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effervescentdragon · 3 years

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Another Therapy Session For Me or Thanks, Taylor, You're The Woman

okay so i need to get this out. taylor swift put out all too well 10 min version yesterday, and i watched the short film the moment i woke up and i have something to say

first of all, the song hits on so many different levels, like, the gaslighting of my previous relationship, oh my god. that part with his friends, and how she straightened her hair and wore red lipstick, fuck, i did that. i read everything there was about this 'straight edge' crap his bandmates were into, and i listened to this awful fucking screaming music so that i woyld have something to discuss with them when i was inevitably pulled into their little fucked up band circle. and fuck, im not that into music, im always more into lyrics, but my interests didnt matter. and when i commented on their casual misogyny and how one of his bandmates used to cheat on his wife whenever they went away for a gig, and everyone knew it, i got told that its not like that and i was misinterpreting it and that it was stupid and unimportant, implying that me and my feelings and thoughts were also stupid and unimportant. and my ex was only 2yrs older than me, but his friends were like 6-10 yrs older than that, and it just made me feel so fucking awful.

this song brought back so many memories that i only now realize are so fucked up. girls are always put in these patriarchal structures where its expected of us to seek approval from men who are older and hence depicted as wiser, and that is just such fucking bullshit. (ofc, trans and non-binary people are also put in these kinds of power structure struggles, but here im talking from my perspective as a cis woman who is attracted to men). its like, your worth increases if you get approval from these 'cool older smart dudes', but when time passes, you realize that those dudes are literally fucking wankers with emotional range of a teaspoon who in a way prey on impressionable, younger girls, because in most cases women their age would expect them to, you know. have a job or something, and not spend their days pretending they're metallica in their seventh-rate glorified boy band, but for Real Men and playing Real Music, whatever the fuck that even means.

other point was, that kissing scene between sadie and dylan. holy fuck did that make me uncomfortable, and it took me some time to figure out why, and then i remembered. when i was 17 i had this friend who was some 8 yrs older than me. he was smart, and cool, and seemed like he had life figured out, and we spent ages talking abt politics and philosophy and fantasy (he got me into asoiaf) and i wasnt always as oblivious to romantic stuff as i am now, so i always felt there was some intent there, but something always held me back. i kept telling myself "oh ur so shallow, he may not be the handsomest guy around, but you should give him a chance despite that, bcs hes really nice and kind and smart". and holy fucking god how fucked up is that?! that is fucking patriarchal gaslighting at its fucking WORST, bcs now i realize that wasnt me being shallow. that was me being uncomfortable, the same kind of uncomfortable i felt while i watched that scene and that i felt when he kissed me that one time and i turned away real quick and kinda ghosted him before ghosting was a thing. it was the unconfortable which comes from a twenty six year old man kissing a seventeen year old girl. fuck. just, fucking hell, i didnt even realize how messed up that was, and still is. so like, kudos to my internal alarm going off and not engaging in that kind of relationship. what i think also helped is that my friend at that time 18 was in a relationship with this 29yo dude, and i could feel red flags all throughout that relationship even if i couldnt articulate them, because of whom she turned down a scholarship for oxford and stayed in our shitty little town in the middle of nowhere, only to break up when she was 21. probably too old for him.

so basically i wanna say thanks taylor, for putfing all this into perspective for me. i havent stopped listening to the song for these past two days, and it really, really helps knowing that im not the only one.

#effervescentdragonrants #taylor swift #red taylor’s version #all too well #all too well taylor swift #all too well taylor's version #personal #tw gaslighting #tw minor x adult

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redsector-a · 3 years

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AO3 Ask Game

I was tagged by @themarshalstale which, thank you so much! I feel like I always get missed on these (I know why, it’s been 84 years since I published anything but still). 1. How many works do you have on ao3?

46 it seems. Which...look I’m slow man so that’s not surprising. lol Also crippling depression does not make for much production, at least for me.

2. What’s your current AO3 wordcount?

309662 according to the stats.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

So do I could only AO3 or in like life? lol I suppose it should only be on AO3 since this is an AO3 ask game. Hrm. Basically AO3 can be summed up as: Marvel (in several iterations - all Avengers related) Torchwood Highlander But isn’t it more fun to consider my entire fandom life, which, I’m sorry, I’m old so...yeah. Not all of this is was published and beyond that a lot is not available anymore...which is likely for the best. Highlander Star Wars Babylon 5 Ronin Warriors/Samurai Troopers Marvel (again, several iterations also of note Avengers and X-Men both count) Torchwood Star Trek LOTR Stargate (SG-1, SGA) Mortal Kombat I dabbled with the idea of Potter fic but never got past the ideas stage.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1: You rearrange me till I’m sane Clint finds himself spiraling into a deep depression after the Battle of New York...until the Winter Soldier ends up saving him and inadvertently giving him a new purpose – to save the man that the Soldier had once been – Bucky Barnes. Not one to be outdone, the Soldier decides that his new mission is to ensure that Clint remains alive himself. Protecting a blonde man with a self-destructive streak is somehow very familiar to him. Through the back and forth of who is saving whom they cross the country and learn more about themselves and each other – and perhaps find a reason for living. 2: Five Dates Bucky Didn’t Realize He Was on And the One He Planned Himself To say that Bucky was surprised when Clint kissed him was an understatement. But it was nothing compared to the shock he felt when he learned they'd been dating for months without him realizing it.Clint gets whisked away for a mission before they have time to talk and Bucky is left to figure things out on his own - hindsight being 20/20 he can't help but wonder how he missed things the first go around.

3: Puck Luck Bucky Barnes is used to the ups and downs of an NHL season. He's used to the unpredictability of the game, knows that bounces don't always go your way, but that doesn't make a broken hand in the final third of the season any easier to deal with. Especially not when he ends up with an impromptu roommate/personal assistant in the form of one Clint Barton - his agent, Natalia Romanova's (rather attractive) friend he hadn't known existed before his injury.

It's just for six to eight weeks - what could possibly happen in that span of time?

4: Loose Lips Launch Ships

Based on the following prompt: “We go to school together and I think you’re cute and apparently you’re also the pizza delivery guy and my little sibling opened the door screaming hey sibling! you know that kid you’re in love with? you really weren’t kidding when you said his jawline could cut steel holy shit-” Bucky is the pizza delivery guy. Clint's younger (foster) brother has a big mouth.

5: Indelible Bucky Barnes has a pretty decent life – a good job, good friends, a cat that adores him - but something is missing. He’s always found body art to be beautiful and inspiring, and on a whim (and with the hope that maybe he can find what he’s missing) he decides to take the plunge and get a tattoo. That's how he meets Clint Barton. Clint's talented and compassionate and there is an instant spark between the two of them. It's not long before Bucky finds himself wondering and wanting more from the relationship despite the ghosts of the past that crop back up. Because Clint makes him feel normal in a way he truly hasn't for years...

(this was pre-Alpine so I was totally chuffed when canon confirmed Bucky’s status as a crazy cat lady (affectionate).

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not.

I really really really want to do it but I often times don’t end up doing it. There are a few reasons. First, I am akwward AF and bad at interaction adn I feel like just saying thank you would be...not enough? Second - I often times tend to like...turtle (aka retreat into myself) when life gets Too Hard/Busy which happens a lot to me (sigh) and then I miss the vague window in my mind in which it would be okay to respond and then it’s even more weird. I do love and cherish all of them. Like there was one months ago that made me go “hmm...I didn’t think I was going to do a sequel to that fic (You rearrange me till I’m sane), timestamp glimpses sure but a sequel hadn’t come to mind” but then the comment made me think! So...who knows? lol Anyway, I literally have been rereading some in an effort to try and get myself going again. Know that if you have commented, I love you.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

At the moment? Probably: Look at you look at me Bucky's in love with Clint - problem is he's really not supposed to be. For Winterhawk Week 2019 - Forbidden Love (I really don’t want to give away the spin in the fic but...if you’re familiar with the Secret Avengers Vol 2 run circa 2013ish (aka when SHIELD initially ‘took control of the team’) that’s a bit of a hint as to the spin). Were it done, Torch Song would be up there. ;) Torch Song Clint is sent back in time, via an alien device, to 1938. While he tries to figure out how to get back home, he takes up singing and entertaining to make ends meet and does his best to not disrupt the timeline.Then he meets a 21 year old Bucky Barnes. --- A torch song is a sentimental love song, typically one in which the singer laments an unrequited or lost love, either where one party is oblivious to the existence of the other, where one party has moved on, or where a romantic affair has affected the relationship.

7. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Does *wanting* to write crossovers count? lol I want, so badly, to do more crossovers and fusions (which...are kinda deeper versions of crossovers in a way). The only one I do have posted is a crossover between Highlander and Torchwood -

The Immortal Mr. Jones A series of vignettes (some long, some short) in the life of the newly immortal Ianto Jones. My most ambitions project that I have been working on since late 2011/early 2012 is a fusion of the Avengers with Stephen King’s the Stand. I will get that done at some point *shakes fist* The Stand, for those who don’t know it, is an epic 1000+ page novel about a flu epidemic (I know) that wipes out over 99% of the population and then two figures representing Good and Evil pull the survivors in two directions for a showdown. So basically it’s a non-powered modern AU set in that universe. It’s a passion and comfort project. lol

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes. Well, minor bitching back when I was in a prior fandom because I tagged a pairing in a fic but it was pre-slash and not labeled as pre-slash. I got hate on...I think it was Torch Song? And I’ve gotten hate on tumblr re me and my fic in general as well. Fandom! *jazz hands* Oh! And I’ve also been hit by those reviewers within Winterhawk (among general Clint pairings actually) who like rate you on either number scales or the “meh” scale. Which isn’t hate exactly but...it’s passive aggressive bullshit because I can’t believe none of them realize at this point that the authors can see their bookmarks - you know?

9. Do you write smut?

Yes. Do I write it well? I have no idea. lol

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I am aware of. Well...there was, I think, one of those reposting sites that had a few fics on it but I don’t think it was being passed off as someone else’s? I can’t quite recall. It’s why I have a note on AO3 about reposting my work anyway.

11. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not entirely, but sort of. Let me explain - I am part of a PBEM game; which for those unfamiliar since it’s a term that was most heavily in use 15-20 years ago, in which you basically do a round robin type writing thing but rather than everyone writing the same characters you write your own characters and you play off what other people have done. Another way of looking at it is it’s basically DnD without dice and written down rather than done out loud. You also don’t have to all be around at the same time. It’s a lot of fun and yes I have been in it for 20 years even though there aren’t many of us left but they are some of my dearest friends and fabulous writers. Wins all around. One of the other writers and I have actually toyed with the idea of doing a co-written fic actually, mostly because we work super well together and keep getting ideas for things but can’t really do them as rpgs since the pbem style isn’t used much anymore.

12. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Winterhawk probably. Though, let’s be real - Han & Leia are epic and amazing as are John & Delenn (from Babylon 5).

13. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Does wanting to expand The Black Stallion books as a wee child count? lol Not much of that was written save for world building ideas but there was a great oral tradition of telling stories to my friends. Otherwise...maybe a tie between Star Wars and Highlander. Star Wars was a love since I was super young but the writing bug didn’t hit me until around the same time Highlander was a thing as well.

14. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? You rearrange me till I’m sane for sure. Though Torch Song, if it were finished, would be tied I imagine (I suck at picking favorites). Honorable mention to Puck Luck and Indelible. Tagging: I have seen this like a million times (okay 5) so I feel like everyone has been tagged already that I know. But...I guess... @vexbatch @crazycatt71 @heartonfirewrites and @disruptedvice sorry if anyone has been tagged before.

#icyredfics #writing #winterhawk #long post

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secretlywritingstories · 2 years

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I’m having dinner with my friends. We’re sharing food, I’m laughing, they’re laughing. I’m reminded of how at ease I feel in their company, all of worn-down our respective work days, suppressing yawns, but the smiles are genuine. We catch each other up, we exist in our own little bubble for a couple of hours.

The restaurant is an old haunt of ours, one we’ve been coming to for years, at least a few times a year. Some of the staff knows us, we have booths where we usually sit. We’ve seen how they’ve moved on from orders written down on slips of paper and gotten iPads instead. The food still tastes the same, always good, or maybe it’s just enriched by the company.

I’ve known them for years. One is no longer a classmate of mine. One has become a mother. We’re different from when we first met and yet we are still the same in our hearts in some way. I long ago accepted these gals as “my people” and they got their own little rooms in the corridors of my heart. I hope they will occupy them for a very, very long time.

It struck me tonight by how thankful I am to have people like that in my life. It always takes a little coordinating to get three different schedules to work together, to find a free slot but I know they are always there, ready and happy to meet up if time allows it. They love me and they love to hang out with me, just as I do.

I’m not sure what version of adulthood I had in my head when I was younger. I most certainly thought I would be working a different job, one that challenged me intellectually, instead of what I am doing now. I probably would have guessed that I’d have a romantic partner, maybe a dog of my own at this age. Instead, I have a job I don’t love but I do like it and my colleagues are great. I still spent a lot of time at my family house, I’m close with my parents and little brother still and I adore my mother’s dogs. I’ve never been in a serious relationship all my life, and there is an ache for it sometimes, however, most days I am completely at ease.

I have good people in my life. These two friends. Another, even older, pair of friends as well. My family. All the lovely mutuals from here, some whom I talk to daily. I have the family dogs and I have my horse. The people from the stables who aren’t quite friends but they are familiar and safe all the same. Colleagues from work who make my work day brighter.

I fill my day with enjoying my fandoms. I write so many stories that I’m lucky enough that others want to read. I play and train with my animals. I talk to my friends and family. My future still feels far away, fog keeping it shrouded in mystery, but I like this here. I like myself and I am also learning to be better each day. I’m thankful for the people in my life bringing me smiles and laughter, even in the most mundane moments.

#spilled thoughts #food mention #friendship #personal #my tumblr dabbles

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misssolitudesmusicblog · 2 years

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My music for January 2022

Hello Tumblr, I know it’s been awhile since I have posted a blog on here, nevertheless I am ready to bring a monthly music blog that dives into all the music I came across in my life presently. So without further adieu the following link is to my January 2022 music playlist on Spotify:

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4NHzIEUoPFJeEzfhNgemvz?si=f3d2cfb6852f4ac1

Please feel free to follow and like :)

While there is many good song on this playlist I dive into the particular songs that resonated and stood out to me the most.

Diving into number 18:

I have always been a fan of this band and loved their unique sound, I had first discovered this band from the movie Cruel Intentions which had featured their song “Every You Every Me” which is an amazing song but I didn’t even know this band was still making music until my Spotify notified me of their new music releases. This is definitely a band I would love to see in concert. I secretly wish to see them play along with another band called Portishead and I think if I ever saw both of them on a line up I would freaking loose my mind...So here I am maybe manifesting and putting those vibes out there ...

Coming in at number 17:

I don’t much about this band other than the band members coming from the mountains of Boone North Carolina. I came across this song on my Discover Weekly on my Spotify and enjoyed the song very much.

Coming in at number 16:

While I am not Russian and don’t speak the language I very much enjoyed this song. This happens to be the 2nd song I have listened to from Gregory Ambartsumyan who is the genius of PERMSKY KRAY bringing us with electronic post punk style I dig...The song by the way translates to “With Cold Hands” I hope to come across more songs in the future.

At number 15:

I don’t much about the music artist Tkay Maidza, I very much enjoyed her cover to “Where Is My Mind? by the Pixies” it was done well and creatively.

At number 14:

“4 morant (Better Luck Next Time)” is a song by Doja Cat uploaded to Doja’s SoundCloud account around late 2012, but has since been taken down.

I happen to come across this song on my Spotify Discover Weekly as well and didn’t know it was Doja Cat whom I adore. Doja Cat blew up and I am so happy for her. Her music has got me through these past few years. This song slaps and love the lyrics. I hope to add Doja Cat to my vinyl record collection this year. I’ve actually seen Doja Cat preform at 2017 Growlers Festival before she got big and thought she was so cute only knowing a few of her songs at the time and now just look at her...like...”go little Rockstar”...if you know...you know.

At number 13:

This song is so amazing, and I am forever thankful to Logic to raise such an awareness to mental health. This song hits home to me and has gotten me through some of my toughest days. According to a recent study, suicide rates dropped by 5.5 percent since the song's release.

At number 12:

The song Grateful by Kota the Friend can be described as a mantra and a positive affirmation for an outlook to life. I absolutely love this song and feel blessed to have artist like Kota the Friend to align and raise our vibrations to gratitude. Just as Good Days by SZA got me through my 2021 I feel like this song will definitely be aiding me through my 2022 and have not a doubt that this song will probably end up on my top songs for 2022.

At number 11:

My Life by Bravo the Bagchaser was introduced to me by my younger brother Cesar. I immediately recognized the classic Dre beat and loved the slowed version into this song. The flow of the rapping is smooth but not in way for me to be awe in the level of lyricism. I am not down playing the song at all and I very much enjoyed the song and loved the vibe most of all.

At number 10:

Mailbu by flowerovlove, I discovered through my Spotify. I love the beat and the vibe this song gives. I look forward to hearing more songs from the artist flowewrovlove. I can definitely see myself putting this song in future playlist of mine, with hot girl summer around the corner you can catch my drift...

At number 9:

Woman by Little Simz, and Cleo Sol is a fucking vibe. I happen to come across this song because I follow former president Barak Obama on Instagram and he had posted this song as one of his top songs of 2021 and I fell in love with this song as well.

At number 8:

And if you wondered if I love this song? (I do)...Like come on, that’s my girl SZA this song slaps. I’m praying for a new SZA album drop soon...

At number 7:

Praise God by Kanye West was a song that hyped me up coming into 2022. I didn’t listen to Donda album when it dropped. I have always been a fan of the music but not the artist in particular. I have been put off by the artist demeanor and the things that he has said. I am however able to look past that and focus on the good music this artist brings. I definitely do enjoy the spiritual aspect the artist brings to the table. I actual have Jesus Is King on vinyl and enjoy the album very much. I’m curious about Donda Part 2 that is dropping on 2/2/2022.

At number 7:

Eazy by The Game & Kanye West is a song that goes hard with that chorus line:

(He was once a thug from around the way) My life was never (Eazy) My life was never (Eazy)

The Game has been another artist I have been wanting to see in concert. I very much enjoyed the collaboration with Kanye on here and look forward to more music by both artist.

At number 5:

WTF Are We Talking For by Labrinth is just such an amazing song. I am a big fan of the show Euphoria. My Sundays of all of my January have been me watching season 2. The soundtrack to the show is amazing as well and I am hoping I can cop season 1 & 2 on vinyl soon. I will probably have to sell my left kidney for the first one because I already seen how much that was going for on Discogs.

At number 4:

Watercolor Eyes by Lana Del Rey like do I need to say less...I love Lana Del Dey she complete me. I absolutely adore her and so excited to see that this song was featured on Euphoria season 2. I have no doubt that Lana Del Rey will probably be my top artist for 2022 she has been my number 1 artist on my Spotify since 2016. I love her new album Blue Banisters that was just released last year of 2021 along with Chemtrails Over the Country Club, Lana is just on fire. May this beautiful woman continue to bless us with her music through out the years to come.

At number 3:

Superstar by Pretty Sick is another song I came across on my Spotify Discover Weekly and I dig this song very much. I don’t know much about the band but hope to come across more of their music in the future.

At number 2:

Can't Help Myself by Alexandra Savior is a song I that I absolutely find myself singing quite frequently. This song is so good and I am hoping that I can learn to play a cover of this song on the ukulele. Wish me luck.

And finally at number 1:

1969dime by Monica Riskey...Let me tell you, this song is so good, I found myself singing this song a lot in the car and in the shower. I very much enjoyed this song all month long and happy to have as my top song of January 2022.

Well that is all folks, thank you so much for stopping by to my music blog. Tune in next month for February’s music blog.

Sincerely yours,

Miss Solitude

#Spotify #music #music playlist #january

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mentallyinwalmart · 4 years

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There Is Nothing To Forgive a Braime soulmates one shot

This fic is a twist on the “shared dreams” soulmate trope, where, in my version, the God’s let your soulmate appear in dreams.

Jaime Lannister had never been good with words. All his life they had evaded him, from the time when he was a child and he couldn’t read without a heafty struggle, to his adolescence when he’d attempt to express to Cersei his feelings.

She didn’t care of course. She didn’t want his love, his admiration, and she didn’t care about his words, or lack thereof. All she wanted was his body and the pleasure it could bring her, all she sought was the security of knowing he was hers, under her spell, forever.

So the appearance of anyone speaking to him in dreams was odd. He was visual, and his dreams often came as a bombardment of images, some cruel, some lovely, all powerful, without a word to be gleaned from any of them.

But this night was different.

The dream was simple really, he was there, in the throne room, watching from above like a raven in the rafters, Aerys on the throne, his own white cloak shining. He watched as the mad king laughed, and he could hear the innocent scream as the king shook with wicked, mad laughter. He tightened the grip on his hilt and stepped closer. He could not hear what Aerys was saying, nor could he hear any other words, but he could smell the sickly chemical scent of wildfire and could feel the heat that would surely come from it.

He watched his own hands shake as he took another step up behind the king, all the fear he had felt in that moment evident on his terrified face.

But suddenly, he was not alone as he raised the sword to strike true. A girl, tall and strong, with long blonde hair hanging down her back. She was younger than him, but her eyes glowed like saphires and as she pressed herself against him, she took his hand on the swords hilt in her own, wrapping a warm hand around his, and helping guide the blade.

I understand. Her words materialized in his mind, and she smiled sadly before helping him guide the word into its sheath through Aery’s back.

Forgive me. Never before had he spoken in a dream. Nor had he cared to.

There is nothing to forgive.

She faded before he could get a true glimpse at her face, leaving him alone to claw at the air, before waking bolt upright, alone in the summer night.

—

Actions spoke louder than words, and yet words were what Brienne put stock in. Honor was her pillar of principle, and she believed in any man’s word as she expected them to do in hers.

And so, when a young man’s begging voice pierced the foggy clouds of her dreams one night, begging for help, for forgiveness, and justifying why he killed.

For the innocent. For those he would slaughter. Because if I do not do it, who can?

She felt a strange sense of longing for that voice, for the man who must wield its mighty tone. She let herself drift towards it, it’s words becoming more and more earnest, panicked, even.

Please, mother, father, someone, guide me.

She searched the crevasses of her dream for its source, but as always found no images, only fragments of words. But then, just as she was about to give up, he appeared.

Forgive me.

The boy was behind the mad king, drawing his sword, tears gathered in his eyes. And suddenly, Brienne was there too. One look at the boy and she knew what he needed. She wrapped her hand around his, and pressed herself gently beside him, taking on the burden of the blade and the sentence it was about to deal. She knew how this story would end.

The sword pierced.

There is nothing to forgive.

All was warm and light was everywhere for a moment, and then it became too much and she awoke, sweating and panting in the summer night air.

Soul dreams are a thing of the distant past. I am no fool. She repeated the sentiment over and over, across years as she travelled lands and seas, and came to the service of Renly Baratheon. Finally, she had stopped thinking about the boy, the Kingslayer, with whom she had shared a dream unlike any other.

Until the night she dreamt of the shadow.

Though she could not see it, she could feel the cool air sweep through the tent, and could feel the hair on her arms stand up. She felt her heart hammer in her chest, and her blood run frozen.

No. No. Please no. Do not make me watch this again.

Renly was dead a week, and yet she could not sleep without watching it play out, over and over again. Perhaps I am the Kingslayer.

You are not.

Suddenly she could see again, and there he was. Older now, but without mistake: Jaime Lannister.

It takes one to know one, and it is not you.

It was his phantom turn to come closer, to warm her against the chill.

How can I ever forgive myself? She wept as Renly before her died once again, and her heart felt as if it were frozen to ice.

There is nothing to forgive.

Her heart beat fast and she turned to see his face.

But he was gone. And she left alone in her bedroll in Catelyn Starks tent.

—

There is nothing to forgive.

Jaime repeated the words his golden haired maiden had once offered him so many years ago. He prayed it would bring her the same solace it brought him.

He had heard of soul dreams, of the most ancient and purest loves, ones which the gods themselves were invested in. Ones for whom the soul was so tightly bound that they could, when direly necessary, appear in dreams.

But he didn’t believe it. Rather, he believed that as comfort had been offered to him, so would he offer it. For some reason. He couldn’t quite place why, but something had compelled him to speak to her, to comfort her, despite not even knowing if she was real, or just a figment of his imagination.

He thought about it a lot on the road to Kingslanding, as him and Brienne walked in silence. There was something in the way she looked at him, this odd familiarity, overshadowed by anger and confusion. It made him wonder a great deal about what she knew of him. It was not an expression he was used to being on the receiving end of.

—

To Brienne’s chagrin, Jaime did not appear in her dreams after the night he lost his hand. Despite the fact that she so sincerely blamed herself for it.

But as they stared at one another at the bathhouse, and he suddenly, inexplicably began to speak, something in her chest thrummed.

“I know, Ser Jaime.” She said, before he had fully begun the explanation of why he killed Aerys. “You did it for the people, for the innocents. If you didn’t, who could?”

His face went slack and his jaw hung loose, eyes fixed on hers as they simultaneously put the pieces together. In unison they spoke their next words carefully.

“There is nothing forgive.”

~~~~~

Thank you so much for reading!!!! I am so happy to be back, and I hope to write a lot more in the coming weeks. Pleaaaaaaaaase send me any suggestions or promps you might have, or if you’d like to see more continuations of any of my work lmk!!!! As always, PM me if you want to be added or removed from the tag list :) Love you all xx, Bea

Tag list: @b00kworm @sassbewitchedmyass @onlyjaimebrienne @nashilena @oathbreaker-oathkeeper @averageinside @itsclaucueva @briennexofxtarth @slytherinoftarth @ladyem-fandom @afittingdistraction @ben-roll-io @marasjadesfire @paceofbase @hotarukuro

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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14. Three Most Common Mistakes Kinky People Make When Dating.

Writing as Mistress K8 Morgan, k8morgan.com

I got inspired to write this post when I was answering earlier questions. In my tenure as a full-time Kinkstar (note the play on the word kinkster) – and yes, I use this definition today because regardless of who we are, dominant or submissive, fetishists, sadists, masochists, lifestyle or professional, we all tend to walk into these mistakes head first – I have done so myself when I was younger, and I have seen and heard too many stories of couples and individuals blaming all and everything around them for their own inability to sort even themselves out, let alone a relationship! Blame game is easier, and might be tempting, but up until you snap out of it, you will be making same bitter mistakes over and over and over again…

1. The first, most fundamental, and probably most common dating mistake for any type of kinkster is to reject the fact that they have a kink. To refuse it. To deny it. To sweep it under the carpet. To bury it deep inside their unconsciousness, and spend 24/7 guarding it, in case it comes out.

“Nope. Nope, Not me! I do not like it! I may look at kinky porn all day, but I do not like it! Nope! People who do it are disgusting, sick and disgusting!”

Or a milder version: “I like it, it is fun. But I have outgrown it now. I am now fully vanilla, and I do not need to revisit kink for the rest of my life. I will just be a happy innocent vanilla individual from now on, happy with the bland happiness of the masses, not missing the spices at all. Here, take my whip, and give me a cooking apron…”

Or an even subtler version yet: “I really want to be treated like a sub, but I am too embarrassed to tell my GF about it… What will she think? This is embarrassing… After all, she is my life partner, I have so much to lose if I tell her…” Latter is solely a male thing, never heard of a woman having a problem in telling her guy that she is kinky!

And the sad truth is that, whether you want it or not, whether you like it or not, but YOU ARE KINKY, and you may deny it until you are blue in the face, but it will not go anywhere. And the more you deny it, the more it will be coming out sideways, in forms of irritability, stress, anxiety, avoidance behaviour, even erectile dysfunction. Go ahead and try to explain to your partner of two years why you are sporting a “floppy disk” every time you try to shag her, yet get rock hard every time you see a woman dangle her shoe somewhere in a restaurant. I dare you!

2. But even those who see, recognise, and acknowledge, at least to themselves, the fact that they are kinky, still often commit the second most common mistake of dating – refusing to act upon it. For whatever moral reasons one might imagine.

Usually, if they are dating, it is because they have decided that their GF will dump them at an instant if they tell her. And if they are single, it is because “they cannot find a kinky GF”. Truth is, NEITHER are a good or valid reason, and they are either cowards or lazy, or both. Yes, it takes a fair amount of bravery to come out and start acting upon your kinks – but that is where we, the Professionals, come in. And, contrary to general belief, MOST people survive a session. Absolute vast majority! 😊

And this particularly goes out to my millennial friends: denying your fantasies a reality check leads to a very distorted perception of yourself, your kink needs, and of the idea what your future relationships need to be…

This is why I keep telling them that most submissive guys I’ve met, and that is probably more than they’ve met, do not NEED a Dominatrix as a girlfriend. You may THINK you do, for years, and then go, have one session of two hours with a good Professional Domina, and suddenly realise how great, fulfilling yet exhausting it is and that the effect will last you another month! So you can go forth and date whomever you see fit, as long as they are understanding of your needs and kinks. Because believe you me, it is much cheaper to see Dominatrices for sessions than it is to date us!

3. And the third, and final mistake that I will describe in this post is imagining things that are not there, be it about yourself or others:

“My girlfriend asked me to take the rubbish out! Ohh ohhhh… She must be dominant, and so kinky! Thank god I found someone like that, whom I could serve with my all soul!” -- Sweetie, just because someone asked you to do something does not mean they are kinky, or dominant, or even know your middle name. By your logic your good old boss must be an outright perv as I bet he/she tells you what to do all the time!

“Oh my god, the feet of this girl are so perfect, such toes, I am so hard… Gosh, I must be such a submissive man, I need a Dominatrix as a GF ASAP… oh wait, that other girl has really nice tits… Hmmmm!!! False alarm!” -- One does not necessarily exclude another, but it would behoof you to be at least somewhat sure. Otherwise you’d appear as a complete lunatic to anyone who’d speak to you!

“My GF has never asked me to choke her – she is probably as vanilla as they get!” -- Have you ever asked your GF to do you with a strap-on? No!?? You must be as vanilla as they get...

“Mistress, I am a lowly, undeserving slave, I have this deep devotion to the Superior Sex and believe in Female supremacy, and I need a Mistress like You to serve her 24/7 and to give up my daily life to serve just Her and Her alone!” -- No, sweetie, what you ARE is a middle manager, what you HAVE is a mortgage, a car loan, a wife, two kids and a dog, and what you NEED is a pat on the back with a shovel, and if that fails, a quick lunch-time lobotomy. If you leave your daily life, who’s going to take the rubbish out upon request from your “dominant” wife???

Stop trying to label everything and everyone, stop trying to make decisions for other people, stop chasing ultra-realistic pink unicorns -- and just…talk to your partner or a professional! My name, Schroedinger’s K8, is just about that – until you open that conversation, you partner can both be kinky and not kinky at the same time. And so can you! Being kinky is just ONE side of you, I hope, and there definitely should be more to you and your personality than kink. Accept it, the same way as you have accepted your kinks. It will lead to a much more wholesome you, and a much more wholesome relationship you have, with yourself and with your partner, too!

And that is it for today, boys and girls. I know this may seem like an easy thing to write, being a Professional Dominatrix, but I have learnt through these mistakes the hard way myself… They say experience is a harsh teacher – but boy do you learn!!!

No one, under the penalty of the EU copyright laws, is allowed to use or reproduce my blog or individual posts, or even passages, in any way, shape or form, be it for Netflix series, Amazon books, or anything of the kind, regardless of the credit given.

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starspatter · 5 years

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WIP Challenge

Tagged by: @summertime-children

Tagging: @astrologista, @atsushishelteredinmoonlitjasmine, @benditlikegumby, @cryptoriawebb, @ibmiller, @iceperialprincess, and @otherwise-uncolonized

Challenge: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous.

I'll also do what deta did and post comments + short fragments. (Be warned it'll be very long though, and most of these are actually Pokémon fics since I was a much more prolific writer when I was younger, and that was the fandom I wrote mainly for.) I also won't be including "Heroes and Thieves" on here (or any DC/superhero stuff really since I’ve essentially “done” everything I had planned for now), as *technically* it is all already completed in draft form, and I'd like to keep things a surprise for whenever I do end up posting~

Hero and Seek

“Well, we’re all together now, so let’s have some fun, all right? Don’t worry, it’s really simple. One person is the ‘demon’, and the others have to hide from him.” “Eh? A ‘demon’? But that’s scary!” Three pairs of eyes turned up to her in fear. Those eyes, which screamed and streamed the stark color of blood the first time she saw them – not just from tears, but from the ‘monster’ they believed dwelled deep within. She thought for a moment, then removed her scarf. “How about this then? Whoever’s the ‘hero’ has to find and rescue the others. It’s a very important Blindfold Brigade mission!”

I’ll start with the one Kagepro fic I did attempt at least, which I described previously here, but is basically about Ayano + the Meka Trio playing “Hide and Seek” for the first time. (I actually had it originally titled as that but just came up with this new version on the spot lol I’m so clever~) For some reason I’ve always been hesitant about reading/writing Kagefic, but I actually got a fair bit farther in this than I thought, so perhaps I should try to finish it someday... Princes and Frogs

“K-Koizumi-senpai… Um… Please go out with me!” Itsuki stared down at the tiny underclassman, watching a rose mantle spread slowly over her cheeks as she gazed back with shy, but determined hope in her bespectacled eyes. The older boy could make out his own handsome face reflected off the lens, a virtual image embellished by sparkling hearts and stars. With dim satisfaction and relief, Itsuki ensured that his bright, patient smile betrayed no hint of the weary sigh that whispered behind it.

This is an intro excerpt of the first chapter I planned to write for an ItsuHaru fic from The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, which I only ever posted the prologue for. ItsuHaru was my first obsessive OTP, and I still think about returning to this story someday (especially since I have now proven to myself I *can* finish a full chapter fic if I put my mind to it), but it’s been so long I feel like I’d need to refresh my memory of the whole series/am still holding out hope for a Season 3 to motivate me again. *shot*

Fall to Pieces

As Itsuki stared at Yuki’s vacant visage, his resentment kept building. His hands clenched, rigidly gripping the edge of the table. Somehow, it just didn’t seem fair. That she could so easily ignore the madness fate had dealt them, never reveal any signs of suffering or bitterness towards her situation, and yet always, always wear the same damn expression on her face. How could she possibly stand it? He can’t stand it. (any more)

An ItsuYuki one-shot, where Itsuki basically blows up at her from pent-up frustration over having to wear a mask all the time and his hidden feelings for Haruhi. The two start to form a connection over their respective “unrequited loves”/understanding of each other’s pain, and one thing leads to another... Like “Heroes and Thieves”, this is in fact technically “complete”, since I actually used the leftover steam from the former towards finishing at least one thing I started a long time ago - although I’m still not sure I’m totally satisfied with it/kinda want to wait to figure out what I’m doing with my other ItsuHaru fics before I publish it by itself. (Incidentally the working title comes from an Avril Lavigne song lol.)

Little White Lies

“Perhaps the best thing for the princess would have been to fall in love. But how a princess who had no gravity could fall into anything is a difficulty--perhaps the difficulty.” -George MacDonald, The Light Princess - Haruhi Suzumiya was walking on air. Itsuki could tell by the way she glided into the clubroom, sailing like a paper airplane – or a balloon with an inflated ego to match.

...Yeah that’s as far as I got with this. This was meant to be a “White Day” story, which is Japan’s “answer holiday” to Valentine’s Day, where guys reciprocate by giving gifts to the girls who gave them chocolates. I always wondered how the boys actually responded in-universe, and I imagine Itsuki secretly stressing out a lot about taking care to not upstage Kyon, but at the same time wanting to sincerely express his genuine appreciation and feelings towards Haruhi - whatever they may be. In the end, he settles on a copy of “The Light Princess” by George MacDonald, which I highly recommend reading since it reminds me so much of this pair, and in general is such a fun and snappy “tongue-in-cheek” take on the fairytale genre. Sora in Wonderland

But wait- this one was a bit different from all its brothers and sisters. For one thing, it was wearing a fancy waistcoat with pockets- and sleeves that were far too long for it. As soon as it passed by her head, it stopped and slowly turned its head around to stare directly at her with its huge circular yellow eyes. Sora stared vacantly back for a full five seconds before the information registered in her brain and she suddenly yelled, “Hey!”, and sat bolt upright. The Heartless panicked upon hearing her voice and fled at top speed across the white sands, headed towards an opening in the rocks; Sora jumped down off her perch and immediately chased after it, no longer caring about the heat. The Heartless hastily disappeared inside the cave, and Sora soon followed after, determined to catch the freaky little thing and ask it some questions, like what it was doing on the island at this time, and where on earth did it get a waistcoat.

OKAY SO I TOTALLY FORGOT THIS WAS A THING but apparently I tried to write a Kingdom Hearts parody of “Alice in Wonderland” lmao. I’ve never actually played the games (aside from half of CoM), but it was probably inspired by a crossover art my friend drew? ^^; Also Sora is a girl in this bc that’s my headcanon and I’m sticking to it. XP *shot* Note: The following fics are all Pokémon-related so I’ll just be listing them in roughly chronological order (from most recent to ancient, although they’re all pretty old at this point). Stranger

The elder slowly rose to his feet, gazing at the boy, the champion, the stranger. “In all this time, why didn’t you come back? You could have seen for yourself how she was.” Lance wanted to yell something defiant, like a child. But he wasn’t a child. Children were forgiven for their mistakes. And he didn’t want to be forgiven. The professor’s ancient hand came to rest on the boy’s shoulder. “It’s the way this town works. We don’t talk about things that happen outside our own world. Maybe it was too long ago – too late for you to understand.” Lance didn’t say anything. “At least talk to Delia. She’s been wanting to see you.” “Sorry. It’s too late.” “You’re a bastard.” “I know.”

So this looks to be among the last things I’d written before taking a long break from fanfiction circa... 2007, jeeze. Over 10 years, huh. But, I think it speaks a certain amount of maturity that it’s the piece I liked most upon rediscovering. It’s based on an idea I once had that Lance was (unknowingly) Gary Oak’s father, and he was friends/rivals with Ash’s father, who originally won the title of Champion but relinquished it so he could be with his “wife” and kid (or rather, then-pregnant teenage girlfriend). *Something* happened though (I forget what I had in mind) and he ended up dying, leaving Lance bitter and depressed so he refused to return to Pallet Town because of too many painful memories. (Though he *cough* “comforted” their other female childhood friend for one night of drunken grief before he left. ;() What I like most about it honestly is the parallels bw Lance’s relationship with Ash’s dad and their sons’, and that amidst all the angst I enjoyed portraying the earnest energy and optimism of Ketchum(?) senior (”like father like son” after all). I was definitely inspired by Mitsuki’s father in Full Moon wo Sagashite/Maes Hughes from Fullmetal Alchemist by making him a total “dork dad” who’d brag about his (illegitimate) family on national TV during the championship tournament lol.

Ihavenoidea

Either way, I get the feeling this really wasn’t what I had in mind when I made my decision to quit training. I mean that in an intuitive sort of way. Like, sometimes I feel as if I’m not meant to be here, like my life should have ended up differently someplace else. Perhaps this is just one of those weird inconsistencies I told you about. Perhaps not. Even after all that’s happened to me recently, I still can’t really be sure about it.

...No seriously, I have no idea where I was going with this. As far as I can tell it’s written from the POV of Gary Oak, whom I’ve always had a lot of... “complicated” feelings towards. It probably has something to do with another concept I’ll discuss next, although for some reason it sounds like I was going for some sort of AU? *shrug* By contrast to the above, it reads like a whiny teenager complaining about his life - which makes me cringe but is probably an accurate portrayal of who I was at the time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ This one was actually dated a little after the previous, so my best guess is it was some kind of vent rant where I would “give up” writing/creating and “childish” ideals for a while, as I was wont to do - but I still always come back to it somehow... RainbowMolly

Molly stepped out from the car and onto the dusty road, her heart beating wildly. She could hardly believe she was actually here, of all places. The ride had been long and mind-numbing with anticipation, and now that they’d finally arrived at the destination, it all felt somewhat surreal to her. A small bear clambered out from the vehicle, joining her as she stopped to take in the rustic view that met her bright blue eyes. She smiled and picked up her Teddiursa, cuddling its warm, fuzzy body close to her own. Her gaze traveled down the road which stretched in both directions, houses lining up against its margins. She followed it with her eyes towards a hill in the distance, on top of which sat what looked like a quaint little farmhouse with a windmill, turning in the summer breeze. She breathed in the country air, catching whiff of a faint salt smell from an ocean in the distance. So this was Pallet Town.

...Why I didn’t actually name the file “Chasing Rainbows” - which was the title I had planned for this - I don’t know. This dates back to an old idea I had where I believed Molly Hale from the third Pokémon movie was secretly the true “God” of the Pokémon world - in the sense that the entire universe was an unknowing fantasy of her own creation, similar to Haruhi Suzumiya (ok fine this was totally a crossover/rip-off of the same concept so sue me OTL). In a place where children never seem to grow up and can go on grand fantastical adventures forever, Gary always struck me as an anomaly who willingly *chose* to forego such a life to pursue more “adult” interests by becoming a researcher. So I saw him as filling the role of “Kyon” - the cynical narrator who was destined to ground “God” and bring her back down to earth, but at the same time be won over by her innocence and charm and learn to appreciate “kids’ stuff” again. However, the Legendaries were actually aware of the power Molly holds, and so saw Gary as a threat to their very being - as by “waking” the dreamer and having her face reality meant erasing their kinds’ entire existence. As the “apocalypse” nearly occurred in the third film, Mew and Celebi took on human disguises (in the form of May and Max respectively) to investigate Ash, who was able to calm Molly and “save” the world by “perpetuating” the delusion (and whom Molly totally has a crush on btw *shot*). So it’s a bit of a love triangle lol, with Mew and Celebi (*cough* an alien and a time traveler, get it? *shot*) acting as mediators/interference. (Although Mew might’ve secretly shipped Gary and Molly herself. ;O)

Betrayal

And these blades, these damned scythes that attached themselves to my arms when I was born, a curse upon me since birth, though it had not been apparent up until now. They were covered with blood, the vital crimson liquid that flows through our bodies, now dripping down the steel surface in a webbed pattern, drops beginning to splatter the pure, emerald grass below. The arm felt heavy and weak as I tried to lift it, as if it did not belong to me, but that was only a wishful thought. I gazed calmly at it, inspecting the intricate designs the flow of the substance had created, as if it were an abstract piece of artwork. Tentatively, a pink tongue rolled out and caught a small droplet of it just before it fell from the sharp edge, just to convince myself that it was real. The semi-sweet, metallic taste confirmed this. I had indeed taken these men’s lives, just as I had taken hers.

So I remember this was written from the POV of a Scyther who seemingly went on a murderous rampage. I only know that I wanted to give him an “Edward Scissorhands”-like story, since the idea of having such sharp objects attached to one’s limbs so that one could never directly “touch” another without being a danger is pretty tragic. I suspect “her” was someone (a human?) he cared about but killed by accident, and after that he was only seen as a symbol of power/treated as a tool to incite fear before eventually rebelling against his “master”... Roses

“If you love someone, you should give them something that’s yours. That shows how much you care for them.” In the darkness, I pictured his smiling face, explaining to me as he wrapped a present for his girlfriend. His blue eyes were shining with a sort of spirit unfamiliar to me; I guessed, a feeling of love.

Another “dark” take on a Pokémon’s biology (I really liked writing explorations of those back then lol), this time of Roselia. The idea was that a Roselia was so in love with her trainer that she would do anything for him - including allow him to cut off her arms so he could give them to his girlfriend. I actually ended up turning it into a poem at one point:

Love is like a rose they say, And affection leads to grief they warned. For in the end love betrays, Its Beauty maimed by a poisoned thorn. You gave me pure water with a smile. Your cheerful face became my sun. I offered up my blood to you, And in return demanded none. Chop off my wrists, and tie them together. I’ll gladly bleed myself to death. In order to give you that which I hold most dear. My dear, my dear, Won’t you accept this bouquet? You take it, smiling warily. A blush creeps onto your face. And in those eyes I can see A garden of roses stretched out, Composing a wondrous place. Then you bound my hands in lace, And brought them to the girl next door. You presented them to her with grace. … My blood continued to pour.

Fanfic

She smiled at me, although something about her expression indicated something wasn't quite right. I watched as she glanced over towards the west, her gaze lingering momentarily on the setting sun. The glowing, orange sphere was slowly sinking behind the distant mountains, peaks cloaked in a pale, lavender haze illuminated by flickering beams of gold and scarlet cast across the horizon.

More accurately, I found this buried in a “catch-all” file where I had several (mostly finished) fics saved. This was meant to be from the POV of an Eevee who had just evolved - supposedly into an Espeon due to happiness and bond with her trainer, which is what both wanted. However, since it took place at sunset, she didn’t realize she had become an Umbreon instead, and her trainer ended up abandoning her for it. ;( It was a warm

Children’s shrieks and laughter echoed across the park as they flocked towards each other, and soon were chasing one another round the playground, weaving in and out between the swings as they partook in an innocent game of Tag. One child was It; she was trying desperately to catch one of her friends so that they would take over the job instead. Then it would be her turn to run away, for none of them wished to play the loathsome role of It. Or was it because they feared being tainted by the person’s touch? It must have been one of the two, for while she would struggle to reach them, catch hold of them, they would only flee, thoroughly enjoying the fact that they were vexing her. Twice she nearly caught one. Her fingertips were almost within reach of one of the other girls’ dresses, whose russet tresses were flowing wildly from the rush of movement and shining with golden highlights as the rays of the sun struck individual strands. The target shrieked and shook her head, whisking her skirt free in time to escape capture, laughing with glee at the sight of the girl left behind, miserable and alone.

Yeah I totally just went with the default beginning of the first sentence lol. I guess this comes full circle with the first Kagepro fic I mentioned (although I’m not even sure I was aware back then that the Japanese version of the game literally called “It” a “demon”, which is even more fitting). I believe this was part of a Pokémon series I was writing involving a creepy little girl and Mewtwo who would bring about the end of the world or something like that, but generally I guess I was just going for a “Catcher in the Rye” feel. *shrug* Golden Lights

The pale, rosy fingers of dawn were filtering in through the Granite Cave entrance, basking a small area near the opening in pinkish illumination. Just out of reach of its expanse sat little Mika, huddled in the gloom of the shadows, watching the light creep steadily towards her as the glowing ball of fire rose slowly towards the East. She knew about the Light that came from Outside. There were plenty other small apertures broken into the cavern walls and ceiling that allowed some thin streams of gold brilliance to trickle through. She had always done well to avoid them. The brightness was like poison to her skin. But they weren’t the Lights she’d had described to her by the old Crobat that always resided now deeper within the underground chambers, dozing now, most likely. He wouldn’t awaken until night came round, and she did not wish to rouse him and perhaps disturb him from a pleasant dream. She was very wise about things like that, being the young child that she was. Still, she would have liked to hear a story to comfort her just then.

Last one I could find, about a Sableye who, like Icarus, literally “flew too close to the sun”. In this interpretation I imagined that Sableye were creatures who could not stand sunlight at all, as it would cause their skin to burn. But Mika (pronounced like “Mica”) always dreamed of going outside to see the “Light” anyway. She was eventually tempted by Mew to leave the cavern under her angelic PROTECTion and step into the Light, who was acting as Ho-Oh’s messenger to “recruit” souls to “live eternal as an element of Ho-Oh’s Guarding Flame“, as the PROTECT faded and a “holy fire” began to spread. I guess I was going for a Biblical/”Rapture”-esque reference. (...Man I sure was obsessed with the endtimes as a kid. *shot*)

#Kagerou Project #Tateyama Ayano #Mekakushi Trio #Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu #ItsuHaru #ItsuYuki #Pokemon #Gary Oak #Molly Hale #fanfiction #starstories #astrologista #atsushishelteredinmoonlitjasmine #benditlikegumby #cryptoriawebb #ibmiller #iceperialprincess #otherwise uncolonized

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sapphiretrams · 5 years

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Get to Know Me Tag

I was kind of tagged by @intricately-silly? Like, I have a notification that I was mentioned??? Idk, but thanks if you did!

Rules: Post a pic of your simself with your traits and answer the questions!

Traits: creative + good + music lover

1. What is your full name? Riley, and that’s all I’m gonna say

2. What is your nickname? I kinda gave myself the nickname RPS? You can also call me Trams cause of my url, I don’t mind.

3. When is your birthday? September 5

4. What is your favorite book series? Favorite book series... probably Harry Potter. I’m not obsessed with it (cause J.K. is kinda not a good person) but it’s one of the few series I remember reading.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? Sure. I’m not a hardcore believer, and when I watch Buzzfeed Unsolved Supernatural, I’m DEFINITELY a Shaniac, but I’m definitely not closed to the idea.

6. Who is your favorite author? Probably Charles Dickens or Shakespeare. I’m a sucker for that classic literature stuff.

7. What is your favorite radio station? Eh, I don’t really listen to the radio.

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Lemon! It’s just SO good in all candy flavors, and I love it so much.

9. What word do you often use to describe something great or wonderful? Rad, awesome, cool, the usuals and occasionally terms that are super dated like tubular.

10. What is your favorite song currently? God that’s hard cause I love music so much... maybe Planetary (GO!) or Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na) by MCR.

11. What is your favorite word? Petrichor

12. What is the last song you listened to? The Cage by Genesis

13. What TV show would you recommend everyone to watch? Forensic Files, it’s fascinating to me

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? I haven’t been one to watch movies when down so I don’t really have one

15. Do you play video games? Yep! I’ve been playing them a lot

16. What is your biggest fear? Being abandoned. It’s happened to me so often by friends that it’s just sort of become common place and I’m terrified of it.

17. What is your best quality in your opinion? My optimism!

18. What is your worst quality in your opinion? My inability to talk alshdafsdf I’m such a klutz at speaking

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs, though I do love cats.

20. What is your favorite season? Spring! Everything is turning green and flowering and it’s so refreshing to feel the rain on your face!

21. Are you in a relationship? Nope, I am tragically single

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? Having my parents read stories to me and my brothers, it was such a fun time in my childhood.

23. Who is your best friend? My friend Elli, a super cool nb person who’s been my friend for around 2 years now.

24. What is your eye color? Hazel

25. What is your hair color? Dark brown, though it’s been bleached and I would love to have green hair again.

26. Who is someone you love? Myself 💕

27. Who is someone you trust? My mom. She’s on my side no matter what, and she’s the first family member I told about my sexual and gender identity.

28. Who is someone you think about often? My ocs

29. Are you currently excited about something? Not really, I’m just kinda drifting atm

30. What is your biggest obsession? The Adventure Zone. It is SO. GOOD. I love the McElroys, and they mean a lot to me.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? The 1994 Spider-Man series. That SM has always been my favorite and he always will be.

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to? What’s a gender?

33. Are you superstitious? Sorta I guess

34. Do you have an unusual phobias? I HATE arteries and tendons. HATE HATE HATE them. They freak me out and I have to cover them up when I start getting freaked out by them. I’ve had this fear since I was a child.

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? Both baby!

36. What is your favorite hobby? Drawing!!!

37. What is the last book you read? Pieces of Happiness by Anne Ostby

38. What was the last movie you watched? Thor: Ragnorak

39. What musical instruments do you play? Violin, a little guitar, some piano?

40. What is your favorite animal? It’s hard for me to pick, but my favorite since I was a baby is a tiger.

41. What are your top five favorite Tumblr blogs? @viper-fish @berrybloomsims @lunacysims @mellindi @sim-borg

42. What super power do you wish you had? The power to refill stuff.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? When I’m driving. There’s something about the freedom that just makes me feel so at peace, and I love feeling like I’m not restrained by anything.

44. What makes you smile? My dog. Everything about him just makes my heart swell

45. What sports do you play? I used to be a soccer champ when I was young.

46. What is your favorite drink? Diet Peach Snapple or Dr Pepper

47. When was the last time you wrote a handwritten letter or note to someone? When I was in like, 8th grade

48. Are you afraid of heights? Not really, though I was when I was younger.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? I’m a very patient person, so probably when people talk to me when I wanna be left alone tbh.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yep. Maroon 5 was the last one. I hope to go to more too.

51. Are you vegetarian or vegan? Nah

52. When you were little what did you want to be when you grew up? A wild life veterinarian. I would throw my stuffed tiger down the stairs and “rescue” her.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? The Adventure Zone: Balance world.

54. What is something you worry about? My dog since he’s getting up their in years, finding a college to go to and what I want to major in college, my bf’s safety, occasionally my parents when I’m paranoid and worried something might happen.

55. Are you scared of the dark? Nah. It’s nice. I’m more paranoid something might be in the dark, but,

56. Do you like to sing? Yes! I’m pretty decent at it, too, so I love it.

57. Have you ever skipped school? Yeah. I got really depressed when I was in high school and I stayed at home, calling in sick. Which I was, but it wasn’t entirely honest.

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? My desk, it has all my stuff on it and it’s cluttered to my liking.

59. Where would you like to live? Germany, or maybe France if I can learn the language. Maybe split the difference and move to Switzerland.

60. Do you have any pets? Just my baby boy TJ whom I adore.

61. Are you an early bird or a night owl? Night owl, though I’ve been making more of an effort to wake up early. I also get more done when I wake up early, cause it feels like I have more time to do things before noon.

62. Do you like sunrise or sunsets better? Sunsets, mostly cause I’m able to see them from my house.

63. Do you know how to drive? Yep!

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Earbuds. I have headphones, but you can’t really wear them in public cause they get in the way.

65. Have you ever had braces? No, though I did have a chin strap when I was younger cause I had (and still have) an underbite.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? My music goes all over the place, but showtunes are my jam.

67. Who is your hero? 1994 Spider-Man. I specify because he’s really different from other versions, and he’s so smart and such a klutz and I grew up with him. I’ve been playing the new Spider-Man game for PS4 and I almost started crying from how close he is to MY SM, and he just reminds me of my morals.

68. Do you read comic books? Nah

69. What makes you the most angry? Politics atm. Don’t even talk to me about them. I don’t like being angry and any talk about the current political situation is just infuriating.

70. Do you prefer to read real books or on an electric device? Either, though real books hold a special aesthetic to them.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? English. Like I said, I’m a literary nerd.

72. Do you have any siblings? Two, an older and a younger brother.

73. What was the last thing you bought? Ariana Grande’s song No Tears Left to Cry

74. How tall are you? 5′ 7″, perfectly average

75. Can you cook? Eh, I can do the basic stuff, and if I have a recipe in front of me then sure, but otherwise? Don’t ask.

76. What are three things that you love? My dog, myself, my mom.

77. What are three things that you hate? Politics, White™ people, being expected to know things I was never told about (cough cough @ my boss)

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Honestly, I have more nb friends than either

79. What is your sexual orientation? Pansexual

80. Where do you currently live? The Midwest

81. Who was the last person you texted? My mom

82. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday because I was laughing so goddamn hard

83. Who is your favorite youtuber? Game Grumps and you can fight me on that

84. Do you like to take selfies? Yep! I’m hot and I know it. I’ve hated myself for 5 years, I deserve to be infatuated with myself.

85. What is your favorite app? Monster Girl Creator. It’s so fun.

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? My mom and I are super close, but my dad and I... eh. It’s kinda damaged, though it’s better than it was when I was in high school. He doesn’t understand LGBT stuff or depression so he was just... awful.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? Probably French, but the funniest to try and do is Russian. I suck at it and it turns into Italian after a while.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to but want to visit? God I want to travel so bad. I’d love to go to Puerto Rico, France, Germany, Italy, Brazil, Vietnam... so many beautiful places.

89. What is your favorite number? Three

90. Can you juggle? Not for my life

91. Are you religious? I’ve kinda been burned out of religion cause my childhood church was really just... bad. I came out as bi to them when I was a sophomore and it caused a HUGE scene with the church. I was called ‘a slap to the face,’ people left the church, it was just bad. I’m spiritual, but not religious, though my life’s not over yet, so who knows.

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? Space. Space space space. Do you know how badly I want to go to space? I almost became an engineer just so I could go to space.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? I’m pretty tame, in all honesty, though I do some stupid shit every now and then.

94. Are you allergic to anything? Bullshit, any and every kind of body soap known to man kind, and pollen.

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yes! I can do the double fold think with your tongue where it looks like a scoop chip, you know what I mean?

96. Can you wiggle your ears? Nah

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? I come from a really stubborn household, though lately I’ve been trying to make more of an effort to be humble and just admit I’m wrong. It’s hard.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Forest. I’ve only been to the beach twice in my life so it’s not really my scene.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? Do what makes you happy

100. Are you a good liar? I’ve gotten very good at it. I’m not proud of that fact, but I’ve gotten very very good at it.

101. What is your Hogwarts house? Slyterin. No, I’m not joking.

102. Do you talk to yourself? All the time.

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? I’m an introvert, though I think I’m more of an ambivert.

104. Do you keep a journal or a diary? Nah.

105. Do you believe in second chances? Yes, but you really can’t give them out really freely. You have to judge who you want to give them to.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Check for an ID and try to contact the person it belongs to. But if there’s no ID, probably give it to the nearest business or police station.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? With most things. If they really wanted to.

108. Are you ticklish? Ye

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yeah, but not many times. My first time on a plane was 4 years ago.

110. Do you have any piercings? Just the basic earlobe pierecings, but I really really want more.

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Shiro from Voltron, aka my husband.

112. Do you have any tattoos? No but I want so many

113. What is the best decision that you have made so far? Learning to love myself. It took a lot of time, but I’m so happy I did it

114. Do you believe in karma? Not entirely, but I think there’s some truth to it.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I have bad eyes, so yeah, I wear glasses. I tried contacts, but they got irritating to put in after a while.

116. Do you want children? SO badly. I want a little girl so fucking bad

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My little brother. He wants to be a freaking accountant when he’s older.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I went to a museum one time, and they had a cool dinosaur tour or whatever, and I wanted to know what the dinosaur Parasaurolophus was called, but I forgot the name and only remebered like, Ducky from Land Before Time, and Phineas and Ferb had just started airing, so I asked the guy if a platypus was a dinosaur and that haunts me to this day

119. Have you ever pulled an all nighter? Yes. Don’t do it.

120. What color are most of your clothes? Blue cause it’s always looked good on me, but now any color looks good on me cause I know how to own it.

121. Do you like adventures? Yeah man! I love them!

122. Have you ever been on TV? Not that I know of

123. How old are you? 20

124. What is your favorite quote? “When someone leaves your life, those exits are not made equal. Some are beautiful and poetic and satisfying. Others are abrupt and unfair. But most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy.” -Griffin Mcelroy

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Sweeeets!

I tag @viper-fish @berrybloomsims and @lunacysims

#rps speaks #tagged #nonsims

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morfinwen · 5 years

Note

For the OC ask, #1, 2, 11, 12, 17, 21, 30, 44, and 50, please! Thanks in advance! :)

Whittling down the asks …

1. Your first OC ever?

I’m not sure about first ever – a few years ago i came across a notebook of stories i’d come up with but my mom had needed to write down for me that i didn’t recall ever making; not sure where that ended up – but the first i can really remember was a girl named Annie. She showed up in at least two stories, one where she turned into a cat and another where she time-traveled, i think.

2. Do you have a personal favorite among your OCs?

I have a special place for Reagan and Angie. Reagan is based more on myself than any of the others, though she is much bolder and more proactive than i am, in good and bad ways. There’s a reason i use her name as an alias in some places online.

Angie started out as, and still is in many ways, a idealized version of someone with a lot of the traits and abilities i wish i had but don’t. I’ve tried to make her more of a real person, while still having that quality that makes her someone worth looking up to and admiring.

11. Is there any OC of yours you could describe as a “sunshine”?

Not of my listed ones. Hannah Taylor, an OC i’m still developing as part of a … thing i’m working on with my sister (i’d try to describe it, if not for my crippling inability to be concise), would probably be described that way. She’s a very cheerful, friendly ten-year-old girl.

12. Name an OC that isn’t yours but whom you like a lot

Not really familiar with other people’s OCs.

17. Any OC OTPs?

I have a few OC couples – Lanzo and Amanda, Ash and Danae, Jerome and Kayla Taylor (Hannah’s parents), Connor and Jess Morgan. If we’re counting couples where only one member is an OC, then there’s Elarin and Carth, Meaghan and Atton, Leah and MacCready, and Avery and Anders.

21. Your most artistic OC

If we’re talking art as painting/drawing/digital art, i have no idea. None of them are artists in that sense, or have notable skill in that area.

More generally, probably Christopher. He’s a musician and an actor, quite good at and very enthusiastic about both.

30. Which one of your OCs would most likely have a secret stuffed animal collection?

Kira definitely has one that she doesn’t talk about with her friends/peers.

I could see Meaghan developing a small one post-events. Between her Jedi upbringing and general personality, she wouldn’t collect a lot, or rather she would periodically give a few away to others who could use them more, but she would definitely see the appeal in soft, fuzzy things.

44. Something you like about your OCs in general

In the film Inception, Ariadne mentions that designing a building sometimes feels like she’s not so much designing as discovering it. That’s been very true for me about developing my OCs. I’m not deciding Chris’ background, he’s telling me about it. Lauren already has hobbies, i just need to learn what they are. It can be a bit frustrating, because i can’t just “make something up” if i don’t know the answer, but it’s an incredibly fascinating process at the same time.

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

Christopher was inspired, somewhat indirectly, by my memories of studying Peter the Great in school. Offhand, i can tell you only a handful of things about him (Peter, that is), but i remember just being astounded by the sheer amount of energy he had, and the number of things he did. Chris is intended to be that kind of person, with so much ambition, ability, and drive that no matter what kinds of circumstances he was born into, he would achieve notoriety for something.

Angie grew up in boarding schools, and in-between every term ended up staying with a different household in her extended family. That wasn’t how it was intended to go, but the situation was complicated to begin with, and other circumstances made things worse. It gave her a ton of experiences and introduced her to all kinds of things she never would have otherwise, but that’s certainly part of the reason she feels so disconnected from the rest of the world - she never really found somewhere that she absolutely, unquestionably belonged.

I probably know more about Amanda’s family than the family of anyone else in the H&E ‘verse at this point in time. Her parents are named, which puts her ahead of … everyone except Ash, really. She has two younger siblings with established careers and significant others. About the only family members i don’t know about are her step-siblings, and she doesn’t really know much about them, either.

Avery is the first of my video game characters to feel like i was developing her as i played. What i really like and find most interesting about her is she is definitely one of my more flawed characters. While she almost always makes what would be considered the most moral decision, it is undeniable that Avery has a giant blindspot when it comes to her family. Avery’s opposition to the treatment of mages is based on her love and admiration for her father, and love and protectiveness towards Bethany and Anders, not facts or careful consideration. She isn’t a villain, and likely never will be, but the potential for it is much clearer in her than in most of my other characters.

Thanks for asking!

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kevunazo · 2 years

Text

Am I not enough?

Finding a partner shouldn't be too hard right? Part of being a human is that you eventually, find a partner with whom you will share your genes to reproduce a tiny version of both. Millions do it every year, possibly even every day. (Tried finding some accurate scientific result, but the closest thing I found was a Quora answer saying at any moment there are 1 million people having sex around the whole world, which still helps my point so I’ll take it) I see people with little to no education or financial support finding their own version of love, having kids and a family. Struggle is sure to follow but they have found a partner nonetheless. When I was younger I used to think that finding a girlfriend would be mathematically impossible. What are the odds that from all the girls I know, the one I like (either by choice or chance, probably both, idk) happens to coincidentally be also someone who likes me too. Really, like what are the odds of that? Then later I realize that it isn't a matter of choice, but rather action I can take. However, as my early twenties pass by without that significant other, I wonder if my younger self was onto something. I feel like what I struggle the most is the realization that I'm living my younger years. The years where I'm supposed to go on crazy adventures and fall madly in love of the wrong person, which will make me grow and in turn improve my later, more mature, relationships. But I'm still here, sitting in my room alone at 1 am typing away on my phone. It's not crazy to understand how being in this position for this long can play mind tricks on you. I can't stop but think that I'm simply not enough. Like I could be doing something different to change and improve onto a version that someone else is going to like. I know it sounds stupid, but for the longest time I've tried the opposite approach, where I convince myself I'm already awesome, and the other person just has to see it. And we all know how that turned out. I get filled with petty anger and subconscious resentment when I see how easy it can be for others to find that special someone. I'm not even talking about "the one", but even just someone who is openly and lovingly sharing affection and intimacy. These days even just the validation feels like fresh water for a man who crossing a hot ass desert. Isn't love what's most valuable? It makes sense that it would be hard to come by, but it sure doesn't seem that way for so many. It's not right to feel this way, i know, and I always try to rationalize so that it doesn't take a toll on me, but damn does it still hurt. I'm not supposed to settle for less that great either, right? And of course those amazing women are always not single. I wish finding love wouldn't require me to spend hours and dollars on dating apps, only to be treated as a low tier bot who just has the potential to provide some validation. Today I learned apparently it's not uncommon for girls to use dating apps exclusively to get validation, never for dates. I wish finding love wouldn't require me to read self help books to turn me into the "best version" of my self. Or is it that any other version of me is not deserving of love? I wished finding love wouldn't require me to push my skills to talk to strangers in every public event. Like I'm going to charm any girl with my awkwardness, right. I wished I didn't have to feel pressured to go out every weekend because how else am I going to meet this special someone? Dating apps are the alternative and remember what we say to daring apps: fuck that shit. I wished I wasn't so comfortable being single, which I have always considered a blessing all my life, but currently feeling more like a curse that won't let leave myself. But then again, it's probably a natural coping mechanism generated from my years of singleness. Finally, I wished someone could just see it. See me and find me as captivating and loving as I see myself. I wish it wasn't as hard for lust to be reciprocated. But to be fair, I'm not out there all the time to push my desires to be heard. I have so much to give and no one to give it to. The yard has been ready for a picnic for so long that I'm considering if it's even worth mowing the lawn when no one is going to use it. This pitiful write up is the honest truth of my heart. I will probably still wake up the next day and continue working on myself, improving my social skills, expanding my knowledge and culture. All in the hopes to be able to connect to others at the a deep level and connect those around me with each other. Why else am I here for? Pity aside, I've actually been good at convincing myself that I'm ok if I don't find anyone to share this love with, but every now and then I feel a burning need to write it up to remind myself that I'm not ok with it, and that's just fine.

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trollhunter-nomura · 6 years

Text

a worthy challenge

Sorry for the delay, been busy with work and other real life commitments. (Reposting, clean version) thanks to @torilynn4893 for beta-ing

....

"Ah, Draal. Meet the next trollhunter." Blinky said with a nervous smile, gesturing to Nomura."

The fury from the younger troll was palpable.

"Bushigal!" Draal spat thru grit teeth. "You cannot be the troll Hunter. You are not a troll!"

Nomura put on a friendly smile and held out her hand. "Yes. I understand that I am the first human to be your trollhunter. My name is Nomura."

Draal sneered at her gesture. "And just how did YOU get ahold of the amulet? That was supposed to go to me upon my father's death!"

Nomura shrugged putting her hand down.

"I was walking to work and I heard it's say my name. So, curious, I picked it up. Apparently that's how this thing works." She gestured to the amulet on her chest.

Draal did not seem very satisfied with her story.

"I witnessed it myself Draal," Blinky said stepping forward. "Though I did not hear it say her name, it appeared to have called for her and she obviously, given her current attire, answered."

"And I say she is not worthy of that honor." Draal growled.

Nomura clasped her hands and smiled at the burley troll.

"Well, as far as I understand it, I don't think there is anything that can change that. Now I do apologize but I've had quite an exciting night so far. Especially considering I had to run for my life from a rather scary evil troll not even an hour ago. Blinky here was just giving me a tour of your lovely Trollmarket. And I'm quite interested in seeing more." Nomura gave a pleasant smile turning towards towards the six eyed troll.

"Ah, yes!" Blinky said gesturing towards the doorway, smiling. "Let's continue, Master Nomura. Lets me show you my library. Draal, I'm sure the trollhunter can answer any questions you may have at a later time"

...

A little while later, Nomura was sitting in a private corner reading, or trying to, one of the books from Blinky'ss library. She couldn't really read the language as, even though she could speak trollish, she never figured out how to read it. But the images at least were very informative.

Blinky seemed to take great affection towards his books; mentioning that they really used to belong to his elder brother, whom Blinky spoke about affectionately. Apparently many of the books were actually penned by said brother, Dictatious Maximus. The book in her possession however, was written by the Venerable Benhilde; titled 'A Brief Recapitulation of Troll Lore, volume one (of forty-seven). Whoever Benhilde was, they need to learn the definition of brief.

Her moment of reprieve was soon interrupted however, when an imposing form approached her.

"What game are you playing here?" Draal demanded.

Nomura looked up from her book and around the room.

"I don't think I'm playing any games. I'm actually just trying to read this book." She replied innocently.

Draal sneered at her.

"You know full well what I mean, IMPURE."

Nomura pursed her lips. She wondered how long it would be till he used that one. She forced herself to smile.

"Yes, and as I said, I'm not playing any games."

"Then why do you have that amulet?" He gestured to the amulet sitting on the table next to the book.

Draal growled. "And what's to stop me from taking that from you right now?"

Nomura chuckled and rested her chin on her hands. She gave him a knowing smirk.

"I believe the only way you can take this from me, is upon my death. And I don't think Merlin would take kindly to a murderer as the next trollhunter."

Draal grinded his teeth. "Then what's to stop me from ousting you right now to Vendel? I don't think troll Market would take kindly to an impure as the trollhunter."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "If you had wanted to out me, you would have done it in the Forge. What's stopping you is the same reason why I am currently still sitting here, and not handing it over to Bular. You are curious as to why I was chosen."

Draal was not happy with how things currently were between them. She was right in certain aspects. He couldn't just outright take the amulet from her, and if he were to try to out her to Vendel he would come off like one of Blinky's many conspiracies, jealous over Merlin's choice. He suddenly got an idea.

"How about a little wager, Nomura?"

She quirked an eyebrow at him using her name. "I'm listening."

"How about a little sparring match? Just like old times." He gave a cocky grin.

"Okay. And what are the stakes?"

"If I win, you reveal yourself as a changeling to the whole of Troll Market, And a relinquish the amulet."

She folded her arms on the table, nodding. "Alright. And if I win, you keep my secrets. No one will know that I'm a changeling."

"Deal." The big blue troll knodded, and started towards the door. Before exiting he turned back to Nomura and gave a big toothy grin.

"You do realize that you have to fight me in your human form. That is unless you want to reveal your true identity early?" He gave a laugh and left the room.

His last remark wiped any smile off of her face as she watched his retreating form, scowling.

...

A couple of hours later, she was back in the Forge, Blinky showing her different things the place could do. It was very interesting to say the least. It was then that Draal issued his spar request formaly. Blinky tried to insist that she had only been the trollhunter for a mere few hours, but Vendel cut him off, calling from a higher platform that he was curious to see how the trollhunter worked under pressure. Blinky sighed in defeat and apologized to Nomura. She gave a friendly smile.

"It's ok Blinky. Besides, I'm not one to back down from a challenge." She pulled the amulet out of her pocket, and recited the oath. "For the glory of Merlin, Daylight is mine to command."

And in a flash of blue white light and an elegant twirl, she was adorned with the armor. The sword of Daylight followed suit which she hooked to her hip. Draal approached her cracking his neck.

Nomura got into a defensive position as Draal came at her in a rolling ball. She dodged it narrowly avoiding getting hit by the spiky rolling troll. He came at her again after rolling against the wall to change directions.

"Surely you have more than just this one trick, don't you?" She retorted as she got ready to dodge him a third time.

But before she had the chance, he came out of the role and took a swing at her. She ducked just in the nick of time and tucked in rolled to get out of his reach. She stayed in a crouching position, fighting the urge to transform as she felt her eyes burn. She was just out of his line of sight crouched behind his looming back, hidden in his blind spot. She slowly rose reaching for Daylight ready to end this little spat. However, before she could draw it Draal spun around slamming his fist into her chest sending her flying.

She landed fairly hard on the ground and didn't move after the impact of her head to the ground. She appeared unconscious. Draal chuckled to himself as he walked over to her still form and looked down upon her.

"Looks like I win, imp-" his voice cut out in a screech as an armored boot up to a point between his legs. He doubled over bracing one fist to the ground, the other one going straight to where she kicks. He was completely breathless.

With him being doubled over, that put his face in on opportune position. She reached up and hooked a finger through his nose hoop, and tugged.

"Unless you want to lose your nose, I'd forfeit." She gave a devious smile. Draal huffed and held up his hand in consent and she released him, letting out the breath she was holding.

"One day, you will fall in battle. And when that day comes, I will be the trollhunter. I can wait." He growled, storming off.

Vendel didn't say anything as he walked off, and Blinky ran over to help her up, her complimenting her on her skills.

"How did you think to use his nose ring against him?" He asked as she brushed herself off.

"I used to date someone who had a similar ring. He hated it when I pulled on it." She chucked internally at her inside joke, removing the armor. She looked at her watch, realizing just how late it was. "Oh wow, it's getting close to sunrise, I should head home if I want to get any sleep."

"Ah, yes. I believe Bular should have moved on by now. So you should have a safe trip to your domicile." Blinky responded. He handed her the volume she had been reading earlier, and a horngozzle. We hope to see you tomorrow night."

She nodded, heading towards the illuminated staircase. Her life definitely just got interesting.

#trollhunter nomura #trollhunters #fic

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tastethegrace · 3 years

Text

Analyzing “Montero (Call Me By Your Name)”

I don’t often post things as they’re having their cultural moment. However, this song by Lil Nas X, a rap/hip hop/pop artist, who is famous for his song “Old Town Road” a few years ago, has caused quite the stir. On one side of the fence is the LGBTQ+ community, who touts this song as an anthem to the artist’s sexual identity. On the other are the Christians, many of whom have posted warnings on social media, urging fellow believers to “wake up,” guard their children, and many calling down the name of Jesus against the Satanic imagery associated with it. The music video for this song sees the artist depicted as Eve in the garden of Eden, being seduced by the serpent. He is then on trial, then descends into hell, where he himself seduces the Devil. The artist has also partnered with street wear brand MSCHF to produced what many are calling “Satan shoes.” These shoes apparently have contain one drop of human blood in the soul, have a black and red color scheme with pentagrams painted on the soul and attached to the laces.

So first off, the reason I’m writing this post is to critique the Christian reaction to this song and its associated media. It’s important to understand this right off the bat, as I will not be analyzing this song on its artistic merits. Instead, I will attempt to analyze the artist’s intent behind the imagery and symbolism he chooses to use.

If there’s one thing that I have grown to understand, it’s that the American Church has a fundamental misunderstanding of how believers are to interact with culture. We have been stuck in the same culture war for decades, with this idea that we must enforce our beliefs on others, affect change through politics and protests, and fear all that is antithetical to the Christian belief system. This latter point is the most significant, and one that many of my Christian friends may dispute.

Let me explain here. In the age of social media, everyone judges and reacts quickly, posting their affirmations and protests for everyone to see without putting much thought into what they’re actually critiquing. Sadly, the American Church, most of the time, has followed suit. Rather than choosing a different way to interact with the world on social media, it has become a leading reactionary voice -- a more intense version of what already exists in the mainstream. It has so become the case that the world looks on and mocks.

As a younger Christian, I went with the flow, just as everyone else did. But as a I grew up, and especially in college, I learned the importance of questioning, of slowing down, of considering the ins and outs, the truths and lies present in our everyday world. I believe this process gives insight into the presence of God in our everyday lives, presenting us with his truth and beauty, present even in the darkest of places. It also gives us the ability to, like Jesus, call something what it actually is, diminishing its power, and responding to it with the importance/weight it deserves.

Now understanding this context and the process by which I will move forward, let’s talk about this song. First of all, the lyrics explicitly discuss the artist’s encounters with one specific person, a male in this context. There’s a couple of levels to this song. The first, that many in the LGBTQ+ community point out, is that he says that his partner “lives in the dark,” while he himself “cannot pretend.” This refers to the fact that his partner is a closeted gay man, while Lil Nas is out. As for the rest of the lyrics here, Lil Nas discusses his attachment to this man and the sexual experiences he has and wants to have with him. He mentions the use of drugs to illustrate a hellish environment. On a deeper level, evidenced even more clearly in the music video, Lil Nas is using this situation as a metaphor to reach out to his former, closeted self.

In the interest of digging for the truth, I would go one step further here. While it is obvious that the artist wishes to affirm his former self and encourage a lifestyle that is honest, at the very least, he also confesses what he wants very clearly. All of the explicit imagery here is true to his experience. So what does he want? He wants deep connection, intimate experiences, and he’s ultimately willing to go to “hell” to get it, even if his partner won’t come out.

Why is it important to understand this? Am I trying to affirm how Lil Nas gets what he wants? No, but that’s also not the point. Understanding the artist’s questions are just as important as understanding his answers; in my opinion, even more so. In order to make any sort of true judgment of merit or integrity, either subjective or objective, it’s important to understand fully how the artist is coming to his conclusions.

Moving on to the music video, I’m going to use an analysis posted by reddit user margarita_atwood, as she discusses much of I what I found myself.

Everyone is going to have an opinion on this video, whether that opinion is heavily in favor or disfavor...Later, I’ll talk about why the negative opinions about this video don’t really matter and actually play right into LNX’s plans.

Lil Nas as every character: Through the miracle of CGI, LNX plays every single character. Some people might interpret this as LNX making love to himself in some scenes, but I think it has more to do with the Jungian concept of the Shadow Self (explained some in this video). There’s definitely some interesting psychology behind LNX playing all the parts. He’s talking to himself, seducing himself, running from himself. And I don’t think it would have had the same impact if the main characters were played by anyone else. He’s definitely being a little narcissistic, which he winks at with his own face on a Narcissus flower (daffodil) that I’ll get to next...He also says in the intro: “Welcome to Montero”, which is both this fantasy land he is creating for us in the video, and introducing us to his real self, saying welcome to the real me.

Scene 1- Garden of Eden: In the first scene. We’ve got the temptation of Adam by the snake/Satan in the Garden of Eden story mixed with Greek classical architecture motifs (sans Eve, as LNX raps “If Eve ain’t in your garden/ You know that you can/ Call me when you want”). In the reaction video I mentioned earlier, LNX talks about how growing up gay in a black church (or any church for that matter) made him repress and feel ashamed about his budding sexuality as a young adult. So while the lyrics are explicit, all of the themes in the video are very pointed allegories about how he’s dealt with his sexuality. He runs away from his tempting snake-self, meanwhile running past a Lion King-esque Mufasa cloud featuring his fate/destiny, and Narcissus flowers AKA daffodils (in the Greek myth, daffodils grew where Narcissus drowned after staring at his own reflection for too long), only to be caught by his temptation in a scene that gives me a ton of Labyrinth vibes. After his literal fall with possible Paradise Lost references to this perceived “sin,” we nearly see his alien-snake-self fellate his Adam-self. Finally, we close in on a shot of Greek writing on a tree. Some people smarter than I were able to find out that this is an excerpt from Plato’s Symposium which reads: “So in the beginning when they were cut in two, they yearned for each other’s half.” Symposium is basically a bunch of Greek philosophers telling metaphorical campfire stories about love (let’s ignore once again problematic themes of statutory rape in some of this). The excerpt in the video in particular is a part where one of Plato’s students Aristophanes gives an account of the origin of soulmates. Originally people were joined as two people to make one whole person. In this story, there were male/male, female/female, and female/male pairings and the gods became jealous and split them in two. The Montero excerpt is explaining this splitting of soul mates where they’re doomed to long for their other halves to become whole for eternity. Lots of allegories there regarding LNX trying to seduce a possibly gay man who is still in the closet.

Scene 2- The gladiator’s Colosseum: LNX then is taken as a prisoner in chains to a Greek colosseum, also full of LNX judges in Marie Antoinette wigs and faceless LNX mob spectators. I believe his character in this scene is supposed to be a Ulysses-type as his pink, fur shawl he’s wearing has a ram’s head broach...the blue LNX jury sentences him to...jail, and he gets literally stoned to death... Ulysses-LNX presumably dies and his soul is being lifted up to the heavens. An angel awaits him above, with a lot of Creation of Adam motifs (which was also hinted at on LNX’s IG). But just before he reaches his guardian angel.... a stripper pole rises up from the earth...and he rides that b**** all the way to the seventh inner circle of h*** in some thigh-high boots, tricking all the way down.

Scene 3- Twerking on the devil: And now we get to the biggest scandal. LNX said to those of you who think gays deserve to go to hell, watch me go to hell and give Satan a lap dance....he’s one-upping the shock factor in each part. Think it’s scandalous to go down on myself? Just wait. There’s some trolling of Illuminati/Satanist conspiracy rumors in the motifs. Honestly, the purpose of this scene is that he knew religious types would try and metaphorically crucify him over the lyrics. So he said let me beat you to it. He’s trolling the religious hater that I’m sure made his life growing up a proverbial hell already. And hey, the more times they stream and react to the song out of anger, the more money he makes from their anger. And then he goes and pulls a mafia hit, killing Satan after seducing him, and taking his horns of braids and becoming the fallen angel...

While perhaps not stated the most eloquently, and obviously from a more approving light, the OP gives us some insight into the symbolism used in this video. On first glance, the believer might gag at how biblical imagery is used and twisted here. However, I would encourage that believer to be patient and consider for a moment a few things.

1. If we let our gut reaction to this imagery become our public reaction, we prove the artist’s perspective of believers correct in the eyes of the world.

2. If we consider the symbols and imagery used, it is obvious that this piece was intricately planned by Lil Nas to suggest his conclusions through the subversion of cultural norms. This is not a new technique by any means, and it is important to acknowledge this.

3. Remember that Lil Nas was raised in the church. His use of biblical imagery is intentional here. If you detect a hint of bitterness in the twists he uses, that’s because there is, and not without reason.

See, I think that if Jesus looked at this video and gave us his reaction, it would not be a warning to us to guard our hearts. That’s common sense. I think it would be sadness that Lil Nas has not experienced the true intimacy and connection that he so desires in a healthy context, but also that he would be so bitter as to use the imagery as a “F*** You!” to the church. Granted, this is all speculative, but when I look at Jesus in the gospels, I never see Jesus trying to separate or isolate his disciples from sinners. He sees right to the heart of why sinners sin, and urges his disciples by example and speech to have compassion. It is the the Pharisees and teachers of the law who he preaches against, urging his disciples to guard their hearts against them.

Finally, there’s the even bigger deal being made in Christian circles of the “Satan shoes.” Let me set the record straight here. This company put out “Jesus shoes” a couple of years ago that claimed to have holy water in its soles. This was a stunt by the artist for the very purpose of causing controversy. It was done out of anger. The imagery only has power if we let it be something other than what it is.

I have seen so many people decrying the use of this imagery as an act of devil worship. That’s not what this is. Is Lil Nas believing a lie? Most certainly, as all humans do every day. But this should not be shocking. We must look behind the symbols to what they’re really pointing to.

In conclusion, I felt that it was important to share my feelings on this, as the social media chatter is a prime example of how the American Church has lost its way. However, on a more personal note, I have a lot of history and connection that helps me to deeply understand what’s happening in this song. That drive for connection, that willingness to put myself in horrible places to find it, the feeling of dirtiness and the running away from it...and especially the now often used intimate metaphor “call me by your name,” referring to the book/move of that title...I’ve been there. I even embraced it for a time. So more than most, I am more inclined to have compassion on those who are in that place, even if they don’t see the fruitlessness of it. The Lord has been good to me. He was with me in that place, just as he is with me now. It is important for all who call themselves Christians to remember that before we judge, we must seek empathy and compassion, fullness of understanding, and most of all, the heart and mind of Jesus himself.

#culture #review

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iathrimchronicles · 6 years

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Fic: Hope Beyond Reason

Title: Hope Beyond Reason

Series: The Iathrim Chronicles

Author: African Daisy

Canon characters: Thranduil and Oropher

OCs: Vehiron, Rhoven, Linwë, Veassen and Nestorion

Warnings: Mention of discipline

Summary: Hope is what sustains life, but in the middle of war the King of Greenwood doesn’t know how much longer he can hold onto hope.

………………………..

It was difficult to concentrate when one was being watched. The eyes that lingered on Aran Oropher were a single shade of green darker than his, but they were identical in shape. Almond-shaped, like their father’s had been. The King of Greenwood still remembered a tiny version of himself, solemnly telling his father in the days leading up to the birth of his younger brother that he was sorry he didn’t look much like him and he hoped the new baby would. Lord Celepharn had laughed, which even now Oropher remembered clearly because it had startled him so. He recalled feeling offended that his father, of whom he had thought so much, would laugh. As far as he had been concerned, it was only right for an heir to be like his father in all ways.

Little Oropher hadn’t announced that he was upset, for that wouldn’t have been proper, but Celepharn must have known it. He had told his son to follow him in that way he’d had – commanding, firm, not to be disobeyed, yet somehow not at all frightening even for a seven year old boy – and he’d led the elfling to the tall looking-glass in the master bedroom. Oropher had been well acquainted with that mirror, for he had often watched his beautiful mother twirling in front of it in one of her lovely gowns, but that moment had belonged to him and his father. Celepharn had knelt behind him and patiently pointed out all the features they shared; the shape of their eyes, the colour of their eyes when the light touched them just so, the curve of their ears, and fine strands of hair even though Oropher’s was dark like Neldiel’s and Celepharn’s was the silver gold of the royal house.

Three thousand years later, a similar conversation had taken place between Oropher and his own little son. It had never bothered him that Thranduil at first glance looked like Felith with their shared sunshine golden hair and eyes that gleamed like starlight off a still lake. He and Felith had lost four babies before Thranduil had been given to them. Son or daughter, dark or blonde, serious or full of mischief – they hadn’t cared, as long as their child survived. And so he had, but the apparent differences between him and Oropher had upset him enough that one day he had anxiously asked his father if it was quite all right that they didn’t look the same. Oropher had loved the happiness that had bloomed in his little boy’s eyes as he had shown him all the smaller, subtle ways they were alike. He wondered if Celepharn had felt the same way. He hoped so. He had finished that lesson with Thranduil by placing his hand over the elfling’s chest, and telling him that it didn’t matter what they looked like on the outside, for on the inside their hearts were one. Thranduil had smiled at him so brightly, so lovingly, it had made his heart soar. Now it just made his heart clench when he looked back at that moment.

Now, every memory of Thranduil hurt. Saying his name hurt. Holding his pillow close in the dark of night and inhaling his sweet, wild scent of berries and brambles, that hurt too. Just thinking of him hurt, so Oropher made himself stop. Even that hurt, feeling like a betrayal to force his thoughts away from his poor son, but the alternative would bring him to tears. Letting out a breath and tiredly pushing his hand through his hair, the King looked at his brother across the pavilion. The Lord Steward of Greenwood intently returned his gaze from the cushioned bench he was sitting on. “You want to say something,” Oropher acknowledged with a sigh. “You might as well get it over with.”

Lord Vehiron smiled, his warrior braids glittering with pearls, black opals, moonstones, and silver beads. “I thought you might be interested to know how many times you have swept your hand through your hair in the last twelve minutes.”

“Does it make a difference to you if I am not?” Oropher asked.

“Six times,” Vehiron promptly informed him. “That is excessive.”

“You came into my private space uninvited. Do not then complain about the way I behave in here,” Oropher said irritably.

“Not even Cousin Luthavar touches his hair that often,” Vehiron added.

“Good for Cousin Luthavar,” Oropher retorted, raising his hands defensively. He picked up his quill and tried to return his attention to the requisition order the healers had asked him to authorise for none other than Elder Luthavar himself. He had been making good progress on his work before his younger brother had come in, but now the words swam on the page. Anger threatened to overtake mere annoyance, but then he made himself stop and think. For the briefest of moments, Vehiron had made him forget. He hadn’t been a weary warrior or a desperate father or a tired King. He had just been an elf annoyed with his little brother, and right then that was simpler than any other role he had to play. He looked up, and met the younger ellon’s beryl green eyes. “Thank you.”

Vehiron just nodded, smiling slightly. He understood. “Go. See your son.”

“Muindor,” Oropher sighed, feeling exasperated all over again. “I would spend every hour of every day with Thranduil if I thought it would make a difference, but it hasn’t and it won’t. The world hasn’t stopped turning just because he…” The words wouldn’t come. They stuck in Oropher’s throat, paining him. “I will see my son when I have time,” he finished quietly, when he had steadied himself. “At the moment, I do not. I still have to be Aran Oropher.” Even when all I want to be is Ada.

“The world hasn’t stopped turning,” Vehiron agreed quietly. “But yours has.”

Oropher looked down and organised his paperwork into a neat pile, for no reason other than he needed the distraction to hold tears at bay. He had shed enough of those over the last eleven days and fourteen hours, alone or with those few elves he trusted implicitly. Vehiron was one of them, but Oropher was tired of tears. They couldn’t save his son and so they served no purpose. He looked up again only when the papers were perfectly linear and to do anything more to them would just be excessive. “I might delegate this to you,” he said offhandedly.

“You might,” Vehiron agreed.

“Very well,” Oropher said, rising. “But do not work past midnight.”

“I will work until the work is done, muindor,” Vehiron replied.

“No, you will work until midnight and then you will stop and seek your rest, and I will deal with whatever is left in the morning,” Oropher said firmly. “It isn’t up for discussion, muindor-laes. I need you healthy.”

“Then let us compromise, and say that I will stop when I reach a natural break,” Vehiron suggested. “Else you won’t make sense of your work when you return to it.”

Oropher conceded the point with a sigh and a nod as he picked up his forest green cloak, but he made a mental note to have someone check on Vehiron after midnight. His brother was good at promising to take care of himself, but he wasn’t good at following through with it. Much like Oropher himself, and their father from whom they had inherited it, and Thranduil who was just the same. It was a family trait that the Queen of Greenwood had often despaired of along with stubbornness and recklessness. The King gave Vehiron’s shoulder a grateful squeeze on his way out of the royal pavilion, and the Captain of his guard fell into step behind him as he walked away, a steady yet reassuring presence at his back.

The ground crackled lightly beneath their feet as they walked. So close to Mordor it was often sweltering and uncomfortable even for the elves when the sun was at her highest, but at night it wasn’t unusual for the temperatures to plummet so much that layers of frost formed. Most of Oropher’s elves who weren’t committed to patrol or other duties were already sheltering in their tents. Some yet remained around the campfires, and he paused to briefly speak with them. His heart was elsewhere, but he was still their King. He still had a duty to them. None of them kept him for longer than a minute though. That late at night, it was obvious where he was going. None wished to deprive him.

His ears ringing with so many good wishes for his son, Oropher finally reached the healing tents. They were quiet but not truly silent. They never were, not even in the dead of night, and Oropher knew that because he had spent many an early hour there. If it wasn’t the footsteps of a healer making their rounds, it was a feverish warrior tossing and turning or a traumatised soldier waking from a nightmare with a shout of fear. It was impossible to escape the war even for a second. It was always there, an inescapable fact of thousands of lives.

The sight of the two ellyn standing guard outside the private bell tent where Thranduil lay sent both fondness and exasperation rushing through Oropher. Not three days before, a serious conversation had taken place between the three of them in which he had made it abundantly clear to Linwë Carandirion and Veassen Taldurion that he expected at least a few hours of their free time to be spent in bed. He didn’t expect it every day, for sometimes the requirements of war prohibited rest. He also didn’t expect them to sleep every time they sought their beds, for sometimes the nightmares of war made it impossible, and he knew that all too well. He had, however, expected some measure of obedience from them, especially the generally sensible and well-behaved Veassen, but it seemed they had both developed selective hearing. It was almost a relief to Oropher that his wife’s little cousin Fileg Halmirion had fractured his ankle the week before and, confined to bed, was one less young elf for him to worry about.

“I find myself surprised by your presence, my young warriors,” he remarked. Linwë stood a little straighter but steadily met his eyes, while Veassen dropped his chocolate brown gaze to the floor. The King thought that was less to do with him and more to do with Veassen’s grandfather standing just off to the side. He had heard the slight creak of leather armguards as Captain Rhoven folded his arms, and he knew that wasn’t usually a good sign. “I seem to recall discussing this with you both very recently.”

“You did, your Majesty, and we listened,” Linwë said. “But when we left from visiting Thranduil this evening, we offered to relieve his guards so they could get dinner.”

“That offer was well made,” Oropher acknowledged. “When are you expecting them to return from dinner?”

“They…they returned already, your Majesty,” Veassen said nervously, looking up.

“Ah. And where are they now?” Oropher asked calmly. “Having dessert?”

Nearby torches illuminated the rosy blush that coloured Veassen’s cheeks. “Perhaps they are, sir.”

“Enough of that, elfling,” Captain Rhoven snapped from behind Oropher.

“Lieutenant Carthalon and Lieutenant Angtheldir came back from dinner two hours ago, and we told them – or rather, I told them – to leave again,” Linwë said, taking pity on Veassen. “They didn’t want to, but I didn’t give them much of a choice, so you can’t blame them.”

Oropher put one hand on Linwë’s shoulder and the other on Veassen’s, and he drew the young elves in closer to him. “I know,” he said quietly. “You miss him. You want to be near him. Believe me, I know. Your dedication to my son, your heart-brother, is something that I have always treasured but I need you to take care of yourselves as well. The two of you are doing too much, especially now that you are both looking after Fileg as well. If Thranduil wakes and finds you both exhausted…”

If. It was just a turn of phrase, but it stopped Oropher dead as he realised what he had said. Linwë was suddenly as stiff as a statue, his expression stony, and Veassen looked in dismay between the two of them. “With your permission, sire, I’ll escort our young warriors back to their pavilion myself,” Captain Rhoven interjected. He clapped a hand on Veassen’s shoulder, making his grandson squirm unhappily. “I’ll see to it that they get their rest. And that we don’t have any more of this nonsense.”

“Very good, Captain,” Oropher agreed distantly.

He didn’t watch Rhoven leave with the lieutenants, or pay attention to their receding footsteps or the quiet scolding his captain was delivering. His eyes were fixed on the canvas door to the tent. He had lost count of how many times he had stepped through it over the last couple of weeks, but it never got any easier. The fear of what he might find on the other side never changed. Taking a deep breath, the King of Greenwood put his hand out and swept the flap aside. He stepped into the tent only to immediately stop, caught off guard. The raised bed that his son had been in since that fateful day was still there, and Thranduil still occupied it, deathly pale as if Mandos was only just out of reach. A healer was present, as always, but tonight he wasn’t making observations or administering medicine or whatever else he and his fellows did to keep Oropher’s child alive. Tonight, the healer was asleep.

Oropher felt as though he had stepped into a private and intimate scene as he gazed at his son’s fingers entwined with the healer’s, but he didn’t begrudge Nestorion those close and quiet moments alone. Six yéni of standing in for Oropher when he couldn’t be Ada because he had to be King had earned Nestorion the right to them. He had loved Thranduil, taught him, disciplined him, laughed with him and wiped his tears, healed his hurts, and taken as much pride in him and his accomplishments as Oropher and Felith had. He belonged at Thranduil’s side. Feeling like an intruder, Oropher hesitantly took a step back. He wasn’t used to being the one to leave. Still, Thranduil would be there tomorrow. Unless he dies before then, said a nasty little voice somewhere in his head that made him catch his breath.

It made Nestorion wake, and he sat up slowly. “Forgive me, aran-nín,” he murmured, brushing strands of pale chestnut hair out of his eyes. “I did not know you were there.”

“No, I was at fault. It was not my intention to disturb you. I…” Oropher’s eyes went back to his son. He couldn’t deal with niceties and pleasantries when he had to know. “How is he?”

“I wish I could tell you something new,” Nestorion said quietly. He tucked Thranduil in more securely, and gently passed a hand across his patient’s pale brow. “There is no change.”

Oropher hadn’t considered it before, but now he reflected that it seemed cruel to make the Master Healer say out loud every day that there were no signs of Thranduil waking. It must pain Nestorion to say it as much as it pained him to hear it. “But he has still been breathing by himself?” the King asked.

“Yes, and that is more than we had expected,” Nestorion replied.

The poison on the edge of the blade that had sliced through a gap in Thranduil’s armour had succeeded. He had died in his father’s arms on the battlefield. Oropher had felt it. He’d felt that spark go out, the breaking of the bond that had tied them together as father and son for just short of a thousand years. For a minute that had felt like an immortal lifetime, there had been nothing. But Thranduil had come back. By the grace of the Valar, and his father’s love and rage, and the skills of the healers, he had defied the odds and returned to life – if life it could be called, when he lay there as if he had remained dead. It had to be better than nothing. That was what Oropher told himself. If he let Thranduil go, that was it. Over. Finished. But if Thranduil was breathing – and he was, and there hadn’t been any breathing complications for nearly a full week now – then that meant there was hope.

“I will leave the two of you alone,” Nestorion said softly, as he got to his feet.

“Don’t go,” Oropher replied. “Please. Stay with me. With him. You have every right.”

Nestorion paused for just a moment before resuming his seat at Thranduil’s bedside with a quiet nod of gratitude to Oropher. King and healer sat opposite each other, both holding a pale hand in theirs. “I remember the first time I ever met him,” Nestorion murmured, breaking the silence. “It was twelve days before your coronation. You came to the palace with Thranduil and the Queen. Your brother was there, and his son, and Lord Herdir and Ivoniel. Elder Faelind and Elder Aermanis were showing you around and introducing you to your new staff. Elder Serellon and Elder Thavron were there to point out interesting facts about the structure of the palace, and Elder Luthavar…why was he there, again?”

“To this day I don’t know,” Oropher admitted, with a small and reluctant smile. “He took great joy in showing us all the hidden doors and passageways, and planting all sorts of mischievous thoughts into Thranduil’s mind. Poor Faelind was trying his best not to show us how vexed he was, when all he really wanted was to haul Luthavar across his knee.”

“A sentiment felt by all of us to varying degrees of regularity.” Nestorion’s eyes gleamed with amusement, but he stopped short of laughing. It was hard to laugh when Thranduil lay like a marble statue between them. “Anyway…you didn’t make it to the healing wing until the afternoon. Thranduil stood between you and the Queen, with his hand in hers. He was so little. Not even waist-height. And he’d met so many new people and heard so many new names, and he had behaved so well all day, that he was too tired to even look at me. I was afraid that you would scold him for it but you didn’t. You just put your hand on his head. That was all it took. He stood straighter, as if he had drawn strength from you, and he met my eyes and gave me the sweetest smile. I knelt before him, and promised him that he could always come to me for help when he needed it.”

“And you have been keeping him alive for me ever since,” Oropher said quietly.

Nestorion nodded, his gaze going to Thranduil’s snow-white face. “Yes,” he agreed after a pause. “But you know, he took my words quite literally. He didn’t need healing the first few times he came to me for help.”

“He didn’t?” Oropher repeated, his voice heavy with longing to hear more of the son he could never know enough about.

“The first time he came to me it was because he had got lost trying to find his way to your study,” Nestorion recalled. “The second time, he wanted someone to help him finish a jigsaw puzzle. And the third time, he asked me to hide him because he was in trouble with Bereth Felith for inadvertently frightening one of her ladies with a mouse he wasn’t supposed to have. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I was a healer and not an all-round helper in all things. It was only on our fourth meeting, when he came to me with a splinter in his finger, that I had cause to actually heal him.”

“Times were much easier then,” Oropher said, stroking his son’s cheek with the back of his finger. “He was easier to protect. I wish splinters and trouble were all he had to fear, and that I could still strengthen him with the touch of my hand.”

The two ellyn met each other’s eyes across the body of the poisoned prince. Oropher had done everything in his power to bring his son back from the brink, but seeing the gleam of hope in Nestorion’s leaf green gaze and the unspoken plea to try again…it gave him hope, too. Slowly and carefully, just like the earliest days when he had been afraid of damaging his tiny infant son, he moved his hand to Thranduil’s head. Golden strands shifted like silk beneath his fingers. He closed his eyes and poured his strength into his child, willing him to take it, waiting for a sign. It didn’t even have to be a big one. A little one would do. A squeeze of weakened fingers, a deeper breath, the flutter of lashes, a touch of life in white cheeks, something, anything, he didn’t care what. There was nothing. Just a fool’s hope, Oropher thought hollowly, taking Thranduil’s hand again as he sat back for another night-time vigil.

#thranduil #oropher #lord of the rings #tolkien #elves #second age #last alliance #oc's #fanfiction #father-son #brothers #friendship #vehiron #rhoven #linwe #veassen #nestorion #hope #discipline

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cowboylikedean · 6 years

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Simon vs The Homo Sapiens Agenda is the most offensive book I’ve ever read.

I wrote this review for goodreads, but I’m also posting it here. Bare with me, it’s long.. much of it is under a cut.

This is honest to god one of the most offensive books I've ever read.

My reading goal I set with myself this year was to read all the LGBT YA fiction I could find. Even though I'm 26 years old, YA fiction remains my favorite genre, especially YA romance. It's something about the nature of adolescence being all about change and everything being for the first time and brand new... Writing about/for teenagers, authors can give the endlessly magical feeling of being on the precipice of something great without even trying. That said, some of it reads really young for me and I lose suspension of belief within the story because I am an adult and the intended audience is 14... Though, in my experience, in a really good book, that difference will be noticeable, but unimportant. In this book, however, it was instantly A Big Deal. I had to remind myself so many times in the first few chapters to forgive its terrible sentence structure and awkward wording. It was meant for someone much younger than me, and while it *was* using terrible sentence fragments almost every sentence, the author did that to set the age of the narrating character. I wish she hadn't. It's one thing to have Simon's emails and quoted speech read with every other sentence being a fragment... but for every page of narration to have that many fragments, it's hard to read... One of my goals in reading all the LGBT YA fiction I can find is so that I can better recommend books to the LGBT teens I know who need to read more/find more relevant reading to their lives/learn that reading doesn't just have to be the boring books they're assigned in school *and* use that reading to benefit their writing. When every sentence is either a fragment or a run-on, it kind of defeats that purpose...

But aside from that, I have to agree with other reviewers about how much it shows the author's straightness. I took notes. So buckle up folks... Here's some of the worst offenses and my thoughts. This is by no means a comprehensive list as I have a character limit.

Okay, let's start simple.. Throughout the book, starting on page 21 with its latest reference being 179-180, Leah's objectification of gay boys in the form of yaoi and "slash" fanfic is written to indicate her support and allyship. Its first reference on page 21 comes right after Simon's declared that lesbian and bi women have an easier time of things because straight men like to objectify them. Is it 2018/2017 and we're really still going to praise something that passes straight objectification of LGBT people off as support??? Really??? And these reference to Harry/Draco are SO bad! The last one, I think is the worst. Simon tells Leah he knew she would be supportive because she's the one who introduced him to Harry and Draco, so it was never a question. The first one where we read Simon's exploration into masturbation wasn't fun either.

And that's something to talk about... Sex. I have nothing against sex in teen fiction. Teens have sex and when authors do it right, reading about a teenager explore sex in various forms can add to the story tenfold. However, here it comes off almost like Fifty Shades Of Grey level awkward. Multiple times it's written in the narration Simon tell the reader "I'm hard." Not "I have a boner," not "I'm turned on," "I'm hard." It's something that's just uncomfortable to read... And I don't even think it's just that Simon's a teenage character because I don't think it would have been so uncomfortable to read "I'm turned on" or "I have a boner," but the specific wording of "I'm hard" is very uncomfortable. And then the moment where Simon and Bram "each spend time in the bathroom" prior to Simon's parents coming home after Simon says "I'm hard and I can tell he is too" is just.. "I feel something *down there*" level awkward.

But it's more than that... The emphasis on the word "sex" and phrasing like "I'm hard" give the effect that The Secret Life of the American Teenager had with how many times they said "had/have sex." It feels almost... clinical. It was actually during the first sex-centric email chain I went and read the author bio because I guessed she was a clinician. That's not a good thing. Throughout the book, I see moments of a straight person attempting gay humor... And it's just painful, because she'll get there... and then miss it. Like the passage the book gets its title from. "Blue" takes a shot at gay humor saying that all people coming out is "the homosexual agenda." A classic gay joke in a very safe form. Then Simon comes and runs straight past the joke and "all lives matter"s the joke by saying "I don't know about the homosexual agenda, the homo sapiens agenda. Isn't that the point?" But no, Simon. No it is not the point. If that was the agenda of the whole species, that's how it would work. Furthermore, the joke is a reference to gay hate replaced with gay love. I have to wonder how Becky Albertalli wrote that line without realizing it was the same general premise of "all lives matter." We are not equal in that fight. LGBT people are marginalized. That is the whole freaking point, as Simon would put it. Which brings me to... The cursing. If you're going to write a teenage character who is conscious of their language and doesn't curse, then do it. Don't be inconsistent about it, just do it. Simon will say "fuck" sometimes, and sometimes, he'll be very careful to say "freaking." He also assumes Blue is uncomfortable with cursing... I'm sorry, either a lot's changed since I was 16 ten years ago (which I doubt because, as mentioned, I interact with a lot of teenagers frequently in mentoring and tutoring), or Ms. Becky Albertalli is imposing some odd morals in this book real hard. At any rate, it's incredibly awkward. I want to talk about characters. A review quote from Publishers Weekly says "Readers will fall madly in love with Simon" and I'd just like to ask one simple question: What readers? Okay, maybe two... Why? Now again, let me preface this by repeating, I am a regular tutor and mentor to many teenagers and I interact with them regularly. They text me, facebook message me, snap me, instagram DM me, etc all throughout the day I am in constant communication with my little ones. These are all (for the most part) LGBT kids, most of whom struggle with mental illness issues that are giving them school trouble. Simon is insufferable. He's not just a complex character with insufferable traits, no. I love those characters, they tend to be my favorites. Quite the contrary... He has no substance. Simon was given almost no characterization throughout the entire 303 pages of the original version of the book. I mean I know he loves Elliott Smith and oreos and not much else. He doesn't like things being made into a Big Deal. He's in a play and we're told he liked being the center of attention as a child, but he doesn't seem to like it now and/or we get no description on it. We get a lot of narration about what other people are doing and how other people are thinking and feeling and it leaves very little space to explore Simon. Sometimes, the book feels narrated in 3rd person limited rather than 1st person because of how much exposition there is on others. Simon feels like an empty character that is supposed to be a self insert to the reader.. which again, makes those awkwardly worded sex scenes even more uncomfortable. But with that, there's very little character *development*. Simon doesn't grow or change too much from beginning to end. Things in Simon's life change, but as a reader, I didn't feel Simon himself changing. I think the biggest factor here is that once again, we have a coming out story written by a straight person in which the main character was outed without permission and in a publicly humiliating way before he was ready. If there is one thing I wish straight people would write down, crumple up and throw away/burn/dispose of in any given way to make sure it never comes back... it's this trope. Martin committed an act of violence. Outing someone against their will, especially as a form of public punishment by harassment, is an act of anti-gay violence. For Simon's character development to happen so that this ends up being the nudge he needs because he doesn't really deal with the trauma of it. I mean, it's mentioned... I'll give Ms. Albertalli that, but it's not *explored.* The book I read prior to this was The Symptoms of Being Human, which is a great book (with a few pacing problems) about a genderfluid teenager named Riley. To save spoilers, I'll just say there's also violence in that book... But unlike in this book, in Symptoms, Riley has time at home where we see and hear their pain and coping. The topic of coming out is hugely important in Symptoms too, but there, we get incredibly intimate with Riley's internal debate on the topic. In this book, Simon's internal debate happens completely away from the reader outside of his debate to tell Nick and Leah that one time in the basement after he told Abby. How am I supposed to feel the development of this character in a story of coming out in which I was kept away from the internal debate of the character in question? It's just bad writing. I want to talk about the other characters for a second too... Who are such annoying stereotypes. So first Leah. The straight girl obsessed with gay boys who spends her time objectifying them and feels ownership over her male best friend. The central point of her character throughout the book seems to be her jealousy and blind hatred of the other biggest female character. Yikes. Then there's Nick who is obsessed with Assassin's Creed (great series) and is That Guy who has to pick up a guitar everywhere he goes (AKA The "Anyway, here's Wonderwall" guy). Then there's Abby who, as far as I can tell is one of the two actual compelling characters. There's Bram/Blue, the other compelling character who loses all characterization once we find out he's Bram. It's like Blue is super interesting. Bram is a blank sheet like Simon devoid of any characterization. Martin who is a straight man who violently outs a gay man after blackmailing him because he feels ownership over a woman he doesn't know... And the worst part about Martin is in his final "apology" email, he says if he could go back, he'd blackmail Simon into friendship with him and then stop. DIRECT QUOTE bottom of p 289. Earlier in the book when Simon, Martin, and Abby are running lines at the Waffle House and Simon starts to feel like Martin's friend, it's passed off as a good thing??? What? I also want to mention Simon's stereotypes. Does he really have to mention Every Single Time Nick is playing video games (particularly Assassin's Creed) that he doesn't care? Really? Also... He seems to understand sports fine... and then all of the sudden after he comes out he slips up and calls soccer try-outs "auditions"???? Something I've literally only ever seen done on the TV show The Middle by its main gay character Brad? Really? Something else I want to point out... I'll go back to the Harry Potter Harry/Draco thing for a second... That's an abusive relationship that's literally mostly shipped and romanticized by straight girls. Okay, I just had to point that out explicitly. Abusive gay relationship. Okay... So I've saved the most offensive two bits for last. One: "Cross-dressing." Now I don't know know if Becky Albertalli had a trans person read this before publishing but Simon's disgust that he used to enjoy wearing dresses was so incredibly painful. As a transgender person myself, I am so deeply saddened that a book that has had so much praise as being incredible representation would include such hostility. Reading the passage of gender-bender day felt like a punch in the gut. To feel the vitriol disgust in Simon's words "A lot of the time, I can't believe that was even me" and "I never crossed that line," "there's something so mortifying to me about the intensity of those feelings." I get it Simon, you hate trans people. Probably you too Becky Albertalli... As a transgender person, a book with such a passage will never be okay. Two: The entire scene in Webster's with Peter. At first, Peter is an age inappropriate gay man who gets Simon drunk knowing nothing about him, including his age without any conversation. Within a few minutes of meeting him, he puts three drinks in Simon's system, then almost as if Ms. Albertalli was aware she was crossing the line into the "older gay male predator" trope, she magically reveals Simon's age to these college kids who send him on his way. He's so disgustingly happy being sloppy drunk. The whole thing is embarrassing and honestly seems to serve 0 point other than to give justification for Simon's parents to ground him. Simon is taken advantage of by a group of older gay men and then punished by his parents. What in the actual hell is that? Okay... so that's my list of most offensive things of this book. Honorable mention: Simon's parents saying they need to find "ground rules" for when Nick sleeps over. Straight people are so obsessed with the idea that people cannot be "just friends" (I hate that term, but you get it) with people of the gender they're attracted to and honestly, it baffles me. Do straight people not have friends? At any rate, between the writing style and bad sentence structure, the poor characterization, the anti-gay tropes, the fake allyship, the praise of straight objectification of gay people, the forgiveness of anti-gay violence, the anti-feminist aspects of the tension between the two main female characters, the poor narrative structure... I see very little to like, let alone love, about this book. It is one of the most offensive books I've ever read

#simon vs the homo sapiens agenda #book review #lgbt book review #this was so bad y'all

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