#i mean like why am i fucking living with all of this when i could die or something

[hanjisungs-bigtittyg0thgf]

Can I please a smut with dom siren!seonghwa?

I love the concept of a siren with him,

And I mean like the mermaid type of siren.

Thank you!!

Mommy

siren!hwa x fem reader

Trigger warnings: none that i can think of!

Content warnings: names (baby, my love, angel, mommy sorry not sorry he’s so mother), choking, oral (f receiving), very mild breeding kink, hwa uses his powers for sex good idk i just liked the idea lmao

Summary: your boyfriend just wants to reward you

Word count: 4.3k

A/N: bestie i’m so sorry this took so long but oooooh lord. anyways. two in a little over one week after being on hiatus? not too shabby. also decided to try something a little different with the pov so lmk what you all think! enjoy my loves! 🥰

Tags: @bahng-chrizz @foxinnie8

Smut below the cut

I let out a soft sigh as I curled up in my chair, looking out over the water. Sitting with my knees to my chest, I sipped my tea from my favorite mug as I watched the sunset. I’d inherited my brother’s beach house, which was settled in a quaint coastal town, a few months ago and had finally gotten settled into a routine. Every evening, I’d sit on my private dock and watch the sky turn shades of orange and pink before heading inside once the moon graced me with her beauty.

After a short while, I saw the very end of a tail pop out of the water before quickly dipping back below the surface. I smiled softly and stood, placing my tea on the table. I’d always loved watching the fishes and wanted to get a closer look. I’d never seen one with such a large tail in this area. How big could this thing be?

I walked to the edge of the dock and stared out at the water, trying to spot the fish again when I saw a brief splash only a few yards away. Excited, I laid down on my stomach and dipped a hand into the water. It was coming towards me.

But what greeted me a moment later was not a massive fish. It was the face of a man. The most beautiful man I’d ever seen, in fact. And he was emerging from the water, his face mere inches from mine. His hair was slicked back and water droplets ran down face, eventually dripping from his nose and chin. His lips were full and his cheekbones were high. He had a strong brow and curious, sparkling eyes. He looked elegant. Princely. Soft.

Of course, I couldn’t help but let out a scream as I scrambled back. “What the fuck?!” I shouted as I jumped to my feet.

“Who are you?” He tilted his head as he reached for the edge of the dock.

“Who am I? Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m Seonghwa. I’ve seen you here before. Who are you? Where is the man who lives here?” My heart sank at his question and I frowned.

“I’m y/n. That man was my brother. He died and left me the house.” I said quietly, looking out at the horizon. “How did you know him?”

“He died?” The man, Seonghwa, looked alarmed as he started to hoist himself out of the water with wide eyes. “How? When? He said he’d come back.” He sounded frantic. Panicked.

“He was sick. It’s been about six months now.” I paused, crossing my arms over my chest. “But you didn’t answer my question. How did you know my brother?”

He paused when he was halfway out of the water and I noticed something shimmering on his body, a few inches below his belly button. “He was a friend. He saved me and in return I gave him company. We spent much time here on the dock.”

“He never mentioned that…” I said warily, backing away a few steps.

“I asked him to keep my existence a secret.”

“Why?”

“You remind me of him.” He suddenly changed the subject with a dazzling smile that left me breathless. Was my mind playing tricks on me or were his teeth just a bit too sharp to seem human? “He was just as guarded the first time we met. He saved me but then interrogated me for hours. I was a captive audience as I was injured but the conversation grew lighthearted once he was satisfied with my answers. He asked many questions. You do too.”

“It’s only natural to ask questions when a strange man emerges from the water and says he knew my late brother.” I rolled my eyes, fighting not to grin. The situation was bizarre not to laugh.

“You seem to have the same temperament as him too.” He hummed, seemingly deciding on something. “I can trust you then. But you have to keep my secret.” And with that, he jumped out of the water. I expected the secret to be that he was a local who went skinny dipping for shits and giggles but I stood in stunned silence when I saw a shimmering blue-green tail. The same tail I’d seen splash out of the water only a few minutes prior. He had fins on his forearms that I hadn’t noticed before and one running down his upper back that stopped halfway down his spine as well, all of them the same deep teal as his tail. His beauty was terrifying and would surely haunt me for a long while. Maybe even the rest of my life.

“Y-you…you- what the FUCK?!”

“Shh!” He brought a finger to his lips and I clamped my mouth shut, looking around to make sure none of my neighbors were outside. Their houses were quite a ways away since each house had a private dock with space for a mid-sized boat but I was certain I was loud enough to draw attention to myself. “You can’t tell anyone about this. They’ll hunt me down and torture me in the name of science.”

I nodded, dumbfounded as he transformed before my eyes. Within minutes, his tail was replaced with a pair of legs and he stood before me as any other human man.

And he was stark naked.

He was stunning. Slender, toned, and tan. His shoulders were a bit wider than his hips, which were narrow and led to a pair of long legs. my eyes trailed back up his legs, tempted to take in every part of his body, and I realized I was gawking.

I quickly looked away and cleared my throat awkwardly. “Um…would you like to come in? I still have some of my brother’s clothes, I’m sure something will fit.”

He nodded and started for my house, leaving me standing alone on the dock, dumbfounded by what was going on and admiring his ass. My big brother was friends with a fucking merman and never told me?! I rushed to catch up to him, grabbing my now-cold cup of tea as I chased after him. By the time I caught up, he was reaching for my door.

Once we were both inside, I turned towards him, once again forcing myself to make eye contact and not stare at his perfect body. “Just…wait here. I’ll be right back.” I instructed before scurrying off to one of the spare rooms where I kept my brother’s belongings.

“You changed things.” I heard him say and puffed out a sigh.

“Yeah. It was hard moving in and seeing all his things.” I explained, hearing his footsteps as he wandered around the living room. “I kept everything, I just put it all away.” I finally found the box of clothes and rummaged around until I found a pair of sweats and a loose tank top. I rejoined him and held out the clothes, looking anywhere but at him. “Here. Can I get you anything to drink?”

“I’m alright, thank you.” He smiled again as he reached for the clothes and my heart raced. Something about him was drawing me in. He was intoxicating. “You're much prettier than him.” He said after a few moments of staring at me, finally taking the clothes and making his way towards the bathroom to get dressed as if I hadn’t just seen every inch of him.

“Um…thanks?” I stared after him, entirely bewildered at the turn the evening had taken.

————————————————

I let out a soft sigh as my fingertips danced over the scales that reached up his lower back. That night had been the beginning of my romance with Seonghwa, who was now a fixture in my life. The two of us had spent hours talking about my late brother, sharing stories and fighting back tears. He’d held me until I fell asleep and I woke up the next morning to the clothes folded neatly on the end of the sofa and a note on top, scrawled in beautifully messy handwriting. See you soon.

“You're staring again.”

“Hmm?” I lifted my head from my arm and offered a sheepish grin. “Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to. Just thinking.”

“About what?” He asked, shuddering as my fingertips ghosted over a particularly sensitive spot just above the fin that ran down the back of his tail.

“The night we met.” I hummed, laying my head back down with a tiny smile. “Beautiful.” I whispered, touching the same spot as before. I knew he liked it.

He smiled softly and pulled himself up on the dock, kissing my forehead. “It was the best night of my life.” He responded, opting not to address my comment.

“Mine too.” I whispered, closing my eyes at his touch. I opened my eyes a moment later and looked up at him. “Do you want to come in? It’s getting kind of cool out here.”

When he nodded, I got up and backed away, leaving space for him to get on the dock while I grabbed the clothes I’d picked for him. It had become routine for me to meet him at the dock with an outfit and watch the sunset before inviting him in. He usually stayed the night with me and then went back to the water during the day when I had to work.

I watched in awe as he transformed before my eyes. It was a mildly unsettling sight but I could never manage to tear my eyes away, always intrigued. He didn’t look bothered despite how uncomfortable the transformation appeared. He’d explained early on, with mild indignance, that he was a siren, not a merman like I’d originally thought, and told me how his magic worked. It was kind of confusing but the main points were that changing forms didn’t hurt him and that his power wasn’t simply used to lure sailors to their deaths, like most fantasy books said. In fact, he’d used his charms to lull me to sleep the night we met after seeing my grief over my brother.

Once he was dressed, we walked up the dock towards my house. His arms were around my waist the moment I closed the door. “You look so beautiful tonight, my love.” He murmured, pulling I against him.

“So do you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and smiled up at him.

He leaned down and caught my lips in a gentle kiss, bringing one hand to the back of my head. I shivered when his fingers tangled in my hair and gave a gentle tug. After two years, he knew exactly how to manipulate my body and heat pooled between my legs as he nipped at my bottom lip. It was almost embarrassing how quickly he ignited such need in me.

I dragged my hands down his chest and inched my fingers under his shirt, whining softly when he pulled back. “Let’s go to the bedroom, darling.” His voice took on that tone I knew all too well and I quickly followed his instructions, knowing it was best to follow his orders.

When I reached my room, he sat on the bed and motioned for me to stand between his legs. I complied, smiling to myself when he slipped his hands under my shirt and lifted it over my head. He frowned at the sight of my bra and I laughed. “Don’t worry, it has a zipper.”

“Good. I fucking hate fighting with those hooks. They’re so finicky.” He huffed and for a moment I saw his cute, childish side. As soon as he noticed my adoring expression, however, he gathered himself and wrapped his arms around me. “My beautiful girl…” he whispered as he pressed his lips to my stomach.

I shivered at his tone as my hands moved to rest on his shoulders, goosebumps appearing on my skin at his touch. I didn’t speak as his tongue darted out to tease me, biting back a pathetic noise when he slipped a hand between my legs and touched me through my shorts. His touch was gentle, further cementing my thoughts on his elegance. He could never be rough with me unless I begged, despite possessing the inhuman physical abilities that all sirens had. I was too precious to him. Too fragile.

“Tell me, my love, what do you want? You’ve been such a good girl lately, I think you deserve a treat.” His voice took on that mind-numbingly sweet tone and I felt myself growing dizzy as a fresh wave of arousal washed over me.

“I want you, Hwa.” I whimpered, grinding down against his fingers.

“Hwa?” He paused, looking up at me. I froze on the spot. I knew what he wanted me to call him, what I secretly wanted to call him, but I was always too shy to do it unprompted. “Is that my name, baby?”

“No…” I bit my lip and fought hard to maintain eye contact.

“Say my name then.” His eyes seemed to grow dark for a brief moment and warmth flooded my chest as my stomach did a somersault. He was using his magic on me.

“M-mommy…” I whined softly, cheeks going a soft pink.

“Good girl.” He cooed and applied more pressure to my clothed core as he continued. “Now, tell me again what it is that you want.”

“I want you, mommy. Please?” I begged despite my embarrassment as his magic compelled me to do the tasks I was too shy to do without his…encouragement.

The noise he let out made my head spin and I clenched around nothing, my panties sticking uncomfortably to my folds. “My good girl even used her manners.” His tone was almost taunting as he pulled me onto his lap.

I stifled a small noise and settled on his thighs with no hesitation as his long fingers teased my hips. The skin just above my waistband once more erupted in goosebumps at his featherlight touch and I shivered. “Of course I did, mommy. I wanna be good for you.” I murmured, waiting for him to tell me what to do next.

He chuckled softly and nodded, hands sliding to squeeze my ass. “You always are, baby.” He assured me, leaning up to peck my lips.

The peck turned into a fiery kiss when I looped my arms around his neck and wiggled in his lap in an adorable attempt to grind on him. He was hard beneath my ass and I wanted to feel him. He made a sound in the back of his throat as he laid back and flipped us both over to pin me to the mattress. He immediately rolled his hips against mine and I gasped against his lips.

He broke the kiss and moved to trail his lips along my neck, sucking and biting occasionally. Each nip had I arching into him as heat pooled in my belly. “Mommy, please-” I gasped, gently tugging at his hair as his lips moved lower.

His elegant fingers tugged at the zipper of my bra, freeing my breasts in a matter of seconds. He pulled back just a bit to admire me and I saw his eyes darken with lust. He wasted no time in latching onto my left nipple, tongue swirling around the stiff peak. I let out a soft cry when I felt his teeth scrape over my skin and he promptly switched sides, focusing on my right breast.

Much to my dismay, he didn’t spend much time on my chest, opting instead to work his way lower. His lips ghosted over the spot he’d been teasing before pulling me to his lap and I sighed, eyes slipping shut. I lifted my hips when his fingers hooked in my waistband and bit my lip as my shorts and panties traveled down my legs.

After tossing my clothes aside, Seonghwa guided my legs apart and made an appreciative noise deep in his chest. “My beautiful girl…you’re gonna take me so well, aren’t you?” I nodded immediately and he smirked. “But first, you're gonna let mommy suck on that pretty pussy, right, my love?”

“Yes, mommy.” I whimpered, clenching around nothing. It was almost embarrassing how wet I was when he’d barely done anything. Almost.

“Good girl.” I moaned weakly at the name and he chuckled softly. “You always respond so well to that name.” He cooed as he leaned down. He kissed my belly while his hands guided my legs to his shoulders, tongue circling my navel like he knew I liked.

“Tickles…” I whispered and bit my lip, lifting my head to watch as he brought his mouth a breath away from my aching cunt. He didn’t immediately dive in and I wanted to scream but managed to keep my composure as he blew on me.

He ran a single finger through my folds and I felt my body grow weak. Keeping my head up so I could look at him was becoming a chore as he finally pressed a chaste kiss to my clit. I felt dizzy from the simple touch. “Mommy, please…” I whimpered, fighting the urge to grab a fistful of his silky black hair and drag him into me.

My plea seemed to be the only thing he needed because a moment later he sucked my clit into his mouth and a low growl rumbled in his chest at my resulting moan. One thing I loved about Seonghwa was just how enthusiastic he was to go down on me. He ate pussy like a madman and always made sure to finish me off before we even got to the actual fucking. I could live with his head between my legs.

The fight to keep my head up was lost and I found myself staring at the ceiling, my eyes slipping shut a moment later as a long, slender finger entered me. “Mommy…” I mewled, my hands moving to my chest. 

“Taste so fuckin’ good, baby.” He groaned against me and my hips bucked of their own accord. He brought an arm up and slung it across my hips, pinning me to the bed. “Don’t move, angel. Let me enjoy my meal.”

“Sorry, mommy.” I bit my lip as I tugged at my nipple, my back arching slightly when he curled his finger. “Oh-” I gasped.

He didn’t say a word as he added another finger and quickly curled them to reach that same spot that had my whole body burning. He licked and sucked until my legs trembled on either side of his head. He made a small appreciative sound against me and the vibrations damn near made me squeal.

Then he pulled back and I was about to pout when he added a third finger. He curled them instantly and his pace became rough and my back bowed off the bed. “Oh my god!” I cried out, quickly bringing my hand to my mouth. I didn’t mean to muffle my sounds, I just needed something to sink my teeth into and my knuckles were perfect for the job.

He kept his pace and the coil in the pit of my belly wound tighter. He leaned back in and pressed a soft kiss to my clit and it felt like lightning struck my body. My hips jerked at the contact but his arm kept me in place and I felt him smirk against me.

Eyes now watery, I looked down at him and found him staring back at me. His eyes darkened once more as he watched me fall apart and simply muttered a few words in a language I now recognized as his mother tongue, his voice sending vibrations through my pussy. Instantly, warmth was blooming in my chest and I found myself whimpering behind my hand as an intense pleasure filled my body.

He knew how much I loved when he used his power to intensify my pleasure and helped me along quite often.

My orgasm hit me like a truck, steamrolling me as he lapped at my pussy. He kept his pace even as I began to writhe, his eyes glinting with mischief. A second orgasm approached and just as I was about to come undone, he pulled back. I let out a disapproving whine but didn’t argue further. Instead, I started to sit up.

“Can I-”

“Did I say you could get up?” Immediately I sank back down against the sheets. “Don’t move.” His eyes flashed. I couldn’t even if I wanted to, though the warmth spreading in my chest made any desire to disobey flee my body entirely. He’d pinned me to the bed with a simple glare and I watched helplessly as he undressed himself, my palms itching to help him.

My mouth watered when his cock sprung free from the confines of his shorts and he took a step toward me. “I’m gonna fuck this tight little pussy and you’re gonna fall apart on my cock, understood? I’m not stopping until I hear you begging for mercy.”

I clenched around nothing and nodded eagerly. I loved when he got like this. When he was so worked up that my reward turned into him simply ravaging me. I wanted him and he was damn sure going to give me what I wanted until I couldn’t take any more.

He lined up and urged my knees toward my chest, sheathing himself inside me in one fluid motion. The fullness I felt in that moment was one of my favorite things. He always fit so perfectly inside me, filling every inch of my pussy like it was made for him.

“Shit, baby…” His groan made me tense in anticipation. Every time he cursed like that, he gave it to me hard, just the way I liked it. He was careful with me, of course. I was his fragile little human. But he knew I preferred him fucking me furiously over taking me slowly and he gave it to me as a reward.

He also punished me that way but that was a story for another time.

“Mommy-” My breath hitched on the first thrust and my eyelids fluttered as his hand found my throat.

His pace was brutal, the sound of skin slapping filling the room in record time. He was precise with each thrust and my eyes rolled back when he gave my throat a gentle squeeze. Molten lava filled my veins as my vision swam.

He let up quickly, having long since learned my limits, and leaned down to crash his lips to mine. His taste mingled with my juices in the most intoxicating way and I let out another small whimper.

The coil in my belly was back and more intense than before as he reached a part of me that had stars dotting my vision. “Oh fuck- there!” I cried, the sound muffled by his lips. He drank up the sound with a low groan and slammed into me harder, determined to make me fall apart before he did.

It didn’t take him very long to accomplish that. Not even a minute after I had the thought that I wouldn’t last much longer, my orgasm washed over me. I swear the edges of my vision blurred with the force of it. A scream ripped from my throat as he continued to fuck me through my orgasm, showing no signs of letting up any time soon.

“That’s a good girl. Just like that.” He praised, pulling back just enough to watch me writhe beneath him. “You look so beautiful when you cum all over my cock, angel.”

Warmth flooded my chest again and I let out another cry as a third orgasm slammed into me, Seonghwa’s magic holding me captive as it settled deep in my belly. He was doing this on purpose of course. He wanted to make sure I was sated. He always did.

“Look at me.” He demanded. I did. I couldn’t look away. He was stunning like this. He looked powerful on top of me.

When I felt a fourth orgasm building, tears filled my eyes and I begged for mercy. “Mommy, please- too much-” The words came out as a broken sob of pleasure.

“You can take one last one for me, can’t you, my love?” I nodded frantically, knowing he’d give me a break after I’d cum a fourth time. “Good girl. That’s what I thought.” He grunted as sweat dripped from his chin and landed between my breasts. “Fuck, baby. You look so perfect right now. Just wanna fill you up with my cum and watch you try not to waste a single drop. Wanna breed that perfect pussy and give you a baby.”

“Please!” I sobbed, nodding furiously. I needed that. Needed him to fill me to the brim and make it so blindingly obvious who I belonged to.

“Yeah? You want that?” I nodded again as my orgasm barreled towards me. “Then cum for me, angel. One last time and I’ll give you every last drop.”

I let go, my back bowing off the bed as my whole body shuddered with delight. The sensation was so strong it made my toes curl and my watery eyes roll back as I let out one final cry. I bet I looked possessed with the way my body spasmed.

With a final curse, Seonghwa let go and spilled inside me, his thrusts becoming sloppy and losing rhythm as his high crashed over him. He only stopped when I let out a pathetic whimper, my body aching from all the pleasure he’d given me. Slowly, he pulled out and I whimpered when I felt his cum begin to leak out of me.

“You’re wasting it.” He teased as he laid down beside me, throwing a strong arm over my waist. “Are you okay, my love?”

“I couldn’t be better.” I smiled as I rolled over to face him, eyes already drooping. “I love you, Hwa.”

“I love you too. So fucking much.” He whispered. His words were the last thing I heard before I drifted off to sleep in his protective embrace.

#kpop smut #ateez #ateez smut #ateez seonghwa #seonghwa #seonghwa smut #seonghwa x reader #alura’s works

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 19

chapter 33:

1. awwww being close to sirius again is the best part of reg’s life now

2. “James nearly breaks his fucking neck to do a double-take as soon as Regulus is led out again. If he was a dog, his ears would be standing straight up in intense interest. Sirius whacks him on the back of his head in what seems to be a reflex, most likely because James is doing absolutely nothing to hide the fact that he's currently undressing Regulus with his eyes.”

😭😭😭 james, keep it in your pants

3. i love that when people are jokingly mean to james, the first thing he does is call for his mum. he’s such a momma’s boy

4. james and reg being dressed up pretty <3333

5. effie and monty 💕💕🥰🥰

6. i love everyone teasing james and regulus for their crushes. they’re so funny 😭😭

7. oh. james leaving a flower at the door everyday is reg’s reason for getting up in the morning

8. their disabilities are not being ignored!!!!

9. i- they’re gonna have to visit the districts of all their friends from the arena, knowing that they walked those same streets and breathed that same air, and have to be fine

10. 😧 district twelve was where remus lived. i- sirius is not gonna do well

11. plsss lyall is so scared of why sirius would be knocking at his door

12. stop, this conversation with lyall is making me cry

13. lyall is gonna write remus a letter. i’m SOBBING

14. sirius missing remus is making me miss him too

15. “"You just found out my son is a murderer," Lyall informs him, raising his eyebrows slowly.

Sirius blinks. "Mr. Lupin, I'm also a murderer. I've killed twelve people."”

😳 they’re both on thin ice but that exchange is also unnecessarily funny

16. 😭😭😭😭 sirius, buddy, you just told lyall that you and remus had sex. my boy, pls think before speaking next time

17. 😭😭😭 he just rambled more and admitted to being in love. sir 😭😭

chapter 34:

1. DORCAS SEES MARLENE FROM THE TRAIN

2. DORLENE HUGGG!! FUCK YEAH

3. i’m so mad at the riches that victors and the hollow receive, while there are literally people in starvation

4. god, they’re so gay. dorcas just gave marlene her ring

5. i can’t fucking deal with this. james sees vanity and hodges’ families

6. i knew i couldn’t deal with it, cause james’ speech to the families is making me cry

7. 😬 shit they just did the hallow is hollow chant. shit shit shit

8. james, stop being so harsh on yourself. you deserve the same grace that you gave sirius

9. 😧 evans only friend was regulus. i- i am not okay at all

10. sobbing, shit shit shit. they’re looking at evan’s tree

11. “They talk a lot, him and Evan. Or Evan's ghost. Regulus tells him secrets that he's never told another soul. Evan is his best friend, so why shouldn't he?”

deep breath. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

12. 😭😭😭 regulus deciding that he must climb the tree even tho he doesn’t really want to

13. !!!! progress!! reg wants to sleep in james’ room!

14. “He won't see Evan in his dreams again for a long, long time.” 😐 i want to stare into author’s soul cause i hate them for this line

(also, if anyone knows author’s pronouns and could let me know, that would be great. idk if it’s something they shared or not, but if it is, i’d like to know)

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #fanfic #jegulus #sirius black #dorcas x marlene #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon #dorlene #sunseeker #starchaser #evan rosier #effie potter #euphemia potter #monty potter #fleamont potter #lyall lupin

[gh0vtzb1og]

It’s not abusive if you like it. VENT WRITING, GHOST X FEM READER

So I decided I was gonna write something that matches me and my not so good bfs situation. My bf is playing as ghost in this and I’ll be trying to get it as realistic as possible. Me and him are online, which seems silly over the fact all this can happen but it did. But for entertainment purposes this relationship in the story will be irl.

Notes; Eating disorders, fat shaming, homophobic slurs, threats of abuse, threats of murder, toxicity, mental abuse, attempted overdose and suicide, manipulation, isolation, cheating, threats of leaving, yelling, victim blaming, playing the victim, mocking of a dead relative, abuse, etc.

This is in no way meant to be enjoyed sexually, even if it is included with a character you might find attractive. This is a real story that I am writing to get out of my system and to share my personal story.

You were walking down an empty road in the middle of October, your mind wondering to the new friend you had made, he was certainly attractive and a sweetheart to you! He was always so kind and caring towards you and never made you feel bad, I mean how could he, he was your perfect man! Always there to pick you up when you needed it the most, your heart raced when he talked to you.

You were head over heels for devil in disguise. He had this charm, always talking to you about how lonely and single he was, you felt so bad! He was such a dreamy guy, and he’d been through so much. Ghost told you about his abusive exs, the way one threatened to rape and kill him, it was fucking awful. He seemed to wrap you right up in his fingers, whispering soft ‘I love yous’ that you thought were platonic, he found it cute how you never could tell he was giving you a sign.

Ghost made you feel like you were on cloud nine, he had moved you into his home. Deciding you’d be safer there, you were always waiting for him every day to get back from work, he seemed so excited to see you. To see his pretty pretty doll. Your legs squeezed together excitedly whenever you saw him. He liked exciting you, he loved that innocent look in your eye, one that just wanted a friend. You didn’t see ghost as anything more, that was the problem, that was what ached him each night.

He always saw you texting others, you were so friendly, he hated it. If you were his lover he’d snap your phone, you didn’t need to talk to anyone? That’s why you had him! He didn’t want to house you as you texted others, you shouldn’t even look at other men. Ghost rubbed your shoulders lovingly, he’d make everyone hate you, he’d make you regret living.

“Soo I was wondering, if you’d wanna go try something out, since we’re so close.” He placed a hand on your thigh, his rough and scarred fingers brushing over your leg and up your thigh. He knew what he wanted, he was gonna get it, like it or not. He’d have you wrapped around his ring finger. Whispering soft things to you.

-

Screaming echoed throughout your shared home, the sounds of anger booming from ghosts voice and fear echoing out of yours.

“SORRY IM NOT FUCKING ABUSIVE LIKE YOU ARE?” He shouted in your face, his hand gripping your wrist to the point where he could break it. His eyes were narrowed at you, teeth grit in an uncomfortable expression. “You should’ve just overdosed that night. I wish I never fucking helped you.” He let go of your wrist, watching you stumble back with tears in your eyes. You weren’t abusive, ghost just needed you to feel awful about yourself. Recently you had made some friends, they were considered on your boyfriend’s actions and often brought them up to you. You just shook it off and responded with things like ‘that’s just how he is’ or ‘it was my fault.’

You suffered because of him, all he wanted to do was use you for his anger. A personal punching bag.

-

He noticed you had gotten distant recently, scratches and scars littering your arms as you stare blankly down at your legs. He drained you of the person you were before, the one who talked to others and was happy. Now you were just an object in his home, something to place on his mantle and stare at as he sips a bourbon. You had become cold like porcelain, your body felt exhausted, empty.

Every day it felt like the same, he would tell and you’d just take it. You couldn’t defend yourself or that was abusive behavior. You watched as him and his buddies made fun of you. Prodding at your weight or at the way you looked, he smiled brightly when him and his friends uncovered each and every part of you. Watching when the words you dreaded rolled off his tongue. “She’s so damn fat, like a fuckin whale.” (Reminder guys I’m like 102 pounds idk why he was talking like that..), or “I wish she’d get herself re do, such a sight for sore eyes.” His words stung like poison, your bottom lip quivered as you sat on a couch nearby them, listening as his ego got bigger and bigger. You tried to make yourself as little as possible, if you stayed out of his way he couldn’t hurt you right?

-

“Shh baby you ain’t a bad person. Bad people don’t admit their bad honey, you know that right?” Ghost murmured into your ear. He had finally broke everything you had, just letting you lay your head on his chest and mumble how bad of a person you are, how your a monster and nobody will ever love you. How your a failed mother, how you’ll never please him. “You know I didn’t mean that stuff about your weight. Or your face, you know I don’t care right?” He rubbed your back, smiling proudly as he heard your sobs of agony, you didn’t wanna be a monster. You wanted to be a good girlfriend.

“Ah ah. I know you’re hurting so bad aren’t you dear. I just need to help you become a better person don’t I hm? You’ll learn to be good, I know you will.” A kiss was placed onto your forehead as you cried into his chest, terrified of the fact you were a failed person.

-

“I SHOULD FUCKING KILL YOU, YOU KNOW THAT?” He shouted, a bottle smashing against a countertop as he moved more towards you. “Get out of my fucking house. We’re done.” He grabbed your shirt and shoved you out of the nearest door, watching as you scrambled back nervously, you had nowhere else to go. You cut contact with everyone in your life because they upset him. All you knew how to do was wait by his door like a puppy. You scrambled to your feet and sat outside of it, your bruised cheek resting against the wood of the door, he was all you had.

Your hands dug into your leg as you pulled out a razor from your pocket, chewing on your lip and dragging the cold blade against your skin, watching the crimson liquid that oozed out. You always did this after he threw you out, it was a reminder to be better. That you weren’t enough nor would you ever be enough.

-

Ughhh just some of the worst stories I can remember, I try my hardest to forget my experiences with him.

#cod mw2 #call of duty #cod x reader #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #gh0vtzb1ogz #simon riley x reader #simon riley x you #call of duty x reader #call of duty smut #simon ghost x reader #ghost headcanons #ghost x reader #ghost #simon riley headcanons #simon riley hcs

[waytooinvested]

Lena: So. What’s taking you to Milan?

Kara: Oh no…

Lena: During your “big work thing”.

Kara: Okay. This isn’t what it looks like.

Lena: God, can’t you be any more original than that?

Kara: Not really no. Because, it looks like I’m having an affair, doesn’t it?

Lena: Yes it FUCKING does.

Kara: Yeah. And I’m not. What I’m doing is… I’m saving the world from an alien invasion.

Lena: You’re-what? No you’re not.

Kara: Yeah, I am… and I’m really sorry.

Lena: What? I mean y-y-y-you’re not. But why are you?

Kara: Because… and again, I am so sorry. That’s my job.

Lena: It’s not. You’re a Personal Assistant.

Kara: No. I’m a Superhero. Quite- quite a famous Superhero.

Lena: So that Superhero we see on the news that looks and sounds exactly like you…

Kara: Supergirl? Yeah that’s me. I wear glasses so no one can tell.

Lena: But why would you hide this from me???

Kara: Because when we first met, you, very charmingly, explained to me how Kryptonian powers work.

Lena: Did I?

Kara: Yes you did. It was basically the first conversation we ever had, and then immediately afterwards, like straight away you asked me what I did for a living. And I thought well if I say Kryptonian Superhero you’ll feel really stupid, so I said Personal Assistant.

Lena: Why Personal Assistant?

Kara: Because I thought it was so boring you wouldn’t ask me any other questions. You did though. You were very sweet and you asked loads of questions. Which I answered. Making it hard to go back from it on a second date… And then the relationship continued, and I don’t know, at a certain point I just realised it’s now impossible ever to tell you.

Lena: A certain point? What, like our wedding day?!

Kara: No, way before that.

Lena: So what did you think was going to happen in the end?

Kara: I suppose I thought something exactly like this was going to happen in the end…

Lena: Is this all really true?

Kara: Yeah. And I mean… I can prove it quite easily.

Lena: So… you’re not having an affair?

Kara: No, I swear I have never, EVER cheated on you.

Lena: But you have lied to me. Since the day we met. About what you do, what you care about, basically who you are.

Kara: Yeah… Yeah. That’s worse isn’t it?

Lena: …. No it’s way better. Just don’t ever do it again, okay?

Kara: It’s hard to see how I could.

Source: John Finnemore's Souvenir Programme

#incorrect supercorp quote #supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers #incorrect supergirl quotes #okay I know this is WAY too long for an incorrect quote #it is basically just an entire radio sketch transcript #BUT the parallel worked too well and I couldn't resist writing it out as supercorp for my own amusement #aaand this blog is my own personal sandpit to play in so you all have to see it too #I found it funny anyway :D

[toc-the-elder]

I've spent a lot of time being a bit confused by posts by trans people talking about being worried they're faking it and not really trans.

And yeah. I get you now.

I was doing some casual research to find out when the earliest date I could apply for a Gender Recognition Certificate is (depending on what level of evidence they ask for), and for some reason, I had the thought of "Oh god, you mean I can't change it back?"

I don't know where this thought came from. When I interrogate my own thought process, and ask at what point I would like to detransition, I don't have an answer for myself. There is no point where I think existing as I was would ever make me happier than living as the woman I can be. I suppose the finality of the certificate is what scares me a little, but isn't that the point? Isn't the whole point to try and close up all the legal loopholes someone might use to treat me as anything but female? And why should the finality of the thing scare me? My whole transition has been a series of finalities. I have already endured and bloomed under final, permanent changes to my body. I have already declared myself to the world. I know in my heart of hearts that I desperately want and need my surgery. It's been perhaps my deepest personal desire my entire life. I have been fucking diagnosed with the trans disease.

I shouldn't be shocked at the finality of any of this. And the fact that I am gave me a bit of a wobble. Like what if I'm not really trans? What if all these years have been just some silly mistake or not really me or self-delusion or just talking myself into something and what if I go through with all of this just to regret it?

Well, the alternative is going back to how I was, and I know I already regret that. I know I'm wrong when I suggest to myself that I'm not really trans. Because as much as I hate the way the NHS medicalises transness, they are treating me for gender dysphoria, and I grow more comfortable with what I see in the mirror every day. They boil transness down to gender dysphoria, and I certainly experience that, and embracing my womanhood makes me experience it a lot less. I know that non-trans people probably don't regularly and invariably picture having their intimate experiences with a different genre of genitalia.

Sometimes I have a moment of doubt, but by every metric I can think of, I am trans, and thus a woman.

#and honestly making myself a woman by accident doesnt seem so bad #trans #transgender #hrt #cw gender dysphoria #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia

[imminent-danger-came]

Between

2x08 S: "As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend, I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me. Because at the end of the day, helping my friends is more important than anything in the world!"

3x03 Mei: "So wait, how did you get your gold vision back again?" MK: "I don't know! The same way I got them in the first place I guess. Every time I learned a new ability, it was because there was something I NEEDED to do, when there was no other way. Against the gold fish guy I NEEDED to do something to save my friends!" P: "Yeah, friends that YOU put in danger on purpose!"

3x10 MK: "NO! Mei is my best friend, I’d never abandon her when she needs me. We’re heroes! It’s what we do!",

3x14 MK: "A perfect world is what you make it. So as long as I have my friends by my side...this world! Is! Perfect!”

4x01 MK: "Honestly? I’m kinda liking the world as it is, right now. So...if it could just stay like this, forever? That would be awesome." SWK: "Yeah well...forever’s a long time bud...trust me."

4x02 AL: "It’s too late to save them! We can’t risk unleashing the curse into the world." MK: “You don’t know! We’d risk it for sure! I won’t abandon them when they need us."

4x07 IMK: "You can see it, can't you? This is your fate. Your friends will turn on you, seeing you for the monster you will become. They will destroy you, harbinger of chaos."

4x11 MK: "We have to try, he'd do the same—for any of us." and

4x14 YT: "I know full well what would happen should Azure fail. But- but he is my brother. I owe him my life." S: "We get it! I'd do anything to help my friends. But at the cost of the world?" P: "I'm sorry pal, but NOTHING worth that price!"

I'm like, really worried scoob.

#''Oh haha tdp may get into the life of one person VS the life of the world and CHET may definitely happen but at least I'm safe in LMK-'' #''-what do you mean one friend isn't worth the cost of the world. WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE WON'T ABANDON THEM WHEN THEY NEED HIM.'' #MK IS LITERALLY GOING TO TRADE THE WORLD FOR HIS FRIEND'S LIVES. FUCK ME. I CAN'T ESCAPE ANYTHING #Actually no. NO NO WAIT IT COULD BE WORSE. #It might legitimately come down to destroying MK or destroying the world. Or a choice that seems like those are the only two outcomes #''They will destroy you harbinger of chaos'' OH MAN. WE'RE SO FUCKED. #Nothing is off the table anymore. Azure died painfully on screen. s4 was the worst thing ever. IT'S OVER #Good thing s4 was all about false dichotomies right hahahahahaha #This comes down to: would pigsy sandy and tang really not pay that price for someone they care about. #This isn't about Mei I know SHE would. She'd do literally anything for her friends. BUT THE OTHER THREE. #SANDY CONTRADICTS HIMSELF IN 2x08 AND 4x14. I'M SCARED SCOOB #WHY MUST EXCHANGE AS A THEME BE IN EVERYTHING I LOVE #sorry if this is hard to read/incomprehensible lol #I am just like. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #lmk #lmk rant #lmk parallels #lego monkie kid #monkie kid

[da-proti-toku-grem]

why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

#honestly i understand that my parents care about me and they don't want me to be feeling bad #and that they ask me bc they just want to make sure i'm okay #but i've explained to them what i feel like and they just don't get and i get mad but i akso know it's not their fault and just... oughhhhh #like yeah i have a weird kind of social anxiety according to my therapist and even she doesn't know exactly how to help me yet #but there are just so many reasons behind why i don't like going out and it's not just bc it gives me anxiety #or why those situations give me anxiety in the forst place #1. i'm just a very introverted person that doesn't like going out #2. crowded places/closed spaces/places where there's not enough ventilation/loud places (be it people talking or just music) overwhelme me #3. all said in 2 + flashing lights give me huge migraines that can linger for over 3 days #4. i am very much a night owl and i'm forced to live in a society where that isn't fucking acceptable apparently and i'm called lazy for - #- not being productive in the morning when the only reason behind it is that i am a lot more productive at night #but no one ket's me do that bc 'why are you doing stuff when you're supposed to be asleep?' #i have been the same since i was little. literally nothing has changed #and people where always like 'oh she's just shy' #but idk wtf changed #maybe it was that i became and 'adult' or maybe the fact that i started therapy and they told my parents that i have social anxiety. idk #but suddenly every single person in my family is worried about it and they're genuinely making me feel like there's smth wrong about me #i mean. i have my problems i'm not gonna go telling you that i'm perfect bc i'm pretty much not #but is there really smth that wrong with me that i need to fix #or is society just a bitch that doesn't understand that there's different kinds of people and everyone is different & IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY #have they ever thought about the fact that maybe these situations cause me anxiety bc i've been forced all my life to do them #even if i don't like them #instead of thinking that i don't like them BC they cause me anxiety?? #i mean. i know i have to go out more and that there's tons of things i can do ofc #but you can't just force me to do things i don't want to and put on a good face while doing it *every.fucking.day* #aaaaand i could add a lot more things but i'm once again reaching the tag limit so i shoukd just shut up #it's just driving me crazy bc i know they're trying to help but it really is not helping at all............. #ranting

[thenwethrowitonthefire]

Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family

#fucking hell #it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister #who was equally dreading the day #my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt #then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present) #multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way. #combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high #weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells. #this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing. #then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on. #my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence #i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum #who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?) #me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting. #Which amuses the bored and the deaf #but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed #they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes #finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism* #still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously #(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something) #me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room #and made things appear that should not be there #I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go #you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room. #i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear #I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that. #the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well #she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer #maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk. #can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important

[junotter]

sometimes researching for avatar redesigns has you 6 layers deep into the Japan's Meiji era allies wiki

#im trying to mess with some of the stuff that feels weird about the ways the fire nation is depicted idk #like i do not feel optically it is good for like them to be so heavily based on japan's imperialist actions #while dressed in clothes that come from places japan colonized #but i dont want it to just be solely japanese though i did draw zuko and azula in hakama but its largely cause i wanted to draw hakama #and like the only place with strong japanese influence being kiyoshi island and my own frustration with the modern day samurai depiction #i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me #anyway i think keeping the thai influence is fine despite the brief invasion japan had into thailand due to thailand then allying with japa #and further allying with the axis due to allying with japan #ugh and ive been told not to think this much about it because its fiction but its also fiction so so so heavily based on real places #and when you base fiction on real cultures you fall into some unintentional pitfalls #i also fucking hate the royal fire nation robes they look so meh and the most costumey out of everything in the show #they look like heavy blankets despite being a supposedly hot nation #theres ways to have heavy robes (heian era japan) but they look like i make them out of fleece and velvet blankets #back to kiyoshi island i think the really only aesthetically japanese reference in the show being an island of noble warriors is lame #plus over done #it feels like nowadays theres a lot of people who get all whiney about people saying fire nation is based off japan #but like dude the creators in the comics and korra like go even more into the japanese influence and clearly it was the original intentions #also i do think you could do some pretty interesting world building by having say there be an older cultural influence on kiyoshi island #from the fire nation especially if the place is established as a central port area then you tie in some okinawan or even hawaiian reference #and gives an explanation that makes sense to why kiyoshi stands out from the rest of the earth kingdom you have long term cultural trading #and it establishes interesting relationships even pre kiyoshi time thereby drawing back onto some real historic references #cause for awhile ryukyu china and japan used to be this trading triangle which could explain some of these various influences going on #i think you can get a really interesting harmony when you create the fire nation out of a mix of japan and thailand #i mean both have these floating buildings due to living on some pretty wet lands and theres harmony in that mix #god i did see one person go like “fire nation is more based on china because theres a lot of red and red is important in china” #my brother in christ red is also important in japan #red is important in like many many asian cultures #i mean of course a lot of that importance stems from china and cultural exchange with china but idk kinda silly to say with your whole ches #like if you want to bring china in then the dragons are the biggest thing like sure some mythos has dragons in japan #but a lot of those comes from china in some way

[lesbiansanemi]

Do you think if I wish hard enough my mom will get electrocuted by a string of Christmas lights and just go up in a cloud of smoke. It’d be a Christmas miracle

#I’m not even DOWN THERE YET and I want to fucking KILL HER #I have to work Christmas Eve and the day after Christmas. I live four hours away from my family #I told her this MANY TIMES I said I’ll drive down after work on Christmas Eve be there Christmas morning but I need to leave by 3-4 to get #home at a reasonable hour so I can have time to unpack/catch up on a couple days of chores/get plenty of sleep #she called me last night and told me she didn’t schedule Christmas stuff until SIX PM #and when I said why tf did you do that I’m not staying that late #she got mad and upset and was like ‘it’s the only time everyone is free :(‘ #BUT THEN proceeded to tell me we were having lunch with her HUSBAND’S family at noon #(ppl I am not close with never have been literally don’t talk to) #and everyone I know is like ‘just leave when you said you were going to anyways’ #and like yeah I could but then my family is gonna be ENRAGED that I didn’t do Christmas stuff with them #and they’re like ‘well explain that your mom didnt listen to when you said you needed to leave’ #but the thing is. no matter what. they’re going to take her side #I should sacrifice my time and comfort to spend time with them because they’re FAMILY #never mind that literally not a SINGLE ONE OF THEM has EVER come up to visit me #IM always expected to drive down there. but that sacrifice doesn’t count it’s not good enough #but if I stay that late I won’t be getting home until AT LEAST midnight or later #cuz my family has no fucking concept of time so if it starts at six that means it doesn’t ACTUALLY start until 7 so most of them might be #there by 8 so I’ll be expected to stay until at least 10 to sufficiently catch up with all of them #I’m going to scream I’m going to cry #if I leave early I’m the awful ungrateful terrible bitch who never comes to see any of them #but none of them could adjust their days by just a few hours to see me before I needed to leave #FOR MY FUCKING JOB !!!!!!!! SOMETHING COMPLETELY OUT OF MY CONTROL #and like the thing is. my piece of shit manipulative bitch mother #I KNOW she did this on purpose #I know she didn’t plan this until six to FORCE me to stay longer because she was mad I wasn’t staying long #(again… because of work… something I can’t control) #so she’s orchestrated this to put me in this position #where I have to suck it up and stay and be exhausted and have tired migraines for a week cuz I get only a couple hours of sleep and then #or leave and make everyone pissed. I hate her so FUCKING much

[izzy-b-hands]

im ngl i had a lil breakdown before my shower (which i took just before i went to bed to chill and watch the new eps) abt some thought-id-already-worked-all-thru-it irl stuff that resurfaced on me like trauma tends to and i just

it made everything in the show so. I don't know how to say it right. but i feel seen and understood and emotionally overwhelmed in a safe yet weird way, just like i did with a lot of s1 and I am Feeling So Much akdnfkgb (i cannot stress enough that this is a Good Thing and I'm absolutely thrilled and happy with the new eps and like. Going to be fine mentally I just gotta wrangle this like i have the times before.)

#text post #god i need a therapist that specialises in PTSD when i can afford therapy again #in the meantime recognition of the self thru the admired other while im in this state weirdly helps #makes me feel like im gonna burst out of my skin and I'm blasting metal in my ear buds to deal with that for now #gonna sleep eventually #i think lmao #im fine honestly bc like. this is not my first breakdown by any means but just. the fucking timing could not have been better #that said i both need a hug and absolutely could not handle being touched rn so that's something #no one's gonna read this far so im gonna just let myself have one little extra messy vent in that #my stupid fucking dad triggered part of this last one and I'm so mad abt it #he doesn't give two fucks abt me now (but he'd pretend to if he saw me in person bc jason LOVES keeping up appearances) #and he would just do a little nod and smile and talk over me telling him all that's happened this last year #i moved across the fucking country with help from friends so i wouldn't wind up dead in ND #and that's the thing i keep surviving and I dont understand why when I'm so often stressed and struggling to want to live #that and more has been sitting weighing and i just. want to tell him all of this and for him to be proud of me #he'll never be proud of me the way i want bc even my mum hasn't pulled that off #where they're proud of me as I am with no caveats or hiding parts of myself #if u think this is bad pls know i deleted a maximum tags tag essay/trauma dump just before this on this post lmao #i am In The Soup rn but it's gonna be fine #gonna rewatch s2 eps and be slightly but safely triggered by bits of ed and izzys stuff and get stoned and try to. process feelings #find some ptsd therapy worksheets online like dr. blohm suggested i try #forgive me the long tags and scroll by it fast if u want/need friends ill try to contain my current mess to this post & few others

[smol-tired-binch-blog]

hate how im now at a point where im legit like kicking my legs and grinning like an idiot over fictional characters SEND HELP

#take One Guess who im talking about. YES ITS KOI BOI #hes so prettyyyyy and cute and lovely and i love looking at him i wanna hear him speak and laugh and sing just AAAAAAAAAAAA #(turns to my own brain) BITCH WE ARE MEANT TO BE AROACE WHY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH TWO FICTIONAL CRIMINALS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING????? #my brain: (that fuckin anime girl gif from evangelion (i think??)) #like fuuuuuck man is it self shipping if u use a proxy? like. hes an oc but he's a stand in for me. he is me and i am him but we also arent #he is his own person and i am my own our lives are very very different but i use him to express love for Mad Dog and Koi Boy #cause they could actually love him if i were in their world i wouldnt stand a chance but my boy has one so he loves them for me #its far easier to imagine him kissing them than it is for me to imagine myself kissing them but that might be because im wired weird #idk it *feels* like it counts yknow. my dumbass out here gettin jealous when i see a Certain Ship cause like i disagree with it on #a Fundamental Level. and on TOP of that half the time the art is so CUTE and im like 'motherfucker that should be ME' or i guess my lad but #STILL am i making sense?? doesnt help that i worry im like. misreading what content i have but also fuck you i can do what i want and also #i get him more than yall kgyugkhjhk (jk jk. Unless) basically when i call them my boyfriends i fuckin mean it #look its Real Missing Nishiki Hours i love him i wanna kiss his perfect face someone shoulda shown him love i could save him and he could #make me worse <3 I Want Him #and do not get me wrong i may be focused on him but Majima is still my wifey too!!! hes mine you cant have her <3 #i just have koi boy brainrot i very much desire them Both (YES THAT MIGHT BE WHY I SHIP THEM TOO LOOK I ALSO THINK THEYD WORK WELL TOGETHER #OR AT LEAST HAVE A FUN DYNAMIC TO EXPLORE I SHOULD DATE THEM AND THEY SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER WE ALL HAVE 2 HANDS) #might delete this in the mornin who knows but im feelin silly i wanna talk about them i wanna talk about my boy but idk if ppl would really #GET IT yknow i can think of maybe Two People and that INCLUDES bestie but just aaaa point is i love my koi boy so much hes so lovely <3 <3

[opens-up-4-nobody]

hi so so sorry if this sounds genuinely deranged but I need to know did you write a fanfiction in like 2014 that was set during ww2 where zoro from one piece was sent to a japanese internment camp and sanji went to conversion therapy I remembered it recently because it blew my mind at age 13 and I had to reread it + need a kind of where are they now with the author so if that's you 1) what's your stance on the fic today 2) how much of the research was done during writing and how much did you just know beforehand and used as inspo 3) did you have any ideas for where the other characters ended up because I did always wonder if like idk chopper overcame the trauma of being in the war and also just what usopp's situation would be in general what with the political climate. once again. if you didn't actually write this fic so sorry this must look like the ravings of a crazy person. godspeed

Hi. Uh, yeah I did write that fic. I would have been like only 17 at the time. I did do A LOT of research, like the fic was basically an excuse for me to research Japanese internment and WWII history in general bc I thought it was super fucked up. I was absolutely hyperfixated on the topic and my parents probably thought i was nuts for my ability to talk at length on this particular area of history. I just finished skim reading back through the fic and woof. What a bleak fucking story. I was very cruel to everyone. It's frustrating bc I think it's an interesting and compelling idea for a story. But to me it feels like: here is all the research I did and also characters talking in what feels like a too modern way. Plus, I was 17 and didnt understand people very well. I wish I had the energy and motivation to rewrite it. Although, I forgot I used to do song lyrics at the start of each chapter and the tonal dissonance of Owl City lyrics at the top of a chapter of harrowing events around the time of WWII is unfathomablly unhinged.

#as for where r they now? i forgot the last chapter was like fuck u nothing matters life goes on sanji probably died of lung cancer #like jesus dude calm down. i think now id give them a bit of a softer ending #like i mean sanji still prob dying of lung cancer but he lives a long life with zoro and thry make the most of the time they have together #and i mean when u see horrific things in war i imagine its something u never really get over but i think the crew members that became #soldiers go on to live fuffilling lives and usopp finds a stable and relatively well paying job. gets married and lives happily ever after #god. its so frustrating to me that ill probably never rewrite this. it could habe been so good #but i just dont have thst kind of energy. i do think abt this fic more than almost all my other tho #im glad u liked it anon. its a fucking unhinged fic just from the perspective of: rural ohio teen wants to research a fucked up aspect of #ww 2 history and decides to write a fucking fanfic abt it. like bro what why. but idk weird weird times #there could have been themes and exploration of trauma and adversity. complex relationships. but no u get cringe written by a child #and now at the age of nearly 26 i am old and tired. christ thst was almost 10 years ago. i was a whole different human #weird the fanfics that stick with u. i have many i think abt from hs. wonder where the authors r now... #unrelated #i also forgot that in the authors nots i was like: if u r a n4zi fucking kill yourself. #which i standby but i was not expecting to see thst in the notes of a one piece fic i wrote as a kid good god

[fionnaskyborn]

there's something to be said about the very specific feeling of frailty you feel when you come face to face with just how little you've experienced. twenty-odd years on planet earth and you haven't really watched all that many movies. an unlived life facing an uncertain future. i do not know where to point the finger of blame because i live untethered from my past, floating in the present with no clear point of reference no clear definition of who i am or what happened to me and how i turned out the way i am (fucking. can you guess why five is my favorite game. insert that one lyric from that one modest mouse song.) but you're still here, and you can still learn, and you can catch up, but it still feels like you're a pitiful little nobody looking for excuses trying to explain why you're still new to the whole being alive thing. i've got a good head on my shoulders, though, for all that's worth, so i think i might be fine.

in other news, i watched scarface tonight. it was certainly a movie. don't really understand how the movie made it big, but it did have some damn good music. i mean, i don't know. i'm still learning about the world i live in. maybe it really is as much of a masterpiece as people make it out to be and i'm too dumb to see the reason why it's considered a classic. maybe i'm right. i can't tell at the moment. it's kind of a beggars can't be choosers situation - if you ain't watched that many movies, then you can't really be a good judge of quality. but, oh, well. it's one more movie watched. it's a win because i watched a movie. and i'll watch more movies.

#i mean this extends to things like world politics also i'm still learning and i'm eager to learn beyond what i am offered but that doesn't #make the process any less fucking terrifying. like sure fuck yeah i'll be a big shot and do it alone and i'll be proud of myself but the #thing is i really really really don't know how to be alone without feeling empty #and it's funny because the thing i yearn for the most is to be free and to create myself and do things on my own and i can do that i've #learned how to be an adult very early on and people say ah you've yet to face the worst but every time they tell me that i tell them i can't #wait #but at the same time sometimes i sit and i wonder why i haven't watched that many movies. was there nobody to watch them with? could i have #asked? could things have been different? is it my fault for never having really wanted things or somebody else's? and i'll never really have #a clear answer to any of those questions or at least not anytime soon because my cranium is messed up and unreliable but i won't get the #answers anywhere else. shrugs. i've yet to start living a life. i don't know when i died but i do know but maybe that's just an idea and #maybe i've been dead all along until some point in the past two years but then what are all those memories i have where did they come from #why are they so far apart why do they feel mine and foreign at the same time. can you guess who my favorite mg character is. #well okay i have like what four or five of those but read the text again and think really really hard about it. i'm just kidding i'm goofing #around at this point. i mean no not really but i am smiling about it. :] #logs

[sick-as-a-dog]

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#just the thought of him not loving me the same way and amount i love him makes me want to slice myself up #ill only stop cutting when i cant feel anything anymore not pain not love just emptiness #just want to be with master but dont want to make him stressed out because im too dependent and reliant on him #why cant i just feel my emotions the right way or a normal amount or at least less strong? why am i like this? #why cant i love like a human and why must that shit be so complicated? why am i so feralminded? #and why cant i feel my loves separately? should i even? or am i not understanding it right? why do i feel everything wrong? #why must i love him like a wild animal loves its lifelong mate? but also like how that animal loves the taste of prey and hungers for it? #like a dog loves its master and feels the unending loyalty and unconditional love overtake remaining wolflike instinct #like a best friend i also wish to do stereotypical romantic and domestic things with and so much more #i want to be bound to him in any way possible marriage and collars and microchips and blood pacts and marking and such #but im so scared he wont want that anymore i want to stop feeling i need to completely stop feeling and worrying but i cant #even when im emotionally numb i still feel that canine love for him even if just a glimmer #i wish i knew what he thinks love is and what hes comfortable with and how he felt and experienced love and if he still loves me like #he did before he came out as aro....im scared to bring up how calling himself aro and me his exception actually hurts and idk if i should #tbh him saying hes aro yet says he loves me feels like when a close friend keeps saying they dont have any friends while youre right there #like my existence makes his identity a lie or a betrayal to him i cant shake the gross feeling that hes forcing himself to stay for my sake #....hell am i even his exception anymore? what did he mean by same amount but not the same? what changed? did anything actually change? #wish i could figure out what love is and how to feel it right..esp dont understand romantic or queerplatonic or anything its all confusing #i want to take on the world with him and stop being an emotional wreck so we can fuck anyone together like we swore to #i just want to live the rest of my life by his side and i want to experience all we can together #picnics and movies and living together and sharing a nest and....idk i just want to be with him forever and hope he still feels the same #it would literally kill me if he ever left or fell out of love i think i would lose whats left of my mind and end up bleeding myself dry #i want us to be together forever and never ever stop being mates but i cant help but be terrified and confused and hurt

[lemoncake438]

How do u know if its love or mental illness?

#I'm so fucked up in the head #so glad I have therapy later #love #bpd #bipolar #fawn response #like ugh I am so fucking afraid of myself #I take a look at my past 3 relationships and I have absolutely devastated all three of them and I don't want to hurt anyone else #but I'm literally 3 for 3 in the ruining lives department and like okay yeah 1 and 2 eventually got over it and moved on but what if 3 #never does? I mean I guess its all so new and raw but like I feel so awful. I feel like I'm never allowed to love again until I can like #not hurt people? but I think we are all always gonna hurt people. ugh love is so stupid I wish I could just turn it off!! #I wish I could just rip it out of my chest and fucking kill fucking beat the shit out of my heart so it never dares to feel or want again #and then I get surprised when I tell people that and they look at me like they're going to cry #why in the world should I be allowed to love?? when it clearly does so much damage?? #and then its worse right because then when I love someone I google the symptom of every fucking mental illness imaginable. bpd. bipolar. #adhd. autism. you name it I've searched it. and like I have bipolar so then I start invalidating my own love. I tell myself things like #oh youre just manic and thats making you think that this person is in love with you. oh you're just manic you think you are the center of #everyone's universe. oh you're just manic you aren't actually happy around them they just enable your ugly illness #and then like the things in question that are making me think this as like totally valid and normal things #like oh you're just manic you think they love you- my brother in christ they remember the smallest details about me and always know how to #make me laugh. we can't lock eyes longer than a few seconds before we both smile etc etc etc #but then it gets analytical- you know? bc then my brain is like ok we have to disprove our own personal bartholomuel that nafty brainworm #but you cant logically analyze something like love I don't think #right and then like I'm so deep in this hole of analyzing I start running the simulations of all the damage I'll do if/when it ends poorly #because I'm a piece of shit and I always always always go stir crazy and lose myself in it and panic and try to run and then bury my own #personality and wants and needs bc I want so badly to be loved I subconsciously shape shift myself into their ideal partner #right okay so then I'm minmaxing it- I'm speed running the imaginary relationship in my brain start to finish every single day and living #in a fake scenario where we break up every single day thousands and thousands of times over and none of that even happened #its like- because I have to prove to myself that its pure and genuine love and not mental illness or attachment or pure lust allows this #evil part of my brain to just take over and go hog wild torturing me with all these awful situations that don't even exist!!