#i just need more of this show pls !! give me s2 now !! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jeanbie · 1 year

Text

SHARKBAIT ★ masterlist.

pairing: tolya x reader

warnings: long distance relationships, set after s2 | wc: 6.9k

note: i'm pining over tolya right now. also i know a loooot of fans view tolya as aroace so hopefully this reaches the right audience (and if the show runners or leigh ever confirm this then pls tell me)!!

⏤ Tolya can go months without seeing your face, but he can make out your shape in the darkness of the ship when you steal your visits, fleeing when the sun begins to light up the decks.

Tolya knew what it meant to long, to pine, to wonder and yearn for something you couldn't have. He saw it a thousand times with his poems, between the lines and in each stanza where a romance formed with metaphors and analogies; he saw it in his crew as they busied themselves across an unsteady ocean, searching for purpose and meaning in the vastness of blue and brown. He even saw it in his sister and passing maidens, in his captain and his need to be seen as something more than an amplifier, and he saw it in his own life- with his faith and his resilience, with his own novice works of poetry tucked into journals in his bunk, and in the whispers of silence between the two of you whenever he saw you again, and especially in the stretches of days where he didn't see you at all.

On board the Volkvolny, for what felt like years on end, Tolya had nothing but time to become familiar with what it meant to long. He'd stare out across the expanse of the sea, outlining your body in the clouds as they dipped below the horizon, in the waves rippling under the ship as it sailed away from Os Kervo to Kerch. Sometimes he thought he could make out your shape in the darkness of his bunk, a thin ghostly outline come to haunt him in his sleep, to torment his dreams. Often he woke up to a fading outline of body just to the side of his hammock, remembering that you weren't there, and wouldn't be for some time.

He supposed that he was lucky to be on this ship, with the world at his hands. There were days where he was so caught up in the passion of his work, alongside his never-faltering faith, that he didn't have time to think of you, instead only stumbling into your body through dreams, where you came to him as easily as the sea to the shore. Today hadn't been one of those days, and he feared that the crew on board the Volkvolny knew it too well.

It started off with his last nightmare. Taking steps together on a shoreline that looked like it belonged to a dip of earth in Shu Han, Tolya met you on the sands, his hand slotted into your own as he followed behind you, stepping into your sunken footprints. Tolya had been inches from your mouth before he was ripped away with the sound of horns and laughter, drops of water leaking through the deck overhead. Work was demanding his consciousness, and the image of you remained only on his eyelids as he groaned, rubbing his eyes sleepily. He'd gone about his day relatively normally after that, or about as normally as he could stomach it. Tamar had seen the worst of his mood- she watched him heave himself up the stairs to the deck with a frown deep on his face, an ache at the corner of his lips tugging down. The front he performed of happiness did little to arouse his crewmates, although they joined the spectacle, letting him think he was giving a performance of a lifetime.

For a while, his mood had settled. He'd only counted seeing you in hallucinations maybe three times, but he'd stopped counting after the third, and couldn't be sure if his mind was allowing him to stick with three for the sake of his own sanity. He'd spotted you in the twist of water under the bowsprit, once in the ripple of the sails and again in the clouds. After the third, his mood was so sour that he opted to be silent for the day's voyage. People never thought they'd miss the sound of his poetry until he took his pitiful vows of silence.

Saints, how he missed you. Each time you were gone, Tolya regretted every second of silence between the two of you, every time he passed up the chance to tell you how much he loved you. And each time you were here, back with him in his arms, he couldn't seem to find the words. You weren't part of the crew on voyage with the Volkvolny, although you were never not welcome as far as Sturmhond was concerned. It was just that you preferred being on land, seeking out thrills and leads and injustice, trying to piece together the gaps in your history. Tolya knew that was what held you to the Crows, and what Inej often said was your lifeline away from him. Still, Tolya yearned for the days you were back with him, however short and fleeting. Months could pass at sea and when he saw you again, it would be like no time had passed at all.

Kerch loomed in the distance. From the crow's nest, he was told that through the spyglass, the oblong shapes of Ketterdam ports could be seen, the buildings packed together tightly and the smoke rising in the air, thick and dark like fires were blooming in the streets. It would be about two days of sailing, if the winds kept up, but if they were lucky, they might arrive ahead of schedule. Tolya couldn't count the moments quick enough- two days would be agonising until he saw you again.

"Yeesh. I kinda miss your poetry right now." Tamar crept up from behind Tolya on the hull of the ship. Not far from where Tolya was standing, with his elbows holding his body up on the side of the beams, was Jacob's ladder, hitting the side of the vessel with irritating small clicks.

Tolya glanced at her, a smile naturally falling into place. As foul as his mood might have been, there was always room in his heart for his sister. "That's something I'll never hear you say again."

His sister grinned. "I'm serious! Go on, give me something?"

Tolya replied with quiet laughter, and Tamar did the same. The twins shared their laughter for a moment before finishing in silence, and Tamar stole a glance as her brother cast his gaze to the water, curving like ribbons around the underbelly of the ship.

"Missing her?" she asked softly.

Tolya rolled his eyes, but saying nothing was as good as admitting it.

"You know," Tamar continued, spinning so her back was pressed against the beams, "you could always just ask her to come with you." She gestured to the prow, "come with us."

"She wouldn't want to do that," Tolya said, shaking his head.

"Oh, so you asked her already?"

"Well— no."

"Then how'd you know?"

Tolya sighed, twisting his head. He knew that you were as good as a Crow— although not exactly affiliated in whatever Kaz did or did not do, anybody who knew you knew that you did work for Kaz that filled the gap Inej made on the quest to find her brother. Even before that, you'd told Tolya that Kaz occasionally found himself asking for your help with requests that extended outside of his immediate access. You had been of some help to him finding the name of the slaver ships and traders, of which the Volkvolny was sailing back to Kerch to deliver rescued shipment (one lacking Inej's brother in tow, and the slaver who sold them).

Your place was on land, on high ground. A bird could fly at sea, yes, but he feared you'd grow restless with little purpose on the ship. Everybody had a place and a role—he knew that simply being there for him wouldn't be a good enough reason for you to abandon whatever work you had unfinished on dry land, which is why he'd never asked you to come in the first place.

Tolya turned to face Tamar, eyeing her side-profile as she meticulously assessed the state of the ship. Many crewmates were down below, rifling through Shu poker cards and coins and sharing ghost stories with cups of ale and wine.

"Have you ever been so scared of losing something good?" he asked suddenly, making Tamar look back at him.

"All the time," she replied.

Tolya dared a glance back at the ocean, relieved that he didn't find you there. "Every time I see her again, it's like magic. Bigger and grander than any kind of Saint-like act. She becomes the most important thing in the room." He blinked. "I don't want that feeling to go away."

Tamar tilted her head, as if to say, 'Go on'. There was a comfort in their twinnish bond, but even with that, Tolya struggled to find the words. Writing poetry was easy—every embarrassing thought could be passed off as fictional prose, but in a conversation it wasn't quite as easy to put on a façade. At the best of times, Tolya was as cool as a sea-cucumber, with an easy going air that put people at ease. Just another performance of a lifetime, but he didn't have to pretend sometimes when he was with his sister.

"We're just very different," Tolya said cautiously, almost like he didn't believe it were true as he said it. "I'm worried she might grow too used to me. Might get restless."

"Bored, you mean?" Tamar interrupted. When Tolya said nothing, she threw herself into extended conversation, "Brother, she adores you. That kind of love is special. And if she didn't love you more when you were doing what you do best- as in, meandering around this beast with your poetry and stupid jokes-" He looked at her with a rising smile- "-then you'd be better off for it."

His stomach churned. He didn't want to be better off without you.

"Besides," Tamar offered her last words of comfort before pushing herself up and away from him, "there are thousands of men and women in the world for her to see each passing day, and yet she still falls into those arms of yours when we arrive in Ketterdam. If she can love you from a hundred miles away, then I think she'll manage loving you and your quirks on the open sea."

There was an insufferable ache in Tolya's chest whenever he thought back to his conversation with Tamar.

He'd busied himself the next day, throwing himself into heavy work around the ship as it sailed nearer to the coastline. His crewmates were thankful to see him in reasonably good spirits— Sturmhond had been particularly put off by his lack of comedic timing the day before, and had tried to think back to his own experiences with Alina back in Ravka, putting the pieces together in his own time— but they knew it was bought time with Tolya's pleasantries. Tolya wouldn't be at ease until they docked and only then could his mind be put at ease. It was always the days before returning to Ketterdam where Tolya seemed at his darkest, and it had happened enough times that they should all be used to it, but the sight of his downturned face never got any easier to process.

Night ensued, the moon casting a fickle light to the ocean as it lulled to a cool and calm tempo. The winds were kind tonight, not carrying the wind in an angry gust, and the waves were short and fluid. No storms hid behind thick flurries of clouds, and the creatures below whipped their fins and tails in harmony— no trouble would come tonight, he thought, and glad of it.

Tolya lay in his hammock, staring at the wooden boards above his head. Around him, his crew slept in peaceful slumbers, and to the far side of the room he could see the auburn light of Sturmhond's—now Mal, now that the charade was over— little black lamp sheltered next to a book he'd inherited with his title, now reading to fall asleep. Tolya sighed, his gaze back above.

The glow of light to his left allowed room for your shape to slowly appear, just an outline that got more hazy in his memory as the months went by. He gulped, the lump in his throat hard and sour tasting, and he closed his eyes quickly to throw away the image of you. Yet you remained, imprinted on his eyelids, smiling as he found sleep to take him away into the night.

When he awoke, he could hear the caw of gulls and loud voices beyond the ship, louder than what he knew his crew to be capable of. Tolya stirred for a moment before coming to his senses, his eyes honing in on the same spot he'd last seen you in above his slumbering form. The forecastle was bathed with yellow light, with the sun at an angle pouring down through the hatch to the upper deck, and as he awoke, Tolya could smell the distinct scent of crab hooks and wet moss, the lingering scent of oil and sewage and copper. Strange, he thought.

Balancing on the hammock, Tolya raised himself with his elbow and stole a glance around the forecastle. Two men lay snoring, too drunk the night before, and he noticed a third figure at the foot of his hammock, their back to him but hiding nothing about their identity. His heart lurched, he baulked, and the hammock twisted beneath him with a sudden jolt and his body was sent to the floor with a thud and a grunt.

"Easy, sharkbait."

Tolya's head whipped up quickly, the click in his neck aching. It was you- Y/N, his beloved Y/N, dressed in a blue coat that looked like Mal's. Underneath you wore a dark brown shirt tucked into your trousers—today the attire was more casual, for when you were at work you wore black and black alone. Inej told him it was to blend in with the night, but Tolya reckoned it was also because it flattered you.

You smiled at him warmly, laughing when he didn't move from the floor.

"Come on. Don't tell me after a few months you've forgotten this face?"

Tolya's mouth opened and closed. "What—no! How could I—wait, is that Mal's coat?"

He heard your laugh again as you drew near, pulling his bicep to pick him up off the floor. You were more than capable of pulling his weight, but you still found fun in pretending you couldn't. Tolya rose from the floor, both of his salt-soaked hands gently wrapping around your wrists as he faced you. A smile dawned on his lips as he drank in the image of you; fully fleshed out, solid, real, not a figment of his desperate imagination.

"I saw him up top," you told him. "He looks good as Sturmhond, right? I was almost charmed." You said it with a grin that made Tolya think otherwise, and you shuffled closer towards his torso, the action welcomed as his grip fastened slightly around your arms.

"Charmed enough to take his clothes?" Tolya asked. He knew that there would never be anything there with Mal—Saints, everybody knew that. Mal was too busy having his own mental quarrels with Alina to entertain the thought of somebody else, and well, you seemed perfectly content being charmed by a different captain below deck, smiling at you with sleep still hanging in his eyes.

"I always did look good in blue," you said.

Tolya hummed. "Yeah."

Falling into a silence, Tolya's eyes flickered across your face, soaking up the sight of you, making a mental note of what had changed while he'd been away. Not much, he found, bar a few scratches across your left cheek flanking down to your chin, and a greenish bruise under your eye. He frowned, moving his hand to ghost his fingers across the painted skin. Meanwhile, you did the same, observing changes in his appearance, concluding every detail: the richer tan across his skin, the stubbly pricks of hair around his jawline and the appearance of a new mark under his right nostril. Drunk on the image of him, you fixed your eyes back on his, surprised to see him already looking.

"What're you doing down here anyway, sharkbait?" you asked. Your voice was lower, quieter and softer, but he knew it had nothing to do with a shift in mood. Instead, you were just simply close enough for him to hear you without strain, close enough to hear you whisper, to hear you breathing.

Tolya offered a boyish smile. "You know."

"Had a long night?"

"Terribly long."

"What, enjoying someone's company til sunrise?" you teased, entertaining what could be signs of an insecurity in the bilge of your belly. Tolya pretended to ignore it, yet his heart sank nonetheless.

"Come on, you know me better than that," he laughed, bringing you in closer to him. Tolya nestled his nose against yours, moving it across your face to your cheekbone and closing you in with his arms around your shoulders. He sighed, comfortable. He'd missed this, the way your body felt against his, the way your arms felt around him. Saints, he'd missed this. Tolya took in a breath, his nose above your ear. "I've missed you."

Tolya heard a hum near his sternum, rumbling with a small vibration. It made his body bristle slightly but he warmed to your touch, his arms tightening around you.

"Me too, moi sol ye tselai," you replied, feeling his nose twitch as a smile grew on his face.

For a moment you stayed like that, entangled in the quiet of the forecastle. Tolya didn't waste a single second of it, not after the torment he'd given himself just hours before. After some time, Tolya felt you wiggling in his arms and he relaxed, opening the distance between you as he leaned back to look at your face. You looked back at him with a smile, head angled up to marvel at him, and Tolya's eyes shifted into crescent moons as he brought his head down to kiss you.

His one hand cradled the side of your face, the other at the back of your neck, and you made no resists to his advancements. Tolya kissed you deeply, lost in the familiar taste of your lips, sweet like the breakfast you must have ate before coming down here. He felt you kiss him back, the pressures combined, your hands up around his wrists. Your head leaned back slightly, his dominance slightly more assertive, as he captured your lips once, twice, thrice, never allowing a minute of rest.

When he did pull back, he was met with your widened eyes, shining in the light, and you bit down on your bottom lip to try and refrain from a smile. He saw it anyway, kissing you once more in a swift gesture and bringing himself back in what he thought was a commendable act of self restraint.

"I take it we are in Ketterdam," he asked, more of like a statement. It had to be true, since you were here. Unless he was dreaming, which he had a sinking feeling that he could be, perhaps trapped in a powerful lucid dream, some kind of sleep paralysis that had him smooching something akin to a squid on the prow. Unlikely, but not impossible, given his mood these days.

"How else would I be here?" you replied with a gentle laugh.

He held you by your waist as you turned, observing the forecastle he sometimes called home. Tolya freed his grasp with reluctance, holding your fingers til the last second and he fell forward a few steps trying to grab you back. You moved around the hammocks, ducking under a lamp with a feigned interest in the bunks. Tolya didn't like to use his heartrending on you, but he could hear your hammering heartbeat even without using his talents. He smiled in private, watching you with adoration.

"I arrived here as soon as you docked," you explained, still looking around. Tolya hummed with interest, leaning his weight against a support beam. "I was having breakfast with Nina when Jesper told me that your Volkvolny was coming to the harbour. I finished, paid and came here as fast as I could. You didn't meet me at the deck, but it was so early, I figured you'd be sleeping. I greeted your crew, shook hands with your new captain, hugged Tamar, stole a coat and then came down here." You smiled, spinning back to look at him. Your bravado was complete. "To answer your question—yes. Welcome back to Ketterdam."

Tolya loved when you launched into explanations like this. He had a series of entries in a journal you shared where you'd given full detailed accounts of your adventures, but the ink never did justice to the words as you said them. Tolya's grin widened.

"Kaz wanted to speak with you, too," you added, stepping back towards him and stretching out your hand. Tolya's stomach churned again when he took it with his own, feeling the small blisters across your skin from all your ropework and midnight affairs as an unofficial Crow. Like his own, actually, littered with chafes and burns from the ropes to the masts, sea salted splits across his hands whenever he got too heavy handed around the deck or in other ports.

"Let's go up, then."

You led the way, all the way to the stairs where Tolya enjoyed watching you ascend before following. It'd been a minute, he'd take whatever he could to feel like everything was good again. Once he stepped up out of the dappled light of the forecastle, he cringed in the brightness of the sun. It was never very bright in Ketterdam, but anything was brighter than the lamplight below. The harbour was alive with noise and merchants. He never missed the smell of Ketterdam, although he admitted that it was a stench that one really did grow accustomed to, as it were with any foreign harbour.

From the deck, he could see the stretch of sea behind him and back ahead, a small cluster of faces across the way. He knew them all already, each by both name and face, and he stepped towards his sister-in-command with you close in tow. His body shivered when your hands smoothed around his middle to manoeuvre around him and Tolya watched you meet your hip with Inej's. Tolya spared another hungry glance at you and then looked back at Kaz expectantly, as he launched into an explanation on affairs in Ketterdam.

The Volkvolny would stay in Ketterdam just shy of a day, giving Tolya more anxiety than it did comfort. There wouldn't be enough time for him to remind you of how much he missed you, and there was certainly no privacy for him to put it into actions instead of words. But business needed to be swift, that was if they wanted a good chance at catching the ships that both you and Kaz felt could hold the secrets to Inej's brothers' whereabouts. The Crow Club was magnificent, but no place for a love-filled reunion, and he couldn't see either of you feeling particularly romantic in the streets. With the Volkvolny being groomed for their next sail, Tolya resorted to holding you close at all times, with meaningful stares and listening with colourful interest about your life over a table in the club, while Kaz oversaw his business and friends reunited once more. Tolya ate up what he could learn about your life during the three months he was at sea.

You had been working with Kaz to crack down harder on slavery leads, finding nothing much about your own family and little to nothing about anybody else's. Inej had been given a much narrower list of names thanks to your good work on the streets, and Tolya heard from Jesper that you'd been a useful asset to the Crow's, although always declined the hospitality of their affiliation for some reason. Meanwhile Tolya offered what he thought might interest you the most about his time away; battles against rough waves, giant squids and krakens lurching from below, sharks and dolphins scratching the surface of the water with their fins chased by swirling serpents; funny tales from travellers in different ports, a retelling of Mal's first night getting drunk at sea.

Tolya thought, as you mused and laughed opposite him at the table with your friends and found-family, that you were most beautiful when you were off guard. As he stared at you, he felt his heart tug once more. In just a few hours, there'd be nothing left to look at, just shadows in the dark, voices in the wind mimicked by sirens as they fondled the underbelly of the boat, enticing deaf ears to the water as the crew grumbled and sang over their call. The thought of leaving you made him feel sick.

He briefly thought about what Tamar had said. It was true that Tolya had never asked you to join him at sea, but he was pretty sure he knew what the answer would be. There would always be something keeping you here, keeping you both apart.

"How long this time?" you asked, when you both managed to steal some time alone to walk along the dark streets of Ketterdam. With Rollins in prison and with Kaz taking command of a smidge of the barrel, you figured it would be safe out here. Besides, Tolya was tall enough to tower over even Fjerdans, and that was no easy feat. Anyone dumb enough to pick a fight with a man his size could break a few bones trying, even if you both knew that out of the two of you, you had more practice taking down the big guys.

Tolya dipped his head. "If we're lucky, then a month or so." He paused, thinking, "You said that list you gave to Inej was accurate, right?"

"I think so. Every lead I had took me right back to those three names," you replied. Inej had flinched at the sight of them, meaning your hunch was accurate enough to give Tolya the hope of coming back soon.

"If the winds are kind, and the journey is good, we can be back before it starts getting cold here," Tolya said, almost like he was making a wish at a well or a plea to a Saint. "Without any luck on our side, it could be longer..."

You frown, looking over at Tolya and tightening your grasp on his hand. "We'll manage."

"I hope so, milaya," Tolya said, kissing the back of your hand.

Once you both reached a bright streetlight, you turned to face him. "Do you think it will ever end?"

Tolya paused. "What do you mean?"

"As in…this search. Once you find Inej's brother, what comes next?" you ask. You turn away slightly, Tolya's gaze tight on your movements. "Suppose you'll go sailing to wherever next, right? Or…will you stay a while?"

Tolya knew what you were asking, obvious in what you didn't say. There had been countless times where Tolya had imagined himself throwing his life on the Volkvolny away just to be with you, to retire with you to some peaceful town with no worries, nothing at all but peace gifted by Alina tearing down the fold and enough money and shelter to settle down, explore the world, fall deeper in love. But the Volkvolny was his life, his meaning when he didn't fall into his faith. You were his love, his beloved, but neither one could expect the other to give up their identity to be somebody they weren't.

"I'm not sure," Tolya said truthfully. "And yourself? You're so busy with Kaz here, you may well be a Crow by the next time I see you. Your work seems to spring up like fleas."

Your mouth tilted downwards. He was right. Tolya was the love of your life but there would always be the issue of work. Without your demand with the Crows, what were you? Nothing but a shadow skulking around the city, tailing crooks, locating slaves? You supposed you could be more—you'd thought about it a few times, getting up and going with Tolya wherever he asked you to go. But those were dreams, frightening dreams you weren't sure Tolya saw eye to eye with. His voyages felt to you like escapes.

"Well—" Tolya broke through the silence, using his index finger to pick up your head by your chin. When your eyes met, he smiled warmly, kissing you. "Whatever comes next, I'll be there waiting for you."

Tamar stood beside Kaz and Mal as Tolya heaved himself up the ramp and onto the ship. You were close behind, shadowing his steps, cautious about even a step of distance. Tamar sighed loudly, and Kaz looked over at her and followed her gaze.

"What is it?" he asked. Kaz thought he already knew, but it didn't hurt to be sure.

"Oh, a lovers parting," she said dramatically.

Mal smiled, not quite reaching his eyes. "If they're trying to be subtle about things, they're doing a terrible job."

Kaz observed the couple. Kaz knew you well enough to respect you, perhaps even call you a friend, and he had no obvious qualms with Tolya. He'd never forget his loyalty before Alina tore down the fold, and had no concerns about him being a weakness to who might just be his next Crow. He stared at the back of Inej's head for a second too long as she helped someone heave some shipment to a different compartment of the ship, and then he looked back to Tolya and yourself with a funny feeling twist in his stomach.

"Why grovel?" Kaz asked. "Y/N can leave at any time if she wishes."

Tamar glanced over quickly, as if the news was surprising to her. "She's not working?"

"Her work is done," Kaz said plainly. Tamar and Mal's look of confusion made him twitch with slight annoyance, but he otherwise elaborated on what they didn't know: "I told Y/N to find leads on the slavers. She supplied the list of three and now you will be on your way to locate them. Her task has been completed, and she is free to go."

"Yeesh," Tamar said, "way to make her sound expendable."

"Everybody is."

Kaz looked back at Tolya, holding you in his arms. "I have Nina on a lead already. Until I have something for Y/N to do, she is free to do whatever she pleases." He added as an afterthought, "After all, she's not under my employment."

Hm. Tamar and Mal exchanged a look, but said nothing.

"Will you be here? When we come back?" Tolya asked you. From afar, he could sense his sister's lingering gaze, and he spared a look, alarmed when he saw her, Mal and Kaz watching the pair of you.

"Most likely," you said. You followed his gaze and nodded your head in their direction, Tolya leading you by the waist back to the step-down where Kaz stood at the top, like a bouncer guarding the way. Tolya greeted each one with a glance and a smile before looking back at you.

There wasn't enough time this time around. Tolya's heart wrenched as he looked at you, trying to remember every detail before he had to leave. Their stops in Ketterdam were never very long, but how he longed for a day more by your side, simply one more hour in your company. The thought of leaving you made his throat harden, tears springing behind his eyes. A blink would surely set them free, but he knew the ways to keep them hidden until he was safe in the darkness, not until you came to him in a premonition like a sick joke.

Tamar and Mal—Sturmhond, now he was back on the wood of the ship— gave a look to Kaz in farewell and stepped around the back of you to move further on the deck. Tolya's heart quickened and you watched them go with a rapid look, glancing back at Tolya with twinkling eyes, twinkles he knew were tears and not reflections of light.

"None of that," he said quietly, with a small smile and he reached out to cup your face. Tolya guided you close for a kiss, and a bell rang from somewhere in the harbour and his heart leaped to his throat. He tugged you closer, kissing you harder. Kaz looked away, fixated on Inej but giving you at least the luxury of some privacy. Tolya lost himself in your kiss, his fingertips brushing your hairline and he swore he could taste the salt of your tears between his lips. Tolya pulled away from you slightly, his eyes slightly wide and breath raspy and all of a sudden: "Come with me."

There was a beat of silence.

If other crewmates heard, they didn't give much away. Kaz had torn his eyes from Inej in a painful defeat, with no option but to assess the lovers before him, and truth be told, Tamar and Sturmhond never stopped watching. Tolya didn't allow the silence to kill his courage. If he didn't say it now, he never would.

"I love you," Tolya said. "I love you so much—eya fyela chi, hm? And I know that your heart is here, with the city and the Crows and your life but, Saints, Y/N I see you in my dreams, I see you in the water and the sky and hear you in the ocean breeze. When I close my eyes, I see you in flashes. You have bewitched me, you are in my soul. I love you. Whenever we are apart, it's like a torment." He gulped. He sounded a lot like some of the amateur poetry he wrote when he felt lonely, poetry he sometimes recited to his crew if he got drunk enough. "So, please, please come with me. See the ocean, go across the sea. Be with me, stay with me—come with me."

His eyes searched your face for a sign, something—anything. You blinked, bewildered, holding his hands as they cupped your face.

"But…" you began to shake your head, and his heart sank deeper, "but my work…"

You spared a glance to Kaz. He could act like he hadn't been listening, but it wouldn't do anybody any good. You were almost startled to see him already observing you.

"I don't need you," Kaz said simply. "I just owe you a debt."

"But, the slaves—"

"You did your job," he repeated. "So you're free to go."

Tolya was just as surprised as you were. He looked at Kaz with round eyes and met yours in a simultaneous turn. He wasn't quite sure what to say about any of it. Was Kaz telling you to go? Was he giving you permission, saying go, leave, or were you now useless to the Crows? Was it only because he had asked? Maybe you didn't want to leave.

"Am I fired?" you asked dumbly.

For a moment, you could have sworn you saw a flicker of a smirk on Kaz's face. "I expect your contract will need renewing upon your arrival. There are many things to do in Ketterdam, just not now. Not for you, at least."

You blinked. Processing his words felt like an eternity—you were free to go. Kaz had made it clear that you'd still have a life on shore when you arrived, if you even left in the first place. Marvelling at the thought, you looked back at Tolya. Travelling the oceans with him; being in his arms each night, getting to know the parts of him reserved to his crew, his faith and his poetry and his talents on the deck, seeing what caused the scars on his hands, what caused the creases in his skin; what he ate and drank, what he wore on different days, how his hair fell in the mornings when it wasn't fastened out of his face. All of that for the taking, and you just had to say the words.

Tolya's face didn't waver, giving nothing away as you said nothing to him. For a while, he thought he knew what you'd say. Tolya, I'm sorry, but I just can't—

"But where would I sleep?"

He hadn't expected that.

Laughter bubbled in his chest. "I think there's room for you in my hammock, if you'd like." He caught your look of doubt and grinned, "Aw, come on. I'm not that big."

"What would I do?"

Slowly but surely, Tolya thought he could sense hope building inside of him. You hadn't yet declined. Your piqued interest gave food for thought as Tolya studied your expressions.

"Well," he said, thinking about it. Actually he'd already thought about it, more than ten times out at sea, twice within the few hours they were in Ketterdam, "you could do anything you wanted. Gaze out at the seas. Play card games—in no time, you'll be a better player than Tamar. You could paint the decks, climb the masts, sit in the nest all day for all I care. I just want you to be with me, for longer than just a few hours."

Tolya's eyes were almost pleading. You gazed into them. There was no need to think, you already knew what you wanted to say. Chewing the skin of your inner cheek, your eyes flickered to Mal. As Sturmhond, you figured whatever he said went. Tolya followed your gaze and laughed when he spotted the source of your interest.

Mal's eyes flickered, like he'd been alerted back to the present. He looked around innocently, refraining from smiling when he caught the glimmer in Tamar's eyes next to him.

"Don't look at me," Mal said to you, shrugging his shoulders and raising his hands, "I'm not in charge."

When you next looked at Tolya, you were smiling. From the corner of your eye, Tamar clapped Mal on the shoulder and disappeared into the crew, helping Nadia unload cargo to a different spot below deck. For a second, Mal looked as though he didn't know what to do with himself, until he shuffled further towards the bow, scanning the horizon. Kaz was no longer on the ship when you turned to acknowledge him. You saw the shape of his coat disappear back into the masses in the harbour, and Jesper extended his hat in a farewell and turned to follow. Nina would understand, you hoped, as you were sure she'd still be occupied with freeing her 'hunk of meat'.

"What do you say, lapushka?" Tolya asked. He knew he was cheating by using the Ravkan tongue on you. You'd mentioned it was your mother language only once in passing, and he'd never wasted a second on charming you with it. He ran his hands up and down your arms, arching to look into your eyes with a wide smile on his face. Tolya grinned as he moved with your shyness, a laugh huffing through his lips. "Hm? Will you come with me?"

You laughed, giggled in his arms, as he brought you closer with a kiss under your eye. Squirming, you faked revolt, wrestling out of his grasp. Your smile told him your answer—the rest was roleplay.

"I know we're going far from home," he said, watching as someone stepped close to pull up the ramp from the harbour. The distinct clink of the anchor filled his ears, departure would be soon and if you wanted to say no, then now was the time. You never did. "But I promise I'll take care of you."

You gazed at him fondly, reaching up to steal a kiss from his lips. He lingered, his face warm in the rising sun. "You can focus on your business, and I'll keep you safe from harm."

Tolya gasped teasingly. "You know the way to a man's heart, I see."

He pulled himself away, with some reluctance, with a grin and shuffled to aid his mates with assembling the ship. Before he could stray too far, you hooked your finger around the strap over his shoulders, used to hold his ensemble of guns and weapons. Tolya looked back as he felt the pull, the adoration in his gaze never faltering.

"Only the hearts of men I love," you told him, and he smiled, bigger and brighter, tilting his head as his eyes folded into Cheshire smiles before he winked, dipping his head back to look at his crew.

You watched him retreat along the deck, his assertion cool and respectful, commanding the attention of the crew as they fell into their formations. Figuring you had time to find your place, you stood rooted where you had been standing this time, casting one final look at the harbour; you bid silent farewell to the streetlights and carts, to the horses snuffling as they loaded merchandise and travellers into the carriages pulled by their strength, to the place you lovingly called home, until a new one found its way to you in the shape of a man named Tolya, who wherever you were together became your new anchor, the new place you fell to for comfort and safety. The man you loved, yours for the taking, for a life stretching past the horizon across that plane of endless sea.

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layla4567 · 7 months

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Spoilers Loki s2 e5

I have a lot to say!!! (this will be long)

Ok first of all this scene made me laugh a lot because of how randomly they presented the original timeline of Mobius, he looks like a child playing (oh and him being a single dad it makes a lot of sense to me)

expectation:

reality:

Oh my f*cking god If I liked O.B before, now I love him with all my soul! He is not only a nerdy genius but a science fiction geek whose passion is to be a writer!!! And why didn't they let him keep his books in the bookstore?! I would gladly buy them!! Just look at his face, he needs a hug :(

AND WHY THE FUCK DID THEY NOT HELP HIM WHEN THE BOOKS DROPPED ON HIM?! IT COSTS NOTHING TO BE KIND DAMN IT

Ok, I think we've all realized that O.B's workshop is the same as the basement where he works at the TVA, maybe he was the one who created the TVA after all? btw how beautiful the photography is in this entire series.

I admit it, I laughed my ass off at this scene, I apologize (make it a meme pls lol) Honestly, this whole scene and the interactions that O.B had with Loki made me laugh (when Loki tries to control his timeslipping or when O.B electrocutes him as scientific proof)

This scene where Loki adjusts his hair and his jacket to see Mobius 👀 (he only does it with him) I wonder what the Sylki fans have to say

Remember how I said I hated Hunter X5/Brad Wolfe? Well I was wrong, there is one person I hate more, her. Girl, they're literally telling you that everything is going to shit and you don't give a damn? On top of that, when they tell you that you are selfish, do you take it naturally as if it were something to be proud of? Why are you like this? The worst thing of all is that when Loki says he wants his friends back she calls him selfish, not sweetheart, that's not being selfish. Being selfish is turning a blind eye to a problem that you mainly caused. Loki's fear of being alone is understandable and justified since he felt that way all his life and has done all the things he did for that same reason, which It's being really selfish, it's the opposite, wanting to be alone and forget your friends and not care that their timelines are falling apart. Sylvie you are a hypocrite (sorry I had to vent)

AAAAAAAAAA I'M GOING TO CRY GOD. I said it and I will always say it Loki needs a hug 😭 This scene is super moving because it shows us Loki's true purpose, he just wants his friends back, who are also people he hasn't known for a long time but who were attentive to him (btw Tom Hiddleston always shines in all his scenes )

This scene...holy shit this scene was scary. I think it's even more terrifying than Thanos' snap.

It's overwhelming how everything around her disappears in seconds leaving her in literal emptiness. There is absolutely nothing left, only threads floating in an enveloping blackness. When I saw that scene I felt empty and desolate.

OH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN...

NOOOOOOO MOBIUS NOT YOU (He just wanted to save his children 😭)

Loki's face when he sees his friend disappear D: (I'm having deja vu from the first season when Mobius was pruned)

Sylvie too?! Why does she disappear and Loki doesn't? (By the way, you just arrived Sylvie when you realize that everything is disappearing? really?)

Ok this is a nightmare for Loki, he was left alone and couldn't do anything to avoid all that, I think it's the most hopeless scene of the episode :( (And the way he tries to grab those threads…I'm broken)

OK HEAR ME OUT BECAUSE I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS SCENE. I think the background voices help a lot with the feeling of anguish and helplessness that Loki feels, for not being able to save what he loved most, his friends. And when you feel overwhelmed by all those voices and at the end one stands out and it's Sylvie's voice saying something like what makes a Loki a Loki is the fact that we are destined to lose? That's when he screams in despair and goes back in time just a few seconds earlier and manages to control his timeslipping. And I must say that at first when I saw this scene it reminded me a lot of the scene from the movie "Ella Enchanted" when she is forced to kill the prince and she is surrounded by mirrors and begins to remember moments of her life such as when her mother told him to trust her or something like that (I don't remember the scene much, I saw it years ago lol) the point is that she refuses with all her heart to obey that order and in a moment of desperation she screams just like Loki and she says that she will no longer be obedient and drops the dagger, freeing herself from the spell. I don't know if you understand my point because I'm bad at explaining, but I think that the love he feels for his friends was what made him go back in time, that strong desire to want to make things right and that determination to say "this isn't true." It can end like this, I decide what is going to happen" (free will) I think that is what makes him finally able to control the situation, love is the most powerful force. Something similar happens in the movie "Tomorrowland" I think.

This scene is really powerful, the background music, the phrases that Loki says, the context of the scene, it is cinema. I think you don't need an action scene or scenes for a scene to be epic and move you. This is epic with so little, it is simple but effective. And the music is really the icing on the cake, it is so hopeful and gives strength to the moment when Loki returns to the TVA being able to fulfill his mission, I cried. Loki has evolved into a hero who saves the day and everyone.

And that ending??! Oh no the cliffhanger again..

Phew I know this was very long but I really needed this kind of catharsis, never has a Loki episode left me with so many emotions and beautiful things like this one. I laughed, I got excited, I cried and I was scared. I am very happy with the evolution of Loki and each episode that passes wins my heart more, I can't wait to see the next chapter. Everything is perfect in this series, the music, the settings, the actors, etc. It shows that it is made with the heart

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murfpersonalblog · 12 days

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IWTV S2 Ep1 Musings - Revenants Pt2

This is the 2nd half of my Revenants Musings. It's unrelated to Pt1, tbh, except that I'm still talking about revenants. But now I'm switching gears to talk about Louis' POV & attitude towards them.

In Europe, he & Claudia are looking for 2 things: ARTICULATE vampires who can explain more about vampires than Lestat; and LOVING vampires with whom they can create a new home.

Mindless Revenants, and Looking for "Good"/God

We get these huge themes in S2 AND S1, that at surface level seem to be making value/character judgements about American vs (Eastern) European vampires, and society at large.

However, it's long been established that the good/bad dichotomy is highly subjective in TVC, and doesn't really apply or work. Not only are we talking about serial killing vampires; but we're also talking about the world at large. AR's TVC has a VERY dark & bleak outlook on the world--no one particular country or culture or religion, but ALL of them. This is summed up by Akasha, desperately wanting to put an end to war & violence (in the most fatalistic way possible).

Lestat's Vampire Court holds that what makes eternal life worth enduring is aesthetics, beauty, art; specifically: Lestat's concept of The Savage Garden, in contrast with the self-loathing of Alessandra's Devil's Road (which they've given to Daciana on the show).

It's categorically white privileged post-Renaissance/Enlightenment colonialist imperialist artistic nonsense, but AR's vampires are bougie AF classist elitist aesthetes who used to be Old World dynasts and Merovingian queens and French marquises and Roman patricians and American slaveowners, and other exploitative aristocrats. So we're scraping the bottom of the barrel, really--none of these are ethically/morally "good" or "bad" peoples, vampires, or countries.

AMC!Louis has a VERY interesting scene when he & Claudia argue.

YES, actually. XD Projecting much! That's one of the FIRST things Louis can't wait to ask Armand in the book/movie!

Louis is Catholic. Like--HELLA Catholic. But Louis' such a coward that he'd rather deny the obvious: convince himself that God doesn't exist; there's wild baboons out there in effing EUROPE; he's an apex predator who only eats helpless baby foxes and guys he has to PAY to feed on; "love? what love?!;" Lestat WHOMST?; Claudia didn't think Paris sucked at all~!; I'm not super depressed & missing my husband, the blood is just "bad" here; I need to find "good" vamps just like me!

Louis does NOT think he OR vampires are good--AT ALL. Like Armand in TVA/Memnoch, Lou's looking for proof that God exists, and for confirmation that they really are damned; forsaken by God.

But Armand couldn't tell him anything, cuz the Children of Satan who taught him didn't have any answers, either. But TVL/QotD blows the lid wide open, when Lestat finally spills the beans & exposes ALL the truths Claudia & Lou had badgered him with over 100 years before.

youtube

NOLA had no answers. Eastern Europe had no answers. Paris had no answers. The only vamps who ever gave Louis concrete answers were Lestat in TVL, Maharet in QoTD, and Amel in the PL trilogy. And it's only in the PL trilogy that Louis finally gives up believing in the "Devil's Road," and starts accepting the Savage Garden instead, as Lestat's Blood Spouse at the end of the series LOUIS started.

Mindless Revenants, and The Coven of the Articulate

Although they're both looking for connection, community, companionship, Claudia's Louis' priorities are very different, cuz they've had VERY different experiences with vampirism. Claudia is looking for someone who'll love & respect HER as an adult, despite her being made as a child. Louis is looking for someone to BE in love with, cuz he was made out of love.

For Claudia, she and Daciana are rather similar, cuz they treat the revenant (a grown man) like a child--Claudia sees herself as someone who can be his mentor/mother, teaching him how to eat and hunt and talk; someone she can have KINSHIP with; "the same."

But for Lou, he wants sentient vampires, not mindless revenants.

Claudia read him for FILTH, cuz YES: Louis wanted to be hunted courted. He's a hopeless romantic who likes walks in the park & nights at the opera & bookish conversations by the hearth at home.

At the end of TVC, the most important members of the Vampire Court are the "Coven of the Articulate;" those who'd written the TVC books & shared their stories & explained their place in world history.

And Louis is their founding member, the godfather of their immortal book club, the bookworm who kickstarted TVC with Daniel in IWTV. Unlike a LOT of vampires, Lou never went to ground; he stays awake & keeps a whole archive/library. (He's SO similar with Maharet.) How much he's actually LEARNING? Who knows. But he ENDURES.

Mindless Revenants, and Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places

Lou's starving for (romantic) love. So ofc Louis rejects the revenant on sight. There's nothing romantic/charming about him. Louis feels ZERO kinship with it, despite it very clearly being in fact a vampire--"the same" as him.

YOU'RE dirty, Louis--you literally looked like a nasty AF zombie at the beginning of this episode, wtf? XD

Which makes Lou's whole reaction to DreamStat HILARIOUSLY sad.

Cuz at the end of the day it's not REALLY about what the revenant looks like--though yes, ofc it's hideous & sheltered pretty-boy Lou's SHOCKED that vampires can even look that bad. Cuz unfortunately, AMC never gave us our Swamp King! 😩

AMC is REALLY beating us over the head with just how down horrendous Loustat are for each other. DreamStat's got a whole effing bat clawing its way out of his gashed throat, but Lou's still standing there, tears in his eyes, apologizing, and letting this ghoulish creature neck on him in the middle of a frikkin battlefield reeking of corpses, like...sir. 😨 Jfc, BOTH of y'all're nasty freaks, huh?

Cuz what matters is that it's LESTAT and LOUIS. Covered in gore & filth & at their absolute WORST, these stupid mofos STILL love each other. LBH, if Swamp King revenant-looking DreamStat had popped up instead, Lou would've STILL dropped trou and started singing voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir~! 😍

Only difference is that there's no reason for AMC's version to look like that, since Les got off easy in Ep7. So instead we get the beauty filter, as Lestat gets less & less bloody/gory every time we see him, until he shows up at the Trial for realsies.

So when Claudia & Louis make these sweeping statements about "bad" vs "good," this MUST be treated with a grain of salt, considering the layers of context in AR's TVC universe & how vampires operate, and perceive the world. Louis' not REALLY looking for anything in Europe--he's just running far away from what (who) he wants most.

#louis de pointe du lac #loustat #smdh #iwtv tvc metas

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iamtheoneandonlyever · 9 months

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Does anyone else feel like the quality of fimling went down in s3 and s4? Now, dont get me wrong, i love the cinematography, clues and easter eggs and whatnot and think the crew did an amazing job, but it lacked the vibes of s1 and s2 which really got me into the show.

Maybe its the way everything is made brighter and nore vibrant to show the seasonal change for summer and spring while keeping it duller and darker for winter and fall.

But i feel like smth was missing to give it that dark themed vibes which the show gives off bc of its plot

Idk, could be just me but the first 2 seasons always seemed fuzzy and cozy despite the horrors (good sense), and the next 2 felt more sharp and vibrantly saturated despite the horrors (bad sense) and if it is really due to the seasons, i hope they follow the cycle they have going and s5 would have the fall /winter theme bc i really need the s1 and s2 fuzziness of it back

If this makes no sense to you, pls feel free to ignore. It barely makes sense to ME

#byler #<- target audience #bc i trust yall to get it #stranger things #st s5 #speculation

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lunabug2004 · 4 months

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Intro Post Time! Whoop!

My name is Jayden, nickname Jay, I’m 19yo, pronouns are she/her, and I’m a huge fan of Stranger Things, along with kpop and BL series! Other fun facts: I've hand-raised kittens before, I'm a huge hyperfixator, I'm kinda a singer (choir), I’m from the (mid)south so I say “y’all” way too much (as seen in my posts), my favorite music genres are alt-rock/pop and kpop, and I'm studying to be a math teacher! :)

I made this blog because I was sick and tired of Mike Wheeler hate and I wanted people to talk to about him and Stranger Things and Finn Wolfhard. I will reblog/post about other things, including Finn's other shows or kpop or BLs, every now and then, tho! Also, my asks are open, so pls ask away about any of these things (or whatever you want, I’m not picky)!

I have specific tags for each of these things mentioned: #Jay's talking ST <3 for ST related posts / #Jay's talking kpop :D for kpop related posts / #Jay's talking BL ;) for BL related posts! Then the tag #Jay's saying stuff :) is the one I use on all my original posts so I can search them up easier!

Mostly I just gush about Mike and how he's my child and done nothing wrong ever (/hj) but sometimes I get a little more in-depth so I figured I'd list those posts:

My amateur Mike Wheeler character analyses (only s1e1 done rn)

My Mike Wheeler playlist

"If Byler isn't endgame, Mike is awful" defense

ST Season 2

Why Henclair’s teasing of Mike about El in s1 makes me uncomfy

Mike in s2 (not an analysis, just a comment made while rewatching)

Mike’s trauma in s2 (analysis)

Mike in s4: 1 2 3 (also not analyses, just comments made while rewatching)

Mike & Will's trauma responses being opposite

Why I'm a multishipper (who prefers Byler)

My expectations for ST5

ST5 production/leaks/rumors opinions: 1 (ElMike BTS), 2 (Mike dying/getting lost rumors)

Rant about ST reactors (and their lack of Mike/Finn love)

Mike is lonely thread

Mike Needs A Hug but he’d rather give it to another

Mike deserves good relationships w/ Hop & Jon

Why the Troy and Angela Situations Should Not Be Compared (+ Why Mike's Reaction Is Valid)

#intro post #Jay's saying stuff :)

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young-royals-confessions · 5 months

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hi! me again lmao

"anon-- do u think simon is ur favourite bcos u relate to him the least and its almost a form of escapism?"

hmm thats rlly rlly hard. omar rudberg is stunning but im not gonna go there, i like simon for so many reasons that arent just the way he looks.

i still relate to simon, i think. just not in obvious ways. im also a poc- simon is comfortable in his latinamerican heritage bcos he speaks spanish at home and its emphasised by sara not speaking spanish. simon also has more of a 'not giving a fuck attitude' imo with people at hillerska and i dont rlly see him trying to fit in? (unless someone has evidence then pls do say).

i think i admire that a lot. im very iffy with my culture bcos of the environment ive grown up. ive grown to become quite shameless and i give less of a fuck now, but i used to be a rlly big people-pleaser lmao.

i know him and the drug situation is kinda iffy in the fandom (thats what it seems like) but i completely understand why he asks his dad for booze (i cant remember if people disliked the fact that he went to micke or that he made august deal drugs to get money, but im talking abt the micke situation here). im an elder sibling and i thought simon was also an elder sibling until sara's birthday in s2, and i was flabbergasted. so this IS something i can relate to.

i also love that he didnt want to be a a secret and told wille that. admittedly, in that situation, i can relate to wille so much more (im also the anon who was internally homophobic a long while ago and didnt watch YR for that reason, if anyone remembers me from a couple of months ago heh), and i think cos i can relate to willle more, it makes me respect simon so much for what he does? idk if that makes sense, but i love the self-worth he shows there, that he denies this growing love to put himself first.

simon has traits that i dont have (or im working on) and that makes me admire him.

also he's so talented and the way that the other boys are mean to him makes me want to cuddle him.

sorry, this turned out rather long. i could come up with more reasons (so maybe i'll return) but i need sleep.

#simon eriksson

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poly-lights · 5 months

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PART 2 TO MY II PREDICTIONS/WISHES/QUESTIONS (technically) SINCE YALL ACTUALLY KINDA LIKED THOSE?? and i have more!

please note btw that most, if not all, of this is not gonna happen bc they can't pack EVERYTHING into a 30 minute or so episode and not gonna lie some of these are my fixation talking and me being delusional. it's good to theorize though!!

lots of bias. let's get into it

i told my gf this BUT it'd be cool if there was a scene of trees changing, to represent seasons passing because it has to have been a year at most right

more lightbulb using her electrokinesis scenes plspls?????? like. she can just casually DO THAT....maybe have her use it for evil/J IM KIDDING. don't have her kill anyone

............................yet

another knife and suitcase scene, elaborating on the "making your presence known", how suitcase took it a different way, just a conversation if that makes sense

yknow. what was that roboarm in the gemory cave. and is it Still working after lightbulb powered it on.

unrelated but still.more so a question have we or will we ever get the full roommate list drop?? unless they're gonna wait for when s2 is done to not spoil anything

baseball and lightbulb friendship scene :] team captain style!

i think it's gonna release on OR near the anniversary, if the iii finale is so soon early into 2024 it gives slight time

can we get parent lore drop??? like hello?????? they cant just said what they said in iii ep 14 and never expand on it, so i have a heavy feeling its gonna get mentioned in s2 if not ep 15 specifically

im just hoping for lb centric, even if her lore doesn't match up well with the slams. pls im so autism abt her at this point its anything BUT funny

now here's some iii 18 predictions!! for fun :] and also me just rambling abt it (spoilers for iii 17!!!!)

those who left to the hotel come back for jury voting!! more importantly fan and pb please💥

bot and springy and gonna be near each other again next episode. springy may still try to pull some shit with bot, and, assuming so, if TEST TUBE IS BY BOT'S SIDE......

springy made that suitcase bot, so clearly he knows about season 2

we may just get ii 14 tt again. which i am HOPING for. idk i love seeing test tube ENRAGED for the people she cares about she's so fun and unique bc MAN that girl is angry. she's holding grudges against Two People

also. fan meeting bot? he is going to have such a big and hopefully impactful reaction!! pls he has his patterns and the sudden changes make him uncomfortable they need to mention this

if he knows about season 2......could he make, or has he made, toys of the other final four? again im just gripping at straws for an iis2 final four appearance

think abt it though. it's the iii finale. you think they won't do something big? considering mephone knows he has to go back? springy could easily torment him w that considering the whole "facing your past" theming

also walkie talkie is Totally associated with meeple. ik we've all figured that out but i just had to say something. very heavily focused on using electronics to better the future? implying robots taking over others positions?

also??? past contestants coming back SEEING the toys?? maybe. Maybe.

the entire episode could also just be a discussion and play on the ethics of ai and how it's affecting the writing industry by putting people out of jobs due to its advancement and im reading way too much into it but hey im putting my hard hat on and channeling my inner matpat for this stupid show about objects with limbs (/pos btw)

also. are they gonna leave floor behind??? or will they scoop him into a terrarium, then plant him into inanimate island?

can he teleport that far?? how far is paradise?????????? ae drop the map pls/silly

ALSO ALSO. WHAT ARE THE INANI-MATES?? IS N/A THE LAST OF THEIR KIND??????? i doubt it but STILL everyone else in that group died

hey. why is the background of the recap song the background used when the gemories formed the silhouette of cobs. hey now.

#inanimate insanity #ii #oaugwhs. i hate this show /affectionate

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noahtally-famous · 1 year

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do you have any total drama (2023) season 2 predictions?

thanks for the ask, anon!

these are all based on the four episodes I've watched and the stuff I've seen circulating tumblr abt the season!

imma split this up to make things easier for everyone-

hopes:

goddammit I need more axel and nichelle screentime pls and tyvm--tumblr has got me shipping them and I can't get out of that hole

but seriously, I hope now that they learned from the mistakes they'd made this season, next season they get far--preferably post-merge

popular take but: CAN CHEMMA FUCKING BREAK UP IN S2?? like emma realizing all this isn't worth it and splitting it off with chase (or, for whatever reason, the other way around--only bc I've seen posts speculating on that happening lmao, or they mutually split it, or what-fucking-ever. I literally do not care how they split or who's the initiator, I just want them split!)

I need more of MK!! I heard she gets booted pretty early :( but I'm hoping in s2, she's back and better than ever!

this is smth I haven't seen a lot when it comes to asks like this, but some solid ripper characterization would be neat--without the fart jokes, might I add. like I saw this post talking abt ripper realizing that his "manly disposition" isn't getting him anywhere and he gets close to certain ppl in the show and have to move past his previous beliefs and embrace his inner soft side that he's repressed.

no but seriously, I don't rlly like ripper all that much rn, so this happening in s2 would be rlly cool to his character!

bisexual emma pls??? and possibly bisexual chase??? idk if fresh will make that happen but a girl can hope, ig lmao

bowie and emma repairing their friendship-

idk I like the idea of a bowie and caleb rivalry bc bowie got caleb voted off, so maybe caleb feels some resentment for that and wants to get even in s2?? and ofc since it's bowie, he's not gonna take that lying down-

need more millie & priya friendship fr

I’ve heard that damien and priya have cute interactions so I hope they get more time to grow??? not strictly as a ship btw but I wouldn’t be opposed to that (my multishipping ass trying to find middle ground here lmao)

I need more damien and scary girl interactions, those two were hilarious

predictions:

I know most of these are my hopes rather than predictions, but what I will say is that there will def be more raj and bowie moments. like that's a no-brainer, Fresh would be pretty dumb not to have that happen

this is more of a combo of a hope and a prediction, but more multi-dimensional characterizations of scary girl, caleb, nichelle, damien, and axel?? none of them got enough screentime to add more to their characters so I'm betting s2 will focus on them...hopefully

chemma breakup--there's no way that ship can be fixed lmao, they're better off not together and--if fresh rlly wants it--with other ppl

bowie's prob gonna make it post-merge but not to the final two again. idk abt priya but I'm hoping it's the same for her too bc I love both of them sm-

I've seen discussions of a potential 'wayne and raj separate teams' arc, and while that would be crushing, I feel like that could happen?? it'd certainly bring forth some sort of tension/drama

these are all that I can think of. maybe once I finish watching the season, I can give a more lengthy list!

#answered #anonymous #kit speaks #noahtally famous #kit stuff #total drama spoilers #total drama 2023 #total drama revival season #total drama

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siennaditbot · 5 months

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My thoughts about Sonic Prime!!

Ok so

Too much action. Stuff is happening but not enough to hold my attention, especially in s2. S1 had a bit of a similar problem but less. S3 was still a lot of action, but the stakes were high enough for me to actually stay interested. I did go "this is enough now thank you show me something else pls" but there was enough for me to leave with a positive state of mind.

Main thing?

So glad to see villain Tails. So so glad. Dude's so mad and I love him. Also eugh siblings, good job Sonic for not giving up on him. He deserved the hug.

Second main thing?

KNUCKLESES! KNUCKLI?

Whatever lol RENEGADE KNUX ABSOLUTE MVP

He was cool before but he left very much of an impression here with his stupid coolness and HIS DANG VOICE WITH THE ACCENT EUGHHHHH

Dread too. If you know you know. Augh. He.

Also PEAK SHADOW? DUDE HAS FEELINGS? HE CARES ABOUT OTHERS?

Too bad they killed him for several episodes.

But at least he was cool and did meaningful things so he's not just a cash grab.

Idk how to say it in a more normal way but def fell in love with him again.

Also also I love watching epic final battle and suddenly hearing Jacksepticeye there. Good day me lad, nice to see ya here!

Love the roses! So very sister, almost made me cry, wanna join them

Loved the smol gag about suddenly British Big/Catfish lol

Also I was so taken aback by the Mangy and Sails thing, I didn't believe they would actually kill them off but it was somewhat believable. Silly puppies with brr going brains!

Could have had one or a few more episodes and a more in depth ending (what happens to Nine? Everyone else probably goes to do their thing but whst about him? Can they keep travelling around and visiting each other?) but eh

Main takeaways:

Epic Knux. Amazing Shadow (except when he was dead. But he liked it so I'll let it slide lol). Too much action, but it was more interesting this time.

Also accents = death. I need more of whatever renegade Knux was doing. E U G H.

Ok I'm done bye

#sonic prime #sonic prime spoilers #sonic prime s3 #sth #SDB rambles #why do these guys make me feel sl many feelings #why does a red whatever he is make me swoon #truly a lost cause

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homonculos · 7 months

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ok i know i am far, far too late for this but my bf and i started watching game of thrones bc ive never seen it, never engaged with it in any way, never had any interest, vehemently refused to find out more but decided to give it a try bc we live and grow we are people. heres what i think so far:

-for a show thats supposed to be "twisty" its pretty predictable. dialogue is lame for the most

-peter dinklage is so sexy and genius and excellent actor. why did no one mention this. unrelated but i know a guy who is a smidge autistic who i now learned, by watching this show, has based his whole personality on tyrion lannister. except without the sex appeal

-jon snow is not my type but the way he is so babygirl coded.... feminism is in shambles rn but i do find it pretty funny that 2012's portrait of masculinity would be handily walloped by today's youth and trapped at a little tea party forever. probably wearing a binder

-cersei lannister doesnt rly need anything but i just think her natural habitat is like a really $$ suburban outlet mall where they have like an apple store and shit. and she should be there in her yoga pants and headband just came from peloton class, yelling at some barista for using reg sugar instead of sugar free in her latte

-brienne deserves more screentime (im on s2)

-daneyrys had me at first, but now shes kinda losing me. she's got no subjects and no land just dragons. and shes like I NEED A SHIP girl just quit on westeros. go somewhere else fuck it

-thats it i guess. theon lame, arya mid, sansa fine (idk why ppl hated her so much she's literally 13), joffrey shitty but we have the same haircut so solidarity i guess.

thanks for reading pls share ur thoughts if u have any

#got

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nostalgia-tblr · 7 months

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Ok, I love reading your asks and your replied to them (never thought of Sylki Darkfic before but you are so right, selflessly possessive Loki being low-key creepy would be fitting). So I want to hear your two cents about this:

Sylvie has no reason to learn how to trust or suddenly be able to trust in S2. As you said, Loki doesn't give her a reason to trust him, it's almost like he just nags her till she gives up. The TVA are still pruning the Timelines (Dox) and they are still indifferent to the Timelines being pruned (Mobius). Sylvie could have seen the chance of the TVA agents redeeming if she had any interactions with B-15, but she doesn't. After trying to hope for the best, they failed at accomplishing whatever they dragged her from her life on the Timeline for.

So, does Sylvie get any development at all, or is she there to be the hysterical anti-cop mouthpiece as the other anon said?

okay first of all my disclaimer on this one is that while i have indeed come to appreciate the male sylvie loki as a character i did first get dragged in by sylvie so i tend to take her side on things because she is the superior blorbo.

(i put this behind a read-more thingy cos it got a bit long)

my feels on sylvie this season are that she's been demoted from 'her quest for revenge is the main driver of the plot' to 'isn't it awful that she makes the man upset by understandably-yet- foolishly disagreeing with him?' she's not had a pivotal moment with B-15 because sylvie in s2 is (so far) primarily there to make loki feel sad. she had that lovely end-credits bit of discovering the McDonalds Burgermatic Universe but then we didn't see that after all, we just skipped to her working on a till apparently established in her new life. there's two episodes left so this could all change but the first half has not been that great on the sylvie front :'(

even the fact that (someone correct me if i'm wrong pls as it is very possible) loki shows up at mcdonalds mostly because he saw her in a lift in the previous episode and assumes this means she will know about... her own future? somehow? or possibly because he knows she's one of the main characters and so she needs to be brought into this new plotline. or for emotional reasons but he obviously can't so much as hint at that to her in case they resolve their relationship issues too early. (how can sylvie expect him to tell her the truth about these things? it was only the second episode and that's far too early! what a daft bint she is!)

people get mad at sylvie for not being nice enough to loki but she's got a normal-seeming life now that she appears to enjoy, and him turning up (in a TVA uniform with his cop buddy AND THEIR PRISONER) demanding answers she doesn't have and telling her to just accept that The Cops Are Good Now Actually, Apart From All The Ones Who Aren't so like... why would she go out of her way to be polite and helpful about keeping the TVA running?

i don't think she's intended to seem like a hysterical rebel, but we're not being shown things from her perspective as much as before and we assume (we could be wrong about this but we do assume) that as the main character loki is going to turn out to be right about most of these things and we don't really get a balanced set of arguments, which seems to be partly because we need to hold off on these characters actually discussing anything so that we can ensure that loki stays sad about her until such time as he can be rewarded for his work on the time loom by the lifting of that sadness (or whatever).

there's still two episodes left though, which is enough time to turn this around a bit, perhaps by showing us a bit of sylvie's new life or by having some proper discussions/arguments about whatever the fuck the TVA are supposed to be doing now. so my feelings are currently mixed. could turn out fine, could end up crap. OH THE TENSION D: D: D:

#replies #loki season 2 #i'll tag this with 'loki series critical' but shall remove that tag if it somehow makes people angry at me #i am not even sure if the people making this show realise that the tva are cops so idk what to think really

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27emailsicantsend · 2 years

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Season 3 Episode 6 Thoughts

WOW this episode was as Ricky put it “heart wrenching”

Like I know he’s been feeling it all season but I’ve been so well fed with the content. This episode I genuinely felt what Ricky felt. That was hard

But before we get too into rina I’ll make some other notes first

Ashlyn feeling the fireworks and pw not??? Oh sorry pw you’re bones but that was so sweet for Ashlyn

I have really enjoyed watching her discover herself and her sexuality this season. I remember season one thinking she was not super straight and so it’s cool really seeing her find her full identity this season (something she stated she had a hard time with). Which is an interesting insight to who she is at EH because she always has loads of clubs she’s in and stuff right? It’s like she could never settle on being one thing because maybe she actually didn’t totally know herself but now she does.

I also appreciate the Maddox and Jet storyline. I was team blue but very happy yellow won. It seemed like a really sweet victory for them and it was nice watching Jet try to restore that relationship

I kind of expected that storyline to resolve this episode so it was interesting seeing that Maddox still doesn’t feel totally resolved. I wonder what else will happen

I’m SO excited for Sebby to come back for prom 🥹 I miss him so much and I’m sure Carlos does too ❤️

The scene of Miss Jenn teaching EJ her directing tips 😭😭 pls it was so funny. When she talked about angrily shoving the papers in the binder. I NEED someone to gif Ej doing that so I can use it as a reaction meme lmao

I also LOVED her referring to herself as mommy or that they were her children, her son, etc. anyone else it is kinda weird but idk it works for her?

Although it didn’t work for Miss Jenn last season when Ricky got mad at her 😶 but I didn’t say that

I also wonder what the Miss Jenn and Mike agenda is? This cruise feels kind of out of left field for their relationship? It doesn’t seem like they were together that long for her to just hop on a boat with someone? But also what happened to Mozzarella Stick? Tbh I’m indifferent as of right now to both couples. I would be happy with her with either guy… I’m just confused because S2 left her relationships sooo up in the air so I’m curious to see if that gets more resolved S4

It was SO healing for my childhood to see Corbin perform again. I am actually sad he didn’t do the wildcats cheer too. It was a nice rina moment that came from it but I’m like 🥺

I also appreciate the implications of Corbin reliving his Disney games days. And then mixing dancing and basketball together after Chad made such a big deal about dance and baseball/basketball not mixing. Just loads of nostalgia 🥲

Carlos kept mentioning something about wanting a dressing room?? And they showed miss Jenn giving a little face that seemed like she was up to something with that? I wonder what that was about? What if she made him his own little dressing room before the rehearsal? 😭 she showed ashlyn how important her part is and she might do the same for Carlos 😭😭 oh that’s cute

Also miss Jenn finding the licorice at some random store was a shout out to the “big summer blowout” in frozen. I love 🥰

I made a separate post about this on my page but I think the pw canoe scene was very on the nose to The Little Mermaid? I kind of think it might be a hint at next seasons musical

I’ve been so-so about the jetney agenda but watching him cheer her on and the parallels of them having stuffed animals + some of the looks have been cute I’m ngl

I kinda got annoyed at Val this episode. She was very… pushy? Like pushy with Kourt, pushy with Ashlyn understanding “who she is”… idk something about this episode rubbed me the wrong way with her

Ok now for the best part RINA

MY SWEET BABIES I MISSED YOU (lmao am I miss Jenn coded??)

The HUG AND HAVING ONE EVERY EPISODE 6. So now they have massive parallels for each 5th and 6th episode of the seasons? Tim you better keep this up for future seasons

But really the hug was so sweet and watching Gina go to him first because she was proud of herself 🥲

ALSO the troyella basketball parallels??? Hello?????? That was so cute. I wanted to see him go behind her and help her shoot.

Also I wanted ricky to be the only one who helped her up after she fell but we can’t always win 😭

Isn’t it interesting that EJ ONCE AGAIN points out to Ricky something he can’t figure out as ginas boyfriend? (Why she hasn’t laughed at his jokes but is laughing at Ricky’s) oof the jealousy is strong in this one

But also Ricky made gina laugh 🥹

I LET COLOR WARS SLIP THROUGH MY FINGERS

Also watching Ricky’s crying was HARD. He hasn’t cried that hard for anything else, including his break up with Nini. (I pointed this out in another post). Like this REALLY affected him

AND THEY DID THE RINA CUE WHILE HE CRIED BECAUSE TIM IS EVIL AND LIKES TO WATCH RINAS SUFFER

Ngl I was a teeny bit disappointed with that scene in the cabin. I thought that we would get the flashback or even a little more around why Ricky was so upset but jet made things about him then Ricky had an idea and the scene was over. I just feel like the dialogue got cut really short and there could have been even a couple more sentences to make the scene feel a little more whole. I would have LOVED the flashback here too but we can’t always win

I will say though, I’ve had this theory that the characters that the kids are playing not on stage is Ricky being Kristoff and jet being Sven and this scene amplified that. Remember how annoyed in frozen Kristoff got at Sven when he tried to make Kristoff go back to Anna or keep going through the woods with her? Kristoff got snappy. Me thinks Mr Bowen is portraying that same quality

I loved watching Ricky cheer Gina on in all the events 🥹 you can even hear him in the scene where she is rock climbing. It’s just such supportive boyfriend material unlike SOMEONE 🫥👀

Also did you notice when Ej was telling gina all the reasons he needed the show to go perfect she was the LAST reason? It was like he was explaining all of his anxieties and stress and then it was like “oh yeah and you too so I don’t have to stress over that either”. It was just.. yikes

(I still really would love a Kourtney and Ej scene where they talk to each other about the anxieties they’ve been facing)

I would love to see some sort of parallel where Gina feels or hears the words or something about the fireworks when she’s with Ricky. It’s interesting how miss Jenn pointed that out and we clearly saw them with Ashlyn and we also clearly saw how pw waited and waited for them to show. It was very in your face that they wanted these fireworks to happen so badly and they were never going to come. Instead of showing pw watching the fireworks to show they came we just got Ricky crying to the rina cue. I think having some sort of parallel to the fireworks with rina is going to be our way of knowing rina are finally on the same page. Ricky knows his feelings and whatever feelings gina has swallowed or push to the side have resurfaced and she acknowledges them too. Their love will feel like fireworks 🎆

ALSO (someone on Twitter pointed this out can’t remember who so if you know pls comment so they get credit) the scene where ricky takes Ej to gina parallels the scene heavily where Kristoff takes gina to hans. It’s not what he wants but it’s putting the other person first which shows you love someone. (Which I pointed out was a direct quote from frozen)

And sorry not sorry I’m gonna say it: I don’t think Ricky is just crushing on Gina or just likes her. He even made this a point “on accident” last episode. Ricky is IN LOVE with Gina. His feelings are so much deeper than he or others may be willing to admit

Ok friends I’m sure I have more thoughts but it’s 3am so my brain is VERY tired. I will post more throughout the week because it’s going to be tough waiting to get to episode 7 😅

Please send asks talking to me about theories, questions, etc through the week. I would love them! I have one in my inbox right now I’ll get to tomorrow but I’d love to discuss more with ya’ll :)

Ok have a good night! ❤️ rina endgame

#rina #HSMTMTS #episode thoughts #high school musical the musical the series #Ricky bowen #Gina Porter #miss Jenn #season 3 #hsmtmts spoilers

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confusionism · 1 year

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TAG 9 PEOPLE YOU’D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER

favourite colour(s): usually greens, blues, greys

favourite flavour(s): garlic / onion for savoury; matcha or cookies and cream for sweet

favourite genre(s): i’m a sucker for historical fiction, even if the work is terribly full of anachronisms (sometimes that’s what makes it more fun). mysteries and thrillers are my bread and butter, but just between you and me— i’ll give almost anything a chance. if i were a cat, my curiosity would’ve taken me for good ages ago lol

favourite music: depends on what i’m doing! i’m that person who never takes the aux cord and shuffles the entire library bc the emotional whiplash would be too real. old school r&b one minute, hard rock the next... some orchestral score ten minutes late

favourite movie(s): i almost always say the empire strikes back (1980) as a way of signaling the general star wars nerdery. other go-to answers are jurassic park (1993) and hero (2002)

favourite series: y’know, now that i think about it, i can’t name more than five series that i’ve actually watched from start to finish. picking from that list (it doesn’t seem right to choose otherwise) i’d go with... the santa clarita diet. i wanna rewatch avatar: the last airbender, though

last song: the last thing that played on my run yesterday was... criminal - taemin

last series: i finished the first half of abbot elementary s2 and am waiting for the rest of the episodes to come out because i just know i won’t be able to resist binging them all in one sitting.

last movie: everything everywhere all at once (i shed a single manly tear)

currently reading: the firekeeper’s daughter - angeline boulley

currently watching: how’d you know my tv is on? i’m 10 mins into only murders in the building s2e2. don’t ask me when i’ll finish it, not bc i don’t like it, but bc my attention span isn’t it atm

currently working on: at this very moment, lol, i’m attempting to figure out how to answer the “favourite series” part of this questionnaire. i always get stuck on that sort of thing! outside of that, just getting by day-to-day, man

tagged by: @bourbcnchoices ; thanks for the tag! pls also take this as me liking your original post, which i couldn’t do since this is a side blog... tagging: @erstwhles (i saw that you’ve already done this so i’m actually tagging per your post’s ending blurb); @rcguereveries (bc of scd + “not-benny” + i believe you still need to show me mamma mia 2); @badiiidea (so you know why i’m still awake); @wingsandahalo (i’ve been meaning to get back on here more consistently and think of writing w/ you often); @inexorcble (it’s fun typing your url bc of that c in the middle, so here i am having fun); and in the spirit of oprah, if you just so happen to be reading this mess of a post, ‘you get a tag! you get a tag!’

#a #.thank you again!#.and as per usual no pressure/obligation for anyone i bugged at the end there

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judasisgayriot · 2 years

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I’ve probably fallen for the front Nathan puts up but maybe I’ve fallen for the consequences of his actions while masking? Idk. Maybe it’d help if someone elaborated (aka pls feel free to go off about Nathan but I still may end up disagreeing depending on the results)

Ohhh my god I didn’t mean to write so much but I have so uhh fair warning I have Feelings on the subject:

I have a lot of complicated feelings about Nathan the same way I have a lot of complicated feelings about Heroes, lol. Don't get me wrong, though I may seem like a grumpy fucker, the show holds a v special place in my heart and has for 16 years, it does mean a lot to me but at the same time there are whole chunks of it that I find just bad/stupid/infuriating, and that also colours my perspective on characters too -

I actually think villain!Nathan could have been done well/interestingly, for example, and the building blocks were there - Nathan is someone who is incredibly self-loathing about his power in particular and believes it makes him some kind of freak, and makes comments to similar effect in s1 about how he thinks they should all be locked up etc, so I can see how he could slide into that villain lets-lock-everyone-up thing if done well, but the way it's done in s3 is a mess and comes out of nowhere and makes no fucking sense lol, like he’s misguidedly going along with his dad’s idea of giving people powers, then peter knocks over his Vats of Stuff and for no clear narrative reason Nathan decides to do a 180 and like dob everyone in to the President lol, like it could have been done well as a “tragic self-hating villain who you kind of understand but his path of destruction is still bad” thing, not a “I guess he’s just an Evil-Now Kind of Metaphorical Racist” lol.

so I'm like ehhh *handwave* whatever, I don't even think of it as, like, in character, as opposed to the General Jerkery he displays in say, s1, which I do think is representative of him, or at least the front he puts up -

ALSO, it's not that I think 'Nathan is constantly masking/pretending to be someone he's not (which is true) so therefore he did nothing wrong' - he still hurt people and did morally questionable things lol, that doesn't absolve him. I just think it's easy to see why he is the way he is and it adds a lot to his character. Nathan has layers! Nathan is like an onion! Oh no I'm writing an essay! Lol.

At the same time I'd like to emphasise that despite being a Proud Nathan Apologist, I'm not like "Nathan has never done anything wrong ever in his life!" - he can be a jerk and a shitty person, he's done plenty of Bad Things and fucks up near-constantly, and I actually love him more for it - I love him bc while I find him deeply sad and sympathetic, he's a very complicated, morally grey character (well, I'd argue morally *confused*, lol) with so much compacted self-loathing that he takes it out on other people too, and that's Bad, and yet he's still so, so tragic to me (he's my poor little meow meow OK, I get to woobify him, SOMEONE has to - half the fandom are Sylar apologists which is their god-given Blorbo Right which I will defend, but I don't rly care for him so I'm just like *eyeroll* well *I* don't give a fuck that he's Sad or forgive him that easily lol. So I do 100% see the other side of the coin lmao.)

Anyway all that said (oh my god that was a long preamble sorry), it's easy to see how people miss it if they're not that interested in Nathan as a character tbh bc I think you need the context of like, s2/early s3 Nathan to see the full picture, but basically all of his arc in s1 is about how Nathan is wearing a mask all the time of being this kind of Jerkass Alpha Male I'm a Totally Normal Man that he's been expected to be his whole life

(see the way Angela blatantly manipulates and controls his whole life and simultaneously treats him like he's about 5 years old and a stubborn child to be given orders ("that's my boy") and told off, while also being vaguely creepy and clingy in a "you're the man of the house now" kinda way, see "everything we are is what people expect us to be, if you take that away nothing means anything" and his admission that without Peter he doesn't even really have a sense of self, cf. his COMPLETE spiral into rock bottom in s2 without him, see later in s3 Arthur's "I made you" and Nathan's admission that everything he's ever done in life has been because of his dad - becoming a lawyer, becoming a politician (which I genuinely think Nathan doesn't even LIKE or want to do lol. I'm serious, it’s presented as this key facet of his character but I don't think Nathan is even that Ambitious deep down or particularly, like, wants to be President or whatever - it's all what he keeps being TOLD he should want, which he goes along with), like even who he was set up to marry, apparently. His life is being like, puppeteered from his fuckin birth by his terrifyingly morally bankrupt parents who experimented on him and "wanted to be better than God". Jaysus. Ahem anyway this parenthetical got LONG-)

Anyway his arc is about how actually, that isn't the person he actually is at all. He feels like he has to be this Persona of Alpha Ambitious Arrogant Very Normal Heterosexual High-Flying (loool) Successful Manly Man but actually, the main choice he makes, which changes everything, is that even though this has all been conditioned into him from day 1, he does what he's told like a good little attack dog, he *chooses* Peter/love (and aren't they the same thing? Awww) over all of that, precisely when no-one expects him to. Of course, Claire is no small factor in this (see: how his parents LET HIM THINK HIS CHILD WAS DEAD FOR 14 YEARS, how he does clearly want to see her but then gets too overwhelmed to go through with it and conceal-don't-feel nearly cries in the back of the car on his way back (even tho he rightfully looks bad in Claire's perception at that moment), how Angela literally says that she knows that deep down under his gruff exterior "you're a sap" and if he sees her "sad weepy eyes", "you're gone, you're finished". Like Yeah, precisely lol). It's another tangent but she really is the one who makes him realise there IS a way to break free from everything that's been suddenly heaped on him re: The Plan in s1 (shout out to my babygirl Claire I love you so much Claire mwah).

Anyway there's that, but then you start to see just hoooow Mentally Ill Nathan blatantly, actually is (plus, very clearly ND/autistic to me in a lot of ways, which the masking is a serious part of too). In S2 obviously he's in just a complete black hole of depression, is hallucinating his Burned Self as this kind of conceptualisation of all the things he hates about himself, and literally self-harms because of it (punching the mirror), and then in early s3, when he's literally died and been brought back to life, has a full-on mental breakdown and is just literally so fragile and vulnerable and it makes me so sad - never mind the weird religious mania and delusions, he's terrified bc he's seeing visions of a man he hates and fears (which yeah is just his dad fucking with him deliberately, but like - yeah that’s WORSE) - no one really seems to like, care if he's OK at all, he pleads with Future Peter to tell him what "the right thing to do" is because he literally does not know (see "morally confused" as I said earlier, he straight up doesn't have much of an innate conception of what the "right thing" even is) and gets basically no help, like this man is NOT OK and to top it all off he has a complete mental breakdown LIVE ON TELEVISION and gets handpicked to become a Senator literally because someone witnesses that and decides that he looks like he'd be easy to manipulate and control (like, He Is Not In An OK Place! Let The Man Rest! Get Him Some Therapy, from a Person who Knows About Powers Preferably so He Doesn't Have To Mask Further! I'm So Angry Oh My God!) and like. Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway wrapping back around to the original question I guess (again I… don't know how this got this long. Clearly I Feel Things About This lol) I feel like a lot of people just take that surface-level Nathan, the one who's just a kinda callous jerk sometimes and doesn't really have much to redeem him, at face value and. hate him. and don't like Look Underneath! At the Layers! He's So Tragic and textually there was really no way for him to like, Live and Be OK. Like the only road for him was death and he didn't (despite all the jokes about how many times Nathan dies lol) get a Chance to get past all of that and feel, like, Relatively OK, Ever. Oh god you can fit so much repression inside this man *slaps Nathan's head* and then he kept being repressed despite tentative attempts to like Come Out of The Metaphorical Power Closet (sidenote Nathan is ostensibly meant to be like textually straight but he has literally such a Closeted Gay Man storyline that it's almost textbook 1-to-1 allegory. That's A Long Meta For Another Time though) and then he died :( and maybe he did a few war crimes too but that whole thing was stupid, man, idc

This is like fucking ungodly long now lmao and you DON'T have to read all of this but like. Anyway if you still just don't rly like Nathan or care about him as a character, 's all fine and I'm not gonna convince you otherwise bc everyone has Faves and Unfaves and Whatever, Blehs. I clearly just have a lot of fkn investment in Nathan's Layers, lmao.

#asks #anon #long post //#like. really long. like I just wrote 1700 words about my blorbo long. i have no defence #nathan petrelli #heroes #heroes ramblings #meta #am i an angel or a monster #you don’t have to agree with me of course lol. i kind of love him because he’s bad. but he’s also good actually. it’s complicated.#on fb we’re ‘it’s complicated’. same with me and the show as a whole Lmao #anyway I clearly fuckin care don’t I. now I look way less cool (Jk I was never cool)#I know it’s literally not that deep. i know. i am a fool. lol #the fact that literally no one cares Anni 💀💀💀

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