#ive also said this before but its really really telling to me how patrick and brendon get involved w other artists

[omegalomania]

i would like to hear more on the patrick vs brendon vocal ability discussion if you would maybe want to rant 👀 👀 (hshsgehdv also I've recently come to know that mr urie is Not that great of a Person so appreciate you for making that post <3)

all right so full disclaimer: the last time i had any notable vocal training was like about 10 years ago. i did get some vocal training but i have undergone hrt since then so most of what i did know is pretty useless since ive never taken the time to actually relearn my range. my understanding of this stuff is old and limited so if anyone whos actually up to date on this shit can weigh in thats always great. im doing this because im a salty mccuntnugget whos had too much honey jack daniels for one night and that apparently is what supercharges me to write emo bandmember cringe compilation posts. somehow.

this got long so im throwing it beneath a cut. click for more if you wanna read about one guy on the internet having Opinions about which of these two dudes sings better

so once again: this is MYYYY OPINION im not your mom you are free to disagree or whatever i literally do not care. but an anon asked so im going to answer. here we go.

FIRST NOTE. comparisons between patrick and brendon have been going on since the dawn of the fucking age but brendon his own damn self decided to act like patrick was copying him vocally so that means i can be as mean as i want cause he started it. we’re doing playground logic here cause this is my blog and i do what i want and also cause hes that much of a cunt.

so i want to start things off with a reminder that patrick stump did not set out to be a singer! he was not picked out of a lineup for his vocal ability. he mostly just wanted to write songs, and it was joe and pete who made a point of saying "no actually you should sing." and it takes patrick a while to actually grow into his range and gain confidence as a singer since his real love is composition. it's not until infinity on high in 2007 that you really hear him growing into his own as a vocalist and it's not until the hiatus/posthiatus that you really hear his vocal confidence.

brendon got to be the singer for panic because bassist brent wilson knew him in high school and he thought his vocal ability was top notch. the rest of the band agreed. it also took brendon a while to grow into his voice. in fact in the early days before panic actually took off (aka before ryan ross badgered pete wentz into signing a band of mostly high schoolers), people on old fob forums legitimately thought that brendon WAS patrick. old articles refer to panic as fall out boy clones for probably that reason.

brendon actually made his vocal debut on a fall out boy record, from under the cork tree (which was released may 5 2005, whereas panic's debut a fever you can't sweat out wouldn't release until september 27 2005). he does a little part in 7 minutes in heaven (atavan halen) on the chorus (he does the second "i keep telling myself, i keep telling myself i'm not the desperate type") and it's genuinely something a lot of people miss, because he sounds a lot like patrick here. later in 2008, this would happen again on 20 dollar nosebleed, which gave brendon a much bigger vocal part (again he splits the chorus with patrick) but in which their vocal inflections are very very similar to the point where a lot of people don’t realize he contributed vocals there.

so there are a lot of similarities, particularly when these two guys were still growing into their voices. it was during fob's hiatus that these started to diverge, and by 2017 they would be wildly different.

patrick readily admitted a lot that he never really intended to be a singer and it wasn't until infinity on high (2007) that he made a genuine attempt to be a singer in earnest. this reticence would often show live. it wasn't until the hiatus and then posthiatus that patrick, and also the rest of the band, had a consistent live presence imo. fob had a lot of infamously sloppy shows - fun to watch, but sonically kind of all over the place - and patrick wouldn't always be the most consistent vocalist. he'd be strong one night and breathy the next, and it wasn't until the hiatus that he started taking vocal lessons.

but the improvement really really shows now. patrick is a much more consistent and powerful vocalist posthiatus, and he's reportedly incredibly diligent in taking care of his voice. that's why you often see him making these kinds of faces in backstage videos; he's doing vocal trills, which are a specific kind of warmup that helps limber up the voice preshow. they look and sound a little silly, but warmups are important to make sure you dont damage your voice. patrick has specific warmup routines and also goes on vocal rest and doesn't do a lot of talking prior to doing a show.

so brendon does double shots before every show. i’ll be honest here i tried to do more research into what goes into warmup routines before panic shows but i Cannot deal with hearing this man talk about himself more than i already have tonight so if anyone else wants to source whatever he does. please do. i would not be surprised if he treats his voice fucking atrociously but even if he doesn’t...his upper register (which is basically his one party trick in live settings) is starting to sound awful strained on studio vocals as of 2022, which is not a good look.

i also want to emphasize that even if his technical ability took time to really come into its own, patrick has always been an incredibly emotionally versatile vocalist. from under the cork tree is really the first time you get to see this shine, where patrick swings from cocky tongue-in-cheek irony (our lawyer made us change the name of this song so we wouldn't get sued) to aching vulnerability (i've got a dark alley and a bad idea that says you should shut your mouth) to snarling anger and accusation [get busy living or get busy dying (do you part to save the scene and stop going to shows)]. factor in the bonus tracks and you get patrick at his most ruthless (my heart is the worst kind of weapon), his most raw and desolate (star 67), and a rare appearance of some borderline unclean vocals (snitches and talkers get stitches and walkers).

posthiatus this is even more apparent. save rock and roll in 2013 demanded an incredible depth of emotional and technical range, and patrick was noticeably a little gun-shy about actually committing to doing those kinds of riffs live, since he wasn’t sure he was going to have to perform those songs live. by 2018′s mania, i want to emphasize that you can actually HEAR patrick smiling in "sunshine riptide." on mania, you also have songs that demand a diverse range of tone and vocal depth: “stay frosty royal milk tea” is a snarling, punchy opening track that reminds you that patrick was a drummer first, but this is also paired with the eclectic edm-soaked “young and menace,” the crooning doo-wop style ballad “heaven’s gate,” the reggae-flavored “HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON’T,” and the closing track which, full disclosure, is probably one of my favorite songs of all time, “bishops knife trick.” and patrick pulls them all off! the best display of this was that he was able to do young and menace live in both its original incarnation and in the somber, stripped-down piano version.

also, as a note: fall out boy songs are really fucking hard to sing. the vocal range they demand is absolutely insane even if you’re not some drummer who got strongarmed into being a singer. the fact that patrick can replicate these vocals live and maintain a rich emotional diversity in tone is really, really noteworthy.

panic songs are also pretty hard to sing. they require a lot of vocal acrobatics, which was an ambitious thing for a band composed of mostly high schoolers when they started out. early performances were really rough because not only was brendon struggling, the rest of the band was struggling to perform songs live that ryan ross wrote on his computer lol.

so now is the part where i start drinking heavily so i can talk about brendon vocals. brendon has the technical talent, even if, like patrick, it took him a while to grow into it. but his emotional versatility is, imo, sorely lacking, and that was evident in early days but it would only get more glaring as time went on. a fever you can’t sweat out in 2005 had a lot of really intensely emotional moments and emotionally charged songs, but it took me a few listens to really grok that because brendon sings them all with the same upbeat energy. and you can put that down on him being an inexperienced singer still figuring his way around this whole “being a frontman” gig, but the trend actively continues and in fact gets worse over time. i think 2008′s pretty. odd. gave us some insight into this due to the pronounced vocal role that ryan ross gets on that album. he takes lead vocals on “behind the sea” and gives us some audible backing vocals throughout in a way that suggests to me that, on some level, the band was aware that they needed someone with more emotional range to counter brendon’s straight-on belting.

so it’s...kind of uncomfortable seeing brendon do said full on belting and also a borderline striptease dance to “camisado” live (which, for those not in the know, is a song ryan ross wrote about his life with his abusive alcoholic father). and i’m not gonna pretend i have any say in whether or not ryan was okay with something so ruinously personal being performed in that kind of way when he was no longer in the band, but it SURE does sit kinda weird with me!

cause brendon is a belter, and that’s just kind of his one mode. this really got more apparent after vices and virtues (2011), and too weird to live, too rare to die (2013), because there was a little more emotional range there. but that pretty much dies out after those records and brendon kind of has these two moods for everything released here on out: it’s either “i love weed” or “i love my wife” and there’s not a lot of range between. he doesn’t have much in the way of moderation. my one single experience in attempting to see panic live (in 2019, no less. it wasn’t a good time lol) was just kind of...relentlessly high-energy regardless of the song, because again, that seems to be brendon’s one setting. he frantically climbs the scale and hits really high notes to keep the energy up without ever actually letting it dial down at any point. it’s not about playing to the song; it’s about reminding the audience, constantly, of what a vocal powerhouse he is, at all times. this does nothing whatsoever to counteract how emotionally flat he is as a performer.

remember that point i made about the differences between patrick’s performance of the high-energy original flavor young and menace and its acoustic piano version? well, you get a superficially similar instance in brendon’s renditions of “this is gospel” in both its original incarnation and the piano version, but i want to point out the difference in tone here. or rather, the fact that there kind of isn’t one. contextually, “this is gospel” is a pretty somber song. it was written for and about spencer smith and his struggles with addiction before his eventual departure from the band, but it’s kind of hard for me personally to reconcile that with the way brendon vocalizes it, even in what is supposed to be a slower, more intimate rendition of it.

this got more glaring in 2018 on pray for the wicked, which gave us “dying in la” which...is i guess, brendon’s attempt at some tonal diversity on an album that was basically back to front “CHECK OUT THIS WILD PARTY I’M AT” but it doesn’t really go anywhere, imo. it builds to something, but...doesn’t actually resolve. i’m gauging this all on vocals, not lyrics, because that’s the point of comparison i’m making - lyrics are a whole other kettle of fish. it’s just like, the guy cannot dial back even for a second and as a result there is NO variation in the way he performs, studio or live. after it’s been long enough, it just kind of starts to wear at you.

another very telling difference is how different patrick and brendon’s backing vocals are. backing vocals by definition need to be much more restrained than if you're taking lead. here's patrick backing travie in 2010 - he's very understated here. distinct and audible, giving us some nice vocal harmonies, but he keeps the spotlight very truly and deservedly on travie. this is also true for studio vocals, like on the lupe fiaso track "little weapon" from 2007 in which patrick isn't even one of the vocal features. he's audible if you know what to listen for, but most of his touch comes from the track's production and composition. more recently, here's patrick doing studio backing vocals in 2017 for a cover of "same drugs" with matt nathanson. once again, he's very good at dialing things back because he's not the lead here and he knows it.

let's contrast this with the cover 2010 panic did of "skid row" from little show of horrors, wherein dallon is meant to be the lead. fortunately dallon manages to shine regardless, but it's...a little jarring that brendon is ostensibly meant to be the support here but vocally and stylistically is belting like he's front and center. another telling instance is this performance of “america’s suitehearts” featuring brendon. in fairness, both patrick and brendon sound pretty rough here since this is a hard song to pull off! but brendon is supposed to be pulling support, and he’s riffing like he’s center stage. and it’s not particularly good riffing either lol.

“what a catch donnie” is the most egregious example of this though. i’ve said this before, but brendon REALLY sticks out in a not great way on what’s supposed to be a soulful, honorary vocal feature. the rest of the fueled by ramen guys singing along are doing their guest spots in a very understated, tonally consistent fashion: distinct in their own rights, if you know what to look for, but definitely doing what they can to fit into the tone of the song. brendon comes barreling in singing DANCE DANCE like this is his fucking show, and it sticks out so badly because he’s doing nothing whatsoever to conform to the tone of the piece.

a couple more points of comparison that i personally find really interesting:

“one of THOSE nights” off of the cab’s debut album whisper war (sidebar: GREAT ALBUM. i miss this band so fuckin much man) features both brendon and patrick; brendon is heard doing the post-chorus, and patrick does the final bridge and can be heard on the final chorus. both of them are belting here, but patrick’s got a strong emotion that suits the finish without being too overpowering and also crucially doesn’t just stay...flat.

patrick actually does backing vocals on a couple other tracks on whisper war, like “i’m a wonder,” and in both that track and “one of THOSE nights” you can hear how much technical and emotional dexterity he has. the former has him belting and the latter has him doing a very restrained backing falsetto.

folie a deux era gave us two gentle lullaby pieces for pete’s first kid. the first is “lullabye,” the album’s hidden bonus track. the second is “bronx’s lullaby.” patrick does the first, brendon does the second. the first sounds very gentle and tender, and the second sounds...i mean, i can tell what he’s going for. but it just kind of sounds ominous to me. so basically i can see why most people will talk about the former and ignore the latter lol lol

did you guys know brendon was on broadway. im kidding im kidding he has literally not shut up about being on broadway and seems to have made that his tertiary character trait since kinky boots. anyway here’s brendon sounding like brendon on kinky boots and basically performing the song like any other panic song. here is patrick covering rocky horror and nailing tim curry’s part. i don’t have any live covers of patrick to have a more accurate point of comparison (he’s in his studio here so he had the luxury of picking the best take) but i just think its fucking wild that patrick wasnt the one of them to go on broadway. fucks sake man.

i COULD compare the two of these guys covering queen but that just seems mean because fob was doing a whole entire studio session and brendon was just doing it over zoom and nah im just kidding i really am that petty. anyway here’s fall out boy covering under pressure and patrick dueting with himself and managing to nail both freddie mercury and david bowie’s parts without losing his own distinctive touch. here’s brendon doing his cover of under pressure and thanks i hate it.

lastly, cause i did my fuckin research here. here are some vocal coaches taking notes on live vocals for patrick and brendon respectively. you might note that they have a lot more notes to give to the latter, a lot more cautionary tales about how much brendon pushes his voice. if they do have critique to offer patrick, it’s in regards to clips of his prehiatus performances (or for that one 2013 thnks fr th mmrs performance when he was sick lol).

the bottom line for me is that patrick, stylistically, just has more range and more versatility. he can do virtually any genre - dancehall, rock, pop, rnb, hardcore, ska, funk, and SO MANY FUCKING MORE - and he can still sound distinctly himself. and for me, brendon only ever sounds like he’s singing the same song in the same genre; molding the song to suit his tastes and his range, and not the other way around.

all right thats all ive got steam for. patrick has always been a much more distinct and capable vocalist in my opinion and it kinda sucks that general public opinion seems to favor brendon so heavily cause brendon’s basically only got one emotional setting and couches the fact that he has no vocal dexterity in a lot of high notes and everyone just eats it up. it’s a diverting tactic and it’s worked. but that kinda seems to be brendon’s m.o. these days since he’s trying to shake low opinion of him by drumming up controversy and writing a song about a dude who hasn’t been in the same band as him in 13 years so

#askin hours #anon #i had to open so many incognito windows for this cause i dont want this infecting my youtubes lol #i just use youtube to watch vinesauce streams and once a month i rewatch line goes up and sherlock is garbage #ive also said this before but its really really telling to me how patrick and brendon get involved w other artists #patrick loves music. he loves composition he loves instrumentation #he loves writing songs for people and he'll sing if he's asked to but mostly he just loves music #brendon just seems to love attention. he never takes a project that doesn't put him in center stage

[violetwitch12087]

Could you do the evans reacting to finding out that your pregnant with their child 🤭🤭

UH OF COURSE I CAN THIS IS ACTUALLY A REALLY GOOD IDEA I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS I DID MY BEST

The evans reaction to finding out you're pregnant and its theres

Evan Peters

*you tell him*

IMMEDIATE happiness

Hes shocked and then when you tell him fr a big smile comes across his face and he engulfs you into a hug

Would prob shed some tears or a lot

Kisses you so passionately

Holds you in his arms for HOURS

Tells his parents how happy he is

"evan uhm im pregnant" "wait youre serious?" *Nod* "OMG baby im so happy"

Tate Langdon

Straight panic

Scared he made the anti christ again

Sad because it killed you

You have to comfort him but he just cries and tells you how sorry he is

Honestly maybe would avoid you for a bit bc he hates himself and when he sees you he remembers what he did

After a while when you die and stuff he'll be there for you while you die holding your hand crying and kissing your knuckles

Yall would be fine after but until the apocalypse happens👍

"tate im- im pregnant" "w-what? I- im so sorry its all my fault"

Kit Walka (ik its walker i jst love the way he says it)

Would look down at the test and smile and hug you

"we're gonna have a third little baby here?"

Honestly really, really happy

Kisses you and hugs you swaying side to side

Later on would listen to his favorite music and dance with you before kissing you and putting his hands on your belly

"kit im pregnant" "what?" *Sees test* *big ole smile* "we're gonna have a third little one running around here?" *Nod*

Kyle Spencer (pre death)

Honestly a little concerned/considering it because hes in college and still lives with his mom

Would make it your choice if you want to keep it but if you do we would be there every single step and moment of the way

Honestly after a while of thinking would be so happy to have a little you guys running around

After thinking and accepting it and loving it he would apologize for even considering it and would kiss you and hold you

"kyle i know we're young but i- im pregnant" "wait really?" *Sees test* "i- i dont know what to say i mean i love you i really do and you know that but we're young but if you want to keep it ill be here no matter what baby"

*later on after thinking* "baby im so sorry for everything i said i wanna have a baby with you ive never been happier please forgive me, im so excited to have this journey with you"

How could you say no

Jimmy Darlin (yes ik its darling)

Very very happy

Then his smile starts to fade

Sad because he doesnt want your guy's kid to have his condition

Also sad because his kid is gonna grow up the way he did

You comfort him and tell him its all okay and that you guys wont let anything happen to the kid

Apologies for how he couldnt take you guys out of the freak show and all that jazz

You comfort him and lets jst say like at the end of freak show you and Jimmy live a normal life with your big ole belly and jimmy by your side all the steps of the way

"jimmy omg im pregnant" "really?" *His beautiful smile*

After a bit "im so sorry i couldnt give you and our only kid a normal life i really am" "jimmy i love you we will figure it out and you know we will"

James Patrick March

Genuinely shocked

Didnt even know you and him could have kids since well hes a ghost

But 'miracles' happen

Honestly surprisingly happy to have a little you guy's running around the hotel

"if you need anything i will have someone get it for you my love" he says that and also means that he will have someone that can go outside get you stuff as well

"james im pregnant" "i can procreate?" *Nods* "well, i could never be happier dear"

Kai Anderson

Honestly would probably be nice to you for once like with ally

Happy because there is now a 'messiah'

Wants the kid to lead the cult when he dies

Would be so happy i mean did you see him with ally and their damn kid?

He would start being more gently like he would look at your belly and smile putting his big hand on top of it

I mean he would probably even kiss your head and give you cuddles here and there

I mean how could he not? You're holding the next most precious and important thing in his life or probably the kid is his most precious and important thing

"kai dont get mad but im pregnant, and its yours" *a small smile would come across his face* "really? I honor you as the most loyal in this cult you're holding the next messiah"

Peter Maximoff (wanda vision age)

Honestly shocked

Would be so happy tbh

Would be happy because he would have another probably immature kid that was fast like him

Would probably pull you into a hug and kiss you and would hold you like forever while you guys slept every night

Would go into a frenzy about you needing rest and him stealing your favorite snacks a stuff just to make you happy i mean hes a kleptomaniac

"peter im pregnant" "YES omg were gonna have another speedster here"

#evan peters #tate langdon #kit walker #kyle spencer #jimmy darling #jimmy darlin #kit walka #james march #James Patrick March #kai anderson #quicksilver #peter maximoff #ahs #headcanon #ahs headcanons #the evans #the evans reaction

[souryogurt64]

wait who said the “he would never confirm it to me” thing in the book? patrick?

im only like 60-70% done but heres my rant so far—

no, it was a reporter that was supposedly close with mcr. i could only find 3 or 4 interviews he did with them, and only one with fall out boy. its the same reporter that made the patina comment. maybe he did more but ??? why would you say something like that about someone you dont know

i definitely feel like a few “minor characters” like him are absolutely dominating the panic and fob narratives and a lot of the quotes from actual people in the bands are re-used from old interviews without any clear indication that this was done. i feel like some people in the bands arent in it all. 1-2 of these “minor characters” seem a little bitter/jaded too.

its really interesting to hear from some of these people, but like why is someone who (seems to) have interviewed fob one time 10 years ago talking about how he thinks pete spun his suicide attempt for attention. like why is he even being asked about that. probably because nobody else was willing to tell a rando about that. anyway stuff like this makes me question other stuff in the book a lot

also i feel like every time i see something pretty jarring that irritates me, i look at the name and its a name ive never heard before and checking the character list or even googling provides no clarity. i also feel like some sections read like what people were asked was a bit leading or weird

i also feel like there was no fact checking whatsoever, and like yeah everybody makes mistakes and people remember things differently. and i know how annoying i seem when i complain about small stuff but when combined with everything else it grates on me a lot

also i just skimmed this one ahead of time to brace myself but the “everybody was faking being gay for attention” section annoyed me a lot too for all reasons listed in this post plus TRECKETT. TRECKETT. being the bandom ship brought up. like god

also, so far, i definitely am getting the impression that very few people were willing to say anything of substance about panic at the disco for more than 5 minutes, and panic is not talked about with the same glow or respect that other bands were, which is really annoying because the other emo history book did not cover panic well either. this is another reason why i am filled for disdain for this book because i care about panic at the disco lore a lot. like stop saturating the market with this garbage please

this book has pissed me off a lot since before it came out so im also looking for stuff to complain about lol. my main issue with this book is the way that it is very disingenuous and hypocritical about feminism so the author could get away with fanboying about brand new during peak music metoo and not be criticized by any emo teens online. it is Swmrs Behavior and i have a zero tolerance for it.

i also thought the intro was poorly written and disjointed and focused way too much this because it was more the author trying to justify his own actions than anything else and it was uncomfortable and annoying to read

[flaray25]

A REDRAW FROM 2021 TO MY ARTSTYLE NOW

I can see how different this changed (since ive never came into my fav for doing anatomy before until now)

Looking back at my own works made me inspire alot from different stuffs ive went.

"Farewell... SpongeBob..."

INCOMING PLOT/LORE:

Its the cover of a comic book I drew, it was somekind of plot where Squidward regrets the things he said now that SpongeBob is gone. Like literally dead gone forever not even realizing about it.

From how obsessed he is to Spongebob in secret which Spongebob doesn't always know. The day that he said something life changing to Spongebob, he was pressured and really stressed that is caused by the lack of trauma, sleep, disturbance, and job overtime.

He began to burst out from his space and pointed out the most 'harshest' things to him. To the point was shown how deeply hurt Spongebob was from Squidwards words, he didnt have a time to process his emotions but just gave him a simple smile and maybe did agreed and accepted whatever Squidward had told him.

3 days later

Squidward is so upset that Spongebob never even came to work after his rants about him.

It's been day 4 now and Spongebob finally came to work again, just a regular and a usual normal act of himself. He didn't know why but thought about it. Even curious because he pointed out the obvious things and after those words Spongebob just showed up to his face like it's all completely dodged.

Now HERES the craziest part. Spongebob doesn't and isn't supposed to exist or appear in day 4 because Squidward is hallucinating about him. And his mind blinded his sense convincing that he's actually there which he's not.

In the horrible truth way possible.

After Spongebob ran away from the krusty krab after whatever Squidward's words spoke up and stabbed right through his heart and got them from his skull. He had a breakdown.

He went back to his pineapple house, locked himself from his room not letting gary inside. And just sat there and thought about those words Squidward said.

"I wish you don't EXIST!"

Then it hit him.

If those were the things Squidward wanted for him so as Spongebob would finish it 'just for Squid'

As he did whatever Squidward wished.

When Patrick checked up on why Spongebob suddenly left the krusty krab after not getting his order. He went to the pineapple house to see his dead friend lying on the floor.

Patrick called for help as the ambulance came in and brought him. Spongebob didn't make it sadly, he was too late.

After the news was shown on the television, 'Spongebob Squarepants committed s!#£%&e'

Squidward didn't know how to respond to that.

The way he thought it was all just some sort of a prank or a way for him to feel bad on. Squidward blinded himself into thinking this was just some sort of prank.

But it wasnt.

When Squidward wondered why Spongebob hasn't shown up from work he was concerned about whatever happened to him by now, but just again abou tthe news reported live. He thought this prank would last by now.

Now it's been day 4 in the present. When Sandy came to the krusty krab telling him about Spongebob, he began to question why this prank is lasting for 4 days now.

Sandy even screamed and yelled at Squidward telling him that Spongebob really is gone. That he died and k#ll3d himself from the room. Squidward was in shock to look to his side knowing that Spongebob is just here.

He wasnt.

This thing came into a big realization that he didnt give a thing about Spongebob after 4 days of his death. Didn't even knew that he did die. Didn't even showed up from his funeral because he thought it would be played as just some sort of joke.

He felt sorry for Spongebob and even got to his knees forgiving about him.

----

Coming over to his house for taking care of it, he sees a box filled with memories of him including Squidward. (Probably some drafted letters for Squidward as a confession but didn't get a chance give those to him)

This also gave him a shocking truth that Spongebob caught himself head over heels deeply inlove with him. The reason why he was so obsessed to him.

Pointing out the obviousness already. Squidward didn't take a hint because of his annoyance, it was hard for him to take it in. Is that what Spongebob has been feeling to him after all this time?

The day that was too late.

And we leave ourselves in this scene where Squidward reads one of his letters as he sits on Spongebob's bed all alone.

BOOM classic ending am I right?

#squidbob #spongebob #spongebob squarepants #squidward #spongeward #squidward tentacles #drawing #art #spongebob au #my art #fandomizer25

[dyketubbo]

when you get a chance, thoughts on seer of space tubbo?

(i am also open to maid of space tubbo, and many others, but i am currently seer leaning)

*wakes up* oh boy time to classpect! under the readmore because seers are interesting enough that i ended up going on a tangent

of course no argument about the aspect because hes 100% a space player, ive discussed heir before i believe, so seer analysis it is, because i havent thought about it before (seers slip my mind sometimes, i love them, my brain is just the equivalent of a ground with a bunch of banana peels and cant handle having more than 4 coherent thoughts at a time).

like said with knights, he doesnt exactly try to tell anyone what he wants to come off as, sure he wants to be intimidating enough that people leave him alone, but, well. he does fit the intimidating thing, its less a facade and more a warning, he doesnt want to hurt anyone, but he will should he deem it necessary (thankfully, tubbos kind enough that he deems it unecessary in most cases). hes a bit too likely to follow through, and its bred from feeling unsafe, rather than feeling insecure. c!tubbo knows he can do things, the cc is more likely to downplay what he does than the character is (not that c!tubbo doesnt, but he does still believe in his abilities, he just doesnt think hes important enough to emphasize his impact. difference between going "oh no it was all __" and going "oh no it wasnt just me" when theres something hes done most of the work on)

so, he almost fits knight, at least in abilities, after all knights are capable and they know theyre capable, and hes very good at the exploitation aspect, pushing limitations and using them for their benefits. i could see him as maybe a knight thats actually gotten past the insecurity and facades already, if we're to consider his spy history as him being pre-actualization. being a space player doesnt really change how solid knight arcs are, so the combination of knight and space doesnt make knight much more fitting for tubbo

similarly, he does fit a few aspects of being a seer (having similar struggles, talking a shitton sometimes, sitting back and observing the world around him when he finds it beneficial to do so, generally very smart especially within their group), but not so much others (seers are often overbearingly smug in a way tubbos a bit too humble for, learning through education rather than experience, having a habit of getting too focused on their goal, and theyre overall passive, being too active is actually how they get themselves into shit, while tubbo gets hurt when hes too passive). seers of space focus more on the present than the future or past, which almost fits tubbo.. if it werent for the fact that he doesnt focus on the future or past out of repression cknsks. not that he would much anyways, but the intentional focus on the present is out of stubborness and trauma rather an actual trait of staying in the present. notably, theres quite a few times where tubbo does think about the past and future, especially when he was younger, and he does try to work towards his ideal future, he just doesnt talk about it much.

funnily enough, because of where seer falls through, he ends up being closer to the mage struggle of, well, getting their asses kicked when theyre too passive because things work out best when theyre involving themselves. mages also have that posturing thing as well, though its connected to intelligence (desperately trying to come off as smarter because they believe theyre still too dumb and naïve, even though theyre actually doing fine), so again, not exactly tubbos kind of posturing. plus, hes pissy, but not pissy enough for a mage, as theyre more likely to get caught up in how fed up they are with everything, while tubbo gets caught up in how much he still cares no matter how much he seems like he doesnt. the space aspect adds that theres.. a shitton of shit happening to and around him, which does fit, at least, and mages of space usually suffer because of their passions, knowledge, and experience, as well as they're rather hands on. again, fits, but, well.

seers and mages are a bit too focused on knowledge for the kind of person tubbo is. hes smart for sure, has a lot of knowledge, and even when hes not a spy he does want to know things and looks for that knowledge, but while he fits the goals and positives of seers (and mages), he doesnt exactly fit their flaws or what happens when theyre unhealthy. not that he needs to show signs of being unhealthy, but even healthy players still show an ability to be the unhealthy versions of their classes. he doesnt get his ass kicked for being too active and tunnel visioned like seers do (and it can sometimes come from ego trips, which tubbos very unlikely to have, even if he fits the "my solution is the most correct here, so we have to follow it" part of it all) like seers, he doesnt have any moments of just refusing to learn and complaining about how everything sucks rather than doing anything about it (nor is he likely too) like mages. he does vaguely fit where the unhealthiness of a knight can come in, propping up a shield to a ridiculous extent and lashing out when their insecurites are picked at, but that feels a bit too reckless to be tubbo (though it does fit tommy).

overall, i can kind of see seer for a slightly different version of tubbo, but it feels too passive for tubbo, if that makes sense. he is passive at least, in terms of classes anyways (note- despite how some classpectors define it, passive doesnt really mean you serve others, its not an insult, it just means you weave your aspect through others, rather than yourself. its the difference between a prince destroying x/destroying through x and a bard allowing destruction of x/inviting destruction through x. still listen to passive classes, thats what seers fall into after all, and seers are very important). its just that tubbo usually gets hurt by being too passive rather than getting hurt by being too active (not that it couldnt happen, which is why i say it could still fit under other circumstances).

speaking of passive v active, if i had to pick a passive class i feel fits tubbo the most, probably heir. active wise, id say maid does actually fit rather well. i feel like ive talked about maid tubbo before but i might be remembering a different analysis so just in case ill generally say i feel he fits the arc of going from a "doormat" to taking their life for themselves. theyre stubborn, stressed out from listening to others, like banter, occassionally silly and can start arguing in circles due to the stubborness (think that one patrick id scene, but smarter). maids are also heavy repressers, they fear being seen as weak, and are unwilling to ask for help. they rely on their environment and hate it.

and, painfully enough, some classpectors state that when pushed into being unhealthy, maids explode. maids are already intimidating on their own, being powerful and smart enough to know what to do with that power, and when they get stressed out enough, they, well, explode. they hurt everyone in one big event (think aradias actions in make her pay). its not necessarily a reckless lashing out at everyone like knights, but a giant burnout that happens to effect everyone. tubbos not at a point where it seems likely for this to happen, but i wouldnt be too surprised if something like it did happen were things to get too be too much. he is the mf with nukes after all. healthy maids are independent, with maids of space specifically, well, making space for themselves and others (sound like a certain snow commune anyone), attempting to start new lives. an independent maid, allowed to be their own person without anyone stepping on them, is a healthy maid. unfortunate for tubbo that his life fucking sucks too hard for him to really get to this point KEKW

heirs fit a similar "followed others then became more independent" arc, mostly unaware that theyre being lead around but, if whats happening aligns with their own ideals, dont really care much that theyre being a follower when they are aware of such. heirs have an instinct to stick to comfort, rather than an instinct to be independent like maids. heirs still need to find their independence and autonomy, but need to do so because they can change things, theyre also very powerful when they play correctly. however, going against what they may feel is best and is more comfortable for them can be actively painful, early heirs often would rather be comfortable and happy even if things arent going well than take the difficult route, know that theyll suffer, and temporarily risk comfort and happiness in an attempt to reach an end they dont know will be there for sure. they can deal with suffering, but choosing to stay constantly aware of this suffering hurts and they struggle with dealing with the fact that they need to be aware to stop the suffering.

heirs change by picking up on subtle details naturally, subconsciously effecting those around them, making either themself or others interact with their aspect differently (or actively not think with their own aspect, in a positive way). heirs, when self aware, want to help. thats an important detail, and its why heirs are often protagonists, they dont have the ambition to do things that only benefit themselves when they realize theyre in a position of power. at their core, heirs usually want to make things better, but learning to move on and better themselves can hurt, and it takes a lot for heirs to to let it be apart of the process.

unhealthy heirs fade. they get so stressed out by getting hurt that they shrink back into themselves, they stick with what makes them comfortable and refuse to acknowledge that they and others are hurting, wrapped up in their more selfish instincts and becoming hard and stressful to deal with. "i want everything to be okay" becomes "i dont want to deal with the idea that nothings okay right now", soon getting to "im okay and you cant tell me otherwise, fuck you if you want to take this away from me, you cant stop me but i will stop you". of course, that last one can be useful if a heir were to use it to change things for the better, but the tunnel vision on "i want to be comfortable even if im making others uncomfortable" is, well. shitty. unhealthy heirs wont actively try to hurt anyone unless pushed, but they can they can still manage to through a lack of acknowledging that they have to help. and well, that sounds somewhat like tubbo, the hurting through a lack of helping, at the very least its present in things like him not visiting tommy during exile (partially because it was safer to just not challenge dream, partially out of guilt and belief that tommy hated him)

heirs of space specifically are about flitting from project to project, learning about what interests them, impatient when others dont share their excitement, and learning when to adapt and move on from things. generally, if i had to put a scale on it, id say tubbos most likely to be a heir, then a maid, then a seer. it all depends on what aspects of him you wanna focus on, really. seer tubbo is really interesting though! i think seers are more smug than he is though, not that he doesnt have his moments, but his tendency to believe hes right isnt all too prominent compared to other traits of his, and its less from a smug "i know whats right" and more just a firm "this isnt right, i have a better idea". he wants to do whats right, but if he feels like he doesnt know whats right, hes willing to rely on others, it just.. takes him a bit of pushing to admit such

#i took like 5 hours on this hope you appreciate it max /lh #i enjoy classpecting though and i enjoy tubbo even more so its alright #dsmp #tubbo #dsmp classpects #hs #angel answers #long post #(iirc about 14 or 16 paragraphs maybe? #*)

[wheremyscalesslither]

Cw: alcohol

Tl; dr: i love honey and brewing my own mead has helped me have a more positive relationship with alcohol. Oh and cool biology stuff relating to fermentation.

Can i actually just share my excitement for a moment though? I have always loved honey, (except for clover honey). It's one of my top favorite foods. On trips I had to seek out and buy different honeys because each one tastes different based on the plants visited by the bees in that location. Sometimes places would also have unique flavors as well- im thinking of white macadamia nut honey, which was from bees that lived on a macnut farm, or mesquite honey, which is light, golden, and nearly transparent with the distinct taste and color of a freshly bloomed mequite flower. Buying honey from reputable, small scale businesses, also helps support local communities but ive noticed many local honey businesses also rescue bees too, so they arent unnecessarily killed out of fear, but rehomed and curated so the animals are healthy.

One day a friend bought be a very expensive tiny glass of mead at a Renaissance festival, knowing my love for honey, and i could have sworn the Dionysus himself opened the clouds to reach down and hand me this blessing. Granted, now i know it was just overpriced Chaucer's which is widely regarded as the worst mead. It sparked an interest though, and i began to seek mead breweries and enjoy their products.

See, alcohol has been a point of tension for me. Ive definitely abused it in the past, particularly to help aid in my crippling social anxiety, combat boredom, and distract from pains only the soul feels.

Mead became an interest though. I have never felt like I want to drink mead to get drunk. I've had the opportunity, definitely. But instead, my focus is on the mead itself- sweet/dryness, flavors, and dare i share the most bougie thing that ive ever said: even mouthfeel 🤣 I want to drink to admire the work put into it, rather than use it.

Then one of my friends (Patrick Rösch if youre still there 😢) mentioned my broke ass didn't need to buy the $80 bottle of mead from Superstition Meadery, even though its pretty damn delicious, but i could spend about the same amount and make my own mead. It wasnt until like 2 years later i decided to give it a go, and what's really awesome is how much biology is tied into it. Like duh youre having yeast eat sugar and pee out alcohol. And it all just makes sense.

There are different yeasts that have different requirements- alcohol tolerance, which is the amount of alcohol they can withstand before they slow or altogether stop metabolising sugar and turning it into alcohol. Temperature range in which the yeast starts to become stressed and make your mead taste all weird. Nutrients- organic or inorganic vitamins where depending on when you use them in your yeast's life, can be essential or not have any effect at all.

My first batch is going well, despite not turning out like the recipe said. When you start getting into mead, nearly everyone recommends using a calculator online that just straight up tells you how much of each thing to put in and when. These calculators tell you what to aim for to produce the sweetness and alcohol content of your mead. I used True Love Honey's Desert blend which is my favorite honey of all time, and apparently has a much higher sugar content than your average honey. What i was aiming for and what i ended up getting were wildly different. I used lavin 71b yeast, a favorite strain suggested to beginners, with a wide temperature range which was essential, because i knew it was going to be impossible for me to brew at the typical low temps yeast needs to thrive. My room averages at mid to high 70s, and most yeasts are very strict with max temps being like 68°F.

Now heres the more technical stuff.

I was supposed to start off the batch with a specific gravity reading of 1.153. Once i mixed my ingredients, according to the recipe, my SG actually started at 1.172 which is significantly higher. The potential issue with this is that the yeast wouldnt be able to keep up with the sugar once it hit 14% abv, leaving me with excessive sugar and high SG. If the yeast keeps up, which the strain i got has been noted on occassion to keep up to 20% abv, im going to have a really alcoholic mead 😅

Today, i hit 14% alcohol in my 2 week old batch. So the yeast will either stop working or keep going 🤷‍♀️ guess we will see tomorrow.

I also taste it every time i take a reading. Its fucking delicious, if you dont mind me saying. It does have a strong vinegar smell, and slight vinegar aftertaste thats barely distinguishable. This could mean i accidentally introduced Acetobacter in with the yeast, or it could be caused by the yeast strain still working to process the sugars, which should go away with time. Only time will detemine if either is concern! But im not worried. This has been so much fun either way.

#mead #alcohol #cw alcohol #alcohol tw

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

8th May >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on John 15:18-21 for Saturday, Fifth Week of Eastertide: ‘A servant is not greater than his master’.

Saturday, Fifth Week of Eastertide.

Gospel (Except USA)

John 15:18-21

The world hated me before it hated you.

Jesus said to his disciples:

‘If the world hates you, remember that it hated me before you. If you belonged to the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you do not belong to the world, because my choice withdrew you from the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the words I said to you: A servant is not greater than his master. If they persecuted me, they will persecute you too; if they kept my word, they will keep yours as well. But it will be on my account that they will do all this, because they do not know the one who sent me.’

Gospel (USA)

John 15:18-21

You do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world.

Jesus said to his disciples: “If the world hates you, realize that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, the world would love its own; but because you do not belong to the world, and I have chosen you out of the world, the world hates you. Remember the word I spoke to you, ‘No slave is greater than his master.’ If they persecuted me, they will also persecute you. If they kept my word, they will also keep yours. And they will do all these things to you on account of my name, because they do not know the one who sent me.”

Reflections (6)

(i) Saturday, Fifth Week of Easter

In today’s first reading, Luke, the author of the Acts of the Apostles, gives us a strong sense of the early church being guided by the Holy Spirit. Paul and his companions travelled through the countryside of the Roman province of Galatia, having been told by the Holy Spirit not to preach the word in the Roman province of Asia, both provinces being in modern-day Turkey. The Spirit would not allow them to cross into the province of Bithynia either, so, instead, they came to the city of Troas, on the North West coast of modern-day Turkey. There Paul experienced the prompting of the Spirit once more in the form of a vision in which a person from Macedonia in Northern Greece called on Paul and his companions to come over and help them. Luke was showing that the Holy Spirit was guiding the early church, especially the missionary journeys of Paul. We can be confident that the Holy Spirit continues to guide the church today. The church is not just a human organization, a kind of religious multi-national corporation. Yes, it has elements that are typical of any world-wide organization. It is a human institution. More fundamentally, however, the church is a spiritual reality. The risen Lord, through the Spirit, is present in the church, shaping it and guiding it. The church cannot be shaped by opinion polls. It can only be shaped by the Lord and his Spirit. Sometimes, as Jesus says in the gospel reading today, this will put the church into conflict with the prevailing culture, ‘if they persecuted me, they will persecute you too’. The church is in the midst of the world, but it is not of the world. As Jesus declares in that gospel reading, ‘you do not belong to the world’. The really important question for the church is not, ‘what do people think of us?’ but ‘what is the Lord saying to us’ or ‘Where is the Spirit leading us?’ Answering those questions requires prayerful discernment from us all.

And/Or

(ii) Saturday, Fifth Week of Easter

We have become very aware in recent times of Christians who suffer for their belief in Jesus, especially in parts of the Middle East. Many have been put to death because of their refusal to renounce their Christian faith. In this morning’s gospel reading, Jesus is speaking to his disciples on the night before his own execution, his crucifixion. He warns his disciples and all future disciples that if the world persecutes him, it will persecute them. The term ‘world’ here is shorthand for those in the world who have said ‘no’ to Jesus and his message. We are not likely to be persecuted in this part of the world in the way that Jesus and many of his first followers were, and many of his followers today are. Yet, we can experience more subtle forms of hostility and rejection, to the point where we can be afraid to witness publicly to the values of Jesus and of the gospel. We can be very tempted to keep our head down and to stay silent. We can be intimidated by the forces at work in the culture that appear to be so intolerant of any form of religious faith and of any institution that promotes it. We have been reading from the Acts of the Apostles in our first reading this Easter Season. What often comes across in the story of those early Christians is their courage in the face of hostility. They seemed to rely not on themselves but on the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of the risen Lord, whom they experienced within and among themselves. This same Holy Spirit is available to us all. We need the Spirit if our faith is to be as courageous as that of the first believers.

 And/Or

(iii) Saturday, Fifth Week of Easter

Saint Patrick in his Confession writes that sometime after he returned to Britain having escaped from captivity in Ireland he had a vision one night in which he saw a man named Victor who had come from Ireland with a large number of letters. In the vision this man gave Patrick one of the letters and Patrick read the opening words of the letter which were, ‘the voice of the Irish’. At the same time, Patrick began to hear the voice of those who lived near where he had been held captive and they shouted, ‘We ask you, boy, come and walk once more among us’. I was reminded of that section of Patrick’s Confession by this morning’s first reading. According to our reading, one night Paul had a vision while in Troas, which is in north western Turkey. In that vision a Macedonian appeared and appealed to him, ‘Come across to Macedonia and help us’. Macedonia is in northern Greece. Both Patrick and Paul responded to the calls they heard and as a result those who had never heard the gospel came to know Christ. We are all called by God in some way or other; we are always trying to discern the call of the Lord in our lives. One thing we can be sure of is that insofar as we respond to the Lord’s call to us, the lives of others will be greatly blessed.

 And/Or

(iv) Saturday, Fifth Week of Easter

John’s gospel speaks about God’s love for the world. God so loved the world that he sent his only Son. In today’s gospel reading Jesus speaks about the world’s hatred for him and for his followers. In Luke’s gospel Jesus calls on his disciples to love their enemies and to do good to those who hate them. The gospels suggest that Jesus was realistic about the hostility that would come his own way and the way of his followers. Yet, he wanted his followers to relate to the world not on the basis of how the world relates to them but on the basis of how God and Jesus relate to the world. In the gospel reading Jesus says, ‘A servant is not greater than his master’. That can be read in two ways. One way is, ‘if the master experienced hostility so will the servants’. The other way is, ‘if the master washed the feet of the servants, including the feet of Judas, the one who betrayed him, the servants must do likewise; they must reveal the love of God to others regardless of how they relate to them’. That saying of Jesus, ‘a servant is not greater than his master’ gives us much to ponder. It is only with the help of the Holy Spirit that we can be like the master in every respect.

 And/Or

(v) Saturday, Fifth Week of Easter

In the gospel reading this morning Jesus tells his disciples on the night before he died that they can expect the same hatred from the world that he himself has experienced. In that regard, as in others, he remarks that a ‘servant is not greater than his master’. We know that Christians are being persecuted in many parts of the world at present. There has been persecution of the church in China for many decades. In the Maoist era, Catholics were forced to go underground. Mao’s late wife once said, ‘Christianity in China has been confined to the history section of the museum. It is dead and buried’. Thankfully, China’s Christians have greater liberties now than in the past. Yet, those Catholics who recognize the Pope rather than the state-backed Catholic Patriotic Association are liable to persecution and harassment. In a letter written to the faithful of the Catholic church in China in May 2007, Pope Benedict XVI expressed the hope that this day, May 24, would become a day of prayer for the church in China. The Pope chose this day because is the memorial of Our Lady Help of Christians, who is venerated with great devotion at the Marian shrine of Sheshan in Shanghai. The statue of Our Lady Help of Christians at the shrine is very striking. Our Lady holds the child Jesus high above her head; the child’s hands are extended straight out to left and right symbolizing his death on the cross and the overcoming of his death with his resurrection. These outstretched arms are also a symbol of love for all humanity. We remember to pray for the church in China today and we also ask the Lord to make us more courageous in bearing witness to him in our own time and place.

And/Or

 (vi) Saturday, Fifth Week of Easter

There is something of a contrast between today’s first reading and today’s gospel reading. The first reading from the Acts of the Apostles gives us a very positive picture of Paul’s ministry in what is now Turkey. Luke, the author, tells us that ‘the churches grew in faith, as well as growing daily in numbers’. They were growing in both quality and numbers. Paul reaches Troas which is on the north-west coast of modern day Turkey, and there he has a dream in which he hears the people of Macedonia, in Northern Greece, call out to him to preach the gospel among them. Paul immediately makes plans to cross from what we would call today Asia, Turkey, to Europe, Greece. This is the moment when the gospel reaches Europe for the first time, probably less than twenty years after the death and resurrection of Jesus. Luke gives us a sense of the Holy Spirit at work guiding Paul and his companions, charting their course. It is a very encouraging picture. However, in the gospel reading Jesus paints a somewhat bleaker picture. He tells his disciples that just as the world, the world of unbelief, has hated him, so it will hate them. A servant is not greater than his master. As they persecuted the master, Jesus, they will persecute the servants, his disciples. If Luke in the first reading depicts the work of the Spirit, the gospel reading depicts hostility to that work. Both these realities will always be a feature of the church’s life and mission. What matters is that in the face of the hostility to the gospel message, we never lose sight of the Spirit at work within us and among us.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

[colonel-insomniac]

Heather— Conan Gray

And we are back! sorry for the long wait, i graduated, I’m getting ready to start uni, ive been a little busy. Anyways, read other Spongebob One-shots HERE and if its a while before i release another one, pls read my book The Other Planet HERE because I aim to publish it after rewriting.  "I still remember, third of December, me in your sweater, you said it looked better on me than it did you…" 

Bobby was slumped in a chair, chin resting on an arm that was propped up by a cafeteria table. Prom was a bust, that's really all he had discovered tonight. 

Everyone always says prom is a magical night, and bonds are formed that will never break, and maybe Bobby is being a little over dramatic about this, but this dance turned out to be a total waste of seventy-five bucks. 

Truthfully, he'd wanted to be asked to prom, and by Patrick. But when it became clear that wasn't happening, his mom had insisted he still go, despite his lamenting about not wanting to. She'd promised him that he would later wish he had gone. Bobby supposed it would be better than being sprawled on the couch, watching movies. 

Now, however, all he wished to do was watch movies. Since he'd walked through the doors of the high school gym, Bobby had a flighty feeling gnawing at his insides. And he knew it was heartwarming when Pat walked through the doors with his mom, but he couldn't help wishing he was walking through that entrance with Patrick. 

Bobby had ducked into the bathroom—accidentally into the girls first, where they asked why he looked upset after their initial shock—the boy's bathroom, where he locked himself in a stall, and sat for a couple minutes. 

His heart was beating fast, so he pulled out his phone and played some Subway Surfer's in an attempt to calm down. It was just Pat after all, his best friend for life. There was no reason to be nervous. 

And that's when he wound up at this table. He'd weaved his way through the throng of dancing kids, chatting with a couple of them before moving on. Bobby had managed to catch a couple of glances at Patrick, who was seated at a table with his mom. But they weren’t talking, he was looking around with a frown. 

“Only if you knew, how much I liked you, but I watch your eyes as she walks by…”

Bobby had a sneaking suspicion that Patrick liked Sandy, a really smart Texan. He had no proof of this, of course, besides how much they seemed to hang out these days. Bobby felt bad about that thought. She’s not a bad person, Sandy, that is. She’s really smart, and shes’ pretty, and nice, and all good things. But Bobby had been missing his best friend recently. He’d tried talking to Edward—or Eddie, as Bobby called him, despite Edward’s scowls—but it was evident that the tall, clarinet playing, art adept boy was consumed with work, and consequently had no time to talk. 

Bobby had sat down in the chair he’s now in, spinning stories out of the pattern on the table to keep himself occupied. Even he was aware how pitiful that sounded. Sandy and Edward had come up to him, separately of course, and chatted for a bit each. He’d grinned when Eddie voluntarily sat next to him, but Eddie had made sure Bobby knew he was only talking to him tonight because of how Bobby had been one of the few to treat him kindly. At that, Bobby’s mouth fell open in shock. Eddie was such a fun person to be around in his opinion. He’s going to have to talk with people and tell them how awesome Eddie is. 

Bobby half listens to what Eddie is telling him, nodding his head in agreement as he thinks of how he can help the talented man. Soon enough, Edward decides he’s talked enough, and excuses himself. That’s when Sandy practically leapt out of the almost non-existent shadows, nearly giving Bobby a heart attack. He jumps a little, and Sandy smiles, apologizing for startling him. “You? Scare me? No, no, I was just getting up!” Bobby tries, knowing that Sandy knows it’s a lie. 

“What a sight for sore eyes, brighter than the blue sky, she’s got you mesmerized, while I die…” 

“Mhm, sure.” Sandy gives him a knowing look. “Why are ya camped out here anyhow?” Bobby shrugs, not wanting to explain. “Patrick has been lookin’ for ya, he seems worried ‘bout somethin’.” Bobby looks away, feeling guilty. 

The ever-perceptive girl takes note of the expression on Bobby’s face, and in one motion, pulls out a chair and sits down. Bobby keeps his head tilted towards the table, hoping she won’t want him to talk about it. “Now, what’s wrong Bobby? You’ve been actin’ stranger than a cow dancin’ at a disco rodeo.” Bobby’s eyebrows scrunch together, a little confused by the saying, but then he shakes his head and thinks up a response. 

He shrugs, “Nothing, I just don’t wanna be here anymore.” Sandy’s own eyebrows shoot up, and she asks what he means by that.

“Why would you ever kiss me, I’m not even half as pretty, you gave her your sweater it's just polyester, but you like her better, wish I were Heather…”

Bobby lifts his shoulder again, not sure of what to say or how to say it. He blows air out, watching a strand of his hair float up and fall down again while he thinks. Sandy see the discomfort on his face, and drags him outside, into the quiet. The air out here fills Bobby’s lungs, pleasantly warm. It smells like spring, hope, rebirth, renewal. “Now talk.” She orders, and he has no choice but to admire her persistence. 

“I kinda like Pat.” It’s a low whisper, and Sandy’s face brightens. Bobby frowns. “What’re you smiling about?” 

Sandy quickly irons out her face, assuring him that there’s nothing going on, gesturing for him to continue. “But I think he likes you, not me.” Bobby stares hard at a tree, watching as the moonlight pokes through the holes in the leaves. 

Sandy makes a sound in the back of her throat, and Bobby can’t quite place an emotion to the sound. “He’s a great guy, I would know, I did spend the past 17 years of my life with him.” Bobby continues, turning to Sandy and plastering a bright, fake smile on his face as he grabs her hands. “Pat’s a lot of fun to be around, he’s also really soft.” Bobby stares up and away from Sandy, trying to keep his emotions under control. 

“Bobby, you’ve got it all wrong—” Sandy starts, and Bobby numbly thinks how she does look pretty ethereal right now, and kinda all the time. How could someone not like her?

“Watch as she stands with her holding your hand, put your arm 'round her shoulder, now I'm getting colder…” 

“Trust me, Sandy, it’s okay. If you like him too, you should tell him. You guys will…have a lot of fun together.” He’s trying to work himself up to be happy. He should be happy for the two anyways. 

He hardly hears himself as he continues on, rambling, Sandy watching him with eyes that keep getting wider. It’s when he’s starting to turn to go back inside, and turning her too, that Sandy seems to snap out of her shock, and grabs Bobby’s shoulders. “Listen Bobby,” Bobby opens his mouth to ask something, confused, but Sandy shakes her head, so he nods. “You gotta trust me on this one. Pat doesn’t like me. I know who he likes, and this person is at this party. Patrick’s plannin’ on tellin’ them tonight, so you oughta at least go and see him.” Bobby shakes his head, once, before Sandy frowns at him. “He’s itchin’ to talk to you, been missin’ you all night, and y’all are both actin’ pretty dang stupid.” Bobby’s too confused, puzzling over that last part, and before he can protest it, Sandy’s grabbed his hand, and drags him inside. 

“But how could I hate her? She's such an angel, but then again, kinda wish she were dead, as she walks by, what a sight for sore eyes, brighter than a blue sky, she's got you mesmerized, while I die…”

“Sandy…” That’s all Bobby can get out. The cold of the air condition raises goosebumps on his arms, and okay, maybe that isn’t the only reason. Because now, he’s going to be face to face with Patrick, and only Sandy knows why she’s doing this. 

He didn’t think he was wrong though, about Patrick liking Sandy. But now that she’s said that it isn’t her, Bobby feels almost like he’s been thrown into an existential crisis. His stomach clenches, and he desperately tries to stall by any means necessary, but Sandy doesn’t buy any of the excuses he’s giving her. She just tells Bobby to trust him and keeps moving. 

Bobby sees Pat sitting with his mom. His back is towards Sandy and Bobby, but he nods his head at whatever his mom says. Sandy deposits Bobby in a corner, and tells him to “wait there and don’t move,” before making her way over to the pair. 

He debates slipping away, now that Sandy’s back is turned, but he’s frozen instead, helplessly watching the scene unfold in front of him. From what he can see, Sandy puts a hand on Pat’s shoulder, greeting his mom, who smiles at her. Patrick’s looking up at her, and she briefly addresses him before pulling him up. Bobby’s heart is beating wildly in his body, and he swallows as Sandy brushes off the shoulders of Pat’s suit before leading him toward Bobby. 

“Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty, you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester, but you like her better, I wish I were Heather…”

Patrick catches sight of Bobby before the pair is in front of him, and Bobby finds himself mesmerized by Patrick. When they stop, Sandy waits for a beat or two, and exits, aiming a pointed glance at Bobby, the meaning of which he is able to immediately decipher. She’s telling him to confess. That thought sends him into a state of panic, and he blushes, not sure what to do or say. 

“Hey.” Is the first thing to come out of his mouth, and he considers literally face-palming. Instead, however, Bobby watches Patrick’s face scrunch up. 

“Why have you been ignoring me?” Bobby flinches at the emotion underneath the question. He never meant to hurt Patrick, never thought he was.

But now he knows better. “I thought you liked Sandy, I was trying to stay out of the way so you could tell her.” Pat looks taken aback by Bobby’s confession. 

“I don’t….” Pat starts to say something, but trails off, looking slightly confused. 

Bobby breathes in, stomach knotting and unknotting over and over as he debates saying it. He closes his eyes. “I like you.” Those three words stop everything. Bobby’s mind goes still, and he knows it’s impossible, but he swears it feels as though his heart has stopped. 

His hands drop to his sides—funny, he didin’t remember lifting them to begin with— and looks to the side, away from Patrick. He struggles—and fails—to keep a couple of tears from escaping, and he brushes them off, sniffing. “It’s okay, though. You should talk to the person you like.” He starts to back away, back hitting the wall behind him.

“Wish I were Heather, wish I were Heather…”

“Bobby, you should’ve told me—” Pat starts, grabbing the shorter of the two and wraps his arms around Bobby. “I was trying to figure out how to tell you that I liked you.”

  Bobby’s confused. Patrick likes him? “Wait what?” Bobby smartly asks. Patrick breathes in, and exhales before responding. Bobby supposes he’s thinking about what to say. 

“I like you too. I’ve been hanging out with Sandy to get advice on how to tell you. I–we—eventually decided I should do it tonight, at prom.” Bobby doesn’t realize how tightly he’s holding onto Patrick, he’s too focused on listening to what’s being said.

He breathes in, and is surrounded by the scent of Patrick, Hot Topic’s Sugar Cookie scent. Bobby knows Pat would never admit to shopping there, so around the holidays, when they release the scent, Bobby buys a ton for Pat just in case he should run out. “I would never just stop hanging out with you.”

“Why would you ever kiss me? I'm not even half as pretty…”

“Sorry,” Bobby mutters, knowing Pat will hear it. “I should’ve asked if everything was alright instead of assuming and hiding. Especially since we've been best friends since birth." 

                  Patrick shakes his head, and after a minute, both feel as though the hug has branched into the awkward category. 

     Bobby decides it's probably rude to not say hi to Patrick's mom, and when he brings that up to Pat, his best friend (who likes him back?) offers an arm with a goofy grin. Bobby takes this in stride, placing his hand on the inside of Patrick's elbow, trying to match with an equally enthusiastic grin. The pair set off towards the table Mrs. Starr is sitting at, finding Sandy chatting with her. 

     "Hey Mrs. Starr! Hey-a Sandy." Bobby leans down to hug Patrick's mother. 

     "Bobby and I were gonna dance." He tugs Bobby over to the floor, and Bobby waves at the two, sending a smile their way. 

     "Pat, I can't dance." Bobby mutters, but he wraps his arms around Patrick's neck anyways. In return, the taller of the two places his hands at Bobby's waist, tentatively, as though not sure whether Bobby was fine with it. 

     The contact sent a shiver down Bobby's back, stepping closer to Patrick. "Sure you can, anyone can dance, really." Patrick snorts softly, and Bobby elects to leave the matter, leaning his head on Pat's shoulder. 

   "You gave her your sweater, it's just polyester..."

     "So," Pat begins saying something, and Bobby peacefully listens. "Would you like to go with me tomorrow and get ice cream in the park?” Bobby leans away, playfully grinning at Pat. 

“Is that a date?” Bobby laughs a little, knowing the answer already. Pat punches Bobby lightly on the shoulder. 

“You know it is.” Bobby can’t resist leaning up on his toes and placing a chaste kiss on Patrick’s cheek. When he pulls back, he’s delighted to see the faint pink blush on his companion’s cheek. 

And if anyone were to ask him, he definitely did not squeal when Patrick picked him up and spun him around. 

“But you like her better, wish I were…”

#patbob #spongerick #spongebob #patrick #sandy #mr krabs #squidward #spongebob the musical

[jackalopefreckles]

I feel like Ive aged at least 6 years since covid started. Im angrier. Less adapted to being outside then I used to be- which is saying a lot. This time last year I was?? Actually healthier mentally then I had ever been and looking forward to having the house alone for a month which?? Was the most freedom I wouldve ever had.

A lots fucking changed. I drove halfway across the country- all 30 hours at once with my big brother AND two elderly dogs, plus my cat. All animals on too many drugs (the vet said they couldnt overdose, and then failed to give any further instruction) cami peed on herself twice, unable to move. I had to waterboard her in Phoenix, a truly terrifying hell city where all the roads are raised and overlapping and its a hot as shit cause its?? What june?? Time was so fake this year I mustve just been stoned the whole time till I ran out of weed, and since moving its been a relief to be able to turn off the spinning anxious thoughts for a few hours

my big brother joined us. He brought a new dog with him which?? Is always a lot, plus I have this pack of dogs now cause the puppy wouldnt leave the super cancer ridden dog alone, and Im able to get her cbd regularly here, so shes always comfortable now instead of just?? Sometimes which is a lot nicer. We didnt think shed make it to chrisrmas. I thought shed die with me home alone to take care of everything, like always. It was almost a relief, I wouldn't have to coach my brother through the grieving process at least, and I had already finished. Its hard now even, for me to realize she might even have another christmas (but I wont hold my breath)

I feel safer going outside here then I did in Austin. I only went out a handful of times in texas, for the last few months I was ordering almost all groceries, and only going to the store once mask mandates were mandatory (theyre not anymore. Im so worried for texas. I missed a huge freeze by mere months. I dont think my elderly dogs wouldnt survived it. If I was alone with them, Im not sure I woudlve.

My parents took my brother to mexico with them. I begged them not to go, told them how irresponsible it was to travel across boarders. To visit an island and take all the plane germs with. I told them that even if my mom and brother were staying at home all day with me, my dad was still going to work and he didnt know what his coworkers were doing. That they wouldn't know what the people on the plane were doing. That at any point they could become the stupid americans that killed half an islands population.

They left a week after today last year. The boarders were closed the next day. Their friend has been traveling back and forth ever since. I have no idea how, except for the fact shes white and rich and wont hesitate to destroy a child, so I can only imagine how shed treat costomer service.

I will no longer allow this angry aggressive woman to ever make me feel bad, and I will allow myself to finally fight back. Im an adult, maybe not all the time (cause lets be real I'll always be a bit too eccentric for most) but when I get angry and allow myself that anger, it's not a bad thing. Anger doesn't have to make me feel like Ive done something wrong. Im usually very just in my actions, and I wont allow my parents influence to tell me all anger is misdirected and hurtful for reasons I couldnt understand. Its okay for me to be angry.

I think being alone with animals for months is at least reassuring that my childhood was unreasonable if nothing else. Which of course is a silly polite society term for pretty fucked, if nothing else.

My aunt had to gall to say weve had a good 2020 cause our family wasnt hurt, and I had to walk away from the zoom call. I haven't attempted communication with any of them since, not that I normally do. Of course none of us died, all rich old white people, most of them retired and able to stay home all day (not that all of them did, I learned about my grandfathers routine and just.. Im honestly surprised no one got it yet. Of course I knew from the beginning if anyone was gonna get it and die, it probably wouldve been me. Hence the 8 months of solitude before the move.

Was the move in August?? Im so unsure about time. Even with 2020 vision.

I tried to date when I moved here. Strictly on tinder. What was the point? On and off testosterone due to the wonders of texas, hadnt changed my body nearly as much as they should've a year after being on them. I look much more handsome now. Im also allowing myself to toss gender aside completely. He/him doesn't mean man, and they/them dont mean nonbinary, so why not mix them since Im?? Not really either.

It wasnt even a thought process like that to start. Much more "this is nice" which I think more gender should be allowed to be. Dont gotta be deep just comfortable.

I wont ever allow my parents to forget what they did. I ended up with three dogs I didnt want (I was so looking forward to not having any dogs) and I ended up taking care of my brother. Again. Its easier without my parents at least. Everything always is. My dogs are even happier. Cami finally isnt anxious 24/7. Again, a sad reminder my childhood wasn't great. Daisy is healthier. Trauma can be stored emotionally or with health issues, often both. I think the cancer dog getting better and?? Surviving and thriving so much longer then the vet said (how good was my old vet?) Is another unfortunate nail in thay proverbial coffin.

Im not as soft and openly loving. Im even more touch starved somehow. Harsher. I still want to choose love and compassion, but Im not letting myself fall into the trap of being so nice people wont be nice to you. Fighting back is something I wont feel shameful about, because it never stopped me from doing it completely anyway.

I was already reaching this on my own though. This was just more coffins, more nails. This didnt need to happen. We know our government let this happen. Its still letting it happen. Im not sure when Im getting my vaccine. My big brothers sick of quarentine and keeps trying to get us to go out. Sometimes I yield, and we go to a park, or the top floor of the parking garage. I get a vegan hotdog from nearby. We talk and laugh and were genuinely just. Boys being boys.

I shouldn't have to deal with parent shit anymore. I do though, especially since two out of three are unemployed and we can really only afford to live here cause of them (they owe me if anything though. Especially with my brother and these animals) I hope I can get a job soon. Or maybe even go back to school. Im lucky I had so much saved up (for top surgery, which I guess wont happen before Im 25 like I really tried for. I wouldve done it before now, but texas waitlists and rules kept holding me up. I literally went to an appointment in dallas, a 4 hour drive, just to found out the surgeon canceled on me for the second time)

Its incredibly depressing, and I know Im lucky to have had that stash. So many people didnt have anything and lost so much. People lost people. Half a million at this point. I remember when it got to 300,000 and I just?? Felt so awful it was so close to how many people we lost to AIDS. Its over that by so many now. It doesn't really stop, does it??

Is that catholic guilt?? Or maybe just irish guilt in general. Is it something I inherited or earned through all the end of the worlds and once in a lifetime recessions Ive been through. Im not sure how many off the top of my head, theyve been coming since I was so small and its always more and more. Im not even catholic anymore. I cant stop being irish though, even though the brits tried (and succeeded. Weve lost a lot. The current royal cotastrophy is bullshit as well, the only person who deserves a royal title is from Meniappolos

My home is decorate all inside for st patrick's day. My big brother loves it so Im going all out, and its def making me feel much more irish then usual (which is a lot Im over half)

I think I just wanted to say Im not the same. I hope I can still be happy an obnoxious is public. I wonder if I remember how

#TIRED #happy covid anniversary #time to post this without reading it lmao #long post #rambles

[pandawritespoorly]

With Time: Chapter 37 - Alya

Author’s Note: Happy St. Patrick's Day! 🍀 Today's the day that every American tells anyone who'll listen about how they're actually kind of, sort of, partially Irish, if you, like, go back far enough to their great grandmother's cousin's half-sister who married some guy who...

Alright, that's enough of teasing my country. This chapter being posted on a holiday is purely coincidental, so there's not really any mention of it in here, also it wouldn't have been relevant.

I don't know about you guys, but the state I live in is taking the self-quarantine thing pretty seriously. I hope my chapters can help you from going too stir-crazy. I have been writing and baking like crazy (and playing Plague Inc, because, come on, I can't not). Several colleges in Michigan are moving online.

Stay safe you guys! Be sure to disinfect whichever device you're reading this on if you haven't recently.

That's enough about the coronavirus. You're all here for Alya, and I'm prepared to deliver. Enjoy! 

Chapter Summary: Alya and Marinette have a very important (and long overdue) talk.

First | Previous | Next

Chloe: I heard that fake reporter was coming over to ‘apologize’ today, so here’s some stuff to really drive your point home.

 Marinette: wait where did you get those pictures

Marinette: have you had them this whole time???

 Chloe: I have my ways. Don’t question me Dupain-Cheng.

---

Adrien <3: Alya wants to know if it’s a good time for her to come over.

 Marinette: yeah

 Adrien <3: I can tell the others, we can come over.

Adrien <3: Make sure she doesn’t try anything.

 Marinette: kitty.

Marinette: she won’t try anything

Marinette: she just wants to talk i can handle myself

 Adrien <3: Of course, I know you can.

 Marinette: adrien

 Adrien <3: Anyway, she’s headed over. I’ll let the others know so we can wait in the park and glare at her. It’s the least we can do.

 Marinette: or you could go about your day as usual and not bother with needless interruptions

 Adrien <3: We were already going to hang out, now we’re just coming by earlier. You can’t run from our love and support.

 Marinette: You don’t need to do that.

 Adrien <3: I’ll make plans that have nothing to do with that then.

---

Hug This Boy: So who wants to go to the park outside of the bakery for reasons completely unrelated to the fact that Alya is coming over to talk to Marinette. It’s just a coincidence if we go to check on Marinette afterward and maybe hurt Alya if need be.

Hug This Boy: Completely unrelated. 

 Patisserie Princess: Adrien.

 Hug This Boy: It’s so fun watching the grass grow.

 Kid Mime: o absolutly

Kid Mime: its so green

 The Mom Friend: yep

 Melodie: So fascinating.

 Felix: Most definitely.

 Patisserie Princess: …

Patisserie Princess: this isn’t necessary

 Melodie: Well how else are we going to look at the grass that happens to be right outside your house?

 Kid Mime: yea mari

 Patisserie Princess: oh she’s here ive got to go

Patisserie Princess: all of you are to go about your day as usual

 Hug This Boy: Wow, the next event on my schedule is ‘watching grass grow at the park that happens to be outside of Mari’s place’.

 The Mom Friend: wat a coincdence same here

---

“Alya,” Marinette states, opening the door, “Let’s go to my room.”

She nods numbly, and the pair make their way upstairs, ignoring the glares from Tom and Sabine.

They both sit on the floor of her room, and they sit in silence for what feels like an eternity.

Alya breaks first.

“Mari- Marinette. I’m sorry. I was supposed to be a reporter and I didn’t even bother to fact check! I just believed her because I was so- so- so infatuated with her stories! She sounded so cool! She’d been everywhere and met everyone, and then… she hadn’t. It was all a lie. You were right. When the slides changed during the competition it felt like everything stopped. I couldn’t even process that everything she’d told us seemed to be a lie. Everyone apologized to you yesterday, and I should have the moment I knew the truth, but I wanted to process it first because… well I mean now I’m trying to avoid acting before thinking- Not that I’m suggesting that you made anything up, or something like that! I’m not! I just wanted to make sure I had all my thoughts in order. I’m so sorry,” Alya says hurriedly.

“You’re not wrong,” Marinette agrees, “You completely threw me out for someone you didn’t even know. The whole class hurt me, but Alya… you hurt me the most. More than Lila - sure, she tore me down enough that I was definitely in a bad place… but you?” she sighs, “Do you even- Alya, do you remember the first week of school? Do you remember Thursday? Can you just… go through it with me? How did we go from making plans to… that?”

Alya is tearing up, but nods. “I didn’t know anything was happening until I got there. Lila was sobbing hysterically, and she looked awful. A few of the class were already with her, and she said she had something to tell us, but wanted to wait for everyone. She said she’d already talked to Adrien. When everyone got there she said that she was being bullied. Regular insults, cyberbullying, attempts at isolating her, so much and it was all so awful. Afterwards, we were all obviously furious and spent at least five minutes convincing her to give us a name. All she managed was to say your name and then she started sobbing and wouldn’t speak anymore. Then class started, and you came in like everything was normal and just made me more mad, I absolutely hated you,” her voice cracks, “So when class was over we all confronted you. We thought you were lying, we thought you threw yourself down the stairs for pity points. We figured if Chloe was coming to your defense, then you must be a bully, and when you left and didn’t return we just took that as you running away. Going to start over in a new place.”

Alya is openly crying now, staying as quiet as she can.

“That’s not how I saw it. You know, to this day my memories of it are vague, and there’s like half of it I can’t remember period. I spent hours just dead, staring at nothing,” Marinette takes a shaky breath, preparing herself. That day is still the hardest part to talk or think about for her, even all these months later. “I went to school in a good mood, you know, because we’d talked for the first time in months and were making plans to hang out. Lila had been gone for a while and I figured that she wouldn’t be back and I could have more of a break. Everything seemed normal in class, I was worried about being late, especially with Adrien gone. Then class ended. You were yelling at me, maybe Nino too? I couldn’t breathe right, and I tried to leave. You grabbed my wrist and suddenly everyone was yelling, and then the door slammed. You were surprised and I twisted myself away, falling down the stairs. By then I’d realized the door slam was another person and I was scared, so I ran. Chloe and Sabrina found me in the bathroom, and from there I don’t know, but others have filled me in. Chloe brought me home and apparently took pictures. Then Maman must have had me go to my room. Chat Noir said he saw me on my balcony and I was completely unresponsive. He sent me to bed, and then it was the next day.” Somehow, Marinette manages to get through the story with minimal voice cracking and tears.

Alya makes a choked sound, more tears falling. After a moment she croaks, “Can I see the pictures?”

Marinette looks at her. “What? Why?” “I deserve it. I was the reason you fell and I need to see what I did.”

Marinette pauses. She didn’t intend to show anyone the pictures, they were obviously upsetting. She’s sitting on the counter, slumped and staring downward. She had expected her eyes to be haunted, or sad, or something like that, but they were just… empty. Nothing at all. Somehow it’s worse that way.

Her red-rimmed eyes and dried tear tracks are proof of her earlier crying.

Marinette is covered in fresh bruises, on her arms, legs, and the one on her face. She got scratches near most of them, the angry red of the skin outlining and accentuating the bruises. Her wrist is clearly sprained - swelled and bruised. Her Maman is in front of her, cleaning her up as best she can, applying bandages and putting an ice pack on the wrist.

“Are you sure? You don’t need to see them. They’re-”

Alya nods. “I deserve it.”

So Marinette turns the phone to her.

Alya covers her mouth in horror, fresh tears coming to her eyes. She won’t let herself look away. She flips through each picture repeatedly, growing more and more upset. Her expression changes momentarily, confusion to sickened understanding.

“I’m so sorry,” she sobs, “I’m so so so sorry. I never- There’s no excuse- I- I’m so sorry.”

Marinette takes the phone. Seeing the screenshots that Chloe sent, she winces. She still doesn’t like reading them, somehow the pictures of her are more bearable so she switches back to those before shutting the device off.

“Why?” Marinette asks, “What on Earth was going on that day that you thought I deserved to hear those things? I wa- n-need to know.”

Alya shakes her head. “There’s no excuse. I… I was having a bad day, and then Lila told us that Ladybug had sided with you and I j-j-just got so mad. It felt better than just wallowing in self-pity. You s-sent that text and I just u-used you as some sort of p-personal punching bag. I t-t-texted you for a while, and then Adrien, Chloe, and Sabrina showed up. I guess Sabrina grabbed my ph-phone when I was d-distracted with Chloe and deleted your contact. I sp-spe-spent the rest of the day mad at you.”

Marinette stares at a corner of her room, her voice soft. “I was at lunch. I was already having a bad day, and I had found out you deleted the Ladyblog so I was thinking about you and wondering where I went wrong and how much you guys hated me, which was honestly the usual, but moreso.” Alya barely stifles a cry. “I meant to text Allegra, but I’d taken the wrong phone to school. I made myself read each text, and it was everything I’d been t-telling myself, so that was…” Marinette looks away and takes a deep breath. “My friends found me, and somehow I got to the library. I don’t…. I don’t really remember much until I got home, and Adrien was there and I decided to tell them why I transferred.”

“I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

Marinette shakes her head. “I didn’t have you come over so we could compare events. Alya, you were my first friend, my best friend, and you just… left me. I don’t understand.” Her voice cracks.

Alya reaches toward her slightly, then remembers herself and draws back. Guilt claws at her inside, and it feels like it is coursing through her veins. “I- always thought that you had deceived us. That you had somehow faked kindness and that Lila was finally showing us the truth. I was d-disgusted with myself for ha-having ever called you my friend, and I just wanted t-to d-d-do everything I c-could to make it up to Lila for it. I thought- I started avoiding you near the end of school because you seemed like you were changing for the worse. Then that first week back just seemed to prove it. I’m so sorry, Marinette.”

Somehow, something about her words angers the designer. She’d been doing her best to stay calm, but something in her wants to make Alya understand how she was hurt and hurt her back.

“Oh?” Her voice is scathing, and she fakes disinterest, exaggeratingly inspecting her nails. “See, to me, I felt like I was losing my best friend. I had been so sure that Lila’s threat to take all my friends away would never come true. I told myself that sure, we weren’t as close, but you didn’t hate me. Then I returned to school. Wednesday we made plans to hang out, do you remember? I was so hopeful after that, and then you were the first to turn. All of you just threw me out - do you have any idea how badly that messed me up? How long it took me to believe I was worthy of being cared about after that?”

Like someone watching their neighbor’s house burn in the night, Alya stares as Marinette continues.

“I still haven’t recovered properly! My anxiety is so much worse now, because come on, look what Lila did in less than a year! Who knows what could happen! A part of my mind is still constantly waiting for people to leave me again, and while I no longer believe it- thank goodness- actually no! Thank my friends, because they stayed. They cared about me, when I didn’t even care about me and I would never have recovered without them! So yeah, while I no longer think that they’ll leave me, there’s a part of my mind forever wondering ‘what if they do’. I thought I’d lost them before. You met them after an akuma attack and Lila was with you, and I saw them talking to you and I was so sure that they would find out about everything and then they’d start looking at me in disgust too, that I’d be forced to watch more people drift away, to lose people again, and then I’d be alone again! They didn’t even know what happened yet! They found me having a panic attack and the first thing I said was that I’d prove to them that I wasn’t lying! I was so desperate! I didn’t want to lose them too! And…” Marinette exhales, fury dying down and giving way to exhaustion. “Look. We used to be so close, but no matter what, that can’t happen again. There’s a rift now. I don’t hate you, and I’m not saying I never want to speak to you, maybe years from now, we could maybe be some sort of friends, but we can never be best friends again, if we ever were.”

Alya nods. “Th-th-that’s fine. I don’t deserve you. Y-you’re b-be-being too nice as it i-is.”

Marinette’s heart breaks. She wants to comfort her so badly, but she won’t lie, and she’s beginning to feel that maybe it’s okay to think someone doesn’t deserve her. She has value, and if people don’t treat her that way, then she knows who isn’t worth her time. She won’t agree with the statement though, that just feels too mean, and she can’t bring herself to say it to her face.

The two sit in an awkward silence for some time, interrupted only by Alya’s barely stifled sniffling and sobbing. Marinette grabs her phone.

 Marinette: would you be up to talking with alya?

 Adrien <3: What did she do?

 Marinette: r talk went fine i meant for the way she treated u.

 Adrien <3: Oh.

Adrien <3: Sure.

 Marinette: well be on r way down

 “Alya? I think you should talk to Adrien. The way he was treated at school is inexcusable,” Marinette says coldly. She flips up on the messages app as she turns off her phone.

The other girl nods shakily, and they head downstairs. When they reach the entrance to the park, it’s not hard to spot her group of friends. The five of them are out on the grass, chatting with each other. Marinette walks over to them, staring down at them. “Watching the grass grow, huh?”

They all turn to look at her, there are several cries of ‘Mari!’ from everyone but Felix who just remarks, “Oh yes, it is indeed very intriguing.”

She can see the barely concealed smirk on his face, and she just rolls her eyes. “Goodness, you guys.”

“How did it go?” Allegra asks, eyeing Alya warily.

“It went fine. She’s here to talk with Adrien.”

Adrien nods, standing to give Marinette a quick hug before walking with Alya to the other side of the park.

“...I feel bad. She’s so upset,”  Marinette mumbles.

Allegra hugs her tightly, and Marinette can tell she’s scowling. “As she should, after what she did.”

“Still.”

“You care too much, that’s all,” Claude justifies, “Too much empathy, which isn’t the worst trait to have.”

“We can hate her enough for you,” Allegra growls, still watching Alya.

“She doesn’t deserve that. I don’t want her to hate herself for this, that’s not good.”

“Oh, ‘Nette. I’m sure she won’t hate herself, prob’ly just be pretty guilty for a while.” Allan reassures.

Felix adds, “Even if she did, it would not be your fault in the slightest. You cannot control what other people think.”

Marinette frowns, unconvinced.

Claude musses up her hair, earning an affronted squeak from the girl. He ignores her, saying, “Anyways, do you want to hear about the grass we’ve been watching? I swear it’s grown a whole one thousand twenty fourth of a millimeter.”

“Did you actually watch grass grow?”

“Well, that’s what we said we were gonna’ do, isn’t i’?” Allan teases.

Marinette shakes her head, sighing.

“Actually, it’s technically spring right now, how are you doing?” Allegra asks.

Marinette grins. “I’m back to normal, but in a few weeks? Once flowers start blooming I’m going to be a little hyper, so prepare yourself.”

“Wonderful,” Felix mutters, “Two Claudes.”

“You love meeeee!!” Claude flops towards him, teasing.

“I suppose.”

“So, is that from the same thing that makes you try to hibernate?” Allan checks.

“Yup! I really like spring! Flower crowns incoming.”

“I am all for flower crowns!” Claude crows.

“I’m guessing Adrien knows about this?” Allegra says, “He seemed to know something when spring was brought up, but decided he was going to be all cryptic about it.”

“It’s just more fun that way!” The boy in question returns, going next to Marinette.

“He’s not wrong.”

“Oh, of course you would agree with that, Claude.”

They bat their eyes innocently. “Why, Allegra, I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“Pfff. Yeah, you’re definitely the picture of innocence, buddy.” Allan rolls his eyes.

Claude gasps. “Allan! You’d betray me like this? Does our friendship mean nothing? Et tu, Brute?”

The boy puts the back of his hand on his forehead, falling backwards.

“Oh no! Claude feign-ted!” Adrien cries.

It takes a moment, but Claude is the first to get it, cracking up. Marinette just sighs wearily, soon followed by Felix. Allan and Allegra understand at the same time, the former laughing, and the latter groaning.

---

Author’s Note: How was that for a chapter? Originally, I was going to have her friends see the pictures, but it didn't quite fit in, and it wouldn't have led to anything big, so I dropped it.

Were you surprised there wasn't a strong language warning? I was when I was proofreading.

Hey, who wants to see the results of the survey? Do you want them later today or on Saturday (to give it a full week)? Also, there's some great extra responses from that bit at the end, so do you guys just want to see all of them or have me find some highlights? If you haven't taken it, please do, because I'm having a blast. Also, should I do another survey for a dumb debate like this, because I already found another great question.

(Can you tell I've been cooped up inside only leaving to walk the dog or get groceries? A little stir crazy here. My dog is just happy I'm home more.)

Regardless, I look forward to any and all comments you have for me! You guys make me smile!

P.S. I haven’t done a ‘things I’ve overheard’ in a while. I’ll probably post one soon.

First | Previous | Next

#miraculous ladybug #with time #fanfic #alya cesaire #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #quantic kids #ml felix #text interactions #apology #apologizing #alya screwed up #and she knows it #everyone stay safe #wash your hands #disinfect stuff #stay hydrated #I should chill #my mom friend is showing

[fiftyshadesgrl]

He saved me/ part 9

Summary: reader is in a abusive relationdhip. When things take a turn for the worst she finds help in the winchesters.

Warning: this story will have smut, language, violence, abuse and torture. If youre triggered by any of this i suggest not reading.

6 months later....

Me and bobby were sitting at the table eating the homemade lasanga and garlic bread i had made when his phone started to ring. He leaned over and with one hand snatched the phone from its cradle never faltering with his other hand that had a fork full of lasanga.

"Yeah?" Bobby said evenly. "Alright what time will you be in?" Bobby glanced my direction, i smiled warmly at him and he just stared. "Alright see you in a few."

He sighed when he hung up, "that was sam." I perked up at the mention of his name. I hadnt seen him in so long and to be honest i missed him. "Theyre going to stop by, need some info on a hunt."

I smiled, "thats great! I miss that boy." Then it hit me. "Wait, you said they. That means.."

He nodded, "yeah deans gonna be here too. Sam wanted to give you a heads up before they get here. Ya know, just in case you wanna bolt."

I thought about it long and hard, would seeing dean bring up all those old feelings ive been burying since i left? Would he even be happy to see me? Would he be mad? Would he even acknowledge i was here?

I sighed and gave him a small smile that im sure didnt reach my eyes. "Ill be alright bobby, ive got dinner dishes to do and plenty to keep me occupied. If i know dean hes gonna want food so ill fix them a plate when they get here then you wont even know im here."

We finished our dinner and when i stood to take our plates i asked, "what time will they be here?"

"Id say about another hour."

I nodded and made my way to the kitchen to get started on the dishes and to clean up.

An hour and a half later there was a knock on the door. I could hear from the kitchen.

"Hiya bobby." Sam said.

"Good to see ya boys." Bobby said sounding cheerful.

"Doing some spring cleaning bobby?" That was the voice that has haunted me for the past 6 months. I could almost smell him from where i stood. That comforting feeling blanketed me just by hearing his voice. I sighed to myself knowing he didnt know i was here.

I took the lasanga and plated a huge piece for sam and dean, along with placing the garlic bread in the basket from earlier. I took a deep breath and took my first steps out towards the boys.

I walked up behind them where they sat at the table, i set down the plates in front of them. Both men jerked in response then our eyes met.

"(Y/N)!" Sam jumped up from his spot at the table and engulfed me in a huge hug.

"Hey sammy, its good to see you." I was geniunely happy to see him.

He pulled back and inspected me, "you look great. How are you doing?"

"Better than i was last time you saw me." I said matter of factly and im sure dean knew what incident i was talking about.

"What the hell?" Dean said still in shock i think.

"Hey dean." I said in a flat tone. His brow furrowed at that.

"How long have you been here?" He asked.

"6 months." I said over my shoulder making my way to get their drinks. When i turned around from the fridge dean was standing there behind me.

"You have been here this whole time and never contacted me? Ive been going crazy not knowing where you were." Dean sounded mad, the nerve.

I straightend my spine to stand as tall as i could, "you made it pretty clear that night what you wanted."

"Damn it (Y/N), thats not fair."

I chuckled, "lifes not fair dean, you of all people should know that. Now go back and eat. I cant stand for food to be wasted."

"We are not done here." He said through gritted teeth.

I pushed past him but turned around right before i walked out. "Yeah dean, we are." With that i placed the drinks on the table and walked upstairs.

I changed into my running clothes the same ones i wore the night me and dean had sex. He thinks he has a hold on me well im going to remind him just what he walked out on.

I hopped down the stairs and put my hair up in a high ponytail. I hooked my ipod to my armband and slipped my tennis shoes on. All eyes focused on me when i walked into the dining room.

"Im going for a run, dont stay up to late old man." I walked over to bobby and kissed his cheek.

He smiled up at me "be careful."

"Dont worry, ill be fine." I looked to sam and dean and didnt fail to notice the lust in his eyes. "If you boys are gone before i get back, its been nice seeing ya again."

Sam stood and gave me a hug and a peck on the cheek. Dean didnt move didnt even look at me. I slapped him on the shoulder, "see ya deano."

With that i made my way outside. I started stretching my muscles when i got out in the warm air. I was getting ready to start my run when i heard the front door open behind me.

"(Y/N), we need to talk." Deans voice sent a chill up my spine but i tried my best to ignore it. I closed my eyes and sighed as i turned towards him.

"Have you found parker yet?"

Dean shook his head.

"Then we have nothing to talk about." I said as i started walking up the driveway. Dean was close behind me.

"Yes we do. You cant run from me forever."

I picked up my pace to a light jog, "tell ya what. If you can keep up we can talk."

I started running faster, i knew dean didnt do running. I heard him huffing then stop all together. I smiled over my shoulder at him then put my ear buds in and cranked up my music.

When i got back to bobbys an hour later the impala was still parked in the driveway. I rolled my eyes and opened the front door. I heard the guys talking in the living room then i heard my name come up.

"I dont know what to do. (Y/N) just wont talk to me." That was dean.

"Maybe she will come around. I mean you walked out on her at the worst time in her life." I recognized that as sam. He was taking up for me.

"Did she never mention anything to you? I mean she has been here for half a year." Dean asked bobby.

"She never talked to me about anything. I wasnt going to force her." Bobby said sounding aggitated.

"You mean to tell me after all this time you two living under the same roof nothing has come up about that night?"

I heard a glass slam down on the table. "You calling me a liar?"

I figured id show my face before it got more heated. "Im back, gonna grab a shower then head to bed."

Bobby nodded and i dashed up the stairs before anyone could say anything else. After my shower i walked down stairs to get a bottle of water. The guys were talking about some kind of lore and really didnt pay me no mind.

I walked back upstairs but instead of going to bed i went into the other spare room and started sorting files and cleaning up.

I almost had all the files organized and in their own seperate piles, i just had to put them in the file cabinet. A certain file caught my eye, the name sounded so familiar. Patrick windsor, i opened the file and gasped. It was parkers father.

I started reading through the file and it had all kinds of locations where he had been at and owned. Apparently patrick was a demon as well, working for lucifer himself. I was so focused on the file that i didnt hear someone approaching.

"Couldnt sleep?" Deans rough voice sounded from the doorway. I looked up and he was sipping yet another beer.

"No, i came up here to sort through all of this." I said in a flat tone, hoping he would just go away. I didnt want to discuss anything with dean right now. Instead he walked in and took a seat in the chair right across from me.

He didnt say a word, just sat there watching me. After a few minutes it started to get under my skin. "Why are you in here?" I asked a little snippy.

He smiled, "for you." I rolled my eyes and continued placing the files in different stacks. "Come on (Y/N), you cant ignore me forever."

"Its worked for six months."

He sighed heavily and stood up. Walking over to where i was sitting on the floor. I thought he might leave but instead he sat down next to me.

"I know i hurt you, but i was only looking out for your well being." He ran a hand through his hair, "ive learned that in this life we dont get love. We dont get happily ever afters. A hunter can retire and ward off whats out there. Like bobby, he lost his wife a long time ago and has never got close to anyone since. A hunters family and loved ones are never safe."

I nodded letting him talk, this is a side that i doubt many people ever saw of dean. I felt a little honored that he would open up to me, so i let him continue.

"That night when you told me you loved me it scared the hell out of me. Not because i dont want you, because you have already been through so much. You cant and shouldnt fall for me. Youre just going to get hurt or worse."

I nodded and placed the file i was holding down beside me. "I understand where youre coming from, but you cant push everyone away dean."

He shook his head, "i dont think you do. I tried the whole leave this life behind and have a family thing. She had a son, i thought of him like my own. I loved her and for a minute i was happy. Then a demon possesed her and tried to kill her right in front of me and her son. We got her to the hospital and cas healed her but i also asked him to take away all of lisa and bens memories of me. That was hard to see a woman and kid i loved look at me a different way than they had that morning. Never knowing who i was, but it was better for them, if i had never came into their lives in the first place it wouldnt have happened. So i just made things right, the way they shouldve been."

A silent tear fell from my eyes hearing dean talk about what he has went through. I now truly understood his hesitance about getting close to people. Instead of making me hate him it made me love him that much more, but i could never act upon it again. He downed the rest of his beer and sat the bottle down next to his leg.

"Dean, im sorry for everything you have went through. I have never had someone who truly loved me so i wouldnt know how that feels." I figured since he opened up to me it was only fair that i do the same. "At first i thought parker loved me. I just got so blinded by his words. I never had a family i was in the system until i was 15, then i ran away and never looked back. I was prostituting to make rent and for a little food, then i met parker. He took me in, sweet talked me, made empty promises on marrying me having children and having anything i would ever wanted. I fell for it and that has led me to where i am now."

"You can still have that life. Get married, have a family."

I shook my head, "no parker done so much damage to me that he destroyed the chance of me ever having children."

He opened his mouth to say something but i cut him off. "I never knew what love was, until i met you. Youre just so easy to fall for, but i know now that you dont feel the same way."

"(Y/N)....."

"Let me finish." He nodded and i continued. "Just because you dont love me doesnt make you less of a person. Youre a great guy and i hope one day you can prove youself wrong."

He looked down at the floor, when he looked up his eyes had tears in them. I placed a hand on his that he had on his leg. "Its okay dean, dont beat yourself up." Just as he was about to say something sam appeared in the doorway.

"I think we may have something on parker."

@an-unhealthy-obsession

#dean winchester #dean x reader #deanwinchester #supernatural #deanwinchestersmut #dean x you

[linskywords]

Okay sorry I've been slacking. School has been crazy and I was out of town for Easter weekend and I've been meaning to take the time to tell you HOW AMAZING STROMECAT HAS BEEN but I haven't had the time and I wanted to do it properly. I checked my email on the plane right before take off and saw that chapter 7 was available made an audible squee and immediately downloaded it to read on the plane. So while I havent been bombarding your inbox ive been here. ive been reading, ive been squeeing

Okay, first of all, you don’t have to apologize!! But I’m super glad you’ve been enjoying it and that the squeeing has continued. And I am extra honored that it merited immediate plane reading. :D

chapter 7 was so painful and so good. I love me some good angst. And then Chapter 8 was amazing. Perhaps my favorite chapter. Because he gets to come to Chicago but he's still not letting himself DO ANYTHING. And then I loved the Kane interaction. I've been rereading the whole wolfverse for like the 80th time and I forgot how much I love the Kane/Toews stories. and ugh its just so good

Hahaha, so glad you’ve been enjoying the prolonged angst. Dylan had so many opportunities but was paralyzed by his own self-doubt...the poor bb. :( SO glad you liked Patrick’s and Jonny’s appearances her. It was such a joy to be able to show them nine years in, happy with their family and each other and their place in the league! Such a long way for Patrick to come. :D

This last chapter was EVERYTHING tho. The TOEWS CHAT WAS AMAZING. I love alpha toews. I love how much an absolute idiot Dylan is. I want to give him the biggest squeezy hug ever and also bash his head into the wall. But then the talk. The talk was everything. ALEX HAS WANTED HIM FOREVER. I still want a silently pining Alex POV fic for this ngl. I literally threw my hands up in the air when they finally agreed to the bond. It was so good. AND THEN THEY CANT BE SEPARATED

Hahaha Dylan is SUCH an idiot. Fortunately, Jonny knows how to deal with idiots. He isn’t captain of an NHL team for nothing. XD

I...am more tempted than before to write a silently pining Alex POV for this. I probably won’t?? But oh man it would be fun. Actually, when I was first thinking about characterizations for this, since this was such a new pairing for me and even for the fandom, I said to a friend, “I think Alex will be like Elinor Dashwood. You know, feeling a lot, just...dealing with it really well.” Which I think would be super fun to show. (But also what about all the other pairings I want to add to wolfverse...)

THEY CAN’T BE SEPARATED. Happiness forever.

#i mean maybe not perfectly happy every moment #but they're together now #let the happiness begin #stromecat #hockey rpf #wolfverse #dylan strome #alex debrincat #patrick kane #jonathan toews #scottiedarling

[shakespearean-tc]

Last day of school post?

Originally posted July 3rd, 2019 Ok so i guess it wasnt my official last dayof school but it was like a month ago and i decided to,,, talk about it??? since i never did and it was literally like ugh my heART this is basically more stuff about A so if you arent interested ignore this post

So,,, the last day that i really went to school was this thing that ,,,, idk if other schools do it but its lagoon day where the seniors go to Lagoon and like half the teachers go to chaperone, right??? So i got there early because I always get to school early and I saw a familiar mess of brown hair and i just got hype??? My heart practically did the happy emote and he turned around and smiled really big and he was like “M!!!! Hi!” and he waved and stuff then he went up the stairs because he was heading to the class he was subbing for (that was before class)

Later my friends came to school and i was just kinda sitting there being a dork and daydreaming and then i was like “OH YEAH A is here!!!” and my theatre friend was really happy yknow and we jsut talked for a while and i was like “man i wish he was subbing for my french teacher, but i know hes not because she didnt hire a substitue because she knew like no one would come” and so i got a little sad but yknow i knew id see him at lunch and stuff

well the bell rang and i headed up stairs to the french room and it was empty from what i saw so i popped my head in and GUESS WHO WAS SITTING AT THE DESK

YUP YOU GUESSED IT

So i played it cool because i can totally do that yknow and just kinda leaned against the doorframe and i was like “well, fancy seeing you here.” and he looked up and smiled again and laughed and he was like “are you following me?” and i laughed and sat down in my desk and i asked him how he was etc etc and we jsut talked for a while until the bell rang signaling that class was to start but??? no one walked in??? and so i was talking to him when two of my friends walked in and stuff and so we just?? sat and played cards all period long?? i say this but we actually (A and I) broke into song because I mentioned this musical I really love (Hadestown) and A kinda stared at me for a minute and his eyes went wide and the conversation went as such:

A: “Wait, you like Hadestown?” Me: “Yeah? I LOVE Hadestown.” A: “I… I love Hadestown too! I just didn’t know that anyone liked it.” Me: “Okay, wait- What’s your favorite song?” A: “Well, Way Down Hadestown is SUPER great, but the one I really love is Wait for Me or Hey, Little Songbird. I wish I had Patrick Page’s voice. What about you?” Me: “Hey, Little Songbird is literally one of my favorites. Also same?? I wish I could sing as good as anyone in the cast.” A: *he smiled and started singing it (his vocal range is tenor so he hiked up the key and we changed the tune a bit because yes)*

So we literally ran around the room singing Hey, Little Songbird and like, 17 other songs from miscellaneous musicals. My other friends joined in too and it was so much fun

Obviously, we were still in school, and so that class period had to end ;-; I had Physics next and I was whining to him how I really didn’t want to go. He turned to me and said “Listen. You’ve gotta go to class M. If you actually get permission from your teacher to come back, then fine. But I don’t want you to skip class because you missed me.” I agreed, begrudgingly and headed to Physics, which was literally across the hall.

I went in talked to my teacher and was back in the french room in like under 15 minutes

The classroom was empty and he was just sitting at the teachers desk playing pokemon on his frigging nintendo ds and i laughed and he looked up and was like “oh hey, i didnt think you’d be back” i told him my physics teacher told me i could leave since,,, she doesnt really like me and i had already done everything i needed to do like fr its the end of the school year why would she want me to hang out in her class for an hour???

anyway i hopped up onto the table and we just,,, talked??? about everything??

I told him I was super bummed about school ending and not being able to go to Drama class everyday. He told me he was worried because him and his girlfriend were having a lot of issues lately and he was struggling with knowing to stick it out or just break it off. I told him that I was not gonna influence his decision whatsoever, but that whatever he chose,,, he needed to keep in mind that HIS mental and physical health was the most important at this point. We eventually brushed that subject away because I told him I would be of no help at all bc,,, ive like never been in a healthy relationship so i didnt know what was right and what was wrong - i dont remember how but i think he asked me how class was going and what classes i was going to be happy to be done with and i was like “hOOOO BOI HISTORY CLASS fOR SURE” and he kinda laughed and was like,,, “what why”

and i just weNT OFF telling him how trashy of a class it was and that no one would pay attention and that my teacher would always rant about democrats and liberals and just say all this garbage about how trashy immigrants were and etc etc and he just sighed and he apologised that i had to deal with a teacher like that and we started to talk about some prick in that class that went off about how rape isnt rape if she doesnt outright say no

me and A just,,, bonded over mutual disgust for this kid haha

anyway after that i just kinda,,, decided to lay down on the table bc i was tired and i kinda sighed and stared at the ceiling. I think A could tell something was up with me because he asked me what was wrong and I kinda gave him a “nothing is wrong im fine” kinda mumbled response. of course this is A and he obviously knew i was lying so he asked me again and i jsut kinda started to choke up and I sat up with tears in my eyes. Immediately he was like, “Omg what’s the matter whats up” and I just,, broke down and told him I was super worried about my friend who he knows as well. I told him that I was stressed and that I felt like our friendship was mostly one sided. That I was just there because… I was the one that put everything into our friendship and instead of her giving AND taking as well, it was just her taking and taking and i was left in the dust. I basically poured my heart out to him and told him that I didn’t want to break things off because I didn’t want to hurt her but I told him that my mental health was suffering gREATLY. Of course, he took my advice and shoved it back into my face. It went something like this,,, A: “You need to take care of yourself. You. Come. First. You put everyone else before you, and that’s such an admirable trait, but you need to take care of yourself as well. Your mental health is in danger because you refuse to put yourself first. And you need to. At least, every once in a while. Anyone is lucky to have you care so deeply for them, but… you need to step back and be selfish for a while.” (I kind of flinched when he said selfish, because I have a big issue with that word, and I guess he noticed) “Why do you- You don’t like that word. Selfish. You don’t like it, do you?” Me: “I just… I’ve been called selfish a lot by my family and past friends and romantic… partners…? I don’t like it at all.” A: “You? Selfish?” *he laughs* “Bull. You’re one of, if not THE most selfless people I know. Listen to me. It is OKAY to be selfish sometimes. Not all the time, yeah. But you need to take care of yourself.” Me: “I just… I love my friends so much that I… I’d rather that I be miserable and they be happy, because… then they’re happy. Y’know?” A: *he smiles, but I think it was kinda a sad smile because his eyes looked a little tearful* “M. You have a heart of gold.That’s rare nowadays. In my opinion, it’s a blessing and a curse. You just need to learn to take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your life.” The conversation kind of… fizzled out after that emotional,,, discussion but we did talk about college and I asked him a lot about being a student teacher. The bell rang, we said goodbye and??? That was really it? I visited him at lunch and we ate and talked a lot more because I had a bunch of questions about college (i’ve been thinking about going to the same college that he is because they have a really good teaching program) but that was,,, pretty much it. School’s been over for a while and I just asjdfajf i miss him a lot this post was so  long super super sorry haha have a good day i guess??? end of the post??? how do i finish this whatever goodbye yall haha

#I adore him #He's too good to me #I love him #teacher #student teacher #student #teacher crush #teacher x student #student teacher x student #tcc #tcc blog #tcc community

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 29 April 2019

Quick Bits:

Angel #0 spins out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer #4 (the ending events of which are presented again at the beginning here), giving us a flashback of Angel in Los Angeles and a case involving a werewolf. The tone here from Bryan Edward Hill, Gleb Melnikov, Gabriel Cassata, and Ed Dukeshire is bleaker than the Buffy series, but it’s fitting.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Barbarella/Dejah Thoris #3 is a whole lot of flirting. Gorgeous artwork from  Germán García and Addison Duke with some impressive lettering from Crank!

| Published by Dynamite

Batman #70 wakes up from its “Knightmares” for the first part of “The Fall and the Fallen” by Tom King, Mikel Janín, Jorge Fornés, Jordie Bellaire, and Clayton Cowles. It throws down a gauntlet of Bats’ rogues as he fights to escape Arkham Asylum.

| Published by DC Comics

Batman/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III #1 is the first of these series that I’ve picked up, so I didn’t initially clue in that this wasn’t necessarily how this crossover had played out previously, but this first issue features a world of the two properties mashed-up in a combined reality. It’s an interesting start from James Tynion IV, Freddie E. Williams II, Kevin Eastman, Jeremy Colwell, and Tom Napolitano with some gorgeous artwork.

| Published by DC Comics & IDW

Black Hammer ‘45 #3 features a guest-spot for a young Abraham Slam, who seems to rub the Black Hammer Squadron the wrong way through trying to follow through with ideals and principles. It’s an interesting underlining of whatever potentially grey area operation the squad is on, as Jeff Lemire, Ray Fawkes, Matt Kindt, Sharlene Kindt, and Marie Enger continue to let that plot point simmer.

| Published by Dark Horse

Champions #5 is a tie-in to War of the Realms and also serves as a bit of glue to hold together different parts of the event, building upon things across different areas of the Marvel universe. It also gives us a very heartfelt reunion of Ms. Marvel and Cyclops, wonderfully told by Jim Zub, Juanan Ramírez, Marcio Menyz, and Clayton Cowles.

| Published by Marvel

DC’s Year of the Villain Special #1 gives a trio of teasers, two largely for the two sides of the Justice League/Legion of Doom stuff that has been going on, providing a backbone for the Year of the Villain event, and the third for Brian Michael Bendis’ brainchild of Event Leviathan, which unfortunately feels kind of out of place with the rest of it. As though the two separate stories are competing for resources, rather than being part of a cohesive whole. That said, all of the teasers do their job fairly well, piquing interest in what’s to come.

| Published by DC Comics

DCeased #1 is basically DC’s answer to Marvel Zombies by way of Stephen King’s Cell, but it’s damn entertaining work from Tom Taylor, Trevor Hairsine, James Harren, Stefano Gaudiano, Rain Beredo, and Saida Temofonte. The set-up for the series with Darkseid meddling with the Anti-Life Equation and winding up with something worse is perfect.

| Published by DC Comics

Deathstroke #43 is kind of the conclusion to “The Terminus Agenda”, on paper at least. There’s still an epilogue over in the next issue of Teen Titans and the final page of this one sets up something huge going forward.

| Published by DC Comics

Descendent #1 begins another new conspiracy thriller, building off a child abduction and a “truther”, from Stephanie Phillips, Evgeniy Bornyakov, Lauren Affe, and Troy Peteri. It’s a bit of a slow build, working to develop the characters nicely, but there’s an intriguing mystery here.

| Published by AfterShock

Doctor Who: The Thirteenth Doctor #7 continues the hunt for the Stilean Flesh Eaters as the Doctor and the team cross paths with some familiar faces. Gorgeous layouts and art here from Roberta Ingranata, Enrica Eren Angiolini, and Viviana Spinelli.

| Published by Titan

Eclipse #15 reaches a boiling point in this penultimate issue. Zack Kaplan, Giovanni Timpano, Flavio Dispenza, and Troy Peteri have at least partially turned this arc upside down, causing us to have some serious questions about the morality of either side in the conflict. It adds a great depth to the characters’ actions and makes me unsure as to what exactly I’d like to see in the finale.

| Published by Image / Top Cow

Elephantmen 2261: The Pentalion Job #1 begins a new digital original mini-series from Richard Starkings and Axel Medellin. Burba sees himself released from prison early, only to be set up to do a new enormous heist. Starkings builds this one greatly out of what’s come before in the series and the art from Medellin is gorgeous.

| Published by Comicraft

Fallen World #1 is a very welcome return to the future of the Valiant universe, spinning out of the changes made to the world in 4001 AD and War Mother, with Dan Abnett, Adam Pollina, Ulises Arreola, and Jeff Powell weaving gold out of the fallen threads of the fallen New Japan. You needn’t have read anything prior to this, Abnett does a wonderful job filling in necessary details of the world and the characters. The art from Pollina is probably the best I have ever seen from him, there’s detail, grace, and expressiveness that has leapt so far beyond even the beautiful work he’s done before. He and Arreola make this a damn impressive book to look at. Highly recommended.

| Published by Valiant

Giant Days #50 features a cricket match, including an explanation of the game that makes more sense than I’ve ever seen it explained before. John Allison, Max Sarin, Whitney Cogar, and Jim Campbell deliver another hilarious issue, with one hell of a final page.

| Published by Boom Entertainment / BOOM! Box

The Girl in the Bay #4 is the end to this mini from JM DeMatteis, Corin Howell, James Devlin, and Clem Robins. It answers what happened in order to create two Kathy Santoris, and her murderer’s deal, but it maintains the weirdness set from the beginning.

| Published by Dark Horse / Berger Books

Gogor #1 is an entertaining start to this fantasy series from Ken Garing. The set up for the Domus taking over is interesting, as is the introduction of the seemingly Hulk-like saviour in the titular character. Gorgeous artwork throughout.

| Published by Image

Green Lantern #7 is a standout issue in an already astounding run, as Hal Jordan and a friend he finds in Pengowirr try to escape from Hal’s dying power ring. Great twists and turns throughout from Grant Morrison, Liam Sharp, and Tom Orzechowski. The layouts for many of the pages, playing with the shape of the Green Lantern symbol are very impressive.

| Published by DC Comics

Harley Quinn #61 is the first of this series I’ve picked up, due to Otto Schmidt taking over regular art duties, and I quite like this. This is the first part of “Role Players” from Sam Humphries, Schmidt, and Dave Sharpe, porting Quinn off to an alternate realm steeped in Dungeons & Dragons fantasy tropes. It’s pretty entertaining, with great art from Schmidt.

| Published by DC Comics

Hashtag: Danger #1 is another entertaining addition to the second wave of Ahoy’s comics, with Tom Peyer and Chris Giarrusso’s humorous take on the Challengers of the Unknown formula graduated from back-up to series. It’s rounded out with the usual back-up strip, text piece, and prose.

| Published by Ahoy

Justice League #23 has one hell of a gut punch for an ending (granted, it’s a little undercut by the DC’s Year of the Villain Special, but how could we expect something like that to remain anyway?). Absolutely stunning artwork from Jorge Jimenez and Alejandro Sánchez who only seem to outdo themselves with each subsequent issue.

| Published by DC Comics

Marvel Team-Up #2 continues the team-up between Ms. Marvel and Spider-Man in this Freaky Friday take from Eve L. Ewing, Joey Vasquez, Felipe Sobreiro, and Clayton Cowles. Interesting exploration of Peter and Kamala as they navigate aspects of each other’s lives.

| Published by Marvel

Meet the Skrulls #4 unveils what was a the heart of Project Blossom as fractures continue to develop between the Warner family. Great twists and turns from Robbie Thompson, Niko Henrichon, Laurent Grossat, and Travis Lanham as the series winds up for its conclusion.

| Published by Marvel

Nobody is in Control #1 features some very dense storytelling from Patrick Kindlon, Paul Tucker, and Wallace Ryan in this debut issue that goes down a rabbit hole of conspiracy theories and seemingly random information. It reminds me a bit of the structure of Steve Seagle and Kelley Jones’ Crusades from Vertigo ages ago, but with a more likeable protagonist and a decidedly different narrative.  

| Published by Black Mask

The Punisher #11 is the explosive conclusion to “War in Bagalia” from Matthew Rosenberg, Szymon Kudranski, Antonio Fabela, and Cory Petit. When I say “conclusion”, though, I only mean it’s the end of the arc, it doesn’t really conclude anything with Jigsaw or Zemo. Great art from Kudranski and Fabela.

| Published by Marvel

Red Sonja #4 delves a bit more into Sonja’s past and training, seeding something interesting, while the first assault after being resupplied takes place. Mark Russell, Mirko Colak, Bob Q, Dearbhla Kelly, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou are continuing to tell an engrossing, thought-provoking story with this series.

| Published by Dynamite

Savage Avengers #1 is a good debut from Gerry Duggan, Mike Deodato Jr., Frank Martin, and Travis Lanham. It spins out of Avengers: No Road Home, but only inasmuch as depositing Conan in the Savage Land. We’re getting a bit of a gathering of the team here as an ancient cult tries to summon a bloodthirsty deity from a planet past Pluto.

| Published by Marvel

The Six Million Dollar Man #3 is another hilarious issue from Christopher Hastings, David Hahn, Roshan Kurichiyanil, and Ariana Maher. The comedy of errors increases as Steve tries to recharge himself through acting as a lightning rod. Just wonderful stuff.

| Published by Dynamite

Spider-Gwen: Ghost Spider #8 sees Seanan McGuire continue to absolutely nail the character development and interpersonal interactions between the characters in a compelling and intriguing way that hooks you well on their drama, even amidst all of the action, mystery, and excitement. Also, the art from Takeshi Miyazawa and Ian Herring remains incredible.

| Published by Marvel

Star Wars: Age of Rebellion - Han Solo #1 gives us a sweet smuggling run set between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back as Han and Chewie are still carving out what their place happens to be in this world, from Greg Pak, Chris Sprouse, Karl Story, Tamra Bonvillain, and Travis Lanham.

| Published by Marvel

Transformers #4 maintains the slowburn for this story arc, delivering a bit more information, a Cyclonus that might be insane, and Brainstorm’s funeral. Also, I’d swear that the story is hinting that the newly forged Transformer is the murderer, but that may just be me putting together dots that don’t actually align. It’s really nice to see art here from Sara Pitre-Durocher and Andrew Griffith as they join Angel Hernandez this issue.

| Published by IDW

Volition #5 throws a boatload of betrayals and twists at us as Amber and Hale continue to try to track down their creator...and her dog. Ryan Parrott, Marco Itri, Leonardo Paciarotti, and Marshall Dillon are very nicely raising the tension levels in this issue.

| Published by AfterShock

The War of the Realms #3 sees Jason Aaron, Russell Dauterman, Matthew Wilson, and Joe Sabino continue to juggle the massive amount of characters and threads going into this event (even if some of the tie-in mini-series don’t seem to line up with the main event book itself). Gorgeous art from Dauterman and Wilson.

| Published by Marvel

The War of the Realms: Strikeforce - The Dark Elf Realm #1 is a one shot from Bryan Hill, Leinil Francis Yu, Gerry Alanguilan, Matt Hollingsworth, and Joe Sabino further exploring the team of Freyja, the Punisher, She-Hulk, Blade, and Ghost Rider before they ride off to Svartalfheim in War of the Realms #3. Some interesting character explorations and the nightmare of thousands of fluffy kittens.

| Published by Marvel

Young Justice #5 is huge, potentially exponentially huge, as it seems to pull at the fraying threads of the New 52 and Rebirth to hearken back to the pre-Flashpoint DCU. Brian Michael Bendis, John Timms, Kris Anka, Doc Shaner, Gabe Eltaeb, and Wes Abbott may be playing with fire but it’s a very welcome warmth. Bring marshmallows.

| Published by DC Comics / Wonder Comics

Other Highlights: Amazing Spider-Man #20.HU, Battlestar Galactica: Twilight Command #2, Beasts of Burden: The Presence of Others #1, Black AF: Devil’s Dye #3, Devil Within #4, The Dreaming #9, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark #5, Female Furies #4, From Hell: Master Edition #5, Goosebumps: Horrors of the Witch House #1, Grumble #6, Hillbilly: Red-Eyed Witchery From Beyond #4, Jim Henson’s Beneath the Dark Crystal #9, Marvel Action: Avengers #4, Marvel Action: Spider-Man #3, Outcast #41, Paper Girls #28, Self/Made #6, Star Wars #65, Star Wars Adventures: Flight of the Falcon, TMNT: Urban Legends #12, Under the Moon: A Catwoman Tale

Recommended Collections: Aliens: Dust to Dust, Amazing Spider-Man - Volume 3, Art of War of the Realms, Bloodborne - Volume 2: Healing Thirst, Bone Parish - Volume 1, Doctor Strange - Volume 2: Remittance, GI Joe: A Real American Hero - Silent Option, House Amok - Volume 1, Killmonger, Man Without Fear, Midas, Mighty Morphin Power Rangers - Volume 8, Olivia Twist: Honor Among Thieves, Princeless - Volume 7: Find Yourself, The Quantum Age, The Silencer - Volume 2: Helliday Road, Star Trek: The Next Generation - Terra Incognita, Stranger Things - Volume 1: The Other Side, Takio, TMNT - Volume 21: Battle Lines, Wonder Woman & Justice League Dark: Witching Hour, The Wrong Earth - Volume 1

d. emerson eddy would like to remind you that it’s Free Comic Book Day. Get out there and free some comics from the shackles of oppression. May the fourth be with you.

#This Week in Comics

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” 1/9-1/10  “Tonight Shows and Bro Re Nata”

Sweet baby lord had two hot ones last night at two dope shows. Had a super fun night of standup at two of my favorite mics! 

After work I headed over to Short Pump Town Center to get to The Funny Bone for the open mic hosted by Liz Carr. I was there super early so I decided to do a little shopping first. I picked up a new jacket at H&M. It’s a big puffy red, white, and blue jacket that has a real 90s ski movie vibe to it. I throw it on and then head to the candy shop right across from me. Where I proceed to spend 8 dollars on taffy because I am a toddler.

I do some writing in my car and head up to the club. When I get there comedian Brett Leake (5 Tonight Show appearances) is coming in the door. Brett is a comedian living with muscular dystrophy so he is not out at shows as often as he’d probably like.  So it is always a treat to see and talk to him.

After Brett and I get signed up we have an absolutely wonderful conversation about comedy. I get to ask him questions about his Tonight Show appearances. He walked me through the entire process the first time he was selected, and everything that went into that set. 

We then discussed the differences between comedy then and now. How when he started there was no real comedy about identity. Everybody just wanted jokes in the club and they wanted you to steer away from certain topics. He said that he wouldn’t talk about his MD too much on his first Tonight Show because they didn't want him to talk about it too much. Which is in stark contrast to comedy today. I really wish I had recorded this conversation because it was an invaluable discussion about standup. 

Times like this are why I’m glad to be a comic. He talked to me like a peer and a friend and that was really special. If you ever have a chance to talk to Brett or see him live go do it. He now does a mix of comedy and motivational speaking and he is always fun to watch.  Here is one of his appearances on morning radio.

We do the comics meeting and I notice there is a lot of newer comics here. I think other than Liz, Brett, Richard Woody and I no one on the list have been doing comedy longer than a year. I am also interested how shows like this are going to go. We then get the show rolling. Brett opens the show up and has a fine set. He is working out some material about numbers and some questions he has about a couple different religions. 

We then get into a string of newer comics. I can’t really remember anything too much about many of them. There are a few who have taken Patrick Buhse’s class (and it’s always exciting to see these people out at mics actually continuing to do standup). 

The show is going pretty well. Mu Cuzzo goes up right before me and he’s dressed up like he’s about to give a sermon. He has a hot set, and then it is my turn. I feel super good about my set. I worked on my new joke about witches and then riffed an idea about Trump not being the worst president. It got a laugh as well. I had a pretty good set and I’d give it a B-.

Rick went up later that night and ended up doing ok. He was doing new stuff, and people had left. He couldn’t really connect, but it happens. He stayed in the pocket and finished the set.

I then headed over to McCormacks to do some time. I get there and find out I am third and the show is about to start. There are a few comics that I hadn’t seen in a long time, and also a lot of newer comics as well. Looked like a good crowd and they seemed to be into comedy from the start. So as long as you could deliver you would be set.

I went third and I still heard a few hot takes about R.Kelly which is always fun. Nothing like newer comics taking a hot topic and beating it into the ground. I know that I could probably get some good material by focusing on what is in the news, but it just all feels so hacky right away since everyone is giving their take it is a deterrent. I need to get over this because some of my best jokes are about hot topics in the news, or news stories. It is a thing I am actively working on this year to get over that. 

I go up after and have a super hot set. Everything works. I do my two brand new bits, and add a bunch of tags to a third. I got a bell ring from the bartender which was dope, and didn’t have a down moment in my set. It felt really good and one of the better sets I’ve had at McCormacks in a while. Just feels like proof that the hard work is paying off. I’d give this set an A-. After my set I grabbed my stuff and headed home. All in all not a bad night for comedy!!!

The next night was my night to host a showcase at Pro Re Nata Brewery in Crozet. JR Stoffel is the usual host of this show, but he is in Las Vegas for CES for his job. So he handed the reins over to me. I got to book a fun lineup (Rick Williams, Paige Campbell, and Richard Woody), had a guest spot (Alex Castagne) and Chris Alan headlining. 

We had a pretty good crowd actually. I think at our peak we were at about 45+. Which is a solid number for a freezing cold day in Crozet. This show is continuing to grow and bring in business. JR has done a great job building the room. 

I went up first and had a pretty good set. I did new jokes and some light crowd work. I basically just wrangled the crowd for 10 minutes and get them in the mood. A fine hosting set, but I didn’t kill. I”d give this set a C+.

After me was Alex. He did pretty well. He had some lulls and he wasn’t happy with his set, but from the outside looking in he held his own and had some jokes get some pretty big laughs. 

Then Rick went up. He had a good set too. Most of his material worked and he actually got an applause break for a joke he has about kickball. He didn’t close crazy strong, but people definitely dug his set.

Richard Woody followed him with one of the strongest sets of the night. From beginning to end everything he did was working. He got some huge laughs and held crowd control for the duration. He did some material which included him reading his online dating interactions, and it did super well to close.

Paige Campbell had an uneven set. He’d hit really hard and then not get much. Which honestly seemed to be the theme for the entire night. Everybody would lose the crowd a little bit and then just get them back. They were enjoying the whole show but it was almost impossible to build momentum to really make them crack. No one did poorly, everyone did well and got laughs, but you felt like you could lose them at any second.

Lastly Chris went up and did 45 minutes. He was in his own head about it and didn’t seem to be enjoying his self. He was working out a lot of new material during this 45 minutes, and I was super impressed that he stuck with it even when it wouldn’t go anywhere. Then he would follow the lulls with a killer joke that would destroy. The audience could tell he wasn’t feeling it 100% but they stuck with him. I thought he had a good set, and a lot of his new material is super funny and is only going to get better. It was a solid ending to a super fun show. Chris is crazy critical of his self, and that’s what makes him a great comic. 

After the show people came up and were super supportive and said they’d be back for the future ones. I think JR’s room is slowly turning into one of the better comedy rooms in the area and I can’t wait to see what he does with it next. 

WHAT A HOT TWO DAY STRETCH FOR COMEDY! I will be at Cozzys tonight and tomorrow at 8! And Sunday at 8 I’ll be closing out the show at Hof Garden at 7. So come one and all. I love you laydees xoxoxo sugar!

#pro re nata #crozet #charlottesville #richmond #standup #jokes #funny bone #comedy club #trump #hilarious #improv #comedy

[cyrelia-j]

[Fic] Inside a Dream IV (Garak/Bashir)

Wanted to get a bit more dramatic with this but try and keep a bit of quicker pacing. Julian and Jack are such literature nerds.

Past Parts are Here:

Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3

Still AU but not really an AU set at the end of everything show/books. Angst, Drama, Romance, falling in love [again maybe] but lots of angst and bittersweetness to be had, 

After Sarina's death and Julian's coma, Julian dreams. With the aid of a device provided by the other augments, Garak is able to bring that world to life. And then Jack shows up in the flesh, wanting "his" Julian back. Garak is forced to confront the truths he didn't want to face and decide if he's going to fight for him.

Brief note on other pairings: You can read Kelim into this (especially from the first 2 chapters- no decisions made on whether that avenue will be pursued) ALSO, past Julian/Jack Pack (Jack, Lauren, Sarina, Patrick in some form or another but nothing explicit) in this chapter more explicit Julian/Jack but I would still hold it to be in the past and garahir is the end game.

If I could be with you tonight

I would sing you to sleep

Never let them take the light behind your eyes

The killswitch… Garak sits outside in the garden watching the night blooms of the evening primrose. The seeds were a gift from Julian years ago. Julian had said that he was aware of the potential problems in introducing foreign species to a new world, but he didn’t think that would be a problem. The flowers were strong. They grew through the cracks in the sidewalk of old Earth, along railways and in deserts were there was no water. They were perennial and bloomed anew year after year, hardy plants always returning with their fragrant night flowers. But they weren’t invasive, yielding to other species when in competition for resources, allowing others to grow instead, fading into the background. Garak thought in a way they were a lot like the man who’d gifted them to him.

They flourished here though, and he watched the pale orange catching the moonlight. Jack had told them about far more than just the killswitch, though that was the issue which lay at the heart of what needed to be resolved. Jack was also able to explain the strange dreamworld that Julian’s mind was trapped in. It was an old place on Earth which no longer existed after the Third World War. It was genetic memory, Jack had said, but not Julian’s. It was Jack’s and Garak wasn’t sure that he particularly cared to hear any more on the how and the why of that. It was quite clear from the way that Jack spoke to him, from the way he stomped up and down the room demanding that they hurry up and “fix” his Julian what they were and might possibly still be to each other. As far as Garak was concerned Jack should have been the one to retrieve him then.

Why should Garak be the one to spend two years staring into the ashen face of a corpse? Clearly Julian has no shortage of paramours spanning the Alpha Quadrant who could come for the body as it were. It gives Garak some flash of memory of a state funeral he had attended once for a prominent legate. After the family was called to send off the beloved old bastard no less than three separate groups stepped forward unbeknownst to the other. Not only had it been a fiasco which Garak admittedly relished, it was an awful stain on the reputation of the Records Bureau. Had Garak known that he would be the one called in to waste his valuable skills on scaring a bunch of bureaucrats he wouldn’t have been nearly as amused as he was.

You already know the reason that it had to be you, Elim, his mind traitorously supplies. From Jack’s account, the three of them had nearly died themselves. In Jack’s case, it was only the shock of pulling his own eye out that severed the break that was going on in his mind. He was sure that Jack had been telling the truth when he said somewhat evasively that it was only a similar shock to the others that pulled them through though he refused to elaborate. By their absence, Garak imagines the price to have likely been much higher. Still, that doesn’t mean that he has to like it. The process was already taking its toll on him prior to Jack’s arrival and the revelation that Garak’s place here is merely as some hired necromancer to revive a Guls damned corpse so a crazy augment gets his lover back…

Not for the first time this evening, Garak is seriously contemplating dumping the lot of them. He has responsibilities here. He should already be in bed for the meetings he knows he’ll have to deal with tomorrow. The Castellan of the Cardassian Union hardly has the ability to stay up all night for one comatose human… especially a human who made it quite clear that their lives were off in two parallel directions never to intersect in such a fashion. But then Garak keeps coming back to the whys of Jack giving him the device. Once he was well there was no reason Jack couldn’t have come for Julian then. No, Jack was quite emphatic that Garak was the one meant to revive him, but the more he spoke, the more obvious it was that one still grasped sanity by a precious thread. Still, by all accounts, between the three augments there’s no reason that they couldn’t work out the science themselves.

And that’s when Garak shuts his eyes and has a waking dream of Julian’s mouth nearly meeting his in that terribly human action before stopping, before those eyes had looked at him with that pitiful apology. Nothing makes sense. None of it and he was painfully honest with Parmak. He can’t do this anymore. Whatever stupid game this is, he can’t be a part of it. Garak frowns. As the wind blows the delicate primrose shakes with it. He isn’t yours, Elim. He never was. Whatever you dreamed between the two of you on the station however many decades ago it was now, that’s all that it was. You might as well chalk it up to the delusions of a mind at rest, of a lonely consciousness desperate for something to cling to in your solitude. These flowers are the only tangible blossoms to bloom from your foolish fantasies.

Garak reaches out to pluck one then pauses. He was going to place it beside Julian’s bedside but it’s a sentiment that he still finds beneath him. You’re pathetic, Elim. Courting the unconscious body of another’s lover, and in such an overwrought human way at that; you’ve grown too soft. He walks towards the back door then stop himself, sensing someone coming. It’s an irrational action, he tells himself. This is his house after all, and he’s hardly the ex spy skulking around a repurposed space station. Nonetheless, Garak slips back into the shadows behind the stone wall next to the house. Julian had said to him once that Garak was the only one truly capable of approaching him undetected. Garak thought little of such an observation at the time. He was trained to be silent, to leave no footprint. It wasn’t until the truth of Julian’s augmented status came to light that Garak realized just what an accomplishment it was at that.

It would seem that Jack cannot sense him either as he walks out looking down at something in the palm of his hand. Garak’s left eye catches a flash of silver as Jack walks to that wooden bench. He stops, listening likely even for a breath. But Garak leaves none in the night air loud with the sound of rushing wind and insects making their chirruping mating calls. He remains ensconced in the darkness though he doesn’t doubt that were Jack to know to search for him, that single augmented eye would still easily seek him out from the shadows. But Jack doesn’t know to look for him and Jack seems to be unusually occupied as he does something with the device that nearly causes Garak to give himself away when he starts in surprise.

It’s Julian standing there. Not the Julian from the dream world, lost and confused, but a Julian that appears more the old Starfleet officer that Garak once knew.

Julian has that same exasperated expression that he used to wear when Garak would say something especially outlandish. That’s not what catches Garak’s attention the most prominently, however. No, what stands out the most is the matter of Julian’s age. He appears much as he had when they parted ways on Deep Space Nine. Garak isn’t quite sure it is then what he’s actually witnessing. Some sort of toy? A recording? Fortunately for him, that little slip goes unnoticed because Jack’s attention is solely fixated on the figure in front of him like he’s looking at one of the electromagnet specters that humans call “ghosts”. He appears solid, however, much like the Julian from the mobile projections into the room. But if he’s a mobile projection then why doesn’t he appear as his actual age? Ah, vanity, doctor, do you still see yourself as that young man?..

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Jack,” Garak hears Julian say, bound in a fast embrace as that sentence is muffled into Jack’s shoulder. Garak watches the arms come up, come back, a few moments of breathing and he’s cursing himself for his inability to let things lie. Whatever this is, he doesn’t particularly want to witness it.

“I can and I will and that just goes to show you who the better augment is since you gave up, rolled over, played dead and I… I’m not gonna let you do that hm.”

“Jack-”

“The lizard, the lizard man, that’s the prince, right? Should’ve been a frog but you always liked to mix your myths so… So that’s the key, that’s what you want right? That’s the bait, that’s the little bell to bring the cat out from under the couch, isn’t it hm?” There’s a strange pause to that moment, as Jack once more returns to the matter of Garak’s alleged unique ability to pull Julian from whatever mental trauma he’s suffered.

“Please tell me that you didn’t leave Mrs. Norris by herself,” Julian says looking at him concerned, taking a step back. Jack huffs indignantly.

“Lauren has it. The hellbeast likes her better but you knew that when you got her. You knew she didn’t like me, knew she liked to scratch at my pants, disappeared to two eyes looking looking what if I…” Jack had taken a few steps moving in a circle like some strange old timepiece Julian had shown him a picture of once. He called it a cuckoo clock explaining that they were a popular conversation piece (curious term, Garak had always thought) and that the mechanisms would prompt the little figures on the hour to pop out of a little door and spin around with a chime or some other indicator sound. He never quite understood the visual until now that Jack walks almost manically like a little bit of that timepiece from an old wooden machine.

“That’s it! Should’ve thought of it earlier... The cat’s the key… no, the play’s the thing and you’re playing with me, Mercutio!”

“Jack,” Julian says softly, Jack stopping upright at the soft call of his name. Julian takes his hand, the intimate gesture rather turning Garak’s stomach. It has far more meaning to him when Julian’s thumbs circle around the maniacal augment’s hands. “I’m proud of you for coming here yourself. You know I miss you-”

“But you can’t you can’t, you can and you will and you’re mine and I…” Jack takes a deep breath, the soft tap of his vibrating foot to the stone. “I can’t do it without you. We can’t do it without you and you’ve rested long enough.”

“Jack…” forehead to forehead and the wind carries the sound well enough that Garak can close his eyes. “I can’t come back to you. I don’t… I don’t even know why I’m alive right now but if this is the price for the rest of you can live I… I don’t mind sleeping awhile.”

“I reached out to you, Alice. I told you to take my hand and not fall down the damn rabbit hole.”

“Ah, but here I am,” said with that touch of self-effacing Julian humor. “Sous une lumière blafarde… Court, danse et se tord sans raison La Vie…” Garak hears a laugh, not understanding those words. Jack does. Garak can hear it when he answers.

“You don’t belong in the darkness, Julian,” he says oddly steady.

“I’m where I belong, Jack.”

“Right,” a snort. “How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail, and pour the waters of the Nile on every golden scale?”

“This isn’t about him,” Julian growls. “You know that. I told you that a long time ago when they joined the lot of us.”

“It’s always about him. Let us come to a common term, let us worship no one except our God.”

“You don’t need to blaspheme to make your point.”

“Aha! The translation is blasphemy! You said it, there, I said it was and you said it wasn’t and now you turn it on your head mmhmm devil’s advocate, Fie thou dishonest satan!”

Guls, how has Julian spent so many years with that? And Garak is sure it has to be at least that long. It was likely since the first time they met as much as Julian had gone on about how much the man exasperated him. But it wasn’t just Jack, Garak recalls, it was all of them. Section 31 had done some experimental procedure Jack had said which bound the five of them together as a failsafe. It’s how Julian has that genetic memory of Jack’s ancestors. It’s how they were able to attack all of them at once. It was a dead man’s switch as they said in human culture; an apt term that Garak has grown rather fond of. The main System is dead and they should be too but they escaped. Some perhaps more than others and Garak has heard plenty to decide that he’s done playing these games with the humans and he’s going to-

“I love you Jack,” said simply and Garak breathes in deeply thoroughly irritated at such garish human sentiment.

“You loved him first and you love him more and when he brings you back I’m going to kill him.”

“No you won’t, Jack.”

“You’re coming back with me, you’re coming back with me!” the stomp of a foot, some other scuffling noise. “I didn’t… I didn’t come here… all the way out here… I… you know that I wouldn’t… not alone… I wouldn’t come here alone and come back alone, from childhood’s hour I have not been as others were!”

“I know… I know, love but I… I’m tired Jack. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t have the strength for it and you and the others you don’t need me. You don’t… not like that I promise you. It’s the last of the connection still trying to force us all back together but I would never leave if I didn’t think you could handle it. Don’t you see? They’ve had us locked in that… that boxed Eden so long but I…”

“The cloud that took the form…”

“There’s no demon, Jack. I promise.”

“I wasn’t talking about me, hm... I was… I was… you say his name in your sleep and I used to think you were awake mocking me but not you, foolish virgin.”

“Jack…”

“And he is the demon bridegroom! So then let us hear the confession of an old friend in hell”

“You don’t need to keep on about him. You’re getting fixated again and you’re fixating on nonsense because he and I can never be together as I’ve told you more than once, Jack!” More stomping, more scuffling, and Garak looks to see Jack’s frantic agitated pacing before he comes to stop yelling into the sky like a man possessed. The entire conversation has deserted him and right now he doesn’t have any answers.

“Will no one rid me of this meddlesome lizard?!” Jack bellows. Julian walks up to him stopping, strangely seeming to shift to the older Julian, but not tired, not defeated, strong, standing tall.

“I won’t let you hurt him.”

“Are you going to come back from the land of the dead to stop me? Hm? Then stifle yourself!”

“Maybe I will,” Julian says with that quiet resolution that makes Garak smile in spite of himself.

“You come back and I kill him.”

“And if I don’t you kill him twice as hard,” Julian finishes with a soft laugh as if they’ve had this conversation more than once. Such morbid gallows humor, you’ve refined. I knew you had potential, my dear. “Get some sleep, Jack. Things will be better in the morning and you’ll know the right thing to do.” Ah, well that’s reassuring, Garak thinks as that seems to mean something to the two actors in the garden sharing more human nuzzling, grooming each other like two primates in the wild. Garak closes his eyes, still, silent, counting up the way he used to do in the closet when it was dark to steady himself and the walls started closing in. The darkness itself poses no threat but he’s also made use of that technique for entering that deep state where his presence blinks out.

He’s only dimly aware of the footsteps as Jack strides past murmuring softly “off with his head.” He’s only dimly aware of a lot of things really, the entire conversation neatly tilting everything upside down in his Julian world view. But first things first, he needs to get that mobile emitter away from Jack.

It’s time that Garak talks to the real Julian.

One day I'll lose this fight

As we fade in the dark

Just remember you will always burn as bright

-My Chemical Romance “The Light Inside your Eyes”

Note: Julian and Jack quote from Baudelaire “The End of the Day” from “Fleurs du Mal”, Lewis Carroll “The Crocodile”, Shakespeare “Twelfth Night”, Poe “Alone”, and Rimbaud “First Delirium” from “A Season in Hell”

(Part 5 is now HERE)

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