Tumgik
#it's not about non-related people forging a bond as close as blood-related bonds can be anymore
saccharinerose · 26 days
Text
"Neuvillette is a parental figure to Furina" is such a stupid fucking argument bc literally nothing about their relationship is exclusively and explicitly parental, especially not with Neuvillette in the role of the parent, and if you still peddle that shit in 2024 I'm manifesting wasps in your house.
He cares about her and is older (potentially, depending on how you count Furina's age) and he pays her pension post-4.2 but Neuvillette didn't raise her, he didn't provide her guidance on anything, didn't teach her things she needs to know in life and he's not her caretaker!
If anything, it would have been the other way around when Neuvillette first arrived in Fontaine. Furina would have been the one teaching him shit like Fontainian customs, etiquette and law.
But she's short and energetic and he's tall and quiet so they're forced to fit into the father-daughter boxes no matter what
137 notes · View notes
alinaastarkov · 4 years
Note
Are there any specific Jonrya Quotes that doesn't mean sibling love? If so which ones?
Yes! Loads! Thanks for this ask.
She [Ygritte] is no older than I am. Something about her made him think of Arya, though they looked nothing at all alike. "Will you yield?" he asked, giving the dirk a half turn. And if she doesn't? - Jon VI ACOK
I don’t know about you guys, but it’s not often I’m romantically attracted to someone who immediately reminds me of my sibling. But hey, maybe that’s just me.
Ygritte watched and said nothing. She was older than he'd thought at first, Jon realized; maybe as old as twenty, but short for her age, bandy-legged, with a round face, small hands, and a pug nose. Her shaggy mop of red hair stuck out in all directions. She looked plump as she crouched there, but most of that was layers of fur and wool and leather. Underneath all that she could be as skinny as Arya. - Jon VI ACOK
Once again, I tend not to imagine my (future) romantic partner’s naked body and think of my sibling. I’m starting to sense a pattern 🤔
"NO!" Arya and Gendry both said, at the exact same instant. Hot Pie quailed a little. Arya gave Gendry a sideways look. He said it with me, like Jon used to do, back in Winterfell. She missed Jon Snow the most of all her brothers. - Arya I ASOS
Even Arya is comparing her (future potential) love interest to Jon. It’s an epidemic!
She reminded him a little of his sister Arya, though Arya was younger and probably skinnier. It was hard to tell how plump or thin Ygritte might be, with all the furs and skins she wore. - Jon II ASOS
Yet another instance of Jon thinking of Ygritte’s body beneath her clothes and thinking of Arya. Hmm, suspicious 👀
"If you kill a man, and never mean t', he's just as dead," Ygritte said stubbornly. Jon had never met anyone so stubborn, except maybe for his little sister Arya. Is she still my sister? he wondered. Was she ever? - Jon III ASOS
Kind of strange to question his relationship to Arya, especially after all of those inappropriate thoughts regarding Ygritte. And to question only Arya? Seems like someone really wishes they weren’t blood related so it wouldn’t feel wrong to think of her that way...
"It wasn't Longspear, then?" Jon was relieved. He liked Longspear, with his homely face and friendly ways. She punched him. "That's vile. Would you bed your sister?" "Longspear's not your brother." - Jon III ASOS
Real smooth, Jon. Real smooth. Notice how he totally dodges the question? How we never get an answer on if he would bed his sister? Perhaps because the answer is yes?? Notice how this sounds a lot like it might tie in to “their passion will continue to torment them until the secret of Jon’s parentage is revealed in the last book”? Very suspicious.
"He's with the Night's Watch on the Wall." Maybe I should go to the Wall instead of Riverrun. Jon wouldn't care who I killed or whether I brushed my hair . . . "Jon looks like me, even though he's bastard-born. He used to muss my hair and call me 'little sister.'" Arya missed Jon most of all. Just saying his name made her sad. - Arya VIII ASOS
“I know where we could go," Arya said. She still had one brother left. Jon will want me, even if no one else does. He'll call me "little sister" and muss my hair. - Arya XII ASOS
Maybe not explicitly romantic per se, but it is telling that she genuinely believes her own mother and brother would not want her for superficial reasons and because of the people she killed in self-defense, but her belief in Jon doesn’t waver for a single second.
Jon has a mother. Wylla, her name is Wylla. She would need to remember so she could tell him, the next time she saw him. She wondered if he would still call her "little sister." I'm not so little anymore. He'd have to call me something else. - Arya VIII ASOS
Arya’s questioning her relationship with him too?! To distance herself from him and subconsciously make it easier to deal with romantic feelings in the future?! Will it ever end?!
"It's just a sword," she said, aloud this time . . . . . . but it wasn't.  Needle was Robb and Bran and Rickon, her mother and her father, even Sansa. Needle was Winterfell's grey walls, and the laughter of its people. Needle was the summer snows, Old Nan's stories, the heart tree with its red leaves and scary face, the warm earthy smell of the glass gardens, the sound of the north wind rattling the shutters of her room. Needle was Jon Snow's smile. He used to mess my hair and call me "little sister," she remembered, and suddenly there were tears in her eyes. - Arya II AFFC
This is so sweet and the specificity of his smile over the more general descriptions of the rest of her family mark it out as different in some way.
She had never cared if she was pretty, even when she was stupid Arya Stark. Only her father had ever called her that. Him, and Jon Snow, sometimes. Her mother used to say she could be pretty if she would just wash and brush her hair and take more care with her dress, the way her sister did. To her sister and sister's friends and all the rest, she had just been Arya Horseface. But they were all dead now, even Arya, everyone but her half-brother, Jon. Some nights she heard talk of him, in the taverns and brothels of the Ragman's Harbor. The Black Bastard of the Wall, one man had called him. Even Jon would never know Blind Beth, I bet. That made her sad. - The Blind Girl ADWD
Arya loves Jon so much she wishes he could meet her alter-egos too. Ugh, the romantic angst is too much.
"He's to marry Arya Stark. My little sister." Jon could almost see her in that moment, long-faced and gawky, all knobby knees and sharp elbows, with her dirty face and tangled hair. They would wash the one and comb the other, he did not doubt, but he could not imagine Arya in a wedding gown, nor Ramsay Bolton's bed. No matter how afraid she is, she will not show it. If he tries to lay a hand on her, she'll fight him. "Your sister," Iron Emmett said, "how old is …" By now she'd be eleven, Jon thought. Still a child. "I have no sister. Only brothers. Only you." Lady Catelyn would have rejoiced to hear those words, he knew. That did not make them easier to say. His fingers closed around the parchment. Would that they could crush Ramsay Bolton's throat as easily. - Jon VI ADWD
Once again, Jon thinks of Arya in a way that a brother really shouldn’t think of a sister. Funny how he specifically says “Ramsay Bolton’s bed”, and not just any man’s bed? Maybe because he can imagine her in someone’s (his)? Either way, weird thing to think about, Jon. And a very violent reaction to your sister’s marriage. Way more than his reaction to another sister’s marriage. Definitely intense feeling that goes beyond sibling bond.
"I have no sister." The words were knives. What do you know of my heart, priestess? What do you know of my sister? Melisandre seemed amused. "What is her name, this little sister that you do not have?" "Arya." His voice was hoarse. "My half-sister, truly …" - Jon VI ADWD
Need I say more?
Jon felt fifteen years old again. Little sister. - Jon IX ADWD
This is not so big in terms of non-sibling feelings but it is a very intense reaction and also I love Jon being such an emo little shit here cause... Jon, bby, you’re sixteen. Calm down.
The girl smiled in a way that reminded Jon so much of his little sister that it almost broke his heart. "Let him be scared of me." The snowflakes were melting on her cheeks, but her hair was wrapped in a swirl of lace that Satin had found somewhere, and the snow had begun to collect there, giving her a frosty crown. Her cheeks were flushed and red, and her eyes sparkled. "Winter's lady." Jon squeezed her hand. - Jon X ADWD
This is such a romanticised scene and the fact that it mentions Arya at the same time, and Jon’s intense feeling again, gives me pause and made me put it on this list.
It had been so long since he had last seen Arya. What would she look like now? Would he even know her? Arya Underfoot. Her face was always dirty. Would she still have that little sword he'd had Mikken forge for her? Stick them with the pointy end, he'd told her. Wisdom for her wedding night if half of what he heard of Ramsay Snow was true. Bring her home, Mance. I saved your son from Melisandre, and now I am about to save four thousand of your free folk. You owe me this one little girl. - Jon XI ADWD
Again, veeeerrry intense feelings, the mention of her wedding night again, and the fact that he once more questions his relationship with her. It’s too repetitive and obvious not to mean something.
You know nothing, Jon Snow. He thought of Arya, her hair as tangled as a bird's nest. I made him a warm cloak from the skins of the six whores who came with him to Winterfell … I want my bride back … I want my bride back … I want my bride back … "I think we had best change the plan," Jon Snow said. - Jon XIII ADWD
So, Jon thinks of his former lover and Arya right after, repeats the phrase “I want my bride back” specifically in reference to Arya, and imo “bride” is not what you call someone you have only platonic/ familial feelings for. That would be very weird. Then he abandons all his vows, something he had the opportunity to do and didn’t at least 3 separate times, for and only for Arya, and if that ain’t just the most romantic shit you ever heard. And then of course he literally dies with her as his last thought. Romantic. As. Fuck!
There is more than this, but you asked for things that don’t also mean sibling love, so here you go! 🤗
100 notes · View notes
lostsoulaltair · 4 years
Text
OnS Theories (8S). Second Theory - Nonhuman yet owning a beautiful human heart
Hello everyone! We’re getting closer to the date of release but before that, I’d like to share some thoughts I’ve come across different people, the story itself and so on.
First, if any of the readers have felt insulted or anything, I apologize, it is not my intention to offend you by any means; but I’d like to know what you think guys, I’ve had fun writting down the theories and I’m forever thankful that you read them so, please, don’t hesitate to share your views, thoughts about the story and more.
Let’s begin!
To start off with this theory, many have come to a resolution that many cast members within the story are not human at all, the case goes for Yu, Guren, Mika, Shinoa, Mahiru, etc.; of course, all of them had relation with certain experiments or even the way they were born but for now, let’s focus on those who are no longer labeled as humans. 
What makes someone human?
First, if many recall, the song X.U, main theme of OnS stated that pain was part of being human but funny enough, every single member within the story have endured hardships, they’ve fought until they couldn’t keep going, which means their emotions faded away through time; but yet, their hearts that become cold still give warm towards those around them and the fact that others care deeply for them is a sign they’ve left a scar/a mark within the others in the story; therefore there are some exceptions of non humans such as:
Yuichiro Hyakuya, Mikaela Hyakuya, Shinoa Hiragi, Krul Tepes, Guren Ichinose and Ashera Tepes.
That being said, let’s start with each of these characters:
Yuichiro Hyakuya/Yuichiro Amane
So far, we’ve known that Yu was created millenials ago and until the current era, a new Yu was born, whenever he was born by natural ways or experiments it is unclear, and yes, many will state that he might have been created the same way but, the sole difference between the previous clones and the current ones, is the fact that the current Yu developed a soul, developed feelings of attachment, developed a warm heart, he is selfless, he doesn’t mind helping others, he doesn’t mind being used if the cause is for a greater good; the point he reaches can be scary and mainly because Mika, his last member of the Hyakuya orphanage left worries that Yu will do something reckless to the point of self sacrifice and indeed, it is not far from the truth but at the same time; he among the rest of the squad see Yu as someone wonderful, someone that even that gave away his humanity is pretty much considered a human being.
But, what makes Yu a human? Simple, Yu has endured a harsh path, he’s being painfully used to huge causes that remain as a mystery for now but despite that, he always tries his best to live, he seeks to reach that gold end along his new family, to the point he’ll risk anything to see them happy.
The fact that he transforms into a seraph is just a representation that his will stands strong for those he loves; and love among other emotions play a role within a human heart. 
Mikaela Hyakuya/Mikaela Shindo
Mika is one of the characters that many readers love, but what makes Mika a human when he’s a vampire that is slowly losing his emotions?
First of all, we learnt throguh the story how he grew up, how he ended up at dead’s gates until Krul saved his life by turning him into a vampire despite his sole refusal of it.
After he turned into a complete vampire, we’ve seen how he slowly became methodic, careful, cold minded unless something happens towards his last family member; but still, the fact that Mika tries his best to understand Yu’s view, the fact that he hangs around Yu’s family despite how he sees human in the current time...what vampire could do that?
Current vampires don’t care about human bonds, nor care about what they think or feel yet, Mika tries his best to support his sole family and his new friends despite him not trusting them; indeed, there are reasons why Mika doesn’t trust humans but within those reasons, there’s a part of him that, to certain extend, values the fact that Yu’s friends are there with him.
Mika has been a special kid mainly for holding two traits, the Michaela trait and the seraph trait; the efforts of Rigr for bringing a new Michaela to Earth but of course, Mika can’t be that Michaela and why’s that? Mika harbors his own soul, he is no one else but him, despite being a vampire, his soul lingers within him which is why he expresses his emotions comapred to other vampires, he still values life itself despite the harsh past he had to overcome.
Shinoa Hiragi
Many will wonder what makes Shinoa human despite being possessed or more likely seeing a character so detached until meeting Yu and company, (no, this is not focused on shipping). Shinoa’s existance was of someone to be used as a vessel for the first which in fact, has been the fallen Michaela that gave blood to the vampires making them crave for it; to certain extend it is almost clear that Shinoa’s creation was not of a conventional way and this is mainly by a sole expression Noya left within chapter 85, when Shinoa called Mahiru elder sister, Noya seemed confused about it, stating that he didn’t see Shinoa as someone instead something that took a physical appearance of a human but well, what makes her human?
If the experiments within her never happened nor Mahiru died, she would have grown in a rather more confident person with vivid emotions; but due to many issues, her emotions had to be sealed in a way and this was thanks to Mahiru, she wanted to let Shinoa live her lfie without a worry of what went beyond the Hiragi family, but no one can’t escape from their duties or fate itself. We’ve seen someone that was detached to someone who cares deeply towards her squad.
The fact that she developed emotions towards others, the fact that she is willing to help those around her is a proof that her human heart is constantly evolving even if it’s little by little.
Krul Tepes and Ashera Tepes
These brothers are the cutest within the story for how close they were and yet, despite the distance that have been taken to the current time, the fact that Krul cares and tries her best to find her brother and bring him back is one of the proofs that she has a human heart despite being alive over thousand of years.
Krul can be perceived as someone who might be detached, cold, and merciless but despite that, there’s a soft side of her, she knows that among vampires, she can’t trust no one in particular specially that many of her actions have been labelled as taboo but despite that, she found solance within Mikaela; Mika has been a figure of her trust despite how she has treated him; in a way she cared for him, and that trust is well reflected on how she gives information about the decisions that would eventually lead them to war, how with just her looks can give signs to Mika remarking their bond.
In case of Ashera, that level of trust can be reflected with Yu, at the beginning Ashera behaved pretty much like other demons, trying to possess its host but with time, Ashera’s heart changed so much, it evolved to simple relation of demon and host to friends; Ashera cares deeply about Yu and that is reflected in the past and the present, their bond has been forged with trust;
Even before becoming a demon, Ashera as a vampire cared deeply about Yu’s well being, he didn’t mind expressing his emotions despite becoming a being whose years wouldn’t matter any longer, he tried to live through inmortality along with his sister; and the fact that the first person he recalls is his sister just gives how much meaning she left within his heart.
As a personal thought, If Ashera manages to break free from the cursed gear, I’d like to see them interact one last time before anything happens.
Guren Ichinose
Lately, he’s the character who has been most controvertial mainly for the actions he has taken towards Yu who the same one considers as family since Guren have helped Yu to stand up, to fight up for all he holds dear, but at the same time, Guren’s someone who has suffered enough, he has to keep as a remembrance the fact that his friends won’t live for long, their time is counted and the only solution for that is to resurrect the whole world.
Guren’s evolution as a character comes from someone that tried his best to not get involved with those who served the Hiragi family to the point he ended up making bonds with time, until the inevitable end came; Guren was allowed to finally cry after the end of the world came, but he knew very well that it was just the beginning of a new chaos that would eventually unfold to the current time inside of the story.
What makes Guren a human being?
His suffering? Indeed it is a part of it but the fact that makes him human is the fact that he still tries his best to save those around him even if it means going alone, even if it means breaking more and more in order to make those he treasures to keep living a little longer; he’s well aware of what Yu means to him, he knows what kind of reaction Yu would have if he were to die and he’s aware that Yu will do his best to save him in order to keep living but at the same time, he has had enough, he has fought for so long, his human heart has gotten tired but not tired in the term of giving up, he’s a fighter who has endured many hardships alone and the fact that the current chapters show him again as an antagonist it’s just a proof he’ll give Yu something which is valued as a final lesson; it will be the cruelest but he’s pouring all the hardships in order to make Yu understand what it’ll be like to face the final enemy of humanity.
What do you think guys? I want you to share your thoughts about these characters, what other things make them human for you? Who else comes to your mind!!
52 notes · View notes
beanenigma · 5 years
Text
Having nine siblings while being an only child - a writing guide to new types of families - part one
Howdy there, friends. 
Today’s topic is one that is very close to my heart and that I really want to see in fiction more often: new types of families. Of course, we see a lot of found family kind of scenarios - which I love, I can’t deny - and a lot of traditional family scenarios - mothers, fathers, sons and brothers and what does it all mean. But I hardly ever see situations like mine in fiction, in which new families are forged into the ashes of old ones and people have to find a way to live with it - at least not in a healthy way. We’re the first couple of generations born with normalized divorce (it only became legal in Brazil, for example, in 1977) and it’s starting to shape our families (in 2017, brazilian data showed that there were 11,6 million of familiar arrangements without one of the parents).
So hi. My name is Isabella. I’m 21 years old. And collectively, I have/had 9 siblings. 2 half sisters, and 7 step siblings, divided thorought 3 marriages (marriages in the wide sense of the word, two people living together with rings and children, not necessarily with papers and ceremonies). I’m also an only child on my mother’s side. 
EDIT: There’s a part two to this guide about step-parents, and you can find it HERE
It all started when I was 4 and my parents divorced. My father married my stepmother who already had two daughters (sounds familiar?). My father and this woman had a child together. Years later, my father divorced again and married another woman, this time with two sons. Once more, they had a child. And then, for a third time, years later, he divorced again and is now dating another woman who has three children.. 
As a disclaimer, it’s important to note that in my situation my parents were also very mature about their divorce. They always made it pretty clear that whatever didn’t work between them was their romantic relationship, but their relationship as being my parents would never end. Therefore, my mom always wanted me to see my dad as much as I could and my dad always wanted me to see my sisters and bond with his new family as much as I could (healthy divorce stories? Sign me up!). Just be aware that mine is not always the case - but also, my case also exists. 
Calling them what they are 
I call my sisters what they are: my sisters. Not my half-sisters. My sisters. Despite living in another house and not being there the whole time, I was there when they were born, I held them in my arms, I played with them and watched them grow. This is something I think Phineas and Ferb really nailed in the show (among so many other things): how Phineas and Ferb hardly ever refer to each other as step-siblings, or to their parents as anything other than mom and dad. 
About my step siblings, I’m always a bit torn about how to call them. I’ve resorted to calling them my siblings as well and waiting for someone to ask to tell them the whole story of the three divorces. It’s just easier. Eventually, with the time, I came to the same realization: they’re just as much my siblings as the other two are. We were united by more than flesh and blood: by shared experiences and people who loved us all very much. 
But this is for the people who actually lived with me and whose family made an effort to include me - aka my dad’s wives children. My mom, for example, also married twice and one of these stepdads had children. They were way older and had no interest in getting a new sister. They were never bad to me in any way, they just weren’t involved in this new experience. I don’t even call them my step siblings. I didn’t even call them anything. They were my stepdad’s children. That might happen too. 
If you think you need to use such terms as half and step to make it easier on your audience, fine. But I feel it diminishes the strength of the bonds that are formed and go beyond these types of names. It sounds forced, like siblings that call themselves “bro” and “sis” on dialogue non ironically. Siblings are people you share time and care about despite their faults. Call these people nothing less. And call other kinds of people nothing at all. Because that’s how it goes in real life. 
What it’s like to have half siblings and step siblings
There are many layers to what it means to have both of these things. And both are very different, even if they sound similar. 
Having half siblings feels more definitive. You’re required to perform sibling-like activities: show up at birthdays, have quality time, fight. It’s already a given that they’re your sibling no matter how you treat them. 
Having step siblings however, goes through many stages, it’s not always the same: at first, it’s a bit awkward, since neither of you know if this between your parents will last a day or ten years and what exactly will be the boundaries of this new relationship. Will we live all together? Will we share rooms? Will you like my mother? Will I like your father? Then, when you start warming up to each other, there is still a bit of awkward there. Therefore, you start to test your boundaries, apply things that you apply to your siblings to them, see what works, what they’re comfortable with. 
But the real third phase only starts when things start getting rough. When the first fights arrive is when you really get a real feel for it, for what’s your real relationship. It’s normally when the cracks in this whole divorce/marriage business start showing: who misses their other parent, who is unhappy, who wishes they could bond more. This is normally only what books, TV shows and movies show: painting children as if they’re out to get their new siblings, ignoring all of the emotional charge that involves a new marriage in the family. 
We had one of those in marriage #2: lil’ boy was 6 and loved his dad very much and antagonized my dad for a long time before accepting him. He’d throw fits and reject me and my sister at first. He’d be angry at everyone constantly. He’d fight with his own brother and try to hurt anyone who got involved, none being guilty of what happened. Until one day, there was only me and him at home - and we watched movies and we laid in the couch together and from that we became friends. All of that was a defense mechanism to get the attention he thought he would lose when his mom got a new husband and a new child. This is reality. This is being human. It’s feelings not always making sense but also being quite irresistible, specially when you’re a child. 
Sharing physical spaces
Not living with your siblings will often make you feel left out. They’ll have their own inside jokes and they’ll go out to movies without you and sometimes even go on trips you can’t or opt out of going. With half siblings, it’s easier because you share at least half of your ancestry - so half of their family is your family too and you can share this common knowledge with them. When you have step siblings, it’s harder, because you hardly know the family you just got into - your new step parent’s family - let alone the other side of your sibling’s family, that has no idea you even exist. Not to mention eventually they’ll have to attend this other side of the family’s business and there’s nothing you can do about it. 
There are also physical aspects to not living with your siblings. It really depends on how the parents choose to accommodate this situation. In my case, I went to my dad’s house for a weekend every two weeks. Still, he made sure I had a bed and wardrobe space. My first stepmom had me sharing the room with her daughter - another bed for me and half the wardrobe. My second stepmom however, would put down mattresses for us in her daughter’s room and wouldn’t have any wardrobe space for us (and then get mad when our bags would get messy). Both of these attitudes had different impacts in me and made me feel better or worse about one situation and the other. 
Living with your half and step siblings would eliminate most of these problems, putting them in parity with full siblings. You still have to share things, be together most times of day and share your parents. This can also mean you have more chances of seeing their other family and getting in contact with them. My baby sister for example adores her brothers’ father and he really likes her too, despite everything. Families are just weird like that. 
What is like not to have any siblings
For me it has always been the best of both worlds. No matter what happened at my dad’s house, I knew I would always have my mom to come back to, that I wouldn’t have to share with anyone, for who I would always be a priority. Being an only child was “the real life”, and having siblings was like a hobby, something I did on the weekends. 
As I grew older, I started missing having my siblings around more and more. I started realizing how quiet my house was and how lonely it is when you want to do something stupid with someone easily. Would I want my siblings to live with me? No. By now I grew up non accustomed to sharing and I have a hard time with people meddling in my stuff. But I do want my children to have siblings. I believe having siblings makes people better and it’s a way to ensure your children feel less lonely. 
When parents and step parents break up
Long story short, it sucks. Not only you’ll see your half siblings less than you already did before, but you’ll also have a hard time seeing your step siblings, since theoretically you don’t have a relation anymore. You’ll also have to detach yourself from a whole family who accommodated and welcomed you. 
Just this weekend, I got to see my brothers from my dad’s last marriage. The boys were so big I could hardly believe. Their cousins who use to travel with us were there too and one of them hugged me so hard I thought I was going to cry. She said what inspired me to write this guide: “so our parents fuck up and we’re the ones who have to pay for it?”.
Nothing erased all that we have lived. Nothing could have stopped us if we decided to still see each other. But we just fell apart when our parents did. I still see all of them in my sister’s birthdays, but we don’t have that spark of shared experiences anymore. I still love them and would never consider them my ex-siblings. We just don’t talk anymore. It happens. Such is life.
This is a very short guide and it could never encompass the myriad of experiences that compose new types of families. I’ll still make a part 2 to this guide, specifically about step parents, so follow me or shoot me an ask if you’d like to see that. And I’d appreciate any adition you can make with your own experiences. 
Happy writing! 
39 notes · View notes
tehlaen · 6 years
Text
Day 19: Friends As Family
Day 19 of the 30 Day Star Wars OC Challenge from @smuggler-captain that I’m doing with @lessdenied! Previous posts are tagged with #30dayswchallenge. Yay, I am back to my regular writing schedule!
This is another deviation from the questions-as-written, since Teh’s personal history doesn’t follow the canonical in-game storyline. So instead! A little bit about Teh’s feels on family, on friendship, and on feels themselves.
“What the hell does genetics have to do with family?!”
Teh’laen’s perspective on “family,” and what that word even means, is non-traditional at best. After all, the people who raised her didn’t contribute any genetic material to who she is and who she’d become. As a result of that disconnect between biology and bonding, she’s never really bothered to distinguish between equally-meaningful relationships depending on genetics. She was adopted into the Va’shuvrk family, fully and completely, and the bonds between her and her deceased parents and siblings remain a pillar of her sense of self.
As such, the idea of “adopting” people with whom she’s forged a deep, lasting connection into the web of relationships that she calls her family is and always has been a core feature of how she relates to others… Even if she doesn’t necessarily couch it in those terms.
Essix is Teh’s best friend and has been for nearly twenty years. She has, on multiple occasions, risked her life to protect him—and has instigated more fistfights than she can count in response to someone dismissing his importance to her as, “It’s only a droid.” Essix is family in Teh’laen’s mind; anyone who says differently is gonna catch these hands and possibly a stunbaton to the back of the knee. But she’d be hard-pressed to slap a label on the bond between them. “Brother” doesn’t really fit and “son” is too, well, parental. (That said, she does adore spoiling him with new upgrades given the slightest provocation.) Essix is family; why does it need to get any more specific than that?
The process of adopting someone into what she considers her family is gradual, but once Teh forms that kind of attachment to someone, she’s not shy about it. Lover, friend, protege… Whatever the nature of their relationship, Teh is open and enthusiastic about it. It may take a while for such a relationship to reach that point of trust and intimacy—after all, the sorts of people with whom Teh’s associated on a daily basis for most of her life aren’t the most trustworthy in the Galaxy—but once it does, Teh accepts it wholeheartedly.
Teh’laen’s formed more of these sorts of relationships in the very recent past—and formed them more quickly—than she used to over the span of years. Her relationship with Cassbria (”Cass”) Temar is by far the most notable attachment; Teh’s had lots of lovers and plenty of serious relationships, but the depth of her feelings for Cass is practically unprecedented, and the fact that Cass makes Teh want to look beyond the immediate future is entirely unprecedented.
There’s a notable exception to Teh’laen’s policy of not worrying over labels and distinctions: her friendship with Naga’se, a fellow Twi’lek whom Teh met almost by chance. Teh’laen’s bond with Naga’se—Naga for short—has very swiftly evolved to the point of blurring Teh’s concepts of friendship and family. The two have become sisters, in every sense that matters to either of them. Both Teh and Naga lost their sisters to tragedy at a young age, and the similarities between Teh’laen and Naga’s sister, and between Naga and Rai’laen, led to the Rutian and the Lethan becoming surrogates for the person the other had lost. Does the distinction between friend and sister matter at all to Teh’laen? Not in the slightest, at least semantically. But Teh’laen’s attachment to Naga fills the void in her life left by Rai’laen’s loss.
"Oooh, yeah, genetics, right. You know that I'm  only marginally more closely related to you than I am to a grophet, right? If we're talking about genomes and shit?" -Teh’laen to Hirani, her biological fraternal twin.
Teh’s relationship with Naga as surrogate sisters is a stark contrast to Teh’s ambivalence (occasionally veering into antipathy) regarding her recently rediscovered biological family: Gnoxis, her Sith Lord mother, and Hirani, her fraternal twin sister. Hirani—having been raised from infancy by the Jedi—is eager to make up for the family she never had, as is Gnoxis, who was deprived of the family she wanted to have. Teh’laen had a family that she lost, and presently has the family that she found, and is deeply resentful of her blood relations’ implication that an accident of birth should make them more important to Teh than the bonds she’s forged of her desire and volition.
3 notes · View notes
killthebxy-archive · 7 years
Photo
Tumblr media
          a small note before anything else: this is my only verse where by default Jon is the (bastard) son of Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark, and my only verse where i write him as king. based on the legend of Azor Ahai and the related prophecy, Jon is The Prince That Was Promised and the one to sit the Iron Throne after the Battle for the Dawn. this verse is a mix of book and show canon, and it diverges from s07 and s08 in some aspects.
please note that the next paragraph mentions animal death.
          Lightbringer was recovered after the death of Stannis Baratheon, and, in order to destroy the Night King, Jon was required to activate it according to the prophecy. an initial attempt was made by use of his own blood, as Azor Ahai once used water --- and failed. a second attempt was made by sacrificing Ghost, as Azor Ahai once used a lion --- and also failed. the third and final attempt was finally successful, but only by means of sacrificing Daenerys Targaryen (adaptable to thread) --- reenacting, therefore, the tragedy of Azor Ahai and Nissa Nissa. 
          Sansa, Bran, and Arya perished during the Battle for the Dawn (adaptable to thread), in different places and for different motives. Sansa’s death was due to Petyr Baelish’s actions, Bran’s was a requirement in order to find/ forge/ temper Lightbringer (given his greensight), and Arya’s was due to the fact she joined Jon in battle beyond the Wall --- where she sacrificed herself during Jon’s final confrontation with the Night King, in a manner similar to what happens with Qhorin Halfhand in the books.
          before the final victory, Jon died two more times. the first time occurred during the journey beyond the Wall, having to do with a mutiny. a group of soldiers, believing that battle was doomed to ruin, slit Jon’s throat during sleep in hope that might result in the troops marching back home. the second time occurred during the confrontation with the Night King himself, as he impaled Jon with an ice lance similar to the one that killed Viserion in the show (note: in this verse, none of the dragons dies). in both occasions, Jon was brought back by Melisandre, making a total of four times being killed and revived. the second death, which is a headcanon of mine that applies to this verse as well as to all my other canon verses, and the consequences of returning from the dead are explored with more detail in one of my metas: HERE. from both deaths, respectively, Jon gained a large horizontal scar over his throat (similar to Lady Stoneheart’s in the books, though he retains the ability to speak) and an even larger one on his chest and back, close to the heart.
          once the Battle for the Dawn was over, Jon gained the loyalty of Dany’s dragons --- in this verse, i am capitalizing on his warging skills that were never explored in the show but that are certain in the books. he can warg into Rhaegal only and can also only ride him, but both Viserion and Drogon accepted him as their new commander, so to speak. nevertheless, just like with Dany, they don’t always obey nor does Jon have full control over their actions. Jon eventually developed a deep bond with the dragons, and allows them to roam free wherever they will --- and always refuses to have them chained or locked up.
          given all this, once the armies of the dead were defeated and the realm was back in safety, Jon was considered by most the only logical choice to take the Iron Throne --- which was something he never wanted, but agreed to do at that point, given that he had no other purpose left in life. whereas a few years of peace ensued, with winter also passing and spring returning, Jon’s mental stability definitely took a plunge and gradually evaporated.
please note that the remainder of the text includes the explicit mention of PTSD, paranoia, schizophrenia, and psychotic symptoms in general.
          after the (tragic) losses of all his loved ones, plus the unbearable guilt of having killed some of them himself, Jon became very isolated and withdrawn into his own mind. he was left with recurrent nightmares and, eventually, it became so that he can only sleep at night by means of milk of the poppy. non-surprisingly, he was also left with severe PTSD symptoms. all of this resulted in paranoia that grew exponentially as time passed, making him start doubting and distrusting everybody around him and fearing that either the people of the realm or the spirits of his loved ones yearned for revenge against the actions he was forced to take during the Battle for the Dawn --- once again, an expression of his overwhelming guilt. eventually, Jon’s psychological integrity shattered for good and he lost touch with reality, developing schizophrenia. nowadays (in the real world), this mental disorder is assumed to have a multiple and complex origin, which revolves, among others, around a combination of genetic predisposition and triggering life events. in this verse, Jon had a few “risk genes” come from Aerys II Targaryen’s lineage, his grandfather, and that gradually resulted in the collapse of his mental integrity when coupled with all the traumatic events mentioned above.
          at this stage, Jon’s most significant symptoms are paranoid delusions (always the fear that he’s being observed or stalked, that he is at risk and that others want to harm him, that he can trust nobody) and auditory hallucinations (the hearing of voices that are speaking about him, and that tend to be his loved ones’ voices). other symptoms include generalized apathy and emotional detachment. during a psychotic crisis, he will get aggressive and possibly violent towards others and/or himself. after some incidents taking place at court, and the tales quickly spreading, Jon started being referred to as The Mad Wolf.
38 notes · View notes
obsidianmichi · 7 years
Note
HELLO!! ohmahgad im so giddy im disgusting. Am I disgusting? Definitely disgusting! Hahahahahahaha. Okay I'm sorry. I just can't help myself. So I just want to ask about Dirthamen and Eirwen is that okay? okay! 1. uh oh so in my headcanon both of them frequently doing intimacy you know *cough sex cough* does that make Eirwen pregnant? 2. its a spoiler for The Lady in Blue and White, um i want to ask bout vallaslin, dirthan said about marriage? what do you mean by that?
ITS ME MARIO! err i mean me. hehe the continued ask 3. does the vallaslin illicite some kind of pleasure? like dragon age version of vibrator thingy. lmao.  4. and this is stupid but i want to ask your opinion about these song and if they’re kinda related to their relationship? Dangerously - charlie puth, Treat you better - shawn mendes and Feels - calvin harris 5. the last question! Does Dirthan get obsessive/have obsession towards Eirwen?  thanks for answering and sorry for weird grammar :’)            
I’m actually kind of glad you’re so into the pairing. So, to answer your questions.
1) There are no plans for an Eirwen pregnancy at present, but who knows.
2)Vallaslin in The Lady in Blue and White:
I’ve gone back and forth about how I headcanoned this working in Arlathan, and I finally settled on there being a bunch of different vallaslin versions. The traditional ancient elvhen vallaslin works like a patron/protector relationship as a system for energy transfer. This can be Master/Servant, Lord/Knight, but the way it worked on the whole in Arlathan is as a patronage system. They join the rank and file of a lord, the lord acts as the receptacle, and then shares their strength back to their followers thus strengthening them beyond what they’d be able to achieve on their own.
Like all immortals, age plays a huge factor in Arlathan about who is at the top. The society had little to no upward mobility since those at the top never die except by non-natural factors and there was no real meritocracy. There were those who distinguished themselves, but it was incredibly difficult when management had a few 1,000 years on them.
However, every system has an initial stage. The elves were once spirits who transitioned into the bodies they now have. Blood magic seems to be a natural counter to that of the Fade, serving to aid in tying a spirit to the physical plane as they adjusted. The vallaslin Dirthamen put on for Eirwen is very similar to that original version, he understood the patron/client relationship between them wouldn’t be acceptable unless it was reversed. So, he intended to take on a role closer to advisor and siphon off the strength she couldn’t control as a way of quickly regaining the strength he’d lost. He also did it to save her life. He saw it as a way to even out the power imbalance by putting himself in a vulnerable position. He could’ve forced her to work with him but he decided against it. He’d rather give her a reason to trust him. He went with the tightest, strongest bond he could think of. He wasn’t trying to strike up a sexual relationship.
That’s not what he got.
He remarks on it being like marriage because in some ways it is, their mystical energies are bonded. They intermingle, forged in an unbreakable partnership that exists between the Evanuris and their oldest, closest seconds. However, because he’s also Evanuris, it becomes a bond similar to marriage (though not marriage the way we think of it, more like an arranged marriage. A formalized agreement between two people about X, who’ve bonded their magical energies in order to jointly strengthen themselves.) And now, suddenly, they must deal with a sudden closeness neither of them were prepared for.
On a basic level, Dirthamen’s vallaslin acts as a symbol of the union between the modern elves and the elvhen.
Dirth meant well. He also knows what the vallaslin means to him and to her are different, so what binds one way doesn’t necessarily bind the other. Eirwen gets to make her own decisions about how she sees their relationship.
3) Vallaslin in Sex
Vallaslin is a direct, magical blood link between two people. So, yeah, it can be used for pleasure and in a myriad of different ways.
4) Deirwen songs:
Deirwen is incredibly fluffy, so here’s some songs from their playlist.
Ever The Same - Rob Thomas, I Think We’d Feel Good Together - Rob Thomas, Heaven Help Me - Rob Thomas, Taking On the World Today - O.A.R., Accidentally In Love - Counting Crows, Untouched - The Veronicas, Just Say Yes - Snow Patrol, The Safest Place - LeAnne Rimes, The Stranger - O.A.R, Disarm You - Kaskade, Hang On -  Plumb. Steal Your Heart - BRKLYN, Did I Say That Out Loud? - Barenaked Ladies.
World Like That - O.A.R. is Eirwen’s personal theme, really. She’s had a lot, but that one’s stuck. She picks up Scream It Out - Ellie Goulding, and Wake the Giant - Tommy Trash, and Fight Song - Rachel Platten. Oh, and The Last Unicorn - America. (If that doesn’t make you worried, it should.)
The irony is most of the songs for Eirwen to Solas like Strange Sight by KT Tunstall work for Dirthamen except it’s in reverse. He’s the one stretching out his hand and pulling her out of the dark, offering her the acceptance she’s been looking for and doesn’t know what to do with. Thematically, he’s there offering her the home she offered to Solas.
Dangerously by Charlie Puth and I Can Love You Better by Shawn Mendes are ironically great picks for… dun, dun, dun SPOILERS… Falon’din… shh. (Also Think Twice by Eve6.) I initially envisioned him as the charismatic version of the fandom’s Dark Fen’Harel so he is territorial, obsessive, possessive, boundary pushing, and… lots of other things.
5) Is Dirthamen obsessive or get obsessive about Eirwen?
No, Dirthamen is not obsessive. He is protective, devoted, dedicated, and above all: patient. He’s willing to take what he’s given. He’s in no hurry. He’s an immortal, one of the eldest of the Evanuris. One concept he grasps better than any other is time. For him, relationships are not static. What one feels one century could be very different in the next. Eirwen may love Fen’Harel now and have residual feelings, but she won’t forever. She’s going to change, grow into herself, and may come around to see him as a good alternative. She also may not. Dirthamen understands, perhaps better than the others, that there are many different kinds of love. Their partnership isn’t reliant on a sexual bond, though that bond is nice.
He isn’t is possessive, or insecure, his willingness to put on the vallaslin for her was a sign of his willingness to give up control. He’s able to set aside his ego and his pride for what is necessary, because he knows who he is. Whether he wears vallaslin or not, it doesn’t change who he is or where he’s been. He’s willing to let her sort out the speed at which she wants their relationship to move, and be there as an advisor, counselor, or moral support.
He doesn’t see himself in competition with Solas, because he doesn’t need to be. There’s room in her life for both of them, really. He’s overseen and experienced a parade of ever changing relationships between himself and his siblings. Falon’din has been linked to Andruil, and countless others. Fen’Harel has been linked to Andruil. Andruil has been linked to Ghilnan’nain, Dirthamen has been linked to (though never in a serious relationship with) both Ghilnan’nain and Sylaise. Sylaise is also with June. His approach to relationships between immortals is that they’re fluid, and sometimes it’s necessary to take breaks. For him, real love is about who we return to and not who we sleep with.
He’ll probably end up worrying more about the way Solas affects her mental health and the fallout of their past relationship than he will Solas himself.
He has his dark side and he is ruthless, but he isn’t proprietary and feels no sense of ownership. He gives what he wants to give, and expects no reciprocation. She’s free to give him what she can, that’s enough.
There are those who make him feel insecure (*cough* Falon’din *cough*), and those he’s actively concerned about (*cough* Sylaise *cough*) should they ever find out. On the whole though, he doesn’t see Solas as a competitor. A screw up worthy of pity, maybe. He will not compete with a ghost, or place himself at the disadvantage of time. The new provides opportunity, he’ll focus on differentiating himself and building a relationship between them that isn’t reliant on Solas’ shadow.
See her in danger though or under threat, and you’ll see his knives come out. One thing you don’t ever do is hurt the bae. If he’s got a bone to pick with Solas, it’s that. Funny to say, maybe, but he’s disappointed in Solas.
He expected better.
I hope that answers your questions.
Thanks for asking!
13 notes · View notes
Text
An Ode to Connections:
I distinctly remember the moment my parents and I disconnected. I think we were always disconnected but I remember the moment it was served to me plain as day on platter called resentment. My dad and I were arguing and I eventually broke down crying and asked him why him and my mom always seemed to be uncomfortable around me. I asked him why he never talked to me about anything even though I had worked with him all day, everyday in his restaurant since I was thirteen. Being homeschooled made this possible. I was eighteen at the time and I'll never forget the hollow lonely realization pour over me as he looked me in the face and told me we had no relationship because I wasn't a Christian anymore. I had recently expressed doubt about my desire to live the reformed baptist lifestyle and my parents saw this as a reason to withdraw any emotional attachment to me. The funny thing is that my relationship with my father has been the same since I was five so his reasoning during this conversation was an excuse. Very recently the same conversation happened between my sister and my parents. They told her from then on their relationship with her would be "shallow." I'm going to tell you now there's nothing more hopeless and devastating that having your parents tell you they have no real relationship with you because you don't agree with their theology. I think this was harder for my sister because she at least enjoyed some closeness with them where I did not. Talking to my sister about this was difficult for me because I tend to be outraged when my siblings are hurt. Twenty-seven years of bitterness that I thought I had moved past reared its ugly head and I wanted to go to my parents house and give them the Sicilian tongue-lashing they raised me with. After the coffee date with my sister I began to think back on all the things I learned from my parents and all of the things that bound me to them. The list is short and sad. In fact my connection to my parents on an emotional level is non-existent at best. Once I let go of the overwhelming desire to win their respect, approval or whatever it was I had almost nothing to validate the desire to keep them in my life. A sons obligation to visit his parents and update them on the surface events of my life keep me around them week to week. I care about them but I can't say I wouldn't be able to live without them. I think that's really sad. I think my relationship with my parents is a good representation of most of my parents relationships. The friends they had when they were young, their families, their kids. All similar. Very surface, shallow. They lack human connection. So it's a small wonder that they told me every friend I had would fade away because I was gay or that I would never have real relationships....that was actually their experience with all of their relationships. Every "family" they built at every church they switched to eventually faded to pleasant acquaintance once they moved on to the next church family. After realizing this I couldn't help but wonder what defines a deeper connection with another person. What difference is there between my friendly acquaintances and the people that will always be close to me no matter where I go or what I do. What exactly is that strong bond of family and what is it made out of? And more importantly, what can keep a person from being able to develop these types of connections? When I was a young man fresh out of my parents house I was completely lacking any substantial connections. I had a lot of friends but we connected on a very superficial level. These were the people I partied with, went to dinners with, enjoyed festivals and worked out with. They were good friends but still fair-weathered friends. These type of friends make up the majority of our connections and these are good friends to have because you can share and experience life's excitement and happiness with them. The problem was these were my ONLY type of friends. I didn't see a problem with this. A normal healthy person has at least one or two people in their lives that they can be vulnerable with. These are the friends that you tell how you feel. These are the friends you don't feel uncomfortable about calling when you need help or need to vent. These are the friends that understand your moments of weakness are just that. They don't judge you for needing to fall apart or for sharing your craziest parts. That's a connection. I had no friends like this. I think our parents often set the tone for how we relate and connect with ourselves as well as other people. Not only did I not understand the concept of forging unique and strong bonds with people, but I also had no clue how to be open and intimate with myself. I was one of those people who could convince himself that he wasn't upset when he clearly is. Lying to ourselves is the most harmful thing we can do to the people around us. Bad interpersonal skills can keep us from ever being able to connect with anyone in a real way. I saw this in my parents growing up. This is why it's important to figure yourself out before getting married and having kids....your lack of self awareness can ruin lives. I was 19 when I went on a road trip with my best friend. This friend today is literally a sister to me and I trust her more than anyone. It was from going on a road trip with her and then later living with her that I learned about having connections with people. Real connections...the name we use for this is "relationship." For the first time I understood that a relationship is defined by trust and acceptance. We didn't agree on everything and yet it never caused any problems. When we did get in arguments she always made sure she came back and told me "hey! we're still best friends, fucker. You don't stop being friends just because shit gets hard." I needed this ideology in my life. The way I had grown up you were only valued as long as you met the requirements. Because of this I dropped friends and relationships as soon as there was even the slightest bit of tension or disagreement to avoid the rejection and loss that comes from not meeting other people's expectations or ideals. I came to the conclusion that what defines a relationship is the complete acceptance and trust between me and another person. It's through sharing the less pretty sides of yourself and seeing those parts loved and supported just as much as the awesome parts of yourself that creates the safety and bliss of human connection. And the funny thing is that only comes from sharing. You only get that by opening up and investing and then returning that attitude of acceptance and understanding. This changed who I spent my time with and how I picked my friends. I owe my friend/sister a great debt for exposing me to a real flesh and blood connection. I'm a lot healthier because of it. Thinking about this stuff brings me back to my parents and what happened to them to have them build such walls between themselves and any possible connections. I think there are thousands of reason why we are who we are and I don't know if anyone can even try to navigate and break down another persons story. The closest I can get is this: you can't avoid the things that hurt. You can't ignore how you feel about something even if you think it's dumb. You have to validate your feelings and the feelings of those around you. You have to recognize your fears and the fears of others. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and be ok with what you see. I've dated so many guys who are critical of everything they don't enjoy or agree with. Sometimes not sharing common ground with someone is scary and stressful because we want to control the narrative. This is why we belittle and poke fun at things we don't understand. We can't just enjoy what other people love. We live in a selfish one-sided world where we can only connect with people who are exactly like us because difference means you aren't driving the bus. I've realized that it's the differences that make the most fulfilling relationships and the deepest connections. Your friends and lovers balance you out and make you whole. If you only surround yourself with people just like you it's highly likely that you will always be stagnant and always sort of sad and lost. It's through connection and openness that you will thrive. Only through human connection can you find happiness because that's what we evolved to do. We are a bonding species. I think this is why the Bible said to love each other...everyone. Not just those who make you feel like you're as right as you've always believed you are. I sometimes want to take my dad out for coffee and ask him to tell me all about his life. Not his beliefs, but the things he did and felt and experienced. I'd want to listen to those things and be able to show him that I don't judge him. Sometimes even the most infuriating people are only that way because never in their life has anyone ever just sat and listened to them and proved to them that being a human isn't a disease, it's a gift. There's so many people in this world that still haven't figured out that their worth isn't in what they put on display, it's in the dirty broken stuff that formed them into something unique and strong. I have one objective in life. I have one wish that I think about every day. I wish that everyone I meet will be able to look into my eyes and know that whoever they are, no matter what they've done or how they look...I accept them. I want to know how they've gotten where they are and how they feel. I want to be a safe space. This world will break your heart over and over again. There will always be people who try to destroy your spirit for no other reason than because they are afraid and insecure. Get brave, get secure. Look at yourself and be honest about yourself because you are the only thing that can help save the world and you can only do that by seeing people and empowering them. Support, include, inspire, recognize, and appreciate...delight. If you can't get down with celebrating the humanity in other people than it's highly likely that you are still struggling with your own in some way. If that's the case I hope you'll talk to someone about it. Anyone. That's the only way to get out alive...by sharing...by connecting.
2 notes · View notes
6four1-blog · 7 years
Text
June 20th, 2017 (Kavousi, Crete, Greece)
Tumblr media
This week’s hours have been arduously long and I’ve been desperately trying to get more sleep without missing out on too much. The culture shock has been a bit overwhelming and the surplus of experiences is inundating my mental dam and overtaking my writing speed’s capacity. We had to work six days last week, which comprised of nine hours of physical labor everyday, seven hours on site and two hours in the gym. This crazy schedule is pushing my body to its limits but I am slowly growing accustomed to it. My mornings have become as rigid as a science experiment protocol. I unconsciously begin to take out $5.20 every morning at the bakery for my pastries. For these past six days, only three out of five trench members were on site, and the low numbers have blessed me with some extra digging practice and has allowed me to bond with a fewer number of people on a deeper level. There were rumors about negative drama pervading some trenches, and I really didn’t want my trench to develop that kind of culture. Thus, I attempted to make jokes in the morning as an effort to wake others up and lift the mood, even though I was dead exhausted inside. Alex and I have begun giving each other gifts every once in a while. Since Azoria is located in the mountains, any sea stone found on site must have climb there with some form of ancient human assistance. Because there’s no useful analytical data that could be obtained from these sea stones, they are the perfect, and only, ancient objects that we are allowed to keep. I would find a few round pebbles in the sieve every day and I would give them to Alex as presents. He keeps them all in the side pocket of cargo pants, which I find very cute. As the excavation progresses, I intend to build him a large collection; by the end of the trip, I hope he can look back on them as a metaphor for a wonderful third year at Azoria.
Before this week and due to the rain days, our longest streak of site work was three days. This week jumped to a dramatic six days of full-fledged plowing in 27 degrees Celsius weather. It was the physical equivalent of transitioning from Compsci 101 to Compsci 201. The sun literally cooks us like human-sized pieces of Kobe steak and our metal skaliskiris became so hot that our callouses were no less tender than sunny-side up eggs on a frying pan. Today, I woke up unable to completely close my hands, and it’s a miracle that I am still typing right now. I have probably consumed more than two grams of ibuprofen this week alone, a portion that would have probably lasted me a whole month of Ultimate Frisbee at Duke. But at some point in the middle of this week, a mental shell cracked and I entered a new state of mind about excavating, finding myself no longer afraid of the heat, the blisters, and the dirt. I was wearing work gloves for the previous two weeks but I have almost completely given up on them at this point. The clay surfaces and cobble packing require a lot of feeling and touch with certain tools, and while being able to discern certain layers of earth from others sounds like a fictitious ability, understand where clay floors exist is indeed an acquired skill and grasping it has been oddly gratifying. Since it was just Lexi, Kate, and I digging for a while, we have also begun to develop an affinity for certain skaliskiris. Tucker had marked his with the blue twist tie, I had marked mine with a black one, and I helped Lexi mark hers with a green-yellow one. In the end, interestingly, not only have I become attached to my team and the B-trenches, but I have also become clingy to the tools I work with.
On that note, I would like to emphasize I love working with the people in my trench. I love the atmosphere that we’re building, one filled with support, compliments, and, most importantly, sarcastic jokes. Even though Lexi sat behind me on the plane ride from Athens to Heraklion, I, until this week, never really had a full on conversation and quality time with her. She turned out to be a religiously committed volleyball player, practicing almost every day back at Trent University. That was something I could relate to very sincerely because I have lived, and I still continue to live, that lifestyle at Duke. Part of my conscience picked up on that aspect of her character from prior short interactions. There was a determination, sense of self, and mental toughness that is forged almost exclusively through intense participation in and commitment to a physical activity. I am just beginning to know Kate and talk to her more. She seems wholly wonderful like a book just waiting to be read. Later on in the week, she was really sick for a few days, and it was unfortunate that she couldn’t join me and Lexi on site. One of her fellow Iowa State friends’ grandmother passed away, and, even when she was getting sick, Kate sacrificed her entire night’s time and sleep to make sure that Jasmine booked the right flights and would have a safe and worry-free trip home. Her effort impressed me and after witnessing her concern and care, I will definitely make a conscious effort to talk to her more and get to know her better. Overall, in conclusion, working in Alex’s trench is truly a pleasure and I hope we continue to grow and maintain a positive culture for the remaining four weeks.
In addition to bonding with the people in my trench, I am slowly getting to know Alex a lot better as well. After long days on site, we have begun working out in this small makeshift garage gym owned by a local Greek man named Tosos. One can easily tell that Alex is a studious and incredibly kind man just by his demeanor, which radiated from the very timbre of his voice and the form in which he carries himself. However, there is an implacable beast in the man that awakens when the weights start clanking and the music starts beating. His rest intervals are short and he loves to pack his exercises into supersets, which, painfully, tore through all the ATP reserves I had in less than half an hour. His choices of lifts are forcefully dynamic and the pace is unforgivingly quick. The Cretan sun cooks the building we workout in, making it a furnace by the time we arrived at around 5:30 p.m. The oven pushes your exhaustion and blood flow to its absolute limit and every rep gave a pump I that was as novel to me as this island was itself. For the rest of the summer, I am going to put my trust in Alex and I will strive to continue following his workout regime. Having been an athlete all my life, I believe one’s attitude in athletics often translates to his or her work habits in other aspects of life. Now I have no doubt how hard he works at UNC, and I am super glad to have met a principled and persevering man like him.
If you didn’t know before, the two things in the world that I am the most afraid of and the worst at are dancing and singing. If I had to dance and sing in front of a large crowd alone on stage to save my life, I think I would prefer death. This past Tuesday was one of those days when I felt adventurous and bold. So, when David came downstairs and asked me to attend a traditional Cretan dance lesson with him, I said yes and walked out the door with slight hesitation.
The classroom was this mistakenly abandoned building that we’d walk by every day after excavating. The space was overwhelmingly green, and, in a mercurial flashback, I knew that my brother, whose favorite color is green, would have loved it here. The building was a large space converted into a classroom around fifteen or twenty years ago. Two bookshelves and blackboards were haphazardly placed on either sides of the room and both lengths had windows like that of a Gothic church. The blackboards seemed long out of use and parts of the chalk have been stuck on the board for so long that it could have easily juxtaposed some graffiti on a tunnel wall in Durham, North Carolina. One of the bookcases contained beautiful ancient tomes that consisted of, if I recall correctly, almost 20 volumes. The books seemed to be much older than the classroom, as if they were heirlooms of an old family of Kavousi that contained all of this villages’ ancient histories and bloodlines. The other bookshelf was a dramatic contrast, filled top to bottom with children’s books. David and I could not read the Greek, but the images were hilariously entertaining, depicting people of different cultures from around the world. Its depiction of Chinese people was this old, wise, Confucius doppelgänger, which is not a bad image of my people at all. We were halfway through exploring that bookshelf when the dance lesson started. The mid-age man taught us a six step dance that rotated in a circle. I was so nervous trying to learn and coordinate the steps that I grappled the shoulder of the people next to me as if I was hanging on for dear life. Afterwards, the Greek workman beside me, Stellos, introduced himself and apparently remarked to his friend that I was gripping his shoulder really tightly. The trench master Irini, who was on my other side, politely asked me to hold her hand with less anxiety and force.
Eventually, I did loosen up and really began to enjoy myself. Until then, the two indirect non-vocal ways I felt connected to someone was reading their writing and listening to their music. For me, reading another’s writing was both seeing the world from their point of view, as well as seeing into their soul with my own eyes; I get an opportunity to understand how their minds function and exploit a lucky occasion to imagine their perception of the world. Listening to their music connects me with their emotions, and I think one would be surprised by how much we can learn about each other from sharing playlists and songs. In my first revolutionary dance lesson, I discovered another way through which we feel connected to our peers. The beat of the song drowned out all of our howling cultural, academic, physical, and personality differences and served as an united pounding heart for everyone in the circle. Each of our feet were individual muscle fibers of this powerful beating organ, working together in unison with the rhythm and moving in absolute homogeneity and flowing grace. No one was the hero of the stage, and that was what I loved about this traditional Cretan dance. It was done as a group and was meant to connect you with others, rather than for you to show off and isolate yourself. Afterwards, as we walked back to Tholos, I thanked David for inviting me to dance. It was a barrier that I desperately needed to break, and I finally did it here on Crete.
Being confined in a small village allowed me, David, and Weston to grow very close in a short period of time. On a Thursday after working in sizzling conditions that put the Tuscan sun to shame, David, Weston, a bunch of the girls, and I trekked down to the Tholos beach villas. We attempted to check out an herb farm that, very unfortunately, was closed. David and I had worked on site that day and had grabbed a few beers before heading to the beach. After eating almost nothing up at Azoria, the alcohol flowed straight into our systems and had us tipsy in less than ten minutes. We proceeded to drink more beer as we walked and, by the time we found a table down at the beach café, the conversation was flowing like the Yangtze and words were just spilling out of our mouths. I always seem to express myself quite emotionally and very thoroughly every time I am tipsy. Being the only noticeable Asian person in this area, it was a time for me to reflect on what it meant to be a minority in the society that I live in. In the United States and Canada, I have always managed to find myself a bubble of friends who are also Asian and have the same values and life outlooks as I do. Being stuck in these bubbles curtains the fact that I am part of a minority and that, outside of these wealthy and educated spheres, being a minority plays a huge role in one’s identity. Among the local Greeks, I had to disprove the stereotype that all Asian people practice Kung Fu, since the main exposure that these Europeans have had to Asian culture is its popular Kung Fu movies. My physique didn’t really help prove my point; apparently, before they got to know me, they were referencing me as the “Karate Kid” in Greek.
As for my fellow Americans, I tried my best to explain the Asian-American experience. It was difficult because, previously, I never had to pry my mind and think so deeply about my Asian identity in America. I found my inspiration and preferred choice of diction in a Humans of New York post about a young African-American man and his experiences growing up in the suburbs of Miami. For Asian-Americans, oppression and inequality are not necessarily our biggest problems, and neither is socioeconomic status. Personally, I think the most pressing matter is a lack of recognition entrenchment in the collective American identity. For Asian-Americans, there is a barrier that makes it difficult for us to become the leaders and politicians of important institutions and almost anything to do with the general public. As a result, we resort to pursuing careers that either earn us the most money or the most respect. Our immigrant identity is still so young and fragile that we attempt to compensate by obtaining immense amounts of wealth and chasing after the most prestigious occupations, as if we are almost trying to bribe and prove our way into the collective melting pot. Being here in Greece lifted those weighty, ominous clouds off my back. It was as if Atlas had been finally freed from his eternal damnation, finally able to unwind and look upon this world with awe and appreciation for its beauty once again.
In my three short weeks here on Crete, I realized that the locals were always absolutely delighted to learn about my Asian background. They seemed to have had their fair share of American tourists and finally got the chance to spend time with someone who looks completely different. Instead of telling the Asian-American narrative that I have been building for the past twelve years, the anecdotes I shared and the mannerisms I described were as uniquely Chinese as possible, filled with experiences and memories that I pushed away and suppressed so that I could assimilate into Vancouver and fit in at Duke. Maria and I talked for two hours one night, and she told me to never forget where I came from. That “Chinese people, like Greeks, have a long history and a strong sense of ταυτότητα (taftótita; a rough Greek translation for ‘identity’).” As I rode back to the Tholos hotel in Katis’ car that night, I realized I had found myself in a community with an unapologetic and unconditional appreciation for my visible cultural diversity. I couldn’t help but beam as we sped down the road in the clear night. I looked out of the window at the faint outline of the Cretan mountains and at the constellations in the distant universe, finding the Big Dipper and the North Star. These constellations have guided ancient and modern sailors, both Greek and Chinese, away from and back to their homes for thousands of years. Staring at the North Star that night in the car, I decided that, after Crete and Austria, it was time to pay China a visit.
2 notes · View notes
Tumblr media
My name is Mercy Edge and I’m a fucking sex addict . . . I’ve been told it’s a problem. But I see it as a passion; something that I’m good at. And who the fuck stops something that they’re good at? They want me to seek help; get myself check. Don't judge my lifestyle. You’re no better than me. Just admit it, you like to fuck too. Sex is what I do best; my own personal high, so I embrace it instead of being ashamed. When I'm not fucking, I'm slinging drinks at Club Edge another thing I'm good at. Every man or woman’s darkest fantasy brought to life. So, am I stopping? Fuck no. Sex is beautiful, raw and erotic and I get off knowing I can have it with anyone I want and I am not ashamed see sex it’s the best thing God created you have to live life to the fullest . . . with the exception of the man or woman who can tame my heart.. Birth Name: Mercedes Mercy Edge Age: 33Species: The Alpha Female (SheWolf) An Alpha Female is a dominant female in a group. She dates as many males as she wants, is strong and confident, and a hard worker as well as often busy. She is usually sarcastic because she's powerful and playful. Alpha Females are intelligent, intellectual problem solvers; and though being an alpha female is more of a state of mind than a physicality, an alpha understands that dressing up or sexy increases her power in society so she does it. Alpha Females are often terribly misunderstood by Beta and lesser males, as evident by the other posts about Alpha Females, and when this happens, she's called a bitch, a cunt, or a whore ... Alpha Females prefer passion over romance, although if it's romance coming from an Alpha Male, a hootttttt one, that's another story...She will surrender.  Alpha FemaleThere's a good chance that you know an alpha female, and there's also a good chance that you don't like her. You might respect her, but being liked by others is certainly not on the top of her to-do list.Here are some of the major characteristics of today's alpha female:• She's strong-minded. If she's got a plan, she won't quit until it's the plan.• She'll take charge. If the PTA President asks for volunteers, she'll volunteer to take his job.• She's a loner. She is not dependent on friends or family for motivation, encouragement, or camaraderie. Her moxy comes from within.• She's not a stereotypical nurturer. She's got people for that.• She always has her eye on a prize -- always looking to the next project. If no goal has presented itself to her, she'll create one.• She's not afraid to threaten. Though the threat may not be accompanied by the baring of teeth or the "cat fight" stance, she will make it very clear that she is not to be tampered with. She will not flinch at eliminating anyone who stands in the way of her goals.• She has lofty standards. Not only does the alpha female measure her own achievements with a yardstick that's about 5 ½ feet long, she assesses others' achievements in the same manner.• She won't stand for argument. "Talk to the hand" should be the alpha female's mantra, because she's not going to engage herself in lengthy arguments about the principles of her ideals. She's right. Get used to it.• Personal success dominates her life. The alpha female will usually gauge her success in terms of how many clients she's landed or how many acronyms tail her name.• She's competitive. Often obsessed with being the best, she won't be ashamed to admit she's "out for blood."• She's a natural leader. Others will logically look to her in times of turmoil. • She views other women in a dim light. Though the alpha female recognizes that she's not male, she also sees herself as a sort of enhanced woman, rejecting the attributes that are typically considered to be feminine (sensitive, nurturing, delicate).• She's sweet when she has to be. The alpha female has charm, and she knows how, and when, to turn it on. The method of conquering isn't important to her…but the resulting power is.Why Would a Cunning She-Wolf Hide under Sheep's Clothing?
Why is the alpha male celebrated, but the alpha female rarely mentioned or identified? Because traditionally, the genetic personality of the alpha female has been condemned, and even punished. Though the traits listed in the above section aren't undesirable in business, they can definitely hinder a gal in the relationship and mothering departments.
Throughout the history of mankind, the female has been valued for her reproductive capacity. Attraction factors of the female body that are considered beautiful today are holdovers from when men chose women for their child-bearing and child-rearing fitness (small waists, wide pelvic floors, wide hips, short arms, large breasts).
Even if a woman looks fit for bearing children, even if someone better call 911 'cause there's a Shawty fire burnin' on the dance floor, all she has to do is attest that she will not be bearing those offspring anytime soon (with actual words or through her alpha female lifestyle), and the evolutionary voice of man sends up red flags. Man's appetite for seed-sowing is insulted. Because attraction is really a vehicle for reproductive success, this woman is suddenly no longer attractive to the hopeful procreator that lurks inside most men.
Keeping this evolutionary attraction factor in mind, consider the problems that alpha female behavior might pose for yesterday's (and even today's) average woman:
• Because the alpha female harbors a fear of being lumped together with the rest of the weak (her words, not mine) females, she'll avoid falling into traditional wife, mother, and nurturer roles.
• If the alpha female has already established a family, she'll likely spend less time with her children than the average wife and mother. Because of this, she may have to endure "bad mother" accusations.
• Because the alpha female is strong, opinionated, and unlikely to endure compromise, men may either avoid her or withdraw from her (particularly beta males, who typically experience increased stress in the face of confrontation).
• For reasons that are probably already obvious, marriage can be difficult for the alpha female. A noted exception makes itself known in the case of an alpha female marrying an alpha male. He'll likely be one of the few people she'll willingly concede to.
• Often, many of the alpha female's relationships are notably devoid of emotion. She'll maintain ties that promote success, but will rarely form any type of relationship for the sake of love or comradeship alone.
• Because the alpha female has difficulty forging strong personal bonds, she'll likely spend much of her life feeling lonely, even if she's surrounded with people.
For these reasons, women throughout history have learned to stifle their alpha tendencies, in favor of more traditional, and safer, roles.
Women generally want to be liked; they seek approval. When an alpha female pursues success, it doesn't take long for her to dissect the dichotomy that is her life: what her brain is telling her to do severely contradicts what human tradition dictates.
The Alpha Female: A Division of the Missing Link?
"Bonobo." What do you picture? A big-nosed clown with a bike horn? A drunken heckler? A homeless traveler with a sack tied to a stick?
What about your closest living non-human relative? We know that we're 98% genetically similar to the chimpanzee, but some evolutionary scientists have demonstrated that we may be even more closely related to the bonobo, an ape that, to the untrained eye, may be mistaken for a chimp. Interestingly enough, one of the biggest differences between the two apes is their pedalism -- the bonobo walks more erect, like us.
But even more fascinating than the locomotion similarity is the society model that the bonobo offers for alpha females. You see, a bonobo tribe is led by the personality likenesses of Margaret Thatcher, Hillary Clinton, Dolly Parton, and Oprah Winfrey. The tribes are ruled by females, the strongest of which is always the perfect alpha model.
In bonobo troops, females are downright promiscuous (with both males and females). Sex is as common as eating, ear scratching, and well…breathing. Females don't wait around for invitations. Often, paternity is unknown, so males have little to do with the rearing of children (please don't tell Maury Povich).
When female bonobos reach the age of 6 or 7, they're kicked out of the troop. They must find new troops, in which they can groom the head females in hopes of being accepted as "wing women." But the male bonobo are permitted to stay within the troop for life. If you're a male bonobo, son of an alpha female, you will be promoted to alpha male quicker than a spoiled rich kid.
Female bonobos control the food, the oldest bonobo is generally the alpha, and the male pecking order is dependant upon their mothers' ranks, shedding a whole new light on the "your mama wears work boots" argument. So, what does this model tell us about alpha female rule? Evolutionists argue about whether chimpanzee (male-led) troops or bonobo (female-led) troops should be looked to for information about our own evolutionary purposes, and whether we are an inherently violent, chimpanzee-mirroring species, or a naturally cooperative, bonobo-mirroring species. The more moderate view of this study simply looks at two different societal situations and cites their differences as results of opposite gender rule.
The bonobo model offers a snapshot of what our lives might be like today if alpha female behavior was always as prominent as that of alpha males. If the alpha Bonobo could speak, she might imitate the words of Margaret Thatcher: "I owe nothing to Women's Lib."
The Alpha Female, Enveloped in Estrogen
Estrogen gets a lot of attention: from hormone replacement therapy to PMS to menopause. It's as thick as cold grits at basket, jewelry, and make-up parties. It's blamed for husband-bashing and teenage tantrums.
But what about all the good things that estrogen has to offer? Like high, round cheekbones, soprano voices, curves that only stop in snowsuits…and the motivation of the alpha female.
Until recently, a phenomenon that can be called a "positive estrogen loop" had been the unicorn of alpha female studies. That is, until Oliver Shultheiss, psychology professor, and Steven Stanton, psychology researcher, both from the University of Michigan, established that high estrogen can act as a catalyst for power acquisition.
In their study, detailed in Hormones and Behavior, women's affinities to power were assessed. Then, one-on-one dominance contests were staged, with estrogen levels being measured before and after each contest.
In those women who showed notable desires for power, estrogen levels were high, even before competition came into play. When women with high power motivation won competitions, their estrogen levels spiked even higher, and elevated estrogen levels were even detectable the following day.
When those power-motivated women who had higher-than-average estrogen levels lost a competition, their estrogen levels dipped below their own normal levels.
Interestingly, those women who showed low estrogen levels and little need for power from the starting gate showed little estrogen fluctuation, whether they won or lost.
This study shows us that hormonal equality does exist. Alpha males often experience a positive testosterone loop. Now, we can say with a high degree of probability that most alpha females experience a positive estrogen loop (i.e. high estrogen levels increase competitiveness and the likelihood of winning; winning heightens estrogen levels; the cycle continues). A true alpha female will likely experience a regular estrogen high, alternating winning with the desire to win.
This study also explains why many attractive women are also powerhouse alpha females, never willing to lose a battle for "mating rights" with the opposite sex. Estrogen is responsible for the traits that we consider to be most feminine and attractive, as well as for the competitive nature of the alpha female.
Put it all together, and you've got an estrogen-rich alpha female…the complementary counterpart to the testosterone-rich alpha male.
Identifying the Legendary Creature
You're at a party. It might be instinctively obvious to you who the alpha female is, but if not, there are some surefire ways to identify her:
• She'll reach out and touch someone (or everyone), without permission, and without reserve.
• It will seem that her mother never taught her that it's impolite to stare. She's not shy about boring holes through anyone, for any reason.
• Eye contact is one of her power points. She'll never lose an Old Stoneface contest.
• Interruption is common. If she's got something to say, she will ensure that it makes its way into the current conversation, no matter how irrelevant.
• She might not be pregnant, but her pauses will be. When she stops in the middle of speaking for dramatic effect, she's creating verbal cliffhangers that will keep her audience hanging on for dear life.
• The alpha female's opinion matters to the group. Whether a joke is told or a new idea is pitched, everyone in the group will usually look to the alpha female for her reaction before they display their own.
• She'll use time to create power. If the group's in a hurry, she'll find an old boyfriend to talk to. If everyone's hungry, she'll go the restroom and hold up the ordering. If there's a fire, she might reapply lipstick while she's waiting for a beta male to come along and lower the fire escape. By forcing those around her to adhere to her schedule, she's demonstrating her power.
• When with other females, the alpha female will generally walk into a room first. This marks her as the leader.
• If she's hungry, she'll eat. If she's thirsty, she'll drink. Unless she's completed finishing school, and passed with flying colors, she will never feel compelled to wait for others to start.
• She'll stand or sit tall. She rarely slouches.
• She won't fidget, dart her eyes, chew her fingernails, breathe shallowly, or jump when someone taps her on the shoulder. Her breathing will come from low in her torso; it will be barely detectable.
• She'll impersonate Barbara Walters often…asking lots of questions of others, but divulging little about herself.
• Like an extra in a breath mint commercial, she'll move in for the close talk. She's not trying to kiss, she's simply taking her slice of space from others, because she deserves it.
The alpha female generally gets lots of attention. That's part of her power…her power of attraction, her power for steering the conversation, and her power for convincing everyone else what she already knows: that she's right.
Teaching Beta Females to Use Power Tools
The majority of women are content being beta (those lower in the pecking order than the alpha), but there are some of you who either have an alpha female hiding out inside of you, or are simply longing to take the leap…to span the genetic gap that separates betas from alphas. Practicing the following nonverbal skills can help you to span that beta/alpha chasm:
• Smile. It's remarkable what power a smile can bring to you. When you smile at another person, their own mirror neurons make it nearly impossible for them not to smile, the act of which opens their minds to what you have to say, turning the power over to you.
• Work to become comfortable in your skin. Practice power poses, like standing tall with your hands on your hips and sitting with your legs in a figure-four position (please, not while wearing a skirt). Don't slouch, and don't hunch your shoulders. If you look confident, you'll feel confident.
• Don't be afraid to use eye contact. It equates to dominance, but is also valued as a terrific communicatory skill.
• Speak slowly. Taking your time and utilizing pauses within your speech gives the impression that you aren't fearful of anyone interrupting you. It also grasps attention and communicates power.
• Move deliberately. Know where you're going and go there with resolve. Avoid unnecessary movements and speed, which can make you seem less confident and a bit flaky.
• Don't confuse an alpha female attitude with a bitchy attitude. Shouting orders and purposely degrading others are not clever power tools.
• Confidence does not equate to arrogance. Announcing your skill does not make you an alpha female. Proving your skill will. As Margaret Thatcher so eloquently put it, "Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't."
• Allow your fun side to show through. Know that an attractive personality will enlarge the circle of "followers" surrounding you.
• Be graceful in situations that require grace, but also engage yourself doing some masculine things in your down time. Watch football, go fishing, tear apart a two-cycle engine just for fun…if you truly aspire to alphadom, you'll find yourself sharing airspace with a large number of men. A true alpha female is well-rounded, and can easily fall into conversation about most any subject.
• Don't confuse the alpha female with Superwoman. Superwoman will darn the socks, scrub the toilet, schedule the haircuts, and negotiate the settlement. The alpha female will negotiate a bigger settlement and hire someone to take care of the rest.
• Allow yourself the luxury of existing above the stereotypes that have bound alpha females for much of history. Don't apologize for your choices; the alpha female never apologizes.
So get out there, ladies. Don't be afraid to use your newly acquired power tools to get want you want; whether that's the "Yes," the job, the sale, or the man.
Celebrating a Unicorn among Mares
For centuries, the concept of alpha female has been considered an enigma…has even been used interchangeably with insults, leaving the alpha female to fend for herself in the arenas of friendship and love. But times are changing. Now we see women like Oprah Winfrey, Hillary Clinton, and Sarah Palin not only surviving the condition that was once considered to be a curse, but excelling in gaining the support of other women.
Though the studies on the elusive alpha female are limited, we can all expect to hear more from the scientific community in the near future. But for now, we can at least rest in knowing that the unicorn does exist. She's beautiful, she's capable, and thanks to science, she can finally strut her alpha stuff
Portray by Killa Madzilla aka Madelyn Lance
0 notes