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#its CRUCIAL for the narrative
nevervalentines · 1 year
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and the sage always smells so pretty [read on ao3 here]
Some days, in Switzerland, Ava and Beatrice take a walk.
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The trail curves, narrows, forcing Ava to take a side step closer to Beatrice. Between them, their knuckles brush, and Beatrice doesn’t pull away like she used to.
She’s wearing one of her too-large sweaters, the kind Ava steals back at the apartment, rolling up the sleeves around her wrists, smelling like Beatrice’s cheap corner store shampoo and the detergent the two of them share.
[4.1k words of gratuitous wildflower content, light straddling and mud wrestling the way god intended: nun on nun]
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astral-schools · 6 months
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bro that really haunts my narrative
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soldier-poet-king · 6 months
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Mmmmm reading systems collapse and the deep persistent ache abt murderbot and ART's friendship. Btw. If u even care.
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drbtinglecannon · 2 years
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Do you ever think about how Hooty's relationships with Eda, King, and Luz all significantly improved the moment he befriended Lilith? Cuz I still think about how mean they were to him in S1 vs how important to the family he is now at the end of S2
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byler-alarmist · 9 months
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I know one of the more popular opinions on here is that S3 is the worst, but to me, rewatching it is such an eye-opening experience for many reasons.
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transprincecaspian · 1 year
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Mahanon Tabris Meta Post
This is going to be a long one, boys. Read more under the cut. tw: brief discussion of SA
Gender and Gendered Violence
For Mahanon Tabris, the journey he undertakes in Dragon Age: Origins is one that is centered around his gender, and gendered violence. Despite the Andrastian faith being the prevailing religion across Ferelden (and Thedas as a whole), we’re still treated to the typical misogyny in-world as we can come to expect from any pseudo-medieval fantasy game released in 2009. Ranging from snide comments made about the capabilities of a fem Warden or what can be extrapolated as parallels from real-world allegory as headcanons (click here to read my headcanons about Ghilan’nain), the world of Thedas is not so different from our own in regards to subtle if enforced ideas about gender roles and norms.
Enter the City Elf origin. Regardless of whether you first played it with a masc or fem Tabris, it leaves a sick feeling in your stomach about the underbelly of nobility of Thedas and their treatment of their lessers–elves, servants, and, well, women. 
Mahanon Tabris lived most of his life in Denerim performing as a gender-conforming woman because that is what was asked of him. Although his mother Adaia indulged him in many things; the art of weaponry, whispers of a life beyond the Alienage walls, and the gift of a new name for her son once he asked for it, the narrative demands that Adaia dies. The wife dies, the mother dies, the woman dies to further the story. That is the very first thing that Mahanon Tabris learns; the woman will die. 
His father, Cyrion, asks him to put aside the notions of masculinity that his mother had humored. Not for a lack of love; in fact, it is an outpouring of Cyrion’s love, concern, and fear that drives him to make that request. Mahanon, who has learned that deviation from the norm equals death, acquiesced to the request. From there he continued to stifle everything that made him “Mahanon”--that which is now intrinsically tied to his mother, and by virtue, her death. (These themes relate to how Mahanon interacts with his Andrastian faith. I’ll discuss that in another post).
I decided not to start Mahanon’s story (Born Again in Blood) with the wedding day, and the horror that it was. Instead I started his story in the immediate wake of it; being led out of Denerim by Duncan, after he had silently witnessed his life trade hands three times. From his own, to Valendrian, to the Arl’s men, and then finally to Duncan and the Grey Wardens. Truthfully, it was hearing that Duncan had once wanted to recruit Adaia that fostered trust once they were far enough away from Denerim that he was willing to speak.
Duncan gave him that chance; let him announce his new name. On the way to Ostagar, Mahanon cut his hair. There is also an instance in which he speaks with the armorer and it appears this stranger recognizes his plight.
His lips twitched downward at the thought, but his chest bloomed with new breath. He could give any name that he wanted. He could weave any lie, any tale, any story to make it palatable on the tongue. If he was a Grey Warden now–at the least, a recruit–his life would never be the same. He remembered the name his mother gave him when his father wasn’t listening, her hands soft and warm on his cheeks. The name they shared in whispers together as she taught him how to wield a sword to defend himself. The same name Shianni muttered as he lifted her up off of the floor. “Mahanon,” he said. “My name is Mahanon Tabris.”
Fingers closed around the cold hilt and he brought it up to his neck without much of a second thought. He cut through the wet tresses just where they brushed against his collar; it would have been easier, he realized, were his hair dry, but he had already begun to cut it away now. He braced his feet in the mud and stood there, cutting, until he felt a weight fall free from his head and he could breathe freely. Left in his hands were the twenty years of his life. He would let the river take them, too.
 “I think I have something that will fit you,” he said. “Put this on underneath. Those bandages don’t do shit beneath the plate.” Mahanon looked down to see something reminiscent of a corset in his hands, though the leather strands could be more tightly bound, and it did not go as far down the torso. Confused, he looked back up at Gareth.
The smith didn’t bluster as he collected pieces of a plate set. “My daughter went off to become one of them Templars. I still see her at the Chantry sometimes. But she has a similar issue. Things can’t get in the way; I get it.” (paraphrased).
These are three experiences on the way to Ostagar alone that Mahanon is allowed to express himself the way he would prefer. There is an acknowledgment from Duncan that everything in Denerim is dead and left behind, and so he gives Mahanon that space to let it go and embrace a new life, which he eagerly grabs onto. That being said, Mahanon has just walked away from the most horrifying instance of gendered violence that one can articulate within the Dragon Age series. Reeling from that trauma, it changes how he interacts with the world.
Behind his gleaming amber eyes, Mahanon’s mind went blank. He wasn’t sure where Kallian ended and he began anymore, but all he knew is that he was a liar again; a liar wearing a beaded wedding gown. It was green once, he remembered that. Then it was red. Red, red red, and dripping with the lifesblood of men who had tried to take his own. Her own. Took Shianni’s. Took Nelaros’s. So he took theirs. Everyone whose hands had touched and stolen and dirtied. All of them. Like dogs. “I killed an arl’s son for raping my friend,” Mahanon snapped, and he took a step forward.
Finding the first of the recruits, Daveth, was a simple but stupid affair. Mahanon had stumbled upon the man harassing one of the women in King Cailan’s army. It took Mahanon planting himself firmly between them and introducing himself to give the woman a chance to run off. Not that he blamed her. Daveth introduced himself as a thief from Denerim. Not that Mahanon couldn’t tell. The accent gave away where he was from. His attitude gave away the fact that he thought he was entitled to take what he wanted even if it didn’t belong to him.
Mahanon did not sleep soundly that night. In his tent, which he erected far from the others, he remained tense. Rest did not come for him, and he did not close his eyes. Instead he curled his body around his sheathed sword, his bleary gaze locked upon the flap of his tent. A camp full of strangers. Stronger than him, faster than him, deadlier with a blade. He would be a fool to think that he could rest soundly and safely when surrounded by them.
“Come on,” the man said, forcing a smile to his face. He clapped a hand on Mahanon’s shoulder. Alistair withdrew his touch when Mahanon flinched away from the wall and his hand, scowling. Alistair’s smile turned apologetic as the pale light of the sun began to rise.
 “I am sorry,” he said to Mahanon. “I was told what occurred in Denerim. It should not have happened to your friend.” There was pity in Loghain’s gaze. Mahanon loathed pity. With that, he swept away into the tent, and Mahanon was left breathless. Reeling, he felt like the only eyes left to pull him apart were his own, as if he could step out of his own body and watched as he forgot how to breathe. He watched himself stand there as the world drowned out with the roar of blood in his ears. He didn’t need pity. Apologies. He needed them to understand. He had been the one to cradle Nelaros’s bloody corpse to his chest. He had been the one to carry Shianni out of the arl’s home as she sobbed silently into his torn sleeve. 
 Duncan found him later in the kennel with the ailing Mabari. It took him a while. The sun was up. He could only assume that he was tough to find, or maybe Duncan wanted to give him space enough to collect his composure. The dog had begun to perk up, the kennel master had told him when he had come by. Food and water had been partaken of, and so Mahanon had plopped down inside and let the dog rest her slobbery head on his lap. He wasn’t sure what brought him here of all places. Maybe it was the fact that the Mabari brought a rare feminine touch to a place where he had only been pitted against men who, unfortunately, were surpassed by dogs where tact was concerned. 
“Do you know who removed them?” Mahanon asked. He put a hand out towards Alistair’s chest to deter him from saying anything else. Jory was quaking at the sight of the woman, but Daveth’s face had smoothed into a steely regard, and there was a dark glint in his eyes that sat ill with Mahanon. Like a knife that caught moonlight through a dirty window.
That’s a lot of examples, but I wanted to lend significant insight into how Mahanon views the world around him  in the wake of his trauma. He may be a man, but he does not trust other men. He has spent too long and too wary to make the mistake of doing so, even if they do not treat him with the same regard as they would if he were still presenting as a woman. At the core of Mahanon’s masculinity, he carries with him his own violence that comes with existing as a woman–and the inherited gendered violence that he carries from his mother, and his grandmother, and so on and so forth all the way back. (Andraste ties into this as well. We will readdress this in the religious meta post).
Mahanon’s masculinity is centered around his femininity, and his outward masculine expression is another way to protect that part of him. Yes, he is trans, and has been a man from the very first breath, but he will not abandon that girlhood of his, he will not sell it out and lie abed with the men who tug and tear at women like his mother until there is nothing of them left. 
Mahanon saw the Grey Wardens as such: 
Death to his old life.
A chance to live his new life.
But the Joining was a baptism of blood, and inherently feminine. You must consume tainted blood, let it pass through you, to become Greater? It is baptism, it is birth, and it is life. It is everything that a mother does,and  it is his mother who remains the straight arrow in his mind that guides him. Mahanon’s themes and the way he grapples with his own gender is the idea of death, life, and rebirth, and everything that he has to live with. He cannot any longer deny any part of himself.
He looked down at the chalice in his hands; blood, tainted. He looked up at the statue of Andraste that peered down upon them all. He thought of her when she died a martyr. He thought of his mother, lifesblood, the breath she gave for him at birth. He thought of himself, a child, blood-red and slick from between his thighs. He parted his lips and drank deeply.
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nyxdimandis · 2 months
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with the full disclaimer that i might be missing some context or significant piece of information & am fully welcoming anyone to inform me, i feel like. it really just doesn't seem like a huge deal that one of the "poison" storyboard artists is into "dark" kink. like this really feels like a non-issue to me
#tw sa mention#<- this is the only tag im putting on here cause i dont wanna get jumped#but like. idk. i feel like this is really just coming from people who don't..... understand how kink works?#and to preface im ace im not into kink im DEFINITELY not into hard/dark kink#but like ...... noncon is a whole genre of fanfic. cnc isn't an unpopular fetish. people who are into either of those things aren't#saying they find real life instances of assault to be hot. its fiction. its a fictional fantasy that in plenty of contexts is being#projected onto exclusively fictional characters#it sits super badly with me that people say 'you shouldnt let people with these kinks work on this show/hire these people' because#the sex lives of your employees being a deciding factor in what you allow them to work on seems. hm. really fucking weird ??#and ALSO also this person was JUST a storyboarder. they literally cannot be 'glorifying' or 'romanticizing' or whatever because#they are only STORYBOARDING they do not control the actual writing direction of the issue or#how it is framed by the narrative or handled within the writing#and the writing of hazbin hotel very clearly and repeatedly says 'hey this is a really bad thing that impacts angel super negatively and#he is all but verbatim saying he hates it and it is destroying him from the inside out'#and again i AM open to being corrected on this if there's some crucial info i'm missing or whatever and i DO think#there ARE glaring issues with the treatment of the subject of sa/harassment within the show#im not even going to get into the viv drama on twitter about this because. jesus christ#but. idk. i feel like this detail gets dragged on SOOOO fucking much when there are MUCH more productive discussions we could be having#mine
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paintingformike · 1 year
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how do i completely mute mike’s monologue discourse but specifically about arguments surrounding his level of honesty while saying it
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duodusk · 2 years
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maybe this is a bad take idk im not trying to discourse with it at all but i always think its so funny when ppl try to argue for cdream's importance to the dsmp by pointing out that the server is named after him . like . ok?? hes a very important character to the story for many other reasons i dont think the fact that ccdream made the server and named it after himself has anything to do with it
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fufaitazu · 2 years
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to those not “in the know” im honestly so content with my current trio of like big brain focuses right now ive got this trio of criminally autistic transgender women from three wildly different pieces of media and i never get tired of saying the same things over and over about all three of them
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str1d3rs · 5 months
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tempted to make a story that'd cause so much discourse on this app and would probably get me doxxed if it got noticed
#i want to make “problematic” stories with shitty characters#like yes they're great for these aspects but also they're a murderer#and i want to take a character of mine and make two of them to study how people would react/treat them#my stories will probaby never get any notice but i like the idea of it causing discourse#the mc is a girl who's a fucked up burnt out people pleaser that easily gets manipulated and turns into a god against her will#i think people would find a way to find bad stuff about her like 'she didnt have to kill those guardian angels or kill that capitalist scum'#but she had to because she thought jt was the only option to and she's stuck with someone highly manipulative#and on top of it the manipulative guy is a major fucking liar who's like “yeah these guys are actually killing humans lol”#people would probably really like or hate this one character from the cult the mc kind of breaks up?#she doesnt full on destroy the cult as its existence still lingers but its still there haunting the narrative and the character#as hes constantly in some kind of hiding and terrified of any strangers as he sees everyone as some sort of threat#also i think a funny part i havent revealed to people i know is that hell does and doesn't exist at the same time because its just earth#heaven doesnt exist either#god(s) exist in the world just because they're technically just what makes up the universe/crucial things that hold up existence#but gods are really easy to kill tbh#hard to make but easy to kill#also angels are technically like fucked up lice/dandruff that tried to find a purpose and build a society#and the only way they can travel to earth is through black holes#all of this is more of background info tbh#some major themes would be about the affects of abuse/mental issues and thay family doesnt have to be blood related#also of course dog metaphors will fit some of the characters#and of course how obsession left unchecked is really unhealthy for every side sometimes#a lot of the themes are a little vent related but id rather put my soul into a story rather than make it plain and going into purity culture#edit: also most of the characters are trans and queer but not explicitly said because its not important to the story/whats going on#like yes this kid in hiding is trans and queer but he's in hiding from a cult to really think of romance or more about his gender#also i think itd be kind of silly that even through the worst living conditions that he was still given a binder and gender affirming care#considering how his life goes in there#like “your family will miss you please dont leave us my faithful daughter” “hey actually im a guy sorry” “oh okay. dont leave us my son”#they can excuse child torture and cannibalism but they draw the line at transphobia
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isaacathom · 8 months
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shaking my two ocs in the scifi story like dolls. they should kiss.
#the thing id want to do with them in a story is have some way for the “proof of relationship” to not be them kissing#just because neither of them are like. theyre not gonna do that. overwhelming emotion isnt going to provoke that#its not that they cant kiss. its that it would be a process. it would be fumbling and very adorable and probably not great#but it would be sweet which is crucial#i sorta want it to be zayvia - who is unbelievably oblivious - at some point just asking jalen point blank whats happening#like hey dude. i have to check something with you real quick. and i will accept whatever answer you give me w/o question#but you gotta answer okay. please? okay. so like. are we a thing? is there a thing going on?#and its because its gotten to the point that zayvia's had to reflect and has gone 'oh no im down bad??? HOW'#my friend in the lord you hallucinated this man coming to save you during The Time. from that moment you were FUCKED#god actually ive had an epiphany i want that to be an audience fakeout too. thatd be wild#just means the zayvia+andrea sequence comes before the jalen+petra sequence. keep em guessing#zayvia's been such a reliable character in the narrative that this lapse in credibility meeeeeans something#largely because zayvia is consistently honest. if theyre lying its omissions. its not fabrications#so zayvia fully imagining the arrival of jalen into the situation? man.#i can just imagine a cinematographer or whatever having a lot of fun with the framing and shot choice to reinforce it#and then THEY HAPPEN AGAIN! THE SECOND TIME! but its slightly different! aaaa#anyway i love these two theyre very messy. they should kiss
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pear1ridge-a · 11 months
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If i didn't know better I'd think that this shadowban is an excuse to make a couple new solo blogs
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orchidbreezefc · 1 month
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ok. years have passed and we've had some distance, so i'm finally gonna take the leap of faith that tma fandom is finally ready to hear me on this. let's talk about tannins.
161 was the first tma episode i heard on early release, and i felt the bit where martin declines wine and cites tannins was pretty obvious in its implications. cool, got it, say no more.
imagine my surprise when i was one of maybe three people i saw read between the lines there, in a fandom famous for red stringing--a fandom that immediately caught the much less obvious thread of ignition sources in the same episode. i'll spell it out: alcohol is an issue for martin.
maybe it just felt obvious because addiction is a pet issue for me--as it is for jonny, who has said everything he writes is filtered through a lens of addiction. i don't know if that's due to his own experience or a loved one's, and i won't speculate; i also don't know if martin personally struggled with drinking or just avoids it for fear he would, but alcohol would fit what we know of his family. his dad walking out and his mum spiralling into bitter wallowing and verbal abuse? i'd bet one or both of them drank, yeah.
on a basic level martin tries to decline alcohol, and that alone should have raised eyebrows given what we know of martin and, again, a fandom that dissects everything. we already knew martin "K" blackwood lied about his personal life and his family in particular, especially pre-canon, which is when this flashback took place. i was shocked that everyone took his flimsy excuse at face value with no further questions.
and the excuse is flimsy. martin turns down wine by--nervously--exclaiming tannins are "a proven headache trigger!" which sounds like trivia from a magazine cover and not the words of someone who actually has headaches--and it hasn't come up before or since. jon, confused, points out that tea, a drink martin consumes to a degree that is memetic both in- and out-of-universe, also contains tannins, and martin squawks a panicked, "what?!"
if tannins are enough of a concern for martin that he knew they're in wine and so avoids it, why didn't he know they're in his drink of choice? why does he still drink tea at the time of canon, and why doesn't he struggle with constant headaches from consuming 'a proven headache trigger' day in and day out? why, indeed, would someone avoid wine and not tea?
when sasha insists martin drink he caves and agrees to 'just a drop'. i imagine him pouring it in a plant, which admittedly he could have done if tannins really were the issue. i will say that i, for one, would be less likely to falsely agree to something that makes me physically ill than to a private issue that i'd rather not be pressed on any further. this scene also establishes martin's birthday was an ice cream party instead of the more traditional visit to a pub.
also, this scene was in the first episode of the final season, as one of three flashbacks that could have been to any pre-canon event in the archives. prime narrative real estate. not really time one would waste on establishing the important character context that martin has... headaches. which never comes up before or after, even regarding the week he spent in spiral town. but you know what is pretty crucial character background...?
it felt like a no-brainer, and yet all i saw was h/c fluff about jon attending to martin's headaches. and i hate feeling bitter about disability representation. i want folks with chronic headaches to feel seen and have fluffy escapist fantasies. i don't want to be mad about people portraying a character with a disability. but, guys? you got the wrong disability. jonny sent a clear message, and it went over fandom's head.
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theambitiouswoman · 9 months
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How to Be The ✨Main Character✨ of Your Life 👑
Being the main character of your life means taking charge of your own narrative, making intentional choices, and living authentically. This doesn't mean life will be perfect. It means you're actively participating in your journey, making choices that align with your values, and striving to live a fulfilling life.
Understand yourself. Your desires, strengths, weaknesses, and emotions. What you like and do not like. Reflect on your actions and decisions regularly.
Figure out, decide and commit to the life you want.Both short term and long term. Break these goals down into small steps.
Take action. Don't wait for things to happen; make them happen.
Every main character faces obstacles. They build you. They show you, and others, how bad you want it. Instead of avoiding challenges, face them head-on. They're opportunities for growth.
Physical, emotional, and mental well-being are crucial. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, meditation, and adequate sleep can make a huge difference. How you treat yourself is how much you do or do not love yourself.
Surround yourself with positive influences and people who uplift you. Limit exposure to negative media or toxic individuals.
The world is full of knowledge. Always be curious. Read books and take courses. Always learn.
Connect deeply with others. Genuine relationships add richness to life.
Be true to yourself. Don't live to meet others' expectations. Celebrate your uniqueness.
Regularly acknowledge and appreciate the good in your life. There is always something to be grateful for. It shifts your focus from what's lacking to what's abundant. How you look at life is what you will attract.
Find balance in work, relationships, and personal time. Create a life that is fulfilling. You are not just one aspect of your life.
Imagine yourself succeeding and achieving your goals. This positive visualization can be a powerful motivator. Live your life as if it is already done.
Life will have its ups and downs. Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and keep moving forward.
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comradekatara · 2 months
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i feel like the reason aang isn’t as adored and beloved as he should be is because he’s the protagonist but he’s also not an archetypal western classical hero. i don’t agree with the entirety of that “avatar aang: feminist icon” essay because i think the role of patriarchy and gender in atla is more complex than what that essay posits, but he definitely complicates the masculine ideal of heroism and generally does not conform to patriarchal notions of masculinity. which is very deliberate, especially as contrasted with sokka and zuko’s explicit struggles with the imperialist/colonial standards of an aggressive, militaristic, and chauvinistic masculinity. aang is subversive because he represents an absence of war in a world ravaged by it. through his link to a (somewhat more) peaceful and harmonious past, he represents a better possible future. as katara would say, he brings people hope.
but people don’t like that he’s not visibly edgy or tormented like zuko is (even though he’s a far more tragic character than zuko is, just fyi), that he isn’t “cool” (even though he’s literally the coolest kid ever, just fyi), that he “gets the girl” (even though if anything, she gets him) despite being twelve and bald and nice (the horror!). katara is the more classical hero of the narrative, as its narrator and its catalyst, the adventurous revolutionary who gradually learns to control and use her powers and eventually becoming a force to be reckoned with. zuko is the classical anti-hero of the narrative, his “redemption arc” constantly hailed as one of the greatest character arcs in television. so people expect katara and zuko, as very obvious narrative foils who parallel each other every step of the way, to be the obvious couple, because based on every romance narrative we’ve been inundated with throughout our lives, within our patriarchal society, they “just make sense together.”
but as much as katara is a protagonist in her own right, aang is the show. the title quite literally represents the central thematic tension of the entire narrative, the colon illustrating the implicit divide between his duties to this brave new world in desperate need of justice and balance, or his duties to his extirpated culture as the last true voice among them. aang is the central figure because this tension represents the crucial ideological battle happening across the entire show. aang is the avatar because he is the only person in the entire world whose values have not been shaped by war.
people constantly laud zuko, in particular, for being the most interesting, complex character in avatar. but i personally don’t even think that’s true. which isn’t to say that zuko isn’t fascinating in his own right, of course, but rather that he’s certainly not the only complex character this show has to offer. he just happens to monologue about his anguish constantly. but aang wasn’t raised as an imperial prince, and so he approaches the world, and his own pain, in a very different manner. the reason he immediately goes to ride giant koi on kyoshi island, mailchutes in omashu, and otherwise goofs around after learning of the shocking ramifications of his people’s genocide is because that’s how he copes with his pain. unlike zuko, who never stops talking about his aches and yearnings, aang represses his trauma and hides his tears behind a mask of upbeat cheerful goofy twelve year old antics.
until he can’t anymore. until he snaps. both katara and zuko wear their hearts on their sleeves, and that includes their rage. but aang’s rage is dangerous specifically because it represents that he has been pushed past his limits, that the conditions of this world in which he is a perpetual stranger, temporally displaced and dispossessed, are intolerable. that peaceful reconciliation is impossible. and the fact that he persists beyond that breaking point, over and over again, to firmly and resoundingly establish his ideals even as they conflict with everything he has learned about this world, a world that is not his own even as he can never return to the world he once knew, is what makes him so unique, so powerful, so beautiful.
i know that aang isn’t the typical hero, neither narratively nor aesthetically, but really, that’s the entire point. the world, our world, needs something other than what we have now. we need someone who will not succumb to the ideals of domination and victory through violence to assert themselves. we need someone who stands firm in refusing to kill the firelord, even as everyone he knows tells him otherwise. we need someone who knows that darkness cannot be vanquished through more darkness, but can only truly yield to purifying light.
and sure, aang is a child, and often acts childishly. sure, he’s not conventionally handsome and alluring. but one thing i will never understand is how that somehow negates his appeal to the masses. because even if you don’t appreciate how crucial he is to the themes of this narrative you all seem to love so much, how can you not love his adorable little face? his precious little laugh, his zest for life, the infinite well of love and kindness he holds in his heart? people who hate aang are crazy to me. because you are, quite literally, hating the world’s most precious baby boy.
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