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hey-i-am-trying · 3 days

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hi, tripoier here! Long text incoming alert and a detailed explanation of the situation for qsmpblr (also sorry if I make some typos I'm writing without translator)

Yeah I also saw what happened today with the og admin of Pepito and I have a lot to say about it. First of all I'm not speaking in behalf of the community but I'm my own experience of the situation. I watched the development of Pepito's story since day one and fell in love with that little guy (and his laggy PC). Then second day arrived and I noticed the admin change bc he was less laggy and I've learned enough Portuguese and 07's (Richas admin) mannerisms to recognize when he's playing a character, even Roier noticed but didn't say anything until the screencap incident lol

Few day passed and 07 created such a cute and wholesome personality for Pepito, that contrasted very well with the role that roier was having at the moment— that it's understandable that it may not be too comfortable for some people but for the ones that had been watching Roier's story in the server + his relationship with Bobby, we take it with humor/hope for him to heal slowly after what happened in Purgatory and with Bobby (and believe me, Bobby had a HUGE impact on how Roier behaved with the rest of he eggs after his death)

So during the days 07 played as Pepito all the tripoiers were in this state of hope because we knew how much q!Roier was trying hard to not to get attached to Pepito, he knew the moment something happens to him he was gonna suffer A LOT, and Pepito was this pure, innocent ray of sunshine that it was imposible for us not to love immediately (Roier also did from day one but he loved to play with us + his lore at the moment was being in depression for the lost of his husband and having Richas and Leo in their comatose state). Also, is worth to mention that after he discovered it was 07 the one playing as Pepito he became more playful and started to tease him just to make him go out of role (and succeeded one time). Which is why he used the chancla a lot with him, as a shield for the feelings that were starting to grow on him again.

Then, Otipep happened.

This is the part I'm gonna be more careful to explain bc there is a language barrier that for the people who don't have Spanish as their first language they cannot understand or got confused

When Otipep appeared Roier noticed that it was another admin playing as Pepito because 07 was busy helping with Q's lore, we don't know if he recognized immediately that it was the original one or just a random temporary admin, but he noticed that this Pepito appeared where the fist one disconnected (in the garden outside of his house). Some people noticed that it was the original one and got happy bc it meaned that finally Pepito had his permanently admin back and bc Richas and the others eggs were also back from the coma we could see them both at the same time (roier used to joke about it every time 07 was around)

We also thought that the og admin had been catching up with the role that 07 has built so far with Pepito (which was not, and we would never know if it was either miscommunication between the admins or the og admin just decided to ignore the actual role to keep their 'idea' for the role), so at first we were a little bit shocked when this Pepito started acting so "dry" (idk if this is the correct word) with Roier, bc we had already gotten used to Pepito's tender way of speaking, but we just let that pass for a bit.

But then that "dry" behavior started going to go down a path were even we as an audience started getting uncomfortable, because roier was trying to socialize with the admin but they clearly didn't knew what's has been going on these past days, so Roier take the time to make a summary of the last days with his typical chill humor, and while he was doing that everything reached its final point with the sign "hueles a culo también hijo de puta" = you also smell like ass son of a bitch.

now This. THIS right here is what destroyed everything. Because you would say "oh, it's just Pepito following Roier's game, it's was in a playful way".

No.

It. was. not.

When Roier starts calling someone with some swears or related words is always in a playful way, and there is context and trust behind. When Otipep put that sign Roier was making a summary of the role that 07 has been doing with Pepito, bc he didn't wanted to let them behind, and while doing that he always explain with his usual humor to make it less unconformable for the admin/ entertained for his audience.

So when he placed that sign we all get out of the loop because it came from nowhere, even Roier kept silence of a few second because 1). it sounded rude, that sign was so out of place 2). Roier was explaining the last few days to the admin so he can keep up with the role, he was not "joking" with the admin, or moving on to another topic, he was helping the admin. 3). We, as an audience, felt so shocked because they weren't saying that to Roier in a playful way, they were giving weight to those words. And this is the part that people that do not have Spanish as their first language doesn't understand. They gave weight to the insult. They didn't wrote that as a joke, they directly INSULTED the streamer.

Then roier proceeded to hit him with the chancla bc he wanted to take the control back of the situation in a humorous way, a damage control in other words, because the chat was filling with "??????" And people getting offended and angry (justified, even I felt offended) with the admin, but Roier is not of those type of persons and he always try to make his streams a safe place for his community, so if you ask me he did a really well job handling the situation even tho he felt offended and his audience noticed that for the rest of the stream (hell, even days later)

And if that was not enough, Roier kept trying to save the situation but the admin was not cooperating, with the "no he preguntado"= I've not asked you and other sign that I just don't remember and is not really worth it (and bc Otipep literally left Roier speaking alone with the "I'm going to look for better parents" and went to spawn zone), he just gave up trying and waited for Richas to come back (which was also chocked w the situation)

And this is me speaking from a non-neutral tone, but I think we could've had a Roier being super loving and caring with Pepito if this situation didn't happen in the first place, bc after this I noticed that Roier stopped tried to get close to Pepito, the situation really affected him so whatever role he was building with the character he just simply stopped and changed the dynamic with another one more limited and less parental, but keeping his usual humor bc it was not the fault of the actual admin or 07, it is what it is unfortunately.

That's why I'm so glad that the actual admin and Ricardão did such a good job saving Pepito because the Spanish speaking community was about to drop him, even streamers friends of Roier that are not part of the qsmp acknowledge the behavior of Otipep with Roier (if that doesn't say a lot about how complicated it was on this side of the road)

And even after all these things there was people out there calling the Spanish speaking community as dramatic or harassing Roier when the situation happened (and it seems they still do it :/ ), but most of us kept quiet because we respect Roier and as he says, mejor pasamos de movidas.

and well, this is it, I know I'm missing some points in the story but honestly getting into fights or hate in general is not my thing, I wanted to give some context for the people of Tumblr because I know, at least here people take the time to read and are more chill unlike twt, and I hope I gave some clarification for the rest of the communities that are not native in Spanish, I really really love Pepito and I'm so glad we had 07 and the actual admin there to play this character, I still can't believe that person had the audacity to come out proudly as Pepito's 1st admin when literally no one from the Spanish community considers his 2 appereances as canon after their blunder xd

Thank you for sharing!

I understand that some stuff are hard to translate, thank you for taking the time. I didn't know that your community was being called dramatic because of that! That is dumb as hell and I am sorry it happend in the first place.

Of course we are no in business of spreading hate. I have always tried to see the other side of situations, I think from what I read in the admin's doc they had some kinda of vision for the character, but I guess they didn't realized that well, they were not going to become automaticly friends with Roier and have room to "joke" like that just because they have become an egg admin. Probably my best guest of what it happend.

It is really weird, maybe they were banking on the support that the other admins have gotten? Or they actually never realized how insulting they have come out as.

Well, I don't have much to say, except I am sorry it happend at all with Roier and the hispanic community.

#qsmp #qsmp discourse #otipep #pepitoadmin

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dunmeshistash · 4 hours

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I really enjoy your deep dives and analyses of all the characters, and Milsiril especially. I haven't done as much research and investigation as you have, but I have my own ideas about Milsiril. I think she's rather... delusional might be the word? I agree that Otta was probably exaggerating and she didn't actually consider the children that she adopted as pets, but I think that she didn't have what we might consider a normal perception of the children, specifically Kabru.

First of all, she seems to have a bit of an idealization of him that doesn't allow for his own opinions and personality. It's innocuous and not uncommon for a parent, but it feels to me as if she has an idea of how he is, and it confuses and upsets her when he doesn't follow the picture of her ideal world. Her decision to train him when he asks is far from complete acceptance of his goal. What she says is "until you finally decide that you're ready to give up." That implies that her goal is not entirely training him to be ready, but rather trying to convince him that he doesn't want this.

Secondly, I think that there's a lot of symbolism around the dolls. Bear in mind that these are all my own interpretations. First off, Milsiril's love and friendship for her dolls shows her as almost a child-like figure. Her dolls do what she wants them to, but they're people to her. She's a child in her own little world, and the kids she adopts might be a part of that-playmates, just like her dolls are. Bear in mind that I'm not trying to infantilize her or say that she has one, straightforward motivation. One of the things I love about Dungeon Meshi is how complex every single character is. She probably has many driving forces behind adopting children, but it seems to me like this might be one of them.

That's about all I have for her, at least at the moment. I think she might have some underlying mental illness or trauma that's skewing her perception of things, but I definitely don't agree with the people who think she's completely unstable or immoral. Thanks for looking at this!

Hey! Thank you!

Yeah I think the dolls is what lots of people use to say she likes to "manipulate" people or be in charge of them in a way, and I understand the symbolism of a puppet master since she has full control of these dolls and wont deny that might be something!

I'm not sure if I agree with this part tho.

I think Milsiril mostly can't keep up with Kabru getting older so fast since he's short lived, to me its almost like she sees him as a toddler when he's already a teen. And that's a common issue between long and short lived races so it's not something unique to her.

To me the reason she's so upset seems to be trauma from Utaya tbh. She was there and saw all those horrible things happen, it affected her so much she retired, and Kabru is the only survivor, a small frail child that lost everything and that now she sees like a son. Wouldn't you want to protect someone you see as a small scared child? Wouldn't you be upset if you learned they want to leave the comfort and safeness you created for them to go back into the horrible world that caused all that suffering he went through? I would.

I think people forget she's basically a war veteran.

She might not know him very well especially now that he left home but I think she knows him about as well as moms usually do, if you mean the cake thing I'm pretty sure she was aware Kabru didn't like elf cake and it's just a silly gag about her being upset he doesn't like her hometown sweet. (And probably also to show he does struggle with having two different backgrounds, Utaya and Milsiril) I think she knows he doesnt like it cause Kabru is never fake in front of her in the interactions we see, I'm pretty sure he tells her when he dislikes something and when he likes something. The other proof is how she took him to the family gathering even tho he didn't explicitly ask, she knew he wanted to go cause she knows that's the type of thin he likes.

About this

That implies that her goal is not entirely training him to be ready, but rather trying to convince him that he doesn't want this.

Yeah that's completely right! But I see that as an act of love on her part, even if its misguided and like, not great. She wants to prove to him he's too weak to go on his own because she seems him as a small child. If a 5 year old asked you to teach them to be a soldier so they can go to war how would you feel?

He isn't 5 tho and he clearly COULD take the training. Nothing indicates he ran away from her to be able to go and he talks about how she trained him and helped him study all that he wanted.

So even tho she said something bad and wanted to convince him the world out there was too cruel, she ultimately let go of him so he could do what he needed.

And Kabru even acknowledges she was right, the world WAS as shitty as she described and even worse. When he says he still doesn't want to go back where he has a soft bed and cake I don't think it's because he hated it there, but because he has the determination to face the cruel world she described cause he doesn't want Utaya to happen again.

Again about the dolls I think they're a source of comfort for her, she was clearly traumatized and going thru something her whole life, you don't get nicknamed "gloomy" for no reason, even her fellow canaries bullied her and thought she was weird.

The children she adopts might be an evolution of her doll thing I'll admit. But more in the sense they're a source of comfort for her, she was someone who was alone for most of her life, being able to love and be loved by children is probably something that makes her really happy. Even if her "motives" might be a little weird and she might not be fully altruistic (who is) what she does seem to be a net positive. Considering the two people we know that she helped (Mithrun and Kabru) she successfully helped them become independent of her. They were both vulnerable people in her care at one point but both are now independent and navigating life. (Mostly independent in Mithruns case but he doesn't need her in specific) That's my arguments to why she doesn't really treat real people as dolls, dolls can never become independent of you.

#ask #fearofgodandtolkien #Milsiril #dunmeshi thoughts #dungeon meshi spoilers

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connorsnothereeither · 14 hours

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was it hard/weird to go from being a fan to a cast member? And what was your favorite part of each?

I mean,,, in an odd way not really? There was a slight weirdness to it in the beginning, maybe, but outside of a few issues, it was honestly a very easy transition for the most part, and I think it’s because I was friends with the some of the cast before I was a fan? I sort of occupied this weird middle space already while I was in the fandom, almost.

I didn’t really start watching Fable solely from the place of stumbling onto it as a fan. I came into it wanting to watch and support my friends. Most of the cast and I were already in the same circle of friends and creators, or at least closely adjacent ones, when the server launched. Jamie and I had been great friends for a few years at that point, and had connections and friendships with a lot of the cast through my girlfriend and other mutuals before even joining the fandom. So a lot of the time, as much as I was active in the fandom side of things, I was also talking with the cast and my friends about the creator side of things (not to mention being a mod in the discord and in twitch chats), and had more of the cast I kind of knew reach out to me and become better friends because I was in the fandom. So I was sort of already a known presence and mutual when I was invited into the cast server as the VA for Deltavera, and after spending so long in that creative space (at least a few months) as a guest voice actor, not much really changed when I was invited as a player character, other than getting my own character. I was sort of already there in a way, I just… got to also be a cast member for season 3.

In terms of my favourite part of each?

From a fan perspective; I love the support the Fable fandom has for each other. There’s such an excitement and supportive atmosphere to the things everyone creates and the way everyone participates in lore together from the fandom side of things. Whether it’s people spending ours in vc’s puzzling out codes and languages together, or the way so many people came together to theorize, to even just how complimentary the fans are of each other’s work, there is such an aspect of community which is ironically not present in a lot of big fan communities I find.

And from the cast perspective it’s much the same. I love getting to see how people react to things I’ve made. I love people translating Telchin passages, or theorizing about little Ulysses lore drops, or make headcanons for him which I always adore reading. As someone who has wanted to be a writer since I was 5 years old, there is an excitement and happiness I genuinely can’t describe about seeing people react and engage with media I’ve made or had a hand in making, and I genuinely get emotional about it a lot of the time. I love being part of something which has a community in the way it does.

#fable smp #fablesmp #fablesmp ulysses

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allastoredeer · 23 hours

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The thing that peeves me off about people saying Alastor would never bottom because of his EGO (besides everything you said about Lucifer's ego) is that it also shows such a patriarchal-ly drenched heterosexual view of sex, that they then apply to a MLM ship that drives me INSANE.

They think Top means big, strong man domineering over the small, soft, gentle woman (the bottom) and it's like, that's such a regressive view of heterosexual sex to begin with but now you're trying to apply that to two dudes. Especially two dudes like Alastor and Lucifer, who both have massive egos and other personal hangups that would shine through during an intimate moment with the two of them.

Like, if you think Alastor wouldn't bottom cause he always wants to be in control, but you think control and manipulation can only happen as the top? That the bottom has no power or control over the act? Maybe because I'm ace, but the idea that the bottom doesn't have any control is so weird to me? I'm not even talking about power bottom dynamics either, the bottom controls so much of the act (if it's consensual) cause if they don't like something, it ain't happening.

I dunno. I think it's perfectly fine to have a preference of top or bottom, lord knows I only interact with bottom!Alastor content (I see Al as ace and generally disinterested in sex, so he'd take the position that requires the lease work (in his view)), but I think it's a whole 'nother beast to take that preference and try to force it on other people. I think the people who claim a character in an MLM (or even WLW) ship would ONLY ever top or ONLY ever bottom strictly on the idea of "control" or "ego" need to reexamine their view of sex.

Sorry if this was all over the place, I have so many thoughts and frustrations on the whole bottom!Alastor thing, due in part to the amount of people that comment stupid shit on bottom!Alastor content, but you don't see anyone saying that shit on bottom!Lucifer stuff. ugh

"...is that it also shows such a patriarchal-ly drenched heterosexual view of sex..."

THIS! This here ⬆️ That is exactly it. Everything you wrote is 🤌excellent, but this line. THIS LINE sums it up so perfectly.

Because that's exactly what it is. In almost every patriarchal, heteronormative relationship, the man is seen as the top and always portrayed as big, dominant, and strong. Wheras the women is seen as the bottom, and portrayed as soft, submissive, sweet, and--a lot of the time--naive and innocent.

I hate the patriarchal, heteronormative view's of sex as it is, but GOD, I forget how messed up it is sometimes. It is, as you said, incredibly regressive. More often then not, it creates this unhealthy, pre-established dynamic between two people (usually a man and a women) that completely disregards how they might actually feel about a relationship and what their sexual preferences for a relationship is. And anything OTHER than this pre-established dynamic is seen as "other," or "not normal."

So taking THAT and putting it onto queer relationships just ljsfnlsjgbl it makes me want to rip my hair out.

"Like, if you think Alastor wouldn't bottom cause he always wants to be in control, but you think control and manipulation can only happen as the top? That the bottom has no power or control over the act? Maybe because I'm ace, but the idea that the bottom doesn't have any control is so weird to me? I'm not even talking about power bottom dynamics either, the bottom controls so much of the act (if it's consensual) cause if they don't like something, it ain't happening."

Anon it's like you're reaching inside my brain and pulling out all of my thoughts, and I love you for it.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people use power dynamics interchangeable with top and bottom. Those two things are not the same. Submissive and bottom are not the same thing. Dominant and top are not the same thing.

Top and bottom (and switch!) is a preferred sexual position. Submission and Dominance (BDSM) is a consensual power-exchange in a pre-determined scene between two or more people.

Someone being a top does not automatically give them more power over the bottom. Or, at least, it shouldn't. There is no agreed upon power exchange. The person topping doesn't have more control than the person bottoming, nor should they.

And I completely agree, Anon. I've always been so weirded out, and unnerved, when bottoms are portrayed as not having as much control in sexual situation than tops. It grosses me out, honestly. I find it very icky, especially when it's perceived as the norm.

"I dunno. I think it's perfectly fine to have a preference of top or bottom, lord knows I only interact with bottom!Alastor content (I see Al as ace and generally disinterested in sex, so he'd take the position that requires the lease work (in his view)), but I think it's a whole 'nother beast to take that preference and try to force it on other people. I think the people who claim a character in an MLM (or even WLW) ship would ONLY ever top or ONLY ever bottom strictly on the idea of "control" or "ego" need to reexamine their view of sex."

Not me copy-and-pasting nearly all of your ask (LMAO) but I just love the points you're making. I have no problem with people having a preference for who tops and who bottoms. Fandom is supposed to be fun, and I want people to have fun. Like you, I generally only interact with bottom!Alastor, and so, I leave top!Alastor content alone.

It's when people try to argue that certain characters can't or won't top/bottom, because of a list of stupid reasons they make up, that I start losing my patience. Especially when their basis for who tops and bottoms is judged on ego or how much of a control freak a character is. People are not that black and white. People are complex and multi-faceted.

And, I know, sometimes people just want to read smut. They want pure filth (amen to that 🙏), and enjoy having a specific character be a submissive bottom and the other a dominant top. Just don't try and push that onto other people by arguing against a dynamic that you don't like. It's weird.

Thank you for the ask, Anon. It's everything to me.

#this ENTIRE message #i want to plaster it over the fandom bulletin board for everyone to see #i have no problem with preferring who bottoms and who tops in a ship #that's not the issue #its when you start trying to force other people into what YOU like by giving a bunch of stupid reasons about #why a certain character would never EVER in their life EVER bottom/top #it's so stupid #i lose braincells #thank you for this anon #I love it and I love you #anon #asks #anonymous #bottom!Alastor #top!Lucifer #radioapple #appleradio

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sunnywalnut · 18 hours

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As someone who *was* a Helluva Boss fan for a really long time because of the obvious love and care that was put into the show by the animators and voice actors.... I really can't overlook the kind of things that Vivian has done.

And honestly?

Knowing that all of the money from views, likes, media, merch and so on goes into her pocket (and NONE of the people that actually put in the work to CREATE the show) just horrifies me to no end.

I know that all of us have heard about her tyrades on Twitter, or her tearing apart critics and cursing them out, or just her all around messy and rude attitude towards everyone and anyone who pokes even a LITTLE fun at her(like that one video of "The Amazing Digital Circus If It Was Written By Vivziepop). I know that we've all heard about it. And a lot of us have already made up our minds about her. Good or bad.

But the fact of the matter is that a lot of us don't have the full story. And for me, it was because a lot of it was either conspiracy, treated as a one off thing, or just an assholeish thing that happened years ago. And her fans defending her poor behavior and claiming she's apologized for it or that it's "okay" because she's been through trauma haven't really helped.

Plus. I'm a firm believer that you shouldn't have to put that much extensive research into figuring out if the person you are supporting(through watching videos, buying merch, etc etc) is a good person or not.

Which is why I want to share with you all a link to a post I found on Twitter. A compiled list of evidence of things that Vivziepop has said or done without additional commentary(besides simply just labeling what the screenshots consist of) so everyone can make their own decisions on what they want to believe or not.

I for one am not the kind of guy to care about what kind of things you do with fictional characters(or at least. What you write with them. All of us are capable of writing shitty stories and posting them online) and honestly? I don't care about what personal things you have going on in your life.

A lot of people do.

And that's not wrong, of course. Some people believe that it is a way to see what kind of person you are based off of how you treat your fictional characters or the ways that you interact with sexuality. Which has some truth to it. To some extent.

However. It holds a problem when that is the ONLY evidence you find against a person.

Making a shitty joke 3 years ago doesn't condemn you to hell. Or at least. It shouldn't.

Making a sexualized character? I mean. Who doesn't?

But running a hierarchy where you are running your friends mental health into the ground for the sake of a show you aren't even animating for anymore? Now that is something that I would like to educate myself on.

And this thread does just that.

I definitely recommend you read. Or at least bookmark for later. Because it has a LOT of new information that people might not know yet.

#vivziepop #vivzipop critical #helluva boss #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel critical

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amorficzna · 2 days

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This has annoyed me enough that I need to speak out.

Gamers are, by most recent statistics, about 50/50 between men/women with other identities such as agender and non-binary people making up a small portion of that demographic (hard to say if it's because of generally lower rep, the representation in statistics, bad questioning, etc.)

Okay so anyway there's this thing going around BG3 that the most played origin is Gale and the most romanced character in Shadowheart ergo Gale romancing Shadowheart should make up the majority of the idk... Shipping? Rather than Astarion. And that this is not the case because of the "silent male majority" of gamers.

What male majority???

Even if you look back to the stats of US gamers from like 2008, women make up 40%??? Sure, this may vary from genre to genre, but DnD and RPGs are not a genre that women have been like, historically excluded from, unlike things like shooters where males are the majority (which is a whole other can of worms).

Also as a stats nerd it annoys me because Larian has given NO other information aside from what we've already seen, so you can't even make the assumption to begin with.

All we know is that 1.3 million players have COMPLETED the game, and around 500k players have CREATED a Gale origin (like, they could have just played the tutorial as Gale for all we know). Two very different things.

Removing the fact that players probably create multiple characters, this implies - extrapolating from the fact that 94% of players have created custom characters, and ~2 million players have created one of the origins - that there around about 30 MILLION PLAYERS!! Y'all cannot be surprised that Gale is "the most chosen origin" when origins have been chosen about 6% of the time!! And that only a fraction of those players would have chosen to romance Shadowheart! Like it's such a small fraction of players !!

For example, if even half of players that chose a Gale origin chose to romance Shadowheart, that's about 250,000 players out of 30,000,000 aka 0.83% - which is NOT a lot.

And y'all cannot tell me a good chunk of those Gale players did not want to live out their Bloodweave dreams while still having the full Astarion experience on the other end!!

Additionally, there is no data on the difference between chosen romances - for example, the actual difference in romance percentages between Shadowheart to all the way down to the lowest origin romance may be as low as 1% or less (just making this off the top of my head but I have worked in the games industry and with game data so this is totally plausible).

Like, the difference between a Karlach and Shadowheart romance or even a Shadowheart and Astarion romance may be way lower than you think, even though Astarion is not in the top 3 romanced companions. We have NO stats on the actual variable differences between these romances.

SO all that to say that this assumption removes a lot of variable data such as:

Most people probably playing as Tav. Just because Gale is the most played origin does not mean that there's a lot of people who did that in comparison to playing as Tav...

...and then assuming a correlation exists (ie. Gale origin = Shadowheart romance, or Shadowheart romance in mind means player will play as Gale) where one was never given in the first place.

Assumptions about gender identity of people who play as Gale.

Assumption of gender identity of people who romance Shadowheart. Like we all know the lesbians love Shadowheart and I cannot blame them.

Assumption of who primarily plays games like BG3 - something that absolutely cannot be assumed from pure player behavioral data. There's a reason that, generally, when doing user research studies, we pulled players based on their behaviors and not their demographics - it is more likely to give us actionable results that way.

A plethora of SO SO MANY OTHER THINGS.

And finally this annoys me because I love Galeheart and if ONLY it was as popular as y'all imagine it to be lmao.

This is kind of what annoys me about releasing data into the wild without raw numbers or specific definitions behind words being used.

People will make their own inferences without totally understanding the raw data as it is, or what was done to make us see the numbers we see, which is especially difficult in videogames when working with telemetry and hooks. These hooks have to be really specifically defined. If they're not, the data can be severely skewed. It also means you're working with very context-specific data (hence why they specify the "third act" romances in the OG data they shared, among other things).

Tl;dr stop making correlations where they don’t exist please. Games have been a space for everyone for a long time despite what bigots want us what to believe and the more we assume there is a “silent majority run by men” the more we feed into ideals and assumptions about gaming that are not necessarily true.

#anyway i know im late but im tired #statistics #are important #i love them #and its so easy to assume or mess them up #anyway #bg3 #gale #shadowheart #gale dekarios #baldur's gate 3

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lady-phasma · 2 days

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It’s me again 💝

I’ve been in the Hotd fandom since the show first aired but got really into it once adult Aemond showed up . I’ve dabbled in a bunch of what I call creator content, fics , imagines even editing videos … I just don’t seem to find my people or I have people and they talk for awhile but then ghost . I try not to stress cause I get it we have lives and that shit comes first but it’s just idk sad when I try so hard and I’m lost in the crowd if you will. I’ve reached out to people via dm and I usually try to comment and give my opinion to get some interaction . Perhaps I’m making a bigger deal than I should . I would love to come off anon and dm but I just don’t wanna be judged and I say this even though I know people reading this will think pathetic . It is what it is

Hi 💝! Thank you for writing again! First, no negative self-talk on my blog. 😊 It's not a rule exactly, but I don't support it. Maybe you follow me, that's irrelevant, but I doubt that the demographic of my followers will think anything about this is pathetic. Outside of them, if they think that, they can block me and then we don't have to worry about their opinions, do we?

Now that's out of the way, don't worry about coming off anon. You don't have to or you can decide later. I answered another ask and said this and it bears repeating:

Feelings are valid, but they are not always truth.

Maybe it is a big deal to you at this point in your life. It has been to me at other times (not on Tumblr because I was on a near-10 year break from it). I don't like to give advice because I'm not in your shoes. I can only offer an ear to listen and my honest opinions.

Keep creating!! Whether it's in a fandom setting or not. I only write what I want to write. I only make gifs of what I want (or need for a fic). Make things when you feel inspiration or even if you don't. Drop your imagines in here if you want. Especially (but not limited to) excitement you have during the second season! There is going to be so much lovely chaos during the second season. We are all going to have thoughts!

As for your experience on your blog, follow more people, reblog with comments/discourse (if it's kind and not hurtful). And try not to compare yourself to others. I know it's difficult when notes on a post feel so damn good, but they aren't always immediate. And be yourself. I don't mean any of this as advice - it's just how I behave on here. Try not to try, just be.

I am so glad you've been in the fandom since the start! I stared my HotD experience on AO3 because I had been on there for years. Then a conversation in the comments in October 2022 got me on Tumblr for the first time since 2013/14. I'm so glad it did! There has been drama (I took a hiatus from Jan 2023 until March 2024) but there has been more joy and fun than that for me. I do that on purpose.

As I've said before, there were about 9 million viewers for the season 1 finale. That's a lot of people. More than I can imagine. So, if I were to offer advice it would be this: this time around for me I have been looking at the tags I follow more often than I used to. I look at posts that are like-minded: kind posts, funny posts that don't make fun of any part of the fandom, and posts about niche characters/elements. Then I look at that blog further, check out older posts to see if they have my same values (or close), and if so, I give them a follow. People don't always follow back, that's okay. But I get to see their positivity or inclusivity and that enriches my experience. The Nettles community is one of the best out here and I am so glad I get to be a part of it. We don't always agree but it's so fun to find a part of another aspect of the fandom. I throw my net wide because there are so many of us.

Lastly, like I said in a recent answer: what do you do to make others feel heard? Do you comment on posts when people express that they are lonely in a fandom? Do you give them a hug emoji or a "hey, I see you" kind of reaction? I do these things when I see those posts because what we put out comes back to us. Treat others how you want to be treated. That's not to say you haven't been doing this but if you haven't, maybe think about why - are you shy, judgmental, unsure how it will be received, or other motivations to keep scrolling?

I want everyone to have a great time in this or any fandom. This fandom in particular needs more positivity and inclusivity. I didn't get the nickname auntie for nothing. 💕 But it's never forced or fake. Come back to my inbox any time and as often as you like. We don't have to keep discussing this unless you want to! Is Aemond your favorite? Which episode do you dislike the most? Are you excited about something in particular for season 2? But there is no expectation or obligation.

#asked and answered #💝 anon #love my anons #fandom stuff #hotd fandom

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thefallenangelsgang · 2 days

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BALDUR'S GATE 3 x MAMMA MIA! AU

CHARACTERS

[YOU HAVE PERMISSION TO USE MY IDEA FOR ANYTHING YOU WANT, I ONLY ASK YOU CREDIT ME]

(break to save your dash)

Now, not every character is going to fit cleanly into character slots (there are too many characters to fill the main cast) so some of our Baldur's Gate loves will be sharing character traits and plot devices amongst each other.

Let’s start with Donna: She will be played by Tav obviously. I mean there really is no other choice here. We need someone who has gotten romantically entangled with multiple if not all the companions. The one unfortunate snag is that Tav has to carry or otherwise create the child of dubious parentage without the other parent knowing. That does pigeonhole the characterization a bit unless you want to go the magic route with it (which opens a line of ethical questioning beyond not telling the Parent of your child about the existence of said child)

For the purposes of this thought experiment, I'm operating under Tav being AFAB and having a womb to carry the baby. I’m also operating under the idea that all the companions have the reproductive organs of the gender they present as in game. If anyone wants to actually do something with this they are free to do whatever the fuck they want and use whatever headcanons they want.

Sophie is going to be played by Tav’s kid. This one doesn’t have a hard and fast gender rule (TIL Sophus is the masculine version of Sophie) but they have to want to know who their other sire is and be generally chaotic which is not hard when they’ve grown up with the Tadfools as their role models. It is important that they display mostly Tav’s traits with others that could be any one of their other parent’s. (think Amanda Siefried and Meryl Streep are both blonde and similarly built. Sophie draws like Sam and sings and plays like Harry and has Bill’s adventurous spunk)

For ease of writing Tav’s Kid will be referred to as Soph from here on out.

Speaking of Sires, the Dads:

Sam: I waffled a LOT on who to choose out of the Baldur’s Boys because I wanted to keep it to just the traditional three and to just companions. You can obviously shuffle around people (I'm sure the Rolan girlies (gender neutral) would love putting him in this AU) and expand the possible dad list (though I don’t know how to split the characteristics like the Donna’s Friends). I chose to go with Gale here. I think he fits the very no nonsense and very anxious vibes from Sam in the show/movie. Instead of a business person who “went home to get married” perhaps Gale got called upon by Mystra as her Chosen and left to focus on his Wizardry. He is definitely the kind to break Tav’s heart over duty and be so ashamed he doesn’t really speak to them for 20 years.

Bill: This one was damn near a no brainer once I was considering it. It’s Halsin. Who better to be the Hippie, fun-loving, sex god and travel writer? He retains all his Baldur’s Gate characteristics. His experience with Tav is truly just a bit of fun before they both go their separate ways. Their relationship is HEAPS less frigid than Gale and Tav’s.

Now this is where you can go two ways with this. You could give Halsin is canon good ending (Reithwin with the kids) BUT we miss Bill being scared shitless at the prospect of having a child which I always loved as a characterization (Skarsgard plays it like a champ in the film, he looks like he’s gonna have a heart attack lmao). I feel like Clan Dad Halsin after 20 years is way too open to the idea of having something permanent like a kid. Wandering Arch Druid Halsin might be a little more scared shitless at the idea. That one is a personal preference, I think I’d prefer Reithwin Halsin even though I miss the majesty of an internal conflict.

Harry: Now this one also was a no-brainer but needs to be explained with some tact. It’s Astarion. It is not because Astarion is the most effeminate of the group. For those that don’t know, Harry is canonically gay. The companions are all pan. I chose Astarion because there is an opportunity to do something else transformative with Astarion and Tav’s tryst.

In Mamma Mia, Harry talks about how Donna is the last and only woman he’s loved and their time together helped him accept his sexuality. In the stage show he’s in a committed relationship (his partner's name is fully escaping me atm). It always stuck out to me that Donna changed Harry and that’s why he still loves her after all these years. Sam obviously regrets leaving to do what was expected of him because he didn’t love his first wife. Bill sees the life of adventure and companionship he could have had with Donna but acknowledges that that time is behind them and still loves her anyways. And Harry loves that Donna made him see himself clearly for the first time in his life and loves her for it. You can see why Astarion came to mind I hope.

Astarion’s night with Tav was him figuring out what intimacy meant to him after finally closing the Cazador Chapter of his life. The encounter was brief but it changed him for the better and allowed him to start healing.

EDIT: I realized I didn’t cover Astarion’s Vampirism at all. For story purposes assume he has some kind of temporary solution to the sun issue because I need his ass to be present when this is set on a fantasy Greek island. The Dhampir issue is… something. I sludged through some further thought experiments. Tav and the kid being Tieflings hides the fang coloration issue. Explaining away that the characteristics haven’t presented yet because the kid is still quite young by nearly all standards (20 is just barely of age for humans, and though they are full grown biologically they are still children in Elven society) and also have been largely sheltered from danger their whole life also works.

But to be honest, despite what the second movie and its director want you to believe, I think Harry is the least likely father of the three. I am comfortable extending this to Astarion.

Okay now we are into the Dynamos! Fuck yes! Rosie and Tanya are my favorites (it helps that they are PERFECTLY casted in the movie oh my god). I have split their characteristics across the girls. There are some of the companions that are obviously one or the other (Karlach is the most Rosie coded while Minthara SCREAMS Tanya) while others send mixed signals (Shadowheart is the most even, skewing towards Tanya slightly while Lae’zel has Tanya’s bitchy attitude and Rosie’s “lone wolf” outlook) SO I’m going to make a chart

Like Astarion, for story purposes, assume Karlach’s heart issue has been solved.

Graphic design is my passion

ANYWAYS you may have noticed three of our friends are missing from this line up. Our intrepid Folk Hero Formally Known As The Blade of Frontiers, Wyll, Pack Mother, Jaheria, and her trusty ride or die Rashamen, Minsc (and don’t forget Boo!).

I had some trouble with these nerds because initially I was playing with making Wyll the second half of Sam, he would have usurped the businessman and maybe the gone home to get married bit while Gale was the heartbreaker and took something from Bill’s characterization, but I was having trouble with losing character motivations. Plus Wyll is canonically not the type for flings. So I am having him be a good family friend invited to the wedding but not involved in the parentage. He essentially is a more involved part of the Greek Chorus. He could take Sam entirely if you are not the type for Gale but you will see why I did this when I get into the songs (yes I am that fucking insane about this.)

Jaheira does have the countenance to be a Dynamo BUT there is this minor character that I think about way too often that I wanted her to take. She is only mentioned in the first movie and the stage show in one line and seen a little in the second movie (which is a fever dream and convolutes the “lore” but I love it anyways). It’s Bill’s Great Aunt Sophia that left Donna the money to start Villa Donna. OBVIOUSLY she isn’t directly going to be playing Halsin’s Great Aunt or be dead (though she will be ancient by then) but she’s going to fill the mentor role for Tav and help out with Soph. She is the only one who knows that Gale Halsin and Astarion are the possible fathers until the beginning of the shenanigans.

Minsc, like Wyll, doesn’t have a direct parallel. He is also a part of the more involved Greek Chorus. He is Soph’s crazy uncle. He got them into all kinds of trouble and still does to this day. He gives a less emotional and personal version of Sam’s “are you sure you want to do this, you are so young” speech that essentially is offering to run off and be warriors (His plan does not get them away from anyone, he’s unanimously elected that the entire tadfool group is coming with them). But he does it after Gale gives the original speech that severely upsets Soph so it serves as a cheer up speech (“Minsc is unsure if the Wizard should come along seeing as he has upset the little warrior so, but Boo says he is very useful and Minsc agrees. So he can come with, but he does not get to pet Boo’s furry little bottom!”).

The rest of our Greek Chorus and people like Sky and Sophie’s Friends are filled out by various NPCs. Pepper is played by Mol. Ali and Lisa are open to OCs to be honest but the idea of Yenna and Arabella hearing the saucy details of a story they were partly involved in is really funny to me so they are listed in the song list as the backup singers. Sky is an OC because I wasn’t fully comfortable using any of the child NPCs. He’s referred to as Soph’s partner.

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roobylavender · 2 years

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i don’t really agree with the idea that ra’s can be swapped out for talia in terms of damian’s upbringing and nothing would change about the story bc he’d be near exactly as abusive as morrison wrote talia to be like.. no.. that’s just misunderstanding ra’s as a character which frankly a lot of people do. ra’s is emotionally abusive but there are still specific patterns to that behavior. he wants the people at his side to genuinely believe in his vision and abide by it and act upon it, it’s far more complex than him being a physically abusive person who would brutally train a child with no remorse or regard for that child’s well being. current canon esp in the last year has led to this belief that talia grew up cold and pressured to take upon the role and be the perfect weapon but she didn’t. she and ra’s were implied to have a relatively fine relationship as she grew up and things only began to shift once bruce entered the picture and became an influence on talia and her loyalties

when the idea of losing talia to bruce began to veer into reality, ra’s became more possessive and insistent in what he wanted talia to do to ensure she would remain on his side. but even then when she ultimately left him for good to move to metropolis the retaliation that ra’s took out wasn’t on her, it was on bruce. he respected her attempts to break out and do something on her own terms, and that’s not to absolve him, i’m simply pointing out how he’s capable of respecting the people he cares about so long as they don’t go directly against him. so when you toy with the idea of ra’s killing damian’s adoptive parents (which is something i believe he would do. they’re an obstacle to his family after all) and thereby choosing to raise him on his own you have to remember that damian is ultimately a child who will possess little to no tangible worldview with respect to what ra’s is preaching (unless his parents are conveniently environmentalists and he’s a genius child which personally is a boring cop out)

so damian is this relatively unexposed kid whose parents suddenly die only for a man to present himself as his grandfather. ra’s pulls the strings to let it all show in the paperwork and damian goes home to one of his bases. and i think the first thing ra’s would do is teach damian about the world. about the way he views it but in the simplest terms understandable to a child. and he would pull damian into this world of scholarship and travel and athleticism not out of cruelty but out of love. bc there is genuine love that ra’s has for bruce and talia even if he eventually abused it. he was overjoyed when they were going to have damian. and he can still be overjoyed and engrossed in the idea of having a grandson to call his own and to teach his philosophy to even if ultimately what he would be doing is projecting his own desires onto damian. he can hope for damian to be the one person in his family who stands by him and understands him and follows him and it can be tragic bc we know his worldview is ultimately wrong and what he’s done isn’t right and damian needs to be rescued asap. but it would all be punctuated by love that would frankly be so much more interesting to explore bc the real crux of ra’s as a character is that he is incredibly proud and lonely and loving in all of the most heartbreaking and potentially unforgivable ways possible. he holds onto people too tightly without understanding why they might want to let go. and there’s no better person to explore the breaking point of that behavior through than a completely unaware damian who ends up on his doorstep and genuinely believes he’s going to live with a grandfather who loves him in all of the right ways. and love him ra’s does. just without telling damian all of the ugly truths it took to get him there

#ra’s al ghul #personal essays #i am genuinely. a gazillion times more interested in exploring ra’s as the emotionally manipulative person he is #than as some crazy guy obsessed with immortality and body swapping and beating a child into obedience #like he genuinely is character assassinated a lot and it’s not brought up nearly enough when the storylines with him could be so cool #bc again i keep emphasizing it but i DO think he would love and adore and poor everything of himself into damian #but it wouldn’t change the fact that it would all be backed up by a lie #it wouldn’t change the fact that he would be hiding damian from his own parents #it wouldn’t change the fact that rather than trying to make amends with bruce and talia he would look to a child to give him solace #it wouldn’t change the fact that when damian finally found out the truth he would be devastated #bc ra’s could be someone he genuinely grows to love. and all of it would be mired in lies #idk it’s just. way way juicer to me than your standard omg let’s train damian to be a super soldier 🤪 shtick #damian in general to me is boring sorry we’ve already established this he really is just my oc atp #i should clarify i mean this as a concept like who he was created to be. it’s boring it’s racist it doesn’t capitalize on the lore etc #but i mean i have no regrets about that bc my take on him is informed by what the al ghuls are actually like. not character assassination ☺️#the al ghuls are genuinely so cool and people’s criticism of morrison should extend to the way their lore was bastardized as a whole #if we are being real. like everything he did with utterly bland utterly boring utterly unimaginative #and i want batman fans to FREE themselves. go back pick up a book from the 70s or 80s it’s just #so much more fun and anointed with depth. bride of the demon literally apex of ra’s characterization #along with that one batman chronicles issue eight story the prison #he’s soooo complex like do i think he /deserves/ forgiveness no but bruce and talia do ultimately pity him in some form #and if there was a way to make him powerless and keep him alive and change him they would pursue it #anyway i am getting away from the point here ig what i am trying to say is the al ghuls are packed with so much love and more writers #ought to explore it. instead of making up fucking. demon magic lore or whatever the fuck #like they’re already fucked up in so many ways idk i genuinely don’t believe you need to add to the pit lore to explore them as people #i just realized the stories i recced for ra’s characterization are from the 90s lmao. oh well. they still banged #talia al ghul #damian wayne #dc

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nonuggetshere · 11 months

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Ah yes. Hollow and their *checks list* 8 partners

LISTEN-

Ok, I only seriously ship them with like. 4. 6 if you consider the two AU-specific partners (Hector for Pure and Ichor for Hallow (sorry about the selfcest jumpscare)). 7 if you include queerplatonic partners. The rest are "oh this dynamic/scenario could be fun to explore but none of the already existing bastards fit it" and also the joke that was Hallow's absolutely MASSIVE polycule

...okay yeah no, I have a problem /j

#thylacines can talk #asks #LISTEN. I JUST LIKE EXPLORING DIFFERENT FUN DYNAMICS AND WHAT IFS OK #DON'T LOOK AT ME #Fun fact my girl Malika was originally created for Hallow'#'s massive polycule before I fell in love with her and yoinked her into her own AU #Or few #These names probably mean nothing to you huh JDBDNDJD #I think my favourite thing to do in fandoms is character relationship exploration and playing around with different dynamics. Both platonic #and romantic. Which just led me to shipping so many people with Hollow. A lot of my ships with them started off as trying out a fun new #scenario/au idea and genuinely falling in love with the characters' dynamics and their stories #Sorry I went Off I tend to ramble when I'm tired djfbfj

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fishymom-art · 2 years

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You know what I think about the most when it comes to my BatIM characters/comic?

The fact that this

Grew up into this

#yes I was going through her tag again #I am pretty much in love with Nelly okay?#she’s the best character I’ve ever created and I really hope that you like her as much as I do #and there is so much to her you didn’t see yet #makes me very proud honestly #like #I sometimes just stop for a second and think about it and realize that damn #I told a story about characters I actually love a lot and really care about and literally can’t imagine my life without #and there are so many people who actually care and who love them #makes me think that there is a legacy that I’m leaving behind and that it’s something really special #I’m sorry I went on an existential rent in tags under a shit post hahah #but honestly you can’t imagine how much Nelly and other characters mean to me #I feel like a parent watching my kids grow into someone much greater than me and it makes me very happy #nelly stein #nelly pevolet #penelope stein #metal and ink #metal and ink extra

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t-u-i-t-c · 10 months

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chapter xlvii

#kr saber lb #kr lb #umbrella.thoughts #umbrella.posts #the way kento was taking care of the store for touma...#the way he ran so fast to hug him when he returned #the way he was all smiles as soon as touma reached him #but of course he has to be wearing those pants just can't let them go can they #i think storious was wrapped up well i mean he saw them create a new story which was what he needed to get clarity #every megid death ended with them seeing what they wanted before passing on #once they pass on they seem to lose the immense anger they had so it seems that they were all distorted by the books power and they're #really a bit more level-headed now #i like that we get to see storious recall sharing his work with people and that it had meant something to him to though i still feel #he got buried in his despair and lost sight of how stories affect others and his relationships with others and not just him personally #it may have been a little fast but i've seen a lot of final villains and i really like storious' story #also just love everyone i don't think there was any character i really disliked throughout #with reika she made me mad but she was supposed to and she came around although it took a bit #i like her and i like how committed she is to her duty and i love her fight scenes #daishinji ryo and sophia felt like elders so i don't mind them not developing too much bc they feel like they have already grown into #the people that they are meant to be although they do develop a bit more here and there #yuri felt more like a guide for touma and i think he fit his role well while also evolving past his outdated ideas of what a swordsman is #ryoga was not developed too much but with the elders he felt like he knew who he was but for him there was development more in his #willingness to listen and work with others while also dealing with the issues of the guild and looking out for reika #he may not be very open but he has his own strong convictions and he is slowly starting to open up but just starting #rintaro and mei had a lot of good development though i do feel rintaro's stuff came across a bit much at times but in the end he became #a character who chooses to believe in himself and not run away while also protecting those around him when he used to stick to the rules #completely though he still does follow rules he does more of what is right than what is allowed #mei was an observer most of the time although she was also entrusted with tools that were important for the storyline such as the book #i love characters who don't transform and offer support when needed #mei was always expressing belief in the swordsman and offered a lot of help to them

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8bit-mau5 · 1 year

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OH ALSO, while I'm here I want to give a special shout out to Opal again because I just think that she's so cool. I love characters that are so into art and think about it, and I love her whole aesthetic, and she has so many interesting things going on in general! I think that part of why I like her is that I feel like... I don't know all that much about her, but I'd love to, but like... She just feels thematically tight. And like she embodies the joy of creating. So like... Hell yeah! Love That

"She embodies the joy of creating" are some words I didn't expect to make me as emotional as it did but that's Exactly where she stemmed from and where I put all of That tat i feel when making art :'3 thanks so much dude ; o ; <33 theres plenty ways to explore and learn about her, and soon enough ill actually be making more art of her! i have some pre-fleet designs in mind i wanna show off, a glimpse into her past

#asks #janetofficial #mun stuff #Happy Tag #meanderingIridescence #ive held onto this for so long cos on bad dys #all i had to do was scroll through my inbox to find this. but i wanna let you know that i never ignored it #i just held it in my pocket.. :'3 its helped me feel a lot better abt her tbh #it just!!! means a lot to me that people love the characters i create and that they resonate w/people #yknow?

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roseworth · 2 years

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one-sided beef is so funny bc i see someone’s handle and i start fuming meanwhile they literally don’t even know i exist

#there’s this one writer on ao3 #and i roll my eyes every time i see someone mention them #AND they’re one of the more praised writers #which makes me so mad #bc people are like ‘omg i love this person so much 😍 all their works are so good’#and i’m like ?????? ok why #BUT THE WORST PART #is that i like some of their fics 😔#so i’m commenting like ‘omg this is so sweet it made me cry thank you for sharing🥺’ half the time #then the other half i’m just silently glaring at my screen #i would never say anything mean to them #but above all else i am a bitter and negative person #so i just sulk alone in my room over it #but hhhhhhhg #this person has never read the comics and gets the characterization of like every character wrong #but they’re still like one of the more popular fanfic writers #i think they have done more damage to the fandoms perception of characters than any other one person #like don’t get me wrong they didn’t CREATE the fanon version of characters #but they def have had an impact on lots of peoples views #or maybe i’m wrong! maybe this is a bad opinion! idk!#maybe my feelings about my blorbos are too strong so i automatically want to kill anyone that disagrees with me #but maybe my opinions are more correct than anyone else’s 🤔#jkjk #okay i’m done with my bitter old hag rant ❤️

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inkskinned · 10 months

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no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

#spilled ink #writeblr #this is a real story lol #looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt #compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY #edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family

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