#i think fundamentally it isnt a choice that had as much thought as i am putting in put into it but it does raise an eyebrow for me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lorillee · 2 months

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Hi how would you accomodate Obito's character to match, as you said, the fake ideal Kakashi has of him in his memory at the beginning of the series (if you want their relationship to go that way, which is 1000% more interesting than what the manga gave us) ? Like, if Kakashi has a fake idea of Obito in his head, Obito must have been at least something remotely heroic in the past, no ? Also, in this configuration do you think Adult Obito should be acknowledged as 100% Creepy in the story to contrast Kakashi's memories, and how ?

i fear that i may have opened a giant can of naruto discourse worms but since i actually have opinions on this i might as well share. its not really changing obito's character in any form its just genuinely how i read this relationship because thats the way it makes the most sense to me.

obito was genuinely just some kid who had a good heart but was a little annoying and wasnt terribly punctual or collected and was more than happy to mildly buck his responsibilities and the expectations people had of him to help people out which isnt inherently bad but also easily lends itself to endangering the mission/task at hand and as a result baby kakashi thought he was annoying and stupid and a spoiled brat who doesnt know what the real world looks like. they were literally not even anywhere close to friends until like the 5 minutes before obito epicly dies by which i mean. and this is like so so so tremendously important to understanding my view of this relationship. kakashi barely knew obito at all, and he didnt know him because up until those last 5 minutes he barely even respected him as a person and therefore had absolutely no vested interest in learning. this, combined with the fact that obito was . again. just some kid who was trying his best but wasnt like outstanding is absolutely crucial because its directly because of kakashi's growing insane survivors guilt complex that his perception of obito goes from "kid with a good heart who did the right thing when i did not" -> "paragon of justice and morality and everything that i am not".

like kakashi as a guy is somebody who very consistently takes far more responsibility for bad things that happen than is deserved - if kakashi and obito had gone to save rin earlier it literally would not have made a difference, but because kakashi knows he made the wrong decision in trying not to save her at first he blames himself for obito's death nonetheless. as rin dies by his own hand (both thereby being "his fault" + violating the deathbed promise he made to the last person he got killed) and then minato kicks the bucket not too long after, kakashi's survivors guilt complex balloons into something genuinely kind of deranged. like seriously kakashi really truly does hate himself so so so much and its a bit dire. he blames solely himself for things that are not entirely or even mostly his fault and at multiple points in the final arc literally talks about how prepared he is to die and when he's saved is caught entirely off-guard and immediately starts talking about how worthless he is (GUY WHO WANTS TO DIE SO BAD ITS CONCERNING) and asking why obito bothered moving kaguya's attack and when anybody ever tries to give him credit for the positive things he did contribute he immediately moves to give it to somebody else and minimize his own impact.

with this in mind you can kind of see what happened with obito - while kakashi is a tremendously skilled ninja on his own, it was the sharigan that ultimately became the centerpoint of his abilities - the sharigan that obito gave him. with this comes the ability to attribute all the good he's done for the village/people in it to obito while bolstering his already preconceived notion that it wasnt obito who shouldve died back then but him because if it were obito he wouldve been able to do everything that kakashi has done except he also has the added bonus of being fundamentally a better person who wouldve made the right choices who wouldve been a good leader who wouldve saved rin who wouldve saved everybody who was the one out of the two of them who truly understood sakumo's will and would have always always always succeeded where kakashi has failed time and time again but because hes dead because kakashi got him killed the best he can do is try. and he cant move on he cant ever move on because this eye of obitos is always always always there and he'll never be able to forgive himself because he's failed in every way he could have and would never deserve it. by the time the main series rolls around obito really isnt a person in kakashis mind but a very prominent focal point to project his insane deranged guilt complex onto and then feel miserable about because he has serious mental issues. like its truly not about obito as the guy he actually was because kakashi barely even knew him at all, its that because so so so many of kakashi's biggest achievements and regrets in life are tied back to obito's death its just entirely inescapable and especially so for somebody as riddled with guilt and self-hatred and responsibility as kakashi.

like people like to pretend this relationship is romantic but if im being honest. that is objectively 1)stupid but also more importantly 2) BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG ITS SO BORING ITS SO BORINGGGGGGGGG when your other option is kakashis deranged mental scape projection bag turning out to be an actual real person who shouldnt have been put on this massive pedastal, causing kakashis entire life and meaning up to this point to come crumbling down because it turns out obito's been spiraling off the path that kakashi has been obsessing over for years except in the end this too is kakashis fault because its always kakashis fault and worse yet its not even him who convinces obito to turn around because no matter how hard kakashi tries he'll never ever ever ever be good enough he'll never be able to fix his mistakes he'll never be able to be forgiven and he'll never be able to forgive himself.

also side note while i find obito's fixation on rin to be insanely annoying and notably weird and definitely in poor taste, intentionally making it creepy is doing nobody ANY favors and i would decidedly not want that in any direction. the contrasts between what kakashi remembers and what obito has turned into have to do with selflessness and maturity and the consistent choice to do the right thing into assisting in the murder of thousands of people for an incredibly childish and selfish pipe dream - imo intentionally focusing on how its frankly a bit weird for a guy pushing 30 to still be hung up on a girl he knew when he was 12 is detracting from the main point and serves no narrative purpose and what id much rather do instead is chop the romantic beat entirely because that would do wonders for his entire character in making him at the very least less annoying.

also also the way this ask is worded is a bit weird imo like its not like obito started out being a terrible person and if he was all along then itd kind of suck and also defeat like 100% of the point. like i would definitely say throwing yourself into a pack of overwhelming enemies to save a friend falls into the heroic category, and, while him giving kakashi the eyeball is absolutely horrifying and appalling and 57 different levels of messed up, from kakashi's pov<- authors note interruption: originally i was typing this up in the tags but then it became too long i have to give my opinion on the eyeball scene. i have to. we're side tangenting here but okay like because the thing about naruto the series and kishimoto and their respective politics is theyre kind of at odds with each other and a solid 50% of the things kishimoto says in naruto i think he like doesnt actually agree with or is alternatively too scared to commit to so im not really sure how exactly we're supposed to interpret obito giving kakashi his eye. and im aware to some extent that the shippers are like omg….. sooooo romantic while throwing on the veneer of omg child soldiers…. so horrible……. <- purely for the ~angst~ factor but. My Opinion. and we're back at it again with the mildly edited "discord messages from when i was watching" copy-pasting:

frankly imo if you make the focus of this scene on literally anything other than how horrifying the system is 1) you kind of suck and 2) youre tremendously dumb. because like there are so many tremendously bad implications going on here between the fact that kakashi who is clearly 13-14 max despite what his voice will have you believe is a JONIN without ANY of the necessary leadership or experience skills was sent with two other twelve year olds on their own with NO adult supervision (!!) on a mission to blow up a bridge in the middle of a war (!!!) and that when one of them got half crushed by a rock his only thought was to get one of the other children to TAKE OUT HIS EYEBALL WHILE HE WAS STILL CONSCIOUS (!!!!!!!) AND STICK IT INTO ANOTHER CHILD’S EYESOCKET (!!!!!!!!!!) WHICH STILL CURRENTLY HAS AN EYEBALL IN IT EVEN IF ITS NO LONGER FUNCTIONING MEANING SHE WILL HAVE TO GRUESOMELY SCOOP OUT THE REMAINS BEFORE SHE CAN PUT THE OTHER GUYS EYEBALL IN IT (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) AND NONE OF THE CHILDREN INVOLVED HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) this is NOT romantic this is horrifying the fact that a child had to do an EYEBALL TRANSPLANT on TWO CONSCIOUS PATIENTS in a BATTLE FIELD because konoha lost a sufficient amount of adults that they decided that in order to win the war they were okay with putting CHILDREN in horrifying situations and nobody DID anything about it !!!!!!!!!!!!! and the fact that these children are so completely desensitized to this idea that again obitos first thought is "yeah here let me give you my eyeball so you can fight" IS SERIOUSLY SO BAD LIKE HELLO.HELLO. HELLO?!??!?!?!?!?!?! THE KONOHA WAR MACHINE SITUATION IS DIRE.

^in the whole context of this i was complaining about shippers but the same sort of sentiment still applies to glorifying this in any manner. like as an outsider looking into this fictional world i can very easily go "wow! this is horrifying! this is not heroic this is tremendously messed up and a society that has allowed this to happen needs to kind of be razed to the ground."HOWEVER. this does not mean that kakashi himself does not see this as something indescribably heroic and in fact he would have an incredibly hard time seeing it otherwise given The Mental Illness and also his entire childhood and way of life from birth. like if we're being honest im always thinking about the scene where iruka and kakashi are arguing over whether or not team 7 is prepared to take the chunin exam because iruka rightly points out that theyre very young and inexperienced with the implication that given people older than them have literally actually died in these exams they really should not be doing this and kakashi responds that he was six years younger than naruto when he became a chunin as a justification and its just so insanely illuminating to his perspective on a lot of this because its been so insanely twisted by having literally grown up on the battlefield and then after that joining anbu bc from his perspective theyre twice as old as he was with the added bonus of it being peacetime so its literally fine even though for the viewers it is decidedly not.

and like in some instances he does recognize how badly the ninja system has screwed over everybody personally (see: when sasuke fights all of them after killing danzo and kakashi notes that sasuke is absolutely a product of his environment) but in other cases hes just so completely blinded by having been intrenched in war and child soldiering from birth that its very very hard to be able to take a step back and look at it objectively (and especially for somebody like kakashi who if he genuinely acknowledged this might also have to confront the fact that if child soldiers absolutely 100000% should not exist in any situation ever several of the things he blames himself most for in his past would really not be much of his fault as the adults who put him in those situations in the first place. which he would rather kill himself than do). also real quick id like to take a moment to share this parallel because it SERIOUSLY makes me deranged IM OBSESSED WITH ITTTTTTTT

^ and added commentary from cartoonrival who put anything i couldve said about this into a single line

so while as viewers we ought to think the entire eyeball scene is genuinely horrifying and, in the words of my dear friend goosewhisker, "a commentary on how [the ninja] system feeds on the corpses of the people who protect it", kakashi absolutely views this as something to be aspired to and incredibly heroic because hes messed up in the head a bit as a result of growing up under the konoha war machine and if you were to go "well actually obito sucked all along" it would literally only be undermining the point the story is trying to make imo. anyways this has gotten severely derailed but this is has been my thesis on kakashis relationship with/at obito and if youve stuck around this long.well thank you for reading

#ask #anon #lorillee.txt #hatake kakashi #2.2 thousand words.......... sorryeverybody. but you know how it is with me and kakashi #and also obito but in an incredibly negative direction #it is nice to have extensive thoughts again though #this is why i need to get into more ''insanely written but compelling despite itself'' media

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creacherkeeper · 3 years

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im getting a little too in my family feels today and so INSTEAD of feeling those im just going to ramble for a second about why i fucking love paladin!aelwyn because. im. just like this i guess im coping leave me alone

cw for discussions of child abuse, maladaptive coping, drugs and alcohol, self harm, destructive tendencies, basically everything we see in canon and the implications

aelwyn is ... SO interesting to me because for as much of her interiority as we see, as much of her as we think we understand, as much as i could ramble about her character for hours, we know ALMOST NOTHING about her in actuality?? (besides ... one key thing)

(this is like 2k and probably incoherent someone please stop me)

okay. listen. almost everything we see aelwyn do in s1 is maladaptive rebellion against her parents and home life. the drinking, the drugs, the partying, perhaps some of kalvaxus (though i dont think we fully understand how much of that was forced on her as well, kalina WAS watching her when she was talking to adaine about it). you can say like, oh aelwyn is a party animal, she's impulsive, she makes risky decisions, she's bitchy and rude, and its like. okay but IS SHE ACTUALLY. because under her parents thumb she had an EXTREMELY limited amount of freedom, and usually when people are suffering from very little control over their life, they WILL act destructively over the tiny bit they can, either harming themselves or their environment or people lower than them in the pecking order, because in a way, that feels like a reclamation of autonomy. saying "you have so much power over me but can you stop me from hurting myself and destroying what you havent managed to claim yet?". its just like, kind of what human brains do and frequently has little to do with a persons actual personality or impulses, its just. desperate brains trying to control SOMETHING because autonomy is a fundamental human need and when thats taken away we get. very bad off. (this is one big reason eating disorders are SO common with abused kids.) so i think a lot of the s1 aelwyn we see is like. this is a very desperate, abused teenager "acting out" in the only way it is possibly somewhat safe for her to do so because, on a psychological level, the self destruction is weirdly the only emotional tether and its either this or just dissociate all the time (something we do see she has problems with in canon)

and yes, she did treat adaine horribly in s1. she fully did. obviously what we get in canon is what happens but a moment thats interesting to me is in episode 1 where adaine has attacked aelwyn several times, who either does nothing or just bounces it back, when she says "i never cast spells at you" and siobhan immediately retcons it and says "yes you do, all the time" (i havent gone back and watched this bit so i might be wording this wrong). obviously its an improv show and the canon is built between performers as they go, but that was interesting to me. that brennan hadnt intended for her to have fought back in that way. she definitely feeds into the emotional abuse from their parents and participates in all the toxicity there, but we know in canon that she did that because of overwhelming fear and self preservation. and that her self hatred because of it just fed back into the cycle and made her feel like she wasnt good enough to even try to break free from it. this is very common in golden child/scapegoat sibling relationships where the golden child SEES what the parents are capable of and becomes a participant in the abuse out of fear for their own standing. in any way siding with the scapegoat child not only directs abuse at themselves as well, but frequently makes things WORSE for the scapegoat because the parents will take out the challenge to their power on them even more. so, if aelwyn DID ever try to defend or help adaine when they were small, she would have VERY QUICKLY learned that made things worse for everyone. and just. sectioned that part of her brain off, as she's done with so many other things. (and i dont think im reading too much into the forest scene with the abernants to say their parents were VERY QUICK to turn abuse towards aelwyn if she stepped out of line even a little. like, you dont flinch when a hand moves unless. you know. dont need to say it just something to think about. as far as we saw in canon, she had done everything they asked of her leading up to the forest, and we DONT KNOW what happened in it but we do know brennan specifically called out how in broken spirits she was when adaine was summoned, even though they did the ritual to avoid all of the nightmare bullshit)

(the house party is literally a whole separate post but i think its fair to point out that 1) she was super under the influence when that was happening which DEFINITELY is in no way an excuse for her behavior but worth remembering when trying to analyze that 2) her losing that fight did canonically have DRASTIC consequences for her and even if she didnt know exactly how that was going to turn out, i think she knew how bad it might be. and she did not know adaine or any of the bad kids were going to be there in the first place)

all that said, it feels in some ways counterproductive to say that aelwyn is an extremely devoted and protective person (yes we're getting to the paladin shit i know i've been rambling a while) but i think that thats strangely ALL WE ACTUALLY KNOW ABOUT HER. because we've established that her self-destructive and abusive behavior in s1 is almost entirely psychologically scripted for her by her parents, we dont know how much of her villain shit in s1 was LITERALLY UNDER THREAT OF DEATH because we know at least killing the oracle was and we dont know how much of the rest of it was mandated by either her parents or kalina other than that she probably was under orders not to tell adaine the truth, and we know participating in all of this caused extreme self loathing in her that she refused to show to anybody and was too terrified to act on in any way

so, like. what does that actually leave us?

here's what we do know about aelwyn:

- of all the schools of magic, she went into abjuration

- the entire bbeg plan from season 1 hinged on aelwyn's complete faith that her level 1 sister was the most prodigious diviner in the world

- right after (?) the house party, she locked her memories where only adaine could find it with a note basically saying "theres so much bad blood between us but i know only you could find this"

- she desperately wanted to protect adaine and the fact that she was too afraid to do so made her hate herself (and her knowing that adaine now knows this is the turning point in their relationship)

- despite everything, even in the nmk forest, she still loved her parents

- the SECOND she is shown genuine love and affection and care from adaine, and adaine says whatever you do, i am here with you, all her actions from there forward are just about protecting adaine from their father, very nearly at the cost of her own life

- with what she probably thought were her last words (and would have been if adaine hadnt given her the tincture), all she wanted to communicate was how to help adaine and the bad kids, and how despite everything she had always believed in her

- at five levels of exhaustion, unconscious, she used her first spell slot after nine months of torture to build a shield around adaine

NOW we get to paladin!aelwyn. because, once everything is stripped away, the abuse and the control and the maladaption and the threats and the torture, EVERYTHING we ACTUALLY can glean about aelwyn's personality and inner core is that she's protective and devoted. and of course classes arent locked by personality, but that just screams paladin to me. its her WHOLE THING. adaine even says "wizards dont have heals, we dont care about other people" and of COURSE that isnt true for either of them, but? mechanically? aelwyn chose the wizard school that DID let her protect, and DID let her help, but i dont think, at this point, going forward, thats really going to be enough for her (and we could also talk about the parallels between them, how often adaine uses her portents to help other people)

i think a lot of the different reads on aelwyn come from this fundamental disconnect between her actions and displayed personality vs who she actually is and what she actually wants. and i think there are very different interpretations of what thats going to look like for her going forward. but i think, for a girl who's most hated characteristic about herself was her self preservation at the detriment of others, her perceived selfishness, and her fear ... isn't choosing to be braver and more selfless and more protective and shedding that self-preserving instinct for the betterment of others ... and MECHANICALLY being able to act on all those things ... the logical next step? i think its going to be a LONG TIME before aelwyn can love herself, but what other way is there to try? if adaine loves her, and adaine believes she can be better, isnt being better because she trusts adaine kind of a form of self love? saying, i dont believe in myself, but i believe in the person who believes in me, and maybe, in a roundabout way, thats the same thing. she was never able to TRY to be better before, because trying to improve even a little, even when people arent watching, when a harmful force has so much power over you and your actions ... like, the mental dissonance is honestly TOO much to even try, thats WAY more terrifying than letting yourself be bad, to the point where thats psychologically impossible for a lot of people. but now she actually has space and freedom and CHOICE and she CAN embrace the instincts she always had to shove down, she CAN be the person she knows her sister needed her to be

i dont know, i think theres an inherent love letter to yourself in wanting to be better and wanting to improve, even if you justify it by saying its for someone else. and now aelwyn actually CAN improve, and thats probably going to be extremely awkward and scary and there will be set backs and backslides for sure. but. i dont know. i think she wants to make up for lost time. because she never wanted the time to be lost in the first place. and if a protector is who she always wanted to be, whats stopping her from being that now?

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #aelwyn abernant #WHO LET ME WRITE ALL THIS #does this even. fucking. make sense. who knows.#THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT THE BRAINROT

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boy-and-girl-crazy123456 · 4 years

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saw you mentioned being bored and wanting to discourse. curious for your opinion v mine on american politics. voting is a completely rigged system. it is intended to create an illusion of choice. people who cant register should not be ashamed or hated. it’s not their fault it’s systematically bullshit. but if you can register, you should, and vote for war criminal biden, because he’s *at least* not trump, just

(second ask from same person) “okay i sneezed and sent the first ask too early and then sneezed again writing another and i can’t tell if i sent the second ask or cancelled it. i’m sorry. i have allergies lmao. anyway i have no faith that voting isnt pointless and the results dont matter, but why avoid it if its an option for you. what do you got to lose. that being said if you only vote and nothing else you’re literally doing nothing” I’m actually really glad I got this ask because I’d been considering putting down my thoughts on voting in a post or something for a bit now and this seems like a good opportunity to do so. This is basically all off the cuff and it’s very rambly and long so I apologize if this sucks to read lol

So yeah I think I more agree with you than don’t, I think voting in the US is...if not “rigged” at least systemically ineffectual, it’s controlled by the interests of capital and is set up in a fundamentally undemocratic way; on top of that the US is itself an illegitimate settler-colony and empire and you’re essentially choosing the executor of settler-colonialism and empire (i made a post a while back pushing back against the concept of a “left wing president” for this reason). So I definitely am sympathetic to people who don’t vote or simply choose not to, either for well defined ideological reasons against US empire or just a more general sense of it not mattering or having more important day to day activities living under a harsh dictatorship of capital. I also think you’re right in saying that for many people it’s not going to end up being much of a hassle; for my own part, I was able to apply entirely online and my state currently allows absentee ballots with no justification, so voting for me mostly consists of filling out a piece of paper I’ll get in the mail and be able to send back for free. So if you’re in that situation, then yeah, might as well.

As for voting for Biden, I’m not AS against it as some of the people on here are but I wouldn’t go so far as you do and say people who can get registered should vote for him. I think that voting for him solely out of desire to get Trump out is genuinely a perfectly fine reason to do so. But we shouldn’t delude ourselves about what the presidency is or what the US itself is; again, ultimately you’re just voting for the executor of the interests of capital and empire, and those interests shape the presidency more than the other way around. I think this is most evident in the bellicose attitude displayed by both candidates towards China; during the trade war I think a lot of people attributed this to some kind of pet issue of Trump’s, which isn’t entirely wrong, but it’s clear that great power competition with China has become the general focus of the American bourgeoisie and thus Biden has adopted this position as well.

There’s also third parties, which seem to be popular among the left on here, but honestly I’m pretty pessimistic about them. Many take the position of voting for the Green Party in the hopes it’ll reach the 5% threshold, but I really really doubt this’ll be met and I don’t like the GPUS enough in general to vote for them non-pragmatically. To put it bluntly I think most of the GPUS supporters on here are people who supported Bernie in the primaries and got in the mindset of compromising being a communist/socialist with voting for a social democrat. Where this gets problematic is that with Bernie he actually could’ve won AND he had a large movement to try and radicalize people out of, so the decision to compromise was a lot more understandable (I personally supported him in the primaries for this reason- the larger his share of votes before having the primary stolen from him, which was inevitable, the easier it is to divorce people from the Democratic Party); with an uninspiring candidate like Howie Hawkins and a party with essentially no path to victory, I don’t know why we’re even bothering instead of just going all out and voting for a communist. Speaking of, I also know some people (not really on here but definitely on other platforms) who are voting for the PSL ticket which I think is fine, but PSL does a lot of work besides electioneering (unlike the GPUS, who essentially show up every presidential election and neglect to do any other kind of work), so voting for them or not won’t really affect their overall status as a revolutionary party; they’re not really going for the 5% threshold because running candidates isn’t really what they focus on anyway.

But yeah at the end of the day electoralism at the present time is, I think, not an effective strategy for the left to take because the only viable option most of the time is trying to carve out a space within the Democratic Party, which is just. Not a good idea and hasn’t worked, really. So I agree with your point about just voting and nothing else being useless because I think we need to build a popular movement that doesn’t compromise on issues like settler-colonialism and empire first, and once it’s large enough and has a base we can talk about MAYBE running candidates (although I also think the structure of American government is fundamentally flawed in this respect and it might take some sort of great change first before we can do that; this could be a minor revolution changing the structures, a major one where we take power outright, or a strategy of dual power where we create a separate structure first [my suggestion])

I hope this makes any sense at all and isn’t just unreadable garbage lol I tried to respond to as many points as possible but feel free to send me more asks if any of this needs elaboration or if you have other questions etc. Also take a zyrtec or something

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somnilogical · 4 years

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modular "ethics":

a wrong and two rights make a right

<<I've been known to cause outrage by suggesting that people who really care about something shouldn't have romantic relationships. Think what would happen if I dared to suggest that those people should also seriously consider getting castrated. That would be crazy! And who am I to suggest that basically everyone claiming to be doing good is faking it? Then people would feel bad about themselves. We can't have that!>>

https://squirrelinhell.blogspot.com/2018/02/men-have-women-are.html

previously i talked about an infohazard about altruism that seemed to fuck with grognor. it feels useful to pass by the dead and look at their lives and choices.

i dont think that castrating yourself is a good intervention for doing stuff you care about, like this is patchwork constraints for an unaligned optimizer. if you arent altruistically aligned from core values, castrating yourself wont make you more aligned.

the "altruists" having babies thing is actual insane and pasek is right about that. pretty much all of society will try and gaslight you about this the way sometimes people are gaslit about "i need to have sex with lots of attractive fems to keep up my moral so i can do super good stuff afterwards.". like if people want to do good for the world it will flow out as a continuous expression of value not some brent dill kind of deal that institutions like CFAR accepted until there was too much social pressure for them to maintain this facade.

the entire premise that morality is this modular thing and you can help set the utility function of an FAI while being a terrible person, is wrong. yet organizations like CFAR keep thinking it will work out for them:

<<We believe that Brent is fundamentally oriented towards helping people grow to be the best versions of themselves. In this way he is aligned with CFAR’s goals and strategy and should be seen as an ally.

In particular, Brent is quite good at breaking out of standard social frames and making use of unconventional techniques and strategies. This includes things that have Chesterton’s fences attached, such as drug use, weird storytelling, etc. A lot of his aesthetic is dark, and this sometimes makes him come across as evil or machiavellian.

Brent also embodies a rare kind of agency and sense of heroic responsibility. This has caused him to take the lead in certain events and be an important community hub and driver. The flip side of this is that because Brent is deeply insecure, he has to constantly fight urges to seize power and protect himself. It often takes costly signalling for him to trust that someone is an ally, and even then it’s shaky.

Brent is a controversial figure, and disliked by many. This has led to him being attacked by many and held to a higher standard than most. In these ways his feelings of insecurity are justified. He also has had a hard life, including a traumatic childhood. Much of the reason people don’t like him comes from a kind of intuition or aesthetic feeling, rather than his actions per se.

Brent’s attraction to women (in the opinion of the council) sometimes interferes with his good judgement. Brent knows that his judgement is sometimes flawed, and has often sought the help of others to check his actions. Whether or not this kind of social binding is successful is not obvious.>>

https://pastebin.com/fzwYfDNq

<<AnnaSalamon 2/6/09, 5:54 AM

Aleksei, I don’t know what you think about the current existential risks situation, but that situation changed me in the direction of your comment. I used to think that to have a good impact on the world, you had to be an intrinsically good person. I used to think that the day to day manner in which I treated the people around me, the details of my motives and self-knowledge, etc. just naturally served as an indicator for the positive impact I did or didn’t have on global goodness.

(It was a dumb thing to think, maintained by an elaborate network of rationalizations that I thought of as virtuous, much the way many people think of their political “beliefs”/clothes as virtuous. My beliefs were also maintained by not bothering to take an actually careful look either at global catastrophic risks or even at the details of e.g. global poverty. But my impression is that it’s fairly common to just suppose that our intuitive moral self-evaluations (or others’ evaluations of how good of people we are) map tolerably well onto actual good consequences.)

Anyhow: now, it looks to me as though most of those “good people”, living intrinsically worthwhile lives, aren’t contributing squat to global goodness compared to what they could contribute if they spent even a small fraction of their time/money on a serious attempt to shut up and multiply. The network of moral intuitions I grew up in is… not exactly worthless; it does help with intrinsically worthwhile lives, and, more to the point, with the details of how to actually build the kinds of reasonable human relationships that you need for parts of the “shut up and multiply”-motivated efforts to work… but, for most people, it’s basically not very connected to how much good they do or don’t do in the world. If you like, this is good news: for a ridiculously small sum of effort (e.g., a $500 donation to SIAI; the earning power of seven ten-thousandths of your life if you earn the US minimum wage), you can do more expected-good than perhaps 99.9% of Earth’s population. (You may be able to do still more expected-good by taking that time and thinking carefully about what most impacts global goodness and whether anyone’s doing it.)>>

https://www.greaterwrong.com/posts/4pov2tL6SEC23wrkq/epilogue-atonement-8-8

like opposing this isnt self-denying moral aestheticism or a signalling game of how good you can look (credibly signalling virtue is actually a good thing, i wish more people did it by for instance demonstrating how they win in a way that wouldnt work if they werent aligned. whose power seeded from their alignment.). its like... the alternative where people do things that it makes no sense for an altruist to do and then say that when they go to their day jobs they are super duper altruistic they swear; compartmentalizing in this way ...doesnt actually work.

people who want to obscure what altruism looks like will claim that this is moving around a social schelling point for who is to be ostracized. and that altruism as a characteristic of a brain isnt a cluster-in-reality that you can talk about. because it will be coopted by malicious actors as a laser to unjustly zap people with. these people are wrong.

both EA and CFAR are premised on some sort of CDT modular morality working. it is actually pretending to do CDT optimization because like with brent at each timestep they are pretending to think "how can we optimize utility moving forward?" (really i suspect they are just straight up mindcontrolled by brent, finding ways to serve their master because they used force and the people at CFAR were bad at decision theory) instead of seeking to be agents such that brent when brents plans to predate on people ran through them, he would model it as more trouble than it was worth and wouldnt do this in the first place.

CFAR and EA will do things like allowing someone to predate on women because they are "insightful" or creating a social reality where people with genetic biases who personally devote massive amounts of time and money to babies who happen to be genetically related to them and then in their day job act "altruistically". as long as it all adds up to net positive, its okay right?

but thats not how it works and structures built off of this are utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life. in just the same way that "scientists" who when they arent at their day jobs are theists are an utterly insufficient to bring eutopia to sentient life.

<<Maybe we can beat the proverb—be rational in our personal lives, not just our professional lives. We shouldn’t let a mere proverb stop us: “A witty saying proves nothing,” as Voltaire said. Maybe we can do better, if we study enough probability theory to know why the rules work, and enough experimental psychology to see how they apply in real-world cases—if we can learn to look at the water. An ambition like that lacks the comfortable modesty of being able to confess that, outside your specialty, you’re no better than anyone else. But if our theories of rationality don’t generalize to everyday life, we’re doing something wrong. It’s not a different universe inside and outside the laboratory.>>

to save the world it doesnt help to castrate yourself and make extra super sure not to have babies. people's values are already what they are, their choices have already been made. these sort of ad-hoc patches are what wrangling an unaligned agent looks like. and the output of an unaligned agent with a bunch of patches, isnt worth much. would you delegate important tasks to an unaligned AI that was patched up after each time it gave a bad output?

it does mean that if after they know about the world and what they can do, people still say that they specifically should have babies, i mark them as having a kind of damage and route around them.

someone not having babies doesnt automatically mark them as someone id pour optimization energy into expecting it to combine towards good ends. the metrics i use are cryptographically secure from being goodharted. so i can talk openly about traits i use to discern between people without worrying about people reading about this and using it to gum up my epistemics.

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familyagrestefanblog · 5 years

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In continuity Behavior and Details of the Sentimonster and what we can take from it + The effect of Cataclysm

Has anyone noticed yet that the two Sentimonster we have seen up to date (Hawkmoths in "Mayura" and Baby Augusts in "Miraculer") show a very particular Behavior pattern which helps us to better understand these creatures? It actually kinda blew my mind when I noticed it, let me show you! :D

But let me warn you, this got long ^^

I'll start with Augusts Lollipop Sentimonster because it has more screen time.

Same as always with Hawkmoth, Mayura sends out one of her corrupted feather after she spots the upset Baby August. In context of this episode, one has to remeber that this Sentimonsters attack actual purpose was to set Chloe up for getting akumatized, so going for the Baby here (even though its morally wrong as hell) was not a bad move at all.

(Behold the Lollipop-monster, that my medicine influenced 2 am gif making self lovingly called “Lollipopulus Giganticus”, the diabetis brother of Mothitus Giganticus but we will get to that later)

The design. is. on point! The “akumatized” (do we really not have a name for this yet??) person is a baby who hasnt developed any complex thoughts and hasnt quite adopted the weird human need to completely humanoid monsters yet. The Baby is simple minded = The Sentimonster has a simplistic design without actual features or anything. August just has a HUGE desire for Lollipops so thats what the monster is. Some big ass Lollipops. Love it. 10/10, would lick again

Also take note how the Sentimonster stands here. It appears right in front of the Baby and even though it has no features like a face or anything we can still adumbrate from the camera-angle and the placement of the head and the lower arms that it faces away from August. Like a protector ready to defend. Remember that the Peacocks power is to summon a protector for someone and the following moments will give us more insight on how these protectors behave in a special occation.

Right after the Lollipop monster appears as his protector we see this. August is so delighted to see gigantic Lollipops that his pacifier (is this how you call it in english? I only get weird words as results when I look it up) falls out of his mouth and thats the catalyst moment for the monsters behavior!

Cuz the feather is in the pacifier and in my theory the feather-akumatized object is how the feather-akumatized Person can control their protector. Which of course they should be able to. The Akuma victims are also free to use their powers to their own will and imo it would make very little sense to give someone a protector but only the (maybe very busy) miraculous holder has control over it. So I think as long as the feather-akumatized person is in possesion of the feather-object they alongside Mayura are the masters (with Mayura, as the miraculous holder, still having the upper hand like Hawkmoth being able to “dicipline” his free will Champions through pain (Which btw makes actually alot of sense even if or ESPECIALLY if the Miraculos are meant to be used for good. You dont wanna have a champion running around refusing orders/ or using their powers for a bad purpose without a way to keep them in check just in case. I think Mayura will have something like this too. That whoever right now posesses the feather-object can be “diciplint” by her for misusing the protector. But I digress)

But the thing is, August looses his pacifier the moment the monster appears, so the only one in control over it is Mayura at the moment but she...doesnt, the whole time. She just lets the monster do whatever on autopilot (Which makes sense concidering that the Sentimonster is only there for the sake of assembling the heros again and upsetting Chloe. Why commanding and controlling the monster when its not needed for the plan? Natalie saves her energie whICH IS PROBABLY A GOOD IDEA SINCE USING THE PEACOCK IS KILLING HER)

What? What I mean with on autopilot? Oh let me show you, its awesome!

Cuz the moment that August, the person the Lollipop PROTECTOR is supposed to PROTECT, looses his control over his Sentimonster it knows that its little human master has no way to command it in the needed ways to protect himself from danger anymore. And since the Peacock isnt giving it other commands the Monster follows its instinct

And what is this instinct?

This!

Right the moment its human master looses the control object, it turns around to check how and why this happened. Here it happened by sheer accident. August doesnt understand that its important that he keeps his pacifier but under normal circumstances the human master loosing the feather object would mean that they were attacked, hurt or otherwise in danger

And thats exactly what the Sentimonster is thinking, when it sees August being taken away by his mother. Because in the next shot with it

We see. it chasing. after. THE BABY! Oh my god kudos to you SentiSweety, you go protect your “kidnapped” little master!

This is such an awesome trait these Sentimonsters seem to have that the moment they fear their humans are in fundamental danger without being able to protect themselves with their help, their priority number 1 is chasing after them to save them. It makes so much sense that they would have this instinct but somehow it still blew my mind when i noticed it! :D

Okay next and last important Lollipopulus moment (I think i’ll keep that name. My loyal Diabetes son deserves a name and fight me on this however you want, but he looks like a “Lollipopulus” kind of guy to me. Look at that jaw-line, it demands an “ulus” ending”)

The Sentimonster isnt just attacking LB and CN for the heck of it. We know that it thinks its master got kidnapped and is in danger, so when it sees our heros here getting ready to fight IT, of course it would think that they are “bad” too. Probably for an Sentimonster whoever is against it and the master-to-protect will be seen as “allied evil” by it, especially in autopilot modus.

Also. When you fear your protégé is in mortal danger so you wanna save them at all cost and then someone attacks YOU, you fight back. HARD. Because when the attackers hinder or even defeat you, noone is there to save and protect your protégé. And for an Sentimonster, save and protecting their masters is their entire purose of existing. So yes, Lollipopulus here wont hesitate a second to fight LB and CN just so it can get to August.

Though I might add, that I still think Sentimonsters are resonable creatures when used by or for a good person. They only want the best for their masters. So lets say Mayura would have featherrupted Augusts mother instead but she still had lost the control-object. So while running away with August (and the Sentimonster running after her in autopilot) she had met one of her 3 men and they ended up cowerig somewhere trying to protect each other and the baby. When the monster had arrived and had seen that the unkown man is protecting her and that SHE is protecting HIM too, the Sentimonster wouldnt have done anything to the man. Obviously the man is no danger to its master and the master trusts the man.

When the master has the control-object this is even easier because then you can simply tell the monster that your friends, familie or whatever arent enemies. Then they will be under the Sentimonsters protection too. Of course this works the other way around too and is probably how the Sentimonsters will be used for evil. Give them an akuma victim as master and they can be one hell of a threat trying to protect them.

So coming back to the situation in the gif. I think if LB and CN had calmly talked to the Sentimonster, asking if its looking for its protégé and if they can help, the Lollipop monster would not have attacked at all. Like I said, the Monsters just want the best for their masters and to protect them. The way I see it, when a Sentimonster is on autopilot it decides for itself who's friend and who's foe. This could lead to interesting development in future because right now team miraculous still sees most everything very black-and-white, as seen above, they inmediadly went to attack when it probably wasn't needed at all. The fact that Chat Noirs family are literally the bad guys is gonna help alot to open up the grey area between black and white but smaller things like this, trying to understand and becoming allies with Sentimonster could also add another layer to their growth as well

Though Mayura was still in the picture here so she totally would have commanded the monster to attack the heros. Still you get my point.

Okay let's go over to Hawkmoths Sentimonster before I'll continue endlessly

With this one I'll kinda skip the beginning, I'll just go quickly over the most important factors and then focus more on the new and interesting stuff.

With Hawkmoth we saw that Mayura does the same as he does. She sends out something corrupted, it finds an object, she telepathically communicates with the person and we get MOTHITUS GIGANTICUS

Before I start let me quickly point out that just like Augusts Sentimonster the butterfly appears right before Hawkmoth, facing his foes and ready to defend its master. The behavior pattern is there and will mostly likely be continued is most of the Sentimonster cases.

Alright lets talk about the design!

When you concider that Mothitus’ purpose was to be the “teaser” Sentimonster and to gently be our introduction for Mayuras powers and for the bigger and grander Sentimonsters to come then this is one great design. Its obviously something we havent seen yet but it isnt completely out there either so that we dont understand at all what going on anymore literally 20 seconds before the end of the fight. That would have been a bad style choice for a (maybe) never returning Monster, so they definitly did the right thing with this butterfly.

The design in general is really gorgeous in my opinien. Look at the little details! The wings, the tail, the head! I also like that designers were able to create a model that can be both a butterfly and a moth at the same time. Yes they are simular, but they still look different enough that they totally could have created a model which just would have looked like either a butterfly OR a moth. They made it work with both and thats awesome!

Even if I know that Mothitus doesnt exactly count as a legit Sentimonster (since its practically more used as an lore and future teaser than an actual enemy) I still find the parallels between Hawkmoth and his butterfly monster and August and his Lollipop monster very interesting. Like I said above, August Lollipop monster was gigantic but simplistic in design since August is just a simple minded baby with a huge desire for Lollipops. Key words gigantic but simple. Hawkmoths Sentimonster on the other hand is alot smaller but much richer in detail because of his adult (and designer) mind. Beside that Gabriel also focused alot more on the monsters function than August (what a surprise I know). The butterflys wind are so strong that they can blow away all the heros and untangle Ladybugs yoyo net. Also with its wings and smaller body it would be able to quickly hunt the heros no problem. The Lollipop monster on the other hand was only good for crashing its Lolli arms into buildings, beside that it had no other useful qualities. Also It was too large to effectivly chase after the “kidnapped” August, not exactly well thought out August up your Monster game please.

In shorter Hawkmoth created a useful protector and August...well, his lollipop fever dream. Babies will be babies

Okay lets start with what is new though (or better said, what different this time).

For one the fact that August lost his control object but Hawkmoth never had it on him in the first place. This actually doesnt make a lot of difference in the Sentimonsters behavior, just that lollipopulus checked on his master what hapened that August lost his object and if he is in danger and Mothitus already knew that his Master was in grave danger and didnt had to check to know.

Then “Mayura” gave us the comfirmation straight away that Natalie can snap the Sentimonsters away like that

Also this shows us that Mayura is willing to strategically stop the Sentimonsters when she sees no use in them anymore. That is very different from Hawkmoth! She seems to really be here only to get results, not to make a show or take some kind of sadistic pleasure out of this or whatever. This move alone makes her seem like a scarily competent and level headed supervillain and honestly, its still one of my favorite things Mayura has done til now. Just this little snap speaks VOLUMES about her! :D

And then the BIGGEST difference is that after accepting the featherruption August was happy and healthy whereas Hawkmoth became weak and hurt.

Before “Miraculer” came out this is what I thought was what would normally happen to the featherrupted people. That because of the peacocks brokeness the people who Mayura powers up get hurt along side her (cuz before his featherruption Gabriel was completely fine) but, no, August is perfectly fine. This means there are two options here

That something happenes in “Reflektdoll” which makes Mayuras powers useable again so that the akuma victims wont get weakened from her giving them back-up (which is possible in my opinien, I could see this happening)

That something was different about this featherruption that normally wouldnt be the case. And I might have an idea even if I dont know if its really something the show would do. Would be totally awesome though if this were legit!

Okay, the one detail that DEFINITELY is different here from at least 90% of all the future featherruptions is that Hawkmoths control-object was CATACLYSMED!

To understand why I think the control-object being cataclysmed beforehand would have such an effect I need to clearify that even though I’m saying that Hawkmoth and Mayura “corrupt” their butterflies/akumas, feathers and the victims, its frankly nowhere true at all. I just like saying it like that. What they do is basically just filling the butterflies/feathers with power and let them find a fitting person so they can 1. build the connection between them and the chosen and 2. then manipulate the chosen people so they join them. There is no corruption going on here. Neither do they break or control either the butterflies/feathers nor the people themselves. They power up, thats what they do.

The cats power of destruction on the other hand is a whole different story here.

I’m planning on doing a whole post just about this at some point in future with alot more details, thoughts and ideas but I’ll try to do my best to explained it here without putting you guys through another 5000+ words of wildly digressing. (Me now 4 hours later: Yeah no I did it again, It got long xD)

Basically my point is that the Ladybug is capable of purifying the akumas and the feathers. “Purifying” IS the right word to use here because something doesnt have to be explicitly “corrupted” to be purifyied. As I said, Hawkmoth and Mayura power up, that means even if they dont corrupt them they still change the nature of the feather/butterfly and that is what the Ladybug reverses. So Ladybugs purifying (and the Miraculous Ladybug for that matter) is basically her taking back the changes other people did to something. Thats whats happening every episode and thats why shes the one again dealing with the feathers. She reverses what has been changed, no other power does that.

Back to Chat Noir

The show has explicitly told us that the Cat and the Ladybug are the most powerful miraculous in existence and that fact still stands even if Chat noir right now can not and doesnt WANT to use his powers or explore them to their limits in the current situation (speak, that they try to spread hope and safty in terror attacks which wreck the city almost on a daily basis. Not exactly the right time or space to use and try out new ways of using the boundless power of destruction). I dont think I have to explain that this is not how the situation will be forever, of course Adrien will actually use his powers to their limits later, the show forshadowed that to hell and back by now and “Chat Blanc” will VISUALLY introduce us to what CN actal powers look like (I'M SO EXCITED!!!) the same way they did it with queen bee/wasp (im not the only one who made the connection that they use the power up of the akumatization to show us or at least forshadow the Miraculouses future actual powers right? RIGHT???

Anyway, I DIGRESS

The Cat and the Ladybug are equals and since they are also Yin and Yang for each other it also means that not only do they as individuals and the nature of their miraculouses complete each other, their powers too complete the circle.

So when Ladybug can purify (again, meaning that she reverses every damage and everything that other people do to something) the Cat should be able to corrupt everything.

To keep this paragraph shorter (I will go into so much more detail in the post for this topic oh my god) lets just explain this with the example from the Heros day. The Cats destruction and “corruption” is showing itself here with something Chat Noir is doing all the time: He isnt completely pullverizing the akuma-object to dust, hes rather damaging and weakening it to the point were it cant be used for its original purpose anymore and is easily breakable/aleady falling apart. (This seems to be the default affect of Cataclysm) In this case it is Hawkmoths weapon, which is his cane/sword.

In my theory when Chat Noir uses Cataclysm on something he not only does the above, he also inflicts the still existing object with some kind of...lets call it a virus. Now you may ask yourself “Why? Why should destroying something so hard that it looses basically every usage it had + infecting it with an destructive virus but NOT actually destroying it out of existence be the default state of cataclysmed objects? Shouldnt the power of pure destruction rather basically wipe everything touched out of existence?”

And that is were we were wrong! And I am saying “we” because its almost 4am here and I just fucking noticed this and went back on my laptop oh my GOD I’m excited again! :D

The default of Cataclysm isnt “destroying it out of existence” because that is not what “Destruction” is. That is “Annihilation”! Destruction and annihilation are two very different concepts that shouldnt be mixed up but everybody is doing it because of how we use the word “destruction/destroy” in our daily vocabulary. That is why probably almost everybody of us at least once asked themselves why Chats cataclysm is portrayed so “oddly” in the show. “He’s not really destroying it, hes just fucking it up!” And thats exactly what hes doing because thats exactly what his power is! He’s destroying it so fucking hard that the cataclysmed object loosed every usage it could have. He’s not messing like Roi Singe either, the object is completely fucking worthless now! 100%. But what hes NOT doing is taking it out of existence because THAT is Annihiliation. Not the concept of his power. The only time you will see annihilation instead of destruction is when it concernes BODYS (Like Chats cataclysm death in “Catalyst” because by god they really can not show messed up human bodies slowly dying on the show. Only exception)

Now working with the actual “destruction” concept and not with the wrongly used “annihilation” one, the destructive “virus” in the destroyed object seems alot more plausible. Because when Chat Noir uses the power of pure destruction on something, really every usage it could possibly have needs to be effected by it and THAT also includes the possibility of it being used as an out of reach object for Akumatizations or featherruptions for example. Without the “Virus” Hawkmoths cane still would have had a consequence free use there but WITH the virus spreading through it the featherruption got corrupted by Chats destruction and hurt and weakened Hawkmoth so much that a limping Gabriel collapsed around somewhere still nearby and had to detransform out of exhaustion. And frankly, Mayura only powered up the cane for a really short amount of time. Imagine how Gabriel would have ended up if this had gone longer. He probably wouldnt have been able to recover so quickly afterwards

Alright guys this is really everything I have for this, let me know what you think ^^ And @letsescapismlife I hope i could partly show you why I love Miraculous so much. Dont get me wrong, I still have some other posts in work for your request but just the theorizing the whole night through and getting excited at 4am because you just noticed something, is one of the biggest joys I get out of this show ^^

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #ml theory #natalie sancoeur #gabriel agreste #adrien agreste #mayura #hawkmoth #le papillon #chat noir #cat noir #ml spoilers #miraculer #ml heros day #Chat Noirs powers of destruction #behavior of the Sentimonsters #Sentimonster #ml baby August #Mayuras peacock powers

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fuckblizzardbearlover · 4 years

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vauging post is vague*

So like i dont know why people post stuff they dont want ppl to comment on or reblog. Literally the entire point of putting stuff on the internet is for other people to interact with it. if you just want to write your thoughts a word document will work just fine. The only thing i can think of is wanting to make sure everyone else sees YOUR opinion while you dont have to see others.

Regardless. Saying that characters dont deserve redemption (at the moment in their story) is not saying that you need someone elses permission to change.

Maybe you are thinking of forgiveness. But REDEMPTION is a cosmic idea.

“ to make up for; make amends for; offset (some fault, shortcoming, etc.): “

“ to deliver from sin and its consequences by means of a sacrifice offered for the sinner. “

redemption is the PROCESS of understanding what you did wrong, why it was wrong , feeling guilt for it and enacting the process of trying to fix it with the understanding that it might never be enough. thats why all those crycry edgy animes has the protagonist trying to save every life they can and suffering any punishment they are met out because they murdered so many people in the samurai war or whatever and even if they saved hundreds of lives it ‘wont be enough”

Its not something people can give you. If you, say, go to the family of every person related to the person you killed and ask them to judge you and they all forgive you, you are not redeemed. the very nature of redemption, regardless of ones belief is the idea of there being some sense of justice and force of good in the world and the hope that if you do enough good it wont FIX what you broke but it will MAKE UP FOR IT, because the whole point is the thing you did CANNOT BE FIXED.

and that is my point. No Jasper didnt get ‘her moment’ nor a redemption arc because 1) its “steven universe” not “Space Gem Alien Opera” and the focus isnt on her, and 2) for her to get a redemption and start the arc would require her recognizing that what she did was wrong and then make the CHOICE to make up for it. I would say periodot and Lapis are STILL trying to redeem themselves. based on the narrative, when Greg first told steven about the war, the gems (rightfully) still feel guilty about their peoples near destruction of the billions of life forms on earth (which is compounded by the fact that it wasnt untill steven forced them to socialize, that they even saw the humans as equals and worth saving, and by their own admission only did it because its what rose wanted).

Thats my point Jasper LOVED the totalitarian government, she ENJOYS hurting people. SHe KNOWS they suffer and that gives her PLEASURE. She Likes the way gem society is because it means she gets to kill things and torture other gems who are beneath her. she fully believes in imperialism. She-does not-deserve-redemption. At least not until about a full seasons character development. it took peridot multiple episodes to decide to help the good guys and that was to save herself and several more episodes before she considered herself a steward of the life on Earth. ANd she never ENJOYED being evil.

And same goes for shadowweaver. There COULD be character development that changed her personality. but as her personality is at the moment she doesnt have a good bone in her body. she does not care about life nor people, except those that she deems belonging to her. And that was my point. she didnt have a tragic backstory. She was a Haughty bully who saw everyone else as beneath her. When the rulers of her kingdom decided the risks were to much she said she knew more than any of them and risked herself, her charge, and the whole kingdom. and when they didnt accept her monsterous mistake for the brilliance she saw it as, she went to the most evil organization she knew to trade power for the lives of those under her protection.

She does not care for anyone, she is evil and selfish. she has never even questioned if she was doing the right thing, she values no one’s opinion but her own, and she fundamentally sees manipulation as the main form of interacting with people. She-Does not-Deserve-Redemption.

At least not until she has a fundamental change in personality, an epiphany a realization that Every horrible thing that has happened to her has been her fault because she CHOSE magic and power over people.

And keep in mind that recongizing that a FICTIONAL character that is in a STORY is not at a point in their CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT to deserve to be redeemed, something the most penitent people might not achieve....Does not make one a hater or an anti or whatever. I love jaspers character and SHadowweaver is one of my favorite characters in She Ra and i Hope both finally reach that epiphany in a well crafted reasonable way (which i believe the writers are capable of doing). But they arent there yet and might never be there because of the Core aspects of their character.

Catra is a CHILD who’s bad habits and personality traits were created out of FEAR and her narrative arch has been amazing. Because its been done well, forcing her to hit rock bottom so she can see her fuck ups. but She did not choose to live in the fright zone, she didnt choose her caretaker, But she DID choose to not abandon the horde, she did choose to value her pride over friendship. And thats what her path has led her to.

hitting rock bottom, realizing that while she had legitmate reasons to be a skamp that her losing everything was HER FAULT. She’s hit rock bottom, she’s realized her unhappyness is caused by her own hand, and now the healing can begin.

So if it took catra 5 seasons to even see the dawn of her redemption arch, i highly doubt Mrs “i’m going to sell out my children for power” will get one any time before the series is cancelled.

*and i’m VAGUE POSTING not @ ing because 1)I dont want to harrass the person who inspired this post 2) i want to put this post out there for other people to see because i think many people need to see it 3) This gives them the option to read or not read it nor does it call attention to them 4)lots of people here are really stupid and do that “I’m going to post something where millions of people can see it but dont anyone dare respond to it!” thing where you make your post private after someone gives a fairly respectful rebuttle, and i AM calling ALL you bitches out cus its fucking dumb. stop doing that.

#she ra #Catra #she ra spoilers #shadow weaver #jasper #steven universe spoilers #steven universe future #peridot #redemption arc #narrative discussion

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dangerliesbeforeyou · 5 years

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HIStory’s ranked (no one asked, but here i go)

so i was sittin here, talkin to myself about the HIStory series’ and was like ‘hey, i should rank them’ (which i’ve seen a few other people do, but mines a lot more rambling than there’s because i can’t shut up lol)

so here’s my views lol (ordered from worst to best, imo):

6) My Hero (HIStory1) -

probably universally acknowledged as the worst episode, and i’d be inclined to agree with the masses on this lol... not only is the tone and humour of this series so weird and disjointed, but the entire story line literally makes no sense lol?? it’s unclear who the audience should be rooting for (especially as it goes out of it’s way to paint our protagonist as really unlikable lol, not to mention the love interest is the dullest character ever conceived like ???), as well as this the ending feels completely unrelated and bizarre...

i think this concept /could/ have worked if the guy the woman was inhabiting (which sounds weird without context, but like she’s dead lol) was somehow also inside his head? or if she got to see his memories or whatever & tries to adjust her personality to match the guy’s, causing love interest!dude to fall in love with the guy... (like i could go into more detail, i basically hav an entire au written in my head lol, but yh...)... that way, her letting go of him in the end would feel so much more well set up? especially if she was generally more understanding and likeable..

i think overall this series just fails in telling a decent story lol... & the cringe is even beyond what i can handle lol

5) Obsessed (HIStory1) -

people might be surprised to see this one so low down, especially since i know a lot of people really love this series (& if u do, no hate to u btw, ur allowed to like whatever u want idc), but i realllllly don’t like this series... like at all ...

the plot is weird anyway, which isnt inherently a bad thing, but then u add on the really bad couple and it’s just...... bad lol... like everything about their relationship is built on lies and deceit, and even more so than that it’s built on a lack of mutual respect and fundamental trust for each other! tall guy (i don’t know names soz) feigns memory loss in order to get closer to short guy (btw, the scenes with them being domestic were really sweet, & i firmly believe this could have been an alright series for the actors if the story line wasn’t so bad), short guy’s whole existence in that universe was a lie lol (like i know there’s no easy way to tell someone ‘lol well i’m technically from the future’ but still), then there’s the whole resolution at the end & it’s just so ??? frustrating lol!

nothing bugs me more than seeing conflict in relationships (on screen or irl) that could be solved simply by TALKING TO EACH OTHER GODDAMNIT & isnt lol... my other issue with this series is the fact tall guy 100% forced himself upon short guy in the tent & like we’re just supposed to accept it cos ?? he’s saying no and pushing away but actually he wants it because he loves tall guy ?? like fuck no i’m not accepting that lol!

basically, bad & bizarre story & characters, & gross tropes just makes this hard for me to watch and enjoy lol... i think, like in my hero, this could’ve done with being a different story altogether lol... (maybe tall guy actually did lose his memory & he falls for short guy all on his own with no predatory intentions?? idk something like that)

4) Right or Wrong (HIStory2)

this one & my number 3 are very much tied tbh, but this one is just slightly lower just because i’m not as big into the couple as i know a lot of people are... & it’s not necessarily the age gap, cos i dont actually mind age gaps in pairings (just as long as the younger one isnt a minor, obv... and also i think any gap that’s 30+ years is a bit weird lol..).. i think my big problem with this is i dont really see why younger guy (again, i have no idea of any of these characters’ names lol) would fall for the older guy? like the older guy is obvs going thru some issues, and hasnt been taking care of himself or his kid properly because of them, but like we dont rly see a lot of why he’s a great guy? like we get the sense young guy is attracted to him, but like love is more than just thinkin they’re hot lol... idk lol this might just be me tbh i just couldnt see why he’d be interested lol

i did like the whole family side though, and showing how a man who was previously with a woman can still end up with a guy (bisexualityyyyy (or some variation of that thereupon)) is something you dont always see in media, so i thought that was pretty cool! (even if the ex-wife thing was kinda lame lol...)

i think overall i see what this series was going for, and that it actually did an alright job in some parts... the biggest problem is that it’s kinda just forgettable lol... maybe that’s why people like obsessed so much lol? maybe it was a train wreck but ohh boy at least u wont forget it in a hurry lol!

3) Stay Away From Me (HIStory1) -

i’m a bit torn about this one, cos there are parts of it i actually really like (them going from rivals/enemies to being good friends to being more), and other parts i really didnt (the stereotypical squealing yaoi fangirl friend)... & tbh, i kinda wish this had just been a show about the budding friendship between the 2 guys... it almost feels too forced to me that they’re made to ‘fall in love’ when i actually think them both becoming less selfish and learning to respect each other as step brothers & friends is actually already a really great story (& i know that it doesnt fit with the whole ‘HIStory’ thing, but stories of platonic brotherhood/’bromance’ are just as important as gay representation... isnt a /substitute/ for representation, don’t get me wrong, but it’s always so beautiful to see decently portrayed non-toxic friendships between guys... ok this is a rant for another day tho shhh)

i think maybe why i like this one more than the other HIStory1′s is because kinda nothing happens lol... it’s not overly complex with weird unexplained magic things happening, it’s just a simple story lol... is it still tropey as hell? of course lol! but i think the ‘realism’ of the world really helps, and i def think this was incorporated more into HIStory 2, which i’m really glad about...

overall, this is a relatively harmless series & is actually quite sweet at times... the kiss is awkward as fuck tho (there, i said it lol...)... it suffers the same forgetability as right or wrong tho...

2) Crossing the Line (/Boundary Crossing) (HIStory2) -

ok, so here’s a series i 100% love & totally agree with the hype around lol! i hav no interest in volleyball (or any sports tbh), but the way this show handles the friendships and dynamics between the characters is really well done, especially for a series that’s only 8 episodes long! i also really love that none of the characters really fall into any stereotypes (which is a great improvement from HIStory1 i can tell u lol), and are given the space to actually have some growth & nuance at times?!

(nuance? in MY HIStory series?? it’s more likely than you think!)

the main couple have really amazing chemistry, and the way they get together doesnt feel too out of place or that it’s going to fast, it just sorta flows really nicely... even the side couple are pretty well done (though i wasnt that big into them on my first watch, just cos the whole overbearing older brother thing was kinda annoying... i liked them more as the series went on tho...)

i kinda dont have any major complaints? which is bizarre cos i always hav complaints about things lol... maybe my complaint would be that they all look way too old and attractive to be whatever teenage age they’re supposed to be lol... (but tbh that doesnt take anything away from the story so i’ll forgive them lol...)... i think maybe i wouldnt consider it my favourite because the story line didnt grab me like the number 1... but i really cant fault it in terms of what it delivers lol, legit such a well put together series!

1) Trapped (HIStory3) -

lol i think anyone who’s been following me for the past few months aren’t in the slightest bit surprised this is my number one... i just love it too much lol!

from the incredibly well written and well acted characters, to the interesting and engaging (even if a bit ridiculous) plot, to the beautifully told romance , it really has it all doesn’t it!!! & i think even if this wasnt an enemies to lovers thing (aka one of the most godtier of all fanfic tropes), there’s so many things going for this series that make it worth watching! i have a few complains about editing choices and a few bad trope plot points which were just unnecessary (plus the fact we missed out on a lot of background info on some major characters lol...), but like despite everything this series rly struck a chord with me deep down in my soul lol

i could go waaay more into detail (and maybe i will one day lol... tho not rn, i’m v tired), but the gist of the matter is: i really love trapped lol

(conclusion)

Even though i’ve complained quite a bit here, i am so grateful for the HIStory series’ for bringing really interesting, and a little mad, stories with gay characters and story lines, with a big emphasis on happy endings! there are so many lgbt stories/characters in things that end up dying or just have bad endings, which just sends this horrible message that lgbt people aren’t worthy of having happy endings, which is completely untrue!

So i look forward to future HIStory’s, even if some of them are gonna be bad (& maybe none will live up to the trapped!shaped bullet firmly lodged in my heart lol)

fin~

#HIStory series #HIStory1 #HIStory2 #HIStory3 #(not gonna tag them all individually cos we'll be here for years lol)#review #rant #(not really)#gay series #taiwanese series #lgbt series #lgbtq #HIStory #i've not read it through lol... might make no sense... dont read this lol

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void-official · 5 years

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“Micro-identities/’Mogai/ya’ll literally just be making shit up now” OK. i’m sorry im stuck on this and this is the last i’ll talk about it today bc fuck it. I’m gonna be Real for a second. And it’s going to be awkward, and it’s going to be long, and I’m gonna Lose Follower bc defending micro-labels is Cringe. Whatever. I get it. go ahead and unfollow. The rest of you who actually care. and in the spirit of Pride Month, as someone who feels like they’re almost never allowed to express Pride in who I am? Here we go.

I’m bi. Most of you can probably tell, im not exactly subtle about it.

I’m bi. But

my actual interest in dating or having sex with Anyone has been pretty much negligible for my entire life. I just don’t Care. I never have. Dating and sex seem like a hassle to me and I don’t feel like i’m particularly missing out by not taking part in them. It doesn’t negate my enjoyment of peoples bodies necessarily, nor does it mean I never get crushes on people it just means at the end of the day, my desire to go out there and find people to have sex with and/or date has always been like. really really low. Even if the opportunity was there. And i’ve come to terms with this. I accept this about myself.

There is actually a great deal of overlap between bi and ace identity. all those ‘weird little terms’ like ‘demisexual’ you guys hate so much were originally created for people like me, who feel like they are fundamentally not allowed to call themselves something straightforward like ‘bi’ (or straight/gay/lesbian) without people inevitably screaming at them for Doing It Wrong. So they can describe how they feel in a brief word, instead of having to go through the pains of explaining the complex relationship they have with sexual attraction to every fucking person who asks what their sexuality is.

saying ‘well you should just be able to say bi and leave it at that’ doesn’t actually account for the experiences i have when i Just Say i’m Bi. Even me Just Saying ‘im bi’ i’ve always gotta deal with harassment from people whoget weirdly agressive about -why- i’m not out there fucking or dating the people i claim im attracted to. Am I a prude? a Tease? Just an ‘Acey’ lying for brownie points? Am I Actually Just Traumatized? (They ask in a really aggressive condescending way, like thats actually how you should talk to someone you think is potentially traumatized) But by the standards of this discourse, i’m not allowed to call myself ace either, because then people are going to yell at me that if I experience the tiniest smidgen of sexual attraction or romantic inclination sometimes, or post pictures of sexy video game characters, clearly i cant be that either I literally can’t win. there is not a thing I can call myself that won’t earn me the ire of LGBT people on tumblr who think they know me and what i should call myself better than I do. And believe me i hate talking about this More than you do. I’d rather just shut up and let people Assume i’m whatever they want me to be sometimes but then mutuals i thought i trusted will inevitably openly make fun of the people who outwardly call themselves demisexual or whatever microlabel is trendy to shit on currently, and usually i bite my tongue cause at the end of the day its Just Words, right? I don’t even use that word, right? Its just words and some words can be interchangeable and not everyone knows what they mean which can feel alienating and unnecessary to people who don’t understand them. I -get- why people ‘cringe’ when they see like 10 terms they don’t understand in someones bio. why do you think i don’t even list anything about my sexuality in mine other than my pronouns?

but I always remember like. just bc that label isnt For Me, it doesn’t mean there might be someone in a similar position to me who doesnt feel comfortable just calling themeslves bi, and prefers the label ‘demisexual biromantic’ who feels like that phrase puts them in a place of peace and contentment, and I wouldn’t argue with them about it. Bc thats their fucking choice. Them being happy with who they are takes priority over my personal opinions of the language they use. same with gender nonconforming people who dont want call themselves trans or nonbinary. Thats fucking Fine. I’m not telling you to have to use the same words as me if you don’t feel like they’re necessary or accurate. I literally don’t give a rats ass what words you use to identify yourself so long as they’re not being used to hurt other people. I just want to be able to have Words, for myself, that describe how I feel, that don’t result in people treating my entire identity like some shitty discourse Meme. And right now I have none. No matter what I call myself, people choose tell me it’s not accurate, or its too complicated.

As for all these shitty fucking posts about people ‘forcing’ young people to take up labels. This. This doesn’t actually happen? (OK I won’t say it doesn’t happen ever on an individual level? but that its not something enforced or encouraged by any group as a practice, and that distinction is necessary, bc saying it happens on a large scale literally implies predatory intentions from a massive group of people instead of members of the group behaving poorly as individuals)

Demisexual people as a whole have literally never told me i had to call myself demi just bc my sense of how i experience attraction might be similar to theirs. Ace people as a whole don’t usually tell people whose lack of sexual attraction is caused by trauma or who havent developed enough to experience sexual attraction that they -have- to call themselves ace. Most Bi or Pan people are fine with the fact that their labels have a lot of overlap and that the line between these things can be murky, they arent actually constantly ready to tear each others throats out over whose terminology is correct. All of this shit is made up by hateful people, or people taking a few examples of poor behavior out of context as an excuse to shit on everyone else, and well meaning people keep falling for it bc it -seems- helpful to be. reactive. I guess? to people you’re constantly told are hurtful to the causes of marginalized people. but im telling you. its not true. literally nobody forces you to call yourself any of these words, they just Exist out there in case you want them, and if you think thats somehow a threat to other peoples identities or to Minors just like, conceptually, for existing, for being Too Specific, im sorry but what other word is there for your reaction than phobic? If an individual derails a conversation about Y to be like “You didn’t include _X_” or tries to force their views on a minor who hasn’t developed a stable sense of identity yet, that is an Individual behaving in an inappropriate manner, not an invitation for you to throw the whole group under the bus. I hate to tell you but if you’re using examples of individuals on tumblr who say stupid shit, everyone on tumblr says stupid shit and butts in conversationally where they’re not welcome. Universally. It’s how tumblr is formatted. Trust me, I have like 4 viral posts going right now.

i’m just tired of it at this point. im not cool with people who stretch to make fun of micro-labels all the time and think they’re being woke allies or w/e to the ‘real LGBTs’. Even if a lot of the time I personally don’t care for all the labels and wouldn’t choose them for myself, I still feel like If you can’t treat people like individuals and assess their character on a case by case basis, i don’t trust you. I don’t like people who stereotype and LGBT people are not immune to this behavior. Like i don’t say it often but it fucking hurts, and it hurts other people I’m close to who I know have similar complicated identities and struggle coming up w/words to describe themselves that the whole of tumblr LGBT+ will approve of and agree with (clearly an impossibility because there are still people who don’t want bi and trans to even be in there). I might tolerate the constant jokes and not block on principle of knowing not everyone has ingested and thought about this discourse in the same way I have, and im a big tough adult, ultimately i can take it. but inside i know no matter what i call myself, if i were earnest with some of you about how i feel I’d probably be just another ‘special snowflake Delusional mogai creep’ to you, and i can’t deny that fucking hurts to think about. I try not to talk about it openly bc it embarrasses me, bc i dont think my sexuality should have to be battle ground for discourse for people who are supposed to be on my side. But there it is. I think most of this discourse is Trash, and clearly not for the reason most people on here say its trash, not bc theres ‘too many specific words, y’all just be Making Shit Up’ but because so many of you are more caught up in the words than the substance of the arguments or the needs of people whose experiences might have a lot of overlap with yours regardless of what word they’re using to describe it.

Anyway. happy pride to LGBTQA+ people who still dont really feel pride in themselves or their identity. I’d say you’re valid, but you don’t need my validation or anyone elses to understand that you’re a person deserving of respect and compassion. You exist as who you are, and you have to come to terms with who that is, regardless of whether or not you feel like you’re accepted for it. if not pride then, settle for confidence in who you are.

#........./#....../#././#././/./#/././..#long post

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mordhiobhail · 6 years

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Do you have any tips for making your own style? I’m struggling with mine and you seem to be the best person to ask!!! (B/c ur art makes me nut 💝💘💓💞💖)

theres so much nutting going on around here these days its wild

also, to quote a legend, i am a bit buzzed mind you all so take heedokay so when i was younger i first started posting art on the internet and i noticed that all the artists i looked up to had a really unique and distinctive style, so i was like… oh i need to make a style and draw in it because i guess my identity as an artist is defined by my style?so: i made a bunch of objectively awful design choices and only AFTER id “established” my “style” did i see advice from more developed artists which said “dont worry about having a style, just focus on drawing and doing what feels right and it develops naturally”this advice is repeated by so many artists because its just… true. but i thought aged 12 or whatever that because id already started drawing in a style i had to stick with it. this is not true! and it hindered my artistic development massively because i kept trying to push something that was never going to work. so; its never too late to change direction, or start fresh. dont let the vague specter of “art rules” mess you upand i realise its probably frustrating for yet another person to say not to worry about style and let it come on its own. but the truth is i dont really think of myself as having a particular style. i have a bunch of styles! and each of them change depending on how im feeling, because what im trying to express changes.

your style is just a lens that you pass your experiences, knowledge, influences, perceptions, desires, etc through. it cant be simply distilled into its base components, like lines and shapes and colours, because that’s just taking the end product without taking into account everything that went into it - and that includes your skills of observation, draftsmanship, spatial awareness, - whats thought of as fundamental art skills - and other factors, like your environment and mood and your intentions for your art.i think where some people trip up is they try to change their style by altering the end product - details like line thickness or shape exaggeration or whatever - rather than changing or examining what theyre putting into it. the truth is all these “superficial” aspects of someones style come from somewhere. lines might be thick to give the forms a solid, dynamic feel, or the colours might be highly saturated to reflect the mood of the piece. if you try to mix and match elements of your style by lifting things like this *for no reason*, it won’t feel right.that’s all a little abstract but here’s some more practical advice: when i personally draw, more often than not im not thinking about style. it doesn’t go style -> drawing, it’s the other way around. your style isnt a set of rules you have to follow, so if you feel limited by your style, start changing it. i stopped trying to keep a consistent style years ago and as a result making art has felt looser and more fun, because i can actually explore the possibilities of new approaches. draw what feels good. go with your instinct. be the wolf

#im sorry man i was watching the gillbert stream and i had a couple rums and cokes #anons #questions and answers #p

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terryblycute · 3 years

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2020

overall this year was bad. bad, just like any other, how its always been, so nothing special. im writing this because my memory is getting worse and worse, and im sick of not remembering

corona lowkey annoying cuz i couldnt visit my friends on new years eve, but other than that everythings the same. on a positive note i didnt have to work as much either, and on a negative note i didnt get as much money. but thats alright.

((rude, unempathetic rant incoming. i know what im about to say is stupid but its my feelings and i want to talk about it regardless. if anyones reading, skip this)) what HAS been bothering me the most about corona is all the „2020 bad“ memes and people legitimately complaining about it. cuz like... nothing has changed. every year is horrible. it always has been. every year innocent people die, and nobody can do anything about it. of course i feel horrible for the people who lost their income/housing or family members because of it, and they have all the rights to complain... but lets be honest. none of the people i talk to were affected in any way by it. and the majority of people i hear talking about it havent lost their family/friends or homes to it either. its just a mild inconvenience to them, not being able to party without being arrested or seeing their friends or some shit. boo hoo, im alone all the time and never see any of my friends either and at this point im completely love & touch starvated regardless of corona. get over it

so... corona things out of the way, ive started thinking about my mental illnesses & trauma... A LOT. ive never thought about it all that much, because critical thinking is not something im able to do, usually. ive been reading lots of comix of people talking about/depicting mental illness, so i guess that kind of inspired and changed something in me, if i like it or not.

well, it turns out there is a shitton to unpack. i mean, ive always known there is so much wrong with me... but i was never really aware, if that makes sense. im still in the dark about most things, but its all coming together, little by little. i dont want to put my finger on anything, because im dumb, but at this point im 100% sure autism/aspergers isnt the only thing i got. far from it, in fact.

ive also learned that a lot of things in my life have left me with genuine, significant trauma, which ive never really realized before. i just thought the way i react to some things is cuz im, yknow... a whiny bitch. to name a few things:

me getting defensive/snappy when people of „authority“ (family, caretakers, doctors) ask me if im tired, how late i went to bed etc bc it is indirectly tied to why i was forced into psychiatry & the abuse i had to suffer there

fight or flight response activating when people talk about being in support of outdoor cats (i dont even want to fucking elaborate. tl;dr: my cat was almost killed by outdoor cat people and would be dead now if i hadnt gotten my shit together and worked hard on getting my own apartment, where he is safe. ive recieved no support & only been demonized during this time). this is a genuine fucking trigger

my rocky relationship with my mother and my thoughts about her, who is a genuinely good person, but managed to fuck me over, rip my entire ass apart and ruin my life regardless. also her lowkey restrictive/controlling upbringing stunting me for life

my huge, life-impairing abandonment issues. i dont even know where they come from, all i ever experienced were regular breakups & rejections with no hard feelings that just hit me especially hard for no reason i guess

how i cannot bear to be alone in a discord voice channel waiting for people to join & my stunted ability to talk to people when im alone with them (i got actively excluded by my best friends for being suicidal & a downer, they created a discord voice channel i couldnt see & didnt have access to for them to be without me, all while i was waiting all day long alone in our regular channel for someone to join me, in the same server)

relatedly, my inability to talk about my problems & mental illnesses with them. is also related to the cat incident

also my inability to show affection ever since my best friend stopped telling me „i love ya“

nothing else i can think of rn

i also realized that something is fundamentally, objectively wrong with me. i cant really talk about it... but the actions of one of my friends made it clear to me. it was proof that, somehow, im imbued with the horrifying essence of some eldritch lovecraftian horror being, repulsing everyone without them even realizing, unable of being loved. and its just... this knowledge, its too heavy to bear, for a single human being. i dont know what to do. i will have to live with this for the rest of my life - and i cant do anything about it.

ive also reconnected with an old friend over animal crossing, who introduced me to some other old friends (they were more like aquaintances back then, really), and in one of them ive found a friend for life, pretty much. but theyre all great, really.... i seriously appreciate that. they took my mind off my other best friend, whos been kind of ignoring my needs, resulting in me having panic attacks every day.

also, im making more of an effort to talk to & reply to the people i care about, cuz i have this friend who would chat me up every now and then, without me ever messaging him, just for me to ignore him for a couple hours cuz im too tired/busy/whatever... so at one point i was like „wait, what am i doing? hes one of the few friends who actually makes an effort, and i really care about this bitch!!“, so i went ahead and got my shit together, as best as i can at least (depressions still a bitch but im trying)

one last thing i wanna talk about... my view on life. this is gonna be huge, i think. big trigger warning for suicide stuff & other negative shit

im suicidal. always have been. thats not a secret, everyone who knows how to read between the lines (i cant, but most people do) can see that. sometimes you dont even have to, cuz im telling you outright. i usually dont talk about this openly though, not to my friends at least, cuz people only put up with suicidals for so long, and i cant afford to lose anyone else... ahem. anyways, something changed in the way i see suicide. when i was younger, i wanted to die because the pain i had to bear was just too great. there was no hope. and its still true - the pain is unbearable. i am in pain every waking moment. i have been for almost 11 years now. there is no joy, there is no happiness, there is only distraction.

however, thats not the reason i wanna die anymore. i think think that if i put in effort, i think i could be... not in pain, all the time anymore. but, heres the thing: i dont want to. im too tired, im too broken. i dont want to change, and i dont want anyone else to change. now i just want to die, for the sake of it. because i love death, with all of my heart. i think death is the best thing that could happen, to anyone. i 100% believe death is the only thing that will save you, ever. i am not exaggerating when i say „i love death“. and to live, without having the means to safely & efficiently kill myself... its destroying me. i get panic attacks every week thinking about it. what if someone else leaves me? im not gonna take it anymore, i refuse to. i refuse to keep suffering, but to end my suffering once and for all i have to die. i really, truly hate living... it just really isnt for me. and thats okay, im fine with it, im fine with dying - its what i want, its my choice, its my destiny - and i love this destiny. i wouldnt want it any other way - to kill myself, or be killed, thats how i want to go. i just need someone to help me. idk where im going with this, so lets move onto my next point:

my worldview. so.. im not sure when this all started. was it 2020? or 2019? maybe it started to dawn on me even earlier, i dont really know, but its been really intense in 2020. the way i view the world & life has changed drastically (or rather, formed, ive never really thought about it that much before). my mom has made it clear to me that you could be a genuinely good, loving person... and still fuck up your kid for life. and this is why i came to the conclusion that good parents, who dont fuck up their children irreversibly... they dont exist. the moment youre born into this world, youre doomed. there is no one who doesnt suffer, there is no one who doesnt want to die - and if they tell you they dont, they either just dont know yet or are in denial. if there is ANY chance of someone growing up to suffer just like i do - it is not worth it. irresponsible, even - to bring a kid into this world. and, the way the world is, and continues to be, there will never be the chance for someone to never suffer like me. which is why i dont think children should be born into this world, ever. and it fucks with me - it fucks with me so bad.

...happy mew year, everynyan

#long post #suicide tw #negative #corona tw #idk what to tag #2020

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paperbackwritersblog · 4 years

Text

It is March 2020, the world is not at war, at least not in the physically world war sense of the word. And yet the world is very much at eachothers throats! It is impossible to tell if there has always been an underlying issue with ideologies and beliefs not being able to debate and find middle ground in times before now, for I can only take in what history has left us in terms of information, even that information is always told from a perspective. After all isnt all information just a perspective? Isnt everything we think and feel just a personal perspective? The information passed down again a perspective.

With that in mind, the ability to understand that it is all perspective seems to be lost on the vast majority of people! Why else would people venomously defend their set of beliefs unless they genuinely believe they know the whole truth and nothing but the truth. It blows my mind to exist at a time where so many of us sapiens believe we KNOW the truth! When I read about history , the further you go back the less and less people believed they knew anything, only a select few thought they knew anything. And when someone elevated themselves as someone who KNOWS, people hung on their every word. Nearly all belief systems are designed by someone at some point in time who knew THE TRUTH!!

To understand that there is no TRUTH, just your truth. To empathize with others and understand their truths are as real and undeniable as your truths takes either a natural ability or constant mental work. I have met people in my life who naturally seem to feel, know or understand that we are all so very different, the differences are what make our species as remarkable as it is. These people have been rare to come across, possibly just because of my time and place of upbringing.

Most of the people I know and have met in my life think their experiences of life and their reactions to experiences account for anyone elses experiences, they think we all think the same when things happen and if you dont then something is wrong with you!! They believe the first story they are told unless they already have an impression or view on something or someone , they are unable to hear anything contradicting the beliefs they already hold! This is the person I was for the best part of my life so far, id say the first 37 years of my life! Then something happened, a psychological shift in how I see things. And even then, a daily reminder, an hourly nudge! Even with much better awareness of myself it still happens. I now find myself in another group of people who understand yet still have years of programming to be undone, its a daily grind.

I thought for a long time that with the right ingredients I would one day have a satori moment! Something would click and I would from that day forth see the truth in things!! And there we are again, the TRUTH!! So to get to a place where there is no truth to strive for, just my perspective to roll back.

How would this be felt by others, how can the world become more aware? Obviously this question has never been answered despite it being asked throughout time! Was Marxism an attempt at this? An attempt to make everyone the same, was confucianism the same? Although these ideologies were an attempt to put everyone in the same place physically! Its painfully obvious it didnt hit everyone mentally in that way or the outcomes would have been completely different when attempted.

I recently sat and watched a parlimentary session, I think it was prime ministers question time. What I found to be so destructive was not the need to keep the government to their word but the want to destroy and tarnish peoples moral code and reputation! I understand the opposition in parliament is there to keep the opposite side in check, oppose bad ideas, suggest better ideas etc etc. But I saw none of that! All I saw and heard were people doing their best to make their opposite number look inadequate, il-informed, stupid, racist, bullying etc etc. So rather than stand tall on their own ideas, they would rather stand tall with their feet on the head of whoever they have slayed!

Wokeness and virtue signaling has become so dangerously destructive, with the finger pointers completely unaware that when pointing at someone or thing, at least 3 of their fingers are pointing back at them. The hypocrisy of the movement is not allowed to be questioned, for doing so gives you an instant label, of us and them. Like religion, philosophy, ideologies it creates a “we are right” and a “they are wrong” , not even wrong! They are evil!!

So I see , that throughout time this has never changed, tribalism is so deeply rooted in us as a species.

I dont think its impossible for us a a species to think or feel differently, however I think time is most deffinately a factor, for evolution is a very long process.

I believe states we reach in meditation is an idea of where our species can eventually evolve to, the world is crying out for understanding , love, kindness. However we are not evolved enough to deliver on our desires on a grand scale. Pockets of people exist that truly understand the only real TRUTH there really is! That there is no truth, only perspective.

Im leaning very slowly that the things I have always believed to be true are only true to me. The hardest part of this understanding is to not judge others when they act in a way that makes me look away. Nowadays when I feel the need to look away a voice whipsers that im turning away from attributes of my own that I cannot face! This causes discomfort in so many areas of my mind, to admit and take ownership of these traits is not something anyone will cheerfully jump into. There are parts of my darkness that are easier to see and admit than others. As someone who was bullied significantly as a child, to recognise the bully in me was something that I did not want to admit, after all I know how it feels to feel stripped of power in that way, yet when I really got down into it, it wasnt so difficult to see how I had bullied in my attempt to claim power back at some point.

When I started to truly dismantle my darker attributes I realised that all of the traits I had worked so hard to subdue or remove from myself completely were all the traits that reminded me of my father! I was so effected by his behaviour growing up and the opinions of him that others held I was determined that no one would ever think or talk about me in that way and this was something I know I felt, this was not subconcious at all, I actively and openly worked to that end. But then for many years I atrributed the shitty sides of myself to him! When I acted out of character I didnt just think but also said aloud thats my father! And this ment not taking any of my own personal responsibility.

This was my truth, and it only applied to me. I cannot speak for my father nor his aims and wishes in that situation. My truth could have been that my father was a cunt and he fucked me up in many ways!! And in a way that is a truth! But its choice , do I choose that to be my truth? I could just say that my father made many mistakes, yet his mistakes are not mine, if anything they are lessons he gave me in what not to do, I could spin this truth very much into a positive.

So you see truth is a very personal perspective, it applies to you. I often wonder if there are any collective truths! Because even the scientific world is not absolute truths, they are answers based on testing and monitored results up to this point! All science is open to new information, all science is never absolute truth, only what we know and have measured thus far.

Do we all feel exactly the same about our truth? Is the feeling shared for all. Peoples protection of the truth is linked to their past present and future! When long held beliefs are disturbed and shaken it can cause such psychological disturbance that we react as if protecting a loved one from a rabid dog. Thats because hard wired truths are so deeply rooted that to shift the perspective of that truth it means to shift the entire lense that life is seen through. From my own experience of this, it is initially destabalizing. If dealt with appropriately we can grow from this and go onto much healthier mindsets, after all these beliefs would be unshakable if they were anything close to a fundamental truth shared. Most of these challengable truths are sets of programming we have taken on from our peers. For me to believe that all black people are criminals, all chinese people know kung fu(all stereotypes are programming), to believe in god, to believe in flat earth, to believe in vaccinations, to belive in anything and everything as a truth, this is ok so long as I understand that this is true to me, its is not true to others.

And with that moving forward I think a great place I am nearing is the truth of no truth.

E. Plaistow

#truth #philosopher #thoughts #reflection #being mindful

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lizziebennet · 7 years

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i want like your complete thoughts on snape aurora lmao

HONEYYOUVEGOTABIGSTORMCOMING.GIF

so id just like to say that when i read the harry potter books first time and the third time and the sixth time i didn’t hate snape. i never loved him, but i thought he was a super interesting character bc he was like a triple agent and he made for some rly great story. like the #drama of snape killing dumbledore was an Iconic Event in book history. but it was after book 7 came out and i learned that people genuinely liked snape?? like sympathized with him and stuff????? then i started to HATE him because people’s reactions to him after deathly hallows were… ridiculous.

bc lemme tell u kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! re reading the series with the knowledge of snapes backstory and everything from the prince’s tale doesn’t explain/excuse like. any of snape’s actions in most of the books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its just sooooo frustrating to me bc harry potter is a series about shades of grey. it’s not tolkien where the Bad Guy™ is the embodiment of Pure Evil and the other side is Pure Good. i mean here it is in plain text in ootp:

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”

so like you have the Spectrum of Darkness with voldemort (p much the #1 spot on that scale), umbridge (also p high up there), fudge (who’s main sin is willful ignorance), and yeah i think even dumbledore would have a place on that scale. what im getting at is this: even though snape indisputably does some good things he can still be a totally shitty person. like, hes not voldemort but that doesnt mean hes a saint either. like the quote said, maybe hes not Evil To The Core inside but he chose to act like a dick all of the time so that’s what i think he is. a dick. because even if he had this great love for lily inside him the whole time, i can only judge him on his actions. and his actions show that hes THE FUCKING WORST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its just. inconceivable to me how you can justify snape’s actions like. first of all he willingly joins a genocidal terrorist organization so. theres THAT LITTLE FACT THAT IS DIFFICULT TO OVERLOOK.

and i’ve read a lot of people “””justify””” that with two things. first is snape’s childhood/him growing up in a slytherin environment. like, almost saying ‘poor baby didnt know any better :((’ which is just like. completely ridiculous. for starters im not sure that anti-muggle ideology was forced on snape as a child. his father was a muggle, and although it’s made clear in the books that snape has a horrible relationship with both his parents, it doesnt really make sense for his mother to preach pureblood/wizard superiority to him if she herself married a muggle man. furthermore, snape grew up in a muggle neighborhood. as a child, he must have interacted with them with some frequency. and yet when he talks to lily as a child he is already sooooo dismissive of petunia because of her lack of magic which is like. pretty sociopathic if you ask me.

and like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he had lily!!!!!! as a friend!!!!!!!!!! for over five years!!!!!!!! he couldve learned from lily like. examples of love and friendship and equality!!!! he apparently LOVED lily!!!!!!!!! AND HE STILL DECIDES TO JOIN A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION WHOSE GOAL IS TO WIPE OUT HER KIND????? W H Y??

and it’s not like he’s draco whose parents were death eaters and voldemort was like “u must become a death eater or ur whole family will be murdered” (not like that i like draco lol). like if anything snape’s half blood status would be a deterrent to joining the death eaters. remember: his mother married a muggle. so he absolutely had a choice and CHOSE to join voldemort.

the second thing ive often heard people say is “but he changed his mind!!!” referring to when snape becomes a double agent for dumbledore. but like… is that even true????? did voldemort coming after lily make snape have an epiphany like “hold up… maybe … muggleborns dont.. deserve to die?? for being born???” i would like to point out that we NEVER get that confession from snape. EVER. we never hear him say like “i am with the order of the phoenix because i disagree fundamentally with voldemort’s anti-muggle ideology.”

the ONLY reason snape goes to dumbledore and becomes a double agent is because of his “””love”””” for lily. the only reason he stays a part of the order is to protect harry and maybe like get revenge on voldemort for killing lily. BUT HE COULDVE BEEN A MUGGLE HATER THE WHOLE TIME!!! LIKE FOR THE WHOLE BOOK SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!

and like what about befoRE snape turned on voldemort. he was part of the death eaters for YEARS. and he was considered part of voldemorts inner circle, his most trusted death eaters and like. you dont get into that circle by doing nothing. so i have to assume that snape did some fucked up shit! like killing muggles and muggleborns and shit! like! reminder that he WILLINGLY joined this organization!

like he truly did not give a shit about anyone lol. like when he comes to dumbledore to plead with him to save lily and dumbledore is like “what about her baby and her husband do u care about their lives at all” and snape straight up does not give a SHIT about harry and james. snape is totally fine with a BABY dying.

lemme say that a little louder for the people in the back: SEVERUS SNAPE IS TOTALLY AND 100% OKAY WITH AN INNOCENT BABY BEING SLAUGHTERED.

and this isnt just any baby. it’s lily’s baby. and if snape knew lily AT ALL (lily who was “uncommonly kind”) he would know that lily would love her child more than anything and prioritize her child’s life above her own. but snape is just like “i dont care if her child and husband are murdered as long as shes fine lol” like…. okay????????? lily would literally hate him if he did manage to save her instead of harry lol.

its just….. insane that he only gives a shit when voldemort comes after someone he personally cares about. like. he was fine with anyone else dying! thats cool that families are getting slaughtered no biggie! he only cared when it personally affected him which is…. disgusting. like hes morally BAD.

like contrast that to regulus who joined the death eaters around the same age as snape because of familial pressure but then when he got in and like saw what was going on and what they were doing he was like “this is fucked up i cant do this” and sabotaged voldemort. snape had no such conscience lol.

and lets say youre willing to overlook all of that (which, if thats the case… um…. how…) but for arguments sake lets say you are. /why/ is snape so mean to harry???????????????? because he looks like james???? thats a reason i gUess but not an excuse like. he bullies a child for YEARS because harry looks like his teenage rival?? oh my goD snape is such a huge baby i cant even desCRIBE.

and /why/ is he so mean to NEVILLE???? WHAT DID NEVILLE EVER DO TO HIM?? ? ? hes neville’s /worst fear/ !!!!!!!!!!!!! and hes HORRIBLE to hermione like HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its completely inexcusable…. he gets lupin FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUPIN WHO STRUGGLES TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR FOOD BECAUSE HES A WEREWOLF OH MY GOD I HATE SNAPE SO MUCH. I HATE HIM. I HAAAATEEEE HIM.

tl;dr: snape is a giant man baby who joined a genocidal terrorist organization of his own volition and then only switched sides when it personally affected him and then even when he was “”good””” he continued to act like a total asshole.

#lovetrope #aurora got an ask #me: [posts an anti snape rant right before im getting on a plane so i dont have to deal w snape stans]#hp #aurora RANTS

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theconservativebrief · 6 years

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In an unexpected move, the Justice Department filed a brief Thursday night urging a Texas court to invalidate the Affordable Care Act’s crucial insurance reforms — including the prohibition on refusing to cover people with preexisting conditions. Although the ACA is not in immediate peril, the brief represents a blow to the integrity and independence of the Justice Department. It also displays the Trump administration’s contempt for the rule of law.

Last March, a group of red states brought yet another lawsuit seeking to undo the ACA. In their case, they point out (rightly) that Congress, in the tax reform bill, repealed the penalty for going without insurance. They point out (rightly again) that the Supreme Court only upheld the individual mandate because it had been passed pursuant to Congress’s taxing power.

As the states see it, the freestanding requirement to get insurance, which is still on the books, is therefore unconstitutional. The states are probably wrong about that, but never mind. It’s their next move that’s the really audacious one. They argue that because the penalty-free mandate is unconstitutional, the courts must invalidate the entire ACA — lock, stock, and barrel.

Why? Because in the states’ view, Congress believed that the individual mandate was essential to the proper functioning of the rest of the ACA. If it goes, Congress must have wanted the rest of the statute ditched too.

If that sounds inane, that’s because it is. When Congress adopted the individual mandate in 2010, it was an essential part of a broader scheme. But Congress is always free to amend its statutes, even to omit what it previously thought was essential. That’s what Congress did when it wiped out the penalty for going without insurance coverage.

That may have been imprudent: The goal of the individual mandate is to get healthy people to buy insurance, which spreads risk across a broader population and helps keep prices lower for all of us. Without the mandate, insurance premiums are projected to spike.

But Congress is free to make imprudent choices. And here, we don’t have to speculate what Congress would’ve done if it had to choose between invalidating the ACA and eliminating the mandate. Congress made the decision itself: The mandate can go and the rest can stand. For a court to now reject that choice would be the worst kind of judicial activism.

So this should’ve been an easy layup for the Justice Department. In clean, crisp terms, it could simply have explained that when Congress repealed the mandate penalty, it didn’t mean to unravel the entire ACA.

What’s more, the Justice Department had a duty to make that argument. There’s a longstanding, bipartisan commitment to defending acts of Congress whenever a non-frivolous argument can be made in their defense.

This brief, however, torches that commitment. It is hard to explain how big of a deal this is.

The laws that Congress passes and that presidents sign are the laws of the land. They aren’t negotiable; they’re not up for further debate. If the Justice Department can just throw in the towel whenever a law is challenged in court, it can effectively pick and choose which laws should remain on the books. That’s a flagrant violation of the president’s constitutional duty to take care that the laws are faithfully executed.

But don’t take my word for it. For Justice Department lawyers — and I was one myself (from 2007 to 2010) — the duty to defend congressional statutes is at the core of what it means to be a government attorney. Yet hours before the federal government filed its brief, three line attorneys from the Justice Department withdrew from the case. That’s almost unheard of. These are lawyers who have made arguments they personally disagreed with countless times. They’re civil servants; they’re good soldiers. Yet they could not sign on to the administration’s argument. That’s how outlandish it is.

Do you want to live in a country where the Justice Department can use the flimsiest of arguments to justify declining to defend the law — or even to enforce it? The president has a duty to take care that all the laws are faithfully executed, not just the ones he likes. And while there are cases in which the Justice Department has deviated from that principle, they are extremely rare.

Is there any precedent for this? Odds are we’re going to hear a lot in the coming days about the Obama administration’s decision not to defend the Defense of Marriage Act. And it’s a reasonable case to point to: There, too, the Justice Department refused to defend a statute it deplored.

With the Defense of Marriage Act, however, the Justice Department faced a question about the meaning of the Constitution with deep resonance for the values that we share as a nation. Just as we no longer believe it’s constitutional to offer federal mortgage insurance only in white neighborhoods, the Justice Department concluded that we, as a country, had come around to the view that it was no longer constitutionally tenable to deny equal rights to LGBTQ people.

Whether you agree or disagree with the Justice Department’s decision — and it made lots of people nervous, including me — it was rooted in the public’s evolving sense about what the Constitution meant. By 2011, a justification that once seemed unobjectionable had come to seem untenable.

This case could not be more different from the Defense of Marriage Act. The question is not whether a penalty-free mandate is unconstitutional — who cares, honestly? The critical question, instead, is a technical one about “severability.” No one thinks that fights over severability represent a clash of fundamental constitutional values. No one thinks that severability strikes at the heart of who we are as a people and a country. What’s more, the states’ argument is weak to the point of frivolousness. If that kind of cockamamie argument is a sufficient basis to decline to defend a statute, what isn’t?

I, for one, am concerned. Not so much about the ACA: I still regard it as extremely unlikely that the Supreme Court will adopt an argument as far-fetched as the one the states have advanced. And, so far as I can make out, the Trump administration will continue to enforce the ACA while the litigation progresses. At least for now, no one needs to worry that their insurance will evaporate.

No, I’m frightened for what this says about the rule of law. I don’t like being alarmist about the rule of law — there’s always a risk that in the heat of the moment, it sounds unhinged and naive. But the Trump administration has just announced that it doesn’t care about a law that was passed by Congress and signed by the president. All that matters is that it hates the law and has a (laughable) argument for casting it aside.

That’s not a rule of law I recognize. That’s a rule by whim. And it should scare you too.

Nicholas Bagley is a professor at the University of Michigan Law School and a contributor to the Incidental Economist. Find him on Twitter @nicholas_bagley.

The Big Idea is Vox’s home for smart discussion of the most important issues and ideas in politics, science, and culture — typically by outside contributors. If you have an idea for a piece, pitch us at [email protected].

Original Source -> Trump’s legal attack on the ACA isn’t about health care. It’s a war on the rule of law.

via The Conservative Brief

#IFTTT #The Conservative Brief

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