#i would love to find monster prom for the first time again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

natashasfilms · 2 years

Text

Chapter Sixteen - Crushed

Summary: With the days leading up to the fall, Aria had hoped to spend her last summer after high school with her friends before she went off to college. She didn’t expect to deal with the monsters she and her friends supposedly defeated months ago once again, nor did she think she had to deal with heartbreak in the process.

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Original Female Character

Warnings: This story contains mature themes such as sexual content, strong language, violence, mentions of alcohol and drugs, blood, gore, and death.

Note: I imagine Aria Kaul as South Asian but I have decided to let you, the reader, imagine her appearance, hence the reason why I have not given her a face claim. However, her race does not affect the story, whatsoever. You, as the reader, are free to imagine her however you want. If you don’t see her as South Asian, then that’s fine. It won’t affect the storyline.

Series Masterlist

While the group was driving their way towards Starcourt Mall, Steve and his coworker Robin were currently in the bathroom, emptying their stomachs into the toilet.

“You think we puked it all up?” Steve asked the girl, leaning against the wall.

“Maybe. Ask me something.” Robin told him. “Interrogate me.” She spoke in a Russian accent.

“Okay. Interrogate you. Sure.” Steve thought of a question. “Um...When was the last time you, uh, peed your pants?”

“Today.” Robin admitted.

“What?” Steve asked, shocked.

“When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw.” She laughed. “It was just a little bit, though.”

The two laughed at what she said. “Yeah, it's definitely still in her system.” Steve joked.

“All right, my turn.” Robin spoke up.

“Okay. Hit me.”

Robin thought of a question. “Have you...ever been in love?”

Steve’s heart skipped a beat. “Yep. Aria Kaul. First semester, freshmen year.” He admitted, his mind imagining the girl’s beautiful face.

“Huh. Not bad.” She hummed. “Are you still in love with Aria?”

“Oh, yeah.” He stated, a sad smile on his face. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving her. It's crazy.” He started thinking back to what Dustin told him a few days ago. “Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying, ‘You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie. Don’t let Aria go.’”

“Wait, who's Suzie?” Robin asked.

“It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend.” Steve answered. “To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real. But that's not...that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, is that Aria and I…we…” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t want to hold her back from her dreams so I let her go. She deserves so much better than me.” He sighed. “I wasted so much time because of my stupid actions. Because I thought being popular was everything. Because maybe Tommy H. would've made fun of me or...I wouldn't be...prom king.”

He laughed, his mind going back to all the memories of the said girl.

“It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with her this whole time.” He felt tears threaten to fall from his eyes. “She means the world to me and I don’t think she even realizes it. Sometimes I think about how we probably could’ve made it work if we didn’t overthink things. Maybe at this moment, we would be in bed and she would be in my arms and I would hold her close to me.” He paused, waiting for Robin to say something. “Robin? Robin, did you just OD in there?”

“No.” She whispered. “I...am still alive.” Steve slid under the stall, sitting inside the same one as Robin now. “The floor's disgusting.”

“Yeah, well, I already got a bunch of blood and puke on my shirt, so…” He looked at her. “What do you think?”

“About?” Robin questioned.

“Aria.”

She nodded her head. “She sounds…great.”

Steve sighed, remembering what the girl had told him back at the Russian base. “I know what you said earlier and I wanted to say…I’m sorry.” Robin furrowed her eyebrows, confused. “You know, Mrs. Click’s class?” Robin motioned an “Oh” with her lips, nodding her head. “I’m sorry for never noticing you but…my heart’s always going to be with Riya, but I don’t want that to affect our friendship—“

Robin started laughing, shaking her head. “Do you really think that I have a crush on you?” She asked, looking up.

Steve’s lips parted, furrowing his brows. “Uh…what?”

“Do you remember what I said? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?” Robin asked him, a little nervous.

“Yeah.”

“It isn't because I had a crush on you.” Robin admitted. “It's because...she wouldn't stop staring at you.”

“Mrs. Click?” Steve asked, confusion lacing his voice.

“Aria Kaul.” Her voice was shaky, not wanting to admit it but continuing to do so, anyway. “I wanted her to look at me. But...she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag.” Steve was slowly trying to process what she was saying, his eyes boring into the girl. “And...And you guys weren’t even friends anymore and...I would go home…and just scream into my pillow.” She finished, motioning her hands.

“But Aria's a girl.” Steve stated.

The inner corner of Robin’s eyebrows were angled up. “Steve.” She whispered.

“Yeah?” Steve said. Robin exhaled a sharp breath, looking at him. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know. “Oh.”

“Oh.” Robin repeated, looking down.

“Holy shit.” Steve breathed out, leaning back.

“Yeah. Holy shit.” She looked at the boy who was silent. “Steve...Did you OD over there?”

“No, I was just, uh…just thinking.” He answered. “Well, we have really great taste in girls.”

Robin chuckled. “Yeah.” She looked at him. “I also had this huge crush on Tammy Thompson.”

“No way.” Steve laughed.

They made it to the mall, walking inside to see people evacuate the building. This confused them. Why were people leaving?

That’s when they noticed men in black uniforms telling people to leave, so they all hid, waiting for the place to become empty to see what they would do.

They noticed them walking closer to one of the stands, guns raised. Aria’s eyes widened when she saw them. They were trying to attack the person or people behind the counter.

As the men got closer, Aria and the group stood behind Eleven, who decided to use her powers. She started making the car in the mall go off, causing the men to turn around to hear the honking noises. They were shocked, looking up to see Eleven’s hand out, with the group standing behind her.

Then, Eleven threw the car at the men, killing them instantly. The people who were behind the counter raised their heads to see what happened, shock written all over their faces.

When they lifted their heads, Aria was surprised to see Steve, Dustin, Robin, and Lucas’ younger sister Erica. Why were the men after them?

They rushed downstairs to meet them, everyone relieved and happy to see each other. Aria and Steve made eye contact, giving one another a small smile. Her heart ached when she saw his face, all beaten up. She wanted to ask what happened to him but kept her distance, not knowing where they stood at the moment.

She saw the kids hug Dustin, happy to see their friend after not doing so in a few days.

They all formed a circle, trying to figure out what just happened.

“Lucas?” Erica asked, shocked to see her brother.

“What are you doing here?” Lucas exclaimed, arms in the air, not knowing why the hell his younger sister was here.

“Ask them. It's their fault.” Erica pointed a finger towards Steve, Dustin, and Robin.

“True, yeah. Totally true. It's absolutely our fault.” Steve admitted, causing Aria to raise an eyebrow at him.

“I don't understand what happened to that car.” Robin asked, still confused.

“El has superpowers.” Dustin gestured towards Eleven.

“I'm sorry?” Robin asked again.

“Superpowers. She threw it with her mind.” Steve said, motioning with his hands. “C'mon, catch up.”

“That's El?” Erica pointed a finger towards Eleven.

“Who's El?” Robin asked, still having so many questions.

“I'm sorry, who are you?” Nancy asked, wondering why a random girl was with them.

“I'm Robin.” She introduced herself. “I work with Steve.” Aria couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. She had no reason to but still, the feeling wasn’t nice.

“She cracked the top secret code.” Dustin told them.

“Yeah, which is how we found out about the Russians.” Steve added.

Aria’s breath hitched. “Russians?” She asked.

“Wait, what Russians?” Jonathan questioned.

“The Russians!” Steve exclaimed, not knowing why no one was understanding.

“Those were Russians?” Max asked.

“Some of them.” Erica said.

“What are you talking about?” Lucas threw his hands in front of him.

“Didn't you hear our code red?” Dustin asked them.

“Yeah.” Mike said. “And I couldn’t understand half of what you were saying.”

“Goddamn low battery.” Dustin exclaimed, angrily.

Steve started slapping his hands. “How many times do I have to tell you with the low battery?”

“Well, everything worked out, didn't it Steve?” Dustin reassured him.

“Worked out?” Erica exclaimed. “We almost died.”

Aria suddenly zoned out their voices as her eyes followed Eleven, who seemed to break away from the group. The girl’s hands were over her ears and Aria started to get worried. She too, started to break away from the group, about to ask the girl what was wrong when she noticed her starting to lose her balance. She immediately rushed to her side, catching her in her arms before she hit the floor.

Everyone turned around to see the two girls on the ground, Aria holding Eleven in her arms as she gently laid her down. “El? El?” Aria started calling out her name.

“My leg,” she groaned. “My leg.”

They started to take the bandage off of Eleven’s wound, everyone grimacing and gagging at it.

Suddenly, something started moving inside Eleven’s leg, causing her to scream. Aria knew it was the piece of the mind flayer that attached itself to her at the cabin.

#stranger things #steve harrington #steve harrington series #angst #fluff #reticent series #steve harrington x aria kaul #steve harrington x oc #steve harrington x original character #steve harrington x fem #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fanfic

12 notes · View notes

queers-gambit · 2 years

Note

So in Gone With the Sin, Robin was pissed (understandably so) and what she said about it being pathetic that Chrissy showed Eddie a little attention and he forgot about the one person who always cared for him, and while it was hurtful it was also correct. I mean he begged them to go to prom, lied about getting the tickets so they could go together, then just forgot. I personally feel that out of the whole gang Robin would take the longest to forgive Eddie.

My girl loves furiously and would do whatever she could for her friends. She's beat otherworldly monsters and Russians, besides rabies the girl is rather fearless. So, I just see this completely breaking her. In her grief when her anger isn't directed at herself for not noticing what was going on, she'd direct it at Eddie for a while. She wouldn't want to be around him or Chrissy because to her they were reminders of her losing one of her best friends. I don't think she'd be hateful just incredibly distant only tolerating them for others (probably Steve). Her distate would be obvious, but I don't think she'd be venomous with her anger.

I think eventually she'll learn to handle her grief better, maybe with the help of Vickie. She'd realize any anger she directed at Chrissy was very misplaced because Chrissy was kinda just a bystander to everything. She had no idea anything was going on, and she got hurt by the fallout too. Then she'd eventually forgive Eddie. Maybe, on a Tuesday she just feels this pull to go to the cemetery where she finds Eddie at the grave sobbing and she realizes how Eddie is still brutally punishing himself. He's just a shell of who he used to be, and she realizes directing her anger at him and punishing him isn't fair. He lost his best friend too, and she thinks he's suffered enough. She also thinks that they (us?) would want her to be there for Eddie, for them to be there for each other, because she cared about them both so much.

I think their grief would bond the two together, and form a very solid friendship. She'd probably try to apologize but Eddie would stop her. He still blames himself, so he says he understands. She'd apologize to Chrissy though, which would probably be very healing for Chrissy. Her and Robin would probably form a friendship too. I don't know if they would be best friends, but Robin would think very highly of Chrissy and vice versa. Maybe Robin would be the one to push Eddie to propose to Chrissy telling him he deserves to be happy. That he can't punish himself forever and that she thinks that they'd want that for him. That they'd be happy he found someone who really cares about him.

I dunno that's just me though 😂

Sorry for kinda just unloading all this in your inbox, the thoughts just kept coming! In the beginning it wasnt supposed to be so long 😅You're a wonderful writer and you added such depth to the characters its amazing. I really love all your work! I've gone back and reread these stories so many times. Everytime I find a new little detail that I missed, and I'm kinda in awe of your creativity!

Robin discovers that her greatest fear isn't rabies - but continuing to live without her best friend. heart broken.

she's definitely taking her anger out on Eddie; she's passive aggressive, but heavy on the aggressive because she doesn't know what to do with her emotions. she snarls, and sneers, and can't control the anger in her tone anytime Eddie's near her. she's different when Eddie's around because she's expecting to see you pop up with him but every single time it's just him (and you don't show), she's devastated all over again.

so she's distant, sure, but she's also hardened. she's prickly. she didn't take bullshit before but had developed a bit of a soft spot because of the kids. however, after your passing, she's worse than when she first met them all - she's just angry. and it drains her.

eventually, the anger drains into depression and ironically, the only person there for her (besides Steve), is Eddie. he recognizes the signs and seeks her out, trying to help ease her through her guilt because he's the only one who can relate. it eventually disarms her, and Steve's gone searching for Robin - only to find her in an empty classroom of Hawkins High, sobbing in Eddie's arms.

in these moments, she feels Eddie isn't "different", but that changes when she goes to visit your grave and finds Eddie sobbing on his knees. any anger she has? just disappears. all that's there is a tangible pain she and Eddie share; and it bonds them a little closer. she finally sees the way he's broken, and feels he's lost enough without Robin reminding him constantly of his fuck up.

she'll take pity when she notes the way he's thinned. and Robin knows you would never forgive her for abandoning Eddie, who was as much as your best friend as Robin was. so, she'll crash to the ground beside him, and hold him; both sobbing at your grave, two bouquets of flowers dropped to the cold ground as their tears begin to cool on their cheeks. it's a turning point for them, and Robin will regularly check on Eddie after that. she and Steve will start taking it in shifts; Vickie, Chrissy, and the Hellfire boys all joining in rotations.

she'll eventually realize there's no use in being angry at Chrissy because it's wasted on the innocent girl; who did nothing wrong. she'll apologize and Chrissy forgives her, moving on, and marking the beginning of a platonic friendship.

Vickie is great in helping Robin navigate her emotions but it's not something Vickie can relate to. she didn't know you well. she's never lost a best friend. but she's relentless in her support of Robin, so, Vickie's there to wipe her tears and hold her close... like you used to.

trauma bonds people in ways indescribable. often overlooked.

however, for Robin, it first pushes her from everyone but then brings her back. she'll strengthen her relationships with everyone because she can't stand the idea of losing someone else. so, she'll smother them all in her love - and there's no complaints.

🖤

LOVE LOVE LOVE reading your guys' ideas and thoughts regarding the Hanahaki fics! such good ideas!

my love is yours!! 🖤

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x you #stranger things 4

6 notes · View notes

mattelektras · 2 years

Note

toughts on the new horror anthology marvel announced? also toughts on elektra and horror themes in general?

i’m a horror gal thru n thru so remember that you asked for this

marvel have rly good fodder for horror comics but they just never fuckin use it. when dc was doing dceased i talked about all the different subgenres marvel could be doing in the halloween season!!!! and i will do it again!!

daredevil would be perfect for found footage kind of horror like. hell’s kitchen residents piecing together their own footage of matt vs whatever cloverfield type of shite is going on

identity horror w spiderman and his clones

historical horror w elektra in like. ancient japan w the hand. or just straight up demon shit in modern day.

tech horror in wakanda

cosmic horror w the guardians considering they spend half their time in the skull of a celestial. or they used to. idk what mcu lite guardians are doing nowadays.

high school drama turned horror w the xmen……. prom or whatever and then celebratory vacation to this fucked up island that’s kind of alive but jean also has to choose between her 15 suitors at the same time as dealing w mr sinister’s fucked up cabin in the woods experiment!!!!!

classic monster horror w elsa bloodstone

more daredevil because your girl plays favourites, zombie horror w all his dead friends and girlfriends.

revenge horror with elektra after her dad dies. or after matt dies. kill him for some extra flavour

psychological horror w moon knight if they PROMISE not to be weird about mental health. OR something a la the descent. where he goes somewhere to find something out about the bird god living in his brain and it gets a little fucked up

some more xmen w survival horror in the savage land. a sentinel type thing but more like mr predator from predator hunts them all down

slasher horror w the various wolverines. laura n akihiro have to deal w their father in one of his stab stab beserker episodes

genre savvy horror w the runaways and young avengers

purge type shit w the punisher. i’m sure he will bring up his dead family

cultist lovecraftian horror w wanda. dr strange, voodoo, dr doom etc can come too. NOT like budget horror Welcome 2 My Twizted Mind wendy in the mcu.

home invasion horror w the xmen or in avengers manor/tower wherever those bitches are living right now but when only the avengers i like are home

blade just. literally doing his normal shit

i could genuinely go on for days. the potential is right there but all marvel ever does is like. oooh everyone’s a zombie and the genre has no connection to the characters that are it it or waaaa x character kills the marvel universe waaaa. it’s BORING. this is a company run by boring bitches. elektra is RIGHT THERE and every year i say please may i have a halloween variant at the very least, company that i have never said anything mean about. and every year they say NO shut the fuck up to me PERSONALLY!!! they mail that shit to my house in a big fuck you red envelope. and at this point i would rather they didn’t bother if they’re not gonna at least TRY. horror one shots are just one of the things dc just does Better

as for elektra and horror, i’ve made my stance on the potential relationship there pretty clear. like. she could do it all. she could be the final girl, she could be the dies first and comes back slightly fucked up in the sequel, she could be the villain, she could be pre death, she could be post death etc etc. there are SO MANY THINGS abt her that fit such a wide scope of horror tropes. one of my favourite movies ever is all the boys love mandy lane and she could DO THAT!!!! the innocent in the beginning, victim of circumstance (college, pre death, young adult elektra) to actually no fuck all of you, refuses to be manipulated by the people, mostly men, around her, turns out to be the killer. the audition is another. let her torture the shit out of stick or bullseye when they think they can use her. she already has so many aspects of horror stories in her own, she’s been covered in blood so many times and for what!!!!!! we’re not doing anything with it!!! she’s a KILLERRRR and in a horror au, everyone can die!!! it’s prime territory!!

and women in horror is such a fuckin goldmine too. like especially women who have been through shit and to see what happens when they’re forced into certain situations. as well as women who HAVENT been through shit and just wanna go apeshit one time. there’s a reason why so much horror focuses on women and that’s because they’re usually made by men who want to see some women suffer but that’s changed so much since and like yeah. there are a still a good few that are like ok we get it you want to see a woman get tortured. but there’s so much more substance to it. or there could be???? it’s a women’s power fantasy like iron man is a men’s power fantasy and i will not be elaborating. brad from ohio wants to be rich and for girls to like him. i want to kill people with an axe in a life or death situation. we are not the same.

tl;dr. it’s the genre she deserves after being a character that’s revolved around the men in her life since the dawn of time, and after the man who created her is one of the slimiest motherfuckers ever to leave his primordial soup. she could ENCOMPASS the genre for marvel but no one listens to me

#anyway. i’m completely normal about it #q & a #anonymous

18 notes · View notes

royalreef · 2 years

Text

Anonymous inquired: if you ever decide to release all your world building notes n stuff you have for miranda and the merkingdom i feel a lot of us would love to see it! just from what you show on the blog right now, you've put so much amazing work into the lore of this blog and the redesigns you've done

(( I might! Some day!

Right now the biggest thing holding me back is pretty simple, in that all of my lore is... very disorganized right now. I have some very outdated Google docs ( 12, to be exact... Most over 10 pages long, to give you a reference ), and all of my many, many lore posts on here, on my personal sideblog, and on the NSFT sideblog — but most of my lore, and my most up-to-date lore, is all on Discord in various conversations with friends, or it’s being kept in my head. I have also started a note-keeping journal on the go, and I have other notes on a personal server that I can just toss my junk into, but again, neither of these are in a share-able state.

Likewise, I would REALLY want to doublecheck all of it, making sure it’s internally consistent, and there’s a lot of stuff I STILL haven’t finished yet! I’ve been seriously putting off actually fully mapping out what the merfolk vocal organ looks like, which I need to do first before I move on into their languages, as I really do want to create several conlangs to reflect what they’re speaking. Language is incredibly important to merfolk, so having that is a cornerstone I still refuse to work on in this whole project, as I kind of... do NOT want to figure out grammar or sentence structure or anything. I’d also want to put some study into music for that too, since so much of their language is song and music ties heavily into how they think of the world, but, surprisingly, I am notoriously musically un-talented. My family are all big into music, but it skipped a generation for me. But I need all of this before I can start actually drawing out what their written language looks like, and similarly, I need to figure out how I want to handle the written/spoken/signed language divide, since merfolk senses are incredibly different to our own.

This is not even to mention more fully fleshing out the other merfolk species and cultures, which I’ve kind of also been dragging my feet on, since it’s just... A lot. And I only have so much spoons I can allocate to so much at a time.

Beyond even that too — I’ve long been thinking that I might, eventually, make my worldbuilding into its own independent project. It wouldn’t be hard to slice off the remaining threads of Monster Prom still holding onto it, and my work on the Redesign Universe has kind of been a result of this. That said, if I ever do fully make it its own project, I wouldn’t want to share all of my lore here, and might never share the lore bible in its entirety based on what I end up going with. It’s complicated, and while it might not occur for a LONG while, it’s still a thought and an impulse enough to make me hesitate.

And lastly, I just kinda like when people can discover the world and lore on their own! I like a decent exploratory aspect, and yeah of course I’ll share it OOC with someone if they just come up and ask me whatever they want to know, but I also think it’s just downright fun to have them learn things alongside their muse. I like to have that option for people! I know it’s not for everyone, but hey, that’s why I say over and over that you can just ask me and I’ll tell you, though I might doublecheck and make sure you’re okay with getting all the secrets long before they show up naturally.

Unfortunately, this aspect has ultimately kind of... died off, I suppose, since the RPC seems to be changing and leaning away from long-form and long-running continuities that grow and extrapolate on themselves, so I guess I worry sometimes about not being able to show it off at all anymore. It’s not supposed to be this obscure or hard to find, not really, not if you just keep at it, but you can’t really do that in shorter threads, shorter replies, less serious content, etc etc etc. More than anything, I guess I’m just used to showing off this information in a certain way, and that way is no longer a liable method to use.

#Most secret royal advisor || OOC #Dreaded rumors || Asks #The masked ball || Anonymous #(( its just kind of extra exhausting too because #(( if you know me. i hate shorter/lighter roleplays and LOVE longer/heavier stuff.#(( i am All Plot All The Time #(( but there's not been a lot of chances to dig into plot lately so like. yaknow.

2 notes · View notes

chasingfictions · 2 years

Note

Hi!! I would love to hear all the reasons you think Spuffy are the best match for each other and why you prefer them to Bangel. (Same, by the way :))

ok bestie hello this is an insane question first of all because no one should just give me free reign to talk about spuffy bc i could very well be here all day

first i'll say! i dont like, hate bangel. dkjfkdsf i feel like every time i reblog an anti bangel post i have the tag '#anti bangel #i dont hate them but tagging for blacklists" etc etc. because like, to me spuffy and bangel are just serving very different narrative functions, you know? and i think they both do those narrative functions very effectively! like there are levels and levels and levels to this.

but if we wanna look at it in the most basic terms of story structure, i consider bangel a tragedy in the classical sense and spuffy a comedy in the classical sense. when i say comedy i dont necessarily mean humor (though also i DO bc, as my catchphrase goes, spike btvs said it's always a joke and it's always serious!!!).

simply speaking: tragedy ends in despair and comedy ends in joy. [insert requisite 'obviously it's much more complicated than that but that's not what we're here to talk about' here] ... anyway this is gonna be Long so i'm readmore-ing bon appetit

bangel & the tragedy of heteronormativity

like i know spuffy has the reputation as like the tragic and edgy and depressing of the two ships, and i do get why, but to me bangel fulfills that function much more profoundly. they just ... don't work. like, for this lovely shining moment they do, and they're so caught up in each other, and it's that first love insanity of you can't even process what's happening you're just so totally overcome with the feeling. but critically that lasts for like, a second? like, it's basically "the dark age" to "surprise" that bangel is like, officially together and dating and happy. this is also coincidentally my favorite bangel era! like, just a freaky slayer and her freaky creature of the night boyfriend and they're horny and obsessed with each other and making out in cemeteries and having monster-face makeouts at the ice rink when buffy still has demon blood on her skate blades :))) like :)))) that's the good stuff :)))

ive also seen buffy just like, a million times, and i definitely had a lot more tenderness for them in a romantic sense on earlier watches, and then rewatching this time around i realized really all of that tenderness is basically about that era, which lasts for a narrative second. like the thing that struck me during my current rewatch of s1 and s2 is how long they spend in this weird posturing communication breakdown cycle and circling around each other like cage fighters. and they do have some moments in s3 that romantically-speaking i find compelling — or ok, just the "bad girls" arm jump is coming to mind right now but im sure there are others maybe lol (and even the bad girls arm jump is like,,, okay liam if buffy summers jumped into MY arms at the bronze i would experience a moment of spiritual ecstasy and yet you are not remotely looking like youre having a good time .... get help and appreciate her more).

but also the other thing that struck me in this rewatch of s3 is they break up like, every other episode? which narratively i do find equal parts hilarious and compelling from a structural standpoint. like okay obviously they are broken up to begin with in "beauty and the beasts" (broken up is kind of a hilariously small description for what they are at that point, but we're itemizing here). and then they friend break up in "lovers walk." and then they get back together in "amends" and break up again / go on a break in "enemies" and then reconcile in "earshot" and then break up For Real in "the prom" and then have that mini-reconciliation in that same episode and then are obviously still full of romantic context in "graduation day: part i" and she calls him her lover and they essentially have a sex scene when he bites her, and then they break up for good for good in "graduation day: part ii" ... pause for intake of breath bc i do feel like i just ran a marathon

— and to me that speaks to their asynchronousness!!! like the beauty and also the tragedy of bangel is that they almost work, and they want to work, but they can't, and they don't. like, to me they're just not equally matched as a couple. angel has this frustrating paternalism towards buffy (see: calling xander "just a kid" and telling faith she's "not much more than a child" and soulless angel calling buffy "kiddo" and it's like okay so clearly you do see her as naive and childlike and that's a Weird Relationship To Have To Your Partner...). He's constantly making these unilateral decisions that affect them both without consulting her — "i will remember you" is a great example of this to me. like people lift that up as a reason their relationship would work if they were just "normal." but in that episode angel makes a decision to alter buffy's memories and timeline and doesn't even tell her afterwards. or in "graduation day" — like obviously you can break up with your partner at any time you're allowed to do that, but the fact that he says he's just going to leave town and not say goodbye? to me feels needlessly cold and manipulative. there's also the fact that i think angel is much more of a person when he's not with buffy. neither of them really feel relaxed or silly or lighthearted around each other. it's always life or death and pain and terror and wanting, for the most part, with very minor levity.

and, to that point, i think the other really compelling narrative tragedy of bangel is the impact it has on buffy's relationship to her own slayerness and — conversely — to her queerness. im not gonna go into a big thing here on exactly why being the slayer is analogous to being queer because that's a whole nother essay? but blah blah "have you tried not being a vampire slayer?" / "i've tried marching in the slayer pride parade" / the "new moon rising" conflation of willow dating tara with buffy dating demons etc etc etc. like, one of the reasons i have warm feelings about early/mid-s2 bangel is that I think it's the queerest era of their relationship. it's buffy revelling in her "cradle robbing creature of the night boyfriend" and being attracted to his vampirism and "you're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense". s2 bangel is compelling because it's freaky. because it's monstrous. it's sexual and messy and strange has undertones of queerness.

and then, of course, "surprise" / "innocence" happens. buffy is punished by the narrative and by angel for giving into her desire for this monster. buffy spends the next half a season being terrorized and watching people she loves die or almost die because of it. and then when s3 happens, you can't just go back to how it was! they're fundamentally altered by the trauma of s2! the freakiness of them is gone and instead they're playacting heterosexual normality because anything else is Unsafe. it's in the way buffy starts dressing somewhere between a housewife and jackie kennedy (which ok is also related to her feeling destabilized by faith and that whole bi panic but one thing at a time). it's in angel's nightmare about buffy bursting into flames after their big empty church wedding. it's in the mayor, this figure of patriarchy incarnate, telling them they can never have a "normal" relationship and angel believing him. when like, mister liam of galway she's a vampire slayer, normal was never even in play. it's in — critically! — angel breaking up with buffy by calling their relationship a "freakshow." that bit will never not break my heart.

so yeah when i say i don't hate bangel that's kind of what it's about? like they're not my favorite relationship but i do think they're an important story. tbh that's my relationship with most ship media like, even if something isn't your thing it does still fulfill a narrative function. and like, to me the narrative function of angel is to be the boyfriend buffy gets over. to be the first love and the adolescent wound. to be the trauma she can recover from in order to learn how to love again in a healthy and adult way.

spuffy & the comedy of queer futurity

OKAY so that brings us to spuffy im about to get SO insane hello!!! hello!! literally Hello Okay. i dont even?? dfkldsjfsdjf anon i hope u know this is an INSANE ask i think about them all day every day and the idea of summing up WHY and having it be COHERENT is just?????? like bangel i have cohesive enough thoughts about to be like yeah this is my argument for why i feel the way i do but spuffy is like????? ok i have a personal theory that u dont choose ur btvs endgame ship it chooses you. like spuffy gripped me by the throat at age 13 and said hello!! and i said oh ok!!! ok i'll think about you forever thanks!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you!

but OKAY on the narrative thread of bangel as this ship of heteronormative tragedy, to me spuffy is this ship of queer exaltation. spuffy as a queer relationship has been much expounded on already — like we've all seen @johnaeryns's lesbian spuffy manifesto which is art and changed the timeline by the way!!!!

ANYWAY. like queer spuffy is in the secretness of their relationship, it's in "you think i haven't tried not to?" it's in "i'm all stay-inny" it's in "this? with you? i know it's wrong" it's in "it's wrong, i'm wrong, tell me that i'm wrong please," it's buffy turning what angel used to break up with her back on spike, angel saying "you deserve more than this freakshow" and buffy telling spike "last night was the end of this freakshow." it's in the way buffy feels so much shame about her relationship with spike, the way she hides it. the way a lot of that comes from the angel trauma. angel tells her she should find a "normal" guy so that's just what she goes out and does, and pursues riley, except riley can't really Understand her. like biley to me feels like the experience of being bi in a relationship with a straight person who doesn't really Understand.

and that's the thing about spike, is he understands. it's the way spike comes into the narrative as a New Kind of Vampire who does in the old stodgy vampire cults and buffy comes into the narrative as a New Kind of Slayer who has friends and a life. and they're marked as parallels by the text in this way from the Beginning. school hard red stripes my Beloved <3333.

it's the way in becoming part ii which is forever my favorite episode of tv, buffy has no one, by the narrative's own declaration. it's buffy saying "i got nothing left to lose" and spike saying "i'm all you've got" and buffy's "me" to angel's "take all that away and what's left?" it's buffy's "no, i don't" to angel's "you really think you can take us all on by yourself?" and it's the fact that buffy's whole life is falling apart and everything is ending, she's lost kendra, she's lost angel once and is about to lose him again, she's lost her place in the real world with her expulsion from school, she's lost her place in her family by being kicked out and then here's this guy. this vampire who's on her side and who likes the world enough to save it even though he shouldn't want to and there's something about buffy telling whistler "well why don't you try fighting evil for a change because i'm sick and tired of doing it myself" and here she's not doing it herself??? because spike???? is here??????????

it's the queerness of spuffy in how spike is present for her literal coming out, it's the way they fit so easily together when they have no right to, which itself is a queer narrative. it's, all in that same episode, with their easy banter about the band and the way they instinctively work together in a fight and the way the fact that he's even invited to her house indicates this bizarre undercurrent of trust and understanding. this feeling of alignment and affinity that transcends other bonds and boundaries.

it's the way they match each other, and how that matching is explicitly tied to buffy's identity as a slayer, to her as a fighter, to her connection to the demon world, to the things that give her symbolic queerness (she also has lots of non-symbolic queerness, but again, one thing at at a time, like if we had to also get into how gay buffy is for cordelia and kendra and faith we'd be here all day). it's "i'd rather be fighting you anyway" / "mutual" and it's "you think we're dancing?" "that's all we've ever done" and it's "but i can't fool myself. or spike for some reason" and it's the way the fight is a dance to buffy and spike recognizes that, it's the way spike just knows her.

fool for love is insane for this reason (and many others) it's buffy seeking out knowledge about her essence, herself as a slayer, and she turns to spike. it's spike having insight, its the way spike is obsessed with slayers, and that's another element of the queerness of spuffy imo. a vampire psychosexually obsessed with slayers. a slayer psychosexually obsessed with vampires. the way being a slayer is already being a Woman But Wrong and buffy queers it even further with her erotic fascination with the monsters she's meant to kill, and spike's always already meeting her in the middle, because he's been obsessed with slayers since he knew what they were. the way spike's coat, the symbol of his selfhood, is a slayer's coat and a woman's coat and they're both meeting in this middle ground of Wrong Weird Queer Fucky Gender and are Understanding Each Other in that middle ground.

it's the way buffy understands the hero in spike that's not supposed to exist because he's supposed to just be a monster. it's the way spike understands the monster in buffy that's not supposed to exist because she's supposed to just be a hero.

it's season 5, the insanity of spike falling in love with a hero and slowly learning to be good for her, and he doesn't know how and he shouldn't even be able to learn how but he does, the way he's willing to sacrifice his life for dawn and in "intervention" and "the gift" he's prepared to do just that. this is one of the main reasons i talk about spuffy as soulmates but he doesn't have his soul yet. that spike as a human was so full of love, that love is still is guiding principle as a vampire, that it in places acts as almost a bootleg soul. it's "i don't smell a soul anywhere on you, why do you care?" - "i made a promise to a lady." it's buffy kissing spike for the first time because of his heroism in "intervention," and her letting him back in the house in "the gift" because of that same heroism and the trust they've built, it's going back to that same line in becoming part ii. "the truth is, i like this world." like the truth is he likes this world and he's not supposed to and buffy is sworn to protect the world and it's just!!! it's a little symphony is what it is.

and it's also!! spike understanding the monstrousness of buffy! this is the bit most people focus on with them, and why they have the reputation they do, but i truly think s6 spuffy is generally just so??? beautiful??? it's spike's"clawed her way out of a coffin that's how. i've done it myself" and it's buffy's "i can be alone with you here" and it's buffy who's died and experienced this insane trauma and the person who can understand it with her and make her feel okay is someone who's died too. it's "you have to go on living, so one of us is living," and just!!! the poetry of a dead man being the one to help you learn to live again.

it's the way that genuinely i read s6 spuffy as making buffy genuinely happy in those moments when her own shame isn't guiding her. it's the ecstasy of "smashed" and the fear of "wrecked" and "if you tell Anyone about last night, i will kill you" and the fact that in "gone" when no one can see buffy having sex with spike, she's giddy about it, she's delighted, she's nibbling his ear in front of xander and having fun doing it, it's her in "older and far away" and "as you were" clearly wanting spike but not wanting it to be in or near her house, where people could see, it's "dead things" and the way she's genuinely happy with him in his crypt and laughing and it's "hells bells" him making her laugh at the wedding and it's the fact that in "normal again" we get this dual glimpse of buffy just wanting to talk to spike about what happened at the wedding / flinching away when her friends so much as see her talking to him in a friendly way / him revealing that when they were together he'd put ice on the back of her neck and giving a peak to this quiet domesticity that existed alongside the torrid affair. it's how in "entropy" all he wants is for her to tell her friends about them. i know i said this above but it's literally tara, a lesbian, asking buffy if she's ready to "come out" about spike and buffy saying no, she's "all stay-inny."

it's the way s6 spuffy is SO easily read as being closeted in a queer relationship. the way that buffy feels free and happy and hot getting to have rough, inhibition-free sex with spike but feels shame whenever it's mentioned in words — "that may be how you get off but it's not my style" "no, it's your calling" / "you were like an animal" "i'm not an animal." like, the more i rewatch the show the more i feel like the fundamental quote-unquote-toxicity of s6 spuffy isn't the relationship itself, it's the resounding shame about the relationship (how many times can i say "shame" in one essay on tumblr dot com about vampires n queerness lmao). the fact that in relationships that are either normative (biley) or trying hard to be normative (bangel), the interplay of sex and violence for slayers is allowed and buffy can revel in it but in relationships that are queer either textually (fuffy) or subtextually (spuffy), suddenly buffy has to be ashamed of that, because what does that say about her?

and it all goes back to becoming ii! it's "mom, i'm a vampire slayer" and "well have you tried not being a vampire slayer?" and she literally HAS, she's tried everything she CAN and will continue to! throughout the series! it's the way that dual trauma—being kicked out of the house for being gay a slayer and having to kill angel after losing him because of her forbidden desire for this monster??? tell her that she's Wrong, that she has to be Normal, that she has to Deny what she wants and the way she is and wants is Wrong.

it's the way that spike is buffy's shadow, the way that in season 6 she goes to him because she wants to feel good, she wants to feel, period, and her expressing affection and desire for this monster who mirrors her is also her expressing affection and desire for the things she feels shame for about herself. it's the way buffy doing violence against spike is textually her doing violence against herself (see: faith beating up her own body in "who are you?" → buffy beating up spike in "dead things).

i also dont want to give the narrative too much credit here because one of the reasons buffy is so compelling as a show is the places where it fails and comes short. it's such a rich text to talk about queerness and shame and desire and womanhood precisely because the show itself is full of hangups about those very things. obviously this is a segue into "seeing red" which i'm Not going to go into in depth here, i dont really feel like talking about it because frankly i dont need to go on a long tangent about sexual violence right now :) but suffice it to say the fact that the writers room was like "okay we need the audience to Hate Spike because they Like Him Too Much" and their immediate thought was "right let's write in a horrific scene of sexual violence that will traumatize our actors and our audience and also shows that we too believe what buffy believes, that she is wrong for wanting this monster, that she should be punished for having outsized desires and not being more careful and now her and the audience will Learn Their Lesson." anyway moving on.

but anyway that brings us to the way spuffy is a comedy, structurally speaking. like i think people often read spuffy as this exclusively dark and twisted story because they a) only associate spuffy with season 6 and b) misread season 6 as being only about dark fucked up sex rather than like, that Desire Can Be Good Actually, Even and Especially When It's Not the Desire You're ~Supposed~ To Have.

but then we get season 7 spuffy???????? season 7 spuffy where they are slowly rebuilding their trust, where spike, who represents the parts of buffy she feels shame about, has sought out his soul, and it gets to be this tangible proof that the things she thought were awful about herself all along were actually always good, always had an innate capacity for goodness!!! and sought out a soul to prove it! the way buffy is so obsessed with spike getting his soul and tells everyone all of the time (see this chef's kiss set from @slayerbuffy ) in part because it's like!! see!!! i'm NOT wrong inside, the vampire im obsessed with had the inherent capacity for goodness all along!!!!! the way spike's ensoulment makes me INSANE because it's AGAIN in the thread of becoming part ii — spike is a vampire and shouldn't be ABLE to want to save the world he shouldn't be ABLE to want a soul or think of it as desirable but he DOES.

it's the way that buffy's relationship trauma has, since angel, been about saying feelings out loud, acknowledging feelings and desires in public, but in season 7 she is fully accepting of her desires verbally. "i'm the one who dates dead guys. and no offense, but they were hotties" and "kind of sallow but in a hot way?" and her and spike getting clocked with their sexual tension by the potentials and andrew and the other scoobies. it's!!! fucking!!!!!!! everywhere!!! it's that buffy hasn't said i love you to any love interests since angel (unless you count the time on ats she told angel she loves riley but i could write a whole separate essay on how THAT is just insane in so many narrative ways) and then?????? in her second to last scene in the series??? she tells spike she loves him???????????? it's spike's speech in "touched" bringing it all home:

I UNDERSTAND EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE. I LOVE WHAT YOU ARE. WHAT YOU DO. HOW YOU TRY. (excuse me while i WEEP).

it's the way she spends what she thinks are her last three nights on earth with him, cuddling in bed. it's the way her last lines of the series are all his name, and telling him she loves him, and their love which once wasn't even allowed to be mentioned out loud, to be even thought of with anything but revulsion, now burns so bright it makes them burst into flames

it's the way spike is so beautiful in the story as buffy's shadow because it means something that spike loves with his whole heart, that he loves every bit of buffy, that he has understood buffy from the beginning, even when they were enemies (see everything i went insane about above about s2) even when they were unlikely allies (see everything i went insane about above about fool for love). and understands her as a friend !!! (see early s6!!!! spike as buffy's confidante!!!). the way he understands her as a lover!!!!!!! (see the speech in touched!!!!). the way buffy hates herself but spike will always love her and he loves her for the fullness of herself and through loving him and through him loving her she can learn to love herself and accept herself fully, no one kicking her out of the house because she's queer a slayer, no one telling her she should want a normal relationship, just this strange gendery queer vampire who loves her forever for the fullness of her, her kindness and her strength, what she is, what she does, how she tries. the best and the worst of her. the way spuffy is about the ultimate affirmation of the self and specifically the queer self. the way spuffy is about finding each other. the way spuffy is about queer futurity, is about "you have to go on living," is about if you keep going and keep trying you can live your full unabashed queer life and spuffy finds that together, this freaky slayer and this freaky vampire, meeting in the middle, and making something new.

it's the way spuffy is this narrative impossibility that wasn't supposed to happen, the way spike was supposed to be this half-season arc villain. the way so much of spike in-universe shouldn't be able to happen, but it does. the way buffy breaks the laws of slayerhood, dying and coming back, loving vampires, changing the entire slayer line. the way queerness is very much on a level about this thing that isn't "supposed" to exist, but it does. and it's beautiful.

and that's what spuffy is to me.

#btvs meta #ask #anti bangel #spuffy #HELLO this has been in my drafts for DAYS because it took so long to write out all these thoughts

337 notes · View notes

warmau · 3 years

Text

how you end up here, you don’t know, but you blame johnny suh because when things get weird it’s usually his fault anyway

johnny’s smile is a thousand and one watts - he reaches out to pass you the beat up guitar case and again, you don’t even take it by choice, it’s nudged into your hands before you can really even say a word

“im not joining your band.”

“it’s not mine - it’s ours.”

jungwoo twirls a drum stick between his fingers and grins from his spot on the garage couch

“no johnny - we all know it’s yours.”

your lips thin and the only reason you don’t fling the case to the floor is because you actually like the guitar that’s inside.

granted you haven’t seen it since middle school and it probably still has that horrible sticker on the back of it that you remember picking at until all the little pieces you got off were uncomfortably stuck under your nails.

“guys - it’s summer. we have nothing better to do.”

“says you, i got an engineering internship at samsung.”

jungwoo chirps again and you try not to roll your eyes

we all know about the damn samsung internship dude.

“yeah - and i have to work at the family bookstore.”

mark lee walks in, holding as many redbulls as he can fit between his elbows, they spill out and onto the space beside jungwoo

you listen to mark open one and johnny groan

“ok you all have something to do, but we-” he motions behind him at you “don’t have anything to save us from the boredom that is about to take up two months of our youthful lives!”

“hey-”

you cut in and all three sets of eyes focus on you

“i have something i want to do this summer.”

johnny’s long figure straightens in anticipation while jungwoo cocks an eyebrow and mark gives you an encouraging smile

“im not going to tell you what it is, but it’s definitely not starting a band with you guys.”

you lean the guitar case against a nearby wall and add a half-hearted shrug

“sorry.”

the walk from johnny’s house to yours isn’t long, it takes about fifteen minutes if you’re really going slow.

plus you’ve done it so many times, you basically set your body to autopilot.

you think about it - the thing you want to do this summer before you go away for university and home becomes a new place and a memory at the same time.

you’re not known for being sentimental, johnny has even gone so far as to label you as a bit ‘apathetic’ . but still you know this is your last chance to really enjoy the place you grew up in.

you turn the corner at the street that leads down to where you live and in the hot evening air you hear something

it’s the sound of a bike, the pedaling is light but the frame must be old because it creaks a little when it slows down slightly to maneuver to the left and pass you.

you look up and see a boy

brown hair still wet from the pool or a shower maybe, dimples at the corners of his smile, the two sizes too big white shirt fluttering behind him in the breeze

for what seems like longer than a second - you lock eyes - his match the color of autumn leaves and teddy bear fur

and for some weird reason can’t stop thinking about them even well after you get back home

is he new in town? i’ve never seen him before?

finally managing to shake off the curiosity, you fish the shoebox you’ve been keeping under your bed out and open it.

inside there’s only three things so far:

a copy of your graduation photo, a copy of johnny’s graduation photo, and the prom invite ticket that has jungwoo’s chicken scrawl on the back (he was technically your date, because johnny got proportioned by half the seniors and mark was too nervous to ask if you’d take him)

this is what you were talking about. this is what you want to spend summer doing.

you want to spend it remembering, gathering fragments of your life so far in your hometown with your bestfriends, so that when you move on you have a tangible piece of the memories

the reason you were keeping it a secret though was because.....even you had to admit.......this was a little much

and you had built yourself a little bit of a hard shell so imagining telling the people you knew that this was your summer plan

well, you could already hear johnny’s voice saying something like ‘hey, this isn’t a hallmark movie you sap and facetime exists. do you think im not gonna call you at 3 am from across the country like i do now anyway?’

you close the box and tap your fingers on the top.

tomorrow, i’ll start visiting all the important places.

your phone pings and it sound echoes through the otherwise empty library.

a harsh shushing sound comes from the front desk and you quickly answer it, sliding down against one of the bookcases

you’d come here to see if you could find that old series you loved as a kid, the magic treehouse, it’s the books you and johnny fought over when you first met each other years ago

you abandon that though because poor mark sounds like he’s having a panic attack over the phone

“hey, you need to get over here - johnny is holding auditions for a guitarist since you said you didn’t want to do the band”

“ok, so what? it’s just auditions?”

mark’s pleading gets louder, “it’s auditions with JOHNNY - he thinks this is eurovision or something i don’t know please i can’t reign him in and jungwoo’s at his internship - i am dying here!”

you sigh, making it long so mark knows how annoyed you are

“put him on.”

mark’s voice drowns and johnny takes the phone from him

“what did i say with conspiring with them? we are shunning them for quitting on the band! what do you mean you had no other options? what do you mean my egomania is coming out? - anyway hey whats up?”

“stop torturing mark and all the poor kids that showed up to audition.”

“first of all, im not torturing anyone. that would be illegal and distasteful, im just giving my constructive criticism. second of all, if you want to give orders like that then let’s make this a fare trade off. come over and help me judge - i mean hold the auditions and then i will cease my so called ‘torturing’ ala my ‘criticizing’.”

you huff - fine, it’s one day out of the whole summer.

“ok. but you better have snacks.”

“do you think i wouldn’t provide refreshments? what kind of monster do you think i am?”

there’s more people than you expect showing up to audition for this band. half of them are just there to sweet talk johnny or mark, but the others are all just. bad.

you never knew how bad someone butcher playing an instrument, let alone a guitar, but you’ve had that eye opening experience today

“how many people left?”

you mutter, face first into your palms and looking up with happiness when mark says only one!

“hey, im jung jaehyun.”

you turn and see the boy from the bike, the one with the softest eyes you’ve ever seen, standing in the entry to johnny’s garage

he’s carrying his own guitar case - black leather and well worn but loved

“well jaehyun dude, i hope you can at least play the damn thing because i feel like no one in this town can!”

johnny groans and you straighten up a little as jaehyun comes closer

he sets himself up and you feel something inside your stomach turn when he bends down and you see a bit of the tanned skin of his back

“im not amazing, but i can play some of the classics.”

“wonderwall?” mark asks and johnny snips at him as you try to think of something to say, but suddenly....your brain is fuzzy

“play anything!”

so jaehyun does, he plays, and he even sings and the fuzziness in your brain turns to white noise and the little drop in your stomach is a whole bundle of butterflies

you barely realize the johnny is already befriending jaehyun and mark is staring at him with those big, impressed eyes

when you get up and jaehyun smiles at you

“so what do you play?”

johnny throws an arm around your shoulder older brother style and rolls his eyes before you get a word in

“you’re actually taking their spot because they’re too busy to be in the band.”

something seems to cast a sad shadow over jaehyun’s features - “oh, you’re not going to play with us?”

words float through your head, none of which you can grasp onto, so you just shake it instead and let johnny ramble on about your so called betrayal

you look at your phone and of course it’s nearing ten and there’s no way you can go to any of the other places on your list so you motion to mark that you’re going to head home

“oh - i have to go too.”

jaehyun slings his guitar case over his shoulder, “but ill come by tomorrow for practice?”

johnny shoots him a big grin and then haggles all the social media jaehyun has out of him

you don’t know why you just don’t start walking - but somehow you end up leaving with jaehyun, making that left turn where you first passed each other

“do you live on this street?”

you jump a little as you nod, “yeah - i think i actually saw you yesterday. you were on your bike so you probably didn’t notice me.”

there’s a polite distance between you two, but jaehyun is smiling when he answers

“oh no, i definitely noticed you.”

you end up thinking about those words the same way you couldn’t stop thinking about his eyes

except this time, instead of it lasting a day, the thought lasts nearly two and a half weeks

it seems jaehyun is doing a good job fitting in with your friends, considering you don’t get anymore calls from mark

and you actually start to make progress on your summer project

you manage to get some ticket stubs from old movies, an old science project you did that’s still hanging on the walls of the highschool (open for summer classes), and pressed flowers from ontop of a hill where you almost break your elbow back when you were a freshman

you’re plunging yourself into your past, but weirdly enough every now and then you’ll remember that

oh no, i definitely noticed you

the six little words make you feel giddier than whatever memento you’re seeking out to tuck into your shoebox

you try to tell yourself it’s just because jaehyun is new - he’s new and the memory of him isn’t old enough to try and find anything to represent him by

and he kind of represents everything you’re nervous about - new places, new people, new friendships ...... the prospect of a new love

love?

you look up at the sky as you swing back and forth on the playground you’ve come to collect something from for your memory box

that’s ridiculous. i’ve had one conversation with him!

you swing your legs back and forth, slowing down and you think twice about jumping off when suddenly you feels someone gently push your back

the swing goes a little higher and you turn your head in surprise to see

“j-jaehyun?”

he smiles and his dimples greet you before he does

“i saw you on my way back from johnny’s.”

he gives you another soft push and you hear that fuzzy noise that always turns the gears in your brain when you try to say something around him

“is - is johnny being nice?”

is all you can muster and jaehyun laughs, the sound melodic but low, just the way the baritone of his voice is when he sang

“very nice, but he is a lot to handle sometimes.”

you kick your legs down and dig your heels into the grass a little, jaehyun grabs the two chains of the swings to help you stop it

when you turn you notice his bike is laying a couple of feet away and so is his guitar

“what about the band stuff?”

“johnny is trying to write songs and stuff, but actually mark is the one that i think has the talent for it.”

you can’t help but feel the corner of your mouth lift up a little, he already knows the two of them pretty well.

“what about you - do you write songs or music?”

jaehyun lifts his bike back up and you take the guitar case to help him

before you know it - you and him are walking side by side again

“a little, but it’s more about playing the guitar for me. that’s the part that makes me happy.”

you play with your fingers behind your back, old nervous habits rising to the surface

“by the way - why did you not want to be part of the band? johnny said you were busy with something but you didn’t say what.”

you stop

i should lie, make something up.

jaehyun stops too and the sounds of the bike wheels and footsteps float off into the air

but for some reason, i don’t want to lie. not to him.

“im......leaving after the summer, going to school in another place. so im spending my summer kind of.....im kind of cataloging this place. this town. i’m doing the whole put your memories in a shoebox thing which is so-”

“awesome! i think it’s awesome that you want a part of your home with you, sometimes people are way too excited to get away from their roots.”

you look at jaehyun, who returns the look with a comforting warmth you’ve never experienced before.

it’s a different comfort than the one you get from your friends or your family, it makes your heart beat flutter - slow for a second, then so fast you think your body can’t keep up

he starts walking again and you do too

the silence isn’t weird. it’s a conversation in it’s own way between your two bodies.

when you get to your house - you look at jaehyun again and you have two thoughts

one is that you should kiss him. because he looks so.....kissable.

the second, the one you ultimately choose, is to widen your eyes and go:

“promise you won’t tell the others about it though, they would not let me live it down.”

jaehyun laughs and hooks his pinkie with yours - his skin soft under the setting sun - “i promise.”

and after being caught up in thinking about jaehyun’s eyes, or the way he speaks, you find yourself in the same repeating cycle again

this time. it’s your regret.

you should have chose option one, because it’s looking like another opportunity to kiss jung jaehyun is not coming any time soon.

and like the two times before, you throw yourself into your summer project to try and not think about it

(although you do, multiple times throughout the day, at one point blushing at the image of what could have happened if you DID kiss him and then getting snapped at by the angry man at the local deli)

another couple of weeks pass and you swing by johnny’s because it’s a location on your summer memory list and also....

you are curious about how the band is going ...

and you kind of a little want to see jaehyun again......

you arrive and hear jungwoo’s voice to your surprise, followed by the sound of drums and johnny’s sharp “stop, stop, STOP!”

“jungwoo, what is going on - did working at samsung make you into a robot who can only produce code and not drum to save his life?”

“what do you know about drumming johnny? or coding? or anything in general?”

“hey watch the attitude, you’re embarrassing me in front of jaehyun.”

jungwoo snorts and you try to hide your own laugh but everyone turns to you just in time for you to hiccup it back

“ah - the traitor is here!”

johnny sings and jaehyun gives him a soft elbow to the ribs

“what’s up?”

mark smiles from his place at the keyboard and you cross your arms

“nothing, hows it going - book any shows? write an album yet?”

“actually, we did book a gig for your information”

johnny waltz his way from the microphone and to a stack of flyers from his couch

he hands you one and this time you do burst out into laughter

the flyer, pink and way over the top, is an invitation to johnny’s end of the summer party

well it’s actually his going away party his parents have planned for him, since he’s also leaving for school

“johnny - you didn’t book a gig. you’re playing your own party.”

“the parents are shelling out twenty dollars to each of us so money makes it a gig.”

you look at jaehyun who secretly rolls his eyes

“sure, sure. can i keep one of these?”

you fold the flyer and slip it into your pocket, this will make a good addition to the shoebox

“oh are you going to put it in-”

jaehyun starts and you rush over, hand flying over his mouth as the three other people in the garage stare

“going to put it in......the trash. yes. going to throw it right out because really johnny did you use paint-”

johnny flips you off in the kindest, best friend way possible

you let go of jaehyun and throw him a look that he mouths an apology too

somehow, instead of leaving, you end up staying and listening to them practice

you consider it a break from your project and the day is filled with what you’d expect from all of them, laughter and jokes and banter that is only ok between the closest of people

when they finally finish practice and jungwoo and mark accept a gracious ride home from mr. suh

you say you’ll be off too and jaehyun trots up right behind you, “ill walk with you.”

this time, you hear less of the fuzz in your head and can actually keep up a decent conversation without staring at jaehyun’s lips

you feel closer because of the time you spent today and you almost walk past your house until jaehyun points to the porch

“oh by the way. can i see what you have in the shoebox?”

you look over your shoulder at him, “like right now?”

he gives a casual shrug

“is that ok?”

and now jung jaehyun is standing in your room. well he’s standing in it and then he’s sitting on your bed and rummaging through some of the most personal memories you have.

his long fingers pulling out ticket stubs or notes you passed in class

he chuckles at the graduation photo of johnny and dangles yours over your head when he refuses to give it back

you tackle him for it and he falls down against your sheets and you make the worst (or arguably best) mistake of your life

when you straddle his hips and rich out to grab it

only to look down and see him splayed open like the pages of a beautiful book

and you remember your regret

it makes your head spin, but you watch in slow motion as the photo falls from between his fingers and you lean down to catch it, but jaehyun presses up and catches your mouth with his.

it’s sloppy, awkward - but only for the first few seconds - until you can both adjust yourselves from your position and do it right and then it is

astonishing

because it feels like you’re kissing someone you’ve been kissing for years. decades. millennia's. eons.

it feels like you and jaehyun have been doing this since the big bang.

since humans first came to exist.

since, gosh you don’t know, since pangea freaking broke apart.

you make out for so long that you lose track of time and it gets late to the point where the darkness of the summer almost makes you ask him to stay over

but jaehyun is just so mannerly that he slips out the back door of your house with a final kiss and a promise to call

which he follows up on earlier than you expect, showing up on your doorstep to take you out for breakfast

only to end up with you two back in your room an hour later, kissing again, and again, and with more hands and less of his shirt or yours.

the only thing that unglues you from him is his phone ringing for what must be the tenth time

“it’s johnny”

you breath against jaehyun’s neck finally

“how do you know?”

“only he calls ten times in a row.”

and like your summer project, you don’t tell your friends about what’s going on between you two

jaehyun says it’s kind of hard to hide the obvious evidence on his body - but you tell him to say it was your other neighbor, or someone from another town

jaehyun agrees just because you pull the doe eye trick on him and he really is learning he can’t say no to that or to you in most situations

but everytime before and after band practice - he’s with you

sometimes he joins you on your little visits to the places still on your lists

when you tell him the sentimental value behind them, you get a little fidgety because being vulnerable is hard

but jaehyun listens and he says that each memory of yours he gets to watch you relive, helps him learn something about you

you don’t say it out loud - but hearing that makes you want to cry and kiss him and cry again

an other times, you two don’t do anything heartwarming or special, you just roll around with him, tangled up in one until he has to go

with each day, summer comes closer to

and end but you fall deeper into each other at a pace that might be alarming if it was any other two humans but the both you

and before you know it - it’s the day of johnny’s end of summer slash going away party

jaehyun is supposed to be there from like nine in the morning but he stops at your place before he bikes over

kissing your forehead he drops something in your palm

you open it to see his guitar pick

“won’t you need this for when you play?”

“i’m using my backup. i just thought you might want to put that one in your shoebox........since it could remind you of me......”

he flushes and you bite back your lip, part of you is happy because he’s just so cute it isn’t fair but the other is coming to the daunting idea that

soon enough - im leaving too, will jaehyun just be another memory to me?

instead of dwelling on it, you peck him again and ask,

“ill see you at the party?”

the party is most definitely a johnny suh party

the food is amazing, everyone on the planet is invited, and johnny is wearing something so bright it beats out the sun

when you arrive, his mother spends half an hour asking you to take care of him when he finally leaves and you don’t remind her that you’re going to two different places

you don’t see jaehyun or mark or jungwoo around - you assume they’re practicing somewhere for the performance while johnny is juggling both front lead singer and host

the party is fun - it really is - but the words “going away” somehow still make you a little sick

you’re about to escape to somewhere a little quieter, when you hear someone tap the mic on the makeshift stage in johnny’s backyard

you see him - and the rest of the band - gather on as johnny introduces them and shouts excitedly that this song they’re going to perform, written by keyboardist mark, is all about new beginnings!

jaehyun finds you in the crowd, a secret little smile on his lips before the music starts and to your surprise - and probably everyone elses - they actually do pretty good

the lyrics are so very mark, but johnny brings a flare to the way he sings it

jungwoo seems to have remembered how much he adores drumming again and the way jaehyun looks playing guitar is so enticing that you can’t help but feel a little pride in the fact that you’ve been tasting all of that for most of the summer

the sick feeling in your stomach turns into excitement which turns into just pure enjoyment as you watch your friends and your boyfriend up there having fun

when it’s over and they hop down to mingle back into the rest of the party, you really can’t help yourself and throw your arms around jaehyun

you kiss him - which earns a gasp from mark, a half smirk from jungwoo, and a loud clearing of his throat from johnny

you and jaehyun admit what’s been going on and when johnny just whistles you ask him if he’s not mad

“even if i was mad, you would still keep liking each other right - so what’s the point?”

you hug johnny, and mark, and jungwoo, and like nothing has changed you all fall back into the swing of it

the comfort of being around each other

when you five are the last people in johnny’s messy background you finally decide to tell them all about your summer project

“i knew you’d all say it was lame so i-”

“hey hey hey - it isn’t lame. it’s not what i expect but i get why you’d want to do it.”

johnny pats your shoulder and you feel jaehyun’s hand on the small of your back

it’s the kind of moment you want to never end.

really, you just want this summer to never end.

but when it does - when the day comes for the temperature to drop and for you to be on your way to a new place

you feel the sadness come in a big wave

johnny, mark, jungwoo, and jaehyun all come to say goodbye and you hold the shoebox in your hands - now heavy and filled to the brim with all your memories

before you say it though, each of them adds something

jungwoo drops his samsung internship ID into it

mark places the paper he wrote the draft of the lyrics to the song they performed at the party into it

and johnny chucks a burned CD version of it into the mix

finally, turning to jaehyun, you take in a deep breath

“i know the distance will be big so if you want to break up and-”

he kisses you before you can finish your sentence and slips a small box that you don’t open until you’re already in your new dorm

inside is a small bracelet, engraved on the inside are the words

“i definitely noticed you. it was love at first sight”

years later - jaehyun says those words again

as he’s reading his vows

and you’re feeling the fuzziness, the butterflies, the comforting warmth, everything like a tsunami of all the things that are you and jaehyun

and when johnny shows up to present the rings to you two

they’re in that old shoebox

two little bands at the bottom of all those memories

at the reception, you lean over and whisper to your now husband

“where did you find that old thing by the way?”

jaehyun nuzzles his lips against the cusp of your ear as you watch jungwoo and mark make fools of themselves on the dance floor

“under the bed, where you put everything you care about.”

#WELL !#i really took way too long to write this but just........alot of feelings at once #nct scenarios #nct 127 scenarios #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun au #nct au #nct 127 au #jaehyun #nct #nostolgic au #jaehyun imagines #nct imagines

670 notes · View notes

fandom-strumpet · 3 years

Text

Some Help

Prompt: Y/N gets back from a fight, she hasn’t shown Klaus her wings yet so when she needs help getting shrapnel out of them she calls for Rebekah. Rebekah isn’t home so Klaus comes to answer Y/N’s cries for assistance.

Word Count: 1705

Pairing: Klaus x Reader

Warnings: Blood, Angst, Swearing, Non canon character

You had just gotten home early from Prom night. You got in a fight with a nasty witch and you managed to take the fight outside with no casualties. Unfortunately, he had one upped you and sent metal shrapnel flying at you. The wings managed to take the most of the blow so the rest of your body was relatively fine save a few cuts and deep colored bruises. Stumbling into your room, you headed for the bathroom where you stripped out of the dress clumsily. Blood spatters ruined the sea green chartruese gown. You felt weary, slipping into some pajama shorts and black crop top bra. Dragging your feet you set yourself down on the sofa in your room. Suddenly you made your wings appear as you sat up and studied them in the vanity. Blood streaked down the feathers, and you began plucking out all the pieces of metal. Wincing, the first piece came out and it gave a clank as you tossed it on the vanity counter. 20 minutes later you were starting to work in the areas closest to your shoulder blades which were near impossible. The amount of pain you were in had you sweating and feeling delirious. At this rate you were going to pass out if you didn’t have some help.

“REBEKAAHH!” You yelled. You knew with her super hearing she would be able to hear you even in your weakened state. Silence.

“Rebekaaaaaah!” You groaned, leaning your forehead on the back of the sofa, your arms bracing you from collapse. Tears ran down your face and blurred the figure who knocked on the door.

“Rebekah?” You questioned.

“Not quite, love.” Answered a rich, honey accented voice.

Klaus. Your heart started racing, you couldn’t let him see you like this. He would think you were some kind of freak or monster. God I just need Rebekah.

“Where’s Bekah?” You rubbed your forehead.

“She’s still at the prom dance. What do you need?”

“Some help.” You sighed and Klaus went silent for a moment.

“Perhaps I could be of some assistance? Rebekah will be gone for a few more hours.”

You shook your head and groaned. I can’t last a few more hours.

“Y/N?”

Come in.”

Stepping in, Klaus gave an audible gasp at the sight. Here it comes. He’s going to say how horrific I look, what a beast I am. But no biting comments came, rather he was crossing over to you swiftly as he admired your beauty. His hands traced over your blood covered skin like he was afraid you would break any moment.

“Dear god, love. What happened to you?”

“Got in a fight with a witch and he put metal shards in my wings.” The hybrid growled hearing that.

“I need help getting the pieces out I can’t reach.”

“Alright, sit forward a bit darling.” He climbed onto the sofa behind you. His presence was a comfort, his heat and smell giving you a sense of security in the pain you were enduring.

“Here we go,” he warned and pulled a piece out. You hissed and Klaus put one hand on your back to still you as he continued to gently pull little pieces out of the feathers. You groaned and shut your eyes tight as nausea overwhelmed you.

“I’m sorry love, only one more to go.”

“It’s- AAAAAAAHHHGGG!”

Klaus had taken the opportunity to wrench out the largest piece near your shoulder blade where your wings joined your body. Tears streamed down your face as your scream filled the room. You made your wings vanish from sight, not able to bear another moment of Klaus’ view. Leaning back to collapse, Klaus cradled you in his arms as you sobbed. He planted a kiss on your forehead and softly apologized over and over for causing you so much pain.

“Y/N, you need to take a shower.”

“I don’t think I have the energy to stand that long and I don’t think you’ll want to get in the shower with me.”

Mentally Klaus countered your statement as he would like to but considering the circumstances it wouldn’t be the right time.

“Then I’ll help you to the bath.”

You nodded slightly. He was right, you needed to get all the excess blood off your body before you could fall asleep properly. Klaus went into the bathroom to start the bath while you got undressed. A few minutes later you walked into the bathroom to find a bathtub full of bubbles. The sight made you smile a bit, it was almost kid like to see all the foam. And it smelled like roses, oh heavens it looks amazing. Klaus turned and covered his eyes as you slipped out of the robe and into the sea of foam.

“You’re good to turn around now.”

Klaus turned and smiled at you. You looked like such an angel sitting there in the tub. Your bare skin attracted him like no other but he had to stay focused on the task at hand. Getting you cleaned up. Klaus grabbed a sponge and started helping get the blood off your back.

“Love, I’m going to need you to show me your wings again.”

There was a silence as you processed his request.You didn’t like that he had to see your true form but he was right. You had to clean the wings and you couldn’t do it without some help.

“Okay,” you said softly.

You focused your eyes on the suds as a whoosh sounded and your wings appeared. Klaus was speechless once again, his mind so wrapped up in you.

“This might hurt a bit.” Klaus warned.

And he was right, your wings stung as the sponge made contact. Klause watched as a mixture of water and blood dripped from your feathers into the water, creating swirls. For the next half hour, Klaus remained by your side helping you wash off. Finally, once almost all the bubbles were gone, and Klaus deemed you clean, you were able to get out. Klaus gave you his arm in support so you could get out and he respectfully looked away to give you some sort of privacy, no matter how minute.

“Do you need any help getting dressed?”

“Actually, yeah.” You blushed.

“Let me get you some pjs.”

“Middle drawer. You motioned with your head. In a flash, Klaus was back with your favorite graphic t shirt and comfy pj pants.

“I can get the bottoms, I just can’t quite get my arms high enough for the top.”

Klaus nodded in acknowledgement and turned around to let you get half dressed. He smiled a bit upon hearing the towel drop to the floor.

“Alright you can turn around now.”

Klaus turned to see your back facing him. You still felt shy about showing Klaus everything. A girl would normally dream about being stark naked with her crush but this just felt different. You felt so exposed in this weak moment. With your wings out of sight, Klaus could now see the already fading scars on your beautiful skin. He stepped forward and gently touched your back as if you would disappear if he wasn’t careful enough. He hadn’t realized how long he had stood there mesmerized by you until you cleared your throat.

“Um, Klaus?”

“Hmm?” He shook his head, his mind registering that he still held your shirt in his other hand.

“You ok?”

“Yes, sweetheart. Apologies, I just got lost in your beauty for a moment.”

You laughed nervously and looked at the ground to hide your furious blush.

“Here,” Klaus said gently and brought the shirt over your head, sliding his hand down your arm. Goosebumps raised on your skin feeling his soft touch. He helped lift your arm and then tracing his fingers across your back he moved to the next arm. Pulling your shirt down slowly, it teased him and hid your body from him once again. You turned around to face Klaus and for a moment you stared deep into his eyes. He grinned at you, dimples appearing on his stubble covered cheeks. Leaning forward you wrapped your arms around his torso, taking in his warmth and calming scent. He hummed and you felt his chest vibrate. It made you smile and gave you butterflies rampaging around in your chest.

“Let’s get you to bed, love.”

Stooping down he picked you up bridal style which made you gasp in surprise. Walking over and setting you down in bed, he covered you up with the soft blanket. He turned to leave before you stopped him.

“Klaus?” He turned around, his face poised in question.

“Will you stay with me?”

“Of course.” he smiled and went to sit down in a plush chair.

“No, Klaus.” you lifted the covers and patted the bed, “With me.”

Klaus’ face broke out in a beaming smile and crawled into bed with you taking the covers up with him. You sat up slightly to let Klaus slip his arm around you and you hummed in content upon feeling him against you. You both rested in quiet comfort and peace until you broke the silence.

“Do you think I’m a monster?” You asked quietly.

Klaus pulled you in closer and tilted your chin up to meet his frowning face.“Not one bit, love. And don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are.”

Your face scrunched up and you could feel a silent tear roll down. Klaus rubbed his thumb over your cheek to whisk the lone tear away. “You are the most beautiful woman I have ever met, you are absolutely stunning. Sweetheart, you are a shining star that out glows all the others, you are a gift from the heavens. Your mere presence is as calming as the roaring tide of the sea. Your smile brings joy to all who witness it and your laugh is the most beautiful song that everyone wants to sing along to because it is so contagious.”

Another tear fell down your cheek, but this time from peace. You scoot closer to Klaus until your head was resting on his chest. You closed your eyes as he started to play with your hair.

“I love you, Niklaus Mikaelson,” you whispered.

And with that you were asleep. Klaus felt stunned and elated at your words. He ran his fingers through your wavy hair and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead.

“And I love you, my sweet angel. Sleep well.”

You smiled in your sleep feeling his chest vibrate against you.

@katherinesbtch @rome5683

#klaus mikaelson fanfiction #klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson x reader #klaus mikaelson imagine #tvd fanfiction

248 notes · View notes

axwalker · 3 years

Text

Creep 2: I don’t care if it hurts

HIGH SCHOOL AU

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Lexie O’Brien) Book TRR

MASTERLIST HERE

Synopsis: Drake and Lexie are star-crossed lovers. Her father hates him and forces Lexie to stop any contact with Drake. Lost and heartbroken, he “bullies” her for two years until he discovers the truth of Lexie’s behavior.

A/N 1 This came up to me after I got an ask from @nestledonthaveone to write a fic based on the song CREEP.

I used to hear this song when I was a teenager, so when I read this ask, I immediately wanted to write something angsty but situated in high school.

A/N 2: Because they’re younger than usual, I decided to change my FC.

Words: 4,110

WARNINGS: Parental abuse, domestic violence, toxic love.

THIS IS NOT YOUR USUAL MARSHMALLOW DRAKE. He was abandoned as a boy, he’s tortured and he doesn’t know how to express his love. His behavior is not excusable.

This is a dark love story. If you’re not comfortable with it, PLEASE do not read it.

ALL MY FICS ARE 18+

TAGS ON THE COMMENTS

As this is darker than usual; I’m only tagging the people who commented in the previous chapter. If you want to get on or off the list for this fic, please do not hesitate to ask!!

DRAKE

Even if she never looks at me or speaks to me again, she’s mine. Even if I’ve been a horrible jerk to her for two years and she pales every time I pull into the parking lot on my motorcycle, she is mine. Just seeing her with him enrages me, so I walk straight toward my usual seat, directly behind Lexie, and slam my textbook down onto the desk.

Startled, Rys looks up at me, “Hey, Walker. What’s up?”

It’s not the first time he tries to make a move on Lexie. Last time –two years ago, we almost killed each other. Pretty boy might be an entitled ass, but he knows how to fight. Maybe he thinks Lexie is game again after all this time. He couldn’t be more wrong.

“Don’t you have a class this period?” I ask him. Liam cocks his left eyebrow, adjusting the straps of his backpack.

“I fail to see why that concerns you, Creep.”

My smile is murderous. “Get the fuck out of here before I break your face, pretty boy.”

I think he has a death wish because he looks at Lexie when he talks, “See you after class, Alexis, when your watchdog will be busy mowing my lawn.” Finally, he just shakes his head and gets out of the classroom. I resume my daily routine. Staring at the back of Lexie’s head, tracing the curve of her perfect neck, my cock getting hard over her perfect cherry scent.

“So that’s what you like,” I say, leaning forward to speak an inch from her ears. “You like them with blond hair and pink polo shirts. Prospects for Cambridge or shit. A huge trust fund. Don’t you? A brat like you needs someone who can spoil her. I bet you’d introduce him to daddy, wouldn’t you?”

She doesn’t respond. She never does. Her eyes stay stubbornly on the front of the class where the teacher has started writing today’s lesson on the board—my hands fist in desperation. I’m dying for her to talk to me. To look at me. Anything. “Too bad, Lexie. I’ll scare every single one of those fucking entitled boys off. You’re going to sit alone in your house on prom night, crying into your designer sheets like a baby. And I’m going to enjoy it.”

The only sign that she hears me at all is the quickening rise and fall of her shoulders. Even that tiny display that I’ve upset her is agonizing, floods me with self-loathing, but I can never stop. She ripped out my fucking heart, and I can’t deal with the consequences of that alone. I can’t let her go. I’ll never let her go. This toxic feeling is the only thing left between us. My hands shake with the urge to take her in my arms, to stop the trembling I caused. To protect her from everything. Even myself. I’d love to move my fingers up into the silky, brown hair that reaches the middle of her graceful neck. I don’t have a lot of money; most of the cash I earn as a handyman goes to food and fixing my dad’s cabin, but I’d give every last cent for her to turn and lock those soft brown eyes on me, just one last time. Sometimes when I jerk off, all it takes is fantasizing about Lexie looking at me, giving me one of those shy smiles, and I lose it. One stroke. Maybe two. Done. I can’t breathe without having her close. And I can’t breathe with her close. It’s a strange condition, this obsession, but she’s an addiction that I just can’t give up.

How could I? She’s intelligent, strong, and so damned gorgeous. Once upon a time, I thought she had a good heart too. But that was before she broke my pathetic heart only because I’m poor. I’ve been hurting since then, and I need her to hurt too. To know what it feels.

“Do you actually think that dumb rich boy would be a good choice for your first time, Lexie?” I grip my desk so tight it nearly breaks down, just thinking about her being kissed –touched by someone else. “At least that’s one thing us poor motherfuckers have going for us. We know how to fuck. If you went out with Rys for a while, you’d eventually give in and come slumming it one night, wouldn’t you? Knock on my rundown cabin door, begging me to fuck you as we both know you’d like.”

A pretty blush is starting to climb her neck. I have to take a deep breath to keep from kiss her pink cheeks. But I think if I got to touch her skin, my wall of bullshit would crumble. I’ve only fucked one girl. Since seeing Lexie for the first time freshman year, there’s been no one but her. I want no one else. She owns my cock as sure as she owns my heart. How easily she’s forgotten about both leaving me in agony.

“Stop,” she breathes. I freeze. Did she just speak to me? It’s the first time in two years that she’s even remotely acknowledged my existence.

“Lexie,” I managed to say. I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. That’s all it took. One pleading word out of her mouth, and I’m done.

“Just stop,” she says again, turning her head slightly. “Please.”

I fall back in my chair, my heart thundering on my chest. If we weren’t in the middle of class, if I didn’t feel like a monster, I would pull her into my arms right now. I’d hug her until she stopped struggling, then beg her to hit me, bruise me, make me pay for every shitty thing I’ve ever said to her. But before long, the class is over, and she’s leaving the classroom to get out of here. To put distance between us as quickly as possible—and I have no choice but to watch her because I feel physically ill. Still, I manage to get out into the student-packed hallway, my plan to apologize for being crude and a jerk and torturing her for so long.

My head is telling me not to apologize, though. It’s telling me she deserved it for being such a snob, for breaking me, for valuing money and status like everyone else. My damned heart is telling an entirely different story. It’s insisting there is an explanation for her behavior. Am I going to apologize or not? The decision is taken out of my hands when Lexie opens her locker, and the little gift I left before class falls down. It’s a picture I cut out from our last yearbook. In the photo is a gorgeous smiling Lexie above the caption Most Likely to Succeed. Except I’ve crossed out the caption and added my own. Most Likely to Be a Trophy Wife. Watching her read it, I almost get sick right there in the hallway. Usually, she’s perfectly composed, not betraying a trace of emotion where I’m concerned—a real Ice queen. I’ve always thought she honestly didn’t care. Today, though… she’s not pulling it off. Something is not okay with her, and I don’t like it. She has to bite down on her bottom lip to stop it from quivering as she puts the photo back into her locker, out of sight, her bright eyes finding me briefly, massacring me where I stand. Betraying with one single look how much she has been affected by my actions. Christ. She hasn’t been indifferent at all.

Before I can react, before I can call her name, she’s gone, vanished into the crowd of wild students excited to be leaving for the day. And I know what I have to do. I have to see her. To apologize. To get an explanation for everything. Tonight. I’ll return to her house for the first time in two years.

LEXIE

I’ve known this was coming all day. Sitting on the couch in my living room, trying to make myself as small as possible, I watch my father pace. He rants, gesticulating noisily. This isn’t new, my father’s rage threatening me. But it’s going to be worse than usual. Business has declined for him and it’s put his temper on a trigger. Dad’s new wife, Nancy, hates to be on a budget, and she’s been spending his money like crazy all over Paris --where she’s now. When dad gets home from the office, he’s rarely in anything but a horrible mood. A tornado eating up everything in its path. Completely terrifying. At least dad’s temper makes me forget what Drake told me today, the ugly words he said to me, the boiling anger in his eyes when he looks at me.

“Are you even listening?” The slap across the face comes as a shock because I’d momentarily disappeared into my thoughts, but the sting quickly brings me back to reality.

“Yes, sir,” I say, my ears ringing. “I’m listening.”

“This C on your algebra test is going to drag your whole average down.” He’s waving the test in my face. “What a disappointment you are, Alexis. Your teacher shared my disgust.” I nod solemnly, but I’m listening for the rain outside. “I guess you’re your daughter’s mother after all. A poor Mexican girl who could barely count.” It’s not true. My mom learned English and Greek by herself, and she was a great Spanish teacher in Portavira, but my father would rather die than acknowledge how smart she was.

“Don’t talk like that about her,” I retort.

My father snorts. “I beg your pardon?” He takes a step towards me, and I can see the threat in his eyes.

“I’m sorry.” I hate to be such a coward, but I know what he can do to me.” I’ll do extra credit. Something to bring my grade back up to an A.” I wet my lips. “Even if I can’t manage to raise the grade, it’s not going to show up on the college transcripts I sent off with my applications.” That’s the reason I let my focus slip a little in algebra. The finish line is in sight for everyone, and we’re just waiting to find out where we’ll be accepted for college. It’s a wonder I’ve been able to maintain my focus this long in any class, considering Walker sits behind me in every period, brooding making me feel … something. At the reminder of him, I want to close my eyes and dream about him. I replay that night in my garden when he kissed me two years ago, so tenderly and passionately, when he spoke to me so sweetly and honestly before he became the second villain in my story. Someone I dread, as much as I crave the sight of him.

At least that’s one thing us poor motherfuckers have going for us. We know how to fuck. If you went out with that punk for a while, you’d eventually give in and come slumming it one night, wouldn’t you? Knock on my trailer door, begging me to ride you right.

Should I be ashamed of the way my body reacted to those words? I grew uncomfortably damp in the hard plastic chair, the center of my body clenching, seeming to beat like a heart. His breath on my neck made me shiver, head to toe. Even the way he scared off Liam Rys did something to me. Aroused me. Deeply. It got so bad that I broke the rules and asked him to stop. I can still hear him saying my name in that tortured way after. That shocked, uneven sound. Lexie. And whether I’m ashamed of myself for it or not, I know I’ll think of it when I touch myself tonight. His voice, his hands, his eyes obsess me.

“College?” My father snorts, tearing the test in half. “You’re not going to college.”

This grabs my attention. A horrible feeling is making me cold. “I’m…what? What do you mean? I applied to nine different schools. I have a four-point five GPA.”

For the first time, I notice his red face is about more than just rage. There’s…humiliation. I’ve never seen him display that emotion.

“None of the American colleges that accepted you offered scholarships.”

“I’ve been accepted?” I gasp, sitting forward, heart pounding in my chest. “Where? I didn’t see the letters—”

“All the mail in this house goes through me, Alexis. I read them. And you failed to get academic scholarships. You failed. Not that I’m surprised.”

I don’t point out that his refusal to let me participate in any extracurricular activities is more than likely to blame for that. I’m too worried about what he’s saying, what this means. The blood is draining from my head, making the room spin around me.

“Okay, I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry. But…we have money. We can pay tuition, can’t we? Or colleges in Cordonia are almost for free. I can go to any of them; I don’t have to go to NYU.” I have to get out of here. I have to get out of here. This is my way out. College is the escape route. I counted on going back to New York, but I can stay here and go to college in Cordonia City.

“Listen to you, so quick to spend my hard-earned money—spoiled brat. And of course, you can’t go to college in Cordonia. What for? To end up being a schoolteacher like your mom? A housewife as Nancy?” He laughs bitterly. “No, you’ll stay here, and I’ll help you find someone suitable to marry.”

I shake my head. “There’s financial aid, then. Loans or I can get a job and go to college in Portavira…”

“You want to leave, just like her, don’t you? You’re all the same.”

I don’t even flinch when he yanks me to my feet, shoving me into the wall. In fact, for the first time, I took him right into his eyes. And I can see the violence burning on them has nothing to do with me. It never had anything to do with how I behave, my choices, how hard I worked in school. How welcome I made Nancy feel or cooked a roast. It’s about him and his self-loathing. It’s his sickness. Not mine. I can also see that he was never going to send me to college. Because he wouldn’t be able to control me from a distance or stop me from sharing what I’ve been subjected to since my mother died. Not like he does now. He wasn’t physically abusive all the time. Especially not when his new wife is around. But she traveled often, and then he’d push me. Shove me. Slapped me several times. I’ll graduate at the top of my class for nothing. He knew I would all along.

That’s when I realize I’m free. I don’t have money, but college is free in Cordonia. I can work, save a little and go to college in one or two years. I’ll be a writer; it’ll just take more time than I thought. “Go to hell,” I whisper.

He steps back, giving me the momentary satisfaction of his shock. “What did you say?”

Liberated, I scream it this time. “Go to hell!” From the moment I sat down to have this conversation, I knew tonight would be worse than usual, but I’ve just bought myself a ticket to hell. Usually, I can retreat to the untouchable place inside of me as he unleashes his rage, but not tonight. He doesn’t stop at one or two slaps. He punches and kicks, and I’m present for every punch and kick. Every yelled insult. Finally, I start to get scared. I’m crawling across the carpet on my hands and knees, searching for a weapon I can use in my defense when I glance out the window and see Drake staring back at me, his face a mask of horror.

Drake

What I’m seeing just isn’t possible. It can’t be real. My head won’t accept it. Not until her terror-filled eyes meet mine through the window and the truth pounds on my chest, leaves no doubt that this is real life. Lexie’s father is beating her. Her mouth is bloody, one of her eyes beginning to swell, arms and legs visibly weakened. I can barely fucking process it before my body is springing into action, desperate to protect her. To put a stop to the worst thing I have ever seen. What the fuck. Scorching hot rage takes over. I kick in the front door and throw myself between Lexie and her father. His fist is raised, but it pauses when he sees me, his momentary confusion giving me the time I need to knock him out cold. It only takes one right uppercut from someone his own size, and he goes down, his blank, glassy eyes staring at nothing, mouth opened. It’s not satisfying enough.

Nothing will ever be satisfying enough. I want to kill him, destroy him, but my Lexie is struggling for breath behind me, and she’s all I can think about. Turning, I approach her, my heart threatening to jump off my chest. As gently as I can, I catalog all of the cuts and purpling skin. No. No. Who could do this to her? Who could lay a finger on her in anything but reverence? Get her out of here. Calling her name, I reach down to pick her up, but she flinches and hurries back, bringing her body up against the wall.

“Don’t touch me!” Those words filled with fear rip the soul clean out of my body. My hands drop limply to my sides and two years come rushing back, hitting me in the chest like a hammer. Every word, every action. Everything I did to make her life harder when this is what she’s been dealing with at home? Fuck me.

“Lexie…” My voice is as kind as I can. I feel broken. “I’m sorry. I came here to apologize. For everything.”

She puffs a humorless laugh, testing her cut lip with the tip of her tongue. “Bet you weren’t expecting to see this.”

“If I knew this was happening, I would have been here a long time ago. I would have stopped it. I swear Lex.”

Her expression can only be described as stunned. Maybe even a little pissed. “You are not my savior, Drake. You are my enemy. You’ve been for two years, and I want nothing else from you now.”

“I am not your enemy.” Those words barely make it out of me, my chest hurts so fucking bad. “Don’t say that.”

Unsteadily, she uses the wall to try and stand. I try to help her, but she recoils, and it’s a dagger straight into the center of my throat. Nothing less than I deserve, though, isn’t it? Her distrust of me is entirely my fault. I’ve made her hate me. There has to be some way to fix what I’ve done. Please God, let there be away. But right now, my main concern is her physical safety. Knowing she’s been in danger all along is unbearable. I only decided to come here tonight a few hours ago. What if I didn’t? What if I arrived an hour later? The possibilities are going to haunt me for the rest of my life. From the floor, her father groans, shifting slightly.

“We need to get you out of here,” I say, anxious to get her free of this place. “Now, Lexie. I need to get you somewhere safe.”

She’s standing now. Leaning against the wall and cradling one arm to her stomach, regarding me warily. “How do I know I’m safe with you?” It’s so much worse that her question is honest. Not meant to hurt me. She honestly doesn’t know if I pose a threat. It guts me where I stand.

“You are the safest with me,” I say thickly, cursing myself. Wanting to erase the last two years so badly, my hands shake. “Please believe me. I’d die before hurting you. I’d never, Lexie. I’d never do something like that.”

Her father rolls over onto his back and slurs a few words before losing consciousness again. Still, the sound of the older man’s voice seems to scare Lexie, “I…maybe you can just give me a ride to…a motel maybe?” She pushes off the wall, her step uneven as she walks toward the stairs. “I need some things from my room.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her we don’t have time, but I’m just grateful she’s trusting me enough to leave with me, so I don’t argue. I just wait until she’s halfway up the stairs, then tie her father’s hands behind his back with my belt in case he wakes up before we leave. I have no problem knocking him out a second time, but Lexie has seen enough violence for one night. Cautiously, I walk up the stairs toward the light coming from a room halfway down the hall. This place is a far cry from my home. It’s elegant and clean, and tasteful, but it lacks any warmth whatsoever. It’s cold, like a museum. Turning the corner into Lexie’s room, it’s time to hate myself all over again. There is nothing on the walls, none of the expensive furnishings. Just four white walls, a bed, and a dresser that doubles as a desk. Several textbooks. She looks back at me over her shoulder as if judging my reaction, and I keep my features impassive, though I’m dying on the inside.

“What can I do?” I ask.

“How long do we have?”

“As long as you need.” It’s physically painful not to pull her into my arms when I’m standing this close, and she’s hurt. Sad. Yet full of more inner strength than I’ve ever witnessed in another human being. I’m lucky just to be in her presence. I fucked up royally. And if she allows me back in, I’ll never do it again. It’s probably, definitely, too much to hope for. Being allowed back in. She doesn’t even look sure about having me in her room. Let alone her heart. I was trying to protect my own heart, but I lost it instead.

“Um…” She closes her eyes to focus, a familiar trait I’ve seen in class countless times. “There is a black bag in the hallway closet. Can you just stuff anything into it from the bathroom that looks useful?”

Ask me to bring you a unicorn. I’ll find a way to do it. “Sure.” We work in silence, Lexie taking things out of drawers and adding them to the bag, which I’ve left open on the floor. I add toiletries from the bathroom, and once it’s zipped, I wait, watching her hesitate in the doorway.

“Lexie?” Conflicted chocolate eyes meet mine.

“I can’t just leave, can I?”

“You’re not safe here, baby,” I say softly, trying to keep the residual rage at bay because it’s the last thing she needs. Not to mention she’s had her fill with negativity from me. No more. “How long…how long?”

She shrugs, the saddest expression in her eyes. “My mom died five years ago. Ever since then, it’s gotten worse and worse. Although I never had a chance to talk to anyone about what happened behind closed doors, you know? I don’t think a person can evolve into a monster. It’s inside him.”

“I don’t know,” I say. “I became one, didn’t I?”

That gives her pause, forms a line between her delicate brows. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

She starts to walk past me, stops, standing close enough to fill my nose with cherry. “He told me if I ever spoke to you ever again, he would hurt me. Ruin you, have you evicted. Make sure you never got hired again. I didn’t mean to…hurt you. Or hurt your feelings, if that’s what happened.”

That revelation destroys me, sets me on fire. “Jesus, Lexie. You were protecting me? And I…I tortured you for it?” I twist the neck of my T-shirt, trying to calm down, but it doesn’t work. I’ll never be calm again “I’m so fucking sorry.”

She glances at the doorway, then back at me, eyes closed again in that way that says she’s thinking. “All I want from you now is a ride out of here, okay? And on Monday morning, you’ll stop.” She opens her shining eyes again. “No more bullying, Drake. If you’re really sorry, you’ll do that for me.”

Fuck. I couldn’t say one more single shitty thing to her if my life depended on it. Put me at gunpoint, and I’d rather get shot at than torture this girl for one more second. But I’m highly, painfully aware that with an end to the bullying comes an end to the possessiveness. No more scaring off guys who show interest in her. No more getting close enough in class to count the hairs on her head, to smell her sweet fragrance. And to tell the truth, I’m pretty fucking worried I don’t know how to give those things up completely. I don’t think I can physically do it. This addiction with Lexie isn’t something I can cut off. A leg would be easier to sever. But my hesitation is causing her eyes to worry. If I don’t agree to, essentially, let her go… she’s not going anywhere with me. And that means her safety won’t be guaranteed. I need it to be. More than anything.

“No more bullying,” I say, finally. A moment later, I follow her out of the room and down the stairs, trying desperately to count the hairs on her head before I no longer have the chance.

#tw domestic violence #toxic relationship #tw bullying

67 notes · View notes

teabookgremlin · 2 years

Text

jackie x shauna playlist by me

it’s on apple music and i’m struggling to share it but here’s a list of songs and why. anyway this will be a hella long post bc i’m emotional and thinking about my girlies at 11 at night. i also have a tai x van playlist and a general yellowjackets playlist so i might do this for those at some point cause i like to talk lol

supercut by lorde: ok so the “in my head i do everything right/when you call we forgive and not fight” bit is like, yep that’s it. shauna spends her entire adult life in her head, wishing to redo their fight. also instagram user shipmvn made a FANTASTIC edit to this song you should go watch it (they actually led me to a fair amount of songs on this playlist)

the night we met by lord huron: “i had all of you, most of you, some and now none of you” thats it. that’s them

boyfriend by dove cameron: this song doesn’t entirely fit but like they would be better partners to each other than jeff was to either of them and also maybe if shauna had just realized she was in love with jackie they’d be alright

all too well (ten minute version) by taylor swift: “i still remember the first fall of snow/and how it glistened as it fell/i remember it all too well” this line just yeah, jackie died in the first fall of snow, shauna remembers everything about jackie and their relationship all too well

back to december by taylor swift: a song about feeling regret over lost love also again with the winter themes

ribs by lorde: the nostalgia, wishing to be back in childhood, when things were easier. i feel like some of the repeated lines are things that would run through shauna’s mind (or even jackie’s before her death) i.e. “i want ‘em back, i want ‘em back/the minds we had, the minds we had”

hurts like hell by fleurie: obviously lost love again, but there’s also a wish to keep the singer’s true feelings secret, as jackie and shauna did

how i get myself killed by indigo de souza: i feel like this song really represents jackie’s mental state as she falls apart especially after finding out about shauna and jeff

only love can hurt like this by paloma faith: i can see jackie’s death being the thing that makes shauna realize her true feelings for her

only friend by wallows: jackie just wants shauna to love her and care for her as much as she does her :(

haunted by taylor swift: not too deep here, just shauna being haunted by jackie

i went too far by aurora: i think the idea of begging for love really fits jackie and shauna’s situation, then the loss felt in the song suits post-jackie popsicle

cigarette daydreams by cage the elephant: honestly just the line “you were only 17″ is just yeah “we were kids and it was awful”

little talks by of monsters and men: the artists describe this song as a conversation between someone and a dead loved one and i think that it just suits these girlies pretty well

cartwheel by lucy dacus: see the whole bit after “when you told me bout your first time”. it’s them, it’s literally them

seven by taylor swift: missing childhood innocence and love

prom queen by molly kate kestner: god save jackie [the prom queen]

that way by tate mcrae: thinking about the scene at the pep rally, yeah friends definitely don’t look at friends that way

one last time, please by dodie: shauna desperately wanting another chance, just one more night to make up, to tell jackie how she feels, to apologize

my tears ricochet by taylor swift: i picture this as being from dead jackie’s perspective, watching shauna deal with the grief

codependency by orla gartland: idk i just feel like it really represents why shauna started to resent jackie

i love you so by the walters: another fairly self explanatory one, i view it as a conversation between shauna and ghost jackie

visions of gideon by sufjan stevens: shauna kind of coming to a realization of exactly what she’s done, that jackie is gone and that it’s partially her fault

hard feelings/loveless by lorde: another lost love song full of regret and pain and wishing for a way to repair what was broken

older by gracie abrams: probably kind of in the woods, as they drift apart

your graduation by modern baseball: “i never though that i, oh i would see that day/when i’d just let you fo and walk away, walk away”

the way i loved you by taylor swift: adult shauna feeling unsatisfied with jeff and wishing that, despite the nature of her and jackie’s relationship, that she could go back to that and go back to it in a romantic sense

arms unfolding by dodie: so this reminds me of jackie’s dream as she dies

i’m trying by maisie peters: everything about their relationship is awful but jackie wants so badly to make it work and just i wanna scream

right where you left me by taylor swift: jackie is literally the girl who got frozen

this is not every song on the playlist just the ones i felt like talking about but yeah if anyone read this whole thing maybe you enjoyed it, idk i just wanted to get my thoughts out

#yellowjackets #rambles #music #jackie x shauna #i have a lot of thoughts ok #i should be allowed to write an essay on jackie and shauna for school #i’d ace it

11 notes · View notes

thecarnivorousmuffinmeta · 3 years

Note

how do you think edward would react if he was in the same truck-baseball game time loop bella was in (either if bella was in it or wasn't, whatever you prefer)

For reference, that one time Bella's stuck in a time loop.

Are we asking to make Edward even crazier than usual? Well, that will surely go... interesting places. Let's do it.

Edward In the Loop With Bella

Loop One

There Edward is, facing off with James, Victoria, and Laurent, gearing up for the fight of his life as he realizes exactly what it is James wants and is planning and then...

Then he blinks, he's in the parking lot, Bella's about to be hit by a van.

Edward panics, desperately saves her life, and has no idea what's happening. Did he... hallucinate those months? Were those his lovesick dreams of having Bella for himself?

Of course they were, he says as he drives to the hospital in Bella's car, sobbing as he listens to George Michael's Careless Whisper. For Bella, this bright, beautiful, angelic girl, could never love a beast such as him. He desperately tries to put his love for Bella out of his mind, for it can never be, what they had was a dream and nothing more.

BEEEEEELLLLLLLAAAAAA!

Bella ruins this noble, romantic, tragedy in two seconds when Edward enters the hospital and goes, "You're not going to believe me, but I'm from the fuuuuuuutuuuuuuure!"

Well, Edward doesn't actually like that, makes all of this a little anticlimactic. He questions her extensively, tries to convince her that she's just hallucinating, she hit her head pretty hard, but eventually gives up. Their memories seem to match up exactly, he and Bella are actually from the future.

Edward's not even sure why he's disappointed himself, yet, somehow he is.

He goes home and gets to be the one to tell the Cullens it's all fine, he's from the future, Bella is too, they're not going to kill her because Edward's in love with her, can we skip this?

The Cullens stare, Alice really doesn't know how she feels about this, but we get a similar reaction to canon. Where Carlisle says, "Alright then... I guess this means no moving."

Edward sighs, for the first time, he doesn't really feel like going to Bella's that night. He instead sits at the piano, playing Chop Sticks, wondering why he feels so despondent.

Bella loves him, he loves Bella, they're dating, he has everything he ever wanted. Why isn't he happy?

He gets to school and Bella's very clingy and seems to want to pick off exactly where they left off. She wants Edward to sit with her at lunch, she's talking about visiting the Cullens as soon as possible, she wants to go on a real date.

And Edward realizes that he doesn't have to battle with himself to stay away from Bella anymore, he's done that. He doesn't have to rescue her in Port Angeles, Bella's not going. He's not taking her to the meadow, he's done that too.

Edward's been there and done that for all of this. This isn't even a chance to redo his mistakes, if he'd really made any, because all the things he'd want to do again involve Bella who came back with him.

Edward throws himself into dating Bella, trying to shake himself loose from this strange sense of apathy. Bella doesn't even seem to notice the difference in him, something in Edward... grows a little cold.

He finds himself to returning to his plans of how best to nobly leave her. Something he always acknowledged he would do, but before looked at with reluctance. Now he actively schemes when and how it should occur.

He should wait until summer, that will be easiest on the family for the pretext of "moving", and that way he can go to Prom with Bella. She'll get over him quickly, move on with her human life, while Edward watches her from the shadows.

Bella finally starts to notice that Edward is... distant. She tries to confront him, ask what she's doing wrong, and desperately throws herself into the relationship. That just makes it worse for Edward.

The pair start fighting, Edward insists Bella does not come to the baseball game, and just then they loop again.

Loop Two

Edward's back in the parking lot, Bella's about to be hit by a van. Edward once again heroically saves her, but he feels as if he's going through the motions.

In the hospital room, neither Bella nor Edward say a word to one another, both realize exactly what has happened. After a moment of silence, Edward suggests that, perhaps, what they need is distance.

Just a few weeks apart.

Bella says nothing.

Edward consults Alice, telling her what's been happening to him, and Alice tells him that as far as she can tell nothing is wrong with time itself. Her visions work as usual, it's just that Edward and Bella's decisions have changed.

Though, not the outcomes, Alice confirms that either Bella will become a vampire or she'll die. Alice suggests, hesitantly, that if this keeps happening perhaps Bella has to be a vampire to stop this.

Perhaps that's why Alice only sees two futures. Because any future where Bella remains human, they loop.

Edward refuses to accept this in a rage. This, this cannot happen, he will loop for all eternity rather than turn Bella! HE IS NOT A TOY OF FATE!

There's a fire in Edward now, he returns through Bella's bedroom window, and restarts their passionate romance. Bella's thrilled, the love of her life has come back for her, she cries tears of joy.

For months, Bella and Edward are back in the honeymoon stage of their romance.

They loop again.

Loop Three

Bella points out that they're still looping. This is... starting to get weird. Maybe they should figure out solutions to this?

Edward says THIS IS FINE, with Alice's words ringing in the back of his mind. Bella can never know.

Too bad for him, this is Bella's first guess. Maybe, if she becomes a vampire, somehow the loops will stop. EDWARD WILL NEVER TARNISH HER LIKE THAT.

Bella is very hurt, and upset, and asks if Edward will seriously spend forever, trapped in these few months, unable to move forward rather than turn her.

Edward desperately tries to convince her that these months are wonderful. You love being trapped in this timeframe, Bella.

He romances her harder than ever, only this time, Bella's the one that's not thrilled.

She and Edward have no future. Edward would literally rather be trapped in this utterly absurd scenario, never able to move forward with their lives, rather than turn her into a vampire.

A lot of fights happen. In desperation, Edward proves that they can move forward, that this endless loop is what vampirism itself is like, where time ceases to have meaning. He proposes to Bella, they will marry.

Bella flat out says no, she doesn't want to marry, and god marry while she's still in highschool? Can she even legally get married right now?

Edward... did not expect that answer.

The pair end up on and off fighting up until the loop happens.

Loop Four

This time, distracted by his own ire, Edward forgets to stop the van. Bella is crushed, Edward and the family have to hightail it out of there to not slurp her blood off the asphalt, and Edward is horrified.

He... murdered Bella. She's dead, because he allowed petty arguments to distract him. Oh god.

To his horror, the loop keeps going, and he lives in terror that it will proceed past the baseball game. What if Bella's dead forever? What if, rather than turn her, the only other way out of the loop was her death?

Edward's an utter mess, clawing at the walls, and the family doesn't understand at all because Bella Swan is simply a girl who had a tragic death.

To Edward's horrified relief, he loops.

Loop N

Bella remembers Edward failed to save him. She does not blame him for it, but Edward certainly blames himself and there's now... a wall between them that wasn't there.

Nonetheless, they try again. This time, they'll go back to the basics.

Edward eats her in the meadow.

They loop.

Edward keeps accidentally eating her.

It's horrible and then he realizes... it doesn't matter. It never lasts, he's a monster yes, but he always was one. It seems he's doomed to eat Bella Swan. And at least he knows she'll be here tomorrow.

And if he's damned anyway then he might as well enjoy it.

He starts eating her on purpose.

Soon, they get a little routine down.

Bella nearly gets hit by a van, Edward saves her life, they go to the hospital, Edward drags her into a closet, eats her, then throws her corpse out the window and tells Carlisle she committed suicide.

Such a tragic end.

Bella starts desperately trying to save herself, but it's all over so quick, now her life is endlessly getting eaten by Edward.

Given this loop seems to be infinitely long, and thus all remote possibilities will eventually occur, there will be a timeline where Edward accidentally turns Bella into a vampire.

However, Edward can't do math, so he hasn't figured that out yet.

In the meantime, now that he's let go of all morality, he's having a great time.

... And it's probably best we leave Edward looping on his own for another post. That got long.

#twilight #twilight meta #twilight headcanon #twilight renaissance #edward cullen #anti edward cullen #bella swan #edward/bella #anti edward/bella #time loop #meta #headcanon #opinion

130 notes · View notes