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mindofharry · 3 years

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in which you’re acting in olivia’s wilde’s new movie and harry happens to be a big fan.

SO EXCITED FOR YALL TO READ THIS!!! :D feedback is welcome as always <3

fluff!!!! and just a lot of stuff about hollywood and the industry etc!!

You remember being eighteen and getting your first acting job on a big series. The most popular series on netflix at the time. You were so young and so new but you couldn’t let this offer go, so you took it and it was the best decision you ever made. It started you career and you ended with a job you love and are so very passionate about.

Soon enough the show decided that they would do one final season, you were 20 and had only done two movies since then. They were good movies but there was nothing much to them, you were just the best friend in them and nothing more.

When the job the series ended your agents were looking high and low for auditions and ideas etc. Everything was going pretty well, you had secured a place on a movie (again only a best friend) and you were pretty confident with what the future was going to hold. Doing that movie, that you thought you would only be a side character - was the best thing that had ever happened to you. You were praised for your role in the drama, and ended wining awards you never could even dream about. You also picked up a lot of lifelong friends.

Things were going so well. You had auditions and managers wanting you from every corner of the states, directors and producers calling up your agents. You felt as if nothing could stop you or get in your way.

Then COVID struck.

You were so grateful that you had a roof over your head and friends living with you in such a depressing and emotional time, but you couldn’t help but be upset. You were so excited for your career to finally take off and for you to get properly working.

But you just had to make do with what you had. You were in lots of lives on instagrams and still did lots of press for you latest movie and tv series. Although it was basically just the same questions, but you had something to keep you busy.

***

“Now don’t get too excited, but i got you an audition for a movie olivia wilde is directing” Alexia, your agent and bestfriend said over the phone. You grabbed your other friend, Danny, arm grinning at his confused expression.

“I love you so much, y’know that” you say listening to laugh alexia let out.

“I said don’t get too excited, but i think you’ve got this. just do your usual set up and clean face and hair out of your face ok?”

You nod and then answer back with a quick yes and a goodbye before hanging up and squealing. “i’ve got an audition for an olivia wilde movie” you yell making danny stand up and bring you into a hug.

“Fuck yes!” he yelled and then suddenly he stopped looking you dead in the eye. “This is the first time i’ll see you in your zone, Ms Emmy award winning actress” he teased making you hit him with a soft smile.

“You’re gonna have to help me dan, like read my script out when i get it. And help me set up lighting and shit”

“Sounds important, you sure you don’t want sara to help you with that?” he asked referring to his sister, and your partner in crime. You had all been friends since middle school all living in the same neighbourhood and going to the same school.

You were together through everything.

When sara got denied from her top college, when danny came out as bisexual, when your mom had died. Of course you had fights, like every friend. But you always came back to eachother. Sara and danny stayed with you when you were done with acting, when your mom had died very suddenly, when your dad lost contact with you and your brother. They were really the best friends you could ever ask for. You were so grateful.

“Should be ok, will probably need sara’s opinion seen as shes a film major. But it’s pretty easy stuff dan” you insisted picking up your laptop from the couch and opening it up.

Danny nodded and sat beside you placing an around your shoulder.

“i think you’ll get it. don’t know what it’s about, but you’re definitely fit for an olivia wilde movie”

You grin at him and open up your email to see alexia has sent you some lines to record.

“i’m going to go over these a bit, but i’ll let you know when i need you”

***

Danny and sara helped you with the audition tape and calmed your nerves and frustrations. Usually your anxiety is high when waiting for a call back, but now with covid and not getting the work you want it’s beginning to get a little worse. But you had your best friends there to guide you through it.

Weeks went on and no news came and honestly you forgot all about it moving onto different projects and stuff for 2022.

Then you got a call.

“y/n. you got the part”

And with that, you, danny and sara celebrated. You were beyond grateful and couldn’t believe you had gotten work — let alone with olivia wilde.

A bottle of wine and chinese takeout was the best you guys were going to get, but you didn’t complain one bit. Love island was on in the background while danny painted your nails and sara did your hair. “I can’t believe i’m going to be working along side olivia fucking wilde” you squealed making danny laugh and sara pull your hair. You yelped. “Olivia wilde gets to work along side Y/N fucking L/N” she corrected earning a couple of laughs out of you and danny. You guys celebrated anything and everything, it was like your tradition.

Danny got a haircut - celebration. sara finished editing that video that she had in the background for a good morning - celebration. you finally getting rid of those horrible earrings - celebration.

it was also an excuse to order unhealthy amounts of takeout.

“y’know i feel good about this”

Danny nodded putting the nail polish on the coffee table. “i can see that. look more confident” he added sara agreeing with him.

“just don’t forget about us when you get to go to the met gala. you’ve already done one hit movie, let’s hope this this another”

***

The script you received was absolutely amazing.

you couldn’t explain it, how it made you feel. You just couldn’t wait to play this character - although it was very different to your last character, you still felt so connected to it. A thriller was something you could never see yourself in, even now you have a hard time believing you’re going to be in one. And the amount of sex scenes thats in it, it did get you a little excited, albeit you were a tiny bit nervous.

“Harry styles” Alexia said over zoom, you grinned and danced around your sitting room.

“What are you dancing about?” danny asked putting the groceries on the counter.

“i’m gonna be having pretend sex with harry fucking styles!” you yelled making alexia cackle and danny dance around the room with you. “this is definitely something to celebrate. i’ll get the wine!” danny said dancing his way to the kitchen.

“well i’m glad you’re not shy. Olivia said harrys quite nervous about it all. obviously he was in dunkirk, but this is his first proper movie” she said making you nod “i know you’ll make him feel comfortable, but you are so confident so please don’t scare him off” alexia teased making you pout.

“i can’t help it. but i’ll make him a gift basket or something” you shrugged and alexia smiled.

“this is why i love you”

“ok so, harry styles, olivia wilde and y/n l/n in one movie?” sara asked making you smile as danny cheered. “my baby is making me so proud” sara cried dragging you up off the floor and spinning you around. you giggled and poured.

“i love you guys so much, y’know that?” you say putting an arm around both of their shoulders.

“eh, we love you too” sara said shrugging her shoulders.

“eh? shut the fuck up. say you love me like you mean it” you say tickling them. “ok! we love you, so much” danny yelled making you stop and put your hands on your hips.

“good to know”

And so the days went by you video chatting with olivia and the other producers. Making sure to check in with everyone as well. Olivia was the sweetest person ever, she called to just talk or to go over any queries or notes you had. She was honestly such a genuine person and you were glad you got to work with someone so kind.

Today was the day you would be meeting some of the cast and producers etc. You hadn’t really seen anyone other than alexis, sara and danny so you were excited.

You’re an outgoing, extroverted person so covid really hit you hard. You get bored easily too, so you really needed this lunch.

Deciding to dress up a little, you put on your favourite flare jeans and white tank top. You tucked it in and placed your red cardigan over it. And obviously your go to shoes were your white converse — your feet haven’t grown since high school, so you call these converse your lucky converse since you’ve worn them at every event. even at a red carpet!

Placing your hair in a braid, you did some natural looking makeup and then placed your rings on your fingers. “I’m going now, sara!” you called out only earning a groan — she had been working late last night so there was no seeing her until at least 2:30.

Danny was out on a hike clearing his energy or some shit he read online.

You were a bit nervous to drive there as you had only gotten your license recently, usually sara insists on driving everyone apparently it’s therapeutic, you’re in actual hell while driving. luckily the restaurant is only 10 minutes drive, so hopefully you make it there alive. you didn’t know how many people would be there, with covid and all you didn’t really know what to expect. You knew olivia would be there, and probably harry too. Which weirdly enough you weren’t too nervous about.

you had made a post on instagram about being excited to work with olivia and harry and the many other amazing people - and the harry fans of course went crazy. But overall everyone took the news really well.

When you arrived at the restaurant there were a few paps, probably there for harry and not expecting you. You’re a new popular actress, so this would make the paparazzi a lot of money. Once word got out that Y/N L/N and harry styles were having lunch together it would probably end it mayhem.

“y/n! over here!” a voice called out as you walked into the restaurant.

You smiled as you saw olivia wave at you. “ah! i’m so sorry i’m late” you say and olivia shook her head bringing you into a hug. “don’t worry about it! we’ve ordered some drinks, got you a coke” she said.

“i’m harry” a deep voice said from behind you, making you look around and see - harry fucking styles - introducing himself to you.

“i know who you are!” you giggled pulling him into a hug, which he obviously didn’t expect, but took it anyways. “i’m y/n” you say pulling back and sitting down infront him crossing your legs.

“i know who you are too” he blushed making you laugh again.

“you’re vegan, right?” you asked and he nodded “yeah, have been for a while. trying hard to stay somewhat healthy over quarantine” he said sipping on his water.

“well, i get a takeout probably two times a week and haven’t been to a gym in, i’d say 5 years”

Harry laughed loudly, making you laugh too. Olivia and the producers gave each other knowing smiles. They really hit the jackpot with this one.

***

“that wasn’t as bad as i thought” you mumbled as you got your first covid test done. It was very uncomfortable to say the least, but it didn’t hurt and you didn’t pass out so that was a plus.

you were going to start working next thursday, if everything goes to plan. If someone has covid then they obviously have to push it back.

You were so excited to get to work, it wouldn’t be like any other set you’d worked on. But you had a feeling it was going to be one you’ll remember forever.

“how was it?” danny asked as you got back in the car.

“better than expected. uncomfortable, but ok” you mumbled sitting back in the seat. Danny noticed how tired you were so he turned off the music and put down your window a little and let you sleep the whole journey home. You had been at all hours going over your script. This is what happened with you last role, and it was just the way you worked.

By the time you go on set you had everyone’s lines memorised.

The days went by slowly. It was actually quite painful. But your covid results came and you were negative and so was everyone else on the set and in your household. So you could finally get into work.

You were driven to work on thursday by a very nice man called john. He talked non stop, but it was nice to get to talk to some other than sara, danny and your agents.

“Have a good day john” you called out stepping out of the car your new pink mask adorning your face.

you had to get bangs the other day — you never heard the fucking end of it off of danny and sara. you had bangs in high school, along with some really badly done piercings and you told yourself never again. Of course the bangs looked good, they were amazing and you actually suited them this time. But that didn’t stop sara taking out all of the pictures of your freshman year and making you do a side by side for her instagram.

“you look tired” a voice called making you turn around a stick up the middle finger. You recognised the voice immediately, harry styles. He laughed coming beside you in his white vote shirt and tracksuit bottoms.

“i have to go and get my tattooes covered now” you sighed placing your phone in your tote bag, harry nodded “me too, the only time i’ll ever hate getting these tattoos”

“y’know i like them. the tattoos, they suit you” you say opening up the trailer door. harry stopped and smirked “hmm. see you later”

Covering up the tattoos didn’t take as long as you thought. The makeup and hair took a good hour and was painful with the mask - you did nearly pass out from the heat, but luckily harry stopped by with a cup of tea just in time.

God.

That man was something else. Seen as he’s never properly done this before, you thought he’d be full of first day jitters. But no, he’s going trailer to trailer, with tea’s and coffees.

“you nearly ready? we have our first scene soon” harry said leaning against the trailer door. All of you were practically ordered to wear a coat to cover the clothes as some paps had been spotted. It was a rather cold day so it didn’t make a difference to you.

“eager?”

He nodded holding your hand helping you down the steps of the trailer — heels were a real bitch you decided.

“paps and heel are assholes” you say making harry laugh. “you can say that again” he said dropping your hand and walking beside you.

You wanted him to hold your hand.

“don’t worry, i’ll go easy on you” you tease getting a pinch in return.

“more like the other way”

“yeah, christopher nolan movie ey? proper actor”

Harry rolled his eyes with a small smile on his face placing an arm around your shoulder.

“come on, wife.”

***

The days were long and some days were hard. But harry made everything so much better. Hugging you when you needed it, joking when you needed a laugh. There was paparazzi pictures of harry speaking and you laughing - which was a horrible cackle that made harry laugh. The fans were going crazy for you guys, and you were both asked constantly on whether there could be something more going on with you two.

“Another headline, H”

Harry shook his head with a small smile, placing the chinese onto the plate.

“your first drama headline, i’m so proud” Danny said placing an arm around you. Danny, sara you and now harry had decided to celebrate the first two weeks of filming and now apparently your first drama headline. Something about harry joining in all your tradition and not complaining about the awful food or very obnoxious and rude chats that go in, makes you soft and weirdly enough besotted.

“oh shut up, i’ll tell the paps that i’m dating you again. they’ll never leave you alone” you warn and danny backed off.

“again?” harry asked laughing slightly and passing you the plate full of food.

“everytime danny’s mean to me i tell the paps that we’re dating, even told one i was pregnant and that he didn’t want the baby”

“fuck off. remind me to never get on your badside” harry cackled sitting down beside you his food on the coffee table and his wine in the other. He had, had a good few drinks before hand too — he said “it’s my cheat night”.

Soon enough danny and sara went off to bed, not before danny teased you about how in love you and harry are. “oi! fuck off” harry yelled making danny squeal.

“please chase after me, daddy” danny said running down the hall.

“don’t humour him” you giggled sipping out of your wine glass.

“i’m in love with your friends” he said pausing to take a big gulp of his wine. “they’re just so genuine” he finished leaning back and placing a pillow on his lap. you nodded in agreement.

“we’ve been friends for years, before any of us were like somewhat famous”

“y’know i’ve seen your first movie about 100 hundred times” harry admitted making you flush. “shut up. you’re talking out of your ass” you say taking his wine glass away and pausing netflix.

“i’m serious. had a proper crush on you too” he laughed shaking his head.

“i don’t know if you remember, but i think it was a teens choice awards. and you had gone on stage to get an award and i helped you up the stairs thinking you had heels on” he said and you remember it vividly now.

“oh shit yeah! no, i wore my lucky converse. they’re pretty cool too”

“i think youre pretty” harry whispered moving closer to you. you bit your lip to try and stop yourself from squealing.

“hmmm. ok mr styles”

Before you could come up with another joke harry placed his lips on yours. You didn’t even hesitate in kissing him back, your hands flying to his hair. He moaned at the feeling of you tugging on it.

“you have no idea how long i’ve been wanting to do that for” harry said slightly out of breath.

“don’t worry, darling” you paused.

“me too”

#AHH #hope you like!!!! ☺️#harry styles #harry styles fic #harry styles imagines #harry styles x reader #harry styles x you #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #asks #requests #imagines #fic #fics #fanfic

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nodusomnis · 4 years

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title: gacha puller pairing(s): tsukioka tsumugi & reader characters: tsukioka tsumugi, reader, settsu banri, chigasaki itaru, rurikawa yuki, sakisaka muku, nanao taichi synopsis: if Itaru has his own gacha puller, then you have your own as well. word count: 6.1k

"Ugh! No SSR again!" You yell in despair as you throw your hands up in the air while holding your phone in frustration.

You had pulled three times already for the new event that the game currently released, and yet you still haven't gotten the limited SSR of your favorite character that you've been waiting for. You did your best from delimiting yourself to pull for the other events for an entire month, albeit your hands were yearning to tap the pull button to get the new SSRs. It was an immense effort to forbear yourself, to be honest, considering the previous events were a tremendous temptation for you to manage.

Heeding your online friends getting the SSRs within that month made you envious and anxious about the fact you wanted to pull for the new cards as well. However, you impede and incessantly reminded yourself that the new card for your favorite character will be released in no time, so you need to be patient as they said: "Patience is Virtue." Nevertheless, you cling onto that famous phrase for you to prevent yourself from tapping that awfully tempting button.

What a drag.

"Sucks for you." Your head spontaneously whips at Itaru, sitting indolently on the couch across from you with the other lazyass, Banri.

"Shut up. I don't want to hear it from you. Your luck is much worse than mine, you know?" You sneer as you roll your eyes before flicking your gaze back on the screen of your phone to see the fodder cards you had obtained.

Just by viewing it, it utterly makes your head throb and puts you in a pit of misery. Banri and Itaru are minding their own businesses as per usual, for they had their own mobile games to play to even give you a scarce of their notice, particularly the salaryman who will never reel when he’s in his gamer mode.

You're the only one who doesn't play the games they are currently obsessing over since you're more into otome. Moreover, their games are beyond for you to grasp. Notably, you're not the type of a gamer akin to Itaru who will forsake sleep just for his one and only games. The way he lives his life is outrageously unhealthy, and you don't want to be sleep-deprived as you have other concerns to do as well in reality. As a university student, you need to prioritize your studies before entertainment as it was, by all means, your responsibility.

Since it was your day off today, you fritter away the responsibilities for now as you already completed the assignments you carry for this week.

Speaking of Itaru’s unhealthy habits, despite all of it, you do admit that you admired his obstinacy and perseverance when it comes to his games.

His devotion from staying in the top rankings and able to balance his work and entertainment had you respect the salaryman without any cynicism since, for you, it takes an amount of effort to segregate your attention to both states. However, the only thing you highly opposed about his commitment is him consuming a lot of money and not eating a decent meal during weekends as he would lock himself in his room for the whole day to play.

You never dared to enter his room since you know full well how he'd turn into a demon when someone disturbed him during his gaming bout.

He'd literally cuss at you, no doubt.

Not to mention, their games are not free to play friendly, which is why you never played the games with the two despite wanting to be part of their so-called co-op. It made you envious every time you will witness them being enthralled with clearing the dungeons and discussing their next quest. You'll lie to yourself if you say that you didn’t feel out of place in their conversations sometimes. Due to that, you did not disrupt the two, for you were aware that it will only hinder the momentum of their enthusiasm.

On the contrary, whenever you watched the two having a friendly game and seeing their triumphant faces when they won against some other teams was indeed a calming sight to observe. You would even notice yourself smiling along to their childish expressions, which was at first; you were bemused as to why, but shortly shrugged it off as you acknowledge that it was refreshing and a splendid view to behold. Though, sometimes, their effrontery they'd manifest will directly upend the sentiments you harbor for them.

"At least I got the new SSR yesterday," Itaru retorts, granting you a smug smirk, which causes your aggravation to develop and puff your cheeks.

"Yeah, right. A big thanks to Sakuya for pulling for you."

Banri sniggers upon hearing your response and leans his back on the couch, resting his arms on the backrest. "(Name)'s right, Itaru-san. You don't have the right to be priggish when you relied on Sakuya in the first place."

"Well, if you're in the level of desperation to get the SSR that you want, then you need to take drastic measures," he suggests to which you and Banri look at him in confusion with a tinge of curiosity.

"And that is?" Banri asks, and you only wait for Itaru to say his answer.

"Call for Sakuya and let him pull in your stead." Itaru exhibits a lopsided grin as he looks at you with a glint of persuasion and mischief behind those fuchsia irises of his. Hearing his outlandish suggestion earned him a groan from you and stomped your feet in distress.

This guy is seriously no-good when giving you advice. His reason only provides you nothing but a headache, and the faint light of hope you’re clinging onto is gradually quenching. You thought it would be something serious and beneficial, though you remember that in front of you is Itaru's switch off mode in which his princely appearance is out today, and his crappy personality will be served instead.

For that reason, you flash him a menacing glare, having the urge to grab his neck and strangle him to death, if only you had the courage to do so. Also, the director might get mad at you for diminishing their limited actors, albeit she’s a kind-hearted woman.

"Hell, no! Sakuya is your gacha puller, and there's no way I'll rely on your lucky charm—though I like him as an individual more than you, not gonna lie, no hard feelings. But seriously, your misfortune might be passed on me, so no thanks."

Banri bursts out a laugh once you say your retort, and even slapping his thighs so hard. While Itaru only stares at you with an incredulous face and instantly shifts to a feigned dejected mien.

"You're still headstrong in spite of being in a dire situation," he says matter-of-factly as he dismissively gestures his hand.

"It's because I have pride in me."

"Then that pride of yours must be discarded right now. It's not needed in this kind of circumstance."

"Ah, you're the only one who has the ability to do that, Itaru-san."

Your reply prompts the side of his lips to curve upwards, presenting you a boyish smirk on his handsome profile. The kind of smirk that will make girls' hearts skip a beat and fall for his charm, submitting themselves like he was a king who needs to be revered and would comply with his orders with no abstinence.

A relief sigh escapes your lips, knowing that you have the immunization to his charismatic façade and his princely appearance. Therefore, you needn't worry about being caught in his trap and wrapped you around his fingers with ease.

"I can't deny that since it's an irrefutable truth."

"You seemed to be proud."

Itaru lowly chuckles. "Of course, there's no room for me to degrade myself right now, won’t I?"

"You're seriously impossible." You sway your head in defeat as you are aware that debating with him is insignificant, so you ignored him completely.

You return your eyesight to your phone and find out that you still have two pulls left for you to get the new SSR. The frustration that temporarily quenched—thanks to Itaru’s sudden disruption—has now enkindled once again. You don't know if you should try to buy crystals if you didn't get it, but if you did buy them, then you’ll have insufficient money to sustain your future necessities, considering you’re a university student.

More importantly, there are tons of projects that will be given by the teachers this month, considering the first semester is about to end. In spite of having a part-time job, it’s inadequate to provide your simple living. It will be impertinent if you’ll rely on the company. There’s no question that Sakyo will scold you for hours and give you a mindful lecture about how to save money and blah blah blah.

That’s the last thing you ever wanted to occur. You don’t want to confront the cheapskate yakuza.

The dreading thoughts that are consuming your mind cause you to bite the inside of your cheeks in frustration. Temptation and the desire are crashing in your entire being like tidal waves, furnishing you a hard time to choose what decision you need to take. Preventing yourself from detaching yourself with desires is not smooth, like how you’d roast Itaru through words. After all, you’re just a humble human being.

Your only option is to rely on your luck, but the gut feeling crawling in the pit of your stomach tells you nothing but anguish from the outcome.

Ugh. This is seriously frustrating the hell out of you! You feel like you wanted to pull your hair out of your head.

You inhale an amount of breath to appease yourself. There’s no time for you to freak out in this urgent matter. You just need to determine what the best course of action is. You lift your chin to glance at the two gamers, having a sweet time communicating to themselves as though they are devoid of any dilemmas.

Their ignorance of your current lamentation and have the tendency to be merry is insulting on your part. Well, they are not the ones to blame for your hopeless situation since it’s your game. Besides, comforting someone due to some minor matter isn’t something to give notice. There are lots of controversies happening to the world that must be given complete attention to instead.

This is just a game. If you’re going to borrow Sakyo’s philosophy, then it wouldn’t be hard for you to decide. But to your dismay, you aren’t Sakyo.

Your mind drifts to Itaru’s suggestion earlier, trying to deliberate whether you should really rely on Sakuya this time. Do you really have to break your pride on the pretext of getting the SSR that you really desire?

No. There must be some other method to be considered. There’s no need for you to tarnish the pride you have confidence in.

Dwelling over the matter for a minute, the chatter of the two falls deaf in your ears like you’re being drowned under the sea. You’re too occupied with contemplating your next options to even give your half attention to the two. Once you had finally searched a good idea in the depths of your brain as if you did your utmost best to squeeze, just for you to find one due to the desperation to free from the shackles of your own hopelessness.

“The once dead fish eyes are now sparkling with hope. I hate that look,” Itaru comments once he took a glimpse at your way, which Banri also confers his attention to you.

“You’re so immature, dude.” Banri sweat drops yet ignores the adult beside him to ask your sudden enlightened face. “Don’t tell me that you finally got the SSR that you wanted?”

“Nope!” You chirp, making the two bewildered at the use of your tone, albeit you haven’t yet completed your mission of acquiring your deepest desire.

“Then why do you look so happy?”

Your smile stretches upon Itaru’s query. “I’ve got a plan of how I’ll get my favorite character.”

The two gamers exchange looks for a brief second before turning to you.

“How?”

A sing-song hum flows through your throat, and subsequently, answers Banri’s question. “I will find my own gacha puller!”

Upon hearing your response, the two were taken aback and rendered them mute, trying to digest the words you spouted in their brain, especially Itaru, who suggested not too long ago about relying on his gacha puller.

“What? So, you’re going to mimic my strategy, too?” The salaryman scoffs, and you roll your eyes at him.

“For your information, you’re not the only person who has a gacha puller. Self-proclaiming won’t get you anywhere.”

“When did I say that?” You ignored his question.

“If I’m going to search for my gacha puller, it has to be like Sakuya. Innocent and not corrupted like someone here.”

“Oi, you’re pertaining to me, aren’t you?”

“I kinda’ know where you’re getting from,” Banri says.

“Are the two of you gonna ignore the lonely salaryman here?” Itaru feigns a crestfallen expression and voice bound with a melancholic tone.

You snap your head at the whining man. “Shut up, Itaru-san. You’re being a nuisance.”

“Ouch.” You continue to ignore him as Banri shows a sympathetic look before returning his gaze on you, whose two fingers pressed against your chin, thinking who will be the perfect candidate for your gacha puller.

“Well, if we’re talking about innocent people here, then it’s either Muku or Taichi,” Banri suggests, stopping you from your tracks and peer at him.

“I agree with Muku, but I’m having doubts for Taichi,” you say with uncertainty to which Banri creases his eyebrows.

“Why’d you have doubts about our member, huh? He’s actually innocent rather than Hyodo,” he spats Juza’s name with virulence while brandishing a sour look on his visage.

“Why are you involving Juza in our conversation? You seemed attached to him, don’t you?”

Itaru snickers at your counter, and Banri, in a flash, shoot him a scowl before facing you. “Huh?! Who you’re talking to?”

“Whatever. You’re still in the denial stage, so let’s throw this off-topic aside. ”Your voice is as cold as the snow, face woven with indifference as you’re not here to discuss Banri's rants about his teammate. Seeing them bickering on a daily basis had you tired from always hearing the two autumn troupe members. That is enough. You don’t want to add it further.

“I’m still talking!”

“Anyway, Muku can be one of my gacha pullers, but it feels there’s someone who we’re still forgetting. Do you know who they might be?” You question the two. Banri’s irritated face has yet to fade, bestowing you a huff before rolling his eyes.

What an attitude man.

“She totally ignored you,” Itaru taunts, causing the young gamer to release a scoff.

“Shut up, itaru-san,” Banri grumbles. “I don’t know who you’re talkin’ about. Why don’t ya use your pretty little head to find it out?”

“I suggest that you should find someone devoid of desires. But I’m afraid it’ll be hard for you to search for one since humans are inundated with unlimited desires. Ah, I’m fortunate to have met Sakuya. It must be fate.” Itaru’s grinning from ear-to-ear, looking at you tauntingly as if looking down at you for being an unfortunate soul.

You repress yourself from lurching at the man just to wipe that shit-eating grin of his. It’s pissing you off. His face is infuriating.

“I’ll slap you if you’re going to rile me up. And I’m not kidding,” you threaten with venom in your speech. Itaru can even witness how your face darkens as though he’s in a thriller game about to get killed by you. It was enough for the gamer to hold his hands up, and motions his hand as though he’s waving a white flag at you, an indication of surrender.

“Please, spare me.”

“Should I go for Muku?” Is your immediate question, leaving the two lazyasses to shrug their shoulders in sync.

“Go ahead. It’s not our game after all—urk!” Banri’s sentence was cut off when you suddenly charged at him and grabbed his collar, pulling his face closer to yours.

“Hey, I’m asking for a genuine reply here, you bastard. Don’t give me a half-assed answer if you don’t want me to shove a pipe in your asshole.” Banri feels the sweat on his forehead begins to form and breathe hitches upon the proximity of your faces. His ocean blue eyes stare into yours, looking at him so precariously as though you won’t have second thoughts of granting him an abominable experience. Additionally, the way how baritone your voice was, so low and threatening that didn’t miss to send shivers down his spine.

He isn’t informed that you can be this terrifying and manifest this kind of appearance.

Even Itaru was speechless to say anything at this moment. He only watches his player two getting dominated by you, hovering the poor high schooler while your faces were only inches apart. Banri hasn’t responded anything yet and remained still in his spot. Itaru chooses not to step in between you two since it will be a red flag for him if he does. He has no qualms that he’s gonna receive your lethal glower, and Banri’s position might be switched to him.

So nope. He’s just going to send F to Banri on LIME later.

“I’m home.”

Your treacherous character dissolves in a heartbeat once the familiar gentle, and silken voice of the winter troupe’s leader meddled in your ears. Without wasting a second, you hop off of Banri to face Tsumugi with a sweet smile and amiable appearance as though nothing vexatious had happened.

“Welcome home, Tsumugi-san!” You greet him with life and skips to the man to welcome him.

“It’s amazing how her behavior alters in just a spur second,” Itaru comments, only for Banri to hear.

“I can even see flowers surrounding her face when confronting Tsumugi-san.” The poor boy, who just recently received your murderous intent, was in disbelief to see your cheery face at the winter troupe’s leader. There’s no trace of deadly appearance on you like how you gave him only a little while ago. It seems that all of it was a mere illusion once you confront Tsumugi.

“Oh? Why are the three of you gathered here? It’s rare to see you in the lounge around this hour,” he says as soon as he enters.

“We’re talking about some game-related stuff. So, how’s tutoring your tutee, Tsumugi-san?” you ask him with your full attention. And the said guy gives you his immediate answer.

“He has issues with memorizing, but I know he’s going to be fine once we continued practicing his memorization skills. It will take time for him, but it's better if we worked on it now rather than sooner. He’s a great student, I dare say.”

You couldn’t help but smile at how he really gives his full effort on tutoring his student, added by how supportive he was. It’s already apparent at the way he’s helping the high schoolers in this company during his spare time. And even he returned home after tutoring one of his tutees, if there’s someone who is in need of his assistance, he won’t have second thoughts to help them out.

You certainly admire and respect this man in front of you. He’s an actual angel.

“You’re really nice, Tsumugi-san. I can’t help but admire you even more,” you say straightforwardly, which causes the apple of his cheeks to sprinkle with red hues.

“E-Eh, is that so? T-Thank you, I guess?” You chuckle at the way he stumbled on his words. It’s so typical of Tsumugi to do that. He’s not used to receiving such compliments, albeit he definitely deserves it.

Tsumugi regains his composure and begins to ask you. “Anyway, what about the game you’re talking about? I know I’m not good with games, but I can lend you an ear if you have any troubles.”

You feel your heart warm after he says those words. Words that are enough for the misery you felt to evaporate and give you the slightest hope in your darkest day. His concern toward you surely touched you. Not like those two lazyasses still sitting on the couch, can’t even have a mere sympathy for you. Sigh.

“Now that you mentioned it,” you trail off, recollecting the circumstance you’re in, a good idea suddenly emerges in your brain as you look at the tutor. If it’s Tsumugi, it’s worth the risk. Also, you won’t know until you try. “Can you pull in my stead, Tsumugi-san?”

Your query generates him to be baffled, tilting his head to the side as he casts his eyes upon the phone you are lending. He doesn’t know what you’re talking about but takes the gadget from your hand regardless.

The winter troupe leader peeks at your phone’s screen, only to find out different guy characters showing on the screen. He has no idea what kind of game you’re playing, but he is certain that this type of genre is exclusive for girls.

“Which button should I tap?” You peek at your phone.

“The one that said roll ten times.”

When Tsumugi heard you as clear as day, he leads his pointer to the button you wanted him to press. He takes a glimpse at your face, eyes filled with anticipation and plead, eyebrows knit together while your lips tremble lest for the upshot of his aid. His apprehension solely expands as he hasn’t had the slightest inkling of what is happening for you to present such expression.

Further, he hasn’t yet to inquire about the whole matter. However, relying on him for your game had his stomach twist unpleasantly. Beads of sweat start to dribble down his nape, knowing full well that it’s something important to you. Hence, entrusting him with it seems that he is carrying a huge responsibility on his shoulders, similar to his troupe’s debut show. And for some reason, it appears that your anxiety has transported to him as well.

Tsumugi was too immersed in his thoughts to even lay his attention on the phone he’s holding. His gaze fixated on yours had yet to avert for just a little second. As he stares at you, the expression you showed a second ago has altered to a shock one and immediately tilts your head upwards to face him with eyes gleaming with rapture.

“T-Tsumugi-san…” you mutter, voice tied with disbelief.

Your reaction confuses him. That’s why he attempts to glance at your phone. But before he can even land his sight on it, you abruptly release a squeal while leaping in joy. And this causes the two men sitting on the couch to flinch once they hear your energetic voice.

He doesn’t know what happened, but he deemed that he did a good job. Your phone is still in his hand, literally forgotten to hand it to you back as his awareness is concentrated on yours, cheering like a little kid who just received a gift from her parents. With you being like that, he’s inclined not to interrupt your happiness and let you celebrate as long as you want.

Tsumugi couldn’t refrain himself from smiling at the sight since your mood is indeed entertaining and contagious for him not to.

“Well, we already know what the conclusion is,” Banri suddenly speaks while taking a side glance at Itaru.

“If I only knew that Tsumugi has this luck with gachas, then retreating to have him pull for me before was absolutely a bad decision of mine.” Itaru huffs, slumping his back against the backrest, feeling dejected upon recalling the day he mentioned. He sure does regret it, not gonna lie.

“You did? Condolence for you, man,” Banri nonchalantly responds.

“I can’t feel any sympathy from you.”

After many seconds of celebrating, you swiftly spin your body to confront Tsumugi with a wide grin. “Tsumugi-san, thank you so much!”

Due to the overwhelming emotions swelling you to the brim, you throw your arms around him, embracing the man with delight without any warnings. Your abrupt action had the leader to be caught off guard, and a faint blush instantly crept up to his cheeks. His muscles all over his body freeze, seemingly like steel that couldn’t be bent due to how stiff he is right this instant.

This kind of skinship makes him uncomfortable and embarrassed as he had never done it outside of his family, especially to the opposite gender since he knew full well how it’d cross the boundary between the parties involved. It’s not like he doesn’t like to be hugged by you. It’s just; it was so sudden that his coherence had flown away from him.

Tsumugi’s heart races alike when he’s having a morning jog with Tasuku. He couldn’t move a single inch as he’s yet stunned at the current situation. Fortunately, he didn’t loosen his grasp on your phone despite his astonishment.

Tsumugi only has the chance to relax when you retract your body from him, but your hands are still holding his arms.

“You really made my day! I was about to lose hope because I already spent two-thousand crystals, and yet I still haven’t acquired my favorite character,” you gloomily say as you gaze down to show how afflicted you are for your misfortune. But eventually rearranges to a merry mien after looking back at him. “But because of you, my hope has recovered once again! You are the light in my darkest time, Tsumugi-san! I really owe you!”

Tsumugi’s heart has yet to recover from beating vigorously, and here you are only supplementing it more. Your choice of words sure does make him flustered as though his face is gonna explode at any given moment.

“Y-You’re exaggerating. I’m not similar to what you think of me… Also, I’m just lucky enough to get your favorite character,” he bashfully says while avoiding his gaze.

“Even if you say that my opinion of you will never change. Just so you know, your presence around always makes me calm and wash away my troubles in the meantime. Well, I don’t know why I feel that way, but one thing’s for sure, it’s because of your gentle trait and artlessness that makes my chaotic mind to pacify from creating a storm. It really helped me a lot during the time of my crisis due to school work and job. Your aura is a good influence here in the dorm, especially everything’s a mess here. So why don’t you take the credit for yourself this time? You need it sometimes, and you really deserve it.”

You flash him a toothy grin, a perfect time where he peers at you again. Beholding your bright smile that is free from any malice, like the sun rays illuminating the dark places, he couldn’t have the chance to give you a response as it’s keeping him arrested from uttering a word. On top of it all, your disclosure of the way you see him has rendered him speechless, and his ears are starting to burn up.

“Anyway, you have my sincerest and deepest gratitude. I owe you this time. Can I take my phone back?” you ask, which returns him to his senses.

“Oh, right. Here you go.”

Taking your phone, you take a glimpse at the cards that he pulled for you. Seeing the SSR you’ve been desperate to get already came home. You couldn’t restrict yourself from grinning broadly, and the wave of ecstasy crawls to your system.

Relying on Tsumugi was the best decision you ever made!

“Hey, you lazyasses! I finally got the SSR that I want!” You enthuse.

Banri was the first one to comment. “Yeah, yeah. Thanks to Tsumugi-san.”

“Good for you. Not only did you acquire the SSR, but you also found your own gacha puller.”

Upon hearing Itaru’s statement, an idea instantly pops in your mind, which causes you to whip your head at Tsumugi, who’s looking at you with a questioning gaze.

“Hey, Tsumugi-san,” you drawl his name, almost cooing. “Can you give me the honor of being my gacha puller?”

Hearing your question and the way you look at him with puppy eyes prompts him to blink his eyes in confusion, specifically to the word he hasn’t yet encountered.

Is that a slang word for games? Also, why are you looking at him like that?

“Why does it seem like (Name)’s proposing to him?” Banri utters while watching you with a weird look.

Itaru evokes a scoff. “Maybe she is.”

“You kiddin' me, right?” Itaru only shrugs his shoulders as his response to the autumn leader before returning his attention to you and Tsumugi.

The tutor doesn’t know what could be his answer to your offer just now. You’re still staring at him with hopeful eyes, seemingly glimmering under the lights of the lounge. Tsumugi feels a sweat dribbling down his temples as he’s getting self-conscious by the seconds you keep on staring at him with gravity.

Before he speaks, he gulps first to hydrate his almost dry throat to prevent him from stuttering.

“W-What do you mean by gacha puller?”

Well, so much for not stuttering. He sighs mentally.

“Oh, just like what you did earlier. You’re only going to pull for me to get the SSRs that I want. I don’t have luck like yours, but Itaru-san’s luck is much worse than I am, though.”

Itaru reflexively reacts upon the mention of his name. “Oi, why did I suddenly get involved in this? I’m not doing anything to you. That’s BM.”

Tsumugi sweat drops at Itaru’s retort and sheepishly laughs, knowing the two of you are glaring at each other that he can even see an invisible line of electricity through your gazes. In order for both of you to stop, he decides to meddle to change the atmosphere that is starting to surround the lounge, and before the situation gets worse.

“If that’s the only terms and conditions, then I wouldn’t mind.” In a spur second, you snap your head at him, and the antagonistic face you display for the gamer vanishes in a jiffy when you confront him.

“Really?!” You exclaim with a broad smile.

Tsumugi nods, smiling as well. ��Yeah, I don’t mind. If it will make you happy, then I’ll offer you my assistance.”

The leader stumbles when you suddenly leaped in joy and hugged him with enthusiasm. This causes his face to flare again as he didn’t expect that he’ll be embraced by you two times in a row. But what makes his face to sharpen its red color is when the three words that slipped from your lips.

“I love you, Tsumugi-san! You’re the best!”

It seems that the cogs of his brain have stopped as though something had blocked its operation. His eyes grow wide like saucers as he hadn’t foreseen of you to blurt out such a thing. Tsumugi strives to second-guess. Perhaps, the meaning of your words is just a simple expression to imply how happy and grateful you are for him to accept your request. However, in the deepest corner of his brain tells him otherwise, and that alone only adds the saturation of his red face.

The two gamers who witnessed the scene solely stare at you both with shock evident in their profiles. They couldn’t follow if it’s just the same as to how Tsumugi sees it, or you accidentally confessed to him because of your overwhelming emotions that you couldn't contain. But they couldn’t even recall a time where there’s a sign of you liking the winter troupe leader. There is a high possibility that you’re hiding your feelings that you slipped it out, out of the blue. If it does, then you sure are damn good.

The lounge is crackling with awkwardness, and it didn’t go unnoticed by you of how the silence erupts inside. When you assimilate the situation and the words you had blurted just now, it was enough for you to release yourself from Tsumugi with so much haste that you even toppled on your feet.

You lift your chin up to face the leader, whose face is in a bright shade of red and had never seen him looking at you with such big eyes as though accusing you with something in which he is confident that you are the culprit.

Oh gosh, you said something you shouldn’t have. You can be an idiot sometimes.

Now, you don’t know how you’ll get away from this awkward tension. Your face is heating up as the seconds' tick, and the stares of the three seem like melting you slowly. The embarrassment you had induced to yourself makes you want to dig a hole and put your head inside like an ostrich, rejecting to face reality. Noticing Tsumugi’s flustered visage didn’t help you to soothe yourself even for just a brief moment. Instead, it gives you more a reason to faint at this current moment.

“I-I…” you stammer, trying to find an excuse to defend yourself. However, your brain isn’t cooperating with you in this predicament, for it’s in turmoil to even go back to its coherence. Your head is becoming fuzzy, thanks to the shame that’s eating you alive. Most importantly, it appears to be your body has been frozen, obstructing you from running away just as you want to.

“We’re home!” The new voice that emerges from the front door snaps you all back to your senses and turn your heads where the others are.

The shuffling sounds and footsteps are heading to your way. You assure that the voice you recently heard is Taichi’s, and you heard Muku and Yuki’s voice as well. Once the trio enters the lounge, they instantly greet you all.

“We’re back,” Yuki says nonchalantly, facing the two gamers before shifting to you and Tsumugi.

“What are you all gathered here for?” Taichi’s inquiry causes Itaru and Banri to cast their eyes upon you, and that action had Muku to be baffled and look at you as well.

Both of your faces are red, and it’s not that difficult for the three to notice the awkward atmosphere between you and the winter troupe leader.

“Eh, why are your faces red?” Taichi suddenly asks to which you flinch in your spot and frantically shakes your head.

“I-It is? It’s because the w-weather is hot for me to handle, so that’s why,” you awkwardly laugh while scratching the back of your head. “Oh, it’s already six. I need to go back to my room to do my homework! Well, see you all around! And by the way, welcome home, you three!” After you bid your goodbye, you dash away from the lounge, like a speed of light.

The students who just arrived simply display a confounded expression, and discerns the way you’re being frantic as though you’re in a hurry.

“So, why’s the acting nerd blushing?” Yuki blurts, intensely scrutinizing the said man.

Hearing Yuki’s question earns his attention and shakes his head violently, similar to what you did earlier. “E-Eh? I-It’s nothing serious…”

His answer hadn’t convinced the designer, but instead, it only ignites his suspicions toward the flustered tutor.

“Oi, elite swindler, and neo gangster, did something happen while we were away?”

“Perhaps, it’s time for me to tend the flowers. I-I’ll see you all later…” Tsumugi says with a trace of timidity in his voice, eluding the question that may pass onto him soon. And afterward, he struts away from the place before going to the courtyard to look at the flowerbeds.

The ones who are left in the lounge just watch him until his figure disappears in their sight.

“So, what happened?” Yuki interrogates. The two gamers sitting on the couch steal glances at each other before Banri shrugs his shoulders.

“Well, it’s not our place to tell you that.”

“Eh?! What, why?! Is it some scoop the reason why you aren’t sharing it with us?!” Taichi exclaimed, causing the pink-haired boy to blush upon imagining something intimate.

“W-What if they accidentally kissed, that’s why they are blushing like that?! It’s like a scene from a shoujo manga. T-Then, after that incident, it will make the two slowly fall in love with each other!”

“N-No way!”

“Calm down, you two,” Yuki elicits a sigh as the two starts to become engrossed in their own world.

Banri and Itaru laugh at Muku’s presumption. In spite of acquiring your own gacha puller, there’s still a consequence for you to get what you desire. And that is embarrassing yourself in front of the known angel of the winter troupe.

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de-profundis-ad-astra · 3 years

Text

Fury, Oh Fury - Part One

Triple Frontier | Hunger Games AU

Me: Hey what if I started working on Fury again? Y’all: Me: Hey if I started working on Fury again would you read it? Y’all: Me: Okay okay you’ve forced my hand I guess I gotta start working on Fury again

Rating || Mature (for graphic descriptions of violence/gore and strong language) Characters || Ben Miller. William Miller. A good chunk of this fic will be heavily focused on the Miller brothers, because I’m most comfortable writing them and I feel like I know them the best. Rest assured, Pope and Catfish will be making appearances ~eventually~ Word Count || 4.2k Taglist || (Starting out tagging some mutuals and people I remember from the previous taglist) @firefeatherx @mylifeliterally @mandoplease @phoenixhalliwell @skylyknightly @havenforafrazzledmind @beatriz-silva-00 @veuliee @veuliee2 @oldstuffnewstuff @dindisneydjarin @lilacyennefer @dignityneeded @agirllovespancakes @xjustmenobodyelse @oscarflysaac @jaime1110 @goldenhour-goldenboy @pascalz @briskywalker @herestherealproblem @givemethatgold

Author’s Note || For anyone who might be new here, @veuliee sent me a concept that I kinda uh, tripped over my own feet and plunged face first into and that’s the story of how I started writing a Hunger Games AU for Triple Frontier. Things got unbelievably crazy once I started work, and I’ve had some pretty unhealthy work/home boundaries with being virtual. I’m trying to establish some healthier limits and make more time for my writing, and this seemed like a good enough starting point. That and the outlines for the rest of this fic are still staring at me and demanding to be written.

So, here goes.

Home hasn’t felt like home since Will left.

It’s been nothing more than a house since the day of the reaping, almost a month ago. A collection of walls with a roof—the same as any other building. The place where he grew up. A place to rest his head and feed himself between training sessions. It won’t be home until Will comes back.

If he comes back.

Will has trained for this, Ben tells himself when doubt creeps in, wraps its icy fingers around his lungs and clenches tight, pushes down on his chest in the dead of the night and it feels like Ben is drowning. Will practiced and fought and earned the chance to volunteer for District Two. He wouldn’t have been selected as the male tribute for this year if his teachers hadn’t felt he had a strong chance of returning victorious.

But there had been Two’s female tribute also. And the tributes from One and Four. All were formidable in a fight, and knew the tips and tricks to survival that would be essential in the arena. Not to mention the Games themselves were an absolute wild card. For all Will’s training, he still could be killed by a natural disaster of the gamemakers design, stabbed in the back by his allies, a tribute from an outlying district could catch him off guard.

There’s far too much that can go wrong; Ben drowns each and every thought behind his own training at the academy.

He can’t let that kind of vulnerability shine through. Not to his father. Not to his peers. Especially not when he’s being followed as much as his brother in the arena. Since the field of tributes narrowed down to eight five days ago, when Capitol cameras and personnel arrived to interview him and his father, there’s been hardly a moment of privacy. So Ben covers his fear with a smile, says he has full confidence that his brother will be home as soon as he can. He laughs when they ask him if he’ll volunteer one day, just like his brother did.

Ben answers with a grin, says he has no place to make that determination—but who knows?

Deep down… he knows. He’s known for a while now. He’s young, but he’s already tall, strong, quick. A prodigy, they’d said of his skills. A promised child, just like his brother was.

In spite of his age, Ben is favored to volunteer and represent District Two in the coming years. For now, though, the focus is on honing those skills, shaping him into the best warrior they can to bring pride to District Two.

The Capitol, they say, are charmed by him already. The idea of two brothers bearing the title of Victor is the kind of narrative they’re keen to fall for. So Ben plasters that smile on and lets himself become a part of the show.

Because if he lost Will…

If he lost Will—

Where would home be?

All of District Two seems to have hit pause, every pair of eyes glued to the nearest screen.

Peacekeepers-in-training pause their exercises. Future tributes stop their sparring matches. The lines at every shop in town are on hold. Even the children have stopped playing their games to witness this.

And in the city square, standing in front of the Justice Building in a roped off section reserved for family, the mayor, and a handful of District Two’s more recent victors, thirteen year old Benjamin Miller tries to keep his fidgeting down to an occasional scuff of his feet on the dusty ground or flex of his weary muscles.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it seems we are entering the final moments of the Fifty-fourth annual Hunger Games!”

The massive screens mounted in the square broadcast live footage from the arena. Presently, two feeds are placed side by side, dedicated to the two remaining tributes of this year’s Hunger Games. One tracks Will’s every move, the other follows his opponent: the boy from District Four.

Will abandoned the Career pack when there were still fourteen tributes left. One night, during his watch shift, he left them behind, taking with him a pack with enough food to last him four days, a bottle of water, a sleeping bag, a hunting knife, and his preferred sword. A long, wicked thing most people might have struggled to wield two-handed. Will handled it with ease. One-handed.

Speculation rippled through the district at that. The decision to leave so early in the Games was shocking enough. Why not kill the rest while they slept and increase his odds of victory by an exponential margin? It was known that the pack would disband eventually, but why so soon?

At the academy, Will was both praised and berated for his choice. It was understandable to leave before bonds formed and killing another tribute turned into killing an ally. But so early? When so much could go wrong? It was a risk not many were brave enough to take.

In the arena, navigating the terrain proved to be its own exercise of survival. This year’s terrain consisted of three mountains of varying height, surrounded by dense forest. It became apparent early on that the woods were not safe, as they were crawling with all manner of predators, both organic and manufactured by the Capitol. Two weeks into the Games, the gamemakers destroyed the entire forest with a raging wildfire, killing an additional two tributes.

The forest now uninhabitable, Will had taken to carving out several hiding places among the mountainsides. Once he’d burned through his rations, he relied on hunting small creatures still inhabiting the cliffs and whatever his mentor was able to provide through sponsors. With the element of surprise working for him, Will had managed to ambush and eliminate four additional tributes, bringing his kill count to a whopping ten—high above the average for a typical career.

Almost half of the playing field, brought down by one seventeen-year old. Will must have struck a deal with his allies before the start of the Games, because during the bloodbath, he’d done most, if not all of the killing while the remainder of his team secured their supplies from the Cornucopia. If he walked away from this, he’d be the pride of District Two for a long time to come on that merit alone.

When the tribute pack thinned down to four, the gamemakers struck again. Devastating rockslides hammered each mountain, cutting off both Will’s access to his hiding spots, and any freshwater sources he’d relied on. The slides killed two tributes, the girl from One and the boy from Five.

Ben remembered watching in abject horror as his brother fled from the avalanche, finally managing to take cover underneath an outcropping of rock that shielded him from the worst of it. He’d escaped, though not without accruing a fair amount of scrapes and bruises along the way. The worst of it was a small, but deep cut slicing through his eyebrow. By a small miracle, it had stopped bleeding within an hour, but half of Will’s face was now crusted with streaks of dried blood, only adding to his already haggard state. He lost his knife in the chaos, but managed to hold onto his sword—his saving grace.

Not only that, but the only reason the boy from Four had survived was because he’d turned on his companion as they fled. When they were clear of the slides, while her guard was down, he’d shoved her back, right into the path of an oncoming boulder. She was crushed before she could even appear shocked by the betrayal. There weren’t even any remains left for the hovercraft to collect.

More whispers rippled through the district, then. Yes, it was sad. But it was what needed to be done.

No fresh water. Most of the wildlife either dead or scared off. Two tributes. It was evident the gamemakers wanted to end this fast. The Games had already lasted nearly three and a half weeks, far longer than average. This year had proven to be a particularly hardy bunch. Even getting a small water bottle into the arena at this rate would likely cost a large fortune.

Which meant they were on their own.

The moment the dust cleared, the cannons fired and faces projected in the sky, everyone knew what came next. Immediately, a space was cleared in the square for Ben and his father, victors called out to join and prepare to offer either congratulations or condolences depending on the outcome of the final encounter.

On the screen, Will inches his way along a narrow path on the face of the tallest mountain. All he has on his person is his sword and his clothes, veritably shredded after three weeks of fighting for his life in such an unforgiving environment. The landscape is similar enough that when Ben looks at the screen with the boy from Four, he can’t tell how near they are to each other. Will grew up in the mountains of Two. In theory, he should have an advantage over the boy from the coast. Nothing is ever set in stone, though—not in the Hunger Games. Four had proven himself to be quiet the adaptable tribute.

They have to be getting close, Ben thinks, there’s no way the gamemakers would push them away from each other at this point.

As if in answer to his thought, a low, feline snarl rumbles through the speakers. It’s faint, far away, but Will hears it. Everyone hears it. Pressing his back against the rock, he dares a swift look down towards the origin of the sound. As if oblivious to the cameras trained on him or simply not caring, Will’s shout cuts through the wind.

“Fuck!”

The camera angle switches, and Ben’s heart plummets.

Prowling about fifty feet beneath Will’s feet is a strange breed of feline, the likes of which Ben has never seen before. Three of them. Large, with a pale golden coat and small round ears. Long, curved, razor-sharp claws extending from all four oversized paws carve thin scratches into the rock as they pace back and forth beneath him.

Ben’s first thought is cougar, but then the cat looks up, and he beholds the elongated canines extending far past its lower jaw. He’s learned about it in school. A kind of cat that went extinct long before the continent was even known as the Americas. Despite his best efforts, Ben cannot recall its name.

It’s undoubtedly a muttation, designed and put out by the gamemakers to do one thing: kill.

The long-toothed cat bares its teeth, its companions following suit. From his perch on the mountainside, Will’s chest moves rapidly. He’s struggling to control his breath, Ben realizes. His throat tightens, his stomach tangling with itself.

Beside him, his father murmurs, “Move, William, move.”

“Look at that!” one of the commentators yells. “It seems the gamemakers have one last trick up their sleeves to push Will and Reed together!”

Ben grips the rope in front of him as if that is the only thing separating him from Will. The big cat crouches, leaps up to a rock jutting out from the mountainside, ten feet closer to him. Ben spares one glance towards Four’s feed. He doesn’t seem to be faring much better. Another trio of cats nip at his heels as he struggles to ascend the mountain.

Will’s breathing slows and deepens, and he masters himself enough to take several tiny steps closer to the end of the path. There, he will easily be able to summit the mountain, another twenty feet above his head.

The cats leap up another ten feet, and Will draws his sword with one hand. Bracing his free hand on the smooth, grey rock, he angles the blade towards the advancing cats and continues inching along. Only a few more feet separate him from the safety of the broad platform of stone. Beneath him, one of the cats leans back onto its haunches. Its entire body trembles before it goes preternaturally still, preparing to make one last leap towards its prey.

Reading the movements, Will does the same. For a moment, they lock eyes. Blue to gold, predator to predator. Silence grips the square. Ben’s lungs strain against his ribs, but he doesn’t let himself breathe. Not yet. Not when it feels as if a single puff of air could alter the course of history in this moment.

The cat leaps.

So does Will.

He goes nearly parallel to the ground, his free hand reaching out for something he can catch himself on and his sword hand sweeping downward the same moment the cat swipes a clawed paw towards him.

The honed edge of the sword slices deep into the neck of the feline. A trail of blood droplets follows the arc of the blade as Will twists in midair, angling his body so his back will take the brunt of the impact and tucking his chin down into his chest. The cat yowls as it tumbles back, the sound turning into an awful gurgle before cutting off. Its body falls down the steep mountain face. Ben only catches a short glimpse before it tumbles off the screen, but he can see that Will cut deep enough that its head is barely hanging on by a few tendons and muscle fibers. A thick streak of red smears the rock where it fell.

With a grunt, Will slams into the ground, sliding over the dirt and loose rocks for a moment before his body stills. He remains there for several seconds before ever so slowly, he turns onto his side. Pressing his left hand into the ground, Will pushes himself up, dragging his feet beneath his shoulders. As soon as he puts his weight onto his legs, he gives out and he topples back down.

Any relief Ben felt at his brother’s life-saving maneuver is swelled out by a pulse of fear when he sees why his brother can’t stand.

A duo of long cuts, so straight and deep it looks almost surgical, extends from the middle of Will’s thigh down to his ankle. Ben had been so busy watching his brother he’d been oblivious to the fact that the cat had gotten him.

Each breath Will takes has blood oozing from the laceration until the leg of his pants are soaked and glistening a deep, sullen red. He tries, and fails, again to rise to his feet. Even using the sword as a support, he loses his footing and crumbles, his weight kicking up a cloud of dust when he hits the rock.

“In a stunning turn of events, it seems that the outcome of these Games have already been determined…”

Get up, Ben thinks with every shred of desperation he has. Get up, Will.

Will sluggishly turns onto his back, and hoists himself upright with his legs stretched in front of him. It seems to take every bit of energy he has to shrug his jacket off, and slide it underneath his bleeding leg. He brazenly ties the sleeves around his thigh until his arms are straining and the blood flow slows. The makeshift tourniquet may save his life, but it’s only a matter of minutes before the damage is so permanent that he risks losing the limb altogether.

Again, using his sword for support, Will heaves himself to his feet. He wobbles again, and Ben feels his heart rise into his throat before he steadies himself. Will straightens, and takes a few limping steps towards the final ascent. He’d been so busy tending to his wound, worrying about the big cats, that he hadn’t heard the approaching footsteps. Ben, too wrapped up in concern for his brother, hadn’t checked the other video feed, hadn’t heard the commentators call out in shock—

When Four crashes into Will and sinks a knife into his shoulder.

Ben, his father, the city square, the entirety of District Two, cry out in collective shock as Will and Four go down, Four pinning him with a roar so inhuman it sends a chill skittering over Ben’s bones.

It’s worse, so much worse than he’d imagined.

Blood sprays, and Will’s fingers splay when he hits the rock. His sword clattering too far for him to reach. Ben barely processes what he sees as he fights to remain upright. He feels the cameras in the square narrow in on him. He can’t give out. Not now.

Will rolls, flipping Four off of him and onto the ground, wrenching the knife in his shoulder free in the process. His blood drips down the blade as Four angles it in front of himself, his own arm shredded, likely from his encounter with those big cats. Will slowly climbs to his knees, beaten and bloody and entirely at a disadvantage. The blood, the dirt—he looks more animal than human when he bares his teeth.

Ben’s never seen anything like it. Anything so unearthly, so primal and raging.

Four leaps again, and Will leans down. As Four descends on him, Will straightens, and there’s a clang of metal on metal.

It takes a moment for Ben to understand what he sees.

But there’s Will, knife in hand, his face red with the effort it takes to keep Four from landing another blow. He’d lost his knife in the avalanche. He’d seen it.

How long had Will kept a knife hidden in his boot, waiting for a moment such as this to use it?

Will manages to deflect what would have been a life-ending blow, but they topple again. Four bellows as Will’s blade plunges into his forearm and twists. The shrieking of Four, coupled with the spray of blood, sends a chill weaving down Ben’s spine.

Move, move, move!

Four’s free hand slams into Will’s face hard enough to crack bone, and Will stumbles back, blood gushing.

Will just grunts, his brow bunching in pain and concentration.

Every part of Ben shakes.

Four punches his face again and the sound fracks from Ben, “Will.”

Four yanks his arm free of Will’s knife, blood spraying like rain as he slashes at Will. He catches Four’s wrist in the follow-through with both hands, pinning his arm across his body. Four swings with his free hand, the punch easily dodged this time by Will.

They stare at each other for long, uncounted moments, nothing between them but howling wind and heavy, pained panting.

Then Will does the last thing Ben expects him to.

He headbutts Four.

Will releases Four’s arm as he staggers towards the edge of the peak, right towards where the long-toothed cats stalk in wait. The blow proves disorienting enough, and though Four swings his arms wildly to regain his balance, he takes one step back too far back and plummets.

He screams as he falls, but it goes hauntingly quiet when he hits.

The impact of Four’s body on the stone is heard across the nation. They wait for the cannon, but there’s nothing.

The mutts attack.

Will sinks to his knees.

Ben clutches the rope so tightly his knuckles whiten. It could be minutes, it could be hours, before the cannon booms at last.

Will looks to the side, his eyes finding the camera as if he’s known precisely where it was the entire time. Something like relief shines there, overpowered by pain and fury and something feral as the announcer declares, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to present the victor of the fifty-fourth Hunger Games, William Miller—the tribute of District Two!”

Two days later, Will’s final interview in the Capitol airs. Before now, he’s been kept keenly away from the cameras, and it becomes clear why the moment Ben sees him for the first time since his final glimpse in the arena. He wears a sharp grey suit, but any evidence of his injuries on his face have been wiped away. Whether by makeup or surgical alteration, Ben can’t tell. His skin is smooth and pristine, unmarred by bruises or cuts or even the faintest scar.

The crowd breaks into applause as Will is presented. He gives a winning smile, but the haunted glow is still there. He still looks a little too much like a cornered animal. His stylist is praised for his masterful capture of Will’s strength, physique, and iron-willed character.

Will sits in the victor’s chair like he was born for it. Maybe he was. He views the highlights with the rest of the nation, and answers his interviewer’s questions with grace.

“While you were there, in the arena,” says the host. “Was there any one thing that kept you going?”

Will seems to think on it for a moment, working his jaw over before he answers, “My brother. The whole time… I just wanted him to know that I love him.”

The audience croons about how strong and brave he is. Ben feels himself swell with pride.

He wants to be like Will one day, he thinks.

The wait for the train is its own agony.

District Two is nearest to the Capitol, but operations there don’t start until late in the morning on a good day. With the conclusion of the Games so fresh, it seems they need a few extra hours to get moving.

At last, the train rolls into the station late in the afternoon. No one comments on how Ben stood there, waiting for almost the whole day as more and more citizens of Two arrive to welcome their newest victor. They chatter amongst themselves, clearing space for Ben’s father as he arrives at last, fresh off his shift as the town’s head Peacekeeper.

As the train crawls to a halt, the voices around Ben die down, awaiting with bated breath for Will to show himself. Ben feels like he’s about to burst from his own skin with the anticipation—

The doors open, and there he is.

Will’s eyes snap to Ben’s almost instantly. The relief that cleaves through him almost knocks him to his knees.

Ben thinks it might have, had Will not leaped down and ran to him.

Will opens his arms, and Ben finds his way home.

Will remembers every face of every tribute in that godforsaken place.

The ones he killed directly haunt him the most.

He kept count of many things in the arena. The minutes that turned into hours that turned into days away from home… away from Ben. The number of breaths he still counted himself lucky to take. But most poignant of all was those faces. Each one, their faces as they died, had been etched into his memory. Every time he blinks, he sees them.

Ten. He killed ten of them.

The train barely makes a creak as it speeds over the railway. The ride from the Capitol to District Two isn’t long—barely an hour.

Though he grew up in one of the “wealthy” districts, there is a certain elegance to Capitol wares Will thinks he’s going to miss. He relishes in every moment he has left, wresting back thoughts of death and killing and betrayal.

He hadn’t been lying when he said it was Ben that got him through the worst of it in the arena. But that hadn’t been the whole truth, either. It was the thought of how he could redeem himself after so much tragedy, inflicting so much pain on others. He couldn’t do that if he let himself die in the arena.

How did Ben—little Benny, who perhaps wasn’t so little anymore but would always be to Will—see him now, at the end of it all? What could he say that would make all the violence, all the killing, right.

He didn’t know how, but he would do it. Will would make sure to see it done, no matter what it took.

Will is barely formulating what he can say to his brother when he feels the breaks engage on the train. All too soon, just like that, he’s back home… whatever home is, now. Sure, he’ll have the house in Victor’s Village and of course his family would be allowed to live with him, but the concept seems too foreign, now. He suspects it’ll take some time to adjust to that.

His mentor—a victor from about ten years ago, beckons him forward. Will’s legs are surprisingly shaky as he rises to his feet. Outside, he can hear the district already clapping, cheering for him. He tries to imagine Ben there, tries to pretend that his brother will be happy to see him, that he’ll be happy to see Ben.

The doors open.

Light floods the train car, and Will almost lifts a hand to block the sun. The initial surge of stimulus is overwhelming. The light, the sound, the unrelenting heat of the mountains. Will blinks hard to adjust his eyes.

As if by gravitational pull, he sees him.

His eyes find Ben’s, almost an exact mirror of his own. His brother’s eyes are wide, his face broken into a grin so wide it’s a wonder his skin hasn’t split.

That’s all it takes.

Will leaps down from the train car and runs. Every thought, every doubt, every word flees his mind as he takes in the sight of his brother. Healthy and whole and alive.

Ben’s there to meet him. They collide, and Will finds his way home.

#triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #william miller #william ironhead miller #ben miller #benny miller #pls god let this post to the tag on the first try #i don't want to redo all the formatting #triple frontier fic

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captainkurosolaire · 4 years

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Resolve - ‘Un‘

Embers of unclear burnt a paving path to a spiraling staircase. A dystopia forged by a whirlpool of regretful mistakes the place where flaw and the entities of stunt existed. Smoke filled the area curating a smog from a cigarette. Could consider this a portion of the psyche that wrapped the Captain's decisions in remaining fogged. Without a proper gust or wind he remained unresolved. The outline etch of the tormentor's dress shoes came towards the Captain's in a bask of light the flame of the cigarette was crushed out between soles. The Pirate settled his head to lower in shame who and what this was...

Fragmented splinters of memories floated through this distorted planescape that aching itch in one’s mentality of that gnawing depressor. There’s no place quite like the mind when it came to the array of capacity. A resolved and whole character who had centering balance they proved often shapers of endless creativity and mental fortitude. Tormentors were terrifying specters that often warped the mind in a million whispering hushed echos their pitches fit of misery. They sprawled around your subconscious preventing you from ever successfully moving onto growth. It encouraged the act of fear.

Whispering in distortion Negative uses fails as its repetitive weapon with unrelenting wickedness, ”You’ve merely silence the beast within a gag, it doesn’t resolve the claws.” ”Fester... hate... fume.. Let the inner you in. Only violent force makes dents.” “Boil until you’re deprived mad...” “Here’s the thing about cross-roads, we’ve all decisions. You slept a bed with the devil than your own lover, that’s the difference is all.” “Who’s left in your corner now?” “You’re damaged.” “Those scars! You haven’t bled enough!” “You can’t do anything without others!” “Lose more! Lose MORE ANSWERS!” “Take everything. Settle at no expense.” “Look at your pathetic beast clutch its flower.” “Without Reasons your Heaven has Fallen” “You’re Hell of Unmet Promises.” “Show them real evil.” “Actual violence.” “We killed the devil. That makes us the Devil.” “They’re just fodder for us.” “Anyone can replace them.” “Their thoughts hate you.” “You’re loathed.” “How long until you gain only to lose the next batch?” “You can’t escape me.” “Others will die in your stead.“ “Suit up. Confiscate your freedom.” “Embrace the truth.” “Be one of them. One of US” “Success needs to look the part.” “Do you remember her punches” ”Do you remember her bites?” “Her dresses fade from you.” “Perfection doesn’t look like you.” It pulled so desperately to pull to that place. Where in your subconscious you gave it power. Wanting to hear that you’re ‘undeserving.’ That you’re not ‘worthy.’ That you’re ‘inadequate.’ You’re a ‘reject.’ A failure once and always. Every step you took didn’t amount to anything wanting you to deter from the correct path. All the smallest insecurities, the harsh words you took from those closest to you, it saved to torture you with even when you said it didn’t bother you. -You lied... It bothered.- This menace came from the worst on the other-side of a mirror. Stabbing you again and again where the soul was until you were empty or left unsatisfied. Miserable! It wanted you. Unhealthy it wanted you! Stagnant it wanted you to embrace the darkness. To spread toxicity and vileness in projection cause you couldn’t handle yourself. It mocked you by insulting you by being the opposite of what you once opposed. Wearing spikes instead of being in your comfortableness. It flashed your memories of the past to dwell. Instead of letting you see right before the future. The ultimate deceit. Demon buried under skins and minds constantly rotting until end of days is claimed. The Captain’s body began shaking as if frightened. "You're trembling because you know what remains the case..." "Admit it..." "You're Undeserving.” “Accept us..." “Rejoin.”

The tormented pirate’s stance began regulating in steadiness. His head propping up as he revealed, he wasn't shaking... He was ugly laughing. With tears of manically, "Are ye kidding me? Yer my whole tormentor? Listen here Mopey-Dick, we're past that. I can't cast away my failures... If anyone ever put grander o' expectations that I was moral, well that's on them. I'm a screw-up -- grade A, the only time, I’ve gotten that grade with fit ranking! Even my dear ma' n' da' would be proud.--I'm twisted, one hundred percent. I don't do things by textbook, I'm a scrapper, a smash-mouth renegade. I thought my demon would be another Voidsent or much more intimidating and imposing... Though the fact, it’s lowly you..."

Pausing and laughing out in a disrupting loud, clutching his chest he thought he'd have a heart-attack.. "Or ME. -- Matey! This is what I call jolly findings... Listen. You ain't NOTHING! Second..." He'd crackle knuckles as if preparing for a beat-down before pretending to pick-up a link-pearl and bringing it to eared answer, his brow lifting in curiousness, before retorting, "It's NOTHING, says it’s for ye!" Then tossing the projected link-pearl at the tormentor’s head. He'd make a joke of his worst projection that he crafted, this part of him that nagged and gave doubtful voices. The only thing -UN- about this thing. Was WANTED! His willpower engulfed into a calamity of the brightest zen. What better way to conqueror yourself than shatter your own ego like the cigarette bud stomped earlier, insecurities, haunting nightmares, until it was deflated into mush. A reclaiming providence and control came back.

Realizing how insufficient his naysayer was that stood apart of him. That fragile side. He'd find his bellowing confidence back and recollect it from himself. Why he allowed his own-self to tear himself to shreds and cause grievance and lost, to strip himself of properly finding peace and conclusion was outside him.

To destroy this part would ensure he could properly find growth outside this internal stunt. A required necessity in being a Captain; Leader. Of True becoming the Anti-Steer.

This psychedelic trip brought him a conclusion and a grip to finally hold. Under normally may have never found without taking a plunge for this discovery to occur. In a stunned crossed visage of ‘The Undeserving’ the projection began getting decimated and thrashed around like a child’s target doll, whaled on nonstop. There was no further exemplified hatred then his former past transgressions to often conqueror seeing and realizing his own damages were caused by himself. This lesser variation, a scrawny portion of him that stood against himself in a time. He held no sympathy on burying this to forevermore. (Previous) --- References --- ♫ --- (Next Page)

#Final Fantasy XIV #The Shackles #The Glimpses of the Captain #Goldbrand's Awakening #Relevations #Unlocking #Overcoming #FFXIV #Pirate #Afflictions #Bottom of the Bottle #Escapist #Seeker of the Sun #Tales of the Goldbrand #Nothing can hold him down anymore #Self-Love #Horizon's Shadow #tw: dark thoughts #creative writing

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russiandollofclothing · 4 years

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The problems with Supercorp’s current state and the death of Kara’s characterization

I need to get this off my chest and I will be addressing several things so if you ever come across this post, bear with me.

Anyway, as the title suggests, this will be about the current state of Supercorp’s relationship and its issues.

To start, I have loved this ship’s relationship and their dynamics since its introduction in Season 2 of Supergirl and has been one of its biggest supporters. I have seen its ups and downs, dealt with problems with the showrunners, the cast and even inside the fandom. Through it all, I still had hope.

However, it has been heartbreaking to witness what has become of it. So, let’s begin.

The Current State of Supercorp

Let’s start with a summary. In the finale of Season 4, we finally got what we’ve been waiting for, but also dreading for the longest time, which is The Big Reveal. Unfortunately, but also as expected, it was not in a way that was favorable to us because Lena learned about Kara’s secret in the worst way possible, which was through Lex, leaving her feeling more betrayed than ever. That was where we left it in Season 4, but when Season 5 began we learn that weeks had passed. Naturally, Lena, as Lena would, didn’t immediately lash out and bottled up these feelings for weeks. While Kara had been waiting for the right time to tell Lena because she herself could not stand the feeling of guilt any longer, we still saw hints of Lena being hopeful that Kara would finally come clean but she didn’t, which frustrated Lena even more. It never came. Not until she finally decided to formulate a plan to expose Kara. Because those past weeks, the anger had been eating up Lena on the inside and she was dealing with these feelings of anger in an unhealthy way which was her attacking Kara in the VR world through Andrea’s tech. Kara finally came clean however, and explained her side, which was that she selfishly wanted to keep Lena in her life because she knew she had messed up and broke Lena’s trust as Supergirl but still had faith in Kara. Despite being taken aback, Lena used this to her advantage and feigned ignorance for weeks, testing Kara’s loyalty and using her for her plans, which eventually became something that involved Myriad. She planned to use Myriad to change the nature of humans, removing their ability to hurt people. When Kara caught Lena, Lena also finally came clean and revealed that she had known for weeks that Kara had lied to her for the entirety of their friendship, along with their other friends. This led to Lena leaving Kara trapped in the fortress, Alex almost killing Lena to stop her plans, but these plans were halted when the crisis happened and Lex tampered with history.

Flashforward to the 100th episode, Lena has agreed to work with Lex believing he would be a safer bet for her plans to succeed than Kara who would never see things her way and would only compromise her plans due to her attachment and emotions. After a few apologies, Kara still hasn’t had any luck trying to convince Lena and she receives a visit from Mxyzptlk who shows her the different outcomes of telling Lena her secret in different points in time. The show tries to tell us that there is no ideal time to tell her because they all end in disaster and the episode ends with Kara watching a tape of Lena and Lex and having the realization that she’s done apologizing and done trying to convince other people Lena’s not like Lex and “would treat Lena like a villain if she acts like one”. Her stance hasn’t changed until the most recent ep where, more than ever, Kara only sees Lena as a Luthor.

So that’s where we are the moment. Now, onto the issues.

Kara and Lena’s Problems With Each Other

Kara feels a sense of responsibility to the world and feel that the safety of the world rests on her shoulders so naturally, everything that gets in the way of that would be seen as a threat. She feels betrayed that not only did Lena not accept her apology, but she chose to side with her evil brother instead. This feeling continually built up with each passing moment that Lena stayed on that side despite her warning until it reached a point where Kara had turned a complete 180 regarding how she views Lena.

Lena, understandably so, still cannot forgive Kara for lying to her for 3 years, and having also been deceived by their other friends which left her thinking that not only did they not trust her, but they only saw her as a Luthor this whole time which she had even discussed with Sam in the 100th ep. They seem to just keep proving this, such as when Alex had approached her for help during the Crisis and seemed to suggest that she had to be convinced to save the world rather than thinking that Lena would immediately jump at the opportunity when that was all she had been doing this whole time. Saving people. Not once had she hesitated to help, even when she wasn’t on good terms with Supergirl. Kara, especially, who was her rock and emotional support, had deceived her and played the part of the supportive friend who would never hurt her and had always defended her reputation, convincing her and others that she is not like the rest of the Luthors, was, all along, the same person (Supergirl) who betrayed her trust, doubted her good intentions and called her a Luthor, convinced her boyfriend at the time to also betray her, only apologized when she was called out for it, and then proceeded to stay by her side in the guise of her loving best friend knowing full well Lena wouldn’t want Supergirl anywhere near her, let alone touch her, but Kara continued on, keeping her close, offering comfort, hugging her, even when she was still at odds with Supergirl who still at times doubted her that it had to take her brainwashed sister to knock some sense into her about Lena’s good intentions and finally get her to apologize for how she was treating Lena. Kara on more than two occasions used her last name as a personal attack against Lena, perfectly aware that this was a sensitive topic for Lena which she had only revealed to Kara. This would have hurt Lena even more after learning the truth.

Kara’s God Complex

The writers have always had a problem with continuity, we’re well aware of that. It’s evident in how messy the storylines and characterizations of their characters are, but there’s no character that has been butchered as much as Kara. They also keep going back and forth with her characterization especially when she’s Kara vs. when she’s Supergirl.

We knew Kara as a person who always saw the good in people which is why her relationship with Lena worked so well. Lena needed that person who would see past her last name, see her potential and always understand that, as Lex has said once, “She will always fall into the light”. Kara is that person for Lena so in turn, we see Lena believing in herself, always doing the right thing, helping others in any way she can despite others doubting her because it’s okay, Kara believes in her. Through Kara, Supergirl ended up being one of those people too, who Lena could trust and work with, but this went up in flames in Season 3. Supergirl’s image in Lena’s mind was ruined. Lena couldn’t understand why Supergirl believed she could dictate what was right and what was wrong. She even calls her out on her God Complex (it should be important to note this isn’t the first time a character has called her out on this). Supergirl has also done questionable things such as convincing James to trespass into Lena’s lab, she called out Lena for keeping secrets but at that point, hasn’t even considered she had already been lying to Lena for two years. We can say that Lena didn’t need to know Kara’s secret yet at that point, but when Lena had a personal issue with Supergirl, Kara should have come clean or just distanced herself from Lena and not continue on, staying close to Lena and pretending everything’s fine because she selfishly wanted Lena to stay in her life despite knowing Lena was hurt by Supergirl. She swept those problems under a rug. Not only that, but Lena has shown vulnerability with Kara, admitted her mistakes regarding Lex every time she was made a fool of (Seasons 4-5), but we don’t see the same amount of vulnerability from Kara, especially while in the suit.

Most recently, Lena found out about Kara using Myriad despite being told earlier that it cannot be used by anyone. Lena even offered her help with alternatives but Kara simply brushed her aside. This makes Lena realize that Kara hasn’t changed and calls her out for being “two-faced”. In the next ep, we see Kara has completely turned on Lena that even Alex is telling her they have no reason to doubt Lena yet. She is also angry at Lena suggesting she was a hypocrite, which, let’s be honest, she was. Kara can’t help being on a moral high ground.

Final Thoughts

We can blame the writing, but if this is what it is now, they’re still in a bad place. They will continue to do so until they can address the underlying issues. Lena won’t be able to forgive Kara fully until Kara can be vulnerable with Lena. Lena can’t put herself in Kara’s shoes if Lena doesn’t know the things Kara knows. There’s no denying that Lena had been problematic this season, with Project Non Nocere, Eve, Malefic, Lex, dealing with her pain in an unhealthy way but, Kara only gave up on her in the 100th ep because she felt helpless, defeated and betrayed. However, in Lena’s head, there were hundreds of times Kara could have come clean and she didn’t take any of those opportunities. We are still hearing “Luthor” from Kara and Lena is still the only one admitting any of her mistakes. As far as we know Kara has washed her hands clean. She also doesn’t consider Myriad to be a sore spot. No one from her ‘friends’ also stopped to consider Lena was once again being manipulated. Even Kara has stopped believing that.

I would hope that this season doesn’t end with them easily reconciling until they have addressed all their problems. Even then, it should take time because one episode is just too rushed. They need to unload all of their emotional baggage with each other until they can start fresh. This can’t be solved easily with favors and kind gestures, what they need is deep conversations and vulnerability from each other.

#supergirl #supercorp #sc #lena luthor #kara danvers

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mind-music-musical · 5 years

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General plot structure of my musical

Right so this is basically the plot outline i’ve come up with but ofc it’s subject to change as with most things related to this project.

So the plot is generally structured around the events of Dante’s Purgatorio but will be adapted to explore the themes I’ve laid out in previous posts (mental health, music, etc.). I’m planning for this to be a one act musical at about 70-80 mins because it’s meant to be a song cycle-type show, where the story is based around a list of songs meant to be listened in a specific order (think SiX and 35mm). Plus, I think 2 act musicals can be a little much for some people and shorter, minimalistic shows could resonate more with people who aren’t huge musical nerds/want to get into musicals more. Also, 2 act musicals tend to have a problem with pacing and fetter out near the end once there’s already a climax in the middle IMO.

I’ve planned for about 10 scenes with a song at the end of each scene. 7 of the 10 scenes would be structured around the 7 levels of purgatory and how they relate / can be adapted to Danny’s own personal issues.

scene 1- intro/ ante-purgatory

Here, Danny wakes up confused, meets Virginia who tells him that his soul is trapped and they must journey through his mind in order to resolve his psychological baggage in order for him to escape. Here he also meets the chorus which resembles his school’s choir that he’s part of as well as Beau, who manages to convince him to take on the journey.

(Beau re-appears at the end of each of the next 6 scenes to give Danny words of encouragement as a sort of Guardian angel figure before progressing with the story)

scene 2- pride

Virginia tells Danny to confront his constant need for validation from other people in order to affirm his confidence in all the parts of himself he’s secretly proud of and how this effects his inability to accept his flaws.

scene 3 - envy

Virginia probes Danny further about his insecurities and concludes that he has an inferiority complex, causing him to double down on his self-doubt when someone else out-performs him in something he thought he was good at.

scene 4 - wrath

Virginia tries to get to the bottom of Danny’s source of insecurity, trying to figure out why he craves external validation and constantly compares himself to other people. Danny starts talking about his relationship to his parents and we find out that they are a major source of why Danny is the way he is now. We learn that he could’ve gone to therapy ages ago and was suggested to get a diagnosis for depression and anxiety, but his parents wouldn’t allow this. Danny admits that he resents his parents and is angry at himself for even thinking that.

scene 5 - sloth

Throughout the previous scenes, it’s revealed that Danny cares a lot about music and singing and that not only is his singing ability one of his biggest insecurities, it’s something he’s been discouraged from doing by his parents. As a result of feeling defeated as well as his depression, he tells Virginia that he’s considering quitting the choir and giving up on his dreams entirely, stating that he’s lost motivation to do any of the things he loves. Virginia attempts to tell him to not accept defeat and that by giving up hope, he’s letting his problems win.

scene 6 - greed

Danny tells Virginia that ever since he lost motivation to pursue his love for music, he’s been obsessing over other interests that could not only bring him happiness and fulfilment but please his parents. It is revealed that he’s been investing an unhealthy amount of time into his schoolwork to the point of stress, causing him to break down every time he fails to meet his own standards of perfection. Virginia tries to tell him that he’s only setting himself up for failure and that success would not bring him happiness if he has to sacrifice all that he loves.

scene 7 - gluttonny

Here we learn that in order to cope with his stress, Danny has been drinking, smoking, and taking drugs. Virginia asks if he goes to parties and does that stuff there but he reveals that he has his sources. Danny says that socialising stresses him out even more so he does all of this in the comfort of his privacy. We learn that at one point Beau found out and tried to intervene, which eventually drove a wedge between the two of them (Beau is Danny’s best and only friend, idk if I mentioned that). Virginia tells Danny that not only is this stuff hurting himself, but the people who care about him, and that he should consider that.

scene 8 - lust

After Beau shows up at the end of the previous scene, he tells Danny that the next problem he must face is him. So a wall of fire appears in the Divine Comedy which I want to try and emulate here but that really depends on design and production whooomp. Virginia suggests to Danny that Beau’s significance in his journey could be the fact that he is a sort of focal point of Danny’s unresolved issues, which has ultimately led to Danny’s fear of intimacy. Danny craves Beau’s validation, but is envious of him. Danny is angry at himself for liking Beau because of how much it hurts and is slowly putting less energy into maintaining his friendship. He tries to distract himself with schoolwork and drinks + does drugs to try and numb his feelings. Ultimately, he’s trying to distance himself from Beau because he’s scared of hurting him and getting hurt in return. Virginia urges Danny to talk to Beau, who comforts him after Danny finishes his song for the scene.

scene 9 - paradise

Here, Virginia tells Danny that his soul is finally free and can move on. Danny asks what she means by ‘move on’ thinking that it means he can wake up from this whole ordeal. It is then revealed that Virginia was referring to the afterlife and that Danny had attempted suicide, which is why they’re here in the first place. Danny starts to remember the events leading up to him even being in purgatory in the first place and is now conflicted about moving on. Suddenly, Beau starts frantically calling out for Danny. We learn that this Beau isn’t the one who’s been following Danny throughout his journey, but the real world Beau, who’s trying to get Danny to wake up and stay with him. He sings a song to Danny, thinking that he’s finally dying.

scene 10 - the final choice

After listening to Beau’s song, Danny decides that he doesn’t want to die. Virginia tells him he doesn’t have to pass onto the afterlife if he doesn’t want to. He sings one final song and wakes up in the real world, alive.

Right so that twist in the end???? Not really much of a twist though cuz you’d assume that with purgatory and all death must be involved somehow. Anyway, I didn’t want the story to be just a different problem to face at each stage of purgatory but instead something that has continuity with what was previously explored...so let me explain this a little further

In the divine comedy we learn that the 7 levels of purgatory are split into three parts: corrupted love (pride, envy, wrath) a lack of love (sloth) and excessive love (greed, gluttony, lust). This is structured similarly in the story with Danny’s twisted perspective of himself explored in scenes 2-4, the effects this has on dreams and interests being explored in scene 5, and the way his lack of self-acceptance manifest as harmful obsessions in scenes 6-8.

Overall i’m quite happy with how i’ve structured the story. I know it seems extremely sad, especially near the end, but it’s also meant to be a comedy, but that is also dependant on how i write the characters. I want the story to be funny and heart-wrenching...but I don’t want it to be tragic. I want it to be hopeful, which is why Danny decides he’s going to live. It’s meant to symbolise a message of hope, that things will get better with help and self-care.

#musicals #new musical #new musical idea #six #35mm #plot #storyline #dante's divine comedy #purgatorio #Dante's Purgatorio #notebook

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snapehateaccount · 3 years

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I’ve made the very personal decision that Alex is not cis.

My two main reasons:

I’m emotionally attached to him and thus I project all of my problems onto him.

We have the same name (I chose mine when I realised no gender, maybe he did too).

#I also think this about Flynn and/or Carrie because I feel powerful #jatp #alex mercer #alex jatp #I’ve decided that no character I relate to is allowed to be cishet #originally it was just a sexuality based thing #now I crave gender #I look at a character and go #‘yeah that’s my gender’#and I immediately revoke their gender privileges #it’s called projecting an unhealthy amount onto comfort characters #jatp headcanons #I guess??#this is less a headcanon and more me just pretending it is canon so I can finally be happy

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septembersghost · 2 years

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Same anon. Just wanted to say I understand why you don't want to post my asks. I have stopped posting anything about spn/prequel/jensen because the fandom is very toxic. I was harassed, was told to kms during a time when I was going through a loss IRL. All over a ship(you can guess). I can only imagine how much hate I'll get if I say anything now. It's not worth it. I still love Dean so I'll be here lurking but that'll be the extent of my engagement.

i am posting this one because it makes me so angry and hurt knowing this kind of bullying goes on (and i've been bullied by completely different warring factions of the fandom, so...ugh i hear you. lmao have you truly lived in this fandom until you've been told to d-word by one set of shippers and called a delusional loser by the others? also the person who kept sending me hate messages specifically about how worthless dean was...i can only shake my head). it's a difficult line to tread - i think people should enjoy stories and participate in fandom however they like as LONG as it does not cross the lines into cruelty/harassment/various prejudices/etc - this is supposed to be FUN, but unfortunately (and this is not at all limited to spn, though we seem to deal with some extreme cases of it) fandom gets into in-fighting and can become a real stew of toxicity, and it is not okay. it's like people sometimes forget that other fans are human beings too, and while we love characters and stories and they resonate personally and uniquely, and that's why we hold them so dear, it is NEVER acceptable to harm others for the sake of fiction. that is like the exact antithesis of the point of art, which is supposed to make us think and feel and challenge and enrich us.

i am so sorry for the loss you experienced in real life. you didn't deserve to have that pain made worse, and you don't deserve to have something that means a lot to you diminished.

people sending hate over the actors is also ridiculous and uncalled for, fans need to learn how to separate those emotions out and how to address (be it positively or critically. you are allowed to support someone, you're also allowed to be frustrated/disappointed) those topics without coming after others for sharing opinions. i've mentioned many times that i don't like the term "parasocial" because i believe it's often misused, but when you cross the line into sending people death threats over different thoughts on a show or an actor, it is severely unhealthy. there's an unfortunate amount of almost...entitlement and projection?...towards the actors in our fandom, and i really wish everyone could take a step back from that and assess it.

it really does make my heart hurt that the love we've felt and shared together is an ongoing process of grief for many, and that aspects of it are souring. talking about this with a friend now, and resentment is a much more difficult thing to grapple with in ways than grief itself (what is grief if not love persevering, right? but resentment is bitter and harder to heal).

i used to enjoy writing and sharing thoughts and emotions about the story very much, and i've retreated from doing that or even posting as much spn in general because the fandom has been such a mess lately. i never felt like i had to silence myself (it's a wild feeling since i have been here forever!) before, but now i'm wary of even just sharing observations/passionate thoughts because i've gotten such cruel messages about it asdkljgf. i get why it's easier to lurk or just quietly reblog things than engage very directly. i wish i could make it better. i wish it didn't have to hurt anyone.

that said, you never have to give up your love for dean, and i hope you can find even more of the spark and comfort of it again with time. he's always with us, i know that. love for him is such an ingrained part of me that the most solace i've had is in remembering that it's formative and true and everlasting. i hope you hold onto it however you can. <3

#anonymous #letterbox #i am hugging you again rn #spn for ts

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agnesgoesadventuring-blog · 6 years

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Some people are very transparent with how they claim they're upset/angry for righteous moral reasons, but then when you analyze their arguments & how weak they often are, their anger really seems to be more about 'something bad happened to a character i like and this is how i'm expressing my emotions' or 'you have valid criticism of a ship i like but i'm uncomfortable with being criticized so i'm gonna try and find any way i can to dismiss your criticism & retain the moral high ground'

There are so many reasons that people lash out like that when things they like are criticized or when people disagree with them

Sometimes people reach a point where they overidentify with a character, a ship, or a group that they take a criticism of any of those things, or even just someone not liking it, as a personal insult. When that happens, when you're taking someone saying "there's this thing about a ship that's a problem" or "I don't like this ship" as thought it's a personal insult or attack against you, then you've reached a point where your level of investment and identification with a character has become incredibly unhealthy.

As I've discussed before, some people are not comfortable with the idea of subjective feelings and opinions, and they feel as though they have to somehow justify or prove that their feelings are factually and/or morally correct. That's not a very healthy attitude, as it usually comes from a person not having much confidence in the things they think and feel and being under the impression that their feelings aren't valid unless they can be proven to be factually correct.

That desperate need to make their feelings and opinions out to be objective and the way people react so badly to having people disagree with them or feel differently about something, or take disagreement as a personal attack tend to come from that very similar place.

It's sad, because accepting and recognizing that some of the things you feel are subjective and don't have to be based in moral or factual rightness is so freeing, to just be able to recognize that liking or not liking something can be perfectly valid even when it's not based on some kind of objective assessment.

Ultimately the arguments spun together by the people who aren't able to do that end up falling apart pretty quickly because they ARE based purely on subjective feeling and there's nothing objective that they're based on. They're either going to be based on completely twisting peoples' words around, taking things out of context, projecting their own stuff onto characters, stories, and other people's words, etc.. And when those arguments do fall apart, it becomes clear that they don't have anything to really support what they're trying to present as facts, because their feelings on the matter are entirely subjective.

And it's totally fine for feelings and opinions (in some cases) and preferences to be entirely subjective. Everything we like, the way we interpret the stories we watch, the things we're drawn to, those are all formed by our personal experiences. Everyone in the world has such different and unique experiences in life that no two people are going to like all of the same things. Those preferences are subjective, developed by our unique and personal life experience, and those feelings and preferences are completely valid. Recognizing that and allowing yourself to just like things or not like things without some kind of justification, being able to accept that you can subjectively like things while acknowledging objective problems with it, and not feel as though you have to disprove everyone who doesn't like what you like or who like things you don't like are all incredibly freeing, and that's a healthy way to live. What isn't healthy is taking those subjective feelings and preferences and trying to turn them into objective fact, resorting to twisting people's words, projecting, and hurting other people so that you can justify those subject feelings as "right" and "correct".

And then of course there are just the people who are so unable to admit when they've done something wrong, to think about the way their actions effect others and take responsibility for what the do that they resort to those same tactics to try to either make themselves look right or the person calling them out look wrong. The things the human brain will do to try to rationalize and justify things so as to keep the mindset of "I'm always right" can be pretty amazing. It's something nobody is immune to, but being aware of the fact that we are sometimes wrong and that our brain will try to maintain the internal narrative that we're always right can be incredibly effective in being able to push past that mindset and that mental defense. But being that aware requires a certain amount of security and confidence in in your feelings and opinions, an awareness of when your feelings are subjective, and an openness to listening to criticism. Basically, it requires at least a relatively healthy mindset and behaviors, and unfortunately, a lot of people don't have those things.

#mymetas #Anonymous

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preserving-ferretbrain · 5 years

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Educating Vitae

by Shim

Monday, 18 January 2016

In which choices are explored, people do things they know to be bad, blood is unhelpfully like sex, and there are altogether too many types of vampire.~

I must apologise firstly for the title, and secondly for not incorporating any song titles from Meat Loaf into this article. I already spent too long writing it.

So, only six years late, I finally finished reading Vampire Academy.

It’s quite fun. I originally wrote "really fun", but reflection on the social plot has made me a bit less enthusiastic.

The following will contain enormous amounts of spoilers, including big plot-type revelations. I should also point out that the book includes self-harm, and I will briefly mention it but not go into detail.

On Protagonists and Viewpoints

So the book is a little ambiguous about its nature. Let me cite some of the back blurb here.

Lissa Dragomir is a mortal vampire. She must be protected at all times from the fiercest and most dangerous vampires of all - the ones who will never die. Rose Hathaway is Lissa's best friend - and her bodyguard. Now, after two years of illicit freedom, they've been dragged back inside the iron gates of St. Vladimir's Academy. The girls must survive a world of forbidden romances, a ruthless social scene and terrifying night-time rituals. But above all, they must never let their guard down, lest the immortal vampires take Lissa - forever...

Huh. I don’t think I’ve seen a single night-time ritual. How misleading.

But never mind that! The point is, in this blurb and the early stages of the book, it’s not entirely clear who’s the protagonist (as discussed originally in

The Text Factor: Halloween Special: Girl Books for Girls

). The description kicks off with Lissa, and she’s the vampire, and the one affected by most of the weird events of the book. However, our viewpoint character is always Rose.

I wondered for a while whether this was going to be a dual-protagonist book with a single viewpoint character; due to blood bond shenanigans, Rose sporadically ends up in Lissa’s mind, which is a handy way to convey key information. That would have been interesting.

As the story progressed, though, I increasingly got the feeling that Lissa is more of a plot point (albeit a nicely characterised one) than a protagonist in her own right. Her early interactions with Christian, and her special status, suggest that her experiences might be the main focus of the book, with Rose there for support, observation and a bit of romance on the side. However, it soon becomes clear that Rose’s experiences are going to be much more narratively important than Lissa’s.

Introduction to the Vampire

There’s quite a lot of vampire stuff to introduce, especially for those of us not familiar with it. I’ve not idea how closely it fits folklorific ideas of vampires. However, the broad-strokes picture we get of how vampire society works seems to fit together in its own rather bizarre way. The relationship between moroi

[1]

, dhampir

[2]

and humans is clearly unhealthy, particularly their utterly hypocritical view of the people they depend on for blood.

However, Mead is careful to weave in some explanations for this. Not only are the ‘feeders’ providing food, which tends to dehumanise them; they do so willingly and eagerly, because of the intoxicating nature of vampiric saliva, making them into addicts. Society doesn’t respect addicts, so it’s easier to accept this situation. Moreover, Rose calls out the hypocrisy in the situation explicitly, while still allowing shades of it to slip into her own attitudes and words. Knowing something’s morally dubious isn’t an easy route to resolving it, after all.

They were well cared for and given all the comforts they could need. But at the heart of it, they were drug users, addicts to Moroi saliva and the rush it offered with each bite. The Moroi - and guardians - looked down on this dependency, even though the Moroi couldn't have survived otherwise unless they took blood by force. Hypocrisy at its finest.

This trait of allowing grey complexities into Rose’s voice is one of the things that pleased me about the book. Rose is quite perceptive about wrongs, injustices and ambiguities, but Mead hasn’t written her as some righteous, crusading heroine. In fact, the book is riddled with her weaknesses. You might even argue that one of the themes of the book (and, I suspect, the series) is morality, boundaries of acceptability, and the strength and opportunity to make moral choices. Let’s see if I can make a case for that.

Choices and Morality

One of the first things that happens in the book is a feeding; Rose’s vampire, Lissa, needs blood from her. This introduces the intoxication aspect, but it’s only later that we learn how unacceptable – dirty, perverted, unthinkable – this is in vampire society. However, it’s a decision they made to keep Lissa alive, and one that’s left Rose with a mild addiction.

Soon after they return to school, Rose walks into a classroom to find two high-status kids tormenting a poor kid, magically blowing his papers around the room. In many books this would be a teaching point, where Rose or Lissa stepped in to deliver justice and demonstrate their righteousness. Here, nobody does a thing.

My instincts urged me to do something, maybe go smack one of the air users. But I couldn’t pick a fight with everyone who annoyed me, and certainly not a group of royals – especially when Lissa needed to stay off their radar. So I could only give them a look of disgust as I walked to my desk.

And then the narrative moves on to another part of the plot. Although Lissa is technically high-status, and both were once socially powerful, the school has moved on in their absence. Now, the rumours about their escape – and soon about a series of associated events – greatly complicate their attempts to blend back in.

Similarly, Rose frequently does things that aren’t particularly nice, or good, or sensible. As the story is told from her viewpoint, we even hear her acknowledging these issues. She still does them, though. It’s very human.

Some tiny, tiny part of me was starting to feel sorry for Christian. It was only a tiny part, though, and very easy to ignore...

And later on:

"...between stealing [her boyfriend] and spreading those stories about her parents, you guys really picked the best ways to make her suffer. Nice work." The smallest pang of guilt lurched inside of her. "I still think you're lying." "I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a lair. That's your department. And Rose's." "We don't-" "Exaggerate stories about people's families? Say that you hate me? Pretend to be friends with people you think are stupid? Date a guy you don't like?"

All of the above accusations are, of course, entirely accurate.

A feud erupts between Rose, Lissa and another girl called Mia, apparently at Mia’s instigation. Still, both sides are determined to utterly crush their rival and exact painful revenge, which means immense suffering for both parties as their most private secrets are turned into playground gossip by the other side. It’s mutually-assured destruction, basically.

Another important decision involves Lissa’s vampiric powers. We learn early on that Lissa has some compulsion abilities, and gradually discover that she can influence both humans and vampires, which is highly unusual. When their social standing is destroyed by revelations of blood sharing, a furious Lissa resolves to use those abilities to forcibly change people’s opinions of them, catching them one by one and altering their feelings by magic. This does indeed allow them to gradually regain acceptability in the school, but Rose is deeply uncomfortable about it, with good reason.

Finally, there’s Natalie. Poor Natalie.

Natalie is the daughter of a powerful vampire, Dashikov, and she just wants to be loved. Throughout the book, she seeks social validation, but it’s made clear that above all, she wants her father’s affection, and doesn’t quite get enough. This poisonous little worm is enough to turn her into a pawn for him, and his total carelessness about her really reinforced how unpleasant he is. From spying on her friends for his sake, she’s eventually pushed into leaving mutilated animals around in an attempt to make Lissa reveal her healing powers.

Finally, when her father is captured, she takes the ultimate step of becoming a Strigoi, murdering one of the teachers to gain the power to break him out. It fails, and her death is another trivial loss in his quest for power. Once again, out come those Themes I mentioned.

Natalie breaks the bounds of friendship in the hopes of winning validation from her father, and what she’s prepared to do for his sake pushes her into the final betrayal of her friends and her entire species. Although apparently happy, she doesn’t have the willpower to withstand his influence and refrain from doing wrong on his behalf. Dashikov betrayed his duties as a father by turning Natalie into a pawn for his own sake, and manipulating her love to force her into immoral acts. This contrasts with Dimitri, who as a child defeated his vampiric father to defend his mother, and now bursts in to help Rose defeat her one-time friend.

Although Natalie was only ever a minor character, looking back, you can see hints of what’s going on in the way she casually teases out information and hangs around Lissa. I did feel genuinely sorry for her, and I was sorry to see she just got killed off at the climax. On the other hand, stories where the bad guys just hang around indefinitely can drag.

Knowing what’s best for you

It strikes me that throughout the book, I don’t think Lissa ever actually asks Rose for anything. Partly this is perhaps just habitual expectation that Rose will be there, but I feel that part of it is that Rose projects her own ideas about what Lissa needs onto her charge. The mental bond that lets her literally see through Lissa’s eyes and experience her thoughts surely doesn’t help. We never see Lissa’s side at first hand.

This is shown up most flagrantly when she intervenes to block what she sees as an unhealthy friendship blooming between high-status Lissa and the local brooding loner, Christian, whose parents were killed after going rogue and hunting other vampires. Lissa finds his company soothing and there’s a sympathetic spark between them.

Rose, who is unusually bound up in social games for a contemporary heroine, is horrified at the thought of Lissa associating with this outcast, and repeatedly takes her to task. Between her prejudice and his rather erratic behaviour, things spiral until Rose intervenes, actively lying to Christian to separate them. Naturally, both Lissa and Christian think the other party has wronged them, and things become progressively worse. She does become guilty, though, and eventually she’s forced to admit that she was in the wrong.

Nonetheless, Lissa’s story throughout the book is one of having her best interests decided and controlled by other people. Her escape from the school turns out to have been at Rose’s instigation and with no warning; they’re forcibly returned to the school; Rose patrols her friendships and tries to dictate her social interactions; and eventually, Dashikov steps in to capture her in the hopes of curing his terminal illness. Even this he tries to frame as being good for her, providing an escape from the problems caused by her unique magical abilities.

The problems are, essentially, mental illness. For some reason not yet explained, Lissa's abilities not only lead to her mental bond with Rose, but also to extremely distressing mental episodes. Her coping mechanism for this is the self-harm I mentioned above, and there are a couple of explicit scenes, including first-person perspective courtesy of Rose's bond. Her eventual hospitalisation after a particularly bad episode causes yet more social waves, but also kicks us over from the social plot to the Dashikov plot that seems likely to be the overarching arc of the series.

Interestingly, I don’t think Christian ever does this. One of the things that seems to make him a suitable friend is that he’s fully prepared to leave Lissa alone. In their first encounter he simply extends a tenuous offer of conversation, making no attempt to force it, and he gives her plenty of space. When Rose tells him that Lissa doesn’t actually want him around, he immediately pulls back (causing both plenty of grief).

He does approximately set someone on fire to end a spiteful conversation about Lissa and Rose, but in fairness it’s purely a distraction and he doesn’t really get a chance to ask whether they’d like any help. Although he also clearly thinks it’s really funny. It's sort of reminiscent of the earlier scene with the boy being bullied, only this time the observer does decide to step in and face the consequences.

Since neither Jacob nor Ralf would have set Ralf on fire, it sort of made the culprit obvious. The fact that Christian was laughing hysterically sort of gave it away too.

Coming back to my point, though, I do think his willingness to just let her be herself – tied in to his own solitude and need to just be himself – is a strong point in his favour. When he realises she’s been self-harming, he twigs immediately, says nothing, and just exudes a kind of supportiveness that Lissa finds very comforting. He’s also smart enough to realise she’s been mesmerising everyone to restore their social standing, which is another point in his favour. Admittedly, he thinks it’s hot, rather than an alarming abuse of a power she shouldn’t even have, but then he is a teenager, and she is canonically doing nothing harmful with it, so the narrative’s always going to be on her side.

What I’m saying is, basically, I liked Christian as a character. I thought he was a well-constructed love interest, even though we mostly only see him in brief glimpses through Lissa’s eyes, as he doesn’t let his guard down as much around Rose. To some extent he comes across as the conscience of the story, reminding Rose and Lissa of their moral failings.

In fact (if I can be astonishingly pseud for a moment) you could almost posit him as a jester; his outsider status, total lack of social power and uncaring badass lonerism means he can speak truth to power (and set people on fire) with impunity, having very little to lose. He's also positioned to observe the other students without much personal involvement, and thus to comment on them.

I found Dimitri appealing as well. Mead did a good job of building the connections between him and Rose – they have similar mindsets, a strong sense of dedication, they feel somewhat isolated, and they’re very physical people. In both cases, they bring an outsider perspective that gives rise to mild contempt for some aspects of vampiric society; a sort of flipside to Christian's status as scion of a family fallen to the strigoi.

Yet they’re not entirely the same. There are clear differences in upbringing: she was raised by the school and indoctrinated from birth to become a model guardian like her mother; he was raised in a tight-knit community of blood-donors. Age also creates a distinction: I can see Rose eventually maturing into a more measured person, though probably still less reserved than Dimitri.

The older lover thing is a trope, and being a trope it isn’t quite as problematic as a 17-24 relationship would seem to me in real life. Rose has also been surviving in the real world for two years, so she’s a bit more savvy than her years. I was pleased that Dimitri, and to some extent Rose, recognised and tried to deal with these issues. As well as the simple age barrier, school rules, and his pastoral responsibility towards her, there are some professional complications.

One odd observation: given how Dimitri is presented as a consummate professional, he completely misses a massive and glaring clue that something suspicious is going on, and the narrative skips right over it.

"Well, it was a hell of a lot better than the last one they tried" "Last one?" "Yeah. In Chicago. With the pack of psi-hounds." "This was the first time we found you. In Portland." "Um. I don't think I imagined psi-hounds. Who else could have sent them? They only answer to moroi. Maybe no-one told you about it." "Maybe," he said dismissively. I could tell by his face he didn't believe that.

It's not very clear to me whether this is supposed to mean "he decided Rose was making it up" or "he was deeply suspicious and pretending not to be". Either way, nothing seems to suggest that anyone actually follows up on this obviously suspicious point, even though it ties strongly into the conclusion of the story.

Changing Minds

It’s maybe worth noting that this offers one of the more accurate portrayals of manipulation and social dynamics I remember seeing. Everyone involved is aware that what they’re dealing with is say-so, rumour and gossip, and quite harmful gossip at that, but they nevertheless either spread it or at least allow it to influence their behaviour. First Lissa, and then Rose, know the other’s desire for revenge is excessive, but they don’t seriously intervene and eventually both are committed to destroying Mia (we never get to see Mia’s side, sadly).

This isn’t just about bitchy girls, either. The boys in the story don’t come out too well. Several are happy to spread damaging lies about girls to get some attention, or even to be bribed with sex. There’s petty bullying, and Lissa and Rose are regularly targets of leering remarks and speculation on their relationship. Even the nicer named boys, Mason and Christian, are hot-tempered and use violence to defend Rose and Lissa from bullying. Only Dimitri, Rose’s smoking-hot combat instructor, escapes most of this – and as a 24-year old, he’s presumably matured more than the others, though he does have one aggressive confrontation with a student.

The school principal is interesting in the little we see of her. Rose views her quite clearly as despotic and arbitrary, but I don’t think the text quite supports that. She is quite harsh with Rose and Lissa, but then she has very good reason: they have committed a serious breach of rules by running away for two full years, causing enormous trouble and worry for a lot of other people. They also appear to be habitual troublemakers (lots of illegal parties and midnight escapades) and smashed up another student’s bedroom before leaving. Of course she’s going to be strict.

Moreover, this isn’t just normal school strictness; the vampires face the very real threat of strigoi hunting them down. In the absence of a very good explanation, which the girls don’t dare to give, severe punishment is inevitable and appropriate. She does intend to expel Rose before Dimitri intervenes, but then again, she’s prepared to change her mind when he agrees to take her in hand. I thought she was pretty well-done as a character.

Social Protagonists

On that social games point – my observation (from an admittedly limited subset of reading) is that the majority of protagonists in contemporary literature, particularly literature aimed at younger people, don’t really dabble in social politics. Many are bookish nerds, particularly on the more fantastical end of the literary spectrum. Many others are simply everyteenagers; they’re averagely attractive (at least in theory), averagely clever, have an average number of friends, and so on. I can only remember seeing high-status people in more literary books, or that high-society flavour of romance a la Jilly Cooper. Historical novels seem much readier to star nobles and the socially-influential, possibly because those are the bits of history that sound most fun.

As such, it was interesting to see a story whose protagonists were enthusiastic participants in the social scene. I was a little disappointed to realise that that was going to be strictly past tense; I suppose it does make sense for things to have changed in their absence, including their own feelings. Mostly, though, I imagine the narrative called for them to have to make new friends and not have very much support, because most of this volume is about that social uncertainty, and how it leaves them vulnerable.

Oh Sole Mia

Mia was actually the aspect of the book that I thought was weakest. I liked the fact that there was an apparently-arbitrary rivalry between these girls, and was quite sympathetic to Mia. Truth be told, I still am. We learn that her family are very low-status and she’s managed to work her way into more influential circles – another example of boundary-crossing, as this seems to be viewed in much the same way as social climbing in 1950s Britain, but seems quite reasonable to me.

Later it’s revealed that the reason for the feud is her appalling treatment by Lissa’s deceased brother, which Lissa is naturally reluctant to believe (as quoted above). Again, the brother made bad choices and harmed Mia both personally and socially in the process. However, Lissa loved and had faith in her brother, and it's difficult for her to accept that he was not only in the wrong, but actively wronged someone else. The fact that she's currently in a serious feud with Mia naturally makes that even harder.

I felt like both sides were being realistically angry and vindictive, but both were also understandable and sympathetic in their motivations. Although Mia technically starts the feud, she's clearly on the defensive from the start, responding to what seems an invasion of her social territory from someone she hates both as a royal and as the sister of her horrible ex.

Later on, though, the authorial voice turns violently against Mia. She becomes increasingly desperate in the face of the nobility closing ranks against her (which is quite understandable), and resorts to trying to get Rose’s help after a fall-out between her and Lissa. This is a sort of unpardonable sin in narrative terms, trying to create a betrayal between friends, and she’s quite explicitly painted as dangerous and ruthless. Of course, this is all in Rose’s voice, but it also felt fairly clear that this was the reality.

Worse is to come, though; it turns out that Mia spread rumours by offering sexual favours to a couple of bragging lads, while in a steady relationship with someone she’s apparently devoted to. This is the point where the narrative switches from nasty-but-somewhat-understandable to, it seemed to me, depicting her as genuinely obsessive and (in Rose’s words) “well into sociopath territory”. It’s not the actions specifically, so much as how far she’s willing to push boundaries in pursuit of revenge. Rose, on the other hand, is the Sexy Spice half of the Rose-Lissa pair, but the text is careful to emphasise early on that she hasn’t had sex, despite all the kissing and “semi-nakedness” that’s brought up regularly.

The problem is, though, that this leaves us with an antagonist who is flat-chested (highlighted very early on), short, relatively unpopular (until she started dating Lissa’s royal ex, apparently), working-class, and promiscuous, who is also portrayed as nasty and sociopathic. I feel like the conflation of those things is a bit unnecessary – I’d rather hoped to see the end of Bad Common Girl when I stopped reading Enid Blyton. She’s left to contrast with a conventionally-attractive, athletic, popular, high-status party-girl heroine who’s conveniently balanced between “sexy” and “virgin”.

This increasing vilification of Mia helpfully means that Rose and Lissa never have to really reconsider their own actions or question their consciences. In fact, the final flare of this plot in the book involves Mia making yet more bitchy remarks while Lissa is in hospital, and Rose punching her in the face. The uberplot kicks off while she's under lock and key, awaiting punishment. Narratively, Mia is placed firmly in the wrong, and I think that's a shame.

Weirdly, in some ways I actually felt more sympathetic to Mia than to Rose. She’s got plenty of issues, but she had been very badly treated by Lissa’s brother, and had fought had to overcome the major social disadvantages of her background in a prejudiced society, only to have that stripped away by the sudden return of Lissa and Rose.

To a large extent I also felt she was treated badly by the narrative, with Mead making an apparently conscious decision to make her a nasty piece of work and piling sexual condemnation on top of that. I’d have liked to see an antagonist who was just someone whose interests constantly clash with the protagonist, and I feel that would have worked well, given how Rose is constantly presented as flawed.

The Sex Talk

Awkwardly, I think the book is framing a lot of the social stuff around sex. I don’t know much about the sociology or literary issues here, so apologies for the aspects I will undoubtedly miss. Essentially, there’s a slightly weird thing where blood is sometimes a sort of metaphor for sex, except there’s also sex. You know?

People who provide blood to vampires are popularly called “blood whores”, which seems to be completely acceptable terminology – the only alternative, “feeders”, isn’t much better. I’m a bit surprised there doesn’t seem to be a single official or neutral term in use, even if teenagers don’t use it. The characters conflate these with the dhampir communities who raise children, creating an impression that non-guardian dhampirs (mostly women) are basically just sources of blood or sex or both for moroi. It’s not entirely clear how accurate this is in the setting.

The entire blood-sharing issue, which is the cause of Lissa and Rose’s fall from grace, is explicitly depicted as both “dirty” and strongly associated with kinky sex. The rumours spread about them claim that Rose has been sleeping around while allowing vampire boys to drink her blood - which is, predictably, treated as only being icky on her side, because sexism.

I mean, it makes some sense. I can see that in a world where “people you feed on” is an actual thing, then taboos would quite likely arise on also having sex with those people, and that all sorts of baggage would build around this.

The awkwardness here is that half their social redemption comes from proving (well, getting those same accusers to declare) that it’s all lies and Rose never actually had sex with anybody, let alone allowed them to drink her blood (the issue of Lissa is allowed to drop). The second half comes from revealing that, while Rose hasn’t been having sex, Mia has, which makes her the slutty one, so ner ner na ner ner. More or less.

It’s all fairly believable behaviour-wise... no, wait. The responses of the teenagers to these various bits of gossip and scandal are sadly believable, though Mia’s behaviour specifically was pretty hard to credit as plausible. At the same time I found it uncomfortable, because these attitudes were also bundled with Mia being quite clearly the spiteful antagonist and also presented as somewhat unstable, and the fact that she specifically uses sex as a lever to get boys to lie on her behalf.

Broadly speaking, you end up with a situation where Our Heroine is vindicated and approved because she wasn’t having sex, whereas Our Antagonist is condemned because she was having sex. This is, bizarrely, true even though Rose and Lissa actually were doing the blood-sharing that’s the biggest part of the taboo, whereas Mia just had sex.

It’s also a bit strange that as far as I can tell, the two boys who spread vicious lies about Rose in exchange for sex are perfectly happy to admit it and don’t seem to expect any consequences. Sexual mores are messed up, but in my experience flagrant lying tends to cause social backlash – and more so considering that the targets of the lies, Lissa and Rose, were social bigshots whose popularity is now restored. As far as I can tell, they agree to come clean under threats from one of Rose’s friends, but I didn’t find it entirely convincing. It felt a bit like the writer just needed to wrap this arc up now to start introducing the series plot.

It wasn’t a huge problem for me or anything, but this Rose-vs-Mia arc is the biggest arc of the book (it’s a series, so the main plot only just gets a look in), so it seemed a shame it had this awkward aspect to it. I feel like just dropping the sex aspect and having the scandal built purely around blood-sharing would have been both neater and stronger, as well as less problematic. As it was I didn’t feel like this arc was very well written.

The end bit

I feel like I should have some kind of conclusion here, but I don't really. I'm not sure whether I'll read any more of the series; I thought some of what it was doing was quite interesting, but I've noticed how much hmming and hawing I'm doing here, especially over poor Mia. The fact that I'm even thinking "poor Mia" is perhaps an indication that this series isn't for me.

I must also confess that I've got limited tolerance for plots along the lines of "you alone have the one special magic long thought lost or legendary, which will be the key to saving the universe".

On the other hand, I liked the bits of it that weren't about Mia, and maybe with the uberplot kicking off, that won't be much of an issue? I dunno. I've got plenty more to read right now. But perhaps, as with

Fallen

, now that I've worked out what the series is doing I've got what I need.

[1]

“Vampires” who are, as far as I can tell, essentially human wizards who drink blood but not in a bad way you guys, and also don’t like sunlight. They don’t seem to be superhuman other than some elemental magic.

[2]

Half-vampires who are basically Buffy as far as I can tell, but get brought up to be fanatically loyal to their vampiric masters and dedicate themselves to either protecting moroi from attack by the strigoi

[3]

, or being “blood whores” because… why not, as far as I can tell. Maybe it’s hard to get social security numbers when your parent was a vampire? Your dad, I mean. Dhampirs are basically all the bastard offspring of horny male moroi who wanted to get some curvy human female action, because moroi are always pale, thin and flat-chested.

Canonically, the dhampirs do all this to ensure the survival of their species, which is to say, their hybrid. Given the reality of dhampir life, I’m not sure why. Basically this seems to boil down to accepting a brutal life of either dedicating yourself to being elite bodyguards for feeble moroi and under constant risk of death, or being junkie blood sources for moroi and at constant risk of abuse, or breeding the next generation of dhampirs – in order to ensure that you can have descendants who have the same kind of lives.)

[3]

Vampires who are canonically evil because they kill their victims, although I get the feeling they’re mostly bad because they feed on moroi specifically to be honest. Also their bite turns people into more strigoi. They’re presented as being incarnations of predatory evil, but from the one strigoi we meet in the book, they come across as a mixture of Character In Goth Makeup and

Character In Evil Voice

. Basically these seem to be the Buffy Vampires of the setting – basically just like they always were, except faster, stronger, more metal, cooler and probably sexier.Themes:

Books

Young Adult / Children

Horror

Text Factor Halloween Special

Romance

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Bill

at 17:25 on 2016-01-18

The girls must survive a world of forbidden romances, a ruthless social scene and terrifying night-time rituals. But above all, they must never let their guard down, lest the immortal vampires take Lissa - forever...

Two out of three ain't bad

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Shim

at 18:31 on 2016-01-18

Two out of three ain't bad

I... how did I miss that? *facepalm*

Also I just realised this cover is different to mine (probably the US edition?) and although it's the exact same photo, mine is very pale with black hair and red lips (classically vampiric), whereas the above is pinkish with... brown hair, I think?

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Robinson L

at 15:00 on 2016-05-24I checked this one and its sequels out, along with

Fallen

and

The Morganville Vampires

after the TeXt Factor Halloween special. I read the final book, book 6, a year or two ago, and I recently started listening to the spin-off

Bloodlines

series on audiobook. So, I obviously liked it—quite fun on the whole, with occasional forays into really fun. I'd put the series somewhere above

Fallen

, but below

The Morganville Vampires

in terms of my enjoyment/appreciation.

(I also encouraged one of my sisters to read the first book, and while she enjoyed it, she loathed Lissa and all the Moroi, because she considered them useless in their dependence upon the dhampir guardians.)

I broadly agree with your case for the themes the book explores, and I'd definitely say it carries over to the rest of the series—and the first two spin-off books, at least. Interestingly enough, despite dealing with these fairly weighty issues in a moderately intelligent manner, the books still come across to me as light beach reading; I still haven't worked out whether I think that works towards their favor or against it.

Book 2—where my sister bailed on the series—is a downgrade in quality from the first, as there's less stuff going on through most of it. However, it rallies at the end with an exciting climax, and one which redress one of my major disappointments with the climax to the first.

Book 3 is a return to form, and a solid addition to the series.

Book 4 is, in my opinion, the best of the lot: here we see Rose's internal struggle at its most intense, and Rose herself at her very lowest point in the series. I said the books feel like beach reading, but there was a point about two thirds of the way through the fourth book which got me right in the heart, and I was impressed with the depth of emotional reaction Mead managed to evoke. Plus, the Lissa subplot was pretty cool, and the resolution was both awesome and unexpected.

Book 5 like Book 3, is a really solid addition to the series, though it feels like a bit of a downgrade coming off the high of Book 4. Still, it's got a lot going for it, and while the big plot points themselves aren't to surprising, I wasn't expecting when or how they would play out.

Book 6 was a little disappointing, not because it did anything really bad, just that it wasn't quite as exciting as I would have liked from the final installment. While I like that the climax doesn't revolve around a big fight with an Arc Villain for the series, I could have done with something a

little

more epic. Plus, the villain turned out to be a very likable character I'd pegged early on as being either a villain or a victim, because they didn't fit into any other story slot. Just when I was beginning to think this was just a cool supporting character, it's revealed that person was a villain after all. Sigh.

I agree with you about Natalie, poor thing.

As I recall, the school principal is, indeed, a strict but ultimately reasonable authority figure throughout the series, whom Rose misreads because Rose's and Lissa's behavior often brings out the “strict” part of her character. Actually, that's a bit of a running theme in the series.

From what I remember of the first book, Mia does degenerate from understandable antagonist to Designated Villain, part of which involves her engaging in sex to influence someone else's behavior—rather than for love, in contrast to both Rose and Lissa* over the course of the books—and that's not good. It's probably no big spoiler to reveal that Mia is rehabilitated later in the series, but as I recall, it's a case of a reformed villain rather than both sides admitting they shared the blame equally.

*I think Lissa slept with her then-boyfriend—Mia's current boyfriend—before the events of the book because she was young and horny, which is still more “legitimate” than sleeping with someone because so they'll help you out in your evil scheme.

I also felt like the series as a whole has a disappointing lack of follow-through regarding some of the more unpleasant aspects of Moroi society. The hypocrisy over feeders (I think that

the common parlance “neutral” term) is brought up at times, but nobody ever really tries to do anything to resolve it, so the overall message comes across as a helpless shrug, “too bad, what'cha gonna do?”

Furthermore, the books never really acknowledge how immensely f*cking scary the Moroi's compulsion magic is, and how, in a more realistic universe, even well meaning people like Lissa would probably wind up using it for much more destructive purposes than undermining their rivals' popularity; kind of like a miniature version of the One Ring. (One character in the

Bloodlines

novels is suitably freaked by it, but this is explicitly depicted as part of their irrational distrust of Moroi and magic in general. Not once so far have we seen how easily compulsion could be abused to disastrous effect. I know Robert Jordan had a lot of flaws as a writer, but his characters knew to treat that kind of power with the respect and suspicion it deserves.)

The Moroi's institutional aristocracy and monarchy (even if it's a constitutional monarchy) also strikes me as pretty disturbing, but no one even suggests there might be something wrong with that one.

I think Mead does a better job of keeping Rose's faults and flaws as a character foregrounded, even with Rose providing first person narration the whole time, while still keeping her a likable character. One of the fascinating things in the later books is the way Rose gets into relationships which we know because of narrative convention are never going to work out, and which she has some misgivings over, but which she talks herself into anyway, sometimes multiple times, and the boy in question is so enamored of her that he keeps holding out the hope she'll commit to him for real. It's very unfair of Rose, and depicted as such, but also as completely understandable given what she's going though. It's like a total deconstruction of the Evil Girlfriend Who Toys With Innocent Boys' Emotions archetype, without ever hitting you over the head with what it's doing. (Indeed, I could be prepared to believe Richelle Mead didn't set out to explode this stereotype at all, and just happened to do so in the course of writing about a young woman caught up in an Epic Tragic Romance trying as best she can to navigate a swathe of feelings and emotions which she doesn't fully understand.)

The older lover thing is a trope, and being a trope it isn’t quite as problematic as a 17-24 relationship would seem to me in real life.

Me too—although on the other hand, one of the best matched couples I know got together at ages 17 and 30, and they're still going strong 8 years later. Funny old world.

On a tangential note, it's really weird to consider that I'm now several years older than Dimitri in the books. The way he acts, I guess I always tend to think of him as being in his early 30s, rather than early 20s.

I must also confess that I've got limited tolerance for plots along the lines of "you alone have the one special magic long thought lost or legendary, which will be the key to saving the universe".

For what it's worth, we meet a couple of other spirit users over the course of the series. Also, while Lissa's magic is, indeed, critical to the plot, it is not the key to saving the universe, as that's not really what the books are about.

We learn a lot more about Strigoi in later books, too, and they do indeed come across a lot like Buffy-esque Vampires: pretty much the same personalities, and they seem to have some sort of feelings for other people, and yet still somehow evil and uncaring, and the juxtaposition of the two is about as awkward as you would expect. (I fantasized while reading those sections that the Moroi and the Guardians might just be mistaken, and Strigoi, while alien and with very different priorities, might not be actually evil and uncaring. No such luck, sadly.)

If you do decide you want to continue reading the series, don't get attached to the psi-hounds. They get dropped so completely in later books that I was shocked to see them when the film version of the first book came out, as I'd literally forgotten they existed.

#Ferretbrain #Vampire Academy #Shim #Young Adult

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blschaos3000-blog · 4 years

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Its 10:42 pm dark/cold/Palace of the Prophets

Welcome to a another edition of “8 Questions with…..”

Today we are headed back over the Pond to catch up with London based actress Wiktoria Wabnyc. We first met Wiktoria (pronounced “Victoria”) back in 2017 on Facebook and then when she did her first interview with me.which you can catch here. I was very impressed with how not only driven she was in pursuing her craft but also in keeping a even keel in doing so. She had a specific plan for her career and she wasn’t afraid of hard work. Flash forward to 2020 and I’m very pleased to see Wiktoria’s hard work is paying off. A veteran of over 20 productions in both film and the stage,Wiktoria continues to work hard and shine in any role she is in. She has a brand new play called “Jollof Wars” which starts in Febuary and I’m sure she’ll be outstanding as the “Judge”. It looks to be great fun and just another step forward for this talented 21 year old. So once again,we sent Wiktoria her 8 Questions and if I learned one thing from the first interview and this one……the lady loves her Piccadilly Circus!!!

We last chatted in 2017…..so what has been going on in your career since then?

Yes, thank you for having me back! For the past couple of years I’ve focused on taking different classes and learning new skills. I also worked on so many exciting projects including two feature films , 10 shorts films and 5 theatre productions! I also started writing my own short film which I can’t wait to produce!

How has the British film industry changed during the past few years? Has it become easier for actors to get roles or harder?

As the industry shifted to a more digital based. It became easier for casting directors to see more people for each role. Now this has definitely increased the competition for the role as now larger volume of actors can apply and audition for the same character. However, on the other side it gives you the opportunity to audition for roles that you might not have been able to do so previously for obvious reasons. I also feel like now the industry is slowly opening up and we see more diversity on screen. Where in the past, if you haven’t attended one of the top 5 drama schools you wouldn’t even be considered for a role. Leaving the industry to be upper-class centric.

I understand you are doing a theater play called “Jollof Wars”? What can you tell about your involvement in this play? When and where does it open? Is this your first theater project?

Jollof Wars is a family friendly comedy written by Gail Egbeson, directed by Lucy Dear and produced by Purple Moon Drama. Jollof Wars is about a young couple, who are unable to agree on which jollof rice should be served at their wedding. The couple takes the matter into court in hopes that the Judge will be able to end their cultural disagreement. In Jollof Wars, I play the role of the Judge who tries to resolve the issue and make both parties happy. Jollof Wars, has been previously performed at the Theatre Peckham, Poplar Union and is now opening for the VAULTs festival on the 14th February 2020-16th February 2020 at the Network Theatre.

The tickets are on sale now: https://vaultfestival.com/whats-on/jollof-wars/

Since I started acting 4 years ago, I had the opportunity to act in over 20 productions including leading a feature film/short films, webseries and theatre. In the past, I had the opportunity to work with Purple Moon Drama on ‘Noughts and Crosses’ written by Malorie Blackman at the Brady Art Theatre and Rich Mix. I also performed as a lead chorus in Antigone, a Greek tragedy directed by George Eugeniou at Theatro Technis and worked with Victor Sobchak on Anna Karenina.

What drew you to doing this play?

I saw this play as an opportunity to learn more about the African culture, dances and traditions. I think as an actor it is so important to learn about other cultures and listen to different stories people have to offer. In the play we share an important story of marrying outside your culture and the challenges that it may impose onto your relationship.

What three aspects about your acting have you improved on the most since we last chatted?

Definitely improvisation, when I first started acting 4 years ago I was afraid of not being able to come up with dialogue on the spot. Now I can’t imagine working on any script without doing a bit of improvisation in character first. Second aspect that I’ve improved on is my listening skills. Acting is all about reacting but you can’t react to something you haven’t listened to. Thirdly, getting out of my comfort zone. I am not afraid to try something ‘silly’ and embarrass myself in front of my cast mates but I take it as an opportunity to push myself further and try something new.

Has living in London opened many more doors for you career wise?

Living in London definitely helps when you’re an actor, just because you have everything within reach. For example, the best acting classes, great headshot photographers and the majority of casting head offices are based in London. I don’t think it’s essential to live in London to become a working actor, but it definitely helps when you live close by. Especially when you have last minute auditions to get to. I would say yes, living in London has open doors for me especially when someone had dropped out last minute from a production and I got called in to replace them on the day. Living in London made it easier to get there as fast as possible.

What are three things you would have told your younger self differently?

Learn to say no more often

Put yourself before others, you can’t help others if you’re not okay yourself.

Learn to love yourself because if you want to achieve anything, you need to be confident and believe in yourself.

How important has networking become to artists? Do you feel social media support groups help or hinder artists?

Networking is essential as an actor. If you’re not networking as an actor – WHY NOT? Majority of my roles resulted from attending film festivals and meeting film directors who would then invite me to audition for the roles in their films. I think if you know how to use social media to your advantage , it’s a great tool to promote your projects and also network with other creatives.

What do you do for fun and recreation? Do you have any hobbies that you enjoy?

In my free time I love to travel solo. I travelled to Vietnam last year, to teach English and it was the most incredible experience of my life. It made me appreciate what I have and I got to meet so many people from different backgrounds/cultures and just get to know them a little bit more. My hobbies vary from exploring different countries (travelling) to reading books and doing unhealthy amount of online courses.

The cheetah and I are flying over to watch your latest film but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

Okay so anyone who is planning on visiting London HAS to visit the Camden food market. Camden Town is a unique artistic place where no one is ashamed to be themselves. It’s colourful and always has a good atmosphere! Camden Market has over 1000 stalls selling fashion, music , art and FOOD! There’s definitely something for everyone! Another place would be visiting Southwark,near the National Youth Theatre and Royal Festival Hall. Not only is it a beautiful scenery, with the walk alongside the river, but it’s the perfect spot to sit down and observe London. My ultimate favourite place in London is the Piccadilly Circus. It’s a very busy, touristic place, but you can enjoy a great amount of street entertainment from new up coming artists. It never fails to keep me inspired!

I like to thank Wiktoria for letting us have a chance for a catch up. It’s very clear that her hard work is indeed paying off and we wish her the very best in the upcoming “Jollof Wars” and in her future projects!!

Wiktoria has her social media going in the right direction as well…..

You can follow Wiktoria on her InstaGram page. Come check out Wiktoria’s YouTube Channel and hit that Subscribe button!! You can see which film/TV project Wiktoria is doing next by visiting her IMDb page. And you can join Wiktoria’s Facebook page by clicking here.

You can catch up with our interview series by clicking here. As always,I think you for both supporting the folks we chat with but the cheetah and myself as well…..

8 More Questions with…………actress Wiktoria Wabnyc Its 10:42 pm dark/cold/Palace of the Prophets Welcome to a another edition of "8 Questions with....."

#8 Questions With #improv #interviews #Jollof Wars #Life #live theater #London #networking #plays #teacher #travels #UK actress #UK films #Vietnam

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