#i saw this on twitter and it gave me so much joy i had to share it

[croxot]

Here I'll ramble about my favorite games this year.

This sure was a good year, and I have better opinions than the game awards do so I'm just gonna talk into the ether for a bit here.

Once upon a time I liked D&D 5e quite a bit, just like everyone else on this god forsaken internet. In recent years I've been more interested in Pathfinder 2e and Lancer. After so many years rolling with 5e, it became a bit more refreshing to try systems with more specific and rigid rules for certain things. However, a videogame requires specific adherence to rules to function, and in this respect, Baldur's Gate 3 is an incredible adaptation of the system. There's just so much stupid bullshit you're allowed to get away with in game that most devs would not even consider. I may have played thru act 1 like 7 times now and it's still entertaining. Also I went from hating Lae'zel to loving her. Congrats Larian, you made me like perhaps the most annoying person I've ever met in a videogame.

As my bones start to deteriorate I find myself seeking smaller, more intimate games that give a sort of feeling. Lunacid is "like" Kingsfield in the way that it's a first-person dungeon crawler. That's where the buck stops for that comparison gameplay wise. However, Lunacid offers an extremely specific feeling I find is rare in games. It's the same sort of "you're lost and alone but also it's also groovy" feel as Metroid Prime 1 & 2. And if you can capture the same sort of feeling that some of my favorite games ever gave me as a teenager, you're just automatically on my games of the year list.

I saw a gameplay video in passing on twitter, got slightly horny because caked-up goat lady, went to the steam page and saw OVERWHEMINGLY POSITIVE. I don't think my experience with Pseudoregalia is unique. It just feels great to jump around and the music slaps.

Cross the feeling of the open-sea adventure of Wind Waker, with the chase and collection of fishing minigames of countless other titles, and the dread of exploring the uncaring unknown. It scratches a seldom-scratched itch of exploratory joy within an indifferent universe. Dredge's systems can be distilled to the simple loop of growing beyond your own fears to discover more and more. None of these fears is particularly intense, but it's enough. Dredge isn't going to find itself on game of the year lists because it's doing any one thing particularly well. It's also not doing anything specifically or wholly NEW. It is however, more than the sum of it's parts, and it is beautiful.

Remnant 2 is the best co-op souls-style game that exists, tied with Nioh 2. That's it, that's what I had to say. It just real good and it deserves to be on game of the year lists.

So like, late this year, 2 Souls successors came out. Lies of P and Lords of the Fallen. And goddamn did Lords inspire division.

I think these releases really showed that people who are "Souls Fans" really cover a LOT of different specific interests, and not all of these interests are well-represented in every souls-like. Lords, perhaps amazingly, seems to cater to what I particularly want out of a Souls game, whereas Lies of P did not. I like these games for their challenge, sure, but more importantly, I like the character building. The ability to create a unique playstyle that I can take on the game with. This slowly grated on me in Lies of P because the game really only wants you to play it (and succeed at it) a certain way. Because the perfect parry was the truest answer to everything a boss could throw at you, and the dodge sucks ass, I felt more exhausted by the end of the game than anything. I also wanted to try a strength build, but the heaviest weapons cannot manage to fully wind up and land a hit on any bosses past the halfway point. Without any hyper-armor or poise, the "big weapon" playstyle felt completely trash, even outside of bosses. Lords lets me dodge, block, perfect parry, and hey they ALL feel useful. I can actually wind up big weapon hits too! Yeah it feels a bit floaty, and yeah enemy density can be rather crazy at times, but I'm the weirdo who's favorite Dark Souls is DS2. Lords also does ranged combat better than any of it's contemporaries. I think a lot of people also never played the original Lords of the Fallen. Now that game SUCKED. I played the whole thing, my god.

GAME OF THE YEAR BAYBEE

I've already talked about AC6, but again, you can't just get me to complete a game. I see an achievement list and I say "fuck that, I hate that!" I saw AC6's Achievement list and I was rubbing my hands together like a cartoon villain. Like Pseudoregalia, AC6 just feels good to play. It feels so tight, and after a few hours you can feel the minute changes in the way your mech handles even after small part swaps. Anyways it needs DLC with more Rusty content. 12/10.

#goty 2023 #games of the year #baldur's gate 3 #armored core #armored core vi #fires of rubicon #pseudoregalia #Dredge #Lunacid #Remnant 2 #lords of the fallen #croxotwords

[my-tatteredwingsof-freedom]

God the amount of tiktok/twitter people who severely misunderstand Azula as a character is so exhausting. Did we even watch the same show?

Azula was a victim of abuse just as much as Zuko but in an entirely different way. Ozai pit Azula and Zuko against each other because he realized he could do something with Azula that he couldn't with Zuko; he could mold her into the next version of himself. Azula one hundred percent was most like Ozai even when she was young. Zuko, on the other hand, held all the traits Ozai, and the Fire Nation as a whole, believed were weak; he was compassionate and curious, he believed in being fair and just, and he never saw sense in pointless death which we saw in the flashback of how he got his scar.

Azula, however, was young and already feeling like she was being separated as "different" by their mother; Ursa was not a perfect parent by any means. And Ozai gave Azula the praise and affection that he refused to give Zuko. Ozai celebrated her while Ursa shied away from her. Can you imagine being a little kid and knowing that your own mother viewed you as an outsider, a monster?

Like, i dunno, but parents favoring one over the other and pitting them against each other in everything at such young ages definitely feels abusive to me. Mentally and emotionally. And besides, we KNOW that the Fire Nation's teachings and histories were manipulative; their own historical texts they taught in SCHOOLS were WRONG. It isn't hard to figure that Ozai's parenting, even if he valued his daughter more, would be just as twisted and wrong. What would he have done if Azula had turned on him? If she had spoken out against him or did exactly what Zuko did in the war council? Ozai wouldn't have hesitated to hurt her to prove a point. He already did it to one kid. If Azula stopped being useful to him, stopped trying to please him and be the best at everything, there would be no way Ozai would have kept treating her like she was his pride and joy.

Azula was a victim of abuse and was groomed to become Ozai's successor. The amount of pressure that puts on a kid, especially one who from a young age already felt like a monster in the eyes of a parent that was supposed to love them, is one hundred percent abusive. Azula was the perfect child and it cost her everything. No, she wasn't a perfect person nor a good one. But she was a victim to not just Ozai, but the Fire Nation's corruption as a whole. She loved her brother. That was confirmed by the creators a long time ago; Azula loved Zuko more than anything but she also loved being better than him, than everyone, because that was what gained her their father's favor. It gave her the sense of satisfaction and the security of a parents love.

To see her be reduced to nothing but an insane and heartless killer is so exhausting. What's that quote? "My father is the worst man alive and I am his favorite daughter"?.

Azula was fourteen. She wasn't a good person by far but no child is born evil. But evil is a hundred percent taught.

#skylar screeches #ugh sorry i never make posts here but its so exhausting #azula is such a complex character and Ive been an Azula stand for years #hate to see a great character so badly misunderstood #i don't want discourse btw i don't engage with fandom drama usually #atla #azula #avatar the last airbender

[buzzinglarrieee]

I'm home and at work now!!! I scanned the signed copies of #Nye book and programme, also a picture of my azikewpie doll!!! unfortunately (or should I say fortunately) the signature was smudged from the hug I gave/received from Michael!!! lmao i was trying so hard to make it fast, I was the last fan he met on that night! (dont really remember which day it was). He must be so tired... all those ppl he had to greet and signed, wow... so it wasnt really frustrating for me that he didnt say anything about the doll lmao(I showed him the doll in Nye costume) and he couldnt see much i assume🤣🤣🤣He said that I could leave it in the stage door(the room behind us) and he'll pick it up tmr, but i said it's not for youuuu (it sounds SO MUCH ruder than i expected I am so sorry...) but he couldnt understand me (poor man he's so tired) and repeated "you can leave it in the stage door" LMFAO so it was a weird experience but a super lovely and fun one!!! At least he did see the doll(although he's not wearing glasses so i imagine it must be a fuzzy doll for him)..

Also Lee Mengo saw the freaking doll and messeged my friend via twitter??? that he saw the nye doll and everything??? i almost fainted in the Mcdonald's when I saw that message. I literally breathed in a bag and got better (glad i have a tiny souvenir shopping bag from Nation Gallery lmao). We were on the first row, and quite centered too, so lucky we got the tickets with only 20 GBP per person???!!! on 3rd May too?? it all happened sooo quick... so we got spat on by Michael Sheen. It was like a splash zone, I loved it. As gross as it might sound, a spec of slightly larger spit landed on my right cheekbone like a warm stardust and spreaded joy to my heart...wow. Also Lee must have seen the doll when we were trying to take pictures of the doll there, and my camera's green light flashed to help with the focusing and shit... i didnt know everyone can see it hahahahaaaaaaa but apparently it was the first freaking row?!!!

[dragonwritersblog]

Five Times Jax and Pomni Share Dreams of Their Past Lives (And One Time Where They Remember)

Read on AO3

1/2/3/4/5/6

Hi! The last chapter of the first fic! We actually made it! I just wanted to go a huge thank you for all those who have supported me! Whether it was on AO3, twitter, tiktok, tumblr or discord. You guys have been amazing! I still can't get over the fact that my fic has over 10k hits you guys are insane and I love it! I have some other stuff that I need to work on after this (a fnaf one-shot, a funnybunny royal au for my mutual artie on twitter and discord, and a funnybunny pirate au as well) but that doesn't mean I won't be working on the sequel at the same time.

Also, I forgot to include this last week and I'm so ashamed of myself, but please go check out this art of my fic that was drawn on tumblr, it's amazing!: https://www.tumblr.com/pomni-stare/734273534847860736/more

This my pal berry also drew a reference to my fic with her art here as well: https://twitter.com/CheyennePlayz/status/1725864159139738099

Once again, thank you so much!

And now, the final chapter...

Pomni woke in a cold sweat.

That was…it couldn’t be, could it? It was her at the end of that dream! Right after Penny put on the headset! When she first got here! But how could that be?! These dreams weren’t real! They were just, well, dreams! Just made-up figments of her imagination! But then again, no one else had them here, just her. So why did she have them? What made her so special?

Penny…why did that name feel so strikingly familiar to her? Why did it feel like she walked the steps that she walked? That she spoke the words that she spoke? Every single movement and decision that Penny Reed had made, why did it feel like Pomni had done it all before? And Penny’s mother and sister, she felt as though as though she truly knew them. That she could list off everything they loved, from the music the liked, to the foods that disgusted them, all the little things that made them into the people they were. It felt as though if she reached down hard enough, she could remember every piece of information about them. But why?

And then there was Jack, the one that invaded her mind, body and soul each time he appeared, when he spoke, laughed, cried, joked and breathed. Every time she saw him was like dancing an old waltz, the steps might be fumbled and clumsy from the lack of practice, but the heart and joy of it was still there.

Especially when she was with Jax…

There was so much déjà vu with him, it kept her in within its strong grasp. Even when Jax was only a thought in her head, it was as if she were replaying the old song and dance of Jack and Penny with him.

But why?!

Winter

Riley

Amber

Jack….

Her head began to pound, she immediately grabbed it as it throbbed painfully. What was going on?! Suddenly, the warm face of a girl with dark hair appeared behind her squeezed shut eyes.

“So,” Winter turned in the passenger seat to face Penny in the back, “Sorry that it was under these events how you met Jack, hopefully you were okay with him.”

“I’m not,” said Riley, focused on the road.

“Just keep driving mama bear,” Winter rolled her eyes before turning to Penny again.

Pomni gasped. Winter…she knew her. She knew so much about her. She met two months after meeting Riley, trying to sneakily ask for tips on how to ask the other girl out. Carrot cake, her favourite food was carrot cake. She loved it so much that she had it every year on her birthday and baked it whenever she could. “Oh god,” Pomni exhaled, she knew Winter. Not just from the dreams, but really knew her! She was her friend!

Her head throbbed again, a red headed girl about 4 years older than her appearing, replacing Winter.

“Penny! Oh thank God!” Riley rushed over to her, wrapping her arms around her younger sister and pressed a kiss at the side of her head, “You gave me a heart attack going into that house, and then hearing that you fainted?! Don’t ever do that again!”

She grabbed at her pyjama bottoms. Riley Reed, one of the strongest people she knew. A protector who forgets to protect herself, always putting her mother and little sister first. Had saved said younger sister many times and seen the wounded parts of her that weren’t visible to the everyday eye. There was a secret that she kept, that she never told anyone, not even to her mother. It was always for Riley’s little sister’s ears only. If she ever had a son, she would same him Percy after her youngest sibling. No one knew that, that secret was locked tight in a vault. “Why do I know this?” Pomni asked herself.

White pain flashed in her mind again. It hurt, it hurt so much. But it numbed the moment an older woman took Riley’s place.

“He really is, and you will be too my little costuming star!” Amber nuzzled her daughter’s nose with her nose, laughing at Penny’s groans.

“Mom!” Penny buried her head into Amber’s shoulder, “Stop!” She didn’t mean it and Amber knew that.

“I can’t help it if my daughter is amazingly talented,” Amber grinned, loosening up a bit as she peered down to look at Penny’s face.

Amber, mother of two girls. Divorced from her awful husband. She enjoyed cooking, spending time with her girls, always offered a shoulder to cry on. For Penny to cry on…no matter where she was she knew that her mother was her safe place. The soft feeling of familiar soothing fingers running through her hair made Pomni grasp at her chest with a pained cry, she knew who those memorable hands belonged to. “Mom,” she whispered.

There was another flash. Pomni grit her teeth, trying to ease the pain. It disappeared the moment a handsome young man stepped forward in her mind’s eye, taking a pair of small hands into his one large ones. She knew those hands…

“I would tell her that I’m not a perfect person, but I am someone who’s always trying. You’ve taken over my mind and have stolen my heart, but I can’t find it in myself to care as long as it’s in your hands.” Jack took her hands in his at those words, “I just hope that she feels the same way.”

She did…no, she does. She loved Jack! She loved him so much. The idea of being with him lifted her higher than the sun and moon themselves! She loved him! She loved him because he…he…he. Jack was here.

Her mind throbbed again, it felt as though it was twisting, moulding, transforming. Not into something new, but into something that she never knew she lost.

“I know,” he nodded, bringing her in closer, “I’m always good whenever you’re here.”

She sighed, pressing her forehead against his, “Okay, just tell me if there’s anything going on if there is.”

.

 Penny laughed wetly, cupping both Jack’s cheeks tenderly in her hands, “I don’t deserve you.”

“No,” Jack disagreed, turning his head and kissed the palm of her hand. “It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.”

Penny let another tear fall as she brought Jack in for another kiss. The two relished the moment they had together.

.

“You’re so beautiful,” he knew what he said, and he wasn’t going to take it back, not when she peered up at him through her long lashes with a gasp.

“Y-you’re ridiculous,” she uttered, handing him her jacket.

“Hey, just telling the truth here,” he replied as he went to hang up her jacket on the wall, “Besides, someone’s gotta point out how pretty you are.”

.

Penny was about to go inside when she decided to do one more thing while she still had the courage, after all, the night was still young. “Jack, wait!”

He lifted his head at the call of his name, “What? Is everything okay?”

“Yes, it’s just, um, you f-forgot something,” Penny stammered, working herself up as much as she could, “You forgot this.”

She planted a kiss on his cheek, pulling away quickly.

.

He held his hand out to her.

Penny took it in her own and shook it, “I’m Penny.”

The throbbing finally passed, Pomni let her hands drop to her sides as waves and waves of anything and everything came rushing back to her.

Penny…Penny…Penny. “…My name is Penny Reed,” she was still for a moment before she jumped up and stood on her bed as she let out a thrilled holler. She had a name! “My name is Penny Reed!”

She clasped her hands over her mouth, praying that no one heard her. It was a silent as a mouse, thank goodness. She plopped herself back down, letting tears of relief flood down her cheeks. Her name was Penny Reed, she had an amazing mother and a great big sister. She wanted to be a costume designer and create amazing garments for the whole world to see. She found a friend in her sister’s wife who became a rock for her. But most importantly, she was in love with an incredible man named Jack Bloom.

That was why she put the headset on! That was how she ended up here! Jack had to be here, if the cases that Riley described was like how she got here and how he went missing, then Jack had to be here too.

But who was he? Oh god, what if he already abstracted and she was too late?! No, he’s close, I can feel it. She felt him, she felt him here. He’s close. In fact, he felt closer the more she thought about her. Could he…no.

“Can’t make any promises little lady,” Jack smirked.

…

Jax sighed, “You’re welcome little lady.”

Pomni’s eyes widened.

“Keep the chivalry to yourself sir,” Penny placed a hand on her hip.

“Can’t help it, I’m dreamy,” Jack was unable to keep the grin off his face at her pout. His face softened, holding out his arm, “Shall we?”

Penny raised a brow at him, grinning. “Mr Jack how thoughtful of you.”

…

“Just until you’re more aware of your surroundings,” Jax told her, “After all, I have a reputation to uphold.”

“Ah, right,” Pomni gave him a joking grin, “We wouldn’t want anything to happen to that.”

“See, now you’re getting it,” Jack agreed, returning her grin.

No way. It couldn’t be, they were both so different. But the similarities, they wouldn’t stop adding up.

Penny sank to the floor as she watched Jack shove David away.

There was nothing but fury in Jack’s eyes, “If you ever put your hands on her again, I’ll make sure you lose them!”

…

One moment Jax was at the side like everyone else, watching the whole thing go down. Next, he was in front of Pomni, staring at Caine as the AI tilted his head at Jax’s new and sudden behaviour.

Was he really…Jax was really…

“Oh Penny” Jack sighed. Tears welled up in her eyes as she all but collapsed into him, wailing as he soothingly stroked her back. “He’s never coming back here again, I’ll make sure of it. Shh, it’s okay, I got you.”

…

“Well, I have a proposition for you,” Jax said, she perked up, “Until you feel like you understand this place a little more, I’ll be there to make you don’t have one of your episodes. Whether you’re spiralling or hyper focusing, I’ll be here to ground you in case that happens.”    

“Jax…Jack,” she let out a gasp. He was – Jax was – he was right beside her all along and she didn’t even know! “Jack!”

She jumped off her bed and ran to her door, opening it as quick as she could as she made a beeline to Jax’s room in front of her. She swung the door open, a grin widening on her face, hoping to see a purple rabbit tangled in sheets. But he was gone, nothing but an empty made up bed with no sign of a body being in there whatsoever.

She closed the door, he wasn’t here. He couldn’t have gone far. She had to find him, she will find him. Now that she had a grasp on her life and her love again, she wouldn’t let go any time soon.

She ran down the hallway.

Jax-Jack-Jax-Jack-Jax-Jack-Jax-Jack-Jax-Jack

The lines began to blur together, the puzzles slipping back into place. Jax was Jack! She had to complete her forgotten mission. She had to get Jack!

.

.

.

“Penny!” Jax screamed as he awoke, the image of the girl trying to painfully claw off the headset still fresh in his mind. But then, it led to Pomni arriving in the circus. What did that have to do with Pomni being here? Could she…no its just a dream! They’ve all been dreams Jax! There’s no way that I’m allowed to be that lucky. Someone like him didn’t deserve people like Pomni or Penny. Two kind-hearted individuals who tore his heart out the minute it looked like their spirits were broken.  How could Jack do that?! Penny was amazing, kind, beautiful! How could he let her go like that?!

Jax gripped the fabric of his shirt where his heart was, who was he kidding, he sounded like a damned hypocrite. Pomni nearly drowned because of him, he would want to stay away from him too. All he did was get her hurt when he was supposed to protect her. He was just as much of a fool as Jack was…

…Actually, now that he thought about it, he had been here as long as Jack was missing in his dream. Time had its own rules here, but Jax would be damned if he didn’t try to keep track of how long he was here, scratching a line on the wall behind his wardrobe to show each night he spent here. Jack had been gone for 6 months, he was here for 6 months – 9 if you counted the three months since Pomni arrived. It was too much of a coincidence for him to not to notice it.

No, don’t! Thinking of this type of stuff never did Queenie any favours! Just stop Jax! But he couldn’t, his mind just kept rushing and rushing, but it didn’t hurt, more like the waves of an ocean gently guiding him to where he needed to be.

“Hey, are you free on Halloween?”

Jax froze. That voice, he knew that voice. He turned, spotting a dark-haired woman on a bed that wasn’t there before.

Winter.

“Depends,” his mouth moved on its own, saying words against his mind’s control. Was he even trying to control it in the first place? “Why, what type of genius plan have you concocted this time?”

“Well, Riley and I are going to the Halloween festival that day and she’s bringing her sister,” said Winter, smiling coyly. “Maybe you should meet up with us and get a chance to meet her.”

“Meeting mini-Riley?” He raised an eyebrow at the woman. Why did this conversation feel so familiar? He never met Winter in his life!...Right? “If she’s related to Riley she might have ‘I’ll punch you in the face tendencies’ so I’m not so sure yet.”

“Trust me,” Winter grinned, “This girl is the total opposite from Riley, her personality is a complete 180.” She stood up and walked over to him.

He crossed his arms, an action that felt repeated in so many ways, “What are you up to?”

“Nothing…” she drawled, “I just think it would be idea to meet this girl, she’s pretty cute.”

“Mmhmm,” he wasn’t convinced in the slightest, “Spill the truth Winter.”

She sighed, he could see right through her and she knew it. “Look, Penny is a sweet girl who’s gone through a lot like you have and she’s struggling to find someone to relate with. And yeah both she and Riley have gone through shit, but Penny is really sensitive and there was some other stuff that happened that’s left her shaken up. I’m not forcing you to be friends with her, but I know that you’ve been looking to relate to someone as well. I think Penny is that someone.”

He fidgeted with his hands for a moment, “I’m getting better you know. I’ve been talking to people in my classes and Andrea has been a great help as well.”

“I know and you’re doing great!” Winter reassured him, “This is just something to think about. If you’re free, the offer’s there.”

Jax paused, as though he were thinking about it. Why was this happening, why was he talking to Winter as though he did this before? Why did it feel like he knew Winter for a lifetime? Why was he begging himself to say yes next? Winter was supposed to be a dream, Penny was supposed to be a dream, all of this was supposed to be a dream!

“You know what, sure, what not. But if she pulls a Riley and sucker punches me in the face I’m blaming you,” He pointed at her.

Winter laughed, shaking her head. “Penny would never do that. And Riley thinks you’re cool! She won’t be getting pissed at you anytime soon.”

Jax gave her an uneasy nod, “Uh huh, if that’s what you say. I’ll check my schedule and see if I’m free. Don’t make me regret this.”

“Oh please, have I ever been wrong?” Winter scoffed.

“Should I list it off right now?” Jax chortled as she punched him in the shoulder.

The second Winter made contact with him, she vanished, leaving the rabbit stunned. That moment, it happened before, didn’t it? This wasn’t some hallucination, this…this was a memory. His mind flashed, he gripped his head as it pounded with agony.

“Hey cariño, how are you doing?”

Another voice snapped him out of it as he whipped round to face a short older woman with darks curls. Her eyes remined him of Winter.

“I…I’m fine,” He sniffed, “I’m really sorry for snapping Laura.”

“Est á bien, come here,” she stepped closer, wanting to comfort him but gave him some space in case he didn’t want to be touched. “I know you’ve been through a lot, and though I’m not happy with some of the ‘colourful language’ you used, you’re a part of our family now and we’re never gonna let anyone hurt you ever again.”

Jax wiped his eyes, how could someone be so forgiving? If only she knew what type of things he did here, “I don’t deserve this Laura.”

Laura tsked at him, “Everyone deserves a chance to be happy. You, you’re just a kid who went through hell and back, you deserve one more than anyone. It’s gonna be okay.”

She opened his arms for him. Jax leapt forward, desperate for the hug she was offering. But just like Winter before, she vanished before he could get the chance.

Laura, Winter, Riley he knew these people, didn’t he? These…these weren’t dreams.

“Okay, I need a little help here. What do you think? Indoor wedding or outdoor wedding?”

That…that was…how…

He turned, only to see Pomni sitting on the bed this time, with a laptop on her knees. The stage disappeared, the rooms of an apartment bedroom replacing them, with only the jester and the rabbit looking the same as before.

“I…I don’t mind, I want this to be your dream wedding sweetie,” he said, moving to sit beside her, “Whatever your heart desires.”

Pomni blushed, gripping the laptop tighter. “Stop being charming and help! This is your wedding too, where do you want it?”

“My dream wedding is your dream wedding,” he replied suavely with a shit-eating grin.

She groaned at his teasing, closing the laptop and flung it onto the plush mattress and she flopped her back onto the bed. “I’m serious,” Pomni told him, “I need to know cause if we want it outside we need to figure out a good date so that it doesn’t rain. But if we want it inside should we rent out a hotel or get married in the church? If your family even religious? And don’t even get me started on the menu with all the dietary requirements and the types of food everyone wants. And my dress – oh god my dress I totally forgot-”

She was cut off by her own squeal when Jax’s hand shot out and tickled her belly, making her curl up and giggle. “Okay, okay, let’s keep calm,” he said, soothingly as he retreated his hand, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to cause you more stress.”

“No, it’s me,” she sighed as she hugged her knees to her chest. “I panic about everything, it’s no surprise I’m panicking over our wedding. Pathetic, huh?”

“Hey,” he gathered her in his arms and carried her over to the headboard of the bed, sitting them both down as he cradled her in his arms. “You are not pathetic, and I should’ve been more sympathetic. I know you want this to be the ‘perfect wedding’, but I don’t want you to overwork yourself.” Jax kissed his forehead, “The only reason why I suggested that you choose was because you’ve been so caught up on making sure this wedding was perfect for everyone else, you forgot to ask yourself what you wanted. I’ll help you with planning, but for now, would you rather get married inside of outside?”

Pomni smiled sweetly at him, placing an appreciative kiss on his cheek before humming in thought. “Outside, during summer. But then have dinner and the reception inside.”

“There you go,” Jax gave her a squeeze, making her laugh as she snuggled into his arms. “Don’t worry, I’ll handle the menu and all the other stuff that’s giving you grief.”

“Except for the dress,” she informed him, “I wanna handle my dress, no surprises for you mister!”

“Oh no!” he whined sarcastically, making his fiancé laugh harder. “How will I cope with not seeing the beautiful dress my future wife will wear!”

“You’ll survive,” she tapped his nose.

He took her hand, placing a kiss on the inside of her palm.

“I love you Penny,” he whispered.

“I love you too Jack,” she hushed back.

There was no longer a jester and rabbit in that room, replacing them was a young couple with rings on their fingers as they gazed into one another’s eyes with so much love.

Jax blinked and he was back on the empty stage.

“He…I…Pomni…Penny,” he inhaled, fisting his shirt. “I’m…Jack.”

The waves became stronger, suddenly everything was rushing back to him. From the fears of his childhood, his friendship with Winter, his newfound family with the Alvarez’s…and Penny. The love of his life. And she was here. She went looking for him and she’s…

“Pomni!” he gasped.

Penny was Pomni! Pomni was Penny!

She found him! He found her! And she…she went looking for him, after everything he did.

Jax let go of his shirt. He had to find her, he had to tell her how sorry he was, that he couldn’t believe she was here, that we would never let her go ever again!

He let his feet lead him, searching and scanning everywhere for the jester. He had to get to her, he had to!

“Jack! Jax!” Pomni continued to search every room. She dodged every gag thrown at her, she didn’t leave a door wasted unless a purple rabbit was inside. She called out his name, loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough to not wake anyone. Especially Caine.

…

“Pomni?!” Jax ran up to the first hallway, calling out the jester’s name, begging for an answer. His stomach churned when there wasn’t a response. He wouldn’t stop, he had to keep going until she was found. “Penny!”

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Pomni ran up to the stage, it was the only place left. Maybe he was behind the curtain, planning some kind of prank for tomorrow. “Jax?!” she shoved the curtain aside, but there was no rabbit in sight, only the wooden floorboards and the looming height of the ceiling above her. So much space yet he still wasn’t here. He couldn’t have abstracted, it might have sounded crazy but she swore she could still feel him here. She can’t give up. “Jack!” She ran off the stage.

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Jax raced up the stairs to the rooftop, where they had their late-night conversation, she had to be here! He looked everywhere so she had to be! When he arrived however, the only things that greeted him was the twinkling stars in the sky and the vast endless world of the circus grounds. But still no jester inside. Inside, she still had to be inside. And so inside he went.

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Pomni sprinted back up the stairs and into another hallway, she lost count at this point, but she was determined to keep going. She was going to start checking when the door flung open at the end of the hall, revealing a panting and exasperated Jax. Pomni froze, was it really…?

Jax pushed some of his dishevelled fur back, about to continue searching when his yellow eyes made contact with Pomni’s red and blue. It was her, she was here. She was up to, did she know? There was only one way to find out. “Penny?”

Pomni felt her eyes well up with tears, for the first time, she was crying with joy here. “Jack,” she let out a relieved breath and ran up to him.

Jax let laugh-mixed cry escape from his throat as he ran to Pomni as well. The jester jumped into his arms, with him sliding an arm under to support as she gripped the fur at his neck while he grasped onto her pyjama shirt. Jax pressed kisses all over her face wherever he could reach, Pomni laughed wetly and did the same. He spun her round, nothing but carefree laughter filled the empty hall. Only two lost souls finally finding each other against all the odds thrown at them.

“It was the dreams!” she spoke between kisses, “You were in my dreams! It helped me remember!”

“Me too, I had the dreams too,” he replied, as she pressed two kisses to each of his eyelids, “You were in every one of them Penny.”

The small kisses seized and the two returned to holding each other as tightly as they could. This wasn’t a dream, it would be too cruel for them. Pomni wasn’t sure if she could bear it. “Is this real?” she barely whispered into the rabbit’s ear.

“Yeah, this is real as it can get Pen,” he buried his head into her shoulder. “I’m so sorry Penny. This is all my fault.”

“No,” she cupped his cheeks into her hands, “None of this was your fault, you didn’t know you were gonna get sucked into this.”

“But I left you,” he sniffed. “I left you and said all those awful things and got you trapped here too. I didn’t mean it, any of it! I love you so much Penny! I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, hey,” she wiped away his tears, “I’ve already forgiven you long before my mind was stolen here. I love you too.”

He rested his forehead against hers, he missed this, he missed her so much.

She missed him too, all those months of him being gone when everyone tried to look for him. Trail after trail yet still coming up empty. It was too much to bear, to scream out a name that wouldn’t answer back. But he was here, he was alive, he remembered her and she remembered him! It was her turn to cry now, letting a few stray tears fall.

Jax immediately noticed her sniffling, stroking her hair and pressing her face into her shoulder as he soothingly rubbed his hand up and down her back. Wordlessly, he carried her back to the bedroom hallways, make his way to his room. His bed was big enough for the two of them.

Once he entered, he noticed that his bed was still made – due to the fact that he decided to sleep on the stage – with a small stuffed plushie of him in the centre of the pillows. He shut the door with his foot, carrying Pomni to the bed as he laid her down. She didn’t want to let go, but he pried her fingers off him and laid down next to her, pulling a comforter over the two of them.

Pomni grabbed the plushie, squeezing it tight before latching herself onto Jax, not wanting to lose his touch for a second. He was the same, holding her as though she would disappear if he let go. “I never thought I’d get a chance like this again,” she mumbled, “When you disappeared I just-”

“Shh,” he pressed a kiss to her hair, “I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. Never again.”

“Jax...Jack,” her mind was still processing everything, “What made you…why did you…what happened?”

He sighed, stroking her hair. She meant what made him react the way he did that day. The day he left and set of this catalyst. He had to tell her, hiding it caused all of this. He gulped and felt her small hand grip his. With the newfound reassurance, he began, “You remember when I told you about my old foster family?” He felt her nod against him, “Well, the day when I went to get the stuff you like from the coffee shop, I ran into my foster brother Luke.” He heard her gasp, she knew about everything Luke did to him when he was a kid, even the bad stuff. “Yeah, the things he said, it made me spiral a bit. I was gonna tell you and go to Andrea about what happened, but I just felt so weak to do that. There so much going in my head, so much fear and anger. I just wanted to handle it on my own so no one else could be affected by it. Heh, guess that didn’t turn out so well.”

He felt her snuggle closer. “It’s just,” Jax continued, “I was doing so well. I was happy, had a good support system, fell in love.” He ran his fingers through her hair, making her hum appreciatively, “I always thought that if something like that happened I could talk to someone about it. I relapsed pretty hard though. And I’m sorry that you were the one who had to pay for it.”

“Jack-” she started.

He pressed a finger to her lips. “Please, let me finish. You have been nothing but the most extraordinary person in my life, you were always prepared to be there for me whenever I was gonna go through something. I’m so sorry I didn’t talk to you about this. I do trust you with talking about this, I’m the problem. You didn’t deserve any of the hurt I placed onto you. I love you so much, and I’m really sorry.”

She brushed the fur on his cheeks with a smile, “Like I said, I forgive you. I know you Jack, I know how hard it’s been for you. But I also know that you’re able to overcome it as well. That’s something Luke has never been able to do. You made a life for yourself, Luke is just an insecure jerk who was jealous that you were able to be happy. If I ever see him again, I’m gonna use that move Riley taught me and use it on him.”

“You don’t mean…” Jax gaped.

Pomni gave him a sly grin, “Oh yeah, that move.”

“Oh you’re vicious, woman,” he chuckled, diving to her neck and pressed a dozen kisses to her collarbones, “I love it!”

“Jax!” she chortled, trying to shove his shoulders away. “You idiot! Get off!”

“I have to shower my little lady with all the love she deserves. I never knew she could be so wicked! I can’t believe I’m rubbing off on you short stack,” he pressed a few more to the sensitive spot behind her ear, earning him a yip from Pomni.

“Jack!” she giggled. She then dove her head to the side of his neck, taking his fur between her teeth and nipped him.

“Ow! Pomni!” he let out a laugh as he retaliated, “Okay, I yield I yield!” He fell back against his pillows as Pomni laid her head on his chest, feeling rather proud of herself. “You do realise your teeth are sharper here, right?”

“Good,” she hummed, wrapping her arms around his waist.

“Jeez,” his chest shook as he laughed, “Riley taught you well, huh?”

Her sister…Pomni’s smile faded. It had been so long since she last saw her older sister.

Jax immediately picked up on her downed mood, cupping her cheek and lifting her head to his. “Talk to me,” he said.

“I-,” Pomni sighed, “I miss Riley so much. And my mom too. I can’t imagine what they’re going through right now. I forgot about them. They matter so much to me and I just forgot about them! And now that I remember them, it just makes me miss them so much. All I want is to find a way, any way to reach out to them! To tell them that I’m okay and that I’m trying my best to get back to them! I just wanna go home.”

Jax pulled her closer, running his fingers up and down her back again. “I know, I know. I get it. I miss my family too,” he told her. “I miss Winter and her teasing, I miss Laura and her empathy, I miss Nina and Alex’s craziness. I miss everyone. But we’re gonna get back home. I know we will.”

“But it’s impossible,” Pomni interjected, “The exit doors, the void. It all leads nowhere.”

“We remember who we are, don’t we?” he remined her, “That’s a sign that there might be a way to escape this place. Those dreams, we had them for a reason, to remind us of who we are. We’ll find a way.”

“And Caine?” Pomni asked, her voice taking on a more subdued and unsure tone, “What’s gonna happen when he finds out about this.”

Jax froze, recalling that not only had Caine frightened her before with him yelling at her. But he never forgot how Caine had watched her drown, without making a move to help her. He watched Pomni tremble at the thought of the AI, the poor thing was terrified of him. He gripped her tightly and protectively, earning him a surprised squeak from the jester. “Caine isn’t gonna do anything,” he informed her, “If that pair of dentures tries to do anything to you, I will tear him apart. He won’t hurt you while I’m around.”

“He’s a force to be reckoned with Jack,” she said, “The second he catches that something is different he’ll stop at nothing to make sure it’s erased.”

“Then we’ll make sure he doesn’t find out about us,” Jax suggested, “We’ll pretend that nothing’s happened. We’re just two people who don’t know anything about our pasts and are just trying to survive here.”

There was still a bit of doubt lingering at the back of her mind. But Jax’s voice spoke nothing but honesty and safety, she couldn’t help but feel inclined to believe him. “You sure we’re able to do that?”

“Well, you’re going to have to control being head over heels in love with me, but I’m sure we can hide it pretty well,” he was cut off by a pillow whacking him in the face. “No please, not my pretty face!”

“That pretty face of yours won’t save you now bunny boy!” she snickered as she continued to pillow attack. “Besides, you couldn’t keep your hands to yourself in the maze! You picked me up and everything!”

“Only because you cuddled me in your sleep!” he retorted through another laugh, managing to grab her arms and pull her back onto his chest, caging her in his grasp.

Pomni tried to wriggle out and whack him again, but the warmth of his body and softness of his fur lulled her into a state of relaxation. Never mind, she would get him back later. “You’re the worst,” she muttered, “But I don’t mind.”

“Heh, I know…” he paused, taking both her cheeks in his hands again and raised her gaze to his. “Trust me, we’re gonna get out of here. And we’ll see our families again.”

Pomni nodded, a sweet smile gracing her features, “I believe you.”

Jax pressed another kiss to the centre of her face before she relaxed in his hold again.

The two paused, a low tension filled the room as they let their eyes linger on one another for a bit longer than they would like to admit. Slowly, Jax and Pomni came closer and let their lips touch ever so gently. It felt different – they weren’t human lips after all – but it was like all the kisses that they had shared before. Whether it was a chaste peck, a deep kiss when no one was looking, or a promise left on one another’s lips after a night tangled sheets, each one was filled with nothing but the tender and sweet love that they shared for each other.

They pulled away, both of them letting out a breath. Within the silence, they were sure they could hear their hearts racing a million miles per hour. Unable to hold back, the two let out a mirth-filled laugh and as they connected their lips again.

And again, and again, and again.

After a while, they settled back into the mattress, With Jax running his fingers through Pomni’s hair and over her back, making sure that this was real, that he finally had his memories back, that he finally had Penny back. She squeezed him, a silent telling for him that confirmed what he wanted to know. This was real.

“I love you,” Jax whispered into her hair.

“I love you too,” Pomni breathed back to him.

That night everything was perfect. That night the storm had finally cleared. That night, two separated spirits finally found their way back to each other. That night, they would stop at nothing until freedom was granted for them and everyone else here.

That night, Jack and Penny slept in each other’s arms.

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Riley sighed as she drove down the road, taking a breath to steady her nerves. She had just come back from work after another endless and failed search for her sister and Jack. Winter was at her mother’s house with their son, it was her day off and her wife desperately needed a break. It took some convincing and promising, but Winter had eventually agreed to go.

It was a hard time for them both, but after the stress of Jack being added to her pregnancy and the birth of Percy, it hit Winter hard. But it didn’t mean that Riley wasn’t affected too. Seeing her baby sister’s face plastered on a missing poster, a constant reminder that mocked her over the fact that Penny was missing. It made Riley want to scream, cry, punch someone in the face, beg to whatever entity that was out there to return her little sister.

It wasn’t fair, Penny was innocent she didn’t deserve this.

And Jack, oh how she wished she took back everything she said about Jack. Of course she was protective over her sister but hearing Winter’s cry every night over her lost brother, it just made the guilt of saying those things to him sting so much worse.

Riley groaned, rubbing a hand over her face. What she needed was a glass of wine to calm her nerves before tackling anything else.

She was coming up to her and Winter’s house when she stopped the car as quietly as she could beside her neighbour’s house. At her front door was a man, his back was facing her so she couldn’t get a good look at his face. He seemed to be looking through the window on the door, trying to get a look through the patterned glass to see if there was anyone inside. Riley reached for her belt, unhooking some pepper spray that she had on hand. Even before she became an FBI agent, she was always well equipped with it in case anyone tried something.

When the man started to move to the windows on the side of the house did she start to intervene, hopping out the car as quietly as she could and made her way up to him. He was lucky that Winter and Percy weren’t here, otherwise it would have been a lot worse for this intruder. She snuck up behind him as he tried to peer through the windows, not noticing the fuming redhead coming up.

Before he could register the glimpse of her shadow, Riley grabbed his arm and threw him over her shoulder, sending him to the ground before pressing a foot on his stomach, making sure he didn’t get up. “Who are you? What the hell are you doing loitering around my house?!” she demanded, aiming the pepper spray at him.

The man whimpered, he looked quite young. But Riley didn’t relent, he was still an intruder after all. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” he cried, holding his hands up in surrender, “I wasn’t trying to do anything bad! I was just wanting to see if you were in!”

“Oh really?” Riley wasn’t convinced in the slightest, “Normal people don’t try to look in the windows to see if anyone’s in!”

“Wait, wait, wait!” he begged, he was trembling now, “I swear, I didn’t mean any harm! I just need your help! Please!”

Riley slightly lowered the pepper spray. She got a proper look at his face once the guy’s arms were lowered. He looked pretty young, probably starting college but the look in his eyes made him seem more youthful than he should. Guilt twinged at her, he was probably some awkward kid who didn’t know any better. She signed, putting the pepper spray away and taking her foot off, letting the young man gather himself but still kept an eye on him in case he did anything suspicious. He was still a stranger lurking around her house.

“Talk,” she said, keeping her hand on her belt.

The boy gulped, wringing his hands anxiously. “R-right,” he cleared his throat, “You’re Riley Reed right? Your younger sister is Penny Reed?”

She stiffened at her sister’s name, each muscle in her body tightening, “My last name has been all over the news since she disappeared, if it isn’t obvious enough.”

“I k-know,” the boy nodded, noticing the woman’s unease. “My name I-is Samual, Samual Abel.”

She knew that name, back when the very first case came out, “Your Kaleb and Quinn Abel’s kid, aren’t you?”

The boy’s face lit up, “Yes! I mean, yes, that’s me. Look, I know this might be hard to believe but I think I know what happened to your sister.”

Riley froze, as though a bucket of ice had landed on her head. “You…you know what happened to Penny?”

“Well, no, kind of?” Samual told her.

“Excuse me?” she groaned, “You came all this way here to tell me that you might know what happened to Penny, only for you to say that you actually don’t. You better not be wasting my time here.”

“I’m not!” he exclaimed, “I’m not, trust me! Whatever happened to your sister, I know it has something to do with C&A!”

“And why should I believe you?” she crossed her arms. “I’m not here to entertain whatever conspiracy theory you’ve got going on. You can’t dangle the promise of me being able to see my sister again and then say you have no idea what’s going on!”

“Because whatever happened to her happened to my parents!” Samual cried, “I know they wouldn’t just leave me, I know something was going on that day and whatever it is, it’s started taking other people, including your sister! I’ve just been too afraid to investigate because Jason always told me that it’s all in my head, but I don’t think it is anymore.”

Riley paused for a moment. This kid seemed to be genuine with what he was saying. He’d been dealing with this much longer than she had, his parents were the first to go. To have to bear with that type of weight and have everyone turn you away when you wanted to look for them. The way he spoke, as if he knew something was going on. What if this was really the first step to finding Penny?

“I know it sounds crazy,” Samual admitted, “But I need your help. You’re one of the only people that I can think of who can help me with something like this. Please Riley, you’ve gotta trust me with this.”

If this was true, if C&A had something to do with her little sister going missing, if Samual was really speaking the truth, then she couldn’t turn away from this. There was an internal pull, her gut screaming at her to go through with this, to take this chance, that if she chose this then she’ll find Penny and Jack.

Riley sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose between her thumb and index finger before looking back at Samual, “You better know what you’re doing.”

The kid looked like a thousand fireworks went off in his brain, jumping and fist bumping the air in complete and utter joy. “Yes! Thank you!” he cheered, going in for a hug.

“Nuh uh,” she raised a hand to stop him, “No touching.”

“Right, sorry, of course,” he apologised, “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, just glad to have someone on my side.”

“Baby steps,” Riley told him, “There’s a long road ahead of us.”

“I know, trust me, you won’t regret this,” he beamed, “We might actually find them.”

Riley hummed, “I hope so kid. I hope so.”

Hang in there, Penny, I’m coming.

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End of Part 1

To Be Continued...

#the amazing digital circus #jax #pomni #pomnijax #funnybunny #ragatha #gangle #kinger #zooble #caine #bubble #my writing #dragon rambles #fanfiction #fanfic #ao3

[itsmalleus]

[TRUST OR SURPRISE ME NOT?] - Floyd Leech x Riddle Rosehearts AU / SMAU

Intro: Where in, Floyd has been bugging Riddle on twitter regarding his gift, but the Heartslabyul housewarden ain't taking it anymore.

notes:

- short au

- fluff and crack

- don't mind the timestamps

twitter profiles

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written parts:

Riddle went out of his room and walked towards the Heartslabyul dorm entrance - he doesn't know if Floyd is just joking or maybe pranking him, but he sure does know that Floyd won't stop nagging at him if he didn't show up.

The Heartslabyul housewarden was already near the entrance door when he saw Floyd standing at the gate.

"I thought you were just pranking me!" Riddle was already in a pout, when he reached Floyd.

Floyd just smiled widely at him - a smile that's too sweet and warm, Riddle thought to himself.

"Would never prank that I was here even when I'm not, little goldy." Riddle just chuckled at Floyd and the nickname that he was given to.

At first, he didn't like it that much, but this is Floyd he was talking about. Knowing Floyd himself, he won't stop calling Riddle his 'goldfish' nickname, so he just let him be.

"So, what's the matter? Why did you call me outside?" Riddle asked, and Floyd just winked at him.

"Well, here's the surprise that I'm talking about." Floyd said, before picking up the bouquet of red roses and a box of strawberry tart on the nearby carriage.

"I was with Jade at the market and I just saw these from a stall - they're kind of a bakery and flower shop at the same time, and it reminded me of you. So, here." Floyd explained, as he gave the bouquet of red roses and a box of strawberry tart to Riddle.

To say that Riddle is completely red from neck to his face is an understatement - he was shy, thankful, and kind of experiencing some butterflies in his stomach right now.

"Thank you, Floyd. I thought it was another prank, but really, thank you!" Riddle was extremely happy right now.

Floyd has been courting him for quite some time now, and Riddle knew that he also wanted Floyd as his companion and love partner, so he was thinking if it's already the right time to answer him.

"Anything for you, my little goldy." Floyd smiled at him, and Riddle just wanted to claim the man (if he could claim him for his own).

"Well, that's all, little goldy. I'll be going back to my dorm now, okay? You can go back to your room as well. I'll leave after you go inside." Not known to many, but Floyd is a total gentleman.

Riddle was looking at Floyd - heart racing and thoughts swarmed his mind, but he was already ready to go on to the next step.

Floyd looked back at Riddle, and his warm smile was not leaving his face - 'I love him so much!' Riddle thought to himself.

So, he totally took every courage that he had in his body and just blurted it all out.

"I love you, I really do. I didn't expect this gift, and I'm so happy right now. I love you with all my heart, Floyd. I'm sorry that it took quite some time, but I just want to say that I'm ready to take the next step." It was as if he was rapping - Riddle thought.

Floyd on the other hand was surprised and suddenly felt a rollercoaster ride of emotions.

The merman has been courting Riddle for quite some time, so to hear these words from Riddle himself is such a blessing for him.

"Can I hug you?" Floyd asked for Riddle's consent and the Heartslabyul housewarden just nodded at him.

Floyd was so ecstatic that he immediately hugged Riddle (but still with utmost care, as Riddle was still holding his gifts that he gave him earlier).

"Thank you and I love you too! I love you most, my little goldy!" Riddle can see the joy from Floyd's voice, and he just nuzzled along from their warm hug (carefully holding Floyd's gifts using his right hand).

It took some minutes or so before they broke from the hug, and both Floyd and Riddle's faces were painted with a pinkish red shade of blush.

"So, lover?" Floyd asked - for assurance that he got it right.

"Lover." Riddle answered - a smile still hasn't left his face.

Both were feeling ecstatic, loved, and joyful, but the sound of the campus bell shook the both of them.

Upon hearing the sound of the bell, Riddle pouted, as he needed to go back to his dorm to guide everyone from their upcoming events. Being a housewarden is a labor itself.

Floyd must've caught on, so he ruffled Riddle's hair.

"Silly! We'll still see each other tomorrow. I understand that you still have some things to do, so don't worry, little goldy." Floyd assured Riddle.

The gentle ruffles made Riddle giggle and Floyd was so in love once again.

"Before you leave, may I ask something?" Floyd asked.

"What is it?" Riddle was curious at the sudden question, but at the back of his mind, he wanted Floyd to kiss his forehead or his nose or his lips.

"Is it too fast if I ask your consent for a kiss?" There's a bit of hesitation in Floyd's voice, but he was so good at concealing it - Riddle thought to himself.

"Nope, and you may. Was just thinking of the same thing." Riddle was giggling while saying this to Floyd.

Both of them just laughed and adored each other so much. Riddle was even thankful that Floyd was always asking for his consent, which he clearly loves about the guy.

After composing themselves, Floyd held Riddle's chin and gently kissed the housewarden's forehead.

Riddle pouted, because he thought it was on the lips. He dreamt it long ago that Floyd kissed him on the lips, so he was really bothered at times - mostly shy when he looked at Floyd.

Floyd just laughed, upon seeing that Riddle was already in a pout. He wanted to tease the housewarden more, but he himself is weak towards Riddle.

So, without giving it much thought, Floyd gently kissed Riddle on the housewarden's nose, then on both of his cheeks, and lastly on Riddle's soft and plump lips.

Both of them were so ecstatic, as the kiss was gentle and sweet - it felt like they were in a paradise of their own, and upon knowing that both of them were each other's first kiss, it's more meaningful.

Although it was just a quick peck, the both of them are a blushing mess.

"So, see you tomorrow? I guess?" Riddle broke the ice, still blushing hard and shy.

"See you tomorrow, my little goldy. Thank you!" Floyd answered, before plunging himself into Riddle - to give the housewarden a one last hug before they go to their respective dorm today.

They both giggled, before deciding to call it a day. Riddle went back to his dorm - upon knowing that Riddle already went in, Floyd also decided to go back to Octavinelle.

Floyd and Riddle were grinning from one ear to another - although both were in different places, they can't just stop themselves from being overjoyed with their now elevated romantic relationship.

end of written parts

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- THE END - 

#twisted wonderland #twst #disney twst #twst au #twst smau #twisted wonderland fanfic #twisted wonderland au #twisted wonderland fic #twisted wonderland smau #floyd leech #riddle rosehearts #octavinelle #heartslabyul #floyd x riddle #riddle x floyd #floyd x riddle au #riddle x floyd au #au #twst fanfic #fanfic #smau #fluff #twst fluff #riddle fluff #floyd fluff #floyd x riddle fluff #riddle x floyd fluff

[cant-get-no-worse]

i am always very intrigued by the neymessi relationship. thoughts on them?

Hiya people! I'm currently having a good chuckle because as I read your asks, I see mutuals celebrating the neymessi overtaking cressi on ao3 party. Uncanny. World colllides. Anyways. Imma rant now, you just gave me free real estate!

Disclaimer : this isn't me parasocially psychoanalizing the friendship of two grown ass men I've never seen nor talked to, this is just me covering bases of funny thoughts me n some friends have been entertaining about it. It's senseless ramble and fun and I gotta make profit off of those hours I spend looking at them interact aight.

First of, whatever I could say about it, in the end, everything condenses into this, really: it's a beautiful human bound. Akin to those unlikely friendships brought together by football — kinda makes you think this god wrenched sport isn't so wasted after all. Then you see Harry Kane's face, and you deflate, but that's a whole otha thang (sorry Kane mutuals) (the bloke is coming to PSG anyways).

It's all the more fascinating as we partially saw it develop in real life, and its 'public' aspect is well documented, from the tweets of Neymar all the way back in 2011 fan girling over Messi when they hadn't even met, to the countless footage of games, backstages, documentaries, interviews, little snippets here and there. Let's go over some aspects in an orderly manner.

Similarities between Neymar and other dudes

You can kind of wonder how Leo, introverted as he is, could have ended up entertaining a decade-long friendship (spent apart for four whole years) with such guy as Neymar, a whole five years his junior. And then you look at Leo’s other myriad of friends over the course of the years: Ronaldinho, the whole Brazilian squad of Barcelona who took him under their wing because they liked him, Kun Agüero, Rodrigo De Paul and Leandro Paredes. All extroverted, a bit immature/impulsive, loudmouthed, joyful dudes, and then you realize the guy just has a knack for befriending such people. It just compliments his character. (I’m not adding Luis Suarez to the bunch cause while Luis is impulsive, loudmouthed, extroverted, joyful, he is also a whole other vibe, much more settled/mature, it’s a whole other thing. Could rant about it for hours too. That Messi/Suarez friendship is so genuine, easy, weird, and amazing).

What’s the diff with Suarez

So talking about Suarez, I think the best way to start discerning a relationship is to oppose it to others. The easiest way being here opposing the Messi/Suarez and Neymar/Suarez to the Neymar/Messi. They’re all friends, but the duos don’t work the same way, and it’s obvious. Messi/Suarez are besties, they share the same age, interests, mate, families, whatever. Messi brought him on his honeymoon. Like what the actual fuck. Anyways. Suarez/Neymar reads more like a friend/brothers relationship, were they liked to mess around, fuck around and make fun of each other. You’d think since Suarez and Messi are rigorously the same age, Messi and Neymar’d have a similar relationship. But na. You just can’t look at it and state Messi/Neymar relationship is only brother like. They are brothers, but not only. There’s a shit ton of layers, due to the circumstances of their meeting, their career trajectories, what they represent, for their countries as for football, the roles they had to assume towards each other at FCB in the beginning, but also due to their characters. So what’s the layers?

Childhood/idol

The whole « child gets to play alongside the idol he used to watch on TV » boat has been sailed already by a ton of other players from all leagues, it’s one of the joys of this sport. It’s very sweet, to see how much Neymar used to hop on Twitter to unabashedly fanboy alongside other people over a Messi performance or to even just wish him a very enthused happy birthday (the proofs are there and he hasn’t even deleted them lmfao, the boy was relentless). What I like about it, however, is how little that behavior faltered over the course of the years. Younger players generally tone down the whole idolizing stuff, whether because they’re disillusioned about it (don’t meet your heroes, eh), because they’re just getting used to it, because it’d be awkward, they reserve it when they’re asked about it, in shorter commentaries. Neymar didn’t. Quite the contrary; it’s like playing with Messi only heightened his esteem for the other’s abilities, and to this admiration of the professional side, a personal layer of first-hand appreciation, by becoming a teammate and a friend, was added. Ten years later, placing a bet on Neymar name-dropping Messi on his interviews remains the safest money gambling you’ll do in your life, alongside betting on Pep doing the same (Pep’s odds are admittedly a bit higher, but the man is just batshit insane.) How little Neymar cares about how his admiration is perceived by others or by Leo himself, how unabashedly awed and praiseful he remained of Leo’s skills. Leo himself said he found it a bit embarrassing at times, because Neymar would say it to his face, but at the end of the day, it was just flattering and endearing to receive compliments from a friend and a fellow good player. That side of their relationship could have become, as some put it, embarrassing or awkward, a star-struck teammate who never grew out of it, but because of the sheer sincere nature of both their character (albeit a transparency showing through different ways, Neymar’s being the most flashy) – a trait that seemed to have been key in the establishment of their friendship – they managed to make it simply impossible for it to be embarrassing. They’re completely candid with the other about that, have been since day one, and the result is one of the healthiest child-turned-teammate-of-idol relationship you’ll get to witness. It’s utterly touching, and extremely human.

Brazil/Arg superstars & Countries rivalry

The other obvious aspect is the whole Brazil/Argentina dichotomy. This one is the thing that get a lot of imagination fuming on the internet due to the cinematic parallels/star crossed/movie-like narratives you can appose and romanticize. Barring every other consideration, I just think it’s so fitting it’s almost laughable. The resemblances in career path – two players from arguably the two countries the most insane about football and with the greatest football legacy, star boys turned 10 and figures of their respective selections, compared to an early age to the two ever looming figures of Maradona and Pelé (although Messi probably in a more glaring way, with Maradona himself stating outright the succession thing and Neymar’s comparisons being split between Pelé and Ronaldinho’s profiles). Their friendship threw a bridge over that eternal rivalry, bridge that became all the more obvious the more years passed and the more they became the centralizing figures for their NT and faced each other on the fields. The two teams trash each other on the ground, but respect prevail between players – not just Neymar and Leo, btw, that goes for seemingly every player, given that a lot of them crosses paths with each other at club level. In any case, I believe that mutual respect condenses itself in the 10’s relationship. The video of Leo refusing to engage in a song mocking Brazil (2023 Arg-Panama WC celebration) (keeping in mind trash-singing culture is widespread in Latin America, much more so than Europe; singing such songs isn’t necessarily personal, it’s just… tradition, and especially when you’re Brazil and Argentina and you just beat the other) and in another instance (after the 2021 Copa America) actively discouraging teammates to drop the subject tells you everything you need to know about the amount of care/respect the both of them hold each other to.

Mentor

There’s the whole mentoring role to it, too. When Neymar arrived in 2013 in the team, Leo had established himself already. Puyol, Xavi, Iniesta, all remained the older mentors of the team, but in term of talent and path, it kind of became obvious that Neymar could become Leo’s protegee the same way Leo was Dinho’s. The first steps were hesitants, as we all know, what with Neymar needing time to fit in a whole new league and continent, the infamous locker room chat, but after a year or so the ball got rolling (ha-ha). Imo, eventually (perhaps not in the first years, but from 2015/2016, at least after the 2014 WC) Leo seemed to have fully settled/grew into this kind of mentor-mentality and wanted to help Neymar get his BO and stuff. That’s partly why the 2017 departure could have left a bitterness aftertaste or at least a feeling of failure to have completely achieved what Dinho did on his part. See how eager he was to help Ousmane when Dembélé arrived.

Complementary play and MSN balance

On the football side, I mean. Not much to say. They’re probably the two guys with the biggest reserve of pure, raw talent of the 21st century (I mean from 2000 til 2023, as far as we know). It’s ridiculous how those two guys ended up playing together. At 20 years old, people were asking if Messi was one of the greatest players of all time, and at 21 years old, Ronaldinho said that Neymar would surpass Messi. Talent doesn’t necessarily equal chemistry on field, tho (cough side glance at you know where cough), yet they made it work, thanks to Luis who provided the final balance for it all. Funnily enough, people always praise MSN as being completely devoid of ego, as if they’re some kind of saints individually, but that’s not true. They have some ego, they’re just good dudes. Ego isn’t a bad personality trait. Most top athletes have it, it pushes you. Those guys just knew where to place it, how to handle it, and they were just too good of persons individually, and too good friends mutually. They were selfless with each other, and it was so damn refreshing to see, and it's something that perpetuates still at PSG.

Physical proximity/chemistry

Do you hear that? That’s the horde of Ao3 writers barreling towards, foam at their mouth and keyboards at their fingers, wide eyed. Quick, shut the door. Oh wait, I’m one of them. YOU’RE TRAPPED. HAHA.

Na, about that, it’s just of those things that happen. Their chemistry and instinct to touch is obvious, if the hundredths of pictures and compils with Ariana Grande screaming Save Your Tears in the background wasn’t enough to pass the hint. But honestly, there’s nothing more to see here. Some players get more physical than others, just because. Some people get more physical than others, just because. That’s chemistry. Football, like all sports, take you from the lowest point just to lift you up with an adrenaline rush the very next minute. Unlike other sports, however, it’s a team sport, so you play, you work through it, you win, you celebrate not alone, but with other people. Much more so when you’re working as a unit, like Neymar and Messi were with Suarez as the forwards, tuning to each other’s mind/bodies to get the chemistry running and the goals flowing.

Seeing them together uncannily reminded me of one of my own relationship with someone in my entourage. We disliked each other, and then kind of overnight, unexpectedly, became friends, and started touching each other. There wasn’t anything sexual about it, it was innocent in all forms, but there was just this instinctive, mindless move of putting arms around each other’s shoulders, holding hands, or whatever. There was genuinely nothing to see here, it’s just the way our friendship/relationship worked. It’s an intrinsic part of it, a constant. Touching holds more than a thousand words. You can imagine how such a medium of communication is exalted through sports, where physicality is everywhere and the first language everyone speaks.

Whether in 2015 or 2022, take any video, they’re always going to be jumping to each other. There’s some degrees of variation; sometimes, most times, it’s to celebrate, it’s euphoric and lively and flying about, others it’s a touch on the shoulder, the hair, the waist. Whether as a teammate checking on the other because of an injury (generally it was due to Neymar being bodied by opposition players), diffusing a situation (Neymar getting worked up over another player), as friends gossiping, as opposite players (Leo asking for a yellow on Ney and then both touching to level the situation), a hug or touch on the thigh (2015 UCL celebration), a gentle touch on a knee during training for no other reason than it’s a natural instinct and it’s an relationship in which it’s normal, whatever. Sometimes they hug to celebrate, sometimes it’s loaded (see 2021 CA final). I can’t explain it, just browse about and you’ll see plenty. It’s also the eyes — Neymar can be caught looking unabashedly at Leo with the same adoration as a kid. His platonic passion is just one of a kind. Leo will be found staring amused, tender or just lost in thought. It’s endearing. The eyes, chico. Once again; it just works.

There’s not much to see or read here, it’s just because it is. Marco Verratti doesn’t have a relationship as personal with them as they do and yet the fucker will always find a way to touch them thighs or shoulders – because some people are just physical like that. Also because he’s an Italian hooker. But that’s a whole other story. Ramos and Modric have insane chemistry in the same way. A handful of teammates pairs have that kind of thing going.

They also don’t convey it like the other people they’re physically close to. You just watch Messi and Suarez interact and touch (and they do! A lot!) and it’s not the same as when Neymar and Messi do. Messi and Agüero, Messi and Piqué (cough), Messi and Pedri, Neymar and Mbappé, Neymar and Dani Alves, Neymar and the whole fucking world cause he’s that touchy mf. Each one of these ways of touching tell the depths and subtleties of the relationship lying behind, you could ramble hours about two people like I’m doing but at the end of the day you just look at how the both of them touch and look, and you get it. (i direct you to cara's blog!)

It works for them, as it works for lots of human beings. We touch to convey stuff. They lived through tough and euphoric times with their club, had the weight of the two arguably most prestigious football selections on their shoulders, went through boring training sessions, flights, team drama, tax evasion stuff (cue laughter), they’ve been evolving in the same world of money, public and fast-paced life for years. Add to that the personal relationship - friends, teammates, mentors, opposites, etc. They’re on a common understanding ground. They touch. That’s the wordless language.

Extrovert/introvert

The extrovert introvert thing, blabla. It’s just endlessly entertaining to see them interact because it seems like a stark contrast on paper, but in reality, they kinda even each other out. Neymar is his usual outgoing, ray of sunshine (Galtier’s words, not mine), fidgeting, energy-filled dude, and Leo’s calm, dealing with his shit on his own terms, perfectly okay with not talking, but also perfectly okay with gossiping and joking about. That’s one of the most underrated aspects to their friendship, imo. It just seems, from 2013 to now, that they just have tremendous fun being around each other. It’s not the same kind of energetic, very showy-pranksty-physically fun you can see Neymar have with other Brazilians or Suarez or Mbappé etc, because of Leo’s character, it happens in a different way (the energies match differently). Whether at Barca, on an international pitch or at PSG, each time they are seen being around each other, you just know there’s gonna be a picture of them cracking up over dumb shit. Every time. Clockwork. It’s kinda amazing lmfao.

The 2017 – 2021 era

Now you’d think they’d be close during their days at FCB because of circumstances; you have a coworker, you surprisingly get along fine, you become friends, then one of you leave works, and slowly but surely the relationship or wish to reunite get fainter and fainter. It’s just something we experience a lot, and it’s also something you see in football a lot due to transfers (cue that tumblr post about a player transfering is like selling your child). Players become friends, friendships get severed because of space and time and the impossible schedule. The thing with Ney and Leo is that all throughout 2017 – 2021, they not only seemed to have maintained a friendship, but above all a fierce wish to play with each other again. Multiple accounts from that period of time say Leo reportedly asked for Neymar to be brought back by the board each time they asked which improvements/suggestions the players (and esp Leo, given his influence at FCB) would give. Neymar stated multiple times and publicly (in a typical Neymar fashion) that he wanted to play with Leo again. It’s like they’d found the perfect partnership, on and off the pitch, and they were both wanting it again.

The Barça to PSG transition

Now the PSG era!! It's quite fascinating, for you could consider the dynamics to have been inversed: Leo was the one arriving, Neymar was the experienced one on these grounds. There’s no football mentorship going on, for Neymar didn't have to teach Leo how to play, Leo having enough experience to just about integrate himself anywhere, but there is the mentorship in adapting, if you will – to a new league, new country, new teammates. Similarities in situation plastered everywhere, eight years later. You can kind of see why it can be easy to go mad at how this entire relationship do seem like a written story filled with parallels cause the author is so keen on it.

In the first year, Leo was seen hanging with the Latam - Neymar, Paredes, Di Maria, Icardi etc - (and Marco Verratti, cause the short fucker is just likeable like that) to the point where there really seemed to be "clans" within the locker rooms. I don't think it's necessarily true, rather it was just a bunch of close friends (two of which he'd just won the Copa América with) and shameless admirers of him who were all too eager to help him adapt, esp given Leo's character - he just isn't one to take the first step towards others, normally, even less so in a foreign country/club where locker rooms dynamics are already up and going. I don't remember which PSG ex player said he was quiet in his corner and didn't make no waves. Then after Di Maria and Paredes' departure, it seems Neymar really took on that role.

See the videos of training or games from 2021 – 2023, a rough 80% of the time they remain glued to each other, with others tagging along (Verratti esp). They do the exercises together, they warm up alongside, they go in and out of the pitch talking, they wait talking (see : the Riyadh XI game). The difference with FCB times are quite stark: in Barça they would have other friends to be around to here and there - Suarez, Busquets, Alba, Piqué, Alves - while it seems at PSG they're revolving around each other. Not that Neymar doesn't have friends; he's befriended the whole locker room, but he did once slip in whatever interview that Paris had never managed to be really home. It's nothing dramatic, but an interesting insight. Leo on the other hand is perhaps not very interested in entertaining personal relationships with the other players outside of professionalism – once again Verratti seems to be an exception, they stick a lot together esp since Neymar’s injury —, so it’s just natural. So it was about falling back/gravitating around the most familiar thing you could find, made all the more obvious after the Di Maria/Paredes departure. They know each other, it’s a relationship of transparency and trust (as aforementioned) and fun, and they'd always wanted to play with each other again. At that point, it's not a new friendship where they just know each other for two years on surface, are unsure about each other, or prompt to unstability or smth. They've been friends for a decade. They've been through very emotional moments in club and in nation (2021 CA Final), it's not just being coworkers. Old habits die hard, etc. Imo the core of the relationship didn't change, but the setting and circumstances did add closeness to them - Leo is just fine/most comfortable being with Neymar and Verratti mostly, and the two are too happy to oblige because they love him. Makes for a wonderful midget trio, of which we unfortunately didn't get enough.

Conclusion

I like it. As you could probably guess from the Bible-length commentary I just pumped out. It’s just refreshing to see a relationship as genuine as these two, seemingly coming out of the blue, that somehow continued through time and space separation. The absurd resilience of such bound makes it seems so effortless for them to be friends, due to the fundamentally good/true nature of their respective characters, and I treasure it dearly, even more so after having followed/seen other friendships from different players be broken up over shit. It’s a caring, genuine, trusting, tender, fun, complicit relationship, and one I think will go on beyond the end of their football careers – in other forms.

#anon ask #ciene talks a lot about useless stuff #neymar #messi

[invisibleicewands]

Michael Sheen on art, fear and Amadeus: ‘David Suchet was in really good shape. I … am not!’ 

Those who have followed the career of the Welsh actor Michael Sheen might expect to encounter a chatty charmer, the “bare-footed buffoon” of his Twitter bio, a full-throated stage animal.

But when he meets Guardian Australia, “harried” is the word that springs to mind – a Sheen closer to the exaggerated version of himself he plays in the Covid lockdown TV hit Staged, not given to suffering fools. At one point I swear he rolled his eyes.

“It’s crunch week,” he says. “Very intense.”

Best known for his roles in The Queen, Good Omens and Masters of Sex, he meets me straight from a wig fitting for his role as Italian composer Antonio Salieri, in a new production of Peter Shaffer’s Tony award-winning play Amadeus at Sydney Opera House. He’s shaved his pandemic beard and is wearing jeans, sipping tea from a mug with his name stuck to it. His blue-brown-green eyes are shining. (He once said on Twitter that his eye colour changes “rather annoyingly.”)

“Crunch week” is the frantic rehearsal period leading up to a production’s first performance. This one has been made more crunchy than usual by the Christmas break, and an extra three days Sheen lost to a “really rough” stomach bug that also took down his partner, actor Anna Lundberg and three-year-old daughter Lyra; along with their six-month-old baby, the family are with Sheen for the season. They are not getting much sleep.

This should be a time of joy for Sheen: World Cup season for a fan whose love of the sport went viral last September, when he gave a rousing speech to the Welsh team. But due to the time difference, illness and new father duties, he says, “It’s the World Cup I’ve seen the least of.”

Perhaps they were “a bit mad” to come to Australia with a new baby at Christmas time – but it’s his first time in Australia, and Sheen couldn’t resist. “There might not be another opportunity and the children are young enough to travel,” he says, adding that Anna’s family are about to fly in from Sweden.

At least Sheen comes to Amadeus thoroughly grounded in its workings, having played the young Mozart in Sir Peter Hall’s staging nearly a quarter of a century ago. That production took him from the West End to Broadway and Los Angeles, and opened the doors to a film career that has included his flawless playing of British PM Tony Blair in The Queen, David Frost in Frost/Nixon (opposite Frank Langella, who played Salieri on Broadway in 1982) and the prestige TV series Masters of Sex. And let’s not forget Last Train to Christmas.

Sheen was 30 at the time; David Suchet played Salieri, the role Sheen steps into now.

“Peter [Hall] was an absolute legend. To get to know him a bit and listen to him talk about the play, that was so great,” says Sheen. “It was also my first time with the Old Vic and I just loved being a part of that. While we were on Broadway, Barry Humphries was doing his Dame Edna show. I saw him and I was absolutely blown away by the danger and the genius of it. He invited me to lunch, which was just lovely – and now Barry is here in Sydney and coming to see me again.”

Sheen remembers his Broadway and Los Angeles experiences fondly – mostly for their idiosyncrasies. For instance, on Broadway, “people clap you at the end of a speech, or clap you when you walk on stage after you’ve had a good review. The oddness of that!”

Playing Mozart remains the longest single theatre engagement of Sheen’s career. “It lasted about 18 months. It was quite hard going at times.” He played Mozart “like he had nuclear reactor inside him,” Sheen recalls. “It’s a positive creative force but it’s also destructive. He’s driven by it and has to try and keep up with it. All that scatological stuff he says, all the personality quirks, they are all coping mechanisms for someone being hurled through space at 1000 miles an hour.”

Playing the older role is no cakewalk either. Salieri is the storyteller, the main focus. One monologue charting the rise and fall of Mozart runs for several pages.

“The play is very demanding and I’m not in the shape I used to be,” says Sheen, who is 53. “I’ve had two children in the last few years, and what with work and everything that’s happened with Covid, it’s been hard to do all the exercise you need to do. I remember David [Suchet] was going to the gym all the time, he was in really good shape. And I … am not!”

That said, this relatively short Sydney season will allow Sheen to let rip to some extent, he says.

“There is much more freedom to explore when you’re playing Salieri … there’s a lot more room to try things out.”

Directed by Craig Illott, the Opera House production features western Sydney actor Rahel Romahn, 28, as Mozart.

“The thing with Mozart is that he’s a mirror to Salieri,” says Sheen. “Before Mozart came along, Salieri considered himself a risk-taker, a pioneering creative artist. Mozart introduces colours he hadn’t known before, concepts he wasn’t aware of. Mozart is an artist. Salieri is someone who has had a career.”

Which is why, Sheen explains, “Salieri has to smash the mirror.”

Is it inevitable that artists lose touch with the creative spark as careers burgeon and responsibilities grow? Does making great art get harder as you grow older?

“I actually don’t think it’s about age, so much,” Sheen says. “We all start off with a sense of an ideal and what we would like to achieve and strive for. It’s about balancing your career and your life responsibilities, but staying true to your original impetus. Are you satisfying yourself creatively? Are you challenging yourself? Are you developing and getting better? I think anyone creative worth their salt is asking themselves that every day.

“When you work on this play, you explore those insecurities and fears, and I have them just like anyone else does. In any part you explore, you look for the bits you connect with and then you amplify them and splash about with them a bit, and that’s what brings the piece to life. It’s not comfortable, but I quite enjoy that. In the end, if you don’t want to explore those things, you shouldn’t play Salieri.”

https://www.theguardian.com

#Michael Sheen #Interview #Amadeus #Theatre #Sydney Opera House

[jaybug-jabbers]

I have moved to a new place, which means going through some very, very old boxes of mine. Here's some running commetary I did for some of it on Twitter

Photo 1: When I was a little lass, I used to buy these chapsticks called Lipsmackers. They came in a zillion different flavors. I used to bite them like candy. To be fair they really, really marketed them as if they were candy. They made many of the caps with a hole in them so you could wear the chapstick on a necklace chain for some reason (which I did).

Why do I still have them? Well when I got older and stopped eating these things, I still liked to use them like a normal human, but also just to smell them, they were very nice smelling. They. Do Not smell nice anymore but that is to be expected. It's been a while.

Anyway that's a very weird product from the past, the joy of collecting all the flavors and wearing them on a necklace was just as much a part of the process as actually using them, they made every single one a unique color and I think that was to appeal to Collectors. Like I got legit so excited when I went to the store and saw New flavors. And the glittery-colored ones were like cracking open a pack of cards to find a Foil, lol

Also, I discovered my Chocolate Milk chapstick has the last name of my childhood best friend in pernament marker, I fucking borrowed her chapstick and never gave it back, which is hilarious to me

Dr Pepper was the best flavor, for the record.

Photo 2: So while I was reminiscing about lip gloss, I discovered the company STILL EXISTS (I assumed they were long dead, as many fads of the 90s go). So I bought a new pack for old time's sake! They're . . . not as good smelling or as tasty as I remember them being, but they probably have changed the formula in the time span of a couple decades, to be fair.

Photo 3-4: I just wanted to say this is peak cell phone design and I miss it. I got to play Snakebar, feel like I was using a Star Trek TOS communicator, I didn't have the incredibly depressing Entire Internet with me 24/7, it actually fits into even women's pockets, it has physical buttons, I see no downsides here.

Photo 5-6: A selection of some of my Littlest Pet Shop collection from when I was a kiddo. They are vastly superior to modern Littlest Pet Shop toys, and it saddens me that kids won't get to enjoy sets like these anymore. Not only do these things actually look like animals, but the attention to detail is incredible and they are functional toys. The frogs can 'leap' with a catapault. The mice can navigate a maze with a cheese that has a magnet in it. The chamelion changes color in warm water. They all did things. And they all came with accessories (food, brushes, cat litter boxes, etc) and playsets.

Photo 7: Typical box of toys from my youth: Dinosaurs dragons bugs monster trucks lizards roaarrrrr oh also a polly pocket, Iguess. This was the duality of a tomgirl who also happened to like Very Small Cute Things. So pretty much my toys were either typical "boy's toys" or they were Cute and Small (Littlest Pet Shop, My Little Pony, Polly Pocket, etc). I didn't like dolls except I did some have Barbies as a VERY tiny tot, but it was because I loved Barbie's Tiny Plastic accessories (tiny plastic shoes, food, whatever) more than the actual dolls, lol

Photo 8: Holy shit you guys I loved Giga Pets so much as a kid. This is a selection of some of them. (Well actually one of the ones in the photo is a Nano Pet) Giga Pets were a very popular spinoff of the Tamagotchi craze. Sadly these Giga Pets have sat too long in storage and their screens are pretty much fried, despite the fact that they otherwise seem functional; but it won't do much good if I can't see them properly. (If I tilt the screen at a really intense angle I can make out the display sometimes) I liked Giga Pets more than Tamagotchi because the Giga Pets had way more features and interesting things to do, as well as a wide selection of animal types. Sadly they are no longer in production.

Fun story, the pink Giga Pet in that photo is a Koala. I kept one alive for 100 consecutive days one time. That's an incredibly long time for a Giga Pet. Once he turned 100, we had a birthday party for him with a cake and everything. Not long after that, he died because the batteries got too low. I felt very sad when he departed.

I used to wear these things on a chain around my neck and went everywhere with them. So I had like 3 or 4 of these things hanging off me quite a lot. Again, I was pretty intense with my hyperfixations even as a kid, and I had a strong Collector sort of craving. I had Digimon as well, btw! I enjoyed the battle aspect to them, as primitive as it was. I wonder where the rest of my virtual pet stash is.

Photo 9: The first home computer our family had, the reliable little Macintosh SE. SOMEHOW, when I got this thing out of storage and flipped the switch, it fucking booted up without any problems. I can't tell you how intensely wild that is, this thing is incredibly old and so many things can go wrong with its parts at this age.

A lot of fond memories with this thing. I spent a LOT of time with Hypercard, making my own stacks and games. Played a lot of the original Manhole too. I know for a lot of folks, their first home computer was an Atari, but I grew up with Macs. Back then they were actually wonderful machines, though modern Mac products now leave much to be desired.

That's all for now for the Nostalgia hype.

#nostalgia #long post #mycontent

[honeyedheartss]

making a separate post for this so I don't hijack a gifmakers post but

@burntstay u literally have no idea! the entire past 2 years have been insane so excuse my rambling post

1. I went to see Dan last Nov and Dec. I went in November when he came to Seattle and got SO excited to finally meet him after so many years that I stumbled all over the MnG and couldn't respond to his very gentle kind compliments. So I flew to Oakland to see him again 😭 It hurt my bank account but not only did I meet him at that show during the MnG but he talked to me during the show too (interactive comedy show and I said I'd fuck the cinnamon toast crunch mascot bc he's a twink. he booed me but then brought it up several more time 💀)

November and December, respectively. (yeah he did accidentally get that fucking silver marker on my arm 💀)

2. Also in November, I had the opportunity to catch Kurtis Conners set he was doing in Seattle :] I went to the early show in the balcony bc it was what i could afford and Loved it sooo much but couldn't see bc I didn't have glasses at the time and at the end when I was calling my friend to talk about it, someone offered me 3rd row tickets because they had to cancel for a family emergency. I took them, could see the set, and it was just as funny the 2nd time!

the next day I'd taken my friend to Pikes Place (popular indoor/outdoor multi-vendor permanent market in Seattle) and ran into him and Jenna in the comics store!

^ me being so insanely happy but embarrassed bc I was partially non verbal and was trying so hard to communicate with him. (he was so incredibly kind and patient and then I helped him find the script he was looking for 😌 <- I do not work at that store)

now rapid fire! I also got to finally see Cirque! my old boss at the club had an extra ticket and brought me along!! (I have tried to sew Cirque THREE times and circumstances have always gotten in the way. mostly me moving abruptly like a week before the date they were in town)

In April, I got to see Hippocampus (one of my FAVE indie bands idc idc) and the guitarist Nathan gave me a pick! I also got to see Conan Gray again (saw him in 2019 without knowing who he was and got obsessed) and Cavetowns show with Tessa Violet. and Tessa RECOGNIZED ME which would have been insane anyways but I look SO different from the past times I've seen her!! I also saw some smaller bands and they were some of the most lovely kind caring people ever!

and then in June I saw 5SOS for the first time. I've been listening to them since I was a little tumblrina in 2014 and I cried so hard during their show. pure unadulterated nostalgia and joy. it was a really good show too (and that month my BFF who I usually go out to Philly to see once a year was able to come to ME because of a work conference 🥹 and my partner came up for our yearly 1 month together!)

also that month I met a comedian I ADORE!!! I found him by accident on Dry Bar Comedy in maybe 2015? and have watched his stuff on YouTube and followed him on Twitter since and I randomly ran into him in a vintage store in Tacoma??? And of course the first thing my dumb ass said instead of "oh wow it's Shayne Smith!! I'm a huge fan" no... I said "YO it's the guy I showed u that one time when I was drunk!!!" to my sister 😭😭 He luckily is a really dope guy, thought it was very funny, and danced around with me

In October I went to a music festival out east and saw a BUNCH of my favorite bands and King Princess said I looked hot, so highlight of my compliments fr (and saw mitski!) Lorde was coming but her set got massively delayed due to faulty tech and I had to make the last train so I didn't get stranded and did not get to see her.

Also I got matching tattoos with my other bff who I flew to seattle to stay with me for a week 🥹 hi @catholicdaredevil

which circles us back to the November/December stuff I talked about first cuz I got excited

The rest of the winter was just struggling through till I saw the sun again but I DID get to meet a long term internet friend at the convention in Seattle (s/o to @pjsforestkid for so lovingly dealing with my low energy the whole day)

April I saw Noel Miller live!!! June my partner came up and we traipsed around

and then September and October I got to sew 4 hozier shows, was barricade for 3 of them (and have professional photos for all 3 times I was barricade which is INSANE!!!!!), hozier called me out on stage for my shirt, I got posted on his ig, and I met almost the entirety of a friend group I've had since 2019 AND DanandPhilGames returned from the hiatus

it's been an insane almost 2 years I finally feel like my life is sorting itself out and I'm so overjoyed

this is such a long fucking post but your tags just reminded me of all the joy and love I have been experiencing and the love that continues!!! I am so happy :)

#banana rambles #long post

[jmdbjk]

ICYMI streaming battle...

Twitter Army will be having a streaming battle tomorrow and the teams are #TeamHYYH, #TeamLY and #TeamMOTS.

[Boy With Luv, Map of the Soul: 7]

I claim to be #TeamMOTS Army but honestly, I was not ready to let BTS into my soul when that album was released. Actually, I can’t even remember which BTS song was the first one I ever played. I’ve recounted my BTS story before but here it is again. According to my vague memories it went something like this:

End of 2019...trying Kpop...listen to other groups that are not BTS...they’re ok, one or two songs make it into my playlists... I knew of BTS because they were everywhere but I guess I was not listening to the right songs that would ultimately touch my soul. Here comes 2020...I was aware of the MOTS7 album dropping because it was at the top of the chart. I knew it was a big deal. I tried watching the Boy With Luv MV but my soul was not ready for all that pink on that first try. I saw them perform Black Swan on Corden’s show. I WAS STILL NOT FALLING FOR IT. I did not understand it. My soul just WASN’T READY.  

[Black Swan live performance, The Late Late Show with James Corden, Jan. 2020]

And then came Carpool Karaoke Jimin. That blonde hottie in the red jacket just grabbed me by the throat and has never let me go. He was so different from what I was expecting. 

When I finally took Boy With Luv MV out for another spin, that was all she wrote. The pink finally felt good and right. It was fresh and gave me joy.

Ironically, this performance made me start paying attention to their choreography:

[Boy With Luv, March 30, 2020, James Corden’s Homefest]

And then 2020 progressed into the shitshow it turned out to be on a global scale. Along comes Dynamite etc, and the rest is history for me. 

By the time THIS Black Swan aired on Jimmy Fallon, I was well on my way:

[Black Swan, Sept. 2020, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon]  [It took me too long to catch on to the insanity of that back hug]

But here is my honest confession: I wish I was a #TeamLY Army. I absolutely adore Kitty Gang Jimin. I feel like I cheated myself because I didn’t come around sooner to finding BTS so I could have experienced that black leather fit  with the sparkly shoulder jacket in real time. I WAS SOOO CLOSE! I missed it by mere months. My first BTS phone wallpaper was Kitty Gang Jimin in mid body roll.

And many of my favorite songs are from the Love Yourself era: Mic Drop, Airplane Pt. 2, Magic Shop, Serendipity, Euphoria, Love Maze.

I can confidently say, if it wasn’t for MOTS, I would have never known Kitty Gang Jimin. Heh heh. 

Back to #TeamMOTS7... the fact I realized how important and big that album was when it dropped, even though I had not bought into the entire BTS thing yet, speaks volumes about the impact BTS was making then and continues to make. I was paying attention. I knew this was something even before I knew the impact it would make on my life. 

Now it’s easy to go back and see things for what they were. It was me having such a skewed perspective because I’d never exposed myself to much (if any) other music/artists outside the U.S./western music market. I had never seen such pristinely performed (DIFFICULT) choreography. I unlearned a lot of deeply ingrained perceptions...about language barriers, lyrics and music; about what I thought masculinity meant. I learned to understand more overall about sexual identity and gender identity. And personally, I came to realize what a big impact to my self-esteem they had on me, them being so successful, and also of Asian heritage just like myself. I could finally relate to a globally successful music artist. It has been a revelation for sure. 

I am a MOTS Army. And Filter is my flag/anthem.  

So while we wait patiently and gird our loins for Jimin to drop his photo folio concept... if you are on Twitter, join the team of your choice, stream your teams songs on YouTube tomorrow, and help us add more views to BTS music videos.

If Jimin’s photo folio drops, I will report back after the flames die down. Or maybe in the midst of mid-burn...I know, TMI, sorry...peace out.

#just killing time until jimin photo folio drops and kills us all #but i am still salty #because we did not get live-in-person-FILTER-in-front-of-60000-Army #grr #teamMOTS #blonde jimin will forever be my favorite #but i love every single jimin that jimin wants to show us #kitty gang jimin was excellent #black swan jikook #serendipity jimin

[letters-from-st-vladimirs]

Let's talk about the show so far (Episode 1)

Allow me to preface this by saying I went into this not expecting it to be exactly like the books; if it were I'm relatively sure that there is a lot of points from the books that would absolutely not fly in the 2020s like they did in the late 2000s-2010s.

I'm not going to lie, I was very confused about what was going on, why Lissa's parents and brother were still alive, and why Tatiana was not queen. That said, I was not disappointed in the way everything panned out. I have said from day one that I had no doubt that Sisi and Daniela would do an amazing job, and they are proving my right at scene one.

I appreciate the change in roles for a majority of the characters, and the change from running away from the school to just leaving the grounds and staying out too late accidentally. I was a little iffy on it, if not kind of disappointed they didn't do it how it was originally, but one twitter post pointed out that the scene was pretty homoerotic and people would ship them a lot (which...there is nothing wrong it; I ship them, but I acknowledge that they are two heterosexual women as far as we know). On top of that, the show would have gotten accused of queerbaiting which wouldn't be the case in my personal opinion.

That said; Sisi is black. Daniela is Venezuelan. Andre is Asian. The fact that people need to be told to get over it is excruciatingly upsetting. Not to mention that this is a canon depiction of Rose Hathaway (source: Vampire Academy Graphic Novel):

In the second chapter of the first book, Rose even narrates that she's been described as a, "semi-exotic desert princess." Despite how much that aged like milk, it is safe to say that Rose has tanned skin at the very least just like her father (who appears in the fourth book).

So, yeah, Sisi is Rose Hathaway. Get over it.

Lissa's flashback and panic attack upon hearing Victor repeat the words that Andre (her brother) said right before the accident gave me chills, and was honestly very believable. Her new relationship with Christian is wholesome to say the least, and their quick friendship came so organically.

I'm not entirely sure how I feel about Mason and Rose's relationship, since Rose only really saw him as a friend and as far as I remember their relationship wasn't like how it is in the show, but again, this isn't the books. Despite that, I love their rivalry and Rose's determination to be number one to seal her spot as Lissa's guardian when she graduates, especially now that it's not longer a guarantee with Andre being deceased and he was their key. Her friendship to Lissa is organic and loving, almost sisterly.

Alberta is chef's kiss.

One thing that has lead true so far is how everything leads to Andre; Mia, Lissa and Rose, the crown, everything. Andre's death is still significant in the show as it was in the book, and it sparks joy.

The note that I want to leave off on is I headcanon that Sonya is autistic. Why? Because my autistic ass says so. The way she is around people vs. birds, her special interests, the way Mia talks about her and her "quirks," it all felt too real to me. Jonette responding to a tweet I made also helped with this headcanon and she was so sweet with her response and said that she loved how people could relate to Sonya in this way. Sonya is quickly becoming my favorite show character and I'm looking forward to seeing more of her.

#vampire academy #lissa dragomir #dimitri belikov #rose hathaway #romitri #vampire academy peacock #sisi stringer #daniela nieves #andre dae kim #christian ozera #moroi #strigoi #dhampir #vampire academy tv show #richelle mead #va tv show #julie plec #st vladimir #saint vladimir #kieron moore #mason ashford

[soleminisanction]

What did you think of the new Batman movie?

I frigging loved it. It's my favorite live-action take on the franchise by wide, wide margin.

Quick personal survey to establish my baseline tastes: I unironically love the original 1966 series starring Adam West because it's campy and happy and never fails to put a smile on my face and also Burt Ward was a babe and both he and West were much better actors than they've ever gotten credit for. (Did you know they almost gave Ward the lead role in The Graduate? Did you know they offered West James Bond? That is so wild to me.)

My opinion on the Burton/Shumacher movies from the 90s is meh, leaning positive overall. I dig the design sensibilities but most of the acting and storytelling didn't stick with me. I've never felt the urge to rewatch them but I also wouldn't say I dislike them. I mostly appreciate them as the starting point for the original animated series.

I wanna say that my opinion on the Dark Knight trilogy started positive and then turned sour as time went on but in retrospect I never actually bothered to watch the last one, and when I saw The Dark Knight for the first time it was in a double-feature showing with Hellboy II and I came away from that knowing without a doubt that Hellboy was the better movie so yeah. I will say that, while I think that they ultimately just slapped a Bat-branding on a completely unrelated story and characters, I respect that they gave the version of Batman they wrote the only ending that actually made sense for him.

And the less I say about anything that Zack Snyder has ever touched, the better -- that is a man who wouldn't know a good superhero story if it shoved itself down his throat.

But The Batman, oh man. I loved The Batman. I felt so seen by The Batman. I came away from that movie practically skipping with joy, I couldn't stop thinking, "Yes, finally! Somebody who gets it!" There was so much to love about that movie, I don't even know where to start.

I guess, since I was already thinking about it, one thing that I really like is how Riddler's games all feel almost like something from the Adam West show? But dark, and twisted. Like that "flying rat" pun in Spanish, and the other pun-based puzzles he left around, those were all very much like how they'd be done in the Adam West show, only these had the bloody plot twists attached to them. The "thumb drive" gag had me cackling.

But like, I also really loved how well thought out the themes were. Like, if you're paying attention, the movie explains without ever really spelling it out how the broken, corrupted system of Gotham City created both Batman and the Riddler. It's not "hrr durr the masked hero invites masked super-freaks to come along too," that's been done, it's "this system, this city, is corrupt and broken, and that broken system led two broken men to take extreme measures, one as a hero ultimately driven by the desire to make things better and one as a villain consumed only by hatred and revenge."

Heck, it even explains why Bruce couldn't just throw money at the problem, like all the disingenuous people on Twitter always try to argue -- his father tried that. And the broken system not only corrupted his well-meaning efforts, it killed him to protect its ill-gotten gains. That is such good writing.

Speaking of the Waynes, I also loved the deep lore cuts and, more specifically, how deliberately they were used to establish the differences in this world to the people who were paying attention. Making Martha an Arkham instead of a Kane? Tommy Elliot's father being the reporter who was going to ruin her, a reporter that Thomas Wayne inadvertently got killed? That's good stuff. I can't wait to see where they take it in the sequels.

But the best part of all, for me, was Bruce's character arc and the fact that finally, somebody understood the assignment and showed the arc that, I believe in my heart, every Batman needs: the moment, or arc, or story, or whatever it takes, that moves Bruce away from being motivated entirely by his love for his parents and into to being motivate by his love for Gotham City, his chosen family, and his comrades-in-arms.

So yeah. Suffice it to say, I loved it, I bought the bluray, and I hope very much that they actually talk Warner Brothers into letting them give Battinson a Robin in the next one because his interactions with the mayor's son throughout the movie were adorable and they didn't even talk. I need to see this man taking care of a child. I need it.

#batman #the batman #rambling #bruce wayne #movie talk #fandom rambles #live action movies #movies #the batman 2022 #long post #sorry I got excited XD #also full disclosure part of my love for the adam west show absolutely comes from a mild kink for the prerequisite cliffhanger death traps #I KNOW I'm not the only one

[purpledaisiesthings]

Malcolm the actor who played AJ just admitted on Twitter that Billie and AJ were suppose to end up together but the fans on Twitter liked Billie and Conrad better. I already knew that Billie was coming in as AJs love Interest. I remember the promo interviews for season 5. The EPs of the show talked about putting them together. That's why they had AJ know about Trevor and bond with him. Then Emily had to leave. And people hated the idea of replacing Mina. I think the writers were trying to see what stuck and they never imagined how much fans would love Billie and Conrad so they changed their plans. Episode 8 of season 5 is when they realized they could have a Billie and Conrad potential pairing. I think they wanted to get the audience reaction and if we hated it they would not have gone there. Because from episode 8 till ep 11 in season 5 we had no other inclinations about Billie's feelings. I remember it was after that episode 8 that a lot of people esp on Twitter started shipping Billie and Conrad. That what I think happened what about you?

Hmmm interesting 🤔

When I saw the tweet I was like, oh boy the Conllie haters are about to feed on this Lol 🤦🏾‍♀️

I noticed they paired them up together in the beginning and I suspected it was for that reason but I never got any romantic vibes from them. I saw Billie and AJ only as friends, almost like a big brother and sister relationship.

Off-topic but do you know who I saw Billie having a little chemistry with other than Conrad? Cain in season 4😬🤭

Conic was always endgame so I didn't think much of Conrad and Billie. But then I thought Cain and Billie would have been an interesting pair. Pls, don't hate me guys lol 😁

Ok back to it lol. Just like you anon, it wasn't until episode 8 of season 5 that I started thinking that maybe Conllie could actually happen.

What some people need to understand is that a show's storyline is not necessarily fixed or set from the beginning till the end, whenever it is that the show ends. Actors bring life to their characters in their own ways which can differ from the initial storyline. That's the joy of writing. You change things as you go. You pair different people together and see who has the best chemistry, see what works best.

So even if Billie was brought in for AJ, I'm glad the writers saw nothing romantically worth pursuing there because there wasn't. people weren't exactly interested in a Billie/AJ romantic pairing. And I'm glad they instead noticed a potential with Conllie and showed that to us for our reaction. They tested Billie/Conrad and after s05ep08, people were sold.

So I agree with you anon. The writers were trying get a reaction.

People can't blame Conllie fans for preferring them when it was the writers that literally gave it to us in the beginning. Like what was the point of showing us a potential Conllie pairing (when no one asked for it) if they were not willing to go there with them?

#anonymous asks #answered #billie x conrad #the resident #the resident fox #conllie #ship rants

[samplingmoonsters]

You response made me feel so wholesome! I feel so warm inside (i hope that's not weird to say) I was actually realy nervous about sending my ask.

The next chapter of man say hello sounds realy exiting! I already know it's going to be a joy to read.

You are actually the person that made me interested in reading stories that heavily feature second-hand embarrassment. I always though they were too embarrassing to read. But the feeling enhances your works.

It made me crave for more fics like yours. I don't know if you read slashes and ampersands by jirolicious but it realy reminds me for your writting! Top notch utilization of cringe

I'm sad to hear you had difficulties in the fandom. I tend to stay at the outskirts of most fandoms im in but i have heard the dsmp fandom can be an especially difficult environment.

It must be especially hard to deal with as a creator. In a fandom filled with young people that are in their first fan comunity and twitter puritans being a nsfw artist must be hell.

But your works really touched me, and I'm sure they touched others as well.

When i saw that English is not your first language under one of your fics it made me so motivated to work on my own stories. It's also my second language and i often worry that the fact I'm not a native speaker may be holding me back.

I'm the most comfortable writting in English but i worry i word things poorly. And reading your stories made me feel so secure. You write so beautifully.

Your works made me laugh, and the way you write second-hand embarrassment is so good i often have to put my phone down because i felt it so strongly.

It makes me think i can create too, and you also being a visual artist shows me i don't have to choose between the two crafts i love the most.

I hope you experience as much joy from creating as i do from experiencing your work.

Sincerely,

dust-anon

(I hope the essay long asks aren't coming off as creepy, i just have so many words in my head)

Hello dust-anon!! Sorry for the late reply! I've been busy as always haha! I read your message before going to an oral exam, it really gave me strength and confidence, and the feeling of being part of a community scattered around the world but still sharing a close kinship of some kind. Thank you again for your kind words!

Please don't worry about sounding creepy or off putting! I really value communication with my readers and I never found any of you creepy! It doesn't matter if people just ramble their ideas to me or write me a heartfelt message, I appreciate everyone's words :)

I'm happy to hear that u are looking forward to the next chapter! If it's done right, second-hand embarrassment can be weaponized perfectly to create an exciting chapter! Sadly I didn't read Jirolicious' story yet! But I will keep it in mind, and will make sure to check it out when I have the time 👏

About the whole twt drama and co... It's been somewhat annoying not gonna lie. As u said, it's the first fandom for many people and they don't know or care about the "fandom rules". I never have been in a fandom where there has been so much drama. Before this fandom I've also been more of a lurker, I'm not used to being in the spotlight like this. Kinda miss just being an unknown anon like u sometimes. But I guess I would have never met all those amazing people if I didn't have the courage to post my art and writing so I don't regret being here.

And I hope you also find the courage to post your stories or art! Create what makes you happy! There is no need to be bound to just one medium, spread your wings and try different things!

Thank you for praising my English! Yours is also very good from what I could tell through our messages :) Don't feel discouraged to write just because English is your second language!

Keep your head up and I hope we will talk again sometime! I wish you all the best! :) <3

#anon ask #dust anon🌫

[stanley578]

An asshole is an asshole, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation

In case you're wondering why that's the title of this blog post, two days ago marked one year since that arrogant asshole of a mod who is an artist from the NiGHTS fandom kicked me out of their Discord server.

I sympathized with their situation and expressed how I feel about it but their reaction rubbed me the wrong way.

I did my part by apologizing but the moment they said they don't have patience for people like me was when I had to set my boundaries by blocking them in websites where they have accounts. I didn't sleep well that night as I went through depression. I remember being so worked up about that for the rest of 2022, venting about it on Twitter and Tumblr, to the point that it took a toll on my mental health.

While they have the right to let off some steam about their ableist manager, it wasn't right of them to take out their anger on me.

That unfortunate experience made me realize that no matter how good an artist's work is, it doesn't excuse them to treat others unfairly. Also, having a disability and being part of the LGBTQ+ community isn't an excuse to be a shitty person (Their bio states that they have ADHD and identify as transmasculine).

Though there was a bright side to that experience. A Twitter user saw my tweets and said they were sorry for what I went through. We started talking in the DMs and they told me I wasn't alone as they said the artist has it out for them even though the user didn't say anything to them.

The user gave me words of reassurance which I truly appreciate and I've been committing to memory ever since. We became friends due to sharing similar experiences with the arrogant asshole.

I brought this up as a way of looking back and to see how I feel right now after one year has passed. It's safe to say that I feel better and I'm in a much better place. That asshole is out of my life and being surrounded with better people on different servers and focusing on things that bring me joy has helped me heal and move on.

#one year since unfortunate discord experience #discord #an asshole is an asshole #nights fandom

[adrianaobscenities]

Ride Like The Wind - 2018 --> 2019 --> 2020

Yesterday (May 10 2023, for those of you playing at home) marked four years since the final episode of the Australian version of Pointless aired.

While it's fair to say that it wasn't a particularly popular adaptation - it didn't rate particularly well and it even got axed twice - this quiz show had such a strong hold of my heart for the ten months it was on air, I look back on it now and it's like looking back on an intense and prolonged fever dream.

And I'll admit, I wasn't really a fan at the start. I grew to love the UK original from what I'd seen on the ABC, and seeing Ten's attempt with its condensed format and commercial breaks was too jarring at first. But then I saw a call for audience members. I hadn't been to a recording of anything for a long time at that point, and I'd never been in an audience for a proper quiz show with actual cash prizes so I thought, "Hmm. This could be interesting."

I went along to a recording on August 29 2018. And friends, I was instantly hooked. I'd end up going to ten recordings and watched a total of seventeen episodes get made. Every single one of those recordings was a lot of fun, and it gave me a much needed reprieve from the horrible shit that was going on in my life at the time.

The first image up there was something I doodled in my daily drawing diary to mark the fact I went along to that first recording. If I remember correctly, I actually drew this a few days later, and I was largely relying on memory of what Mark and Andrew looked like as I didn't have any good reference pictures. I put it up on my "art" Insta account, taking care to not explicitly tag anything that could have anyone from the show actually finding it.

Mark found it anyway. He gave it a like. I freaked out.

But that gave me a spark. I thought if my (what I thought was shit) doodle was enough to get a like from one of the hosts, what if my art was actually good? So across the next six months, I'd go to more recordings, fall more and more in love with the show, actually apply to be a contestant (my Pointless friend and I made it to the auditions but we didn't make it onto the actual show), and I'd find myself doodling a lot of AU!Pointless related things throughout my workday.

In hindsight, I think the show was all I let myself think about. Work was starting to get worse, and I was hideously stressed and anxious and probably incredibly depressed - AU!Pointless was my escape from all of that.

February 8 2019 was the day it was announced the show would be axed due to low ratings. The recording on February 15 would be the last. I took the news pretty badly. Very badly, to be honest. I felt like I was losing a friend. I remember being in the audience for that final recording and trying my best not to totally bawl my eyes out when Mark and Andrew said their final goodbyes to camera.

The second image is a second, Copic-coloured version of a pencil drawing I made to commemorate that final recording. I posted it to both Insta and Twitter at 6:30pm on May 10 2019, just as the final episode finished airing. Mark thanked me for being "so wonderfully supportive" and told me he loved the drawing. He then shared it on his Insta a few days later, thanking me as a "superfan".

My entire year was made, right there and then.

The third image was something I drew on my then relatively new iPad, and posted on May 10 2020 to mark one year since the last episode aired. It's one of my all-time personal favourite things I've drawn.

I still fondly think about AU!Pointless and just how much joy it gave me in the brief time it was on air. But more importantly - and it only hit me recently - if it weren't for this kooky dinnertime quiz the network censors somehow forgot about and how much it did consume me, I honestly don't think my artistic ability would be anywhere near where it is these days. If it weren't for the praise and attention I received back then, I might not have been motivated enough to keep going and to keep improving my skills.

And for giving me that motivation and that sense of achievement back then, I am eternally grateful.

Thank you, AU!Pointless. I still miss you. x

As to why I've named these pieces "RIde Like The Wind"? The Christopher Cross song of the same name was playing in the studio before the last episode was recorded. I'll probably forever associate that song with this show now, to be honest.

#things i've drawn #pointless au #fan art