#i haven't even specifically told more than two of my friends bc they know i like girls but they don't specifically know

[svnflowermoon]

i feel so bad bc i came out to my mum two years ago and i still haven't told anyone else in my family :(

#luc posts #like i WANT to tell them i really do but i just cant????? #like i feel like i should have told them by now? #i haven't even specifically told more than two of my friends bc they know i like girls but they don't specifically know #like one of my friends knows basically EVERYTHING bc i feel super safe with her and shes going through a lot of the same stuff with gender + #+ and aspec stuff so i tell them everything but then i just havent told half of my best friends? #like i didnt even tell anyone about my gf last year bc i was scared to come out AND NOW one of them doesn't trust me anymore bc she thinks + #+i dont want to tell her and ahhh its so annoying like I KNOW theres no timeframe but it feels like there is #luc vents

[soahbee]

Okay, this day was such a teen rom-com!!!🤧

After the exam, my friends and I usually discussed the assignments, but I was wildly looking for R and the philosophy teacher. (let's call him M) obviously bc I was curious, he really is as handsome as my friend said on the phone yesterday. Bc of course I didn't really notice other teachers besides R. So after my friends went for coffee, I went to spy and literally hid behind one of the big plants from where I could spy on the corridor where the philosophy classes were held.

I tried not to be suspicious, but I don't think I even noticed myself, I was so focused on seeing that certain handsome teacher. Are there seriously any teachers here who are as hot as R? I doubt! I have to see him, you know, and you have to concentrate on that!! lol

and now come the comedy girls *movie scene*

I was trying to peek, a direct question "What are you doing?" suddenly came from behind me and I was sooooo scared that a "Jesus fuck" left my mouth. YES, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I SAID.💀 I think everyone can guess that my extremely hot teacher R was standing behind me, (so who else obviously…) who made such a surprised face. I was completely taken aback by his voice, and I told him that you "scared me" and he looked at me in confusion and then asked:

"What are you doing behind the bush?"

I simply answered: "I'm spying" As if it was the most natural thing in the world and I could see that he was a little confused, so I decided to initiate, and then I asked him to come closer, bc I didn't want anyone else to hear us.

✨Now there were two of us standing behind the bush, which was damn unsuspicious✨ (of course STUPID)

I told him that I only wanted to see the philosophy teacher, but how could I say that in a way that wouldn't be misunderstood??????? NOT POSSIBLE. So I could see R's face getting more and more grim as I whispered fiercely to him like an idiot teenager then he asked:

"Why are you spying on M?

I to be honest with him, so I told him that a couple of my friends think M looks good and I just want to make sure.

Actually, I knew very well that there was nothing to react to this, so when R just stared at me in amazement, I told him to forget it was such a girly thing. Then our awkward situation was finally interrupted by the end of class and the students were just coming out of the room, and I remember very well that when I wanted to hide behind the bush, R grabbed my shoulder and specifically pushed me away from the bush while saying softly:

"Haven't you seen spy movies? No one hides so conspicuously"

At that point I had to laugh, and I'm still laughing now as I write this to you girls, bc yes, it was so funny, even though He wasn't laughing at all, in fact, he was very serious. But ahh he grabbed my shoulder (awwww) Then M finally came out and guys I have to say, this man is really good looking. Of course, R will always be my first, I just thought I'd give my opinion. So, after quickly analyzing the man, I turned back to R, who I think I shocked with my scene, but before I could open my mouth, he was faster and said:

"I don't think I want to know but I'll ask anyway. So what do you think he looks like?"

I never thought that I would talk to another teacher with him as if we were best friends, but looking back now, it's even funnier than it was then. He seemed to be interested in my opinion, so I told him that the girls were right, and upon closer inspection, M really looks good. I thought he would think me was childish bc of the whole situation, bc when I was hiding behind the bush, he cut his head like that. But now it's like he's making the same face, only with different emotions, which I don't know what it was, but it's definitely different. Then he folded his arms in front of him again and then I noticed my bracelet on him and oh my goodness I was so happy for him that I had to grin at him. YES, THAT'S MY BRACELET! WEAR MY BRACELET!🎉 I jumped for joy inside, but then he spoke:

"But he's not too old?"

My mind was completely elsewhere, so at first I didn't understand who was old, but then YES *good morning* I realized that M was still the topic, bc I was the only one who wandered off for a few seconds.

So I quickly snapped: "like you?"

It was sooo funny to see that R coming after me in the hallway telling me not to say he looks 50 years old. he immediately started explaining to me that He is not old at all and that M is about 45+ years old etc etc. 😭😭😭

So that was the point of the day and obviously not that I survived my exam anyway. Bahahhhaha 🙈

#tc community #tc crush #teacher crush #teacher crush community #tcc tumblr #my tc #tc love #male tc #tcc #teacher love #age g4p #girlblogging #just girly posts #story time #male teacher #teacher x student #my teacher #tc diary #my diary #dear diary #digital diary

[namimikan]

answer me, my prince-esque hitsukarin would be so cute tho.

set during the timeskip, where toushirou and karin haven't met and become friends.

but essentially, urahara gives both toushirou and karin a box, telling them to write in them and a miracle might happen. this box allows them to write letters to each other, and it goes undetected by soul society security. the catch: it has to be handwritten!

and so, they unknowingly become penpals, and get to know each other intimately that way. revealing thoughts to each other that they wouldn't have said otherwise, at least at first.

maybe it's more gen/friendshippy, so it's an outlet for their stress at the start. this is how it begins, toushirou wishing he could confide in someone while he tries to repair his friendship with momo, and how to handle his guilt in stabbing her. karin deciding to close herself off, now that she's taken on ichigo's duties, but still wishing she could have a rukia like ichigo, so she feels less alone, bc she doesn't have a friend group like her big brother does, who can see supernatural things, and they don't want her in their fights against hollows. but she finds herself wishing she could talk to someone about these ghosts/hollows she talks to.

and in these letters, unfolds the snark and teasing, the gentle advice, and miscommunication from not understanding tone. the worry in being like. why aren't they responding tonight? did something happen? the looking forward to receiving the responses, the wishing that they could see the expression on each other's faces. to feeling understood, and laughing quietly at in-jokes. the almost writing i wish i could see you in person, and toushirou planning booked holiday leave eventually so he can visit her. the way they start off guarded, before realizing how it's freeing to open up to a stranger-turned-friend. to realize, belately, that they've fallen for each other when they haven't even seen each other.

there's a moment, they think, when they could exchange numbers, and hear each other's voices, and then, bc they're young and foolish, they resist that instinct, bc they've build up such a good letter writing rapport, that prefer they stick to the old fashioned format instead.

(and maybe matsumoto and yuzu sneak in and write some mischievous letters as well, hoping for some matchmaking to happen, bc whoever is on the other side of the box, well -- they're definitely making the person on this side happier. and they're curious!)

there's an awkward pause, when they finally meet, months after their first letter to each other, and things are... better for them. less of a issue. hinamori has recovered, and their friendship has healed; karin's come to terms with talking to ghosts, feels less burdened by taking up the mantle ichigo left for her. and they've told each other what they look like, said they'd wear specific items so it's impossible not to recognize each other. but then karin, says, jeez, there's no way you're a captain when you look like an elementary student! and toushirou snarks right back at her, you're a lot shorter than i expected too! and then suddenly, they're smiling and laughing, bc it's comfortable and familiar, everything sliding into place, and they just wonder why they didn't do this sooner?

so what was the miracle?, karin and toushirou ask urahara later, eating ice cream bc they only meant to stop by for a minute. miracle? urahara echoes, playing coy. what miracle? you two are a date, why are you asking me useless questions? go enjoy yourselves and be happy!

(we're not on a date! they reply, blushing, but they're not fooling anybody.)

#onion sprouting text #hitsukarin #the miracle is that they fell in love <3 #idk how the webtoon finishes and there's timetravel somehow involved but the letters are SO cute ngl #the pining as they live their day-to-day lives wondering about each other... *chef's kiss*

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

MORE QUESTIONS

what other fandoms do you enjoy outside of ASOIAF?

Lmao, the big list of Things Misa Enjoys

I very much enjoy anime & manga. I got infected with those brain worms back in high school, & they simply will not leave. Particularly into Sailor Moon, which I haven't stopped thinking about since 1999, (I have OCs for that & a fic I'm gonna one day sit down & plot out beyond This Is The Vibe. I have a few things floating around in my brain, but I just haven't made the time to do anything with it. Maybe since I'm at reception for 6 hours I'll do that 🤷🏻‍♀️) & JoJo's (I also have OCs for this one, but no fic. I do have a homebrewed ttrpg system to run a JoJo's campaign with, though. But I need to finish statting enemy Stand Users & some character design. Also it's not a priority because I have an asoiaf campaign trilogy to finish running). I don't read or watch anything with the quickness, so I haven't watched a ton of newer anime or made that much of a dent in my reading of Berserk, but I do enjoy both newer stuff and Berserk. I even have a couple figures from Demon Slayer, which is probably my favorite newer series? It feels very nostalgic to the series I grew up watching.

I was into the Netflix Witcher series, but I haven't been able to bring myself to finish season 3. No amount of Joey Batey tits or confirmed pansexual Jaskier can really build my hype back up when I've heard the last bit of s3 sucked & I know I probably won't watch season 4. I have collected all but the last book of short stories though, so once I've worked through more of my books I need to give a fair shake before donating I plan to start those & get into The Witcher proper.

The Elder Scrolls is very good & fun, & I know the plots of all the mainline games even though I've only ever actually played Skyrim to completion. I have...I have so many OCs for that. And a fic I'm slowly working on that tells the story of the Dawnguard DLC by way of Lapsed Viglant Of Stendarr & Werewolf Vampire Hunter Are Forcibly Adopted As Serana's New Parents (and also I am confirming Serana as, like, eternally 19 because she feels very teenagery/early 20s-y to me). Fun fact: two of my current very close friends (my Platonic Wife included) were made by way of TES (and then another friend was introduced to me by a TES friend). So, thanks for your service, Todd Howard. Y'know, I guess.

It feels very "What are your hobbies? / Magnets." to say, but, like, dolls in general. I've collected porcelain dolls since I was little (but that collection got pared down massively when I moved from Texas), & I'm currently working through a clean/restore/dress/display of my old Bratz dolls. I've also dropped real adult money on dolls to (out of box, bc it sparks joy) display in my apartment. Specifically the Sasha (my best girl) Rock Angelz repro I waited almost a full year to see drop, Heather Greyson from Shadow High, & The Pride Bratz (I had a giftcard). I need to finish cleaning my old Bratz before I drop money on more though. So I know my shelving situation, lmao.

I am not not into Dragon Age, but I also complain about it all the time. I refuse to engage with it in a multimedia way. What I cannot learn by playing the games/have told to me in those games is simply not for me to know. Just...the way the franchise is handled & how it feels very obvious that Bioware wants to tell an incredibly specific story (while still allowing for character creation?), all the lore decisions they're making that feel like retcons/throw away everything I got invested in early (hello the dwarves & the dalish & Alistair's everything), & the increasing non-optional nature of the comics & books...it brings my blood to boil. The games are fun though! I have fun playing the games! And my personal Warden/Hawke/Inquisitor trios can be pried from my cold, dead hands!

I'm gonna be real, I know much more about Th Old World Of Darkness than Vampie v5, but I am into Vampire The Masquerade. This is, again, a "I have learned everything in bursts of hyperfixation that last a varying length of time," but I would very much like to take one of my two special vampire boys out for a spin one day. Because they're there! They exist & they are appropriately melodramatic, & I love them. Evil, fucked up, Hecata thug & flouncy, Catholic For The Aesthetic Toreador music producer my beloveds 💕

#ask #im also casually into batman & the flash #and star trek #but not enough to really make NOTE y'know

[moe-broey]

HIGHLIGHTS.

> Someone w a bandana covering their entire face/head w punk pants VERY QUICKLY dashed down the sidewalk shouting "NO COPS AT PRIDE" and such and like everyone around them INCLUDING myself joined in like "YEAH FUCK COPS" "FIRST PRIDE WAS A RIOT" "GET THEIR ASS" <- from me specifically and there. Was a VERY pretty tgirl in a white dress and battle vest we kind of shared glances seconds before this and GOD I WISH. I WISH remembered exactly what she said but something about how a cop something something is still a pig and she had a big communism flag draped around her shoulders and for a second I think I fell in love. Maybe besides the point though it was just ALL so reassuring actually and epic and cool waiting in line for french fries

> THWRE WERE ACTUALLY??? SO MANY PUNK PEOPLE ACTUALLY?????? I'm not sure if it was just more on my radar now bc well. You know *vaguely gestering at all of me* but it was so fucking cool. Like holy shit there ARE punks in [redacted]

> Very glam moment where me and my sister tried desperately to figure out how we're going to eat our french fries when it's raining and we're carrying umbrellas and we just. Were squatted and hunched over on the (wet) grass using One umbrella as a table sort of while I tried to balance the other umbrella when I'm already struggling to stay steady anyway and I'm carrying a purse (did not help w balancing the umbrella). To eat our fries with ketchup. So primal

> Only One (1) cop at pride! Still too many but it is much better than last year I don't know what the fuck was up last year. That pride was so cursed and evil

> I got! A lot of compliments!! On my jacket :)

> I. HAD AN ENCOUNTER. WITH AN OLD FRIEND AND IT WAS SO WILD like we haven't been in touch in years I met them in middle school we had an EXTREMELY funny Thing that lasted for like One Day bc we were the only "girls" we knew who were having sexuality troubles and questions and we held hands Once and boldly told everyone we were dating and then like. We both backed out quickly HAHAHA but it was enough to brand us as Lesbians (derogatory middle schooler voice of our peers) and we've had fated encounters at pride events ever since, somehow. Even after I moved. Stars aligned for us to always be two ships passing in the night whenever there's a pride event HAHAHAHA (IT WAS SO NICE TO SEE THEM THOUGH it WAS like seeing a ghost I'm honestly so shocked we recognized each other immediately. It was so good 🥲)

> oughh... I just felt. Emotional. Like. I did feel this sort of air of tenseness, almost somberness, but it was so subtle. More strongly there was just so much fighting spirit, I think. We're here, we're queer, we're not going anywhere. I also just felt joy in the air, too. It was so nice.

> OH MY GOSH HOW COULD I FORGET....... just little interactions from the people who were marching as my sister and I were right up close but just watching the parade. Like, there was a roller derby float and I was like "YOOO Roller Derby...." and one of the people (IN SKATES!) was like, "Yeah tryouts are next week!!!" AND. AND. MY FAVE INTERACTION MAYBE was a lil old lady actively knitting as she marched and she said to me "You should learn how to knit :)" and just kept walking. While knitting. And you know what she is SO right I've wanted to learn how to knit for years.......

> I did have to leave p much as soon as the parade was done bc of overstimulation but, as we were on our way out. I was talking to my sister and I was like "Yeah good pride! Only thing though that's kind of a bummer is that there were no kinksters.... it's sad and concerning where ARE they" AND. LITERALLY. Dude in front of us turns around Wearing A Pup Mask and was like "YEAH RIGHT?!?!?" HAHAHAHA we had a very enthusiastic conversation it was SO funny and also. Just really heartwarming actually? Like yeah. We're all still here. Even if it's just a few. Or even just one. Still here.

Anyways peace amd love on planet earth there is strength in community and you're not alone. Even if you feel like a feral kitten that needs to be socialized or perhaps a hermit that lives in a secluded tower, you're not alone and there are people like you. Closer than you think 🫡

#brain mush now yhis is my final message to the world.... goodby e 🫡👍👍

[dianagj-art]

i love your fem! hiccup art!!! could you talk more about the betrothal au?? (specifically hiccup and asher)

THANK YOU!! And YES!! What haven't I got to say about these two idiots

Basically the two had have a crush on eachother since they were young teens, so like on the first httyd movie events. None said anything. Asher was the one who tried to mave a move later on (aka. The kiss at the end of the movie, the kiss on Snoggletog, and the kiss on one of the riders of Berk/defenders of Berk episode, I don't remember whitch one) but Hiccup never did anything else but blush bc basically she just thought Asher was being cocky. He was not.

As time passed and they grew to be friends, their crushes got kinda forgoten until rtte events. Asher is the first one to relize his feelings, Hiccup is too oblivious to notice her own feelings. And Asher is now trapped in your typical "I don't want to say anything bc it would ruin our friendship" situation, except he does tries a few times pre-events of the fanfic. But Hiccup either gets distracted by a dragon or just Asher's words goes over her head and doesn't get is an actual confession.

For the games, Berkians are going to introduce Dragon Racing to the other tribes atending, and to a new-ish way to play it, where instead of 5 dragons it's 5 teams playing, so it's more riders on the sky, more dangerous, and also more fun. The gang were going to compete, and Asher had already made up his mind to tell Hiccup how he feels and ask her out after they win.

But this never happens, bc since her hand is being "offered" on the games, she is not allowed to play. And she tells her friends she is not going to participate in any game and gives no other explanation. Its not until Stoick anounces that her hand is being played for that they know why she had been acting strange the last few days.

And Asher enters in a panic. A few of other Hooligans apoint themselves for her hand, (from a group that's a few years older than them), they had already been told that the other tribes are bringing their own suitors and my boy Asher raises up to win her hand too. (that's pretty much how the fic starts)

But Hiccup is too mad with the whole situation to notice "huh, maybe those things he had said where we are alone had a deeper meanng to it" or "wait, he likes me?" and instead just thinks that every single person that is going to play for her hand is just an oportunist who wants an status bust. After all, she is the next chief of Berk, and whoever maries her, will get that title too.

And some of them are doind it just for the status it'll give them, but some other are acutally people who like her. But we are not talking about them.

With Asher, things are a little more complicated, and her anger goes stronger. Because he is her friend and how dares him doing this??? To her!!! He knewher feelings to an agranged maridge like this!! All the gang did! And now he's doing one of the things she spites the most!!!

Anyways Hiccup is pissed, Asher thinks he fucked up and she'll be mad with him for life.

Things happen and Hiccup, the other heirs of the tribes, the gang and the rest of the suitors are strandled alone on a broken ship, without dragons, on the Ship Graveyard. All courtesy of Viggo.

As they try to get out of there and have their dragons back, Hiccup finally gets to actually spend time with the suitors and to know them. She realices she was wrong about some of them, and even when the time was short, she got to know A LOT about them.

Then the adults show up, and they gater to make a better plan to get the dragons. Hiccup and Stoick have a talk alone, Hiccup tells him some of the boys aren't actually so bad and spends some time just talking about them, some good things some bad things then…

Hiccup rants about how in the last day he keept her focused on what was important, and supported her on her desitions, but didn't shy away to argue. But when everyone started to see who was in charge (since the other heirs of the other tribes were also there) he stood at her side with no hessitation, even when she was the younger of the heirs and with less training.

And with that is when realization finaly hits her. "It has to be Asher" she tells Stoick and he tries to calm her, bc now she is ranting on how good Asher could be for the "spot" but also bc she starts to realice Asher probably had feelings for her since before. And she gets very insistent on why it has to be him

And the rest is a surprise for when i actually get to write the fic :3

#fem hiccup #fem hiccup au #httyd genderbend #httyd fanart #httyd fanfic #betrothal au #httyd au #hiccup haddock #stoick the vast #asher hofferson #male astrid #astrid hofferson #asks #SORRY IF THERE'S ANY TYPOS OR MISTAKES I WROTE THIS ON MY PHONE AT 3 AM #dg asks #dg art #dg fanart #dg comics

[tourettesbabe]

hi ! hope youre well :)

so, im 20, and i started developing tics when i was 18 (i fit all the diagnostic criteria for tourette's, except that my tics developed once i was 18 instead of before). i spoke to my psychiatrist about it but he didn't suggest anything along the lines of a diagnosis, just said it might be my medication (we tried changing that and it wasnt it), and then kind of left it at "tics are strange, let's see what happens"

ive been kind of nervous of asking him for an actual diagnosis because it seems like he doesn't know a huge amount about tics, and i don't really feel like i need an official diagnosis (unless it's necessary for accommodations but i havent even started looking into those yet).

basically, i wanted to ask if you think it's okay for me to say i have tourette's? i do genuinely think i have tourette's, i've seen studies talking about how the DSM-5 might be outdated and adult-onset tourette's is a thing, but also it's just easier to say i have tourette's to people than try and explain that i have tics but i don't know exactly what it is and i don't have a diagnosis.

also slightly unrelated, but i haven't told a lot of people because my tics are often not noticeable (especially if i suppress them), and i feel really anxious telling anyone who's known me for a while bc im worried they'll think im faking since they havent seen me tic before.. if you have any advice on that its much appreciated

sorry this was so long- completely understandable if you don't have energy or can't respond! <3

Hey Nonnie! First of all, I'm honored that you'd message me for advice. Thank you for being so sweet as well -- I am doing well, thank you. Now, I'm definitely not an expert, but I can give you my two cents!

While it is true that the official DSM-5 diagnosis for Tourette's requires the person to have been ticcing since before the age of 18, you're also right in saying there is some discourse about whether or not that is completely accurate. Adult-onset tic disorders are a thing, and they can happen for a variety of reasons. IMO, if you fit all the other criteria like you said, it's probably Tourette's. It's also the most well-known tic disorder, so many people will understand what it means (though they may also have some inaccurate ideas about swearing and the like.)

I will say that there are many kinds of tic disorders, and many reasons why tics could be happening. If you're sure you have Tourette's, then I'd say it's fine to say that. But if you're not, I'd just stick with telling people you have a tic disorder. If they ask questions about the diagnosis, just tell them it's currently unspecified. What's most important is that you have tics, not the label.

You know yourself better than anyone else, including your doctor, your family, your friends, etc. So, although an official diagnosis can be useful, don't feel bad about labeling it for yourself. Even if it turns out to be something else, if the label is serving a purpose for you now, or if it helps others to understand you, then I don't see a problem with it.

Getting a diagnosis can be intimidating, but if it's important to you then you need to be confident! Like I said, you know yourself better than anyone else. You need to advocate for yourself and be persistent. If your psychiatrist doesn't know much about tics, ask him if he can find out some more information to help you out, or even present him with your own findings! But, again, if you don't need accommodations and it's not affecting you too much, you may not need an official diagnosis. It's your life, and your tics.

If you do go on the diagnosis route and he isn't giving you the answers/help you need, never be afraid to seek out a second opinion! There are specialists who are trained specifically to diagnose tic disorders, which may be more helpful to you. That's how I got diagnosed when I was young.

As for telling people, in my personal experience I've found it usually goes pretty well. My tics aren't very noticeable either, so when I do tell a friend they usually say they never would have known, but nobody has ever accused me of lying or anything like that. In fact, most of the time they are interested in learning more and want to ask me questions about my tics and experiences, which I am always excited to do.

I don't know your family, so I'll try to cover my bases here... If you have the kind of parent or sibling who might try to say that they know you too well to not have noticed, try and remind them that the tics are subtle and that you may have been suppressing them. Tics can be very easy to miss when someone isn't looking for them, even when they seem obvious to you. Also tell them that it's a very recent thing (and if they question the possibility/legitimacy of that, definitely pull out the receipts lol -- articles, webpages, anything you need to). It could also go just the same as I said with friends. If anyone is particularly uptight about it, don't tolerate it. You are not faking, and anyone who thinks you are needs to get educated.

Also know that you don't NEED to tell people if you don't want to. Even your closest friend or family member is not entitled to your personal medical information if you are not comfortable with sharing it. And, if it's subtle enough that they haven't noticed yet, then they may not notice unless you bring it up. It's up to you who to tell and who not to tell.

Now, I don't know if this has been your mindset in any way, but I definitely would not recommend suppressing tics in order to avoid questions from those close to you. Your comfort is more important than theirs here!!! Ticcing is a natural thing and it is happening for a reason, listen to your body and let it do what it needs to do. I honestly would recommend never suppressing at all, but I understand that it can feel embarrassing or like everyone is looking at you, especially in public. However, in my experience, people don't really notice (even after they know about the tics if they are subtle). I want to remind you though that there is nothing to be ashamed of or embarrassed about in ticcing.

I hope this helped you, if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything feel free to send another anon or DM my way. I've linked some extra resources below that might help. Good luck on your journey, I know you can do it!!! :)

Resources:

CDC's Page on Tourette's

CDC's Page on Diagnosing Tic Disorders

Tourette Association: What Is Tourette

Tourette Association: Diagnosis

NCBI's Article on Adult-onset Tic Disorders

#long post #asks #anon #answered #tics #tourettes #tic disorder #mental health #neurological disorder #actually tourettic #actually tourettes #tourettes syndrome #tourettes resource #resources #self diagnosis #actually neurodiverse #actually neurodivergent #adult onset tourettes #adult onset tic disorder #mads posts

[twopoppies]

I'm new here so please don't be upset by my question. Why do ppl say that larries ruined their friendship? Did Harry and Louis ever say that? Where did that opinion come from? Also why do ppl say Harry wanted to leave the band so desperately (I read he was distant during MITAM promo bc he hated his time in the band). I haven't been here long but antis/neutrals haven't been nice to me and I don't know any larries to ask my questions irl.

Hi love. I'm not upset by the questions. It's the way people ask those questions that sets some people on edge. I also only have my opinion on this... I'm not some all-knowing oracle.

I know this is going to be long, no matter how short I try to make it, because it's just a super complex situation that's been spread out over 11 years. I'll put it under the cut.

In short, people say larries ruined their friendship because that's what 1DHQ pushed back in the day. 1D's label wanted "Larry" to disappear because it was a big fucking problem for two members of their band to be queer and in love with each other. And they couldn't get the two of them to break up and they couldn't get anyone to believe the ridiculous attempts at denying it, so they insisted that Harry and Louis stay away from each other. Everywhere. Always. And then the media (specifically the Syco mouthpiece, Dan Wootton) started to print stories about how the boys were friends but "fans" took it too far and now they didn't even talk to each other (basically saying they were homophobic dicks who didn't want anyone to think they were gay). They continued to push this narrative in numerous ways, including posting some pretty disgusting tweets on Louis' twitter basically stating that he was straight and that Larry was bullshit. What all of this did was result in one group of fans (at the time, antis, but now it's also spread to various subsets of fandom) thinking they were being better fans by attacking larries. They felt justified because look what larries did!

As for your second question, barely anyone was saying Harry wanted to leave the band in 2015. But there was a concerted effort (IMO, orchestrated by the label) to create a Harry vs OT3 situation that had been going on for a long time. They worked overtime to separate H from the other guys––he always flew separately, he hung out in LA with his famous friends and never saw OT3 unless it was on stage etc etc. The label was essentially building up his solo image long before the band "went on hiatus".

In recent years, people (basically rads/Harry haters) began to say Harry hated the band and had been plotting his world domination since as early as 2013 and they he was actively behind the separation from OT3 and the hiatus and that he kicked all of them to the curb in order to stand on their carcasses to be king of the mountain. I honestly don't have the time or energy to take apart that pile of complete nonsense, but I advise anyone who is agreeing with it to really take some time to look through all of the "proof" because there is so much double talk and distorted reimagining of facts and deluded agenda behind it. I'm not saying Harry was a poor, innocent noob who was manipulated into being a star, but he's not the monster who orchestrated the coup of the century at the expense of his boyfriend and band mates either.

Solo Harry has only spoken positively about his time in the band and only ever acknowledged that he wouldn't be where he is if had hadn't been a part of One Direction. Was he ready to move on from the band by the end of 2015? Sure, probably. But the narrative that was circulated was that Harry sprung it on the other three and they were blindsided by it and they hadn't wanted the break (in particular, it was pushed that Louis felt this way). I just call complete bullshit. That makes no sense to me at all. It's possible they weren't all ready to do it, but they all fucking needed a break because they'd been worked like dogs for 5 years straight. I'm sure there were very complicated things going on, contractually and emotionally, but I just don't believe that the other three cried and begged for the band to stay together and Harry said no, fuck you I want to be A STAR!!!

I think if you really want to understand the answers to the questions you're asking, you need to look through some blogs to really get to the nitty gritty. Look through some larrie blogs like @bulletprooflarry @lornasaurusrex tellmethisisnotlove (the last is archived on the wayback machine) who do a great job of archiving and tagging. Also check some newer blogs who also keep great records like @skepticalarrie @daisiesonafield-blog and really look into things like PR and marketing, bearding, closeting in the music industry, closeting in Hollywood, media manipulation etc etc. Take some time to put the puzzle together. And especially be thoughtful about whose information you take to heart because as I've said before, there are people here who care more about the audience and followers, than they do about telling the truth. Take all the info in and make up your own mind.

I'm sorry this was so long and at the same time I promise you I only told you about 2% of the story. I hope it helps a bit, anyway.

#for newbies

[toomanyfandoms02]

Birthday // Spencer Reid x Reader

So I got this idea from @darnittumbleweed 's recent post about how grateful Spence must be when he gets gifts and people remember birthdays bc of his mom sadly forgetting them when he was a kid.

Summary - Reader accidentally finds out it's Spencer's birthday and she decides to surprise him with some gifts.

Word count - 2.3k

I adjusted my light purple blazer, tucking it farther into my pencil skirt as I walked through the doors of the bullpen. I was a bit earlier than usual, but I was not surprised to see Spencer already parked at his desk with a book in hand. His feet were propped up on his desk, making his legs look even longer.

The I saw a wallet laying open on the ground, a few feet from his desk.

I kneeled, grabbing the older looking leather wallet from the carpet. I immediately saw Spencer's ID picture sitting in the front clear pocket.

*Sex: M --- Eyes: BRO --- Hgt.: 6' -01'' --- Wgt.: 175 --- DOB: 10/28/1981*

I furrowed my eyebrows at this, that was today's date. Spencer turns 29 today.

I had heard from JJ how private Spencer was about events like this. They just became like any other day to him as he grew up. His mom had not remembered holidays and birthdays from a pretty young age, so he treated them like another regular day too. JJ, and I'm sure Hotch, were the only ones who knew of his birthday. He must have told them to not make a big deal of it, he wasn't much of a partier. Fine then, I wouldn't throw him a party.

"I think you dropped this." I set his wallet on his desk, folded closed. He peeked over his book, eyes widening a bit.

"Oh thanks! Where did you find it?" He say up straighter, laying his book on his desk. I pointed to the ground a few feet away. "Well, thanks again y/l/n." I nodded, heading to my desk.

I shamelessly spent the whole day looking for things to buy for Reid. I was aiming for things from Doctor Who, so I looked up the stock from geek stores in our mall. I had decided on two gifts, and I was going to buy them after work.

My heels clicked loudly on the tile floor of the mall. I was getting frequent stares from passersby as I walked through the crowded halls. I *did* look a little overdressed to be in the mall, but to be completely honest, I was on a mission. And I wasn't going to waste time changing because that would just postpone the time that I would get to see Spencer's smiling face.

I walked into 'ThinkGeek', peering to the back where I saw a Doctor Who section.

"Hiya! Is there something I can help you with." Though the worker didn't show it *clearly* on her face, but I could see the slight confusion in her eyes. Again, I did look a *little* out of place.

"I'm looking for a few specific things that I checked your guys' stock for with the help of a friend."

"Only workers can check our in store stock here. Are you Sarah's friend?" She gestured to a lady at the counter with bright pink hair.

"Uh, no." I slowly pulled out my FBI credentials and discreetly showed them to her. "I had our tech analyst check for me because I need these gifts for a friend." She nodded in understanding, looking just a bit frightened. I explained to her what I needed and she took me to the items. It wasn't long until I was being rung up.

"That'll be $31.82." I slid her the money. "This is a gift right? Do you want it wrapped? We wrap for an extra 2 bucks."

"That would be awesome!" I put two more dollars on the counter.

"So," she tied the bow on the first present, "is this for a boyfriend?" I blushed and narrowed my eyes a bit. She put her hands up in surrender, "Or girlfriend?" I sighed a bit with a laugh.

"No no, he's a coworker."

"Some coworker he must be if you're spending," she peered at my receipt, "nearly 34 dollars on him. A birthday I'm guessing?"

"Are you trying to profile me?" I asked, quirking my eyebrow.

"Are you trying to profile *me*?"

"Fair enough." I laughed. She slid me the boxes and handed me my receipt. "Thank you for wrapping these."

"Get that man boo!" She shouted as I left the store. I gave her a firm thumbs up and started heading to my car so I could give these to the man in question.

That was until I forgot about a card.

I turned back into the mall and went into Barnes and Noble. I quickly had a worker direct me towards the cards and I found a perfect one with a Tardis that said 'All the time-travel in the world won't make you any younger.'

I giggled and brought it up to the register.

"Is it this special someone's birthday *today*?" I nodded. "Well I have a coupon for a free cupcake from our cafe." She slid me the thin piece of paper.

"Thank you so much!" I grabbed the card and headed to the cafe and getting him a vanilla cupcake. After all of that, I was finally, *actually*, heading to Spencer's.

I pulled into his apartments parking lot, unbuckling and gathering the gifts. I took the stairs up to apartment 23 and knocked on the door. I heard slow footsteps approach the door and stop for a moment. I assumed he was looking through the peep hole so I hid the presents behind me, skillfully stacked onto one hand and waved. He opened the door immediately.

"Hey y/n! What are you doing here? And what's behind your back?" He tried to look over my shoulders, which wasn't hard to do with his towering frame. I backed up into the stairs railing so he couldn't see.

"You promise you won't be mad if I tell you?" I could see worry cross his features.

"That depends. But it's hard to stay mad at you." His face softened.

"Ok well," I pulled the small boxes and card from behind me, "happy birthday."

His eyes widened, and then, unexpectedly, a giant grin spread across his lips.

"How did you know?"

"When I picked your wallet up, I saw your ID. So, I decided to get you a couple things." He ushered me in the house as I handed him the card. He smiled even bigger, reading the card.

"You remembered that I like Doctor Who?"

"Okay, first of all, who doesn't know you like Doctor Who? And two, I remember a lot of things about you, nerd." I elbowed his side lightly. He gestured for me to sit on his couch with him as I handed him the boxes wrapped in white wrapping and blue bows, along with the clear box with the cupcake in it.

"Thank you for the cupcake." He chuckled.

"Yeah! The chick at the counter gave me a coupon for it." I smiled.

He opened the thinner, longer box first. I revealed a Tardis tie.

"Y/n-"

"I didn't think you had a tie like that so as soon as I saw it I knew I had to get it. I'm sorry if you already have one."

"Y/n, this is so cool! Where did you get it?" He pulled it from the box and looked at it closer. He was already loosening his current tie to try it on.

"It's a store in the mall, ThinkGeek. They've got a lot of nerdy stuff there. It's where I get my Harry Potter stuff." I blushed a bit, having just revealed a nerdy part of me that I didn't tell many people about.

"I love it!" He was now standing in front of a mirror, tightening it around his neck and smiling like a little kid who just got a puppy. He came back to the couch, leaving it on and tearing the wrapping on the second one. It was a Tardis mug.

"And you were talking about how we didn't have enough mugs at the office, so I thought you could have your own. Plus, everyone will know it's yours."

He stared into the mug with a look that I couldn't exactly read.

*Did I trigger a bad memory?*

Right as I thought that, he looked up at me with the same expression. All I could tell was, whatever he was trying to express, it was behind those honey brown eyes. ~~the ones I was always getting lost in~~ He set the mug on the coffee table and leaned towards me.

He hugged me.

He hugged me tighter than I have ever been hugged.

I wrapped my arms around him, squeezing him back. I could have sat like that forever, but we sat for probably half a minute.

"I thought you didn't like hugs."

"I don't usually, but, I don't know." He looked down at his hands, quite literally twiddling his thumbs. "This just, means a lot to me. I didn't think someone paid enough attention to me to not only get me things from my favorite show, but things that I have mentioned randomly in a conversation." He looked up in realization, and now my heart was pumping *way* too fast. "You *like* me, don't you?" My eyes widened to, I'm sure, the size of the mug I had gotten him.

"What? Uh, no. I just thought, you just never, no."

"Yes! Yes you do!" He stood up smiling at me, like he just had a *massive* breakthrough. "Look, you're blushing, that's involuntary sign of attraction. And you haven't broken eye contact with me this whole time! Even though you want to. And you're talking in a lower pitch than usual. A person will change the tone and pitch of their voice when speaking to someone they’re attracted to. Specifically, women tend to lower their vocal tone when around an attractive person. You have been fidgeting this whole time."

I could feel my face get hotter and hotter with everything he pointed out. I felt extremely vulnerable. My face was not only involuntarily blushing, it was involuntarily making quite the frightened face. I realized this when he put his hands up in surrender and his face softened from the smug grin that was previously plastered to it.

"Oh! Are you okay?" He leaned over his coffee table at me and I leaned farther into his couch. He smiled again, "Do you not understand what I'm getting at?" He looked at me slightly dumbfounded.

"That I like you? Yeah I got it!" I snapped a bit. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly.

"I do the exact some things." I squinted my eyes at him. "Do you not notice how *neither* of us ever break eye contact? I was just sitting next to you, fidgeting with my hands. You probably think my cheeks are naturally flushed, but that's just when I'm around you. I constantly catch myself lowering my voice when I'm having conversations with you. Some profilers we are, huh?" I smiled and leaned towards him, grabbing his face.

"Yeah, well, we aren't suppose to profile eachother anyway, cheater." I giggled, pulling him into a kiss. He grabbed the back of my neck deepening it.

"Giggling a lot from a woman is also a sign of attraction." He mumbled between kisses. I pulled apart from him with another giggle. He raised his eyebrows as I confirmed his theory.

"Whatever nerd." I pushed his chest.

"Seriously, thank you so much." He hugged me again. At this point we were both just standing in front of his coffee table. "I'm glad you found out it was my birthday today, because I'm not sure when I would have the courage for any of that again." He pushed a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Well you don't have to worry about that anymore. You have me now." His eyes lit up at that, kissing me again. We both smiled into the kiss, pulling eachother impossibly close. "I've gotta get home and feed my cat." I backed out from the kiss, watching him slightly follow, in hopes of another kiss.

"Are you free after work tomorrow?" He asked hopefully.

"What do you have in mind?"

"Dinner? Or we can watch a movie here?"

"How about both?" I winked.

"Perfect!" He pecked my lips one more time as I walked out the door. Just as it shut behind me I heard a not so quiet.

"Yes! Finally dumbass!" From him.

I giggled again as I walked down the stairs.

*What a convenient day for him to drop his wallett*

BONUS:

The next day I walked in to see Spencer drinking from his new mug and wearing his tie, paired with a regular white button up. I walked by his desk, tapping on the mugs rim.

"Nice mug." I winked and kept walking to my desk. He looked down at the coffee with a giddy smile.

"**I knew it! I knew it! Give me the money JJ you *loser**!" I heard Derek screech from the other side of the room. JJ rolled her eyes and handed him a ten. "My man's has got game!" He slapped a hand on Spencer's back.

"You guys couldn't have waited one more month?" JJ asked with a very annoyed expression.

"It's your guys fault for betting on us." I held my hands in surrender. Penelope then emerged from her office.

"Yay! Finally! Did you get him the tie and mug?! I adore it!" She hugged me from behind and placed a kiss on my cheek.

*This is my family*

#mgg #criminal minds #spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #MGG #matthew gray gubler #matthewgraygubler #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction

[maysbanks]

hold out. (jj maybank)

here it is, the second part to hypersonic missiles ! the response to the first part was absolutely amazing, the support & love in this fandom is incredible & i just wanna say a huge thank you to all of you that take the time to like, reblog & comment, every single one means so much !! gotta admit im not loving this as in it's not my best work and kinda all over the place & half way through writing this i almost scrapped the whole thing to rewrite the full series with an oc bc writing as the reader was starting to get to me lol. but alas here it is & as always i hope u enjoy x

warning: swearing, drug use, underage drinking, violence etc 

summary: after accidentally inserting herself into a treasure hunt with four teenagers, one of which could be considered her 'friend with benefits', y/n grubbs is left to deal with the complications and misfortunes that come along with it - including her ever-growing feelings for said 'friend with benefits'. 

( gif isn't mine! please let me know if it's yours so i can credit you. )

If someone had told you a week before that you would lose your father, get your house raided by two men you had never seen before in your life, make friends with a group of teenagers, embark on a two hundred year old treasure hunt with said teenagers, and be hanging out with JJ Maybank every day and willingly, all in the space of one week; you'd have laughed in their face, asked them what drugs they were on and could you have some, and then laugh in their face again.

But alas, there you were. You still couldn't quite believe it, especially the JJ part. You'd had worries at first, like would the gang really want you involved, did they secretly hate having you around, were they just being nice and letting you in on this because your dad had died? All the doubts swirled in your mind, running around like clock-work, just ticking away constantly in the back of your head. Surprisingly, JJ had been the one you'd gone to about them.

"I just feel guilty," you'd said. It was after a day of riding around in John B's boat and using fancy hotels' WiFi, and 'borrowing' a drone from JJ's dads old workplace. His eyebrows furrowed when he looked at you, confused. "I mean, you guys have been friends for like, forever. And then I just show up and you conveniently find out about John B's dad and the treasure hunt on the same day when I'm there, and it's just like - I don't belong with you guys, it's your thing and I'm just kinda, here." 

"You're part of this just as much as we all are," he'd told you, matter of fact. His body was angled to face you as you sat outside John B's self-proclaimed Chateau, a freshly rolled blunt being passed back and forth between the pair of you. "You need to stop doubting yourself, man. You're apart of us now." 

The words had warmed your heart, an instant smile being spread on your lips as you looked at him through red-rimmed eyes. Underneath the setting sun, he looked almost angelic; his golden hair blowing in the slight breeze, tanned skin exposed due to the heat. You had pretended not to notice the tense of the muscles in his arms whenever your fingers brushed when you passed the juul between yourselves. 

"You're too kind to me, Maybank," you'd grinned, boot-clad foot nudging his knee gently. "If I didn't know you so well I'd have thought you'd have ulterior motives."

"Who says I haven't?" He'd smirked back. You'd just smiled, teeth biting down on the plump skin of your bottom lip before you'd looked away from his burning gaze and focused your attention on anything, anywhere but JJ fucking Maybank.

You got along with the gang amazingly, you couldn't doubt that. Pope was the smartest guy you'd met, sweet and funny and passionate and so certain of what he wanted to do in life. Kiara, or Kie, as you'd come to call her, was very environmentally involved, almost too cool for the guys, you thought. She cared so much about so many things, and she had a great taste in music too. John B was a bit like you, you supposed. Fatherless, on the hunt for answers, things like that - but other than that he was a great guy, the makeshift leader of the little group, a little lost in life, but that was to be understood.

And then there was JJ. You felt most comfortable around the blonde, but that was kinda a given too, due to the fact you'd seen each other in your most vulnerable states that came with having sex rather regularly, something the other members of the gang didn't share. He was a spit-fire, always ready to throw a punch and fire threats at those who deserved it, head-strong and stubborn. But he was more so caring, God he cared so much for his friends, you'd discovered. He would do just about anything for them, whatever position that put him in. JJ put the gang before himself, always. You'd noticed all different types of things about JJ especially, little things you had never taken the time to notice before.

These little discoveries probably came from watching him too much, you'd thought one night. It was a bit of a problem, though you never mentioned it. The unspoken rule amongst the group was No Pogue on Pogue Macking, which basically meant everyone was off limits to each other. You understood the rule, Kie having been the only girl before you'd arrived on the scene amongst three guys, and after becoming apart of the gang you had no choice but to respect it - which also meant that JJ was off limits. But was he technically off limits when you'd already been there, so far past the line on macking with each other?

There was some sort of agreement between the two of you, that in order to make this work; your friendship with the Pogues, the hunt for the Merchant's treasure, that nothing could happen. You'd spoken briefly about it that first day, outside the lighthouse beside the Twinkie (John B's van, you'd learned had a nickname), we're cool, right? Pretend we haven't seen each other naked, conversation. It had been cut short, but it still happened. And the pair of you never mentioned it after that, a few off-handed comments here and there from JJ, but nothing specific. So you assumed yours and JJ's hook ups were off the table, and you had no idea why that had come to bother you so damn much.

On the day following your talk with JJ on John B's porch, he'd invited you to come along with him and Pope as they delivered groceries for Pope's dad, Heyward. You had almost said no, because really, you could probably do with a break from the Maybank boy, all the time spent with him was doing no favours for your little situation of Fighting Attraction While Hunting For Gold. That's what you were putting it down to in your mind anyway, too much time spent with the person you're sleeping with can begin to mess with anyone's head, and hey, maybe it was the fact that you were grieving and JJ was familiar - but you couldn't be doing with all these thoughts anymore.

Despite the angel on your shoulder urging you to turn his offer down, you'd said yes. But that was little to do with JJ and more to do with your mom and your current home situation, which was unbearable, to say the least. Your mother was barely speaking to you, as if she was scared of letting something slip if she did. In return, you shut her out, too. Told her lame excuses and empty lies when you were heading out with the gang, lying through your teeth when she'd asked where you were or where you were going.

Lana Grubbs wasn't a stupid woman, though, and you knew she knew you were up to something. But she hadn't mentioned anything outright yet, and so you hadn't said anything either. The hole your father had left was huge and gaping, evident in both your lives. You hadn't spoken about it yet, and you weren't intending to until she could be completely honest with you. You didn't want to hear anymore lies, and you were already on the path to discovering the full truth. On your own.

Her words echoed in your mind every time you left the house, voice small and gentle as she never failed to say the same thing. "Just be careful." You'd always look over your shoulder, and she'd never look back at you. She hadn't looked at you much at all since your dad had died.

It was after a certain drop-off of groceries, you'd joined JJ in his delivery whilst Pope had docked the boat and gone off to deliver his own, yours and JJ's strides matching as you walked the seemingly never-ending drive of the abnormally large house that loomed over you. The Kook part of the island never ceased to intimidate you, no matter how much you didn't want it to. There was something about it, the people that lived amongst it, that unsettled you whenever you entered it. Figure Eight wasn't somewhere you usually visited other than an odd job you'd picked up, and you were reminded why of that fact as you walked alongside JJ.

"Just think," he breathed, all starry eyed and parted lips as he gazed around the pair of you. "This could all be ours soon."

You snorted, bumping his side with your own. "Don't be melodramatic, JJ,"

"I'm serious!" JJ protested. His sea blue eyes caught yours when he turned his head to look at you head-on. The intensity of his stare almost made you stop in your spot, but you managed to carry on, gulping when his eyes continued to hold yours. "I'm sticking to my earlier statement, right, we're going to move here, and out-rich all these fuckin' Kooks."

"Out-rich?" You raised an eyebrow, lips quirking. "Your grammar is so adequate, Maybank."

"It's a word," JJ insisted, nudging your side with the point of his elbow. "Who the fuck uses words like adequate these days, anyway? I don't even think Mrs. Humphrey knows what that word means."

You laughed at the mention of your shared English teacher, the grey-haired, short, spectacle wearing woman immediately entering your mind. JJ grinned when he heard your laugh, dimples winking in his cheeks.

"Mrs. Humphrey can't even spell Wednesday," you giggled, JJ chuckling along with you as he nodded. "It's a wonder how that woman has been working there for like, eighteen years or something."

Your steps faltered as you neared the door to the house, pace slowing as you both basked in the time spent with each other, though neither of you would admit it. "She was probably a good teacher at first," JJ said thoughtfully, shuffling the groceries in his hands. (You tried not to notice the way his arms looked when he did that, muscles clenching and on full show with his cut-off tank.) "I bet each year another brain cell of hers just like, dies."

"Wouldn't surprise me," you nodded. "Mine would attempting to teach classes full of teenagers," rather dramatically, you shuddered. "Especially if one of those teenagers was JJ Maybank."

"Hey!" JJ shouted, though his grin proved that he found your jab amusing. You laughed along with him, bumping his side once more as you finally landed at the door, watching as he turned to you, expression trying to be serious and failing, rather horribly. "You better watch yourself, Grubbs. I'm serious here, I can be a pretty scary guy if need be, y'know."

You didn't doubt that, of course. You'd seen JJ in action with your own two eyes, you knew what he was capable of. But somehow, stood with you there, on the doorstep of some filthy rich Kook's mansion, groceries in hand, blonde hair shining golden in the sun, sun-kissed skin exposed to your wandering eyes, grin on pink lips; you couldn't imagine JJ Maybank hurting a fly.

"Trust me, I know." You'd said just as he knocked on the door, shooting you one last toothy grin before the door was opened and he was pulled into a conversation with the woman who'd answered it, talking about all things from the weather to the next semester at school. You watched him all the while, smile growing on your lips without your knowledge as you took him in, seemingly in his element as he sweet-talked the middle-aged woman inside the house. When he turned to you suddenly, you startled, broken from your thoughts and caught red-handed staring at him like some freak. He grinned, tongue wetting his pink lips at the same time you internally groaned.

"I was just saying, the groceries," he trailed off as he pointed to the bags in your hands in which you'd forgotten were even there. You let out an 'oh' as you quickly passed the groceries over to the waiting woman, shooting her an apologetic smile as she looked at you knowingly. JJ nodded his head in your direction, speaking once more to the woman, "New guys, huh?"

You glared at him as the woman laughed, perfectly manicured hand reaching beside her and grabbing hold of her purse, pulling a note out with her slender fingers. She held the note out to JJ, who immediately tried to turn it down, insisting there was no need, but the woman was unrelenting - sending a pointed look your way as she told him, "For your troubles, sweetie."

JJ picked the note from her hands, a gracious smile being sent to her as he nodded. "It's been a long day," he sighed heavily and your jaw almost dropped as you resisted the urge to reach out and slap his arm. What a fucker. "Thank you very much, Mrs. Ramirez. I really appreciate it."

The woman, Mrs. Ramirez, as you learned, nodded and waved a hand. "No bother, sweetie," she told him before turning her eyes back to you. You forced a smile as she simply eyed you up and down, before sending an obviously forced one of her own. "And thank you." She said curtly, and you were ready to give her a piece of your mind before JJ was grabbing your arm and dragging you in the direction of where you'd come from, shouting one last thank you over his shoulder as he walked you back towards the boat.

It was when you were a safe distance away that you shook your arm from his hold only to slap him gently on his own as you glowered, glare smouldering as he laughed, throwing his head back as he stumbled beside you.

"You're such an ass," you huffed as you tried to ignore his chuckling, speeding your steps. "I mean, she literally just tipped you a hundred dollars for showing up and smiling, I'm sure if I had a third leg down there I would have got the same treatment too."

"Are you jealous?" JJ asked, having to jog slightly to keep up your hurried pace. His smile was huge and infectious, and you made a point not to meet his stare when he landed next to you in fear of breaking your fake annoyed stance. "Maybe if you weren't too busy checking me out then you could have talked to her, and y'know, make a small fortune yourself."

You scoffed, whirling around and halting him in place. He almost stumbled into you, and you stepped back when his hands landed on your arms to steady himself, shaking his grip off almost immediately. "I wasn't checking you out," you told him, matter of fact.

JJ grinned and ran a hand through his hair as he replied, "Sure you were," he shrugged. You crossed your arms over your chest and glared, biting down on your tongue as you resisted your own smile as he motioned to his body from head to toe. "Not that I can blame you, I mean look at me."

"I've looked, JJ," your voice was low when you said it, a knowing tone to your words. "I've looked, and I've seen it all, in case you forgot."

A low chuckle slipped past his lips. "How could I ever forget?" He asked rhetorically, tongue darting out to wet his chapped lips as you tried not to follow the action with your eyes, and failed, miserably. "Trust me, that image is forever dented in my brain. I think of it, sometimes. Just randomly."

You rolled your eyes. And he's back, _you thought. _He never left, a voice at the back of your head piped up. You ignored them both. "C'mon," you said, already turning on your heel and starting off in the direction of where Pope had docked the boat. "Let's go get these deliveries finished."

The pair of you said nothing more for the rest of the duration of the short walk back, and when the boat was in your sights JJ was off running, more than likely eager to show off his one hundred dollar tip to Pope, as you idled, watching his back as he ran. When you finally landed in the boat, it was silent. You immediately picked up on the tension, heavy in the small space, and shot JJ a confused glance when he looked back at you.

Slowly, you made your way towards where the two boys were up at the front of the boat, Pope situated at the wheel. The dark skinned boy was staring straight ahead, refusing to meet either yours or JJ's eyes. When you looked to the latter, he subtly shrugged a shoulder, letting you know that he had no clue himself what was going on with his best friend.

"Pope?" You questioned softly. "What's wrong?" When there was no answer, you shared another glance with JJ, his concern shining in his blue eyes. You tilted your head as you went to ask him again, but when you did, your eyes caught on to the colour crimson that was slowly streaming down the side of his face. You gasped and JJ startled, chest bumping your shoulder as he tugged the cap from Pope's head, revealing the injury near the top of his head.

"Jesus!" JJ exclaimed when he caught sight of the wound, Pope swatting at his hands that held his hat, pulling it back down once JJ had let go. "What happened?"

"Rafe and Topper jumped me," Pope's voice was slightly wobbly as he informed you both, a tear sliding down his cheek as he recounted, "They said no Pogues on their side of the island."

Your blood began to boil just as JJ demanded, "What are you gonna do?" His own jaw clenched in anger as he looked at his best friend, beaten and bruised in front of him from the hands of some entitled selfish pricks that thought they were better than everyone because they had more money in their pockets. Rafe Cameron was a name that never failed to make you queasy at just the mention of it, and his little gang of followers including Topper Thorton were just as unbearable.

"I have something in mind." Pope spoke, voice and stance determined. And something he did, as he drove to Topper's new boat - and promptly swam over and removed the plug from it, causing the new model to sink into the water as you and JJ watched from Heyward's boat, keeping an eye out for anyone that may have spotted your trio.

And though it was bad, and you knew you probably shouldn't have taken part in such an activity, nor prompted Pope to either; you couldn't deny the rush it gave you as you watched Topper Thorton's boat begin to sink, and maybe it was the fact that you knew that Topper was a Grade A Asshole and deserved it, or maybe it was Pope's own unsure but excitable adrenaline that mixed with your own, or maybe it was just the fact that JJ wrapped his arm around your shoulder without a care in the world as he shouted his support to his friend, squeezing you to his side almost unknowingly, like it was some kind of instinct.

You thought, yeah, it probably was, as you immediately felt the loss of it when he moved to grab Pope in a hug. And then you thought, well shit.

There was a mutual share of disappointment when the gang had found just about absolutely nothing when you'd taken Pope's fathers boat out the next morning, drone ready and in hand to go hunt for the gold, where John B Routledge had marked down on the map it having been.

Granted, the Royal Merchant was there. It was just missing the one thing they were after - the gold was nowhere in sight, and the journey had been a complete waste of time. You thought it to be too good to be true, of course it had to be. Four hundred million in gold and you were expected to find it? There was no way, you thought bitterly as JJ steered the gang back to land, not one of you daring to speak as the disappointment crashed over you all in huge waves.

You'd departed with the guys not long after that, after promising Kie that you would accompany her to the annual summer movie night, making your way towards home. The bitter frustration ate away at your insides, you were mad, angry - fucking infuriated, each step the gang got closer to finding the gold, it was as if someone was stood in your path and shoving you all back another ten.

Had your dad really died for this? This seemingly never-ending hunt for promised gold that, for all you knew, could be complete and utter bullshit. You didn't understand it at first, when the pieces began to slot together, but it was like every time the chase got harder it made you want it even more; and then you understood your fathers fascination and Big John Routledge's obsession. This gold meant everything to you and the gang, and you knew, John B especially, would never give up on this chase.

"Hey, sweetheart," your mother called when you entered the house. The front door was still broken, only the screen in place, and was leaning against the wall as you maneuvered past it. Lana was sat at the couch, and when you walked in she'd shoved a box away from her, the lid laying haphazardly over the top. "I wasn't expecting you home so early."

You shot her a small and forced smile, shuffling your bag from your shoulder and onto the floor, landing with a soft thud. "Hey mom," you greeted back, noting her teary eyes and flushed cheeks. "What're you doing?"

When you arrived at the back of the couch, looking over her shoulder, you immediately recognised the box - Family Photos! _written atop _the cardboard.

"I was just looking through some old pictures," she told you, sniffling as she attempted to smile at you. "Just wanted to see his face again."

You nodded, your throat tightening at the mention of your dad. Reaching a hand up and wiping away her tears, she looked at you questioning, "Where have you been?"

"Just out," you said, bluntly and unconvincing. "Doing a few jobs here and there, y'know. Nothing exciting."

Lana hummed, quirking an eyebrow at you. "Mr. Phelps told me that he seen you with that Maybank kid the other day," she informed, your face falling for a millisecond as her words sunk in. She looked at you, tear-stained face and serious gaze, lips pulled to a thin line. "I told you to stay from those guys, Y/N."

"I was helping him deliver groceries, mom," you deadpanned - which wasn't exactly a lie, if that's when Mr. Phelps had spotted you. Most of your time spent with the gang was mainly off the land and away from prying eyes, whether that be on a boat or the Chateau, so you knew that was the safest bet of when you'd been spotted. "For Heyward's. It's not like I'm hanging out with him on purpose."

Lie, lie, lie. It was becoming alarmingly easy to lie straight through your teeth, and to your mother nonetheless, but you couldn't dare tell her anything, and why should you, when she hadn't told you anything? It took two to Tango, you thought.

"I just don't want you getting hurt," your mother reminded, and you let out a sigh as you nodded, faked closed-mouth smile on your lips. "I'm serious, Y/N, please just be careful out there."

"Always am," you promised (bull-fucking-shit). You turned on your heel, heading towards your room as you called over your shoulder, "I got invited out tonight, by the way. To the movie thing on the North Side. Is it alright if I go, please?"

You waited at your door, hearing your mother sigh from the couch. "Yes, you can go." You smiled, this one more real than all the rest, and thanked her gently. She didn't look back at you though, and the familiar unspoken tension was back with vengeance. You couldn't wait to get out of it.

The movie night was a welcome distraction from your frustrations with the treasure hunt, the haunting memories of your dad, and the tension with your mom. It was only you, Kie, Pope and JJ that attended - John B having seemingly disappeared for the day, none of the gang having heard from him. You'd managed to leave the house with relatively no questioning from your mom, and met JJ a little way down the block.

("Woah, keep two feet away from me please," you'd joked, halting in your tracks as you spotted him standing there. He'd furrowed his brows at you, frown etched on his face. "My cover's been blown, everyone knows about us!

He just looked even more confused, eyes squinting down at you as you raised a hand and layed it across your forehead dramatically. "What'd you mean?" He questioned, eyes darting around, seemingly searching for answers in the air around you both. "What, do people know we sleep together or something?"

You'd rolled your eyes, shoving him gently when you were close enough, beginning to walk away. "No, you doof," you chuckled. "Mr. Phelps ratted me out to my mom, told her that he saw us together the other day. I had to tell her that we were just delivering groceries for Pope's dad."

"Ah," JJ nodded, shooting you a mischievous grin. "We better go into hiding then, I'm thinking... log cabin in the mountains, all fur sheets and deer heads on the walls, ooh a hot tub too."

You laughed, "Trying to whisk me away there, Maybank?"

You were joking, but his eyes were surprisingly serious as he looked at you. "Always, Grubbs.")

The field was already packed full of people by the time the four of you arrived, groups of people scattered around, idle chatter filling the air. It was being held on the Kook side of the island, and your eyes swooped over the people, most of them being Kook's themselves, expensive clothing and an aura that just screamed, I'm better than you. It made you feel uneasy, but you tried not to think about it as Kiara led you through the crowds.

"I'm so glad they're still doing this," she tells you all, sighing happily. The faces of the guys revealed they were not nearly as happy to be there as she was, while you were simply just glad to be out of your house once again. "Keep calm, carry on. Back to normal, OBX life, y'know?" She stopped once she found a decent spot, turning to the three of you. "Aren't you guys glad I made you come?"

"Ecstatic." Pope deadpanned, sarcastic lull to his tone.

"My couch was pretty comfy." JJ piped up.

"I'm just happy to be out the house, I guess." You said.

You were aware why the guys were so uncertain about being there; it wasn't so long ago that Pope was sinking Topper Thorton's boat, you and JJ accompanying, and now you were all on his side of the island. Not only that, but you knew that if Topper was to discover that it was Pope who'd done his boat in, it wouldn't just be Topper that confronted him - it would be the full Happy Days Gang. Nothing was ever a fair game when it came to Kooks.

Kiara excused herself to go buy soda's from the conession stand, and you shifted as you seated yourself on the blanket you'd bought, having opted out of bringing a chair. You sat in front of JJ, his legs touching your back.

"What's wrong with you guys?" You turned your head when Pope and JJ began to whisper, the former's panicked eyes landing on you as you frowned at the pair.

"Topper and Rafe are on my ass," Pope revealed. "They know I sunk Topper's boat."

You sighed heavily, muttering a shit as JJ grabbed his friend by the arm, focusing his attention towards him. "They can't prove it, okay. Just deny, deny, deny."

Pope nodded along, muttering along with him as you watched the pair, before your eyes moved to Kie that arrived back, her eyes narrowing as she seated herself beside Pope. "Just saw Rafe," she informed, your blood running cold. You could practically feel JJ tense from behind you. "He said, and I quote, 'Tell your boy we know what he did'. What is that?"

"Um, where is he?" JJ questioned, his tone of voice revealing his hidden anxiety.

"Right there." Kiara nodded her head, right in the direction of where Rafe Cameron and his goons sat, as you, Pope and JJ whipped around, Pope practically turning his full body in their direction. You groaned as JJ desperately urged him to turn back round, and away from their taunting eyes.

"The whole death squad!" Pope exclaimed, anxiety riding off of him in waves.

"Don't stare, bro," JJ urged, hand wrapping around Pope's shoulders. You tuned out the rest of the blonde's words as he informed you all that he'd be coming out swinging if they were to corner him, and you felt dread build as you heard his last words. "If that doesn't work, I got this right here." He patted his bag.

"JJ, please tell me you did not bring a gun here," Kie practically begged. "JJ, there are kids!"

You focused your attention straight ahead of you as the guys continued to argue; Pope simply telling Kie that it might go down to her line of questioning, her brown eyes darting back and forth between you all. You refused to meet her eyes, however, and were glad when the large screen ahead of you suddenly lit up. "Oh, look," you exclaimed, laughing nervously. "The movie's starting."

And it was left at that - JJ whispering deny, deny, deny to Pope once more before you all turned your attention to the screen, trying to block out the intruding thoughts of having the knowledge that the gang of Kooks were staring you down, awaiting your next move like a predator would its pray.

All was going fine - the movie was good, everyone's attention on the black and white screen. You tried not to think about Rafe and Topper, or the gold or your dad, and definitely not the feel of JJ's legs either side of you, trapping you into his hold. You let yourself believe that everything would be okay, and then Pope had revealed he needed a piss, and everything had gone to shit.

JJ had accompanied him, and the two had set off behind the screen, hidden away from Rafe's watchful eyes. They hadn't done a good enough job to be discreet though, and you immediately took notice of Rafe, Topper and Kelce making their way towards the opposite side of the screen. You swore, catching Kie's attention as she questioned, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"Looks like that piss break just got a lot more complicated," you said, and realisation dawned on her face. It didn't take the pair of you long to locate the guys, all in various forms of fighting, as you and Kie screamed at them to stop. You grabbed Rafe's arm mid-swing, his fist raised and ready to send a hit to JJ's face from where Kelce had hold of him. "Stop it, you dick!"

You let out a scream as you were sent flying back from his shove, Rafe's blue eyes wild and crazed as he glared down at you. "Stay out of this, Grubbs!" He barked, and without a moments hesitation sent a fist hurling towards JJ's cheek.

Kiara had jumped on Topper's back from the small distance away from you, and you took a moment to ready yourself before hurtling towards Rafe from your crouched position, tackling him to the ground from his knees, effectively stopping his blows. He seemed stunned for a second, staring dazed up at you before he promptly threw you off of him, shoving you to the ground without a care. "Don't fucking touch me," he growled down at you, and you groaned slightly as the wind was knocked from you.

You heard JJ from somewhere above you, shouting insults at Rafe and repeating your name over and over. You lifted yourself from the ground just as Topper puts Pope in a headlock, his tight grip causing the dark skinned boys breath to leave him in choked gasps. You shoved at Rafe's back once more, sending him stumbling forward before he whipped around, hand reaching out and grabbing you by the face, tugging you so you stood nose-to-nose with him.

"I said," he ground out darkly, eyes boring into yours. "Don't fucking touch me."

You were beginning to fear what would come next before a sudden glow caught your eye from the side, the movie screen lighting up in harsh flames. Rafe dropped you, your hands moving to rub over the imprint he'd left, as you looked towards where Kie stood, JJ lighter in hand. Screams of terror echoed from the other side, as people began to flee, and it didn't take long for the three Kooks on your side to follow, sprinting quickly from the scene. Fucking cowards, you thought.

JJ's hands were on you before you could even blink, eyes earnest and worried as they looked over you, your cheeks red from the earlier grip Rafe had on you. "You good?" He asked you, slightly out of breath. You nodded, repeating the question to him. He smiled lightly. "Yeah, yeah. I'm good."

The night had ended promptly there, Kie dropping you off at your respected houses. You'd bid them all a good night, and as quietly as possible made your way into your home, not wanting your mother to see the marks imprinted on your face from Rafe's fingers. Luckily, she'd already been in bed, and it didn't take long for you to crawl into yours, thoughts of the day and a certain blonde running through your mind.

The next morning you'd met the gang (save for John B, who was still seemingly missing) at the Heyward's store; your morning had been spent desperately trying to hide the red marks that Rafe's fingers had left from your mom before she could notice and ground you in your room for the rest of your life. It had a been a success for the most part, and she asked no questions as you left the house, though you took note of her uncertain expression as you bid your goodbyes.

"Have you heard from John B?" You asked Kiara who was working closest to you. You had realised the brunette boy was missing from the group upon your arrival, and you couldn't help the worries in your mind at where he could be or what could have happened to him.

"No, nothing. Have you?" She returned the question, brown eyes meeting yours as you shook your head no, a short sigh falling from her lips. "Neither have the guys. What're you thinking?" Kiara eyed you, gaze suddenly sullen. "Do you think something's happened?"

"I don't know, Kie," you told her because honestly, you didn't. John B had a target on his back, that much was for sure. Son of Big John, once owner of the proclaimed death compass. Your mind thought back to the two men that had raised your home, and chased the guys on more than one occasion, and you couldn't help but think the worst. "I'm sure he's fine, though."

Kiara nodded, though she looked anything but sure. "Yeah, you're probably right." The pair of you continued on with your respected work, JJ's and Pope's voice trailing from somewhere in the store as they talked. "You're working Midsummers, right?"

You groaned, nodding. Kiara laughed at your sour expression. "Oh yeah, second year running. To be honest, I'm surprised they let me work it after last year, my customer service must be better than my right hand hook," you joked, chuckle escaping your lips as you thought back to the Midsummer's party the year before. Your dad had gotten you the gig, because he was a weasel like that - always talking people into getting what he wanted, and what he wanted was the gas bill to be paid, and his face just didn't fit the portfolio to be serving Kook's their drinks at their fancy party, and so it had left left to you to do just that.

The night had ended with Dean Kipp on his ass after his hand had fallen on your ass, and you'd been let off with a warning as the guy clutched his bloody nose and called you everything ranging from psycho bitch to slutty pogue. Your surprise was immense when you were offered a job again this year, and a large amount of the reason you'd said yes was just so you could see the look on his face when he saw you.

"He totally deserved that," Kiara remarked, grinning. You smiled back, the pair of you sharing a laugh as you returned to your work.

For a second, you let your worries wash away as you were pulled into a conversation with the gang, your spirts high for the first time in a while. You were happy, you realised. What had started off as being the worst period of your life was slowly turning into the best, the gang and treasure hunt a blessing in disguise. The four of you shared laughs and joked back and forth as you worked, and you found yourself to be perfectly content.

All that came crashing down when Pope's father entered the shop, police officer trailing behind him. "Hey, Pope! There's someone here to see you."

You stopped dead-on, the rest of the gang halting in their movements as you all stared towards the officer you recognised as Shoupe. "Evening, officer." Pope greeted, gulping.

"I have an arrear warrant for felony destruction of property," Deputy Shoupe approached your group, handing the said warrant to Pope's dad. From beside you, JJ tensed, and when you turned to look at him, his blue eyes glanced down at you, freshly beaten face pulled into an anxious grimace as his jaw clenched. Shoupe had gotten remarkably closer, hands reaching for the handcuffs placed on his belt. "Hands where I can see 'em."

Pope glanced desperately towards JJ, who shook his head quickly, his words, though unspoken, clear as day. Deny, deny, deny. But denying wasn't going to get Pope out of handcuffs, you decided as you stepped forward, tone pleading as you demanded, "Stop, you can't just do this!"

"Out of my way please, Miss Grubbs," Shoupe dismissed you, sounding almost bored as he shoved past you, beginning to handcuff Pope who can do nothing but allow it to happen, his anxious eyes focusing on one spot as reality began to sink in.

"What did he do, Shoupe?" Mr. Heyward questioned in disbelief, watching as his son was getting arrested in front of his very eyes.

"Take a look at the warrant," the cop said simply as he begun to tug Pope out of the store.

It was chaos. Everyone was shouting, demanding answers and hurling insults. JJ is screaming something about somebody paying him, Kiara is in your ear asking what the hell was going on, Mr. Heyward is hurtling questions towards both his son and Shoupe. Passbyers stared at the scene, whispering to each other as they walked by or stopped to watch. Everything blurred together, and you could do nothing but watch the scene unfold in front of you.

Those fucking assholes, you thought. Topper Thorton came to mind, tan skin and bleached ends, million dollar smile and designer clothes. You remembered his wild gaze as he held Pope in a headlock the night before, close to almost killing him. And yet he was off somewhere doing god knows what, probably shopping for a new boat to replace the one he'd lost, not that he probably cared all that much about it in the first place. Rafe Cameron's eyes entered your mind next, and you felt a shudder run through you as you remembered them boring into yours as he held your face frighteningly tight and close to his own.

JJ's voice was suddenly breaking through your stream of thoughts - "It wasn't him!" He was calling out, eyes directed on Shoupe who paused and turned toward him, Pope's face disbelieving from behind him. "It was me."

It sunk in then what JJ was trying to do, and you whirled around from his left, quickly shaking your head as you muttered, "JJ." He ignored you however, and stepped forward towards where the officer was standing, Pope still in his arms.

"He tried to talk me out of it," JJ continued. "But I was mad because he had just been beaten up, I was sick of those assholes from Figure Eight that I lost my shit." He was stood directly in front of Shoupe, almost boot-to-boot. You couldn't see his face from where you were, and you were almost thankful for the fact as you heard him direct his words to Pope, "I can't let you take the fall for what I did. You've got too much to lose."

"JJ, what are you doing?" Pope demanded. His face was confused, just as much in shock as the rest of you. For a second, his eyes leave JJ's and land on yours, a shaky breath leaving your lips as his eyes were practically pleading.

"I'm telling the truth, for once in my goddamn life, I'm gonna tell the truth," JJ announced loudly. "I took his old man's boat, too."

"What the hell?" Mr. Heyward questioned, though nobody paid him any mind. Your gaze was too focused on the unfolding scene of JJ Maybank taking the fall for something he most definitely do, and you could do nothing but watch it happen.

Your heart finally shattered when JJ's last words entered your ears, "He's a good kid. You know where I'm from."

He only looked back once as he was put into the handcuffs that previously held Pope, and that wasn't until he was shoved in the back of the police car and the door was slammed behind him. You walked closer towards it, hand on Pope's back as he watched his best friend get arrested for something he'd done, and you both knew it. When JJ glanced up and out of the window, bruised face clear behind the glass, his sea blue eyes caught yours and then he smiled.

The fucker.

You could only watch helplessly as the police car was driven away and out of sight, Pope throwing his cap down in a fit of anger as he stormed off, his dad calling after him, Kie landing to your right. The dark haired girl wrapped an arm around your shoulders, tugging you to her side gently.

"JJ'll be alright," she told you, voice confident though her face read anything but as she glanced in the direction the car had been driven off. "He always is."

But what, a voice in the back in your head nagged at you, if this time he wasn't?

And then it dawned on you: you actually really, generally, sincerely and whole-heartedly cared about JJ Maybank.

(And the thought scared you more than you would ever like to admit.)

& to the lovely people that asked to be tagged in this, love you all x @ponyboys-sunsets @mysticsthinking @danicarosaline

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank imagine #jj one shot #jj x reader #jj x you #jj maybank x y/n #jj x y/n #jj maybank #jj outer banks #jj imagine #obx jj #jj obx imagine #jj obx #obx imagine #obx fic #outer banks imagine #outer banks x you #outer banks x reader #outer banks #obx x reader #obx fanfiction #pope heyward #kiara carrera #john b routledge #rafe cameron #topper thornton #sarah cameron

[babineni]

The Path Not Traveled (part 2 of 2)

Sooo... ages ago I started writing my own take on Edér’s personal quest in Deadfire and I finally managed to kick my own butt to finish it. Here’s roughly 3800 words of... whatever this is.

Part 1 here:

Gaura took a deep breath as she left the Temple of Gaun, trying to clear the oppressive smell of mold and incense filling the sanctum. Just as she was about to take another, her nostrils were struck by a sweet and earthy scent she knew well.  Edér exhaled a puff of smoke when he felt her gaze on him and winked at her, trying convey some semblence of confidence. But Gaura still saw that he bit on the stem of his pipe slightly harder than he usually did.

'So... To the Gullet, then?' The Watcher let out a tired sigh. 'Wonderful.'

'At least this time we won't have to scour the place for decades old clues,' Edér tried to cheer themselves up. 'Though, at this point... wouldn't even be surprised, if we did.'

'This does feel a bit familiar,' Gaura added. If she had to be honest with herself, this was an understatement. The longer the search went on the stronger she felt it: that Edér once again gambled his peace and happiness on something that he would ultimately fail to reach. 'I just hope... Can you promise me something, Edér?'

'What?'

'If this reunion doesn't go the way you'd like... Can you promise me that you'd still come away with some measure of peace?' The Watcher gave the farmer an apoligetic look for her request.

He let smoke escape his mouth slowly, frowning, carefully processing his friend's words.

'Dunno. I'd just prefer if we left with what we came here for.'

'And what would that be?' Gaura crossed her arms.

'I told you...'

'I know what you told me. But you've gotta be more specific than that.'

Edér glared at the Watcher for a moment. Then he emptied his half-smoked pipe, cursing under his breath, and put it away.

'Y'know how I been rebuilding Dyrford for these few years? Was trying to make it a normal village. I wanted it to be the kinda place that really felt like the home we had before the war. In a way, I was... turning it into something like Gilded Vale used to be,' he rubbed a sore spot on the back of his neck. 'But it didn't feel the same.'

'I can think of a few reasons why you might've felt that way.'

'Yeah,' Edér chuckled somewhat bitterly, 'I do make it sound like I was turning Dyrford into something it wasn't but... that's not what really happened. And that's not what kept gnawing at me,' he averted his gaze from the Watcher almost as if he was ashamed. She waited for him to continue but the words did not come.

'It was you,' she guessed. 'You realized that... even if you managed to bring your old life back somehow,' Gaura cossed her arms and sighed sympathetically, 'you no longer would've had a place in it.'

'Dunno 'bout that,' he replied, 'haven't really felt I had a place anywhere for 15 years or so. I got used to it.' The veteran stayed quiet for a few moments. Gaura couldn't tell if he was pondering her words to find some new revelation about himself or if he was wondering if she spoke out of experience. 'But... I dunno maybe you're right.'

'And how does Elafa come into the picture?'

'She's...' Edér stopped himself to choose the words that followed cautiosly. 'She's pretty much the only person from Gilded Vale who knew me before the war and didn't see me anything other than who I was when I came back. If... If I'm gonna have a family one day... If I'm to give them a life free from the hate and violence that drove her away in the first place... Then I need her,' he let his head hang for a moment before he looked Gaura in the eye, his eyes full of clarity and sincerity. 'Because I can barely remember what that life was like.'

The Watcher's heart sunk and yet those words still left her with discomfort. 'So you want to move forward by going backwards and you just hope Elafa would remember your past for you?!'

'It's hardly fair, I know...'

'And it's really unhealthy.'

'I know, but I can't help it,' he stepped closer to her as he pleaded, 'and I'll try my hardest to make her happy in turn, I swe-'

Gaura raised a hand to silence him. 'It's not me you need to convince. I promised I would help.'

Edér let out a sigh of relief.

'But you gotta fill me in on what exactly went down between the two of you.'

'Yeah... Sure,' the farmer nodded somewhat awkwardly. Gaura gestured towards the stairway running beside the Temple of Gaun and leading to the bridge to the Gullet.

When the Defiant arrived at Neketaka, Edér asked the Watcher to go with him alone. Elafa was a suspicious sort, he said, and as strange as it felt to travel without her companions, Gaura was now grateful to be left alone to process Edér's recollections. He told her of all the times he asked Elafa to be more than just friends sharing a bed on occasion, and of all the times she said no. He told her of the day his parents left the Dyrwood and how he found himself back with his old Eothasian flock - or better to say what was left of it. He told her of the days leading up to the Purges in Gilded Vale. He told her of the Reaping, his reunion with Elafa, her Hollowborn son. He told her of the offer he made once again, and how Elafa said no. He told her of Elafa's escape. He told her of the offer he made for the last time and how, for the last time, she said no.

'I'm really sorry, Edér, for both of you,' Gaura knew how great an effort it was for her friend to open up to her like this, and she knew such a flimsy show of sympathy was probably an inadequate response.

Edér didn't seem to think the same. 'Don't be,' he said with a rueful smile. 'Should've told you about this a long time ago, I reckon. I just... Never been good at this sorta thing.'

'It's fine, I get it,' the Watcher swallowed thinking of all things she kept from Edér. All the fears she couldn't afford to show, the wear and tear she had to hide, the uncertainty that once defined her every waking moment but for the first time she wasn't sure how to adapt to it. She didn't know how long she stayed quiet as they walked beside one another, crossing the bridge that seemed endless.

'Promise me something, Edér,' Gaura broke the silence eventually. 'Promise me... that you stop looking to others to grant you peace. There are... things to which the world doesn't have an answer, but you still might find it within you. Promise me you'll start looking for those answers within.'

The Watcher looked to her friend, whose poorly concealed and uncharacteristic anxiety was now replaced with open worry.

'You don't think you can convince her, do you?'

'Even if I can, do you think things with her will turn out the way you want them to? That you can go back to the days before the war?'

Edér didn't respond. He looked at the bridge ahead and Gaura glimpsed a look on his face that she only ever saw once: five years before on the fields of ClÎaban Rilag, when she failed to give him the answers he desperately needed.

'I'm really sorry,' she apologized once more. She wasn't sure if she did it for the past or the present.

'Yeah, so am I,' he took out his pipe but this time his movements reflected resignation rather than just nerves. 'I know you mean well, and twenty years ago I would've been real grateful for the advice... Hel, I'm kinda grateful for it now... It's just that...'

'I know. It hurts like Hel. But with Eothas out there, doing who knows what... It's probably not the best idea to make anyone an anchor,' the Watcher scratched her chest right above her chimes.

Edér chuckled. 'Yeah, I definitely needed to hear that twenty years ago.'

'Ugh, twenty years ago... I didn't even have my horns yet,' the Watcher remembered. 'I was just a squishy ball of flame.'

'You still are.'

Gaura elbowed him in the side, prompting him to laugh. She couldn't help but laugh with him. None of them said anything for a moment but they both knew they needed that laugh. Then the moment passed.

'Can't promise anything,' Edér said. 'I was told I shouldn't make anchors.'

'Wow. I guess, I should be glad you listened.'

The sun was already setting by the time they reached the Gullet. Gaura wasn't surprised to see all the Dawnstars walking around aimlessly. The Rauataians either stayed at Hasongo or left for the Brass Citadel. The Children of the Dawnstars, however, only had the Temple of Gaun to themselves, and when that filled up, there was only one option left.

'Let's start with The Hole,' the Watcher suggested, 'if she isn't there, we'll check the Sanctuary. If she isn't there, we'll start asking around.'

Edér, however, wasn't listening. His gaze was fixed on a lanky boy with brown hair and freckles so prominent that Gaura could see them even from a distance. The farmer swallowed hard, then approached him. The Watcher had to skip to keep up with his long and determined strides.

'Hey, kid,' he called out. When the boy met Edér's gaze, he stopped in his tracks and whatever confidence he had disappeared in a second.

'Fine day to you,' the boy spoke cautiously. He took a double take at the flames framing Gaura's head then forced his gaze back to Edér. ' Is... there something I can help you with?'

'I'm looking for someone. Uh... She's my age, about this tall, always wears her hair in braids, she's got freckles just like yours...' Edér's words replaced the look of caution with a look suspicion on the boy's face, but he didn't seem to notice. 'Her name is Elafa. Elafa Maesy.'

'What do you want with her?'

'Nothing bad, I'm an old friend of hers,' Edér slightly lifted his empty palms.

'I know all of mother's friends and you don't look like any of them,' the boy crossed his arms.

'Oh...' the veteran froze for a fraction of a moment. 'You really are her son... Just as I thought,' the boy raised an eyebrow at Edér, prompting him to continue. 'I've known her before you were born. Has she never mentioned me? Edér? Teylegc? From Gilded Vale?'

The boy's eyes widened slightly and stepped forward, interested. 'She mentioned Gilded Vale before, but only like it was a slip of the tongue. I could never get her to talk about it.'

'Yeah... she didn't exactly leave under pleasant circumstances.'

The boy frowned. 'And how do I know she wasn't running from you?'

'Well, you don't,' Edér scratched the back of his head. 'Huh, you've got her spirit.'

The boy's frown deepened.

'You just need to trust us,' Gaura said. 'And we're a trustworthy bunch, just ask anyone here.'

The boy cocked his head at the Watcher and watched her silently for a short while. Then he gasped as if a realization dawned on him.

'You're the Captain of that Dyrwoodan ship! The Defiant, was it? Everyone is talking about you here.'

'We might've helped out a bit,' Gaura gave him a knowing smile.

'I... suppose... you're not here to start trouble then, the boy turned back to Edér. 'We're renting a room in The Hole. Mother is probably there, she doesn't like being out in such a crowd.'

'But the Gullet is always crowded,' the Watcher added.

'Exactly,' the boy smiled at her, satisfied with his display of wit.

'Just one more thing: what's your name, kid?' Edér asked.

'Bearn.'

'How old are you, Bearn?'

'I'm turning 17 soon, why?'

Edér's expression darkened as he made his calculations.

'Then... you're too young... Never mind, thanks for your help,' he rushed past the boy, leaving him dumbfounded.

'Uh, I gotta catch up to him,' Gaura gestured towards her companion. 'We'll be docked at Queen's Berth for the next couple of days, if you wanna chat. Bye.' She quickly said her goodbyes and gently pushed her way through the crowd slowly forming around her.

Edér was already talking to the innkeeper by the time the Watcher reached him. He took a deep breath and reached for his pipe, but just as he was about to light it, he stopped. He stared at nothing in particular, then he put away the pipe and looked at Gaura.

'You might get yelled at, so... Sorry about that in advance.'

'I'm used to it, but thanks,' the Watcher replied with a reassuring smile. Edér made his best effort at returning it then he stood up to guide her to Elafa's room. 'Ready?' Gaura asked as they stood facing the plain wooden door.

'Not really,' he said as he knocked.

There was no reply.

'Elafa?' Edér called out. 'It's me, Edér. Remember me?'

Still, there was no reply, but Gaura glimpsed a shadow moving under the door. She turned to Edér who gave her a nod - he noticed it too.

'I know, it's been a while but uh... Got some business here in the Deadfire and I thought I'd come and see you. Been to Hasongo too. I uh... I'm really sorry for what happened there.'

The door still didn't open but Elafa was standing right behind it, Gaura was sure of it.

'Maybe she can see us, too,' she whispered to Edér.

'Oh, right,' he aswered before he turned his attention back to the door. 'I'm here with a friend. Best one I made in years. No need to worry about her, she can be trusted.'

For a moment there was silence and then...

'You still believe in friendship? After everything that's happened?'

Edér was left speechless for a moment. The Watcher saw about a dozen different emotions flashing across his face, finally setting on a mixture of relief and tenderness.

'I missed your voice.'

Elafa hesitated with her answer.

'You didn't answer my question.'

'Sorry, I got a bit... Yeah, I learned to believe in it again.'

The door finally opened. However as soon as Elafa's gaze fell on the Watcher's face, she pulled out a pistol and pointed it right at her head.

'Charmed, I’m sure,' Gaura let out an exasperated sigh.

'Elafa, there's no need-'

'You're "making friends" with Magranites now?!' Elafa's voice rang with fury and old heartbreak.

'I'm not a-'

'What's that supposed to mean?' Edér asked before Gaura could protest.

'You know godsdamned well! But I never thought you would bed someone who would hunt us,' Elafa's gun wavered in front of Gaura's face. She shot a confused look at Edér who replied with an equally confused shrug.

'I think you got the wrong idea about us,' the Watcher said. 'And especially about me.'

'Is that so?' Elafa laughed bitterly. 'Then just who are you supposed to be?'

'Gaura, Captain of the Defiant, the Watcher of Caed Nua, the Herald of Berath and a friend of Edér's.'

Elafa's expression slowly softened. She turned to Edér for a moment who nodded in agreement with the Watcher. She lowered the pistol as she turned her gaze back to Gaura.

'Then... You're the one who ended the Legacy.'

'That's me. Edér helped too. A lot.'

'I was target practice for her enemies,' he joked. But Elafa didn't laugh.

'If you'd done it sooner, I'd have two sons now instead of one.'

Gaura looked away for a moment, trying to hide her guilt. This was not the first time she had to face the sorrow of a mother whose child has been taken by the Legacy, only to see their neighbors' restored. It hasn't gotten easier.

'I'm sorry I couldn't help your child. But I can help you and your other son now.'

'We're hunting Eothas now,' Edér explained. 'Whatever he's up to, we'll make sure he doesn't get to hurt you or Bearn. You have my word.'

'As well as mine.'

Elafa looked to Edér and scoffed. 'Again you're fighting our god. You really haven't changed.'

'You got tougher, though. Looks good on you,' the comment has earned him a faint smile.

'And you still make clumsy moves, I see.'

Gaura watched silently as the tension between her friend and his old flame started to relieve. She was just about to offer to leave them alone when Elafa invited them both into her room. There was barely enough space in there for two beds and a table with some stools.

'So what brings you to the sunniest spot in Neketaka?' Elafa made a poor effort at humor as they got seated.

'You, pretty much,' the Watcher answered.

Elafa blinked at her in disbelief. 'You really came down here, just to meet up? How did you even know I was here?'

'That's... a long story,' Edér added. 'But it's true. Just wanted to catch up, is all.'

Elafa stared at the farmer's hand for a few moments. Edér rubbed an old scar there when he felt her gaze on the back of his hand.

'I remember the last time we just had some catching up to do,' she said.

'Yeah, me too.'

'Didn't even matter, in the end. The babe died on the way to New Heomar. He was... too frail to handle the journey.'

Edér shifted his weight uncomfortably, and Gaura caught a glimpse of sorrow in his eyes.

'Really sorry to hear that,' he said.

Silence spread in the room, and grew more and more suffocating with each second passed. The relief the Watcher sensed earlier was gone and she again found herself wanting to leave.

'Did you ever regret it?' Edér eventually asked the question that hung heavily in the air. 'That you didn't let me come along?'

Elafa just watched him for a while, trying to figure out how to respond.

'There was one night. When the mobs took my husband. I thought back how you fought those guards to help me and my son escape. I thought... maybe you could've saved him too.'

Edér quietly acknowledged the answer and reached for his pipe. 'You mind?' he asked. Elafa shook her head. The veteran lit the pipe and took a long draw from it. The way he exhaled the smoke almost seemed like a sigh.

'So you got married.'

'Had a son, was widowed, sailed out to start over,' Elafa chuckled ruefully. 'I'm getting real good at that last bit.'

Edér kept nodding to himself. Gaura elbowed him in the side and gave him a pointed look. When he didn't seem to catch her meaning she spoke up.

'We could help you with that actually. Well... Edér could. I currently live on a sloop.'

Elafa raised an eyebrow at the Watcher. 'How so?'

'I left Gilded Vale too,' Edér finally found his voice. 'Settled down in Dyrford instead and became the mayor. We... still got a few empty plots of land. Free for anyone willing to take care of them.'

'And you think I'd want to take on that offer, huh?' Elafa said bitterly. 'Y'know when we left New Heomar, we could've gone anywhere in the world. We could've stayed in the Dyrwood, we could've stayed in the Eastern Reach. But we came here instead.'

'Guess, that's a no.'

'That, it is.'

Gaura sighed and leaned forward on her stool. 'Elafa, you left before Eothas came to Hasongo, so you probably don't know the state the outpost is in. It's... not good. Even if it was possible to rebuild everything as it was, would it not be wiser to consider your options?'

'I have considered them: I get to choose between uncertainty in a safe community or comfort surrounded by people ready to backstab me at any moment...'

'I would never let that happen, Elafa,' Edér's tone was tense but sincere.

'I know,' she smiled at him, 'but I can neither ignore nor forget what happened in the last twenty years. I'd rather face hardship here than what I've left behind.'

'So you're just gonna run?'

'And you're just gonna hold on to something that is long gone. Why do you think I refused to let you come along?' Elafa looked Edér in the eye and sighed, bracing herself. 'Edér, no matter how sweet you were... Nothing could've worked between us. Not after the war. I was willing to adapt but you... you tried so hard not to let the war change you. It was endearing but... That was it. I couldn't be like you and I couldn't take this away from you.'

'Why, that is good to know,' Edér said with gritted teeth after a few moments that felt like an eternity. 'And it would've been good to know twenty years ago too,' he stood up. 'Y'know there was a lot I was willing to do for you... There still is... '

'I can tell,' Elafa seemed strangely heartbroken as she spoke, 'which is why I think you should go.'

'Agreed.'

'But I...' Gaura wanted to protest but neither Edér nor Elafa seemed interested in what she had to say. She sighed as she stood up as well. 'You see, Caed Nua may be gone, but know that you have a place by my hearth wherever that may be. Edér's friends are my friends.'

'I can see why he likes you,' Elafa glanced at Edér leaving the room. 'Take care of him, will you.'

'Yeah and you take care too,' the Watcher flashed a quick and apologetic smile at her before she left as well.

Gaura hurried after the farmer down the hallway. She caught up to him at the base level of The Hole. He didn't seem particularly angry or sad. Just tired. 'Sorry about how things went down back there,' she approached him. 'I should've done more...'

'Hey, cut it out,' he gave her a faint half-smile. 'You've done more than enough. Guess, you were right about... Well... Everything.'

Gaura wasn't sure what else she could've said. So she embraced him without another word. Edér hugged her back, hesitantly at first, then so tightly it nearly hurt.

'Edér, you're squeezing the soul outta me.'

'Sorry about that. Lemme buy you a pint as a proper apology,' he inclined his head towards the bar.

'A pint of the swill from here? You're trying to kill me?'

The veteran managed to laugh at that. It was a half-hearted laugh at best, but it was something. Gaura could work with that. Whatever small measure of peace she could help him achieve was worth the effort.

#pillars of eternity #watcher wednesday #edér teylecg #gaura sélfolgh #oc fic: gaura #this is really all over the place but it's also the longest piece of fic I wrote in a long time #so idk #sorta proud sorta not #poe fic #Wrytinge™

[edds-fuxking-corner]

dear diary, it's been a while

so my doctor told me a while back I have insulin resistance and vitamin D deficiency (which explains a lot) and I'm sure sth is going on with my cycle bc I keep feeling like shit before my period. the only time I didn't feel like shit was the previous month, when I'd fixed my diet but then I got covid and food poisoning and went on vacation and now I'm back home alone and its fucked up again and idk if I have the willpower to bring it under control again especially when there aren't others around (I rlly have to look more into this shit i do, acting "proper" when others can see what I do)

so anyways that was supposed to be a catch-up but I started thinking again. now time for the venting

so one of my friends got on my nerves bc I felt like she acted bitter towards me going on vacation this specific time (I mean, these were the dates my brother was free). and I got more mad when the few times we hang out she'd message her other friends of her bf and listen to their am and answer them with her own am but when I'd send her an am and she was with her other friends she'd always tell me she can't listen to it bc she'd outside. and then she was supposed to go to the city on Tuesday so i planned to leave the earliest I could, on Wednesday, and she ended up leaving on Thursday and staying with her bf until today, when she was supposed to come to me but she ended up going back to her own house bc her brother would come back and she didn't want her folks to find out she was in the city I live. and I hate this, I feel neglected, I feel like she keeps choosing others over me, but I can't tell her anything abt it because she listens to me, she helped me when I broke down and when we thought I had covid, she started using my name and pronouns right away and she was very understanding when I came out and she's really fucking amazing and supportive and I feel like i'm asking too much already and I'm just looking at a gifted donkey's teeth

and then there's my other friend, it's also a similar situation with them. when we were hanging out the other day, after MONTHS, they kept texting to their bf but now I've send them messages since more than ten hours ago but they haven't even read them and a mutual friend has uploaded pics of them so ik they're awake and fine, they've just decided what is more important, and I guess that's not me. and I can't talk to them either abt it because they've also been really supportive and they've been there for me so long, but also because, xue to their trauma, they'd feel guilty and if what I'm feeling is true, they wouldn't admit it bc they're a people pleaser

I just want to stop talking to everyone, stop texting first and see who will text me just to text me, not to ask for help or advice or to vent. I wanna leave and be by myself, that way I can't be hurt by anyone

ye and taking abt this, today I went to get some engineering notes from a dude and after I got them I realised I hadn't registered on those two classes in which I have rlly good notes, so I can't take part in the exams, and those two exams were the only ones I was sure I'd pass, so now I have to study for the harder ones and I started getting anxious and afraid that I won't pass and I started thinking "well I won't pass anyway so why try?" and I hate this i hate this so much i wanna start studying, I wanna learn, i wanna pass my fucking classes but I'm too afraid of failure to even try and I want this to stop

also I've asked my brother if he'd belf me find a psychologist and he said yes but knowing him he'll just forget it however many times I remind him so ye what even us the point of living Lmfao most things feel just like a simulation anyway

#August 2021

[cimeriansparrow]

Ik not many people will read this, and that's completely ok; and ik my boyfriend won't see this bc he doesn't exist on the internet, and it isn't anything bad, it's just kind of soft and I want to appreciate him for a moment.

I haven't been doing too well mentally the past few weeks. I'm anxious and I'm scared and I'm sad. I can't pinpoint a singular specific reason why, but I know the school year starting again soon and the fact that I'll get to see John less and less are two huge factors.

I can't remember why I cried on him the other day, but he let me lay on his chest and he held me through it and he made me give him a big hug so I wouldn't curl up and shut down. I never calm down from crying as fast as I do when he holds me. It's honestly kind of remarkable, how you can find a person in your life that is so comforting that you simply cannot cry any longer.

I cried on him today because I had unintentionally made him feel unwanted. And when he pointed it out to me, I felt horrible, and despite trying not to cry, I did.

It was made worse by the fact that he had somewhere to be, and he very much likes being punctual. But he grabbed me and held me and told me he wasn't going anywhere until he could help get me through it, and he just let me cry on him until the tears ran out. He told me it was ok, to which I immediately responded that it wasn't ok, I had hurt his feelings- but he told me yes, it is ok. I know you didn't do it on purpose, so that's why I told you about it so we can avoid it in the future.

He isn't the type of person to take shit from anybody, and that comes from his job and just what standards he holds for himself and others. But he's given me opportunity after opportunity to learn and grow from my mistakes, he's shown me more patience than I ever thought could exist, especially in a relationship, and he takes care of me when I feel unwell (physically or mentally). It lets me know that he cares about me. I'm always worried that I'm too much, too loud or too stubborn, or even if I'm not enough, not pretty enough, not tough enough. Even though he teases, John constantly reassures me that he likes me, that he likes being with me, that he likes my quirks, and that I'm learning to be comfortable with myself and my oddities. It's because of him that I'm able to become more comfortable with myself. I have never been treated with such kindness or affection, so it means everything to me that he's decided that I'm worth the affection and the kindness and his time. I never thought I'd get to even be friends with him, when I first met him, and now we see each other so often it's hard to be apart.

Anyway though, I just wanted to say that I care about him so much, and I'm so thankful for him and every facet of him

#. #my post #txt #romantical #John Chronicles

[does-bella-like-me]

hi can i request all of the twilight saga asks you haven't done yet

Ooooo man here we go. You asked for this, literally:)

1) favorite character?

Basically all of them (except Mike Newton and Lauren AKA gross plot devices), but Renesmee in particular.

2) favorite book?

Breaking Dawn because besides Twilight it’s the only one I’ve reread like 100 times.

3) favorite movie?

New Moon because SOUNDTRACK and there’s some really good filmography in it.

4) favorite book moments?

-Bella realizing that Edward was just trying to tire her our in BD so she will be too tired to try to seduce him hahahaha-every time that Bella tries to/wants to physically fight someone-New Moon Reunion

5) favorite movie moments?

-EVERY TIME THERE WAS A MONTAGE OF PAST SCENES. ESPECIALLY THE CREDIT SCENES IN BD PT.2. I cry every time and the montage during the transformation scene that shows Bella’s present to her birth is so beautiful and the soundtrack oh my.-The sound Bella makes when she hits the rock in New Moon.-How good Bella looks in Eclipse, like how do you make a girl who was already really pretty glow up I don’t get it.

6) books in order from favorite to least favorite

Breaking Dawn, Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse.

7) movies in order from favorite to least favorite

New Moon, Breaking Dawn Pt.1, Twilight, Breaking Dawn Pt.2, Eclipse. (Look Eclipse is just… I lost the book halfway through reading it and I didn’t actively search for it lets put it that way. I eventually found it but it was literally months later)

8) book or movie moments that made you the most mad?

-Literally every Bella/Jacob kiss. (Sorry Jacob ily but..no, just… no.) Especially the like the TWO in Eclipse but also the one that was against Bella’s will was the one I hated the most.-Edward screaming “YOU’VE LEFT ME NO CHOICE” in BD pt.1, like, uhmmm… fuck you boo.-Edward taking out parts from the thing (aka Bella’s truck) so that she won’t see Jacob in Eclipse.-Alice and Jasper leaving in Breaking Dawn. Like I get why but it still felt like they could’ve SAID SOMETHING RIGHT???

9) book or movie moments that made you the most sad?

-New Moon.To be specific, The utter downward spiral that Bella goes through. Also her freaking out when Renee and Charlie try to make her move….-END CREDITS OF BD PT.2 look they’re trying to fuck me up let’s be real.

10) opinions/thoughts on life and death?

So when I first read it (like….. 4 or 5 months ago??? I was really late to the game) I hadn’t read twilight in a long time so I didn’t notice all of the similarities that are there. I actually really like it despite that and the Edward/Beau Edythe/Bella ships give me life. The ending was what it needed to be so that Stephanie Meyer wouldn’t get like hounded to make more.

11) do you prefer the books or the movies?

I love the books for generally being better than the movies but I love the emotional impact of the movies and their soundtracks so I gotta say movies which is an unpopular opinion because the books are definitely better but…. SOUNTRACKS MAN…..

12) favorite character casting(s)?

Probably Renesmee but like AFTER they got the real actress for her and not the CGI baby monster thing they had going there. Also SETH and LEAH I love them so much. Also Jasper and Charlie, both are so pure I love them.

13) least favorite character casting(s)?

Pretty much all of the Cullens lmao but probably Carlisle the most. Peter Facinelli I love you but you’re so old and it makes me forget that Carlisle is like stuck at, what is it 23??? And Esme like… I love Elizabeth Reaser too but again they both look like they’re in their mid 30’s and it kind of takes away from the effect of them looking out of place and being in a strange situation by adopting all of these (supposed to be) teens. Also I don’t really like Taylor Lautner when he’s supposed to be just a normal kid bc again he seems too buff even thought he really wasn’t but as beefcake Jacob he’s great. Look I could go on and on about this so I’ll stop now.

14) favorite songs from the soundtracks?

OOOO BOY THIS IS MY FAVORITE QUESTION. Look I love music, like that’s all I care about 90% of the time and the soundtracks ARE ALL SO GOOD (Esp New Moon). I do have a few favorites lmao-Hearing Damage by Thom Yorke-Possibility by Lykke Li-Roslyn by Saint Vincent & Bon Iver -Full Moon by The Black Ghosts-Spotlight by Mutemath-Shooting the Moon by OK Go(Plus like all of the songs on the scores)

15) what’s one thing you would change about the saga?

I’ve been thinking recently about what about the saga I don’t like the most, and what I could change that would make the most impact and I feel like if the moral of the story was something healthy and actually something suitable for the young adult/teen audience that it’s meant for then that would change a lot about it. There’s always something to be learned from a story and something the author is trying to show society and if there was a bigger focus on a healthy lesson like self love, experiencing trauma but then healing properly and growing from it, or the way humans need platonic, nonromantic relationships and not just a hyper focus on romantic relationships to be happy in life, then the series would’ve been VERY different.

16) (already answered)

17) which character would you be best friends with?

Probably Angela hahaha. Irl I tend to be shy and introverted so Angela and I would understand each other very well.

18) which characters would you probably not get along with?

Well I don’t like to be told what to do with my life. I’m a really independent person who takes friendly advice but it really makes me mad when people tell me straight up what to do, so if Alice came up to me and started trying to change how I live and my wardrobe and such I would NOT do well with that.

19) (already answered)

20) favorite wolf?

Leah could punch me in the face and I would thank her.

21) favorite human?

Angela :)

22) favorite Volturi?

Marcus because I too wish for death on a daily basis.

23) would you rather be a wolf or vampire?

Vampire. I don’t sleep or go outside in the sun anyways so there’s not much of a stretch. It’s gotten so bad that my family calls me a vampire sometimes.

24) what would you want your special vampire power/ ability to be?

Well if Carlisle’s theory holds true and a gift is supposed to be an amplification of some trait one had when they were human (except for Benjamin and Kate like… what???) Then mine would have to be something related to music/singing. Invisibility would be really cool but also a very very insane ability to have. I’d have to think really long and hard before I gave a concrete answer to that.

25) what would you want your wolf fur to look like?

First thought: black like my soul Second thought: Gray

26) would you want to join the Volturi?

No thank you but I appreciate the gesture.

27) if you were a vampire, would you follow a “vegetarian” diet? How would you go about your life?

Yeah I’d be a vegetarian because I’m a not so secret hippie and I don’t like the idea of killing people OR animals, so I’m fucked but I’ll just lower my morals a bit and probably not hunt those poor animals unless i HAD to. As in I’d stretch out time between hunts until it wasn’t a good idea for me to be doing that anymore. Also I don’t really know how I would spend my life, probably just doing the equivalent of watching t.v. and hanging out. Maybe if some dogs liked me then I’d adopt a few but like… short lives. I’m generally against the idea of living forever because I don’t think i could be entertained for that long ever.

28) your opinion on imprinting?

First thought: How convenient…. I don’t know it’s complicated. I enjoy the idea of how easy and effortless it is, like I automatically get someone who loves me??? Cool! But also the lack of control is concerning. Also imprinting on a baby is just. It could’ve been explained better tbh.

29) favorite couples and/or friendships?

-The Jasper/Emmett bromance gives me life. - Edythe/Bella & Edward/Beau just is so pure I love it.

30) (already answered)

[107ths]

All the 1s you haven't answered, except those 2 where I have to be creative with the Qs.

an oh god this is going under a cut

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? uh yeah sometimes but then i like realize i’m not that creative and it’s fine lmao

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? oh shit like 3/4 tbh the dark makes me v v uneasy

3. The person you would never want to meet? dogland trimp

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? maybe a bonzai bc they’re small n high maitenence 

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? Yikes(tm)

7. What shirt are you wearing? a like navy blue crop top and a flannel???

8. What do you label yourself as? lots of things idk,,, trying to hard for one

9. Bright room or dark room? dark room?? weirdly enough

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? playing stupid flash games and generally being bored out of my mind

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? i kinda like 19 ngl

12. Who told you they loved you last? my best friend

14. What is your current desktop picture? a picture of some mountain with “someday you’ll blow us all away” in fancy writing it’s v nice 

15. Do you like someone? i like a lot of ppl nice cop out

16. The last song you listened to? HUMBLE.

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? maybe my sister so i can force her to relax lmao

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional) i really like my hair i guess?

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? i mean i would assume that i’d just look like a more stereotypically masculine version of myself i think that’s how that could work.,,, unless there’s like a character customization screen bc then idk but i’d probably just like,,, enjoy having rights lmao

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? no not really i’m pretty cut and dry

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? mirrors i guess

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. jokes on you i really only eat like ham sandwhiches like i don’t combine things too often lmao

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? i’ll get a sidney crosby jersey probably

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? first of all,,, why would an angel be offering me a lifetime supply of alcohol? second,, smirnoff vodka bc u can put that shit in anything

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? don’t be a dick

29. What is your favorite expletive? it’s fuck it’s gotta be fuck

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my guitar probs

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? i’ve had a p decent life bud like the only horrible thing to every really happen to me is i got stitches one time

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! idk maybe canada?? u never here abt canada getting into shit

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? is this like a real-deal thing or more of a resurection stone thing bc if it’s the latter no one that would be awful. if it’s the former idk there’s a girl from my school who got in a real bad wreck n she was really sweet so

34. What was your last dream about? dude i don’t even know it’s been a While

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yeah for those stitches i mentioned earlier

37. Have you ever built a snowman? kinda?

38. What is the color of your socks? grey w black dots

39. What type of music do you like? anything tbh like literally anything

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunsets

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? chocolate

42. What football team do you support? pats for american and atl untd for soccer

43. Do you have any scars? yeah one on my forhead from the stitches and a couple on the backs of my hands from accidentally burning them

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? i wanna be some type of surgeon probably cardio or trauma tbh

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? i’d probably get rid of my anxiety tbh

46. Are you reliable? i’d say so

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? how goes it?

48. Do you hold grudges? like a motherfucker dude

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? like,,, a unicorn just so that we’d finally have unicorns n everyone could shut up abt them

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? i’m a pretty awkward person so i’ve had a fair few tbh

51. Are you a good liar? when it counts

52. How long could you go without talking? probably a v long time tbh

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? i used to have a bowlcut when i was a v small child

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? i bake my own cake deadass every year

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? uh, i can do a okay british one, a p good GA one, a solid SC one, n a subpar irish one

56. What do you like on your toast? butter?

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? i doodle a lot so idrk

58. What would be you dream car? some all matte black sportscar bc all i car abt is the aesthetic

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. i really,,, d ont??? idk why

60. Do you believe in aliens? i think it’s pretty stupid and anthropocentric not to

61. Do you often read your horoscope? i only read the ridiculous tumblr ones

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? Q was the first one that came to mind so

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dragons wtf they breathe fire

64. What do you think about babies? they’re alright as long as i don’t have to deal w them when they cry

#ask meme #are u even gonna read this smh #Anonymous