#personal essays

[roobylavender]

i am a fan of initially one-sided love stories not to excuse or encourage some idea of entitlement to another or on the other hand something akin to self-debasement, but because there is some tenderness in recognition. here is this one person who has taken the time to understand you without recompense without reprieve and all your life you go on thinking no one can hear you but they can hear you. they understand. they know. it may take you years to realize it but they have been here the whole time waiting for you to hear and understand and know yourself. waiting for you to be as kind to yourself as they hope they are to you. wading through the wreckage and saving of it what they can bc every piece is precious and worth holding onto. a curator's love. there's something weighty about it

#to be deleted #personal essays

[hopeymchope]

Hope's Peak and... Whatever is Going on with the "Talents" They Study

Hope's Peak Academy! Where only the greatest talents are invited to focus on the areas in which they excel (and to be studied by the staff).

The people working at Hope's Peak Academy in Danganronpa (whether staff, scientists, or Steering Committee) are pretty consistently presented as being dedicated to researching and understanding the nature of talent. They talk like talent is this hazy concept that only certain people somehow possess, so they're out to crack the code of its mysterious origins.

We have top men working on the origins of talent right now. .... TOP. MEN.

Now, I know we all eventually learn just how much of a shitshow HPA was and how corrupt its primary operators were. But the evidence of their crimes is mostly focused on how they take their interest in "Talent" much too far. So long as it furthered the study of "talent," human experimentation, endangering the lives of students, and much, MUCH more were totally on the table as far as HPA's Steering Committee was concerned. Which is very bad, yes.

However! I think the issues with HPA's intentions ran even deeper. The people in charge weren't just corrupt; they were also stupid. And this is evidenced by many of the "talents" they identified and researched.

See, Hope's Peak makes no real distinction between the types of talent they identify and accept into their walls. Even though there's a MASSIVE DIFFERENCE between the talent of someone like Junko Enoshima vs. that of someone like Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu. Y'know?

(I strongly doubt I'm the first to observe how bullshit some of these "talents" are. But since I can't find any other conversations about this on Tumblr, I'm going to move forward with making my own commentary. Sorry?)

BTW, consider this: If Komaeda were somehow born earlier and was an adult by the time the 77th Class entered HPA? He could've easily been one of the staff members putting Hajime into that metal coffin.

In descending order of "I can see why they were interested" to "WTF is this," here are the four core types of Super High School-Level "Talents" that Hope's Peak Academy welcomes within its hallowed halls:

(DISCLAIMER: I include V3 students as some of the examples cited below. YES, I know they don't attend Hope's Peak in their game's main storyline. However, they attend Hope's Peak in both UTDP and DRS. That's good enough for me; you can always ignore those examples if you disagree.)

CATEGORY (A) Talents that seem to come innaately/naturally to those who have them. These are either your wunderkind types, or they otherwise gained their talent seemingly overnight. — (e.g., Yasuhiro Hagakure, Junko Enoshima, Nagito Komaeda, Miu Iruma)

My Thoughts: Okay, SURE. I get why you'd want to study how this can happen and where these kinds of skills come from. No notes.

CATEGORY (B) Talents that are developed over a lifetime of practice and/or hard work. Most Hope's Peak students we know about seem like they slot into this category. — (e.g., Nekomaru Nidai, Mikan Tsumiki, Kaede Akamatsu)

My Thoughts: My first reaction is "What is there to study/research about this?" Do the Hope's Peak staff not know that working on something for a long time can make you get way better at that thing? Y'all reminding me of Hajime in the now-classic @reddpenn comic where he is legitimately shocked to learn people can gain skills through practice. :P But HOLD UP; let's give them the benefit of the doubt here for a sec. Perhaps Hope's Peak's personnel are wondering why only some practitioners of these talents can reach such a noteworthy level of skill by the time they're teenagers? That's the most reasonable conclusion to draw about the inclusion of these students.

CATEGORY (C) Talents that are only noteworthy because these students demonstrated some above-average skill relative to their age or because they garnered attention through one specific incident. In other words: These individuals aren't nearly as exceptional as those in the previous two categories of talent, but at least they seem pretty decent at what they're being identifed for? — (e.g., Mahiru Koizumi, Shuichi Saihara, Kaito Momota)

My Thoughts: I hope I'm being clear enough about what I mean by this category. But if not, I'll try to clarify: Shuichi was supposedly recognized for his talent solely because he caught one murderer. Mahiru's photography is almost solely portrait photography and therefore not particularly noteworthy to most photographers; she's just pretty good at the one thing she happens to do. (And in truth, her mom's reputation probably played a role in her own Hope's Peak invite.) Kaito being able to pass a basic Astronaut screening exam at a younger age than is usually allowed is neat, but it's not like he's been an exceptional trainee or even gone into space; he's just the "Ultimate Astronaut" because he cheated his way into taking a test early and did surprisingly well at it. Maybe we're meant to think "Oh, Kizakura or whoever could somehow tell these students have the innate potential to be truly spectacular" or somesuch?? But that interpretation requires putting a lot of faith in this questionable-ass system (and the one HPA scout we're familiar with — a known alcoholic). Do these people REALLY demand further study? Is there ACTUALLY anything to be gained by learning about their "talents"??? I... can't see it, y'all. I don't get it.

CATEGORY (D) Talents that aren't even really a talent at all, they're just a position/title someone gained by being born. — (e.g., Fuyuhiko Kuzuryuu, Sonia Nevermind, Keebo)

LIVE HINATA REACTION

My Thoughts: Okay, so MAYBE Sonia was recognized by Hope's Peak as the the absolute pinnacle of refinement and royal behavior or something? But I kind of doubt it based on her actual behavior (and weird interest in serial killers) in DR2. And there's no way in hell that Fuyuhiko is the baddest-ass Yakuza, even among teenagers. You scratch that kid slightly. and you get the babychild undernearth. And Keebo? His talent is HIS OWN EXISTENCE. His "talent" is actually just his creator's talent, FFS. He's not even "High School"-AGED in reality; he's just programmed to operate at a mental capacity of approximately teenage-level. So ultimately, I'm asking: What is there to STUDY about any of these?! These aren't even TALENTS, frankly! These have got me wondering if there's some other reason to include these particular students... like perhaps Hope's Peak wants to extend their tentacles into the power/influence afforded by Novoselic royalty/the Yakuza? Or perhaps they wish the leverage Keebo's A.I. technology in their own pursuit of creating of an "Ultimate Talent"? Point is: THESE 'TALENTS' ARE SEVERELY SUS. (I have to wonder if the larger public and Reserve Coursers ever complained about how sketchy some of this shit sounds?? SURELY they did.)

ADDENDUM/NOTE: There are also those who hover between the various categories I've cited. This includes those who might be a mixture of two categories, or those whose background is hazy enough that it's not clear whether they always had their talent (A) or developed it over time (B). But I think the above list encompasses everyone we know about, either in one or multiple categories.

CONCLUSION: Hope's Peak is so vague and weird about what they define as "talents" that it's tough to say what on Earth they believe they're studying over there. Because the methodology they were employing for identifying these talents is super loose, they're inviting over SOME fascinating subjects right alongside a bunch of teenagers who... really can't reveal much of anything about anything?

How did Junko Enoshima learn to easily analyze the patterns all around her to the point that she was able to accurately predict most outcomes? GREAT question! You may genuinely be able to unravel something about inborn skillsets and unusual brain development from such a case.

How did Mahiru Koizumi become a great photographer? Uhhh, she observed some stuff from her mom and just tried a decent amount of portraits, I suppose. But she's not even that amazing frankly, she ain't taking any award-winning pictures or using any particular artistry. She's just good at smiling portraits. That's it. You ain't gonna learn shit from this.

How did Fuyuhiko become the Ultimate Yakuza? Because YOU decided he was! And that was just because of his inherited leadership role! He has NO special talent, wtf are you idiots doing?!?!

ANYWAY, that should cover all of the Hope's Peak students we've ever me—

Oh, right. There's ONE weird half-exception to this list, which I guess I'll explain for anyone who wants to be extracirricular about this topic.

BONUS! Outlier Case: Makoto Naegi (in DR1 only)

My Thoughts: In the original Danganronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, the player/viewer/reader is made to believe that Makoto Naegi possesses no talent at all. Instead, Naegi was merely this year's winner of the annual drawing at Hope's Peak, and THAT IS IT. He was just drawn from a proverbial hat, and his presence is just a randomized factor. And SURE, by the end of the game/manga/anime, he's declared the "Ultimate Hope," but it's not like he was brought into the school based on that talent, so that's not particularly relevant. What I'm saying is simply this: DR1-era Naegi is the only known Hope's Peak student who doesn't fit into the above four categories. ............ Though this was later retconned, of course. Stories such as Makoto Naegi's Worst Day Ever (which came out alongside the first release of DR2, a mere two years after DR1 first hit PSP) and Danganronpa 3 would state that Naegi always possessed some unpredictable form of Komaeda-style inborn "luck" even if he wasn't necessarily aware of it. Which slots him into category (A). AS SUCH, he was only an outlier for literally THE FIRST INSTALLMENT OF THE SERIES. And since the first installment didn't really delve as much into the sketchy, obsessive ways the Hope's Peak scientists chose to study their roster of "talents," his outlier nature isn't really relevant anyway. I don't feel any need to justify "Makoto Naegi as portrayed in 2010-2011 continuity" for his inclusion in the class roster.

..........................but if I DID have to do that, I'd say including him among the students makes him the Control Group. :P

#danganronpa meta #danganronpa #danganronpa longreads #longreads #longread #personal essays #dr1 spoilers #dr3 spoilers #dr2 spoilers #drv3 spoilers

[chronicallycouchbound]

About:

🔒& ⌂ 24 ⌂ on/off homeless ⌂ disabled ⌂ mad ⌂ neurodivergent ⌂ queer ⌂ trans ⌂ DID system ⌂ currently precariously housed ⌂ multi-marginalized ⌂ writer ⌂ artist ⌂ zero income ⌂ pagan ⌂ mixed race ⌂ DID system ⌂ community organizer ⌂ abolitionist ⌂

Essays:

May Your Hands Always Be Loud

Sword Canes Aren’t Badass. I am.

What’s So Wrong With Having Heroes?

Unlucky: Protective Factors and Homelessness

Homeless Delicacies and Finding Unhoused Joy

Internalized Ableism As Means For Unhoused Survival

Let People On Food Stamps Eat Hot Meals

Intelligence Doesn't Equal Morality

Homelessness as Trauma: Transitioning Into Housing

Winter Solstice / Homeless Persons Memorial Day

Guides:

Unhoused Solidarity in Action (how to help out unhoused people outside of just care packs)

Coming into Disability (best for newly disabled people)

Interacting with People with Psychosis

How to Support People

Underrepresentation in Homeless Statistics

Houseism

Tags:

Original Posts - #chronically couchbound

Unhoused Joy (Story Series) - #unhoused joy

Informational - #info

Guides - #guides

Reblogs - #rb

Mutual Aid Requests - #Mutual Aid Asks

Asks - #asks

Accessibility

I’m Hard of Hearing and require captions in order to interact with any video/audio. Any videos or audio I post will always have captions.

Sometimes, I don’t have the ability to add alt text, image descriptions, and/or plain text versions of posts, feel free to go back and add them if you’re able to and see them needed. I have Low Vision, transient blindness and visual disturbances due to some of my conditions and often require IDs myself. I try to avoid reblogging images without IDs. I try to go back and add IDs when I’m able.

My blogs are photosensitive safe. I will never post flashing lights, jump scares, or April Fool's jokes/pranks on any of my blogs.

Occasionally I post sensory-enriched/dopamine-friendly versions of posts that I have previously posted.

Boundaries

I live in the United States so my posts at times are more specific to USA policies. However, in other countries many of the same restrictions, barriers, and systemic issues exist and I hope some of my posts can be a starting point to your own research about your local government policies and issues.

Inbox is open for mutuals, asks are open for anyone else.

I don’t have a specific DNI list for this blog. I just ask that people be respectful and engage in appropriate conversation about the topics I bring up. Threats and just generally being hateful (+ unwilling to hear other perspectives) will earn you a block. It’s okay if you’re not the most “politically correct” or are uneducated— caring intentions matters more to me.

Other Blogs:

Hellenic polytheistic worship/main: @fireandfennel

System blog: @oleandersystem

Additionally, here’s my website

And here’s my cripplepunk playlist to listen to while you scroll!

And if you’re interested in supporting me and my writing, here’s my wishlist. I am unable to work and have been fighting for SSI with a lawyer since 2017. I have zero income and live entirely off of government aid. Many items I need aren’t covered by insurance or charity programs. This is the only way I am able to receive outside assistance from others without my government assistance vouchers being taken away.

#chronically couchbound #personal essays #disabled pride #disabled pride month #multimarginalized #unhoused #disabled joy #unhoused joy #disability #disabled #cripple punk #cripplepunk #crip theory #unhoused theory #hobopunk #sickpunk #madpunk #neuropunk #hobocrip #homeless #stories from the shelter #stories from the streets

[kateubanks]

teen angst

for me, teen angst looked like a raw, visceral hatred for my prettier, more affluent peers. rich bitches who drove roaring broncos — a birthday present from daddy, the richest farmer in the county. girls who, come prom season, will roam the halls with too-warm spray tans and nails that click furiously on their phone screens. snakes in basketball shorts and boater shoes who treat their semi-circle of gripped whiteclaws like camp david.

i couldn't stand them, and i wanted nothing more than to be them. those girls were beautiful. they were smart, and teachers liked them more than me. they were never without someone to share the experience with — a friend to advise on prom dresses, cry on about the evils of #college app szn, and whine to about the boy in basketball shorts and boater shoes.

their lives were simple. they did school, cheer, hair appointments. their parents served warm, sit-down dinners every night. they had little siblings that annoyed them and parties to keep them busy. their last names bought them security.

they never had to wash clothes in the bathtub and dry them on the space heater. they never had to close the store at three and make it to school by seven. they never worried about how next month's rent was getting paid, and they never felt truly, deeply that the things they wanted were unattainable.

i thought they pitied me, and i hated them for it. they don't know me. my life makes me better, smarter, more equipped than them. i would never want to be them.

and yet, when i found myself in the midst of the elusive creatures, i fawned. i pretended. in my stained rags, i made myself like one of them.

#when does nonfiction stop being nonfiction and just start being a diary entry #also thinking this will definitely need a reprise bc i have WAYYYY more to say #stay tuned for part 2 bc it shocked me too girl #writing #writers and poets #literature #writeblr #prose #flash fiction #microfiction #short fiction #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writing community #writerscreed #creative writing #personal essays #nonfiction #nonfiction essay #poets on tumblr #kateubanks #no i didnt cry writing this why do you ask #i have allergies you bitch

[charliejaneanders]

Just a reminder that I have a newsletter! Featuring weird missives about pop culture, politics, personal essay and random weirdness. It's free! I would like to have as many subscribers as the average reactionary centrist bro one day...

#newsletters #subscribe #science fiction #fantasy #writing #personal essays #please subscribe to my newsletter so i can have people to talk to

[almostmolly]

Slumber Party is available for pre-order!

In support of the National Network of Abortion Funds

Slumber Party, an 18+ zine featuring 30+ creatives from around the world is open for pre-orders!

Slumber Party is dedicated to a feeling: the one you get in the middle of the night when you know you should be quiet but you can't keep laughter from spilling over your tongue; when you're compelled to tell someone your most closely guarded secret because you trust them, and because it doesn't feel like it'll be real in the morning; when the space between your fingers and theirs is warm and thick; the moment before it all happens; falling in love in all the ways you know how, and some you don't.

The Slumber Party Collective stands in solidarity with Americans seeking abortions. All profits from zine sales will go to the National Network of Abortion Funds.

GET IT HERE

A note

This zine has been a labour of love from many people, most especially @stillseekwill. Her vision and organization have been inspiring and enabling, and the enthusiasm with which artists and writers embraced our theme is truly touching. We hope you'll consider meeting us at our Slumber Party by picking up a digital or print copy of this beautiful anthology. In turn, you'll be supporting the critical work of US abortion funds.

BUY SLUMBER PARTY NOW

#slumber party #zines #zine promo #creative anthologies #nostalgia #comics #poetry #illustration #art #personal essays #flash fiction #queer art #queer poetry #queer comics #queer fiction

[stillseekwill]

Slumber Party is available for pre-order!

In support of the National Network of Abortion Funds

Slumber Party, an 18+ zine featuring 30+ creatives from around the world is open for pre-orders!

Slumber Party is dedicated to a feeling: the one you get in the middle of the night when you know you should be quiet but you can't keep laughter from spilling over your tongue; when you're compelled to tell someone your most closely guarded secret because you trust them, and because it doesn't feel like it'll be real in the morning; when the space between your fingers and theirs is warm and thick; the moment before it all happens; falling in love in all the ways you know how, and some you don't.

The Slumber Party Collective stands in solidarity with Americans seeking abortions. All profits from zine sales will go to the National Network of Abortion Funds.

GET IT HERE

A personal note

This zine has been, from the first moments of conception, a labour of love. The enthusiasm in which the writers, poets, and artists embraced the theme and task has been humbling, and what we've made together is truly beautiful. I sincerely hope that if you've considered my work in the past that you'll pick up this stunning anthology, and in turn support the work of abortion providers in the US.

BUY SLUMBER PARTY NOW

#slumber party #zines #zine promo #creative anthologies #nostalgia #feminine aesthetic #comics #poetry #illustration #art #personal essays #flash fiction

[longreads]

Today, we’re featuring a list of five personal essays published in 2022 that captured our editors’ hearts, including poignant reads on friendship, loss, war, endings, and metaphors. Don’t miss these masterpieces:

1. “Jonathan Tjarks was 34 years old when he died of cancer just a few short months after this essay was published. He’d done what he could to fight, and he’d done what he could to make sure that the friends he’d made would help his son navigate the world.” Jonathan Tjarks for The Ringer.

2. “If you’ve ever tried to explain how you really feel — mentally or physically — to someone, you’ll appreciate Sand’s thinking.” Annie Sands for Guernica.

3. “We tend to think of personal essays as marathons rather than sprints, feats of the written word that require time, training, and endurance to complete. But sometimes a brilliant essay is a mad dash because it has to be.” Mstyslav Chernov for AP News. 

4. “Instead of relying on catastrophe narratives or thinking of the end as a singular event, Harad considers life as a series of “nested crises,” and explains that “worlds end all the time.” Alyssa Harad for Kenyon Review.

5. “This essay made me think about many things beyond the Queen: community, loss, and loneliness, to name a few. It also made me laugh, which is the splendid thing about Laurie Penny’s writing — she can make you ponder through a chuckle.” Laurie Penny for British GQ. 

#longreads #personal essays #longform #nonfiction #best of #2022 #bestof2022

[rozmorris]

‘Let the narrative bend where it wants to’ – memoirist Joseph Lezza @lezzdoothis

Joseph Lezza’s first published book is a grief memoir, surrounding the death of his father from pancreatic cancer and the years that followed. It began as an MFA assignment to write a lyric essay, and once he’d finished he found he needed to write another and another, until he had a whole book, full of unexpected turns, resolutions and reconciliations – I’m Never Fine: Scenes And Spasms on…

View On WordPress

#Becoming a writer #CNF #grief memoir #how I made my writing career #how to write a grief memoir #how to write a memoir #Joseph Lezza #LGBTQ+ #memoir #MFA #narrative non-fiction #personal essays #Russell T Davies #Vine Leaves Press

[crow-pal]

change to blog

finally back after the holidays, I'm think ing I might start putting my essays and poetry up here

#bookblr #literature #essays #personal essays #poetry #long form #lets talk about the hypothetical

[rhysintherain]

I was wondering if you had any college application essay writing tips. Those personal questions are kicking my ass fr

Well, the first and most important thing to remember about these is: they want to know you can write.

Not great, sweeping essays that will get you an A in a 4th year course or anything; just that you're not going to be in over your head in the program you're applying for. Nobody wins if you go to college and flunk out because you couldn't do the work.

Stick with simple, solid techniques like the five-part essay plan. Make your thesis clear, and organise your argument like you would for any academic essay. The fact that the topic is you isn't as important as how you present the topic.

Second, and a bit trickier to figure out, is the topic. Again, they want to know they're not wasting time on you, but it's really, really hard to think of yourself objectively as a topic for discussion.

Before you start writing, give yourself time to think. That's a very important step here, because you are the source and the research. Talk to friends and family as well, because they probably notice things you don't about yourself.

Then focus on three areas:

Achievements. What have you done that makes you a good candidate for this program? Why do you deserve to attend this institution? Here we're thinking awards, volunteering, jobs, or skills related to what you want to do. This is where you get to brag a little. Tell them why they should take you seriously. Don't feel too bad if these things don't feel like huge accomplishments; you're just starting out, and they know that.

Relationships. Think of the people you are doing this for, and the people who inspire you. Do you look up to a mentor in your field? Have a family member who is your biggest cheerleader? Want to set an example for the people coming after you? Connections are important, because they'll be your support network through your education, and also because they demonstrate your ability to connect with the people around you. Are you a team player? A natural leader? How do you relate to your positive relationships, and how will you build new ones moving forward? It's really difficult to get through school all by yourself, so show your audience that you will be part of the community and build the connections you need for success.

Goals. Where is this program leading you? What will you do with the skills you learn? They want to know you'll do something meaningful with what they teach you, so tell them what you hope to achieve. A bit of idealism isn't a bad idea here. Who do you hope to help with what you learn? How will this program make your life better? Remember that this isn't a set in stone destination, it's a hope for where your education might lead you. Talk about where you'd like to be, and how you plan to get there. Make your audience feel like they can contribute to your success.

Once you have concrete ideas about these areas of your life, you can answer most of the questions they present you with.

Remember that admissions staff want you there: they can't run a school without students. They also want to know who you are and what you're about, so they can tell if you're a good fit for their school. Try to be sincere in your answers: passion and connection show in your writing, whether you want them to or not, and your sincerity won't go unnoticed. We write best about things we care about, so focus on topics you feel passionate about and things you're proud of.

If the questions ask about challenges you've faced, put a positive spin on them. How did you overcome those challenges? What did you learn from the experience? How can this program help you to overcome future challenges? Personally, I don't like to bring up this sort of thing unless I'm asked directly, but that's up to you.

Finally, remember that not every school you apply for will be a good fit for you. Maybe your passion is something they don't have a good program for. Maybe you are really into theory, but they focus more on applied science. Don't be afraid to shop around, and don't be afraid to be flexible if you find what you want doesn't line up with what a school can offer. You'll find where you fit, but sometimes to takes some work to get there.

#writing #academic writing #personal essays #admissions essays #college admissions #writing advice #writing questions #this advice applies for awards essays too #good luck with your applications anon!

[roobylavender]

i recognize that with the way comics work it's easy to take what is publication fact as canon fact. and while at times this may give way to very useful, innovative readings of characters, at other times it's not much of that at all and instead amounts to a revisionism wherein either a gap in content or a lack of its development is subsequently used to punish the character. i see this happen esp with jason, in that his short-lived term as robin is subsequently used to diminish the life that he led, to deplete it of friends, happiness, joy, interests. and i would really advise against it bc.. sure it's easy to imagine jason had no long-lasting, consistent friends bc editorial never had the time to explore him having any. it's easy to imagine that jason's life as robin was squarely plagued with his anger and grief and emotional instability. it's easy to imagine bruce loved him less bc of how he was deterred from killing the joker or bc of how he othered his grief in the aftermath (personally i severely disagree with this statement but i am making it merely for the sake of argument). the lack of content (and this coupled with the fact that jason's character was rebooted two years prior to his death) makes it very "easy" to envision that jason never actually possessed any personhood in comparison to his contemporaries. but i don't see what it does for jason as a character. why isn't he entitled to the same fully realized life, to the same friendships (mark w. barr and his silly school-centered issues, how i adore you to no end), to the same scope of closeness and endearment and happiness to bruce that anyone else called robin would be? i don't want to take what we lacked in publication as immediate fact of whatever failed to exist in canon. i want to imagine and embrace the trivial details, the nooks and crannies, the meaningless extrapolations of jason's life. i refuse to allow editorial's ignorance, disgrace, and condemnation of his grievances to rob him of a life. he doesn't deserve that, and we should never pander to it

#jason todd #personal essays #like idk some of these conversations tend to meander into the realm of 'no one in dc cares about jason bc they never did' and it's like #no sherlock no one in dc cares about jason bc editorial doesn't want them to care.. free yourself

[hopeymchope]

How the Phantom Thieves Became the Bad Guys (OR: A long-ass essay that’s likely to irritate any P5 fans that bother to read it)

PREVIOUSLY: I came to the sad realization that “Joker” — a.k.a. the Persona 5 protagonist, a.k.a. Ren Amamiya — is canonically an asshole.

...so I suppose the logical extension of that is for Joker to become a villain. 

And as it turns out, thanks to the third semester of Persona 5 Royal, he can! They WANT you to. 

I guess you could say the warning signs were always there.

...of course, alternatively, he might not. Because thankfully, the freedom of player choice still gives you some ways out. But sadly, the “True” (i.e., canonical) ending of the game requires Joker to lead the Phantom Thieves into a very dark place indeed. 

Before I delve into why that’s the case, though, I have to give the devs at Atlus credit for creating an ethical scenario that really challenges the player and makes them think. But uh, if you want to feel okay about pursuing the “True Ending,” you definitely shouldn’t think too much. It’s best that you just take the words of the characters at face value and try not to apply real-world morality, okay? Because applying serious thought to the moral debate in the third semester swiftly makes the Phantom Thieves into bigger baddies than some of the palace rulers they’ve previously battled.

Enough of the buildup, however. Let’s back up and dig into the core issue I’m talking about: Takuto Maruki’s quest to make the world a better place. 

The Setup

Maruki is a psychological counselor and cognitive researcher as well as a Social Link/Confidant that’s unique to the “Royal” version of the game. He’s also the central figure behind the new storyline that takes place after the ending of the original Persona 5. Said storyline involves Maruki leveraging his work as a psychologist and his studies of the cognitive world + Yaldabaoth’s merging of Mementos with the real world to rewrite reality, creating a new world where people’s innermost wishes are made real. The result? People who lost loved ones in traumatic ways see them now returned to life. People who experienced horrific injuries have had them undone. Rape victims were never violated in the first place. People who lost their dream jobs are suddenly re-employed by them. And so on. This is Maruki’s way of helping people move past being haunted by their traumas and worst experiences; now they can simply never have had such experiences.

Maruki is a very kind-hearted soul from the moment we first meet him. There’s never any doubt that he’s simply trying to make the world a happier, kinder place. And when he first triggers the change into a new timeline, most of the Phantom Thieves are blissfully unaware that the world has been rewritten around them. No less than three of our teammates are reunited with parents who died recently or years ago, although from their perspective, it’s not a “reunion” — it’s just the way things have always been, because those people were never murdered in the first place. Our lead character, Joker, and his rival/ally/antagonist, Akechi, are initially the only ones who remember the old reality. But Joker is soon triggering the rise of conflicting memories within his allies that make them call their new existence into question, even if just slightly...

(It’s cool how well this all aligns with a major area of current psychiatric research. Medical researchers have been seeking a way to target and delete traumatic memories from PTSD sufferers for well over a decade now, moving ever-closer to success. Traumatic memories can be debilitating to a level that millions of sufferers never can recover from their worst experiences even after living many decades more, frequently driving people to suicide; what if you could stop having to relive them? Granted, this wouldn’t literally undo them as it does in Maruki’s solution, but I think the core concept is similar, and that’s pretty neat. Though I have no idea if it was all intended and the devs actually knew about this... )

Concerns?

When I first entered and swiftly understood Maruki’s “new reality” in the game, I immediately theorized TONS of ways in which this could be a very bad thing. And even as I went through the initial phases of his palace/laboratory and slowly learned more about the situation, I continued to come up with new possibilities for why this could be a problem for the world.

...so what’s amazing is how, though a combination of main story dialogue and optional side dialogue, the game successfully addresses EVERY possible problem and erases ANY doubt regarding Maruki’s solution. I assume they were going for a more nuanced moral debate, but in practice wound up in a situation where Maruki’s solution carries only the slightest ambiguity as to its righteousness.

So! Let’s go ahead and break down EVERY concern I had... and how the game either dismisses them or muddies them up quite a bit.

Concern #1: Maybe this reality is fake, and the resurrection people are just illusions/cognitive beings? ANSWER: No, this is not the case. During their first couple of discussions, when Akechi asserts that this reality is phony, Maruki assures him that it’s every bit as real as the one they remember. Moreover, Akechi himself confirms this in his next phone call with you; he investigates the possibility that Wakaba Isshki is either an illusion or cognitive existence, and he confirms that she is indeed the real Wakaba. In fact, his research confirms that she simply didn’t suffer the incident the vehicular accident that previously ended her life... and history was rewritten from there. Per his testimony, this isn’t a false reality at all — it’s an alternate universe or new timeline with its own distinct history. Think of it like we just jumped to a new “world line” in Steins;Gate or something. 

The dark side implication of this fact is that it means that if someone WERE to revert reality back to its previous state, that’d be effectively the same as killing them yourself. 

Concern #2: Does this mean that people will never undergo loss or pain of any kind? No, negative experiences definitely still exist. Note that Yoshizawa still has endured the loss of a close sister who was killed in a vehicular accident! And the Niijima family is still missing their deceased matriarch. Ann specifically mentions how she was “so sad” when Shiho transferred away to another school. In fact, even Shido is confirmed to still be under arrest for multiple confessed crimes (courtesy of the Phantom Thieves) in this reality! But that last one could be an example of how people who don’t accept this new reality can continue to be trapped in their old struggles. You can see that particular problem in the homeless man in the subway... and even more blatantly in Akechi. He’s very open about his hatred of this new reality and his opinion that he needs his miserable life experiences. He literally defines himself by his trauma, which is... uh, not a good argument. In fact, Akechi is so messed up (and historically has been such a hostile, malevolent force) that his hatred of the new reality feels more like a ringing endorsement than something we should agree with. HOWEVER... it’s worth noting that later on in the “true” story route, Maruki continuously refers to his reality as one where nobody has to suffer. So perhaps the lingering tragedies/problems I’ve mentioned are actually imperfections he intends to iron out? Or it’s possible he’s just simplifying the situation, boiling it down to the essence of his argument even if it’s not strictly the case. UNCLEAR.

Remember: If Akechi thinks something is foolish, it’s probably a very good idea. 

Concern #3: Is everyone just going to live incredibly easy lives, then? Everybody gets whatever they wish for now? First: That’s literally impossible. It is inevitable that people’s wishes will conflict with one another. Second: It’s pretty clear that goals/wishes which logically require effort to be actualized will STILL require that effort. Sae Niijima is still said to be working late nights in her job as the district prosecutor ever after the new reality emerges, and Ryuji is literally doing laps around the school EVERY DAY in order to stay in shape and keep his track skills strong. So NO, it’s not like everything just comes on a silver platter without even trying for it. Third: In all other situations beyond ONE thing on January 1st (the first day of this new reality), it seems like the new world isn’t going to just give out every desire you might think of. See, the narrative waters are muddied by the fact that Yoshizawa wishes to not encounter a crowd at the shrine on New Year’s Day... and then, shockingly, it’s mostly empty. But for the rest of the story, this trick is never again employed. In fact, there are situations in which people would OBVIOUSLY be thinking or desiring something other than what they have, but they still aren’t magically granted the perfect life. Just look back at Concern #2: Are you telling me that it never would’ve occurred to Yoshizawa to NOT have such a tragedy in her past? In fact, just rewind back to my second point under this very concern - are you going to tell me that Sae never once wanted to have a lighter workload? And why the helld did Shiho EVER transfer away from Shujin in this new reality, huh? So the most logical conclusions here are either that A) The new reality was still forming (this was its first day after all), finding its footing and still in flux, but immediate fulfillment of random frivolous wishes won’t apply after this point. OR! B) One-off wishes that are specifically spoken aloud might be granted, but otherwise the focus is on granting the SINGLE deepest wish of each person. 

Concern #4: Wait, what if some real assholes/terrible people make destructive wishes? In the real world, somebody casually thinks “ugh, I want to die” all over the world at every second, and a few people probably think “Jesus, just blow up the planet” every few minutes, but it’s not like we see random citizens keeling over or the world exploding under Takumi’s new reality. But this is a fictional world, so maybe those kind of thoughts/statements don’t exist there. In which case  the fact that Shido is currently still imprisoned for his crimes seems like evidence enough that destructive wishes being granted isn’t going to be a concern. Does anybody really believe that Takumi would hand someone like Kamoshida his greatest (...and probably dark and perverted) wishes? Nah. No fucking way.

Concern #5: If Kamoshida never was at Shujin and never abused/violated anyone, and Madarame was actually an honest and supportive “master” to his apprentice, and Okumura is a caring boss and devoted father... does that mean the Phantom Thieves never existed in this world? Does that erase the special bond our characters built? ANSWER: No, it doesn’t mean that. I already mentioned that Shido is behind bars in this reality just as he is in the preceding one, and this is (as ever) courtesy of the Phantom Thieves. The Phan-Site is still running and putting out polls, and they’re still viewed as heroes to the masses. The Thief squad still possesses the same special connection they always had. 

The Stickiest Wicket: Kasumi and/or Sumire

Ultimately, the BIGGEST concern for many people about Maruki’s actions is what’s happened to Yoshizawa. She no longer even knows her real name (Sumire) or who she was born as. She’s living her life entirely as a deceased person (her sister, Kasumi). She fully believes she is that person, and she acts and thinks and feels just like them.

A lot of people find this creepy or weird, but Maruki originally triggered this change without even knowing he was doing so. Furthermore, it happened because that’s what Sumire wished for. It’s her own desire! 

But once Maruki realized Maruki’s argument is based in the trauma that got her here. Because, you see... Sumire is responsible for her beloved sister’s untimely death. Not in a direct “I literally killed her” sense, but I mean... Sumire picked a fight with Kasumi in the streets and then ran away upset, Kasumi naturally/obviously pursued to try and calm her down, Kasumi screamed out to Sumire to not run into the street because vehicles were coming, Sumire ignored her and ran into the street, Kasumi catches up to Sumiere JUST enough to shove Sumire out of the way of an oncoming truck... and Kasumi pays for that with her life. 

We are made to live out this experience in first-person view, and it’s harrowing. Afterwards, Joker and Maruki make some effort to calm and/or comfort her. Maruki gives her the opportunity to live her true self from then on and help her move forward... or to revert back to  Understandably, Sumire can’t comprehend having to live with this deeply traumatic experience in her mind.

No shame.

I come at this storyline from an unusual perspective because a very similar story happened near where I live when I was growing up. The story of a man who accidentally wound up causing his wife’s death while they were on their honeymoon.. it absolutely shook me to my core when I was a young teen. I won’t get into the messy details because I’d prefer to not pass the horror of a real-life tragedy on to a bunch of people, but suffice it to say that it was absolutely, undeniably an accident. Even so, he was similarly wracked with guilt. The area community watched that man’s psychological state completely collapse. He never recovered, and it was hard to blame him for that.

I can’t imagine how I’d ever recover if I accidentally caused a loved one’s death, either. And hopefully, very few people will ever have to know such horror. If I knew someone in such a situation, of course I’d be there to support them while simultaneously encouraging them to get professional help they can lean on. I’d encourage anyone in such a situation to seek out help and try to support them, naturally. And Joker does do that! But holy shit, when we see flashbacks to the aftermath of the tragedy, Sumire is DEEPLY miserable. She can barely go through the motions If Sumire believes that she is Kasumi, it does more than just help heal her feelings of inferiority —  it also means that she endured a tragedy in which her little sister died because of said sister’s own actions As we’ve established - tragedy still exists. Either sister being gone is a tragedy. And Sumire who died - not because of Kasumi but because of her own fault? Its still tragic (once again, reminder: hardships and tragedy still occur here), but it’s not completely debilitating in the same way.

In light of what I saw happen so close to home, I don’t blame Yoshizawa for choosing this life at all. It’d be preferable to just have both sisters alive and together, but it does not appear that Maruki has control over what people wish for. If he did, then maybe he could restore her sister and help build up her confidence from there... that’d be greatly preferable. But if this is her biggest wish — to simply BE her sister and live life with Kasumi’s confidence — then I’m with MarukI: At least this lets her live her life happily and at peace. 

I get that it’s not the perfect solution. But I’ll take whatever option is available that prevents a situation like the doomed, self-destructive widower I mentioned three paragraphs earlier.

Maruki is Doing the Same Thing the Phantom Thieves Did... But Better

Based on the above, this seems pretty win-win for everyone (although Sumire is certainly a debatable case). Well... it’s a win-win for most everyone except Akechi; he interprets any change to the current timeline as a removal of his free will. (Which obviously isn’t completely true; we watch a whole load of characters making clear decisions and choices during this arc, even before they are ‘awakened’ from this reality and, if they accept Maruki’s reality? Even AFTER that, too. So Akechi is full of shit, ofc.) In fact, Akechi is so dead-set on following the path he already chose that he’s still grimly adamant about doing so after finding out that he’s dead in the original timeline. Akechi insists that only HE can choose what is the truth, which is very much aligned with how he used to frame people for crimes in order to get credit for their arrest :P .... AND also not at all far removed from Maruki’s stance. Except Akechi’s “truth” is self-destructive, and Maruki’s “truth” is a positive for goddamn everybody.

Explained another way: The Phantom Thieves as a whole are doing the same thing as Maruki, just on a smaller scale and without actually addressing the societal problems that create such unfairness. The Phantom Thieves have spent this entire game forcibly changing the hearts and cognition of criminals and awful people, but they’ve never bothered to examine the root of such problems. Maruki is simply taking a single swing at erasing systemic injustice and sudden-onset cruelty in the world. The Phantom Thieves are firefighters; Maruki is an architect. The Phantom Thieves are whacking down whatever moles may pop up, but Maruki? He’s dismantling the whole rigged-ass game.

And y’know, considering how much Joker and the Phantom Thieves talk about carving their own future and free will and stuff in the “True” ending.. they sure do strip a whole lot of people of THEIR free will during the game’s campaign, don’t they? 

But look, I’m sure they don’t care about that. Because somewhere along the line — and it’s hard to pinpoint exactly where —the Phantom Thieves stopped caring about other people. As in: Anybody outside of their own group.

The Phantom Thieves’ Great Big Selfish Dick Move

In the “True” route, once the Phantom Thieves remember their past lives, they struggle for a bit with the idea of whether they’re doing the right thing by opposing Dr. Maruki and the new timeline. He’s only trying to help people, after all. Including all of them.

But Ryuji gives a little speech that gets everybody on-board with changing Maruki’s heart and returning to the former reality.

WOO! FUCK everybody else who is living their lives happily! FUCK all the people who are now LITERALLY ALIVE in the new timeline! Let’s re-murder them, re-traumatize people we know (umm wasn’t Shiho literally raped in the original world? but not in this timeline?................... so WTF are you fucking doing you fucking monsters??????), because ONLY WE CAN DECIDE ON OUR REALITY! And we remember the old, shittier one right now, so let’s .... default to that one I guess! Despite the fact that this is one is already established to be EQUALLY FUCKING REAL.

Shockingly, the rest of the team chooses THIS is the time to finally fucking respect Ryuji. (NOTE: The time to respect Ryuji was, in truth, every single damn day BEFORE this one. He’s an excellent human being. Or... he was. Before this moment.)

BUT NOT EVERYBODY BELIEVES IN IT, YUSUKE! What about all those people who are happy here? And what about the fact that this reality isn’t any less real than your original one? Remember: This is LITERALLY happening. This is a valid AU. There’s no trickery employed. No illusions. This is a new timeline that is VERY real.

So, why?! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?!

.........................towards the end of the chapter, there’s an argument made that humanity has to suffer and overcome trials and struggle in order to develop and grow. Of course, we’ve fairly well shot down the idea that there’s zero suffering in this reality (see Concern #2 above) or that there’s no effort required (see Concern #3 above). But even if we hadn’t, there’s a bigger question to face here: Is there any evidence to suggest that people WON’T grow or evolve without struggle and suffering? Can we actually back that up, this idea that we have to “overcome” in order to become better people? 

I submit that we cannot. I further submit that this is the argument of the downtrodden; the argument of the sufferers who wish to justify their own misery to themselves. But in reality? They can’t say for certain that loss and trauma are “good.” 

In fact, let me argue right now that such things are inherently BAD. People who suffer from PTSD are far more likely to have suicidal ideation, and a 2021 study showed that suicide rates are more than four times higher for people suffering from PTSD than without. If we could really erase trauma and PTSD from our world, I think we can safely say it’d make a VERY lasting impact that would be EXTREMELY worth doing.

It seems that the “spirit of rebellion” within the Phantom Thieves extends to “any decision or idea any adult has ever implemented regardless of merit.” They’re teenagers, after all... and not a single one of them is as mature as someone like P3′s Mitsuru, so I accept that their knee-jerk rebellious instincts might be overriding their ability to think logically. 

Or, let’s be more charitable about it. MAJOR DIGRESSION: This could be a situation kind of like writing Star Trek: Insurrection. (I know most of you won’t understand what I’m referencing here. I’m sorry.) That movie presents a sticky ethical debate: Is it OK for a government to forcibly relocate a population of 600 people if their current homeland contains some natural healing mojo that could be used to save *billions* of people across the galaxy? Patrick Stewart once said that he was forced to make Picard very narrow-minded in order to serve the needs of the movie’s story. Because if that same story was presented in the format of multiple TV episodes, there would’ve been time to explore a bunch of alternative solutions that weren’t as binary as “force them out and take all the healing mojo OR leave them be and don’t take any of the healing mojo.” There would obviously be multiple negotiable middle grounds that just aren’t discussed because of time constraints. (To his credit, Picard DOES try to throw up a bunch of alternatives during his confrontation with a superior officer. They’re all shot down with hand-wavey explanations, but at least a few are suggested.)

DIGRESSION OVER. My point? Maybe that’s how it is here, too. Maybe the Phantom Thieves just can’t afford to sit around and discuss this matter in a serious debate because the game is already SUPER long; they need to get the fuck on with it and not just pump you full of non-interactive cutscenes, so Ryuji simplifies everything. ............. It’s just that he does so in a manner that makes the squad look really short-sighted and selfish.

In Conclusion

I took Maruki’s deal. That was MY ending to the game. And it might very well be the best ending available! Although I’d be willing to at least consider the original Non-Royal, didn’t-completely-Maruki’s-Confidant ending as a semi-contender... but DANG, yo. It’s tough to beat the Mega-Happy New Reality Ending. (I subsequently watched the rest of the “True” ending only on YouTube playthroughs, which is where I nabbed these screenshots.)

Taking Maruki’s deal results in basically everybody getting a fulfilling, beautiful life. Although I admit that I have no idea how Akechi is now part of the new reality... because he was never going to accept it, right? And we established repeatedly that those who don’t accept it can’t really reap the benefits, so... why is he now a legitimate “detective prince” whose external behavior from the first few chapters of P5 is now actually who he is inside? How’d THAT ever happen? Not sure about that shit.

Even so, it’s a long and beautiful ending full of gorgeous art of the squad all living their best lives. Morgana is relegated to just carrying “Miss Ann’s” bags while shopping, and he doesn’t even care - he’s just happy to be there. Makoto and Sae get to have dinners with their father again. Haru is more directly involved in the “Big Bang Burger” business, working to keep it ethical and respectful of the neighborhoods where they open as she prepares to carve her own path after high school. Makoto and Haru even get to graduate.

The whole thing wraps up with Sojiro inviting Joker to finish his high school experience in Tokyo. That’s right - he’s asked if he’d like to stay at the cafe and Shujin for his third and final year. Naturally, he’s happy to accept the offer. That means he’ll even be there for an overlap with Futaba’s FIRST year in high school. (Plus he no longer has to return to his small suburban town and his parents who NEVER ONCE CALLED OR MESSAGED DURING THE YEAR, WTF??? ............ or uh, maybe that happened offscreen?) 

It’s really weird how the writers of Persona 5 Royal SO THOROUGHLY argued against any possible downside of Maruki’s new reality. I get that they wanted a complex issue to grapple with, but if they really wanted us to choose to reject the new world and pursue the True Ending, they should’ve given us some kind of good reason, right? Even if it’s just a small reason, there’s got to be an argument that’s better than “I don’t like the idea that the timeline has changed”... which is ultimately all they’ve got. But I listed all the possible concerns above, and... they didn’t leave a single one of them standing. If they’d put just ONE of those potential problems in place, maybe I’d find the matter more debatable. 

Well, probably not Concern #5. That’s not really enough to justify erasing all this societal progress.

In the end, I’m left to ask you this:

#Maruki Was Right #takuto maruki #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #p5r #maruki did nothing wrong #persona 5 endings #persona 5 ending #p5r ending #p5r endings #star trek insurrection #LOL yes I'm including that #star trek: insurrection #persona #persona fandom #essays #personal essays #longreads #persona screenshots #long reads

[nerdlifeisbetterthanreallife]

I refuse to be anything but authentically me

I refuse to be anything but authentically me

TW: Parental Abuse, trauma, patterns of abuse One of my most significant traumas as a neurodivergent kid with an abusive parent was not knowing if I did something wrong because I had been too excited about something and did it anyway without asking my dad’s permission. I would learn What I did was wrong when My dad got home and I either got hit or screamed at until I cried and if I did cry I…

View On WordPress

#ADHD #Neurodivergent #personal essays #reflections #trans

[kateubanks]

#1 Sylvia Plath and the Adolescent Girl

The year is 2019, and I'm in my senior AP Lit class because I was obviously that brand of over-achiever. We were assigned to write in-depth analyses of poems of our choice, preferably from one of "the greats."

I landed upon Sylvia Plath because Google told me she was "edgy and different," and I chose "Morning Song" because the title sounded pretty. Top-tier decision-making.

Here's the poem. In short, it focuses on her feelings towards motherhood, specifically in a child's earliest days. I won't go into too much detail on this poem. If you want a better discussion of it, check out this great post I found.

So. There I am, all of seventeen years old, writing about how motherhood might change a person's life -- how the reflection in the mirror will look unfamiliar, how you begin to value another's existence over your own. Meanwhile, my largest issue in life is paying my rent. Which, to be fair, isn't a great issue for a teenager to have. The point is that I know nothing about motherhood, and I'm very good at bullshitting because I got a 96 on the paper (damn formatting; it'll get ya' every time).

Despite my inability to relate to its intended meaning, I loved the writing. It was flowery and sweet on the tongue. I could read it over and over again without getting bored. Each word had a new meaning after every read. When the project ended, I used my grungy tip money from a certain nameless drive-in to purchase a Sylvia Plath poetry collection at my local Barnes and Nobel.

And thus, the love affair began. I was hooked. It was the first time I felt that literature -- as lifeless as it may appear -- understood me. A woman who lived a much different life than mine decades prior had been able to translate my feelings into words, and the stars had aligned perfectly for me to discover her one fateful Tuesday morning in English class.

The human condition never changes, no matter the circumstances. Romance is always romance, and a suicidal teenaged girl is always a suicidal teenaged girl. She'll always think of red poppy fields when she sees her own blood. She'll listen for her father in seashells. She'll believe that she can come back to life, whether it's 1963 or 2015.

So, all of that being said might seem antithetical to my argument moving forward. . .

This is from an article on Sylvia Plath as America's "cinematic sad girl":

Because Plath's work has become synonymous with pain and suffering, her name is watered down to nothing more than a tragic figure instead of one that, despite her suicidal tendencies, possessed profound hope.

As a whole, we tend to look down upon things that teenaged girls enjoy. Look at Twilight, and Uggs, and Starbucks, and basically every young-adult romcom. We see them as trivial, basic, or *gasp* girly. Because there's absolutely nothing worse than being associated with women (the horror!).

Let's be clear. This sentiment is rooted in sexism. I believe something to this degree occurs a bit with our dear Plath, with a dash of good, old-fashioned, mental health stigmas. Another except from our previous article:

There are countless examples of other characters in film and television using The Bell Jar or Plath's name as a synonym for 'depressed,' 'complicated,' or 'overdramatic', emphasizing her misinterpretation in the cultural lexicon.

Why do I care? I love Plath. I'm not claiming that the bulk of her work isn't about her struggle with mental health, or that you should love her, too. Just to post the question: is the issue Plath's focus on her mental health, or that too many teenaged girls relate to her, so we must shit on her because something that women enjoy must be awful?

And with that, I will leave you all with a short list of some of my favorite Plath poems.

Lady Lazarus

On the Decline of Oracles

Fever 103°

Wreath for a Bridal

Ella Mason and Her Eleven Cats

#sylvia plath #plath #essay writing #literature #poetry #writing #personal essays #poetry analysis #analysis #12possums #kateubanks

[pinkrabbitsbythenational]

hello! i now have a medium account, where i recently published a self-authored collection of short stories and personal stories, if anybody is interested in that sort of thing

https://medium.com/@corsiniha/i-have-been-gone-too-long-2f6f82549fe3

#thoughts #horror #feminist fiction #personal essays #my writing