#iris's mental health

[aronarchy]

For the ask meme, 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 23, 24. I'd do more but that is all I can remember.

What are your personality disorder(s)? If you have multiple, do you think you have a “main” one?

I have anankastic personality disorder (the DSM likes to call it "OCPD"; I don't think it's a particularly fitting name given how psych currently defines obsessions and compulsions and OCD and those don't particularly fit), NPD, and ASPD. I don't think I have a "main" one per se; some are worse/a larger part of my thinking/feeling/action at different times and they fluctuate. I used to think a lot about which of my disorders I'd get rid of first if I magically had the option one day. My answer has varied greatly over time, and I don't think I can pin down a consistent one. They all suck.

2. Do you have mental illnesses besides personality disorders? Do you think them or your personality disorders affect you more?

I have ADHD (I consider mine a disorder) and C-PTSD. I may also have some degree of OCD symptoms (leftover?), though I've always tried to bury them/ignore that they exist/pretend they're not that bad actually, and I don't think I can really accurately measure how badly it affects me, and trying to do so or just try to explain it in general/talk about how I experience it would require thinking about it which is always unpleasant to some degree. I usually just try to forget they exist.

My ADHD affects my ability to survive under capitalism fulfilling capitalist demands. It impacts my actions and decision-making and perceptions and behaviors 24/7. It's the reason why I know I will never be able to fully do the things I want to do which my anankastia requires me to do and why I fail at everything which requires skills, why I forget everything, why I'm answering this ask from 8/11 a month and a half later because I just Couldn't anytime earlier, why I'm still struggling hard and feel constant existential despair at the overwhelming workload in front of me which will never fully disappear, why I forget everything and why I'm a total mess.

I've only recently come to terms with the fact that I have C-PTSD, mostly because I didn't really understand that all the things I experienced/am experiencing were/are traumatic, and was in heavy denial and didn't really think my symptoms "counted" (was working off very normative models/explanations of what it looks like). For the past few months I've been examining myself more, including my subconscious physical and psychological reactions to certain things and their patterns and my difficulties doing certain things because of certain mental blocks and feelings those produce and how it is in fact woven into every aspect of everything I do too and how it has awful negative effects on me.

I don't know how to say which affects me "more." It would be like comparing apples and oranges. They all affect different aspects of me and my life (a great deal).

4. What would you like mentally ill people without personality disorders to understand?

That 1) you being misdiagnosed with a PD you don't have by saneists isn't an excuse to center yourself in discussions about our PDs rather than us, 2) yes the current psychiatric paradigms and diagnostic criteria are based on statist fallacies conflating current social/external harm/ongoing trauma with inherent harm/trauma and that needs to be corrected, 3) no that doesn't mean our PDs don't exist at all or that none of us would experience inherent distress post-revolution, 4) it does in fact also require paternalism to so arrogantly demand that you know what our minds are like more than we do, 5) in fact everyone who isn't us can shut up with your assumptions about what our minds must be like most of them are laughably simplistic and totally awful and completely off and make huge sweeping generalizations, 6) yes our experiences are in fact nuanced and complex and messy and often not what you expect including our relationships with compassion, empathy, kindness, anger, authoritarianism, entitlement, violence, victimization, and abuse, having them, not having them, perpetrating them, and/or fighting against them, 6) psychiatry is bad actually and please use your critical thinking and learn how to actually critique things even if they're part of the status quo, 7) no you cannot in fact predict with 100% accuracy someone's internal psychological profile based on some external behaviors you need to unlearn your impulse to do so and following the threads of your beliefs to their origins in carceral culture and start holding authoritarians accountable, 8) please learn what a disorder is, no it's not "when someone is abnormal," no it's not "when someone hurts others," 9) it costs you $0 to not use ableist/saneist slurs or insults or armchair-diagnosing there are literally dozens of other actually accurate things you could say, 10) someone fighting back against you oppressing/victimizing them is not "evil boundary-violating" or "gaslighting" or "abuse."

5. What would you like people with your personality disorder(s) to understand?

Fuck psych. They'll only get worse. Not worth it. Your instincts are right about them being full of bullshit and unable to understand much less help. Learn and cope and heal outside of authorities' radar.

Also, anankastia is incredibly misunderstood and erased, even among other people with PDs, and it sucks, and no one ever talks about it ever, and the few people who do talk about it usually just discuss more shallow surface-level versions of it which I have never been able to fully relate to at all given (what I feel is) the severity of my symptoms and their messiness and how deeply it is woven into every aspect of my life and mind and how tightly they all lock into each other in a way I don't think I can extricate myself from ever (pre-transhumanism, at least). I would appreciate more nuanced discussions and acknowledgment and advocacy for cases like mine (the hopeless ones that don't get happy-ending stories about the magical successes of DBT turning their entire life around and fixing all their problems).

Also, you don't have to be an edgelord to get NPD and ASPD destigmatized or accepted. You don't have to brag about being pro abuse or abusing others or assaulting others or dangerous or whatever. You do have agency and nuanced experiences. Also, it's okay to be cringe, and if you cringe at pastel uwu positivity then it's not for you but that doesn't mean it's objectively bad, wrong, or harmful. Also, fakeclaiming others/training yourself to hyper-scrutinize/fakeclaim others is not going to make you seem more valid/real/correct in the eyes of the neurotypicals. Best to deconstruct that early. Also, the pushback against "allowing minors to dx with PDs" is entirely based on numerous pseudoscientific and ageist fallacies which would appear obviously incorrect if you used a single moment of genuine critical thinking and analysis.

6. What would you want a mentally ill person who’s really struggling today to know?

I don't know. That there are people out there in the world fighting for liberation? That some of us have hopes and dreams and plans of totally eradicating our unwanted pain? Options for direct action, ways to contact people who can get you out of an abusive/unsafe situation? That trying is still worth it? That later/tomorrow will be better? That your brain is wrong and everything's okay and you're still okay? You're right and you're valid? I don't know.

23. What are your hardest mental illness symptoms?

When I was 6-11 years old I would probably say the anankastia, the absolute total overwhelming need for [X] to be [Y] way or to do [A] in [B] way despite that being physically impossible and the overwhelming fear of that happening and the intense pain/discomfort which would follow, and the intense pain/discomfort if I did do it correctly anyway because it was time-consuming and exhausting and extremely stressful trying to get it perfectly right all the time and punishing myself if I didn't get it exactly right and arguing with myself trying to figure out what Counted as "Right" in the first place.

When I was 12/13 I would probably say the NPD symptoms which were already showing up and the total paranoia of being criticized/being viewed as less "Good" at all in any way and going to drastic and hugely time-consuming measures trying to prevent that and trying to perfect that the need for which caused me intense constant stress and fear, and being criticized for harming others in an attempt to preserve my own self-esteem/sense of superiority which I need(ed) above all else and caused a major collapse in me and total despair and I couldn't cope with that, and I could hardly cope with any of my other mistakes/failures either.

Or maybe my intense self-hatred regarding my body influenced by my other disorders to cause a horrible eating disorder for several years(?) (recovered now dw).

In 2021 I would say "my overwhelming feeling of need to hurt/abuse/exploit/do injustices to others in order to get things right/feel psychological/emotional fulfillment/not-empty-and-feeling-like-nothing's-there and feeling like I can't/shouldn't hold to my ethical principles (what ethical principles?)/not considering the feelings of others and the horrible shit that would result from my plans which I singlemindedly pursued because I need it so badly and feel like I have no other option and if I don't do them I have nothing and oh shit things actually have consequences."

Right now? I'm not sure. I'm even more of a mess, and everything's too hard, and the last few nights I've successively had breakdowns after feeling significant existential despair. I'm still way better than I was in 2021 though, that was a total trainwreck.

24. What do you do to get over mental health slumps?

I cross my fingers and wait until I get lucky and they go away on their own. Apart from that, meds. My "coping skills" are nonexistent.

#ask #anon #late answer #ask games #pd #ocpd #anankastia #npd #aspd #ocd #c-ptsd #adhd #personal #about iris #iris's mental health #ok to rb

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

Barry freaking out that Iris isn't moving, breathing and doesn't have a pulse when he's in Flash Time is just fantastic. He's in shock. His brain isn't moving fast enough to process what's happening.

Barry is panicking and he can't just pause time to have a panic attack in the middle of the fight and then keep going like nothing happened because the fight is in Flash Time.

It's only the first issue and I'm already impressed with the angst potential and the deeper implications of this event.

#Anytime this guy panics (which is very often) he pauses time to do so and then when he calms down he acts like nothing happened #thats why Eobard keeps getting the drop on him even though Barry is faster. half the time Eobard just has to say something shocking #and barry will pause to process or think. because he doesn't remember that Eobard and him are in flash time #now it's that but war. ptsd anxiety depression trauma.... Barry can't run from it this time #they will all have to actually acknowledge their mental health. what a novel idea. #dc #dc comics #the flash #barry Allen #iris west

[aprilliouz]

Tentang di mana kamu berada saat ini

Belajar untuk gak melihat titik seseorang berdiri dengan tatapan iri. Mungkin adanya perbandingan menjadi godaan untuk terus memaksakan diri supaya sesuai dengan standar orang lain. Seolah-olah kalo tidak sama artinya salah. Kalo berbeda, artinya kalah.

Padahal mungkin di titikmu dan di titiknya, kalian berdua sama-sama dihadapkan dengan tantangan. Masalahmu tak jadi lebih sepele hanya karena kamu belum ada di titiknya.

Mungkin belum sampainya di titik yang sedang orang lain pijak bukan karena kamu buruk. Tapi kamu memang belum layak.

Belum layak karena kamu masih disiapkan banyak bekal. Diberikan hal-hal lain yang bermakna di posisimu sekarang.

Jangan sampai, kamu kehilangan value. Kehilangan kesempatan menemukan hal-hal bermakna di tempatmu sekarang hanya karena pandanganmu terlalu fokus ke seberang.

Mari merayakan pencapaian mereka, Sambil belajar memahami betapa hebatnya mereka dengan segala apa yang dilaluinya untuk sampai di sana.

Sama sepertimu, Yang hebat untuk sampai di titikmu saat ini 🫰🏻❤️

#Pencapaian #Progres #Proses #Iri #Perbandingan #Comparison #Envy #Cemburu #Self worth #Insecure #Insecurity #Self love #Reflection #Kontemplasi #self reminder #Reminder #Mental health #kesehatan mental #Happiness #psychology #Psikologi #my life philosophy

[annasvinyl]

I wish she was mine. Me too. I love her. So why won't they let me adopt her? Because you went to prison for a year for nearly killing a man. And the adoption people have a very dim view of that. Look at what your family did to you. No one stopped them being parents. We love her. That's all that matters. Is it?

#rain dogs #rain dogs bbc #rain dogs hbo #daisy may cooper #jack farthing #*cue selby's self-destructive mode activation* #🥃🚬🫣 #for all their Messy dynamic costello trusts him implicitly to take care of her daughter #she tells him a few times that whatever happens between them she'll never cut selby out of iris' life??? like??? god. #costello knows selby's a violent reckless man who can be so spiteful and cruel #yet she completely believes in his love for iris??? #if there's another series it will be facinating to see selby attempt to be more responsible and respectable fkfkf calmer and nicer lol #but still selby #more like what we saw in ep8 post-mental health ward stay #just that whatever selby gets himself into costello still trusts he'll keep iris safe and sound...... yeah many many feelings #he can be so soft and warm with iris then when he wants to Act Up he says such horrible things to costello but never to iris #it's also a feat that they never act truly unhinged in front of iris #smh many thoughts head full 🥴

[tarotphil]

Q!! For the ask game!! :0

<3 “Question; You can ask one question each to Dan and Phil and they will give you an honest answer, what will you ask?”

for Dan: ok so I spent like 3 months watching every deltarune theory video out there, and I think i heard that Dan played it privately. so I just really want to know his thoughts and theories. who do you think the knight is Mr. Howell

for Phil: I think all the time about how he said he has had a story and set of characters brewing in his mind for years. what I really want is for him to drop a Pinterest board about it lol, but I would settle for asking him for a plot synopsis

#asks #hiiii bestie #me and iris against the world 🐈‍⬛🐈 #if I thought about it more I’d probably have a few for dan about mental health and family issues in an advice kinda way #but deltarune as a fun chatty question #phan #dan and phil

[discocandles]

Lolirock characters ranked on how likely they would be to rock your shit in a fist fight:

Note: this is for characters who speak in at least two episodes. Mostly. There may be a few exceptions.

At the bottom of the list: missy

Tbh missy looks like she'd smack a bitch, but I think she always tries to let her bark do the biting. The second it's getting more physical is the second she's backing out. She's probs the one getting her shit rocked

Next up: Doug

With a name like Doug, you know his fedora-wearing ass doesn't stand a single iota of a chance. And if you get the cell phone, he's down for the fucking count. This is also a good place to put any other love in-show love interest auriana's had... there is one exception

The exception: Matt

Now I know what you're thinking. The dinosaur guy? Why's he soch a big exception? Well it's bc of the falling t-Rex scene. The guy noticed the skull falling and was able to make his way under it, catch it and hold it up until iris got there. Do I think he'd still get whooped in a fistfight? Yes I do, but he's put up more of a fight than the likes of Doug or Timothy(who got bested by a fucking table)

Now, Our magical teddy bear: amaru

While I highly doubt amaru would get into a street fight, I don't think he'd do the best. He's smol, he's squishy, and quite cute. And while these are all amazing facts about him, they are no help in a fight. But I think his cuteness would keep him from being hurt.

She should probs be higher but I'm spending forever on this already: Lyna

Lyna would try to avoid this fight at all costs. don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she couldn't rock your shit. I'm saying she probably wouldn't. This is basically a character trait of hers, as she's a lot better with spells. If she actually joined the fight, she'd probably just fight to a stand still.

Please hear me out: gramorr

Im getting a lot of joy from this. We never see him use anything other than magic and intimidation to get his way. without his magic, he only has intimidation. So I think he can barely throw a punch. Like once the person isn't intimidated by him they could probably rock this man's shit, but his presence makes most just go "nah, fuck this."

Next: Jenny

Is this mostly to spite gramorr? I'll never say. Listen, Jenny would use a lot of foot work to confuse her opponent, and get them to fall, then beat them up. I think this isn't her first rodeo with this crap.

Ok, this is where I'm putting Deinos and Kakos:

if I could separate them, they'd be a lot lower, but they finish each other's sentences, so they're basically one person. They mostly have the advantage of being two people, but put them in a 2v2 and those kids are getting slammed.

After this: Nathaniel

I feel like this fight is under very certain conditions. Someone's being disrespectful and loud in the smoothie shop. He tries to escort kick them out, and they punch him. Nathaniel is able to get them out the door before punching back. And wins the fight, but gets injured in the process.

We're pretty much in the you never stood a chance levels: Auriana

I know I know, it's probably lower than it should be. But I have a good reason for this. It's bc I can't see auriana getting into a fistfight. She's a very charming person, and that gets her out of a lot of these situations. She absolutely kicks ass, but I think it's almost impossible for her to end up in a street fight.

I think I know what I'm doing here: Mephisto

This is probably just a game to him tbh. Like it doesn't matter that he's not using magic. In fact, it probably helps him some since most of the magic fights are using large spells to summon monsters. Also he's talking trash the entire time, but no one quite knows what he means, so he's accidentally playing mind games with his opponents.

Back again?: it's Amaru, but horse form

Yes they are separate, and I know it kind of contradicts the Deinos & Kakos thing but guess what? I don't care. But anyway, horse amaru could take a direct attack from banes, he can handle a little fist fight. Like horses are kinda tanks already, but he also has wings.

We're def in the you never stood a chance category: Talia

If you're pissing her off, it's barely even a fight. The shit-rocking will be swift, she's by far the most efficient. But she won't do it unless it's really needed.

I'm gonna get flamed for this one: Iris

One of my main reasons for this is bc she was the first person we saw using the crystum-pactus spell, which is just like enhanced punching. And in the episode with the evil stuffed animals, in the initial fight iris just bit the plushie that was latched onto talia.

Like she's more feral than we think she is.

Praxina

I don't know why she wouldn't be using her magic, but actually she probably is, and that's what's she's really able to fuck anyone going against her up.

At the very top: Carissa

For Carissa, every fight is a fistfight. Similar to what I said about Lyna, the fact she's good at combat is part of her character. Carissa is also on the short list of people who have fucking bodied Banes, and on his own turf too. She deserves to be able to kick someone in the face. Like Carissa joining a fight by leaping off something and landing on the opponent's face would be iconic, and you can't tell me I'm wrong about that.

#I was going to put lyna a lot lower then realized I couldn't do that to my girl #why is missy the only person with a last name in this show #lolirock #iris lolirock #talia lolirock #lolirock auriana #lolirock mephisto #lolirock praxina #lolirock nathaniel #lolirock Carissa #lolirock lyna #putting gramorr really low on the list really improves my mental health #I was gonna put some more pictures but tumblr does hat my guts so I'll take what I can get

[these-detestable-hands]

I don't wanna be a party pooper because I really love Herlock but with the way they live, Iris is gonna grow up to resent him and likely decrease or completely cut contact after moving out

#She does a lot of the house chores and he relies on her way more than a parent should #A parent shouldn't rely on their kid at all #Maybe when the kid is an adult but Iris is TEN #At that age she should be reading fairy tales and drawing ugly drawings and going to school #Not cooking and cleaning because her guardian is too inconsistent and mentally ill to do it himself #Of course you can't blame a parent for being mentally ill but you can blame him for not reaching out and getting help to raise Iris #Obviously he can't raise her alone #He's a single parent and has a full time job plus some mental health issues #Like dude at least call in Greg to babysit her once or twice a week so you can take a break #Or ask another friend!!! #Idfk #Anyway I speak from experience #My dad is doing badly so I often have to cook and clean because he can't #And it's only partially his fault that he's like this #But I still resent him and I want to cut contact #It wouldn't be unrealistic for Iris to want the same when she gets old enough to realize how unhealthy her relationship with Sholmes is #It's good that Ryunosuke and Susato live with them #And Iris has a friend like Gina who cares about her deeply and helps her sometimes #But that's RECENT #Sholmes has had custody of Iris for as long as she can remember #And with how they both talk about it then this way of living is normal for them #PLEASE get another adult to live with you and take care of Iris you mess of a man!!!! #I have an au I need to make on this subject #To explore the characters but also to vent some of my resentment towards my own dad #Proof reading the tags and I wanna add something #Iris still cooks when Ryu and Susato move in #So they don't do much to lessen the load on her #But add to it because she has to cook for two more people #pie won't shut up #asexual attorneys

[storyteller-aprendiz]

I was re-listening to tscosi the other day, and I think we don't talk enough about how fragile Violet Liu's self-worth is.

Like, your life is more valuable than some samples.

And like saying to the Rumor crew, "You can't threw me out! You need me! I know medical stuff, that's my value!". Like idk but I think they were very clear at that time that Violet could stay or not if she so wanted, but she still was with the governments idea that none would want her if she didn't have something to give to them.

Tldr, Violet (as her gf) also needs q hug

#mental health issues #tscosi #the strange case of starship iris #violet liu

[necrospellbinder]

I'm feeling so damn hollow

Staring into the eyes of tomorrow

#art by yours truly #art by me #w101 #wizard101 #wizzy fandom #fan art #wizsona #amy hexshade #amira hexshade #original character #oc #vent art(ish)? #guess who's mental health has declining even worse now? ME! #song lyrics are from broken iris's eyes of tomorrow #i'll keep this up but only because it's art lmao #crossposted on twitter #haha my life is a fucking pathetic joke

[chaosandwolves]

I gotta say I loved that convo between Iris and Carlos.

I think they depicted that struggle with mental illness and no one believing you ever again and not trusting yourself so so well.

#911 lone star #iris blake #carlos reyes #Mental health

[guardian-angle22]

Yes, I agree with not agreeing with some stuff Rafa says in interviews. I feel the same about some Ronen interviews as well. I don't find "tension" scenes beautiful like he does so PLEASE GIVE ME THE FLUFF THAT WILL BE EPISODE 8.

All in all, I just hope episode 4 is as good as it's possibly shaping up to be.

Yeah bless them both truly - they love their characters so much and you can tell by the passion they have when talking about it. They also just love their jobs and any scene or plot where they get to truly just fucking act the hell out of it is going to be what they love... and while I personally think those can include the fluff and the humor, I can see why the ~drama of it all~ would be more appealing to an actor.

Important thing to note about all these interviews: there’s always going to be a disconnect between their internal character work/justifications/thoughts as the actors: who film the scenes multiple ways, then moves onto the next one, don’t have control over the final edit, and then never go back to revisit the episodes compared to fandom: who obsess over every tiny detail and every single word of every phrase and have watched these episodes over and over and over.

#anon answered #ive said it once today and ill say it a million times: we just gotta accept the retcon if it happens lmao #retcons are annoying but they arent the end of the world #if they're going to retcon season one into carlos knowing all about iris having mental health struggles even tho he never brought it up #there are worse things they could retcon 🤷‍♀️ #911ls spoilers & spec #negativity discourse all the bad words #(gonna start tagging that more on these asks for anyone who wants to filter out negativity!)

[teabookgremlin]

have an official timeline for iris leaving :(

#i’m very sad #going to see if any of my friends will be able to join me to bring her to her new raiser #and hopefully i’ll get some more details on my next pup soon #that probably won’t be til late august but i’ll take one as soon as they have one #sorry gotta think about the next pup to not get too sad #i know it seems like i’m moving on prematurely but it really does help me to feel better #bc puppy raising is really good for my mental health/i just love it #so yeah hopefully i won’t be waiting too long before i get another dog to work with #and hopefully iris being placed with a professional will allow her to get over her behavioral issues #and continue on with her training so that she can be an amazing service or therapy dog #just gonna be a rough little while for me

[evilautist]

irie i love you (debatable) but god you fucking suck at acting

#i have complicated feelings about irie #his relationship with mental health crime and consent fascinates me #but also his jokes are uh #not good #higurashi #irie kyosuke

[leeyip]

#Iris #CPTSD #Mental Health #Photography #China #Guangzhou #Ricoh GR #Art

[koorminii]

the urge to flip out at my friend bc every time i log into insta she’s getting upset at me for replying late after i’ve told her so many times i don’t have notifications on for instagram and i don’t log in often bc i need a break. I go on there once in a while to post on my story and that’s it omfg i’ve told her i’m not ignoring her, i have abt 20 messages on one of three accounts and i don’t even look at any bc it’s overwhelming. idk how many times i can explain that ??? like text my phone number if it’s important

#and i feel bad #especially for saying it like this #but it’s frustrating #and it makes me feel like a bad friend #but i’m off instagram for my mental health #logging on once a week is not me being active #i’m not ignoring her on purpose and i’m tired of explaining the same thing over and over #i feel like a jerk #— stfu iris! 🩰

[daydrcamings]

@demongemz

iris had no idea how any of this was possible. she remembered her death... it was not something she could ever possibly forget now, could she? however; that meant that being here? made absolutely no sense. she should be dead. long dead if the world around her was anything to go by but... here she was. lost. confused. concerned about her family. though it seemed that whatever had brought her here? seemed to want to reunite her with her loved ones. "abigail? oh my sweet, sweet child... is... is that really you?" she questioned with wide eyes, staring at her daughter in shock. had her little girl died too? no... no, it couldn't be.

#( demongemz. ) #( iris interacts. ) #( iris x abigail. ) #mental health tw #death mention tw