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penvisions · 10 months

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for the record {a joel miller oneshot}

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader, brief F!Reader x F!OC

Summary: The longer, more dangerous patrol routes around Jackson are designated to you and one Joel Miller. You both have an understanding with each other, talking wasn’t the biggest concern for either of you, but being confident in each other was. He wasn’t a bad friend in your scavenged life, but then again you were beginning to think you didn’t want to be just his friend...and that’s got you more than a little sexually frustrated.

Word Count: 6.3k (idk what happened, y’all)

Warnings: oh lord, okay: implied f/f attraction, implied f/f smut, use of sex toys, masturbation, language, pet names, p in v smut, sexual frustration, pining, mutual pining, reader is a hot mess, no use of y/n

A/N: okay, so this took a wildly different route than i anticipated? but i kinda like the way it turned out. I’m sure some scenes seem disconnected or the characterization doesn’t flow throughout but i got tired of reading and re-reading the entire thing and said ‘eh, it’s as good as it’ll get’. please let me know what y’all think?

Your hands released the hold they had on the lapels of his shirt, moving lower to rip open the snap buttons on his shirt to expose the top of his chest. He didn’t give you the chance to explore as he took your hands in his own and guided them to feel the hard length of him through his jeans. “This what you wanted, what had you so goddamn irritable all those weeks before?” He taunted in your ear, his warm breath on the side of your neck sending shivers down your spine. He twitched underneath your hands, and you felt your underwear dampen even more.

ao3 link || main masterlist

“Ngh, it’s not working.” You whined pathetically, your body shaking on the bed. You were on your knees, face down on your pillows and turned to the side as your hands reached back to hold a pulsing toy to your center. The tingles you were feeling were almost what you wanted but they were weak, not building just fleeting jolts of pleasure teasing you. You felt like a fool with your ass canted in the air, knees spread to give you easier access to your folds, the toy gripped too tight in your hand. With a huff you let yourself crumple to the bed, the sheets making weird lumps underneath your form where it was bunched up from your fidgeting.

Your morning was not going the way you wanted at all…

“Would you shut up.” You couldn’t help the sharpness of your voice. You were so frustrated, everything getting on your nerves. Joel hadn’t meant to push you buttons but he just was. He was a decent friend, though he could be a better one to some people, to his family. He looked up from where he was tethering his horse to the post outside the barn. His gruff, no nonsense attitude getting on your nerves all throughout the day despite normally being able to work with the man. His offhand remark about needing to get home soon and the way he nearly rushed ahead of you with his horse finally being the last straw. As if he was the only one who had shit to do with the rest of his day.

He looked up from the worn leather in his hands to see you tying off your own horse before going over to the woman who watched over the horses with measured steps. He wasn’t sure what he said to illicit such words from you but he didn’t let them get to him, he could ignore you just as you had ignored him most of the day. It was a mutual clashing of gruff nature that happened from time to time.

The woman was listening to you talk about how you were worried about Peaches having stumbled over some rocks in the river you passed over on your patrol, suddenly nice and friendly after being surly and quiet the entire route. The woman was watching the way you brushed your hand over the neck of the horse, running your fingers through the mane to work out the tangles.

Joel took in the way your hands lingered over hers when she offered you a brush to work the bigger knots out. The bloom of color on the woman’s face had him looking to your face where a small, knowing smile had graced your lips. You leaned closer to her, bringing her had with the brush to where your other one was tangled in the horses mane, “There’s some tension right about….here.”

Joel was mesmerized by the way you were interacting with her, he had never seen you so forward. The flustered giggle from the woman who had your attention that sounded in the air was a good enough sign to shove off. The heat in your eyes another as he glanced at you one last time was another. He was struck by the way his mind supplied the word beautiful as he took in the way you filled out your tight jeans and simple white tank top, allowing for your tan to be seen by anyone around. Your hair was mused from beneath that damn wide brimmed hat you wore to keep the sun out of your face on patrol, the deep green of it looking good paired with your long curls pulled into a braid.

He walked off, trying not to let his gaze rove over you in a way that could be described as lingering.

A few hours later, after his shower and a small nap, as he sat on his porch with a cup of coffee. He was enjoying the quiet of the waning day, the sun beginning its descent toward the horizon when your front door opened just a few yards away. The woman from the stables lingered on the porch, her hands in her pockets as she spoke in a hushed tone. You were barely visible from his vantage, though he could see an arm leaning against the frame of the door and your long locks loose as you nodded before saying something that had the other girl blushing bright red before leaving. Once she was down the street and out of view you moved to sit in one of the chairs you had out on the porch.

You ran your hands roughly down your face, a deep sigh falling from your lips. You knew you should go back inside and put proper clothes on if you were going to be out here, anyone could walk by and see you in your sleep shorts and the bralette you had worn underneath your tank top earlier. Bruises from the day littered your skin, two newer ones blossomed red on your collarbone: a telltale sign of how you spent your afternoon.

You had managed to make sure one of you had a good time, the girl too inexperienced to return the favor. But she had been such a pretty little mess begging for your touch that it hadn’t been a complete failure. The pleasure from spending a few hours in bed with the woman simmered just beneath your skin, the breeze sweeping through the valley Jackson resided in bringing goosebumps out on your limbs.

You felt eyes on your form, and you turned to look at the house to your left, the one on the right had yet to be assigned to anyone. And of course, it was Joel Miller out on his porch, staring right at you. His hair was tousled from sleep, a lax air about him as he seemed to still be getting his bearings after his slumber.

He was in a t-shirt and sweatpants, the shirt trying its best to contain his arms as he cradled a steaming mug in his large hands. Not breaking eye contact, he brought the mug up to take a sip, his lips curling over the porcelain and catching your eye. You watched the way his Adam’s apple bobbed as he lowered the mug to rest on a knee, his tongue peaking out to catch an errant drop of whatever he was drinking.

Before you could even register it, you were up out of your chair and making your way down the three steps to your porch. A bare foot had just stepped into the grass when the small figure of Ellie popped through the front door, a holler about dinner being ready loud from her as she brandished a wooden spoon at Joel. He tore his eyes from you, all his attention focused on his daughter as he stood.

Your eyes watched as he did so, the sweatpants doing either the devil or god’s work you weren’t sure. The thick fabric made his figure look broad, his thighs strong as he stood, the waistband was low on his hips. But it was the unmistakable bulge you had seen as he stood up that had made your mouth go dry and your skin buzz. With an embarrassed huff you turned on your heel and ran back into the safety of your house.

You could not believe you had just been about to jump Joel Miller. The man had been minding his own business on his own porch. In broad daylight. You needed to handle this, it was getting out of hand.

“Do you mind giving Joel a hand today? He needs-“ Tommy approached your spot in the dining hall, mug of steaming coffee in his hand and a loaded plate that he placed beside you.

“I do.” You cut off the chipper looking younger Miller man, not meaning to sound so mean towards him.

“Uh, well, I can’t help him today and-“

“Tommy, I can’t work with him today. You had me with him on patrol yesterday.”

“Did y’all get into a fight or somethin’? You’re normally so willing to help around where it’s needed and you two get along better than most.” He set down the fork he was using to eat with beside his plate before giving you his full, concerned attention. It was breakfast time in the dining hall, you had just walked in to get a couple fruits before disappearing for the day but had decided to sit at the absence of a particular older man.

“Just need the day to myself.”

“….everything okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“You’ve just been…a little short with everyone lately.”

“Everything’s fine.” You stood abruptly as you spied a broad figure making its way to you and Tommy, not even thinking about how you hadn’t even touched your own plate yet. You scrambled over the bench seat and took off out the door before Joel even set his plate down on the other side of the table.

“Well, alright then.” He huffed as he settled in for his meal.

“What’d you do?”

“What the hell are you goin’ on about? I didn’t do a damn thing to that woman.”

Tommy watched his brother over his mug, bringing it up to take a sip from it. He watched the way Joel turned to watch your form disappear through the front door. Brows furrowed and a frown settling in place.

“She didn’t even let me finish asking her to help you out today before she was sayin’ no and then she saw you comin’ this way and took off. Something happen on patrol?”

“She was huffin’ and puffin’ all day but seemed fine once we were back in town. Chatted up the girl at the stables just fine.”

Tommy took a bite of his food, pensive. Joel stabbed his fork into his own food, it was way too early in the day to be dealing with whatever was going on you.

Neither brother saw you for a few days. You had traded the rest of the week’s patrols you’d been assigned in exchange for the coffee you hoarded in your cabinet. People willing to make the trade even if you didn’t give them reason as to why. You had holed up in your room, taken root in your bed and just wallowed. You were fully aware of how pathetic the whole situation was. But you couldn’t face Joel or the nice girl, Stella, from the stables.

The patrol this morning was early, early enough to avoid one of the people you were avoiding. Unfortunately, the trek to Teton village was one that select people were allotted. It was an overnight one, the longest and one of the most dangerous. You and Joel being the only people without time restrictions due to other responsibilities around the town. You were just finishing up saddling up the two horses and led them outside as Joel approached. As he made his way down the street, you mounted up, ready to get the day started. If he was surprised to see you or that you had done up his horse for him, he didn’t show it as he took the reigns you held out to him.

He nodded at you, his fingers brushing up against your own as he did so. You pulled your hand back as if you had been burned and clicked to get your horse moving.

“Hey, just wanted to check in with ya,” Joel looked over his shoulder toward you, your horse was trailing behind his. The morning was quiet, the sun had risen completely and the forest was quiet. “Normally you’ve gone on about somethin’ or other by now but you’ve been sulking. Somethin’ wrong?”

“Just don’t feel good.” Was your gruff answer, unwilling to entertain conversation. You didn’t know why he was so concerned, somedays it was just like this. Either he had too much on his mind or you did and there was an understanding about it. You didn’t expect him to direct his horse to stop, making you do the same. He turned a bit more to face you in his saddle, brows furrowed in worry. His big brown eyes held a little too much emotion as he gazed at you. Your body deciding to take whatever it could from him, and you felt yourself get slick at his attention.

“You can tell me what it is, maybe I can-“

“It’s girl stuff, leave me alone.” You clicked to signal your horse into movement, going around him and continuing on your way. You shifted in the saddle, the friction of the seam of your jeans making you feel a little crazed and you tried to adjust.

The rest of the ride up to the cabin had been going okay… until a group of four raiders has decided to ambush you and Joel. It had been a quiet moment, just trekking through the woods when a shot rang out and your horse began bucking. You had tried to keep balance, but the creature was hurt and panicked. When you had tried to climb down you had been tossed a bit. You hadn’t been off the horse for a second before two men had come out from the trees and grabbed you, two more going for Joel on his horse. You had tried not to scream, but you were positive terror had taken over you as their hands had gripped you in places they had no business touching under the guise of retraining you.

He had killed every one of them, in such a quick and efficient way. His chest had been heaving with his actions, arms roped in veins where you could see the skin of his forearms, his hands clutched tight over the handle of a blade and a gun. His hair had gotten wild, waves that would surely turn into curls if it were longer in disarray from someone trying to choke him out. There was blood splatter along his neck and up on his cheek and you practically flinched when he placed the weapons back where they belonged on his person and leaned down a bit to reach a hand to you.

“Don’t- don’t touch me.” You stuttered as you backed up, palms up to keep him at bay. You were past anger and frustration, it was only ever going to get you so far. You were feeling desperation crawl like ice through your veins. The only thing that would bring warmth back to you was his touch, but it would light a fire in you that you weren’t sure you were strong enough to fight off.

“What are you goin’ on about? You afraid of me now?” He stayed where he was but brought his hand back to rest on his hip. “You seen me in action before.”

Maybe it was the way his eyes were dark in the shade of the tree canopy or the thrill of having taken out a threat. Maybe it was the way he always looked so goddamn good up on a horse, his thick thighs looking strong and sturdy as he guided the animal across the terrain. Maybe it was the way he was standing, one leg slightly popped out, hands on his hips and head canted down to gaze at you, an eyebrow raised in a slightly teasing manner.

Maybe it was the way you were on the ground, hands holding you up as your legs were spread out before you from your fall. Chest pushed out slightly from your shoulders holding you up, heaving as you tried to catch your breath. You felt desire hot in your entire body as you stared up at his broad form, his shadow falling over you. You licked your lips and were about to tell him off again but something flared in his eyes and-

“I’m not afraid of you, I wanna fuck you!” The words rushed out of your mouth before you could even think.

Joel didn’t say anything, he just continued to stare at you. You were sure your face was flushed a deep crimson; it was certainly burning enough to be. Your skin was alight, your entire body humming as the words had crawled their way from where they had dug themselves deep in your middle, had been consuming you from the inside out. They had been fleeting before but decided to make you their new home and filled every nook and cranny of your body, not giving you a moment of rest since they had solidified. You don’t know how long they had been forming but you didn’t really want to find out how long they had been whispering over your skin, your mind.

When he finally moved, you flinched. Even though he walked away from you and mounted his horse, your body pressed further into the dirt. He didn’t so much as glance at you as he guided his horse back the way you had just come, abandoning the rest of the patrol as he headed back toward town.

“Where the fuck have you been?!” Tommy’s voice was booming as the man descended from where he had been keeping watch atop the gate as you entered through back into the safety of town. “I’ve been waiting for you all fuckin’ day since my dumbass brother got back! He made it seem like the raiders got you.”

You were quiet, gently walking beside the injured horse and guiding it back to the stables. You felt completely rejected. You had been left on the fucking ground after being ambushed. Injured in more ways that just physical, you ignored the frantic panic of the man following after you, demanding answers from you. And you knew it was petty, you knew it was unprofessional, but you couldn’t help it. You were shutting down, back to how you had been when you first arrived. It was better to be alone. You’d learned your lesson.

“Are you gonna answer me? You both broke protocol and scared the shit out of everyone! Please just say something, anything!”

“Finished patrol. Ran into raiders two miles from the cabin. Your brother got injured and turned back. I cleared the cabin, there were a few infected. Took longer traveling because Peaches is injured. I’ll fill out a report.”

“He said you got thrown off your horse and they dragged you away. Said he tried everything but had to come back.”

“If that’s what he said happened, then that’s what happened.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Your brother is a piece of fucking work, do not put me with him again. So help me, I’ll pack up and leave if you make me work with him in any capacity from here on out.”

You could tell your harsh words stunned him; he had stopped in his efforts to follow your gaited movements. You continued on to the stables. You explained in clipped words to Stella what had happened to Peaches, ignoring the way her eyes were lingering on you and her hands kept brushing against your own.

You stalked away from the interaction, legs heavy and your entire back hurting from where you had landed after your sudden dismount. You could tell your whole left side was already bruised, scrapes having bled into the fabric of your flannel and stained it for anyone to see. You pulled your hat lower over your brow when you spotted an all too familiar figure on the porch of the house next to yours.

You felt a heavy gaze follow you as you passed the house and made it up the short walkway to your porch. Your foot faltered as you picked it up to ascend the few steps leading up to your own porch and front door. Your foot didn’t land, the front of your boot collided with the step and your body fell forward.

You couldn’t help the pained yelp that pushed itself from your throat as your back pulled from the effort to throw your hands out to catch yourself.

You don’t know how he managed to close the distance so quickly or why, but Joel was suddenly hovering over you, hands helping to hold you up. His fingers were spread wide to not put too much pressure on any one spot, he had seen the blood and dirt marring you the second the commotion had stopped earlier on the trail.

“Leave me alone.” You pushed his hands from you, ignoring the way they sparked electricity on your skin over where they rested on your shirt. You stood back up, leaning heavily on the railing and practically pulled yourself up the steps.

“Look-“

“I said leave me alone. You made it clear how you feel when you left me on the fucking trail.” You moved as fast as your body would allow you up the steps and through the front door. You slammed it in the pinched face of one Joel Miller without a second thought. You leaned back on it, chest heaving as you realized tears had sprung up once again. A sob wracked your body and you brought your hands up to cover your mouth as more followed.

You didn’t just want him to fuck you. You wanted him.

You were put on different patrol rotations, Tommy taking the longer and more difficult routes you had fallen into with his older brother again. You were paired with younger people, those who were new to patrol, or had less experience and needed to be with someone who could make better decisions. It was easy to go into training mode and give them the run down, tell them the way things need to be done and why. It didn’t give you time or energy to think about anything else. That happened when you were safely back at home in the confines of your room.

Stella, bless her heart, still lingered when it came to you, her smiles quick and her voice chipper. But you just returned her attention with polite smiles and tips of your hat. It was late, the sun dipping down below the horizon as you closed off Peaches pen, who had made a full recovery from a few weeks ago.

While a sigh, you directed your route toward the center of town. You hadn’t been out in weeks, opting to keep to yourself if you weren’t on patrol. The help you had been lending to the Miller brothers and their building had ceased. Neither of them had confronted you, Maria had dropped by a few times to check on you. You had been cordial, offering her coffee it was the morning or dinner if it was the evening. She seemed content to just share the space with you, taking what you could give even if you were quiet or only made small talk concerning those you were training.

A drink sounded nice tonight, maybe a meal you hadn’t made yourself.

An hour later you were pleasantly tipsy and dancing in the arms of one of the younger patrolmen. He had nervously asked if you could teach him some steps to impress the girl he had his eye on and the alcohol in your system had you saying yes before you could think better of it.

A few songs later and you were pulling Stella from where she was at a table with her friends up into your arms and guiding her through some faster steps. She was all giddy laughter, bright smiles, and wandering hands. You leaned in close and murmured apologies to her and asked if she was okay with just being friends, genuinely apologetic for how you had been treating her. With a parting kiss to her cheek, you set her back with her friends and took off toward the door.

You settled on the bench that was a little ways from the door and pulled a rolled cigarette from where it was tucked into the ribbon that wound around the base of your hat. You lit it and took a long drag, unaware of the door opening behind you. You were so lost in thought that you nearly jumped out of your skin when someone plopped down beside you, their knee knocking into your own.

“Jesus Christ.”

“Nah, just me. But you’d think I’d be the devil with the way you been ignoring me”

No. No no no. Not that voice, that deliciously low southern drawl. The cigarette fell from between your fingers, landing on your thigh to burn a hole through the denim and smart your skin.

“Fuck!” You scrambled up, brushing frantically at the singed fabric to get the heat out. The liquor decided at that precise moment to take you over from pleasantly tipsy to uncoordinated tipsy and you stumbled over your feet. You landed hard on your ass, hat falling to the dirt beside you. When you looked up, Joel Miller was staring at you with an amused smile. It was a soft look on him, his eyes glittering in the lights hung up around the square as he looked down from where he remained on the bench.

Embarrassment flared hot over your face, the scene too close to the last time you had really interacted with the man. But this time he wasn’t borderline glaring at you. He was casual, relaxed, surely he was tipsy too. To be interacting with you, to be so easy going with you. You hadn’t seen him in weeks, if he hadn’t been tucking tail to run at the sight of you, you were doing so when you noticed him.

“I’ll walk you home, was callin’ it a night anyway.” He seemed to temper for a moment, brow furrowing as he contemplated his next words. “My entertainment for the night decided it was time for the show to end.”

Your waning flush darkened again, at the insinuation that he had been watching you dance the whole night. You don’t know what compelled you to take his hand when he offered it to you this time, as he stood from the bench and leaned over your still fallen form.

Maybe it was the way he was trying, the way he was talking as if nothing had happened, that you hadn’t totally ruined the tolerance boarding on friendly acquaintance you both had found in each other since day one. Maybe it was the way he picked up your hat and placed it gently back on your head, because he knew how important it was to you. Or the way that his hand was so warm as it clasped over your own.

Maybe it was the way that this is how things went with you, someone did something stupid or fucked up in the heat of the moment and it wasn’t talked about after some time and things went back to being okay.

Maybe it was in the way it seemed he almost missed you, or the way that you certainly had missed him.

“Stubborn girl, let me help you.” His voice had turned husky as he closed you in between his broad chest and the door. His warm hands came up and wrapped around your trembling ones, taking the keys from you with ease. He leaned forward a bit more, his hips connecting with your backside as he unlocked the door. He didn’t turn the knob or go to push it open, just breathing in the scent of honey and vanilla that mingled with the twang of whiskey on your skin.

“It didn’t bother me, what you said.” He seemed hesitant to bring the event of all those weeks ago from the middle of summer to the present. It wasn’t how either of you dealt with things, opting to push things deep down and ignore them until they didn’t really matter in the face of everyday issues. His hands were clenching in a pattern at his sides, his tick for when he was nervous. “For the record.”

“Figured you didn’t want me around because it did bother you, that way you didn’t have to deal with me anymore. You made it clear you don’t feel any way about me.”

“Is that why you been ignorin’ me?” Joel’s smoldering gaze watched as you lifted the hat to rest on a hook by the door, there was something behind his eyes you couldn’t quit make out when you turned back around to face him. “Because that’s not the case and you know it. You’re one of the only people in this town that doesn’t make me feel pushed or pressured to be anything. You let me just be me, even if I’m not the best a lot of the time.”

“Leave me alone,” The same last words you had spit at him all those weeks ago fell from your lips again unbidden. You weren’t even sure if you meant them anymore. But if you repeated them, maybe he would realize you meant the opposite. You didn’t intend for your voice to lilt the way that it did but of course he caught onto it. The way you didn’t deny anything he just confessed to you. It made him feel a little brave, it made him take a step closer to you. You mirrored his movement, your body crowding the back of the couch.

“You weren’t the only one with who was frustrated, darlin’. Had to see you take that poor girl to bed only to get nothin’ out of it.”

A weird whine sounded from you as his words brought the frustration of not being to find release for weeks now back to the forefront of your mind. Your skin buzzing with the intention behind his words.

Maybe it was the liquor in his system or the liquor in yours, but the room became charged almost as if a switch had been flipped now that you both understood the other. Your eyes dilated at the move he had taken toward you, your tongue darting out to wet your bottom lip. He took another step and felt himself harden completely in his jeans as his nerves lit up. You weren’t really telling him to leave, and he really wanted to find out what you tasted like after all this time.

“Well would you look at that, you went from all riled up to whinin’ in two seconds flat.”

“Shu-shut up!”

“Oh darlin’, you’re all bark and no bite right now.” To emphasize his point he leaned over you and placed his hands atop the back of the couch, caging your body between him and the piece of furniture. You didn’t move an inch, every muscle in your body locked up as the heat of him standing so close. The smell of him so close. Your heart hammered in your chest, and you were sure he could hear it in the quiet of your living room if the soft grin on his face was any indication.

Your eyes were trained on his own, the taunting glint you saw had you moving before you even realized.

Your hands shot out to grip the lapels of his damned, snug denim shirt and you pulled him down enough to sink your teeth underneath his jawline. He let out a guttural moan as his hands flew to grip the flare of your hips tight, body pressing into yours and pinning you to the back of the couch from the waist down. You soothed the bite with the flat of your tongue before moving sucking kisses down the column of his throat. Your hands released the hold they had on the lapels of his shirt, moving lower to rip open the snap buttons on his shirt to expose the top of his chest.

He didn’t give you the chance to explore as he took your hands in his own and guided them to feel the hard length of him through his jeans.

“This what you wanted, what had you so goddamn irritable all those weeks before?” He taunted in your ear, his warm breath on the side of your neck sending shivers down your spine. He twitched underneath your hands, and you felt your underwear dampen even more.

You could only nod as you captured his lips with your own in a desperate, open-mouthed kiss. His tongue tasted of whiskey as he licked into your mouth. Your hands quickly relieved him of his belt, the clinking of it drowned out by the heavy breaths…

“F-uck…you’re takin’ me so well,” He used the momentum of resting his forearms down by your head to grind his hips into you. The head of his cock sent a cascade of white pleasure over you as it stimulated your g-spot.

“’m close, Joel, please.” You begged, you begged for the release that was so close, that was coiled so tight in your middle it was bringing tears to the corners of your eyes. He continued to grind into you, his lips coming to press sucking kisses along your collarbone. He bit down hard and it sent you over the edge as the pain sparked low in your core. Your muscles tensed, you could feel yourself clenching him tightly where he moved inside you, working you through your orgasm. A stuttered sound rumbled deep in his chest as his grinding turned into fast, hard thrusts.

He hauled you up, bringing your blissed out form flush against his chest as he sat up on his knees. You whimpered as you felt another orgasm build at an alarming rate. You clenched your knees around his waist and moved down against him, chasing it as he continued to chase his own. His hands were on your hips almost painfully tight, where he helped to pull you down as he thrust up into you. The sound of skin on skin was loud in the room, the bed frame creaking as you both took what you needed from each other.

“C’mon, give me another, sweet girl,” He curled his arms underneath your armpits to rest his palms on your shoulders and used them to bring your hips down to meet his with even more delicious friction.

“Haah, Joel, I- I can’t.” You dug your nails into his own shoulders, pulling a growl from him as the feeling went straight to his cock buried deep inside you.

“You were so desperate for it for so long, yes you can, give it to me sweet girl,” He snaked a hand down to rub two fingers over your clit in small circles. You choked on a moan that ripped from your throat as white spots danced across your vision. The clench of your third orgasm milking Joel’s out of him. His hips stuttered as hot ropes of his release filled you up, some of it dribbling down his length where it began to leak out of you.

He moaned at the sight, resting his forehead against yours as you both panted.

An alarm blaring had you beginning to stir, the sheets tangling around you as you twisted to reach for the clock on the bedside table. When you flopped back on the bed facing away from it, your bleary eyes feel on the already awake form of Joel. His eyes were serious as he watched you settle back into the bed. He almost looked wrecked and that had you shooting up on your arms and moving as close to him as possible.

“What’s wrong?” You brought your hands to cradle his face, fingers brushing underneath his conflicted eyes.

“You were still on the ground and I just… I just fuckin’ left you there without a word.”

You felt your chest thud at the pain of the memory, the one that plagued your restless nights as summer had droned on and waned. It had faded to a facet of life, something that had once happened. Sometimes it was heavier than others.

“…it wasn’t the best reaction.”

“That’s one of the worst things I’ve done since comin’ here.” He confessed into the crook of your neck where he had buried his head. You just tightened your arms around him, comforting him as he worked through it. His voice cracked on his next words. “I’m so fuckin’ sorry, I’ll carry that with me until I die.”

You both laid there, wrapped up in each other and whispered words of apology to each other. For the things you’ve done to each other to the things that have happened to each other. Comfort turned into promises and promises turned into kisses.

After getting showered and dressed, you walked to the stables together. Sharing a thermos of hot coffee, the steam rising to keep your faces warm in the face of approaching autumn. You were mid laugh when Joel raised his hands to cradle your face and pepper kisses over your face, stopping right there in the middle of the street in the early morning. Chuckles in between kisses had your heart racing in your chest.

When you both rounded the side of the stables there were already two horses saddled and a waiting Tommy at the gate to the outside pen beside it. He crossed his arms and walked passed you two with a simple, “Y’all are fuckin’ idiots. You know that?”

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givehimthemedicine · 6 months

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🛁💧 Moms, bathtubs and fear of water

today I'd like to dig into some support for the Virginia/Henry/bathtub theory, most notably a Will/Henry parallel I've not seen discussed before, and some thoughts on the rabies thing.

for those just tuning in, we have hints that something awful happened involving Virginia, Henry, and a bathtub of hot water. (that idea is aemiron-main's, you can read the original here)

where there's a tub, there's a mom

let me start by seeing how many ST bathtubs can be tied to mothers. (much of this will have been pointed out before, but I have a couple observations I think are new)

starting at the top: Virginia's vision (turning on the hot water tap and spiders fill the tub instead of water):

Karen soaking in a hot bath listening to "Memories" before milfing it up with Billy, a minor, a boy her daughter's age. check

Will and Joyce "he likes it cold" you better believe that's a paddlin

we saw the Byers' tub before. when El saw it in the mirror (lol) and went to tell Joyce (Will's Mother) about her water tank idea. ok she was addressing the group but Joyce is the one who actually engages. I'm counting it. ps when they do set up the bath for El, Lucas uses a thermometer to make sure the water is the right temperature

this is a tiny one, but Nancy goes to sit on the tub and cry after excusing herself from Barb's mom at the KFC dinner.

that scene where El and Max find Billy's tub with ice bags?

darn, nothing immediately motherly in this scene. but what if we check the last dialogue in the prior scene? or the first dialogue in the following scene?

both hits! mom/age-inappropriate-sexual-knowledge + mother/son combo.💀

next up, FOR WHAT REASON was I made to see Murray get naked and get into a tub full of ice while on the phone with Joyce in 4x01?

let's also toss in a shot of Joyce being weird in her front yard, prompting a neighbor child to dispense a line of dialogue involving mothers.

but seriously. after all the flayed/ice tub imagery throughout s3, why kick off s4 with Murray in an ice bath? no, I'm really asking.

we've got a dash of sexual inappropriateness, or so Joyce thinks - Murray happens to plop into the ice at the exact moment that she observes the Russian doll has nipples, which makes her think his reaction is about that:

the only tub scene I'm struggling to tie super directly to mothers is Heather. you could say it's that Joyce appears in the next scene, but that's weak. or that Flayed Heather later drugs/kidnaps her mom. eh.

as em pointed out, the tub Heather's in here is extremely similar to Virginia Creel's. is that sufficient?

so anyway, some of those are def stronger than others, but they all provide some combination of: mothers, bathtubs (esp with attention drawn to water temperature), and fear/ sorrow / discomfort / sexual inappropriateness.

am I forgetting any other bathtubs?

now let's talk more about fear

what started me on this post was how possessed-Will's reaction to the bathtub is so explicitly labeled as fear - NOT by Will, but by Mr. Clarke's voiceover:

yet what sparked One's strength was a memory that made him "sad, but also angry" - which, if the implied tub incident indeed happened, would totally fit the bill.

sad and angry. not afraid. I guess it makes sense that fear isn't one of the emotions he would draw power from later upon recalling this event, but he undoubtedly would've been afraid in the moment. he didn't say that though.

not in that scene.

now, idk if he's referring to The Incident here, or his early lab life or what, but. oh I'm at my image limit. ok well his lines leading up to this are (close up of dead kids) "why do you cry for them, Eleven? after everything they did to you? you think you need them, but you don't. you don't."

why exactly would El "need" the other lab kids? according to NINA, they treated her poorly. tbh kinda sounds more like a projected reaction to the death of an abusive mother.

anyway. apart from that "I was scared once" reference to some past turning point, man will not say he is or was scared. he'll imply and project but he won't say it:

you know who else won't say they're scared? Will.

Will has never said once on the entire show that he's afraid. ever. throughout all the utterly HORRIFYING situations he's been in. he undoubtedly has been scared, and other characters say that about him many times, but Will has never said, in his own words, as far as I can find, that he's afraid.

he dances around it and veils it and teeters on the edge of it, but he will not actually say I Am Afraid.

"how did you feel?" "it felt like when you're scared" boy what.

but Will has not always been fearless!

wanna know what the very first mention of fear on the whole show is? Will assuring Joyce he won't have nightmares from seeing Poltergeist because:

is it not giving "I was scared once too" ?

now here comes my favorite part:

Joyce replies with the "my witch" thing, and she doesn't actually finish the sentence, but I think that last word can be guessed pretty accurately:

cook him up in your what?

your cauldron? cauldron, kôl′drən, noun: 1. A large vessel used for boiling?

so like... have I got this straight? our earliest flashback of Will involves his mother playing an evil character who's gonna put him in a large vessel of hot liquid?

I ask you again: is it not giving "I was scared once too"?

I'm tacking my red conspiracy yarn in at "Henry was five years old."

now, just wondering, what was the turning point that made Will stop having nightmares from movies and "getting scared like that"? Bob_one_day_the_nightmares_suddenly_stopped.wav

now let's talk about rabies

Robin proceeds to list some rabies symptoms and what's funny about that (besides the fact they're standing in a mysteriously dry lakebed) is she left out possibly the best-known symptom: fear of water.

in fact, rabies used to be called hydrophobia ("fear of water").

hydrophobia in rabies stems from paralysis of throat muscles making it difficult or impossible to swallow, and so sufferers will panic at the prospect of drinking or even the mere sight of water. excessive salivation + inability to swallow it leads to the other pop culture rabies symptom, the appearance of "foaming at the mouth".

pretend here I put in screenshots of El and Barb spitting up water when they wake up in the UD and that unnecessary shot of Billy drooling when El is levitating him

Robin's isn't the only reference to rabies on ST. it's come up in two other seasons:

so every time rabies comes up, it's in reference to demodogs, demobats, and flayed rats. all critters that are part of the hive.

ostensibly controlled by one guy, who is afraid of water.

misc honorable mentions:

what do you wanna bet Dart not only doesn't need water, but would hate water like he hates heat?

Dart grew up to be a demodog, and demodogs dug those tunnels - the ones Bob figured out were a map of Hawkins because the "roads" outlined recognizable bodies of water instead of crossing over them.

when Bob said that, he didn't know the "roads" were underground, and therefore it wouldn't be crossing over water but rather crossing through water. if your tunnel breached a lake or river, it would flood. the demodogs were avoiding water.

also: no one in the water, you say?

speaking of Hawkins Pool, there's also the thing I've mentioned before, how it seems incredibly relevant that One chose Billy as his s3 host - a lifeguard whose one possession-busting happy memory involved his mother warning him not to drown.

also: Hopper saying that jumping into the quarry would result in the water "breaking every damn bone in your body"

and Jason asks Patrick, right before Vecna breaks every damn bone in his body in Lovers Lake:

I'm going to think of more as soon as I hit post but that's all I have for you today.

I want real answers on the Murray ice thing btw

#btw in this and any analysis please mentally insert 🥁 any time I use the word 'one'#in disbelief that they've not yet worked the phrase 'getting into hot water' into the show somewhere #analysis #givehimthemedicine analysis #mine #btw what's the water table like in hawkins #where you can dig tunnels right along the perimeter of lakes and it stays dry in there

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jackiebrackettt · 4 months

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hi everyone i watched all the (minecraft) tazercraft shorts at once at 4am and i decided to make graphs about it

they have a recurring theme? i suppose? that i'm calling the "always save your-" series because that's along the lines of what a lot of them are titled (also note that none of them have any speaking it's just various songs playing)

these were like. very surreal to me in my sleep deprived state but basically the concept is: they are both digging down and then one of them finds diamonds and either one of them makes the other move so They can get the diamonds (thus dying/almost dying to the lava) or someone else shows up (for eg: cat in below images) that they have to save which means they doom the other to the lava. or. idk there's so many variations hence the graphs

graphs and stuff below the cut:

graphs 1 and 2 are fairly self-explanatory i think. usually everyone lives, and it's interesting to me that pac is the one saving mike more often than mike saves pac. counting the time both of them saved someone, mike has saved other people the same amount that he's saved pac whereas pac is mostly only shown to save mike. no one else apart from them (unless it's everyone in the scene that one time) dies

offscreen death vs onscreen death (graph 3) is interesting to me because a lot of the times when they're saving someone else the other person just fucking dies. they don't even show it. sometimes you see a bit of their dead body float into screen the way minecraft bodies fall to the side when they die but sometimes they're just gone. i know it's only 3 times but i can't remember the exact numbers for that and can't be bothered to check

NOW post-death (4) is interesting to me because jesus christ. why did they do that. not good for my sleep-deprived mind. two of the times mike dies they show a post-death scene where pac is mourning him. both times it seems like he's very unable to move on from the death because they give him grey hair nd stuff implying he's grown old. the second time he actually builds a house + grave around where mike died in the cavern and just. stays there forever i guess

MIKE however in the one post-death scene he gets builds a grave + laboratory around where pac died and invents time travel to save him. interesting! i feel like you could tie this into their qsmp characterisation somehow but that's a diff post

and just some sillier ones. (graph 5) they often have like… i don't know what the games are but those horror kids games or whatever. poppy's playtime you know. show up in these videos as well as like… things to be saved from? so it's not all lava that's killing/almost killing them. also (graph 6) herobrine shows up a little bit which i mostly categorised because of their whole past series with herobrine and whatnot. most of the time he is just there in the background some times he does stuff

this is just one of their series and maybe i'll make more graphs categorising the others. i mostly just made these for funsies for myself because i like graphs but eh sharing because who knows maybe other people will be interested. their shorts mostly all seem like tiktok trends btw and types of videos repeat a lot ^ like the one here with a little variation each time

#tazercraft #pactw #mikethelink #posting this at a horrid time but whatever

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rizukitikastuff · 11 months

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I probably late but I just watch dnd: hat and boy it's sooo great 😭 not to mention finally there's ship that making kicking my feet again

so there's few things I wanna address here which probably already stated by someone else but eh I'll just gonna write it anyway: (watching this completely making me confused all the time but it's in a good way)

Jarnathan actually just random judge they utilize to escape?? ha, I thought it was someone Edgin knows personally

Also the bit where the dragon (?) judge saying they actually accept their plead and the woman screaming jarnathan's name really got me

The dramatic thing where Edgin suddenly throw everything because of his wife's death (it can count as streotypical but idk why I found it interesting how he gonna turns out)

The way Holga helped widowed father with his baby and they practically became siblings and raised Kira with love but of course people still wondering what's their status because they're man and woman

When Forge got escaped and Edgin asked him to take care of his daughter i already suspicious, then Edgin and Holga meet him again later on I thought he was gonna immediately be crazy mf but he act nicely to Kira then he got worse as Forge also manipulating Edgin's daughter to hate his father

When the team got dead end because Simon can't get the helmet to work, I can really feel the desperation (the writing is good)

The way Edgin saying he was Champion of Failure really hurts me oh my god

Oh, I liked how Holga fight scene where she fight without only using her weapon but also other thing surrounds her

Where Simon actually beat himself when about to use the magic helmet again, I didn't expect that actually thinking it was his actual great great grandfather, I also give this one thumbs up for the symbolism and the immediate Edgin gives him proud remarks

When Doric make plans to get into slime cub, I really praise her for that quick thinking by inserting finger out and turning herself into snake to make them escaped

When Holga died and Kira really cried her eyes out and there's flashback where Holga literally raised Kira since she was a little, and she is practically her mother, I'm crying so hard on this. And Edgin finally realized that the mother Kira wants is not Edgin's wife but Holga

Edgin and Holga didn't have romance despite raising child together (good!)

When Holga bite her lips to the little guy who give her medal, i crack up so bad.. she really into that type huh

I actually glad that Doric take Simon into consideration and not sudden romantic things

Overall, like this movie really consistent about the each characters personality I love that

Oh I will make comment about Xenk in other post (also include xedgin)

#dndhat #dnd honor among thieves #dungeons and dragons honor among thieves #dnd movie #edgin darvis #holga #simon aumar #doric #honor among thieves

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k1t-ska · 11 months

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Confessing is Hard(Hobie Brown x f! reader)

(Hiiiii, I’m super new to Tumblr, like this is literally my first post ever but I felt like writing a Hobie x reader bc atsv was fucking awesome. Also, I love reading fics but sometimes I can’t find fics about shit I want to read so I’ve taken it upon myself for me just to do it! So yeah, this is my first fic, and I started writing this at 2:13 am 😓SO KEEP THAT IN MIND!!!!!!! anyways moving on!)(Also, I wanna make this a series but dunno)

(quick) Summary: You recently(if 11 months ago counts as recent?!?!?!?) became spider-woman on earth-420(not a real one I think, just a random number) and a few months ago were asked to join the spider society. You became quick friends with Hobie and Pavitr, yet Hobie can’t seem but to want to be a little more than just friends, but he’s too much of a pussy to fess up and tell you how he really feels.🙄But so are you so can one of you just man up and do it already god.

wc: 787

(sorry if Hobie seems ooc, idk much British slang and don’t feel like learning bc this is pretty short and yk fuck the British jkjk)

*~*~*~*

I never really realized how pretty Nueva York was until I became spider-woman.

Granted I’ve never had access to every rooftop in the city until I got bit by that radioactive spider but still, I’m able to see a city I’ve known my whole life in a new light. But honestly, if I’m really thinking about it-

A voice cuts my thinking off. “Hellooooooo, earth to y/n!!!” There’s a hand with long, lanky fingers waving in front of me. Shit. I forgot I wasn’t alone.

I focus my attention on my spider-friends. “Shit sorry Hobie, what’s up?” I’ve been spacing off a lot more frequently lately, I can tell Hobie and Pav have been getting annoyed by it.

“Not much, we were just talking and you spaced out mid-conversation. Everything alright buggy?”

“Yup!” Nope. “Everything’s fine!” But it’s really not. “Why wouldn’t it be?” Because you’re in love with your best friend? “Just a little,” A lot. “on my mind. You know, Spider things, school, friends, family.” You.

“Well me and Pav got’s to go. Right, Pav?” He didn’t believe me. I could tell in his voice.

“Oh yeah! Right!”

“Well, see you later bugs.” He turns around and steps through a portal with our shared friend.

Wait when did that get there? Ugh, whatever. ‘Bugs’ That’s a cute nickname. ‘Buggy’ I never really gave it much thought before. But now. Having these new feelings. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get it out of my head.

~~2 hours ago~~

Since I became Spider-Woman, one of my favorite pastimes is just swinging around Nueva York mindlessly. It’s even more fun with company. Which is where the scene lays out. Me and my two favorite Spider-men, Hobie and Pav, Racing around Nueva York. The last person to make it to the roof on top of my apartment from my dorm at Visions has to pay for takeout. First Place gets to choose what we get.

Obviously, I won, Pav coming in second, with Hobie behind him by a bit. He never tries at these kinds of games so Pav and I take that to our advantage. We make it to the rooftop, I blanket I laid out this morning still there. We all sit, order food (Hobie doesn’t even have to ask what I want, he just knows), chat, eat, and chat even more. It’s nice. Peaceful. I always seem to be at peace whenever I’m with Hobie. Always seem to space out.

We were talking about something. I can’t seem to remember what it was. Which is odd. I’m usually a pretty attentive listener, but something about the way Hobie’s looked so enchanting. Had he always been this… pretty? Wow, he has a lot of piercings. Wait. What? Why am I thinking about this? He’s your friend y/n! Snap out of it! Think about something else! Like uhhhh, you have a chem test tomorrow! You should probably be studying for that. Eh, whatever I'll do fine. Hobie’s eyes are like actually really pretty. Shit, fuck, we made eye contact, crap!! Omg uhh, the sky! Wait, the sunsets like actually really pretty tonight. And omg the lights in all the buildings just illuminate the sky even more!

I never really realized how pretty Nueva York was until I became spider-woman.

*~*~*~*

(AHHHH, this is so ass but wtv I did this in less than an hour. It is now 3:09. GOOD NIGHT!)

#across the spiderverse #spiderman atsv #hobie brown #spider punk #hobie brown x reader #hobie x reader #spider punk x reader #spider punk x you #spider punk x y/n #hobie brown x you #pavitr prabhakar

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sammy-is-not-smiley · 2 years

Note

ok since you were looking for fic requests i have one for a robin x reader!!

reader is hoppers daughter. she dated jonathan for the entirety of freshman year. they broke up but it wasn’t bad. hopper keeps saying how good of a kid he was and how the reader should just get back with him. little does he know, she just wants to be with robin. so one day, she slips a confession note into robins trumpet case to meet her in the janitors closet after school. it goes well and they kiss a little ehe. maybe a part two or in the end she introduces robin as her girlfriend and hopper being confused but supportive 👀

Salty, Then Sweet

Robin Buckley x fem!reader

S4 SPOILER FREE

Summary: After going through the summer of 85' with Steve and Robin, you've had feelings develop for Robin. Now, after a sleepover with her, you suddenly felt the strong urge to confess your feelings. Could she love you too?

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings/tags: Underage drinking, language, PTSD, nightmares, nightmare scene, hurt/comfort, love confessions, Hopper is still in Hawkins after season 3, reader is hoppers daughter, gay kissy, timeline might feel off idk

A/N: I FINALLY FINISHED IT! The longest fic I've finished yet. This one was a lot of fun to write, I hope it's what you were imagining. I went a little off the request and then back to it lol

Butter sizzled in the frying pan, making you jump slightly out of your sleepy stupor. Your father had the heat up way too high on the stove again. He would tell you he liked how the burnt butter tasted, but you knew his pride was just a pill too big to swallow. You sighed heavily and rubbed your eyes, trying to listen to what your father was griping at you about this time.

“I'm just saying, he was a good kid to ya.”

Oh. Right. This again.

He sloppily cracked an egg on the stove and thumbed at the shell. “When you two dated he helped you keep a schedule. You were never too out too late, always got enough sleep,” He finally dumped the egg onto the hot skillet, “And your grades definitely saw better days with him.”

“Dad,” You groaned, resisting the urge to let your head drop to the table. “I’m pretty sure you liked Jonathan more than I did, but can we not talk about him now?... Not this early,” You finished under your breath. You hadn’t dated Jonathan Byers since freshman year. The end of junior year was just around the corner and somehow your father still pressured you any chance he got to get back with Jonathan. Your family had a past with his, sure, from small interactions to dealing with the supernatural. But your father's obsession with you getting back with Jonathan was starting to get annoying. You wouldn’t tell anyone this, but deep down you had never felt any attraction to Jonathan.

Your father sighed irritably, “Fine, fine. My point is you’re staying up way too late. You never used to come in here half asleep like this.” He gestured with his spatula and flipped the already overcooked egg. "I get you're young but sleep is important"

"I know."

"I don't even know what you would be staying up doing."

"Mm-hm."

"If this keeps up, though, I might have to take your radio or something-"

“You ever think maybe it’s because I have nightmares?” You suddenly snapped, startling you both.

His spatula froze a moment as if he was taking a second to buffer. His shoulders then sagged and he continued his cooking. You watched as he put fresh bacon, eggs, and toast on your plate then walked over and slid it in front of you. You stared intently at him, trying to gauge his feelings through his expression. It was no use, he rarely wore his emotions on his face. He put his own plate down across from you and allowed himself to fall into the chair. Neither of you touched your food.

After a bit, your father finally broke the silence. “I didn’t mean for you to get involved in my work,” He muttered, guilt present in his tone. “.... What kind of nightmares?"

You shrugged, gazing down at your eggs. The edges looked burnt, dripping with brown butter. “Those stupid monsters… and the Russians… Having to run for my life, watching Jonathan or Robin die in front of me even though they're still here… Stupid stuff.”

“Don’t call them stupid, they’re normal. You went through a lot… we all did.”

You nodded, thinking back to the events of the past summer.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

You gave a weak shrug, flicking your bacon with your finger.

“How long?”

“Since I first saw one of those things in Jonathan’s house.”

You had been with Nancy and Jonathan when they discovered what they would later call the Demogorgon. You were right there when it somehow entered their house and attempted an attack. Lights flashing and heart beating out of your chest. Ever since then, your nights had never been the same.

“Shit… (y/n) Hopper, you need to tell me these damn things,” Your father chastised sternly, however, you knew this was just how he got when he cared. “I need to know when things aren’t good.”

You smiled bitterly, grabbing your fork. “If I did, I’d start sounding like the boy who cried wolf.” With that, you shoved your breakfast into your mouth. Things hadn’t felt good for a long while.

Your father leaned back in his chair with a heavy, unsatisfied dad sigh, then began going at his breakfast as well.

As you both ate in silence, your mind still lingered on just a few months earlier. You wished things could have stayed the way they were. Working with Steve and Robin at the mall was one of the best things to happen to you… until it quickly descended into madness once again. Yes, you all managed to stay together despite being kidnapped by the Russian government, but that didn’t make the situation okay. Far from it actually. To add to your trauma from interdimensional monsters, you ended up facing federal agent-level torture. It was the first time you ever felt true terror from the presence of other human beings. It was the first time you ever got beat up and bloodied. But towards the end of it all… It was also the first time you realized exactly what it was you felt for Robin.

While you wanted anything but for Rob to get involved and be put at risk, you felt better knowing she knew the chaos you knew was lurking in Hawkins. You felt better knowing you could go to her about your nightmares, which you did. Quite often in fact. Before your father, she was the only one you ever told. She was the only one you ever called at 3 am. She was the only one you felt like would ever answer.

As soon as you were finished eating, you got up and got ready for school. It didn’t take you long, the sleepless nights slowly forced you to make your self-maintenance routine shorter and shorter.

School hadn’t felt the same since all of this had started either. Ever since Will had first gone missing, tasks that should have felt normal… didn’t anymore. The feeling always hit you at unexpected times too. While walking down the hallway at school, during dodgeball, while shopping for groceries. You hated how that was no longer your normal and how fighting monsters was. You knew nothing would be the same and a sense of mourning for the past would come over you every time you remembered that.

---------

Lazily you stared at the blank chalkboard, mind empty, waiting for class to start. Somehow you managed to get to first period on time today, probably because your father had drug you out of bed for the ‘proper breakfast’. You could still taste the burnt butter on your lips.

“Hey, hey,” An chipper voice pulled you from your gaze. Robin sat next to you, a pile of textbooks thumping on her desk. “You got here before me! You slept better I’m guessing? I mean you didn’t call like usual last night. I hoped that meant you were doing better.”

The night before had been rough. It was one of those nights where you couldn’t close your eyes without seeing one of those monsters blooming their face of teeth at you. You could have sworn you heard one gurgling outside your window at one point. Guilt had kept you from grabbing the phone and calling Robin though.

“Yep, slept through the night," You swiftly lied.

She beamed, but it faltered as she leaned in and inspected your face more closely. “You got something on your face,” Her hand came up and wiped at the corner of your mouth, then she wiped it on her pants. “All good. Guess it was some breakfast I hope?”

“Yeah,” You nodded, fighting a smile, “Dad made us both breakfast this morning.”

She beamed once again, this time remaining that way. “Nice! Slept through the night and got breakfast. Look at you, a babe, and with your life together.” She nudged you on the arm, both the compliment and her touch making butterflies rage in your stomach. All you could do is smile in return, even if it was founded on a lie. “Hey, tell you what,” She continued, “Why don’t you come to my house tonight for a sleepover? My parents will be out late on a date so we can have a movie night! We have popcorn and fuzzy blankets-- Oh there's this one blanket I’ve had since I was little that's SO SOFT. No matter how much we've washed it, it somehow stays that way. I'm pretty sure if I ever go to college I would take it with me-” And from there she rambled on, happy as ever. You loved the way her eyes lit up and how her hands went crazy when talking about the things she loved. You were pretty sure you didn’t even get to tell her 'yes' to the invitation to her house.

By the end of class, she gave you a time to be at her house, offering to have Steve pick you up for her. You agreed considering he was the only person out of the three of you with their own car. With plans solidified for that night, you parted ways down the hall, to your dismay. You wished you had more classes with her.

The rest of the day was a blur and suddenly you were zapped full of energy as if her touch gave you just enough power up to make it until the end of the school day. Another failed quiz didn’t even bring you down like it normally would. Before you knew it, you were getting off the school bus and running down your driveway to hurry up and pack your things.

----------

Steve was in a rush to get you to Robins as he was already late for his shift at yet another job. You knew his boss would give him shit about it, but bless him for still pulling through for you and Rob.

You had scrambled out of his car at your arrival, just as eager to get to Robin as he was to get to work.

Your heart jumped in your throat at the sight of her when she opened the front door. Rob was wearing the shortest pair of bottoms you had ever seen on her. You'd go as far as to say they were boy shorts a size too small. It was compensated with a large baggy t-shirt from band, hand cut into a short crop top and exposing her belly.

"Hey!" She paused a second and leaned out the door. "The whore didn't bother to walk you to the porch?"

You scoffed, using it as an excuse to pull your gaze and instead look to Steve's car turning out of the driveway. "Nah, he's too anxious to get to his new flirting grounds." You felt a tingle in your stomach when Robin smirked at your remark.

Although snickering with her, you were deflecting the situation with humor. You liked Steve, he was sweet and a big dummy, but deep down… you were jealous of him. Jealous of how close he and Robin seemed to be. They always emphasized their 'relationship' wasn't a relationship at all, they were just friends. Strictly and forever platonic. It didn't change the fact you wanted that same kind of closeness with Robin though…. And maybe even closer.

"Figures," Robin rolled her eyes. "Get in here, make yourself at home."

You did so, kicking your shoes off and dropping your overnight bag at the door. As soon as you were unencumbered, she jolted and tossed her hands up in excitement. "Oh!! Did I tell you what Steve was able to get for us?"

"No," You shook your head plainly, smiling at her animation. You loved when she did that, even if it was mentioning Steve.

She grabbed hold of your wrist and drug you to the kitchen. Getting into the fridge, she reached to the back and proudly held up a bottle of tequila.

"Robin…" You whined, "We still have school in the morning, you know."

"I know, I know," She put her hands up in defense, "We won't get drunk or anything, okay? Just a few shots to relax."

You shook your head in disbelief, taking the chilled bottle from her. "Never thought you, the band kid, would peer pressure me into drinking. I think you're spending too much time with Steve," You jested, inspecting the bottle. Although once again, there was truth in your statement, you would admit spending the night watching a movie and drinking felt like a good plan.

"What can I say, he's clingy," She shrugged and took the bottle from you to set on the counter.. "Also I didn't know what movie to get so I think we'll just have Breakfast Club on in the background again while we drink and snack and whatever the fuck else we want to."

You nodded fervently, convinced she had somehow read your mind. "Let me change first though, I need to be comfy."

"Sure, you know where the bathroom is."

Walking past the front door, you grabbed your bag and locked yourself in the bathroom out of habit.

Once you were changed, you couldn't help but stare at your choice of pajamas in the mirror, comparing them to hers. Should you have tried wearing something more revealing? Could you have worn a shirt that figured you better? You about slapped yourself for getting insecure over something as dumb as your pajamas. Quickly, you gathered your things and yanked open the door, the only thing on your mind being shots.

When you got back to the kitchen, Robin already had the limes cut and ready in a bowl.

"Let's get wasted… but not," She elbowed you teasingly and began to pop open the bottle. You stared at her hands as she worked the cork off, slender and calculated with a dash of clumsiness thrown in. Her nails were painted but scuffed and her rings gleamed slightly in the fluorescent light. It felt like forever before she got the bottle open.

Right as she was about to pour the liquid into shot glasses, you stopped her. "Can you… just give me the bottle?"

She froze, wide-eyed at you. "... You sure?"

You nodded. Although surprised at yourself, you were ready for the anxiety in the pit of your stomach to drown in alcohol.

Hesitantly, she handed you the bottle. As soon as your hand connected with the cold glass, you tossed it back in two swift swigs, treating it as if it were water. Your regret was prompt as soon as you swallowed, your eyes going wide and coughs bursting out uncontrollably.

"Take a lime, take a lime!" Robin laughed, shoving the bowl of limes at you.

You quickly brought one to your mouth, although you were pretty sure it was too late, the desperation on your face evident.

"Damn, (y/l/n), never took you for the type…" She gawked at you, mouth slightly agape. It wasn't often you left her genuinely in awe of your actions.

You wearily tried to smile, but it caused your face to twist into a lopsided grimace, making both of you split your sides in laughter.

"Alright, fair is fair," She mumbled, swiping the bottle from you and copying your actions. The result was entirely the same, just reversed. You were now the one laughing at her as you pushed the limes to her.

The night went on like this. Against your better judgment, you kept gulping straight from the bottle. In between swigs, you tucked the bowl of limes and the bottle in some pillows between you both on the living room floor along with the snacks. The mixture of alcohol, popcorn, and candy sat uncomfortably in your stomach, but it didn't matter. The way Robin laughed when she drank was priceless. It made the butterflies numb the slurry in your stomach. You wanted to hold on to these moments forever. By the time Robin finally took the bottle away from you and back to the kitchen, you both weren't quite drunk, but you definitely weren't sober.

Before you knew it the movie credits were rolling and Robin was checking her watch. "Damn, mom and dad are probably on their way home." She stood from the nest of pillows and blankets on the floor and lifted her arms to stretch. The movement revealed more of her torso, her sports bra peeking out ever so teasingly. You quickly looked away before she caught you staring up at her like a freak. Little did you know, she already had and smirked to herself, cheeks heating slightly.

"We gotta be in bed by the time they get here or they'll be pissed. Ya know, school night and all," She mocked goofily.

You cleaned the living room and kitchen together and managed to finish up just as a pair of headlights appeared in the driveway. You both dashed up the stairs, racing to the bedroom together prudently. The front door opened just as you closed her bedroom door, making you both giggle like a couple of middle schoolers. In all honesty, her parents wouldn't have been all that upset if you two were still up. But it was still fun to make a harmless game out of it.

When the lights went out, you fell into a night of sleep faster than you had in months. Although you were sure the alcohol helped, you felt the safest sleeping next to Robin in the bed. Knowing she was right there made all your worries fade into the background, barely seen or noticed.

----------

It's so cold.

"Keep running!" A voice screamed at you from behind.

Something galloped behind you in hard impending steps. It was getting closer… And it felt like it had been for a while.

You sprinted through the woods, terror powering every stride you took. You couldn't bring yourself to glance back, for fear you'd catch sight of the creature pursuing you and the other person with you.

Your head throbbed, blood pulling through your veins at an alarming rate. You didn't know where you were, which filled you with even more dread.

Branches and bushes clawed at your skin like fingernails, leaving burning scratches in their wake.

The creature behind you roared, the sound rumbling deep into your gut. An approaching doom that was so close, yet somehow it hadn't arrived yet.

Suddenly a scream ripped through the air and reverberated down your spine.

Skidding to a stop, you looked behind you for the first time. A stiff body lay on the ground as a demodog feasted on the ripped-open belly. Blood. Blood was everywhere. On the leaves, the body, the demodog's face, your shoes, the trees… everything suddenly now sheened with fresh blood.

You watched helplessly as the limp body began to slowly turn its head to you and you fell to your knees in anguish.

Robin.

Robin was being eaten alive.

"Please…" She pleaded in a broken sob, however, her face showed no emotion as if she had already passed on.

You felt yourself breaking down on the inside, tears freely streaming down your face. Why didn't you reach for her behind you? Why did you leave her instead of running side by side? This was your fault. You were the reason for her suffering. You lost her because of your own selfishness.

"I'm sorry," You tried to cry out to her, but the words wouldn't form. Your throat felt like it was closing up. It stung and the breath was stolen from your lungs.

"Please…" She croaked again, blood beginning to leak from her eyes resembling the cruel form of tears. "(Y/n)..." Your name echoed from her in barely a whisper.

Your weeping was uncontrolled now and you attempted lamely to crawl to Robin’s aide.

The demodog suddenly stopped and trained its attention onto you. Although it had no eyes, you could have sworn it was looking into your very soul. Like it knew your guilt.

It gurgled and chittered menacingly, blood oozing from its odd lips in thick, viscous drips. It stepped over Robins's body, stopping and standing over her as if she were its property.

Its mouth blossomed wide in rows of teeth, Robins's flesh and blood splattering forward to the ground. A roar bellowed deep from within it, making the trees around you tremble in some sort of earthquake.

"(Y/n), please!!" Robin's voice screamed out at you. "Please, wake up!!"

The demodog lunged forward at you at terrifying speed.

"Wake up!!"

You awoke with a violent jolt, nearly tumbling off the side of the mattress you were on. Your eyes were suddenly no longer closed but wide open, darting around you for any sign of danger. Before you could get up from the bed and try to run, as was usually your first inclination after a nightmare, you felt the pressure of someone sitting on top of you at the waist. A pair of warm hands caressed your face at the sides, forcing you to look straight up at who had pinned you down.

Robins horrified but compassionate face looked down at you, her shoulders heaving in breaths as quick as yours.

"Oh thank God you're awake," She muttered, swiping your cheek with her thumb. It was cold and wet. Tears. "You started sobbing in your sleep."

The fear subsided slightly and the emotions came flooding in full force. It was all a nightmare… None of it had been real. "Oh god," You choked out, bringing your trembling hands up to her wrists. "Rob, th- that was… The worst one. That was the worst yet," You couldn't hold anything back, you couldn't stop the tears from flowing. She was okay. She wasn't dead because of you.

"Shit," She let out in a breath, then leaned down, pressing her body weight completely onto you in a type of hug.

You wrapped her in your arms and squeezed, both relieved she was okay and terrified of thinking of ever losing her. You tucked your nose into her shoulder, sobs racking your body in brutal tremors. She was so warm.

"I’m right here… I’m here…I thought they were getting better," She said nearly in a whisper. You felt her slide her hand to the back of your head and begin stroking it soothingly with her fingertips.

"They never were," You confessed in messy uneven breaths.

And that's where she left it. She didn't say another word to you that night, but you didn't need her to. The fact that she stayed there, pressing herself to you like a weighted blanket was enough. The pattern of her breathing was enough, the clean smell of her shirt was enough, the way her hair tickled your face was enough. Under her, you slowly could distance yourself from the images of the nightmare and you felt safer and safer. Only that way were you able to finally calm down and gradually let yourself fall into another slumber, tears still wet on your face.

----------

Beep beep beep beep

Robin's morning alarm… Right. You both still had school.

Your heavy eyes broke open to meet Robin's sleeping face mere inches from yours. Although no longer on top of you, she still had you pulled to her body by the waist, legs in a tangled mess.

You leaned over and hit snooze on her alarm clock, thankful Rob was one of the heaviest sleepers you had ever met.

The pillow cradled your head again and you lay there, staring at her lovingly. You watched her eyes lightly flutter in her sleep, her eyelashes thick and perfect. Her hair was an absolute bird's nest and it made you snicker to yourself. Then the events of the night before surfaced in your mind.

You had woken her up with your nightmare. God, it must have been really bad to have woken her up. Shame hollowed into a pit in your stomach and you pulled away from her touch.

You weren't sure how much longer you could take this. The nightmares weren't the only thing that had been eating you up inside for months. Every day your chest ached over Robin. Every day you wondered if today would be the day you would say something. It never was, but it was getting harder to keep it that way.

You loved her… and you wondered if maybe she could love you too.

After the night before, feeling her intimate touch when you were at your worst… hearing her lovely voice in your ear to ground you again… you knew you couldn't keep how you felt a secret anymore. Something had to be done. That felt like the breaking point.

You untangled your legs from hers and got up to begin getting ready for the school day. You were going to let Robin sleep a little longer, considering you kept her up the night before. The only thing keeping you going that morning was the fact that you could walk to first period together.

----------

Your bedroom door creaked open behind you and was paired with a quiet knock. "Hey, kid, how was Robins the other night?" Your father asked.

You paused your writing at your desk and didn't turn to look at him. "Good."

"Good, good… Sorry I had to work so late last night." It was quiet for a moment. "You… have any nightmares at her place?"

"No," You lied.

"Oh… really?"

“Really,” You nodded. Only then you turned to look at him. "She makes me feel safe, dad." You weren't going to try and hide everything from him…. Considering you were going to hide the note you were writing from him, you had to let some truth slip. Half-truths were going to have to be the compromise to keep your conscience quiet.

Your father simply nodded back at you, then told you he was heading out for work early that morning. You weren’t convinced he was fully appeased with your conversation with him, but you had other things on your mind to think about.

After his leave, you continued your writing.

Your hand ached as you wrote everything in a note. When the feelings started, the jealousy of Steve, the fear you had deep down that the feelings could ruin your friendship with her, her presence in the nightmares, your nightmare at her house, all of it. Nothing was held back. Once it was all written out and physically there in front of you… It scared you. But you weren't going to let that dampen the determination you felt to get this over with.

You asked her at the end to meet you in the alleyway next to the running track as soon as she was done with band practice. Once she knew everything, you needed to talk to her face to face. It felt like the final battle. The most telling moment.

After that, you let your pencil hover over the bottom line, hesitating to sign the note. In the end, you decided the leave it unsigned. All you could imagine was the worst-case scenario. The look of disgust Robin could have when she read it. You trusted she would know it was you based on the context and that she wouldn’t spread rumors. But if someone else were to find the note, you didn't want it to be traced back to you. This information had the potential to ruin the rest of high school for you both.

Tentatively, you folded the note and slid it into an envelope, sealing it with an ice cream cone sticker. It felt fitting.

Checking the time once you were done, you grabbed your things and went out to wait for the bus.

----------

At the end of the school day, you snuck into Robins's band practice in the gym, scouring for her trumpet case. You recognized it immediately and quickly slipped the note into it, heart beating loudly in your ears.

As quietly as you snuck in, you snuck out and made your way outside to the alleyway. You pressed your back to the cold brick and slid down, picking at your nails anxiously for her arrival.

You hoped the band director wouldn’t keep them long that day. The last thing you needed was to be sitting out there until dark or something. You missed the bus for this, so walking home in the cold at night was definitely a possibility. Sure, you could call your father, whether at the police station or at home depending on the time, but you knew he would drill you with questions as to why you were at school so late. You didn’t have the mental energy for an interrogation like that.

Before long, you heard the gravel crunching under the steps of someone approaching to your left. Too nervous to look, you kept your eyes trained on your hands in front of you. Behind them, a pair of beat-up red converse came to a stop. The person wearing them didn’t say anything, but you knew exactly who it was. Sheepishly, you raised your eyes up to meet Robin’s staring down at you. She offered a sympathetic smile and lifted the piece of paper with your handwriting on it. However, she didn’t say a word.

You raised your brow at her. “What do you want me to say?”

“Can you stand up?”

A sigh pushed out of you and begrudgingly you stood from the ground to face her. You hugged yourself, telling yourself it was because of the cold.

Robin shifted the paper in her hands and looked down at it, her expression unreadable. She was quiet, and that was out of the norm.

“I meant all of it,” You vacillated quietly, the silence between you both feeling too tense.

She nodded. “I know…” She looked up at you, eyes softening. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course-” You were cut off by her body crashing into yours, pushing you against the brick, and her lips meeting yours. For a moment you went wide-eyed, but it didn’t take long for you to close your eyes and melt into the kiss. You felt like you were spinning as her lips fitted perfectly to yours, dancing together in a choreography that only you two knew. Her hands snaked around your waist, the letter falling to your feet and your hands found themselves weaving into her hair, pulling her face to yours as if you two could get any closer.

She was the first to pull away, warm breaths tickling your cold face. If your cheeks hadn’t been rosy before, they definitely were now.

“Did that make sense?” She whispered after a moment, a worried smile growing on her face.

You smiled back and put your forehead to hers as you cradled her cheeks. “Absolutely,” You giggled. “And I loved every word.”

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