#i'm not saying don't be happy about being autistic

[xiki-pupper]

I can understand how Shuro may be a frustrating character to some folks - in fact that is kinda what he is there for, narratively speaking. But it really gives me ick when people just wanna shit on him for "being awful/the worst/an asshole"

The way I see it, the dude is his own different flavor of Autism- repressed, conditioned, awkward, and forced to participate in high society, not to mention the culture clash - and he sees laios just being his own weirdo self and he hates it --- no, thats not it. I honestly don't think he hates laios; i truly believe he hates that Laios gets to be TRUE to himself, and he (shuro) Doesn't get to be.

And it's a feeling I can understand and sympathize and empathize with, as I have been on my own personal journey to try and un-mask and deconstruct and heal myself in a world that has made me feel broken my entire life

People scream "hypocrisy" as shuro sees the same traits between the touden siblings, and is attracted to one whilst hating the other - and yes, I can agree that it's a bit hypocritical, but yall are taking it at face value and not understanding where his feelings are coming from. Shuro doesn't hate laios because he has a special interest, shuro hates that his whole life, he has had to squash himself into a form-fitting box, behave as his family commands, and now he sees laios being free of expectation, just out here being a weirdo, and shuro is possibly feeling that frustrated grief that comes with the late diagnosed autistic situation of "I could have been happy, too, but no, *I* had to be the responsible one"

... at least, that's how I view it. Coz I myself have had those thoughts. And I know, it's NOT a good look for me to be out here admitting that I have felt this way, like for example, maybe I see someone else's struggle with anxiety, whether it's online or in real life, and I have this bitter thought to myself of "yeah, I have anxiety too, but *I* was still forced to be a responsible adult anyway" which makes me momentarily frustrated.

And before anyone jumps my ass about it, NO, I definitely DO NOT think that "if I had to suffer thru it, so should everyone else" that's NOT what I'm saying. But I AM saying that, there is a bitterness, when u see someone who is able to avoid a struggle that you had to endure - that bitterness is NOT thinking that everyone should suffer as I did, but me being bitter that *I had to* at all.

Does that make sense? Coz I really feel like Shuro just gets shit on because people think he's there to interrupt the Yuri and be mean to Laois, and I really feel that he's a whole ass person. And a somewhat melancholic one, at that. He makes me think of how I had to grow up Christian whilst being queer and undiagnosed Audhd my entire life, and I would be very very surprised to hear that a large chunk of dunmeshi fans didn't ALSO grow up this way, feeling broken and stupid and tired, forced to do things the "normal people" way, and then NOT understand how Shuro feels when he sees someone who is in a position to be mostly free of that...

#dummeshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #toshiro nakamoto #danmeshi

[sophie-frm-mars]

Liberal Dissociative Amnesia

The Cass Review is the most discussed political topic among trans people in the UK right now. The 388 page report by Dr Hillary Cass examines the gender services available to young people in the UK and concludes that young people are being let down, gender services need to be taken out of reach for trans people under 25 and a new system which urges avoiding transition at every turn needs to be created which will refer people at age 25.

I just watched Michael Walker on Novara Media say "I think there are some very difficult questions here that I really don't know the answer to", and I find myself baffled by statements like this. I did actually understand in watching what specific questions he thought were "difficult", and I think someone could probably answer them pretty effectively to a standard he was happy with if he had a well informed trans person who he trusted in his life. The problem is, the whole segment was presented with as much equivocation and both-sidesing as possible, this constant air of "what if"

I feel like I'm observing a dissociative amnesia that people like this run into when discussing something that people they can easily see are bigots have declared to be scientific and complicated and requiring serious scrutiny. The Novara team understand the broad wave of anti-trans attacks happening across much of the world, particularly America and Britain, right now, even if they won't necessarily call it genocide - so why does this story exist completely devoid of context? Why is it suddenly time to ask "difficult questions"?

Walker wonders out loud about people on a spectrum where at one end people would have always been cis under all circumstances and on the other they would have always been trans, and in the middle of course are people who might transition if it's easier and there's less stigma. His point as far as I can tell is that somewhere in there it could get TOO easy to transition and then people will do it and regret it. Do I need to bother saying this is why we have informed consent?

It's like the people trying to wipe us out are playing Simon Says with the most progressive of our liberal media. The progressives can see bigotry for what it is most of the time and then somehow suddenly it becomes ✨special science bigotry ✨ and, perhaps because there's an institutional weight behind it, perhaps because it claims to be a serious study, or perhaps just because of the aesthetics of intellectualism the progressive journalists mysteriously forget about the whole wider context of transphobia around the world and have to apply rigorous journalistic standards to it.

"There's social contagion!" "No that's bigotry"

"They're just undiagnosed autistic people!" "No they're trans AND autistic"

"They're coming after the kids!" "No, that's age old queerphobia"

"✨Simon Says ✨ there's social contagion!" "oh well this warrants very careful discussion, I need to think very hard about this before taking a side here, it's a toxic culture war debate and we must remain ✨rational✨ when discussing issues like this..."

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to get me a replacement mask?

So I and my girlfriend (both adults) are in a long-distance relationship and live on different continents but visit each other for periods of weeks to months at a time. As background context, my girlfriend is notoriously bad with money - she's owed me over $1500 for half a year now after I covered some big expenses for her when she was unable to save in time, though I've told her there's no particular deadline for giving it back and to just do it when she's able, but she's also borrowed money from her parents, she's paying off a credit card debt, and despite having a full-time job she seems completely unable to save anything substantial and is constantly buying things.

We both like a certain musician, and this shared interest in the musician is actually how we met in the first place and bonded. They've dropped some merch in the past, and it always sold out within 5-10 minutes, and they're borderline impossible to get now unless you a) are lucky enough to find another fan who's giving theirs away, which is super rare because of how hard they are to replace, or b) are willing to fork out thousands of dollars for a resold one on some dodgy site somewhere. One of the merch items I got from one of those drops was a facemask, and my girlfriend has a matching one - I can't remember if it was something I bought for her, since I did that with some merch if I got there in time, or one she bought herself. It became a huge comfort item for me - I'm both autistic and have avoidant personality disorder, so I'm almost always in some kind of mask to hide my face, and this one being connected to a special interest as well as comfortable and a perfect size (and goes with all my clothes!) made me super happy. Last time she visited, we joked around about having identical masks but that it was easy to tell which one was hers because it had makeup stains all over the inside.

As she packed to leave, I mentioned that I couldn't find my mask anywhere and asked if she'd picked mine up as well as hers by accident, so she dug through her bags and said she didn't have it, only hers. I was kinda disappointed but I figured it'd turn up sooner or later so I accepted it, and she flew back home.

A few days later, she let me know she'd unpacked and discovered she actually did have both our masks. I asked her to send it back to me, and she said she would.

Fast forward a few months, I'd asked a few more times, and she always said she would soon. Eventually, when I asked one time, she told me she'd lost it. Her mother had tidied her entire room and she no longer had any idea where either of our masks were. I was kind of frustrated so I asked why she couldn't have just sent it over when I initially asked, and she snapped back that she couldn't afford it, which doesn't make much sense to me because she definitely does have enough to send over a flat envelope, which a fabric face mask would easily fit in just like a letter.

It's been a few months since then and I've been looking and looking for any kind of replacement, but all I can find are knock-off versions that are made from different materials or don't look the same. I did see one resold for like $20 ages ago, so it definitely happens, but it's so rare.

WIBTA if I told my girlfriend I'm expecting her to replace the one she lost even if it's putting more financial pressure on her? I feel really dumb for getting so upset about a mask, but it was one of my favourite belongings and it's genuinely upsetting that it was taken and lost.

To get out ahead of any comment saying it, I have full 100% faith that she did not do it intentionally and she didn't sell it or anything like that. She wouldn't have even thought about the possibility of doing that and I absolutely believe it was an accident and she just grabbed both masks or had been holding onto mine for me and forgotten it was in a bag etc.

#aita #am i the asshole

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A digital drawing of Minos Prime from Ultrakill, who's wearing a strapless slit dress and sandals of the same deep purple. He faces towards and slightly to the right of the camera, his head is tilted further right. With one hand he gestures in a vague pointing motion, his arm folded and held close to his body. There is nothing in the background, but bracing himself on one arm, Minos is implied to be leaning against something about the height of a countertop. The background is a blank purplish black, save for three diagonal stripes in the colors of the bisexual flag. End ID]

Shading study that quite literally came to me in a dream two weeks ago, after this post apparently beamed itself into my mind

(also a few edits below the cut! they're very slight but whatever :])

[Start ID. Three different versions of the previous drawing. The first changes the tone of the lighting from blue to pink, and similarly the shading from pink to blue. The second replaces the faint black border with pink, purple and blue, syncing with the stripes in the background. The third combines both these changes. End ID]

#the tags got NERFED so let's try this again. #peridots-art #minos prime ultrakill #ultrakill #ask to tag #organs #...? gore maybe? for the whole ''transparent chest/visible cardiovascular system'' thing. not very detailed/realistic though so #i don't think this has all of the same charm as i usually find in my posts. but i tried my best to make it work so i don't think it matters #also ''not too happy with how this turned out'' is something i've seen tacked onto posts worthy of being preserved in museums #i heard someone say his snakes should be ball pythons. i'm not autistic about snakes so i decided to listen to the masters #i still have seven levels to p-rank before i can meet this guy!! halfway there (lust/greed and 1-3 remaining) i've only had my own copy #of ultrakill for a week and i already have 33 hours in. anyway he's grown on me i think. absolute bi king and only monarch i respect <3 #i think it's interesting how i now define my queerness by being gray-ace and trans when i first only identified with bisexual. it's still #an important part of me even if sometimes i forget. sorry that sounds completely unrelated but it's related to my feelings on this piece #anyway (i wonder how many ''anyway''s i've slapped on so far) i also find it interesting how often people draw him with this body type. #i think it's cool there's variety in how people draw the uk characters. it just kinda feels right here? i know i unfortunately don't draw #fat characters often at all (partially due to being a primarily fandom blog who likes to stick to canon designs. i wouldn't say i have #trouble with drawing a realistic amount of fat even on rather thin people though lol) but i try! also genuinely unsure what counts as like. #fat vs chubby? or whatever? i don't know exactly how the terminology works and a fair amount of minos' bulk is muscle anyway but. yeah 👍 #men are pretty in dresses my final message. goodbye

[leonidskies]

It's time for The Fears (worrying that I'm doing my early 20s wrong because I don't hate my life) ???????

#thoughts that do in fact make no sense when they leave my brain! #idk. i live with my partner i have a job i don't hate i love my friends #i get to eat good food and i decide exactly what it is. i earn enough that every so often i can acquire items that make my life more my own #i bought my own pyjamas for the first time this year. i just bought tea towels for the first time. i have furniture now #people say that your early 20s is about hating your job and barely scraping by but idk. I'm doing okay?? #it makes me feel like I'm missing something. is there smth I'm meant to be doing that will consequentially make me miserable #very autistic thoughts to have mayhaps. i hate being happy when other people are miserable but that's SILLY. #the people who love me want me to have a good life. suffering is not a badge of honour we all have to wear. if I'm lucky I'm LUCKY #and that's a good thing. #this has been your irregularly scheduled brain time

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Thinking more about the rude anons lately and just... what kind of person do you have to be to go to a random stranger's inbox, assume you know enough about them to tell them they're crazy, or that they need therapy because you disagree with them saying "actually, you should listen to marginalized people about their own oppression and experiences", or that they're a pick-me for using microlabels well-accepted and defended by the community they belong to, or...?

What kind of convoluted reasoning do you have to have, what kind of self-awareness do you have to lack, to think you're somehow doing justice by saying that psych should be used as a tool by majority society to force conformity on anyone who harmlessly annoys you or makes you uncomfortable, and yet not see that historically that's how it's been and continues to be used (in ways that likely actively harm them too)?

How little do you know about psychiatry to not understand that very little of it actually overlaps with neurology, both being infant sciences, and that psychiatry as its intended separate from ableism and capitalism is simply the science of listening to people's internal thoughts and emotions and recording commonalities?

Or to not understand that since its conception, psychiatry has had a proud and storied tradition of able-minded and able-bodied neurotypicals patronizing and infantilizing us and encoding their biases on our perspectives into diagnostic manuals that they then used to imprison, torture, and kill us and other marginalized people? And then to not recognize that doing so as a neurodivergent disabled person only aids and upholds that institution?

On the other hand, what kind of justifications does one have to make to themself to say "actually, this other part of this marginalized community is the only authority on this because they are the only ones really oppressed. It's definitely not circular logic to say that all of your claims of oppression are wrong because you're not oppressed and people who are not oppressed can't claim they're oppressed"?

Plenty of these anons have been so vague I don't even know what they're annoyed about. I know the aphobic one was about a microlabel (and a fairly well known one at that, so probably your average mogai-hater guy) but the others?

"Get help" so you endorse coercive enforcement of a consensus standard of normalcy even when the deviancy you so violently despise, in your own words, is merely annoying?

"I'm just concerned, you're out of touch with reality, spend less time online", somehow you managed to hit ableism, sanism, and some pretty wild assumptions about who I am as a person when you yourself admit you came from a random reblog of mine, all at once! Like truly, what gives you the gall to presume you know anything about my life?

I'd even be willing to extend good faith and say it's reasonable to assume honesty of everyone you meet on the internet. Even with that...

Do I buy my food at a farmer's market or a local employee owned chain grocery store or a supercorp and would that last option be out of ignorance, apathy, or living in a food desert? How often do I go to the local library, what do I do there, and do I get there by bus, uber, a friend driving me, or walking/biking?

What organizations do I volunteer with, and in what capacity/doing what tasks? If I tell you that I volunteer primarily in an online capacity, is it because I'm immunocompromised and no one masks at the physical locations anymore, because my doctor is refusing to provide a mobility aid that I desperately need, because public transport is sensory and chronic pain hell, because public transport here requires a four hour round trip just to get to the Walmart seven miles away, because the primary international org I support doesn't have US locations, because we're in a heat wave that is exponentially deadly to me due to my disabilities, or because I'm simply too sick to leave the house at all most days?

Who are my friends and family? When and where and how do I love them? How much time have I spent helping my incredible partner do the hard, hard work of learning to love herself and to heal, and how many infinities more would I pour into it? How often do I play fortnite with our best friend even though I DESPISE fortnite, just because I love him so much? How many times do I use most or all of my spoons for the day fighting executive dysfunction so I can read another of my best friend's amazing fics, sometimes for fandoms I'm not even in, just to leave comments to build them up?

(Is our landlord fucking us over because we're poor, trans, or disabled? Seriously, I'd like to know, because if it's either of the second, we could sue for damages and get the fuck outta here.)

I mean, that's just it. You don't know me, and I don't know how you can convince yourselves that you do enough to waste both our time being - well, an annoyance! Like, this is not a vent post, I've made those already, I just truly don't get it.

I mean, do you get some trivial satisfaction of feeling like you've done your social justice for the day by telling some random stranger that they're "insane"?

Does it make you feel superior to tell said stranger that they think non-aspec queers are "whores" for having sex, ignoring their near-CONSTANT aggressive posting about the importance of sex positivity and the harm of whorephobia, puritanism, culturally christian ideals of sex as "sinful", and how this impacts ace people, aro people, genderqueer people, and people of queer sexualities?

(Seriously, how do you act like you know me when ignoring my entire blog? Are you lost?)

Does it make you feel like a good little activist to tell disabled people to touch grass, and ignore every disabled person saying "uh, hey, you should consider the ableist intent behind that statement, or at the very least the ableist impact it has"?

Are you coming from a place of privilege or hurt? Or a mix of both? Are you someone who is not marginalized who is still dealing with genuine problems that aren't being listened to and addressed by the people in your life? Are you a marginalized person who is caught up in the conflation of privilege and oppression and evil, so you're too afraid to recognize your own privilege because that wouldn't be a morally neutral fact but evidence that you're an irredeemably bad person?

Are you a person with a mix of marginalized and nonmarginalized identities (white and trans, goy and plural, perisex and queer) who isn't able to get enough help with the harm you do face and is worried that you'll receive less help within your community if you're seen as an evil oppressor, not recognizing that there are people already receiving even less help and more hurt in your community due to the opposite?

People can say "it's not that complicated", but the truth is, people don't do things for no reason. They may not be self-aware enough to identify it, the people around them rarely have enough context to guess at it, but it's there.

It could be petty; they don't like us and want to make it our problem out of spite. "You wasted our time and made us moderately annoyed so we wanna do the same to you."

It could be out of some twisted sense of justice. Maybe they truly believe they're doing good. A lot of people do. Hell, I believe plenty of r//adfems actually believe they're fighting for women, and very few actually recognize the fascism in their own arguments, in the ones they ally with, or anything. It's a much more extreme example than some rando on tumblr, but the same could apply at a much smaller scale.

But is there some other motivation I'm missing?

I just - I've sent anons and non-anomymous asks when I didn't understand an argument being made for something. If I disagree with someone on something unimportant, I'll either leave it, reblog a joke about it, or block them if I find them annoying enough. If it's something important that they're approaching in good faith, which I assume to the extent of my ability to do so, I'll try to engage without being an asshole.

If it's important and they're engaging in bad faith, I may either reblog a rebuttal or make my own post, but I'll certainly block them - because what's the point in continuing to argue with someone whose goal is to undermine someone's personhood (or the fee things of similar weight) by any means necessary?

I just truly don't understand. Anyone's welcome to contribute to this, btw.

As an afterthought, this anon hate is bigoted, so I don't want to trivialize it. Ableism, sanism, and aphobia are still a big deal even when they are online microaggressions, not just because they cause harm but because these people exist offline and have a material effect on the physical (and medical/legal/social) world. Even the immediate harm is bad, though!

That being said, I want to recognize that I feel lucky (knock on wood) to not have gotten any of the really nasty shit again yet. I haven't seen any suicide baiting or "Keep Yourself Safe"s. I haven't been sent gore or death or rape threats or fantasies. I haven't had anyone tell me that I deserved the horrible traumas that I've been very open about, that I'm lying about being a survivor of things that are literally against T/OS to mention on here, or that they hoped my disabilities were terminal again.

It's uh, obviously coming from a place of trauma to have that as my baseline of "really bad". It's why I respond to anon asks to vent (via screenshotting), why I so vehemently defend the boundaries I set by blocking - not just that I have a right to, but am justified in doing so - why, when I get a fee asks like this in quick succession, and one mentions a reblog, my first thought is "how much worse is this gonna get?"

I know I'm making myself vulnerable by even talking about this. I guess I just hope if this doesn't get through to them, anyone who genuinely thinks this has even a lottery's chance of changing a random stranger's mind about anything will get over that. It's not "there's a tiny, one in a trillion chance". It's not even zero. By doing this, you are actively entrenching anyone, of any belief, further against yours. You are working counter to your own goals.

Hell, it's part of why I'm so block happy. I'm not trying to change the minds of the people I refute. I'm just trying to counter their misinformation, logical fallacies, and emotional manipulation to anyone else who may see the posts.

But also... consider maybe just... not. Sending rude anonymous asks to someone already so sensitized by horrific harassment campaigns that at best they'll block and vent about you and move on and at worst you'll trigger them. I mean, maybe that's the goal of some of you? But if so, why not come in guns blazing with the suibaiting? Why even pretend to be a good person to yourself?

Why?

I don't get it.

#the one by SAS was admittedly kinda funny #like. somehow I give less than zero shits about what they think and their ask only further solidified that #like if you're gonna act like my abuser of course I'm going to care about your opinions even less than hers #(and I care negative many about her opinions. but like... she's a family member so there's feeeeeelings wrapped up in that) #(you're nobody to me) #I refute their posts a lot because they're dangerous and sometimes even cruel #and admittedly I can be a bit of an asshole! lol. I can live with that #I also wonder if they're stalking me from an unblocked account what they think of me continuing to talk about them #are they like “you wouldn't say you didn't care so much if you actually didn't” because hun have you ever MET an autistic person #autistic people will repeatedly emphasize how much we don't give a shit #(somethinsomethin the trauma of people never believing that we're honest about our feelings+projecting onto us what they expect us to feel) #are they getting an ego boost from this? #if so hiiiii I'm always happy as a narcissist to give someone an ego boost even if I consider them a reprehensible human being #(I have NPD and if you're gonna be anableist ass about it gtfo) #(incoming norc orbuse anons in 3...2...) #anyway #stars out peace

[disclaimer-performatico]

.

#so like I thought I was being presumptuous and blowing things out of proportion but after taking some tests #and conferring with friends I am starting to get the distinct impression that I might not be allistic #like certainly I might not be but the tests seemed legitimate enough and so much of my own experience with well life in general seems to #overlap with that of neurodivergent people who talk about theirs #I scored pretty high as well like high enough that statistically acording to the rsult explanations anyway nt don't score that high #but I mean it could always be that I am an outlier but on the other hand it would explain so much about myself #like on the one hand things I have struggled with might have led me to develop those behaviours but on the other it would make sense for #autism (or rather nt social systems vs my autism if there is) to be the reason I struggled to begin with #also like I would like to know but I don't think I necessarily want to get a formal diagnosis #like sure it would be nice to know but I don't know the potential repercussions and #as someone generally perceived as a woman misdiagnosis could very well be within the cards #like I do belong to various groups which are more statistically likely to be autistic but again I could just not be despite this #it still feels somewhat presumptuous to say I am because what if I'm just stereotyping but #it also feels irregular to dismiss the things that point towards it (and there is plenty that does) just on a lack of #professional diagnosis #anyway if anyone has any advice on this or has dealt with something similar and come to a conclusion I'd be happy to hear

[beachboysnatural]

.

#the thing is my mom carries so much pain inside her and i love her so much and she is wonderful #but at the same time there are things that i genuinely don't know if i can forgive. but she acts like there isn't anything #TO forgive which makes it worse #and whenever i bring anything up she doesn't change her behavior because she cannot recognize it when she's wrong about something #but she actually invalidates me a lot and i don't appreciate it and i KNOW i'm annoying about my special interests #but it really sucks that she makes it so obvious #like can't she pretend to be interested in what i want to tell her?? for once?? #you'd think fifteen-plus years of her pretending i was perfectly okay would merit some infodumping on my part #it's just that she's never apologized for not doing anything to help me she's just made excuses and said 'well sorry but' #and that's not enough but at this point i'm not going to GET a genuine apology out of her #or out of my dad he isn't exempt from this! #like i'm scared to ask my dad if he's seen a movie i think he'd be interested in because i don't want to set her off #or deal with her disapproval. and she just doesn't care about my special interests at all #which i get but sometimes i feel like she doesn't really care that they make me happy either #like pretending that i'm not autistic now that i have shit figured out doesn't make it go away #it genuinely fucking sucks but i can't say anything to her because she can't cope with being wrong about anything. even jeopardy answers #this is why it means so much to me that you guys like when i infodump about old hollywood because no one else does #except my sister obvi but she does not live with me so #<333333 #persannal

[spectrumlife99]

Happy Autistic Pride Day!

So I recently learned about Autistic Pride Day, and I really like the idea.  A day where autistic people can be proud to be their autistic selves sounds really nice, especially considering all the struggles, challenges, prejudice, discrimination, and bullying that I and many others (that I personally know IRL) face in our daily lives.  As an AFAB who is a “Level 2 autistic″ according to the DSM 5, and was very obviously autistic from pretty much when I was born and got diagnosed at age 4 (after being on a 2 year long wait list for the evaluation), life is not sunshine and rainbows...at all.  Yet, though I’ve tried to imagine what I would be like if I was NT, I have never been able to imagine it ever.  I used to want cures a lot, but after trying to picture myself as an NT and not being able to, I have realized that I can’t be anything other than autistic, and accepted that.  I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily PROUD of it...not all the time anyway, but there are times where I feel like there are certain things I can do precisely BECAUSE I’m autistic, so that makes me feel better about myself.  

Happy Autistic Pride Day to ALL autistic people out there!      

#actually autistic #autistic pride day #an autistic's thoughts #i don't have much else to say #i don't know how to really talk about how being autistic makes me feel #i'm not the best with thoughts and feelings #it's hard to put it into words #Happy Autistic Pride Day 2022! #SL99 talks

[andthebeanstalk]

It's 3:00 a.m. which means time to get emotional about the song Stray Italian Greyhound and the autistic ability to physically feel love in every molecule

#my therapist was talking about autistic romance today and it was very validating so I told her about my favorite song #I'm really liking having an autistic therapist #original #diary #it's the ultimate pining song but also ends on a triumphant happy feeling #I highly recommend reading the lyrics while you listen to it if you are like me and have trouble hearing lyrics on the first try #the only reason I got into the song was because I happened to hear it come up on Spotify shuffle like five times #and then suddenly started registering what she was saying and how beautiful it was and I started paying attention to the music #what a close call! I'm so glad I did! #like when I hear that song it is fully animated in my head and it's gorgeous. being autistic is awesome actually #like don't get me wrong it affects everyone differently and it is broadly a disability but also I wouldn't exchange it for anything myself

[adventuringblind]

If You Don't Want the Truth, then Don't Ask

Oscar Piastri x Autistic!Reader

Genre: fluff

Request: kinda...? People want more of this content, so who am I to deny them? My requests are open! Please don't hesitate to send me ideas!

Summary: One thing that Oscar loves most about her is that she's always honest. Unfortunately, it seems not everyone has learned that.

Warnings: Media being toxic, the reader gets frustrated at not understanding human behavior

Notes: written in third person

Masterlist

Oscar had fallen in love with her honesty. He never had to guess at her opinions on things or dance around subjects himself.

It was a reprieve from always being coached in media to finally not having to filter himself.

Anyone who had gotten close to her knew one rule she had: if you don't want an honest answer, then don't ask.

She struggles communicating with vocal tones. People often mistake her opinion for being judgemental. It makes her feel unable to speak up for herself. It was never her intention to cause problems. She was just saying her truth.

Emotional communication is even more difficult. She always manages to say the wrong thing. Oscar didn't believe this and felt comforted when she talked him through the truth of the day. But if she was struggling with words and emotions, she opted to communicate via physical touch.

She'd developed a code for human behaviors she didn't quite understand.

When charles was upset about a race, she hugged him. When Oscar was smiling, she kissed his cheek. When Max was being lectured by his father, she stuck her middle finger up at Jos. When Lando couldn't eat his food, she gave him one of her snacks that he also liked.

It became more natural to the grid the more she did these things.

Unfortunately for the fans and the media, they hadn't figured it out. It was ridiculous in everyone's minds how they never learned their lesson.

A picture started circling the internet once of her kissing Lando's cheek after an amazing race. She knew it was a happy moment but was too overwhelmed to deal with words. Oscar knew she did this to anyone she was comfortable with and knew she was loyal. She'd expressed repeatedly why she loved him and not Lando. Oscar only laughed as she went down her very pointed list of reasons why Oscar was better. Earning a pout from the Brit.

The fans started calling her all sorts of nasty names. It hurt her a little, but Oscar even more. He'd expressed multiple times to his fans not to involve her in drama.

Race weekend got a bit awkward. Journalists wanted to ask the two questions. Oscar was quick to deny them attention and left for free practice.

The nerospicy femal, however, was not as lucky. Somone found her hiding in the garage.

"Are you aware of the photo going around social media right now?" The female reporter asked her.

She hesitated for a moment, trying to find her voice. "Yes." The reporter waited a minute for her to elaborate only to receive silence.

She clears her throat. "Do you have any thoughts about it? Are the rumors true?"

She stares again for a moment. "I think you people are bored and want to pick apart someone else's life instead of your own."

It was the reporters turn to stay in silence. "That may be true for some." She fumbles. "But the concern of the fans is that you'll have a negative effect on the McLaren racing drivers."

"I think the fans you speak of are niave then. Not every human being is the same. I'm in love with Oscar, not Lando, as simple as that. Just because my affection looks different doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong." The girl shrugs her shoulders. Simply stating a fact of herself.

The reporter leaves in silence. No other words were shared between them.

Oscar saw the article the next day. They were getting ready to head to the track for FP3 and qualifying. "Have you seen this article?" He asked.

"No, what article?" Oscar flips his phone to her. The reporter from yesterday had written an article about their conversation. Interestingly enough, it was exactly what she had said. The journalist was impressed with her honesty and approach to toxic rumors.

Oscar kissed her cheek. "I'm so proud of you."

~

The next time it happened was during an interview in the fan zone. She'd been standing off to the side with the other McLaren staff who follow them around. She likes listening to the fans ask the boys questions.

Then a fan asked a question about her. "Oscar, why is your girlfriend mean to the reporters?"

Both Oscar and Lando rolled their eyes. "She's here right now if you want an honest answer." Oscar smirked.

It was terrifying when Oscar and Lando were waving her up to the stage. She waited for the approval of the staff and security before exchanging seats with the Australian.

He looked so please she was up there. "The fans want to know why you're so 'mean' to the reporters, as they put it." The two boys were laughing hysterically now.

"I personally don't think it's mean. If they don't want an honest answer, then they shouldn't be asking questions." She shrugged. "Is there a specific time you're referring too?"

"When the vouge journalists asked if you were hiding something because you wear loose clothing."

Lando perked up instantly. "This is one of my favorite moments. We went out and got her favorite dinner after this to celebrate."

"Firtly, the reporter had no business asking that. I don't like it when my clothes feel weird and I was already overwhelmed so I wore what I thought was comfortable." Oscar put his arm around her. A hint of pride edging its way across his features. "Secondly, the didn't put the whole story. The reporter asked if I was pregnant, and then when I said no, he proceeded to ask me if I was wearing anything underneath."

"The comeback is the best part."

"I was confused why he asked me this, so I asked if he had anything underneath the hideous mask he was wearing. Then he called me rude." She frowned, but the fans were enjoying the story.

Oscar glances at Lando. "You should tell the next part."

Lando is still chuckling from the last statement. "I was coming around the corner and heard her say that, then I couldn't stop laughing. So obviously I joined in as well."

The other two were shaking their heads at Lando in exasperation as he continued. "When I came up next to her, she asked why he would ask something like that. It's a pretty common question between us, so I explained why he did it and why he shouldn't do it."

"Then he insulted him some more."

Oscar finishes out the story and also laughs at this point. "Most of the things in the article were what Lando said. The others were what she did say. Including asking if this was his way of flirting and turned him down on his advances."

She always missed social cues, and she'd heard some of the drivers flirt by asking what someone had on underneath their clothing. It was a genuine assumption.

Oscar found it most amusing as Lando recounted the story for the first time that evening. She had looked mildly dazed, frustrated, and confused. Oscar took the time, in between laughing, to explain some of the nuances she didn't understand. Including why they were laughing so hard.

~

Next came a conversation with Zak.

The boys were doing media things, so he'd started to try and make conversation with her.

He was a person who did not understand that she's autistic and communicates different then he was expecting. Normally, Oscar or Lando was here to help things flow, but now she was going to need to swim on her own.

"Have you been enjoying Monaco?" He asked.

She played with her fingers to help her brain stay present. Something she often did to stim when she didn't want it to be noticeable. "It's cozy when it's not race weekend. I think the race has made it crowded."

He looked a little surprised. "Do you not like crowds? I thought you did since you come to most of the races."

"Seeing them is fine. Being trapped in them is difficult."

"That's a little odd of a perspective, don't you think?" He laughed. "I feel like you either enjoy the crowds or you hate them."

She didn't understand what he meant by that. Didn't she just say what she thought? Why was he asking the same question? "Factually, I think you can enjoy seeing a crowd, like on TV, and also become claustrophobic when in one."

He didn't know how to respond. The staring became awkward for him as he tried to respond. She just waited. Assuming he had now understood her point. Then he came up with an excuse as to why he needed to duck out of the conversation.

Zak asked Oscar about it later. To which the Australian internally face-palmed. Then, he proceeded to explain the unspoken role.

Zak apologized the next day if he made her uncomfortable. She just looked between him and Oscar. Hoping for an answer as to how he could've done that.

It took a while, but they finally got their. Now Zak goes to her if he ever wants an honest opinion on something.

~

The most recent time actually hurt her. She spent days inside her and Oscar's room. Struggling to eat, sleep, and communicate.

She was lucky that Oscar was around to help her through this. His frustration almost overwhelming his own mind.

Two weeks ago, they had been in Silverstone. It was an amazing race, and she felt happy that she got to share it with him.

She had been making friends with the other WAG's around the paddock. So when Oscar was pulled away, she went to find someone to hang out with until they finished.

She found Kika and Lily in the Williams hospitality. It was warm in the building, so when she sat down with them, she decided to get comfortable and took off her sweatshirt.

Her shirt that day was not the usual baggy t-shirt and jeans. Today's she was wearing a crop-top that showed her stomach, but she felt cute and confident, and Oscar complimented her on it the entire morning. He said she looked good when she's comfortable and that's what matters to him.

Her body was not the ideal body type that meets the standard beauty criteria. Frankly, she didn't care.

She's healthy. She's comfortable. Oscar has said daily that he loves her as she is.

She wasn't expecting the fans in hospitality to ask her anything about it.

When she got up to get water, a few young women approached her. This had happened before, and she assumed they wanted to ask about Oscar or know of they could get a picture with him.

She assumed wrong.

"How come you're not wearing what you normally do?"

"Because I felt comfortable in this today."

"I think the other style suits you better. Don't you think?"

"I don't have a style. This is just comfortable."

"Is this because Oscar likes it better?"

"No, he likes it when I'm comfortable."

She was trying to keep up. All the questions flying at her rapidly. The music was reverberating off the wall. The hospitality staff were cleaning and packing.

Her head started to spin. Her hands flew up to cover her ears. She was going to cry if she didn't get out.

She was thankful the Kika and Lily noticed and got her out of the area. Blocking anyone from speaking to her and ignoring those who tried to stop them.

They ran into Oscar on the way to somewhere quiet. He immediately placed his hands over hers to try and help block out more sound until he could get her to her headphones.

Kika and Lily explained what happened. The females asking her questions were not understanding why she was giving them the same answer. Their intentions were unknown, but it was obvious she looked uncomfortable and cornered in that moment.

So he led her away into his driver room and told her she could lock the door and he'd come get her when it was time to leave. She obliged, turning off the lights to help her senses.

She curled up in the corner and soothed herself until Oscar came back.

Someone had taken a video of the encounter, and people started asking questions about her. Why does she do the things she does? It didn't make any sense to them. It made her frustrated because they made her out to be an alien on her own planet.

Her body couldn't take it anymore. She stayed in her corner with the lights off and shut out the world.

Except for Oscar. He sat in the dark with her. They ate meals on the floor. He helped her bathe in the dark. She felt so lucky to have found someone who understands and cares as much as he does.

His PR team was trying to do something about the video. It wasn't right for it to be posted, and McLaren was doing what they could, but It wasn't enough.

So Oscar took matters into his own hands. He decided to answer all their questions. With her permission, of course.

She cried when she read it. He was happy that she felt safe enough with him to let herself unmask, but he wanted her to be able to unmask anywhere. They were taking a step in the right direction, and they both ate comfort food that night.

Instagram story message because idk how people do SMAU's: "I want to take a minute to address the video that was posted about my girlfriend recently. My girlfriend is Autistic, meaning that things can become overwhelming easily. You might not understand everything she does, but you don't have to. She is her own person and has her own life. What she answers to questions is her truth. If you don't want an honest answer, don't ask the question.

-Oscar

#x reader #fanficion #f1 fic #formula one #angst #formula 1 #racing #max verstappen #charles leclerc x reader #f1 fanfic #oscar piastri x y/n #oscar #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri x reader #oscar piastri #piastri #lando norris f1 #lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x reader #lando norris #mclaren f1 #mclaren racing #mclaren formula 1 #mclaren #op81 #ln4 #oscar piastri x Autistic reader #autistic #autism

[littlestardude]

⏤͟͟͞͞☆Dating Kyle HCs || Kyle Broflovski x Reader

✰ - SFW & NSFW - ✰

Summary: Kyle Bf HCs!

Note: I'm so in love with Kyle it's unreal, he's so pookie, college kiddos :)) also sorry for being SO slow with reqs :(( I unfortunately lose motivation very quickly, so by the time I start it by then end I'm just.,. Trudging thru 😔 I HAVE SOME KENJORINE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET OUT! BUT ARGHHHH, also some Stan bf headcanons

TW: Smut at the end

Gender: AFAB Gen!Neutral

✰ - SFW - ✰

I feel like sumtimes he'd be unintentionally possessive of you 😔

He can't help it, he feels like you're too perfect for him so he tries to keep you to himself

If you ever bring it up to him he'd feel rlly bad about it, and then tell you that

He's insecure, hold him :((

And when you do, tell him how pretty he is bcs

OMG HE'S SO PRETTY

He's literally the prettiest boy ever I'm gonna fucking sob

His curls are so vibrant, and coily and long, I could get lost playing in his hair forever

We already know he hid it before

But you were talking to your friends and he was somewhere in the vicinity and you were just like,

"HIS HAIR IS SO PRETTY I COULD CRY, AND HE HIDES IT :,(( I just wanna play with it all the time but I don't wanna like... Accidentally make him self-conscious or something :((("

He stopped wearing his hat as much after that.

You noticed it too and you weren't sure if he heard you but you were happy his hair was free

Also his eyes are so pretty

He could be so pissed and ranting and u could just be. Staring into his eyes and he'd be like,

"What are you looking at. "

"Your eyes are so pretty, Ky :)) "

He calmed down pretty quickly after that.

ALSO NICKNAMES.

The first time you used that nickname on him he. He melted. He turned so red like,

"W-what did you just call me"

He looked cute as hell tho :3

You started easing him into the nicknames and he got used to it, he even started using some nicknames for you too!!

He's so cute when he does to, because you can tell he's trying!

Sometimes when his temper gets really bad you just hold him to your chest and lay down and play with his hair, he calls down pretty quickly

And if you're in public you just bring him somewhere private and just hug him, and then you guys can walk around while you hold hands

He's not the biggest fan of PDA but likes holding your hand :))

But when he's in private he's all over you, just hugging and kissing you

He's not the best with words, at least words he says out loud bcs

He does poetry! Actual good poetry!

But he loves just hugging you, he likes you on top of him because the pressure feels nice

He's got autism! And he's got that unintentional autistic rizz, if yknow what I mean

Sometimes he'll just say something, you'll just stare at him and blush like crazy and he's just like,

"What'd I say"

You just stare bcs theres no words left...

Very unintentionally blunt as well

You two enjoy silent company a lot! esp Kyle

Sometimes his friends and family and school just get too overwhelming, so he'll just ask you to come over while he does his homework and sometimes you'll do yours and you guys just get to be close 🥰

There's been some times when... Yknow what I'll save it for the NSFW part :3

He's definitely a cat person and you guys would look forward to getting a cat together! Maybe 2 :)))

He really is a well intentioned person, he's just so sweet :((

I feel like this poor boy got SO nervous to meet your parents

Like, y'all went to a restaurant together and he dressed all fancy and was just. So awkward

He worries so much about what to say that he ends up speaking like a robot, and then would randomly follow it with awkward laughter 💀

He was so embarrassed 😭 but you cuddled him and told him it was fine

And you later got a text from your parents saying he was a good guy! Bcs he is!

He's so cat boy too like... When he just needs to recharge he just hobbles over to you and just. Flops.

Doesnt matter what you're doing, because now you're cuddling Kyle.

It's cute tho, because he's definitely learned how to recognize when he needs a break from college work

Bonus points if you play with his hair and kiss him all over 🥰

You guys used to, keyword, used to. Play games together, he would try so hard not to get competitive about it ,but let's just say you both said some things about each other's mothers, and it's just been awhile since you've played.

He likes sharing his music with you! And let's just say you were surprised to find out he was a The Cure fan, you just wouldn't expect it from his dorky self!

But they're one of the few artists he can freely stim to

You guys will listen to loud music together just to scream the lyrics bcs, MAN sometimes u just wanna scream, yknow?

He only likes to sing stuff he can scream, if it's something that requires vocal control he's outta there

But you heard him sing normally one time and he was so cute ☹️❤❤ he was cleaning around his dorm and had his headphones on and you arrive without him noticing and you just heard him singing his lil tune in his soft voice... Dead on the spot, there were no survivors.

Eventually learns that when partners complain about things he just has to listen, he's too logical and learnt the hard way that you just want to vent rather than actually solve the problem

✰ - NSFW - ✰

So, "studying"?

The "both" of you were focusing on homework, just Kyle really. He was at his desk and he seemed to be focusing, he looked so intense. You found yourself staring at him for awhile, you just couldn't help it. You check the time on your phone.

"He has time." , you thought to yourself.

You closed the book you had stopped paying attention to 20 minutes ago and faced his turned back. You carefully tiptoed over and gave his back a tap, he turned around, still looking at his book and papers.

"Yeah, what's up? ", he said, not really paying attention.

You carefully grabbed his chin and turned his face toward you, giving him a soft kiss on the lips.

"Kyleeee, I'm bored, can't we do something else? " you whined.

"I'm sorry, y/n but I really have to finish these assignments..."

You pulled out your phone and showed him the time and date.

"But Kyleee, you still have a few days before you need to finish them, I know you like to finish them before they're due but can't you take a little break? For some fun at least? ", you speaking the last words in a suggestive tone made him turn red, he seemed to be contemplating it but he had already made up his mind.

"Alright then, come here, " he sat you down on his lap and began kissing you. The both of your lips meshing together, slowly becoming more filled with passion.

"Do you wanna stay here or move to your bed? "

"Anything beats sitting in this chair... ", he picked you up and set you on the bed, not before stretching his back and cracking it, " that felt so good... I hate that fucking chair, man, "

He laid back down on the bed and continued kissing you, you slowly positioned yourself on top of him. He was so distracted, he didn't even notice.

You were about to take off your shirt, but we're stopped.

"What's wrong, Ky? "

"C-Can you keep the shirt on? I like seeing you in my clothes... "

The shirt in question was an oversized shirt he let you borrow after sleeping over the night prior.

You kissed him and smiled softly, "Okay, Kyle... I'll keep it on, but if I can't take off anything else I'll go crazy... " you laughed a bit and he laughed with you.

"Don't worry, I won't stop you anymore... "

"Good, " even before you finished speaking you shifted both of your legs to the side of him to easily take off the boxers he'd also lent you. You moved back and began kissing him again, this time with more heat than before.

As the two of your lips clashed together you began to gently palm at his hardening member, and as you did he let out a shakey breath.

You positioned yourself right above and began grinding into him, the two of you softly moaning into each other's kisses. He slowly traced his hand over your thigh and gave it a squeeze, a squeeze that would get increasingly tighter the more you played with him.

You could tell he was getting antsy with the way he squeezed your thigh so you figured it was finally time to set him free. You moved you hand to the waistband of his sweats and pulled them down, his hard cock springing free. The cold air down there made him grimace, but was soon changed as you slowly parted yourself on it.

You both fell out of the kiss as you two moaned as you slid down, your already dripping pussy making it easy to. It took a few moments until you were down at his base; his size was always something you had to adjust to.

Just as you were about to start moving his eagerness got the better of him and grabbed now the both of your thighs and moved you up and down. You moaned loudly at the sudden friction and bounced along with his help.

The two of you were moaning messes, which only increased the faster you moved. You once again found his lips in a hungry kiss, the room becoming much quieter when you did as you muffled each other's moans.

"Y-Y/N, I'm.. Ngh... Close, " he moaned out, you were barely able to form words and just breathlessly told him you were too.

The speed increased and you were seeing stars, which you saw more of as he placed his thumb on your clit and started to rub it.

The two of you quickly finished after that.

Kyle's confidence during sex has improved MASSIVELY

The first time y'all did it, he had NO clue what to do

He was so scared about where to put his hands, or if he grabbed you in the wrong place, especially if he grabbed too tightly

It also took you guys awhile to eventually lead up to it, the second Kyle felt it getting too heated he'd gently pull you off

You actually started to worry that he didn't like you anymore the more he did it

You asked him why he always did it and he, as red as his hair, told you he was a virgin and was too scared, and that he wouldn't know what to do

You softened on him and told him that you didn't care he was a virgin and that you would lead him the whole way

You two did it soon after. :p

Once he eventually gets the hang of everything he's good. So fucking good.

Definitely a switch but leans more towards sub

You find his hands so fucking attractive because they're so perfect,,, and pale,, and long

You love him fingering you because he reaches SO far and you're just on the highway to heaven 😍

Also as shown before, he's VERY vocal and he's so cute when he moans and whimpers...

It's something he DEF tried to hide but you were not letting him get away with it

Has a bit of a mommy kink tbh

Sometime dabbles into a bit of a breeding kink... 😗

Kyle 🤝 Kenny

Having beautiful, milky thighs

The first time you sucked him off you were just mesmerized with his thighs... Can u tell I like men's thighs 😔

Pull his hair please!

You've probably pegged him once or twice ngl... :3

#kyle broflovski x reader #kyle x reader #kyle broflovski x reader smut #kyle x reader smut #south park fanfiction #sp kyle #south park hcs #south park smut #south park #✰Star's headcanons

[wickedcinnamonroll]

Okay fuck it I'm making my own post even tho I'm not in the like, Watcher circle or whatever I just have something to say that I'm not seeing a lot of people saying yet

I don't think we can be too mad at people on here "spreading misinformation" regarding the idea that Watcher WAS going to delete old videos since in the Goodbye YouTube video, they said

"The beta will be a transitional period where you'll still be able to access content on YouTube, but beginning May 31st, you'll need to become a member of our streaming service to access full seasons and new releases."

Like idk maybe I'm just too autistic or it was phrased incorrectly and horribly, but me and a LOT of people clearly interpreted this as meaning "You'll still be able to watch our videos on YouTube, but beginning May 31st, you'll need to become a member to watch both new AND old content." I think it's the inclusion of the phrase "full seasons" to the statement. If they only said "beginning May 31st blah blah blah to access new releases" and THAT'S IT, then sure okay that clearly means that new content is exclusive to the streaming service. But "full seasons" makes it seem like- that would include both new AND old seasons.

And if you try to be like "well that's on YOU for misunderstanding them", idk man I'm not a content creator but if I was making this big huge announcement, I would've made it CRYSTAL FUCKING CLEAR that don't worry, we're not deleting old videos!! We're just making a platform where we're gonna be posting new stuff and also the classic stuff will be there too. Like I would use very obvious wording and phrasing to say this.

Also in the Variety article that everyone is linking to prove that "see see! they're not deleting old videos omg y'all are so stupid for believing and spreading this misinformation and these lies" THE LINE DIRECTLY BEFORE IT SAYS THAT RYAN SAID THEY'D KEEP VIDEOS UP SAYS

"The company originally told Variety that Watcher would eventually remove all of its videos from YouTube, where it currently has 2.9 million subscribers."

LIKE?????? THEY ORIGINALLY SAID "Yeah we're eventually gonna delete all the old stuff" but they either realized what an insane idea that would be and/or they saw all the backlash and backpedaled like crazy.

Like listen- I am happy that they aren't deleting old videos, but I'm kinda annoyed that so many people are using the fact that not everyone read this Variety article and are y'know........believing what they originally said in their video as a way to like....idk undermine or dismiss any criticism and/or grief people have about this news.

This doesn't change the fact that a lot of fans (and from the looks of it, mostly international fans) will not be able to watch new content they enjoy. It's important for creators to be paid obviously, but I cannot blame people from being upset.

#watcher #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim #ghost files

[blondwhowrites]

A/N: This is for all my autistic homies. I fucking love you guys 😘. Btw this is based on how autism shows itself in girls/women. Remember for all my autistic girlies, never ever feel sorry for being yourself ❤️

"Mattheo, I'm autistic." 

Mattheo looked at you, mouth agape. He raised an eyebrow, looking at you quizzically, obviously confused. "What's that?" he questioned, his head tilting slightly to the side. 

You stared at him, unblinking. "You don't know what autism is?" You asked, slowly processing his lack of information. Was wizard society really that far behind? Damn. You sighed, chewing on your lower lip. How was one supposed to explain autism to someone who has probably no idea what disabilities even are? 

"Well, Matty, to sum it up, I don't work like other people do," you tried to explain while sitting down next to him. "My mind works differently than yours and other people's." 

He watched you curiously, taking in your words and trying to make sense of them in his mind. "Is that supposed to scare me away because, darling, it isn't working? You're not getting rid of me." 

You laughed, shaking your head. "I mean, it might scare some people away, but no, that's not why I'm telling you this," you replied, your heart swelling with happiness at seeing his positive reaction. "I'm telling you this because I want you to know that being in a relationship with me will be different from other relationships you have been in before." 

Mattheo nodded, his foot repeatedly tapping the ground. "Well, I'm willing to learn. So lay it all on me, baby," he chuckled, his lips curling up in a smile as he looked at you. He watched as you wrung your hands together, and he reached out, grabbing one of your hands and squeezing it. "Darling, I'm being serious when I say I want to learn." 

Your shoulders went slack, and you let out a deep sigh. The nerves you felt slowly washed away with the assurance of his words. "Well," you began.

"I have a hard time with social cues and reading people. If someone is mad at me or annoyed, I won't be able to tell unless they specifically tell me that. While some people might be able to take hints, I can't really recognize them. I need you to be straightforward with me about your feelings." Your eyes darted to his, making sure he was listening before you continued.

"I can't handle loud and crowded places that well. They make me overwhelmed and overstimulated, and that can lead me to have a meltdown. Which is when my mind practically shuts down, or at least it feels like it, and I kind of regress during those. I can't speak or do anything, and I tend to hurt myself during those, like hitting myself. I also sometimes hurt others when they try to help me through my meltdowns. I don't mean to; I just can't really control what I do in those moments. Sometimes even the slightest of things can cause me to melt down or panic. If a change of plans happens, I can sometimes have extreme reactions to it that can derail my entire day. I'm not very good with change. I stim a lot, and sometimes it can look weird. Like, whenever I'm excited, you know how I jump up and down and flail my hands? That's me stimming. Repetitive motions, stuff like that. I also have a weird relationship with touch and intimacy. It depends on the person; for example, I feel comfortable touching you, but with Blaise, I don't. It changes a lot."

Mattheo listened intently to your words, nodding along and trying to make a mental checklist. All of this was important to you, and that meant it was important to him too. He didn't care how long this conversation would take, he was willing to hear everything you had about this.

"I go non-verbal sometimes, and I can't speak or talk for hours up to days. I literally can't talk, even if I want to. That usually happens after meltdowns or when I'm feeling really intense emotions. I have sensory issues and can't wear some clothes because of how they feel on my body. My relationship with food is basically non-existent. I can't eat some things because of how it feels, and sometimes I go selective eating, and it's really hard to eat anything else besides my safe foods. I also just sometimes forget to eat because I don't really process that I feel hungry unless I'm starving. I mask my autism a lot, hence why people sometimes think I'm lying when I tell them I'm autistic. I tend to copy other people unconsciously. That's why you see me and Pansy having a lot of the same little habits. "

You finished, your voice faltering as you looked at him nervously, trying to gauge his reaction. "There's a lot of other things, but that's like a pretty surface-level breakdown of it." You added, looking away from him and at the ground. "Oh, and also, if you see me not looking at you during conversations, it's not because I'm not listening; it's because I'm just not good with eye contact."

It was a lot of new information for Mattheo. He'd never considered the fact that people could, how did you say it, work differently? He'd have to ask you more about it during a later conversation. "I can work with that," he shrugged. 

Your lips curled up into a smile, and your eyes slowly lit up. "Really?" you asked, genuinely worried that he was just playing with you. 

"Well, I mean, obviously, I have a lot to learn still, and I'm probably going to make a lot of mistakes."

"Everyone makes mistakes," you interrupted him. 

He shushed you, playfully pressing his finger to your lips to stop you from talking. "What I'm trying to say is that your being autistic changes nothing to me. It's who you are, and I love who you are. I promise you, I'm going to try my hardest." 

You felt tears prick your eyes, and you nodded. "You have no idea how much that means to me, Matty," you sniffled, and you squeezed his hand. 

"Like I said before, darling, you're not ever getting rid of me."

#harry potter #slytherin boys #reader insert #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo x you #mattheo riddle x reader #autism #autism hc #autism awareness #mattheo riddle blurb 🐍

[pikatrainer99]

Kieran is autistic and you can't change my mind!

Okay, I KNOW that I'm not the only one who holds this headcanon...but I wanted to do an analysis on Kieran anyway, especially since my best friend @sinnohanvulpix said she'd love to see me do one. Credit to her for all the screenshots used btw. The GIFs on the other hand were either found on Google Images or created by me using gifrun.com and these YouTube videos:

I did not use my own footage for this at all...as proof here's what MY character in the game looks like...he has my real name but I tried to make him look like Orange which is why he has the orange eyes 😅

(Sorry for the bad quality btw...taking pictures of my Switch screen is hard 😅)

Okay, now without further ado, let's get started with the analysis!

First, Kieran has a CLEAR special interest in Ogerpon, he admires and looks up to her, he was obsessed with the story of the ogre, he was always trying to go to her den and meet her, he has a meltdown when Ogerpon chooses the player over him, etc. Carmine even says that Kieran "really really REALLY likes the ogre" and that made me think, "Ah! Special interest!"

And then at the end of the Teal Mask he gains a new special interest in getting stronger to beat the player...and he hyperfocuses HARD on that...to the point of it being detrimental to both his physical and mental health, as he was doing nothing but training during that time...he barely ate, barely slept, just trained...and that is not healthy. It's a rare example of media showcasing a special interest being unhealthy and absolutely CONSUMING one's life, and the consequences do actually show for it.

Kieran is very introverted and doesn't know how to make friends very well. I actually think the player is his first friend considering his surprised reaction when the player says they consider him a friend, and following this, he quickly becomes a bit...too attached to the player, as he doesn't quite understand how friendships work.

(This is also such a neurodivergent way to say "I'm so happy I finally have a friend")

He also struggles socially, as is a requirement for autistic people to qualify for a diagnosis. Kieran specifically has a hard time reading social cues, he struggles with making eye contact, he has clear anxiety when talking to people as proven by his little stutter he has at times.

(This is an adorable screenshot 🥺)

He also struggles with social and emotional processing (and might have alexithymia as well due to his sudden huge outbursts of emotion), and he also struggles with initiating conversation as well, as seen when he tries to talk to Penny at the League Club. They both have no idea how to even start a conversation with each other and it's honestly pretty adorable seeing the two quiet adorkable kids trying their best to hold conversation. I get it, you two, initiating conversation is really difficult for me too.

Also the way they try to start the conversation by talking about the weather...that's really funny and ironic to me because that's what NTs do all the time. NTs always use the weather as a small-talk conversation starter but NDs like me (and Kieran and Penny too apparently) just don't get that stuff.

(These two are so neurodivergent it's great and I love them both 🥺)

Kieran also has four in-game animations that I personally see as stimming. The first one is him tapping his fist against his hip when he's thinking or nervous.

(Focus your attention to his hand here and you'll see it.)

The second one is him playing with a strand of loose hair, usually when he's nervous.

(The little nervous side glance at the player is relatable and adorable 🥺)

The third one is a more agitated stim that he only does ONCE in the entire game...and that is tapping the front of his foot on the ground. I do that myself when I'm agitated or impatient, somehow it's comforting, especially since for some reason I really like the way my shoes sound when I tap them on the ground... especially since I got my brand new Infernape-themed shoes, they sound extra satisfying because they're brand new.

(This is not the way most people tap their foot...I've never seen an NT do it like this...only other NDs such as myself and one of my brothers)

The fourth and final one is, unfortunately, a stress stim...Kieran runs his hands very fast through his hair and it also looks like, to me anyway as someone who has self-injurious stims myself, that he is digging his nails into his scalp as well while doing that. I do something similar myself, though on top of running my hands through my hair and digging my nails into my scalp, I also pull at my hair...yeah... self-injurious stims are no joke...and I'm kinda glad Kieran's autism coding brings attention to that aspect of autism...at least in my eyes as someone who does those things myself.

(He's in so much stress here, poor kid 😔)

Another aspect of autism that I'm surprised and kinda glad that Kieran exhibits as an autistic-coded character is meltdowns and shutdowns. Kieran has actual meltdowns in the game! This is something we have never seen in such an in-your-face way in any Pokémon game, and as someone who regularly has meltdowns myself, it hit me in the feels whenever I saw him having them. His first meltdown is in the Teal Mask when he steals the Teal Mask and runs off to Loyalty Plaza where he battles the player. He yells at Carmine and the player for treating him like an outcast...which is unfortunately something that happens to a lot of autistic people, myself included. Kieran screams at the player and Carmine for for lying to him while doing his stress stim, before running up to the Lousy Three's shrine and punching it, without any regard for his safety, which is also something autistic people may do during meltdowns...I know I have no regard for my safety during mine. After that's all over he gives the mask back to the player and goes home, leaving the player to talk to Carmine alone, who says that she's worried and thinks it's just "teen angst". When I saw that I was like, "...Uh, Carmine...I don't think it's just that, I think your brother is neurodivergent and really needs a lot of help and support because he's struggling a lot right now..."

His second meltdown is also in the Teal Mask, when he wants Ogerpon to go with him but Ogerpon wants to go with the player...Kieran can't process that and doesn't understand how to take Ogerpon's feelings into account, instead demanding the player to battle him for the right to be Ogerpon's partner. He collapses on all fours after being defeated again, and it gets worse...he looks like he's crying while the player battles Ogerpon in order to catch her. After the player catches her, Kieran wonders why he can't be like the player, and runs off crying, locking himself in his room for the rest of the story. The end of the Teal Mask has him doing his stress stim while being consumed by a new special interest in a very detrimental way...that interest being becoming so strong that no one can defeat him...including the player.

Kieran's third meltdown is in the Indigo Disk, after the player defeats him in the championship match. That meltdown is a full-on cutscene, where it is CLEAR to see his spiraling mental state through the visuals, and he holds his hands on his head like he has a headache while trying to process the fact that he lost to the player AGAIN (which is also relatable as someone who struggles with processing difficulties myself...it really does give headaches and it is one of the worst feelings when I just can't process what's going on around me or the emotions I feel or anything really)...he collapses to his knees and looks like he's breathing very hard as he is so upset and distressed at this loss. It is definitely one of the most heartbreaking scenes for me because this is a CLEAR CUT MELTDOWN in my eyes and it hits me in the feels like a TRUCK to watch that cutscene.

Also, in the Terapagos fight, Kieran has a bit of a shutdown for a bit, standing there frozen, thinking he's useless and can't do anything right (which is relatable as I have regular shutdowns as well, and I also constantly feel like I'm a failure of a human being who can't do anything right)...but let me tell you, when the player finally gets him to snap out of it and convinces him to help and he opens his eyes revealing that the light is back in his eyes as well as visible tears...I cheered (and teared up myself). My boy was back, and I was so happy.

(When I first saw the tears I was like, "NOOOO don't cry Kieran! 😢)

Also in the Indigo Disk, Kieran seems completely different and "no longer like his usual self". His autistic traits are (mostly) nowhere to be seen as he becomes much more serious, angry, assertive,and aggressive. I personally see this as a persona he puts on by masking, which is common for autistic people to do. I myself can't mask, but Kieran definitely seems to be masking here by putting on this persona in order to get stronger and seem stronger as a person as well. This is NOT his real self, this is a FACADE!

We see him start to drop the mask again in Area Zero when he says it seems like they're in a spy movie or something and how cool that is, but once the crack in his mask is pointed out he immediately puts it back on.

After everything in the under depths ends, and you go back to Blueberry Academy, he drops the mask again completely, and goes back to his real, adorkable, relatable self...and stays that way from then on, which made me so relieved and happy.

(This is my favorite cutscene in the entire DLC because of how adorable it is and also how neurodivergent Kieran is being here while apologizing for all he did 🥺)

In conclusion, I think Kieran is a great example of an autistic-coded character who has many relatable traits, and also does a good job showcasing some of the more "unpleasant and challenging behaviors and traits" (NTs use that terminology a lot, not me... that's how NTs unfortunately view NDs a lot of the time) of autism. I used to be afraid of him during the post-Teal Mask pre-Indigo Disk era but that was my trauma and PTSD talking (I talked about the emotional rollercoaster Kieran's story arc took me on in another post from last year after I finally worked up the courage to play the Indigo Disk...feel free to check that out too if you'd like). Now though I can wholeheartedly say that I love and appreciate Kieran a lot as a character, and his relatability is definitely a big part of why he is a big comfort character for me now (please Pokémon put him in Pokémon Masters EX, PLEASE I will literally cry from joy if he gets added to the game)!

Hope you all enjoyed this autistic person's analysis of yet ANOTHER autistic-coded character in Pokémon! I know I had A LOT to say but that just proves how relatable Kieran is, and I love him for that. Let me know what you think and if I missed anything in the comments below!

#pokemon #pokemon scarlet and violet #pokemon sv dlc #pokemon kieran #the teal mask #the indigo disk #mochi mayhem #post mochi mayhem #kieran is adorable and relatable #he's autistic your honor #and nothing can tell me otherwise #i know i'm not the only one with this headcanon #but i wanted to analyze kieran anyway #because i can #actually autistic #autism headcanons #pika's headcanon #long post #pika talks #Youtube