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that-bwitch · 2 months

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(five) stages of grief (love)

stage one: denial

so, this is going to be a series with five parts, obviously. heavily inspired by the band voilà and some of their songs. each song has an assigned part and will be revealed at the beginning. you don't have to, but I'd strongly recommend checking them out, as they're not only good songs, but will also elevate your reading experience.

also, since it's a series, I will be doing a taglist, so if you'd like to be added, let me know <3

falling asleep at the wheel by voilà sirius black x reader warning: toxic relationship, gaslighting, emotional abuse, swearing, drinking, mentions of underage drinking. read at your own risk. wc: 3.2k

The two of you were just a couple of young kids suddenly thrust into adulthood.

During the last few months at Hogwarts the thoughts about the future couldn’t escape your mind. It felt strange in a sense, because you remembered planning out your life after school down to the smallest details. You had your mind set on becoming a healer for a long, long while. You studied pretty much every single day, dusk till dawn, dawn till dusk – you had to ace the N.E.W.Ts or else your childhood dream would be crushed by the ruthless claws of the education system. Sirius never got that. He sounded rather nonchalant every time you tried to have a talk about the future, even when it came to the future of you as a couple. He didn’t have any plans, at least as far as you were aware. He brushed off your worries like they were specks of dust on one of his immaculate white shirts (two buttons at the top always undone, three – on special occasions). At some point, you had to give up trying to hammer at least some sense of responsibility into his head (not literally, but sometimes you really wanted to). But you stupidly didn’t, so you had to deal with an actual toddler of a boyfriend on top of your daily stress of the ever-accumulating homework and extra credit tasks you never failed to take.

Sirius was annoyed by your never-ending passion to study as much and as often as you could. He always joked about the fact that he had never spent this much time in the library as he started to when you got together. That much was true: in order to catch mere minutes with you he had to visit the quietest place in Hogwarts rather often – way more often than he would prefer. He wasn’t really joking when he said it though, and you started to catch irritated glances from him from time to time as your relationship progressed. At first, he used to compliment your longing for knowledge, he used to say you looked cute cuddled up with a book on a couch in the common room; as time went by, the number and the poetic value of his compliments had majorly decreased.

Sirius couldn’t help thinking that he didn’t sign up for this, but he didn’t have enough nerve to voice these thoughts. Still, you started having more and more fights. In your mind, you shouldn’t have had any during the so-called “honeymoon phase” of your relationship, but you chucked it all up to simple teenage drama. You thought it was brilliantly self-aware of you, but obviously it didn’t seem like it to Sirius. He hated the fact that he had to scramble for crumbs of your attention and lost the battle against your textbooks more than half the time. He wasn’t used to being sidelined, more so when his opponent was an ancient Herbology volume that looked like it was about to disintegrate in your hands as soon as you breathed on it.

You still had love for each other. It wasn’t puppy love, oh no – your eyes would shoot daggers at anyone who even dared to suggest it. Sirius was also of an incredibly high opinion of that thing between the two of you, calling you “star-crossed lovers” and “the modern version of Romeo and Juliet”. He started using the latter as soon as you made him acquainted with this terribly upsetting love story written by a muggle literary genius, and wouldn’t let it go even after learning that these kids did, in fact, die. He always assured you that you wouldn’t end up like them, that even death couldn’t do you part, and you just knew he was right. You just knew.

“So, what’s next?”

You were standing on the platform, waiting for Hogwarts Express to pick you up and take you away into the likely gray and rainy but still welcoming embrace of London. Your eyes were still glistening in the sun from all the tears you shed during the graduation ceremony. You kept sobbing as you left the school grounds on the same boats that took you there when you were just a small child with a dream. To be honest, you still felt like a child with a dream; suddenly, you weren’t fully ready to take the next step that could take your life in various directions even you, a goody-two-shoes with spreadsheets tracking her exam scores, didn’t have the ability to predict.

“I don’t know, baby. We’ll figure it out.”

Sirius was as laconic as he usually was when it came to these kinds of talks. His hands were wrapped around your waist, bringing you some sense of comfort in front of this huge uncharted wasteland that was the future. You looked up at him, exploring every single feature of his carefree face, completely unbothered by any mighty thinking. You wanted to remember him like that.

“Oh, the lovebirds are at it again, look at them!” James yelled, running up to you hand in hand with Lily. You let out a little laugh, because he seemed to be blissfully unaware of him being a member of the “lovebirds club” as well.

“You ready?” he asked, hugging Lily from behind as they stopped next to you.

“Born ready.”

It was such a Sirius line. You remembered getting annoyed at how he inevitably used it every time you questioned his lack of concern about tomorrow. He was born ready to face anything – McGonagall’s justified wrath when he failed (or, more precisely, didn’t even start) to complete the simplest Transfiguration homework known to man; raging Slytherins after a particularly nasty Quidditch loss; a hangover after getting wasted on very illegal firewhiskey that the guys managed to get at the Hog’s Head and sneak into school. You weren’t born ready, so you felt his words were rather offensive towards your anxious state.

“Where’s Moony? He’s always wandering somewhere; I’m shocked he hadn’t missed a train once!”

Just as Sirius’ words escaped his mouth, someone’s hand landed on his shoulder. Remus was all smiles, running his other hand through his hair to move some stray strands from his face.

“Here, Pads, don’t you worry. Wonder where this little rat is, though. Peter!!!” Remus screamed at the top of his lungs to cover as much ground as possible.

“Coming!” Peter approached your group, slightly out of breath.

You felt like you were in a dream – you know, one of those you wake up from and have to take an extra minute to yourself to come back to Earth; you can’t believe it didn’t happen in real life. That moment at the platform awoke the same exact emotions in you. You had all your friends around you, you should have been over the moon and looking forward to what life had to offer – and somewhere deep inside your mind and soul you were. But you felt your stomach turn all the same, looking back at the glorious castle that towered over the crowd of new graduates even in the distance. For the first time in years, you knew for sure that you wouldn’t be returning there on the 1st of September. But it would be the last time you would cram yourself into the carriage with your closest ones, the last time you would laugh your asses off for the whole Express to hear, the last time you would say your goodbyes on the Platform 9 ¾ and not know when would be the next time you see each other.

“Hey, baby?” Sirius gently nudged your shoulder, drawing your wandering attention. “You seem lost.”

“Can’t believe we’re leaving, is all.”

Your voice was hoarse and quiet, like it didn’t belong to you at all. Sirius pressed his lips against your temple, leaving a trace of lingering warmth. At the moment, he made sure you knew that you were his world and he was yours. The voices of your friends around you were muffled by the soft and fresh cotton blanket of his love.

“We’ll be fine, baby. I promise, we’ll be fine.”

And you wanted to believe him.

The couch in your tiny rented flat was all beaten up and shabby, but as long as it was Sirius whose breath your felt on your skin while you lay on it, it didn’t matter. The whole flat had most definitely seen better days, but it was your home, your first home together, so it already had sentimental value assigned to it. Were you too young at this tender age to live together? Too young to shoulder the responsibilities that the very unforgiving Big World had yet to put on your shoulders? Your parents would enthusiastically agree, but you and Sirius would just roll your eyes in sync and you would add that you weren’t their little baby girl anymore. Then you would soften, because you loved your parents a lot, even when they were insufferable! – and assure them that they could calm down, that you had everything figured out, that you would send them owls at least every three days and visit at least once every two weeks. Your mom would laugh and say that promises were nice, but if you were to succeed in becoming a Healer like you wanted, you would never have time for all that. And you would leave, realizing with stifling regret that she was right.

“Baby, I’m sorry, I have to go,” you whispered into Sirius’ ear. He seemed to have fallen asleep, but as soon as you moved your body to lift yourself up from the couch, his eyes snapped open and he strengthened the hold he had on you. You sighed and pushed yourself against his chest, trying to unglue his tightly locked arms.

“No, Sirius, really, let me go.”

“Why would I?” he wondered, determined, of course, not to let you leave him on the couch all alone. “You’re warm, you’re soft, tonight I slept for two hours… See?”

You closed your eyes for a brief moment, clearing your head without any pressure that Sirius liked inflicting on you with his puppy eyes. Lately you had to deal with them and his pleading far too often. It had only been two weeks since you moved in together, but tension hadn’t left the air since day one, when you couldn’t agree on the chore chart you suggested – as in, Sirius didn’t want to have one at all. He thought it was perfectly fine to leave dirty dishes in the sink, to leave dust to accumulate in layers on every surface imaginable – he was a wizard, after all! He could do it whenever, so why would he spend his precious time that you can’t get back on some measly chores? His attitude drove you insane, but each time you had a fight about it, you had to let it go until another little thing would make you lose your temper. He just. Wasn’t. Cooperating. In anything.

“Sirius, love, my apprenticeship. Why do you always forget?”

“Oh yeah. Sure. Your apprenticeship.”

Sirius loosened his grip and you were able to slip away to finally start getting dressed. His bitter verbal quotation marks were a given whenever he mentioned your new job. As soon as you heard the tone of his voice, you slapped your palms against your face so hard that you could hear the sound faintly ringing in the air, and let out a whistling breath into the gaps between your fingers.

“Again?”

“What? I just said “sure”, is that not allowed anymore?”

Sirius was getting angry. You could tell by way his chest heaved harder than usual and his hands, albeit still resting on his stomach, were clenched together, knuckles so white they could blind the sun itself.

“You know what you said, Sirius. I’m not stupid.”

You didn’t have time to deal with all this nonsense, you would hate to be late to St Mungo’s again. Besides, throughout the whole fortnight you had been living together so far, you started to grow increasingly more anxious and irater whenever you had to mention your newfound venture even in a brief recollection of you day. Sirius would never leave it be, he would always, always do something or say something that hurt you. He didn’t do it maliciously, he told you anytime you took notice of that, he was just reacting, you knew how he felt about you always being away, and blah-blah-blah, and so on… You believed him, you tried really hard to believe him and spent hours on hours on hours persuading yourself that he didn’t mean it, that he loved you and was happy for you.

“Whatever. You can leave. It’s not like I’m locking the door.”

He knew you hated it. He knew how much you despised getting out of the house with a fight between the two of you still looming like the sword of Damocles above your head during the day. He also knew that you would likely forget about the whole deal by the end of it, or at least would try smoothing things over. You hated fighting. But this time he was mistaken – rage you had accrued by that point was burning you up from the inside and you were tired of the endless piles of shit he kept throwing your way.

“You know what, Sirius? You’re a real fucking asshole!”

That was a pretty pathetic insult, you thought, but turned out, it was just enough to get Sirius all riled up. He jumped up from the couch and in seconds he was standing right in front of you, spitting words straight into your face.

“A real fucking asshole?! Come on, baby, who taught you to swear? A fucking child?”

“Yes, it was you, so yes, a fucking child!”

Sirius stepped back, raising his eyebrows sarcastically and bursting out laughing. He was hysterical, by the sounds of it.

“I’m a child? I am a child?! And who are you then, my poor, poor soul? Because throwing me crumbs when your fucking hospital gets the whole three-course meal is real mature!”

And there he was again, shitting all over you like it was small talk.

“Could you ever respect my job?! Is this too much that I’m asking?!”

Your arms hurt from waving them around so much. You wished you could stay calm, as always, you wished you had just left, then came back at the end of the day and everything was alright. But deep down you knew this whole delusional bubble would burst at some point. Sooner was better than later.

“Come on, what job? What job?! 2 galleons a day is a-fucking-lot, isn’t it, love?”

A wave of pure shock nearly knocked you down. Your nose started tingling, signaling the imminent arrival of those pesky motherfuckers called tears. Sirius never talked about money to you, on the contrary, it was always your initiative to go over your budget for the week. He never agreed, because he felt it was too burdensome, and now he was throwing it straight back into your desperate face.

“At least I don’t sit on my ass all day! Your part-time at Fortescue’s is so much better, right?! Why don’t you try the Hog’s Head next?”

You knew you struck a nerve. You couldn’t even deny doing it deliberately, just to show him that it hurt. Sirius never explained his choice of career to you, but he seemed happy enough, so you never let it bother you. But his unwillingness to actually properly discuss it made you think he wasn’t that satisfied. You saw it on his face right after you blurted out your little speech.

“Oh yeah, I do sit on my ass all day, and you know what? Even I earn more than you!”

Sirius wasn’t that easy to break, you knew it, but you hoped that you could maybe just this one time… And you also knew that you brought this storm upon yourself, because when Sirius was angry, he could say anything, literally anything without a care in the world, something he would probably regret later. You could never guess if he actually did, but your heart was desperate to believe so. It didn’t happen often, but whenever it did, it stung like a thousand wasps landed on you at the same time and plunged their stingers deep inside your skin at the same exact spot.

“So, it is about the money?”

You weren’t shouting anymore. Any leftover strength fled your body, so you had to sit back down on the couch, staring at Sirius as he was going blurry in front of you, as if he was already drowning in the upcoming stream of your tears.

“No? If that’s what you’re getting… well, good fucking luck.”

Sirius threw his hands up, as if he was giving up. He leaned on the wall and crossed his arms on his still heavily heaving chest, looking somewhere through the leaking ceiling.

“What is it then?” you asked, almost in a whisper, because you truly did not have it in you to even raise your voice, let alone have a screaming match.

“Really? I fucking love you, that’s what!”

Sirius did have it in him. He tried really hard to ignore your fallen spirit; he felt the need to dump the entirety of his emotional outburst on you, because when else would he do it? Things were already perfectly awful, so nothing had the capacity to make the situation worse.

You wished you had some magical noise-cancelling earmuffs that would drown out his voice. After everything he said (and had been saying before) he had the audacity to tell you that he loved you? Indeed, he did. It was no surprise, unfortunately. All your fights ended up like that – he told you that he loved you, that he was just afraid of losing you, that you were his everything; he begged you to say that you loved him too. He needed to hear it, he cried. And you would always crumble right there with him. You forgave him every. Single. Time. And then he went back to his usual careless self.

“I want to be with you in every possible way, do you understand that? Emotionally, spiritually, or whatever the fuck you call it, and physically.” Sirius took your silence as a go-ahead for him to continue, his voice still raised. “And right now, I can’t have that. And I don’t like it at all, I hate it with a burning passion. Why can’t you see it?” he finished much softer.

You finally let a violent shower of tears leave your eyes. You couldn’t stand crying in front of Sirius – it was a sign he won. But he never let it show. He could finally play the part he knew and loved the most: a wonderful apologetic boyfriend who pulled you into his arms, cradled you like a baby and gave your head thousands of little kisses while you wept into his shoulder. He apologized over and over and you felt guilty for making him do it. Ultimately, he was right. Maybe you were selfish, maybe you didn’t have your priorities straight, maybe you wronged him each and every time you took an extra shift at St Mungo’s to prove yourself as a reliable Trainee Healer. Maybe he did love you more than life itself. Maybe he was your fate, your forever and ever, and you were his.

“We’ll be fine, baby. I promise, we’ll be fine.”

You had already heard these words before. You believed them.

#sirius black x reader #sirius black x fem!reader #sirius black x y/n #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black imagine #sirius black series #the marauders #the marauders era #the marauders fanfiction

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writethrough · 10 months

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The Diviner (Part V)

(Morpheus x Prophetess Reader)

Synopsis: Your body needs time to heal, but your unconscious is finally dreaming.

Warnings: None? (Message me if you see any.)

Word Count: 3219

A/N: Did you really think I'd leave you hanging a full week after that little blurb of a last chapter? I think I've more than made up for it with this sucker.

Thank you to everyone who's stuck it out with me. I really enjoyed hearing what you like about this series.

To everyone who has reblogged, you are spectacular humans and deserve an endless supply of your favorite food.

I hope you all enjoy this final chapter! I'd love to know what you thought of this series, and if I should post more multi-part fics in the future.

Series Masterlist

You wander. A maze of darkness before you.

You exhale and remember Morpheus.

A room appears, lit by stained glass, with a throne in the middle. And he's there, alive, staring at you in shock.

—

“I don’t understand,” you say. “How am I awake?”

You were dying. At least it felt like you were dying. So, why are you...fine?

“If I may?” Lucienne asks. Morpheus called for her as soon as he saw you.

His chin dips a fraction, but it’s enough for Lucienne to continue.

“Given your abilities, I believe the severity of your injuries—and healing in the Dreaming—has allowed your subconscious to manifest.” She smiles, pleased with her next words. “You’re dreaming, my lady.”

Your brow furrows, and you glance from her to Morpheus.

“How is that possible? If I’m healing, shouldn’t my mind be recovering as well?”

“Your mind is the most resilient part of you, prophetess. It stands to reason it would need little to no time to replenish,” Morpheus says.

Your eyes lower to the floor, considering this.

For centuries, you’ve seen possible futures—travesties no one could imagine. And you haven’t forgotten one.

Day in and day out, vision after vision, a constant rush of images, sounds, smells, and even sensations when intense enough. Your mind has built up a tolerance for nearly anything and everything.

It seems almost dying is child's play for it though your body would be down for some time.

You take in Morpheus’ throne room, truly seeing where you are. “I’m…dreaming.” And you laugh. In disbelief, in wonder—in sheer joy.

You are dreaming.

—

Morpheus transported your body into his realm as soon as you fainted.

Between your physical injuries and the attack meant for Morpheus, your only chance was the magic and tools in the Dreaming.

Lucienne, Matthew, and Death helped him stabilize you, but he never expected you to walk right up to him as if you were fine.

However your body absorbed the attack, it caused your powers to shut down, and you’re experiencing the Dreaming for the first time in centuries.

You’re acting yourself mostly, but sometimes you grow tired, your physical form telling your unconscious you aren’t out of the woods yet.

Morpheus urges you to take a seat, worry flashing through his eyes.

“I’m okay,” you say. “It’s just a minor spell.”

“I wish I could do more,” he says, hand still on the back of your bicep.

“You’ve done plenty. More than I could ever hope for.”

His jaw clenches, a twitch of movement, but you catch it. You’ve gotten better at picking up his micro-expressions.

“I mean it, Morpheus. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for you.” You try to push as much conviction in the words as possible.

“You wouldn’t have been in harm's way if it wasn’t for me.”

You shake your head, dizzying yourself and need to rest it on your hand. Morpheus’ brow pinches slightly.

“Warrens decided to trap you and use me. I should've predicted that.”

“That’s not in your ability,” he says.

“And I should’ve figured I'd be in danger when Death said you’d be fine. I should’ve known she saw me dying and not you.”

It clicked not longer after you woke up. Of course, Death knew what was supposed to happen.

“You must not focus on the past. It will do nothing to aid your recovery.”

You sigh. “I know. I just feel so stupid.”

Your eyes are downcast. It surprises you when a gentle touch lifts your chin and directs you to focus on him.

“I will not have you speaking as if you’ve done something wrong,” he says. “Because of you, I am alive. I will forever be grateful.”

He waits for an answer. All you can do is nod.

His touch vanishes, and he stands.

“Perhaps I can show you more of the Dreaming.”

You give him a small smile. “I’d like that.”

—

Time moves differently in the Dreaming. It was best when you stopped trying to keep track of it. All you know is that you’ve been recovering for some time. Long enough for you to have your role carved out here and for the residents to call you by name.

Your exhaustion and dizzy spells are few and far between, but they’re intense and accompanied by symptoms of visions. A faint smell, a phantom touch, even a whisper of a voice, but no matter how much you try, you can’t hang onto them. They slip through your fingers before you recognize what they are. It’s like you’re missing a limb.

Today, the loss is affecting you more than you thought it could. You miss your ability. As much trouble as it can cause, you somehow feel untethered from yourself. Even with your body lying unconscious, you’re more of a shell now than ever.

And as much as you try to hide it, somehow, Morpheus knows.

“You will return to yourself,” he says.

You’re sitting in Fiddler’s Green on a bench beneath a grove of magnolia trees.

“It feels like it’s been years,” you say, rubbing your arm. You haven’t felt the breeze on your skin since the attack. You hardly notice it now as the grass moves with it.

You can tell he’s about to respond, and you already know what he’ll say.

“Don’t tell me ‘it takes time’ or ‘be patient.’ I’ve been patient. I’ve had to be patient since Destiny gave me this damn power, and now I can’t even access it because I missed the signs last time!” You rub your face, trying to push the frustration out.

He lets you have your moment to feel that anger.

“Immortality is crueler than death,” he begins. “It's companions are loneliness and waiting.”

You look at him, scanning his features, and nod. Your agitation cools into sympathy.

“I forget what happened to you sometimes. I’m sorry.”

“I will not accept an unnecessary apology,” he says. “My experiences do not outweigh yours.”

“Nevertheless, I’m free here. You weren’t.”

He locks eyes with you, a softness to them. “I am also free.”

It’s like he’s latched onto your soul. His timbre pulls you closer. And you realize you don’t feel so lost when he’s around.

“Boss!”

You lean back and look toward the sound, missing Morpheus’ eyes widening a fraction at Matthew’s interruption, too.

“Boss! Death’s here.” Matthew lands in front of you.

Your brow furrows, and your heart quickens. “Death’s here?”

Why would Death be here? She wouldn’t come to the Dreaming if she didn’t have a good reason.

What if she’s working? What if you aren’t improving and the Dreaming is masking your worsening condition?

Morpheus tilts his head slightly, sensing your tension. He puts the pieces together quickly as he stands.

“I requested she come.” He turns to you, voice tender, reassuring. “I wished to spend time with her.”

—

You haven't seen Death since you arrived.

She and Morpheus urged you to stay even though you wanted to give them privacy. You forgot what it was like to have friends—to be close to others. It was nice.

Then she whisked you away, telling Morpheus it was “girl time.”

You’re strolling on one of the paths: one that extends as long as you can walk and leads to wherever you wish.

You’ve had enough time to think about that day, your limitations, Death’s, what Warrens did to you…

“You knew I’d be there,” you say.

Neither of you stop walking. It’s not a surprise that you’ve brought this up.

“That’s why you were surprised. Not because I had a vision of Morpheus, but because I was supposed to be there all along—because I was supposed to die—and you couldn’t interfere.”

She grimaces. “I’m sorry.”

You let out a breathy laugh. “I should be used to all the secrecy, but I’m not.” You pause. “And yet, I get it. Price of power and all that, I guess.”

Now, she halts. “I know this won’t bring you comfort, but your being alive is a miracle.”

“Then how am I…”

“I don’t know. And that’s not something I say often,” Death says. “I can only speculate, but the day Destiny came to you—before that, he came to me and asked I keep you here. I didn’t ask why, but maybe this was meant to happen. You were the only one who could save my brother.”

You shake your head. “I still don’t understand. Why give me this power at all? Why not just put me on the path so I could save Morpheus at the end? And how could you see my murder if you made that promise?”

“Not even I am sure of that.” She answers your last question. “But: Is that not what Destiny did? Put you on that very path?” She pauses, then softly. “And gave you a purpose. One bigger than anyone should have, but a purpose nonetheless.”

That thought runs around your head.

Did Destiny do that?

It's hard to imagine that being the reason. But why else would he—

“Do you…Do you think Destiny gave me this power so I would survive?”

You aren’t sure that makes sense.

You. Out of everyone that could make a difference in the world, Destiny chose you.

Death shrugs. “Again, I can’t be certain. But think about it, it brought you to Hob, to me," she gives you a knowing look, "to Dream.”

You roll your eyes. “Need I remind you that I hated Morpheus for the longest time.”

“Need I remind you that was in the past tense.” She grins.

“So, you’re saying it’s harder to kill me than I originally thought,” you say, trying to change the subject.

“None of that,” she tuts. “Even though it’s not under the best circumstances, I am happy you and Morpheus are getting to know one another.”

You hum. “I spent so long not knowing what to feel for him—having all of these unanswered questions—it’s strange…to finally have that behind me.” You pause. “I enjoy his company.”

“I would’ve used a stronger word than that,” she says, grinning cheekily.

The tiny smiles Morpheus sent you and the glances you threw him could’ve made her squeal if she was the type.

“Okay,” you wave her off, “enough.”

She puts her hands up, yielding.

You hesitate before telling her this next part.

“I think—No, I know my visions are returning.”

“That’s great!” She grabs your arm. “...Isn’t it?”

“It’s just…They aren’t back yet. They’re not full visions. And I don’t know what that means. Or how long I’ll be like this.” You gesture to yourself.

She smiles empathetically. “It means you’re getting better. I can only imagine how frustrating it’s been, but you are healing.”

You nod. She’s right.

She slips her arm into yours. “Now, let me tell you all the embarrassing stories about my brother.”

You throw your head back and laugh.

—

It’s been a few days since then, you think. You and Morpheus have spent most of your time together. He’s become someone you care for deeply, and you wonder if he feels the same.

You think he does when he pulls out your chair or helps you cross a stream. He’s interested in your life besides your visions. And when you told him about your family and loved ones throughout the years, he placed his hand atop yours. You could still feel it sometimes.

You’re both in the library. A rare occurrence of rest brought Morpheus to curl up with you on the plush sofa. Well, you curled up. Morpheus has his feet on the floor but is leaning into the cushions.

“I’ll have read everything in here by the time I wake up,” you joke, flipping your page.

“I can feel your bouts of power when they rise. It will not be long now.”

He always speaks so assuredly when it’s about your healing. His steadfastness has rubbed off on you. You aren’t so pessimistic about it anymore.

You don’t notice you’re staring at him until he asks if something’s wrong.

You shake your head. “No. I just don’t know what I would’ve done all this time if you weren’t here.”

He faces forward, not staring at anything, and silence settles over you. The atmosphere shifts, and you can almost feel the tension coming from him.

“There is no universe where I would have been elsewhere,” he says, as still as ever.

And it’s his seriousness that makes you drop your light tone and scoot closer.

“I know. And I appreciate that.” You glance at your fingers. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“You haven’t.” He rests his hand on yours. “But know that you are my priority, and I am happy to have been by your side.”

“Morpheus…” you lock eyes, “we’ve been over this. I hate that you feel obligated to help me.”

His brows twitch inward. “I feel no such compulsions. I am grateful you saved my life, but I can never repay such sacrifice.” He pauses. “Your wellbeing is my concern as your…friend.”

His thumb brushes your cheekbone as he searches your eyes.

You pull your lips into a thin line, hoping he can’t feel the heat in your cheeks. “Just know that I wouldn’t change what I did. I wanted to save you—I needed to.”

“You didn’t—”

“I did!” You say almost desperately. “You’re the only connection I have to my past. You’re the only one who knows who I was. I can’t lose you…”

You’re afraid to look him in the eye, but he lifts your chin with a slightly hooked finger, tenderness in his gaze.

“You won’t.”

He pulls his hand away, and you realize how much closer you both have gotten.

“You can’t promise that, though,” you whisper.

“No. I cannot. But I can promise that ritual is gone.”

You clench your jaw. “That won’t stop me from worrying.”

“Then you know how I feel.”

He says it like a joke—mirthful—a tone that’s both strange and welcome in him.

You roll your eyes halfheartedly. “You don’t need to worry. I’m fine.”

“I will stop worrying when you’re awake,” he says. “Until then, I will watch over you.”

A slight shiver runs down your spine. Morpheus' entire focus on you always makes you a little weak, but hearing him say those words? They almost send your knees buckling.

“I don’t understand. Why have you been so insistent about this?”

Something seems to settle in his eyes, his head tipping closer.

“When you were writhing in pain—screaming—something came over me that hasn’t in a long while.”

You tilt your head, waiting.

“Fear.”

“What?” you whisper.

The back of his fingers grazes your cheek, lingering, caressing.

“I feared I would lose you.” He’s searching you, analyzing every twitch and passing emotion.

“Morpheus,” you start, “what are you saying?”

The corner of his lips lift briefly.

“You’ve become important to me,” he breathes. “My prophetess.”

His lips are so close to yours. A moment more, and they’d touch. But as much as you want this, you stop him.

“I don’t want our first kiss to be when I’m dreaming,” you say. “I want it to feel real because…you’ve become important to me, too.”

Softly, he rests his forehead against yours.

“I will wait as long as I must. Knowing you feel the same is enough.”

—

Your dizziness has been nonexistent these past couple of weeks. You’ve been able to help Lucienne in the library much more. However, this morning, if you could even call it that in the Dreaming—it’s like you’ve been getting hit from all sides.

A breeze on your cheek while you were indoors.

A shimmering red when you paged through a book.

And whispered words of “regret this” and mumblings you couldn’t decipher.

But this is your strongest one yet.

It’s not images or scents, not even a noise, but an expansive, all-encompassing feeling blooming within your chest. You swear you’ll burst when Lucienne sees you steadying yourself against a table.

She says your name. “Are you alright?”

The feeling keeps getting bigger and bigger, and then Lucienne seems so far away, then the entire library. And you realize it’s time.

“I think…I think I’m waking up.”

A moment after you spoke, it feels like you're falling backward.

Your eyes open with a quick inhale, and you look around.

You’re in a bed, and everything feels so much more tangible. There are soft sheets, a comforting breeze from the open window, and that unmistakable feeling of something new beginning.

You slowly rise, but where you thought there would be soreness, none comes.

You've healed.

You laugh in disbelief, running out of the room and to the one person you need to see.

He’s creating dreams, something you’d usually take a moment to marvel at, but you can’t seem to give a damn.

He glances over his shoulder, lips ticking up when he sees you.

He’s about to speak. Then, his eyebrows twitch downward when you don’t stop walking, and you barely contain your smile before you kiss him.

It takes him no more than a moment to grip your waist and pull you closer. To feel him like this instead of those phantom pressures, it's indescribable.

You reluctantly retreat, and he stares at you with this kind of awe, tracing the back of his knuckles down your cheek, his features brighter than you’ve ever seen.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

You take a moment before answering. “I’m okay. Everything feels…stronger now.” You give him a small smile. “Real.”

“Not many have visited the Dreaming as you are,” he says. “If you’re overwhelmed, please tell me.”

You shake your head fondly. “Not overwhelmed, just…happy.”

“I am glad.”

Your hands rest on his chest as you stare at him, too thrilled to care that maybe you should say something. But all you want to do is look at him—feel him now that you’re back in your body.

Thankfully, he doesn’t seem to mind.

He’s gripping your hips, the lightest of touches, yet it almost burns you in the best way possible. His thumb grazes one side, grabbing your attention. Like he knows you’re daydreaming.

“I must give you something,” he says.

He reaches within his coat, and in his palm is a gold band embedded with a ruby, a piece of Morpheus’ Dreamstone.

“Stay with me,” he whispers, forehead pressed to yours. “Come and go as you please, but always return. To your home.” He pauses. “To me.”

You stare at him, eyes wide with wonder and glistening.

“Yes,” you breathe, beaming.

He strokes your cheekbone with his thumb before cupping it fully and slotting his lips between yours.

You giggle. “I have to say I really didn’t see this coming.”

If Morpheus was one to roll his eyes, he would have.

“Do not make me regret this.”

The lit in his voice pulls a playful gasp from you.

“It’s too late. You can’t change your mind,” you say, eyes alight.

His warm smile sends gooseflesh up your arms.

“Never,” he whispers.

Destiny has strange ways of working, but after centuries of unanswered questions, you finally think you understand why he chose you.

Maybe the eldest Endless has a softer spot for his younger brother than any of you realize.

Taglist: @sayumiht, @hatterripper31, @snowsatsu, @1950schick, @navs-bhat, @bookshelf-dust, @sapphireonline, @fictional-hooman, @steph-speaks, @ladyredstar1991, @secretdreamlandmentality, @ababycake, @morpheuss1mp, @boofy1998, @alice-the-nerd, @herfantasyworldd, @poemfreak306, @under-kitty

If you’d like to be added to any taglists, please comment or message me with the character you’d like updates on.

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crezz-star · 8 months

Text

CREZZ⭐STAR

( do not reblog. this is just a pinned post.... )

Greetings! I'm Crezz! I DRAW WHAT I WANT and what I love and give me inspiration. I found myself drawn to Isekai fantasy genres lately! I also love sparkles, color gold/yellow, cats and DMC's NERO, very very much! ✨✨✨✨

I like games / manga / anime / comic though I do have my favorites that will be stated below:

✨ Devil May Cry series ✨

✨ Final Fantasy XIV ✨

✨ ONE PIECE✨

✨ Detective Conan ✨

Hazbin Hotel

Final Fantasy VII Crisiscore

Kingdom Hearts series

Final Fantasy XV

Tate No Yuusha no nariagari

MARVEL

I like to draw on my own pace as i do not like pressure nor being hired with a deadline. I work best when i'm taking my time because I find inspirations to fuel me to make the piece exquisite.

>> Also NOTE: I like a chill environment and time so I am very much the fiction is and only remains fiction type of person, meaning i'm PROFICTION / PROSHIP, and thus can tell the difference, and DOES separate IRL from fiction. Meaning I can handle seeing most dark themes as well. Although If there's things I do not like, I tend to ignore / mute or block it to avoid it. So i'd recommend you do the same if there's things you don't like that i draw / like / make or plainly of me being proship. Because I am not anyone's online babysitter. This is my blog and YOU came here. Don't act like you own me or control what I make. You don't, so don't go acting entitled.

>> Also 2nd NOTE: Pairings / shipping wise I have top / bottom positionals preference for very few particular characters. That being firstly DMC Nero (top only) and Roronoa Zoro (top only). While there may be times I like art that depicts them as the opposite, its more of appreciation to the art and skills of the artist itself. Nothing more.

>> Also 3rd NOTE: anywhere I go, which ever social media account. I block people. It can be the stuff they make (fanart of pairings i don't like) /say makes me uncomfortable or I see them agreeing or even doing cyberbullying and doxxing of others themselves. It's nothing personal. I just want to vibe and have a good time and avoid terrible people so I use block ( or mute ) . Especially on X where I go on blocking spree sometimes, block chain, to keep my timeline peaceful and thus peace of mind.

>> Also 4th NOTE: any anons planning to send hate in my ask box. don't even think about it. You will only make yourself look like really terrible laughable ( in a bad way ) clown because I will just delete your ask and block you. ( yes even when you are anonymous, there's an option to block, which if i recall correctly, it's your ip that tumblr blocks instead. ) save your energy. Because AGAIN in case you missed it. I DO NOT HOLD BACK IN BLOCKING. Use your energy on things that makes you happy rather than hating on people.

I hope you enjoy your stay! May the stars shine your path to a sparkling future!

----------------------------------------------------

LINKS

Gank ( with monthly art rewards )

X ( twitter )

Twitch

BLUESKY 🔞🪦🕊🔞

facebook page

pixiv🔞 🪦🕊🔞

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leohtttbriar · 6 months

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I think Michael like for all that she is she is definitely an anthropologist like I think she takes a very great cultural lense before a scientific

you know, i think you are absolutely right! thank you so much for bringing this up! i wasn't even thinking about her academic specialties when i wrote this post. her first question being about "praying" could very easily just have been the way she was trained to meet alien peoples where they are first before obnoxiously being like "what is that, tho"

and, to your point about the cultural v scientific lens:

for better or worse, i'd say star trek collapses the boundaries between a lot of academic disciplines. "hard" v "soft" science doesn't seem to be a distinction in the star trek speculative world, where linguistics and anthropology are as much about physics and biology and no one is going to pretend like learning languages is a different kind of Study to learning chemistry. this sometimes does not work, imo, because sometimes the writing will accidentally slip into an unexamined essentialism with the alien cultures, which renders the whole of the allegory sort of silly and potentially all kinds of offensive. but it sometimes does work.

discovery, from what i remember of the first two seasons (i'm only just now starting the third, bc i lost my cbs account between 2 and 3, alas! etc), seems more able than other series to collapse the distance between disciplines and walk the line between what is cultural and what is material culture informed by biology. like saru constantly talks of his alien species and how their history of being hunted on his planet manifests in a perpetual anxiety and tamed-curiosity for him but also lends a level of care and sensitivity that he excels in---all of which fleshes out the character while giving him the awareness and consciousness to know why he may be acting a certain way compared to others and why he shouldn't ever be demeaned for it and where his body and his body's millions-of-years-old natural history can be challenged with that consciousness and how his consciousness can be valued precisely for its origins.

the klingons and vulcans, while not as sophisticated as the character saru, also seem to be largely cultural products that are informed by their specific biology. michael, somewhat caught between the cultural product and her own biological reality, can affect vulcan mannerisms and is very often portayed as thinking like a vulcan, while remaining very recognizable to us. her phrasing and her pattern of speech, while not monotone, are normally utterances that move from established fact to logical conclusion. I have nowhere to go back to...the only thing I can do right now is trust something, she says, upon being thrust nine-hundred years in the future. it's the statement of a stoic philosopher (probably one of the "vulcan" influences). she is concerned with what is material and what is real and what is real to others.

which is why i really like what you pointed out about her anthropology expertise--culture is real and often naturalized to those who live in it. michael is definitely someone, what with her studies and how she was raised, who is intimately aware of how the alien can be made familiar, how bodies can't be denied but you can learn to know them, how consciousness is strange and existence-in-causal-time stranger, and how people (all creatures included) are never all one thing or another.

obviously there's no perfect speculative fiction creating speculative cultures. the hurdles of making a sell-able show and the ingrained biases and limitations of the writers are not insignificant. but the storytelling here is engaging with conceits concerning the preciousness of life and the immutability of that preciousness--even if you don't understand it.

(also i just love michael burnham with all my heart. don't think it was a coincidence she was named after the angel who carries a sword.)

#star trek #discovery #guess i'm going to have to go rewatch the first two seasons now!!#i used to consume media that wasn't star trek #michael burnham

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thebiggerbear · 2 months

Text

The Ghosts Are Coming For You Chapter 2 - Beau Arlen x Reader

Pairing: Beau x Female!Reader; Beau x Female!Detective!Reader

A/N: Sorry this took so long but I'm a pita sometimes when it comes to the mapping out process and setups. A huge thank you to my beta, Em, for all of the brainstorming sessions we had where she would listen to me rant and rave about this chapter as I beat it into shape like a pillow under your head that won't cooperate. She unfortunately didn't have time to do the final process of beta'ing this time around but she did spend a lot of time helping me mold this into what it is so I want to thank her for that. Again, apologies for another long chapter. I did contemplate splitting this into two shorter chapters but in the end, it felt right to keep it altogether for the setup's sake. Future chapters will not nearly be this long. Thanks for sticking with me on this ride. Hope this came out okay.

Unbeta'd so all mistakes are mine.

Songs mentioned in the chapter: Knockin' Boots by Luke Bryan; I'd Love To Lay You Down by Conway Twitty

Disclaimer: Let me just say up front, I have never worked in law enforcement so I tried to piece together things I’ve seen and heard in true crime documentaries and podcasts alongside with movies/tv and books. I apologize for any inconsistencies, incorrect information, exaggerations, or complete fallacies. Also, this story is going to take place over a few months. Some things might be delayed or appear illogical to not have been thought of before they take place in the timeline, but it’s purely for story purposes.

Tl;dr: I made shit up.

Warnings: mentions of deaths/murders; mentions of abusive relationship; mentions of emotional/psychological, physical, and verbal abuse; angst; a little sexual tension; a little flirting/teasing

Word Count: 16k+

Please do not do any of the above. Thank you for your understanding.

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Series Masterlist

Series Taglist: @deans-spinster-witch; @superrey; @fromcaintodean; @stoneyggirl2; @lacilou; @zepskies; @perpetualabsurdity; @deansbbyx; @syrma-sensei; @globetrotter28; @roseblue373; @angelbabyyy99; @hobby27; @rieleatiel

Beau Taglist: @heartlessdelusions; @nancymcl; @birdiellie; @illicithallways; @muhahaha303

You glanced at yourself one more time in the mirror of the bathroom at the precinct, smoothing down your dress and checking your make-up one last time. You and Jack had just pulled up to the station no more than half an hour ago.

You’d been called out on another case earlier in the day. Thankfully, this one didn’t appear to be connected to the one from this morning. Instead, it had been a home invasion that had gone badly and the homeowners had been found shot to death, by their college-aged daughter who had been returning home from a late night out. You tried to put the traumatized girl and the victims out of your mind, but you knew the former’s heart-wrenching sobs were just as likely to haunt you as much as the images of her dead parents would. You silently promised her exactly what you promised every other loved one in the cases you worked: you’d do everything you could to find the ones responsible and put them away for good. You just hoped you could deliver in this case, and that it hopefully might bring some small measure of peace for the young girl whose parents were now gone and who she had to make funeral arrangements for. Thankfully, her aunt lived nearby so the woman had been on the scene almost as soon as the responding officer had been. You were relieved that the daughter wouldn’t have to face all of this alone.

You took a deep breath and stared at your reflection, forcing yourself to change thought tracks and focus on your upcoming date with the County’s sheriff. Your nerves were slightly on edge; you hadn’t been on a date since you had been living in New York. Not a real date, anyway. Jack’s girlfriend, Cecilia, had kindly tried to set you up a couple of times with single guys she knew in the first couple of months you’d been here, but both blind dates had been full blown disasters. Your heart hadn’t really been in it, anyway, and you were convinced that you just weren’t destined for love or family or any of those white picket fence dreams everyone else had. You were married to your job, could even get obsessive with it at times, and that would just have to be enough to sustain you. Besides, after your last relationship, you almost tended to prefer it that way.

You just hoped this dinner went well, even if it didn’t end up really going anywhere. You could do with a friend around here, someone other than Jack, who you could maybe meet up and have a beer with every now and then. Someone who understood the job and wouldn’t take it personally if you had to cancel last minute because you got a call you had to respond to. Someone who could help distract you from the daily horrors that plagued your mind and maybe lighten up your darker times. Plus, you could now have a contact in the Sheriff’s department if you ever needed to reach out for anything relating to a case.

And even if things got awkward, at least you could have a drink and you had a very handsome sheriff to feast your eyes on. You’d never admit it to him but the cowboy thing really worked for him and it did do it for you a little. Though you sincerely hoped he left the Stetson at home this time.

There were many reasons to look forward to this dinner, and barely any to dread it. You swore to yourself that you would have a good time, no matter what, and you would relax for the evening.

You did some last minute adjustments to your hair, blew out a breath, and left the bathroom. When you stepped into the squad room, you heard a wolf whistle coming from the corner desk. “Fuck off, Taylor.” You flipped the younger man the bird, ignored his commentary, and braced yourself when Jack turned around in his chair to face you.

“Nice.” Jack gave you an approving nod, taking in the soft waves of your hair, your simple floral-patterned dress, your light-handed make-up, and your appropriate length heels. “You got a hot date or something?” He teased.

“Shut up,” you muttered, making your way to your desk.

Your partner laughed, knowing from your response that he was right. “Cecilia is going to love this. Who’s the lucky guy?”

You bit your lip, packing your things into the purse you’d grabbed from your car earlier. You always kept an emergency bag of clothes and necessary items in your car; you had learned that a spare change of clothes and a toothbrush were good to keep on hand for those long nights you worked or for the occasional damage that was done to clothes you were wearing while on the job. This may be a smaller town and it may have a smaller budget, but thank God they had showers. They had saved you more than once, especially when it came to mud or…other things.

You glanced around the room and mumbled, “Sheriff Arlen.”

You knew Jack had heard you because his dark eyes were as wide as saucers. “Come again?”

“The sheriff.”

“But I thought he and Jenny Hoyt were—”

You glared over at him. “Well, apparently they’re not. He said as much when he asked me to dinner.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So he asked you out at a murder scene,” Jack teased. “Sounds about right.”

The scowl that plastered itself onto your face would have terrified any other man. You reminded yourself that while you could probably kill him and make it look like an accident, that would be hard to do in a room full of seasoned homicide detectives who were sitting only a few feet from you. Not to mention, you’d need to find a new partner and there was no way in hell you were sharing a car with someone like Taylor every day. You’d go to prison first.

He held his hands up. “Kidding, kidding. I was kidding, Y/N. Come on.”

“Not funny.”

“It was. A little bit. Seeing as you’re always working. How else would he be able to ask?” When your glare didn’t let up any, he decided to ease up on you and cleared his throat. “You know, I was wondering why he was so chatty with you all of a sudden. Can’t say I blame him, though.” Jack inclined his head towards you. “When you clean up, you clean up nice.”

You gave him a look. “Thanks ever so much, Jack.” Whatever little confidence you’d managed to scrounge up in the bathroom before was now completely deflated. You knew you looked nice, but the little joke he’d made had taken the wind right out of your sails. Jack was just being Jack, you knew that; he meant no harm. He had no idea how close to home his words had actually hit. He was just ribbing you like always, no more than any of the other guys here did on a daily basis.

“Hey, I was trying to compliment you,” he laughed. “So where is he taking you?”

“A steakhouse in town. He said they serve the best ribeye in the county.”

He nodded in approval. “Nice. So this is like a real date, huh?”

“Think so.”

“You and the sheriff. Who would’ve thought?”

“Shh,” you hissed. “Keep your voice down.” At his questioning look, you added, “I don’t want anyone else knowing about this. If Taylor found out, he’d never shut up.” You could immediately see the flaw to your plan having Beau pick you up at your job. Guaranteed many people would see you and your coworkers, including Taylor, were bound to find out anyway.

“Well, I’m flattered you told me, I guess.”

“You should be,” you insisted, glancing towards the clock and seeing it was 7:30 on the dot. You grabbed your purse and started to make your way to the door, hating the way your heels clacked loudly against the floor.

“Have fun,” Jack called. “If you need me to pick you up, let me know.”

“Thanks,” you called back, flipping Taylor off again for good measure. The guy was now making actual barking sounds. You supposed you should be grateful that he hadn’t actually made his way over to you to try his cheap come-ons on you like usual.

“Oh, a word of advice.”

You stopped and turned back to Jack, who leaned a little closer in his chair towards you, keeping his voice low.

“If the handcuffs come out at some point, and knowing you they most likely will, make sure to keep the key nearby. You don’t want to have to call 911 because you left it on the dresser. That would be one embarrassing emergency call to make.” He smirked, shooting you a wink.

You placed a hand on your hip, glaring at your partner. “Darcy, how you continue to get laid on a regular basis is beyond me. Cecilia is a damn saint and someone should thank her for her service.”

The bastard had the nerve to laugh. “I do. Every single time.” His grin widened and you felt ill to your stomach.

Making a face, you waved a hand to dismiss him and turned back around. “Bye.”

“Remember,” Jack called. “Keep it nearby!”

You shook your head but didn’t respond, instead continuing your trek out to the parking lot.

Once you stepped outside, you did a quick scan of the area and found the man you were looking for. He was in a different car this time, a rust-colored truck that had definitely seen better days.

He had just turned to look at the entrance when he spotted you, eyes widening slightly. He hurried to get out of his car and began to approach you. You decided to meet him halfway, thankful there wasn’t really anyone milling around at that moment.

Before he could get a word out, you noticed the new look right away.

“You changed,” you accused.

“So did you,” he pointed out, his eyes roving over you.

You nervously smoothed down the skirt of your dress with your fingers. “I wasn’t sure if there was a dress code where we were going. I should have asked. Is this okay?”

He nodded, a slow smile forming on his face. “More than okay. You look amazing,” he breathed.

You couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks, you look great, too.” You took him in and definitely liked what you saw. No hat, a button-down that hugged him in all the right places, jeans, short brown wavy hair that looked to be the right length for you to run your fingers through (among other things), a touched up beard from earlier, and a warm grin. “So you put the cowboy away.”

He chuckled and you could swear you could see a faint pink color dusting his cheeks, though it wasn’t easy to tell in this light. “A little bit.” He gestured towards his cowboy boots, making you let out a quiet laugh.

“I like it.” You gave him a kind smile; you truly did like what you saw.

His smile grew and he held out an arm in invitation. “Shall we, little lady?”

“Oh no, you didn’t.”

Chuckling once more, he lowered his arm and moved closer. “Too much?”

“Way too much.”

This time, he held out his hand to you in offering, and tried again, giving you his most charming smile. “Ready, Beautiful?”

Choosing to ignore the way your heart skipped a beat, you placed your hand in his and gave him a nod of approval. “Better. Still needs work, but better.” You could feel the warmth of his skin seeping into yours and you almost wanted to intertwine your fingers with his to feel more of it, but that would be too forward of you and might make things awkward. You hadn’t even gone on the date yet. So instead, you smiled when you felt the strength of his grip and let him lead you wherever he intended to go.

He started towards the truck. “Already, you are one tough woman to please. I hope this isn’t a sign of how the rest of our night will go,” he quipped.

“Depends on how hard you work to please me.”

His eyes snapped to yours and seeing your teasing grin, he shook his head, looking away, clearly amused. “I really got myself into something here, didn't I?”

“You did,” you laughed.

“You know, they say you East Coast girls can be difficult to satisfy.” You noticed the twang purposely deepen as he teased you back.

Once you reached the car, he opened your door for you. “You know, they say you Texan cowboys never met a challenge you didn’t like.” You moved past him, not missing the smirk on his face and the shake of his head, and slipped into the passenger seat. He closed your door for you and you rearranged the skirt of your dress by the time he joined you inside.

He turned a smile on you. “Ready?”

You returned it and gave him a nod after having buckled your seat belt. “Ready.”

You watched as his smile broadened and he started up the car, thinking this date was already going better than the other two you’d had since coming here.

It should have hit you that you’d allowed him to pick you up rather than insisting on meeting him at the restaurant. This way in case things turned out as they had both previous times, you had an easy escape should it be needed. But there was something about the sheriff that had you throwing most of your caution to the wind for the evening. Something just so inviting, as if he were the sun and you wanted to be in his orbit, no matter how temporary it might be.

Beau turned the radio on and Luke Bryan’s voice carried from the speakers and echoed throughout the car. “Boots need knockin’, knockin’ boots, knockin’ boots, me and you, oh” You saw his cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink as he quickly changed the station, clearing his throat quietly. When Conway Twitty’s voice floated through with “But I won’t talk of starry skies or moonlight on the ground I’ll come right out and tell you I’d just love to lay you down”, he immediately turned to another station, his shoulders relaxing slightly when it was apparent a commercial was playing. You bit into your lip, trying to hide a smile underneath your hand as best you could until he turned to look at you.

He let out a nervous chuckle. “Maybe you should pick the music.”

You leaned forward, never taking your eyes off of him, and switched the radio off.

“Good choice,” he laughed. “Though I warn you, I’ve been known to be a bit of a talker. Silences and I don’t get along too well, or so I’ve been told.” He gave you a sheepish grin.

“Good.” You smiled and got comfortable. “I want to hear all about the cowboy from Texas who ended up as a sheriff in Montana,” you teased.

He watched you for a moment, his grin softening into a smile, and then he laughed and nodded, turning back to the road. “Copy that.” You hadn’t even pulled away from the curb before he launched into his first story of the night.

“What made you want to become a homicide detective?” Beau asked.

There it was. One of the three questions you hated being asked, especially on a date. True, when you go on a date, you’re supposed to talk and get to know one another, but sometimes you wished you could skip this part of the conversation altogether. That and anything about your personal and professional life back East. But you supposed that wasn’t feasible and it was unfair to the person asking, so you usually found yourself answering, and by answering you typically meant that you evaded the questions at all costs.

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about work.” You took a sip of your wine, quickly glancing around. The steakhouse he had taken you to was nice. It was a little more packed than you anticipated for a Thursday night, in these parts anyway, but the ambience was perfect and you had to admit that the sheriff had chosen well. He had insisted on pulling your chair out for you, which was a nice touch. He had even opened the car door for you, too, upon your arrival, holding a hand up to stop the parking attendant from approaching you while thanking him.

By the time you both had gotten to the restaurant, you had learned that Beau had a younger brother who he was very fond of, and that he had initially retired from law enforcement but then had been pulled out of it by one phone call from his injured predecessor. Beau hadn’t been lying; he was a talker. Surprisingly, you enjoyed that fact about him. He could switch gears and talk about any topic, regale you with stories that were entertaining and helped you learn more about him. Some might think he enjoyed going on about himself but you could see that wasn’t the case. He used his affinity for talking to try to connect to those around him. He was always looking for common ground and a way to make you feel comfortable. He was open and gregarious, almost warm you would say, so the person he was talking to would feel at ease. You instantly liked that about him.

Once you were led to your table, you both quickly put in an order for drinks: a beer for him and a glass of red wine for you. You kind of liked it when he admitted he wasn’t much of a wine drinker and you might have joined him for that beer if you hadn’t been nervous. Beau had then asked if it was okay if he could order for both of you, swearing by his choice of entree and that you would love it, and you had happily agreed, more than impressed that he had asked first.

It didn’t take too long for Beau to start up more conversation between you and your nerves began to ease, with you realizing you really liked this guy. Sure, you were attracted to him — who wouldn’t be? But you also could see yourself with him outside of the bedroom, possibly taking in a movie, having more dinners like this one, and just spending time together. While you knew you still needed to get to know him better before thinking of anything like that, and you hadn’t been looking to start up an actual relationship anytime soon, your instincts told you to hold onto this one and not just casually throw him away for a roll in the sheets or two.

Plus, the man had been right; your food was delicious. All in all, this was definitely the best date you’d been on since being in Montana, no contest.

Now here you were, over drinks and a half eaten dinner, enjoying said meal when Beau decided to turn the tables on you. You supposed it was only fair; he had been doing a lot of the talking thus far and it was a date after all. You just wished he hadn’t started out the gate with that.

“We aren’t,” he confirmed, giving you a broad smile. “I’m just asking about your background because I want to know more about you.”

Well, damn, when he put it like that… “Fair enough,” you agreed.

“So, homicide. How’d that come about?”

You shrugged. “Seemed like a good move to make at the time.”

“And you don’t think it is anymore?”

You thought over for a moment how best to answer that one. Should you be honest and let him know where your head was at? Or should you keep it to yourself as you had been for the past year? One brief glance into his warm green eyes had your lips loosening. You got the feeling that whatever you told him about this subject would stay between you two. “You have to be made for the job.” You bit your lip and trailed your fingers over the rim of your wine glass. “I’m not sure that I am,” you admitted quietly.

“Seems like you are.”

You looked up to find him smiling kindly at you. “You saw me at one crime scene and you think I’m a natural?”

“Well, no, I mean, you were great. But uh,” You noticed a faint tinge of pink rising in his cheeks and he gave you a sheepish smile alongside a nervous chuckle. “I may have looked you up earlier.”

Ah, you had expected as much. You gave him an approving nod before taking a sip of wine. “A man who does his homework.”

“It’s just that you said you’d only been here for four months and with the department not having heard anything about the string of cases your precinct’s had in all that time…I felt I should look into it a little,” he attempted to explain, guilt beginning to line his expression. “It’s more about the case from this morning than you. After the last time, I just…”

You could see he was trying to figure out how to finish that sentence but he didn’t need to. “It’s fine.” You waved your hand dismissively and sat back in your chair with wine in hand. “I looked into you, too,” you admitted. Something you usually did before a date anyway, but the sheriff had particularly piqued your curiosity.

His brows arched in surprise. “And?”

“You need to update your department photo on your website.”

“Never,” he swore, making you tilt your head and smile in amusement. After a moment, his grin faded and he glanced back down at his plate. “That can’t be the only thing you saw in your search.”

You debated on whether to tell him what you’d found. It obviously hadn’t affected your decision to go out with him tonight. There wasn’t a single officer in law enforcement that didn’t have a case in their past that haunted them, whether it had gone awry or it was that truly terrible. You knew that better than most. While you were curious about what you had seen, you didn’t need answers, not until he was ready to give them.

You carefully chose your words before responding. “I may have seen something about a case down in Houston that perhaps didn’t go as planned.”

Stiffly nodding, he began to cut into his meat. “Didn’t go as planned is a real nice way of putting it,” he mumbled before taking a bite.

You studied him as he chewed, noting the tension in his jaw that wasn’t just due to the action. You could understand that this appeared to be a topic that he didn’t like discussing. Once he swallowed, he took a sip of his beer, his eyes meeting yours. “You had no problem answering my question. I suppose it’s only fair that I should answer yours.”

Your brows furrowed as you pretended to be confused. “I don’t think I’ve gotten to ask a question yet.”

His features relaxed slightly and his smile started to return. You mirrored it and he let out a quiet chuckle as he self-consciously scratched at his eyebrow. “Yeah, I, uh…I do that a lot. Sorry. Hoyt always says I can be a real chatty one.”

Your jaw was the one tensing this time, at the mention of Hoyt, but you worked to cover it well by finishing the tiny amount of wine left in your glass. You had zero desire to be reminded of that pushy blonde from this morning. You signaled to your server for another glass and sat back, smiling. “I don’t mind it all that much.”

And that was the truth, you didn’t. Which was odd because most times after a long day like this one, you just wanted peace and quiet. And that’s what you had always looked for in someone, besides the other desired qualities someone had in a life partner — someone who could let you have that quiet, let it be comfortable between you and empty of expectations, even give your mind time to process everything from the day’s events. Someone who understood and didn’t take it personally, who didn’t cop an attitude if you didn’t want to rush right back out the door for a dinner hosted by your friends or to go to a family gathering or to a sporting event or concert down at Madison Square Garden. Someone who could just let you be during some of the tougher days in your career. As you had already observed, Beau’s conversation flowed freely but the best part was that it didn’t carry any requirements of your constant participation. You actually enjoyed some of the stories he’d regaled you with already and you liked how the banter between you was natural and easygoing. Even if you weren’t here on a date, you had a feeling that had you met him in another social setting, you would have enjoyed talking with him anyway. He just had this warm, light-hearted, and charismatic way about him that just invited you in and you had no choice but to want to be around him.

“It doesn’t annoy you?” Beau asked, dubious. “It’s annoyed every other woman in my life so far.”

You shook your head and shrugged. “Sounds like that’s their loss then.” You gave an appreciative smile to the server who delivered your new glass of wine and held it out to Beau. “And their loss is my gain.”

Beau’s gaze was intent on you and his grin melted into the smirk that had first made an appearance when he’d asked you out. “Both our gain,” he murmured, lifting his pint glass to meet your glass in a soft clink. Neither of you looked away as you both drank and that familiar flip feeling was back in your stomach.

“So.” You quietly cleared your throat after placing your glass down, forcing your gaze back on the steak you were trying to cut into while also attempting to rein yourself back in. If you weren’t careful, you might just ask him to skip dinner altogether and get straight to dessert…at your place. “You looked into me. Any questions?” You braced yourself, expecting the other two questions you dreaded: about the infamous serial killer case you’d been involved in back East that he had obviously read up on, or worse, your romantic history.

“Just one.” Your eyes flicked to his and you found him giving you that charming smile once more. “Are you religious?”

Your brows furrowed slightly, wondering where that had come from. A little part of you was dismayed at the question, hoping he wasn’t one of those guys. There was nothing wrong with being religious of course, but it wasn’t your thing. Back in New York when you had been patrolling the streets in uniform, you had gone on a date with a friend of a friend. By the end of said date, you were fielding questions about your sexual history, if you were willing to turn away from sin, and what you would be willing to do to avoid eternal damnation of your soul because you were a woman and a whore (his words, not yours). He had even tried to slip a pocket Bible into your purse without your knowledge before you hurried out of the building, telling yourself that you were done with blind dates forevermore. And you had been, though Cecilia had managed to talk you back into them once you got here (but you’d made your ‘absolutely no exceptions’ rule known before she did). But then of course, the two she’d set you up on pretty much closed out that option for you permanently.

With Beau, you hadn’t gotten that religious vibe from him but you also hadn’t known him all that long. Disappointment radiated throughout your chest. Perhaps you would be calling Jack for a ride after all. “No. Why?”

He gestured towards your neck and you glanced down, realizing what he was focused on. The immediate relief swept through you and you discreetly let out a breath. “It’s pretty,” he reassured. “I just thought…maybe…”

You maneuvered the cross pendant between your fingers and smiled down at it. You always wore it and it hadn’t even entered your mind that it might come up in conversation. When you had checked yourself over in the mirror earlier at the station, you didn’t even give it a second thought when you saw it, sitting around your neck, shining brightly for all to see. It was just a part of you at this point, like another limb, that you barely paid any notice to. Unless you sought it out like you had at your first crime scene of the day this morning. “It was a gift.”

You glanced up to find Beau nodding. “Oh. So, not religious then?”

“Not religious,” you confirmed. “More…spiritual.” You turned your smile onto him. “Maybe,” you added as a quick afterthought.

His eyes were focused on you, warm as could be, and his smile echoed that warmth. “Same, actually.”

More relief flooded through you as you folded your arms on the table, pushing your plate away slightly. You were still eating but you needed your stomach to settle a little first from the flip-flopping it just did before you continued. “Sometimes with this job, it’s hard to be a believer, you know?”

“Yeah,” he agreed quietly. “Sure is sometimes.” He began to cut another piece of his steak. “A gift, huh? Who from?” He swallowed and then his eyes widened slightly. “I mean, only if it’s okay for me to ask that. Shit, sorry,” he laughed nervously at himself. “I am really bad at this. It’s, uh…it’s been a while.”

“Me too,” you reassured him with a smile, relieved to hear it. “I’m not that much better but I’m pretty sure this is what we’re supposed to be doing. Asking questions, getting to know one another…”

“Good point. Well, in getting to know one another,” He appeared serious all of a sudden and you noticed a little apprehension that hadn’t been there before. “I should tell you that I’ve been married before.”

That slightly surprised you, more from the topics being changed so quickly than the revelation. It was something you already knew thanks to your look into him earlier, but it had been a brief mention in everything you read. You were waiting for him to bring it up and now that he had, you were curious as to what heralded the end of his marriage and just how long ago it had been considering the Houston case had only been a few years ago and he had still been married then. You also wondered just how long he had been married.

“And I also have a teenage daughter.”

You kept your expression even and gave him a slow nod. So, that long then.

Beau cleared his throat nervously. “Her mom and I split up a few years back. They came up here and I followed them. I didn’t want to be too far from my little girl. But, some months back, she and her mom moved back down to Houston.” His expression darkened for a moment before it cleared and he gave you a nervous smile.

Your brows drew together. You could understand his moving up here to be close to his daughter; that was admirable even. Though when they moved back to Texas, Beau didn’t follow them this time? There was definitely a story there.

He was studying you, most likely trying to ascertain if this was a dealbreaker for you. You lifted a bite of steak on your fork and asked, “How old is your daughter?” When you placed the meat inside your mouth and began to chew, you noticed the relief sweeping through his expression.

“Seventeen.” He gave you a wide smile, pride shining in his green eyes.

“Wow. She’s almost out of high school.”

That smile grew even bigger if it were possible. You couldn’t help but mirror it; it was nice to see a father be proud of his daughter. It wasn’t exactly something you experienced yourself growing up.

“Yeah,” he chuckled. “Hard to believe. Em told me today that she and her mom are going to look at the University of Houston this weekend. My little girl is talking about going to college.” He shook his head. “Where the hell did the time go?” He murmured sadly, dropping his gaze to his glass in thought.

You gave him a moment to collect his thoughts. You imagined it must be hard not to be present for these important moments in his daughter’s life, especially considering what they’d been through. The serial killer case Jack, Anderson, and your Chief kept referring to turned out to be the same one you found out Beau and his department had been involved in. While one of the kidnapping victim’s names had not been disclosed to the media, the internal reports confirmed it for you: Beau’s daughter had been taken by the suspect. Thankfully, there had been a happy ending for all involved minus the killer. However, you still wondered why he hadn’t followed his family back home, especially after all of that. There had to be a reason he stayed (which you were currently grateful for) but you didn’t think it could be the job. It had to be something else but what that something else could be, you had no idea. You didn’t know his daughter obviously but seeing the sadness currently residing in his expression, you felt for him; you felt for them both.

Beau seemed to realize he had spaced out for a moment and quietly cleared his throat. He gave you a tiny smile but you could tell some of the light had gone out of it from before and his eyes weren’t as bright when they settled back on you. “Sorry. It just…” He made an explosion sound and gestured towards his head. “It still catches me off guard sometimes.”

“You don’t need to apologize.” You gave him a reassuring smile. You could see the gratitude staring back at you and you took another bite of your steak to give him another moment. He appeared to take your cue and did the same. When you were done chewing, you lifted up your glass to take another sip of wine. “It’s from a family.”

His brows furrowed slightly in confusion.

You gestured to your necklace. “It was given to me by the family of a victim. After I worked their case.”

You could see surprise and interest light up his eyes, but you appreciated that he didn’t immediately begin peppering you with questions. Instead, he smiled at you. “I’m sure they were grateful for everything you did for them.”

You affected a slow nod, your fingers immediately clasping onto your cross pendant as memories a part of you would rather forget began to play on a loop in your mind. You glanced out across the restaurant and Beau mercifully gave you a minute to get yourself together.

Eventually, you brought your attention back to the man sitting across from you, moving back into his chair and sighing in satisfaction. He had finished his dinner while you had been working to push certain images in your mind back into the box you locked everything from your job away in. “Best steak in the whole county. That with a beer at the end of a long day…never fails.”

“It is pretty good.” You had to agree; it was definitely the best steak you’d had since moving here.

He seemed pleased at that. “Though, I may need to get some steps in before we leave.” He gestured towards his body. “I have a figure to maintain.”

You could see the teasing in his gaze and you decided to tease him back. “From what I can see, you don’t have all that much that you need to maintain. But, if you really want to work the calories off.” You gave him your best seductive smirk. “I can think of a few ways to help with that.”

As you expected, the shade of his eyes darkened slightly and his smile melted into that familiar smirk. “Do you now?”

You kept your gaze locked on his as you picked up your wine, finishing it in one long swallow, before placing the glass back down and licking the last remnants from your lips. When your tongue made an appearance, his eyes were laser focused on it, before lifting back to yours. All traces of the teasing from before were gone now. “I do,” you confirmed.

Images filled your mind once more, but this time they were of a more carnal nature, starring the attractive man sitting across from you, who very much appeared to be hungry again, and not for food this time. That expression of his promised deliciously dark and sinful things should you decide to make good on your implied offer. You were seriously considering throwing every rule you had right out the window and asking him to drive you back to your place, your car be damned. You’d call Jack for a ride to the station in the morning, not caring in the least about any jokes he might make at your expense on the way. With the way Beau was looking at you now, you were pretty sure you’d be too blissfully tired to care much anyway.

“How is everything?”

The server’s question interrupted your little staring contest and Beau turned an amiable smile up at the man. “Great. Another ribeye grilled to perfection.” You took the opportunity to breathe and get your thoughts back in order.

The younger man grinned, pleased. “Glad to hear it. Is there anything else I can get you?”

Beau glanced over at you as did the server, both waiting for your answer. You knew your reply would determine how you would spend the rest of your evening: sleeping alone or not sleeping at all.

After a moment of desire and logic warring within you, the former ended up winning out. You turned a polite smile onto the server. “Can I get some coffee, please? Decaf?”

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Beau’s gaze drop to his plate but you also could see the hint of a smile forming on his handsome face.

“Absolutely. Sir, would you like anything else?”

Beau beamed up at the man. “I’ll take some coffee as well. Also decaf. Thank you.”

The server nodded, grabbing your plates, and hurried off to get said coffee.

When Beau’s eyes met yours, you gave him an apologetic smile. You hadn’t meant to be a tease. You really did want to take him back to your place, but you also liked him and surprising yourself, you wanted to see where this could possibly go. You weren’t looking for a serious relationship right now (or possibly ever again) but you also didn’t want whatever this was with Beau only ending up as a one night stand. As much as you were attracted to him and as badly as you wanted to find out just what was stirring deep within those eyes when he looked at you like that, you wanted this to last just a little bit longer. That was what had the rational part of your mind winning the battle from a few moments ago, much to the chagrin of other parts of you.

Beau gave you a subtle nod and his returning smile was understanding and almost appeared a little relieved. You weren’t exactly sure what to think about that but he didn’t give you much time to ponder it before he hit you with the third question you despised. “So, how about you? Ever been married? Any kids?”

You could feel a familiar tension happening in your face when you forced a wan smile. “Never on both counts.”

“Never as in never happened? Or never as in you never plan to?”

You wondered why you had been stupid enough to finish your wine and not get a refill before ordering the coffee. You truly hated this part of dating, which was one of the reasons why you didn’t do it too often. Beau wasn’t asking anything outside of the box that would be expected from a first date, but God did you hate this question.

“Never as in I’ve never been married and no, I don’t have kids.” You glanced around, looking for the server but not finding him. When you looked at Beau again, you found him studying you intently. He seemed to sense that this wasn’t a topic you really wanted to delve into and decided to leave well enough alone. He slowly nodded at your response and finished the remains of his beer.

The playful banter from before, the comfortable conversation, the teasing — all of it seemed to have vanished into thin air, leaving a very awkward silence between you for the first time all evening. You mentally cursed yourself, knowing you were the one responsible for it. But you also reminded yourself, This is why you don’t date.

“So, I told you why I moved to Montana. What made you decide to transfer to Big Sky Country?”

You hadn’t expected him to ask that question and when you glanced up at him, you could see the kindness that was beginning to become his trademark staring back at you. He was swerving away from the previous topic and throwing you a lifeline.

“I just needed a change,” you admitted.

Mercifully, he didn’t immediately follow up with “A change from what?” and just nodded. “You like it so far? Outside of things like today I mean?”

You thought it over for a moment. “Yeah. Outside of things like today, I think I do.” You surprised yourself with that statement. You hadn’t really thought about it too much since transferring here. You had only really focused on the job part. You had just been so desperate to get out of New York, to try something different, that you hadn’t really looked before you jumped. And now that you were here and he was asking, it hit you that you hadn’t really taken a moment and thought it over in the four months you’d been here. Montana was certainly different to New York, in many aspects, and you thought the change in the pace of living would drive you nuts. Especially being used to big city life. But truthfully, you found that you much preferred your lifestyle out here compared to what it had been back East. Sure, it wasn’t perfect, Manhattan hadn’t been either, but there was no such thing as perfect — only close to perfect. And right now, studying the man sitting across from you, you knew he fell under that category and despite the heavy weight from work you carried, you felt a little lighter and had a little something resembling hope for the first time since you’d crossed state lines.

Beau crossed his arms and leaned on his elbows. “I feel the same. Took me a little bit, though. Quite the change from Texas, especially in temperature.” He chuckled and your smile widened. “But it’s beautiful up here, the fishing’s great, folks are nice…I had no complaints. And eventually, it started to feel like home.”

You slowly nodded in agreement. “Yeah,” you murmured.

The server appeared then with your coffee. Once you were set up, he left again, giving you both your space.

Beau picked up his cup, getting ready to take a sip. “So, uh, about that case from this morning…”

You placed your cup down and shook your head, chuckling but without any real mirth. “I should’ve known you’d try to pump me for information I can’t give you. No wonder you asked me to dinner then and there. My partner implied as much when I told him.” You were such an idiot. You knew he was attracted to you but you should have known this was going too well to actually be anything more than that and an attempt at getting you to soften up to give him information at the same time. You immediately thought of another reminder for yourself, This is why you don’t date cops.

“What? No.” He gently laid his hand over yours, causing you to look up at him. “That’s not why I asked you to dinner and I’m not asking you for any information. I know you can’t give me more than you already have and I’m not trying to push that.”

“Then why bring it up?”

He went to answer you but then stopped, studying you intently. You weren’t exactly sure what he saw but it had him removing his hand and sitting back, seemingly guarded all of a sudden. “I’m sorry, you’re right. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” He appeared like he wanted to say more but instead, he smiled apologetically. “I told you I’m no good at this,” he quietly chuckled.

“It’s okay,” you reassured, though it felt like anything but. “Let’s just forget it.” You gave him a small smile before sipping your coffee.

His eyes were trained on you and he let out a quiet sigh. “Hoyt was right. I talk too much.”

You involuntarily tensed at the mention of his undersheriff again. That was twice now. Your instincts were screaming at you. “Maybe she’s not a fan but I don’t mind it.” You compulsively swallowed and then asked the question you hadn’t planned on asking for at least a few more dinners, and that was only if you both somehow managed to become serious about this dating thing and he made the impossible happen: changing your mind. “You asked me about my past so it’s only fair I ask about yours.” He nodded in encouragement. “Was there anyone after your divorce?”

He seemed a little surprised but didn’t hold back from answering. “I had some casual dates here and there. None of it really went anywhere, though. If I’m being honest, I was too focused on Em and the move up here to think about getting into anything.”

You nodded, giving it a beat, before you asked the real question you needed an answer to. “So there wasn’t anyone serious? At all?”

Discomfort quickly flitted across his expression and nervousness radiated off of him, answering your question before he verbally could. Disappointment surged within your chest. You should have known. “Just one. After I had settled in.”

You forced your tone to be as neutral as possible, relying on your training. “And?”

“It didn’t work out.”

You shot him a look of disbelief. Obviously, it hadn’t or you both wouldn’t be sitting here right now.

Beau let out a sigh. “Things just got…complicated.”

You nodded, not bothering to ask how or even who he was referring to. You already had a pretty good idea on both.

Staring at you, Beau seemed to contemplate something before elaborating, “Me and Hoyt…we dated for a bit.” And there it was.

You felt as if a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped over you. Your heart fell into the pit of your stomach. You should have known. Rumors, no matter how exaggerated, didn’t start up without some sort of catalyst. Not to mention, her watching you like a hawk while talking to Beau that morning now made sense. You were all cops; if Beau had checked you out at all, no matter how discreetly, Hoyt would have seen it and been less than pleased. Especially, since she appeared to still carry a torch for him; that was more than obvious to you now.

It was a shame. The date had been going mostly well until he dropped that little nugget or harsh truth. While you appreciated his honesty and willingness to be up front with you, and answer your probing questions, you now knew this would never work. The sadness that engulfed you at the thought should not have cut as deeply as it did depending on how little you actually knew this man who you had only met this morning.

“Oh,” you forced out.

“Yeah, but that was some time ago. It’s been done for a while. Like I told you this morning, she’s my undersheriff and a friend, that’s all. Us trying for anything more than that just didn’t end up working out.”

“Obviously.” You gestured at the table, indicating the date you were on.

He laughed, his body relaxing. “Yeah.” He then graced you with a warm smile. “Well, maybe it did in a way.” At your furrowed brows, his smile melted into a smirk and he covered your hand with his once more. “You’re sitting here with me, now.” His thumb began to tenderly stroke your skin and you ignored the chain reaction it set off within you feeling his touch. “So maybe it ended up working out after all,” he murmured.

You gave him a thin-lipped smile. “Yeah,” you whispered, the sadness blooming within your chest. You knew at that moment that if you gave him the greenlight right now, your earlier hesitation before being damned, you could have him in your bed by the night’s end. There was definitely a mutual attraction between you that you definitely could have explored, even if it was just casual fun. But now… Now, the possibility of you and Beau, something fun that wasn’t just a one time thing or something more, had immediately been swiped off the table for you.

And just when you thought things in Montana might work out for you after all.

Beau had just pulled his car to a stop, right behind your parking spot at the station. He turned a smile on you. “There we go.”

You had asked him to bring you back to your car though he offered to drive you home, concern marring his brow when you’d insisted you were sober enough to drive yourself. He didn’t argue but you noticed he purposely took a longer route back to your precinct, which was just agonizing for you. Being in close proximity to the man you were highly attracted to but wanted as far away from as possible at the same time was complete torture. You considered telling him to pull over somewhere you wouldn’t be seen by anyone on the main road and working out the tension you both had along with your frustration, but despite your disappointment at how things had worked out, you couldn’t do that to him. From the little time you’d spent with him, Beau appeared to be a good man and he wouldn’t deserve you doing that to him. You knew he’d enjoy himself as well, sure, but then you insisting things stay professional between you afterwards, insinuating you were just there for one round of casual sex and that you had basically used him — well, he wouldn’t deserve that. Had this been someone like Taylor, you could have easily done that with a clear conscience, but not to Beau. So you kept your hands to yourself, stayed quiet, and stared out the window at the passing dark landscape.

Beau had tried to make conversation a few times and you answered him, but it was the bare minimum. He had even tried to start up the teasing banter again once or twice but you never took the bait. You felt bad but it was best to close this up now rather than let the man have hope for something that could never be.

So once Beau stopped the car, you had to keep yourself from vaulting out of it and getting as far away as you could. Instead, you undid your seat belt, desperate to end this quickly but as kindly and respectfully as possible. “Thank you for dinner. You were right. That was the best steak I’ve had in a long time. You sure know your beef.”

“Us Texas cowboys always do,” he teased. His smile grew and you could see the hope coming to life behind it. You hated to see it, knowing you would soon be crushing it. Your heart cracked slightly when he picked up your hand, kissing the back of it in a manner that you’d only seen in movies. The feel of his lips on your skin sent an involuntary shiver down your spine.

You felt him smile against your hand. “Cold?” He murmured.

“A little,” you lied. “Still not used to the temperature, I guess.”

“I know that feeling all too well.” He released your hand and turned on the heat, adjusting the vents in your direction. He then picked up both of your hands, bringing them up to his face and gently blew hot air into your palms, causing another shiver. This time, thankfully, he didn’t remark on it and there was no smug smirk. Instead, he began to rub your hands in between his, trying to warm you up. “I should’ve brought a jacket,” he muttered. “Or insisted you grab yours.”

“It’s fine,” you whispered. “I have to adjust to the Montana weather at some point, I guess.”

Beau chuckled. “Yeah but not like this.”

“I’ll be fine. The heat in my car was working this morning and I’m a straight shot across town where I’ll be stepping into a warm house.”

He continued rubbing your hands, his eyes meeting yours. “You live across town?”

You nodded.

“Sweetheart, why didn’t you mention that? I could have dropped you right off and given you a ride back here in the morning.”

You softened at the nickname before your eyes narrowed. “What, you thought you’d be spending the night? Wow, presumptuous much?” You didn’t mention how you had been afraid the entire date that that very thing might happen if you invited him back to your place.

He gave you his winning smile. “Not what I meant, darlin’.”

You rolled your eyes and gently pulled your hands out of his, rubbing at your left one and focusing on it. “You’ve got all sorts of nicknames for the ladies, don’t you?” You muttered.

You felt him tenderly cup your chin and he brought your eyes back over to his. You could feel yourself falling into the depths of those green orbs that studied you so intently. “I’d really like to see you again,” he murmured. “Y/N,” he added for good measure with the hint of a teasing smirk.

You gave him a sad smile and gently moved his hand away from you. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

His smirk dropped and his brows began to furrow. “I'm not sure I understand. I thought—”

You scrambled for a way to explain that wouldn’t invite too many questions. “I’m just not looking for anything serious right now. And honestly, I think you are.”

The confusion on his bearded face intensified. “Then why did you say yes to the date?”

You shrugged. “Truthfully, I was hoping we could have something casual and I thought maybe that’s what you’d want as well, just to have some fun without any strings, something light, but now…”

He watched you, his eyes moving back and forth over your features, trying to assess what exactly had gone wrong here. You kept your poker face on, thankful for that one part of your job you had been able to hone over the years. Sure enough, disappointment began to spread over his expression. “I thought we had a really nice time. That we were on the same page.”

“So did I,” you admitted sadly. Until we weren’t. “But we just aren’t.” You pretended you didn’t see his face fall at that or the wall he immediately put back up after until a stony expression was all that looked back at you. “Look, I did have a nice time. A really nice time. Thank you for showing me some of what Helena has to offer.” You gave him a kind smile at the callback to your conversation from that morning and you weren’t surprised when he didn’t smile back. Not this time. Possibly not ever again. Another part of you was saddened that you had pretty much ruined any chance of you becoming friends, never mind lovers. But you just couldn’t do that to yourself again. You wouldn’t, even for a great guy like Beau.

You knew you shouldn’t do it but you couldn’t resist; this would be your only chance. You leaned in and quickly kissed him on the cheek. You felt his arms start to move, almost as if to circle around you and pull you in closer, but you hurriedly moved back into your seat before he could. “I guess I’ll see you around. Good night, Beau.”

His eyes stayed trained on you. “Get home safe,” he gruffed out.

Your smile widened at his kindness. “You, too.”

You stepped out of the car, noting that he didn’t rush to get out to open your door for you like he had earlier in the evening. That might have to do with the stone cold expression he still wore that faded into shock and disappointment when he thought you could no longer see him. You got into your car and started it, giving him a wave when he didn’t immediately move. A moment later, his car pulled away from yours and you watched as he slowly rolled out of the parking lot onto the main road. Once he disappeared out of sight, you let out a heavy breath and dropped your face into your hands.

You liked Beau, he seemed like a good man and he even seemed good for you. But the past relationship with Hoyt that he had admitted to you had you hitting the eject button as fast as you could. No matter how easy and promising things had seemed between you before that little bomb dropped. Had he owned up to it this morning when he asked you out, you would have never said yes to him. You’d been there before and you had no interest in going through any of that again. That particular scar still stung even though it had been quite a while since that pain had been inflicted on you.

Speaking of which, Beau had been right; you should have said no when he asked you out. You took a deep breath, silently cursing yourself for being so stupid as to accept the date. What had you been thinking? That you’d get a friends with benefits situation going with the man? Or that you’d somehow magically be willing to enter into something serious when you knew deep down you couldn’t? Not only that, but you should have known from the way Hoyt looked at Beau at the crime scene this morning that there was something between them. You should have immediately known the second her possessive attitude appeared. He may have claimed that they were done and it was in the past for him, but that didn’t mean it was for Hoyt. And if she wanted to resume things between them, pick up where they left off before it got too complicated, it would only be a matter of time… You shook the thought from your mind and took another deep breath, blowing it out past your lips in a steady stream of air.

Once you felt centered enough to be able to focus, you put the car in reverse and started the drive home, intent on putting Beau Arlen and another date that ended in disaster behind you.

You watched as Jack leaned forward, placing his hands on the table, staring down the man currently sitting across from you both.

“So, you’re telling me that you were nowhere near the Hartmans’ the night before last?”

“No, sir,” the young man insisted.

Your jaw tensed but you kept your face carefully blank. Sure enough, the kid’s coffee-colored eyes briefly flickered in your direction before settling back on your partner.

Earlier this morning, not too long after you had arrived for your shift, Ava Russell, Amelia Hartman’s sister, had marched into the precinct, towing along Madison, the couple’s daughter. You hadn’t seen either of them since you had spoken to them at the Hartmans’ home yesterday, after the latter had discovered the grisly scene of her parents’ deaths as a result of what appeared to be a home invasion gone badly. The older woman demanded to speak to you and Jack right then and there.

Your heart went out to the young girl almost immediately when you spotted her bloodshot eyes surrounded by puffy and blotchy-red skin. Even as she looked at you, her eyes were brimming once more with unshed tears.

“Ms. Russell, how can we help?” Jack asked kindly.

Before he could finish getting the words out, Ava turned to Madison and said sternly, “You need to tell them.”

Madison’s eyes overflowed once more and she sniffled, wiping her cheeks. “Aunt Ava, I don’t know if I should,” she whimpered. “What if I’m wrong?”

“Then he’ll be cleared,” Ava snapped. “But you need to tell them.”

Madison let out a sob and dropped her face into her hands. Ava looked as if she was about to bark at the girl again, so you quickly stepped in, laying a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulder. It wasn’t uncommon to see something happening like this after such a case as this one. Emotions were running high, they’d barely had time to process the two unexpected deaths, their thoughts most likely were turning over and over with memories of Everett and Amelia, wanting to know who had taken them from this world and so brutally — all of it. Ava loved her niece, that much was evident from what you’d seen the day before, but both women were most likely near their breaking points, even if they might be on different ends of the emotional spectrum at the moment. The best thing you could do to help was to listen to what needed to be said, to placate Ava and let her know you were absolutely taking her sister and brother-in-law’s case seriously, and to soothe Madison who had been through more than enough in the last twenty four hours. Not to mention, any investigator worth their salt would be willing to hear whatever Maddie had to say, even if she herself thought she was wrong, whatever it might be. You never know what form a break in the case might show up in.

“Hey, Maddie,” you spoke softly. “How about you and I find a quiet place to sit down and talk? Would that be alright?”

She sniffled again and turned to glance up at you.

“I’ll come with you,” Ava insisted, ready to march her niece down the hallway towards the interrogation rooms herself.

“Actually,” Jack smoothly intervened. “Ms Russell, if you don’t mind, maybe you can stay here with me and answer a few more questions. Maddie will be fine with Detective Y/L/N. She’s in good hands.”

Ava had a knowing expression on her face and her eyes landed on your encouraging nod, making her sigh. “Sure. But, Maddie, you need to tell them everything,” she ordered, this time with a gentler but still firm tone.

Maddie gave her aunt a subtle nod, wiping her cheeks again, and you turned a kind smile on her. “Let’s go see if we can find a quiet room, okay?”

“Okay,” Maddie choked out.

You had led the strawberry blonde-haired teenager down the hall and into one of the free rooms. You made sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed before you sat down to hear what she had to tell you. And by the end of it, you had a feeling you might be thanking Ava for pushing her niece to come in if this was indeed the break in the case you and Jack had been looking for.

Maddie had a boyfriend, Dylan Carter, who she met last semester and who happened to be a few years older than her — something she hadn’t shared the day before with you or Jack when you’d asked. It turned out that he wasn’t a student at the university she attended but he lived locally off-campus. They had met at a party one night and things took off from there. She had been seeing him pretty steadily since then and they had gotten serious. So serious in fact that Maddie had brought Dylan home for a bit once classes let out for the summer. To say Everett and Amelia Hartman were unimpressed was an understatement.

After observing the two lovebirds up close and personal, both parents wanted Maddie to move on from the relationship and focus on the path ahead of her. They reminded her she was young and had so many opportunities at her fingertips, just waiting to be taken. Maddie hadn’t been happy about their opinions and it had caused arguments between her and her parents, but when you pushed a little further, you eventually got the whole story behind the Hartmans’ immediate dislike of her boyfriend.

They were convinced that Dylan was controlling and manipulative towards her, and they wanted him out of her life. He could be a sly charmer in public, very charismatic even, but privately, it was a whole other matter. He didn’t want her going anywhere or seeing anyone without him present. He had become possessive, overly jealous, and demanding. He even would put her down and call her names, tell her how stupid she was or how ugly she looked, and advised her that she should feel lucky that he chose to be with her, that he loved her that much.

Classic emotionally abusive behavior: suss out their vulnerabilities, strip them down until they’re nothing and easily controlled, and you’ll be in control of them. Sadly, it was no surprise to you that Maddie had kept her relationship with Dylan a secret from you and Jack. You’d seen it several times before in cases you worked, even back when you’d been working the beat as a patrol officer. Just like you discovered in Homicide, there were way too many methods that people could employ to hurt others, way too many ways that innocents could be preyed upon by predators of various natures, all of them having diverse motives. It was something that you (and all cops truthfully) learned early on in your career. It was even why some of you joined the force, yourself included. To protect and serve — it wasn’t just a motto painted on the side of a patrol car to you.

You had paused the writing on your notepad when Maddie told you about an incident that had taken place only a few weeks ago. She and Dylan had gotten into another heated argument, this time over her disobeying him by going out to dinner with a girlfriend while he had been working. The argument escalated to Dylan wrapping his hand around her throat and pushing her into the wall. He had tightened his grip when she clawed at his hand and she had been terrified. He threatened her and let her go but not before he promised that if she ever did something like that again, she’d be sorry. That incident had frightened her so badly that she had snuck a phone call to her mom after he had fallen asleep. All she had running through her mind was what if he hadn’t let go of her? What if she’d never see her parents again, or her friends? What if he had squeezed too hard? What if he’d done worse? What if he killed her, even just accidentally? He regularly grabbed her, left bruises around her wrists and forearms, even squeezed her thighs and knees in death grips when he would drive, but never had he gone this far before.

Naturally, Amelia panicked and woke Everett. They immediately made the three hour drive to pick up their daughter, not caring in the least about what could be done for classes. She could transfer for all they cared but they wanted their daughter safely away from the abusive asshole who’d had the nerve to put his hands on her, with the intent to harm her. Something Everett told Dylan when they’d faced off while Amelia rushed Maddie out of his apartment and down to the car. The older man hadn’t missed the light marks forming on Maddie’s neck even though he’d already known what happened since Maddie had told Amelia. Her parents had wanted to contact law enforcement, take out a restraining order, but she pleaded with them not to. Eventually, she was able to persuade them, promising she’d stay away from Dylan for good.

That promise didn’t last that long. She had returned home with her parents as they’d requested, luckily being able to take some classes online, while Amelia kept posing the possibility of a transfer to somewhere closer to home at the end of the semester. Everything seemed to be settling into place though things had been terrifying that one night, and she was doing her best to cope with the new changes in her life. And of course, Dylan kept sending her apology texts, lonesome Snapchats, and left her tearful and pleading voicemails. He claimed he truly loved her, loved her so much that it drove him crazy. He never meant to hurt her, he just got jealous and he lost his head, but he would never really hurt her, yada, yada, yada. You’d heard all of those excuses before and you began to see what direction this story was about to take.

Sure enough, Maddie had started to sneak out to meet with him when he told her he was in town and desperately needed to see her. She lied to her parents about catching up with a friend who was taking a gap year and still living at home. Amelia seemed nervous to let her out the door but eventually, she gave in and just asked that Maddie stay safe, keep in touch — easy enough to agree to at her nineteen years of age. Everett had told her to call him if she needed him to pick her up or for anything at all. The two were none the wiser. And Ava hadn’t known about the scary incident with Dylan or anything after that whatsoever; not until Maddie had told her the night prior and then the older woman insisted she come in this morning to tell you everything.

One night about a week ago, Maddie met up with Dylan, and of course, he had been in a sour mood. He wanted her to move back, to move in with him, but she said she couldn’t. When he got angry, pressing her and then insisting she must not really love him, she panicked and said she couldn’t because of her parents. Maddie began to cry, recounting this moment to you, and her regret was palpable. It was obvious she believed she might be responsible for what happened to her parents even though she still couldn’t accept that Dylan would ever hurt them. He loved her after all, and to hurt them like that would hurt her. Surely, he understood that.

You pressed your lips together for a moment, choosing not to respond to that thought, and gently prompted her to tell you what happened next.

“He said ‘So, it’s your parents then? That’s why we can’t be together?’ Not really thinking and just wanting to end the argument, I told him yeah, that was why.”

“And what did he say to that?” You asked her.

Her eyes began to brim with additional tears, spilling over onto her cheeks. “He asked me,” she choked out. “‘If your parents weren’t a problem, would you be with me then?’” She began to sob, placing her face into her hands. “I told him yes but only because I wanted him to stop. I never meant to—” Her crying increased and you felt horrible for her but you still needed to do your job. The only thing you could offer in that moment was quiet kindness, silent support, and a box of tissues.

She took the box from you and sobbed out a thank you. You gave her a minute or so to collect herself but you had to prompt her to get the rest of the information.

“Maddie, where is Dylan now?”

Her wet eyes snapped up to you in alarm, almost looking fearful, and she rushed out, “You’re not going to arrest him, are you?”

You had answered that as diplomatically yet vaguely as you could. It took some coaxing on your part, but eventually she told you where he was staying. Here in town still. Of course. There was no way he was going to leave the object of his dangerous obsession, the toy he liked to exert his control over. Obviously, you kept those thoughts to yourself.

“Have you spoken to him since yesterday?”

She nodded, wiping a tissue under her nose. “Yeah.”

“So you told him about what happened to your parents?”

“Yeah,” she whimpered.

“And what was his response?”

Maddie’s eyes watered again but she managed to get out, “He told me he was really sorry, that he hated that I had found them like that, and he wanted to be there for me.” You got the sense there was more to it than that so you pushed.

“And?”

“And,” she whispered brokenly. “He said ‘I know how sad you are but just think, we can be together now. No one’s standing in our way.’” She burst into tears once more and you let out a quiet breath, writing down what she’d said. Not a confession by any means, but it certainly now made Dylan Carter a person of interest in your eyes. It was something you and Jack definitely needed to look into and pronto. And somehow you had to convince Maddie to take out a restraining order, something you hoped you could have Ava assist you with. She had listened to her aunt about coming in, maybe she’d listen about safeguarding her safety as well. You wanted nothing more than to comfort the girl but you had to do what you’d been brought onto this case to do and see through this investigation. You had gotten too personal, too caught up in emotions once before, and you couldn’t— You briefly closed your eyes in pain, feeling the weight of the necklace around your neck, but you forced yourself to focus. You had a job to do and that was to get justice for the Hartmans and by extension, their daughter, while also protecting her. You had a new lead, a possible motive — time to get cracking.

So here you and Jack were, sitting in another interrogation room with Dylan across from you, giving you both a mix of a bright smile and a cocky smirk. You knew without a doubt that you had your guy but you had to see the process through to make sure no stone was left unturned.

Dylan had been exactly where Maddie said he’d be and he didn’t appear to be worried by Jack’s pounding on his door or your request that he accompany you to the station to be questioned. Nor did he seem fazed by the presence of two Helena PD officers behind you, at the ready and each having one hand near their handcuffs in case the word lawyer was used, the other near their holster in case he made a move. He could try to refuse but there was really no room for refusal. And now that he had denied being anywhere near the victims’ home the other night, locking himself into his story, you were going to show him why there wasn’t.

“Are you sure that you weren’t anywhere near the Hartman home the other night? Say around 11:30?” You asked.

“Yes, ma’am. Like I told you, I was at my friend’s. We watched the hockey game, drank a few beers, then I crashed on his couch. I was a little too drunk to drive if I’m being honest.” He tried to give you his most charming smile but you weren’t buying a single shred of the act.

“So not at all?” You repeated.

“No, ma’am,” he insisted.

You glanced over to Jack who gave you a subtle nod. “Well then, we have a problem, Mr. Carter.” You picked up your phone, pulled up the file Stephens had sent you, hit the play button, and turned it around to show the son of a bitch.

He watched the scene unfold that you and Jack had watched before heading out to pick him up. A dark Toyota Corolla pulled up in front of a house two spots away from the Hartman house, coming to a slow stop. When the engine was turned off, it was a good minute before he got out and closed his door; you chalked that up to him checking the area before getting out. You then watched as he made his way down the sidewalk of the quiet street, stopping in front of the Hartman property, turned, and approached the house, slipping out of sight of the camera. Dylan had only put his hoodie up and had never looked around to see if the neighbors had any doorbell cameras, and like an overly confident jackass, he had pulled right in front of the house that not only had a doorbell camera but also a garage one, and his image was all too clear for anyone to see, plain as day.

You could see his jaw tensing but he kept his face tightly controlled. You stopped the video and placed your phone down. Jack had his arms crossed and his stare at Dylan never wavered. “That’s you, Mr. Carter.” You pointed to the device. “Pulling up to a neighbor’s house close to the timeframe that the Medical Examiner has estimated that the victims were killed. You then got out of your vehicle and approached the Hartman home. You were not seen leaving until approximately an hour later. You were there the night they died. So as I said, we have a problem.”

“That proves nothing,” he ground out.

“Nothing?” You turned to look at Jack in feigned shock before turning back to the younger man. “You lied about being at the scene the night of the murders. You are on camera arriving on scene. How does that prove nothing?”

“That’s not me,” he snapped. “You can’t tell who that is.”

You watched him for a moment. “It is you, Mr. Carter. And I’m willing to bet that if we find that hoodie, the victims’ blood will be all over it, won’t it?” You challenged.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You arched a brow over at him but remained quiet, allowing your partner to attempt to seal the deal, to push him off of the edge of that bubble he was currently riding on. You didn’t see a confession coming, not from this sadistic prick, but you had to take the chance that he might fold in the face of some of the evidence already gathered against him.

“Here’s your chance to come clean, man,” Jack offered. “To tell us what really happened that night. Maybe you only meant to scare them, talk to them, convince them why their daughter should give you another chance. Maybe something went horribly wrong and you reacted. And maybe after that, you panicked.”

Dylan’s eyes snapped up and you could see the angry edge to his now darker brown gaze. You had him and he knew it. “I’d like to talk to that lawyer now.” The good old L word. You wished you could say you were surprised that he would have opted for that instead of admitting what he had done, but you weren’t. Not much surprised you anymore when it came to these types of cases, especially with these types of perps. There was no remorse in those eyes.

You gathered up your papers, phone, and got to your feet along with Jack. “Sure thing,” you said sweetly, giving him a strained smile and turning to leave the room. You opened the door and indicated to Officer Morris who had been standing sentry nearby, waiting. He gave you a nod and he made his way past you into the room. He ordered Dylan to stand up and put his hands behind his back, causing the latter to scoff and demand a lawyer even more firmly, saying he was being falsely accused and that he didn’t do anything. Morris asked him again to stand up and this time, Officer Lewis had also stepped into the room. Lewis reminded you of a wrestler you’d once seen on TV years ago, some guy named Austin or something; he was that big and intimidating looking, not that Morris was any slouch himself. Dylan wisely got to his feet and did as requested.

“You’re under arrest for the murders of Everett Hartman and Amelia Hartman,” Jack began as Morris cuffed Dylan. He read him his Miranda rights and once he was finished, Morris led Dylan out the door.

You watched as he passed you by, not looking away once even when he glared at you. Just as he was about to cross the threshold, he stopped and got a sick-looking smile on his face, whispering to you, “She’s mine, you know? We’re going to be together. Nothing is going to keep us apart now. She’s mine.”

You wanted to punch him, to tell him that Maddie or any other person on this planet would never be his, that he was going to rot in jail for the rest of his life and you’d personally see to it — but you kept your cool, your training kicking in, and you kept your features carefully schooled into a neutral expression. Plus, you refused to give him any of the reaction he was looking for. He had already taken too much from Maddie and her parents, Ava and their loved ones, and from what you’d found out about the victims during your investigation, the community. He had shattered Maddie’s world and it would be a very difficult road ahead for her but at least she was now safe from this monster.

“Let’s go.” Morris pushed Dylan forward and Lewis was right there to give him a hand. You continued staring after them as they made their way down the hall and disappeared around the corner.

“You okay?” Jack asked, next to you.

You turned to look at him, your brows furrowed. “Yeah, why?”

He inclined his head towards your chest and you only just realized that you had pulled your necklace out and been moving the pendant back and forth on the chain. You had no idea when or why you’d done that; you only hoped that you hadn’t done that in front of Dylan and the officers.

You cleared your throat and placed the pendant back inside your shirt. “I’m fine, thanks though.”

Jack nodded. “Bit of a rough case.”

You huffed out a breath. “Bit of an understatement.”

“True.” Jack gestured for you to walk down the hall to your squad room first. “But the important thing is she’s now safe.”

“As long as he doesn’t get bail,” you muttered.

Jack shook his head. “You think you could stop being the Bad News Bears for one minute? Take the win, Y/L/N.” He passed you and entered the room, plopping his notepad onto his desk. “Besides, I doubt he’s going to get bail. We’ve got him on video. The DA will use it and make a good argument.”

Jack had a point but so did you. “The girl’s parents are dead. She believes she’s the one that caused their deaths. How is that a win? For anyone?” You placed your things on your desk and turned around to lean against it, crossing your arms.

Jack gave you a look but sat down in his chair. “We just closed up a case literally before we hit the forty eight hour mark. We’ve got him on the Ring camera footage from the neighbor, we’ve got him on traffic cams driving to and from the house near the approximate time of death, he’s got the motive, he flat out lied about being at the scene, he’s obviously got a screw loose from what he just said in there to you that’s on camera. We’re getting warrants for his friend’s place and for the tracking of the friend’s car. The sister was able to convince the daughter to take out a restraining order so it’s on record — it’s an open and shut case. A win, Y/N. What more do you want?”

For the bastard to pay. Immediately dismissing that thought and masterfully keeping a tight lid on your emotions, you mulled over it. What more did you want? You couldn’t be quite sure other than that you wished this hadn’t happened in the first place, like with every single case as of late. Every single case since… You briefly fingered at the fabric covering the pendant around your neck. Jack was right; this was pretty much an open and shut case, and Maddie was now safe. Ava was even taking your suggestion to get the girl into therapy as soon as possible. You should take the win. You gave him a nod and turned to sit down at your desk.

“Well, well, well,” Taylor began as he walked in, making your eyes roll as soon as you heard his voice. “If it isn’t my favorite lady detective.”

“Well, well, well,” you echoed. “If it isn’t the pain in my dick coming back. Could’ve sworn the doc gave me something for it but here you are, again. Gonna have to tell her that the creams aren’t working so I need something stronger.”

Jack hissed out a laugh and Stephens rolled his eyes, passing by you both to get to his desk. “Can’t you two play nice for one damn day?” He grumbled.

Riley Taylor was a few years younger than you, had just moved into Homicide two years before you transferred here, and was a perpetual pain in your ass. What he lacked in tact he more than made up for in his pursuit to drive you up a wall on the daily. The blond-haired detective thought he was slick, charismatic, and overall wanted by every single female in a ten foot radius. Guess who was the only female that worked within a ten foot radius of him during the week? Yep, you got that honor…though you knew it was more of a curse.

Sure, he had pursued you the first few weeks you’d been out here, probably just happy at the prospect of having a woman to talk at instead of the wall since Jack and Stephens mostly ignored him. You’d politely declined, trying to be professional, civil, compassionate — and then you’d flat out turned him down when he took your response as a green flag to continue his pursuit. Suffice to say, things had turned downright ugly between you two and the animosity was at an all-time high. He wasn’t a bad guy per se, and you could work together if you had to, but he definitely got on your nerves pretty often. If there was a bane of your existence in this precinct, it was most assuredly him.

Mark Stephens was his partner, a middle-aged man with mostly gray hair and a bushy mustache to boot. He had been in Homicide longer than you, Jack, and Taylor put together though for some reason he had been passed over for Captain in favor of Anderson. The rumor was that it was due to his age while others claimed it was because the Chief couldn’t stand him. Stephens took a very no-nonsense approach to everything he did, even outside of the job. Jack told you that the last time a smile had been spotted on Stephens’ face was back in 1993 when the Toronto Blue Jays had won the World Series for the second time. By the time the World Series was supposed to roll around again the following year, the smile had all but slipped into legend. Jack also warned you that you’d have a better chance of finding the Holy Grail than ever hearing Stephens laugh.

You could almost understand why Taylor enjoyed provoking you rather than dealing with Stephens all the time…almost. You didn’t think Stephens was that bad and you respected his experience and how he handled himself on the job. You also couldn’t help but feel some compassion for the man. He’d been around for how many years, seeing how many murders? You thought your squad and the whole damn precinct needed to cut him some slack.

“Oh, I’d like to get along with her, alright,” Taylor teased, wiggling his eyebrows at you as he continued to his desk.

“And just like that, I feel the sudden impulse to trade waxes for cement.”

Taylor halted in his tracks, frozen mid-air above his chair, his eyes wide. “You get waxed? Are we talking bikini waxes or…?”

“Alright, alright,” Jack interrupted, flashing a look between you both. “Let’s keep it PG in here for Christ’s sake.”

“Amen,” Stephens mumbled, already clicking away at his mouse.

“She brought it up,” Taylor argued. “Listen, I’m a simple man and I can only take so much.”

“You’re simple, alright,” you muttered, turning to open your drawer on the left side of your desk.

“You wish you had a piece of this, Y/L/N,” Taylor threw out there.

You whipped your head around so fast, you were surprised you hadn’t hurt your neck with the action. “Oh, you mean like a super tiny bite-sized piece?”

“I mean, if you want to bite…I’m game.”

You scoffed in disgust and turned back to your computer. You had work to do; the asshole could go into the men’s bathroom and play with himself if he was that hard up for some entertainment. The way you’d heard it, it certainly wouldn’t be the first time.

A throat clearing nearby broke into your thoughts. “Hi.”

Your eyes shot up in disbelief, having heard a familiar voice in front of you that you hadn’t thought you would hear anytime soon, if ever again. Sure enough, there stood Sheriff Beau Arlen, hat in hand, facing your desk, his eyes intent on you. You hadn’t heard or seen him come in. “Hi,” you breathed out in surprise.

Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed your fellow detectives turning to watch the scene happening in front of them. Except Stephens; the older man could care less.

You marveled at how good Beau looked. Once again, you felt the pangs of disappointment when you remembered why you couldn’t go there, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t enjoy the feast your eyes were currently being served. You stared a little too long and Beau smiled to himself, his gaze dropping to the ground before meeting yours again, the unabashed desire deep within those green orbs while at the same time, his cheeks appeared to be a single shade darker. Somehow, the contradicting reactions made him look even more appealing to the naked eye. Naked. You tilted your head slightly as that word rolled around in your head, causing your teeth to subconsciously dig into your bottom lip. You bet he’d look just as good as he did with his clothes on, perhaps even better…

Jack loudly cleared his throat and it thankfully shook you out of your very unprofessional thought track. You got your mind out of the gutter and you snapped back into professional mode immediately, ignoring your partner’s quiet sniggering. “What are you doing here?” You asked the man in front of you.

Beau gave you one of his infamous smiles. “Well, Detective Y/L/N, I was hoping we could have a quick word.” He quickly glanced around the room, taking in all of the eyes on both of you, before elaborating, “About the case from yesterday.”

Your heart immediately sunk in your chest. Of course. You weren’t allowed to be disappointed, though. You were the one who had insisted on things remaining professional between you and nothing more.

Jack’s head snapped up and he turned narrow eyes on the sheriff, glancing back and forth between you two with immediate suspicion. Even though Jack had asked you how the date went the night before, you had simply told him it hadn’t worked out but didn’t give any details. Before he could ask why, Maddie and her aunt had arrived. So you weren’t surprised when Jack watched you both like a hawk in this moment, especially with Beau mentioning that case and so openly.

Before you could answer him, a knock on the open door had you all looking over to find Officer Hutchinson standing there, his gaze trained on you and Jack. “Anderson wants you to see you two in his office,” he gestured to you both. “Right now.” The man vanished before you could say a word in response.

Your brows furrowed as you exchanged a look with Jack, hoping like hell it wasn’t any bad news, or worse: the string of murders from your serial continuing.

You glanced over at Beau as you got to your feet, noticing a fleeting look of guilt as he slipped his hat back onto his head. Your heart sunk even further. Maybe last night had really been an attempt to get information out of you all along. How could you have been so blind?

“Called to the boss’ office,” Taylor teased from his desk. “Wonder what that could be about. Maybe he’s finally going to partner us up, Y/L/N. About damn time, wouldn’t you say?”

You rolled your eyes and grabbed a notepad and pen, resisting the urge to flip him off. He certainly gave your middle finger a daily workout, that’s one thing you could say for him. “The day that happens is the day I will happily go back to traffic duty.”

“No need for that. Not when I’ve got something you can check on the regular instead.”

You clenched your fingers around your pen and your jaw tensed as you fought not to say something smart back. You couldn’t believe he had said something like that in front of someone who wasn’t in this unit or even this precinct. What a dickhead. Well, if anything, Taylor was building his own sexual harassment lawsuit against him. The one bright spot in the everyday torture he inflicted on you daily.

“More like break and then remove, but whatever,” you muttered. You ignored Taylor’s guffaw and walked around your desk, coming to a stop in front of Beau.

Beau looked unhappy and that guilt was back again in full force. “I’m sorry we didn’t get to talk first. Maybe we can have a quick word after the meeting.” At your tensing due to hearing him knowing about the meeting, your suspicions confirmed, he laid a gentle hand on your upper arm. “I’ll see you in there and we’ll talk after,” he assured you in a quiet murmur, squeezing your arm before dropping his hand. It surprised you when Beau then turned a blatant glare in Taylor’s direction before heading out the door. You had never seen that glare on his face before and from the look of it, you hoped you never did, especially directed at you.

Taylor snorted and sneered over at you. “Your boyfriend get jealous or something, Y/L/N? He should be.”

This time, you didn’t fight the urge and promptly flipped him off. Jack gestured for you to join him and you ignored Taylor’s resounding laughter as you two left the room.

In the hallway, Jack muttered to you, “I thought last night was just a date.”

Your jaw tensed. “I thought so, too.”

“Did you talk about the case at all?”

You stopped in your tracks and turned a scowl on him. “Let’s get one thing straight here, Darcy. I know we’ve only been partners for four months but I am a goddamn professional. What? You think some good looking guy makes eyes at me and my brain turns to mush and I forget everything I have worked for? That I’m that fucking stupid? Think again,” you snarled.

Jack held up his hands placatingly. “Relax. That’s not what I’m saying. I only meant, did he bring up the case?”

You let out a breath. “Yeah. Once.” You raised your chin a little, daring him to challenge you on this next part. “But I shut it right down.”

Your partner nodded and held out his arm in front of you, gesturing for you to continue your trek. You did but only after eyeing him severely, giving him the most withering look you could.

“Is that why it didn’t work out?”

“Among other things,” you snapped, not wanting to talk about any of that right now.

Jack gave you another nod and remained quiet the rest of the short walk to your captain’s office. Once you reached the door with the frosted pane of glass bearing the name “Captain James Anderson” in gold letters, Jack gently touched your elbow to stop your progress. “Alright, listen. When we’re in there, let me do the talking.” At your fresh glare, he hurried to add, “Whether you like it or not, I’ve known Anderson longer and whatever firing squad we’re possibly facing in there, I can grab his ear and get him to listen. Especially with Sheriff Loverboy in there now.”

Your eyes widened. Was Darcy trying to push you over the edge? Or get you arrested for homicide? “Are you suggesting that I—”

“No,” he rushed out. “Of course not. I’m saying you need to keep an eye out. You got a good look at his body language last night.” At the fury filling your eyes, Jack assured, “Professionally speaking. You got a pretty good read on him so you know what to look for. Y/N, we need to have each other’s backs in there, alright? We don’t want to lose this case. Not when we’ve fought so hard to keep it.”

He gave you a meaningful look and you unclenched your jaw, sighing, and gave him a curt nod. Jack was right. Not only did you need to be sharp in there but you both had been on this case from the very beginning. You’d be damned if you’d let anyone take you off of it or try to push you out.

After a moment, Jack knocked on the door. “Come in,” Anderson called out.

You took a deep breath and smoothed out your features, giving Jack another nod to let him know you were ready. He returned it and opened the door, allowing you to walk through first. You froze at the threshold. Your body tensed and it took everything you had to keep the shock and ensuing anger off of your face.

Sitting in front of Anderson’s desk was Hoyt, smirking up at you, and the sheriff who had taken you out last night, who had asked to talk to you just a few minutes ago. Beau’s eyes sought yours but you refused to meet his gaze. Instead, you kept your eyes on the smug blonde seated next to him.

If you had any doubts about your decision from the night before, they had all but evaporated into thin air after spotting the woman in front of you. You remembered Beau’s words from last night. “Things just got…complicated.” Seeing Hoyt’s smirk grow the longer you stood there and noticing Beau fidgeting next to her out of your peripherals, you actually found yourself agreeing with his sentiments. Complicated sure was a nice way of putting it.

A/N: Please let me know what you think. 👉👈

#beau arlen x reader #beau arlen x female reader #beau arlen x you #beau arlen x y/n #beau x reader #beau x female reader #beau x you #beau x y/n #beau arlen #big sky fanfiction #beau arlen fanfiction #the ghosts are coming for you chapter 2

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redgoldsparks · 1 month

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April Reading and Reviews by Maia Kobabe

I post my reviews throughout the month on Storygraph and Goodreads, and do roundups here and on patreon. Reviews below the cut.

Mammoths at the Gates by Nghi Vo, read by Cindy Kay

Cleric Chih returns home to the Singing Hills Abbey after years of wandering and collecting stories. They are shocked to see two war mammoths and a squad of soldiers at the gates, camped out and demanding something. But the Abbey is nearly empty- almost all clerics left on a mission to preserve the history of a nearby destroyed town. And the title of Acting Divine has fallen on unlikely shoulders- one of Chih's childhood friends. Now a difficult decision will be left in under-prepared hands. This might be my favorite installment of the series yet!

Bad Dream by Nicole Maines and Rye Hickman

Nia is a trans teen living on earth, but her mother is from another world. Nia may or may not be able to tell the future, a power her sister desperately craves. But the real magic she finds in this story is trans community and friendship! The dream sequences and the queer ballroom scene in this book particularly shine; the story would probably have hit me harder if I'd seen the TV show Nia debuted in, but I haven't. Do check this out if you are familiar with Dreamer on the Supergirl TV show.

Spear by and read by Nicola Griffith (re-listen)

I loved Nicola Griffith Hild, and was highly anticipating this one; it did not disappoint! I listened to the audiobook was completely drawn into the lyrical language and the magic of this Arthurian legend retelling. The story opens with a girl born and raised in a wild valley by a mother who is sometimes loving, wise, and overflowing with stories and other times depressed, fearful, and vacant. The girl knows that something terrible happened to her mother in the past; it has something to do with her birth and the beautiful enamel bowl that sits over the fire in the cave they shelter in. But the girl is too delighted by the world, and too curious about the plants, animals, and humans who live in the valley to dwell on it. She grows in strength and skill; visions and gut feelings draw her to collect armor and repair weapons, and eventually set out south towards King Arthur's court. There she stumbles into a story that was started long before she was born, but in which she will play a vital part. I absolutely loved this, it's deeply queer, and I highly recommend it! Re-listened in 2024 and enjoyed it all over again.

The Empress of Salt and Fortune by Nghi Vo, read by Cindy Kay (re-listen)

Beautiful, mysterious, queer, and surprisingly moving for such a short story. I listened to the audiobook (which is only 2.5 hours) and I was riveted the whole time. Chih, a nonbinary traveling cleric-historian, is on the way to the capital city to record the beginning of the new Empress's reign. But with the coming of the new ruler, many historical sites which had previously been sealed are now re-opened. Chih can't resist a stop at Lake Scarlet, where the previous Empress lived for a brief time in exile. Chih finds one last living servant of the previous Empress still tending the house, and they begin learning more and more stories and secrets about the exile. I highly recommend this story, and the audiobook in particular. Re-listened in 2024, and this time was able to even more full appreciate the twists and turns of this story. It's quite subtle and rewards a second listen.

Homebody by Theo Parish

The warm, affirming, gentle, honest story of a nonbinary gender journey. Easy to read, beautifully illustrated, very accessible, this is truly a book for everyone. By the end of the story, Theo felt like a friend. From now on, whenever anyone asks me for an "all ages version of Gender Queer" I'll just be handing them this book instead. I got to read and blurb an advance copy of this; very excited for it to hit shelves on April 25 2024!

Blood of Dragons by Robin Hobb

I got through this book fairly quickly, even though it's about the same quality level as the previous book in the series. It has a fair amount of action and payoffs. I liked learning more of the secrets and history of Kelsingra, and I'm curious about the future of the new Elderling and dragon settlement. But I don't understand why this series has 4 books instead of the usual 3; there just isn't enough plot to sustain four books. I wish books 1 and 2 had been condensed into one and much of the angsty teen drama cut out. I just don't enjoy when Hobb writes from multiple POVs the same way I enjoy her single POV books; I don't love any of these characters the way I love Fitz and the people in his life.

Yotsuba vol 9 by Kiyohiko Azuma

Just as silly and charming as ever. The big adventure in this volume is a day watching hot air balloons.

Blue Flag vol 1 by Kaito

The set up for this story is very standard: teens in high school dealing with crushes, friendship, and figuring out their sexuality. But the execution is so skillful that it elevates what could be a really generic or heavy handed tale into something that felts very deft and true. I'm not usually one to pick up a love triangle/quadrangle but I had a great time with this one and will likely read more. I just hope the closeted queer characters don't end up with tragic rejections!

Witch Hat Atelier vol 11 by Kamome Shirahama

I liked that this volume focused more closely on Coco and Agott's friendship and creative practice! I like when this story is about the witch students! I don't love that it continues introducing 3-6 new characters in every volume. Also, this one felt like it was 1 chapter shorter than the normal size for this series.

I Heard Her Call My Name written and read by Lucy Sante

I picked this autobiography up after hearing Lucy Sante's interview on the podcast Gender Reveal and really enjoyed it. Sante came out as trans at age 67 after a lifetime of repressing her gender feelings and knowledge of carrying a weighty secret. Sante came to New York City as an immigrant from Belgium as a young child, and grew up bilingual, bicultural, and poetically inclined. This book weaves together near daily updates of the year her egg cracked and her early transition with memories of her childhood, teen years, and young adulthood in a cheap, dirty, punk, bohemian NYC which no longer exists. This window into the past is gorgeously narrated but might read mildly infuriating, depending on how much rent you are currently paying or how much you've struggled to break into the publishing industry. I devoured the audiobook in nearly one sitting.

The Yakuza’s Bias vol 1 by Teki Yatsuda (re-read)

Yakuza member Ken Kanashiro's life is changed when the daughter of the clan leader he works for takes him along to a kpop concert. Ken is moved by the kpop idol group's commitment, hard work, passion, and loyalty to each other and their fans. His introduction to fandom, and new social media friends, bring a breath of fresh air into his violent and dangerous life... and like most fervent fans, he starts trying to convince the people around him to stan the group to greater or lesser success. This manga series is very much in the same tone as Way of the House Husband but I appreciated the slightly longer chapters and the growing ensemble cast. It's a silly concept but with moments of genuine feeling as it shows how loving something can connect you to a whole new community. Edit on a second read: I got more out of the jokes on a second pass!

The Yakuza’s Bias vol 2 by Teki Yatsuda

The main joke of this series is the contrast between super-serious yakuza Ken Kanashiro's usual poker face and the way he passionately emotes when either watching or talking about his kpop idol bias. This is a fun series, full of in-jokes and a developing cast of quirky side characters. One of my favorites is Megumi, the mafia boss's daughter who initially introduced Ken to kpop and laments not being able to understand her favs, but claims she is "too busy stanning to study Korean."

#book reviews #books #comics #reading #audiobooks

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tillthelandslide · 9 months

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Insufferable Arsehole Part 12: (When In Rome) : I'm Just Fine 'Cause I Know That You Are Mine

Series Masterlist

(11) I'd Rather Jump In Your Bones

Taglist: @scooby-doodoo @thereisaplaceintheheart @theoriginalwhatsername @eaglestar31 @thefrontofmymind @fallingforel @partoftheairforce @procrastinatinglikeapro @poisonmedaddy13 @xthe1975 @all-things-fic @jstbeeingme @rossgirly @juliardk @you-muppet @moodyyyychickx (add yourself using the link in my bio 😊)

a/n: hiiii, so i wrote the beginning of this chapter whilst listening to “Vacation Eyes” and “Summer In The Hamptons” by Jonas Brothers, it's cute, you should listen them it whilst reading :).... Also just a quick disclaimer: i do not know anything about George’s family including his dad, this was just all my imagination…. Okay now that's done, i hope you enjoy reading this, im so happy i managed to write a new chapter for this series i love so much, i love you - Lou

She dances around the living room of the villa, some old rock music plays from Matty's phone, they missed hearing it from a proper speaker but he didn't care. Not when she was clad in a pair of red lace panties and his shirt, all of the buttons undone. She'd spin and he'd get an eye full of skin, he could see the most intimate parts to her, covered by a single piece of fabric, one in which moved with her and allowed him moments of her.

He wondered when they had got here, completely unwavering in their love for each other, not scared or worried of being intimate with each other. It came so naturally now and he knew he would truly struggle without it, without her. He knew it would destroy him and he was extremely doubtful that he'd ever recover if he was to lose her. That thought sometimes creeps in, of what it would be like to lose her, although it happens less regularly now.

"You're beautiful love" he sits with a joint in-between his lips, hanging loosely as he talks. She spins as the last of the Italian sun which was setting, covers her form. It leaves him breathless, like someone had punched him in the chest, he had a sudden onslaught of emotions, flooding him. God he loved her, he knows now, more than anything, that he loves her, more than anything he's ever loved before, more than anyone. She was his everything. He would have never given up his dream that he was living, for anyone, but he would, for her, and them and their life together, their future. He wouldn't even see it as a sacrifice, more like an end of an era, one which allowed them to start their life together. He wonders if Adam wanted that for Carly and their baby, if he did, Matty understood why now.

He always felt like he was in this world alone, every force working against him instead of with him, always fighting his battles and those of the world, alone. But then there was her, taking his hand and helping him through all of it.

She steps towards him with a huge smile on her face and it's not long before she's draping herself over his thighs, legs resting horizontally against him, one hand hangs behind him, grasping the nape of his neck when she settles.

She easily takes the joint from his lips, weaving it into hers and he watches intently as she inhales. The joint is moved from her mouth and then she's exhaling the smoke into his which falls open easily, he inhales the smoke she lets out and they smile, in unison, before she weaves the end of the joint back into his lips. His mouth closes around it and she holds it as he inhales.

"You're beautiful love" she repeats his words back to him, removing the joint so she could press her mouth to his, she breathes in the smoke as they kiss, feeling high on the weed but also him. The Italian sun and air had done wonders for his curls, sitting in perfect corkscrews that would bounce slightly when she'd run her fingers through his hair. His eyes glistened with happiness and his skin glowed. Yeah. He was beautiful.

"Only you could find someone to sell you weed in Italy" she says as she pulls back. He takes the spliff from her, placing it on an ashtray and letting it burn. He pulls her tighter, pressing his mouth to her hair.

"I've got connections all over the world love" it makes her laugh, a loud, snorting kind of laugh, and it makes him laugh too.

"We've only got tomorrow left love, what do you want to do?" he asks and she shrugs, nuzzling into his chest and allowing him to hook his unused arm around her frame.

"I don't care Matty, as long as I'm with you" she confirms with a peck to his mouth, he doesn't let her move, keeping her there for a longer one.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, you know that right?" she nods after he speaks and then he's smiling muttering "good" before kissing her again. She nuzzles back into his chest, eventually falling asleep there, with him humming a tune and the scent of weed drifting around the room.

The next day they go to the beach, her clad in a little bikini that Matty can't take his eyes off, him in a pair of black swimming trunks that barely hide him. They kiss in the water and they laugh, Matty grabs handfuls of her arse and she scolds him, reminding him that a very cute old picture (who have been taking photos of them unbeknownst to them) are watching them.

They remove themselves from the water when their skin starts to wrinkle. The old couple find them, and explain to the best of their ability that they thought their love was beautiful and that they took some pictures of them, that they wanted to send them to Matty and Lou. They agree. The pictures show up later that day, the couple look through them and smile, muttering I love you's to one another.

They leave the pictures on a coffee table and make love on the sofa. They're Interrupted by a loud knocking at their door. Matty’s been buried in-between her legs for what feels like a lifetime now, mouth glistening in her, pulling three orgasms from her from his mouth and tongue alone. He eventually leaves her, swearing as he walks to the door, she giggles when he doesn't even bother wiping her juices from his mouth.

He returns a few minutes later, burying himself back in-between her legs, making her moan loudly as his tongue flicks her clit.

"What did they want?" She asks through a moan.

"Just a noise complaint" his words are accompanied by the curling of his fingers, hitting her g-spot perfectly making her gasp at the feeling and his words. It's funny how he doesn't stop, delving in deeper, determined to make her cum again.

"Matty we should stop then..." she says through a particularly loud moan.

He pulls away then, looking at her with blown out eyes, his hair a mess on his head due to her hands attack, and his mouth, the one that's glistening in her, falls open.

"Love they should feel lucky to hear you like this... fucking gorgeous. I saw we should be louder" he gets a mean, mischievous look on his face and an even meaner smirk and then he's diving back in, pulling more noises from her, loud ones that she couldn't even silence if she tries.

"We're leaving tomorrow anyway" he says when he makes her cum with a scream. She pulls him up, wrapping her hand around his aching member. They make love and fuck for hours, by the end of the night, she's sore and aching but blissfully so, they've had sex everywhere they possibly could around the villa. Lou laughs into Mattys chest when she thinks about the people who have to clean the next day, blissfully unaware of what they'd gotten up to in their short stay

They return home the next day. Pictures tucked away in one of Matty's books. They walk through the airport hand in hand, truly in love.

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Their tanned skin is covered in goosebumps as they arrive back in their hometown, the weather isn't too cold but is reasonably cooler than Rome. They leave the airport hand in hand and Matty shields her body with his larger frame, hiding her from the flashing cameras as they get into the car.

They had agreed that they'd go their separate ways today, Lou needing to see her dad and Matty wanted to see his mum and Louis. But tomorrow, Lou's dad was throwing a welcome home party and had invited all the guys and their parents. George's dad had also worked with Lou's to organise it, buying a large amount of alcohol (too much as always), ready to celebrate the fact they had returned home. So the car pulls up at her dad's new house, having moved back to Manchester a few years ago when Mia moved out of their home in London, and he quickly presses a kiss to her mouth before walking round to her side of the car, opening it for her, making her smile widely.

"Will you let me walk you to the door?" Matty asks and she giggles before nodding.

"you know my dad is going to see you right?" She asks and Matty nods, pulling her to his side.

"Figured briefly seeing him now would make tomorrow less awkward" Matty says with a kiss to her cheek and she finds herself agreeing.

They step into the threshold of her childhood home, hearing her dad rush to the door and swoop her into his arms making her giggle before he's putting her back down, eyes finding Matty’s. Her dad was the definition of a teddy bear, a big softie at heart despite his hard demeanour.

"Denise's son right?" He asks, extending his hand out to Matty.

"Yes sir" Matty says making her dad chuckle as they shake hands.

"None of that sir nonsense. Phil is just fine" he says and Matty nods.

"How are your parents? Always got along well with them" he says, ignoring the fact that he knew Matty made his daughter's childhood less than bearable.

"Good... I think. About to go home and see them now actually" Matty says, smiling as her dad nods, before his eyes flick back to his daughter.

"How was Rome pickle? Have a good time" her dad asks Lou, matty smiles at the nickname.

"Was beautiful, Dad" she says. "Well Matty... We'll see you tomorrow I hope" he says and Matty nods again.

"You will, I'm looking forward to it, as are my parents and Louis" he says before saying goodbye and pulling Lou into a tight hug. She pulls back and places a quick peck to his lips making him blush in front of her dad.

"I love you" she says, making his face soften (and her father's)

"I love you too" Matty says before he leaves their house.

"He truly makes you happy huh?" Her dad says as he hugs her tightly again.

"He does"

"Okay, say no more. We will ignore the fact he was horrible to you when you were younger. I will resist from beating him up" he jokes.

"As if you'd lay a hand on him" Lou heard a voice from behind them, one she recognised all too well, it was Mia.

"What the hell?" She says as Mia walks towards her, the two girls hugging each other tightly.

"Thought you were going to be in London" Lou says, her little sister shaking her head.

"Got to welcome you and the guys home don't I?" Mia says and Lou raises her eyebrows.

"Oh yeah... I'm sure it's not because you want to see a certain bassist" she says and Mia is quickly shushing her. Lou then proceeds to spend the rest of the morning with her dad and sister, leaving around noon to see her mum. The two women go shopping and catch up on everything they've missed, her mother wanting to hear everything there is to know about Matty. After the much needed catch up, Lou heads back to her dad's house, eating dinner before heading to bed, not before receiving a phone call from Matty. The two speak about their days despite knowing they'd see each other tomorrow. She falls asleep in the comfy bed, finally feeling back at home.

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The next day the house is slowly being swarmed by people, most of whom wanted to see Lou, pulling her into a tight hug before she's being tugged in another direction.Soon she's being thrown over someone's shoulder, recognising their voice immediately and the way they laugh as she giggles.

"Put me down you man baby" Lou says to the man who's holding her: George's dad. A nickname she had always called him because he was absolutely childish, one of the reasons she loved him.

"Seriously dad put Lou down" he hears George say, her head snapping upwards in the direction of the voice, eyes finding her best friend. They two of them smile at one another and soon she's put down onto the ground, George's dad hugging her tightly before she's pulled into the embrace of his mother, all before letting George pull her into his own arms.

"Missed you pumpkin" George says, despite it not being that long since they last saw one another

."It really hasn't been that long" she then hears from behind them, eyes finding Ross', who has her little sister tucked under his arm, holding her in a gentle but casual manner.

"As if you didn't miss me Macdonald" she says, his grip loosening on Mia, meeting her half way to hug her tightly.

"You're looking awfully cosy" she whispers into him, making him chuckle.

"It's good with you right?" Ross asks, the two not having spoken about the whole mia situation yet

"As long as you're happy" she says, she knew with Ross she didn't have to have the "don't hurt her or I'll kill you" speech, she just had to be supportive of the pair.

He pulls back to look at her, smiling widely at her before resuming his spot next to Mia, who smiles adoringly up at him as he holds her again.She's then pulled into a hug from Charli who she hadn't even realised was here, the pair jumping up and down at how excited they were to be with each other again.

"Pregnant woman coming through, need to see the little man's godmother please" she hears Carly say, people parting for her. Lou is quickly turning and running towards her, her arms wrapping round both Carly and Hann.

"The gangs back together then aye?" It's Matty who's speaking now, she didn't even know when he'd arrived but she'd recognise his voice (and scent) anywhere. He wears a plain white shirt which he’s rolled up, revealing his tanned arms, he adorns a black tie which she knows he will eventually loosen when it starts irritating him. He looks as good as ever.

"Guys it's really not been that long'' Ross says making everyone laugh "and since when have you decided who's going to be godparents?" Everyone is laughing again at Ross' words.

"You didn't know?" Matty jokes, eyes finding Lou's again and the both smile at each other. The group talk before they disperse, talking amongst themselves or moving to speak to others.Matty loses track of Lou as he's speaking with her dad. He eventually finds her in the garden, his own mother's arm wrapped around her small frame, the two women laughing about something.

"Well look at you two" Matty says, Denise pulling him into a hug before letting him go, of course he doesn't move away too far, scooping Lou into his side, his mother smiling at the sight.

"I'll leave you to it. Lou, I'll text you about that lunch, yes?" She asks and Lou nods. Denise leaves with a kiss to Lou’s cheek and then Matty’s, the later squirming and lightly pushing her away, making the older woman chuckle and roll her eyes at his girlfriend.

"planning lunch with my mother? Wow you must really like me" Matty says, pulling her into his arms so they're facing each other.

"I must really love you" she emphasised the love part, making him blush. Her smile is one of the most genuine ones he's seen, perhaps it's because she's surrounded by everyone she loves, everyone wanting a piece of her (if not just a quick hug), or perhaps it's because of him.

"Hmm... You must really love me" he says and she nods as she leans up to press her mouth to his for a quick peck.

"Missed you" he says, despite the fact they had only been apart for a day. She felt it too though, she spent the whole day yesterday turning her head expecting to see Matty, to tell him something she thought of, but of course he wasn't there.

"Missed you too" she admits, closing the gap between them and kissing him again.

"Oi Healy stop necking someone who's far too good for you" they hear behind them making them both turn. They see Matty's younger brother Louis walking towards them and Lou almost gasps as he pulls her into a hug.

"What the fuck louis! You're like an adult now" Lou exclaims, making all three laugh."It's good to see you, looking amazing as ever" Louis says, he was always a little flirt, even when they were younger. She doesn't miss the look Matty gives him before he's shoving him lightly.

"Watch it" Matty warns before the two of them are jokingly fighting each other. She feels someone wrap an arm around her shoulder, looking at the person, revealing her mum.

"That's your boyfriend huh?" She says, the two women laughing before Lou smiles at the curly haired man.

"Yeah... What am I thinking aye?" She laughs. Lou and her mum spoke quite a lot during the tour and she told her mum everything Matty did to show her his true intentions and feelings. It was safe to say her mother liked him and he had redeemed himself.

Lou coughs drawing Matty's attention towards them, he instantly snaps away from his brother.

"I am so sorry" he says but Lou's mum just laughs before pulling him into a hug.

"Nice to see you again Matthew. You've grown up a lot since you used to torture my daughter" she jokes but Matty frowns at her words.

"She's joking babe" Lou says, making the worry wipe from his face.

"Lou's told me all about the wonderful things you've done for her... So I say the past is the past and... Thank you for making my daughter happy" she says, pulling him into another hug. The four of them talk, the Healy boys talking about their respective lives, Lou watching and listening proudly.

Eventually all the parents find their way inside, leaving their 'children' outside with one another reminiscent of the old days.

Lou is sat next to Matty, clung to his side with her legs hooked over his lap, hand clasped on her inner thigh, the man thankful that the dress had a high slit.

Ross was sitting with Mia, his arm hooked around the back of her chair as her hand was placed in his lap, gently holding each other, their situation very new.

Carly was hooked under Adams arm, hands holding each other over her bump.Charli was sat in a similar way to Lou: legs hooked over George, head resting against his shoulder as his hand held hers in her lap.Louis was the only one on his own, not that he minded, he was sat near Hann and Carly talking to the couple about all things baby.

"Didn't tell you how beautiful you look tonight love" Matty says, his voice hushed keeping the conversation private. She's dressed in a brown midi summer dress, dipping at her waist before hugging the curves of her hips, the slit high on one side of her leg, revealing a large portion of her thigh.

"Thank you" she says simply with a chaste kiss pressed against his mouth. “You look good” she says, making him smirk.

"Can't believe you're my girl" he says, shaking his head at his words "so lucky"

"So am I Healy" she says, and she can't help but kiss him again, not breaking away from each other until they hear George shout an "oi oi" like they were kids again.

"Oh my god, let's play truth or dare!" George then says and everyone either laughs or groans."Mate we're not 15 anymore!" Hann says and they all laugh again

."Oh come on, don't be boring! We're back in our hometown... Let's act like kids again" George says and his words somehow persuade the group to agree.

"In that case..." Lou says, grabbing her bag from the floor and collecting something from it, Matty chuckling as he sees what she's holding: two blunts.

"This might help things" she says, making everyone cheer, even Carly, who although she can't smoke the substance is fully supporting everyone else.

"Oh god... I remember the first time you guys made me smoke weed and I was sick all over George’s garden" Hann says, making everyone laugh.

"Wasn't that the night you got with Freddie West?" George says, pointing at Lou. Freddie was a guy two years above everyone else, someone who all the girls fancied and someone who Matty despised, it was truly the only reason she got with him. She hears Matty groan behind her as she lights the blunt, passing the other to George for him to light it, sharing his with Mia, Ross and Charli.

"Yeah..." Lou says, chuckling to herself at the memory.

"Fucking hated that guy" Matty says next to her and she looks at him as she inhales, before threading the end through his own lips.

"I only got with him to piss you off" she says, loud enough for everyone to hear. Matty coughs at the confession making everyone laugh loudly. Matty's eyes find Mia knowing she'd know the truth.

"Yeah she told me that... Said he was an awful kisser with a tiny dick" Mia said and she hears George laugh loudly before Ross is laughing along. Matty smirks next to her.

"Oh really?" Matty says and Lou rolls her eyes.

"Alright... You got with Melanie that night so you can't say shit" she says making everyone groan at the memory

."Didn't she try to suck you off in front of like basically everyone" Ross says and his eyes find George, the pair laughing loudly as they remember what happened next, Matty groans and his hand comes to cover his face.

"And then she gagged and was sick on my dick yes everyone fucking knows" Matty says making everyone laugh loudly.

"Never thought I'd hear my brother say that" Louis says, everyone's laughter increasing tenfold.

"We're not even playing Truth or dare yet and you guys are telling all the goss" Charli said, the group continued to smoke the weed, each of them feeling it more than usual due to how much they were laughing.

"Alright alright..." George says, everyone finally managing to stop laughing "Lou, truth or dare" he says and she smirks at the man

."Truth" "boring," Ross says, making everyone laugh again.

"What's the most amount of orgasms you've had in one night?" Charli says, making Lou laugh as George groans next to her.

"Stop being a baby, we're literally playing this with Lou and Mattys siblings you can deal with hearing about this" Charli slapping her boyfriends chest lightly.

"6" Lou confirms, everyone gasping at that, making her shrug, Matty smirking next to her as everyone cheered.

"Think it was more than that don't you love' Matty mumbles into her ear making her blush.

"Fucking hell you guys are feral" George says.

"Alright George, truth or dare" Matty says, eyes never leaving his best mates.

"Dare" he confirms.

"Swap clothes with Charli" he says and the whole group laughs as they do. "Truth or dare Ross" Louis says and the bearded man thinks for a moment.

"fuck it. Dare" he says and Louis smirks, his eyes find Lou's who nods.

"Dare you to kiss mia" and Louis, Matty and Lou all smirk as the pair look at one another, Ross swallowing, seemingly nervous.

"You two planned this somehow" Ross says before he focuses on mia.

His hand finds her jaw, holding her gently, he smiles down at her as she nods, letting him know it was okay, he gently presses his mouth to hers, making everyone cheer for the pair of them.

"I'm going to kill you" mia says to Lou making her laugh and mouth a

"thank me later"

They continue the game until it's Matty's turn to be asked. He opts for truth and Hann speaks up, surprising everyone with his words

"Did you ever think about Lou when having sex with someone else?"

Everyone oooos at that and Matty stares at her, squeezing the hand that was on her thigh.

"Oh all the time" he confesses, brutally honest, which makes everyone laugh but Lou can't help but press her mouth to his, making out for a minute or two everyone cheering, even George who was too high to care now.

"I love you so much" she laughs against his mouth, mainly because George had started to make fake retching noises, Matty throws a middle finger up at his mate and they all begin laughing as Matty kisses her again.

"I love you too darling" he says, pecking her lips once more before pulling away.

The game of truth or dare is forgotten and the group all begin talking about different things, like how the tour is starting soon and how they were all excited to be on the road together again.

Matty sits, watching his friends and his girlfriend. He knows, in that moment, that this is the happiest he's ever been, with her and his friends, the people who were his family now.

He couldn't wait for the day he could introduce her as his wife and maybe this family would have a few kids running around, their kids. Yeah... he knows he wants that. More than anything.

He loves her. Truly loves her. She was his everything.

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