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heyclickadee · 29 days

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So, here’s the thing. The finale is weird. Yes, I’m hurt by the fact that Tech didn’t come back and that a character that’s very near and dear to my heart was badly handled, and that will never sit right with me. But even apart from that, the finale fundamentally does not function as a piece of storytelling or as the end to this story. I’m glad that people are enjoying it, and I will never tell anyone not to. But I don’t think it works. (I get very negative about the TBB finale under the cut.)

It’s not just the Tech stuff or the CX-2 stuff (which may very well have been the same stuff) that got dropped. It’s *everything*. Every theme, Every narrative thread besides retrieving Omega, every character arc except marginally Omega’s, Echo’s (also marginal), and Emerie’s, which was the shortest and gets wrapped up by her deciding to help Echo rescue the kids. It all stops. It makes everything that came before seem cheap and pointless if you take it into account. And this is so, so frustrating for me, because the entire show was driving towards this incredibly rich payoff, it could have been immaculate, and then it whiffed the ball so bad in the last episode that it didn’t just miss, it managed to knock over the bleachers and set the entire court on fire.

Some examples:

1. This season had a really interesting exploration of Crosshair’s PTSD via his hand tremor and how it was something he can learn to manage, but not something that would ever fully go away. Aaaaand then his hand gets chopped off. One, that was stupid. I’ve seen some excellent posts (here’s one by @the-bi-space-ace) detailing why that was a terrible way to handle Crosshair’s lingering trauma, and others talking about how the idea there was that Crosshair needed to move on and it was severing his last ties with the empire. The former, I agree with; the latter, I don’t, because not only—not only!—does this episode stop dealing with Crosshair’s trauma, it doesn’t even deal with having cut off his hand! It just sort of occurs. No one reacts to it, no one says anything about it, there’s no follow up or commentary, nothing happens as a result—it’s an event which occurs with no results coming after it. It may as well be an animation error. You can say it was about Crosshair needing to let go and move on, but that’s something you have to project on to the text, not something that’s actually offered by it. It’s empty.

2. Crosshair again: We also have the lingering issue of Crosshair’s guilt and the fact that he never seems to get to a point where it’s resolved. There’s set up for a resolution. We have that, “Sure you have,” like about Crosshair from Rampart. We also have Crosshair saying he deserves whatever happens to him in Tantiss. And then…no pushback. No resolution. No moment of Crosshair realizing that he doesn’t need to carry that burden. Nothing that says he didn’t deserve what happened to him. He had all this character development this season, but he needed - last little push to forgive himself—and we never get any indication that he does. It, like his trauma, gets dropped like a rock.

3. Hey! More Crosshair! A good chunk of Crosshair’s arc this season was about learning that anyone can change, first, and that no one is beyond saving. Eeexcept that goes no where.

4. Which brings me to my next point: There is set up for the CXs to be saved. Even if we’re laboring under the conclusion that CX-2 was never intended to be Tech at any point in the writing process (I have. Doubts. Yes, I’m calling the creative team liars, here, but with the understanding that they have contracts that may require them to lie), we do have the set up where we learn the electrocyanide zappers can be removed, and with Rex offering forgiveness to CX-1. “Whatever they did to you, whatever you’ve done, you’re still one of us.” CX-Tech or no, Crosshair’s arc was tied up with the CX plot, and because he’s the one the CXs tend to react to—or, at least, understands what was done to them—the set up was there for him to help save and maybe rehab the CXs. At the least, there was an indication that they could be saved. Eeexcept nope! That gets dropped like a rock, too, and they’re not going to deal with it. Time for maximum carnage.

5. Hunter’s arc actually takes a step backwards. Sure, he gets a technically happy ending, but because the squad is basically in the same place they were in “Pabu” back in season two (down a member but successfully hiding from the Empire in a safe place), it negates Hunter’s development towards actually taking action—and actually hurts Echo’s arc, too.

There’s been this tension all through the show between just sitting things out on the one hand (Hunter’s way) and taking direct action despite the futility on the other (Echo’s way), but instead of finding some kind of middle ground or third road, it sort of comes back around to saying that, actually, Hunter was right, they should have just gone to Idaflor back in episode three and never left even though the Pabu invasion said that no, you can’t just hide, and even Hunter’s development was moving in the opposite direction. And this also means that Echo never reaches a point where he feels like he can walk away and that he doesn’t have to get himself killed doing this. Despite development otherwise they both end up back at that conversation in “Tipping Point” without any move in either direction or resolution of that tension.

6. Omega. Okay, Omega probably comes out the best after the finale, and, conceptually, I actually love the idea of Omega becoming a pilot even if the epilogue falls a little flat for me. But stuff with Omega still got dropped, including:

- The force stuff. We have two episodes dealing with m-count (after learning in episode three what Omega was created to do). We also have Ventress telling Omega that she doesn’t have a high m-count as far as she can see, Crosshair immediately calling Ventress out for lying, and then Ventress basically saying, “Yeah, no shit, but if she has force potential she’d have to leave you behind, and it doesn’t matter what your opinion on that is, so I’m not dealing with that.” Aaaand then,m. That. Goes nowhere. Despite a bit of set up for Omega connecting to the force as early as episode one, and some more set up in Tribe, and that whole subplot of her learning how to meditate, and so on.

Now, I don’t think that it was ever going to turn out that Omega did actually have a high m-count or that she had a particularly powerful natural connection to the force. I think she’s probably got a low or baseline m-count. What I do think, however, is that we were going to see Omega connect anyway as a refutation of Palpatine’s and Hemlock’s entire scheme. Their goal (based off of the ST) was to create extremely force sensitive clones as a way for Palpatine to jump bodies without having to waste time re-learning how to connect to the force. You know—dark side, quick and easy path, focus on eugenics and raw power, etc. Had Omega connected anyway because of her big heart and desire to protect, it would have not only paid off that set up, it would have also refuted Palpatine’s and Hemlock’s entire goal. It would have worked so well thematically and the set up was THERE.

- branching off of that, I think the Omega force stuff was probably tied to the Zillo beast. We also had a through-line of Omega being good with animals and taking the time to calm them instead of responding with violence. The first time we see this is in “Replacements,” where she realizes that the ordo moon dragon (also an electrophage—I don’t know what to call these things—like the zillo beast) is just scared and hungry. This is all conjectural, but it still fits with what was set up.

- Moving on from the force stuff, we also had a through-line that started way back in episode two of the series, but which was really emphasized this season, about Omega feeling like she’s the cause of the bad things that happen to the people she loves. This is why she gives herself up during the Pabu invasion in the first place. This is never resolved! We get Omega’s confidence boost when she realizes she has the force kids to take care of, but we never get a moment where Omega realizes that she has no reason to feel guilty. She’s the glue that holds the family together! But nope! Also dropped!

- But wait! There’s more! The first two season finales have Omega watching someone she loves fall away while she’s helpless to do anything to save them. That’s perfect set up to put Omega in the same situation, but be able to save them, because she’s finally come into her own. Instead we just end up with her needing to be rescued again.

- Omega has this big speech in Shadows of Tantiss about spending her life stuck in one place or another against her will, and how she refuses to be confined like that. I don’t think Omega would have been happy just staying on Pabu for the entire rest of her childhood and young adult life, even if I think she’d want to use it on a home base. But! Dropped!

7. I still can’t get over the fact that the zillo beast is on screen for about two minutes and then just. Walks away. It’s a large beastie that’s been locked in confinement for a while and is probably hungry. And somehow it didn’t go straight to the reactors for some delicious energy smoothies. Like. It. Did. The. Last. Time. Someone. Let. It. Out. But no, that would have required it sticking around for something that was probably dropped sooooo ZILLO BEAST EXIT STAGE RIGHT I GUESS. (Edit: I have been reminded that Hemlock does say to turn off the generators once the zillo beast is out, so that at least makes sense. I still think the zillo beast should have stuck around to do something.)

8. You notice how there are a ton of commandos around Tantiss, even up through “Flash Strike?” And how they kind of largely cease to exist? And how Echo says that there are far more clones imprisoned in Tantiss than anyone thought? And then how they rescue, like, a dozen guys? Because we never find our way back to those cells Crosshair was held in during season two? And how Tarkin does mention not wanting to allow clone dissidence to turn into an uprising back in “The Summit?” Because I did. This show was never going to be about a clone rebellion, that wasn’t the point, buuut I do think the set up was there for an uprising at Tantiss itself. Begin the series with clones losing their agency en masse, end the series with some of the most subdued clones taking it back. Except nope, dropped, soooo we gotta pretend the commandos don’t exist and murder the hell out of poor Scorch.

9. SPEAKING OF. The batch does kill clones sometimes, that does happen, but they do at least usually make some kind of effort to be non-lethal even when they’re not using stun, and times when they do resort to lethal tactics are usually born out of extreme circumstances. Not here, though!! NO HESITATION MAXIMUM CARNAGE. For. Reasons I guess.

10. There’s one point IN THE FINALE where Echo mentions signaling for Rex. This never comes up again. Rex does not show up. In fact, despite being called, “The Cavalry Has Arrived,” the cavalry does not in fact arrive. There is no cavalry. Yes, I know it’s a reference to Wrecker’s first line. But I’m sorry if you call an episode that YOU HAD BETTER HAVE A CAVALRY SHOW UP. Especially when you have a one about calling them in! But that also!! Got dropped like a rock!!

11. One positive: the moment Crosshair and Hunter leaning on each other to make that shot was nice.

12. Sorry, but Hemlock’s death was deeply unsatisfying. Let’s do something more than just shoot him multiple times, okay?

13. Rampart’s death, on the other hand, was incredibly satisfying. That said, the conversation about project necromancer? I’m dying. It’s actually hilarious, because it basically goes like:

“Tell me about project necromancer.”

“Wow! How interesting!”

I’m.

Are you serious?

I’m going to become the Joker.

Yes, I know we know what project necromancer is because of a different show. That’s not the point, the POINT. Is that any pay off for project necromancer in this show got dropped. And that’s deeply frustrating from a narrative perspective.

14. Speaking of, we never find out anything more regarding that partially successful m-count transfer from episode three.

15. We also never do anything with those medical records!

16. And Omega has a whole crossbow she never actually shoots despite the fact that her role on the team was as a sharpshooter after Crosshair left, and despite her getting advice from Crosshair on how to be a sniper. The literal chekov’s gun never goes off. I’m going to go eat gravel.

17. AZI, likewise, got toted around for three seasons for no reason. Probably could have helped with the medical records. Given that he was a Kaminoan medical droid. Oh, and that Omega was Nala Se’s medical assistant. So. Hmm.

18. You can cut everything in the season past episode five and skip straight to the epilogue and end up in the same place. This is not because the other episodes are filler. Far from it! The other episodes are great and deliver some amazing set up. But, because the finale does nothing with that set up, it doesn’t go anywhere.

19. And you know what else? From a narrative perspective, there’s no reason for Hunter, Wrecker, and Crosshair to be in these episodes at all. They don’t accomplish anything and make everyone else’s job harder. Omega was doing fine, she would have gotten out with the kids with just Echo and Emerie, and Tarkin was coming to cut off Hemlock’s funding and shut everything down once Hemlock lost control of the facility anyway. I can only suppose that the whole reason they were in this episode ended up getting dropped, too.

20. CX-2. Listen, the answer we get about CX-2 isn’t that he’s not Tech. It’s, “Maybe, maybe not—you don’t get to know.” Because. He’s the only CX whose mask never comes off. After a season and a half worth of buildup of unmasking CXs and people pressing them to learn their names. It’s not a no, it’s a non-answer, which is far less satisfying.

And finally:

21: CX-Tech. I’ve seen some people speculating that there was a planned CX-Tech reveal that got scrapped at the last minute—dropped, along with the other points I’ve already laid out. And, honestly? I have to agree. Despite what the creative team says, because even their denials kind of come out weird (like the Kiners saying that the large brass chord in “Battle of the Snipers” was just a nice sounding brass chord and not a reference to “Plan 99.” They also basically say that the sacrifice theme from “Plan 99” is Tech’s leitmotif. Which. Is all over “Battle of the Snipers.” That theme. Not Crosshair’s. In a scene. Where he’s supposed to be fighting a shadow of himself who Totally Isn’t Tech but we put Tech’s leitmotif here and layered it in Techno music but nooo that was never supposed to be him. Nope. I mean, come on. I’m not stupid).This post is already long enough, so here are some posts by @apocalyp-tech-a pointing out the reasons why I think this was the case, and one by @eriexplosion pointing out why CX-2 as Crosshair’s shadow and only that doesn’t quite work. I don’t need to go over the trail that was laid out again. Up to the finale this was a character that had more screen time—and far more solo screen time—than Echo. Some people will not stop yelling that there was no evidence, and. No. I’m sorry, there was. I can’t agree.

And some people might say, well, okay, the show misdirected you guys and pulled off a twist by having CX-2 be no one, and well, I can’t agree with that either. Twists only function if the twist is more satisfying than the conclusion to which the story seems to be leading. And I’m sorry, you can’t tell me that a season and a half of CX building and three seasons (because I can find set up all the way back in episode one of the show) for Tech survival culminating in what amounts to a boss fight is more satisfying than getting to see Omega have her big brother back. You can’t.

The reason I bring this up last is because, yes, I think CX-Tech was a plot dropped at the last minute, but because I also think that it’s the dropped plot that ripped everything else apart. CX-Tech was an incredibly efficient way to tie up most of the lingering plot threads and dropped character development.

-Crosshair’s guilt? Okay, he faces down the end result of his decision to stay with the empire and possibly something he knew about (Tech would be in this situation because of Crosshair, and were given hints that Crosshair knew) and is finally able to forgive himself because they’re able to save him.

- Hunter’s decision to finally take action and be proactive rather than reactive is validated, because it’s the thing that finally gets him his entire family back.

- Echo saves someone the same way he was saved, and maybe he realizes that it is enough and that he doesn’t have to be a soldier forever.

- Wrecker’s efforts to keep the family together and keep Hunter sane finally pay off.

- Omega is able to protect the people she charges about and finally, finally has all of her brothers.

- Thematically, it rounds off each member of the batch (Omega included) traumatically losing and then taking back their agency in a way that correlates directly to who and how they are as people.

- It also rounds out the OG batchers each being haunted by a failure that has to do with the thing that makes them special.

- You get pushback against “Clone Force 99 died with Tech! We’re not that squad anymore!” because no, it didn’t, and they’re more than a squad, they’re a family.

- It comes around and closes the wound opened in Aftermath and ripped back open by Return to Kamino: they go in for Omega and lose someone, but here, they go in for Omega and get someone back.

- Would allow Tech to close off his lingering threads and finish his character development BECAUSE THOSE REMAINED UNFINISHED.

- Completely subverts the “bury your disabled” trope by making sure we know the character whose disability was explored the most’s life is more important than his death. Seems like an important thing to do in a show that is kind of about disability. Just saying.

- Makes the lack of closure and little mentions of Tech make sense from a storytelling POV because the necessarily catharsis would come from his return.

- And it would actually add some triumph to the ending. Yes, this little family survived. They outlived the war. They’re together, despite every effort to rip them apart. They made it, despite the dark times, despite the Empire, despite what they were made to do and be. They defied all of that. That would have been so, so satisfying.

As is, without Tech, without that CX-Tech reveal, we sort of end up in this weird place where all the themes are half-baked. They are more than soldiers…except Tech, who had to fall out of the story as a soldier (despite us getting the clearest glimpse of what his life outside of soldiering could have been). They get to live how they want…except Tech. They don’t leave their own behind, except Tech that one time. They should value their own lives a little…except Tech. They’re more than a squad, they’re a family…except Tech, the only one besides Omega to say that’s what they are, doesn’t get to see it, and they don’t get to have him around. We begin the series with a broken family and end it with a family broken differently. That’s not dynamic.

So there’s no really punch to the ending. It’s sort of…well, okay, we tortured a family for three seasons I guess. Relieved that the survivors are doing okay, but that’s kind of it.

22. The finale in general is just sort of a bunch of events which happen, but which don’t lead into one other. It’s weird. It’s not that too much happens, it’s that almost nothing happens. Nothing of substance, in a way. The finale is, in a word, the only true filler episode in the entire show.

TL;DR: I think a lot of stuff got dropped from the finale. I don’t know why. I suspect that it might have to do with the strikes—basically, the script was done, most everything was recorded and boarded, and then when the finale was in production they got sudden drastic budget cuts (this was during a time when the studios were disappearing entire completed shows and movies as tax write-offs), had to gut what they had planned, and couldn’t bring the writers or even showrunners in to smooth over what was gutted or to even pick what got taken out. They wouldn’t have gotten to choose or compress things. They were on strike (because the studios wouldn’t negotiate), and whoever did choose ended up just ripping out the stuff that would actually take any time or budget to deal with (so, basically everything I laid out), killing it (literally), and using the remains of what they already had recorded. And who knows how they had to fill in gaps.

But I don’t know for sure. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was a last minute decision to take certain plot points and put them in a different show. Maybe it was executive mandate. Maybe the creative team just sucked the whole time (that’s one I have a hard time buying—we have four other shows and most of this one that tell me that they’re better at their jobs than this). Maybe everyone said screw it, who even cares anymore at the same time.

Maybe nothing happened. Who knows? I strongly suspect something bad did happen behind the scenes that was out of the creative team’s hands—I really do, because that’s the only way I can make sense of this—but until we can get someone talking without six layers of PR and NDAs, we won’t know for sure. All I know is that The Bad Batch is an amazing show with 46 episodes that range from “fine-but-clunky” to “IMMACULATE,” with more leaning towards immaculate than not, and some incredible set up, and one episode so nonsensically bad it makes me want to eat drywall.

It’s just that the one terrible episode comes right at the end.

I love The Bad Batch. I love every single episode and all the things that were set up, but…eh, I think I’ll be ignoring the finale until further notice.

#the bad batch #in which I eviscerate the last episode of my favorite show #this is very negative!#you have been warned!#I did not like the finale!#AT ALL #I will continue to love the show #but that episode is getting memory holed #it’s BAD #in an otherwise remarkably solid and well written show

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eluxcastar · 2 months

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Heyy! May i request dottore x fem!reader who is a Porcelain doll(a puppet like scara but she's made out of Porcelain instead) and likes all those cute feminine stuff and collecting stuff like bows, Porcelain dolls and more. And I wonder if dottore would like the reader being pretty feminine and what's his opinion on Porcelain dolls (don't mind when i did any mistakes, English isn't my native language)

~🎀🧷

Dottore with a doll reader

── ୨୧：il dottore x reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: silly rambles about Dottore and doll reader being cute

୨୧﹑genre :: fluff

୨୧﹑content :: fem reader (no gendered terms really used tho tbh), soft dottore (listen it's my guilty pleasure), reader has the properties of porcelain, not proofread

୨୧﹑words :: 950

THIS ACTUALLY reminds me of one of the very very first drafts I wrote even before Tartaglia's little brotherfication (coincidentally also of Dottore) so this is very fun. That doll was one of Sandrone's creations and I've decided so is this one

this also may hit close to home did I ever mention my slight obsession with dolls (it's worse than slight)

Dottore has fixed you many times, much to his inconvenience.

He has warned you many times against becoming reckless, but you never seem to listen, at least in his eyes. You are by no means fragile—porcelain is hard to chip away at—your habit is simply that of finding danger. Finding it, throwing yourself at it, and landing yourself here in the darkest corners of the Fatui's headquarters so the doctor can carefully string you back together.

A gentle touch is not his forte, the practised hands of a doctor toiling away in his effort to put you back together. You prefer him to Sandrone any day for how much less pain you associate with him. He can scold you all he likes, but it may never work. You'll keep coming back and asking for his help when your strings come loose, and he will oblige your request for reasons that escape even him. It is a simple process now performed practically from memory.

Your habit of collecting frankly worthless items is certainly something. The bows, frilly dresses, and varying spools of lace you always claim you'll do something with and never do all feel normal. The porcelain dolls, on the other hand, are...interesting.

You are a living porcelain doll, and yet you collect them like novelty items. Isn't that like your equivalent of collecting human babies? Whatever it is to you, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones, so he keeps quiet as you fuss over their placement and hair, straighten their clothes or whether you're willing to sacrifice the careful styling of their hair to a pretty hat. It keeps you happy and away from everything dangerous that you seem to always run into.

The truth is, you are not in the slightest delicate despite making yourself seem that way. What you are is heavy, too heavy to always be lifting onto an operating table and too heavy to be lugging your pieces around—porcelain is not light.

However, there is interest to be had in the workings of your construction, which he is reminded of each time he takes you apart and watches you divide into inanimate pieces. You talk to him sometimes, pleasant background noise, or maybe just annoying when you start asking foolish questions he can't possibly answer. He can handle every "What are you doing?" and "Why are you doing that?" but when you begin to show your ignorance regarding your own creation and try to turn to him for answers instead of Sandrone, it frustrates him.

You're supposed to answer his questions.

"She doesn't like my questions," you reason, and he never has to wonder why that is. Your incessant prodding and curiosity would irritate her, as does his indulging of your curiosity. She will complain that you're becoming restless and not as quickly satisfied, but really, nothing much at all has changed.

He can deal with your gravitation toward the things that make you happy if that's what keeps a smile on your face. One might even say he doesn't mind it, even when you pester him to help you tie your bows when they come loose in your hair or listen to your ramblings as you try to get him to help you with your dolls. He's better at tying knots than you. His hands have friction to keep the strings in place, unlike your slippery porcelain hands.

Your habits are endearing in their own way, the satisfaction with things that make you feel...human. You will never be, but the illusion of humanity and the yearning to chase it is not unlike the Segments. They think of themselves as human, believe they are, and exist as though they are human, yet they will never be as human as Prime. The only idea that makes sense is that you are displaying the same behaviour.

It is how Sandrone made you to be.

He can't say he especially blames you for following what your creation dictates. Your presence could bother him more than your interests could, namely a result of your many, many questions. It's not that you're sheltered or ignorant of the world around you—far from it—but most people don't know the nature of the things he works on, and you are no exception. You learned everything by asking, and he presents a wormhole of knowledge that you seek to understand by having him explain everything he's doing to you in great detail.

There's a bargaining that comes with it. Dottore will give you things so long as you stay out of the way, and you'll inspect them with a curious eye because he presents you with what Sandrone keeps you from. That is the only reason he can accept as to why you're talking to him, not that you like his voice and his smile, nor that you find the things he says fascinating or enjoy the light brush of his fingers against yours as he passes you your little 'distrations'. It's enough to watch him.

He complains his hands are always cold, and supposedly so are yours, but you've never felt temperature before. You like the faint glimpses of his scars, soft as his skin. They're not like yours, the closest equivalent being jagged cracks in your limbs that someone has to eventually fix before they worsen into breaks.

Things are comfortable around him. He is used to the odds quirks of sentient, inhuman beings, and a benefit of being around them is that they don't mind how weird he is by most standards.

You are something he can easily get used to lingering around. Despite your similarities to the segments, he must admit that you are far less of a bother.

#♡ — 🎀🧷 anon.#♡ — anon visit.#✦ — headcanons.#✦ — fluff.#dottore #il dottore #dottore x reader #il dottore x reader #dottore x female reader #il dottore x female reader #genshin impact #genshin #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #genshin impact x female reader #genshin x female reader

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chaedomi · 9 months

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Hi I just found your blog and you are so talented, your writing is so immersive you really have a gift, I was wondering if you could write for some yandere oshi no ko? Maybe with the mc being a very famous model, platonic or romantic is fine

LOVEABLE MODEL

WARNINGS . YANDERE, female reader, can be read as platonic or romantic, ooc, hints toward spoilers in manga (and anime for those who have reached a certain point), implied stalking, mostly everything you'd find in a yandere post, unhealthy relationships (if i missed any, kindly alert me)

WORDCOUNT . 2.7k+ / MASTERLIST.

YOU WERE pretty and sensational. You had a diverse career that allowed you to explore different types of styling, keeping the job interesting. You were also a huge influence and an inspiration to many, encouraging them to pursue a career in modeling and to experience various brands of fashion and cosmetics.

However, what attracted people to you the most was not your career, but rather your unique personality and your unparalleled charisma. It was one-of-a-kind, something that would leave people aching for more… similar to a former starry-eyed idol. It's no surprise that you have a ton of admirers, and that includes the odd ones as well.

AQUAMARINE HOSHINO

Let's be real. Model or not, unless you were of use to him or acquainted with his sister, AQUAMARINE would see no necessary need to interact nor get to know you. Why should he care about someone who will eventually fall from stardom?

But, in this case, it was different. Very much so. It was as though time stopped for a split moment when you both passed each other in the school hallways. Faster than his mind could process, his hand was already reaching out to grasp your arm as if he were to let you go, you would disappear for an eternity. Unusual of him. After you overcame your brief surprise from the sudden contact, you offered him a polite smile, eyes twinkling with unspoken mischief… to which he gawked at like an idiot.

How was it possible for you to possess the same charm as 'she' did…? He’s so stunned and in disbelief that he’s incapable of constructing a coherent sentence for some time. No investigations were made to confirm his assumptions… he was THAT convinced. You best believe he made the effort to become associated with you. It wasn’t as though he was desperate to attach himself to you, you noticed, but somehow, he always found a way to be around you, and if on the correct setting, it was beyond unnerving. You shrugged your shoulders at his abnormal behavior, justifying it with a “you’ve handled worse.” By the time it is finally drilled through your thick skull that hey, ‘something is wrong,’ Aqua would have fully wedged himself into your life. Good luck trying to avoid him…

There is an annoying obstacle in the way… namely your career as a model. Not to mention, the large fanbase you have gained over the years. So much as it was very tempting to find shady methods to force you to void your career entirely, the problems that can arise afterward will be more than problematic.

As said, because you remind him of a certain individual, his extreme tendencies will begin to lay on you. Just because he cannot end your career does not mean he cannot become overbearing. The fear of seeing you injured or harmed in any way replays a very unpleasant memory in his head…

He constantly monitors what you do, and whom you choose to interact with, and makes decisions that seem appropriate for you. It's as though you’ve lost your right to free will…

He's aware of how wrong it is. But, to him, it feels like a second chance, to lift some of the burden that he has carried on his shoulders for a while, to rid of the guilt that was slowly destroying him mentally and emotionally. Well, at the very least, he didn't convince himself you were 'her'. Even though there were some strong resemblances in characteristics, it was still easy to nitpick many differences (to him).

RUBY HOSHINO

There's without a doubt, Aqua was only familiar with your existence due to RUBY. A walking and living example of a true stan and diehard fan; god, she was obsessed with you. Magazines, products, advertisements, brands, merch, anything that has your face plastered on it, she’s out to grab it all… what she can afford, by the way. Your hair! Your lips! Your EYES! How can someone be this attractive!? Forget Model… someone put you in a museum for you to be admired by millions, quick!

As you can tell, Ruby has quite an attachment to you. And this is her without the yandere tendencies included. It was terrifying and had the potential to creep out anyone unfortunate enough to listen to one of her passionate rants. Other than her fawning over you for your glorious visage, there was another reason as to why she acted the way she did. You were just like 'her', the way you spoke, the way you moved, everything was down to par. It filled her mind with memories of 'her' helping her cope through dark times, and you were too doing the same, distracting her from the negativity that threatened to cloud her mind. At some point… she fully believed that you were 'her' in another body. You just had to be! Explain the similarities! It took thorough reasoning for her to understand that the possibilities were low. You were around her age, so by the time 'she' passed away, it would have been too late for that to happen.

On the day of school, it came as a big shock to her seeing so many famous faces inside the premises. But the biggest one of them all was when you walked inside her classroom all smiles, apologizing to the teacher for your tardiness. Shit… was she actually inside a dream right now!? She pinched and twisted her skin for good measure. Nope! She was alive and conscious! There’s no room for argument, she most definitely did snap a couple of pictures from where she seated, behind you. Somehow, she mustered up the courage to converse with you after class, falling deeper into her admiration for you.

Unlike her brother who saw your career as a nuisance, she fully supports you to continue all the way! In addition to that, it's a massive stroke to the ego that she had the privilege to bask in your presence while the majority had limitations. Do you know how many people would kill just to breathe the same air as you, The Loveable Model?

Turns out, Ruby can make for a dangerous yandere. Once Ruby puts her mind into something, the results made afterward are so impressive that it’s scary… But, it’s not like she’ll ever need that to happen, as long as you vow to stay by her side, she’ll make no drastic attempts to prevent herself from losing something as she previously did.

KANA ARIMA

For KANA, at first, it was an in-between… Although it was not to the extent of Ruby, she was a fan of yours… you were just too entrancing! You’re the reason why she went through many style phases, buying useless shit she didn’t need, wearing expensive brand clothing that you featured in… you get the main idea. Sooner or later she had to stop as she noticed the money she made from her child career quickly diminishing the more she allowed herself to indulge in her fan side for you. Begrudgingly she put a halt to it, still buying your magazines every now and then.

The other half is completely sour when she sees how whipped Aqua is for you. (she totally doesn’t question if Aqua’s attachment to you was romantic or not…) She kind of gets it; your personality, your looks, and your status as a famous model, you were a ten. But, there was a difference between love and admiration, so you were some sort of rival to her.

Fear not, Kana gets past that, clinging onto you instead as she got to know you in person. It was bound to happen. Kana was already ‘under your charm’, so it was only a matter of time before that admiration morphed into an obsession. Kana can be very clingy and manipulative. Manipulative in the sense that she uses her sad-sob backstory to ground you by her side. The majority of her supporters are now her anti-fans, she doesn’t have her parents around, and now you, the idol she looks up to, want to leave her too!? You wouldn’t do that to your lovely supporter, right?

Kana wouldn’t care about your career too much, she understands what it’s like to really love your job, so she doesn’t complain a lot. As long as you treat her kindly and remember her, she is content. Please.

MINAMI KOTOBUKI

It's like, the calmer the individual is, the uglier their hidden side will be. And MINAMI will not be excluded from that logic. There is no doubt that Minami was affiliated with you due to her status as a pin-up model. On some weird, rare occasions, you would find yourself as her partner for a certain aesthetic for a photoshoot. So, yes… you knew each other to an extent.

What you couldn't wrap your head around was the fact you always felt a sense of unease around her. She out of all people. Why? She's an absolute sweetie, gentle and pure at heart. She always compliments you on how you look and praises you for the work you put in toward modeling. She goes on further to say she can see why people adore you so much.

There's nothing for you to worry about… except for the glaringly obvious issue that her eyes seem to follow whatever movement you make. It could be the twitch of a finger or any minority; glance to the side and there are pink doe eyes already staring holes into your face. Or when you're seated in the courtyard and just so happen to look at the corner nearby and see Minami there, who smoothly brushes it off with a friendly wave.

It was fine to you, till you began to see those pink doe eyes in the more uncanny places, namely restaurants you're in, or your job… you could swear you saw those pink eyes somewhere inside your house one time. But as you blinked, they vanished. As you take a peek at Minami who catches your gaze and laughs brightly, you can't help but wonder if it was just your imagination and you were overreacting…

FRILL SHIRANUI

Hmm… This one is a bit tricky. You see, FRILL doesn't tend to expose much of an expression or a reaction. You never know what's going through her head or how she feels about something till she bluntly puts it into words.

She's also affiliated with you because of your careers, (the magazines of hers and you are always trendy and are the most popular) so you weren't awkward or tense around her. It's just… Why is she looking at you like that? It's similar to Minami in the sense her eyes never leave you, but there is a layer of coldness in her gaze, in addition to the slight furrow of her eyebrows.

You thought she hated you. For what? You didn't know. It couldn't be career-wise, she had a great number of followers and need not be concerned about you overthrowing her. She didn't come across as the petty type either.

What did you choose to do about the matter? Simple. You approached her with a blinding smile, getting straight to the point. That day you got to witness a sight you'd never think you'd receive an opportunity to.

Embarrassment. She got embarrassed and the light blush that crept its way to her cheeks had you staring in astonishment. It was out of character for her, much more the difficulty she had to fumble out a proper sentence.

You just left for your next class as the bell rang because wow, that was unexpected. It was cute to watch, seeing Frill become so soft-spoken around you. Who knew that a high-ranked celeb like her looked up to and admired you too!?

You're so amused by her change of personality that you don't notice the icy glares she shoots toward people daring enough to take another step closer to you…

AKANE KUROKAWA

Another person who viewed you as a rival due to how whipped Aqua was for you. It didn’t matter whether Aqua’s attachment to you was platonic or romantic, the undivided attention Aqua gave you was something AKANE dreamed of having. So, when the chance arrived for her to develop a new character for the reality show she was featuring, she jumped at the opportunity to become what Aqua desired in a person. Spending hours studying your character, she aspired to impersonate you. Sadly, it didn’t work as well as she thought it would. Of course, she could never compare to you and your charisma. You were beautiful, very famous… there are just some things you cannot copy.

Initially, it was disappointment over Aqua’s lackluster reaction to her change, after all, she thought this a good way to pay him in return for what he did for her. Later, as she began to develop romantic feelings for him, the disappointment morphed into frustration. She felt like a loser all over again… No effort will make him adore her as she wants him to… So, she gave up.

Strangely enough, you managed to weasel your way into her heart in place of Aqua. She didn’t know what to make of it at first, frozen with a pale blush on her face when you praised her for her work. The way her heart thudded against her chest… she didn’t even react like that to the boy she so claimed to like. Perhaps he wasn’t the one she should waste her time on…

Even though Akane is considered one of the more ‘dangerous’ yanderes with her high intellect and analyzing skills, she’s pretty much harmless. In the nicest way I can say it, Akane is akin to a loyal devotee of some sort… As in whatever you desire, Akane will try her best to provide it, impersonation or not.

Akane is familiar with your works (god, BLESS the photographers for capturing your elegant essence in the most perfect angles), and is amazed, but she's not that into it??? Maybe if you were to branch out into her area of acting, the hype would be stronger… That doesn't mean you should stop in any way though! Continue to pose and look pretty while she appreciates (read as obsesses over) the sight. However, if your career were to ever… become an obstacle between you both, THAT will get her FULL attention.

BONUS: AI HOSHINO

In this scenario, let's pretend you were around the age when AI was still alive. Let's think about this. Suppose you had a terrible childhood without correct familial guidance, or experienced situations that resulted in you being unable to feel and express love properly.

Now, imagine you came across a person who made you feel the very emotions that you desperately sought out. Would you want to distance yourself from that person, especially when they granted you something you've been seeking for so long?

The answer is no, and that's exactly what Ai did. By far, the worst one out there. She isolates you, she breaks your bonds with other people, and when you try to voice your complaints about her actions, she has the audacity to play innocent, baffled by your accusations.

A master with her words too, you would point fingers at her, the bad guy, and somehow, the argument would end with you apologizing and her rubbing your back gently as a large smile spreads on her face.

Surprisingly, she was the one who encouraged you to pursue a career in the entertainment industry. You agreed, thinking she was being normal for a change, but then later found out it was for her to spend time with you without consequences… Who would complain about two famous celebs hanging out with each other!? Not that she had a problem maintaining a lie, she just wanted the easier route.

It was very shameful that you felt a sense of satisfaction over the announcement of her funeral. Too bothered by the things she did while she was alive to you, the news deserved a celebration instead.

You lived a few more years of your life in peace. However, the day both of her children arrived on your front doorstep, it made you realize that Ai had no intentions of leaving you alone, allowing her children to replace the role she owned in your life. Even in death she still found a way to trouble you…

©chaedomi. please do not modify, edit, copy or reproduce any of the works published.

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autumnnnsun · 5 months

Text

Now that I’ve finished reading Hortus de Escapismo and Executor’s record, I really gotta ramble about Executor for a second and kinda talk abt how Arknights handles his lack of empathy trait that I really enjoy. This isn’t a proper analysis or anything just my thoughts I wanna vomit for a sec.

So it’s implied in Executor’s record that he just, wasn’t born having empathy despite being a sankta. Or at least he just naturally doesn’t have the same levels of understanding of emotion as other sankta. The part that I really like about it is how Executor’s Record and story in general doesn’t portray that as a necessarily bad thing.

His lack of empathy allows him to think in a way that is a lot more unique than other sankta. When his partner in his record story told him to sacrifice him, he still brought his body back to Laterano. One of the reason being because of a specific sentence in the will they were enacting (“I hope all Laterans return back to their home.” Smth that most people would assume is just smth the will writer wrote for some extra literary flare) but also because he disregarded his partner’s feelings. His lack of empathy is the reason why he did something good and that is very interesting to me especially when most people tend to demonise having low/no empathy.

I also just really like how in his record story, it’s emphasised that he knows what emotions ARE. He has developed a system with his parents to recognise and visualise emotions by drawing lines that represent them. He knows what it is, he can recognise it to a level where he can think of the next best course of action when confronted with it, he just doesn’t put much importance on it nor does he bother with understanding it for the most part. Especially if it’s something that will get in the way of his job. And I REALLY like that cus it reminds me of how people irl that have low empathy will develop systems to work around it and still be kind.

I know a lot of us joke about Executor being autistic and that’s funny and I like the jokes as much as everyone else, but low or no empathy is a trait of other mental disorders and disabilities and even as someone that hasn’t been diagnosed with anything yet it still feels kinda nice to see low empathy being portrayed in a way that isn’t villanious.

In fact, Executor having low empathy kinda makes him the best person in the room sometimes especially in Hortus de Escapismo. The part where he does a warning shot at Oren and Lemuen and essentially goes “Can ya’ll STOP I’m trying to do my JOB.” And essentially manages to stop a massacre because of it is so funny but also so fucking hype bruv. I like how in the end of the event when Executor was starting to ask more questions and have more doubts and was starting to let emotions affect his actions a bit more, it isn’t framed as like “Oh mah gerd, he’s learning empathy and being more hooman!”

Instead he’s asking questions and seeking to find solutions to them in his own unique way. Asking around and adding more variables to his thought process like a computer would (which has some implications that gets my lore brain churning but hrghrghrgh)

Top it all of with the fact that he is specifically a character that is born and raised in a society that values empathy. Being able to feel other people’s emotions is what makes you a sankta. And Executor, is one of the better sanktas because he doesn’t follow that rule.

God I love Executor, go son, thrive.

#autumnstext #arknights #executor #executor the ex foedere

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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Am I an asshole because I told someone to shut the hell up about his autism?

Now, please read this before making your vote.

I (21 F) started going back to school recently, I signed up for classes late because it took so long for the paperwork and processes to be finalized. I was taking a speech class in the morning and we had to do a group project in class. Now, I spoke with the professor and told her I did not do well in group projects because I either get treated like literal crap or I do all the work. She said she didn't care, either I join a group or get a 0. Someone (20 M) was watching, we'll call him Ed for clarity. I asked if I could join Ed's group and he said yes. I tried being really nice to Ed and waited for our group members to meet with us after class. He showed me which music he liked and I said it was nice. So, during the entire time period of this project I would meet a lot with my group mates and we'd do the project. It was very difficult because professor wanted over 10 resources and a certain length for the report, then to top it off a PowerPoint we'd be presenting too. Ed did a lot of things to make me feel very uncomfortable, but my group mates ignored it and didn't say anything. He'd talk about how he visited the dark web and looked into hitmen. Then he showed us an intro to a porno. I felt very uncomfortable and mentioned it to the other girl in our group, she said she would talk with the other boys in our group about it (they all had been friends since highschool except Ed) , she said the assignment did require us to find an intro that was terrible, but maybe a porno intro was too much. The assignment in question was basically a research project about why introductions are very important. They ended up choosing some 90's tv show intro, I don't remember which one it was, just that the show got 2 seasons and the intro was too stereotypical for the time. During the time Ed would send me random "hi"s and he added/followed me on all my social media. He would comment on everything and would try to make conversations on them when I wouldn't text back. I kept the texts as bland as possible. Ed just gave me a bad vibe and kept doing shit to make me uncomfortable. Now here's where the autism part comes in. I was talking to a guy I had a crush on instagram and I guess Ed noticed. So Ed basically calls me and asks if I'm not attracted to him because he has autism. I said what the hell and hung up. It made me feel so uncomfortable then he started bringing up his autism on all my photos, posts, tweets, you name it. I didn't know what to do anymore. Ed kept blowing up my phone too. He'd message me every 5 mins and would get mad when I wouldn't answer right away. So back to my crush, Ed messaged him I wasn't interested in dating him! Like dude! So my crush says he doesn't have time for immaturity and blocks me despite me trying to defuse and apologize hundreds of times for that. So I asked for some advice and basically I got that his autism was making him act like that. I don't want to sound ableist, I'm sorry if I give off that impression, but enough was enough. I told him to fuck off or else I'd get the authorities and school involved since what he was doing was harassment. He said he can't harass since he has autism so I told him to shut the hell up about his autism since it wasn't a "get out of jail" card so i finally blocked him everywhere. I don't know if I'm being an asshole or maybe I'm just not patient or equip to handle Ed? Even then, I am in no shape or form attracted to Ed nor was I ever. Now I just never want him bothering me again.

#aita #am i the asshole

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moonrisecoeur · 6 months

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Okay literally love ALL OF YOUR WRITINGS OF LEON. Hes so cute and i think you describe him so very well. I kinda wanna request something of him having a mommy kink yk? Cause like he seems like the type to say mama during it yk? BUT YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT!! I wanna let you have freedom.

awhhh thank you!! i appreciate u !! this is kinda short srry!!

vanilla is not boring, especially with leon. it’s easy, gentle, natural. you’re soft with each other, holding onto the other’s body and never letting them go, wet kisses lining each others necks and chests and thighs as you make love.

you haven’t been dating the blonde long enough to indulge in both of your fantasies and kinks, but you could probably make the guess that leon leaned a little bit more submissive. it’s not that he didn’t have it in him to take control, because you know he could, that despite his shy demeanor he was a caretaker and protector at heart. he wanted to care for you and give you everything.

but every time you’d kiss his neck, it’s like his mind would shut off just a little bit. you’d ask him something and he’s never felt so dumb in his life, trying to piece together the sounds coming out of your mouth and make them into words. he’s rarely successful. he ends up unable to give you a proper answer or response and just laughs nervously, which turns into a weak moan when you kiss him again at the same spot.

he’s easy. not a complicated lover in the slightest. figuring him out is not a complex puzzle. he’s vocal, so you always know what he likes and what’s not really doing it for him. which isn’t much, because he likes mostly anything you do with him.

“i want to ask you something,” he says one day, and it piques your interest, so you listen intently, “i have a request… for something we could add into the bedroom.”

“okay, sure, what is it?” you ask. you’ll try to be open minded if it’s something weird, but leon’s shy, so he’s probably going to ask for something simple, like a different position or something.

he takes a deep breath and braces himself, clearly nervous, “i want to call you… mommy. if you would be okay with that.”

silence, for just a moment. his dignity is bruised more and more as you process what he’s saying. he doesn’t mean to take your silence as rejection but that’s what it is without the context of your internal monologue.

you imagine it, for a brief moment, thinking of the things he’d say. yes, mommy, whatever you say. i’m yours. i’m your… good boy, i’m mommy’s good boy. it’s no less than tantalizing to think about.

“uhhh.. hey, could you at least say… something?”

“shit, i’m sorry, it’s just-” you stutter, and he looks at you expectantly.

please, mommy. i’m… really sensitive. please be gentle…

god the image of him begging, not even for anything in particular, is excruciating in the best way possible. it’s painful that he’s not already begging for you.

“i would… i would really like it if you did that. if you called me mommy,” you tell him, and he has half the mind to not believe you considering your weird silence, “i’m sorry, i’ve handled this interaction incredibly wrong, it’s just- i keep thinking about you saying it and it keep making my mind go blank.”

“it… it does?”

“yes,” you groan, coming closer to him, hands on his waist as he naturally wraps his arms around you, “i can’t think when i imagine you saying it, like, in context.”

“can i.. can i say it now?” he asks, and you don’t know why he’s bothering to ask for permission, “please?”

you nod. a moment passes as he gathers himself.

he looks at you with reverent eyes, half-lidded with a pleasure he knows will come but hasn’t hit yet, “mommy,” he whispers, his voice light and fragile, “please, mommy. i need you.”

"need me? yeah? show me, show me how badly you need me, baby," you press your fingers into his skin as you caress him, digging into his pliant muscles, his body contorting to your will, "show mommy how badly you need her, and maybe she'll take pity on you."

—

leon cries out, holding onto you for dear life as you bury his cock even deeper inside of you, it feels like you’re planning to ride him until he passes out, “fuck, fuck, fuck- mommy- please!”

“please what, baby?” you ask, smiling softly, but you sound so condescending. leon doesn’t know what to think, if he can even do so. every time a coherent thought comes to his head, it dissipates into the pleasure encircling him. he feels drunk. he’s close to crying and he’s not sure exactly what he’s begging for.

“can… can i cum, mommy?” he whimpers, his voice low and nervous, like he’s still scared you wouldn’t like this part of him, this side of him he hides behind his tough and composed facade.

"hmm.. do you think you deserve to?"

a double edged sword. there's no good options here, "mommy, please... i'm your good boy, aren't i? please..."

you brush a piece of hair out of his face, running your fingers through his hair, and tugging on the hairs at the base of his neck, “awh, sweetheart, you can’t hold it in? c’mon, try to hold back for mommy, it’ll feel so much better if you wait for it. mommy knows best.”

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teyums · 1 year

Text

Contagious ✽ Lo’ak Sully

wc: 8.4k

pairing: lo’ak x fem! na’vi reader (characters are aged up for plot purposes)

contains: angst, slight enemies to lovers trope, some language, and fluff of course <3

warnings: none, slight hinting of intimate feelings if you squint

a/n: Requested? No. THIS IS THE CUTEST THING I’VE EVER WRITTEN. also testing out different spacing with my works so lmk if you guys like this spacing better!

“Absolutely not.”

“Hard pass.”

You both spoke in unison, immediately denying the ridiculous suggestion that came from the mouths of your mothers before you could even think about it. There was no way on Pandora you were going to spend more than five minutes, let alone three whole days alone with this man in the woods.

You refused, you wouldn’t stand for this. Your mother sighed, the shortness of her breath indicating that the decision wasn’t up for debate. “You should be open to the idea, [Y/n]. Lo’ak is a fine warrior and a skilled hunter. I think he could teach you a lot. So the two of you need to set aside your differences and work it out, just for a few days.” She said, Neytiri’s voice chiming in behind her in agreement.

You were never very interested in hunting. You harbored the skill, of course, but you much preferred weaving or crafting over shooting unsuspecting animals with poisonous arrows.

Lo’ak huffed out a humorless laugh, gesturing over to you with his hand while he addressed his mother. “Why me, Ma? Why can’t one of the others help her? Even Tuk knows how to shoot an arrow!”

“Enough, Lo’ak. It is decided.” Neytiri said, and the look in her eyes confirmed that she was not budging.

He kissed his teeth, dragging a hand down his face and covering his mouth before he could say something that would get him in trouble. As if that was the only way he could control his tongue. You glanced over at him, furrowing your brows while he only stared straight ahead at the wall of the hut— now completely detached from the conversation with a locked jaw.

You looked to your mom as a silent plea, only to receive a pointing stare back that caused you to quietly hiss in distaste. You were the first to exit the elders’ tent upon dismissal, the lanky Sully boy unwillingly trailing behind you.

Once you were far enough to make sure you were out of earshot, you turned around to face him. Trying to lighten the mood. “I guess three days isn’t so bad, right? At least we already know each other. It’s not like I’m a stranger or anything.”

“If I had a choice between three days with you, or getting yelled at by my mom, I think we both know I would’ve chosen the latter.” He grumbled, pushing past you and bumping into your shoulder in the process.

You caught your footing before you could stumble back, spinning on your heels to face him again. “Jeez, Lo’ak! Do you have to be such an asshole all the time?”

He ignored you, like usual, and continued along the path to wherever he was headed. You felt your eye twitch with a vengeance, pursing your lips and taking a sharp breath inwards to quiet the urge you had to send the wood of your bow flying into the back of his head.

It hadn’t always been like this between you two, and honestly you couldn’t understand where it all went wrong. You and Lo’ak grew up as pretty good friends, considering your mothers were the best of them. They expected you and Lo’ak to grow up and be each other’s mates. Often pairing the both of you together to complete simple tasks around the village that could easily use one person, which only helped in solidifying the strength of your bond. And honestly, you were never opposed to the idea of it, and even found yourself starting to like him.

You often explored the forest together, even when you were young. Allowing him to show you all his secret spots and hiding places he ran to when the heat at home was too much for him to handle. In actuality, you were his escape.

“Come on, [Y/n]! Try to keep up!” A young Lo’ak yelled from a branch above, laughing and dodging your attempt to grab at his tail.

“Wait for me, Lo’ak! You’re too fast!” You groaned, jumping up to grab a branch with your hands and pulling yourself up the rest of the way. You watched him hop onto a cliff and you followed, hands resting on your knees while you tried to catch your breath.

“Catch me if you can, slowpoke!” The young sully teased, darting through the vast foliage and hopping over fallen trunks.

You weren’t one to back down from a challenge, especially not from Lo’ak. Whenever the two of you would play games with each other and he’d win, he would hold it against you for weeks and rub it in your face. You lifted your head, seeing his tail be the last of him to disappear into the trees “You’re on, Sully!” You took one last deep breath, pushing off your feet and starting to run in the same direction he had.

You memorized his movements so you could go faster, ducking where he had and shoving giant leaves from your view. However, you miscalculated a step, the front of your foot hooking under a mossy log and sending you tumbling forward into the dirt below you.

Hearing your footsteps closing in, Lo’ak picked up speed so you wouldn’t be able to catch him. But as he readied himself to climb another tree, he heard a thud. He paused, turning around to look behind him and brows pinching when he didn’t seen you. “[Y/n]?” He called out, eyes widening when he heard a series of whines sound out in response instead of your usual cheery voice. “Oh shoot,” He mumbled, sprinting back to where he had last left you.

“Ow ow ow!” You cried profusely, pushing yourself off the ground so you could sit up. You winced and pulled your bruised knee to your chest, lip trembling at the sight of blood appearing from a small gash in your skin.

“Oh no,” Lo’ak’s eyes widened at the sight of you covered in dirt, dropping down next to you with a worried look on his face. “Are you okay? What happened?” His voice was soft, both of his hands cautiously holding your leg while he studied how deep the wound was.

“I tripped over a log and fell…” You whined, using the back of your hand to wipe your tears.

He instantly looked up when he heard you sniffle. “No no no, please don’t cry…” His face was tense as he appeared to be in deep thought. He exhaled in preparation, leaning forward and placing a chaste kiss to the side of your knee, away from your broken skin. “There,” He backed up, cheeks flushing to match yours. “That’s what my mommy does when I get hurt, and it usually helps me feel better… Did it work?”

A small smile spread on your lips and your tears dried up, face rosy when you nodded your head. “Y-yeah. I guess it does feel a little better. Thanks, Lo’ak.”

He flashed a toothy grin, excited that you were feeling better and rising to his feet. A small, four-fingered hand extended out to help you up, and you slid your tiny palm into his. Brushing the dirt off your legs with the other. “We don’t have to play anymore if you don’t wanna-” He said, the rest of his sentence cut off when you shoved past him, into his shoulder and darted along the path.

“Catch me if you can, penis face!” You giggled, squealing when he yelled your name and began to chase after you.

Life as best friends with Lo’ak was never boring. In fact he was the one who introduced you to having fun in the first place. You knew him to be snarky, painfully sarcastic. But never cold.

There was a sweet side to him that he would let you take a glance at here and there, behind all the name calling. Could he be aggravating at times, and maybe a little mean with the teasing? Yes, but never cold. So when he suddenly stopped treating you like a friend one day and instead no more than a stranger— saying you were confused would be putting it lightly. All you could chalk it down to was puberty. Maybe the new influx of hormones had made him… less social?

You were hurt, you couldn’t deny it. There was something different about him, something he wasn’t letting you in on, like a switch you didn’t know existed had flipped in his mind. Coincidentally as soon as you hit the age where men began to court you, he fell off the face of the planet entirely.

Losing him pained you deeply, he had always been there to help you with any issues you had. Eager to give you advice on any situation you needed another perspective on, or just cheer you up with his rambunctious attitude. There were so many times you wanted to stop and ask him what happened, if you had done something wrong. But you knew he’d look straight through you like he always did nowadays.

The walk home was silent. You were definitely not looking forward to this three day trip you had no choice but to partake in. You wouldn’t have minded if your mom chose one of the other warriors, because being around Lo’ak only became increasingly more awkward as time went on.

For someone who previously had so much to talk to you about in the past, he was awfully closed off in your presence. You shook yourself out of your daydreaming and began searching through your tent. Packing just a few things. Some extra clothes, a quiver of arrows, and spare string for your bow just in case. You grabbed the strap and slung it over your shoulder, next lifting a woven pouch over your head and crossing it over your body.

Pushing past the flaps that served as an entrance to your home. You felt the daytime breeze hit your face and a wave of peace washed over you. Until you turned your head to the side to see a particular male leaned against the outside wall of your hut, arms crossed over his chest.

“Took you long enough.”

“Oh my-” You jumped, startled by his voice and bringing a hand up to clutch your chest to make sure your heart hadn’t jumped through your ribcage. “Jesus, Lo’ak! Were you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Nah,” He snorted at your reaction, pushing himself off and walking ahead without you. “I think you’re just a wuss.” You swore you heard the smirk oozing out of his tone. Rolling your eyes and starting off after him, having to do a slight jog to catch up as his strides were much longer than yours due to the length of his legs.

One condition to the three day trip included not being able to use your Ikrans. Your mothers insisted you hiked on foot, saying it would be a good refresher of the land. You walked next to him in silence, keeping your stare straight ahead and grumbling to yourself when the strap of your quiver began to slip off your shoulder for the third time.

He turned to look at you curiously, eyes falling to the case of arrows you were carrying. “Gimme that,” Before you could answer his hand was over your shoulders, grasping the strap in his hands and pulling it off your arm. He tilted his head to the side to swish his braids out of the way, throwing your arrows over his shoulder that was already carrying his own.

You stared at him with a confused expression, having to remind yourself to keep your feet moving. “I was perfectly fine carrying that on my own, you know.”

“Was just being nice.” He sighed, not even bothering to meet your gaze while he spoke.

“Yeah, that’s rich coming from you.” You muttered under your breath with folded arms, not missing the way his ear twitched, jaw tensing at your words. You thought you said it quiet enough, but by the look on his face, he definitely heard you. You figured you’d keep the banter to a minimum for the rest of the way to your campsite.

After about thirty minutes you arrived at a secluded part of the forest where not many animals came through. Fauna dressed with various shades of greens and browns that encased the area, the forest floor mossy and soft against the soles of your feet.

You took a deep breath and looked around, inhaling the air that seemed much fresher around you from all the vegetation. Lo’ak had already gotten busy setting up, crouching down to set your equipment against the base of a tree trunk. You plopped down into a sitting position and sighed in relief. He walked so fast that you damn near had to sprint the entire way here.

Two bows in hand, he silently walked past where you were sitting and started on his way back into the trees. Invested in the colorful wildflowers surrounding your feet, you hadn’t noticed he was no longer in front of you until you looked up to see your bows gone, as well as him. “Lo’ak?” You whipped your head around with a hint of fear in your voice, trying to figure out which direction he had went.

“Come on, hurry up!” He yelled out, your ears perking up once you realized he hadn’t travelled far. You sighed and forced yourself to stand, quickly skipping through the forest to catch up with him.

His behavior was so odd, it was only making you more agitated by the second. You angrily stared at his back, having to look away shortly after once your mind unexpectedly jumped from how annoying he was to how his muscles flexed when he walked.

It really had been long since the two of you were alone, because you hadn’t remembered his shoulders being this broad, or his legs this toned. Training with Neteyam and his father was clearly paying off.

You pointed your chin up when he turned around to hand you your bow, rolling your lips into themselves and trying not to blush at the fact that he almost caught you staring.

“Here,” He pushed it in your direction, not letting go until your hand wrapped around the curve of the wood and took it from his grasp.

You followed closely behind him, looking up to see lemurs swinging from branch to branch while the wild life croaked and screeched around you. He suddenly slowed in pace, causing you to almost stumble into his back while his knees bent slightly, taking long strides while keeping his eyes pinned on the ground below him. His head low.

You peered around curiously, trying to get a look at his face. “What are you doing?”

“Shh, tracking.” He muttered.

You paused. “Why?”

“You want to eat, don’t you?” He responded, irritated.

“I was just asking a question, no need to get your panties in a bunch.” Grumbling, you ducked your head under a low-hanging branch after he did.

“I don’t wear panties.” He huffed, swiftly equipping an arrow to the string of his bow and preparing to pull it back. He must have spotted something you hadn’t.

“Could’ve fooled me, cause for the last four months you’ve kinda been acting like a bitch-“ Your eyes darted in the direction where leaves rustled, sighing when you saw the small hexapede he was planning on piercing with an arrow skit past the two of you. Disappearing into the trees due of the volume of your voice.

“God, ugh!” He dropped his bow to his side, head snapping around to look at you with the most agitated expression you’ve ever seen him wear. “Do you ever stop talking? Like, genuinely asking here. If you had just shut up with the questions we wouldn’t have lost our dinner.”

You swallowed the spit pooling in your mouth and bit the inside of your cheek, only looking down at your feet and mumbling a nearly non-existent ‘sorry’. Had you stayed looking up, you wouldn’t have missed the look of regret that flashed across his face. You felt your heart pinch at the venom in his tone and decided against speaking up again.

Eclipse had fallen over the sky about an hour later, the both of you trudging to the campsite with a couple fish skewered onto your arrows. The journey back was excruciatingly silent. You hadn’t dared to make a peep after seeing how much you pissed him off earlier. He attempted to make some side comments during the hike to spark up a conversation, but you were so tuned out from the present situation that his words fell on deaf ears.

You now sat with your back against the bark of a burly tree, keeping yourself busy by continuing to weave a top you had previously been working on back at home. You were glad you thought to bring it with you, not knowing you would need something to occupy you from looking up and catching the pair of eyes that were boring holes into your forehead like lasers.

He sighed as he watched you, guilt burning in the pit of his stomach as if he were in hell. You forgot that he knew you, forgot that he knew you would distract yourself with random tasks just to avoid speaking on something that bothered you. He hadn’t meant to snap like that, and honestly you weren’t even the reason for his irritability. He just took it out on you on accident.

“You hungry?” He held up a freshly roasted fish, beckoning it towards you and assuming you could see him even though your gaze was downcast into your work.

“Nope.” You muttered.

“Why?”

“Big lunch.” Your movements became slightly jagged at his questioning.

“That’s bullshit. You never eat lunch.” He scoffed.

You threw the top you were working on down in front of you and huffed in frustration. Why was he acting like he still knew you as if this entire time it hadn’t been his mission to become strangers again?

“You wanna know what’s bullshit, Lo’ak? Us being friends since childhood, spending almost everyday together and then suddenly you stop talking to me at all. You treat me like a complete stranger and I don’t even understand why.” His eyes left yours and settled on the fish in front of him, as if this was suddenly his first time seeing one. He was quiet for a beat, making you huff out an aggravated breath and throw your hands up at the futile attempt to get him to speak.

“I’m sorry.” He finally mumbled.

You blinked, waiting for him to continue, eyebrows raising in disbelief when he didn’t. “That’s it? You’ve been treating me like I’m the bane of your existence for months now and all you can say is sorry? You missed my Uniltaron when you promised you’d be there for me, and now all you can say is sorry?” You laughed bitterly, standing up before he could form an answer to your rhetorical question. Eyes pinning him in place as you watched his body shift to stand. “Don’t follow me.” You held a hand up to stop him, stalking away before you could blow a fuse. You weren’t planning to go far, you just needed to be away from him for a bit.

Lo’ak sat in that same spot the entire time you were gone, his appetite dissipating while he stared down at his hands in shame. He didn’t know what he expected, but all he knew was he felt bad for hurting your feelings to this point. It was one of the things he hated about himself the most, his irrational decisions that never considered the other party’s feelings.

Honestly, he thought so little of himself that he assumed you wouldn’t be bothered by his absence. But now that he was rehashing the details over in his mind he felt like an idiot. Of course it bothered you, the two of you were attached at the hip and best friends who did almost everything together, until he let the discouraging words of others get into his head.

His previously slumped body sat up as he saw you re-emerge from the trees, guilt rushing over him once more because your avoidant eyes still refused to meet his.

He looked up at the moon, realizing it was getting late and starting to put the fire out. You lowered yourself to the mossy grass, sliding down until the soft blades tickled your back. You discreetly watched Lo’ak do the same, along with putting a few feet of space between the two of you as he could nearly feel the anger radiating off your body.

With the fire now put out, the draft that travelled through the air made small goosebumps prick at your skin. And with shut eyes you curled your body into itself to capture as much heat as you could. Lo’ak laid next to you with his back flat against the grass, hands resting on his middle and gaze glued to the twinkling stars above. He allowed his eyes to come to a close but just a few moments after they did, they snapped back open and looked in your direction at the sound of you shuffling around.

“You’re cold.” He stated. The words coming out as an observation and not a question.

“I am not.” How fast you answered made it easy for him to know you weren’t telling the truth.

“You’re a terrible liar, and I can hear your teeth chattering from over here.” He sighed, propping himself up on an elbow and talking to your back. “You know you catch colds easily, [Y/n]. So c’mere.”

Your eyes opened at his suggestion and your body tensed, but not from the brisk air blowing against your skin. “And what’s that gonna do?” Cringing at how pathetic your voice sounded. You had planned on coming off assertive and uninterested.

“Warm you up?” He looked around as if the answer were obvious, and it was. But for some reason you felt… shy. You and him were once friends, so close to the point where hugging or holding hands had became normal. You’d even sat in his lap a few times. So now that you were sure the two of you no longer favored each other, why would this feel any different?

“Come on, my mom will skin me if I bring you home sick. It’s not a big deal.” He tacked that on for good measure, clearing his throat to push down the weird fuzzy feeling that was traveling up the column of his neck when you slowly sat up. Only half convinced at his reasoning, you reluctantly scooted over towards him, daring not make eye contact.

His lips almost curling up into his usual sideways smile was a sight you tried your best to ignore, witnessing it from the corner of your eye as you moved. Having the intense urge to smack it off his face but gently laying your body down next to his in order to control yourself. He cautiously wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer and inviting your head to lay on his chest.

You inhaled through your nose, unknowingly holding your breath when his warm hand came in contact with your skin, while he respectfully rested it just below your shoulders. You kept your arms tucked into yourself, legs laid out straight and your cheek pressed against the azure barrier between you and his beating heart.

You instinctively snuggled in closer, silently grateful for the comforting warmth radiating off his body and he could feel it when you relaxed in his hold, just like you used to. You had forgotten what it felt like to be this close to him. Soaking in the lullaby of his soft breaths and you hated how much you missed it.

The ear pressed to his chest picked up on a slight increase in his heart rate, and you threw a remark out just to keep the energy from shifting into weird grounds. “This doesn’t change anything, by the way. I’m still mad at you. I just hate being sick.”

He stared down at your body in close proximity to his, nose nuzzled into your soft hair as discreetly as possible while he mentally kicked himself for being dumb enough to ruin something like this for himself. Giving you the cold shoulder in the past just to quell his own feelings had been one of his stupidest decisions yet. “Yeah, I know.” He swallowed, his hand hesitantly reaching to stroke up and down your arm. “I am sorry though, [Y/n]. Really.” His apology was layered.

You bit your lip, feeling the urge to respond but not having it in you to set aside your pride. There was no way he was getting back in this easily, not after he had you questioning everything you knew due to his closed off behavior. “Just go to sleep, Lo’ak.” You sighed. He agreed by closing his eyes.

Fleeting sounds of chirping birds and leaves ruffling from the lemurs above your head rustled you from your slumber, eyelids slowly peeling apart to see the world sideways. You rubbed your eyes to clear your vision. You were on your other side now, and Lo’ak wasn’t in front of you.

You went to stretch, your limbs feeling a bit cramped from sleeping on the hard forest floor for hours on end. Regardless of your slightly achy joints and the lack of your hammock netting beneath you, this was surprisingly the best night’s sleep you’d had in a while. Weird.

Extending your legs outwards, you went to do the same for your back when you felt a pair of tightly wrapped arms around your middle halt your efforts. Your body stilled when you realized the hard surface against your upper back belonged to the man you were trying to make yourself despise.

Sometime during the brisk night you turned over onto your other side, and Lo’ak had pulled your slender body back into his and tucked himself into you. He was holding you as if this had been what he wanted to do for years, his light snoring indicating that he felt comfortable enough to sleep so deeply.

And as soon as you came to the revelation, all of your senses began to kick back in at an overwhelming rate. The feeling of his head snuggled into the small of your neck. His soft, parted lips just grazing the surface of your skin. His light breaths leaving temporary traces of heat on your collarbone made your ears flick with a feeling you didn’t want to put a name to. The backside of your body fit into his like a puzzle piece, flush with no room between as if he were scared you’d disappear in the middle of the night.

You felt your heart quicken in pace, cheeks flushing at how you had gone from not speaking, to being cuddled up with one another in just a day. Though the two of you interacted like you couldn’t stand each other, your bodies naturally knew you craved affection only the other could provide and they betrayed the front you tried to put on.

Would the two of you had fallen into each other so intimately, so accepting in the comfort of an embrace during the night, if you truly weren’t supposed to be like this?

You were too stubborn to care, and maybe a bit in denial, too. All you knew was that you needed it to stop because your brain was turning to mush the longer each rise of his chest moved your body in sync.

“Lo’ak!” You smacked the back of his hand and hissed his name, the action pulling him out of his deep sleep.

“Huh?” He grumbled, sharply inhaling with sudden consciousness and opening his eyes.

“Move. Your arms.” You spoke through gritted teeth, eyes flicking down to the limbs that had you caged.

He raised a brow, not understanding what you were talking about until he peered over your shoulder. “Oh shit,“ He instantly retracted his arms, allowing you to scramble away from him while he sat up and nervously watched you readjust your garments. He hadn’t meant to make you uncomfortable in the slightest, he didn’t even realize he was holding you in such a way until you woke him up— and right about now you looked like you wanted nothing to do with him.

Little did he know.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I- I didn’t mean to…” He trailed off, not being able to meet your gaze and hoping you’d finish his thought for him, so he wouldn’t have to say it aloud.

You were too flustered to even think about eye contact, shaking your head and interjecting before he could continue speaking. “It’s fine. Let’s just, pretend it didn’t happen.” You mumbled, not missing the way he looked at you as if he wanted to disagree, his mouth opening just to close a second later.

All he did was nod, clearing his throat and rising to his feet while you tried to busy yourself by brushing imaginary dirt off your body.

You tried your best to make the rest of the day as normal as possible, to no avail, of course.

For some strange reason, you couldn’t seem to keep your eyes off him. After a while of him ignoring you, it had became pretty easy to do the same to him. Before this morning, at least.

You cursed your sharp, all seeing eyes. The way they caught every muscle that tensed in his strong legs when he took a step forward, or how his defined shoulders pulled apart to send an arrow plunging through the air.

Every time he turned towards you to speak, you had to force yourself to look away. The fact that you couldn’t seem to control the thoughts invading your mind without your permission was starting to piss you off. And the way his chiseled abs cut directly into a ridiculously evident v-line above the hem of his loincloth, with the rest of it hidden and succeeding in peaking your interest, was not helping you in the slightest.

What was wrong with you? How was it that you felt even more drawn to him now that he was more detached than ever? He seemed to notice your discomfort, eyes narrowing at your focused expression cast upon a boring tree trunk when you didn’t answer to your name.

“Huh?” You snapped your eyes back in his direction when he called your name again, gulping at his oddly knowing expression.

“You seem awfully distracted. Are you alright?” He said.

“Yeah, like you’d care.” You scoffed and rolled your eyes, eager to keep up your tough and uninterested front.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He folded his toned arms in front of him and you kept your eyes locked on the scowl he wore. It was a double edged sword, either you looked away which would solidify his suspicion that something was in fact going on with you, or you continued to make eye contact with the searing orbs that were making your heartbeat bang against your eardrums. Somehow the second option seemed like the better one.

“It means exactly what you think it means. We stopped being friends a while ago, Lo’ak. That was what you wanted, and you made it very obvious.” You grabbed an arrow from your quiver and pulled it against the string of your bow, extending your arm out and aiming for the makeshift target he had carved into the tree bark with his knife a little ways in front of you.

His brows knit together, features screwing up as if you had just made some outlandish claim. “What do you mean? We never stopped being friends. I still care about you, [Y/n].”

Your heart jumped at the unexpected words that left his mouth, fingers slipping when you released the arrow. It missed the target by a long shot, landing outside and below the circle.

You bit the inside of your cheek, shaking your head and the feeling that was creeping up your throat, out and away. “Well you sure as hell don’t act like it. And I’m pretty sure friends are supposed to speak to each other.” You mumbled, digging your toes into the dirt, the soil moist along your sole while you prepped another arrow.

“I-“ He sighed, mind searching for the right words. “I promise it wasn’t personal. There was just a lot going on, and I got busy.” He moved to stand close behind you, gently raising your elbow upwards with the tips of his fingers. He pressed a hand to your stomach and pushed it against your core, a silent instruction to strengthen your stance.

Oh right. He was supposed to be coaching you on your form. So why did it feel like more than that?

You sucked a breath in through your teeth, squeezing your eyes shut to try and put out the fire his hand ignited. Your core tightened, much to his approval. But not for the reason he assumed. You cleared your throat and stared daggers into the target in front of you, the shakiness of your voice paired with your hands giving away just how flustered he was making you.

“Oh sure. Busy trying to keep me out of your life, right?” You spat, releasing your grasp and hitting millimeters from the bullseye.

You felt the heat of his firm chest against the skin of your back, a small gasp leaving your lips when his lips brushed against the tip of your ear as he leaned down. “Busy trying to keep my mind off you.” He responded, voice so low you could’ve missed it had you not been paying attention.

“What?” You turned around to face him, your faces much closer than you expected and you quickly took a step back.

“I said,” He took one closer. “I was busy trying to keep my mind, off you.”

You rolled your eyes. “Stop playing games with me, Lo’ak. You’ve confused me enough already.” This morning made sure of that.

He reached for your hands, the speed in which you dropped your bow to the ground almost comical and you allowed him to slip his fingers into your palms. “I would never say something like that if I didn’t mean it, [Y/n]. There wasn’t a single moment I wasn’t thinking about you. There never has been, and there never will be. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much space I put between us, I just can’t shake you.” He said, the pads of his thumbs smoothing along the backs of your hands.

You blinked at him in disbelief, eyes widened as you stared at him in shock. You always thought there had been mutual feelings there. The way he acted with you in the past versus the other girls in the village confirmed that. Which was why the sudden rejection of your company and his absence in your life had pained you so much. You not only lost your bestfriend, but the man you hadn’t gotten the chance to love.

“I know, I know. It’s a lot,” He sighed, gnawing at his lip as your apprehension began to mirror onto him. “And I know, I was an asshole-“

“Are an asshole.” You corrected, watching him immediately nod in agreement.

“Alright, I’m an asshole. It was stupid to distance myself from you, and I regret it more than you know, I swear of it. I just didn’t know how to sort through my feelings, and I let everyone get in my head and tell me you’d be better off and… I guess I agreed with them? But I knew there was no way you would listen, so I tried my hardest to make you hate me.” He spoke cautiously, nearly wincing at how bad it sounded now that he was saying it out loud.

Your hand came up before you could control it, palm landing across his cheek and the force of it making his head turn to the side. You glared at him with a tense jaw, the tears pricking your waterline indicating something other than anger.

Lo’ak nodded to himself, licking his bottom lip and grazing his fingers over the sting your hand had left on his cheek. “Yeah, I deserved that.” He breathed out a humorous laugh.

You waited forever to have a moment like this with him, and now that you finally had, it wasn’t anything like what you expected it to be. Confessions bringing up stifled emotions and painful memories you thought you buried ages ago. And now the only thing you could think about was all the time that had been wasted due to miscommunication.

“So let me get this straight, you genuinely thought that destroying the bond we had was better than just letting me love you? Couldn’t you have given me a choice, to decide what I thought was best for me? I loved you, Lo’ak. And you broke my heart.” The rise of your chest stuttered and made your voice crack, the sound of it making his eyes soften with remorse.

“Loved?” He parroted, amber eyes searching yours for any remnants of the feeling he hoped remained.

You snatched your hands away, not even realizing what you had said until he repeated it back to you. “It doesn’t matter anymore.” You muttered.

“The hell it doesn’t! Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

You rubbed your forehead in annoyance, feeling a headache coming on and his response only made it worse. “Do you even listen to your mom when she talks to you? Have you not noticed how they put us together in almost every situation possible?” You gesticulated your hands angrily. “They’ve been asking us why we don’t speak anymore, and this trip was a way to make that happen.”

He cursed himself under his breath, because you were right. He doesn’t listen to his mom when she talks— most of the time he’s tuning her out in case it’s just the usual scolding because he did something stupid.

“You don’t get to ask the questions, Lo’ak. I’ve been sitting here for months, trying to talk to you and all you did was push me away, like I was contagious with a fucking disease. How could you?” Your hands balled into fists. You couldn’t fathom how he had found it in his heart to treat you this way.

And you were— contagious, in a way. No matter how hard he tried to push the feelings down, to rid his body of the fluttering sensation you gave him, being around you would only bring it back even stronger than it was before it left. The truth was, Lo’ak had never been as happy as he was with you and it scared him. Scared him so much that he let others make him believe he wasn’t deserving of it. Wasn’t deserving of you.

“You wouldn’t even look at me, not once! I went to our spot everyday, hoping you would show up and you never did. So I gave up.” You said, voice growing smaller with each word and wavering. He raised his hand to wipe the tears you hadn’t realized rolled down your cheeks, his expression so contrite when you leaned away from his touch that it hurt you to watch.

“Don’t say that, please don’t say that.” He pleaded in a whisper, both hands coming up now to cup your flushed face in his hands. “Please don’t give up on us when I’ve just figured it out. I know it took a while and I know I’m an idiot for it, but please don’t tell me that I’m too late.”

You wanted so badly to say yes. Your heart ached to throw yourself into his arms and forget about the way he had treated you, but you couldn’t. The damage had been done, and you were terrified. Terrified that if you let him in again, the past would repeat itself and you knew you couldn’t handle getting your heart stomped on for a second time.

Your hands found their way to his wrists, hiccuping at the thought of pulling them away. You shook your head, eyes locking on his to give him your final answer. “I’m sorry, Lo’ak. I can’t.”

You decided to end your trip early.

You couldn’t bare to be around Lo’ak anymore. Wanting to be with him just as much as he did you, but the doubts in your mind overwrote your heart any time you so much of thought about giving him a chance.

It was a constant battle and it was taking more of a toll on you than you expected. The feeling of his eyes burning into your back was unbearable, his jaw tensing because you just wouldn’t meet his eyes.

He was in agreement. He had finally been confident enough to challenge what the others swore would happen and came to terms with his feelings, but he was too late. The fact that you were so close that he could reach out and touch you was torturous, the only thing stopping him was the wedge he had plunged between you. He wanted to scream. To go back in time and yell in the face of his past self, to tell him that this was the stupidest decision he would ever make if he went through with it. He’d never forgive himself.

As soon as you were out the forest, you went your separate ways with no words spoken. Leaving Lo’ak alone where he stood, his arm moving to reach out to you but missing your fingers just by a mere inch. He prayed you would turn around, ‘come on, come on, turn around’ aimlessly repeating the words to himself. You didn’t.

He threw his bow to the ground, balling his fists up in frustration and bringing his arms up and over his head. “Fuck!” He growled, kicking at the ground and bringing up a cloud of dirt in the process.

You sat on the floor of your hut across from your mother, poking the steamed meat and vegetables around in your bowl with a lack of interest. Your elbow against the table and your chin propped into the palm of your hand, you couldn’t find it in you to take a bite. You had no appetite and feeding yourself was the last thing on your mind right now.

“Maite?” Your mother’s voice tore you from your endless rumination, and you looked up to see her expression as one of concern.

You hummed a mindless response. "Hm?"

“You’ve barely touched your food at all. You love when I make sturmbeest for you…” Her eyes motioned down to where your finger had been poking and prodding. “Is something wrong?” She asked.

You knew your mom, and she knew you. Chances are when she was asking you a question, there was no point in lying because she already had the answer. She just wanted to see what you’d say first. Nevertheless, you decided to try anyway.

You shook your head, pushing a small chunk of food into your mouth as to not be wasteful. “Just thinking.” You mumbled.

“Mm,” She nodded, her eyes never leaving where they were pinned on you. “Why don’t you go talk to him? Sitting here playing with your food won’t change anything.”

Her question nearly had you choking on your food, coughing a bit and forcing yourself to swallow with flared eyes. “H-huh? How did you…” You gulped, your rapid blinking and now straightened posture confirming her inference.

“Well you haven’t said one word of how the trip went since you got back. Not to mention, you came home early. And you haven’t been very present at dinner time lately, so I can only assume that something happened. Yes?” She quirked a brow at you.

You sighed, nodding and pushing your bowl out in front of you. There was no use in lying, you had to tell your mom the truth. You wanted to. “Yes he… He told me how he feels, finally. But I just don’t know what to do, and I don’t know if I can trust him again. I just don’t think it’s meant to be us, mom.” Shoulders drooping at your own revelation, you wanted nothing more than it to be him.

She tsked and shook her head at you, almost annoyed at your inability to see what was right in front of you. “Eywa does not make mistakes, my child. Since the two of you were little, there were signs. You should give him a chance to redeem himself. I am certain you won’t regret it.”

You trusted your mother more than anything. Her advice had never once led you astray, and you felt something wriggle it’s way through the cracks in your wall of uncertainty. Hope.

“You think so?” You asked quietly, fingers twiddling in anticipation. You felt newfound giddiness crawling up your spine and couldn’t find it in yourself to push it back down.

“I know so. The boy has been in love with you since the day you carved your first bows together.” She laughed and your hand shot up to cover an incoming smile. “Now go, find him and tell him how you feel. Don’t make him wait any longer.” She shooed, hastily waving her hands to bring you out of your lovesick trance.

You were up and out of your hut in seconds, bidding your mother a ‘see you later’ while your legs carried you faster than you could handle. You bundled your way past greeting villagers, responding quickly so you wouldn’t have to pause your trekking. They stared at you curiously, wondering where you were off to in such a hurry, away from your home and into the forest.

The heavy padding of your steps left illuminated patches of moss in your wake. The forest coming alive around you and the beating of your heart increasing with every duck under a leaf and leap over a log, knowing you were nearing your destination.

You eventually made your way uphill and onto a clearing, scenting him before you saw him. Poking your head around a low hanging branch, you felt nervousness pool in the pit of your stomach at the sight of Lo’ak’s slightly hunched form seated on the cliff. You stared at the back of his head, trying to gain the courage to approach him and preparing yourself for the conversation to come.

It wasn’t long before he caught a whiff of your scent as well, his ears unconsciously perking up. He could never mistake the intoxicating aroma of episoth petals and healing rose, a sigh escaping him when he remembered how lovely it had been to be around you those short two days. How being close to you after months apart scratched the itch he could never reach.

You walked over, slowly lowering yourself to sit next to him. Mimicking his position and draping your legs over the cliffside. “I thought you didn’t come here anymore.” Your gentle voice broke the silence, eyes focused on the stars gleaming in the distance.

“I never stopped, I was always here when you were. Even your Uniltaron, I was there. And I wanted to talk to you, to tell you I was sorry for the way I was acting. I just didn’t know how.” He said, voice low as if he were afraid to speak. Scared that he’d make another mistake.

You turned to look at him, taking in his glum state and drooped posture. A frown forming on your lips at his confession. You spent months upset with him, trying to hate him. Thinking he discarded your friendship to the side with malice, only to find out he had suffered just as much as you did. Blaming himself for a mistake he didn’t know how to undo. You cast your gaze down at your hands, taking a breath in before your fingers went to overlap his. His head snapped in your direction, his demeanor suddenly hopeful just at the mere touch.

“Lo’ak,” you started, weakly. “I’m scared.” Your eyes stapled shut, and he quickly grabbed your hand and pulled it close to him.

His features solemn, he silently begged you to open your eyes, holding your hand in both of his. “Why?” He whispered.

You sighed shakily, swallowing around nothing. “If I give myself to you, you can’t-“ Your voice shuddered and Lo’ak lifted your hand up, rubbing his cheek against the back of it as encouragement for you to continue. “Please don’t break me again.”

“Had I known I had your heart, I would’ve never done it. I want nothing more than to be loved by you, [Y/n]. To have the privilege to love you, to call you my own. If you’ll have me.” He voiced, bringing your knuckles to his lips and placing a light kiss upon them, golden irises never leaving the ones that were starting to water in front of him. “I love you too much to put you through that again.”

You had never seen Lo’ak so vulnerable, the look in his eyes one of such sincerity that your own emotions quickly overtook you. Ridding your mind of any reluctancy as you threw yourself into his arms. He exhaled heavily, taking not another moment to wrap his arms around you and bury his face into the space where your neck met your shoulder. Inhaling the scent he missed so much. He sighed in relief, hands splayed across your back to hold you as close to him as possible.

You pulled away, to his surprise as he instantly searched your face for any indication of something wrong. You held his face in your hands, barely able to tear your focus from his parted lips as you spoke. “I love you too, ma Lo’ak.” You whispered, his eyes softening at the term of endearment. You melted into his embrace when he closed the gap between you, pressing your lips together without a regard for air. Breathing him in would just have to be enough.

Your head tilted as you deepened the kiss. He chased your lips and followed suit, not wanting to be apart from you even for a second if he could help it. The kiss was desperate and delicate, hasty and lacking of grace as the both of you quenched the thirst water would not quell.

He broke away from you unwillingly, the need for air trumping his intense desire to continue. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.” He grinned, voice breathless and fangs peeking out while his warm hands travelled up and down the small of your back. Allowing a swarm of butterflies to take home in your belly.

You giggled and clambered your way into his lap, his immediate acceptance revealed in the way his hands dropped down to hold your hips without a second thought. You draped your arms over his shoulders before you pressed your forehead to his, your fingers grazing along the skin of his back to leave goosebumps in your wake. “Just shut up and kiss me again.” You cooed, watching him lick his lips.

You didn’t have to tell him twice.

He gladly leaned in, but not completely— his top lip just faintly brushing against yours. Languidly lingering there with his mouth slightly agape as he relished in the feeling of your warmth, breathing in your air. “Lo’ak…” Your gaze settled on his half-lidded one for a moment and you almost whimpered at the tease. Your hand finding the back of his neck and pulling him into you, eager to pick up right where you left off.

His lips pressed to yours and they moved gently but fervently. The feeling of your weight in his lap making him hum into your mouth as his arms pressed your body flush against his. The desire that remained from all the months apart bled through his soft touches and washed onto you, hands traveling desperately over his heated, striped skin as if you would run out of time.

This was something you could get used to.

Reblogs + Likes + Comments are much appreciated! 💗

#loak x reader #loak x y/n #loak x you #loak fanfiction #loak fic #avatar loak #loak fluff #lo’ak #lo’ak sully #lo’ak x reader #lo’ak x y/n #lo’ak x you #lo’ak fanfiction #avatar way of water #avatar twow #avatar fanfiction #avatar 2

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purupurple · 3 months

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so as you probably know, i've teamed up with moonsprout games and makeship to make squishies of characters my husband and i created for bug fables, tanjerin and cerise. so far, tanj is doing alright, but cerise is dragging behind. however, i'm concerned about if they'll be funded at all. i'd like to go over why its so dire that at least one of them achieves their goal.

so, i don't like talking about serious and personal stuff and i very rarely do it, but just a little over a year ago i had been hospitalized with no health insurance. thankfully i recovered quickly as it was just some sort of icky cold that turned into pneumonia despite my efforts in recovering as fast as i could. that being said, i live in america, and being hospitalized with no health insurance is a very bad situation and now i have debt. on top of that, i've had two unrelated ER visits later last year where i did have insurance, but they didn't cover everything (america, i swear…) so that's MORE medicical debt. not to mention my husband is still paying off a lot of student loans… so we've got our hands full. of debt, that is.

what i'm getting at here is that these plushies getting funded is crucial to help me pay off these medical bills and some more that are expected later on this year related to receiving mental health care, specifically from the process getting diagnosed for autism and/or adhd as well as being able to learn how to handle anxiety attacks. i would even be happy if just one of them was successful (poor cerise is lagging behind…) so i'm officially making this a cry for help. please, help us fund the tanjerin and cerise makeship campaigns! if you're not in a spot to buy even just one of them, then all i ask is that you share this post and tell your friends, families, and/or any other interested parties. both my husband and i very much need all the help we can get!

but i also made this post not just to go over our tough situation, but i wanted to let everyone know that there's now a gleam giveaway! it's a raffle you can enter by following the steps on the gleam page to get an art commission from the box art cover artist schweise and me, designer for the fruity bugs!

tl;dr me have big medical bills husband has student loans and me will draw something for the one who wins the gleam raffle so sign up for that if you're interested

please spread the word, and thank you in advance for reading! here's the links below

gleam page - tanjerin squishie - cerise squishie

#bug fables #signal boost #important #fanart

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winndycakes · 2 months

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I did not wish to make this, I do not wish to bring bad light to others, so I am doing everything I can in this statement to keep it as vague as possible to grant others the same privacy I should have. But because my privacy was not respected I have no choice but to come forward with this.

If you know what I am talking about, then this is my side of things. If you don't know what I am talking about, then please move on.

(Also to note, I realize what day I am posting this on. This is absolutely NOT a joke.)

To preface this. My dad died suddenly Feb 26th. I cannot begin to detail what it feels like to lose him, after I've lost many others, to try and handle my emotions and grief while also handling the logistics of his belongings and estate, all this while having to write this on top of it. If I come across as intense, this is why.

I was in a discord server when it first opened. I dedicated a lot of time, energy, art and passion to it. I was even a mod at one point but stepped down due to my own reasons.

While there, we had an anonymous survey posted to gather information from the community about the server, what we could do to improve, what was liked and so on. Instead, some used it as a means to anonymously complain about members. I was a target of these complaints.

A quick note. This server was made within a community that has suffered MANY hardships due to anons. Keep this in mind.

One of the rules is that if you have a personal grievance with another member, to try to resolve it through DMs before coming to a mod or to even send in a ticket.

I must be clear; I was NEVER DMed by anyone how I made them uncomfortable. Not once. Nor were these complaints directly messaged to the mods. This was all through the survey (I will touch up more on this later).

I and other staff/mods that used to be on the team suggested we remove the anonymity. It's too risky for it to be abused, because as noted earlier, this community has suffered a lot through abuse from anons. This suggestion was ignored.

Now, I suppose I should say what the complaints were about. I was told I made others uncomfortable due to, and I am paraphrasing here; "talking over others, redirecting conversations back to myself and my ocs, and making too many jokes and insults about characters."

I will also say. I am autistic. What was mentioned are signs of someone with autism. My dad was autistic. I do not bring this up to deflect or excuse anything, merely to give further context.

I want to explain a bit of my process when I interact with others, in this case especially pertaining to an online space.

When I am talking with someone, anyone, I try to be as inclusive and welcoming as I can be. Saying hello, how they’re doing, that sort of thing. But a conversation is a two way street. If I don’t get a reply or any sort of means to keep the conversation going, I move on. That’s just… how talking goes. I can get very passionate in talking to folks, especially friends and things in line with my interests. It’s hard for me to notice if folks are uncomfortable in person, online it is impossible to tell. I need people to tell me directly if I am doing something uncomfortable and what it is, and if I can fix it.

My process for ocs is this: I see someone talking about their oc, they say something that reminds me of one of mine, then I share my oc. This is not to direct the conversation to me, but to share in it, it is in conjunction. I want to learn more of yours and I do that best by sharing mine. I cannot know if this isn't what you want if I am not told. And I wasn't.

I like to make jokes about characters, analyze them, critique them. I try to do this in a way that makes it clear this isn't an insult to those who like the character(s). But again, I need to be told directly by someone if I need to stop or tone it down. I would only be told sparingly by folks, and when I would, of course I'd stop, do my best to tone it down. But again, I was rarely told directly by people.

What is being described as my crimes are simply the experience of being autistic.

I cannot control it. I cannot stop it. I try to be as inclusive, warm and welcoming to all I come across. You do not HAVE to like me. But if you don't, just ignore me. You HAVE to learn to ignore people who you just… don't like. You have to learn to ignore pet peeves or to reasonably talk to the person. That's life.

So, when I received the above message, I was furious. I was at my dad’s apartment, cleaning out his stuff, and dealing with some harrowing emotions when I got this. I responded that getting this was extremely poor timing and yes, I was angry. But the one who sent this KNEW my dad died. They had seen me post about it, they acknowledged it, and still decided to message me. Who wouldn’t be angry?

Because of what I had been messaged, and the timing, I had decided to go to the owner of the server. I did not feel like it was appropriate for a mod, any mod, to message me about something that is a personal issue that folks should have messaged me themselves (and again, it is listed in the rules that things SHOULD be talked out privately between members before a mod gets involved), in a time that has been hell on earth for me.

I explained to the server owner what all happened with my feelings on the matter. I said that regardless, I would leave the server, because this was something that no one, absolutely no one, should experience. I requested for anything I contributed to the server to be removed, for I no longer felt comfortable for folks to use my art who could be the very same ones pettily using an anonymous survey to speak ill of me. So I sent my message, waited, and got a response.

I do not have anything against the server owner, but there are a few things that I must address with their response as well, because some are factually incorrect. There is full admittance to the complaints received through the anonymous survey, most recently at that. This goes counter to the rules stated that members should resolve private disputes amongst themselves first. (Again please note the screenshots of the rules.)

While perhaps not all of the mods knew of my dad’s passing, but enough DID that they should have known better. I posted briefly in the server in a slow thread so it could be better seen by people, including the mods. I had posted on tumblr as well. But the claim is no one saw it.

Again. This is just not true. Look to the above screenshots.

I do not have a screenshot of when I had sent the message initially in the server of my dad’s passing (I apologize for this), but the point being is that people knew. Another member messaged me in DMs to give their condolences. While I am and have been open about his passing, I also tried my best to not talk too much about it in the server as to bring down the mood, and I sought out the server and talked there as a source of comfort. Saying this was not clear to anyone, is false.

Now, I am sorry that I made people uncomfortable, it was never my intention to, and I will take fault in that. That isn’t what I mean to address in all this. The issue is; if people were uncomfortable, they needed to follow the rules and come to me DIRECTLY stating such, NOT give these complaints through an anonymous survey. And that I should NOT have been told during such an awful period. How can I take this at face value when I am not offered the same?

I wish to point out as well, why I kept bringing up the anonymous survey, and to bring back a note I made earlier.

There is a great deal of falsehood in using an anonymous survey to gather information, when this community has experienced a lot of hardship from anons. I have seen many people torn down and even chased out of this community and others because of people hiding behind anon. Creators, fans, and yes members, mods and even the server owner have all been victim to negativity from anons.

Now, I also must bring attention to this.

This is a screenshot I was sent of another mod posting, after I left. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY. This is why I feel the need to make this statement. Giving details like this is completely unnecessary, and with this said after I left is unacceptable.

I am sorry to be redundant, but I truly am sorry if I ever did make people uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was to make friends and share in the joy in creating art and characters with others. To share space in a community with something I truly found enjoyable. It’s why I’d get enthusiastic whenever OC’s were brought up and I’d share mine. I also wanted to share joy in the topic of the server, and yes some of that for me IS making jokes about characters or even giving critique.

I am not saying any of this to bad mouth or slander anyone. I say all of this to express my side of things. Someone who is grieving the loss of their dad, and so many others who came before him that are making me remember now because of his passing.

#winndy serious

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ficthots · 1 year

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Uncharted Territory

A/N: I am so sorry for the long wait. I hope this makes up for it. Josh and his assistant, badish boy goodish girl, fluff, angst, dirtiness. As always let me know what you guys think and enjoy!

Part II

Warnings: SMUT. DNI if you are under 18. 18+ only.

Word Count: 16.9k+

There are a few things in life that just outright suck no matter the spin you try to put on them. Running out of gas on the side of the highway during rush hour because you were running late for work this morning and were stupid enough to say I’ll just do it in the morning. Sucks. Dropping your phone down four flights of stairs because you decided it was time to stop being lazy by taking the elevator every morning and just climb the stairs. Sucks. You know what sucks most of all?

Job interviews.

They were never fun. You had seen many videos on the internet about how to present the very best of yourself in an interview, sell yourself to whoever was showing interest, make them realize they absolutely needed you in their work force. Of course you knew how to apply all of those little quips and tricks into the interview process. Did it make it suck any less?

Nope.

Interviews were still incredibly nerve wracking. Feeling like you were going to stumble over answers, blank on the simplest questions, not know how to apply all of your previous job history to what you were trying to get hired for. Despite how perfect you were for this job, it still sucked.

One of your closest friends had tipped it to you. Saying that one of their friends friends was going to be interviewing to be an assistant to some guy in a band. That there were four members of the band and they were getting so big so quickly that they were all going to be needing their own assistant to handle their daily work loads.

She had nudged you at lunch one afternoon with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle, mentioning how she could get you an application and interview no problem. You had never heard of them before, immediately pulling them up on Spotify and seeing their monthly listener amount was significantly higher than you originally had assumed.

It was exactly what you needed to get out of the hellhole you were trapped in now. Believe you me, you were well trained in being an executive assistant. It was what you were doing now, the only downside was your boss was a raging bitch. Your boss before her was not much better, but the experience you most definitely had. This could be your chance to break out of the corporate world of assistants and try something new.

What did you have to lose?

You submitted the application that evening with a resume and cover letter, not expecting anything to come of it. That’s why when you woke up the next morning and saw a message marked urgent from a name you were not familiar with, your stomach flipped.

Opening the email and asking if you could make it to the first round of interviews the very next day, you were in a permanent state of shock. Agreeing, in a somewhat state of brain fog and letting your mind go to autopilot to handle the interview, it must have gone well.

So well, you were now sitting in round three of interviews after being informed that it had been narrowed down to two people per band member and you were the front runner for all of them. They would be the final interviewer and would be selecting their own assistant.

Your hands were ice cold, but your mind was still nagging at you that they must somehow feel clammy, nerves wracking your body feeling like your bones were vibrating. Blood was rushing in your ears as you sat at a large conference style table, the view of Nashville quite breathtaking from the floor to ceiling wall of windows, but you were unable to truly take it in. There were five seats on one side of the table, one singular on the opposite side that you occupied.

It was like flipping a switch, putting all nerves at bay and standing as the door opened, offering a tight lipped smile, putting your hand out to give a firm and strong handshake to each of the gentlemen that entered the room. You only knew one, their manager, who had been at your other interviews.

The others were new. As you took them in, you made a mental note about one distinct feature of each to help you memorize their names as quickly as possible. “Mr. Frank, it’s a pleasure seeing you again. Thank you for seeing me through this far,” you took a seat as the others did as well.

He gave a beaming smile, tearing his gaze away from his notepad to catch your gaze. “Absolutely. Let me introduce you to these four. Directly next to me is Daniel Wagner,” he gave a small wave, noting his hair was going to be his distinct feature. “You can call me Danny.” You nodded politely at him, your smile never faltering.

“Next to him is Sam Kiszka,” he was leaning far back in his chair, almost like he had been forced to be here and do this. He had a dog. “Nice to meet ya. Heard you are practically the best of the best so it’s gonna be a blood bath to claim you as an assistant,” you couldn’t hold in the laugh that bubbled from your throat at his nonchalant tone as he explained that to you.

Your hands still resting on your lap, you nodded. “That’s very kind of you to say.” They all chuckled, Mr. Frank continuing down the line. “Next to Sam is twin two, Jake Kiszka.” Big hat. It was all you noticed about him honestly. Oh, and that he had a sort of pirate vibe to him.

He offered nothing more than a slight hat tip and a small grin. You returned the same. Trying to match all of their energy that they were giving you and being a mirror to them was your strategy here. You didn’t care who you were assigned to as long as you were assigned to someone. Anything to get away from your devil of a manager now.

“And all the way down there is the front man, Josh Kiszka. Twin one.” When your eyes locked with his, you noticed too many things at once to make a note of. You wouldn’t need to. You would remember him.

His eyes were bright and overly large as he peered at you. His cheeks were flushed with a light pink hue. His hands nervously played with each other as they rested on the table in front of him. His tongue continuously darting out to moisten his lips. His lips parted, a toothy smile appearing as he held a hand up in an awkward gesture.

“Josh. It’s-uh, it’s nice to meet you. Aaron has said a lot about you, all good of course. We’re all very interested. Obviously, I mean in a professional way. Like we want you. As in for your work that is strictly professional. Jesus Christ,” he was speaking so fast and with each word his face grew more red in tint, his siblings stifling their laughter behind their hands as they watched him falter.

Mr. Frank’s hands came down onto the table, swiveling his chair from the direction of the boys back to you, eyes wide in amusement as he laughed. “Okay anyways. I want to first thank you for being so patient with the entire interview process. I know it can be draining and meticulous to do this and you have been outstanding, truly. This can be kind of a niche job and we wanted to make sure that we select the right candidates and that is most definitely you.”

Your smile grew as you thanked him, still remaining mostly silent to let him continue on. “Now, we want you to start as soon as possible. It’s my understanding that you’re currently employed elsewhere so you’ll be needing to put in a notice there, correct?”

Falling into easy conversation about your notice for your current job, starting date for this position, and the mind boggling amount of travel that you would be doing over the course of their tour had your head spinning. Thrilled that they were so interested in you and that the shitty interviewing process was seemingly over had you trapezing on air.

As Mr. Frank set his pen down, he set his attention on the group, gesturing a hand towards you. “What have you decided?” They all spun around in their chairs, huddling together with their heads all bent in, whispering. The one with the hat- Sam? Damn it, that’s Jake, turned first giving a larger smile than before.

He had selected you. That was fine, you could deal with that. He seemed extremely lowkey and easy going. No problems there. Although, trying to get him to stay on task and get done what needs to be done could pose some issues. That’s what you were there for though, to ensure that he would get his shit together and done. What he wouldn’t complete you would do for him. It came with the terms and conditions.

While your mind was reeling, already starting to go a mile a minute on what was going to be happening as Jake’s assistant, it came to a sudden halt. “You will be working with Josh. He needs the most structure and guidance to keep him on task and I feel like your personalities will really mesh well.”

You subdued your surprised expression, keeping your face neutral. If there was anyone you thought you most definitely would not be getting assigned to, it was Josh. He could hardly look you in the eye and the boy was extremely jittery.

When his beat red face met yours, you gave him a kind smile. It seemed like he needed it. You immediately reached into your bag, grabbing your card and handing it over to Josh and then proceeding to do the same with the others.

“That’s fantastic. Mr. Kiszka, I look forward to working with you. On this card is my current contact information. I know I am Mr. Kiszka’s assistant, but please do not hesitate to reach out if you need anything. Mr. Frank informed me that I will be receiving a new phone with a new number so I will have that new information to you shortly, but in the meantime that is the current way to contact me if need be.” Mr. Frank’s smile grew as he watched how at the drop of a hat you switched into professional mode.

They all eyed you in shock, looking at the card in their hands like it was made of solid gold. Turning your attention fully to your new boss, you stuck your hand out, watching as he gingerly grabbed it, shaking your hand back.

Cold. Nicotine use, you thought to yourself. It would explain why he constantly seemed flushed, but the circulation was poor in his extremities. You would get him on some vitamins to fix that, you made a mental note to start that immediately.

Two weeks positively flew by. Packing up your office and hardly uttering any parting words to anyone, you felt a weight lift from your shoulders as you left the building. This next chapter of your life was going to be one you couldn’t wait to embark on. Subletting your apartment proved easier than you originally assumed. Where you would be staying on the few breaks that were scheduled, you would deal with later, but for the meantime, you were ready.

Already having a copy of the key to his home, you sent him a fast text reminding him of your appointment with him that afternoon to start going over his schedule, so as not to frighten him when you let yourself into his home. When you pulled up to the curb, you noticed a white Jeep parked in his driveway. Only one car? Odd. Maybe there’s more in the garage. It is a three car garage.

Walking up to the front door, you used the key, but noticed it was already unlocked. You sighed, shaking your head, but entered the home. It was beautiful at first glance. There was natural wood covering every square inch. The large living room was open concept to the kitchen and dining room. The back wall had large windows that showcased a woodland view.

Continuing further inwards, your head inclined towards the hallway to see if you could catch sight of him anywhere. When he appeared from the oversized pantry, he jumped, hand landing on his chest. “Fuck! Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”

He laughed, setting down the bag he had in his hand onto the counter, you chuckled and held up your phone and key. “Apologies. I did text you to let you know I was on my way. You did say text was the easiest way to reach you, right? By the way, you need to always lock your door. There are crazies out there and stalkers and if they find your front door is just unlocked, they will enter.”

Setting down your belongings at the dining table you had noticed was set up for your meeting, you continued speaking, Josh approaching the table to join you. Opening your planner, checking your phone once more to silence it and place it face down on the table, your eyes met his as you took a seat.

He didn’t sit, instead offering a large smile, motioning to the house. “Can I give you a tour?” You immediately agreed, standing from the chair as you leisurely began strolling around the home.

“And yes, text is the easiest way to reach me and I saw yours which is why the door was unlocked. I forgot you had a key,” you nodded as you eyed some artwork that he had hanging in one of the hallways.

Walking around with him was like getting a front row seat to his entire being. How and why he decorated the way he did, his purpose behind it all. He was a fascinating man you were quickly learning.

Getting back to the dining room, you sat with a large smile and undid the cap on your pen, taking in a deep breath and smiling at him. “Well, Mr. Kiszka, I appreciate you giving me a tour. Your home is breathtaking, really. We should get started. We have a lot of ground to cover in two hours,” his hands enveloped a cup of tea he had brought with him, taking in a large breath as you dove in.

It was thoroughly exhausting starting from scratch with a new boss. Having to learn about their daily habits and quirks. What foods they preferred and when they preferred them. Understanding how often they were on their devices. Memorizing their normal routines and schedules. Honestly, exhausting.

As you checked over your notes, sipping the glass of water he had gotten for you, it was about time to wrap it up for the day. “Okay, I believe that is just about all I needed from you today. I will be sending over that boarding pass and itinerary. You know I should probably do it now while I’m thinking about it,” grabbing your laptop, you sent the email at lightning speed, Josh’s eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“Is there anything else you’ll be needing from me, Mr. Kiszka? Of course, you can always text me, call me, email me whenever, but while I’m here,” your eyes finally looked up from your screen to connect with his squinted ones.

Leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest, he shrugged. “Actually, yes.” You perked, sitting up straight to give him your undivided attention. “We are going to be spending a lot of time together,” you nodded, listening intently to him, “so I would like to know more about you.”

Shrugging, you fought within yourself about how to word your response to him without offending him in any way. “With all due respect Mr. Kiszka-” he cut you off with a roll of his eyes and a laugh, “Please stop calling me that. No one calls me that. Really, even Joshua, my government name, would be better.” You tilted your head at him, a disapproving look on your face.

“Mr. Kiszka. I am your assistant, your employee, your go to gal for anything you need,” you took in a breath, trying to explain this to him in the most professional manner you could, “however; I am not your friend. I am not paid to be your friend. I think in order for this to work as smoothly as possible and to ensure I get my work done and you get your work done, we need to recognize this as a boss and subordinate setting.” A smirk was tugging at the corners of his mouth, nodding with a chuckle.

His hands were folded on his lap, one leg crossed over the other, the dark green jumpsuit not long enough to cover his entire leg when he was sitting like this, your eyes narrowed at him. “No, I completely understand that. You don’t want to be my friend-” you held your hand up to him, one singular finger pointing up, “I never said I didn’t want to be your friend, but that this is only a professional relationship.”

Rolling his eyes again, an amused look took over his sharp features. “Mhm. Well, as your boss I would like you to tell me one fun fact about yourself. Can be anything. Just one fun fact,” setting your jaw at his words, you thought of the most surface level fact you could think of.

“I don’t have a favorite color.” His head fell back, a large laugh shaking his throat. “Bullshit! Everyone has a favorite color. Whether it’s one that you tend to gravitate towards or one that catches your eye more often than others. You most definitely favorite one color.” Shaking your head as you packed up your things, you didn’t look at him.

Slinging your bag over your shoulder, your hands held onto the back of the chair you had just risen from. “No. I do not.” You offered a shrug, starting towards the front door, your boss following you on the way out.

When you turned around as you reached the door, his smirk never left his lips. “I’ll find out what your favorite color is. I’ll be the one to discover it for you.” You sighed with a laugh, turning on your heel as you took your keys from your bag. “Have a good night, Mr. Kiszka!” You called over your shoulder, hearing the door shut behind you as you made your way to your car.

Seeing the small bag sitting on your passenger seat you cursed under your breath, grabbing it and heading back to the house. Trying the handle first, you groaned as you realized he hadn’t locked it. “Mr. Kiszka!” His head popped back out from where you two had just been, coming back to the entryway.

“This is for you. Take one a day, recommended with food.” His eyebrows furrowed as he pulled the bottle from the bag. “Vitamin B concentrate. What’s this for?” Your hands were clasped together in front of you, smiling as you explained.

“Nicotine use, right?” He nodded, a sheepish grin on his face. “That’s what I thought. Your hands are always freezing, but you’re flush constantly. Poor circulation is tied to nicotine use. Vitamin B concentrate aids with many things, but circulation is one of them.” He looked floored that based on one previous meeting you had gathered that information about him.

Looking at you dumbfounded, he laughed, shaking the pill bottle. “Okay. I will add this to my vitamins list.” You pointed at him at the mention of that. “Send me that list. When we’re on the road it’ll be my responsibility to ensure that you’re always stocked. Oh, and lock the door!”

Nodding at you, he held the front door as you walked to your car once again. When your name echoed out into the air around you, you turned to face him. “Next time, you park in the driveway, okay?” You shot him a thumbs up over your shoulder, thanking him as you entered your car, heading home to begin packing for a trip you were unsure how to pack for.

Less is probably more, you thought as you searched through your closet. When your phone began ringing, issuing an alert for an incoming Facetime call, you sighed, grabbing it amongst the pile of clothes you had taken out to begin folding and packing away.

“Hi, mom and siblings.” Their smiling faces met yours, your mom diving right in. “Okay, first day with the new boss. How’d it go?” You looked at the screen, setting the phone up on your dresser, facing you so you could use your hands while still talking to them.

Placing one packing cube into the luggage, you shrugged. “Busy. It’s still the beginning stages so it’s just a lot of memorization and observation right now. Taking over their schedules, trying to notice every single thing about them. It’s taxing,” your mom hummed in response.

When your sister's voice came through the speaker, your attention immediately focused on it. “What’s the guy's name again?” Your hands went to your hips, shaking your head with a big grin. “Nope.” Her and your brother's groans caused static to come through the speaker.

“That’s so unfair, birdie. Mom knows!” You laughed at them. “The only reason mom knows is because she’s my emergency contact in case something happens while I’m gone. Not only that, but she wouldn’t know them anyways.” Her face reappeared, glasses sitting low on the bridge of her nose, peering at you from over the frame.

As your siblings continued arguing with you, your mom spoke up over them. “Where are you going first, birdie?” Explaining the travel plans to her and where you were scheduled to touch down first, your siblings would jump in every once in a while to ask that you bring them a souvenir from that country you had just mentioned.

Family was important to you. The guilt never subsiding at you moving halfway across the country to start your own life and leave your mom and siblings back home. You missed it. Them. Everything. But this was good for you.

You recalled being teased growing up for not breaking out of your shell. For being too serious. Memories of older family members asking why you didn’t want to go play with the other kids in the playroom, teachers being shocked at your education levels, coworkers not believing your true age.

They called you an old soul. You called it having to be an adult as a child. Taking on more responsibility than a kid ever should, but that’s what happens when “dad” skips town on the family. Someone has to step up and help. That fell to you. It carried behind you as you molded and shaped into a young adult and then an adult. All of your professional positions were too similar to what you grew up with.

Dealing with it for years was far too much. Leaving for college nearly killed you, but it was what you wanted. Needed. Each time you spoke to your mom, your heart would ache and guilt would seep into the cracks of your soul about leaving them there alone.

It would never get easier.

Standing at the curb at the airport, waiting for their van to arrive, an older woman, a man in his forties, and another younger man appeared next to your side. “You’re Joshua’s assistant, right?” Your eyes peeled from your screen to fully take her in as she spoke to you. She must’ve been at least in her fifties, wearing clothes you had seen your grandmother in nearly ten years ago, gaudy glass jewelry decorating her.

The older man was dressed like a typical dad, in fact, he more than likely was someone's dad. He had a notepad tucked under one arm and paper tickets in his hand that had your eyes nearly bugging out. The younger gentleman was dressed incredibly well, but refused to make eye contact with you.

Nodding with your eyes slightly squinted, you held your hand out to her to offer a shake as she continued. “It’s nice to finally meet you! I’m Patty, Samuel’s assistant. That one is Bob, Jacob’s assistant. The one on the far end is Monty, he is with Daniel.” A smile took over your face at her, trying to bite back a laugh. It seems that they had all picked each other's assistants for shits and giggles.

Based on what you knew of them, Sam got the older woman because she was going to drive him crazy. He had little to no patience. Bob was for Jake, basically a parent to babysit him on the tour to make sure he wouldn’t die. Monty was standoffish and seemingly an asshole by the way he eyed you as you stood there. Totally offsetting the easy going nature of Danny.

What was the joke with you and Josh?

You had no time to dwell on it any longer because the van pulled up, you staying off to the side as Patty and Monty rushed to the van to grab their people. As each boy exited the vehicle, you gave a smile to each, chuckling as Sam flipped Danny off as Patty handed him sticky notes with her thoughts for him.

Danny awkwardly stood in front of Monty as Monty did not utter a word to him, counting the bags that got off for him before turning and handing him the luggage tag and asking him if he had received the itinerary information he had sent last night.

Jake gave a seemingly large smile to Bob, feeling happy that at least one of them got along well enough with their assistant. They fell into easy chatter about his baggage and flights today. When his curly head was the last to exit, you gave a small wave to him, seeing his large smile take over his face when he saw you.

“Good morning, Mr. Kiszka. I already took care of your luggage with the curbside attendants so when they remove it from the van it will be tagged and moved. Your boarding pass should be on your Apple Wallet. I did get the TSA precheck done for us so that is one thing we won’t have to worry about the entire tour. Oh, and we also have global entry for the international aspect. Your seat is 24A, I am 26A, within reasonable distance so if you need anything just give me a shout.”

His smile never faltered as you shot out all of that information to him, giving a shit eating grin to Sam, who looked like steam was about to cascade from his ears. As you both approached TSA with the group, the confused looks of everyone else as you two made your way to the precheck line was gold.

“Hey, how’d you do that?” Danny grumbled, reaching the end of the line as you and Josh kept moving forward, Josh’s loud cackle echoing through the area. You two reached the gate with a laughable amount of time before the others. Scanning the area, you knew coffee was going to be needed in order to get through the long travel day ahead.

“Starbucks is down that way.” You smiled at Josh, pulling out your phone to reload your app. “Thank you. What can I get for you?” He stretched, shaking his head and moving in the direction he had just motioned towards. “Oh no, I’ll go with you. We have a five hour flight ahead of us, before a two hour layover, and then another three hour flight. I need to be moving,” you nodded, the two of you walking towards the coffee shop in silence.

He finally cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable by the silence you were drenched in. “Have you ever been to Europe?” You shook your head, grabbing your wallet out of your bag as you two stood in line waiting for your turn, the app not working as your eyes remained locked to your screen. “Never traveled outside of California and Tennessee.”

You thought you heard his jaw hit the floor at your admission. “You’re joking?” Fighting a smile, you shook your head again. “No. I never traveled with my previous bosses and if I did it was just inside state limits. I would take over their office responsibilities while they were gone wherever,” his hand rubbed at his jaw.

“And nothing for personal travel?” Sighing and reading the menu, your head continued in the same motion. “Opportunity never presented itself.” You could tell he had a million questions, wanting to know all the details about it, but your saving grace was being called up next in line.

He tried to start up again as you both stood to the side of the counter waiting for your orders to be called, but he was cut off by your personal phone ringing. You smiled seeing your mom’s photo take up your screen, turning your body away from him to quickly and quietly talk.

“Hey, I’m at the airport. Boarding starts in about twenty minutes. I’m waiting for coffee right now. Yes, I will text you. Okay. Okay. Okay. Bye, you too.” Slipping your phone back in your pocket, he had a smirk playing on his face. Your order was yelled out into the busy shop and as you grabbed it, his order right next to yours, you knew you weren’t going to be getting away from conversation with him.

Josh was practically rocking on his heels, itching to speak as he sipped his tea. “Was that your mom?” His lighthearted tone had an excited, but jokey manner to it as you fought the urge to roll your eyes at him. “Yes.” What you could have sworn was a giggle came from his mouth, a large smile still plastered on his face.

“What’s her name? Tell me all about your mama.” He nudged you, eyes eager and hopeful that he was about to delve into your past and learn about you, even just a bit. Luckily, as you approached the gate, the gang was just arriving, all frazzled as boarding was due to begin in just a few minutes.

Biting back laughter and sipping your coffee, Sam and Danny quickly approached you, handing their phones over, you looked at them confused. “Whatever you did to get you and Josh through, please do for us.”

Josh had approached the counter and when he came back over to you, flashed his screen towards you. “26B. Seat buddies!” You bit back a laugh and smile you could feel forcing its way on your face. He was going to be too damn much to handle.

Why were you excited about it?

The first few weeks were a blur on the road. It was a life you had never experienced before. Going to bed in one city, working in another for twelve hours, and then repeating it over and over. The days all faded from one into another.

It was enthralling.

This was something you had thought of, envied others for actually doing. Never knowing what steps needed to be taken to get the plans in motion. Staring at plane tickets sitting in your checkout cart, waiting, begging to be purchased. To go someplace new, try something new, meet someone new.

Now, it was happening.

It was exhausting.

You had never been so sleep deprived in your life. Between learning how to sleep in a bunk bed in a constantly moving bus, insanely late hours after shows had concluded, and being up to watch the sunrise more days than not, you were still trying to adjust.

How long does it take someone to embrace and thrive on a new schedule? You were still trying to answer that. Learning the ins and outs of your boss was proving easier than you originally thought. Josh was a simple, but still a somewhat complex person. Being glued to his side for three weeks meant diving into the nitty gritty of who he is.

His food choices were quite limited, not offering many options due to the restrictions he was under for his job. You figured he would consume quite a few adult beverages, but not near as many as you had witnessed so far. He required much needed destress and alone time that he would typically meditate or reflect during. Josh called his mom nearly every single day, even if it was just for a few minutes to chat and check in. While he had a phone and used it, it was nowhere to the extent of most people his age. He appreciated a good coffee and would do his best to find a new place to try in every city you found yourself in. He always invited you.

Every chance he could, your name was slipping from his tongue, offering a spot for you to go with them to the bar they were going to be visiting after they finished performing. If he was venturing out to explore a city and wanted to visit a coffee shop, his eyes would fall to you, asking to be his company because everyone else was too hungover to be out that early.

He had wormed his way in with you in ways you hadn’t even noticed, but he did. Being up somewhat early to sit with you in the bus, basking in the silence as you peered out the window in awe of whatever you were whizzing by. Sometimes working, he would remain somewhat silent, but always finding a way to bring some chatter between you both. All he wanted to do was learn more about you, spend time with you. That’s why he always extended invitation offers for anything he was going to do to you.

At first, you politely declined each invitation. However, after one too many late nights working, you decided a walk to the coffee shop he described in immaculate detail sounded quite nice. A change of scenery from the inside of a tour bus or the same walls of a hotel room that you couldn’t identify out of a line up if your life depended on it was needed to keep your sanity in check. Josh literally jumped for joy right in front of you.

It elicited a laugh, which was not unusual. He had quite the knack for humor, people around him constantly clutching their sides from his jokes and quips. What made you laugh the most though, was his natural personality. He wasn’t afraid to be himself, no matter how ridiculous he appeared to others.

Admirable.

“A large mocha please. Thank you,” as you reached to pay, Josh’s card slapped onto the reader, instantly paying for your coffee. Shooting him an unamused look, you grabbed your phone, Apple Paying him for the exact amount with a smile.

Rolling his eyes at you, he placed his own order before accompanying you at the table you had sat at. He gave a large smile as he plopped into a chair across from you. Tilting his head ever so slightly, he took in the side of your face as you peered out to the street outside. Trying to place what city you had arrived in without being awake and present for it.

“Your nose twitches when you think,” you were startled by the voice breaking the silence you had been sitting in. Your eyes fell to the boy and slightly narrowed at him, a smirk tugging at your lips. “Does not.”

He shrugged, leaning back in his chair, still clad in loungewear, hair a poofy mess displaying he had in fact just rolled out of bed fifteen minutes ago and eyes set deep littered with exhaustion. “Do too. Oh, thank you so much, Maria!” Without another moment to respond, your coffee order was placed in front of you and the muffin you had been eyeing was there as well. Right in the middle of the table.

Knowing you didn’t place the order for the muffin, your eyes fell to the indifferent boy seated across from you as he brought the scalding liquid to his pursed lips. “Did you know her or something?” His brow furrowed, shaking his head as he set the mug back down, subconsciously pushing the plate towards you a bit more.

“No, why?” Shaking your head, you brought your own cup to your lips, eyes falling back to the bustling street outside. “You knew her name.” Still seeming confused by your response, his pinky finger continued to push the plate in your direction. “Her name tag was pinned to her shirt.” Nodding at his words, you fought a smile.

Of course he would actually call people by their names, even if they didn’t want it, which you could tell took the young girl aback. That’s such a Josh thing, you thought to yourself. The more you thought about it the more you realized that Josh always called everyone by their first names. Any chance he could, he would. You couldn’t count the amount of times you had heard him asking people for their names.

And he always remembered.

Josh picked at the muffin, popping a piece in his mouth, making a motion with his hand to you with expectant eyes. “I won’t eat it all. I mean don’t get me wrong it’s delicious, but too much sugar.” You fought the urge to roll your eyes, taking a piece of the crumble topping and placing it in your mouth.

Playing off how amazing it truly was, Josh’s lips fought off a beaming smile, a small victory in his books. It had been weeks together, every single day, countless hours, but he wasn’t making personal hedgeway with you. Professional? It was unreal how quickly you had caught on to his schedule and attuned your work to his. Personal? Not a damn inch.

You ordered your coffee quietly, too quiet for him to hear the full order which was excluding him from being able to order it for you just once. He had no idea what, if any, family or friends you had other than your mom because you had no social media presence anywhere. Not the slightest inkling to what food you enjoyed more than others because when you ate it was opposite hours of him. Josh didn’t even know if you liked their music because you hadn’t attended one of their shows. Pre-show prep was far too hectic for you to pay attention to anything other than your duties and you slept while they performed, but were present again for post-show to ensure anything he needed was taken care of. Worst of all, he hadn’t figured out your favorite color because all you wore were neutral tones and all of your personal belongings you kept packed away so he never saw them.

It was driving him mad.

In order for Josh to get along with someone he needed a connection. Anything. You were offering nothing. Even Danny was making moves with his assistant who was a complete asswipe. The woman who was old enough to be Sam’s grandmother acted like that. A grandmother. Jake basically had their dad on tour with them. But Josh?

Nothing.

Your goal on the other hand was working just fine. Productivity was at an all time high, it was a side of life you never thought you would be able to live in let alone enjoy, and you got along just fine with your boss.

Because that’s what he is. Your boss.

Was it difficult to continue hiding aspects of yourself and personality to keep the relationship with him strictly professional? Yes and no. Obviously you were giving some signs because you were munching on a blueberry muffin that you had thought you gave no indication that you truly wanted it. So of course there was some leeway, but otherwise it was working fine.

In order for this to continue on the successful path it was, you needed to play by the rules. Did you generate those rules? Yes, since there were absolutely none laid out for you when you started, but rules were there for a reason. To ensure everyone carried on with their work in the most efficient way possible.

Honestly, it seemed like it was the only way you were going to survive nearly a year on the road with them. If you started getting personal, it would only make it much more complicated and difficult to get work done. Keep emotions out of it.

That’s the key to success right there. Josh despised it while you thrived on it.

In fact, Josh never played by the rules. Bed times didn’t exist, alarms were never set, naughty things spoken without a second thought, he was the literal definition of fuck it. Which you discovered the more time you spent around him and his siblings that he was the one that needed the most structure in his life. That’s where you come in.

Was that the reason you were selected for Josh? That was what Jake had said in your interview, but given the jokey nature of the others and their assistants there had to be something more.

Providing a daily routine, schedule, something to keep him going at an acceptable pace. Executing it in a way that he didn’t tend to notice, making him think that he was still playing by his own rules. No rules. It took some time to get used to at first, but now it was a piece of cake. As easy as could be.

However, Josh was working you a bit, too. That’s why you were eating a muffin top, laughing with him about the mishap on stage from the night before that you weren’t there to see, but had heard all about it. He was going to crack you, he just had to make sure you wouldn’t notice it.

The alarm went off on your phone just as you finished the last swig of your coffee, eyes going slightly wide at the message on your screen. “Alright, we need to head back. You have an interview with a magazine in forty-seven minutes with Danny and then we need to get you to sound check for the show tomorrow night because the venue is closed tomorrow morning. There was an issue with the manager and he can only be here today so it needs to get done today.”

Josh’s deadpanned expression on his face let you know that he was not excited for what the day held in store for him. Sighing and tilting his chair back ever so slightly, he looked out the window, a smirk tugging at his lips. “Let’s make a deal?” Shaking your head at his words, you placed your empty cup on top of the plate that now only held remnants of the muffin you had split with him.

Did you split it? Or did you eat it all? No, you could’ve sworn he ate some, too. Are the dress pants you needed pressed on top of the black suitcase or tan suitcase? Josh’s jumpsuit should be back from the cleaners today, Jake’s suit should be, too. Make a note to call the cleaners and check on that.

“Unless the deal is getting back to the hotel within the next ten minutes and making you look presentable for the interview, the answer is a resounding no. You need to wash your hair today, by the way.” He groaned like a teenager being asked to take the trash out, head thrown back, adam's apple bobbing as the noise escaped him, arms crossed over his chest.

Grumbling as he finally stood from the table and following you out the entrance back in the direction you had come from. Never asking what the deal was, the afternoon went without a hitch. The interview was quick and efficient, sound check practically the same, you found yourself laying on the bed in your hotel room, eyes drifting shut as the air conditioner rumbled to life.

You could feel yourself slowly falling into the warm embrace of sleep, teetering on the edge of a blissful nap until your next alarm would go off signaling it was time to get back to your responsibilities. The pounding at your door had your eyes flying open, your body sitting upright on the mattress and turning towards where the noise had emitted from.

Tilting one head to the side and feeling some of the tension in your neck release, you pulled the door open to see a frazzled Jake standing on the other side with a twin in tow. Before Jake had even spoken, Josh shot you a truly apologetic look. “I can’t find my suit anywhere. We leave for the venue in twenty minutes and I have no idea where it’s at. I swear to god if it’s lost I’m going to lose my mind. I’ve been calling and texting you, are you not near your phone?”

Your brain was trying to catch up with how quickly he was speaking and process the information he was feeding to you. Josh’s hands went to his hips, shooting daggers at his brother, but took a deep breath to calm himself down before exploding on him.

“Relax. We’re gonna find it,” you fought the urge to rub at your eyes, grabbing your phone from your back pocket and seeing that you had nearly thirty missed calls and texts from all of the brothers and assistants. The hairs on the back of your neck stood to attention, feeling dread pounding into you when you realized how long you had been asleep and that you had missed all of these messages from your boss.

“Jake, your suit? It was with the cleaners and I had them deliver it directly to the venue so we didn’t have to transport it. I always have Josh’s jumpsuits taken directly to the venue so we don’t have to worry about it and I had the same done for yours. I apologize for not informing you about that. I am also so sorry for missing all of your calls and texts. I fell asleep and didn’t realize how long I had been out. It won’t happen again, Mr. Kiszka.” You could see Jake’s shoulders instantly release the tension he had been holding onto at your words, a small breath of air escaping through tight lips.

Josh’s intense glare never left his sibling, stance still the same as it was. “Apologize to her now.” Your eyes went wide, instantly going to say otherwise and how it wasn’t necessary, putting the blame solely on yourself. Your boss's hand came up, halting you before you could speak up.

“No, no. He absolutely owes you an apology. You asked her to take care of your suit because Bob was incapable of finding a good cleaner and she did. I don’t appreciate you treating her like you are. She was resting, she is allowed to do that because her services were not needed for,” he checked his phone for a fleeting moment, “sixteen minutes. She and I have a system in place and if you would occasionally like her assistance, you need to treat her how she deserves to be treated. Apologize. Now.” Standing there positively gobsmacked and unsure what you were supposed to be doing in that moment, you watched as Jake’s jaw set.

A small expulsion of air left his nostrils as he turned to you, clearly unhappy with what his brother was forcing him to do. “My apologies. I was not aware of the process with Josh’s wardrobe and I shouldn’t have spoken to you in that way and made assumptions like I did. Forgive me.” You nodded fervently, hands clasped together in front of your body, nearly refusing to make eye contact with him.

“Of course. My communication should have-” Josh’s hand went up again, shaking his head and cutting you off. “Absolutely not. Jake is aware of the process and it slipped his mind. You did everything right. Jake, go.” His twin filed out of the room, not looking your way again as he left.

The heavy hotel door shut behind him and in what can only be described as a word vomit, you quickly spoke. “I am so sorry. I don’t know what happened, I thought I just closed my eyes for a second and I have no idea how the vibrations of my phone didn’t wake me up. I assumed he knew that his suit would be delivered to the venue and I shouldn’t have made that assumption.”

Josh’s sincere smile took over his features, waving you off. “Don’t worry about it. He’s being an ass because he and his girlfriend haven’t fucked in weeks and they’re fighting. He’ll give you an actual apology in a day I promise.”

That was the first time he had stood up for you. It wasn’t the last either. Tough spats between siblings often turned to their assistants when in bad and annoyed moods. It was expected with how much time they were spending with each other.

What wasn’t expected was every time another assistant, crew member, or sibling tried speaking in a way that was anything but friendly to you had irked Josh in a way that had him standing up for you in any way he could. Everyone knew to only step on toes once because Josh would set the record straight thereafter.

You weren’t sure how to feel about it. In this line of work, it was almost part of the job description to be treated subpar. Not in Josh’s job description. He was so grateful that over the first half of the tour you had been so amazing with anything and everything that this job could encompass, he felt it completely necessary to defend you.

Compared to the others, you were a literal saint. You never strayed from your job and its responsibilities. He hardly ever caught you on your personal device and when he did, you were wrapping up a call with someone who he could only assume was your mother. Your entire life revolved around him. Of course he was going to stand up for you.

His siblings teased him relentlessly for it. They said it was incredibly obvious he was in love with you. Entirely enamored with you. Sam claimed he had caught him on more than one occasion just watching you.

His favorite tale was at a winery in Italy. You stood off to the side of the tour group, a wonderful sundress lightly fluttering in the breeze, sunglasses alternating from resting on the bridge of your nose to the top of your head, your skin glowing from the late summer sun. Sam and Danny nudged each other, snickering as they watched their brother. They said Josh stared at you with his jaw slightly agape for nearly fifteen minutes.

Was he taken aback by seeing your bare shoulder for the first time? The puffy sleeve of your dress resting on the tops of your biceps. The neckline dipping dangerously low over the curve of your chest. A single gold necklace with a dangling pendant of your zodiac sign resting soundly against you. The dress hem resting midcalf, the most leg he had ever seen from you. He was just surprised is all.

That’s all. Nothing more.

Did he think about that afternoon for the next month straight? How smooth your skin would be under his fingertips, igniting and bristling as he traced every curve and committed every feature to memory. What kind of reaction would happen if you started with secret touches shared amongst one another. What you would do if his hand found home on your hip in front of everyone. How you would respond to him maneuvering your head to the side, allowing him unrestricted access to the large expanse of bare skin, goosebumps erupting as his breath fanned along your neck. Of course not. Anyways, he would never admit it to anyone if he did.

Which he didn’t.

It didn’t matter because in his mind you were in no way shape or form interested in something like that with him. No, you only viewed him as a boss. Your boss. The boss. It’s why you refused to divulge any information about yourself to him.

Sure, after the incredulous amount of time you had spent together, he was going to find out some things about you. Like how easy it was to make you laugh. He had a knack for it somehow because when Sam tried telling you jokes they almost always fell flat. That you were a diagnosed insomniac and he could almost always find you up in the middle of the night with a sheepish grin as you read a book. Oh, and that you adored trashy literature. Your book fell from your bunk and when he picked it up to put it back, his eyes widened at the utter filth adorning the page. His cheeks burned crimson for the next week whenever he looked at you.

But that was about all. It was killing you.

The more you got to know Josh and the more time spent together, all you wanted to do was share some personal things with him. Instead, you fed tiny insignificant tidbits about yourself to him to not only keep him at bay, but you as well. That you loathed socks, were an avid watcher of Star Wars and all franchise shows, and that you preferred tote bags to actual purses.

You highly doubted he even remembered those things about you, but deep down you knew he did. It meant too much to him to not. Each time he would ask you to accompany them on a night out, it was growing more and more difficult to turn it down. The more time you spent with him, which was nearly every waking minute, all you wanted to do was spend time with him in a nonprofessional setting.

That’s not good. That was what you knew would tip the scales and everything you had been working towards, every boundary you had set, would be out the window. Being on the road was proving to be a lot lonelier than you had originally assumed.

Of course, there was some basic understanding that because of the limits you had put in place with the band that social interaction on a more personal level would be dimmed, you didn’t think it would be quite like this. With the few lonesome hours that you did experience, while it was a blissful and welcome break, you found yourself longing for someone to share the time with.

Why was your mind wandering to Josh? You spent the most time with him. That’s why. No other reason. Imagining tracing the slope of his nose with the tip of your finger. How his plush lips would feel against the pulse of your neck. Teeth nipping at the skin and soothing it with his tongue right after.

Knock it off!

It was rare. Having three days off in a row. No interviews, no sound checks, no duties that had to be taken care of during that span of time. Where better to have that happen than in France. It was actual heaven.

Many moons ago, one of your closest friends from high school had gone off to college and during one of her years, had taken the opportunity to study abroad. You can recall spending hours on the phone with her listening in great detail to her tales and trying to picture yourself doing what she had done. Of course, a majority of those things you could never do, but one small story had stuck with you through the years.

She had described a small village in France, an incredibly sleepy town that was the quietest place she had ever been to. The food was indescribable, the city was phenomenal with mainly mom and pop shops, and overlooking the ocean from anywhere you could look in the town. You had been fantasizing and daydreaming about this village since she had told you.

Now, it was your turn to be there. Waking up with the sun, getting ready as silently as possible as to not wake anyone up, and trying to sneak out of the hotel room. You thought you were golden until you heard your name leave his lips. You jumped with a start, hand landing over your heart. “Jesus! Mr. Kiszka, good morning.”

His smile never diminished, eyes squinting at you being fully dressed this early in the morning. On a non-work day. “Good morning to you, too. Where are you off to this early in the am? Running off and leaving us all behind?” You gave a tight lipped smile, letting the hotel room door fully close behind you, your back connecting with the wood.

Checking the time on your phone, you knew you needed to get a move on. “Since it is my day off, yes I am.” Josh shrugged, bottom lip lightly pushing out as his eyes fell downcast, a sigh following. “Oh okay. Well we’ll be around here if you need anything. Don’t think we’re doing anything today really. Just wandering around. Anyways, yeah I’ll have my phone on me if you need anything. Just give me a call or text. Whatever.” Guilt was worming its way into your gut as you watched his mood continue to sour, sighing quietly and checking your phone again.

“If you can be dressed and ready within ten minutes you can come with me. If you’d like,” his head snapped up at you, eyes bright with excitement. He calmed down, cheeks turning a light pink as he turned from your smirking gaze. “I wouldn’t want to intrude on your day off. You spend enough time with me as is.”

There was that feeling again.

Against your better judgment, it came tumbling from your lips before you could stop it. “No, I would love it if you would come. Really,” your smile grew at the end, seeing how excited he truly was to hear you say that. He was practically bouncing in his spot, joy seeping from him in waves.

“If you insist! Let me just change super quickly and grab some stuff and then we’ll go.” You nodded, standing there waiting for the boy to reappear from the room directly next to yours. Nerves pummeled you, constantly checking over your shoulder to see if anyone was going to slip out of their own room and see you waiting for Josh. It was entirely ridiculous, he was your boss. No one would even bat an eye at it, but there was something screaming inside of you that this was going to be a bad decision.

That something was going to shift today that you wouldn’t be able to take back. Maybe that’s what you wanted.

You didn’t have much time to dwell because he came bounding out of the room, green jumpsuit adorning his slight frame, hair a wild untamed ball, camera resting soundly on his arm. Josh’s eyes that once held your own fell down to where your gaze was currently sitting and he beamed at you.

“I take it the jumpsuit was a good call?” You returned the smile, shaking your head as you began walking down the hallway. “Oh, of course. It’s just that’s what you were wearing during our first meeting. The color suits you very well, Mr. Kiszka.” He groaned as you entered the elevator together, turning to fully face you as it began its trek downwards.

He placed both hands in a prayer formation, landing right under his chin, large eyes peering into yours. “Please call me Josh. While it’s just us today, okay? I won’t tell anyone. It won’t damage your resume, promise. Today, it’s Josh, alright?” You battled within yourself, gnawing on the inside of your cheek, forcing your mouth open, teeth sank into your bottom lip.

Eyes traveling up to connect with his once more, you let out a large sigh. “Just today. Okay, Josh?” He almost fell over as his name left your lips for the first time. In fact, he had no idea how to respond. Only nodding, swallowing thickly, he turned away from you, standing barely a hair from one another, his widened eyes stared at the elevator doors as they parted for you both.

His knuckles were stark white from the grip he had on the wooden railing that was around the entire metal box. Reluctantly letting go, he watched as you waltzed out into the lobby, second guessing every decision leading to this moment.

What the fuck had he done?

The train ride to the town began as any other day would for the two of you. First, talking about the upcoming week and what it would entail work wise. Second, about what food Josh was hoping to find wherever you were going to be going. Third, Josh fiddling with his camera and talking nonstop to fill the silence that would linger between you both.

You had gone through the motions within the first fifteen minutes. Then you did something entirely unexpected.

“When we get there, can you help me find an antique shop or something like that? I haven’t gotten a gift for my sister yet and she’ll kill me if I don’t,” you chuckled at the end, peering out the window and taking in the majestic scenery zooming by. When Josh didn’t respond, you turned your attention over to him to see a blank expression sitting on his face. A complete deer in the headlights moment.

Your brow furrowed before realizing you had given him a fact of your life without even catching it. He cleared his throat, trying to redeem himself and play it cool, but he was about to bounce off the walls. “Sur-absolutely. How old is she?” He wasn’t holding eye contact, but you knew what he was doing.

Fighting a smile, you turned back towards the window, chin resting on your palm. “She and my brother are twins. They are fourteen. I found something for him a while ago, but nothing for her.” Josh couldn’t contain his utter joy any longer. His hand went to his chest, pointing at himself. “Jake and I are twins!”

Pretending to be shocked, you played into it. “Shut up! No way! I had no idea,” he rolled his eyes at your sarcasm, but a giggle flitted from him as his cheeks grew rosier by the minute. “Yeah yeah whatever. What does she like?”

You filled him in on all the details of your siblings, never revealing their names, the rest of the ride there. When you stepped off the train and got in a cab to get to the little town, and realization of where you were slammed into you, you couldn’t fight the tears that welled in your eyes.

Getting out of the car, it was like a burden had been lifted from your shoulders. The smell of the sea wafting through the air. The cobblestone streets that you had only dreamed of seeing and walking on. The locals carried on with their daily lives, where they were being of little importance to them. To you it was everything.

It was the life you had dreamed of living. That once seemed so unobtainable, but now you were living it. Having escaped from the hellscape of childhood and young adulthood. Everything you had worked towards. It was here.

A hand landed in between your shoulder blades, the cool skin signaling to whom it was pressed against the bare skin there. Offering a small smile to him, his worried look was plastered on his features. “You okay?” Taking in a deep breath, your smile continued to grow as you nodded in response.

“Never been better.” His face lit up at your words, immediately leading you towards the city center to start the day. Arm never leaving you, you wrapped your own through the crook of his elbow. Josh’s eyes nearly falling out of his head at the contact you offered him.

It truly was one of the best days of your life. Sides ached from the amount of laughter shared between you two. Stories were given to one another about the tales of adventures shared with friends and family. Walking so close to each other you swore you could feel the goosebumps rise on his skin with each brush of your arm.

Comfortable. Delightful. Electric.

The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. The rays glistening and dancing on the ever moving water below it. Casting everything in its touch with hues of orange and pink. Complimenting all creatures with the sun kissed glow. The restaurant seated for amazing views of the coast.

Sipping from your cocktail glass, you and Josh were cackling into them, earning stares from those occupying the tables around you. The view was breathtaking and you couldn’t help that your eyes would continue to wander to it whenever an opportunity presented itself. A lag in the conversation meant your smile was permanently stuck to your face, one of the best moods you had ever been in holding strong on you. The day had been beyond what you had dreamed of.

The company wasn’t too bad either.

“Craziest thing you’ve ever done?” Snapping out of your own thoughts, you turned towards the boy seated across from you, hands folded on the table as he leaned towards you. Sighing with a shrug, you took another sip of your cocktail, shaking your head. “Good try.”

He groaned, slightly leaning back into his seat, nearly giving up before he gave a hefty shrug of his shoulders. “Yeah I figured. It was worth a shot though. I’ve pushed my limits with you today. Not only that, but you’re a complete goody two shoes.” It was at that moment something clicked in you.

After being so cold towards Josh for so unbearably long, just trying to keep things on a professional level, he had hardly ever pushed you to share information you weren’t comfortable with. Sure, he would annoy the hell out of you to find out any information he could, but he knew boundaries and didn’t push them.

And you despised being called a goody two shoes.

“I took my moms car when I was a senior in high school and drove to Las Vegas with my friends during senior ditch day. My friend had gotten us fake ids and we used them to gamble what little money we had in the casinos and get drinks. We ended up so plastered we had to get a room for the night and put it on one of my friends credit cards. My mom thought I was just staying at her house for the weekend. That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever done. Oh, and I was high for a majority of the time.” Your eyes were squinted in his direction, challenging him, trying to read his reaction, his jaw hanging slack.

Who’s the goody two shoes, now?

He blinked multiple times, trying to come back to his senses before shaking his head, a loud laugh shaking his entire body. “Holy fuck! That’s actually insane. Did your mom notice the miles on the car?” Finishing off your drink, you thought about that. “You know, I actually don’t know. If she did she never said anything about it. I never acted out or did anything so I think she was just happy I went and did something fun, but those days are behind me. One and done you know? She always used to say that her birdie needed to learn how to fly. I think that was her way of letting me,” Josh’s soft smile warmed you from your head to your toes, spreading throughout every limb, settling low in your stomach.

Tilting his head at you, his smile grew. “Birdie. Is that your nickname?” Your cheeks grew hot, not even noticing that you had let that slip. Only nodding in response, he winked at you. “I love that. It’s so,” his eyes continued to watch over you as his smile grew, “you.” You didn’t know how to respond, not knowing if it was a compliment or not, but Josh continued on.

“Mine is nothing like that. Growing up in the midwest, underage drinking was the norm. It was how we passed time. Mine’s dumb compared to yours. I went skinny dipping once and got my clothes stolen by my brother. Had to walk over a mile home butt ass naked. At least it was summer though,” you were laughing so hard you had tears streaming down your face, trying to catch your breath.

Josh rolled his eyes at you, face burning bright red, arms crossed over his chest. “Yeah yeah yeah, whatever.” As you settled down, wiping at your face with your napkin, you felt a sense of boldness wash over you, speaking before you could think twice about it. “I’ve always wanted to skinny dip.”

It was like flipping a switch. Watching as his eyes turned from one of joking to instantaneous mischief. Setting your now empty glass on the table, you began fervently shaking your head and a continuous chorus of no’s left your mouth. He nodded, entirely ignoring you and quickly standing from the table, the bill paid over an hour ago.

Dragging you through the streets, laughter bouncing off the surrounding buildings, you couldn’t catch your breath as his hand held a firm grasp on your arm. His chilly hand clamped to your forearm, grip never relenting despite the tiny fight you were putting up to actually escape from him.

Unsure of where he was leading you, your head was on a swivel, trying to place your location, but it didn’t seem to matter because Josh seemed to know this place like the back of his hand despite never having been here before. When a small lake appeared, your laughter died down to giggles as you peered at the boy.

“How the hell did you know this was here?” A sheepish smile took over his face, cheeks going rosy as he bashfully kicked his leg around. “Walked by it earlier. Do you not remember that?’ You tried thinking back to earlier in the day when you would have made your way by this, but when you were about to say you truly didn’t it dawned on you.

Your mouth fell open and your palm landed on your forehead. “Oh! That’s right. We were going to the, the, the-” you were snapping your fingers, trying to place where you were heading before Josh cut you off, “the patisserie.” Your smile grew thinking back to the chocolate concoction you had consumed just hours before.

Sitting on the grass with a sigh, you felt elated. “Thank you for coming with me. Seriously, I think you made the day ten times more fun than I would have ever had by myself.” He took the spot next to you, stretching his legs out with a groan, knee nearly knocking with your own, resting his arms behind him. “You’re just saying that. Trying to get in my good graces. I know your tricks,” laughter fell from you both as you nudged him with your shoulder.

“Damn right. Better give me a great performance review,” you two fell into a comfortable silence as the sun finally disappeared, only basking the area in a gracious moonlight that seemed to illuminate the entire area, reflecting perfectly off the calm lake water.

Josh was nervous. He kept playing with his lips. Teeth nipping at them, tongue darting out over them, sucking them into his mouth. The last thing he wanted to do was to ruin a perfectly fantastic day by frightening you off, but he had a feeling he wouldn’t do that. “Alright, what’s up?” You turned your head to look straight at him, catching him off guard as you did. Smile never faltering, trying to get him to relax.

Why was he freaking out? You watched as his eyes wandered your features, knowing exactly where he was going. That’s why he was freaking out.

You weren’t.

This is your only chance to do something like this. Who better to do it with than Josh? Don’t be a coward. Just do it.

Standing from your spot, Josh’s fuzzy brows drew together as he monitored your movements. Stepping out of the sandals you had worn, undoing the zipper on the side of your dress, you watched as Josh’s eyes grew as wide as saucers, truly rivaling the moon. He started to stutter, sticking his hand out to stop you from stepping out of the fabric.

“Oh my god, no no. I was totally joking,” you beamed down at his nearly frightened features, skin burning at the contact of his fingers wrapped around your wrist. “I wasn’t. I’ve always wanted to skinny dip. Either you can join me or you can watch or you can turn around and face the trees to not see me,” with his hand still around your wrist, you finished removing the dress from your figure.

It fell in a pool around your feet, eye contact never breaking with him. Watching his adam's apple bob in his throat, breath stuttering, hands having a slight tremble. He was terrified to look down, to see you in a light he hadn’t before.

Standing only in your panties and bra, your breathing was more even than you anticipated. It felt right. Like this was meant to be happening. Here. With him.

It feels right.

Walking away from him, your hands went behind your back, unclasping your bra, the straps fell down your arms. Tossing it to the side, you stopped on the edge of the water. Taking a deep breath, you lifted one leg, stepping out of the panties and removing them from your boiling skin.

It took every ounce of courage you had to turn your head over your shoulder and look to the stunned boy still sitting in the grass. The moonlight was basking you in an aura he had only dreamed of. Turning to stone as he sat mesmerized by your utter beauty, unsure of what he should have been doing at that exact moment.

The question answered for him as your singsong voice rang out into the still air. “Are you coming or what, Josh?” Realizing at that second that he wasn’t dreaming, that you were real and standing before him in the way you were was almost too much to handle.

Moving to autopilot he hastily stood, undoing the buttons of his jumpsuit, leaving the article of clothing right next to yours. Watching in awe as you moved into the water, laughter and giggles flitting out into the night.

As he became fully nude, you had turned in the water, letting it approach your chin, monitoring every movement that he made. Despite every time you had thought about this moment, the nerves you thought would be coursing through you, it wasn’t like that at all.

Basking in comfort, enthralled that you were doing this with him, contentment with how the day had gone. What a beautiful way to end the day.

Swimming out to meet you in the lake, his teeth chattered, the cool water embracing you both despite the sweltering temperatures that the day had held. Your hair was drenched, the water droplets dripping down your face as you beamed at him.

“Thank you for doing this with me. Total bucket list thing right now,” he laughed, moving slightly closer to you as he did. “I’m glad I could be here to influence you in this way. Time for you to act out a little. How does it feel?” His excited eyes greeted yours, truly interested in your response.

Something changed in that instant. The giggles had died down, instead a heat had replaced it. Your smile didn’t falter, but you felt a more serious nature take over. Nodding your head in response, you crept closer to him, your voice whispering out into the air between you both.

“Really good.” Josh felt it too. An intensity he hadn’t been expecting. One that he felt you were acting on, wanting to embrace this. With him.

Deciding to not let logic and rules define you in that moment, you closed the gap between you two. It was incredibly soft, gentle, exploratory. His tender lips cradled yours, hardly applying any force. Afraid that if he pushed too hard it would scare you off.

Letting your arms circle around his neck, your bodies connected, igniting every nerve ending you had. Josh’s hands splayed across the bare expanse of your back, leaving the water with a splash as he held you for the first time.

Deepening the kiss, your mouth opened for him, letting your tongues brush against each other. Unable to hold in the small whimper at the blissful feeling, Josh took that as a positive sign.

You were needing this, craving this, just as much as he had been. When he felt your fingers tangle in his damp locks and lightly scratch his scalp, tugging right after, he pulled you closer to him. There was little space left, but he wanted none.

Noses hitting, breathing growing heavier, Josh’s hands moved from your back to under your legs. The underside of your thighs were gripped by his fingertips, motioning for you to wrap your legs around his waist.

Immediately, you did. The tip of his cock brushed against your bare core, eliciting a strong gasp from you. Just the small contact had you desperate for more, butterflies filling your lower stomach, heat coursing through you.

Your skin was positively on fire, never wanting this contact with him to end. As Josh went to exit the lake, you still wrapped securely around him, you quickly detached.

Moving to where your clothes were haphazardly thrown onto the grass, you grabbed both items and laid them out for you to lay on, some barrier between you and the ground. When you were on your back, staring up at the boy whose gaze was one you had never experienced before, it was unlike anything you had ever seen before.

The moonlight held him in such a gorgeous glow, illuminating his wet and glistening skin. His hair was dropping into his eyes, but his veiny hand pushed the locks out of his line of sight, not wanting anything obstructing his view of you. Dazzling smile greeting you, lips darker than normal due to the chill he felt and the nature of which they had just been involved in. The droplets falling off of his skin onto you below him cause a sense of jealousy to erupt in him. How unfair that they were able to touch you and be one with you when he couldn’t. He didn’t want to waste any time with you, dipping his head down and connecting your lips once again.

Your budded nipples were achingly hard under his hands. They tweaked and teased you, back arching into his grasp, positively desperate for more from him. With each movement he did, you could feel him brushing against you.

It was driving you mad. Your hips were bucking to connect with his. Stilling as his lips suckled around one of your breasts, a shaky moan attempting to escape your throat. He matched his motions on the other, never neglecting the opposite as he did.

His lips landed in the valley between your breasts, placing deep, chaste kisses down your sternum, stomach, hips, and thighs. Hands held firm to your waist, not wanting you to slip away from him. Terrified that this was a far too realistic dream. Where he would wake up like a horny teenage boy after a wet dream.

Yet as his eyes connected with yours, breath fanning across your core, he knew it was reality. Flattening his tongue on your core, your head fell back. Back arching off the ground as he began eating you like a starved man.

Like this was all he needed to survive. What he had been fantasizing about. Trying to imagine the taste of you, nothing could even compare to what was landing on his tastebud’s. Eyes rolling into the back of his head, the sounds coming from you stirred him on.

Wanting nothing more than to taste your release on him, he lapped at you, sucking your bundle of nerves into his mouth and holding it there, sending you over the edge into a mumbling mess.

When he came back up face to face with you, the tears that escaped from the corners of your eyes worried him at first, but quickly diminished as your hands landed behind his ears, dragging you to him. Teeth nearly clacking together, his breathing grew more uneven.

Your hand went between your bodies, leading his throbbing cock to your soaked entrance. Connecting your eyes once more, he wanted to be sure. Not wanting to taint anything between you both.

“Are you sure?” Not a moment of hesitation, you responded with a breathless yes, sealing it with a small peck. Josh couldn’t wait a second longer, letting his tip enter you. Taking it inch by inch, you welcomed him with no fight.

Josh’s pace was slow and deep, wanting to savor this. As your legs hiked around his waist, your lips never parted with each other. Pants and moans mixing together, breathing the other in, head dizzy with arousal.

You had never felt so welcomed and embraced with someone as you had with him. This was everything you had been thinking about since you had first seen him. Knowing him, growing closer with him, anything with him.

He made you feel wanted and despite all your attempts of keeping him out, keeping him complacent, it was all for not. Josh was a force that you couldn’t fight, didn’t want to fight. Wanting to fall into him, let him know you inside and out, it was pointless to go against it.

But you had to. Just not at that moment. No, in this moment you could accept it, envelop in it, rejoice in it. Letting him treat you like the almighty being he wanted to. Walls crashing down for just a bit. Right now, it was all about you two mingling together.

White hot heat flashed behind your eyes, body contracting as your orgasm flooded your senses. Tense muscles crushing Josh to you as he emptied out in you momentarily after you. His body shook with pleasure, whimpers falling against your lips as you attempted to catch your breath. To come back down from the intensity of the evening.

Savoring in the closeness for now. For now.

The train ride back into the city was incredibly peaceful. You sat next to Josh the entire ride home, head resting on his shoulder, drifting in and out of sleep after he whispered to you that it was too late to be up and to rest.

So, you did. At one point, his own head rested on your own, his warm cheek pressed against the crown of your head, his breath spanning across the top of your hair. When you woke up and saw both of your fingers entangled together, you almost didn’t want to reclaim your own hand. It felt right.

It shouldn’t have.

That’s why the moment you stepped off the train, it was a sense of dread sitting heavy on you. It was like everything and anything that could have changed, did. Stepping towards your hotel room door, Josh’s hand gripped your waist, spinning you back towards him and colliding his lips with yours.

You didn’t fight, argue, try to stop it. Sinking into it, him. Letting your lips mesh together in a way that was a sense of comfort and security. Him letting you know that this was where you were meant to be. Something you had never felt before. You didn’t want to feel it. You couldn’t.

That’s why when you two separated, him going into his room and you yours, you laid flat on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Tears slowly trickled from the corners of your eyes, hand clamping down over your mouth to silence any noise that could have been coming from you.

You had known it from the minute you had seen him. It was going to end poorly. If you were anything other than extremely professional, setting firm boundaries, not allowing him any way in, it was going to end up a complete shit storm.

It was on the horizon. The gorgeous skies that seemed as though they were hand painted by the most talented artist you had ever seen before the black clouds would roll in, wreaking havoc on anything in its way. You were slowly watching it morph and change the aura around you.

He had captivated you, drawn you in so quickly. The most interesting being you had ever encountered. Wickedly talented beyond measure. A careful and caring being, wanting to cause no harm, only leaving a trail of happiness and good behind him. He did.

Staying away from him and the true being he was, was torture. He wanted to know you, see you, embrace you. Love you. You could feel it, see it in his eyes. The way he admired you, gazed at you, he just didn’t want to frighten you off.

This had to be the only encounter that you experienced with him. Anything more would mangle and wreck you both. This was already going too far too fast.

Hearing and feeling the vibrations of your phone, you tried to ignore it given the incredibly late hour, but decided that if it was work related you needed to answer. Grabbing the device and seeing your moms photo filling up the screen you groaned, knowing you were in no condition to speak with her, but remembering that it was a rare chance when you could actually talk to her.

“Hi mom!” You tried to sound as cheery as you could, knowing your mom bought it when her chipper voice echoed out into the room. “My birdie girl! How is my little globetrotter? Are you working hard? Have you been eating? What time is it there? Are you supposed to be sleeping right now?” She left little room between her sentences to give an actual response, but as you answered her plethora of questions, you felt your chest growing tighter, knowing that morning was growing closer and closer.

You made a decision that night. Carry on like normal. Act like nothing had happened and continue on with life, living like one of the best nights of your life had actually never occurred. A figment of your imagination. No matter how bad it hurts.

He was waiting for you the next morning, bright and early knowing you were going to go for a little walk. It scared the ever loving shit out of you, jumping nearly ten feet in the air. “Jesus! You have got to stop doing that,” you chuckled, hand landing over your heart.

“Apologies. I was just thrilled to see you this fine morning,” and he truly looked as though he was. His eyes were slightly hooded as he peered at you. Cheeks a light pink. Hair somewhat smoothed down, but still a disheveled mess. Same outfit adorned as always.

Your pulse was a million miles a minute as the smell of his cologne flooded your senses. Needing to nip this in the bud and quickly, you spoke up. “That’s very nice of you, Mr. Kiszka. I should be back around eleven this morning. If you need anything in the meantime please feel free to text me.” Offering as pleasant of a smile as you could, you watched as he rolled his eyes.

“I thought we were past that.” Your brows quirked, trying to play the part of not understanding why the nature of your relationship would have changed. “Mr. Kiszka, with all due respect, you are still my boss. What happened last night was out of line for both of us and I think that we should act as though it didn’t happen. Please.”

Your eyes held his stare, seeing the expression of bewilderment take over his features. “Are you joking?” Shaking your head, he moved away from you, staring as though you had scorned him. Perhaps you had. “I thought-I thought that we had made some serious progress yesterday. That we were moving in a better direction for us,” his hand moved between you two.

You fought the nerves vibrating in you as you stood strong. “I apologize if that’s the message I displayed to you yesterday, but no. I would prefer if we could remain the same. Strictly professional.” His jaw hung slack, eyes growing wider at your words.

His hands rubbed at his eyes, a harsh laugh escaping his lips. “This has got to be some sort of fucking joke. Birdie, I cannot just forget what happened yesterday!” You winced at his tone, hearing the intensity setting in it. “I know it meant a lot for you, too. Don’t pretend like it didn’t.”

He was reading you and he was doing it well. Sighing, despite every instinct in you screaming to just fall into it, let it happen between you two, you continued to hold strong. “No. I apologize for letting things get too far.”

Staring at you in utter disbelief, every emotion displayed across his face. “So that’s it? Not even friends?” Hesitating, only briefly, you shook your head. He wasted no time, pushing past you and going back into his hotel room.

The rest of the day was spent miserable alone. Wandering the streets until eleven, just as you had stated, was unenjoyable. Your mind was rushing, wondering if any chance of a normal relationship with him had gone out the window.

Regret.

Standing in the lobby the next morning, you were exhausted. Hardly having slept the night before didn’t matter when you needed to work. Waiting for the group to emerge with their own luggage in tow, ready to head to the next location. It was best to use one of the free days for a travel day. It got you there sooner and gave you an extra day to explore a new place.

They were easy to spot and hear, their own assistants and other tour employees following in tow. You offered a tight lip smile, clutching your planner to your chest, breath stuttering in your throat. You had to do this.

It was the only thing that would make this work. Stick to the plan. Don’t give up. It’ll go back to how it was.

“Good morning, Mr. Kiszka. I have already emailed you the travel itinerary for the day, there is a coffee waiting for you in the van, and I did find you an extra phone charger since your last one was left behind.” A light joking tone came with your words, but as you spoke, Josh’s smile diminished the second he laid eyes on you.

This wasn’t what he was expecting. At all. Despite you having agreed that calling him by his first name was just for the lone day, he thought that after what had happened, you would continue to do it. That the cold and steely demeanor you had been using with him since the start was cracked and gone. He felt stupid. Used.

Wrecked that what progress he had thought he had made with you would bring some sense of change. That you would feel more comfortable with him. Possibly even returning the feelings he had been fostering and harboring for you. Ridiculous.

Only murmuring a thank you under his breath, he walked away from you quickly and towards the van. You sighed, eyes briefly closing as your thoughts swirled in your head.

This was for the best. He’d get over it.

Turns out that Josh holds a grudge a lot better than you assumed he would. For such a cheery and pleasant person, you truly didn’t expect him to continue to practically give you the silent treatment for weeks. He refused to hold eye contact with you, only spoke to you for pressing work matters, the whole shebang.

Thinking that this would make it easier, better even. Him only giving what you did on a daily basis. It was the total opposite. It was miserable. You dreaded getting up in the morning and having to deal with work matters.

The following few weeks, you were at the lowest you had ever felt. Never having had a close relationship with a boss before, let alone what you two had done and said to one another, proved that your way of handling and dealing with things was the only way to make things work. Don’t get close. You’ll only get burned in the process.

Everyone else had noticed the shift between you two as well. Jake had tried bringing it up with his twin, but immediately was shut down. He relayed the message to the others not to bring it up, whatever had happened obviously still too raw to handle. No one enjoyed being around a grumpy Josh anyways.

He would transform into a truly awful person to be around on a daily basis. His normal patient, wondrous, and joyous persona would disappear and morph into one of the complete opposite. Locking himself away in the various hotel rooms, bus bunk bed, not wanting to see or speak to anyone. No performance he gave good enough or to the impossible standards he was holding himself too.

It wasn’t good.

That’s why when you were sitting at a desk in a hotel lobby, battling an airline over a ticket mixup, the spitting image of your boss in another life sat across from you, you knew what it was about. Hanging up the phone call with a sigh, you tried to force a smile on your depleted and tired features.

“Mr. Kiszka, what can I do for you?” He removed his sunglasses, sitting them on the tabletop next to his resting arm and peered at you. “For starters, you can fix my brother.” Going to speak, he held up his hand, shaking his head. “Look, I don’t need all the details. All I know is that something happened between you two. It needs to be repaired because the way you two are trying to carry on is not cohesive for either of you. Just try and fix it.”

Eyes falling downcast, you felt the weight of the situation sinking further onto you. “What if I say I don’t know if it can be,” Jake shrugged that off like it was silly to even suggest or think. “He likes you. In more than one way, which I’m sure is the root of this, but it’ll be fine. Talk to him. Josh, he-” taking a moment, rolling his eyes as well, he continued on, “likes to talk. Talk to him and get it worked out.”

Standing outside of his hotel room, trying to muster up the courage to just knock, you were quite literally spinning in circles. Turning on your heel over and over, attempting to psych yourself up to just do it.

Knock on the door.

The decision was made for you as it flew open as you lifted your hand to connect with the wood. A confused Josh stood on the other side, dressed like he was going to be going out. Instantly being able to tell you needed him for something. For what? That he didn’t know.

“I thought we finished work at three today?” He asked, checking his phone for the time. It was far past that time. Shaking your head, you decided against what you were going to do. “Oh no, I apologize. It was for something else, but I see that you’re busy and heading out. We can do it later,” turning around to go across the hall to your own room, he still stood in the door frame.

He could easily tell how nervous you were. You didn’t hide your nerves well. Gnawing on your cheek, eyes constantly darting around, hands unable to remain still. It screamed at whoever you were projecting it to. In this case, Josh.

“No, no. I was just going to grab a drink.” Gulping, you began talking quickly. “Oh okay. I just wanted a quick second in private if you don’t mind. I don’t want to be a bother during your free time though so if you’d rather wait that’s totally fine, I understand.” His eyes slightly widened at your hastened words, holding his door open farther, a welcome to you to enter.

You stepped in, seeing that the room was nearly spotless. Given, you had just checked in this afternoon, but still. You didn’t want to touch anything. Encroach on his personal space. Instead, you stood to the side, hands folded with themselves, trying not to look directly at him.

Observing you from his own spot, he was uneasy. Josh doesn’t do confrontations. Despite how much he enjoys talking and listening to others talk, he despises it when it’s negative. This wasn’t going to go well. He could just tell.

“I would like to hand in my resignation, Mr. Kiszka.”

He thought he was going to fall over. Out of every possibility, every scenario that could have happened. This is not what he was expecting. At all. Entirely floored, staring straight at you with his jaw slack, he started shaking his head.

“No. Absolutely not. You can’t.” You had never felt such dread when quitting a position before. Normally, they were exciting. On your way to the next best thing. This was different. It was the best job you’d ever had with the best boss you’d ever had.

It was killing you.

“I think this is for the best. I can be around for as long as necessary until you can find a replacement and I will train them if needed.” Josh sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands, rubbing at his face. “We never should’ve slept together. Everything was going great. God, I regret that.”

He wasn’t expecting your laugh to echo in the room. Snapping his head up at you, he was greeted with your smile and accompanying laugh. “I don’t. It was amazing. The entire reason I’m handing in my resignation is because I cannot continue to do my job and be in love with my boss.”

Watching as his face went blank as you continued talking, you had no idea what he was actually thinking. Since he was a person who wears their emotions on their face, when he went emotionless like this, it was even more nerve wracking.

Uncharted territory.

“I have fought it since we met. Seriously, the moment I saw you I knew this was going to be trouble. The more I got to know you, the more I fell for you. Keeping my professionalism and decorum has been so damn difficult because of you. And-and then we had that day together and it was incredible. I love you, Josh and I cannot keep working for you while I feel like this. It just can’t work because-” you didn’t get to finish before Josh was propelled up from his spot, hands cupping your cheeks as he pulled you to him.

Lips connecting in a messy and needy encounter, pawing at one another to get as close as possible. This wasn’t like the last time. This was desperate, angry, and resentful. Apologetic.

Hardly finishing undressing before he was in you, hopelessly pounding you into the mattress below him. Unrelenting, a pace that knocked the wind out of you with every thrust. Unable to think about anything else other than Josh, Josh, Josh.

He became your entire being at that time. Only allowing your thoughts to be riddled with him. No other noise allowed except his name falling from you like a prayer.

How could you think of anything else when the man that was Josh was around. How stupid.

When you both had finished, his hands released their punishing grip on you. His fingertips left indents in your skin, sweat beginning to pool on his brow. Instead, his lips landed on each mark he had left on you. A searing memory of him.

One you wouldn’t forget for a long, long time.

Not wanting to break the peace that sat over the room. Too much left unsaid, but not willing to jump in right away. Wanting to bask in the comfort that followed him like a security blanket.

Instead, you stared at Josh from the spot next to him in bed, you smiled at him. “I really do have to quit, Josh.” You finally spoke, wanting to establish some sort of boundary before moving forward together.

He shrugged you off like you were batshit crazy for even suggesting that. A hint of mischief entered his eye before shrugging.

“Not even on the table. Forbidden love. It’s totally hot. Let’s see how much we can get away with before people notice,” your laughter shook your body as Josh leaned down over you, connecting your lips together as laughter flowed between you both.

Being bad sounded like fun. As long as Josh was by your side to do it, it would always be fine.

#josh kiszka #joshua kiszka #greta van fleet #greta van fleet smut #greta van fleet fan fiction #josh kiszka fanfiction #josh kiszka imagine #josh kiszka fanfic #greta van fleet imagine #josh kiszka smut #josh kiszka x reader #josh kiszka x you #josh kiszka x y/n #josh kiszka x reader smut #jake kiszka #sam kiszka #danny wagner

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reqxxyt · 1 year

Text

pure

pairings: lewis h. x f!reader

warnings: none (?)

masterlist requests are open!

[unedited] w.c: 4k

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

“Its not going to work” you said, getting up from the edge of the bed that you were dragged out this morning, seeing Max pace around his room for the past half hour trying to get press off his back about rumours flying at him for dating a russian model.

“Hear me out” he tried to get you to listen to his suggestion but you were only half awake and groaned needing more sleep from your restless night. You paused in your steps turning to him, gesturing for him to explain quickly and he did “what if we pretended to date, the people already know you as my friend. It wouldn’t be that unbelievable and makes for a less interesting story”

“No” you simply stated not liking any percentage of his idiotic plan. He further begged you, trying to explain how this would be the only way to get them off his back. “What do I get out this?”

He thought for a moment not having thought before of how you could benefit from this deal, “you can travel with me” you rolled your eyes even at his option.

“What about my job, Max? I mean you just want me to drop everything for this?” your exasperated voice got to him as he took his own deep sigh, biting the corner of his lip.

“I just don’t know what else to do” his sad gaze only made you feel guilty, you walked forward.

“Fine, I will do it. But you have to reason with my boss on why I am out so much” his eyes filled with hope as he thanked you and reassured you that he would handle your work so you (hopefully) wouldn’t get fired at his expense. You tried pushing him back out the door, yawning in the process “Now leave, I need my sleep”

“I will text you all the details” he said before thanking you again and leaving you to go back to sleep before you could rethink this entire thing.

The next day you were already getting ready to leave for the Italian Grand Prix to make the debut of your fake relationship with Max. You finished stuffing the luggage, waiting for Max to pick you up. It only hit you that this was actually happening when you landed, seeing people already start to surround the entrance of the airport for the 2 time world champion that happened to be your best friend of 10 years.

“Don’t worry too much” Max attempted to calm you, squeezing your hand as he guided you threw the small crowded groups. Some recognized you, questioning why you two were holding hands while others had no idea who you were and just assumed you were together taking pictures, uploading them to be the first to tell others about it.

The newly announced girlfriend of Max Verstappen.

You two arrived at the hotel, thousands of notifications flooding your lockscreen as you attempted your best to ignore them deciding to just leave your phone on do not disturb for the following couple of hours.

“I better not regret doing this” you sighed, slumping down on the one of two beds of the room. You stared at the ceiling wondering if you had made a big mistake before turning to Max who seemed like this had little effect to him even though he was the one to suggest this plan in the first place. “Whats your plan for tomorrow?”

“Bring you to the paddock” he started, turning to you as you sat up when he sat next to you. “If there are any interview questions about you I will follow our story” the story you two made on the plane, very last minute. It was very similar to your actual friendship story, meeting at a karting event, became best friends and then developed feelings for each other (that part clearly being an addition) before getting together a couple of months ago.

“What about the drivers?” you asked, you had known most of them but spoke to very few; Charles being the driver you knew most.

“What about them?” he questioned back.

“Should I not talk to them?” you explained wondering if that would look bad on all parts if you and another driver were seen to be too friendly towards one another.

“You can speak to them, just don’t go flirting with each other in front of cameras” he explained as if it were the most obvious thing. You just nodded, following along trying your best to not overthink but Max caught on, placing his hand on top of yours. He gave you a small smile, not wanting you to feel overwhelmed “if it starts to be too much, say the word and we’ll stop”

“I’ll be fine” you tried saying but he gave you a doubtful look, “seriously, I just need to get used to it, is all. Its not like half of your fans that know about me don’t already think we have something going on”

He laughed at the mention, bringing back old memories of having to constantly remind others of their very much platonic friendship. Its become an inside joke between the two of them.

“I have to go meet with some people, you okay staying here?” he asked starting to get up from the bed. You nodded with a small smile already wondering what kind of room service this hotel offered. He nodded giving you one last smile before he shut the door behind him, leaving you alone.

The rest of the day was spent all day in the room knowing there was not much else to do but keep yourself entertained with the minimal things you were able to do. Max arrived well in the afternoon telling you all what happened that day and interviewers wouldn’t stop asking about you feeling proud that his plan was working.

The next morning, Max left much earlier than you seeing that he had his daily routine to get started on and his planning for practice with his team. You two agreed to meet each other at the entrance of the paddock hopefully without much press, but you already knew you would be having trouble the second you arrived seeing the flood of people holding cameras by the entrance.

With very long hesitation, you walked forward barely getting any space as all you heard were cameras clicking before you could spot Max, a light kiss on the cheek by him was enough to send another wave of camera flashes as you two went to the red bull garage.

“Not too much trouble?” he asked a bit worried as you got to the garage, you shook your head knowing it would just become the regular until things would settle down and they would have new topic by the next race to replace this with.

Max was called not to far afterward to get ready leaving you alone to situate yourself in the garage but not before he checked you were okay one last time.

“Has anyone seen George?” a soft english accent came front the entrance. You immediately recognized it as Lewis, looking up to see those dark eyes searching briefly in the garage as people shook their heads a bit confused as to how they lost a driver half an hour before the first practice.

“I think I saw him go into the cafeteria” you informed him catching his attention. His eyes showed a bit of interest seeing as he remembered seeing the news about you and Max.

“Thank you um” he tried to remember your name,

“Y/n” you said politely.

“Thank you y/n” he repeated with a soft smile before leaving to go find his teammate. Not too long after, the the first practice secession started, Max doing well, Ferrari appearing to do better than regular.

The rest of the weekend breezed by, Max being victorious just like last weekend with Checo being second. It was tradition at this point to go to the best club after a race and you tagged along wanting to converse with other drivers, it wasn’t every day that you got to talk to the people who are able to drive the fastest cars in the world.

You did get to talk to a couple seeing them all in different groups around the bar while you sticked with Max for a little over an hour.

“I’m going to get us some drinks” you said, inviting him to tell you if he wanted some but he didn’t say anything just nodding before going back to his conversation as you walked away.

You ordered a couple of shots, waiting on the drinks before you felt a presence sit beside you.

“I need some positivity after today, mind telling me how your day was?” his accent seeped through with a polite friendly smile. You faced him, a bit surprised over his approach. You felt a bit upset over the fact that he got 6th today seeing he was always so victorious only a couple of years ago.

“I think that would only make you feel much worse” you tried to sympathetically explain without making it sound too pitiful and he only laughed adjusting his seating to fully face you.

“So, you and Max?” he asked, eyebrows a bit furrowed as you were handed your drink. “How long now?”

“Almost a year” your finger grazed over the rim of the cup before taking a small sip. You felt the sudden need to tell someone the truth, and for some reason you found to trust Lewis the most in this scenario. Wow not even a week in and you wanted to tell the person next to you, you were terrible with secrets. “You want to know something?”

He hummed, leaning in interest as well as to drown out the music.

“Its all for the media, Max thought it would be a good idea to fake a relationship” you shrugged as if no big deal but you felt a sudden weight being lifted off of your shoulders.

“Really?” he was surprised at the news you had confessed finding it a bit strange how you trusted him after only just a couple of minutes but he felt content, seeing some small trust start to build that you felt you could trust him enough to tell him.

He would be lying to himself if he thought you weren’t attractive, you caught his eye the minute Max introduced you to the other drivers as his best friend, wanting to talk to you but never catching the space to. So when he received news that you were in a relationship with Max, he was a bit disappointed but knew not to try anything.

But now, he might actually have a chance.

“Yup, press can be very annoying” you rolled your eyes feeling like Lewis would be the one who understood the most even if you barely got a smidge of how they can act.

“Yeah, I remembered when me and my girlfriend broke up they wouldn’t stop asking about her” he said, sounding just as annoyed, holding lingering eye contact afterwards. He shrugged, “Some of the downsides of being a driver”

“One of the best, Mr. Humble” you teased and he only smiled thanking you for your compliment.

“You’re a fan?” he continued, lifting a corner of lips, a small smirk. You thought about it for a second,

“Oh for sure” you said as if it were the most obvious thing. “If i could wear your merch, I would show it to the world. I’ve watched you since I was 10”

The mention of the age gap made Lewis cringe a bit seeing as the two were near 15 years apart but he brushed it off, trying to not think too much about it.

“So how come the lack of merch?” his soft smile nearly reached his eyes, amused about how the girl he was interested in had been a fan since near the beginning of his formula one career.

“They’re all at home” you said a small smirk playing on your lips making him chuckle a bit, leaning forward but enough distance where it wasn’t too suspicious. “Wouldn’t look too good with being Maxs’ girlfriend”

“It seems hes not a very good actor with the way you two aren’t even together right now” he gestured over to Max. You laughed,

“Thats because I found myself being entertained somewhere else” you leaned a bit forward, being able to now smell his expensive cologne. Lewis notiabely flickered his eyes down to your lips before catching himself. But it was far too late, you’ve noticed and for an odd reason you enjoyed it.

But Maxs hand landed on your shoulder before things escalated making you tense as you leaned back nearly being caught, Max held a playful smile directing it towards Lewis who had his everyday polite smile on display acting as if he hadnt been practically flirting with the girl that is meant to be in a pretend relationship.

“How have you been?” Max asked Lewis, words a bit slurred from the alcohol. They talked for a while, Max wanting the conversation to extend but Lewis gave short answers, wanting it to end. You caught on pretty quickly giving Max a look before suggesting,

“Maybe we should leave, don’t want to stay too late. Have an early flight to catch” Max nodded along bringing his hand down saying a quick goodbye to Lewis. But the second you went to shake hands, he pulled you in for a quick hug, whispering an ‘see you next time’ sending shivers down your spine.

You two left hand in hand with Max into the hotel, crashing down on separate beds as you had a certain champion in mind.

The next two weeks were slow as news started to die down about you and Maxs’ relationship not seeing it as the hot topic anymore, casting you aside for another. The next race, Monaco you couldn’t help but cheer for the Mercedes driver, knowing how big of a deal it would be if he placed in the podium.

You exited the car, heading to the paddock seeing drivers pass by giving a quick wave politetly but when you crossed Lewis he gave you a larger smile than usual, calling out “meet me afterwards”, you agreed before getting to the Red Bull garage to meet up with Max.

This time, you only attended qualifying being too busy on Friday to have gone. You felt bad but Max reassured you it would be fine seeing as practice wasn’t as important to attend.

It was a good day for Red Bull, like always. Max being pole, Sergio second, and surprisingly Lewis third, you made a mental note to congratualate him on that factor later seeing as he had a better chance at getting a podium on the Monaco track.

Congratulations were heard all around the red bull as Max got to you, giving you a simple kiss on the cheek.

“Interviewers want you Max” his media manager came in, looking a bit worried as if she had interrupted something but he just nodded, following her outside leaving you to yourself. You thought this time would be the best to go congratulate Lewis, heading to the mercedes garage.

Before you even had to walk in, Lewis walked out seeing you, making his smile brighten. You walked to each other, immediately congratulating him and receiving the thank you.

“I got you this” he pulled out a purple beaded bracelet with a 44 in the middle. You were about to reject it seeing that it would bring too many questions but before you could, he held a stern tone saying, “I made it so you’re accepting it”

He grabbed your wrist, pulling it downwards before giving you another smile as his hand seemed to linger.

“I’m not insane right?” He asked, your eyebrows furrowed at the question not sure what he was implying. He hesitated before explaining “You’re interest in me”

“Lewis-“

“You don’t have to say anything right now” he jumped in. “I know the whole Max thing is complicated, I just” he paused, picking back up your hand, fiddling with the rings on your thumb, looking up at your eyes almost analyzing them in a sense. “I hope you’ll find me when you feel you need to”

His kiss on the bracelet did not help your heart to calm down, seeing it was running at a fast pace before he left. Your head was starting to get dizzy, growing almost a headache. You took in a deep breath, trying to prepare you for having to go back to the red bull garage.

“You and Lewis?” a concerned voice said, almost right next to you. Just as your heart started to go back to normal as well. You turned, expecting to see Max upset but instead he held a small teasing smile. “I remember when you wouldn’t shut up about him”

His words made you blush, a deep red rising to your cheeks as you hit him, not liking that he found it humorous but grateful that he wasn’t upset by it.

“Just be careful, I can’t have another scandal behind my back right after I just finished covering up the other one” his voice turned more serious and you only nodded, completely understanding that this could cause a deplete in both their careers.

The race wasn’t that exciting, seeing as those on the grid ended up in their almost exact spots. You still wore the bracelet, hiding it beneath a red bull jacket gifted by Max. He noticed it that morning and wouldn’t stop teasing you about it before he even grew annoyed of himself and stopped. Lewis on the other hand you didn’t get to see before the race with you having to be transported straight to the red bull garage upon arrival.

You would be lying if you said you weren’t nervous during the entire race, fidgiting with the beads of the bracelet but all those nerves were settled the second the race ended and you got to see Lewis on the podium. The celebration settled down as Max was getting ready to leave with you waiting outside his room.

You suddenly felt a hand pull you, you looked to who had their grip so tight and saw Lewis dragging you into his room making sure to shut it behind you.

“What are you doing? Someone could’ve seen” your worried tone didn’t get to him as he stepped forward, only closing the gap between.

“I really needed to see you” his heavy breathing did some things to your body as he stepped forward. One of his hands went to the sides of where your jaw and neck met, analyzing your features for any sort of discomfort, anything that would tell him to stop but he couldn’t find it. Unknowingly, your lips parted, his eyes traveled to your lips as you couldn’t stop looking at his eyes.

“Tell me you want me, y/n. Just as much as I want you” he whispered, his breath near reaching your lips.

“I need you, Lewis. I need you so much it drives me insane-” his lips crashed into yours, his other hand reaching the other side of your face. The kiss was harsh, rushed, and overall the definition of eager. You wanted to desperately pull him in closer, wanting to close any gap that remained but instead your head ran the thoughts of the idea that Max brought.

The risk of their career reputation.

You pushed against his chest and he immediately pulled away, eyebrows furrowed.

“People are going to think badly of us if we’re even seen together. I can’t do that to us” you shook your head not trying to imagine the damage you could create by simply walking alone together. Lewis understood, nodding solely to himself.

“We could always give it a chance though” he shrugged, trying to give a suggestion. You hated how even when he wasn’t even trying to convince you, you still wanted to jump at the idea with little to no hesitation. He leaned down, touching foreheads as he whispered “we’ll be careful”

“This is so reckless” you couldn’t help but smile, an indicator that you were leaning to his side but he still waited for you to respond, “fine”

He smiled brightly, giving you a small kiss on the corner of your curved lip, and then another on the other side before placing a softer one in between before leaning back with a cheeky smile.

“Max is probably waiting for you” he finally stated making your eyes widen in realization before rushing out the door as he called out “i’ll see you next time”

During the entire break, you and Lewis would call on the phone sending good morning and well wishes to sleep texts practically everyday talking about how different it would be to be together without caring about what others thought.

The same pattern lasted throughout the season, you publicly cheering for your media boyfriend, while silently hoping the best for the person you longed for secretly, Lewis. Catch up in his room or hotel, share kisses and a night spent together before having to depart and doing it all over again for the next race.

You as well told Max only a couple of months later, only saying he already knew. He was your best friend, how could he have not noticed the way you and Lewis look for each other in a room and beam smiles at each other when you spot one another.

“I think we should break up” were words only Max could say that wouldn’t completely break you but you still only gave him a confused look as you laid on your stomach scrolling through you feed only seconds ago before Max barged in your apartment.

You really regret ever giving him a spare key.

“I mean, its been long enough and the whole Lewis thing is getting a bit reckless, no?” he asked knowing about almost having been spot by security when you went to go to Lewis drivers room, covering it as a lie of looking for him because Max wanted to speak to him. You got up from you position agreeing.

“But its not like it would help with Lewis, it would only make it worse to go public” you were still worried over their reputation.

“You two can keep it a secret for however much you want to, I just don’t want to feel like I am interfering between you” he explained. You followed along.

“I think this is the most happiest I’ve been about someone breaking up with me” you joked with a small smile making him chuckle. “Thank you Max”

“No worries” he gave you one last kiss on your head before going on his phone to publicly announce the breakup. You texted Lewis, making sure it was alright and he only appeared delighted seeing as you and him could finally go public in time.

The next couple of months were quiet as news settled down about you and Max. You wanted more time to pass before ever trying to go public but when Lewis suggested it, cuddled up and you were half asleep you mumbled a “sure” and you only fully realized what you had just done after you woke up from your nap.

Most fans were delighted of the relationship, some found it a bit strange but seeing you still close with Max after the ‘break up’ gave them the theory that the entire thing with Max was for media.

And unlike that, yours and Lewis’ relationship was pure.

#lewis hamilton #f1 #f1 x you #f1 reader #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton x y/n #reader insert #formula 1 #lewis hamilton x reader #f1 fandom #f1 fanfic #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton imagine

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