#idk lots of nonsense today. also hi again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

scoutpologist · 9 months

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i'm honestly considering remaking because i seriously think something about having the same account for so many years is scary. like i don't want to delete this account but i sort of really do?

#op #BEWARE these tags are A LOT #i don't like having a very strong presence in places anymore. i like making an impact but #the second i feel too insecure in the situation i'm OUT #i prefer being able to move on at will yk? i like being able to vanish it feels so freeing #before this i've had like 3-4 blogs on completely different accounts and once i left the fandom i just deleted my blog #like no warning no anything just deleting it #and those people literally never heard from me again and that's really comforting idk how to describe it #i get super restless after using the same account for a long time #and someone linking two accounts i've previously had not only annoys me it really really scares me #i've gotten pretty paranoid over the years that if anyone knew who i really was they'd hate me lmao #which is why i really like moving on from groups #i guess it means something that i'm sticking around for this one. sootpologist is my oldest blog ever and i wanna keep it that way #but i don't know if i should just leave the account for a while and go to a new one for a bit? make this more of a home base and make a #secondary blog? fuck man who knows #idk lots of nonsense today. also hi again

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volturissideslut · 9 months

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Hi darling angel!

So I'm in the mood for some angst!

Could you write about poly! Volturi kings x reader who after an argument with them (why idk) is very quiet, because they told reader that their voice is annoying and complaining how annoying their voice is.

What would they do?

I was thinking a lil sexy time? (about how much they love their voice lol)

𝖁𝖔𝖑𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖎 𝖐𝖎𝖓𝖌𝖘 (𝕻𝖔𝖑𝖞)

I love this idea so much, you have no idea. It's not really an argument, just a snide comment confirming a previous insecurity.

All throughout your childhood, you had been told to "be quiet" or "Shut up. Your voice is annoying" and it had taken a lot of time and a lot of self growth to get to the point you were talkative again

All to be shreded to pieces by a singular comment

It was Caius who said it, snappy after a particularly difficult day

All of them were exhausted, which is difficult for a vampire to get to, and you wouldn't stop going on and on about your day. The plot twist in the book you were reading, the new café you went tried out, the cat you saw on the street and-

"For heavens sake, do you ever stop talking?"

Oh

Instant shut down, all those years of work in being comfortable with your own voice beginning to crack,only to be shattered further

"Your voice is particularly grating today and it would serve you well to stop"

Marcus spared you a glance, but nodded in agreement while Aro just sighed and sat still with his head in his hand

They wanted you to be quiet, and so you were. With a simple nod, you turned around to walk out and they seemed appreciative at the time

Hours passed and they had begun to miss you. Well, Marcus had. Aro also wanted that familiar comfort that you bring. Caius still needed to cool off, still slumped in his chair, but knew that he needed you soon too.

And so, one by one, in the space of around an hour, they came looking for you

"Tesoro, there you are. What are you doing?" Marcus asked with a small smile, wanting to join you

And you had wanted to respond,you really did. But your voice felt stuck in your throat.

Unable to speak, you looked at him and gave a weak smile, turning back to what you were doing

And his face falls

"Tesoro?"

No response

"would you like space?"

A nod. And he leaves.

Aro would be next to see you, wanting that love and warmth you bring. Still unaware of your state, he'd ask you to sing for him.

Just a sweet little lullaby like you did so often. So warm, so loving, so comforting

And yet you didn't even open your mouth

Tears came to your eyes, insecurity and anxiety rising, and yet still unable to communicate anything vocally.

"Amore mio, are you alright?" he would ask, stroking your hair so nicely. So lovingly, almost as if he hadn't completely disregarded you, agreeing with your mates and confirming your biggest insecurity

And yet you couldn't even tell him, voice still stuck

You were cursed by your own brain

All you could do is look at him, teary eyed. Unconsciously, you had touched your throat, mout opening and closing yet no words coming out

"Is it your throat? Does it hurt?"

A nod and a shake

His voice is so achingly soft, oozing with care and worry. A very stark contrast indeed.

He'd call the nearest guard to fetch the other kings for him, and they come rushing

I mean, of course they would. You're everything to them

Caius would kiss the back oglf your hand softly, being patient for what seems like the first time in his lifs. Marcus would have his face buried in your neck, breathing you in and keeping you as close as possible. Aro says where he was before, hand on your cheek as you struggle to for words.

Life's a funny thing, isn't it? While it seems you were unable to get a singular word out in front of them earlier, now it seems that you just can't stop. It all comes out in a jumbles mess of nonsense for them to piece together yet they still stay, listening to you intently.

"oh, my love" Aro would say, never looking away as they listened to you

And when i say they listened, I mean they really really listened

Profuse apologies from Caius because he had never meant to hurt you, he was just exhausted and lashing out and unfortunately you were the one in his path

Marcus is silent, just holding your hand and holding you close. It's later when your alone together that he apologises. He wanted it to feel more meaningful, more personal and felt this was the way to do it

They make a conscious effort to not dismiss you now, even though they didn't really do it much before either

And when you sing for Aro as he so often ask you to, you get twice as much praise as usual

#twilight #volturi #twilight renascence #x reader #headcannons #twilight saga #hc #volturisideslut #volturissideslut #volturi kings #aro #aro volturi x reader #aro volturi #marcus volturi x reader #marcus volturi #caius volturi x reader #caius #caius volturi #twilight imagine

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ethereal-maniac · 1 month

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omgg I js got the best idea idk if u did this already but the reader has curly hair and does it everyday so the ghouls haven’t seen their natural hair so when they’re straightener stops working they have to wear it natural(I’m rlly insecure ab my hair it gets so frizzy n wild😭😭 p.s ik it’s a lot bear w me pls AND UR THE BEST WRITER EVER BABE<333

A/n: Omg stop you got me kickin my feet n shit, I would be delighted to fulfil your request. I wasn't sure if you meant head canons or a fic so I did head canons, I hope thats alright! (Also decided on Era 4 Ghouls) 😚🩷

GenderNeutral!Reader x Sodo, Swiss, Phantom, Aether, Rain, Mountain, Cumulus, Cirrus and Copia (seperate)

❗️TW❗️: none, just fluff :)

SODO

He immediately pictures running his fingers through your wild hair when your on your knees- but then notices you seem a little skittish.

Man is your body guard for the whole day, if anyone comments about how it's 'too frizzy' or 'too tangled' they are getting a furious Ghoul in their face with a set of sharp teeth ready to gnaw the flesh off their bones.

You're way to gorgeous to hear that sort of nonsense.

--------

SWISS

He has pretty crazy hair too sometimes so he understands your struggle and doesn't complain when you take some extra time each morning to do your hair.

But boy does he wish for your straightener to be broken forever.

He can't stop grinning at you and walking up to you all day just to smell your hair, pet your head, then walk away again.

Specifically in that order, don't ask, he's just a little obsessed.

--------

PHANTOM

He can’t help but try to groom your hair a little when you express how much you wish your hair straightener was working.

He takes your face in his hands and tilts it down so he can run the rough of his tongue over your hair, trying to tame the strands.

He quickly stops when you let out a yelp of surprise.

“What? You said you wanted your hair straight?” He asks with wide eyes.

“Not like that baby,” you laugh, pulling him into your arms.

“I think I prefer your hair like this, it suits you a lot,” he trills.

--------

AETHER

He purrs louder when you walk into the bedroom to find him still in bed, telling him that your hair straightener’s broken.

He smiles with droopy eyes and makes grabby hands for you, then proceeds to rub his face against your hair when you lie next to him.

“It’s so pretty my love,” he murmurs while trying to practically suffocate himself in your hair, his arms trapping you against him.

--------

RAIN

He seeks you out during the day more than usual just to twirl curls of your hair around his fingers.

He nods dumbly as you talk, not really taking in much that's being said.

He then proceeds to randomly interrupt you as you complain about some menace in the library saying softly, "I really like your hair today."

--------

MOUNTAIN

He is in love all over again.

He was shocked when you walked into the greenhouse with crazy hair, he can't stop looking at it with wide eyes while trying to touch it.

He wants to get on his knees and beg you to never straighten it again but he understands it's easier for you.

(Just don't leave him alone with your straightener, he will tear it to shreds, I repeat he will tear it to shreds).

--------

CUMULUS

She really likes this look on you, messy and free.

She tries out a LOT of hairstyles on you, human and Ghoulish styles.

She will probably hide your hair straightener every couple of months when it's fixed again.

Don't be mad, she just wants to see your hair in all it's glory once in a while. :(

You know that hairstyle that couples do where they put their hair in a joint plait?

Yeah. That happens. And you have to find Copia to try and help untangling it.

--------

CIRRUS

She sits you down immediately.

You must know your hair looks very majestic.

She gets a brush out at random times during the day to gently seat you in front of her so she can brush your hair and play with it for a while before letting you continue on with your day, she kind of likes the 'frizzy' texture.

She, like Phantom, also attempts to groom your hair multiple times because it ‘tastes like you’.

--------

COPIA

Oh man he loves to see you embracing your natural hair, even though you didn’t really have a choice.

If he can’t spend the whole day in bed with you, he’ll ask for you to just be with him while he works around the abbey so he can card his fingers through your hair.

He finds it extra soothing when it’s your natural hair, un-straightened.

He doesn’t really know why but to him it just really feels like you.

Do not copy, translate or transfer (plaigarise) any of my fics.

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sunakittymeow · 1 month

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Hiii! I love ur work! I would love to see timeskip pro athlete! Kageyama with supermodel/celebrity! Gf in ur style! they would look so hot together and be the ultimate it couple of Tokyo <33 I love this idea sm and I can’t wait to read your take on it!! <3

Summery: kagyama with a girlfriend who is super model and actress.

Genre: Fluff??

A/n: i just wrote it in my style. Hope you like it. I didn't made it long cus idk what to write more. Don't worry you can see better version in future 😭. And also request more if you want. Thank you. Feedbacks are appreciated. Not proof read.

"Tobio you have to go for an interview."

Kagayama's manager informed him. The black haired male didn't liked to give interviews or wether you could say doesn't know what to say. He was scared that he could spit out some nonsense. Poor boy was confused how interview works.

slightly nodding his head he started to strech his body outta no where to motivate himself.

he checked his phone if he had any notifications, there was three messages and one was from his girlfriend and other was from his friends or more like teammates.

Soon he headed out to give the interview.

"Hello Tobio-kun"

"Hi"

The questions were all about volleyball and how he plays etc. but that one question struck his brain and he didn't knew what to say.

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Uh"

poor boy looked at the manager for help while the manager's slightly turned downwards preventing himself from laughing.

"Sorry, miss the time is up. Thank you"

the manager and tobio bowed to the interviewer and left as soon as possible.

"Thanks"

"For what?"

"For saving me?"

the manager let out a short laugh in response.

"How was the game?"

"Tiring"

tobuo looked at his girlfriend, tiredness was dripping from both of their eyes.

"Someone asked me if I had a girlfriend."

the girl frowned.

"Ehh, really? Well it's nothing to be shoked of. You are a player. A very handsome one. So I don't see anything wrong here"

Tobio nodded.

"Do you want to make our relationship...uhmm..public??"

the black haired male looked at his girlfriend, hoping say you would say yes. It was tired some for him to avoid the question again and again. Does people can't tell that he doesn't want to reveal it? Whatever it is it's purely because he was tired. Or was it something else?

"Uhm, i won't say that i have never thought about it. But will you be okay?"

"Why won't I be?"

Hearing that thing from your boyfriend made you happy and you let out a giggle.

"Okay, I will make our relationship public."

bird's chirping can be heard in the morning. It was barely 8 am. You woke up since you didn't wanted to lay down in bed anymore. And decided to make breakfast and all.

While you were making breakfast a deep voice spoke out.

"Morning"

You looked at tobio and smiled in return. He turned on the tv to watch his match from yesterday. But instead of his match there was a big news headline.

"Welcome everyone, today's breaking news is The model and actress L/N Y/N and famous vollyball player Kageyma Tobio were seen together at a hotel and also in a restaurant together lot of times. Source had been taking proofs now we can say with pure trust that they are indeed in a relationship"

Kagayama raised his brows in surprise and turned his head towards you. He thought you would be shoked but instead of a shoking expression you had a teasing smile.

"Looks like your wish came true. We didn't had to do anything"

#kageyama x reader #hq x reader #suna x reader #oikawa x reader #akaashi x reader #bokuto x reader #kenma x reader #hq x you #ushijima x reader #tendou x reader #osamu x reader #atsumu x reader

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neodreamgirl · 2 months

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~Manifesting Seunghan's Return~

I am writing this post so that I can manifest Seunghan's return. Do I think it will work? Absolutely not LMAO however, I do think it is worth trying. For God's sake I just want to see my boy back with his 6 goofy friends ripping stages and making history.

Now, I don't follow any specific template or rules when I want to manifest something. I don't do crystals or do tarot readings for this. I literally put it into the universe by speaking or writing it down and put my trust into all the things I PERSONALLY BELIEVE IN to make things happen. What exactly do I say or write? My gut feelings, hopes and thoughts. That's it.

Mmkay...I shall begin

-Recently a former member of NCT made a comeback that no one was expecting or even wanting...with the exception of his fans. I'm not sure why, but something tells me to expect something similar in the case of Seunghan. There are many people that think he (Seunghan) is going to get kicked out of RIIZE after going quiet for probably as long as the former NCT member. Because SM is...SM, I can understand why some people would believe that and honestly, I don't see why I should throw that option out the door because quite honestly, I don't know what the fuck goes on behind it.

-HOWEVER, in Seunghan's case, if he were to make a comeback and return to our precious RIIZE, I strongly believe it will be after RIIZE has established itself as a group. My gut is telling me that it is likely that he returns after they drop their mini album, however, it isn't clear. My gut is telling me that their management is taking this very seriously because they invested a lot in RIIZE and are hoping that they are the next big group in SM. Also, I am not too sure what my gut means exactly when it says that Seunghan is likely to come back after RIIZE establishes itself as a group. I don't know if it means winning a specific award or what exactly.

-If his comeback is RIIZE's next comeback, which I believe will be their mini album, then we should expect to see random sightings of him, which have already started. Two people claimed to have spotted him shopping in Hongdae in late February. Literally today (Marh 06) an article was released that confirmed RIIZE will have a comeback next month, and in this article they mentioned all 7 members. Then, the article was updated to not mention him... Suddenly his name is making noise again.

-I feel like his team genuinely does not want him to be removed from RIIZE, though. I think many of them believe that the backlash he received was insane and unfair.

-When he comes back, there will 100% be a song about regret

-I think there is a huge likelihood that he will return to us because his scandals were not crimes or morally wrong. I'm mad they're even called scandals tbh but anyway

-I have two images in my head: a twitter post about seunghan in a couple of years praising him for his hard work and remembering the nonsense he was put through in his early debut days. The post praises him for overcoming obstacles that he faced and for becoming one of the most celebrated idols....the second one is another twitter post that feels very sad. The person that wrote the post feels like Seunghan was wronged and is disappointed...The post is also in the future, years from now.

-I don't feel the second post as strongly as the first.

-Idk I keep seeing these images in my head that feel like relief, praise, and bittersweet. Compilation videos of the RIIZE members looking at Seunghan fondly

Okay...Enough about my thoughts and gut feelings...

I hope that Seunghan returns to us very soon. I hope the people around him acknowledge how unnecessary this "hiatus" is. I understand that they probably felt like hiding him because they didn't want to tarnish the group's image (whatever), but it has been far too long. I think they kept him locked away because they realized RIIZE was riding a high wave and they didn't want any scandal to interrupt them.

Actually now that I think about it...What if my gut feeling of them waiting for RIIZE to be more established is actually them waiting for the right time for them to garner enough fans and anticipation to release theirr first mini album? RIIZE has established itself as a pretty powerful rookie group despite all the "backlash" they received (using the word backlash very loosely here btw). They have the entire industry waiting on their mini album so what if now is when Seunghan returns?!

I don't want to get anyone's hopes up, but right now would be a good time to bring him up IF what I am saying is true... Anyway,

I hope that Seunghan is able to return to practice with his friends. I wish for him to be locked in and focused in the studio making music with his friends. I want Seunghan to tell the world how cute he thinks Sohee is, how Shotaro is actually the real maknae, I want to see him play around with Eunseok. I want to see him dance with Shotaro and Wonbin. I want him to joke around with Anton. I need to see him talking to Sungchan. I hope that all of these things can be done soon, on camera, for the entire world to see. I want the world to see Seunghan as a member of RIIZE. RIIZE has to promote as a 7 member group.

RIIZE is a 7 member group.

7. 7. 7. 7. 7. 7. 7.

Seunghan will return.

7. 7. 7. 7. 7. 7. 7.

7

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desultory-suggestions · 9 months

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just asking for advice, you're not forced to answer ofc

i struggle a lot with motivation, when i force myself to do things, it just doesn't feel right, and i feel so guilty about it, things like going to school or even brushing my teeth, it's all pointless and physically exhausting

idk if i'm just lazy or smt

anyway, any tips for folks with low motivation?

Hello, love! Thank you for your patience. Motivation is such a common struggle. I use some unconventional study and motivation tactics personally, as someone with ADHD and Dyslexia I have to get through a lot of nonsense to do basic things. First, you are not lazy! The idea today of laziness is very frustrating to me, and I feel is built on capitalist (and white supremacist) ideals. See the NAP Ministry.

According to The (USA) National Library of Medicine, "Executive dysfunction is commonly seen in major depression. The types of executive deficits seen in depression include problems with planning, initiating, and completing goal-directed activities." Anyone struggling with depression, whether an episode or long-term can struggle with these basic tasks. So how can we deal with this?

Some different techniques that may help:

Talk through the tasks you need to do out loud. You can discuss them in linear order or not. Don't focus on making them perfect and detailed, just explain it like you would to a friend.

Explain what you are doing as if someone is watching you/you're teaching someone. This is how I motivate myself when studying/working out/etc. and shows you that you do know what you are doing.

Break tasks down into smaller pieces to help them be more manageable, or simplify the ones that seem too complicated. (For this I need to do x, then y, then z. I don't need to overthink brushing my teeth, it's okay to just go do it.

Ask someone to be your accountability buddy. Body doubling/parallel play can be very useful. I ask my partner to brush his teeth with me so I have someone else there.

Accept that you don't need to do 100% of everything. You can't brush, floss, and use mouthwash? Okay brush for even just thirty seconds, it's better than nothing!

Utilize tools, but don't try to make it fancy. Aesthetics can be helpful and motivating, they can also apply pressure to make everything look good. Google Calendar or a messy notebook is good enough.

Surrounds tasks with cushioning time to relax. Even for little tasks, you can promise yourself rest before and after. Likewise, do enjoyable things during arduous tasks. Watch a silly video, playa. song!

Consider what the biggest obstacle is. Does it feel pointless? Do you want to do it? If not, why not? How can you change what is making you avoidant? If you do want to, what feels like it's stopping you? A specific fear? Or an impenetrable wall? These questions help define the next steps.

Accept you cannot do everything, especially not when you are suffering. You deserve help and it's okay to ask for it. Professional help is important when conquering issues with motivation whether from depression, ADHD, etc. Medications, therapy, and more can improve your mood.

Some tools I use:

Brushout - An app to help you brush your teeth for the right amount of time. Simple, and makes a nice dinging sound. Can be added as a widget to your home screen on iPhones.

Google Calendar - Also simple. Easy to click and add events and get reminders for things creeping up on you.

Mnemosyne Notebook - Ok the brand doesn't matter but the paper in this is so smooth and it makes me want to use it. But yes a notebook to organize thoughts.

Little Treats - I like to keep little snacks and treats around for working on things I have been struggling with. You don't have to wait until after, let yourself fuse joy with your efforts.

You do not need to be ashamed for struggling. No matter the reason or the manner, we all go through difficult things. Reach out, and don't give up. Feel free to ask for more information or advice again.

Best,

Evan

#asks #anon #motivation #executive dysfunction #procrastination #depressiom #adhd #education #school #studyblr #depressive episode

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rokirokiro · 1 year

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Shuichi Saihara x reader (he overworked again!)

bulleted headcanon, reader's gender is not specified so gn reader

cw : no proofread again as I immediately went back to study after writing this I'm sorry, platonic romantic kinda idk, probably bad English but it's my second or third language but uh oh.

this guy is canonically a people pleaser, sacrificing his time and sweat to make people happy (Danganronpa S, Ultimate Detectives interaction) (if I'm not wrong idk)

he would mostly spend his time working on his detective jobs, helping people on their missing nothings and give his detective intuited inputs for people who need his aid.

but this time, he worked himself a bit too hardly.

he woke up at 4 am, collecting materials for the crime case that he was given to. the case was harder than his usual and it took him hours of analytical thinking and he constantly made coffees to stay awake.

night before, he slept super late preparing documents for the same exact case too.

he undoubtedly has grown tired of seeing the same words and being not able to figure out things out of them, but as a committed detective, he considered it as part of his job and he took it very seriously.

he's the type that put others before himself, and in this case, he ignored his health and wellness to put an end to the case.

he neglected his well-being. like instead of eating actual meals, he stored a lot of noodle cups at his place as he doesn't want to waste his time making and eating a meal (what a Kanade Yoisaki from the hit game Project Sekai Colorful Stage ft Hatsune Miku move). not to mention he also do his job in his usual leisure time so he practically doesn't have time focused to himself.

and of course, as the good best friend you are, you constantly check on him and brought him foods when you have the time because years of friendship with this guy made you discover one thing about himself. a hardcore people pleaser. his inferiority complex doesn't help too.

but today, he's working outside so you two will be separated until the end of the day.

it was your usual evening, and you were strolling around (a place idk free imagination section), killing time and such. you were talking to Maki via call (see her as your close friend, please)

"Maki, I have an idea. let's go shopping at the town this weekend! I'm sure it will be super fun!"

"I got nothing to buy so I see no reason to. go ask for someone else, Saihara, for instance."

"but he's buzy! I can barely see him nowadays unless I go to check on him and serve him food!" you whines

"I'm sure he would ditch his work to go with you, (name)."

"Wwwhat are you talking about?? he's very determined into solving all his cases so that won't happening! don't talk nonsense, Maki!"

(Maki carved a little smirk without you knowing)

"right, but he will still go with you. that's the kind of guy he is, anyway."

"I don't want to tire him after all his detective wor- AAAH!"

you screamed into the phone right to Makis ear, resulting her pulling away from her phone and covered her ear with one hand.

"what the.. don't scream like that! what's wrong??"

"IT'S, IT'S SAIHARA! he's laying at the floor now! ah I'll hang the call now Maki!"

turns out, you found the said person laying unconsciously at the front door.

his face was kissing the ground, body completely facing the floor.

you took a breather and took a necessary move by calling out his name multiple times and shaked him a bit. but he remained not responsive.

you wanted to freak out so bad but you thought it wouldn't be wise to do that, so you started taking him by the shoulder and dragged him to his room.

his body weight made it harder for you to step forward but you weren't discouraged,

so you carried him bridal style to fasten the process instead.

after some time, the guy slowly opened his eyes to see a sight of a familiar ceiling, he's in his own room.

"what am I.."

he raised a hand and rub his aching beating head, probably the impact from his fall to the hard ground. he carefully brought himself to lean at the wall and recall what happened.

in the exact moment, the sound of the wooden door creaking made he turned his attention to the entrance. a familiar friend was pushing the door with a feet as the person carefully hold a tray of food into his room.

it was you.

you looked up to meet his gaze and your face brightens, quickly step foward to his bed.

"Saihara! you awake. I'm glad that you're okay."

"hold up, no you're not. you collapsed. what happened?"

"I bet it's because you're too into your work! oh and anyways, you should be eating first. we'll talk later."

you lifted a plate of Omelette to his lap and gave him a spoon and a fork, along with a glass of water that you put at the table by his side. you also prepared him some apple slices, too.

he wanted to answer you first, but the food before his eyes are super mouth watering especially when he starved himself since yesterday and only took those bitter coffee plus noodle cups. so he took a bite, and another, and another.

"I cooked that. it's delicious, isn't it? simple but I think you don't have the energy to chew on fancy meals anyway"

he nodded.

and embarrassed with the fact that you're gazing at his features as he eat. but that made him realized that you're super concerned of him and made him blush even harder.

you're such an angel.

he was eyeing on the apple slice but he took the water instead. you noticed this and smile a little,

"I know you wanted it. it's for you anyway."

"ah, yes.."

Shuichi shyly grabbed the apple slices and put a few in his mouth. the juices of the fruit filled the caravan of his mouth, refreshing his entire body.

he looked so cute like this,

after finishing his dish, he wiped his mouth with a tissue and put the plate on his table.

"thank you, (name). I think I did collapsed on my way here. did you brought me in too? thank you again, haha.."

"don't haha me, mister. how dare you neglected your health like that. maybe I should've follow you to your office and become your caretaker for the time being."

"ahahah, please don't be.., I finished the case so I won't be like this again. sorry for making you worried and troubled you, (name)."

his replies are weak

but your heart is weaker to scold him in his unstable state.

"it's alright, Saihara. but please don't overwork yourself again in the future."

you said as you put the cutlery in the tray, ready to be washed.

"ah and also!"

you faced him, who was seemed to be blushing. (but you didn't say anything)

"thank you so much for helping me, (name). I wouldn't know what to do without you. and for you to go as far as cooking something for me, I wish I could repay you.."

"....you can repay me by taking a rest, Saihara. and it's my responsibility to look after you, after all. I'm just doing my job here."

you removed your eyes and now looking at anything that's not him, red streaks are visible at your cheeks.

"and when the time comes, I'll surely take care of you too, (name). but no, actually no, I'll always do my best to take care of you as the returning favour too.."

and now you two are blushing like crazy. wahahah

you immediately excused yourself to the cafeteria/kitchen (whatever) and brought your tray with you.

"(name)!"

you stopped your tracks to see him, humming.

"well, um, can you come back after washing the dishes? I.. I think I haven't spend much time with you this whole time s-so I thought.."

"I thought I can reclaim the times now.."

your eyes were widen by the statement, biting your lower inner lip as a way to hold your urge to scream.

you're so in love with this man.

".. I told you to rest, idiot."

"but if, if that's what you want, then,,"

"I'll be back!"

you raced to the kitchen and did everything you need to, unknowingly smiling by yourself and excited to to return to him.

Extra : Maki called you and ask if hes okay and you three along with Himiko/or whoever went to the city anyway.

Extra note : bro why are my dialogues are always so corny ass like when I was about to write it I was like, this gon be the one but when I reread the sentence I was like, Gosh did I fr write this garbage kinda like conversation?? please don't bash me y'all.

another Extra note : where are the other Shuichi x reader writers please be active I beg I'm tired of refreshing the tag and see my same art everytime 😞

#shuichi saihara x reader #saihara shuichi x reader #danganronpa x reader #shuichi saihara #drv3 #danganronpa

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acatinafancyhat · 9 months

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Watched Chess Netherlands today because... well, I can 🙃 It was surprisingly not all horrible. Definitely flawed and problematic but it had some parts I really liked! Of course I had lots of thoughts again so here is me venting them. 99% sure no one else cares about Dutch Chess but what the hell, tumblr is for screaming into the void right? ✨️

Act I

- You can instantly tell this is a Dutch production because the championships take place in what looks like a school gym. I mean we do our rubiks cube tournaments there. Is fine for chess, no?

- Explaining chess to the audience bc that's what the show is really missing

- Many Svenska Vibes

- Anatoly with an i is the most Dutch Soviet Russian i've ever met. Just, no nonsense. 'go take care of my children woman.' Calling each other names is how we show affection <3

- I will say the boys (Anatoli's kids) playing chess during the opening is a nice touch

- Story of Chess also has very to the point lyrics. "chess requires reticence so u don't kill each other" see now this actually sets up the show real well :)

- Awkward humor no one laughs at ✅️

- Anatoli's kind of a downer

- Freddie's sort of charming but his relationship with Florence is gonna be garbage i can tell

- strike 1: ableism

- (honestly he just reminds me of every Dutch white guy on tv)

- strike 2: assault

- Florence is already so done with his shit good for her

- also "with me there, he is brilliant" tru tru

- Singing Nobody's Side while random people have a lil party behind her?

- oh it's an excuse for karaoke ONIB

-Are they really gonna do the whole song though do we really need that

-lol Freddie pushes karaoke guy off stage so he can finish the song. honey this is a little early in the show to be getting this drunk what are you doing she hasn't even left you yet

- Arbiter leads morning exercise... ok well why not

- No dancing during the chess game. It's cool we can just watch two guys play chess from a distance for a couple minutes. Fun times.

- Freddie sticks his gum under the table real subtle like he hasn't got multiple cameras pointed at him right now

- Actually on second thought i think the chess game might be better without the dancing. Characters are doing interesting things. The contrast between Anatoli sitting stiffly at the table while Freddie is prancing around fistfighting the cameras is Most Amusing :)

- Did he just try to make Anatoli's move for him omg 🤣

- Freddie @ arbiter "uh it might be time u keep things under control around here" and off he runs HE'S SUCH A LITTLE SHIT ngl i kinda love him here

- However Florence's defense of him just seems completely unreasonable considering toli literally just. sat there. the whole time.

- Anatolyi gets the 'i'm ridiculous' monologue like in Svenska

- 'Hey my people killed your people oops now let me sing a song in the language you probably don't remember and it's somehow romantic and not creepy or overstepping any boundaries at all :)'

- Running away from Molokov in a shittier version of Svenska. Meh. But again they are aware of the lack of embassies in and around Merano which I do appreciate bc i'm pedantic like that

- Freddie: hey what's she doing with that Russian

Freddie: hmmm idk

Freddie: they're definitely talking abt me tho 🤨

- Flo & toli have a healthy conversation about the fact that he just left his kids behind i support that!!

- However this timing/setting for Anthem sucks. He's just singing it to Florence. And it's literally about how he misses his family? Weak. This needs to be an epic declaration of love for his homeland to all the world not whining to your girlfriend. Ugh can't believe they fucking ruined Anthem!

- So far all of this strikes me as discount Svenska but without the investment in Flonatoly and the only thing it's really got going for it is a handful of good lines BUT we'll see about act 2...

Act II

- Why the fuck would you start your second act with Merchandisers?

- Nice audience interaction though, it doesn't completely not work

- But following it up with Heaven Help My Heart is hmmmmmm really not ideal pacing-wise.

- Freddie's woman verse is even more cringe in Dutch i can't accurately translate it but it's so..... yikes..... The word he uses instead of "woman" ("popje") literally means "little doll/puppet" (but with slightly different connotations). It's sometimes used as a term of endearment but in this scene it is very much derogatory and ew.

- "here I stand wondering / if I ever knew you / have I ever really known who you are?" I like this translation!

- Pity the Child pulls no punches (does it ever?) He's so pathetic, he's such an asshole, and as a teacher I weirdly feel this one (at one point he talks about how no one ever noticed him at school either and just... oof don't get me started). Also the desperate rapid-fire chess game he plays against himself in the musical break and during the final verse--that needs to be in more versions holy fuck go watch this bit it's GOOD!!

- The Deal but without a political angle. Fascinating.

- No

- no. no no no i hate this i hate this Freddie wouldn't sacrifice his game not even for Florence NO. CANCELED.

- Interestingly instead of honey/parner, Freddie uses the same word as in the woman verse when he's talking to Florence during The Deal but this time it's the endearment variant. That's a little bit problematic.

- Molokov's plan is still to bring Flo and Sveta together even though Anatoli is now supposed to win 🤷‍♂️

- Anatoli casually downs several shots of liquor (vodka?) during Soviet Machine. not sure this will help him win the game but at least he sleeps through Russian Guy screaming that final whoooooooo high note in his ear

- Florence tests Freddie's chair... demands they bring a different one... is she still working for him? idk. I'm guessing it's meant to be sweet but it just looks silly to me idk

- Fuck reverse I Know Him So Well honestly. "he wants me / no he wants me" boo fucking hoo. You two deserve each other.

- Oh! Oh! Talking Chess, yay! 😁

- Gosh this is actually really cute?!? Freddie literally just came to discuss this random chess gambit he came across and thought was interesting? Nothing even to do with their current game just 'hey found this thing i thought you might like and i like and can we be friends now i really like chess 😶'

- Unlike in Svenska and RAH, I actually don't know for sure who is going to win this game. They do a good job of making this really about chess in the end. I like it.

- Freddie reminding toli it's about chess even during their match now that is the freddie i came to see!

- He calmly sips his water as Sveta and Florence are physically removed from the premises

- It is Quite Unfortunate that this production hates women...

- Really they seem to only be here to get in the men's way. Ugh.

- I don't support any of the relationships except Freddie and Toli being pen pals and playing long distance chess for the rest of their lives.

- Ending feels a little OOC but still nice to see some healthy Freddie & Flo interaction for once 😌

tldr; not the worst production out there, worth watching if you've already seen Svenska and don't mind Freddie being the most likeable character. (okay likeable is not the right word he sucks but, you know. He reminds me of RAH Freddie but slightly more yike.) PTC and Talking Chess are highlights!

#chess musical #thoughts #long post #was thinking of making a translation/subs for this maybe but idk if anyone would be interested..?

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saras-devotionals · 16 days

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Quiet Time 4/11

What am I feeling today?

physical pain, it still hasn’t gone away. also excitement but worry about the birthday dinner for my brother tonight because it completely slipped my mind that I have clinical tomorrow. A little anxious about my final today, I pray that I’m successful! Also, I had a really weird dream, it was so detailed and I don’t know who the guy was but it was just so odd.

Luke 24 NIV

(v. 1-8) “On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words.”

I just still think it’s really incredible that women were the ones who discovered the empty tomb and they were the ones the angels appeared to! It shows a form of respect and love from God that I think is really sweet and honoring.

(v. 10-11) “It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense.”

Not to throw any shade to the apostles but did they not believe them because it sounded impossible (and came from women)? Or was it just the nonsense of it? Would they have reacted differently if three or more of the brothers had told them this? Was it a credibility issue? Then again, it is pretty insane to claim that someone has rose from the dead so I can understand.

(v. 15-16) “As they talked and discussed these things with each other, Jesus himself came up and walked along with them; but they were kept from recognizing him.”

I always wondered about this, what exactly did Jesus do that they couldn’t recognize him? Like it boggles my mind that he walked among them and they just didn’t realize it was him!

(v. 30-31) “When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight.”

So what happened?! Did it just click? Was it like a mist fell away from their eyes? And then Jesus just disappeared! Why? I just wish I was able to know what actually happened :(

(v. 36-39) “While they were still talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and said to them, “Peace be with you.” They were startled and frightened, thinking they saw a ghost. He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Look at my hands and my feet. It is I myself! Touch me and see; a ghost does not have flesh and bones, as you see I have.””

Idk why but the first thing I got from this was Jesus confirming ghosts😅 but then that brings up a lot of questions that I’ll ask someone else. Besides that! Jesus was with them and in the flesh! Like as an actual person! In a physical body among them! That’s incredible!!

(v. 44-49) “He said to them, “This is what I told you while I was still with you: Everything must be fulfilled that is written about me in the Law of Moses, the Prophets and the Psalms.” Then he opened their minds so they could understand the Scriptures. He told them, “This is what is written: The Messiah will suffer and rise from the dead on the third day, and repentance for the forgiveness of sins will be preached in his name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.””

I love this because I ask for the same -> He opened their minds so they could understand the scriptures! I think it’s wise to pray for understanding when you’re reading so God can reveal what you need to get out of His word. Also! Just Jesus confirming to them how he has accomplished all that was said about him in the OT🤗

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hekateinhell · 1 year

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In your hour of need I encourage you to remember Trinity Gate 🥹 How it served as the background for Louis and Armand’s rediscovery of their love for one another after it had “died” almost a century prior, where Daniel and Armand reunited and resumed their love affair as if the last 20 years had never happened, where Riccardo made himself known to Armand after so long to never leave his side again, where Armand finally started to heal and slowly but surely went back to being himself. A place for reunions, forgiveness and love. But also I live for your angsty thoughts even if they make me want to dig up a hole in the earth and never come out xoxo DA ♥️ hopefully I’ll go back to being my smutty self soon but you’re making it really hard rn!!! 🫠

Ah shit, I broke DA... 🫠🫠🫠

But isn't it the best thing? It's so beautiful and subtle what Anne did with Trinity Gate... It's not the focus of any book and it's not the focus of Lestat's story, but as an Armand girl, I can say that I was more or less completely satisfied with his arc and how he came full circle with everyone -- even Riccardo. 🥹

Baby me who was (really and truly) struggling to envision a future at all stumbled on a video on Anne reading from TVA, and when she introduced the book she said: "This book—more than any other, as I've said before—is about what the vampire meant to me as a metaphor. A person who felt he was damned and lost and yet had a great vision of the world as a beautiful place." x

Like, that really helped little me when I needed it. And not to dump too much on main but I still do and it still does!

I say this all the time but if these ridiculous, beautiful, wildly descriptive, sometimes equally spiritual as they are completely nonsensical books touched something in you -- there's a chance you know quite well what it's like to feel lost or alienated or forgotten (I'll save 'damned' for myself, yk). The reason so many of us resonate with these characters (maybe a little, maybe a lot) is because we see parts of ourselves in them, their experiences, their relationships, the intensity and tenacity in which they love and endure and survive.

IDK. I'm a delicate flower today. I blame DST. Thank you for stopping by, always appreciate you. 🥹💖

#gave it my best shot at being smutty today but the universe wants what it wants i guess #and what it wants is for me to be lame and emotional on main :|#better luck tomorrow <3 #dungeon anon #you ask and hekate answers #vc

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violet-amet · 1 year

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owl house spoilers, and thinking back on what could had been. so yeah. rambling again. but, i will say, i loved it, and it left me an emotional mess. not as much as ffxiv's shadowbringers and endwalker, but still p good without comparison.

i enjoyed the ending tbh. i love titan-luz esp. there was a lot of things i found interesting in the world building, that i wish that if the series wasnt cancelled, could had been properly explored with time, and king can unite with his father, but unfortunately... yeah. but you know, despite all the good, i do feel that having the big bad have so much mystery, but no time to explore makes his death a bit weak.

like it feels good to have him beaten down as he was, and killed straight up, but i wish i could had learned more about his backstory. his reason to be there. yes luz caused him to get where he is, but like, thats only one piece to a bigger puzzle that is the big bad's story.

i wish i could had learn more about the collector's kind. what really happened to them and what happened to the titans. i wish we could had learned more about the collector as well, because giving just three episodes to the other big "bad" isnt enough, imo, to grown attached to him. but i do think he is adorable. just a kid with too much power and too little guidance. its a shame really.

thing is, im just a viewer, not a writer, and so idk what happened or what the creators were thinking to make what they did, but i still enjoyed it. there was too much that disney missed out on, and honestly, i wish the owl house existed when i was a kid. it would make me feel proud to not only be hispanic, like i always wanted a hispanic heroine, but also glad to be weird and different. im glad that this show exists for kids that exist today.

but it is what it is. im not angry at the mouse, im more angry at the people who direct the mouse. the mouse isnt to be blamed here.

anyway thats just summoning up my thoughts on it, and i nearly did cry at the end, to see a proper happy ending after so long. i havent finished steven universe, because i heard that the ending for that is p bad, and like, honestly, i just watched a few episodes of future, and felt content with just finishing it off pre-movie. but i know that even su suffered a lot from corp meddling. it sucks.

still, despite corp nonsense, im glad these shows are being made today, and for future gens to enjoy. i hope to see more shows like these continue to be made, despite corp nonsense. i want to see more good stories.

#blah blah blabbity blah #its not perfect but i didnt really expect it to be perfect.#its great. imo.#hehe~.#the owl house #the owl house spoilers

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khodorkovskaya · 1 year

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12.01.23

sooo a lot of confusing things happened.

i went to see puss in boots yesterday and the hype is so worth it! im obsessed! it was so good!!!

and guess who i invited to the cinema with me...............

yeah, i know, i don't understand either. i texted him when i was on the train from luzern and he said yes. and so we went together.

(i was being weird on the phone with my parents about it so now they think that i have a secret lover lol. like idk i just can't lie to my parents so when they asked me who i went to the cinema with i was like "nobody!!!!" and it sounded very sspicious. so yeah, they believe that im seeing someone new now. but no lol. im just back on my bs.)

after the film we decided to go get a drink (i had green tea) and we had a very strange conversation. i told him about the books ive been reading and how im slowly making my way through kundera's "immortality" but i don't understand any of it. and then we talked about immortality (bc it was also a theme in puss in boots!) in relation to fame and who gets to be famous and who will always be left in the shadows. and then we said something along the lines of "extraordinary people get to be famous and normal people don't". and then i started telling him about how i think that it didn't work out between us bc we're not normal and we need normality to balance things out.

he said that his first relationship was with a normal person and, even though she was amazing, the relationship was boring. and he said that when he realised that i was crazy he found it charming. and it made me blush.

but anyway i started telling him about my zurich friend and my normal boyfriend fantasy and how i just want to fall in love with a normal person and be normal and hold hands. and he said that my zurich friend is very far from normal and how what we had was actually a normal relationship and i was too spoiled to realise it. he predicts that im gonna realise it in the future bc im gonna meet a lot of shitty guys and regret leaving him. but it will be a good learning experience for me.

and yeah he said that im not making sense and im speaking nonsense. and i think he's right bc ever since i isolated myself from society ive just been a bit insane. like im slowly descending into madness which i think is good for me bc i really need to think and analyse things. but at the same time ive become detached from reality. and now i have all these theories about wanting a normal boyfriend and hating the balkans.

then okay girlies bear with me... i missed my last tram and..... slept over at his place... yikes, i know i know.... but he promised we were gonna sleep in different beds (spoiler: we didn't) and we were just gonna drink tea and chat (spoiler: we didn't just drink tea and chat). and uhh im not gonna go into the details but i didn't feel really good. i just felt like... annoyed i guess is the best word to describe it.

i asked him if we could be friends bc i really want to be friends with him. i want to see his future spouse and kids and i want him to see mine. and i want us to be best friends until we die. but he said that if it's definitely over between us as a couple, we're not gonna see each other again. and it made me sad. why so harsh? why can't we just admit that it doesn't work and stay friends? he wouldn't give me an answer.

this morning we talked a bit more about our relationship and normality and stuff. and he said that in order to be a better and more mature person and actually learn from the past, i need to face my fears and confront him. and we can try to be bf/gf again but make an effort this time. and if it doesn't work, at least we would've tried.

so i was thinking about that for the whole day today. weighing the pros and cons and trying to understand what is "délire" and what is actually reasonable. i feel like im missing something in my brain, i swear. why do i never know what's right and wrong? what do i want and what do i not want? i feel like im disabled or something idk.

and then all of a sudden my dad (who i haven't heard from in a while) messages me like "call me now". he's in india now and i thought it was something urgent. so i called him. and the call lasted only 10 minutes (usually he goes on and on about conspiracy theories for like an hour). and this is what he said:

"you need to get back together with B!!! he's a good man. and it's rare in our day and age. there's a slavic genocide going on. and you guys have a problem with homosexuals in europe. and B represents gender values and he's a real man, which is so rare! sure, nobody's perfect i mean look at me. but B has more pros than cons. sure he's lazy, maybe he even goes to see other hoes from time to time. but nobody is perfect and your clock is ticking. you're 23 and healthy, it's the best time to have a child! if you're still unmarried at 30, people are gonna look at you weird. marriage is a status symbol, you know, it doesn't mean anything. you can get divorced. but being divorced at 30 is so much better than never having been married. it shows that you're a serious woman. and you should try to get back with him. organise a theatrical performance or something, i don't know. and tell him that the wedding's in may so he will be keeping busy organising everything. it's better to do things you regret, than regretting not doing things. okay bye!"

what the fuck.

#he's the one who was being racist towards B after we broke up #saying that it didn't work out bc of his ethnicity #and now #???#january

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bibookmerm · 5 months

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content notes: long post, personal life, strained family relationships, bad choices?? (neglecting self care, seeing people that are bad for me), thanksgiving, but positive stuff at the end.

Life update!

I've been ill all month, still not recovered because I am working despite my illness. (first of the "bad choices"). So, that's fun. I tried to chill and drink tea today. I've had a week off because my workplaces are closed on thanksgiving day, I get 1 designated weekend off which was last weekend, second job slashed hours, and it just lined up that way. At least for this little break, I've done pretty good with the house cleaning goals I set, but not overdoing it. That's something!

THE HEAVY STUFF:

I am trying to emotionally prepare myself for thanksgiving day. Going to visit the extended family. Every time I see my family, I feel stressed, sad, and hurt. I'm really on edge the whole time, then I come home exhausted and I fall apart. Or go numb. So seeing them is the second of the "bad choices." But this year, my wife and I are driving ourselves, so we can leave when we want to. Yay agency!

I'd really like to find a way forward navigating family pressures and obligations and all of my feelings on it with a professional. I liked my past therapist a lot, but I thought her advice about family was...incomplete, and didn't quite fit my situation. I'm hoping to feel comfortable plainly saying when I'd like to look at other options or from a new angle, with my next therapist. But for now, I am going to "celebrate" the holiday I loathe with the people who do not understand me, again. I'm going to try to be kind to myself throughout the day and afterward, even though going at all is not very kind to myself. My friend said his house is open for people to hang out on thursday, so I think going there instead of straight home will cheer me up.

Idk, I posted about my cousin's wedding back in July, and being the only queer there without my wife and no one to even acknowledge how hard it was on me, how disconnected I felt, was part of what made it suck so bad. I am going to reach out to folks this time instead of keeping it in.

So yeah, this time of year is rough. I generally feel I have to trudge through a bunch of stuff I hate when all I want to do is curl up and hibernate until February. I am at least Making Good Choices in small ways. Hydrating, eating, folding the laundry, going for walks, reaching out to friends. Listening to sad music but not ONLY listening to sad music and shutting the world out. It's a process! I think I am staying more, um, recovery minded than backsliding? Overall. Mental health wise. I'm really trying!

Also, this is very obvious but when transphobia gets you down, listening to music by trans artists helps 1000%. It's so healing. I'm gonna have my playlist at the ready.

THE BRIGHT SIDE:

I have some creative project ideas cooking. Still working on that one story I mentioned a while back! The multiverse one. I'm learning more about the inciting incident in the story and I like how it's developing.

I also made some preliminary sketches tonight for a zine I want to make. Just a cute little fan zine. I have a lot of zine making pals but this will be my first one!

Also! Today I just heard back about the date for session 0 for a TTRPG with cool new friends. I can't wait to try roleplaying again. I'm gonna look into the mechanics of the system before then so I don't feel lost and I can focus on having fun.

Also, after all the thanksgiving day nonsense...on Saturday, I get to see my amazing friend who is visiting from the other side of the country. They're having a party which I'm sure will be amazing. And next tuesday my friends and I are going to the movies. So. thursday is one crummy day, I will survive it, and there is the warmth of friendship on the other side. I got this. Have a great evening, y'all.

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hospitalterrorizer · 6 months

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diary57

11/7-8/2023

tuesday - wednesday

not a boring day, today.

i ate leftovers from yesterday and had leftover ramen that my gf didn't finish. i also ate candy and stuff and it's made me feel sort of sick, or at least like, sick with myself. but whatever. thursday is errand day but i don't think i'm going then. idk what i'm doing tomorrow, i'm probably going to try and record more, today i got 2 songs re-recorded basically, i think i'll like them a lot more when i slot those parts in and stuff. what else. mostly i vc'd today with a friend who was super deliriously drunk, and a friend who was not drunk our drunk friend got on this thing, of digging through his steam library for all of these dumb games he had. there was this one about a courier frog, we all were amazed and charmed by the shitty unity effort it was, and how there was this giant transformer running in circles for no reason, a crime scene, the frog held a knife, and a man on a roof. all unrelated to the game, or really even its setting, a row of 8 houses in a suburb, a shitty prefab full of invisible walls. for some reason that game made me want to play videogames more again. things are mysterious that way. seeing him get drunker, and play other games, made me want to play games less though. he was so drunk, thus out of it, while playing a puzzle game called chuzzle, he was getting really, i don't know, i don't know if he was for real frustrated or doing a joke where he was acting frustrated and crazy, by this time the vc had filled up more, the person who introduced him to the server we're in joined and i haven't vc'd w/ her in forever, a friend who is intermittently around in vc joined for a minute too, all while our drunk friend was sat there, staring at his screen, manic and silent, playing a kind of weird and cruel version of bejeweled where you torture strange creatures, made up of hair and eyes. he stayed on that game for like an hour. then he moved onto some other puzzle game that was like, you move blocks around a non-environment, it looked like lame mahjong tiles. anyways he was pretty good at that one and then hit the difficulty bump, and was still basically good but also drunk and still doing his frustrated guy bit, he did some stuff i feel bad about, i was writing it out but there's no reason to do that i think, i can't tell if it was a bit or not, or where it ends, if him feeling free to do some stuff as a bit is just him being able to actually just do certain things for real or not. he did start what i hope was a fake crying thing, where he was like, doing this intense fake ugly cry face, at least i hope it was fake, i asked our friend who knows him irl and she said he is just being a #mastermanipulator but i honestly can't tell still and feel bad basically because i was having a go at him being bad at a puzzle, not really mean i was just saying like "you're making the wrong shape." i don't know. it was funny hearing him say really slurred nonsense, and then say to us all, "can't you be quiet." or "shut your trap" and stuff like that. it was still a little stressful. i dunno. alcohol is kind of nightmarish to me, at least he had people around a while, so it wasn't totally drinking alone. or he was drunk alone but had some people beside him, to make it less soul-destroying. the people i knew who would do that were really really worrying. the vc was a lot of fun though, it's tragic how it makes me snack though, i love to eat salty trash while vcing. i am also just generally so hungry, always.

outside of that, uhhhhh, nothing really, it's a lot of just bullshitting about random stuff in those vcs, i keep thinking about watching this dogra magra movie. maybe i'll try that rn. thinking about the progress on the album, it's feeling closer and closer, i wonder how much closer i can get, if i keep re-recording stuff i'm maybe not happy with this week, that'd be good, but i wonder if i'd feel closer if i tried getting some lyrics out for these newer songs. or they do have lyrics, some at least, those ones are recorded thoughhhhhhhhhghghgh. i dunno. i think by the end of this week i should take a closer inventory of where these songs are, i should also try getting the vocals down for one of these older songs w/ lyrics. as it stands, there's a couple songs i want to still master differently, really minor guitar tone things i think. thennnn, there's one i definitely want to do some minor arranging on to get one part to be less fucked up, or maybe not arranging, just come in differently w/ vox, add an additional guitar bit. and then there's still one i for sure need to get the vocals right on, or a couple i guess.

anyway i watched like half of it i have to finish it 2morrowww, so

byebye!!!!!!!!!

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little-cereal-draws · 9 months

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a little vent

my dad always makes fun of the shows i like. especially my comfort/special interest ones

he calls them "two stars," "nonsense," "silly," "stupid," "not that good" and other things in that vein. he talks over them and then is confused by the plot and asks me to explain. he doesn't bother to remember character names which i know a lot of ppl don't do but it really feels like he doesn't care. he gets up and walks away a lot (he says it's bc he grew up in the 80s he knows how to keep up w a show when he comes back) but it's like "i'm showing this to u bc i love it and often at least one of the characters is someone i see myself in. this is how i communicate who i am right now and you're walking away"

nimona, moon knight, the last wish, we bare bears, our flag means death, what we do in the shadows, luca, the list goes on and on. this has been happening for years. several times i've been scared to show him smth i'm really into bc i know he'll make fun of it. After this happens i'm left super anxious and stressed. like i can feel my heart racing and i'm breathing like i'm running. he knows how important these things are to me but still makes jokes abt them. i used to just ignore them but lately i've been trying to challenge him on them but in a joking way so i don't get in trouble and it hasn't worked

he's also banned me from talking abt these special interest shows multiple times before bc it annoys him and my sister. every time this happens i say ok, feel like i can't breathe for up to an hour, try my hardest not to cry, and then try to stop talking abt it. it never lasts very long tho, maybe a couple of weeks and then i can't keep it in. there's never any repercussions after i start talking abt it again tho so that's good. i don't think they've noticed how it affects me or how i try to listen to them. if they have, they haven't said anything

also he touched my arm today during a conversation with my sister. that's whatever, it's normal, it was just a casual touch on the forearm to signal that he was talking about me. i made a face and rubbed where he touched me w my hand bc i don't like it when ppl touch me. he jokingly said "ok autistic kid." Which... has it's pros and cons. Pros: this is the first time he's acknowledged that i'm autistic since i've gotten back from school, he remembers that i told him i don't like it when people touch me which is a symptom of autism, he has possibly done some of his own research into this? idk Cons: idk that just felt like a weird thing to say? like why would u feel the need to say that? idk. I didn't know how to react so I said "yes" and then we moved on

idk i just wish he wouldn't make fun of my shows

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woozi · 1 year

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henlo yza beloved <33

oh my god <//3 love the way you put it honestly, the way you're so smart <3 the answer was right there and i managed to miss it 😭 i was lichrally like " ok so river dried up no thoughts head empty " and now it's as if the last missing puzzle piece finally fit itself in my mind jdjsksks that really explains whys and hows of haku ending up there, btw the importance of names and home in this movie was so heartwarming 🥺

also that's so sad to think about though, haku not having any place outside of the spirit world also means he might never get to meet chihiro 😭😭😭 ( unless he found a little something like home in chihiro ( yk home being a person instead of some house ) then idk he can become a water body anywhere she lives, if or when he decides on meeting her. like you know there is someone out there calling out his name or missing him which gives acknowledgement to his existence thus making a tiny place available somewhere where he is wanted even if as just a visiting guest) ok but honestly i'm also kind of okay with them never meeting hddjdj like even though it's sad there's still some kind of comfort in knowing the fact that some people only come into your life to help you grow in good way!/ intentionally or unintentionally helping e/o through tough times and then moving on )

also honestly same 😭😭😭🥺 i feel like we've been talking since ages, thank YOU for even taking out time to listen and reply to my nonsense fr, i'm so glad i sent that ask to tell you, your " im skydiving with vernon " tag was funny 😭🥺 i really enjoy talking to you

SPEAKING OF VERN how excited are you for his mixtape? would love to hear your thoughts!, i feel like he's gonna come out with some emo rock/grunge banger tbh, basing on the artwork and his love for avril lavigne songs hdjdjdkd whatever it is i know i'm gonna eat it up bc i live for his verses in hhu songs

hope you're doing well yza 🤍, and you too after 21st take some time out for yourself and recharge, you deserve it <333 love you 🥺 thank you for hanging out with me as always, bestie <333

(honestly had nothing extra to add 😭 dec is kicking me fr. days are just going by i have had no idea about which day it is this whole month 💀 also i haven't forgotten about the movie i'm gonna dm you details after i send this, feel free to check after 21st! )

MA CHERIEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😻😻😻😻

NAURRRRRRRRRRR i am not smart i'm just one for obsessing over details fjkfjdkfjdk AND I KNOW </3 it was such a good concept esp considering how our identities are so tied up with the names given to us by birth and the names with which we choose to present ourselves with!! AND UR MIND HELLO???????????? also agreed <33 i'm fine w the bittersweet ending (i… love them actually 😭)

ALSO PLS NOOOOOOOO i should be the one thanking u fr </3 lich rally where would i be without ur lil ask </3

AND URE SO REAL FOR THIS PLS FKJDFJFDJKFDJK i also find myself gravitating towards his verses we r besties fr 😋 and u r right once again omg it gave early 2000s <3 WHAT DO U FEEL ABT IT!!! i personally like the band ver more, it feels a lot more raw!! think the way mainstream kr companies (honestly cant be said for the indie ones theyre going IN on it there) produce rock music is so… tame for lack of better word, but the band ver ate fr tbh <33 IM KINDA SAD SOME OF THE SCENES OF HIM IN THE BLACK TANK TOP DIDNT SHOW UP ON THE MV THOUGH </3333333 HE LOOKED SO GOOD

i've been getting to rest a bit until i received an e-mail from one of my professors today 😭 now it's a sign for me to get back to work, i still have more finals and more deadlines for january, but after that i'd be FINALLY getting a real break 😋

AND NO PLS FDKJDFJ I FEEL U!! i hope ure getting to rest as well and that you've had a great time this holiday season <33 love u thank u for always being here 🥰 MWAH

#cherie 🪂#s-cxups #y.ask #long post

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