#i really hope it scares me ive never been to this specific one but im also immune to most haunted houses as a scare actor

[pepprs]

literally the only reason i am not in as bad a mental health place as i was in in december is bc i’m done w school now and i never have to go back or deal with being a student again if i don’t want to and also bc i know there is a high likelihood that there are some big important helpful highly desired changes on my horizon in the next few months and years. but i am really not doing good right now

#purrs #scotus leaked draft + buffalo shooting + dallas shooting + uvalde shooting + monkeypox + covid cases rising + losing my last 3 weeks of #college and graduation + losing my freedom for who knows how long and moving back home + friends and family getting covid + pushing myself #to the limit finishing my capstone + watching my loved ones suffer with the situations in their own lives = is it ethical to bring children #into this world is it reasonable to think that i will one day live with autonomy again and find a romantic partner and have a pet and enjoy #my life and see all the people i love doing the same. all ive been able to do this week outside of finishing school my job application etc #is doomscroll about the shootings and covid and monkeypox when i really should be doomscrollimg through my fucking save tag that i curated #specifically to counteract these situations and give me reasons to find hope but i don’t have the strength or see the point bc im only gonn #lose the hope again. but i know there’s a point but i can’t get myself to see it and maybe it’s bc km just so exhausted but idk. and one of #the WORST parts of this is that if the job works out i am going to have to understand that people will look at me differently part of which #means that people — STUDENTS like i just was 2 days ago!!! — will look to me expecting that i have answers or at the very least hope and i #literally do not have hope right now and after national events this month i don’t know if i’ll ever feel hope again. so it’s like fuck i #wont be able to do my fucking job that i feel called to do and want to do more than anything lol. but i already won’t be able to do it bc t #the chances that i can go to [insert convferwrnce] when it involves being on a plane and navigating people who won’t wear masks are so low #and * already snarked about it to me yesterday which really hurt my feelings like i don’t think she was trying to be mean but it’s like yes #the fuck i can hide in the van forever i do NOT want to get covid. but i also do not want to miss [conference] and it’s just so stupid that #im going to have to keep making these choices because this nightmare country has decided covid doesn’t exist anymore. idk lol #i know everything in my life could be a lot worse and also that it is objectively WORLDS better than it was very recently bc i graduated an #im done now. but this month has sucked so unbelievably bad and June is also going to be hard and im just scared i will never be happy or #hopeful again or that every time i am something new will knock it down (which is a given living in the usa lol) and that it would be #unethical to try to do the BASIC bare minimum things i have always wanted to do in my life. lole #negative tw #ask to tag #abortion tw #shooting tw #mass shooting tw #monkeypox tw

[ivypool]

.

#tw: pet death vent in tags #it’s been a hard day #my cat passed away…im so devastated #on top of everything going on with my mom & her decline bc of her c*ncer #it all has just been so hard to deal with #im glad that my cat at least isnt suffering anymore and she is reunited with my dog and other cat who both passed a while ago #we dug a nice grave for her & laid her to rest in a biodegradable bag + we are going to plant lilacs over her grave next spring 🥺 #the house just feels even emptier now #lots of ghosts in my house though tbh…both figuratively and literally #we have one cat left idk what im gonna do when his time comes he has been my emotional support through so much #i dont even want to think about that #its all too much right now. im just so mentally drained #my mental health is just so great 😎👍 /s #at least im not going into work today #im going to a haunted house with a friend finally i get to go for fun instead of working LOL #i really hope it scares me ive never been to this specific one but im also immune to most haunted houses as a scare actor #but it should still be fun even if i dont get scared ill get inspiration from the actors 😎 #so that should distract me for a bit and i should have a good time #whew this was a huge vent in the tags but theres a lot going on in my life rn #ivy.txt

[fardf150]

start school in a week im going to throw uppppp

#ik it's not going to be nearly as bad as i think it is and by god do i need a routine #but man . one week. #plus im transferring after just getting used to my old school. so. eugh #but like i have friends there. which is rhe whole reason im going there specifically #modtly im just worried abt like. getting lost. it's a pretty big school. and i havent even had orientation yet #ive soent the last like 3 months trying to psych myself up for it snd it worked for a while but mow im so scareds agh #The Only Way Out Is Through The Quickest Way Is To Just Get Through It I Will Be Brave #[said through gritted teeth between groans of misery] #SIX FLOORS!!!! IT'S SIX FLOORS!!!! i could barely keep track of the 3 at my old school 😭😭 my poor poor fucked up hips.. #but also the layout at the old one was fucked up bc like it had even numbered rooms on either side of the whole floor #and then rows between with all the odd numbered ones. hated that #hoping it's more straightforward there + i hear the building's a lot taller than it is wide. so hopefully the floors arent as big #uuuuuuuuugh and it's a catholic school so i have to do jesus classes. and my scholarship requires an extra curricular #AND i have to do public service stuff and also i have like a whole extra semester of phys ed required to graduate #like it's not really all that much but added up compared to the pile of jack shit i had to do at my old school. it deels intimidating maybe #mostly im just worried bc my friends that go there tell me abt all this stupid drama meanwhile all last year i talked to like 4 ish ppl ever #but i mean when we went to school together before i somehow avoided knowing abt any of it until at lesst the next day. so. #i have faith in my ability to be completely ignorant of everything around me 💕💕 #also my sister's been talking to some ugly creepy guy who apparently goes to that school. hoping she drops him and i never have to see him #fred.txt

[frecklystars]

im sorry i gotta vent one more time about this situation and then i'll put a lid on it for the night 😭

dude im still so so so baffled that my abuser, will full awareness that it's easy for me to run into the *thousands* of commissions of herself that she has floating around online, literally changed her fucking color scheme to barbie pink because she knows pink was a trigger for me because of her. that's so malicious. i asked a group of friends who also struggle with cptsd and i was like "hey am i being paranoid, or-" and they were like "no, that was intentional behavior. that is how manipulation works" and it just. hurts. it sucks.

because i know the truth of why she does those tiny, subtle little actions that she knows would hurt me, and i cannot point at them in the public and say "look how this person is intentionally hurting me" because she'd phrase it as "what did i do? i just made a pink OC :) i do nothing wrong." this happened one time when she joined a patreon that i was a part of, that she KNEW i was a part of, specifically because it would fuck me up knowing she was there. and then when the patreon artist confronted her about that she was like ":) i do nothing wrong. im just supporting an artist! what's so bad about that"

it just reeks of venom that somebody that is not in my life anymore would go such lengths. she told me in the very beginning "i'm getting too attached to you. this isn't going to be good for you." and i had no idea what she meant. i know now. she'd tell me some disorders she had that would "make her act this way" and i asked my therapist about those, and she said "well let's assume she's telling the truth and she has these disorders... yeah she's going to be attached to you for a very long time. it's obsessive behavior and it's manipulative and i'm sorry it's probably not going to stop until she's attached to someone else" ... yeah that's horrifying! i remember the days she'd tell me in a creepy voice "i'm getting attached to you... this isn't good for you." and i was like, wtf does that mean...

the fact that i've been out of contact with this person for over one year now, and coming up in one week it's going to mark another year that i am still harassed and in danger by this person. i wish i could go into more detail about all the stuff that i've been dealing with offline but it's just so much and i am just, i am so tired. i am so exhausted of dealing with this person whether it's online or just battling the flashbacks and triggers.

i still feel really. bad. when i see barbie pink now. the fact that she changed her OC to make sure it was specifically that shade of pink because she knew it would trigger me... on a st/rscream commission of all things. my god. ive learned my lesson that i can never ever ever ever look at any TF images whatsoever unless if it's strictly from the source material, because she's just. everywhere. google images. i can never look at TF fanart ever again because she is more than likely to have commissioned these artists more than once. i am never touching the fandom again and i'm fine with that. i won't make any more friends who are into TF and that hurts but in the long run i accept that.

but dude. barbie pink? really? my god. i keep hoping i'm just freshly triggered and i'll move on, but i don't want to be scared of barbie. she's the one who was healing me. i don't want to lose barbie, then i'm going to lose the entire hyperfixation. i can't let this happen to me again. i feel it slipping away from me but i don't know what to do to stop it from happening. this cannot be a tr/nsformers situation all over again dude this canNOT happen to me again, i will not survive this a second time

#vent #maybe i have to draw myself with barbie and use the colors or something #i dont know. #if more ppl were online i'd ask for advice #😭 dude im exhausted

[caluski]

i do really really wanna go though. i know im kind of one of those people who make lots of enthusiastic plans and then never go through with them - but i really want that to change. no, let me rephrase that, i want to change that. i know it does sound kind of silly, considering how old i am - making me fall pretty far behind my peers - but im actually kind of proud of myself because while the past year has been pretty much a nightmare, ive made some small steps that im happy about.

i cant believe i used to live a life without going to cafes once in a while! i cant believe i used to live scared of eating around other people. things can be still so rough and its very hard to continue to motivate myself to do better, but im so relieved that i can actually name specific things ive gotten far better at. most days, its really hard to be hopeful, but i tell myself that while im not doing all that well right now, im still heavily depressed and buried under the weight of ocd and anxiety and whatnot. so i imagine that if i can still make even small steps - or at least stay still instead of regressing - as soon as im medicated again, things will probably get much easier, too.

#pogaduchy

[navy-leader]

Little question: How do you see the relationship between the four Hollow Heads?

A little complicated ! in the fewest words possible

I like to switch up my headcanons for these guys cause theyre just fun to play with and different relationship statuses give a different perception to their interactions but the one(s) ive been mostly going off of is:

- They are not siblings, and the only thing in common in anything of similar regard is being made from the same creator

- They have a weird intrinsic connection with eachother, i like to call it soulmates but its not the same way as youd think. They take on features of the other(s), which ive shown visually through their eye colors

- Weird reincarnation bullshit atla style but not exactly because noone is dead for realsies. I think i best explained it in this post, however with the added addition that victim is NOT DEAD..so we just dunno whats going on orz

Now onto the specific pairings:

- Im a big fan of chodark so youd often see me draw em in a more romantic way, but i like em in whatever form they come in, the important thing is theyre fucked up together. They are crazy codependent, being the only company eachother have for like?? 8 years?? They drive eachother crazy and fight tons but theyre all they have so they still cherish their bond. Communcation skills 0. Dark is a lot more peppy about life, while Chosen's taken to sulking more often than not but he tries to cheer up for Dark's sake. They both have their problems, Dark still tries to attack Chosen on a regular basis because of his coding, and Chosen has been trying to recover from everything that happened from noogai's pc, they try to make it work 👍

- Countering the first point on this response,,, i like Chosen and Victim as twins,, i feel it adds a layer to their (what could be) relationship, sharing the same face, same woes with their origins, but turning out sososo different but still The Same. Makes me feel some typa way

- Victim and Second are sooooo special to me, i hope they interact in future episodes;;;; The first creation all jaded and wrathful about its creator, and rightfully so! Having been given the worst end of the stick while the other, the latest creation, young and hopeful, treated the best out of all his predecessors and given Everything that they never gotten. Victim is mad salty about all that and hugely envious, but hes more on exacting his revenge on noogai and making Second watch. In another world they couldve been friends, animating/drawing buddies perhaps...

- Chosen and Second ! Weve already seen what their dynamic is (or atleast in that specific situation) so ive not added more to it. Honestly been treating their relationship as a rebound from chodark,,,,,,, Yakno chosen just got out of the house to actually talk to other people other than Dark, finds a nice sunshiney stick to his dark and gloomy demeanor and things are good ! Their relationship could be something really special if they were to find themselves in a different situation than the one theyre in;;;

- I honestly do Not know what Victim and Dark would be like together other than the crackship of "evil girls who make out with eachother as their exes watch" but yakno ! Hollowhead Whore Saturday. Honestly it depends on what kinda villain victim is and how dark is like after getting her ass handed to her

- Weve seen Second and Dark but other than that i think if Dark were alive and got to hang out with the others and Second, she would be scared shitless of Second or Dark would act as a high and mighty bastard and Second gets a bit pissed off about her attitude at some point

This got a bit long but hrhrghrheh the hollowheads r so special to me,,,the one common thing about them is originating form the same creator and they all turned out so different and yet they have so many similarities between eachother hrhrgrhrggrhhrhr

#asks #animation vs animator #ava ships #chodark

[multiplicity-positivity]

hey, we're a newly discovered system ("newly" being kinda loose here. its been something ive (🐦) experienced for so long in my(?)* life that i thought it was normal and no one talked about it. and at least a year since properly established contact with another headmate)

we've all been participating in looking up resources and whatnot for this kind of thing bc there's words for this stuff??? and we just never knew???? but im incredibly scared by the sheer size of it all

just earlier today fell into the rabbit-hole of sys-course and it has me doubting everything. again. i frequently worry (and frequently another headmate speaks up and reminds me he can hear my worrying and its lowkey annoying to him LOL) but like. augh.. it tears me apart and makes some of the others nervous too because im so loud about it accidentally

i feel like im faking because i cant remember anything traumatizing (or anything before a specific age range really), we still function as a group fine enough, we're not particularly switchy + are often blurry, and we have really robust communication that almost sounds too good compared to the other experiences we've read.

but on the other hand... i (personally) know roughly when i formed, what of "my" actions were not actually performed by me, tug each other around over control and time management, do understand and feel the change from switching, and just. cant deny this experience. its confusing for me. but just me personally. there are other headmates who don't see any issues and are fully aware and accepting of our multiplicity.

i guess i'd just really like some positivity for alters who are confused and trying to figure things out, even if some of the others seem to have it all down

-🐦

Hi! We’re so sorry that y’all have been dealing with this!

Syscourse is honestly a nightmare. It causes so much stress and anxiety for systems and doesn’t actually help resolve differences or bring the community together. It’s mostly just the same handful of people shouting at each other endlessly, so we’d definitely recommend you and any system avoid it if they can! Involvement in syscourse can absolutely diminish healing and encourage self doubt, and it has the capacity to hurt systems in the long run!

Remember that, while trauma is a requirement for systems with DID and OSDD-1 to form, there’s way more types of plurality than just these! You don’t have to have been traumatized as a child to end up plural. It’s also worth pointing out that these dissociative disorders function by hiding, masking, or disguising trauma. Many people with complex dissociative disorders grow up entirely unaware of their trauma history. We ourselves did not think we were traumatized when we first discovered our system! Since then, however, we’ve learned that we do in fact have tons of trauma to process, along with a CPTSD diagnosis.

If you’d like to learn more about dissociative disorders or plurality in general with hopes of learning more about your system, we definitely recommend checking out our master post of resources! We’re trying to keep it up-to-date with any plural, dissociative disorder, or ptsd recovery content we can find - I’ll link it below!

Finally, we would be more than happy to write a positivity post for confused alters, headmates, and systems. We’ve queued this post for tonight at 8:00PM EST! Please keep your chin up 🐦, we sincerely hope things get better for you soon!

🌸 Margo and 💫 Parker

#long post #syscourse #syscourse tw

[nicosraf]

hi i have a bit of a personal ask, feel free to ignore. i developed a theology hyperfixation this year. it started with just being into the imagery and then specifically angels and then i read your book which made me start reading the bible (as well as start learning about other religions). im personally not religious, i was even raised christian but it never stuck to me, as soon as i was away from my christian school it felt right and free. i never doubted how i felt. but now that im engaging with all these religious texts and keep hearing how if i dont believe in this god or that god then im going to suffer for eternity it... has made me feel very anxious haha. i dont believe these gods exist but ive been having "what if what if what if what if" stuck in my brain and its making going about my usual life difficult. (i have ocd which doesnt help). anyway... you seem knowledgable and full of wisdom im just wondering if you happen to have advice for my situation. maybe the answer is just to stop indulging this interest but i do genuinely find it interesting lol. thanks so much for your time!

Hello! I think it's difficult to answer this without getting personal myself but I want to answer because I really get it! I go through some phases of obsessive-compulsive (+ I can really struggle with reality sometimes), and religion is a huge one for me. When I got into theology, I think I was partly motivated by the idea that if i delved deep enough, I would find something that would make me stop feeling bound by what the Bible says. As in, I would find something that would make me go, "Ah! It's all fake!" or "Ah! This god is so evil that I'm better off burning in hell!"

Well, I did do my deep dive, and it didn't really turn out that way. The canon Bible is interestingly nuanced and so is theology. So here is what helped me not feel terrified of the "What if" :

Frame theology in a way that brings you comfort, instead of just taking its warnings at face value. Interpret liberally. If it is real, then you will be okay. The Bible is pretty wishy washy about the suffering of non-believers and god is supposed to be forgiving/understanding. Maybe he'll get it. Maybe he likes you. If it's not real, then you'll be fine; you were for a long time, after all. If it is real, you'll be fine too.

On the point above — if hell scares you, then read about hell. Most theologians can't agree on it at all! When I read the theory that hell might be empty, it brought me comfort.

Read on other religions. I can't emphasize this one enough!!! Expand your horizons. Read about every religion in the world, especially smaller and indigenous ones. Read about how Abrahamic religions have split off and what motivated the splits. I think remembering the human role in what eventually gets to the final doctrines really helps. The Christian elite would want you to get the most fear-mongering version of the text; they don't want to lose you!

You can definitely take a break. My therapist recommended me to stop indulging, but that's easier said than done. And it might be the healthiest option, but I wanted to provide this advice in case you think it might help... I'm not full of wisdom!!! I make nothing but mistakes and I am still learning... but I hope I can reassure you that you're not alone! We struggle together

#mine #ask #theology

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

#answers

[jackiietaylor]

unpopular stranger things opinions/hot takes 👀

omg thanks for sending this and giving me a reason to share my opinions 👀 this got really long because i have a lot to say apparently

first of all, i genuinely love and enjoy this show and that seems to be an unpopular opinion recently? like i was shocked when i logged on after watching volume 2 and everyone on my dash hated it because i loved it. and i love all the other seasons, too. yeah obviously there’s some parts i don’t like and things i would change but overall i still think it’s really good. but yeah mandatory “i do actually really like the show” before i start complaining about some things

s1 > s4 > s3 > s2

i don’t understand the obsession with character death. not as in i don’t understand why people don’t want characters to die but i don’t understand the constant need to talk about how characters are “definitely” going to die. no main character has been killed off throughout the whole show and yet pre-s4 no one would shut up about characters dying. also after the reaction to eddies death i think the duffers are gonna be too scared to kill anyone off lol

on the other hand, killing el off/not giving her a happy ending would be the single greatest mistake the show could make

el’s side plot in s2 is one of the highlights of the show for me. the lost sister will probably forever be my favorite episode of the show. ive never understood the hate it gets. im really hoping that kali comes back in s5 and helps fight vecna

el is the only Main character. there are obviously many other characters that are leads but she is ultimately the main character. the entire show revolves around her and her plot(s).

nancy has some of the best development in the entire show. ive seen so many people say she has no development outside of the love triangle and i find that so surprising because she’s changed soo much. her entire journey to wanting to be a reporter directly stems from her not being listened to and her desire to do something about barbs death. everything about her current character stems from that specific moment and we’ve seen throughout the seasons how that’s progressed and shaped her into and i think because of that development, she’s pretty much the only character with a defined ending (career as a journalist)

mike has done like one thing wrong in the entire show and im so unbelievably tired of people acting like he’s the villain. he’s a 14 year old who doesn’t know how to perfectly express himself sometimes. people need to leave him alone

steve & robin and el & max have the two best friendships on the entire show and anyone who says otherwise is wrong

hopper should’ve stayed dead. his death was perfectly written in s3 and reviving him brought nothing to the plot. it wasn’t even explained how he survived, he was just there. it wasn’t well thought out or well written, and overall it just wasnt necessary. they ruined what was ultimately a beautiful send off (the speech to end s3) for a cheap plot twist that had no payoff.

(also i don’t like hopper because he gave brenner el’s location in s1, fully intending that he would kidnap her again. it’s unforgivable regardless of what his reasoning was and i hate that it was never brought up ever again)

going off of that, the entire russia plot is the worst written part of the whole show. it could be scrapped entirely from s4 and the season would lose nothing

stranger things is blatantly obvious about what ships are gonna end up together at the end of the show

jancy is just a truly terrible ship all around. jonathan hiding in a bush to take pictures of nancy through a window while she was taking her clothes off is soo unbelievably creepy and unforgivable, and it’s terrible that it was just dropped with no consequences whatsoever for him. he doesn’t even actually apologize! he says he shouldnt have taken the picture, but when she asks him why he took it in the next episode he says it was just a nice picture and then starts lecturing her about how she’s gonna end up miserable like her mom?? they should’ve never got together after all that. and then there’s all the bullshit in s3 when he undermined the misogyny she was facing at work and didn’t believe her at all which just further proves that they shouldn’t be together! and then she forgot he existed for most of s4 anyway

i want nancy to end the show single so bad

robin/vickie sucks lol. stranger things is probably the only show that has me rooting against the lesbian character ending up in a relationship. vickie is sooo boring and has absolutely no personality! even suzie’s random family members got personalities in s4! im tired of being told to accept the bare minimum just because a show is adding a random throwaway gay character. vickie serves no purpose in the plot and id rather not waste the extremely limited time left in the show developing robins relationship with a complete nobody when her friendships with pre-existing characters should be the focus. also every single one of their scenes featured steve in some capacity which was very annoying

steve and nancy actually have such an interesting dynamic as characters but specifically as exes. personally, i do not think they should get back together, but i think what makes them interesting is why they shouldn’t be together. obviously their first breakup is because of their different reactions to barbs death. their relationship was never going to make it past that. barb died because nancy brought her to steves house, she died AT steves house, and died while nancy was alone with steve. there was never any coming from back that, not while nancy hadn’t processed her grief and especially not when steve was trying to convince her to forget about it and go to a party. but they’ve both grown as people since then, and they’re still not going to work. steve wants a big family, nancy is career-oriented to the point that she will do anything to succeed as a journalist. nancy doesn’t want the suburban, nuclear family life. they are fundamentally mismatched when it comes to what they want in life and i think exploring THAT aspect of their dynamic is so much more interesting than just shoving them back together

overall the show is so much more enjoyable when you don’t care about ships <3 please disregard everything i just said about the ships <3 but seriously the main focus of the show is not even remotely centered on the romantic relationships and watching the show without really caring about that aspect of things is way better

this isn’t a hot take about the show but more the fandom: a lot of the dynamics do not exist at all in the show the way some people think they do. most obvious example is el and will, who both are wayyyy closer to at least 3 other characters than they are to each other. this isn’t just limited to stranger things, it happens in most shows, especially ones with a found family element (ex. agents of shield) but people tend to forget what the dynamics actually are and then project their opinions onto the characters

semi-related and not really a hot take but if i had to choose underrated/non-existent dynamics to explore in s5, i would choose: lucas and el (connection to max), nancy and el (both on the show since s1 but have barely spoken, both the only people to know vecna’s full backstory firsthand), and nancy and mike (siblings who both probably think they’re only children at this point because they never interact with each other)

also related to fandom but it’s so clear that so many people either have not watched the show or just don’t anything remember what happens in the show when they post shit. and that’s way there’s sooo much mischaracterization everywhere

this show has way too many characters and it’s resulted in a lot of them having nothing to do for entire seasons. look at the california group from this season. they spent the entirety of episodes 5-8 driving around in a van with nothing to do. even joyce, who was one of the main main characters in earlier seasons, felt like she was just kinda there this season. part of it is the way they divide the plots, especially geographically this season, but the other part is just not having anywhere near enough time or plot spaces for all the characters. it’s unfortunately probably only gonna get worse in s5 because they have to somehow wrap up every characters individual plot in addition to the greater shows plot

and my hottest take is that will is severely overhyped sorry. he’s just not that interesting of a character and i really don’t understand that obsession with him? i mean he’s a fine character and he hasn’t really done anything wrong but there are so many other characters that are actually involved in the plot that i find way more interesting, relevant, and better written. like he was barely in s1, s2 was more about things happening to him than him actually doing anything, and s3 and s4 he didn’t do anything. hopefully s5 will give him something interesting to do but for now i just don’t see it

#this is so long oops #some of these are probably more unpopular than others idk #moonlayl #answered

[erixislost]

LAST UPDATED AUGUST 18TH 2023

SOCIALS, INTERESTS, DNI PAGE, TAGS ↓

I despise tumblor. I am here anyway. I was never on twitter or Reddit shut up.

hiiii hello I have nooo clue who i am and I'm just making my way through the interwebs once in a while saying something funny. he/him and she/her pronouns please. I love movies, Wes Anderson, TV shows, videogames, art, visually pleasing sketchbook pages, puppets, animals, snazzy words, cinematography and music!! you'll see more specific examples of these things as you make your way throughout my blog.

other socials!! (soery Tumblr 😧)

Pinterest here!!

honestly if you wanna know all fandoms I'm in just check here cuz you'll find them all, plus some extras I suppose but the Pinterest addiction is real

Letterboxd :]

I have a taste in movies for sure. I don't know if it's a good one. But I do think this is my funniest platform (and I do love Wes Anderson, have I said that already?)

and I don't think anyone uses TV Time but it's the easiest for me to understand so :P

I'll add my Spotify when I've fixed all my playlists *crais*, but believe it or not you can unlock my discord by completing the sweet sweet side quest of becoming my friend so look out for that!! 🤭

Some skinny pigs to make your day better :)

(I want one sooo bad)

bc this is Tumblr I apparently have to have some kind of DNI page so just don't be horrible plss?? okay good. That means no phobes of any kind, pro-lifers or racists, and I think everyone can get the rest. We respect all fandoms here unless it's a toxic one or if you yourself is a toxic fan. For example TMNT-cest will get banned immediately. Other than that I hope everyone feels safe and comfortable here!! We're not scared to be cringe on this page because what a dumb word really.

(I'll put links to my tags here when I've fixed them but tbh I really don't know how anyones read this far)

okay I think I've written enough so that people think im a serious Tumblrer now.... don't worry guys I'll Troy and Abed myself out..

(IM THE ONE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR)

#community #pinned #trobed #animals #misc

[taegularities]

Rid you're crazyyyyyyyyyyy

just finished cmi11 IM FUCKING CRYING holy shit that was so good oh god

first of all the conversation between oc and her mom made me cry so hard- it hit home for me, as a girlie with mommy issues, that part felt so real to me. Oc's courage to stand up for herself like that and tell her how much she hurt her own daughter is something i dont have in me. It broke my fucking heart, that yearning feeling, i cant believe you put that specific feeling into words rid [are u part of the mommy issues community as well🧐 or are u just that amazing, a true fucking artist (i saw that anon calling you the beyonce of ff and i agree 100%)] idk how to describe my feelings rn, that part definitely left a mark in my heart, ill never forget it

second the domesticity in these two dorks oh my goddddd they're driving me crazy, theyre so cute and in love and im in love with them and i want to cry bc i want what they have but bc irl men suck the hopeless romantic in me is gonna have to live through fanfics for the rest of my life and that makes me fucking miserable but bless the fanfic gods like you that keep my soul alive, idk what id do without you

lastly that scareeeeee oh god like i knew itd be a negative but it had my heart beating out of my ass (idk if thats a phrase) but the way they handled it oh god, the emotionsssssss the fears and insecurities, just reminded me that theyre human, even if theyre the most fucking adorable characters ever, theyre still human and i loved seeing such nuance. You really are doing an amazing job rid, not only writing the story, scenes and dialogue, but also the way you write these characters in such depth, its so fucking refreshing to see.

i want to kiss your beatiful head that holds your beautiful brain, seriously ive never ever been so enchanted by a piece of writing before (and i read so much fanfiction its like an addiction) you are by far my strongest fix. For real tho, your writing, and particularly cmi has touched me deeply and I'll never ever forget it. So thank you

Rest assured and stop doubting yourself bc youre seriously incredible and so fucking talented. Now rest up and take care of yourself, i imagine its not easy to birth such work (i mean 36k you monster, i loved every second of it but damn girl take a break before you burn your brain out) but no srsly i hope youre eating well, sleeping well and doing things that make you happy and relaxed. You deserve all the best of this world rid🫂🩷

sincerely ~ 🐼✒️anon

panda hi hello oh my gosh, sorry for being late, but you mentioned so many important things, so i wanted to take my time HELLO!! never stop sending these lovely af reviews 🥺

i know... she really is inspiring bc the courage to stand up against someone you feared for so long is admirable. i'm part of both the mommy and daddy issues community even though it's gotten a lot better lol like i wonder why it's such a recurring theme in my fics 🤣 i'm so sorry you could relate to oc :( but i'm glad you liked the scene so much.

and ahhh the domesticity 🤧 it's been so so fun and relaxing to write!! real life romance can be hard to find, yeah :') so i guess writing these scenes and chapters has been extra cathartic (although it drives me crazy, too — the next chapter has been making me so jejfhdjjsgd), but here's to finding a cmi jk irl soon :') much more to come!!!🕯️

the scare was one hell of a ride 🥺 i cried a lot!! and even i have been realising lately that i sometimes try to make my characters flawless, but that's actually not what i wanna go for. i always snap out of it and then try to make them flawed bc they're human, and i think the cmi couple, despite how endearing they are, is definitely vv flawed :') thank you for pointing that out 🥺

your strongest fix?? girl PLEASE ILL CRY 😭💔 i love you so much, you're so sweet for saying that and seeing me in such a way, pls i want you here forever <3 i rested a lot after cmi11! but ngl, cmi11.5 almost burned me out ksjdhehd gonna rest even more after that hehe. tyssssm, i hope you're well and healthy and i appreciate you so much for your kindness, reassurances and love for this series/me. love you so much 🤍

#MWAH see you tonight<3 #notes for rid 🌹 #🐼✒️ anon #fic: colour me in

[ilargeicontradictmiself]

so uhm, yeah its done, i watched the whole thing, i- last part , that very last thing got to me...

and im in a weird headspace for a wedding but weddingspending them, them. hand in hand, they reached for each other. i love the scene after about him taking her out of the action cause she's mad and they talk about it for days and weeks and its not resolved right there and then but "we'll work it out", and that shot of them outside the elevator, the whole thing i just love it. the smile on teresa's face. the certainty that jane has. they've been there, they've been scared, they've wprked loops around each other and lied and at the end, its them, and they share their past and they see their future and they 're happy even if they're not. i love jane taking time away to think and teresa saying its okay but i need you to call its okay but when you come back i need to know that you're commited, whatever yo need and whatever i need but you cant run away and not call you cant lie to me and it works cause they got here, they fell on their faces and got back up

i, am not sure what im even saying at this point i hope i never sit down to read this again cause ill want to rewrite the whole thing. my favourite ppart is just when i say i love this "..." and this and yeah

i mean its a cop show, they have ups and downs pros and cons, i realize ive mentioned criminal minds a lot here,but i am very aware of how that was different, in very essential experience related ways. i was actually thinking abou this before i watched the finale and the "im barely here" crisis it fueled ( in a very nonsensical not here way) is what got me in a weird mood for a wedding , that and the concept of relationships and commitment crisis thoughts. ive used the word crisis too many times now it sb arely a word

i love tea, i want different flavours, everytime i make a cup now there are always two things in my head : jane and ted saying "dirtwater i dont know how yall drink that"

i love whoever made that scene pack i might get them all in one video, add a couple things i assume ill be missing, specific shots, like them waiting for the elevator after the fight in season seven

are we partners or what

see how much smoother it goes when you dont hide things from me?

could not handle how gorgeous she looked in that wedding dress

i like that it was cho but i do know that rigsby was sad he couldnt be there, he's the true fashion expert

ive watched so much of it so fast and in such a specifically weird time i need to digest, maube rewatch, maybe just sit with it and other things

the satisfaction of having watched seven seasons of television in a surprisingly short amount of time is still there when the time is right, same bird flying over the sky ( oh i really like the metaphor, the bird's different, the sky's different and the world below's different but its the same bird flying over the same sky, different with a dot + a questionmark)

nighty night

#the mentalist #diary entries

[genderqueerdykes]

hi, and happy new year! this isnt urgent or anything, but ive been super nervous trying to plan coming out to friends and family.

specifically, the friend im telling first knows im trans, but ive never talked about wanting hrt before. since its not in person, im not sure how best to send the letter, and trying to even write it has been a bit gruelling.

the latest draft feels like the best, but ive never made one before and even though i know this friend is super nice and nonbinary themself i cant help but worry about timing and wording and writing.

idk if u have any advice or experience with this, even just some encouragement would be awesome. ur blog gives me hope, may the new year treat you well!!

hello there, happy new year to you!

i'm glad to hear you're writing a letter i think for a lot of people that's the best way to get your thoughts out and be heard without being overwhelmed by emotion or nerves and getting scared, backing out or being misinterpreted. there's always a chance they still won't quite get it but it's definitely the best way in my opinion to get your thoughts out there

you can write a different letter for each individual person if you'd like, to maybe see if you can tailor the information to each of them in a way that they can digest better, or you can write one letter. i texted my mom, dad and sister separately but said about the same things to each of them.

don't be afraid to let them know that this is a big part of your life and it does affect you. it's not something you're doing just because, it's something that has deep meaning to you, and that you need to do it for your own well-being. try to be as confident as you can when wording things out, let them know who you really are. avoid saying "i think i'm trans and i might wanna go on HRT" and go straight for "i'm trans, and i need to start HRT in order to take care of myself and my health."

some people latch on to "wishy washy" or 'weak" language and try to use it as a point against you for whatever reason. be confident, let them know you mean it, and that it's important to you and not just something that can be swept under the rug or brushed aside. obviously not saying to be confrontational, but i think the important part is to let people know that it's a big part of your life. it'll help you feel better about it too knowing that you had the guts to have that confidence. when you put that kind of energy out there into the world, you also internalize it. what you say to others does have a big impact on how you feel about yourself

i hope that helps at all, if not, best of luck to you, it's always hard to do these kinds of things and we spend lots of time sitting there and waffling, wondering. is the best way to go about it? can i word it better? can i do it better? and maybe you can, but it's better to get it done than to try to do it the best way possible. i think if you just kind of flow with it and remember to speak from a place of truth and to let them know this is who you are, you will do fine. take care of yourself, best of luck, i hope they respond well to you and if you need anymore help, let us know!

#asks #answers #coming out

[mendelnavi]

so rice @nextsoundofthefuture you seemed to enjoy my tags last time and i finally have the brain power to listen to gumiyas playlist so i will dive right in lets go crazy and stupid *salutes but with the wrong hand*

lost umbrella - oh my goddddd the DIRECT reference to shine and gumiyas meeting i am losing my fucking mind. like i have to imagine either this song was planned FROM THE BEGINNING or u were just like ‘oh my fucking god lost umbrella.’ like im losing it how much this is The gumiya song.

talk it up - this song jumpscared me to be honest after rolls were all vocal synths to my recollection or at least vocal synthPs hearing a real voice scared me. anyway gumiya boyboss arc. the accountant of all time. this is literally about being a Hard Working Boy and im proud of him

ivory - hmmmmmm this song is interesting. it feels like gumiya is talking about his own image? like he feels like he isn’t very cool. he’s just some guy. and he likes shine so much but shes so much cooler than him in his mind so theres like a gap that he feels is insurmountable and is really sad about it. not sure though but theres definitely inadequacy there. ‘i worked so hard to do something and does it even matter? i’m just an accountant. this is barely anything.’

tokyo ghetto - oh boy. ok with this and ivory combined i almost wonder if gumiya thinks his own form of kindness is a facade? like he doesnt think that there is Work in being kind and that everyones just faking it like him, not that its something you have to try every day. shine is this beacon because he feels like she’s earnestly being kind and he’s just. imitating it. maybe. at the very least he definitely looks up to shine’s version of kindness

like real people do - NOOOOOOOOO NOT LIKE REAL PEOPLE DOOOOOO my eyes started stinging the second i heard that guitar. i literally sing this song regularly like its one of the songs i perform professionally for people. this song matters to me so much ohhhh gumiya. gumiya buddy. oh god gumiya. you love her so much dont you. ohhhh buddy. forgiveness. love. redemption. (unwell rn)

candlelight - GUMIYA STOP BEING DOWN BAD ITS MAKING ME INSANE. do i even have more words. yeah i do actually these specific songs are all very. worshippy. not in a bad way! i just wonder if gumiya ever remembers shine is the same as he is and that loving her doesnt mean putting her so high up in his mind. 

always - ok rice jsyk the link to this song is not the right one in the description of the playlist its to candlelight again. anyway. gumiya expects to be the one to bear shine’s burdens? he wants to help. no matter the cost. but he still feels like he’s so far apart from her. his self esteem ..... Bro

hey brother - if this song is about how close gumiya is to his sisters i will be crying loudly and openly. sibling relationships get to me. either way its definitely also part of gumiyas Dependable Image i just hope this time its a little more genuine because his sisters. i hope

reunion - ok ive been wondering if the theme of losing hope in Something was just my imagination but this song cements it. gumiya is losing hope in his mission and he is just hoping with his android heart that shine will never feel that way with this song. ogh bestie

in the name of love - can i really say anything about this last song other than gumiya pinning ur hopes on someone is so much all the time. the grind is terrible and it is hurting you but doing this to shine certainly isnt going to help with the pining or the one-sided-ness of ur relationship. but i wonder if you know that and are okay with it, too. hmmmmmm. much to think about

#dwyer talks #nsotf #vocal synths #hello rice. enjoy

[vincentvalenfine]

For the writer question, all evens go

aw fuck here we go

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen

listen I wrote fic on paper back in summer camp 10+ years ago and while I can do it, im gonna fuckin complain about it (and install talk to text)

4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?

hmm.... rage. when it's used in the right moment, the depths of anger it relays, the emotion of such tremendous anger is really powerful to me tbh

6. What is your darkest fear about writing?

that my work is always far worse than I think it is and people are merely pitying me when they say its good

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

I could do either honestly but I think I'll pick no dialogue, using only action to tell a story is fun!

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

uhhhh idk that i'm necessarily haunted by any writing?? i would consider haunting to be like... a mix of nostalgia and regret, maybe yearning too. can't think of anything that really hits that feeling for me writing-wise

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

i would wish for... ability to focus on writing a novel, ability to edit that novel, and ability to get it published

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

I never lent books to ppl cause I was always the one borrowing them LOL

16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?

I don't even remember all the weird shit ive used tbh, i wish i could!!! my hand is a fave tho, have used plasticware spoons/forks... receipts are a classic

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

“Doctor Zeigler is just trying to keep everyone healthy, Huntress. No one here considers you incapable, so please don't feel offended when help is offered. We are a team, after all.”

Team is straining it a little; still, Huntress has to admit there are a few moments still clear in her mind when teamwork had flown smoothly, though. She just doesn’t want to admit to needing any help. Isn’t she the one with the fancy cloak and the fancy rifle, the one who’s been helping out? Her problems should be her own, along with everything else she’s brought with her.

She still hasn’t moved when Genji sighs a little, and surprisingly reaches up his hands near the back of his head. The soft hiss of compressed air being released startles her - she hadn’t even realized the faceplate could be removed, and she finds herself holding her breath for a moment as he takes it off, eyes widening a fraction when she sees the scarred skin come into view, his angular eyes somehow far sharper than the bright green of his visor. Uncomfortably, she’s reminded of how Hanzo had watched her. Brothers, indeed. The metal that frames his face makes the sight disconcerting as she continues to stare until finally averting her gaze, mumbling a tiny apology.

“It is not shameful to accept help when it is offered to you, though I can see you do not feel the same about this. I have needed much help in my life, and while I might have once felt resentful of it like you do, I have learned much since then, and I hope you can come to the same realization that I did. So please, eat. It will make you feel better.”

this is from my overwatch fic about my girl huntress and I always did have a scene in mind where she sees genji's face for the first time. tying it in with her trouble accepting help and eating properly made it feel impactful to me, with genji extending some vulnerability to show her that it's okay to be vulnerable and need help. it's a good scene ur honor

20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch

love. writing never needs to be perfect to have an impact anyway and getting published is overrated

22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?

google docs, i just name things pretty straightforwardly so I know what it is (like "Hanzo fic" or "X worldbuilding")

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

no prep we research mid-paragraph like fools

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

if it's a canon character I'll go through anything that features them, read their dialogues, lore, etc to help me get as much into their mindset as possible, I like being able to imagine any dialogue ive written in their voice so it checks out. there are some characters that are really Intense to get into honestly, I have to make sure it doesn't affect my own mental health to dive into that mindset, esp with characters that are depressed since I have that issue myself and it can push me in bad directions if I get too attached.

28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?

I find Genji Shimada it be very delightful to write for, he has a very wholesome mindset about himself that gives me a good boost of mental wellness like "he can be so kind to himself.... maybe I can be kind to myself too" and it makes me feel good!! also he's so fucking funny tbh

30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

I don't recall ever writing in my dreams, but i have definitely taken inspiration from my dreams before! ive gotten characters, plots, some worldbuilding, it's not a constant deluge but sometimes my subconscious just cooks up some real fun, unique ideas

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

I don't have one really tbh... adhd brain forget shit lmao

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

so fucking necessary!!!!!!!

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

im adhd babey i know So Many Thing

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

uhhhhhh being able to somewhat mimic the accent of whatever character I'm writing helps me with believable dialogue? does this count?

40.Please share a poem with me, I need it.

Cat mews at my door/Asking for breakfast early/It's seven am 🙄

#shellbow #sorry this took me like fifty years lmao