#i have like 4 more chapters left to catch up to so bear with me!!

[saiilorstars]

Ch. 3: Mistakes Never Forgotten

Pairing: Barry Allen x OFC  // Fandom: The Flash

Story Masterlist ● Previous Stories: Rise Up • It Had To Be You ●Belén’s Masterlist

• Can also be found on Fanfic and Ao3 •

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag​​ @arrthurpendragon​​ @anotherunreadblog​​ @maaaaarveeeeel​ @stareyedplanet​ @foxesandmagic​​

Dr. Nina Clarke hardly received any friendly visits while she was on the job, much less from Barry who was supposed to be at his own job right now. Yet, here he was, sitting across her in the hospital's cafeteria...detailing the story of how he royally messed up.

Nina was, shamefully, awed by the fact that changing a timeline was very possible. "You actually...did that…? You went back in time?" All this time they had only so far gone through worlds but then again, she had to remember the one moment where Barry traveled back in time to save his mother 2 years ago. Apparently, this time around he went through with it.

"Well, I've done it a couple of times but...just a day, the most had been a year...until…" Barry trailed off, letting her fit in the pieces.

"Until you went way back in time." She eagerly ate her grapes.

"But I reset everything! I put everything back to the way that it was before!" Barry exclaimed, obviously frustrated with his unsuccessful efforts. "Except some things weren't the same anymore. Not even a little bit."

"Oh, I bet they weren't," Nina shook her head. "What changed?"

Barry didn't know where to start. For one, Cisco wasn't speaking to him. Iris and Joe weren't speaking to each other. Not everything was bad but it was changed. He found that out when he learned that Axel, Belén's nephew, was already back from Italy. The only thing that remained completely the same was Shivhan Jade—Black Orchid—leaving the team for a while to go back to school. Barry was utterly relieved to find that her life hadn't been screwed up. And last, but not least, there was Belén. Belén.

"Well… I'll start with the most obvious one, being the reason I've had to stay at Joe's for the last couple of days..." Nina unashamedly chuckled, making Barry roll his eyes.

"Belén's pissed at you," she popped in another grape into her mouth.

Barry's deep frown was enough to confirm it. He came back to a world where he and Belén had a royally big argument that ended up with him leaving the apartment. He couldn't possibly remember any of that but it happened and Belén wasn't speaking to him now. The worst part is that he couldn't figure out what they argued about. "She won't talk to me because I won't apologize for what I did. But I can't do that because I don't know what I did!"

Nina rested a cheek against her closed fist. She could tell Barry had no clue—it was all in his face. He was utterly lost and confused. "This is sure coming back to bite you, isn't it?"

Barry's face fell flat at the question. It was a fair thing to ask but he didn't want to answer. "Point one, Nina."

Nina sighed heavily, finally taking pit on him. "You want to know why she's mad at you?"

"Very much, yeah."

"Datura." Nina smiled when Barry's face fell flat again. The mere mention of Belén's Earth 2 doppelganger put him in a sour mood. He thought that woman, and everything related to her, was completely gone after her defeat. "In your reality, before you changed it into, uh, that perfect world, did Belén fight Datura in the community theater?"

"Yeah..."

"Did Datura manage to escape?"

"What!?" Barry's eyes had widened.

"I will take that as a 'no'."

"What do you mean Datura escaped!?" Barry asked a smidge too loud that Nina had to shush him before someone overheard them. "Datura's gone? How can that be? Belén had her with the dampeners and the...there was Caitlin and Shivhan too! They captured her!"

"In this reality, Datura escaped when Belén stuck her with the cure. Belén passed out and Shivhan was too weak to get up. Caitlin making it out alive was a miracle. Datura let her live."

"No, no, no, no," Barry buried his face in his hands. Datura was gone? She escaped!? All of the work Belén had put into capturing her doppelganger had gone down the drain!?

"This didn't happen in the last timeline?" Nina felt terrible for him right now. Being responsible for the doppelganger of his girlfriend—the same doppelganger who tried murdering Belén countless times—was on the loose again...because of him.

"No," Barry shook his head. "Belén captured her and brought her back to STAR Labs. She was in the pipeline."

Belén came to a stop in front of the door and looked over her shoulder. She could feel Barry looking at her and for some reason she couldn't bring herself to face him. "Datura knew something about you," she whispered. "Something that you were going to do."

Barry's heart ached. "Yeah?"

Belén nodded. "She said it didn't matter what I did because you were going to do something that would screw it up. What are you going to do, Barry?"

Barry remembered that lost moment with Belén before he changed the timeline. Had Datura meant this? She had low level psychic abilities—those of which were siphoned from some poor soul—which, in theory, could have allowed her to see him changing the timeline.

"She said it didn't matter what I did because you were going to do something that would screw it up."

Barry brought a hand to his face. Was he going to screw Belén over? Like this? He couldn't believe he was in a world where Datura was right, and possibly the better person between them. "Nina, what exactly did I say to Belén?"

"Barry, it's not like I have a transcript or something..."

"Nina please," Barry begged. "I have to know so I can fix it."

Nina sighed and thought for a moment. Belén had been a hot mess after that fight so a lot of her words were meshed together even more than usual. "Um, something about thinking Belén let Datura go because of her psychic abilities. I think Datura said something about you doing something..."

Barry closed his eyes. "The timelines. Datura must have known that I was going to change the timelines."

"You thought Belén let Datura go so that she could try to change the timelines herself, stop the steps that would lead you to not change anything."

"What!?"

Nina raised her hands in defense. "I'm just the informer. You gonna eat that?" She pointed to the yogurt he'd barely touched sitting idly in front of him.

He shook his head and passed over the snack. He wasn't very hungry for anything that day. "Okay, well, I'll fix that. I don't know how but I will fix it. Tell me what happened between Iris and Joe. How come they're not talking?"

"Oh, let me guess, in the other timeline she actually forgave Joe for not telling her about her mother still being alive?"

"That's why they're mad?"

"Yup. To be fair, I would be upset too."

"You don't need to tell me about Cisco," Barry said before Nina even opened her mouth.

She swallowed some of the yogurt and blinked. "You know?"

"That his brother, Dante, is dead? Yeah," Barry had the stupid idea of following Cisco to 'the gym' which turned out to be a support group. At first Barry thought that Cisco developed a bad habit in this new timeline but no...Cisco felt guilty over not patching things up with his brother before he died. "I just don't know why he's mad at me."

"Yeah that's a very complicated one that I would rather stay away from," Nina apologized with a smile. "So you're all up to speed now, which means we're done," Nina put her spoon down and have a knowing smile at him. "And now that we are, I can finally say it."

"Say what…?" Barry dreaded yet another change he wasn't informed of.

"There were plenty of people you could've talked to about this, and yet...you chose me," Nina's intense stare made him squirm. "I mean, I guess Shivhan was another option but she's at school so here's me. Meaning, I have to either have the same life as in the other timeline, or…my life turned out to be better here. Which is it?" As she stood up, Barry's gaze slowly fell to the floor but then briefly flickered to her very pregnant stomach.

In this world, Nina Clarke was pregnant and about to give birth.

"So, which is it," the woman put her hands on her stomach. "Was I not pregnant? Or not married?" She waved her left hand with her wedding band. "Or both?" Barry met her playful gaze and hesitated to speak. "You can tell me," she chuckled. "I am asking. Full consent here to know what my other life entailed."

Barry sighed and just gave in. "Fine. You weren't married nor pregnant."

"Did I have my husband as my boyfriend or—"

"No."

"Ah. Did I have my powers?"

"The Tempest?" Barry was actually a little afraid he'd cost Nina her metahuman powers too. He'd only seen her once and got the gist the timeline was a bit kinder to her than the rest of their friends.

"The Tempest," Nina nodded and gestured her stomach. "And, according to Caitlin," she started in a whisper, "Mini-Tempest."

"Your baby...is a meta…?" Barry's eyes comically widened.

"She is following in her mother's footsteps," Nina proudly.

"And does your...husband know…?"

"He knows everything. Elliot knows about all of us," Nina decided to let him in on that secret. "You and Belén both said it was okay…"

Barry smiled. "Don't worry. You trust him, that means we do too."

"And, just a little advice between us, maybe explaining this whole timeline thing to the others isn't such a bad idea," she patted him on the shoulder. "I should get back to work."

"You shouldn't be working," Barry said off handedly.

"And you shouldn't be changing timelines," Nina quipped.

Barry took that second blow with a nod. Yeah, he deserved it. "Point 2 to Nina."

He considered the idea of telling the others about the new alterations of the timeline with some serious degree...but perhaps he was too much of a coward. By the time he got to the precinct, the idea had been thrown out the window. He was at least relieved to see that Singh was back as Captain once again.

Because then even Barry was met with his own unique alteration.

"Um, hello?" He geniously greeted the blonde man working in the second desk of the room.

"Yes. Hello, Mr. Allen," the blonde greeted with an English accent without looking up from his work. Barry already wasn't liking the stiffness in the tone of the man, but right now all he wanted to know was who the he was. "I can still see you're there and no, I don't want your help, thank you."

Barry moved up to the desk and eyed the name plaque sitting at the edge. "What are you doing here, Julian Albert, meta-human CSI Specialist?"

Julian met Barry's curious gaze with a deeply annoyed one. "I did tell you the meta-human conference was only for two days."

"Okay, but this is…"

"Still our lab... unfortunately," and the regret truly showed on Julian's face. "Yes, County forgot to mention that significant detail before assigning me, but here we are. Looks like you and I get to be roomies for a little longer than we'd hoped. Roomies."

At this point, Barry didn't know what to expect anymore. How many more things were changed? And in what ways would he find out? Someone cleared their throat at the doorway and garnered the attention of both men. Belén stood with a duffel bag slung around her shoulder.

"Bells-" Barry wasn't sure how he was going to apologize for something he really couldn't remember, but he would try as much as needed to.

Belén stopped him with a finger. "I'm in a rush. Save whatever sorry excuse you have." She them directed her gaze to Julian who was, rather amused, watching Barry's reaction. "My Mom said you were heading out anyways. You think you can give me a ride to the theater?"

"Your car still not fixed?" Julian asked, yet Barry was a bit indignant all that sourness in his earlier words were gone.

"Are you kidding me? Meta-apocalypse totaled it. I have to buy a new one but that's not the point here!" She exclaimed. "Point is, practice time is now and I have to be there! Let's go!"

"Yeah, alright," Julian agreed so easily it stunned Barry.

"Thank you," Belén said and turned to leave, but not before giving Barry a look. The poor speedster had no idea what the hell was going on.

Julian had gathered his things and started after her. "I don't know what you did, Allen, but it is fairly fun to see it unfold," he smirked and went on his way.

~0~

Nina laughed after hearing Barry's unfortunate run in with Julian. She was on her way to her car when the meta stopped her. "Oh right, Julian hates you."

"What—why!?"

Nina shrugged. "Don't know. But you hate him too. You always claim that he liked Belén."

"That makes sense," Barry muttered, thinking back to drastic change of attitude in Julian after Belén walked in. "He was all sunshine when Belén came into the lab—I hate him."

Nina smirked. "Green eyed speedster is not a good idea. And Belén doesn't like him. They were childhood friends, that's it."

"Childhood friends?" Barry repeated, trying to think of any story Belén might have told him including such a 'friend'.

Nina understood it was hard to feel relaxed when he really did not know what this new timeline entailed. She explained to him the situation since he was meant to already know this. "Barry, he's Mrs. Andrew's grandson, Belén's neighbor? He's been here for a year now."

"He wasn't here in the other world," Barry said the obvious.

"But he is now," Nina softly said. "And you're going to have to get around it somehow. I suggest not to argue with him a lot. That's always a source of arguments between you and Belén." Barry rolled his eyes and Nina added, "She's been his friend since they were kids, so they're close."

"Okay, but—"

"And she loves you," Nina purposely said louder to shut him up. "You guys put her in the middle of your fights like high schoolers. Since you've changed a lot of things, it wouldn't be a bad idea to change this too," she gave him a soft smile and a pat on the arm. "I have to go. My feet are killing me."

"You shouldn't be driving! You're pregnant!" Barry exclaimed as Nina got into her car.

She laughed in her seat and reached to close the door. "And you shouldn't be changing timelines yet here we are." She closed the door and left Barry to mumble a "Point three, Nina."

~0~

Caitlin wanted to be polite, it's how she found the way to survive throughout these rough times with the team. Being polite and mostly not talking worked like a charm whenever everyone was around but now that it was just her and Barry in the cortex, she could speak freely and tell him his sample just wasn't working.

"You know, there's really not that much here…" she looked up from the microscope examining the sample of a human body husk he'd brought in earlier.

Barry stood behind her with arms crossed. "Yeah, no, I know. It's basically touch DNA. I had to steal the sample because our meta-human expert wouldn't let me take one." It was mighty annoying having to work with someone who clearly disliked him and made things much more complicated.

A little smile worked its way across Caitlin's lips. "Oh, you mean Julian Albert?"

Barry sighed. "Yeah, you know him?" But of course they would know about that guy. It was just another thing he forgot about the new timeline.

Caitlin gave him an odd look for his question. "Yeah, Belén introduced us, remember?"

"Sure," Barry replied through gritted teeth.

Caitlin noticed the tension straight off and glanced at the threshold to see if Cisco was anywhere near. He'd gone off almost immediately after Barry arrived. "You know, Cisco told me you showed up to his bereavement group last night."

Barry dropped his arms to his side and sighed again. "Yeah, I did. He also tell you it didn't go so well?"

Caitlin apologetically nodded. "It's only been a few months since Dante was killed by that drunk driver. I'm sure he just needs a little bit more time."

"Yeah, but why is he mad at me?" Because as much as Barry looked at the situation from every possible angle, he just didn't understand why Cisco was upset with him.

Caitlin raised her hands almost instantly and turned away in her seat. "Oh no, I am staying out of that one!"

"Cait, he'll... he'll barely look at me unless other people are in the room!"

"Maybe it's just easier when the rest of us are around?"

Barry rubbed his face and surprisingly did good at keeping his frustration at bay. "Everyone's just... everything's wrong." Caitlin tilted her head in question over his choice of words. Barry leaned his hands on the desk and thought for a second. "Cait, do you think maybe you could convince Cisco to come with you to Joe's for dinner tonight?"

'Why?"

"So I can try to fix things between us, maybe between Joe and Iris, too. Just all of us together again in one room and try to work this out once and for all."

Caitlin thought that was definitely some god complex he was creating. "Are you sure that's a good idea? We haven't had a get together in...in a very long time…"

"It's better than just letting things keep going like this," Barry got himself a new round of determination and took a deep breath in. He started heading out.

"Where are you going?" Caitlin called from her seat.

"To get things arranged and then I'm gonna find Belén," he marched out with a good source of determination.

~0~

It was late in the afternoon when Belén finished her aerial dance practice. Today especially she needed the distractions so she might have stayed a little longer than planned. It explained her more weary attitude as she made her way up to the floor of her apartment. She unlocked her door with her free hand as she was carrying a cup of coffee she stopped by Jitters for, and automatically went to find the light switch. She stopped halfway when candlelights illuminated the entire apartment.

"What the…?" Her brain immediately wondered if a fire metahuman had popped up but soon deemed it ridiculous. No metahuman would take the time to delicately arrange candle lights everywhere before striking.

"I'm sorry," Barry's voice startled her. He emerged from the hallway. "Of course I know that you wouldn't purposely let Datura go, not even for my sake. You were obviously hurt and I should have focused more on that instead of stupidly believing that you let her go."

Belén seemed hesitant to believe it straight away. They'd spent a whole hour arguing over her last battle with Datura. She closed the door and dropped her duffel bag on the floor. "You said I was being irresponsible. That I shouldn't have let her go. Barry, I didn't." Her eyes glimmered with tears rather quick, making Barry wonder how much they argued about this and what terrible things were said. "In fact, I made a huge mistake when she escaped. I wasn't strong enough to keep her—"

"You were," Barry said, but she shook her head. "Belén, you passed out. Caitlin said that the device she made to cure Datura went haywire when it was connected to you and Datura. Plus, you had a chest injury. Passing out wasn't something you did voluntarily." Barry was frustrated, and the worst part was that he was frustrated with another version of himself so he couldn't technically do anything about it. He put his hands together, in front of his face, and took a deep breath. "Belén, you have no idea how sorry I am. I...ruin things—it's my trademark." He let his hands drop to his sides and shook his head. "I ruin things and the worst part is that I ruin them for everyone I love. I...screw them over." Datura's words were coming back to haunt him again. "I screwed up your fight and for some stupid reason I blamed you."

"You don't ruin things…" Belén said quietly. He was far too worked up this time around. "I just...I don't understand how you would think that I purposely let her go. What she said about you changing things, breaking the ultimate rule...even if she was saying something coherent, I wouldn't let her go for that. I'm trying to find her — every day, every night, I try to look for her."

"I know, of course you would. I believe you, trust me." Barry took a few steps towards her. "I know you would do that because it's who you are. You make good choices...I don't."

Belén shook her head. "No, don't say that, Barry. You try and that's what matters. I just need to know that you trust me."

"Of course. Bells, you have no idea how proud I was of you. You used to be so afraid of Datura and you ended up fighting her and putting her friend away, bringing her down. I got to see that."

Belén smiled sadly. "Yeah," she swallowed hard. Despite how the fight ended, she would always be proud of herself for rising up to that woman. She stood up and fought. She'd technically won too...she just passed out before she could imprison Datura.

"I'm sorry," Barry said again and reached for her free hand. "Can I make that up to you, little by little?"

"One condition: you're going to get rid of the candles all on your own." Belén gazed at the dozens and dozens of candles surrounding them. Barry laughed but promised he would. "Without speed," she warned. "Fire, wind...bad."

"I solemnly swear," Barry raised a hand to show he was serious.

Belén didn't bother with it as she leaned forwards, far too excitedly to kiss him. In her excitement, she bumped her coffee cup into him and spilled said coffee on him. She gasped and covered her mouth. "I am so sorry!"

Flashes of her previous (yet nonexistant anymore) drink-spilling accident made Barry laugh even harder. No matter what timeline they were in, this would always happen and he wouldn't want it any other way.

"Why are you laughing?" Belén asked, dead serious. "We're good now, you don't have to keep trying here!" She wanted to help him but didn't know how. Her hands kept going forwards and backwards trying to get him to keep still enough for her to help him get cleaned up.

Barry had other ideas instead. He slid his arms around her waist and pulled her up to him for a sound kiss. Belén didn't mind the warm coffee staining her too; she missed her boyfriend a lot.

"Is it okay if I sleep here again?" Barry still asked cautiously afterwards.

Belén chuckled with her arms still around him. "Yes, I've missed you. But you'll have to share the bathroom with Iris again. She'll hate that."

"What?" Barry blinked and looked around for Iris as if she would pop up any moment.

"She's staying here, remember? She and her Dad…?" Belén wasn't sure how to take his realization. This wasn't news. It was like he was barely hearing about it. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, uh…I was just focused on you that I...forgot about everything else…" Barry was slowly putting the pieces together of this new timeline and with every new piece he found everything was worse than he thought.

"That is cliche and I love that...and you... and this place…" Belén looked around with a big smile. "I'd feel more romantic if I hadn't spilled coffee on you and if I had showered…" She then poked him on the chest with an innocent twinkle in her eyes, "Two of which we can fix...together…?"

"How…?" The fact Barry looked genuinely confused made Belén want to kiss him again, but she held herself for another moment.

"Don't make me explain. My singing scientist you are much smarter than that…" She pointed them to the hallway and let her smirk clarify it all for him. She laughed when it finally donned on him.

"Oooh...!"

~0~

Dinner was difficult to get everyone together, but what Barry found the hardest was getting people to talk. Belén could have told him this idea wasn't going to work out but she thought he would probably realize before…

Apparently not.

"This hits the spot, huh?" Barry said after dead silence for a good ten minutes. He hoped it would spark some conversation at the table, but only Joe followed.

"You can thank Grandma Esther…"

"Well thank her indeed," Nina was the only one eagerly eating. She hated her big appetite but no one seemed surprised.

Barry couldn't help smile at her. "Actually, I just meant, um... all of us, actually, just here, together. I was actually thinking, um, that maybe it'd be fun if we all went away together for a few days. Just like a little Team Flash vacay…?"

Iris lowered her fork, trying to understand what he was getting at. "And do what?"

"Bond? Reconnect?" Barry was getting nowhere with them.

"You mean like a retreat?" Caitlin asked just to be sure.

"That's the ones with trust exercises and the weird songs…" even Belén was having trouble picturing the idea.

"Epic fail, party of eight," Cisco muttered as he angrily stuffed his forkbite into his mouth. Caitlin gave him a disapproving look but he merely shrugged and ate.

Barry did his best to keep things going despite the odds of winning becoming more and more slim. "I just... I just feel like we're not the team that we were or can be."

"I'd be down for it," Wally felt awkward as he raised a hand. Thankfully, Nina did the same.

"I would be too, but, uh…" she gestured to her current state, "I'm afraid I think I'll pop at any second. Plus, I'm not sure Elliot would be okay with it. Sorry."

"I...I get what you're trying to do, but...you don't think we can afford to take a vacation," Belén bit her lip, sending Barry an apologetic smile.

"You were the one that said we should take a break to Italy," Barry said without thinking.

"I did?" Judging by her face, Barry figured the changed timelines erased that part of her too.

"I'm going to have to agree with Belén, sorry," Caitlin spoke up, very much sorry. "Especially with all these husks showing up all over town—"

"Speaking of husks, I'm glad you're finally ready to open up about them," Iris gave her a father an expectant glance.

"Iris, I already told you, I can't tell you anything about this case."

Iris was confused only for a second before she realized what actually happened. "Oh, really? Because that's not what I was told."

Joe was quick to figure it out as well. "Strange. I was under the impression you had some things to say to me, too. Isn't that right, Bar?"

"Told you. Epic fail," Cisco murmured to Caitlin who, by this point, didn't know how to keep his comments at bay.

Barry sighed and gave up. "Okay, look, yeah. I arranged this. I put all this together. I'm sorry, guys. Look, I just... we're not acting like a team, and I just wanted things back to how they were. Just fixed."

Cisco shook his head and let his fork fall on his plate with a loud clang. "If you wanted things fixed, maybe you should have gone back in time and stopped my brother from dying!"

Everyone went dead silent, including Barry who had finally understood the real problem Cisco had with him.

"You want me to change the timeline to save Dante?" The mere question added on an extra layer of guilt on Barry.

"Why would you do that?" Cisco sarcastically responded. "It's not like he's your brother." Everyone's cellphones went off with the same alert.

Cisco picked up his phone first. "Meta-human app. We gotta go!"

"I would love to help—" Nina barely got the words out when Belén shushed her.

"Elliot would kill us," the ombre-blonde pointed Nina to Wally. "Look after her please," she asked and hurried off with the others.

Barry was the first one to reach the spot where the metahuman app had directed them. Saying he was stunned to find the Rival was a clear understatement. He was beyond confused and wondered if, somehow, the timeline was yet again being changed as a consequence of his decisions.

The Rival seemed to understand perfectly the situation Barry was in. he ripped off the hood of his mask with smug rage. "Remember me, Flash?"

"Clariss?"

"Oh, you do remember, Flash? Good, I remember everything, too."

"How are you here?"

"It doesn't matter. You see, what does matter is that I know your little secret. You changed the timeline. Because if I recall correctly, the only Speedsters in my other life were me and that smartass Kid Flash, until you showed up and stole everything from me!"

"I didn't steal anything from you, Clariss. I... I was just trying to put things back to the way they're supposed to be!" Barry hoped to God no one was listening in on them.

"This is how my life is supposed to be!" Clariss shouted. "For years, I felt like something was missing. And now I know why."

"Well, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do this to you-"

"Yeah, well, you did. And here I am. Your Rival, back again," Clariss gestured to himself with utter pride. "Believe me, Flash, this time, you're not gonna steal my life so easily!"

He took off with his usual speed, leaving Barry to go after him. The two chased each other all over the city with no upper hand. When it looked like the Rival was about to speed ahead Barry surprised him from the side and threw him with all his force. The Rival toppled over many streets until his body flung over the water bridge. Barry was there mere seconds later but as much as he looked the Rival was gone.

~0~

"Barry, hey!" Belén found him first after coming back to STAR Labs. "I'm sorry I didn't catch up - something...came up…"

And perhaps if Barry had been paying better attention to her instead of the fact Edward Clariss was back, he would've sensed her strange excuse. He merely told her it was alright and went on to tell her, and the rest of the group, what happened.

Belén's mother, Veronica, was the first to get frustrated. "You mean to tell us that after finally getting rid of Zoom there's another evil Speedster?" The detective flung a hand towards Belén who blinked with surprise. "At least tell me there's no doppelgangers this time?"

"Why do you imply it's going to be another me?" Belén frowned. Veronica waved her off, deepening her frown. "I'm praying that Datura was the only evil one of my doppelgangers."

"Okay, well, who is this guy?" Iris asked Cisco and Caitlin at the desk.

"Well," Caitlin got up from her chair as she worked to bring up the profile of their new meta, "I finally got the results back from the test I ran on the husk that Barry gave me this morning. And it's weird, because there's no traces of dark matter, but there are traces of the Speed Force. His name is…"

"Edward Clariss," Barry dejectedly said just mere seconds before the screen behind him came to life with Clariss' profile. Everyone's eyes flickered from Barry to the screen and so forth.

"And somehow Barry is exactly right," Caitlin sat back down trying to figure out how that was possible.

"You're holding out on us," Belén knew right off the top. She didn't mean it to be demanding, but that's the lead Iris took.

"What is it?"

Barry couldn't take their accusing looks, especially when he knew it was all his fault. Clariss had come back, and on top of it he created terrible rifts between his own family. It was all him. He did it…

"Barry?" Belén cautiously called his name. There was something not right with him but she couldn't decide if it was still grief or... something new.

"I'm sorry...I have to...I have to fix things," Barry decided and sped out of there. He would attempt to fix things the only way he knew of…

"What just happened?" Iris was left asking in the room. No one had an answer.

"It's just Barry," Cisco muttered and walked out.

"We need to figure out a way to put that speedster in the pipeline," Joe told the remaining women. "Before he does something really bad."

"We'll figure something out," Caitlin promised him and Veronica as the two began to leave as well.

"Belén, can I show you something?" Iris asked ad soon as it was just them and Caitlin. She motioned Caitlin to near them too as she pulled out her phone.

"What are we looking at exactly?" Belén asked after Iris pulled up a security video of the waterfront where Barry and Clariss were.

"This is the feed Cisco pulled up while you and Caitlin went M.I.A after dinner," Iris explained, although she missed the nervous glances of her two friends. "He didn't pay too much attention to it - does that a lot now often - but I did. Okay look, it's pretty obvious that this guy knows Barry." Because indeed the two speedsters were conversing quite emotionally before they chased each other.

"I don't... understand…" Caitlin gave a tilt of her head. It did look like Clariss was...accusing Barry of something? That pointed finger at Barry couldn't say anything else.

"Barry is keeping things from us, I know it," Iris put her phone away and settled a sharp stare on Belén. "And you need to find out what it is."

The woman in question blinked with alarm. "Me?" she pointed at herself. "Demand to know about a secret? I don't...I don't think I can, Iris." She avoided Iris' scrutinizing eyes by backtracking several steps from her and Caitlin in the process.

"What? Why not?" Iris crossed her arms, expecting some sort of explanation that would possibly make sense.

Belén's eyes kept flickering to Caitlin, something Iris picked up on fast, while she really did try to answer the question. "I just...I don't...it would be very...I can't." And Belén hated how that made her sound, but she just couldn't go demanding Barry to reveal something, not when she was…

Iris turned to Caitlin to see what the brunette had to say, but Caitlin followed Belén's league and avoided making eye contact with Iris at all costs. "You want to fill me in or something…?" Iris asked both of them.

"I just can't, I'm sorry," Belén shook her head and hurried out.

"I think it's better to just drop it, Iris," Caitlin gave Iris a soft warning and went after Belén.

Iris truly had no words, and much less a clue as to what had just happened.

~ 0 ~

The last thing Barry ever thought would happen now was facing his father's doppelganger and actually being forced to have breakfast with him on Earth 3. Really, what else could happen now? Oh, right, this earth ran a little slow so it was also 1998.

Barry really hoped that was it. "This isn't the reason you pulled me out of the Speed Force right?" he gestured to the menu on the table.

Henry gave a shake of his head. "Because you were about to reset the timeline again after screwing it all up." Barry opened his mouth but only noises of his shock came out. "Oh, yeah, I know about that."

"How did you—"

"After your not-so-subtle reaction when you first met me... Harry told me all that happened with Zoom and your mom and your dad, so I decided I'd keep my eye on you for a bit."

Barry figured that was exactly what Harry would have done the moment they were gone. "He tell you anything else?"

"He did. I'm your father's doppelganger. Sorry about that…" Because even now it was hard for Barry to keep an eye-level conversation with him.

"It's just...really weird."

"And really sad, too... I'm sure. Having a loss like that in your life, I see why you'd wanna erase it. Who wouldn't try to save their parents? I understand that, Barry, completely. But the thing is, there are consequences to time travel."

"I have heard all of this before—" Barry tried to say, even about to count the times he'd heard the same lecture. It didn't matter anymore as he'd done already.

"Not from me you haven't. I'm not some Doctor with a theory, Barry. I'm a Speedster, like you, who's traveled in time, and made these same mistakes you are making right now. Here, let me show you something," Henry reached for an empty cup of tea beside the menu on the table.

Barry rolled his eyes, and surely was about to leave. "Okay, you know what—"

"Humor me, kid," Henry motioned him to keep in his seat. "This coffee cup right here. Think of it as the space-time continuum. Whenever you go back in time it breaks." He vibrated the cup until a chip of it cracked.

Barry wanted to know how the man was giving speedster lectures when he just vibrating his hand in open daylight. "For real?"

"Now... you can reset the timeline, you can try to fix it, but no matter how hard you try…" Jay had pulled the chip of the cup off and tried placing back as if it was never broken in the first place, "...it's never gonna be exactly how it was."

"Look, I've learned all this stuff that I didn't know before, okay? I'm not gonna make the same—"

"Mistakes," Jay finished for him. "Yeah, what you just said right there? That is the paradox of time travel, and also the paradox of life. I mean, if I only knew then what I know now."

"Why have these powers if I can't go back and fix what I broke?" Barry couldn't help demand with frustration. Here he was with powers not a lot of people had and yet he couldn't do something grand like saving people from death without causing even more trouble? What kind of logic was that?

"We're not gods, we're men, who, for whatever reason, have been given extraordinary abilities," Jay hoped Barry would catch on. "The question you need to ask yourself is, what kind of hero are you gonna be? Are you just gonna take a do-over every time you make a mistake? Or will you live with them and move forward?"

Ah, the ringing honest question that made Barry pause for the first time and think about the long run. It wasn't the present, nor the next day he should be thinking about...it was the future. What kind of person was he going to be for the rest of his life?

~ 0 ~

"Are you sure you're okay?" Caitlin's question carried into the cortex as she and Belén walked in. Cisco, Iris, Joe and Veronica were already there, recruited once again.

"Yeah, yeah," Belén waved Caitlin to stop just as they faced everyone. "Where's Barry?" she asked the group.

Just a mere second later, Barry sped into the room with a face worse for wear. "I need to tell you all something," he said almost instantly. He needed to be fast or else his courage might slip away from him. "The truth."

"The truth about what?" Iris asked.

"Okay, um... after Zoom killed my dad, after we defeated him, um... I wasn't in a great space, and I felt like the only way I could fix that was to run back in time and save my mom."

There was a silence over the group as Barry's words settled down.

"You stopped the Reverse-Flash from killing your mom?" Belén spoke slowly, as if that would make better sense for her.

"Yes…" Barry let his head hang in shame.

"Wait, so, is she alive?" Wally wondered out loud.

"She was. For a few months. I lived with her and my dad. I had a completely different life," Barry still smiled at the bittersweet memories. "I wasn't even the Flash for most of it."

"You mean to tell us you created this whole...other world, then?" Even Veronica was lost like Wally. She didn't understand the full extent of a speedster's powers, and she never cared enough to ask.

"Okay, um…" Barry spotted a nearby clear board and picked up a marker to explain in the usual way. "This is the timeline," he drew a horizontal line and made a dot at the end. "This is the point that we exist on it right now. This—" he scribbled in a dot at the other end of the line, "—past point is where my mom was murdered. So when I saved her, I created a new reality. A new timeline. I was living in…"

"A mirror universe," Cisco mumbled but Barry heard him.

"It's called a Flashpoint, apparently."

"But you decided to leave it," Joe gestured to the obvious. "Why?"

Barry sighed. "That life started to spin out of control. This guy, Clariss, he was a Speedster there, too. He was known as the Rival. He caused a lot of problems. So, um... I decided to run back in time again and let things happen as they were supposed to, in hopes of... resetting the timeline, but…"

"Things weren't the same," Belén understood first.

"She said it didn't matter what I did because you were going to do something that would screw it up."

She shuddered. This is what Datura had seen this coming. It had to be. "You screwed it up," the words tumbled out of her mouth.

Barry knew what she was thinking of. They both remembered. "When I came back, things weren't the same. People weren't the same. Um, I created another timeline."

"Another world to live in," Caitlin nodded. "This—" she gestured with a finger at the room, "—isn't the original world we used to live in?"

"It's not as different as the last one. Not in large ways, but in some ways, in smaller ways, and, uh—" Barry swallowed hard, "—meaningful ways for all of you or anybody that's close to me. And I can't ever really put it back together." He forced himself to face everyone in the eyes, like they deserved, because at this point it was all he could for them.

"Barry, that's a lot to take in…" Joe murmured from his spot.

"We got along in that other life, my dad and I, didn't we?" Iris finally realized that part and didn't know whether or not to be furious or plain sad. "That's why you've been working so hard to get us talking again."

"Okay, here's the thing. Um, I will tell you what's different, all of you, if you wanna know," Barry made it clear, even though it might not even do them well. He would still give them that choice. "But you have to live with those differences because I can't change it again. But at least you'll know. And you all deserve that choice."

Belén put her two index fingers together in front of her nose, her mind thinking rapidly. "That's why you asked about Italy. I never said anything about a trip. And the fight we had...that's why you were so confused. You didn't argue with me, this timeline's version of you did."

"So you decided it was okay to change things when someone in your family dies, but when it's someone in my family…" Cisco pointed after the two and waved at the others, indicating he was taking a leaf out of their book.

Iris rubbed her forehead, unsure of what she even thought at the moment. "We're...going to need some time, Barry."

"I know," Barry whispered. He understood the consequences, and that was what he was going to face...with all his courage.

~ 0 ~

Belén was heading into the Green room of the building for some space when her phone buzzed. She pulled it out of her pocket and saw an unknown number on the screen. She brought the phone to her ear to answer it. "Hello?"

"I did warn you, didn't I?"

Belén froze.

"Tsk, tsk, the speedster breaking the ultimate rule: changing the timelines. He has no idea what he's done to everyone."

Belén swallowed hard. "Datura."

#ocappreciation #arrowverseocs #fd: the flash #the flash #barry allen #the flash fics #barry allen fics #barry allen imagines #barry allen x oc #the flash imagines #the flash x oc #arrowverse ocs #arrowverse fics #arrowverse imagines #oc: Belén Palayta #oc: Belen Palayta #fic: make you stay #i'm also catching this fic up across platforms #i have like 4 more chapters left to catch up to so bear with me!!

[dracoxmalereader]

Defense Against

Draco x Male Reader

Context: Gryffindor!Reader, that is already an established foe of Draco's. 🤭

Summary: Dolores Umbridge is a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher that people certainly have opinions about. Including Draco.

Part 2 | Part 3 (or just read it in full on Wattpad or Ao3)

Word Count: 340

“She’s so… smug.”

The hallway is loud with chatter, and you’ve never been more excited to leave defense against the dark arts. 

“Tell me about it,” You twirl your wand in your fingers as you talk, bumping shoulders with Dean Thomas as the two of you make your way through the flurry of people. “Who does she think she is?”

“I rather like her,” A figure shoves between you and Dean, a heavy arm slinking over your shoulders. Draco. “Real powerful, don’t you think?” 

He wears the same smirk as always, head tilted back ever so slightly to bear his neck in superiority. You can’t find it in yourself to be surprised he’s an Umbridge suck-up. 

“And what would you know about being powerful?” You roll your eyes and curl away from him. The three of you stop walking, and Dean backs off to watch as you turn to face Draco. “You have to run to your father for everything.”

You jab a finger into Draco’s chest, pushing into his personal space. He sneers at you. Hands land at your collarbones, shoving you back. Catching yourself on a wobbly step, you get closer again and push him in return.

Draco falls much farther, balance faltering. He bends slightly, and looks up at you with a split-second expression of fear before malice tugs his face into a scowl. His cheeks go red. How cute.

He puffs his chest out and puts a single foot forwards in your direction before Umbridge’s obnoxious voice breaks your focus. She clears her throat, and you notice that it’s only you, Draco, and Dean left by the classroom. 

She stares at the three of you with a condescending smile, eyebrows up-turned pitifully as if daring you to make another sound. 

You roll your eyes and Draco huffs through his nose. As you turn away from Umbridge, your eyes meet Draco’s and you mouth, dumb weasel, before pulling Dean away by the arm and leaving Draco to glare in your direction as you disappear down the hallway.

I used all 3 of my daily saves on pixlr making the wattpad cover for this and the first two chapter covers for here. TT Y'all just gonna have to deal with getting the last one tomorrow.

I wrote this up in 4 hours and I was so proud of the last chapter I made my mom read it. <3

She then asked why don't I write actual books so I can make money off this. She just doesn't understand. I would rather eat my fingers than even consider going into the book writing industry. Has she seen how booktok behaves? I REFUSE to be complicit in that for profit.

Tags: @nowayisthistakenyet @gayaristocrat @siuspider @dracoshusband @skrunklespoingo @esperfraud @joongbin @midwestemosblog @we2222

#draco malfoy #draco malfoy imagine #draco malfoy x male reader #draco x male reader #draco x reader #harry potter fandom #draco malfoy x reader #draco x y/n #draco x you #draco malfoy fanfiction #draco malfoy x you #draco fanfiction #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy fic #tagging is hard #x male y/n #x male reader #x m!reader

[from-the-coffee-shop-in-edoras]

Into the Breach

Here’s something I’ve had sitting around for a long time. It’s kind of a fic but in a lot of ways it’s more like an extended Théodred HC. I’ve always wanted to know more about what he was doing in the lead-up to LOTR events (he was in a position where he would have been pivotal to some major stuff!), and I’ve always wanted to give him the real life that he doesn’t get because of the way Tolkien handled his death…to have someone who loves him desperately and vice versa. His own hopes and resentments and interests. A big dumb dog that makes him happy. But all of that without breaking canon.

So that’s what this was—part plot but part little tangents/notes on his history, feelings and personality. I meant to work from this to expand into a more complete thing someday, but since even this is really long (I’m gonna break it into 4 parts) and I just don’t do hugely epic, 20+ chapter fics, I don’t know if I ever will. So, here is part 1. As a reminder, I always start from Book Théodred, who at the time of his death is unmarried, in his 40s (13 years older than Éomer), and holds the rank of Second Marshal based in the West-mark.

The first two tentative knocks at the door failed to rouse anyone in the darkened chamber, but the third brought Storbar from his place at the foot of the bed and over to sniff at the threshold. Catching a scent he recognized, he huffed out a short, deep bark that finally succeeded in waking one of the room’s inhabitants. Eadlin raised herself on an elbow, squinted in the direction of the bark, and then looked back to the still figure by her side.

“Théodred, there is someone at the door.”

He grimaced and rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. It felt like only seconds ago that he had crawled into bed, exhausted in body and mind. “What time is it?” His muffled voice barely escaped the soft down that he spoke into.

“It’s early,” answered Eadlin, skimming her hand along the smooth scar that ran up his back to his shoulder, where she gave him a gentle prod. “Very early. But if someone is knocking at an hour like this, it must be important.”

He sighed and took one last moment to savor the comfort of his bed, allowing his feet to linger in the residual warmth left behind by Storbar, before hoisting himself up and giving his head a light shake to clear the fog of sleep from his mind.

Another tap at the door followed, more insistent this time, and he stepped hurriedly into the trousers that he had left on the floor barely three hours ago. He stumbled across the darkened room, shivering in the early morning chill, and carefully opened the door a few inches. Éomer’s face, bearing a somber expression and a furrowed brow, appeared in the small sliver of light coming in from the hallway.

“I’m sorry, cousin. I know it’s unbearably early and you only arrived very late last night. But I’m due to ride to the Eastemnet with a scouting patrol at first light, and I need to speak with you before I leave. May I come in?”

Théodred looked back over his shoulder at his bride-to-be, who had risen and wrapped herself in a blanket as a more expedient solution than wrangling in the dark with the many ties and buttons of her dress. She nodded, and he pulled the door open a little wider.

At the sight of her, Éomer blushed and quickly turned his gaze. “My apologies to you, too, Eadlin.” His words were now directed to the ceiling. “I should have realized that I’d be disturbing both of you. I hope I haven’t interrupted a…delicate moment.”

Théodred raised an eyebrow and smiled at Éomer’s embarrassment. “You’ve interrupted nothing more delicate than sleep, though that is crime enough right now. But unless you’ve somehow made it this far in life without ever seeing a woman’s shoulders or legs, there is no cause for blushing.” He pulled Éomer into the room so that he could close the door. “Now, come and tell me what you need to say.”

Storbar followed Éomer to a seat by the window and rested his head on Éomer’s leg in a shameless bid for scratches while Théodred lit a lamp and pulled on a shirt.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” said Eadlin, brushing a quick kiss across Théodred’s lips and planting another on Éomer’s still reddened cheek before slipping through an adjoining door into her own chamber.

Perched now on the edge of the bed, Théodred took a deep breath and waited for Éomer to speak. The troubled look that had been on his cousin’s face when he first appeared at the door had returned as soon as Eadlin left, and his knee now bounced up and down nervously, much to Storbar’s frustration. Théodred had seen that jogging knee enough times in the past to know that bad news was coming, and he steeled himself to receive it even as a part of him longed instead to ask for just a few minutes more in the comfort of not knowing.

“I don’t suppose you’ve seen your father since you returned?”

Théodred winced. Of all the possible concerns Éomer could raise, this was the one Théodred most dreaded. “No. We got in so late last night that he was already asleep. Everyone was. But I assume that you’re not asking because things have improved since last I heard.”

“I wish I could say they have, but, in truth, things are worse than ever. His exhaustion and infirmity continue to advance, and now things seem to be progressing much faster. You’ve been gone only for three weeks, but the man you see later today will look years older than he did when you left.”

“Years older?” Théodred’s shoulders slumped. This malady that was afflicting his father, so unrelenting and unexplained, both baffled and terrified him. It had started with small changes. A decrease in appetite. A slower, stiffer gait when walking. A grey pallor in the face. But those changes had steadily multiplied and accumulated, and not one of the healers in Edoras seemed able to identify a cause or solution to Théoden’s increasing woes. As treatment after treatment proved futile, the king had slowly lost the strength and stamina to carry out his full schedule of regular duties, many of which then fell to Théodred in his place. As a result, he and Eadlin now always seemed to be traveling between the royal household in Edoras and his own busy command in the Westfold.

The burden of extra responsibilities was heavy, and Théodred had taken up that burden with the expectation that this illness would pass and the king would return to his normal, vital self before long. But as month after month of slow decline continued, it had become much harder to sustain that notion. And now, if Théoden’s deterioration was accelerating, time was running out to find a cure for his father. Time had perhaps already run out. The vague sense of uneasy tension that had followed Théodred for weeks crystallized suddenly into an icy chill that seized his heart and stopped his breath. “I just don’t understand,” he muttered, as much to himself as to Éomer.

“It pains me to say it, cousin, but it gets worse. While his body continues to grow unnaturally old, his mind now also seems to be weakening. It’s more than just occasional behavior and choices that seem out of character–we’ve been seeing that for months. But now he sometimes gets confused. He fails to recognize advisers and attendants that have served him for years. At times, he now calls Éowyn ‘Théodwyn’ and speaks to her as though she were his sister. It comes and goes, but it can be frightening to watch.” Éomer paused and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Yesterday he couldn’t seem to remember your mother’s name.”

A strangled noise escaped Théodred’s throat before he could choke it back. He jumped to his feet and began to pace, trailed intently by Storbar, who had been roused by the unexpected movement and whimpered quietly at the distress in the room that even he could feel.

Théodred heard neither those whimpers nor the words that Éomer continued to speak. His own pulse pounded in his ears, and his mind raced unsteadily through a flood of muddled thoughts and questions. How was any of this possible? A man of seventy could be expected to lose a little of his sharpness over time, but not this quickly or to this degree. And surely not when it came to Théoden’s memories of Elfhild, the person his father loved most in the world. For him to forget anything of her was simply unthinkable, or so Théodred had always believed. Yet now the unthinkable had happened. What worse would happen next while they sat by, unable to stop it?

“Théodred, do you hear me?”

Éomer’s voice pulled Théodred out of his thoughts. He was standing now in front of the windowsill where he kept his most treasured flowers and small plants, those that were nursed along in the protection of the indoors because they couldn’t withstand the harsh winters in the garden he had kept at Meduseld since boyhood. His hand rested next to a delicate burgundy orchid from the southern regions of Gondor, a gift given to him many years ago by a great friend of that land, one he trusted implicitly. An idea leapt to his mind, and he whirled around to face Éomer.

“We must send word to Boromir. We’ve tried and failed for months now to address this on our own, and we need to accept that there is no knowledge in Rohan that can cure my father’s illness. But maybe in Gondor, with their vast lore and their old healing craft from the western lands…maybe they’ll recognize what afflicts him and know how to treat it. Maybe they can restore him to his old self. I can think of no better option.”

Éomer considered this suggestion for a moment. “Is it wise to share news of this crisis with outsiders? Boromir is the best of men, but the king doesn’t want others to know of his condition. And if word gets out that he is sickened, who else may try to capitalize on the opportunity? The Dunlendings have tried more for less in the past.”

“What choice do we have? We can’t hide this forever, and when it comes out eventually we’ll have gained nothing by waiting. And Boromir will understand the sensitivity. He’ll ensure our secret goes no further than absolutely necessary, and if it’s within his power to help us, he will. He takes his duty to his friends and allies as seriously as any man in Middle Earth.”

The more Théodred spoke of the idea, the better he felt about it. He had known Boromir for most of his life, and, despite being radically different by temperament, they understood one another as no one else could. Among their many friends, each had only one that knew the unique challenges and pressures of being an heir to power. Only one that knew the terror of carrying the welfare of an entire people on your shoulders. Only one who knew what it was to be marked for greatness from birth and to labor your whole life to deliver on that expectation.

They had first met as young boys on one of Théodred’s many trips to Gondor to visit his grandmother’s family. His Aunt Théodwyn invited the steward’s son to keep her nephew company while they were in Minas Tirith, and though Théodred generally preferred reading and drawing to the hunting and fishing that Boromir favored, they had a shared sense of mischief that quickly drew them together. They could often be found pilfering treats from Denethor’s kitchens, scheming to find ways into locked rooms that drew their interest, or plotting elaborate pranks on the guards that were assigned to keep an eye on the two little heirs as they romped around the White City. At times, Théodwyn almost regretted having matched them up–particularly when Boromir began showing a sudden aptitude for especially florid Rohirric profanity or Théodred turned up in possession of a priceless Númenórean scroll that only the steward’s son could have swiped from the library–but the boys had endless fun causing trouble as a pair.

Later they would learn to appreciate other things in one another. Two years after they met, Boromir’s mother passed away, and Théodred proved to be a gentle and thoughtful listener whenever Boromir needed to unburden his grief. And Boromir was a constant source of counsel, always willing to offer strong but considered opinions on any topic where Théodred craved the advice of a brother. They saw each other frequently and exchanged letters when apart, though admittedly Théodred’s letters tended to multi-page missives full of musings and emotions while Boromir’s were short notes that cut right to his point. But the flow of advice, assistance and consolation between them never ceased. All these years later, Théodred could still be counted on to provide a sympathetic ear as Boromir fretted about the relationship between his father and brother and Boromir to provide prudent guidance when Théodred expressed his occasional ambivalence to the idea of inheriting the crown.

Now the sight of that fragile orchid, sent by Boromir as a birthday gift in the year they had both turned thirty nine, sent a strengthening jolt through Théodred’s wearied frame. Boromir’s counsel had served him well in every phase of his life, giving him confidence, perspective and wisdom. Perhaps he could come through again, even as the stakes were higher than ever before.

“I’ll spend today observing my father so that I can give Boromir as detailed an account of his condition as possible, and I’ll give thought to how we can best get a letter to Minas Tirith. If others find out that we have shared this information outside of Meduseld, it may cause problems for us. But I am certain that we can find a way to get this message to Boromir discreetly.” Having a plan, even a modest one that was far from guaranteed, made Théodred feel a little calmer.

Éomer nodded his agreement and stood to leave. “One last piece of business. These few weeks while you have been in the Westfold, I have often been called out to my own command in the east. And in that time, someone has taken advantage of our absence to work his way even deeper into the king’s confidence.

Théodred sighed. His problems never seemed to come alone when they could come in plentiful company instead. “I don’t need to ask who you mean.”

Éomer nodded again. “Éowyn reports that Gríma has been with Uncle Théoden nearly every day, often for long hours. He’s had ample time to continue pushing the strategies and policies that you and I have been counseling against.”

“Does Éowyn know what has been said between them when they meet?”

“Not all. Gríma takes care to speak so that she can’t hear him, and I wouldn’t ask her to try to monitor him more closely.” The muscles in his jaw tensed and flexed. “It isn’t safe for her to be in his presence so often.”

“I agree. I have no doubt your sister can take care of herself, but it doesn’t feel right to put her in that position. And I cannot ask Eadlin to keep an eye on him either.” A ghost of a smile crossed Théodred’s face. “She would be willing to try on my behalf, but you know her–she has little use for subtlety. She makes no secret of her loathing for Gríma, and he would be immediately suspicious of her motives if she should try to spend time near him now.” He thought for a moment. “No, I’ll talk to Háma instead. He is always at the door, so he knows all who come and go and hears much of what happens in the great hall. And he is loyal to my father above all others. If anyone can find out what Gríma is up to, it will be Háma.”

Théodred pushed back the curtains to see the first faint hints of pinkish-red light just beginning to appear over the distant horizon. Éomer would be expected at the stables any moment. They walked together to the door, and Théodred put a hand on his cousin’s shoulder. Even through the layers of leather and mail he could feel the tension in Éomer’s body, and he wished they had a few more minutes together to talk or even just to sit in the solace of each other’s company. Éomer was no longer the little boy that Théodred had taken under his wing–indeed, Théodred considered him now every bit his equal in strength, capability and canniness–but it was hard to let go of the old instinct to protect and comfort. And, in truth, he felt that Éomer still longed for that protection and care at times, no matter how much older and more capable he had become. He still looked for reassurance that some guiding hand was in control, one that would make all of his hardships and losses worth enduring for the blessings of a happier future. Théodred turned Éomer to face him.

“Don’t let any of this distract you while you’re out there. Be safe, do your job, and come back again. And then we’ll sort all this out. We have many challenges but also many allies. Don’t forget that.”

Éomer smiled, a look of quiet relief on his face. “I’ll come as soon as I can, cousin.” He clapped a hand on Théodred’s shoulder and then turned down the hall, striding off out of sight.

Théodred closed the door behind him and leaned back against it, his eyes closed and jaw tightly set. He desperately hoped that what he had just said to Éomer would prove to be true, but in his heart he wasn’t certain. He fought back the instinct to go immediately to his father, to seek his own reassurance that everything was under control. To hear a comfortingly authoritative voice tell him that everything would turn out in the end. But as much as he ached for that paternal consolation, he knew that he wouldn’t find it now. He would be lucky to ever find it again.

He heard the side door open as Eadlin came back into the room, wearing a long robe now. Taking in the look on his face, she opened her arms and he walked gratefully into them. They stood quietly for several long minutes with his head nestled in the crook of her neck and her arms tightly around his waist.

“You should go back to bed,” he murmured into her ear. “There’s no reason to spoil your own rest on my account.”

She shook her head. “There is so little I can do to ease your burdens, but at least I can help get you ready to face them.” She moved him into the seat that Éomer had vacated and placed herself behind him, running her fingers through his hair and all across his scalp in the way that she knew he liked. Then, taking up a comb and deftly dividing the hair on one side into sections, she began to weave a small, tight braid that ran above his ear from his temple back into the loose waves that sat on his shoulders.

“Was Éomer here about your father?” she ventured at last. Her hands continued their work, but she watched his face in the reflection that glimmered in the window pane in front of them.

He nodded. “His health is always my main concern of late, but there are other problems here as well. Not to mention those problems that we left back in the Westfold. Problems are one thing we have in overabundance.” He blew out a frustrated breath. “It’s enough to make a person want to run and hide himself away. To find a small, comfortable spot somewhere in a far off country and just lead a quiet, normal life, away from all of this. Riding, reading, time in the fresh air, a hard day’s work with my hands and a good night’s sleep at the end. I could find myself very happy in a life like that.”

Their eyes met in the reflection, and she smiled softly at him. This wasn’t the first time he had spooled out a similar fantasy to her in the privacy of their own rooms, and the image of him content and at peace was one that always made her happy. But they both knew there was never any real intention behind his words, no actual willingness to abandon his responsibilities or leave behind the family and friends he cherished. His wishes for a simpler, more modest existence were just dreams that he liked to speak of and that he counted on her to gently redirect, as she always did.

She tied off the braid and walked around to face him, admiring her own handiwork before leaning down to give his arm an affectionate squeeze. “But if you left, of course I would go with you. And then who would water your plants?”

He laughed, as she knew he would, and he pressed a quick kiss to the top of her head as he stood. “You’re right, of course. As always.”

She handed his boots to him and no sooner had he slipped one on than Storbar was at his side, wagging a hopeful tail and looking in the direction of the door. “Alright, old friend. You’re right, too.” He pulled on his second boot and reached for Storbar’s leash. “No more rest for any of us today. There is much to do.”

Part Two is here.

Quick notes:

“Eadlin” glosses as “princess,” which seemed fitting for someone engaged to a prince.

“Storbar” means “great boar” in tribute to the Great Boar of Everholt, the legendary beast that fought Théodred’s 3x-great grandfather in T.A. 2864.

If you like Théodred, there’s a whole section for him on my master list where you can see some of what I did with a few of the elements of his history and personality that originated here.

#lord of the rings #lotr #tolkien #theodred #théodred #lotr headcanon #lotr fanfiction #cameos from éomer and boromir #théodred had a real and full life y’all #he wasn’t just sword fodder for the plot

[walviemort]

hidden blessing (12/?)

Summary: Killian thought the only thing he was left with after Milah’s death was a broken heart and a thirst for vengeance. It’s not until he gets to Storybrooke, after so many years spent in stasis, that he discovers something else: he’s carrying her child. How does this new, tiny blessing change his path? (Canon-divergent from 2x12.) rated T | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | part 11 | AO3 | 3.5k a/n: So sorry for the long posting delay (again)! But on the bright side--I have a few more chapters ready :) Hope you enjoy this one!

Killian was jolted from sleep by a sharp pain in his stomach. His eyes fluttered open as he yelped and his hand immediately rushed to the spot the pain was coming from—but something didn’t feel right.

He looked down—and gasped: his belly was much larger than it had been when he fell asleep; it looked like he was about to give birth, and he could feel his babe squirming around impatiently inside.

“No, no, no—what’s happening?” he murmured, hoping he didn’t wake anyone else. Then he hissed as another jolt of pain hit him, under his palm.

“Tick tock, tick tock—looks like someone’s about to pop.”

His eyes darted to the side, where Pan was smirking and staring at his round bump.

“What the hell did you do?” Killian demanded, then groaned again as another contraction came, even stronger than the last.

“Did you really think you and that babe would get out of this scot-free?” he taunted. “I thought you knew me better than that.”

“No, no—you can’t—ahh!” he tried to beg, but it was cut off as his contractions came even closer together.

“Push, Hook,” Pan told him, now below him—waiting to catch the babe, as it were. “You don’t want something bad to happen to them because you didn’t, do you?”

“I won’t,” he panted, even as the pain and pressure increased.

“Oh, but you have to,” Pan said, almost teasing. “Or I’ll take them myself.”

Killian’s body betrayed him and he felt himself bearing down on the next contraction, just like he’d read in his pregnancy books. But it was the last thing he wanted to do.

And then, suddenly, Pan was standing over him with an infant in his arms. They were wrapped in a blanket so he couldn’t see their face, but he could hear them crying—and his heart broke. “Please, Pan—have some humanity; give them back,” he cried, reaching for them.

Pan just stepped back and laughed. “No; they’re mine now.” And disappeared.

“No, no, no!” he screamed, and tried to get up to make chase, but he didn’t get very far when—

—When Emma was whisper-yelling his name, gently shaking him awake. “Hook! Are you okay?”

He was panting and looking around; he was at the camp still, everyone else was still asleep, and, blessedly, his babe was still growing within him, wiggling around in his womb. 

He sighed in relief and fell back against his bedroll. “A terrible dream,” he replied. “Pardon me, but I just need to…” he started, trailing off as he undid the buckle of the belt around his vest, then pressed his palm against the still-small bump. Thank the gods; everything was still as it was supposed to be.

“I take it your dream was about the baby?” she asked quietly, taking a seat next to him.

“Aye,” he nodded, and gave her the run-down of it. Saying it out loud helped calm him, somehow.

When he was done, to his shock, Emma reached for his hand where it still sat on his stomach and squeezed it. “I’ve had a few of those, too, since we got here. Honestly, I’ve had them ever since Henry was under that sleeping curse, but now, I just keep seeing him being taken—by Pan, Regina, Neal. The sooner we get out of here, the better.”

“Indeed,” he agreed as he sat up—and caught her hand in his as he moved. “And Swan—we will save him; we’ve come too far not to at this point.”

“I know,” she said, though she didn’t sound confident. “I’m just not the most optimistic person by nature.”

“Then it’s a good thing your parents have enough of that to spare, eh?” he joked. “As does Baelfire.”

She’d been smirking, but it fell at the mention of her former lover. “He might have too much,” she complained.

“I take it you two didn’t end on good terms?”

She shifted uncomfortably; now it was his turn to squeeze her hand in encouragement. He certainly didn’t expect her to reveal anything she didn’t want to, but he had been curious about the demise of their relationship. “Remember how I said I was pregnant in jail?” He nodded. “He let me take the fall for a theft; I got caught, he got away.”

A pit formed in his stomach. “He did what?” he growled.

She waved him off. “It’s in the past; nothing to be done for it now. And, y’know, there’s a part of me that still loves him—and probably always will. But I can’t forget the pain, either.”

He longed desperately to punch Bae—or worse—for doing that to Emma, but given his own indiscretions against the lad, he didn’t have much of a moral high ground. (It would mean more if Emma were to do it, anyway.) “It’s understandable that you’d have complicated feelings towards him, then,” he offered instead. “And you are the only one who gets to decide what to do about them.”

“Thanks,” she said sincerely, a small smile coming back to her face. 

They simply sat for a moment, still holding hands, as the weight of their conversation settled around them. He figured he should probably add to that, though. “Also, I need to apologize for my behavior earlier, back in the Hollow. I can’t fully blame it on my hormones, but I definitely gave into some baser instincts that nearly cost us the mission—and our lives. I’m so sorry.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but then seemed to lack the words to say in response. He didn’t need one, really; it was more important that he say it than she accept.

But then she leaned in towards him and pressed her lips to his—firmly, but briefly.

She pulled away quickly and stood, dropping his hand as she did. “Go back to sleep; we need our rest for tomorrow,” she said—nay, commanded—then headed back to her own bedroll.

He stared as she walked away, then slowly laid back down. How could she do that and then expect him to simply fall back asleep and not be left with a tempest of emotions to deal with?

(Likely, she presumed he was pregnant and fatigued—which was an accurate assumption, and he did drift back off much sooner than he thought—but bloody hell; he wasn’t sure what was going to be harder to survive: their impending confrontation with Pan, or the emotional whiplash she was inducing.)

—----------------------------------------

In truth, Killian had no idea how much time passed during the events that followed. That was one of the odd things about Neverland—the vagueness of the passage of time; it could have been a couple days or only a couple hours. (It certainly felt like the former.)

That morning, they packed up camp and followed Tink’s lead to Pan’s hideout. After stepping aside to (urgently) relieve himself (one of the many side effects of pregnancy he was discovering), he came back to see Snow and David being far more affectionate than they had been over the last…however long. Something must have changed while he was on his little adventure yesterday.

On their hike, he found himself in stride with David as the fairy set the path. “So, you and the missus seem to be back on good terms,” he observed. 

“Yeah,” David said, smiling a bit, but not fully. “We’re, uh, we’re gonna stay.”

“Stay?”

“Here, in Neverland. Since I can’t leave.”

“Seriously?” He was aghast that anyone would willingly live here, but David just nodded. “Well, it’s…romantic, I guess. I wish you the best of luck.”

Any response David was about to give was interrupted by an unwelcome rustle in the jungle ahead; they were both quick with their blades, as were Tinkerbelle and Neal. But it was just Regina and Rumpelstiltskin, joining back up with them, apparently. Much as he loathed to admit it, it was good timing, too; they had come with a better tool to aid in their fight against Pan. 

“Pandora's box,” Regina said, explaining the odd cube Rumple held. “It could trap Pan for eternity simply by opening the lid.” He rather liked the sound of that. 

Neal, however, did not—or rather, didn’t like any idea that came from his father (of that, they were generally in agreement). 

But Neal’s explanation of a prophecy stating that Henry might be the Dark One’s undoing turned everyone’s head—and then, all of them against Rumpelstiltskin. 

Given the man’s reputation, no one quite believed him when he said he wasn’t going to do anything to hurt Henry—not until he offered Pandora’s box to Neal, in exchange promising he wouldn’t use magic. 

Killian wasn’t sure if it was due to that revelation or the general weight of what they were about to take on, but tension settled over the group as they continued on; even his babe’s movements were a bit more stuttered, it seemed. But at least now, he felt comfortable enough to rest his hand on his belly around the others; he wasn’t sure if the sense of comfort he was trying to pass to his child was felt by the little one, but it at least was by him.

A bit later, Emma came up alongside him with a canteen. But after he’d had a few sips, she asked, “Hey, can we talk?”

“I've found when a woman says that, I'm rarely in for pleasant conversation,” he teased, but obviously he wouldn’t deny a reason to chat with her.

“There has to be a way for David to leave the island—right?”

His heart fell; the one time she was trying to find a bright side, and he had none to offer. “I wish there was, love, but there isn't.”

She (adorably) chewed her bottom lip. “That water—it’s connected to the island, right? What if we take some of it with us? That way he can stay alive in Storybrooke.”

Gods, he hated to be the bearer of bad news. “In theory, yes, but for how long? Once the water runs out, the dreamshade will take his life.”

“Unless there was another cure.” The Crocodile had apparently been eavesdropping, but everyone stopped when he spoke. “Oh, you’re suddenly interested in what I have to say? Thought I wasn't to be trusted,” he sneered. 

“You're not, but I'll take my chances,” Emma snapped; Killian wasn’t so sure. 

But apparently the Dark One had been working on an antidote to the poison ever since Killian’s attempt to murder him with it hadn’t worked out (alas—though he supposed, for Henry’s sake, it was a good thing it hadn’t). 

“What's your price?” Emma asked, perhaps a bit too earnestly—but he knew she could handle a deal with the Dark One. 

“Well, this is quite the favor. I'd expect one of equal weight in return,” Gold answered, far too happy. 

“No,” Neal countered. “When we get back to Storybrooke, you're gonna save David because it's the right thing to do. No deals, no favors, understand?”

Killian turned away and brushed a tear from his eye; he was so proud of the lad (even if they were effectively the same age, he’d always think of him as that boy on his ship) (although he was still angry at him for what Emma had told him; gods, these emotional swings were annoying).

And, amazingly, Gold agreed. Emma, excitedly, ran to tell her father. (Killian had a few more tears to secretly brush away; damned hormones.)

He was able to pull it together by the time they got to the perimeter of Pan’s camp (although he nearly boiled over again when the Dark One “borrowed” his sword—without permission; at least David had an extra).

Despite all their mental preparedness, they hadn’t anticipated finding a nearly empty camp, save for—of all things—a girl.

Wendy was her name, apparently; he’d heard it in passing in his centuries here before, though was unaware she had shared history with Bae. But their brief happy reunion was cut short when she revealed the reality of the situation: that Pan was dying, and he needed Henry’s heart to survive—but they had already left for Skull Rock.

A new plan was quickly hashed out that, unfortunately, had the group splitting up—the idea made him nervous, even though tactically, he knew it was necessary. As such, he and Tink made their way back to his ship to prep it for departure; if all went well, as soon as Emma had retrieved her son, they’d be able to immediately disembark and get the hell out of this cursed realm.

“Good luck, Swan,” he told her, being so bold as to reach for her hand before everyone went their separate ways. “Like I said—I’ve yet to see you fail.”

She gave him half of a smile and squeezed his hand back. “Thanks; you too. See you soon?”

“I look forward to it.”

He and Tink then headed toward where they’d docked the ship, but if he wasn’t mistaken, she was being weird—constantly sending him sideways glances with a smirk on her lips.

“What?” he finally asked her. “Something is on your mind; spit it out, fairy.”

“Someone’s got a crush on Em-ma,” she sing-songed in reply.

He scoffed. “You’ve really been here too long; I think the immaturity of the Lost Boys has rubbed off on you.”

“Oh, come on; it’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“I didn’t say that I was—or that I was trying to hide it. She’s quite aware.”

“Wait!” she said urgently, then jumped in front of him and grabbed his chin. She turned his face side to side, then grinned. “Oh, there it is!”

“What?” he asked, pulling his head back and out of her grasp. 

“Emma’s kiss,” she answered, winking.

“You can see that?” he hissed, then nervously scratched behind an ear. “Is it that obvious?”

“Only to fairies,” she tossed back, then started their trek again. “Does she know about the little one?”

“Aye; everyone does,” he confirmed. “Not like I’ll be able to hide it a whole lot longer.” He cupped his still-small bump, but knew it was only a matter of time before it was obvious. (And also made a mental note to visit the doctor as soon as they docked in Storybrooke.)

“No, probably not,” she laughed. She looked over her shoulder to say something else, but then a blast of energy emanated from across the island, knocking them both down.

While not as dramatic as his fall in Dark Hollow, he still took a minute to check on his babe before rising to his feet and helping Tink up. “The bloody hell was that?”

Any humor she’d had in her expression had disappeared. “No idea, but I think it came from Skull Rock.”

Oh no; that couldn’t mean anything good.

And without any further discussion, they both started to run back in the direction they’d come—back to the others. Something told him that the plans had just changed drastically.

He just prayed it wouldn’t hinder them leaving.

—---------------------------------

Killian’s stomach was not presently strong enough for the sight that greeted him upon their return to Pan’s camp: not only was the Dark One nowhere to be seen, but Henry lay on a pallet, pale and lifeless.

He had to excuse himself to retch; gods forbid anything like that ever happened to his child.

Regina quickly told everyone what had happened—the other groups had arrived at roughly the same time: how Henry had been tricked to giving Pan his heart (who had subsequently ran off with it—as well as Pandora’s box, but not before trapping Rumpelstiltskin inside it), and if they weren’t able to get it back within the next hour, the boy would die—and Pan would win.

The Lost Boys had returned, but most were holding loyal to Pan and refusing to reveal where he’d gone. At least, they were until Emma began to talk to them—and offered the one thing so many of them wanted: a home. 

(Killian’s tears returned.)

And finally, one boy told them what they needed to know: Pan had gone to his thinking tree in the Pixie Woods. He knew exactly where that was. 

Quickly, they hashed together a new plan from the old one: while the ladies took on Pan, everyone else would head back to the ship to make a hasty exit. 

There was no time for a sentimental farewell this time, but hopefully the knowing nod he gave Emma would suffice. And then they were off. 

Neal turned to him. “Let's gather up the Lost Boys and get 'em aboard the Jolly Roger, then get it ready to fly.”

He bit back the initial annoyance that anyone was giving commands for his ship, but that was beside the point right now. Fly? “Let's hope you have a Pegasus sail. Otherwise, we're at the mercy of the trade winds.”

Neal held up the coconut. “Pan's Shadow. It'll get us home, as long as your ship holds together.”

He couldn’t hold back any indignation at the insult towards his ship, though. “As long as your plan holds together, she will,” he snapped back.

He felt a bit guilty for the attitude, even if he had an excuse at the ready for being short with…well, anyone, but thankfully Neal just smirked and shoved the coconut back in his bag, then shouldered it before doing the same to Henry’s prone form.

Tink and the Charmings led the way to the ship, while he and Neal brought up the rear, making sure none of the Lost Boys got, er, more lost. 

Also—they were definitely the slowest of the group. Killian was slogging after his restless night, while Neal obviously had a heavy load. 

“Are you alright with him, mate?” Killian asked Neal. “Do you need any help?”

“Nah, I got him,” came the strained answer. “Besides, you shouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting, should you?”

“Ah, probably not,” he agreed, vaguely recalling something about that in a book. Then he chuckled. “In a way, we’re both carrying our children at the moment, eh?”

Neal laughed. “Honestly, think I prefer this way. Might not be as small but I dunno if I could handle birth.”

“I’ve been trying not to think about it,” he admitted in reply. “But I suppose it can’t be that much worse than losing a hand—right?”

“I guess you’ll find out,” Neal answered. Then he added, “This is still really weird for me, you know; not how I ever thought I’d get a sibling.”

“Aye, I imagine so. But the fact you’re at least acknowledging it is appreciated, rather than running off screaming.”

“It is what it is; but we can figure out the family dynamics when we’re home, okay?”

“Okay,” he laughed in agreement. 

But then he mused on what Neal said: “home.” Obviously, their next destination was Storybrooke; that was home port for most of this little band. But…could it be his?

He thought about it as they reached the ship and readied it for travel. There was no sense trying to go back to the Enchanted Forest; there was nothing left for him there anymore. And Neverland was the only other realm he’d spent much time in; like hell would he attempt to raise a child here. 

So Storybrooke seemed as good a place as any. (And its proximity to Emma was certainly a plus.)

He was perhaps getting lost in daydreams of a potential life in that small town adjacent to its blonde sheriff when she arrived, stomping up to the deck with Regina and Snow in tow—but most importantly, Henry’s heart. 

With not a minute to spare, Regina restored the boy’s heart. There was a tense moment waiting to see what would happen, but then Henry gasped and opened his eyes, a collective sigh of relief sounding from the adults in response. 

The lad was mildly confused by what had happened but just happy to be okay, and obviously tired. “Well then—only the best for our guest of honor. Captain's quarters,” Killian offered, and Regina ushered him below deck. 

As everyone got settled, Neal freed Rumpelstiltskin from Pandora’s box. While he wasn’t thrilled to see his foe again, it did mean that David could be cured—and that did bring a happy tear to his eye. 

He wanted to go to Emma and share a bit of that joy, but Neal moved into her space. So instead, he mounted the quarter deck and took a moment alone—well, he and the babe. “We’re almost through this, little one,” he whispered, cupping his belly. “Then smooth sailing until you arrive.”

Once Regina had returned to the deck, she and Emma went about manipulating Pan’s shadow into a more usable form—particularly, trapping it in the jib sail. It made him sick, on top of the usual wave of nausea he was dealing with, but what other option was there?

“You think it'll fly?” Emma wondered, staring at the eerily dark sail. 

“It has no choice,” Regina confirmed. 

“Then let's get the hell out of Neverland.”

That was his cue. “As you wish, m'lady,” and gave the command to weigh anchor. 

Finally—they were leaving this accursed realm. And as he felt his baby kicking within, he smiled, looking forward to the future for the first time in so long. 

————————————-

thanks for reading! tagging @cocohook38​​​​​​​​ @wyntereyez​​​​​​​​​​ @jennjenn615​​​​​​​​​​ @superadam54​​​​​​​​​​ @ashley-knightingale​​​​​​���​​​ @justsomewhump​​​​​​​ @teamhook​​​​​ (let me know if you want a tag!)

#cs ff #killian jones ff #killian mpreg #my ff #hidden blessing

[shirohige-pirates]

Just Like Fire

CisFem Reader x Portgas D. Ace

CW: angst, language, erotic, violence, serial killer, stalking, poisoning, over-bearing controlling parents, attempted forced marriage, possible dub-con, Munchausen by proxy (aka Factitious Disorder), wildly cute and fluffy despite the warnings. 18+ only

Summary: You're Sabo's biological sister in this AU. After college you moved in with your dear brother and his two sworn brothers in order to avoid going back home. You and Sabo despise your family equally.

Chapter 16: Diagnostic

The rest of the day with Ace went by comfortably. You two watched a movie together, snuggled together on the couch. You talked a little bit more, here and there, sometimes about the movie, sometimes about nothing at all. Ace took care of a couple chores while you got lunch together, and afterward you sat nearby and read while he played a video game.

It was nice to simply exist with him, exchanging the occasional shy smile. Eventually you had your ankles on his thigh, and he’d put a hand on them during a lull in the game. You were grateful for the size of the book you were reading so you could keep your composure a little easier as the afternoon carried on.

Eventually Luffy came home, with Marco in tow. You exchanged greetings, and started making dinner while the three sat in the kitchen and talked with you.

“Law said he’ll be here at 6.” Marco explains as you slide a cup of tea in front of him. “Oh thank you. You’ll make someone quite the wife, (Y/N).” He says it with a smile, and your face turns red. You can’t stop yourself from looking over at Ace, who already has his hat pulled down low.

“Oh.” Marco says softly, smiling to himself.

You clear your throat a little. “Is there anything you prefer to eat?” You question.

Marco shakes his head. “I enjoy pineapple, but I’m not picky.”

“You are a pineapple.” Ace grumps.

“Watch it, brat, or I’ll show no mercy.” Marco warns, taking a sip of tea.

You chuckle at their banter and start to make stir fry for the night. It was quick to cook, but the setup and prep took a bit of time. Enough to give Sabo and Law a chance to join all of you.

While you worked, Marco told you about his curse.

“What do you know about curses?” He asks. “Do they teach the classifications to everyone?”

You nod. “Nobles, at least. There’s Paramecia, Zoan, and Logia, right? Logia can control and become an element, Zoan can turn into something else, and Paramecia is kind of a catch all for otherwise hard to classify cases.”

“Pretty much that, yes.” Marco says. “I’m a Zoan type. I can turn into a Phoenix.”

“Wait – you’re Marco the Phoenix?!” You question turning to face him. Marco smiles and nods. “Oh, haha, you were a bit of a hero to me when I was younger.”

“Oh?”

You laugh again as go back to work while you continue. “My father really hates you. I had no idea what you looked like, but he would complain about you, and someone named Edward Newgate all the time.”

“Hah, that’s Pops’ name!” Ace says proudly.

Your eyes go wide, and you come over to the breakfast bar, beaming at Marco. “Wait, is it true he picked up a firetruck and carried it?”

Marco laughs, but he’s nodding his head. “It’s true, yoi. It’s probably what upset your father. He didn’t carry it alone, but he definitely left the biggest impression on the News network.”

“Why’d he have to carry it?”

“Regulation change.” Marco says. “They decided to classify Firetrucks as needing a special license to operate. Which, it was just a political move to try and tank the central station, they already required additional training and certification to drive, yoi.

“They made the change at 4:53pm on a Friday, and sure enough that weekend saw a lot of little nuisance fires. It was all hands on deck as we took care of them, using our abilities, pulling in all the reserves and volunteers. That Sunday afternoon a huge fire broke out. We needed the truck. If we drove it without the proper license though, they would’ve used it against Pops.” Marco explains.

“So, he carried it.” You grin.

“Aye. After a display like that, the whole ordeal was settled.”

“Why the scuffle in the first place?”

Marco tilts his head a little, and it’s Ace who answers. “Cause they were successful and cursed.”

“Oh.” You lower your head. “Sorry.”

“Nothing for you to apologize for, girl.” Marco says.

You return to cooking. Sabo comes home and shortly after him, Law arrives. The chatter goes in one ear and out the other for you as you work. Your mind’s still on the earlier conversation. The chatter dies down when you get to cooking.

Stir fry goes fast and can be a bit of a spectacle to watch. Ace gives you a hand, passing ingredients as it builds, and eventually takes over the wok when you start to tire. He shows off a little, putting his hand into the stove flame and really bringing up the heat at the end of it.

The meal is set in the middle of the table and portioned out.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight?” You ask, once everyone’s been served, or served themselves.

“First a scan.” Law explains. “If there’s nothing unexpected, I want to remove everything that’s still left.”

“I thought that was risky?” Ace chimes in.

“It’s exponentially safer with Marco assisting.” Law promises.

“What did Chopper discover about the new medication?” Sabo questions.

Law’s silent for a second, and sighs. “Same level of suppressant, just less of the poisons.”

“It’s alright,” you say with a bitter smile. “That’s what I expected.”

“We… also found someone willing to take the medication.” Law’s eyes are on you as he continues carefully. “Miss (Y/N), you are, without a doubt, cursed.”

“Someone willingly took poison?” Sabo questions in shock.

“Zaggy.” Luffy says between mouthfuls of food.

“Oh.”

“You okay?” Ace asks you, and the whole table turns to you.

“Yeah… I mean, I figured. I’m just… conflicted.”

“I bet.” Marco says. “Nobles don’t usually keep cursed children.”

“Whaddya mean?” Luffy asks, and his attention is pulled away from the food in front of him.

“Well, according to the common knowledge, Nobles and such can’t have cursed children. They’re above all that.” Marco says it nonchalantly, but there’s an edge in his voice despite his efforts. “Families often kill, or abandoned their children when one’s born with a curse.”

“Are you saying what… our parents did… was a mercy?” Sabo questions. His voice is shaking, and his fists are clenched.

“No. What I’m saying is that what your parents did was a choice, and what they chose wasn’t anything that killed (Y/N).” Marco says. “They had a lot of options that were easier than what they chose, but why they made those decisions is irrelevant.”

You and Sabo look at Marco.

“The facts are still facts. They could’ve provided the supplement medication truthfully, and untainted. They could’ve done what the Donquixotes did almost fifty years ago, much to their sons’ chagrin.” Marco says. “They were the first Celestials in memory to step down. Both their sons were born cursed.”

“I’ve never read anything about that.” You admit.

“They don’t record something like that.” Law answers. “Aside from the people involved, no one else would know.”

“How do you two know?” Ace asks.

“Rosinante saved my life.” Law answers.

“Doflamingo, well, most of you know that name.” Marco says.

“Wait, the King of Dressrosa that was dethroned and imprisoned three years ago?” You question, mouth wide.

“False king.” Law, Marco and Luffy all say in unison.

“Ah, lil’ spark, it’s good you’re sitting down.” Sabo says. “I would like to preface this with the fact that there hasn’t been a lot of time to catch you up on everything that’s happened since I left.”

“YOU WERE INVOLVED?” You nearly bellow the question.

“Aside from you and me, everyone at this table was.” Marco says.

You open and close your mouth a few times, trying to think of what to say, but you can’t seem to remember what words are.

“We are, obviously, all okay.” Sabo offers hesitantly.

“One life-altering focus at a time.” Law grumbles. “The past is irrelevant right now. Marco and I are here, and you understand the possibilities. Focus on that.”

“Ah… y-yeah.” You agree, sitting back a little. You couldn’t help but think about some of the conversations you’d had with Sabo, and you were starting to realize how practical his position was. Not theoretical. Not fanciful. Not just for the benefit of the two of you.

After everyone ate, it was decided everything would be done down in the basement. Marco’s curse was a tightly guarded secret, and so he didn’t use it in public unless it was a matter of life and death. The house itself was secure, but the basement was even more so.

Law puts his hand out, and the now familiar blue shift permeates the basement area. You’re lying on a coffee table between him and Marco.

“I feel like I’m being ritualistically sacrificed.” You muse.

“It’s not too much of a stretch.” Marco admits with a smile. “This is probably going to feel a little like a rebirth.”

You breathe deep in through your nose and slowly out your mouth a few times.

“Nervous?” Marco asks.

You nod. “A little bit.”

“Oi, Ace, come hold your girl’s hand.” Marco says.

Flames licked around Ace but he stepped over to you and knelt down, taking your hand in his. Seeing you cover your face with your other hand gave him some of his confidence back and he was smirking at you by the time you looked at him again.

“If we tell you to move, do so as fast as possible.” Law says to Ace. “A little burn will be the least of our concerns if we need you to move, understand?”

“Yes.” Ace says, turning away from Law and looking back to you.

The process began, and lasted nearly an hour. You weren’t sure exactly everything that was done, but Law and Marco communicated efficiently. You could feel parts of your body moving without the other parts that would usually need to move with them. Ace put a hand over your eyes as he held onto your hand, asking you if you wanted to know what was going on or not.

When you shook your head, and again to answer that it didn’t hurt, it was just weird, he started talking about movies to you. He talked about the one you’d watched that afternoon, who was in it, what other movies they were in that were better – or worse – and what he wanted to watch with you later. Law and Marco’s conversation became a backdrop to the steady, almost whispered words, muttering random movie facts and trivia into your ear.

“You don’t have to leave, Ace-ya.” Law says, “but I need her hand and head to finish this.”

Ace lets go of your hand and puts his hands on your shoulders, after he moves out of the way of Law and Marco. “Keep your eyes closed, (Y/N).” He says to you. “I’m still here.”

“Hold still.” Law says, after you had nodded to Ace’s voice.

You stilled, and Ace kept talking to you. “You’re doing great. They’re almost done. As soon as we can, we’ll take you on a proper camping trip. Full long weekend. Before that, or after it, we’ll go on that first date. I’ll even go see one of those fancy foreign romance movies if you want, but I was thinking more like a carnival. You can hold my hand on the roller coaster, and I’ll win one of those cheap toys for you from a rigged booth, and we’ll eat food with way too much grease and breading.”

Another moment passes in silence, and then Ace squeezes your shoulders. “You can look now.”

Law already has the look on his face he always has when he’s scanning you as you open your eyes.

“How do you feel?” He asks.

“… Good. A little tired.”

“That might be me.” Marco says. “I can heal people, but sometimes it wears them out.”

“Ace-ya, help her sit up.” Law requests. “Let me know if you feel dizzy or sick.”

Ace and Marco both give you a hand sitting up on the coffee table. You stretch and move and give everyone a smile.

“I feel good. I feel tired, but it feels really different. Like, I don’t know. It feels cleaner.” You try to explain.

“I can’t find anything left in your system either. A trace here or there, but nothing that should be affecting you.” Law says as the blue-tint fades. He takes a step back himself and sits down on the couch heavily. He looks far more exhausted than you, and he’s broken into a sweat.

He puts a tattooed hand up before you can say anything. “I worked a full day and then did this, I’m just tired (Y/N)-ya, I’m okay. Congratulations, you’re not sick anymore.”

You put your arms up over your head. “I’m not sick anymore!” You say in mini celebration.

“I’m… actually, not that tired either.” You say after a moment. You stand up and Ace stands up with you. “Usually when I get excited about something I can feel it draining me, but I almost feel like I’m getting… less tired?”

You look around at the people in the room. “Do… do people get less tired without sleeping?”

Sabo steps up and hugs you. You can feel him tremble a little bit and you realize he’s crying, or trying not to. Ace and Luffy hug you too, and that’s the answer to your question. You hug them back, as best as you can, for a moment, before Marco breaks you all up.

“I know you’re all relieved, but give her some space, yoi.” He says pulling Sabo back with some effort. “(Y/N)’s curse is unknown. Sometimes they can be difficult to control. None of you want her to accidentally hurt someone while you’re celebrating.” Marco waves Ace and Luffy back a couple more steps before he regards you.

“You feel good, but pay attention to your body, yoi. Do you feel anything else?”

You consider it for a moment. Your heart thumps, and you could feel muscle and bone. You could feel your body without the pain, and it was a little surreal on its own. Your base sensation had been pain, the feelings of your bones and organs were accents, but now that was flipped on its head.

“Something feels… right?” You admit after a few long moments. “It’s not wrong, it’s not weird, but there’s something there.” Looking at your hand, you flex it a little and then suddenly your whole arm is a large, snow-white wing that extends so far out you nearly take out Luffy with it.

“My hand! My arm!” You exclaim, trying to take a step back from yourself.

“Wow, (Y/N)’s a Zoan!” Luffy exclaims.

“WHY IS MY ARM A WING?” You try not to screech the question, but you aren’t in control, and you want your arm back.

Marco puts a hand on each of your shoulders and grabs your gaze with his eyes. “Breathe, yoi. Breathe with me.” His voice is commanding, and it pulls you in. You follow him in breathing, and he smiles. “Like that. Just… think about your arm. You know it. Five fingers. You know the color of your skin, the little hairs, the marks no one else sees.”

As he’s talking the wing disappears and your arm returns. Marco pats your shoulders. “There you go, yoi. You’re a natural. Lucky for you, I’m also a Zoan type, and I’m more than happy to help you (Y/N).”

“Haa… ahh… ye-yeah.” You nod. “Yes. Um… tonight?”

“If you’re up for it, I have time to spare tonight.” Marco says with a smile.

“I, however, do not.” Law says standing up. “Miss (Y/N)-ya it has been my pleasure.”

“Ah, yes, mine as well, thank you doctor.” You say, giving his hand a shake. “What do I owe you?”

Law tilts his head a little. “I believe you’ve fed me twice now, besides, I only charge nobles and such. As a cursed, you aren’t one.”

#just like fire #portgas d ace #x reader #portgas d ace x reader #reader insert

[crystaljins]

Stars Above | 10

Characters: Taehyung x Reader

Word count: 4.3k

Synopsis: Your nagging roommate is desperate for a third person to help meet the rent and your university just so happens to be running a fully-funded government grant for anyone who signs up to participate in the Intergalactic Exchange program.

Having an alien for a roommate is just asking for all kinds of trouble, though.

Alien!Taehyung x reader

Rating: Teens

Notes: We’re at the second last chapter!! Where did the time go? I sneezed and 2022 had passed me by!!!

Anyway it’s not a proper goodbye yet but I’m starting to get really emotional to think that not only are we at the end of this series, but of this blog. I’m going to miss you guys!! 

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11

The warp terminal is a sleek, modern building. It could be mistaken for any generic sort of office building, nestled in the very heart of the city. It has steep rates for the underground carpark, to the point that it’s almost risking the fine to park on the street right next to the entrance, and there’s a steady stream of people flowing in and out of the building throughout the day. 

Sighing idly, you kick your legs as you rest against the low concrete wall that skirts around the base of the building. You hadn’t realised there was quite so much bureacracy in merely stepping into a terminal that instantly transported you to a planet galaxies away, but you suppose it is in the best interest of both planets to closely monitor the traffic across the warp. Taehyung had promised the warp would be quick- he’d nip across, ferry his sister back, and be in the car before the parking fee could click over to two hours, but it’s now pushing three hours. 

You glance at your watch- you’ve already bought lunch from a nearby cafe, and then a fancy iced beverage. There’s a little clothing boutique that you browsed through as well. Your phone’s battery is sitting at the 44% mark but you know that there’s only so many sudokus you can do before you start dreaming about numbers in your sleep, and you’ve always stubbornly ignored Nayeon’s advice to have more mobile games than just the sudoku one downloaded. 

You’re briefly contemplating just going home and texting Taehyung to catch the bus with his sister when you feel an abrupt chill on the back of your neck. 

To your credit, you only leap about a metre in the air, whipping around to address the stinging cold to find a grinning Taehyung brandishing a chilled drink at you. 

“Was your waiting time very extended?” He questions. 

You send him a flat look- it’s not really fair to take it out on him, given it’s not like a simple text would traverse the numerous light years that separate Earth, and his home planet. But still, you feel it lacks tact to comment on the absurdly long waiting time. 

“What took so long?” You question, biting back the complaints to stretch out a kink in your neck. The backs of your thighs are chilled from contact with the concrete and they’ve left little imprints on your skin. You accept the drink- it’s sweet and tangy and leaves a pleasant fizz on your tongue but it’s not a drink you’ve ever sampled before.

Taehyung flashes you that guilty smile, the one that has been getting him out of any and all trouble ever since that damned birthday trip with Nayeon, and internally you scold yourself for being so whipped. 

“My sister had not packaged her belongings.” He admits. He steps aside then, gesturing to a young woman, probably only a few years younger than Taehyung, hovering a few metres away. 

She doesn’t resemble Taehyung that much, in all honesty. They both bear that striking beauty that is shared across their entire species, but where Taehyung’s feature are sharp and handsome, hers are soft and delicate. Her eyes are rounded and her cheeks are soft and smooth. The only thing she shares in common with Taehyung is that unique look to her eyes, like galaxies are hidden in their depths, the blue sheen and the 5 pointed pupil, like little stars nestled amidst a dark velvet sky. 

However, there’s something decidedly unfriendly in the way her gaze roves up and down your form, and instantly you are on your guard. 

“Well,” you say to him, not shifting your gaze from his sister. “I hope you know you’re covering the parking rates.” 

Taehyung nods obediently before darting over to his sister. She doesn’t have any baggage on her, but you know from experience that likely it’s just stored in some sort of tiny, neat rectangular device in her pocket, like Taehyung’s were when he first arrived. 

“This is Jina.” He says, and she offers you a curt nod. Taehyung frowns briefly at her before offering you an awkward smile. “She is shy.” He offers by way of explanation, although you suspect it runs a little deeper than mere shyness when she huffs and turns, already stomping off in the direction of the parking lot. 

Shaking your head, you sigh and follow after her before she can get lost on the way to the parking lot. If she has anything close to her brother’s sense of direction, then once she steps out view she’ll be lost amongst the 7 billion plus people and the couple of extra aliens that roam this planet forever. 

“So you had to pack for her and that’s what took three hours?” You ask Taehyung as he falls into step beside you. His knuckles briefly brush yours and you know he senses the mild irritation and the wariness you’re experiencing but he smiles blithely like he can’t. 

“Something like that. We had many things to discuss before she started her visit with earth.” He confesses. Briefly, ever so briefly, his smile drops just enough for you to realise that he’s putting on a brave face, for whatever reason, and instantly your irritation softens into concern. 

Without the veil of your own vexation, you’re suddenly alert to the tiny signals Taehyung has been giving off- the tense hold to his shoulders, the tight curve of his smile, the way his eyes don’t spark with that usual mirthful mischief that makes him so unique himself. The goofy, cheerful smiles had been forced this whole time. 

You hesitate just long enough for him to gain about a half a step’s lead on you. It’s just enough time to gather your composure, and this time you’re the one to allow your knuckles to brush along his. It’s a trick you’ve picked up since discovering your own feelings- if you focus on one emotion hard enough, then that is the one Taehyung picks up on. It’s helpful for hiding certain emotions, but it’s also helpful in letting him know what you’re thinking and feeling. In this instance, you let your concern filter through.  

“Everything ok?” You ask softly. His gaze remains fixed on his sister’s determined stride ahead of the two of you- she’s starting to falter as she draws near the parking lot, probably realising she doesn’t actually know the way. 

“Yes.” He answers absently. “Just….. fatigued.” 

You don’t have to have his alien ability to read emotions to know that it runs a little deeper than that. 

++

Despite her obvious distaste for you upon your first meeting, Jina isn’t a particularly bad room-mate. She’s quiet and sticks to herself, mostly. She brought over most of her meals from her home planet and refuses to touch human food, so you don’t have an extra mouth to feed. She sticks to her room, when you are home, so you never have to compromise in shared spaces. And Taehyung takes her out for most of the day, so you aren’t stuck ferrying her around like you had been with Taehyung when he first arrived on this planet. 

You have nothing to complain about with regards to her visit, and yet something niggles heavily at you. 

Taehyung hasn’t been himself. 

It’s nothing huge- in fact, it probably indicates that you spend far too much time thinking about him for you to even notice the change. None of your other friends seem to notice anything is amiss, after all. He’s as smile-y and happy-go-lucky as ever. He dotes on his sister, which fits perfectly with how you’d thought he’s be towards her. He’s chatty and conversational over dinner. 

It’s in just the briefest moments that it’s obvious something is wrong. Like how he’ll get home after a day out with her and then immediately head straight back out again, leaving Jina to sit in his room. Or how he’ll finish dinner and the smile will slip off his face for moments before he heads back to his room. It’s tiny, it’s minuscule, it’s none of your business…

And yet you’re worried. You don’t know how much of it bears its roots in newly discovered feelings and how much just stems from general empathy, but that pathetic little half-smile of his makes you feel like he’s punched you in the throat

You’re about a week and a half into Jina’s visit with roughly another week to go when you finally confront Taehyung over it. It’s at a bit of an impulse that you bring it up- you’d settled into the couch to watch something on netflix and are surprised when Taehyung settles next to you. 

As is his usual habit, his fingers inch towards the nearest available patch of skin. Today, it’s the top of your foot, stretched out across the cushions. It’s distracting enough that you find yourself watching him instead of the mindless comedy playing in the background. It’s been a while since it’s just been the two of you, what with Taehyung’s lengthy adventures showing his sister around the city. She doesn’t particularly like mixing with you or Nayeon, so the most interaction Taehyung gets is a brief conversation over dinner before he retired to his room or a quick and tired “good morning” before you set out for the day after breakfast. 

“How are you?” You find yourself asking. His thumb, which had been absently tracing along the arch of your foot, pauses as dark eyes flicker to you. He looks tired; his colour just seems leeched and lifeless and there’s something lacklustre about his demeanour. 

“I’m ok.” He answers weakly, offering you a tired smile that markedly contradicts his words. 

It makes you frown because Taehyung has always been open with you. From the littlest things like how his day went to bigger things like fights with his family or stressful assignments. For him to suddenly go against this is disconcerting. 

You’re not sure what he feels flicker across the point of contact between you, but it is surely unpleasant. Perhaps the flicker of hurt, or the mixture of concern and surprise. Whatever it is, it has him sighing in defeat. He leans forward and with his free hand gentle tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. You feel your heart race and your cheeks heat and it makes Taehyung’s smile widen. 

“Little human,” he says affectionately. It’s not a name he’s called you by before and you’re not sure where it comes from but something about the inflection makes your heart stutter in your chest. “I am not content with the thought of your worry.” He confesses, before leaning back to settle against the couch with a sigh. “That is why I’d prefer to carry my own burdens, right now. Please do not be hurt or upset.”

His eyes slide shut and his breathing is steady, exhaustion written into every line of his face. You think you understand the sentiments behind his reluctance to share, but the fact is, you can’t help but worry when he looks like this.

“I’m already worrying.” Is the soft answer you give. One of his eyes blinks open in surprise, and then the other opens to follow. “Don’t…. Don’t make me sit here and make up reasons for why you’re like this. I’ll only worry more- I can’t not worry when you’re not yourself.” 

A long silence follows your admission and then finally Taehyung speaks again. 

“I cannot seem to win where you are concerned.” He laughs wryly to himself. “Very well. I had just hoped…. That perhaps my sister would find more enjoyment of her trip.” He confesses, like he carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. Sad, round eyes flicker to you and you’re reminded of a kicked puppy. “I thought she agreed to come to Earth for my support…. But she came to convince me to return home.”

Suddenly it clicks into place- the long time it took Taehyung to arrive back at the terminal, his sister’s belligerence, his exhaustion and misery…. He’s confessed on separate occasions to you during the past few months that his relationship with his family is rocky at best. You’d mistakenly thought maybe they’d moved past it, considering his enthusiasm for her visit. But no- all this time he’s been facing pressure to give up his exchange, likely from both his sister and his parents. So it makes sense that he’s so disappointed now, and accounts for the way he’s been off. Even someone as cheerful and determined as Taehyung would begin to feel the strain to have his hopes repeatedly stepped on like that. 

“You…” he looks at you like he wants to say more, but then seems to think better of it, changing the subject quickly. “I tried taking her to the places we attended together, since I found a huge enjoyment in those experiences. But she’s so determined to not have any enjoyment that it just keeps going poorly-“ he shoves a frustrated hand through his hair. “I… don’t know what else to do to have her convinced.” 

You bite your lip. This is important to Taehyung. For whatever reason, he really likes Earth, and it’s a fairly simple and reasonable request, to have his family support that. Especially in a planet as community-based as Taehyung’s. And if it’s important to Taehyung… it’s important to you. As silly as it is, you want to do whatever it takes to make this goofy, ridiculous alien happy. 

“Well,” you speak up. “Maybe there’s one place I haven’t taken you to that might win her over?”

++

You’re not sure why you specifically thought the local showgrounds would be the place to convince Jina. But, when you think of fun, earthen events, this is the place you think of. Amusing, mechnical rides, interesting foods, and a general sense of festivity. This is the peak of humanity. 

Taehyung, at least, is thrilled. His eyes flicker from stall to stall, taking in the games and rides. Children run screeching past him, brandishing toys that flash in neon lights. The smell of fried food lingers in the air and at the end of the path, a giant, twinkling ferris wheel towers over the park. 

“This place is amazing!” He confesses, shuffling closer to one of the games where a young couple are taking turns to toss a small ball into a bottle. The guy fails and groans in defeat and then the girl smugly sinks the ball into the bottle. 

Jina is less thrilled- she hugs her arms around herself awkwardly, looking distinctly uncomfortable. The evening has well and truly set in and the last traces of sun have leeched from the horizon yet she still wears her black baseball cap like it will shield her from the onslaught of people pouring between stalls. 

“Would you like something to eat?” You ask her. 

She’s managed to master a look that conveys her sentiments towards you- a sort of squint to her eyes that screams “you are a bug and I would love to squash you”. She levels that particular look at you today and it’s sent with extra potency. 

“I don’t like human food.” She sniffs, hugging her arms around her more tightly. 

Oddly, it reminds you of the twins. They both went through a particularly fussy phase and they handled it in a similar way to Jina- you can vividly recall the pouts that is now mirrored upon Jina’s face. 

“Just one bite?” You coax, stepping in a little closer. Such an action is dangerous- you could be stepping into the den of a lion or a kitten and you won’t find out until it’s too late. “I’ll choose something and if you hate it, I’ll finish the rest?”

Something in her posture slackens just a little- you know she’s on the verge of caving. It’s nearing dinner time, after all, and likely her hunger is warring with her determination to be standoffish and angry. You spare a glance at Taehyung, who had been watching the exchange with a sort of hopeless, despairing expression. 

“Are there any flavours Jina prefers?” You question him. He frowns and pauses, muttering under his breath in the way that he often does when struggling with a translation. 

“Ah…. Sweet?” He says, posing it like a question, as if you would have the answer. But then his gaze sets into something more certain and he nods to himself. “Sweet foods.” He asserts. 

A quick glance around confirms an abundance of sweet foods, so Taehyung’s recommendation doesn’t prove very helpful. Finally, you spot a fairy floss stand a few stalls up. There’s very little that can go wrong with spun sugar and the novelty of soft, coloured and sweet clouds is hopefully enchanting enough to overcome Jina’s aversion to human foods. Idly, you shift your weight back and forth as you wait your place in line. 

The momentary space from Taehyung and Jina means the freedom to think. You think of Taehyung, and his simmering anxiety, the desperation he feels for Jina to see something good. It’s not that he cares much for her opinions of humans, although he’s gentle enough that her dislike has him feeling sorry, but that he seeks her approval. That seems to be what Taehyung has always sought, even when he’d first arrived on Earth, wide-eyed and searching for a place that would accept him. You’ve thought and known this before.

But today, you allow yourself to think of Jina as well. The year cycle on Taehyung’s planet is slightly shorter than Earth’s- numbers-wise, both Taehyung and Jina have larger ages than you. 

But time-wise, the time she has been alive is shorter than yours. It had been a point of confusion during the early days of contact between your two planets; currently, it is understood that the lifespans between your two peoples are similar and yet the other race had presented ages so much larger than humans expect to live to. It’s funny then, that in reality she is little older than a highschooler despite her age being more than yours. 

You picture your own younger siblings, and how they’d feel if you suddenly moved to another country. They cry every time you leave home to return back to your apartment- they beg you to stay with tears streaking their little faces. 

You think that Jina’s attitude may be something similar. With each new place Taehyung brings her, she sees what he likes. She sees the things he enjoys. She sees that he’s happy. You hadn’t known him before Earth, but you knew the timid, distantly polite alien that had arrived and the boisterous, eager, joyful soul that remains. For whatever reason, Taehyung loves Earth. And to Jina, that love is stealing him away. 

So perhaps the secret is not to show her the good things of Earth, but rather that Taehyung will not leave her. Well, physically he may, but at the very least, for as long as he lives, he will love and adore his baby sister.

With a sigh, you accept the stick of the fairy floss from the stall worker- it’s two toned. Soft, pastel blue, and a sweet, warm pink colour. You hold it carefully, weary of the sugar melting against your hands and leaving it sticky. 

You find the two siblings seated in a quieter section, away from the crowd. Taehyung stretches his legs out against the grass, while Jina hugs her into her chest. It’s not so well-lit here, which is perhaps it’s so quiet. Above them, the ferris wheel towers. Likely, the bright lights would tamper with the view of the outstretched city you’d gain within the carriages of the ride. The park owners had deliberately left it dark. From one window, the showgrounds would stretch in a brightly lit path, and you could watch the people the milled through the stalls- from the other, you could glimpse the sprawling, twinkling metropolitan lights. 

Taehyung would like the ferris wheel, is what you think as you settle beside them.

You stretch your arm out, towards Jina, offering her the fairy floss. She squints at it suspiciously, before accepting the wooden stick between wary fingertips. 

“It’s a sweet.” You say. “It gets very sticky, but you can pull off little pieces and eat them, or you could bite it straight off the stick.” 

She takes a small amount, nibbling at it tentatively. The way she chews is like a little rodent. 

She must enjoy the taste, however, for her mouthfuls become more sure and she plucks off larger chunks to eat. 

Finally, she pauses and her gaze flickers to you and Taehyung, watching expectantly. She swallows her mouthful and stares back for a long moment, before speaking at last. 

“I’m thirsty.” She announces. You blink a few times, before nodding and sighing. She, like Taehyung, refuses to take anything with animal products in it, but a can of soft drink should be relatively safe. 

But she stops you. 

“Him.” She demands, like she is a commander giving orders to her army. “He knows what I like better.”

A silent current passes between the siblings that warns you not to protest. They seem to settle upon some sort of agreement, for Taehyung clambers to his feet, brushing away the dirt that clings to the back of his jeans. 

“I’ll return in a quick moment.” He assures the two of you, before darting back towards the main path of the showgrounds. 

It leaves you alone with Jina, which you never actually have been before. She always makes a conscious to either avoid acknowledging your existence, or glaring at you so hard you wish she’d just ignored you. 

The silence is awkward until Jina breaks it. Then the awkwardness of the conversation is worse.

“You tempt him.” She observes. For a moment, you stare at her, incredulous, and perhaps the baffled look to your eyes conveys that you don’t understand. Her mouth sets in a thin line of frustration before she tries again. The words are slow and you wonder if maybe she’s just struggling to translate her thoughts into your language. “You lure him away. From home.”

You grimace at her. 

“I do no such thing.” You assert, slightly offended that she thinks you’d ever do something like that to Taehyung. All his actions are his own, and you’d never deprive him of the valuable right to choose his own path. She shakes her head angrily, still frustrated. 

“No, you don’t.” She agrees. “I don’t mean that you do it with active intention. I mean that your being is why he’s here. Your presence. He stays because of you.”

You purse your lips, startled at the implication, and it takes you a few moments to find words for a rebuttal. 

“He doesn’t.” Is the genius comeback your brain supplies you with. 

She gives you a flat look and plucks another chunk of fairy floss, chewing at it with more aggression than is perhaps warranted for a soft, spun-sugar snack. 

“Humans lack so much.” She complains. Sharp eyes flick to you- in this lighting you cannot make out the distinct points of her pupils- instead to round black circles stare you down. “He loves you.”

There’s a beat of silence, laden with meaning. Children laugh in the background, and snippets of the unintelligible babble of conversation float through on the night time breeze. 

“He doesn’t.” You say, because you don’t know what else to say. Truthfully, you don’t know if he does or doesn’t. You’d studiously avoided ever dissecting his actions, out of a desperate sense of self-preservation. To over-interpret his actions and be wrong would hurt. To be correct would be terrifying. Your heart is a tight ball of anxiety- the answer of “does he” or “doesn’t he” feels like an enormous, hulking beast, one you can never hope to defeat. 

Jina snorts. 

“Obviously he does. I know my brother- I see how his look has you in it. I know that he has taken changes. I know how our people have love.” Her gaze turns sharp. “And I know that he has enough of foolishness to keep him home at Earth for a human girl.” 

You swallow past a dry mouth. Should you believe her? Should you deny it?

Your heart releases, a traitorous, happy flutter. You picture that morning, at the camp- the way the sunlight had washed his hair gold, the galaxies that swum in his irises. You remember a bright smile with strawberry-stained lips. You remember tired but tender gazes as he returned from a long day. You remember the tickle of his fingers in your hair as you fought back sleep. 

Could he? Could he really love you? 

Jina groans and rolls her eyes, burying her face in her hands. She has long since finished her fairy floss. 

“Make sure that he makes visits.” She sighs, through her hands. “If he insists on staying, I mean. He has not any sense, but you do. I will accept you if you promise his visits.” 

You never give an answer, because Taehyung returns at that moment, proudly brandishing a tall, strawberry-coloured drink that probably cost an absurd amount of money. 

And yet, nevertheless, while Jina remains grumpy for the rest of her trip, there’s something gentler about her. 

And Taehyung goes back to his normal self, cheerful and relaxed, even if he looks a little sad as she steps into the warp terminal after she says goodbye. 

“You can visit her.” You remind him. “Warp travel is pretty fast, I hear.” 

He glances down at you, and his smile is sweet, fond. 

“I know.” He answers. And then he turns away. There’s a bounce in his step as he leads you home.

#taehyung x reader #tae x reader #kim taehyung x reader #v x reader #anis farewell

[chen-chen-chen-again-chen]

Hi, hello, hola, and happy Stab Caesar Day! Tumblr ate my original draft because, um, I guess its hunger is horrible and insatiable? But here I am for take two. Thank you to @artsyunderstudy, @larkral, and @forabeatofadrum, who tagged me today and who continue to craft delightful things.

Updates on My Good Egg (Good morning, good night, good morning): My plan of posting Chapter 4 today ain't gonna happen. I updated the author's notes, but the next posting date is TBD. I need to focus on my health right now, and then I'll be travelling for a bit (March 24-April 7). But hey, if you've been meaning to read this one, now's a great time to catch up? 🤣

In the meanwhile, I'll share a snippet featuring several of my OCs, Baz's queer, chaotic uni friends. Behind the cut for mild spice. 🌶️

Bunce goes off with Simon so that she can pump the American bartender for information, and as soon as they’re out of earshot, Emma leans forward, her eyes glittering. “Well?”

“Well what.”

“I told Liu and Ramesh you got kidnapped,” Emma says, waving her hand dismissively, “and of course we’re all very worried and hope you’re doing okay and acclimating to regular life again, but have. You. Ridden. That.” 

Baz regrets downing a few rats before they left for the pub, because it means he has enough blood in him to blush. “We’ve been figuring out this kidnapping situation,” he says coolly. “It hasn’t left much time for carnal pursuits.” 

“Baz,” Liu says, aghast. “Why haven’t you fucked that nice himbo? He’s clearly gagging for it - he couldn’t stop staring at your arse in those jeans.” 

“Is he a himbo?” Ramesh says. He pulls out a pen and starts to doodle a triple Venn diagram on a napkin. “He seemed like more of a twunk to me. And he’s got a great bear belly.” 

“Ladies,” Emma says, her hands fluttering in mock-distress, “please don’t objectify that sweet boy before Baz gets to objectify him. Baz will eat his fill of the man-meat and then give us a report.” 

(Please put in the comments/tags if you think Simon Snow is a twunk, a himbo, or something else delightful. 🤣)

Hello tags and tagbacks: @whogaveyoupermission, @cutestkilla, @facewithoutheart, @captain-aralias, @fatalfangirl, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @whogaveyoupermission (THE EDGING CONTINUES), @raenestee, @ileadacharmedlife, @shrekgogurt, @hushed-chorus, @shemakesmeforget, @theimpossibledemon, @imagineacoolusername

More about the hiatus for My Good Egg:

(Warning for some hard stuff, Big Feelings, trauma recovery. Feel free to skip and just bask in Ides of March posts instead!)

Okay, so introspective life/writing blather here... I keep meaning to write a post, at some point, about some of the best practices that I follow when I am writing about material that is heavy, like in Baker boxer teacher grief or the Rosethorn girl universe.

A lot of stuff that works for me is probably self-evident: go slow, be gentle, ground yourself, talk to safe people, have a release valve, be able to walk away, offer yourself a lot of self-care and self-compassion, take care of the soft animal of your body. And don't feel like you have to put everything in - some of what you can write can just be for you, and it can be enough to have written it, and not include it in the finished product.

I honestly didn't expect Good morning, good night, good morning to get me where I live. It is, as I've always maintained, a dumb horny rom com (that somehow developed a plot and backstory and plot TWISTS and OCs but ANYWAY). But there was a line in Chapter 3 that kept rattling around in me:

“You were a kid,” Simon says, his voice low and angry. “You were just a kid.” 

This is not the first time I've been triggered by own fic (and probably won't be the last, LOL!), but this one did me a doozy. I've had to take a few steps back, and just focus on recovering from trauma that's been reactivated in my body. It is wild what the body remembers, and how it holds onto pain.

(There is, at the same time, other stuff happening with my family with grief and estrangement and just a whole mischegoss of hard feelings, so that adds another element into the mix.)

To circle back round to My Good Egg: I'm putting it to the side for now while I tend to my health and just recovering from the past few weeks. It's funny - I don't think it's a particularly angsty story or one that does a super deep dive into trauma, but I need to take some pieces off my plate right now, and this fic is one of them.

I will always keep writing - the WIP game has been a delightful brain refresher, and I have a very fun Six Sentence Sunday post that I'm already excited to share. But for now, My Good Egg is gonna have a li'l nap. When I come back to it, I think I'll switch over to writing the second draft in its entirety, and then posting the chapters weekly, whenever that happens. I'm not putting a timeline on it right now.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my TED talk making your way through this personal essay, if you've gotten this far. I am continually blown away and delighted by everyone who engages with the fic, and I am so excited to serve you up some treats in the future.

To end on a lighter note, here is an exchange with my spouse, the inestimable EarlobeGreyTea who continues to offer thoughtful and nuanced feedback on this fic, Exhibit A:

EarlobeGreyTea: Did they fuck in this chapter?

Me: No Me: And they didn't fuck in the previous chapter Me: It's the EROTIC Grope Fest. It doesn't have to have explicit sex (yet) EarlobeGreyTea: Yeah, I guess it isn't the Sloppy Fuck Fest

Love you all. ❤️❤️❤️

#WIP Wednesday #My Good Egg #good morning good night good morning #life and writing #long boi #big mood #my fic tag

[thatbanditqueen]

Against the Wall Chapter 3

Knock Me Down

A brief note: I need to go back and edit the previous chapters' posts, because this fic has taken on a life of its own. I envisioned it as this epic three-chapter story I would write over the winter holidays as a sort of sweet Christmas anti rom-com about Austin and an OC in the late 1980s/early 1990s. Then it took me twenty days to finish the third chapter. And it's pretty clear to me that I have more to write. At least one more chapter and an epilogue..... so whatever.....

I don't usually take requests, but I do appreciate input and feedback and suggestions, although I cannot guarantee how the writing process will work itself out, I will say that your feedback has kept me going and I included a few little scenes especially for @slowsweetlove although I probably didn't do him justice and completely defied his persona, I changed Keanu to suit my narrative needs and I hope it isn't too horrible to bear....

Catch up here:

Chapter 1: Bruised Bananas

Chapter 2: Red-Headed Woman

Summary: Picking up where we left off in chapter two, Hannah and Austin cope with the fallout from her arrest, and try to make the best of it, but fate gets in the way and they break up again, Austin begins to give in to some bad habits of his own while Hannah tries to forge a clean start but has some hard decisions to make on the way....

Rating: Explicit

Warning: smut, so 18+ only please, vaginal, oral, threesomes, sex with prostitutes, toxic, dark consensual sex, drugs, alcohol, pregnancy

Words: 15.4 K

IF YOU ENJOY PLEASE LIKE, REBLOG AND/OR LEAVE ME SOME FEEDBACK LETTING ME KNOW WHAT YOU THOUGHT.

so many typos sorry

Hannah's Rehab Playlist (basically grungey alt from late 80s/early 90s)

Hannah & Austin's Romantic Mixtape (get it on music from 70s - early 90s they would've liked... i don't know, it was part of my creative process...)

May 12, 1991, 7 am

Culver City Police Department

The wall greeted Hannah’s head with a thud, and she knocked her self back into it harder, wanting to absorb  the cold concrete, it was awelcome relief to  her warm, throbbing, anxious neck as she blocked the fluorescent glow of the overhead light with her hand. She sighed, head pounding, longing to sleep, but the adrenaline coursing through her blood made sleep impossible. That, and the general grey, dour, imprisoned atmosphere of the Los Angeles County holding cell where she found her self confined. That also made sleep impossible. So instead, she lay there, mentally flaying herself for being so stupid, so unlucky, and so utterly fucked. The severe, angry figure of Austin’s publicist Min greeted her at the discharge desk. Tall, slender, Black, with high cheekbones and an elegant, refined style, Hannah shuddered at Min’s terse smile as it led her to a white Mercedes.

“Thanks… for getting me … you didn’t have to….” Hannah looked down.

“I got a call from Austin’s agent, Brett, at 4:30 this morning informing me one of Hollywood’s hottest, highest paid actors is trying to leave an active, overseas production, one already running behind, and costing the studio hundreds of thousands of dollars a day, to rescue his girlfriend, so, um, yeah, I did have to….its going to take all my effort and connections to keep the damage to a minimum…”

Sighing as she looked out the window, Hannah  realized they were going over the 101 to the valley, a direction that was decidedly not towards her apartment. About an hour later, after a shower and some coffee, Hannah sat on a bar stool in Min’s pristine kitchen trying her best to respond to a series of questions and rules.

“Let’s not beat around the bush. My job is to minimize the amount of people who know you were arrested last night. This is best for both your career and Austin’s.” Hannah nodded to Min, but reminded herself that Min gets 10% of Austin’s salary, and his career was her priority, not hers.

“Alright,  Hannah. Have you ever been arrested before?” Hannah shook her head. “Good, that’s good… OK… now, be honest, has Austin been doing cocaine and heroin as much as you or Downey, or any of the other reprobates you have been running around with?”

“Um… Austin likes to party but uh …  he doesn’t need to, you know? I… uh… he stopped partying when he’s working on a project … he, uh, never tried H. He doesn’t even know I’ve done it…” 

“Well, he knows now. Right, ok, and how long have you had a drug problem ?”

Hannah looked down, her breathe caught in her throat before she murmured. “I don’t know if I would say I have a problem… 

“Hannah,  you were arrested for DRUGS, illegal ones, bad ones, coke and heroin ——”

“I’ve only done H a handful of times —”

“I wish you could hear yourself. Most people never utter those words…. If this gets connected to Austin, it can make him an insurance liability. Which is BAD. And, honestly the publicity is a career killer for you too,  no director wants to hire a drug addict. So we need to contain this. And you need to sound contrite, apologetic, like you understand that all drugs are bad. Got it?” Hannah nodded again, accepting her role in this conversation: silent acquiescence. 

“Right, last question - you’re on a film right now?”

“Yeah, uh … we finished the Point Break final mix Friday, that’s why I was out last night… the delivery party is next Friday …” 

“You are one lucky girl.” Min put her coffee down, pointing at Hannah as she spoke. “You may actually get out of this with your reputation intact… if you do EXACTLY as I say. Rule one, no more dressing up like you’re auditioning for a Guns n’ Roses video. Think sleek, think simple, think modest. I want you to look like a PTA mom who is also an accountant. Got it?” 

Hannah mumbled how she hated Guns n’ Roses, but her chin bobbed up and down with assent. 

“Good. Ok, rule two, and hopefully this is obvious, but no more partying. I don’t care if you’re at the wrap party and Patrick Swayze offers you shots off his tight, perfect ass. You are now the paragon of sober, chaste behavior. I’m setting you up with an attorney, good one, Sheila, she specializes in these… sorts of…things… You need to prepare yourself. Sheila is going to tell you to start going to twelve step meetings, it will look good. She’ll ask for rehab in exchange for no jail time and a dismissal of charges.”

Hannah’s head fell into her hands, and her voice was shaking. “But I —“

“Possession of heroin, cocaine, unregistered guns, those are felonies here in California. Trust me babe, you don’t wanna fuck with prison. Rehab is the sensible choice, the choice that keeps this off your record, and then boom, clean slate…. ok, last rule: no more carbs.”

“Wait, why shouldn’t I eat carbs?”

“People always gain weight when they go to rehab, darling, and it would just make my life so much easier if you started saying no to carbs. And maybe yes to cigarettes? Now there’s a drug addiction I can get behind, keeps the appetite down, looks cool, might even help you get through all this.”

“Gee, thanks for the pep talk, Min, you make me feel horrible about myself.”

“Good, channel that when you think you want a doughnut. And smoke instead.”

Chewing sweet, glazed doughnuts in the passenger seat of her friend Robin’s car, Hannah let the gooey carbohydrates do their work comforting her as she prepared to call Austin. It was nighttime in London, and the cool, self control in his voice threw her off. Hannah could almost feel his abs tensing as he tightened up inward and put up a calm front. His timbre was steady, confident, unflappable. There was a slight British twinge to his voice, she could hear the Jagger in it, and he sounded like a bizarre version of himself. Hannah tried to lighten the mood, teasing him about his accent, but it was hard to combat every variation of his vague “the main thing is that you are ok, right Banana?”  It betrayed how worried he was. Guilty for making him worry, guilty for ruining their travel plans, Hannah explained how she wouldn’t be flying over in two weeks and didn’t know when they would see each other.

“I totally get it if you want to take a break…” Hannah offered.

“What, from us?” 

“Yeah,” she added, wiping her eyes, letting the word salad tossing around her mind tumble out. “I just… I … I’m a mess and its already been so long since we had sex and being with me is putting your career at risk, and I would never fuck with your money…. or your art … you are so talented …  and I fucked up and I just… I would understand —if you need a break from the drama… ”

Austin paused, her comment about his talent was unnerving, raw praise was not something Hannah did, it usually was hidden in back handed mockery or laced with sarcasm. Watching Hannah struggle to admit he was good at anything made it so charming when she did, that, in those moments, he actually felt like he deserved her approval. She was perpetually the same to him since they met: brutally honesty and never obsequious, no matter his success. Or hers, for that matter. Hannah’s authenticity drove his need to have her in his life. That, and the way her feisty stubbornness provoked a subconscious desire to conquer her, she was a challenge he would surmount, and he secretly longed to marry her, fill her with children and make her his forever. But Austin never really entertained those inclinations. He couldn’t explain how he felt that, and then was also turned on by how ambitious and smart and talented Hannah was. He loved mentally sparring with her, exchanging witty barbs with each other was like foreplay. Then also, he loved catching her at work at the end of the day, still editing a scene. Her eyes lit up, biting her lip in concentration as if she was solving a complex puzzle. Then there was the way she never expected or demanded anything, never took it for granted that he would pay for dinner, concert tickets or trips, had refused to move in with him. Her plucky, unassuming self-reliance made him want to take care of her even more and give her the life she’d never had. There were moments when Hannah let down her walls and became vulnerable, moments when she let herself be raw,  ask for help, or reach out to be touched, Austin lived for those moments. His favorite view of her was from between her legs, when she was completely naked, and his mouth was in her cunt, licking her, pleasing her, devouring her in ways she had always been wya too self conscious to let another man touch her. Austin lived to watch her face twist in tortured ecstasy as she writhed beneath him, moans begging him to continue, while her eyes betrayed her fear of the unbridled feelings she couldn’t control. It was sticking his tongue into a live current of lightening in the middle of velvet hurricane.

Austin had been in London  for a month and he ached for Hannah’s companionship. Work was a useful distraction, his days started on the set at 6 am, and then he was often not back to the hotel, often, before 8 or 9 pm, sometimes grabbing a bite with the other cast members or crew. He told himself he was glad not to have Hannah there, it wouldn’t have been fair to leave her all day six days a week, and then giving her the worst version of himself in the evenings, exhausted and just wanting to recover and recharge. Acting demanded so much intense work, that being alone on an overseas shoot made it easier to stay in character. Which was the part of his job he loved, the magic of subsuming himself in a character that wasn’t plain, boring Austin from Anaheim. 

Sundays were his only day off, and today, on this Sunday, listening to Hannah blabber on insecure and nice and completely vulnerable sparked something primal in Austin. He wanted to throw his phone down and run to Heathrow and fly too her immediately. He banged his hand on the table, frustrated at how stuck he was, and made a mental note to tell Min that money was no object for a lawyer or rehab or whatever else was needed to  to take care of Hannah right now. Ashley, he needed to call his sister Ashley and ask if she could drive to LA and help out as well. Making this mental list, Austin roused himself from his reverie and returned to their conversation.

“HAN - NAH,” Austin’s voice growled in a low, husky rumble through the phone receiver slowly and surely. “Stop…. sshhhhh…  baby…. you’re tired, you’re scared, it’s ok baby…. I get it… but….I. Love. You. Do you hear me Red? … I FUCKING BLOODY WELL LOVE YOU. I am not some sex crazed teen age boy. I’m a grown man. I’m not going to break up with you the day you get arrested for heroin because I need to fuck something… I would be there with you if I could, baby. It kills me that I can’t be there to take care of you -”

“But you shouldn’t have to take care of me, you should be with someone easier —”

“Banana! You were extremely easy …. that’s partly why I love you - you didn’t play hard to get, you opened up those legs the second I met you and then fucked me in an alley before you even knew my name —”

“That’s not what I meant. Plus, I knew your first name…  and I could tell you were an ok guy, I saw your soul in the bathroom that night … But that’s not the kind of easy I’m talking about… I meant uncomplicated… simple… easy to live with…”

“Nothing worth having is easy, Red … look… you’re the only one I want… I don’t want anyone else. I love you. I love your messy, big beautiful…. brain… those two heaving sides of your cerebellum, working up new insults to hurl at me… I honestly don’t know how you do it… I love your big, beautiful tits…” his voice was low, husky now, slowly as he relished the mental image of Hannah the last time they’d been naked in bed together. “I love your big, beautiful Banana butt, and I really really love your sweet, little, tight —”

“Austin stop! I’m at Robin’s house, she is sitting ten feet from me —”

 “MOUTH… what did you think I was gonna say? S’ides, she can’t hear what I am saying—“

“But she can see my reaction, even though she is on the couch, politely pretending to read a magazine and being very very cool about everything…”

“Wait, are you blushing? OH baby, you’re so fucKing cute when you blush…. Especially when your lips are around my—

“Austin!”

“Ok, ok. Look. I can’t help it, your voice is so sexy its distracting me… Look, I’m fine. I’m so busy with work, its probably good you aren’t flying to London, because we’re doing twelve hour shoots.  I’ll just come home after we wrap, I need a break, you do too, so its good we aren’t gonna travel around Europe all summer. I need to recover….  I’ll be home in August, and until then, it’ll be just like any other long distance thing, and we’ll be fine. We’re already pretty banging at phone sex…  and you can use all that free time in rehab to write me dirty love letters —”

A loud guffaw escaped from Hannah’s rough, cried-out throat.

“Oh baby, I love it when you snort. Loudly.”

“Shut up, Austin, you really are a dirty, little pervert. I swear, I can hear your hard on…. I can just tell from your goofy voice… how can snorting turn you on?”

“The world works in mystical ways, never question a hard on… just say thank you….”

Hannah chuckled, “I can’t decide if I want to punch you or make out…?’

“I wish we could do both, preferably, in that order… oh Banana, everything is gonna be ok. Maybe this is a good thing.”

Hannah paused. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Sighing, Austin looked up and let his eyes wander, unfocus, following the rectangles of light bouncing off the crystal chandelier in his hotel room. He wondered if Hannah would be in this trouble if he had just been man enough to confront her before he left LA last month. If he really wallowed in self pity, his guilt spiraled back to their first break up, when he cheated on her. Because after getting back together, the biggest change he observed was Hannah’s new daily coke habit. It was a drug she used to hate it, and now she did it first thing in the morning. One evening before he left for England, SJP had cornered Austin at the Viper Room and confided that she was pretty sure Bob and Hannah were doing heroin with Johnny Depp, Winona Ryder and River Phoenix in the club’s back office. That Hannah had started experimenting with smack in Venice with Bob, behind her back. Austin had told her she was being paranoid, they were doing blow, like everyone else. Sure, Hannah enjoyed blow, maybe too much, but then again, coke was everywhere, e was everywhere, and everyone was doing it, including them. But heroin? No. Hannah was no junkie, she had no track marks, wasn’t passing out, or missing work, or stealing things. She was just going through a party girl phase, needed to let off steam now that she was getting better jobs, and needed to get it out of her system and find her rhythm.  Now, after the arrest, he wasn’t so sure, and the prospect of Hannah being locked away in a rehab, getting rest, forced off drugs, was actually a salve comforting the overwhelming sense of powerlessness and fear running through him because he was so far away. 

“Banana... I’m just saying maybe some rest and relaxation will be good….”

May 17, 1991

Hannah tried to be good while her lawyer, Sheila, sorted out her case. She wore boring clothes. She clenched her fist and powered through the week totally clean until the Point Break wrap party, when she looked down to find herself sipping on a beer and couldn’t even remember picking it up. Fuck it, its just one, you deserve it with the week you’ve had. Three beers and two shots of tequila later Hannah was smoking a joint out back with a mix of actors and crew, including Keanu Reeves, Lori Petty and others. The night went on, the atmosphere was giddy with the thrill of completing such a large-scale action movie and Hannah chased her warm buzz into a drunken fuck-it cyclone. Staggering toward her car, wondering if she should drive, she was rescued from indecision by a bounding Keanu running into her, long hair flapping behind him as he grabbed her hand and pulled her towards a group heading to Sunset in a limo. Hannah couldn’t see straight leaving the The Standard at 2:30 a.m., and found herself sharing a cab alone with Keanu, and his hands, one of which found its way to her knee, a glint sparkling in his eyes, his brows arched in a question.  In that moment, the sheer flattery of his proposition sent a of flock butterflies fluttering through Hannah’s belly, and she looked up at Keanu’s rugged jawline through blurry eyes, focusing her eyes on the rough stubble calling out for her fingers, imagining how sweet it would be to look up at him as he fucked her softly, slowly, tenderly. No one would know. She felt like she was dancing above a ravine, daring herself to tumble in to her own demise. Hearing his velvety, warm voice, Hannah almost propelled herself forward.

“You know, Rosenfeld, you’re the cutest editor I’ve ever met…”

Hannah let out a sardonic, “ha,” taking a deep breath. It took all her will power to remove Keanu’s hand from her knee. 

“Not sure if that’s a compliment… most editors are gross, nerdy, old white dudes… kinda low bar there, K-Rock… but, thanks anyway… it’s just … I have a boyfriend…”

“Still with Austin?”

She nodded, leaving with a hug before wobbling out of the cab and into Robin’s house. The base of her head was still throbbing Monday morning when Austin’s sister, Ashley, showed up to take her to lunch and help her get ready for rehab.

August 17, 1991

Golden Key Treatment Center, Half Moon Bay, CA

Hannah stood in front of the mirror, tee shirt lifted up, moving her hand over her belly and hips, stopping at the top of her grey sweatpants and snapping the elastic in frustration.

“Ughhh, I think I’ve gained 10 pounds since I got here… what the fuck can I possibly wear tomorrow?” She whined to her roommate Sonal, who looked up as she flipped through Cosmo. 

“Shut up Hannah, you look healthy, I would kill for your tits…..”

Hannah shifted from side to side. “And I would kill to be 18 again, like you, with your stupid metabolism and great genes … you could be a model… I would hate you if you weren’t the only other sane person here… but you need to tell your mom tomorrow, no more bringing tubs of Indian food for us to eat at family visitation …  Ok, from now on, every time I want to eat, I’m gonna smoke… coming? ” Hannah slipped on her birks and grabbed her pack of Parliament methols. Sonal followed her downstairs and outside to the ring of metal chairs and benches in the designated smoking area. Golden Key was like a jail mixed with a posh psych ward housed in a Mediterranean style villa overlooking the Pacific Ocean above levels of manicured gardens punctuated with fountains, a pool and tennis courts. The most comfortable smoking section was a deck off to one side of the lobby at the entrance, hidden from the drive by a line of tall evergreen shrubbery, but convenient for those stressful moments Sundays during family time visiting with guests in the main building. 

Today, Hannah and Sonal were alone on their walk through the grounds. Saturdays were the only day patients could get a day pass to leave campus with a buddy or approved guest. It was also one of two days they got to sleep in, and Hannah and Sonal had conspired to stay in, eat cookie dough and veg out watching television, for once not having to compromise with others on what they watched in the common room. Hannah had regressed back to habits from her freshman year at UCLA, spending the day in pajamas without make up, smoking menthols and watching TV.

Sonal exhaled her cigarette, “How long did you say it’s been since you saw your boyfriend?”

“Early April… it’s been over four months ago… he’s probably boarding his flight right now … today’s actually his birthday, but he couldn’t get over until tomorrow…  I’ve been trying to think where we can sneak off during visitation tomorrow … though he probably won’t want to fuck me when he sees how fat and boring I’ve become here… ”

“Hannah… if its been four months, he won’t care what you look like. Why was he in London again?” 

Hannah bit her lip, “Yeah,  he, uh … his company transferred him, but he’s—”

Standing, Sonal looked through the shrubs out toward the circular driveway. “Shhh, Hannah, a black convertible just pulled up front, it looks expensive… ”

Hannah bounced up, moving to peep around the shrubs. “That’s a Lamborghini….” she murmured, watching a tall white guy with shoulder length blonde hair covering his face grab a bouquet of roses and step out of the car. A shot of electricity went through her stomach as she realized who it was, and, stabbing out her cigarette butt she became a woman possessed. She scurried around the deck’s stone balustrade columns and ran down the steps towards the car, the flop of her sandals falling off didn’t phase her. The force of her body knocked Austin back onto the hood of the car as she jumped onto him, legs around his waist, a high pitched squeal escaping her mouth before it smashed against his lips.

“Hey Red…happy to see me?” Austin looked up, through a sly grin in-between kisses, blue eyes bright and twinkling at Hannah. She slide off him, panting and giggling, then realizing she was barefoot in sweatpants, she punched Austin in the shoulder. 

“Asshole - I did not want to look like like this the first time you saw me…..I fucking hate you!”

Austin smirked as he rubbed his mouth, raw from Hannah’s assault on it, his hands were now on her waist as he pulled her back into his embrace. “Shut up, you look fucking hot… I might have to ravish you right here on my new car…”

“NOPE…. I know how much you like public sex… ugh, actors… consistently looking for an audience… well, the joke’s on you, babe… now you have to wait for me to shower and get some clothes on.”

“What’s the point when I’m going spend the rest of the night tryin to get them off…?”

“Hmm, we’ll see if you have a chance with that British accent… where’s the man I said goodbye to in March? Did you leave my boyfriend back in London?”

“Yeah… I … uh…” Austin ran his hand through his long hair, pushing it behind his ear, embarrassed. “I’m working on that… I’ve been speaking like Mick Jagger for almost six months… longer if you count the dialogue coach I started with last fall… at this point…  I don’t even know what my real voice sounds like, I mean, this feels like my real voice… certain things trigger it and other times as well it’s, I don’t know… I can’t help it, its like a part of the fiber of my being… fuck, that sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

Hannah caressed the side of his mouth, noticing how tired he looked. “No, it doesn’t sound stupid… that’s the nature of being an empty vessel… a beautiful, tall, sexy empty vessel… sometimes it takes a while for the contents to drain out, right?” She pulled Austin’s neck forward, and stood on her toes to kiss his check. “I love you Austin Jagler…” 

A kiss to his other cheek, and Austin’s face melted into a lusty haze, beaming down on her with a broad, affectionate grin. Her witty barbs and insults were an aphrodisiac. Hannah could have asked him to drive his brand new Lamborghini into the ocean and he would have. Just watching Hannah’s boobs bounce up and down (had they gotten bigger since April?) as she ran toward him without a bra on, her hair bobbing out of a messy bun, shoes falling off as she pummeled him on to his new car, tits first, smooshing him down under a mountain of soft, billowy breasts, and he was transfixed. Knocked down, figuratively and literally, He could have stayed there, on the Lamborghini’s hood, fully clothed, watching her hover above him, the outline of her nipples visible through her shirt, and he would have been content for hours. Although now that she had steadied herself, and was once again demeaning, insecure, doting and violent all at once as she slapped him, called him an empty vessel and told him she loved him, he was even more bewitched then ever. 

“Austin?” Hannah snapped her fingers in his face. “You must really be jet lagged… I said, you have to fill out some forms inside while I change, I’ll be real quick.”

An hour later, Austin’s left hand was pushing up the hem of Hannah’s knee length yellow and green flowered dress, finding its way to rest on her knee, slowing moving up higher, his left hand steering them out of the Golden Key’s gates and down the hill towards the coast. She leaned on his shoulder, and he kissed the top of her hair, lifting his arm to pull her in closer.

“You are such a bastard, showing up a day early … you’re lucky you’re so pretty… and that it’s your birthday…. and that I missed you …” she said, her voice becoming breathy, low, and Austin gasped at the way her hand moved to caress the top of his inner thigh. She chuckled as his cock twitched and he reached down to remove her hand.

“Mmmhmmm… you’re gonna make me crash, baby… I only just landed in San Francisco this morning, and this is a new car, and I’m not used to this windy road … so, where are we going?”

“You bought this car this morning on your way here?”

“No, Alex picked it up for me and drove it to meet me at the plane.”

“Fucking movie stars … don’t even buy your own cars… making your assistant drive nine hours from LA with a shiny new toy instead of just renting a car like a normal person… pathetic… “ Austin grinned, eyes remaining forward on the road, it made him feel powerful to hear Hannah recount his extravagance through mockery, the way her eyes widened told him she was secretly impressed.

“Ugh, Half Moon Bay is really a one horse town… there’s a fisherman’s wharf touristy area, some beaches, a square with a few shops… I just have to be back by 9, and, um, we’re not supposed to leave the town…”

“Right, but how would they know?”

“I would know… I um… I’m really trying to do this … I want to graduate sooner rather than later…”

“Graduate?”

“Yeah, remember? I wrote about it, in one of my very long, dumb rambly letters … it’s stupid, but the program length is variable here, three months to a year, based on how long it takes to complete their ‘three phases’ and ‘graduate’ from the program…”

“What phase are you on?”

“Two… I have a sponsor in NA and I’m plugging along … rah rah rah…”

“That’s good, though, I mean… right?”

Hannah squinted, looking ahead of her, and then looked down, fidgeting with her dress. “Yes.” Her voice was low, sincere. “Yes. I’m glad I’m here. I wasn’t at first….. but now I’ve been here for two months and… I … I have been able to admit that ….. the drugs were a problem for me… and… I don’t want to do them anymore … I want to be free… is that the lamest thing ever? Don’t worry, they haven’t totally brainwashed me … I’m still a devout atheist… I still like sex and rock ’n roll …but, I um… look…. we should talk tonight I guess, because if you need a girlfriend who you can get fucked up with and share that party lifestyle with I totally get it…but being clean, for me, means no booze… no recreational e and dancing at parties in the desert…”

Austin’s face grew pensive, and he drew Hannah in tighter, planting a long kiss again on the top of her head. “Shut up with that… First, we did that once because YOU wanted to… raves are not exactly my scene… and Second, You’re my girl, ok? I’m gonna take care of you. I want to….And, uh…I’m like, really proud of you, Hannah Banana, I really am… so let’s figure out more pressing issues… like,it’s 1:30, I gotta get you back by 9… that doesn’t give us much time, we should probably go straight to my hotel…”

Hannah guffawed, “Not even gonna buy me dinner first, huh?” 

Austin’s heart swelled and he felt himself harden more, Hannah’s teasing lilt made the hair on the back of his neck stand up, and he rubbed her knee. “Don’t worry, I’ll think of something to feed you,” he tried to play it straight, looking ahead, but unable to stop his deep chuckles as Hannah playfully slapped him. “I meant to talk…” he laughed,  “like we should just go to my hotel, so we have somewhere private to talk… we have a lot to talk about… we don’t even have to have sex today… or even go to the super deluxe suite I got with a big, comfy king bed … we can just hang out on the hotel grounds, the lobby is nice, there’s like a path along some cliffs and an outdoor fire place, there’s a golf course somewhere…”

Hannah hummed, her hand sliding around his waist, “Ok, yeah, you know how much I love golf …” 

“What the fuck, Austin…  the Ritz? I didn’t even know this was here, leave it to you to find the most overpriced poncy, rich asshole place to stay.” Hannah exclaimed, as Austin led her through the lobby of the Half Moon Bay Ritz Carlton. He shrugged, walking towards the outdoor bar where a fire was indeed roaring from a large, stone pit, and you could see the Pacific Ocean churning beyond green cliffs. Hannah shook her head, and pulled him to her, standing on her toes to whisper into his ear, “I need to use the bathroom, can we go to room?” Her teeth grazing the bottom of Austin’s earlobe, and she grinned as his eye brows lifted and he nodded his chin, tapping his hand over his thigh during the elevator ride up. 

Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror, Hannah’s confidence faded a bit, she pulled on the waddle that had expanded under her chin, and pushed it back to up, looking at herself with both hands pulling back the excess skin around her face. Stupid fucking cow, you were almost a size 8… now you can barely get into your size 12 clothes… But Hannah’s confidence surged back when she came out to find the eager, almost innocent look of awe in Austin’s eyes glued to her from the couch where he was untying his oxfords,  camel hair jacket already off. He jumped up and sauntered over, pushing his long hair to the side. She shivered at his hands closing in around her waist, savoring how the back of his index finger lightly feathered up and down her sides. His blue eyes were dark and half lidded with lust above a dopey smile. 

“Hey…” his voice was husky, slow, and Hannah’s pulse quickened, quivering at his touch, the fire building in her core swelled and her chin jolted down, embarrassed of how intense her desire felt. Her breath was uneven, nervous, and Austin’s right hand moved to her soothe her cheek, cupping it and turning it towards him.

“Hey… is this ok? You ok?” Hannah nodded, her fingers moving to play and tug at the belt loops on his hips, pushing into him. Now both of Austin’s hands were cupping her face, thumbs gliding over the tops of her cheeks, his lips soft on hers, then pausing to swallow anxiously. Her eyes widened, as she nuzzled the tip of his nose, and his head bent down, the warmth from his forehead meeting hers, eyes squeezed shut, shuddering as he mumbled, “Oh god baby, sweet baby, I missed you so much… so… so much….” 

A warm tingling pricked at the sides of Hannah’s eyes, she thought she might cry, but she kept it at bay, nodded, her hands tightening around him as his nose grazed her cheek and his lips were on her earlobe, then kissing the nape of her neck softly.  He drew her closer to him, taking her left hand in his right palm to sway  around the room, half speaking/half singing the lyrics to the song “Lady in Red” softly in her ear. Austin’s slow, gravelly, semi-British inflection pulled her in and she followed his lead, moving in harmony, their bodies softening and relaxing as they remembered how they fit together. 

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you do tonight…

I've never seen you shine so bright

You’re amazing

I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side

And when you turned to me and smiled

It took my breath away

And I have never had such a feeling

Such a feeling of complete and utter love

As I do tonight

The lady in red is dancing with me

Cheek to cheek

There's nobody here

It's just you and me

It's where I want to be

Well, I hardly know this beauty by my side

I'll never forget the way you look tonight

Austin’s voice cracked, and Hannah heard it and felt it, with her head was resting on his chest. It sent a wave of electricity up her belly. Austin paused by the window, smoothing her hair, his fingers trailing down her back.

“I love you, Red, forever and always..,”

“I love you too, Austin, always and forever.” He gripped her closer as he felt her voice reverberating through his chest. 

Austin pulled back to look into Hannah’s big brown eyes, wide and vulnerable, her pupils blown with longing, and he answered it with a kiss, stroked her back with his thumb. The kisses became deeper, his mouth enclosing her upper lip, softly, then pulling on it, before their tongues collided, each beckoning the other to consume them completely. Hannah fingers worked their way down the buttons of his black, flower patterned dress shirt, slowly, biting her lip as it finally fell to the floor and her hands moved, shakily, over his smooth, firm skin.  Austin grabbed her right hand, kissing the back of her palm. Her other hand brushed a lock of his long hair out of his eyes, tucking it behind his ear.

“I like the long hair, by the way… you look like a handsome, rock star surfer.” Hannah whispered, grasping a handful and pushing it behind his right ear. 

“Thanks…” Austin muttered distractedly as he pulled at her dress, exhaling with awe as he slowly raised it up over her head, shaking his head and popping his lips at the sight of Hannah’s heaving pale breasts. He bent down in reverence to kiss the line of freckles above them, grinning like a school boy at the sound of his fingers successfully pulling off the last hook of her bra clasp. Now his hands were moving slowly down her back, playing with the elastic of her panties as his lips forged a trail from her décolletage to her mouth. Feeling her tense, he looked down to see Hannah sucking in her stomach, using her arms to cover the slope of her belly and hips, and he stepped back, as if reading her mind, he pulled her hands away so her could admire her whole figure.

“You’re gorgeous, Red… really… I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.”

Hannah rolled her eyes, “Stop…”

“No, really…” Austin lowered himself on his quads to grab Hannah by her ass cheeks, lifting her up and carrying her under her knees and back over to the bed, then laying her down gently. Hovering over her, Austin’s eyes smoldered. “I need to tell you something baby…. you look better, you look healthy, you look like you did when we met… this is how your body is supposed to look…” his hand stroked the roundness of her hips, grabbing and rolling her soft, supple flesh, as he leaned in to kiss Hannah’s shoulder, smirking as she whimpered in response to the soft touch of his fingers tracing a line up her belly to her breasts to flick her nipple. A bolt of lightening ran down Hannah’s spine and sparked at her core, a fire building as Austin mumbled on, the arousal in his voice shuddering through. “These curves just kill me… I’ve seen you naked hundreds of times now, and every time it’s still …. a fucking revelation, I just want to sink in, explore every contour, feel every bounce, taste every inch of you…” as he said this, Austin pushed himself lower, until he was on his knees at the base of the bed, looking into Hannah’s eyes as he slowly slide her panties off, eyebrow arched in a question, then hastening to rip them off once Hannah nodded her chin in assent. Austin dragged her legs towards him until they were over his shoulder and Hannah’s rosy pink pussy met his face with a wet slap at the edge of the bed. He held her still when she twitched, responding to the intense flick of his tongue over the center her clit. Austin spoke into Hannah’s sex, his hands soothing the top of her thighs.

“Shhhh… s’ok… don’t worry, I’m not gonna hurt you baby…”

“Mhmmmm I know, I’m ok,” Hannah’s eyes met Austin’s, looking up at her between her legs. “ I just… I don’t think I’ve ever done this sober, not really, not like this where I’ve been clean for months…”

Austin leaned forward to lav at Hannah’s core, maintaining eye contact, and then pausing to rub her clit with his thumb, savoring the pitter patter of his finger against her slick flesh. 

“I’m into it, I want to see you, the real you, I can’t wait to watch you come undone, unfiltered, knowing that I am making you feel pleasure, and not some chemicals…” 

Throwing her head back, Hannah cried out when Austin returned his tongue to her nub, her fingers seizing the duvet cover to steady her through the intense waves of pleasure washing over her as the tip of his tongue rolled on her, up and down in a syncopated trance, then shifting to circle around her core, bringing his thumb to messaged her entrance and gently open it up, his tongue back home on her clit, fingers gliding inside her, calling out to her center as his rhythm intensified, responding to the thrust of Hannah’s hips now fucking into his mouth was she chased the sensation building in her belly until she screamed out a refrain of “oh gods,” her face contorting in agony through her release, hips bucking slowly as the waves crashed outward and the heat of her orgasm rippled out across her body. The sparks flew up through her nose and tingled down to the skin at the base of her feet.

“Oh god Austin… I FUCKING love you…” she cried out, her head flinging back as she panted. Austin grinned up at her, his thumb riding her through her climax over her clit, before she pulled him off by his wrist, unable to take the over stimulation. Hannah perched up on her elbows and caught her breathe, her fingers aimlessly twirliing Austin’s long hair. He smirked a self-satisfied smirk, wiping his mouth on the duvet, then lifting himself up effortlessly from his shins.

Hannah admired his bare abs, rising in a V shape to broad, muscular hard shoulders, he spoke while looking down to unbuckle his pants. “I honestly don’t know how long I’ll last today baby…. It’s been a while… unless you count jerking off to the sound of your voice…” Still panting, Hannah’s mouth turned into a bright gleam, and she sat up, making him trip over the edge of the bed as she pulled him down toward her, kicking off the last leg of his trousers and jostling to land over her with a burst of laughter. Pushing the blonde hair out of his face, Hannah looked up into his eyes with an affectionate grin, the reverence she found there made her gasp.

“I still can’t get over the fact that you’re really here with me, that it’s really you,” she whispered, pinching his arm. “I’m afraid any moment I’m going to wake up in my bed at GK and this will all be some sort of wet dream.”

Austin leaned in, meeting his lips with hers, his tip grazing her entrance as he met her eyes. 

“If this is a dream, I don’t wanna wake up, I just wanna be here with you.” He started to push into her, slowly, grunting low as a he watched Hannah’s eyes widen and her breath hitch in her throat with a gasp, exhaling through the snug fit of her cunt and the way she involuntary clenched around him.

“Hey, you ok?” His eyes darted up to search hers.

“Mhmmmmm…uh huh…” she answered, moaning out, “I just… may be out of practice…”

“S’ok…” Austin slowly thrust out, and then, rocking back into her, he grabbed her hips and swiveled onto his back so that Hannah was now on top. “Take the wheel, baby, let’s go at your pace.” 

Pausing to reposition her knees on either side of his hips, Hannah pushed her hands onto his chest to steady herself, her breath sharp as she lifted off of him and then slid back down, a glint in her eyes. 

“I like ... uhhhh… how I tell you… I’m …ummff….. out of practice and… ahhhhh…. out of shape and that I don’t know what I’m doing…. And …o f fuck…..you put me in charge…” She grunted, her voice was playful as she began to bob up and down on Austin’s cock, biting her lips as she found the angle that made a spark jolting up through her core with each forward movement.

“Oh god, fuck I missed you so much….” Austin groaned, his hands digging into her hips as she rode him deeper and he rose to meet each thrust, his hands tightening to slow her down. “Whoo, wait, hold on…” Hannah paused, as Austin pushed himself up, his legs folding under her as he pulled her knees up on either side of him.  Hannah felt his cock push deeper, as she met his body, straddling him at eye level as he wrapped his arms around her waist, and she lowered her legs on either side of his, her arms now hooked around his shoulders. Their bodies were twisted together upright in an embrace as Hannah began to grind against Austin slowly in lotus position, feeling his length glide up and down within her, the muscles in his arms tensing as they moved with her hips to support each push up and down. Face-to-face in the middle of the bed, their mouths hovered across from each other as they gazed into each other’s eyes. Austin’s breath synced with Hannah’s and she grasped the back of his neck, twirling his hair into a rope away from his face as she kissed him deeply, passionately, heaving back and forth as her pussy opened up further for him with each thrust. 

“I missed you too…” Hannah murmured between low gasps, her hips dipping up and down deliberately, a loud moan escaping her mouth.

Austin’s fingers drew her in closer. “Let’s just live here in this bed and… never… uhhhh … leave… ok?”  Amused, Hannah nodded, as Austin pulled her in for another kiss, his lips wet, tongue furtive, bodies pressed tightly together, Austin savored the swell of Hannah’s breasts against his heart as they fucked into each other in a slow, soulful rhythm. Austin’s hands began to move Hannah’s hips more energetically.

“I love you… Hannah Banana”

“I love you too pretty boy…” her fingers slide down to his chest and began to tweak his nipples, and Hannah bit her lip as his blue eyes met hers with an intense heat, plunging down onto him, hips rippling as he worked them with her and she felt a tension building in her core. “Fuck Austin, I think I’m gonna cum again…”

He bit his lip, nodding his forehead against hers. “Hey, that’s my girl… just relax… don’t fight it…. Uhhhh god….you feel so soft when you cum…  ride me through it… FUCK I fucking love you….”

Letting loose Hannah cried out, trembling as she continued to rock back and forth over Austin until he jerked harder up into her, his abdomen tightening, her name on his lips as he convulsed and exploded deep inside her. 

“Oh god...” Austin muttered, his brow bending into hers as he stilled her hips and Hannah pushed down, squeezing her arms around him until they fell sideways. She landed on his chest as they exhaled, a heaving pile of spent limbs. 

The sun set over the ocean, and Hannah and Austin spent the rest of the afternoon in bed, crawling to the phone to order room service, sitting on the bed lazily drinking Pellegrino and feeding each other French fries, finding new ways for their bodies to fit together when splayed across each other. Austin murmured in her ear how he wanted Hannah to move in with him when she graduated, and she nodded, all the pride and snark and insecure stubbornness fucked out of her. 

“Ok. If you mean it.”

“Let me take care of you Hannah.”

“We can take care of each other, ok? I’m not some helpless patient… I’m just… trying to get better… but… I am so, so SO grateful, lucky? For your support… it makes it so much easier to be here now that I an escape with you….” She answered, and he kissed her forehead.

“You’re right… we take care of each other… and I’ll be back next weekend, cuz I need you…. Being here with you, it’s like you fill up this empty, Hannah shaped hole in my life….”

She giggled, and slapped his shoulder. “I feel like you fill up an empty Austin-shaped hole deep inside me…”

Austin rolled his eyes. “I meant figuratively… like a part of my soul is incomplete without you.”

Hannah turned to look at him, as he spooned her from behind, their eyes met and Hannah waggled her eyebrows, leaning up to kiss Austin’s lips and then moving around so that they were once again tangled in an embrace, kissing deeply as their bodies softly heaved into one another, and before he knew it, Austin was above Hannah again, hard, looking for her nod as he spread her legs and guided himself into her once more.

“Oh gawd, baby, when I’m inside you I just feel like I’m home….” 

Hannah’s big brown eyes, widened, a deep laugh burst out of her throat, followed by the sharp gasp she exhaled as Austin’s cock lunged into her. 

“Austin, that is so corny, that’s like the Hallmark card for vaginas… CUM home Austin…”

“Shhh, Hannah…ughhhh” he smiled down at her, hovering above as he continued to thrust into her. “Don’t ruin the romantic mood——”

“Ok..baby… you’re right…. It’s so… ughhhh.. romantic when you tell me how my pussy is like …ahhh” their conversation was punctuated by groans of pleasure. “House….”

“Like home, like it is so comforting to be inside a familiar pussy, a homey pussy…ughhhh”

She laughed and shook her head, and then gripped his sides as Austin began to pump into her harder, and Hannah could no longer form full sentences, her whole body buzzed from the electricity generated by each pound against her g spot. Within a few more minutes, she was coming unraveled, and Austen soon followed.

Dozing off in a post coital nap, it was 8:15 when Hannah eventually rose and began to dress, looking over her shoulder with a heavy heart. Austin followed, hand through his hair, retrieving his own clothes and dropping her back at her rehab with the promise that he would be at family visitation the next day. Before she got out of the car, Hannah handed him a small jewelry box with a bow wrapped around it.

“Happy birthday, pretty boy…”

He opened the box, finding a cassette tape labeled with Hannah’s handwriting, Songs that Make Me Think of You. 

“ I was planning to give it to you tomorrow… there are no cool shops in Half Moon Bay… and you have so much money and stupid things anyway…. so I thought I’d make you something… there some Cure, REM, Pixies, Elvis Costello…. some love songs… ugh, it’s stupid… I mean, you just bought yourself a Lamborghini…”

Austin grinned, shaking his head, as he cupped her face and drew her to him. “Shut up. This is perfect because you made it for me… I can’t wait to listen to it…”

Mid August though Mid September, 1991

The next few weekends would follow much the same, as Austin drove up from LA to visit and September came to call, bringing with it a cooler bite to the coastal California sea air. The mood at rehab changed perceptibly, and Hannah waltzed through her days on a pink cloud, scribbling daily journal entries, speaking openly and positively in groups, meetings, sessions with her counselor and her NA sponsor. As she started to make plans to move home, phrase three was in her sights, all she had to do was connect with a temporary NA sponsor in LA and set up a meeting, and she could start planning to graduate the first week of October. 

It was a balmy, early Tuesday morning when Hannah bounded down the staircase from her dorms to the foyer, whistling REM’s “Shiny Happy People,” when a note stuck in her throat at the sight of Min waiting for her on a bench. Austin had been up to visit the previous weekend, and had said nothing about his publicist visiting her before he departed Sunday. She started to open her mouth, and Min motioned for her to follow as she led Hannah back to what was usually her counselor’s office.

“James, is it? Said I could use his office.” Hannah nodded, and watched with horror as Min unfurled several tabloids in front of Hannah with the previous days’ date on them. There, on the front, were photos of her and Austin: kissing, walking, holding hands, at the hotel and then saying goodbye at the front of the Golden Key’s main building. The headline read “Butler’s Romance with Downey’s Junkie Jailbird.”

“Fuckkkk… what the fuck Min?”

“Someone tipped off the paparazzi. Either someone who saw you at the hotel, or walking around this charming institution. Doesn’t matter who, at this point, it’s out there. And they have the whole story, your name, the details of the arrest, everything.”

Hannah gulped, flipping through the pages and gasping in horror as she found the double-page spread with photos someone had taken driving by the arrest with her and Downey, next to her mug shot and a photo of her and Austin walking down the red carpet at US premiere of his last film, David Lynch’s Crazy at Heart. Min straightened her glasses, her deep Black skin somehow radiant even first thing in the morning, when Hannah imagined she must have woken up very early in order to drive or fly up from LA.

“Austin doesn’t know I’m here. And I think we both know that boy is like a Labrador retriever. He will not do the smart thing, he will be loyal, he will not break up with you. But he must. You are a liability to his career. I cannot stress that enough. I’m sorry, I have to say it as it is. Bob is not getting any offers, and he was nominated for an Oscar, because he can not get insurance coverage until he finishes treatment and stays out of trouble for at least a year, I not more. His career may very well be over…  I begged Austin, BEGGED him, not to have you walk down the carpet last year, to keep his private life private, but did he listen? No. And I, foolishly, didn’t put my foot down, because it didn’t really matter, did it? Who cares if an actor dates a random normal person, it’s not as fun to read about as two celebrities dating, so the gossip mongers have pretty much left you two alone. No one ever saw this photo from then red carpet before, it was all they cared about were pictures of him with Laura Dern or Lynch. Even with the arrest, all eyes were on Downey. You were literally cut out of the photos so the papers could get a better close up framing Downer with the cops. And with your plea deal, we managed to keep you under the radar. But now, the only way to make this go away is to stop providing them fodder and distract them with something new.”

Hannah met Min’s eyes, confused, as she sat down, and Min followed suit, perching on the edge of the chair across from Hannah.

“Just tell me what to do. Like a statement that we aren’t involved.”

“What? Actually comment on this? God no. No. It just needs to stop. You need to break it off, and then I will  set him up with some very public dates. Maybe with some of his costars from Jagger, like Halle Berry, Rosie Perez, Christie Brinkley, they played his main love interests….” Hannah nodded, and then Min reached over and put her hand over Hannah’s and squeezed it. “You know, Hannah, if you want to be truly happy, though, you should just pull off the band aid and really break up with him today. While you’re in here, safe from temptation, and cared for, where you can heal. Actors should date other famous people, who know what this lifestyle is. This thing, its never going to work long term. Look at you, dear, are you better or worse off after doing this tango with Austin on and off for four years? Dating someone famous, its extremely difficult….  its like a swan dating a rat, he should be with another swan…”

Hannah pulled her hand back, brow furrowed.

“So I’m a rat now?”

Min breathed deeply.

“I was trying to emphasize difference. He’s above-the-line talent, you’re below-the-line crew. He grew up with money, you didn’t and you are always going to worry whether you are enough, no matter what he says, or how much you trust him. You and Austin different species, that’s all I’m saying. If you are honest with yourself, you already know in your heart I’m right.” Min patted her own heart. “Look, you can do whatever you want. But dear, no one was interested in a story about a young woman going to rehab after getting arrested, not until they saw Austin up here, then someone told the paps and they started poking around. You need to look out for yourself. What is going to happen to you? And your career? If you stay together, I guarantee this is not the last time you’ll be in the tabloids. It’s the first. Of many. Either way, you need to convince him to stop coming up here to visit. To have public dates with a few famous women. The paps will loose interest and it will all blow over….. Unless you keep adding fuel to the fire. If this stops, you may still be able to salvage your reputation, there will be people who didn’t read this tabloid. But if the coverage continues, week after week as he visits, or when you come back, or if you relapse… at some point, things that normal people get to keep private will come out, and it’s possible Variety or the LA Times will do a story on you guys.”

Hannah nodded, starting at her fingers in concentration. She knew what she had to do.

October 15, 1991

The drive back down to Los Angeles was long, and Avi was silent, giving his daughter the room she needed to be with her thoughts as she mentally prepared for her new life, her clean life, life after rehab. Hannah sighed. Ugh, its worse than being 18…. I’m a single, unemployed 28 year old loser. She pulled in one of Austin’s hoodies she had kept after a visit, wallowing in the melancholy that washed over her. 

Austin had become irate when she broke up with him over the phone in her counselor’s office the day Min visited her three weeks ago…

“Are you fucking serious? Because of some tabloid bull shit? You know I don’t care. Fame doesn’t fucking interest me, I just want to be with you, work with great people and make art. ”

“But, Austin, being famous gives you the profile do that  —“

“Sure, but so you take the good with the bad. You know that, you grew up in this business.”

“And look at how fucked up I am. Plus, its not like the paparazzi chase after editors, Austin, that is definitely a bonus from dating you …”

“You think I like them? Those people are parasites… they are the SCUM of the earth, I cannot believe you are letting them control your life—”

“Austin, I am not LETTING them do anything, I am just trying to live life on life’s terms, one day at a day—“

“Don’t you dare start throwing those AA cliches at ME, Hannah. At least be real. We love each other. Nothing else matters. You’re just hurt and scared and you’re reacting like a baby…”

“NA cliches, please, if you are gonna insult me at least be accurate… look it doesn’t matter….  You re not being fair… I AM trying to be real. You know what’s real? I don’t have a job lined up. In this business, you are only as good as your next job, and this type of stuff might make it impossible—”

“So what? You don’t need a job, Just come live with me. I’ll take care of you …”

“Do you know how demoralizing it is for you to talk to me like that? As if I haven’t been working like a dog for the last seven years to get where I am? Let alone how bad just sitting around your house waiting for you to come home and fuck me would be for my recovery? The tabloids, the paparazzi, they aren’t the problem. They’re a symptom of the real problem, which is how incompatible we are. You’re a swan, and I am a rat, we are defying the laws of nature—”

Austin growled. “Are you high right now? They should give you a drug test. You sound ridiculous. I literally don’t even know what that means with the swan and the rat. Ugh! You are being so stupid. You always do this, you get stuck on how I’m a ‘movie star,’ and then you blow it out of proportion because you are insecure and stubborn. Most woman would be overjoyed to have someone offer to support them while they figure out their shit. And work through this together.” 

“Austin, you don’t get it, and I can’t do this, we’re talking in circles… look, my sponsor told me not to date anyone for my first year sober, and I completely ignored her. But clearly I was wrong, because this whole thing is a trigger for me, you are a trigger. We have too much baggage, from before, from now. I love you, I love you so much…” tears started to well up in Hannah’s eyes, and her voice wavered. “But love isn’t enough and I have to put myself first.”

The sound of her sobs made Austin even angrier. “No. The answer is NO. I’m not letting you do this. We are not breaking up, you are being hysterical.” Her sobs got louder, and Austin sighed, running his hand through his hair and tried to calm down. He could almost see Hannah’s pale face becoming blotchy and red and wet as she cried. It was beautiful and ugly and he couldn’t bear it. “Oh Banana, look, you’re upset. We can’t have this conversation over the phone. I’m gonna get in my car and drive up right now.”

“NO! No, Austin, no, don’t come up here - they took those photos of you coming here, it might even be another resident here. Please, please, don’t come up.” She sniffed, wiping her eyes, breathing deeply to steady her voice. “Look, this isn’t up to you. You don’t get to let me do anything. It’s over. Do not come up here, do not call, do not try to see me. I’m taking you off the guest list. Can’t you understand? I need to do this for…. my recovery. I just need to be single and focus on staying clean.”

 “I canNOT fucking believe you are doing this, after everything. I have done nothing but support you getting sober. You can’t take me off the guest list, I PAID for that fucking rehab, did you know that? And now what do I get in return? Gratitude? NO. You’re fucking punishing me for staying with you. For getting ‘caught’ on camera being the good guy. Ugh!!!!” Austin had slammed down the phone and then paced the living room, punching the wall.  

Hannah collapsed on the desk sobbing, and when she calmed down and tried to look up, she would see the corny twelve step slogans framed on the wall and start crying again. Because part of her knew he was right, that it was unfair to use recovery as an excuse. But she was also convinced this was the best thing for both of them. Definitely for him. The fact that he had ended up paying for her rehab only solidified how wrong she was for him, how he deserved better. She’d had no idea, her lawyer Sheila had told her that her health insurance had covered it, but she had left all the details to Sheila. Who Austin had probably subsidized as well, once she started to think about it, realizing how little the legal invoice had been. She hadn’t even questioned that at the time. You’re a fucking idiot. And so is he, I wish he had kept his fucking money to himself and let me go to whatever shit hole the Motion Picture Health & Welfare insurance would have covered. 

Sitting n her father’s Honda, Hannah pulled the collar of Austin’s hoody tight, letting the faint smell of his cologne comfort her. The break up conversation felt so fresh it could have been yesterday instead of three weeks ago, probably because she replayed it over and over again in her head. The intervening days had gone by in a blur, going through the motions of putting on a brave face, finishing her phrase three preparations, doing whatever she had to do and saying whatever she had to say so she could leave. She’d have to be careful, she knew now that because Austin had paid for her stay, he probably knew he was out, and his house was only 15 minutes down the coast from her father’s mobile home community. That is the first thing, figure out a new place to live.

Avi gave her a soft, sweet look as he unloaded her luggage. “You look like you could use a cup of tea, Noodle. And perhaps a meeting.” Hannah smiled weakly, her heart breaking as she considered how much it probably hurt her father to see her like this, how worried he probably had been after the arrest. 

“Yeah pop.” She jumped out of the car, and took the other suitcases out of the trunk, following Avi into the trailer.

October 31, 1991

Playboy Mansion Halloween Party

The sound of the waterfall broke up the cocktail chatter as Austin felt the ice cube in his glass hit his teeth, the smooth whiskey warming his throat as he gulped it down. He pulled on his white silk tie, straightening it over his pink dress shirt. He ran his fingers through his long blonde hair, and looked over at Emilio chatting with a Latinx bunny in a cute Kelly green corset with matching bunny ears. He rolled his eyes as Emilio asked her flirty questions, using is had to wave  her over to him and pointing in his empty glass.

“Alma, is it? Keep ‘em coming, okay sweetheart?”

Emilio shook his head in mock disgust. They’d met on the set of Austin’s first movie in 1988,  he’d played a the main villain, a frat boy that Estevez’s character was investigating for murder. The Playboy Mansion wasn’t really Austin’s scene, but Emilio and Rick, a producer they both knew, had invited him and he pushed himself to get out of his house and come mingle. It was hard to distinguish the bunnies from the starlets and aspiring actresses dressed up for the Playboy Halloween Party in some sort of costume that involved a corset with heels. There was corset Wonder Woman, corset black cat, corset witches, was that a corset cow girl?

An hour or so later, he was mindlessly nodding in conversation with his friend Rick, Rosie Perez, who had  played the role of Jagger’s first wife, and a few bunnies whose names he didn’t really catch when he felt a strong hand slap his back, and turned to see Keanu Reeves behind him. 

“Butler,” he said, softly, and Austin turned to shake his hand as Keanu’s arm lingered around his shoulder. His smile was open, vulnerable, but there was a mystery in his stoic eyes. “So, still knee deep in the editing bay?” Keanu grinned, then stepped aside to grab a glass of champagne from a waiter walking by.

“What?” Austin sipped his own drink, watching as Keanu lit a cigarette.

“You’re girl, I met her on Point Break, she here with you?”

“Oh right,” Austin emptied his glass and slammed it down, looking around for a waiter or bunny, suddenly very very thirsty. He had only met Keanu in passing at aa few events, and had been so preoccupied with his own film project he hadn’t really paid much thought to Hannah’s work over the last year.  “Yeah, we actually just split last month…” 

Keanu blew cigarette smoke up into the air, shaking his head. “There was something about her, man, those tits, am I right?” 

Austin frowned, then pushed Keanu lightly in the chest. “Hey man.”

Keanu’s eyes narrowed, and a dry smirk formed across his lips. “Yeah, no I get it. Must have been some good snatch if you’re still hung up on her. Tell me, did the curtains match the drapes?” Waggling his eyebrows, his voice was dry, sincere and earnest, Keanu’s grin widened as Austin pulled back his fist and jabbed him in the face, his dark hair flopping as he staggered back, laughing, as he lunged forward and landed an uppercut in Austin’s chest. Seconds later Austin was pulling him down on the ground, and they rolled on top of each other needing, kicking each other until Austin landed over him, and was about to pummel him again when the strong arms of security guards pulled him off and escorted them both out of the party. 

Standing at the front of the mansion’s gothic Tudor front building, Austin rubbed his chest as he waited for the valet to bring his car around, he looked to his side as Keanu stood there, wiping the blood from his cracked lip.  Keanu laughed, and went toward a black Porsche that was being brought around.

“Hey Austin, I’m sorry man, I was just fucking with you. I’m in a weird head space tonight, c’mon, let me make it up to you. I know just what you need.”

“What about my car?”

“Leave it, it’ll be here in the morning. “

Still buzzed, even though the fight had sobered him up, Austin shrugged and thought to himself, why the fuck not, as he leaned to sit passenger seat next to Keanu and they roared off down the hills toward Sunset.

Keanu lit another cigarette, and tapped a speed dial on his car phone.

“Hey, Polly? Hey it’s Josey Wells,” he winked at Austin, and whispered, “code name,” grinning at Austin’s confusion. “Yeah, hey, yeah, I’m wondering if its too late to put in an order for the night? Yeah. Something red, and thick. Mhmmm. Yeah, that’s the one. Send it to my house.”

Austin sat back, and rolled down the window, watching as they winded down Sunset toward the ocean.

Walking towards Keanu’s front door, Austin took in the collection of motorcycles in his garage. They were in a canyon in Malibu, up above the Pacific Coast with a view of the ocean.

“You know I live just down the road, I shoulda followed you…. So, you gonna keep me in suspense or what?”

Turning on lights, Keanu walked to his bar and poured them both drinks. 

“You know, I’ve been in love. I know what it is to have your heart broken. Bad. Like where it hurts just to think about her. I can see it in your eyes, amigo.”

Austin drained his glass, tilting his head back he closed his eyes as he breathed deeply, and unbuttoned the top of his shirt, loosening his tie. He took his white sport’s jacket off and draped it over a chair. Turning to Keanu, he pursed his lips, jaw tensing. “OK, so?”

“Well, the best way to get over someone is to —”

“Start seeing someone else. Yeah, I’ve heard from all my friends. Problem is, I don’t want to date anyone else.”

Keanu walked to his fridge, and grabbed a bag of frozen peas, which he placed over his face as after he lay down on his couch. Austin followed, listening to Keanu’s dry voice emanate through the peas.

“Exactly. Which is why the best way, the actual best way to get over someone, is to find a hooker who looks just like ‘em, work out all your issues through sex. It’s very cathartic, trust me.”

Austin’s sullen face transformed to a bright beaming grin, his cheeks squeezing up as he exploded in laughter.

“You cannot be serious.” Austin’s bottom lip hung down in disbelief.

Keanu looked up from the bag of peas at Austin, who was now sitting in a leather chair across from him

“Hmmm… just wait, she’ll be here any minute. Trust me, Polly Fleissman is the best madam in this town. First one’s on me.”

Austin stroked his chin with his right thumb and forefinger. “How much is it?”

Keanu grinned like a giddy school boy, “S’ $1500 a night… and worth every penny.”

It was midnight when Keanu ushered in a white, red headed woman with curly hair, about the same height as Hannah, plump and voluptuous. It distinctly was not Hannah, but he would have done a double take passing her on the street. The tell was how clean cut she looked in a simple, expensive beige drape halter dress, and her sexy, confident voice, greeting them, introducing herself as “Jacqueline, but you can call me whatever you like.” Welcomed her in, offered her a drink, and the pulled out a small bag of white pills from his pocket, and held it up, jiggling the pills.

“I got some mitsubishis, what do you guys say, wanna party?”

Jacqui smiled, and stuck out her tongue. 30 minutes later, they were rolling, Austin’s skin was tingling, sweat lined his brow, and he kept swallowing. Keanu had put some low house music on, and Jacqui came to perch on Austin’s lap, her hands caressing his face, wiping the sweat from his brow, as his hands moved down her body and under her skirt, just the touch of her skin made the blood rush to his cock, he pulled on her red curls with his other hand, telling her how she was the most beautiful girl in the world, how he loved her, as she giggled, and kissed his neck, her hand moving to his pants and finding the outline of his erection. Stroking it, she whispered, “Does that feel good baby?” Austin nodded, looking into her eyes, then looking up as Keanu joined them, his own hands settling over Jacqui’s neck. He winked at Austin.

“I think we’d be more comfortable in the bed room, eh?”

Jacqui stood up, taking Austin by the hand, they followed Keanu together into a dimly lit master bedroom, the walls were a light grey, and the bed was a dark metal, very modern, with black sheets, pillows, blankets. Shirt off, Keanu stalked to Austin, and put his bar arm around Austin’s shoulder, messaging his neck was they watched Jacqui undress. Keanu’s hands stroked the back of Austin’s neck, and he leaned into, groaning, he felt like Keanu fingers were drawing out all the negative energy in his body, in his brain, replacing it with golden light that was making his skin glow. Looking over at Keanu, it looked like his pale, white body was gleaming with an otherworldly iridescence.

“Keanu, fuck, I love you man, I think you’re my best friend.”

Keanu’s hands moved from Austin’s neck and snaked around his chest as his chin pushed into the top of Austin’s shoulder, a low chuckle on Austin’s ear as he pulled into him. 

“I think the e has kicked in… so, AB, ever been to a Hawaiian pig roast?” 

Austin turned to Keanu’s cheek, shaking his head.

“No? Well I’m gonna show you how to skewer a live one from both sides.” Keanu winked, and kissed Austin roughly on the cheek, thens stepping back towards the bed. Jacqui giggled as Keanu beckoned her to him, his long nose dipped down to nuzzle her bare heaving breasts. She wasn’t wearing a bra, just beige lacy panties, and her alabaster skin shone in the dim light. Completely uninhibited, Austin couldn’t get his clothes off soon enough. He watched with an open mouth was Keanu dipped down, slowly removing Jacqui’s underwear, then looking over at him as he unbuckled his belt, pulled down his pants to reveal his thick, stiff manhood, then jumping on the bed, scooting back towards the headboard and beckoning Jacqui to follow with his finger. She turned to look at Austin, smiling, her breasts bouncing as she climbed on the bed with Keanu. 

“Coming?” She giggled.

Austin’s long, blonde hair swayed as he nodded, watching as Jacqui’s ass lifted up in the air while she leaned down to suck Keanu’s cock. In that moment, Austin eagerly followed, watching as Keanu’s raven hair hit the bed frame when the actor leaned back, eyes squeezed shut, uncontrollably biting his lower lip as Jacqui’s head bobbed up and down on his length. Austin rested his hands over the roundness of Jacqui’s bottom, kissing her right cheek as his left hand took hold of the other.

“You sure this is ok with you?” His voice wavered, his blue eyes met Keanu’s as he grinned, pulling on the mess of curls above Jacqui’s head for her to pause.

“It ok with you if my friend there roasts you from the other end?”

Jacqui grinned, and turned her head over her shoulder. 

“Such a gentleman… hmmmhmmm… I think I can take it, big boy. Let me make you feel good.” Austin laughed, it was cliche, but high, every word was a sweet sensation and he went for it. Her skin was electric, and he bent his lips down below her cheeks to find her entrance, kissing at her lips, which he noted were waxed, bare, silky smooth, unlike Hannah’s wild mane, and his tongue sought out her clit easily between the soft, manicured folds, moving up and down as her body rocked with the rhythm of her mouth gliding up and down Keanu’s dick. The breathy sound of a feminine groan joined Keanu’s murmurs of “fuck” and “take it” and “oh my god this feels amazing….”  Austin moved one finger, and then another inside of Jacqui, messaging her open and searching for her pleasure point as his tongue flicked over her nub, smiling into her and pulling her ass up as he felt her twitch under him. It was not long before Jacqui cried out, and Austin was pulling his lips off her, and straddling her from behind, thrusting in and out of her pussy, slowly at first, the sensation heightened by the ecstasy, the excitement of the threesome, and the way her body and the bouncing mess of red hair conjured up his intense longing to be with Hannah again. 

Keanu looked at him over Jacqui’s writhing body between them, Austin’s lips puckered in an growl as he rolled in and out of her.

“Who ever whips his cream first has to pay for the pizza,” Keanu grinned, his eyes narrowing, and Austin chuckled, happy for the distraction because he was just on the edge, and Keanu’s conversation jarred his attention. He slowed down his pacing, and looked at Keanu, shaking his head.

“Man, you are crazy.” That night Keanu paid for the hooker, Austin paid for the pizza. But Polly Fleissman, the Hollywood Madam, would soon begin to get a steady stream of revenue for her services from Austin.

The next time Austin fucked Jacqui they were alone in a suite at the Chateau Marmont during what would become regular Thursday night consensual role playing sessions. Calling her Red, he would take out his frustrations with Hannah as he pummeled into the prostitute from behind, talking in a low, gravelly voice as he thrust into her, slapping her ass, pulling her shoulders, holding her head down into the pillow.

“Do you feel that? You fucking bitch. That’s how much I fucking love you… how could you do this to me. To us.” Austin groaned. The release as he came inside Jacqui was immediate. Addictive. And never fulfilling as it was with Hannah. Austin missed her brown eyes, innocently looking up at him, her voice teasing but her body and movements untrained, completely charming in how awkward or stilted she was. He missed that moment, with Hannah, when he could see her expression change, from being guarded to the moment she gave up her pretenses and opened up for him, her eyes filled with pure adoration. Austin couldn’t bare to look Jacqui in her eyes, at least not while her fucked her, especially with the degrading way he usually spoke to her.  Jacqui was not shy, and she never blushed when she undressed, making sounds of approval whether Austin railed her aggressively until the sound of him slapping into her cracked through the suite, or whether he licked her soft and tenderly.

He paid double to have her visit him on Thanksgiving, having her suck his dick, and then, for a change, Austin motioned for her to get on top. Was their rocking motion increased, he put his hands around her neck, lightly choking her, calling her a selfish bitch, and then ordering Jacqui to punch him and tell him what a bastard he was. 

“Tell me.” His right squeezed tighter around her neck, and his left hand pulling on her red curls and then tracing down her back to slap her ass, his biceps flexing as he grasped her up and down faster towards his chisled abdomen. “Tell me, tell me I am a spoiled, mediocre yuppie, a hack, a fraud, an empty vessel with no. creative. talent. TELL ME. Tell me you hate me!”

Jacqui’s face darkened, and then she repeated the list back to him in a condescending lilt, her performance somewhat contrived, a watered down rendition of a melodramatic scene from Dallas or Dynasty. Then she punched him, soundly smashing her right fist into his left eye socket and Austin came shortly after, groaning out like a man possessed being exorcized from his demons. As soon as he was sated, he was pushing her off him, looking ahead as he stalked off to the bathroom and dismissing Jacqui with a “You can go now,” without looking back. Sitting on the toilet, head in his hands, he wept and swore he was done with this. No more. But then the next Thursday, he would find himself back in his regular suite, fucking Jacqui into the wall from behind while he whispered all of Hannah’s character defects in her ear. 

Austin spent November and December distracting himself from his the gnawing need to find Hannah, throw her over his shoulder and head for a secluded cabin somewhere remote where he could have the space and quiet and solitude to make her understand that they could be happy and good and healthy together. They needed to be together He knew it would be different if he could just talk with her in person, but he felt guilty for the way he had acted when they broke up. The way he belittled her recovery. Her career. The way he threw his payment for her rehab in her face. The only person he trusted to talk about this stuff with was his sister, Ashley, and she convinced him to leave Hannah alone for a few months, give her some space to get back on her feet, and possibly forget the way he had  hurt her over the phone to retaliate for the way her decision had pierced him, seemingly coming out of nowhere, and to Austin, making no sense.

So, inside of kidnapping his ex girlfriend, Austin fucked a high-end prostitute that looked like Hannah and focused on work. He met with his agent Brett to look over scripts for his next project, finished up final voice over for Jagger and mapped out his promotion schedule for the film with his assistant, Alex.  Humoring Min, Austin went out to several parties and events with dates she arranged for him, taking Halle Berry to the premiere of Cape Fear, Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford’s wedding, and planning to take her to the premiere of their film the week before it was released nationwide on Christmas.

Alex was also under a strict Hannah assignment to update Austin on her whereabouts, to the extent that he was able to. Sometimes, late at night, relaxed driving home from a meeting at the Chateau, Austin would drive by the trailer park at Point Dume, circle around the nearby grocery stores and coffee shops on the off chance that he might catch a glimpse of Hannah from afar, but he never did. So, he bided his time, checking in with Alex daily for any news.

December 26, 1991

Westwood Beach, Malibu, CA

Tide was out, and the slow rhythm of the small waves lapped up Hannah’s shins, leaving her legs cool and wet and sinking into the sand below them. She sat at the shore, hands under her thighs, looking out at the infinite expanse of the sea. The waves grew in size, and she sat there, waiting for one large enough to knock her down so her head was under the water, the salt water enveloping her. She willed the waves to wash her away into the night, staying under water until she couldn’t take it anymore, before finally jumping up and screaming at the moon. As a teenager, she would sneak down here at night to smoke pot, fantasizing that the golden reflection of the moon on the silvery waves was a faery path that would take her up into the sky, away from the dismal mortal life she inhabited on earth. Back then, the worst thing in her life was AP Bio and her unrequited crush on Rick Schlessinger, the object of much angst-ridden poetry written while sitting on the beach, smoking cloves and summoning all the pain her sixteen year old self could muster. That seemed like a cake walk compared to today. 

She had quit smoking when she got home, Avi hated it. Her father was a quiet man, when he wasn’t working as a sound editor in town, she would find him on the sofa in their small trailer overlooking the bluffs, reading science fiction next to a pot of tea and a stack of chocolate dipped biscuits. However, he did turn to her two days after she moved in and explain that he would rather see her doing heroin again than smoking cigarettes. Hurt, indignant, but also humbled by the very real need to save her money and live back at home, Hannah kept her mouth shut and quit smoking. Avi’s quiet British sarcasm was all it took. Apart from that, they got along, and her father reverted to his den mothering ways, cooking dinner most nights and queuing up classic movies on the VCR for them to watch and analyze as they ate. Their love language was film criticism, it was the main vehicle for most of their meaningful conversations. 

Hannah spent her days pounding the pavement, and looking for work. She visited some of her friends from college, reached out to a few directors she had worked with, saw her uncle Abe, the executive at Paramount, and the reoccurring feedback she got was  to lay low for a few months, let the tabloid story recede, and then she would get some traction. In the meantime, she found a job in Vancouver, a Canadian friend from college had started a company editing for the new booming television industry up there that took advantage of those sweet sweet Canuck media tax breaks. She was set to leave for Vancouver in three days.

Hannah had flown up to Vancouver in early November, got the job, and started making her arrangements to leave. Then, a week later, she noticed that her breasts were more sensitive than usual, and gasped when she realized she hadn’t had her period in a while. Like, a while a while. Hannah was not one for tracking her cycle, she didn’t keep a calendar, she was on the pill so she didn’t worry too much. But the minute the thought crossed her mind she knew, she knew before she drove to the drug store and bought the test. She knew before she handed the test to Robin a waited for her friend to read her the result. She knew because she hadn’t bought tampons since she got home from rehab. According to her gynecologist, she was eight weeks pregnant when she found out in mid-November. Since then, Hannah had been in a holding pattern, avoiding dealing with this new reality in any meaningful way. Her sponsor had lectured her to tell Austin, no matter what her decision was, she was supposed to be living a new, honest life, and she shouldn’t try to manage his emotions or reality by keeping it from him. But she couldn’t bare to call him. The OB went over her choices with her, it was 1991, not 1961, but cautioning her that she really needed to make her decision before the end of her third trimester. Just like she had known she was pregnant, Hannah had already known what her decision was. 

“So,” Robin asked, at brunch with Hannah and their other friend, Sarah the Sunday before Thanksgiving. “ I thought you were pro-choice… we just signed up to campaign for Bill Clinton….”

Theoretically, Hannah had always thought that if she got pregnant before she was ready, or not in a committed relationship, she would just have an abortion. But theory didn’t take into account how she actually felt when it actually happened in actual real life. What Hannah really wanted was a time machine to go back and not get pregnant at all. She knew she couldn’t go through with an abortion, and but she was terrified of having a baby. 

“I am pro-choice. Emphasis on choice, Robin. Fuck…. You know I promised Avi when I was 15…”

Robin gasped.

“What do you mean you promised your dad when you were 15? That you would never have an abortion?”

Hannah nodded. “Yeah, it was the only sex talk we ever had. Driving a long PCH one day, he turned to me and told me if I ever got pregnant, he would raise the baby. I guess Georgie had two secret abortions when she was a teenager. The women in my family ….we are pretty fertile, I guess… I managed to somehow get knocked up on birth control…”

Robin shivered.

“Anyway,” Hannah continued. “My mom didn’t tell him until years later. She always regretted it. He always regretted it. Also, apparently a psychic once told my father she saw more children in his future…”

Sarah chimed in, “Well of course we’ll support—”

“Wait, you feel like because some psychic told your father —” Sarah slapped Robin. “I mean, yes, of course we will support you. And if you want to keep working, well, Austin just gonna have to shell out some of that movie star money for a nanny…”

Hannah sighed, picking apart the paper straw wrapper on the table. “I don’t know if that is exactly the approach I want to take when I tell him… I don’t want him to think I’m using this to get something from him… I need to be able to support myself, no matter what. I mean, obviously I need to tell him…”

But she hadn’t, and now she was at 14 weeks, and moving to Canada for work. In three days. But it was only for four months on a new TV series based on the Highlander movie. So, in theory, she could go work this job, come back at seven months pregnant and then have the baby here in LA. Maybe even pick up another job before the baby came. How hard could it be, she was already sitting down all day anyway? And what about after that? Where is your theory then? Fuck fuck fuck a duck.

“Stop being a pussy and just bite the bullet.” She said out loud. “Just call Austin.” 

Wet and shivering in the cold (for California) January air, Hannah felt the nervousness in her chest tingle and move to the top of her shoulders. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Walking back up the hill from the beach to Avi’s mobile home, Hannah looked down at her waist, her swimsuit under an oversized Les Mis shirt Austin bought her in London. She didn’t really look pregnant yet, the bottom of her belly hadn’t started to bend upward and expand. Her ankles looked thicker, but if you didn’t look at them every day, you probably wouldn’t know.

The longer Hannah put off calling Austin, the more awkward the prospect came, and she found herself flying off to Vancouver without calling him.

taglist @powerofelvis ​ @woundmetender ​ @slowsweetlove ​ @xstrengthxinxtragedyx ​ @cryingabtab ​ @whositmcwhatsit @artlover8992 @crash-and-cure @daffieapple @eliseinmemphis

#austin butler #austin butler fic #austin butler smut #austin butler 1980s fic #austin butler 1990s fic #austin buter x OC #banditqueenwrites

[tigerlilla]

the baby sitter trap

a mitsuya x reader fic

chapter 4: all nighter

4 of 5 // ch 3 … ch 5

————

you - 1:04 am

‘hi, i’m sorry to bother you, but i just thought about it, if you have a concussion it’s best to not sleep’

you throw your phone across the bed, sighing loudly. you second guess yourself, grabbing your phone and quickly typing into google.

you - 1:04 am

‘oh wait, i just googled it and doctors say it’s fine now’

now you’re embarrassed. you should have never texted mitsuya. it was stupid and-

mitsuya - 1:04 am

‘can’t sleep anyway’

you read his message as soon as it pops up on your screen, smiling.

mitsuya - 1:05 am

‘what are you still doing up?’

you type out a few messages, quickly deleting them. this had no right being this stressful. maybe it’s the sleep deprivation or the stress finally getting to you, but you send the original message you typed.

you - 1:06 am

‘i took a shower and then got to worrying about your head wounds’

you watched intently as three dots appeared on the screen, wondering what could be taking him so long to type out. suddenly, the dots disappeared.

you felt like crying. you couldn’t help but think he probably pictured you as creep now. you didn’t have any right to worry about him, you knew that.

you puffed out your chest. it was wherever. you were fine. you’d put on your moisturizer and then go to bed. it would be fine.

you rubbed the cream into your face, maybe a bit too aggressively. it was fine. you weren’t freaking out because you just texted a super cute man (who you totally didn’t have a small crush on even though he was basically your boss) that you were worried about him after a gang fight.

your phone chimed on your bed.

mitsuya - 1:10am

‘i’m outside your door’

mitsuya - 1:10 am

‘ :) ‘

your eyes widened. you slowly walked to the door, trying to hide your excitement.

you swung your apartment door open, “hi,” you said, a little breathless.

“hey,” mitsuya smiled, looking at you with his sweet eyes. “thought i’d come show you how expertly wrapped my head wounds are so you don’t have to worry about them.”

you smiled, biting your lip.

“that was it,” mitsuya grinned, “sorry if i kept you up.”

“no, you’re good,” you rush to say. “if neither of us are sleeping, would you like me to make you some tea?”

“the sleepy time stuff with the bear on the package?” mitsuya asked, his toothy grin totally enthralling.

“whatever you want,” you smile, getting more confident.

he steps into your home and you suddenly feel embarrassed.

“it’s a little small,” you wince, “and cluttered.”

“i like it,” he says, shoving his hands into the pocket of his hoodie.

you walk to the kitchen, glad for your open floor plan, and by open floor plan, you mean a one room apartment that has your kitchen right next to your bed. you fill a kettle and place it on the stove. your eyes follow him as he walks around your small living room, picking up knickknacks and looking at the pictures hung on your walls.

“it’s all very you,” he says, walking towards you. “i’m surrounded by you, in the best way.”

you smile, your cheeks already hurting.

mitsuya’s eyes catch on a picture frame hung by your door. “this is sweet.”

“oh god, that’s embarrassing,” you blush, looking over his shoulder at the picture. luna and mana are sitting on either side of you, their cheeks squished up against yours, all three of you smiling for the camera.

“i like it,” he straightens the frame. “can you send it to me?”

“oh, i have way better pictures of the girls,” you reply, already clicking on the album in your photos.

“i like this one,” he hums, a glimmer dancing in his eyes.

you gulp, reoccupying yourself with the hot water. then you remember, “the girls!” you gasp. “what if they’ve woken up? they’d be terrified to find no one home.”

“i’ve only been gone like ten minutes. i checked on them before i left and they were fast asleep,” he rushes to calm you down.

you breathe a sigh of relief, “okay, good.” your kettle screams and you take it off the stove, hanging a tea infuser inside.

“i’ve been thinking about something,” mitsuya says, leaning into the counter beside you. his baggy sweater and gray sweatpants combo make it hard to keep eye contact. “a few things actually.”

“what’s that?” you ask, feeling the nerves rise from the pit of your stomach.

“you should learn to ride,” he says, his arm ridiculously close to your own. “i want to teach you.”

“oh, no-“

“shh,” he urges. “i knew you’d say that, but i’d really love it if you at least tried it.”

“maybe,” you sigh, giving in to his pleading eyes. he has the same power over you as his sisters.

he looks at you with an excited expression.

“what?” you ask, taking the dripping tea infuser out of the kettle. “right now?”

“no better time than the present,” mitsuya grins.

“it’s 1 in the morning,” you frown, “and i just made tea. and you’re supposed to be resting.”

“we can have tea after, come on,” mitsuya reaches for your hand.

you roll your eyes with a smile, taking his hand, “fine, but we need to check on the girls first.”

“deal,” mitsuya smiles, he pulled your hand, pulling you towards the door.

you grab your kettle, letting him pull you out of the apartment and down the hall.

mitsuya unlocks his apartment, pulling you inside after him. you could tell he was excited, he had a hum about him.

you placed the kettle down on the kitchen counter, before sneaking into the girls’ room. mitsuya watched as you snuck up to their bedside, the two of them cuddled together. you place light kisses on their temples, careful not to wake them.

“cute,” mitsuya whispers, quiet enough where you didn’t hear him.

you tiptoe back over to the doorframe he’s leaning against.

“already left a note on the counter, just in case they wake up,” he says.

you hum your approval, trotting after him to the door. following him down the stairs, you focus on the nape of his neck. he was growing his hair out into a wolfcut. you liked how the tips of his hair curled against his pale neck.

“we’ll stay in the parking lot, mkay?”

“okay,” you reply, your nerves showing in your shaky voice.

mitsuya pulls back his bike cover, smiling at his prized possession. he rolls it into half empty parking lot. “you ready?” he asks, sliding a helmet on your head.

you nod.

“go ahead and get on,” he commands, holding the bike steady for you. “hold the clutch,” he points to the left handle. “i’m going to turn it on, don’t freak out, just hold the clutch.”

you nod, feeling the bike roar to life under you. you hold the clutch firmly.

“good job,” mitsuya smiles. he points to the right handle bar, “to accelerate, twist the grip towards you, a little goes a long way. that’s the throttle. this lever is for the front brakes. be gentle.”

you nod, concentrated on his words.

“your right foot controls the rear brakes, start by gently pushing them, mkay? you’re going to use the clutch to switch gears. holding the clutch, you’re gonna push your left foot down right here by the footrest, switching to first gear. release the clutch slowly and then push on the throttle extremely slowly to get started.”

you nod, your brows furrowed.

“we’ll start off super slowly, i’ll be right beside you, helping you balance,” mitsuya says, trying to calm you down. “ready?”

you push back your left foot, feeling the gears shift. your hold on the clutch loosens, slightly pushing on the throttle. the bike lurches beneath you.

mitsuya places a hand on your back, the other on your left handlebar, helping you stay upright.

you crawl forward.

“hold the clutch and let go of the throttle,” mitsuya says. “slowly apply your rear breaks then your front.”

you do as he says, coming to a stop. you put your feet down on the ground, smiling up at mitsuya.

“you did it!” he smiles, his eyes shining.

“yeah,” you say, completely breathless.

“do you wanna do it again?” mitsuya asks, smiling down at you.

you nod, biting on your lip to keep from smiling too wide.

mitsuya steps back, letting you have full control of the bike.

you loosen up on the clutch, pulling the throttle. you giggle at your start, slowly gaining speed. steering is simple, it’s just like a bicycle.

mitsuya yells something, but you can’t hear it over the loud purr of the engine.

you go for the corner, slowing down a bit to turn. you lean your body to the left, giggling at how giddy you feel. suddenly, the bike seems heavier than before, more shaky. you struggle for control, pressing the brakes. you’re immediately thrown off the bike, skidding along the ground as the bike crashes right behind you.

you hear mitsuya yelling something, the slap of his sneakers against the concrete. he’s with you in a second, scooping your head off the concrete and propping you up on his body.

“shit, are you okay?” he asks, his words frantic. you’ve never seen him not be calm and collected.

“i’m fine,” you say, your cheeks dark red. your skin burns from rubbing up against the concrete. you regret wearing shorts, they offered no protection from the rough ground. at least your hoodie kept your arms safe.

“i’m so sorry, this is all my fault-“

“no, i’m sorry, your bike…” you trail off, scared to finish your sentence.

“it’s fine, i care more about you,” mitsuya looks at you with his purple eyes and you believe every word he says. “you’re bleeding,” he looks at your knee and thigh, skinned up from the contact with the concrete. “i’ll carry you inside.”

“no!” his hands are too hot against your skin. “no, i’m okay. i can walk.”

he blinks at you before helping you to your feet. he watches intently as you take a few steps towards his bike, trying to pick it up from the ground. “it’s heavy,” he warns, moving to help you. mitsuya picks it up with ease, quickly rolling it back into the covered parking.

you watch as he slides the cover back over, taking the helmet from your hands and placing it on the handlebar.

mitsuya places an arm around your waist, supporting a lot of your weight. he takes you up the stairs and into his apartment, setting you down in the same spot he was in hours ago.

“it’s really just a small scrape,” you protest, looking down at your bloodied knee.

mitsuya takes your hand in his before he rubs alcohol over the scrape, making you squeeze his hand. “good girl,” he says, placing a bandaid over the scrape.

you blush from the praise, not used to it.

mitsuya kisses your knee lightly, “that always helps the girls.”

you squeeze your thighs together, recognizing the slow heat spreading across your gut.

mitsuya stands up, taking both your hands in his. he helps you up. “better?”

“better,” you nod, your cheeks still pink.

“i’m sorry.”

“what do you have to be sorry for?” you cock your head.

“you got hurt.”

“it was my own doing,” you smile softly. “you’re a great teacher. would you be willing to teach me more?”

“of course,” mitsuya winks, his hands still in yours.

“you’re nothing like jacob,” you whisper.

“jacob?” mitsuya wrinkles his nose.

“from twilight? he and bella ride motorcycles in new moon, remember?”

a confused expression rests on mitsuya’s face.

“you’ve never seen twlight?” you ask, your brows knitted.

mitsuya shakes his head.

“no way,” you gasp. “we have to watch them. we have to start at twlight so you understand the context for new moon.”

“should we pull an all nighter?” mitsuya smiles at you.

“it’s 2:30 in the morning and there’s five movies. are you sure you’re ready to watch the most controversial movie series back-to-back?” you giggle.

“i have great stamina,” mitsuya wiggles his eyebrows. he pulls you into the living room, pulling you down on the couch beside him.

—

“this is my favorite part,” you giggle, sitting cross-legged on the couch next to mitsuya. “i love vampire baseball.”

mitsuya laughs at your giddy expression, paying much more attention to you than the movie.

“watch! this is exciting!” you poke at his side.

—

“that’s exactly how you fell off the bike,” mitsuya laughs.

“nuh-uh,” you pout.

“at least you didn’t bust your head open. the girls would have killed me.”

“there’s always next time,” you wink.

mitsuya laughs, his smile wide enough where you can see all of his teeth.

—

“look,” you say, tucking your knees up to your chest, feeling the heat radiating from mitsuya’s arm on the back of the couch behind you, “the sun’s already rising.”

“and we’re only starting the third movie,” mitsuya replies, turning to look at you.

“are you tired?” you ask. you’re very tired. you feel a little delirious.

mitsuya shakes his head, “i promised you an all nighter. we need to finish the series.”

“mkay,” you smile, tucking your knees under and to the side of you, lightly leaning against mitsuya. you can smell his cologne, his sweat, his blood.

mitsuya immediately settles against you, shifting his shoulder so you can rest more comfortably against him.

“does this hurt your bruising?” you whisper.

“no,” he murmurs, playing with the hood of your sweatshirt.

you smile, biting your lip to try and hide it.

—

“do you ever want to get married?” mitsuya asks. it’s the first time he’s spoken since the beginning of breaking dawn.

“maybe, i don’t know,” you reply, your head up against his chest. “do you?”

“i think it’d be nice, having someone to come home to, something you can trust with anything and everything.”

“that’s sweet,” you smile into his sweater. “i think their wedding is really pretty. i like the lights and the flowers and all the trees.”

“mhm,” mitsuya murmurs, continuing to rub circles on your shoulder.

“the girls should be up soon,” you sigh.

“damn, it’s already 8:30,” mitsuya says, his voice low and raspy. “meh, they can make breakfast for themselves.

—

you place your hands over mitsuya’s eyes, giggling wildly.

“no fair,” he laughs, blindly reaching for your face. he grabs your jaw, tracing his way up to your eyes.

you giggle even more now that your eyes are covered. your laughter covers up the moans coming from the tv. “i don’t let the girls watch sex scenes so you don’t get to either.”

“i’m a fully grown adult,” mitsuya whines, trying to cover up his laugher. “we’re gonna wake the girls.”

“you’re right,” you quiet down. “oh look, it’s over.”

“you have nothing to worry about, doll. bella really isn’t my type,” mitsuya winks. “i prefer babysitters with tiny apartments and weirdly close relationships with my sisters.”

“takashi,” you gasp, swatting at his arm. “you better stop looking at me like that or i might fall in love with you,” you pout.

“wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world,” mitsuya replies, pulling you back into his side, “i guess.”

you lean into him, letting him wrap his arm around your body. you haven’t even registered the conversation you just had. your eyelids are too heavy. everything is so bright. you’re tired.

“night taka,” you mumble into mitsuya’s side before letting your eyes rest.

#sorry for all the tense changes #i am too lazy to fix them #takashi mitsuya #mitsuya takashi #mana mitsuya #luna mitsuya #mitsuya tr #mitsuya x you #mitsuya x reader #mitsuya imagines #mitsuya fluff #mitsuya #tokyo revengers takashi mitsuya #tokrev mitsuya #tokyo revengers mitsuya #mitsuya x y/n #mitsuya hcs #tr fanfiction #tokyorev x reader #tokyo manji gang #tokyo revengers #tokyo rev fluff #tokyo rev x y/n #tokyo rev headcanons #tokyo rev x you #the babysitter trap #tigerlilla

[hookedonapirate]

Lady Cassidy's Lover

Summary: 1919 England, Emma Cassidy, wife of a baronet, finds herself trapped in a loveless marriage after the war leaves her husband, Neal, paralyzed from the waist down and unable to produce an heir.

Despite the obstacles, she sticks by her husband's side at Goldby Hall, his family's estate, but when she meets former army lieutenant and Neal's aloof gamekeeper, Killian Jones, she feels curiously drawn to his distant blue eyes and quiet demeanor.

At first, she seeks him out for reprieve from her soulless, mundane existence at Goldby Hall, but what starts out as purely physical quickly turns into more than either of them expects.

But Emma is a baronetess, wife of an aristocrat and Killian is a working class servant. Their love affair is frowned upon, and she risks losing her title, her wealth and her position in the world by being with him. But she is determined to get her happy ending with the man she loves. Even if it means losing everything else in the process.

A/N: I totally forgot to post the last chapter and epilogue on here, but hopefully you are following me on AO3 and have read it there. If not, I do apologize, it has been a hectic few weeks! Thank you everyone for all the lovely comments and feedback! I'll be posting the epilogue on here shortly.

Thank you Ultraluckycatnd for being an amazing beta reader!

Based on Lady Chatterley's Lover for @captainswanmoviemarathon

Hope you all enjoy!

Catch up: Ch 1 I Ch 2 I Ch 3 I Ch 4 I Ch 5 I Ch 6 I Ch 7 I Ch 8 I Ch 9 I Ch 10 I Ch 11 I Ch 12 I Epilogue

Chapter Twelve

The walk from the hut to Goldby feels like the longest and dreariest and gloomiest walk she’s ever been on. Probably because it has occurred to her that this is the last time she will ever take this particular walk. This is the last time she will ever walk from the hut to Goldby, and her heart aches at the thought. 

She will never again walk the forest to go to or from Killian’s cottage, she will never go to the hut again to see him or the pheasants. He left the key where they always left it—above the door—so she had taken it and put it on the chain around her neck, tucking it under her scarf. If Neal wanted the key, he would need to have another one made.

She is completely exhausted and out of breath by the time she reaches Goldby, even though she had moved at a snail’s pace. Killian hasn’t even been gone that long, yet she already feels completely alone and desolate on this land. There’s Johanna, whom she’d become fond of and had befriended since she became Neal’s caretaker, but Emma’s sure the woman will stay here to look after Neal when Emma leaves.

“My Ladyship, you shouldn’t be here.” Johanna rushes up to Emma as she storms inside, determined to get this over with.

She doesn’t want to be here any longer than she has to. Emma stops and places a hand on the woman’s arm. “It’s okay,” she assures. “I need to speak with him.

Johanna nods. “Yes, of course, milady. He’s in his room.”

So Emma goes to the library—the room Neal uses as a bedroom—finding him sitting on the edge of the bed, gaping at her in surprise.

“Emma…”

She closes the door behind her, drawing in a long breath, and prepares to tell him the things she’d replayed in her mind over and over again on the way here.

For a second, he just stares at her in silence like a wounded bird, helpless and hurt. But she doesn’t feel guilty or bad, and perhaps she should’ve reserved an ounce of emotion for him, but there is nothing left inside her. Everything she feels is for Killian. The sadness, the anger inside her from having to be apart from him, the love coursing through her veins—it’s all for him and the child she bears.

“So it’s all true? Why would you do this?”

“It was your idea.”

“My idea?” Neal barks out a contemptuous laugh and shakes his head furiously. “No, no, no.”

“Neal, you knew perfectly well what I was getting into.”

His eyes go wild with rage and disappointment as he looks at her. “With the right sort of man. I said the right sort!”

Emma balls her hands into fists, glaring at him. “Killian Jones is a better person than anyone I’ve ever met!” she states with conviction.

He lowers his voice, speaking through gritted teeth. “I was perfectly clear, Emma. We discussed the rules.”

“I’m going to have his child,” she says proudly.

“You’re going to…” For once, he’s at a loss for words, and he just sits there gaping at her, his eyes wide and jaw dropped. “You’re sure?” he finally says after a moment, his brows knitting together with puzzlement.

She nods. “I went to see the doctor before I left for Venice.”

He scoffs. “But… everybody knows.” He gestures toward her stomach. “You can’t possibly expect me to claim that child as mine now.”

Emma shakes her head. “No, I…I don’t.” She looks him straight in the eyes, speaking firmly but calmly. “I want a divorce, Neal. I’m leaving you.”

He blinks a few times, his face pale. “No.” He shakes his head furiously, not accepting it. “No, you can’t.”

Emma gulps, hoping he won’t make this difficult. “Look, I’m…”—the words get caught in her throat as her eyes water with tears—“I’m so sorry about how this has all turned out, but we both know this…marriage has been unhappy for a very long time now.”

“No, it hasn’t been. Not for me.”

She manages a laugh. “Well, yes, because you laid out all the rules.” She breathes through her nose, trying to block out any fear pushing its way inside her as she says the things she needs to say. “And I tried to follow them. I tried to support you in every way I could.” 

Her voice is shaking as she pushes through her fear and anxiety and raises her voice, thinking about how Neal used to make her feel when she had actually tried to show him affection and had wanted it from him in return. She thinks about how loved and cherished and cared for she is by Killian, and it’s so much different and greater than anything Neal has ever shown her. 

“But you gave me nothing in return. Not the slightest drop of affection or kindness.” Because of Killian, Emma now knows the true meaning of love. It's not a piece of paper binding two people together, it’s not merely living under the same roof with someone, it’s wanting to give everything she has without feeling ashamed and regretful for it or sad for receiving nothing in return. Because Killian gives her everything and then some. He has opened her eyes to love and sensuality, and she is now able to want what she wants without feeling remorse or shame. Emma is glaring at Neal, resentful and bitter. “And what’s worse, you made me feel ashamed for even wanting those things.”

“I’ve always cared for you, Emma.”

“Yes, cared for me. In the same way you care for your books and for your radio, but you never cared for me or loved me in the ways I needed you to!”

“I love you, Emma. I’ve loved you the only way I know how. I’ve given you everything I know how to give.”

She shakes her head, speaking softly again. “It’s not enough.”

“Then talk to me, Ems. Help me understand. Show me how I can prove to you how I feel.”

“Let me go. Please. Let me go.”

He nods and gestures toward the door, but she knows it won’t be this easy. “Go. Though, know this…I will never grant you your divorce. Because you broke your word. You promised to come back to me after you returned from Venice, but instead you come back carrying my servant's child!"

“Technically, I never made it to Venice,” she says snarkily. “And technically, he’s not your servant anymore.”

“I’m quite aware,” he snaps, his eyes wild with anger. “He had the nerve to come in here and tell me he was unapologetically in love with you!”

“He said that, did he?” A small smirk curves the corner of her lips from knowing he told Neal he was in love with her and not ashamed to say it.

He scoffs. “Oh yes, well I’m glad you find enjoyment in betraying me,” he says sarcastically. “You’ve made a mockery of my life here in Goldby, and I am not inclined to give you anything ever again.”

She laughs, tickled by the false notion that he actually gave her anything. Yes, perhaps a house and possessions but nothing that truly means anything. He never gave her anything she actually needed or craved. “I don’t think you ever really were.” She turns around and heads out the room, shutting the door behind her and letting out a long sigh. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted from her shoulders, and a tear rolls down her cheek. Not of sadness. She is sad Killian is gone, of course, and she has no idea when she will see him again, but this particular tear is one of relief.

 “Milady.” Johanna approaches her outside the door, her face etched with apology. “I wasn’t meaning to pry, but I worried about you.”

Emma smiles at her. “I’m all right. Thank you for letting me know.” She’s not the least bit mad Johanna told her. Why would she be? Because of the telephone call, Emma had the chance to see Killian before he left. Though she wishes they could’ve left together. “Thank you for prying,” she says sincerely.

Johanna blushes and nods, her lips expanding into a smile.

“Do you have any idea where Killian has gone?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Would you ask your friends to let you know if they hear any news?”

“And why shall I say I’m asking?”

A smile touches Emma’s lips. “Because I love him. Tell them that.”

“Yes, milady.”

“Goodbye, Johanna.” Emma turns around and starts to head down the hall.

“Milady…”

She turns back around to see the woman’s eyes shining with unshed tears.

“I do hope you find your gentleman.”

“Thank you, Johanna. So do I.” A gentle laugh leaves Emma’s lips. “So do I.” Johanna turns around and walks away as Emma does the same.

She doesn’t care to grab anything from here—she doesn’t want any of it. But she does grab one thing before she leaves Goldby.

The wedding photo of her and Neal. But not for sentimental reasons.

She plans on burning it.

~*~

Emma stares vacantly ahead as the gondola glides through the water, the man in a blue and white striped shirt and straw-hat towering above the sisters from behind, rowing with easy, practiced strokes of the great oar.

The city is bustling with activity, travelers strolling along the stone arch bridge, which spans across the Grand Canal, chatting amongst themselves and pointing at things that catch their eye and couples linking arms and kissing. She watches longingly, wishing Killian could be here with her, holding her hand, kissing her for everyone to see. Perhaps then she might actually enjoy her time here in Venice. After all, he is the father of her child and the love of her life. Who better to share this trip with than him?

So she just can’t enjoy it like she did when she was younger. And she has every reason to enjoy it—she finally told Neal she wants a divorce, she finally left Goldby, left it all behind, though she knows Neal won’t actually give her a divorce. After she left the smoky midlands, she decided to meet her father and sister in Venice and stay here for two months, considering she doesn’t really have anywhere else to go. For the first time in her life, she doesn't have a home to go back to. But she'll have two months to figure out what to do. Two months to wait and hope for Killian to show up. 

“Are the signorine staying long at the Villa Esmeralda?” The gondolier wipes the sweat off his face with a white and blue handkerchief.

“Two months. And we are both married ladies,” Mary Margaret corrects him in Italian. Though the man may have been half-right addressing Emma as an unmarried lady.

“My apologies, signoras.”

“Actually, I asked Neal for a divorce,” Emma tells her sister, still staring ahead as they relax on the pillows in their sunny frocks. Or rather, Mary Margaret is sitting up straight, wide-eyed and excited about being in Venice, and Emma is slumped against the pillows, sulking in her misery of being without the man she loves.

Mary Margaret gapes at her sister. “You did?! What did he say?”

“Said he wasn’t inclined to grant me one,” Emma answers glumly.

Mary Margaret waves off her worry. “I’m sure he’ll be inclined to eventually. Just give it time. He is desperate for an heir. Maybe he’ll find someone who will happily give him one.”

Emma cocks her head toward her sister, eyeing her apprehensively. “Yeah, I doubt Neal will want to make that mistake again.” She laughs a little at that.

“True. But what if he found someone who was already pregnant?”

“Who?”

She shrugs and wraps an arm around Emma’s shoulders. “I don’t know. Best not to worry about him. We are in Venice now, and you are going to have a good time.”

Emma tries to smile, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. She doesn’t wish to sulk the entire time here—she’s on a holiday, for heaven’s sake—but she can’t help but feel like part of herself is missing without Killian.

The Villa Esmeralda is quite a long way out, on the edge of the lagoon looking toward Chioggia.

The house they are staying in is crowded with other guests but quite lovely, with terraces that face the sea and afford a picturesque view of a large garden below with dark trees that are walled off from the lagoon. 

Sir Leopold still paints a Venetian lagoon-scape now and then, in contrast to his Scottish landscapes. So in the morning, he is rowed off to a site with his huge canvas.

The sisters don't find the house parties particularly entertaining, but they are rarely at the house anyway. In addition to taking them to the exhibition, with its miles and miles of paintings, Leopold also takes them to the Villa Lucchese to visit all his cronies. He sits with them in the piazza on warm evenings, takes them for coffee at Florian's and brings them to the theater to see the Goldoni plays. 

Everything one could possibly need for a holiday is here, including dances and illuminated water fêtes. This is the holiday place of all holiday places, but there are too many couples showing affection in the piazza, too many children playing, too many languages being spoken, too many pigeons and too much sun. Too much fun, too much enjoyment—but she can’t enjoy any of it. Because out of everything here, there’s no Killian. Not his sea blue eyes or his smile or his warmth or his handsome face. And it hurts. It just hurts too much, everything is all jumbled together and there’s a big gaping hole in her heart that won’t stop aching.

“Hullo!” Graham Humbert, an artist and friend of theirs, had arrived at the Villa Esmeralda, coming north from Rome. “Come and have an ice cream or something!” He escorts them to the Lido in his gondola.

Emma believes that if she had followed through with her plan, she would have told Neal she had an affair with Graham. For she can trust Graham and confide in him. In fact, she tells him everything that happened back in Goldby, and she knows he won’t share her secrets. He only hopes Killian finds her.

When they arrive at the Lido, she and Mary Margaret know almost everyone there. Five or so years ago, when Emma was actually a signorina, she would’ve engaged in all of this. The cocktails, the vermouth, the cigarettes. Lying in water and sunbathing on hot sand, jazzing with some fellow in the warm nights, cooling off with ice cream. It was a complete narcotic. And that was what she had once wanted—a drug. 

Being a married woman herself, Mary Margaret enjoys simply sunbathing with her sister, observing all the women and speculating about them. How does she look? What man has she captured? What fun is she getting out of it? Emma’s just glad they don’t know what happened back at Goldby. At least not yet. It might only be a matter of time before the word spreads abroad.

Emma had once missed her old life, but now she wishes more than anything to skip forward to the day she can see Killian again. 

Until then, she is happiest when she can persuade Mary Margaret to accompany her across the lagoon to a solitary shingle bank where they can bathe alone.

And Emma was right. Word eventually spreads to Venice about Emma’s affair with her husband’s gamekeeper and the fact she is having his child. She can see the way they turn up their noses at her, and she can hear them whisper and speak in hushed tones around her, especially now that her pregnancy bump shows. Mary Margaret and Graham tell her to ignore them, but it’s too late. The charm of this place has already faded after two months, and she’s ready to leave. So they go back to London and stay there for a little while. 

Emma doesn’t know how her sister and brother-in-law can be apart for so long, but Mary Margaret always tells her that no matter how many miles are between them, they will always return to each other. Emma envies what they have together. 

She reads a book on a bench in front of some hedges, or at least she stares at the pages as she thinks about her time with Killian. She thinks about him all the time.

She sees the images in her head of him—his handsome, tanned face, dark, unruly hair, and that gorgeous grin flickering on his lips. She hears his voice, that deep, husky brogue and the way it sets her insides on fire. And she feels his strong, warm hands on her body, softly caressing her skin as they lay naked together. He always knew how to make her feel so loved, so special, so beautiful.

“How many times have you read that page?” Mary Margaret’s voice startles her, breaking Emma out of her dreamy daze, and she looks over to see her sister taking a seat next to her.

Emma smiles a little and closes the book in her lap, knowing she’s been caught daydreaming, her cheeks warming. “What?”

Mary Margaret lets out a soft sigh. “Well…”—a small smile tilts her lips as she hands Emma an envelope—“it looks as though he’s found you.”

Emma gapes at her and then at the envelope, her mouth falling open as she snatches it from her sister’s hand and quickly but carefully opens it up. She truly hopes her sister is not messing with her, because that would be very, very cruel. But then she pulls out a sheet of paper and unfolds it, revealing a letter signed by Killian.

“Oh my God.” Emma is breathless as she glances at Mary Margaret once more, and she can see the sincerity in her sister’s eyes before her own flicker back to the letter.

Her eyes are stinging, and her heart is pounding as she reads through a teary gaze.

Tears are streaming down her cheeks, and she’s clasping the key around her neck, rubbing it with her thumb as she finishes the letter. “May I take the—” Before Emma gets the chance to ask Mary Margaret if she can borrow the car since her sister had planned on staying here for a few more days, the words catch in her throat.

“I told you I’d find you, love.”

Emma gasps, her heart skipping as she places her hand on her chest, wondering if what she’s seeing is actually real.

Once she can move again, she tucks the letter inside her book to keep it from blowing away and stands up, cupping her hands over her mouth. When a grin overtakes his face, she laughs, tears of joy spilling freely down her cheeks. She hadn’t even noticed Mary Margaret was no longer sitting next to her, and she had expected to drive to Scotland to find Killian’s little village, but instead, he’s standing right there in front of her, even more handsome than she remembers. The expression on his face is full of so much love, and he’s wearing a dark blue sweatshirt that matches his stunning eyes.

Emma springs forward and throws her arms around him with a force strong enough to cause him to stumble backward a few steps. As he completely envelops her in his embrace, his melodic chuckle rings in her ear, making her heart race. For a long moment, Emma just holds him tight like her life depends on it, with no intention of letting him go ever again.

He’s soft and warm in her arms, and she sobs into his shoulder while he strokes her hair, whispering in her ear, “I love you so bloody much.”

“I love you, too.”

Emma lifts her head and cups his cheeks in her hands, seizing his lips with hers, a rush of heat sweeping through her as she feels his sharp stubble on her fingertips and lips, tastes his mouth and tongue on hers, hears the low, little groan he makes, feels his solid chest against her breasts. Her breaths are shaky, her heart spiking as she breathes him in. It feels surreal touching him again, kissing him. She had hoped to see him again and wished for it every moment they were apart.

He frames her face in his hands, and they deepen the kiss, getting completely lost in each other. She had waited for this moment for two damn months. Her fingers slide into his hair as warmth rolls through them, and he pulls back for air. She is blushing, beaming at him and out of breath as they both pause to draw air back into their lungs. Their lips remain nearly touching, his fingers moving stray hairs from her face. “I’m never letting you go again,” he murmurs, his lips brushing over the corner of her mouth, then her cheek.

Emma grins, placing her hand on her baby bump. “You don’t have a choice. You’re stuck with us.”

“I love the sound of that.” Her heart flutters as he peers down at her stomach and caresses her baby bump through her dress. “How was Venice?” His breath is still ragged as he looks up at her again.

She eyes his lips and leans in, capturing them with hers. “Awful.”

He chuckles into the kiss, matching her unbridled enthusiasm with each subtle shift, each gentle stroke of her tongue with his. “I missed you too.”

Her heart bursts with joy, and they laugh a little, still kissing, giddy and glad to be together again. “How did you even get here?”

“David brought me.” Killian encases her hands in his. “I was going to ask him to deliver the letter to you, but…I decided to deliver it personally.” He smiles and lifts her hands to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “How would you like to go to dinner with a working fellow like myself? I even got a formal black suit to wear.”

Emma lifts a brow. “Oh really? In that case…I’d love nothing more,” she teases with a grin. “As long as I get to keep you.”

“As you wish, milady.”

She laughs and shakes her head. “Don’t call me that.” She doesn’t wish to be addressed as Milady or Your Ladyship ever again. And the thought of being called Lady Cassidy now repulses her.

He lifts a brow and releases her hands, closing the distance between them and wrapping her up in his arms. “Well, now that you’re no longer with Neal, what should I call you?”

Emma winds her arms around the back of his neck, gazing wistfully into his eyes. For the first time since she met Killian, her time with him is not limited. She doesn’t have to settle for a quickie or a fleeting cuddle and go back to Goldby to a husband she doesn’t love and a life that depresses her. She just gets to be with Killian, and even though they can’t get married yet, that doesn’t matter.

All that matters is they’re together. Just the three of them. Their little family.

“Just call me Emma. Emma Swan.”

#cs ff #captain swan #final chapter before epilogue #lady cassidy's lover

[stwritings]

Funny Seeing You Here

Synopsis

Long time in-patient y/n was looking forward to her upcoming discharge date from the Hawkins Memorial Hospital. That is, until she became acquainted with an unlikely familiar face, Eddie Munson.

Author’s Note

This is a fix it fic following Stranger Things season 4, volume 2. In this fic, we’re going to forget the fact that the Duffer Brothers decided to delete Eddie from the series. :-) These events take place after the battle in the upside down. I’m also choosing to change the ending of season 4 by having the issue with the upside down resolved, therefore, Hawkins is not plagued by the massive earthquake that resulted in new portals being opened.

What To Expect

Slow burn, angst with a happy ending, fluff, smut in later chapters. ♡

Series Warnings

Mentions of mental health struggles, SMUT (in the later chapters, 18+ to read this story), angst with a happy ending, canon-typical violence.

Chapter 10

As she was barreling down the stairs not wanting to waste any more time, y/n’s mind was racing. She couldn’t believe how well that last interaction with Wayne had gone. All those worried thoughts and anxiety caused by lying when she could have been honest all along. It was a bit of a reality check for her. Maybe telling the truth wasn’t such a bad idea after all…

Upon arriving at their designated meet up spot, the smile she was already bearing grew twice as wide when Eddie met her gaze.

“You just love keeping me waiting, don’t you?” he teased.

“Oh man, how long have you been here?” she asked, concern now painted across her face.

“Not long, I’m just busting your balls. How was your day?” he asked leaning against the vending machine.

“Oh you know, same old.” Her responses were short, as she was still trying to catch her breathe from running down the stairwell.

“Not sure I do, is the 3rd floor any different than this one?” he asked.

“It’s pretty quiet, the maternity ward's up there.”

“You got a bundle of joy up there?” he asked whimsically.

Y/n froze. She knew he didn’t mean any offence by what he said, she was more so caught off guard by his question.

“Ah… I’m sorry that came out wrong. Let me try again; what brings you to this concrete box, slash prison?”

Y/n let out a soft chuckle, his dorkiness lightening the mood.

‘Now’s as good of a time as any.’ She thought. Remembering her previous interaction with Wayne eased her mind a little and gave her the confidence she was so desperately seeking to be honest with Eddie.

“I’m in a long-term patient care program, actually…” she trailed off, waiting for his reaction to assess whether she should continue speaking.

As he often did, Eddie was patiently listening, not wanting to interrupt. Despite being in one another’s brief presence these last few days, Eddie didn’t know much about her, and he was eager to learn.

Sensing y/n’s anxiety and reluctance to proceed, he chimed in. “Hence your extended knowledge of the menu here.”

She softly chuckled once more before a sigh escaped her lips. His lighthearted comment made her realize just how long she had been staying here. Too long.

“Yeah, gotta look out for newcomers, you’re welcome.”  She said, her head motioning towards the vending machine.

Eddie’s smile never faltered, it only varied in width. “Would you like to go for a walk?” he asked.

“Can you?” her face dropped the moment those words left her mouth.

“Can I walk? Yes, I can, thank you very much. If I get weak in the knees, I’ll be sure to let you know.” He teased.

“Oh god, I’m sorry that is NOT what I meant at all!” she began apologetically.

“I am equally hurt and offended. I will never recover from such disrespect.” He dramatically put his hand to his chest and stumbled back against the wall.

“Hey, don’t come crying to me when you pull a muscle, I’m a fast walker and have technically been walking longer than you have!” she said, leading them away from their initial spot.

“What? Aren’t we the same age?”

“Yes, but you’ve been in bed for almost a month now, so I have the upper hand.” she said, shooting him a mischievous grin.

“Not if I learned to walk before you did!”

“Do you have any evidence to back up these claims?” she challenged.

“No… I am tall though; Baby Eddie probably would have wanted to stretch out those legs and get to walking.”

“Eddie, that is not how that works!” she exclaimed, a laugh erupting from her chest.

“Do you have evidence to back up your claims???” he retorted with a fiery passion.

“Yeah, it’s this thing called Science; you might have heard of it.”

Eddie was smitten, he loved a good banter and it had been a while since he had met someone as witty as he was.

“There it is.” He began, nodding his head whilst looking up, appearing to have just solved a longstanding enigma.

“What?” she asked, slightly confused at his out of context response.

“The reason you graduated on time and I’m still working towards getting outta there.” He smiled shyly at her.

Y/n paused. Although she knew they were just teasing one another, the last thing she wanted to do was make him feel bad about still being in school.

“You know, you could have just been a very motivated baby.”

“A what now?” he asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“Maybe you were tired of crawling around. It’s hard on the knees, and an impractical way of getting around.”

“Spent a lot of time on your knees, y/n?” he said quizzically, raising an eyebrow.

“Excuse me?” She said, snapping up her head to look at him with narrow eyes.

“Oh, shit I’m so sorry, i-"

His sudden panic caused a laugh to erupt from her and she couldn’t hold her composure.

“I’m just messing with you, Eddie. You’re not the only one that can crack jokes.”

“You’re evil!!” he said, taking a step back, mouth agape, a smile slowly starting to form.

“Eh, I’ve been called worse.” She said shrugging her shoulders.

Silence fell as they both collected themselves from the burst of laughter that overcame them. They were doing laps around the 2nd floor as there weren’t many places to wander. It was once again a fairly quiet day with little visitors, which worked out in their favor. The noise reduction allowed for them to be more intimate with their conversations; not having to yell in order to hear one another.

“So, how long have you been in your program?” he asked, a warm smile and genuine curiosity displayed on his face.

“I’m not sure, really… It feels like forever, but if I had to guess, maybe 2 months. I’ve been in and out of the unit since I was 17 though.”

Silence. Y/n felt her palms begin to sweat as she waited anxiously for his response. Eddie wasn’t one to pry, especially if he sensed the person on the receiving end of his questions didn’t want to extrapolate, so he made sure to craft his response carefully.

“I get that, time gets lost when you’re stuck in a mindless routine.”

She had been staring at her shoes for most of their walk, but the minute he said that her eyes shot up at him; his words resonating with her everyday thoughts. This was the first time she had been so close to him, and the bright lights beaming from the ceilings made his features stand out. She noticed little details that had escaped her previously, like how perfectly symmetrical his facial features were and how slightly uneven his haircut was. Despite not fitting the beauty standard in Hawkins, he was objectively handsome. At least, she thought he was. An endearing smile crept up on her lips and she felt her cheeks become flushed.

Her sudden reaction and attentive stare made him blush as well, causing him to tug at the neckline of his shirt and clear his throat in an attempt to play it off. Y/n wasn’t sure of the reason, but the sight of his rosy cheeks made hers burn twice as bright. Turning away herself to gain composure, she glanced at a clock hanging on the wall, and boy was she glad she did. She was a few minutes shy of being late, time once again betraying her.

“Meeting you has made the routine a little less mindless though.” She began, involuntarily blushing once more as she gave him a timid smile.

“Only a little?” he said, once again playing up the dramatics. His hands fell to his knees, one hand shooting up to his chest a few seconds later.

“Those knees actin up? Can’t say I didn’t warn you” she said with a devilish smile on her face.

Eddie shot up from his crouched stance, amused but baffled at how quickly she thought on her feet.

“I do have to get back to my room though.” She stated, sorrow coating her tone.

“Want me to walk you up?” he offered.

“I’ll be okay, I have to run anyways so I’m not late, don’t want you to pull a muscle” she said smirking as she started towards the stairs.

“Hey, I am in my prime, stop treating me like I’m 90 years old!!”

She shot him one last smile before rushing back to meet Wayne, a feeling of warmth spreading from her face to her chest. Today was a good day.

_

Chapter 11

Let me know what you think & if you’re interested in being on my tag list ♡

Tag List: @motheraiya , @kik51199 , @munsontrash , @kaquaaqua , @munsonzzgfnzzgf , @haleighdriverriver , @thatlonelyalto , @ghoulsgraveyard , @braindelete , @sxpphicfxiry , @ladyapplejackdnd , @hellbaby237 , @grey-water-colors , @tubble-wubble , @moviefreak1205 , @piperd06 , @thegirlwhohides , @starryeyedkoko @thats-s0-ravenn , @piperd06 , @moviefreak1205 @tubble-wubble , @grey-water-colors , @xhorror-nerdx , @fandomsunited , @girlsvvish , @hellbaby237 , @eddieshands86

#eddie munson oneshot #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x fem!reader #stranger things eddie #eddie munson fanfiic #fix it fic #stranger things s4 #angst #eddie munson series #fluff #stranger things 4 #stranger things netflix #slow burn fic #stranger things

[kingkeerys]

50 ways to say goodbye ♛ ben hargreeves 3/4

word count: 7,102 (hELp mE)

pairing(s): sparrow!ben hargreeves/oc, umbrella!ben hargreeves/oc (platonic-ish)

a/n: this is way too long, just enjoy the chapter. sorry for the wait. thanks for the feedback love you all xoxo

← previous chapt.

"I SAY WE CELEBRATE," Fei grinned as they made their way upstairs.

“Champagne?” Ben suggested, still rubbing his stomach.

“You know me so well, brother.”

Everyone seemed to be in high spirits and accepted empty flutes from both Fei and Ben with smiles. Well, Sam’s was more of a grimace and Allison foregoed a glass for an entire bottle all to herself.

Ben retrieved a bottle from their bar – Sam suspected they had an endless supply back there – and popped the cork, pouring everyone a generous amount. They toasted and tossed back their drinks as if they were shots, quickly finishing two and then three glasses until their nerves had worn down to a pleasant buzz.

Slowly but surely, everyone dispersed from the living room, going their own separate ways to wind down for the evening. Sam took her fourth glass of champagne to one of the many tall, intricate windows in the Hargreeves mansion and gazed outside. Her headache was gone, limbs feeling pleasantly heavy and her stomach warm from the alcohol in an almost comforting way.

She watched the fires bloom across the street, licking across buildings and street posts and benches, melting and blackening everything in their wake.

She felt someone approach her from behind and took a light sip from her glass.

“So… we saved the world, huh?” she asked. The person stepped up and stood beside her. “Tell me what world you see out there. What was the point?”

“We’re alive, aren’t we?” Ben asked. “I think that was the point.”

“But is anyone else?”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

She sighed and looked away. “I didn’t think it was going to get this far, that there’d be this much destruction. I’m happy to be alive. I am. But what can we even do now? Where can we go?”

Ben pursed his lips and raised his glass to them, tossing back the rest of his champagne. There was a red flush to his cheeks – he’d probably had more glasses than she did.

“Who’s to say we can’t stay here?” he proposed. She furrowed her brows at him.

“Forever?”

He rolled his eyes. “We aren’t the only ones who survived this. There’s too many people on this Earth for us to be the only ones left on it. The world will rebuild and maybe for the better.”

“Yeah but that will take decades,” she argued. “We’ll be old and in rocking chairs before it’ll look even slightly livable. And that’s if we even make it that long. Do you not see?” she gestured out the window. “We didn’t save anything.”

She left Ben alone at the window, sitting her glass on one of the stray tables in the hallway before making her way upstairs.

She just wanted to sleep and pretend none of this had ever happened.

--

Sam wasn’t sure if she’d managed to fall asleep or was just dozing when she felt the bed shake beneath her.

She rubbed her eyes before widening them as she watched bottles of perfume and lotion fall from Jayme’s desk across from her. She quickly sat up in the bed and almost fell off of it as she felt a shock wave pulse through the room, sending her flying back against the wall.

She yelped, catching herself on the edge of the bed as she fell back down. Before she had the chance to regain her bearings, she felt a presence blink beside her. A pair of small arms wrapped around her frame, gripped her tight, and pulled her through space with a whoosh.

It felt like her body was being stretched like a rubber band through a hole barely the size of a penny. One second she was in a dark bedroom and the next she was in a bright, open room being sat in an armchair. She blinked quickly and glanced over at Five who let her go.

“Wha…?”

“I have to get Ben, I’ll be back!”

Before she could respond, he blinked out of the room and she fell back against the cushion of the chair with a sigh.

Why couldn’t anything go their way?

--

Ransacking the closets felt strange to her.

She knew the person the clothes belonged to most likely no longer existed, but it still felt wrong somehow.

Everyone needed a change of clothes, given the fact that most of them hadn’t changed since they arrived in the new timeline. Sam’s jeans had been hanging on by a thread, too many holes and rips for her to count. The Sparrow sweater she’d been given had loose threads falling around the hem, the sleeves and at the neckline. One wrong move and the whole thing would eventually come unraveled.

At Five’s suggestion, she went through the unlocked rooms to find a closet or suitcase that had clothes her size. It took a couple of tries but eventually she found one with clothes that fit her well enough. She considered hopping in the shower to wash the grime off her body, feeling itchy and sweaty, but she decided against it knowing there were bigger things to worry about at the moment than her hygiene.

She threw on a blouse and some fresh jeans – bell bottoms, of all things – and made her way down to the lobby of Hotel Obsidian where Five had blinked her and the rest of her siblings, plus Ben, to.

She found the rest of them congregating in the lounge overlooking the front room of the hotel and climbed the stairs, meeting the hard gaze of Ben who was freshly dressed along with everyone else. She stood off to the side, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You good, Sam?” Diego asked, leaning against the railing across from where she stood. She offered a stiff nod and nothing else.

Five had briefly explained to her that the Kugelblitz was too strong, too concentrated to be contained in Christopher’s little body. The trembling she felt was the Kugelblitz breaking free, swallowing the mansion whole along with every building in the surrounding area with it. It was back to reaping the universe tenfold, wave after wave emitting from its core and destroying everything in its path even quicker than before they’d trapped it.

So basically, a typical Tuesday.

Unfortunately, Ben’s sister Fei had been stuck in the immediate path of the Kugelblitz’s destruction. Five managed to blink to Ben just in time before the entire mansion was engulfed and for that she was thankful.

Despite his unpleasant attitude, she didn’t want to lose him a second time.

Allison was the first to break the silence.

“How is it that we’re still here but the whole of the universe is going down the cosmic shitter?”

“I don’t know,” said Viktor tiredly from one of the armchairs. “Maybe we’re just the last to get flushed.”

“Wasn’t talking to you,” Allison dismissed, not even glancing in Viktor’s direction.

“Maybe you should be more specific then when you ask a question,” Sam snapped back, returning Allison’s glare. She did not have time for Allison’s pettiness.

“Hey,” Luther interjecting, bringing everyone’s attention to him on the couch. “Where’s Klaus?”

“And Dad,” Sloane added with a frown.

“They’ll be here,” Diego assured them.

“What, did they hit traffic or something?” Ben snarked. Sam saw Diego clench his jaw before looking the other way. “Look people, we’re alive because we’re special, right? We’re the only ones who can save the universe.”

“Question, Ben,” Allison gave Sam a pointed look, who smiled sarcastically back. “Didn’t we just do that and fail miserably?”

Diego pointed towards Ben.

“That’s because his plan was stupid.” He stepped forward, ignoring Ben’s unimpressed look. “I’ve got a better one. We go with the large hard-on particle accelerator. You guys do some science,” he gestures towards Five and Sloane, “and we launch the Kugelblitz into outer space.”

Diego appeared proud of himself and Sam’s nose scrunched up.

“Didn’t think I knew that, did you?”

“It’s hadron,” Ben corrected with a sneer. “Not hard-on, you grade-A moron.”

Sam attempted to tune out their bickering, which eventually turned into an argument spoken in two completely different languages that no one was able to follow. Five had to interject, who seemed to be the only person capable of reigning everyone in.

“The universe is disappearing outside. You can keep rearranging the deck chairs of the Titanic if it makes you feel better,” Sam frowned at the analogy. “But the fact remains that we are too late. It’s over. We failed.”

Her stomach felt like lead and the room was so quiet you could hear a pen drop until everyone jumped into action.

“That’s not true,” Luther shook his head.

“It can’t be over over,” Viktor denied.

“Yeah, Five,” said Diego. “We gotta figure this out, man.”

“Okay,” Five lifted his hands impatiently, his tone suggesting he was about to get incredibly sarcastic. “Let’s take a step back and look at the big picture here. Most of us have spent the last 28 days trying to save the world. What exactly have we accomplished?”

He glanced around the room, eyebrows raised expectantly. No one responded.

“Well,” Luther stumbled before his gaze fell onto Sloane. “We made a few friends along the way!”

“Incorrect,” Five interjected immediately. “We accomplished nothing. We made things worse every single time.”

Sam swallowed and crossed her arms tighter across her chest.

“Look, when I went to the Commission, I had a conversation with my 100-year-old self. You know what future me said?” Five’s eyes connected with everyone in the room, ending with Sam who almost didn’t want to hear what he had to say. “My last words were, ‘Don’t save the world.’ Make of that what you will.”

“So your plan,” Lila began, sounding skeptical. “Is to not have a plan at all?”

“Why not?” Five shrugged, appearing casual yet sounding defeated. “Maybe it’s what the universe needs. I say we embrace the apocalypse and see what’s on the other side.”

“What if it’s nothing?” Sloane asked, shrinking against Luther’s side.

Five’s lips thinned. “Then I suppose it’s been nice knowing you all. If you have anything on your bucket lists, I suggest doing them now.”

The room was silent again as everyone soaked in Five’s words. Then Luther spoke up.

“Well…”

--

Between the knowledge that their days were numbered, the announcement that her brother was engaged to Sloane, and Klaus showing up with their father in tow attempting to change their mind about letting Armageddon commence, she was about ready for a lobotomy.

There was a ceremony and celebration arranged for that evening and everyone aside from their father was invited. Klaus insisted on throwing a bachelor party for Luther after hearing the news, so the boys spent the better part of the afternoon doing whatever it was guys did when preparing for a wedding and apocalypse.

Sam holed herself up in the room she shared with Allison, who thankfully was nowhere to be seen. She passed the time by watching the world fade away outside their window, stare blank and eyes mostly unseeing.

When it came time to get ready for the ceremony itself, everyone had to raid their neighbor’s closets again for appropriate outfits. It took her the better part of an hour to find something even remotely appropriate that would fit her, but eventually she pulled out an emerald green dress with a lace corset that was nice enough for a wedding but plain enough to keep all eyes on the bride.

Not that she expected anyone would be paying much attention to what they wore.

She threw her hair up because she was not of a mindset to do anything very nice with it, and then headed down to the banquet hall to meet everyone else.

--

Watching her brother get married was odd.

And not just because Klaus was the officiator of the marriage, making it more of a dramatized screenplay than anything else.

For one, she’d never pictured any of her siblings getting married. Well, except for Allison. And if they were to get married, she surely didn’t expect to be present for it. As much as she hated to admit it, her siblings were never very close after the death of Ben. She fully anticipated them having their own separate lives, never to intertwine again for any reason.

And two, as happy as she was to see Luther happy, it was hard to stamp down the jarring reminder that the world was crumbling down around them. This time tomorrow, or the next day, or next week, they wouldn’t even exist. Each time her mind wandered and she let herself smile at the joyful grin on her brother’s face, the ominous cloud of reality quickly settled overhead again and the smile was quick to fade as something heavy settled in her gut.

She wasn’t necessarily afraid to die. She’d long accepted the fact that her and her family were destined to live shorter lives than most just because of who they were. And with the inordinate amount of times they’d managed to bring about the apocalypse, death just sort of lost its shock value.

But there was a sadness to it as well. She was only thirty-years-old and there was a lot about life that was left undiscovered to her given her sheltered upbringing. There were plenty of things she wished she’d been able to do. Like skydive. She wasn’t a big fan of heights, or airplanes, or parachutes… but it was certain now that she’d never be able to do it and something about that just infuriated her.

Once the ‘ceremony’ was complete, their group made their way back inside the hotel to one of the ballrooms that had been set up for the post-wedding celebration. Chet, the front desk clerk and bellhop, was standing behind a DJ table at the dance floor playing what sounded like 60s or 70s jazz music and Sam had to chuckle to herself. Everything about the situation was so absurd, but in the best possible way.

Each person in their family seemed adamant to sit at their own separate tables for dinner. Luther and Sloane were already lost in their own newlywed world and clearly no one was of a mind to tolerate that in close proximity.

Ben had been grumbling about the ridiculousness of the situation ever since they all met up prior to the wedding, beginning with him scowling at how Luther was able to actually find a suit that fit him, and his sourness had not lost its potency since then. He yanked a chair out from a table as far from the happy couple as possible, flopping down into the seat with a scowl.

Diego and Lila seemed comfortable at their own table and Sam was certainly not going to interrupt their privacy, not willing to sit through another argument or disgusting lovesick stares. She couldn’t decide which was worse. Instead, she chose to sit next to Five, being that he was one of the more tolerable siblings she had.

Without greeting her, he popped open a bottle of champagne that he’d stolen the moment they entered the room and took a generous sip straight from the bottle. Sam stared at him.

“Aren’t you going to eat something?” she asked, gesturing to the buffet wafting temptingly from behind them. She couldn’t remember the last time she actually saw him eat something of real sustenance.

“Probably not,” he replied, burping after swallowing such a huge gulp of fizzy alcohol.

“Your stomach is completely empty, Five. That alcohol is going to go straight to your head,” she pestered, for once sounding older than him.

Five toasted her. “That’s the idea.”

She licked her lips and sighed, regretting her choice of company. Then again, she’d probably feel less depressed if she had a buzz.

She eventually grabbed herself a plate as Five continued to become more and more inebriated. She found it a bit amusing watching him as she ate. He loosened up when he had a few and if any of them needed to relax a little, it was Five. The more he drank, the less attention he paid on his surroundings and Sam would dilute his bottle of champagne with water every couple of minutes. It got to the point where he was clearly no longer paying attention to the taste, so if it was slightly less fizzy than before then he was none the wiser.

Even if he could drink them under the table as an adult, he still had the body and tolerance of a young teenager. She wanted him to have a good time, not die of alcohol poisoning.

“Have I told you how much I loved you?” Five slurred on his second full-size (diluted) bottle, swaying a bit in his seat. She quirked her lips in a light smirk.

“Not in the last two decades.”

“Well I do,” he pointed at her. “You’re great. Dad treated you so shitty but you di’nt listen to him. Your powers suck but all of our powers suck,” he outstretched his arms with a big grin. “We’re one big sucky, disappointing family! And we ended the world. Us! Hah!”

“Okay,” she gave him a sardonic smile. “I feel much better, thank you.”

“You’re welcome!” he shouted before falling out of his chair.

She snorted and shook her head as he rolled around on the floor, asking himself why he was laying on the ceiling.

“If the world doesn’t end tonight then you’re going to wish it had in the morning.”

She poured her own glass of wine from one of the many bottles scattered about the room and sipped it, eyes scanning the area. Viktor looked upset and Allison was in the midst of marching out of the room. Sam didn’t want to know what happened there. Luther and Sloane were attempting to share food, or at least it looked like Luther was trying to make that happen, but Sloane wasn’t having it. Klaus gave her a boyish grin and overzealous wave as he pranced away from Ben’s table, setting his sharp gaze on Five who’d finally managed to climb back into his seat and was complaining about how his champagne tasted.

She furrowed her brows at Ben’s slouched form, who appeared to be sulking as he poked his full glass. No doubt he’d finished several prior to that moment. She bit the inside of her cheek, made sure no one was paying any attention to her, and stepped towards his table. She placed her half-empty glass of wine on the table next to him and pulled out a chair. His glassy eyes regarded her with a squint.

“You alright there?” she asked with a quirked eyebrow.

Ben looked like he smelled something funny. “Yes, no thanks to you.”

She gave him an offended look. “Me? What did I do?”

“Your family,” he corrected, head rolling from side to side. “You showed up and ruined everything. You really should win an award for biggest colossal fuck-up of the year.”

She pursed her lips but tilted her head, not denying the accusation.

“This is so stupid,” he continued, scowling out into the room. “This is pointless. The world is going to end and they’re planning their Christmas card photos.”

“Maybe they’re just trying to be happy,” she retorted. “There’s nothing wrong with accepting the truth. They’re in love, let them be in love.”

She took a long drink of her wine. Ben made a face and stared at the table. She gazed at him for a moment.

“You told me that you’ve seen love before,” she played with her fingers for a moment before glancing over at Ben. “That you know what it looks like. Did you have someone once? That you loved?”

Ben blinked slowly and she almost wondered if his drunk-addled mind was able to comprehend what she said. He scrunched up his nose, face contorting into an exaggerated thinking expression before he pursed his lips.

“It was Alphonso,” he finally said. He played with his flute of champagne, watching the bubbles travel from the bottom of the glass to the top almost like they were racing. “Before he looked the way you saw, he knew this girl. She was a fan of us I guess, and she’d been hanging around our house with a group of people. Being Alphonso, he had to introduce himself. She told him he was her favorite.”

“That wasn’t… common, I take it?” she hedged.

Bun huffed a humorless laugh.

“He was always the funny guy. He made people laugh – that was his MO. No one ever really wants to be the funny guy,” he squinted up at her. “You get laughed at enough and you realize it’s all you’re good for so you stick with it, but it’s shit. He pretended to be fine with it but he wasn’t. So when a pretty girl comes onto you, suddenly it’s all you can think about.”

She felt a burst of sympathy for the late brother but didn’t express it out loud.

“So they were together, like officially? Even with your family’s…” what was the right word? “Fame?”

“Yeah, something like that. They went on dates, all that couple-y stuff. But Alphonso got the shit end of the stick. The more his powers manifested, the more we trained, the more disfigured he got. Like a side effect. And that was that, really. He changed but she didn’t change with him.”

She furrowed her brows. “So… she ended it? Just like that? Because he looked different?”

He nodded, puckering his lips. “Yep. Life’s a bitch, huh?”

She noticed his face tended to twist and express more under the influence of alcohol. It was a bit funny, not that she would tell him that.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Some people only care about what’s on the outside when really it’s the inside that matters.”

“Yeah well, he was better off without her anyway,” she smiled to herself at the snide comment. It was probably one of the few times she’d actually seen him act like a brother. “He got more confident after that. But I saw what it did to him. He had this look on his face,” his eyes rolled up to meet hers. “The one you get on yours whenever you see me. Like you’re constantly being reminded of what you no longer have and it hurts.”

She swallowed thickly before glancing back down at her hands.

“Yeah,” she agreed, voice hoarse. She cleared her throat. “I know what that feels like.”

Ben hummed, twirling his finger around the rim of the glass. He watched the movement, almost mesmerized, and then blurted out, “I miss my brother.”

She glanced back over at him, taken aback.

He almost seemed surprised by his own admission, but his face eventually settled into something more resolute. More sad.

“I miss all of them,” he told her, lips turning downward. “I know we weren’t the Brady Bunch or anything, not perfect like you. But we were us. And now it’s just… me. Alone.”

She had wondered when the dam was going to burst. She couldn’t understand how he’d managed to seem so unaffected by the death of his siblings. She knew the mask he wore was only a front, that he’d trained himself not to show weakness, to be the best. But he couldn’t have not cared. And maybe he thought he didn’t at first, too wrapped up in the universe trying to swallow them whole, too preoccupied with her own family to notice his was no longer there. But now, once the madness had died down, once he got a moment of reprieve, some time to digest and listen to his own thoughts, suddenly he realized. They were gone.

She reached a hand forward and carefully placed it on his shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Ben.”

His eyes shimmered with unshed tears. He clenched his jaw, steeled his expression, and blinked the tears away. She gave a gentle squeeze on his shoulder and he turned to look at the gesture before slowly moving up to her face.

“I’m sorry it had to end this way. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy,” her thumb rubbed soothing circles against his shoulder. “But you’re not alone. We’re here and we’re not going to leave you. After all,” her lips quirked into a tiny smile, “we’ve got room for one more.”

Ben had a thoughtful look on his face, eyes skimming hers.

“You said I was nothing like him,” he reminded her. She pulled her hand away. “You said I was a disgrace to his memory.”

She felt the guilt well up inside her, forehead creasing. She had to look away.

“You’re right,” she nodded, squeezing her hands together. “I did say that. But I shouldn’t have. It was uncalled for, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” his eyes gleamed up at her, tickling the side of her face as she stared at her own glass. “It’s true that you’re nothing like him. But that’s okay. You’re not supposed to be. You’re just supposed to be you, whoever you want that to be.”

She chewed on her bottom lip, nails digging into her hands before meeting his gaze again. He had his arms crossed, leaning against the edge of the table, expression unreadable but his eyes were red-rimmed. She had a feeling it was mostly due to the champagne.

“I know what it’s like, feeling like you have to appease everyone. Like you have to excel at everything. I grew up with the same father you did,” her smile twisted into something more sardonic. “I could argue that ours might have been worse, but I don’t know. Nothing was ever good enough for him, no matter what we did. No matter what I did. He always wanted me to go that one step further. It’s exhausting chasing after his approval – I know because I always chased after it, always tried, ran marathons for it, and always fell short. Even today, seeing your version of him, it still bothered me that he didn’t care. That he made sure we weren’t his children because he was so disappointed in what we became.”

She sniffed, clearing her throat. “So I get it – wanting to be the best. I know you wish you were Number One,” Ben looked away at this. “I know you think you deserve it, that you had proven you were better than everyone else. I know that you always try to prove you’re better because your father set such unrealistic expectations for you that you feel you have to be the best or it’s not good enough. But you don’t,” she shook her head, watching his face as he took in her words. “You don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be. It’s not his decision to make. It’s yours.”

Ben’s face crumpled into something of a pout and in that moment he looked about ten years younger – like the Ben she remembered.

“I don’t think I know who I want to be,” he murmured, words slurring. She smiled again, this time a bit wider.

“Then welcome to the family, because none of us really do either.”

--

“The twerp seems to have the right idea,” Ben mused a few moments later. She followed her gaze over to Five, who was attempting to shoo Klaus away. His drunk demeanor already seemed to be wearing off slightly – something about Klaus must’ve been sobering him up.

She quirked her lips. “Probably.”

The sound of liquid being poured pulled her attention back to the table. Ben filled her glass back up before lifting his glass to her in a toast. She sighed but relented, clinking their glasses together.

“To the end of the fucking world,” Ben toasted and they downed their champagne.

Sam didn’t bother holding herself back, becoming more and more lax as Ben kept refilling her glass until their bottle ran empty. He stole another from the bar (he almost had to fight Five for it) and they were quick to drain it, too.

Sam wasn’t an alcoholic by any means, but once she got started, it was hard to stop. Alcohol seemed to be the only thing that could successfully shut off the reserved side of her brain – the part that was filled with worry, dread, fear. It made her body feel light, weightless, and after being crushed under a world so heavy and dark the past couple of months, she couldn’t get enough of it.

About half an hour later, Sam found herself attempting to support herself against the buffet as she watched her siblings (very badly) dance while Chet operated a fog machine, of all things. With the added benefit of alcohol, everything managed to be ten times funnier than it would be under normal circumstances. She found herself hunched over in laughter, almost stumbling to the ground more than once as she watched Klaus do the robot with Ben dancing goofily around him.

Ben came to stand (sway) next to her as Klaus dragged anyone into his dance routine that he could. They watched him with equally large smiles on their faces. Even in her drunken stupor, Sam realized how much more at ease Ben was with her and her family. It seemed he just needed a little liquid courage to loosen up.

Ben had another bottle in his hand, which he was drinking directly out of this time, and she watched him for a moment. Her eyes glided over his profile, trailing over his smooth, tanned skin and the small indent where the white scar ran down his cheekbone. His lips were widened in a grin, exposing white teeth. His smile was nice.

She’d always known Ben was handsome, but he’d really grown into his features in this timeline with his sharp jawline and defined collarbones. She felt something warm tingle in her stomach.

“Can I ask you something?” she directed to him. Ben turned to give her a bright smile, delightfully drunk.

“Ask awayyy, blondie.”

“That day when I told you about the Kugelblitz and we were talking about the other Ben… what did you mean when you said he probably felt the same way that I felt about him?”

“Well,” he began, loudly placing the bottle on the table behind them. “If you must know. There’s always been something a little familiar about you,” he wiggled his finger in her direction. “You and your annoying, talkative brother—”

“Klaus?”

“Whatever his name is. I didn’t get it at first because all of you were so irritating, but after hearing about the other Ben and how he was basically a copy of me, it kinda started to make sense. What if that version of Ben is connected to me?” he gestured boisterously towards himself.

She blinked owlishly at him.

“I’m not following…” she held up a hand. “Also you’re a copy of him, technically.”

“You guys being familiar to me… I think the other Ben is the reason for that. ‘Cause you guys were close, right? Maybe I’m just…” he waved his hand around, “Vibing with you.”

“I can’t believe you just said ‘vibing’,” she snorted before considering his words. Her lips curved into a sly smile. “So what you’re saying is, I was right when I said I’m growing on you.”

He rolled his eyes but she continued, moving closer to him teasingly, “You like me. You liiiike me.”

“How is it that you’re both irritating and cute as hell?” he countered, though a grin was beginning to form on his lips.

She pouted a bit, cheeks reddening. “You think I’m cute?”

He smirked. “I have no doubt the other Ben thought so.”

“But you aren’t the other Ben,” she gave him a pleased smile. He leaned in as well until their faces were only a few inches apart.

“And I bet you’re terribly upset by that.”

She pursed her lips and tilted her head, as if deep in thought. “I suppose you’re growing on me, too.”

He hummed, dark eyes flickering down to her lips. Their faces were so close at this point that it was almost impossible not to look. She bit the inside of her cheek. Her stomach was doing flips and turns and before she could figure out how to respond to her own body’s reactions, he leaned forward the rest of the way and pressed his lips to hers.

They were soft, as expected, and pleasantly warm. She couldn’t tell if her body was super cold or on fire, but either way she shivered as she pressed her palm against his chest. He stepped closer, bringing a hand up to cup her jaw as his lips moved against hers. She used her other hand to grip his arm, fingers pressing into the sleeves of his nice shirt.

They closed the rest of the gap between them, chest pressed against chest as he wrapped his free arm around her waist. She felt his fingers press into the dip of her lower back, digits gliding along the curve and slope of her spine. Her heart leapt as she felt the wet press of his tongue against her lips.

She sighed against his mouth and let him lead. He would grip a handful of her dress, tangle his fingers in her hair, lick deep into her mouth and all she could do was take whatever he gave her. Their kiss would break with a soft smack, only to have him come back in stronger, his taste and touch filling her senses until all she knew was Ben, Ben, Ben.

All too soon he pulled back a bit, their lips disconnecting with a string of saliva stretching between their bottom lips. He licked it away, the tip of his tongue flicking against her and she gave a soft moan, high-pitched but quiet. He kissed her again, just a press of lips against lips, before trailing down to her jaw and then her neck, where he pressed another kiss against her pulse.

She pulled away to see his face and he lifted his head to look at her, lips red and swollen and glistening. His breathing was uneven and he looked flushed down to his chest, though the smooth skin disappeared infuriatingly beneath the second button of his shirt so she couldn’t be sure.

She couldn’t resist and stole another kiss from him, wanting to mold herself against him and never let go. He bit her lip as she pulled away and she felt like she was going to jump out of her skin.

She licked her lips and opened her mouth to speak, trying to ignore how hoarse her voice was.

“So,” she croaked. “I’m growing on you a lot apparently.”

He bit his lower lip and gave her a heated stare.

“Well, something’s definitely growing.”

It took a moment for the innuendo to fully register in her brain and when it did her eyes widened. He pursed his lips in an attempt to suppress a giggle but then she pulled one of her hands from around his neck to slap his shoulder, hard enough for it to sting, and the giggles spilled from his lips.

Ignoring the heat on her cheeks, she squinted at him. “Are you this much of a dirty flirt when you’re sober?”

Ben gave her an affronted look nonetheless.

“Moi?” he exclaimed. She cackled, falling against his chest. His mouth was open in shock but he was still smiling. “I’m not the one defiling someone in a public setting. Nudity is not acceptable around your siblings, blondie, didn’t your father teach you that?”

As it turned out, her fingers really were working his shirt open one button at a time. She didn’t even realize she was doing it. She pulled her hands away, flushed down to her neck, and tried to ignore the lean chest she’d managed to expose.

“That’s the farthest thing from what my father would teach, Ben,” she chortled before arching a brow. “Did he teach you that?”

“I’m more self-taught when it comes to those things. Want me to show you?”

He laughed again, nearly crumpling against the buffet table as she gave him another open-mouthed stare.

“What, on God’s green Christian earth, is happening here?” Klaus’s voice interrupted Ben’s full body laughter. She turned to see him gesturing towards the space between them, or lack thereof, and then waving his hands wildly. “Separate, separate! Only one marriage is being consummated tonight!”

He yanked Ben away from her, who was still laughing, and the two of them nearly stumbled to the floor. Klaus ended up giggling at Ben’s clumsiness, which caused Sam to start laughing as well to cover up her embarrassment.

“Outside, you freaks!” Klaus shouted once he managed to right Ben, shooing the two of them towards the door.

She didn’t miss the way Klaus forced her to walk in front while him and Ben trailed behind her. They were draped over one another, probably in order to stand up straight. Sam glanced over her shoulder, eyes trailing downward, and… yep… Ben’s chest was about as red as her cheeks were. It made her feel hot all over and she quickly looked away before loudly asking Klaus where they were going.

He verbally directed her out onto the hotel’s large balcony where the ceremony had taken place earlier. The rest of the family aside from Allison were already sitting against or perched on the edge of the balcony. Sam spotted Sloane in her beautiful white gown cuddled up against Luther with his suit jacket draped over her shoulders and she had to smile to herself.

Somehow, despite all their differences, the two of them still managed to look good together.

“Oh no,” Diego called when the three of them came into view, jostling Lila in his lap. “Why’d you bring him out here?”

She knew without asking that he was referring to Ben and she most certainly was not going to be the one to answer him. She made her way towards Viktor, who gave her a careful half smile, and took a seat next to him after smoothing down her dress.

“C’mon,” Klaus whined. “He’s gotten better, I swear. He was swappin’ spit with our dear sister earlier so he’s practically family.”

“He what now?”

“I’m going to throw up.”

Diego and Five turned to squint at her and she gave them a sheepish wave, still riding her drunken haze just enough to not be completely mortified.

“Did he spike your drink?” Luther spoke up next, giving Sam a careful once over. She huffed a laugh until she realized he was serious.

“No!” She quickly denied and Klaus cackled.

“He’s a changed man,” their lanky brother intoned, pressing a hand to his heart. “C’mon, let the boy stay. He’s done no harm. I’m pretty sure their little escapade was one hundred percent consensual.”

“Klaus, please,” Sam rubbed her forehead. She glanced up between her fingers and caught the smirk Ben tossed her way. She shook her head but give a half-grin. It was so Klaus-and-Ben of them that she couldn’t be perturbed for long, enjoying the familiarity of their banter.

“Sickos,” Five droned, words slurring. “All of you are sickos.”

“Come on, big guy,” Klaus pouted, nudging Ben with his hip until he began to pout, as well. They were a powerful duo.

“Alright, alright,” Luther relented, and Klaus’s eyes lit up. “He can stay.”

“I won’t do it tonight since it’s Luther’s wedding night,” Diego announced, giving Ben a half-hearted glare, “but if I remember this conversation tomorrow, I’m kicking your ass.”

“Deal,” Klaus agreed for Ben, who only look mildly disconcerted by the threat.

The two of them made themselves comfortable on the ground in front of Sam and Viktor, Ben once again flashing a secret grin up at Sam with his glossy eyes. She nudged her foot against his lower back in response before glancing up at the sky.

Clouds of fire and smoke were roaring silently overhead, so thick and so vibrant that she felt as though she could reach forward and dip her finger into it. It was both terrifying and beautiful and she felt something sharp sweep through her gut that was quickly tampered out by the pleasant buzzing in her skull.

Now would have been a good time to go, when she didn’t have the ability to feel it. If only the world could end now, as they were, without fear or anticipation or anger.

“This is all I ever wanted,” said Luther after another moment of silence. “Just all of us together. No fighting or trying to save the world. Just… being in the moment.”

“I’m happy for you, Luther,” Sam told him. She gave him a smile when he turned to face her, seemingly surprised. “I know I haven’t told you and it was wrong of me not to. You’re my brother and I love you. If you’re happy, I’m happy.”

The genuine smile she received in return was reward enough, Luther’s eyes sparkling. “Thanks, Sam. Love you, too.”

She felt someone’s head fall back against her knee and she glanced down at Ben, whose hair was in disarray and falling over his forehead as he glanced up at her. Klaus had their arms winded together, tugging the boy as close to himself as he could. There was a cigarette tucked lazily between Ben’s lips (she was sure Klaus had given it to him), smoke floating up and tickling her nose.

He leaned back further, tucking his head and neck against her thigh, exposing part of her leg from beneath her dress and she flushed at the closeness. He turned to rub his cheek against her knee before pulling the cigarette from his lips so he could press them against her skin instead. She didn’t know how to react or what to say so instead she gave a small, hesitant smile.

He winked before moving his gaze to the sky, still resting back against her legs.

She carefully ran her fingers through his hair before looking back up as well, trying to ignore the painful swelling in her chest. Something about the look on his face was sobering to her, causing the tingling in the base of her skull to fade.

She decided she was going to need to be much, much drunker in order to make it through the rest of the night.

#ben hargreeves imagine #the umbrella academy imagine #ben hargreeves #umbrella academy #umbrella academy imagines

[lemongingerart]

The escape, part 1 till 4.1

THIS POST IS TO COMPLETE ALL CHAPTERS ON TUMBLR! I've shared these chapters of my fanfic in links before, but never the full text. So nothing new to read, alas... (but, I'm working on the publication of arc 2 very soon, I swear 😇)

Summary: The first arc of my Armitage Hux x OC fanfic, working title "shattered ambitions, rebuilt into dreams." or, "chocolate cookies and tarine tea" depending on my mood 🤔💁.

Rating: Explicit. This is the NSFW version (first 2 chapters are SFW). So, Minors, do NOT read or interact. 18+. Family, friends and colleagues, please don't read this. :'-)

Tags & warnings: TRoS fix-it (kind of), Hux!lives, Hux doesn't like Kylo, Not a Redemption Arc, maybe a little bit, shameless OC insert (there are cliches but entertaining ones imo), slow emotional burn, medium sexual burn, Enemies to Enemies With Benefits to Lovers, Hux is a villain with villainous thoughts at first, but let's see what a different environment will do, Choking, Virgin Characters, Masturbation in Shower, and out of the shower too, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Past Child Abuse, Very short suicide mention.

I will add tags as we proceed in the story, please let me know if I forgot one!

From chapter 3 on: mentions of choking, non-consent actions, vague sexual thoughts From chapter 4 on: NSFW - mentions of sex, non-consent plans, masturbation, Hux is a manipulative asshole and a shy coward at the same time. Has shady plans. I love him.

A/N:

Hello there!

I wrote this little fanfic about 2 years ago, to get my very vivid daydreams under control. I wasn't really planning on publishing this, but it feels wrong just to have it catching digital dust on my drive. So recently, I picked it up again and started to flesh out the parts that were still missing. I haven't finished it at all, but at least the first arc is done, so I can update that one on a regular basis!

The initial fic started as smut, but somehow I've written more action scenes than lemons. And worldbuilding. And fluff. And character development. So, this has no genre? There *is* a main plot, but there are filler episodes as well to just explore the character's interactions, or just because I like to add easter eggs to my version of this vast Star Wars universe.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it! And bear with me, English is not my native language. I never thought myself to be a fanfic writer at all, but I sincerely hope this is as entertaining for you as it is for me. Constructive comments are always welcome! I love to hear your thoughts and learn what I can improve!

(Also the first paragraph is kind of heavy, but it's the character's fault I swear!)

Chapter 1 - escape destiny

First Order star destroyer Steadfast , 35 ABY.

Allegiant general Enric Pryde was not a fool. From the moment he and his armada came out of the unknown regions, to reinforce the current First Order military fleet known to the galaxy, he knew. His guidance was needed for the survival of the order. 

He had watched those two immature boys for some time now, seeing how their positions within the First Order had changed. He knew that Ren was the one illegally seizing power and trying to sidestep Hux, just because he could. He saw the rivalry grow, leaving Ren and Hux bickering over the most futile decisions. It was corrupting the order, as the emperor had foreseen. 

After Snoke’s fall, there was no clear vision left, no straight path to victory any more. At least not without him, that is.

He knew his chance to seize command would come soon. Ren was now too occupied with the Jakku girl, and Hux's frustrations towards Ren’s chaotic behaviour grew every time they collided. Pryde was not happy either with the self-proclaimed supreme leader’s decisions, but at least he could use them for his own good. Hux, on the contrary, was barking like a caged Akk dog, bitterly knowing he’ll be the first to fall after his failure at Starkiller base. His misstep on D’Qar, letting the dreadnought Fulminatrix get destroyed, left a second stain on his career as well. 

Pride inwardly smiled. Hux used to be a prodigy, but he lacked experience and was too frustrated with his loss of power, and that caught onto him. And now, it appears he has no backbone to cope with the sticky situation he was in. It was like Hux's late father once mentioned to him, back when their paths crossed in the unknown regions. His son has no spine and is not made for this life. 

Thinking back at that particular conversation, it was actually surprising he lasted this long. 

Lately, Pryde noticed that Hux even stopped stating his concerns to Ren. He seemed beaten, or at least, that was the impression he was trying to make. And Ren, he was growing more and more insane. That boy was even worse to work with, a loose cannon on deck, only kept there by the emperor because he is supposed to be some part of a prophecy. Pryde suspected that the emperor’s plan for Ren would soon become clear to him. He hoped it didn't involve him having to keep answering to that short tempered idiot.

He stopped his trajectory when he arrived at the middle of the bridge, and peered outside through the front view.

It was only a matter of time for him to take over from those two foolish boys playing toy army. And then, nothing would stand in his way to shape the universe to the vision of the one true emperor. Pryde’s own flavor included, of course.

But first, he needed to catch the culprit who got word to the Resistance about Exegol. Although Hux reassured him that his men are trained well and fully indoctrinated with the first order's philosophy, he had his doubts. Lately, rumours reached him about Phasma being the one who had assassinated Hux’ father, Brendol. The fact that Armitage Hux and Phasma had been seen together more frequently, before her demise, was another big red warning sign for him. 

He had decided to keep a close eye on both of them already a while ago. Now, Phasma was eliminated, and the spy continued leaking information. 

He assumed Hux's changed behaviour towards Ren was no coincidence either. He had seen the ginger boy in action before, scheming and working his way up. He was not to be underestimated, and the fact that Ren was taking every actual decisive power out of Hux’s hands, wasn’t going to be digested well by the latter. 

Yes, the leader of the first order's army and former supervisor of Starkiller base was his number one suspect.

The hiss of the bridge's main entrance woke Pride from his speculative thoughts.

A trooper squad approached the Allegiant General, bringing forth a prisoner.  “Sir, we have found another one. As requested, we brought her here”, the first trooper reported. “Ah, the emperor will be pleased", Pryde replied. He turned to another officer standing to the left of him and replied: "Officer Trach, can you prepare the test?” Trach nodded curtly and turned around.

The handcuffed girl looked at Pryde with fierce amber eyes and spilled a waterfall of angry words: “Let me go! I didn’t mean to slice into the system, I was just experimenting! I didn’t do anything wrong, you’ll see! There wasn’t anything interesting to find anyway!”. She slightly heaved from the outburst.

Pryde looked over his shoulder and looked down upon the rather short prisoner. What a... rude chatterbox..., he amusingly thought. Such noise for such a small girl.

“Oh, but you’re not here because you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s because of what you might do in the future,” he responded, his face sporting a wry smile. Trach had joined his flank, and Pryde took the test device from the officer. The two troopers, who were escorting the struggling girl, routinely forced her on her knees, not waiting for Pryde’s orders. One of them took her right arm and pulled up her sleeve. She tried to fight back and snarled: ‘Hey, let me go! You’re hurting me!’ to her assaultants, who were struggling to keep her pinned on her position.

Pryde approached her, pulling back her head by her hair. She groaned, but found the strength to spit straight in his face. The allegiant general backed up, letting out a low growl. He wiped away the spit from his cheek with his gloves. 'You insolent bi-…' he started saying, instantly pushing the test device to the skin of her arm and definitely applying more force than necessary. He kept his distance this time, making sure he wasn't going to be covered in spit a second time. She looked him in his eyes, as if she could strike him down glaring. He chuckled, this was one of the reasons why he didn’t delegate the tests, whenever his schedule permitted it; he liked what was coming next. She was a fiery one, full of life, but not for long. 

He pressed the trigger with force, and enjoyed the way he saw her face flinch. Her eyes went teary and lost focus. Ah, he savoured that feeling of power. “You see, eventually, everyone ends up the same way.” he stated with a sly smile, releasing the trigger and giving back the apparatus to Trach.

The girl fell limp and landed face first on the immaculate deck.

Pryde turned around and went over to the center of bridge, reminiscing about moments like these, when the test subjects started to lose their consciousness. These tests were a great reminder of how he could toy with the lives he overpowered. And power, he craved.

“Report me if the midichlorian test confirms the reported values” he routiniously said. Trach nodded and took the device elsewhere.

At that exact moment, Pryde heard the repulsor doors to the bridge open again. He turned around, seeing his number one suspect and adversary approaching. 

He raised his eyebrow, confused and intrigued by this new turn of events. General Hux was limping, his leg hastily bandaged. Blood was already seeping through his uniform pants, the wound clearly caused by a blaster shot. 

Pryde noticed that the general looked even paler than usual, and somehow he lost some of his annoying pride and charisma. Not that he had much of both left lately. Of course, given the situation, he didn’t expect anything else from that overconfident boy. He always thought he was worthless, only thriving because there used to be a void in the first order’s leading positions. It appears he's not resilient enough to cope with a few setbacks , he mused. As I expected. 

He could admit though that Armitage was smart, smarter than his father, but Pryde had lived longer than him. He saw how the galactic empire had brought order to the galaxy, by ending the clone wars. He saw dozens of people with ambition come and go. The higher their aim, the greater the fall. The emperor saw through them time and time again, together with his counseling. This time, it was Hux’s turn to fall and - finally - his own time to rise.

 'It was a coordinated incursion, allegiant general', Hux recited, his voice trembling either by anger or by fear. Maybe both, Pryde considered, thinking back about his earlier train of thoughts. 'They overpowered the guards and forced me to take them to their ship.' 

Liar , Pryde thought, feeling strangely satisfied. This was it. The opportunity he was waiting for. Hux's half-baked excuse was exactly what he needed; he just presented Pryde with perfect leverage to bring him down . It seems I was right all along, and even if he's not the spy after all, I will make sure everyone believes he was. This is the perfect moment . 

 'I see', Pryde responded dryly.

 'Get me the supreme leader,'' he requested his communication officer. 

That exact same moment, he took the blaster from the nearest trooper and swiftly turned around, shooting Hux right in the stomach. His target’s body immediately flew backwards and landed several meters further, carried by the force of the blast.

The allegiant general was thrilled by the rush of action, but quickly tried to hide it from his subordinates. He still had it in him. He had to play this game to the end…

 'Tell him I found the spy,' he stated to the communication officer. 

A sense of pride and self indulgence overcame him. 'Throw the traitor's body in the trash compactor, where he belongs', he loudly stated, making sure he was heard by the very soldiers Hux had recruited and had overseen their training for decades. 

He eliminated his first rival, now it's time to move onward to the second one, Ren. 

Pryde turned towards the empty void of space, feeling the adrenaline rush slowly fading from his veins.

'Sir, what about the girl?' He heard officer Trach ask. Pryde looked up to him and turned to the side deck. He almost forgot about her. The captive was still on the floor, staring with wide eyes at the place Hux had stood, just half a minute ago. She looked pale, as if she saw a ghost. Heh . He thought. Seems like she lost that boldness already. It only took just one kill for her to witness, just that bit, to silence her. As I expected from a mere civilian.  He replied: 'Lock her up as usual. Until the results are confirmed, we don't know if she can onboard the shuttle’.

What the kriff… What's happening? First I get abducted by some creepy hooded individuals, then I seem to be on some dank first order flagship, and now this bastard forces me down and gives me this shot from a device that looked way too fragging big to be medically responsible… which was shukking painful by the way… and my head is spinning so hard.. .

Miko shortly lost her consciousness from the blood that was quickly pulled from her veins. She didn't feel the smack when her head hit the shiny black durasteel floor, everything went dark for a few seconds. 

When she regained her sight, she saw two black boots turning away from her. A moment later  after the deafening sound of the blood rushing in her ears stopped, she could hear the typical sound of a repulsor steered door opening. She didn’t feel completely conscious yet, but the adrenaline rushed her senses on full alert in no time. Someone had entered the bridge, she assumed, as that old bastard was not paying attention to her any more. 

Good, maybe she could come up with some plan, or at least get a clue of what the frack was going on here. 

She righted her head and turned towards the newcomer. Her whole body was loudly complaining, refusing her to fully lift up her head, so she turned it to the side. She couldn't really understand what they were saying, her ears were still buzzing. But somehow, she could feel the tension rising fast. It was like the atmosphere was getting electrically charged. She saw the older one of the duo, the one that just kriffing harassed her, turn around again, stepping away from the younger one and taking the blaster from the trooper next to him.

W-whoa...wwait! Don't shoot! She tried to yell, but nothing came out. She had tried to reach out with her hand, as if she could stop the grey-haired bastard from shooting the red-haired douchebag, but her body just didn't respond to her commands like it should. 

The officer fully took the shot and his body violently flung back to the bridge's main entrance. 

D-did he just kill another crewmember like it was nothing? I… I knew the  'worst order' had a fragging bad reputation, but... this? 

Miko suddenly felt sick from watching someone die in front of her, even if it was probably someone she hadn’t wanted to get to know better, anyway. She never witnessed something as life-threatening as this before, and wished she never would, again. Her stomach turned. A cold blooded murder, executed by the officer who took interest in her. 

Great .

She heard someone ask a question that probably referred to her presence, but her mind wasn't able to register what exactly was going on. The troopers that had pressed her on her knees, now pulled her on her wobbly feet. She was slowly getting able to move again, but all felt like she was in some kind of bad dream. One took her by the handcuffs, while the other went to drag the lifeless corpse to the trash compactor.

Miko was roughly pulled forward through the hallways of the Steadfast . The two first order troopers were now walking next to her, one on each side. The right one was holding the cuffs tightly. When she looked the other way, she saw the other trooper with two boots in his hands. He was disrespectfully dragging the dead officer forward, like he was sweeping the floor. The trooper to her left scraped his throat and started talking to his comrade: “the trash compactor is closer, let me first throw him in”. The other trooper nodded curtly. She shivered. She knew the First Order was bad news, but this was much worse than she expected. How am I ever going to get out of this frigging hellhole?

I have to come up with a plan , she desperately thought.  She had to try to look around for some way out.

The group turned down another hallway, reaching one of the many trash compactor entrances that existed on the resurgent-class star destroyer. She heard the other trooper sigh. Was this business as usual for them? Or were they affected by this wicked situation as well? She wondered. Their black visors and stiff armor hid their expressions very well, it was impossible to tell.

She felt a lump in her throat, thinking back about what happened on the bridge. Should I have a last look at him? She thought, somehow feeling sorry for the shot down officer. She turned her head and shoulders to catch a glance of him. However, the trooper that was holding her in check, suddenly reacted to her maneuver, and roughly pulled her cuffs towards him.  But instead of pulling her back in line, she lost her balance, falling backwards with a swirl, right onto the lifeless corpse.

Miko froze. 

She was staring right into the empty blueish green eyes of the man that was just shot and killed. 

Her cuffed hands had landed on his chest, and the physical contact with this corpse made her feel like she was going to throw up. She desperately closed her eyes to ignore the sensory overload and felt a cold chill, like a shockwave, go through her. This was how she was going to meet her end too, right? A dead lump, ready to be composted on this stupid war machine. How did this all happen so fast? And - by the fragging stars - why?

Her hands were pulled up once again by the trooper, but she felt so limp, she couldn't find the strength to react. The situation went south so quickly, and there was no escape whatsoever, she hopelessly thought.

She felt movement beneath her, and opened her eyes again, expecting that the other trooper had started pulling the still warm body. But instead, she looked in the exact same blueish green eyes again, staring back at her . 

What the fr-...? 

The presumed-dead officer quickly pulled his hand from beneath her, reaching out to the trooper holding her handcuffs, swiftly grabbing the trooper’s blaster from its holster. He shot the other trooper in the chest, before the blaster was even removed from the holster. The framed trooper turned around in confusion, receiving a shot in the stomach himself. 

In a mere few seconds, Miko found herself on the ground in between two lifeless troopers, a man who was very much supposed to be dead sitting next to her. 

She looked at him in shock, not understanding a bit from what had just happened. 

To her surprise, he looked as confused as she was. The burn from the blast was apparent on his otherwise spotless uniform and she could’ve sworn that he was really absolutely dead just seconds ago. Not that she had any experience with laying on a dead body at all, but still.

“What did you do?!” he half whispered-half shouted her way. 

“What did I do? I witnessed you die back there!” she responded with the same hissing voice. The officer ignored her reaction and started touching the hole in his uniform. “It pierced through the blaster protection, as I feared…" the man frowned. "Why were you present on the bridge?” he sternly demanded. 

Miko felt even more confused and slightly annoyed by his commanding tone. “What do you mean? And I have no idea why I was there! That creep took some painful blood samples from my arm and was going to lock me up, that’s the only thing I know!” She responded, slightly raising her voice. 

He looked at her, one eyebrow raised. “Did he by any chance say anything else?” 

Miko tried to recall the situation, but everything went so quickly and the blood loss made her memories blurry. “Yeah, he said something about some midi-what-the-hell-ian values he was going to check”. She crossed her arms, scanning his face for answers. 

The first order officer stared back at her, nose twitching, as if she had caught some rare disease. He then started rubbing his chest again in slow circles. His hand clenched at the fabric for a fraction, before he quickly stood up and started walking further into the hallway and away from her, his back straight. 

“Hey! Where the frag are you going?” Miko shouted. He didn’t respond, didn't look back at her or slowed down. He acted as if she wasn’t even kriffing there. 

She didn't like this attitude of his at all.

Miko stumbled and almost fell, having trouble standing up with her hands cuffed. But she quickly ran after him and grabbed his arm, hoping to get some response out of him. She didn't like the idea at all, but he was probably her only chance of survival, so she wasn't going to let him get away just like that. 

He suddenly turned and looked back at her with a menacing glare, as if touching him was way off limits. She backed away and forgot about her plan, surprised by his reaction and taken aback by his piercing eyes. Luckily, he paused for a second and looked back and forth, as if he was overthinking the situation.  

He sighed. “Follow me if you want to get out of this ship”, he coldly replied.

Chapter 2 - escape from Steadfast

What’s this? Why am I on the floor? And why is this odd fuzzy hairball staring at me like she had just seen a ghost? And why in the order's name is she on top of me? Hux thought in disdain. He was confused, disoriented and absolutely not comfortable with having someone invading his personal space. 

He tried to clear his mind and focus on the past events. Wasn’t he on the bridge of the Steadfast ? 

Pryde . 

He remembered. 

While his eyes were adjusting to the hallway light, he saw 2 troopers slowly reaching for the girl, unaware of him regaining his consciousness. This was the moment he needed to act on. 

He reached for the nearest trooper's blaster and swiftly shot both soldiers. The girl automatically moved to the side, making way so he could get up on his knees. 

Hux stared at the white armored bodies. What a waste, I had to shoot a total of five troopers in one day, he thought. 

He paused and gulped down the nauseous feeling he got from the turn of events. Not that any of them mattered to him any more.

The girl quickly told him what happened. He cursed inwardly. If what he suspects was true, he was just saved by a force sensitive. Ugh , he absolutely hated the thought of being saved by someone with the likes of Kylo Ren. Apart from his rivalry with the latter, he wasn’t a fan of anything that couldn’t be scientifically explained either. 

It seems that she is not aware of her abilities, though , he noticed. For now, let’s keep it that way. I don’t want to give her any ideas. But why is Pryde picking up force sensitive people? One is already too much! He felt his frustrations rise again, thinking about the self-proclaimed supreme leader and the way he used that Force power to lash out at him physically. He unwillingly touched his neck, remembering his latest encounter with Kylo.

He tried to regain his composure. Let’s evaluate the situation later, she might come in handy right now.

He looked at the two troopers he just shot. My first priority should be a swift escape, which will be much easier as long as I'm presumed dead,   he reasoned. He took the blaster from the floor, started walking and eventually called the girl to follow him. “We should get to the lower hangar, my shuttle is stationed there. I was planning to depart, so it should be fueled up by now” he stated, increasing the pace.  

He suddenly stopped in his tracks. If the girl was the only one leaving a trace, no one will know he’s still alive, even after his escape. That would give him a significant tactical advantage. He should come up with a plan to reach the shuttle without being noticed.

The girl, obviously still confused about the whole situation, walked right into him, giving him a bump in the back. 

“Watch we’re you’re going!” he hissed. She was looking back into his eyes, anger showing in hers. She pointed a finger to his chest, her hands still cuffed.  “You’re hard to keep up with, you’re at least 2 heads bigger than I am, and then you frigging stop out of the blue! What do you expect to happen!” She silently shouted back. 

Hux felt his anger level rise. This whole day had been full of stress and frustration, and this brat was only adding fuel to the fire. She should learn her place, or this is not going to work well, he thought, while grinding his teeth. She bothered him already twice in this short timespan, and with such insolence. 

But he also knew that he didn’t have any better options, and he had manipulated people into serving his purpose in the past. He had to make this work, for his own sake. 

He looked at her with cold stern eyes, then turned his head towards a hallway with an open door, leading to the hangar. “We need to get to my ship and make sure we can take off. We have to get authorization from the control tower first,” he stated.  She sighed, tried to cross her handcuffed arms and replied with a sceptical look: “And how are you going to pull that off?” 

Armitage thought he felt a vein in his brain pop, not used to receiving such answers. He refrained from the urge to verbally lash out to her and forced himself to think about the situation ahead. 

He brought his gloved right hand to his chin. She did have a point. He had to give up his cover, if he wanted to try to convince someone. He could go back to take the trooper’s helmet, call control tower, and hope that the microphone unit would cover up his voice. But using his authorization code was a great risk. Most of the troopers knew him all too well… he implicitly recruited and oversaw training for most of them, after all. He was the image of the army's propaganda. News of his demise had probably already spread, so using anything related to his identity would most certainly ring some alarms. 

His shoulder was pounded upon again, so he looked down with slight resignation. The girl was holding her hands to the side, wanting to put them on her hips, but not able to do so due to the handcuffs. “Leave that to me”, she whispered with a sly smile. 

He pulled one eyebrow up again. “What do you mean?” he responded with a slightly cynical voice. 

“Can you guide me to an access port somewhere?” she smiled enthusiastically. 

Her reaction looked somewhat childish in his eyes, and that really didn’t give him any confidence. But his plan was too risky anyway, so he could at least give her the benefit of the doubt, he considered. 

Hux pointed her to the nearest access point. She sat down on one knee, looking at the port. He was feeling very sceptical about this. How can this girl do anything with that access port? Without a scomp link, she can't even access it, he wondered. He saw her looking over her shoulder, whispering something. She’s not going to do some force magic, right… he thought in disdain, furrowing his brows.

‘PC, you can come out now’, he now heard her  whisper. A tiny droid crawled out of the neck sleeve of her jacket. It had 2 visual sensors and 4 motoric ones, it resembled something animal-like. A small reptilian type of animal, including the bulging eyes and flexible tail. The thing found its way via her arms to the access point, turning to use said tail as the communicator, the scomp link. She whispered instructions to the little droid, before she pulled out a small working pad from her gear. She started scanning the screen with full concentration and started slicing, clearly forgetting his presence.

Hux was intrigued by the droid, he never saw such a small animal-like model. The way it swiftly moved the access point’s turning wheel was peculiar, but most effective. If he was head of the infiltration division, this model would make a great asset. 

If I was still in charge… but that’s all over and done now. He gulped. 

If… only I'm able to get to Ren . The stakes were high, too high for his liking, but he would do anything to make the idiotic force user disappear. 

The droid made a squeaky sound.  The girl turned to Hux again. “All done!” she exclaimed, enthusiastic about her presumed success. He was still sceptical though, her enthusiasm only making him feel less confident. Does she really know what she's doing? She sure doesn't act like it , he wondered. But… if she really achieved changing flight plans and authorizations without notice, she could disable the surveillance cameras as well. She might even be able to diminish the amount of troops in the hangar, too , he reasoned. The longer he was presumed dead, the better. 

He asked her if she could pull that one off, and she responded positively. The droid squeaked, and she focused back on the access port. 

Hux was nervously pacing through the hallway, and although it took her and that droid only two minutes, it felt like eternity. The more dead moments like this, the more chance they could be discovered. 

He felt his heart racing from not being able to do anything, his mind starting to come up with all kinds of worst-case scenarios. He took another swing, and saw her standing up and putting two thumbs up in the air. Good. Urgent time to leave.

 “Okay, let's advance and check if your little trick worked. Walk before me and pull up your hands.” he stated. 

“What? Why?” she responded with a low tone, clearly finding his request suspicious. “I’m going to transfer you as a prisoner to the shuttle”, he explained with a hissing tone. “Oh-okay, I can go with that.” She said with a voice full of doubt. 

As if she had another choice , he thought scornfully.

The droid retreated back into her jacket, its lean form making sure it wasn’t visible from the outside. Hux removed the bandage from his left leg. The bleeding hadn’t entirely stopped, but the white fabric was way too obvious. The black hole on his chest was clearly visible, too.  “Walk closely before me, so they don’t notice the damage on my uniform,” he added, while disposing of the cloth. He took the confiscated blaster and pointed it on her back, coercing her to start walking. 

The duo marched over to the hangar deck. Hux scanned the hangar. Good, it seems the dock was manned with minimum capacity. Maybe her slicing efforts actually had their results.  

Apart from that, he spotted nothing out of the ordinary, which was a good sign. It indicated that the news of his presumed death had not reached the hangar personnel yet. If he was lucky, none of them would think back about this moment or even notice them. They had to move as subtle as possible. 

He slowly picked up the pace, but tried not to go too fast so that he had to limp. The shot wound in his leg was slowly starting to take its toll. They passed a few of the hangar crew members and he sternly nodded to a trooper that saluted him. He hoped none of them would see the sweat on his forehead. Or wonder why he was there and no pilot was with him. It’s been a while since he flew himself, after all. 

They walked on the ramp of the shuttle and he opened the cargo doors. Without looking up, they both stepped inside.

(small bonus doodle because I love awkward situations and they need more attention)

Chapter 2 - escape from Steadfast (II)

Hux closed the shuttle door as fast as possible and let the girl free. He let out a breath. He didn't prefer to be in risky situations at all. Being on the bridge, executing battle strategies was his forte, not actually being in the field. 

He marched to the cockpit, the girl followed in his wake. He swiftly sat down and started to power up his shuttle. “Prepare for a swift jump to lightspeed” he stated, without looking her way. She slowly looked around,  taking in the environment. “O-ok” she absentively answered. 

He paused, wondering how much flight experience she was lacking. 

“Put yourself in that chair”, he pointed out. She quickly sat down and put her hands on her knees. 

She’s clearly not used to space travelling, he mused . A real planetary brat.

The ship's motors started roaring to life. Moments later, the ship took off, and Miko was pressed against the back of the seat. She had a hard time taking in what was happening, but was finally feeling relieved to see the stars. It gave her some hope that this nightmare could be over soon.

Hux turned to her: “we’re going to jump into hyperspace as soon as possible. I’m setting up the hyperdrive, can you give in the coördinates?” he asked her. 

“Where?” she replied, absolutely willing to help to get out of there as fast as possible. 

“at 3h” he responded. 

Who the hell talks in hours? She wondered, reminding herself she picked him up on a military base after all. She sighed and closed her eyes for a second,  in an attempt to find some inner peace.

First, he treats me like kriffing trash, he doesn’t believe I can slice the system, then he drags me into this ship with a fucking blaster pointed at my back, and now I have to know how a shuttle works? This man is giving me grey hairs! She thought instead, frustration starting to grow. 

She found the hyperspace panel and started looking through the pre-filled values. “Anywhere?” she asked, turning back to him. 

“Would you just choose something already?” he shouted back. “Why are you shouting, I can hear you when you talk, sir whatever!” she responded angrily, pressing the confirmation button. If he’s going to treat me like this - again - he’s not going anywhere! She stubbornly thought.

“By the sarlacc pits, they locked on us!” Hux shouted, while the shuttle was violently shaken. Miko closely held onto the chair behind her and momentarily closed her eyes. When the shaking stopped, she remembered his words. “By the sarlacc pits”, who says that anyway? She wondered. This guy is a kriffing relic. A next shake threw her out of her train of thoughts again and made her focus on the present.

  “The coordinates are ready!” Miko called back. Hux pulled the hyperdrive gear, the stars quickly changing into blue lines. 

“Phuh, that was friggin close!” Miko sighed, letting herself fall into the co-pilot’s chair. 

“We’re not out of this yet” Hux said while glaring at her from the side. “Prepare to jump back” he added. 

“But… no! I don’t want to go back! Why should I…” she argued. 

“Just do it already!” he angrily shouted. 

She hesitantly went over to the controls again, but at that exact moment, they were pulled out of hyperspace, reaching their destination. She looked out of the cockpit’s window, staring into empty space. Hux started turning the ship around. 

Right at that time, a squadron of first order TIE-fighters appeared from hyperspace. 

Hux cursed inwardly. The squadron opened fire and hit the shuttle a few times, giving Miko a hard time to stand. Red warning lights blinked on the right control board and if Miko wasn't panicking yet, this would certainly do the trick. The TIE's turned and a second salvo followed. Hux did his best to avoid the little buggers, but he was no trained pilot, unlike their current opponents. 

Their shields held back most of the shots, but some hits got through, making alarms go off all over the shuttle’s cockpit. 

“Wha…. They can jump through hyperspace? And they are tracking us?” Miko whispered, taken aback. 

“Put in some coordinates, now!” Hux shouted towards her. “O-okay!” she whispered in confusion. She quickly pressed the control and entered one of the preprogrammed destinations. The shuttle took another jump to the designated coordinates. While in hyperspace, he turned towards her and stood up straight. He righted his back and looked down to her with a menacing glare. His hair was slightly tossed up from angrily turning back and forth between looking at her and at the navigation panels. 

“Now, listen carefully this time. Once we arrive, jump back to the place we just came from, and then directly jump back to the Steadfast . Once there, we’ll jump again to a random spot, and so on. At least four times. And this time, do it, without hesitation!” He shouted, pointing his finger at her. 

You can’t just throw orders at me like that! She angrily thought, frustration growing and her head getting furiously red. She stood up, trying to face him on a more even level, and replied: 'I'm trying to get out of this hellhole as well, you don't need to shout at me!' She knocked away his hand and turned around. She could feel the frustration radiating from him as well; she could hear him breathe heavily and gritting his teeth. 

Miko took a deep breath and tried to calm down. She did realise he clearly knew more about this tracking mechanism, so her best chance to survive was to listen to that self-righteous idiot.

The moment the shuttle jumped out of hyperspace, they immediately jumped back to their previous location. At her right side, she saw a flash of one of the TIE-fighters landing at their location, just before the next jump was executed. She swiftly gave in the coordinates of the Steadfast’s location. “Ready!” she shouted in Hux's direction.

The third jump took them only seconds, this time no pursuing ship was seen. Another alarm was sounding and she saw Hux gritting his teeth and adding extra pressure on the steering handles. They came out of hyperspace right before the Steadfast. Miko was still entering the next coordinates.  "Hurry up! They've spotted us!", she heard him shout, while she finished the procedure.  "Done!" She exclaimed, at which Hux immediately reacted, initiating the fourth jump. 

The required fifth and sixth jump followed, and to be absolutely certain about losing their pursuers, they did another few. 

The duo arrived somewhere before a nebula, at the edge of the unknown regions. Miko was completely worked up, but the sight before her made all the tension in her body disappear. She was marvelled by the sight of the clustered stars and dusty space clouds. She had never been in outer space, and this was the first time she could actually pay attention to its beauty. For a moment, she forgot that she was in a first order ship together with some easily angered, high-minded and conceited officer. She forgot about the alarm wailing on her right side. 

“We should debate a strategy” she heard from her back, pulling her mind back into reality. Hux sat in the pilot’s seat and turned his gaze towards her. He waved his hair back in shape. He still looked like he was angry at her, but it seemed like he had found his composure again.

He stepped over to her side, checking where the alarm came from. The next thing she heard were his fists landing on the lower control panel. “This is unthinkable! The navigation unit was hit. I can’t access any of the preprogrammed coordinates any more!” he waved his hands out of anger and stepped to the other side. 

“I’ll check it out,” Miko replied quickly, willing to help. She felt a bit guilty for not following his orders. It's because of that, they were in this mess after all. 

She thought she could hear him let out a frustrated growl while he passed the spot she was standing in.

Her droid friend appeared out of her jacket again and crawled over to the data port, looking at the damage as well. Hux sat down and pressed his fingers to his forehead. He let out a long sigh. 

“The board is fried, there’s nothing I can do… it's already a miracle we could perform those last jumps. It must’ve been fried right after." Miko brought her hand to her chin. "Maybe I can check if you have access to the HoloNet on this ship, so I can look for a place to go? We can still use the direct input with coordinates,” she suggested. He didn’t look up. “That’s no option. You’ll give away our position if you do so” he responded.

 “I can put up a proxy…” she started replying, the corners of her mouth curling upwards. Her droid came to sit on her shoulder, ready to help her out. 

“They will still find a trace, trust me. I know what my men are capable of” he interrupted. He absentmindedly scratched his hair.

“From what just happened, I don’t think they’re your men any more...” Miko muttered inwardly.

Hux stood up, gave her a menacing glare, and walked out of the cockpit, leaving her there on her own.  

Great. I can add hard-headed to the list , she sighed.

Hux was losing it. He was just shot twice, left for dead but apparently saved by a naïve girl with authority issues and possibly with force powers. He didn’t know which part was worse. 

Now he was stuck in a shuttle with limited resources, having nowhere to go. He just lost everything he worked, lived and stood for. And there was no way to get it back. The only thing left was his resentment. 

First Ren, and now Pryde. They took everything from him. His life's work went up in smoke, just like Starkiller base.

If there’s anything he was still willing to achieve, it was orchestrating their demise. 

But he was practically powerless now. There wasn’t a way to get into the first order again, wasn't there.... 

He paced around in the small central wardroom, rubbed his face and tried to weigh his options.  Going back to Arkanis and using his family name could work to a certain degree, but even if he could convince the cadets on Arkanis, he had no chance against the both of them. He was the spy after all. Come to think of it, he had made sure the cadets knew how to deal with traitors. A cold shiver ran through his spine, remembering how effective and cruel his orders were towards them. No, Arkanis wasn’t an option. 

He couldn't think of any other option within his connections within the First Order. The chance was too high that they would side with either Ren or Pryde. 

But what other option is left?

Hmm. maybe the enemy of my enemy, can become my ally. If only for getting to Ren and Pryde, I’m willing to switch sides. For now. And when the opportunity presents itself, I’ll take back what’s mine. 

He stood still. If that defected trooper FN-2187 and Dameron were still alive, he might have a chance. He saved their sorry lives after all. But how to find and contact them… and first, how to get out of here...

He sat down at the table in the wardroom and thought about his options. They were stranded and they only had the navigation history of the jumps they just did, before the navigation memory unit was wiped. From what he recalled, none of them were nearby an inhabitable planet. On the other hand, it’s not like he had time to check the surroundings, so maybe they could give it a try and jump back. They have to wait for a few days to use those coordinates anyway, to avoid getting caught. 

The fuzzy hairball came in. Right, I almost forgot about her. He rolled his eyes. He realized he had no idea if there were enough provisions for one, let alone for two people. He should check that first, to be able to estimate if this was the time to get rid of her. 

She stood before him with her arms crossed and started talking: “It seems the hyperdrive got a hit too, PC is looking into it. He said we can’t use it at full speed.” 

He sighed. Another setback . He felt a cold rush climbing up his spine. How did he end up in such a sightless situation? He hated the feeling of not being in control. 

She came to sit down on the bench in front of him, and leaned forward, elbows on the table. “How did they track us through hyperspace and how did we just manage to escape?” she hesitantly asked, looking at his face like he was fishy. 

He sighed again, sat back and started explaining. He had other things to do, but he felt that explaining how superior his research division was, could at least brighten his mood a bit. 

“It's a First Order standard procedure to lock on any hyperspace trace their sensors catch. The fighters do the same.” He leaned forward as well, looking her in the eyes. He made notice on how her amber irises slightly dilated when he locked his gaze on them. Good, I have her full attention .  “We developed active hyperspace tracking, it’s very effective in pursuing targets. But if you travel backwards, you make use of that same path, making your backward jumps nearly untraceable. The technology can do some extrapolations, that’s why we had to jump the whole trip back to the Steadfast and then further on. Once they found out what we were doing, we did more than enough extra jumps to lose them.” He put up a wry smile, self-content his plan worked. It was one of his theories after all, but it wasn't tested before. 

But then he was reminded of his current situation. “Too bad we can’t travel anywhere now”, he grumbled. 

“We can travel to my place if you want?” the girl responded, cocking her head to one side. He looked up, a very sceptical look on his face. ”Your home planet? And how are we supposed to do that? The navigation is fried, did you forget?” he said, clenching his fists under the table. She's definitely not the brightest , he thought, again. He was starting to feel annoyed for the fourth time in a row now. He could feel that the combination of her presence and the recent turn of events were slowly making him lose his otherwise unbreakable self-control. 

She crossed her arms, leaned back and stated: “I know the coordinates by heart”.  

What? Who in the whole galaxy knows coordinates by heart? It’s a 48 long digit code! Hux thought, not believing her one bit.

“Are you serious?” he said, more like a statement. He couldn't take her seriously, and this definitely was not the time nor the place to mess with him.  

“Of course! One should always know how to find their way home!” she happily responded, a smart smile on her face. 

Hah, that’s funny, he thought: “You never left the planet” he dryly stated. 

“S-So what?” she responded, slightly pouting and blushing, probably feeling caught. His assumption was correct, it appeared. But still, knowing such a code by heart? That would be very unlikely.  “Why would you learn such a long code by heart if you’re never even going to use it?” he said, disbelief in his voice.  

“We can use it right now, can’t we?” she immediately countered, leaning her head backwards and starting to raise her voice again. It seems that he was not the only one who wasn't in a good mood around here. Her behaviour wasn't helping Hux to keep his calm at all. 

"Then let's hope you don't make a mistake so we don't crash into a sun, for example." He replied, the tone of his voice increasing. 

"Since the fragging hyperdrive is only working at a fraction of its speed, we don't have to worry about that, right?" she threw back at him, almost shouting.

He sat back again, breathed through his nose and tried to control the rising anger. He let out another exaggerated sigh. This girl was going to make him lose his cool sooner or later. This was worse than staying with Ren in one shuttle.

The little droid tripped from the cockpit onto the girl's seat, eventually settling down on her shoulder. 

The girl broke the loaded silence first and tried to make some progress on the plan. “Okay, suppose if we go there, what are we going to do?” she asked him. “I don’t want to get my people involved in your personal vendetta,” she added. 

How can she know about that? Is it that obvious? Hux wondered, feeling surprised and even more annoyed because he apparently couldn't hide his motives from this girl he had never met before. 

He huffed. 

“I’m planning to turn myself in with the resistance” He stated. “I have valuable information that can bring down the leaders of the first order, in exchange for my immunity.” 

She looked at him, turning one eyebrow up. “And you think they will just let you walk in there?” she responded.  

“I have been providing them with information the last months, and 2 of the resistance's key figures know about my identity. I’ll take my chances if I can get Ren and Pryde to pay.” He said, not able to hide his disdain for both. 

He cursed inwardly. He wasn’t the type to play hero, he usually let other people do the dirty work for him. But now he was practically alone, only this girl was here, but she won’t be of much help anyway. He had to do this on his own, and this was the only plan he could come up with. It could work, but it was risky and he didn’t like it.

“I think I can get us into contact with a resistance faction if we’re at my place” the girl said, holding a finger on her lips and looking back to the cockpit. Her droid was following her movements. “I’ll put in the coordinates!” she said and stood up. 

“Hey, you can’t just decide on your own!” Hux shouted back at her, but she already closed the door to the cockpit. 

This girl was going to be the death of him. 

And how did she lose those handcuffs?

Chapter 3 - escape from the psychopath (I)

Armitage Hux went back to the cockpit, seeing the girl bowing down over the panel, putting in the digits. “Apparently, it’s going to take us 28 hours to get there, due to the hyperdrive malfunction” she mumbled. The little droid was walking over the cockpit’s dashboard, keeping an eye on Hux. 

She turned around, scanning him from head to toe with a questionable look on her face. 

What’s her problem now? He thought, feeling uncomfortable under her gaze. 

“Let me see that wound.” she said, walking straight to him.

He jumped back. No way he was going to let her come that close. 

“I’ll have a look myself!” he hissed. He pulled his uniform straight, as if he could remove the damage by adjusting it, and quickly stepped out of the cockpit, head high to keep up appearances.  He then marched through the wardroom and into the private quarters, locking the door. 

He let out a sigh he didn’t know he was holding,  wondering in the back of his mind what had actually just happened. 

Armitage carefully pulled off his uniform and the blaster-repulsive vest he was wearing underneath. It was pierced, as was expected from such a close shot. He was right to wear it that day; he knew the chance of being shot sooner or later was growing more and more realistic. It was the risk he knew he was taking, by leaking information, after all. 

On his stomach, right where the shot landed, he found new scar tissue, but it was way too shallow for such a blast. So it is true, she somehow stopped the impact from the blast. It must’ve happened that instant Pryde took the shot. But why? At that moment, she could not possibly know that I could get her out of there.  

He was puzzled. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t even know her name. And she looked pretty oblivious from who he was. How that's even possible, he couldn’t understand. 

And it utterly annoyed him.

Hux found 2 bacta patches in the first aid kit and applied them on his chest and upper left leg. The bleeding of his leg was still not entirely stopped and now that the adrenaline wasn’t subduing his pain receptors any more, he started to feel the continuous tingle of the burn. 

His thoughts automatically went back to the moment he regained consciousness in one of the many halls of the Steadfast . Only now, it seemed to seep through how the girl had been way too close to him. Physical contact has always made him cringe and there has been more of said contact than he has had in a very long time. 

All what had happened the last hours on that ship was catastrophic, and it all could be summarised to him losing control.  Losing control over his carefully laid out plan, his precious army and his own body. Feelings of resentment, hate, disgust and spite rose in his chest like a tidal wave.

He rubbed his face, trying to concentrate on the tasks at hand. He hoped the wounds would heal soon with the help of the patches, because he was starting to feel worn out already. He knew his body could take the damage, history proved that already. But he also knew its limits and the effects of blood loss, which were already making him feel light in the head.

He then took one of his spare uniforms from the wardrobe and decided to get back to the wardroom. He had to find out as much as possible about that girl and her home planet. He needed to know in advance what his options were.

Oh, and he should still check the rations.

Did he just flee away when I was trying to help him? Miko was perplexed. His behaviour didn’t really add up to what she observed during their escape. He was so full of himself before, and now he got out of here like he was scared of me helping him out... 

She went to look for the officer, but he locked himself up in what she assumed was the bedroom of the ship. She then started wandering around, to explore the shuttle a bit. 

Great. If that’s the bedroom, there’s only one. She let out a huff. It’s his private shuttle after all. How was she going to get through the next 28 hours?

She heard the door open and saw him step out of the room, wearing an immaculate uniform. He must’ve changed just now, she mused. He’s really keen on his appearance, it seems. What a kriffing self centered jerk. He sat down on the bench again and started tapping his fingers on the table, which slightly worked on her already overworked nerves. 

“What’s your name?” he asked bluntly. 

Oh, we didn’t introduce ourselves yet, that’s right!  

She realised, welcoming the conversation despite his uninviting tone. ‘I’m Miko Ylena, engineer at Tagge Industries, communication division on Utapau Four. So that’s where we’re heading.” She casually swinged her hand to the cockpit, stepped closer and went to sit down, too. PC walked from her shoulder onto the table.

“Hmm… that’s a first order plant, if I recall correctly?” he wondered. 

She replied: “In theory, yes. It’s been a family business and from what I understood, nothing has changed much over the years. First,  there was the empire, now, the first order. There is a garrison stationed to oversee the production, but Henry Tagge’s still waving the scepter. Which is a good thing for us, for now. If we do our jobs well and without too much hassle, we get paid enough to come by.” 

She looked at her gloved hands. She was still wearing part of her working gear. Somehow, someone had overpowered and drugged her on the way back home. She remembered some hooded individuals, but that's all. 

PC walked up to her again, as if the little droid felt her slight distress, and went to sit between her arms.

“We’ll have to lay low so those troops don’t spot me.” Hux said. 

She looked at him, quizzical. Her mind has been working overtime, she was full of nerves and definitely not thinking straight. 

“Why? Is your hair color that rare?” she blurted out, sporting a sly smile while thinking back. He did stand out in the crowd. She remembered that ginger hair as the first thing she had noticed, when she first saw him on the bridge of the Steadfast .

But at that same moment, she already felt bad for saying it. The officer closed his eyes and was audibly biting his teeth after hearing her reaction. Woops. He must’ve misinterpreted me… she realised. It seemed like reacting assertively was a way for her to cope with the stress of the situation, and maybe she shouldn’t have started smiling. It didn't seem to land well with him at all. 

On the other hand, why should she care? It’s not like he had been friendly with her. He ordered her around like she was a subordinate of him, and it was continuously besting her tolerance level towards him. She just wanted to get him out of her life as soon as possible, before one of them did or say something they might regret. 

What did she just say?

“What does my hair color have to do with this at all?”  Hux requested, annoyed. He felt his anger level rising again. “Do you even know who I am?” he added.

“No. Some officer that was shot because he was a traitor?” she casually answered, like it was nothing. She wasn’t looking him in the face, and he could only interpret this as defiance. He started fuming. Seriously? She even works in a first order alleged company and doesn’t know about me?  

“Don’t you know anything about the commanders of the first order?” he questioned with a lower voice. 

“nope, I’m not interested in politics” she replied casually, while she was inspecting her gloves, as if this conversation was of no importance.

What? Not interested in politics? How can she say that with such impudence? 

“Wh… “ he started his rhetoric, but apparently she didn't notice that he was going to reply, and she unintentionally interrupted him: “I never paid attention to those topics in the academy, it’s not like I have any say in it. And it's manipulated shit anyway. It's a former imperial academy after all. ” She crossed her arms and leaned back. “Why do you ask?” she added. 

Hux mind short circuited. “How can you know your planet’s coordinates by heart, but not know who I am?” He was baffled, and she still looked unimpressed. What’s with this girl? 

Under normal circumstances, people were either scared or cautious towards him. At least, for the last 15 years that is. This was a new experience for him and it didn't sit well.

“I’m General Armitage Hux, commander of the First Order army. I lead the training programme of the first order troopers as well as the R&D department. My research team developed technologies such as the active hyperspace tracking you just witnessed. I oversaw the construction of Starkiller base." 

He stopped right there, he wasn’t going to let her know he played a major role in the destruction of the new republic and their pitiful resistance. He needed her to believe he was worth something for the resistance, alive.  

”I was running for Grand Marshall,  becoming the most powerful person in the whole first order,  next to the supreme leader." he stated, pressing his index finger on the table to make his point. He was feeling a bit better hearing himself say those things. Especially after all that had happened these last hours.

She was still looking at him with that sceptical look. She took a breath, then paused for a second. In the meantime, that droid of her climbed back to his usual spot on her shoulder. “Should I be taken aback or just be disgusted?” she replied, crossing her arms. 

What?  

“Either way, do you know what they were planning to do with me?” she interrupted, trying to change the subject. 

Hux was sitting there, not knowing what to do and not really registering her request. How can she just change the subject and react like that? She just keeps addressing me like I’m some unimportant individual that just happened to be on her way… and why ‘disgusted’ anyway? He thought. He was still watching her like he didn’t know what to do with her. 

She broke the silence: “Look, general Hux, I don’t want to have anything to do with this. I never asked to be abducted. I was bored, but not that bored. So I’m going to drop you off at Utapau Four and point you to my connection. From then on, I’m going back to my boring life and you can do whatever the shit you want to.”

This girl is unbelievable, he inwardly sighed.   

“You do realize that you can’t just go back to your old life. The First Order just picked you up from there.” he said with a low voice. She replied angrily: “You mean they abducted me. They stunned me for fuck sake!” 

Why is she always swearing? He was starting to get seriously annoyed yet again. This girl is really going to bring out the worst of me . 

He breathed through his nose and thought back to her initial question, changing the subject back before both of them started shouting again. 

“From what I can deduce, they were testing if you were force sensitive. I have no intel on who requested this test and why it was carried out.” 

Actually, wasn’t he going to keep quiet about this? Again an example on how she's somehow indirectly messing with me , he realized. He cursed inwardly. Why couldn’t he be more of his manipulative self?

Miko responded: “Me? Force sensitive? What a joke! I should at least know by myself, then, right?” she said with a laughing voice. She was now leaning backwards even more, making him wonder if she was going to slide off from the seat soon and fall on the deck. That would teach her from behaving so... uncivilized , he amusingly thought. 

Hux wanted to call her out on her demeanor, just to get all the frustrations out of his system, but he refrained himself from doing so.

“Was a blood monster taken from you recently?” He asked instead.  

The girl looked at her droid, which looked back in return, as if the thing would know better. “Not very recently, a few years ago. It’s standard procedure to see if we don’t get polluted by the iridium.” she mentioned. 

“It’s feasible that those results were picked up by someone within the order.” Hux reasoned. He knew he had approved an order to build an automatic system to upload and interpret blood samples before. About 13 years ago, he himself had the directive to exterminate any force sensitive beings he could discover within the ranks, but that was under Snoke’s reign. This reeked of something different.

 It was highly possible that this system was still operational and reused for other purposes, unbeknownst to him.

“That guy, the one that shot you, acted like he was doing a routine job," she mentioned, “to lock me up for transport, as usual”.” she added, while mimicking the allegiant general.  

Hux shivered unwillingly when hearing Pryde’s reference, sentences full of elaborate insults addressed to the other general already forming up in his head. He subdued the urge to let them all out and tried to concentrate on what really could have been happening.

Hmm… if Pryde’s involved with force users, and Ren never mentioned it in the supreme board meetings, I can assume that Ren is not aware of this with a high probability. Is this some plan from that supposedly resurrected Emperor to use these force sensitives for his own good? Or maybe just kill them to get rid of the competitors? He didn’t like the first scenario one bit. Honestly,  he'd prefer the second one much more and finally get rid of those freaks. 

But first, he had to make sure this particular freak could be put to some good use.

He looked up again, seeing her questioning eyes directed back at him. They seemed almost yellow due to the soft light in the wardroom. They made him feel uncomfortable, as if they were piercing through his image and looking to read his mind. The fact that she was a possible force sensitive, didn’t help at all.

“I have no clue” he lied. 

This information might come in handy, but for now I need to keep her in the dark as much as possible, he mused. 

She didn’t seem to be happy with his answer, but she let it slide.

“What should I do then?” she asked him, as if he was the source of her problems. 

He hadn’t thought about her situation at all, it's not like he cared anyway. But maybe, if she was perceptive to his suggestions, there was something to gain for him as well. She did prove to be a relatively good slicer and that inventive little droid of hers was also on his radar. 

“Since the First Order might still be on the lookout for you, your best option is to disappear or try to join the resistance.” He reasoned. 

“But I can’t just leave my father and friends behind!” She half-shouted. 

“You do realise that if you stay, you’ll just be killed and probably kill them in the process” he coldly reacted. She’s not only stubborn, she’s also short sighted. This is going to be a very long trip, he thought again.   

He stood up and righted his back. 

“I’m going to retreat and take some sleep. We should discuss tactics afterwards.” he concluded. He went to his chambers and closed the door.

Some trivia!

Tagge industries: The Tagge family is a famous family throughout the whole saga (legacy and new), but I made up Henry. He's the only one with a normal name and he's probably the only moderate Tagge family member out there... he's a bit of an outcast 😂

Utapau Four: one of the 9 moons of Utapau. There are moons in canon, but I made up the whole moon's population and geography and so on.

Chapter 3 - escape from the psychopath (II)

Did he just leave me here, just like that?

Miko let out an annoyed sigh. She was exhausted, but the thrill of recent events was still raging through her body. She noticed that she had been reacting very assertively to everything, but then again, it’s not like she was ever abducted, tested upon, jumping through hyperspace and stuck on a ship. 

And accidentally saving the biggest prick in the galaxy in the process. From the grave he had dug for himself, no less.

She started wandering around the wardroom, finding out what was where, thinking which spot could serve best for taking a nap. They still had a long way ahead of them, after all. 

She found weapons, and the pantry as well. She dug through it, took something to eat and lay down on the bench. 

Her droid walked from her shoulder onto her stomach, turned around to watch her and sat down. 

At least the bench was long enough for her to lay straight. Or I am short enough, she mused. 

Back home, she was always the largest of her friends. The inhabitants of Utapau Four were shorter than the average human-like races. They originated from the Arkanian offshoot a very long time ago, bred for mining labor. Due to gravitational differences on the fourth moon of Utapau, before it was completely terraformed, their race evolved this way. She was a bit of an exception though, because of her mother’s genetic material, which was Corellian. 

She stared at the durasteel ceiling. If Utapau Four was no option for her any more, maybe she could travel to Corellia, to see where her mother grew up. Surely she could start a new life there, out of the frigging Worst Order's prying eyes.

Or maybe not. 

She didn’t know much about her mother’s past. The only memories she had, didn’t tell anything about who her mother used to be, before Miko was born. And her father was avoiding the conversation for years now.

I have to ask him one last time, before I leave. Maybe ask him about this crazy abduction as well. Some of his resistance friends might've heard something about it. It’s too suspicious. 

Kriff, am I really going to leave them?

The thought of having to say goodbye to her only family left, felt heavy on her chest. She never left the substitute planet, and maybe now, so suddenly, it was for good. This whole situation was still unreal and unsettling. 

She finally felt the fatigue taking over, having a hard time keeping her eyelids open. 

‘Hey PC, keep an eye on me while I fall asleep, will you?’ She requested her droid with a hoarse voice. The droid hummed positively as a response. She didn’t feel comfortable around that general, so she felt glad having her droid around as a bodyguard. The little droid looked up and then placed itself back on her stomach, while she slowly drifted away.

About 6 hours later.

Why is there trash on the table? Hux wondered. 

He just had given up on taking some rest, the recent incidents haunting his brain and ripping him out of his slumber again and again. 

He just did a few steps outside his cabin, and his blood pressure was already rising to the same agitated level as before he left for a break. 

He went further and opened the pantry, only to find that things were not in their initial place. 

He looked at the girl sleeping on the couch, striking lightning with his eyes. 

How could she make a mess of everything so fast? And not clean it up afterwards? He bristled and started to put everything back into place, his movements harsh. 

When he was done with the cupboard, he placed the jars on the counter to the exact spot they belonged, according to him. 

It took him quite some time, since the compartiment was slightly different from the one in his quarters on the Finalizer. But once everything was back in order, he felt his calm returning. 

If she ever does that again… he started thinking, clenching his hands tight. Stars, why was he so easily provoked?

Right at that moment, he heard giggling from behind his back. He turned around, only to find Miko silently chuckling. Her hair was even messier than before and her eyes were still foggy from napping. Combined with her snickering sounds, it made her look like she was drunk or high. Her little droid was nowhere to be seen. 

He turned his head down and closed his eyes for a minute. 

“Are you mocking me?” he asked with a dangerously low voice. 

“How can you focus on something like that? Aren’t you like - a general - busy with much more important things than how your stuff is put?” she said, obviously finding the whole situation funny, although there was a certain sharp edge to her words. 

Did she just taunt me even more? 

Insolent brat, he thought.

Anger started boiling up again quickly, since he hadn’t entirely calmed down from their encounter before. The girl seemed to cope with stress in a very annoying way. Or maybe she's always like that, he wondered in disdain. 

I should definitely get rid of her as soon as possible, he decided. The fact that she took a ration unbeknownst to him and moreover without permission, wasn’t working in her favor either. 

“Shouldn’t you focus on our escape plan or something, instead of combing your hair?” she added, letting out a snicker and rolling her eyes. 

He did wash up and combed his hair like he usually does when he starts the day cycle. It’s part of my status as an officer in a leading position, how could she just laugh that away?  

He started fuming. He had already realised he couldn’t treat her like a subordinate; his usual set of verbal threats were useless against her. And for a fraction of time, he didn’t know how to handle her. 

The idea only added fuel to the fire.

He suddenly hit both fists on the table before her, too enraged to be surprised by his own reaction. “Do not mock me! You shouldn’t stick your rude nose in someone else’s business!” he shouted, losing his cool but barely even noticing it. If she was a subordinate of him, or any other crewmember part of his flagship, he had her locked away already. And then put her on rehabilitation duty. Let the indoctrination programme prove its success. Such misbehaviour should be dealt with accordingly. But now, he had to use other means to put her in her place. If she wanted to argue, she was going to regret this, he angrily thought.

“I’m stuck in this ship as much as you are, so it’s my business too! You need to get your priorities straight” she shouted back at him. Her facial expression shifted from laughter to rage in a mere second. Her eyes were slightly wet, as if she was on the brink of tears.

Priorities straight? Does she even know what she’s saying? He felt like he was going to explode. 

“And oh, excuse me if I disturb your unreasonable need for order! Why are you even still wearing that uncomfortable uniform, if you haven’t noticed it yet, you’re not a general any more!” she added, volume rising.  

“Shut your mouth, you’re being blatantly foolish! You can’t possibly understand this! You didn’t even have any clue why you were abducted!" he threw back at her, "You were just going to go back to your pitiful old life, like nothing happened!” 

She was going to push him over the edge, make him lose his self-control and she was going to regret it.

Miko stood up and angrily faced him. He was still leaning over the table, so they were able to look straight into each other's eyes. 

“At least I had a life! You seem like you dug a big hole for yourself, that other guy got you hard there! And all you care about now is your appearance. Wake up, there’s no one to impress here!” she ostentatiously swinged her hands around, pointing to the empty space. 

“At least I have an impeccable appearance, you look like you haven’t washed for days, and what’s with those piercings anyway? I’m surprised you’re allowed to walk around with that at Tagge’s department! If it was under my supervision, this wasn’t tolerated!” he yelled, and she immediately yelled back: “It’s what they call style, mister general! But maybe someone of your age is not aware of that!”

“Are you calling me old?” She’s really going too far now, he thought somewhere in the back of his mind, too clouded by rage. His blood kept racing through his veins and each word that came out of her mouth only increased the pressure. 

This argument made no sense at all, the insults they threw at each other were downright pathetic, but he was too far gone and too hyped on the adrenaline of the past events to think clearly.

“Yes. And pale." She added, her face getting red from keeping up the volume with his shouting. "Have you seen any sunlight in the last decade? Lucky your hair stands out a bit, otherwise you’d really be mistaken for a corpse. If we land on my moon, make sure you won’t get sunburnt!” 

Did she really mock my hair? Again? 

Hux snapped. 

He instinctively and viciously reached out to her throat with his right gloved hand. He took her neck in a tight grip, starting to strangle her. The leather of his glove was making a scratching sound from the pressure he applied, which matched his angry breathing. 

He looked down at her reddened face with furious eyes. Her amber tinted irises were starting to change size, her expression going from angry and surprised to alarmed. It gave him cold chills, which provided him with an odd sense of satisfaction, somewhere deep beneath the raging anger.

She frantically grabbed his arm with both her hands and tried to shout, but only a feeble squeak came out. 

Silencing her felt good, very very satisfying, after all the recent tension buildup. This is what she gets from driving me mad, he thought, still so angry with her behaviour towards him. He wasn't sure if and when he would let her go, he was too far gone to think clearly now. 

She started to violently shake his arm and began to writhe with her legs, trying to get some grip so she could get loose. But he was towering over her, too strong and too enraged. 

She was harshly pressed against the backrest of the bench, Hux had stepped aside to discard the table and was now leaning over her. There was no escape from his pressing hand, and he could feel her throat moving, trying to swallow or maybe gag as a reflex to get her airtube clear.

His rough anger turned into a smoldering rage when the fire from her eyes was starting to fade and was turning into a desperate plea. Her leg movement slowed down until they fell limp. He could see her lips moving, begging for her release, but no sound came out. 

And then he felt something else than anger surging through his body. At this very moment he felt in total control. Oh, he missed that feeling. He took in the sensation like an addict finally experiencing the long-denied rush again. He could do literally anything to her, the way she crumbled under his grip. Anything. And the lower part of his body started thinking about doing something to her.

PC came out of nowhere. The tiny droid quickly jumped on his outstretched arm, instantly threatening Hux to give him a power surge.

Hux looked down to the suddenly menacing droid and snapped out of his trance. He abruptly loosened his grip, violently shook the droid from his arm, looked back at Miko with a bewildered look and stumbled back unceremoniously. 

The girl lay scrambled on the bench, touching her violated throat and heaving heavily to catch her breath. She turned to face him with squinted eyes.

Their gaze locked and instantly Hux was hit by a wave of cold sweat, the intensity of the amber made him breathe erratically. 

After a slight hesitation, he quickly turned around and stomped back to his cabin. He shut the door the second he entered. 

What the hell was that? He hastily wondered, trying to control his raging heartbeat. He rubbed his face, removing the sweat from his forehead.

He looked down. This has never happened before. He has always been in control of himself, he never lost his cool like this. He was the one who could drive another person insane, this was the first time it was the other way around. Well, at least after his father was removed. 

And in what way… What had just happened to him? I was always stronger than this. Was I going to murder her, out of rage, or… rape her?

He made sure the door was locked, took a glass of water and drank it down in one shot. He needed to stay inside, cool down, think about this incident and what to do next. 

I need a cold shower.

Chapter 4 - delicious disaster (I)

Miko coughed violently to catch her stolen breath. Her whole body was still shaking from the shock. She hadn't seen that outburst coming, but maybe she was too angered with his delusions of grandeur and stupid misplaced pride that were based on nothing but lies and evil deeds. She was so stressed and angered at him for leaving her out in the dark, it had clouded her mind. She hated how he was nitpicking on stupid details, as if this situation wasn't already hard enough for both of them. But, maybe if she thought this through, she should've known he was a psychopathic maniac. 

She never cared much for physical strength before, never needed it in particular because she was the tallest one at home anyway. Although Utapau Four was under First Order rule, Tagge's influence on the planet made sure she lived in a rather protected bubble. Consequently, she absolutely wasn't prepared for any kind of attack like this. 

She felt lucky she programmed her droid well.

She gently rubbed her sore throat. She could feel where the leather had left its marks. It already started stinging more, the moment she grazed her skin. This was going to bruise ugly.

She gulped. She decided she had to be extra careful with this man. He was definitely more dangerous than she anticipated. Maybe she should look into the armory again, to arm herself with something, anything, just in case. Not that she was able to shoot, but that won't matter if he came close to her. She hoped she wouldn’t hesitate too much.

Miko thought back to the moment he lunged at her and slowly started to feel confused. Something was bothering her, other than the fact that he tried to strangle her to death. His eyes went from pure rage to something else. When PC jumped on his arm, it was like he snapped out of some trance. When he did, he looked bewildered, confused, vulnerable?

But what bothered - scared - her even more, was that short moment before he let go of her neck. His grey-green eyes looked dark, glassy, and simmering hot. 

Kriff. What am I thinking? 

The cold water of the refresher was slowly calming Hux down. He tried to ignore what happened, but he knew the moment he was going to step out of his quarters, the situation was going to be very awkward. He should try to collect his messed up thoughts. 

That outburst reminded him too much about Ren, and he didn't like it one bit. This wasn't him, he should be above this. He has always been a master in self-control, since he's been in charge, up until now. 

And then, there was that other sensation he experienced, slowly creeping up on the skin of his back, giving him hot chills. 

He could feel his groin get itchy again, and turned the knob of the refresher to make the water even colder.

His mind involuntarily started drifting to the past. He hadn’t felt like this for a very long time. It’s not like he was immune to the hormonal reactions of his body, but getting the chance to actually profit from a situation and get his physical needs satisfied… that was another thing. 

There had been a few people he met when networking, trying to get to his money or get access to intel. He wasn’t stupid to give in to their feeble attempts. Fellow officers or even cadets had been trying to use him to get higher up in ranks. He disapproved of this behaviour, finding it utterly pathetic. Climbing up in the ranks and assuming a higher position should be done by knowledge, wits and politics. And, if necessary, by manipulation, but only if done well. Bribery in any form was something he had used as a tactic before, but never to get higher up. It always concurs with a significant backlash. There were always loose ends. 

Apart from that, he never was keen on the thought of having sex with a colleague itself, reminding him too much about what had happened in the past. A bed partner could’ve asked troublesome questions he rather wouldn’t like to answer. He unintentionally rubbed his stomach.

There had been a few times when he thought about getting his way though, unsurprisingly with people that were not part of the First Order. An escort on a diplomatic mission. The citizen that would've given him all, just to stop the military operation. That one feisty prisoner who had no respect for him. 

It seems he wanted to be the one choosing who he wanted to use, not being used himself. He was done with that. 

But eventually the situation never really lended itself for it. Although he made it to general, there was always someone above or beside him he had to report to. And his ambition and the future of the First Order were always a higher priority. 

But right now… he was alone, with a girl, all innocent and naive, on his ship, slowly travelling to possible hostile territory and they only had a few cards to play. He knew there was a significant chance that he wouldn’t survive much longer than a couple of days. 

And… she actually didn’t look that bad, he admitted to himself. She angered him utterly, but apparently that awoke an unexpected gnawing feeling in him. A kind of itch that needs to be stilled, or it would haunt him for the rest of his days. A sensation he tried to hide away for so long, but suddenly had broken free. 

The way her eyes shined like a blazing fire when she was mad at him or enthusiastic about who knows what, automatically popped into his mind. They were as strong as her idiotic will, passionate but also chaotic. All things he should despise, things he always despised in people, but, he didn’t want to admit it, they looked so attractive right now, like something he’s been missing for eternity. He wanted to get a taste of it. 

She was like a fire he wanted to contain just enough not to get it extinguished. 

Oh, and those hips. He suddenly remembered the way she stood in the cockpit, bending over the controls of the ship and checking out the issue on the navigation panel. He didn't feel how his fingernails were leaving marks in his palms.

He was completely lost in these disturbing thoughts, the cold recycled water still slowly streaming over his body. 

This was absolutely not the way he was supposed to be thinking to calm down.

Can I force myself onto her? He wondered. This might be my last chance to get this nonsensical physical need satisfied, without any consequences. There’s no career that I need to uphold this time. I could do whatever I want to her. 

He rubbed his face again, as if that would help him to start thinking straight. 

But is it a wise thing to do? Can I still manipulate her into helping me out on that moon of hers? It was her father she wanted to contact, if I recall correctly? 

Hux stared at the wall of the shower cabin for a few seconds. If that man knows his daughter well, he’ll most likely know something is up. 

He sighed and looked down, the water dripping from his hair, following the indents of his cheekbone, down to his chin then leaving his skin to fall to the sink. 

The risk was too big, and he was feeling like a coward again. But in the back of his mind, he was not sure if he could bring himself to not doing anything. 

He at least had to try, for his own sake, he wanted to convince himself.

Miko decided to camp in the cockpit’s seat. She had taken a blaster from the armory and had positioned it on top of her legs. PC placed himself next to the blaster. She was staring at the stars flashing by. Only a day ago, she loved the view, but now she felt a bit claustrophobic. There was nowhere she could go and hide from that asshole, the cold durasteel hull of the ship was now her confinement. She was disgusted by the First Order general’s assault, even if she probably provoked him. 

She was even more disgusted by what she thought afterwards, but she tried to ignore that particular train of thoughts, not wanting to go there again. 

He still lashed out at her like it was nothing, so he absolutely wasn’t to be trusted. She wouldn’t let him corner her again. She has always been in charge of her own persona and freedom, so in no way she was going to let him come close without her consent.

Am I ever going to grant him that? She couldn't help but wonder. 

Her head absolutely said no, but there was something nagging in the back of her mind. She never met a man like him. A kriffing self centered, merciless, fragging vain asshole, a breathing example of the Worst Order and every norm she despises. But when talking or shouting at him, she felt alive. It was good to get rid of the frustrations of the previous problematic events and if she was honest, in the life she led before; all of her friends back home were either too kind or too scared of her. This man was a challenge, and it was attracting her in every bad way there could be, she secretly admitted to herself. 

But, on the other hand, this probably could've happened with anyone she met outside of her home planet, she realised that much. The things that have occured the previous day, the adrenaline rush, and being locked up in the same cramped space together, probably have been influencing her, too. And then again, she never really met anyone taller than she was, which didn’t help either, but wasn't a particular reason to take an interest in him.

She knew she should stop thinking about things that never should happen anyway, and focus on what was coming ahead. 

What was she going to do? 

She stared into the stars, trying to collect her thoughts, but hopelessly failing.

#star wars fanfic #general hux x oc #armitage hux fanfic #general hux smut #not so much in these first chapters #it's actually more of a slow burn #but with smut

[shizuyotoshisuta333]

!!WARNING!!

Don't read if you are squeamish or don't like extreme gore, violence, and horrific deaths because there's a lot. Also in later chapters there is mention and flashbacks of past abuse.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Siren's Sea and Pirates' Fee

ShizuyoToshitsuki333

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Moon return to the ship and he asks you questions.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sirens in this aren't based on real sirens.

Mine have color changing eyes, elemental crystals and powers, and different forms like humanoid siren and full siren in the water, as well as on land human form and animal form based on the clan you choose.

This is a reader-insert type story, so I will write the reader-insert parts like so:

(y/n):your name (l/n):last name (e/c):eye color (h/c):hair color (h/l):hair length (b/s):bust size(chest size) (c/s):clothes size (n/l):nail length (n/c):nail color (l/c):lip color (b/t):blood type (f/s):favorite smell (f/t):favorite taste(sweet/salty/sour/etc.) (f/c):favorite color (s/f/c):second favorite color, (s/c):skin color (f/e):favorite element(ice/lightning/air/etc.) (e/p/c):element power color(based on your favorite element, fire=red, ice=light blue, water=dark blue, air=white, lightning=yellow, light=orange, dark=purple, metal=gray, earth=green.) (f/j):favorite jewel (f/a):favorite animal (f/f):favorite flower (f/w):favorite weather (f/o):favorite ornaments/accessories (it can be more than one.) (o/p):ornament place(hair/ankle/neck/etc.)(If you have multiple, just imagine where they all are.) (c/l):clothing length (c/c):clothing colors (c/n): clan name (Snake tongue=Snake, Bear claw=Bear, East pacific=Spider, Dragon scale=Dragon, Tiger teeth=Tiger, Bunny tail=Bunny, Frog spots=Frog, Bird feather=Bird, Horseshoe=Horse, Turtle shell=Turtle, Butterfly wings=Butterfly, also feel free to make your own) (c/a): clan animal(based on clan)(f/d)favorite drink (f/a/d): favorite alcoholic drink

Yes, I know it's a long list. But, I wanted to give as much freedom to the reader as possible, and I know this isn't how sirens are, but this is my version of them.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 4: Random questions

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Me and the blue captain board the ship and he leads me to his and Sun's quarters, when he opens the doors we find Sun asleep in his chair, his head leaned back and his mouth open. He shakes his head, walks over to Sun and slings him over his shoulder then tosses him on the left bed. Sun sturs a little but doesn't wake up, instead, he grabs his pillow and cuddles it tightly.

"Why does he always fall asleep on the damned chair, even the one he had before he would fall asleep in it." He grumbles as he returns to the table and sits in the chair Sun was in, "Hmm? I guess t's comfortable." He then crosses his legs and gestures to the chair across from him. I cautiously sit in it while continuing to look around until he clears his throat to catch my attention, "First off the names Captain Moon of the Galaxy Ship."

"So now that we'r away from prying eyes and ears, tell me about yerself." He says and leans his elbows on the table with his chin in his hands.

"You think I'm just gonna give you valuable information without something in return, thought that you were a pirate, not an idiot." I retort with a smirk, there's a glimmer of mischief in his eyes as he chuckles.

"Oh? Well then, what would ya want in exchange?" He asks as he leans back and taps his index finger on the table rhythmically, I take a deep breath and he raises his eyebrow.

“I want to join your crew, I am able to cook and clean, I’m fast on land and in water, I’m good with a sword, I know the seven seas like the back of my hands, and I can make some damn good alcohol.” I state while maintaining eye contact, he scans my face for any signs of lying then sighs, "Fine."

"But, if ye join yer gonna have ta sleep in here because all the beds in the crew quarters are taken." He interjects with a smirk, "That's fine." I agree without a second thought.

"Right, then t's settled." He states and stands from his seat to stand beside me, he notices that I'm still looking ahead and turns my head via my chin to look at him, "Now time to hold yer end of the deal, little star~."

"Just ask me any questions, and I'll answer." I say while looking him in the eyes, we continue to stare into each other's eyes for a moment longer before he drops my chin and returns to his seat, and leans on the table with both elbows, "Alright first question, what are ya?"

"Straight to the point, I see, well I'm a siren, to be more specific I'm a siren from the c/n clan." I answer while looking for an indication of violence from him, instead, he stops leaning on the table and returns upright in the chair.

"A siren ya say, aren't those just a human tale? I mean fish humans with sharp teeth that have a haunting voice, yah right like something that dumb exists." He says with a scoff, "As ye said earlier, I'm a pirate, not an idiot."

My teeth sharpen and my eye turns e/p/c, he doesn't notice my teeth until I open my mouth creepily, "What was that about my race?" I growl.

"Interesting, is that the face ye made to scare those wanna-be thugs?" He asks smugly, I'm taken aback by his demeanor so my eye turns back to e/c and I start laughing, “What’s so funny?”

"You're the first one in a long time to act casual after I've threatened them, the last person…" I trail off sadly.

He senses that it's a sensitive topic so he asks another question, "How do ye have legs?”.

“Humans have made up tales about us for centuries and they’re based on real encounters, but the humans that survive those encounters are only a few and far between each other so details are lost to time and other humans think they’re crazy, also doesn’t help that almost all encounters involve the sea. Very few people know that we can change forms in and out of the water and most of them are either old, dead, labeled as insane, keep it to themselves, friend or family of sirens, or a siren. We have four forms in and out of the water, half-human form which is the full human form on land, full siren form which on land is half siren, half animal, and full animal. Does that answer your question?”.

“Yes I suppose it does.” he chuckles, “Okay next question, ye said something about an animal form, can you elaborate?” he asks.

“Good question, well there are many different types of sirens but they all have those basic forms, each clan has a different animal that they can turn into. You can use your animal form at the age of seven and they only come out for the first time after lots of help from an adult or a traumatic event, I don’t know how many clans there are exactly but I know a few like the Snake tongue, Bear claw, East Pacific, Dragon scale, Tiger teeth, Bunny tail, Frog spots, Bird feather, Horseshoe, Turtle shell, and Butterfly wings.” I continue.

"Why does all of em have an animal in the name except the East Pacific clan?" He asks with a confused expression, "I don't know actually, probably because people would be turned away by a name like spider leg clan." I shrug.

"Ya know I've been called a spider quite a few times myself." He laughs then the look in his eyes darken, a hostile energy radiates off him for a moment then he snaps back to reality and notices my guard is up, "I have a mix of good and bad memories that involve that name, that's all." He responds and clears his throat.

"Question six, ya said that there are many different types of sirens, did ye say that because they can be different animals, or did ya mean something else?" He asks after he recomposes himself, "Interesting deduction, it would be the latter, there are many different types of sirens that are not defined by their clan and animal." I respond, he looks at me like he's waiting for something for a moment.

"Do I have to ask for more details?" He asks with a raised brow, "The answer to your seventh question is, yes." I state with a smirk.

He rolls his eyes and asks his question, "What are the different types of sirens?", "Well, I'm glad you asked!" I say with a sly grin and he scoffs, "There are eight different types of sirens, the seductive siren, like my best friend Rinsuke. Seductive sirens are the only ones with a haunting voice, they can control any human or animal with their voice at will. The shield-scaled siren, their scales are the third toughest material in the world, even bone-eating sirens can't chew through them. Bone-eating sirens have more rows of teeth than any other siren, they have ten rows of teeth, each tooth is strong enough to go through bones like butter and the only things they can't go through are a shield-scaled siren's scales, siren diamonds, and dragon gold. The deep sea siren can survive under high pressure and prefer the dark. The vampire siren drains blood from their prey and is nocturnal, but unlike the human vampire legends, the sun only hurts their eyes and doesn't kill them. The clone siren as Its name states can make illusions that look like it cloned itself and it can send shockwaves through the air and water that makes it seem like the clone is attacking. There are also normal sirens, the basic ones that don't have any other power other than their elemental power. And last but not least the shape-shifting siren, can turn into anything organic or nonorganic but only after reaching maturity."

"Damn that's a lot of sirens. My next question is, what are elemental powers?" He asks, "Elemental powers are powers every siren has, they gain their power at the age of eight and can change their eyes at the age of nine, so to find out what power they have the adults go to the surface and collect jars of fireflies. The kids then take a jar each and try to channel their magic into the jar, whatever color the fireflies lights turn represents what power they have." I answer as the sun starts to set.

Moon notices that the light is draining from the room, "Alright I think that's enough questions for today, we can pick it back up tomorrow evening, for now, ye can use the right bed and I can sleep with Sun in the left." He states as he rises from his chair and makes himself comfortable in the bed with Sun.

I stand and lay down on the bed he offered to me, "Ya not gonna lay under the covers? T's cold tonight and yer gonna get sick if ye don't." He says after sitting up to look at me, "Covers?" I ask, "I don't know what that is, I haven't slept in a bed in over eighteen years." I stare with a blank expression.

He sighs and lifts his hand with said fabric, "This be a cover, t's used to keep yerself warm while ye sleep.", I stand up and raise the blanket and go under it, "Like this? Normally the cleaner fish keep me warm at night."

"Aye, that's how t's used. Wait, cleaner fish? So ye were the one that they were so interested in every night, I was wondering what was under our ship." He states as I drift into a dreamless slumber.

🌙~Pov change~🌙

My head hit the floor with a loud noise, "argh! Fuck'n Sun, ya knocked me out of bed!" I hiss as he lays in a starfish formation on the bed, unaffected.

"Is everything alright?" A sleepy voice mumbles as they sit up, "What was that noise?" They ask while rubbing their eye.

"T's nothing, Sun just sleep kicked me off the bed, just go back to sleep." I grumble while standing and rubbing my head.

"Oh, my older brother used to do that to me. Ya wanna sleep over here?" They ask as they pat the spot next to them, "I don't move in my sleep so don't have to worry about getting ejected from the bed again."

"Are ye sure? I don't want to make ya uncomfortable." I respond while walking to the table, "Yes I'm sure, and you don't make me uncomfortable."

When they said that I was shocked, to say the least, ‘They aren't uncomfortable with me?’ The only thing that has ever not been uncomfortable around me is my brother Sun, even every member of our crew is uncomfortable in my presence.

"Well if ya insist." I state while masking my emotions as I've been since the second day I gained consciousness.

I walk to the right side of my bed and lift the covers enough to slip underneath them, I then turn around and face the wall after I notice that they have already fallen back to sleep.

🔆~Pov change~🔆

I wake up to the sun right in my eyes causing me to groan and sit up, I wipe the artificial drool off my chin and wince at the pounding in my neural circuits from my hangover. I turn my head to look at Moon but instead am greeted by h/c hair cuddled into his chest under the covers and Moon's arm wrapped around Y/n with his face nuzzling the top of their head. My eyes widen at the sight and I stumble to get out of bed, I trip and catch myself at the last second. I hear grumbling as Moon wakes up, he opens his eyes slowly and makes contact with my shocked expression then raises a brow. I point down at Y/n and he looks down, his eyes widen and he sucks in a quick breath causing them to stur, they groan and cuddle deeper into Moon's chest while still asleep. He then blushes and starts to panic, I shush him and gesture for him to calm down. He takes a deep breath to calm himself then looks down at the sleeping creature in his arms and relaxes, I sign to him, *What are they doing here, and why they are in your bed with you*. He responds with a quick version of last night making sure to sign slowly so as not to wake them, I relax when I realize that nothing happened.

'Wait, why am I so relieved that nothing happened between them? I should be disappointed that Moon didn't find someone.' I think to myself, the confusion emanate on my face.

A snap breaks me from my thoughts, I look at Moon as he snaps again and signs, *What's wrong?*. I shake my head and respond by signing, *Nothing, just a hangover*. I walk over to the table and sit in my chair, then I put my arms on the table and lay my head on my arms. I hear sturing again and lift my head upright as Y/n opens their eyes, it takes them a little bit to look up after realizing that they were looking at a shirt, when they make eye contact with Moon they blush and panic causing them to fall off the edge of the bed.

They stand immediately after hitting the floor "I'm okay!", They dust themselves off "Just wasn't expecting to wake up in a chest".

"Ye was cuddling me when I woke up and I couldn't move without waking ya." Moon says as he gets out of bed.

"Sorry if I made you uncomfortable I normally don't move in my sleep, but I also normally have my hands stuck to something like a rock so the currents don't take me." Y/n apologizes while stretching.

After they finish stretching they turn to me, "Hi again Captain Sun."

"Hello." I wave, "Moon said that yer gonna be joining us, but I'm also gonna ask ye some questions."

"I can answer any questions you may have later in the day away from the crew. Until then is there anything that you want, maybe some water?" They ask, noticing my hangover.

"Yeah, It's down in the storage room." I say and point down, "You want some too Captain Moon?"

"Um, yess that'd be lovely~." He hisses as he sits across from Sun, "Okay, be back in a few."

They return with two empty glasses, “Where’s the water?” Me and Moon ask, they walk over to the table and place the glasses in front of us, “Just a moment, I'm about to show you something that I've only shown one person." They state and walk to the window.

⭐~Pov change~⭐

I take a deep breath, "Okay um, don't freak out." I say as I turn to face them.

My eye changes, my ears turn to fins, then the sides of my face and my shoulders grow scales. I close my eyes and concentrate then I hear Sun gasp, I open my eyes and bring the floating bubble of water in the window.

“That’s sea water, t’s too salty to drink. “ Moon states, I pull out a jar and open it, “Where’d ya get that from?” Sun asks.

“From the storage area, I knew that I would need it.” I say as I take out the salt and debris to form their own floating bubbles, I then float the sea salt into the jar and close the lid. “Pink salt is healthier than sea salt because of all the minerals it has that sea salt doesn’t, but I think sea salt is tastier on food.” I state as I rattle the jar, I take the bubble of floating debris and shoot it out of the window and back into the water. I divide the water into two bubbles and float them over to the table, they hover right in front of the two captain’s faces and simultaneously fall into the two glasses with a small splash that gets a drop or two of water on each of their faces.

“Woah, how’d ya do that!?” Sun asks excitedly, “How did ye do that, I didn’t hear anything about that last night, which type of siren has those powers?” Moon asks.

“Any type of siren from any clan can do it, just depends on their family, very few families have this ability.” I state, “Oh.” Moon says, How does it work exactly?” he then asks.

“Well, some families have an extra power or powers. My mom’s side of the family can split apart conjoined molecules like H2O and NaCl aka water and salt, and my dad’s side of the family can make siren diamonds out of stone, they can also absorb siren diamonds to keep them hidden outside their muscles to bring them to the surface of their scales or skin to use as armor or shoot them out their bodies at high speed for projectile weapons. I state.

"What are siren diamonds exactly?" Sun asks with a tilt of his head, "Siren diamonds are clear, sparkling, round, coin-shaped diamonds that are about five centimeters wide and one centimeter thick, they are equal to one thousand gold coins or ten thousand silver coins or a hundred thousand bronze coins and are very rare unless you or someone you know has the ability to make them, they are also the strongest material in the world.” I respond with a smile.

“What’s the other strongest material in the world?” Moon asks, “Dragon gold is the second strongest material and shield siren scales are the third strongest, then there’s bone-eating siren teeth and the next strongest is spider onyx coins then butterfly silver.” I state.

“Okay that’s enough questions, for now, we need to get to work, where are we off to next?” I ask, “We’r goin ta the enchanted forest next, I have some business with someone who lives on one of the three islands. Sun responds, “Alright let's go, off to the enchanted forest!“ I shout as the two captains stand and we all make our way out the door onto the deck.

#daycare attendant moon #fnaf moon #fnaf moondrop #fnaf sun and moon #moon x reader #moondrop #moondrop sb #security breach moondrop #sun and moon fnaf #sundrop and moondrop #moon #daycare attendant sun #fnaf sb #fnaf security breach #fnaf sundrop #fnaf sun #sun #pirate au #Pirate sun #pirate moon #siren reader #sun x reader #sun fnaf #sun x y/n #sundrop fnaf #sundrop #moon fnaf #moon x y/n #fnaf #fnaf au

[tumbleassbitch]

another lost soul (letting my instinct take control) | The Quarry | TravisxLaura

Characters: Laura Kearney, Travis Hackett, The Hackett family Summary: Max dies in the cellar. This changes everything. Chapter 5/? | Chapter 4

It’s been the ass crack of a century since Laura’s had a cup of coffee, and while this one is a little watered down, she sips it like a fine wine.

The old conference room is exactly that: dated furniture and appliances, with a fine coating of dust on every surface that isn’t immediately within reach. The people that used to fill this room are long gone, and all that’s left to stand testament to their memory is the empty space left behind.

A little tray of packet sugars and creams is set in the middle of the table, and Laura grins.

“Thanks, Kaylee,” she says warmly, taking another sip.

The other girl returns the smile easily, placing down a matching mug in front of her uncle before taking a seat.

“For sure!” she says cheerfully. “It isn’t everyday that I get to meet someone new around here. Gotta bribe you somehow.” 

Travis’s coffee goes untouched, and she reckons his jaw is so clenched that he couldn’t open it if he tried. Dark eyes flit around the room before landing on her own.

Kaylee is an absolute sweetheart, Laura decides then and there, and there’s absolutely no family resemblance between the two of them.

When he let her out of the cell, he’d been adamant that Kaylee should go on home to help clean-up dinner at the camp, and they’ll catch up more tomorrow. But she happily kiboshed that proposition, and it was satisfying to watch a man like Travis be so utterly steamrolled.

“C’mon!” she had said, either oblivious or uncaring to her uncle’s inner turmoil. “You never tell me anything about work anymore.”

Now, sitting across from two generations of Hacketts, Laura has to admit that there are a few uncanny similarities in their features. The dark hair and round eyes, both defined with wide, expressive mouths. Whereas Travis bore an almost constant glower, however, Kaylee hasn’t stopped smiling since she got out.

“So,” Kaylee says with a simper, “I didn’t even know you were doing internships!”

Laura watches Travis open his mouth in slow motion, which probably isn’t a good idea.

“Well, unpaid internships, really,” she jumps in with a furtive glance his way. “It’s through the state ecological services, and they’ve stationed me here because there was no room at the other office.”

“Oh,” Kaylee says. “Ecological services?”

“Totally,” Laura says straight from her ass. “I’m studying local wildlife as part of my degree.”

An uneasy expression flits through Kaylee’s fairy-like features, but it quickly smooths into a politely interested look. “Is this related to the bear attacks that have been happenin’ lately?”

“Yes,” Travis says firmly. “Which is why Jess is helping fill in the gaps for the department. Ecology’s been wanting to send some folks out here for a while to get a look at the health of the local population, see if there’s any diseases or things that might make ‘em more vicious. She gets some hands-on experience working with law enforcement, and we get some help with ensuring the community stays safe.”

Kaylee nods slowly, studying her coffee mug intently. “Good to know. I’m glad you’re in town, Jess. Hopefully, we’ll be able to prevent more attacks from happening.”

Travis keeps one hand under the table, steadfastly meeting her eyes, and Laura’s not dumb. He’s waiting for her to give him a reason to blow her brains out.

“Yeah,” Laura nods earnestly.

Ecological services made the most sense because it’s close enough to what she’s studying, and if there’s werewolf attacks, of course people will think it’s the fault of big game. But she didn’t anticipate the potential reaction. If Kaylee freaks and tells her family that the state is looking into it, well, then what?

Exactly, then what? If this was bound to happen at some point anyways, then it might as well be now.

“So, you been to North Kill before?” Kaylee asks with a drawl.

“Oh, um, no. I’m from Canton, but it’s summer break and I just thought it would be a great opportunity to get some more experience. I want to be a vet, you know? And graduate schools are pretty hard to get into for my field.”

Laura continues weaving a story about her academic woes, veterinary hospital work; things that are based in enough truth that it’s painfully easy to drone on. All the while, Kaylee nods enthusiastically, commenting and asking questions where appropriate.

The interest is surprising and a bit disconcerting, but she’d be lying if she said it wasn’t flattering. Laura’s just her weird uncle’s “intern,” and she’s done nothing but talk about herself for the better part of the hour. And yet, Kaylee looks as if she’s hanging off of her every word. Maybe she is. Maybe it’s been a while since she’s had the chance to speak with someone who isn’t from town?

“How… about you?” Laura finally asks. “Did you grow up here?”

“What gave it away?” Kaylee asks good-naturedly. “I’m from North Carolina. That’s where Gammy’s family is from- the Grundy’s. Dad moved there for college and got married soon after. Ma got her M-R-S degree, you know?”

“Oh, that’s sweet!” Laura says earnestly. 

“Yeah. They met at the family reunion.”

“Um,” Laura stutters, and Kaylee barks out a laugh. Travis rolls his eyes, but amusement unmistakably plays at the edges of his lips.

“I’m just kiddin’, sorry. I can’t help it,” she says around a snort. “Dad hates that joke. They met in school. Ma was studying psychology, and dad got a scholarship ‘cos of football and chose to major in business. Didn’t really matter though, since he knew he was going to take over the camp one day, anyways.”

Chris Hackett. Travis could have more than one sibling, but at least she knows who Kaylee’s dad is.

“We moved back right before I started middle school, though Caleb threw a fit. He was just entering high school, you know? He had to start over way more than I did with friends and sports, which honestly I feel sorry for, now that I’m older and done with it. Though dad threw us right back into sports, of course. Track for Caleb, softball for me.” She makes a face at the last part, then smirks. “Uncle T sure got me where I wanted to go in the end, though.”

“Oh?” Laura asks, interest peaked. The amusement that had thawed his permanent frown is long gone, and Travis slouches.

“Uh-huh,” Kaylee says with mirth, absently swirling the coffee with a creamer stick. “I used to, ah, sneak under the bleachers during practices. I hated softball so, so much! Dad was pissed, threatened to tie me to the field after the hundredth time coach ratted me out. But my favorite uncle,” she sing-songs, leaning into Travis who clearly doesn’t want to be here, “convinced my dad to let me join the marching band instead. Even gave me his old trombone.”

“Trombone?” She can’t mask the incredulity in her voice. 

Travis winces. “Kaylee, now’s not the time.”

“But why?” she practically whines, though there’s an obvious sparkle of mischief in her eyes. “It was awesome. You showed me how to march so that by my freshman year, I was the only newbie who knew how to prep step.”

He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who played trombone. Hell, it was impossible to imagine him as anything else than the phantom that keeps her locked away, sharing stories of werewolves and curses. Someone who likes classic rock.

If anything, he’d be the loner kid who would sooner commit arson then be in marching band.

Watching the two of them, it’s obvious how deep the family bonds go. This is the softest she’s ever seen him. There’s a deep level of adoration hidden behind the deep lines and heavy brow, and it’s so clearly returned by his niece. And Kaylee— despite meeting Laura in the most suspicious of circumstances, sitting on the sidelines of tension so thick it could be cut with a knife— is just happily talking and whittling away at her uncle’s hardened exterior, unknowingly spilling all of his soft human underbelly.

It’s because she trusts him, she thinks. Trusts that he’d never expose her to any danger, because he loves her.

It’s this thought that casts a new light on him— the man who’s holding the rope. 

“You’re full of surprises,” Laura says lightly, masking her smile with her mug of coffee.

Kaylee taps the table. “You sure you’ve never been to North Kill before? You look so familiar…”

“No, never,” Laura says with a start. “Maybe you’ve seen me around town…?”

Kaylee shrugs, humming thoughtfully. “Well, if you ever get tired of tagging bears or inspecting jail cells, or whatever else he’s having you do,” she juts a thumb over to Travis, “I can show you the best frozen yogurt place in town. Which isn’t saying much, but you’ll take about anything after spending most your life here.”

You have no idea, she thinks humorlessly. But the offer is sweet, and this alliance is even sweeter. “I’d love to,” she replies honestly. “I think I can see you and I becoming great friends while I’m here.”

The responding grin from Kaylee is blinding. It’s in direct contrast to Travis’ carefully blank eyes. There isn’t much to suggest it, but Laura inherently perceives the threat just as if she were staring at her own reflection. He’s furious. 

And that introduces an old sensation that she’s managed to abandon for the better part of the conversation. Laura clutches her mug tighter to keep from fidgeting.

“Oh! Lemme get something real quick before I go,” Kaylee says with a start, digging into her purse. “Uncle T, could you grab me that stuff from the bottom drawer?”

He freezes, and after Kaylee pauses in her search and looks up expectantly, he nods with a soft exhale through his nose. Sweat beads at Laura’s hairline as Travis slowly stands, casually walking over to the cupboard right near the edge of the table. 

Travis kneels down, opening the cupboard. He’s close enough that if she wanted to, she could reach across and touch him. The gun holstered at his side practically sings. 

‘You can end this.’ The thought slithers in, and the air freezes. ‘Set yourself free and move on with your life.’ 

She could- no, she can. Grab the gun and strongarm herself out the main door. No one has to get hurt, necessarily. Just a little bit of threatening, and she’ll be home free. 

Nothing’s keeping her here; honestly, what’s the point of sticking around? Max was never the vengeful type. If he knew she was on the hunt, on the verge of becoming the very thing she’s been running from for the last six years, he’d be horrified. 

But that was just Max in general. Always quick to forgive, patient and understanding whenever she’d snap or shut down. Sometimes his easy going nature frustrated her beyond belief, feeling like some sort of wild animal in comparison. But that’s also what drew her to him in the first place.

Just let it go, honey, she can imagine him saying. It’s water under the bridge.

There’s nothing left in it for her. Go home, say Max got killed by a bear because she’d be forced into a straightjacket if she told the truth, and just put all of this behind her. 

Just grab the gun, and end it.

‘All of that practice has made you good with guns,’ the voice purrs. ‘You could put a hole in both vermin and rid the world of a little more evil.’

A chill runs down her spine. 

This isn’t right. This isn’t- she wouldn’t think this way. Right? 

Only… she would. Laura Brandt would pull the trigger in a heartbeat.

Everyone knew the name Brandt in her hometown for a reason. Grandpa was a son of a bitch in the ‘50s, notorious for starting bar fights and his short but violent stint with a local biker gang. But dad was the one who made the name famous.

It’s why she tries to circumvent the rumor mill before it has time to start up. Her name never served her any favors, so she cut it off. But when wary glances are illuminated by the backlight of their phones, internet sleuths finding out her family ties… well.

Laura Brandt? Is that Brandt as in, Scott Brandt? 

Shit. If so, that’s rough. Imagine being related to something out of a true crime podcast.

In their eyes, Laura Brandt would go for the gun. But that’s not who she is. She’s Laura Kearney, and tonight, she refuses to be a murderer.

The opportunity passes. Travis straightens, an orange envelope in hand. “Here you go, Kay.” He slaps it on the table before her, ruffling her hair for good measure. The slight smile doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Thanks!” she says lightly, keys in hand. As if she’s finally picked up on the thick tension that's been building over the better part of an hour, she stands. “Well, I think I should be on my way out now. Let you two get back to work, I guess... It’s kinda late.”

“It is,” Travis agrees.

He wastes no time in gesturing Kaylee forward, then Laura, practically pasting himself behind her. The sharp edge of his badge digs into her back, and calloused fingers lightly brush against her wrist, practically itching to put her in handcuffs right then and there. They follow this frog march all the way down the stairs to a nondescript front lobby that looks better suited for a dental office than a police department. 

The front doors are glass, though, and Laura’s breath hitches at the world that’s been hidden from her for days. The soft embers of summer dusk unfurl across the sky, casting scarlet blush through the trees and parking lot. Unremarkable staples of everyday life, like the concrete bumpers and worn road that winds out of sight, newly realized as priceless.

She stops in her tracks, and Travis’s chest bumps against her, becoming flush with her back. He discretely grabs one of her wrists.

“Kaylee?” he asks. She looks over her shoulder questioningly. “Keep this between us, okay? You know how Ma gets, and not a damn person here knows how to keep things under wraps. Don’t worry them with this internship news.”

She bites her lip, nodding once. “‘Course. Um, our family has been around for a while,” she says to Laura, doubtlessly thinking this whole conversation is suspicious. “They don’t really like outsiders, or the government…”

“When are you coming by next?” Laura blurts, and the grip on her wrist ever so slightly tightens.

Kaylee shrugs, leaning back into the door. “Tomorrow was the plan-”

“That might not work,” he interrupts, breath tickling the hairs at her neck. “There’s some scheduling conflicts with ecology, and I’d hate to have you set aside the time just for us to be busy.”

“Don’t listen to him,” Laura says with a wink. “You’re good company, and it’s not like North Kill is an action-packed place.”

“Laura,” Travis mutters, and it’s a wonder if Kaylee can pick up on the warning in his tone.

“You’re good for him. No matter what he says, keep on coming by.” Her voice hitches, and she tries to mask it with a chuckle. “He needs it!”

Kaylee still flushes with a soft glow. “Well, now I’m too flattered to keep away!” she says happily. 

The guilt Laura felt from before triples, but she tampers it down. It has to be this way. It’s fine.

“I gotta go. Have a good night, y’all,” Kaylee tosses over her shoulder, keys ringing in her palm, and the door shuts with a finality that Laura isn’t ready to contend with. They watch in unison as the girl makes her way to an old SUV that stutters to life, disappearing around the bend.

She breaks the silence first. “Did I leave?”

“Shut up.”

“Did I tell her?”

“Shut the fuck up!”

“Travis-”

“No!” He abruptly spins her around and drives her back into the wall. “You don’t get to talk your way out of this. You just downright shit on my advice. You put us both at risk. And using, manipulating my niece like that?” His jaw twitches furiously and he shakes his head. “You’re playing a dangerous fucking game, girl.”

 “Mutually assured destruction,” she replies evenly.

“The fuck?”

“Look what I just did for you,” she says with a mocking lilt. “Neither of us can say anything that will jeopardize this, so you let me out of the cell when she comes by, and I’ll actually be able to conduct my own fucking research.”

For once, he’s actually listening, and she takes the miracle for what it is and keeps pushing.

“In return, you can put me wherever the fuck you want. Give me a computer with child’s access, shut me in a room without windows. I don’t care. I’m asking for three hours, Travis. You get the rest. But I can’t stay in there by myself any longer, I- I need people.” Her voice cracks. “I need to get out of my cage.”

He sucks on his teeth, breaking their locked gaze. “There’s no way that I’m giving you a computer.” If that’s all that he has to offer in terms of a complaint, she pounces on it.

“For now, maybe,” she answers matter-of-factly. “Give me the case files. Let me read what you already know.”

The manner in which he studies her makes her feel like a lab rat about to get cut open and peeled back, all of her fleshy, hidden bits exposed. She’s halfway convinced that he’s going to cuff her and march her back; that, or pull his gun and be done with it. 

“Why?” he asks instead.

She swallows. “No one else should be hurt by this curse.”

“No, why?” he repeats, and there’s desperation in there, something bordering on the limits of a drowning man. “Why didn’t you run?”

It dawns on her, then. Maybe… despite everything, he actually wants to believe her?

“I’m the reason Max is dead,” she admits quietly. “We were going to break up, and I had this… stupid idea that-” she pauses, feeling at once too stupid and young to continue. “Whatever. But I convinced him to come. And now he’s gone, and I’m here, and maybe there’s a point to it all. Maybe I can put something… good back into the world. Try to fill that gap by putting an end to this. And this is me, trying.”

Travis sags backwards, exhaling roughly.

"What was it you said, again?” Laura asks rhetorically. “She's the ‘kindest, most gentle-hearted person in the world,’ right? I’m placing my money on someone like her. Her ‘beloved uncle’ asks her to keep her mouth shut, well, I’m assuming she’s the kind of person to do that."

“She never should’ve been involved in this,” he says. “You have no idea what she’s been through already.”

“Does it end with ‘wolf?’ Because if it does, then she’s already a part of this. And it’s not like you gave me a choice in the first place,” she says heatedly. “You weren’t going to let me out!”

“Yes, I was!” he says urgently, as if he’s trying to convince her. Or himself, more likely. 

He doesn’t give her a chance to argue. “If she does keep her mouth shut, and that’s a big ‘if,’ what’s your plan when the school year starts back up and you’re still here?”

Well, shit. “This’ll be over before then.”

He cocks a brow. “Is that right?”

Six years, Laura. The thought is uncomfortably heavy. He’s been doing this for that long.

He steps closer, chest almost pressing up against her own. “Let’s say it isn’t over, and Miss About-To-Graduate-From-University is still kicking around this dirt patch. Isn’t that going to look a little odd?”

“If this isn’t finished by then,” though it kills her to say out loud, “we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.”

Something in his demeanor shifts, and she belatedly realizes the weight of her own words. 

We. She’s thinking of them as a team. They’ll have to be, at any rate, to get anywhere beyond what he and his family have already discovered.

Travis’ eyes dart down, and he tilts his chin back, pursing his lips in consideration. 

“Get over yourself, old man,”  she says fiercely. God, this whole back-and-forth thing is so stupid. “Just shut up and work with me.”

Despite her words, the corner of his mouth actually twitches up, and he’s almost smiling. Hell, she almost returns it.

Finally, after what feels like a lifetime, he offers a hand. She grips it firmly, beating down the triumph that flits in her ribcage like a sparrow. Rapidly fading daylight dances across the backs of their clasped hands.

“We have a deal,” he says.

#another lost soul #travis hackett #laura kearney #the quarry #the quarry fanfic #the quarry fanfiction #travishackett

[syvlanas-writes]

Chapter 4 - Like a Gladiolus, Resilient

Ignoring the pleas of the raven-haired boy chasing after her, Kazue kept a steady pace ahead. Her ears burned from embarrassment; she couldn’t face Byakuya after her sudden confession. She wasn’t even sure it can be called a confession--she pointed out a feature of his that she admired. Without a doubt, she admired him. His temperament aside, he didn’t have a flaw that was a deterrent for companionship. He was diligent and determined in his training, excellent in his studies, and capable of being charming.

There was a time where she didn’t think about him like this. When they were younger, he was often rash and very competitive with Shihōin Yoruichi. Kazue found herself in the middle of their squabbles many times, sometimes even ending up getting hurt. She felt like she was always in the way, especially when Byakuya used to give half-hearted apologies. At the time, she wondered why her father was often at the Kuchiki Manor and why she was always by his side.

She knew her father was a good friend to Byakuya’s father. In fact, her father was a subordinate of Sojūn’s in the rokubantai. But she didn’t understand why she couldn’t just stay home with her mother. Was it to introduce her to Byakuya so they could get comfortable around each other? Was it her father’s intention to marry her off to Byakuya all this time? Or at the very least have her considered? She wasn’t sure how to feel about it, but she wasn’t angry at her father. After all, it is a common occurrence in noble families. It wasn’t as though she never thought of being a wife; she just has dreams to achieve before that.

A hand covered her left, causing her to turn around. There stood Byakuya, his right hand on his knee, trying to catch his breath. When he realized she hadn’t moved, he let go of her hand, straightening his back.

“Y-You ran… so quickly…” Byakuya was breathless to say the least. Neither realized just how fast and far they had gone. Taking a breath then clearing his throat, Byakuya continued, “Ka-Nomiya-san, would you give me the opportunity to make a response?”

‘Oh no… I’ve made a fool of myself, haven’t I?’ Kazue lamented. With a light blush, she forced herself to look at Byakuya. His long ponytail stuck to the sweat on the back of his neck. Her stomach was in knots, Kazue didn’t think she could bear anything Byakuya had to say. But her mouth betrayed her mind, “You may go ahead, Kuchiki-sama.”

“I must be honest with you, Nomiya-san. I am unsure that I can return a sentiment at the moment. However, I am not saying that I am against your feelings. I simply request to have more time to understand my own feelings.” With a gentle smile, he held out his hand towards Kazue, hoping she would take it.

She wasn’t sure if it was due to embarrassment or exhaustion, but she felt sweat start to build on her brow.

“Yes, of course, Kuchiki-sama. We are not strangers, but more like acquaintances. It would be my pleasure to get to know you more,” Kazue placed her hand in Byakuya’s.

As the seconds went by, she felt a pit in her stomach and an ache began to build. She hadn’t felt like this for years. Her face flushed a light pink color, it was harder to breathe with her chest tightening.

“Well then, pleased to meet you, my name is Kuchiki Byakuya, the future heir to the Kuchiki-ke.”

“The pleasure is mine. My name is Nomiya Kazue, the heir to the Nomiya-ke.” Kazue takes a slight bow, “I am in your care, Kuchiki-sama.”

That bow was a mistake―blood rushed to her head, light-headedness beginning to set in. She hadn’t felt like this for years. She straightened her back, trying to hide how she was feeling.

“Please, call me Byakuya. No need for such formality now.”

“Forgive me, Byakuya-sama. In that case, you may call me Kazue from now on.”

As Kazue took a step closer to Byakuya, her knees buckled. Byakuya quickly wrapped his arms around Kazue, stunned at her sudden collapse.

“Kazue-san, are you all right?” Putting a hand to her forehead, Byakuya almost instantly reeled his hand back. She was burning up; her skin was flushed and sweat formed on her brow. A small pulse of reiatsu began to emit from Kazue. She hadn’t had that just a few minutes ago.

Thoughts raced through Byakuya’s head; he knew he had to act quickly. Pulling Kazue towards him, he gathered her in his arms. One arm went behind her knees and the other held her shoulders close to his body. In a blink of an eye (or two), they were back in the tearoom.

Byakuya placed her down gently, his arms unsteady ever so slightly at the exhaustion of using shunpo.

“Kazue, I will be right back. I’m going to find your father--”

“No, please. No one knows… Something to drink would suffice for now,” Kazue quietly pleaded, her hand tightly gripping the back of his white kosode.

With a sigh, Byakuya turned towards her, gently holding her hands. “Kazue, you must seek medical attention as soon as possible. I can teach you a method to help you.”

Nodding, Kazue allowed Byakuya to turn her hands, so her wrists were facing up.

“Located on the inside of the wrists are vents. They are barely noticeable, but if you can focus your reiryoku down to your wrists, your reiryoku will dissipate.”

Kazue’s skin was peppered with goosebumps as Byakuya rubbed his thumbs in a circular motion on her wrists.

“Take a deep breath and slowly exhale. Focus your reiryoku on inhale and release on exhale.”

Closing her eyes, Kazue took a deep breath through her nose, her lungs expanding as much as they could. After holding for a few seconds, she slowly exhaled through her mouth; as she did, she felt a slight warmth envelop her hands and it was gone almost at once.

The pit that was in her stomach was slowly dissipating and the clamminess in her hands started to go away. With a small smile, Kazue continued to inhale and exhale at a pace. Once Byakuya was confident that Kazue was capable of continuing on her own, he moved away to make a fresh cup of tea.

“Kazue, I can sense your reiryoku has returned to normal. I have prepared a cup of tea for you.”

“Thank you,” a pause, “I appreciate your help, Byakuya.”

Their fingers touched as Kazue was handed the teacup. A light blush appeared on both their faces. Byakuya cleared his throat and moved to sit across from Kazue.

“I suppose you must have questions. Please know that I am not trying to hide anything for my own gain. I did not have the opportunity to talk to my father, and now with our arranged marriage, I’m not sure what will happen,” Kazue explained, absentmindedly rubbing the teacup with her thumbs.

“I planned to take the Shinōreijutsuin entrance exam next spring, but I can assume that wouldn’t be necessary now? That would be a shame. In any case, it must be inappropriate for me to think about attending; I can’t imagine the elders being receptive to my ambitions.”

“I think it’s very admirable to have ambitions, Kazue. If not ambition, then what drives people? I take that you’ll be following your mother’s footsteps? She’s in the yonbantai, yes?” Byakuya replied, intently listening to Kazue.

“My, my, are you assuming I wouldn’t follow in my father's footsteps? You wouldn’t happen to believe that I don’t possess any combat skills?” Kazue slyly replied before laughing at Byakuya’s stunned face. Byakuya stuttered as Kazue continued to laugh.

“I’m sorry, Byakuya. I couldn’t resist!” Kazue apologized in between laughs. Byakuya defiantly crossed his arms with a slight pout. Having both Kazue and Yoruichi in his life will be the death of him.

Kazue composed herself and apologized again. They spent the next hour learning about each other. Kazue had reluctantly admitted that calligraphy was a weakness of hers; Byakuya offered to help her since it’s his strong suit. Byakuya also learned that Kazue has an older brother, but he’s rarely seen as he is very frail. It was another motivator for Kazue to attend the Shinōreijutsuin.

Before Byakuya was able to continue explaining his clan’s history, the shoji screen door opened, startling the two teens. Kazue’s father had a small smile before turning into a look of sad regret.

“My deepest apologies, but it is time for us to go home,” Mamoru bowed, “I hope I did not interrupt such an engaging conversation.”

Kazue stood and bowed to Byakuya. “Thank you for your time, Byakuya. I do hope we can continue another time.”

Byakuya returned the gesture, “Yes, of course. It was a pleasure. Until then.”

Walking behind her father, Kazue stopped for a moment and waved good-bye with a big, toothy smile. It was at that moment that Byakuya thought that maybe, just maybe, Kazue might be the death of him after all.

[<- prev] [home] [next ->]

#.syv writes bleach #.syv writes ✍🏽 #byakuya/oc #byakuya x oc #kuchiki byakuya