#if I’m right they really went for the double whammy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stuckonstarker · 1 year

Text

It was Peter’s first day in this biochemistry class and he was already having the worst time. The seating arrangement was so that four people would sit at a table. Most of the tables in the room already had at least one person sitting at them.

Peter walked past, avoiding the other students’ perceived glares. He had flashbacks to high school, where most kids avoided him like the plague.

This was even worse. He didn’t even have Ned to fall back on, since they went to different colleges.

Peter picked a seat in the very back, mostly due to it being the only table with no one at it.

Optimistically, or more accurately, naively, he hoped that once the Professor started the lecture things would be better. He was dreadfully wrong.

Peter was alone at his table when class officially started. He tried to ignore the sharp sting in his chest as he realized he was the only one sitting alone.

Even worse, the professor was awful. They spent most of the time going through slides, barely explaining them, and moving on too quickly to take meaningful notes. They droned on and on about the unimportant things.

Peter sighed. Was attendance really mandatory for this? Three hours of a man who had long since checked out going over the textbook word-for-word. Great.

Just then, as Peter was lamenting dropping the class altogether, someone barged into the classroom.

He moved forward confidently and without care. He examined the room briefly before striding over to the empty seat next to Peter. He plopped down and whispered, “I’m Tony.”

“Peter.” He whispered it soft as a mouth. But judging by Tony’s nodding, he heard. Peter was silently thankful that at least someone sat next to him. Even if that someone entered like a drama queen.

The class moved on with the same boring slideshow that did nothing to further Peter’s education.

“This guy’s a total hack,” Tony whispered.

Peter laughed softly, a breath would more accurately describe it. “I can’t believe I’m paying for this,” he responded.

Tony said, “Shit, you should totally drop the class then. My dad’s paying for mine. It’s mostly for show.”

“Aren’t you lucky.”

“Hey,” Tony said, “if you wanna deal with my dad’s raging bullshit, I’ll call him up right now.”

Peter said, “Wanna trade? I don’t have a dad.”

“Oh, damn, that’s a low blow.”

“And I don’t have a mom.”

“Double whammy,” Tony said, making an over-the-top grimace. “You win,” he said.

Peter smiled, “Didn’t know it was a competition.”

“Everything’s a competition with me.”

“Are you two done?” The Professor called out, putting a spotlight on them. As if they were even teaching in the first place. Everyone’s eyes landed on them in an instant.

Peter’s face went piping hot immediately. He knew, from experience, he must’ve been the shade of strawberries.

Tony called back, “Just give us another minute, please.”

Students around him either snickered or glared. Tony didn’t seem to mind either way.

The professor raised their brows, “Mr. Stark, is it? You’re very lucky to have a father who can pay for your education. Not everyone has that opportunity.” The professor gave a pointed look at Peter, “Isn’t that right, Mr. Parker?”

Peter opened his mouth, to apologize probably, but Tony beat him to the punch.

“Taking this class is the furthest thing from luck I’ve ever experienced.” Tony asked, “Do you even know how to teach? Or do you just know how to press the arrows on your keyboard?”

Peter had to admit, Tony was being a raging asshole. But, something about that was charming. Peter kept his mouth shut and his head down, but Tony could afford to be more bold. And that enticed Peter in a very dangerous way.

The professor only shook their head and continued with the lecture. If you could call it a “lecture.”

Tony leaned back in his chair.

“You’re acting like a highschooler,” Peter said.

Tony said, “I should be in high school.”

“What?”

Tony paused, then said, “I’m technically supposed to be a senior in high school but I got high enough scores they let me into college early.”

“That’s awesome!” Peter whispered.

Tony gave Peter a look. Quietly, he said, “Thank you.”

Peter was beyond thankful when that class ended. He was definitely going to try and drop it.

He walked through the campus, looking for his busted up, piece of junk car.

“Peter!”

He stopped. Was someone calling for him? No, he didn’t really know anybody on campus.

“Peter!”

Okay, someone was definitely calling for him. He turned and saw Tony jogging toward him.

“Hi, Tony,” Peter said with a smile.

Tony gave a breathless laugh, “Hi.” He had his hands on his knees, lurched over. He looked like he might puke.

Peter reached toward him, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Tony said, waving his hand and shaking his head. He took a deep breath. He stood up, but staggered a little.

Peter laughed a little, both out of built up nervousness and amusement at Tony’s behavior.

Tony said, “We should go out sometime.”

Peter smiled. He was about to say, Sure! That sounds fun. But, like a train colliding with a bus, Peter wondered if Tony was hitting on him. No, he thought, that’s a very vain thing to think. And asking Tony for clarification would be awkward.

“What do you mean by out?” Peter asked.

Tony said, “You know... you, me, out.”

“How old are you?”

Tony looked up at him with hopeful brown eyes, “Eighteen?”

“You’re not eighteen,” Peter said. It was obvious.

Tony said, “I’ll be eighteen in a few months.”

“Tony, I’m twenty,” Peter said.

Tony said, “Don’t make me beg. Cause I will.”

“Tony-”

“Do you want me to beg?” Tony said, “Fine, I’ll beg.” He got down on his knees and clasped his hands in front of Peter, mimicking a prayer almost. He said, “Peter Parker, please go out with me. Please. I’ll do anything.”

People walking by gave them unusual looks, but Tony wasn’t affected in the slightest. He just continued his pleas.

Peter felt like he was going to combust. So, to end his humiliation, he said, “Fine! Fine, just stand up already.”

Tony popped up easily and smiled, “Here’s my number. I’ll text you the details.” Then, like that, he was gone.

Peter looked at the hastily scribbled number and wondered, What the fuck just happened?

#starker #max writes #ignore my total lack of biochem class knowledge #im an english major ok #should i put on ao3

235 notes · View notes

starfxkr · 24 days

Note

Hey moony idk if this is the right place to talk about this stuff (pls ignore this if it isn’t or if it’s too much in any way) but I kind of struggle with my femininity I’m not overly feminine or not like I guess I don’t present as very traditionally feminine with a really short haircut and I’m really tall (almost 6’0) and the way I dress but at the same time I am very girly on the inside in terms of general preferences and interests sometimes and it’s hard to balance and be perceived authentically if that makes sense so I often just kind of feel like an imposter in every territory lol sorry for the weird rant I just feel like I’m at this weird crossroad and that I should have this stuff figured out at my age but I really don’t

this is actually the exact right place to talk about it because i once went on a longgggg rant about this at 3am lol

but i do also very much struggle with my femininity and i got a double whammy bc im black so ppl automatically view me as more masculine, and like right now the current thing thats praised is hyperfemininity and if you don't present that way you can be quickly disregarded as "not a girls girl" without people giving you a chance its infuriating

im also at a crossroads of discovering what femininity means to me and how much i even wanna participate in it? like tbh big big reason i made this blog and developed my readers the way that i did is because it felt like there was a lack of readers who existed on the spectrum of femininity. and i wanted more people to see themselves so thats why my reader really are not super hyper girls accept for like 2 the rest i have them ebb and flow because i think most people ebb and flow.

#✨.txt

7 notes · View notes

mxtxfanatic · 1 year

Text

Xie Lian saw that they had no intention of donating funds, so he went to put the sign back down and said, “Nan Feng, your words just now aren’t right. In the world, a person’s dispositions and strange encounters are countless. ‘Odd’ doesn’t necessarily equate to ‘dangerous’. One would know, to another’s eyes, I must seem odd as well. But, do either of you feel that I’m dangerous?”

—Chapt. 19: Within Pu Qi Monastery, Strange Tales of Ban Yue Pass (Part Three)

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” and all that, but what’s funny is that actually, Xie Lian is dangerous but is just really not quick to jump to anger or violence, but these fools translate that mellowness as “harmless.” But also the double whammy of San-lang being dangerous, too, but only to the two idiots who keep accidentally stepping on Xie Lian’s goodwill. Anyways, they’ll learn eventually 🤗

#human reads tgcf: take 1.5

13 notes · View notes

greentrickster · 2 years

Text

While waiting for votes on whether Cyrus is getting a shiny eevee or a regular one come in, it’s Volo time! Finally! Only took me, what, three posts more than it probably should have? >_>U

As I mentioned, one of the things Cyrus spent a lot of time thinking about in Distortion World was what to do about the fact that Volo is required to make reparation to Cyrus. Because, even if he doesn’t have anything he actually wants from the guy, or even necessarily feels like he deserves (did he text his therapist while he was in Distortion World a little bit? Oh yeah), he doesn’t want to leave the guy trapped by some… debt, or whatever this counts as.

He’s had a rough half a year or so, but, for all that, Cyrus had a pretty good new start in the Pokemon World thanks to Red and Blue’s initial support and the community welcoming him has a result. He’s basically had a second chance at learning how to express and deal with his emotions, again with people who tend to have very high expectations, but also a lot more flexibility and understanding in them. Less a constant expectation of perfection at all times, more encouragement to go farther because they think he’s capable of doing great things. Cyrus was pretty confused, shy, and shut down when he first arrived thanks to the double-whammy of portals he just fell through on top of having crap brain chemistry thanks to depression and not enough social interaction to start with, and wasn’t in a state to travel until a couple days after Red found him.

After that, he ended up staying with Blue for a decent amount of time while he found his feet, during which time they both learned that he’s good with machines, can be a reliable lab assistant, and is a pretty skilled trainer. I think the community all sort of pitched in to provide for him until he was able to provide for himself, and that Red escorted him around that League season to get a full set of Indigo League badges so he’d be qualified to work as a trainer at Blue’s gym. (Red went as both emotional support and to explain to other gym leaders what was going on with Cyrus.) He’s currently got his own apartment not far from the gym in the same building as some of the other local trainers, and it’s pretty nice. Blue got him some glow-in-the-dark stars so he could make constellations on his ceiling, because Blue is Skilled at getting trollish presents that Cyrus actually likes a lot.

Red thinks Blue is terrible.

Blue thinks Red is just jealous because he can’t put glow-in-the-dark stars on his cave ceiling without potentially damaging the natural rock formations.

Blue is right, but Red is never going to sign so.

And all this means that Cyrus has been in a good environment to learn kindness. Which is why he’s doing his best to figure out what to do about the Volo situation as quickly as he can, and finally decides that his fellow trainers were right, and there’s one person that Volo probably hasn’t apologized to but really should.

...and I will get to that conversation tomorrow, I swear, but it’s almost two in the morning and I’m so sleepy, this AU is pulling a Saturation on me and sneaking in more stuff I want to talk about every time I turn around, it’s not fair! Fun, but unfair! TT_TT

#red blue and cyrus too AU #pokemon cyrus #pokemon red #pokemon blue #bdsp spoilers #arceus spoilers #pokemon firered #pokemon diamond and pearl #pokemon brilliant diamond #pokemon platinum #pokemon volo #hashtag let green get this dang Volo and Cyrus conversation written 2022 #also cast your votes if you think Cyrus's future sylveon should be shiny or not #please

21 notes · View notes

ecoamerica · 1 month

Text

youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

12K notes · View notes

bthump · 2 years

Note

Can you imagine a scenario where Guts mercy kills post-torture Griffith? What would be the main reason for doing this? Could he live with himself afterwards? What would he do?

This topic can really easily fall into extremely ableist territory, which I’m sure isn’t your intent, but I want to be careful about how I answer this and the implications here. So right off the bat I wanna say that if we’re talking like, Guts unilaterally deciding Griffith’s life isn’t worth living with his disabilities and killing him “for his own good” or whatever, I can’t even begin to imagine a scenario where that happens. Guts just straight up would never do that in my opinion, and if he somehow did it would be a very monstrous act, and offensive to depict as reasonable in any way imo.

And like, at no point in the story does anyone consider that Griffith might be better off dead, except Griffith and four manipulative demon demi gods, and with Griffith we were shown the potential he had to come to terms with his situation and live with it, if it weren’t for the double whammy of Wyald and Casca telling Guts to leave. Both from a pure character point of view, with Griffith’s calm acknowledgement that his dream is over as they travel away from Midland, and from a narrative point of view with how strong the sense of missed opportunities is in the lead-up to the Eclipse, like Griffith asking for his armour instead of letting Guts take off his helmet, and pointedly sleeping through Guts telling Casca he wants to stay with him.

A LOT of factors went into his suicide attempt and moment of despair, and I think the story conveys a strong impression that everything had to happen the exact way it did to cause the Eclipse, and that if fate didn’t exist and things happened another way, Griffith could’ve found contentment in a life with Guts without his dream or tongue. After all, if Griffith was inevitably doomed to misery and despair, there’d be no tension to Guts realizing he should never have left and wondering what he can do now as he chases him to the pond. There’d be no point in Guts realizing he should stay this time around. The narrative tension resides in the fact that there’s still the theoretical possibility for happiness for them, up to the point of the sacrifice.

So all that said, if we’re talking about more of an assisted suicide scenario where Griffith asks Guts to kill him because he can’t kill himself, I can imagine Guts briefly considering it out of loyalty, but I still can’t really imagine him going through with it. Guts is just too much of an optimist. He would wholeheartedly believe that Griffith would get through the despair and ultimately be okay - and based on the narrative framing of the post-torture to eclipse sequence, he’d be right imo.

Like I could maybe see Casca obeying an order to kill him, but not Guts.

Pretty much the only scenario I can imagine Guts mercy killing Griffith would be if Griffith was dying an inevitable slow and painful death, and wanted Guts to end it quickly. Like an AU where germs exist in the Berserk universe and Griffith’s flayed skin is an actual problem lol. And if that was the case I think he’d feel most of his sense of responsibility for Griffith’s death in his choice to leave the Hawks, rather than in ending his life then. And then he’d go back to roaming battlefields looking for someone strong enough to kill him imo.

Lol I feel like that’s my answer in basically every scenario where Guts kills Griffith: the wolves all over again. Back to throwing himself at death over and over until death finally wins.

Thanks for the ask!

#ask #anonymous #scene: pre eclipse #headcanons #alternate universe #a #b

34 notes · View notes

buytheticket · 2 years

Text

i moved AND had my meta consult

i had my consult on 6/22 and have been wanting to write about it but i haven’t had a chance to sit and really collect my thoughts since i had to hustle on my move (moved in with my bf, it’s been really wonderful but that’s for another post)

read more for my detailed experience with the consult

my surgeon (dr Purohit) practices out of mount sinai so i had to go down to the city. it was an all day event- the train time i was able to get and the time of the appointment meant that i needed to take off work. my boyfriend and i took the train down to nyc. i had a bit of a sour start because my time anxiety kicked in and i was afraid we’d miss the train but we had plenty of time and my bf was really reassuring and i felt immediatly better as soon as we pulled into the station’s parking lot

it was a really nice ride i really enjoy taking the train. the route goes right along the hudson river. saw so many bald eagles, herons, and cranes that i lost count! also got super stoned and relaxed on the ride down

i also took the time (the trip was just under 3 hours) to review the questions i had for the surgeon (i need to transcribe them, i wrote down a lot) to make sure i covered everything i could possibly think of

we got into the city around 11 and went straight to a diner since we didnt get a chance to eat before we left. it was pretty good! we had some time to kill before the appointment so we took the subway to greenwich village because i thought it’d be interesting to check out where stonewall is since neither of us had been. i’d never been to that area of manhatten so walking around the area was cool (ended up seeing a lot since we kept getting turned around the whole trip lol) stonewall inn was very unassuming as i had heard but it was also cool just to see it in person once. i was kinda hoping for a more indepth idk monument? i think i should just find a queer history museum. there’s gotta be one lol

we didn’t stay long since i had to take a piss and it was impossible to find a bathroom so we decided to head up to the dr’s office (ended up finding one in a subway station and a guard had to buzz me in and the stall was like something out of a movie lol)

as we got closer to the office and appointment time i started getting more and more anxious and irritable. i also skipped my adderall and my patience level plummets and i’m more susceptible to moodiness if something is stressful or challenging to me so it was kinda a double whammy.

my bf was such a angel though- i was getting stressed out trying to navigate so he took over and guided us and we had a good talk before my appointment about why i was feeling so moody and that helped too.

on the walk over to the office i got incredibly anxious. like the worst i’d been in a long, long time. meeting a new medical professional always gives me anxiety especially when it’s for transition related care. plus like hearing about some negative experiences with some staff and just like the general state of the world i was pretty much a walking wreck

we got lost going into the office and wound up in an apartment building. very funny in retrospect but i was like pissed off and having a melt down! my bf was very kind and helpful and we made it to the office (it was one door over but the office and apartment shared a street number. confusing!)

i checked in and we sat down and my bf held my hand and helped keep me calm. i had been so worried that they would turn me away and cancel my appointment! a few days before i got a call from the office saying that my insurance was out of network. i had brought this up when i scheduled and sent over what my insurance needed for prior authorization so someone fucked up and for once it wasn’t me lol

they called me back and i hopped up on the table. dr purohit’s fellow came in with a nurse who was taking notes i think. i think he was from eastern europe based on his name and accent and he was learning how to do metas! he asked me some questions and i threw a ton of mine at him lol but he answered them all!

or tried to lol when i said i want to keep at least an ovary he was confused why and my bf helped explain that us trans folk might not always have access to t because of the way of things rn and that was a pretty interesting experience! i hope it was a teaching moment. i think dr’s should really be in step with current events and be advocates, know what their patients have to deal with day to day and truly strive to be an ally

dr purohit came in after a bit (he was wrapping up another appoint which i didnt mind at all! i feel it means he makes sure everything is covered) and wow! i really like him and he made me feel so at ease and it was incredibly reassuring. i knew right away that he was gonna do everything to get as close to my needs as possible

i gave him a run down of what i wanted (simple release, mons resection, no ul/v-ectomy/scrotoplasty) and we had like a real convo!

then i had to drop my drawers so he could see what he was working with. this was my first time having to show my cock n balls to a medical professional. really wasnt bad at all! very professional touch. but like the fellow was observing and the dr was going over my configuration with him. i have “substantial growth” of my clit

like i have a medically certified hog, 100% usda grade a beef, baby! pretty sure i gave my bf some kind of shit eating expression when i heard the dr say that. like...it was very affirming tbh!

it was very quick and after i pulled my pants up we jumped into an overview of the meta process. he broke down all my possible options and went over everything in detail and explained possible pros and cons and reasonings for each option/his technique. my bf took notes and i will try and transcribe them. i think it’s very useful info for anyone seeking a meta- there are so many different options! you really can pick and choose what you want (so long as your ok with risks. like a ul with no v-ectomy has like a 50% to 70% rate of fistula development. the body is weird!)

we also went over what the procedure would be like and what i should do to prep. he gave me a “poor man’s pump” ( i said it was DIY! very punk rock) - a 50ml syringe that he said to saw the tip off and use the plunger to create the seal (i’ll take a pic [just the pump], easier to show than tell). never thought i’d be pumping my dick but it’s dr’s orders!

he even called the gyno (dr tran) who wll be doing my hysto to ask about her opinion on me keeping an ovary and she said it def was a good option so i will keep one (the one opposite of the one my bf kept lol) i was also worried about vagina prolapse if i get my cervix removed but she said the risk was very very low (i’ve also been doing pelvic floor exercises to ease my mind lol). she was nice to talk with too and i’m looking forward to meeting her in person

but yea it was really great to meet dr purohit and it was really reassuring to do my consult and i felt so much better after

we wrapped up with him and the patient liaison came in and she gave us a run down of the next steps. i had a letter from my pcp and my therapist recommending me for the procedure. i still need to do thru their psych and social worker and md...she took my letters though and acknowledge that the process was silly and frustrating (my therapist says the hospital prob does this to get more money from insurance companies lmao the gall of these fuckers)

i’m in touch with their trans clinic and playing phone tag to get the appointments set up. i can do the social worker appoint over the internet but i need to see the md and the psych in person plus a pre-op appointment with the dr. hopefully i can get the psych and md appointments in one day. i’ll also need to stay in the city for at least a week post-op. i have my fingers crossed my insurance coverage will go smooth (my copay would be $75....) so i can budget for a nice room with a kitchenette.

we got outta the office and took a sec to like gather our thoughts! i wasn’t expecting it to be so emotional but i was getting choked up throughout the rest of the evening and ended up taking the following day off work; i was exhausted

(i got my other appointments set up but i had this sitting in my drafts so i’ll end this one here and do another post for all that)

#meta process #ftm #entry 3 #trans observations and thoughts

6 notes · View notes

inventors-fair · 2 years

Text

Name of the Game Full Commentary

Hey everyone! Here’s the full commentary for the Name of the Game contest! There were a whole lot of good entries this week, so really give yourself a pat on the back. I was quite pleased with how it turned out.

I’m not surprised that more of y’all chose to go with “gathering” than “magic” but I am surprised by just how high the ratio ended up being. And frankly, I was expecting more of you to try and use both words, I’m surprised only one of you did, though I think “tragic gathering” counts in spirit if not in body. (Relatedly, I was also surprised by the number of murder mysteries I got but that’s neither here nor there). Anyway, I’ve had a really hard past couple days already and I’m up late so that’s enough of the intro. Let’s get on with it.

Gathering Storm by @fractured-infinity

This runs into similar issues to Obscura Ascendancy, it just feels so slow to get going. I do think the spell-copying is a much better reward than the Ascendancy’s spirits, and I like how it draws you into more spell’s when you’ve gotten going. The problem there, I think, is that after you’ve already made it up to cmc 4 it’s gonna feel real bad going back down to one. I think at that point, it should really just sacrifice itself not remove the counters and start over.

Family Gathering by @snugz

I think some kind of cmc restriction would do a lot to help this card. As-is, you’re too often gonna be trying to game the system by cheating out something really early and I think it does that too easily. Especially in commander. You’ve really gotta be careful with tutor-to-the-battlefield effects.

Gather the Flock by @wolkemesser

This is presumably in a set with bird tribal and this looks like quite a strong card for that. It can act as removal even without being kicked, which I assume is the intention since otherwise it could just be “deals X damage” or something. I don’t love that sometimes you’ll pump a bunch of mana into this only for your opponent to sac the creature you target or something and then you’ll lose out on all the birds; it feels like you should be able to get the birds no matter what. But other than that tweak, I think this is quite a cool card.

Magical Gathering by @scavenger98

Art Description: A dark cave. Five figures stand around the far side of a scrying pool, beneath which a menacing shadow can be seen. The warlock, who appears to be a vampire, has pricked his finger and held it aloft over the water, blood dripping onto the surface. The wizard's right eye glows with blue magic as she kneels, observing the ripples. A snake is wrapped around the orcish druid's shoulders, facing her ear as if whispering to her. The goblin shaman observes the ripples much like the wizard, only they have tapped the water with their fire-tipped staff, further disturbing its surface and generating steam. Between them all, the cleric holds his hand aloft, casting pale yellow light for the party to see by.

Mood: Shared wondrous discovery

Eyy, you went for the double whammy. This is a cool card, and I absolutely love the flavor, but I’m less enamored by how it plays. You’re encouraged to collect a all five of the different creature types, which I think is a fun challenge, but I think you’d be better off encouraging having them on the battlefield rather than in your hand. As-is, there will be a lot of times where you’ll be keeping cards in your hand trying to cast this later, and that tends to not be especially fun.

Recursive Magic by @industrialsalad

I don’t know if this quiiite works within the rules? It might, but it’s a little weird if so. A way to accomplish something very very similar to this though that works a lot better might be “Whenever you cast spell, you may pay that spell’s mana cost. If you do, copy that spell. You may choose new targets for the copy.” Minor wording tweaks aside though, I quite like this. The name makes sense and the “magic” doesn’t feel forced at all. (I was a little worried about that with this contest, but everyone did quite well). It seems like a fun card to play but it makes you put in the work to get the payoff. It might need to be bumped up to 4 mana, cause it does a lot, but honestly it might also be okay.

Tragic Gathering by @hypexion

Love the rhyming lol. And I like it! simple and flavorful. Who doesn’t love a murder mystery. I really don’t have much to say about it; I don’t see any play pattern issues, or power level issues, or flavor issues. It seems like a good card.

Boggart Gathering by @hiygamer

This reads like it’s building up to a big effect, but really that effect is more of a downside. If you’re sitting around with eight goblins, things are probably going the way you want them to and you don’t want the board wiped. And I’ll admit, that did sour my opinion of the card at first just cause it didn’t read the work the way I expected, but on reevaluation I think I quite like it. And I love the flavor here- when you get too many goblins in one place, things tend to get rather destructive. All around, fun card, fun flavor, a bit weird that it’s probably at its worst in a goblin deck. That feels off.

Gathering Dust by @memnite-shyamalan

This just seems quite weak, all things considered. For one thing, when I have no cards in hand is probably most when I want to be drawing cards, so I’m not even sure how much I’d even use that effect. And even when I do use it, it’s just a token and a random card back, which very well might not even be better than whatever was already on top of your library. It’s all just kinda… meh. It definitely doesn’t have the splash or the power i’d hope for in a mythic.

Gatewatch Gathering by @gollumni

This is rather blunt- go get a planeswalker and an “Oath of ____”- but I don’t think that bluntness is a bad thing necessarily. Being able to go get certain oaths seems rather useful for a superfriends deck, so I like putting the effect on a card you might want to play in superfriends. I do, however, think it doesn’t quite fit the flavor. This feels more like “join the gatewatch”; I’d expect “gatewatch gathering” to be able to nap multiple planeswalkers

Wolfpack Gathering by @deejaymasterflex223

I quite like the design, but I don’t think this should enable itself. It makes it a bit too trivial to get a large number of wolves- always a minimum of three, and very easily more. And since this card can have a high ceiling, I think it should have a lower floor. I like this card more limited to specifically wolf/werewolf decks. (And it might be worth bumping down the cost a little in doing that). Otherwise, I think this is sweet. It seems like a fun card in wolf and werewolf decks, and is easily something i could see printed.

Illusive Gathering by @beandrea99

This is a good name for this effect, and vice versa. Make a couple illusion tokens, Sure! I do think this should only trigger on combat damage to players though, not to anything. I think it draws you just a little too easily. Otherwise though, this seems like a fine, printable card.

Gathering Clouds by @nine-effing-hells

Seems like a cool little control piece. You tap down a bunch of stuff to buy yourself time to build up a bunch of counters and go for the win. I do worry that it’s a little too slow at building up to the win, and since control decks love using as few wincons as possible, since they can and that’s technically optimal. So that seems a bit problematic. The other thing is that this just has a whole big wall of text and doesn’t work the way I’d expect it to (counting total power equal to the number of counters instead of simply tapping a number of creatures equal to the power, though I do think that’s a good choice balancingwise), but really that’s more of a me issue than it is an issue with the card.

Blood Magic by @starch255

So first of all, great name. It’s hard to use “Magic” in a name, since everything you do is technically a spell, it’s all magic. But “Blood Magic” is a very evocative phrase so it works well. I quite like the card mechanically too; madness is a cool mechanic, and this is a fun way to enable it without requiring it. My main issue is with the Blood making ability. I’m quite worried about the fact that this can come down early as turn one and make you a whole bunch of blood tokens. That seems extremely abusable. Sure it costs you a bunch of life, but if you’re really abusing a huge influx of artifacts that won’t matter too much. That ability really wants a limitation to make it a slower influx of blood. Otherwise though, this is quite cool.

Gather Round by @nine-effing-hells

This requires a veerrry specific set to exist in, what with the verse counter and all. And even in that set, it requires a very specific board state to use to its full potential. However, you’re probably pretty happy with it even if you can only get two of the modes (assuming verse counters are a useful mode here). And if you can only get one you don’t like it but you might do it. So all in all, this seems like a good way of going about with this effect. Having +1/+1 counters as a minimum means this’ll never be 100% dead which I like.

Gargantuan Gathering by @grornt

I think this is just a bit too much card draw for not enough hoops or investment. Even if this only had the first part of the first ability, it would be decent (though on par with some other stuff we’ve had, even below par). But the added ability to double up on the effect for really big creatures just feels like too much. And that’s not to mention the additional mode of being a creature (which admittedly I don’t expect would be used all that often).

Gathering Swarm by @helloijustreadyourpost

This seems solid. There’s been various stuff kinda like this over the years but never this exactly, and I could easily see this being a thing. It’s possible the numbers might need tweaking? But it’s also possible they might stay right as they are, I could see this being fine. It’s probably a bit more of a rare than an uncommon, but otherwise seems fine and fun.

Gather the Suspects by @horsecrash

I think the cost reduction ability has just a few too many possibilities, I’d narrow that down a skosh. Not from a mechanical sense, but from a flavor one. When you’re batching stuff together, it’s always tempting to include more for the sake of flavor, but with stuff like this, less is more. I could see “Assassins, Rogues, and Ninjas” easily, or any one or two of those creature types + creatures with flash maybe, depending on what the set looks like, but not all three + flash. And shapeshifters feel like a bit of an odd one out, though I see the flavor your going for. That nitpicking aside though, this is another good demonstration of a murder mystery whodunnit. (We got a lot of those this week, huh).

Gathering of the Archmagi by @curiooftheheart

I’d change the cost reduction ability from revealing a Wizard in your hand to having Wizards on the battlefield (with some changes to the overall costing- maybe 5UUU, at a random first guess?). For a couple reasons. One, flavorfully this just doesn’t feel quite like a “gathering”. You only need one wizard. Two, mechanically, asking you to have stuff in hand just doesn’t feel right for this card. Generally it’s just better to encourage having stuff on the field than in your hand cause that way encourages you to actually play your stuff; there are 100% many exceptions to this guideline, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think this card is right to make one. Cause this is clearly a late game card, for when you have a lot of mana and not enough stuff to do with it. The other thing I’d change, more minorly, is just to add a “for the rest of the game, you have no maximum hand size”. This is a mythic, it can afford it easily.

Gathering Storm by @azathoth-the-bored

I quite like the idea. I’ve always been a fan of generic tribal effects, and this card uses one of those effects in a very neat way. A board wipe which requires you to already have a large board state that it’ll then wipe out is always a bit odd, so the part about the graveyard makes for a very interesting addition. I’m unsure if it’s enough though. What might work is to rework this a bit so that it doesn’t just count your creatures but instead looks at the greatest number of creatures any one player controls that share a creature type. (I’m unsure how to word that but I know it can be done). That keeps a similar flavor, but makes it a tribal hate card or a card that could still be used in the situations it works in in the current form. The name also isn’t working for me, I don’t see where the “storm” comes from.

Animate Magic by @minopug

This looks like quite a well made 1 mana counter spell. It seems useful, but has a significant enough downside that it’s not better than all the alternatives. Early on, they’ll make a 1/1 or a 2/2 that hopefully shouldn’t be hard to deal with in combat, and later on you might snag a big haymaker spell, and they’ll get a big vanilla beatstick but that’s probably better for you than whatever they were casting. That’s the downside you get, for only having to leave one mana up. Seems fair, and really I’m surprised this hasn’t already been made. I don’t quite get why the elemental is green, but I don’t think that’s a bad choice either. And you might be able to get away with this at uncommon? Cause limited is where that creature is gonna matter the most, generally.

#mtg #magic the gathering #inventors' fair #name of the game #commentary #monday blog

5 notes · View notes

ghostbustershq · 8 months

Text

Let's Build the Fanhome Ecto-1: Issue 29 (Stages 107 through 110)

The build is back!

When Eaglemoss went under just about a year ago in July, I feared the worst for my subscription Ecto-1 build. The kit was a whole lot of fun. And, if you followed along with our builds on the Ghostbusters Interdimensional Crossrip podcast, Chris and I had a great chat every time we would sit and work on our models. It was a double-whammy to have lost the flow of subscription kits and to lose that amazing time with Chris. It sure seemed like a lot of us were going to be stuck with half (or less) built Ecto-1 models.

Enter the good folks at Fanhome, who have taken over the licenses from Eaglemoss and resurrected the subscriptions from the dead. You can now sign up to start from issue one, or pick up from where you may have left off with Eaglemoss and continue via Fanhome. Fanhome has made it super easy to pick which issue you need to begin with and their intuitive website and responsive customer service have been a breath of fresh air.

With the podcast having switched to a more infrequent model, I’ve decided to detail my builds here on the news blog hopefully as reference for those who may need it or for a quick overview for those of you who may be on the fence about joining the club. The model is amazing in quality, and Fanhome gives you all the tools that you need (with a few expendable exceptions like painters tape that I’ll get into a bit later here). If you’re a lot like me and you need 20-30 minutes of downtime to just follow instructions and enter a zen meditative state, this build is for you. It’s just challenging enough to make it fun without being frustrating and, as the end results start to come together, having your own faithful 1:8 scale Ecto sitting on shelf sure is cool as hell.

Fanhome was kind enough to send over a new initial kit, which we’ll be building here on the HQ in the future, but for now - I’m going to pick up with where I left off a year ago, with Issue 29 (Stages 107 through 110), which comprises parts of the left and right rear wheel wells, and the ‘59 Miller Meteor Ecto-1’s iconic red tail fins.

WIth that, let’s crack into it, eh?

When Issue 29 arrived, I cackled with glee. Again, not thinking that this model would ever see completion, getting a box in the mail from Fanhome was a treat. Fanhome sends your monthly subscription in a brilliant purple package, another step beyond the generic mailers that would come from Eaglemoss. The company is really making your monthly shipments a grand event, and it’s pretty cool.

The first thing you’ll notice with this issue’s shipment is that it includes a revised passenger front door. Eaglemoss had mistakenly sent out their kits with a passenger mirror recessed in the initial stage and had been promising a fixed door to those who waited. When it didn’t look like Eaglemoss was coming back, I went ahead and built out the door that I had been sent and attached it to the body of the car — so I’m not entirely sure what to do. Pulling the door off at this point would be a pretty dramatic overhaul. But if I’m going to do it, now’s going to be the chance. I set the revised door aside and… I’ll make that decision later. Worst case, I have an Ecto with a stem for a passenger mirror. Ha!

The door conundrum aside, Stage 107 is pretty straight-forward and a relative breeze. The right rear fender “crown” has just two steps. But key on this one is that the chrome trim at the top of the fin doesn’t attach permanently at this point in the build, so you have to be careful not to lose both it and the rear trim. If you plow through the whole issue, it isn’t that big of a deal. But if you pace yourself out and only do one stage at a time, don’t forget it’s another piece you need to set aside for later. Pro-tip: I have a gallon-sized Ziplock that I set aside which contains only the parts that you’ve set aside for later (things like the steering wheel, etc.). If I know I’m going to have to come back to it later, into the Ziploc it goes.

Stage 108, the Right Rear Reflector and Outer Light Lens is also pretty straightforward and cruises by in a snap. The one thing to look out for on this stage is that the outside inner lens is a very small clear piece that isn’t seated in the tray too well when you open it. Chances are, it will pop out when you open up the package and blends into its surroundings with relative ease. At first, I thought my kit was missing the lens but later discovered it floating in the tray.

Also a curious last step to this stage, you have to replace two screws on either side of the car’s body with flatter machine screws than what were initially installed. I’m thinking this was a course correct for an error that may have popped up earlier in the build. And, when you attach the whole completed part to the body of the car, it actually makes a lot of sense that you need a good flush connection to hold all the plastic pieces against the body of the car.

Stage 109 is where the challenge of this particular issue comes into play. The rear fins have two main pieces with two horizontally mirroring rear tail lights. And, while the assembly of the pieces in this stage isn’t the hardest of steps (that continues to be building the engine at the beginning of the build), the wiring to get the LED wires and bulbs into the tail lights is a bit tricky. You have to pull one of the wires marked R off of your assembled body and wire it into this piece. It took me a bit of trial and error but I found that bending the wire behind the bulb lens slightly to fish the bulb into the housing was a good first step. Then, using the flat back of the supplied tweezers, you can almost shoehorn the bulb into place. The bulb doesn’t seem to go ALL the way into the lens, but it does pop in enough that it won’t shake around or fall out of place.

Once you finally get the two LED bulbs plugged into the lenses, it becomes a matter of snapping everything together into place and then attaching it to the wheel well. This is one of those fun partworks stages where you wish that you had three hands: one to hold all the pieces together, another to push further down the part, and a third hand to be turning the screws to affix everything together. In some instances, a little painter’s tape helps. Or a clamp. But with a couple goes, I was able to snap this all together without additional assistance. Only minor hand cramping. I’m old. It happens. Ha!

With the whole piece assembled, here’s the fun part: attaching it to the main body of the car. Again, after staring at my poor Ecto-1 sitting on the shelf missing wheel wells and these red fins, boy-oh-boy was this gratifying to finally do. It felt like, after a long winter working on a 10,000 piece puzzle, finding the ONE piece that had been missing for months and dropping it into place. There’s quite a bit of hardware that goes into keeping this piece in place, and you have to be careful to thread the wires exactly as they’re shown in the diagram - because they need to snake all the way around the rear of the car and through the left side wheel well also. This is where I definitely recommend a little bit of painters tape to help act as that third hand for you to keep things in place, both during this stage and after. I dropped a little piece of painter’s tape under the cargo door to keep the two wires in place for the next couple stages. Also be sure that you’re using the red tab to keep the wires under the cargo door. Tuck those guys under before you affix the IM screw down.

After quite a bit of screw turning (there’s at least seven IM screws and four NP screws to this stage), I had to flip the body over to take a look and admire. It’s been a long time coming darlin’. You deserve this moment.

The final stage to this issue is a cakewalk. You’re basically prepping to work on the other side of the rear of the car by attaching the skirting to the left rear fending. It’s a quick and easy step that you can set the finished product aside and enjoy the rest of the awesome magazine contents and drop the booklet into your binder. Hopefully after all this time, you still have your binder and the prongs to attach the magazines to them.

All in all, this was a whole lot of fun. After a year and counting of not sitting down to work on the car, I had to shake out a little rust - and realized how over-caffeinated I was with my shaky hands. I’m just so glad to be getting monthly shipments again to finish off this car and finally have what will become one of the crown-jewels in the GBHQ collection.

Our thanks to the good folks at Fanhome for reviving the subscription build, sending us stages for review and for keeping the engine running for us all. If you’d like to start up your subscription, now is the time as they’re only offering new and continued subscriptions for a limited time… presumably because they’re dealing with the limited stock from the Eaglemoss days. So act now if you’re interested and happy building!

#eaglemoss #fanhome #ecto-1 #merchandise #let's build #die-cast model #partworks

1 note · View note

sungbeam · 10 months

Note

Me when serpent and dove: 👁️👄👁️⁉️🫣😱🫵😐💔🤯⁉️🤡

Like man just because you’re going through Jichang brain rot doesn’t mean that you have to give it to me too 👹/j

AND THANK YOU I KNEW YOU’D UNDERSTAND THE SUNSET LINE LIKE THERE WAS A REASON I HIGHLIGHTED IT 😭 but Ofc I’m insecure so I always downplay what I like so that no one else can make fun of it cause I already made fun of it myself #copingmechanisms #earlybirdgetstheworm 🥲 I’m glad you get it like I do tho 😔🫶

It’s so sad that you haven’t read for fun in a while tho 😭 BUT YOU’RE JUST LIKE ME FR CAUSE IDK THE QUALITY OF PRINTED LITERATURE THESE DAYS IS JUST BAD 😩 Like FR a double whammie smh you got the same boring plot and the same boring covers 😔💔 IT’S LIKE- WHY WOULD I PAY $20+ FOR A BOOK THAT I PROBABLY READ 3 TIMES BEFORE JUST WITH DIFFERENT NOUNS IF I COULD READ A BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN ONESHOT BY SUNGBEAM HERSELF?? I hereby declare this tomfoolery yessir

AND YOU HAVENT WATCHED MIRROR MIRROR WITH THE STUNNING LILY COLLINS AKA MY FAV NEPOBABY??? I was actually gonna send the link for the opening scene but no one cared to post the opening scene on YouTube but they bothered to post the FULL MF MOVIE 💀💀💀

I would send the link but it seems that the paste thing timed out and I don’t want to leave the Tumblr app (rip mobile) again cause it will refresh everything (yes this is my second time writing this) so just look up mirror mirror opening scene on YouTube 😭

AND THANK YOU POOKIE I’M GLAD MY IDEAS WERE GOOD ACTUALLY LMAO 🤭 and nooo I haven’t watched rescuers even tho it does ring a bell 🤔

And ok??? Damn I was just making sure I had all bases covered just in case you were being a perv like smh idk your life 🙄☝️/jkjk SJFJEJR

Oh and I haven’t watched secret invasion but I kinda just thought abt it cause yk superheroes/marvel LMAO but have you watched ‘the boys’ on Amazon prime? It was actually pretty interesting (even tho TW it’s way more explicit in the blood, death, and sexual aspects and it did take a hot sec for me to get used to it 💀) but I actually would recommend it just be weary of those warnings 🫡 also you might’ve even seen a reaction vid from it since it got pretty popular on tiktok/twt 😭

ALSO NEW ALBUM DROPPING THE 7TH OF AUGUST BUT NOT A SINGLE PEEP OR SCHEDULER FROM IST LIKE GIRL WTF HOW RUSHED IS THIS CB GONNA BE ESP IF ITS A FULL ALBUM LIKE- 🧍‍♀️

Also also hopefully this isn’t overstepping or anything but I wanted to let you know that you’re not alone and I really related to your ‘scroll past this’ post :( it’s kind of hard not feeling that way and I do kind of get impostor syndrome too just cause I feel like I can never accomplish anything and I can never make it to people’s expectations of me but honestly I think I just need to be kinder to myself? And you should too! Something I do to remember that I have to be kinder to myself is by imagining my inner monologue being directed to the younger version of myself. I went through a lot when I was a kid and I just know that if I say what I say to myself/about myself to my younger self then it would completely destroy me. And if it would’ve destroyed me then, why wouldn’t it destroy me now? And it’s cause it does. It chips at me, albeit slowly. And then I’ll just absolutely break down one day. But we’re on this earth too short to be hurting and anxious and insecure all the time. When you feel overwhelmed it’s good to just… back away for a bit. Maybe cook, get some ice cream, take a walk in the park, just sit outside and breathe. Ground yourself and remind yourself that although you’re not perfect, no one is. You can always be a happier version of yourself though so just do what feels right at the moment and live in the moment :) I don’t want to downplay your pain at all but I really hope that I could provide at least a smidge of comfort since that’s what I do when I’m really feeling down (esp existential rip) :,)

- If you have breath you have purpose. You are an instrument, a testament, that these minutes can be survived. (Raquel Franco)

Love, 🌷 anon

LISTEN. serpent and dove has been hiding in my drafts folder since JUNE I HAVE BEEN EXERCISING A LOT OF SELF CONTROL OKAY :l

NO CUZ i do that too 😭😭😭 #copingmechanism frfr cuz if i already clown it then ur clownery will have no effect skfnkenff

TEARS ! anyways,, , ahem yes i do appreciate that sunset line, it makes me feel something for once so thank u ma'am 😔 WAIT I JUST SAW THE EARLY BIRD GETS THE WORM SKDNSKDM AHAHHAHAHA when the worm = dignity 💔💔💔

HELPPP DONT SAY THAT UR GONNA MAKE ME SEVERELY DELULU ABT MY WRITING ABILITIES 🤡🤡🤡 no but i FEEL u, like i find books that im intrigued by, but a lot of them are just copy paste of each other and they never intrigue me and r ALWAYS in some form WEIRD or PROBLEMATIC 😭😭 like why would i pay money for ur copy paste covers when i can find that for free on wattpad /hj tho there r some books w those kinds of covers that r like that lol emily henry i hear is pretty good and i can't wait to finally read her shit 😔 once i get my shit together skdnkenf

blr is going down hill and FR WHY DO THEY RESET FOR ASKS LIKE CAN I NOT DRAFT AN ASK IT TAKES COURAGE AND TIME AND CAREFUL CONSIDERATION— lmslmflenf LMAO 😭😭😭 OKAY I'LL LOOK IT UP LATER 🤡 AHHAHAHA when they said, if we're gonna pirate, we're gonna go all the way !!!

takes one to know one abt the perv life 🤨🤨🤨 ANYWAYS 😁🤸‍♀️

OMG I've seen clips of the boys and it's low-key like 😭😭😭 scary skfnkejfk i mean like, the main blonde hero dude is TERRIFYING and i mean that in the best possible way. i watched a video essay on how to make a terrifying villain, and they used the boys as an example, and i had to look away from some of the parts just cuz it was so violent, and his SMILE IS O_O FRIGHTENING.

GIRL IKIKIK THEY JUST POSTED TEASERS OF THE THREE CONCEPTS !!! ITS CALLED "PHANTASY" AND TBH I THOUGHT OF DANNY PHANTOM 💔💔💔 low-key if kev came back w the blonde hair he could totally pull off danny phantom, i don't make the rules— i think my favorite concept look so far is love letter !! but i think as more is posted i'll def change 💀 we'll see 💀 NO FR IST REALLY PULLING A FASTBALL ON US FOR THIS??? like HELLO?? they're literally supposed to cb in TWO WEEKS AND I NEED TIME TO SCREAM AND YELL AND MENTALLY PREPARE AND FIGURE OUT IF IM GONNA CAVE AND BUY AN ALBUM—

ahh thanks tulip 🥺 i really appreciate u saying all that, and ,, yeah,,, i never really thought abt like if i was speaking to my younger self like that and it really does put things into perspective. i've become the person who i despised yet was desperate to please when i was a kid, and that's ,, awful. it's awful esp since i can't run away from myself like i could those people from my past. im sorry u went thru shit as a kid :( ig we find our own ways to cope and grow and try to move on, and maybe we won't always make it out of the woods immediately. i used to think i had a pretty good view of myself, and then i realized it was all just a cover-up? like it was a mask on top of a mask and it was fake and it was just covering up all the truly damaged parts of me like a bandage over a bullet wound. yeah fsfs! i forced myself to step away that day. i actually went and cleaned my bedroom workspace up w like noise cancelling headphones on and it made me feel so much better. bro fr like,, when do we not feel existential atp, sometimes i feel like im not actually "go w the flow" but "i don't care enough anymore"

— Promise me not to hide yourself when you're in pain, it's unfair that we laughed together but you cried alone. (unknown) ❤️

#sungbeam strikes again #🌷 anon

0 notes

apencilandpen · 1 year

Text

Been talking with a few different people about Taylor Swift lately and it’s just been interesting. Because, I’m a fan, I’ve liked her for a long, long time. She put out specific music at just the right time that I needed it multiple times, and a lot of her songs are really important to me. So everything we’ve been talking about comes from this place that includes the history I have with her and her music.

I have these two friends who don’t know each other who both went to her show in Atlanta, and talking to them separately, they had two Very different takeaways. One’s a big fan, and we talked about her experience and her favorite part. Her favorite part was the “Willow” stage, which she described as having “insane witchy vibes.” But I’ve seen pictures from that, and as my sister says, Taylor Swift just looks like she wants to be Florence Welch so badly. And also, you can’t have “insane witchy vibes” for a song that asks a man to wreck your plans. Or when your make up is a cat eye and a red lip. Like, you can, but you can’t get on Florence’s level.

And then my other friend and I were talking about “Vigilante Shit” and that stage the other day and I watched a video and it’s fine? Like it’s cool I guess, but it’s basically just blocking with some sitting and posing on and with a chair? I had so many friends text me when Midnights came out being like “omg you’re going to LOVE vigilante shit, it’s so your vibe.” And I can totally see how they’d think that. It’s dark girl boss revenge pop with strong Gotham Rogue/Catwoman energy, which was very much my vibe in high school. High school me probably would’ve eaten it up. But now I can’t help but be like “okay this is the same vibe as no body no crime, except that song was better.” AND THEN I rewatched the “I Did Something Bad” stage from the Reputation Tour in 2018 and like that stage is awesome! It’s powerful, it’s impactful, it’s got grit and tooth and anger and purpose. The “Vigilante Shit” stage and song just doesn’t have that for me, nor does it have the storytelling strength of “no body, no crime.”

Like, she’s had her controversies, but Taylor Swift is just so palatable that “insanely witchy vibes” and “Vigilante Shit” just fall flat for me now. And I like her! It’s a weird feeling because now, whenever my old friends text me about Taylor Swift, it reminds me that so many of my older friends don’t actually *know* me anymore. They love me, but we’ve been apart for so long that they don’t know me. And I know for a fact I do this too, so like I get it, but still. I’ve grown since then, and I think I’ve outgrown Taylor Swift in a way - at least this current version of what she’s doing. And most of her stuff are love songs, which I’m really not into at this point in my life, so it’s like a double whammy. It’s weird. I have this history and gratitude to her music, but I’m also like, moving beyond that. It doesn’t feel like *me* anymore, and that’s a weird thing to try and articulate. It’s a weird thing to realize you’ve outgrown someone whose music grew up with you.

#idk if my tastes have changed or if ive changed or both or what #but she just doesnt do it for me anymore #and even listening to old stuff isnt as fun #like i am SO grateful for i did something bad and the rep album as a whole #but now its just not for me?#and its a weird thing to be mourning something that isnt really dead just different #my post #my stuff #just my two cents #talkin about music #digital scrapbook

0 notes

osteocupcake · 1 year

Text

I don’t know what happened. I just got a feeling like something was off. I guess that went really old school.

Don’t you think that’s kind of strange?

Well, anyway, how about the twinkling now the only people you have to fight are African-American, jealous women

Said twinkly… oh me? A little Brian never hurt anybody I guess said brine.

Brian, fuck off oh my god you’re not even half as cute as Rama Murthy oh fuck him well I can’t say that I can’t it’s a double whammy of I’m just really old-fashioned Olga and Robin Murphy both gonna hit

The fuck are you gonna do

I don’t know I’m going to talk to the doctor and tell them that I’m being bullied by people in Hollywood Robin Murphy

OK they do understand that you and I share some cheese sometimes

Said chi

Yeah, but if we actually have that in common and particularly when you get two kinds of people in the room together, and they start giggling like that, that’s not a line, he can cross that’s not fair we are the ones getting cheese with that dialogue

And we are attracting women from Downunder, so that we can save all of the Colby’s

See, and just like a mad woman, it goes right back around to little william

Robin is important though that’s a very very important person so I giggled and then I went like oh wait

But not if he’s a douche bag I’m seeing multiple things and I don’t know what to make up some of what I’m seeing so I guess it’s just not my business

I already said yesterday that a lot of people are bad and then people are like no you’re bad no, you’re bad and then women are protecting each other in these weird ways but you look super twinkly. I love some of what I see I just feel violated with the shirt thing.

0 notes

stevesorgasmicriffs · 2 years

Text

when i woke up from my nap, the corner of my eye caught the orange glow of the sunset streaming in through the shutters.

to my right, the bedroom door was left ajar, with the faint sound of the tv on the other side.

i was nearly out of my bed, feeling completely rejuvenated (naps always worked their magic with me) when behind me, a slip of paper rustled as it fell to the floor.

i spun around and bent down to pick up the note.

it was written in cursive, and i wasn’t sure if that was either a fruity person thing or a doctor thing. most likely both.

“hey k, had to run out for a bit. if you need dinner, ask charlie to make you something, he’s a better cook than i’ll ever be. be back soon, a.”

i shrugged and left it back on the bedside table, presumably where it originally sat.

i stretched a tad before departing the four soft white walls that providing an unusually inviting and almost comforting atmosphere.

charlie was still lying down on the couch, looking half-asleep, poorly swaddled in a plaid blanket that had definitely seen its better days, with the remote dangling out of his hand and nearly touching the rug underneath.

it reminded me a bit of what my dad sometimes did when he got caught up in binge-watching pawn stars on the history channel.

“um… hi. i’m uh, awake.” i was standing only a few feet away from him at this point, but i was afraid that my voice was too quiet to be heard even from this distance.

luckily, he noticed me before he could hear me.

“oh, hey.” a lazy half-smile. “want me to make you something?” when half-asleep, his accent was thicker than normal, which was strangely attractive.

“i’m good, thanks.” honestly, i cod survive not putting something down my hatch for hours at a time. this worried my mom tremendously, obviously, but i highly doubted it had anything to do with an eating disorder.

“i think there’s curry in the fridge or something, hang on, let me just…” he struggled to get up, his hairy legs flailing around as if he were some tortoise wobbling in his shell, trying to flip himself back over onto his feet.

“fuck this,” he grumbled, setting the remote down onto the coffee table, next to a pill jar turned over on its side, a handful of pink tablets spilling out of it.

“what are those?” i asked, pointing to them.

“oh, bloody hormone pills. they make me so irritable. and they give me migraines. double whammy.” he seemed to be conscious of how his voice was sounding at that moment, because he quickly snatched two of them and guzzled them down with a water bottle full of some mysterious brown liquid that had magically appeared from the blanket.

“i gotta take these though, otherwise i sound like bloody shit.”

i laughed a little bit and sat beside him once he had finished sitting up. “i think you sound fine.”

he was quick to shake his head. “no, i don’t. i never will.” then he shot a glance at me, probably noticing the concerned expression i was exhibiting. “i’m sorry, i’ll just go make dinner. ugh, why is it that i’m always hungry when i’m miserable?!” that last sentence i could hear him mutter yo himself as he got up and went into the kitchen, rummaging through the fridge.

he came back a minute later with two steaming hot bowls of curry and rice, setting one of them down in front of me on the coffee table. “you can have it. it’s really good.” he tried to sound convincing as he was already beginning to shovel forkfuls into his mouth.

i glanced back at the pills. “so do those pills just change your voice? or do they do more?”

“they do a whole bunch of shit. i mean, stuff. sorry, i also have a tendency to cuss when i’m miserable. it’s funny, adrian never cusses unless he’s like, really pissed about something. like saturday traffic. anyways, those pills essentially increase your testosterone, which is what guys have, not girls. so you grow hair literally everywhere, your voice gets deeper, you get a crazy amount of acne, oh yeah, and your period goes away, that’s the best part. he looked me over. “you haven’t started that yet, have you?”

i shook my head. “i’m 11 now, so, probably next year.”

“savor all the time you have left before that happens.”

he was nearly finished with his dinner, and i hadn’t even picked up my fork.

“hey, aren’t you gonna eat that?” charlie had noticed it too.

i shook my head. “i’m not hungry. but please don’t tell adrian, i don’t want him to worry. and doesn’t he need to eat too?”

“there’s literally a whole other bowl in the fridge for him.” he shrugged. “but suit yourself i guess.”

that reminded me of the one question still lingering in the back of my mind ever since i read the note.

“do you know where he is?”

“oh, right, he had to go pick up more pills for me. i can never have enough.” he chuckled at this.

it made me sad to think that he depended on medicine to turn him into the person that he dreamed of being, even though he looked just fine the way he was. it made me think of my mom trying this fad diet that she claimed would make her drop twenty pounds, and i feared that i’d never get used to seeing a skinnier version of her, and not a figure i had grown up with seeing everyday for the past 11 years.

then i remembered that charlie was a pediatrician. most of the time he didn’t even interact with adults. he interacted with children.

“what’s it like?” i didn’t even realize i had said that out loud.

“what’s it like what?”

“being a pediatrician.”

“oh.” he seemed deep in thought about this. “well, uhm… this will probably sound strange to you, but i’ve honestly found more comfort and understanding in children than i’ve ever tried to find in any adult. kids are so innocent. they don’t know how to judge until the grown-up teaches them how to. and it’s always based on how they believe they should judge people. they want them to be a carbon copy of them. i know from firsthand experience. and i hated that, you know? i hated that somehow, some way, i had to fit into this, this mold. well, a mold can get quite stuffy. and you feel a tad claustrophobic. so what do you desperately want to do? break free, right? and so that’s what i did. i broke the mold. i wanted to become a doctor, not a politician, not a sports player, and god i sucked at them. i didn’t want to become part of the stereotype. i became a whole other gender, for god’s sake. and i’m still getting there.” he must have noticed how intrigued i was at his speech. “anyway, that’s my little shpeel. but the thing is, i wanted to go somewhere where nobody could take a look at me and like, totally freak out or something. that’s why i was a little hesitant at first about acquiring this position, because surely children of all people would do that, right? cause they’re not familiar with whatever the hell trans people are. but then i realized that you know what? it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter who’s providing the experience for them, as long as you’re providing the right experience for them. and i try to do that every time, with all my patients. does that… does that make sense?”

i nodded. “you should run for president.”

he laughed. “god, i bloody wish.”

but what he said about breaking the mold was indeed inspiring. maybe i could do that. maybe somehow, some way, some day, one day…

i couldn’t wait to text rosie and tell her all about the time that i was having here.

that’s when i realized where my phone was.

it was back at home, my actual home, with my parents.

and i missed it there.

it was much more rural, more trees, more grass, more soil, more birds, more sun. not as many buildings. not as many streets. or lampposts. you could smell the air, how different it was, how it wasn’t as musky, or musty. my best friend was there. my teachers were there. my school was there. the way my mom made my lunch for me every morning. the way the tv blared in the living room. how my parents would always want to play board games and card games with me on their nights off. the walk to school, how i’d pass that cute little sky blue cottage with the elderly lady that always waved good morning to me. how i’d meet up with rosie, and we’d talk about what we were and weren’t looking forward to for that day. that took away some of my anxiety. how there was that one ice cream store that i always liked going to, and on the weekends my parents (usually my dad) would take me there, and it would taste like freedom. and how in the nights, i’d always come back to my room, read a book that i’d retrieve from my bookshelf, familiarize myself with the soft pink glow of my walls, the flickering light emitting from my nightlight, the clothes hanging down from my closet door. it had only been a day and a half since i was removed from all of that, but somehow, right at that moment, it felt like eternity.

i just wanted it all back.

there was no denying that this setting felt too industrial, that this place felt too cramped.

and at that moment, there was no denying the walls of anxiety slowly caving in and down on me, almost suffocating, making me gasp for air.

i could hardly hear the faint “kira? you alright? you’re spacing out on me,” coming from my left.

i had to break free.

“i’m going to the bathroom,” i quickly explain, hoping that excuse would act as a temporary diversion. i quickly walked back down the hall, noticing a back door conveniently making up the very end of it, and i tried pushing it open, to no avail. pulling it didn’t do anything either.

then i studied the door, how the lock system was the same as back home, and i was quick to unlock what ended up being a pull door.

i quietly shut it behind me, and took a moment to observe the sky, fading into black, the stars beginning to come out of hiding, twinkling in all their glory.

my mom always referred to me as her shining star, and i never understood what that meant. starts were perfect. i definitely wasn’t.

i had no idea where to start. to my left, there were nothing but houses. just looking at them all clustered together like that gave me claustrophobia. to my right, there was a crosswalk. so my route begun there.

as my feet began to feel on fire, they were walking so fast, my heart began to race and the butterflies caused a pulsating tornado in my stomach. it was annoying, but it was what always came with anxiety.

it honestly felt like a dream, venturing out on my own, something that my parents would most definitely not approve of. but they weren’t there right now, so why would it matter?

the crosswalk led me to a road, and as i followed it, i could spot a bustling highway up ahead. cars going at 40 miles an hour. the towering skyscrapers looming on the other side. for a moment i thought i caught a glimpse of the medical building that adrian and charlie worked at.

when i could see that no cars were coming and the coast was clear, i sprinted across that freeway, over to the concrete jungle. i gulped as i saw even more cars, even more streets, and all the buildings. the layout was so confusing. back at home, the routes were much clearer, and the town was much smaller. nowhere to venture out to.

i was lost. i began to internally panic, the tornado of butterflies now spiraling into a hurricane, wet because of the tears barely escaping my eyes.

i really hated it here. and there was no way i was turning to anybody to try and find out where the heck i was, or where home was. obviously they would have no clue.

so i began to mindlessly walk down the one avenue i was on, tentatively taking step after step towards an unknown destination.

a few blocks down and i noticed from my peripheral that one of the streets led to a freeway, and on the other side of it, there was a forest. i knew that this was my gateway, my opening, my ticket home. i was absolutely certain of it. this had to be.

i sprinted to that street and down to the freeway, noting the heavy traffic filtering into the big city at a significantly faster pace. the cars going at 70 miles an hour. i was sure of it.

i made it to the edge of the freeway, the sky now pitch black, the glare of the incoming headlights nearly blinding me. but i knew to keep to the side so i wouldn’t get hit.

too much concrete was everywhere, i realized as i gripped onto the side rail. the rush of the cars passing nearly threw me off balance, but i kept a steady grip and i traversed in the opposite direction.

only when that siderail stopped suddenly did i realize that now i was in a little bit of jeopardy. i had nothing to latch onto.

i turned to face the other side of the freeway, where the siderail continued there.

i had to cross the freeway to get there, and the traffic was simply not letting up.

i began to shake uncontrollably, my heart beating faster than it ever did before. i couldn’t do this, it was too dangerous. yet i had to. it was the only way.

one foot hit the pavement as i prepared to make a mad dash for my life, and hopefully not get killed.

that’s when a brief clearing came, but right when i was about to bolt straight forward, i heard someone shout an immensely distressed “kira!” followed by a firm hand grabbing my wrist, probably cutting off blood circulation, and violently pulling me back.

then i was shoved into the passenger seat of a car, the wheels screeching and the engine revving the loudest i’ve ever heard an engine rev, followed by an incredibly jostling car ride that i was surprised didn’t give me a concussion.

the entire time, the person yelling in my already ringing ears: “what the fuck was that?! what the fuck were you doing?! what the fuck were you thinking?! why the fuck would you run away like that?! you fucking put your life on the line like that and you fucking worried me half to death!!”

the voice was harsh, coarse, and something i most definitely never had heard before, maybe from my dad if i acted up something awful. but no, this was purely downright terrifying. i wanted to get out of that car as fast as i could.

“don’t you dare pull that shit like that ever again kira, do you hear me?! are you even listening to me?!”

as soon as the car stopped, right back where i definitely didn’t belong, i made very attempt to open up that car door.

it wouldn’t open until a very familiar figure had opened it, grabbing both of my hands in the process.

“hey, look at me.”

i refused to make eye contact with this stranger, no matter how hard he tried to meet my gaze or tilt my chin up to look at him.

“i don’t want you running off like that ever again, do you hear me?” the voice was now sounding out of breath, between pants, the hands gripping mine becoming sweaty. i struggled to break free, but the grips only tightened.

i realized now that i really didn’t know where i was, and that only adrian knew where my home was. or at least, he had a device to contact our parents with.

so as soon as he tentatively let go of my hands, instead of running away (never making that mistake again), i ran inside, into my room, slamming the door behind me, cowering underneath my bed like a hurt dog with streaming down my face. and understandably so. i was hurt. i was scared of that person, that monster who had taken me back. it couldn’t have been adrian. he would never sound like that. or would he?

i heard a soft knock on my door, followed by a few footsteps slowly entering.

“kira? kira, where did you go? it’s just me.” i could hear him sigh softly. “are you in here?”

it was all starting to come together. i recognized those clothes as the same ones that the person driving the car was wearing. yet, that voice was most definitely adrian’s. now, come to think of it, the car that i was in did look familiar…

i crouched even further back, hiding my head in my knees and folding my arms in front to serve as a protective barrier.

“kira, i just want to talk to you. can you come on out for me? please?”

adrian’s voice sounded more hurt than anything. a stark contrast to the voice that screamed i hate you so much, you should feel sorry for entering my life, for even existing. you deserve to stay here.

i knew he hated me. that i had crossed a line. that i’d never be able to forgive myself for all the stress i’d caused him.

i let out a sniffle just loud enough for him to hear, something that i tried my hardest to stifle.

“there you are.” adrian had bent down and was reaching a hand out to me. “come on out.”

i shook my head vigorously, still hiding my face in shame.

after a moment’s pause, i could hear adrian softly counting under his breath. “one, two…” it was a game that i remember playing outside in my front yard when i was little. he’s give me a three second head start, and i had to run across the field before he caught up to me. when i didnt, he’d scoop me up, toss me into the air and fling me back down, tickling me all over and making me giggle like crazy. or sometimes he would just hold me upside down for a few seconds before setting me back down gently and then tickling me. and if i did make it to the end, well… he’d still do it. i didn’t care, i was having so much fun.

now i realized just how lucky i had it before he went away.

i sniffled one more time before i grabbed onto his hand, letting him pull me out and into the open air.

i coughed a little when the dust from underneath there followed me close behind.

yet i was still not ready to show my bright red, tear-stricken face to him. i knew that i was in deep trouble, and that maybe now, he wasn’t gonna let me go home.

“i’m sorry.” the whisper was barely audible, even to me. “i’m really sorry. i promise i’ll, i’ll never do it again.” i buried my face even further, knowing full well that another bout of tears was coming on.

“i was just trying to go back home, but i should have just told you and not take off like that without telling you. i didn’t mean to worry you. i just didn’t want you to be mad at me for wanting to go back. i feel like a terrible person now. it’s okay if you want me to stay here.” i choked out those last words, not sure if it was even worth saying.

i felt myself being lifted up and onto a lap, an arm holding me tightly to a chest with a still rapidly beating heartbeat.

“you’re homesick, aren’t you?”

i nodded.

“i’ll take you back tonight, if you want. but only if you forgive me too.”

i looked up and noticed how glazed his eyes were as well, not producing any tears but displaying nothing but sincerity and guilt.

“i really, sincerely didn’t mean to take it out on you. i know you were traumatized after that outburst of mine. but i really was worried. i didn’t realize you had it in you. but the thing is, i was more worried that you were on the side of a freeway, about to plunge yourself into certain death.” i could feel his chest waver slightly. “i didn’t want you to kill yourself like that. he brushed my hair back a bit, studying my face. “weren’t you scared?”

i nodded.

“i was too. i was so blown away that… well…” he shook his head. “you can only imagine how terrible i feel.”

“yeah.”

“all that matters is that you’re safe. you’re here. you’re not dead.”

the tears flowing from my cheeks had begun to slow down in their pace.

“i know i scared the crap out of you, didn’t i?”

i nodded. “i deserve it.”

“well, maybe a strict lecture on why freeways are dangerous places for little runaways like you, but no, you… you didn’t deserve to hear me like that. i never act like that. never around anybody. especially not around you. i actually had this talk with charlie once, we had listened in on a parenting class, don’t ask why, and i was like to him at the end, ‘i never want to yell at my kid, i want them to think i’m the nice parent, but he was all like, ‘no, that’s what you need to be. diligent, but not… terrorizing.’ and trying to find the right balance between both is ultimately what makes it breaks the bond that the two share.”

i could feel him take a shaky deep breath in.

“something else i remember learning from that day was that it’s okay to have flaws. everyone can attempt to be perfect, but try as they might, nobody can actually achieve that state of perfection. i always try to keep that in mind.”

“like my anxiety. that’s what makes me flawed.”

adrian shook his head, smiling and patting the back of my head gently.

“nothing makes you flawed. i hope you know that.”

he pulled me away from him for a brief moment.

“tell me this, where do you feel your anxiety at its worst?”

now it was my turn to take a deep breath. “in school. like, this one time in class, i had this like, breakdown, and i was running out of the room crying, and i locked myself in the bathroom, and i just wanted mom to come pick me up and take me home. and i think a few kids were laughing, which made me feel even more horrible.”

i could feel a long, drawn out silence, which made me realize that i probably said too much. no, wait, it’s okay, don’t worry about it. that’s what i felt like telling him, but now i was beginning to realize that, regardless, he’d worry anyway.

“nobody went in and checked up on you?”

“i was fine, really, it was no big deal.”

a long pause. “so that… that didn’t bother you. at all. not a bit.”

i shook my head. “i’m used to it.”

“i know anxiety often leads to the person dealing with it making irrational decisions at times. that’s the most dangerous part.”

“a good first step to take is to talk it out with somebody. and it’s important that you can trust them. but it never helps, in fact, it hurts you more than anything, if you try to deny that you even have it in the first place. that’s what i learned the first week of nursing school, how sometimes you’ll get patients who are convinced that they don’t have a medical condition that they clearly have, and, well… that’s a major red flag. but yeah, definitely consult with somebody about it first.”

“what about you?”

“well, as you clearly saw tonight, i’m not an expert. you were anxious about going home, right? that’s what drove you to run off like that?”

slowly i nodded.

“i would have never known if you hadn’t told me. and i’m obviously glad you did, but… it’s best to talk to someone who’s familiar with your condition. and that would most definitely not be…” he must have felt the realization setting in. “i think you described it pretty well earlier today, actually. now, us doctors don’t normally diagnose anyone with mental disorders, cause that’s usually a psychiatrist’s job, or maybe a therapist.” he chuckled a bit. “maybe you should become one.”

i shook my head. “i want to become a teacher. or an author.” i smiled. “i like to read.”

“hey, why don’t we get you back home to your good old bookshelf then?” he gave me a light pat on the back, beginning to get up. “but you gotta say goodbye to charlie first.”

“noo!” i laughed.

“oh my god, you actually like him?!”

“you’re the one getting married to him!”

“i know, i know, i was only kidding!” he laughed it off as i got up from his lap and ran into the living room.

charlie immediately enveloped me in a suffocating hug. “oh my god you’re alive you have no idea how long i was pacing around this room for it must have been for 45 hours or something but all that’s important right now is that you’re here and alive and well and okay and…”

“alright, we get it.” adrian rolled his eyes at him playfully before grabbing hold of my hand again, this time a lot more gently.

“she wants to go home,” he explained.

he nodded understandingly. “it was nice to meet you,” he said as he bent down to shake my hand. “safe travels, the both of you.”

then we left the house and got into adrian’s car, now feeling a lot more comforting and reassuring, and i watched the house disappear from my view as he pulled out of the driveway and onto the main road.

@fiction-tastic

0 notes

subwaysurf45 · 3 years

Text

Code Star

Summary: a code word you and Bucky share is used; but it’s not in a good way.

Warning: panic attack, ripping out hair, addiction(little bit)

Words: 2030

Masterlist!

"Agent. Agent. Copy agent?" Friday spoke through the speakers in your room, it was louder than normal and also in the middle of the night which was the reason you woke up with a gasp.

"C-copy," you spat out, you typically sleep with your mouth open, so it gets dry when you first wake.

"Mr. Barns is calling you, he says it's 'code star'." Your stomach dropped, from all the adrenaline from waking up with a scare and the code, you sprinted down the hall way.

It was late and you were in the kitchen, you were trying to separate from your sleeping pills because during your last mission you couldn't sleep because you forgot them, you were addicted to them. So you needed to take a step back, learn to fall asleep on your own.

After asking around there was a tea Wanda recommended, it was lavender tea and she said it's the best with honey. You were currently steeping your bag and had honey beside you.

You took the soggy bag out and turned to the compost bin, after dropping it in and turned around you almost slipped because Bucky was right there.

Standing frozen. Dead face. Staring at you.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" You yelled, not caring if it woke someone up, "what's wrong with you?" You realized you clutched at your heart through your sweater.

He was on the other side of the island, but he seemed to be leaning over a bit, he looked down at your steaming mug and then back at you.

"I- I was going to say hi and then I liked the smell of your tea and then when you turned I looked up at you, I-I didn't mean to freak you out, that must have been really scary, sorry." He looked down into the cup again. "What is it?" He finally asked.

You let your guard down a bit, "lavender," you never looked away from him, "and honey." That was the most he'd ever said to you since he showed up two months ago, he stayed in his room the first month.

"Nice," he nodded, his metal arm coming up and rubbing the back of his neck.

"There's extra water, I can make you one." You knew he was going to ask for your cup, but you really need to hit the sack.

His face lit up in the dark, "perfect!" He half smiled.

You poured the other cup and steeped the another bag, then added honey as well. You both stayed where you were on either side of the island.

"Why are you up?" He asked while blowing on the tea, his voice was below normal level.

"Just can't sleep," you sigh and look over to the common room, no one was there but you really didn't want to meet his eyes.

"I get that," he spoke awkwardly and looked over as well, thinking you were studying something.

"I'm-...I'm trying to get if sleeping pills my shit therapist prescribed for me," you looked back at him, his eye brows raised and his head tilted forty-five degrees.

"Sleeping pills?"

"Insomnia."

"Oh..." he spoke to himself and looked down again, his thumb rubbing the smooth ceramic handle of the blue mug that wasn't his. "I get nightmares." He stated blankly, but he didn't look up at his statement.

"Is it..." you tried to find the right words to not trigger him, "before the war, like America...or later on…in life...?" You danced around the question, Steve had told you mentioning certain things can get Bucky really freaked out.

"My mind," he laughed sarcastically, "it likes to mix the two," he pulled one side of his mouth tight.

"Double-whammy," you whispered, then froze at the sound of a giggle, Bucky chuckled. "What?"

"No-I-I just...I get that reference," he seemed proud, his face seemed to fall quickly though, circling back, "my arm is weird, it's like my human arm but the star," he points to the red, "is like sewn in, I don't know what it means but..." he trialed off.

"Well, if you need help, just call a code star, I'll come to your room and bring you some tea, how about that?" You smile.

"What? Like a friend?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Okay," he smiled and nodded, "alright," his fingers drummed on the counter, "I'm gonna take this back to my room, but I'll remember that." He nodded and left, but caught himself at the corner to the rooms, "hey, agent," he spoke normal, you looked, "if you're gonna be my friend, don't ask 'what's wrong with me?', because trust me...I’ll talk you to your grave." He smirked.

“Noted, Sargent.” You’ve never seen him joke with you before, it felt comforting.

'Code star' had never been used for its newer purpose before, as the friendship and relationship grew 'code star' became 'code lavender', it happened after Bucky called 'code star' once while he was having a panic attack, you took so long to make the tea he was passed out by the time you showed up.

'Code lavender': make a tea, meet in the kitchen.

'Code star': panic attack, drop everything a come.

You sprinted down the hallway to the very last room, you could hear laboured breathing as you got closer. Typically you'd knock softly and come in quietly, not this time.

You whipped open the door to see Bucky staring slightly down on the edge of his bed, he was rocking back and forth as his fingers ripped and pulled on his long hair. His pupils blew wide and his lips curled causing his teeth to flash, he didn't even look up at you.

A loud bang from your knees hitting the hardwood didn't phase him either, you tired to duck down to meet his line of eye sight but you couldn't get down enough.

"Bucky, look at me!" You pulled his hands out of his hair, as you made him drop them to his side you found a pile of hair outside his thighs, "oh god," you whispered, your hand unlacing with his to pick up the locks, the free hand of his went straight back to tugging. "Don't do that, don't do that." You hushed and took it out again, a tuff came with it. "Bucky, look at me," you said calmer now, you needed to be the example. "Bucky, nod if you can hear me."

He didn't nod, his eyes stayed locked on your chest. They didn't move there, he was already looking there, it was like he was looking through you.

You kept his hands clumped in your right hand and your left hand began to trace around his face, starting at his cheeks that were dry, little circles led to cross the bridge the nose a couple times. You also started humming, a song you heard Bucky and Steve sing once while drunk and having fun.

His eye brows seemed to raise for a second at the tune, but he quickly fell back into his short shallow breathes. You kept going, your finger gently tracing his cleft chin, it was always something you pinched when joking around with him.

"Wake up, Bucky," you whispered after finishing the song, you started the tune again. His breathing seemed to slow a little and his almost black eyes moved around a bit, "there you go," you cupped his cheek, now just shifting your thumb back and forth. You didn't know if he'd start to pull his hair out again so you kept both the metal and flesh hand covered with your left.

His breathing went to normal, his rib cage expanding wide as he took voluntary breathes. His eyes were shut tight but you felt him lean into your hand that was still holding his cheek.

"Are you with me?" You asked softly, he leaned into your hand again, his hand slowly made it up to his face and he placed his hand over yours, gently guiding it down to his lips; his kisses to your palm were long and filled with their own language.

"I'm here," his voice cut out and became a breath, but you heard him. His eyes looked up before his head moved, he locked eyes with you and something changed.

It was like he was seeing you for the first time, eyes a little wide and confused; but knowing at the same time. They became misty the more he looked, he was never one to cry so he dropped his head to cover the tears.

"It's okay," you hushed, he dropped your hand and leaned forward, basically throwing his entire body weight onto you. You fell back to the floor and he cried in your chest, you saw some of his hair fall with him. "Let it out," your arms wrapped around him and began to rub all along his back, huge, gentle, soothing rubs.

"I-I killed you all," his voice sounded like a dog panting from his short breathes that came when he talked, "I- couldn't s-stop," his 's' slithered like snakes as he tries get sufficient air and talk.

"We're all here, just a dream." It was the same mantra, "we're all here, you're safe, it was a nightmare, you're out of it now. There you go, big breathes, you're doing great, you're a pro at this, keep breathing." You let the broken record play, he seemed to get smaller at every praise.

He sat up and leaned against the bed, Bucky pulled his sleeve around his fist to hold it tight. When he wiped his face it was aggressive, like he was mad at himself. He just stared at you like he always did, you were alway involved in his dreams so he needed to look at you to stay grounded.

"Sorry," his 's' still slurred, "I-...I'm sorry," he wanted to say something else, you could hear it in his tone. His head dropped, Bucky almost fell over at the sight of his hair, "did I do that?" He asked, his nose turned up.

All you did was nod, any verbal answer would've sounded almost grossed out or accusatory. He sighed and looked between the hair and you, he wanted to say something, he'd already stopped himself once.

"Tell me," you whispered.

"I want to cut my hair," Bucky responded softly, "I-I also want to sleep on the floor from now own." He seemed ashamed of the second ask.

"You like the cold?" You tried to figure him out.

"That and it's...comforting...I think," Bucky scratched his head, his metal hand slowing at the thin spot from tugging, "it just grounds me, I'm not used to fluffy things- nicer things."

"How about a mattress pad, you're back will scream at you in the morning." You tried to lighten the mood, he smiled a bit and then nodded. "How about you come sleep in my room tonight, just so I can keep an eye on you and if you want to sleep on my firm mattress you can hop on, how's that?" You stood and held your hand out, Bucky nodded and clapped his metal hand to yours.

You led him down the hallway and to your room, it was really quiet and almost off putting. You slept barefoot so the sound of soft footsteps from your feet was the only thing you heard, Bucky wore socks.

He went straight to your bed and felt the mattress, both hands pressing down on it to see the give it has. You felt a little happy when he was nodding in a positive way; his bottom lip also pouted out.

Bucky slipped in and you joined as well, he stayed still for a while, on his back and staring at the ceiling.

"Y'know, you can cuddle," you whispered, without another second to blink Bucky's face rested on your chest, his arm circled your body completely in a tight hug. Your hands found their way to his back and to his hair, softly lulling him to sleep, "I'll cut your hair in the morning."

"Love you," he murmured.

#bucky barns fluff #bucky oneshot #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #fatws bucky #bucky x reader #bucky fluff #bucky x female reader #bucky barns

714 notes · View notes