#i sound so selfish rn but it's been a month and i miss her | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sugarsnappeases · 4 months

Note

hi!! i see your thoughts on bartylily and i am eating them uppp. but i ask any thoughts on regubartylily? do we think they could work out?

hi hi darling!!!

i'm intrigued by this bc ofc i love bartylily, and i love bartylus and i'm occasionally partial to a bit of regulily as well but i don't think i've ever actually thought of them as a trio before….. am pondering it now tho and i feel like i could kinda get behind it??

bc in my mind regulus is the poshest, most pretentious person to ever walk the earth, he’s whipping out the most absurdly formal vocabulary at all times so it sounds like he’s gone and looked up synonyms in a thesaurus w every single word, he’s literally wearing a custom silk suit to bed and rising in the morning like a vampire from a coffin and there’s not a single crease in the fabric, and then he’s being confronted w barty and lily who’re just. they’re just sooooo

i think regulus, my fave repressed loser weirdo, would be just slightly fucking terrified by the two of them, especially if they’re together to start w which for some reason is the way i’m viewing them rn. like bartylily being this insane, incredibly intense couple who commit a lot of recreational arson and never miss a chance to cause a scene and regulus, who would rather die than be perceived while in public but also desperately craves the kinda all-consuming attention that the two of them have for each other, is just So overwhelmed by them

like reg hasn't expressed a single emotion in at least a decade, he's the embodiment of unflappability but in quite possibly the worst way ever, he hasn't had a day off since the dawn of time, he hasn't let himself relax since even before that, he doesn't have a single friend in the world and he's convinced himself he doesn't need them bc he's on his mindset grindset (my poor sad baby is debilitatingly lonely actually) but then somehow he's coming face to face w lily evans and bartemius crouch jr.

lily evans who's highly competent and driven but also messy and outspoken and often rude, who thinks that everything should happen exactly as she wants it to and if it doesn't then she'll make it, who's a force of nature and who has probably killed a man and who is inexplicably in love with barty. barty who's as sharp as a fucking knife and as dangerous as one too, who's wrapping himself up in so many layers of irony that it's impossible to tell what he really means at any given time, who has had a criminal record since the ripe old age of six and who took one look at lily and threw himself down at her feet. and the two of them are angry at the world and taking what they want from it without asking and overly obsessed with each other to the point that it’s uncomfortable to watch but reg can’t seem to look away

maybe this is just typical to me in all of barty's relationships bc in my mind (my mind which has been obsessing over barty/michelangelo parallels for the last month lol) he’s just brimming with undying devotion, he’s putting his entire self into a relationship in this almost masochistic, de-subjectivising translation of the self into the body of the object of his desire or whatever, and lily to me has that sort of intensity as well, kinda selfish in the sense that she's taking and taking and he's giving himself up entirely but it's okay bc she's doing the same for him so in the end they're balanced in that they've both entirely relinquished themselves to each other and merged into one ridiculously feverish entity, they're constantly together, they're a fucking tornado sweeping into regulus' life and uprooting everything that he had so carefully laid into place

and like, in the aftermath of this complete kinda excavation, they're lounging around and getting high together and reg’s having epiphanies like ‘is this relaxation?’ (picture that meme w the butterfly) and he's like. expressing his desires for the first time in his entire life, he doing things bc he wants to do them and not bc someone told him to or bc he thinks he should. and he's swept up in the tornado and just as obsessive and intense and devoted to the two of them as they are to him and he's flourishing like a pot plant being put in the sun and watered, his little sickly victorian child complexion actually gets some colour to it bc he's blushing all the time at the things they're saying to him

and anyway in conclusion, i think i can get behind any bartylily + someone else ship as long as everyone involved worships the ground that lily evans walks on and is also slightly scared of her. but also yes regubartylily has my stamp of approval, we do indeed think they could work out <333

#asks <3 #regubartylily #also sorry this took a while i was Thinking and also sorry this got. kinda long #literally ask me things at your own risk i’m liable to ramble #but also tysm for asking me i LOVE getting asks everyone please ask me all the questions ever <333 #have we settled on the name regubartylily btw?? bc i feel like maybe i prefer #bartylilylus

7 notes · View notes

shelbywanders · 3 years

Text

“Dear pregnant, glowing, happy friend,

Let’s cut to the chase: Yes I did ignore the scan photo, the maternity pictures where I’m sure you’re gently holding your swelling bump & gazing wistfully into the distance (I haven’t looked to be honest) and your invitation to the baby shower. There are no hearts or comments from me on those. I’ve put you on mute.

You have plenty of friends, half of whom are pregnant like you so I hoped you wouldn’t notice, but you clearly have. I hear you’re a bit upset with me over this. I’m honestly not a horrible person, so here’s why you’re suddenly dead to me, and I hope that you can try to understand:

I can’t stand looking at pregnant women at the moment, and unfortunately I can’t make an exception for you. Yes, you’re more than a walking womb – you’re my friend & we’ve got history, so how dare I ignore you just because you got pregnant, right? What kind of evil witch does that?

This cuts both ways though – as my friend you know exactly what I’ve been through trying to get pregnant. You see, I’m currently an infertile woman and you’re a pregnant woman, and absolutely everyone is happy to throw my mental health under a bus to make a fuss of you. Including you. I’m expected to suck it up for you, but it’s the end of the world if I expect the same consideration. That’s just the way it is apparently – I don’t make the rules.

We have all said “Be kind!” but do we mean it?

It doesn’t matter how much we say “be kind!” and “mental health is important!” when you’re a woman that’s not able to make babies. My mental health matters less than a like on a picture of a scan to some people – and definitely less than a party. You can withdraw our friendship because you think that I owe you the appropriate amount of fawning over your baby shower, even though you know I’m in the middle of IVF. Yes, that sounds appalling, I’m not proud of saying that, but as I will continue to mention – this is a mental health issue – it’s not about manners.

It is not your fault that you don’t understand what’s going on with women like me, and I’m not actually mad with you for that. I’m mad with a society that treats infertile women like they’re selfishly making a fuss, if they dare to try and excuse themselves from the carnival of joy that follows a pregnant woman into the office and beyond. That seems to forget about us & then gets annoyed when it’s reminded that we do exist. That can laugh kindly and be understanding about the emotional behaviour of a pregnant woman, but is quick to label us selfish or drama queens or jealous, if we are sensitive about trauma triggers such as pregnancy. It feels like we’re pitted against each other somehow, and it’s so unfair. We have phrases like “hormones” and “baby brain” to ensure that we make space for a pregnant woman’s reactions and emotions, but we don’t have a way to tactfully say to pregnant women “Hey, maybe you should give your friend with fertility struggles some space and not shove that big old pretty bump in her face right now!”

Of course pregnant women are in a vulnerable and unique position, and pregnancy is hard and of course we should all look out for them. I’m just saying – anonymously, because I know how deep this goes in society, that maybe we don’t have to routinely disregard the mental health of infertility sufferers, for the sake of special parties and social niceties? Those things could take place without us. You could graciously excuse us from all of that, if you knew how deep our suffering runs.

Instead we’re expected to fawn over people who (innocently) trigger our deepest feelings of sadness and anger, with a fake smile on our face and a congratulations card – and I’m sick of it. We’re all sick of it, but I’m just especially sick of it at the moment. I don’t deserve it – and you don’t deserve this bitter version of me that exists at the moment. What if I could just say hey – congratulations but I’m just having a hard time with this because I can’t get pregnant myself. You could say “OK, good luck with that. Not going to be offended if you don’t get involved right now, but you’re always welcome in the future!”

What if we could handle infertility vs pregnancy better?

So we don’t currently handle it that well, and I’m going to miss your whole pregnancy, and that’s obviously a big deal, right? I don’t actually want to miss a huge chunk of your life, but here’s the kicker – I have to. For my mental health. Because it’s just as important as your mental health. You, as a woman who hasn’t had fertility issues, and apparently got pregnant just by glancing at your husband’s penis in the shower- have no idea what’s happening to me. You will think – as society tells you to, that I am being bitter and uncaring and mean because it’s just in my nature to be like that. That I’m making it “all about me”, when I actually just want to slink away unnoticed. But why would you know any better if no-one ever tells you this stuff or talks about it? Can we just bloody stop this merry-go-round and get real about it please? I’m not mean or uncaring – I’m just struggling with pregnancy. Including yours.

Give me a pass for heaven’s sake. I couldn’t even cope if my cat got pregnant right now, never mind someone I went shopping at Tammy Girl with. Pregnancy is deeply, horribly triggering when you desperately wanted a baby and tried your hardest, but instead you had a miscarriage, a chemical pregnancy, a failed embryo implant, an ectopic pregnancy, a termination for medical reasons or a stillbirth. Show me a woman with fertility struggles who hasn’t had at least one of those. A scan is the very last thing you want to look at. A baby shower is the last place in the universe you want to be. But I’m not allowed to simply say “Thanks so much for the invite, truly happy for you but can’t deal with pregnancy RN because I’m doing IVF again” in case it impinges for five seconds upon your fairy-tale. I wonder if I’ll be the same if I ever get pregnant. Probably not, knowing what I know now.

Fertility struggles have given me a new perspective

So what is it that I know now? That infertility is traumatic. That IVF is mentally and physically hard, and it doesn’t always work. That it can cause relationship strain and feelings of inadequacy and mental health challenges galore. Financial struggles. Hormonal drugs. Constant stupid comments from people who don’t understand. There’s something else too.

Women with fertility issues have to track everything – periods, ovulations and appointments. They are often acutely aware of how old their own lost and maybe-babies would have been at any given time, as well as the ongoing sense of loss they experience from not being able to have a baby. Nature has a really cruddy way of timing baby showers in the same month as our due-dates that never were. Your baby shower is two weeks after my due date 2 years ago. I should be bringing my nearly 2 year old with me. See, I told you we track everything.

Do you really want me to explain that I’d be bringing the baggage of my lost child with me to this party? Do I owe you that? Or could you, you know, just be understanding that baby showers might just be a little bit hard for someone that’s been trying to get pregnant for longer than you’ve known your husband?

So that’s my confession, and I’m going to passive-aggressively post it on my wall and hope that you read it. I can’t come to you with my truth, because I’d risk “stressing you out” and “making it all about me” if I did. I can’t just suck it up, because my mental health is too fragile for that right now. So here I am as a woman with fertility struggles, asking for a little understanding from my friends. Can we call a truce? Can we be more honest with each other? Can we accept that pregnancy is wonderful for you but hard for others? As a woman trying so hard for a baby, I live in hope.”

https://bestfertility-now.com/letter-to-my-pregnant-friend-your-happiness-and-my-mental-health-are-not-compatible/?fbclid=IwAR2YARsPG6r_GLntyasTkwhf_fVJ_XTfG6YbMX6BEdpa6BGOlh9jR1EaB5g

99 notes · View notes

bansheeoftheforest · 3 years

Note

Uh, is there still an angst break? Ignore this ask until your ready if so 👉😎👉

What was the au where Jekylls pushed down the stairs and experiences a skull crackening again? Oh well but I've been thinking of a branch of that where Jekyll doesn't know hes dead like all day. I also cant remember if that was already discussed or not

The lodgers patch him up, he complains of a headache, and goes on his merry way! He's confused why all the lodgers are so nervous and being nice to him all of the sudden, why creature is looking at him with a stange mix of empathy and pity. He was told he fell down the stairs, fell unconscious, and obtained a bit of an injury. He cant fathom why Frankenstein is "The only doctor who can treat him" why he has to constantly go to her for checkups. Why Maijabi is suddenly following him practically everywhere.

Hyde squeezes back control for a moment and tries the potion but it doesn't work. Maybe a bit of pain but certainly no transformation. Jekyll assumes his injury or whatever medication they're giving him to treat it somehow negated the effects

Jekyll complains about "suddenly blacking out" the lodgers know its because his soul is slippery. They tell him it must just be a side effect of the injury and not to worry

How long can they keep it secret from him? When does he find out? Does he? Does it get to be years only for him to realize that he hasn't aged? That he still needs checkups from Frankenstein? Does he learn sooner? Does a lodger crack and say it? Does he rot? Does he notice how so very cold he is. How animals act around him? It's all very interesting,,

I actually did think a bit of Jekyll's kidnappers for the amnesia kidnapping au! When drawing that lil sketch of Henry and O'Leary meeting Robert I had considered making it so O'Leary was suspicious of Lanyon like "Oh theres no news anywhere of someone matching Thomas' description who's missing. But some random people walk up claiming to know him? Begging to take him back with them?" And he'd think they were the kidnappers. But ultimately I decided against it as I felt Lanyon and Rachel were pretty clearly, genuinely concerned for "Thomas" :p

I tried playing assassins creed once, the first(?) one. But the controls were confusing and everything was sorta thrown all at me at once, and I got bored of it quickly

But! I went to the store the other day and just so happened to notice Syndicate was being sold for 15 dollars 👀 So I bought it because funky Victorian assassins and your influence! It's a bit less confusing then the first ac game I tried but why is going down or dropping so hard bdksnks. I'm having quite a bit of fun! If you dont count my rage and annoyance-, the B button refuses to cooperate with me unless I'm looting corpses >:(

The b button being the bane of my existence aside, I AM having fun! I like the funky outfits and I want to play as the girl twin (evie?) forever because her clothes are good and shes better at attacking than jacob(?) For some reason. Probably the stun her weapon has? Oh well! I have not unlocked any new outfits yet, nonetheless I wish there were more.

Also! I was thimking, and my current quests are taking place at 1868? Did I get that right? And Jekyll is like 35 in 1885. So in game he'd be 18! An au like I believe you mentioned sounds very interesting 👀 but I must play more to know what's going on and daydream about it

That would be the resurrection au <3

But god, I really like that branch! Especially combined with the hc that he can't feel pain bc the HJ7 and the transformations made him immune. Frankenstein patched him up and made fleshweaver to heal the crack in his skull but it still has to be bandaged, he surely broke a few bones, yet all he has to do is to be careful because it doesn't even hurt. He doesn't even realize how severe the injuries are because it doesn't hurt, it very well might just have been that he accidentally slipped at the bottom of the staircase and accidentally hit his head on the railing during his fall, rather than getting physically pushed and flying down the stairs, shattering his skull upon impact with the marble floor. Y'know what would be extra fun? If he only starts getting a bit suspicious about how severe the injury was once he realizes his lungs stop breathing for minutes at a time when he gets distracted, or his heartbeat stops dead in his chest. I know that that's not how biology or even creature works but lets say the HJ7 is funky, Zombie Jekyll my beloved. Perhaps he would only fully grasp what had happened once he blacked out too much and 'passed out', but his soul slipped out enough to leave his body unconscious on the floor while his soul/ghost was just... Watching. And it's not until Maijabi (who, as you said, follows him everywhere) immediately calls for more Lodgers saying that Henry's soul is getting unstable and Frankenstein's lousy job is starting to shine through that he fully understands that it was not a mere hit to the head. Or maybe it is when days, weeks, maybe months has passed and the headache never goes away, he only feels how his body starts feeling so much more... Fragile and delicate, that the guilt has eaten Helsby up alive and he corners him and spills everything, knowing he is going directly against what the group agreed to but not being able to keep it a secret much longer-- or maybe Creature would tell him immediately, once Henry is, for once, alone perhaps days after the initial accident. He cannot see Henry struggle to understand what is going on when he already knows what's happening to Henry, his mind, and his body. He doesn't listen to the plan that Frankenstein and the Lodgers has set up and immediately tells Henry the first moment they are alone. That would certainly be horrifying, I can only imagine how the Lodgers would find Henry after that, once he actually knows and manages to process everything. He would be so mad, not only to have been killed in the first place, but also because he was robbed of an afterlife because the Lodgers were selfish and could not accept the consequences of their actions. He would be mad, he would be so pissed and I have no doubt he might actually be mad at Maijabi too for even agreeing to help Frankenstein and the rest of the Lodgers. That anger would not stay long, though. That anger would soon turn into misery and sadness and paranoia so even as Henry has tried to push Maijabi away, Henry still ends up on his doorstep begging him to help him make sure he is not rotting, because no matter what anyone says, he is sure he can see rotten spots and patches on his skin and he is just so scared and jdhfjsdfdsfsfs... <3

Ooooooohhh, I was actually daydreaming about this just this morning! Granted, I woke up at 5 and began to daydream to fall asleep quicker but I still like the thought of O'Leary being suspicious of Robert/Rachel/Jasper/the Lodgers bc he is protective of 'Thomas' and doesn't want anything bad to happen to him and especially with the idea that Henry still has hallucinations and they both think he was abandoned by his family, left to rot at a mental asylum. O'Leary might very well think that it might be Henry's friends and family that dumped him that Henry had 'escaped' the hospital and that's why they knew he was missing since the Asylum itself obviously wouldn't have posted the news... I really liked Jeks idea, okay? Like a lot, I absolutely love it <3

Oh, the oldest AC game I played was Unity bc it was free after the Notre Dame fire, and I can confirm, I played 15 min and could not get through it even if i would have wanted to, it absolutely sucks so i have no doubt the older games are just as frustrating <3

BUT!!!! I'M SO GLAD MY CORRUPTION IS SPREADING AND YOU BOUGHT AND PLAYED IT AND ARE ENJOYING IT SO FAR!!! Trust me, Syndicate truly is an absolutely amazing game and is definitely one of my top 3 games of all time. I sometimes play it w my friend watching me play and trust me, I know that rage of trying to do smt but the character does smt else... or you try to do smt but the game doesn't react and you miss your chance... Oh well, still a wonderful game <3

My friend loves to play as Evie as well but I'm definitely playing Jacob every chance I get and I honestly get a lil pissy when I have to play as Evie bc I always prefer to play male characters, plus, I just like Jacob better bc he is a sweetheart. He is also canonically bisexual as hell!!! Have you met Abberline yet? The police officer? Him and Jacob together is one of my fave ships for the game. I also bought the ultimate/golden/whatever name it was edition so I had a bunch of extra outfits, I love the sherlock holmes outfit for Jacob but my friend keeps bullying me for it </3

Honestly? The time difference is the bane of my entire idea for the au bc if it's during their time Henry hasn't even graduated yet, and definitely not well-known enough for them to actively meet for whatever reason, and if you use the timeline for the jack the ripper dlc (in 1888) a lot of... Less than pleasant things happen so it wouldn't really make a lot of sense for a crossover to happen at that point but maybe it's just bc im a pussy and refuse to play the dlc. Rn, while imagining the au, I just imagine the 1868 timeline to be the same as the TGS timeline. I like to imagine the Frye Twins hearing about Henry and the Society and promptly breaking into his office to ask him to make poison and stuff for them. I also have a feeling that Jacob would flirt wildly with Henry and that Henry would be less-than-amused. It would also be a very fun thing with the fact that there would be two Henrys, with TGS Henry Jekyll and AC Syndicate Henry Green, soo... XD

#Man I really want to hear your journey through syndicate!!!#Oh man I cant wait until you meet Maxwell #and Crawford for that matter #he was the guy I based the crawford in the fic off of bc i had no idea what else to do <3 #OHH there would also be a lot of mixup with Lucy Thorne and TGS Queen Lucy #oh i can imagine them being rivals #that would be fun <3 #ask #darling-dolly-darlene #banshees au #resurrection au #amnesia kidnapping au

13 notes · View notes

meetmymouth · 4 years

Text

the one where harry pays his ex’s rent (harry styles imagine)

READ PART 1 HERE Word count: 2,6k Disclaimer: not proofread.

She looks at the phone on the passenger seat. No one called her. Though, there was only one person who would’ve called her that night. She wanted him to call. It wasn’t because she left the house for attention but she at least waited for his text to either ask where she was going or if she was okay.

But it never came.

Once she parks the car in front of the too familiar white building, she grabs her phone and locks the car before going up the couple of stairs that led to Nick Grimshaw’s flat. They weren’t best friends but one: Y/N liked him and two: he lived close.

After a few minutes of greetings and hugs and sad smiles, Y/N finds herself in Nick and now his boyfriend Mesh’s spacious kitchen with a cup of tea in her hands. Nick’s dog Pig sits near Y/N’s legs in hopes of some cuddles and treats.

Mesh was the first to break the silence.

“Going to the shops for some fags, I’ll take Pig too, you two need anything?” bless him, he asks quietly as if he was speaking to a baby.

Nick shakes his head while Y/N could only muster a tiny smile.

And then there were two.

“Let’s sit,” Nick speaks softly and guides Y/N towards his spacious sofa.

She takes notice of the paused rom-com on the TV and she feels kind of embarrassed to have been interrupted the couple’s night.

After a minute of sitting down and looking at each other, she begins talking as if someone had just pressed her ‘on’ button. In between sentences, she starts shedding tears in frustration while at the same time trying not to think about how weird she might’ve looked whilst doing so. She needed a good cry and she was lucky for Nick’s presence.

She tells him everything after Nick gives his word that he didn’t know about what Harry did and that they hadn’t even had a proper chat in weeks.

“So you just left?” he asks later when she stops crying.

He takes the now long forgotten red mug from Y/N’s hands and places it on one of the books that was on the coffee table.

At the sight of her now cold tea, Y/N wants to start crying again as she remembers how Harry also makes a habit of leaving his tea go cold after a few sips. Just the thought of Harry in bed, the reading glasses sliding down his nose slowly and his soft, bare hands holding the mug makes her heart heavy.

“He spent thousands on her. It’s not even the fact that he spent his money on her it’s just-“ she sniffs once more.

She continues:

“Why? Why is he this daft? He always does questionable things out of kindness but this just- it ruined me. How could he not share something like that with me”

“Y/N I don’t even know what to say,” Nick too looks frustrated as he slides his long fingers through his equally long quiff.

She sighs and ignores the urge to throw up the mini tacos she had for lunch that day.

“Look. I don’t really know Camille, only met the girl once,” he admits hesitantly. “I don’t want to point fingers but you know H. What if she manipulated him?“

Y/N didn’t want to put the blame on her because first of all, she didn’t know her and didn’t know her side of the story and second, she wasn’t going to try and shift the blame since it was Harry who accepted to go through such thing. “I feel like shit.”

Nick gives her a broken smile and strokes her arm at the confession.

“Well... understandable.”

She honestly takes no offence at his bluntness; she knew Nick by now and knew him well enough to know that he was very straight forward and never spoke to offend his friends. In most cases.

When she opens her mouth, her phone lights up on her lap. At the cheesy smile of Harry that shows up on her screen, she takes a deep breath.

They both stare at each other until Nick grabs the phone between her thighs and places it face down next to Y/N’s tea. She feels instant relief as he doesn’t pester her about answering it.

“You can stay here tonight if you like, although I know it would make him feel like shit and I would really want you guys to talk this through. Have you at least texted him where you are?” he asks, watching her closely.

“I don’t care about how he feels. He deserves to feel like shit,” she basically scoffs.

“Just send him a text love, let him know you’re safe. I know him, he’s probably pulling his hair strand by strand right now” he tries again which makes her sigh and lean back.

Nick was such a weird person, she thought. In a good way. She met him through Harry but they hit it off as soon as Y/N gave him hell for his questionable fashion choices and his haircut. Since then, they kept in touch and at times, they invited each other over for drinks or dinner since they lived really close.

She felt grateful and loved and it made her even more angry at Harry.

Trying to be more sensible, Y/N reaches for her phone and texts him, ignoring the five missed calls.

At a friend’s. Don’t want to talk rn.

She never doubted his love and loyalty. Even in a situation like this, she knew he loved her. She wasn’t the type to go on and on about the possibility of her partner still being hung up on their ex.

She knew he wrote songs about his ex. A lot of them.

OK, when she first heard Cherry she felt like crying at first but then came to love the song so much so that she never once skipped the song when it came up on her driving playlist and even sang along.

She knew they both didn’t have time for what ifs and immature games like starting arguments about the ex. They were honest with each other and that was enough for them.

Well. They were.

She took pride in always being honest with him- maybe except the time when spent two days morosely contemplating how to tell him how she crashed her car into his motorcycle that left a tiny dent on the vehicle.

Call her selfish but she wouldn’t compare the two together.

“I think I’ll go,” she stands up, giving one last pet to the black pug who was yawning under the coffee table. This made Nick stand up as well.

He looked like he wanted to argue but he wasn’t the type to do so.

“The offer still stands. Just... just try to be open minded about this, yeah? I know what he did is wrong but still.”

“Thanks for the tea and sorry for throwing a pity party at your house,” she tries laughing but only a pathetic chuckle leaves her chapped lips which earns a slap from Nick.

“Come here you,”

They hug until Y/N sniffs again and Nick gives her a one last look.

“You alright to drive?” he asks once they’re standing outside, Nick’s foot squished between the door to keep it from closing.

Despite it being May, evenings were still chilly so she cuddles Harry’s jacket even more, as the faint smell of his cologne remained present.

She smiles- genuinely smiles at his thoughtfulness. “Yeah, it’s like a five minute drive. Thanks again. Mesh seems great, I’m really happy for you.”

He gives her a smile of his own and a side hug before she goes down the stairs, into the car. As she checks the left wing mirror and drives away, she smiles at Nick’s loud ‘love ya’ coming from behind.

When she arrives at the flat, she sees that the light outside was on which makes her feel woozy.

When Harry stays in London, at hers during the winter, he always tells her he would leave the light on since it would get really dark by the time she got home from work. It always made her smile and now it teared her insides apart because how could he be this stupid?

Part of her wanted to go inside, hug him real tight and say, ‘it’s okay, you’re just an idiot but I love you I love you I love you, let’s make a cuppa and watch stupid reruns of Corrie’ but she knew that wasn’t realistic. She knew that wasn’t fair on her, on both of them really.

She knew he knew that she was home because the Mercedes made a lot of noise and they both knew the sound by heart. She also knew that he changed his position on the couch numerous times because he was nervous and didn’t want to seem too comfortable when she came in.

After grabbing her things and locking the car, she walks to the door and then, she was inside the cosy flat.

Harry’s green Nikes were still where she saw them last when she first got back from work. The house still smelled like vanilla. She could still see the dust build-up on the small table that held their keys and other knick-knacks. It was as if nothing had changed and it made her want to break down and cry right next to Harry’s trainers because she was that pathetic.

She takes her shoes off, throws everything near them and goes inside where he could see Harry sitting on their well-loved pink sofa.

If she weren’t this angry and hurt, she would make fun of his greasy curls and pout.

When she was fully inside the living room, he slowly lifts up his head and looks at her. When their eyes met, she hears him sniff.

“You’re back,” he speaks quietly as if there was a baby sleeping in the other room.

She doesn’t reply. In fact, his question makes her angry. Didn’t he see she was back? Why was he breathing so hard? Why was that strand of hair in his eyes? Was she wearing a bra?

As soon as her minds drifts off to a weird place, she manages to turn it all off and concentrate on Harry.

She walks further into the living room and sits down on the armchair, wanting to keep her distance. Her hands immediately find their place between her thighs.

Minutes pass and she finally begins talking.

“I’m not even going to ask why you didn’t tell me. I just want to know why you did it in the first place because I’m really curious.”

He sniffs again but she knows it’s mostly because of hay fever acting up.

“She called me two months ago. She said she was in a lot of debt. She said she started renting this place downtown LA and that her and-”

“Bloody hell, where was I when you had a heart to heart?” She cuts him off, growing angrier by the second.

“The friend also left her alone at the house so she couldn't to pay the rent herself-” he explains but Y/N’s scoff shuts him up.

“And since you’re like, shitting money, you jumped at the opportunity?” she can’t help but mock him out of frustration.

Harry looks distraught as he slides his hands through his curls. The movement catches Y/N’s attention but she lowers her gaze so that she wouldn’t think about how soft his curls looked despite the grease.

He opens his mouth again, probably to tell her off for cutting him off for the second time but he knew better than that.

She then blinks twice when their eyes meet again, to tell him to go on.

“It was a mistake,” Harry starts, “I know and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away. You and mum always tell me off for being too nice and well, you’re right. Of course you are.”

When she doesn’t speak, he continues:

“I paid two instalments of her rent. I felt bad for her but I knew- I know that it was stupid of me. I know and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you or- or talk to you before,” he gulped and slid his fingers through his hair. “I knew I fucked up after the money went through. I now have nothing to do with her, I promise you. I know you’re angry with me. Rightly so. But please know that I’m sorry. I really am,”

He looks close to tears and Y/N sighs, going to sit down next to him on the sofa. This surprises Harry and he looks down.

“You’re just- you’re so nice, Harry. And I don’t mean it in a positive way. Sometimes your kindness backfires. And this is huge. You went behind my back.”

“Are you done with me? With us?” He practically whispers and it breaks Y/N. It tears her apart and she feels like her heart is in her mouth, wanting to escape and fall in their feet.

Stupid Harry, she thinks. Stupid, stupid.

“I’m serious about this, about us. That’s why I’m this angry and hurt, Harry. I’m so hurt. Do you understand that?” she says, earning a nod from Harry.

“I do. Baby, I do. I promise. I do.”

She doesn’t reply. Instead, another sigh leaves her mouth as their eyes finally found each other.

He looks like he’s contemplating something.

“I can go, give you some space or- or I, I’ll sleep on the-” Y/N cuts him off immediately, understanding where he was going.

“Don’t be silly. No one’s leaving this house anymore tonight. I just- I just want to sleep.” she admits quietly and looks down at her hands.

She felt drained. She felt like her body was too heavy for her to handle right now. She felt hungry and hurt and hungry and hurt, hurt, hurt.

When she next looks at him, her stare is hesitant; shy, almost. She knows it’s not practical. But she says it anyway.

“Will you- I mean, can we- can we lay down for a bit? I feel like someone’s suffocating me and I... can we just lay down?” she asks quietly, almost embarrassed. She knows it’s stupid of her. It’s pathetic.

She feels like a child, running away from her problems. But she knows they’re not going anywhere.

She wants to be selfish, unreasonable right now.

When she next looks at Harry, his eyes look almost glassy. He gulps as he slowly reaches to her, wanting to test the waters.

She doesn’t let him touch her but she stands up and stands in front of the stairs. She can see Harry’s socks at the top of the stairs and it makes everything hurt even more.

She turns back to Harry who was watching her from where he stood by the sofa. After a minute of silent conversation, he makes his way towards her and they slowly go up the stairs.

When they stand in front of their bedroom, she looks at him again.

She sighs as they go insides.

Later, she thinks to herself as she climbs onto their bed, clean sheets making her sigh in satisfaction.

“Come on then,” she whispers as Harry takes off his shirt but leaves his joggers on.

As he lays under the covers, he knows they’re far from okay. He knows it’ll be a while until they’re okay. But he lays there like a statue, not wanting to do anything to make Y/N uncomfortable.

She turns her back to him and hugs the covers.

When she doesn’t make any noise, Harry sighs and turns his head towards her, watching the back of hers. He doesn’t know how long he watches the back of Y/N’s head until a pain shots through his neck.

Later, Harry thinks. They’ll do it later.

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry x reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x reader #fine line #harrysgucciloafers #my writing #harry styles blurb #one direction #harry x y/n

693 notes · View notes

stargirll01 · 3 years

Text

Oct 1, 2021

It’s October, finally. It’s a Friday night and I’m home alone typing out my feelings w a pint of chocolate chip flavored dairy-free ice cream. I’m replaying hearing damage over and over. My lamp makes my whole room light up purple & I’m crying. i had a whole cup of coffee and my anxiety is through the fucken roof. I should be out dancing and getting drunk w my friends but lately I don’t really want to. my best friend got her first bf recently and although i miss her terribly, i can’t help but feel happy for her. he seems like a good guy and she’s really happy. my other friend doesn’t like to go out that much and i guess it doesn’t really matter really, going out. there’s a boy who I’ve been friends w since middle school who keeps hitting me up to take me out. i don’t really feel anything for him. sam on the other hand, he was really kind to me. he bought me the biggest bouquets of flowers I have ever received for absolutely no reason other than to simply buy me them. i broke his heart though, im sure he hates me now and things are so different bc of my stupid intimacy issues but I simply couldn’t bring myself to like him. i cant really process feeling anything, i know it sounds insane but i don’t feel anything but sadness. he was the kindest soul ever and i fucked it up so as my punishment I’ve spent my days alone here in my room. Also I hardly ever got any attention before and now the weirdest boys dm me and i just want to hide under a rock and never come out. a lot of girls i know peaked in hs, so when i tell them about my new found sense of attention they kind of just shrug it off and kind of make me feel bad for it, that’s why most of my days are spent alone now. i wish i had a really close friend, one that maybe preferred to do similar things i like to do, maybe one day. i know all my problems seem so silly but i don’t really think I’ve ever been normal, not once in my life anyway. I set up an appt w my therapist again bc im scared ill go on a four month bender like last time. fuck feeling like shit. Some guy I’ve never even met or even like wants to take me out tomorrow but i dont really want to fucken do anything but rot in bed & i hate him anyways. I think ill just go to trader joes or sprouts and get some wine and re-watch twilight over and over. It’s been so hard for me lately, I feel emotional every fucken day of my life. I haven’t replied to anyone in days. Sometimes I want to text my ex & have him come hug me but I know that’d be really selfish and unfair of me to do so I just wallow in this emptiness all by myself. I know I should fucken love myself or something but how can I when I feel like I’m fucked in the head. The only thing keeping me sane rn is The NBHD concert next week & the cutest fucken outfit & makeup look I have in mind. Ugh I just want someone to hold me that’s all.

4 notes · View notes

imbeccablee · 4 years

Note

HAPPY BIRTH TO OUR LITTLE GREEN FERAL BOI-HC about how his birthday were when he was younger compared to now? (bonus points for Mama Inko being the only constant and for steadily more and more people being at his parties and deku having no idea how to deal with so many people who love him)

oh you KNOW I'm here for that Izuku angst!!! (sorry this is late, I didnt see this until yesterday night lmao)

before Izuku was diagnosed, he would invite katsuki and those other boys over after daycare. it would always be a little awkward bc technically those other boys are more katsuki's friends than Izuku's but their parents made them go anyway bc it was the nice thing to do

oftentimes the rest of the party would end up with the boys playing with Izuku's new toys (which made him a lil upset but his mom says he should share and not be selfish and besides, these are his friends, he wants them to like him, so its whatever. it is) and also playing Heroes (this is the one of the few times Izuku is allowed to play a hero with katsuki (bc theres no way in heck katsuki would play a villain) and Izuku LIVES for it)

usually the other boys will leave and katsuki will spend the night. this is always the best part for Izuku because, while katsuki does keep showing off, it's almost softer in a way, like the fact that it's just the two of them, alone, with the rest of the world shut out makes katsuki relax and unwind. izuku doesnt understand why katsuki isnt like this all the time. he doesnt know how to ask, either.

this of course ends with his fifth birthday. the months following his fourth, he eagerly awaits the arrival of his quirk, but it never shows. a week after his fifth birthday (which had been even more awkward and embarrassing since his quirk still hadn't manifested), he is diagnosed. and, well, nobody wanted to go to his party after that.

the kids thought he was weird and lame and the parents were afraid their own kids would hurt him somehow if they were to come over, because they all believed the quirkless to be weak and fragile. this of course also meant that none of the kids were allowed to invite him over to their parties, the only exception being katsuki's. and then katsuki fell off a log into a shallow river and izuku tried to help him up and, well.

he still invites people, oh yes. the first few years, he makes little invitation cards drawn in all might colors and an enthusiastic "you're invited!" on the front. inko, the sweetheart, helps put them in envelopes and carefully stored them in Izuku's backpack and Izuku passes them out. the first time no one shows, izuku is devastated. the second time, after yet another year of being downgraded and belittled and beaten and ignored, he is still devastated, but he is not surprised. the third time, it aches and aches and aches, and he decides he's not going to make cards anymore. it's just a waste of time and paper.

inko tried so very hard. those first few birthdays After were completely unsalvageable, but after the third (when Izuku accepted no one would come) they got better. izuku was still sad and inko was still guilty, but they always had a lovely time with katsudon and cake and all might specials. sometimes, his dad would even remember to call and wish him a happy birthday. izuku was- well, not happy, but content. he had his mother. he had his conviction, his dream. what else could he need?

(he steadfastly ignored the longing, the ache. nothing he could do would fix it so there was no point in dwelling on it. it was stupid to feel that way anyway. his birthday was just another day of the week, the month, the year. it didnt matter. he shouldnt feel so bad about it. it didnt matter)

he didn't even think about telling all might his birthday. by the time he was 14 going on 15, he didnt really care about it. it had just been a day he got a gift or two from his mother, his favorite dinner, and a night spent rewatching all might documentaries or movies or interviews. you know, like basically every night, but like, older this time. so he doesnt mention it and all might never brought it up, so his 15th birthday comes and goes like every other birthday did after his 8th.

the truth of the matter was all might figured Izuku would mention it at some point during his training, like offhandedly saying he had to get home early so he could have a celebration, or make small talk about what he'd gotten, or even ask for the day off. but Izuku never did and all might felt too awkward to ask when it was (he didnt want to seem too eager to shower young Izuku with presents like something deep inside him begged for with a vengeance, even though he very much wanted to give Izuku literally anything he asked for. it is a troubling feeling), so all might just assumed his birthday hadn't come up yet.

then all might finally gets a look at Izuku's file, since all might is now a teacher, and sees 07/15/XXXX written and probably breaks the speed of sound with how quickly he calls izuku

"why didnt you tell me about your birthday!!" "wh- I mean- it's just not that big of a deal, I didnt think it was-" "NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL???"

he takes Izuku out to a very belated and nice birthday dinner and has to force an incredibly rare piece of decommissioned all might merch from his early days into Izuku's hands. despite his embarrassment and initial reluctance, that day is ranked in the top ten of his favorite days.

izuku doesnt learn his lesson, however, and neglects to tell his newly acquired friends about his date of birth. the only reason they find out is because all might, having been passing them by at the end of the school day, wished him a happy birthday.

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY????" "uraraka please its not a big deal-" "I have to disagree midoriya, today should be special!" "I mean, I dont think birthdays are all that important either" "THANK YOU todoroki"

(and then Izuku thinks for 2 seconds WHY Todoroki thinks birthdays are unimportant and gets sad again but we're not focusing on that rn)

ochako DEMANDS that they celebrate bc theres no way in hell she's allowing her best friend to go without a birthday celebration with friends, but Izuku insists that they at least wait until summer vacation starts in less than a week, especially since he cant just come home with three friends without telling his mom

ochakos like >:( for a second, but concedes bc that's fair and then she launches herself at Izuku and gives him a big ole hug and says "happy birthday!!!" izuku's all sputtering and blushing, and then he feels a hand on either arm and Iida and Todoroki give him warm smiles and wish the same and it takes a good five minutes for his face to calm down and for him to come out from behind his arms once Ochako releases him.

so he tells his mom that his friends want to come over to celebrate soon and inko is just like 😭😭😭😭😭 because FINALLY her boy has GOOD FRIENDS who want to CELEBRATE HIM and Izuku freaks out cuz his mom is crying but she waves him off and tells him to tell the dekusquad that they can come over on saturday and that they can spend the night and that they'll have a wonderful time!!!

izuku relays two-thirds of that information in their group chat and they all agree and then basically Izuku is dreading the weekend bc the few birthday parties he's had with his "friends" before hadn't been all that great (besides the sleepover part with katsuki, though their current animosity kinda makes the memories bittersweet), and like, while he knows objectively Ochako, iida, and Todoroki are Much Better than those boys from his childhood, he just doesnt have a good frame of reference for how these things go.

anyway, so Saturday comes around and Izuku is just listlessly lazing around while his mother finishes cooking ("let me help you mom-" "nuh uh, this is for YOUR celebration mister, you arent doing a THING today), and then theres an enthusiastic knock on his door, and when he goes and opens it his friends greet him with yet another cheer of "happy birthday deku/midoriya!!"

izuku smiles because its sweet even if he doesnt particularly care about birthdays, and invites them in. they set their presents on the table and Izuku's like "you didnt have to!!" and Ochako's like "NONSENSE" and Iida is like "how could we show up at your birthday celebration without presents???" and todoroki's like "any chance to spend endeavour's money on things he wouldnt like is a chance I will never not take" and Izuku is just like akdjajdhajsb when his mom finally comes and greets them

and like. it's nice. it's really really REALLY freaking nice. Izuku didnt realize how much he was actually missing having people with him in his home besides his mom until they were there. there's a wonderful warmth filling his chest as they all eat his mother's homemade katsudon and talk about school and how excited they are for the upcoming summer trip. and when heroes come up, they ask him about different quirks and how they work and what he thinks of this hero and that hero and the only time he's interrupted from his tangents is when he stops himself because he's embarrassed for talking for so long. and then they smile and prompt him some more, saying they love hearing him talk about the stuff that interests him, and can anyone really blame him for bursting into tears?

his friends are alarmed but his mom just smiles, tearing up herself, and she asks if he'd like a big hug, and he nods, face burning bright, and then they all gather him in a warm, enveloping embrace, and he wonders how in the hell he survived without this for so long?

he's so warm and loved and for the first time in forever he feels happy during his birthday celebration.

his 16th birthday party is so incredibly different from the parties he held before he was diagnosed and from the birthdays he spent with only his mother. he'd forgotten that feeling of being cared for by people who didnt need to, or rather he'd never really known it. there's a slight twinge that it took so long for him to learn this feeling, but it's completely overshadowed by the pure elation he feels at finally being able to breathe and relax and let himself be loved.

his friends still look concerned and they obviously have questions, but they dont pry as they all continue with the party. he opens their presents and cries again and then they watch a ton of hero movies and he cries a little more. iida worries he'll dehydrate himself and Ochako fuckin loses it and Todoroki has such a soft look on his face and GOD how has Izuku lived without friends? without THEM?

it's late when they turn in, with futons and mountains of pillows and blankets surrounding them on the living room floor. izuku is nestled between Ochako and Todoroki, and he stares at the ceiling as his friends doze around him. he can feel his heart beating in his chest and, with amusement, he feels his eyes watering again, but he blinks the tears away and whispers thickly, "hey guys?" once he gets sleepy questioning murmurs, he breathes in deeply and says, "thank you." in response Ochako and Todoroki schooch closer until they're cuddled on either arm and Izuku can see Iida doing the same on the other end of ochako. then Ochako mumbles, "anything for you, deku" to which the other two boys agree. and Izuku tries to not get choked up and fails again, but its okay, because its safe here and his friends are surrounding him with warmth and love and Izuku falls asleep happy.

(their second year they have another party, of course, but this one is bigger, with the whole class. it's in the dorm, which is fine bc he doesnt think his mom's apartment could hold all of them. it's just as wonderful as his 16th birthday. he managed to hold his tears back during nearly the entire thing, and the only reason he broke was because katsuki came up to him with a perfectly wrapped box, because everything katsuki does is perfect, and shoved it into his hands with a growled well wishes. katsuki yells at him and the class laughs good heartedly as he weeps, but Izuku is just focused on katsuki, who looks soft and relaxed and nearly identical to the version of him that Izuku saw so, so long ago. and as Izuku thanks him for the present and katsuki berates him cuz "you dont even know what it is yet you idiot open it already", izuku feels a new happiness bubbling up in him, because he's so incredibly glad katsuki has been able to heal as well)

#boku on hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha #midoriya izuku #deku #bakugou katsuki #uraraka ochako #iida tenya #todoroki shouto #happy birthday to my beloved son #whom i love with all my heart

43 notes · View notes

magioftheseas · 4 years

Text

I Hope Our Future Is Beautiful

For @komahinaisle

Day 7: Future AU, Birthday, Free Day

Summary: Komaeda's relationship with Hinata has changed quite a bit over the years, and it may have all started on his birthday following when they woke up from the NWP. What else is to come? Whatever it is...

Rating: T

Warnings: Some hints at mental instability and referenced self-harm.

Notes: It is like 3am rn and I have only the best ideas at 3am so here’s the last fic for the week. I had other things to say. I forgot what they were. This won’t be the only fic I post today but I want to at least see how it does before I go and post the other one. Or something like that. Oh yeah, it’s actually the other fluffy fic! See, we’re ending things on a high note! Well. For now. Other fic’s not fluffy. Enjoy the fluff while it lasts, rip.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

He wasn’t expecting anything the first birthday after he woke up. They were all still recovering, and likely what energy they did muster up had already been expended on Koizumi. He doubted they remembered and even under better circumstances, he wouldn’t have brought it up.

Which is why it’s a surprise when Hinata presents him with a small spongy cake. He’s flustered, in a bit of a bad mood, but mutters all the same, “It’s your birthday, right?”

He had half a mind to swat that cake to the ground, but—because it was the first acknowledgment of his birthday in years, Komaeda found himself smiling.

“Thank you, Hinata-kun.”

It’s strange—but the first time, Komaeda had brushed it off as a fluke. A fluke he might as well enjoy because as much as he resents everything and everyone, he’s still a despicably lonely person who craves the smallest bit of kindness. It would be fine to just enjoy things even if he didn’t deserve them. Just this once.

Except, Hinata makes him another cake the next year. Hinata even smiles at him while offering it. An entire year and they’re on better terms, but Komaeda still hadn’t expected anything like it.

The next year, a party for him had been thrown. It was grossly uncomfortable and suffocating, but he smiled all the same. When things started getting a bit rowdy, he slipped away. He might’ve thrown up in a bush. Hinata was there to console him.

He’s not—sure what happened. Come to think of it, there had been drinking.

The year after was when the two of them started spending nights together. He’s not sure why. He thinks it was the result of another party. Mioda’s, maybe? He remembered it being cold and Hinata being quite warm. Nice to snuggle with.

He was sick the week of New Year’s, had apologized profusely, but Hinata had forgiven him with ease.

The next birthday—Komaeda Nagito made a selfish wish to see sakura trees, which couldn’t survive the island’s climate. Hinata had still acquiesced. Hinata had still been kind. And Hinata had then kissed him under the fluttering shade of pink and white.

This year, his luck ran out, and Hinata was called over for a serious mission that lasted weeks into months. Many of the others had their own duties as well. It was an incredibly busy time. Before he knew it, his birthday had passed without any fanfare. Surprisingly, he hadn’t even been disappointed.

He had gotten used to being alone first and had accepted it. Even when he came to terms with his and Hinata’s relationship, that acceptance of solitude remained. It wasn’t that strange, on second thought. After all, Komaeda had still been preparing himself for the inevitable end of their relationship.

This wouldn’t be the end—there was that, at least.

Still, his shared home with Hinata is a bit too big for him alone, just as his parents’ house had been. They had built this place together with the others being so kind as to help out. There were projects like that—some of them had agreed to stay on Jabberwock. Not all of them—but Komaeda had agreed. And Hinata had agreed.

And Hinata had suggested they live together. Except for a while now, Komaeda’s just been living alone, tending to the house and the garden all by himself. He still can’t cook, but he can harvest the crops and eat them. Every so often, Nidai shows up at their door and offers some prepared meat. Something about his diet, something about how he still needs to take care of himself even without Hinata around.

“You want your future to last, right?” Nidai asks with a laugh, and it’s striking how odd it is to hear.

Oh. I never really considered my future until Hinata-kun. Even now, I can’t bring myself to fully contemplate it. I’ve been prepared to die for too long.

It’s despairing to think, but Komaeda doesn’t voice it. As time went on, so many of his thoughts fizzled and fell to pieces. It became difficult to think of the grand scope within a world so small and society so slow to heal. He was sure there was still corruption and evil, of course—but compared to her, wasn’t it all so mundane?

He wondered when everything became a sense of normalcy despite all that he’s lived through. He lives unremarkably now—why is that?

Because of Hinata-kun? Because of Kamukura-kun? Was I set free, then, from my luck cycle?

He cuts up some bell peppers. He clinks the knife against his mechanical hand too many times for them to be innocuous accidents. He’s half-tempted to bring it down with as much force as he can muster. But, this prosthetic had been quite the product for Hinata to take on.

Souda was exceedingly careful when tuning it in Hinata’s absence. He was even pretty strict in teaching Komaeda how to perform self-maintenance for when he was on his own.

He chopped off his hand in the first place for the sake of her, someone who had consumed him without a second thought and still haunted him to this day. And, yet, Hinata replaced her so easily with this creation.

At what point had Hinata-kun and I become so entwined?

Komaeda blinked once, twice, and came up blank for answers.

How strange.

Finally, Hinata returned, dragging his feet and looking about ready to collapse.

“I’m back,” he groans, and already Komaeda is taking his coat.

“Welcome home,” is his response, given with an easy smile.

Hinata, despite still looking in a sorry state, does quirk his lips upward in return and—ah. Has he always been so striking? Has he always had this kind of air?

How strange.

He helps Hinata to bed so that he can lay down, undressing him to make sleep come easier. It’s an easy, simple gesture, one that came from comfortable intimacy. Hinata’s the one that gets flustered, even avoiding his gaze. Perhaps because it’s been a while since they were together like this.

Komaeda doesn’t push things, however, finishing up and tucking him to bed. His only indulgence is a kiss on Hinata’s temple. A soft giggle against his forehead as he brushes the other’s short spikes back. He had kind of hoped his hair would have grown out a little since he likes the feel of them.

“I’m not gonna be a free man for much longer,” Hinata murmurs, voice low and a bit raspy. “So, we really should celebrate your birthday to its fullest.”

“My birthday was ages ago,” Komaeda said, amused. “Why not just forget about it?”

Hinata shook his head firmly.

“Never. I’m never just going to forget about you.”

It’s a shame I can’t say the same. Is that why you’re making this promise? Aah. Hinata-kun, you’re such a kind person. Even if I forget you, I hope I still end up loving you.

Hinata touches his cheek. Carefully. Cherishing. Komaeda says nothing as he’s tugged closer, but is responsive when their lips meet.

Because Hinata is tired, it’s initially more the sluggish meshing of lips than anything overly passionate. But it’s comfortable, it’s still pleasant, Komaeda still shivers when his lower lip is nipped, when Hinata pulls him closer so that he can better consume him.

Soft wet smacks reach his ears, and when they part, Komaeda’s mouth feels more swollen than before. Before he can even second-guess himself, he’s already crawled onto the bed, not to pin Hinata down or to straddle him, but to press his face into Hinata’s warm neck. Hinata’s responding chuckle creates nice, soothing vibrations.

Hinata’s arms encircle him for good measure, not that Komaeda would have escaped if he could. Even if he should, sometimes.

“What do you want for your birthday?” Hinata asks warmly, breath tickling his ear. “I’ll get you anything you want, Nagito.”

“You’ve really given me enough,” was his response. “Cakes, kindness, love, belonging, and even a future. I can’t think of anything else to want. And I still think I shouldn’t want anything else at all.”

Hinata sighs, stroking his hair. He’s clearly a little unhappy with that answer. Hinata clearly wants to spoil him, after all. It’s strange, and Komaeda doesn’t understand it. But it—it does make him happy, all the same.

“We should still make up for the time we missed,” Hinata said, and Komaeda could hear the huff in his voice. “We missed out on so much already.”

We have, haven’t we? Lost because of not just despair...but hope as well. How wretched. But, we’re doing our best to move forward, even with the burdens we must bear. What awaits us ten, twenty, a hundred years from now? I hope it’s beautiful.

“You should rest,” Komaeda decided on, nuzzling Hinata’s cheek. “You need to rest. Let’s start making up for the past with sweet dreams of the future—or something like that.”

“I guess that doesn’t sound too bad.” Hinata yawned. “Nagito, mind staying with me until I fall asleep? I mean—you can leave if you have other things to do. I don’t want to force you.”

“I don’t mind. It’s okay. Sweet dreams.” Komaeda kisses the corner of his lips, re-tucking him in best he could since it had been undone by the motions made to embrace him. “Hajime.”

“Nagito,” Hinata says his name ever so sweetly, ever so soothingly, and his eyes shut. His breathing evens out. When Komaeda brushes his fringe back, his fingers run along the faded head scars.

“Happy birthday to me.”

#KomaHinaWeek2020 #nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #KomaHina #HinaKoma #Magi fics #sdr2 spoilers #This fic is pretty introspective and I forgot to tag it that #Should probably do that

53 notes · View notes

angvs · 4 years

Text

❛ ✶ ( LUKE HEMMINGS , CISMALE , HE/HIM ) — did you see ANGUS DONNELLEY walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the TWENTY TWO year old JUNIOR . from what i know , they are studying NEUROSCIENCE and are a part of DELTA PSI BETA . they come across as + EMPATHETIC but also - PERNICIOUS , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @gusdonny ) it says they are a TAURUS . when i see them , i think of dropping your coffee on the pavement , tattered crewnecks & denim , sitting in some hole in the wall restaurant at 2am , omw texts while still laying in bed , & chipped bitten nails . the most interesting thing i’ve heard about them though , is the fact that [ REDACTED ] , but don’t tell anyone i told you that .

wow y’all really went hard in your intros i am not worThy !!! hi everyone !! i’m cj and i’m from the true north , strong and free .. aka canada bby . i’m out in mountain time , which is why i am SO LATE , i was at work today :~( i’m super excited to write with you guys though !! i brought one of my favourite boys .. this is my big dummy angus , but pls if u love the boy at all call him gus .

tw : drug mention below

╰ ˚･ﾟ & some 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒔

full name: angus elijah donnelley nicknames: gus age: twenty two date of birth: april 27th hometown: malibu , california preferred pronouns: he/him orientation: pansexual occupation: n/a , currently studying at beaumont language(s) spoken: english , swedish ( very rusty ) pets: bulldog-terrier mix named cleo ( aka … luke hemmings irl puppy , i couldn’t help myself ok ) , but ... it’s a family dog , so ... she’s back at home and he misses her EVERY DAY .

PINTEREST BOARD !!

born and raised in malibu , angus grew up with strict , ambitious parents . his father a neurosurgeon , and mother an architect . it was very early on that they instilled their high expectations for the boy , teaching him the importance of discipline and responsibility . their intentions were good of course , as every parent wants to raise their child right , though angus wasn’t truly equipped . in actuality the couple came off as overbearing and their high expectations deemed unreachable in the male’s eyes . as he grew older , the feeling grew stronger that he would never quite live up to their standards – 97% on his mathematics test ?? well , why wasn’t it 100% ??

family time was scarce in the donnelley household . with both parents working full time and lots of time spent working extra hours , angus became independent quickly . his mother was flying to dubai for work quite frequently , gone weeks at a time . some weeks if felt like his father LIVED in the hospital . but he was saving lives , and how could angus be so SELFISH to want him at home . it meant he grew extremely close to his two younger sisters , often opting to spending the weekends entertaining them rather then out at parties . the family had a nanny to help , so he didn’t HAVE to , but his sisters always came first to him and being the eldest he has a serious case of protective older brother syndrome .

after graduating high school , he somehow managed to convince his parents to allow him to head abroad for the year . with promises of coming back home and hunkering down into his pre med degree . the couple really wanted angus to head straight into uni , but with tons of begging , they sent him off , bank account full . the year was spent travelling and honestly , just having FUN – a few months over in paris , london , italy , greece … some places he’d been before with his family , but not in the way he got to experience them now . angus continued his travels to japan , korea , new zealand , australia … never staying in one place for too long . but the fun had to come to an end .

as promised , angus attended beaumont upon returning back to the states studying neurosciences , getting his pre med classes under his belt . he is a legacy kid -- his father having been apart of delta psi beta when he attended the university . becoming a doctor has never quite been his dream , so much as it was his parents . while the male continues his undergraduate degree , he wonders if he should change his path , though that’s not a conversation he can have with his parents . angus has always wanted to leave an impact on others , in what way , well he’s never been sure .

╰ ˚･ﾟ & 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

a big dumb softy !!

what if i left it at that …. !! no but , honestly … he’s definitely chaotic neutral . he’s a big empath , and will usually feel for you to his core .

i have some tiktoks to link , because our beautiful admins inspired me !!! and if you do anything ... please watch these : ONE , TWO , THREE , FOUR , FIVE ( tag urself , angus is the idiot that makes the entire thing go down )

it could be sometimes annoying , because angus can’t really ‘ pick sides ’ , this boy can see the validity in all sides ( in most cases ) . he’s definitely loyal to you , but he’ll be that friend that brings up the defence just to make you really think . because of this he can be either really good with advice … or really bad , there’s no in between . he’ll hit you with a million different solutions , confident that every one is good … “ it just depends what vibe you wanna go for ”

he … gets distracted easily . he dabbles in a bit of adderall , with his course load ... it’s just kinda how he copes . definitely known to pop some pills during night study sesh’s , essays & finals week .

he doesn’t LIKE to party a ton , like … he’s just not into big crowds really ? but if he tells you he doesn’t want to go out , it’s VERY EASY to change his mind , because he has Big FOMO . but he’s 22 yanno and he’s in a big party frat so , catch him getting drunk and probably high every weekend , off to the side with a few less people , or in the smoking pit at the clubs fawning over ur outfit or smth . after he’ll drag your ass to some hole in the wall restaurant and order way too much shit .

he’s lowkey v self destructive . it’s something he doesn’t even realize he’s doing most of the time , but he’s genuinely surprised when a friend sticks around . the ones that do stick , have definitely had to deal with him fucking about and being overdramatic in an attempt to protect himself . idk why this is so important to me , but he FOR SURE made a few tik toks w that whole …. “ if i was a worm … would you still love me ? ” AND if you told him no , would be pissed for days .

very affectionate !!!! with !!!! everyone !!!!

╰ ˚･ﾟ & 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

attended a semester abroad in sweden . is very rusty now , but can hold a basic conversation in swedish .

cleo , his pup , is his absolute pride and joy . he talks about her as if she’s his daughter ok . misses her sm while away at school .

he’s so messy , but will defend himself by saying they always had a maid , and then realizes how DUMB he sounds .

sk8er boi ~~ nah , but he actually does skateboard , and is trying to perfect his kickflip rn .

loves pizza pls

is always attending live shows , he loves the music scene and frequently supports locals

will “ thrift ” the dumbest shit for hundreds of dollars …

plays guitar , but doesn’t think he’s very good

╰ ˚･ﾟ & 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏��𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔

i made up a page HERE , but PLS i LOVE brainstorming , so don’t hesitate to come to me for some brainstorming !!

#bu.intro #☠ ! ─── 𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓾𝓼 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓮𝔂 // intro.

7 notes · View notes

interludcs · 4 years

Text

BENEDETTA PORCAROLI , CIS FEMALE , SHE / HER → according to the school records , GIOVANNA ELOISA ARGENTI has been attending sacred heart for the past two years . i last saw them hanging around stan's place ; i think they were tying cherry stems into knots . at twenty - one , gio has been studying classics and get this , i heard that her bloodline has long been cursed to succumb to inevitable madness and it’s been the cause of many mysterious deaths in the family already — figure it’s true ? everyone around here always associates them with biting into an apple only to realize it’s rotten , a bloody nose dripping onto silk stockings , and the distorted screech of a violin coming from another room . in the time since these strange happenings , they have encountered unexplained occurrences .

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ QUICK STATS !

full name : giovanna eloisa argenti

nickname(s) : gio , gigi ( although she likes to think she outgrew it )

zodiac : scorpio sun , gemini moon ( click ! )

sexuality : bisexual .

occupation : student & heiress .

birthplace : rome , italy .

current residence : sacred heart academy .

pinterest : ( click ! )

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ BACKSTORY ! ( tw : depression , murder , suicide & drug abuse )

born in 1953 to one of the wealthiest families in italy ! the argenti's posses a ridiculous and tbh kinda disgusting fortune because of their distant ties to the old italian monarchy ... and are also long rumored to have been cursed hundreds of years ago as divine punishment for the sins of a past family member .

the family has a long and gruesome history — good husbands turning into killers , more than one argenti woman flinging herself off one of the many balconies in the family estate , children who hear voices in the night . more often than people care to count , these fits of madness are seemingly inexplicable .

giovanna was born on chilly autumn night . she would be her mother’s first and last child , but lucianna argenti saw her baby girl as anything but a miracle . when she was only five months old , a nanny discovered the woman trying to drown giovanna in the bathtub , stuck in a trance she’d later have no recollection of being in . long in denial of the family curse , marco argenti hired nearly every notable doctor in italy , but none of them could find a sound explanation for the violent and nonsensical trances his wife would experience for the next three years before ultimately taking her own life .

leaving giovanna to grow up all alone in the too big family estate at the hands of nannies , marco argenti would spend the better years of his only daughter’s life traveling all around europe , desperate to shake the ghost of his wife , but never succeeding .

despite all the tragedy early on in gio’s life , she had an almost typical upbringing for someone in her socioeconomic circle . a childhood devoid of the love her parents were supposed to give , nannies who gave in to the rotten demands only a wealthy child and sole heir could conjure up , a house that never felt like a home .

by the time she was a teenager , gio had grown up to be a different kind of monster — not the madwomen her classmates would snicker about when speaking ill of the blood that flowed through her veins , but something perhaps more dangerous , a selfish girl too clever and too beautiful for her own good .

on the eve of her 18th birthday her father makes his grand return home , gone so long he mistakes his daughter for a maid before a groundskeeper politely informs him of his mistake . causing more tension still was the brand new gold band on his ring finger , as well as the announcement that he’s selling the estate , and that gio’s to come live with his new wife and three small children in france .

the day giovanna argenti turns 18 is a day she can no longer remember save for waking up in the remnants of a burnt down home , ash caked underneath her fingernails , smoke burning her lungs . servants who have been loyal to the argenti family for decades will later testify that there had been a terrible accident lighting the birthday cake that night , that marco argenti had never returned home the night before , and that the family of four in paris crying murder were nothing but scammers after the family fortune .

gio spends the next year scrambling to piece together the mysterious events , a tiny voice inside her head insisting something wasn’t right with the story she’d been fed by the people who raised her , albeit confused as to why they’d hide the truth if something sinister had indeed happened that night . she could have sworn the memory of her father coming home was a real one — until she gets a letter in the mail , signed marco argenti , polaroid attached , a blurry shot of a man who bears the family resemblance standing in front of the statue of liberty .

cue the drug abuse ( coke being her poison of choice ) , the reckless and dangerous stunts all in the name of having a good time , the mind numbing sex with strangers . heart heavy with the idea that she was indeed going insane , following in the footsteps of all the argenti’s that had come before her , giovanna was left with the haunting sensation that her life was already doomed , and so she might as well make the most of it . on the flip side of this she also came to the realization that she could pretty much .... do whatever she wanted and get away with it ? people already thought she was cursed and crazy ... might as well act the part ... a little self fulfilling prophecy ... as a treat <3

in a feeble attempt to save her from an untimely and rather stupid demise , she is shipped off to sacred heart academy , a place a distant cousin once attended . mind clouded by addiction and unresolved trauma alike , giovanna can’t be sure the strange happenings at sacred heart are real at all or just a product of a dark and overactive imagination .

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ PERSONALITY + TIDBITS !

first & foremost ... gio was inspired loosely by some sexy women including miss effy stonem from skins , choi sooji from tempted , ludo from baby , villanelle from killing eve & lady macbeth minus the murder ( ... unless ? 😏 ) , as well as more lana del rey songs than i care to admit so we won’t be talking about it aha x

yes what i’m trying to say is she’s a little unhinged ... but in that fun sexy way like when amy dunne gives the cool girl speech in gone girl .

speaking of cool girls ... gio is one 😌 you would think growing up with a last name that’s literally famous for being cursed would have put a bigger damper on her popularity among people but there’s a certain fascination gio holds and she knows it . this isn’t to say she’s got a lot of friends because she definitely doesn’t , she just knows how to get people’s attention .

at her core she is clever , charming , everything someone who grew up with money is bound to be . but unlike the selfishness of other trust fund babies , gio’s operates on a different scale . she’s self obsessed , not because she views herself as better than anyone else , but because she’s so haunted by the idea that something terrible and wicked exists inside of her and it’s only a matter of time before darkness takes over .

in an effort to counter that weight , she breezes through life without taking much seriously . toying with people , the mind games she plays , it’s all an effort to distract herself , to entertain her brain with thoughts that somehow seem lighter in comparison to her own inevitable self destruction although the people she plays with might say otherwise .

consequences should scare her more than they do , but honestly she’s got a penchant for doing the things deemed bad for her . on one hand she figures little matters if she’s truly cursed , on the other hand she figures if she is cursed than whatever consequence comes her way is deserved .

flirty , but most of the time it never means anything . she is prone to intense infatuations , however , all of which have ended tragically so far so proceed with caution .

she’s definitely someone most people would know of , as she’s got an almost bad habit of striking up conversations with whoever , but ask someone to name her favorite color or any profound fact about her and they probably wouldn’t be able to .

very nosy due to her childhood of people watching and intensely studying the adults who raised her , and so the habit has carried on into her adult life . she won’t outwardly pry , but if you catch her interest she’ll unabashedly observe you like she’s an actor trying to better understand their part .

tons of fun at parties , but also in class , considering she’s snorting enough coke on the daily to treat school like it’s one big social gathering . life’s a beach baby <3

studying classics because she likes how intense the stories and history are , but she’s surprised herself by being rather good at the language aspect of the major .

deep deep down ... there is the desire to be understood and loved despite whatever uninhibited thing she’s convinced lurks around inside her but that is constantly in conflict with the idea that she’s fundamentally undeserving of real affection ... just girly things you know 🥺

━ ˙ ˖ ☆ WANTED CONNECTIONS ! ( all open to all genders )

my brain is quite literally all rot rn im just gonna list stuff with minimal elaboration please vibe with me ...

people she gets high with <3

ex infatuations that ended tragically lets get that angst

spare parental figures ... any professors out there want a demon child who will idolize u but not know how to deal with that so they just act up all the while hoping for forgiveness and the attention they never got from their own parents </3

speaking of professors i will play into the problematic trope of a student being obsessed with a professor -___- solely because i would lov to have gio go full throttle crazy ... as a treat ... this has nothing to do with that one line in lorde’s writer in the dark u know the one truly this does not have to be reciprocated at ALL

a confidant / someone she probably considers her closest friend who she is constantly disgusted with herself for opening up to but also truly not able to live without so it’s a fun cycle of push and pull but truly she’d probably die for them just don’t ask her that she’ll say no

i think it would be fun to have someone who knows about the supposed argenti curse maybe their family had some associations to gio’s or maybe they spent some time in italy at some point growing up and met her there idk im cute not smart ...

we’ve all been begging and begging i will jump on the bandwagon and ask for a sexy rival doesnt mean anything if u say i hate u after hooking up

someone she keeps bumping into when she’s sneaking out past curfew or cutting class and at first it was like dude seriously do we have to start alternating but now it turned into like wow i really hope we bump into each other again would u like a cigarette wanna listen to some music together

someone she sees a lot at stan’s place . perhaps on campus they have a very different relationship but off campus they feel free to have another

current hookups we love to see it there’s so many directions to go in maybe its purely a casual thing , maybe it’s casual for gio but not for them , or maybe gio’s the one like worm maybe i would like more than sex , maybe it’s like a we only hookup when we’re high at parties thing , perhaps it’s a secret hookup thing so it gets angsty

maybe a rival or someone she swears she hates and they swear the same but they accidentally bond along the way and it’s like well i thought i hated u but perhaps we are more similar than we thought but also we only know how to be enemies so how do we even move past this ...

perhaps someone gio goes to when she’s especially fucked up and they take care of her / start to resent her for seemingly caring so little abt her own well being and she resents them for caring too much bc it’s not liked she asked but she keeps showing up at their door and they keep letting her in

someone she can be in cahoots with ... go absolutely bonkers with knowing they won’t judge her and she won’t judge them

perhaps someone she can be a bad influence on

also someone who makes her want to be a better person bc we need balance

a group of girls gio can be like men r disgusting with but then they catch her hooking up with said stinky man and it’s just a cycle like please get some help luv

a dealer mayhaps ?

someone whose favorite pen she stole but blatantly lied and said she didn’t steal it but she uses it everyday in class so u know she did in fact steal ur pen

ok she’s out of juice i’m she

i wont lie to u ive been writing this all damn day … but we finally made it baby 😭😭😭 im sosososo sorry for the length & the wait … also i feel like my charas always change a lil once i actually start plotting & writing so sorry again if u see me finally writing as giovanna on the dash and ur like lit rally who is that … JSDBWJBDWBDJ also side note i promise u im almost done word vomiting all over the place but it must b said ... u know how there’s that trope that supposed insanity is like not always real like how female hysteria was a whole as thing or like how in haunting of hill house where the charas weren’t really haunted by ghosts at all more so by their trauma ... that was my whole inspo with the argenti’s like are they even cursed at all ? who is to say ... PLEASE come message me on discord to plot ! @ you are my soulmate ʕ´• ᴥ•̥`ʔ#8172 maybe … give this a like if u wanna … do that hehehe thank u for reading all this ur so brave for that stay sexy stan loona x

#heretics.intro #╰ ♡ . 𝒏𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕𝒚 ── ooc !#pls lets not talk abt the length the quality OR the lateness ... compliments only x #JSBDJWBDJWBDJWD

6 notes · View notes

punkscowardschampions · 4 years

Text

Ava & Grace

Ava: Hey Grace: 👋 Ava: How'd it go with gym boy? Grace: 🤞 he's got the hint 👻 Ava: That good, huh Ava: how about the rest, you know, not boys? Grace: we so aren't here to talk about me Ava: Come on Ava: Give me some normal conversation right now Grace: !!!!!!!!! Grace: 100% not gonna be that bitch, talk to ME about what's going on in your oh so dramatic life! Grace: are you okay? Ava: Okay, okay Ava: I'll just come out with it Ava: no sugarcoating Grace: Duh 🚫🍫🍬🍭 Grace: it's not a cheat day Ava: 🤫🤫🤫 Ava: You wanna hear this hot, hot tea or nah Grace: obvs Ava: You'll be the least surprised so there's that Grace: 🚫😱😱😱 Ava: You know when you came here and then married guy couldn't come and then everything fizzled out? Ava: well, it actually did, for nearly a month Ava: but then he came back Grace: OMG Grace: it's literally the MOST 💖📽🎞 like FORGET before Ava: It really was Ava: remember when I got hit by that cyclist? Grace: that was so wild! OH was he the 🚴??? Ava: 😂 Ava: Imagine Grace: your otp Ava: But no, my parents were out of town Ava: and he came to the hospital, to make sure I was okay Ava: and he took me home and looked after me Grace: I'm like about to cry???!!! that's so Grace: 😍😍 Ava: Me too Ava: and of course, I had to go on Holiday like immediately after so that was shit but since then we've been talking and Ava: he's divorcing his wife Grace: I TOLD YOU HE WAS PURE Ava: I know Ava: and I'm sorry I had to kinda lie to you Ava: but I accidentally let slip I had talked to you and he freaked and that's why he first left so Grace: Oh please, if I filmed a storytime about this ALL the comments would be calling me out as #fake Grace: I get it Ava: It does sound pretty unbelievable Ava: even more so if I actually tell you who he is Grace: are you GOING TO???!! 😱😱😱 Ava: May as well, I've had to tell Nancy Ava: Parents and Buster to go Grace: Ugh! so sorry babes Ava: I couldn't tell you before 'cos they kinda know him Ava: knew him Ava: he was one of Buster's friends from School Ava: and his crazy wife is the main girl who bullied Nancy so Ava: that was fun Grace: Really?! wtf Grace: Chelsea is like Grace: so weirdly small Ava: That's why we call 'em villages, even though you're in a big city, the actual communities are ridiculously close-knit, for better and worse Ava: oh and Ava: make it weirder still Ava: you remember that boy from my party, Teddy? Grace: UM obvs I never forget a 💋 Ava: Well, that's his brother Grace: !!!!!!!!!!!!! Grace: do they look alike cos 🧸 is 😍😍 like 🙏🙏 Ava: Kinda Ava: [sends a cute photo he would've been able to send to the fake profile] Grace: oh Grace: my Grace: god Ava: I know Ava: 😩😍 Grace: did he edit his 👀??! I'm so shook 💙 Ava: No, I've seen them up close Ava: they're actually that unreal Grace: I can't even Ava: Guess what Grace: ?? Ava: He said he loves me Grace: NO WAY Grace: 😭😭😭😭 Ava: I know, I know Ava: I can't even Grace: so are you like a thing™ now? Ava: Yeah Ava: that's why I'm telling everyone Grace: Your parents are gonna be so Ava: Ugh Ava: it's going to be a whole thing Ava: with all of them Grace: mhhmmm Grace: like I feel like I know the answer but how did Nancy take it?? Ava: She just Ava: does my head in at the best of times and this was no exception, sadly Grace: at least Buster can't be telling ANYONE how to live their lives Grace: especially 😍💖 Ava: Watch him try though Ava: I'm expecting it though, they'll have to get over it on their own time Grace: 🙄 Grace: I feel that, Ri always thinks she can tell me something Ava: It's so Grace: IKR Grace: full offense babes I'm gonna listen to Janis before you & like no Ava: It's gonna be hellish but they can't do anything about it Grace: 🙏💜🤞 Ava: unless they do in which case bye and feel free to go through my wardrobe 🤷 Grace: duh Grace: but watch me also take your man Ava: 😏 cheek Grace: my crazy would look 😇 next to his ex's Grace: love that for me Ava: 'Til I haunt you crazier Grace: so scared obvs Ava: 😒 Ava: I only just got him, you can't be stealing him Grace: so sorry but like gotta get the full set on that fam now Ava: You better 🙏 my parents take it that personal Grace: 😇🙏💜 Grace: Jesus is totally my bae so Ava: and God's favourite son Ava: leave mine alone 😉 Grace: 😂😂 Ava: So you're not mad at me now, yeah? Grace: lowkey 💔 but not mad Ava: awh please Grace: ILY bitch you know it Ava: ily too 💙 Grace: & now I don't have to 👻💔 his brother so Grace: no way he'll be hitting me up after this Ava: Oh yeah, you're welcome for doing your dirtywork Grace: 💜😂💜 Ava: Has he hit you up then? 👀 Grace: 🤐🤐🤐 Ava: After I just poured my heart out? Ava: Rudeness Grace: you're in a 📽🎞💖 I'm in a 📽🎞😱 starring my crazy Ava: Girl, please Grace: I'm so serious Grace: & so over it Ava: You're not crazy Grace: I'm not not Grace: ask gym boy, but like don't Ava: I'm not gonna sleuth on you, don't worry Grace: if you had you'd see 🧸 on my pics hitting the 💜 Ava: Cute Ava: he must like you or he'd air you Ava: it's not unheard of Grace: like I said, thanks for putting that work in for me babes Ava: 😒 why not talk to him Ava: you don't have to see him 24/7 Grace: well duh I'm not about to move in with you Grace: but that's not why I can't Ava: ? Grace: he's like Grace: & I'm like Grace: It's not gonna be a thing Ava: You can't be friends? Grace: 😂😂 no Grace: that's as terrifying OMG Ava: 🙄 he is NOT scary Ava: though he is gonna hate me now probably so loyalties Grace: UM yeah he is Grace: he's nice & so I'm scared of him Grace: @ gym boy too Ava: 🤔 Grace: ugh whatever Ava: You're a nice person, you should hang with other nice people Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: I've got friends he doesn't need to be one Ava: Okay Ava: not my otp, not gonna push that hard Grace: or ours its fine Grace: he won't be 😭😭😭 Ava: 'Course Ava: gonna have bigger problems to deal with, lbr Ava: 😬 Grace: yeah exactly Grace: maybe we can bond when the wife murders you but like Grace: black isn't my fave tbh can't 🤞 I'll serve my best look Ava: Funny 😏 Ava: she's actually 'out of the country' rn so you should probably watch your back 🔪🔪 Grace: you're so not gonna come visit me now you're 😍😍😍 are you? Grace: are you even doing holiday 2? Ava: time is getting away from us Ava: summer holiday standard Ava: it lowkey has not been organized so god knows now, I wouldn't be mad if it didn't but I wouldn't not go, I guess Grace: depends how they take your homewrecker status Ava: Yep, cheers 👍 Grace: people are shady Ava: Sure Ava: but my actual friend friends will know what's up Ava: everyone else chats about us anyway Grace: true Grace: shoutout to the fam for that one Ava: at least this one is something I actually did so Ava: oh well Grace: anyone who has a clue about his ex will know it's not even you Grace: like sorry hun you killed that 💍 yourself Ava: I'm not too fussed, it's my last year 💁 Grace: #priorities Ava: Exactly Grace: still so triggered by the idea of going back though thanks Grace: school is the WORST Ava: tell me about it Ava: won't miss that place Ava: Chelsea in general moreso but it isn't like I'll be a million miles away Grace: unlike me always a ✈ away Ava: Do you reckon you'll stay in Dublin? Grace: I guess Grace: where else would I go? Ava: You aren't going to make like Billie and Nancy and bounce then? Grace: being a or sleeping with models isn't very likely for me, babes Ava: Models are usually weird looking anyways Ava: oops accidental shade at your sister 🙊 Ava: don't tell Grace: thanks? I think Grace: shade her all you want, I'm about it Ava: How many times have you seen her kid? Grace: Like none Grace: we might get christmas but Ava: this family is messy Ava: watch me get lectured like it ain't Grace: preach Grace: maybe I shouldn't stay here Ava: you could stay or go wherever Ava: everywhere needs beauticians Grace: not Chelsea though, I'd run into your boyfriend's wife Grace: obvs can't escape anyone there Ava: 😂 truly Ava: I don't wanna be far away from the fam Ava: cracked as they are Ava: but that's just me Ava: I guess it isn't automatically selfish to move yourself halfway 'cross the globe hmm Grace: same though, I even miss Junie & like ?? why Grace: never saw him when we lived in the same house Ava: yeah Ava: that whole situation still fucks me off I Ava: idk Ava: I know it's not the kid's fault but I can barely even look at pictures of her Grace: Ri never should've done it Grace: like he didn't need a kid that bad Grace: obvs he didn't actually need one at all but nobody NEEDS one Ava: If they'd been together any amount of time Ava: Junior wasn't 20 fucking years old Ava: it was really stupid Ava: Buster said but oh well Grace: Demi is so Grace: I can't Ava: This family can't seem to help but add more fucked up people into its sphere Ava: like Ro hadn't just brought Drew back, AGAIN Grace: Getting pregnant by accident is one thing, like it's stupid but okay Grace: they planned that Ava: This family has way too many baby hangups dating back to nan Ava: can't blame her for all of this but break the cycle, someone, damn Grace: literally had my contraception on 🔒 since I was 13 thank you Ava: 'Accident' is some bullshit 9/10 times tbh Ava: you knew it was a matter of time, even if you don't know you knew it Grace: @ my mum & dad so hard Ava: and mine, they say the twins were an accident but they probably would've broke up if they hadn't have had them at that time so Grace: mhmmm Ava: ugh Ava: I'm just heated knowing how hard I'm gonna have to defend this Ava: like I've got myself pregnant Grace: don't even joke, she trapped that poor boy so hard like Ava: seriously, he probably never wants kids again Ava: not that I've asked because it's been like a month or so and I'm not psychotic, thanks Grace: do you? not now obvs Ava: I don't know Ava: like, don't tell my mother but I don't actually meticulously plan every aspect of my life Ava: if I ended up at a place and time in my life where it felt right, I could see it Ava: but if I ended up living a different life where they wouldn't fit, I wouldn't and I wouldn't be 💔 about that Grace: 😂🤐 Ava: Do you? Grace: girl, I'm too freaked out to let a boy date me, I don't think it's gonna happen Ava: you won't be 16 forever Ava: and if Ro can manage it Ava: your mum and Drew are probably the only people to see her vaguely undressed in her life Grace: idk sometimes it's all I want & sometimes it's the WORST thing I could think of Ava: I get that Ava: I don't think its a thing you can overthink, 'cos it's not usually right or wrong Ava: so people just do it and have to deal, better or worse Grace: Yeah Grace: maybe I'll get like that with dating Grace: or you know, get so lonely that I won't care that people always leave Ava: 😔 Ava: You'll get there, whether there is living your best life with or without Ava: I'm defs getting left after this fiasco so I'll come 😭 to you in a few no doubt Ava: we're walking Frank rn, so gonna enjoy this whilst it lasts 👌🥰 Grace: UM no! He LOVES you remember, you'll come at me with your 😍 more like Ava: 🤞🤞 Grace: 🙏💜

3 notes · View notes

ofieugogyshz · 4 years

Note

1 2 4 6! @goldenworldsabound

@goldenworldsabound

1. Are any of your F/Os LGBT+? ummmm p sure my idol girls are all somewhere on the ace spectrum. Rin is nyanbinary! [geddit? bc she nyas?] She probably is also demiromo and ace! Mari is definitely lesbian and actually probably not that ace at all. Ai-Ai is mmmmm maybe pansexual? and Demiromo? I honestly wouldn’t know without seeing more content of her. But I can see her being pan easily. Hanamaru is aroace!

as for the boys... uh. My husband is in a queer relationship regardless bc I’m queer, so it doesn’t really matter? And Otoya... Ace? Ace. Aspec? Grayce? I honestly don’t know since, y’know, basically otome series so it doesn’t really matter much.

Caulifla is possibly bi or pan leaning strongly towards girls, so more likely goes by lesbian? idk how to explain that one correctly right there bc my brain is mush rn

Kale is lesbian

Cabba is ace and demiro because i said so.

Trunks is an enboy/enby demiboy, and also ace. because he can be?

i think i’m missing someone but it’s probably bc they don’t come up/haven’t figured into anything.

2. Did you come out to them? How did it go?

uhhhh coming out to lance re being ace was more like shouting excitedly because i finally found the word/experience explanations that made sense and realizing that FINALLY. A WORD. TO GET EVERYONE OFF MY BACK ABOUT DATING AND NOT WANTING SEX. BLESS. it basically just involved me excitedly yelling across the room to him. it was cute, he says.

realizing being arospec was....... a lot more difficult bc i worried a lot about him thinking that it meant that i didn’t love him, bc i do, and that maybe it proved that i was more selfish or something, and etc etc, but he could tell that something was eating me up lately so we finally sat down and had a talk and he... took it very well? he wasn’t hurt by it because i still showed him love and compassion and support and pointed out that my feelings towards him hadn’t suddenly changed or been any different than they were before all of this. that it didn’t change anything about how i felt, how much i loved and cared for him. [and he gently nudged me about if i had thought about gray or demi labels and whatnot and i eventually found/looked into more labels and hoo boy my sub labels are too much please help i do not like having like 4-5 terms and conditions] i still felt bad for awhile that i couldn’t love him in the same way that he did, but he did his best to show me that our love was still the same, if not it being seen in a different light now, and that he wasn’t going to leave me or get angry with me because of it. it was a really hard first few months for me bc of intense guilt about it but he still stood by me and eventually it started to go away.

the enby stuff was a recent thing as of a year or two ago and i basically was just like “hey babe, i think i’m enby? or agender? i’m not sure which rn but enby sounds cuter and has the better flag colors so i’m gonna try out that for awhile” and he was just like, “okay. let me know if you change pronouns or anything” “ ‘kay “

4. How did you celebrate pride together?

i go as part of sbux’s group and my husband usually has to work but this year (and 2018? or the year before. Whenever the mass shooting happened) he went with me to make sure I stayed safe. if it happens this year he says he’ll go with me again, tho he’s been trying to suggest that I skip out on it this year if it happens. I told him I’ll play it by ear.

There aren’t a lot of us aros and aces at pride. Someone’s gotta represent us and that’s usually me.

6. Do you own any pride merch? Have you made any yourself?

not a lot! I recently got some more stuff this year. Ummm I have an ACE hat with the flag colors on the word ‘ace’ and that’s been cool. I’ve forgotten to wear it for the last few years but it also got lost a coupla times the last few years ;>> I recently got a cute agender and ace pin at the last con I went to before all covid happened! and I picked up two queer pins from hot topic, i thought? maybe it was just the one, which is “Let’s get one thing straight: I’m not”. I feel like there might be something else I’m forgetting about between but I recently gave in and bought the dragon wing collar pin here and the aro one here. ;>_> gee i wonder why.

Oh! if tarot decks count I have the Numinous Tarot! and I backed their oracle deck based off their huge comic. and i think there might be one more deck but that’s honestly the only one that comes to mind that is EXCLUSIVELY queer by design and not just “the lovers card is queer and that’s all the rep you get in the deck” [btw the lovers in numinous was instantly my fave/i fell in love with/was BASICALLY WHY I BOUGHT THE DECK, because it was definitely aroace inclusive and i even asked the creator about it and they said it was an influence!]

I was gonna make myself some beaded keychains of the flags but that fell through as did my energy levels.

OH THE FLAGS. I FORGOT THAT I BOUGHT ACE AND ARO FLAGS OFF AMAZON FOR PRIDE LAST YEAR. i was gonna get an enby one but they weren’t as cheap :T plus i can only fit two flags around me as a cape. which is one more than others.

#everyone is ace!!! you get an ace and you get an ace!!!#honestly i never think about peoples or characters sexualities unless it needs to come up #like with ocs that are dating queerly? if that makes sense #anyways this got long #augmentedampharos #asks

1 note · View note

dangerliesbeforeyou · 5 years

Text

HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol)

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre...

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable..

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol!

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...)

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho...

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?!

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue!

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

#HIStory series #HIStory1 #HIStory2 #HIStory3 #(not gonna tag them all individually cos we'll be here for years lol)#review #rant #(not really)#gay series #taiwanese series #lgbt series #lgbtq #HIStory #i've not read it through lol... might make no sense... dont read this lol

43 notes · View notes

biandnotreadytotry · 5 years

Link

Chapter 10 is up, and we are about halfway through my “Mostly Canon Andi Mack from TJ’s POV fic”, and...yay, it’s finally the Lookback™ chapter(and it’s a long one)! And yes, TJ is in fact peak clueless and peak heart eyes. We love our clueless gay jock. Also, lowkey this is the only thing getting me through this “Hiatus” bc I miss Tyrus so much already lol. Honestly this fic is 90% for me. But 10% bc I haven’t seen too many Canon-based Tyrus fics around.

Once basketball season ended, the school year seemed to somehow fly by. The team had done well—making it to all the way to the semifinals of playoffs before losing to the Raptors—but still, the school year seemed to sort of stumble awkwardly yet surprisingly quickly as it neared ever closer to summer break.

In a way I was sort of sad by it all, like I hadn’t really done enough during the school year.

There were these really small pangs of regret, ones that I felt mostly when Reed and I would go to watch Jack’s baseball games. I’m not sure I regretted my decision not to play baseball anymore, but some small part of me sort of missed it. The was the first real time I wasn’t playing multiple sports in a year, and it felt like I was missing a part of myself.

Like I wasn’t busy enough or something.

I couldn’t really mourn baseball much longer either though, because they only had a couple weeks of games left before their season ended too.

All in all, I think I’m mostly ready for the summer. Ready to sleep in. Ready to prepare for two—maybe 3 if I did well enough—motorcross meets in the next two months, now that I had the time for them.

But mostly, I was ready to not concern myself with school—kind of.

I’m not really sure how it ended up already being May, but here we were. And somehow I was coming out of Math with a C+ in the class. It wasn’t an A, sure, but I’d worked really hard for that C+. And most importantly, I didn’t need to repeat the class—though I did need to do 3 weeks of Summer School.

Sometimes I couldn’t believe that I got out of the whole math situation as smoothly as I did—I definitely didn’t deserve it, all things considered. But I passed, and I was getting help.

Plus, It’s not like math got any easier, but it just…it felt doable now.

It was a Thursday night, and I was mostly through my English homework. I was letting myself be distracted by my dad and my sister, who were busy baking in the kitchen, when my sister started belting like we weren’t indoors.

I smiled at the sound of her voice; I’d probably care more that she was singing loud enough to definitely distract me from my homework, but at least she was a pretty good singer and it was fun watching them bake together. Plus, I sort of wanted to be distracted. It was just reading for English.

And look, I’m not saying my dad came home stressed every day. And I’m not saying that my dad always made pastries when he was stressed. But dang, it sure felt like my dad was baking almost every day.

Truthfully it was like 3 times a week the past few weeks, but still.

According to him they had a big project they’d been working on the past few months that seemed to be one setback after another, and with the deadline coming up in two weeks—things were coming down to the wire.

I’m mildly concerned for his sanity, to be honest. It really must be a stressful project if he’s been baking this much lately.

The solution, obviously, is for my mom to stop buying him baking supplies. Honestly, it had gotten to the point where he had a whole section of the fridge entirely dedicated to all his treats.

It was a miracle that none of us were diabetic at this point, but lord knows our family was made of sugar addicts so I think my mom encouraged his coping mechanism purely out of her own selfishness.

Truth be told, he’s sort of the baker and chef around our house, but with his job, she’s sort of had to handle feeding us the past few years.

As her repertoire is barely up to 5 meals now, needless to say it’s been a lot of microwaveable meals since I started middle school.

In either case, the baked goods, that was very much my father’s territory, and we all lived for it.

“I’ve lived a life that’s full/ I’ve traveled each and every highway/but more, much more than this/ I did it mmmyyyy way.” Billie chirped as she slinked throughout the kitchen.

My dad chuckled at her. It was a Frank Sinatra day. The world was good.

Today they were experimenting with whatever flavors they could find and throwing them into several muffin batters.

The kitchen smelled like cinnamon and fruit and batter, it was great.

TJ: My sister is dancing around our kitchen RN singing Frank Sinatra lol

Underdog: You have a sister?!

Continue reading here on AO3!

#I know she's not Amber #but learn to love our queen Billie Kippen #I HC her middle name as Joan bc Joan Jett and also Billie Jean King our resident badass females but its not official yet #Tyrus #TJ Kippen #Cyrus Goodman #Andi Mack #Buffy Driscoll

1 note · View note

sakuurae · 7 years

Note

53 and 8 I know requests are closed rn but I'll forget to ask for this if I don't do this now lmao,, could you maybe do 53 and 8 with Johnny? If it's okay

prompts: “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”“I want my best friend back.”

pairing: johnny & reader insertincludes: light angstwc: 1.6knote: Not sure if this is the direction you wanted this to go down, but i hope you enjoy! I havent had the most motivation to write a lot lately, so this is probably the shortest thing ill ever release on this blog, lmaooo. I just needed to write a bit to see if itd help me get out of my slump :)

It was not an everyday occurrence for you to feel under the weather.

In fact, it was a rare event. Blue days for you were tabbed under the file of impossibilities in your life, for everything was peachy and placid for a short while. That was because you had Jung Jaehyun in your life.

Well, to be quite fair, your boyfriend, Jaehyun, still held a place in your life. It was just because he was no longer physically close to you. He had to move away for college, now at the opposite side of the country. To keep up communication was a promise, a determined task in order to hold up one of the pillars of the relationship. But even so that duty was met, it never felt enough for you—you craved to see Jaehyun, to be held in his arms again, and feel not the slightest amount of distance. The only proximity you wanted to be shared was the inches that his face were to be from yours, right before he shuts it with a fervent kiss.

And thinking about that made your heart swell—in all the good and bad ways.

Months had soared by and Jaehyun still remained on the opposite side of the country, even though it felt like he was crosswise on the universe. Back at your hometown you spent your college days with a man named Youngho. He was no stranger; in fact, he was someone who knew you as much as Jaehyun did because Youngho was, indeed, your closest friend. During high school the three of you hung out like peas in a pod—until the split happened.

It felt like fate to have Youngho attend the same university as you, especially since the rest of your friends became scattered across the country. But as if there was a transparent string that latched you to Youngho, moving away from him was futile.

Throughout the course of a few months soaring by, Youngho witnessed your blue phases waving over your being like a gargantuan tide. The smile he knew like the back of his hand—the grin he would be able to sketch from memory since it is imbued into his brain—started to fade along with the twinkles of hope that sparkled in your eyes.

Imperfect qualities that Youngho saw as flawless had no longer graced your being, and they were overtaken by a frown of dismal. You then started to walk as if there was an overcast lingering above you, and that weights were dragging your ankles back.

Tired of witnessing your tenebrous appearance, Youngho voiced the idea of lunch. To no surprise, you declined, and that only prompted him to pester you until you released a breathy ‘yes.’

Youngho accompanied you to one of his favourite local restaurants, the beam that painted in his face never faltering from the false belief that his joy would uplift your spirits. Confused looks were being tossed to him, and the question of why he was acting all jocular lodged into your throat, the words in tight knots.

You were sitting across the table from him in his favourite restaurant, an uncomfortable silence lapsing for the first few moments. Your cellular phone was resting on the surface, face up with notifications on in the hopes that your device would flash with an incoming call from Jaehyun. You were more attentive to your phone than Youngho’s words, and it caused him to release a sigh.

“I heard the food here’s pretty good,” he informed you, his fingertips drumming on the wooden table as the meals arrive. “I’m sure you’ll like it.”

You nodded, your lips pursed into a pout. “Yeah, I think I will too.”

Youngho’s expression dropped when he heard your voice. The words were hopeful, but laced with desolation, and it bored a void into Youngho’s chest. You were gawking at your phone, eyes barely peering up to Youngho and at your food. Though, the moment you and Youngho locked solemn gazes he forced a smile, the corners of his lips quirking up into an expression of reassurance.

Your hand was resting on the table and you started to retract it to grab onto your phone, but Youngho’s arm extended to stop you, his hand grasping around your wrist.

“Don’t think about him for one night—maybe even an hour,” Youngho told you with a beaming grin. His thumb circled over your skin in a comforting manner, trying to ease you out of your worries. “Just enjoy this food—I’m sure you’ll love it.”

You released a sigh, a sound Youngho had then became accustomed to throughout the night. “Fine,” you groaned, your hand retracting to your side. “I guess he’s fine.”

“Of course he is,” Youngho assured. “It’s Jae, after all.”

After he said that, you remained silent throughout the entire night. The most you touched your food was with simple prods with a fork, or spears into the sustenance with a knife, but you never consumed anything. Your worries chased their way into your mind in a pestering manner, and it diminished your appetite, making the food go to a practical waste.

Youngho was eating passionately across the table, the corners of his lips quirked upwards as if he believed the happiness was a virus that he would be able to pass onto you. Though, just as your own, his smile faded once you could no longer fight the urge to check your phone for messages, calls—anything from Jaehyun. You perused your social media when there was no luck, only to find a fresh trace of your boyfriend resting on your news feed.

Jaehyun uploaded a picture of himself at a football game, his arm looped around another girl as if he dragged her into an annoying embrace; the sight of it made your insides flame up with envy and fractions of antipathy. A thousand questions soared into your mind: why was he with her, how did he have the time to upload a picture and not respond to your messages for the past two days?

You, once again, sighed and placed your head down on the dinner table. The phone slipped from your grasp and it remained motionless on the surface, enticing Youngho to catch a glimpse of the reason you were under the weather.

Youngho pressed his lips into a thin line and spoke, “Is everything okay, (y/n)?”

You tilted your head, facing him with glossy eyes. “Yeah,” you assured. “Just Jae again.”

“You used to never worry about him,” Youngho commented, twirling his fork into his meal. “Well, you did—but not to this degree. Is everything okay?”

“Of course everything is okay.” You nodded, straightening your posture. You looked at your close friend intensely, the determination in your eyes to convince him present.

Youngho’s eyebrows came together, the worried expression sketching on his face making you slump in your seat. “You haven’t even touched your food,” he commented. “You’re not fine—what’s going on?”

“Just Jae—”

“But what about Jae,” he continued sternly. You were practically able to hear the disappointment sketch on his face, his worries evident in the air. Youngho gained a desire to message Jaehyun, to give him the idea that he was causing you to pain unintentionally—that he was hurting you immensely just by ignoring you or brushing your presence to the side, but he was unable to for all the selfish reasons.

You heard Youngho sigh when you decided to remain silent. The truth was written on the walls, but you were unable to voice the complaints to Youngho—because saying it made you feel as if you were facing the end of your and Jaehyun’s relationship. It was a rocky path since he moved and you chose to give him the benefit of the doubt—always.

Youngho sighed and stared at you as you rose up and fixed your posture. “I want my best friend back,” he told you. You opened your mouth to reply, but he cut you off by adding, “You’ve been worrying about Jaehyun constantly. I think you need to talk to him on the phone about this. And I know he isn’t replying to you, but I’m sure he sees your texts. Message him saying it’s serious and call to sort things out—because I hate seeing you upset. It makes me hurt knowing I can’t do anything to make you feel better, (y/n).”

His words swam in your ears and it took you a while for you to comprehend. Youngho had a valid point, but your fear still took over you for a couple of seconds. “Fine,” you sighed, reaching for your device again. “What should I say?”

“Say you need to talk when he’s free—and that it’s important,” Youngho guided, slipping his phone out of his pocket to pass time as you send the message.

You stared at the screen emptily, the message window of Jaehyun on your screen as if it was mockery. You groaned, dreading such an act and a call, but allowed your thumb to roam the surface nonetheless.

You [6:53 p.m.] Jae, we need to talk. Call me when you can, okay?

You hesitated and looked up at Youngho, whose phone ringed off from a notification, staring at him before adding:

You [6:55 p.m.] I miss you a lot, jae :(

You smiled at the sent messages, the fence no longer feeling like a tall obstacle you had to hop over. Grinning at Youngho, you noticed a frown being pulled at his lips.

“Is everything okay, Youngho?” you asked him, the tables turning as you were worrying about him now.

But he remained silent. The effort Youngho pushed you to do went down the drain, and little did you know those messages to your boyfriend meant close to nothing.

Youngho stared at the message on his screen as if it was a lifeless taunt:

Jaehyun [6:53 p.m.] dude, i think i should break up with (y/n)

Jaehyun [6:53 p.m.] distance kills, and it just doesnt seem like we’re going to work out

Youngho forced a smile at you, assuring you of your worries as he put his phone away. “Yeah,” he confirmed. “Don’t worry about anything.”

#The last time i touched this was a month ago #nct scenarios #nct fluff #nct angst #nct #nct fanfic #nct johnny #johnny angst #youngho angst #nct 127 #nct 127 scenarios #not my best out there but hey #i needed something #writing #anonymous #messages

79 notes · View notes

deliciouskook-blog · 7 years

Text

We don’t talk anymore (Jikook Cover) Scenario Jungkook x Reader

Hello guys

This is my first Tumblr post and first fanfiction inspired by the beautiful cover released by JUNGKOOOK&JIMINNN 'We don't talk anymore'. I know Jungkook has done the cover alone before but I think this version is more powerful and made me feel things as many of you would probably relate and Jimin's sweet voice is everything I love him so much..... I'm in tears rn :'(

Anyways so when i heard this song i just grabbed my lapotp and typed this, its raw and not proofread and was literally just me blabbering cos of the feels i got from the cover and so i imagined a really sad relationship. I hope you enjoy it!!

I don't know if anyone's going to even read this but my friend told me to post it anyway so if you like it please give me some love!!! I accept requests <3 and would probably write better if i wasnt so emo ahhahahahahahahhaha (i shouldnt lie to myself ill never stop feeling emo while stanning bts)

Word count: 1.9k

Y/N POV

It’s been a long time since you felt the spark that initially ignited your relationship, you always had to put your 100% and felt like it was dying anyway, there was nothing that can be done to save it and that’s when you thought it was time to start seeing someone else and move on.

You called him a day before you decided to forget the hell that you have been through because of him but like all the previous calls that turned to voicemail this time was no different.

It was the familiar female voice again ‘the mobile number you have called is not available...’

You felt ashamed that he has put you through this and hurt your pride, because no matter how much you called he just wont answer.

Y/N: ‘jungkook I need to speak to you’ – delivered at 10:31 pm

‘please just answer the phone..’ – delivered at 10:32 pm

‘jungkook’ – delivered at 10:32 pm

but nothing

5 minutes later… the messages were checked as ‘opened’

So she decided to call again but there was no answer.

Jungkook: ‘I wish you could stop calling me at night you know im at practice’ ‘I wont answer I’m working so good night’ – opened at 10:40 pm

Y/N: ‘why are you like this?’ ‘whats wrong?’ – opened at 10:41 pm

Jungkook: ‘nothing is wrong’ – opened at 10:42 pm

Y/N: ‘don’t lie to me can you please call me back after practice?’ – opened at 10:42 pm

Jungkook: ‘yeah.. later’ – opened at 10:45 pm

You stayed up all night waiting for his call it was an agonisingly slow night but you waited for him to call you like a fool anyway. 3AM came around and still no call. He never practices this late.

So you decided to call one more time. And unexpectedly there was an answer.

‘hello? Jungkook?’

silence

‘yeah… wussup’

he sounded drunk and you were speechless…

‘werent you at practice? Why are you drunk’

‘im not drunk’

‘well okay then what are you’

‘im jungkook’

no shit

‘ok jungkook we need to talk but I cant talk to you if your drunk’

‘youre already talking so carry on… what is this 39 missed calls all about’

‘where are you, can I see you? and if you answered the first call there wouldn’t be 39’

‘no im going home now so just say what you want’

‘okay… I just don’t think this is going to work out between us’

silence

‘jungkook’

then he laughed sarcastically

‘are you breaking up with me?’

‘yeah I jus-‘

‘okay then’

‘jungkook I need to tell you why’

‘I don’t.. think I care…’

= call ended=

Jungkook woke up with a severe headache. The time was already 2 past noon and he had no idea what hes done the night before but all he could remember was drinking so much.

The truth is he didn’t know why he drank so much in fact he didn’t know why he gave up doing anything besides work the past few month, he knew his relationship with you was dying slowly and he knew It was his fault but the Wings tour and his musical career was eating him and was far more important, at least in the company and BTS’ eyes.

He thought that you could wait for him but his career cant, he knew it was selfish and hard but he had no other choice and he didn’t know better, because he was only 19 and he could only handle so much.

You woke up around the same time, you didn’t get time to sleep at all from crying over the ended phone call, you knew it would be hard but you had to move on. You knew you didn’t deserve him and that made your relationship rocky at first, but as jungkook told you he loved you repeatedly, you slowly gained confidence and learnt to love yourself too but that all came crashing down because he clearly doesn’t love you anymore.

You knew the only way you would get over him is erasing him completely from your life which included blocking his phone number, for his own good you knew he was a good guy and probably would try to befriend you after these 3 years but you couldn’t handle seeing him as not yours, but just a friend. You took out your phone and as you unlocked it, you saw the selfie you had at their last date together and couldn’t help but cry even more because all that has to go too.

= 3 months passes by=

Authors PV

As you slowly learnt how to live life from scratch, Y/N served another caramel late to who seemed to be a distressed customer. She had quit her old job which was close to big hit’s main building and decided on a new beginning.

Within these 3 months she had met a guy who’s a regular at the café named Zico, he would throw way too many compliments about the coffee than one would give but she found it cute as at least for what seemed like years, she’s started to receive the attention she craved… but she cant help but think of jungkook whenever she sees him wishing that he would be the one who would give her these compliments and taste coffee that she only recently learnt to master but obviously that life doesn’t exist anymore.

But as she is in south korea, bts are increasingly becoming a hot topic and their songs were played everywhere as if her memories of him weren’t enough reminder.

Slowly Y/N got to know Zico even more, and naturally they dated. She couldn’t deny how good he treats her, maybe its because it’s a new relationship but he was there when she texted and even called her when she didn’t turn up for work because she was sick. He showed that he cares. Jungkook didn’t.

On a fated evening, when the new couple chose to walk next to the Han river a familiar figure stood on the way walking with what seemed another familiar figure but she chose to ignore it and continue walking holding hands with her new lover.

What Y/N dont know is jungkook has been growing crazy the last 3 months, he had tried to reach you so many times, he doesn’t remember the phone call that night and he thought that you ended the relationship alone and hasn’t decided to even talk it with him. He missed you so much and every day he realised how much of it was his fault, it was his fault that you had left your old job, your neighbourhood, changed your number and disappeared. He wished you were happy but deep down he hoped like himself that you weren’t able to forget him.

Then he saw you walking, he looked at jimin who was trying to distract him from the sight that he has also seen. Jungkook felt angry and tried to contain himself, but soon after he was washed with feelings of sadness and regret, deciding to walk up to you anyway.

‘Y/N ?’

you looked at him with surprised eyes, which Zico has returned to you in confusion.

‘can you give me a minute?’ you said to Zico who nodded and walked away

‘you look well’ you said to him

‘is that all you have to say to me’ he said to you with tears in his eyes

‘I don’t remember you wanting me to say anything at all… but say what?’ you replied returning a hurt face.

‘why you left me like this’ he said looking down knowing exactly what you left but he had to hear you say it

‘you didn’t want to hear it.. remember?’ you said to him as you laughed away your tears

‘what are you talking about?’ he asked you

‘you said to me you didn’t want to hear it, remember you were kind of drunk actually but I knew if I didn’t tell you right there and then, you would never pick up’ you admitted

‘you couldve texted me at least’ he said defeated

‘you don’t even reply anyway… I need to go’ you walked away

then he watched you combining your hands with your new lover as you continue walking. Jungkook went back to the company’s building with Jimin who tried to comfort him, he saw the pain that Jungkook went through the past few months, but he couldn’t deny that he was the one who screwed it up for himself.

Jungkook entered the studio where he was meant to record aimlessly, he always overworked himself when he was feeling lonely or sad and today he was broken. He scrolled down his Spotify playlist and encountered a song named ‘We don’t talk anymore – By Charlie Puth’, it was always there but he never really bothered to listen to it, but tonight he tapped ‘PLAY’.

By the end of the song he was sobbing, he remembered how much he wanted to come back to you when he had a day full of schedule, he expected you to be there texting him sweet words when he couldn’t make it to dates because he couldn’t perfect his practice, celebrate happy occasions with you but there must be a good reason that she left him he thought laughing to himself as he related to the lyrics of the song. He was so drawn to the song that he decided to cover it hoping that the fans would like it too, but more importantly as a message to his gone girl.

=3 weeks forward=

‘Did you hear the songs Jungkook released this month’ said a co-worker to the other ‘No no what is it called? Put it on’ the other one replied

They played the cover that the entire of nation of Korea has been obsessing over, and for the first time the you heard it. And you felt as if you were shot in the heart. You could hear the sincerity in his voice and realised how the hell did things come this far, because you couldn’t imagine your life without him no matter what.

‘I need to go somewhere can you cover for me please? you said to one of the coworkers and ran outside the café to big hit, cursing yourself for deleting his phone number.

And as you ran to the building you asked the familiar security who still remembers you if jungkook can be called down.

You felt like life at that moment was like a ticking bomb and you needed to tell him whatever you were feeling at that moment, you’ll probably regret it but at this moment you didn’t care.

But it was too late as you saw him walking down the stairs with another girl’s hand around his. You felt like you were shot a second time, this time earning a much severe injury. You laughed at the thoughts you had, the he sang this for you – it might’ve had no meaning at all. With tears running down your cheeks you ran before he could notice you catching a TAXI, but he did see you and realised that you came back. Jungkook let go of the girl’s hand to run after you but it was too late… he watched the TAXI drive off.

Many tears were shed that day.

3 notes · View notes