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transdib · 4 years

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i feel so endlessly frustrated at myself because i can see the patterns of my thoughts, know the logical and practical steps i need to take in order to fix them, and i just...cant do it. i acknowledge that these feelings cycle; im a sucker for nostalgia. i look at all of these things ive shared with my friends, all these memories and selfies and fun times, and i know i can have that again. and i know that i just look at these things and think that “things were better then”, because its so easy to trick yourself into thinking that when all youre seeing is a condensed collection of happy times. i think 2016. that was easily one of the worst years of my life, or at least the ones with the most changes. it was the 180 flip from child to adult, the year i lost so much of my identity, and gained a new one. i was mentally and physically a completely different person by the end of that year. and yet, i look through these photos tonight and see just how many jokes and fond memories i shared with my friends. maybe because i was 19/20, i still had that immaturity about me so i was able to let loose. maybe being isolated inside for 2+ months has made these selfies sting more. maybe i miss when we were all in school and not at work, when we could all plan get-togethers a little easier. idk.

but this wasnt meant to be a nostalgia rant, but its definitely triggered those thoughts.

because in all these group selfies i saw tonight i saw how insanely different i looked within a year. it was when i developed my starving-orientated disordered eating, it was when i came out as trans and so changed my hair and wardrobe. 2016 was fucking wild. and i saw glimpses of how i used to be, and how despite being in so much pain, that was the year i took a leap and finally did something for myself that would set me up for success, rather than failure. and i dont do that for myself often. and im prouod of younger me for doing that.

because it shows that, no matter how much pain i have continuously been in for almost my entire llife, that i can take steps to improving my life. even though coming out as trans is not the same as confronting trauma, i think living as a truer reflection of who i am has definitely helped me feel more comfortable and confident.

and i want to lose weight again, because the confidence i radiated at my peak ED/lowest weight was unmatched to antyhing ive ever felt before. Ive gained a bit of the weight back (which funny enough since being on hrt i still look different/different weight distribution), but i want to lose it again in a healthy way. and i know i have to get out of my feedback loops and actualy work for it, as hard as fuck as it may be.

i dunno man. im nearly 24. i know thats still 6 years left of my 20s, but if ive learned anything from the past few years, its that they go by fast and i will be pushing 30 before i know it. and i dont want to be fucking 30 years old and still not have worked myself out. i mean, its ok if me or others havent, but i just. i dont know. i dont want to turn 30 and say “aha cool thats 20 years i have been extremely suicidal and self harming and full of trauma and brain rot”

which is why, as hard as it is, im really trrying to get the ball rolling on geting diagnosed with whatever-the-fuck-i-have. getting the ball rolling for me has taken ...well...ive received it, convinced myself its not worth it, and stop it. i cant keep running away from help. its discouraging when your professional is a bit shit so. idk. i know ya gotta keep trying.

i need to start an exercise routine, just doing my daily walks again would help so much, because my body is in so much pain from a sedentary lifestyle.

the most ive done is actually start drawing daily, which was previously really hard for me to do. im proud of myself for that. i want to release my webcomic, i want to consistently do commissions, and i cant do any of my artistic goals with my previous workflow i only have just managed to improve on.

and thats the hardest thing about being mentally ill. you have to put more effort in to survive, the odds are stacked against you, and you have to set up and stick to methods that’ll help, even though that means fighting against symptoms that discourage and impact u so severely. and it also means some days you cant fight it, and you have to give up. relapse happens. im just tired OF it happening.

though, i thankfully feel different. as a teen, i felt there was no way out besides suicide, as a fresh adult i realized there is hope, and i have ambitions and something to give to this world, but i was still very suicidal, and still lived wallowing and unable to get out. but as a young adult, i know i have to set up my life now to pave the path for the future. ive always been screaming for a release,and that release used to be suicide. now? my release is mental wellness. and fuck, its the much harder path to take. bpd, cptsd, whatever, it rots my brain and drags me down and makes me act on bad habits and behaviours, but dammit. one day im going to get that release.

maybe not all of it, maybe not till im 40.

but one day.

im going to look back and see how i am now as how i used to be, not what i still am.

maybe one day i’ll experience that release..

#life of doge #suicide ED stuff like that as a warning #this is a long one sorry #these long ass blog entires have made me realise how much i miss tumblr #and that twitter has hindered my ability to say everything i want #and its been like that for a few years #so im sorta bursting at the seams of things to say and express #so there might be a few long ones for a while maybe...#maybe i should use tumblr more for this stuff.....

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fairycosmos · 5 years

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and it's hard because I don't know how to grow on my own when i'm dealing with my body issues and stuff. i don't talk to anyone, i don't have any friends and i'm super lonely all the time so i'm sure that doesn't help lsdakjflksdjf but i'm trying anyway, i'm sorry for venting. love u chloe, i hope you're having a nice day

hi baby, im so sorry to hear that 😔 it sounds exhausting just reading about it. im proud of you for continuously trying and for being here. i can relate a lot to what you're saying. for many people a big aspect of their eating disorder is not feeling like it's 'serious' enough, but this is simply another trick 'that' part of your mind is playing on you.... it's trying to get you to continue pushing your boundaries, trying to convince you that "well at least ive never passed out" is sound reasoning. it's not. cause then when you do pass out, it changes to "at least i havent had a heart attack." you lose your sense of accurate judgement when it comes to this sort of thing, and it's important not to believe everything your brain tells you. it's not reliable. the fact that you feel this way at all is a pretty good indicator that you need and deserve help, as we all do at times, even if you don't want to accept that fact. point is, if you suffer from disorderd eating consistently then it IS harmful, it IS traumatic and you don't need permission to feel the weight of it on your shoulders. the extent of it is just a minute detail in the grand scheme. cause the longer you use that as an excuse, the worse it gets. you don't have to be on deaths door to be at serious risk. emotional pain alone is enough of a reason to seek what you need.

that relationship with your ex sounds very stressful and i can totally understand why you're still feeling weird about it, even now. there's truly no rush even if it's frustrating to constantly think of her. i think something we have to let people go over and over again in our minds. another symptom of an ed is constantly being in competition with those around you, even those you love, which is so tiring. and it's not your fault at all. it's part of the illness. you didn't ask for any of this. just cause she was struggling doesn't mean you were struggling any less, you know? her pain didn't diminish yours. you still went through all that. you're both absolutely entitled to your own experiences. it can sometimes be v toxic for two mentally ill people to be together and the mental repercussions of that may take a lot of energy and growth to overcome. it's allowed to hurt, and you're allowed to cry. to miss her, and to not miss her. maybe it will always feel awful to look back on it, but it absolutely won't always feel like it does right now. where you're at in this moment is not where you'll always be. it's absolutely valid to want to run away and become someone else, i don't fuckin blame you at all. but even if you stay in your town, you're going to evolve. you may not even notice it at first, but the fact that you made it through the breakup speaks volumes. you got through today without her. you've had small victories since then. that relationship is a very tiny part of who you're growing to be. you're much more capable than you realize, and im not just saying that... every day you're learning to cope, even subconsciously. and that's really all you can ask of yourself.

isolation can definitely worsen your symptoms, can fuck up your perception of yourself and the world and your problems. but i think a lot of us go through phases of loneliness especially when we're struggling, and it's not an indicator of whether or not you deserve friendship. you ALWAYS will. it's just really difficult to come by. there's nothing wrong with you as a person, no matter how much your insecurities tell you otherwise. though i don't doubt that love is waiting in your future, dude. but interpersonal relationships aren't the only form of support out there. you said it's been five years since you've been stuck in these cycles, and you have the self awareness to know that it's not right. so do you think maybe it's time to look into professional help, if that's an option and if you haven't already? of course your brain doesn't think it's that big of a deal but the fact that it's lasted this long and caused so many problems for you just proves that you need to take action. whether it's your doctor, a counselor, a support group in your area, even just a hotline to begin with.... you're not doomed to a lifetime of mental compulsions. there is so so much that can be done, through therapy and building a network of healthy relationships and mechanisms, seriously. of course it's a scary prospect, and you don't even have to like the idea. but you said you want to grow, you just don't know how. acting on your self hatred has only made things worse. so how about you try the opposite to disrupt the cycle? positive change really does spur from putting yourself first, even if you have to force it. it's completely normal to be afraid, but being honest about what's happening will never be as bad as you think it'll be. these professionals will let you work at your own pace to figure out the root causes of why you developed these behaviours, and how to fight the urges when they do arise. reworking your perception of food and your body is so so possible if you let the vulnerability in.

i understand that it's incredibly daunting and overwhelming. so even if you just begin with researching self help techniques and implementing them into your daily life, or accepting that you're allowed to feel pain, or crying instead of binging. forcing yourself to eat a piece of fruit instead of starving. these efforts are practices that will absolutely get easier with time. and not every day has to be good or successful. but as long as you're just trying to do what's right by you. it always comes back to knowing that you're going to be yourself for the rest of your life. might as well try to be your own friend. it's too exhausting not to. anyway im sorry this got long, i know words don't change anything and there's only so much i can say but.....i just hope you're able to get to a place where you don't feel guilty about what is beyond your control, and where you're able to put your mental well-being above your feelings. getting there may be a process, but it's supposed to be. and i really really believe in u!! you're not as alone as you feel. i love you and i'll be here if you want to talk, feel free to drop me a message. take it one day at a time luv 💖

#tw eating disorder #tw binging #tw starving #anon

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almondmelkk · 6 years

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How to ACTUALLY meal prep

Breaking down meal prepping

So I see a lot of people share meal prep ideas and showing put this much brown rice, this much meat/protein source and this much veggies. But everyone’s dietary needs are different so one persons meal prepping won’t be suitable for everyone. Some people may need less calories or more protein for instance. So here’s how you can make sure your more closely getting the meal prepping you want and need.

So first things first, your going to have to do some math 🙀 (I know sorry). You’ll need to calculate your caloric needs*and then from there you can calculate your macronutrient needs. (Macronutrients “macros” are carbs, fats and protein. They provide the body it’s energy through calories.)

I know this can seem like a ton of info (because it is) but once you do all your calculations and try it a few times it becomes a lot easier and you won’t really have to think about it!

How crazy you wanna get with your meal prepping is up to you! If you wanna prep every meal and get everything perfect to the gram that’s awesome and I respect your discipline! As for me, I just like to loosely follow my macro needs and only meal prep once a day (typically lunch for me since I like packing a lunch for work). For my other meals I’m generally conscious of the approximate calories and macros but I don’t calculate them.

I’m going to try to share as much information with you as I can, but this can get VERY complex since we are talking about calculating macronutrients. Like I said everyone is different so things vary person to person due to activity level, weight, gender, height etc. Also, the more specific your goals are the more specific/tricky your meal prepping will need to be. What I mean by that is, if your goal is to gain 5lbs of muscle it may be difficult for you to judge how much you should skew your protein needs. In those cases it would be beneficial to see a dietitian who can help closely guide you. Thats not always feasible though, so I provided general recommendations of macro nutrients designed for different levels of activities and goals.

One thing I HIGHLY RECOMMEND is a scale!! This is huge because when you look at nutrition values in food they usually have cup amounts and then gram or ounce amounts in parenthesis next to it. So when you measure something with cups the amount can vary so much! When you scoop up one cup, sometimes the food might be more or less compact causing a significantly different measurement. However, if you weigh the food you’ll always get the exact amount needed that way the nutrition info will be correct.

Alright lets get into it! You’ll need to calculate your general calorie and macronutrient needs.

Start with calculating your calorie needs (This will help you determine how many calories you want to eat and put into your meal preps).

Once you have your calorie needs click here for recommended macronutrient amounts. (This is will help you determine how much grains/veggies, proteins, fats etc. to put in your meal preps

Now you may still need a little more help picking what percentages/amount of each macro you want. This is super tough to try and give advice for over a blog post but again ill do my best! 🤗

If your a sedentary individual trying to lose weight WITHOUT an exercise regime, then you may want to pick a fairly balanced amount of macronutrients such as 60% carbs, 20% protein & 25% fat.��

If your trying to lose weight WITH an exercise regime, increasing your protein would be a good idea because a decrease in calories could cause muscle atrophy (reduction) because not enough protein would be present to sustain muscle. So a good idea might be to decrease carbs a bit to 55%, increase protein to 25% & 25% fat.

If your trying to maintain your weight than you can focus more on just picking % that fit you (This can go for anybody/activity level too). Pick what makes the most sense to you and how you like to eat. I enjoy carbs so I would pick a higher carb percentage, I weight lift so higher protein percentage and than lower fat percentage. If you feel like carbs don’t agree with you then lower to 45% and increase proteins and fat.

If your an average gym goer, a balanced amount of macronutrients will be appropriate as well. Perhaps, 50-55% carbs, moderate protein for muscle growth 20-25%, and moderate fat 25%.

If your an endurance athlete (runner, marathons, triathletes), your going to be eating a lot of calories in general but you’ll definitely want to pick a higher carb percentage such as 60-65%, low-moderate protein 15-20% & low fat 20%.

If your a power/strength athlete (powerlifter), moderate-high carbohydrates 50-65%, increase your protein to compensate for muscle growth so high protein 25-35%, and low fat 20% as its not considered beneficial for power athletes (or endurance athletes).

*All of your daily % can fluctuate within a desired range (probably about 5-10%) as well. Like everything Ive said, this is all general recommendations and how strict you want to be is up to you*

A few more things that may apply to you!

If your:

Trying to maintain your weight- This is a little easier since all you have to do is eat the exact same amount of calories as you calculated. Also, maintaining weight doesn’t have to mean that your not trying to change your body at all. For instance, Im fine with my weight but I’m trying to gain muscle and lose some fat. Im doing this by maintaining my calories, slightly increasing my protein intake and increasing my strength training.

Trying to lose weight- Reduce daily calories by 500-1000 calories, this will give you a weekly weight loss of 1-2 lbs (.45-.9kg). Decreasing calories by more than a 1000 and loosing more than 2lbs/week is not recommended unless advised/surpervised by a physician. If your trying to lose weight, using your gram per kg of body weight recommendation won’t work because it doesn’t take into account that your trying to decrease calories. Therefor, you will need to use your daily calorie % values to calculate how much carbs to eat. Ex. You burn 2000 calories daily, your trying to lose weight so you reduce your calories to 1800 calories. So to meet daily carb recommendations (45-65%) for instance, 1800 x .45(45%)=810 cal, 1800 x .65(65%)=1170cal if you want to take it a step further and figure out how many grams that is you can divide the calories by the calories in macronutrients. Carbohydrates have 4 cal per gram therefor, 810/4=203 g and 1170/4=293 g. Therefor you can strive to eat 203-293 g of carbohydrates.

Trying to gain weight- Is just the opposite of trying to lose weight. Your going to increase your calories, and probably your workouts because odds are your trying to gain muscle and not fat. 2300-3600 calories above weekly needs (or 300-500cal more each day) is required to gain 1/2-1lb. Again though, if your not working out enough for your body to NEED these extra calories to repair and build muscle all you will be doing is gaining fatty weight. The increased calories should correspond to the increased demand that your workout out puts on your body. Also, it is recommended that the additional calories are in the form of carbohydrates. Otherwise the body will use your protein sources as the fuel it needs therefor taking away from the protein needed to build muscle.

So FINALLY making this all translate into actual food! With all these recommendations we can look at a few examples:

Cooked brown rice (200g)- 222 calories, 2g of fat, 45g carbs, and 5g protein

Grilled chicken breast (3oz)- 120 cal, 2g fat, 0g carbs, and 25g protein

Steamed mixed veggies (8oz)- 90 calories, 2g fat, 15g carbs, and 4g protein

TOTAL- 432 calories, 6g fat (13%), 60g carbs (56%), & 34g protein (31%)

Based off of these percentages (not calories, as they are quite low) this meal prep might be great for a power athlete because of the high protein and low fat values (a little more fat might be good too so maybe cook the chicken breast in a little olive oil or add a little oil/butter to your rice to increase the fat). Also, you can consume more fats in your other meals to get your recommended values.

Also with this info you can use it to calculate how many more calories, grams of carbs, fats and protein you’ll need for the rest of the day.

Lets look at another example for a vegan perhaps.

Cooked brown rice (200g)- 222 cal, 2g of fat, 45g carbs, and 5g protein

Chickpeas (3oz)- 276 cal, 5g fat, 45g carbs, and 14g protein

Steamed broccoli (4oz)- 39 cal, 0g fat, 8g carbs, and 3g protein.

TOTAL- 537 calories, 7g fat (12%), 98g carbs (73%), 22g protein (16%).

Based off of these percentages this would probably be better for an endurance athlete, because of the high carb %. Again though this is just one meal of the day though, so you can eat more fat and protein in your other meals of the day and completely change your daily % making this meal appropriate for anyone!

So basically what your doing is just trying to get the nutrition facts to add up to your daily needs instead of other peoples needs. The purpose of this post is just to show you how to measure your food so that your not just guessing how much food to put in without knowing how thats going to affect you. Like I said I know this is a lot but I highly recommend doing this at least a few times so you can see what a meal prep designed for you looks like. After that you won’t have to get so crazy and you can start to loosely follow these guidelines because you’ll know what to look for.

Comment below if you have any questions or need help!!

*I posted this a while ago and a lot of people were saying it doesn’t work but I promise it does if you do the math correctly! Incorrectly adding or subtracting was the main reason why people got crazy numbers. Also, the taller you are or the more you weigh the more calories your body burns daily.

Source: Fink, Heather Hedrick., and Alan E. Mikesky. Practical Applications in Sports Nutrition. Jones & Bartlett Learning, 2018.

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fatphobiabusters · 7 years

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Do you know if depression alone can alter weight, without changing diet or anything like that? I've had depression since childhood and I've been steadily gaining weight for years because of a poor diet etc, and i peaked at 195, but over the last 6 months ive been gradually losing weight, a total of about 12 pounds, despite a lifestyle where i should be still GAINING. And its not steady either, about half of those have been in the last two months. (1/3)

I eat lots of junk food and I'm totally sedentary. I've started doing musical theatre again, so for a while i attributed it to the increased exercise from dancing, but my last show ended aug 5 and i haven't been in one since, so now im exercising even LESS and yet still losing weight at an increasing rate. Ive also been gradually more and more lethargic, and ive been on a worse bout of depression as well. (2/3)

I put "unintentional weight loss" into the webMD symptom checker and suggestion 2 was depression (#1 was hyperthyroidism but I've already checked that recently and im fine). So I'm just wondering if you know, if the presence of it alone, with no real changes, can cause that? Or do you think it could potentially be something more serious? I'll go to the dr when i can but I'd also like advice from someone who i know wont just say "well you're obese anyway so be grateful!" Thanks in advance! (3/3)

Hello there! First, allow me to say it’s a pleasure having a blog I have long admired come into our inbox. Thank you for trusting us with your concern.

Secondly, I would like to make the disclaimer that I am answering this from the perspective of someone who has depression and is studying psychology, but who is by no means an expert on mental illness.

So, the reason depressed people often find themselves losing weight is that depression can affect their emotions, behaviors, thoughts, and appetite. For example, I go through periods of extreme disinterest where literally nothing is pleasurable to me and I am too emotionally drained to do much of anything. During these periods, I spend most of my time sleeping, I get bored incredibly easily, and I struggle to find the desire or energy to shower, eat, or do other necessary things. I also find my appetite severely decreased; not only do I not have the energy or will to cook or find a snack or what have you, but I also feel no need to actually eat anything. I won’t be hungry for long periods of time, and when I do eat, it’ll only be a bite or two once a day, if even that. And this is something that happens to lots of depressed people; those with far better metabolisms than I will lose weight because of this lack of eating, especially if this continues for a long period of time. For me, it can be anytime from a week to two months; for other people, it can last far longer. And this is only one example of how depressed people might lose weight due to depression. They might also choose to starve themselves as a form of self-harm, or they might find themselves doing other things that can lead to weight loss, like increasing their daily exercise as a way to help them feel better.

But, see, all of these are behavioral. Meaning the weight loss is caused by behaviors. True, the behaviors are caused by the thoughts and feelings depression makes people have, but it’s not the depression itself doing this.

So, as far as I know, depression alone won’t make you lose weight; your behaviors as a depressed person are what causes weight loss or weight gain.

Now, this doesn’t mean this weight loss is caused by something serious. You could be underestimating how much you are exercising, overestimating how much you are eating, etc. But it’s absolutely a concern, as rapid weight loss can be very unhealthy, and it is something you should definitely discuss with a doctor.

@bigfatscience might be able to give you some more information and suggestions as to possible causes, as they know far more about health and weight than I do. I would highly recommend sending them an ask.

Sorry I couldn’t be more helpful. But thank you for coming to us and please do let us know what your doctor says.

-Mod Bella

#Bella Blogs #Starvation TW #Self Harm TW #Weight Loss TW #Depression #Mental Health #Mental Illness #Asked and Answered #Ask

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curlyshepards · 7 years

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tim headcanons: fucking long ass edition im so sorry

again this is under a read more so @ mobile users....im sorry

What does their bedroom look like?

he shares a room with curly, so it looks like a tornado ripped through the room and only destroyed curly's half. his is nice and neat

Do they have any daily rituals?

this isnt really daily, but if he wakes up really early or comes home super later (like early hours of the morning) he'll most likely see his mom in the kitchen and they'll sit at the table and talk until someone else comes in. its the only time she acts like herself & not hanging off their stepdad and tim cherishes those times!!! but he never tells anyone abt their conversations

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

i can see him going to a gym every now and then, but mostly bc his buddy works there. they'd lift weights and goof around so hes not rlly into working out, he knows to stay fit tho

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

it depends on who was in the kitchen. if it was his stepdad he'd just leave the house and go out for dinner because he avoids him as much as he can. if it was angie he'd get her to make him something, but if it was his mom then he'd ask if shes eaten anything and would probably end up making somethin for the both of them

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

hes SUPER organized. like with everything. it drives him insane that curly's such a slob

Eating habits and sample daily menu

for breakfast he usually just has coffee. but he gets fast food a lot (no one knows how he stays in such good shape) but if he doesnt go out to eat he'll just get food from his friends houses

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

he loves to play pool and card games!! he tries to avoid wasting time though, he always feels like theres something he could be doing to give his gang more power & respect

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

again i dont know what this means but every now and then he will indulge in a big ass chocolate milkshake and no one can stop him

Makeup?

just like curly he is all for makeup sex

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

nope none

Intellectual pursuits?

he's actually really smart, and if he wanted to then he could have gone off to college. he's always loved leading his gang tho so that is his main priority

Favorite book genre?

the only thing he ever reads is the newspaper (their stepdad usually steals it after he reads it and they never see it again, so tim always makes sure to take the comic section out and save it for curly)

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

hes straight but he doesnt really care about people sexual orientations. ya like who ya like and it doesnt affect him

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

he has that big ass scar on his face, so there's that. hes also SLIGHTLY allergic to cat fur

Biggest and smallest short term goal?

biggest: buy a new leather jacket that DOESNT have rips in the sleeves smallest: get their house cleaned up bc all the beer bottles and broken glass on the floor is starting to give him a headache

Biggest and smallest long term goal?

biggest: officially lead the toughest gang in tulsa

smallest: get curly and angela through high school

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

basically just t-shirts and jeans. he rolls the sleeves of his shirts up and he keeps a comb in his back left pocket. he might be wearing a leather jacket, but he'll probably just have it slung over his shoulder

Favorite beverage?

coke

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

his gang and how to make it better. it literally consumes his mind. he probably thinks abt curly too & if he'll ever be tough enough to be his second in command. tim really wants him to but deep down he knows that curly just isn't like him

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

tim got REALLY sick when his dad took him fishing when he was young. he puked all into the lake and they ended up not catching any fish the whole weekend (which tims dad jokingly blamed on him) it was embarrassing at the time but eventually they were able to laugh it off

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

turn ons: hickeys, confidence, tight jeans

turn offs: he hates clingy and it will definitely end up driving him away if a girl tries to lock him down

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

a mean game of tic tac toe that probably incorporated gambling

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

very organized!! its how hes so successful in leading his gang. he knows how to keep things in order and he plans things out

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

he was very dedicated to graduating high school (mostly out of spite that no one thought he would do it) but he never really cared about his classes. he did what he had to do and then got out of there

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

still a gang leader, hopefully more respected. (can we talk abt how tim sees himself as still living and curly has just kinda accepted that he probably wont be.,,...no.,,,,.....ok)

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

once again his life revolves around his gang. he doesnt see it not working out, so he doesnt plan for anything else

What is their biggest regret?

he has two ok: one is not going on that last fishing trip with his dad. he'd gives almost anything to spend that one weekend with him again. the other is not being hard enough on curly and not toughening him up as much as he could have. he knows his brother is tough, but hes also got a soft side and tim hates it bc he knows it'll ruin his brother

Who do they see as their best friend?

his second in command, danny!!! theyve been friends since elementary school and hes the one guy tim can always fall back on

Their worst enemy?

the leader of the river kings most likely. they're his gangs biggest threat

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

he'd definitely be the one to fix the problem, even tho he most likely didnt cause it. he'd be calm about it though and just kinda move on

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

if it were angela, curly, or his mom dying he'd lose it in anger. i dont see him as sulking or mourning over their death, he'd just get super angry and destructive

Most prized possession?

his dads old fishing hat !! he keeps it tucked away in his closet, but he never wears it

Thoughts on material possessions in general?

he doesnt care about them since he never really had them growing up

Concept of home and family?

tim is very family oriented and would do almost anything to protect them (except his stepdad, but tim doesnt consider him family. and half the time hes protecting his siblings and mom from their stepdad anyway)

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

VERY private. he doesnt share anything too personal bc he doesnt wanna give someone the power of having something to hold against him

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

he loves movies and could watch them all day, but he'd end up feeling too unproductive

What makes them feel guilty?

nothing he literally has 0 feelings

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

analytical by far !!! he likes to think of the long term effects on a decision

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

type a

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

relaxing with his friends. while he loves leading a gang he still likes to just chill w the guys like they did in high school. it reminds him of better times

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

superiority complex for sure. in his eyes he is The Best

How misanthropic are they?

its not that he doesnt like humankind, its just the rich people. they look down on him so he does the same. he could get along easily with other greasers as long as theyre not in a gang and threatening his streets

Hobbies?

cards, pool, drinking

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

he graduated high school! he values self education more though bc he's taught himself everything he needs to know to be successful

Religion?

atheist i guess. i dont think he believes in god but he also just doesnt think about it

Superstitions or views on the occult?

not superstitious at all

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

deeds. words are pointless to him bc he knows most people will think he's just bluffing

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

he would never.,,,...but i guess if he did it'd be with someone who could calm him down. in his eyes the whole world revolves around the gang, so they'd have to make him see that theres more to life than that. i can see him falling for someone innocent and kind and non judgemental. opposites attract u know

How do they express love?

very weird and awkward ways.....like he doesnt really know what hes doing (because he doesnt) he'd give mumbled compliments and hold your hand only if you're in private and try to take you somewhere nice but hes dressed too poorly and so people look at him and he gets annoyed and yall end up leaving but hey its the thought that counts right

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

he fights very smoothly. he moves quickly and thats always his advantage

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

nope. he thinks he's invincible

#someone fuckign stop me next time i reblog a headcanon meme im SORRY #long post

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cynthiamwashington · 5 years

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Nine Doctors Couldn’t Help Me

It’s Monday, everyone! And that means another Primal Blueprint Real Life Story from a Mark’s Daily Apple reader. If you have your own success story and would like to share it with me and the Mark’s Daily Apple community please contact me here. I’ll continue to publish these each Monday as long as they keep coming in. Thank you for reading!

My primal journey started in 2010. I had just attended my last Weight Watchers meeting ever. I had been doing Weight Watchers since 2005, and was at my highest weight ever. I was massively obese, I was severely lethargic, and I lived with daily brain fog. I was having miscarriages, but was being told there was nothing wrong with me. I went to a new doctor who told me that when I got pregnant again, I should come in and immediately start running tests so that when I lost it, we might have some insight as to why.

That was at the end of April. I was depressed and desperate. My dad had stumbled onto Mark Sisson’s website and pushed me to try Primal eating. I was extremely skeptical. In 2001, when I had first started dealing with health issues, I had been diagnosed with peripheral insulin resistance and had tried the Atkins diet. I was living in a dorm room at the time and failed miserably. So I was skeptical about trying another low carb restrictive diet.

But what did I have to lose?

Within a month of going Primal, I had lost several pounds, my brain fog was slowly clearing, and my gut was healing (another problem I hadn’t realized existed!).

And in July, I got pregnant again. This time it stuck. My son was born 9 months later. After 3 miscarriages, I am firmly convinced that I stayed pregnant because of my diet changes, and I became a full Primal convert.

After my son was born, I immediately resumed my Primal lifestyle. His first real food was bacon, and he loved liver as soon as he was old enough for real food. I continued the Primal journey, and continued slowly losing the weight and regaining my health.

Then I got pregnant again. This pregnancy was a whole different situation. I had hyperemesis gravidarum for both pregnancies, but this time I couldn’t eat anything. I lived off of cinnamon rolls, as they were the only thing I seemed able to keep down, and I drank nothing but gatorade. I was miserable, I was unbelievably adverse to the smell of all meat so I couldn’t even try to be Primal. I developed eczema on my arm so badly that I had to wear sleeves to work so my clients wouldn’t think I’d contracted ringworm! Luckily, my daughter was born healthy. I ended that pregnancy 10 lbs above where I started. And then my health disappeared.

The rash on my arm never really went away. I soon had eczema on my legs as well. Furthermore, I was so constipated that I wouldn’t go to the bathroom for days at a time and had constant crippling, severe stomach cramps. I had horrible brain fog, and who knows how much of that was a daughter who wouldn’t sleep versus dietary issues.

But more importantly, when she was not quite a year old, I broke out with hives. At first we didn’t know what they were and thought they were bed bug bites! Finally we clued in and I went to the allergy doctor. I knew I was reactive to wheat. As soon as I had cut it out in 2010, I noticed I got sick every time I ate it. I was suspicious of eggs and dairy. But I tested positive to literally every single food, plant, and animal they tested me for with the exception of white fish!

He immediately confirmed that it was an allergy problem. But that night I ended up in the emergency room with full body, raised, angry red, large diameter hives (like inches in diameter). He put me on all sorts of steroids, antihistamines, and beta-blockers. I cut everything out of my diet, and literally ate nothing but unflavored ground beef and vegetables for months.

And the huge, angry, red, full-body hives never went away.

I went from the allergist through eight other doctors. I went to conventional doctors, homeopathic doctors, acupuncturists, herbalists, etc. The hives never went away. I finally took myself off of all meds because they were turning me into a zombie. Unfortunately, even off of meds, nothing improved. One doctor started me on progesterone, thinking it was a hormonal problem because my cycles were so irregular (they had been like clockwork up until my daughter), and that made me much sicker. Unfortunately, those side effects didn’t go away once I took myself back off the meds.

Finally, out of sheer desperation, I gave up. I stopped going to doctors. I cleaned my diet up to be 100% Primal. I started meditating daily. I changed my job to reduce the stress.

And between less stress and diet improvements, finally, the hives started to go away. It had been a year and a half. They weren’t gone completely until after the two year mark, and even as recently as a few months ago they’d still pop up if I became too stressed or ate the wrong things.

Since then, my health has been a slow improvement. The eczema slowly disappeared. My gut slowly healed. But my weight wouldn’t drop. All the signs that showed up when I was put on hormones (heavier periods, breasts that were so sore you couldn’t look at them for a full 2 weeks each cycle, twenty day cycles) were still present. And I was plateaued. I would drop to 188 lb (I’m 5’3), but could never get below that number.

I was stuck there for nearly 3 years. I was feeling better overall, but I was stuck. I would be extremely clean for about 2 months, then I would give up since my weight wasn’t shifting anyway. Then a week later I’d be back to Primal eating because the brain fog and low energy would have come back.

Finally, this last spring, I broke that plateau. I had been 100% Primal for a few months, finally, and everything suddenly balanced. My cycles regulated, I stopped being in pain, and my weight finally started to drop again.

It’s still a journey. I’m not quite to my ideal weight yet as I’ve hit several other plateaus since. But for someone who has been obese since they were 16, now that I finally know what works for me, I can be patient. And more importantly, being Primal allowed me to heal up such severe disease after nine doctors couldn’t help me that I became an even stronger advocate than I’d been before.

I was already a licensed veterinarian and was using Primal principles in my animal patients, but after finally healing my own body, I became a certified Primal Health Coach so I could help the humans as well!

So what have I done since I received my certification? Since I received my certification, my life has gone in all sort of directions!

I was already using Primal principles in my holistic veterinary practice. I have absolutely continued using those principles to help heal the pups who walk through my door, and I have created an educational website and Facebook group for owners interested in healing their pets through diet!

However, I still wanted to help people, too.

When I first graduated, I obtained two informal coaching clients. One was a friend of my mother’s who had suffered from IBD, allergies, inability to lose weight, and masses around her thyroid (although they said her thyroid values were normal).

When we first started talking, she was eating grains with most meals, avoiding fat, and filling her diet with things like vegetable oil!

The first thing we did was cut the grains and vegetable oil, reintroduce real foods, and increase the healthy fats.

Within a month, she had lost 20 pounds, her energy was returning, and her IBD was feeling more controlled than ever!

My other client was a friend of mine who had also suffered from IBD, but who also had her gallbladder removed a few years before. In addition, she couldn’t lose weight and had all sorts of fluctuations in her hormones.

Again, with nothing more than diet changes, she slowly started to recover. Her weight decreased more slowly, but it was the first time she had ever succeeded in getting it off! More importantly, the IBD that flared with every menstrual cycle started staying controlled, and her hormones started to balance.

However, that wasn’t the end of coaching for me.

Around this time, I started having other veterinarians approaching me, asking how I had changed my life around. I had gone from severely burned out and feeling trapped and desperate in my job to outsourcing myself from my own business, moving to another state, and learning to love life and travel again!

And they wanted to know how I had done it.

Well, the first answer to that question was that when I started to get my stress under control (which started with getting my diet and health under control), then changes just started to take place that allowed me to completely turn my lifestyle around.

So I also began coaching veterinarians and other health care professionals on how to change their lives around. That coaching isn’t just about health, but health is almost always a piece of what we have to cover since these are women under massive loads of stress, and we have to deal with the health effects of that stress.

Today, I do both health coaching and mindset coaching. I believe in helping people live their best lives, and I will use whatever means necessary to help them do that! So while much of my focus is on veterinarians and other health care professionals, I still do regular health coaching as well.

I teach people that it is definitely possible to live the life of your dreams, and in my case, it all started with learning about ancestral health!

– Jenny Elwell-Gerken

Jenny’s listing in the Primal Health Coach Institute Directory

Website: www.drjeg.com

The post Nine Doctors Couldn’t Help Me appeared first on Mark's Daily Apple.

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