#i was literally SO fucking anxious but now i'm just super happy it seemed to go well

[ursifors]

thank you very much to everyone who showed up/stayed for the drawing stream, especially after all the technical difficulties!! i was super nervous at first (i was literally shaking while waiting in the discord voice chat before we got started) but i had a lot of fun, and everyone in chat was so nice ;u;

i hope my mic was okay and i hope i wasn't too awkward or annoying heh but i definitely had a lot of fun and if jeremy ever wants to do that again i am so down (maybe if he buys a new tablet in the future lol)

#logan speaks #i was literally SO fucking anxious but now i'm just super happy it seemed to go well

[cayrule]

literally just me babbling nothing interesting 🐢

tbh while I am anxious and hurt over the situation with my father, being in a new loving relationship is a genuinely shocking and unfamiliar experience in a v good way. i have a lot going for me right now which is excellent and if this thing with my dad ever gets resolved in either the form of having zero relationship with him or having a good relationship with him my life will be great. i'm incredibly happy with boyfriend and events that did not seem possible (marriage, kids) are now imminent. not soon necessarily but it's going to happen, we've got strategic plans laid out and y'all know how much I love a good strategic plan lol.

the thing is that my father is not good for me at this point in time! it's sad that it's taken me so much time to realize and accept this, but it tru. on the other hand, boyfriend is the most supportive and amazing person in my life except for my mom. i genuinely feel less scared and more safe and more capable of facing things in my life with him by my side. anyway yeag im in love and i want to spend my life with him and although it's v soon to say so, it's still true. i don't like to fuck around with these kinds of things. if i enter into a relationship i do not want to foresee an end date. so the fact that i don't with boyfriend makes me super happy.

education and career stuff is also going really well. my field placement for grad school got formally approved, i'm wrapping up my summer semester soon and starting autumn a few weeks later, orise is going super well and i'm starting a new project soon, and everything in my life really is lining up amazingly except for my dad. so he can go fuck himself i guess and i'm just going to enjoy every drop of life i can esp with boyfriend :)

#op

[valparzjournal]

Been feeling meh but changes are being made. <3

This blog is all over the place... what is new?

When I'm feeling low, I loooove to reframe on why. It could be my hormone imbalance (or my cycle), or my hashimotos, and all of those just connect to each other in some way. I have no idea, I'm not a doctor. It could be the fact that I was going to sleep so late this summer like between 12-1 in the morning and waking up at 9 or ten am. That's late for me. And my day seems soooo short after my work out. It could be the fact that I'm super alone. My husband is a truck driver and three weeks literally feels like 2 months when you're on your mental health journey. It's so long. I do have family close by but I have driving anxiety so I'm not going everyday BUT I have been going more often than before so the driving is becoming easier. (I'm grateful that I don't have to wait for my husband so he could drive me to my dad's.) OR the fact I'm eating dairy (haha). I know all of that is why I'm feeling low and really sad. But at the same time I'm really grateful. It just sucks to be sad because you have all of these great things in front of you and it seems like anxiety is saying "And? You're still not good enough. Do more." Or it can be saying irrational bullshit.

I was just watching Connor Franta's recent video about anxiety and he talks about having a gratitude journal. I started one when I got a membership with Silk and Sonder (not sponsored lol idk if I need to say that). If you haven't practice gratitude, I do suggest to start now. It reframes a lot of thoughts and perspective on life. At first it can start with that you're grateful for family and friends and then once you start getting a hand of it, you start being grateful so the smallest valuable things like "I'm grateful that I can work out and jog". (which has been a dream of mine to be able to jog again).

There is another mindful practice that I like that I saw on IG and it starts with "I get to...". I actually used it today because I went to go pick up my brother from work. I was grateful that I didn't tell my dad no when he asked. I was like "Yes I will go get him." But the fact that i have to drive soon spikes up my anxiety (that will be another post lol). It's not as bad as before but I still have to tell myself I'm fine I'm okay. And i'm trying so hard to stay present and think of something that will calm me down. So then I thought to myself "Hey, I get to pick up my brother from work. I get to see him today. I get to say hello to him." I just got emotional. It's funny because I cried in the car and he tried to sign me (he doesn't know sign) that he loves me and he told me with his voice and now I'm thinking "I'm so grateful that I get to hear my little brother tell me that he loves me." Those two practices go hand in hand. Another good one is write three or more things that happened each day or whenever you want to write them. I really need to get back on those practices because they did help me a lot.

All I'm trying to say that if you're feeling low or sad or anxious, everything will be okay. Everything won't happen over night. Take it one day at a time. Day by day. You have the right to live your life for you and you can do whatever you want that will make you happy and love life. You have to take risks so you can feel better and enjoy life again. I don't hate my life at all but I'm just not digging this chapter of my life. Is it a lot better than the chapter from a year ago? Fuck yeah!! I have to remember that I'm doing the best I can. I'm taking my vitamin D. I'm working out and challenging myself every week. I'm studying Spanish. I'm making over my guest bathroom to a Disney bathroom. I'm practicing driving when I can. I'm going to therapy and I'm eating well. I'm drinking my water. I'm freaking doing it. You're freaking doing it too. Be proud of yourself. It doesn't matter if people don't say it to you, you need to say it to yourself because it's only you at the end of the day. I'M PROUD OF YOU! <3

goodnight !!

#mental health journey #depression #anxiety #hashimoto's thyroiditis

[witheringvoice]

Thoughts: Do I Hate Myself?

TW: Depression-type stuff ig, not necessary vent. I'm literally just trying to figure something out lol

I just randomly said I hate myself in my head, you know, as sad individuals do sometimes lol

And then a new thought appeared in my brain...Do I hate myself?

Now you see, this should be easy to answer since I'm a self-deprecating little prick with very little confidence. But it isn't.

I've been started to gain more confidence...Not nearly as much as I want or probably need, but more nonetheless. A lot of it is cocky jokes or feigning my obvious superiority over everyone else in the world- BUT I CAN'T HELP LAUGHING OKAY???

I can't tell if I don't believe it for a second, or if it's just hearing me talk about myself in that way- Is just unfathomable.

Like I'm not even good with compliments, but I know I'm a pretty good writer, I'm supposedly very compassionate when I want to be...I'm quiet and kind I've been told. And I'm supposed to be pretty? I'm like- average but okay. I'm smart, I know I am, but I just don't believe it. I'M FUCKING LABELED HIGHLY CAPABLE, but my brain is just like, "Yeah no, I don't deserve that..." BUT I DO! Don't I?

I don't know.

Saying I hate myself feels like it's going too far. I'm not entirely proud of who I am, but I'm proud of how far I've come, even if it's not where I want to be yet. I've been trying to work on myself, that kind of thing. But I can't even say I'm indifferent about myself, and I know I'm not happy, or that I like myself. I don't know if I can say I dislike myself.

I don't like where I am, I'm insecure, self-conscious, depressed, anxious, oh my god there's so much I want to work on. It takes time, I know it does. But I'm fucking impatient. The circumstances I'm in don't give me much ability to work on myself though, or at least I don't know how to work on myself with the circumstances I have to deal with.

It's complicated. But, it's good that I can't truly believe I hate myself, right? There are things I like about myself, there are times I'm proud of myself, and there are times when I can find myself pretty alright, pretty decent. But I can't even say I don't like myself, or that I like myself, or that I'm indifferent. That, that doesn't seem so good. I don't know lol.

That is what I'm thinking about. Also, I haven't been watching anything, I read another fanfiction. I'm desperate for human interaction but I'm not talking to anyone. That's unhealthy lol

I spoke to my mom lol, only cuz I had to.

She keeps...I don't want to talk about it :/

I love you all even though nobody really sees my shit, I just, I love people. There's beauty in everything, I want to help people see that. I know most of my poems are vents, but I find them beautiful, beautifully pained, but beautiful. Even if they're nothing special, even if they're just a mess of all my words and hurt. I just...I'll talk about it more another time, I don't feel like getting super sad right now.

Take care for tonight <33

#thoughts #feelings #deep thoughts #emotions

[txicgf]

okay so turns out ive been feeling gross because i was about to have my period lol. vibes. i stayed the night at The Boy™'s house yesterday and as always we stayed up all night again and played video games and im sore now and i feel better for the most part? i know why i felt shitty and anxious and i know the truth and i don't have any real logical worries and i know that, but i think i still feel a little bit like im suffocating. i don't know, he says im fine and that im okay but idk. i feel like i care too much. maybe it's all just in my head and that's why ie feel like I'm too much lol. i haven't felt this specific way about someone in like literally 5 years lmao idk it's just. intense i guess . i look at him and i feel so much affection and comfort when he's around but i worry that im overdoing it again. i feel like im overdoing it and i am letting myself care too much and it's suffocating him . i worry im gonna stick around for too long unable to take the hint . it's scary feeling all the naive fucking bullshit where you wanna keep someone around """"forever"""" and you feel that stupid fucking tug and we were talking about how he felt about relationships earlier a few days ago and he told me how he doesn't want to lose himself trying to make his partner happy or 'raise a bar' and i just wanted to grab his face through the screen and shake his head and tell him that i literally just want him . idk. idk that feels like weird wording i cringed writing that but . i don't care about a relationship with him for the most part because i kinda have all my needs taken care of - everything is exactly how i would want it in a relationship, just without the label. part of me wants the term just so i could have some hypothetical sense of security in the agreed upon exclusivity, but we're not seeing anyone else at the moment so i don't feel super worried. the idea of that hurts though, idk. from the beginning I've been scared of becoming a stepping stone to keep the bed warm until he found someone he really cared about, and sometimes that thought still bothers me but im trying to trust and i don't think he'd hide stuff like that from me, he's not that kind of person. maybe i want something more and maybe in due time this will turn out to not be enough and he won't be ready or want to and the idea of that scares me. but i want to stick around, and i don't wanna hide because of shit my brain makes up instead of concrete things he has told me. i don't wanna fuck this up either lol, i don't think i really want anything to change outside of maybe me feeling a bit less anxious rn and feeling a little more certainty about everything and how he feels about me. there's a difference between knowing something and feeling it, y'know?

i want to stick around, i really fucking like him. i didn't realize how serious these feelings were and all they seem to do is get stronger. i can't say that i have much hope he feels completely the same, but i am happy he feels the same at all lol

#h3t #vent

[flrtwoo]

wc: 1.3k

as changmin neared the locker room, he heard a bunch of shouts and hoots coming from inside. soon after, a crowd of highschool kids started making their way out of the room, buzzing with energy and excitement. siyeon, who was in the crowd, spotted him and ran towards her favorite uncle.

"uncle changmin!" she shouted, earning a jolt from the clueless guy. when he saw siyeon coming his way, he smiled so wide and opened his arms for her. she jumped into the hug, laughing in happiness.

"that's a lie, you now have all the time in the world to do mom's errands WHICH you can't run away from anymore!"

"okay... maybe but don't think that i'm not dragging you with me to do them!"

you watched changmin and siyeon interact so animatedly from the entrance of the locker room, and you couldn't help but fall even further for the guy who's already stolen your heart. his smile could literally light up the whole world, you truly believed that.

"so i lost to dimples? huh."

"so i lost to dimples? huh."

you turned to meet the owner of the voice. "younghoon i still don't know how to respond to your comments, i love you but also are we really okay?"

your best friend laughed as he slung an arm around your shoulders. "YES we're okaaay it's just funny to see your reactions whenever i make comments about my crush on you!"

"you're sick, you know that? sick in the motherfriking head." you poked his head, younghoon continuing to laugh. "i know, i know."

from his peripheral vision, he saw changmin waving siyeon goodbye and walking towards you. with that, younghoon made it his cue to leave.

"looks like lover boy is coming right this way, so don't feel pressured to come to the lunch! i'll take care of the kids for now, you enjoooy your time." he teased and winked at you. you pretended to gag, mouthing a "what the fuck?" to him as he shrugged and left your side.

once you faced forward, you were met with a very nervous-looking changmin. "congrats y/n! you're the last person i needed to congratulate, i already spoke with younghoon but yea." he said.

"thanks changmin." you gave him a soft smile. he looked extremely anxious and you didn't know what was going through his head, so the both of you just kind of stood there in an awkward silence.

as you were about to end the conversation because where tf was this going to go, changmin cleared his throat. "i know your busy with the team, but can we talk? there's something i actually need to say to you."

"oh, sure! we can talk outside, at least it doesn't smell like chlorine and sweat out there." you commented, trying to lighten the mood. however, changmin didn't respond and just made a beeline towards the entrance of the arena.

you were confused, a little scared even. "what if he didn't want to be friends anymore? what if he was moving away to someplace far? what if he's not actually human? what if-"

"y/n, don't worry! it's nothing of that sort." he chuckled. "holy shit i thought out loud." your face grew beet red, and you stuttered out an apology for how he shouldn't have heard your thoughts.

you two eventually made it outside after an excruciating minute of you fanning the red out of your face and him trying to hold in his laughter at your embarrassment. you found a bench and sat on it, gesturing for him to follow.

as he sat down, he rubbed his hands against his pants, wiping off the nervous sweat that had formed. "okay, y/n i'll need you to listen to me carefully. let me know your thoughts after, alright?" he asked as he turned to face you.

"will do changmin!" you turned to face him too and flashed him an encouraging smile.

changmin was nervous in front of you, but the warmth you exuded from your smile alone was enough to give him the confidence to just think fuck it and tell you what he's been meaning to tell you for a while now.

"y/n the way we met, it was so, how do i put this... out of the blue? i mean, who expects to be punched during work duty and be pushed into the pool for literally standing there?"

you laughed at this, recalling the memory of how messed up your first and second meetings were.

"okay, i admit the second time was partly my fault, but still! it's crazy to tell people 'yea i met them in a haunted house where i was the scarer they punched'! but honestly, it's a much more interesting story than all the other 'how did you meet?' stories out there."

you nodded in agreement.

"when i met you the third time, you as siyeon's coach and me as her uncle, not gonna lie i wasn't the happiest about that. i'm sure you knew that too. but we kept meeting and meeting again under the most unexpected circumstances, and eventually i just thought 'maybe they're meant to be in my life, one way or another.'"

"we started talking more and hanging out, and soon i started looking forward to every time we talked and, well, hung out. i mean, you made even the boring things seem fun! that time i was studying for that dance theory test? all you did was ask the dumbest questions and i was already on the floor laughing my ass off!"

you wanted to protest about how your questions were NOT dumb, but changmin stopped you.

"i'm sorry, yes your questions were not dumb, i was just kidding." he patted your head, smiling affectionately at you. you rolled your eyes, however a smile similar to his soon made its way to your face too.

seeing you look at him with so much love in your eyes made something in his mind click and suddenly, his thoughts have never been clearer.

his heart's never been happier.

he didn't just like you. you meant so much more to him, and he knew you needed to know.

"what i'm trying to say is: home is somewhere i feel happy in, where i feel comforted, where i feel loved. and if being with you makes me feel those things, then y/n you are my home. and i hope you feel the same way, because i love you."

changmin exhaled as if he was holding his breath the entire time. he looked at you expectantly, waiting for your answer.

you, on the other hand, was shocked. just plain shocked, and you didn't know what to do, how to react, or what to even say.

the guy who'd stolen your heart had just admitted that you've stolen his heart too, so how the fuck do you respond to that.

after you had stayed silent for 13, 14, 15 seconds (yes, changmin was counting), he lost all hope. sighing, he looked down at his hands. "i'm sorry for putting this all on you, i knew it was a stupid idea, i'm sorry-"

you cupped changmin's cheeks to stop him from talking. he looked up, meeting your glassy eyes. you slowly neared his face until you were inches apart, and whispered your reply.

"i love you too, dumbass."

you closed the distance, lips meeting his as you kissed him slowly, sweetly. he smiled into the kiss, holding you as if you could disappear between his fingers.

it was a very romantic moment that unfortunately didn't last very long, because shortly after a bird landed on changmin's head causing him to scream, you to scream, and the bird to go number 2 on his head.

but oh well, everything about your relationship was so out of the blue anyways, right?

out of the blue | jcm

[chapter 19]

previous | masterlist | next

summary: when you find out that one of the students you coach is the niece of the guy you accidentally punched in the face and pushed into a pool, you're not surprised that he's, well, disappointed at the outcome. however, you're determined to make amends with him for the sake of his niece... and maybe for the sake of his cute face too.

taglist: @s0ngk4ng @wooyoung-a @skiez @kittkyu @stealanity @sofie296 @ccobbiee @deputyjuyeon @enhacolor @simplewonderland @jaerisdiction @arepabella @snuhee @loonathewurld @loki-in-hogwarts @hidejeon @jakesahi @nyujjan @suzy-rainbow @w8nuzone @yeletbz @seungcheoluwu

can't tag: @yannew @deobib

(reply to this post or send an ask/message if u wanna be part of the taglist! :>)

a/n: I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE UPDATE i had to finish writing this piece but 🥲 last update on wednesday AAAA i hope you guys liked this chapter though, i didn't expect to go past 1k but i think i got carried away? 😃 it's not super edited too, so i'm really sorry if there are any mistakes!! please send me a message or tell me thru the ask box if there are hehe THANK UU <3

#changmin social media au #changmin sm au #changmin imagines #changmin series #changmin scenarios #changmin fluff #changmin angst #ji changmin #the boyz imagines #the boyz sm au #the boyz angst #the boyz fluff #the boyz social media au #the boyz

[retrogradedreaming]

one and thirty-eight !!!

COREY MY BELOVED <3

1. First things first, did you have a good year?

Honestly? No. It was one of the worst years so far. It started off with a sinus infection and vertigo, and I spent most of the year with vertigo that I only learned a few months ago is from vestibular migraine. I'm still trying to figure out how to manage it and live with it without feeling frustrated and afraid all the time. It's essentially dominated my year, prevented me from doing things I love, made it difficult to maintain and grow my career, and made it hard to create and put effort into relationships. I haven't been able to do a lot of basic, simple shit I never had to think about before. I've only been able to seriously try and manage it for a few months now, after finding out what it is, and it's been fucking hard because improvement and change is so slow and uncertain with this, and I'm still frustrated and anxious most of the time. But it HAS improved over the past few months, and I'd like to think I'm on a positive trend (while still understanding that any sort of improvement is nonlinear).

And even though this year has been overall shit, there have been good things. I joined tumblr and made a few friends here. I started really learning how to create boundaries and enforce them. I've been doing a lot of creative things I didn't give myself time to do before, like drawing and writing for enjoyment. I've learned a lot about tarot and astrology and read a lot of people's charts and cards, which has been fun for both myself and them. So it's not all bad, but it's hard to remember much about this year because it's all sort of under a blanket of vertigo and fear.

38. What was the best moment of the year for you?

Awkward that I just went on about how terrible a year it was, haha. But since there weren't a whole lot of amazing moments, I'd say....idk, sort of little things but this year, little moments of happiness were big for me. Things like talking to you and Theo, sending you and Grace the tiny Reki and Cherry and hearing how much you liked them, the letter and friendship bracelet you sent me, starting to draw again without worrying about the quality of it, collecting ghosts from the York Ghost Merchants, Christmas with my family (because it was the first holiday in over a year that I went to and didn't have to leave early from)...honestly, I think Christmas was the best day this year. It made me so happy, and the whole week I actually went out and did things I hadn't done in a while (i.e. shopping). It was just a really nice week overall, and I love seeing people happy when I give them gifts, and everyone seemed super happy with theirs this year. I'm literally that meme of the kid with the coffee mug sitting on the couch when I give gifts. So yeah, just stuff like that. Oh, and I started growing vegetables even if they're really sad and haven't been growing much at all!

End of year ask game

#sorry these got long #also sorry if this is too much complaining i try not to talk about it a lot on tumblr but for the sake of honesty #it was a shit year #the end of it has been better #but literally i don't remember most of the year except for vertigo #i wish i had better answers for these ahaha #anyway thank you corey and i hope you're having an amazing birthday!!! <3 #corey tag #new years ask game

[nightswithkookmin]

JIKOOK: ARE CONGRATULATIONS IN ORDER?

Disclaimer:

Everything expressed in here is my opinion. It is not intended to be malicious or disrespectful to any of the parties mentioned in here. Please do not hate on or send hate anyone mentioned in her expressly or by inference.

In my previous posts, I pointed out how this past year, from August 2019 to June 2020 has been a rollercoaster ride for Jikook. Their relationship has been all over the place with some even concluding they have broken up for good- you wish!

My inbox has been flooded with questions such as: Are they still broken up, are they good, are they married...

Y'all think I'd be here blogging at 1 AM for Tumblr if Jikook were married married?- Ok, I would. Lol

But No, Sis. Jikook aren't married. Not that I know of. But don't be sad though because THEY ARE BACK! Fully back to function. By that I mean Jimin mostly. Jk never left. Lol- I'll explain in a bit. But yes, I'm happy to report that they are Jikooking again!

I refrained from posting about their new moments especially this July moments because even though they've been back together after a long period of on and off again relationship during ON comeback through to festa season, and then May when JM finally asked for space in their relationship(see previous posts for details)

I've being unsure about Jimin. I've been anxious to know what the outcome of his asking for space to think things through would be.

Jikook have a push and pull relationship dynamic. We been known. Mostly when one steps back from their relationship for whatever reason, the other leans in to pull them back in.

Same thing has been happening from January where Jimin would be pulling one minute, the next he would be like meh and JK would be push to pull him back in.

That was the case in this (June-July) Japan comeback interviews. Jk was front center with expressing interest in JM pulling him whereas JM was like meh, I'm down for this baby but let's keep it professional for the group's sakes.

Just look at them here... (Photo of them at 2020 Japan interview where Jk said he was looking at JM)

See what I mean? Now you may not notice at first but look at JM's demeanor and compare it to moments in past interviews whenever JK is talking about him or their relationship.

Jk was on his flirting game which he usually is when he wants to break the ice with Jimin if there's been tension between them or when someone around is making a pass at JM and he wants them to know what's up- he ain't slick. Lol

At times too he takes the initiative to flirt when he is feeling super confident and cocky and hella bold and just wants to. Trust me, when he flirts with Jimin, IT IS NOT FOR FANSERVICE. He means that shit.

Now compare JM's body language in that Japan interview moment this one right here: (photo of JM and Jk at the interview where JK said from now on together)

Jimin usually acts very coy, giddy and whipped even around JK when JK flirts with him but most importantly he seems to egg JK on in such moments. He enjoys being claimed openly by JK just as much as JK loves being claimed by JM publicly- which is why as nervous as that makes him he keeps going back for more.

Now this is gonna sound controversial but I have seen JM tell Suga off at times when Suga has tried to initiate skinship with him. I won't show you the picture but you can watch it for yourself during the On Come back where they wore Purple and black. It happened right at the moment Suga touched JMs back. JM mouthed 'Hajima' to Suga to stop touching him. That's all I'm gonna say y'all. Lmho. Don't want trouble.

My point is, these boys have a filter. If they don't want something done to them they won't hesitate to say it or show it. Much like when JK pushed Tae's hand away during a VLive- and he's pushed JM off sometimes too. He is assertive more so than all the members. If he doesn't want something he won't do it or allowed it.

Suga asked him not to get the tattoos when he first expressed interest in them way back in American Hustle life. But he told them if army loves him they would love everything he does and not try to limit him. Jk does as JK pleases.

So yea, if JK didn't like what Jimin has been doing with him he wouldn't be around him much less reciprocate those feelings and actions and initiating them on his own at times. Their interactions are MUTUAL.

And yes, that was shade.

Jimin understands the guts it takes JK to take such initiatives with him and so he kinds of encourages Jk to go on with it or acts in a way that boosts JK's ego. Like when JK shouted 'arrest me' in the middle of an interview. Jk... SMH.

So it was a bit unsettling to watch JM not even try to flirt back with JK in moments like this like he usually would. Dude wasn't even initiating their shtick during this period first of all nor was he responding to them in a way he usually would.

Not sure the aesthetics he was going for here but it screamed let's keep this professional on camera and get naughty when we get home. Or much like, dude I asked for space and I'm realizing I like you just as much but stop coming on too strong.

Which frankly, is what the members have been asking them to do since October last year when the hashtag to cancel Jikook in S.K trended. So JM wouldn't be wrong to take such a stand....

Given that the crux of their issue has been that Jikook is developing into a brand almost independent of BTS' brand and this in a way is affecting the dynamics of the group, a little discretion wouldn't hurt.

The cheers for Jikook moments are getting louder and louder each year even at events such as awards and not just on stage. Jikook is taking a lifeform of it's own. Its becoming a brand almost as powerful as BTS' brand. They are a power couple or becoming one. Like or not. Their fans are becoming loud and large too. So often, lately, it seems they tend to steal the show and direct attention away from the band. It's crazy.

Tae literally had the floor, delivering his speech at the MMA 2019 but people weren't even paying attention to that at all. They were more interested in Jikook and whatever they were doing and they went nuts the moment JK held Jimin and even wilder when he placed his head on Jimin which is what lead to infamous standoff with RM.

JM had literally bumped his butt against Hobi's crotch region moments before the Jikook moment but the crowd didn't lose it as much. Please go back and listen to the deafening sounds of the crowd for yourself.

As much as we love Jikook, there are some that don't and they can be very loud. I'll leave it there. Please support Jikook. Thank you.

BTS had a whole concert end of October 2019 and the hashtag that trended was 'cancel Jikook.' That took away from the hardwork of the band and reduced it to a few seconds of two boys fanboying over eachother. That's.... sigh.

When you see it this way, the RM separating them at Jingle bell red carpet, on stage or even BigHit trying to regulate their Vlives make sense.

Moving on. So yea I wasn't sure about JM all this past few months especially as I believe he had asked for space in their relationship. You might not think much of it but given as JM had said in the past how if he had a lover he would want to be with them all the time and Jikook do spend a lot of time around each other but suddenly hear them talk about spending time apart and enjoying it and what not....

But I think I can stop worrying now because HE IS BACK! There is a new Jimin in town and he is taking names! Good for him!

And I don't mean his new hairdo this August. I mean the new attitude. This attitude:

In this interview he says he would take JK to an island which smart decision. I would take JK too cos dude can do anything, cant he?! Bless him.

But thats beside the point. What I think is happening here is, Jimin finally took a stand. He made up his mind and he is not getting pushed around anymore. Because this Jimin hasn't showed up in a while now. Now he seems quite defiant most times if you've been paying attention to him, so rebellious, so sure of himself. Good for him. Spending time to himself has done him some good. It's given him room to reflect and sort out his priorities.

He loves his work, his band and he loves JK and it's hard when all of those start rubbing against eachother. But Fuck professionalism. He is in love with JK and that is professionalism too. Add loving JK till the end of time to his profession bishes!! :p

Sorry. I got carried away.

But seriously, he seems like his old self but it's also a new self because he hasn't been that self for a hot minute. This is JK's sweat tastes like holy water Jimin. This is I promised Jk I will go to the moon with him Jimin, this is I wanna go on a trip alone with JK Jimin- but badder. If you are a hardcore JM stand like I am you'd understand what I'm talking about.

HE IS BACK BABY! Our daddy is back!

The point of this post is to say, I believe JM finally figured out what he wants. So now hopefully the up and down should die down because quite frankly it's hard to keep up with those two I swear! We need a smooth sail Jikook. Make it happen!

I love it. I love where this is going and I can't wait to see more of their interactions so cheers to Jikookers and congratulations to Jimin for putting his shit together. We wanted rain. We about to be hit with a tsunami of Jikook moments.

Stay blessed. Stay beautiful. Jikook forever.

Signed,

Goldy

#jikooktheories #kookmintheories #jikook analysis #kookmin analysis #bts jungkook #jikook fights #kookmin #jikook #bts jimin #jikook scenarios #jikook is not fanservice #its about to rain Jikook #jikook fluff #jiminshiii #bts angst #jungkook angst #jikook social media au #Jikook pride #gay pride #pride icons #pride #nightswithkookmin

[mediocrevideopodcast]

Hey, I was wondering if I could request a match up? (It's totally cool if you don't get round to doing it though!)

I'm a guy, pan, 5'7, with blue eyes and dark blue hair. Pretty chill and more extroverted once you get to know me, and I love checking out small towns and looking into all the alt/thrift shops. I love horror movies, slapstick cartoons and tend to watch the same show 6 times before feeling comfortable enough to watch something else. I paint my room and change it around at least 3 times a month (it's an anxious tick 😅). I'm the middle child of 7 and I'm totally down with the whole crackhead aesthetic

I match you with...

Leonardo!!  Where do I even start with him? Honestly, this sounds like a match made in heaven. He loves how you become a bit more extroverted as he gets to know you; in fact, it’s part of what draws him to you! He loves to play off of the newfound energy, asking you out to do more and more things together. He also loves your naturally chill nature, too! No matter what, there’s always something to do!  Thriftshop dates? Thriftshop dates! He loves going into Snowlines and Goodwills a lot, honestly. Who would have guessed? He always finds the weirdest stuff, too. Not weird as in creepy, but weird as in hyper-specific t-shirts and mugs, or strange contraptions. You’re amazed at his weird luck. He also likes to find ugly af granny clothes so he can try ‘em on to make you laugh. It works every time. (He also buys some of them for future recon missions.) He also just really likes the vibes of thrift shops. Roaming the rows of old trinkets and clothes, worn with years of memories is a calm enough experience, but doing it with the best boyfriend ever? Who could say no to that?  Movie nights are always fun, but beware of the movie you pick! Paranormal horror (particularly poorly written ghost movies) with lots of plotholes are 100% gonna get made fun of. He can turn pretty much any B-List horror movie into a comedy. (Although, that probably isn’t the most daunting task in the world.) Popular horror ain’t safe from his comedic wrath, either. Psychological horror, though, will always get him. Throw on something like Oculus, or maybe even It, and you’ll have a very clingy turtle on your hands! He’ll try and play it off, cracking quiet jokes every now and then, but the way his voice shakes as he clings to your arm betrays his fear.  He’s a huge fan of slapstick cartoons too! He low-key grew up on CatDog and Ed Edd and Eddy, so it has a very special place in his heart. (His favorites out of the two were Dog and Eddy, respectively.) Give him some recs on new ones!! He also loves to watch ‘em with you as well. If you’re not watching movies on TV night, chances are it’s a slapstick you picked. And he’s great with rewatching things as well too, so don’t worry!!  He’s super fascinated by how you dye your hair. He gets these little stars in his eyes while he watches you, although you can’t seem to pinpoint why. He’s all too happy to help you get the back of your hair. (He never wears the gloves, and usually ends up with stained hands for a while afterwards. He’s super good at it though! Despite having no hair of his own, he’s really good at dying hair. If you ever wanna do something multicolored or intricate, he’s a safe bet. He’s awful at picking colors himself, though.)  He loves going on road-trips with you. There’s a surprising amount of small towns in New York, and he knows ‘em all. His favorite place to road-trip with you to is Cold Springs, hands down. An old, small town with a lot of charm. It’s a comforting town to walk around and explore. It’s fun to look at the older houses around there and go into the little shops that litter the streets. With so many independently owned shops, it’s hard to not find a little bit of charm there. Not only that, but it’s next to the Hudson River! Leo is an avid swimmer, so you’ll probably have to hold him away from the water if you didn’t bring something to swim in.  Middle child buddies! Tell him the family tea, he fucking loves it. He’s a super good listener too, and he gives the greatest advice.

Honestly, he’s cool with helping you reorganize your room. If it makes you feel more comfortable, than why stop? So long as you’re happy, he’s happy. He’s also a great mover, too. Literally the king of pushing heavy stuff around the room. PLEASE move your trinkets off of your dresser first, because he won’t move em. He’s confident that they won’t fall over, and he’s wrong every time. At least he has good reflexes! The painting thing is super new to him though! He admires the dedication, honestly. He totally asks Mikey for some cool designs to show you, in hopes that you’ll add em to the blank walls. 

He’s still taller than you, so prepare to have him rest his arm on your head and shit like, 24/7. He takes great pride in grabbing items off of the top shelf for you. It’s never in a condescending way though, and he’s fine with backing off if it’s an insecurity. If not though? He loves gentle teasing like that. He also thinks it’s kind of cute, lowkey. He likes leaning down just a tad for kisses.  He loves to sit behind you with his arms wrapped around your middle. It’s the comfiest thing in the world to him, and he’s fallen asleep many a time like that. 

#matchups #anonymous #i hope this was okay!!

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Heyo! Can I get a cake? (If you still accept requests that is)

My appearance: around 5'5 with black hair fading into brown (lower back). Brown eyes and a mole on my right cheek. Not wanting to sound racist but I look half east-asian.

Personality: the chaotic mom friend. Will text you at 2 am with "child go to sleep" and later spam you with memes. I have high mental stamina so I will be able to keep up with whatever you're trying to say at a fast speed. And you can vent to me anytime cause I'll be here to help. I might seem reserved at the first glance but once I get comfortable I'm gonna be loud as heck. I cannot take anything seriously, and will always make jokes out of nowhere. Yes, even if someone is hurt, but I ain't telling them that. I have a wide range of interests: art, writing, clothing design, singing, cooking etc. I like anime and video games and I have something with creepy paranoid urban legends. I really like astrology and listens to mainly nightcore. I also have a thing with angst and prefers it over fluff.

I tend to get anxious when it comes to school and tests even when I know I did it good and would probably cry after the test when I realized I answered something wrong. (Which is mainly because of my parents but shhh)

Thanks for reading!

🍰 for @nachotrash

Romantic Matchup

Tendou Satori

My personal favorite

This man ADORES you

And since he adores you he wants to be your rock

So if you EVER need ANYTHING you better come to this mans right here

He will listen to your worries and reassure you about any anxiety’s you might have

Moving on from the serious stuff

You two can’t take shit seriously 😐

Don’t even lie when I was writing the serious stuff you were probably like “love that for me 😌”

Like someone could die and y’all would be cracking jokes

*someone dies*

Priest: “heaven has gained another angel”

(You to satori) “more like hell gained another demon”

(Satori to you) “Fuck that hell just gained a whole new ruler”

But that’s what makes your guy’s relationship so funny

Satori has the lovely gift of making anything funny

And you just add on to his jokes and make it even funnier

He is also a meme spammer soooo be prepared for cursed memes at 2 am

You are somebody satori trusts with his life so he talks to you about EVERYTHING

And I hc him as a really fast talker

So put two and two together you have a SoundCloud rapper

You have what to the average eat sounds like jibberish

But somehow you can understand him just fine 🤷🏽‍♀️

Like he’ll be going off about something and the people around him are just like 😀

But then they turn to you and your just like “pop off king 👑 that’s super crazy”

They’re like bitch you understand him????

So you like to cook? Well satori likes to bake!

Perfect combo right there 🤌

Dinners with y’all are SO GOOD

Cause you make bomb food then he just comes out with the desserts

You both DEFINITELY watch anime together

Oh and y’all get INTO the shows

Like straight up yelling at the tv

“FUCKING HAUL ASS EMMA ISABELLAS COMING FOR YOU!!”

“I KNOW I DID NOT JUST SEE A WHOLE ASS CLOWN MOAN A CHILDS NAME”

Yeah...fun times

Ooh bitch when he finds out you like singing

He literally will hand you just a list of songs he wrote throughout the day

Y’all also make songs together

There are some cute songs but then there’s a lot of crack head songs

So now you just have a binder with little songs in it

Can we get a Tendou musical tho 👀

10/10 very fun relationship right here

Friendship Matchup

Hinata Shōyō

Ok is he mad that your an inch taller than him?

No Maybe but that’s not important right now 😭

If you ever mention being taller than him he’ll say something along the lines of

“Just you wait by the end of high school I’ll be at least 4 inches taller than you”

He definitely comes to you if Kags is bullying him

And you try to calm him down and tell him not to worry about it

But sometimes you can’t help but laugh at the comments Kags makes 😭

“Y/n Kageyama keeps calling me short :(“

“Ok but...did he lie though”

“>:0”

You also laugh whenever he gets hit by a ball

Now your not heartless! You obviously check if he’s ok!

But you just laugh for a solid 5 minutes before you do that 😗

He loves to hear your scary stories!

He’s tried to tell one but somehow his always have a happy ending???

So he just leaves the story telling to you

You also got him into astrology

Actually scratch that

YOU always talk about astrology and he listens to bits and pieces

So now he thinks he knows everything

Tsukki: *is mean to Hinata*

Hinata: omg Tsukki you are such a Virgin 🙄 ✋

You: *Chokes on water*

You later told him that Tsukki was a VIRGO

10/10 Great friendship

#haikyuu!! #haikyu x reader #haikyuu fandom #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu matchups #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu headcanons #tendou x y/n #tendou hcs #tendou satori #tendou headcanon #tendou x you #hinata headcanons #hinata shōyō #hinata x y/n

[gra-sonas]

Hi! Can I just say that the thing I'm most thankful for today is you and your blog. It's literally the onlu tumblr I check every single day without fail & especially in times of turmoil your positivity just brings this peace. I'll be the 1st to admit that I'm not a fan of CAM, to say that I've disliked her since TVD is putting it mildly, but I just came from another blog and saw all these posts listing her faults. I know she's not perfect and I don't even like her but those posts weighed me down

2 so I just went back to your blog to reread all your positive response and I just wanted to say thank you. I didn't even expect to feel bad bec of criticism of CAM bec they were very valid points. But hammering it out after all these time is just heavy om the heart. I feel like what we need to do now is to move forward and heal and put her behind us. So I'm looking forward to any positive feeling or thoughts you'll be willing to share with us. You are a force of good and I'm sending you love

Goodness, I’ve received so much love yesterday, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed that this continues. 😳Your message made me smile tho, and I thank you for your kind words, nonnie! It makes me happy to know that my blog brings you some comfort. ❤️❤️❤️

Ngl, we’ve had a bit of a rough year. First the S1 finale debacle, then a very long hiatus that left the fandom fractured, followed by a rather underwhelming season 2 - it’s no surprise that there’s currently a lot of bitterness being voiced, especially since CAM contributed in different, and sometimes quite significant ways to what’s upset people. Believe me, I too am still bitter about quite a few things.

But I don’t want to let that bitterness consume me, I don’t want to dwell on it, especially now, when there’s a clean cut and a somewhat promising future on the horizon. 

For my own peace of mind, I want to focus on positivity, the possibilities, and all the things I LOVE about the show and its characters. Because there’s still so much I love about RNM (the reason why I’m still here, even tho I didn’t watch S2). S3 won’t be on our screens for another year, and I’d rather try and enjoy the time as much as I can (I don’t want another hellatus...).

I got a lot of asks the night when news broke that she’d leave the show (more than 50 👀), and quite a few of them pointed out negative things about her, listed rumors about her behavior (some dating back to times prior to RNM), mentioned rude comments she’s made, stuff like that. And I’m okay with people sending me these kinds of asks (I get it, sometimes it just feels good to blow off steam). 

I didn’t publish them tho, bc like you, the negativity tends to weigh me down, and I don’t want to amplify it.

Tbh, I’m just really tired of being weighed down by negativity. The show did that to me for the longest time (especially the last couple of months), and CAM definitely did play her part in that. But she’s gone now, and I’m more than ready to move on. 

There’s nothing we can change about the past 2 seasons, none of the mistakes or writing choices that were made can be undone. Canon is what it is (minus that scene, I refuse to acknowledge its existence), and I more than understand that not everyone’s ready to move on yet, that some of that bitterness has to get out first, be discussed and maybe rehashed a couple more times - all in order to eventually let it go. 

I want to focus on the good things from now on tho. I want to fangirl, read fic,  write fic (haha, as if my muse would let me 😒DEAR MUSE, I HAVE A BIG BANG TO WRITE, PLS DON’T MAKE IT SO HARD FOR ME), make gifs, perhaps rewatch some S1 scenes. I want to swoon over Tyler, laugh at Vlamis, slowly get excited about S3 around the time they return to Santa Fe - just nurture the little seed of hope that things will be better next season.

I really do feel a lot more hopeful now. I’m not as anxious anymore, I don’t dread thinking about the future of the show like I used to. I’m well aware that even with a new show runner things can go sideways. Chris Hollier isn’t some savior who’s gonna magically fix all past mistakes and will never make any of his own.

He just seems a little less unpredictable, a little less “vindictive”, and a lot less thriving on misery, all things I appreciate. He’s also not constantly on social media to either “spy” on what fans are talking about, or barging in to “correct” us when we supposedly focus on the “wrong” things.

We may have lost the hot wire connection to the show runner, but imo that can be an advantage. I’m sure regardless of him not monitoring fan activity on Twitter and Tumblr 24/7, Chris is well aware of how important Malex are to fans, and he knows how important they are to Tyler and Vlamis. I believe he also knows about all the grievances fans have regarding making PoC the villains, mistreating Maria, sidelining characters, and so on.

He doesn’t have to be on social media to be aware of these things (many of the RNM writers are on social media, it would be a miracle if they didn’t talk about stuff like that in the writers room), and I hope he’s gonna fix some of the more glaring issues, and hopefully he’ll refrain from fucking up Malex (I believe they are in good hands with him tho).

Anyway, this got long and super rambly. Sorry, must’ve been something in the water this morning xD 

Here’s to a mostly enjoyable hiatus, what I can do to make it a little more silly and fun, I’ll do. ✨💚👽

#nonnie asks

[inctlife]

saw your last answer on my ask and i dashed here (dashi run run run ...???)

taking care of myself more lately, i've been caring for my legs a lot more and i am now: healed :))))))))

however i can't stop the frustration from running through, i'm not as good as i was before and i blame myself for being so careless about my health? but again, no can do except quit, which i'm on the verge of doing

AND MA'AM, WE ARE HERE FOR THE TONE INDICATORS. currently educating myself, i'm getting there but i'm rlly trying to get into the habit of using them!

also, i really want to get into the scouting world and it honestly was one of my dreams? now that you mention it, i used to really want to be in a troop and roast marshmellows and help others when i was younger but now, idek bc i have so much stuff to take care of

(^^ gotta see if i wanna attend 2023's world scout jamboree in korea lmao jkjk maybe)

but about the last ask where i was just really hopeless, i've just been really anxious about some things in my life right now, and it's adult things that i just try and keep out of but when one of the decisions can be moving across the country, i'm not that restrictive on being anxious ya kno

just wanna fly away to korea except take out the harsh school system there bc... fuck them school systems

fun news, auditioned for a few stuff, starting from my school's production program all the way to a program i'm not allowed to discuss (insert eye emoji bc i can't on my laptop rn)

ANYWAYS shit almost forgot about the qotd

QOTDDDDDD:

favorite 127 song?

aotd: SUPERHUMAN. the "got me feelin' like a super i know i can fly" joke within 127 has got me on that song? so much?

but as for a ballad (bc that song's an edm), i love no longer? i got into 127 a lot more after haechan's acapella behind clip was all over the fandom and gawd zamn was that a nice acapella the hell

QUICK NOTE, yall need to fall in love with zhong chenle (except maybe not for queen daegal's buzz cut she received from him >:/). he's definitely underrated and is often called loud but if you watch a competition type show that he went on (i believe with jisung as well bc idk about that) his voice is just beyond the others (my apologies to the other kids, they were amazing as well) BUT HIS IS SO CLEAR. NOT TO MENTION HE WAS ON THE VIENNA PHILHARMONIC ORCHESTRA PLEASE WHAT

here's the clip: https://youtu.be/hTTfQJfklFE

rant about zhong chenle is over!

LOVE YOU, DRINK WATER

(like my higher-ups sign off their emails) best,

eggy

our last ever eggy ask !

i’m so glad to here that, darling !!! and you should never beat yourself up about things like that like,, ik you kinda were being careless lmao sorry but it’s obvious even from someone who doesnt really know much about you that its just because your so dedicated !! you seem to love it so much so i hope you keep going !! (if you want lol)

YES!!!! i mean i’m like,, slightly autistic myself (my therapist said it might just be from childhood trauma but basically i show signs of autism :D) so i absolutely love seeing people use them cause it just helps me 100% understand the meaning and i’m so happy about using them and am so down if it helps people !!

honestly i hate camping akdjdkdjdk i’d be a terrible scout,, but my friend on the other hand?🤨 BRILLIANT😙🤌 SHE GOT INVITED THERE BC SHE WAS ONE OF THE BEST SCOUTS IN HER GROUP BRO😎 i mean i bully her for it but it’s actually kinda cool lmao i mean i couldnt do that ALSO I DID NOT KNOW THERE’S A JAMBOREE IN KOREA COMING UP AND I WILL BE ASKING HER ABOUT IT

i really dont have anything to say bc honestly it just sucks about moving across the country and i’ve never even moved house lmao but i get the thing about adult things,, like i turned 17 february this year but it feels like everythings just closing in on me yk?? it suddenly feels like my entire life has just flashed before my eyes and i’m suddenly being shoved into adulthood, so yeah, i get you but i’m still avoiding them myself so all i can say is i hope whatever happens, your outcome is positive :)

NCT 127 UPBEAT SONG: probably welcome to my playground i LOVE that one

SAD SONG: LITERALLY SAME NO LONGER IS SO GOOD BRO I LOVE IT

also, quick note? i am in love with zhong chenle,, that one show he did where they went and stayed with his family?? i watched that several times a month😭 i love him mum

so, for the last time ever i guess!!

bye eggy, don’t forget to drink your water and thanks for dropping by❤️

#🍳 anon #🍳 #eggy anon #eggy #jaeminieggy #im literally sad? #goodbye eggy :) #i’ve loved having you around #:(

[cinnaminsvga]

The game didn't say that someone couldn't ask you what you wanted to respond to people who send you that stuff in and that you couldn't respond to that message

So I guess save this until it's done (or do it now) and say everything you want to say to them here because I'm curious to your responses. I also agree on the show love to zee even without ask games agenda maybe we should all collectively start doing that again 👀

omg wait.... anon big brain THIS IS THE BEST.... thankfully one of us has the brain cell bc i’m definitely taking up your offer (and no need for the show love agenda HAJDKWKSL even just sending random asks about whatever is love enough for me!! being able to be weird with my anons is good enough for me 😎) anyway, everything is under the cut because this gets long LOL ILY ALL

first anon: OH MY GODDDD THE WAY MY EYES TEARED UP WHILE READING YOUR ASK HELLO????? if you’ve followed me since tlhc... i literally WAS just 18 back then and now i’m 21?? TIME ISN’T REAL?? i really can’t believe that there are people Out There who have followed me for so long,,, idk how to express myself well (which is funny bc i’m supposed to be a “writer” lol), but i just wanna say that i’ve always been scared of whether my followers actually like me or was just here to read my fics so hearing your words really helps me calm my anxiety a lil LMAO i’m just on this weird lil blog,,, writing my weird lil stories (and oversharing about my life and my poops as you said HJSADHJASHD i literally screamed when you said that bc damn you are so right) and i just hope that i come off friendly to people at the very least,,, so thank you dude (if we’ve spoken off anon before, i’m sure that i enjoyed whatever exchange we had since you sound like a genuinely awesome person,,, ily and i hope you have a great week!!

second anon: HAHAHHA YES I AM SUPER ANXIOUS!!! ALL THE TIME!!! i try to be funny but humor is subjective, yenno? i’m just glad i was able to find people who share the same kinda crackhead humor that i have :3 and you’re so right,,, what’s life without a little spicy angst? and dw about parasocial relationships HAJSDHASJ like,,, i know you’re on anon and i have no idea who you are, but if you (or any anon really) have sent me a nice ask in the past, even just to say hello or whatever, i kinda already consider you a friend?? like MAYBE you’re just a wooper in my brain (i imagine all my anons like woopers LOL) but the fact that you took the time to send me anything in the first place is just??? like WOW you thought of me??? that’s amazing and i have no words,,, thank you so much and i hope we can continue to speak with each other more!!

third anon: ah yes... my main genre of crangst... but it seems like the past two years have transformed me into a fluff smut writer as well... shows that i’m growing at least LOL gotta expand my horizons or whatever... BUT I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKE FOX RAIN LIKE,,, ANYTIME FOX RAIN GETS MENTIONED, MY HEART GROWS TEN MORE SIZES LIKE ;-; i know authors whine all the time about notes, but fox rain really is my babey and i just wish more people liked her, yenno? so i’m glad you’re able to enjoy it (and living vicariously thru y/n because aren’t we all? LMAO) and i hope you’ll stick around until the next chapter of fox rain gets published (whenever.... that may be.... sweats)

fourth anon: LOL i have a guess as to who this is but imma keep my mouth shut in case i’m wrong,,, but if i’m right, then yea i’m glad to have been your mutual for so long SAJDHJASHD i think we’ve been mutuals since??? 2018?? maybe 2019??? either way, that’s a LONG TIME and i’m always happy to see you in my notifs. it’s so wonderful to see you grow over the years and i know you’re only going to be much greater with due time!! stay epic and phroggers, my dude,,, ily

fifth anon: ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE WRITERS PLEASE... I AM GOING TO CRY ;-----; if you’ve been following me since outcast, that’s like??? early 2018??? late 2017??? HOLY SHIT THAT’S ALSO BEEN A WHILE,,, god i remember how fucking insane that time was and how many memes i made about that au LOL they were good days,,, i’m flattered you think i was funny enough for a follow,,, and that you’ve stuck around until now even though you’re not even into kpop anymore??? which is SO CRAZY bc that means ;-; that you’re here ;-; because you... y-you like me? 😳👉👈 LMAO ok but in all seriousness, it always boggles my mind to know that people follow me for like... me... because as someone who doesn’t really have many friends outside of social media, knowing that people out there like me enough to follow me despite not liking bts or kpop anymore is... just nothing short of amazing. so thank you for sticking around, and i hope you can continue to hang out with me on this silly little blog 🥲

#GOSH THAT FELT GOOD TO GET OFF MY CHEST LOL #that ask game was SO HARD omg #i never realized how much i need to talk HAHASHJDHJAS #which is funny bc i don't write.... nor do i tweet that often.... so where is this need to talk coming from.... LOL #anyway tldr to all my followers whether silent or active: i love you all #thank you for sticking around with me for however long #and i hope we can continue to make more happy memories together :D #ask game #Anonymous #answered

[fairycosmos]

I have my finale exam tomorrow and I'm 99,9% sure that I'll fail. I feel like such a failure right now. I could retake the school year but why I understand the school work then, if I don't understand it now. I'll probably stay unemployed forever, because I'm so anxious at job interviews and I literally don't know how to talk to people. Maybe it'd be the best if I didn't exist because nothing would change if wasn't here anyway. I wouldn't be missed and I know I will never be happy anyway.

hey dude, listen. it sounds a bit like you’re spiraling right now and i really think it’d do you some good to just take a step back and breathe. i hope the test went okay, and by okay i hope i mean you got through it, because that’s literally all you can ask of yourself. it’s natural to be nervous about such things and if you’re also struggling with mental illness on top of that, it’s easy to get lost in the heaviness of that anxiety. making big unfounded assumptions about your future, feeling a sense of doom, thinking in black and whites instead of recognizing the nuance and middle ground - all of those are red flags, not reliable thought processes that you need to build your life around. it’s okay to process negative emotions, to be upset and to feel overwhelmed and to want to give up at at times. we all need to break down a little when we’re overwhelmed so we can let some of that pent up tension out. but that should look like allowing yourself to cry, reaching out to those around you, getting some rest, and removing yourself from situations that exacerbate the pain when possible. not harming yourself in hopes of dulling those emotions, because that’s how you get stuck in a cycle of self destruction that is more suffocating than just confronting the pain and trying to let it go. look, you’re young and life is generally a lot longer than it seems when you’re in school, in the sense that we learn how resilient we are over and over again. we’re supposed to ‘mess up.’ things go ‘wrong ’and then we carve our paths out of that, and we adapt. whether we realize it or not. you’ve done it before, and you can do it again. if it turns out you have to retake the school year, then with the extra time and maybe additional support from your teachers, the school work may become a little clearer if you give it the chance and try out new learning techniques to find what works for you. that doesn’t make you a failure at all. you clearly care a lot about your future, and you’ve already made so much more progress than you realize. i know it doesn’t seem like it in this moment. but seriously, whatever happens, after the initial disappointment and frustration, you WILL be able to return to a sense of normality. the extent of how much it hurts right now is not permanent. there’s truly no set time schedule for education, no matter how much they want to convince us otherwise. you just have to do what you can with what you’ve been given. that’s more than good enough. you’re more than good enough. and about job interviews - try to slow down. there’s absolutely no evidence that you will be unemployed forever, in fact it’s very unlikely, and your worth/future happiness doesn’t rely on that factor anyway. honestly, i’ve been to a few job interviews by now and i’ve always thought the same thing about myself. especially when i was in school, i thought i knew, that there was no way i could handle it, no way anyone would take me on. and they are uncomfortable and nerve wracking, sure. but they’re also not the beginning and end of the world. nobody is expecting you to be the worlds best talker especially when you’re new to the whole thing. it’s about showing your enthusiasm and your skillset, and if you dont believe you have one, you do. you just cant see it because you dont like yourself right now. i’ve been rejected from jobs too, and yeah it’s a dig at the self esteem, but it’s not a personal failure. it’s just the nature of applying for a position that loads of other people are also applying for. you learn to accept it. but you don’t even have to carry that weight yet, love. so try to recognize what your brain is doing by bombarding you with worries that are entirely out of your control, and that there is no actual proof of. more than anything, it’s important to remember that school nor your career defines everything that you are. we’re taught from a young age that we only deserve to be here if we’re ‘useful’ by capitalist standards, if we can justify the space we take up. but it’s a fucking lieeeeee. raising us like that is the only way to get us to work work work without questioning it too much. it’s got nothing to do with you and everything to do with the world being a soul sucking machine. so, relax. you deserve to be here and you deserve to be gentle with yourself, nothing changes that. not tests or the future or your self hatred. i know it’s hard to believe that such concepts apply to you, but they do. nothing and nobody would be better off without you, i promise. when you’re in a dark place it’s only normal to believe that you’ll never be happy, but it’s really not the case in reality. happiness is an emotion that comes and goes like all else, and it is entirely possible for it to become a consistent theme in your life. that is, if you’re able to make it through this part. if you’re able to try to engage in healthier coping mechanisms so that you see your situation from multiple perspectives, rather than just from a one dimensional ‘things will never get better’ stand point. even if you just have to survive hour by hour, until you get there.

i’d really recommend considering talking to someone about what’s happening in your head right now, man. i know that’s not what you want to hear and part of you will want to immediately write it off, but try to pause and keep it in the back of your mind. whether it’s a teacher, a parent/family member, a school counselor, a mental health hotline, a friend, your doctor - there are so many people out there who have the tools to help you learn to manage. and it doesn’t matter if the process is slow or non linear, or if you have to force the words out. all that matters is that you try. whatever that means to you, even if some days it’s just staying in your room and breathing through it. you can recognize that not wanting to be here any more is an unhealthy thought, indicating that there is a lot more going on beneath the surface, yeah? it’s alright to talk about that and to let others in. our mental health is often just as fragile as our physical health and sometimes it needs medical intervention in order to be adequately supported, and that’s totally fine.  yeah, opening up is embarrassing and yeah it’s not something anyone ‘wants’ to do, but it’s often very necessary, because it’ll allows people to be able to relate with and guide you. please consider your own needs and know that there is no shame in speaking up. even if you have to take some time to find the courage. honestly, you don’t even need to go into great detail. a simple ‘i need help and i’m not sure what to do’ is a great place to start with someone you trust, or someone who is in a position to help you. anyway, i’m sorry this got super long. navigating school is fuckin difficult at the best of times, and i’m infinitely proud of you for making it to this point and for being able to articulate your feelings like this to me. i have no doubt that you will be able to get through this if you give yourself the time and the tools do so. and i dont say that lightly at all. try to ground yourself for now, and start again tomorrow. if you want to talk about this properly or if you ever need a friend, my dms/inbox will be open. take care. focus on one day at a time.

#anon

[tossertozier]

you mentioned possibly doing a ben or mike writing guide.. would you.. be willing to post a mike one. i'm plotting a fic and im struggling to get my mans down?? also i think abt ur fics weekly bare minimum.

hi there!!! i did my best. i tried to not sound preachy or like a know it all bc y’all know i can barely write. i hope this is helpful in some way!! disclaimer of of course this is all just my opinion & there’s no wrong way to write, you’re the only person who can tell your story!!

[[MORE]]

i think the first really important decision you have to make as Person Writing Mike is his

family & background

-are both of his parents alive?

-if yes, what’s their relationship like?

-if no, who’s his primary caretaker? what’s their relationship like?

-if no, when did they die? did he cope well with it? what’s his relationship with their memory like?

these are really really where you gotta start to write mike imo. or any character! i think one thing stephen king is to be admired for is he doesn’t neglect the parent-child relationship as so many people who write youth do. your parents are the most important people in your life for a long time. i don’t think there’s a wrong or ooc way to answer the above questions tbh. canon has really left a wide open field for you to run amuck in.

(example: i’ve mentioned in the past that my & tfat mike being a small adult is no mistake and intentional. it’s a bit of a throwaway scene, but i mention in on pointe that mike’s parents are coming. it’s intentionally done there too. mike is goofier, more outgoing, more immature in general in that fic in the small bits he’s in & that’s all a response to his familial life. )

culture + friendships

after you answer those questions, important follow up questions are:

-are the losers his first set of friends?

-how much social exposure has he had?

-has he dated? who is he attracted to?

-who influences him? (celebrities, family, culturally)

-what are his cultural interests? what does he do in his free time? how would that impact how he interacts with the rest of the world?

again, no wrong way to answer these. i’ve seen a super broad spectrum of indirect answers to these questions. even thinking about where he might pick up patterns of speech can make him feel much more like a realized character. i’ve noticed some people dip fully into aave to an extent that doesn’t even seem logical in their character’s current situation & it can really seem like a caricature, but i think to write mike without any sense of aave at all is a little ?? too. just be cognizant of it is my only real advice here. it doesn’t so much matter as long as you don’t forget who mike is which next point

humor & personality

-what do you think he would find (shows, comedians, youtube videos) really funny?

-does he have something he quotes often? something he started saying ironically but never stopped?

man i know i’m all there’s no wrong way to write mike !! in this post but i will say real quick that i think mike is funny and i don’t really respect depictions of him where he’s not. i think this is where the movies really just fucked up. book mike drops some of the funniest lines of the book. and honest to god tip is to write out a scene as you feel the urge too, look away for five minutes, look back and give half of richie’s lines away. (or... dialogue.) this sounds like a joke but it was what i did when i first started writing & tfat

i’d always be like “n the funny part goes... to richie.” and thats a fandom inclination too. nooooo. avoid this trap. it doesn’t even make sense. have u ever been in a friend group where only one person... makes jokes? that’d be genuinely so weird. especially bc if you give the joke away to someone else, you can also build on it. amazing things start happening when u start thinking of the characters in flexible patterns. like for example, i almost always give absurdist humor to stan now. wholesome to ben.

mike’s humor is largely situational to me. solid comedic timing & he’s an observant person. sometimes i read back my own writing & have to change the pov bc richies making jokes about things he would never ever notice to make fun of. mike would. mike genuinely sees all. i think he’s just got one of the most analytical brain of the losers. & i think intelligence is subjective and people are smart in different ways but i think it’s foolish to write him as anything other than incredibly intelligent both academically and emotionally. he’s just a natural observer and pattern notice-er. which brings me to my next mike thing:

love & selflessness

i think the biggest part of mike being harder to flesh into a fully realized person is the fandom tendency to make him kind and nothing else. here’s mike. he’s nice. next. bc the book kind of points out his selflessness in his decisions and it makes itself one of his strongest character traits.

especially bc nice seems to trump him having any other emotions. ...no?

i believe in general, but ESPECIALLY in the case of mike, that kindness is a choice. it’s one i genuinely believe he’d make, over & over again. but a choice he makes. he gets annoyed with his friends being annoying like anyone else would. he gets hurt when he feels left out. he feels tired & anxious & hungry and all those other human things. sometimes he might not let it show outwardly, but there’s a difference between that and not giving him feelings at all.

people are selfish. it’s a defense mechanism. it’s to protect us. it’s not a bad thing. we think of how the world impacts ourselves first. we don’t always act upon those thoughts or voice them, but don’t forget to let mike have them. he doesn’t need to be happy for his friends all the time, or rooting for them or supportive. he should have his own things going on.

also. mike’s not a doormat. yes, he stays in derry. but those were life-death consequences for generations of children. it’s really not comparable to almost any decision mike would make in a pennywise free universe. yes, he made a sacrifice in the book but i don’t think he’d just lay himself down in any given universe to whatever fate wants to hand him. but this is where i end this topic bc i’m actually only barely beginning to get to this topic in my own fic!

it’s hard writing the losers young sometimes bc i do feel relationships are naturally a little unbalanced based on basic maturity levels as young people. sometimes friendships just are unbalanced bc of who people are at that time. everyone involved can still be good people in these relationships. it’s about growing together and learning how to be good friends to each other.

for example, in &tfat: certain losers are always checking in with others. others are really wrapped up in their own shit and don’t really notice what bothers the others. it would probably take a chart the size of a textbook to explain how i think this dynamic wholly pans out in full. and yeah, i think it grates on mike a little bit that he is always the checker and never the checkee.

but even when mike snaps, even when he gets upset, i always write it coming out of him with a lot of love. i genuinely think mike, regardless of experience in that fic, has the deepest understanding of love as its own concept and an understand of how exactly it rules his life and and his relationships. mike knows to feel strongly about something he has to care about it. there are lots of things he just doesn’t care about. in the book it’s stated he’s difficult to connect with as an adult. he’s distant. he’s focused on what he wants to focus on. i think mike is actually the most interesting when he becomes a little bit of a disaster man with very little time for what doesn’t interest him.

which last thing, dislikes & disinterests

-what annoys him?

-what makes him genuinely angry?

-what bores him to tears?

i always make jokes that i bring up the nastier parts of the losers bc i love nasty boys but thinking of things people don’t like is as much a part of them as the things they do.

for example, in &tfat, i write richie as making fun of “nerdy” things like anything you could find at comic con. i write bev as not giving a fuck about sports. bill doesn’t care about richie’s music tastes. eddie hates getting condescended to.

bc of the ... kind thing, mike’s one of the harder losers to do this with. i genuinely think mike would listen to any of his friends tell him about anything. & he knows, in return, they can’t say shit when he wants to ramble about history. but dislikes can also be super situational.

again, for example in & tfat: mike doesn’t like when his friends talk about college right now. no one is really being sensitive to him at all. he hates getting blamed for stuff that isn’t his fault, mostly bc it keeps happening.

anyway. i based a lot of my mike (mostly sense of humor and personality) off of a mix of real life friends of mine. it’s a luxury. i know. i’ve been blessed to have friends from literally all walks of life & for me borrowing little habits & quirks & sayings & jokes to slip into my fics and characters is my way of writing one massive love letter to those ive known. i hope i’ve helped you in some way anon. n if not.... don’t be sad i’m hardly one to take writing advice from anyway jandjxjx

overall, as i used to do often, i’d genuinely stop myself and say: is this a person, or a convenience for the plot? and if it was the latter, sigh, and get my backspace key ready.

#mike hanlon

[my-nameless-bliss]

as someone w anxiety how do you manage interacting with customers at work? I got hired at a grocery store and I'm stressed about working with customers all day long

Alright, this answer’s gonna suck, but I have to be honest:

I’ve been working at the front desk of my office for almost 6 years now, and I still get anxious every time I have to deal with a customer. Honestly. It’s my least favorite part of my job. I’ve always told my boss that this would be my dream job if they’d just shove me upstairs in a cubicle far away from the front door. 

But the bright side is that even with how anxious I get, I’ve been successfully working there for 6 years and my stress about customers has never caused any problems (apart from the stress, obviously). And trust me, it absolutely gets better over time. Even if you never get comfortable dealing with customers (like me), it gets so much easier once you’re comfortable in what you do at work, and you’re confident that you know what you’re doing. 

For when you first start out, my advice would be to figure out who your resources are, so that if a customer asks you for something and you have no idea how to help them, you know someone you can ask (whether it’s a supervisor or a coworker with more experience). Having a safety net makes it a lot less nerve-wracking when customers approach you, since you don’t have to rely solely on your own knowledge - especially when you’re just starting and your knowledge is probably pretty limited. Even when I didn’t need to ask anyone for help, it made me feel much more comfortable to know that there was someone I could ask if I needed to.

 As for the day-to-day stuff, my best advice is to fake as much happiness as you can possibly manage. I know how much that sucks, but in my experience, customers either expect you to be cheerful as hell, or they’ll be pleasantly surprised if you are. It’s amazing how much nodding and saying “Yeah,” with a big ol’ smile will do for you. I’ve had customers talk at me for upwards of 10 minutes straight about things I know absolutely nothing about but I pretended that it was super cool and said “Wow” whenever there was a pause and they never caught on that I had no fucking clue what was happening. 

Honestly, the best advice I can give is to take care of yourself. I still get stressed out dealing with customers every single day, but I do whatever I can to make my time there as nice as possible. I always take opportunities to be away from the front desk, I make sure I’m completely alone on my lunch breaks (even if that makes it really obvious that I’m avoiding my coworkers), and I do whatever I can to de-stress myself once I get home. 

Customers can be totally shitty, and even perfectly nice ones can make you anxious for no logical reason. But if you pretend you’re super happy, know who can you go to for help, and be as nice to yourself as physically possible, I promise you can truck through it. I know this is literally just saying ‘fake it til you make it’, but there’s a reason that saying is so popular. 

I hope everything works out for you at your new job! Everything seems super intimidating when you’re new, but remember that everyone there was new at some point. Best of luck! And if you have really stressful days and you absolutely hate it, you are always welcome to come vent in my inbox!!! 

#dealing with customers sucks #i think literally anyone who deals with customers will tell you this #but you get used to it #even if it's never a GOOD experience #it's still less shitty than it was at first #capitalism fucking sucks but at least this is a source of income! #just know that i'm going through basically the exact same thing #and i will always be here to talk to about anxiety and customer service! #nykeigh answers #anon