#it’s gonna be really good for when i’m sad

[whytheylosttheirminds]

I Remember Everything - Rafe Cameron (Chapter 2)

Summary: You left the island two years ago, leaving the love of your life a shattered man in your wake. Now, when you return, you find the sweet boy you once loved has transformed into a monster of a man. How can you detangle the real Rafe from the terrible things he's done?

Timeline: begins toward the end of obx season 3 and is mostly canon.

Content: this story contains sexual content, alcohol and drug abuse, and brief mentions of violence. All chapters are 18+, minors do not interact!

(Prologue and Chapter 1)

You tried to close the door quietly behind you, wincing everytime it creaked, but as you tiptoed through the foyer into the living room you quickly realized your stealth was of no use. Your mother sat in her chair in the corner of the room, flipping the page on whatever cheesy self-help book she was worshiping today. She looked up at you and then to the oversized clock on the wall pointedly.

“Really? Sitting up under a single lamp light?” You rolled your eyes. “What are you gonna say next, ‘where have you been young lady?’”

“Actually, I was just going to ask if you had a good night,” she said in her all-too-familiar-guilt-trip tone. “But since I’m apparently such a stereotype, maybe I should ask where you’ve been. I’ll be the overbearing mother you’ve made up in your head.”

You just sighed. “I’m not doing this with you, goodnight mom.”

“Don’t forget we’re having dinner at the island club tomorrow night!” She called after you. “Just you, me, and Chip.”

You winced. “I don’t know if the Island Club is really my vibe anymore, mom.”

“Y/N,” your mother said in warning. “The other 51 weeks of the year, you are welcome to walk around like you’re better than all of us. But this week is my week and I want to have dinner at the Island Club with my daughter and my fiancé.”

In your twenty years on earth, you’d had approximately one million fights with your mother. You were wise enough by now to know which ones you were going to lose.

You sighed in defeat, “Alright mom, I’ll be there.”

Like she said, it was just one week and then you could get the hell out of here. Thinking of the night you just had with a pang of sadness, you thought, this time maybe for good.

Two Years Ago…

“Happy birthday, baby,” Rafe said, beaming.

“Rafe what did you do?” You asked.

“Got you something,” he shrugged, his casual tone betrayed by the big, bright smile on his face, his dimples on full display. He looked so excited it made your heart swell.

“You got me a car?” You said in disbelief.

“Not just a car, your dream car!” He extended his long arms, displaying the vehicle like a Price-is-Right model.

“You actually bought me a car?” You said quietly, shaking your head in awe.

“Do you like it?” He asked, now wringing his hands nervously. His sudden timidness made you weak, wanting to hold him in his vulnerability.

“Baby,” you said quietly before suddenly breaking out in a run toward him, leaping into his arms. Even in his surprise, he caught you, like he always did. 

You tucked your head into the crook of his neck as your arms and legs wrapped around him. He held you back so tightly, you thought he might never let go. 

“I love it,” you mumbled into his skin. “You have no idea.”

He pulled his head back to get a look at you. You had tears in your eyes as you beamed back at him.

“I love you,” you said before dropping a gentle kiss to his lips.

“You have no idea,” he said, before kissing you back harder. 

The kiss turned more passionate as he started walking the two of you toward the car, removing one hand from you to open the door to the back seat. He lowered you in slowly, both of you laughing into the kiss. You scooted backward to the other side of the back seat, pulling your legs to your chest to make room for him. For a moment, he just stood in the open door, taking you in. You giggled nervously under his hungry gaze.

“You gonna join me?” You asked, taunting him with the low, sexy voice you knew made him crazy.

“Just wanna look at you for a sec,” he explained. “Wanna remember.”

You leaned forward and started to crawl towards him, hands and knees sinking into the soft leather seat. 

“You have your whole life to look at me, baby,” you assured him. 

Once you were close enough to him, you stretched your neck forward and kissed him again, grabbing his shirt collar and pulling him into the car with you. He gladly obliged and shut the door behind him. Once he was settled, you threw your leg over him and climbed in his lap, arms outstretched past either side of his head to hold onto the seat back behind him. 

“You're not gonna hit the road in the middle of the night and leave me here now that you’ve got your own ride?” He asked, close enough to your lips that you could feel his breath sweep across them as he talked.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you promised. “Unless you’re in the seat right next to me.”

You leaned in to kiss him again, but he pulled back before your lips met. You furrowed your brows in confusion.

“I got you another gift,” Rafe said.

“Rafe,” you said, “you already got me a car. I don't know what could possibly top that.”

Removing one of his hands from your hips, he reached into his pocket, pulling out a little black box.

“Open it and find out,” he held the box out to you.

With wide eyes, you took what was clearly a jewelry box from him and opened it slowly. Rafe reached up to turn on the car light so you could better see what was inside. It was a dainty gold ring, twisting around itself to make a small knot right in the middle. It was simple, but so beautiful.

“It’s a promise ring,” he explained.

You watched him watching you, realizing he was nervous, afraid you were about to reject his gesture. You could tell by the look on his face that he had more he was struggling to say, so you silently reached out your hand and placed it on his cheek, letting him know you were listening, that he was safe.

He nuzzled his head into your soft hand and closed his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. After a moment, he opened them into yours and took a deep breath.

“You are…everything,” he said, eyebrows knit together in sincerity. As if he could somehow look at you hard enough to make you understand. “I don’t care what our parents say, or what all the people on this fucking island say, you are it for me, y/n. I will love you forever. Even if they cut us off, if we have no money and have to live out of the back of this car, I don’t care, I want you. Forever.”

He searched your face for any sign that you’d reject him, or laugh at his earnest desperation. You’d never treated him like that before, but he had been raised to believe that vulnerability was weakness, and even with all the loyalty you’ve shown him, he couldn’t fight the thought that when he told you what he was really feeling, you’d shoot him down.

Instead, you simply said, “Well, am I going to have to put it on myself?”

He laughed, relief spreading through his chest. He took the box from you and removed the ring, slipping it on your left ring finger before placing a kiss over it.

You grabbed his face with both hands and looked at him hard, praying he’d believe you when you swore, “I will love you forever, Rafe Cameron.”

His lower lip flinched slightly as he fought back the tears he could feel springing up. He kissed you quick, hoping you didn’t notice. You did notice, but you kissed him back to take his mind off of it, knowing how much he hates crying in front of people. You slid your hands back to tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging gently in appreciation as he moved his lips to your neck. 

“Don’t leave any marks,” you whined. “My mom…”

“You’re 18 now, baby, she can’t do shit,” he mumbled before going back to sucking on the tender spot at the base of your neck. 

“Yeah, except stop feeding me and kick me out of the house,” you protested, though not exactly pushing him away.

“Like I said, we’ll just live in this car,” he joked. 

“Or,” you said, pulling back from him to separate his lips from your skin before it could change color, “you could leave your mark somewhere she can’t see.”

With those words, you lifted your shirt over your head. Rafe watched hungrily, your words and movements making him grow harder than he already was. You smirked as you pressed down on him, making him hiss. Eyes locked to his, you reached back to unclasped your bra, letting the straps slide away as you revealed yourself to him slowly.

“Fuck,” he whispered as he took you in. He’d seen you naked countless times now, but the way he always looked at you like it was the very first time was the hottest thing in the world to you. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” With those words, he sunk his head down and started pressing gentle kisses to the top of your breasts. 

“I love when you talk to me like that, baby,” you gasp and arch your back as he captures the sensitive skin just above your nipple between his lips and starts sucking, taking you up on your suggestion to mark you somewhere no one will see. 

 You grab the back of his neck for stability, lightly letting your painted nails sink into his skin, the blissful pain of it making his hips buck up into yours. You moan as his length presses perfectly against your clit. You’re so wet you wonder if it's soaked through to his jeans yet.

“You like this?” He asked before releasing his lips and sinking into a spot on your other breast to add to the masterpiece he was leaving on your skin.

“I love it,” You answered.

“It’s your day, baby, just wanna make you feel good,” he told you.

“You always make me feel good,” you whimpered as you continued to writhe on him.

He pulled his mouth from you suddenly and moved his hands to your ass, holding you up so you couldn’t push down on him anymore. You pouted slightly, and he smirked at your neediness. 

“Today’s all about you,” he said. He moved you off of him and laid you down on the seat, kneeling so he could hover over you. He caged you in with an arm at either side of your head. You twisted your neck to look at his arm, admiring the veins that ran up the side, committing the sight to memory. You loved everything about your boyfriend’s body, but something about his arms really drove you wild. Impulsively, you leaned over and placed a kiss on the inside of his forearm, loving how soft his skin was. 

The gentleness of the moment made his skin break out in goosebumps and he looked down at you with hearts in his eyes. The only thing in the world he wanted at that moment was to make you feel how in love with you he is, so he lowered himself between your legs and got to work on your third gift of the day.

Now…

Rafe had two meetings today to sell some of the melted gold, both of which went exactly how he’d hoped. He didn’t understand how the high from the sale could wear off so quickly. So, like most nights, he found himself at the Island Club bar, three bourbons deep. He chuckled to himself, shaking his head at the conversation he just had with Topper about Sarah not answering his calls. 

“What a cuck,” he said to himself under his breath. 

Little did he know that just a few yards away, inside the club dining room, the girl he used to regularly ditch all of his friends for was sitting down to dinner.

You liked Chip just fine, he was a deputy at the sheriff’s department and though you had never been a huge fan of cops, he seemed to genuinely care about helping people. He made your mom happy, and she appears to have worked through some of the anxiety issues she had in your teens, which you were grateful for.

Even though you were tucked in a dark corner of the Island Club dining room, you and your mother still clocked all of the stares from nosy neighbors, wine moms, and kids you grew up with. It was like an Elvis sighting, after the wildfire of rumors that had engulfed the island after your disappearance two years ago. Chip, however, seemed to be none the wiser to your storied past. You didn’t know if your mom had told him all that had happened, and you kind of hoped she wouldn’t. He seemed like a simple guy with a simple view of the world, and you’d appreciate it if your mom would let him stay that way.

Chip was telling a story about one of his coworkers getting their arm stuck in the vending machine, when a commotion from outside the restaurant cut him off.

“I pay just as much as all of you assholes!” A man’s voice bellowed through the open windows.

Your heart froze and you closed your eyes, recognizing the voice immediately. When you looked up, you caught your mother’s glare, she had apparently placed the voice, too. 

A glass shattered, followed by the voice yelling, “take your fucking hands off me, douche bag!”

“I’m just going to…” you set your napkin on the table and pushed your chair back.

“Y/N,” your mother said in warning. “We’re having dinner.”

“I’m just going to make sure everything is okay,” you said, hoping she didn’t realize that you were trying to convince yourself you had a reason to go out there just as much as you were trying to convince her. 

“You’re not here for him,” she said. “You’re supposed to be here for me, for your family.”

Chip’s eyes darted quickly back and forth between you and your mother, totally lost. The two of you gave each other a look that clearly had years of history behind it, and he decided he might want to just stay in the dark.

“I’ll be right back,” you said definitively, standing from the table. Your mother sipped her wine bitterly as she watched you go.

You made your way out onto the patio, following the booming of Rafe’s voice over to the bar. He was face-to-face with another member, a middle aged man who was jabbing his finger into Rafe’s chest as he yelled at him.

“Everyone here is just trying to have a nice evening and you’re over here running your mouth,” the man spat.

Rafe shoved the man’s hand away from him and looked to the much younger woman who was standing behind him.

“I’m sorry for ruining your date with grandpa here, sweetheart,” he joked loudly. “If you ever want to be with a guy who can get it up without a truckload of Viagra, you give me a call, gorgeous.”

The man shoved Rafe and he stumbled backward, laughing, clearly drunk.

“Woah there cowboy,” Rafe chuckled. “We wouldn’t want to make a scene, now would we?”

He was being smug, dripping with arrogance, and it was making you sick. You couldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. You thought this time you’d be able to confront him, try to understand why he was treating people like this, but the twist of your stomach forced you away from the scene as you fled from the patio towards the beach.

Rafe was about ready to cock his fist back, too drunk to care about escalating the situation further, when he saw it again - a flash of long hair and a flowing skirt disappearing from view. He suddenly felt completely sober. He patted the guy on the back and threw back the last of his drink before following the mysterious figure down to the beach. 

You stood at the edge of the water, doubled over with your heels in your hand, trying desperately to catch your breath. Maybe your mother was right, maybe you should just keep your head down and act like the only thing that matters to you on this island is her wedding. But both of you knew that wasn’t true, that it could never be true, not when he’s here. Not when something has clearly changed him, and you can’t sleep at night not knowing what horrible thing could’ve happened to make him behave this way. Just because you buried your love for him, didn’t mean the ghost of it had stopped haunting you.

You composed yourself and decided to go back to dinner. You’d fake your way through the rest of the week. You’d lie low, send your mother on her honeymoon, and finally get off this island for good. But when you turned back toward the club, he was there. Standing ten-feet away, just watching you.

“It is you,” he whispered, the wind knocked out of him from the shock of seeing your face in the moonlight.

“Hi, Rafe,” you say, but it doesn’t come out in the confident, casual way you had practiced for the last two years, preparing for the moment you’d inevitably see him again. Instead it’s meek, shaking with your unstable breath.

“What are you…” Rafe is speechless. For just a moment, he’s that soft, insecure boy you used to know. The boy you loved, who loved you desperately in return. He must catch the faint smile you can’t hold back, because his mouth slams shut and his jaw clenches. His wide eyes become steeley again as his shield flies back up.

“What are you doing here?” He practically spits.

“My mom is getting married,” you say, no smile gracing your lips anymore. “I thought you would’ve heard.”

“Been busy,” he shrugs. “Believe it or not I have actual shit going on.”

You chuckle humorlessly, “I can tell.”

“The fuck’s that ‘sposed to mean?” He takes an angry step towards you.

“Just the way you were talking back there, and at your party the other night,” you say. “Looks like you’re the big man now.”

It was you at the party. Rafe shakes his head in disgust, this is the final confirmation he needed to make-up his mind about whether he’s pissed at you. He’d prepared for this moment too, not sure if when he saw you again, he’d want to kiss you or kill you. Right now he was leaning toward the latter.

“Yeah, maybe I am,” Rafe says. “Now that I don’t have all of you holding me back.”

There’s a flash of something you can’t quite place in his eyes. For just a moment, he’s not here, like he’s losing a battle to stay in the moment. You wonder what kind of demons are roaring in his mind. You wish you didn’t want so desperately to exorcise them.

“All of us?” You repeat his words back to him, wondering who else joins you in the club of people Rafe Cameron now hates. You look him up and down with soft, sad eyes. 

“What happened to you, Rafe?”

“I don’t have to fucking explain myself to you, Y/N,” your name shoots off his tongue like a bullet, nothing like the way he used to coo it in worship when he held you, or moan it in awe when he was inside of you. “Why don’t you just fuck off back to wherever you’ve been. You don’t belong here anymore.”

You just look at him, head tilted as your narrow eyes size him up in a way that makes him feel like an exposed nerve. You know the second you get home tonight, the tears will come, but right now you put on a stoic demeanor to match his own. This was the opposite of the reunion you had dreamed of. You thought you’d be back in the arms of the person who knew you better than anyone in the world, but instead you stand face-to-face with a total stranger.

You start to walk back up the beach in his direction, noticing the way his Adam's apple bobs as you get closer to him. Once you’re next to him, you look up into the blue eyes that you used to imagine your kids would have someday. So many things you’d wanted to say, hundreds of letters never sent, millions of tiny memories you’d hold onto forever, but now, with his frame looming over you, all you could think to say was,

“I hate your hair.”

And for the third time this week, he stood breathless as he watched you disappear.

(chapter 3)

a/n: THANK YOU so much for all the support on chapter one, I am actually blown away I did not think so many people would enjoy my words!! Special thank you to bestie @nadvs for all the inspo and advice!!! 🫶🫶🫶

taglist: @maybankslover @dark1paradise @lmg-stilinski24 @idkdudsworld @mimipanini09 @patis643 @readingsmuts

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe cameron x reader #obx fic #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x you #rafe x reader #rafe outer banks #obx smut #rafe cameron fluff #rafe fanfic #rafe x you #rafe fanfiction #rafe smut #rafe imagine #rafe fic #rafe cameron fic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron and you #rafe cameron and reader #rafe cameron and y/n

[tarottaleteller]

*Disclaimer: This reading is for fun and entertainment purposes only. It is in no way meant to act as or replace professional reading. Please take what resonates, leave what doesn't. All the pictures were taken from Pinterest. Heyy, I am very sorry for the delay, can't seem to time manage for some reason these days. This reading's topic is "When are you going to meet your next partner". Hope you enjoy! This is an 18+ reading! If you're a minor, please skip this post.

Pile 1

Pile 1, I see summer for you. Or definitely when the sun will be out and it will be warm enough to wear dresses. Most likely, it is going to be somewhere near nature. If you live in a city with the sea or any large body of water, then you might literally meet them at the beach. I see your future partner having bronze skin, lighter coloured hair and green/hazel-ish eyes. Their smile will be what you’re going to fall for, Pile 1. You’ll literally see them as the sun. Your relationship will be filled with inside jokes and lots of laughter. You guys might become each other’s besties first before getting into a relationship since one or both of you will have some anxiety or fears when it comes to dating, but with that partner it will all go away. Aww, I hear “You’re my safe place”. You could call them at 3AM with any problem and they will be happy and eager to help. I’m getting a scene where the girl is sick and the guy wraps a blanket around her and lovingly hugs her saying how cute she is even when she’s sick. Very healthy vibes here. Even if you’re not going to last, this relationship will help you grow confident and you will be forever grateful for that partner. This is such a soft, loving energy. I’m so happy for you, Pile 1!

Pile 2

Wow, Pile 2. The very first thing I got for your pile is “LOTS of sex”. I feel like your future partner will have a very high libido and will just generally find you super attractive. Physically, you will be their absolute ideal type. And it’s like they will always want to have a hand around you somehow because they just love your body a lot. Regarding timing, I keep getting fall, I see yellow leaves on the trees. I think you’ll meet them at some sort of party or gathering. Even if you go to a bar with a friend, that also counts. Basically a place where people have fun. If generally you struggle with self-esteem or finding yourself sexually attractive, this partner will definitely massively help with that. You will feel like the hottest girl in the room alwaysss. I’m not gonna lie, Pile 2, I don’t really see any serious intentions from this partner, but they also won’t deny it. Like you will know that it’s mostly physical and perhaps some fun dates here and there, but that’s about it. Although I feel like you will accept it and be ok with it because you will also find them very good looking. Hope you enjoyed your reading, Pile 2!

Pile 3

Now, this is my depressed pile. I am getting a lot of loneliness and sadness. I’m so sorry, Pile 3. Whatever you’re going through right now, please just remember that there’s always a rainbow after the storm. The Universe is insinuating that you have to deal with your depression/anxiety first, because otherwise you won’t be able to find healthy relationships. I know it sounds cliche, but you should fall in love with yourself first. I understand that it can be very tricky, but you can write down all of your achievements in life (earning 50 cents by selling lemonade as a kid counts!), all your little and big wins. We all have them! Watch some creators like Wizard Liz to boost up your confidence (I do it all the time!). Start eating healthy foods, take care of your body. Do for yourself whatever you would do for your partner. It will help you, I promise. Soon enough, you’ll start to realize how powerful and great you are, and that’s when your future bf/gf will find you. And guess what? They’ll love the hell out of you, because they’ll see how much you had to go through and how gracefully you overcame your battles and how kind and loving you are in spite of all that. You’re truly beautiful souls, my Pile 3. I promise, love will find you at the right time when you will feel ready. And you will feel ready when you will start loving and appreciating yourself, your body, and your heart just as much as your partner’s. I believe in you, Pile 3!!!

Pile 4

I’m getting some mixed vibes here, Pile 4. You’re meeting your next partner very soon, within a few weeks literally. Your future partner is gorgeous, Pile 4. They might literally take your breath away when you first see them. Hollywood actor type of look. However, I just want to warn you that this partner might have some deep traumas that they refuse to acknowledge that might lead them to be closed down and be easily irritable. It’s like they will actually be a softie inside, but because of their past (feels like a dysfunctional family environment) they might pull up this idgaf persona that will push people away. It's weird because I see that you will know and sense that very well and will try to break through that facade, but your future partner just won’t let you, even though they realize you have the best of intentions. Honestly, this is kind of toxic. The relationship will feel one-sided and it will seem like you’re the one initiating everything. You might stay with them for a few months but then you will face the truth that if they don’t want to heal, nobody else can do it for them. It kind of reminds me of the “After” series, but less dramatic. They will definitely like you and deep inside they will feel super guilty to be treating you like this. That also could be the reason why they don’t want to get too close to you. They care about you and they understand that you deserve better. They’re not a bad person, they are just not ready to face the traumas yet. Honestly, Pile 4, I do not recommend you to get into a relationship with this person, maybe just stay friends until they heal. 

Sorry that some of the piles were negative, but these are the messages I got and I just want to be honest with you guys. Sending love to all of you!! 

#pac reading #tarotblr #love reading #pick a card #pick a pile #pick a picture #pick a photo #tarot reading #future partner #future boyfriend #future girlfriend #18+ only #18+ readings

[pear1escence]

Being Keegan’s girlfriend would entail…𐐪𐑂 ♡ 𐐪𐑂 °

Keegan p. Russ x fem!reader - explicit

Being David Walker’s girlfriend would entail…

⭒ Late night car rides, driving around town with American oldies playing on the stereo, a cig in your hand nd his gaze shifting from the road to admire you every so often.

⭒ He’s not much for fancy dates, but he loves going out on walks with you. Strolling on beaches in the evening, loves it when you wear pretty skirts that flow with the wind. You might find a nice spot to put down a couple beach towels, share a bottle of wine and some home baked goods.

⭒ The warmth in his veins from the wine combined with your pretty face, he can’t resist kissing you. He’d pull you into his lap, his hand buried in your hair as he kisses you deeply, those delicious groans slipping from his lips as he does so.

⭒ Wouldn’t do beach sex. Sand getting everywhere, eugh. But in the car??

⭒ He’d have you riding him in the front seat, shirt pushed down, lips around your nipple, hands on your hips. He’ll bite just to hear you yelp. Can’t shut up either. He’s not shy of being vocal, groans a lot, the deep, sexy kind of sounds that has your stomach doing a flip.

⭒ Pretty average in length but his cock is thick as hell. Stretches you out so good. Hairy everywhere. Chest, thighs, nether regions. Yum.

⭒ Compliments you a lot, tells you just how pretty you look taking him so well, how good you feel. “Yeah, that’s it babe” “You’re taking it so fuckin’ well, doll” Curses a lot too.

⭒ Ok enough of that😾

⭒ He owns the comfiest, softest tees, the perfect ones to throw on in the morning with only a pair of panties underneath. You’d wear them a lot when he’s gone.

⭒ He thinks of you a lot when he’s deployed. Tries not to, he gets sad thinking of you alone.

⭒ Hugs you so deeply whenever he returns. Those comforting, safe hugs along with murmurs of how badly he’s missed you. Buries your head in the crook of his neck nd strokes your hair softly.

⭒ His heart breaks for you when he sees you cry. He’ll immediately forget about whatever he’s got on his hands. He’ll sit you down and wrap one arm around you, his hand lifting your face towards him as he asks you what the matter is.

⭒ Projecting my daddy issues onto this poor innocent (not) man very hard right now. Pls god I need him so bad

⭒ “Oh, my sweet girl” he’ll murmur, voice low and tinged with sadness, he’ll pull your legs over his lap nd wrap his arms round you tighter.

⭒ He’s very much not the perfect boyfriend, even though he wants to be.

⭒ He has his issues, struggles with PTSD which causes him to be very closed off. He hates opening up, sometimes it’s like there’s spiked wire wrapped around his throat when he tries.

⭒ He rarely seeks you out when he’s down. He can be very avoidant, scared he’ll blow up on you without meaning to. If he does come to you, he won’t talk.

⭒ He almost slumps up from tiredness, prefers it to be in your bed with your fingers drawing slow circles along his back, sweet words of affection nd loving kisses to his head.

⭒ He hates getting angry with you. The Ghosts are far from soft on one another, the rough atmosphere within his team has sometimes traveled over to you as well.

⭒ He’d never lay a hand on you. Never. But he has regrettably raised his voice at you a few times, when he’s really mad. The fear in your eyes causes him to pull back though, nd he’s quick to leave out of guilt.

⭒ He wouldn’t want you to worry for him, shoots you a couple messages about needing to blow off some steam before he takes a long drive to try and clear his mind.

⭒ He’s heavy with guilt and shame once he comes back, very soft with you in the days following.

⭒ You see the guilt in his eyes whenever he looks at you, hear it in the repeated ‘I’m sorry’s he gives you.

⭒ Why did I make this sad all of a sudden. I’m telling you I need to stop projecting my issues onto pixel men😞

I’m not gonna reread this so apologies for any misspelling, this has to be the first time I’ve posted in months?? I’ve been busy wasting time on stan twt 😖 Note - if you liked the angsty part towards the end I have a longer fic with a similar concept, ‘I miss what you’d do to me’

#keegan p russ #keegan russ x reader #keegan russ #cod keegan #cod ghosts #keegan p russ x reader #keegan russ smut #call of duty #keegan p russ x you #cod

[izzytheloser12]

~~~~ More kaishin incorrect quotes~~~~

*kaito trying to flirt with Shinichi*

Kaito: Dom or sub?

Shinichi: I guess Domino's, since I don't go to Subway that much. Don't see why you'd put them in the same category though.

~~~~~~

Kaito: You look good in that hoodie.

Shinichi: You know where else I'd look good?

Kaito, zero hesitation: My bed.

Shinichi, at the same time: By your side- wait, what?

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Hey, wanna take a shower with me?

Kaito: I have a gun in that nightstand beside the bed. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to take it out and shot me because I’ve obviously gone crazy.

Shinichi: WHAT

~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: *Holding up a pack of pencils* These are kinda cute.

Kaito: Shinichi, that’s gay.

Shinichi: We’ve been dating for 2 years—

~~~~~~~~

*kaito trying to flirt with Shinichi part 2*

Kaito: I like your new pants!

Shinichi: Thanks, they were 50% off!

Kaito: I’d like them better if they were 100% off. *winks*

Shinichi: The store can’t just give away clothes for free.

Kaito: Thats’s… not what I meant.

Shinichi: That’s a terrible way to run a business, Kaito.

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: You know, Kaito, when you generalize, you tell general... lies.

Kaito: ...

Kaito: Are you trying to teach me moral lessons through puns.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: Shinichi, why are you crying?

Shinichi: This book is so sad!!

Kaito, picking it up: But this is my diary-

Shinichi: your life is really sad kaito

~~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: I want to be with you for the rest of my life.

Shinichi: Damn, that sounds like a marriage proposal.

Kaito, getting down on one knee: That's 'cause it is.

~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Ugh, crushes are so dumb.

Kaito: I know. Whenever I’m near the person I like I just start acting stupid.

Shinichi: But you’re always acting stupid?

Kaito: ...

Kaito: Yeah, don’t think about that too hard.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Did it hurt when you fell-

Kaito: From heaven? Wow, I didn’t think you were such a flirt-

Shinichi: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.

Kaito: ...

Shinichi: You just laid there for 15 minutes.

~~~~~~~~~~

Kaito: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?

Shinichi: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out in bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?

~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: Bonjour, Kaito. Voulez–vous coucher avec moi?

Kaito: No, I don't want to sleep with you.

Shinichi: Is that what that means? Oh, man, I had a really gross tennis instructor.

Kaito: WHAT

~~~~~~~

Shinichi: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.

Kaito: This is a lie.

Kaito: I'm literally dating him. This is a lie.

Kaito: HE DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shinichi: I'm at a loss for words!

Kaito: Despite being ‘at a loss for words’, Shinichi yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.

~~~~~~~~

Kaito: Why are you like this??

Shinichi: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

~~~~~~

Kaito, singing: He's making a list, checking it twice, gonna find out who's on thin fucking ice

Shinichi, also singing: Santa Claus is calling you out!

~~~~~~

Shinichi: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...

Kaito: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?

Shinichi: Holy shit-

~~~~~~

Kaito: Shinichi and I are no longer dating.

Shinichi: Kaito, that’s a horrible way of telling people we’re married.

#shinichi kudo #dcmk #kaishin #magic kaito #kaito kuroba #kuroba kaito #kudo shinichi #detective conan #detective conan kaishin #dcmk memes #incorrect dcmk quotes #(lol I think I added to many) #(oh well) #(this was fun to do!!!!)

[shroomsprouts]

hello ! please list 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you ! get to know your mutuals, followers and all the wonderful people on here ! happy new year and all the best :)

໒꒰ྀིっ˕ -｡꒱ྀི১

Hello hello!!!! Happy New Year to you too! May this year bring you everything you hope for <3

You're asking an optimist about things that make them happy, so be prepared for some weird stuff... And also for a lot more than 5 things. I cannot possibly share only 5.

So, here are way too many things that make me happy, in no particular order :D

🌷 Mushrooms, mushrooms, mushrooms (and fungi). Just anything mushroom-related except mushroom foods, I'm not a big fan of the way they taste.

🌷 Additionally, the word "shroom" in and of itself. And the "sh" sound.

🌷 My friends!!!!! I love my friends so much. Friendship, man. Friendship is such a happy thing.

🌷 Myself. I make myself happy. I couldn't even be happy without myself.

🌷 Absolutely anything that has to do with strawberries. Strawberry-flavored foods, things decorated with strawberries, the word "strawberry", strawberry artwork, strawberry sculptures, plastic strawberries. Anything. I love strawberries.

🌷 Quite predictably, soukoku. I love my little fictional dysfunctional gay people. Holds them gently in my hands. Puts them in a microwave. Pops them like balloons.

🌷 Stars, the moon, the sun, planets, galaxies... Anything astrology related.

🌷 Nature, nature, nature!!!!!! Plants and animals, anything that lives!! Rocks, stones, crystals, soil. Mountains, valleys, fields, hills. Just nature. The world that surrounds us.

🌷 Art!!!!! Prose, poetry, music, lyrics, sculptures, pottery, drawings, paintings. Everything art-related. Even art that is considered "bad", or whatever. Even art that I don't like. It makes me happy that people are creating, first and foremost.

🌷 Ribbon bows. Ribbon in general. Bows in general. (Not the archery kind, though those are pretty cool too. Actually, archery bows remind me of desperately trying to tie strings around fallen branches with with my cousins in 2017, so why not, they make me happy too.)

🌷 Book and notebook covers. The way words look on a page, paragraph indentations and text structure. Also, pages with little decorations along the margins or in the corners.

🌷 These emojis: 🎀🌷💐🪻💌🩰🍓🍄🧸💗💫

🌷 The words "bubble", "blossom", "ribbon", "blanketed", "bumblebees", "bakery", and "berries". And the letter 'b', actually.

🌷 My middle school chemistry and physics professor. Her smile, especially. And her laugh. And that one time she made me go to the whiteboard because she could see on my face that I didn't understand the lesson. (It didn't help much, but she tried, and she cared, and I miss her.)

🌷 Making other people happy. Happiness is quite contagious, you see.

🌷 That look of unrestrained joy on someone's face when you buy them a gift they like, especially if it's a surprise gift. Additionally, the warm feeling when someone does it for you.

🌷 Candlesーeverything about them. The way they look, the way they smell, their warmth, the idea of being able to keep fire as a pet.

🌷 Yoghurt. I fucking love yoghurt. It's my comfort food, and the word is also very silly.

🌷 Cardigans, hoodies, sweaters, leg warmers, arm warmers, gloves, fluffy socks... Anything made of soft fabric. (Additionally, cute little fluffy hats.)

🌷 Annotating and annotated books. Not just the way they look, but the idea of them. I love being able to leave pieces of my soul on books, and then being able to look over what I said later on. It's kind of like a time capsule.

🌷 Human interactions. I love seeing little kids playing with their friends, and couples holding hands, and friends chatting with big grins on their faces, and kids sitting on their parents shoulders. Just. The beauty of relationships and human connection.

Andddd a lot more. We could be here all day, genuinely. I am surrounded by happiness. Though I will stop here for now :)

Thank you so much for the ask!!! Have an amazing day 🫶🫶

#🌷ー asks! #pinning this to my profile so i can find it easier #it’s gonna be really good for when i’m sad

[m1d-45]

Let it be known that I love writing fluff, and I listen to character audios sometimes. SO! I came up with a cute idea for sagau imposter au. I heard somewhere that Xiao's adeptus form is a bird, so I wonder, what kind of bird? And that got me thinking. Xiao being a little song bird, or perhaps even a cardinal.

Now imagine: while looking for the imposter, Xiao stumbles upon them sitting beneath a tree, just feeding some birds. Said birds are absolutely loving the attention since the creator of Teyvat is giving them food and love!

Xiao watches, rather curious. The creator he knows hates birds, because they always dive and cause problems for them. But now... these little birds have completely abandoned any fear they may hold for human beings, happily landing on the hands and shoulders of this supposed imposter.

So he decides to test something.

Xiao turns into a small bird and approaches cautiously. In his smaller form, he's vulnerable to attack. But the person before him doesn't try to hurt him. Rather, they smile and call him "little friend" as they offer food to him. In his distrust, he bites them with his sharp beak.

His heart shatters when he sees divine blood spilling from the wound.

He's about to fly away, get as far away from here as he can. He found the true creator, and instead of worshipping them, he bit them! He caused them to bleed, he shouldn't even be near them-!

His mind stills when they pet his feathered head.

They murmur kind words to him, apologizing to him. They believed that they had startled him, that he bit to protect himself. They forgave him, they felt no hatred towards him, no anger or disappointment. Instead, they offered some chopped almonds, hoping he'd prefer that over bird seed.

He sang for them as he perched on their shoulder.

After that, he did his best to secretly protect the creator he'd harmed. He would adopt his smaller form and sing for them when they felt sad, and he'd use his human form to guard them from a distance. Yes, it made his chest ache whenever they looked at him with fear when they saw his more human form, but the yaksha only shook it off. It only made sense that you'd be scared. He was a frightening person, one that had tried to harm you before. He refused to try and change your feelings towards him. He didn't have the right.

He would be content to sing for you as a harmless bird.

-sibling anon (sorry if this is out of character for him I just like the idea)

oh….. he’s so soft…..

xiao hovering near the edge of the crowd, at first, drawing your attention since he doesn’t seem to be eating any of the seed you’d passed out.

when he finally hops within arms reach, you reach to nudge some of the food next to him closer, only to quickly whip your hand back. the birds around (on) you all flutter at the sudden movement, but you inspect your finger, the blue blood of teyvat welling up. your instinct is to stick it in your mouth, but that doesn’t seem safe considering a bird bit it, so you dab at it with a napkin.

the bird cries and flaps his wings, distraught, and your heart hurts. poor guy, you probably scared him, moving so quickly.

you pull out some chopped almonds from your pocket. the plan was to have them as a snack, but now… you put a few in your palm and close your hand around it, reaching forward to gently run two fingers over the birds back.

the other birds in the area seemed receptive to that, and this one does too, calming down considerably.

you take your hand back, opening your palm to drop the almonds on the floor, nudging them close before backing off.

“there you go,” you murmur, as the bird dips down to inspect the food. “i won’t hurt you.”

you allow yourself a silent cheer when it eats one of the almond pieces.

you see the small bird fluttering around you often, always on the edge of your vision. it’s easy to identify, the purple patch of feathers on its forehead easily standing out, and you’re always certain to push some food over to it. almonds, not birdseed.

the bird is a dark blue-teal, the underside of its wings a softer blue. it’s like no other bird you’ve seen in liyue, something that quickly catches your attention.

you brush some dirt off you as you stand, noting the way the bird immediately looks up from its food, unlike the others, to flap up into the tree you were sitting under.

you crack a smile, carefully reaching a finger for it. you’re slower this time, cautious of its skittish nature, but it lets you approach. when you carefully pet over its head, the birds eyes close.

your smile grows, and you try not to laugh at how confused the bird seems when you pull your hand away.

“i have to go,” you explain. “the millelith… they’re getting too close again. i won’t be able to see you again, little friend.”

the bird chirps, nearly indignant, and you do laugh this time. putting a small piece of almond on the branch in front of it, you wave goodbye to the other birds, seeing the blue one hadn’t touched the almond.

you frown. hopefully it’ll be alright….

xiao watches you until you’re out of sight, and even then, he stays on the branch.

you…. he’d forgotten you were being hunted by the millelith. he’d forgotten the order to look out for you. he’d forgotten the qixing called you a criminal.

who could blame him? it was easy to forget everything at your side, when you carefully ran your fingers over his feathers, scratching at his jaw with the edge of your nail. yes, he was vulnerable as a bird, but it was easy to be vulnerable with you. it was easy to be open, to sing as best he could in this form, to allow himself close enough to see the way your eyes lit up whenever another bird landed on your outstretched finger.

xiao dropped to the ground, morphing back into his human form. predictably, the birds cawed and flew away quickly. he watched them go, his mind contrasting it with how readily they flocked to you.

you…

he turned to the branch he was on, to the small almond piece left behind. the small symbol of your care, of how you recognized that he didn’t touch the birdseed and instead offered him your own food to eat. normally he wouldn’t lower himself to eating off the ground at all, let along bird food, but almonds weren’t awful and you seemed so happy when he ate..

xiao looked back to where you’d gone, to the sandbearer trees swaying in a soft wind.

he allowed his form to fall away and spread his wings, taking flight on the same breeze that urged you along.

perhaps he’d forget his orders for a little while longer, if it meant he could spend that time with you.

perhaps he’d forget his orders for a little longer, if it meant he’d get to spend that time with you.

#m1d : [chats] #m1d : [secrets] #sibling anon #bird!xiao shenanigans #btw he’s pretty in character #you can add a dash of a ‘mysterious calm in the air’ if you wanna be certain but he’s oretty pretty good as is #also! let it be known that i too like fluff!! #< been meaning to write a piece based on hugs ppl would give for a while now #dilucs near the top of the list which is kinda funny considering the shit i’m (hopefully) gonna pot tonight #post* whoop #post-valentines day sadness #this got WAY too long #forgive the old format i wasn’t gonna try n find more photos of liyue than i already have #writing this was hell. thanks tumblr. i really appreciate you glitching out my drafts. #i’m trying to save my writer energy to wrap up dilucs piece COME ON I DONT NEED THIS #had to write this on the website version of tumblr ugh. dislike. #anyway debating adding this to the masterlist bc it’s… so nice… #the vibes….. immaculate…. #TUMBLR DELETED HALF MY FUCKING WRITING WHEN IT HIT POST WHAT THE FUCK #THIS IS WHY I WRITE ELSEWHERE THEN COPY PASTE TO THIS HELL #FUCK. IT WAS SO GOOD. WHY. #the last half of xiao’s part at the end is the bad shittier version of what i had written originally #i am bitter. but i guess i’ll have to die mad abt it. #ugh. #it cut off the last paragraph AGAIN WHY #hate. >:( #also mushroom anon send help one of my mutuals is doing a letter event in celebration of his 1k what do i do #ok it’s his 800 celebration but STILL HELP #whatever fuck it i’m done trying to get this to work #fuck it we ball

[redjukebox]

Bro I watched the this or that Smosh vid with the cheating question for the first time today

I’m actually fucking devastated about Keith, Angela, Amanda, and Olivia literally talking over and laughing at Damien for literally just saying you should hold your friends accountable

Like wtf do you mean he’s holding his standards too high????? For saying he’d hold cheaters accountable????? What????? You’re saying that if your friend told you they cheated you wouldn’t see them differently and want to hold them accountable????

Also Keith saying he has friends that have cheated and his response was “don’t do that. stay funky” bro what the hell do you mean?????

Idk why I keep getting attached to creators like I do bro I can’t keep going through this

Didn’t think it’d bother me this much but it actually really does idk

#smosh #smosh pit #damien haas #keith leak jr #amanda lehan canto #angela giarratana #olivia sui #random rant but wanted to post anyways #I know it was last year but I’m still gonna be sad idc #I can’t believe it brooooo #also Amanda and Olivia’s takes about the splitting bill one gave me an ick #broo I can’t keep doing this #I feel like their takes on the Reddit stories are usually good but then they say shit like this??? #huh???? #saw some comments bringing this up to #like it’s ok to want to hold strangers accountable but not ur own friends????? #ok ig #I’ve never really thought about the topic of cheating but when I do it boils my blood bro #if you’re in a committed relationship and you wanna have sex with someone else #fucking break up #it’s called a committed relationship for a reason #also cheating can be rlly dangerous #cause of stds and shit #I feel like that should be a no brainer but guess not💀💀💀

[deus-ex-mona]

“i’m all alone, but i’m as happy as can be!”

#aka top 10 things i wish i could drill into my coworkers brains grrrrrrrrrrrrrrnrhrhbgbgbfbfbfnf #‘you should get a bf’ ‘when are you gonna get married and have kids?’ how about n e v e r #i just want to sleep when i’m not on the clock mans i don’t want to waste my precious sleep time on others #i mean. i don’t even leave the house on my days off. not to go shopping or anything bc sleep is more important~~~ #and stuff can be bought online anyways s o o o o o #g o d speaking of online purchases thoughhh this massage seat i bought online came in yesterday and it works amazingly well~~~~~ #used it for half an hour last night and i was relaxed enough to sleep for 11-12 hours straight #wish i had space for an actual massage chair though but this will have to do… #it’s been my dream to own a massage chair for the longest time…… but ig this massage seat is good enough…… #i can just slap it onto my desk chair and b a m ✨instant paradise✨ #speaking of instant though… one of my coworkers was commenting on my love for instant noodles the other day #‘you’ll ✨d i e✨ faster if you eat a lot of cup noodles yk?’ he said #so ✨o f c✨ my mouth chose to work faster than my brain when i replied with ‘i’m fine with that bc i won’t have to work then’ #he and another coworker laughed :( sadded #b u t i finally had my cup noodles that i ‘customised’ at the cup noodle museum today and it was good~~~~~~~ i have good taste (self praise) #the best part was the lack of spring onions!!!! bc screw spring onions really who decided that they should be included with most cup noodles #or just noodles in general? the texture sucks and they don’t even taste good man. why would you even add spring onions? #it’s number 2 in my list of most hated food toppings. it loses only to ikan bilis bc s c r e w ikan bilis or dried anchovies or whatever #they’re known as >:( i hateeeeee how takeout places will just assume that you want ikan bilis and lop on a huuuuugeeeee serving of them #atop your food as you desperately and futilely b e g them to stop #and when you try to pick them out they just!!!! keep turning up everywhere instead????? #like hello???? how did you manage to get to the bottom of the bowl???? you were only added as a topping!!!!!!! #also. their eyes are really creepy. and the heads get detached from the bodies all the time and just. seeing the eyes ruins my appetite. #wait this was supposed to be about my coworkers and their pushiness in a matter that doesn’t concern them how did we get so far off-topic— #chizuutan chizpost

[rosicheeks]

Oh my pretty little trophy you know if hung you down and kidnap you to keep you as a pet. I’d look after you real good so you’re always ready for me to use.

#then I’d really be your trophy 🫣 #the thought of someone actually hunting me down has me weak in the knees #guys it’s HILARIOUS how easy id be to catch #if you want somewhat of a challenge give me a little head start #cause uh #maybe if my adrenaline was pumping it would be different #but usually I’m really good at sprinting but after a little bit I’m fucking done man #also can’t climb a tree (sad I never did as a kid ☹️) #when I think of someone hunting me down in the woods or something #I feel like I’d sprint off in some random direction #maybe running into a tree or tripping on some shit #and then not even 5 min will go by and I’ll hear you behind me or see you #and I’ll just like lol yell #or like freak out #grab some sort of twig for defense #knowing damn well that ain’t gonna do shit #or I’ll try to keep running but I feel like my anxiety and adrenaline would not mix well and I’d fall or something #and just be so so so easy to catch #you’ll be able to jump right on top of me and pin me down #or when I get up it’ll be so so easy to grab me and push me against a tree and tear off my clothes #gotta claim me by forced breeding before you kidnap me #okkkkkkkkkkk #I need to calm down wtf #ask #anon

[axolozzy]

have a huge headache but cannot sleep and it’s already 2am

my absolute best friend left halfway through the spongebob musical earlier and didn’t tell me, and still has not texted or called or anything or even told me congrats or that i did a good job

i don’t know how to feel. before the show we were super excited and she was hyping me up and then. she just fucking left halfway through and hasn’t said a word at all and i feel sick

like she knew about the musical for 5 months and knew how important it was to me and she was super fucking excited to see it and we’ve been talking about it forever and suddenly she just left, and at the end i was looking for her and wandering where she was since i had no idea, and i found out from someone else she left not even halfway through the show and didn’t tell me

i’m just. i don’t even know what to think and idk if she’ll even show up tomorrow and i just feel like shit. i can’t sleep at all

#vent #srry for ranting #it was a good day besides that #i’m just :( #tomorrows the last day of our musical and i’m gonna be so sad when we’re done #like my life will just go back to normal #i’ll get so much more free time but still #i really really hope my friend can go to the last showing tomorrow i don’t even know what happened

[arthur-r]

unfortunate set of notifications

#(this is talking about saturday not friday it says tomorrow cause it just turned midnight) #i got really sick and anxious today and i didn’t know why but my mom blames my birthday #so wish me luck 👍 i’m gonna be eighteen years old #(for anybody who doesn’t know i don’t TEND to celebrate my april birthday i do my october birthday instead #but saturday is the one where i actually turn eighteen.) #i will actually be having a sleepover on friday night though which isn’t about my birthday but will coincide #but other than that i’m just working a lot. and taking a test. and it will be whatever #idk wish me luck. i am just feeling sick and strange and weird but i’ll figure it out #IN THEORY I AM EXCITED FOR MY BIRTHDAY #like i don’t want it to be this sad evil day that i hate. and it’s not #it’s just so much worse to have a bad day when it’s your birthday. and i often have bad days. so that’s all that the problem is #so whatever. i will hopefully have a good day that day and then it will be a good day. i just like to have a failsafe so it doesn’t have to #count as my birthday if it doesn’t go good. like yeah it’s my birthday but no it isn’t. not until i say it is #idk i don’t make the rules except for i do. ANYWAY goodnight #me. my post. mine. #delete later

[to-dance-beneath-the-diamond-sky]

I know it’s international asexuality day and we’re supposed to be proud of being ace and all. But idk. That’s hard when I really really hate that I’m ace. Being a cisgender heteroromantic sex-repulsed ace is not exactly a fun or positive experience for me. It is just me feeling lonely and defective and wrong all the fucking time. Like that’s genuinely great for all the aces and aro people out there who love it and can take pride in it. You’re valid and you’re not broken and I’m happy for you that you can embrace and celebrate this part of your identity, I genuinely am. But for me personally, I would give just about anything to not be ace, I hate it so much. Being ace has never not once done a single good for me.

#I’m sorry #but I just want to be normal #Yeah yeah yeah I know internalized acephobia and all that #but idk #being ace has genuinely never resulted in a single good thing for me #very very hard not to hate it when it only ever makes life more difficult for you #idk maybe it’s just that it combines with my other trauma and shit but like #I still hate it and would give almost anything to not be this way #I want to be lovable #I want to be able to be in a normal healthy romantic relationship #instead of being terrified of them and sabotaging everything because the person will want to have sex #And the thought of having sex with anyone is literally panic inducing #Anyways #please ignore me #im just being emo and sad #Because I have such an intense crush on someone right now #And I can’t pursue it because I’m ace and he’d want things from me and I’m just. I just can’t #I can’t even talk about being ace to people because no one gets it and it makes me soo uncomfortable to have to talk about it or explain it #so yeah he’s so nice and I really really really like him. But like every other of the few times I’ve been romantically attracted to someone #I’m not gonna act on it because I’m fucking ace and I’m gonna be alone my whole fucking life #Because no one would ever want to be with me given the way I am #God #sorry please just ignore me #Personal

[milo-is-rambling]

Today is good I think. My brain isn’t fully happy my body isn’t fully happy but I’m treating myself kindly anyways

#I hate you chemical imbalance in my brain everything is going so incredible and I’m still not happy I’m only content #I picked up weed went for a drive hung out with my mom swam in the pool sat in the sun took a warm shower got high #I think I might journal or read for a bit maybe do a face mask while I read and smoke #watching Rick and morty also counts as self care I think. season three specifically is self care. I know pretty much all the words I’m just #mouthing along the entire epsidoe it’s heavenly #I think I might paint my nails too hmm am I feeling masculine enough to present fem recently. thank you buzzcut I love you buzzcut #I also did my eyeliner today and wore my cute earrings #did I post pocket joe on my dash. I think I forgot him there and he’s gonna be in the car all weekend in an airport parking lot lmao whoops #sorry pocket joe. I’m watching pickle rick epsidoe it’s so good. it’s beautiful out today even tho it’s sunny and I don’t think I’m burnt so #that’s incredible and then also when I took my warm shower I used my body scrub I haven’t used in like months and now my arms and legs feel #super soft it’s fantastic I am in a good mood today I just have to think really hard to actually feel it bc I have a headache and cramps #(still. not. fucking. bleeding. ANGRY.) #and I’m still sad about my middle school teacher dieing but I’m trying not to think about it so it’s fine

[skyhawkstragedy]

If one’s an incident…

Two’s a coincidence…

And three’s a pattern…

…what’s four?

#bb24 #bb24 taylor #bb24 kyle #the it girl and the tryhard #all these teen wolf quotes- #I’m sorry but this is really good for my brand I’m gonna be so sad when they get separated

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void #shits rough dawg #I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts #haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier #it’s cold #saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early. #and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed. #went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours #guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left #even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are #I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh #my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week #maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done. #I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting #woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside #hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning #can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding) #actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so… #I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience #anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments #I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired. #I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die. #is this relatable? #just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda. #gonna look at pictures of butts now #ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever #you can ignore this #text

[crossbackpoke-check]

V random but I’m in my Brockpetey feels could I listen to your 46 60 playlist!!

of course!! the first playlist i mentioned in the tags is actually not mine—it belongs to ash @notthequiettype and is a soundtrack to their wonderful fic Lake Rules (go read it if you haven’t already!!! highly recommend!!!)

annnd this one is my personal brockpetey vibes playlist

happy listening!!!

#liv in the replies #sadcanucksfan #also!! ash if you want me to unlink/untag please let me know and i will!!! #this one got bumped up because it’s currently relevant (i just posted brockpetey content) the rest of them will be scheduled in the queue 🫡 #if i don’t do it now i will lose all links and ability to find things #as for my brockpetey i have zero reasons for any of the songs besides minnesota. it’s all vibes no thoughts. #minnesota to me is the quintessential brock petey song topped only (but really equaled) by charm you (also by samia) #like minnesota i would love to say is a joke but i really heard that song for the first time YEARS ago and went oh my fucking god. #i’m going back to minnesota huh #and then CHARM YOU??? AN ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST ME PERSONALLY???? #you’re telling me there’s the lyrics ‘kissin you would be like kissin on the USA’ & ‘flying while i’m lying that i hate LA’ & it’s not 406? #(addition that i wasn’t gonna tell you but i have to tell y’all because it’s relevant to Me. samia is so so so so good live.) #(also i haven’t added it to the playlist because it’s sad but kill her freak out has narrative potential as brockpetey. also???? #they’re all somehow petey pov to me. sometimes people just get assigned bands in my head for no reason & i think samia is petey’s vibe band. #BESIDES bbno$ which is canon lmao. spiritually petey is a samia song to me i guess idk why either sorry but kill her freak out #is a (seemingly you know how i am) unrequited brock/petey for when brock got his gf. thank u for your time i hate it too just listen to it) #also no statements about my music taste i will cry. if you hate it don’t tell me if you have recs do tell me #although i do have a joke playlist compiled of all the songs brock has been screencapped listening to because. why not. it’s fun and also #has that man ever listened to a single lyric in his life. what the FUCK is up with your chill playlist bud none of those songs are chill. #lovingly. ripping my hair out. the amount of times he listens to fast car like???? girl are you okay. #anyway this is ur reminder i miss stalking people on spotify let me see your music taste cowards. #ALSO #IF I THINK TOO LONG ABOUT PETEY IN MINNESOTA I WILL LOSE MY SHIT SO I AM NOT JUST KNOW THAT I CLICKED THE FIC & SKRTED I CAN’T HAVE EMOTIONS #if i did not have someplace to be at precisely 7:50AM i would be having a full breakdown please believe me. #oh also ALSO bonus points if you figure out what the numbers in the name are :)