#i see myself in them and i think thats the problem

[apostate-in-an-alcove]

Seeing a little girl in white wedding attire going to her First Communion or Confirmation still manages to put a rock in my stomach.

#ex catholic #religious trauma #i see myself in them and i think thats the problem #i don't see what catholics see #they see a positive thing and all i can think of is how the church destroyed me and my innocence #i was only a child and adolescent and the church and catholics fucked me up #i know its possible to have a good upbringing in the church and be well mentally #but man #i worry for those kids sometimes

[snekdood]

bitches be like. i hate vegans so much that i’ve decided i like killing animals and its fine and i dont feel bad and animals dont have feelings and its fine and im cool subversive and different and edgy and like to post fucked up stuff to make vegans uncomfortable bc im just so cool

#you sound like every cishet republican man to me #you're not a Cool Subversive Leftist you're literally regressing by seeing animals as just objects of your pleasure and thats it lmao #im sorry but you dont just get to throw out all of veganism. it does infact have some roots in leftism. #you can sit there and cope with the fact you agree w some vegan talking point by calling it 'animal welfare' all you want #doesnt change the fact that a lot of those ideas in those circles were formed by vegans. #damn woooah vegans arent a monolith and dont all agree on the same shit woooahhh who knew #literally i have no idea how we even got to this point or how this would be surprising. #when i was on vegan twitter bitches were arguing all the fucking time within it. ur really gonna sit ther en tell me they're all secret #eco fash that hates native ppl and people who have to eat meat? ya sure??? #you would think the individuals on tumblr- of all places- would understand how frustrating it would be to be grouped in with the worst #members of their community as if you represent them and are the sole spokesperson #you'd think they'd hate when someone jumps to conclusions about them based on their lifestyle #but naur. i think yall take it too personally. as if a vegan just being in a room is somehow trying to force you to be vegan. #literally grow tf up. #if a vegan being in the same room with you triggers feelings in you that you Have to stop eating meat- i really think thats a you problem #bud. homeboy hasnt even spoke to you leta lone look at you and apparently you feel this weird pressure now #idk man dont you think that pressure might be coming within?? maybe.... you do infact feel things and feel a lil guilty abt eating meat? #not telling you to stop... i still eat meat here n there. but at least im honest with myself about how it makes me feel to do it. #its infact normal to take a second to think about the loss someone made in exploitation to provide you with whatever. #if you can let yourself feel a lil guilt about buying a fast fashion thing you can sure as fuck finally extend your fuckin empathy to #animals and stop treating them like objects or toys.

[bunnihearted]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[taeyungie]

😺

#i haven't addressed yoongi's situation yet because i'm honestly still not hit by it i guess. like it didnt gwt to me yet #i dont think ill ever love anyone the same as i love him you know what i mean #he has been the first reason of my self development. like he literally raised me??? i learned from him how to be the person i am today #and its like im saying goodbye to a family member. the thing is i have never griefed anyone's absence like this #its like a part of my soul will be missing until he comes back #but at the same time i know what he would want for me. to move on and to become my own reason #he would want me to be kind to myself. to focus on myself and not miss him that much. #he would want that for all of us right #but i have a very hard time processing things. do you guys remeber the festa last year? when we found out theyll be going on hiatus #the reality of it snd the fact that it will be happening hit me onky after around 3 months. #thats when i first cried because i realized what it meant. ofc i knew but it didnt occur to the emotional part of my brain at that time #and i feel like im truly gonna fall apart when THIS hits me in 3 months lol #my life has never been worse and thats honestly the time when i need the reassurance the most #when i need the people i love and find comfort in the most. #but its just me and thats technically just my problem. but since i am talking about my view on this then thats okay i guess hahah anyway #i just hope he knows there are milions of ppl who love him as much as i do. and thats like extra love like forever & beyond type of shit #i honestly dont think other people ever truly fully understand how we feel towards them. especially when you really love somebody #because they have their own opinions about themselves. they debate whether they deserve some kind of treatment or not. we all do that right #and i just know he does that too. i just reslly want him to feel completely loved and cherished and appreciated. #i want him to see himself through our eyes. to surround himself with people who see him exactly the way we do. #to fall in love with somebody who will see him like we see him #nobody deserves better life than this man. and i hope that after our reunion he will live that life to the fullest 💓 i can't wait to see it #anyway. if somebody needs to talk about it or wants to get sadness out of your system - im here 💓 #please keep your heads up and lets wait for him 💓 #we have esch other and we will be okay 💓 #sorry for typos i can barely see its 1am 🤓

[armenelols]

Current problem: I don't see posts of the people I follow on my dashboard. Seriously. Sure, I see some of them - but it's always the same few people? I barely see any posts from the Tolkien blogs I follow and some of my mutuals. HELP this is a disaster and has been going on for months

#yeah tumblr i follow *checks* 169 tumblr blogs #have you considered i want to see posts from all of them??? and not like 10 chosen ones??? #yeah so if i completely stopped interracting with your blog here's your explanation #i genuinely don't see your posts and reblogs on my dashboard and hking through all of my follows regularly is a fucking chore #and it's not that the others i follow don't post because they DO #if i go directly to their blog i see plenty of recent post i should have seen on my dashboard #and yeah i have the 'best stuff first' and such turned off in the settings thats not a problem #alternativ: the posts do actually show up on my dashboard. i just keep checking it at the wrong time of the day #... yeah now that i think of it. knowing myself? that's actually possible lol :D #ema rambles #to delete

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

like im just saying they should invent a family that doesn't make you want to kill yourself

#and a school system while theyre at it #or just a me that wouldn't make me want to kill myself #just like. without all the problems that make it impossible to exist in normal society as myself #i know technically its possible for me to have a future but goddammit i dont see one okay #i havent made a single goddamn real life connection since middle school and now we're so distant i barely remember whos who on discord #thats not to mention how I've just been on the edge of every friendgroup anyway. including that one #im just some fucking loser. im not going to fucking graduate my only career aspiration is a goddamn pipe dream and if i dont fucking kill #myself by then im going to be stuck living with my family forever and we're not going to be seeing eye to eye. #all ive ever done is dig myself a deep grave and then tether other people to me to drag them down too #i love you all but i dont know how you see me as anything but gross and annoying and weirdly fucking clingy okay #i just #i dont know what im fucking doing #i wish i did. i wish i knew but i dont. and it feels like everyone else has figured out how things work and im just supposed to do that too #but i cant. i fucking cant and it keeps getting worse and i keep getting worse and i keep making it worse for my family while im at it #i miss being able to imagine doing stuff tomorrow. or in an hour #i miss being able to wash the dishes and not having to think about stabbing myself with fucking cutlery #i miss being able to show my mother my report card #but its my fucking fault im in this mess in the first place #and i just cant fucking try enough. or at all #aethers rants #cw vent #cw sui ideation #personal posts and stuff idk

[softshuji]

y'know it's a night when hal sits and eats cereal in the dark room at 1.30am.

#i was thinking abt it earlier #but i've been crying so much lately like so much. almost every second day if not every day and i dont know why #actually i do kinda know why. #i think im hitting my limit with a lot of things and one of them is my parent dumping their problems on me #earlier today my mom told me again abt the whole debacle with my dad cheating on her multiple times and everyone knows i find this subject #too much for me i dont tlike to think about it or anything and im so tired of hearing it and especially when i lived through it trust me i #was literally there the whole cheating subject is very raw to me for many reasons and im just tired of being the emotional dump so often #especially because she always comes to me for everything all the time and im so sos tire d #everyone always tells me i should consider my own needs as a person and its okay to have them and yk in theory i agree with this but i just #cant. i grew up not having any needs met so how can i let myself have them now it makes me feel absolutely awful with myself to even #consider having to ask for something off someone and yet i know how wrong this is iknow needa and desires and wants are natural #but mine have always been on the back burner for everyone else. so its' no surprise ive let myself think im something to be used for other #peoples sake. whether that be physically or emotionally and especially the latter. because thats how i see myself someitmes. something #something to make people feel betetr about themselves that has no use outside of how i make them feel - just something to use until they #move onto the next best thing. something more entertaining and better value whatever that might mean something with less feelings less #sensitive. it feels like sometimes thats what i am. the indestructible never breaking hal that somehow has a solution to everything and can #always be there to fix every issue and is there to make people feel better but needs nothing in response #and god it really does feel like my problems dont mean anything to anyone #it does feel like no one thinks theyre worth anything #not worth listening to not worth thr same attention etcetc and yknow what i hate hate hate asking for attention and yet i get upset when i #feel like im not actually being heard or listened to #and i find it happens so often. sometimes i wanna hear it just once for once i wanna hear 'hey its okay to be upset i wish i could hug you' #or something like that god i dont want to be strong and nursing my wounds in private anymore #god i want a hug so bad and someone to just let me cry on them just once i want to be held and told someones got me instead of me doing it #for everyone else all the time #is thisselfish? it feels selfish to say #this is why it affects me so deeply whenever anyone does validate me or tells me its ok to want things or that im loved or anything nice #god i cant handle niceness at all it feels like it knocks me so bad it takes me ages to recover #and yet somehow all i can tell myself is that theyre only saying nice things because theyre being obligated to and not becayuse they feel #like they actually like me

[moonlit-orchid]

Normal people: vent about their feelings in a diary or blog post

Me: makes a whole ass zine at nearly midnight

#okay so i was CONSIDERING the vent zine #and then um something and then i was like “yeah no i cant rest until i get this out” #so i sat down and made this vent zine that's gonna embarrass me next year lmao #am i okay? ... actually I'm trying to be okay now #I'm just questioning something about someone #sorry to keep referring back to That Thing it's just been on my mind a lot #even before that vent post for a while now i was wondering if everything really was okay. if it was making me okay. #because i dont want to be selfish and abandon someone when they need me. I've been abandoned before. #but it's been going on like this for a while and I'm taking too much of it in #i cant even see their name on my phone or like receive a message without going through mini heart attacks wondering if something's wrong- #-again and if i need to hear another drama again #it kind of feels uncomfortable as well in a way. like they're oversharing and that I'm not supposed to be knowing so much #maybe that's just me though. maybe im automatically distancing myself without realising it? #i dont know i just want to hide and not be so... involved i guess? #i think maybe I'm a person more suited to lighter friendships. or maybe there's been so much heaviness that this is just too much now #i dont know. i dont hate them at all but i wouldn't be too upset if they ghosted me (maybe thats just how i feel right now) #i dont know if I'm running away from my problems instead of trying to fix them or something #i have fixed them before. i have communicated and fixed issues before but this time i just cant anymore #okay that's enough rambling. it's midnight #mind you my zine does look pretty good. for a zine made out of a single sheet of paper and written/doodled on in black pen with a lil red #alright that's enough from me now. if you've stayed for this long go drink some water-i know you havent hydrated in ages #(says the woman who hasnt hydrated either-)

[bmpmp3]

dysgraphic artiƨts risɘ UP!!!!!

#raise your pencils!!!! and erasers. to fix the backwards letters 😔 #sorry still thinking about my weirdness with my art professors. yknow a lot of em have been really pushing us as #students to make our personal identities a major part of like our 'brand' as artists #which. well from an art history major perspective thats a very contentious and nuanced topic. i love a lot of artists who live this way #and i think its great seeing my peers who focus on identity thrive. but also as an fine arts major (double major fool LOL) #i keep getting pushed by teachers into like. specific '____ artist' identities??? #specificaly woman artist. which is a little bizarre because im a bit fat and a bit gnc so im generally like. ungendered? in day-to-day life #(which doesnt actually matter to me directly that much honestly LOL people tend to view me as like. buddy? buddy or pal.) #(not man. not woman. not anything human. sometimes i remind people of a beloved dog. which. hkdsahjk thats its own can of worms) #(a can of worms that also doesnt matter much to me directly because im a wannabe furry who chose to be the dog when playing house as a kid) #(LOL so um. well. theres that) but yeah i dunno i dont really consider myself a woman artist. its been. shockingly (and sometimes luckily?) #irrelevant to most of my life and experiences and art (although dont get me wrong misogyny is very real and very present) so i dont #have a whole lot to say about it from an art perspective. you could also call me all kinds of things. a queer artist. a mixed race artist #again technically correct. some aspects more visible in my work than others. but also very technical. i focus on race a lot in in my #art historical work but i dunno how much my drawings have to say. except that i keep making too many mixed ocs LOL #i dunno i just think my professors gotta focus that energy away from tokenizing me and over to supporting like actual #capital W Woman artists capital Q Queer artists capital A Artists of Colour who are doing far more interesting things than I #far more thought out and engaged in these topics directly. i just kind of stumble into my art blindly and confused <3 #sorry that was a long tangent WHAT IM SAYING Is despite all that: i do consider myself a capital D Dysgraphic artist #i think its an unmovable constant of my art and the way i draw and the way my hands move. the untrained eye doesnt seem to be as aware #of it directly. but those who are familiar can probably see it. the dysgraphia LOL if not just from whenever i write a letter or number #half of them are busted and frantically fixed HDKJSDJDS but its in all my art. if u can see it <3 ive been trying to embrace it #dygraphic artists raise your pencils indeed!! and throw away the eraser!!! make the legibility of your words everyone elses problem!!! #what does that say? what is that sketch? none of my business! none of your business!! its the business of my hand and the pencil alone #motor skill and spatial issues take the wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel

[lactosefreevanillayoghurt]

study leave diaries:

#today i forgot my last name temporarily and have decided that dark chocolate digestives can and should fuck me up #currently drinking a sugar free sparkling juice thing but ummm it tastes enough like tin can that im not entirely comfortable w it #listening to queen my dad saw them live and ill forever be so jealous of it #have done worryingly little revision for my exam on weds but!!! HaHa! 😌what will be will be😌 #telling myself ill cram it tomorrow but i have therapy and am visiting an invalid friend sooo #we'll see how that works itself out #all in all im pretty content lmao #feeling the executive dysfunction girl i think i should see some sort of psychiatrist #but thats a problem for later me :D #adios chiquitos

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the #best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b #like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional #control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood #weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start #crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way #not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things. #thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi #now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me. #working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning & #prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st. #task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in #this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do #moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an #then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose #things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the #picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to #absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal #away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i #still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop #switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping #would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is #but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually #unrelated #i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static #but focus is not a thing i cna control

[everythingsinred]

its not faiirrrrrr.

i wanna be a bookworm girl who lights little candles when she reads and makes a little tea for herself and sits in a nice chair to be all aesthetic and everything BUT

i have one candle (gifted to me by my friend and the only candle ive ever been gifted despite how much i love candles) and it means so much to me im sad to burn it

and i hate tea. i wish i liked tea. i WANT to like tea bc its cute and pretty and healthy. but i hate tea.

my family living room is gross bc of one of our cats so i have to read on my bed. no pretty chair ;-;

so i miss out on the bookworm girl instagram aesthetic and isnt that fucking tragic??? im so sad abt it actually. i dont fit the stereotype despite wanting to so dearly

#i wanna like tea. its so pretty and cute. #but. genuinely. it tastes like piss. chamomile is the worst of them all #thats crazy. chamomile is SO CUTE!!! lil flowers!!! the name is cute! it tastes like ass! how does that add up at all #help me like tea. if u have pointers please gimme #or else im gonna have to look up 'how to like tea' OR drink fruit tea and pretend like thats the same #when i know its not and its FAR less healthy than green/black/white tea #help a girl out if u can. and gimme candles. thank u #wanted to get myself a bookworm mystery box for my bday in august but decided against it #when a huge portion of the mystery box was a surprise flavor of tea. #a book i might end up hating? whatever. but like 3 packets of tea. no. gross. see im missing out on opportunities this is so unfair #also im aware that this is not a real problem. but it is to me. am i dealing w worse rn? YES. but id rather think abt this #little anya things

[bingotime]

#doodling hassan cuz that usually cheers me up #kinda heelpin a little kind of. #also trying to visualize shit in my head its the same thing i always telll myself and its kind of comforting but equally. man #this shit sucks #why couldnt i just be normal in the head. im tired of like. barely living ykwim #its easier to see myself as mental because i am mental and i am neurotic but #i just.......... dont want other people to think im mental even though thats clearly whats going on #im just sufferin for no reason and i need to make the steps to get better i guess #i had a therapist but it was for transitioning not for my depression or anxiety #it was just to prove i was trans #and im glad abt that but. that doesnt fix the underlying problem #i still have problems a lot of them #i hate that ive been like this since middle school #idk im rambling #gonna sleep soon anyway. itll help #im tired #i dont wanna do this anymore #i just wanna be happy and normal

[metalyre]

i love talking on tumblr dot com

#engie.txt #saw a twitter user complain abt how dumb it is for ppl to be putting their captions in the tags... #my brother in christ thats the best part abt posting here #i love the feeling of mumbling to myself in the tags purely for my own sake #i think its so fun #also gotta love how there is absolutely no expectation of interaction on here #on twt i have over a thousand followers and while thats cool its sometimes still overwhelming to me #meanwhile tumblr doesnt even show follower counts and i have to go out of my way to even see mine #tumblr may have problems but at least qrt dunking on little guys isnt one of them #its like writing p.s or p.s.s on little notes youre passing back and forth with to ur friend in class #twitter could never

[blueflyingturtleontheway]

Don't you think it's a bit sad how socially if you're bad at something or something doesn't go your way you can talk about it freely and everyone is sympathetic and when something finally goes right everyone cheers

But if things usually go well for you you're supposed to shut up about it lest it sounds like you're bragging or trying to make others feel miserable and when something finally goes wrong everyone calls that "karma", is happy about your misfortune or tells you to suck it up because "everything else goes great for you why do you care"

I don't know I suppose I'm just a privileged whiny child that is upset that something isn't as good as she wanted it to be

#my post #babbling blue #personal #do not reblog #stars its just #i got some news that i should be happy and proud of but here i am thinking #'thats all?' #its like with little children when people remind themselves #'well its the biggest problem they had to face YET of course theyre treating it like ots important even when its not' #except the older you get the less it still applies #because im just an adult who has never had anything bad happen to them in their life #and now every little inconvenience is a disaster to me #so yeah the best answer i can count on is 'its not such a big problem dont worry <3' #if thats not privilege than i dont know what is #stars there are people my age who have to fight every day for survival physically and mentally #and here i am crying because im actually useless and not as smart as i thought i was boo fucking hoo #thats a reason why others would cry about me not i myself #stars why am i narcissistic enough to see everyone as worse than me but not enough to not notice my flaws

[todayisafridaynight]

WHAT DO YOU MEAAANNN "MID" THAT COMIC GOES SO HARD AND NOT FOR ANYTHING... THAT WAS MY FIRST THOUGHT VERBATIM... THIS GOES HARD. Incredibly effective composition and symbolism and use of values and shadow on the first page ESPECIALLY (I would love to hear what the third eye symbolizes as mentioned in your tags :) ) but. But. But like. Masato being Arakawa's comfort and not recognizing it and certainly not remembering it when he's older... despite how much it means to Arakawa in the moment... owwww owwie

I was gonna ramble about how much it hits home to depict Yoko as non-human because the nightmares that have stuck with the most about my mom were like that But Enough Of That We Get It... at any rate, as always, take care and I hope you get some good news soon!

thank you so much ♪(´▽｀) !! it generally felt like somethin i dont really post (but horror/blood is something i really love and love to draw), so its why i was especially excited to share it and see what people thought: im glad people like it from what i see (❁´◡`❁) ! and im glad the lack of color wasn't anything detrimental- it might have worked better in this instance. maybe.

i dont ever 'title' things per say since i feel weird doin it BUT i guess captions serve as the title sometimes. so the caption 'matrophobia' is really ironic with that whole aspect in relation to masato being arakawa's Everything: on the one hand, it can just be a general fear of your mother, but on the other hand it could also be the fear of becoming like your mother. if i ever intended to go through with a jo variant, 'patrophobia' would for sure be the title with that ambiguity in mind, but (and i suppose in both instances) with this its more ironic here since masato is the one who ends up the most like his parents' abusers- which ultimately just makes things more bittersweet in that moment dont it (´▽｀ ;;;) on top of masato being arakawa's comfort, it's not just masato himself being the only reason: tying back into the alt. meaning of matrophobia, it's also a relief for arakawa in that he didn't turn out like his mother- which, again, makes everything so bittersweet in the end. its like spiders in my brain when it comes to that whole aspect in regards to the arakawa family's history and dynamics...... it makes me insane to be blunt ☠️

ah but yeah ! i decided to make her an actual perceivable monster so people who. DON'T. have issues with either of their parents could get a better feeling of what it is like to have a troublesome parent/s (id rather see wolves in my dreams than my mom on that note- even if they were going to bite my face off ( ´◡` ;;; ) ). i ran out of tags before i could make any more notes i had while drawing （；´x｀） but i do have more and i'll be glad to explain the missing eye bit ! under the cut since it'll just be me rambling bout symbolism ig and its gonna get long (´▽｀;;; )

when it came to the third/center eye being missing specifically, i did it in relation to how the third eye can relate to enlightenment or higher knowledge. definitely just as a result of projection, but its cause all the time when i was growing up my mom would not only assert and act as if Her Way Was The Right Way and that she knew everything, but that i should only go to her if i needed help and no one else could help me- hence it being missing being a reflection of how that notion isn't true (or always true i should say). as en extension, it's also a dig at how enlightened persons are supposed to help others reach enlightenment- yk, guide them. yet, again, in this case, they're only doing harm.

that's all for the third eye bit, but also just some other things i didnt have room to ramble bout last post: i had her lips be torn away to constantly show her fangs since. well. i dont have to explain it i guess: its just meant to highlight the never ending feeling of danger when around her (and the promise of danger). her nose being gone is purposeful too: in animals, the smell of your family's significant and it helps you find out Which One Is Yours right. in her nose being gone- again, more projection and personal problems on my part- it's a way to emphasize the separation between mother and child: 'you're no longer my kid anymore, i can't even recognize your scent'. of course, that's only to the mother: she is the only one no longer able to say they're family because she can't smell that shared scent anymore. in reality, they could very much smell the same, it's just the mother's unwilling to accept that anymore.

i know i mentioned the flowers in my initial post, but her wearing a flower shirt really was convenient since it allowed me to add those thorns and vines. when you have a troublesome parent like that, the feeling of not just being trapped is there, but it's painful- it's not something you can deal with quietly. even if you're not interacting with the parent directly, the thought of their presence or the unfortunate thoughts that come about as a result of having been around them so long are a constant thorn in the side. if i may make a pun ( ´uゝ` )

alright NOW i think i've covered everything i wanted to. without all the symbolism aside, i hope she at least looks grotesque for people to enjoy without the added thought- and i hope i didn't overdue it. in any case im glad you enjoyed it !! i hope you'll enjoy the next comic i get out (❁´◡`❁) if i ever start it and i dont abandon it midway through ( ❁´◡`❁ ;;;)

#long post #snap chats #every day i think of the nice tags someone left about how they really love analyzing my comics so ive tried to put more effort into them #im glad its payin off ♪(´▽｀) i hope ♪(´▽｀;;; ) #ALSO OOPS I RAMBLED VERY LONG #my sister told me to go to therapy but therapy's expensive and i already know what my problem is so this is close enough ig LMAO #in that sorry for turning you into my therapist（＞人＜；）it wont happen again. ill still complain bout my life tho LMAO just not so directly #did i have anything else i want to add..... ill think over it carefully this time unlike last time so i dont type an essay again #OH I REMEMBERED buddhism is. crucial to me #its always weird to refer to buddhism as a religion imo and i dont like to label myself anyhow so i wont confidently say im buddhist #plus id feel ashamed for calling myself one when im such a sporadic person ☠️☠️ #but ive followed it for years and i turn to it whenever im in especial peril and i generally keep it in mind when. Existing #so thats an extra personal reason for the third eye bit #alright NOW im done speaking (*￣▽￣*) now lets see if i actually draw today ☠️☠️ #i hope i get good news soon.. if not this ask was definitely lovely to get so i'll be fine i think- so thank you again for writing ! (❁´◡`❁