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mj3llyfish · 1 month

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Fallen angel!Adam x Moth Healer!Reader

Chapter 3: The beautiful light

(Ch.1) (Ch.2) (Ch.3)

Warnings: Swearing, nightmares, cannibalism, and smoking

A/n: Just wanna thank all the peeps that were able to vote on the poll I made a few days ago <33 Had no idea what to do for the story so voting really helped me. Also this one’s kinda L O N G, I just had a lot of ideas for this part. (Also this song just reminded me of this fic listen to it PLS)

Adam’s pov:

Another weird ass dream, ever since I moved in this chicks hip-dip apartment I’ve been getting them. It’s mostly the day of the extermination, I can’t believe I didn’t turn back as soon as they started fighting back. Now I let everyone in heaven down, even Lute.

Whatever, I need to go wiz. I should probably stay quiet otherwise that butterfly bitch might wa-

Third dream pov (idk what to call it):

Before Adam can finish his thoughts, he looks towards the mirror, revealing his angel form but severely injured, and with a large gaping wound in his chest, surrounded by blood. Adam lets out a startled yelp, backing up against the bathroom door, awakening him.

Normal third pov:

Adam wakes up, startled at his new dream. He had still been lying on the couch, but his eyes wider than ever. He sits up, some of the leather couch sticking against his sweaty body, scratching the back of his head. The grey morning sky shined between the window blinds, he wanted to go back to sleep, but who could after a dream like that?

Adam rushes to the bathroom, quickly opening the door and turning on the lights, heading straight to the mirror. He gently touches his left horn, feeling a mix of relief but also disappointment that he’s back in his new body.

A lousy cough escapes his chapped lips, feeling that his throat is dry, and decides to get water from the kitchen tap, grabbing a mug and filling it up with water. Sure it tasted weird and warm, but he didn’t care. He chugged the nearly the whole thing in one sip, with some water spilling from the cup to his chin hairs. Adam slams the cup against the table.

Suddenly, a displeasing alarm goes off in the distance. He realizes that he’s not alone in here, what could that alarm be for tho? Y/n steps out of from her room still in her pajamas, yawning.

“Oh Adam!... What are you doing up this early?” She asks while heading to the kitchen. “I dunno man, just felt like it.” He responds in annoyance, “What are you doing up this early? You’re the one with the annoying ass alarm.”

Y/n rolls her eyes a bit while opening the fridge and taking out a box of frozen waffles, “I just have somethings to do today, so I thought I’d wake up early. I’m planning to pick up something from cannibal town.” She begins putting some waffles in a toaster while making herself a latte. “Gasp, you should totally come!!” Y/n exclaims excitedly.

Adam looks alarmed, offended even, and just stairs in confusion. “Y/n, why in the fuck, would I want to go anywhere, in this miserable place.” He says in a brutally honest manner. “I mean seriously, are you blind? Have you seen what goes on out there??” Adam pulls y/n to the window opening the blinds, revealing a guy getting his brains blown out.

Y/n cringes at the sight, “okay yeah it’s not great, but cannibal town is pretty enjoyable! Cmon you’ll see what I mean when we go there, plus you get to try out those wings of yours.” She says pointing at his scaly two scaly things, leading Adam to spread one of them a bit.

Y/n stares at Adam waiting for an answer, he sighs in annoyance, “eugh, fine I’ll go. Whatever means I can crash in here.” She then jumps in excitement, “Yess!! Also you’re going to have to pay at least half of the rent here if you wanna stay.” (He really thought 😭)

Time skip: 2hours

Adam waits on the couch waiting for y/n to finish up getting ready, y/n was lucky to find her old roommates clothes in his size. He has a leather jacket, along with black jeans and a Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt. He’s wearing the same boots he wore when he got here tho, he thought they’d look good with his jacket. Adam flinches at the sudden steps of y/n who just finished up, walking in the room.

“Sorry, I didnt scare you did I?” She says chuckling whilst brushing her hair. She had a long forest green skirt, along with a brown laced top and a cardigan that only reached her elbows. “So do you wanna fly or walk there? I can teach you how!”

Adam realizes, he has to pretend he doesn’t know how to fly, otherwise she might get suspicious. He assumes that since one angel has fallen, then there must be a shit ton. He can’t let her know that he’s the reason for the exterminations. “yeah, yeah totally totes you can definitelyteachmehowtoflymanandstuffhahahha” He rambles on while his eyebrows are furrowed and making finger guns to him, noticeably sweating his ass off.

Y/n notices this, then coming to a conclusion. “I know why you’re nervous, Adam..” She says gently, while looking up at him. Adam panics, nearly choking on his spit, “Ar-Ar you serious?”

“Yeah..

you must be afraid of heights!” She exclaimed happily, truly a eureka moment for this woman. Adam sighs in relief, the most unbearable relief anyone has ever felt. “I knew it from the moment I saw you, it’s always the tall ones.” She says shaking her head. “We don’t have to fly, Adam. It’s only a mile or two away, we’ll get there in no time!” Y/n adds picking up her messenger bag. “Now, let’s get going!” She says with a bright smile.

As they step onto the sidewalk, y/n notices that Adam seems a bit cautious. Normally when he was in hell it was to commit a massacre, not having to worry about a sinner hurting them because-well they couldn’t at the time. But now things are different, he’s one of them now.

“Relax,” Y/n starts, “just stay out of trouble, and stick with me. Oh and also watch your step, these guys are open to just taking a dump anywhere they’d like.”

The two begin to walk on the dirty sidewalk, y/n being extra careful about where she’s walking, but Adam doesn’t really mind stepping on a used condom or some junkies bag of coke.

“So, what’s it like up there?” Y/n asks, Adam gets alarmed at her question, stuttering a bit. “uuuUUP WHERE?”

“On earth! I heard that the sky is blue instead of red. And the animals there are not as scaly” y/n begins to stroke the soft hairs on her left wing, she was truly torturing this poor man. “How do the animals look here?” He asks, before y/n can respond,

splat!

A large red fleshy snake falls onto the ground, not really moving that much, just there. “I think that should answer your question” y/n then walks over the seemingly dead snake, while Adam does the same.

“So like, what do you guys do here all day?” Adam questions while sneering at the explicit posters causally displayed out in the open. “I mean, that depends on who you’re asking. Most people go on a rampage as soon as they get here, at least from what I see.” Y/n shrugs. “But sometimes you find a stable part of hell, or at least as stable as hell can be.” Adam becomes slightly intrigued about what she’s saying about hell. “Like, I work at a cafe around here. It’s nice but it’s a bit hard to keep up the wage when angels and demons wreck the place every now and then.” She says sadly, Adam feeling a wave of shame, that she has to live in constant fear while working because of others, and sometimes him.

Eventually, both y/n and Adam finally enter cannibal town. Adam being a bit wary, since he sees many familiar faces around the place, but not for good reason. Y/n then noticing, “Adam? You don’t look so good, is something wrong?” She questions. Adam begins to snap out of his cautious mode, “uhh, yeah?It’s not like on earth people are open to just eating each other out in the open-and NOT in the good way.” He scoffs, pointing to a gentlemen eating another’s guts out. “Oof, Rosie might wanna get that checked at.” Y/n says looking over at where Adam is pointing.

“And who the hell is Rosie??” Adam asks pretty loudly, “The mayor, but I’m sure she’s busy today. Anyways, I’m gonna go to the florist shop. Whole I go you can..” Y/n begins to look around, trying to find a place for Adam to get distracted, then finding a smoke store nearby. “-go to the smoke shop!” She suggests pointing nervously to the shop, hoping that her assumption wouldn’t offend him.

Adam stared at the shop for a bit, he had smoked before, but it was mostly when he was able to disguise himself as a human and go to earth. But he hasn’t done that in a while, last time he smoked he found himself passed out at the back of some hippies van. Ever since Sera made sure he was always watched whenever he went to earth.

“…yeah sure I’ll go smoke.” He submits. Y/n taking a breath of relief, “good! I’ll be in the shop if you need me” Y/n quickly gives him a nice 50, then going off to the flower shop.

Adam finishes his shopping trip pretty quickly, to be fair all he had was 50$ and the store was quite small. He just bought a bubbler and a pack of cigarettes, along with a lighter of course. He sits on a bench that had been between the two stores, then smoking one of the cigarettes.

He sat on that thing for at least 6 or 7 minutes. As he was sitting, he did notice that this place was nicer than every other part of hell. A bit weird to think about, how just a few days ago they were trying to kill each other. A huge gust of wind blows his cigar onto the floor, and into a puddle to his left. His attention is then drawn into the reflection for a few seconds, but he shrinks away from the pain of realizing he’s a demon now, and turns away closing his eyes.

After a good 9 minutes, y/n comes out with a woven basket of lavender, as well as candles with flowers inside of them. “Oh I took so long didn’t I?” She apologizes. “They just had a great sale on candles I couldn’t resist!” Y/n begins to sit down with Adam, hoping to rest a bit after standing round for a bit. “So, how have your last few days been down here?”

“Shitty. Do you have any eyeliner?” Adam replies manspreading, him being slightly slouched down. Y/n then scurries in her bag, hoping to find some. “I didn’t strike you as the type to wear eyeliner.” She chuckles, handing him the small stick along with a hand mirror. “What shape do you like putting it? I like a thin feline, it’s cute but basic.” Y/n shrugs, “Do I look like Jeffery star to you? I don’t know the fuckin species of eyeliner.” He laughs shaking his head giving himself a soft Smoke. Y/n laughs along with him, setting down the basket of lavender and candles between them.

“I got the lavender stuff for you.” Y/n says, Adam pauses, looking over at y/n. “…you’re not that smart are you?” Adam stares judgmentally, y/n taking lots of offense to his comment but keeping quiet. “Why do I need flowers right now? I don’t need a pity gift, especially if they’re some fucking flowers.” Adam scoffs. “No, they aren’t a pity gift or anything, I can tell you haven’t slept peacefully ever since you’ve gotten here.” Y/n removes a bit of the cloth on the basket to take one of the lavenders out. “These will be able to help you, I can make tea out of them and they’ll help you out. Or we can use the aromatherapy I got with it too, just in case you don’t like tea.” Y/n offers, she reaches over to gently grab Adam’s hand places it on hers.

“I know you’re going through a lot Adam. You don’t have to tell me why, but I need you to know that hiding your feelings wont do any good for you.” She explains giving a worried but weirdly comforting look at him, “so please, let me help you.”

Adam stares into y/n’s maroon and green eyes. He then feels as if a big weight of pressure left his chest, he’s never been able to have a person understand him like this. Especially when they don’t really know who he is. Tears slowly form in his red eyes, as y/n pulls him in for a hug. Feeling the warmth in her body made him feel safe in a way, that he could trust her. That she can always help him when he needs it. He didn’t know the exact words for it, but all he knew is that he hadn’t felt this way ever since Eden.

Adam’s dream pov:

Both Adam and y/n had gotten back to the house, it was a nice trip back since Adam finally trusted her a whole lot more. Once they got back y/n gave Adam some lavender tea, sure he would rather drink a cup of literal vomit than tea but he was desperate to sleep soundly for once. Hell, he could even sleep in jeans if we wanted to.

Adam practically throws himself on the couch, immediately going to sleep as soon as his cheek hits the pillow. He dreams of nothing but a void of darkness, as others do, but in that void he sees a familiar face in it, carrying a beautiful light with it. As the light came closer, it transformed into something Adam can only described as beauty.

He wasn't sure who it was tho, he's seen many women in his life, but he couldn't poke out who it was, only little things.The way she laughed, felt like small bubbles popping in his head. and her teeth coming from her smile, like beams of light, peaking through clusters and clusters of trees. And her eyes, oh her gorgeous eyes, like two pearls shining against the sunlight. Whoever it was, was truly gorgeous. But who was it?

Lilith?

Eve?

Lute?

No, it can’t be

You just met her..

Y/n? ♡

#Spotify #hazbin hotel #adam hazbin x reader #Adam x reader #viziepop #idk #hazbin hotel adam #lol #x reader #Fanfic #adam hazbin hotel #jellywrites #dividers by dolly

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danandphilplay · 2 months

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im going to put my answers below bc i know some of these vids are likely not returning to dnp and i do agree with that i just wanted to do a fun poll abt if you could have another of these vids then which would you choose. ofc like ive said before we have no control over dnp uploads and i fully know some of these won’t come back lol

ok first of all i don’t think pinof is coming back and i think that’s been clear for ages anyways like ten is a nice number to leave it. HOWEVER i do think an april fools dapc pinof would be hilarious. answering crafties questions and whatever they send to craft universe dnp.

same with amazingdan BUT maybe there’s a slight chance of reacting to amazingdan. maybe not since so much time has already passed since pinof reactions (four months …..) honestly out of the options i’m not that bothered about pinof or amazingdan i feel like they’re classic dnp content that’s fine left as it is

ok for the pizza mukbang thing i don’t care for it to be a mukbang video lol like the actual thing was the nice sit down talk vibes pyjama pizza w friends maybe this is exactly what dan means abt being parasocial 😭 but that video is nice so i don’t think the actual mukbang part of it is that important it’s more the sit down talk style vid

i think i would do anything for another day in the life but i feel like it is prob peak parasocial content. would it count as phouse tour probably. do i think there will be a phouse tour no bc it sounds like it is still having a lot of work done 😭 and i honestly don’t really care abt it… i think the sims renovation was fun and an insight into their interior design opinions lol and that is enough for me

i put it takes two bc a lot of people want to see the next bit i like the game but not rly enough. idk it’s been awhile since that first vid and in terms of other games and things from dnp i don’t rly mind about it takes two being ignored 😭

i know baking is not a discontinued thing anymore bc HALLOWEEN but BUT i really believed easter baking would be a thing 💔 dapc had so much put into it that i kind of forgot about wanting a baking vid but 💔 i can’t lie i think i got set on the expectation for it. like the baking vids have always been absolute classic staple dnp content but definitely the cinnamon roll one was like the baking vids to the extreme… the full potential AND THE BAKE WAS GOOD TOO. the vid was also pretty popular. so my expectations for easter were a bit high. ok so if this poll is like magically summon a dnp vid 🪄 maybe id consider baking because i just love it so much like irl as a hobby but also then dnp doing one of my fav things too and it being so fun idk it’s some of the best dnp content imo. i would love them to try a series of making food from videogames but no offence to them i don’t get the vibe that they cook a lot…… so i think it might not happen. but dil is turning TEN in september so maybe dnp special dil birthday cake baking vid 💔 pleaese pleasemaybe

i think tumblr tag is totally plausible although ik the april fools tumblr tag thing 💔 bc the twitter vid happened i think they’ll do a tumblr one at some point. there’s so much amazing art on here not just fanart but written stuff video and photo edits so i’d want them to see all of that as well as the funny stuff. this isn’t like top of my list of things i’d want to see but it’s definitely one of the more plausible things

dapc behind the scenes content its either happening or it will never be spoken of

honestly idk if they would do reactions to the super amazing project. bc like what vids would they choose. maybe i can see them referencing it or discussing it if someone asked or in a live but idk about reaction vids.

ok draw my life would be fun and i’d watch them. i’d watch an updated dil draw my life too. they put so much effort into that dil draw my life. maybe an updated one for dil’s 10th birthday will happen? that would be pretty fun.

i think if i had to choose it would be a ditl vid. top 3 would be ditl, mukbang or literally just any sit down talk vid, and another baking video. ditl may literally just be bc of nostalgia i don’t really see it happening again but who knows. again just a poll about which vid you’d want to see if you could magic up a dnp vid i definitely know some of these aren’t coming back or very unlikely to

#dan howell #amazingphil #dan and phil #dan and phil games #dapg #dan and phil poll

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orange-orchard-system · 5 months

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Disclaimer before I begin that this isn't me accusing anyone of purposefully being ignorant or anything, I think it's just something that doesn't occur to people, but... I find it interesting that so many surveys or polls that include some kind of "Are you intersex?" question don't have a "How should I know?" option

Sex as a binary is based upon a lot of different factors, from hormones to chromosomes to secondary sex characteristics to more. For some of those things, people might not know if they don't fit perisex standards for their assigned sex! It's not like testing for, say, chromosomes happens often – and I've heard plenty of horror stories from intersex people whose family and doctors deliberately kept the fact that they were/are intersex a secret from them. Simply put, a person can go all of their life assuming they're perisex while actually being intersex simply due to a lack of information or lack of testing. It's no different than a trans person assuming they're cisgender, or a gay person assuming they're straight – it's all assumptions based upon the standard that everyone is expected to fit. It's just that finding out if you're intersex is a different process (one that, relevantly, can be blocked or made more difficult by bigoted doctors who aren't interested in helping their patients discover the truth).

And yet, while I see "questioning/don't know" options for other queer groups increasingly often, it doesn't happen very often for questions about being intersex. Again, not everyone who is intersex knows that they're intersex; not everyone answering your question knows if they're intersex or not. We need more options for people who don't know – and on a similar note, we need more general acceptance that being intersex is something people may not know about themselves. Being perisex should not be seen as the default that everyone fits until proven otherwise; it should just be something that someone can find out about themselves. If anything, "I don't know (yet) if I'm intersex or perisex" should be more commonplace!

But I think this post is getting away from me. My point is that it sure feels weird to see "Are you intersex?" questions on surveys and polls with no "idk" option compared to all the "I'm questioning" options for other queer identities. Like idk maybe at least give a "I'm waiting to get my test results back" option, especially if it's a mandatory question. Cut people who don't know yet some slack

#intersex #front soup.txt #queer

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electrosquash · 1 year

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This may sound stupid but how do I turn off blazeable on my blogs?

And how is this bad? Again, I don't wanna sound stupid or rude. Thank you for the heads up :]

Hi! No worries, you're not the only one with these questions.

On how to turn off the option to get blazed:

On desktop you can turn it off at this link: https://www.tumblr.com/settings/blog/#blaze It looks something like this

On mobile it's in the account settings menu, there's a lof of screenshots in the additions to my other post like here (i haven't updated since i got a funny little bug that lets me add polls in reblogs of other people's posts so i can't screenshot anything).

Alternatively you can also log into Tumblr in your phone's browser and use the link above there. Don't forget to do it on sideblogs that you don't want to get blazed as well! You can also change the settings per-post in the post menu. I've actually enabled it for my complaint post that's circulating because it would be really funny :D

On how it is bad:

With the way it is set up, people can blaze your posts without active consent. This can be used to bully people, by digging out old or not-adapted posts that were not meant for a wider audience and putting them on blast. This can include vent posts, opinions you might have changed since then, selfies, niche things many people might think are cringe (like 2014 self-insert omegaverse fanfics and the likes ... idk if you've seen the drama that resulted from someone blazing their fic, it wasn't pretty), posts that were only meant to circulate in your carefully curated audience, and more.

Since Blaze's are registered in many minds as advertisement many people will react negatively to them so this opens up a way to bully a lot of people. As usual, people of colour, trans people, and other vulnerable groups will get the worst of it, many are already getting deactivated regularly because of coordinated reporting harassment and since people donate hate organizations all the time they will definitely use the option to make the life of a person they're targeting living hell for 10$.

Staff thought of some safeguards but there are several fallacies:

The option to cancel a blaze before it goes live: Not everyone has access to the internet every day, and staff might accept the blaze while you're asleep / at work / on a trip / in the hospital / on hiatus. Then when you're coming back to tumblr your notes will have turned into a nightmare.

The guarantee that staff will check every Blaze manually to prevent harassment: Let's take the case in which someone's old fic get blazed against their will. How can staff know whether it was blazed with friendly intent (to promote a friend's work) or ill intent (to get people to point and laugh)? They can't as long as it's not against the Terms of Service. In general there will be many false positives (Blazes that get rejected by staff despite being innocent) and false negatives (Blazes that get accepted by staff despite being malicious). After all, the people working at tumblr are only human too. But in this case, false negatives will have devastating consequences - and extinguishing a blaze after it's live will be too late.

Many people don't follow @staff, so many people don't know about this change. In fact many people on that other post commented that they didn't know what Blazes are at all! I think i've read that they will add a login banner to tell you and check your settings, but iirc they had banners like that for the original Blaze function announcement so i don't have faith this will prevent anything.

I should clarify that i don't think the feature itself is bad at all, but it should be opt-in so only people who want to participate get blazed (e.g. art blogs). Or add an active mandatory confirmation by OP instead of a veto option, this would prevent the issues above as well, i think that would be the best option - that way people could leave the option on. I know staff are currently getting bombarded with support requests / flames (please be civil to them guys!) (also sorry. but not sorry. i didn't expect my post to blow up but also i think these are legitimately troubling concerns and i won't make the other post unrebloggable). They're aware of these issues so i hope they will change to one of these options - if they add active mandatory confirmation by OP i would enable to option globally as well (Hint hint this means more money for you, @tumblr, because otherwise many people have and will turn this feature off completely) A bit more time between announcement and go-live (4/20 iirc) would have been helpful as well.

Here's the original announcement by the way:

And since i'm gonna pin the post as long as the other post is circulating: Listen to goatbed guys!

#long post #tumblr #ok to rb

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xx-j4nu5-c4t5-xx · 1 month

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Alright the poll was up for like two hours and five of you wanted the Tybalt dream have fun

I might need to put content warnings in here? There's a few mentions of death and blood but nothing in like excessively graphic detail. I'll put them in anyway just for good measure but know that they're not that bad.

TW: Mentions of blood and death

Y'all ready for this?

Okay, so I'm in my high school (again, for some reason)(I'm actually me this time, btw) and it's actively flooding via the fountain in the courtyard. Everyone's panicking. Pope Francis is there for some reason but he only shows up once and doesn't do anything so whatever. I run out of the side of the building that's further underwater (because apparently my school is lopsided as hell in this dream) and start bailing out the floodwater with a bucket. Really efficient.

I hear a voice yell something like "hey!" or whatever so I turn around and. Tybalt Capp. From the hit 2004 game Sims 2 for PC. Great.

Instead of asking me what's going on like I expected him to (because he was just running around panicking like everyone else a second ago) he just says, "Whose blood is that?"

At some point in the ordeal, I had scraped my leg or something. It was bad enough to be bleeding, but it wasn't really bad enough to be important. We had bigger fish to fry, at the time.

I try to explain what's going on and before I can even start he just snaps and starts shouting shit like, "YOU KILLED HER!"

And, naturally, I respond by going "TYBALT WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT" and trying to explain again.

But he won't stop screaming. "YOU KILLED HER!" "YOU KILLED THAT LITTLE GIRL!" I'm begging him to stop, begging him to tell me who the little girl is, but he's fucking insane. He isn't screaming like it's some news story he heard about, he's screaming like he's been fucking hunting me down for vengeance for the last ten years. Hell, he's screaming like the girl is right there in my arms or something.

(Quick aside here, if I might: Does Tybalt even have any lore relevant little girls in his life? I've never played Veronaville and it's been a hot minute since I read the original play so I'm not really sure. He's Juliet's cousin, I think, but she's definitely a teenager in both versions. Not really the type I'd refer to as a little girl. Who the hell is he even talking about???)

Anyway, I don't really know why but I got a little crazy myself and freaked the fuck out. Frustration from being talked over and survival instinct willed me to just start grabbing things and throwing them at him. I snatched an apple out of the blood-streaked floodwaters and flung it at his head so hard it made this diabolical CRACK! as it hit him square in the eye. Even in the dream I was taken aback, like jesus christ dude what was that for he didn't really deserve a concussion for freaking out good god almighty what's worng with me

Eventually we were running down a stairwell, and either he was chasing me or I was chasing him. It makes more sense if I'm chasing him, because he was in front of me on the stairs, but idk. What was I chasing him for? Whatever. He reaches the landing and just... stops. Right there. Dead in his tracks.

Mind you, we were CHASING each other. Throwing ourselves around the corners and practically jumping down the steps two or three at a time. And all of a sudden, he hits the bottom and freezes. I catch up to him and what's he looking at?

There's a body in the stairwell.

An entire human skeleton. It looks like it's been there for years. Shit's practically fossilized; I thought it was a Halloween decoration. But he's just staring at it, wide eyed, like he's trying to identify who it is. Who it was. There's still sounds of rushing water and screaming above us. The water's going to bust the doors and come crashing down on us any second.

But he won't move. Neither will I.

I turn to face him, and he's absolutely stunned. Mouth agape, eyes wide, still locked on the skeleton. He was so gobsmacked it woke me up.

Here's an artistic recreation. I woke up with this image frozen in my mind.

Why do I always leave these dream worlds worse than I found them? I possessed some guy and made him have a sexuality crisis last time and now I've fucking traumatized Tybalt Capp what is happening to me

Anyway uh if anyone knows how to make that shit stop happening or at least make it nicer when my little guys show up in my dreams can you tell me? I don't know if I'm gonna handle it well if next time one of the ones I really like shows up and I'm forced to break their legs or something horrific like that

#sims 2 premades #sims 2 #tybalt capp #dreams #nightmare #what the fuck

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pebiejeebies · 6 months

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erm urm I did smth again

idk, ever since I started watching md I suddenly got TWO things:

one is an odd robotkin feeling which iver been delaying for a while cause I’m still tryna figure out if I’m demonkin and ragathakin lmfao

two: THE SUDDEN URGE TO DRAW ROBOTS IN A VERY ODDLY NICE WAY THAT STILL KEEPS SHOCKING ME TO THIS POINT

(Trad sketch + digital flat colors)

Sorta wonky, I think I’m getting the hang of this tho!

Instead of making her a Murder drone I just make her a Worker one!!

Plus she’s cuter that way :3c

I might make some cool shading later but here you go!!!

will put lore later, once (and if) I make a murder drone oc

I need names for this liddol gorl and I AM TEMPTED TO MAKE A POLL

okay nobody can stop me anyways soooooooo

this isn’t an excuse to make a poll

I think

SHHFGJEHJV

If y’all like this liddol gorl then uh i might post some lore abt her :]

#murder drones #md #murder drones oc #worker drone #worker drone oc #oc #original character #poll #polls #md polls #md poll #murder drones polls

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retirement-home-rumble · 10 months

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just caught up on this tournament and I do want to say that you definitely are biased towards that one tie bc you reblogged the post multiple times saying you wanted a tie; so it’s not just tagging it “in this house we love tiesweeps” that makes people think you’re biased. also people saying “it’s not that serious, it’s just a tumblr bracket” goes both ways - like if it’s not that serious and we’re all just having fun then why should anyone care that the votes actually say it should NOT be a tie? like, weren’t you pretty “seriously” invested in this specific poll being a tie, enough to make an exception to the existing rule?

at the same time it literally would have been at most two votes that decided it (sorry to the other anon but their math was wrong). only 968 or 969 out of 1896 would show up as 51.1%. and while I am not in favor of tiesweeping it personally, it is your poll and you should do what you want & what makes you happy. but if you have thousands of people voting in these polls then you have to expect that a decent number of them might be upset if you do make that choice rather than following the rules.

I mean as to your first point, I reblog all propaganda I see, no matter what side it's for. Sure I miss some, but I try my best to get all of them. So along that same vein, if a post gets a lot of propaganda, of course I'm gonna be reblogging it a lot. It just so happened that most of the propaganda that one was getting was for a tie. If there had been tons of people reblogging it with anti tie propaganda, then I would have been reblogging that just as much.

Also, as to me saying I wanted it to tie: I have literally stated that I want as many polls to tie as we can. I also reblog all polls that are close to a tie when it's down to the last few hours, just to give people the chance to tie it if they want.

So combine those two points together, and it just happened to be that after I reblogged that post with the last call for a tie, that it got reblogged a lot by others. So of course I would then reblog their propaganda. And since it's been stated that I'm biased towards all ties, I don't think it's exactly fair to say I was biased specifically towards this one tie. Like if any others were close enough, I would have been just as invested.

Idk. I guess I just don't get people acting like I'm not allowed to be invested in and have fun rooting in my own tournament? When I make it perfectly clear that I love ties, maybe don't act surprised when I get excited about a potential tie?

Even then, I wouldn't have even said anything if it wasn't, as admitted by you, decided by less than 2 votes. I understand that some people could be upset by this, but it was a weird situation and it's impossible to please everyone.

I put out that second poll to try to make it as fair as possible. I've also been trying to share both sides of this (posting asks with people explaining their opinions about it and reblogging the propaganda against the tie) so that everyone can make their own choice. Yes I said I personally would like them to tie, but I didn't force anyone to vote. Everyone has their own agency here. I said I would honor the results of that poll, and people have voted for them to be allowed to tie.

Anyway, sorry for the long rambling answer. This whole situation has just been a bit exhausting and I really don't want to lose interest in this blog because, before this, I was having the most fun I'd had in forever. I felt like I actually had a purpose.

#retirement responses

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cookinguptales · 12 days

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just some me thoughts. up and down but mostly hopeful, I think. might delete later, who knows. I think writing these things down sometimes is productive for me, but leaving them up might not always be best. lmao

(cw: mental illness, discussion of suicidal ideation, etc.)

I have struggled with MDD for... most of my life, I'd say. I had "child-friendly" suicidal ideation when I was maybe 6-7 years old, where I'd imagine just kind of floating away in a bubble and never coming back, but it had graduated to full-fledged suicidal ideation by like. idk, maybe 9? I remember a school counselor asking me if I ever thought about wanting to die and I was like "well, no more than everyone else does" and she was like. hmm!

(I have since learned that was not the correct answer lmao)

I struggled a lot more when I got older and the symptoms of my chronic illnesses worsened, and there was a lot of abuse at home, too. There was also some... I guess I'll call it CSA when I was a teen, but I don't think those chickens came home to roost until I was about a year into my degree and I had ~a breakdown~.

what happened, honestly, was that I'd barely been able to juggle my mental illness and my physical illness when I was at home being driven everywhere, but once I moved out for college and started walking everywhere, I completely lost control over my chronic illnesses. and then when that happened, my mental illness quickly followed.

(plus I was put on birth control for the first time in this period (to deal with what we'd later learn was endometriosis) and that did NOT play well with my brain.)

I won't... get into all the details, but I was on medical leave for a couple years and the depression got pretty bad. Some of the responses to that mental illness poll I've seen feel totally unrelatable to my own experiences, which makes me feel... idk, I guess sometimes I tell myself it wasn't that severe. But then other times I hear people talk about their experiences with depression and I'm like "oh... maybe mine was pretty severe..."

Part of it is that my depression and my chronic exhaustion often kind of mingle. Back then, I'd be too tired to get out of bed, so I just wouldn't. For days. And then I might go a day or two without eating, and that would make the chronic illness worse, so by the end I'd really just kinda be sleeping and crying and Still Not Eating for a few days at a time. Maybe some crackers. I ate a lot of ramen and bed crackers.

In some respects, I think I was actually lucky...? I thought about dying constantly, but I was so exhausted that there was no way I was ever going to do anything, even that. My POTS was wildly uncared for at this point, so I'd just kind of slip in and out of consciousness sometimes. I got bedsores a few times.

I did eventually get back to school and I kind of got my head together, but it was definitely a struggle, made worse by my school's deeply ableist policies. I was a nervous wreck in college, if I'm being honest with myself. I cried a lot.

My PMDD ended up getting pretty severe, too. I had some very close calls. I struggled a lot with the hormonal medications I was put on to treat the PMDD and the endometriosis because often I'd do better for a while (once my periods stopped) but then I'd start bleeding nonstop or my brain would go bonkers or something. It felt like every hormonal medication I took was a ticking time bomb. It'd make me better before it then made me much, much worse. And there was really no way to predict when it would happen.

Honestly, after having suicidal ideation be the cosmic background radiation of my life for decades, anxiety was uh. I mean, I didn't enjoy it, but I always kind of felt like I was gonna throw up and pass out anyway, so really all it added was agoraphobia and some panic attacks. Anxiety was always pretty manageable for me compared to everything else. The depression was always more dangerous. I'd lose literal weeks that I wouldn't even remember later when the depression got bad. I would just kinda. Stop leaving my apartment. For weeks. Even months, a few times.

(There is a reason I get myself Little Treats a lot, and it's mostly because it's a way to force myself to leave my house regularly. lmao. It's... a bribe, let's be real. Like "you can go get that iced coffee as long as you go get it," that kind of situation.)

The reason I'm talking about this isn't so much to wallow, though... Actually, I think I've been doing a lot better the past couple years. Going to California during the summer has been helpful (so I don't just have to sit alone in a house with all the windows covered for 3-4 months every year because I get so sick in hot, sunny weather) and I think the ketamine has been really, really helpful. It hasn't cured me, but it does often take the edge off both the pain and the mental illness, and sometimes that's enough.

(Treatment-resistant depression is a biiiitch.)

I think getting diagnosed with PMDD has been helpful, too. It helps me to be a little more pragmatic about things, and has helped me to kind of see those voices as something outside myself. Now when I am... really, really struggling with feelings of worthlessness and feeling like... idk, like I'm a burden, like I need to die, etc. I can say like

well okay but you're also having cramps and your shoulder is dislocated so I think I know what's going on here lmao.

I'm not fixed, by any means, but I do feel like I have more tools to deal with it...? When my brain is getting very loud, I can be like. well, okay, auntie flo is being a real bitch to me this month, but I'll just move my ketamine treatment up a day and that should help.

So I feel less powerless, and I do think that's been very helpful. Having action steps and being able to look at my negative self-talk as my illness talking and not my actual self has been helpful. I can kind of frame it as being bullied rather than justifiably hating myself.

I do still struggle with a lot of self-worth issues outside of the chemical kind, but I think that forcing myself to unlearn a lot of internalized homophobia, fatphobia, ableism, etc. has helped to take the edge off of that, too. It's always been very difficult to imagine myself being loved, but I'm practicing. haha. It's a skill to master like any other.

I think what really prompted this, though, was remembering how bad I was 15 years ago. Like... having to cut all my hair off because it got so matted... It was so short for a while... And now I look at myself and like. I'm far from perfect, but I have long hair again. I own a little house. I take care of a cat. I have friends. I just finished writing a book.

I never could have finished something like this back then. I couldn't even feed myself.

So while some days I feel like I haven't progressed at all, I can hold up those accomplishments and be like. Okay, so your house is a mess. You get behind on work sometimes. Maybe you're self-conscious about this book.

But you have the house. You have the job. You have the manuscript.

You can't compare everything that you are to the perfect idealized version of you. That person doesn't exist. Maybe you should compare yourself to what you were fifteen years ago. That person doesn't exist anymore, either, but she used to.

So... I guess tonight maybe I'm doing that. Forcing myself to think about how close I was to death while still living, and to at least give myself kudos for growing enormously from there.

I still don't always feel like I'm living up to my full potential, but I am living. Which is a lot better than the sort of half-death I existed in back then.

Severe depression is... a lot. It's so hard. So many days I wake up and I just lie there for a long, long time. But... I do get out of bed eventually. And I did eat a few meals today. And I did divide this book into chapters.

idk. It's a journey. It's one that was almost cut short many years ago, but somehow despite it all I'm still here. And still walking. Maybe I'll get better than I am now. Maybe I won't. Maybe the idealized me will never exist.

But I won't let the other me exist again, either, and I suppose tonight that's good enough.

#vent post #cw:#mental illness #depression #pmdd

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thedawningofthehour · 7 months

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Hi!! Yes, hello, I cried again, thank you for that. Even though you said we „shouldn’t expect too much“, my heart is still very much cracked haha

ANYWAY, since the guessing game is still on, I was thinking a lot during this chapter. My guess is, either Raph has a really stupid idea that he‘s thinking through right now and that‘s why he‘s been so quiet OR smth happens to the Hueso place and he like sacrifices himself to get his family to escape like idk maybe EPF or smth knocks at the door and he holds them off

And so I was wondering if you could tell us when this stupid thing is gonna happen, I have a feeling it might be like the book 2 finale or somewhere close to that??

ALSO, I was wondering how you organise your chapters and the plot you write about. Do you have like a pinboard and put the NYC map on it and connect the dots with red yarn? (Detective style) or do you use some program or are just…weird and memorise it all?

Maybe he hasn't actually had the stupid idea yet, but he's definitely ruminating on everything that eventually compels him to make that decision.

The stupid thing will be a direct consequence of the final climax, so it'll be coming up here soon. I'm going to put up a poll probably after the next chapter.

I'm giddy that we're getting there, honestly. There's a foreshadow I put in literally in the single-digit chapters of Book 1 and when I wrote that I couldn't imagine actually getting to that point. I always feel like I'm going to die or something before I finish stuff, like, I was shocked when I finished doth.

Oh my goooood I am so terrible about plotting and outlines and stuff. I always, always feel like I'm in elementary school filling out a worksheet. I am basically this guy

except there is no paper because I haven't written anything down I'm just sleep deprived and rambling and smoking copious amounts of weed. (I have never smoked weed)

I know generally how the plots go, and as chapters draw closer I start thinking more specifically about where parts should go and where they would fit best. The whole war kick-off thing, that originally was going to happen after the third reverse-kidnapping, (the mall with the mercenaries one) but Gale and Mikey were still having their library trips, and that just seemed like an...awkward thing to have hanging over them. And it just didn't have to be. I could have cut that arc short, delayed the third reverse-kidnapping until after after the library meetings were discovered, or I could push off the war. And the war didn't need to happen then-if anything, it complicated the other plot points that needed to happen. And I think it worked out for the better this way.

I'm not totally satisfied with this method though. When I was writing Book 1, I had probably about half the fic written before I started posting-it was all in one document, Donnie's scenes were all together and Leo's scenes were in some incomprehensible order and often unfinished because I wasn't expecting to post anything and would just stop when I felt like it, when I finally committed to putting it to order I think I had like eight documents open at one point and three different highlighter colors to denote what I'd done in the master document, it was an ORDEAL-but it meant that I could group scenes together based on what was most effective, move things around very easily. The fact that Leo and Donnie's chapters were pointedly not happening at the same time helped a lot too. In Book 2, I end up writing with two, maybe three chapters planned ahead in my brain, and I feel like that forces me to sometimes rely on short-term climaxes that add to the word count but don't really do much for the story overall, or put off certain things that I don't particularly feel like writing at the time or don't know would work there. Book 2 would probably be significantly shorter if I'd plotted it out the way I did Book 1.

...What were we talking about? Oh! I do actually have a map of NYC open pretty much constantly in my fic window, it probably shows when they were driving around last chapter that I was literally going along the border with my pointer finger. But I'm terrible and I don't write any of this shit down. I usually remember, but there have been occasions where I've completely forgotten what I was going to do, and I think it was chapter 32 where I had pretty much finished the rest of the chapter and then realized I'd forgotten the final Leo scene-which was a pretty major scene. So I guess...yeah, weird and memorize sounds correct, but I don't actually do it that well.

#if you can parse anything here bless you #i wasn't planning on typing this much so it's very much stream of consciousness #doth asks

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unionize-aromantically · 1 year

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I would love to make polls about card games, but I don't know how universal any card game nor any English names for most of the ones I play

card games of course being the games that use the standard deck of cards, with spades, clover, hearts and diamond and Ace, King, Queen, Jack and 10 to 2.

I'm talking about multiplayer games, not solitaire games.

an attempt of a list of card games:

idioten (the idiot). (you have 3 + 3 + 3 cards and want to get rid of your cards as fast as possible, rules vary a lot different places & families)

spardame (queen of spades). (kinda like hearts?).

vri åtte (twist eight). (kinda like Uno, but you switch color with eight)

Cames (this one sounds English idk, it's a place right?). (team game, try to get four identical cards, signal to your teammate and if they identify it you get a point)

hopp i havet (literally: jump into the ocean, English equivalent: Go Fish). (big pile of cards, try to get four identical cards by asking for a card you have, the one who is asked has to give it to you, if they don't have it you get a card from the ocean (big pile), the one who does that the most wins, requires 3+ people)

presidenten (the president). (I'm pretty sure this is originally from elsewhere and pretty popular, especially concidering Norway never has had a president)

edit: grisen (the pig). (you try to get four identical cards, everyone has 4 cards and a fifth one gets passed around, you signal when you have four identical and the last player to signal gets a letter (g - r - i - s), when you have all the letters you're out, 3+ players. the signal is grabbing the table with only the thumb visible)

edit: boble (bubble). (the pig except the signal is different, you blow air into your cheeks to make them big.)

edit: krig (war). (each player has equal amounts of cards, no cards remain. you can't look at them, you just turn them mindlessly and the one with the higher number wins those cards. if you have the same card you put down three cards with the backsides up, and you put down a fourth one frontside up showing the value, highest wins like before and if you win you win all 9 or 15 cards (1x or 2x doubles).)

edit: lyveren/jugeren/løgneren (the liar). (you put down cards with the backsides up, and you say what they are, people can try to call you out when you're bluffing/lying, you try to get rid of your cards). I know this one exists elsewhere because I've seen it, I don't, however, know it's English name.

edit: a site with some rules (in Norwegian, but you have translation tools)

you can reply or reblog this or send asks if you wanna be anonymous or whatever and tell me (1) if you've heard of any of these (and if so which one(s)!), and (2) about any card games that fit my definition that you play

I might make a poll, but won't here since I want to be able to edit this lol.

#card games #poll related #< potentially #1000symmetry.txt #not reblogged #ink.post #look at later

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bvannn · 3 months

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Weekly Update March 8, 2024

I didn’t do as much as I had hoped over spring break due to still being sleep deprived, but tomorrow and the next night I should be able to catch up. I’m making a good deal of progress on stuff.

I figured out animation with Clip Studio enough to make a little gif of Romeo playing piano, to go along with his theme. I’m really happy with how it came out. That’s the biggest song I have ready, but I’m really close on another (unless I decide to get more ambitious, which I might), and I do have a smaller one scheduled to go up Tuesday. I’m feeling surprisingly good about music.

The main problem I’m having is kind of a ‘just finish it’ thing, where I’m just not motivated to go record melodies or melody parts for whatever reason. That’s what’s holding back a couple pieces now, but I’m hoping that I can do some tonight or tomorrow. I’m thinking tonight because I got hit with inspiration for another character theme melody, and I don’t want to lose it while I sleep tonight, but I’d feel bad starting in that when another character theme and some other miscellaneous pieces are also awaiting melodies and recordings. I’d like to knock a whole bunch out tonight, because theoretically they shouldn’t be that bad, the annoying part is dressing them up for use which doesn’t need to be done tonight. Im not sure if I want to tonight because I also want to draw, at a minimum I’ll record that character theme melody.

The other big music thing is a vocaloid cover of a song that I’m using to test out how vocaloid works. I got the audio back from the friend with the voicebanks, and it sounds a lot better than expected! There’s a couple things I do want to tweak, but I don’t think I’d be able to do it from within the program, it’ll probably be more me fiddling with the wav file. Idk song is going surprisingly well, shouldn’t be very complicated to round up instruments, I already got all the plugins set up it’s just a matter of recording. I’ve also managed to find a guy in my area who offers Guitar lessons for cheap, which I’ve been taking and I do think the two I’ve been to are helping. Maybe if I get really brazen I can record organic guitar instead of using a vst, since it should be mostly or entirely power chords, but it’s not the end of the world if I can’t.

I do want to figure out visuals to go with it. I was a little hesitant to really put in a big effort with it, until I heard that buying a license for cover rights is ‘not actually that expensive’. I don’t know if that means 10 or 200 bucks but worst case I can hold onto it until I’m comfortable enough to drop money if it’s really that expensive. I’d like to do a simple music video with the vocaloid character, since the original song’s video is also really simple, although I need to figure out character design. Might throw a few together and put up a poll.

I’ve been trying to get more drawing stuff done too, some miscellaneous animations mostly. I’m really trying to push myself to finish up the timings I need for my commission sheet, and honestly I’m pretty close. I feel bad because I probably will have to increase prices after all, but I’m also offering other options, which can still be cheap. I’m trying not to undercut myself for my level of work, but art commissions are so expensive that I don’t want to be overcharging either. Most of the comms I have done have come with tips, so I guess people are willing to pay a bit more than I was charging anyway, but even then I don’t want to crank the prices high just because a few people are willing to pay more. I’m charging based on time, I just need to sort out how long things take.

Final point, comic writing/thumbnailing is going well, I’m at 25.5/32. Unsure how bad editing is going to be, but I’m kinda editing as I go along so I don’t anticipate it’ll be that bad. I’m expecting to be able to actually start making pages soon. What comes next could either be a continuation or a pitch for the other story. I get more questions about the other story, so I’m tempted, but I also feel like it’s a harder sell than the first. Whatever I need to finish the first one first, and that’s what I’ll do.

I’m still messed up on sleep and flareups are also picking up pretty bad, but only in the mornings, so I bet if I get more sleep they’ll go away too. Either way I do have a consult for the next surgery to deal with that in a couple months, so I should hopefully be okay. Plan tonight is to either draw some more or record some stuff

#weekly update

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roseworth · 11 months

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People in the tags of that poll are way too into the whole "the dc universe revolves around Tim" nonsense but I put it to you that actually without Tim very little would change, sure batman might die for a short time but he'd come back like everyone in dc does

YEAH! in fairness i do think there would be a significant change in some characters without tim but people will really say things like "the batfamily wouldnt exist without him :(" and???? i just dont understand that argument at all. like idk if we're thinking in-universe or irl but either way ?? in-universe everyones gonna be there with or without him, and irl if dc wanted the bats/people operating in gotham all together it would've happened even if there was no tim. AND someone else (i forgor who said it im sorry) pointed out that if there was no tim then lonnie would've become robin, and the niche of the Third Robin would've been filled either way so most things that require tims presence would just be lonnie instead

#im trying not to take it too seriously bc. obviously the results of this poll dont matter #its not like we're actually gonna go back in time to get rid of someone #but jesus. other peoples opinions annoy me #saying 'you cant pick tim because then the whole world will blow up!!!' well now im gonna pick tim even harder

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enchanted-lightning-aes · 1 year

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in regards to this poll, sksk, i am sorry for teh lack of follow-up for this. i got busy with uni and all that jazz.

safe to say, i wish i was surprised with the winning option but i'm not. but some ppl reblogged it with tags that have points that somewhat opposes the winner. i guess ppl can check it out in the notes.

as in, yeah, it's valid to want feedback. but what if most readers don't have time for that? and i think most ppl *would* reblog writing pieces if they didn't have this pressure to say something. but a reblog with no feedback is sorta better than the reader not interacting with it in anyway at all. just saying.

and the reasons i didn't add 'i hate it' is because. . . i felt it would have sounded too whinny. i mean if the reblogger is already interacting with the post, imo, it isn't a problem. i know i picked the least picked options, lmao.

i guess this is one of those controversional topics thta can't be simply solved. idk, i know i'm in the 'wait a while to send feedback' and 'as long as it's boosted, i don't mind' lane.

but as someone, who's been inactive, i try to reblog and send feedback whenever. but sometimes, i don't have the energy and just hit the rb button, regardless. i feel like that's majority of the users on writeblr. well, those who read and rb stuff, anyway. the rest. . . idk. needless to say, it feels like ppl get more busy and they don't get chances to reblog and put feedback as well. so, they choose to boost the post.

no offense, i feel like the posts that say 'reblog and leave feedback' tend to not acknowledge how ppl might not have energy or spoons to put a comment in the rb. or they have a complicated schedule. there are probably many reasons why ppl just lurk, like the post, and never rb it. maybe they're just. . . busy. i know this is a controversal-ish statement but yeh.

don't get me wrong as a writer, i do appreciate it whenever i get a comment. but as someone who's also a reader, it can be a bit of a hassle to leave any. like, i posted a lot of writing pieces but i have followers that are more than that. and my safest assumption, 99% of the time, it has low notes is because they barely have time to read it. or i post it in hours they can't see it. either way, i mostly stopped worrying bc i don't mind. i get it and accepted it, eventually.

and lbr, i'm sure most of us writers, who are also readers, barely tend to reblog other's works bc we're busy. it's a sad thing to admit but it's a fact.

that's my over-all input, anyways. *shrugs*

#enchant rambles #writeblr #writeblr community #writers on tumblr

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hell-heron · 9 months

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I’ve been thinking about your Theon-takes-Bran-and/or-Rickon to Alannys more than I probably should and I’m dangerously curious to know how you think his family members (particularly Alannys) would feel in such a situation. Of course, if you’re actually making this a fanfic, you don’t have to answer to this. If you want to daydream in public though…

ooooh glad to have inflicted Thoughts <3

I also am lol and I do not think I would ever be able to make it a fanfic so glad for the opportunity to daydream in public - I anyhow was going to make a post to address all you guys' reply lol. So lets make a little list of thoughts

A lot of my canon divergence fantasies for Theon are victory fantasies, as point-missing as that is, fantasies where he's succesful and loved lol. So the majority of the ironborn including Harlaws and Greyjoys are positively surprised and delighted with this incredibly wild success story. I feel like they would be, it is objectively politically expedient and militarly impressive. Particularly the Harlaws even would be glad as it puts them in a position to negotiate a land concession from the North rather than whatever Balon's plan was... but overall it's just A Win For Theon, politically. May or may not start to feel a little hollow when the morality of what he did catches up to him

Some drawbacks: he may be under lots of pressure to kill one of them given he has two, which he would definitely need to spin this giving-one-to-Alannys-as-spoils-of-war carefully to avoid. Can he? Canon Theon is not this master manipulator lol but they are his hostages. There may be more physical fighting in the battle planning room lol but he's keeping them. Another is that this really seals his claim I feel - it may not be enough for Balon to officially claim him as heir but he would imho win the kingsmoot and he would be at strong risk of being killed by Euron.

This means Asha is just... physically emitting steam all through this. Is she able to swallow her pride and offer him an alliance the way she does with Victarion? Good question. It's more humiliating and personal. He comes and he wins what she's been working on all these years and he dazzles mom when she's been the one bearing that grief and emotional difficulty all these years... this girl is SNAPPING. Interestingly, something Theon probably is not quite able to grasp is that the Harlaws are Asha's supporters and so in this universe he gave her an advantage through giving them a hostage. Could be a fun fic by people who can plot.

An interlude to say I genuinely didnt vote anything in that poll bc I genuinely have no preference/opinion. The nature of Bran's disability is such I don't know which of the two Theon would think is the strongest political threat to keep closer, and the nature of Pyke is that idk whether Theon would think Harlaw or Pyke is the safer place. I also can be convinced by both arguments on which is the most interesting - I liked alley and wexpyke's arguments for Rickon, that he's more mouldable (the idea of Alannys starting to call him Rodrik :///) and unlikely to reveal unpleasant truths (lmao alley I am not picturing Bran telling Alannys about Theon's warcrimes and banging Kyra in Ned's bed. Though probably the worst thing he could reveal in Theon's eyes is how genuinely he was friends with Robb). On the other hand I am sensitive to your argument of Bran being specifically Cat's favorite (and Cat is still alive and might well live, too) and I had considered already the fact he's almost 10 too. Plus cola-fiend gave me the image of him being cooped up in Rodrik's library potentially finding out about important prophecy stuff and ahhhh love it. Though I would also love for him to potentially interact with Euron. I also loved the idea of the hostage being Beth after the noose thing - maybe a version where instead of all this plot happening, he decides to go home when Asha tells him lol. But it's a darker different idea

Now, Alannys's Opinion. Eeeeh good question. It is something I struggle a bit to imagine. I mean how mentally present is she, how much she's able to find out about how Theon's hostage situation went before he leaves for some other war crimes... But overall I imagine for her too it grows hollow. For one thing she would start missing Theon and feeling bitter about this replacement and taking it out on the boy in question I think - it is unavoidable that he can only really stay with her a little while. I think she would be hungry for stories about Theon's years that she missed but get upset about them and not believe them often. I think with Rickon she may genuinely throw herself into raising him whenever she has the lucidity for it and liking how fierce he is and forget she's not actually her little pet project she can send to raid on the Stony Shore in 10 years. Overall the fact these kids are probably getting traded back soon-ish would be hard for her to deal both in term of attachment and of revenge. I think with Bran there's a degree to which she would enjoy to make him her little page boy and have him read to her and like hold her yarn or whatever it is she's able to do to spend her time but find she doesn't really feel satisfaction in it, Theon is weird and cagey about this feelings about having been subservient to the Starks so she doesn't really now how much of this is payback and Bran is sweet and mellow and serious and does not give satisfaction at all. I can see her too both having episodes of calling them Rodrik or Maron or mistaking them for her previous wards and (esp with Bran) or thinking she had a child post-rebellion and somehow forgot. Just very weird for everyone

#op

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