#you later on where it will hurt WORSE

[lovesickeros]

☆ lost in orbit

{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings violence [ implied ], unhealthy relationship {☆} word count 0.6k

She had resigned herself to apathy – to burying her love beneath the cold, hard soil and letting it rot amongst the graves of a long dead civilization, burned to ash in only a day. Yet how quickly it all fell apart in her hands, slipping through her fingers like sand, no matter how desperately she tried to cling to it.

Was she not diligent enough? Was she so weak that she faltered at the first person who showed her genuine trust and affection? Had all her work been for naught?

A part of her revolts – the same woman who watched the sky burn and the ground beneath her feet crumble into ash. It would be so easy to wrap her hands around your delicate throat, to squeeze until you finally saw her as the monster she knew she has always been.

Yet she doesn't think she could. The look of betrayal, of fear..oh, it would ruin her, she knows.

Perhaps that makes her weak. Perhaps you have made her weak.

Perhaps she does not mind as much as she should.

You trust her, after all – enough to sleep in her bed like she couldn't just kill you before you ever knew what was happening to you. Your body was so..fragile, in this mortal shell you descended in. How easy it would be to snuff out your life, here and now.

Yet she doesn't.

Instead, she looks at you like an old lover – with all the love of a woman who had died in the ashes of a dying civilization, of a woman who thought she could love no longer. Emotions she fought so hard to suppress well up in her chest and fill the empty space where she knows her heart should beat. Try as she might – and oh, how she tries – she can never quite stem the affection that consumes her every waking moment when she sees you.

It is like an addiction that she cannot rid herself of, no matter how she tries. She always finds herself back at square one – back to you.

Her hand lingers against your cheek, undue affection filling the empty spaces in her chest until she feels like cannot breathe. She traces her hand along your jaw, her vision narrowed on the softness of your lips.

Yet that same thought rises unbidden to the forefront of her thoughts. Love was a dangerous thing – you both knew that. To let it fester and rot her from within..she would be throwing her plans out the window, and for what?

Because she was too weak? Because the affection and trust in your eyes whenever your looked at her made her feel whole, like she was more then just an Archon playing God with the fate of the world?

You do not even stir as her thoughts toil like a brewing storm. She swallows the lump in her throat, removing her hand like she'd just touched a piece of hot metal. A part of her still screams that it's for the best, that you've corrupted her enough, torn apart her plans in the span of a week, a mere blink in time..

But it goes silent as she leans in, pressing her lips to your cheek. She will not let the thought fester, tonight – she will let herself be weak, if only for another day. If only to covet the affection that she finds herself drowning in for just another day.

And when you stir, she pretends that she had never thought of it at all, that she has only ever known love with you. Even if her heart that does not beat leaves a stabbing pain in her chest in the agony of knowing that even this is futile..

She lets you wake, let's the recognition and the affection fill your vision until she is all you see – two stars locked in orbit, unable to break away.

And when the day comes that you collide, she will be holding the blade that drives into your chest, and she will know nothing but love when she does.

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #tsaritsa #fellas is it gay to think abt murdering ur lover bc u love them so much #everyone hcing that her lover died in khaenri'ah but what if she killed them.. #tsaritsa killing her lover so they dont have to walk down the same path and suffer the consequences when celestia retaliates>>> #tsaritsa killing her lover bc to her them dying is better then living and she refuses to let them be corrupted by going down the same path #i just think shes a little silly!!! a little goofy!!!! i forgive her #theres just smth abt tragic lesbians and also tragic lesbians whose tragedy is one of their own making #yknow :) #but at the SAME TIME. her lover dying and wanting her to move on and LIVE but shes so spiteful shes willing to destroy herself to #destroy celestia. she doesnt care abt what happens to her bc if her lover isnt there with her then what does it matter? she has nothing lef #to lose. #characters who become their lover would hate bc living in a world without them is agony>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> #also i only tagged unhealthy relationship bc the tsaritsa is. unhinged but shes actually v normal in the relationship #she loves u!!!! and shes a good lover!!! she just thinks abt killing u sometimes bc she loves too much and its easier to kill u now vs lose #you later on where it will hurt WORSE #also bc smth smth she thinks itll make it hurt less if she kills you vs someone else bc she would actually LOSE IT if someone hurt u #spoilers it does not and she spirals and is haunted by what shes done and constantly tries to lie to herself to justify it. it does not wor #did i scare off the normal ppl w this one.......maybe!!!!! #i meant morally grey at best when i said morally grey at best!! #crawls back into my ditch okay im shutting up now

[the-cosmos-withinus]

Shadow Puppets AU

Hey~o, I’m Dollie, my twin sister and I just finished watching the Owl House a week ago and started an AU rp on our private discord, but I made this blog to share little crumbs here and there, some writing, some art, if people are interested I might post big lore dumps but here are some basics

The Collector’s tablet has been hidden in the Human Realm, and was initially found by priest from Gravesfield who buried the tablet believing that a being of great Evil was inside it, 

It was later uncovered by young Philip Wittebane, who is at first wary of the legends about the Devil in the Woods, but after hearing the Collector speak of living in the stars with his siblings, Philip comes to believe that what he’s found is actually an Angel

They quickly become friends, and play together a lot, their first real bonding experience being to make shadow puppets on the wall (hence Shadow Puppets AU)

Since the only people who can hear or see the Collector are people who have touched the Tablet, their antics are usually chalked up as Philip’s imagination as a lonely kid

However the Collector can also momentarily manifest and affect things in the physical plain, such as catching Philip when he falls out of a tree, or scaring away wolves, which has led to divisive whispers that he either has a Guardian Angel or has summoned a demon

Years later when Caleb leaves for the Demon Realm with Evelyn he takes the Collector’s Tablet with him, having been warned that there is a dangerous entity from the Demon Realm trapped inside

there’s more to this AU that extends into Philip’s adult life, and the Belos Era and more stuff about his childhood friendship with the Collector (who Philip names in this AU, it’s so cute) but I only promised the basics, I’ll elaborate later if there’s interest

#The Owl House #Shadow Puppets AU #Philip Wittebane #Emperor Belos #TOH Collector #You know those aus that are safe and wholesome where nobody gets hurt and everyone's happy? #this isn't one of those #Despite the cute premise of Philip and the Collector having a Genuine friendship (and later Belos actually loving Hunter) #that kind of makes the situation worse for everyone #They're evil besties

[snekdood]

if ppl telling you "jewish ppl in israel were already kicked out of other countries and have no where else to go" makes you feel compelled to call whoever said that a "zionist", I really just dont think you give af about jewish ppl's lives quite frankly.

if your "free palestine" means "getting rid" of all jewish civilians in israel I think you're probably just a heartless asshole.

#two state solution ftw #or at least something along those lines #yelling at average jewish ppl who ARENT in israel is antisemitic #anti semitism- no matter how 'big of a deal' you think it is naturally makes jewish ppl feel unsafe by default #where do they go when theres nowhere else thats safe? you guessed it- probably to israel. #which is WHAT netanyahu wants. he wants scared controllable civilians to think hes the only one who can protect them #so you being anti semitic and not checking yourself on it or being 'whatever its nbd' about it is making everything so much worse #STOP BEING SO FUCKING APATHETIC FUCK ILL BEAT YOU UP TO MAKE YOU FEEL SOMETHING IF I HAVE TO #i dont feel like i can in good conscious reblog your 'free palestine' posts bc idk wtf the op thinks about jewish ppl being in #israel. and at this point i dont have faith in leftists to not notice the antisemitism in some of these ppl and call it out #its not something we can 'push aside and deal with and apologize for later' its ACTIVELY MAKING THE SITUATION WORSE AND NEEDS #TO BE ADDRESSED RIGHT THE FUCK NOW #maybe jewish ppl wouldnt be calling it 'self defense' if yall didnt keep being antisemitic and making them feel like they have to cling #to israel to stay tf alive. fuck. #OBVIOUSLY the response to what hamas did is disproportionate and affecting more people than israel says it intends to target #but thats the govt. and actual regular people are worried about their families. its disproportionate and probably being used as an excuse #to genocide palestinians but this wouldnt be happening if hamas didnt basically GIVE the israeli govt the excuse to do it. #free palestine. from hamas and from the israeli govt. and dont have genocidal intent toward jewish ppl. #thats all i want. #hamas' escalation did nothing but hurt everyone and make things worse especially for palestinians.

[rotisseries]

alright im giving in im finally asking. what in the everloving fuck is narines

HIIIII HELENA honestly I'm so glad you asked I think you'd love them but BASICALLYYYYY one of my mutuals, hella, @tbos-main, has this really cool original fantasy wip, the blood of serpents, which I am OBSESSED with so I do fandom post about it like any other media, and two of the characters are nate and rin. well. naithairan and herines technically but I'm on nickname basis with them. and I can explain tbos in more detail but since you asked about narines specifically, they are two characters who are very much on opposing sides of the central conflict and in a way that IS irreconcilable like. it has to be genuine all consuming hate it's bad. but they're also narrative foils and parallels and whatnot and outside of the main ideological difference in regards to the central conflict, they are very similar people in a very fucked up way, they're both martyr figures with a lot of religious themes, they both have had to learn the language of violence well, they both are willing to go to unfathomably low depths of morality and monstrousness in the pursuit of protecting the people they love, they're both incredibly calculating and callous, and so they have this INSANEEE dynamic that is very much "I see me in you I see everything I hate about myself in you I need to kill you because I need to be killed but yet I cannot kill you because that would be like taking a knife to myself and we recognize each other deeply and intimately in a very specific way no one else can and I HATEE you for it" and so like. they should fuck about that. obviously.

#and they are NOT CANON I SHOULD WARN. IT STARTED AS A JOKE BECAUSE THEY ARE SO INCOMPATIBLE AS A GENUINE SHIP #CANNOT BE IN THE SAME ROOM AS EACH OTHER. #but the GREATTT thing about their homoeroticism is that violence is like. chill to both of them #like they're both trying to hurt each other as much as possible they're trying to break each other #but neither of them is greatly affected by violence. so the way they choose to break each other instead #is that very occasionally in these homoerotic and non canon scenes #there will be a touch of gentleness. there's a scene where nate bites rin HARD and draws blood but he kisses first #and rin FREAKS out he's like “don't you DARE.” #and then the vivisection. where rin literally unironically gently talks nate through having a HAND DIGGING IN HIS GUTS🫶 #many such cases #and that touch of gentleness is too much from the worst person on earth who you hate so much #and it's worse than violence to them it's worse than violence to experience that from each other #which is just. SO INTERESTING THEY ARE SO INTERESTINGGGG #I'm assuming you mostly asked this though cause of my tags on that post I rbed from you #so as for THAT #hella has a bit of saying she hates this ship so much and one time #she said basically “dark tbosmaucu is the only universe where narines absolutely couldn't happen thank god” #and then later at some point basically jokingly said it's cause they're medicated in that one #(medicated as in. nate self medicates. with hard drugs.) #and dark tbosmaucu btw is the acronym for “dark the blood of serpents modern au cinematic universe” #cinematic universe both because that's always a funny joke and because we do genuinely have like 6 or 7 versions of tbos modern aus #and the dark one is just basically modern au but you go really ham on the tragic backstory like aftg levels of what the actual fuck #which theoretically should bring the levels of trauma in the modern au the closest to how they exist in canon #and yet. hella shut down narines in that universe😔 #anywayyyy. sorry I leave incomprehensible tags on your posts do you still think I'm hot😘 #ask #miseria-fortes-virios #hi helena!

[godblooded]

i just gotta say peoples' obsessions with writing toxic relationships just concerns the shit outta me on this hellsite.

#ooc. your local bodega kat. #[everyone: i love complex relationships! what everyone means: couples fighting is normal! so if they're horrendous to each other #sometimes it's normal!! #couples fight like... of course. it's unhealthy NOT to fight. but there's a level where it's....uhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHH and some of what's said #or done that people condone on here is wild. if i had a nickel for every time i saw someone say their character was a wonderful spouse and #then display like 10 reasons why they're covertly emotionally or verbally abusive. the rpc has such a tendency to refer to dv in one #specific term when it comes to ic ships and it's always physical but everything else is 'complex' and man that's worrying. see also: why #i was taught in grad school never to teach streetcar with marlon brando because students excuse him immediately due to his looks and his #bullshit angst. it's alarming as fuck. coming from parents who were sometimes physically abusive (to me and each other) like... this also #needs to be recognized in self-critical media. there's so much shit that needs evaluating. and it's not like i've never written a toxic #ship. i wrote the fucking WORST on at one point because i was too chickenshit to get alana out of it. and it ended in her being DESTROYED. #you know. like those kind of relationships tend to end in. like. my ex-father beat the fuck out of a dude in a bar who hit on my mom and #then when he found out the guy died a day later it was military or jail and he went military. and then my mom took him BACK. this is REAL #LIFE SHIT. writing it is virtually incredibly depressing and writing it without making clear it's fucked up is worse. whether you've been #through it or not. in that case: why even. shit hurts enough when you go through it. why would you want to vicariously go through it #being a fake person if there was no way to turn the outcome through healing and positive growth. sorry for being an optimist basically.] #domestic violence mention / #domestic abuse mention / #abuse mention / #murder mention / #[i'm just thinking back on the most toxic fucking verse i ever had and how glad i am said person and i no longer speak.]

[craycraybluejay]

Randomly a post I made in October is blowing up-- hi random peoples who like my good awesome take.

Anyway. I woke up at 4 and i cant sleep and my tummy hurts and i would bet you five whole dollars (im stingy and poor, fuck off) that it was from a nightmare im lucky not to remember and if i fall asleep again i will. like ik i need sleep to function but this shit is stupid and i feel well rested enough to do the important stuff. maybe i should habitually start smoking a little weed before bed-- it (usually) prevents dreams or at least remembering them. excaberated psychotic symptoms vs. ptsd. yay exciting choices. yknow what would really fix it tho. personally destroying the monsters who did that shit -_-. then if i had any "nightmares" it'd be bloody revenge and well then those arent nightmares theyre affectionate mental retellings. happy little dreams. a gory menagerie of evil. yeah yeah violence isnt justice blah blah but if healing requires forgiveness like you say it does then i dont want to heal-- i want to get even. i dont forgive what happened. it was needlessly cruel, an unnecessary abuse of power, and so deeply fucked up that it feels like it came straight out of one of those horror movies people vomit at. i dont forgive the "people" that made it happen, and i don't forgive the people who allowed it to happen, either. i don't forgive you for not caring enough and i don't forgive me for not being wise enough and adult enough at the time to get out of it but most of all i do not forgive the ones who directly did that and the knowing bystanders. god, i hate the bystanders. closing their eyes, shrugging their shoulders, "there's nothing i can do." there always is. sure yeah you think im so cool you care about me so much where the FUCK were you????? why should i feel bad for having to make Me or You decisions to survive. you looked the other way when it was just my survival vs. your biases and simple life. why should i hesitate to be selfish for my life when you're selfish for much less. and why am *I* the villain for wanting to eat and have a roof over my head and be treated with dignity and not be sick anymore but you're not for having all that with ease and still wanting to take more and give nothing? what in the world is the point of your power and nice things if all you do is hoard it and ignore everyone? even people you supposedly "love." i still don't forgive you. you could have at least tried. why are you entitled to protection and safety but i'm not. why are you entitled to your human rights and i'm not. why is it that you're so okay with this ugly picture. and you know what? i'd still burn the village to get you out of the hell i was in when you wouldn't lift a finger for me. because love is stupid like that. real love. anything less is cute bullshit.

#delete later #yes i will eternally resent you for not saving me #i didnt expect it from Them #but i was stupid enough to really expect it from you. to really believe you would #because you love me-- right? #because you don't want preventable horrible things to happen to me-- right? #i don't know what to believe anymore #the memories are coming back and i don't remember a single living breathing person who lifted a finger to help me #i just remember pain. and fear. and hopelessness. horror. terror. all of it #i remember pain. and not just the mental. sickness. hunger. the advancement of my illness from what it was before to what it is now #my body remembers when i forget #the stomach issues used to be not as bad. i still struggled but i could eat and i had some skin on my bones #after. well #after what happened it got so much worse #my body stopped trying to fix itself at all. everything hurts #eating hurts. not eating hurts. when i get anxious i want to hurl my entire stomach lining #i cant fix my illness but revenge will be a dish that doesn't hurt at all #and wouldn't it be nice to have one meal-- one day-- where it didn't hurt at all #i miss before. i miss when i could be scared of horror #i miss what it felt like to eat. it felt so good i think. i can barely remember now #mostly i miss not having this ambient paranoia whenever i talk to anyone or go anywhere or even really touch the internet at all in any way #it will happen again #is what it tells me. they want it to. stay away from them. #dont look at them dont talk to them but most importantly dont be yourself #no-- not that version of yourself either. none of them #they don't care about you. they just want their easy ignorant life and will happily sell you out #i'm tired. #i could settle for a lonely little life but i cant even have that because thats also Bad and also something i apparently #Deserve to be hurt over. i Deserve it see so its fine to do that to a human being #as it turns out the only animal without a soul is human

[pepprs]

my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm

#purrs #delete later #also she’s guilt tripping me into coming to the stupid fucking potluck on sunday bc she needs the extra help and it’s like… what are you #gonna do when i move out. like i am a grown woman and i should be able to choose how i spend my two precious weekend days. and my dad is a #grown man and he should be able to choose where he works. like is that not a little bit insane. i get it but also….. i do think it s kind of #fucked ip that it’s her way or the highway and her needs take priority over all of ours and she’s asking us to bend to what she wants when #she wants it. like i get it bc she’s sick but it’s not fair for her to expect that from my dad especially. particularly when me and my #brother are back at work / school in more high risk environments than my dad who would be in a private office alll day. and the thing is no #one is brave enough to all her on it bc if we did it would be the END of the world. she even threw a fit on my dads bday and complained bc #the things he wanted to do were things she didn’t want to do like all the man wanted to do was go mini golfing and when that wasn’t good #enough he just wanted to go on a walk and my mom complained the whole time and also scoffed the movie he wanted to watch and said it was #boring and it’s like… wtf it’s HIS birthday??? but what do you expect from the woman who (and in fairness her friends got her these as gifts #but still) has TWO kitchen items that say some variation of ‘a marriage is when one is always right and the other is always the husband’ 💀 #i look at that little plaque every night bc it’s in front of the sink when im doing dishes and it makes me so fucking angry. like my dad is #a whole fucking person and he can be right too and he deserves to make choices and be happy and not have his wife put him down all the time. #idk. and she puts down his family all the time too and complains when he wants to do the most reasonable things for his own enjoyment that #don’t align with hers and criticizes his interests all the time and it just sucks to see. he never shows hurt or anything so idk how he #feels about it but it makes me so angry and sad and when i tell her to stop she just lashes out at me so. 🤪. like how do we get her to stop #making her needs more important than everyone else’s bc… she may be our mom / his wife / whateger but that doesn’t make her queen. no one is #(andalso this has only gotten worse bc of covid / her being sick. like this has been a lifelong thing it’s just it’s a lot worse now bc the #circumstances gave her room / forced her to have to take up more space. and it’s just so frustrating. i get it. but none of us are pawns or #dolls or subordinates or anything. there’s 5 adults here and we should all be able to make choices and not be guilt tripped by her. lol #)

[malikselfindulgence]

Worsties of all time I need them grinded to fine dust and then inhaled by a whale

[Template under the cut]

#durianshipping #malik'll makenone 4 him and mei when she's like fronting #oc: Morshid lmk #u dont know how long i stared at the selfishness vs selflessness for a good or bad cause box for swk #almost all of this is them being unreliable narrators btw . theyre so stupid #they gain respect for each other later on after morshid sees swk put himself in danger for MK but it starts out garbage #the thing is morshid's feelings for swk change before swk's except he doesnt reallh say anything that could signify this #so theres a period of time where morshid like . DOESNT hate swk and doesnt understand why swk hates him #meanwhile swk is getting the MOST bizarre signals thrown at him he thought they had a dynamic going and suddenly that's Not Happening #and he doesnt know what to do w it #and swk like TRIES to match the spirit but it just makes Morshid mean again [Morshid doesn't expect kindness and Therefore nice gestures are #false and violent in nature. he is being kind to give me false hope and make it hurt worse] so theyre like . back at square zero #and they dont really want to fight anymore but what else do they have . screaming doesn't feel good anymore. hurting you just hurts me too #now . but how can they stray out of this and into something new and unfamiliar and terrifying?? #kings of zero communication despite preaching communication . ♡ I love them i want them dead #self shipping #self ship #oc x canon

[caruliaa]

i hate tht so much of my life has been me begging others to care about me the way theyre supposed to . i hate that instead of wishing i didnt have to i wish that for once theyd say yes

#aggh. tfw when u start talking more w ur parents esp ur mother who have deeply traumatised you in the past #and who you dint know if u can rly forgive even if they did ever apologixd #they r at least currently being rly nice and somewhat supportive #and you really need that rn after the most important person to u ended ur friendship with them #but then u think abt spending more time with them and do spend more time with them and enjoy it #and then u think aby how one day u r gonna give them they im queer accept it or bye #and you know they arent going to based on past reactions so it is def bye #but you realise ur starting to reach a point again where losing them from yr life is gonna be rly painful #and you dont know what to do bc its not that u cant stay in the closet for tht long #bc u can happily but u dont wanna like. come out and face tht regection later when it hurts more bc u got more attached #got just. fewlings r so stupid why do i like. care about anyone. all its ever gotten me is pain and hurt #its only ever made things worse caring sm i just wish i could turn it off #flappy rambles

[thethingything]

I love listening to M and 🍬 interacting specifically in the context of M doing his job as a caretaker, because half the interactions are just stuff like "stop being such a self-sacrificial wanker and let me help you" "fuck off you judgemental cunt" and from an outside perspective you'd think they hate each other, but no, they both just think this is absolutely hilarious and they're having the time of their lives using the world's shittest communication style

#personal #thoughts #Lucy post #they're both very careful not to say something anything genuinely hurtful and the whole thing is done as a joke #like they're very aware of each other's boundaries and they do check to make sure they've not upset each other #but it's less outright saying ''is this okay'' and more just that we can all feel each other's emotions so they just pay attention to that #which means when they've co-fronted and spoken back and forth on discord for an hour and you look back it looks a lot worse #compared to actually watching them doing this where you can also tell they're having fun #anyway we were getting ready for bed and I just watched them doing this while talking about how to deal with our dentist appointment later #because M normally handles medical appointments for us

[orcelito]

And here I am awake again

Life goes on

#speculation nation #you can have one of the most painful and miserable nights of your life. & then you wake up and it's a new day. #and your head hurts and your bed is one cat less full #it's less miserable than after sammy. at least marginally. because i do still have tally. #but i keep expecting to hear my garble boy meowing for breakfast upon hearing me awake #he was so much more aware than sammy was right before putting him down. which kinda makes it feel worse. #he didnt have hope for a happy life. it would've been expensive and miserable. and he was Already miserable. #but that was my boy. he was awake and purring as i showered him with as much love as physically possible #so it feels like i killed him. i know there wasnt any other choice but i killed him. and he had no way to know what was happening. #he was feeling shitty. then out of nowhere i grabbed him and put him in a box where he was poked and prodded at by strangers #and then hours later i came back. he was still in a strange place but i was there. so he was purring. #and then another strange person came in. started touching him. and then that was it. #i have a reinforcement of the bad association for cat tongue sticking out. both sammy and cassy ended up with theirs out. #a cat blep is much less cute if it makes you think about how your boys looked when they died. #suffice to say. i started crying while typing these tags. thats cry number 15 i guess. #it just sucks. it really really sucks. #animal death ment/ #negative/

[spontaneousglitterbees]

so im working on an ask rn and started doing some drawings but its taking longer than anticipated so i might (?) pare down what i first thought of and come back to it

#delete later #personal #tldr i see you and am grateful and delighted you asked #kinda want to just. vent in the tags a little but its disconnected from au stuff nothing too terrible dw but #the issues with my bad shoulder/arm are getting worse? like the circulation issues are p damn apparent #i feel like i should get over myself and go in about it but im afraid ill be shrugged off again #bc *technically* its not *obviously visibly* impaired but #if i dont KT tape it i feel like i need to scream #my nerves are the kind of fucked where it doesnt “hurt” like acute pain hurts #its more 'ive become very irritable and cant single out why' #which is why i wanted to see a doc thats had autistic patients and might get that the 1-10 scale is meaningless to me #but unfortunately instead of that they put my full-grown ass in pediatric and tried to treat stuff im not diagnosed with #and i am scared of paperwork bc im a coward #so its probably going to continue to get worse until i bite the bullet #shoves head into wall. AaAAaaH

[chelseasdagger]

.

#idk if y’all know what an overgrowth of bismuth in your body does but i’m gonna type it out cause i’m feelin some typa way #and obviously ignore this pfff i’m just angy #you guys know the brand pepto bismol or whatever the hell it’s called outside of the states idk it’s that pink shit that tastes gross but #you take it when you have disgrstive problems or nausea of whatnot #so i have to take it quite pretty often because of my intestines being fucked and general anxiety making my stomach pains worse #but here’s the kicker #now whenever i take it - and this didn’t use to happen before - when i wake up the next day or look a few hours later #my whole tongue is black like this layer of film on it #and i know like gosh chelsea it’s not that big of a deal #it’s not but all it does is remind me of WHY i have such a build up of this product inside of me that it turns my tongue black after ONE #dose when i haven’t taken it in two or three months #and it makes me sad because he’s already messed up other parts of me and i don’t want to be touched #and when i see my tongue all i can think about is the weeks after it all happened and i kept taking more and more medicine because my #anxiety was making my stomach hurt so badly it was just in pain #i now recognize it as guilt and that i blamed myself for what happened #but i know now it wasn’t my fault. i don’t think it was #but anyway yeah just… wanted to get that off my chest #i hate that man for what he did to my brain but also the one thing the one medicine i had that was a comfort to me is now also ruined #because of mornings like these #where i try not to gag as i brush the back of my tongue and get that layer of blackness off #and it’s mornings like these i get angry at him #shut up chelsea #< the one time i truly need the tag PFFF

[hecksupremechips]

The most validating thing about having a brother in law is sometimes I’ll make a comment about my parents being kinda horrible and he’ll just be like "DUDE FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT IVE BEEN THINKING THIS THE WHOLE TIME BUT DIDNT KNOW HOW TO ADDRESS IT"

#the klock keeps ticking #like i remember about 2 years ago when it really clicked with me that my parents were worse than i let myself believe #i had like covid and so to be safe i completely isolated myself in my room and only came out when no one was around #or with a mask on just to get food or use the bathroom that was it #and like when i had mostly recovered i stopped isolating and i looked around and noticed huh the house is kinda a hot mess #and i realized it was because i was the one who kept up with like basic cleaning and making sure things were in order #so like a little bit later i was in the car with my sister and brother in law and i was talking about this #and i was like ‘i think ive realized our parents are kinda unable to take care of themselves without me doing it for them’ #and my BIL was like IM SO GLAD YOU FINALLY NOTICED THIS HAS BEEN DRIVING ME CRAZY FOR YEARS #which was just so validating i was like okay so im not just being an ass like this is an actual problem #and idk a more recent thing that maybe uh. made me a little bit emotional was we were basically at a cool place where you can climb shit #and he was just kinda there helping me when it seemed i was gonna lose balance to make sure i didnt get hurt #as well as my sister too and i was like oh god is this was like. basic affection feels like??? #is this what it feels like to have someone care like actually kinda give a fuck about your safety and well being??? #so yeah i maybe am still not okay with that and still dont know how to feel anymore 😭 #so i guess even though hes stinky and i like to bully him I GUESS hes actually a pretty cool guy and he does make my sister happy and he #treats her with respect and hes very good with their cat so yeah maybe i actually really appreciate him and care more about him #than i do my parents and most people in my family #but i cant say that cuz then itll like. go straight to his head 🥺 #and he still wont play pokepark 2 with me even though he PROMISED its been like 4 years since he said that and WE STILL HAVENT PLAYED IT 👺👺👺

[sheepston]

Ngl talking about people getting banned & how the staff on fight rising handle bans a lot of the time always makes me anxious cos, way back when, I was the Internet Hub for a bunch of my irl friends whose families couldn’t afford data (aus net was SO BAD and expensive) & they could ONLY play at my house or via my phone & like. I absolutely would not put it past my old abuser* (who knew this) to try and dress up the fact they gave me in-game shit to pay for art commissions as “SEE she’s multi-accounting!!” like. Ough.

The worst part is I can’t even reassure myself that this is an irrational fear cos they have done some NASTY things to people before out of spite and were a chronic liar who frequently sent me faked screenshots to try and isolate me from my friends

#*actually a dangerous sex offender who has run targeted harassment again asexuals and trans women #not to mention that according to rumours ive heard from people who’ve passed them by theyre burning through friends at a rapid rate #which means their behaviour hasnt changed and has probably gotten worse #i still worry that theyre gonna make accounts on something and pretend to be me to cause problems for me #and i absolutely would not put it past them to see that i still love playing fr and then try to take it from me #also no i wont name them they know where i live and they are DANGEROUS dangerous so sorry #idk if theyre active on fr anymore cos i do NOT check on them but also nobody in the fr community here ever mentions/tags/reblogs from/etc #them so i dont think that theres a risk of anyone here stumbling across them #and tbh youre all so lovely i feel like if you DID see them you’d all be like ‘JESUS christ’ and auto-block their freak ass #anyway uhhh idk where i was going with this i just get kinda?? triggered by things that remind me of their behaviours and how they might #try and hurt me even now years later and it freaks me out a lot #personal #vent #negative

[batshit-auspol]

I just spent some time scrolling through this blog and am suffering from sever laughter. Thanks so much for collating the countries craziest moments. One of my favourites is when Scott Morrison was in Hawaii while the bushfires where burning.

December 2019: As Australia's east coast is engulfed in the worst bushfires in living memory, rumours begin to circulate that Australia's Prime Minister Scott Morrison may have secretly fucked off for a holiday in Hawaii.

Keep in mind, this is what is going down in Australia at the time:

The Hawaii rumour is initially written off as a fringe conspiracy, because surely nobody could be that fuckin tonedeaf, and it was quickly forgotten about... until an Australian man visiting Hawaii UPLOADED A SELFIE ON THE BEACH WITH THE PM THROWING A SHAKA.

At which point all hell broke loose.

Overnight the formerly popular "Scomo" became the most despised man in all of Australia. Think "firefighters shouting out of their windows to news cameras" level of despised.

After about two days of radio silence and pretending like he was still at home running the country, the Prime Minister's handlers finally dragged him onto call with an Australian radio station, where he pinky promised to return to Australia as fast as he could in an attempt to calm things down.

Unfortunately Scott's empathy consultant (a real job) then had to watch Scott pour more gasoline on the dumpster fire by uttering the now famous phrase "Look I don't hold a hose mate" when asked by the radio interviewer why the fucking fuck the fuckhead wasn't fucking in Australia doing his fucking job during a massive fucking crisis.

Testing just how much worse things could get, Scomo then proceeded to NOT rush back to Australia as promised, instead attempting to complete the rest of his holiday, a fact that was exposed when a passerby snapped a picture of him still lounging on the beach two days later.

Eventually, holiday complete, Morrison did reluctantly slink back to Australia, and in an attempt to calm things down, he decided to pay a visit to a small town that had been destroyed by the fires.

Which was a big mistake.

Scomo still had not registered how absolutely and totally he had screwed the poodle with his Hawaiian beach vacation, and he walks into what is now taught in PR classes as one of the greatest examples of "what not do do in a crisis" in all of history.

Scotty from Marketing, as he is now dubbed by the nation, spends a painfully cringe-inducing hour wandering around a burned down town with TV news cameras in tow, having to FORCE PEOPLE TO SHAKE HIS HAND in what is some of the most awkward footage you will ever see.

At this point it's probably also worth mentioning that, before becoming Prime Minister, Scott Morrison's biggest claim to fame in politics was being the guy that was so far up the coal lobby's arse that he literally brought coal into parliament and waved it around, claiming it doesn't hurt people.

So when a protest was organised it turned out to be one big national fuck you to the Prime Minister, the likes of which the world has never seen before or since.

Needless to say, at this point Scomo's career was dead in the water, but thanks to the rules brought in to stop Australian political parties from knifing their leader every two weeks (a popular Aussie passtime) Morrison basically couldn't get fired until after the next election.

And so, when the election rolled around in 2022, we decided that was an opportune time to travel over to Hawaii to erect this bad boy tribute to the Prime Minister, on the very beach where Scomo had sat and drank margaritas that one fateful week in December as Australia burned (thanks to @chaser for funding the ticket)

#australia #auspol #history #scomo #hawaii