#it's a me problem!! im aware

[etoile-gracieuse]

im so sorry yall im regressing into all sorts of old obsessions these days.

just saw a post talking abt why dex (and jack at one point) from check please would be banned from aux at parties (im not reblogging bc it is from 2020 and i dont want to argue with anyone i just want to explain why im right LMAO) and all of the reasons they gave were. What. i had a haus of my own, only for a significantly larger team (track not hockey), and i know my experience is not universal and there's definitely someone out there who Also had a team and a team house w big parties that disagrees w everything i say etc etc but like. it is so odd to see people's ideas abt how that goes when it's the complete opposite of my experience

me rambling abt expectations vs reality for music at parties hosted by doofus athletes for doofus athletes below the cut with a short aside about how canon's housing is deeply confusing to me

it's not just party music assumptions that confuse me, it's on all sorts of levels, like the haus being their only team related off campus space. we had... 11?? off campus houses?? and even if you narrow it down to just houses w mens distance runners in it (approx the same number of people as umich's hockey team rosters) then we had 5 houses plus underclassmen in dorms. like the math is not mathing if there's just the 3 bedroom plus attic haus. what 21/22 year old is choosing to live in a traditional dorm. there's just no way your options as an upperclassman are "be lucky enough to be one of Maybe 6 that can squeeze in if several people share rooms" or "live in dorms. hopefully you get a single" when theoretically they should be averaging like 6.5 people per class year. not the point, a gripe i have w canon really anyways, whatever.

but the collective sense of what goes for party music... i get that the canon era is like 2013 to 2018 or so but like i have met some of our class of 2018 alumni. and i feel preeetty confident in saying the below was also true then.

'he would play come on eileen [and get banned]' - im sorry but that was played at LEAST once per party at my athlete frat house, how is that an aux-bannable offense

"they would be like 'we want party music not sea shanties'" - shipping up to boston is a Thing (capital T deserved). and rattlin bog. do you know how many drinks i have finished while listening to/playing rattlin bog. that is a classic drinking game (i double checked to make sure this wasnt invented like right before i hit college or smthn and found a tweet referencing it from 2014). also we did actually several sea shanties at a st pattys party (our aux guy did have to be bullied into it. worth it) though i would not say that that one's a universal experience.

"this absolute ding dong [jack] says 'i like carrie underwood' and is never asked for his input again" - you're telling me you haven't gotten down in a house full of stolen signs that is falling apart at the seams to before he cheats???? i have watched 22 year old 6'7" men stand on tables and truly Perform their hearts out to this song and you're telling me that holster wouldn't pull that shit?

"plays country and gets banned" - see: before he cheats. but also our most popular party theme (aside from disco i think) was farm party. we had hay bales and apple bobbing. our number of international harvester streams hit double digits before midnight. i did not go to college in the south, or in the middle of nowhere, or any of that. even city kids like to get drunk in overalls and cowboy hats singing about farmers' daughters sometimes

"he just plays dad rock" - i think once again people underestimate how hard college kids go for shit like that when theyre drunk. i have watched people pole dance around a basement support beam to billy joel and bruce springsteen before (admittedly not super frequently but also often enough that i think i have 2-3 videos of it happening). ok actually im looking at a dad rock list and. what do you mean people havent danced to queen at parties. or the killers? or the fratellis? no chelsea dagger or henrietta? no american pie at 2am when youre so tired you can hardly keep your eyes open but youre leaning on your friends and swaying enough to call it dancing so it's ok?? no the boys are back in town???

#alcohol ment #check please #idk why i have such a need to correct the record on people's ideas of college parties full of athletes but #i just Do #i have literally exited out of fics bc the inaccuracies took me so far out of my ability to suspend my disbelief #it's a me problem!! im aware #this isn't to say dex and/or jack wouldnt get banned from aux #they totally would #but the reasons would not be the above

[inkskinned]

the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility #but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion #that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone #i am an environmental educator #so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering #that people are going through #without doing my research and providing real ways to help #this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning #to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering #unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this #and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this #and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity #(complaining) #and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself #for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion #i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out #rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually. #my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free #is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY. #anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i #which is more than their CEOs can say

[bitegore]

Zionists want you to conflate Judaism and Zionism. Zionists want you to believe that Judaism cannot exist without Zionism and that all Jews are Zionists. Zionism would have Jews believe that a Jewish state is the only way that they can be safe from antisemitism and will point to any instance of antisemitism as proof that Zionism is the solution- so Zionism wants gentiles to be antisemitic in their support of Palestine. They want you to conflate all Jews with Zionism and the state of Israel, and they want you to treat all Jews regardless of political affiliation as the face of Israel. Antizionist Jews exist, and incidences of antisemitism ostensibly acting against Zionism will not help dismantle the forces propping Zionism up.

Don't do their work for them.

#red rambles #viva palestina #antizionism #i haven't actually seen a lot of antisemitism personally. not recently anyway. but that's more a feature of me not following antisemites #i DO however see a lot of people talking about the people they're seeing throw their support behind antisemites using palestine #as an excuse to conflate all jews with israel #and i cannot stress enough that that is literally what israel and zionist forces abroad WANT. #i am jewish. my entire family is jewish. i want to see palestine free. and i have SEEN how the jewish community gets conflated with israel #both from the inside and out #and i am dead serious when i say that every time someone is antisemitic it strengthens the conviction from people abroad #that it's a terrible sad situation but there's 'no other choice' #if you're being antisemitic you are doing the enemy's work for them. Stop it. #like... look. i am putting this in the tags bc im talking in the tags but i mean this. I do not give a single flying fuck if you personally #are a giant raging antisemite at the moment. Your personal beliefs are your problem and not mine. I do not fucking care. But if you are #being openly and loudly antisemitic *in your support of palestine* you are absolutely not fucking helping. I am so dead serious right now #if you want to raise awareness and you're being antisemitic because of deep held beliefs or whatever i want you to look around and read the #fucking room. Do you understand how much of Israel's international support comes from the idea that they are the only country where jews ar #safe from antisemitism? do you see how every time palestine comes up people point at incidences of antisemitism in anti-genocide actions to #discredit the entire movement? do you not understand how your actions are cutting the movement down at the knees? #i'm jewish and proud of it. i don't like antisemitism. but there's a genocide on and i'd rather work against it than quibble over who i #work alongside. i dont fucking care. you can be as antisemitic as you like in private. stop fucking the movement up. #there are bigger things to worry about here. if i can put aside my own concerns as to who i'm talking to you can hold your tongue #and fight the good fight instead of handing weapons to the people who are trying to fucking flatten gaza.

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem! #its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome' #instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems! #anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now! #house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

[45percenterthen]

guys I think friendship groups might be inherently a bit evil . theres always at least one person who's not having a good time at any given moment

#Im aware this makes me sound like the problem I PROMISE im not

[craycraybluejay]

You said in tags once that pedophiles and child predators aren't the same, can you explain why? /GEN

For the same reason that people with any kind of attraction to anyone ever aren't all rapists/don't all pursue romantic/sexual feelings that could or definitely would hurt the other person. Because paraphilias are simply the morally neutral state of experiencing attraction and rape/grooming is Not That. Because people *choose* to hurt others, but not what they feel. Because a good majority of child sexual abusers aren't even pathologically/paraphilically attracted to children, they *just want to hurt them because they can.* Because they're dissatisfied with something in life, or want a punching bag, or want to feel powerful, etc etc.

It's not really different conceptually from physical abuse. Do people do it because they have icky feelings about liking blood or violence? No. They do it to feel powerful. Sexual abuse is not about sex but about power. Hope this answers your question. I've answered it a good million times on this blog but eh I'm in a generous mood.

#anon response #pro para #girl imagine if ppl blamed randomass sadists for me getting beat up as a kid #like. no. thats not how that works. if they got off on hurting me in a literal sense they mightve been a little nicer ab it. #honestly its just flat out offensive to equate thoughts and feelings with abuse #regardless of someone's pathology you can always choose to do good and always choose to do evil #what you do with that ability is up to you. but rather than focusing consequences on random 'freaks' maybe focus them on #'normal people' who decide to covertly abuse their kids. or the priest who got tired of being godly and did some fucked shit #it is not the freaks you should fear but those who put on a face of normalcy while treating others like garbage and hurting people #also mostly those that are self aware know how to Be Good so to speak and im saying this broadly ab all 'dangerous' thoughts #ppl who know they can get triggered into violence will usually avoid sais triggers. ppl who spiral out of control during an episode will #have someone watch over them or find some way to offset any possible damage #even for people in whom some sort of harm is an instinctive reaction and not a conscious decision #steps can be should be and are taken to minimize problems and recover from anything that needs it #i trust a big 3 paraphile easier than an unstable person in power with no self awareness #because ive met both and only one has ever seriously hurt me. guess.

[galaxythedragonshifter]

The feeling when you want to make your own fantasy world and you've tried so hard you've gotten to the point where you have no idea what you want

#galaxy rambles #im genuinely stuck asf rn #i want a fantasy world with dragons #but do I include the humans? #i want to because Galaxy's whole thing is being a Dragonshifter #but at the same time I'm having the worst time trying to connect to human OCs #and develop the human culture because there's nothing keeping me interested #but at the same time idk what I want because no matter what I think of it doesn't work #so im stuck in this “i dont know wtf i want” state because im not getting attached to ANYTHING #no matter how many things I add into it that I like #which has been my problem with fantasy worlds since the beginning #EVERY. ONE. I. MAKE. #no matter how interesting or complex I try and make it I lose attachment #writers please help me- 😭 #maybe im too self aware #writer asks #writer problems #writers on tumblr #writers #worldbuilding #worldbuilding help #why is it so easy to get connected to everyone else's human characters #but when I do it I can't get anything #?????

[hauntswitch]

It's all well and good for the twitter people to say that they are going to attempt to make musk lose money like the tumblr/yahoo situation, but the fundamental issue there is that to be able to do such a thing, it would require the people that tweet to stop tweeting. This is a problem because twitter people LOVE to tweet

#on a real note all this media attention- *especially on twitter(!)* is helping musk- i can guarantee he does not feel threatened by tumblr #also with yahoo part of the problem was that no one at yahoo understood tumblr or its users properly. i hate to give anything to musk but #regretfully he does in fact relatively understand twitter and is at least aware of its userbase #twitter #elon musk #im sure that he is very aware that anger and fear and discouse sells. it sells extremely well! im convinced thats objectively why twitter's #character limits are so low... #**discourse #the idea of a meme-ing billionaire edgelord owning the biggest social media platform and directly influencing it himself with his cringe #and awful views makes me feel unwell #my top posts

[kaflufflin]

You ever struggle so hard to peel an orange and then once you're finished somebody offers you a knife?

#peeling an orange can make a person so irrationally angry like youre food youre not even alive let me eat you this is bs #I just wanted to call dabi a fruit tbh #but also shigaraki could probably find a job his quirk is good at thats not murder #consistent style? I don't know her #dabi #shigaraki tomura #mha #bnha #Im fully aware of the state of the manga however right now his biggest problem is eating an orange #shigadabi as domestic morons #my art

[infraredss]

i am going to do EVIL THINGS!!! thats right. I'm gonna become sooo fuckin evil and NOBODY can stop me.!! i mean i guessss if a butch lesbian were to kiss me on the lips or hold my hand then maybeeee id postpone these evil activities. but who would want my EVIL PLANS to be thwarted. that would be soooo terrible!!! just the absolute worst...

#wlw #lesbian #sapphic #the girl i think?? i like?? isnt a butch lesbian but maybe i should start vaguing like this on my instagram story like #“aha it would be sooooo bad rn if a tall blonde woman kissed me rn. that would be soooo terribleeee” #point is i dont know how to flirt with women or get their attention #the problem is as far as im aware the other lesbians in the world also use the tactic of just looking at other lesbians and not interacting #so if any lesbians wanna look at each other and never make a move lmkkkkk hmuuuu

[speedlimit15]

sorry for sounding like r/iamverysmart but i keep finding myself in social situations (well ok its just jay's family but they're here all the time) where i feel like seven of nine. As in everyone is saying stuff that i know to be factually wrong or that i straight up disagree with but it's none of my business and i dont have small talk topics so i just kind of sit there looking occasionally pained. when i do open my mouth i feel like whatever comes out is so calculated-sounding bc otherwise i'll accidentally say something rude. if i do interject with something i'm thinking it quickly turns into me explaining a series of things and explaining them poorly bc im flustered and didnt realize id have to explain them OR i sound like a total doomer downer. i have no idea how to get over this bc this is years into knowing these ppl and i love them and care about them and im going to have to continue interacting with them!!! and i dont think theyre stupid or that im better than them in any way but i keep watching them make decisions based off false assumptions And i feel like theres nothing i can do bc its not my place

#talking about my social frustrations lol im aware this is a me problem.

[juststarsandthemoon]

this whole permit business is uncomfortable for me,I'm legit upset every time scar gets put on hold

#im aware that this a me problem so for now it just means that i wont watch grians eps for a while #hermitcraft #grian #goodtimeswithscar #lights on

[calamitys-child]

Something about like. Longitudinal dysphoria. Like it's well known at least in groups ive chatted to that a lot of people get dysphoria about stuff sorta one thing at a time, most commonly people who wanted top surgery but not bottom surgery getting rid of the primary focus of their dysphoria at their chest and deciding subsequently that they Do want lower surgery bc they are now more cognizant of that dysphoria. Like fork theory. Get the big fork out and you suddenly notice the little forks more. Anyway I'm at peace with my build and my chest, and I love my shit lil beard and body hair, and respect where my voice is at, and I don't want bottom surgery. I don't. I don't get dysphoria about the fact I have this anatomy, and I do not yearn for the results of that surgery at a level which outweighs the effort it would take to seek, undergo, recover from, and continue with the results of that surgery. I think what I Do always get dysphoria over is simply the Inconvenience. Having to wait to use a stall in the typical men's toilets one stall four urinals set up always always pisses me off (pun intended) purely because its so ANNOYING. My gender is man (inconvenient) and normally I get to play and enjoy and relish in that Inconvenience but every time I'm standing in a tiny public bathroom trying to stay out everyone's way bc I have to piss in the one (1) stall it fucks me off like. I've been on t for 3+ years when do I get to surpass this hurdle in my physical being (never without invasive surgery with an intense recovery for results I don't really want) like CMON man have I not put enough xp into transsexualism to be good at pissing at urinals yet. I deserve this for pure efficiency's sake if nothing else

#this is incomprehensible i am aware #i think like. okay i tend towards acts of service and my primary gender identity is always Butch. i want to be efficient and helpful #so i think my problem isnt taking up space. looove taking up space. im here deal with me #i think my problem much like so much of living with adhd is that i hate being in stasis or limbo #either im pissing or im not why am i standing here. either im working or im not what do i do with the 20min betwixt bus and shift. yken? #also dont suggest stps i have one and we have at best a 75% Piss Directionality success rate and its dogshit to pack with #i do not get on well enough with it to wear it often at all

[inccev-01]

fun fact: officially, ci flower isn't the same character/entity as v4flower- and this has been confirmed by her companies several times now. on her official voisona character page you can find this little blurb...

...that says she's a new flower from a parallel world! so technically flower, but also ...not.

(which really isn't much of a surprise- the majority of cevios are representatives/dopplegangers of pre-existing fictional characters or virtual likenesses. for a cevio, I think ci flower might be the first to be based specifically on a vocaloid, rather than being a direct extension/continuation ala yukari and ia.)

the "what if" theme is assumedly why her design has always looked so different from vflower since the start (though I would argue that she has a lot of shared design motifs on close inspection, its just leans more to flower's V3 and talk designs than her V4). its also why she has a planetary motif/logo.

this is from an interview with her devs, source here. (its an entirely free article but it is in japanese. that last sentence should say "previous vflower designs", deepL botched that part, but the rest is accurate)

ci flower gets a lot of disdain for not being "vflower enough" but that's kinda... her entire point. she's an "au" flower so she is intended to be different. while you can intepret her however you like (use her as vflower continued or her sister or her reincarnation or her clone or whatever you want for your art lol) I feel like the general lack of understanding towards her concept/theme is why most people don't even bother to give her design, let alone her voice, a chance. vflower is still being sold and is extremely popular among producers (I do not forsee her going the way of piko anytime soon). even ci flower's official twitter has stated that she wants them both to be loved, including the differences!

its important to note that ci flower is being handled by a different company all-together, incs toenter (the same agency that supercell and honeyworks are under! incs also helped out with miku fes'24 spring and seemingly are business partners with crypton).

as for vflower's company, gynoid's current state is ??? ...what we know about them lately in regards to flower is that they apparently restructured their entire company and also fired the original development team behind her and the meikas. then, sometime after, they licensed out ci flower's rights to incs (who until this point, had never been publicly involved with ci flower's release, gynoid even wiped all their old articles about her development from their website). incs then released her... three years from initial annoucement.

I don't think its entirely unreasonable to believe that the reason ci flower is a "spin-off" is because of all the development hell her release went through. 🫠

...anyways, as a treat for reading this far, have this:

#meow.txt #ci flower #cevio #vflower #vocal synth #updated this with more info because this still gets notes :> #enough ci flower discourse... its been years im dying #her development history is fascinating to me because yukari and ia did not have this many problems as far as im aware. just ci flower lol

[desertangels70s]

Quotes from "that 70's show" that reminds me of Robert and Jimmy, but it's mostly just Robert thinking he's hot.

The space outfit I'm speaking of

#70s #1970s #led zeppelin #jimmy page #robert plant #that 70s show #ive been bing watching it again #im aware the actor is toxic and is the definition of ick #the quote reminds me of his space outfit #maybe someone pointed it out and said something similar to the quote #im happy that jimmy overcame his problems though #much love to them <3

[gaminegay]

As if I'm gonna let the skull noodles tell me what to feel

#alda drawing #alda rambling #One of the things that has tripped me up when trying to explain stuff is being So aware that something is a brain problem #It's not that I CANT taste the food. My tongue is fine and I am technically aware that its tasting SOMEthing right now. #It's just my brain refusing to interpret the signal right. There is nothing wrong with my nerves my brain just isnt serving the pain signal #If I was prone to thinking something was physically wrong this would be very helpful but I'm not so it's just slightly annoying #Like bad wifi. Connection issues. Helloooooo it says im connected I have bars but its not loading anything. Knock knock lets go