#i am stuck in the suffering

[raymurata]

The problem with making a story that goes hard... Is that simply listening to a song (or a couple of songs) that catches its vibes right leaves you in a puddle of tears on the floor in the middle of a work day. I've got class in a while and dishes to do and laundry to hang and I am sobbing and suffering over pixels in my mind...

#the pain of knowing it could have been different #and yet it probably wouldn't have been different at all #the absence (of what really mattered) is just so devastating #i suffer i suffer .-. i make myself cry #it makes ME -- the writer -- want to go back and change things #bc it hurts so much #truly a tragedy #and bc i can't fast forward to when things are well #i am stuck in the suffering #and having to pull myself up from the floor wipe my tears and go do the dishes #unwell

[tea-cat-arts]

Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction- #is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy) #I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head- #the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right? #being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing) #bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

[hyakunana]

"Son, please— we're having a moment here."

#Lies of P #lop #neowiz #pinocchio #geppetto #geppetto lop #pinocchio lop #fanart #comics #tw blood #as I prepare this post I am facing who i believe to be the last boss in my very first run #aND IM VERY FRAGILE OK #watch me cope with finale emotions w a //ba dum tss// dumbass comic #heard they nerfed the bosses after me getting stuck two days in the cathedral and im like #part of me is happy bc god yeah not much suffering #but the other part is like ok this is too easy wasnt i supposed to suffer?? #there was two bosses i defeated in my third try and one in my second tHSI ISNT RIGHT #also very small spoiler alert but i'm keeping my p with the short hair ok I GOT ATTACHED TO IT

[souryam]

there's like virtually nothing you can say to me or quotes u can throw in my face to convince me that 20 year old Lily was fine and ok with her husband (a.k.a basically the only person she has around) sneaking out at night to. what. annoy muggle police officers? So many people say "oh no she was talking fondly" and I never got it bc I've always read it as her coming across as annoyed. annoyed but trying to tone it down giving that it was a letter to Sirius. Like imagine you're 20 year old with a newly born baby having to live in almost complete isolation in the middle of a war and a half of the parental unit just decides to dip every Wednesday for #boysnight like what

#lily evans #i joke saying she was clawing the walls of that cottage and would be divorced the second voldemort fell to the ground but. #it might not be a joke anymore #anti james potter #anti jily #also i say that as a 19 yo whos turning 20 in june #i cant even conceive the idea of having a child #its scary to think that she was the same age as i am when she was pregnant/had harry bc now i see she was SO YOUNG #also im not even mentioning lily saying he was GRUMPY over not being able to leave at night anymore #my brave girl suffered more than jesus being stuck at home w a annoying white man omfg

[blueberryspyder]

The worst thing about getting into a fandom long after the source material has ended is that you literally cannot look for fanfiction EVER because it’s ALL SPOILERS

#catch me out here flipping my desk over because I can’t read Rusty Quil Gaming fanfic #i can’t always listen to podcasts! as much as I want to! #but I have no supplemental content in the mean time that won’t spoil it!! #so instead I’m stuck in my own head making a self insert like the dork ass loser I am #I’ve drawn art and everything #screams in agony #rusty quil gaming #RQG #if anyone in the fandom sees this please talk to me I have no one to talk to about this LOL #I’m SUFFERING #captain's log

[saintchaser]

thinking about sirius and walburga, and about how they’re so similar; for this very reason they tear at each other, because “i can’t love myself, so i will not be able love you either, but i will try to show you the little i have and that is through blood and spit and tears”, and how they used to be a mother and a son, and he used to hold her hand, and she used to kiss his temple and hold him in her arms, the skirt of her dress an aura around them, and how they grew to be strangers, and about how how walburga was chained to the destiny sirius was supposed to have too, but sirius had always been so, so stubborn, more so than her, even, and he was not tied to a family that he did not want to have. because the thing is, walburga was a mother. she was supposed to stay, to love, to care for, but how could she, when not even her own mother had loved her? when all she carried with herself was bitterness and resentment? how was she supposed to love the boy who had her eyes, her mouth, her temper, her undying devotion, flesh from her flesh and blood from her blood, the boy of her tears and joy and anger? besides, he wasn’t her son anymore, he was euphemia’s, because even though he has walburga’s mouth, he smiles like euphemia, and even though he has walburga’s eyes, his eyes crinkle the same way as euphemia’s do. maybe he just wasn’t meant to be her son, and that hurt more than anything else ever hurt her. she knows he’s happy, he saw him at the station when he boarded to hogwarts, his eyes bright and his smile wide, and although she held resentment toward him because he got away, she was happy that at least he did not have to live the life she had to. and sirius is a star, bound to burn until there’s nothing really left of him, and she is a saint, chained to a life she did not want to have, a martyr of some sort.

#i am not saying that walburga is a good person HOWEVER i do think that she had her own trauma and her own suffering #i think that we should like. look aside the little information we have on her because i think that in the end she was a bitter woman #who was stuck in a life she didn’t want to live (oureblooded society is definitely not a healthy place to be in) and therefore. h. #having thoughts about sirius and her and ambout mother and child relationships and hhhh #sirius black #walburga black #sirius&walburga #my writing

[suntails]

eepy lil guy

#i cannot put into words the amount of love and affection i have for him. u do not understand. he is my SON im giving him a QUILT #the first character i think in my whole life that i have loved so deeply i wish he were real so i could tell him. i want adoption papers #i feel so bad i wish he didnt hafta suffer with the tired eepy. i want to get him uncursed i want him cured i want him to be free from sleep #the absolutely crushing guilt of how much he misses from being tired all the time sounds miserable i want to #i dont even know. i want to help. i am just a stupid lil lady on my phone how can i possibly help him from here. it sucks. im stuck behind t #he screen and theres nothing i can do. it KILLS me. like haha if i invite him to my guest room 1000 times maybe itll help. sobs #twisted wonderland #twst #twst silver #silver vanrouge #suntails

[literallyneurodivergentandaminor]

i think like this.

tag from this post of @drxxmingofblue, designs inspired by @deathbars, @zzoupz and @vincepti0n

crunchy tasty lineart under cut

#i HATE that the colors are so BLURRY ugh as a mspaint user i am suffering #i used autodesk sketchbook for coliring since i had it installed for schoolwork #coloring***** #im dumb #anyway #actual tags now #twitblr #twitter x tumblr #socialstuck #websitebound #twitblr ruined me #yahoo forgive me for stucking the socials

[tippenfunkaport]

🎵 Cats Sit On You

...and sometimes they take over Etheria 🎵

#the story pirates #cats sit on you #spop #shera #she ra #catradora #catra #adora #will anyone understand this reference? #let's find out... #when this song is stuck in your head for the rest of the day I am sorry #but also I am not because why should I suffer alone

[twobites]

is this something (alt text under cut)

Image 1: Still from The Social Network of Mark leading Eduardo outside the party.

Image 2: Connor McDavid and Dylan Strome talking inside an arena.

Image 3: Transcript from The Social Network. MARK: “I’m afraid if you don’t come out here you’re going to get left behind. I want - I want - I need you out here, please don’t tell him I said that.” EDUARDO: “What did you just say?” MARK: “It’s moving faster than any of us ever even imagined and -” EDUARDO: “What do you mean get left behind?”

Image 4: Still from The Social Network of the above scene.

Image 5: 2015 headline from The Star, “Dylan Strome happy to develop in Connor McDavid’s shadow”

#i know there is an audience for this because when i was reading tsn fic i was all do these people only write hockey??? #and now here i am. #this whole post was made because of the first two images like it's literally just about the aesthetics #look i really do not think mcstrome are mark/wardo coded they are closest to the stuck in the phone call second act #like first nhl season you are back home in the east coast and the pressure is kind of getting to me. i don't need you but i want you #but if i don't need you then i won't have you! #THAT BEING SAID (sol spiceberrie has suffered so much because of me) #andrew being beloved and acclaimed (not by the oscars) and lots of male peers but jesse fucking off to raise a family after a lone breakout? #that's...not nothing! #mcstrome #1997 #dyn: wishbone #talky #i want to say i would have posted this eventually. but i made it today because sol

[boyywithluv]

.

#having a creative rut feeling #gonna rant #im basically a giant baby and i don't handle angst very well #and i constantly worry that im just. idk mentally weak or a deeply uninteresting person bc of it. #every big fantasy artist i see is usually very into making sad or angsty pieces and like i wish i was like that #like i fall into this mental hole very very often that im just holding myself back with how many subjects i dont write or draw #but also like when i DO write dark subjects it doesn't make me feel any better?? #i dont like feeling sad or angry bc once i am its extremely hard to get back out of it. #and thats scary for me. #but also i want to make art that means something instead of my nonestop slew of smut and feelgood content. #i genuinely feel so trapped by my own emotions and its sp frustrating. #i keep getting told how good for you it is to get the negative feelings out but it never helps when i do it #i just feel. worse? i dont feel good. #i kinda wanna delete the one cloud post bc it just doesn't feel good. #ugh #idk i want to have good intelligent things to say and thoughtful art to make #and everything i make feels soft and cheesey and lame. #not that i find those things lame #but just that it feels like im stuck in baby brain. #when i was a teen i would write horror stories!!! i still love horror!!! #but if i make someone suffer in fic now it feels me with this awful awful overwhelming sense of dread and guilt and i end up so upset #im frustrated at me bc this is such a fucking weird sensitivity to have. im tried of telling myself its okay #bc i WANT to feel mentally free enough to create shit that isnt just uwu soft. #i don't think im making sense but like. #you know #I've literally been bullied out of fandom spaces for only making soft content #multiple times. #so idk maybe this is a learned sense of shame #but i feel like a big over sensitive baby and like I'd be able to do so much more if i wasn't #vent ish

[sysig]

I hope you blink before I do (Patreon)

#Doodles #SCII #Helix #ZEX #DAX #Blood #Fuck you *reinjects romance into your song about love-lost* #It's the ''I want to be the one to lay you to rest'' of it all #Or if not that then at least to be the last one suffering #See him off - make sure he goes knowing that he's not alone #I'm Fine just Don't Look at me and I'll Be Fine #Schrödinger's Fine lol - I am simultaneously Fine and Not Fine until I am observed #I simply subsist largely off of angst and then whatever small scrap of comfort that can be coaxed from there hehe #I am very mean to them considering how much I want them to be happy lol #Honestly I think what would be meaner is seeing ZEX off and then somehow DAX survives alone #Night ends just as he's about to blink out and oops you're still stuck here sorry about that <3 #But I wouldn't do that to them would I? #:3c #I also think it's interesting that I started doodling this before I actually read ZEX's death - I finished it after but still! #Does he just give off gutted vibes? Canonically he's eviscerated so #And not just in the eye way - in this case it's enucleation #Did you come here for eye removal surgery puns? I don't see why you'd expect anything different *b'dm tss* #I've done way more research on eye removal than I ever expected to but now those two terms will be forever seared into my mind haha #Hhh ZEX's death was very affecting to me ;; I'll talk about it more with its accompanying doodle but really 💔 #I wanted an honourable death for him - and if not that then a death where he wasn't alone - and if not that then to rest #He got one of the three ;;

[swagrum76]

tags

read the hastags

#I don't know what I was thinking #Leaving my child behind #Now I suffer the curse and now I am blind #With all this anger #guilt and sadness #Coming to haunt me forever #I can't wait for the cliff at the end of the river #Is this revenge I am seeking? #Or seeking someone to avenge me? #Stuck in my own paradox #I wanna set myself free #Maybe I should chase and find #Before they'll try to stop it #It won't be long before I'll become a puppet #It's been so long #Since I last have seen my son lost to this monster #to the man behind the slaughter #Since you've been gone #I've been singing this stupid song so I could ponder #The sanity of your mother

[robustcornhusk]

last november, ran 8:15 min/mile pace for 13.1 miles (a hair under a 1:50 half marathon); it was absolutely everything i had in me -- i even pulled a muscle in my fucking arm in the process

this morning, ran 8:15 min/mile pace for 12 miles; it wasn't easy pace but i wasn't pushing it too hard, either, plenty of energy left over to do weekend shit

i've gotten stronger!!!

actually that's a fucking lie. i do not have plenty of energy left. i have enough but only just enough.

#fake jock bullshit #admittedly today was a less hilly route than the half; like 400 vs 600 feet of elevation gain #partner is suffering due to injury and is stuck on the dreadmill for a bit #glad we have it! sucks to need it though #they figured out how to watch shit on the old-ass tablet we have kicking around #what did you watch? i asked. #they responded: i am continuing my family's tradition of watching endurance sports while on a treadmill #full sausage experience

[trans4trans]

love going over to my dads family’s house and i briefly mention transgenderism and my cousins suddenly think it’s okay to start debating whether trans people deserve respect and decide that being transgender is a mental illness and trans people are crazy and just playing pretend 😁 like ok never speaking to any of you again

#transphobia tw #one of my cousins was like “i’m not prejudiced i’m not” after i kept accusing him of being prejudiced bc of the shit he kept saying #and then he just fully comes out with “they’re all fucking crazy it’s a mental illness” #great! i don’t feel safe around you anymore! kill yourself! you will never make anything out of your miserable life and you will die with #nothing to your name on this awful trashy plot of land our family has been stuck on #he was saying the most racist shit too. terrible guy he said he lost so many friends over his opinions on trans people like yeah makes sens #no one wants to be around someone so hateful and denying of basic human rights and be called immature by them for believing in trans rights #i am so serious when i say im never talking to any of them again i left the groupchat i blocked them all they’re fucking sick #i hope they suffer for the rest of their boring ass lives. miserable fucks

[stressfulsloth]

Two hot water bottles 👍 I would get pain killers but that would mean moving and also the only water I have to hand is paint water so

#liveblogging the suffering #i feel like a stuck record of *oh no im sick again wow shocking* but. you know #personal #i am sorry for whinging but hhhhhhhhhh #pain