#i wrote this unedited at 3-4 am so

[pencilofawesomeness]

Hey Pencil, can I ask you what you think of Neuvilette's character after the end of the current Archon quest? Not gonna lie, I was a bit disappointed at how he and everyone else treated Furina, but I was curious about your thoughts on the matter

ohohohohohohohoho anon. Dear sweet anon, you've activated my trap card, otherwise known as the Pencil Essay card, because I have sooooo many thoughts about this.

I will say though, I see Neuvilette in context of the story quests too, especially Furina's, as well as his friendship stories and voicelines. So, er, spoilers for that I suppose, but I can't separate those bits away from his character at this point. Anyway.

I frickin love Neuvilette. As a character, he checks a lot of boxes of traits that I adore, like being hella old, a dragon, somewhat isolated from normalcy, a cinnamon roll that can kill you, and Doing His Best. Now, as an important addendum to this, the fact that he is a dragon is a crucial part of the basis, because that's where a lot of conflict starts. He's separated from his kind, he's not a human yet he is confined to a human form, he remembers that the elemental authority should be his but Celestia took it and the archons have it now. The idea he has that he will forever be isolated, and that there will forever be a certain taste of bad blood between him and the rest of the world is founded. And yet. AND YET. Long ago, Focalors asks for him to help lead Fontaine, and he!!! Agrees!!! Neuvilette's character is rooted in a sense of justice and fairness, and in such, he tries to remain open-minded, and thus, he must witness things for himself. When he is presented a change in perspective, he accepts it.

Honestly I thought the Archon Quest did this rather nicely. He worked with Furina, believing her to be Focalors, for years. While Furina did waaay too good of a job in being as showy as possible, their close proximity meant that some of her true ethics and anxieties did make themselves known to Neuvilette. He knew when Furina was panicking and lying, just not why. Likewise, he has had inklings of when she's been sincere, and also, has a better perspective on how other people perceive her. More on that in a second.

Knowing what we know in hindsight, the Archon Quest is....very harsh. But. I understand why it happened that way. It was very clear that neither the Traveler nor Neuvilette wanted to put Furina on trial, however, neither of them were able to get her to tell the truth in private, and time was of the essence. The threat of a whole populace dying (and!!!! People have already died at this point!!!! Civilians!!!) is kind of a big deal. Something happens, or they all die; full stop. Hence, calling out the big guns. Which, to their credit, was just meant as a display of pressure on an actual deity, not an actual trial with death sentences and the discovery that Furina was a stressed out human all along. Focalors wanted that, however, so all according to plan. But very much not what Neuvilette wanted.

Fast forward. For Neuvilette, I think there is something really special to be said that he cares about both Focalors and Furina. He's only ever seen glimpses of both, but when Focalors aims to die to give Neuvilette back what is rightfully his, he protests! He doesn't want that! If there was a way for Focalors to undo the sea, he would accepted that, despite the janky usurped power thing. She is making a divine sacrifice, one that nobody else will truly know, and he mourns the person that is lost for it. Meanwhile, for all that Furina acted as a mask, and acted as if she was entirely self-sustainable, Neuvilette has shown to be concerned over her as a person. He caves so quickly to meet with Arlecchino when it's clear she's nervous, he asks Traveler to look after her, he tries to ask her when she's clearly being flighty. Even little things, like when he tells Traveler to acknowledge Furina at the beginning of the quest when she's showing off, because he knows she equates attention to success (just not why) and he is throwing her a bone. Yes, he is exasperated just as frequently, but Furina is not making it easy at that stage. Her entire schtick is to purposely keep people at arm's length, to be entertaining before she's likable, so really, I think there's an impressive amount of patience to be had.

The thing I have noticed about Neuvilette is that he is the kind of just that is caring. The law is for the sake of the people, and thus, people have become his focus. He denies this for a long time on account of believing himself to be forever an Other, but it is persistent all the same. He quickly wants to see the melusines treated well and with respect when they are integrated with society. He wants to see justice for those who are hurt. He understands, even, when those who do wrong are not bad people, like with Wriothesley. Neuvilette is, at his core, a kind person; however, he is terrible at expressing care in ways we would expect it. In part because he's just Like That, and in other part because he spent so long unaware of it. Usually, this means that he takes things at face value. If a melusine is being threatened, then there is a problem regarding humans' view of melusines again; if Wriothesley crawls out of hell with a Vision and the new title of Duke, then that means he found something to live for and he will support it; if Furina asks for space, then he tries to give her space. Neuvilette is a sincere person, even if sometimes he misunderstands the emotional complexity afoot.

Back to Furina. When it's revealed that she is a human, and she absolutely crashes, Neuvilette may not be the picture of fatherly comfort, but he is there for her in the way she asks, and even, in the ways she doesn't. She wants to be left alone, because Furina is tired of a facade and at this point she believes that everyone will hate both the fake her and the real her. Neuvillete obliges, and he arranges to pay for her apartment and food and make sure she is taken care of, when Furina is clearly not thinking that far ahead. It's clear that he would visit more often, but he's busy being the effective Archon now, and also, he doesn't think Furina would want that. Face value interpretations and all that. However, Neuvilette still appreciates the good that Furina did accomplish, in the mask and out of it. He doesn't fully understand Furina's hangups, but he respects what she does or doesn't want to do.

Now, Furina absolutely hit that depressive slump of a crash. Homegirl is living off of noodles like a broke college student. She thinks the world hates her and that everyone only put up with her because she was the archon and a superstar. Did she need someone to intervene? Sure. But she pushed Neuvilette and Clorinde away when they awkwardly tried, so Furina has to go through the long story quest way, and come to a bit of her own realization that people genuinely respected her ability to act as a skill and a thing of beauty, not just as a lie.

Furina's story quest offers the very best presentation of how Neuvilette sees her, and how, in his own way, he apologizes but also respects everything she has done and is. When Furina goes on stage, despite her valid reservations, and she gives it her all for that actresses sake, and she gives it her all because its real to her too, and Neuvilette sees this and sees her bravery, her spirit, and all of the hard work that Furina has given Fontaine for 500 years. So he tears a chunk off of his power and he gives it to her, in the form of a Vision.

The Visions are such a wonderful representation, because now that Neuvilette is the sole sovereign, without Celestia's janky throne in the way, he has full power over the granting of Visions. He can stop if he wants, because Visions are made by ripping chunks off of the god in question, but Neuvilette has studied and he has learned that humans are amazing and they earn their ambition, and he wants to give to that. So it's an incredibly purposeful gesture here and it carries the meaning of his care and respect in ways that he cannot articulate.

Neuvilette is kind. He's stiff, dutiful to a fault, has trouble being vulnerable and recognizing it in others, but he is trying, and he is kind. He gives credit where credit is do, and he tries to do the right thing, even when he misses the mark. He accepts when he's wrong, though, like with Focalors and Furina, like with missing how the general populace adores the melusines now, like with Childe when he honestly was baffled by the oratrice's absurd verdict. He's an old dragon and he's slow to catch up, but he makes that effort anyway, which I think is really neat. Neuvilette learns and he implements that. In Lantern Rite, he listened to Furina and finally managed to take a vacation, and he made a dumb little dragon ladle and had fun doing it. And he walked away from that realizing why taking a break was important.

So, er, yeah. I think Neuvilette is neat. Furina too. I really wish we can see them interacting more now that Furina is finally getting it through her skull that people do, in fact, want to be her friend and spend time with her, and I would love to see more on the implications that Traveler has told him of the other archons' exploits and he is forced to admit that they also either have no idea what's going on or that they known of them took the elemental authority on purpose/for the sake of it, but that's either an end-game thing or we'll never get it. Alas. Still I think Fontaine and all of hydro is in good hands with him.

Also he's an awkward dragon yall know I love grandpa dragon men who have parental bones but have no idea how to use them on purpose. I have. a type. of course I'm looking hard at neuvilette he's got the whole package

So uhhhhhh yeah. Yeah. I will. End it there.

#genshin impact #neuvillette #pencil essay #anon #ask #character analysis #if you look closely you can tell I love furina's story quest #i wrote this unedited at 3-4 am so #like most of my tumblr essays this is not my best work #but it is my raw unhinged work which is why we are all on this hellsite #but yeah honestly i do give neuv credit for his patience #if i had to deal with furina acting like that i would have strangled her #the cast doesn't get clued in on her inner actions until the last second #we get a bit like with arle stabbing her when she was petting a cat #also its mad frustrating to try to help someone who refuses help so I get it #especially when nobody knew furina's reason #because she couldn't tell anyone #focalors' master plan was brilliant but cruel #which they both knew going into this #so uhhh yeah the archon quest was rough but I get it

[dynamightsdaydream]

lazy mornings | K. Bakugou x GN! Reader

6:44 am

notes: I wrote this at six am. I have had nothing but Bakugou on the brain since it is his birthday. And this is the result. I haven't written anything in a while so I may be a bit rusty. So, I apologize in advance. Anyways, I am going to go bake some cupcakes to celebrate kat's birthday. I hope you enjoy this thingy I wrote half asleep, and on like 4 hours asleep. Stay safe <3

cw and tw; unedited, not proofread, mildly spicy if you squint, pure fluff, reader is sorta a simp, pretty cheesy, and just a whole lot of soft tsundere kat.

word count: 563

Morning rays of the early sunrise began to pour in through the glass of the bedroom window. The warm sunlight was kissing your skin softly. Feeling half asleep the only thing you could make out was the feeling of a large protective arm around your waist. With closed eyes you smiled at the feeling of him. The way his body molded perfectly into your curves and shape as he held you. Opening your eyes, you were met with the peaceful image of your sleeping boyfriend. You felt your cheeks heat up at the mere sight of him. Shirtless, with this adorable sleeping face. His features pressed against the fluffy pillows. With his brow furrowed and his lips parted, forming a slight pout.

You began to shift in attempt to get into a more comfortable position. Nuzzling into your boyfriend next to you, his skin was filled with warmth and comfort. Katsuki grumbled in response but didn’t open his eyes. He just hoisted you up a bit, so you were resting in the crook of his neck. Inhaling deeply, you receive a waft of the singed caramel and musk scent he emitted, feeling entirely at peace this morning.

“You creep…” He spoke in his gruff morning voice. Earning a giggle from you. Lifting your gaze, you were met with two crimson orbs. “M’ not a creep…” you whined. “You watched me sleep for about two minutes and you sniffed me. So, what's your explanation for that hah? Sweetheart?” His words, laced with a small chuckle. “You're just so pretty and peaceful looking when you sleep...” You spoke as you caress his stubbly cheek. Beginning to blush, he averted his gaze from yours.

“I mean in contrast to when you're awake anyway,” You tease him. “Tch shut up...” He rolled his eyes playfully making you laugh. Your thumb and pointer finger tilting his head down, so your eyes met once more. You couldn't help but admire him... He was so ruggedly handsome. Sharp jawline, ruby red eyes that sparked such intensity, and pouting lips that were so eager to meet your own. Pulling you closer. He wrapped his strong arms around your waist, pecking your lips.

“Kiss me like you mean it...” You whispered onto his lips. "Askin' for it aintcha' sweetheart? Can't say no to you though, can I?" He smirked. His hot breath grazed your lips, slowly he leaned in and connected his to yours. Your heads tilting right and left, lips moving together in sync. The kiss was full of need and passion. As all his kisses were, he always left you utterly breathless. His mouth so warm, something you cannot imagine not feeling daily. He pulled gently on your bottom lip, making you gasp. A wandering hand ran along your thigh whilst another up your lower back. Your soft hands brush along the nape of his neck and pinch at strands of ash blonde hair.

Pulling away your eyes met his. His pupils dilated with pure love and adoration. Eyes are always a window to tell the way someone feels, they never lie. And his eyes were crystal clear. Bakugou Katsuki is ever so deeply in love with you. It was clear as the morning sky. Moments like these were rare. But you both learned how to value them. Lazy mornings with your pro hero lover were something to truly behold.

#— bakugou fluff ♡ #— mildly spicy recs ༊*·˚ #— bakugou katsuki 🧡 #— mildly spicy ༊*·˚ #bakugou katsuki #bakugou katsuki fluff #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader fluff #bakugou katsuki x gn! reader #bakugou katsuki imagine #bakugou katsuki bnha #bakugou #bakugou fluff #bakugou x reader #bakugou x gn! reader #bakugou imagine #bakugou mha #bakugou bnha #bnha #mha #bnha fluff #mha fluff #bnha x reader #bnha x gender neutral reader #bnha x gn!reader #bnha x reader fluff #bnha x you #bakugou x you #boku no hero academia #my hero academia

[allthenamesithinkofaretaken]

Wally, Darling ♥ [Part 4]

[Rest]

Wally Darling x F! Archi! Reader

(Some domestic fluff again! I wanted to post the proposal and the wedding chapters first before going back to domesticity, but I couldn't seem to like anything I wrote at all and I just kept redoing everything and everything. So unfortunately, the proposal and wedding chapters are going to have to be late because I am stressed out (we'll be going back to our usual classes and I'm not really looking forward to it). So for comfort, I made this and yeah, hope you enjoy!)

(unedited, so forgive me for any grammar mistakes and spelling problems)

Everything was quiet. Save for the sounds of heavy rainfall hitting against the glass of Home’s windows and the crackling of fire from the fireplace in front of her, it’s warmth saving her from the coldness of the air on this rainy day.

She was basically face first into the couch as she lay on it, her whole body exhausted and unwilling to move even the slightest after an entire day of helping out the neighborhood with whatever it was they needed help with. And there were so many things that needed to be done.

The sound of the door opening and then closing brings her attention to the footsteps that echoed, already familiar with the sound that slowly approached her on the sofa before he even spoke.

“Someone’s exhausted,” he chuckled, and despite the monotonous sound of his voice, she could hear the slightest bit of a tease in his tone, and she could only let out a grumble of a response, not really in the mood to do anything but lay down. She could feel the softness of Wally’s fingers graze her cheek, tucking the hair that fell on her face behind her ear and then pressing a gentle kiss on her temple, the gesture enough to make her stomach twist and turn as a small smile finally tugged at her lips.

“There’s that smile I’ve been looking for,” Wally hummed, “Do you want me to bring you anything from the kitchen?”

It took her a while to think of anything that would be good to drink or eat, “A cup of coffee would be nice.”

“Hm,” Wally thought, “No.”

“What?” She peeked one eye up at him, and he was staring down at her, unblinking as he usually was.

“Coffee makes you stay up late at night, and right now that’s the opposite of what you should be doing.” He gives a small smile, “I don’t want you passing out from exhaustion.”

“I’m not going to, I promise,” she sighed, slowly pushing herself up to sit. “And besides, coffee doesn’t affect me that much anymore.”

Wally gave her a look. A knowing look. “That’s what you said last time. And then you proceeded to be up until 3 AM, worrying about your projects.” The worry in his eyes were evident, and she could feel the tug of guilt pulling at her heartstrings at the thought of ever worrying him like this. Home seemed to back him up on that thought, the sounds of creaks and squeaks of complaints from the floor and cabinets echoing in the room.

She sighed, placing a hand against her aching temple as Wally moves to sit beside her on the couch, letting her lean her whole body against him so he could wrap an arm around her in some sort of embrace.

“I’m sorry,” she huffed. “I don’t know. Coffee helps me think, and right now all I’m getting is blank and I can’t move my body at all and I have so much left to do—”

She feels him squeeze her shoulder in reassurance, cutting her off from her rant and once again letting her body succumb to the comforting warmth of his own.

“It’s alright,” he leans his head against her shoulder. “That just means you need to let yourself take a break. Don’t overwork yourself too much, okay?”

She was about to protest, but was immediately cut off by a sudden peck on the lips that moved to her cheek. And she couldn’t help the laugh that escaped as Wally brings her face in between his hands to continue pecking at her face like she usually does with him.

“Alright! Alright!”

Now that made him stop, and she carefully moves to wipe at her face, still giggling under her breath. And he looked more than satisfied at finally making her laugh.

“Now, do you still want anything from the kitchen?” He asked yet again, and she took his hand in her own, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Nah,” she sighs, letting her eyes close. “Just stay here with me?”

Wally only hummed in confirmation, letting her wrap her arms around his form before bringing the both of them down on the sofa together. It didn’t take long at all for her to fall asleep, and not a minute after that, Wally decided to follow, eyes falling shut and letting the warmth of his darling and the sound of her light snores lull him to sleep.

#fanfic #welcome home fanfic #fanfiction #welcome home wally darling x reader #welcome home x reader #welcome home arg #welcome home #wally darling brainrot #welcome home wally darling #wally darling #wally darling x reader #x reader

[sinkat-arts]

It’s 5am and I can’t sleep… so, I wrote a Daisuga Drabble about… not being able to sleep. Completely unedited and tapped out on my phone, so apologies if it reads terribly.

—

3AM

Daisuga, sexytimes implied but not written out

Insomnia struck at the worst times. If you asked him, Daichi would deny being an insomniac - it wasn’t a daily, weekly, or even monthly occurrence. But every so often, there were some nights when all he could do was lie in bed in a quiet rage, furious that he wasn’t sleeping... which, of course, only made it worse. He couldn’t sleep, so he was angry, and he was angry, so he couldn’t sleep - the insomnia ouroboros, repeating into eternity. Or at least until it was time to get up and get ready for work. 

Those nights had sucked when he lived alone, but now that he shared his bed, he was discovering that they were somehow worse. Tonight marked the first time insomnia reared its ugly head since he and Suga had decided to move in together, and it was like the sound of Suga’s measured breathing was taunting him. Somehow, the sound of someone he loved so dearly sleeping so peacefully next to him only added fuel to the fire. It wasn’t an entirely logical reaction, but logic was in short supply at 3:00 am on a weeknight. Especially when you needed to be awake in 4 hours.

It wasn’t for lack of trying that he couldn’t sleep, either. He’d cycled through so many strategies: white noise, rain sounds, meditation, hypnosis, melatonin, even those asmr recordings that Suga swore by but Daichi secretly thought were kind of creepy. Nothing really did the trick when his body, mind, or both just up and decided that he wasn’t sleeping that night. The best thing he could think of was simply to accept the situation. Instead of lying in bed angry at the world and becoming increasingly resentful of the fact that his boyfriend apparently came equipped with an off switch, he just gave in and decided to get up. There were plenty of things to be done - work to look over, books to read, something in the kitchen always needed cleaning -  he could at least be productive. 

Which was how Suga happened to find him on his hands and knees, wiping down the hallway baseboards at 3:30 am on a Monday morning. 

“I can’t say that I hate the view… but I have to ask… what the heck?” Suga’s voice came from somewhere behind him. 

“I’m… cleaning the baseboards?” Daichi answered, a little pinch of guilt for waking Suga up added itself to the heaping helping of embarrassment at being found doing something so damn weird in the middle of the night. He turned and saw Suga watching him, one hand on his hip and a look on his face that landed somewhere between puzzled and amused. 

“Yes, dear, I can see that. But why? Did I miss the memo that said the emperor was stopping by for breakfast?” 

“You didn’t get it?” Daichi asked, sitting back on his heels and giving Suga his best look of wide-eyed innocence. “7am sharp. You’re in charge of the table settings.” 

“Then I guess we’re in trouble. Unless the emperor finds mismatched chopsticks quaint…”

“Afraid not. It’s a fine china affair… damn, at this rate we’ll be the shame of the whole country. Maybe even the world…” 

Suga laughed. It never failed, even after all these years - the sound of Suga laughing always made Daichi’s heart thump… and when he was the cause of that laughter? There wasn’t anything better in the whole world… not even 8 hours of sleep. 

“But seriously… why are you cleaning the baseboards, you big weirdo?”

“I can’t sleep,” Daichi answered, folding the cleaning rag neatly into a little square and setting it down beside him. “Figured I should get something done,” grinning, he shrugged, “You know, instead of lying there plotting your murder because you, my love, snore.” 

In an instant, Suga’s face screwed up with indignation. “Don’t you ‘my love’ me - I do NOT snore!” Both hands were on his hips now. “And if you’re gonna murder me, at least do it for something less pedestrian. I deserve some scandal. If they don’t make a Netflix documentary about my death, what even is the point?” 

“You know… you’ve got me there,” Daichi said, chuckling as he pulled himself to his feet. He took the few steps needed to stand in front of Suga and wrapped his arms around his shoulders. Still smiling, he pressed a kiss against his forehead. “You deserve the best four-part true crime miniseries money can buy.”

“Four-part minimum,” Suga sniffed. He looked thoughtful for a moment, and then that mischievous twinkle sparked in his eyes. He sidled in closer, both hands dropping to grip Daichi’s hips, pulling the two of them together so there was no space in between. Biting his lower lip, Suga looked up into Daichi’s eyes. “Maybe you just have a little too much energy. I could… help you burn some off, you know.”

“Mmm,” Daichi hummed. His voice was cast low… in spite of the long hours he’d been awake, having Suga this close, with his fingers pressing into his hips like that? He was feeling the first spark of heat. Suga had his attention - it didn’t take much, not from him. He lowered his head, cocking it a little for a better angle, but stopping just millimeters short of the kiss Suga was most definitely expecting. Daichi could feel the anticipation coming off of him. “I could go get another cleaning cloth, if you really wanted to help…”

“Shut up,” Suga breathed and crossed that millimeter gap to press their lips together.

An hour later, coated in a thin sheen of sweat and utterly spent, Daichi was back in bed, lying on his back with the love of his life slotted in next to him. Suga’s head rested on his chest, and Daichi pressed a kiss into sweat-damp hair as he listened to the sound of his breathing as it settled. His own breathing fell into rhythm naturally, and they rose and fell together. 

He still couldn’t sleep. If anything, he was worse off than before, but… he couldn’t say he was still angry about it. How could he be mad when his heart was so full? The sun would rise soon, and their day would carry them apart to their separate destinations, but right now, this moment together in the dark, set to the sound of his sleeping lover’s breathing… it was peace and fulfillment and so much more love than he ever thought possible. It was everything. 

Well worth one sleepless Sunday and a miserable Monday, he’d say. 

#Daisuga #sawamura daichi #sugawara koushi #daichi #suga #haikyuu #haikyu #Drabble #what even is the accepted length of a Drabble #fanfiction #or just delete it because late night writing on the phone is probably bad

[notthestarwar]

Masterpost of my character webs (webweaves of quotes that make me think of them. usually with a very long explanation of my thoughts in one of the reblogs lol)

Sources and text are in alt but pls let me know if there's any mistakes

Fox

Cody Cody 2

Boba

Kix

Obi Wan

Anakin (1 2 3 4 5)

Jango (1 2 3 4 5 6)

Some extra Jango quotes that didnt make it in to an actual web

Clones

Is Jango a father to the clones

RE: my writing

I know I've mentioned this to a few of you but I wanted to make a post explaining and also I'll add this in to the authors notes of what I've got posted on ao3.

I'm pretty unhappy with what I've got posted on ao3, the editing isn't where I want it to be and I've not been at a point where I can fix it. I'm not intending to delete any nor am I gonna make them anonymous/orphan them, but it is my full intention to rewrite my multi chaps and I consider the very early oneshots I wrote to be abandoned. Though I'm not intending to delete any of them and they'll be there, I am considering possibly making a new account and leaving that one to collect dust as an archive I guess.

I wanted to mention this as I know I've got a few unfinished works and I've been saying I'll update them as soon as I'm in the right frame of mind but I haven't got there and now I'm at the point where I want to rewrite what's there before I move on with them (tho tbh I have quite a lot of chapters from those finished and unposted and outlines for each of them.)

So. I don't consider myself to be on hiatus, however, I do intend to rewrite:

Dead from the beginning (mainly editing)

I think love is something that happens to other people (adding some side storylines)

When is a monster not a monster (mainly editing but also moving chapter breaks)

The lost mand'alor (story changes. I intend to delete large bits)

And before i post new chapters I want to do major revisions to:

What the living do rewrite

No children

Talking to the dead

The glass wall

How the living go on living and the dead go on living with them

I've yet to decide what i want to do with the one shots. If I'm only making small edits it'll be on the same work but for the above rewrites/ major revisions In all liklihood I'll be posting them as seperate works possibly on a seperate account (tho I'll link back and you'll be able to see it's me). I'm just not at a point where I can consider starting this yet and so in the meantime I won't be updating any of those wips and they'll be in their messy unedited state for the foreseeable (dead from the beginning in particular lol which is pretty much entirely unedited)

I am gonna try and get back in to writing by maybe working on unposted wips/starting stupid little things that entertain me, as I think that's probably the best way to build on my ability to get me to a point where I can rewrite the above, so depending on how that goes you may see new stuff being posted, but the old ones remain unabandoned and ready to go as soon as my brain gets with the program, just don't expect it any time soon lol

That said. I'm always happy to talk about my work on here and explain where things are heading

Wip list

#new pinned post

[foofsterwolf]

✨ Fic Writing Review 2023 ✨

Words and Fics

* 115,318 total words. But it’s actually 107,740 if you take out the lovely Gumusservi by the lovely @thotpuppy

* I wrote for 3 fandoms this year which is 2 more than I thought I did: American Assassin with 1, Supernatural with 1, and Teen Wolf with a whopping 40 fics.

* Most recent posted fic was When Fairies Come A Knocking which is a fic for the Stiles Shipping Central exchange about Stiles reading the pack kids a bedtime story.

* My longest fic this year was 33,926 words; Habitual. Which is my serial killer AU, also has art by the lovely @thotpuppy :D

Top Fics by Kudos

* You Are In Love (195 Kudos:1,621 hits:Sciles:G rated:1,616 Words)

* Young and in Love (154 Kudos:1,135 Hits:Sciles:G rated:1,262 Words)

* Teenage Dirtbag (141 Kudos:1,174 Hits:Unspecified:M rated:3,353 Words)

* Friend in Need (111 Kudos:2,965 Hits:Sour Skittles:E rated:1,131 Words)

* Serving Time (90 Kudos:3,500 Hits:Stheo:E rated:1,262 Words)

My fandom fic events in 2023

* Stiles Shipping Central exchange I wrote 4 fics for the exchange and plan on posting a 5th before the year is up. :)

* I wrote one for the Whumplovers Collaborate Summer Exchange.

* 5 fics for Sciles Week

* 1 for the Teen Wolf Mini Bang

* 20 works for Kinktober (link to my Collection)

* And last but Certainly Not Least, 1 for Fanfiction Forums Take A Chance exchange

Upcoming Events and Projects for 2024

* first thing on the way should be the Sciles Shipping Central exchange fic for this month.

* I have 5 projects I am currently working on.

* Tacenda; Commè Çi Commè Ça (A fic about Stiles having hypo-empathy while Scott has hyper-empathy and watching as they grow up and learn to adapt to their differences.) Fully written, needs to be edited. 17 chapters.

* Teenage Dirtbag (link to posted prologue) (A fic about Stiles struggling to gain the attention and love of those around him with a neglectful father and years of compounded issues and traumas.) first 2 acts planned, first 8 chapters (out of 11 planned) finished, unedited.

* I Will Wait (Stiles is a prostitute, Scott hires him and realizes that it’s his best friend that was taken away after his father died because his mother was unfit to take care of him.) 30 chapters planned, fully planned, prologue written and unedited.

* Untitled; working “The OTHER MPreg one” (despite the title, there is no MPreg in this fic. It’s a teen pregnancy fic. Malia gets pregnant and Stiles starts to step up to take care of his kid. Follows Stiles before the birth and after as he goes through community college and works toward becoming a fire fighter.) story plan written, no chapters planned yet.

* Where Wildflowers Grow (set in the 1970s. Stiles runs a Nursery and Scott is a man running away from his problems, but unbeknownst to him one will always follow him.) 1 chapter of 9 written. Unedited. Fully planned.

Rules & Tags

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

Tags: @thiamsxbitch @domesticated-feral @alecrhysandco no pressure for any of y’all to do it. Also I haven’t noticed if any of y’all got tagged and/or did it already. I was tagged by @thotpuppy Thank you so much!

#tag game

[kaizsche]

hi, everyone!! this is my ao3 wrapped! (i for real almost forgot to post this... sorry i haven't been writing/posting lately, i've been busy with events here and i'm working as a cleaner/typesetter for a scanlation team! we are quite understaffed and have multiple projects to work on so...🥺🥺)

How many words have you written this year?

92,601k!!!  (excluding my wips) wtf i wrote A LOT??

How many works did you publish this year?

31 aiuhdiagdadad

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

easy. skuld’s net - that one shot came to me so suddenly and i wrote it for 3 days straight w/o no breaks whatsoever!!!

What work of yours has the most hits?

my star wars one shot fic - the july writing challenge i believe is at 6,544 hits

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

my first ever tvd fic, the one inspired by arctic monkey’s 505. 

Favorite title you used

in the art of flaw, the bridgerton au fic (shoutout to my friend who helped me make it cause im not exactly great at titles lmao

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

young the giant!!! their songs are just *chef's kiss*

Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

this is such an obvious question if you frequently visit my blog. Elejah and klena!!!!!1

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year?

elejah is a ship i’d die for but i think i love writing finnlena the most cause they’re sooo in tune with one another. at least i think they would’ve been if esther did not manipulate him. (i just love finn okay. cause he's so underappreciated?)

What work was the quickest to write?

skuld’s net (a klena fic) i wrote that thing for 3 effin days straight, looped lany’s 13 over and over and over again. (i wasnt aware of his allegations that time so…)

What work took you the longest to write?

in terms of published fics, i think it’s take my breath. it was created on oct 19 then i picked it up a maybe 2-3 weeks ago? then posted it on dec 4 so yeah

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

i lost count. there is just too many of them.

What’s your longest work of the year?

the one shot fic writing challenge.

What’s your shortest work of the year?

It’s a lil fic which idea i got from a prompt generator in tumblr - i was quite new back then so i thought that maybe participating in it won’t hurt me. It’s called 709 which is inspired by one of my wips wherein elena returned to the past after death and tried to change her life.

What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

Oh boy, OH BOY this is a long list. I’ll be taking them all with me but the most noteworthy wips would have to be my princess diaries au and the miracle baby au fic for elejah + the elena & katherine time travel fic

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Probably unedited as hell and kol is a little shit

Your favorite character to write this year?

I think finn. his character in canon is just so unexplored (i haven’t watched the originals so…) and it’s so, so fun to explore his character and adding more to his background.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

I feel... elijah? Cause i am most certainly not as eloquent as he is with words, so i usually find it hard to write his dialogues and stuff in my fics. (but honestly, i have a hard time with all mikaelsons lmfao)

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

I want to explore more of wyler!! (wednesday x tyler) since i’ve just recently joined the fandom and have four wips in my drafts already.

Which work of yours have you reread the most?

I think i have an almost unhealthy obsession with re-reading my work. But it definitely has to be heaven help the fool who falls in love like… i love re-exploring my old ideas (and also wondering where that ‘writer me’ in that era went (cause i literally had to write every single day and not miss a single one whilst delivering good pieces was beyond me.)

How many kudos in total did you get this year?

I’ve got 1,812!

Which work has the most comments?

with 100 comment threads, it’s not at all surprising that its my may writing challenge tvd fic

Did you do any collaborative works this year?

I don’t think i did?

Did you write any gifts this year?

i did for the wyler secret santa event and one for @qvnthesia

Did you receive any gifts this year?

@qvnthesia and i are exchanging fics later this month, so yep! I’m quite excited for that!

What’s your most common category?

easy. f/m

What do you listen to while writing?

I made spotify playlists for each of my pairings, actually. so when i write for a specific ship like klena - i usually turn the volume up for some good ol 505.

Favorite work you wrote this year?

the love of a doppelganger. there’s just something about this fic that i can’t put into words. (it’s my finnlena one) i think it’s about the prospect of giving finn’s character a second chance whilst shedding light as to why his decisions, and his siblings had came to the point of, well, daggering him.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Oh my gosh, as a person whohas short term memory this question is quite hard to answer. Lol. but this line just IDK IT MAKES ME FEEL A CERTAIN WAY, OKAY?!

“You will learn to love me just as you have loved Anakin Skywalker.” He breathes, a promise dressed in the trappings of a threat.

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

What honestly surprised me the most is what the tvd fandom did to me, tbh. i’ve been writing fics since 2017, but i’ve never been much hyperfixated like i was with tvd – i think that it also helped me that the fandom has an active community, AND tight-knitted as well we even have a discord server and follow each other on tumblr. So, yeah. I basically not only owe it to the wonderful TVD character (sans the salvatores, thank you.) but also to the people that inspired me, supported me and cheered me on with my fics! (i’m looking at you, @sunless-garden, @qvnthesia,  @wazman, @katherineholmes, @amandamonroe, @finnismyoriginalsin, @sevensistersofsussex, and everyone else!!

[igarbagecannoteven]

2022 Writing Evaluation

thanks so much @clumsyclifford , @allsassnoclass , & @jbhmalumm for tagging me in this! i'm gonna talk about my fics in all fandoms even tho this is my music blog bc i don't have anything separated into pseuds (i strive for chaos on my ao3 account) putting it under the cut bc i'm sure it's gonna be long lol

number of stories posted on ao3: 25! 18 in 5sos, 4 in hp, and 3 miscellaneous fandoms

word count posted for this year: 40,705

fandoms i wrote for: 5sos, hp, discworld, doctor who, & dungeons and daddies

pairings: lashton (4), cashton (3), muke (2.5) (bc they're background in one), malum (2), cake (2), mashton (1), penelope/percy (1)

story with the most kudos/bookmarks/comments: burnt eggs & broken promises has the most kudos, do you wanna touch (yeah) and permanent jet lag are tied for most bookmarks, and fear the fever has the most comments

work i’m most proud of and why: i'm proud of almost all of the work i put out this year, and there are a couple ones that immediately spring to mind, but i'm going to really come out of left field here and say Being Hannah Abbott! "but megs," you might say, "why on earth would you pick the only fic that has zero kudos? it's definitely not your best written work of the year." to which i say, true! however, i have been trying to get this fic right since 10th grade! i'm now a senior in college! "but megs it's significantly less than 1k how did it take you that long" listen! listen. sometimes. you have to wait until you're good enough to finish a fic. this has more than 5 docs of different drafts saved to my laptop. also you're forgetting the fact that i'm insane

work i’m least proud of and why: okay listen. i know it's my most kudos'd work. i know that. however i am not happy with burnt eggs and broken promises. bella left me a lovely long comment on it recently that made me rethink my feelings towards it but i still think it isn't as good as it could have been so sorry folks

share or describe a favorite review you’ve received: i love it when people tell me i made them cry it's my favorite thing in the whole world best compliment to receive imo

a time when writing was really, really hard: you're assuming i remember what i was experiencing earlier in 2022 which is where you've made your mistake slkdjflskdjf ummmm i remember have a really hard time this fall semester, especially in september/october, i just couldn't get any motivation whatsoever (which tends to be my biggest problem tbh)

a scene or character you wrote who surprised you: goood question,,, you know, i really wasn't expecting to ever write a mcu au and yet pining is a strange sort of mcu au. i originally was going to write it so one half of the pairing got lost at sea and their bf was waiting on shore not sure if they were dead or alive, but the characters did not want to be like that at all which is how i ended up with poor post-snap calum (who may be getting a happy sequel someday shhh)

a favorite excerpt of your writing: i love the transformation scene in fear the fever. i just love writing body horror for some reason and i've always had strong opinions about what i think vampires & their transformations are like physically and it was a blast to get to explore that in this fic :))

how did you grow as a writer this year? i think a lot of my growth happens slowly over time and therefore is hard to pinpoint, but i took a creative writing class in the spring on opening a novel and that helped me rethink the way i start fics now. also i learned to think more about what i want out of my fic! thinking about why i write and why i post fic really helped me realize what fic writing advice to take and what to ignore (if you're like me and the goal of a fic is to write the concept the best you can, than posts talking about how it's okay to post random, unedited snippets are not actually helpful and can actually be counter-intuitive)

how do you hope to grow next year? i really want to write more often and be more disciplined about writing. as always i want to learn how to be better in the craft aspect in general (which is a goal i expect to always have, since i'll never be perfect at it) and i'd also like to be better with subtext & symbolism & ~themes~ bc i always forget to those last two and my subtext is, in my opinion, rather lacking at the moment

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc)? bella is the best live-in cheerleader/rubber duck a writer could ask for, and i would be royally screwed without her 💙 hazel is always an incredible virtual cheerleader/ideas bouncer and i am dearly in her debt, and meghna is wonderful for fueling my wacky ideas-mobile; i am incredibly lucky that they're just a discord dm away 🥰 also she's 100% not going to see this but my mom finished her mfa program this year and has been working on finishing her novel, and writing with her and talking shop together has been very helpful in keeping me at the keyboard and with more thematically technical details (little does she know it's for my rfp fanfic lol)

anything from real life show up in your writing this year? yep! lots! keep you safe (safe as i can), an hp fic, reflects some of my worries about my little bro growing up; Questions Involving Vampires & Skirts, while not reflective of my own gender, does reflect some of my weird gender-y fuckery; just dance (gonna be okay)'s michael shares my feelings regarding dancing in empty elevators; do you wanna touch (yeah) is inspired by me visiting a craft store with my fam and touching basically everything in the store; permanent jet lag is based off of flying international with my baby bro who is Very Tall; & glasses is based off of my truly awful eyesight and how i still feel like if i have my glasses off people can't perceive me lol (yes you heard it here first folks, megs has the object permanence of a toddler)

any new wisdom you can share with other writers? write! have fun with it! go to irl critique groups if possible! don't expect things to be perfect on the first draft, because most people's first drafts are shit and that's okay! challenge yourself! don't be afraid to embrace the cringe! it's okay to settle unless it's gonna make you miserable! eat your writing frogs! don't be afraid to ask for help! get a rubber duck!

any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year? i really want to finish tis the damn fic. i'd love for it to be ready to post by december. i'm kneeling at my prefrontal cortex begging it to get its shit together enough to finish it. i'd also love to finally finish my another place songfic bc that will mean my writing's reached the level where i can actually figure out how to write the dang thing which is the dream

tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read: idk who all's done it/been tagged so if you've already done it just ignore me! and if you don't want to do it you can also ignore me lol but i'll tag @werewolfashton , @reveriesofawriter , @userbadomens , @calumthoodshands , @pixiegrl , @valiantnerdtm , & anyone else who wants to! (if you've been mainly writing for another fandom you can talk about that one as well/instead, all up to you!)

#tagged #the trash talks #tag game #hope this is both interesting and humorous 😌 #or not! hope you hate it. i hope we both hate it hand in unlovable hand ksjdflksjdfkjsdlfjsdlkj

[chai-hat-tea]

When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass it on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! 💓

Hellllloooooo hi how are you??? ❤️ thank you so much for sending this ask!!! Hmmmm lemme think! Am I supposed to mention why they’re my favourites? Okay I guess I’ll just do it haha. Also they’re not in the order of my favourites, just based on which I remembered first haha!!

1. My Light - this is the first fic I wrote that was a bit serious and I was surprised at how I ended up writing it. There’s an element of tenderness to it that I’m in love with and the pain Liam goes through before coming to terms is just so much.

2. Fix You - well, this is very personal to me and I was so scared to put it out but I’m really proud of it! Again, it’s vaguely similar to My Light in terms of the theme (sad with happy ending). I knew Louis’ pain and reading it out made me realise a lot of things, so I’m glad I wrote it. I needed to do that for myself.

3. The Subway Scramble - oh this fic feels so cute!!! I love Harry pining on Louis so much (partly because I’ve always seen it the other way round and I sometimes like making Harry suffer then XD). I like to think that my writing was a lot better when compared to my first 2 fics, so that’s also an added bonus!

4. Louis’ “Harry” Christmas - this was so much fun to write!!!! I remember finishing the first draft in maybe 2 days and I was stunned that I managed to do it when I had so much of writing stress going on! I wrote it on a major time crunch, and while I’ve not had the chance to read it as a reader, I remember being surprised by the way I wrote because it felt really upgraded from when I started. Also, the theme is just everything, what’s not to love?

5. I’m Weaker Without You - oh this is the other fic I was squeezing in while writing the previous one and it was wild!!!! I basically wrote 30.4K words in 3 weeks and I was beyond shocked that words came to me (although I had to google the simplest of words and was shocked when I got answers because those were words I used everyday. Basically my brain was fried) that I could manage to write such a long fic!!! Apart from being proud of that, I just LOVE the drama I came up with. It wasn’t as entertaining to me because I knew how the story would progress, but it was a joy to write nonetheless!

6. Basic White Bitch - I’m added a 6th one because this was a very sudden fic and I’m so proud of it XD it’s unedited and was done and posted in a matter of 4 hours I think. It was savage and a dream of mine (that might never happen) so writing it down made so much sense.

I hope my answers are satisfying! Thank you so much for thinking of me and sending this ask! I wish you a wonderful weekend ahead ❤️

#my writing #fic rec

[gimme-a-thrust]

I finally am down to the last fic I need edited for Fizzarozzie Week. It is the longest of the bunch, which I started first, and finished second to last. Apparently I really wanted to write the girls because the Genderbent day ended up being almost 5k words.

For this, I wrote 4 sfw fics, and 3 nsfw fics. The total combined wc of all of the fully edited/finished sfw fics is less than half the total combined wc of nsfw fics, and that's not counting the unedited one that counts for more than half of that.

I feel like that might be hard to follow so:

Combined SFW WC: 4,619

NSFW WC without the Genderbent Fic (so all of the finished/edited ones): 4,688

Unedited Genderbent Fic WC: 4,792 (I expect this to go over 5k when I finish the editing, I almost always add a ton)

All in all, I think this is very telling about me as a writer.

#Mr. Meek Speaks (Key Talk) #My Fic #My Fanfic #My Fanfiction #My Writing

[halftheway]

4, 55, and 70 !!

4. what is the plot bunny you've been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven't written it yet and experience existential dread?

first of all i love the phrase plot bunny oh my god and second.. i don't really have any? i write at least a little bit for pretty much every idea i have & my problem is Finishing em. also i have no object permanence so once i forget abt em they're gone💀

55. do you have any abandoned WIP's? what made you abandon them?

dozens. mostly they're half formed ideas or i wrote all i could n wasn't interested anymore. that or my hyperfixation faded, rest in peace to all the critical role wips gathering dust in my google dogs.😔

70. are you very critical of your own writing? how much do you find yourself editing (either during the writing or after the fact)?

kind of? lately i'm in that weird spot where i'm good enough to recognize areas where i want to improve and not yet good enough to improve them to my satisfaction so. i'm constantly thinking I Can Do better. as for editing. i am always always editing💀 the way i write Requires it bc i start with very stream of consciousness nonsense and have to clean it up into actual Writing, and after that i'm always rereading & changing things up. and also i have a beta (hi ari<3) who helps me shape things up even more so the chances of me posting an unedited fic are Very slim

#answered #aliveburs

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Wednesday 15 August 1838

7 ¾

10

uncomfortable night – waking and slumbering dreaming myself among unclimbable mountains – hardly energy enough to get out of bed yet feeling almost stewed the hot sun glaring into my room and on to my bed thro’ the ½ sheet jalousies  - these 3 nights since my return home I have slept with the window open of my little adjoining room which (the door being always open close to the head of my bed) lets the night air blow round me – good? or not? – a little while with A- breakfast at 9 ¼ - very fine morning F75° at 9 am – breakfast and reading Galignani from 9 ¼ to 11 10 (ate no grapes or fruit this morning) – ¼ hour with A- from 11 ½ to 12 ¼ wrote the last 24 lines of the last p. and so far of this – amused to see in Galignani of this morning (published Saturday 11 August) p. 4 column 1 at the top, the following – ‘A Brussels paper states that some days ago 3 English ladies intrepidly descended into the coal-mines of St. Marguerite, at Liège, accompanied only by the head workman of the mine. One of them before she reached the bottom was overcome with fatigue, and was obliged to re-ascend; the 2 others preserved, and ultimately reached their destination without accident. They then proceeded thro’ the different galleries, bent nearly double, and obliged in many places to crawl on their hands and knees. By way of crowning their hardihood, they re-ascended by the cuffat, a mode of communication which is interdicted even to the workmen on account of its danger’ vid. Journal of Tuesday 15 May p. 185 was A- the Lady overcome with fatigue, and were George and I two? the other 

vide Galignani same p. and column at the bottom annual meeting of the académie des Inscriptions at Belles Letters historical prizes given to M. Laboulage, type-founder, for an account of the Incursions of the Arabs in Europe, Asia, and Africa – and to M. Desnoyers, for a Reduction of the weights and measures of France under the 1st races of [his] kings to the decimal system – the [numismational] price given to an English gentleman Mr.  Millingen for his Sylloge of ancient unedited coins – the archaeological medals were given to M. Berbrugger for his researches in North Africa; and to Messrs. Gaudet and Leroy for works on French antiquities – vide Galignani same p. col. 1 the congress of the German commercial league now sitting at Dresden occupied with the subject of a uniform currency –

SH:7/ML/E/21/0167

throughout the States associated with Prussia in the commercial league – a new silver coin to be struck = 2 Prussians thalers or 3 ½ florins – Switzerland is also on the part of adopting the French monetary system – had just written the above at 1 pm and stopped A-‘s letter to Washington A- in her letter of this morning to SW. on the same sheet as mine (mine taking ½ p.1) desires him to pay hers and my subscription to the H-x library and my ditto to the Literary and philosophical society then ate grapes – and about 1 ½ sat down to my accounts – at  2 10 dark cloud – a little distant thunder and gentle small rain falling amid gentle sunshine – at accounts till the horse came before 4 – had Charles up for ½ hour – Cazos not at home – might or might not be at home tonight – but it seems he had told Palasset at the auberge at Gèdre that I had not been at the top – Long talk with Charles who at last seemed to own that it would be better to consult somebody at a distance – 2 avocats, at Lourdes – I am in the mind to go there tomorrow if fine – Poor Charles! he is annoyed as well as I – the prince set his word quite at nought, as Charles said, considering him Charles as a party against Cazos – and Cazos the one to be believed against the 3 – Charles says the letter he saw that Cazos wrote to the price, and that Charles beau frère took to the price on Wednesday 8th instant (on his taking back our horses) was as follows – ‘La dame que j’air accompagnée au Vignemale n’a pas pu arrive qu’au glacier – alors vous pouvez venir en sureté. Cazos’ A- as much annoyed as I – all for going to Lourdes tomorrow – then while Charles was here and a peel of thunder – sent him away at 4 35 to return with the horses in an hour – A- wrote to Mr. Parker to look after her school master Mr. Hutchinson – make him pay to SW. the girls clothing club weekly premises since 30 April last – and what he has received from the children for books – and to get him off the premises on the 18th proximo – and see that Thorp pays his rent, and consult the Banks (Honley mill) lease to see that A- does not more repairs than she is obliged to do – she also wrote to the manager of the commercial bank to H-x to send her her account (on a short of common letter paper) from 1 January up to the time of his receiving her letter – had just written the last 18 lines at 5 ¼ when the horses came again – Lightning and loud peal of thunder now at 5 ½ but it does not rain that A- does not give up the thought of going out for an hour – leaves her letters for tonights’ post and with them mine written and dated to SW. yesterday vid. p. 317 out at 5 ¾ to the fabrique at Luz where A- bought 5 aunes mousseline de laine to line her old cloak – in returning rode a few minutes out on the Gavarnie road – home at 6 55 – dinner at 7 10 – ¼ hour with A- vivid lightning during dinner and afterwards but no rain – F74 ½° now at 8 50 pm – very hot fine day till the thunder and small rain about 2 pm and afterwards 1 or 2 light showers but not much – no rain while we were out or afterwards –

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Completely unedited and probably incoherent personal post that I didn't even try to justify writing about by connecting it to comedy in any way. Just needed to put it somewhere. Regular posting about comedians shall resume shortly.

A little while ago, I wrote about a friend of mine in a post, how we first became close 10 years ago, how we have been ever since, and at the end I said the connection between him and the actual topic of my post was a bit tenuous, I’d just taken any excuse to write about him because he was on my mind, I hadn’t heard from him in a while and was worried that he might be ruining his own life again. He does this sometimes. He’s very scatterbrained, he has almost no impulse control or organizational skills, sometimes I lose track of him and sometimes it means something’s gone wrong.

In that post I called him Rhod, because I don’t want to use his real name, and Rhod Gilbert reminds me of him, demanour-wise. Given the nature of this post, however, it feels weird to name him after any actual person again. So I’m going to call him Jacob. Because that isn’t his name but it also isn’t the name of anyone else in particular.

Like I said before, Jacob and I met in 2013 when I moved to a different city to compete on their university team, and he was there too. He was a little older than me, and a more successful wrestler than I was, he had stories of competing internationally that I was never quite good enough to get. I liked him, but I was also terrible at fitting in on the team where I didn’t know people, so I didn’t really get to know him or anyone else at first.

Long story short: end of the season, national championships, I’m in a quite important match, partway through I have a panic attack, the ref physically pulls me off the mat and drops me in my corner and says I have the three minutes of allotted injury time to get it together and be able to fight or I’ll forfeit, my actual coach is there but useless, the medical trainer is there but useless, Jacob is there as my teammate just to play backup/support to the actual coach, he immediately steps in, takes my hands, helps me breathe, gets me to bring what I’m aware of down from the entire arena full of screaming people down to just us, promises me I’ll be able to finish the match and won’t collapse again because he’ll be right there, I go back out and finish the match, I win, Jacob celebrates my win like he’s just won the championship, twelve hours later he and I are drunk in a hotel room at 3 AM and I’m telling him everything I think is wrong with the way our sport is run and he’s telling me how he ran away from home as a kid because his stepdad used to beat him up, because once you go through a moment like that one together, all emotional barriers are pretty much gone.

Years passed, I moved back to my home city and coached my home team, he moved to a bigger city and took a coaching job there, we lived five hours apart but saw each other almost every weekend at tournaments and talked on the phone regularly. We got elected to the provincial oversight board together and fought all our battles together to try to get rid of just the top few layers of corruption and predator protecting, mostly to no avail but we fucking tried. He saved my team thousands of dollars per year – and every one of those saved dollars meant my team was able to help more low-income athletes participate in the sport with their membership fees waived and their insurance/tournament fees covered – because when I told him it sucks that my team is full of athletes who don’t have the money for hotel rooms so even though we cover them as much as we can they can’t always afford to compete, Jacob told me that every time we compete near the major city where he lives, we should have our entire team bring sleeping bags and we can stay in the gym where he works. All of us – 20+ athletes and 4 or 5 coaches at most weekends – he let us spread out on the mats and all crash for free, any time we wanted. We sat in opposite corners from each other and took bets on whether my kids could beat up his kids. He got himself named coach of the provincial team and talked me into coming with him to big tournaments in the States to coach said provincial team, and I went even though I knew it would be a nightmare, and then the next year I went again even though I knew it had been a nightmare before, and by the end I told him that if I told him our friendship will not survive one more weekend like this and I will drown him in the Atlantic Ocean if he makes me sleep on another hotel room floor because he forgot to book enough rooms, but of course the next year I went again, one time I yelled at him in the middle of the night in the streets of Atlantic City because he was gambling in front of children “You know, I argue with people about you!” and he asked “What people?” and I said “People who think you’re not responsible enough to run a provincial team trip!”, because I do, people are always asking me why I’m so close with him even though he keeps doing incredibly stupid shit, and I can’t tell them it’s because he saved me one day in 2013, I just tell them he’s a good guy when you get to know him, I have defended him to a ludicrous degree, even when he didn’t make it easy, by doing things like gamble in front of children on a provincial team trip and then genuinely not know why I yelled at him in the street about it.

When he took an MMA fight in 2018, he was too nervous to tell his own people in case they came and possibly saw him lose, but he called me, and I drove 2.5 hours to theveorst small town I've ever seen, to see him fight in a cage they'd set up in a run-down dive bar-like building, where the guy nearly broke his nose but then Jacob got up and kicked the shit out of him, he won, and then we sat outside and I drank beer while he smoked a cigar and said he was glad I was there but I can't tell anyone what happened because it's too much pressure to live up to. And then he went and gambled all night because he does have quite a serious gambling problem. Though to be fair to him and not too sound too hypocritically condescending, I did then drink all night because I have a drinking problem. But at least I refrain from drinking in front of children. Anyway, that’s… that’s the short version of our relationship.

The last time I went so long without hearing from him, it was because he and his girlfriend had broken up, he ended up sleeping in his gym for a while, and then got kicked out of there due to some terrible decisions he made, which also meant losing his job, and had nowhere to go for a bit, though he did eventually end up back at a different gym and in a new apartment. During that time, I kept getting messages from mutual friends, from our old teammates, because people knew he’s fallen on hard times and kind of disappeared, and they knew I was close with him, and they texted me to ask if I knew if he was okay. And I didn’t. But eventually he started calling again, and he put things back together.

This year I didn’t hear from him for a few months. At first that was relatively normal; I’ll frequently send texts that don’t get answered because he sees a squirrel or something and then forgets about everything he was ever supposed to do before that moment. But he’ll usually reply to me if I follow up. And he usually calls me up every few weeks even if I don't contact him, more often if something’s actually going on. Sometimes less, it might be more like every few months sometimes. So I didn’t think much when the first text went unanswered, then a month later and I texted him again, still nothing. Then I heard from a couple of other people who know him, asking me if I know what’s going on with him, because they haven't heard from him lately. I didn’t know. I brought him up in a tenuously-related Tumblr post, because he was on my mind and writing about him made me feel a bit better, as I was worried he was ruining his own life again.

Well, we know the answer now. We have for a while, actually. A post appeared on Facebook a few weeks ago announced he’s having a baby. With a woman I’d never heard of. The last I heard there weren’t any women with whom he had a potential baby-creating relationship, though I don’t always keep track of those well.

It’s been over two weeks since that Facebook post went up and I haven’t messaged him. What the fuck are you supposed to say to a friend who’s proudly announced they’re having a kid, even though they definitely should not be having a kid? And this guy definitely should not be having a kid. It’s one of the worst ideas I can possibly imagine. I think almost no one should ever have a kid, but this guy really shouldn’t have a kid. Even my friends who think kids are mostly a good idea and most people should have them – even they think Jacob having a kid would be a disaster. And I know they think that, because they’re all messaging me asking what the fuck is going on with Jacob announcing that he’s having a child with a woman no one’s heard of. And I have to tell them I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him.

Because the thing is that if I send Jacob a text, 30% of the time I won’t hear back because he saw a squirrel. 10% of the time he texts me back. And 70% of the time, he calls me, anywhere from four seconds to ten days after I sent that text, to discuss that text via a vocal conversation.

I could figure out what to text him. It’s fucking weird, but if I put enough effort in, I could come up with some appropriate-sounding texts along the lines of “I see you are having a baby, that’s an interesting idea, what’s up?” But I couldn’t do a phone call. If I text him that and he calls me, I will have to maintain a tone of voice in a conversation that makes it seems like I think this is a reasonable idea. And I don’t know how to do that.

I’ve never had to do this with him before. More than that, our relationship has always been defined by us not having to do that with each other. If there’s a situation where I can’t be honest with anyone else, I can always be honest with Jacob. And I always know he’s being totally honest with me. I tell people that sometimes, when they ask me why I hang out with him even though he’s a mess, and I’m in my role as Jacob apologist. I say that actually, it’s very fucking relaxing to have a conversation with a guy who doesn’t have the psychological capacity to edit anything between his brain and his mouth. I never have to worry about where I stand with him or what he thinks of something, because he’ll just tell me. I never have to worry about editing what I say to him, because I know it can just be anything I'm thinking, even if that thing is "you're being a fucking idiot right now". I don't even realize how exhausting I find it to walk around avoiding saying what I think and guessing what other people think, until I talk to someone where I don't have to do that.

We’ve always been like that. When something horrible is happening and I have to spend all day around people who are letting it happen and at the end of it I feel like my mind is going to break from the effort it takes to pretend I think that’s fine, and I talk to my friends from my own team and they just say it’s a bit annoying but it’s not the end of the world, I call Jacob at the end of the day and whatever horrible furious things I think he understands. And he calls me and tells me how angry he gets and how fucked up everything is and I know he’s not covering anything up.

When my friend died a few years ago, the moment I heard the news, the very first thing I did was call Jacob. I didn’t even move. I found out via a text that came from someone who’d heard from the person who found the body. I read the text, and then didn’t even stand up, I just called Jacob. Didn’t think through the fact that in reaching out for someone to talk to, I’d also be putting myself in the position to have to break devastating news to someone who didn’t already know it, because the guy who died was a friend of Jacob’s too. They were competing at the same time and at about the same level. My friend who died used to tell stories in the pub about how wild things used to get on Team Canada trips with Jacob, when they were running around Europe and Asia together. Quite a bit more wild than just gambling in front of some kids in Atlantic City, it turns out.

Anyway, I called Jacob to tell him what happened, but he was at work, and then the reality of what I’d be doing to him hit me, and I said this can wait until he’s done because I can’t ruin his day. He could hear how upset I was, and just the week before I’d been on the phone with him while I was panicking about COVID, and he’d told me I can always call him if I’m having a panic attack and want someone to talk to, and I realized he thought that’s what this was, that I was calling to talk through anxiety and just didn’t want to burden him with that at work, so he told me it’s fine, he can take a break, just tell him what’s wrong. And I realized I wasn’t preparing him for the news properly, I was making him expect irrational anxiety and then I was going to drop something so much worse on him, and I didn’t know how to lay the groundwork so while he was telling me to calm down I just cut him off mid-sentence and said “[Guy’s name] is dead,” and I remember being shocked at how fast his voice turned from calm and reassuring to barely being able to speak through tears. The news had taken some time to hit me but it didn’t for Jacob, the very first words he said after I told him, he was already crying.

And in the few weeks that followed we talked a lot, and I realized why my instinct was to call him first, rather than my friends from my own team who’d been in those pubs with me and the guy who died. And it was because I didn’t trust myself to be appropriate enough for them. I told one of them that I couldn’t stop thinking about our other friend, who’d recently been kicked out of the group for trying to fuck a teenager, and how colossally unfair it was that he hadn’t died instead. I asked if she’d had any thoughts like that and she said… no, that’s a weird thing to be thinking right now, petty stuff like that doesn’t matter. I called up Jacob and told him the same thing and he sat on the phone with me and we made lists of people who deserved to die more than the guy who actually did.

A couple of years later, when a coach we both knew died, Jacob found out before I did, and he called me to break the news. We hadn’t been incredible close with that guy so it wasn’t anywhere near the same level of devastating grief, but we still knew and liked him, it was sad, we were sad together. A month later it came out that that guy had committed suicide because he was about to go to court for sexually abusing a teenage girl. Every other person I knew talked about how it was a weird mixed emotions situation, conflicting anger at him with it still being sad that he died, not knowing how to feel. Again I felt alienated, like I was the only one who had my reaction, which was: “He deserved to die and I’m glad he’s fucking dead.” I called up Jacob and told him about the reason for the guy’s death. First thing Jacob said was “Well the right thing happened then. It’s good that he died.”

This is a fucking weird set of examples. I swear Jacob and I have bonded over more than just agreeing that some people deserve to die. Those are just the first examples that come to mind because I’m trying to explain how much our relationship has been defined by him being the one person I can go to with my very worst thoughts and it’s okay because we can say anything to each other. And it turns out my thoughts about who deserves to really genuinely die are my worst ones. I can walk around all day listening to people say polite things about polite circumstances until I can’t stand the politeness anymore, and my friendship with Jacob is an escape where no one has to be polite.

Last spring, when my then-roommate tried to kick me out of my house and I was scared of where I’d live, and he had someone subletting for him whom I couldn’t stand being around for horrible petty reasons and she had a friend over that I couldn’t be around and I got home from work to find I couldn’t be in my own house, and all my other friends were off with their partners or wherever else and I couldn’t talk to them anyway because they’d tell me to just get over it and go home because it’s not worth getting so angry about, so I just walked off to a field and sat down to wait for my house to clear out so I could have somewhere to go, I called Jacob and told him all the most petty horrible reasons why I couldn’t go home, and he told me this sport is better with me in it and principles are worth having. And then he talked shit about a bunch of people from his own team who were annoying him until I forgot about my stuff. It was lovely. Two weeks later he called me when he'd been stuck outside his own living situation for similarly stupid reasons. And I talked shit with him as well.

This is what we do. We’re honest with each other. But I’ve learned in the last few years that that’s a big thing that changes when you go from your twenties to your thirties. In my twenties, my friendships were mainly based around me and some guys making fun of each other and making jokes about everything each other did. You know, basic juvenile and sometimes probably problematic – but successful – ways to bond. But when you get older, your friends start making serious, long-term decisions, and you’re not allowed to make fun of those because those are for real. And while there can be some nebulous difficulty in working out what is and isn’t fair game, the two hard and fast rules is you are never ever allowed to question their choice of serious romantic partner, or their choice to have kids. You just can’t.

I don’t fully understand all the rules around that – I just know that serious adult relationships have rules about how people outside the relationship are not allowed to know too much about it and are definitely not allowed to think it’s a bad idea, and if those people break that rule, they have to be cut off for the sake of the relationship. So because I know I’m not great at intuitively knowing where the line is (you know, autism), I try to err on the side of caution, and whenever my friends get into serious relationships, I just stop ever asking them anything about that side of their life, and if they volunteer a story about it, I just nod and say “Oh cool” and say absolutely nothing else and express no opinion whatsoever, no matter how much I’m thinking “This seems like a terrible idea.” But that’s so fucking awkward, it is anywhere from really annoying to outright psychologically painful to have to hang out with someone while constantly avoiding saying what I’m thinking, so I end up spending less and less time with that person, until they eventually break up, and then I’m allowed to say “Oh yeah, that seemed like a terrible idea,” and then we can be friends again. Until they find someone new and the cycle repeats.

But this was never an issue with Jacob. I never felt like there was something I couldn’t say to him. It was such a big deal to feel like there was nothing I couldn’t say to him, and nothing he couldn’t say to me. Not that he always did tell me every single thing that happened to him, or vice-versa. He doesn’t know I have a Tumblr blog and have tried stand-up comedy. I didn’t know he’d impregnated someone, at least until I saw it on Facebook. We’ve both got our own stuff going on, it's normal in our ten-year friendship to go months without talking. But I’ve always felt like I could say anything to him, and if I haven’t, it’s just because it hasn’t come up.

When a friend gets a partner and then we slowly drift apart until they break up – that’s not going to happen here. Jacob is never, ever going to not have that kid. That’s forever. And I know that is not what matters in this situation, at all. What matters is that this is going to do – whatever it’s going to do – to his life. What matters is a kid is going to be born to a guy who is not equipped to raise a kid. That’s what matters. That’s what I’ve been talking about with my friends, as we discuss what the fuck Jacob is thinking, and I apologize to them for not having the Jacob-based inside information I’d normally have, because I haven’t spoken to him.

I can’t tell them that I’m worried about the fact that a permanent barrier has gone up in a friendship I thought would always be there, because I’d look like a terrible person, for even considering that in the face of these much more important things. And that’s why instead, I am putting that concern on my Tumblr blog. It’s not even the classic case of “My friend’s having a kid and I’m worried they won’t have time for me anymore.” I mean, that is a huge issue in most cases, but probably not really here. Jacob and I have always had a long-distance friendship that can ebb and flow and be picked up where it left off. He could still do that with a kid, it’s not about that. It’s that I’m never going to be able to have a fully honest conversation with him again, he’s going to become just another person I have to bite my tongue around, and pretend I think this terrible idea is a good one. I’ve spent years outright telling him when I think he’s being a fucking idiot, but now he’s done the one thing I’m not allowed to question.

Even though you can't fucking do that. You just can't. You can't mess around with bad decisions when there's an innocent kid involved. I realize it's horrifically selfish of me to be worried about my friendship when the real problem is a kid. Why the fuck is the one decision no one's allowed to question, a decision this big and important and such a huge problem if someone gets it wrong? I know it's my worst opinion that no one should have a kidcunless they're incredibly prepared for every eventuality, which he is definitely not and almost no one else is either, but he's even less than most people, he's always been my friend who makes dumb decisions and I defend him and apologize for him because I love him despite his flaws and he accepts mine too. But if you're going to live like that, you can't involve an innocent kid.

[hardynwa]

Mrs. Adebisi Kuforiji speaks about her life and her book YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE

Hello, kindly give us a brief introduction about yourself.: My name is Adebisi Kuforiji, and my maiden name is Adegbite. The first of 6 siblings (I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters in that order). I am a single mother of 4 grown children, and a stepmom to an amazing son. I’m blessed to have 2 grand babies too. I will be 59 years old on the 24th of August 2023. 24 is a special number in my family. My ex-husband was born on the 24th of August, my first daughter was born on the 24th of June, and the twins, on April 24th. What is your book all about? : My book started with an experience I had when I went in for surgery in a teaching hospital in Ibadan, Nigeria. When I came back for review, I had an emergency and I was rushed and admitted to a teaching hospital in Lagos, after a couple of hours, I was declared dead and my sister was given a notification of death so she could go get the death certificate. I was clinically dead. I had a lot of witnesses, around 16 people or so. During the time I was declared dead, I had a major out of body experience and I decided to put everything I saw into writing during that transition because I believe it was God giving me another chance to be able to tell people about that story. Also, I have always wanted to write a book, my dad wanted to write one but he died before he could achieve that. He died in 2013 and in January 2014 I decided to write a book and launch it on my 50th birthday which was August 24, 2014. The book has so many chapters, Memories With Dad because my dad was so special to me. Unlucky In Love because I have been married once and I had a relationship with another so I have 4 children with 2 fathers. I talked about my work experience, traveling around the world because I love love love traveling. I ended the book with The People’s Parliament, an unedited chapter about people talking about the Adebisi they know. What inspired the topic?: Well, it is exactly what the book is (laughs) about. I saw that I had a first life until I was declared dead and the 2nd life is what I am going to live until I go to heaven. So You Only Live Twice is God giving me a second chance at life. The SECOND is in caps and underlined. What would you say is the most difficult part of writing the book?: I would say, distractions. I started writing the book when I was on my way to Abuja one morning and my flight was delayed. I lost my dad 6 months prior so I had so many fresh memories. I started with a chapter titled Fatherhood With Dad, although I had to make it the 3rd chapter in the book. I had almost finished that chapter by the time I boarded the flight. Anywhere I went, I would quickly scribble something on my laptop whenever I felt the urge to write but then, after a while, I started getting distracted and I wasn’t able to write anything anymore. However, it got easier knowing that it is not rocket science to write about oneself. It is not fiction, it happened so you just have to determine how much you want to put out there. What did you edit out of this book? : (laughs) What I really edited in this book was major experiences in both my relationships, my marriage, and the partnership I had with the second person. I edited a lot. In fact, I had to show my kids the manuscript. So many things happened to me that I could only say by mouth, if I had written everything, those guys' reputations would have been destroyed for life but then, I had to remember that they are the fathers of my kids. So I had to restrain myself from writing some things about them. These were the major things I edited from the book. What was your real-life work schedule like when writing the book?: I wrote the book in my leisure time. It was like a hobby. Or watching a movie. Or playing Candy Crush. Or listening to music. It did not really disrupt my real-life work schedule. I have been an entrepreneur since 1989. That’s like 34 years, so my work wasn’t distracted by the book. When did you first realize you wanted to be a writer?: it was when I was 10 years old. I have always been good with composition, and how to express myself. I never had the problem of putting down my thoughts on paper or diary. When I was 10 years old, for my birthday party, I wrote a play and my friends came around to rehearse days before we entertained on D-Day. When I was in secondary school, I was really active in the drama group. I used to write a lot of short stories. My parents were abroad, so whenever I write them letters, it was always the stories of what happened to me in school. So I have always wanted to be a writer since I was 10 years old, however, writing this book was inspired by my father not being able to write his own book before he passed on. What was one of the most surprising things you learned in creating your book?: when I was writing this book, I realized that I have a very interesting life. I realized what I was meant to do while writing this book, is to impact lives with my experience. I knew I was going to inspire people with my story. While writing, I got to know that the book would minister to single women, married women, CEOs, travelers, etc. This surprised me a lot as I found out the book would be more useful than the original plan. Have you gone on any literary pilgrimages? : Oh yes I have. There was a time I went back to my family home in Abeokuta to research my heritage. I even took pictures of my family home. My father’s paternal home, my mom’s maternal home, and paternal homes. I asked questions, went to the grave sites, and got to know more about my family tree. I have my family tree in the book. I treasure my family so much. I got the original panegyrics (Oriki) from old people. All the people that helped me then have died now so it was indeed worth it to embark on the literary pilgrimage and have an audio recording. How many books have you written? Which is your favorite?: Just this book, You Only Live Twice. However, I have another one coming up titled See You Sooner Than You Think. I plan on launching it on my 60th birthday. You Only Live Twice was launched on my 50th birthday. For now, You Only Live Twice is my favorite. Does writing energize or exhaust you? Or both? : it energizes me and I am grateful for that gift. I love trying to get words in my mind. If it was just left to people like me, Google would not be useful. Writing energizes me, it never exhausts me. It only happens when I have to respond to messages like happy new month / happy Easter, which trigger me because my OCD will not rest until I respond to all. If you could spend a day with another popular author, whom would you choose and why?: it would be John Grisham! John Grisham!! John Grisham!!! I love that guy, his stories appear so real. And that’s why I can't bring myself to watch any of his book adaptations in movies because they could not capture the real story. A Time To Kill, The Partner, RunAway Jury, The Partner. I really love John Grisham. If your book were made into a movie, which actors would play your characters?: 1. for my dad, Olu Jacobs would be awesome for that. For myself, it would be either Joke Silva or Sola Sobowale because there are a lot of things they do that remind me of myself. I know both of them are different in the way they act but they can play me well. For the other characters, I don’t know who will play my kids, I would have to research that but definitely, I am going to use Nigerians because there are other factors that the Americans will not get. For example, during your Omugwo period when people are supposed to look after you and you’re making amala for your inlaws. The Americans will not get that one (laughs) but a Nigerian will get that 'if you’re not lucky in marriage, anything can happen'. What are the most important magazines for writers to subscribe to?: The only 2 that I know and subscribed to are The Writer and The Writer’s Digest because they are very relevant in updating on how to do your work. In fact, I got to know that if you’re not on Amazon, you have not started marketing your book. I think The Newyorker too is good but those 2 are my top magazines I would recommend anyone to subscribe to. How many unpublished and half-finished books do you have?: I have one half-finished book and would classify it as unpublished, See You Sooner Than You Think. I have some notes I am helping my daughter with, she is also writing a book and she said I would be a co-author but I won't count that yet, so for now. It is just one. If you could tell your younger writing self anything, what would it be?: just 3 words, No Holds Barred. Anything that you're going to write about yourself, please don’t edit anything out because when you die, who else is going to tell your story? That’s what I have realized about writing biographies. You need to let it all out or just forget it. That’s what I will tell my younger writing self; No Holds Barred. What advice would you give to a writer working on their first book?: take your time, and don’t be under any pressure. For the first book, although it is good for you to get it right it doesn’t have to be perfect. No pressure, do whatever you can, and make sure you enjoy doing it. Writing is not supposed to be a job you’re forced to do, forget about the money, it will come if people enjoy your book. So just do it for your pleasure. For example, if you’re a writer of fiction, make sure you use tangible characters and places people can identify with. When you’re doing things like star wars, NASA, etc, make sure you research properly so you don’t go off point when writing certain scenes. No pressure is what I will really advise a first-time writer because the book is what you’re going to own for life, it’s yours to keep and own. You’ll get paid royalties for life so you might as well do it well but it doesn’t have to be perfect. So again, no pressure, make sure you enjoy doing it. Whatever the topic is, make sure you enjoy it and come out with the best you can because it’s going to get better with your second and third books. Read the full article

[thisishowtowrite]

How to Write a Story

Since I am a well established source on writing, considering I run a Tumblr blog where I validate your lack of confidence and skill, I thought that I would bless you with the basic run down on the most objective pathway to writing a story. Please note that you shouldn't mess with this in any way, as like a finely crafted first draft, everything here is rigid and uneditable. So just go by the path that I've put out for you, since you should always trust me.

1. Work first and foremost with the mindset that you are a genius

2. You're also incredibly talented and your work is not flawed at all.

3. The world is full of, well, to use 2010 speak, haters. Cut them out of your life and be sure to send them a copy of your published book with "I wrote a character based on you" scribbled on the first page.

4. You might have heard that writer's need to be around people in order to write about people, and that your lived experience of the day to day life is the key to figuring out the niche's of human existence, but those people are all extroverts. Since you're one of my followers, I have no doubt that you're an introvert.

5. The thing with introversion is that it does in fact make you smarter. You are a genius. You are a complete genius. Look me in the face and see that you are a genius smart introvert. And you're not even cringe!

6. As such (the above two points) lead to my conclusion of this section, in that you should not have any friends, close relationships, and you should avoid people in the grocery store. Intense social and physical isolation is both good for your mental health and your art. And you're not just a Writer but an Artist too, yes you are!

7. Remember that inherently deserve massive success, and that we live in a world where every single person who writes can be met with large-scale popularity. If that's not happening for it it's probably someone else's fault entirely.

8. World building is the only important part of your work. The only part. Regardless of the genre, you should have a dedicated world building document, preferably 1.5x the size of your goal piece length. You never know if your audience won't know what you know. I mean, I personally haven't ever experienced a ray of sunshine, so please explain for me please please please please please please please please please it sounds very beautiful

9. You don't have to ever start on the words before you begin marketing. Any relationships you do make accidentally or you can't cut off should be used to further your project's marketing.

10. You are very interesting.

11. Remember that if you fail to succeed, you can always make video essays on the internet. Maybe throw in some skits throughout them. You definitely have an interesting perspective! No one else is doing this so I think you'd want to get on ASAP before it becomes overdone.

12. You are not your worst critic, your English teacher is :)

13. You are very special. You deserve special things. You deserve better treatment than the rest because of your fragility/naivety/genius

14. Don't consume things you don't understand. I mean this seriously. What value does all that stress on your brain do for you? Shouldn't you use that time and effort to add more pages to your world building document, or to roleplay on Tumblr (counts as writing) Life is about not only always seeking comfort but knowing you deserve to live a life free from any sense of uncertainty. Revel in your comfort, soak in your dissatisfaction. There is no other way to live.

15. Give up!

#writeblr #writing #writers #writing guides

[hobgayblin]

Happy 4/4 I finally sat down and wrote my 2000 word essay on Jhin’s gay coding and why he’s a gay gay homosexual gay

I think tumblr is still weird with links so I’m going to post it under the cut and also link in the comments.

IMPORTANT NOTES: 1. I am insane I know this thank you mwah 2. This is mostly unedited because I am tired so if things sound weird I’m sorry gdfhfs 3. This is not meant for argument I don’t care if you think he’s another sexuality but I don’t want to hear it on my post about why he’s gay. I will block you ❤️

The (Probably Unintentional) Gay Coding of Khada Jhin

Since his release in 2016 Jhin as a character has hexed and bewitched me, a humble homosexual. Jhin is to date still one of the most interesting characters in League of Legends in all aspects: design, theme, lore, and character wise. One thing that has also caught my interest about him in all my insanity driven frantic delving into his character is the very subtle gay coding that exists in the writings about him. Very subtle meaning of course, easy to ignore and in some cases perhaps not even canon any more, (such as background information that was given about him on old official riot boards that have since been taken down). The coding still exists, however, and I’m going to unearth it like an archaeologist driven by some divine madness to tell everyone why this pixel man is gay.

To start off, it’s important to understand what gay coding is as well as why and how it’s used. Gay– or the more general Queer-- coding is a type of subtext in media used to imply a character is LGBT+ in nature without explicitly stating it1. Historically it’s been used in times where creators are legally unable to confirm such things, or cannot otherwise because of moral taboos against queer people. The same is still true now, especially for big game studios like Riot who don’t want to confirm their character’s being gay due to queer content being restricted in some countries internationally. However, this phenomenon cannot be blamed by that alone, as it is still largely due to homophobia in League’s NA servers, and Riot’s cowardice. This is especially true for not confirming characters as gay men as opposed to the several lesbians and bisexual women riot has confirmed, but that’s a topic I’ll get into later. Now to explain how the gay coding works it’s very simple: Use tropes commonly associated with gay people. To explain how some of these tropes are used, we’ll look into Jhin’s actual character, quotes, and backstory.

Immediately looking into the backbone of Jhin’s character we find the arts. He’s very theatrical, even working in the theater for quite a while in his youth, and obviously obsessed with creating art. While these aren’t exclusive to gay people by any means, these are both interests that are highly prevalent in gay communities and used to make characters in media read as obviously gay. Theater and the arts are also seen as more feminine, flamboyant, and campy in nature, which is also tied to gay men. Obviously Jhin isn’t interested in theater like a character from Glee, but he certainly fits into the role of “flamboyant performance artist5,” just more nuanced and evil. Again, obviously not every man interested in theater can be typecast as gay. The flamboyant nature and tone of most of his voice lines and speech mannerisms2,6 that go with his theater background, however, make it very gay. I don’t even have a semi-academic or succinct way to describe how the tone and wording choices for Jhin read as gay (without taking 10 pages to discuss every line). I, as a gay man, simply look through or listen to the words he says and think “okay [SLUR REDACTED]” we get it, you’re gay. Moving away from the association with theater and flamboyancy as obvious gay signaling, there are some other bits of Jhin’s character that read as gay as well.

On his release or near it, one of Jhin’s writers did an AMA (ask me anything) about him and his backstory. Tragically, the original boards were deleted, but a summary of some of the points was made by a reddit user4 on a discussion of his backstory. Before getting into it, it is important to note that technically none of what has been said in the forums/reddit threads is official canonical lore, or could be easily retconned in future stories, but I will be discussing it anyway because I think it’s important to the character. In the thread the fact that stands out the most to me is Jhin’s strained relationship with his father. Even going so far as to say “his father never accept[ed] him for who he was4.” Which of course is probably in reference to a young Jhin’s budding fascination with death, but is also the most explicit, slap to the face instance of gay coding in his character. The exact phrasing of his father “not accepting him for who he was” is a sentiment gay men, and other queer people, can frequently relate to and is usually used in media to tell that a character is gay. Again it has the plausible deniability of being about Jhin’s interests instead, and being on a social media board instead of written into canon, but it’s some of the only information we have regarding Jhin’s younger life/relationship with his family at this point in time. Going along with that also there is a point in the thread about Jhin’s father forcing him to learn his method of fighting with chi-daggers as opposed to letting him learn his own way (and then him rebelling by learning his own way anyway)4. This point isn’t directly related, but it’s not unusual for fathers to try to force their gay/seemingly gay sons into more “masculine” activities (such as fighting in this case) as if that will steer them away from being gay. Moving away from the bits of technically unconfirmed backstory (for now), there’s more to explore in his canonical interactions as well. 

Up to this point in my analysis most of Jhin’s coding can be interpreted as a general sort of queer coding. Everything mentioned could also be applicable to bisexual men or any other form of queer man as well, but Jhin has something extra that really pushes him into the category of specifically homosexual, in my eyes. In almost every instance of writing Jhin has been in, whether it be the Zed comic, or his short stories, or even his voice lines in the game itself, Jhin has shown explicit disinterest in women. The in-game voice lines are the most subtle of them for sure, and could probably be taken as misogyny instead of a nod to homosexuality. With how he comments on Miss Fortune “needing a wardrobe upgrade6” and Illaoi wearing “too much gold6” it doesn’t just read as him being rude, it invokes a couple other staples of gay tropes: 1. Being a catty bitch, and 2. Having an interest in and commenting on people’s fashion choices. This isn’t limited to the women either, he also comments on Tahm Kench’s fashion choices in two separate voice lines, so he clearly has at least a passing interest in fashion (gay). In the comic and his short story, however, his disinterest is much more explicit. He has, on multiple occasions, referred to women as looking “boring”-- In both the Zed comic2, when he is talking about a woman Zed has a crush on, and also his color story The Man With The Steel Cane3, when he is referring to a woman at an inn he’s staying at. Perhaps he is just talking about how boring conventionally attractive women look, but in a world where every single character is made to be beautiful and conventionally attractive I doubt there would be any women he doesn’t find boring. And also given his highly theatrical character, “boring” seems to be one of the worst things Jhin could find someone; how could he make art out of something boring, something devoid of inspiration? This also sticks out as disinterest in women due to the fact that it’s been said more than once, in what is technically two-thirds of the written stories for him. One could argue he is also not interested in men or any other gender either, and in fact the same message boards that gave us some of his backstory would agree with that. However, I am gay and I make the rules.

Much of this coding as well as a couple other things could potentially point towards Jhin being asexual, or even both gay and ace. Unfortunately I cannot find a good source, but I remember another AMA answer floating around of Jhin being called “gunsexual” when one of his writers was asked about his sexuality. Now, ignoring the minor homophobia of making a joke out of his sexuality, this can be interpreted in a couple ways. It can be interpreted as Jhin being asexual, and disinterested in anything aside from his gun, the source of his artistic expression. Or, it can be interpreted as dodging the question of sexuality because Riot cannot/doesn’t want to confirm characters (especially men) as being gay. I find it important to note that this, while a joke, does point to him being queer in some respect though, as I feel a joke would not be made to keep his sexuality vague were he just simply heterosexual. Going back to a previous point, I think Riot is dancing around Jhin being gay because they know announcing a champion, especially a popular champion, as gay will receive backlash. Looking again at characters they have officially announced as gay there are a number of lesbians (Neeko, Leona, Diana, Caitlyn, Vi possibly Nidalee), and bisexual women (Rell, Nami, arguably some in the lesbian category), but only one gay/queer man (Varus). This is because of a double whammy of homophobia and lesbophobia, wherein lesbians are more marketable to their huge userbase of cis heterosexual men due to prevalence of lesbian fetishization, and also gay men are reviled and would be seen as “ruining a character” due to the rampant homophobia of the same group. Which is to say, unfortunately I don’t think Jhin will ever exist as gay outside of just his subtle coding. That is a whole separate issue I could go on about at length, however that is not the topic of this essay.

Looking back at what has been discussed, it is incredibly clear to me personally that Jhin is a gay man. Possibly also an asexual man; though I personally feel that would be, in a canon sense specifically, a bad move for Riot to make him asexual. I do agree Jhin can be read as asexual and I appreciate ace Jhin headcanons from other fans, however, in the context of canon sexuality I think it would be sweeping all of his explicitly gay coding under the rug and label him as anything but gay. That, again, is another whole conversation to have in a place that is not this essay. Looking at Jhin’s backstory, his interests and mannerisms, his several accounts of disinterest in women, and other smaller details of his character, I feel it is fair to say this man is absolutely homosexual. He may be too busy with his art and murders to seek a relationship, but this man loves other men.

References: (version with links attached in comments)

1. “Queer coding”, Wikipedia, last modified on 28 March, 2022, 

2. Shafer, Odin. Zed, Issue #2 (other issues referenced as well), Marvel Worldwide Inc, 2019-2020.

3. Shafer, Odin. “The Man With The Steel Cane.” 

4. @la_goanna."Jhin's Family/ Backstory." Reddit, 2020, 

5. TV Tropes.  Performance Artist.(See also: All Gays Love Theater) 

6. League of Legends Fandom Wiki. Jhin/LoL/Audio. 

#League of Legends #jhin #khada jhin #character analysis #art of legends #sorry im insane about this fictional man do you still think im sexy haha #🎭