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nyx-is-missing · 4 months

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Graceland too

Clarisse la rue x fem!reader (Athena's kid)

Sumarry: When a certain daughter of Athena felt unappreciated her whole life, someone was there to see her.

Warnings: Sad girl hours, shitty parenthood, hurt/comfort because im no monster and probably other things wich i forgot.

a/n: look who is back!

Demigod.

Half blood.

Half a goddess.

Half a human (?).

And yet, fully a disappointment.

When Athena sent me to my Dad's house, in a golden crib, dressed in pure white dress, glowing, how the myths would expect a demigod to be, then, and only right then i was a gift.

A piece o divine love, something to prove to him, till the end of his life, that at some point, he was good enough for a Goddess.

But days after, immediately, i was just a crying baby, hungry, with a busy father, without a mother, and that only made him remember that, that was it.

He wasnt good enough for her, she wasnt staying, she never even actually even considered, he would never have that kind of honour, only a crying baby he never expected.

I wasnt a gift anymore, it actually felt like i was a insult, everything about me started to enrage him.

And oh, how did he reminded me of that every single day of my existence.

When i got diagnosed with dyslexia all i've heard whas that Athena gave me up to him because i was defective, when i couldnt sit still during classes, and exploded with all the repression i suffered everyday, suddently i was a clock bomb, when my grades where great, i was never rewarded, it was "the least i could do, to make up for the shame that i was".

I was never loved, never wanted, never encouraged, at least not by him.

The very little love i've known in my life, i own to the people who felt pitty of me.

The teachers, the neighbours who have heard the insults, the stray animals who could sense sadness, the very old grandparents who never actually saw me more than twice a year, and the people who worked at a nerby library, who let me stay past closing time, leaving only with the cleaners.

I was 12 when he had enough and sent me to camp, literally the very day school was over.

I came home to my clothes packed and him waiting by the car keys.

Being in camp for the first time, was also the very first time in my life i have ever felt....normal.

Not good, not bad, not great, not terrible, i was one, and that was enough.

I spend that summer being quiet, i sat in the corner, i didnt spoke, i didnt interrupted, i didnt had any ideas, i wasnt good enough to do that, thats what i've been told my whole life, thats my true.

It took a whole new summer for Athena to claim me.

I have always wondered if she was fighting with herself, if she had any problems having to admit that she made a mistake, with me, or with him.

It didn't matter, for the first time i had brothers and sisters, who wanted me, who understood when i wasnt the best, who asked for my graded tests, to put up in the wall.

They understood when i was hard to crack, when i insisted in being quiet, when i wouldnt share my ideas, they understood it all.

I didn't.

Each and every new summer i spent there, all i could ask myself was:

Why could i not be great like all of them?

Why im still afraid?

Why i was still useless?

Im now sixteen and the same questions still were unanswered.

And today i felt worse than ever.

It was my birthday, and i havent got a single letter from him, nothing, nothing.

It felt like he was saying i wasnt worth anything again.

Earlier, i tried to pretend nothing was happening, smiling with my siblings, finally making plans for capture the flag, finally belonging like i promissed i would try to do that year.

My plan was used, it wasnt perfect, but it was used, and surprising myself and the other team, we won.

I could see the other team confused, and Clarisse cussing us to death.

Still i was so happy, for the first time in my life i showed myself, and i worked....partially.

The happiness of victory didnt last much in me, because i saw a new brother of mine almost bursting to tears, he was young and just got claimed a few days ago, he wasnt used to that, and he wasnt supose to get hurt, but the red that painted his arms said otherwise.

I couldnt stare at him without feeling like i failed again.

Why couldnt i be perfect for once?

I took him to infirmary and held his hand while he was getting his stiches, saying sorry all the time.

I tried thinking it was okay, people get hurt, move on.

I had diner, i took a bath, i tried to sleep, i couldnt.

The tears were falling down and i knew i wouldn't be quiet.

So i got up and walked to the cabin's porch, sitting on the last step and letting my head fall to my knees.

Why couldnt i be great?

Why couldnt i be in peace with myself?

Why couldnt my mom bless me?

Why couldnt my dad love me?

Why did he had to be so mean?

I was a kid for fucks sake.

"Are you okay?" I heard someone saying, that made me freeze, that voice was not from any of my sisters, was i crying so hard i woke up someone from other cabin?

"I- yes, sorry i didn't knew i was crying so hard to wake people from other cabins, im sorry"

"You didn't, i was sneaking out to train some more, and saw you, our cabins face each other"

That was...Clarisse?

I wiped my tears and look up, she was staring at me with a almost worried look

"Clarisse?"

"Yes, why are you crying?"

She sat down by my side, dropping a sword in the grass.

"Its nothing really, im fine, you dont need to bothe-"

"No, cut the crap" she stopped me mid sentence "no one ever weeps in the middle of the night out of happiness, you are not fine and im not letting you lie OR leave until you tell me what it is"

We stare at each other, and ill need to thank the night light being bad because i probably look like crap right now, im sure my eyes are red, my nose too, im probably with a very swollen face and id bet all the dracmas i own that my hair its no better than a nest of birds.

"Go on...tell me"

I layed myself in the stairs, looking at the sky, trying to think of a way to tell everything, without sounding crazy

"I dont deserve to be here, Clarisse."

"Here..where?"

"This cabin, i dont deserve to be called daughter of the goddess of wisdom, i dont deserve being here with them, my siblings they are great, more than good, great, they will do great things with themselfs, amazing writers, architects, brilliant musicians, historians, why am i here? Im not even good, why im with the great?"

"Wait wait wait" she made me sit down again and look at her "not even good? What are you talking about? Wasnt the strategy in the last capture the flag yours? Yall won, and if somebody asks me later i've never said this but that was good, some really good strategy, i was almost thinking of asking chiron to switch you teams, you were great, more than that, and now you're here telling me you are not egen good? Are you on drugs?"

"Clarisse you dont need to pretend you care that much, and my plan wasnt all that, my brother got hurt, that wasnt supose to happen, i failed him, if i was good enough he wouldnt even be there"

She had a very confused look on her face, like she really did not knew what i was talking about.

"You're not talking about the little boy you took to the infirmary and that small cut in his forearm are you? Cause that boy was far from almost dying like you are making it sound like-" she looked at my eyes, i didnt needed a mirror to have sure how i was, i've seen myself like that too much to count, everytime my dad said i wasnt good enough, sad, lifeless.

"I failed again Clarisse, im not good enough to be here, im useless, worthless"

She looked at me and did the last thing i tought she would, Clarisse hugged me.

"Dont say that, c'mon, worthless? I've seen you fight, i've seen your plans, you dont talk much but i've heard your ideas, you are far from being useless or worthless, who the fuck told you that?"

"My f- you heard me?" I looked at her, only to see a look i couldnt distinguish "what do you mean?"

She looked at her own feet, then at her sword, reflecting the moonlight.

"You really dont know?" She looks at me "i- well, i've heard you, the same way i see you everyday, thats how i know you like morning walks, sweet green grapes, baked goods...how i know you are probably the only child of Athena who has never read "the art of war", that you walk without looking at peoples faces....its weird, i've seen you so much throughout this years and it feels like this is the first time you are actually seeing me"

"But i've saw you before-"

"Thats not what i was saying, you looked at me many times, but did you ever saw me until today?"

I looked at her blinking, and after a moment of silent i said "you like dark chocolate, and lemon flavoured soda, and sneaking out to train when the harpies take their breaks, by the way you missed that, and you always ask for double the quantity of food you eat, so when you burn it you still can eat enough, by the way i stole that idea-"

She is smilling, big, really big, i think i am too.

Of course i saw Clarisse, who wouldnt, she was strong, brave, beautiful, to me was a wonder she didnt had people running to get her attention.

She got closer to me "does that mean i can-" i stopped her mid sentence again

"Maybe..."

"Im going to make you forget that "im not good enough" nonsense, belive me"

She is smilling while kissing me, and i am too.

#fanfic #lesbian #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse pjo #pjo series #pjo tv show #clarisse la rue #clarisse x reader

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imwetforyourmom · 2 months

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heading for the door pt2

pt1

summary: what happens after the breakup?

warnings: mentions of cheating, mentions of lack of eating, crying, swearing, fem!reader, ive never been in a club so mb if its poorly described, meantions of drinking and alcohol, help yall idk what else

sorry this took so longg

y/n held her knees to her chest as she sat on her bed. she was only staring at the wall infront of her. the creamish popcorn wall. nothing special about it, nothing special going on.

the only special thing she could think about was matt, even though she knew she shouldn’t. she was only tearing herself down more and more.

the thoughs of matt holding her, mumbling hush words to her with a sweet and caring tone of voice, the memories of them going on picnic dates together and laughing and giggling the entire time came flooding back to her, just as her tears did, overflowing from her eyes.

the realization of her actions and what had happened only sunk in after matt left, and that was almost a week ago.

she’d been in bed all week, no motivation to get up, shower, get dressed, nothing. she couldnt bring herself to move herself to do important things, such as eating, the last she’d eaten was almost two days ago.

but as of right now she couldnt focus on the gurgling and rumbling of her tummy, the way her body ached, the constant pounding in her head, the overwhelming thoughts, no. all she could think about was how she’d never feel matts touch, hear his voice, see his clothes lying around, as much as she hated picking all of it up, now she’d absolutely kill to be able to do it again.

but no. everything, absolutely everything was gone. and there was nothing she could do about it, except wait until something happened, just hope that maybe she’d find the motivation to move her sore and aching body off the bed, take a nice and warm shower, brush her teeth and take care of herself, eat a delicious and big meal.

she hated how she felt, how she couldn’t even look at a bracelet on her dresser, a bracelet her and matt had made to celebrate their two year anniversary. their two years of loving one another, two years of giving as much attention and affection as possible, spending two years of their lives together.

all of that was gone. she couldnt relive any of it, she couldnt bring it back somehow, she couldnt do anything except accept that she ruined everything, she ruined the love they had for eachother, the life they built together.

“am I not good enough for you?” the words rung through y/ns head, being all she could hear. the words she never wished to come out of her matt. the words she absolutely hated since he spoke them. she hated the way they made her feel. she hated how she felt sick to her stomach when the words processed through y/ns head.

knowing that he felt as if he wasnt enough and was basically worthless to y/n absolutely destroyed her. knowing matt was everything, everything. he was everything to her. without him she didnt feel like herself, and now that he was gone and gone for most likely forever she’d always feel this way.

she couldn’t feel complete, a part of her would be missing for forever and she’d never feel comfortable with herself. never feel normal. never feel the same joy she felt when she was with matt.

god, she built her entire life around matt, relying on him for her everything, her happiness, her grounding, her safety and comfort. she was so used to being with him, that everything she saw or heard reminded her of him, and what did that do? nothing. it only made her feel worse.

• • •

“come on y/nnn, you havent left your bed in a weekk, just come out, and you’ll feel better.” the text read, y/n stared for a moment, thinking all the thoughts of what would happen if she went out.

what if she saw matt? it wouldnt matter. they’ve broken up anyways.

what if another man reminds her of him and she breaks down and sobs? highly doubt that would happen, matts one in a million.

what if she gets black out drunk and calls matt? she hopes she does, maybe they’ll get back together.

y/ns thumbs moved across her keyboard quickly, pressing the letters and forming a sentence.

reading it over and over again, y/n made sure this is what she wanted and what she wanted only, not basing it off of anything to do with matt.

“yeah ill come out. pick me up at 9.” she pressed send and clicked her phone off.

she took in a breath, moving her legs to the side of the bed, pushing them to the edge and onto the floor.

the harsh cold wood on y/ns feet(sies) reminding her this was reality and not some stupid dream she’d made up.

• • •

y/n quickly thanked the uber before stepping foot out of the car, immediately being greeted with a very enthusiastic “hiii!!” by ryleigh, her voice high pitched as she wrapped her arms around y/n.

y/ns arms wrapped around ryleighs body, saying a quick “hi” aswell, maybe a small smile at her lips. she still felt disgusted with herself, with what she did to matt. she’d never be able to feel the way she did before she’d done what she did to matt.

hell, she couldnt even utter the words of what she’d done. the words brought her great pain, a nauseous feeling to her stomach and tears to her eyes.

“are you readyy?” ryleigh asked, her voice just as comforting and encouraging as y/n needed it to be.

ryleigh pulled away from the hug, her grin ultimately comforting y/n and reminding her she was in a safe space with ryleigh.

“yess! by the way, love the dress babe, you look beautiful!” y/n answered, her lips curving into a grin, matching ryleighs.

“thankss. lets go inside.” ryleigh pulled y/n by the hand, pulling her inside the club.

as soon as the door opened loud ass music, neon lights and chattering engulfed y/ns senses. the lights really getting to her, they were just.. so much brighter than inside her bedroom.

ryliegh, on the other hand was enjoying it all. the sweaty bodies she and y/n moving against others as they walked to the bar. everything going on was just what ryleigh needed.

“hello ladies, what can I get ya?” the bartender offered a warm smile towards the two. his voice sending shivers down rylieghs spine. it was a husk, and deep voice, ultimately pulling ryliegh in.

“uh- um.. I- ill take a majito.. um.. y/n? what do you want?” ryleighs shaky and flustered voice turned to y/ns direction.

“I dont want anything. thank you though, ryleigh.” y/n answered. as easy as it would be to consume alcohol and drown out all her thoughts with matt, she knew it wasnt right. she shouldnt because she needs to live the reality of what she did, and also, because drinking alcohol like that is not a good idea, whatsoever.

“alrighty, then. thats all.. mister..?” ryleigh trailed off as she turned back around to face the bar tender, leaning her forearms onto the counter.

• • •

y/n left ryleigh and the bartender. they were just flirting and shit. she didnt want to be the third wheel. wheres the fun in that?

y/n was currently enjoying her night, atleast trying too. as much fun as someone who just ruined their relationship could.

she lightly swayed with the music, her hips moving side to side gently with the music.

she lightly hummed the words of the song, suddenly being so consumed by the beautiful sounds of the singers voice and the background music.

then, everything stopped. her body movements came to a halt. the music suddenly going quiet. her breathing stopping and her heart rate quickening, as her eyes laid on matt.

she immediately bit her lip and took in sharp breaths. her arms twisting together as she stared at him, her eyes darting down his face and body.

the way his silky and shiny brunette hair fell perfectly ontop of his head. the way his green shirt looked so, so good on him. the color perfecting his skin.

god, everything she wanted in a person, yet she couldnt have, but once did.

matt stared at the crowd of bodies infront of him, all moving under bright lights. his eyes trained on each and every individual, his eyes scanning the way each body curved and didnt curve, the features of their faces and their clothing. studying each person for no other reason than being bored.

his eyes were currently laid on one girl, his eyes trained on her hips moving, not even bothering to glance up at her face, nothing.

he could only think about how familiar the movements looked, how perfect she moved her hips.. but more importantly how it looked so familiar like he’d seen it plenty times before.

suddenly, her bodys movements stopped. his eyebrows raised in confusion, wandering why the girl had stopped. he moved his eyes from her hips to her face.

he didnt even have to look for another second to know that is his girl- that was his girl. once was, never (at least, what a part of him wants) again.

he quickly took in how she took in sharp and small breaths, her arms twisting together in the same way she always used to, when she was nervous, he quickly recognized.

fuck.

suddenly his eyes began filling with tears as his lungs slowly deflated with no air. he couldnt find it in himself to take in a breath, without atleast letting out a small sob.

as much as it pained him to look at the girl he only wished was still his, he couldnt bring himself to look away.

he missed the way her arms felt around him, the way her words always got to him, comforted, brought happiness, anything he wanted her words always seemed to do it. the way her beautiful eyes stared into his, the beautiful color of her irises bringing such comfort, warmth and nervousness over him at any given moment with no failure.

as much as what she did with koda absolutley kills him, he still loves her, he still hopes she was in his bed with him everymorning, he still wishes she was the one to always hold him as long as he needed it.

all he wanted was her, and he knew he could have her back, but he knew she didnt deserve him.

y/n stood in her spot, her feet planted to the ground as she took in her shaky breaths, so badly wanting to walk over to matt and talk to him, she just wasnt sure if she was ready or if he didnt want to talk to her. why would he? she basically cheated on him.

her eyes couldnt help but to stay on the boy, until he motioned for her to come to him.

she nodded, before looking away then untwisting her arms and flailing them to her sides, shaking her hands for a moment to get the nerves out and to prepare herself.

she brought one foot infront of the other, walking to matt in a quick motion.

“hi.” matt breathed, seeing y/n standing infront of him. seeing the girl he wanted so badly stand infront of him.

“hi.” she spoke, taking in a breath before quickly saying “alright, listen. I am so fucking sorry for what I did matt. I would absolutely do anything for you. I’d- I would do anything matt. words cannot describe how drained ive been without you, I havent felt the same, I don’t- nevermind. this isnt about me, this is about you and what I did.” she took in another breath, collecting herself before starting again.

“alright. what I did was absolutely unacceptable and absolutely disgusting of me. you were my boyfriend and I should not have done what I did with koda. its absolutely sickening and- and, wrong. no man could ever amount to you, you’re everything and all of everything ive ever wanted. koda is- is not the one to blame here. its me. but I need you to understand that I still love you and if I could I would treat you so so much better than what I did before. i am, truly, so sorry matt, and i do hope we could date again- or atleast be friends.” she finished. exhaling a large breath, feeling a huge amount of weight being lifted off her shoulders.

matts eyes stared down in awe at her. all of her words went straight to his heart. he’d completely forgiven her the moment she opened her mouth and admitted what she did was wrong.

his hands slowly came up to her face, his hand cupping her cheek and pulling her face into his, pressing their lips together in a passionate and sweet kiss. nothing sexual behind it.

y/n crumbled into the kiss and closed her eyes, until matt pulled away and pulled her into him. wrapping his arms around her body as he hugged her. he muttered words into her head, “I forgive you, I forgive you.” he repeated, his hand coming to the back of her head as he pulled her into even more of a warm hug.

2308 words

tags:

@luverboychris @chrissturniolosfavoritesexdoll @meg-sturniolo @junnniiieee07 @mels22lunchbox @ssilentzom @haunted-headset @scofposts @jupitersturniolos @mutualsafe @evieolo

#sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #the sturniolo triplets #matthew bernard sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matthew #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x reader #matt x reader #matt sturniolo angst #angsty

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thetobaccotornado · 4 months

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thats mine.

-tom kaulitz

warnings: nothing, just fluff!

synopsis: tom was sat next to his twin brother bill on the stage of a talk show, with the host who was interviewing them, along with his co-host, some busty blonde girl who was getting on his nerves.

“well… no i havent found anyone yet..” bill started, answering the interviewer’s question. “im just focusing on my career at the moment you know?” he said turning to tom with a smile. tom huffed and looked down to his fingers, fiddling subtly.

toms pov:

“so tom..” the co-host spoke. “how about you? weve been seeing photos in the press lately of you and y/n l/n getting pretty handsy, whats the go there?” she said with a smug yet disgusted look on her face. she leaned forward, attempting to push her breasts up to make her cleavage more visible. she pursed her overly glossy lips, tilting her head to the side slightly, flicking her hair over her shoulder. it was obvious what she was doing. and honestly? it was funny that she was trying so hard. she could never compare to my beautiful y/n.

“well actually, weve been dating for a year now, im surprised you havent heard.” i chuckle lowly, looking to bill and back to her, watching her expression drop, rolling her eyes. “well” she huffed sitting back up, “what is your relationship like behind veiw of the paparazzi? not so perfect then no?” she sneered, jealousy clearly written all over her face that was caked with cheap makeup.

i sat up in my chair, my jaw clenching slightly. “actually, things are perfect, she’s been working on her solo career a lot, but shes been touring with us recently, i honestly cant stand being apart from her for more than a day at a time.” i said proudly, looking her dead in the eyes with a knowing smirk, seeing the anger bubble up inside of her. “you should hear them at night on the tour bus, the rest of us barely get any sleep because of how hard the bus shakes” bill laughed, nudging me in the arm and leaning back in his chair. “especially after the vmas, that night was crazy” he spoke, exhaling deeply and looking over to me wiggling his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

the interveiwer fixed his composure. “right! the vmas!” he said, displaying a photo of me and y/n at the vmas behind him, where she had won an award for best junior artist of the year. the live studio audience started clapping, as the interviewer leaned forward. “how did you feel about y/n winning her first award at the vmas?” he spoke with a peppy tune, much more interested than is co-host, who was blatantly just trying to get in my pants.

“im honestly really proud of my girl, shes been working so hard, and all of the hours she put into her passion finally paid off. my highlight of the night was honestly just seeing the smile on her face when she got called up.” i said, beaming as i thought about my beautiful girlfriend.

“and her look! killer isnt it? really accentuates her features, no?” the interviewer beamed with admiration, looking behind him at the screen.

the picture showed y/n, wearing a beautiful red silk dress, hugging her curves perfectly, holding an award, and me standing next to her with a hand wrapped around her waist, pulling her close to me, planting a kiss on her cheek as she smiled widely at the camera. i sat there for a moment, remembering how her smile lit up the stage as she was accepting her award.

“yeah”i said turning to bill with a smile, then back to the interviewer. “absolutely breathtaking” i smiled.

“thats mine. all mine.”

a/n:

just a short lil fluff peice, im honestly sick asf rn, so i havent been writing as much, but expect more to come soon!

MWAH!

xoxo

-T

#tom kaulitz smut #hes so babygirl #bill kaulitz smut #bill kaulitz #gustav schäfer #georg listing #tokio hotel #femcel #girlblogger #i love him #i love tom kaulitz #tom kaulitz x reader #tom kaulitz

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louloulemons-posts · 6 months

Note

can you do a eddie fic where gets cursed by vecna or whatever and eddie is the only one with reader if you already havent? its alright if not though

Heaven

Eddie X Reader

Word Count : 0.6k

Warnings : Not proofread, 4am writing (she’s back 👹) vecna, billy, reader feels guilt, fluffy ending, like minor angst, petnames.

A/N : i’m so sorry this took so long! I’ve had the worst writers block, but hopefully i’m back now with many fics to come. Enjoy!

- Lou 🫶🏻

1K Celebration Found Here

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

It couldn't end like this, you refused to let it end like this. Your head had been pounding for days, your nose running regularly, the inability to sleep had become a regular. It was just like Chrissy.

Vecna had targeted you, taking you back to the horrific things you'd experienced because of the upside down before. The demogorgons, demodogs, the night at the mall you so wished you could forget.

Your vision has gone fuzzy. Where were you?

The mall?

No that wasn't possible.

"Hello?" you called out.

There was no answer, nothing at all.

"Hello?"

"Y/N."

Jumping and turning quickly you saw, well you could only assume it was Vecna. The monster walked towards you.

"Please," you said softly.

"It's time. I can take it all away. How you left Max without a brother, the guilt you feel for him pushing you out of the way. Poor poor Billy," he taunted, his voice deep and vile.

Your skin was full of goosebumps, as you stepped back and hit something. Turning, you saw a familiar face.

"Billy?"

His big blue eyes were glossy, his skin covered in sickly black veins, covered in a thick layer of sweat.

“Billy I-“

“You did this,” he said, voice angry but face so numb of emotion.

“I didn’t mean to, I’m so sorry,” your eyes filled with tears, you didn’t want him to die for you.

“You just wanted Max for yourself, you’d always wanted a sister. So why not take mine right!” he shouted, pushing you back towards Vecna.

“No! No I didn’t mean for any of this to happen!” you cried.

“Liar!” he shoved you down on to the floor, the skinless beast grinned from above you.

“It’s time.”

His long fingers came towards you, grabbing hold of your face. “No!” you screamed kicking your legs to get away.

He was too strong. “No please! Please! Someone help!” you sobbed.

“Nobody can save you now Y/N, nobody but me. You let out a cry, this was how it was going to end. This was it.

You didn’t even get to say goodbye. To your friends. Your family. Eddie. Oh Eddie. Your sweet boy.

“Goodbye Y/N.”

Oh thinkin’ about all our younger years

There was only you and me

We were young and wild and free

What was that?

You began to struggle again, wriggling your wrists against the vines that had appeared around them.

Vecnas eyes had rolled to the back of his head, meaning he didn’t notice when yours came swinging forward, headbutting him away.

The shock knocked him back, giving you time to wiggle out of the vines. Ripping them off you, you were up and sprinting towards an opening.

It looked like Eddies trailer. “Eddie!” You called out, seeing the familiar brown curls.

Baby your all that I want now

When you’re lyin’ here in my arms

I’m finding it hard to believe

We’re in heaven

You ran and ran, feeling the ground shake beneath you and heard a violent scream from the monster behind.

Large rocks began falling in your path and the ground began to crumble beneath your feet.

You had to make it, had to get back to him.

Now are dreams are comin’ true

Through the good times and the bad

Yeah I’ll be standin’ there by you, oh!

A large rock lifted behind you and before you’d even thought about it you were launching yourself over it and through to the trailer. To the boy you loved.

With a loud gasp of breath your body fell into Eddies arms. His huge frame wrapping around you, holding you to his chest.

“Thank god you’re okay,” he spoke into your hair, leaving a kiss there. He pulled back holding your face in his hands.

“I know I spoke badly about Bryan Adams, but he’s now my favourite artist ever.”

“Even more than Metallica?”

He let out a laugh, “Baby he saved your life.”

“No, Edward Munson, you did.” Standing on your tip toes you pressed a gentle kiss to his mouth.

“I love you.”

“I love you too Baby.”

You’re all that I want

You’re all that I need

~ / / / * \ \ \ ~

Thank you so much for reading!

Please leave any requests 🤍

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jaemified · 7 months

Text

I COULD NEVER LIE TO YOU.

“maybe i finally understood why you were the way you were. or maybe you just never tried to understand me.”

☆ pairing ; toxic bf lee chan x fem reader

☆ genre ; hurt, ANGST, no comfort, toxic relationship, y/n vents but she has no one, slightly suggestive content

☆ warnings ; swearing, drinking, implied substance abuse, mentions of cheating and sex, y/ns insecure af (and only cz he made her that way), chans a gaslight and manipulator but also very possessive !!

☆ wordcount ; 0.9k

☆ synopsis ; youve been struggling with a toxic relationship for years now, but you had no one to tell that to, or anyone thatd believe you at least. so while your boyfriend slips out for the night to god knows where, you use this time to write down and express everything youve bottled up all this time.

☆ kona speaks ! - i think its funny how i always start with swearing in cw when its not anywhere near the worst thing in the story LMAOAOAOA anyway sorry i havent uploaded in FOREVER.. college is so hard (+i love my new format! all my drafts from the past 2 months are written like this:))

!disclaimer!, this is a pure work of fiction and is not in any way related to chan and his personality! purely for entertainment purposes only, and for me to express some thoughts :)

READ BELOW THE CUT

OCTOBER 31, 2023

you had left me on my own yet again. its not like i had any true friends left to be with anyway, after you scared them all off, that is.

who knows where you couldve gone.

no, the real you.

my sweet, sweet channie i fell in love with all those years ago.

where could you have gone?

maybe i wasnt good enough, maybe i wasnt pretty enough.

or maybe you werent understanding enough.

i always thought it was me, but maybe it was you all this time.

i like to think back at when we were last happy, god. that mustve been ages ago, just about.

it was.. my 16th birthday?

-my 16th birthday-

it was.. the day we had to put my dog down. my puppy since i was young. i remember it all clearly now.

i was..

-i was..-

we, we were 17.

mmm, my dog was probably my best friend. the realest one in a while.

i remember how you were there for me, even took me to my favorite donut shop to distract me while you tried so hard to make me laugh.

it worked.

i wish you were still you when we were young.

my sweet channie.

where could you have gone?

i could care less about your whereabouts.

i could care less about how you told me i was lying and that you knew i loved you whenever i tried expressing how i felt about us now.

but maybe i just want to be loved again.

maybe i just want to feel something again.

and i know it cant be with you.

i remember the last time you brought me out we were at mingyus halloween party last year.

nobody could find you, so i went to look for you myself.

i noticed your location was still shared with me, and not any of your friends.

so i tracked you to our car.

-our-

i tracked you to your car.

(since nothing that was yours was mine anyway)

and there you were.

fucking some random girl in the backseat.

that was the last day i saw any of my friends.

you never let me out again.

“you cant go, youll just be in my way.” you said before you left for soonyoungs christmas party.

“you cant go, i cant bare to see you hurt again.” you told me before i was about to leave to my own birthday party planned by my friends.

“you cant go, youll just play victim in front of all my friends and cry about how i fucked another girl.” you told me before you left a few hours ago.

i never know with you. but, i know deep down you care.

somewhere.

its always how y/n cant go here, y/n cant do this. or, shes too busy, we have something planned, shes not home.

even in the way you always spoke over me i knew you were just trying to speak for me.

but what about you?

why cant i have a say in anything you do? why do i get everything taken from me? why did you scare off all my friends and even make your friends hate me too?

you always came home high or on something whenever a different girl each time, dropped you off after you came back from a different party.

i never missed the way theyd look at me.

as if you said something about me.

because you know i never forget the look on someones face

it wasnt till later when i found out from wonwoo that everything you did to me, you told those girls thats what i did to you.

i learned to be quiet though.

i learned to sit there and smile, and just take it.

there was nothing i could do though, theres nothing that couldve changed your actions.

i mean, i cant control you.

so why can you control me?

the channie i knew from when we were 20 wouldve consoled me and been there for me.

the channie i knew from when we were 15 wouldve just laughed about how mr seo accidentally buzzed his head in the boys locker room.

the channie i knew from when we first met in grade school wouldnt even have thought about doing half the things you do now.

so where did we go wrong?

i still think about that.

was it, when we hit puberty?

was it, when we moved out?

was it, when we graduated?

our first date?

the day i found out you cheated?

y/n scoffed as she looked at the giant brown teddy bear in the corner of the room that chan had won for her on their first date.

she let out an annoyed sigh, thinking back, looking back at whatever point in time that couldve even reflected a glimpse of this change in him.

it was too subtle, but too sudden, for her to even remember.

she took a sip of her ginger ale before picking up her pen and scribbling some more in her diary that only she had the key to.

who knows what he’d do if he saw all the things she said about him.

you really werent much help.

nevertheless, i still love you.

i really fucking love you.

i know you do too.

i know a part of you inside still cares for me.

i could even cry thinking about it.

yeah, i realize i dont get out much.

but you never hurt me.

physically, at least.

the emotional damage is beyond repair though.

but i know theres still a bit of the you from our youth left.

i see it in the way you look at me.

no matter how mad,

how upset,

how happy,

how sad you were,

whether you were high,

whether you were drunk,

even when we were younger too.

you always looked at me the same.

that softened gaze and warm eyes.

the eyes never change. the eyes dont lie.

i mean, you could deny it (which id only laugh if you tried), but your eyes tell.

maybe thats why im still holding on.

maybe im just waiting for the boy i first fell in love with to randomly come back.

the chances are slim.

but i still hope.

im holding on.

by a thread, at least.

not like you’d let me leave anyway.

i could say how theres still love left within us

probably, somewhere

but when was the last time we were genuinely happy?

what do you get out of this?

because it isnt happiness. it cant be. you wouldnt be here if you were.

we’re both miserable. i see it and feel it.

it’s like, im just here for you.

i can understand the pressure though.

everyone would ask “how did you make it through college?” “how did you make it through high school?”

they dont understand though. you kinda made me

-you kinda made me-

they dont understand though.

i mean,

maybe i finally understood why you were the way you were

or maybe you just never tried to understand me.

i could tell you all of these things.

but i couldnt.

because i could never ‘lie’ to you.

94 notes · View notes

urdadssideho3 · 5 months

Text

CEO!Miguel O'Hara x reader

havent written in quiet a while so sorry if this is shit. Also happy new year!

There are strict rules about workplace romance, which he always abided by, until you came along. The minute you set foot in his office he knew you’d be the perfect fit. He'd taken a quick glance at your resume, pretending to mull over it and get to know you. The entire time he'd been all too aware of the way you sat across from him, your pretty eyes filled with hope as you spoke to him and how plump and soft your lips looked.

Now it’d be the third month you’d be working for Miguel. The little stolen glances and “accidental” brushes of his finger against yours weren't doing it for him anymore. He was continuously growing more impatient and less satisfied with the strictly professional relationship the two of you had. He wanted to take you out to the fanciest of places, spoil you rotten with expensive gifts and treat you better than any other man could, because God knows such a kind and pretty little thing like you deserved it.

The soft click of your heels from outside his office alerted you to him, and he tore his attention away from the stack of papers in front of him and onto you. Miguel's eyes followed the way your hand wrapped around the door as you pushed the glass pane open, and the sway of your hips as you walked towards his desk and the way you stopped in front of him, a manicured hand presenting a cup of coffee to him kindly.

“Thank you,” Miguel muttered his gratitude as he took the cup from you, eyes not leaving yours as he set the cup down on his desk.

“Of course, Mr. O'Hara.” you replied, “Is there anything else I can do for you?” Miguel hummed in consideration of your question, his eyes raking over your body.

“You did something new with your hair,” he commented, seemingly very focused on you. You blushed, bringing a hand to the slicked back locks and smoothing them over.

“I did.” You replied. Anyone who didn’t know you would have missed the way your demeanor shifted, becoming slightly shyer, but Miguel didn’t. He practically spent every waking minute in his office watching you, learning you inside out.

“I like it,” he told you and your blush deepened, your stomach fluttering at the compliment.

“Thank you,” you whispered, ducking your head down.

Miguel stood, now towering over your slim figure as he spoke. “What's the rest of my schedule for today look like?” he asked you. You let out a hum, raising your head to flip through a little book in your hand that held his schedule. It was just around noon, and he’d completed what looked like most of the paperwork for the day.

“You have that business lunch at one with a client, and two meetings back-to-back at three and then four o’clock.” You read aloud. Watching as he rolled up the sleeves of his collared white shirt, leaving you to subtly gawk at his veiny forearms.

"Rescheduled everything,”

Your head shot up, craning to look up at him in shock. “W-what?”

“Reschedule everything.” Miguel repeated, moving around the desk so that there was nothing between the two of you. You nodded, about to rush off to your desk and begin making phone calls, before he spoke up again. “And once you're done with that, we can go get lunch together."

“Lunch?” It was a question, your words laced with uncertainty that you’d heard him right. Miguel nodded, leaning against the front of his desk, one arm braced against the wood plane, supporting his weight and the other reaching out to wrap around your wrist and pull you closer. He settled that hand on your waist, rubbing small circles into your side with his thumb. The small touch made you feel dizzy.

“Yes, lunch. Would you like that?” he asked, his voice softer, a harsh contrast to the stern tone he’d been using with you since you’d started working for him.

“It's against company policy,” you reasoned weakly.

“If you’re worried about losing your job, I won't let that happen sweetheart.” The pet name made your stomach do flips, your cheeks heating up.

“No. No, that’s not what I’m worried about,” you laughed softly to yourself, staring up at him. He wanted to tell you how beautiful you were looking up at him like that, and how it made his heart flutter, and his mind race, but he didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Plus, it was a tad early for him to say all of that.

Instead, he hummed a little “mm,” squeezing the flesh of your waist gently and said, “well then if you would like to, I see no problem going out for lunch together.”

You grin “Lunch sounds great.”

#urdadssideho3 #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o'hara #miguel o’hara fics #miguel o’harax reader #spider man 2099 #spiderman into the spiderverse #miguel spiderman

35 notes · View notes

fairyyeo · 7 months

Text

untitled halloween fic

pairing — hongjoong x fem!reader, wooyoung x fem!reader

genre — fantasy horror idk

tw — horror themes, brief blood/violence

wc — 5k

a/n — heyyyy lol… i havent posted anything for a lifetime so heres a snippet of a draft i’ve had for like two years. the more i read it the more i hate it but i wanted to post something a lil creepy for halloween and remind everyone im still alive!!! if anyone likes this i might finish it and post the full thing but idk happy halloween bffies <3

————

unbearable pain seared through your body and you held your jaw tightly shut, trying not to yell as you jolted upright. you were sat in a dimly lit room with peculiar rounded walls and a mossy grass floor.

"there's someone else!" a voice called from across the room, though you couldn't see to whom the voice belonged as the room was too dark.

the sound of footsteps grew closer, thudding against the floor as they ran towards you. a boy dropped onto his knees by your side, eyes rapidly scanning your body and face.

"the pain goes away soon, i promise." he said, locking eyes with yours, reaffirming his words.

"where are we?" you managed to say with much struggle. you winced, feeling like a thousand hot needles were being threaded through your veins.

a different voice spoke up, "we don't know either... sorry." he said, voice ever so gentle as trying to keep you as calm as possible.

"then..." you began, "who are you?" your hands balled up into fists as you continued to endure the harrowing pain.

"i'm hongjoong," the first boy said, "and this is seonghwa." he motioned to the other boy.

"there's a few others here too, i think their names were mingi and yunho. oh, and a guy called jongho." seonghwa said, pointing over to where you faintly see someone sitting against the wall by himself.

a loud groan of pain echoed throughout the room and hongjoong's head darted around to see where it was coming from. he looked back at you, "remember, the pain ends soon. i've gotta go help whoever just got here." he signalled for seonghwa to come with him, leaving you alone in a nearly pitch black room.

your eyes scanned the room for any kind of door or window, some sort of escape. but to your disappointment, there was nothing. you were able to spot two boys sitting not too far away on the other side of the room. so you mustered up all your strength despite the pain, and began to drag your body across the grassy flooring.

as you got closer, suddenly the pain subsided and your body went limp. you rolled onto your back and drew in slow deep breaths, trying to stabilise your body. as you stared at the ceiling you couldn't help but begin to panic a little. you had no idea where you were, who these people are, what that insufferable pain was or why you were here. quickly, you shook those thoughts from your mind, you were here now and you just had to focus on getting out.

you found the strength in you to stand up slowly and walk over to the boys, sitting down in front of them.

"stuck here too?" one of the boys asked.

you shrugged, "i guess so. what are your names?"

the second boy held his hand out to you, "i'm mingi."

you shook his hand and turned to the other boy. "and i'm yunho." he said, also shaking your hand.

"how long have you guys been here?" you asked, pulling at the grass on the floor.

they looked at each other, as if trying to remember. "about two hours, i'd say. which is way too long in this creepy ass place." mingi said. yunho nodded in agreement.

"those two were here first." yunho motioned towards hongjoong and seonghwa. "they helped us through the initial pain."

"yeah, that hurt like a bitch." mingi pouted, rubbing his arm.

you hummed in thought, "how do people get in here without us seeing anyone put them there?"

"we don't know, they seem to just appear." yunho said, seemingly as confused as you were.

as if on cue, another cry of pain filled the room and you whipped your head to the right to see someone curled up in agony. you hurried over and sat next to him.

"why does it hurt so bad?" he sobbed.

"it's okay, it'll stop soon." you frowned, knowing how painful it was. "here." you extended your hand out to him.

another sobbed escape his mouth, "thank you."

the boy seemed to about your age. "it's gonna be okay. i'm here." you squeezed his hand tightly, trying to reassure him.

more yells could be heard within the room and your heart ached, wanting to help others but promising to stay with the boy until the pain passed. "what's your name?" you asked, trying to distract him.

"wooyoung." he mustered the strength to say.

"pretty name for a pretty boy." you smiled, letting out a chuckle.

he managed a chuckle, "are you trying to flirt with me right now?"

"just trying to distract you a bit." you giggled, squeezing his hand once more.

"i already like you." he commented before hunching over in pain.

you sat with wooyoung until his body relaxed. by that time the other cries and shouts had also fallen silent. you peered around the dark room to the best of your ability. two more boys were sprawled across the floor, heaving deep breaths.

"thanks for staying with me." wooyoung said, sitting upright and stretching his limbs.

"it's okay, everyone went through the exact same pain. i just wanted to help." you pouted, helping him stand up. "lets join the others." you ushered him towards hongjoong and seonghwa.

hongjoong flashed you a warm smile as you approached, "feeling better?"

"i am now, thank you."

"i'm glad." he said sincerely.

slowly everyone began to gather around in a group, introducing themselves and greeting each other. in total, there was nine of you. hongjoong and seonghwa who had arrived first, then mingi and yunho, followed by jongho. then you arrived before yeosang and wooyoung. san was the last one to appear. none of you knew each other, yet, here you were, stuck together.

"how did we get here?" san asked, running a hand through his hair.

"i don't know... i just remember falling asleep in my bed and then waking up in that excruciating pain." jongho explained.

"yeah, me too." wooyoung nodded in agreement.

yunho shook his head, evidently confused. "why are we here?"

"we don't know the answer to that either." seonghwa sighed.

"so we're trapped in this fucking big, dark, grassy room with no way out?" mingi asked, shifting around uneasily.

"seems like it." you frowned, starting to feel frightened.

"you want to escape? that doesn't seem right." a shrill voice resounded throughout the room.

"did you hear that?" yeosang spoke quietly, darting his head around to see where the voice came from.

"we heard it." hongjoong whispered.

"don't seem so afraid. i'm your genie, here to grant wishes." the voice hissed again.

what appeared before you was nothing like the genies you'd seen or heard of in films and stories. in fact, it terrified you so much you felt as though you would burst into tears. you bit your lip, trying not to seem weak in front of the others.

its dark slender body was unimaginably mangled, with boney limbs protruding from its somewhat humanoid torso. its mouth was abnormally large, flashing a menacing grin with its dislodged jaw and sharpened teeth. it stood almost three metres high, you guessed, blending in with the dim room.

"i'm not the genie you imagined, am i sweetheart?" the monster's black eyes locked with yours. you felt wooyoung's hand wrap around yours and instantly you felt less alone.

"each of you are here because you wished for something." it slowly pointed its lengthy finger at each of you. "fools. have you never heard the phrase?" he tssked, shaking his head. "be careful what you wish for." he growled. "now, everyone wants their wish granted, yes?"

no one replied.

"in order for me to grant your wish, i have arranged some challenges for you to complete. simply succeed, and your wish will be granted." he drawled over his words and it made your skin crawl.

"seems easy enough." mingi shrugged.

"oh?" the monster croaked. "your first challenge will begin momentarily. the goal is simple, find each other."

a click of the monster's scrawny fingers found you alone once more. you reached for wooyoung's hand but it wasn't there.

you were surrounded by a dense forest of freakishly large trees and thick fog. you took a deep breath, now was not the time to panic. there was no time to waste.

"hello?" you called on instinct. its like your words were swallowed by the fog, no echo repeated your shouts. it was deafeningly silent, even more still. there was no sight of movement and the fog began to settle around you uncomfortably.

without thinking a moment longer, you broke into a sprint, desperate to find anyone. the soft ground thumped beneath your steps, it was covered in an overgrown moss and fallen sticks that crunched as you ran.

you felt dizzy after running for minutes without stopping, but refused to rest until you found one of the boys. the challenge seemed easy enough, but in this infinite forest it felt like you'd never find them. you tripped on a root but it didn't stop your movement, you continued to run.

from your peripheral vision, you could've sworn you saw something move, however, you chose to ignore it, not wanting to scare yourself. you hoped the others were okay and had already begun to find each other.

something suddenly wrapped around your ankle and tugged you down hard, causing you to fall. "shit." you muttered trying to untangle the root, but it kept spiralling higher around your leg and grasping tighter. "what the hell?"

panic set in as both of your legs became knotted with the moving roots. you kicked and pulled but nothing was working and the roots became painfully tight, starting to cut into your thighs. you let out a cry of pain which still didn't seem to echo as you felt blood trickling down your legs.

"yeosang! she's here!" hongjoong's familiar voice shouted and you could almost see him through the shadowy fog. he ran towards you and instantly dropped to his knees, "oh, fuck." he mumbled, "fuck, fuck, fuck."

hongjoong ripped at the roots, urgently trying to tear them from you. "look at you, saving the day again." you laughed dryly.

he glared up at you, though, you knew there was no anger behind his caring eyes, "now is not the time to joke."

yeosang emerged from the fog and quickly knelt by hongjoong's side, joining in pulling the roots from your leg. "how did this happen?" he said in shock.

"its like they're alive." you said, almost not believing your own words. you winced, feeling the cool air seep into the cuts on your leg. "i'm so glad you guys are here."

"i'm glad we're here too, who knows what would've happened if..." hongjoong trailed off, refusing to finish his sentence.

"this challenge sucks." yeosang frowned, helping you stand up. "those cuts look painful, will you be okay?" he asked.

"yeah, i'm fine. lets just find the others and complete the challenge." you offered a smile and tried to brush it off, not wanting to cause worry.

the three of you wandered through the forest, thankfully the fog began to thin out and it became easier to see. you limped behind the two of them, eyes carefully scanning the ground for any more monstrous roots.

it became tiring, feeling like you'd been walking for hours. it seemed to be getting darker, though you couldn't see the sky through the heavy foliage.

a twig snapped from behind you and your head turned at the sudden startling noise. but nothing was there. "guys, did you hear that?" you asked.

a smiling wooyoung dropped from the tree above followed by san and scared half the life from you, "hear what?"

"holy shit, wooyoung! you scared me." you placed a hand over your heart, trying to calm down. hongjoong had put a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"that was kinda the point." he sheepishly rubbed his neck before his eyes widened upon seeing your legs. "what the hell happened to you?" he leaped forward to look more closely at your wounds.

"what did this to you?" san asked, his voice laced with concern.

"no, the tree roots, they, uh—" you stammered over your words, unsure of how to explain it.

"the roots were moving like they were alive." yeosang finished your sentence.

wooyoung and san glanced at each other before san nodded, "we've been seeing weird things too."

"this place is strange, i don't like it." hongjoong said, peering over his shoulder.

"lets find the others and get out as quickly as possible." you frowned.

the small group continued to navigate the forest, already discouraged and feeling like the first challenge was impossible to complete. your legs were numb to a burning sensation, similar to the one you felt when you first awoke, but you dared not complain.

the air was getting icier as the forest grew darker. you worried that soon you wouldn't be able to see at all, it was becoming difficult to even see the four boys in front of you.

"wooyoung?" you whispered.

he turned to face you, "yeah?"

"would it be okay if i held your hand again?" you spoke quietly.

he held his hand out for you. "i guess this is repaying the favour." he smiled warmly.

it was comforting having someone close to your side, even if you'd only known him for a short period of time. you seemed to trust him and he radiated a sense of comfort. he was one of those people who easily made friends and instantly became open with everyone he meets.

"i didn't like the way he said sweetheart to you." wooyoung's brows knitted together in uncertainty.

"it did feel uncomfortable." you looked down at your legs, "but i'd rather that than having my legs cut up."

"i hope we find the others soon so this challenge can end." he squeezed your hand reassuringly.

the two of you bumped straight into san's back. "what's stopping us?" wooyoung asked.

"hongjoong heard something." san replied.

it was still deathly quiet, voices barely projected once leaving your lips.

"its the others!" hongjoong cheered.

the nine of you happily reunited after hours upon hours of searching for each other.

"we did it! we completed the first challenge." yunho smiled.

"that you did. congratulations." the monster's screechy voice pierced your ears. "now, you'll need somewhere to stay for the remainder of the time you spend here."

as he spoke, walls began to build themselves up around you, a house forming into something that vaguely represented the shape of a gargantuan mushroom.

"rest well." it said, but not an ounce of sincerity was heard in its shrill voice. "another challenge awaits you tomorrow." it disappeared before your eyes, leaving the nine of you alone.

"it left us with a surprisingly nice house." you thought aloud. "well i suppose its not exactly a house… more so a giant mushroom…"

"yeah, check it out! there's enough beds for all of us!" wooyoung said excitedly. "and a bathroom!"

you looked around, pleased to find a fully equipped kitchen, nine beds and even a bathroom. it vaguely reminded you of the type of dormitories you’d been in during school camps. at the end of each bed there was a neatly folded pile of clothes for all of you. it seemed almost too good to be true, however, you couldn't help but feel comforted in this place after the exhausting day you'd had.

"thankfully so, i could use a shower." san said while stretching his arms.

"you know, that challenge wasn't too ba—holy shit what happened to your legs?" mingi exclaimed.

your eyes widened, "oh. the tree roots um, grabbed me."

"they what?" jongho asked, clearly shocked to hear such an absurd statement.

"i know it sounds bizarre but this place isn't right. i mean, you've seen the monster and the forest, its all scary but its real." you frowned, thinking about how strange this place was. feeling scared, you'd seen monsters in films and books but never thought they'd be real, standing before you.

hongjoong nodded, "she's right. me and yeosang saw the roots too, this place is unreal."

"the roots did move, like they were alive or something." yeosang shuddered upon remembering.

"why don't you go take a shower so someone can patch you up, okay? those wounds need treating." seonghwa suggested.

"alright, i'll be back." you somehow smiled.

yunho placed a hand on your shoulder before you could walk away, "by the way, you never introduced yourself. what's your name?"

"its y/n."

"pretty name for a pretty girl." wooyoung said, winking playfully at you.

mingi punched him jokingly, "dude, are you fuckin' flirting right now?"

"she started it!" wooyoung retaliated, recalling what you'd said to him earlier in the day.

you laughed, "i did, but i just wanted to help." you tried to justify.

wooyoung poked his tongue out at you light heartedly before you headed for the bathroom, taking a fresh pair of clothes from a bed as you went.

showering was always something you'd taken for granted, but you'd never do it again. you relaxed at the feeling of water running down your skin, washing away the efforts of today.

mind drifting, you began to wonder how long you'd be here for. how many more challenges there would be. if they'd be more difficult than the first. what other unbelievable things you'd see. it worried you, but it was comforting knowing that you'd already formed a friendship with the eight boys.

you brushed those thoughts away, not letting your mind control you and hopped out the shower before patting yourself dry with a towel. in the mirror you caught a glimpse of the markings on your back and swiftly turned away. you wouldn’t dwell on that. not here, not now. you quickly changed into the clean clothes and opened the bathroom door, peering around to see the boys happily settled into the house already. in a sense, it warmed your heart and you felt somewhat like you'd known them for years.

yeosang, jongho, wooyoung and san were busy in the kitchen, cooking something that smelled delicious and almost caused your stomach to grumble. though, you were pretty sure yeosang and jongho were just there to bother the other two. yunho, mingi and seonghwa were sitting in front of the fire place, poking and prodding at it every few minutes, joking around with each other. you wondered how everything could seem so normal, when the world outside you was far from it.

hongjoong was sat at the far side of the room with medical supplies laid out around him. he smiled as your eyes locked and he motioned for you to come over.

"someone else can use the shower." you said crossing the room to hongjoong.

"me!" san cheered, making a beeline for the bathroom. wooyoung rolled his eyes, not actually mad but still needing someone to help him finish cooking so he nudged yeosang and asked for his assistance.

"do those cuts still hurt?" he asked quietly.

you shook your head, "only a little."

"is it okay if i touch your legs?" he questioned, gently tugging at your pants. "they need to be treated properly." he frowned.

"of course." you complied, rolling up the bottom of your pants to above your knees, exposing the small wounds over your legs.

"shit," he breathed out upon seeing the damage, "i'm sorry this happened."

"its okay, i guess it had to be someone." you chuckled.

he huffed lightly, picking up a bottle of anti-septic treatment and applying it to a cotton swab, "whats with you and cracking jokes at the worst times?"

"just trying to lighten the mood." you replied with a quick shrug.

"seems to work." a small smile pulled at his lips, before his brows furrowed in discontent. "i'm sorry, this is going to sting a little."

you drew in a sharp breath as what smelt like anti septic came into contact with your legs.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry." he kept repeating.

you let out a shaky breath, "hongjoong, its alright." you tried to assure him.

it wasn't until a few minutes later that he finished tending to your legs. they hurt a lot, but you wouldn't admit that aloud.

"all done!" he said, a warm smile playing at his lips.

"thank you," you looked down at your legs, thinking about how some of the cuts might scar, "now, go shower before dinner is ready." you pat his back, motioning him towards the bathroom.

————————

soon, the nine of you were enjoying a hot meal cooked by san and wooyoung. it was delicious, and to be honest, you'd never felt more grateful for food.

conversation never ceased at the dinner table, you listened keenly as everyone exchanged life stories and got to know each other a little more. but a more grim mood settled over you as jongho spoke up.

"so," jongho began, you could tell his was hesitant to proceed as his eyes flitted around the table, "the genie said everyone is here because we all wished for something." he made sure to air quote the word genie. "what did you all wish for?"

there was a pause, everyone searching their minds for what to say. it was a heavy question and no one was eager to answer first.

"i'm not sure about you guys," yunho began, "but the last thing i remember wishing was for time to stop." he looked down at his dinner. "i guess i've been overwhelmed with life lately. dance classes, vocal lessons, school, part time job. you know when everything seems too much and just wish that time would stop so you could manage it all?"

you nodded, understanding the feeling.

"i remember laying in bed and wanting the world to stop spinning for even just a moment." he poked at the food on his plate. "and look where that got me."

everyone laughed a bit.

"when we get out of here, i'd be more than happy to help you out with whatever is overwhelming you." you told yunho. and you were dead serious.

"me too." san added.

seonghwa nodded, "and me."

it went around the table until mingi and everyone's gaze lingered on him, "ah shit, i'll look bad if i don't say it too, right?"

he made everyone giggle.

"thanks you guys. i really appreciate that." yunho was smiling shyly. "right, anyways, that was me. someone else has to share now or i'll be embarrassed."

hongjoong cleared his throat, "mine wish was similar to yours in a way." he looked at yunho, "it was loud in the house. my family were in the living room watching a baseball match. yelling and shouting at the television, laughing at each other, singing the team's song, you know how sports fans can get." hongjoong's shoulders slumped. "i was working on music at the time but i couldn't concentrate with all the noise carrying into my bedroom. i was so frustrated since this happens often. the last thing i remember is putting on my headphones, wishing for some quiet and eventually falling asleep." he let out a big breath, "then i woke up here, like yunho did."

"you make music?" you asked.

"i'm into producing." he replied, a smile creeping onto his face. he must be really passionate.

"you should let us hear some of your shit when we escape." mingi suggested.

"hey, i see what you two are doing. lets not change the topic." hongjoong narrowed his eyes jokingly and glared at you and mingi.

you looked at mingi and the two of you chuckled.

"fuck, i thought that would work." mingi ran a hand through his hair in distress.

"fess up, man." san said, a teasing grin on his face.

"shit, okay." mingi breathed out. "the last thing i wished for... i don't know." mingi was lying and planned to drag it out for as long as possible. as much as he was warming up to everyone, he didn't exactly feel like sharing his private thoughts and troubles with people he barely knew yet.

you didn't blame him. you were also kind of hoping the conversation wouldn't get around to you right now. you clearly remembered the last thing you wished for, and you were in no rush to discuss it with anyone here at the table in this moment.

everyone looked at him expectantly.

you were about to speak, try to change the topic off of mingi, but seonghwa spoke before you.

"i remember mine," he said, "you can think while i share, if that's alright with you?" seonghwa looked at mingi, sensing that he wasn't keen to talk.

mingi sent him a thankful look and nodded.

"the last thing i can remember wishing to be perfect." he said steadily, like he'd been working up the courage to say it for a while. "i'm a dancer, so it's frustrating when i mess a move up or i can't quite understand it. even worse when everyone else except me seems to get it."

"i take dance classes every now and then, i can imagine the pressure of doing it professionally." yunho replied understandingly.

"for what it's worth, you should try not to compare yourself to others. it seems like you're already hard enough on yourself, you don't need that extra stress." you added, placing the last bit of food on your plate into your mouth.

seonghwa smiled at your comment, he seemed to really be absorbing what you said. "thanks, i'll remember that for when i get home."

there was a beat of silence, a unanimous thought that it was more like an 'if' they get home.

everyone finished up the last of their meal, quietly chatting as the fireplace gradually dimmed.

"dinner was delicious, thanks guys." you said to san and wooyoung.

yeosang cleared his throat, implying that he also helped to cook.

wooyoung playfully his yeosang's arm. "all you did was stand there and ask us when it would be ready."

yeosang couldn't hide his smile as he was exposed.

"what about me?" jongho folded his arms over his chest.

"please, you cracked two eggs." san rolled his eyes jokingly.

"that's two more eggs than yeosang!" he retorted, glaring competitively in yeosang's direction.

"tomorrow i'm going to crack three eggs." yeosang shrugged casually.

"alright you guys, let's stop it right there before this turns physical." hongjoong stretched in his seat.

"what kind of physical?" yunho wiggled his eyebrows.

"i meant like a tussle or something," hongjoong laughed, "i'm not sure what you're on about."

you picked up your plate and seonghwa's and mingi's, who had been sitting either side of you, before carrying them to the sink. you collected everyone else's dishes as the continued talking, while the sink began to fill with hot water.

you were ready to start washing them when hongjoong crept up behind you.

"what do you think you're doing?" he quipped.

"uh," you blinked at him, a dish in one hand and a soapy cloth in the other, "cleaning the dishes?"

"absolutely not." seonghwa said, now standing beside you.

"sit back down." hongjoong tried to take the cloth from you. "we'll do them."

"what? no, i don't mind doing it, really. it's the least i can do since san and wooyoung cooked." you attempted to convince them, but they weren't having it.

they glanced at each other. you were clearly weren't going to stop so they had to do the next best thing.

"at least let us help." seonghwa reasoned, picking up a tea towel to dry the dishes with.

you huffed, "fine. if you must."

you'd admit it, cleaning the dishes took less than half the time you had anticipated it would with the boy's help. in that time, the rest of the group showered and were preparing themselves for bed.

honestly, none of you had any clue what the time was, you just knew you were ready to sleep.

if you were lucky you'd wake up in the morning to find that this was all some horrible nightmare, but you had an unfortunate feeling that wouldn't be the case.

you thanked seonghwa and hongjoong for helping out and immediately after climbed into the nearest empty bed.

the giant mushroom cap that sheltered you had only one big room, save for the bathroom at the far wall. the beds lined the wall, almost like a dormitory room. it was different from what you were used to—which was the comfort of your own bedroom—but it didn't bother you too much. truthfully? you were glad to be with the boys. if you had been alone through this you would be utterly terrified to sleep through the night.

but somehow, sleep overtook your body within minutes.

————

you bolted upright from a terrible nightmare gasping for air.

it wasn't real, you had to continuously remind yourself.

and of course, it was your one wish. the one thing you'd rather not talk about if you could avoid it. your biggest weakness.

you quietly swung your legs off the edge of the bed and padded over to the sink to fill a glass of cold water. you also splashed a little on your face for a little clarity. a reality check.

you'd hoped this would be some awful dream within a dream, yet, when the icy water hit your face, you still found yourself standing over a dingy kitchen sink.

someone else had woken up while you were getting a drink.

"can't sleep?" wooyoung whispered.

"i fell asleep just fine, a nightmare woke me up." you whispered back.

he'd picked the bed next to yours, you noticed.

"wanna talk about it?"

you shook your head, though it was too dark for wooyoung to have seen, "actually, i'd rather not. sorry."

you weren't ready. yet.

"it's okay." he replied, "sometimes it's hard to discuss those kinds of things."

"thanks for offering though." you smiled softly, but once again it was too dark for him to really see.

you crawled back into bed and pulled the covers close to your body, drifting back to sleep a lot slower than before.

————

#ateez #ateez wooyoung #ateez yeosang #wooyoung x reader #hongjoong x reader #ateez ff #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #ateez fic #ateez timestamps #kim hongjoong x reader #hongjoong scenarios #jung wooyoung x reader #wooyoung scenarios

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memobread · 10 months

Text

ALRIGHT FOLKS HERE IT IS

Jonathan Davis x transmasc! reader

TW: mentions of transphobia, mommy issues, etc. Contains heavy gore and r*pe using an electrode. Please proceed with caution

CONTAINS: Tons of fluff, smutty smut, and it takes place in the movie Goregasm

CONTEXT FOR PPL WHO HAVENT WATCHED GOREGASM:

the C.L.A.M. is a group of radical feminist bitches who go around killing men for no reason and Cockface is literally a guy who beats people to death with a giant dildo.

Aaaaanyway...ENJOY!!

================================================================================================

"I don't care what you'll do to the body I created, you're still my daughter."

You slumped over your mother's dining table, gripping the back of a chair in a fit of silent rage. You hated that word, "daughter" with all your being. You wished coming out as transmasculine didn't trigger your family as needlessly as it did.

"What happened to loving me unconditionally?" You spat, twenty-three years old with a mother who still picked fights with him.

"This isn't you. This isn't the 'way you are,'…you're just a tomboy."

Your mind seethed at the word. Your mother had angered you to the point where you were trembling, trying to hold yourself back. Attempting to control yourself, you decided to get up and get a beer from the fridge.

"Y/N, please take off your binder. It makes me uncomfortable."

It took a few moments to process the absolute bullshit spewing from your mother's mouth. She would talk to you like that all the time, but this time, you had enough of it.

"…the fuck did you just say?..."

"Don't swear at me, young lady!"

You violently slammed the fridge door shut, tears blurring your vision and streaming down your face. Your mother always made you feel stupid when you were upset, so the only way you could process anger was by holding it in until you cried. You felt so powerless with your mother; like you had no agency over your adult life. Even though you moved out, you felt like she still controlled you.

"…I needa go to work…" You choked out through tears.

"With a beer in your hand? Let's face it, Y/DN, you're pathetic. You insult ME by doing all this harm to the body I created, and now you're an alcoholic?"

You lost any means of control you had before.

"Oh, poor you! You make FUCKING EVERYTHING about yourself! When I tried FUCKING KILLING myself, you blamed me and said I 'hurt the body you created'! You didn't even ask if I was okay, let alone question why I did what I did!"

In an uncontrollable rage, you launched a powerful, adrenaline-filled punch at the drywall, your tough fist cracking through the hard material and leaving a crumbling crater in the infrastructure.

"…And now you're making yourself the victim AGAIN! Have you ever considered HOW I FUCKING FELT?! HAVE YOU EVEN FUCKING THOUGHT ABOUT WHO THAT 'BODY YOU CREATED' BELONGS TO, HUH?! AM I JUST A FUCKING BODY TO YOU?! WHY DOES IT MATTER WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE?!"

Your mother was in complete shock. You never spoke to her like that before until then. You finally let her know who she was.

…a cunt…

Sparing yourself the pain of listening to your mother retaliate, you grabbed your backpack and rushed out the door, slamming it behind you. Still crying, you ran to your car and hurriedly shut yourself inside, starting it up and leaving your mother's house for good.

"FUCK!"

You slammed your fist against the dashboard, tears sliding from your jaw down your neck and staining the hem of your X-large t-shirt. Various negative thoughts swarmed your head, nearly impairing your ability to drive.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, I need to go back…

Should I apologize?

No! She doesn't deserve an apology!

You talk to your mother like that, you piece of shit?

Your mother completely ignored your feelings and brushed them off as natural reactions, never apologized, cheated on your dad, and made sure he rarely got to see you, let your stepdad treat you like shit, and had no reaction when she saw you cutting yourself.

…the list goes on forever and ever…

Once you arrived at Filthy Frank's Fuck Flicks and Fake Dicks, you wiped your face with your sleeve and left the car, slamming the door behind you.

…pamela anderson, here I come…

You stepped inside, looking down to avoid any suspicion of you crying. Unfortunately, your coworker Mark caught sight of you.

"Hey, Y/N!"

You looked up and waved, trying to still yourself as much as possible.

"Hey, Mark. How's it goin'?"

You slid behind the counter after clocking in.

"I, uh…I'm good, you doin' alright?" Mark asked, concerned.

…fuck…

You broke down sobbing, Mark instantly coming to hug you.

"Dude, whaddid that fuckin' hag do now?" He asked, already knowing who made you cry.

You chuckled to yourself at how Mark already knew why you were crying.

"She said some stupid shit to me again and I just-…I fuckin' lost it, dude. I punched a hole in her wall and everything…"

Mark rubbed your back and pursed his lips.

"It was only a matter of time before one of that floppy-pussied fishy slut's kids stood up to her bullshit…" Mark snickered.

You laughed, slipping away to tend to a horny customer.

"The bitch got like, fuckin'-… seven kids, for chrissake!"

You chuckled while scanning a vcr of Jenna Jameson having sex with a goat and handing it to its rightful customer. He had a long, dark goatee and a shirt with a pentagram on it.

"I *sniff*…I like your shirt…" You sniffled.

"Thanks, man. Your slut mom gave it to me."

You, Mark, and the guy cracked up.

"Hey, uh…is the gloryhole open?"

You glanced over to the eerie curtain across the room.

"Uh…yeah! Have fun!"

You swear you could hear a guy crying and whimpering from behind the hole barrier, but you were too busy to investigate.

I'll check it out later…

You went through your shift as usual, selling obscenity, helping horny customers, and getting help kicking out the ones that were too horny. When your shift was almost over, you heard the bell at the door ring again, but it was different; it came with a comforting presence that you loved so much. Sure enough, it was your cute little love interest, Jonathan Davis.

“Hey, Y/N!” He called in his cute voice.

You waved to him, completely intoxicated. His loose t-shirt sleeves hung loosely just above his toned, pale forearms, his burnt umber dreadlocks draping over different planes of his lean shoulders and back. Your eyes lazily swung in every direction he went, secretly raving over his toothy smile below a tiny two-piece mustache. Even his long, model-worthy legs caught your eye. Of course, you did not only value his looks. You cared about him so much and would do anything to protect him. He was so kind to you, more so than almost anyone else. But you were conflicted about how he would feel if he knew you liked men.

"'Scuse me?"

You snapped awake from your state of deep thought, meeting the face of another customer with frizzy hair and a chinstrap.

"Oh, sorry. What can I help you with?" You asked in your best porn-marketing tone.

"Yeah, hi. Uh…I'm just checking these out."

You took the tapes he gave you. They had weird age play shit in them. You made a mental note to steer clear of him.

"Take care, uh…enjoy the diaper sluts."

"Oh, I will…" The man smirked, taking the tapes and leaving.

Once the man left, you could clearly see Jon, who eyed the bondage section. You avoided contact with his sparkling inky eyes so he wouldn't notice you staring at him. He fished out his final tape and approached you. With all the composure you could muster up, you said,

"Hey, Jon, how you been?"

“Oh, uh…I’m okay…You good?”

Jon had noticed your red, glossy eyes.

“Oh yeah, it’s uh… just family stuff.”

Remembering who your mother was, Jon laughed.

“Oh god, what’d that bitch do this time?”

You chuckled weakly, scanning the erotic tapes on the shelf behind you.

“She said I ruined her life or some shit like that, so I got really mad and kinda lashed out at her.”

Jon nodded, familiar with this type of abuse.

"She does stuff, and gets mad at the consequences, so she blames them on me and tries to make herself seem like she's in the right."

You turned back to him with a few delivery tapes and a box.

"All and all, she's a cunt."

"Yeah, seems like it," Jon said, pursing his lips.

You and Jon chatted for a bit during the last moments of your shift. After the final customer left, Jon asked,

"Wanna go get a beer with me and Mark?"

You felt your heart race and your chest pound as soon as those words left Jon's mouth.

"Uh…yeah, sure!"

The three of you left the store after clocking out and locking up, heading towards the gas station next door. As you walked in, you heard a slight rustling in the bushes.

…shit…

It could have been either of the two killers on the loose: the Cockface Killer or the C.L.A.M., and you weren't going to stand by and let your best friend and your love interest get killed.

"Um…hey Jon?"

You spoke quietly, afraid of being heard.

"Hm?" Jon turned around.

You awkwardly stood on your toes to reach his ear as he bent down.

"Um…I think I heard someone in the bushes outside. I'm not sayin' it's the C.L.A.M or Cockface, but um…the three of us should just go back to…to my…or your or Mark's place and lock the doors and windows while we hang out…"

Jon's expression suddenly changed from content to frightened once he realized what was happening.

"We need to leave. Now."

Before you could say anything, the front door slammed open, a gust of fishy wind flooding the tiny store.

"There you are, fucker!"

When you wheeled around to look, you saw Mil Dread, a tall, bearded brunette lady wearing a white leather V-neck crop top and booty shorts, donning another white leather captain cap. Next to her were her little hench-bitches wearing black fishnets and smeared makeup.

…the C.L.A.M…

Before you could get the guys and run, the blonde girl made a beeline for Jon, to which you responded by jumping in front of him and tackling her before she could reach him. In a fit of rage, you ripped violent blows to the blonde's stupid face, leaving not a second for her to breathe, let alone blink. While you beat her screaming face in, Jon grabbed the other girl and slammed her face into the wall repeatedly before throwing her on the ground and jumping elbow-first onto her stomach. Retching and shouting filled the room as Mark ran from Mil, throwing glass bottles of vinegar at her to slow her down.

“You little shit-munching whores…”

The blonde tried to throw you off, but you yanked her up by her hair and slammed her bloody face into the wall.

"YOU FUCKING CUNT!" You screamed, slamming her again twice as hard.

She cried out, trying to wrench out of your strong grip, but you slammed her down WWE-style onto a pile of broken glass, lacerating her bloody face tissue. You jerked her head up and rammed your fingers down her throat, holding a piece of glass between them.

"VOMIT, PIG!!" You barked, smacking her bruised face.

She sobbed loudly on your fingers and squirmed, trying to break free again, but you slammed her down harder, tightening your grip as you jerked your fingers in and out, blood oozing from the back of her raspy throat. She heaved up a thick pile of red vomit onto the dirty floor.

“YEAH, THAT’S FUCKING RIGHT, BITCH!”

You couldn’t help but feel maniacal pleasure like everything horrible that ever happened to you shot right out of your fingers and out the girl’s throat.

“L-*cough* Let me go!!” The blonde cried, limply hitting you with flimsy fists.

You grabbed her wrists with one hand and snapped out your switchblade.

“Not until you stop working for that fucking hag.”

As soon as she opened her mouth, you drew your blade and swooped down upon her throat, slicing her white skin and bones like butter. You felt a wave of relief when her voice died down, and all you could hear from her was gasping and choking. You reveled in her blood, unaware of the tall bearded lady leering behind you.

“She was my favorite…”

You swiveled around to meet the eyes of fury itself. Wide, furious, twitching eyeballs shoved between smoky flaps; thin, trembling red lips holding back all sorts of profanities. Even Mil’s breasts were flushed with anger, down to her bulging leg muscles, to her veiny feet tucked into white platform heels. While she was in shock, you tried to run away but she flung bulging arms around you and slammed you to the ground, ass up, face squished into the concrete.

“You will pay for this…”

“No!” Jon screamed, gripping the nearly-dead hooker by her bloody throat.

You tried scrambling away, but she flung her legs over you to clamp your hand down, the hard material of her heels nearly breaking every bone in your hands. Before you could try to escape again, she undid your belt and yanked down your pants, bearing the phallic electrode strapped to her crotch. This was what she did to every man she could catch; pin them down and rape them with her stupid fucking electrode, then kill them in the most painful way she can think of, all for no real reason except their gender identity.

“Y…you fucking nazi…” you managed to choke out against the floor.

Mil ignored you, too busy studying your boxers.

“You must have a tiny dick, eh?”

She yanked down your boxers, and her eyes slightly widened.

“You…you don’t-…you’re not a man?…”

Annoyed, you spat,

“Yeah, I am. Ever heard of being trans, you fucking bimbo?”

She grabbed your hair and slammed your face to the ground, your skull bursting with stinging pain.

“You betrayed the female race…”

She slammed into you, shooting excruciatingly painful jolts of electricity throughout your nether regions and up to your stomach, a rough scream belting from your bloody lips. Your hip bones stung the muscle clinging to them, sparking and trembling rapidly as a huge bolt blew straight through your bladder, shooting up every single nerve, and reaching your lungs.

“This is what you fucking get, traitor!”

Your vision clouded and your throat closed. You were gasping for air, blood peeking from your bottom eyelids and between your lips. In a white flash, you saw your life playing back and forth in intervals of seconds. You could faintly hear several more girls laughing maniacally while Mark and Jon struggled against their restraints. You were breaking out into a cold sweat and you were spitting up your lunch. Before you knew it, your body went limp, all you could hear was ringing and blurry screams, your vision blurred to the point of severe disorientation.

…this is it…

Before you could accept your impending death, you heard a loud, guttural grunt and a blunt object knocking Mil off of you. Your thoughts incoherent, you lay motionless on the filthy aluminum floor, remnants of stinging vibrations jabbing your insides.

“Cockface?!”

With all the strength you could muster, you heaved your weight into your elbows to get a better look at the two infamous serial killers. Mil lassoed her whip around Cockface’s giant dildo and yanked it down, sending him face-first onto the floor. Before she could follow up, he slid in between her legs and tried to jab the dildo up her saggy ass, but he severed her butt cheek instead, causing her to scream as the ugly piece of flesh splattered down to the floor. Cockface tackled Mil to the floor while her guard was down and flung dildo blows at her bitchy face, clipping her cheekbone and slicing it like salami.

…that thing must have some sort of acid on it…

Mil cracked her flogger hard on Cockface’s chest, drawing huge beads of deep red and making him cry out in pain. She then straddled him, clasping her hands around his thick neck and wringing hard.

“So long, scum…”

Suddenly, Cockface launched a brutal heave of his dildo up between her tits, completely lacerating the tissue, snapping her sternum, and impaling through her. Her grip on his neck instantly went limp, and saliva started dripping from her mouth onto Cockface’s dildo mask. Suddenly, you heard clapping coming from the front door.

“Goddamn, that was hot…”

You looked towards the source of the clapping, and there you found a short, stubby man with a short beard, receding hairline, and a detective badge hanging loosely from his belt.

“Detective Douglass Depschette, FPD, here to investigate whatever the fuck this is.”

Beside him stood a taller brunette woman donning a pair of round glasses and a typical office worker outfit. She looked like she would rather get a sulfuric acid enema than work with Depschette, understandably.

“You see, Depschette? The fetish killer and Cockface are the same!” She exclaimed, indicating the bloody scene with her arms.

Depschette groaned in frustration.

“Here we go again…”

He approached Mil’s mutilated corpse.

“You see…”

Your vagus nerve sparing you the ramble, you blacked out. Blurs and whisps of Jonathan appeared before you in your dream, and you could hear occasional bits of his pretty voice as he and Mark eventually hauled you out of the store, carrying you to your car.

“Gah, shit…”

“C’mon, lift his legs…”

When the two men finally crammed you in, Jon sat in the back with you, laying your head on his lap. When Mark hit a speed bump, your body jolted to the side, your face meeting Jon’s crotch. His eyes widened, and he blushed, squeezing his legs together. Mark snickered.

“You two queers doin’ alright back there?”

Jon let out an awkward chuckle.

“Shut up, man…”

When the three of you finally arrived at your trailer, you were carried inside and laid on your comfy mattress. Jon laid your head on his lap again, making sure you were in an elevated position.

"Oh shit, I gotta go," Mark said, scrambling to his feet.

"Lemme know how he's doing, okay?"

Jon nodded, smiling as he waved him goodbye. Just as he left, you started to wake up. Jon inadvertently ran his fingers through your soft, fluffy hair. When he heard you grunt, he snatched his fingers away and grabbed his water bottle.

"Shhh, shhh…it's okay, Y/N…Cockface killed Mil and you're back home."

You were confused, your head was pounding, and you were breaking out into a cold sweat. You were dizzy while trying to scramble to your feet and recognize your surroundings. Jon instantly went to calm you down, putting your head back on his lap and stroking your hair.

"Just take some deep breaths with me…deep breaths…"

Trembling and confused, you followed his slow, deep breaths nonetheless.

"Th….Thanks for taking care of me, Jon…"

He smiled his pretty smile and said,

"Sure, no biggie."

The realization that you were lying in your crush's lap was starting to show up, which gave you butterflies in your nauseous tummy.

"I-…Are you okay? Are you hurt?" You asked, pushing yourself up on your elbows.

Jon nodded, settling you back down to his lap with his soft hands.

"Don't worry, I'm fine. I was able to knock out the bitch who attacked me."

Jon laughed a little awkwardly, stroking your hair.

"Th-Those fucking whores killed my friend Max…All because he was a guy…"

Jon's breath became shaky, and his grip on your hair tightened.

"You…You're the only person I can tell because now I know you're trans…"

Your eyes widened.

…he saw…

He saw your reaction and immediately started backpedaling.

"Listen, Y/N, I'm sorry…I dunno why I said that or why I'm bringing up random shit in the first place…"

You were quick to comfort him.

"Oh no, no, no you're fine. I just…I'm glad you don't hate me because I'm trans."

Jon chuckled halfheartedly.

"I actually had no idea you were born female…You pass so well, with flying colors…"

He ran his pointer finger along your upper lip.

"That's a nice 'stache you got there too…"

You chuckled.

"You too, man."

His two-piece mustache curled with his lips into another pretty smile. Soon, you two delved into another deep conversation. It was so easy to talk to him like you could chat with him about mothballs for ten years and never get bored. The conversation gradually went deeper, turning into Jon's sexual identity crisis.

"Yeah, I think I might like men a little…but I can't publicly say it…I can only talk about this to you."

You and Jon talked more, then the topic transitioned to your gender identity.

"Yeah, I've been feeling like I'm not masculine enough, like I'm just never gonna really be a guy, and it's fucked me up big time."

Your head hung down as you pursed your lips and sighed.

"My mom keeps guilt tripping me for this shit and I don't wanna believe it, but she tells me it so much that-…

You were suddenly overcome with violent guilt and tears started to prick at your eyes. Jon noticed and immediately came to comfort you.

"Hey, hey, c'mere…"

Jon wrapped you in a warm bear hug, massaging your scalp and rubbing your back.

…his hugs feel like heaven…

Jon hugged you as if you were the most precious thing to him. He was warm and soft, fitting your body into his perfectly, like a therapeutic body pillow. You relaxed into his embrace, hugging him back tightly. He reached behind you with one arm and grabbed your fluffy blanket, wrapping it around the both of you as if you weren't relaxed enough already. The security and saturated warmth of the blanket and Jon nearly made you drift off to sleep like a baby. You took your time to enjoy the overwhelmingly comforting feeling, both of you staying in that position for a few minutes before Jon dragged one arm away and left the other draping over your shoulder.

"Yeah, I've been feeling the same way. Societal norms and shit…"

"Those rules are fucking stupid, but I can't help but to try to fit them."

You blushed when Jon put his arm around you.

"Listen, anyone who doesn't see you or me as men is a fucking idiot. You and I are both men, and we know it, that's all that matters." He said, looking into your glossy eyes.

"Shit, you even passed as a guy to Mil." Jon followed up, squeezing your shoulder.

You chuckled and smiled, your heartwarming with reassurance. As the conversation progressed, Jon became more comfortable, considering you two had known each other for a few years and were good friends. But you and Jon wanted something more.

"Hey Y/N…can I ask you something?"

"Sure, go ahead."

Jon cleared his throat.

"When you attacked that blonde girl when she attacked me…All that rage you let out on her…where did that come from?"

You froze. He was giving an obvious hint that he suspected you liked him.

"I…uh…."

Jon stared, waiting for a response.

"I just…"

You couldn't lie to him. You knew Jon possibly had feelings for you, and he knew you did too, and you couldn't deny it any longer.

"It’s because I love you."

He froze, completely taken aback by how direct you were. You started to panic, regretting everything you said to him. The possibility he might not like you hit you that moment, plaguing your mind with horrible predictions.

"I….I'm sorry….I'll leave…"

You offered to leave even though it was your trailer, but Jon pulled you right back.

"I….I love you too…so much…"

This was your breaking point. All the awkward interactions and conversations that were more cringe-worthy than what happens in an episode of The Office didn't matter anymore.

"I just…I-…I-"

You had enough of the awkward stammering, and you took his face in both your hands. You looked deeply into his pretty eyes before connecting your lips to his, kissing him sweetly. He took the hint and let go of his stress, holding you around your upper torso and kissing you back. It didn't take long for the kiss to escalate. Jon straddling your lap and caressing your face, you wrapped your arms tightly around his skinny waist.

"I want this so bad, Y/N…"

Things were escalating quickly since you both acknowledged the constant romantic and sexual tension throughout your friendship, and this was the moment it would all be let go.

"I love you, Jon…"

Both of you were in disbelief, thinking what was happening was too good to be true, all while making out sweetly on your dirty mattress. Jon's kisses were soft and loving as if he was kissing your wounds better. His lips and hands were gentle as they touched you ever so gently. You felt all over his body, your hands sliding gracefully across the dips and mounds of his ethereal figure. The painfully awkward moments you had earlier melted away as your hands settled on Jon's slender waist, holding it and caressing it sweetly, feeling his warmth. It didn't take long for the kiss to escalate; Jon gripped your face tighter and began to eat at your lips, reveling in how you fell apart for him. It didn't take long for Jon to topple over on top of you, trapping you between his arms on the bed. You wrapped your legs around his waist to bring him closer, and he pressed down onto you harder, grunting into your mouth. Your hands raked up and down all over his body, making him moan at the mercy of your fingernails. You kissed him hard, pushing yourself up into him as much as possible as if to fuse your bodies. You could feel his erection pressed against your crotch, desperate for any friction. Biting Jon's bottom lip, you ground your crotch into his cock, a small whimper escaping your lips, and Jon gasping with a loud moan followed by his signature chuckle.

"Oh yeah?"

He slammed himself down between your legs, gasping and whining pathetically at the well-earned friction. Ducking his head under your jaw to plaster sloppy kisses and harsh bites all over your neck, he stayed between your legs and started to rock back and forth on your throbbing heat.

"Oh fuck, that feels so good…" Jon growled into your neck.

When his teeth bared into you, you bit your lip and arched your back, keening desperately for him. Your noises sent him into a horny frenzy, causing him to rip off his jeans, along with yours, and press against you again. With the most ruthless of intentions, you grabbed his dick, making him freeze.

"Ahhh…"

Once you started squeezing a bit on his tip, rubbing slightly up and down, he leaned his head back and let out a breathy moan.

…he's so sensitive…

The friction of the fabric rutting so deliciously against Jon's needy tip made his eyes roll back and caused tremors to wrack throughout his entire beautiful body, leaving you room to bite at his neck a bit.

"Oh my god, Y/N….Jesus Christ….you-oh fuck!!"

Before he could finish his sentence, you slid your hand under his boxers, gripping his cock firmly. His pleasure face gazing down into your soul flashed a hint of a smirk before he slid his hand under your boxers.

"…oh god….jon…."

Jon started cupping your heat and rubbing it gently while you jerked him harder. His long, soft fingers caressing you down there sent tiny waves of pleasure racking your lower body as slick arousal coated his fingers. Breathing heavily and trying not to buck your hips up, you spat on your hand, squeezing it tighter around his girthy cock, stroking the shaft with your fingers as you rubbed him up to the tip at a medium pace, the new lubrication making his eyes roll back in his head and shaky whimpers fall from his lips. You used your other hand to reach down and cup his nuts, fondling them sweetly while his fingers made their way to your little nub, rubbing it in moderate circles with your slick on his fingers. Your bottom lip was trapped between your teeth as you picked up your pace, you and Jon whimpering to each other. Your two hands were making sweet love to Jon's member, one rubbing up and down and squeezing on the wet shaft, and the other smothering the tip with wet caresses and jerks. Jon's face was buried in your neck, moaning pathetically into your ear while rubbing your clit a little faster, your legs opening up, and your moans getting louder at the feeling.

"G-oh…God, Y/N you feel so good on my fingers…" Jon groaned, his voice two octaves lower than usual.

The sight of Jon's hand under your boxers drove you insane with arousal; Seeing his fingers work your sweet little nub so well and hearing your slick sliding his fingers around on it made you wetter than ever before. You rubbed and caressed him faster, reaching a swift pace as he trembled above you, crying and whimpering while you pumped away.

"Oh fuuuuuck, please, please Y/N-oh god, that feels so-oh god…." Jon babbled into your ear, his hand trembling as it started to flick across your clit, sliding down to tease your hole too.

Your back arched when he sped up, breathy moans escaping you as you felt a knot start to form in your stomach. Jon attempted to stifle his moans with your neck as you squeezed your thighs around his, whimpering pleads that could make even the purest of individuals cum in their pants. Jon's cock was red and pulsating in your hands, the feeling of you jerking him so good making his legs shake. Eventually, he couldn't handle it anymore.

"That's it. I need you. Now."

Jon pulled his hand out and yanked down his boxers, revealing a red, throbbing cock ready to cum. He effortlessly flipped you over and yanked up your ass to meet his hips. All you could do was bury your face in your pillows and brace yourself.

"You ready, baby?" Jon breathed, flicking his red tip up and down your slit.

You turned your head around and said,

"Yes…please…let's fuck…"

Jon pulled off his shirt and threw it to the side, revealing his soft, yet strong features and beautiful natural body. He was now completely naked for you and only you. You yanked off your shirt just to feel his skin better, leaving your binder on. With that, Jon positioned his tip at your entrance, pushing it a bit before being sucked into you, both of you awing at the feeling. His tip stretching your tight hole made your eyes roll back into your head as you begged him to go deeper.

"Ah…Already?...You're so needy…I love it…"

He pushed himself deeper into you, your slippery, gunny walls clenching so hard around him, trying so hard to stretch to his size. He could barely slide further because of your tightness, but he pushed himself even deeper. Clenching onto your love handles and choking out hot breathy moans, he started thrusting in and out of you, leaning forward to get a better angle.

"Oh Jesus Ch…Christ, Y/N…You're so f…fucking tight…"

You arched your back further, pushing back into him, the sudden contact with your g-spot making you cry out into the pillow. You could hear Jon chuckle through a heaved breath as he started fucking into you at a medium pace, moaning desperately as he did so. It was like his cock had been sucked up into a black hole, never to escape.

"Y-oh fuck…You okay, baby?"

You nodded, lightly grinding against him, making him grab you tighter and go deeper.

"Oh god, yes…so fucking big…" You keened, your eyes glossy from the pleasure.

The line of praise got you trapped in Jon's arms; He had toppled onto you and gripped the sheets on either side of your head.

"Oh ho ho ho, I'll show you big…"

He rammed into you, catching you off guard and causing you both to cry out in pleasure. His hips were like a piston pummeling into you faster as he moaned various praises in your ear. The repeated blows to your g-spot had you whimpering like a slut for him, begging him to use you however he wanted.

"Oh yeah?"

He went even faster, your eyes rolling back into your brain as your buttcheeks clapped violently against his pelvis, his nuts slapping against your clit.

"Oh fuc-oh yeah…! Take it! Take it like a dirty slut…!"

Jon snarled endless dirty talk in your ear as you both came close to your orgasms in a matter of minutes.

"I'm gonna fucking cum inside you so hard…"

Jon buried his face in your neck from behind, biting down on your pulse and gripping your hips with the strength to keep them still, using you however he wanted. With each thrust, the knot in your stomach came closer to unraveling while Jon cried out and held you still. He could already tell you were about to cum by your tightening, trembling walls and your cries becoming more desperate. Jon violently slammed in and out at the speed of light, nearing his orgasm by the tiniest bit. You were so close to releasing all over his cock,

"SHHHHIIITT!!!"

"Oh my god, fuck!!!"

Seeing stars, your eyes rolled back into your head, and your insides twitched rapidly as you came undone, Jon's hot, milky sperm shooting deep inside you while he cried out incoherent praises and loud moans. With each spurt of cum he would thrust hard into you, draining himself in your body. Eventually, he quickly pulled out and collapsed on top of you, his hairy chest moving up and down against your back. Once he completely calmed down, he started feathering kisses along the back of your neck, drawing a cute smile from you while you held his hands.

"You alright?" Jon asked, kissing your shoulder.

You turned yourself around to face him, pulling him up with you to sit on your bed face-to-face.

"I've never been better…"

Jon gave a little toothy smile and pecked your lips, caressing the little marks on your hips.

"Sorry if the dirty talk got a little outta hand…I'm a horny bastard as you well know."

You chuckled and squeezed his hands.

"Oh no, it's fine. I liked it."

Jon smiled and pulled you under your covers, turning off your lamp.

"Let's just lay here the rest of the night…I'm so fuckin' tired."

"Me too…"

Jon pulled you into a big naked bear hug, holding you close to his chest while you caressed his back, pulling him into you.

"I love you, Jon."

"I love you too, Y/N…"

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mycandylovefanatics · 1 year

Text

Blueberry Pancakes

(A very short Lysander blurb I’ve had on my mind for a while.)

(So glad to be back oh gosh! in this story the farm and the house looks just a tad different, ive always imagined sitting on the porch with lysander having coffee or tea so im indulging in my own little thoughts here lol i havent written anything in like years at this point so forgive me for any typos, forgive my rustiness and forgive me if you just dont enjoy the story lololol)

Living on the farm was a drastic change, but it was a change that you welcomed with open arms. The stark contrast of waking up to the sounds of birds singing versus the aggravating honking of cars, people yelling down the halls of your dorm. There was something different about the air there, something that wrapped you up in a blanket of peace and warmth, even if it was currently a bit chilly at the moment.

You sat outside on the front porch, hands tightly gripping the mug of coffee in your hands to absorb as much of its warmth as possible. The mug was probably a bit too hot to be holding that way, but the cold in the air balanced it out. It was about six o’clock in the morning now, you had gotten used to waking up earlier and earlier due to Lysander’s routine. At first you didn’t hesitate to fall back into the mattress, going back to sleep within seconds but slowly you had come to enjoy getting an earlier start to your day. It wasn’t a daily occurrence that you were up before him though.

It was the middle of Spring, so while the weather was nice during the day, the mornings were still a crisp cold until the sun would come up. But it wasn’t a bad cold, in fact it was actually pleasant the way the morning breeze brushed your skin. You took a deep breath and sipped your coffee, whatever leftover drowsiness you had slowly faded away along with it. You leaned against the wooden railing and got a bit lost in thought, not hearing the door open softly behind you.

“Good morning lovely,” Lysander spoke up, startling you a bit but it made you giggle. You never understood how he managed to be so light on his feet. He tiredly rubbed his eyes and stretched before walking over to you.

“Good morning to you too, did you sleep well?” You looked up at him as he stood beside you and kissed your forehead, moving your hair out of your face as he did so.

“I always sleep well with you,” he smiled, and it made you blush. He had his own mug in his hand as well too, whoever made coffee in the mornings always brewed enough for the other to have some waiting for them whenever they made it out of bed. It was an unspoken thing between you both, and always filled your hearts with warmth at the small but loving gesture.

Lysander stared into the distance, watching the sun begin to creep up along the horizon. It’s golden rays spilling over and landing perfectly on his face. His eyes always seemed more intense in the sunlight, especially his golden one. He was undeniably handsome whether he knew it or not, and you couldn’t believe he was yours. Of course, he could say the same and more about you and would not hesitate to let you know.

“Sunrises must have been made just for you, my love.”

You’re suddenly very aware of the way he’s looking at you, complete adoration in his eyes. From his point of view, the sun was creating a golden aura around your frame, making you seem almost unreal, almost heavenly. It was a bit cliche how the wind started blowing just at that moment and he swore he fell in love with you every day. The way his eyes seemed to bore into your soul always made you a bit nervous, in a good way. “You always look breathtaking this time of the day,” he tilts your chin up and kisses you, his lips soft and his touch gentle as always.

Your face is no doubt heating up at this point, but you have no shame in that. “You’re a true womanizer, you know that Lys?” you joke with him. He cocks his eyebrow up at that, a small smirk forming on his face and he shakes his head at your little joke. “I highly doubt that.”

He wraps his arm around you and pulls you into his side, both of you continuing to watch the sun come up.

You had been living with him for a little over a year at this point and even still, you never got tired of times like these. In fact, you weren’t tired of any of it. Waking up next to him, brushing your teeth together, cooking and eating breakfast together. The domesticity of it all had you feeling warm inside. You leaned into his chest and wrapped your arms around his middle, taking a deep breath and his scent filled your nostrils. You both stayed like that for a while, him occasionally stroking your arm or hair, and you rubbing his back. Before you knew it, the sun had fully risen and you were ready to start your day until-

“gerrrrrghhhhhhle”

You jumped at the loudness of your stomach, both of you laughing at that. “I guess I forgot about breakfast, you hungry?”

He didn’t have to answer, because right at that moment his stomach also growled, a little louder than yours, and you both burst into laughter at that.

“I guess we have our answer then,” you giggle. He nods in agreement and lets you lead him back into the house by his hand. “Come on, I’ll make you your favorite?” you offer.

“Blueberry pancakes?”

You nod.

He perks up at this, fully awake now that you’ve promised him a treat. “Absolutely. Lead the way, love.”

Making your breakfast is quick, not having to do much except make the batter and flip the cakes. It goes by even quicker with Lysander by your side handing you the ingredients you need as you go, and before you know it you’re sitting at the table with him ready to gobble down.

You’d never doubted it to begin with, but the content smile he has on his face as he takes a bite of his pancake reaffirms that you wouldn’t trade this life with him for the world.

Coincidentally enough, he’s thinking the same thing, appreciating the simplicity of it all. Being with you is the easiest thing he’s ever done. Nothing has ever felt so natural to him, and the simple act of eating breakfast with you makes his heart feel full. He watches you cut into your pancake, and he wants this feeling everyday for the rest of his life.

Thinking about the small, square box he has hidden upstairs in your shared bedroom, right under your nose, he’s never been more sure of his decision than this moment.

#mcl lysander #lysander ainsworth #Lysander #Lysander Headcanons #mclul lysander #mycandylove #mycandylove oneshot #mclboys #MCL #my candy love #alternate life lysander

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marinaiguess · 11 months

Text

if you wanna know about what happened to that sunken ship carrying 750 immigrants (of which around 100 survived), i can tell you but i cannot promise you i can keep my cool.

i’m gonna start biting ohmygosh okay.

immigrants. refugees is probably the better word. those people took a ship from libye heading to italy. they were trying to leave their country to go to a better place, right? to live under better conditions. but you cannot do that “legally”. i hope you know how it goes. people from that area would travel on road, from turkey and then from greece to wherever they wanted to go. but as of recently, right at the borders of greece and turkey there was a wall built (wish this was a bad joke) by the greek government. the reason: to deter immigrants to pass the borders (since there are a lot of them in our country but that’s no fucking excuse since the EU literally funds the governement for this). and it worked, unfortunately.

refugees had to find a different means to leave. so? travel overseas. it’s riskier but when you have no other option left, you take what you have. and it’s not the first time this has happened. it’s not the first time refugees have drowned and their bodies were found in greece’s coasts. we’ve mourned many people, many children.

this time? this time it was different because this is the biggest ship the greek government has ever found “trespassing” their sea borders. (there could be others that were never found you know). the biggest ship with the most people on it. never before have there been 750 people abroad. and never before has a ship like that sunken.

so what happened? based on what i know and not what the greek media claims, based on the survivors’ and the residents’ claims, the coastguard sinked that overcrowded fishing boat. yeah you heard me right. they towed their ship to that boat, probably in hopes to get it out of the greek sea borders so that malta would have to deal with it. malta’s sea borders weren’t that far away and keep in mind that towing in this case is illegal because it could be fatal (and it was).

so, the coastguard firstly claimed that they hadnt approached the boat until it was near sinking. after the survivors’ spoke their truth, they had to change their initial statement. and they did that quite fast. they said they approached them hours before it sunk in order to maintain their safety and supply the boat with food and water. according to them, the reason why the boat sunk was due to the people who were moving too much and tried to shake off any help given to them. it was dark and it wasn’t windy, no waves big enough to disrupt the boat.

the greek authorities have lied, twice now, and their claims oppose those of the survivors’. survivors who lost their parents or their children. because governments make their lives harder and harder and when the people try to escape their fate, they realize they dont have the upper hand on the matter. and those humans who dont deserve to be called that, act like they care, announcing a 3-day national mourning. that happened a week ago. i havent seen any government officials talking abt the matter since then. (and ofc the only reason they pretend they care so much is because it’s elections season)

i am so done with the hypocrisy. we know the truth and we want justice to be served. but i really really wish it hadnt come down to this, i wish we didnt have to mourn for all the lost ones.

it isn’t the first time it happened. it isn’t the first time in this year that we have lost people thanks to our government’s incompetency. im tired of this. and im tired of people who vote for them, who back them up and excuse their actions. my heart hurts. it really does. as a kid of immigrants who had to go through hell to move across countries, who risked their lives to have a chance of living peacefully and under better conditions, it hurts. and it hurts even more to know that even if there’s a very very very slight possibility jsutice will be served, those people will never be the same again. justice wont be enough to bring their loved ones back. it fucking hurts.

#im sorry for all this #i'll go back to studying now #i'll try to. this event has disrupted my ability to study and yeah.#i just didnt wanna talk abt it #but now. now things are too much #real life shit

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fandomblogs-posts · 5 months

Text

ao3 wrapped [writers edition] answers

link to questions https://www.tumblr.com/evilwriter37/736066424379932672/floydsin-ao3-wrapped-writers-edition-how-many?source=share

How many words have you written this year?

19,795 words

2. How many works did you publish this year?

8 works

3. What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)?

All of them

4. What work of yours has the most hits?

'Viggo’s Lack Of Listening Skills' 1420 hits

5. What work of yours got more feedback than you expected?

Any of them

6. Favourite title you used

'I Gave You A Boner, You Can't Ignore Me'

7. If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most?

Not sure actually. I might need to think on that

8. Pairing you wrote the most for this year?

Viggo x Hiccup

9. Favourite pairing you wrote for this year?

Viggo x Hiccup

10. What work was the quickest to write?

'Fish Can Float Too' (by my friend who wrote it in 15 mins)

'The Dragons Riders' Can Hear Everything (mine. 2 days)

11. What work took you the longest to write?

'Viggo’s Lack Of Listening Skills' (6 months)

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

6 I believe

13. What’s your longest work of the year?

'I Thought I Could Love You'

14. What’s your shortest work of the year?

'Thoughts And Prayers'

15. What WIP are you taking into next year with you?

'I Thought I Could Love You'

16. What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag?

Don’t think I have one

17. Your favourite character to write this year?

Hiccup is really fun to write especially with the extra sass I sometimes add to his character

18. The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year?

Snotlout and Fishlegs probably

19. What’s one pairing you want to explore next year?

I might be writing some hiccstrid next year. I have written them before but havent for a long while so it’ll be fun to write them again

20. Which work of yours have you reread the most?

'Viggo’s Lack Of Listening Skills'

21. How many kudos in total did you get this year?

333

22. Which work has the most comments?

'Viggo’s Lack Of Listening Skills' (there’s a theme apparently since I haven't written a lot)

23. Did you do any collaborative works this year?

No but I want to one day

24. Did you write any gifts this year?

I did! I wrote one for @evilwriter37. And I hope to write more for others

25. Did you receive any gifts this year?

No but that’s ok. I’m still new to writing on ao3

26. What’s your most common category?

m/m

27. What do you listen to while writing?

Whatever playlist I’m obsessed with or race to the edge episodes

28. Favourite work you wrote this year?

'Viggo’s Lack Of Listening Skills'

29. Favourite line/passage you wrote this year?

From you wouldn’t believe it 'Viggo’s Lack Of Listening Skills'

“Hello my dear” Viggo said smoothly. Hiccup took a deep breath and stood up. He turned around to face the Viking Chief and spoke his mind.

“Don’t ‘hello my dear’ me. What the fuck were you thinking?” Hiccup didn’t normally use that sort of language but his temper was flaring even higher now with Viggo smiling at him. “Shooting down the dragons? Hurting my friends!? We had a deal” He walked closer to Viggo, almost getting into his face. Hiccup scowled up at the man waiting for his response.

“You look so cute when you’re angry.” Viggo whispered to Hiccup. Hiccup tried to keep the scowl on his face but it faltered slightly.

And from Last Goodbye

“I wish you did seize the moment”

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

That I finished any of my stories and probably that some of my favourite fic writers commented on my fics

#hiccup haddock #vigcup #viggo grimborn #httyd rtte #httyd fandom #fanfic #rtte viggo #ao3 writer #ao3 wrapped

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trickstarbrave · 10 months

Text

i havent proofread this. i just wrote whatever my little heart wanted

heres some childhood friends voryn and nerevar with trans nerevar

slight romance but theyre like. 10-14/15 in this (in human years???? elves are weird) so. its nothing more than little kisses.

also used she/her pronouns until voryn would know differently. bc its mostly from his perspective

The first time Voryn saw Nerevar, he knew Nerevar was someone special. Short, fluffy white hair, bright blue eyes, and a devilish grin had Voryn wanting to be closer and closer to the strange elf.

In all honesty, he thought Nerevar was a boy when they first met. She had that sort of boyish charm, that mischievous look. The name didn’t help either--it wasn’t distinctly feminine or masculine. Not to mention the way she carried herself, the dirt under her nails, and the wooden sword on her belt all screamed “boy”.

The day they first played together it was warmer than usual. Typically in Kogoruhn the wind carried the cold air from the sea of ghosts inward and gave it a pleasant, cool breeze even in summer. But instead the wind carried the heat from Red Mountain down, making it hot under the blazing sun. Annoyed, Voryn eventually discarded his shirt before picking up the large branch to continue play-sword fighting with Nerevar, and soon after Nerevar did the same. They were about to head back into town when they were both thirsty and their shoulders were just turning red, when a familiar man came out into the ash, a glare on his face. He recognized the man by his pale hair--Nerevar’s uncle.

“Young lady--” Nelvon Mora snapped, partially covering Nerevar’s body with his ash cloak. “Where is your shirt?!” He was clearly furious, only confusing Voryn more. Nerevar wasn’t a girl--or if she was, Voryn didn’t see what the problem was. It was hot outside, way too warm to be playing around with a shirt on. When his mother took him to Mournhold lots of children played shirtless in the city, running around carefree.

“It’s in my bag.” Nerevar replied, before her uncle dug it out and started wrestling her back in it. “It’s hot--!” Nerevar began fussing, only to get a firm tug on the ear making her yelp.

“You’re a young lady now, you can’t be running around without a shirt on no matter how warm it gets.” Nelvon looked annoyed and disgruntled.

“I said she could.” Voryn spoke up, trying to defend his friend. “I did it first.”

Nerevar’s uncle looked his way, before sighing, still keeping a tight grip on Nerevar’s arm. “I understand, young lord,” Nelvon began, “But you’re a young man. What might be appropriate to you isn’t appropriate for a young lady.”

Voryn didn’t understand what that even meant. If Nerevar was a girl, what did it matter? Why was Voryn allowed to not wear a shirt because he was a boy, but Nerevar wasn’t?

He’d asked his mother afterwards why Nerevar was in trouble for it. His mother only sighed, sitting him on her lap.

“You and Nerevar are nearly at the age your bodies start changing and you begin to grow into adults.” Voryn cocked an eyebrow, confused. “The two of you will grow in different ways, and her uncle just doesn’t want her in the habit by the time the changes start.”

Voryn was still a bit too young to understand, but he nodded his head and didn’t question any further for the time being. From that day on though, Nerevar was given linen and cotton shirts that breathed easier or wrap tops that left her arms exposed. Yet, she seemed more self conscious about them as they were distinctly more feminine.

As they got older, Voryn became interested in romance. He slunk around the library when he had time to himself, pulling the few romance novels off the shelves, reading in the corner. He liked the way they described fluttery feelings, held hands, and professed their love. He liked it more so when it was two men who fell in love, usually in times of war or battle, exchanging blows to measure their hearts.

Voryn really only saw himself kissing and holding hands with another boy, when he fantasized about it. Heirs were supposed to get married and have kids, but the idea of a wife never really appealed to him. He didn’t find himself attracted to the poetic descriptions of princesses in long, flowing dresses and snake-like smiles. He much preferred the raw strength of the warrior-heroes and their rugged looks. Besides, he found it easier to get along with boys, why wouldn’t he want to kiss them too?

Well, there was one exception. His heart always fluttered when he thought about kissing Nerevar, but… Nerevar was different. She wasn’t delicate and feminine, but just as boyish as Voryn. Hell, Nerevar was more boyish than Voryn in many ways, preferring the sword and physical activity, enjoying nothing more than wrestling in the ash and mud with the boys.

“What are you doing?” Nerevar was suddenly at his shoulder while he was deep in thought, causing him to jump and drop his book. Nerevar snickered as he rolled his eyes.

“You’re going to make me lose my place…” He groaned, picking the book back up and trying to get to the previous spot he was at. Nerevar wrapped her arms around his shoulders, practically hanging off him as he flipped through the pages.

“What are you reading?” She asked. Nerevar had learned to read shockingly fast. Her eyes flicked across the words as he skimmed as well, looking for the page he was on.

“It’s a novel about a war between two clans.” Voryn explained. “The main characters are two men who were friends before the fighting broke out and decide to work together to stop it.” Voryn finally found the spot he was at, where the two characters finally confessed, kissing one another in the rain.

“... Two boys can kiss?” Nerevar asked quietly, her eyes wife as though marveling with the revelation.

“... Yeah.” Voryn answered back, his cheeks feeling warm. “Araynys has a boyfriend. And there’s lots of stories like this.”

“Can I read with you?” She asked, and when Voryn nodded his head she got comfortable leaning against him, now just resting her head on his shoulder as they read in silence.

Nerevar’s uncle left her at Kogoruhn. When he asked Nerevar about it, she just shrugged, looking indifferent. It was supposed to be a good opportunity for Nerevar; here she could get a good education and find a good job or husband. At that comment though Nerevar would glare and roll her eyes, proudly declaring she’d never get married.

With her uncle now gone she could cut her hair shorter, at least, something she seemed to really enjoy. With short, choppy hair she looked a lot happier, smiling as bright as the sun.

They’d just finished playing with some of the other children in town and the stronghold. They said they wanted to play a game of capture the princess, but Nerevar, despite being the only girl, refused the role of “princess”. Instead she volunteered Voryn, who was now grumpily sitting in her lap after she spent most of the game running around with him in her arms.

“You always make me the princess…” Voryn grumbled, annoyed. They were just about to be teenagers and here Nerevar was still bossing him around.

“But you’re cute like a princess.” She teased, still with that wolfish grin that made Voryn’s heart race. “Besides, how are you going to pick me up and carry me? It’s way easier for me to carry you.” Voryn rolled his eyes, messing up her hair with his hand, making her laugh more.

“You’re even cuter when your face is red--” She continued, and Voryn glared.

“Shut up.” Voryn could feel his face and ears turning an even brighter shade of red.

“Cute~” Nerevar teased, poking his cheek, and Voryn huffed.

“You’re cute too.” Voryn looked away, still flustered. At that, Nerevar got offended.

“I am not!”

“How am I cute but you aren’t?” Voryn replied, indignant.

“Because I’m not!” Nerevar glared, and Voryn could tell it wasn’t a playful glare. She was actually mad. “I don’t want to be cute!”

Voryn didn’t know why she was mad. Why was it okay to call him cute, but not the other way around?

“Well you’re not ugly,” Voryn scoffed, “What else am I supposed to call you?”

“... I don’t know…” Nerevar’s voice went quiet, her ears drooping slightly.

“... Handsome?” Voryn offered, and Nerevar’s ears perked up again, her cheeks turning red slightly as she looked away. After a moment, she nodded slowly, as if unsure, her hands playing with the hem of Voryn’s shirt.

There was tension in the air again, as was so often the case with the two of them lately. A fluttering feeling came in Voryn’s stomach as he leaned closer. “Doesn’t the princess usually kiss the warrior who rescued her…?” Voryn offered, and Nerevar’s face turned even redder. She nodded again, closing her eyes.

Voryn leaned in, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to Nerevar’s cheek. Nerevar’s arms tightened around him, as Nerevar then turned and returned the favor, kissing Voryn on the cheek in return.

Voryn hadn’t seen Nerevar in three days. Whenever he came by her room, she either pretended to be asleep and refused to answer, or she told him to go away because she didn’t feel well. After long enough of being ignored and feeling helpless, he grabbed the healer who had attended to her and demanded an answer. The healer, seeing his concern, merely laughed, patting Voryn on the shoulder.

“Young lord, please don’t worry too much.” The healer reassured him.

“She hasn’t come out of her room. What’s wrong with her?”

“It’s nothing serious.” The healer answered. “She just got her first period is all.” Voryn blinked, confused. He’d been taught what menstruation was; while some noble families preferred to keep their sons in the dark about such matters, Morvani Dagoth was not that kind of woman. She said it was embarrassing for a man to not know about such matters or find a normal bodily function taboo. It would be humiliating if one of her sons actually managed to marry a woman clueless about what menstruation even was. “A lot of girls are sensitive about it, but I assured her it’s perfectly normal. It just means she’s a young woman now, becoming an adult, but I think she’s still coming to terms with it.” The healer attempted to reassure Voryn. “Don’t worry too much about it.”

Voryn grit his teeth. He knew there had to be more to it. Nerevar wouldn’t get upset about that for no reason. Not to the point she’d refuse to see Voryn. He turned and marched his way back, more furious than ever that the healer wasn’t taking this seriously.

He knocked again, and Nerevar groaned.

“Go away!” She shouted.

“Let me in please.” Voryn asked, now desperate to see her. Normally he’d respect her wishes, but he needed to make sure she was alright.

“I don’t want you to see me…” Nerevar answered, her voice cracking to show she’d been crying. Voryn felt his heart break a little more.

“Wrap up in your blanket?” Voryn offered. “I’m just worried about you… Please?”

There was nothing but silence for a few minutes. Voryn was about to ask again, when he heard Nerevar finally answer him. “Okay…”

Voryn cracked the door open to reveal Nerevar sitting in the dark in bed, wrapped up in a blanket to the point only her face was showing. Her eyes were red and irritated, still sniffling. Nerevar never cried, not even when injured, so Voryn was really worried now.

“You don’t want to come out?” Voryn closed the door behind him, moving to sit beside Nerevar. Nerevar shook her head.

“I hate this…” Nerevar’s shoulders began to shake, another sob coming from her throat. Voryn wrapped his arms around her without thinking, pulling her in close and keeping the blanket wrapped around her. “My stomach hurts… My chest hurts…”

“That’s all normal.” Voryn tried to reassure her. “Do you want some medicine for the pain?”

“I don’t want it to be normal!” Nerevar snapped. “I don’t…” Tears ran down faster as she buried her face in Voryn’s robes. “I don’t want them to call me a woman. I don’t wanna be a girl! I don’t like that my body is doing this when I don’t even want it to and I can’t do anything about it!” Voryn stiffened. It was the first he’d heard of it, though the rest of Nerevar’s behavior over the years seemed to click for Voryn. The boyish charm, short hair, insisting on not playing pretend as a girl, not to mention the fact Voryn liked boys and liked Nerevar for all the same reasons he liked boys usually… “I just want to be like Boethia… He can be a man whenever he wants to even if people call him a girl. I wanna be like that…”

“You can be.” Voryn reassured him now, holding him closer. “Nerevar you can be, I promise.”

“I want a deeper voice like yours…” Nerevar’s tears were stopping now at the reassurance at least, now nuzzling against him. “And a flat chest…”

“I’ve read a few books like that.” Voryn stroked the white, fluffy hair now peaking out from the blanket.

“R…Really?” Nerevar asked, still too nervous to look up at him.

“Yes,” Voryn answered. “One was a Boethia cultist who was born a man. She went to Boethia and prayed to be a girl, so Boethia transformed her in a rainstorm of blood.” He explained. “Another was a man who asked Mephala how to change his body and she taught him the alteration magic needed.” Now Nerevar was looking up at him, eyes wide with wonder. “I can call a mage here if you want.”

“Really?” Nerevar sat up more, the blanket now falling down his shoulders. Seeing how excited he was, Voryn couldn’t help but smile.

“Of course,” Voryn ruffled his hair, before wrapping the blanket back around him for comfort. “I’ll tell Mother right away, and ask them to come quickly.”

Nerevar wrapped his arms tightly around Voryn, holding him close.

“Thank you,” He mumbled into Voryn’s shoulder. “I… I mean it…” Ah, Nerevar was crying again, this time in what seemed to be relief. Voryn stroked his head, holding him back. “Thank you so much…”

“It’s no problem, Nerevar.” Voryn closed his eyes, nuzzling against him, “I just want you to be happy.”

#nerevar #indoril nerevar #voryn dagoth #nerevoryn #projecting my gender feelings onto nerevar again #my writing #ill prob continue this

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alumort · 19 days

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Ao3

HIYA so i havent been promoting new fics here bc.. i forgor.. but i rlly like this one

exploring nejis mental illness through fic /hj (nejilee exes that later date while shikalee married, polyam moment... but that wont happen until maany chapters go on XD)

Hope you enjoy (if u do id love to read your thoughts on this... ty....)

He was on the battlefield, protecting his cousin from a certain death– fulfilling his role as a Side branch member at last, following his destiny that no matter how hard he tried to fight, Neji knew well it was just bound to happen one day.

He had received the attack for her, no matter what his fate would be. All the boy knew is that it would still be way better than what the Main branch would do to him, had they known that he didn’t die for one of the heiresses…

Neji fell to the ground, body going numb in mere seconds. He could see blood escaping from where the wooden stakes had hit him, and from his mouth– he was dying, and there was nothing to do to avoid it.

“NEJI!” a familiar voice screamed, and he was held in someone's arms– Lee was crying while holding him, lips shaking as he spoke.

But Neji couldn’t hear whatever it was that his boyfriend said, for his ears were ringing too loudly to even let him think; all he knew was that he would die soon, see his father once more after so many years…

And he closed his eyes, awaiting for the sweet peace of death, knowing he could do nothing to avoid his fate. Even if he survived somehow, his Clan wouldn’t allow him to live freely, forcing him to marry a woman he didn’t even know just for appearance’s sake.

Not being able to be with Lee… it was better just to die in his arms, to wait for him on the other side.

His eyes soon saw a bright light, and Neji knew it was time to go. Though his head hurt afterwards, and his eyes seemed to open on their own, as if waking up from a long, long nap. He felt exhausted as hell. The brunet just wanted to go back to sleep once more, so comfortable on his bed that he didn't want to wake up at all; He was tired. Why couldn't he just go and rest for a bit longer? Although his body probably wouldn't allow it, knowing himself. His back hurt a lot.

Much less when the boy could feel two people around him, judging by how little his senses could tell him– a familiar chakra accompanied by someone unknown, though neither of them had any kind of malicious intent.

“Papa, I think he's awake,” he heard one of them say, and only then did the brunet open an eye again, enough to see but to not be affected by the light. “Um– good morning, Neji.”

Another voice chuckled at this, and it wasn’t someone he didn’t know; rather, it was different… Deeper, somehow. Changed.

“Metal, he has been asleep for a decade, I do not think he will–”

And then he saw it– the same face he had fallen in love with, albeit more tired, older… shocked to be able to look at his eyes, as if it was an oddity of sorts.

Lee immediately went towards him, a clear confusion in his face as he analyzed the situation, unable to believe it at all. Neji tried to speak but only a weak cough was able to escape from his lips, and no matter how hard he tried he wasn't able to even lift an arm. His body was too tired, deteriorated for some reason he couldn't understand.

Though, if what Lee had said was true… that would mean he had been in a coma for a long, long time. No wonder his muscles had gotten atrophied due to not being used at all for years.

Of course. Ten years had passed, and he hadn't moved a single millimeter of his body.

“Neji?! You are– you woke up! It has been so long!” his boyfriend said, and Neji could tell he was trying to hold back tears; careful as always, Lee attempted to hold his hands, still not comprehending what was going on but joyful nonetheless. “Oh, Neji, we thought you would never– but you woke up!”

“But– but I told you he would do it!” Metal chimed in with a pout, crossing his arms against his chest.

Now that the brunet could get a better view of his companions, he realized Lee had a beautiful ring on one of his fingers, and that the small boy was… pretty much a copy of him, albeit with some changes. Neji felt his head hurting due to the mix of confusion and shock, and not being able to say anything only agitated him more.

Of course. Life had gone on, an entire decade had passed, and Lee continued with his life. Anyone would have in his place, yet… Neji felt a pang in his heart.

“L… love,” he managed to mumble after long, long seconds, and Lee just… let go of his hands, denying with his head at the mention of the nickname.

Metal was the most confused out of the three now, looking from one adult to the other for answers without saying anything at all.

“Neji, I– I never imagined I would speak with you again. I am married, and I have children now,” the taijutsu master replied, looking away. His son observed the situation in silence, looking a bit anxious now. “Shikamaru and I… it just happened. We can still be friends, but that is it.”

He had been expecting it, yet Lee's words didn't hurt less; Neji felt his heart shattering in pieces on the spot, lips trembling– he looked away, not really in the mood to look his now-ex in the eyes anymore. Only wanting to be swallowed by the thin hospital blanket covering his body.

“... fine,” Neji muttered, feeling tears threatening to go out, though he just inhaled to calm himself down and… repress them, as usual.

“I will help you with whatever you need to heal, alright? I probably need to call the nurse… but you will not be alone on this, Neji. I will make sure of that!” Lee added in an attempt to cheer him up, though the brunet wasn't listening anymore.

He felt alone, anyways, with his mind stuck years in the past. Not even his companion's bright smile managed to fill the newfound hole in his heart– and honestly, he just wanted to rest, close his eyes and fall into the same deep slumber he had just gotten out of.

His fate had always been the worst, and it was clearer with every passing day. It would've been better if he had just died during the war– that way, Neji would've never seen Lee moving on without him, he wouldn't be struggling with his lack of movements and newfound weakness.

It was a torture. His boyfriend– ex, was so close yet so far, and the doctors immediately went to help him recover as fast as they could. Sakura personally was supervising his case no matter how complicated being the Hokage and the Head Doctor was at the same time, wanting to heal him as possible.

But it was complicated– he had no reason to heal, after all. So why bother? Neji didn't feel any kind of enthusiasm about getting out of the hospital, knowing well he would be alone again, unable to even walk on his own because of his damaged muscles… he hated how slow he had become, not only in his movements but also in reading.

His brain had forgotten certain words and phrases, and kanji was not an easy task anymore. Neji didn't like going back to the beginning, even if the doctors said it was good for him.

He should've just died. That would've been more merciful, but fate had never been kind. Of course it would keep him alive, solely to play with his feelings… he should've expected it.

#naruto #naruto shippuden #neji hyuga #rock lee #metal lee

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therealpontius · 1 year

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Just for tonight…

Plot: your 3yr long relationship ended abruptly, can it be saved?

Warnings: body shaming/ sickness/ cursing/ breakup/ loneliness/ no smut

This is pt1 it ended up being longer than i thought, im not sure if i like this so much but im exited to write pt2. FEEDBACK IS APPRECIATED

Wordcount: 2.4k

Part 2

"Your supposed to be my boyfriend! You never stick up for me!" Was your last words to your boyfriend, bam, 6 years ago now. You bad been sitting in aprils living room with bam, showing him the pictures you took of him on your camera when his friends all came in, his arm that was wrapped around you was whipped back to his side before his friends where in sight "yo!" They collectively shout "hey fatties here!" Dico laughed. You where bigger, not alot but definitely not as small as them. You sarcastically laughed at his joke once and ever since hes been saying it thinking it amused you, bam knew other wise though but still laughed along. Raab sat playing with a heavy football, kicking it around the place. You tried to hold bams hand but he wormed his away from you "hey chub chub catch!" Raab shouted to you, you turned round just in time for it to hit your nose full force with a crunch "fuck!" Instead of helping you they all laughed, a stream of blood coming out your nose "bam help!" "I um..." "BAM HELP ME" you screamed, the boys continued laughing. You just ran to the door, holding your nose still."Your supposed to be my boyfriend! You never stick up for me!" You shouted slamming the door shut.

Three years gone like that. No calls. No texts. Nothing...

Now you where 21, had your own small apartment in delaware. You played electric guitar at a nearby pub every weekend. Eyes still silently searching crowds for him and you hated yourself for it, he didnt even care about you so why did you still care about him?

You where headed back to west chester to visit your parents, your mom had grown really ill. The journey was three hours long and you tried to distract yourself from the overwhelming tiredness with music, it was 9am. The streets became familiar as you neared your birth town, you had missed it more than imagined.

"Mom? Dad?" You asked, opening the front door to your childhood home "sweetie!" You dad welcomed you with a warm hug, something you havent felt in too long "cmon moms in the living room" he said, leading you by your shoulder. You where met with a frail and pale looking woman, nothing like the mom you once knew. Instead of freaking out infront of her you ran to give her a hug "sweetie, dont worry. Ive had a hell of a life" she spoke softly to lighten your mood "i know mom i just wish i could do something to help you" "well..." she pulled away from you "you could pop to the shops, your dads too lazy" she laughed, rolling her eyes "sure thing! Write a list and ill head out as soon as"

You headed to the local aldi, the one with the skate park that you took loads of pictures of bam in. You ignored any thought of him, your here for your mom. 40 minutes later you where out the shop with four bags full. Looking back at the skate park on the small walk back to the car saddened you, the memories you had there, you spent more than half of your life there. "OH SHIT" you screamed, falling on your side. You had been hit by something and you werent sure what but all you knew was that the laughs that now surrounded you where painfully familiar "oh fuck! Dude are you okay?" Oh shit.. thats bam. You kept your head on the ground hoping it would just suck you in "um yeah im fine" you sat up, seeing all the boys you once grew up with gather your groceries and bam holding his hand out to you "look we are filming a show, ill pay you in cash for any hassle is that okay?" What the fuck was he on about, he didnt even recognised you. You face flushed as he held your hand, pulling you up "hey is that fattie?" Dico says making all the boys squint at you "holy shit... chub chub..." raab gasps "yeah, you found me out" you laughed awkwardly, hands coming up in fake surrender. Bam stood, jaw open slightly "well it was good seeing you!" You said, taking you bags back, a big hand grabbed your arm "ill come with, boys heres my keys. Ill see you later" "bam..." you rolled your eyes, both of you walking toward your car "you cant just do that bam" "yes i can?"

You both get into your car and he sighs "so? Where the fuck have you been?" You can admit, he had got a bit more bratty than the last time you saw him "tone it down on the bitchyness you dont need to impress anyone here. I moved to delaware, i got a job and a house" he scoffed "delaware is shit" "how would you know bambam?" Both your faces shocked at the nickname "did you just call me bambam? You havent called me that in ages" he blushed slight "so anyways. Why did you leave me?" You rolled your eyes, why is he so quizitive? "bam look not right now okay?" "No tell me" "fine. You never stuck up for me EVER your friends would bully me all the time. Everytime they where near you would reject even going near me." A tinge of guilt shadowed his face "look im a changed person, i was eighteen then" "yeah and so was i, i would've done that to you. Bam we dated for th-" "where you going?" You where taken back by his butting in "um my moms?" "Great i havent seen her in ages… well what are you waiting for?" You reluctantly started the car GOD WHY AM I STILL DOING THINGS FOR HIM

Before the engine could even start bam was looking in the storage bits of the car "where the fuck is my h.i.m cd?!" "Its in you dipshit" you pressed the play button and the music started, bam froze in confusion "oh... you actually listen to them?" You nod silently, driving out the parking lot "sweet..." he mumbles. Something about his company wasnt unwanted, it felt natural and... happy? "I kinda missed you, y/n." He spoke, like he was embarrassed. "I missed you too bam". He got more comfortable, headbanging the way he always did making you giggle "your really looking good bam" "you too y/n, are we almost there?" "Very close, something i should probably tell you first" he raised his brow, stopping his small rave "what?" "My mums really ill, thats why im back home" "oh shit..."

You purposely get out of the car before bam, speed walking to your door "there you are! Thought u popped your clogs for a min-" "dad, someone decided to tag along me" "hey brian!" Bam greeted him with a smile, holding all your shopping bags. your dads face dropped. Your dad didnt like bam, he thought he was a 'bad example' if anything "hello brandon" he says through gritted teeth, standing aside for you both to make your way in "hey princess, long time no see!" However, your mom had always been a fan, he always flattered her "bam! Nice seeing you son!" Bam had walked into the kitchen with the bags, he knew his way around the house too well. You followed behind him, helping putting the groceries away "its weird seeing you being responsible" "me? Well you know, im just trying to make it easier for your mom" he spoke, head in the freezer putting the icecream away "it means the world to us bam thankyou" he gets up with a genuine smile you missed with your whole soul on his face "princess do you need anything in?" He shouts to your mum "all i need is a catch up from you m'love" "im great with women what can i say" he winks at you, making his way into the living room.

Four hours of bam talking about jackass, the new show he had coming up and relentless questions from your dad had passed. It had became clear that ur dad didnt really hate bam as much as he used to *KNOCK KNOCK* you stood up "ill get that!" You opened the door to ryan, novak, raab, dico and frantz looking at you like lost children "is bam here?" Novak asked "yeah hes just-" all the boys pushed by you into your living room where bam sat with a cup of tea laughing with your mom "bam we have been looking for you like crazy!" Ryan says, nodding a hello to your mom and dad "ryan please leave" you asked impatiently "its okay fattie mcfat fat we are talking to bam" dico said in his best ‘intelligent’ voice, your dad got annoyed at his comment, knowing how youve been struggling with your weight as a child "get out! Out!" He shouts, the boys running out like a flock of scared sheep. You met them out of the door "stop calling me that!" "But you think its funny?" "Ive never found it funny! Its fucking upsetting, just leave. My mums ill and shes happy around bam. Im sure you can deal without him for a little" "yeah lets go guys, sorry for the hassle" ryan apologised, all of them walking away.

You open your door to bam putting on his jacket "im so sorry about that david" "its okay brandon. We will see you later" you dad walked back to the living room and left you and bam im the hall way "im so sorry for that y/n" you shook your head "its fine call me" you slipped your number into his hands and he left with a beaming smile.

The next day u heard absolutely nothing from bam, your phone firm in your hand but not a single message went through. You helped your mum stay comfy, fix the heating for her, make her cups of tea and she was forever grateful "sunshine? Wheres bam?" Sunshine was a nickname bam and your mom had given you that you hadnt heard in too long "i dont know mom, he hasnt called" you tried to hide how disappointed you where "thats a shame, i found a show me mightve liked"

12am arrived and you sat in your childhood bedroom, looking at your phone as if itwould suddenly beep on. But it didnt. Instead of getting all hung up over him again you stuck on the cky disk that lay ndxt to your cd player quietly.

1am *tink* you heard a little noise but ignored it *tink* *tink* what the fuck? You looked round your room for the small noise *TINK* it sounded from your window and you opened your blinds, bam and ryan stood how they always did at the bottom, you opened your window and stuck your head out "what are you? Children?" "Yeah, we are coming up" you watched as the two climbed up on the small roof, helping eachother out. You grabbed onto ryans clammy hand to help him and he helped bam in "cky? Awesome!" Ryan said loudly, walking to the cd player "ryan shut the fuck up my parents are home" "what are you? A child?" You smacked his head with the back of your hand. Ryan was like the cousin you would only see occasionally. Bam lay in your bed behind you, you felt like you had two toddlers twaddling around all curious "sorry y/n i cant stay for long, bam told me not to" ryan said looking back at you both, the light against his face showing his growing facial hair "that wasnt the excuse we practiced pube face" bam groaned "whaaat? Im forgetful remember?" Ryan said sarcastically, they went on like a married couple too often.

30 minutes later, ryan was leaving out the window leaving only you and bam "this room hasnt changed at all" He spoke taking your attention away from the window where you watched ryan walk back to his house "i havent been in it for 5 years, you laughed, looking around "what happened to the camera?" "The camera? OH" you searched under your bed for the professional camera that you had gotten with your own money in the 90s, coated in dust "i retired her alittle" you laughed. Bam put his arm around you the way he always did when you would show him the pictures and held you close. The pictures loaded up as you went through them, the occasional funny ones or ones where he fell appeared.

They brought you back to that point in your life when you would run away with him, drinking in abandoned skateparks and annoying the locals. 'Outlaws' , 'misfits' they called you. You laughed in their faces, so unaware of what was to come.

"god these are so good" he laughed, eventually you came across a picture of you two kissing and skipped by it quickly "hey what was that?" Bam laughed, skipping back "wow shes gorgeous i wonder where she is now" he nudged you "SHE is? Have you saw him?" You nudged him back "y/n?" "Yes bam bam?" "Can i kiss you?" Your face flushed and you looked at him supprised, instead of answering you kissed him, his warm hand coming up to cradle your face. You didnt want to have sex with him, you didnt need to. All you wanted was to feel whole again with him, the feeling of having him near was all you wanted "i missed you" you whispered, bringing your head down onto his shoulder "why didnt you call or visit me after i left you?" He brought his arms around you "i was scared" "scared?" "I didnt want to admit that i was a shitty boyfriend" “did you even think of contacting me?” “No… im sorry. I was a naive child” “so was i” he planted a gentle kiss on your forehead “so when are you going back?” “Tomorrow..." "tomorrow ?!" He freaks out grabbing your hands and pulling away from the hug "why are you leaving me so soon" you laugh alittle "bam i have a job, a house" "friends?" Your face drops.

Maybe delaware wasnt a bad place to live in but god you where fucking lonley. Day after day after day you would wake up in a double bed alone hoping that somehow you would wake up in the warm embrace of him.

"i dont need friends" "y/n cmon, you got a good thing here in westchester" bam brought your hands up to his face as he looked deep into your eyes “bam its not that simple, i cant just give up my life” “well tonight im going to make up for being so shitty. Get your shit together we are going”

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