#it hurts so much i’m sooo unwell

[anna-scribbles]

“He was— He was my ‘buttercup’,” she sobbed out, and his hand gripped her far shoulder, “And I— I never even— I never got to tell him how much he m-meant to me— not even th-the stupid sun thing—”

“Oh… Marinette…” he whispered, his nose brushing against her hair, “The sun thing wasn’t stupid.”

this scene from chapter 6 of drowning (in plain sight) by @buggachat has PLAGUED me since i read it i am deeply unwell

#my art #ml #ml fic rec #miraculous ladybug #ladynoir #ladybug #chat noir #is it monday yet. is it monday yet. #ugh this fic makes me SICK #it hurts so much i’m sooo unwell #buggachat just. creates scenarios which wrench all my guts in such a specific way #thank you for your service queen. i’m doing so bad #would really really really like for things to get better soon #or keep making them suffer. i will absolutely be reading either way #also i colored this in sort of a different way than usual and it was fun #okay goodnight.

[paperstorm]

Yeeeesss I am sooo on board with the idea that Carlos was ✨unwell✨ during the period between the fire and buying the loft and I 100% agree that this is what ultimately led to his mistake of buying the loft without consulting TK. We see it directly after the fire where he is literally breaking down and apologizing to TK for not having fire extinguisher upstairs. He immediately shoulders the blame for the fire, even with TK rushing to assure him it wasn’t his fault. I think he most likely still internalized this guilt and had a really deep desire to show TK that he could still take care of them. Them having to stay with Owen is a failure in his eyes and he would have been desperate to get them out. It doesn’t make how he handled it right, but it does make it very sad. And with how we know TK reacts to his attempt to give them a new home, it makes me very sad for him.

*disclaimer that I love both of these boys so much and think they both made mistakes in this storyline. I just get in my feels when I think about post fire pre ice storm Tarlos *

I’m so obsessed with his mental and emotional state in that period. What always gets me is how short the time was that TK actually lived with him. If you look at the timeline it isn’t more than like 2-3 weeks. Carlos, who values himself only insofar as he is able to take care of and provide for the people he loves and TK is at the top of that list, was only able to keep him safe (in his mind) for a few weeks. And then someone broke in and he didn’t notice, and he pulled TK away from the alarm, and he didn’t have a fire extinguisher. That would have just completely broken him. Shattered his sense of self, really, because who is he if he can’t even keep TK safe for a full month? And living with the burden and shame of that and then being thrust into the situation where he’s having to live under the same roof as owen and mateo, where it’s not his house and he can’t be in control, and he can’t love TK the way he needs to because there’s always someone there. It’s such a low moment for him and it fully makes sense to me that he overcorrected and bought the loft because he was so deep in his trauma and in his *need* to take care of TK forever to make up for his perceived failures. It’s just a fascinating moment in his story. It HURTS but it’s so juicy.

#911ls asks

[ssreeder]

Loved the latest chapter, it hurt so good! and now I'm super worried for Sokka. Hakoda's feelings are fair in the situation, but his immediate betrayal of Sokka's trust was painful. When Sokka inevitably finds out about the Secret Zuko Discussions™ and their eventual decision its gonna mess him up :(((( Can they ever catch a break??? Will we get more private zukka moments with the SWT watching them all the time??? im begging

Ok so first of all… Secret Zuko Discussions is an awesome name & I’m stealing that, thanks.

Secondly.... I have gotten a lot of mixed feelings about Hakoda telling Bato & Gilak about Sokka’s Secret. (Which isn’t even really sokkas secret lol) but we all know all things Zuko are also Sokka so I guess we can let THAT slide….

& yesssss, it was shitty to turn around & break his promise...

......but was it though…? (I may rant a bit under the cut lol)

Ok unpopular opinion & y’all can yell at me if you need to… 

but Hakoda did technically leave his children home with his mother to lead his men into battle. A decision I respect because I see the reasoning, even if I don’t totally support it.... A battle they have all been actively fighting for two years away from home… Hakoda has a responsibility to these men to lead them and protect them… A responsibility he chose when he decided to leave for war.

YES we all love Zuko. Yes we know he won’t hurt Sokka’s people and is actually a good guy deep down… but Hakoda doesn’t know this. All he knows is the small amount of what Sokka & Morrak told him. His job is to protect Sokka and his people, and Zuko being Prince of the Fire Nation, son of Ozai, is a lot for someone to process.

If it were to get out that Hakoda knew who Zuko was & didn’t tell anyone... what would that say about his loyalties? YES should be loyal to Sokka, and yeah it’s shitty he had to break a promise he had no right making, but he is in charge of the safety of a large group of people. & that includes Sokka.

Zuko is a threat, idc that we like him, or that we want to protect him & that he has done so much for Sokka... he is dangerous. & they already know he is a fire bender, so he isn’t really sliding under any radars already lol. 

If Hakoda didn’t keep his leadership in the loop with what was happening he wouldn’t be a good leader to his people. He needs Bato & Gilak to help him keep this situation contained and have his back if this were to blow up in his face. We also need to trust that Hakoda knows what he is doing and trusts these men enough to support him and help him do whats best.

So yeah…. It sucks, but also…. Hakoda is just trying to keep everyone safe until he knows more. 

This does also benefit the boys, because they aren’t LYING to anyone, and Hakoda isn’t a BAD GUY (so he isn’t going to torture Zuko or hurt him in anyway). He is just a father trying to do what’s best for his son and his people.. and sorry Zuko but you’re not one of them. Shit, Hakoda doesn’t even see their RELATIONSHIP he is so turned around with what’s happening. 

(As for Hakoda’s dramatic and irrational thoughts.... *peeks at Sokka* like father like son I guess? He had to get is from SOMEWHERE....)

Sorry to use your ask anon but I thought I’d go ahead & discuss the Secret Zuko Discussions because a lot of people felt that Hakoda betrayed Sokka (which he kind of did…. but also not really) He did 100000% break his promise though sooo.... BAD HAKODA!! You should do what your mentally unwell son tells you to do! JEEZ!

AS FOR PRIVATE ZUKKA MOMENTS???

I don’t think anyone could keep the Blue Spirit & his side kick the (Red Spirit? Is that the name Sokka picked for himself idk lol) from getting some private time together ;)

#we have had a lot of angst #& a lot of sad stuff happen #but now we can relax and I promise there will be some more zukka moments in the future #the boys deserve to be close #I’m not saying they won’t have some… ummm…. things to discuss #& Zuko tends to get dramatic #& well…. Sokka also tends to get dramatic #so there will be THAT…. #but they���re in love #& they will want to be close at some point #so don’t worry #we’ll get some tree comfort lol #YAY! #liab #ria #ask #sorry for using your as to rant #I wasn’t intending to #but I just thought id support poor Hakoda #cause some of yall are MEAN TO HIM!

[kithtaehyung]

Hey ryen 🤗 I took some notes while reading 3tan9 yesterday. The fic dropped at 1am my time and i had to clean my notes up a little so i would not be too embarrassed by the MESS I wrote but be warned because this is still messy😄 (did not want to get rid of my real live reaction I guess) also the last paragraph I wrote at 4am so… yeah. This is kinda long so take all the time you want with reading and replying😊

heart lifeless next to his shoes

Nooooo but also sooo well written!!!!😩

Kicking My FUCKINGGG BLANKET HEEE DOES NOT THINK IS IS HIIIIMM SHE IS SEEING. AAAAAAAHHH (okay after finishing the scene he thought it was him but not wanting her to confess? I am confused did he get it right away or was he doubting himself and just played it off?)

Your voice cracks as your stars burn out. Your universe collapses in on itself, plunging into your throat and choking you in an instant.

This is sooo fucking hurtful but so beautiful worded

But I’m really fucking into you, doll. I have been for a long time.

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THIS HAS ME SCREAAAAMING AND GIGGELING ROLLING AROUND IN MY BED LIKE A MANIAC (even just rereading these worts now makes me giddy. I am sooo close to giggleing like a school girl. I am unwell)

Her CONFESSION AND HIS HOLD GOT TIGHTER I AM DYING THIS IS SOOO ADORABLE (also love love love that oc ignored her insecurities to reassure him💕💕😭)

Whatever you want it’s yours- I AM SOBBING MA’AM HOW DARE YOUU

Insecurities last. This is soo amazing feels like reading poetry

Ohhh my god it is nooone of them bro is none of them I thought it was namjoon for sure!! But i loooved this story. Really really amazing and i just flew through it!! I want to know what went down with kook exactly but i feel like this is a great point for your break. Bc my babies are HAPPY AAAAHHHH

Love love loved this chapter!!! not gonna lie you had me in the first half. I was anxious that this was gonna be suuuper angsty but it wasn’t it was sooo adorable and sweet and I was so happy reading this!!! The way you compared love to the deep blue sea and the moonlight and stars comparisons 🥰and ahhh it felt so poetic and made me feel the love and oh my GOD i am so happy! this was so sweet!!!

Oh my good i am so happy that this turned out so sweet although it hurt a lil bit (or a lot) for a while there.❤️‍🩹 but its okay bc it tured out good. (And even if it did not, these are your storys and you can do with them whatever you want) Also Ryen what are you talking about „long wait“ you have been keeping us fed this whole time with all your work.

Wait just remembered you spoiler out of Context what was that about? I don’t remember a green tote was that oc overnight bag? I thought she had a backpack i am confused. Was the trash when oc wanted to throw the tangerine peel away?? there was so much going on so I think i missed it. 🙈

This was such a great read!! it was a whirlwind of emotions I love it so much and thank you so much for sharing this story with us.

(Also I think there is definitely something going on or going to happen between bro and yuri)

Ooooh and I loved the „It’s been a year“ line when it has been almost been a year since 3tan dropped and this was such a meta moment 🤭

I hope you can relax during your break, enjoy your time and get some well deserved rest!!!🍀✨🍊

-🧶🍁

AHHH BABY this is incredibly special and thoughtful of you?? holy hell! i love the note taking and all the thoughts don't mind messes at aLL. let me put my response under a cut my gosh i am so excited to dive into this

the heart next to his shoes. ah, yoongi... you old, silly man.

in the kitchen, you got it right the first time: yoongi was being cheeky and making reader say it. he knew what she meant, but he didn't wanna lean into it so easily. he wanted her to say it, so when she didn't outright, he went cheeky with it as an out for her to take. it's funny but it's also sad.

"Your voice cracks as your stars burn out. Your universe collapses in on itself, plunging into your throat and choking you in an instant." yeah this one def was a punch to the gut, but i'm glad you think it's good :(((

"But I’m really fucking into you, doll. I have been for a long time."AHH I WAS KICKING AND SCREAMING AND BLANKET KICKING DURING THIS ONE TOOOO MY GOD LIKE REALLY YOONGI?? REALLY.

the confessions. all the confessions. my god i love them so damn much and his little actions and tendencies have me wanting to wrap him up and never let him go. him and reader honestly, since she was so, so strong in this chapter. the growth is honestly amazing.

"Whatever you want it’s yours-" YEAHHH IM NOT OK EITHER WHO TOLD HIM THIS WAS OK TO SAY??

"Insecurities last. This is soo amazing feels like reading poetry" thank you so much, babe! i'm touched that you think it flows like poetry ugh i love you.

"Ohhh my god it is nooone of them bro is none of them I thought it was namjoon for sure!! But i loooved this story. Really really amazing and i just flew through it!! I want to know what went down with kook exactly but i feel like this is a great point for your break. Bc my babies are HAPPY AAAAHHHH" ITS NONE OF THEMMMM i know most people thought namjoon, but to that i say: you can just imagine a joonie clone or something kdjsfhsf if you flew through the chapter then that's good for writing sake! means it read well and wasn't bumpy. good feedback. and i'm glad you think it's a good spot for a break!

"Love love loved this chapter!!! not gonna lie you had me in the first half. I was anxious that this was gonna be suuuper angsty but it wasn’t it was sooo adorable and sweet and I was so happy reading this!!! The way you compared love to the deep blue sea and the moonlight and stars comparisons 🥰and ahhh it felt so poetic and made me feel the love and oh my GOD i am so happy! this was so sweet!!!" it was still pretty angsty! but then it wasn't. it beautifully wasn't angsty afterwards - we just had to get through the muddy water first. and i'm glad you liked the deep sea and moonlight and stars! i love imagery like that bc the moon also controls the tides, so i wanted to tie those all together.

"Oh my good i am so happy that this turned out so sweet although it hurt a lil bit (or a lot) for a while there.❤️‍🩹 but its okay bc it tured out good. (And even if it did not, these are your storys and you can do with them whatever you want) Also Ryen what are you talking about „long wait“ you have been keeping us fed this whole time with all your work." AHHH thank you so much, babe. i have a no sad endings policy but that means i get too drag us through hell first LMAO and i guess you're right about the wait! i think i just meant from the last main part since that came out in august? late july? something like that.

"Wait just remembered you spoiler out of Context what was that about? I don’t remember a green tote was that oc overnight bag? I thought she had a backpack i am confused. Was the trash when oc wanted to throw the tangerine peel away?? there was so much going on so I think i missed it. 🙈" the green tote was signifying the bag reader brought tangerines in, and then the trash was from her almost throwing the tangerine (a metaphor) away.

"This was such a great read!! it was a whirlwind of emotions I love it so much and thank you so much for sharing this story with us. (Also I think there is definitely something going on or going to happen between bro and yuri)" glad it was a good read! the emotions were plenty, for sure. and you're so welcome, and thank you for reading<33 and you think something about bro and yuri, huh? even though rohan is with yuri?? oh nO

"Ooooh and I loved the „It’s been a year“ line when it has been almost been a year since 3tan dropped and this was such a meta moment 🤭" YESSSS i thought that was so fitting honestly. glad you noticed LOL

"I hope you can relax during your break, enjoy your time and get some well deserved rest!!!🍀✨🍊" thank you so much, baby. i shall have a good time during break and we will still have fun! :D this was amazing feedback and i am so so grateful. it made me happy and all the hard writing days so worth it.

#you are incredible #🧶🍁 anon #lovely people #asks:3tan #3tan9 #3tan spoilers #3tanbro #*ryenfictalk #long post #mailbox💌

[dadkisser15]

YAP YAP YAP YAPPPPPPPPPP!!!!

just some thoughts s….

(I’m cooked)

I wish I could put it into words how much I like this guy

When I think about it, it feels simple and makes me happy but when it comes to articulating my feelings into words I stumble and struggle.

Maybe I’m scared of vulnerability, which is fair I have my reasons to be scared. I don’t want to do or say something that’ll just fuck up something good likeeee not trying to be a negative Nancy here but I just want to be weary when it comes to stuff like this, I know that jumping into things too quickly or assuming another persons feeling is like the worst thing you could do when you LIKE somebody.

But I realllly wish I could just express these feelings, I want him to know how simply hearing his voice and his presence alone makes my face warm and my chest feel funny.

He’s one of the funniest, smartest and most realest person I know; i wish he could see himself in my eyes, i want him to know how great he is.I know I would NEVER be able to say that to him like even if I tried I’d probably get too embarrassed and make a fool of myself and just thinking about repeating anything I just wrote has my THROAT hurting and my eyes watery (not in a bad way just big emotions get me overwhelmed)

God, like all this shit feels so corny (cause it is) but being genuine like this is always gonna sound sooo corny but I can’t help the way I feel orrrr maybe I can and I’m just torturing myself. But whatever I just wanted to write about my feelings because I’ve been having a lot of moments where I’ve almost just blurted out things I just CANNOT say to my friend. Like, I was fighting some crazy demons last night speaking with him (😭), the amount of times I wanted to tell him how his voice was so nice and calming andddd oh so sweet. (Gross) Those feelings mixed with my exhausted state did NOT mix well and ohh my god his voice when he’s tired?? So fucking !!!!!!! SCRUMPTIOUS. (Sorry) sorry sorry sorry that’s NOT what I need to be sharing but oh my gosh I cannot. Like I can never get sick of hearing it, even when he’s making dumb voices I can’t help but just grin like I’m mentally UNWELL. I could never talk to any of my friends about it because well partially It’ll get annoying and repetitive but also because they would probably call me crazy for being like this BUT GUYSSSSS A BITCH CANNOT HELP HERSELF (idk if yall watch Britney broski but any clip of her pretending to rip her skin off is me right now.)

Yeah, imm so dramatic sorry chat!!!!! Tumblrs gonna be my best friend right now since I literally don’t have anyone else to talk to / I’m too embarrassed to talk to anyone about this 😭 I’m actively pushing these feelings into a corner in my head but at the same time I’m just making it worse because not talking about it makes it harder for me to be CALM and not act like a fuckingggbgfn lunatic.

Anyways, just writing about my bestie 😜

#guys… this is not okay #mentally deranged #lalalalala #lalalala #he so fine #my man my man my man #he is so fine #he is not MINE #guysssss #GUYSSUHHH #i need him #i need him carnally

[daintydolllog]

I don’t know the exact date but somewhere a few days before September 12th.

I met a new boy, on a goofy ass app! He messaged me something idk and we started talking at the moment I wasn’t thinking anything of it like I had interest in him but it completely died after he did it said something to me, so I blocked him. Few days later I get back on the app and see he messaged me, I reply 😭 and I told him my phone got turnt off <knowing I was lying> I talked to him from the app for a few days and decided to unblock him and message him to see if it would go through idk why it wouldn’t but! 😊 it did.

Um sooo it progressed he asked to come over to my house…I was on the fence about it but I gave him my address and told him he could come the day after I had given it to him, so he comes over and he takes me to the park! And we color it was awkward ofc because I’m odd around new people and idk what to do or how to interact with him so I colored and talked and what not, then we got done! And we drove back to my house but I just sat in the car with him the whole time YK and showed him my collectibles gave him a bracelet ( THAT BROKE ) and gave him my Ronald Weasley block head! That was my favorite and meant a lot to me but, I gave it to em and it’s still on his dash board today!!! It’s so cute 🥰 um moving on after that we started talking more and what not and I just don’t feel like it’s a rush to text him or we have to text or talk all the time for us to be ok! And I like and feel secure in that due to my past relationships I always felt upset or overwhelmed or ignored when I didn’t get a response and now I don’t and I don’t even think that has anything to do with him! I’m just emotionally and mentally drained from my last relationship that I have a “whatever happens happens” mindset in order to protect my peace and get closer to my higher self and consciousness. I don’t know if I like like him to date him or be in a actual relationship but I also have no issues waiting to explore my feelings with someone new and I hope he’s genuine with me and patient because being with someone like me takes time and patience. I feel good not rushing things, but I am upset that he has gotten to meet almost my whole family yet he’s so scared about telling his mom about me… I just don’t find it fair because me, I hate people in my BUSINESS I don’t care who it is especially my family I wish I could date him and explore what life would be like with him before having to bring him around my family. They’re approval DOESNT and will never matter to me what’s best for ME is what matters for ME and my opinions on my relationships only. So it just kinda hurts that he doesn’t wanna tell her, honestly I don’t care that he doesn’t want to it’s just the principle and fairness of everything … I already feel like im risking soooo much for him and i don’t like it. My mental health, physical and emotional health will all decline if im done wrong..

I was barely able to keep my life together when I found out a guy I was dating whom I never actually liked cheated and lied to my face… I was more so upset that I didn’t prove my point to myself and it was a false and delusional narrative I could have avoided because my guy and mind told me to but I just didn’t listen.

At the moment I feel like our relationships a bit one sided but I’m not used to communicating what I want because I always feel like it will never be reciprocated or I just feel ashamed when asking anyone for anything so I rarely ask for anything even in my deepest time of need. I also know if I never ask the answer will always be no…so maybe that’s something I have to work on myself… I do believe I’m crazy or insane maybe not even that I’m just mentally unwell in the best way possible but also not….

I hope he does right by me and I get the love I long and deserve

Honesty

Trust

Beauty

Passion

Dignity

Loyalty

And love.

[fairyfuyu]

Oh you also just started reading the MHA manga too? I’m currently behind on the tv show. I left off at S4 & a friend of mine spoiled some BIG stuff in S5 sooo I now can’t f****** watch it for a long time bc it’s replaying in my head. This also means I can’t read the manga bc this also reminds me of the spoiler……And now I’m forced to avoid reading fanfics most of the time…..I’m trying to forget about by to create obsession over a new show but FOMO is no joke😭…..

But on the bright side I took up this series called “Chainsawman” and FINALLY started watching “Demon Slayer” so these are taking my mind off of MHA. I’m sorry about this random rant but it’s weirdly nice to see that I’m not alone here.

spoilers will always getcha 😩😩 i spoiled for myself something that happened in the mha manga post anime so thats why im reading it now ekxhskwb i just couldnt not figure out what/how it happened and all that and now i am ……. unwell

like.. its so good…….. but man does my heart be hurting with every fucking chapter

csm is so so good tho !!!!!!! aki is a literal angel i love him so much 🥺 and i havent watched ANY of the new season of demon slayer im so behind (shh dont tell anyone) but classes have just been killing me😩im so happy it’s officially summer break for me (well… after tomorrow…… but djhckshd practically the same thing) and you best believe i will be watching SO many series on my watchlist (fruits basket im looking @ you)

also this totally doesnt have anything to do w what you talked about nonnie but now you got me rambling so i apologize JEHDKWN but im gonna try to learn japanese this summer !! or at least start to, ive started learning the hiragana and katakana writing systems but as far as words and phrases ….. i only know how to say/write so far: おはよう！♡

THAT BEING SAID :: if you / anyone know good anime to watch / manga to read that have helped with learning japanese conversation at all (esp w kanji ….. shit is so scary theres so many characters im😵‍💫) I AM ALL EARS !!!!

#wow that was a lot #im so sorry nonnie #i am just the chatter box today it seems #but also i feel like i havent been on here at all in so long bc of finals😩😩 #i miss u all #jehcjwdhwk #⋆｡°✩ letters for honey ✩°｡⋆ #⋆ ˚｡⋆୨୧˚ nonnie ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

[gumnut-logic]

Callisto (Part 9 - Retreat)

Prologue 1. Incident - Bit 1 | Bit 2 2. Fallout - Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 3. Voyage - Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 4. Arrival - Bit 1 | Bit 2 5. Orientation 6. Rescue Site 7. Investigation 8. Recovery 9. Retreat

And I clocked over 5000 words on this chapter, too. Oops. Lots of John one-on-one with both Virgil and Scott. Including a bit of mild whump which I quite enjoyed :D

As always, many thanks to @janetm74​ @tsarinatorment​ @vegetacide​ @scribbles97​ and @onereyofstarlight​ for all their amazing help and support. you guys rock :D

And thank you to all of you who commented and liked last week’s chapter. It all means so much to me. Thank you sooo much for your support with this crazy endeavour ::hugs::

I hope you enjoy this chapter.

-o-o-o-

They dug the pod out of the ice, Lee and Alan tackling it while Virgil assessed Four.

Virgil was exhausted and worried. And shaky if he wanted to admit it, which he didn’t.

Ice echoed in the back of his mind where he refused to acknowledge it.

Eos kept them updated on the now quiescent water levels. There were no more reported seismic incidents. Everything was as quiet as it was before.

Except now the sparkle of crystal was far more sinister.

Virgil would be so much happier being not here.

He managed to activate the functional hoverjets on Four and with some heavy lifter muscles on the end of the appropriate toolset, he was able to relocate some of them to areas on Four’s hull that needed the support. He unwedged her roof from the rock wall, tipped her onto her belly, and, climbing inside, managed to get her moving in a stuttering echo of her usual smooth and darting operation.

The cockpit was partially crumpled on one side. Some hasty oxygen-assisted welding secured part of Gordon’s pilot’s chair back into place. Not perfect but it would do the job for now. It would not be the most comfortable ride.

“Virgil, what are you doing?” John’s voice was exasperated.

“What does it look like?” He had zero patience and just wanted to get his brother’s ‘bird back to Three so she could ultimately be taken home. There was no way he was leaving her here any more than he would have left her at the bottom of the ocean.

“Virgil, you shouldn’t be flying. I’ll take her.”

“I’m fine. Let’s just get this done.” Then he could check on his brothers.

The cave glittered at him through mangled viewports. It was still beautiful, but he no longer trusted it. He wanted out. “Have you recovered the pod yet?”

“Clearing the last of it now.” An indrawn breath. “Virgil-“

“Is it functional?”

An abrupt silence at the other end of his comms sketched out the thinned lips and frown John was no doubt sporting. “There appears to be minimal damage.”

“I’ll meet you in the Dry Cavern. I’ll need help to get Four out.”

Ignoring John’s protests, Virgil pushed the injured sub past the still partially iced in dragonfly and down the kilometre long tunnel to the exit cave.

Reaching the floor of the dry expanse ahead of his brother and uncle gave him a moment to himself. He sat back in the remains of Gordon’s pilot’s chair and closed his eyes.

It was so tempting to just let go, to give in to the phantoms teasing at the edge of his mind. But he couldn’t afford a breakdown right now. Scott was injured and their brothers were depending on him.

He had to keep control.

If only his head would stop hurting.

His eyes did not want to open again.

Consequently, it took John calling his name to ‘wake’ him.

Virgil startled to find both his astronaut brother and Uncle Lee glaring at him through the remains of the marine acrylic in Four’s viewports.

“Virgil?”

“What?”

“Are you okay?”

“I was just resting my eyes.”

John’s lips now appeared to be permanently thinned...and about to call him on his bullshit.

Virgil didn’t let him. “Hook up a tow line. We need to get Four above ground.”

His space brother did not stop glaring, but at least he decided that towing Virgil was better than arguing further.

They could meet half way.

Uncle Lee, sparing Virgil a worried glance or two, secured the line as Virgil sat and watched - an odd sensation since usually he would be the one out there doing what needed to be done. Perhaps it was a sign of exactly how gone he actually was.

Get Four to Three.

Get his brother and Uncle back to the Base.

Check on Scott and Gordon.

He was clinging to his list of goals and he knew it, but the alternative was very unproductive.

He startled again as John signalled his readiness. The dragonfly gently tugged on the line as it lifted smoothly off the ground.

Virgil shook himself and activated the hoverjets best to assist with the tow and then he was airborne. They coasted the long mole-made tunnel, took a sharp turn and climbing the vertical drop made by Three, shot into the open.

Jupiter glared balefully out of the darkness.

From there it was a blur of ‘Virgil, stay there’ and Four being hoisted into the huge, red spacecraft, the close of her hatch and the blessed familiarity of Alan’s ‘bird.

Virgil climbed slowly out of Four as John and Uncle Lee stowed the dragonfly, and clambered to the ladder that would take him to her cockpit. It was likely a further sign of his exhaustion that he had to think which way Three was currently situated. She was nose down, which meant he had to climb down.

The ladder looked like it stretched on forever and a rogue part of his mind pondered exactly how hard he would hit bottom if he just jumped.

He was ever so tired, but he couldn’t stay here, so he forced one foot after the other and began the descent.

Halfway down dizziness hit him again.

It was all he could do to cling to the ladder to prevent himself from falling.

And this time it didn’t go away.

“Virgil!” John’s voice was like a beacon in the darkness of a roiling stomach and a pounding head. Virgil had his eyes clenched shut.

The clatter of boots on rungs, hands caught him under his arms and he was being urged to continue down. “C’mon, not far to go.” John’s voice was ever so soft in his helmet. Gentle. Reassuring.

Virgil took that first crucial step and let himself drop another controlled step while mentally clinging to his stomach.

The dizziness disappeared.

Oh god.

The relief almost had him letting go of the ladder, but strong arms held him and continued to guide him down step by step. His stomach protested the entire way as if this bout of dizziness was the last straw.

John helped him through the main hatch and, from there, Virgil flung off his helmet and stumbled to the facilities.

Fortunately, there was very little in his stomach to expel, but that didn’t stop it from spasming repeatedly.

Low gravity environments sucked.

This would have been the perfect opportunity to curl up in a ball of misery on the bathroom floor, but space bathrooms sucked as much as space itself.

It became very clear that his head and body had had enough and if it wasn’t for John he probably would have fallen to that floor anyway.

“Virgil.” His brother caught him gently, drawing his head to his shoulder. Virgil didn’t have the energy to resist. “You are going to the infirmary.”

“John-“ But his head throbbed and he clenched his eyes shut in pain.

“No arguments.” In the light gravity, John lifted Virgil up and, leaving the bathroom, carried him down the corridor towards Three’s tiny infirmary.

“John-“ This was a first. Virgil usually did the carrying. The thought bounced through his aching head. But before he knew it, he was being strapped into a soft bed.

Opening his eyes would involve more than he had.

Yellow light flickered over his eyelids. Machinery beeped as John mumbled something, possibly into his comms, but Virgil had nothing left. The phantoms swooped in and the ice swallowed him whole.

-o-o-o-

John was used to worrying about his brothers. So often he was so far away when they were in peril. But as Virgil’s hand fell limp in his, John’s heart clenched.

Both of them had been running on adrenalin. He had watched as Virgil performed as he always did when needed despite being ill.

Many times John had listened to his brothers over comms, their voices strained by what they had seen and experienced. Hell, this wasn’t John’s first rodeo, he knew what it sometimes took on a rescue.

He’d done it himself.

That didn’t mean it didn’t hurt when it happened again.

The medscanner flickered over his brother casting his pale skin in an even sicklier shade.

Stress factors were flagged. Virgil’s heartrate was up and his blood pressure was far from happy. But there was no injury.

John frowned. Virgil had been unconscious at least part of the time he was buried in the ice. He was obviously unwell and was showing all the signs of a head injury.

But there was none.

He poked the scanner as if he could drag further information out of it.

But no, it reported Virgil as stressed, tired, possibly exhausted, but there was no explanation for the symptoms he was displaying apart from some tightening of the blood vessels in his brother’s brain. Classic sign of a headache.

“John, all vehicles are stowed. You wanna drive?” Uncle Lee’s voice over comms snapped him out of staring at his brother’s medical readouts.

Virgil was asleep, restless, but asleep. He was safe for the moment. Perhaps it was just exhaustion. His brothers were well known for pushing it too far.

Perhaps it was psychological. It would be fair considering his history with ice.

But it still didn’t quite add up and it gnawed at him. He had seen his big brother tackle this issue before. It still didn’t quite sit right.

But now the priority was to get Virgil back to his brothers, and reunite with Scott, Gordon, Alan and their father.

John double-checked the patient was secure and deployed the bed pivot that would support him when the ship flipped in flight.

“FAB, Uncle Lee.” He said the words at almost the same time he entered the cockpit.

It was strange to be here without Alan. It had been a long time since Three had been his ‘bird. Even then it hadn’t really been his. It had been Dad’s and then Alan’s. John had only been her pilot out of necessity.

Sliding into the pilot’s seat, all his reflexes shifted to the needs of the Thunderbird. Pre-flight was worked through at speed, Uncle Lee providing the input needed.

Eos chimed in with clearance for their flightpath.

Callisto Base acknowledged they would be arriving in minutes.

John fired her thrusters and launched Three into the thin atmosphere of Callisto, pivoting her mid-air and taking off in a southerly direction.

The trip was very short, barely worth igniting her engines, but honestly, John was grateful.

Three hovered in the massive airlock once again and it grated on John’s need for speed. The equations that listed the reasons why those doors were so ponderous gave him plenty of explanation, but he had no patience for physics at the moment.

Landing Three was like exhaling in relief.

Their father met them on the gantry. John towed Virgil out of Three on the bed he was still sleeping on, hoverjets keeping him level and secure. The fact he had not woken despite launch and landing was just a further sign of his brother’s exhaustion.

Uncle Lee followed them out without a word.

If John was irrationally grateful for his father’s hand landing on his shoulder, he wasn’t going to examine it too closely.

Concerned grey eyes stared down at Virgil...

“He’s sleeping, Dad. Exhaustion appears to be the culprit.” His father looked up at him and John swallowed. “That’s all I could find.”

A nod and they hurried Virgil off to the Base medical centre.

Grae had set aside a part of the small facility with enough beds to support the injured Tracy brothers. John, Virgil and their father entered in the middle of an argument.

“I’m not going up to Five! It’s a broken arm, Scott, that’s all.” Gordon’s expression was furious. He was sitting up in bed, his arm in a plastic cast. It was obvious Gordon wasn’t well. There was no spark about him. The impression was grey where there was usually sun.

Scott’s response was appropriate. “It’s enough! You are off rescues until it is healed. You know that is the rule. Health first!” Their eldest brother was sitting in a chair beside the Fish’s bed. A bed behind him had mussed covers and was obviously where he was supposed to be.

It was ever so typical that he wasn’t.

Either way, John took some comfort in finding both brothers conscious despite their injuries.

Of course, that meant yelling.

“We’re in space!”

“You’re not crucial to this mission!”

“It’s underwater! I call that crucial!”

“Gordon-“

“Scott-“

“WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!”

Their father’s voice cut across the yelling enough to disturb Virgil who groaned in his sleep and attempted to roll over. The groan turned into a whimper and his brow crumpled.

That shut everyone up.

Scott tried to stand and move to his prone brother’s side, but wavered. Alan who had been sitting wide-eyed next to him, hurried to steady his big brother.

John touched a finger to Virgil’s cheek and murmured soft words of reassurance. The unconscious engineer leant into his hand, eyes still closed, and settled back into his uneasy sleep.

Alan was trying to wrestle Scott back to bed with little success, until their father strode over and made some silent but very firm gestures in the direction of the empty bed.

Scott wilted in Alan’s grip and did as he was told.

But his eyes did not leave Virgil or Gordon alone, darting worriedly between them.

John docked the hover stretcher into place beside Gordon. His positioning was purposeful, giving Scott both brothers at one glance and no doubt allowing his eldest brother the chance to at least relax a little with both of them in sight.

Gordon’s eyes tracked Virgil as John draped a blanket over his sleeping brother.

“What happened?” Gordon’s voice was ever so quiet.

“Ice and exhaustion. He needs rest.” A pointed eyebrow. “You all do.”

John did, too, weariness suddenly hitting him. Such a mad scramble to get to his brothers, get them out of the ice.

“I think perhaps you should sit down, space bro.” Gordon never missed a thing. Those carnelian eyes saw everything. It was what he did with the information that mattered, though.

“John?” A worried pair of foggy blue eyes had targeted him now. Well, that sealed it.

Sure enough, their father turned around and wordlessly led him to a chair. “Sit down, son. They’re all safe now.”

There was a hitch in the man’s voice that had John questioning if he was saying it to reassure himself as much as others.

Regardless, the words had the tension in John’s muscles suddenly relaxing and he found himself shaking just a little.

The mechanics of mild shock sprang to mind and he was disgusted with himself.

A blanket wrapped around his shoulders and his father’s hands squeezed his arm gently.

There was silence in the room for a while. Dad found Uncle Lee a seat and John was ashamed to realise he had forgotten the man existed for a moment there. Perhaps he was as tired as Virgil. Sleep was a long time ago.

A Base doctor came in and confirmed John’s analysis of Virgil’s condition and quietly updated them on both Scott’s and Gordon’s status - all of which IR equipment had already revealed. Perhaps with the exception of Scott’s concussion that while still had him a little wobbly, seemed to have found some healing in whatever sleep his big brother had managed since being yanked out of the ice.

And there was the source of John’s heartrate. Pulling brothers out of the ice had been terrifying. Flashbacks to images sprouted by the news reports all those years ago regarding their mother. Scott’s desperate attempt to hide the reality from his younger siblings, but failing due to the determination of irresponsible media.

John closed his eyes.

-o-o-o-

“What do we do now?” Grae’s eyes were pleading and Jeff wished he had a good answer for him.

He had left the infirmary knowing his friend would be frantic.

Hell, Jeff was a little frantic himself. Berry and Ju were still missing. They only had readings on two out of five missing life signs. They didn’t even know who those life signs belonged to.

“We wait.”

“Jeff, they could be dying!”

“Both life signs are strong. I know it is not the best, but we don’t have a choice. We have to wait.”

“Why? You have the equipment. You, Lee, two of your boys are fine. Hell, I’ll come with you. This is Ju we are talking about!”

Jeff straightened. “I know who we are talking about, Graeme. But the first rule of a rescue is to make sure the rescuers are safe enough to do their jobs and for the moment, I am not willing to send anyone into that cave until we work out what the hell happened!”

“Seismic anomaly. You told me yourself.”

“John is not satisfied with that assessment.”

“Why not?”

“He needs further information.”

“Then let’s go down there and get it.”

“John is working on it.”

“John is sleeping!”

Jeff’s lips tightened and he took a step closer to his old friend. “My sons were nearly killed. I am aware that this is an urgent situation, Graeme. I know what is at stake. But there will be no gain in putting anyone in further danger until we know what we are dealing with.”

A silent hand wrapped around Jeff’s arm and tugged him backwards gently.

Lee.

Jeff had known he was there and old patterns were obviously still in place.

It was reassuring.

He understood Grae’s feelings. Hell, he shared them. But his boys were hurting and, if he was honest, they had terrified him. Seeing first Scott and then Virgil entombed in ice had ripped scabs off memories from so long ago as much as tempting new horrors.

But above and beyond it all, there was something very strange about this situation. Something was off. Everything that made him the astronaut he was, was screaming alarm bells. So, while he could gather Lee, John and Alan and go down there himself, he wasn’t.

Because he trusted his sons and John said no.

Jeff couldn’t help but agree with him.

They needed further information and Eos was working hard to deploy enough probes and up the sensory reach to delve underground and veto that interference. And while John had protested - all of them had protested, except Virgil who had already been asleep - this had been an opportunity to try and get some rest.

Grae sagged where he stood, all signs of the Base commander falling away. “She’s my wife, Jeff.”

Voice ever so quiet. “Believe me, I understand.” He caught his friend’s eyes with his own. “I do.”

Grae stared at him a moment before uttering a wounded sound and turning away. Jeff watched his back as he strode out of the infirmary.

Lee’s hand squeezed gently, but Jeff still stared at the door.

-o-o-o-

John wasn’t sleep. Honestly, he tried. Their father had corralled two more beds into the room with his injured brothers and both Alan and John had been sequestered there. He appreciated it, he did.

But he couldn’t sleep.

And it wasn’t Virgil’s snoring.

He kept running scenarios over in his head. Building and dismissing equations that could explain the liquid water in the cavern and coming up with nothing.

Liquid water demanded the existence of energy to keep it that way, likely with a heat source. Gordon had mentioned a temperature increase before the wave hit.

John’s fingers itched for his information sources on Five.

He was still wearing his suit. He had slept in it often enough not to care. But he had removed his helmet. The infirmary had its own air circulation system separate from the rest of the Base and, really, with his brother’s injuries, they hadn’t had a choice but to break the seals on their suits.

The upside was that he could squirrel under his covers and access his wrist comm and Eos.

His daughter was sending perplexed emojis at him because he had requested text only.

Her use of repeating gifs had the effect he had no doubt she desired, enough to curl up the corners of his lips at least.

His fingers darted across his virtual keyboard with a speed almost as fast as the voice he couldn’t use.

The probe net was in its final dispersal phase and the first of the reports were coming in. Eos had focussed the deployment in a spiralling pattern using the Crystal Cave as the central point and consequently, the information was more detailed in that area. In fact, Eos had doubled up the probe above Burr Crater and the cave beneath it.

His daughter highlighted three other craters, an attention icon flashing on the map. John zoomed in and frowned. There were more lakes.

His fingers darted over the map, repeatedly hitting attention icons flagged by the AI. Lake after lake showed up on sensors. A quick cross-correlation and his suspicions were confirmed. The lakes lay under the younger craters on the moon’s surface. The ones still shining from impacts of recent millennia.

John manipulated one of the probes pulling it from the net and drawing it closer to the surface. Eos threw up a warning that he was causing a brief blindspot, but he didn’t care, he needed confirmation.

Tornarsuk Crater was slightly smaller, but it was fairly equidistant from Callisto Base as Burr and almost as young. The lake registered as similar to the one in Crystal Cave and a network of tunnels branched off from it merging with the network.

Because it was a network. Initial readings tracked tunnels riddled beneath the entire Callistan surface. He couldn’t tell with these readings, but he would bet a lifetimes worth of savings that all the tunnels were made by water. Despite liquid water not being physically possible in these environs.

Not physically possible, but the lakes did exist.

Of course, that led to the question of why the water hadn’t stayed water once it left the cavern. It had behaved exactly how it should when it entered the tunnel. It froze.

Trapping his brothers.

He closed his eyes a moment as images he hadn’t fully processed yet flashed up in his mind.

He let out a sigh.

Focus.

Science was a saviour.

He returned to glaring at the holograms hidden under the blanket. It grew stuffy and he was reminded of many a late night when he was a child, shoving his tablet under the covers in order to read that little bit more despite being told to go to bed.

Memories.

He requested a planetary body analysis and the probe network boosted Five’s scan of the moon, giving him an indepth gravity and mass analysis. The readings confirmed what the Callisto Expedition had reported, that yes, there was an ocean deep under the Callistan crust, and that unlike most of the planetary bodies in the solar system, Callisto was undifferentiated. It had no core, no mantle, just a shallow ocean a couple hundred of kilometres below, sitting on a mix of rock and ice, sealed in by a crust of similar material.

So there was water in the moon. That was no surprise. Europa had proven something similar, but these subterranean oceans followed the laws of physics. They had the pressures required to stay liquid. The lakes did not.

There had to be another reason.

The next step was research. He knew what he knew, but that didn’t mean he knew everything. There must be something to explain the water.

Accessing Five’s library, he initiated a connection back to Tracy Island via the chain of buoys stretching back to Earth.

The covers over his head were suddenly ripped off, the waft of cooler air startling him even more than the sudden appearance of a tall shadow leaning over him.

John’s whisper was cutting. “Scott, what the hell!”

Because it was Scott. It was always Scott.

Well, except when it was Virgil, but this shadow was too tall, had the wrong hair and Virgil was still snoring.

“You’re supposed to be resting.” His brother’s voice had an echo of commander.

“You more than me!” John grabbed at the covers and pulled them back up to his chest. Why, he didn’t know, but there had to be a principle there somewhere.

The shadow of his big brother pulled up a chair and literally fell into it. Elbows dented the side of John’s bed and Scott’s head dipped out of silhouette as he dropped it into his hands.

John’s heart softened. A gentler whisper. “You really should rest. Get some sleep.”

“I did. Virgil is making a racket.” It was muffled as his brother was looking down at his feet, but John knew it was a load of bullshit. They had all been putting up with Virgil’s snoring since the man was born. If anything, it was a sound of comfort and was missed if it wasn’t there when they were together like this.

It was a running joke that their brother’s snoring was a great wildlife deterrent when camping.

John persisted. Scott was notorious for ignoring his health when focussed on an objective. “How’s your head?”

“Fine.”

“If you’ve come over here just to lie to me, I’m not sure I want to listen.”

“Whatever.” Scott ran his hands through his hair, messing up what was usually meticulously neat. “What happened, John?”

John sighed and pushed himself up on the bed until he was sitting upright, covers still on his legs. “You should be in bed.”

“Bed is a waste of time.” Blue eyes caught what little light was in the room and flashed it at John. “I need information.”

And John was the source of that information.

He held back another sigh and instead pulled up a virtual representation of the Crystal Cave and associated tunnel network. “The sensor readings are marred with static, but as far as we can tell water appeared to enter the lake from this tunnel.” John pointed at one of the entrances on the north-east side of the lake. “With the probe network we now have, the closest source of water I can find is under Tornarsuk Crater to the south-east.” He rotated the image until the star-rayed splash of brightness appeared. A flick of a finger and the hologram delved under the crater, bringing up another lake. John focussed the probe, switching to mineralogical detail and many spikes of crystal appeared in the cave. Eos threw up likely chemical formulae that could only be proven with samples, but had an accuracy somewhere near ninety-five percent.

He could not delve under that lake any more than he could under the lake in the Crystal Cavern.

“There’s another one?” Scott’s whisper spoke of widened eyes. “Are they connected?”

John answered by zooming out and tracing the connection via the maze of tunnels between them.

“How?”

This time John did let out the sigh. “I don’t know.”

“Is it a natural phenomenon?”

John stared at his brother. “Nothing about this is natural. That water shouldn’t exist in that state. If water came from the other lake, then how did it get to the Crystal Cavern so fast? Seismic readings epicentre the activity to the north-east of the Cavern, yet the closest source of water is to the south.”

“Can you get any further life sign readings?”

“No.” It was a defeated quiet. “And no further information on the two under the lake. All I can say is that they are there. Interference is almost complete otherwise. We cannot see below the surface, yet I can see all the way to the moon’s lack of a core.” He threw up his hands and the hologram flickered at the rough handling. “It doesn’t make sense.”

Scott was lit up by the light of the hologram. A ghostly echo of his brother’s usual vibrant self. “Is this humanly possible?”

John stared at him. “You think someone is orchestrating this?”

“Could they?”

He threw the concept back and forth in his head. “Possibly. At great expense and difficulty. There would have to be some serious science involved and I would want to know how that water is liquid in this environment. But the ultimate question would be ‘why?’”

Scott let his head drop into his hands again. “Hell if I know.”

“Wouldn’t be the first time something massively expensive and ridiculous had been deployed against us.” Gordon’s voice was sharp in the sudden silence.

And silence it was because John suddenly realised there was a serious lack of snoring in the room.

Sure enough, beside their fish brother the shape of Virgil was moving slowly to sit up. His throat cleared as he settled sitting on the edge of the bed. “So what is the plan?”

Scott straightened where he sat. “The plan is to get some rest.”

“Done that. Feeling better. There are some lives waiting to be saved.”

No pressure.

Gordon’s eyes were catching the light and aimed right at John. “You think this is planned?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you think it is a possibility.”

“At this point, everything is a possibility, Gordon. I don’t have enough explanation to make any conclusions.”

“I vote aliens.” And yes, Alan was awake as well, his tousled hair reflecting holographic light.

“You are all supposed to be asleep.” Commander Tracy glared at them.

“Speak for yourself, Scott. I bet you’re sporting a doozy of a headache.”

Scott didn’t answer, but John was pretty sure Gordon had hit a nail right on the aching head.

“John?” Eos’ voice cut through the glares and grumbles bouncing around the room.

“Yes, Eos.”

“Callisto Base is receiving a distress call from Kate Berrenger.”

“What? Relay!”

A terrified female voice cut the air in the room. “Base, do you read? I need help. Uh-“ The voice fell silent a moment, but every body in the room was already moving.

One of the life signs had changed position. It was now located on the same beach where Four had lain crumpled several hours earlier.

John switched to transmit. “Eos, relay! This is Thunderbird Five, Director Berrenger. Help is on the way.”

“Somebody, please help me.” It ended in a whimper.

He leapt off the bed as Scott dashed out the door. “Help is on the way.”

-o-o-o-

Next

#thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds fanfiction #John Tracy #Virgil Tracy #Scott Tracy #Gordon Tracy #Alan Tracy #Jeff Tracy #callisto

[fizzingwizard]

a day/week in the life of a preschool teacher x’D loooong venting rant

Yesterday... which was a lot like Thurs, which was a lot like Wed, to be honest... but anyway, yesterday... I had an unusual number of tantrums, so I was carrying crying kids a lot more than usual. One of them kept headbutting me. She wanted attention, and she was upset that she thought I was upset with her. For some reason giving her her water bottle fixed everything. Idek.

Then one kid put up a huuuge fight at nap time, so I’m walking around carrying him, putting him down, picking him back up.

Finally, at long last, I get him to stop fighting by finding a position he decides is comfortable... which is lying on my chest with me leaning at like a 140 degree angle, rocking back and forth. Kept on “sitting” like that up for ten minutes before he finally fell asleep. My back hurtssss x’D though it hurts less than it would have three years ago when I first started this job.

Other things this week... the tantrum throwers reeeeally have been at it. Had to physically carry them down the hallway multiple times. It’s like sorry guys, I can’t leave alone with no supervision in this room lol. They are both big kids, but I remember a kid last year who was huuuge for a three year old. He’s just a large kid, that’s all. But mentally, of course, he was three, and threw tantrums like threes do, and his poor mom :8 She couldn’t pick him up at all. Neither could us. Two teachers had to pick him up, one by the legs, the other under the arms, to carry him onto the mat so he wouldn’t hurt himself thrashing around. He’s the sweetest kid, and all kids throw tantrums now and then, he just happens to be so big that it was a much bigger deal...

And I was on supervision duty literally every single day, morning and afternoon, this entire week, except for the one day that I teach a class in the morning. And most of it was in the more chaotic room x’D It’s so funny because last year, even though the kids were different, it was same situation: supervision in that room was always crazier than in the other room. There are sooo many tantrum throwers in the 1-2 class in that block, as well as biters and hitters. We have so many kids to “keep a special eye on.” At one point I’m reaching out to stop one kid shoving a toy in his mouth while dragging another away from hitting another kid by his legs.

This latter kid is also very very large, but only 2 so we can still pick up, it just isn’t fun x’D (He’s in a class with the lightest student, who is as small as a doll, carrying her feels like holding thin air.) When he’s upset, he screams and throws himself backwards quite hard. Right now, tickling and giving him a toy usually snaps him out of it, but if the reason he’s upset is it’s time to change his diaper, lol, good luck to you.

So I’m just like really exhausted physically. Some weeks are worse than others. This one was rough bc there wasn’t any break time. Like you just can’t. My coworker was taking a break and said “I know I need to do all this stuff but I just have to sit down for a while” and I’m like yeah I get you. Lol. For me taking a break is: sitting down putting together crafts/doing paperwork. It’s still work but at least I’m sitting for fifteen minutes straight.

Part of the reason this week was especially crazy: one of our coworkers has been feeling unwell and took the whole week off. Based on past knowledge, I think it’s likely she’s totally burnt out, and I don’t blame her. But that meant we were understaffed. And when a school is understaffed, who helps? Subs! However...

Recently our sub quit! We knew it was coming, she’s been planning it for a year, and she’s going to do awesome things, so we’re happy for her.

But we MISSSSS the help x’D And we have a new sub, but she’s not just ours, of course, she goes where needed and it’s pretty much first come first serve. I have never seen another sub come to this school. For a while last year we had another woman coming, but she was actually a regular teacher who was supposed to be teaching at a completely different school. Since she had to go through training anyway, they just sent her to us, but of course eventually she had to leave to do the job she was actually hired to do :P

So yeah... we had one teacher out one week, other teachers out due to illness/planned PTO at various other times, and NO SUBS. The only time we had the sub was on one of the teacher’s planned PTO days. IE we knew in advance she’d be out. But even then it’s not a given. That same teacher will take a day off at the end of November - she’s planned it over a month in advance, and they still don’t have a sub. Instead some office staff will help, as was the case this week.

Here’s the problem that all of us teachers know, but no one cares about, when it comes to office staff subbing: THEY DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY’RE DOING. They just don’t! They haven’t been trained in it. They don’t do it every day. Every now and then one of them has worked this job before, but it’s been so long that she doesn’t remember! Having office staff there is like having no extra help at all. It really is. The only thing you can say is “We kept our 1:6 ratio.” Another pair of eyes is good as well. At the very least, the office person can hopefully watch the kids and make sure they don’t try to kill themselves. But that is it. That leaves two teachers, and sometimes only one, if there are only 12 kids, to do EVERYTHINGGGG. And we do a LOT. Like. If you are working my job, and you are sitting, YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG. I would LIKE for you to be able to sit!! I would like to sit very much!! But there’s always always ALWAYS something that needs to be done. Break time is when you can sit, if you’re lucky enough to have it.

This is of course not the office staff’s fault. They are supposed to be doing their job, which is not this one, and it’s rough on them as well to be randomly sent elsewhere and get their own stuff backed up. (For that reason, we usually don’t even have the same office helper all day - one will be there for two hours, then switch with another for two hours, etc etc... which makes staying organized very difficult indeed.) The company should be hiring new subs is the issue. But I don’t know whether they’re not because they can’t afford it (we lost a lot of money thanks to the pandemic), or because no one wants to work for them (shit job offer plus few people currently not working wants to work in an ongoing pandemic... with the added difficulty of the sub needs to be able to communicate at least a little in English).

We have a new sub. I mentioned her before, that she’s nice but a bit slow-moving and doesn’t do anything without being asked first. She’s had time to adjust now and knows the routine well, especially at my school since that’s where she was trained. She is talking more confidently with the kids which is great. However, she’s still moving so slow, and she still doesn’t seem able to prioritize. She will do whatever she’s asked. I am probably expecting too much because that’s how tough it is on us when one of our normal staff is out.

As for that one sub we do have, I mentioned before that she’s nice but slow-moving, and probably just needed more time to get used to the routine. Well, she’s improved a bit in talking with the kids, but you do still need to tell her to do things. She doesn’t look around and find something to do if she’s sitting on her hands. She also doesn’t understand what to prioritize. So she’s not an amazing sub, but she does her job. She does what we ask. I don’t think she’s a slacker. I think the job is just ridiculously stressful until you’re really into the routine and rhythm. I am way more happy to have her than to have the office staff. Also, she came to us from subbing at the kindergarten, where the kids are older thus more independent and teachers can sit down while they play etc lol. So I think it was a bit of a shock at first how different things are when the kids are just 1-3 years younger than those kids.

The one thing that does bug me is how long she takes to eat lunch. Last time I sent her first to be polite, and she took at least 5 min in the staff room just heating up her lunch and then around twenty min to actually eat. Usually us teachers are in and out of the staff room in 2-3 min and eat in ten minutes, because we are actually still on duty watching the kids during that time. I figured she would learn the routine and either eat her full lunches later or eat smaller ones during the day, but she did it again this time. For just that reason I wasn’t going to send her first, but my coworker did instead. This time she took thirty minutes to eat, which meant there wasn’t time for my coworker and I to both eat. I let my coworker eat and she couldn’t even finish her whole lunch in that time. I didn’t eat until after 3 that day.

But once again... as annoyed as I feel... IT’S NOT THE SUB’S FAULT. How am I to tell her “You need to eat small lunches fast”???? Why can’t she eat a normal lunch in a normal lunch-eating time??? I think she should be able to! I think we should all be able to. But lit if you take what is a normal lunch break at other jobs, here it means your coworkers don’t get to eat. Heck, there are days that we have normal staff, no subs, and the teachers still don’t get to eat their lunch during the designated lunch time because the kids (usually in the 1-2 class) needed so much assistance. Like I said. If you sit down, you’ll be up again in one minute.

I remember, when I was an ALT, we were told we had to “set an example” for students by eating proper Japanese lunches sitting down in a desk and finishing everything. (Though there was a lot of leeway in that last case because different palettes x’D I can eat a lot of things I couldn’t before coming to Japan, but I still can’t eat nattou, and I never became able to finish the whole lunch in the allotted time. Kids would scarf down their food in ten minutes of the forty we had, I was like how!) I was so scared when I started this pre-K job that I would have to set a similar example at lunch time, but I think it’s pretty much recognized how impossible that is, because I never see anyone except that sub eat a full meal at lunch. One time a co-worker did ask me not to stand while eating in my first year, but at my current school no one’s ever cared... since the reason I’m standing is every time I go to sit a kid calls me over haha.

anyway this just like the month of stressssss. november will be similar but then we get a break. The trouble is the other things I have/want to do don’t go away just because I’m extra busy/tired. Honestly I would like to stay in my house all weekend for the next three weeks to recover from the work week but...

#fizz's life

[nad-zeta]

Hi! I totally love your HC's! The way you insert emojis bring even the serious of topics bearable not to cry! Umm.. Is it ok if I can ask MC starts crying out loud and pitiable? Is it ok if I ask for HC with nobu?.... (I'm in a similar situation right now and I want to have some comfort)... Thank you!

Hi, there love! Thanks so much for the request! I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling sad! I hope this cheers you up somehow! Sending you all the hugs *hug*! Hehehe yeah I love using these lil emoji’s (/‿＼✿) glad you have also been enjoying them! <3🌈

Headcanon: Sad MC feat Nobunaga

You were having a horrible day (︶︹︺)

Nobunaga had been sooo busy sorting out the latest rebellion and catching up on paperwork that the two of you hadn’t seen each other in a few days （；＿；）

Today however you felt like the world was resting on your shoulders

You tried your hardest not to cry in front of the maids (つ﹏<。)

You finished your work quickly, but your strained smile and red eyes didn’t escape the keen eyes of the head maid (≖͞_≖̥)

She had made her way to the audience chamber, where all the warlords were gathered 

She walked up to Nobunaga and whispered something in his ears

�(ﾟ□ﾟ*川

(ー_ー)!

“Council is over, everyone is dismissed.” ب_ب   

Nobunga rushed to your room only to find that you weren’t there

(ʘᗩʘ’)

He searched the entire castle for you, and panic was starting to set in, the maid hadn’t said much, just that you were feeling unwell

ᕕ(╯°□°)ᕗ

He finally spotted you sitting in a secluded part of the garden (ó﹏ò｡)

He practically sprinted to your side ε=(｡ﾉ･ω･)ﾉ

He slowly made his way up to you and crouched down in front of you

You were curled up into a ball  _(┐「ε:)_

He gently cupped your cheeks and urged you to lookup ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ

His heart broke at the sight of our tear-stained cheeks.  ༼ಢ_ಢ༽

“Tell me what is wrong, my little fireball, and I will crush anything and anyone, that dare hurt my love.” (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻

You tried to speak, but you felt your throat constrict as the tears started streaming down your face anew.  ‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

How pitiful you must look, ugly crying in front of the one you love most in this world (つ﹏⊂)

Nobunaga got up and picked you up

༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ 

 He gently cradled you in his arms ლ(•ω •ლ)

You squeaked in surprise, but couldn’t help but hide your face in the crook of his neck (◡‿◡✿)

He carried you to his room, where he sat you down on his lap, he gently rubbed soothing circles on your back as you continued to cry.  (つ﹏<)･ﾟ｡

You buried your face in the crook of his neck and hug him tightly as if he were your lifeline

His comforting scent and warmth was enough to calm you down slightly

He patiently waited for you to tell him what has caused you so much upset

“Tell me what is the matter, please my love” his voice was commanding as always, but the gentleness and love in his eyes encourages you to start speaking (｀ω´)

You rest your head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat, he lovingly pulls his fingers through your hair in a further attempt to calm you down and get you to relax (⺣◡⺣)♡*

He kisses the top of your head and nuzzled your hair as if to coax you further into telling him, what has made the queen of his heart cry

You hiccup your way through the story (´Д⊂ヽ

As you tell him what has made you feel so sad, he wipes your tears away with his sleeve and gives you a few encouraging kisses on your neck and temples

He hugs you even tighter as you continue your story, between broken sobs (.づ◡﹏◡)づ.

When you are done, he gently cradles your tear-stained cheeks in his hands and wipes away the last of your tears with his thumbs.

He nuzzles your nose with his and rests his forehead on yours.  (ᇴ‿ฺᇴ)

He whispers against your lips how much he loves and adores you and give you a long deep passionate kiss, filled with so much love and emotion  ( ˶˘ ³˘(˵ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°˵)♡

“Rest now, my fireball, for I will be here to protect you.” (˶◕‿◕˶✿)

He pulls you down on the futon, letting you rest your head on his chest while he pulls the blanket up to cover both of you (≖ᴗ≖✿)

He soothingly rubs your back as you drift off to sleep  (•‾⌣‾•)و ̑̑♡

He kisses the top of your head and gently traces the curves of your tear-stained cheeks with his fingertips ( ͡ᵔ ͜ʖ ͡ᵔ )

He loves you so much, and it truly pains him to see you so upset

He is determined to bring that beautiful smile back (◕__◕✿)

The next day he cancels all his meetings and takes to two of you on a trip to the hot springs to relax and get away from all the castle drama and work  (≧∇≦*)

He left with you still half asleep at the crack of dawn (︶｡︶✽)

Hideyoshi walked into his lord’s room to give his morning report only to find a note ゞ◎Д◎ヾ

“It seems I have neglected my beautiful fireball, we are going on a trip, make sure Masamune and MItsuhide don’t burn down the castle while we are away! I’m counting on you, monkey!” And in the corner of the note was a little picture of a monkey Ⴚტ◕‿◕ტჂ

You woke up to find you and Nobunaga on a horse heading to who knows where ┐(ﾟ～ﾟ)┌

“Finally sleeping beauty has arisen” (｡◕‿◕｡)

Nobunaga can’t help but shower you in sweet little kisses and hug you even tighter against his body  (◍•ᴗ•◍)♡ ✧*。

He cracks a bunch of dad jokes as the two make your way to the hot springs （ლ ^ิ౪^ิ）ლ

He loves to see that bright, carefree smile back on your face as the two of you spend some quality time together  (>^_^)><(^o^<)

His boy will sneakily rile you up as the two of you ride to the hot springs by nibbling on your ear and kissing your neck  ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

“Hey I’m watching you, you better not do anything dodgy otherwise, you are going to get it.” (¬_¬)

“Is that a challenge, little fireball.”  (¬‿¬)

“Yes, you forget Nobie I know all your weaknesses.” (人◕ω◕)

“You wouldn’t.” (゜Д゜;)

“Hehehe try me.” (◕‿◕✿)

Needless to say, the two of you had a great trip  (¬‿¬) (¬‿¬)

When you got back to the castle, Nobunaga made sure to take some time every day to spend with his dearest love.（*＾3＾）/～♡

Even if that meant having you sit in his lap while he cuddled you during war councils, so be it.

 (｡◕‿◕｡)

He would do anything to keep that beautiful, carefree smile on your face

I hope you enjoyed this love! <3

#headcanons #ikemen sengoku headcanons #ikesen headcanons #ikesen headcanon #headcanon ikemen #nobunaga oda fanfic #nobunaga oda #ikemen sengoku nobunaga #ikesen nobunaga #oda nobunaga

[fairycosmos]

Chloe I’m so sorry to hear you’re feeling unwell! 😭 wish I could give you all the soup and blankets to make your recovery a bit easier. I’m sending all of the positive wishes for you to kick this thing to the curb!! 💕💕💕

thank you bb 😔 it's really exhausting me now and the worry is making it worse ugh. one minute i feel a bit better nd the next it's hard to breathe clearly and my fevers high and my chest hurts from coughing lol. it's under control atm though so at least theres that. anyway youre like a lovely little angel im cryinnnn. i would love to make soup and build a blanket fort with you TBH 💖💞💖 thank you sweetheart. i hope i start feeling a bit more normal soon and i can just get over this. sending sooo much love and warmth back ur way :) 💖💞💖

#anon #talking

[frogbe]

Headcanons of Sakura Oogami with a sick s/o:

(So I’m testing out how you guys would like my headcanons and I’m feeling kinda unwell rn, sooo- HEADCANONS WITH MY FAVORITE CHARACTER! HERE WE GO!)

(Also! As a heads up, if I do some headcanons for more than 3 characters, they most likely will be a VERY tiny bit shorter, but not much, I like to make sure my headcanons have at least 6 of them for each character)

⚠️trigger warnings: no self care, sickness, and vomiting⚠️

{💪🏽Sakura Oogami🌸}

~It would be quite easy for her to tell your sick if you try to hide it from her. She would already know you very well before getting into a relationship with you, therefor she can tell if you are getting sick.

~Once she figures it out, she would confront you about it and try to get you to let her to take care of you as soon as possible.

~she understands that if you overwork yourself while sick, it may cause more damage to you, and she absoultely doesn’t want that.

~Even if you resist she WILL pick you up and carry you to your bed if necessary.

~once she is sure you won’t be leaving anytime soon, she’ll get you a couple of things.

~your medicine, water, extra blankets, extra pillows, and a small light snack.

~She would take such good care of you, and just make sure you are comfy!

~if you are throwing up, and you have long hair; she would help you put your back in a braid to keep it out of your face.

~but if you have short hair, or if you already had your hair up, she would sit next to you as you threw up into the toilet and rub your back and comfort you, assuring you it would be over soon enough.

~Once your done vomiting, she would carry you back to your bed and stay by your side, and gently play with your hair to relax you.

~She probably would help you and make sure you get a lot of sleep, but if you are up to it, she will suggest a bit of small exercise, but only if she thinks it’s safe to do so.

~if she thinks it would be unsafe for you to walk around and do such, she won’t meantion it, she cares about your safety dearly so she will not make you do anything that would cause any sort of harm to you.

~She would be quite happy once your healthy again, she doesn’t like seeing you hurt or in pain, so she would be relieved to see you better.

#sakura oogami #sakura oogami x reader #sick!reader #danganronpa sakura #danganronpa v1 #trigger happy havoc #danganronpa #headcanons #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa headcanons #why did i do this? #because #i wanted to

[comradeghost]

was tagged by @the-wolf-poet : ) thanks for the tag!

Relationships: never had one

Breakups: therefore, never had one

Kids: none, maaaaybe one day when i’m much older lol but i’m unsure

Siblings: two younger brothers, by two and three years respectively

Pets: golden retriever called bengi, he’s my darling and my baby. unfortunately he’s getting old and has been a bit unwell lately : (

Tattoos: nope, but i think i’d like to get one one day (although a doctor once told me i might be allergic to the ink sooo...)

Countries I’ve been in: australia (where i live), scotland, indonesia, india

Been in an airplane: yes, i always feel sick and can never sleep on them. hate them!

Sung karoke: sadly no lol i really wanna do karaoke but my friends never want to -____-

Ice skating: yeah quite a few times and i hate it lol, i’m an absolute shocker at skating and it always hurts my ankles

Been on a cruise: no, cruises aren’t my thing (and they shouldn’t be anyone’s thing either, but that’s a different topic). i’ve been on a journey by ship, but it wasn’t a cruise

Driven a motorcycle: nope

Ridden a horse: once when i was a kid at my brother’s party

Fave fruit: too many favourite fruits!! passionfruit, yellow nectarines, mango, mandarins, blackberries, oranges, raspberries, yellow peaches... love fruit : )

Fave colors: bluey purple, indigo i suppose

Coffee or tea: love tea and hate hate hate coffee

Fave pizza: honestly i think i just like magherita? lol

Fave pie: uhh, apple? idk, i don’t eat many pies

Cat or dog: dogs!!!!! <3

Fave time of year: autumn is my favourite season

Met a star: i mean i met a couple of footy players when i was ten but a part from that, i don’t think so???

Flown a helicopter: sgdhsdhsj no

Been on tv: don’t think so?

Broken my leg: never broken a bone hehe

Seen a ghost: i’ve had several “supernatural” experiences but have never seen a ghost, per se

Been sick in a taxi: no lol

#about me #private life

[thedarkrose17]

Chapters: 10/? Fandom: Final Fantasy XV Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Prompto Argentum/Noctis Lucis Caelum, Gladiolus Amicitia/Ignis Scientia Characters: Prompto Argentum, Noctis Lucis Caelum, Gladiolus Amicitia, Ignis Scientia Additional Tags: Mutual Pining, Eventual Relationships, Accidental Baby Acquisition, Bisexual Prompto Argentum, Gay Noctis Lucis Caelum, Asexual Noctis Lucis Caelum

New chapter~ as usual either read on the link or under the cut

Everything seemed ok when they'd been returning late at night from a hunt, until an Iron Giant formed.

Prompto summons his gun and fires. Looking at the daemon like he's seen a ghost. His fingers tremble on his gun and upon closer inspection, Noctis can see his boyfriend is tearing up.

Noctis decides at that point to grab him and warp to safety. Clearly something's not right. He's never reacted like this before.

Prompto vomits inches away from Noctis' boots after the warp which Noctis quickly avoids. His boyfriend throwing up due to warping isn't a concern. He's experienced nausea due to warping in the past. Hell Noctis threw up on himself and Gladio's shoes the first time he tried warping.

Noctis rubs his back as Gladio and Ignis head over. They look concerned, Gladio mouthing "Is he sick?" to which Noctis mouths back "No. Warp sickness." to which Gladio grimaces and Ignis looks a little sorry for Prompto.

Noctis then turns his attention back to his boyfriend, muttering to him just loud enough for Ignis and Gladio to hear.

"We're gonna fix these nightmares. Together. I swear."

* * *

A couple of days after, Noctis gets sick.

It's food poisoning and honestly it's a miracle how none of the others got it. Ignis can't pinpoint which diner caused this or what meal. They'd been to a few.

Noctis has a temperature and shivers whenever he's in the bedroom despite being bundled up in blankets with a cool washcloth on his head. He almost looks younger than he is like this.

When he's not deciding to live in the bathroom for a few hours or napping in the bed, the prince mutters about cramps and everything aching which Ignis keeps explaining that everything aches due to said prince being generally unwell.

He's paler than usual but slowly improving over the coming days. Still for some reason Prompto uncharacteristically doesn't handle it well. Normally he'd feel bad for Noctis yes but he's never shut down.

Gladio practically having to carry the blonde away from Noctis just so he won't get sick. Prompto honestly doesn't even put up a fight, doesn't even speak. It's easily wrote on his face how stressed out he is. He's normally good at masking these things but the blonde just looks extremely stressed and exhausted.

He finally speaks when they head into the bathroom.

"...Where's my baby?"

"With Cor...I don't think you should see him like this." Gladio says, earning a confused look from Prompto. "You look five seconds from a panic attack."

Prompto chuckles, (It sounds forced in Gladio's opinion) before resting a hand against his face and sighing.

"...I'm a mess." he confesses, making Gladio sigh.

"Somethin's not right." he replies and Prompto hums in agreement.

"I know...I'm sorry."

"Ain't got nothing to apologise for." Gladio says, raising a brow. "It's not your fault."

Prompto sighs and runs his fingers through his hair before resting his head in his hands.

"I feel like I'm going crazy…" he mutters quietly.

"If it's any comfort, you wouldn't know if you went crazy." Gladio replies.

"Ah...Great…Real comforting."

"I'm serious." Gladio replies. "You're sane."

Prompto shifts positions and hugs his knees, going quiet for a few moments as he blankly stares off.

"You ever had a nightmare that feels real...So real it feels like deja vu?" he mutters so quietly Gladio has to strain to hear him.

"...No why?"

"I...I keep having the same nightmare...It's too often to be a coincidence now...Either I'm going nuts or anxiety is fucking with me...Or I don't know." he glances over at Gladio, looking stressed.

Gladio looks back at him. He's dealt with his little sister having nightmares in the past but nothing to the point where she was like Prompto has been over the past few weeks

Prompto sighs and carefully pushes himself up off the bathroom floor. He goes to turn on the sink to splash water on his face but Gladio stops him, grabbing his wrist.

"Wanna talk about it more?" he asks and Prompto shakes his head.

"...Maybe later...I'm gonna go hang out with dad and my little sunbeam."

"Ok. Make sure you take a nap too. You look exhausted."

Gladio manages to make him smile with that so he'll call that a little victory for now. A bigger victory would be Noctis getting better quicker and him bringing back Prompto's smile.

"Starting to sound like Ignis." Prompto replies.

Gladio snorts and ruffles his hair. "Nah he's too soft on you two. I'm more the dad friend."

"Honestly I'd say big brother friend. Kind of a dick at times but willing to fist fight anyone who hurt us on the nearest parking lot."

Gladio laughs and jabs him softly in the arm.

"Little shit." he mutters fondly. He won't deny it though.

* * * Prompto naps in Cor's room next door, Cor sighs and switches to holding Solis with one arm before running a hand through Prompto's hair.

Part of him wishes he could somehow fight whatever is happening in his son's head just so he didn't have to see him so exhausted and stressed.

Solis makes grabby hands for his dad so Cor decides to move the baby closer to Prompto. Said baby then proceeds to pat Prompto's hair almost like he's trying to comfort him but honestly it's probably due to the fact he's happy to see Prompto like always.

He squeals and Cor quietly hushes him hoping not to wake up Prompto. He hopes that maybe he's too exhausted to even dream just so that nightmares won't plague him.

* * * Prompto's been staying in his dad's room with the baby for a couple of days, just so he can try and sleep better and so Solis doesn't get sick from Noctis.

He'll text Gladio soon to ask if Noctis is feeling any better. Hopefully he's not annoyed by the fact Prompto's been avoiding explaining his nightmare.

Prompto lies on the floor with Solis, planting kisses on Solis' face much to the baby's delight.

Solis squeals happily at every kiss until Prompto's phone kweh's loudly, startling him. He whines and the blonde carefully picks him up, rubbing his back as he grabs his phone.

"It's ok buddy." he mutters to the baby over and over as he unlocks his phone. He beams when the notification says Noctis' contact name: 'Prince of garbage'

"Daddy's texting." he tells Solis as he opens the text.

'Miss you. Both of you.'

Prompto smiles tiredly and repositions Solis in his arms before deciding to video chat Noctis. It'll be easier to speak like this.

"Heyas." he says, before glancing at Solis who's staring at Noctis on the phone screen. The baby shrieks and flails excitedly which makes Prompto laugh. "Yeah it's daddy!" he coos to him making Noctis smile.

"Missed you too Sol." Noctis says, warm smile on his face. He looks healthier thankfully.

"You feeling ok today?" Prompto asks, trying to stop Solis from touching the screen. "Don't touch that pumpkin, it'll end the call."

Solis pats the screen and Noctis witnesses the view change from their faces to his boyfriend's pants and back to his boys faces.

Prompto blushes a little and smiles a little embarrassed. Noctis thinks it's endearing if he's being honest.

"Sorry, Solis knocked the phone out of my hand." the blonde says, glancing down at the baby in his other arm, said baby coos and goes to touch the screen again.

"What? You don't want to talk to your old man?" Noctis ask, smile on his face.

"Dude don't call yourself old. We're only 20." Prompto mutters. "Besides Sol's missed his daddy, he just wants to pat your face. Ain't that right buddy?"

Solis squeals causing Prompto to smile and Noctis to laugh before the duo slip into a comfortable silence for a few seconds.

"I'm feeling good." Noctis speaks up. Finally answering Prompto's question. "Not sick anymore."

Prompto cheers, planting a kiss on Solis' head the moment the baby whines about the cheering. Solis rewards him with a gentle heel to the rib which Prompto gasps at.

"Did you kick me?" he asks the infant who drools and sticks his own fist in his mouth.

Noctis watches them fondly before speaking up again.

"You feeling ok?"

"...Still having nightmares." the blonde admits which makes Noctis deflate. "B-But I'm ok! I've been sleeping through them."

"...You want to try Carbuncle again?"

"I'd feel bad taking him from the baby." Prompto admits. "I-I can handle it."

Noctis doesn't sound too sure. He's tempted to visit Prompto's dreams with Carbuncle to try and combat this.

"Sooo...How's things?" Prompto asks, changing the subject. He doesn't want to drag the mood down.

"...I've been wearing the same thing for a week." Noctis admits, looking embarrassed.

"Gross." Prompto whines.

Noctis huffs. "I've been too bad to deal with it until now."

Prompto grimaces and sighs. "I'd hug you but-"

"Honestly wouldn't recommend it yet. Wait until after I've changed and showered."

Prompto hugs the phone to his chest, he hears Noctis' confusion muffled against him and it's only when he pulls the phone back into view does he see an utterly adorable confused Noctis.

"I mean I can't hug you yet so I'll hug video chat you."

Noctis snorts and smiles at him.

"Astrals you're such a dork."

"Hey!" Prompto laughs only to wince moments later.

"You ok?" Noctis asks, concern in his voice.

"Yeah just...Stomach hurts." Prompto replies.

"Take your medicine then." Noctis says, still concerned.

"I did...It's not working." Prompto admits, looking flustered.

Noctis feels bad for him. "Come back to the room. Lie down next to me."

Prompto looks horrified at the suggestion.

"I'll shower and change." he adds.

"You sure it's ok?" Prompto asks.

"We're dating, it's fine. Do you want anything else?"

"Just for the medicine to kick in." the blonde replies.

"Give it time." Noctis replies.

Prompto whines and mutters something Noctis barely understands.

"...Stomach."

"Mmh?"

"I just need to rub my stomach...Maybe it'll help until the meds work." the blonde admits.

"I'll do it if you want." Noctis replies noticing the blonde turn scarlet.

"I-I...If you're sure it's ok."

"I want my boyfriend to be comfortable. It's fine Prom." Noctis smiles at him and smiles more when Prompto bites his lip to try and stop a massive grin spreading across his face.

"I like hearing you call me your boyfriend." he admits before burying his head against Solis.

Solis stares at Noctis and makes grabby hands at the phone,wanting to be picked up by him.

He coos and makes little noises at the phone before patting Prompto's freckled arm.

"Hey." he mutters to the baby who squeals before flailing against Prompto. He laughs a little before speaking up again. "You should probably head over before he gets more excited."

Prompto plants a kiss on Solis' head and agrees, wishing Noctis a quick goodbye before ending the video chat.

Cor looks over at his son, raising a brow.

"When did you start dating?"

Prompto laughs nervously.

"A week ago." he admits with a blush. "Please don't do the protective dad talk."

"Don't need to." Cor replies causing Prompto sigh in relief. "I doubt he'll hurt you. If he does then he'll regret it immediately."

Prompto squeaks and Solis stares at him looking surprised his papa made such a noise.

"Don't commit regicide please."

* * * Prompto heads to the hotel room next door, baby in tow.

He tries to reposition Solis in his hold while said baby pats the door, giggling to himself.

"You're too cute for your own good." he mutters to his son, who shrieks and slaps his little hands harder on the door. "Don't do that, you'll hurt your hands sunbeam."

Solis startles seconds later as Gladio opens the door.

"Were you hitting the door kid?" he asks fondly.

"He really wants to get in. You missed Gladdy?" Prompto glances at the baby, who flails excitedly moments later with a happy shriek.

Gladio for once lets the nickname slide for Prompto and laughs. Usually only Iris is allowed to call him such but seeing Solis so excited is worth it.

He steps aside to let them in, Solis squealing at the sight of Ignis which brings a chuckle out of the man.

"He's excited to be back it seems." Ignis comments.

"He was slapping the door to get in Iggy, kid's more than excited." Gladio replies making Ignis smile.

Prompto groans a little and heads over to his and Noctis' bed, relieved at the fact that the sheets are fresh and cool when he carefully lies down with the baby.

Both older men look over in concern.

"Everything alright?" Ignis asks.

"Stomach." Prompto replies, the two understanding immediately.

"Did you-"

"Yeah, not kicked in yet."

"Good luck." Gladio says with a wince.

Solis pats Prompto's chest which is a welcomed distraction so he leaves his baby to his own devices, occasionally rubbing his back as he does.

* * * He almost drifts off at some point but is startled into alertness when Solis shrieks excitedly. Opening an eye reveals Noctis, carefully lying next to him in some pjs.

"Where you asleep?" Noctis asks with a wince, gently running a hand through Solis' fluffy blonde baby hair.

"Almost...I think?" Prompto carefully scoots closer to him with the baby. Said baby proceeds to pat Noctis' face and squeal at him, he can't blame Solis for missing Noctis, he has too.

Noctis carefully takes the baby from Prompto,resting his chin against Solis' head gently.

"Don't sniff the soybean." Prompto mutters with a smile.

Noctis looks scandalized hearing their son being called soybean. He figured there wouldn't be anymore bean related names for their little ray of sunshine.

"I'm not." he replies with a pout. He is. "What's he-"

"Fruit. It's his shampoo." Prompto interrupts, soft sleepy smile on his face.

Noctis repositions Solis in his arms,bringing the baby boy close to his face. Solis takes this as a chance to grab some of his father's dark locks.

"Don't eat it." Noctis mutters as he stops the baby from putting his hair in his mouth. Noctis receives a whine in response which prompts him to kiss the infant's cheek.

Prompto smiles at the duo before they fall into a comfortable silence.

* * * Prompto drifts off fairly soon after, Noctis' free arm draped around his stomach, warm on his skin.

Noctis glances over before deciding to join him. He needs to talk to Carbuncle to see if maybe the creature can get him into Prompto's dreams.

He wants to fix this, help his boyfriend out and if he can't do that in reality, then maybe it's time to take the battle into the dream world.

#darkrose17 writing #darkrose17 writes #promptis #tags it just in case folks who read this missed it

[sol-chorus]

Breakfast

I have a lot of the dialog between Gabe and his father kicking around in my head and I just need to spill some of it out sooo here it is. Everything Count Verona says will be in ‘bold’ just to make things easier and Gabriel’s words will be ‘italicized’. Reminder the Count is NOT fit to be a parent and they have an awful relationship trigger warnings in the tags.

There was nothing to say, at least, not really so why were they sitting here in some room with large windows, pretending the world outside was not continuing on around them. Why did he come home when Gareg Mach fell? Why had he bothered? Gabriel’s stomach turned as he stared across the table at Count Ralouf Mercer Verona sat dabbing the filth from his mouth with a kerchief. As if that would ever stop all the nonsense that man spouted, he shouldn’t have come home he should not BE here. It was silent, his father contently filtered through letters he’d been receiving left and right, not just from the Kingdom anymore but from the Empire and the Alliance.

In a war time like this the small fertile valley their territory was settled in was worth a fortune, both to the Kingdom to keep it, the Alliance to use it perhaps to prevent violence from the Kingdom as the war progressed. Though most notably the Empire, if they could get their claws into this land they could starve out half of Faerghus in weeks. Which would be ideal because only half of Faerghus was still evading their capture, lands belonging to the families of people he’d once called friends years ago.

Ralouf was near giddy a smirk on his face at what Gabriel could only assume to be offers for compensation for his loyalty. The look was familiar to his son, it was the look he’d once borne reviewing and writing marriage proposals for Gabriel’s future, the look made him feel more ill. Finally Gabriel pushed his plate completely untouched away from him, one of the servants gave him a concerned look and he just shook his head. She lifted it quietly not wanting to cause a scene, knowing drawing the Count’s attention to the fact Gabriel was NOT eating would cause a scene for the whole house- again. The war was practically at their doorstep it had reached their lands and people were dying, yet, Count Verona seemed content to hold out for the best offer possible.

And here Gabriel sat, and did nothing, he sat quietly and fumed with disdain for his father and so much more than that but out of fear he did nothing. Not fear that his father would harm him, the man had become lazier the older he got and Gabriel was well, more of a handful than he intentionally put off. No, he was afraid of hearing his mother’s name from that man’s mouth again a fear so deep in him that he hardly understood it anymore. He was so FRUSTRATED with himself, he should be doing something, if his father did not accept Somme's offer soon he would be handing over their land and people under threat of violence to the first person who broke down the door.

He just couldn’t do this anymore, he had to do something, anything. So he did what he would have in a situation involving anyone BUT his father, he spoke.

“You are going to get yourself killed, and you’re going to drag everyone in the Goddess Crescent right to the Eternal Flames with you.” the man stood, he had sat too long, far too long.

“Hm, did you say something Gabriel?” the man looked up from the paper in his hand, he had heard, this was a standard evasion tactic for him to pretend as though Gabriel hadn’t spoken at all. Not today.

“You KNOW I did, so why do you even bother with that shit?!”

“That kind of language is unfitting of someone of our station Gabriel, don’t speak like a peasant.”

“Don’t speak like a- You have got to be kidding me. Just pick one, pick a side people are dying OUR people out there right now for as long as you don’t do something about it! You are the lord of this land I thought you told me it was a Lord’s responsibility to care for his people do you call this caring for them?! Watching them die while you wait for a bigger coffer to be placed in your lap?!”

“I am protecting them, if I make the wrong choice here this land and everyone in it will be crushed, I must side with the victor, it’s simply natural. I am currently using the resources offered to us to determine who that will be-”

“That’s enough of your shit! If you wanted to side with the victor you would side with the empire, they are the largest, they posses the most soldiers, resources for the Goddess’ sake they’re WINNING! If you cared at all for honor of your position you would side with the Kingdom, you would contact House Fraldarius or Gautier and offer your services but, that’s not it either. All you care about is your bottom line, it’s why you’re sitting here it’s why you had ME! All you care about is you getting the most you can out of any situation you’re not fit to be in charge of anyone you know that right?”

“Gabriel, hold your tounge the situation is far more complicated than th-”

“Is it? Then why are you even taking letters from the Alliance then, from where I’m standing they’re falling appart at the seems fromt he inside. Or maybe it’s because the Alliance ports offer connections to rare trade not avaiable anywhere else in Fodlan, and you are weighing THAT wealth against the might of the Empire and what we already posses in the Kingdom. I know you- as sick as you make me i know you I’ve lived with you for over twenty years!”

“Be SILENT Gabriel, your mother would not approve of you sitting here and causing such discord int his house at such a trying time as this.”

“Trying for WHO? You or the people outside, you or me because last time I checked you’re sitting here eating poached eggs and chuckling to yourself and people out there are FUCKING dying-”

“What did I say about speaking like a-”

“I AM A PEASANT! I am my MOTHER’S son and she was a COMMON woman from Duscur, you can take a long walk off a short pier as far as I am concerned father...and I use that word in it’s LOOSEST sense.”

“Gabriel I am not discussing this with you, sit down and eat your- where is your food? You are hardly going to live long enough to see the Verona house properly succeeded if you do not properly eat-”

“Stop pretending you care about whether i live or die for any reason other than your self interest! This isn’t about me this is about them this is about all the people outside...my friends I went to school with are fighting and dying right now and you’re looking for the highest bidder to sell the Kingdom out to! I don’t even CARE about Faerghus and I can see how appalling that is you know that right?”

The Count stood up and crossed the room he and Gabriel were nearly matched in height now and he still somehow managed to look down on the child. He was growing frustrated that Gabriel would not desist and running out of ways to argue with the boy as he saw him. He stepped forward and instinctively Gabriel took a step back and he smiled, but it was not a peaceful smile it was a twisted one, one that saw he still had power.

“You are a disappointment, and a continual exhausting waste of my energy do not think if you were not the bearer of this bloodline’s crest that I would tolerate your exhausting attitude problem. Please go back upstairs feel free to bleed yourself as if that will remove my blood form your body and waste the healers time again it was SO amusing the last time. You are all talk, yet you accuse me of being the same, you are MY son whether you care to admit it or not. Guards, escort the young lord back to his room he is clearly feeling unwell again.”

The guards looked at one another and then the Count, yet after a moment they began to step forward however the moment one reached for him Gabriel pulled away. Something had snapped, as if a decision had been made, House Verona was not known for it’s militant strength and the truth was in attending the Officer’s academy Gabriel had had more combat training than even the most elite among their ‘guard’. It was why they hesitated and why when the young man showed aggression rather than his usual passive misery and acceptance they drew back unsure how to proceed.

“I’m leaving.”

“You are what? You will do no such- eek.” Gabriel drew his rapier from his side, worn for so long now mostly for show and he pointed it to the throat of his father.

“I said I am leaving, I will cut my way out of this house if necessary but I’m not staying here i never should have come back. Someone hurt me at the academy, left me, someone I thought never would and that has made me weak and foolish no more. I won’t abandon my other friends the way that one abandoned me, I’m going to the front on Fraldarius territory, and you can’t stop me. Disinherit me if you like it will make it easier when once the other areas are the Kingdom are won and stable marching back here to remove the eyesore you’ve made yourself.”

“Listen to me you blasphemous brat-”

“No! No more, I'm done listening to you! You trapped my mother here with your money and influence you held her HOSTAGE to be your pretty little doll of a wife to put on a shelf with the poor financial state of her family. You won’t trap me here with her memory, I’ve let you do it too long, I’m going to do right about people that still at least MIGHT care about me but you, you stay here and ROT.”

The young man turned and he stared at the guards on either of his flanks blade in hand and stared a chaos in his eyes. They stepped back slowly, much to Ralouf’s LOUD objection and yet the man himself was too frightened by the wild look in the boys eyes to step forward, years of inactivity rusting whatever skill he might have once had in combat. Gabriel stepped into his room for what would be the last time until he returned with a small army to reclaim the valuable land and succeed his father through violence rather than age. His bag was packed, light, only what he needed, and a shard from his crystal violin, it had been shattered in a fight with his father shortly after returning home.

Enough was enough, he was going to be free of this burden he had so long lived with or he was going to die trying. He had no idea if he would be accepted back as a friend after vanishing back under his father’s thumb for so long, but, he was sure they wouldn’t turn down a blade no matter how it repulsed him to become exactly that which he hated so much.

#��� A Lengthy Explanation {Drabble} #tw child abuse #tw self harm mention #{Blue Lions homies I need a Gabriel returns to the front thread k thx}

[steviemillersdiary-blog]

I’m back..

TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE DON’T READ THIS IF YOU’RE TRIGGERED BY ANYTHING NEGATIVE PLSSSSSS

Okay, so i said i’d have a blog post up by 8pm, but here i am with 8 minutes to go and i’m still on my first sentence and there’s so much to write.. I’ll be late for my own funeral, i swear to God, haha.

I’ve not been doing too good. In fact, i’ve not been this unwell in a long time.. Years! It’s shit, i’m so depressed and angry and stubborn and cba and everyone fucks me offfffffff. If there’s one thing i’ve learned over the past few months it’s that 

Your happiness is in your hands, never put it in anyone else’s hands. 

If you get a ‘feeling’ about something, it’s probably your gut telling you something. Don’t second guess yourself and go with it, even if that means hurting for a little while. 

Not even the most perfect human in the world deserves your tears.

Self harm is so unbelievably addictive.

Christmas Eve 2015, i chucked myself from a top (3rd) floor flat, i split my femur in two, shattered my hand and broke my wrist, shattered the front of my pelvis, broke the back of my pelvis and then later on in hospital my entire pelvis collapsed in on itself.. I hit the floor and was completely conscious, the pain tore through me and my world got turned upside down. I had multiple surgeries to fix my body, i had a metal bar screwed to my femur to help it grow straight and normal and shit and i had a bar put in my pelvis to hold it up and in place to heal which was removed 4-5 months later. I also had another surgery earlier this year to remove a screw from my leg that was lodging in and out.

I regretted the decision to jump the minute i hit the floor, i knew shit was gonna change but i wasn’t prepared for how much. I had to learn to walk again, it was horrible. So many times i’d just give up, refusing to try walk at all. I couldn’t do it, why bother trying? But they pushed and pushed and one step turned into two turned into five and so on. After discharging myself against the doctors will and lying my way out of the psych ward, i was finally in my own bed. 

I told everyone that i was having a cigarette at the window when i lost my balance and fell out.. Everyone knew i was lying but i just wouldn’t drop it, i lied and lied and lied and lied. I didn’t leave my flat for months, i could barely walk to the toilet and back, so many times i got stuck in bed and ended up pissing myself.. Gross, right? Yeah, reason 1 as to why you shouldn’t jump out of a window. I gained weight. I gained so much weight. Of course i did, i couldn’t fucking move, haha. I started losing myself, i didn’t know what direction to go in, i didn’t even know if i wanted to go forward.. Why couldn’t my neck have snapped when i hit the floor? That’s the only thing that was going through my mind.

Anyway, long story short, i ended up being fucking miserable, hating my appearance, unhealthy, lost, etc etc etc. Going from someone that worked out, danced, bubbly, hot mess but super fun to someone that couldn’t move was hell, i just wanted it to end. 

I then started to be someone i wasn’t, i lied about my past because i was so worried of other peoples opinions. I lied about some things so much to the point i started believing my own lies. I was a COMPULSIVE liar. What’s most annoying is that i’d lie about stupid things, like how many people i’d slept with, how deep relationships with certain people went, i lied about being stable, i lied to everyone to make them think i was okay, i lied so i didn’t worry anyone. I lied because i was worried about OTHER PEOPLE.. Where the fuck is the logic in that?!

I got called up on all of my years of bullshit and i didn’t know what the fuck to do. There were so many things that i wasn’t and still am not ready to face and instead of listening to myself and taking my mental health into account, again i just made stupid choices because i didn’t want to make anyone unhappy.. I was a mess. I felt like i was stuck in a dusty snow globe that had been left on the shelf. I felt disgusting, tired, grey, deflated and fucking miserable. I listened to other people and started to believe their mean words and slowly but surely i went from hating myself to fucking HATING myself.. And then hating myself even more for letting other people get to me on this level.

Everything was shit and i just wanted out, so i took myself on a walk, bought a bottle of wine, wrote 6 letters, got on a bus and took myself to a bridge that was over a dual carriage way. I took my coat off and climbed over the barriers. There was no-one around and then suddenly there was.. A man appeared out of no where and grabbed me just as i let go, the next hour seems like a dream, i was dragged over and pinned to the ground until police arrived, i was cuffed and still pinned to the ground, so i started smashing my head off the concrete, i gave myself horrible concussion that months down the line i’m STILL dealing with! I was put on a section 136 and taken to the psych ward.. I once again managed to bullshit my way out of that and was sent home.

I was so fucking miserable that i was caught. I literally did not want to face up to some of the horrific things i had done. I couldn’t bare to live with myself knowing how many people i had hurt and was continuing to hurt. Sounds cliche, but if i was to die, people would hurt but then they’d move on and they wouldn’t have to hurt anymore, you know? Obviously that’s bullshit and in actual fact, everyone would hurt more than ever and for a very long time, but since when did i think rationally? I felt all of this pain, but something kept me holding on, every time i felt like i was losing it, i saw a white feather, or a butterfly, or two magpies, small things that just kept me holding on. False promises kept me holding on. Fake friends kept me holding on. Bullshit insults kept me holding on. POISON kept me holding on and i’m fucking glad about it. 

I’ve learned so many lessons through all of this, i’ve learnt about myself, i’ve got friends for once in my life, i’ve found interests about things i didn’t know i was interested in, i’ve pushed myself to the edge time and time again and some fucking how i kept holding on.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s been tough and i’ve fucked up several times but if you fall down 7 times, you get the fuck up 8!!!!! I’ve recently been struggling with self harm which is annoying as i went so long without anything drastic and then i fucked it up and self harmed through muscle and caught my tendon which if i went a little further would have ended in the loss of my right hand. It’s fucking incredibly addictive, i wish people knew how addictive it was before they started cause fucking hell if i knew, i’d have never started in the first place.. The euphoria, the dizziness, the hot and cold flushes, the RUSH of adrenaline, fucking hell it’s so messed up. Bad habits really do die hard.

I want to get back into making Youtube videos cause the happiest i’ve been was when i first started making videos. I knew what i wanted and where i was going and how to get there, i enjoyed everyday, i was thankful to be alive, i was LIVING.. It wrecks my nerves and boggles my mind as there’s so many people that watch my videos and i don’t wanna let anyone down. So i’m kind of stuck as to what to film.. An update video? Something quite the opposite? IDK!!!! Help.

I’m 53 minutes late on posting this and i love writing so much that i’d be here all night talking about my mess of a life so i’m gonna stop here. I’ve probably missed a million things and there’s so many tiny details that i could get into, but i’m thinking of saving that for a video? Sometimes it’s easier to chat shit than it is to type shit..

Thank you so much for your constant love and support and thank you SOOO much for all your hate and nastiness cause boo, i’m kicking harder and harder.

If you’ve read up until here, PLEASE comment on my recent instagram post so i can thank you!!! I’m so fucking grateful like you legit do not understand.

I love you all so much!!!!!!!!!

#steviemillerslife #Stevie Miller #mental health #update #bipolar #borderline personality disorder #bpd #eupd #fucking mess lol