#i just...it truly makes me So unwell

[buttercupbuck]

x

[image description: 4 gifs of evan buckley and eddie diaz from 9-1-1. the gifs are arranged in two rows, 2 gifs per row. the two gifs in the left column depict a scene from season 5 episode 13, and the two gifs in the right column depict scenes from other episodes of season 5.

gif 1: buck stands outside eddie’s bedroom door. speaking to eddie through the door, he says, “hey, eddie. it’s, uh...it’s me. can i come in?” after he asks if he can come in, he tries during the door knob.

gif 2: from season 5 episode 11. standing in eddie’s kitchen, buck stares at eddie with a bemused expression as eddie dismisses his concern and turns away from him.

gif 3: buck looks around briefly before speaking to eddie again through the door again, warning, “all right, eddie, i-i’m gonna come in, okay?”

gif 4: two gifs. the first is from season 5 episode 14. the camera follows eddie as he walks into his dining room, where buck is standing and putting away christopher’s coloring utensils. the second is from season 5 episode 18. eddie listens to buck as he talks and patches up eddie’s bedroom wall.

/end ID]

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #buddie #911 on fox #911 fox #9-1-1 #911 #911edit #alicia edits #i juuuuust. the parallel of buck literally being on the outside looking in #and feeling kind of at odds about it and unsure of how to proceed and what lines he was allowed to cross #to him breaking down eddie's door and letting himself in for eddie's sake #because he knew eddie wouldn't and couldn't do it for himself.... #and then not only is buck just there and present and supportive as eddie picks up the pieces of himself #but eddie learns to cross that line and let him in himself as well #he lets buck see him as his shirt is damp with his own tears and as he can barely stop crying #he comes home to buck after his therapy session and lets him see him exhausted and hopeless #he lets buck help him repair his bedroom wall and is just so easily open and vulnerable throughout that entire scene #i just...it truly makes me So unwell #anyway i know we're all buzzing about the new titles for s6 but im posting this anyway lol

[m-does-things]

A Crown of Candy ep 6 / The Ravening War ep 6

Zac Oyama PCs + telling people to shut up while helping them before their potential deaths

#I literally had to pause watching the rw finale to sob over this parallel #I was so sure deli was gonna die here #truly chewing on the walls #even more so if you consider that both of those are the common ships for his character #zac oyama you make me unwell sir #there’s absolutely more parallels that can be made here but rn I just have feelings #the ravening war #trw #trw spoilers #the ravening war spoilers #d20 spoilers #dimension 20 #a crown of candy #acoc #acoc spoilers #lapin cadbury #theobald gumbar #colin provolone #thane delissandro katzon

[eyes-of-nine]

truly what a guy

#malevolent #malevolent podcast #arthur lester #arthur malevolent #john doe #john malevolent #my art #ahfdgfghsdd i have so many important things to do but these two have overtaken all of my waking thoughts so i'm fucked to say the least #adgfd i just wanna talk about them with someone but no one i know has the energy for that 12h long infodump #straight up today was my first truly no work day in a few weeks and what did i do? spent half the day figuring out how i want to draw arthur #still not sure if this the direction i wanna take his design in but somehow along the process he ended up as like my ideal look on masc days #tbh i don't have the time to unpack whatever that says about me ywy #john's design is very much still a first draft but i can't think about it too much or i might just actually go insane #this podcast makes me unwell(affectionate) #the universe is so evil for not letting me just draw them all day long ywy #in an ideal world it would be no diploma no uni applications only malevolent #.....i'm gonna stop with the rambling now #so yeah go listen to malevolent

[syncrovoid-presents]

Wally and the Colour RED

Wally and the colour Red have an interesting relationship in Welcome Home. This is a rambling/analysis of different things I've found that makes me believe it's an important detail moving forwards with the Welcome Home Mystery!

First! Why do I think this matters?

There's a few reasons why I think this matters! First, while all the members of the cast seem to be tied to a colour, none is as focused or as consistent as Wally and the colour red! The two primary examples I'll use to cover this is one that we've had for a while, and two that we got in this update. Those being the signatures at the bottom of the guestbook, the interactable telephone, and the name graphics on the transcript page!

Interestingly, all of the cast are directly tied to a specific colour! The signatures at the bottom of the Guestpage and the colours of the "calls" on the telephone are the same for each character. This being pink for Julie, orange for Sally, yellow for Frank, green for Poppy, turquoise for Howdy, blue for Barnaby, purple for Eddie, and red for Wally. This is consistent (and possibly something to pay attention for in the future?)

Notably however, Home is signed by Wally, while the audio file for Wally's "call" recording is also called "duet" when you open it in another tab. Audio files with "duet" is a sign that Home is present. This means that red is not strictly a Wally colour, but also the colour for Home!

(if you're curious, the other audio called "duet" is Wally's little song he sings)

This is interesting, because Wally and Home are often treated as a duo, moreso than any other characters of Welcome Home. I would also like to point out another detail, one that I think ties into this tie between Wally, Home and the colour red.

The Records

All the records from Wally's hidden message ("I will help you understand neighbor, I will find a way soon.") are red! Sure, some are glitched, but they are all red. As is this record with the strange audio (has anyone decoded this yet?). This audio is directly tied to Wally, as it's called "(DRAWING?) WITH WALLY DARLING".

However the hidden one's may not just be Wally. Though they are all name the tab "answer" when opened, I'm tempted to say that "answer" is wally prompting us to answer (or, alternatively, Wally is trying to answer us, however he perceives us).

I believe that Home is there too in the audio. If you listen to all of them in a row, turning up the audio will reveal that there is a heart beat in the background. This, I want to say, is Home and not Wally, as Wally does not seem to register them. It peaks about halfway through with Neighbor, coincidentally the audio that is both glitching and is made of a series of clicks rather than voice lines.

I have seen people say that this is "Help Me" or "Hello" in morse code. I do not know which is the agreed translation is (to me it sounds like "…. . ..-.. .. -.. ---", which translates to "HEĘIDO", which is not a word. However it most resembles "…. . .-.. .-.. ---" which translates to "HELLO")

Regardless of what Home may be saying, it shows that the hidden recordings can be put together into a timeline that sounds like one recording, which means it's most likely all recorded at the same place. Ergo, Home is in the hidden recordings as well!

Other spots where red is brought up

There are other instances of red being tied to Wally. Some are obvious, like his love of apples (red ones specifically), the Wally prints/finger paint on the bottom of the guestbook, the background of the "i <3 Wally" gif/sticker in the sticker section of the site (also shared with Home. Wally's character description is also shared by home!), Wally himself in the "so-below" page, among other things. Such as the Wally themed telephone being red, despite his more iconic blue swirled hair (or blue and yellow-trimed sweater), his clothing in multiple official artworks, the Wally cereal box, and more.

(Like something I've noticed, which is that Home is the only house that's a solid colour (red!) without any pattern breaking it up, plus the most "standout" red that Wally typically wears being tied around his neck (symbolism?). Plus the "W" of Welcome Home is red! That's fun too!

There's also some... stranger ones. Such as this hidden piece of morse code found by this person, which spells out ".. -- .-. . -..", or "IM RED" when translated to english.

And more hidden ones too, that tie into the hidden staff page (I have a post breaking that down that you can find here!! I cover everything I could find plus went through the website code, if you want to know everything about the secret staff site check it out!)

There is the red safe, which has in WHRP universe lore!! I delve into this in my other post, just know that it is something that exists both in the secret website (it is what introduces you to the hidden website!) AND it exists in the WHRP world, both written about in printed emails and as a physical object seen within The Room:tm:. You may also notice everyone is represented by their original colours, except for home, who is now white (or blank?).

There's also scrap pieces of red paper spilled on the ground in The Room:tm: (that have drawn spirals), a red clock in the style of Wally's red car, a red painting of some sort on the wall of The Room:tm: (that we never get a good look at, though it may have a drawn yellow eye in the upper center), a red apple, and most importantly of all, this:

The Red Notebook

This is no ordinary notebook. This here is the notebook that the WHRP team have "loaned" the Question Answerer, also known as the Head Curator of Question Answer! according to the printed emails. This book is very important because there are multiple signs that it was written by Wally. Inside is a sketchpad attached to the lefthand interior bookcase with little paintings and a handprint suspiciously similar to that on the bottom of the GuestBook page and doodles in the styles Wally has used (spirals, finger paint smiley face, the drawn apple, etc).

(by the way, if you're interested in what the note says the most accurate translation I've found is by Tumblr user truckfreaks

"Hello,

My name doesn't matter. I am here to catalogue something I'm not sure is fully real. But it must be. I'm holding all the evidence in my hands. Pictures. Characters. Text I can barely read. It's called "Welcome Home" and it looks like it might've been a children's book? Like I said, I can't tell.

It was sopping wet when I found it. When I first reached into one of the brightly colored envelopes, my hand was already covered in some gross, [unknown - possibly “oozing”] material. It feels like antiques are always covered in some kind of grime. I'm trying to clean up what I have and do a little more digging.

There's only one name I can make out right now... Wally. Probably important, but like I said, I'll keep looking.

XOXO"

The wrap up (don't want to make this too long!)

Regardless of what you make of this, it shows that there is even more proof of Wally, not just the character but the Wally ""haunting"" the website and the Wally within the WHRP universe, all being tied to the colour red. (Quick clarification: The Wally we see in branding, clips of the show, etc are all Wally, however he isn't current Wally. He is the Wally of the past, the original Wally, the base Wallly, whatever you want to call him. Therefore I separate him from the "now" Wally. It's unconfirmed whether the Wally that's seemingly trying to communicate with us through the website is the same as the Wally that seems to be related to all the objects being sent to Question Answerer, who is the same Wally that is constantly calling them. If so, then there is only one "now" Wally. If they are separate, then there are two, possibly one in the website itself and one focusing on Question Answerer. Please note, this is all speculation).

While it's true that red is Wally's favourite colour, I believe that it's far more than just that tying Wally and the color red together. Going forwards, anything red that isn't immediately branded as a Wally related object should be considered important, at least I think so.

As for the connection between Wally and Home, both sharing the colour Red? I think this primarily is a display of how the two characters either rely on each other or are, in the vaguest of ways, tied together by fate.

Good bye for now!

#welcome home #wally darling #welcome home analysis #wh home #i have... so many thoughts!! so much I wish to ramble on!! but I shall leave it with this #hopefully it makes sense! if not I will re-read it later and maybe make it more comprehensive #but summary: red and wally!! important!! this is important!! #also question answerer... you and me we're buds from another universe @:) #the reason why question answerer is mentioned is because their part of the story is VERY important when analyzing #the background WHRP-universe happenings. The objects are heavily implied to be coming straight from the Welcome Home world #(though covered in a black ooze. The same ooze mentioned in the letter BESIDE the notebook tied to Wally AND the same ooze growing on #growing on the walls of The Room:tm:) #Other objects appearing in The Room:tm: also have this black ooze. AND!! #this black ooze is known not just by Question Answerer (who seems to be the main restorer of the Welcome Home media) #but also by the WHRP team.. who directly tells Question Answerer that if they feel nauseous #dizzy sick or otherwise unwell around the stuff.. to just ignore it! #denial TRULY is the BEST medication folks /it is not please take care of yourselves!! #however the emails (printed? which is suspicious?) between the WHRP team and Question Answerer are... odd #very odd. An oddness that goes beyond a simple company acting in corporate interest over employee safety #maybe I should cover that? #hmmmm so many things!! so many thoughts!! #Alas my habit of writing much in the tags cannot be stopped. anyways thank you very much for reading!! #I encourage you to share thoughts (if you wish! No pressure of course!) #syncrovoid.txt

[didhewinkback]

chug

a something old blurb about the beer whale (whale beer?) (wheer?) (bhale?)

warning: slight smut at the end bc i know thats what the people come to see

---

“Just stand where I can see yeh’” was the request he mumbled into your hair before kissing you on the cheek and heading to the huddle, leaving you free to roam, beers in hand, determined to enjoy the show from a new vantage point, surrounded by the crew members you’ve gotten to know and love over the years. 

You spent the first half with Sandy and Sarah and the catering legends, giggling and dancing to the songs you all knew like the back of your hand at this point, locking eyes with him when he brought out Wet Leg, big smirk on his face as he sauntered up to the mic, eyes burning into yours while he sang one line of the chorus over and over, fire in his eyes when you sang it right back to him. 

You duck down to the front of the stage for the second half, ensuring the lads were well hydrated with water and beer alike, feeling like your heart was going to burst watching him have the time of his life on that stage. In utter disbelief at what the past two and half years have been for him and you both, watching him soar to new heights you always knew were possible but couldn’t imagine seeing play out in real time, the boy whose school band played at your 15th birthday party now singing to stadiums across the world, loving every second and being loved in return. 

He’s at his best when he’s up there, his big, open heart ripe for the taking, making the crowd of thousands feel like a small room of his closest friends, relishing in the attention, the screams, the insatiable energy, gratitude radiating out of every fiber of his being. It’s enough to make you weep when you think about it for too long, an impossible to articulate experience of watching the person you love most in this world achieve their dreams over and over again. 

It’s overwhelming, mind-blowing and also really fucking fun, you think, cheers-ing with the lads as you started another round of beer (it is the end of tour after all), watching as Harry runs across the stage, picking up his water bottle, poised for the classic whale, almost like clockwork. But this time, he pauses, doing a quick double take when he sees you down front with the crew. 

He gestures to your half drunk cup, ushering it towards him as you hold it up to the cheers of your group, Brad’s long arms aiding the transfer as Harry takes it from him and after smiling back at the band, downs it in one go, much to the delight of the lads. They’re goading him on, chanting his name, but everything whites out around you as all you can focus on is the way his throat moves, the beer that misses his mouth falling onto his naked chest, dripping down in a way that makes you feel warm all over. Never one to mind a messy face.

It’s over in seconds but feels like it went on for ages, a time bending effect he always seems to have on you. He winks at you before placing the cup down, facing the crowd fully as he spits it into the air, wide grin on his face as you all cheer before he runs to the other side of the stage.

It’s much later, after the final songs, the emotional thank yous, the celebratory post-show drinks on the beach with the whole crew, that you stumble into bed together, both a bit drunk off the booze and each other, burning up from one too many lingering stares across the party, whispered conversations about how good he looked up there, your beer all over him, his ripped chest gleaming in the spotlight. He’s pressing you into the mattress in record time, hands sliding all over your body as his lips leave their mark on your skin, breath catching at the never-ending stream of praise leaving your mouth as you get lost in each other, in this night, consumed by overwhelming pride and love and the carnal need to have each other close. 

“You’re proud of me, huh?” he grunts into your ear, hand sliding down your thigh to hike it up around his hip, the new angle making the both of you moan out loud. “Y’ love me?”

“Yes, H. Fuck. So much, I -”

“Want y’ to show me,” he says, voice deep in your ear as he smacks a kiss to your cheek, your temple, biting at your lips while his hands slide up your body, interlacing your fingers to hold your hands over your head, his chest sliding against yours. “Be my good girl and show me how proud y’ are, how much y’love me. Want to see it. Want to feel it. C’mon baby, show me -”

So you do. 

Again.

And again.

And again.

---

taglist:@tobesolovelysstuff, @louyoursins, @daydreamingofmatilda, @jojo-blog53, @marzhshaim, @devilsqueen722, @just-happiness-only,@lomlhstyles, @feestyles, @spock4presidnet, @sunshinemoonsposts, @indierockgirrl, @jerseygirlinca, @kissitnhekitchen, @goldnrry,

#truly did not edit this in the slightest my laptop is about to die so am just saying fuck it and posting #ya girl is 3/3 for final show blurbs wow what a time to be alive #i am illl and mentally unwell but i am a dreamer #omg these tags #okay #pls let me know what you think messages are what make the world go around #aka my world #omg my laptop is losing it so am i #harry styles blurb #something old

[uncanny-tranny]

You know... it's okay to trust your body. If you are separated from your body to such an extent you feel you cannot trust it, I truly from the bottom of my heart empathize and feel grief for you, but you can trust your body.

It's okay to listen to your body and to heed what it is telling you. I wish you (and your body) well wherever you go. You deserve the peace of mind to feel able to do what you want.

#positivity #mental health #mental health support #gentle reminders #this is something i struggle with myself so that's why i said i empathize (well... i guess as much as you CAN empathize) #(because even if you have gone through the same thing... it's not going to look the same as somebody else going through that) #(and while it can be valuable to express empathy it doesn't mean you truly 'get it' from the other person's point of view) #i struggle sometimes not to feel like my body is fucking with me because sometimes i expect it to function at bare minimum #or i just assume that when it is in debilitating pain that it's just... somehow to fuck with me and i am cognizant that this isn't true #i am cognitively aware that the body isn't Specifically Designed to have a Fuck With You mode even if it feels like it #but my experiences with disabilities and general unwellness made it easy for me to alienate myself from my body #in order to preserve myself i felt the need to separate myself from every flaw (or 'flaw') i have #so when people are confused about why you could mistrust your /own body/ it's stuff like this that can somewhat illustrate it #i think we don't really talk about this but i think it's more common than i would assume #(mostly based on the There Are Eight Billion People principle) #hm making this also makes me realize that abuse absolutely plays into how i mistrust my body. hm. #mistrust in your body feels like self-protection and self-preservation in this weird and almost twisted way (at least in my experience) #but then you start mistrusting *everything* and nothing feels... GOOD or NORMAL anymore #i'm going to play mahjong about this 🫡👍

[kvaughanarts]

Christmas is over but my thirst never is

#I just want to start with an apology— #fanart #my art #IN MY DEFENSE THEY DID NOT HAVE TO MAKE HIM SO FINE #REALLY ITS THEIR FAULT IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT #scrooge netflix #Scrooge #i am deranged #i am unwell #someone put me down #take away my hands #truly that’s the only solution #just… just look away

[raymurata]

The problem with making a story that goes hard... Is that simply listening to a song (or a couple of songs) that catches its vibes right leaves you in a puddle of tears on the floor in the middle of a work day. I've got class in a while and dishes to do and laundry to hang and I am sobbing and suffering over pixels in my mind...

#the pain of knowing it could have been different #and yet it probably wouldn't have been different at all #the absence (of what really mattered) is just so devastating #i suffer i suffer .-. i make myself cry #it makes ME -- the writer -- want to go back and change things #bc it hurts so much #truly a tragedy #and bc i can't fast forward to when things are well #i am stuck in the suffering #and having to pull myself up from the floor wipe my tears and go do the dishes #unwell

[julykings]

i need to be near a body of water at any given moment or i will lose my mind

#truly feeling unwell this evening . getting off my phone going to moisturize and catch up on wwdits …..! #i have so much work to do this weekend and i need to like . not look at my phone. phone addiction is getting like problematic for me lol #and just my brain. it hasn’t even been that bad screen time wise it’s just so compulsive now #and makes me so stressed . I’m so happy to be doing well w my art on insta etc but mannnnn it makes me anxious constantly #going to go swim in the river tomorrow evening tho. #ok. love u #personal #selfie

[buttercupbuck]

you do not have to be good. you do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. you only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves  -- ‘wild geese’ by mary oliver

[image description: 4 large gifs of evan buckley from 9-1-1.

gif 1: from season 6 episode 11. in his dream, buck talks to bobby (offscreen) about his in-between situation, wondering “i-is it like a punishment, or a time-out...do I have to do some type of penance before i’m allowed to move on?” the gif is colored in black and white.

gif 2: from season 4 episode 5. fire blazes around buck and the sprinklers pour on him as he sinks to the ground in the middle of the factory, futilely attempting to pull the rope to save saleh. the gif is colored in black and white.

gif 3: from season 6 episode 11. in his dream, buck walks around the hospital with bobby and says, “just need to figure out...what to fix to get out.” the gif is colored in black and white.

gif 4: from season 6 episode 11. in his dream, buck tells his dream self (offscreen), “i’m not going back for them. i’m going back for me.”

/end ID]

#i just....something about buck choosing life purely for himself #...choosing life instead of feeling like he needs to die to atone for all the things he couldn't control or fix #choosing life not because people need him and because he feels like he needs to fix everything but truly for the first time just for himself #it makes me so unwell but im so proud of him #evan buckley #911 spoilers #911 on fox #911 fox #9-1-1 #911 #911edit #alicia edits

[ranna-alga]

Crowley's subtle but devastating shift in expression before and after Aziraphale's "you're the bad guys" comment (I need to be sedated)

#ranna word dumping #it's LITERALLY giving “his eyes softened” #in the WORST WAY!!!!! #you can just see his heart shatter a little more from those eyes and eyebrows #the spanish flu must have returned because i am severely unwell #i hate making discoveries that hurt me so much #i truly am my own worst enemy #good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #go2 #good omens 3 #aziracrow #no nightingales #ineffable husbands #ineffable divorce #crowley #aziraphale #crowley and aziraphale #aziraphale and crowley #crowley x aziraphale

[pepprs]

my depression is getting really really bad. like it’s been bad before but this is like… consistently really bad. like a long unending stretch for several weeks (and tbh months) now. to the point where no inoculation actually sticks (and im isolating myself from most of my inoculations anyway and feel unable to stop doing it even though i know it’s self destructive). im either helplessly unbearably miserable or numbing out on video games. i just don’t feel like it’s going to get better for me and i KNOW that is factually untrue but the feeling is louder than the knowledge and it’s just utterly immobilizing. ive been sinking in quicksand for 2 years.

#purrs #longer than that too ofc but i think ever since i moved to campus in 2021 and shit started hitting the fan my life just started snowballing #and picked up speed majorly when i moved back home and ive been stuck in this horrible limbo ever since. like im scaring myself with how #deeply profoundly unhappy and unwell i am. i am just detached and scattered and bewildered by everything. and the only way to break free is #to fight it but i don’t even have the strength. like in order to fight it i have to have the strength and it s exactly the thing that is #being stolen from me. and i work really really hard to suppress it when im around people so no one can tell but on the inside im being eaten #alive and every day that goes on the pain gets harder to bear except im numb most of the time so i can’t tell except for when i can #one of the things that makes me saddest is ive pushed everyone away either by ghosting them or scaring them. when what i want and need the #most is love and comfort. but then when i get it it isn’t enough. idk. im not explaining it well i just feel like. horrible. unbearably #i think i need to go on meds like i truly cannot go on like this not even in a s*i cidal way it’s like i just can’t take living like this #delete later #i know im causing the people who love me pain by being unable to accept that they do love me and that’s the worst fucking part. is hurting #people by being like this. scaring people by being like this. and being so disconnected from myself #and feeling completely and utterly beyond help like nothing ive tried has fixed it but also there are a lot of things i haven’t tried but i #feel so terrible or my freedom is limited so i can’t. idk. #also the crushing knowledge / sense that i have lost the most precious important years of my life both bc of the lockdown and bc of mental #illness lol. except that’s not true bc of all the stuff abt how your best years are always ahead of you and you can make them. but it doesnt #feel like it for me and then i beat myself up bc my job is literally to exude that belief and help other ppl feel it and i increasingly cant #i remember in high school having the thought that one day i could be depressed and being conscious that i wasn’t and now i look back on that #and am like… how. and will i ever not be. i don’t think so. it just feels unending

[todayisafridaynight]

dodging-the-question ass type of answer i have to lay down

#snap chats #YK WHAT I MEAN god this is still a funny answer to me i remember during my first playthrough i was just #'cunt thats not what he asked WHO DO YOU. SWEAR FEALTY TO' fuckin /arakawa entrusted me to you/ WHO DO YOU-- #are you here on your own volition or because arakawa sent you Are You Here Ultimately For Aoki's Sake Or Arakawa's #am i making sense. im 90% sure im making sense. #cause using my EYEBALLS it fuckin lookin like he's here on arakawa's order and not so much aoki's #I MEAN WE KNOW SAWASHIRO LITERALLY LIVES ONLY FOR HIS SON DON'T GET IT TWISTED #this is only a point of contention considering the horrors down the line.. and sawashiro TRULY havin to answer that question.. lol.. #that whole question of Who's Sawashiro Loyal To at the end of the day.... that shit got answered with arakawa's body in the bay #and some old fuck with his eyeball punctured in #At The End Of The Day WHO IS HEAD HONCHO IN YOUR HEART figured it out gang #wow i love him he's so unwell <3 gonna go watch that scene again bye

[kimmkitsuragi]

if i dont see my friends tomorrow i will literally die

#i know im always so dramatic about this but im so alone it's pathetic....... #like everyone always has other people and im always asking people to pleeeeease pay attention to me like a pathetic dog #i keep asking people 'so are we meeting this week' 😥 like i swear im always asking this #and i just feel so pathetic about this like. heeyyy hiii please meet me someone im so normal hahaha pleaseeee 😥 #and i dont want to blame people because like yeah. life. in general #but also it just keeps happening how we specifically set up a possible time and #then that time comes and TO ME it's supposed to be like the best day ever. literally the only time i can ever feel happiness. ONLY time fr #and then it's just another thursday for them like they promised someone else something. #and then i have to be like okay :') what about next week x day then :') #and then i ALWAYS end up making myself believe that this time it's actually gonna work out!!!! really!!!!!!! #and then it never does!!!!!! for such a long time!!!! #and i know like. whatever. life. it's literally normal i know and im not blaming them i really am not #but im just blaming myself for being so pathetic that the only sliver of happiness in my life is #meeting other people every few weeks if im lucky lmao #like. truly loser behavior #before anyone says i should meet new people maybe. that's true probably #but. :') #that post that goes like 'how it feels to be in a transitional period in your life' lmaoooooooooooo ooooo ooooo you know #anyway. i will probably delete this when i realize how unwell i sound but. well #🗒

[shieldwife]

also worth saying that this is driving me to writing thg fanfic bc I'm genuinely pissed off, but my favourite way of engaging with thg isn't even with canon characters at this point. it's through thinking about two ocs I've had for years that I mentally refer to as "toxic fishermen yuri", and I'm incapable of writing extensively abt anything related to thg that doesn't involve them lol

#toxic fishermen yuri is like: #what if we were childhood friends who grew up together in our working class neighbourhood and knew each other in a way no one else ever wil #but you were being indoctrinated into thinking that our evil fascist government and their child murder competition were actually cool #and that you should totally volunteer for them one day. and even though I unlike you am immune to propaganda I can't abandon you #I'll never abandon you. you're the only person who has ever truly known me and I'm the only person who has ever really known you #so even after you volunteer and I watch you become twisted into something I KNOW you're not and you come back as ghost of your former self #with blood on your hands and a dead look in your eyes I'm still here. I'll always be here. I promise. #even when I become more and more deeply involved in a plot against our government and you become more and more entertwined with it #and I watch you be used and abused by it even as you claim you owe everything to them. and so many ppl I know claim you're a collaborator #a capitol loyalist and a traitor I know you're not. I know you. you had good intentions and did what you thought was right #I know you're just scared. I know you just want to protect people and you're just trapped in a web of you're own making #and given the opportunity? I know you'd take a way out. I know you'd do the right thing. I dont care what you or anyone else thinks. #I'm still here. I can't abandon you even if I wanted to. and I know you won't abandon me #and also we were both girls #anyway. they make me unwell </3 I love toxic homoerotic friendships. I literally can't talk about them or I just. do what you see above #I go completely insane and I know literally no one else will care lol #op

[filibusterphil]

Just your job?

Well…and my pleasure

I am Unwell

#warrior nun #warrior nun spoilers #I am UNWELL #this season is making me so happy #I love a slow burn #I don’t even know if this can be called slow burn #we burning quick to be honest #and I’m loving the flames all the way down #this is episode two and truly they make me feel insane #I love them #they’re in love your honor #it’s just gonna take some time for them to see it and that’s even better