#at least im not going into work today

[ivypool]

.

#tw: pet death vent in tags #it’s been a hard day #my cat passed away…im so devastated #on top of everything going on with my mom & her decline bc of her c*ncer #it all has just been so hard to deal with #im glad that my cat at least isnt suffering anymore and she is reunited with my dog and other cat who both passed a while ago #we dug a nice grave for her & laid her to rest in a biodegradable bag + we are going to plant lilacs over her grave next spring 🥺 #the house just feels even emptier now #lots of ghosts in my house though tbh…both figuratively and literally #we have one cat left idk what im gonna do when his time comes he has been my emotional support through so much #i dont even want to think about that #its all too much right now. im just so mentally drained #my mental health is just so great 😎👍 /s #at least im not going into work today #im going to a haunted house with a friend finally i get to go for fun instead of working LOL #i really hope it scares me ive never been to this specific one but im also immune to most haunted houses as a scare actor #but it should still be fun even if i dont get scared ill get inspiration from the actors 😎 #so that should distract me for a bit and i should have a good time #whew this was a huge vent in the tags but theres a lot going on in my life rn #ivy.txt

[todayisafridaynight]

barely four hours into the new month and im already silly

#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #ryu ga gotoku 7 #yakuza series #yakuza 7 #yakuza like a dragon #arasawa #masumi arakawa #jo sawashiro #snap sketches #BYE LMAO #i just wanted to draw arakawa tbh but then somehow sawashiro ended up here too #a reward for me for shotgunning all of my comm sketches tonight :))))) #im lying of course. there was SOME intent. but i really didnt expect to make this a 'whole' thing #at the very least i just expected to post the sketch and call it a night but I Am Not Tired And I Fear Time Loss So Might As Well #anyway todays inspo for this is uhhhhhhhhhhh heavage LMAO #my guy being SO respectful not to peak... couldnt be me Who Said That #sorry i draw young arasawa so much. it just tickles me cause i get to Reasonably make jo a doofus #yk. before he fully invests himself in The Horrors and becomes a cunt. still love him tho <3 maybe even more cause of it LMAOO #ok i should sleep. but im not going to cause im gonna go work out HAHA BYYYYYEEE #posting this now so i stop looking at it and feeling like i need to add more to it BITCH ITS JUST A SCRIBBLE MOVE ON AND EXERCISE

[coughloop]

I lost my wallet and I wantt to killllll myself about it

#i know im spiralling bad about it cause it literally feels like the ends of the world #i woke up this morning and got hit with such overwhelming despair about it i starter sweating and heating up #so bad i had to sit outside shirtless in -5 weather for like 12 minutes to cool down #then ran to the toilet and had my head on the bowl for another 5 before confirming i was not going to puke #so today is bad #at least i made it to work #ill be fine its just the cash im upswt about and a couple keepsakes that arent THAT important all the cards are replaceable #and i cancellee my bank cards already

[hella1975]

end of march is crazy for writing like i have a 1.5k essay im doing today and tomorrow, a 2k word essay im doing wednesday and a 1k word research proposal im doing friday. and in the remaining week of the month i am WILLINGLY going to finish taob (~10k OPTIMISTICALLY) and make a solid start on tams (~5k-10k depending on how well writing goes). like yes girl write around 20k words worth of MULTIPLE PROJECTS in a handful of days there is no way this can end badly at all

#'hella no one is pressuring you to post anything if you arent able to or are overwhelmed by the barrage of uni work you have atm' stfu #i cannot stress enough the moment i give myself a self-imposed deadline for a fic it HAS to be met #like you guys could beg me to chill out and i simply would not cave #also i just got back from dnd and it was such a good session like i have actual friends there now #and the DM from today actually messaged me on facebook afterwards saying how much he enjoyed playing with me #and he said i brought a lot to the table and my interaction was 'better than some people that have been playing for 5+ years' #I GOT A GOOD GRADE IN DND SOMETHING THAT IS BOTH NORMAL TO WANT AND POSSIBLE TO ACHIEVE #and next week is the first week im going without my mate bc she's away so i was a little nervous #but then this guy that's basically adopted us was like 'omg i'll make sure we're on a table together so you at least know me!' #which was nice enough on its own BUT THEN this dm that's been playing for over 40 years who always chats with us after #was like INSISTANT that we go on his table next week which im SO buzzing for bc he's like a veteran player he knows SO MUCH #and it felt very cool that he was actively inviting us like i dont think that's something he does often #hehehe im having fun with the freaks and weirdos <3333 #hella goes to uni

[saviourkingslut]

not to be about opera again but to be about opera again. as an art form it has the reputation of being super stuffy and something for snobs who don't know how to have fun only but honestly this was one of, perhaps even THE main theatrical entertainment for centuries. i wish people knew how hard these things can go and how engaging they can be. like characters kill and die and fight wars and (almost) commit human sacrifice left and right. characters fall in love they mourn they're ecstatic they cry they're furious it's an extremely dramatic and emotional art form! and i understand that opera does not appear approachable bc of the general conventions of the art form but i promise old works can be fun and engaging if you go watch them with some preparation beforehand (reading the libretto helps) - not to mention not all operas are old bc there are so many modern operas which engage with topical events! also the music slaps.

#le triomphe de trajan (1807) out here calling for a man's execution with this banger: #point de grace pour ce perfide; que tout sons sang coule sur un autel #(no grace for this treacherous man; let all his blood flow on an altar) #this is also annoying to me when people write historical fic and the characters treat the opera as this elitist thing #that they don't know anything about. #you know when they go to the opera reluctantly and then they have no idea what's going on on stage or who the composer is. #which is. very unlikely for anyone with the money to attend an opera in certain opera houses in the 19th c. tbqh #like im more of an expert on paris and vienna idk what it was like in london #but if you were decently (upper) middle class or nobility (esp in paris) you went regularly. this was like a whole social space too #i recently read a fanfic and one of the characters was like 'oh it's in italian. i don't know that' and the other character went like #'it's by a man called donizetti what did you expect' #(this was situated in 19th century london) #like first of all. donizetti was NOT a librettist he was a composer he did not write the text #and second of all. he worked on french operas ?? so did rossini. and spontini. #opera was an incredibly international art form. also bc productions would be performed in different countries all the time #(sometimes changed and/or translated but not necessarily) #and again like i said. this was one of THE main forms of entertainment. people were familiar with its conventions! it was well-liked! #ofc bc of the seating prices it was not very accessible to lower classes most of the time #but lbr most characters that get written into an opera scene in fiction are at the very least decently bourgeois lol #i wish people knew how to properly historicise forms of entertainment whose reputation has changed in the modern era #from what it was a century or more ago #very adjacent to people 'cancelling' old lit bc of 'bad takes' like idk how to tell you this but people thought different back then #completely different world view from what we have today. that does not make lit from that era irredeemable it is just from a diff. time #acknowledging that and reading the text critically but also still enjoying it are things that go tgt here #ok rant over (it is never over) #curry rambles

[clockworkreapers]

More commissions!

two for my long time friend Medic and one for @honeycreamsugar

#making good time dude very good time #my dentist appointment be today am am so ready to just get this taken care of #still need to do a few more to cover the bill but at least i can make the money back now and not feel like im going to die #it is WITHIN REACH #commission work #commission art #homestuck #hiveswap #art #artwork #character art #not my characters #fantroll #fantrolls

[frecklystars]

GOD!!!!! 😭😭💓💗💖💓💓💞💞💕💟💝💘💝💝💞💗💘💝💟💓💗💞💕💟💝💘💓💖💓💕💕

#I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE MAKES ME SO SO SO HAPPY 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 #love notes #💕♬♪ ♡ I fall more in love with you every day (Blue) Valentine - ̗̀💙💌🍦 ̖́- #love that every Ryan character has just become another bf to make me feel safe and loved #I have come so far from where I was one year ago #i love that i can self ship with this guy and im like YES he loves me he protects me he would never hurt me #its hard to feel that way 24/7 but i feel that way at least half of the time now #and thats all that matters is that im getting better even if its fluctuating and messy. i AM getting better #because i know one year ago today i would not have been able to self ship with any characters whatsoever #Dean isn't even a villain or a serial killer or whatever he's just some dude. just some guy in a jacket. #but back then i just could not for the life of me feel safe with anyone bc the abuse was so fresh #and just. thank god i am at a point where i can ship with some characters now. even when it's so goddamn HARD #its at least HAPPENING. y'know. like. i am healing even if it's so fucking SLOW going #the fact that i can look at this 5 second scene and feel a burst of love in my heart #and think to myself 'yeah yeah he loves me so much he'd hold me through my nightmares too' #that's. huge. compared to a year ago where i just. could not. #it hasn't even been a year since i cut my abuser from my life yet and im already making little progress #even if it's. so. minuscule. there is progress happening just bc of the passing of time #and the fact that Barbie came into my life exactly when it was supposed to and Ryan's been in all these movies i can focus on #it all worked out like the stars were aligned perfectly for me to meet these F/Os and for them to heal me #i don't think that's coincidence or accident or anything. i think that's some... universal or spiritual thing #like something out there is looking out for me even if it's just the galaxy itself #these characters were meant for me and i was planned to meet them and for them to heal me #slowly one day at a time. ANYWAY. WAHHH. HUGGING AND KISSING DEAN PEREIRA MY SILLY BOYFRIEND

[risingsunresistance]

why did glowing mushroom mixins go up to 4.5m, the update literally changed nothing. they last exactly as long, do the same thing, and are crafted with the same materials 😭

#man dont make me craft all that myself just to save a few coins. i crafted one once. it is TEDIOUS that was horrible i hated it #at least i have 2 brewed god pots left but i wanna keep one if i can since they dont exist anymore lol #anyways i am going to bed soon i am tired and sore from work today so i cant stay up as late as i was hoping >:( #20% to fishing 45 SOON SOON GOOD ARMOR SOON !!! #im almost fishing 50... what the hell do i do after that- #FORAGE??? i'll die #back on that extremely slow dungeons grind i guess kjfhkg #ehh i always have lil things to do here and there. but i like leveling skills i miss it :'( #the pain of having nearly maxed skills #you couldnt pay me to start a new profile tho i dont like early game lmao #bingo is on THIN ice #chat #sb

[orcelito]

As for my post this morning. If anyone was worried. Me personally I'm okay (I guess) but my dad's in the hospital and things r still very up in the air. So.

#speculation nation #bracing myself for the possibility of Major Grief.....2!!!! #well actualy more like 3 or 4 or 5 (lol lol lol) #but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad. #i left work early to visit him at the hospital. hes stable rn at least (he wasnt this morning) #he wasnt conscious though. and i really really hope he ends up okay #but. i still saw my dad unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to like a million tubes and #thats my dad. Thats my Dad. #im really trying to not do my processing until after i know for sure how things are gonna go #dont wanna start grieving until after he's officially gone #so im trying not to think about it. but it's still... yeah. unpleasant. #and theres a part of me thats so so resentful. if i have to have a dead parent why would it be the Good one? #take my fucking mom instead. hell my life would even be BETTER without her. horrible as that is to say. #but it's my dad. he's not perfect. he has his flaws. but he's still tried in a way she never ever did. #seeing him like that makes me feel so... small. makes me remember being picked up by him. #makes me remember riding on the back of his harley as a tiny little 10 year old with a helmet that was giant on me #we'll hope for the best. we'll hope for a recovery. even if not a full recovery. i just want to have my dad. #sorry. this is probably too real for my tumblr dot com. it's just been... a lot today. #negative/ #death/ #hospitals ment/ #idfk. sorry

[coollyinterferes]

"Back by unpopular demand:"

"Us!"

#[*trips and falls to the ground like that one pepe frog meme but dramatically explodes into a million pieces instead* hi hi] #[i'll start by apologizing and thanking y'all for your patience bc wheew its been almost 2 months since my last post holy shittt] #[mental health along with intrusive thoughts and stuff have been absolute ass and still are right now] #[not gonna go into much detail bc i'm dealing with tons of bad stuff and negativity but yeah] #[at this point i aint even going to say 'im back!' bc everytime i do some even more terrible shit happens irl so naw] #[i also can't promise thread replies today bc i already know i'll likely not be able to finish any] #[but i will try to at least start working on some of them ;v;] #[other than that please feel free to send in stuff if you wish!] #[i haven't been around in so long that i feel completely rusty and out of the loop rn] #[but i think i'll start with the few asks i was unable to get to last time] #[if you guys who sent them see this: i'm sorry for the super looooong wait and thank you so much for your patience!!! <3] #[hope everyone's having a lovely day/night!!! <3] #;ic #(? #;ooc #(?? #[the world will never truly know *x files music plays*]

[newtness532]

im so annoyed with everything today, i think i need some tasty food and a million hours of sleep and then I'll be back to normal

#the teacher at the first class today was so dibsjdhdhdhdhsgs 😫 #like she was teaching us things that are like unrelated to the class that shes teaching so idek why she was teaching it #but also its things that we have been learning since the 1st semester and we've done them in at least 10 classes and she was acting like #this was the 1st time we were hearing about it #like oh yeah we're on the 7th semester of studying nutrition but no one bothered to tell us how many calories are in a gram of fat #and she gave us homework 'to see if we know this' like #oh yes i can make a meal plan for a child with crohns or cystic fibrosis or celiac disease or everything else we've done this semester and #all the other semesters but i guess i cant tell you what micronutrients are in this one breakfast meal #like fuck off and stick to what you're supposed to be teaching #anyway i know im getting more annoyed than i should but she was just even more annoying than usual today #like she interrupted the lesson every 5 minutes to yell at someome to be quiet i wasnt even aware there were people talking until she yelled #anyway #also my new earphones aren't working well idk why ive definitely not been mistreating them that much for them to break in less than a month #like i had my old pair for at least 4 years until the broke and i dont think the wire got cut in them like the sound was coming out weird #but there was sound coming out. in the new ones you need to hold them in a very specific angle for sound to come out #and like im careful with how i put them away so what is up with them? #my theory is that they make wired earphones shitty on purpose so that you will spend a lot of money and buy wireless #also we had said from Tuesday that we would hang out with my friends today but i guess they forgot or idk and they made other plans #(to go home and sleep) and during the weekend the one friend wont be here and next week my family will be here so we probably wont hang out #again until next year and we have exams almost immediately so we wont be hanging out much then either #also my period is supposed to come soon and i hope that it will either come today or it will wait until after Christmas #ideally it will never come ever again but we cant always get what we want #anyway im gonna go eat the rest of my μεσογειακό and go take a nap #jo says stuff #personal ramblings

[churchydragon]

So is anyone gonna write a fic where the xenomorph starts infecting the other Killers and they have to team up with the Survivors or do I gotta do everything around here

#yes this is about the Dead by Daylight DLC. the Queen skin is literally right there. come ON #everyone knows you never have just one xenomorph. it inevitably becomes multiple xenos #dead by daylight #alien #alien 1979 #i don't even GO to DBD im fully just here for Ripley and Big Chap #literally the only reason im finally gonna start playing #at least until i can get Baldur's Gate 3 to stop crashing my pc. it happened 4 times today and im so sad #i wanna play with my grumpy ranger dragonborn #but ill play with Ripley and the Xenomorphs while i work on that #Ripley and the Xenomorphs sounds like a band name actually. okay i shut up now #churchy talks #churchy tag rambles

[soldier-poet-king]

I slept nearly 11 hours and I'm STILL upset and angry, and further upset and angry with myself for letting it get to me, and it's just >:(

#franposting #its ok. i had a coffee. am reading Naruto. #going to mass soon (woo slacker sleep in mass time) #gonna work on my cross stitch this afternoon #do some meal prep. either make some pasta salad or maybe a zucchini skillet #maybe some homemade mac and cheese bc im sad #idk cook smthn #then ofc play more bg3 #and ignore my stupid dumb mean family #my mothers displeasure is more known today #and its like. i literally was talking about how shes become kinder this week. wrt queer ppl on tv #and then. the irony of it all. everything is fine as long as its not me ig #shout out to my father who has soooo many problems but is at least being good abt this #but. yeah. im. upsetti #but also already dreaming of fillin in the half sleeve. i need sunflowers and dandelions. hellebore and lilies. bees!!! #all those hopeful lovely things for my soul #im also gonna get another helix piercing i think. in the opposite ear. more of a cuff style #its just. fuck it. im tired of squishing myself into a lil box for literally no reason #no moral reason no social reason just shitty fear and family

[munamania]

ok im a really chill and normal person and i get over things and am well adjusted but take a walk with me here. just give me my time to complain when im not in the absolute fucking trenches. and yes i believe i suffered more than those in trench warfare. it was literally a lesbian situationship with a bistraight girl come on. just. magenta choppy shag with the roots coming in. camo cargo pants black t shirt with red lettering and striped long sleeve (sign someone likes music. confirmed). lip ring big black stud earrings and nails. red docs. i think lesbians should be allowed to kill one dyke baiter in their lifetime idc

#and now we're gonna get into some quiet parts and youre just gonna let me have this #i. am so sick. first of all it was kinda funny how people ik ended up sorta surrounding her. felt good. but like we've shared a space #together since everything. i can like be in her presence it's seriously fine. that said. i do sometimes miss her #i say this after going through the really hating her guts period bc of her evil evil evil ways. and feeling like she's lame as hell bc she #s. but i mean it's me talking i have my problems too. i Hate the way we always so naturally act in sync. and i hate that we've both picked #each others' brains for hours so it's like. i knew you once and now we can't even look each other in the eye and that just really sucks #and i feel like. not that i strictly believe in these things. but we were sort of twin flames. i largely suffered for like. basically #falling in love w her. and i know i didn't leave as much of a mark. but i still hope it sucked a little for her #and i'll admit i think it'd be some sort of miracle if we could ever talk civilly. unfortunately we work in two ways #literally behaving in Ways and borderline fucking or not speaking. so. here we are #and i already humiliatingly tried to extend an olive branch this summer so im not gonna be fucking stupid. yk #but GOD how annoying. i did talk to situationship today and we were relatively normal so at least that's not deathly awkward #it's still. definitely um. stiff. but not terrible #i need to get to the club. pretend theres a cig emoji im on desktop rn #sorry for this. #film girl saga

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work #blocked it all out #my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer #breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries #they just diagnosed her two weeks ago #so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends #because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well #but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work #on top of my fulltime #which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it #but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this #for the coming four months at least #so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT. #i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes #then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe? #which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week #which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc #i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer #came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry #but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat #bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.” #“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.” #and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually #but seeing her anger made me see my own anger #and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic #i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more #so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise #doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal #and i am not joking #so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back