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schroedingersk8 · 4 years

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Lesson 1: I, Product

So we have finally established your proper place in the dating food chain. You are a Product, packaged, stuffed and positioned to attract a Buyer. Right? Well, let’s study YOU for a second, shall we?

Very well! So, what are you, exactly?

Who are you?

As a product, what do you do? What need you serve? What service do you provide?

What is your Unique Selling Proposition, or USP, as a product?

Why would a Buyer choose you, and not another product?

What are your core qualities?

What are your rare qualities? Exceptional talents?

What are your flaws? What are your shortcomings?

Which are the areas you should polish up?

What are your strengths?

What are the things you’d like to change about yourself?

What are the things you’d like to change about yourself, but cannot?

What is your Target Market? Is the product appropriate for the Target Market?

Is it easier to improve the Product, or to change Target Market?

How much do you cost? Are you an essential item, like a MaxiPad, or a luxury Product, like an expensive time piece?

So many questions, isn’t it? It was so much easier to sit and complain that there are no good women for you out there, eh? Now you have to take a very close look at yourself, and do the work! Bleeeeh!

Well, my dear, if you do not want to rot on the shelf, let’s start:

Task 1. Write a GoogleDoc, like a personal CV of you. Not your work experience, but a Product Overview. Answer all those questions... We will need them for Lesson 4.

This is the time to resort to maximum honesty. If you are a house slob who hasn’t showered this week -- say it! If you are a Maths wiz -- say it! If you can only cum when you jerk off with a warm wet sock to the whale songs on YouTube -- SAY IT! For once, be honest with yourself! Make a list, and print it out/save it as a PDF.

P.S. If you have any questions, ask them on Twitter, and if you want me to look over your answers to this task, screenshot them and post them as pics in comments.

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schroedingersk8 · 4 years

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The Reverse Dating Paradigm

As some of my Twitter followers would know, I have recently taken it upon myself to personally mentor a good friend of mine through the perils of dating in general, and acquiring a FemDom partner in particular. And it made me realise a few fundamental things about myself, and how apparently the pure and unadulterated logic in my head is not always as apparent to people as it should be... So I shall take my time of semi-quarantine and transfer my mentorship into a few lessons. Consider this post as a foreword to them.

FOREWORD.

As we all know, the majority of the people on this planet, whether gay or straight, religious or agnostic, are overwhelmingly Vanilla. Simple. Traditional. Man chooses woman, man approaches woman, woman accepts or rejects. An age long paradigm. Nothing wrong with that. And thus it is not illogical to presume that most, if not all, dating advice has been issued for that specific paradigm. With me so far, right?

In that Traditional Paradigm, Woman is a Product, and Man is a Buyer, or Investor. I am not suggesting that there is a financial exchange taking place, I am just translating this into a few commercial terms.

So, a Woman, as a Product, can work on her projected image (can be looks, skills, intelligence, personality, domestic talents, cooking skills, etc), to make it more attractive to potential Investors, and the higher demand she can generate, the better Investor Pool she will have to choose from. But it isn’t like doing an IPO, it is more like selling the family brand. You judge Investors based on their liquidity, credibility, plans post-sale, etc.

In the Vanilla world, which is probably 70% of the overall population), this is how things work. Woman is a Product, Man is Investor. Woman sits, Man approaches. Woman winks, Man says hello.

Now, let’s imagine that 30% of the world is into BDSM. Half of those, at least, will be into Extreme Traditional roles. A Dominant Male Partner, and a Submissive Female Partner. Dominant Male is an Investor, Submissive Female is a Product. Still with me? Good!

Now, IMPORTANT! And that is where, when I look at it in hindsight, literally EVERY MAN went wrong --

In the world of FemDom, the Reverse Role domain, where Women are Dominant, and Men are Submissive, it is the MEN WHO ARE THE PRODUCT! And the Women who are the Investors!!!!! Do you see the fundamental difference that entails?

Trying to pester and spam the Investor into dating is as sensible as spamming the elderly women with boner pill ads. Like, what for? How do you expect it to even work? You think you can beg your way into a relationship? Stalk your way into a relationship? It is as tone-deaf as for a Lamborghini to advertise a newly released model in the Big Issue magazine (sold by the homeless people). And endlessly trawling through swipe apps, coming across as a macho-vanilla dude on Tinder to maximise your appeal to the MAJORITY OF WOMEN (who by default are Vanilla) will not only fail to land you a decent relationship (you had to pretend to be someone you are not from the get go), it will PUT OFF the very people you want to attract.

So, to summarise this foreword, the best thing you can do is to START VIEWING YOURSELF AS A PRODUCT. Leave the hunting to the Hunters. Learn to be good juicy prey.

P.S. You can comment on this post on Twitter, if you need to.

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schroedingersk8 · 4 years

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Hi, am a fan of your writing, very amusing. I am sure I am not the only one who wonders: do you actually date?

Answering as Mistress K8 Morgan, of K8Morgan.com

I do go on dates, but only when I am paid to do so. Yesterday was Feb 14th, the Valentines Day, for those believing in commercial saints. I was paid, handsomely, to join my regular client who is in town for work, for a 20+ course meal in a two-Mischelin-star restaurant.

I have done 0 free dating in last 2 years, and am not looking to restart such effort-wasting activity. Sometimes I go on “charity dates” when my clients need some emotional support. They usually send gifts after...

But thank you for the question, and for actually “wondering” and not automatically presuming, as some guys do, for no reason whatsoever, that I am “in desperate search for a boyfriend”!

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schroedingersk8 · 4 years

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First of all I want to thank you for this beautiful and interesting blog you have. I can imagine you have many requests for dating you. How do you know which one is sincere with you and worthy?

Answering as Miss K8 Morgan, of K8Morgan.com

Hello, and thank you very much for reading and enjoying this interesting blog of mine! :) And my Twitter, too! And thank you for giving me this opportunity to #dommesplain a few things to my kind followers and readers…

But back to your question, out of the many requests for dating that I get, how do I know which one is sincere with me and worthy?

Well, it is a good question, but I would expand the categories in it further. How do I know those requests are

sincere,

realistic,

acceptable, and

worthy.

For better understanding of the selection process, let’s take a closer look at each category individually, and examine them in detail, shall we?

1. Sincerity

I have this saying, “no one is more sincere than a man firm in his delusions.” This is ever-so-applicable to each and every stranger from the Internet who has ever written to me with an inquiry to date me… And even to some guys making such inquiries after meeting me a few times, here and there. What can I say, I believe that all of them are most sincere in their desires to date me, or someone like me, or the “me” they imagine – and even more sincere in using their offer to date me as a means to avoid paying my session or social fees. Sincerity is not a problem here, Delusion – or lack of realism – is!

2. Realism

So how do I know when somebody is being realistic? I suppose in the same way you, or anyone else would know. It just requires some common sense. For example, no realistic message has ever started with, or included, the following:

“Hello, Mistress, I am a real no-limits slave. I will do anything you want [except booking a session and actually paying me for my time] but I think pro dommes only do things for money, but I am looking for someone to dominate me for free as part of a FemaleLed relationship” To this particular kind of drivel you can also add things like “…but I am still a virgin”, “…but I am still married” “…but I have never seen a Mistress before” and a plethora of similar verbal identifiers.

“… I have an excellent life, career and social circle here in the [insert any US city] and am able to provide you with a life in which you wouldn’t have to work.” This particular statement is more common than you think, and is ALWAYS US-based. Somehow they seem to believe that we, here in Europe, suffer greatly from our free health care, non-GM, locally grown wholesome food, the quaint culture and history of our countries, the public transport and rights to privacy protection. And it implies that because the author of it is so “overwhelmingly generous” – with his words – I am going to drop everything: my job, my family, my life, my friends, sell my cats to the Circus, and move to the US, to be his…mail-order pet-bride??? Someone with no job, no independence, no voting rights and with a precarious immigration status. To be bored to injuries, until death do us part? NO THANKS!

“…I am not rich and do not have a fancy car, a palace for a house and travelling for me more often includes a backpack and a tent – I appreciate simple things in life…” Say no more, bro! I, myself, appreciate finer things in life, the finer the better, and the only way you would see me with a backpack in a national park is if some psycho has killed me, stuffed me into that backpack and is carrying me to bury me in a shallow grave there. I like fancy cars, I like rare timepieces, I enjoy luxury travel, fine dining, fine wine, fine arts… As a matter of fact, I unapologetically love all things fanciful and complicated, and am not looking to change that any time soon.

“…and I probably do not make enough to have you as a GF, but I thought I’d try anyway.” Mate, I wish you didn’t. I hear your pain, I myself do not have enough to buy me a Lamborghini Aventador S. Not even a stinky Murcielago… And every morning I wake up, and I come to terms with this harsh, cruel, unfair reality. But never once have I written to a dealership to try to get one anyway! Luckily, you can still book a session to enjoy me for a limited amount of time, and I can still go to the dealership and stare to my heart’s delight…

“…I do not believe in having to pay to date…” What are you doing writing to me, then??? You might as well try and tell me that you believe Jesus loves me, and that Earth is flat… Keep your beliefs to yourself, mate, no one here has asked to hear them – or I swear to Jesus that loves me I will bring out my pie chart again!

These are some of the most common examples of my dating wannabes, but that list is truly endless and ever-growing. But what would, then, a realistic approach entail? I would say a situational self-evaluation study: what you do, where you live, how much free time and disposable income you have, how much of it are you willing to spend on dating, if we live in different cities how often can you travel, and how often you’d need me to travel, what you’d ideally like to achieve with this relationship, when you’d like it to start, and whether you prefer it as a permanent or a fixed term contract. There, no rocket science, is it?

3. Acceptability

But what, then, would be the acceptable terms for me to favorably consider an offer? I think the main factors would have to be:

geographical compatibility,

time strain, and

relationship goals.

It is not a secret that I am in my mid-30es, so I am old, lazy, and by now I have visited most places I had an interest in. I no longer get excited about having to take a trans-Atlantic flight to see someone for a date because “we are going to see DisneyWorld!!!!!”. I stopped being excited about it some…20 years ago.

There are only two places in the US I am interested in, one is New England – in autumn or in winter, and another is Portland, OR in spring/summer. Part of my education took place in New England (I do not specify where for privacy reasons, so do not ask), and I have spent some time in Oregon in later years, too, both those are two places very dear to my heart. The rest of the US: seen, done, not much interest to revisit. And very little interest to return to live in the US at this point in my life.

Same goes for SE Asia and Middle East. Would consider visiting, would not consider moving. Would not consider having to take 4 connecting flights to reach the final destination. Would not consider getting stoned to death for being your house guest.

If frequent travel is required on my part, then it will have to be somewhere within a 3hr flight radius from Paris. I do have my pet peeve places, i.e. London. If you are someone who has tried to get me to come to London for a tour before, you’d be familiar with my “not enough money in the world to make me suffer through that indignity!” rant. I have lived there for too long, as one can tell, and I only visit when I absolutely must, as in, for legal obligations, deaths or weddings. I am somewhat more ok with Edinburgh.

I do have my “preferred” list, too! This year it features Stockholm (love that northern gem and the Swedish boys!), Zurich, Frankfurt, Vienna, Salzburg, Paris and most of France (once the strikes are over!), and I would love to discover Tunisia, Morocco and Israel (as I have heard very good things), but I am open to suggestions as long as there are direct flights.

As for time restraints, then really anything above cumulative 2 weeks per month is unreasonable. I want my space, and I want my time. You should want yours! If you want to have an overly-attached live-in GF – look elsewhere. I am all for fun and intense time together inter-twinned with time dedicated solely to work. A “weekend relationship” would work very well for me, for example.

And when it comes to relationship goals, I understand that these change with time. And I think a relationship with me would be good for someone single, successful and busy with his own professional life, who wants to enjoy some time with kinky stimulating company without having to buy into societal pre-sets. However, if the end goal is to get married and have 3 kids – once again, I am not the Droid you are looking for.

I would say I am an ideal life companion for a social renegade and adventurer whose end goal is the same as his intermediate aspirations – joy, stimulating fun and absolution from boredom and trivia. I will be wasted on others…

4. Worthiness of the Offer.

And how, then, do I decide if the offer is worth it? Well, this subject is reminiscent of my earlier post, 15. Let Me Draw You A Pie Chart, and the arising Mathematical solutions. As with any relationship, I expect to be better off with it than without it. The offer will have to consider the amount of travel necessary, the cost of it, and the cost of my time. But overall, I would say, for a successful candidate with an interesting offer, the cost of weekend-dating me, per month, for 3 weekends, one of them long, would more or less be the cost of booking a long weekend Private Tour with me at my work rate. Which may seem like a steal and it is certainly a bargain in relative terms, but it is an eye-watering amount of money, for most people, and it is definitely not available to just anyone.

As the matters stand, tomorrow will be the first time in a year that I have agreed to hear out an offer from an existing client, and I do not know whether or not we will be able to reach a consensus on terms. Alas, such is #DommeLife

No one, under the penalty of the EU copyright laws, is allowed to use or reproduce my blog or individual posts, or even passages, in any way, shape or form, be it for Netflix series, Amazon books, or anything of the kind, regardless of the credit given. If you have any questions, you may contact me via K8Morgan.com

#dommesplaining #dommelife

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schroedingersk8 · 4 years

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15. Let Me Draw You A Pie Chart

Or Why I Refuse To Date For Free.

I have written this post as a personal opinion, but I think it would be of tremendous use to my fellow Dommes and International Women of Mystery, as a read and perhaps a thought experiment, too. If you have any questions, please contact me via K8Morgan.com

I have woken up today, and have decided to dedicate my inaugural 2020 dating blog post to what is bound to become a very a prickly subject -- remunerated dating. Thing is, that yesterday, before going to bed, I have posted a three-line response to an anonymous question, and woke up to an anonymous answer in a scandalised line of “how dare I?” :)

And I laughed to myself, but also thought that, in this day and age of #mansplaining and with my work as a Dominatrix shrouded in all kinds of myths, maybe I ought to do a bit of #dommesplaining (I am very proud of this hashtag, btw!) and show exactly how, and why I dare. So, my dear, let me draw you a pie chart:

This is my pie chart of life.

Are you with me so far? Am I condescending enough?

You can read it as a day, month, year, etc -- this is an entire life-flow, and I have organised it, for myself, in in the following manner:

There is “Me time” -- a pleasant tea on a sunny bar terrace, a visit to a SPA, upkeeping my good looks -- manicures, haircuts, meditation, just 20 minutes of quiet nothingness to myself. Then there are “Vanilla Life Obligations”-- doing a food shop, waiting for deliveries, arranging household needs, plumbers, boiler revisions, own health check up, cat health check ups, getting paperwork done, etc. Then we come to “Active Hobbies and Social Obligations” -- things I enjoy doing outside of the house -- maybe an opera visit, a museum stroll, a theatre performance, a gallery opening, gym, walk in the park, an excursion, a friend’s birthday party, or crisis counselling, or just a few beers with gossip et al. We also have “Passive Indoor Hobbies” -- things I usually do in the comfort of my own home -- reading classics by the fireplace, covered in Feline Overlords, watching some telly, taking a bath...you get the drift. And then, there is “WORK”. Want to venture a guess and pick which one is which?

How well did you do? It is, of course, a very rough estimate. But this is how I have arranged my life.

As you notice, there is no pie slice for “romantic relationship” because for me it is not a necessity. I am very happy with my current life, and 2020 will mark 9 years of me being “emotionally single” and “self-partnered”. Would it be nice to have a relationship? Maybe. But at this point it will be coming at the cost of other things. And I am not willing to surrender those things. Should I skip a visit to El Prado because you want your knob polished for free? Should I stop seeing my friends and family, who have been with me for years, because your ego needs continuous attention for the following 3 weeks, every time you come home from work? Should I banish my cats to an animal shelter because your balls need free shining? No? Then the only thing that has to give is my work time allocation.

“Pah, you dedicate too much time to work!” -- I hear you scoff. Now, have you met many self-employed/entrepreneurial people? Do they spend 30 min a day, only, on their projects? Let me remind you that DOMMEWORK IS WORK. S#X WORK IS WORK. If I were doing a PhD, would you whinge about my time allocation to studying?

My work is something that brings me joy, my work is something that I find challenging, stimulating and fun. My work is something that pays my bills. All those things are already more than what I can say about your contribution to my life so far.

And, as any work, it gets even more detailed:

I do not know if you can see it well in the picture, but my work currently consists of seven parts:

Research and Development -- studying marketing and pricing trends, consumer behaviour, strategies, new BDSM fabs, new media tendencies.

Implementation -- with the results of research and development in mind, making website updates, skill updates, new inventory and alike.

Analytics -- establishing what worked, what worked best, and what did not work at all, and changing things accordingly.

Work Admin -- reading and answering all your emails and inquiries, about sessions, pricing, availability, and about chances to date me for free.

Business Admin -- taxes, forms, rebates, etc etc etc.

Social Media Maintenance -- social media is the pipeline from where I get my clients, and no maintenance = no new clients.

Actual Sessions or Tours -- the time actually spent in sessions or preparing for sessions.

This, above, is a VERY rough estimate of what currently goes into my work. This does not even include the work I do for my fan sites. This is just the most basic task allocation in the most basic idea that you might have of my work.

Yes, I am self employed, but the world these days places same requirements on the one-person-flying-circus as they do on corporations. Everybody expects me to post pretty pictures a few times a day. Everybody expects me to provide customer service. Government expects me to pay taxes. Anyone with a New Year’s Resolution to “date me this year” expects a reply, and then an even longer reply of “why not?” Clients expect me to look my best. To succeed in industry I need to be on top of the tendencies. And to be proud of my work I expect myself to do my absolute best.

And yes, I HAVE to do everything myself. As such, I employ a cat nanny/cleaner so I can spend few more hours per week learning and studying. Yes, I do as well as I do because I DELIVER on most expectations. And I am able to DELIVER on them because of meticulous hard work that I put in, today and every day, into my business. (Tumblr is part of my Business Profile, by the way, otherwise I wouldn’t be spending time on it. For example, I deemed Instagram no longer cost effective after 3 years as it was not worth the time I had to put into it in terms of prospective client growth, so I stopped using it, at 50K+ followers.)

As I hope you understand (I simply cannot draw a more basic pie chart!), any reduction in time I spend doing my work results in less income for me. Now, DommeWork, in terms of my age, and in terms of my looks, is an enterprise limited in time. Whatever I save is my future pension, it is my future cash flow, it is my nest egg, for when I retire. Why should I deprive myself of that, so that you could get your knob polished for free? Why SHOULD I make less money for myself just so you can save YOUR money???

“Oh, you only have dollar signs in your eyes, you do not value me as a person and as just an cash machine!” -- No, my dear, my stance on “free dating” has absolutely NOTHING to do with you, or how I view or value YOU. But it has EVERYTHING to do with how I view MYSELF, how I VALUE MYSELF, and how I VALUE MY TIME. Even to give you, a man from the Internet who thinks I owe him free dating, a try for a month, and dedicate 20% of my work time, to you, instead of work, will result in a 20% reduction in MY income the following month. Now, 20% of my average monthly income is roughly my monthly rent. So, I should give up my ENTIRE month’s rent in order to see whether you are worth it? While you do not think you should be paying for dating?

And, what exactly is “it”? The funny thing is that in the “best case scenario” of us moving in together and living happily ever after, you would occupy at least half of my time, ever pushing for more, costing me a 50% reduction of income (that’s TWO ENTIRE RENTS) to then just have to contribute “your fair share” of HALF THE RENT!!!

So, you are down HALF the rent, while I am down TWO RENTS AND A HALF! And when you yelp “but what about love, love should be free, it is priceless, a relationship should be about two equals!” this is exactly how much YOUR priceless love, by the roughest estimate of the projected loss of earnings based on time allocation is going to cost ME, per month. TWO AND A HALF RENTS. While you insist it should be FREE for you because it is priceless! Show me the equality in that relationship, you equal rights champion you! Where is it? Or is it like in Orwell’s “Animal Farm”, some pigs should be more “equal” than the others? I mean, really???

Do we need another chart to explain to you the “bigger-smaller, up-close or far-away” concepts? Because your parents should have explained it to you when you were about 4 years old...

“Yeah, well, other women do not expect me to pay them to date them!” -- I do not know what to say to that -- maybe they value themselves less. Maybe they have too much free time on their hands and are bored. Maybe they cannot entertain themselves. Maybe they need help watching Netflix. Maybe their rents are so high in relation to their overall income that half a rent or half the mortgage for them is worth the trouble. Maybe the contribution they think you will make to their life is worth it for them. Or maybe they need to take a look at my pie charts themselves? In any case, if free dating is what you want, you should address your needs towards them, not me.

So, my dear, as I dash to my drinks and tapas with friends, as it is a beautiful Sunday afternoon -- and I had to push back my attendance by an hour to finish writing my work blog post to address the topic raised too many times this week alone -- let me give you a word of advice. Before you get your panties in a knot and get thinking of what you can get from me for free -- ask yourself a very hard question: what can you really contribute?

#DommeSplaining DommeLife #DommeSplaining

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schroedingersk8 · 4 years

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Is it possible to date you?

First of all, hello, and thank you for your time to ask this question.

Possible? Yes.

Probable? Not at all.

And it would be blasphemous to even presume the existence of possibility of dating me for free...

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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! Hi ! Good Morning, Do you think that submissive men, are usually better people in every aspect of life including a relationship between Mistress and slave. My personal opinion is yes, they are. Thanks in advance.

Hello, my dear, and thank you for the question! You know, were you to ask me this very question ten years ago, in my youthful naivete I would have said that yes, I do think submissive men are better for relationships.

I have since grown older and wiser, met more submissive and “submissive” men, and no longer think so. I do not think submissive men are better, nor they are worse. There are plenty of useless blokes across all BDSM spectrum. The level of emotional maturity, ability for introspection and self reflection, emotional and mental intelligence are much more important indicators if one is to look for a successful relationship.

The important message there, whether you are a Dom or a sub, to not be an arrogant prick. After all, friends are life’s reward for not being an @ssshole!

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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Hi, have not seen your posts for a while, hope you are ok!

Hello, my dear! And thank you very much for asking!

Yes, I am very well, and perfectly fine as you can see from the post below, but I have been genuinely busy! #DommeLife is not all bells and whistles, a lot of preparation and admin work goes into it! I am learning to manage my time a bit better and in a less extreme way, but it is a process thus far, haha!

#dommelife

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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IMPORTANT SCAM ALERT

My dear Ladies and Gentlemen, my Fellow Dommes and their clients, today’s post is not about dating, this post is about an industry-wide problem that seems to be emerging around us.

Those of us who have toured Dubai have seen a variant of it before -- pictures of legitimate Dommes have been used on Backpage and alike advertising for sessions to lure people in only to get robbed.

The new trend I am writing about is more obscure, and rather ridiculous, but more serious: Pictures of well-known and established Dommes get stolen, even if watermarked, and advertised locally, in a location the said Dommes had never worked nor would tour, and an email and payment systems gets set up to resemble the said Dommes’ names.

Think of it as a small ads website, personals section, and an ad saying that this is such and such Dominatrix now touring the town of Godknowswhat. The Dominatrix name is correct-ish, the text is copied directly from her website, and even the Instagram and Twitter accounts are listed for verification and legitimacy (naturally, those accounts do belong to actual Dominatrices, have thousands of followers, and all say “NO DMs”). Everything is correct, but the contact details. A dodgy email, and a burner phone number.

The clients from local small ads would contact them, chat, maybe even check up on the social media of the legitimate Dommes (who are entirely unaware that instead of a European Capital they are now allegedly touring the US town of Godknowswhat, population 536), pay deposits, and get blocked. These non-prudent clients, not to use the word idiots, then, and only THEN do they write to the legitimate Dommes via websites, listed on social media (that these scammed clients have seen before, but who can be bothered to actually read all the text, right, and fill out the form, when there is a phone number listed on the small ads page?!) to complain that they paid a deposit and the session never materialised. This isn’t some fake bot-run Instagram accounts stealing pictures, reaching out to people who liked the original pics, and asking for amazon vouchers. This is scam businesses being set up...

It would be all fine and dandy, and a good lesson to teach the imprudent, but the gullible idiots who got scammed THEN turn around and report the legitimate Dommes, who are blissfully unaware of the very existence of the town of Godknowswhat, to police, and their social media accounts to administration.

It is affecting the US for the time being, mostly and probably because of relatively anonymous payment system availability, but as you can see it does have a world wide potential.

It would never be up to me to tell my fellow Ladies what to do or how to run their businesses, and I myself am only in process of thinking how to safeguard my “brand” against such abuse. But I would like to address all our clients, especially new and prospective clients:

IF YOU HAVE NOT CONTACTED YOUR DOMINATRIX THROUGH HER WEBSITE, listed on her social media and/or in legitimate directories that verify Dommes, but via some phone number or email address you have seen somewhere on the ads site -- IT IS VERY LIKELY THAT YOU ARE SENDING YOUR DEPOSIT TO A HAIRY FAT OLD BLOKE IN ALABAMA!

Do your due diligence, don’t be an idiot! Most of us will never reach out to some dude on the internet looking for a client or looking for love, most of us do not have time to chat to you from “our spare Twitter or Instagram account” as most of us are frequently behind even on updating our actual real work accounts, and on answering legitimate website inquiries!

Yes, the world is full of sad lonely naive men, and they are often kind, sweet, genuinely good people. And it is profoundly unfair that they are being taken advantage of. And we, Dommes, try to do our best to get those guys out of harm’s way, but it is only that much we can do. You guys have to step up to the plate and do your part!

Caveat Emptor!

End of Public Service Announcement by Mistress K8 Morgan, K8Morgan.com

#online safety #online security

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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It appears that you have a justifiably narrow set of criteria for what you consider to be an eligible male. Where do you meet one that checks all those boxes? I'm guessing that it might be, if not impossible, a low probability occurrence.

Answering as Mistress K8 Morgan, k8morgan.com.

Well, hello there! And thank you very much for such a wonderful question – it was delightful to read, entertaining to think about, and I suspect will be quite enjoyable to answer, too! But enough of compliments – let’s commence the square dancing, shall we?

First, I do not think mine is a narrow set of criteria: a single child-free animal loving cultured educated and intelligent adult male who has a grip on his own life and takes pride in personal appearance? I do not know how old you are, and it could well be an age thing, but I still belong to a generation where that is pretty much the basic line of expectations of an adult male in his mid 30es to late 40es, without particularly prominent mental, emotional or physical issues and of intellectual, rather than physical, inclinations…

Because what exactly would be the alternative? A non-functioning alcoholic or an addict who would try to sell my whips on eBay? A polygamist philanderer (not to be confused with a philanthropist!) afraid of cello music? Somebody who cannot form a sentence that goes beyond “send pics bobs and vagene” and still lives in his mom’s basement? These here are funny stereotypes, but it is important – VERY important – that we all remind ourselves that they are NOT the vast majority of people.

Being kind to animals, being able to sort own sh*t out, showing interest in something beyond one’s reproductive organs while showering regularly are NOT some Batman super-powers!!! That IS what the vast majority of people I know are like, and it is the basic level of expectations!

And people who meet those standards are not some pink unicorns you can only ever see in books, they are the guys you meet daily in the office, on the tube, at restaurants, galleries, musea… Heck, from the when I still lived in London, you could walk into Canary Wharf’s Brown’s, All Bar One or that swanky 2-storey bar that used to be in Cabot square at 7 pm on any given Thursday – and you would meet a dozen of eligible guys, mostly solvent, sharply dressed, with great to excellent education, professionally obliged to know current events, market trends and basic geopolitics, and most importantly – very eager to prove themselves to the extend of committing to like cats, dislike children and appreciate classical music!

I have met some of my “eligible” stock there, and I am still friends with most. And let’s face it, I have been married twice, so I did manage to find at least two unicorns, no? Obviously, the standards are not that outlandish…not outlandish enough, ha! Yes, I am no longer 22 years old – but luckily, neither are they! The places change, but hearts still beat the same, and now that we are all grown up, they come with less associated drama.

These days I meet the guys who fit the bill perfectly, I’d say, a few times a year. That is, every year I meet 5 to 8 guys at whom I look and think, after a chat, that “yup, totally could.” On top of that I already KNOW guys who fit my standards. I meet or have met most of them through my line of work, as clients or as kinky bystanders, and they are yet another reason I am so grateful to have chosen doing what I do for work. I maintain the high standard of my surrounding by not being on ANY dating apps at all. I’d rather live in the world where I know ten guys who meet all my standards than the world where I know ten thousand guys who do not. A lot, if not most, of my friends fit my standards… “Finding” a good match has never been the issue – to the extend that up until I got your question I didn’t even realise I had to “look for them”!

The “final frontier” of this battle for my “hand in marriage” was never going to be “finding a match for standards” – but it is most likely to be convincing myself that the trouble of getting into a relationship is worth it, at all.

I am not a teenage girl who cries at Ed Sheeran songs. I am of a generation that, aside from having these “basic incredibly high expectations” also asks themselves a number of questions before jumping into actions. A simple set, “well, what’s that there for, then?” and “Why would I?” usually stops most of ‘totally could’ from turning into ‘will.’

“Because cats need a father!” is a humorous, yet invalid reason. And until I find a valid reason – I shall be standing proudly alone!

#k8morgan DateK8Blog

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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14. Three Most Common Mistakes Kinky People Make When Dating.

Writing as Mistress K8 Morgan, k8morgan.com

I got inspired to write this post when I was answering earlier questions. In my tenure as a full-time Kinkstar (note the play on the word kinkster) – and yes, I use this definition today because regardless of who we are, dominant or submissive, fetishists, sadists, masochists, lifestyle or professional, we all tend to walk into these mistakes head first – I have done so myself when I was younger, and I have seen and heard too many stories of couples and individuals blaming all and everything around them for their own inability to sort even themselves out, let alone a relationship! Blame game is easier, and might be tempting, but up until you snap out of it, you will be making same bitter mistakes over and over and over again…

1. The first, most fundamental, and probably most common dating mistake for any type of kinkster is to reject the fact that they have a kink. To refuse it. To deny it. To sweep it under the carpet. To bury it deep inside their unconsciousness, and spend 24/7 guarding it, in case it comes out.

“Nope. Nope, Not me! I do not like it! I may look at kinky porn all day, but I do not like it! Nope! People who do it are disgusting, sick and disgusting!”

Or a milder version: “I like it, it is fun. But I have outgrown it now. I am now fully vanilla, and I do not need to revisit kink for the rest of my life. I will just be a happy innocent vanilla individual from now on, happy with the bland happiness of the masses, not missing the spices at all. Here, take my whip, and give me a cooking apron…”

Or an even subtler version yet: “I really want to be treated like a sub, but I am too embarrassed to tell my GF about it… What will she think? This is embarrassing… After all, she is my life partner, I have so much to lose if I tell her…” Latter is solely a male thing, never heard of a woman having a problem in telling her guy that she is kinky!

And the sad truth is that, whether you want it or not, whether you like it or not, but YOU ARE KINKY, and you may deny it until you are blue in the face, but it will not go anywhere. And the more you deny it, the more it will be coming out sideways, in forms of irritability, stress, anxiety, avoidance behaviour, even erectile dysfunction. Go ahead and try to explain to your partner of two years why you are sporting a “floppy disk” every time you try to shag her, yet get rock hard every time you see a woman dangle her shoe somewhere in a restaurant. I dare you!

2. But even those who see, recognise, and acknowledge, at least to themselves, the fact that they are kinky, still often commit the second most common mistake of dating – refusing to act upon it. For whatever moral reasons one might imagine.

Usually, if they are dating, it is because they have decided that their GF will dump them at an instant if they tell her. And if they are single, it is because “they cannot find a kinky GF”. Truth is, NEITHER are a good or valid reason, and they are either cowards or lazy, or both. Yes, it takes a fair amount of bravery to come out and start acting upon your kinks – but that is where we, the Professionals, come in. And, contrary to general belief, MOST people survive a session. Absolute vast majority! 😊

And this particularly goes out to my millennial friends: denying your fantasies a reality check leads to a very distorted perception of yourself, your kink needs, and of the idea what your future relationships need to be…

This is why I keep telling them that most submissive guys I’ve met, and that is probably more than they’ve met, do not NEED a Dominatrix as a girlfriend. You may THINK you do, for years, and then go, have one session of two hours with a good Professional Domina, and suddenly realise how great, fulfilling yet exhausting it is and that the effect will last you another month! So you can go forth and date whomever you see fit, as long as they are understanding of your needs and kinks. Because believe you me, it is much cheaper to see Dominatrices for sessions than it is to date us!

3. And the third, and final mistake that I will describe in this post is imagining things that are not there, be it about yourself or others:

“My girlfriend asked me to take the rubbish out! Ohh ohhhh… She must be dominant, and so kinky! Thank god I found someone like that, whom I could serve with my all soul!” -- Sweetie, just because someone asked you to do something does not mean they are kinky, or dominant, or even know your middle name. By your logic your good old boss must be an outright perv as I bet he/she tells you what to do all the time!

“Oh my god, the feet of this girl are so perfect, such toes, I am so hard… Gosh, I must be such a submissive man, I need a Dominatrix as a GF ASAP… oh wait, that other girl has really nice tits… Hmmmm!!! False alarm!” -- One does not necessarily exclude another, but it would behoof you to be at least somewhat sure. Otherwise you’d appear as a complete lunatic to anyone who’d speak to you!

“My GF has never asked me to choke her – she is probably as vanilla as they get!” -- Have you ever asked your GF to do you with a strap-on? No!?? You must be as vanilla as they get...

“Mistress, I am a lowly, undeserving slave, I have this deep devotion to the Superior Sex and believe in Female supremacy, and I need a Mistress like You to serve her 24/7 and to give up my daily life to serve just Her and Her alone!” -- No, sweetie, what you ARE is a middle manager, what you HAVE is a mortgage, a car loan, a wife, two kids and a dog, and what you NEED is a pat on the back with a shovel, and if that fails, a quick lunch-time lobotomy. If you leave your daily life, who’s going to take the rubbish out upon request from your “dominant” wife???

Stop trying to label everything and everyone, stop trying to make decisions for other people, stop chasing ultra-realistic pink unicorns -- and just…talk to your partner or a professional! My name, Schroedinger’s K8, is just about that – until you open that conversation, you partner can both be kinky and not kinky at the same time. And so can you! Being kinky is just ONE side of you, I hope, and there definitely should be more to you and your personality than kink. Accept it, the same way as you have accepted your kinks. It will lead to a much more wholesome you, and a much more wholesome relationship you have, with yourself and with your partner, too!

And that is it for today, boys and girls. I know this may seem like an easy thing to write, being a Professional Dominatrix, but I have learnt through these mistakes the hard way myself… They say experience is a harsh teacher – but boy do you learn!!!

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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No that isn't incel thing! Sorry it came out this way. It is sometimes frustrating to hope that there will be someone out there to accept and love us the way we are, kinks and warts and all. Your post 12 touched a nerve a bit I think . Sorry.

Answering as Mistress K8 Morgan, k8morgan.com

Hello again, and welcome back, my kind Anonymous Reader!!! A first for me, I think, to have a conversation via blog! I am flattered, so thank you, again!

I hear you, about frustration, and I think I can sense it in your questions. And I am sorry if my past post has brought it up, again. Though, would I be correct to presume that it has never been too far from the surface, at least lately? I am afraid it is not just you, and it is not just for you that this seems so frustrating! I think anyone, myself including, who has ever come across my writings, and anyone who will do so in the future, has felt your pain…

I know I myself have! Some eight years ago, I was married, and so deeply depressed and in such a dark place I was wondering whether I, with my kinks and warts, even had the right to exist… I envied people whom I have seen as “normal��, for how much easier did they have it! They have nothing to hide, nothing to pretend, nothing to suppress… How I wanted to be normal! How I loathed myself! And how I wished I could just get rid of my kinks and quirks simply through denying, to myself and everyone, that they exist. I think most kinky people can relate to this feeling, sadly…

And then, after a strange turn of events, I realised something – I am as normal as anyone else, and as miserable as anyone, normal or not, who hates themselves because they themselves cannot accept themselves for who they are. It took almost all the strength I had back then to look at myself, and see myself, and stare at myself, until I realised that I am fine, not only I have the right to exist, I have the right to be respected, with all kinks and warts, and to be happy. It was a painful process, but it was one of those that did not kill me but made me grow, and it made me strong, and it made me proud!

And I needed that strength, and that pride: I had a deep hole to dig myself out of. I was sick of being manipulated by men and society alike to have children, so I knew I had to get myself neutered. That took colossal effort – anyone who has ever tried to do that without having three dozen children first will tell you how difficult it is. But I managed, I pushed, and I pushed, and I pushed, and one day it became hard enough!

The surgery was my first victory against the world of “normals”. The divorce from the otherwise wonderful man who couldn’t accept my kinks and quirks, and the subsequent freedom was second. And it was excruciatingly difficult. There was a moment there where I pulled through on a mere bluff. A millisecond away from folding like an origami swan and giving up. Yes, I am no Nelson Mandela, and my “Road to Freedom” probably wasn’t as meaningful for the humanity as a whole, but it was very important for me. And I felt I owed both of those to the chance thought that I, with my kinks and quirks, was valid, was great, and had a right to exist without designating myself to the gutter.

It took me a year to rebuild myself, my sense of self-worth and my self esteem around my acceptance of myself. It took probably as much to learn to love and celebrate the result, and probably twice that time to become proud. But I have never let anybody even suggest that maybe I should consider “becoming normal” ever again. And after the dust settled, I felt an inner need to become a Professional Dominatrix. To love, nurture and cherish, with pride, what I have have once loathed…

Overcompensation? Perhaps. But it hasn’t worn off yet, in six years, and I have never been happier. Actually, this week, a friend of mine has suggested that maybe my FetLife profile was in need of an overhaul. It was under my still lifestyle name, a variant on that from 8 years ago, with pictures and writings dating back to those early days of “enlightment”, when I came back from vanilla exile and embraced kink again after nearly suffocating myself in an unhappy marriage. I went back onto FetLife, and I looked at those – I looked ten years older than I do now, 8 years later, tired, and so deeply unhappy. It was shocking to see myself like that!

Old profile reminded me of those days. And it made me think, that some 8 years ago, I had a choice: to continue hating myself, my own kinks, my own warts, disrespecting my own beliefs, and denying myself the right of existence, thus being perpetually unhappy, whatever the partner, relationship, life situation – or to rise to the challenge and actually change things and turn my life around.

I have made the right choice. Every step along that path felt liberating! Now I stand tall, proud and happy. This is why I can so simply and swiftly say that it does not matter whether your partner is kinky or not. Believe me, there are enough narrow-minded kinky douchebags out there. The IMPORTANT thing is that you learn to accept, love and respect yourself, your kinks and warts. On your own. Once you see how much strength it takes, and how strong you are, and you won’t accept less from others. The moment you feel that self love and self respect you will stop taking bullshit from people…

And you will realise that a partner, or even a friend, who is respectful and accepting of who you are is more important than telling Twitter you are such-and-such mistress’s slave. This is what my previous post was about. Not everybody who is kinky needs a 24/7 kink partner. Very few people do! But every kinky person needs a respectful, understanding and accepting partner! And then you will find the way to satisfy your kink needs. Maybe that will be with a Pro Domme? Maybe that will be at a Fetish Club? Maybe that will be on online? Or maybe a proper FLR relationship?

That will depend on your needs and whether or not some of them can be mitigated simply by self-acceptance. I became a Pro Domme to satisfy mine… I liked, and still like, the variety. Now I see a lot of clients who dream about leaving their wives and families for a kinky FLR to show them that with a regular 2-3 hr session they actually become most happy individuals even within their current settings, because they have accepted their own kink and are letting it blossom. And it is certainly cheaper than most divorces would be! And you are single – telling a new partner about your kinks is a tad less risque than telling it to your wife of 15 years.

You seem to be on the right path. You are not giving up on yourself, nor on hope to find a partner and to be happy with all your kinks and warts. You are already further ahead than I once was… Press on, and may the odds be ever in your favour!

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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When even the pro dommes do not want to date us, what chance do we, submissive, even have in life?

Answering as Mistress K8 Morgan, k8morgan.com

Wait wait wait, first of all, whatever do you mean by “...even the pro dommes...”???? :))

And then, when did I say that Dommes, pro or otherwise, do not want to date submissive guys??!

If a distinguished, well-bred, well-educated intelligent, affluent, witty, charming submissive multi-millionaire were to knock on my door right now and ask me out for dinner, I’d grab my purse, put on my heels and be ready in a heart beat! Faster than my cat can run up to him and start asking for Dreamies, which is on par with light speed!

There seems to be a strange belief amongst some types of submissive guys that dominant women, professional or otherwise, OWE them a relationship?! What on Earth makes you think that? Is this some kinky incel thing?

And you have the exact same chance as any guy, submissive or not. You know the saying: “friends are life’s reward for not being an as*hole”? There is a very similar dynamic with relationships!

Yes, there are fewer dominant women out there than there are vanilla or submissive ones. Yes, we are delightfully quirky. Yes, we do have high standards. But we are not going to start lowering those standards just because you think the Universe owes you a dominant girlfriend and it is everybody else’s fault that you do not have one!

Relationships are hard. Finding great mates is hard. Heck, if finding a good tennis partner is hard, what is there to say about a relationship?! But it is hard for us all. Dominant, submissive, male, female. That is called “life”. Deal with it!!!

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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13. What qualities do Dominatrices seek in potential partners?

This is a question that will be difficult to generalise. Of course, we all seek something that we find lacking in our life, and no Domme I know lacks a challenge or a “project” to fix. But I think this is where the generalisations end, as dating is a highly individual activity. So I shall answer it from my own ivory tower.

I must say, I do have a certain kon-mari-ish approach to my dating life: if it doesn’t spark joy nor delivers some sort of benefit -- it is gone on the count of 1. Donated to the needy. Let those who are into the “fixer-uppers” have them. I do not spend my time on anything draining, that acts entitled or deficient, I have already paid my dues to the Marriage Fairy, and I have enough cats to nanny and raise.

But what are the qualities that I seek, what would make me “open a long position” on someone?

1. As a devout sapiophile, my biggest fear is boredom. I’d much rather be alone than bored. And yes, I did not use the word “lonely” as I very rarely feel that in my own company or within data coverage zone, or if I have a good book to read. So the #1 quality in my partner would have to be “intellectually capable and stimulating”, or, as a friend of mine has previously formulated, “intellectually sophisticated”. I have a very wide and somewhat eclectic range of interests, quick wit and a dry sense of humour. Ideally I’d like someone a step or two above it, but failing that, an equal would do. Which is a tall order. As a warning, small talk on couples’ dates bores me to death... I have pretended to be sick to get out of boring double dates before. But equally, I do see and appreciate the value in any opportunity to learn and of being able to think something through with somebody.

2. As I have said previously, I am a big fan of “nice guys”. No, I absolutely DO NOT mean looks by that. Nor do I expect you to be saving starving orphans in Namibia for 3 months out of the year. But being a good person, with honour and integrity, with respect for yourself and for others, is an absolute must. Kindness, too, does go a long way. Further than pretence and arrogance ever would. They say “nice guys finish last”. I am happy for them to finish with me...

3. I am a creature of comfort and convenience. All the way down to the lizard brain values. Being able to improve on what I already have and can provide for myself will be necessary. Causing inconvenience while trying to impress is a common pitfall: taking a flight for a weekend date is fun; having to take 3 connecting flights to go on a date is neither comfortable nor convenient. I do not care if it is in the Seychelles. Think it through... And if you want to impress me -- do so with a compact gift.

4. I do enjoy my “me” time, and my own company, and my “work time”. Daily small talk about what I had for lunch, just to say something, would cut into those. And I appreciate my freedom. So the ability to entertain and occupy yourself without constantly needing me as reassurance, a clown or a nanny is necessary. Sulking at me because you wanted to see me over the weekend but I had work to do and only had time for a dinner, purposelessly hogging my time, guilt-tripping me about my schedule, passive-aggressive snaps are ALL instant sackable offences. No discussions, no courts of appeals.

5. Another important quality to have would be the ability to sort yourself out. If you are looking for a girlfriend to save you from boredom, bad decisions, bad habits, alcoholism, slobbery, etc -- please either grow up before contacting me, or look elsewhere, altogether.

6. And let us not forget pride in personal appearance. No, I am not a sizist, or heightist, or weightist. Frankly, I do not mind a few extra pounds on a guy, at all! What I do mind on a guy are ketchup stains. Or any condiment stains, for that matter. Unkempt looks. Inability to look presentable, whichever the occasion. Tramp stamps. Fear of haircuts. The hands that look like he has just finished worming a pig, and the said pig has perished in that endeavour. Male jewellery, other than an understated watch. Bling. Perpetual look that he has just run out of the forest, and the forest was on fire. The “Butch Lesbian” look. The “Gay Pirate” look. The “Life Is A Gym” look, complete with a protein shake bottle. The look of “I Wanted To Be A Pimp, But Someone Has Nicked My Fedora.” “I Used To Surf When I was 20, But I Am Now 48″. Honestly, I will pick a well-dressed, well-spoken and well-presented overweight guy over a fit and buff lumberjack-wannabe any day, any time.

7. Then, of course, there are the obvious factors: must love cats, must be child-free, must be unattached, must appreciate classical music and nice dinners out.

As you can see, these are quite individualistic. And there are plenty of women out there looking to rescue a guy, or, failing that, a dog or a barn animal; or women in need of help to watch TV or Netflix; or women with the lumberjack fetish... Or those who expect to get attached at the hip and never leave your sight. Ever. Again... So, there is hope for us all! :)

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schroedingersk8 · 5 years

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12. Do I, as a Dominatrix, only date submissive men?

The answer will be a simple and straightforward “NO”. More so, when it comes to Dominatrices, especially Professional Dominatrices – and yes, I do not know them all, but I know enough – I think it is fair to say that, and I cannot stress it enough,

NO DOMINATRIX WILL EVER DATE YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE SUBMISSIVE.

Not even if you truly are submissive. This isn’t some gold standard, nor some silver bullet, some “promised land” that is a guarantee for you to find a girlfriend. If you are an ineffective loser or a douchebag of a person, no amount of “submissive labelling” will polish that turd.

Most of us date personalities, and persons, not their “submissiveness” nor “dominance. As a matter of fact, telling a Pro Domme you are a submissive guy looking for a relationship in 99.9% of the cases will send you directly to a blacklist/spam folder.

At the very least, I have never, in my entire life, met one that would consider dating a guy based on his submissiveness. “Hello, Mistress, my name is Paul, I am submissive, we should get married now, because it has always been my dream”… Maybe an imaginary “Findom” of Twitter would, but that affection will stretch only as far as your wallet. And it is astounding for all of us, Dommes, involved in this type of “searches” as to how many men confuse the term “submissive” with the term “useless” – a topic that I will discuss in part 2 (post 13).

And let’s face it, boys, being submissive has never been a unique selling proposition, has it? A penny for a bucket, on most street corners. The majority will also come with such a heavy load of personal issues, social ineptness, various other complications that using “submissive” in a chat-up line is pretty much a self-excluding filter.

And keep in mind, most of the “submissive” guys who have contacted me have never been nor become actual clients, of myself or other Dommes. And no, I have never, personally, dated a submissive man because he was submissive.

At this point, a guy approaching me for a relationship “ because I am Dominant” and treating his “submissiveness” as a benefit, will deal with a blunt and swift rejection. I have 0 need nor interest to “take work home with me” and I am very happy with the kink release and entertainment my clients currently provide. And if to bring hard numbers to the table, so far less than 10% of my dating has been with submissive guys. Interesting, isn’t it?

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