#maybe im too self aware

[galaxythedragonshifter]

The feeling when you want to make your own fantasy world and you've tried so hard you've gotten to the point where you have no idea what you want

#galaxy rambles #im genuinely stuck asf rn #i want a fantasy world with dragons #but do I include the humans? #i want to because Galaxy's whole thing is being a Dragonshifter #but at the same time I'm having the worst time trying to connect to human OCs #and develop the human culture because there's nothing keeping me interested #but at the same time idk what I want because no matter what I think of it doesn't work #so im stuck in this “i dont know wtf i want” state because im not getting attached to ANYTHING #no matter how many things I add into it that I like #which has been my problem with fantasy worlds since the beginning #EVERY. ONE. I. MAKE. #no matter how interesting or complex I try and make it I lose attachment #writers please help me- 😭 #maybe im too self aware #writer asks #writer problems #writers on tumblr #writers #worldbuilding #worldbuilding help #why is it so easy to get connected to everyone else's human characters #but when I do it I can't get anything #?????

[mochaintherain]

Pleonexia

Summary: Cemented as a false God, the title of "The Creator" warranted a certain Fatui Harbinger to impose his greed upon you.

Word Count: 1.3k

CW: SAGAU, implied violence, implied cultish themes, the fatui comes as it's own warning, slight jealousy?

A/N: formatted on mobile </3 A little drabble I had lying around (*´▽｀*) I really like SAGAU but only a specific flavor of it RAUGHH I also have so,,, many ideas for other fics. Yippee for summer!!! (delusional)

Zapolyarny Palace was destitute of warmth.

The room the Tsaritsa had generously provided on account of your descending far outgrew your meager body; the walls stretched too far, any insulation it may have mustered in the heart of a blizzard out your reach, and the chandeliers hung from the ceiling too high to provide any ample light, encompassing you in darkness. The only reprieve within your residence laid a stately hearth. The fire roared, breaking the monotonous cold hues of the bedroom. Its heat blanketed your face in a sweet caress. Soft whispers of crackled wood lulled you to slumber.

Temptation gnawed at your being. You wanted to rest.

But something you quickly learned about the palace was its capacity for people.

For Fatui.

And they wanted anything but your comfort.

The Regrator hummed, cold fingers trailing the bare of your neck, reveling in your shudders as he clicked the gold necklace onto your figure. Illustrious gemstones and the smoothest links of gold culminated to create art - now adorned by you. It could have been beautiful, had it not been tainted by avarice. Had it not been tainted by his prayer.

"Your Grace, do you like it?"

That moniker stirred ill within the depths of your stomach. When would be the day they realized they deluded themselves into a lie? When would be the day they killed you for being something you never claimed you were?

As intriguing as the Fatui were on one side of the screen, they were sinister zealots on the other. They despised the Gods so much their hatred festered piousness--and they paraded you like a doll around the estate, an object to collect worship and donate it to rising influence. You were another gnosis, another piece to their revolution.

The match to inevitably burn away the Old World.

"Your Grace," the Regrator repeated, the edge on each syllable chiding, "is this not up to your tastes? ...Not refined enough?"

Your head snapped up to meet his gaze. No semblance of warmth pierced his icy veil. For all the devoutness the Harbingers touted, their theatrics fell short. Ugly, false fidelity bled through their altruistic ministrations.

How you wished to curl up next to the fireplace instead of having to cling onto your robes.

"No...no, it's, ah, beautiful. Thank you," you mumbled, forcing a smile onto your face.

"Of course. Someone of your status—" he grit that phrase out from his throat, you swore it—"deserves only to be lavished in the finest treasures Teyvat has to offer! Wouldn't you agree?"

When they killed you, would he scatter his riches upon your corpse? Or maybe Pantalone would bury you with all the accessories he gifted you--

Perhaps they’d continue the facade, setting your still heart upon the altar dedicated to the Creator. The name you unwittingly stole from its rightful place.

He took your long, drawn, silence as acquiscence. "It's quite alright if you're shy. I fully understand, as your acolyte, but really, you must be more open about you and your capabilities--humbleness goes hand in hand with honesty, after all! Surely that's nothing to hide, hm?"

His hands found their way to your own, and he traced the shape of a diamond on your palm.

"What did you call them again? What was it...oh, primogems?" From your visage, the corners of his lips curled. "Your Grace, won't you show me your divinity? For all my offerings, a glimpse wouldn't hurt."

It's only fair.

"I'm...truly grateful for everything the Fatui, and especially you, have provided," you started slowly, eyes falling to his rings, unable to harbor the weight of his scrutiny any longer, "but...I'm sorry. I can't just use them whenever I wish—" the words died on your tongue as his grip tightened, leaving behind desiccated sputters.

"And why is that?"

"I'm—I'm sorry—"

"Am I not worthy?" Pantalone laughed a little, devoid of joy, "have I not given you enough, Your Grace? What more can I give? I've already built myself up from nothing, despite the Gods' negligence—must I give that up too, to bask in Your warmth?"

You winced, trying to pull away. Yet he held firm, as if it wasn't wrists he was holding, but the bags of mora he hoarded.

"That's not—"

"I really am not asking for much, Your Grace. You've shown the Balladeer—even the Doctor—your powers. So why not me? Dottore and I are close partners, and if you trust him, I can assure you, you can have complete and utter faith in me, just as I do you."

"I...Okay. But only one summon," you conceded, the crystalline shards manifesting into your hands.

As if he hadn't been intimidating you moments prior, Pantalone stared in awe, clasping his hands together and humming.

"Oh! You're too kind, Your Grace!"

"Please, just call me by my name," you whispered, before cupping the primos together into an Intertwined Fate.

"How beautiful," he gasped, "may I?"

Reluctantly, you handed it to him. The size of his figure dwarfed the small orb, brimming with power. A pink and blue glow breathed life into his otherwise dull fur coat.

"How do you use…this?” Pantalone’s brows furrowed together, raising it up to the light as if to get a better view. “It’s quite…tiny.”

"Well, I'm not sure how it fully works in Teyvat—but you wish for something and hope to get it."

"Hm? So you leave it up to chance?"

"Yes, in a way..."

"How pitiful," he whispered, before his voice dropped an octave, "you must have more power than that. You’re a God.”

“I’ve already told you all…” you stopped in your tracks, images of corpses scattered across Dottore’s lab. You were almost a test subject, “godhood” shielding you from the vivisection table by a narrow margin. If they learned the truth…

“I…am not a god in my home world,” you stammered, picking words haphazardly from the floor of your mind, “I’m still getting used to Teyvat, so…”

He sighed, squeezing your shoulder. “I see. Well, demonstrate how it works.” The reassuring gesture only spurred your unease.

With a slight nod, you pondered what to wish for.

“…Thrilling Tales,” you declared, the fate sizzling with luminescence before shooting up into the sky.

Pantalone’s mouth fell agape as a bright, blue, light enveloped your hands, swirled together, then dissipated, revealing the weapon. Another wish granted. More primos depleted, with no way to earn them back.

“A book; Is it a catalyst?” He took the tomb from your grasp, skimming its contents. “From what I can tell, not a very good one.” A frown slowly painted over his countenance. “Are you playing games with me, Your Grace?”

“W-whatever do you mean, Pantalone?” Your voice faltered as he took a step towards you. Gripping your face just hard enough for his rings to chafe and dig into your cheeks, he tilted your chin up.

“When you were with Dottore, you summoned a brilliant sword that he remarked, “wasn’t from this world”. And, with me, you summon this…” He pinched the book by its cover, letting the pages sway limply below. “Fairy tale?”

“Well—! The Doctor scared me—I, I am much more comfortable with you.” Though not necessarily a lie, it wasn’t a truth either. Of all the people you’d interacted with so far, mainly the harbingers—only the harbingers, when you thought about it—Pantalone, compared to the Doctor, was much less scary.

Eyes widening, the grip on your face went slack, morphing into a soft caress of your cheek. You shuddered again.

He smiled, returning to that cheery demeanor.

“Well, if that is the case, I’m glad, and honored, Your Grace.”

You nodded, every muscle in your body taut and strangled by your lies.

“Of course.”

.

#self aware genshin #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #genshin fanfic #genshin impact sagau #pantalone x reader #religious themes #sagau #sagau pantalone #why do i keep writing sagau #AND ITS NOT EVEN SCARAMOUCHE? #im not even that into pantalone tbh. #maybe its bc whenever i try to write scarapookie #i end up with far too many words and far too little time

[strayrainbow]

For the DTIYS by @ladylunora !!!

It was really fun, Thank you for the challenge!

#I haven't done lineart in Years and colouring is so difficult right now. Still not super happy with it. #I'll probably end up messing with it more but for now it's kinda gotta be done #I'll post alternatives when I'm less sleep deprived. Maybe #hlvrai #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai benrey #fan art #my art #first almost finished piece in A While #why r colours sp harrrrdddd #I may also have 2 other pieces and an animation that I definitely won't get done in time #or even anytime soon #but the dtiys has done something to me and im Inspired #benculavanfeetmanDTIYS #frenrey #half life vr but the ai is self aware #please look at the hands i tried so hard #but not too close. dont look at the mess pls and thx

[paintingformike]

me trying to explain why i think mike is gay and is aware that he’s not in love with el cause he has feelings for someone else since atleast the end of season 3, but he also doesn’t know the feelings attached to the painting are will’s yet and he was consciously lying in the monologue by trying to follow what will told him in the van (giving el the courage to fight on by emphasizing her abilities as a superhero, something that makes her different and “better” apparently!) cause he thinks that’s the only way to save el...so the painting is a plot device for byler to get together (and mlvn bones cause it made mike misunderstand what el truly needed, leading to his words not being enough for el to win and save max in time) but not in the sense that mike fell in love with will’s feelings for him or the person behind the painting, just that it was used to show who’s always been the right person for mike based on compatibility and understanding and true unconditional love, and for him to realize that things aren’t hopeless and his feelings are requited once he finds out the full truth behind the painting cause without it he would’ve continued forcibly conforming due to societal expectations and pressure, and trapping himself in a loveless relationship because of his fear of losing el and hurting her

#so im finally coming out as a full fledged gay mike truther 🙏 #but there are certain things im not in agreement with when it comes to how gay mike truthers commonly perceive the narrative #like mike figuring out will in the van scene...cause i dont think hes there just yet #hes still too wrapped up in low self worth to ever comprehend that someone loves him the way will does #but i do agree that he’s self aware of his own feelings for will and has been struggling/dealing with it #i think s5 will reveal all his internal conflicts surround it #so i dont think hes gonna have a “feelings realization” in s5 but rather come to terms with/accept said feelings #the reason i believe this is bc if s5 is when he’ll figure out his own feelings #i dont think there would be enough time to depict his internal struggles/conflicts with it #as a lot of people have said...it would look like mike realizes hes in love with will then just #immediately jumps into a relationship with him without any internal struggles in between #i dont think thats what theyre trying to convey storytelling wise #i have more thoughts on why i believe in gay mike now but i still dont know how to piece them together in a coherent analysis yet #maybe i’ll post about it someday but for now take this 👍 #byler #byler analysis

[lovesickeros]

☆ lost in orbit

{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings violence [ implied ], unhealthy relationship {☆} word count 0.6k

She had resigned herself to apathy – to burying her love beneath the cold, hard soil and letting it rot amongst the graves of a long dead civilization, burned to ash in only a day. Yet how quickly it all fell apart in her hands, slipping through her fingers like sand, no matter how desperately she tried to cling to it.

Was she not diligent enough? Was she so weak that she faltered at the first person who showed her genuine trust and affection? Had all her work been for naught?

A part of her revolts – the same woman who watched the sky burn and the ground beneath her feet crumble into ash. It would be so easy to wrap her hands around your delicate throat, to squeeze until you finally saw her as the monster she knew she has always been.

Yet she doesn't think she could. The look of betrayal, of fear..oh, it would ruin her, she knows.

Perhaps that makes her weak. Perhaps you have made her weak.

Perhaps she does not mind as much as she should.

You trust her, after all – enough to sleep in her bed like she couldn't just kill you before you ever knew what was happening to you. Your body was so..fragile, in this mortal shell you descended in. How easy it would be to snuff out your life, here and now.

Yet she doesn't.

Instead, she looks at you like an old lover – with all the love of a woman who had died in the ashes of a dying civilization, of a woman who thought she could love no longer. Emotions she fought so hard to suppress well up in her chest and fill the empty space where she knows her heart should beat. Try as she might – and oh, how she tries – she can never quite stem the affection that consumes her every waking moment when she sees you.

It is like an addiction that she cannot rid herself of, no matter how she tries. She always finds herself back at square one – back to you.

Her hand lingers against your cheek, undue affection filling the empty spaces in her chest until she feels like cannot breathe. She traces her hand along your jaw, her vision narrowed on the softness of your lips.

Yet that same thought rises unbidden to the forefront of her thoughts. Love was a dangerous thing – you both knew that. To let it fester and rot her from within..she would be throwing her plans out the window, and for what?

Because she was too weak? Because the affection and trust in your eyes whenever your looked at her made her feel whole, like she was more then just an Archon playing God with the fate of the world?

You do not even stir as her thoughts toil like a brewing storm. She swallows the lump in her throat, removing her hand like she'd just touched a piece of hot metal. A part of her still screams that it's for the best, that you've corrupted her enough, torn apart her plans in the span of a week, a mere blink in time..

But it goes silent as she leans in, pressing her lips to your cheek. She will not let the thought fester, tonight – she will let herself be weak, if only for another day. If only to covet the affection that she finds herself drowning in for just another day.

And when you stir, she pretends that she had never thought of it at all, that she has only ever known love with you. Even if her heart that does not beat leaves a stabbing pain in her chest in the agony of knowing that even this is futile..

She lets you wake, let's the recognition and the affection fill your vision until she is all you see – two stars locked in orbit, unable to break away.

And when the day comes that you collide, she will be holding the blade that drives into your chest, and she will know nothing but love when she does.

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #tsaritsa #fellas is it gay to think abt murdering ur lover bc u love them so much #everyone hcing that her lover died in khaenri'ah but what if she killed them.. #tsaritsa killing her lover so they dont have to walk down the same path and suffer the consequences when celestia retaliates>>> #tsaritsa killing her lover bc to her them dying is better then living and she refuses to let them be corrupted by going down the same path #i just think shes a little silly!!! a little goofy!!!! i forgive her #theres just smth abt tragic lesbians and also tragic lesbians whose tragedy is one of their own making #yknow :) #but at the SAME TIME. her lover dying and wanting her to move on and LIVE but shes so spiteful shes willing to destroy herself to #destroy celestia. she doesnt care abt what happens to her bc if her lover isnt there with her then what does it matter? she has nothing lef #to lose. #characters who become their lover would hate bc living in a world without them is agony>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> #also i only tagged unhealthy relationship bc the tsaritsa is. unhinged but shes actually v normal in the relationship #she loves u!!!! and shes a good lover!!! she just thinks abt killing u sometimes bc she loves too much and its easier to kill u now vs lose #you later on where it will hurt WORSE #also bc smth smth she thinks itll make it hurt less if she kills you vs someone else bc she would actually LOSE IT if someone hurt u #spoilers it does not and she spirals and is haunted by what shes done and constantly tries to lie to herself to justify it. it does not wor #did i scare off the normal ppl w this one.......maybe!!!!! #i meant morally grey at best when i said morally grey at best!! #crawls back into my ditch okay im shutting up now

[piplupod]

why do counsellors think it's helpful to tell you "you shouldn't feel that way!" when you tell them something like "I am so stressed about spiders to the point where i have crying breakdowns thrice a week" or "I feel like I am somehow secretly a terrible person that needs to push everyone away to keep them safe from the rot that is inside of me"

like ... golly gee, thank you so much, that's soooo helpful, can't believe i never thought "wow! i shouldn't be feeling this way!" before, pretty crazy that you can just cure me with that one declaration!

#GIRL IF I KNEW HOW TO STOP FEELING THIS WAY I WOULD BE FINE !!! I WOULDNT BE TALKIN ABOUT IT WITH YOU #like okay yes. that is a good STARTING statement. but can u give me... something actionable perhaps. please. #instead of essentially just shaming me for my feelings hsdgjkl #i KNOW these feelings and thoughts are ''wrong'' and unhelpful and unhealthy and hurting me. but like... what do i DO with them... #''i feel like a bad person'' ''well you arent so you shouldnt feel that way :)'' ''....okay great thanks so much see you next week'' ????? #such wise words from a trained professional! /sarcasm #idk man i think that my stories and characters have been far more helpful in therapizing me than actual trained professionals ever have #these ppl do not know what to do with me it seems like #i get so frustrated every time i hear ''you're so self aware!'' bc that seems to be therapist language for ''idk what to do for you'' #or ''i can't help you. you are beyond my capabilities as a trained mental health professional who went to school for years'' #im TIRED. im so tired !!! #anyways im just dreading my appt later today fdjgkl i like this lady more than the last one but she hasn't been very helpful so far #starting to resign myself to the fact that maybe i am just too fucked up to be helped fdsjkl like man. im just stuck this way i guess #unless i can figure out how to fix me on my own then i think im just fucked #pippen needs 2nd breakfast

[skitskatdacat63]

I will read the most inane and useless stuff for hours just for my own interest/enjoyment, but reading academic papers is like pulling a tooth 😭😭 like I genuinely think I'd find the info interesting but the fact that ik it's in pursuit of doing an assignment somehow manages to kills my motivation 100%

#step 1. you pick a research topic you find genuinely interesting #step 2. you have to research and read papers abour this topic. hey dont you remember you find this interesting?? #i just remember going on deep dives learning about random historical figures #but absolutely god forbid i read anything in the pursuit of actual schoolwork #i think its mostly that i feel constantly under duresss when im reading it yknow? #all i can think is: im going to have to write something about this #lol just need someone i can blab to about politics and maybe it would actually work out for me #but ugh yeah theres just such a palpable difference btwn reading smth for enjoyment and reading something 'for work' #here is an example! #in my one class i think my prof put The Prince as a reading #i didnt even look cause im liek yeah i aint reading all of that #fast forward a year later: oh my god! i wanna read machiavelli so bad! i wanna feel intellectual 🥰🥰 #literally bought myself a copy of it ..... #i think im too self aware. id like to remove all sense of context from my brain #literally spent hours today watching documentaries that are actually pretty relevant to my one course #<- but note. they werent FOR my course. i was just doing ir for fun! i wanted to learn!! #but if i got assigned a hour and a half docu for class....that shit would not be getting done #ugh yeah anyways i have two research papers this sem #and its so fucking annoying bcs its so open to my choices. like here. you can pick smth you find genuinely interesting #and you guys literally witness me constantly learn info and want to apply it #but the thought of having to write a paper for school(god forbid) literally keeps me awake at night #its just yeah. wish i could remove that particular barrier from my brain #bcs some of the things i do for fandom are literally borderline research papers #like. read and research a bunch. write about it to other people. apply the info(in fic/drawing/meta) #and really the topics are not so different from my actual coursework #but when i contemplate having to research and write for school it just flatlines my brain #need to start forcing people to watch me borderline seminar so that it feels more fun and in-line w what i do on here #the fernando card post???? practically a research paper. god. my brain is so bad #catie.rambling.txt

[caffeinatedopossum]

Everyday I am realizing things about myself 0_0

#not /neg or /pos but a secret third thing (burdened by self awareness) #not exactly 'bad' things just like. havs you ever looked something in the eyes before and regretted it #because you looked and you felt something eerie maybe too familiar or uncanny or simply unsettling #thats what this feels like #it feels like im getting uncanny valley with my *self*

[dockaspbrak]

you know, i dont know a single other person i could tell about this dmitri thing except my girlfriend and i basically just reeled her to opera after a lot of "no no its ok its not that serious its just pretty soap opera plotlines its nice its silly dont take it that seriously" for awhile ughguhtorroijg honestly its a shame im sorry if it seems pretentious i assure you its really not something im proud of liking i just think its silly and fun. like games youd play as a kid but if theres x100 the drama and a soundtrack made just for it. affairs and murders....i wish it was less held up as fancy and unreachable literally anyone could like it you dont need a degree or anything

#ive read fanfics more complicated than opera plots #alas......maybe i could talk my dad into it? no he barely wants to talk to me anyway #people who really like poetry probably get the feeling like. maybe its how earnest and emotional it is thats off putting #idk im clearly having some kind of weird feelings about this #personal #opera #shakespeare too shouldnt be perceived as so high and mighty to like but yet it is....even as english majors there was this cock of a girl #who was bragging about reading othello in middle school....like girl who cares but you definitely didnt understand it? no self awareness #fucking asshole god im so glad i never have to speak to her again she was the worst. had those black eyes like a doll and bright pale skin

[wildstar25]

For the first time in her career, Azem found herself with not a single soul by her side. Not even those she considered dear friends agreed with her. She was used to butting heads with the rest of the convocation members, but she could at least always count on the likes of Elidibus and Emet-Selch to see the reason in her unorthodox actions.

She had always been right. Every dream, every action, every whim; it had always lined up. Everything happens the way it's meant to. She saw fate as river, not unlike her original namesake. One can attempt to control it, divert it to their liking; but it will still flow. Streams elsewhere will dry, a dam will burst, and their precious fields will flood. Prolonging the inevitable was pointless. It was their turn to let the current swallow them. It was their fate to return to the depths that fed all of creation. In doing so the waters that carry them could carve in to the land itself, recreating their world for a people surely better than them. Her duty was to the people after all. Not just the people of today but the people of tomorrow too. It was her job to look out for their interests within that stuffy room.

That was but one of the many arguments she made while justifying her case. Emet did not take kindly to that. Neither did he (or Elidibus, for that matter) accept the proof of "a gut feeling". Typical. He'd truly grown to be quite the stick in the mud. Fine. He will find the rapids carry away what earth he clings to with ease. She left the meeting room with not a single connection unsevered. She sought out a mutual friend knowing he would understand; he always had. The frown on his face said otherwise, however. For the second time today Azem had been.... incorrect? No. That couldn't be true. She was not the one desperately gasping for air while defying the flow of fate. She was the only one with enough sense to embrace it! They were the foolish ones, not her!

Another connection severed. The last that she had. What was she without those she called her allies? Not "Azem". No, not anymore.

She was the fate they will try and fail to run from. The truth they will conceal from those they claim to serve. The voice they will say they had forgotten until the waters reaches their ears.

She was Lethe, she was oblivion.

#ffxiv #ffxiv azem #Azem posting #Lethe Nu #WOL posting #endwalker #shadowbringers spoilers #endwalker spoilers #is the water stuff too much? maybe! but at least im self aware about it :) #anyways I was just taking gposes and once again spaghetti falls out of my pockets #what do you do when you find out all your friends think differently than you? #double down on your own opinions obviously #she's terrible and i love her

[harthound]

Characters from a dream i had that i cant stop thinking about

#Im aware the dream guy looks like woIfwood he literally looked exactly like him in my dream LOL #The tl;dr is i was the werewolf guy and i was in a super futuristic cyber city #& I was a genetically modified human that they used like a sapient attack dog to intimidate or get rid of people the companies didnt like #The dude with the sunglasses was my handler #Seemed very detached but at his core he did seem to care for me like removin me from situations when he sensed i was getting stressed #Or ensuring i wouldnt be put in scenarios & jobs that were too dangerous #But my dream self chalked up him caring to maybe just him makin sure me as an ''asset'' wasnt getting damaged or killed bc i was proprietar #Anyways it was interesting and the character dynamic between werewolf & handler was super fascinating to me #misc #cy2k

[tunapesto]

picking a course makes me want to cry and throw up so bad

#this will set up the rest of my life im afraid #there are 2 viable courses. the others are too complex and will not benefit me in the long run #the two viable choices. one I have experience in bec its somewhat art related #and it has real jobs. but its real rare and kind of underappreciated here where i live #might be hard to apply for #and the other one. i have vague interest in #not much experience however it has great jobs and opportunities everywhere #overall i will learn More and gain more from it probably. its not the most annoying subject in the world #sorry i dont have any figures that i can ask in my life about it hahaha all they say is 'which one would you enjoy more' #ive been in a self aware depressive state for years now i have no real passion for anything #i just do the things i know i can do #i would enjoy either the same normal amount #one where i can hone and expand on an existing skill #and one where i can take up new opportunities and expand my brain . my tool belt if u will #and i would really like either #i will gnaw wood #sorry for oversharing on main this is an actual cry for help heehoo maybe someone out there is going thru the same thing or whatever #it's just a lot of irreversible wasted time and effort and money

[undefeatablesin]

OH! If you want can you tell us about your arcane hunter??? (I love arcane builds)

Ask Sin Stuff ✨️

Omg thank you for indulging me I would indeed love to talk about my arcane hunter actually 💅 I guess I'll start with the actual gameplay side of it because they were a total accident to be completely fair; at the beginning, I'd wanted to main the Blades of Mercy and focus on Skill, but found that a bit unfulfilling to play so I switched gears mid-run to invest mostly in Arcane instead with some Strength and Skill still thrown in for good measure. Rather unexpectedly for me who knows very little about builds and the like, they became an absolute powerhouse of a hunter and incredibly fun to run because of it 😂

Currently they main the Holy Moonlight Sword (with the BoM still equipped as their secondary since those have some Arc scaling anyway). They don't often need to use their Blunderbuss that much since HMS just destroys everything that breathes in its transformed state, but they have it anyway for parrying's sake! Their most often used Arcane tools are the Tiny Tonitrus, Augur of Ebrietas and A Call Beyond. As you can probably tell, we are most enthusiastic about the Tiny Tonitrus and its ability to just one shot annoying kin enemies from a distance 😂 Please enjoy some not so HQ images of my little menace ✨️How they got so bloody I dont remember, just that it felt metal af to walk around like that against the snowy white scenery of Cainhurst tbqh.

As for this hunter as a character, I kind of didn't have one in mind at first! This profile started as just a catalyst for a new playstyle initially. However, that has definitely since changed. They're still a relatively new and unpolished addition to my roster since the majority of my creative time is devoted to Ruza My Beloved, but I am pursuing an interesting??? Set of concepts for this hunter too lmao. This is probably not news to anyone who has been in the fandom longer than me, but I read recently about the blue eyed scourge beasts from UCW and was enlightened to the fact those were actually "ascendant" scourge beasts with kin-like qualities, such as being weak only to thrust damage; most likely created from members of the Choir who were steeped in the Arcane and rich with Insight by time the scourge got to them, hence they basically became a different strain of scourge beast. I also spied a reddit thread that proposed the idea of the abhorrent beast/suspicious beggar being able to freely control his transformations into his beastly self and that what primarily made this character unique was his complete acceptance of said self. A sort of Beastly Embrace, you might say? 🤭

So tl;dr, I am workshopping this character rn as an Arcane Beast hunter who can freely control their beast self and for that beast self to be modelled after the blue eyed kin-like scourge beasts. Perhaps a renegade member of the choir who turned against their faction? I haven't fully decided yet, but we will see 😤✨️ Oh, and their name (for rn anyway) is Aloysha.

#sinbox #(sorry i talk so much i have so many thoughts ANYWAY LOL THANK U BUDDY!!!!!!!!!) #(am i fully aware i am being self indulgent with this concept bc i am a weak ass for werewolves? yes ✨️) #(ill probably change their hair to black tho. to MATCH. the woofer.) #(take all this with a grain of salt tho bc i am indecisive af LOL) #(i did toy with the idea of them being a merc from outside of yharnam who was sent there to do someones dirty work and got dream'd) #(not 100% sure which option ill stick with yet!!!!) #(yes they are friends with ruza. they annoyingly demand scourge beast belly rubs) #(idk if they will ever appear on tumblr in any meaningful capacity MAYBE THO 😂) #(cant believe my court jester ass didnt even notice that bit about the werewolves tho smh. so much goes over my head....) #(i havent been here long im still catching up 😂 SO MANY INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS TO READ ABOUT!!!) #(i shall have to impart my own one day too....) #(the cosmic irony of me taking aloysha to farm chunks off the other blue eyed scourge beasts tho) #(aloysha vc: lol. lmao. pmsl even.)

[itsbrucey]

Got super stressed out so I started roasting garlic and now I'm less stressed out

#ssshhhhhh.... roasted garlic. ok? #so tired. under crunch. hate my job. garlic bread is the only solution i see at the moment. its 1am oh my god #naga glenn and garlic SAVE ME....SAVE ME GARLIC AND NAGA GLENN #Im having one of those weeks where like. im at a severe low point but im too self aware to let myself spiral atm so im cooking the pain away #tw personal #for safe measure bc mmmm...maybe a touch personal #might make myself.....a sandwich...as a yreat.....

[cryptojuice]

take this with a grain of extremely drunk but at this point I'm my journey? now? I'm like literally the idealest person in the world and I think everyone else has something wrong with them

#is it autism? is that why people don't just fuckin communicate with me? #my autistic superpower is im TOO GOOD at communicating and everyone else is behind me. #im already in the 'so how do we meet our needs' stage when other people are in the avoidance stage or the self awareness stage #idk. idk. fuckin tired of it #tired of games tired of excuses tired of IMMATURITY #tired of being more grown than people in their mid 30s. tired of being more grown than my parents in their mid 50s #tired of being the ONLY person i know ACTIVELY working on their flaws and making progress #maybe others are just working on things i dont notice and maybe others dont notice what im doing. but idk. people have seemed to notice. #is it because im becoming buddhist? am i like more fucking enlightened or something? #i would hope that wouldn't be the only thing causing such a disconnect cause that sounds fucking pretentious #im drunk cause i was upset. remember yhis if you're reading these tags #im not upset anymore cause i got drunk. and made a really good omelette #but yeah i feel so different from other people. so much better and also so much worse. hashtag paradox #best communicator deepest thinker most compassionate soul. also most horrible awful sinner #↑obsessed with the concept of sin in a fascinating way for someone who doesn't Believe in it #yes im a sinner yes im a real sex demon from hell no hell doesnt exist yes reincarnation is real yes i am buddhist yes i believe in ghosts. #i contain multitudes #anyways #i was supposed to *** ** ***** *** today and i didn't so I got grumpy i guess #i really need to practice the principles of detachment #I've gotten a lot better at patience and calm and meditation but i still care so much about inconsequential shit. enough to drink it away i #i should sleep i was trying to fix my sleep schedule the last two nights #but i don't want to. i want to drink and have fun and maybe cry #we'll see #doubt anyone is gonna read this it's mostly for me #gonna tag this #therapy #so i can find it if i need it #i just miss my girlfriend man. but she stood me up again without a word and it's disrespectful #and i know I'm gonna forgive her

[dragqueenpentheus]

the only way ive figured out how to stop feeling small and talentless is to just keep doing it anyway and so far????? not working will update in future

#I HATE WHEN REJECTIONS ALL COME IN AT ONCE AND I JUST WANNA QUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!! #irl #personal #lays down. like. #okay maybe ill never write anything life changing or make art that sticks w someone days after but like #could i make three hundred dollars of a contest. or be accepted into a shitty art fair people dont go to in my hometown and is held monthly #the thing is. i will always feel like a creative little fraud ????? #ive sold art in a gallery ive made like four sales on etsy ive had my work complimented by creatives who i admire #like. idk if it will ever be enough and feel like ive earned it a hundred percent #and people are meaning what they say and where they spend their money #Ough. who do i need to be complimented by to develop self esteem. who will change my life for me huh??????? #i do know i have to gain the confidence myself i am aware. however i must complain and whimper today #ill stop soon and keep trucking tomorrow #and submit to more places and maybe at some point get accepted into something #i get it way more with writing. im still getting mylegs under me. art though. art ive been working really hard for a really long time on. #so i think that hits a little harder #ANYWAY THIS IS VERGING ON TOO PERSONAL FR THIS BLOG #IM GUNNA ORDERFOOD IN AND RESET MYSELF