svnflowermoon

[svnflowermoon]

AND my teacher said something about an hour of math homework A DAY and i literally just fell into a pit of despair like uh i can't focus for an hour???? let alone on maths???? and I've just been at school for 6 hours all I physically feel like doing is collapsing on my bed

why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????

#luc posts #i genuinely felt so much despair like i am actually incapable kf focusing for that long i cant do that #somronr explain to me how normal people function like am i just lazy

[svnflowermoon]

Because I've recently had one of those "your experiences are not universal" moments, please humor me

#not from us and more than 10

[svnflowermoon]

why can i literally not function at school like i swear i'm trying i just can't focus????

#luc posts #like i take notes but then i get bored and the doodle on the side of my page thst was meant to take 5 seconds took 10 minutes :( #and then im lost and bc im lost i get all fidgety and i keep doodling and then jts just a cycle #if i work for 20 minutes i feel like ive ran a marathon and i have to take a 40 minutes drawing/staring into the distance break #and im gonna fail maths but theres literally nothing i can do no matter what i do I can't focus for over 20 minutes at a time #and then its the end of class and i feel guilty bc oh i didnt do any work :( like i feel bad and i want to fix it but idk whats wrong so ho #can i fix it if i dont know whats wrong with meeeee #ugh #it literally makes me want to cry am i just lazy is that what it is am i literally useless why cant i work #like i was so ahead kf the average grades and i never learnt to study and now ugh i dont know how to function so i just dont #and it doesn't help that my friends are all geniuses #like they complain about their one mark away from full marks and im just like OH MY GOD if i could just focus then i coukd do so well #likr ok i guess i wont mention tjst i failed that test bc yall sre complaining about getting one mark off fukl makrs #likr fuckkkk okay i have so mucb potential why di i waste jt :((((( #i hate school so mucb #i genuinely consider dropping out sometimes like I CANT DO THIS hiw do these peiole di ut how hiw how someone tell me how to function #like these peiole getting top marks withiut eben truijgn and i tyr and i cant fishcis so i fail snd then ufh i want to die #bc its so embarassing i eas like top 10% of the class a few years ago and now i just cant function like how do these peiple do itso #someone explain ot me how oieolem focus and dony get distracted and ginish things kike ugh

[svnflowermoon]

SABRINA CARPENTER - emails i can't send new outtakes (x)

#sabrina 💌

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[svnflowermoon]

girls dont want bad boys, they want a man who will immediately help them pin the murder they committed on a serial rapist

#agggtm

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a weighted blanket is not enough please compress me into a .zip file

[svnflowermoon]

looks up at you with big eyes do i really have to have money to survive or can i be a useless faggot forever

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i have not stopped laughing at this

#taylor 🪩

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I’m dying to know...is it killing you like it’s killing me? ☁️🌷🌙😇✨💌

[svnflowermoon]

they should invent talking with a friend that doesnt require a conversation topic or the ability to otherwise come up with things to say

[svnflowermoon]

The Hallway Mirror

description: i literally wrote this for english class and was proud so decided to post it here lol. prompt was 'gothic literature using the motif of a reflection' if that helps

When Mother saw me in my new gown this afternoon, she’d said that I looked like a beautiful swan. When Estelle Beaumont glided into the lavishly decorated ballroom, blonde curls cascading over her shoulders, I’m fairly certain I bore more resemblance to a duck. 

Mortified by my complete and utter plainness, I retreated into the crowd, aiming to slink away to a corner where I could glower at my cousin from a distance. As most of the people present were preoccupied with the way Estelle’s dress sparkled in the light of the candelabra overhead, I found it an easy task. Although Mother had expressly forbidden me from leaving the ballroom– “It’s all well and good for you to run off at other people’s events, but we are hosting tonight and you are not to make us look foolish, Jane Reynolds!”– she had not forbidden watching from the side like the pathetic duck I was. 

Unfortunately, keen eyesight was among Estelle’s many blessings. 

“Jane, darling! You must come and see the ring that Lord Wethershaw proposed with,” her joyful voice called, soaring over the crowd. Reluctantly, I turned, plastering a grin on my face and widening my eyes in false glee as Estelle rushed to my side. With a giggle, she thrust her left hand towards my face. 

“Look!” she squealed, waggling her ring-adorned finger at me. It was gorgeous, the thin silver band topped with a stunning pink diamond, a legion of small white gemstones encircling it like soldiers guarding their queen. Lord Wethershaw must have known her well– it fitted perfectly. The small crowd that had gathered around ooh-ed and aah-ed their admiration, and I forced myself to join in. 

“Oh, Estelle, it is simply beautiful! Of course,” I added with a stiff laugh, “so is the rest of you. Wouldn’t you all agree?” Again, the crowd gushed their approval, Estelle’s cheeks flushed pink in delight, and I took that as my cue to leave. 

Alas, despite all Estelle’s charm, she seemed unable to recognise that I did not desire to be within a two-hundred-mile radius of festivities– particularly ones related to her, my cousin who was getting married first despite being a year my junior. 

“Jane, I adore your gown! Where did you get it?” 

Heat rushed to my face. What point was she trying to make? There she stood, in a custom-made gown that rustled elegantly as she floated across the ballroom floor, and she was complimenting my dress. She was better than me in every way, yet still felt the need to offer me a pity tribute as salt in the wound– what sick satisfaction could she get out of that? I felt myself begin to panic, my heart beating so fast it could’ve been trying out for the Kentucky Derby as the gathered audience waited expectantly for my answer. 

In a futile attempt at composing myself, I gestured vaguely before managing to stammer out “I, uh, don’t quite remember. I should go–” before fleeing the scene, ducking and weaving my way through the throng of people to get to the large oak doors. Ignoring the confused looks from the crowd, I slipped through the gap, and escaped their judgemental eyes. Immediately, the oppressive heat in my face eased, and the gallops of my heartbeats slowed to a nervous trot. 

I glanced back at the doors to the ballroom, but couldn’t bring myself to go back inside that glittering hellscape. Certain that I had made a fool of myself, I desperately looked around for the nearest escape. Luckily, the ballroom was near the exit, and a mere hallway was the road to my freedom. My steps were quiet as I hastened for the door, the plush carpet beneath my feet swallowing the click of my heels. 

As I got further from the ballroom, the light drained until the hallway was nearly pitch-black. The weak flickers of the wall-mounted candles didn’t do much to dispel the shadows creeping down from the ceiling, and a sudden chill penetrated the air, raising the hairs on the back of my neck. Still, all that did nothing to quench the relief flowing through me. I couldn’t wait to be out of there, away from Estelle and her perfect life that served no purpose but to remind me how pitiful my own was in comparison. 

The door was in front of me. I reached a hand out to grasp the gilded handle. Before I could, however, the image of a pale face in the corner of my eye alarmed me, and I whirled around to see—

The reflection of my own face. 

Of course, I remembered. Mother had hung a full-body mirror by the door so guests could inspect themselves upon arrival. I hadn’t paid much attention to it earlier. As a rule, I avoided mirrors; reminders of my inadequacy were not something I was normally fond of. This time, however, something compelled me to lean in closer, my nose hovering inches away from the girl in the mirror. 

She was a homely creature, with mousy hair hanging limp and flat from her oddly-shaped head and thin, pinched lips that naturally twisted in a spinsterly frown. Most of her other features were similarly dour, but it was her eyes that were the worst– small, dark, beady things encircled by the dark rings acquired by late nights spent reading by candlelight or fretting about whatever took her fancy. Really, it was no wonder she- I- would die an old maid, I thought. The exit long forgotten, I tilted my head left and right, watching the girl do the same. While I internally listed her faults, a strange flicker crossed my reflection’s face. It vanished so quickly, however, that I dismissed it as a trick of the light. 

The longer I looked into those eyes, the more an unfamiliar emotion bubbled in the pit of my stomach. I couldn’t quite place it, but it steadily grew, becoming all-consuming. It was only when the face in the mirror contorted into an expression I’d never seen before that I recognised what it was– pure, unadulterated loathing. 

I loathed the girl in the mirror. I despised that her features had cursed me with this life, that she was too dull and homely to ever let me taste happiness. A scream of rage tried to claw up my throat, but I suppressed it. Yes, I sorely wanted to smash the horrible reflection that pursued me wherever I went, but what good would that do?

Still staring into my eyes, I raised a trembling hand to the mirror and pressed my palm flat against the cold glass. A triumphant gleam sparked inside my reflection’s eyes, and I scarcely had time to wonder where it came from before her clammy fingers intertwined with mine and I was yanked forwards. The still lake of the mirror’s surface parted easily and I was falling, further than should have been possible, and the world swirled around me like a kaleidoscope until I landed with a thud on an identical floor surrounded by identical furniture. Bewildered, I looked up at the mirror to see my reflection standing straighter than I ever did with a delighted smile I never wore. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. 

My reflection kneeled down until we were face to face again. Head spinning, it was all I could do to sit upright and gape at her, both in confusion and betrayal. She continued to smile, but it had become a cruel, mocking thing. 

“God, you’re pathetic,” she said with my voice, regarding me with disgust. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch you, day after day, squander everything that you have because you’ve decided you’re not pretty enough?” 

I weakly attempted to bang on the glass from my newfound prison, to cry for help, but it was to no avail– I couldn’t seem to speak. My reflection seemingly realised this at the same time I did, because her smile widened even further and she stood, brushing her skirts in mock nonchalance. 

“Oh, now you have something to say? I think it’s rather too late for that. You, Jane Reynolds, are a wretched, ungrateful creature, and you would have wasted this life fussing over everything but anything of real importance.”

My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach, the truth a heavy anchor dragging my hopes down with it.

From my new position, I could view her in her entirety, and it struck me that perhaps she wasn’t so plain after all. In fact, with the way the white lace of the neckline threaded across her shoulders and how her long eyelashes framed the deep pools of her irises, she could, under a certain light, even have been considered… appealing. 

“Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she announced, “I have a party to attend.” 

With a final, derisive sneer, Jane Reynolds turned and walked away from the mirror, leaving her reflection behind. 

#BLUE OMG #I LOVE THISSSSS

[svnflowermoon]

taylor singing “good riddance” in the smallest man who ever lived was also an easter egg just btw

[svnflowermoon]

Shorts count as trousers. Leggings also count if you want them to.

#i mean not counting school bc we have a uniform #id say i wear trousers slightly more than skirks #skirts* i cant type #i love both #but i have more trousers #and theyre easier to chill in #but if im going out (like somewhere fancy) I'll wear skirts

[svnflowermoon]

favorite ttpd lyrics

how dare you think it's romantic, leaving me safe and stranded...

#fav #taylor 🪩

[svnflowermoon]

some of you just cannot accept that “i just don’t like it” is a complete reason to not engage with media or a facet of media

[svnflowermoon]

babygirl i over analyse things that never even crossed your mind

#luc posts