#feels about it but it makes me so angry and sad and when i tell her to stop she just lashes out at me so. 🤪. like how do we get her to stop

[acewritesfics]

Sweetheart | Tommy Shelby 

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x wife!reader

Request: No

Warnings: The word whore being used a few times. A threat made.

Word Count: 640

Tommy Shelby Masterlist | Main Masterlist

Tommy enters his office and is taken aback to see his wife seated behind his desk, wearing a displeased look on her face. He lights his 6th cigarette for the day and moves to stand near the windows, knowing that whatever is about to unfold cannot be good. Her eyes follow his every move as she remains quiet waiting for him to speak first.

"I suppose I should ask if everything is well, but I have a feeling it would only anger you further," he says, observing her as she stares at him. "So why don't you tell me what I've done wrong so we can sort it out?" 

She continues to scowl at him, saying, "I know you are willing to do anything to get what you want, I just never thought I would have to witness it." 

His expression remains stoic, revealing nothing about what he's thinking or feeling. 

"Imagine now my amazement when I saw every man's favorite whore with her hands all over my husband only to see him do nothing about it. He seemed to be encouraging it." 

Tommy could see the sadness and the hurt in her eyes. He didn't miss the way her voice became strained at the end. It hurt his heart to know that it was his own foolish impulsive acts that caused her feel this way. But he could see she wasn't done talking. He remains silent, knowing that trying to apologise before she finishs would only make matters worse. 

"But instead of simply confronting you, I went and confronted her," she confesses. 

Tommy struggles to conceal his smirk. Y/N's headstrong personality causes her to protect what belongs to her and causes her to make sure people knew where she stands and where they stood. If he could be possessive over her, than so can she when it comes to him. Tommy was hers - him being the father to her three children, her husband and the love of her life - and she wasn't about to let anyone forget it. It's one of the many things Tommy loves about her. 

"Don't worry, she said you merely used her for information. That you flirted a little, got her hopes up, and that was the end of it," Her eyes never leave his while a smirk appears on her lips. She trusted him not to go any farther than flirting. It was the whores she was wary about. Her lover before Tommy was always persuaded by them . When they first started their relationship, she made it clear to Tommy that adultery would not be tolerated. 

"And what did you tell her?" Tommy enquired, slightly amused by her possessiveness. Y/N didn't typically take such action, but he admires that she was willing to confront anyone who threatened their family and marriage, even if it was against a lady of the night. 

"I told her, if she touches you with her filthy little hands again, I'll cut 'em off," she confidently tells him. 

"Sweetheart," he said not bothering to hide the small smirk that's forming, his head shaking side to side. "After all these years, you still surprise me with your words." 

"How else are those whores meant to know I won't tolerate them trying to seduce you?" She wonders aloud as he rounds the desk, standing in front of her. 

He pulls her up from the chair, lifting her to sit on his desk as he stands between her legs. "What if I need information from them? I can't have them scared of me." 

"Then you get someone else to do your dirty work," she tells him. "Preferably someone who isn't married." 

He smiles and kisses her, knowing she's no longer angry at him. "I love you." 

"I love you too," she replies pulling him closer to kiss him again. 

#acewritesfics repost #peaky blinders #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders x reader #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby #tommy shelby

[sciderman]

ARE WE AFFIRMING YOUR GENDER?! IS THAT WHAT WE’RE DOING?!

Sci, first of all, I’m so sorry your dad said that listing your pronouns is embarrassing. It’s 2024. What’s embarrassing is being a parent who cares more about what other people think of them than what their child thinks of them. People don’t have to understand you, they don’t even have to agree with you, but if someone says they love you, the least they can do is make the attempt to show you they respect your identity as an individual person. I know this is particularly difficult for parents sometimes but it’s not impossible. I sincerely hope that someday your dad realizes how spectacular you are and how lucky he is to have the opportunity of knowing and loving someone as truly kind, funny, and generous as you are.

Second of all, LET’S GIVE ANOTHER SHOUT OUT TO THOSE PRONOUNS. Oooo I like the way you wear he/him. It’s loud, it’s rebellious, it’s confident, it’s authentic! It’s everything those angry white boys with podcasts WISH they were! You are entering your “boys will be boys” era and it’s covered in bright colors, zany patterns, sequins, and ATTITUDE.

I am so fucking proud of you for taking this big scary step into being your true self and laying it bare before the world. Just last night I was thinking about how one of the reasons I was so miserable in my 20s was because when I was around 21/22 I went back into the closet to make myself “more palatable” for the people around me. Less confusing for them. Less work for them. And I’ll never actually know what experiences I lost when I lost myself. I’ll never know what I could have done, the opportunities and stories and memories I missed out on because I was only living as half a person. I’m back on track now though, and the good news for you is: now that you’ve taken this step you never have to ask that question again.

I’ve gotta say, Sci, announcing your true pronouns is definitely one of the sexiest things you could ever do. And Wade agrees. <3

hooougghh bless you @nobutforrealthough - you're so cool and sexy and ough...

i feel so very exhausted in the head lately about identity things. i think a lot of people thought i was some kind of gender icon when really i'm just piecing things together as best as i can. i feel a little exhausted that people thought so much of me and i'm not delivering on it. (but i've felt that way all the time, all my life, from pretty much everybody.)

i guess it's difficult to do all this alone, without anyone in your corner. i think writing wade and peter, they sort of felt like friends to help me through it, because i don't really have anyone else out there to help me through and speak to me on my level. so – i kind of had to invent voices to give me courage. and it helps. but i worry that it's a little sad, too. sorry. i'm feeling very frank and bare this morning.

it's a lonely old world when you still haven't figured out where you fit in it. and maybe you're not meant to fit. but you kind of do need to fit, for your sanity. for your survival. so you contort and compromise and squeeze yourself into weird shapes and bug your head. and it's all so, so exhausting for me. and i think my body's finally telling me it's time to retire. my body is so, so tired...

#sci speaks #i want to be loved for me. #not for who i can pretend to be. #not for what i can “pull off”. #i want sad little lazy tired me to be treasured too. for being weak. for being lazy. for just wanting to sit around in my undies and cry. #tired of having to be a hero . for having to be an example . for having to put on a good show #ohhgh i'm so tired... #i love sad little lazy me. i love when i love sad little lazy me. sad little lazy me deserves to be loved #just as much as restless gender icon me #sighs. i wish you guys really Knew me. not just all of this text on the internet.

[pap3rcherry]

Hi there!! May i request SMG4 and SMG3 (separate) with a very VERY cuddly and clingy reader? (gn!reader pls)

୨୧ GLUED ୨୧

SMG4 & 3 X CLINGY READER

A/N: this took so long cuz Tumblr fucked up the post and didnt save it till the end... sincerest apologies

type: Headcanons, romantic, fluff

triggers: none

song(s) recommendation(s}: glued / hug me

୨୧ I hc him to also be a bit clingy, so everytime he gets sad or at least a bit upset, he would use it as an excuse to jump into your arms and feel your warm embrace, your touch simply sooths him<3

・❥・SMG4

୨୧ Smg4 would eat up all the affection you give him, he was already happy that he finally pulled someone, and they are affectionate and clingy? he is loving it and is living for it!! everytime you just hug him suddenly, he would hug back 10 times tighter, sometimes it takes all of your breath, but he does that to show how much he loves your hugs!

୨୧ Imagine him babbling to others how he haves such an loving and affectionate partner, my man would be all "hey look at my partner, they are such a sweet person with me, i love them so much, they are so-" and continue to ramble about you and your cute features (which is everything about you) and behavior.

୨୧ If he cant give you attention he will simply warn you and tell you he will try to make some time for you later and when he finally gets that time, he is IMMEDIATELY jumping on you.

୨୧ Smg4 loves your affection indoors and outdoors too, he isnt afraid to show it, he loves it so much that Smg3 once said for you two to get a room, only to get an "Your just jealous" back.

୨୧ If you (somehow) is shorter than him, he would just pick you up and carries you to his room silently, he just cuddles u on the bed once he gets there.

୨୧ He doesnt feel overwhelmed by your cuddly and clingy behavior, not at all! he is easily able to keep up with him as surprising as it seens.

୨୧ Whenever you two are in a adventure, he is always holding you, holding on your arm, waist, hand doesnt matter, he just needs to hold you whenever he gets the chance to.

୨୧ "Hug me! bring it in!"

✮⋆˙ SMG3 ✮⋆˙

୨୧ *Insert embarrassed angry face*

୨୧ Do i really need to explain it? this man is simply flustered, but aint complaining... much, he just never had someone as affectionate as you to give him so much love and affection, its kind of new to him.

୨୧ It just breaks him "tough" character facade, it gets him all flustered and silly and ahshshshebsjwj did you cast an spell on him? are you a witch? cuz you making him feel alot of things he never experienced much before.

୨୧ In public he may show himself to hate it but in private he will just eat it up as much as Smg4 does and maybe soon he will eventually warm up to also getting it in public, he just doesnt really wanna show it outdoors in the beginning because he wanted to keep his "bad guy" reputation, but dw, he eventually gets used to it.

୨୧ He goes up to you everytime he is mad or mildly upset too, he looks like Smg4 in that aspect, but he sometimes does it unconsciously, as in "i did it on auto pilot" unconscious, he got too used to seek for your touch.

୨୧ He 100% is a secretly touch starved person, i dont make the rules (i do), so he will hold onto any part of you he can, and i really mean any part, if he need to he will hold onto your ankle.

୨୧ He will brag about you, saying things like: "Look at my partner, they are so cool and sweet, bet you cant have that" "i have the most sweet partner and YOU dont" and etc, hes a little bitch sometimes but still fine as hell

୨୧ You are his soft spot ‼️ like he will soften his behavior around you SO MUCH that anyone who knows him like Smg4 would be so impressed, would usually get mocked because of it but he didnt really care since he HAS YOU‼️‼️‼️

୨୧ "Why are you blushing? thought you were tough" "I-IM NOT BLUSHING! BAKA." <3

#smg3 x reader #reader x smg4 #smg4 x reader #reader x smg3 #smg4 #smg3 #smg4 smg3 #Smg3 fic #Headcanons smg3 #smg4 headcanon #fluff #clingy reader #reader #x reader #୨୧ cherry works

[thefourofclubs]

A list of stuff I love about tatsumayo because they still haven't shared a centre and it makes me sad so I was thinking about them

• Tatsumi immediately being fond of Mayoi, Mayoi immediately feeling comforted by Tatsumi.

• The two always take care of each other when they're ill/hurt/tired and it shows the trust they have in each other.

• Tatsumi trusts Mayoi enough to tell him about his past at Reimei, knowing what he'll hear is unpleasant and probably make him think differently of him.

• Mayoi accepts Tatsumi's past and hopes he can always understand and accept everything about him.

• The two probably bonded so well because of their parallels and similarities (growing up quite lonely, their ethnicity/religion prejudiced against, sickly/injured).

• Tatsumi commonly initiates affection towards Mayoi, probably because they're close and Tatsumi is not sure how affectionate a close friendship should be.

• Tatsumi frequently refers to Mayoi as the mother of ALKALOID and his wife. Mayoi later says he can't tell when Tatsumi is joking or not, implying there is somewhat a seriousness between these recurring comments Tatsumi makes, or Mayoi interprets these comments romantically.

• Mayoi sometimes getting a little annoyed with Tatsumi showing that he's comfortable getting angry around him. Mayoi doesn't tend to act like this around others.

• Tatsumi admits that it seems he doesn't complain much because he'll complain to Mayoi and not the juniors.

• Tatsumi claims to not know how to act romantically when recording with HiMERU, but then acts very romantic towards Mayoi during their date. Mayoi ends up overwhelmed and tired from how much Tatsumi dragged him around. Tatsumi feels remorse for Mayoi having to put up with what he wanted.

• Tatsumi thinks Mayoi is pretty/adorable. He says it to himself and to Mayoi directly multiple times.

• Tatsumi talks about Mayoi a lot in his homescreen dialogues.

• Mayoi fell asleep next to Tatsumi whilst they were talking, showing Mayoi trusts Tatsumi enough to be vulnerable like that.

#enstars #ensemble stars #tatsumi kazehaya #mayoi ayase #tatsumayo

[miyuhpapayuh]

Can I be transparent for a sec? Mmkay.

I lost my job back in January over some racist ass mean girl shit and I haven't been able to find a job since then. It's almost may. By the grace of god, am I still held together but man if a bitch don't cry.

Bills never stop. Life don't stop. The fact that some over aged bully brought problems to her SECOND job and got an innocent black woman fired is crazy to me, I feel like they even blackballed me ya know? Nobody wants my ass.

Soon as I send the application off, it's coming back with a fat red NO on it. And I ain't never not do my job, so to pats that off as the THIRD and final excuse as to why you fired me is crazy.

Almost two years and still had that key in my possession til I brought it back to her ass, after she fired me. There's bitches that didn't even have codes to get in the building! I had that AND a key! Mind y'all, this was my second boss. First one got fired cause she truthfully ain't do her job, but me, always on time and ready to do my job.

We got paid $12 and hour! Who tf ain't finna do this silly shit? All I do and ring bitches up. So you saying I never rung a bitch up? Never opened/closed the store? Never cleaned my area? Never did a return? Never help a vendor? Never turn the fountain on/off? Never turned the lights on/off? Tv, either? Never put anything back? Never took something down for someone? Never carried something out for customers, which i eventually stopped on my own cause I ain't finna be no liability. This is not Lowe's. Never answered the phone? Nothing?! I just came to work and disappeared to narnia, apparently, and have y'all my ass to kiss? Yeah, okay. And how do y'all think that'll stand with no paper trail to back it up.

If I NEVER did anything, why was I still here and never written up a single time? You were my boss for five months and never wrote me up? Didn't confiscate my key? CONTINUED to let me open the store up? Tried to make me your errand girl? Picked a bitch who don't even clock ten hours a week your part time assistant manager but kept running to ME when shit would get weird and if redirect your ass to your OTHER assistant manager, because EYE do not get paid to be a secretary. Remember who you gave that job to, especially after being warned that she wouldn't be able to do the job.

Y'all, what the fuck is a part time assistant manager? Any other assistant manager we ever had clocked the full 40, cause it's a REQUIREMENT. Duh. Now part time and full time employees? Sure, but nothing else. Can't be a part time manager of a fucking establishment, that's so ass backwards.

So who would be asked to open the store a LOT if the other assistant was on vacation or whatever? Me.

If a bitch didn't ever do her job? Why call on me? Rely on me to fix problems with certain customers because you knew I'd handle it. Hell, I was helping this girl sell spaces in the store! If I never did my job? Why constantly ask me how many hours I wanted? Tell me about the other girls and how they're not doing what you want and yadda ya.

When girls started quitting, I took those long eight hour shifts to the chin to help you out. And you thanked me! Y'all she was on the phone talking to my assistant manager and they got me right before I left work to thank me for staying so late and being the only one to step up and be a team player and they appreciate me (mind yal I don't care about team player bs it just felt nice to hear that I was appreciated) and all that, just to turn around a MONTH later and say I never did my job?

I got fired over the phone because she knew how it woulda went down in person, but she also thought I wasn't smart enough to fight. First mistake.

This feels like a book lmao I'm knowing y'all prolly don't care but I just have to write this out somewhere, I just have felt so sad and angry.

Anyway. Painted tree is a boutique where people sale their wares, handmade jewelry, food, clothing items, candles, paintings, etc. you could either buy a kiosk or a booth and you were responsible for that and that alone!

So of course, there's vendors that sell shit outta their house cause they know nobody is paying attention, one of them any things this new manager was being brought in to fix cause it was starting to look like a hot mess, I'm not gonna lie to y'all, but I just worked there so whatever.

Of course me being me, I would also make a point to say something every now and again because you can't have us giving a spiel to the customers about the store, while not making sure that your current vendors are following those rules we're giving the new ones! Like???

Old manager was even telling her assistants to sale the spaces sight unseen and why make me privy to this cause you know ima tell y'all how illegal that is!

So the same part time assistant manager is involved in what ended up getting me fired. We started around the same time as cashiers and she's been trying her hardest to get this promotion at her other job, the full time job, but she's up against some sixty year old lady who's been in the company forever, so she's got seniority. Y'all already know how this ends up going. Shorty ain't get the promotion, right around the same time she gets promoted where we work.

On top of that, her husband should choke on something. I won't get into that but there was a point where she'd cry to us about him leaving her and even pimp herself to customers! I'm talking about"if y'all have any single daddies, older brothers, friends, tell 'em I'm ready to mingle!"

Inappropriate.

During the same time, Christmas Eve of 2022, to be exact, we get a text from our manager that the power was out and whoever was scheduled wouldn't have to worry about coming in. So I'm like sweet, see y'all Monday, merry new year whatever.

Of course this bitch gon text back and ask about the possibility of the lights coming back on and I'm like oh my god really. So managers like I'll let y'all know if I hear anything and get y'all to come in. Of course.

So what we ain't know was that this girl was camped out in the job parking lot, waiting to see if the lights came on.

Sure enough they did, cause why not?!?!? And she calls manager and tells HER that SHES gonna drop her kid off, change her clothes and come back to work! Told HER manager what the plan for the day was and you know it actually went down?!?? Cause she was a known snitch at head office, they don't like this girl! Our manager told us that they don't like her.

Anyway, so of course we have to come to work for like three hours and it's a waste because there was like 10 customers at most! My co worker and I are giving her shit because why were you in the parking lot waiting for the lights to come on?! You had nothing better to do cause your husband still hasn't come home?! DO NOT MAKE THAT MY FUCKING PROBLEM WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?!

She's telling the customers that we're making her feel bad and I'm just saying "good, I hope you do feel bad" got our asses at work for nothing, yeah feel bad! I could still be in the bed! Last minute Christmas shopping my ass! I'm mad!

So why does she end saying she wants to leave early?

Not the same person who said we should thanking her for getting us more hours? Not the one who was trying to gain sympathy from the customers? NOT THE ONE WHO CAMPED OUT IN THE PARKING LOT?!!!!

When I say my head swivelllllllled, it almost came off. All my coworker did was stare at her but eyeeee had words for her ass.

No way you just said sumn bout leaving early??? You literally waited for the lights to come back on so you could get us to come to work! We're here and only been here for like 2 hours, maybe her 3, and you wanna leave early?! You ain't going nowhere. If anything ima hitch a ride with coworker and we gon leave you here to lock up. That was funny of you to think you were leaving early.

Shoulda seen her face, like dare you!

I said if our manager goes for it and you leave early, I got words for her too. I bet she ain't get work early.

My manager and I even agreed that she was being ridiculous to even ask that question, being the one who made us come to work!

Yeah she ain't like me ever since that, but she also ain't buck her shit after that either.

So when we get our new manager, she feels like she got someone on her side because let me make note that the old manager was the best friend of the assistant manager that she works alongside now. So the playing field is leveled now.

So my sister and I have a kiosk to share, my art and her baking. We get both of the week and I make it look all pretty with our candy jars and cookies and paintings and jewelry that my mom made and what have you.

I come in a day before my week is up and my stuff isn't there. In fact, that now part time assistant is standing in front of a table, taking down a coffee display.

Do we do this on Saturdays? Absolutely. Do we use the other side to display our coffee so these booths of the week can still be presented? Also, yes.

So why is mine the one you MAKE SURE you take down? Right.

So I clock in and tell my assistant manager that I needed to go to my booth. I go to my booth and our stuff is out back crazy! I call my sister while I'm putting everything back. I mean candy dishes on the edge of the shelves, my paintings on the floor, cookies put behind things. Like she just dropped it off and kept it moving.

So were upset and I call my manager and let her know what's happening and she's telling me head back up front cause conveniently both assistant managers were leaving early so I needed to watch the front so I'm like okay just call her and tell her that I don't appreciate her just throwing my stuff around and she assures that she will.

So that ended up being translated like something to brush off cause when I had to call her back cause I couldn't find one of my stand to my paintings, which I ended up finding in the office on a shelf?! Which also ended up not being a big deal to my manager which I noted was not cool, she just kinda passed off a message like we she didn't know where your things went.

She coulda left my shit where it was sitting and let me know to move it when I got in. Could moved it into the office and let me put it back myself. I got agreement on this from my manager. So I'm just like okay whatever just tell her not to touch my stuff anymore if that how she's gonna do me. That was the end of it for me, cause just let me get my money pls.

So the next day we work together again, and like any other day we do not speak to each other cause she's wishy washy and I don't get paid to speak to you nor do you get paid to speak to me. So I speak to my other coworker cause she's not an asshole to me and I go about my day.

Why does the next day roll around and my manager asks me what do we need to do to solve the tension? I'm like what tension? I'm good. When she wants to start treating me like a human, then maybe she'll get so here with me but EYE am not the problem here?? I didn't do anything to her??

She's like, well she told me that you came in and didn't speak to her but you spoke to everyone else.

I'm sorry, I'm we in high school? Didn't I tell y'all that we are not friends? I know I've told y'all that so what's this about?

I told her that I'm not rolling out a red carpet for this girl and making her feel comfortable cause she's definitely not doing that for me! Like be real! Be serious! If I told you every damn time she ain't speak to me, you woulda been tired of me long time ago! I don't come to work for that! Tell her come talk to me and I get a comment about my attitude and I shrug it off like okay haha cause I'm not confrontational all the time, it didn't cost for that ya know? So the comment was unnecessary.

So a couple days go by and I end up texting my manager to chat when I got to work later that day just letting her know that I needed to get everything off my chest about this while situation cause it was starting to bother me how the whole thing was being handled.

In that conversation, I pretty much reiterated that I just would like to continue doing my job and not worrying about catering to anyone's feelings, cause we do not get paid for that. This girl had been treating me like an outcast for a whirl and it feels racist sometimes and she's quick to defend her cause duh and I tell her that I don't need anyone to tell me what they think about it so pretty much like girl save it, I still think it's racist and she tells me to send part time assistant manager a message to say like here's where we stand and we don't gotta get along but we gotta get back to work and let it be.

So I'm like ok cool, I type it up in my notes and send it to my homegirl like girl read this and lmk what you think cause she privy to everything that's been going on!

She like that's cool but I don't think sending her that will make a difference, cause I agree with you that she should do her job just mediate or something instead of getting you do it! Remember, YOU didn't do anything to her!

So my sister came right around that time cause she was picking me up, also putting labels on her products cause again we own a kiosk, and so I tell her about it and she immediately is like do not send her anything cause they can use it against you.

So part time assistant manager ends up coming in and when I say she beelines straight for the office, she almost hurt herself getting in there.

So my assistant manager ends up telling me that if I wanted to go home early o could cause we were really slow so I was like yeah I'll see y'all tomorrow, byeee

So a couple hours later, I get a text from my manager asking me if she could call me. I already knew what it was but I'm like there's no reason why she would do that.

So she calls me and someone from corporate was on the other line! wtf? So she goes into this spiel about cutting hours and then abruptly says that here's where we part ways.

So I'm like why am I getting fired? She dances around the question and goes on to say something about an attitude, and so I ask her if it's about the situation between we and ptam (got tired of writing that out) and if it is about that situation, is she also getting fired? Cause never did I speak to that girl about any of this, it was my manager and I talking. And she doesn't answer any of what I asks, she just keeps going back to its best that we do it like this and I'm like why? She then goes on on to say she knows I wasn't happy and I'm like how?? Why would I come to work to take your shift, both assistant managers and my own in this mf if I hated my job? Girl shut up! Like not making any sense?

So the lady from corporate takes over and starts talking like an inspirational speaker about how she met me and I can go anywhere and be the best I can be and there's better opportunities and I end up zoning out cause I'm just like how tf am I gonna pay my bills now? I don't have a job lined up. I cannot believe I just got died and she didn't even give me a reason— she thought I hung up and I'm like nah I'm here but I don't wanna hear anything else or continue this conversation, you want your key back? Cool. Do I even have a shift still, tomorrow morning? No, of course not. K, you'll get it back, bye.

Immediately I send a long email to corporate and tell 'em everything that's gone on, even told em how my manager has her boyfriend/fiancé drive an hour back down the road to another location for some damn labels because ours hadn't shipped out yet. This man is NOT employed there so there's no reason why he should be being employed to do her job for her!

I also terminated the contract for my stand cause now I'm no longer there to watch my stuff and if bitch gets away with throwing shit around once, she gon do it again. Told her rip that shit up.

Now my sister was mad at me but not for long cause she knew i was upset but I was NOT talking outta anger, I mean what I said but she wanted to see if she could figure out what's going on cause I'm not the only owner of the kiosk which is fair, so we head up to the job and the assistant manager that I worked closely with was there, looking like a deer caught in headlights. This is her norm but it pissed me off more than usual.

She tried breaking bad on me, telling my sister that I called this person and that person and told em all types of shit, now me being me again, I'm asking wtf I said cause when we first started asking her questions, she wasn't aware of this and that and wasn't even allowed in the email anymore lmao and for an assistant manager, that's a bold face lie to tell cause how the emails get answered? It's just you here, dummy! YOU KNOW WHATA GOIN ON BITCH!

So when I asked her what I said in the email she just said she wasn't allowed in, she gon smirk at me and say "you know what you said"... nah! Since YOU know what's in the emails, you tell ME what I said. After that she sobered tf up and that smirk went bye bye. She even backed away from the counter cause I was getting so agitated, and she's scared of me. We've also had it out before so she knows her limits and me not being her coworker anymore, she knew better than to test me.

So I end up separating from my sister cause the conversation was going nowhere, only for us to find each other again and assistant manager told her that I never did my job. Crazy as hell.

When I say I sent a total of three emails and called corporate and only one person responded to my email— the chief of staff, mind y'all! I'm thinking she finna come with it, right? Wrong. Everybody full of hot ass.

She telling me that there were concerns— none of which were brought me but ok— about my work ethic and there's claims from SIX of my coworkers that support me being away and not ready for work but clocked in, also multiple screenshots that support the idea of me not being fond of my job.

I asked that bitch to send me this concrete ass evidence so EYE can see what EYE said and y'all know I ain't get shit back. Not even crickets. Not even a tumbleweed, bitch.

One thing about me, ima ask to see the evidence. Y'all not finna act like y'all got something on me and not share it with the class?!? Come on, where's the fun in that?!

Couldn't take the time to fabricate some text messages or print out a write up and forge my signature! Nothing!

So when it came time for me to get my unemployment, of course they tried making that difficult too! But ima fight for myself. I've come to far in that, not to.

Got them ppl sending me questionnaires and in ever text box they provided, I went into lengthy detail about this whole situation, I was so tired of telling mfs that I wasn't aware of why I was even fired, it made me literally ill.

It was like I was talking in circles and nobody was listening to me, which is something that makes me physically violent. So something needed to be done asap, cause if I gotta sit my black ass at home, I'm getting my duckets in the meantime!

So I got fired of the 16th of January, right? On the 17th of February, I log into DES and guess who was approved for their well deserved mf money cause them bitches ain't have no evidence to support me never doing my mf job?! Yeah! YEAH!!!! I cackled all morning long bitch, it was so funny and hilarious and delightful!!!

But I've been looking for a job for the last three months and it's about to be May. By the grace of god and my mama do I still have money in the bank, but the unemployment is on its last leg and it don't know what to do. I just feel like a failure a lot of the time, it really sucks to keep getting rejection letters in my email but ima keep trying. Just don't know how much try I have left in me.

So yeah, if y'all made it to the end of my long ass diary entry, I appreciate y'all and hope y'all take care of y'all selves at these jobs cause they give not one fuck about ya, k? K, stay lovely and spicy 😘😘😘😘

#miyuhpapayuh #been meaning to get all this ofc my chest so here it goes

[anxiously-sidequesting]

So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."

But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️

So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to

And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to

Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!

#this is all speculation btw idk if any of this is canon. how duncan feels about all this #i know i keep saying the exact same shit over and over but.... really not a fan of how the game handled duncan! sorry! #i know wizard101 isnt supposed to be about every single character gets a satisfying ending to their arc- #-meaning not everyone in the story will face consequences and/or find a happy ending and like thats fine they dont need to #but idkkkk its just imo really sad how essentially a kid suffers frrom something he cant control by himself (his ego)- #and then instead of getting help he is instead ignored (ambrose) and then manipulated and brought up by a cult #and then when it becomes super apparent how... TERRIBLE his life really is and we defeat him he just... goes back?????? #we.... we LET him go back???? i mean we're not responsible for other people's bad decisions or mental health but bro.... #and then when we tell ambrose he's just like “oh. too bad. well anyways-” AND IM LIKE WELL THATS THE REASON!!!!! NO WONDER HE'S FUCKED UP #NONE OF THIS IS ADDRESSED. NONE OF IT. WE KICK DUNCAN'S ASS AND THEN HE.... GOES BACK TO THE CABAL #i literally just got so desolate when (wallaru spoilers) because. okay. all that for nothing i guess #this isnt me being mad btw LMAO i know the tone probably reads as angry but im not im just disappointed #and tired. what is it with wizard101 in particular and just people suffering with no end. (me as i make my main suffer with no end) #but anyways yeah duncan has been in my head for a while. he's one of the guys that i love a lot BDKSNSKAJ #he's like a son to me and HE NEEDS A HEALTHY PARENT. HE NEEDS IT #not excusing his actions btw. he still committed crimes JRKDJSIEJ #i just have a soft spot for those villains in media who are doomed from the start yknow. (stares tearfully at morganthe and gf spider) #wizard101 #wiz101 #w101 #text posts #duncan grimwater #im not normal about duncan at all he's probably the wozard oc i feel for the most other than malorn and us

[katierosefun]

oh there's something particularly painful about my mister in that dong hoon tells ji an that as long as no one knows, it's no big deal, and there's something particularly painful about how ji an tells dong hoon that sometimes, i want [my secret] to play out on big screens for everyone to see, and there's something particularly painful about how the second dong hoon meets the loan shark tormenting ji an, he starts screaming and yelling about how she's just a kid, how could you do that to a kid, and there's something particularly painful about how dong hoon doesn't even let ji an know he did that, but ji an knows. she knows because she was listening in the entire time and she just starts crying because someone actually knows this ugly, sad part of her and still took her side, and something particularly painful about how my mister started with as long as no one knows, it's no big deal but really concludes with there is so much risk in having someone know who you are but there's also so much comfort and peace to be found in that, too and maybe you shouldn't isolate yourself and maybe you should reach for that kind of comfort in being known and loved anyways

#caroline talks #my mister #if this is incoherent. it should be #rewatched the first 2.5 episodes of my mister last night #felt like crying my eyes out the entire time tbh!! #every time i watch this show there's just something about it that hurts me more and more and there's something that makes the messages #in this show feel more and more relevant #idk. thinking a lot about when ji an talks about how sometimes she wishes. sometimes she wishes #that everyone knew what she'd done and what had been done to her. #something about how ji an can't ever bring herself to connect truly with another person because of how much she hates #the feeling of people realizing what her past looks like #and not wanting to withstand the pity and also horror. like. okay. #something about ji an sobbing by the bridge when she listens to dong hoon pummeling that loan shark guy #and how i used to always cry at that scene but now i tear up just thinking about it #because you know! there's that shock (that firstly: someone knows your miserable secret. and secondly: they're still on your side) #and then absolute heartache because you don't know what to do with that information. you didn't expect it. #you're sobbing at a bridge because someone knows who you are and someone knows the scars of your past and still gets angry and sad for you. #and you still feel like you don't deserve it because you know deep down you are not a very good person (or so you tell yourself). #and. oughough. lee ji an holds such a place in my miserable little heart

[hella1975]

choked up in my room rn bc i was sat in the car with my mum completely lost in thought and she out of nowhere went 'are you okay?' and i was like 'yeah? why?' bc i was totally fine i was literally just thinking and she let it go and then five entire minutes later she goes 'are you sure? have i done something?' and she sounded so genuinely anxious and i could tell she'd been thinking about it the entire 5 minutes while id been completely oblivious and i spent so many years as a child letting everything bottle up until it all burst out in a messy and ugly breakdown that took her down with me and despite that she never hated me she only ever blamed herself for not seeing the signs and she's never been able to see my signs because i keep everything to myself and it terrifies her that she might miss something and she handles things poorly when she's scared and she gets too angry but fundamentally she's trying her absolute hardest to be a good mother and it wasn't always enough and i know i have to hold her at least partially accountable but also she's my mum and im her daughter and she always just wants to know if im okay and most of the time im not and somehow that feels like ive betrayed her

#like my mum is such a loud powerful force of a woman that these little moments of vulnerability where she's just HONEST with me #and she shows me that she's worried or scared or unsure instead of just constantly putting up a strong front #always always bowl me over #like ive literally said to her time and time again that i'd find it easier to communicate with her if she wasn't so strong all the time #like of course i hate crying and being emotional in front of you when youve made it v clear my whole life that you hate doing that #when it's you that's the one being emotional like that's not fair #but also being strong all the time is literally a survival thing she had no choice but to implement bc her own life was so hard #so how can i just ask her to lower those walls for me? even if keeping them up is to both our detriment? #and like ive talked on here before how she's openly admitted to me that she finds my temper harder to handle than my sister's #even tho mine is quieter and significantly less messy. but she's also said to me that in general she finds my sister easier to deal with #bc my sister's so open and if she's angry she yells if she's sad she cries if she's happy she talks ur ear off etc etc #i just insist on handling everything myself and the worse i feel the more i deal on my own and it TERRIFIES my mum #BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart #like even when our relationship was at its worst it was never ever a lack of love and she just does genuinely care and worry about me #it's just if she's scared she just gets ANGRY and her angry means her hurting my feelings and my feelings being hurt means i shut down MORE #and it's literally the worst combo but we love each other so much that we're both clawing through it anyway it makes me want to cry #and because she's always so strong i FORGET that there's just a scared vulnerable person behind those walls #that has no idea what she's doing bc her own mum never taught her anything good #and my mum blames herself so completely for every bad thing like she says things like 'i feel like ive failed' and idk how to tell her #that she IS messy and incredibly flawed and she HAS done things that have hurt me beyond comprehension #and there are bad parts of my personality that exist because of her and her alone #but ive also done terrible things to her too like not even considering the fact our responses arent compatible and that hurts her #i also did some DUMB shit when i first started tackling ye olde mental illness that had a HUGELY negative impact on everyone around me #but she is still my favourite person in the world and my best friend and i love her and i know she loves me and i just want to hold her #girls when their mum isnt an all powerful being but instead a flawed human trying their best: SKJDGHKDJSHGJKSDHGJKSH #hella goes home

[monty-glasses-roxy]

I'm not done listening to the CDs but aside from annoying me about 'therapy' and 'counselling' being used interchangeably when they're different things, the huge breaches in privacy that just keep rolling, the absurd way these sessions are handled sometimes... the worst thing I've heard is:

"Would you like a candy? Butterscotch stays!" "No thank you. Those are thirty five calories a piece."

#VANESSA NOOOOOO #YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS!!!! #THE CANDY IS GOOD PROMISE #I can't tell if it's like. a diet culture thing or a nod at an eating disorder but fuck man :( #sorry I have strong feelings about diet culture bullshit and when I hear stuff like this it just kinda makes me sad :( #and these are both topics I will NOT be getting into here! #because fuck that!!! #I don't want to be angry at shit like this!! I'm here for VANESSA and LUIS #who are FRIENDS apparently!! #OR Luis is her cover but FRIENDS

[theres-whump-in-that-nebula]

I’m really starting to feel like Gregor Samsa now

#exjw #going pomo #my mom knows I’m gay and also “opposed” but my dad doesn’t yet so I’m hiding in my room #So naturally I don’t feel well; but I’m going to work anyway because I don’t feel as bad there as I do here #Now all I need is for my dad to throw something at me (I don’t think he would but I wouldn’t be surprised if he did) #I think my mom is hoping that maybe when I start ADHD meds I’ll “come to my senses” #because she asked if I thought my ADHD had anything to do with my decisions #And she went on and on yesterday reading stuff she researched about these specific meds #Like… no? If anything the ADHD meds will make me pack up faster because then I won’t be as inhibited to gtfo #She oddly doesn’t seem as angry/sad as I thought she would; so maybe she hasn’t fully accepted it yet #I start meds tomorrow btw so we’ll see what happens. Hell of a time to be messing with my brain chemistry sjdjdjdjdndndn #This will either make things way better or way worse. We’ll see #I’m just afraid that they’ll make my already VERY high anxiety worse because they are stimulants #the anxiety wasn’t high before but it is now that I’m obligated to tell my dad knowing how much he hates gays #I don’t want to suddenly pass out projectile vomit or shit myself; because that’s what high anxiety does to me #I’ve almost passed out twice because of nerves in the past year in reaction to this situation #one such incident occurring just three days ago… while projectile vomiting

[thebleedingeffect]

.

#okay I'm talking in the tags of this post cause shit is happening in my life and I gotta talk about it somewhere #one part of it is my step brother crashing and burning before my very eyes and there's nothing I can do to stop his own destructive actions #so it's just me watching this poor kid ruin his relationships and blame everything and everyone around him as he does so #despite the fact that he's undeniably been treated horribly at times- he's just turned that anger back onto others and himself #and I have no idea what to feel as I watch him get arrested. have drug problems. because I'm just waiting for the inevitable spiral #it doesn't help that my mom has been comparing us and saying that I'm the much better child and she wishes he was like me #not understanding that I could’ve been him if I was just more angry at the world at that age instead of being so sad and scared #and that leads me to my fucking mom cause like- I love her. we've been through alot of bad shit with her #I've almost done some really bad shit for her and I know that she loves me more than anything else #but it feels like its been getting more and more suffocating cause I'm not sure she's able to start seeing me as an adult #and start loosening her grip around me and let me breathe. to have my own experiences without her by my side #to be able to go places and imagine a future without her constantly by my side #she talks and it's like she doesn't even think to wonder that perhaps I want to form my own experiences #and experience the world on my own terms because I feel like I've spent my whole life having so little damn control #religious family. shit and neglectful father who turned into the exact opposite and nearly killed me. family who refuses to listen and talk #having to move and run immediately. put survival above all else. go to school. get out. and god I just wanna breathe #she loves me so much and I love her too. but I feel like I'll be sooner crushed if I stick here for long enough #I'm just mad that my life has been nothing but absolutely no love. sudden waves of intense love. absolutely nothing. sudden spike #and I feel like I'm just finally starting to form good. healthy relationships on my own terms and actually make friends #because I had no idea what I was doing when I was a kid cause I was so fucking lonely and hurting #now I just. gotta figure out how to tell my mom that I can't carry this expectation that I'll continue to stay forever by her side #it just feels like I'm her child first and a person second. and it sucks. it really sucks. #ough. spins and spins and spins and spins-

[pepprs]

my mom isn’t letting my dad go back to his office bc him being out of the house stresses her out and makes her have a flare up and it’s like kind of insane. like i understand why the idea of him doing that would make her panicky and angry as someone who also struggles w separation anxiety and abandonment shit / has physical symptoms from that kind of stress (though not to the same degree ofc) but also he is a grown man. he should be allowed to go to his office and not have to shape his entire life around her needs. and she keeps guilt tripping him out of it and it’s impacting his quality of life a lot and the whole thing is kind of… hm

#purrs #delete later #also she’s guilt tripping me into coming to the stupid fucking potluck on sunday bc she needs the extra help and it’s like… what are you #gonna do when i move out. like i am a grown woman and i should be able to choose how i spend my two precious weekend days. and my dad is a #grown man and he should be able to choose where he works. like is that not a little bit insane. i get it but also….. i do think it s kind of #fucked ip that it’s her way or the highway and her needs take priority over all of ours and she’s asking us to bend to what she wants when #she wants it. like i get it bc she’s sick but it’s not fair for her to expect that from my dad especially. particularly when me and my #brother are back at work / school in more high risk environments than my dad who would be in a private office alll day. and the thing is no #one is brave enough to all her on it bc if we did it would be the END of the world. she even threw a fit on my dads bday and complained bc #the things he wanted to do were things she didn’t want to do like all the man wanted to do was go mini golfing and when that wasn’t good #enough he just wanted to go on a walk and my mom complained the whole time and also scoffed the movie he wanted to watch and said it was #boring and it’s like… wtf it’s HIS birthday??? but what do you expect from the woman who (and in fairness her friends got her these as gifts #but still) has TWO kitchen items that say some variation of ‘a marriage is when one is always right and the other is always the husband’ 💀 #i look at that little plaque every night bc it’s in front of the sink when im doing dishes and it makes me so fucking angry. like my dad is #a whole fucking person and he can be right too and he deserves to make choices and be happy and not have his wife put him down all the time. #idk. and she puts down his family all the time too and complains when he wants to do the most reasonable things for his own enjoyment that #don’t align with hers and criticizes his interests all the time and it just sucks to see. he never shows hurt or anything so idk how he #feels about it but it makes me so angry and sad and when i tell her to stop she just lashes out at me so. 🤪. like how do we get her to stop #making her needs more important than everyone else’s bc… she may be our mom / his wife / whateger but that doesn’t make her queen. no one is #(andalso this has only gotten worse bc of covid / her being sick. like this has been a lifelong thing it’s just it’s a lot worse now bc the #circumstances gave her room / forced her to have to take up more space. and it’s just so frustrating. i get it. but none of us are pawns or #dolls or subordinates or anything. there’s 5 adults here and we should all be able to make choices and not be guilt tripped by her. lol #)

[buysomecheese]

FUCKED UP THAT SOMEONE CAN SEE THEIR FRIEND IN A VULNERABLE POSITION AND THEN USE THAT TO THEIR ADVANTAGE!!! FUCKED UP THAT HE WOULDN'T TAKE KINDLY TO HIS OTHER FRIENDS HELPING HIM GET OUT OF THAT SITUATION SO WE CAN'T HELP AS MUCH AS WE'D LIKE TO. FUCKED UP THAT SO MANY GOOD THINGS WILL BE TAINTED FOR HIM NOW. FUCKED UP THAT HE'LL LIKELY BE SO CLOSED OFF TO EVERYTHING NOW BECAUSE OF THEM!!!!!

#went to bed angry and woke up angry #yesterday was so good because I love my friends but so bad because. this situation makes me so sad. #it's so sad when my friends fucking hate themselves. #and it's a different hate than it was when my friends hated themselves in middle school #like I know how to deal with that sort of self-hatred but this is Different. #and I need to help differently but I don't know How #it's quiet and constant and just little comments that could almost be missed but. #those of us who Did hate ourselves in middle school (loudly and sporadically and yelling about it in the hallways) #we see this quiet hate and I don't know what to do. nobody has ever known when I've hated myself quietly and I don't know what would've- #-helped me so I don't know how to help them. #how much can I hold them until it's uncomfy. how much can I tell them I love them until they stop believing me. #it doesn't help that they're Men. I get how men feel this sadness but I don't know how they can be helped with it #(because again I was never helped with it. I'm so good at helping my Women friends but my Men friends I don't Know what to do) #it's not fair that they're so beautiful and kind and funny and attractive and they can't see that. #and I can't like date them to make them see it because I'm not good for a relationship and one of them is straight and the other just got- #-out of what is a horrible situationship THAT DEFINITELY DIDN'T HELP. with someone I was really close with in middle school and like I- #-didn't Raise them but I was more present and helpful than her parents in middle school and I feel like I raised him. #and I raised him better than this better than hurting your Close Friend by taking advantage of him. using him for the attention your real- #-parents wouldn't give you. leave him the fuck alone. #and like the situation is over but the effects are still present. and will be for a long fucking time. #I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN BE INTIMATE WITH SOMEONE AND NOT LEAVE THEM FEELING BETTER ABOUT THEIR BODY. #I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAN SEE SOMEONE BE SO LOW AND LEAVE THEM THERE. OR BRING THEM DOWN FURTHER. #NOBODY EVER LEFT YOU WHERE YOU WERE UNTIL YOU GAVE US NO OTHER CHOICE. AND EVEN THEN WE KEPT TRYING TO BRING YOU UP. #BECAUSE YOU WERE OUR FRIEND AND WE LOVED YOU. AND WE EXPECTED YOU WOULD DO THE SAME. #HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR YOU AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ONE OF HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS. NO HE HAS NOT ALWAYS BEEN PERFECT BUT HE WAS IN- #-MIDDLE SCHOOL. HE WAS A BABY WE WERE ALL BABIES AND WE ALL GOT BETTER. AND YOU DID NOT AND YOU MADE THAT HIS PROBLEM. #maybe you just didn't fucking listen to anything he's ever said maybe you were too busy thinking about how you could use him. #but he cares so much for you and he shares himself with you and you don't notice how much he hates? #AND THE TRUST ISSUES YOU AND ANOTHER PERSON WE USED TO HAVE INSTILLED IN OUR OTHER FRIEND. #HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DATE AGAIN WITHOUT BEING SCARED OF WHAT SHE MIGHT SAY ABOUT HIM.

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

bestie is coming home on 1st im having thoughts

#obviously i missed her and would love to see her but seeing her brings so many complicated feelings and i hate it #i realised somewhere in the middle of a metro surrounded by a crowd that my bestfriend loves her boyfriend more than she loves me #i saw them flirt and hug and ive known her since we were 11 okay i had never seen her be so happy and calm and peaceful and CONTENT #and it made me feel yuck disgusting gross that i could never give her anything like this in years of our friendship so ofc she loves him #more than me #i used to be annoyed at her telling me about him what he did down to evey detail but there's one i can remember really well #how she was upset with him and he got angry too very angry so she thought he was breaking up with her and she started sobbing so #uncontrollably on the phone itself because she couldn't lose him and so he at like 11 pm?? he left his pg and showed up at her house told #her to come down just to give her a hug and then they went to have ice cream to make her feel better #and i just. #obviously she loves him more ivy you don't even talk to her unless she talks to you you talk once in like 2 months #she has made me realise so many things about love 😭 #i think i get it love means showing up being there when the person you love needs you no matter what #like i get it's not always possible real life problems but #like he did have real life problems going out so late getting an auto not even being sure if she would come down cause she has very strict #parents #he was willing to put in all that effort just cause she was sad and that's why she loves him more than me it makes sense #but this is why i feel so scared im not even 2% of the person he is i always feel she is going to realise im an asshole and leave me #but we talk so less it wouldn't even affect me realistically #but then i would have lost all my childhood friends everyone who knew me when i was happy better than present atleast #i would have lost all friends period since i don't have any irl friends 😭 #this is why i feel conflicted 😭😭😭

[milo-is-rambling]

Recently every conversation with my mom has left me feeling like a child again

#y'know when you were little and your parents were upset but you wanted to tell them something you cared about and they got angry at you for #being happy and wanting to share it with them #that's been how every conversation with my mom has ended for the last two days #i just empty and emotional but I can't do anything about it cause I'm too small and young to help her #i just have to keep being around her and try to make her feel better #it's hard. it's really hard. i miss my dad #i know she's struggling but she doesn't have to act like that to me #and we had been doing so well before my brother came home and now that he's back at school it's like we have to learn to live together all #over again and I don't want to #i just want to lay in bed and cry #i feel like how I felt in middle school when I would lock myself in the bathroom to cry bc my bedroom door didn't have a lock and my family #would just walk in whenever they wanted to do I cried in the bathroom and it was always while I was crying I could hear my whole family #making fun of me for crying in the bathroom and making jokes about how I was crying again and being dramatic and stupid and it kind of #forever tainted my connection with my own emotions and being brushed off by my mom brings me back to that exact feeling #i wanna lock myself in the bathroom and cry so hard I can't breathe while listening to my parents make fun of me for crying #I'm just having a rough day and I'm stressed and sad and it's the first showing of the play tonight and I'm terrified I'm gonna fuck up #and I just want to have a good day but it's all been sucky so far #i hate it #i wake up happy and then I go to start my day and I talk to my mom and then it's like all motivation is drained from me and I want to just #get back into bed again #:((((

[observethewalrus]

love the emotional whiplash i feel whenever i spend more than an hour with my parents

#this weekend had everything from arguing to laughing to screaming to crying #sad crying and angry crying #mom telling me it breaks her heart that i'm 'never happy' while once again blaming it on me caring about politics and social issues #and just other people in general #and me needing to stop myself from going on a rant about how mental illness actually works #and that i do have things that make me happy #AND THAT SHE'S THE ONE WHO SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE TELLING ME LIFE ISNT FAIR AND LOVE ISNT REAL AND YOU'RE LUCKY IF YOU'RE NOT MISERABLE #she tells me i'm so full of anger like bitch you fly off the handle and lash out at anyone in a five mile radius at any minor inconvenience #i talk all the time about the things that make me happy but she thinks they're stupid and immature so she writes them off #she doesn't understand that if i measure happiness on some grand scale like major life changing things #then of course i'll never be happy #because i can't sit and wait around for a wife or a house or the perfect job #none of those things are guaranteed so i need to find ways to be happy with smaller things and i do #she tells me i'm not happy when ten years ago i didn't even plan to be alive this long #but i can't say she's undermining all the work i've done over the years because she has no idea i've done anything #she says people don't ever change so she measures happiness and progress by external things only #she doesn't understand how much i've changed #i can't really blame her even tho i feel like she's refusing to see something that's right in front of her #but at the same time i'm resentful that she can never see me as a fully fleshed out person #because she insists on seeing me as an extension of herself and her own unhappiness #this started as an angry post and turned into all the things i wish i could say to her but can't cuz she'll just disagree #and insist the things that are important to me don't matter and that i'm doing life all wrong #personal