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creedslove · 8 months

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WHO KNEW? 💍💔

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

"You took my hand, you showed me how

You promised me you'd be around (...)

I took your words and I believed in everything you said to me (...)

If someone said three years from now, you'd be long gone, I'd stand up and punch them out, 'cause they're all wrong

I know better, 'cause you said forever, and ever, who knew?"

Summary: You and Joel had been married for a few months when he broke things up with you because he'd fallen in love with someone else, Sarah's mom. You parted ways but more than a decade later you end up meeting Sarah and that leads you to face your ex-husband one more time

• Inspired by this amazing HEADCANON request ❤️

Warnings: angst, broken hearts, asshole!Joel, divorce, infidelity, pregnancy, fluff (a little, maybe?) age gap (Joel is four to five years older than reader and the time skip is 12 to 14 years (Sarah's age) but feel free to imagine whatever you want)

A/N: Hi guys!!! I got obsessed with this story ever since I received that ask and turned into a headcanon but it wasn't enough, I had to write a longer, fuller version of this story! I think it's so appealing because we are all used to Joel being our knight in shining armor, always the perfect husband/boyfriend and well, here we can see another part of him. It's not a crime to fall in love with someone else, but the way he broke reader's heart was very mean. Also, I didn't specify reader's profession, just keep in mind she studied A LOT and now she makes good money, but feel free to idealize her job the way you want. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this story, besties ❤️

10.6k words

You never really understood why some people told you getting married so young would be a mistake. It didn't make sense to you, at all. You and your soon-to-be husband Joel, were young, yes, but you loved each other deeply. You figured it didn't take much more than that to make a happy marriage.

You were fresh from highschool, always had good grades and it didn't take long for you to be accepted in many different institutions, and yet, you decided it would be a good idea to take a sabbatical year in order to get yourself sorted out, maybe get a job and save up some money and enjoy your marriage a little. Joel was very supportive of you, even if he knew you would eventually leave for college and you would both have to make it work long distance.

Joel was just a couple of years older, he'd just left the military and he also needed to know what to do in life, in order to support his wife, he didn't have the book smarts his girl did, but he was kind-hearted and hard-working. He also hadn't planned on getting married that young, but before he could even try to make any sense out of it, he was deeply in love with you.

So Joel proposed, you said yes, his dad helped him get a small, but cute house and the two of you started your new wed life.

For the first few months, everything was a bed of roses; you were so in love, that man was simply intoxicating. His touches, his kisses, his body, his smell, everything about him was addictive to you and you couldn't be without it.

You had found yourself a part time job as a sales clerk at a baby clothes store at the mall, just as Joel was working as an apprentice in the construction business, it was a very hard job, and just in a matter of a couple of months, you saw your boyfriend becoming bigger and more muscular. He worked hard for you, for your relationship, your marriage and the future family you would build in a couple of years. Even if your friends had told you it was madness getting married so young and your family had asked you not to do it, everything was just fine, what could go wrong?

Every single day, Joel would come back home, tired from work, and he would be welcomed by you in your fullest housewife version. Dinner all ready, house spotless clean and a loving wife dying to be in his arms. He would not disappoint you, taking you into his arms, lifting you up, pressing you against the wall, his kisses were so urgent, so needy of you, his hands roamed all over your body as you felt his cock throbbing. Every night next to your handsome husband Joel was a delight, it was your personal piece of heaven, nothing could stop the two of you when you were together, but eventually, it happened.

You didn't know exactly how it started, or when for that matter, it was all a thick fog in your mind, being unable to say precisely when your marriage began falling apart. Perhaps it happened sooner than you thought but you were just too naive or too blind to see; first thing you noticed, were the kisses; they were gone. No kissing before going to work in the morning but you shrugged it off, thinking that maybe Joel was just in a rush to get to work. Though you really missed them, your skin seemed to burn and ache for his touch, you didn't want to seem like a clingy wife, or nag him with unimportant things. Whenever he came back from work, he was still all yours; that's why it took you long enough to notice it.

Every evening, he came back with the same hunger he felt, only this time, he didn't seem to have felt that hunger for you per se, more like a desire within that needed to have you to help him relieve it.

He took you every single night, he gave you pleasure, simple, raw, indifferent pleasure. You didn't actually remember the last time you actually made love, because everytime Joel touched you, he always had you on your hands and knees for him, always fucking you on your back. At the time you thought it was just some kink or something like that, but now it was pretty clear to you it was just the easiest way for Joel to close his eyes and pretend you were someone else.

It was just simply fucking, a means to get to an end.

Then, he began getting home later and later, sometimes he would be too late for dinner, or he would just skip it entirely. Never explaining exactly what he was doing or why he was spending less and less time at home.

"Sorry babe, just had a sandwich with the guys"

That's what he would say before shrugging and going straight to the bedroom; not taking his time to actually see you'd cooked his favorite or that you were starving because you'd waited for him until that hour. The weekends weren't different at all, at first, right after you two got married, you'd spend the entire day in bed, just enjoying each other's company, each other's bodies and love; caresses full of affection carried with lust, turned into nothing more than just a memory some months later. Every weekend Joel simply got up, had breakfast and told you he was heading for work; and he would spend the entire day there, no phone calls to let you know he wouldn't be back for lunch nor calls to tell you he would grab a few drinks with the guys.

Always the guys, and as much as you tried to convince yourself it was indeed just one drink, or a burger, or a soccer match with the guys, your heart was sending you signals, trying to warn you there was something seriously wrong. Yet, you chose not to believe it, you told yourself it was actually kind of cruel of you to have such thoughts about your poor hard-working husband. What kind of wife would you be if you became paranoid while Joel was just working hard to provide you a good life?!

Joel was so busy with his work he barely even noticed when you asked for a double shift on Saturdays. Not that you liked working at the mall, but if you were going to stay alone all the time, you figured you would at least earn some money. Maybe Joel was just stressed about having to put up with the bills all by himself, you reminded yourself. Perhaps things would be back at what they were in the beginning, you were now marking six months of marriage and you knew this wasn't supposed to be happening. Your husband wasn't supposed to be that uninterested in you, he wasn't supposed to be indifferent towards your presence or so ungrateful, and yet you decided to fight for his love, after all, you loved him more than anything, more than anyone, it was an overwhelming feeling but you simply couldn't move on from it.

You waited for Joel another night, you'd made dinner, but of course he said he wasn't very hungry because he had grabbed a bite to eat with the guys.

Your heart clenched, he didn't kiss you, nor held you, it was like you were two different people sharing the same house; not lovers, not husband and wife, perhaps not even friends anymore. It felt each time more and more empty next to Joel, but you tried. You sat down and had dinner on your own, as he glued himself to the TV, watching whatever it was on. You knew him enough to know his mind was drifting away, thinking of something or someone, you weren't sure, the only thing you were a hundred percent sure was that he did everything at his willpower so he wouldn't have to spend time with you. It hurt, like a knife piercing through your chest, it was humiliating and you still didn't know why you were insisting. You swallowed after dinner and walked to the couch, he was nearly asleep and you ran your hands through his hair, feeling how soft his curls were; you had missed dearly times like that, it had been only a few months prior and yet, it felt like an eternity. The way your Joel would come to you, crave your touch, and just overall pay attention to you, unlike the haunting reality that you had to face, in which your husband simply began to ignore you, as if you weren't much more than a shadow, or an invisible and yet quite annoying presence. You looked down at his sleepy and peaceful form, he always looked so young and innocent when he slept it always warmed your heart.

The tip of your fingers ran through his scalp once more, he had always loved that particular display of affection. Minutes passed while you stroked his hair, you could feel Joel shifting softly under your touch, satisfied groans coming out like purrs as he began to slowly open his eyes

"Angela.." he murmured under his breath, but it was loud enough for you to catch it.

At that moment you felt as if you'd lost all balance, gripping the couch and staring at him in disbelief

"Who's Angela?" Your voice suddenly loud and serious, making Joel snap away from the sleeping haze he was in and stare into your eyes. He was carefully not to give it away immediately

"What are you talking about?" He got up from the couch, determined to turn his back to you

"You said a name. Angela, who's she?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Y/N, stop being crazy"

Your blood boiled at the accusation.

For months all you did was try to be the perfect housewife, you cooked, cleaned, worked and brought home the little money you made in order to win back your husband's attention, not only that, you didn't want to have to give away to everyone who told you you would be making a mistake by marrying so young. It had been so difficult to actually admit to yourself your marriage was at a risk, and now you just had enough proof. After months of indifference, your husband was now mumbling another woman's name; as if it wasn't bad enough, he was trying to make the tables turn by accusing you of being crazy. That was so typical of men, but not of your Joel, you thought he would never do that, you were so sure he was honest, honorable, a decent human being, he wouldn't hurt you on purpose in order to prove his point. Or so you thought.

"Don't you fucking dare call me crazy, Joel Miller, for the past couple of months you haven't given a shit about me, you're never home, you never spend time with me, you don't hug me, don't kiss me, you don't even fuck me anymore, and now you are mumbling someone else's name? Who's she? Is she your mistress? How long have you been with her?"

Again, you tried being strong, you really did, but your voice cracked, and the tears threatening to escape now ran freely down your cheeks, he'd walked away from you, but you managed to corner him in the kitchen, you were tired of being blinded by your own feelings, at the same time you were tired of being played by Joel, he had no right to act that way.

"Answer me, Joel!!! Who's the fucking whore?!" You yelled at him, the impatience and anxiety creating an explosive combination inside of you. You were so close to solving the mystery that haunted you at the same time you didn't wanna hear any further word. You just wished you could close your eyes and make all that away, you wish you could just wake up and see the last couple of months were nothing but a nightmare and that you still had the same good old loving Joel Miller as the best husband in the world; instead, he simply groaned, rubbing his face and looked down, not having the courage of look at you in the eyes.

"She's not a whore, don't call her that. I-We.. we're in love. I met her at work, she's the receptionist there and we hit it off… she's gorgeous, funny and I fell for her" he swallowed not sure where the strength to be honest with you about his feelings was coming from, but it was enough to make eye contact "I've never cheated on you, Y/N, I haven't slept with her yet, I haven't even kissed her, but I think she's the one, I wanna be with her, I'm not gonna lie to you anymore"

"You don't love me anymore?" That was all you could ask, out of all the cruel and raw information he suddenly threw on you, the only thing you could register was the lack of feelings from the man who swore to love you forever one day.

"Jesus, Y/N, let's not do this now" he groaned, wanting to shift all that anger towards you, somehow blaming you for what happened so he wouldn't be consumed by his own guilt. He wasn't blind, he knew you loved him, he knew you waited at the door for him every single day, with dinner ready a pie in the oven and giving you those sad, heart eyes in hopes of receiving his affection once more. You reminded him of a puppy, as bad as it sounded, all it took you to be happy was a crumble of his love. What angered Joel was that you weren't satisfied with just crumbles, you wanted more and more from him, and he was unavailable; he simply couldn't give it to you, because his heart belonged to someone else. He hadn't planned on that happening, if it were up to him, he would've honored the vows he took on his wedding day, but Angela walked into his life without a warning and swept him off his feet. He couldn't stay with you out of pity, you deserved to be happy and so did you, but you weren't meant to be together.

"Do you love me or not, Joel?! Did you even love me?" Another grunt from his lips, you were so frustrated you didn't know how to rationalize, how to wrap your head around the fact he proposed to you, he had promised you the world and yet now he was treating you as if you had never mattered to him. His cowardice made you sick, he wasn't even man enough to look you in the eyes, you felt so angry a part of you was glad his body blocked your access to the silverware set because if you got your hands into it you knew at that moment you were willing to make a mistake. You gripped his shirt, slapping his chest and scratching him in a sloppy way, demanding answers from him. He could stop you at any moment, Joel was bigger and stronger than you, but he let you have your moment of hurting him out of pity, before calming gripping your arms and pushing you away

"I guess it's obvious I don't love you anymore, I love Angela, it's not my fault, it just happened, but I'm sure I want to be with her, you and I can't keep lying to ourselves, you can't keep lying to yourself, we're over, just as the love I felt from you, it's over…"

•••

You didn't remember much more after that. Some flashes of the following days, where the initial shock was still going strong, the waves of sadness mixed with anger, how Joel gathered some of his clothes and left the house that same night - probably to go to Angela's, how you refused to eat for the couple of days, you didn't talk to anyone, just spent your time alternating between crying yourself to sleep and actually sleeping, were just moments of blur. At some point you remember Tommy - Joel's brother checking up on you just to make sure you were alright. Tommy was the youngest of the Miller brothers, he was said to be the inconsequential one, but he would never do what his older brother had done.

Only after a few days Joel stopped by the house you once had shared, he had heard from his brother the pitiful mess you'd become because of him, and though a part of him didn't have the courage to ever face you again, another part - a more honorable one - insisted on it because he had to give you some kind of explanation. So after work, he didn't drive to Angela's like he'd been doing for the last few days, becoming his sweet routine and bringing so much joy now that he was free to love her just as much as she wanted to love him. Instead of going to his happy place, Joel drove back to the house that used to be his home for a while, a place where he'd been happy but it hadn't been enough for him. It was funny how he expected things to be drastically different, because his life had taken a dramatic turn just as yours had, and yet, things were just the same, or they appeared to be at least. He got off his truck, seeing that not a lot had changed, but this time there wasn't music coming from the house, it didn't smell like fresh cooked dinner, simply the living room with the lights on were the only thing that showed there was still someone in the house.

When he walked in, he expected to see you crying, depressed and begging him to get back, but much to his surprise, all your bags were already nearly packed and though it was visible you'd had some rough time by dark circles under your eyes and how pale your skin was, you welcomed him with a emotionless expression on your face, pointing at the couch, so he would take a seat and you could talk things through. After all the crying and suffering, you felt as if something had clicked and suddenly you went from heartbroken to numb. You knew the swirl of feelings would come and go, but taking advantage of your numbness, you put your head into place as best as you could and packed all your things, you didn't want to stay at that place surrounded by Joel memories, knowing he'd left the place you once called home and you were both so happy and also so unhappy in a short span of time. You wanted to put yourself back together, heal from him, forget he ever existed, go back to studying and focus on yourself only. But for that to happen, you wanted closure, not only wanting, you needed closure.

His low apologies combined with the rambling that came out of Joel's mouth was getting on your nerves, why couldn't he man up and actually tell you what he needed to in order to finally close that chapter in your lives.

"If you're not getting straight to the point, I will, Joel… I packed my bags, I am leaving this house, it's yours, your family managed to help you with it and I wouldn't feel comfortable living here. I'll go to college as soon as the next semester starts and I'll be waiting for the divorce papers, sign it as soon as possible, and pretend this never happened"

"Wait… what?! You want to divorce?!" Joel was quite shocked, not that he didn't want to divorce, because he did, so he could finally be officially with Angela, but he didn't think it would be that easy for you to agree, let alone be the one suggesting it.

You laughed. It was a dry, ironic laughter, because honestly, you didn't think Joel was that much of a dick, it was fascinating how he broke your heart and he still found a way to have his ego bruised by the fact you wouldn't accept being in a submission position, that you wouldn't cry and beg for him.

"What did you expect Joel?! That I would stay here, legally married to you, cooking and washing your dirty underwear while you go out of the door and keep cheating on me with that whore? Seriously? That's how low you think of me?"

"I already told you she isn't a whore and I have never cheated on you, that's why I want to divorce, us getting married was clearly a mistake and it's not my fault if I don't love you anymore.."

"So whose fault is it? Mine?! Do you really think what you did isn't cheating, Joel? Just because you hadn't fucked her while we were still together, but you had spent time with her, emotionally connected with her, fuck, just the fact you let her get closer to you even though you were married, that's cheating! You say it isn't because you don't want to feel guilty, but deep down inside you just know it is! I agree with you on one thing, though: our marriage was a stupid mistake, because of you I delayed a whole year of my life, I almost sacrificed my future because I really took your words and believed them, that we would be together, I never thought out of all the people in the world, you would be the one to hurt me! I trusted you, do you even know how many times I cried and sulked because I blamed myself for your behavior? The amount of times I felt guilty for even remotely considering the possibility of you having someone else? Because in my mind you'd always been the perfect husband and yet, you were backstabbing me day after day, with that slut!"

"Don't you fucking call her a slut! She's not a slut, she's not a whore! It's not her fault if you are a petty envious woman!"

"She is a slut Joel, I'm sure of it, because if she had any decency she wouldn't have come closer to a married man, my husband! She is probably excited about the thrill, but I'm certain that once the reality hits and she sees herself locked inside having to carry out chores everyday, take care of the house, the husband and even the kids if you two ever come to it, it's not gonna be as fun, and then you'll meet her for real. I don't wish you anything bad, but god help you if you ever have to face a disappointment as big as mine"

You dried your tears and began removing your wedding ring, it was quite pricey taking into account how complicated your financial situation was. You intended to return it to him, but the mere thought of maybe Joel taking the ring and handing it to his former mistress and soon-to-be official girlfriend, was enough to make you nauseated. You gave up removing it and left the ring right there.

"I'm leaving this place tomorrow, you can send the divorce papers over to my parents' and I hope I'll never see you again, Joel"

•••

You wished you could say that was the last time you ever saw Joel Miller in your life, but unfortunately, things weren't too easy for you. Only two months before you could finally enter college and forget about the disastrous year you had, you were working double shifts at the mall, in hopes of saving a decent amount of money for yourself. It was supposed to be another lazy evening, in which you would have to kill time until you could go home, you had just had your break and as you walked back into the store, you couldn't help but pay attention to your left hand. The wedding ring still there. It brought you shame and embarrassment, the mere fact you left it there. You often lied to people and to yourself by saying it was a way of keeping disrespectful customers away, but the truth was, you just didn't know why it was so hard to do it. It felt like a weight you couldn't get rid of, a part of your life that seemed like nothing but delusion.

You were scared of removing that ring, it was a sign that Joel wouldn't be much more than a memory to you, and even if you knew that was exactly what you needed, your heart still yearned for him. It wasn't fair, to still love the person who had hurt you the most, burying deep those feelings but also knowing they were there was nerve wracking.

You were ready to get back to work, just about to enter the store you were so used to spending your whole day when you felt paralyzed.

"What do you think of this one, darling? Do you think our baby will like it?"

It was Joel's voice.

His voice.

Darling.

Our baby.

You stopped yourself right there, too far away from their distracted eyes, taking in all the colorful and beautiful options they had before them, but also close enough so you could actually hear the conversation. Joel Miller was going to be a dad, it was a fact, you weren't having a nightmare that you were about to wake up in cold sweat at any minute, instead, he was there, with her, the woman he dumped you for, the woman who was now carrying his child. Under the shelves you'd been hiding, you could only catch a glimpse of her baby bump, and the way Joel's hand rested over it in a protective way. It was enough to make your stomach upset, your eyes burning with the tears that once more insisted on appearing. He had moved on from you, much faster than you had moved on from him; their happiness could be beautiful to anyone, but to you it was disgusting, infuriating, they had no right to come to your place of work and be so glad about life itself.

You couldn't actually see Angela's face, all you were able to watch from where you stood was Joel's hand on her womb, his right one, but the moment he rested his left one on her waist, you gasped softly. The wedding ring was gone.

Joel wasn't feeling that comfortable about being at that particular store, though it was the only decent baby clothing store at the mall, he knew you worked there or at least used to; but Angela wanted new baby stuff and he was going to be a dad, so it was his duty to take her and help her sort things out. He thought of you, not having seen you or listened to your voice in months he sort of missed you? He couldn't lie to himself, he was glad to be divorced, he was happy in a relationship with a baby on the way, but you'd been important to him too, he wished things didn't have to end the way they did, he has gotten used to living with you, seeing you, kissing you, touching you, it was natural that he missed the dynamics you two had established. A part of him sort of wanted to run into you at the store, he wanted to see how you were doing, if you were taking good care of yourself, but it was a relief to everyone you weren't there. It would be just awkward and embarrassing to be baby clothes shopping in front of you. And of course, he never wanted to hurt you more than he had already done it, but you would have probably interpreted it as provocation.

He scratched down his head while Angela picked all her favorites, Joel tried hard not to pay attention to the price tags, money was still a delicate matter for the two of them, but he had managed to get some by selling his wedding ring. Of course the pair would've been worth a lot more, but he couldn't go after you to ask for your ring, so he just negotiated his own and took the money. It wasn't the ideal situation, but in a few months they'd welcome the tiny little person that would become the most important thing in Joel's life.

You were too hurt to continue watching their display of happiness, you turned your back to the place you were hiding and you returned to the small break room. That was indeed the last time you'd seen Joel Miller; that was it until you also met someone who brought chaos but also colors into your life.

•••

"Aren't you too old to sell cookies door to door for school?" Joel asked while chewing his scrambled eggs and slurped his coffee, watching as his daughter rolled her eyes at him

"Aren't you too old not to eat your vegetables?" She snapped back at him in their usual morning routine.

Sarah was a teenager, much to Joel's sadness, as he still had serious attachments to when she was younger. He knew it was part of life, and watching her blossoming into a beautiful young girl made him proud and hopeful about the future, he knew his sweet Sarah would go far. But that also made him scared, because no matter how irrational it was, Sarah always reminded him of you; and he knew that if any guy ever dared to do to his baby girl, what he did to you, he would be really to kill him in no time. Joel Miller would like to think he had improved a lot as a human being, after all, he wasn't a young man anymore, he was a full grown adult, who had to get himself together and mature after he was abandoned by his girlfriend with a newborn baby. Life was full of irony and he was one to witness it, being left by the woman he loved and trusted a little more than a year after he was the one who walked away from someone who loved and trusted him. It was what everyone said: karma is really a bitch.

Through the years, Joel really felt an urge to call you, perhaps ask you to meet him, so you could catch up and he could finally apologize to you, but he had lost all contact with you. In fact he had no idea what you were up to through the decades, the few times your parents ran into him on the street or at the grocery store and made sure to ignore his presence and pretend they'd never met. He just couldn't approach them and ask for your phone number. Besides, what would he even tell you?

"Hey, I just wanted to tell you the woman I left you for also left me, so now I'm a lonely single dad and I realized I took you for granted and maybe if you ain't busy, we could go for a cup of coffee or something?!"

It would be just straight up stupid, not to mention he was sure you would've found someone nice, someone worthy of you, probably you'd be married by then, perhaps you'd have a kid or two, and he was sure you'd be an amazing mother, because he just knew you were an amazing wife, and he was the only one to blame for not treating you the way you deserved it.

So Joel decided it was best if he pretended nothing ever happened just like you did with him, of course destiny had other plans.

He gave Sarah a ride to school and went to work. It would be another busy day, like all of his days, in which he would work hard in order to save as much money as he could, wanting to assure his daughter the future she deserved. For Sarah, it meant another day of classes and selling cookies. She didn't like the activity, but she didn't hate it either. In fact, on that particular day she felt kind of excited as she was about to head towards the 'good' part of the neighborhood, where most houses were big and seemed expensive. Getting her backpack and her stash of goodies to sell, she left home and went on with her day.

You, on the other hand, hadn't planned on coming back to Austin so soon, as the years turned into a decade, and then a little bit more than that, you had dedicated yourself fully to your academic and professional life, focusing on yourself only, managing to bury deep your memories of Joel and never paying attention to anything remotely close to a love life.

Yes, you'd had relationships, affairs, and you'd been with a few guys: one of them was Javier, he was a handsome but very slutty cop who you had a no-string relationship with; it was good for a while, he was handsome, sexy and he fucked like no other, but he had a taste for women that unabled himself to keep it inside of his pants. You liked the freedom, but that was too much.

You also dated a guy named Dave for a brief period, he was nice, also painfully handsome, a tiny bit mysterious about his high profile government job, but he wanted a family, not just another relationship. He wanted marriage and kids, and you were just out of it in no time. The last straw was when you were traveling back home and during one stop for dinner at a small, cozy bar, a guy dressed entirely in cowboy attire came onto you. It was the undeniable proof you weren't made for relationships at all; it was like Joel Miller had casted a spell, or worse, a curse on you: it had become impossible for you to be in a relationship. Still, that wasn't your main concern, not more than why you had to move back to Austin after all those years shifting from New York to Boston, Texas and even a brief period in Spain which led you into an affair with another guy named Javier, but well, that was definitely another story. You'd simply got a phone call from your parents talking about a family emergency and once you had asked for a leave, your boss had mentioned the opportunity of you working for the Austin branch, it was a promising one, with a lot of chances of career growth and becoming the head of the office would actually come in handy, so you had no other option than say yes and pack your stuff. When you got back to Texas, despite the suffocating heat, you were also welcomed with suffocating news of your grandmother's passing, and a couple of weeks later, the news she'd left you a house in the suburbs, a real good area with many families, easy traffic and a lot of space. Having become an apartment person over the years, you first thought it was so odd to live in a house, especially by yourself. Everything seemed so big but now you didn't have to worry about having to clean it all, being able to afford someone to do so, you found your way by decorating everything exactly the way you liked it, using the spare rooms to build your home office, your closet space and a guest room, you slowly turned grandma's house into your own. However, the exterior still bothered you: there was a great space in the backyard, but the swimming pool was empty and dirty, and you could definitely have a barbecue area built so you could welcome your friends and family on weekends. As it wasn't your priority, you didn't bother so much about it, turning your attention to settling into your new office first.

•••

"Oh, hi ma'am, I'm selling cookies to help our school fund, would you be interested?" Sarah displayed a wide grin, hoping that would soften up the very annoyed looking old woman who opened the door. She noticed how the old lady looked at her up and down and just groaned a 'no' before practically slamming the door shut. Sarah sighed and shook her head, and there she was thinking the people who lived in the wealthier part of the neighborhood were more generous, but apparently they were just a bunch of snobbish cunts. Her stomach growled in hunger as she walked some more, she knew she should've eaten before going to sell the cookies, but she didn't have time at that moment. She insisted some more, knocking on another door, having no clue she was actually knocking on her father's ex-wife's door.

Sighing tiredly as you closed your laptop, you looked around and focused on what you would do next. You knew you needed to go grocery shopping soon, but you just didn't feel like driving to the store and pick up vegetables, so instead, you left your study and went to the living room, getting comfortable on the couch and groaning slightly the moment the doorbell rang. You were just so comfortable on the couch, you considered ignoring whoever was on the other side of the door, but for some reason, a slight wave of guilt made its presence and you obliged to answer whoever was disturbing you.

"Hello! My name's Sarah Miller and we're selling cookies for the school fund, would you be interested?" The smiley girl repeated her memorized speech the moment you open the door, she discreetly watched you, seeing you didn't seem so closed like the woman from the previous house, but still she wasn't sure if you were friendly, not when you stared at her with a seemingly shocked look.

Miller.

Her name was Miller.

Your heart raced and lost track of what she was saying, knowing you desperately needed to get your shit back together; Miller wasn't an uncommon name at all, quite the opposite, you had met a few people who also coincidentally had the same last name as your ex-husband, so your reaction to the girl's name was just absurd. Maybe it was because you were back in Austin, where everything happened, but then again, you reminded yourself Joel wasn't the only person named Miller in Texas.

"I-I'm sorry… I got distracted but yeah, I'll take two boxes" you smiled at the girl, she was a teenager, a very pretty one, she was pretty good at expressing herself though she looked exhausted and sweaty.

"Would you like to drink some water?" You offered her, feeling sorry for her at the realization she had probably been walking under the sunlight for quite some time. Sarah didn't think twice before nodding eagerly as she stepped inside, dragging her school bag and her cookie cart along. You let her in, finding sweet how she looked all over the place, taking in the different details from your home and enjoying that environment.

You guided her to the kitchen, getting her a tall glass of iced water, frowning at the fact she wasn't following you anymore. Instead, she stood in front of your bookshelf, looking at it up and down, trying to take in as many titles as she could. Sarah would love to have her own bookshelf like that, she loved reading ever since she was a little girl and though she used the school's library a lot, she thought the idea of having her own things was appealing, but she understood her dad couldn't simply splurge on books for her whenever she wanted to.

"Do you like books?" You asked her, walking closer and handing her the glass of water, which she killed with only a few gulps.

"Have you read all of them?!" Her surprised voice made you chuckle, she was such a sweet girl, you had no idea why you instantly liked her, but you did.

"Well, not all of them… I've just bought some of them and I haven't had the time yet, why? Did any of them interest you?"

"Well…" she said shyly and hesitantly ran her fingers through them, only pulling one out to read the description at your encouraging nod. "This one seems nice…"

"It is nice… do you want it? You can take it!" You smiled at how she blinked a little confused but nodded, so thankful for your kindness. Even if she didn't know you, Sarah already liked you. She smiled at the book and placed the glass down.

"Have you had lunch?" She shook her head shyly and you smiled "come on, I'll make you a sandwich…"

For the next hour, you and Sarah talked about several things: she told you about her school, her interests and how much she loved reading. She had assured you she would return you the book as soon as she finished it and you assured her she could borrow as many as she would like. She also briefly talked about her family, mentioning she lived with her dad on the other side of the neighborhood and you told her a little bit more about yourself.

She widened her eyes the moment she saw what time it really was, and quickly grabbed her backpack and the book you'd lent her, thank you several times as she walked towards the door "go before your mom gets worried about you" you told her without much thinking, but she shrugged "mom's not around… I live with my dad only, but it was really nice meeting you, Y/N"

•••

And for the next month, at least once a week you'd get a visit from Sarah. It had become a habit of hers to just stop by, spend a couple of hours with you, return you the book she'd borrowed the week before and get a new one. She didn't talk much about her family, it was mostly about school, friends and boy crushes and books. You were kind of suspicious she was missing a feminine figure, since she briefly told you her mom left a couple of months after she was born without looking back, you picked up the hint she wasn't open to talk about it yet, and you respected it. You were glad you unexpectedly got a new friend, a very young friend, and at first you thought it was kind of odd, until you realized she sort of resembled a daughter figure to you. After all, if you had had children with Joel, your child would be around Sarah's age.

Joel also thought it was kind of weird his daughter made an adult friend, he was well aware of how dangerous things were in the world, especially for young, innocent girls like Sarah, but when she told him her new friend was a woman, single, childless woman, who was nice, definitely had some money but also seemed quite lonely, he assumed she was one of those old cat lady kind of women; in his mind, his daughter's mysterious friend was probably a widow, who didn't have any kids and now had to approach random people for attention so she wouldn't be alone all the time. If only he knew how wrong he was, he would've asked your name, but he didn't. And he also knew he should've done it, perhaps even asked for your phone number so he could call you in case of god forbid, an emergency. But he worked so hard, not only that, he was going through a very stressful period too, so he didn't pay as much attention as he should have towards several things.

Sarah had become acquainted with several aspects of your life, from the time you spent together in your weird version of a book club. Mostly the conversations were about her and the struggles she often faced as a teenager, but sometimes you let out information, plans or complaints here and there. It wasn't different the day you were very displeased with how your backyard was looking; it had potential to be a beautiful place but it needed fixing and remodeling. Perhaps it'd been the stress at work, but for whatever reason the way that place looked was bothering you and making you cranky, if any other given day you wouldn't give a crap about it, but at that moment you did, and not only that, you mentioned it to Sarah, who tried to be useful and told you she could ask her dad to take a look at it, after all, he was in the business and could help you with it. You said yes and told her you'd be expecting the two of them on Saturday morning. Only when the girl had left happily carrying another book in hands, was that you realized that maybe, and just maybe, you should've asked her father's name.

•••

"So, you're really sure this friend of yours wants to get some stuff remodeled? And that she can afford it?" Joel glanced at Sarah before focusing again on the street as he drove to her new friend's house. He wasn't truly convinced you would actually want to hire his services, it just seemed too good to be true. He held back a smile at the way Sarah rolled her eyes at him, she'd told him hundreds of times that yes, you needed someone to repair and remodel the backyard, if anything, he could at least indicate you someone who could provide the service you were looking for.

"Fine, let's help the old lady then" he grunted at the same time his daughter turned to him "what old lady?!"

"Your friend… isn't she old? I mean, she's lonely and she lets you hang out… I thought she'd be like our neighbor an-"

"Dad, she's younger than you, I think! And she's pretty too…"

At that information Joel was more curious about you. Why was a pretty young woman all alone and willing to be friends with a girl who could roughly be her kid's age?! Were you really pretty? And did you really want your backyard remodeled or was Sarah playing matchmaker? He really hoped she wasn't, otherwise he would be very angry. Joel didn't need a new relationship, he didn't want to, having failed the two major ones he had in his life, the first one being so immature and cruel to his sweet young wife and the second one he didn't exactly where he screwed up, perhaps he had just been naive and thought the woman who wanted nothing more than just some fun was actually willing to build a life with, or maybe he wanted her to take over your place, after all, you'd set the bar pretty high for Angela when it came on being a dedicated housewife. The raw fact was that Joel was alone all those years later, his first wife was hopefully living her best years with someone who truly deserved her and Angela was God knows where but he didn't give a single fuck. She'd been dead to him from the moment she walked out of his door, denying her own baby, and all that passion he felt turned into hurt and anger. Unlike the feelings he had for you: as the years passed and he grew older, he thought of several times he could've treated you better than he did, he thought of how he would have tried not hurting you as much as he did, even if the situation the two of you were was tricky, he often fantasized about a version of your marriage where he hadn't ruined everything, where he had been honest without being cruel, without playing with your feelings, he didn't know if it was just his conscious weighing heavily on him or what, but he always thought of you with affection and love. At that time he was sure he didn't love you anymore, the passion he felt for the other woman was too intense, too much, it blinded and deafened him from everything around, everything that mattered the most to him at the time. But all those years later, Joel was sure the love for you was still there, perhaps it was just hidden away, or it got stuck under all that shit that went on, still, he didn't know who you had become, what you looked like or where you were at that moment, so it was a fairly assumption he was still in love with a memory and nothing more than that.

"Fine, so what's her name after all?" He questioned his daughter after some moment of silence but before she could answer, Joel parked his truck in front of your home.

You heard the engine and you went to the window, checking the unknown car parked in front of your place and though you couldn't actually see them inside, you knew it was Sarah and her dad. Just as you went to the door, he exited the car, his back to the entrance as you walked to them and greeted Sarah, at the sound of your voice he immediately turned around and the two of you froze in time as you watched each other there.

Joel.

You felt as if you were trapped in a weird dream, the ones you know you are just dreaming and yet you can't move or speak, just taking the role of the audience of a bizarre picture that formed before your eyes. Joel on the other hand, stared at you in complete silence, you couldn't really read him, it was impossible to know what was going on in his mind, in his heart, you could just feel his eyes roaming over your body, taking all the image of you as if he was trying to make sure you were actually what he saw in front of him. He couldn't believe it, after all those years, after everything he did to you, you were there, beautiful as you'd always been, even more so, the fancy lifestyle really suited you, he could tell by your clothes, your nails perfectly done, your hair looking gorgeous and styled nicely, you had succeeded, you had had a life he knew he could never provide you, and for that he felt kind of relieved, at least one good thing came out of your divorce: the chance of you having the success you deserved it, you weren't that housewife who needed to still work part time at the mall, you were above that now, and Joel was so damn proud of you for it.

"I-I.. yo-"

"Nice to meet you, you must be Sarah's dad" you interrupted him before he could say your name and extended your hand to him, pretending you'd just met. He was confused but you tilted your head very discreetly towards his daughter, being sure she didn't know anything that had happened between the both of you. He immediately picked up the hint and introduced himself, as if you were meeting for the first time. His hand engulfed yours like it always did, Joel Miller had always had big and strong hands, surely they got calloused through the years, but you knew damn well what they were capable of doing to you. He was older, looking more handsome than you thought he would, he aged like a fine wine, streaks of silver here and there but the majority of his hair still dark and soft like always, he was bigger too, he was stronger, broad and grew several muscles, all of it a result of years of hard-working. No matter if he had broken your heart, there was no denying he was an extremely attractive man.

He appreciated how heartfelt you were towards his daughter and gladly followed you inside once you invited him into the backyard to discuss what could be done. Sarah was right behind the two of you, but you turned to her, smiling big

"I went to the bookstore yesterday and I think you might enjoy what I bought, wanna take a look at it? They're all in the living room" you suggested to her who nodded and happily went after the books.

Once you and Joel got into the backyard, he stuttered some apologies but you immediately cut him off.

"I don't want apologies Joel, I didn't know Sarah was your daughter and I probably wouldn't have let her in if I knew who she was, but now I got attached to her and I hope our situation isn't going to prevent us from being friends" you told him honestly and watched as he nodded

"You know, her mom, Angela, she left us and I'm very sorry I left you for her.. "

"I don't wanna hear it, Joel. As I said, I don't wanna hear it about her mom or the apologies or anything at all, I mean, Sarah told me what happened and it's enough, you and I aren't together anymore, we're better off without each other, so let's just overcome this part and focus on the job I need you to do…"

"You know, I can indicate you another contractor to do it for you, so it won't be weird…"

"No, you can do it, unless you are feeling uncomfortable but other than that, I'd rather you do it, besides, Sarah would find it awkward"

And like that, Joel got into his professional mood and the two of you discussed the project you had in mind, hiring his services, he told you he could start the next Monday and he would take care of it himself, to make sure things would go according to your wishes. He noticed you didn't wear any commitment rings, nor there were pictures of you and any guy indicating a relationship and in his heart, the hope of perhaps taking you out for a coffee and getting to know you, the woman you'd become after those years, after growing mature and changing your life completely, growing in his heart. It was a fair assumption Joel had an immediate crush on you, the feelings he held within, were now blossoming more, at how beautiful, intelligent and attractive you were and suddenly, the roles were reversed: if more than ten years ago you had it bad for him, now he was the one who felt like a sick love puppy towards you.

The first week of working wasn't so bad at all, Joel would arrive at yours earlier than you expected and would start working. You didn't stay around much, letting him do his job while you were probably working in the living room or any other part of the house whenever you didn't have to go to work per se. He tried making small talk during some of his breaks and since you didn't see any harm in it, you chatted briefly, that was how he'd learned what you did for a living, where you'd been after you left Austin, and stuff like that. He told you some things about his life, mostly about how it'd been the experience of raising a child on his own, but whenever he got near bringing up your past or trying to apologize, you'd cut up any kind of interaction with him. At the end of the day you and him had nothing but a professional relationship. He understood your reasons, and yet, he hoped you would find at least a small breach in your heart to let him in, he really hoped he could show you he was a better man now, that he could be suitable for you, and yet, you kept yourself all the way distant and protecting yourself from him.

So it became a very common scene to always escape from Joel, moving seats or rooms whenever he was around, you didn't know how else to act, what he expected from you. It wasn't like you were old buddies catching up after years in a long-distance relationship. And he always got displeased.

It was about the third week of working at your house, he asked if he could use your kitchen to have lunch, heating up the food he'd eat, you smiled at yourself as you were taken back by the memories of times where you would prepare him lunches and send it in his lunchbox, how you would worry about him being hungry so you would always make sure there was something fresh out of the oven for him to nibble on as soon as he got home from work and chuckled softly, shaking your head and excusing yourself. He'd thought you would at least have lunch next to him, but you weren't willing to do that at all, and that both pained and pissed him off.

"Would it kill you to spend time with me? Look at me? Or act like a human being instead of being all stiff like a robot whenever I'm around?" He asked, breaking the silence, you could see he was frustrated and that puzzled you to no end.

"What are you talking about, Joel?!"

"You don't talk to me, Y/N, I try making small talk, you don't answer me, you don't even look at me, suddenly I'm not worth your time? You're too good to even acknowledge I am next to you?"

"Do you really want to talk about not being worth someone's time? Really Joel? I thought you had grown up during all these years but I can see you are just the same shallow fuckboy who gets pissed off when you see I'm not crawling towards you…"

"Stop being unfair to me! All I'm trying to do is to show you I've changed, I am a better man, a better person, I'm not that same immature Joel you met so many years ago, I'm trying to make you see I'm a new man…" he went from angry to desperate, you took a step closer and looked into his eyes, not breaking the eye contact for one second.

"I know Joel, I know you've changed… you've grown into this hardworking man, this amazing father, I can see it, I hear it every time Sarah comes over, but you don't have to try too hard, it's not gonna change anything… You and I are two different people, we have nothing to do with each other anymore"

"You can't say that, I want you to see we could try it again, I still love you, Y/N!"

"Joel, we'll never try it again, the marks of your betrayal still linger here, all over me, forgetting you was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I don't want to ever feel it again. You don't love me, Joel. You love the idea of me, of picking up the shattered parts of your broken life and making it right, you love the thought of building up a family, of giving your daughter the mom she deserves, and it's all because it didn't work out with that woman. We both know it… if she hadn't left you wouldn't even be thinking of me" you looked down, trying to hold back a tear that insisted on falling, but failing at that matter. "I wasn't good enough to be by your side, to build a family with you, you can't just expect me to throw myself into your arms as if nothing had happened, what exactly do you think would happen between us in the first place? I'd be waiting for you every single night with dinner ready? Those days were over, Joel…" you sniffed and he sighed, placing his hand on his waist.

"Give me a chance, go on a date with me, please… before you say no, just think about it, of what we could have together… please! You don't have to answer me now, think about it and when I finish the job, you can tell me your answer"

•••

The following weeks were as normal as they could be; you hadn't told Joel yes but you hadn't told him no either and even if it pained you to admit it, you sometimes thought of his proposition. Sarah was still coming over, your bond was now stronger, you really liked each other and despite everything that happened, you were thankful Joel wasn't against your friendship. You two had agreed on not telling her anything about your shared past at the moment, but in case you two decided she needed to know it for whatever reason, Joel would be the one to tell her, it would only make sense. You also thought about his words and you decided to be nicer to him, actually stopping to talk to him, or having lunch next to him instead of rushing away as fast as you could and in retribution, he stopped with the feelings talk. The deadline was coming to an end, as your backyard remodeling was getting prettier and prettier each passing day. It was odd and awkward and you wanted to get things over with as soon as possible at the same time a strange fascination with watching Joel caught you. It was hard to explain, but when the final day came, when Joel and his assistant showed you the word ready and done, and after you paid them the large wage you owed them for the services, your ex-husband asked to talk to you. He had hope in his eyes, he was wearing his flannel, and he'd combed his hair a little, which made him look painfully handsome, your heart clenched. Even before he could say anything, you already had your answer. He stood in front of you, baffled at the fact you threw your arms around his body, pulling him for a hug. His hands locked around your waist, strong grip not wanting to let go, while you sank into his warmth. He was your old Joel, the one you'd loved so deeply and broke your heart, but nonetheless your Joel.

Taking your hand to his face, you stroked it gently, feeling his beard scratching your palm a little and you smiled "I forgive you, Joel… I don't know if you wanted my forgiveness or not, but I forgive you anyway, I don't resent you anymore, what's gone, it's gone and now we can only focus on our future. I know that if I tried looking for a space in my heart, I would find it a part that still keeps all the love I felt for you, but we've changed, for the best and that teaches us we should never make the same mistakes from the past, so you do understand why we can't go on this date, right? We can't be together, I'm sorry Joel, but you know it's true… I just need one last thing from you…"

You told him, leaning towards him and pecking his lips. After all that time, it still felt like your favorite place in the world, your heart raced the moment he groaned into your mouth and his hands tightened his dominating grip on you. It was quite pathetic how he still had the same effect over you and if he hadn't hurt you as much as he did and condemned you two to a relationship based on lack of trust, perhaps you could even consider trying again. Forgiving and forgetting were different things, whereas you didn't resent him anymore, you hadn't forgotten about how broken he left your heart. You would never be able to trust him again, always worrying he had found someone better like he did once, you couldn't do that to yourself, you loved yourself too much to go back to Joel Miller. That last kiss you cherished, you would keep it in your memories, but it wouldn't go further than that. You and Joel were done for years and nothing would convince you otherwise.

____

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it 😭💔

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal imagine #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller imagine #joel miller tlou #tlou show #tlou fanfiction

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starcrossedxwriter · 3 months

Text

Wicked Fantasies Part 8 (MBJ x OC)

A/N: This gif has nothing to do with anything other than I thought it was hot as fuck... and baby boy gets a little... rough and ruthless this chapter (in a good way LOL) Enjoy!

***

Michael’s hand lazily grazed the length of Raven’s spine as they laid in bed, limbs tangled and sheets disheveled from their wild night together. It was their first night back since their trip and jet lag spurred Michael to finally introduced ropes into their play and fuck, Raven had been in heaven. Of course, now her body was sore and aching from hanging from his set up and the only plans she had the next day were to sleep. But it was worth every ache and pain she felt and she would gladly sign up for it over and over and over again.

“You ever think about marriage… kids?” Michael asked, knowing the question was random but it had been on his mind since before it was appropriate to envision that life with her. And with whatever Tasha had planned barreling down on him, something in him yearned to know that she saw a future with him, that she wanted a future with him.

“Yea. I mean I didn’t think it would happen for me. I think about marriage a lot. Kids are… tough,” she muttered, her nails grazing against his skin, so lightly it made him feel almost ticklish.

“You’re afraid of not being there for them?”

Raven shifted uncomfortably on his chest. She rested her head against his heart, the soft thumps of his heartbeat soothing to the anxiety coursing through her. She had thought about all of these things with Michael but it was still impossible to believe she truly deserved them, that he truly wanted them with her. And she hated how easily he saw through her, saw her deepest fears and insecurities as if she had just spelled them out for him.

“Yea, I guess… I wouldn't wish my life on any kid and there’s a lot of all this we have no control over. How much time… when yours is up. It’s always been hard to think about the future though… plan for it. I’ve just always felt like I was being chased and assumed that one day it would catch up to me? This is the first time in my life I don’t feel that… since I met you. So now I suppose I should think about the future.” She paused. “I think I’d like it… not sure how good I’d be at it. Being a mother. Your mom is the closest example I have of a good one. But the chance to build my own family? One with all the things I never had, all the things a child deserves? Yea, it would be nice.”

“What do you think about building that family… with me?”

Raven perked up, shocked to hear those words come out of his mouth. She did not know why but she had not considered the conversation taking this turn for some reason. The idea of him wanting to marry her was about as foolish as wishing diamonds to cascade from the sky like rain. It just was not realistic.

“In my wildest fantasies. But…” her voice trailed off.

“What?”

“I love you… adore you. But I guess there’s still a piece of me that doesn’t believe this is real. That believes you’ll wake up one day and remember that I was the girl you paid to have sex with you. You know… can’t turn a whore into a housewife. And you wouldn’t be wrong, I’m not exactly wifey material. And hell, I’m probably the last person you should want raising your kids. Not a role model, nothing to aspire to. My life is a mess.”

Michael knew a few months would not undo years of self deprecation but it felt like a physical wound to hear her count herself out like this. How could she not see how perfect she was? How amazing she was?

“You shouldn’t talk about yourself like that, baby. And should give yourself more credit. You are one of the kindest people I’ve ever met, you’re a survivor, hardworking, gentle, nurturing. That’s everything I want in a wife… and a mother for my children. You’re so much more than whatever your dad or idiot sister convinced you were. You’re everythin’.”

“You don’t mean that,” she whispered, turning away her head to face the opposite wall. She could not let herself believe that. They had not been together long and Raven was still waiting for the honeymoon phase to end and the other shoe to drop. She knew he would walk up one day and realize he could not build anything real with her. He would hurt her and disappoint her just like every other person in her life. She desperately desired to be wrong but she also refused to let herself have too much hope. Because of all the things and people she survived in her life, Michael was the one thing she knew had the power to actually destroy her.

He pulled her deeper into his chest and kissed her forehead tenderly. “Aint ever told you shit I didn’t mean, baby girl. And I get why you don’t believe it or trust it. But I’ll do whatever it takes to prove it to you. I’m here for the long haul, we’re gonna build that life together, I promise.”

Her response felt lodged in her throat, too painful to release into the space. She tried to get them out but saying them out loud would make them too real. So she just pressed her lips into his chest before turning over and closing her eyes. She knew she did not need to say anything for Michael to know how she felt. He always knew.

As he watched her attempt to sleep, Michael thought about his meeting the next day with Alex. He had spent his entire trip and tonight so wrapped up in his girl that he almost forgot Tasha was threatening to destroy their bubble. He had to figure out what to do because he saw that future with Raven as clear as day and no one and nothing would stand in his way.

***

“I can’t believe you,” Alex muttered to herself as she paced around her office. “You know… one day, I would just love it if you summoned me or came down here with good news. You saved a fuckin’ family of puppies from a would-be murderer, helped an old lady cross the road, saved someone from a burning building… solved fuckin’ world hunger and told someone. But nooooooooo. It’s never that. It’s always some problem because you literally can’t keep your fuckin’ dick to yourself. Have you ever heard of masturbation?? O-Or a fuckin’ fleshlight??”

Michael groaned as she ranted about his recklessness and foolishness.

“So you gon’ keep yellin’ at me or tell me how to fix this?”

Alex scoffed. “Fixing the fact that you got involved with, not one, but TWO prostitutes, proceeded to fall in love with one of them like this is some nigga’s version of Pretty Woman, causing the other prostitute to get so jealous, she is extorting you for money is so far above my pay grade, it isn’t even funny.”

“The amount I pay you?? Ain’t shit above your pay grade,” Michael muttered under his breath. “Look, I don’t know why you’re mad at me! I’m the victim here. Blackmail is a crime!”

Alex could not keep the shrill laughter that bubbled to her lips from spilling over. “Oh fuck off. ‘I’m the victim,’” she mimicked with a vicious glare. “You're not the victim. You’re the fuckin’ unserious superstar idiot I’ve saddled my entire career to. But you sure as fuck aren’t the victim. The only victim here will be Raven. And me when I die prematurely from dealing with your bullshit. But mainly Raven when this girl tells the entire world she made her living getting paid for sex. They’ll rip her to shreds. You wouldn’t understand it because you’re a man and your privilege insulates you. You’ll be a punchline on late night tv for a few weeks and move on but she won’t come back from this. The world won’t let her come back from it.”

“Didn’t come for a feminism 101 lecture, Alex. I know this fucks her over more than me. How do we fix it??”

Alex threw her hands up in the air. “Fuck if I know? This is why I don’t like PR relationships, Michael. It always falls apart eventually, secrets don’t last in our world. To be honest, if it’s gonna come out anyway, I'd just admit the truth about how you met before Tasha could. You could own the narrative that way at least. But Raven isn’t going to agree to that, no woman in her shoes would.”

“So aside from giving her more money, how can I stop this?”

“Wait more money? You already gave her some?”

Michael shrugged. “Yea like $10k. Why?”

Alex shook her head. “Well she’s not gonna stop at $10k. Honestly, that’s light work for how much I would’ve demanded. Now we’re dealin’ with a fucking stupid extortionist too.” She threw her hands up in the air in exasperation. “Eventually, it won’t be money she wants, Mike. She wants you and if you don’t want her, then I don’t know how to fix this.” she paused. “What did Raven say about all this?”

Michael grimaced. “I… haven’t told her.”

Alex’s eyes grew wide. “Annndd that’s why you schlepped your stupid ass all the way down here instead of having me come to you. You can’t keep this from her. It’s her name and reputation that’ll get dragged to hell and back if Tamara or whatever this fuckin girl’s name is, decides to skip her happy criminal ass to Page 6. You have to tell her, Michael, and let her know that you’re still in contact with this woman. I can sell water to fish in the goddamn ocean, I can spin anything out there. But I won’t be able to mend your relationship if she gets upset that you lied. Tell her and get ahead of this.”

“I need a plan first. Raven is the strongest person I know, don’t get me wrong. But she’s been through too much shit for me to dump a problem I created on her doorstep. No one… no one in her life protects her. Protects her feelings and body and…” he ran his hand over his face. “I tried countless times since we got back but she’s finally happy, Alex. Finally has some peace. Is it that wrong for me to just pay Tasha and keep it movin’? Raven never even needs to know.”

“It’s not wrong… the instinct isn’t wrong but it’s not right either when that peace is fiction. It’s not real, Michael. She deserves to know something that affects her life as much, frankly more than yours. Your reputation will recover, it always does. I’m not sure hers will. And maybe she would… make a different choice about your relationship if she knew that.”

“You want her to leave me?”

Alex raised her hands in surrender at his sharp tone. “No. I don’t want her to leave you. I actually really like her, certainly more than the other idiot instagram girls you paraded around here as your girlfriends. She did what I thought nothing could… she turned you into a serious person. But… maybe you two do need a break until this Tasha person is willing to let you go. She might decide that protecting her name, her peace… her ability to move through life without a modern scarlet A on her chest is more important than whatever feelings, however strong, she has for you. And you… your directorial debut is out in March. We’re about to start a press run in a month. Award season starts next Sunday, for which you are a highly anticipated nominee. Any scandal detracts from the biggest moment of your career. Look, I’m not telling you to do anything. But I am saying, it’s the only path I see that doesn’t destroy you both. And if you love her as much as you say you do, you’d take the short term hit to save her. Or at least present it as an option.”

Michael heard everything she said and in his heart, he knew she was right. But what she was asking? His heart and soul would not allow him to do it.

“I can’t lose her, Alex. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I won’t lose her. I know Tash… she’s all bark, no bite. I give her some attention and throw some cash her way and this’ll all blow over.”

Alex sized him up for a few moments before shrugging. “Well I hope for Raven’s sake, and mine, you know what you’re doing.”

“I know what I’m doin’, Alex. I promise.” Michael knocked his knuckles against her desk before standing up to leave.

“Are you really that good at sex?” she mused, glancing at him up and down as if she was trying to imagine it for herself. “I just can’t imagine anyone, especially a man, is good enough in bed to warrant all this.”

“I know it ain’t your cup of tea,” he offered with a wink. “But what can I say? I’m blessed with hella talents.”

Alex rolled her eyes. “Alright, well get your hella talented ass outta my office.” However, before he left, she called out. “Oh! The Golden Globes… need to know if you’re taking Raven so they can finalize the sitting chart.”

Michael rolled his eyes. His least favorite part about his job: award season. An unbearable time of year made worse by the fact that he was nominated at every single one save the Tonys this year. He did not have the energy or desire to sit for hours on end, starving and be forced to smile and wave and pretend to be happy if he lost. But he knew the unbearable practice would be made a bit more bearable if Raven was by his side while he did it.

“Shit. All this shit goin’ on since New Years, forgot to ask her. Tell them she’s goin’. I just gotta get them to pull her a dress and shit. Thanks for the reminder.”

And with that, he started to walk out. As he reached his car, he pulled out his phone and texted Tasha to meet him at the St. Regis tomorrow night at 10. He was going to end this as soon as possible.

***

Michael paced the length of his hotel room, wearing a hole in the carpet as he went.

“This is a bad idea,” he mumbled to himself a couple of times. But this was the least of about 100 bad ideas in his mind and it was the only bad idea that protected his girlfriend’s peace. He knew Alex was right and it was wrong but he was determined to keep Raven as far from this situation as possible.

However, even he had to admit to himself that his reasoning was not just to protect her peace. He also did not want to admit that he had still had conversations with Tasha before they were official, that he had made promises to her and then broke them. Raven was one of the few people on this planet who saw him as a good person and he refused to ruin that image. Protecting Raven and, selfishly, how she looked at him was all that mattered to him. What people said about him in the media and on Twitter did not.

A soft knock on his door jolted him out of his thoughts and his limbs to move. He felt uncomfortable even meeting Tasha here but she had demanded their first meeting be in person. So here he was.

When he opened the door, Tasha leaned against the door frame with a triumphant smirk painted on her face. A year ago, he would have pulled her inside and tore her clothes off with lightning speed. But today? He had never been less attracted to someone in his life, less enthused to see someone.

“Hey baby.”

Her arms snaked around his broad shoulders as she leaned in for a kiss. A kiss that Michael artfully and skillfully dodged. He twisted out of her embrace and pulled her into his hotel room, sparing a quick glance down the long hotel hallway to ensure no prying eyes lurked before slamming the door shut.

“You don’t seem happy to see me, baby.”

Michael could hear the teasing in her voice, could tell she enjoyed whatever power trip she currently had over him.

“Why would I be happy to see someone blackmailin’ and threatenin’ me?” he mumbled just loud enough for her to hear him.

“Forcing you to follow through with the promises you made to me is hardly blackmail.” She sat down on the edge of the expansive bed and leaned back slightly on her hands.

Michael had hoped to keep this “meeting” as brief as possible. He did not want to be in a room with her for any longer than he needed to. He walked over to the bed and grabbed two envelopes he had sat on the bedside table. He tossed the thicker one, filled with cash, at her before walking across the room and leaning on the desk to watch her.

“Another $10k at your request. Now, tell me a number.”

“A number for what?” she asked innocently.

“A number big enough to get you to sign this,” he tossed another envelope at her. “Standard NDA and an agreement not to contact me or Raven again.”

Tasha let out a low humorless chuckle. “All this… for that basic nobody. You never did a fraction of this shit for me…” she mused as she unfolded the papers and read them silently.

Michael scoffed. “I did everything we agreed to. Flew you out, bought you more shit than I could count. The only thing Raven got that you didn’t was my heart and I’m not apologizin’ for that. What we had was business, Tash. And our business needs to end now. So what’s the number?”

Tasha stared at him for a few minutes before discarding them on the bed. “Fine. I’ll deal. $50k and one more night. The two of us. And I’ll sign them. That’s the price.”

“Not happenin’, name a number.”

Tasha merely shrugged. “Nope. You want me out of your life? That’s the price. Both things.”

“Why? Let’s cut the bullshit, Tash. You don’t love me, you don’t want me. You want my money. So name a higher number.”

“You’re absolutely right. I don’t love you… I’m not Raven, an idiot who falls for the first client I get. I love your money and the comfort it provides. But one thing I don’t like is disrespect. You dropped me out in the cold with no warning like two years of fucking you meant nothing. Like I meant nothing. So yea, maybe months ago, it would’ve just been about the money. But now, it’s about so much more than that.”

“So what? You blackmail me into fuckin’ you one more time and it proves what?”

Tasha laughed. “Doesn’t prove anything except that you ain’t shit, which I already knew. I don’t need proof of anything. See you and Raven were built on a lie and honestly, watching the two of you fall the fuck apart will bring me far more joy than a couple extra bucks. Fuck me and the guilt will eat that good boy you bury deep inside alive. Eventually, you’ll crack and Raven’ll find out. Or I dunno, maybe I’ll tell her. Either way, I could smell the insecurities on that girl from a mile away. She’ll never forgive you and your relationship falls apart. Don’t fuck me and I tell the world you did anyway and that she was a prostitute. And then your relationship definitely falls apart when her life gets ruined. Either way, I get cash, you end up alone and Raven learns what so many girls before also learned the hard way: don’t fuck with what’s mine. I was thinking of calling TMZ the week of the Oscars? That’ll sure spice up the biggest week of your career. Or maybe right before the Creed III premiere… any preference?” At his silence, she merely shrugged. “Well, just let me know. Feel free to keep booking this room for us until you decide. I always liked this view.”

As Michael watched her, he quickly realized how he wholly underestimated her in every possible way. This was not a woman who was willing to let him go. Ever. And both of his “choices” were specifically designed to hurt Raven. There was no scenario where she came out of it unscathed. And it was really all his fault. Had he simply cut Tasha off at the onset or been smarter about how he handled her, they would not be in this mess.

Michael stood and walked toward the door.

“I’ll call you to book our time next week. Maybe you’ll change your mind. Or maybe I’ll change my mind and call TMZ before then,” she called after him as Michael slammed the door behind them.

As he stood in the barren hotel hallway, he resisted the urge to punch a hole in the wall before his security whisked him away to the service elevator to take him outside to his car. He was thankful Alex had been willing to book the hotel under her name and credit card. He would not have considered it originally but after that conversation, he would not have put it past Tasha to add the hotel receipt to her arsenal of blackmail.

He slammed the door of his jeep with such force even Allen jumped slightly at the sound.

“My bad,” he mumbled as he slouched back into his seat. He could not remember the last time something had frustrated him to this degree. He was fucked. They were fucked. Tasha had him by the balls and he knew there was no move that would get him out of this mess without throwing Raven under the bus.

He refused to cheat on Raven. Not just because he knew it would just give Tasha another thing to hold over him but because that was simply not him. He played the role of the bad boy, terrible guy but the one line he had never crossed with a girlfriend in his life was to cheat on her. He knew that pain intimately and he vowed to never inflict it on someone else. He had never even been tempted to cheat. And Raven would certainly not be the woman he broke that vow on.

And because he knew he would never sleep with Tasha or any woman who was not Raven again, there was no end to this in sight. He would just have to sit and wait for her to lob a grenade and blow up his girlfriend’s life. And that made him feel like more of a failure than any flopped movie or failed deal ever had. He was supposed to be the one person in her life that protected her and he had failed her, just like everyone else.

“Bad night, Mr. Jordan?” Allen called from the front seat.

“Somethin’ like that.” He sighed. “Fucked up and not sure it’s fixable.”

Allen glanced back in the rearview mirror and nodded. “Is it not fixable or do you just not like the consequences of fixing it?”

Michael bowed his head. He adored Allen but lately, he hated him and his meddling, correct but unsolicited advice. However, he would never say that to him.

“Mixture of both. Really just no way to fix it that doesn’t hurt someone I love.”

“Raven?”

“That transparent, huh?”

Allen smiled to himself. “You always were, sir. If all the answers hurt her, then you have to decide which path causes the least harm to her. And then you just hope she forgives you when it’s over. That’s all you can do. Or you find another path that doesn’t.”

Michael’s head thudded against his seat’s headrest. He knew Allen was right, just as Alex had been. There was no fixing this situation, no silver bullet that would solve all of their problems and save Raven’s reputation in the process. All roads led to the same destination: the world finding out he and Raven lied. But there was one path that bypassed Tasha, put more of the media focus on him and his terrible decisions, and allowed him to control the when, where, and how of it all. And it did not hurt that this particular path would also allow him to hold Tasha accountable for all her shit in the process.

“Thanks, Allen.”

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and found Alex’s number. It was late but she was, thankfully, just as much of a night owl as he was.

“Finish your date with your favorite extortionist?” Alex joked as she picked up the phone. He could hear her munching on something as she spoke, likely popcorn.

“You always got jokes. Listen… I think you were right earlier. Let’s control the narrative.”

He could hear her shifting around as if she were sitting up at his words. “Ok, I’m intrigued. Raven? You gonna ask her what she thinks?”

He shook his head. “Nah. If we do it right, she never needs to know.”

***

It was after midnight by the time Michael arrived back home. However, he and Alex had worked out a foolproof plan during the drive. A plan they felt would allow Michael to take the biggest hit while Raven’s name would be a mere footnote by any reporter who doesn’t want to be accused of misogyny. It did all hinge on Tasha dragging out her games for longer than a week. But Michael had a feeling she would. She clearly enjoyed watching him squirm. They’d get past the Golden Globes and then he would seek help from someone whose only motivation in this world was money, someone who - for the right price - would do exactly what he asked.

He said a quick goodnight to Allen before running up the stairs to his master bedroom. He was surprised to find Raven curled up on his side of the bed, her face buried in his pillow. Her preferred sleeping position was literally on top of him and he knew, when he wasn’t home, this was the best she could get.

He laughed lightly at her kindle which was half hanging out of her hand, the young woman clearly having fallen asleep reading. She had not even put her scarf on the giant pineapple of curls on her head or taken off her reading glasses, which told him she had tried her hardest to stay awake till he got home. He watched her, like a creep admittedly, for several minutes before he moved.

He had never felt love like this a day in his life. He had always accepted that he would never find it, never find someone who could and would love him unconditionally. But she did, she loved him even though he was not sure he deserved it. And everytime she looked at him, touched him, curled into his side to sleep, he felt the depths of it in his very being. Their love was pure and he refused to let anyone taint it.

He moved as quietly as possible to the bed and took the kindle out of her hand and slid her glasses off. Thankfully, she slept like a rock. However, she only stirred as he tried to gently tie her scarf around her edges to protect her hair. She stretched and let out a deep but insanely cute yawn as she blinked a few times.

“H-Hey babe. S-sorry, I tried to wait for you.”

Michael leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. “Don’t apologize. I didn’t mean to wake you. Just knew you’d be pissed if you woke up with no scarf on.”

She chuckled. “You’re right about that. H-How was your dinner meeting?”

“Fine,” he waved his hand dismissively. He hated that he had lied to her but it was the only excuse he could think of that did not bring more questions. Raven was generally inquisitive but she tended to understand the often secret nature of some roles and Hollywood meetings so she did not often pry for information he did not offer up. “Might have a role for me but shit is still in flux. We’ll probably need to meet again to iron out some details.”

She nodded as she forced herself into a seated position. “I’ll never understand you Hollywood types. Who wants to have a dinner meeting at 10 pm?”

“Logistics are easier for later dinners. It’s a whole thing.” He rolled his shoulders a bit, the tension of the day making his entire body ache.

“You ok? You seem so tense, baby.”

He studied her for a moment, taking in the genuine care on her face. So few people looked at him like that, like a human with needs and feelings. They just saw him as a product to sell or an ATM to get their needs met. But not Raven, never Raven. Even when he was quite literally paying her to be there. She saw him for him. And in that moment, he realized how close he was to losing that, how at risk this precious peace they both had found was. And that terrified him. Losing her terrified him. And he knew that whatever path he chose, that was the risk. And that filled him with such an overwhelming sense of dread.

He rarely felt overwhelmed by his own feelings. But right then, he felt like he could not even think straight enough to answer that simple question. And he knew that simple question was his out, his chance to tell her the truth about what tension he was feeling and why.

So instead of speaking, he used his impeccable strength to pull her into his lap. Her fingers played in the coarse hair of his beard as he stared at her, concern filling her eyes as she took in the solemn and stressed look in his.

“Hey… baby… what’s wrong?”

“N-Nothin’. Nothin’,” he lied, his courage deflating like a popped balloon. As soon as the words left his mouth, his lips crashed into hers, stealing her breath right out of her mouth. He could not talk, could not have a conversation. He just needed to feel her, all of her.

He could not bring himself to do it, to ask her for her permission to do what he knew had to be done. All roads led to the same destination and this was the only one he could see that left them with the least amount of bruises. He did not have the heart to tell her that the only path forward for them was to destroy her reputation now or have Tasha do it later. He did not have the heart to tell her he failed her, that he could not protect her from this.

Raven could feel everything in that kiss, his own stress and tension and pain. She wondered if more had gone on tonight at his meeting than he was willing to let on. Typically, Michael was the emotional rock, holding her up and giving her space to fall apart. But tonight, she was reminded that sometimes the strong ones need that too.

She broke off their kiss to catch her breath before whispering, “Take what you need.”

Michael rested his forehead against hers. “You sure?”

“Consider me your stress ball,” she joked with a half smile. “Do your worst. I trust you.”

Trust you don’t deserve, a cold voice inside hurled at him.

Michael said nothing as he flipped Raven over onto her stomach. There was no love or sweetness in the way he handled her as he arranged her lethargic limbs in the position he desired, ass high and face pressed into his comforter. He did not give her any warning as he sheathed himself inside her with one thrust, Raven squealing at the sudden and rough intrusion.

“Fuckkkkkkkk,” she moaned as he bottomed out inside her. She did not understand how his size and girth still managed to leave her breathless.

“You always this wet for me, baby?”

“Y-Yes,” she whimpered as he gave her a brief moment to adjust to him.

“Yes what?” he demanded with a sharp and painful slap against her plump ass. “Yes daddy,” she amended quickly. She could already tell she would be bruised and sore by the time he was done with her. But she could not hope to care. Whatever he needed, she would gladly give.

They rarely did quickies, Michael enjoyed the warm up far too much to skip it. But tonight, he needed the adrenaline of rough, uninhibited fucking. He needed to hear her screams, the slaps of his hips against her ass. Needed to feel the soft skin of her hips beneath his hand as he rammed into her. He needed to let go of the stress of the last 48 hours with the woman he loved, let go of the feelings of objective failure he felt. He needed to get lost in her.

Raven was in pure bliss as Michael fucked her at a pace and intensity she had rarely seen from him. She could not even keep up with him to match his thrusts into her. All she could do was lay there and scream out as he took her.

“Shit, shit. J-just like that,” she moaned as his hands dug into her skin. Her fingers curled around the softness of his comforter as she used it to muffle the screams of her orgasm.

“Fuck, this pussy feels so good gripping my dick, baby. That’s right, cum for daddy.”

Her body instinctively shied away from the overwhelming feelings of pleasure and pain he provided, causing his grip to only grow tighter so she could not escape him, as if she would disappear right before his eyes if he loosened his grip on her at all.

“The fuck you runnin’ for?? You said do my worst right? So take this dick!” His voice was commanding as he spanked her, the sound reverberating around his bedroom.

“I-It’s too m-much,” she moaned out as she felt another orgasm start to build.

“You can take it. I know you can. Be a good girl for me.”

Hearing the words “good girl” on his lips were almost enough to make her orgasm right then on the spot.

Her upper body collapsed as another orgasm hit her like a train of endless ecstasy. Only Michael’s brute strength held her up as he chased his own release. Her body felt like putty in his hands, completely pliant and under his control.

“You gonna cum again for me, baby?” he demanded.

Raven felt as if he was fucking her into another dimension, was she even on Earth anymore? She could barely form thoughts let alone words to answer his questions. And as the silence stretched on and only her moans and squeals punctuated the sound of his thrusts, Michael knew she needed an incentive to remember the rules.

He wrapped his fist in her hair, which had unceremoniously fallen out of her scarf and pulled her up so her back was flush against his body. He wrapped his hand around her throat and squeezed lightly, loving how Raven’s eyes rolled back into her head and a long moan escaped her. He noticed the tear tracks on her cheeks and almost wondered if he was pushing her too far.

“Need me to stop?” he asked quietly, not slowing down his pace or movement as he asked.

Despite how overwhelmed and exhausted she felt, Raven could not comprehend the idea of him stopping. She had offered him this and she wanted it too. “D-don’t stop… p-please don’t stop.”

“Ok then. When daddy asks you somethin’, you fuckin’ answer!”

He let her body fall forward before he started spanking her with every ounce of strength he had. The pain radiated through her entire body but it was a delicious hurt, one she wished she could have all the time. Michael’s spankings were one of her favorite parts of their sex life. But now she knew that he was holding back some of his strength on her account. And she did not want that ever again. If this was him totally uninhibited and unrestrained, she would be his stress ball every day of the week.

She shook her head as tears slowly trekked down her face. “I-I c-can’t…”

Whether that was to convey that she could not speak or couldn’t come again, Michael did not know nor did not care. Until he heard a safeword cross her lips, he would drain them both of everything they collectively had.

“Yea, you can. Cause daddy demands it.”

His fingers found their way to her clit and roughly circled it, Raven’s entire body tensing as she reached her peak for the third time. He thanked the good lord he had had the forethought to soundproof his bedroom when he built this house years ago. That way he nor his parents had to be scarred for life. But even he wondered if her screams of pleasure would test the limits of that particular design feature.

However, they were the perfect symphony that pushed him right over the edge. He increased his pace, as if that were possible, hammering into her before he pressed her hips tightly against his form as he came inside her with a loud moan of his own. He collapsed next to her prone form for a moment as he tried to catch his breath.

He ran his hand through her hair, the young woman letting out a soft, appreciative whimper that acknowledged his touch and gentleness but let him know she was utterly spent.

He pushed himself out of bed and started a bath, adding some epsom salt to the water in hopes that would soothe whatever aches he caused. He returned to his bed and rubbed her back to get her attention.

“Bath,” he whispered, before he scooped her up into his arms as if she were a small child. He carried her into the bathroom and quickly redid her hair and scarf before settling her into the tub.

A moan slipped past her lips as the hot water surrounded her limbs. Michael positioned himself behind her, his arm pressed into her breasts to keep her flush to his chest.

“Was I too rough?”

Her heart warmed at the question. She would not have offered her body to him if she had not wanted rough but she appreciated that he still cared enough about her to check in, during and after.

“No, I love it when you get lost in it. But you’re sure you’re ok?”

“Yea… think the stress of the awards and the press tour next month are just getting to me. I’m good, babe.” A cop out but it was all he could offer.

Though it was difficult to get her limbs to move properly, she shifted so she could turn around and look at him. She chewed on her lip for a moment before saying, “You’d tell me if… something was wrong, right? Like you’re always there for me and my problems, listening and fixing. A-and well… I know I can’t like fix whatever it is or anything or probably even understand it. But I hope you know you can trust me with stuff. I just d-don’t want you to think you can’t… if you ever need to o-or - ”

Michael leaned forward and captured her lips, silencing the sweet ramblings his girl was known for.

“Yea I know, baby.”

He felt her entire body sort of deflate with relief before she settled back against his chest.

“Good. I’m glad.”

They sat in silence as Michael’s hands slowly and methodically massaged her body, starting at her shoulders and working their way down at a deliciously slow but tantalizing pace. He took his time, kneading each of her muscles until the ache she felt subsided. His hands were massaging her thighs, which was doing more to work her up than calm her down, when Michael

“Be my date on Sunday.” He kissed her on the neck.

“Sunday? What’s on Sunday?” she asked, not even opening her eyes as she enjoyed the work of the Lord Almighty he was doing on her thighs.

“The Globes.”

Raven immediately pushed off of his chest in shock. An award show? Those glittery and glamorous programs she had watched as a kid?

What’s my fucking life right now?? She asked herself as it hit her, for the first time, that things like this would be a regular occurrence now that she and Michael were serious. This was the big leagues and she was going to be standing right beside him.

“The Globes… as in THE Golden Globes?? You’re kidding right?”

He laughed at the look of utter shock on her face. “Yes, those Globes. And nah, why would I joke about that shit? I want the sexiest woman in the world on my arm when I win.”

Michael did not want to be ruled by fear of when Tasha would lob her grenade at them, if she even had the chance. They deserved to just have a fun and extravagant night out together. This would be the biggest night of his career and if their names were going to be thrown into a scandal either way, he could at least enjoy a night out with Raven before it does.

Raven shook her head, though her heart and childish brain screamed at her for doing so. Why was she pushing back? Every fiber of her being just wanted her to yell “YES, YES, YES!”

“B-But what about your parents?? Maybe you should take one of them o-or your siblings? I mean I’d love to go. Like seriously THE Golden Globes with like every entertainer I adore and love? But this is such a big moment in your career. Don’t you want to spend it with… I dunno, the people who’ve been there for the ride? I just got here,” she chuckled. “Don’t ask me out of some obligation. If there’s someone else you’d prefer, I won’t be offended. I didn’t expect an invite to all these anyway, you know? Figured you take family or your friends or someone more important to you… What if you look back and regret not taking one of them? You should -”

“Babe!” he cut her off, his palm cradling her cheek to keep her gaze on him.. “You said all that in one breath. Breathe for me, baby girl.” Raven appreciated that he could always see when she was spiraling and stop it. She forced air into her lungs before nodding for him to speak. “My family’s been to hella award shows, they’ve seen as many of them as a single person could ever want to. But even if they hadn’t, you’re the most important person to me right now. So I want to look out if I win and see you there. You are the most important person in my life.”

“You’re sure?”

“Wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t, promise.”

“Then yes. I’d love to.” She turned fully and straddled his hips, kissing him deeply. Her hips instinctively grinded against him, a smile gracing her features as she felt his cock start to grow hard beneath him. She did not care that he fucked her into near oblivion a mere 10 minutes ago. Just him offering to take her to the biggest award show of his career to date filled her with such joy and happiness. And now, she had no interest in going to sleep. Now? She just needed more. More of him and his love, attention, and care.

“Not too sore, baby girl?” he asked as he pulled one of her nipples in between his lips and sucked gently before biting the swell of her breast, Raven’s head falling back with a small cry.

“Never… I need you,” she whispered in his ear as she sucked on the soft skin of his neck. “Please.”

“Get up here and ride daddy’s dick.”

Raven did not need to be told twice as she positioned herself over him and slid down.

“Enjoy it cause then it’s my turn again.” He winked at her with the most wicked glint in his eyes that let Raven know she would not sleep for hours.

***

“So how does it feel? Mr. Golden Globe winner??” Raven asked for the 100th time as she and Michael walked back into the condo. The condo was really only used now when they were at events super late. And staying out until 3 am meant neither of them were all too interested in making the trek back to his home.

Michael chuckled, “The same way it felt 10 minutes ago, Rae.”

She gave herself a playful facepalm. “I’m sorry, I’m being annoying. I’m just so excited for you! I mean tonight was amazing and magical and you were amazing and everyone was literally singing your praises. And I’m just…” she turned and wrapped her arms around his broad shoulders. “I’m really proud of you. No one deserves this moment more.”

“Thank you. It was even better with you by my side.”

Raven let out a childlike squeal as Michael picked her up in his arms, her after party dress bunched up in his hands. However, before she could tell him to be careful of the fabric, he merely smirked. “It’ll be on the floor in a minute. Don’t worry bout that shit.”

She merely rolled her eyes as he playfully tossed her onto his bed and launched himself on top of her. She let out a loud oof as his weight pushed her deeper into the bed and laughed.

She moaned as he kissed her before she had to stop him for a brief moment. As much as she loved being glammed up by his team, she could not deny that the full glam and fake lashes they put on her were not as comfortable almost 10 hours later.

“Let me hang up the dress and wash my face before you ravish me? These lashes are killing me and it’s gonna take me a few minutes to peel these spanx off.”

He seemed wholly uninterested in letting her do any of those things until the phone in his pants started to ring. He knew only one person who dared to call him this late. The disgruntled huff he pushed out made her cackle but he rolled off of her, allowing her to get up.

“Fine, I’ll allow it. But only cause Alex would only call this late if it was important.”

As he answered the phone, she disappeared into the guest room where all of her clothes were stored. She made quick work of stripping down to her panties and ensuring her dress was stowed properly in its garment bag. It had been a delicate yet gorgeous gown and she had not trusted Michael not to accidentally destroy it in his quest to get it off her. She knew he could afford to pay for it but she did not even want to know how much a Valentino dress would set him back.

She joyfully ripped the fake lashes on her eyes off before washing her face several times to get off all the makeup she had on. She looked stunning, as she always did when his glam team got a hold of her. But she also would rather do this tedious task now than in a few hours when Michael was done with her.

She thought about slipping into some lingerie as she pulled off her nipple covers. But she figured it would take more time than necessary to put any of it on and Michael would likely just rip it off her within seconds. So she made her way back to his room nearly naked with just her thong on.

However, when she returned, Michael’s mood was far more subdued than when she left. She raised an eyebrow as she straddled his hips, his hands barely touching her hips, a departure from his usual grip on her.

“Everything ok?”

“That was Alex. We… got a problem.”

“Ok?”

He rubbed her lower back as he spoke as if that would calm her for whatever was about to come out of his mouth. “She got a call from TMZ that they have a source… that told them about us. How we met and… that we lied to everyone about it. And they are gonna run it sometime tomorrow.”

Raven scratched her forehead, the joy she felt moments ago dissipating almost immediately.

This can’t be happening…

“W-what?? B-But… N-No, no. She’s… I-is she sure?”

“Baby, calm down. It’s gonna be ok. Apparently, the angle he took was favorable to you? It doesn’t shame you or anything. It’s just honest about the circumstances of how we met.”

Raven felt as if her whole world had just come falling down around her as she leapt off his lap. “It’s favorable to me?? That’s a super small comfort w-when you just told me that the entire world is about to find out I was a prostitute, Michael! C-Cause no one’s gonna care that you were date number like 3 in a series of failed dates o-or that you were the first guy to even pay me for sex. They’re just gonna care that I did it. This reporter doesn’t need to shame me when the whole fucking world will.” She paced up and down beside his bed as she tried to will her panic to subside. “I-Is there anyway to stop it?? W-why is this even happening?? I mean it’s been months. Who would even care enough to c-come out and say something now??”

Michael stood and grabbed her by the arm, he pulled her into his embrace but he knew it would do little to soothe her. “It could’ve been anyone? Employee at the hotel, someone who works for Helen. Alex is trying to find out who and more about the story so we can figure out what to do. And this person probably realized that now, with award season and Creed, would be the most profitable time to release shit about me. I’m sorry, Rae. I should’ve seen this comin’. It’s my fault.”

The clear guilt in his voice cut through the haze of panic she felt and caused her to stop thinking about herself for a moment.

Fuck, how selfish are you? A story like this could potentially ruin his career and all she could think about was how it affected her. Michael could lose work and deals and prestige because of a story like this. What did she have to lose? A family that already hated her and she had cut off? A reputation that, at least in the industry she was once in, was already tarnished?

“No, d-don’t apologize. I'm sorry. I’m over here freaking out and you’re the one with an actual career to lose. I just… I guess when it didn’t come out initially, I assumed it wouldn’t? A-and I just… freaked out. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t make it all about me.”

“It’s cool. And ok to be upset. I’m used to shit like this… you aren’t. Good thing is, shit like this stays in the news for a few days and then it passes. Alex and I’ll work on a plan tomorrow once it’s out and fix this shit. I promise.”

All Raven could make herself do was nod as she let her forehead fall onto his bare chest, a sudden wave of exhaustion hitting her. Even with Michael, there was always something. There was no true peace in her life, or least, none that lasted long enough for her to enjoy it.

An uncomfortable tightness grew in her chest as she realized what was barreling toward them both. And for the first time in a long time, Michael’s arms did not bring her the comfort she needed. In fact, they only added to her stress. She wanted to be with him but she also knew that her presence would be a distraction. He had to figure out the best response for his career without feeling the need to cater to her emotions and she wanted to break down and cry and scream without being worried he would feel guilty.

Which meant she could not be there with him when this story broke. She needed space and alone time to process this.

“Do you think Allen could take me home?” she whispered. “I n-need to be alone.”

“Rae, stay. We should talk about this.”

She could see the panic bloom in his eyes and it made her adjust her statement. “I’m not m-mad at you, baby. You don’t have control over who talks to the media and when. I know you would stop it if you could. I just… knowing it’s coming out is a lot to process and I need to do that alone in my own space. And you need to be focused on your career, not me and my feelings. I’ll check in with you tomorrow but I d-don’t want to talk tonight. I just want to be alone.”

Michael pressed his lips to her forehead before walking over to his dresser and pulling out a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt that she had stored there. He helped her get dressed before calling Allen to come back to take her home. He knew she was not upset with him but he could not help but feel disheartened at how she retreated into herself. He could see all the emotions she felt painted on her face and that made him want to demand she stay so he could help her through it.

But he knew that was not fair. If she said she needed space, he had to respect that. The reason she was feeling this way was his fault anyway.

“You’re sure you’re gonna be ok? I can come with you?” He tried one last time when Allen texted that he was downstairs.

“Positive. Just need a couple hours to myself to get my head around everything. I’ll come to the house tomorrow evening after it's out and we can talk. Just give me a few hours, please.”

He nodded, silently acquiescing to her wishes, despite every piece of him wanting to protest.

Raven offered him a peck on the lips before heading down in the elevator, desperate to scream or yell or throw something across the room. She supposed she always knew there was a chance it could come out. After all, there were a handful of people that knew the truth. But she had just lulled herself into believing it wouldn’t, that their peace would be safe.

Her head felt like it was spinning when she finally laid down an hour later in her own bed. She had only taken the time to switch into one of Michael’s sweatshirts that she had commandeered from his house so she could curl up in his scent. She wrapped herself tightly in her blanket and let out a shuddering and shaky breath.

He’s gonna leave you. A voice finally said the fear that gripped her since he told her the news. She had not wanted to admit it but she knew it was coming. He was going to leave her.

How could he possibly stay? Why would he want to stay? His entire team would demand he cut ties with her. There was no other option. She knew it and he likely knew it too. His safest bet was likely to paint her as a woman who manipulated him or a gold digger after his money. She spent enough time on social media to know what the media and everyday people would say about her. They’d call her a slut and a whore, never mind that she was only doing what she had to do to survive. That would not matter to them. And then the dogpilling would begin. Some internet detective would find out she was also a stripper and this would give her sister the perfect chance to shame her like she always wanted to.

‘There are always other options than selling yourself’ they’d say. They’d question his manhood for even wanting to be with her in the first place. And it would not matter that prostitution was the oldest profession in civilization or that Michael was her first real customer. Her doing it with him would be enough for them to brand her with every terrible name women avoid being labeled.

She hastily wiped away the few tears that fell as she stared at her ceiling. These would be her last few moments of peace in her life and she realized that tonight was likely her last night with Michael. She felt her heart break at the idea. However, she would walk away, she realized. If that was what it took to save him and his career and this moment in his life, she would walk away from him. It would cut her deeper than any wound but she would do it for him if he asked.

And now, every second felt like a countdown to that moment. When she would arrive at his house tomorrow afternoon and be greeted with the cold slap of rejection. She would just have to prepare herself.

She reached into her nightstand and pulled out a bottle of old sleeping pills she used to use when she first lost her writing contract. She had struggled so much that her doctor prescribed them. It had been almost a year since she needed them but tonight was an exception. She just wanted to fall into the deep, dreamless sleep they provided so she would not have to sit awake and think about how everything in this world was designed to destroy her. She popped one in her mouth and snuggled up with her pillow while her tears fell, the protective blanket of sleep covering her within minutes.

Tag List: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333 @roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc @apenasumlug4r

***

A/N: Welp... Michael's keeping secrets, Tasha is smarter (kinda, maybe?) than Michael thought and poor Raven's completely in the dark. Drop a comment and let me know who you think this "source" is and how you think these two are going to react to the article! And so exciting - chapter 9 is like 1/3 done lol so it'll be out in the next two weeks. Would be sooner but I'm on vacation next week. Thanks for reading, commenting, liking... all the things! :)

#black writers #michael b jordan #michael b jordan x oc #mbjordanedit #black panther #michael b jordan x reader #michael b jordan fanfic #creed 3 #adonis creed #creed iii

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smartycvnt · 5 months

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Another Life

Title: Another Life

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Summary: Hotch introduces the team to his wife when a BAU case brings them close to where he settled down.

Word Count: 1240

Warnings: brief mentions of murder

The murders were making Aaron nervous. Foyet was long gone, and Aaron thought that he had moved on. Jack and Ash were none the wiser to the thoughts racing through Aaron's mind. To them, this was just a freak situation in a nearby city. It was something that Ash constantly reassured everyone that the city cops would be able to handle. Aaron had more than enough on his plate at the firm to worry about the bullshit happening half an hour away.

Aaron wished that his wife had been right, but then the call came in from Garcia. The BAU had been sent out after the bodies of more victims had been found. Whenever one of Jack's friends showed up on the autopsy table, Aaron had rushed over there to see what he could do to help. Legally, he wasn't sure what he could do, but Aaron wanted everything to be over as quickly as possible.

"It feels different looking down at the body knowing who it was." Rossi and JJ shared a look as Aaron stared down at the boy on the table. "Carter, he ate dinner at my house last weekend. He was on Jack's baseball team. I helped him fill out an application for a pre-college program last month."

"Aaron, I am so sorry," Rossi apologized. "We'll get this sick bastard before he takes another kid's life. Go home, be with Jack, I'm sure that he needs his father."

"My wife is with him. Ash has been a godsend," Aaron said. JJ looked surprised by the news that Aaron had remarried. JJ could remember the difficulties that Aaron had whenever he had tried dating before. "If you guys aren't too busy when this is all over, I'd love to have you over for dinner."

The offer to come and see where Aaron had been for the past decade or so had been happily accepted by the rest of the team. Even Garcia had hopped on an airplane to come and see Aaron and Jack. Aaron pretended not to be nervous about the whole ordeal, but Ash could see right through him. She could see the way that his fingers twitched as he watched the FBI issued black SUVs pull into the driveway.

"I know that I'm relatively new to the housewife side of things, but my cooking isn't that bad, is it?" Ash joked as she nudged Aaron's side with her elbow. Aaron glanced down at his wife, who was smiling at him in an attempt to get him to calm down. There wasn't anything for them to worry about. Ash was amazing, and the team would love her. If anything, Aaron knew that he only had to worry about Emily or Derek charming her away from him, not that they'd ever seriously do that.

"The ten pounds I gained should be reassurance enough." Ash smiled at Aaron's joke. He placed his hand over his stomach, which Ash knew for a fact was still in great shape. Aaron worked out like he was still planning on taking a fitness test for the FBI again. He was a great influence on her health and worked with her to get some exercise almost every single day.

"Are they here?" Jack asked as he raced down the stairs. Ash didn't think that she had seen him that excited to see anybody in a long time. Suddenly, she felt a little nervous. These people were very obviously important to her husband and son. Ash watched as Jack practically ran outside and began hugging the group of people that got out of the vehicles.

"Come on," Aaron said as he led Ash outside. She looked at each of them, who seemed so happy to be reunited with their old friend. Ash felt out of place, but she wouldn't have traded her place watching for anything. It felt like a blessing to see a sliver of Aaron's old life before he had been forced to move. He didn't like talking about Haley or his work before, and with the dark subject matter, Ash had just let it be.

"This is my mom, Ash," Jack introduced. He looked back at Ash, who was still taking a moment to compose herself. She had done everything that she could to build a relationship with Jack without forcing it, and it had paid off. She constantly worried about being too overbearing or not seeming to care enough, but for Jack to introduce her as his mom showed that she had been doing things just right.

"It's nice to meet all of you. Aaron isn't much of a talker, so I'm afraid that I don't know a lot," Ash said. She shook each of their hands as they introduced themselves. Aaron ushered everybody inside to eat the dinner that Ash had made for them that was sitting out on the dining room table. It was a bit cramped, but there seemed to just enough room.

Ash spent most of her night listening to the stories that everybody had to tell. Aaron looked so at ease around his old friends. Rossi was full of stories about Aaron's early days, and Ash wasn't the least bit surprised to learn that he had been uptight and overly serious to compensate for his initial lack of experience. JJ's stories about Aaron falling asleep at his desk working overnight sounded somewhat familiar, but it was a habit that Aaron had been slowly breaking himself out of.

"You guys are gonna come visit again, aren't you?" Jack asked hopefully.

"Definitely, and we'll work on talking your old man into coming to DC for a bit. Have you ever been Ash?" Emily asked. Ash thought that she liked Ash the most out of everybody. They were the most alike, both women who had focused on their careers to a personal detriment. Ash hoped that Emily got lucky and found someone like Aaron who could give her the family that she had always wanted, but kept pushing off.

"Nope, I haven't left the state actually," Ash answered. "Aaron lured me in with stories about foreign cities and exotic places."

"Well now you have to come out," Rossi decided. Aaron watched as they all planned a trip for him to come to DC in the summer. It scared him a little to go back to where he had lost his wife, but Jack had been asking to visit for a couple of years now already. Aaron wanted to give Jack everything, and there was no better way to set a good example for his son than to put his own fears behind him to make his family happy.

"Do you think that they liked me?" Ash asked hours after everybody had left as she got ready for bed with Aaron.

"I think they love you almost as much as I do. It's impossible not to," Aaron told her. Ash smiled as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.

"Yeah, you really did try keeping your distance. I guess you're not much of a lone wolf anymore, and I can't say that I'm too upset about it."

"Me neither," Aaron agreed. He really was glad that he had let go of his reservations and made the move to let things get serious with Ash. He would never forget Haley or let Ash replace her, but it was nice to have someone else there for him and Jack.

#aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #my writing #one shot

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envy-of-the-apple · 2 months

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That what if when ms. moon already has a family but has to leave because of him is so HEARTBREAKING. Imagine moving on from a tramatic situation, meeting the love of your life, having a wonderful kid for all that to just get squashed in a instant. That literally had me about to tear up but imagine her kid was a bit older lets say like 10 (i know the math doesnt add up well with the timeline but its a what if)and then she just has to leave, that alone would greatly negatively impact the kid, just leaving a lasting mark. Maybe the kid would remember gojo’s face and resent him for the rest of their life.

The husband thing is equally as sad because I imagine ms.moon as shes about to leave crying and whispering how much she loves him and that shes so sorry. (Bonus heartbreak points they all breakdown as shes about to leave and she cant even hug or kiss them goodbye because shes being watched). After this incident ms.moon’s pervious family completes spiral down the drain and moon’s mental state goes down the drain with it

In conclusion amazing story but that shit was sad as fuck but I still eat it up with silverware and all

(merging multiple SEM asks cuz i feel so guilty for clogging up ppls dashes lmao)

ughhhh anytime kids are involved it just gets way more depressing, right? It think age 8-10 is like the worst time for this to this to happen because the kid can understand little, but not enough to get the whole picture.

The kid knows that their mom is leaving, but they aren't seeing the wavering tears in Ms.moon's eyes, the shaky hands, as you hug them for the last time. All that they can see is the fancy new car your new lover sits in. The grand ring that sits on your finger. Yeah, your kid will hate gojo for ripping apart your family.

But they'll hate you more, considering you're running off with a man who has more money than their father.

I think the only upside is that gojo might not bat an eye if you send money back to your family, keeping them comfortable. With enough pleading, he might pull a few string to get your kid into a good school. With your indirect help, your kid will have the best education and prosperity. Them resenting you is a pretty small price to pay, right?

in the fic, the case took about three weeks, so it took three weeks for gojo to just snap.

He would definetly try to toy with ms.moon for as long as he can. Despite claiming that he forgave ms.moon, he does carry a tiny bit of resentment. It's kind of a punishment, in that sense.

And honestly the moment he figures out you who are, I doubt you'd have a chance to run anymore. The reason why Ms.moon was able to 'get away' the first time was because gojo was still a teenager, hier of the gojo conglomerate, but still not powerful yet. Now, he has tons of resources available for him. You're not getting away lmao, I think that's why he's so much at ease this time around.

I never really considered the family's response. their reactions is something I'm not really interested in exploring. i don't think they got any characterization other than 'housewife mom' and 'dad who works'. I don't really think ms.moon would even mention gojo's torment to them. It'd be embarrassing, knowing that some kid the same age as you is just lording over your life, right? I did mention that Gojo confronts your family in EKM, but I don't like that addition now, so I'm retconning it. I feel like they'd find out just like everyone else did: From the media. Everyone in your little town knew who the Gojo was, but the fact that their kid is getting married to one of them has so be surprising.

But then again, not something im interested in exploring

If Gojo had managed to find Ms. Moon before, things would certainly have been much different. The gojo now has 'cooled down' and is far less volatile. If they had met again, if they were in their early twenties....things would not be much different from his high school counterpart.

#SEM #dark content #yandere jjk #dark jjk #dark gojo satoru #yandere gojo satoru

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dearramiel · 1 year

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𝐓𝐚𝐠, 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐈𝐭 | 𝐒𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐭𝐨𝐧

✧ - fluff in the beginning of the story, will eventually get dark, undertones of off setting steve, he's kinda stalking her in the beginning, anxiety/paranoia, steve is 28, reader is at least 21, yes I want to be steve's housewife(a lot of those undertones are present throughout the story so steve has a housewife kink), we listen to stevie nicks and honestly it was by pure coincidence, domestic vibes,

You look beautiful..

In that cute little dress, you'd make the prettiest housewife in town, if you'd just let him in. But all he can do is look, as you walk down the driveway of your house, a little empty basket on your arm. He figures that you're running Saturday morning errands. He shuts the blinds of his window, quickly running out of his own house.

"Y/n!" His voice calls out to you, you whip your head around and spot Steve Harrington jogging towards you, car keys in hand. The rattling of his keys come to an end when he catches up to you.

"Steve, Good morning!" You greet, your voice melting his insides.

"Morning, Sweetheart." He says, trying to ease his nerves when he notices the visible reddening on your face, or the way your smile gets bigger.

"Heading out to the markets?" Steve asks, to which you nod.

"I need to pick some stuff up for dinner today." You reply.

"In that little thing?" He motions to the basket.

"Well I'm only making something for myself, my mom and dad are out on vacation.." You giggle, "Unless, you want to join me?"

The older male is a little shocked, is that even a question?

"I don't wanna bother, but I also wouldn't want a little lady like you to be all alone." He grins. "How about I drive you there?"

The next two hours were spent with you trying to politely decline Steve paying for your groceries. You couldn't deny what it made you feel. You felt like you and him were together, walking around the market places as you picked fresh vegetables and canned goods, shoulders bumping by accident, accidentally brushing your fingers against his, even eying a dress.

All which Steve noticed, encouraging you to try them on in a makeshift dressing room that looked to be an extra storage room, mirrors in place where you could twirl in the dress. After deciding on a couple, you step out, showing Steve who was sat on a chair.

"What do we think?" You say, "it's a little long but maybe I'll grow into it." You joke. Steve doesn't speak for a solid second or two, his heart is racing because you look gorgeous.

"I think you look amazing. You should definitely get it." He smiled, looking at how it hugged your upper body, hoping one day he would see underneath.

"There's another, but I'll save it for later." You say, twirling another time to really show him everything. And again, he's nearly speechless.

"I'll be back." You say, going into the room to change back into your own dress. Carefully untying the little bow, blushing when you remember Steve's face.

Once out, you see Steve with the old lady, the owner of the shop. He's smiling to her as he gently pushes her hands full of change back to her, where she then bows her head to him, smiling ever so gratefully. The act is enough to make your pulse pick up, she hands him a bag big enough to fit the articles of clothing on your arm.

Steve noticed you close the door of the dressing room. "Here." He opens the bag, to which you then put everything in.

"You didn't have to, you know ..pay for it.." you say, feeling bad that he's practically been spoiling you all day. You weren't fortunate to have the money he did, and you definitely didn't want to make it look like you were trying to take advantage of his generosity. Most of what you did have was hard earned money coming from your parents, the house you lived in from your grandparents. It's why you pushed them to take a vacation for themselves.

"Don't worry your pretty little head about it, besides, I think that little dinner will make up for it." He suggests, a sweet smile on his face. You return it.

"Well, thank you for doing this." You play with your fingers, forgetting that he's holding everything. And he doesn't mind because it plays more into his fantasy.

"It's really not a problem."

It's 12 p.m by the time you get back home, Steve has walked you to your front steps, promising to stop by at 6:30 for dinner with you. The thought has you excited, almost throwing yourself into the shower before remembering that you already had, prior to stepping out.

After the excitement settles down, you realize that an unsettling feeling begins to wash over you. Being alone in a big house comes with perks like those, paranoia.

It leaves you feeling unnerved, and it's hard to shake off. It's not the first time you've felt this way, but it's also never been so intense.

You figure that the only way to ease the tension that begins to weigh down on your shoulders is by putting a vinyl into its player. A sense of relief comes down as Stevie Nicks plays throughout the living room, spilling into the kitchen. It helps just enough that you're able to focus on what you want to make, especially now that you want to impress Steve.

You settle on spaghetti and meatballs, after that, a pie to go as dessert.

1:00 p.m. becomes 2 p.m., which becomes 3 p.m., 4 p.m, and then 5:30 p.m, cleaning, cooking, and baking had you distracted, you wash your hands before quickly rushing upstairs to your room, bag in hand, the dresses Steve had bought you now on your bed. You figured that wearing the one he hadn't seen you in would be perfect.

You weren't sure why you were trying to impress Steve, maybe it was the growing crush you had on him, whatever it was, it began to make you feel a little insecure. Trying to live up to his standards, he was known to have any woman wanted, and they were usually really pretty.

You shake away your nagging and negative thoughts, choosing to put on very light makeup, a little bit of eyeliner, lipstick, blush, and eyeshadow, going for a natural look.

You slip out of your dress, embarrassed as you think about also changing your undergarments. It's not like Steve would see you in your underwear anyway.

But.. just in case...

You pick out a matching white lace bra and panties set, then slipping the dress on. You button up the dress, until you reach the last two buttons, leaving a very visible sight for your cleavage. Your chest on display, collarbone showing. Your hair is simple, a low messy bun with some loose hair scattered everywhere aside from your face. By the time your done, it's barely 6:15 p.m, giving you 15 minutes to yourself. With those spared minutes, you slip into your black flats, hanging the other dress in your closet, walking to the kitchen, serving two plates of food, two cups of water, and taking the pie out of the oven, setting it on the counter for it to cool off.

Setting the plates and cups on the table, you're finally done.

Then the ring of the doorbell has your heart jumping out of your chest. You smile and pat down your dress, quickly rushing to the door, opening it swiftly, face heating up when you see him.

Steve Harrington in a suit, holding roses in one hand, the other in his pocket, and you can tell that he's nervous.

He's not moving, stuck in a trance as he looks at the dress you're wearing, down to your legs, before looking back up to your face. An innocent smile on your pink lips, Steve finally moves.

"Hey Sweetheart."

#stalker!steve #stranger things x reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #stranger things smut #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x reader smut #steve x reader #stranger things x reader smut #dark!steve x reader #dark!steve harrington #tw stalking #tw anxiety

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drewsbuzzcut · 3 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/drewsbuzzcut/737730544334487552/also-christmas-night-is-when-nick-asks-dallas

Can we get a blurb on this?

When You Know, You Know

nick moldenhauer x dallas blankenburg

a so it goes blurb

warnings: talk of marriage

“Baby, I’m going to take Layla to get some ice cream from the store, want to come with us?” Dallas asks, leaning over the back of the couch where Nick is sitting. Her hands go to massage his shoulders and she presses kisses to his cheek.

“I actually need to make some phone calls to my family, sorry,” Nick says, leaning to the side to connect his lips to hers.

“It’s no problem. I’ll be back,” she responds before leaving with her baby sister.

“Mr and Mrs. Blankenburg, Nick, can I ask you guys a question?” Nick asks Dallas’ family, voice a little wobbly and eyes growing a bit teary.

“Sure. What’s going on sweetheart?”

“I know June and I haven’t been together for long, but I love her so much. There’s not a day that goes by that I’m not thankful for her. It’s safe to say that she’s the one for me, without a doubt. I know this is going to sound completely insane, but I want to ask for her hand in marriage. I know your acceptance means everything to June, so I wouldn’t dream of not asking before proposing,” Nick says smoothly, a silent sigh of relief escaping his lips.

“You both are only 19,” Dallas’ dad says.

“I know, sir, but when you know you know. I am so sure about June,” Nick explains.

“Look Nick, we adore you and we love the way you treat our daughter,” Mrs. Blankenburg starts and Nick can feel his enthusiastic mood falter.

“But,” Nick adds because he knows there’s a “but.”

“But this seems like a drastic move. Please don’t be offended by this, but I don’t want my daughter to feel like she can’t pursue her career because she has to be a housewife,” she says and Nick feels a little shocked at the statement. He’d never hold Dallas back.

“I would never expect June to be a housewife. I know she wants to be a designer and she’s already an amazing one. The way June encourages me with hockey is the same way I will always encourage her with her endeavors. Just because I want to get married doesn’t mean I want to start having kids right away. I just want to be able to love your daughter forever,” Nick defends himself.

“Mom, dad, I don’t think there’s any reason for us to not want them to get married. Nick is a great guy and he treats Dallas with so much respect and love. They’re prefect for each other. Dallas has been the happiest I’ve ever seen her,” Blanks contributes to the conversation, and it makes Nick smile.

“What about living arrangements and school?”

“For the remainder of this school year we will stay where we are, but I was thinking for the next school year that we would rent an apartment together. School will still remain an important part of our lives. Marriage wouldn’t take away from that.”

“You really want to marry our little girl? You really want to be the one who always makes her happy?” Mrs. Blankenburg questions, voice breaking and tears springing to her eyes.

“Yes. I’ll always want her. She’s the love of my life,” Nick states.

“You have our permission. All of ours,” Mr. Blankenburg concludes and gets up to bring Nick in a hug.

“Thank you, so much. I already picked out the ring and I’m planning to propose on Valentine’s Day, because I know she really loves that holiday,” Nick exclaims, his blushing cheeks on display.

“Can we see it?”

“Of course,” Nick pulls out the small ring, going around and going in depth for his explanation on why he chose that ring. He’s counting down the days until February 14th.

a/n: To the anon who requested this, I am so sorry it took so long. I hope you enjoy!

#nick moldenhauer #nick moldenhauer x oc #nick moldenhauer x reader #nick x dallas #so it goes au #umich imagine #umich hockey

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blehcupidd · 9 months

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Hello Gorgeous

Agent Jack ‘Whiskey’ Daniels x Wife!reader

Summary: Your husband, Jack, has been out on the field recently. He was constantly travelling around the globe, leaving you and your four year old daughter on the ranch.

Warnings: fluff, angst but not really, no use of y/n, hottie cowboy is your husband, grammar and spelling mistakes (I'm dyslexic), you have a 4 year old daughter called Sophia, after the events of Kingsman Golden Circle, Jack isn't meat ;), slight sexual innuendo, reader is a housewife (don't we all want to be Jacks housewife???), Reader is referred to more “feminine” terms such as mom, mommy, wife that sort of stuff

A/N: Short little one shot. I wanted Jack to be happy. Also writing this I got distracted by roblox colour or die, and I won so :). Then I got distracted by work at a pizza place; this is probably what people mean by me having adhd. But I'm in denial, so I wrote this the day after :)

WC-1014

Masterlist

Pedro & Characters Masterlist

During the four months, your husband was away, you and your four year old had done multiple things to distract each other. In the beginning, you were just distracting Sophia with her dad not being home. This shortly changed when you started to miss him, meaning you had started hugging your little girl more often. Sophia had no objections to this. If her daddy wasn’t there to hug her, then she would have her mommy.

With the summer heat coming down onto your ranch, you made sure to spend every moment outside or have the curtain open. The driveway was filled with the multicoloured drawings of chalk Sophia had drew, accompanied by your handwriting for the “Sophia, Mommy, Daddy and the horses’ names”. Along the edges of the driveway, there used to be plain old boring grey rocks. The vast majority of the rocks were now coloured in many different mixes of paint.

Since Sophia was born, she was constantly being creative. This had carried on through to her being almost five. You and your husband learnt that to distract or make Sophia happy was to get the paints out. It's what you had been attempting to do throughout the four months. There hadn’t been any tears, not even when your clumsy girl had bumped into something, only the amazement of a purple bruise forming. Whilst your mothering skills were going overdrive being alone with some animals being bigger than you, and a small inquisitive child. Keeping the latter away from being unsupervised was hard with a massive land going so far out.

Today, you were brought with a surprise. Sophia was down in the dumps.

You had tried countless times to find what the problem was, but your mother's intuition only went so far. You started the morning with Sophia’s favourite; french toast, with extra sugar. This was enough to get a small smile and what the two of you were doing today. With Sophia always wanting to be creative and messy, she chose fingerpainting.

Setting up a blanket with a mat for the activities, Sophia brought the paints and paper. When Sophia was pressing her adorable small hands onto her ‘masterpiece’ it slowly clicked what the issue had been. Sophia had made a drawing of her dad riding on a horse with her or attempted it. Nevertheless, she was showing how she felt instead of telling you. Wiping your hands down, you shuffled towards your daughter.

“Is this what the problem is?” You quietly asked as you wrapped your arm around her and pressed a kiss to her temple, much like what her father does to the two of you. “Are you missing Daddy?” Knowing that she had been caught she pouted her bottom lip and nodded.

After wiping the paint off of her fingers you lifted her into your lap, practically surrounding her with your body. “It's okay to cry, baby.” You comforted her, giving her more kisses. “I miss Daddy too, and when he comes back you can go out on the horsies again.” Giving her another kiss you started to see the smile that could light up a dark night sky. “There's that gorgeous smile!” As the smile got brighter, you came up with a solution to the horse problem. With being married to a cowboy, you had never learnt how to ride a horse. This was harsh for your little girl who wanted to do nothing more but ride them, even with her dad away, but the thought of you falling even with Jack there terrified you.

“How about we have our horsie fun?” You asked, seeing the confusion written across Sophia.

“Mama, you can’t ride the horsies. Silly!” Sophia was trying to figure out what you were thinking.

“Who said I was riding?” You got a shriek of enthusiasm from Sophia as you bounced your legs up and down. You carried on until the only thing you could hear from your baby was laughing her head off. “Let's finish our paintings and give them to Daddy when he comes home, how does that sound, sweetheart?”

Pulling up to the drive, Jack could see the pretty drawings he knew his little girl had spent time drawing. The sight of the rocks had also changed, there were pretty colours. He felt happy that his girls had kept themselves occupied in his absence. Walking through the ranch, no one was in. Checking in all of the rooms, and he couldn't find his girls.

Walking outside he could hear the laughter of what could be compared to angels singing. Looking out he saw the most beautiful sight known to man, his girls laughing and enjoying themselves. He was pulled out of his daze by himself and his inner voice, telling him to go see them.

“Hello, gorgeous.”

A familiar southern drawl spoke, alerting you and Sophia. His eye contact with you was broken by his little cowgirl running full speed at him. “Daddy!”

“Hiya, what’s my cowgirl been doin’?” He asked repositioning her onto his hip, still walking towards you.

“Me and Mommy drew you pictures!” Only this is when Jack noticed the paint on his clothes, as well as his princess's clothes and face.

“Oh, that's wonderful,” the mess didn't stop him, Sophia was happy and that's all that mattered. Taking a seat next to you, he instantly received a bundle of kisses. “I missed you baby.”

“I missed you more.”

Making dinner that night was the best feeling in the world for you and Jack. Sophia had her chicken nuggets whilst you and Jack had spaghetti bolognese. Stirring the bolognese, you felt a presence come up behind you. Sliding his hands along the sides of your waist, you were pulled into him.

“I really did miss you, Sugar,” Jack muttered into your ear. That's when you felt something growing against your ass. “Really missed you.”

“You can show me how much you missed me when Sophia is in bed.” You spoke into his neck, gazing your eyes up at your cowboy.

“Don't tempt me with a fun time, mama.”

#pedro pascal #pedrohub #fanfic #fanfiction #jack daniels #wife!reader #slight angst #mostly fluff #jack daniels x reader #jack whiskey daniels #jack daniels x you #jack daniels x female reader #agent whiskey x reader #agent whiskey #kingsman the golden circle #agent jack whiskey daniels #jack daniels fanfic

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thatlovinfeelin · 7 months

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Flightless Bird | twenty | Bradley Rooster Bradshaw

Synopsis: Josephine Wilson Miller is alone for the first time in her life. She got married after her first year of college and became a housewife, but that life is gone now. So she runs to San Diego, to her childhood best friend Jake, where she meets the man who could very well be her salvation.

series warnings: unplanned pregnancy, just pregnancy in general, talks of infertility. past mental and emotional abuse. anxiety. talks of women's reproductive systems (idk)

Jose’s heart was in your throat as she watched Bradley get dressed the following morning. She wasn’t ready for him to leave yet. She wanted more time, she needed more. But he had to go, she knew that. She just wished he could stay longer.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he sighed, putting his hands on his hips.

“I can’t help it,” She mumbled.

He stood there for a second before climbing onto the bed. He reached for her, kissing her gently. He didn’t want to go either, but he had a job to do, for a little while longer at least. Soon enough he would be back here, if all went according to plan. He wanted to be back here with her, and her little girl. He wanted to live across the street again and be more than just some random man at an air show.

“I don’t want to go either,” he admitted, “But I have to, baby.”

“I know,” She pouted, “Just wish I could keep you here for a little while longer.”

He smiled, “I wish I could keep you right here, like this.”

“Only because I’m naked,” You laughed, pulling the blanket up higher, “I need to get dressed too. Jake will be back with Wren before too long.”

“I can’t wait to meet her someday,” He said almost dreamily.

She smiled and stroked Bradley’s cheek, the one with all of the scars. There was once a time when she wanted to kiss every one of those scars and make him feel as loved as he was. She did that last night as they tangled in the sheets.

“You’re going to love her,” Jose told him, “She’s amazing.”

“Just like her mom, I’m sure.”

A blush rose on Jose’s cheeks. She wasn’t used to being complimented in the way that Bradley always seemed to make her believe it. It’d been years since she’d heard him, and now she wasn’t sure how she was going to let him walk out of her door again. The last time he swore he’d never be back, what if this turned into a one time deal and she never saw him again?

How would she be able to breathe without him again? She didn’t like being dependent on people, but she felt like she needed Bradley in her life to feel complete. Like he was some sort of missing piece that she didn’t know she needed until he was gone again.

“It feels complete when you’re here,” She mumbled, chasing his lips again.

“I know, baby, I know,” He seemed to agree, “It just feels right being here with you. I don’t know how I’m going to leave you again.”

“I don’t know how I’m going to let you go,” She replied, “If I didn’t have Wren…”

“But you do, and I’m so glad that you do, sweetheart,” He shushed her gently, “She’s your world. And maybe one day she can be a very big part of mine.”

“I’d like nothing more.”

He grinned, the smile stretching across his whole face. They were locked into an embrace, clutching onto one another as if the other would disappear. Maybe he would…just disappear into the skies. Or maybe he would come back to them and they could be a little family again. Maybe she could have the life she wanted with Bradley and everything would turn out okay.

His phone rang from her dresser, causing him to groan. He let go and stretched over, reaching for the device. His shoulders sank when he read the message on it.

“I have to go, like right now,” He sighed, “I wish we had more time.”

“We will,” Jose swore, “We’ll have all the time in the world.”

He nodded and bent down to kiss her again. When they pulled apart, she reached for her robe again, tying it around her waist before following him through the house. It felt strange to be doing this after all this time. Yet it also felt right somehow. If they were leaving things like this, this would be the right way to do it.

“I’ll come back to you,” He promised, dropping his forehead to rest against hers, “I’ll come back to both of you.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” She tried to joke, “Fly safe.”

“I always do.”

“I love you, Bradley.”

He kissed her softly, his mustache tickling her lips, “I love you so much Jose.”

“Come back to me,” She begged him, “Come back home.”

“I will, my love. I promise.”

With that he was climbing into his rental car and driving away, taking Jose’s heart with him. She had her hand over her heart, trying to feel the steady beating of it, hoping it would help ground her. But it did little to help.

But she knew that Wren would be home soon, and that would give her purpose. Wren was her whole life. Her everything. Her life wouldn’t have nearly as much purpose without having Florence. She couldn’t imagine life without her.

So when she heard Jake pulling into the driveway she couldn’t help but smile and run towards the front door to hug her daughter. Wren came bursting through the door, yelling for her mother. Jose dropped to her knees and held her arms wide open.

“Were you good for Uncle Jake and Auntie Nat?”

“Yes ma’am!” Wren cheered, “We had twea pwarty”

“A tea party? That sounds like fun.”

“It was honestly,” Jake said from behind you, “Get kiddo, why don’t you take your bag in your room. Your mama and I need to talk for a minute.”

“Otay!”

Jose stood and turned around, crossing her arms out of habit, “What’s up?”

“Phoe told me something last night and I need you to not be mad,” He said carefully, “I wouldn’t be able to handle it if you were mad at us.”

“Jake, what’s up? What’s wrong?”

He looked nervous, so nervous. He picked at his hands and wouldn’t make eye contact with her, he was even chewing on his lips. Jose hadn’t seen him like this in years. It was making her worried, something had to be wrong. Maybe something happened with Wren overnight?

“You’re scaring me, Jake,” Jose took a step forward and put a hand on his arm.

“She’s pregnant,” Jake blurted out, “Fuck, she’s pregnant.”

“I know.”

“Are you mad? God please don’t be mad. I can’t handle this if you’re mad at me,” He rambled on, “I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. I don’t know how to be a dad, I’m barely a good uncle. How do I be a father?”

“Jake,” Jose said softly, “Calm down. It’s okay.”

“You aren’t mad?” He questioned.

Jose’s heart nearly broke. He looked so wounded, so scared. So Jose reached out and hugged him tightly. As tightly as she could, he slowly started to relax in her arms. She thought back to how she was when she first moved out here, and how Jake comforted her.

“I’m not mad, Jakey,” She whispered, “How could I be mad about this?”

“Because you always wanted more kids,” He said, as if that was the only reason that mattered, “We weren’t even trying.”

“Jake, you’re going to be a dad, how could I be mad about that? You’re going to be an amazing father.”

“I don’t know how to be a good dad,” he stated, “Mine is shit.”

“Yeah, he is, which is why you’re going to be amazing,” She replied, “And you’re an amazing Uncle, which is an even better reason as to why you’re going to be amazing.”

“How do you know?”

“Because you told me the same thing when I was pregnant with Wren,” She replied honestly, “You told me I would be so much better than my mother, because I’d never want my kid to go through the same things that I did.”

“I have no idea what I’m doing,” he admitted.

“No parent ever does,” She shrugged in response, “We just have to hope we don’t screw our kids up too badly and do our best.”

“Seems like there should be more to it,” He groaned.

“I’ll loan you both some of the parenting books I read while I was pregnant, but for the most part it’s trial and error.”

“I don’t do well with that.”

Jose could hear Wren playing in the other room, talking to her teddy bear that Jake bought her before she was even born. Yes, she always wanted more children, but she was beyond happy to have Wren. She wouldn’t trade her for a minivan full of kids.

“Are you happy about this?” Jose asked Jake.

He stopped for a moment before a smile broke out across his face, “I’m over the fucking moon. I can’t wait to see Nat as a mom, I know she’s going to be amazing.”

“No doubt the primal part of you can’t wait to see her really pregnant,” Jose joked.

“That too. Fuck, we did that, you know? Like we’ve created this whole new life.”

“I know, it’s crazy to think about,” Jose agreed, “I remember how stunned I was when Wren started moving and I could feel her. It became real all of the sudden.”

“I’m gonna have a kid,” He said, a stunned smile on his face.

“Yeah, Jake, you are.”

Wren picked that time to come running back out with a piece of paper in her hands. She ran to Jake and tugged on the leg of his jeans. He smiled down at her before bending down so he was on eye level. That was one thing he always did, he got on eye level with her so he was never talking down to her. It always made Jose smile, no matter what was going on.

“What’s up, munchkin?” He questioned, combing through her wild hair.

“I dwew you somfing,” She held up her paper, with colorful squiggles all over it.

“What’s this? Huh? You wanna tell me about it?” He asked her, gently grabbing the paper from her.

“You fwying!” She cheered, pointing to the top of the page, “And Mawma and me and Auntie Nat watching!”

“That’s amazing, Kiddo! Can I put this in my locker at work so I can look at it before I fly everyday?” He asked, to which she nodded quickly.

“Show everyone?” She asked.

“Yeah Munchkin, I’ll show them all! Gotta show off something my favorite girl made,” He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head, “I love you, Wrennie.”

“I wuvs you!”

She placed a big wet kiss on Jake’s cheek and smiled as big as she could before turning around and running off again. Jose’s heart was warm from watching the two of them interact. She couldn’t help but wonder how Bradley would be around her, would she like him? Would he like her?

“I saw Bradshaw driving away,” Jake mentioned slowly, “You wanna talk about that?”

“Do you want to hear about it?” Jose raised an eyebrow.

“Based off of the freshly fucked look you have, I don’t think so,” Jake gagged, “Are you two a thing again?”

“Yeah…I think we are.”

“Good, it’s about damn time y’all sorted it out.”

Jake was right, it was about damn time.

#bradley bradshaw #bradley rooster bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw imagine #rooster top gun #rooster bradshaw imagine #top gun #top gun maverick #rooster bradshaw fanfiction #rooster bradshaw fic #bradley rooster bradshaw imagines #bradley rooster bradshaw x oc #bradley rooster bradshaw imagine #Bradley rooster Bradshaw #bradley bradshaw fic #bradley bradshaw fanfiction

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frompearl · 3 months

Text

Mrs. Afton’s Daily Life: TWO

Warnings: Unedited

Free Accounting Classes at the local Community College.

(Mondays and Thursdays)

9:00 a.m - 1:00 p.m

Class starts September 05, 1979 and ends May 10, 1980

ALL OUR WELCOME

You stare at one of the flyers near the checkout lane of the grocery. E/C eyes glance at the calendar placed in front of the checkout lane. The date displayed in big bold red letters is “August 25, 1979”.

‘It hasn’t started yet…’ you think to yourself hopefully, biting on your bottom lip.

After dropping off both your sons at school, you stopped by the grocery store to buy the food for the week.

Being the big man that he was, William often ate more than the rest of your tiny family. It wasn’t his fault but food often finished quickly and trips to the grocery were frequent. Not to mention, you also had to feed three growing children that were going to eat more as they grew older. As you both waited in line, you were playing with your little baby.

Dangling your car and house keys in front of her face as she watched, mesmerized by the shiny object. She would grab onto them and you’d have to stop the sweet girl from putting them in her mouth.

Then you saw the flyer. All your attention zeroed in on its contents.

Your children’s school didn’t start till 8:30 am and you usually picked them up around 2:30 pm. On Fridays they would get out at 12:30 pm. If you scheduled your time right, you could still do your duties as a housewife and mother. It all just depended on great planning.

Your teeth dig into your plump lip, anticipation rolling off of you in waves.

After dropping them off, you could probably drop Elizabeth off with the sweet old lady a couple blocks down the street. Then you’d be gone in the accounting class. Back in college you were interested in majoring in anything business-related but were unable to explore more because of your expulsion.

Elizabeth looks at you curiously, wondering why her mom stopped paying her attention.

One of her chubby hands curls itself around your manicured fingers. The tight baby grip, snapping you away from a hopeful dream. William wouldn’t approve of it and taking care of two children and a baby would definitely make being a student difficult. And you nearly spent a decade outside of any colleges, surely adjusting back into the student rhythm would be difficult.

‘Difficult but not impossible,’ an encouraging voice says in the back of your head.

“Honey, would you like a bag with that?” The middle aged woman asks you behind the counter. Her kind eyes noticed how you glanced at the college advertisement.

“Are you considering joining?” She smiles at you kindly, your cheeks flush in embarrassment at being caught.

“O-oh. I don’t know…it definitely seems advantageous plus it’s free..”

Her honey brown eyes glint in excitement,

“You definitely should! I’m one of the assistant teachers by the way. Despite being free, the material being taught is the same as any other colleges. The professor is a very kind man that is excellent in teaching. There are also many other free classes available that haven’t started yet, if you’re interested!” The blonde woman’s grin widens as unwillingly the corners of your mouth start to lift.

“There is..?” You say with awe, e/c eyes sparkling. Chuckling at your amazed expressions, she hands you a flier.

“Yup! If you’d like I can help you sign up. My name’s Donna by the way.” She offers you a handshake. You accept her hand feeling the soft wrinkly skin of her hand.

“Y/N. Y/N Afton.”

Her eyebrows raise to her forehead, “say you wouldn’t be related to that grumpy man William Afton? One of the co-owners at Freddy’s?”

Embarrassed you shake your head, it seems William's unpleasant character was commonly known.

“I wouldn’t say we're related. He’s my husband.”

Like the woman from the school her eyes flash with pity before they brighten up again.

“Oh~? Well isn't he a lucky fella?” You giggle at her praise, feeling bashful of being praised by an older woman.

She then turns her attention to Elizabeth with a coo, “and who might you be?~”

The baby babbles at her, big e/c eyes zeroed in on the red nail polish of her long nails, making grabby hands at it.

“This is Elizabeth. She’s only a year old but she’s quite active for her age.” You say playing with one of the bows in her hair.

“Aww~! I remember when my Susie was that age. I wish they stayed that small forever instead of growing up quickly. Now my little girl is starting kindergarten!”

Smiling at the woman you let out a carefree laugh, “you and me both!”

Both you and Donna exchange numbers, she talks to you more about the accounting class and her daughter as she packs your groceries. When she’s finished you both settle on meeting up soon at the community college so that she can help you sign up.

By the time you leave the store, you’re smiling so hard that your cheeks hurt.

Elizabeth, also influenced by your good behavior, claps her small hands at you. Grinning at her, you lean in to press a big fat kiss on her cheek that makes her squeal.

While you pack the groceries by the truck of your car, you make sure to hide the flier in your purse. Taking extra measures to fold it into a small square and burying it at the bottom of your bag.

Once satisfied, you buckle in Elizabeth and drive back home. Singing along to Abba, “Dancing Queen,” while Elizabeth continued to clap her hands at her mothers singing.

For the first time in almost a decade, you felt more alive. As if that once ambitious eighteen-year-old girl with big plans for her life never died the day you were expelled. She was always there, waiting for you to get back on track.

#yandere x you #yandere #yandere x reader #fnaf x you #fnaf x reader #william afton x reader #william afton #tw.yandere

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mariaofdoranelle · 1 year

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i saw this meme on ig about how someone got in trouble for “destruction of government property” because she gave her husband (who is in the marines) a hickey that was visible in uniform — now i have no idea how this would fit into look at us now but it could be a fun add eventually 😂

DEAR ANON, I LOVE YOU

Look at Us Now — Ch. 3.5: Strip Away My Conscience

Fic masterlist

I have a good chunk of ch. 5 written, but got completely sidetracked by this prompt lol I hope you like it. Just reminding you that this happens very early into the fic.

Warnings: NSFW, language, illicit hickeys

Words: 2,8k

“I texted Sellene. She’s coming to visit,” Fenrys said while chewing.

Rowan nodded. “When?”

“Now.”

Taking a deep breath, Rowan faced away from his dinner to glare at his roommate. “Tell me you did not ask my very pregnant cousin to come here just because you felt like it.”

“Rowie Bowie…” Fenrys sighed, his voice disappointed while he used the most unserious nickname imaginable. “We need to have a serious conversation.”

“Okay…” Rowan trailed. Fenrys’ serious conversations could be anywhere from a food craving to an actual serious conversation.

“Imagine you’re the most amazing housewife you’ve ever seen.”

Rowan hummed, weighing his answer carefully. Fenrys’ games could be a dangerous thing. “The picture-perfect type, or the Big Little Lies type?”

“Picture-perfect. Funny, gorgeous, long blonde hair. Amazing roommate.”

“Are you describing the housewife, Sellene or yourself?” He eyed his friend warily. This description also fit Aelin, but Fenrys didn’t know about Rowan’s—affair? Entanglement? Fling?—with her.

“The housewife. Which is me. Let me finish—“

“You know you have to actually do something around the house to be considered a housewife, right?”

Fenrys threw a napkin at Rowan. “Asshole. I’m a great housewife. Now let me finish.”

“Go on.” He snorted and focused back on dinner. Rowan had made meat on a stick today, and he wouldn’t let his food go cold because of Fenrys’ nonsense.

“So, picture this. You’re a housewife. You and your husband don’t have sex—“

“This is getting weird.”

Fenrys shushed him. “You and your husband don’t have sex, but you tell each other everything. Then…” he placed both hands on the table and leaned closer. “He starts getting home late. For weeks. Until, one day, he comes home with a hickey. What would you say?”

Rowan stopped mid-bite, then chewed it slowly, buying himself time. Considering Fenrys told he was the housewife, and Rowan had been arriving home late, this could be tricky. He had little to no idea what this was about, though.

“I’d say this hypothetical husband could be having a hypothetical affair.”

“Exactly!” Fenrys was gesticulating a lot, a telltale sign of his agitation. “And considering that the husband always tells the wife everything—“

An incoming call from Rowan’s mom interrupted the conversation.

That’s weird. This was an unusual time for his mom to call.

Did something happen?

Rowan grabbed his phone as fast as he could, heartbeat picking up with the realization that this could be an emergency.

“Mom?” He blurted without even excusing himself to take the call.

“Son, you are in so much trouble.” Rowan’s shoulders loosened up, now that she seemed okay. His mom didn’t sound relaxed, though. “I cannot believe I have to learn from Sellene that you have a girlfriend!”

Rowan’s whole body stopped. He looked at his phone as if he could see his mom through it. What the hell was going on inside Rory Whitethorn’s head?

“Mom, I don’t have a—“

“It was about time, honey! Every time before I go to bed, I pray and ask Mala to—“

“I’m not dating anyone, mom!”

“Well, then why did Sellene call me to tell she’s going to help you hide a hickey with makeup?”

“A hickey?” Rowan rubbed his neck with a full hand. “Why do you think I have a hickey?”

It was Fenrys’ booming laugh that made his mind go blank and restart.

Rowan’s stomach dropped.

He snatched his friend’s phone from the table, swiped to open the camera and, indeed, there was a gigantic hickey on the base of his neck.

What the hell.

“…I’ll be waiting for you to send me a picture of her after we hang up. And you never confirmed if you’re visiting for Beltane. Are you bringing her with you?”

Rowan swore internally. His mom wasn’t the type to pressure him too much, but the closer he got to thirty, the more hopeful she got about his love life.

“Mom, I don’t think I’m bringing anyone. Or sending pictures.” He sighed. “It’s not serious, okay?”

“Oh.” A pause. “Well, sometimes these things take time. You’re still taking her on dates, right?”

He didn’t answer.

“Rowan.”

“What, mom?”

“You are taking her on dates, aren’t you? Paying dinner. Making sure she gets home safe.”

Silence stretched.

“Rowan Whitethorn, this is not how I raised you!” Her voice raised to a strident, inherently mom tone that gave him war flashbacks from his teenage years. “You’re practically thirty years old! You need to stop fooling around and at least look for someone to settle down with…”

He let his mom keep scolding him and ran to the living room when he heard the bell ring. And just like she told him, Sellene was waiting on the other side of the door, holding a bag that he assumed had makeup inside.

She gave him a side hug and leaned closer to his phone. “Hi, Auntie Ro!”

His mother finally stopped lecturing him. “Hi, dear! Glad you made it alright. How’s the baby?”

“Way too comfortable in here, I want her out!” Sellene had an exasperated tone, but patted her pregnant belly affectionately.

He said goodbye to his mom while Fenrys greeted his cousin, then they all sat on the couch.

“Was it a beast?” Sellene asked.

Rowan tilted his head. “What?”

“The thing that bit you on the neck.”

Fenrys’ loud cackle boomed in the living room, followed by Sellene’s.

Rowan groaned. “You’re never gonna let me live this down, aren’t you?”

His cousin slowly shook her head. “Not a chance in hell.” She turned to his roommate. “Thank you, Fenrys, for telling me the juicy gossip and saving Rowan’s ass.”

He made a mock bow in response right before Sellene moved to sit by Rowan’s side and opened her makeup bag.

“I want my things back as soon as this bruise fades out.”

Rowan tried to not look annoyed. He was grateful his cousin was here to help him, but he wasn’t comfortable with this whole situation. Besides, why wouldn’t he return her makeup?

“That’s too bad. I was thinking of keeping your mascara.”

Sellene affectionately slapped the back of his head.

“For when you get another hickey, asshole. Now let me see which foundation matches your skin tone better.” A beat. “And give Fenrys your phone. We need to record this so you can do it again in the morning.”

Rowan took a deep breath, tried to relax and let Sellene do her thing.

This was nothing more than a reminder that he should end whatever was going on with Aelin. She’s his student, she has a boyfriend she’s lying to him about, and having sex inside any military base is a crime.

This fling was a fucking dead-end street.

And yet, Rowan knew he would be waiting for her at his office tomorrow evening.

˜˜

“Watch those steps!” He barked.

Rowan rubbed his neck and shoulders, trying to get rid of the stiffness there. He didn’t understand why did his students’ performance get ten times worse when they were marching in the rain.

”Allsbrook! You’re walking like Michael Jackson, watch your knees!”

The young man turned to Rowan, and his eyes widened a second later. Then his step faltered, nearly colliding with the recruit behind him.

“Don’t look at me, look ahead!”

They had been doing this for a whole month now, why in hell were his students looking at him so much? Even Aelin, for Mala’s sake.

“Forty on the floor after the march ends!”

It’ll easily become fifty push-ups or more if it stops raining, but his students already know that.

After both classes from this afternoon were done, Lorcan texted him asking to meet before he left the base. It was probably something about his schedule. What he couldn’t stop thinking about was this situation with Aelin.

What was supposed to be a one-night stand became an illicit affair, and now he was knee-deep into this shit. Fenrys knew, and he’d never drop this until he knew what was going on. Sellene knew. His mom knew.

Deep down, Rowan knew he needed to end it. As much as he knew he wouldn’t.

Worst case scenario, they’d stop in five weeks, when Aelin’s basic training ends and she leaves to the hospital, a whole block away from him.

Rowan shook these thoughts off and entered Lorcan’s office.

“You said you wanted to see me—“

“Whitethorn!” Lorcan stood up from his chair with both hands on the desk. “Tell me why the fuck is every newbie and their mother talking about this fucking vampire bite you have on.”

Fuck.

Rowan’s eyes widened, and he immediately put a hand above the purple spot.

“That’s not supposed to be there.”

“No shit.”

Groaning, he sat on the chair before Lorcan. “I mean, I covered it with makeup before coming to work. Sellene taught me and all.”

“You did a shit job at it. I can see everything.” He slowly sat back, eyeing Rowan warily. “You done for today?”

Rowan nodded in response.

“‘Kay. Don’t let anyone else see this, you hear me? Especially high-rank. You fucked up real bad.”

“I told you, it was supposed to be covered,” Rowan said through his teeth.

Rowan’s pulse was thundering between his tight muscles. He wasn’t mad at Lorcan, though. He was mad at himself.

He didn’t know if it was the rain, his sweat or something else that made the makeup fade, but that hickey shouldn’t even be there in the first place. Committing a disciplinary trangression like this, putting his career at risk, was a lot more than whatever he had with Aelin was worth.

“This is destruction of government property, you know.”

“What?” Rowan tilted his head. That was a way to snap him out of his thoughts.

“You.” Lorcan pointed with his index finger. “Are government property. This.” He pointed at Rowan’s hickey. “Is a transgression. Now you’ll leave base without letting anyone see you, and when you get home, you’ll tell that vampire you keep in your dungeon to stop damaging government property. And do better makeup tomorrow”

He nodded, understanding a command from a superior when he saw one, but still added, “There’s no vampire in my dungeon.”

Lorcan scoffed, “Then who’s the girl?”

There’s the problem with being friends with your boss. One minute he’s scolding you, the other he’s prying about your love life.

“There’s no girl.”

“A dude, them?”

Rowan groaned. “Okay, there’s a girl. I’m not talking about it.”

“It looks like she was trying to suck your soul out of your body from that spot, man.”

He bit his lip, forcing himself to not laugh and hoping his cheeks didn’t blush. That was a weirdly close description of what he and Aelin were doing last night.

His conversation with Lorcan wasn’t as scrutinizing as the one he had last night, though. He thanked Mala his friend wasn’t a big gossip as he left his office.

And went to his own.

It wasn’t to see if Aelin would be still waiting for him. He just needed to drop a things off first. Rowan’s body definitely didn’t relax when he saw her in a spot close to his office, but not so close so it wouldn’t raise suspicion.

“What took you so long?” She asked after looking around to check that the hall was empty.

He unlocked the door to his office, and only answered when they were both locked inside.

“Captain Salvaterre wanted to see me.”

“Was it about the hickey?” Aelin clamped her lips together, but the ends of it were still tugging up.

Rowan frowned. “That’s not funny.”

“It is a little.” Her giggle was as tiny as the tug Rowan felt in his chest. He heard her moaning quite often, but not her giggles. It was a good sound.

Rowan loosened her hair and tugged, tilting her chin up.

“I’m fucking that sass right out of you.”

Her breath hitched. “Please.”

Rowan pressed their lips together in a long, all-consuming kiss, feeling all the weight on his shoulders leave with a flick of her tongue. He had one hand still on the back of her head, while they used the other to fumble with each other’s clothes. Sometimes opening, sometimes groping. Aelin tasted like opioids and nicotine and everything addictive in the world, flavored with the grapefruit mouthwash she used.

She broke the kiss to fully take her clothes off and sit on the edge of his desk, and Rowan took it as a cue to kiss her lower. He trailed kisses on her collarbone and worked on her breasts, until he pinched one nipple and—

She winced.

Rowan immediately stopped. No matter how rough they got, and a wince was never his response.

“Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry.” Aelin frowned at her boobs. “They’re a little tender. I must be getting my period soon.”

He resumed his caresses, gently kissing and licking her breasts while one hand slipped between her folds. “Is that better?”

She whimpered. “Very.”

Rowan slid her closer to the edge of the table and got on his knees, lazily kissing her thighs until he gave a long lick on her slit. Aelin’s breath hitched, and she wrapped her legs around his neck.

Gripping her hips with both hands, Rowan savored her with long and slow flicks of his tongue. She grabbed fistfuls of his hair and choked him with her thighs, but it only turned him on more. She moaned and wriggled against his mouth as he wrapped his lips against her clit, and when Rowan plunged a finger into her, Aelin tapped his shoulder.

“I want your cock,” her beg was a little too breathy.

Rowan grabbed a condom from his drawer, picked Aelin up and took her to the couch he brought just to fuck that pretty cunt of hers.

He sat on the couch still holding her, rolled the condom down and let Aelin take the lead. After letting Aelin guide him towards her entrance, he covered her mouth with one hand, grabbing her waist with the other.

She held herself with both hands on his arms and sank down, moaning against his hand as Rowan stretched her all the way.

Aelin’s pace was slow even after it didn’t need to be anymore. She was riding him in slow, provocative moves, throwing her chest out and showing off all her curves with an arched back. It made his body burn even more for her, muscles tightening with anticipation to fuck her the way he wanted.

“You’re teasing.” He slapped her ass.

She gasped, closing her eyes and opening her mouth in a sensual O. Then said, “Maybe I like teasing you.” Aelin opened her eyes and put one hand around his neck, squeezing and tilting so she could see his hickey. “And I really, really like that mark on your neck.”

When she squeezed her walls against his cock, Rowan lost it. He held her up, threw her against the couch’s armrest so she was lying on her stomach, and buried himself inside her.

His pace was as hungry for her as he felt. Every day, all day. Right now, he felt no shame about whatever they were or what he was doing. He’d keep it as long as Aelin kept kissing around his sense of right and wrong.

Rowan pulled her hair, spanked her ass and slammed into her all at once. The way she cried out pierced through him, marking his very soul. He still had to muffle it with his hand, though.

Their frenetic pace got even more frenzied when Aelin sobbed his name and held on to whatever she could. Rowan pressed her clit and she clenched around him in response, one pushing the other over the edge. He went limp over her for a second before giving her room to sit beside him.

“That was…”

Rowan nodded. “Yeah.”

Just like he predicted, he didn’t have one bone in his body that felt ready to end things with her. To do what he should do. This would be the perfect moment, and he was her superior. He could just ask her to stop seeking him and go on about his life.

However, Rowan wasn’t the first, neither would he be the last man to be ruined by his own dick.

“Rowan?”

He turned his face to her, catching sight of the slightly damp, sweaty ends of her golden hair, and how it framed her heavy breasts.

“I’m sorry about the hickey. I might’ve gotten carried away, I’ll…” Aelin bit her lip, cheeks flushing even further. “Restrain myself next time.”

Rowan waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. Just be careful. Apparently, you’re destroying government property.”

Aelin cackled, head tilted back towards the ceiling while her shoulders shook.

“Is that what he told you?”

“Yes.” Rowan snorted. “The property doesn’t mind, but you know how the government works.”

”Do you think the government will be upset if I destroy its property a little more?” Aelin had a troublesome smirk on, eyes glinting as she sat on his lap.

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rayshippouuchiha · 1 year

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I just need a moment to scream about Ranna 1/2. It's my first intro to Gender Bender stuff and that, Huh, am I Really a girl? Moments. I love the world building that we could see in the .... Product of it's Time shonen plot? Like, the acceptable humor of it's time but now horribly grates against my LGBTQ+ and gender equality sensibilities makes it a bit of a tragedy for me. Because the author had so many amazing ideas but they covered it in leecher humor when there were So Many ways it could have been a masterpiece? I mean, it was the 70s (I think?) so obviously there wouldn't be very many open-minded concepts from then but it still hurts, almost.

The gender and animal changing pools, the matriarchal Amazons, the Phoenix and Mollusc Tribes, Ranma's mom Nodoka (who really needs to kill her husband and stop scaring her kid) who is a complete badass (I'm sure Genma (the asshole who should've died on his "training trip") went on the trip because he was scared of her, the fic fodder that Ranma's training trip can give you, the Angst of Ranma's Nekoken (Genma deserved to die for that alone, death by cats asshole 🤬) and his possible grandma figure, the "Rivalry" between him and Ryouga (I'm pretty sure if Ryouga knew gay was a thing, he'd be one) over Ranma not making it to their fight because Ryouga got Lost (there's tons of fics right there for his Lost Trips, the Hibiki's are Directionally Cursed™).

My absolute fav fics are the Trans/Gender fluid Ranma ones. When they're on that journey, too. Just learning who they are. When I'm feeling shippy, then Ranma/Ryouga because they have a Connection. But Ranma xovers so easily. His girl form could be made into so many different Magical Girls (Sailor Moon, Wedding Peach, Tokyo Mew Mew, Cardcaptor Sakura, Shugo Chara, etc.) And his mom! She has no background beyond being a kickass swordswoman and housewife. She can be anything! She just made 3 bad choices. 1: marrying Genma, 2: letting Genma take Ranma on their training trip, 3: pretending that she'll hold Ranma to the contract he signed with his handprint at 3 to become a Man™.

I can't believe that Nadoka would kill Ranma over having a girl form like Genma thinks (but she would kill Genma). She was way too happy to spend time with Ranko (Ranma's go to name for his girl half) and mothering her. I fully believe she'd just be like, You're a woman, too, now so you need to be the Best Woman™ now, too. And just do Girl Bonding. Y'know, teaching Ranma how to look after themselves (cooking, cleaning, financials, more than the same clothes every day), shopping, and of course Swords. Nadoka deserves to pass on her Skills™.

I hate that all of Ranma's fiancees (that he only has because Genma kept selling his son for shit before leaving) are determined to marry him. They all click with Ranma on some level, but more like friends who just happen to be girls rather than wife material. Like, I feel bad for them, but they keep blaming Ranma for all the fiancees when they should be pissed at Genma for selling his son to so many people. Which is probably why I ship Ranma/Ryouga so freaking badly.

Both Cursed, both Amazing Martial Artists, Childhood Friends (for a while in middle school, Ranma's job was to escort Ryouga to class so he wouldn't get Lost and miss school), an actual Friendship to build on. I'm pretty sure Ryouga defaulted to Eternal Enemies over their missed fight because why else would he be so upset and feel so strongly over a missed fight with his best friend?

Anyways, sometimes I just get Feels about Ranma and I had to say it.

Ranma is a classic for a reason

#RayRambles #Ranma 1/2

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pearlgisa · 10 months

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qala and the style over substance argument

so, i watched qala (dir. by anvita dutt) immediately when it came out - a story that exposed the music industry and the position of women in it, especially focusing on the toxic nature of indian classical music? it was like they made the film for me (someone who's spent a good chunk of their life trained in hindustani classical music). however, i was sorely disappointed.

in essence, qala, along with other films that did commercially well that came out in bollywood last year, solidified my understanding that the audience of today's generation of movie-watchers genuinely puts style over substance and in fact, uses it as a way to defend their favourite movies from criticism. the recent resurgence of praise for om shanti om of all films, only strengthened this opinion.

my criticisms for qala are in plenty, yet i will choose to expand on the ones that strike out the most to me, all of which range from the lightest to the harshest criticism:

the choice of music

the acting

the direction + writing

the handling of the serious issues that are the main theme of the film

before you read ahead, please know that there are spoilers.

in indian classical music, there are two distinct forms: hindustani (or, north indian) and carnatic (or south indian) music. each have their differences and similarities and even someone who hasn't trained can tell them apart upon listening. within hindustani music - which is the genre of music that qala learns from her mother - you have many different styles of singing, ranging from shastriya sangeet (classical form of singing) to laghu sangeet (semi-classical and sometimes, light music). of course, this categorization also has its roots in religion and caste. shastriya sangeet has forms of singing like dhrupad (the oldest form and a strictly devotional medium), khyal (the most common one, telling tales or speaking of human emotions), bhajan (also a devotional medium), etc.

laghu sangeet has forms of classical music like the thumri, a form of singing popularized and invented by courtesans. the lyrics were sensual, romantic and more explicit. of course, owing to these, they were looked down upon. even the british had a huge role in diminishing the status of indian women performers. the "other woman" concept was specifically one that they propagated and the rise of the "perfect housewife" phenomena began since the seventeenth century. the extreme effect of that? the courtesans lost out on their patrons and were forced into prostitution.

hence, that was the primary history behind qala's mother, urmila, shaming her into never being a performer, i.e, in a more derogatory term, a "singing girl". a courtesan, essentially. which is accurate, considering the film is set in the 1940s. if a girl was too "out there in the world", i.e, her achievements being publicised in newspapers or her getting recognition for her academics, her future marital prospects were ruined. and the "shame" that befell the family if she was learning music or dance was worse. a significant number of the prominent female musicians that emerged from this era of pre-independence to post-independence were unmarried. or they had many patrons and salacious rumours regarding their love life were in plenty. the film pakeezah (1972) explores such themes quite well. and the many renditions and retellings of devdas also serve as a good example of the stature of performing women.

however, it's the music itself where it goes wrong for me. the choice of songs as well as qala's singing (of course, all of qala's songs are sung by the amazing sireesha bhagavatula), is in a style all too similar to laghu singing. the years of egregious training, no matter how much her mother dismissed her, would've developed a voice which would've sounded a lot more like what a lot of classical singers would sound like, unless they were singing a lighter form of singing. and it isn't a matter of pitch or using falsetto. qala's mom is referred to as a master of qawallis, which is a sufi form of devotional singing (and comes well under hindustani music too). even the lyrics of qala's songs, while full of very obvious foreshadowing, do not match the overall orthodox classical upbringing that the film portrays.

while bhagavatula has an amazing voice well versed in classical music (especially since she sings bhajans so often), considering the time that qala was set in, you would've expected a sound similar to something along the lines of noor jehan or even roshan ara begum. instead, it sounds a lot like a mix of semi-classical instrumental with a more pop-based voice. which is easier for our generation to digest and consume, however, it comes at the cost of a sound which is very typical of the 50s-70s era of bollywood.

one that qala does right are the costumes. they do their job well. not the sets as much, which i will get into later. at some points, they are well in line with the rest of the era of the film, other times it just sticks out like a sore thumb. here's where the "symbolism" comes in.

one of the most jarring examples is the song qala sings at the first performance, a very light classical song just by the sound of the vocals. even the song jagan sings is very contemporary at its core. despite the characters having an allegedly strict, traditional schooling of music (jagan's voice is devoid of the typical heavy accent or dialects that those who are from underprivileged backgrounds tends to have), the songs at hand present a very modern take on qawallis, despite bollywood being a flourishing ground for many iconic qawallis. therefore, the compositions sometimes falter at some points specifically because of the vocal choices. choosing to do away with alaaps, especially in qala's part, less aakar and more bariki, are all signficant details that feel jarring to someone who's lived in the world of classical music as long as qala. otherwise, there are some signature sounds retained from the era that the film is set in.

and while still on the topic of singing, a very important issue that i find least addressed is the acting of it. despite there being little vocal variations in the compositions, the actors don't show that they are singing. and in the film specifically revolving around music, that's an extremely important detail that i find amiss. hardly opening the mouth, the movement of the lips, the posture as well as the hand gestures (yes, a very important detail!), are all obvious flaws. a recent film that does that does those details well is the disciple (2020). the first scene of urmila teaching qala singing displays urmila wearing an elaborate piece of nose jewellery that covers half of her mouth, and that's when they're doing rehyaas (practice), not a performance. it's huge details like these that don't sell the film to me.

the acting is quite underwhelming and here is where disagreements with my opinions might enter. i find trupti dimri's rendition of qala extremely, for lack of politer words, exasperating. she tends to show the same expressions for all of her problems, i.e., there is no great difference between her feeling anger or feeling despair or feeling depressed or feeling cheated or just plain exhaustion. qala's character is a complex one and difficult to act, which is a concession i will give, however, the hype around her is a little unnerving when the audience is given such an unremarkable delivery of dialogues and emotion. it comes off as school-play acting at times. swastika mukherjee, who plays urmila, is quite two-note with her acting, which sometimes suits her character and sometimes just feels very low-effort. babil khan has his moments, yet there is such less versatility. you'd think the babil of qala's hallucinations and the one who existed in real life would have some distinct characteristics (which they do), but they never come off as that. it feels so half-hearted at times.

the whole point of symbolism is that it's subtle at heart and not on the face. qala has on-the-face symbolism, which is an irony in itself. the black swan scene, the frosty room in the beginning, the ghostly jagan, etc. almost made me bump my nose into a wall. it comes off as pretentious at best, as if the viewer is stupid. it is also very off-putting in some scenes. for example, the black swan scene - there is very little buildup and it feels very predictable in the sense that "it all goes downhill from here". however, there is one scene which i like, which is the gargoyle one (a very traumatic scene, for those who recall, it is the one right before ghodey pe sawaar gets recorded for the final time). i think that is the most effective filmmaking in the entire film. the best thing about symbolism is always the subtlety. it makes the viewer keep coming back to pick up on something they might have missed in the first watch, it helps them pick up the pieces along the way instead of being able to tell the twists thirty minutes before they are revealed.

and one of the most egregious crimes of the entire film is the direction. here is where we get a little more technical (but just briefly, do not worry). the way it cuts from one scene to the next is like watching a poorly edited reel put out by the team of an out-of-touch marketing firm. the editing could have been better at many places. the writing falls flat specifically when it comes to the characters. i'm pretty sure on paper, the script must've been a delight to read. the story has so much potential - considering that it's based on two books, where there might've been even more depth given to the characters - it isn't new in any way but it offers a different, feminist perspective of the indian music industry. yet, the characters are paper thin on screen - in their ambitions, psychology and sociology. hence, urmila suddenly turning a new leaf in the last ten minutes of the film is something that feels wrong, because all along, she has been portrayed as a heartless mother. qala's actions make sense because her character has nearly always been rooted in self pity and rage. jagan is nothing without music. there is very little dimension to them apart from me summarizing their characters in one sentence with less than thirty words each.

that is why, the film feels even more half-hearted when it speaks of the issues that it centers around. all of these elements add up and make for a tiring watch. i gave qala a second chance, to be fair and omitted some of my pettier criticisms, yet the more serious ones remain. to a certain extent, it does aestheticize depression, which i have a huge issue with. however, baby steps as always with bollywood. it's no dear zindagi considering it is set in a different period with a different ending. however, the writing of the characters could've been so much better. a little more exploration of urmila's intentions would've given her so much depth. a few more interactions between qala and jagan might've given qala the chance to befriend him and not just see him a rival, thus intensifying the decision she took. the characters do not feel human, they are strictly white or black and qala being the anti-hero feels very off since it requires better writing and a stronger plot. and of course, much better acting.

however, qala re-opened up discussion of a nearly-always forgotten discourse - that of the position of women in music. and for achieving that bare minimum, i give it full credit. however, when there have been films with much better writing, characterization and cinematography in bollywood itself, with a similar theme, qala needs to be seen for what it contains than what it displays. just because it glitters, doesn't mean it's gold.

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