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jiminrings · 4 years

Note

yES vball coach jk pls about their first fight as a couple?? maybe??

mvp: first fight

pairing: jungkook x y/n

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: jungkook is more on the oblivious sLASH insensitive side, y/n’s outlet is hurling volleyballs against the wall, and yoongi just wants to cheer everyone up with his mascot suit :D

notes: another coach koo drabble because i am unhinged <3

read mvp, the piece that started off y/n and koo!! + in which jungkook is extra clingy

you’re rEALLY used to jungkook being affectionate and clingy

no surprise really

he’s practically attached to you by the hip atleast in four out of the seven days in the week

but there’s something

just sOmething different with the way he’s hugging you from behind right now

and the trail of kisses from your shoulder to your jaw is gentle and nOt playful

almost as if he’s done something wrong and he’s making up for it

aha

....... aha ........?

“did you accidentally drop one of my succulents more than a hundred feet down again?”

jungkook doesn’t even tense up at that and you take it as a signal that he didn’t

gOOD because you are running out of lil succulents and jimin’s running out of name ideas for the lil guys

your boyfriend only huffs and frowns because for the last time he did not sabotage mr. prick !!! he was in the balcony holding him out in the sun when a giAnt dove suddenly flew to him and that’s when he panicked

“did you eat jimin’s special pasta and you’re now asking me for immunity?”

“no but thank you for letting me know”

ok that’s it

you break free from his back hug and face jungkook with an inquiring look and he shrinks at the thought of what he’s gonna say next

“then tell me what’s going on, koo.”

“it’s- uhm,” jungkook turns you around again and rests his chin on your shoulder because he’d rather not see your reaction

he knows you’re probably gonna give him the most pleading puppy dog eyes and maybe he’d cave right then and there with nO questions asked

“you know our date by the end of this week?”

“yeah!! oh my god i’m sO excited-“ you immediately gush because actually things have been so busy for the both of you and this is the perfect chance for relieving stress bUt-

“oh.”

“have to drive upstate for this workshop for coaches, baby. it’s something new for us before the season starts and uH well it’s gonna last for three days.,.,.”

three days

that’s cool :D

the season is about to start and so the pressure is on if your team could make this a back-to-back win :D

of course practice is hArd as it should be just so everyone’s on their toes as skilled and as in shape one could be

the heat is SIZZLING in this kitchen

there’s no time for slacking around

frankly, date night fell onto one of the only days that there’s gonna be a break in your team’s schedule :)))

not that it mATTERS or anything like that

you’re also pressured because your comeback after ur iconic injury that was televised made you even mOre highly-anticipated

you’re gonna bREAK one of these days ur very sure of it

“it’s okay, jungkook. it’s out of my reach anyways :))”

uGh what did he do to deserve such a precious understanding thing like you are

you’ve guess you gotten a tad bit better in your acting skills then because your boyfriend doesn’t suspect a single tHing

all ur monitoring and taehyung forcing you to watch and critique him as he practices for his auditions is paying off!!

“tae i think we both know that i’m nOt qualified to give you acting pointers!!”

“which is eXACTLY my point!! that’s why i called up my most clueless and unwilling friend ever!!! because if it’s good enough for a no-brained then it would be the bEST for people with-...”

“ok that was rude :((“

he kissed your cheek as an apology and promised to dine out with you for honey-glazed chicken and sUddenly you’re not plotting to hit tae with a volleyball to the head “accidentally” during practice tomorrow <3

but unlike taehyung, jungkook can’t fix it up with a single kiss to the cheek

you can’t help but feel upset ok it’s in your nature!!

your momentum’s deflated and the little itty bitty hope that you and jungkook can be there for each other is now cRUSHED

“i’ll miss you.”

jungkook’s heart whooshes at the feeling of you hugging him just sO dearly that he’s very tempted to just ditch this

him hugging you back with the same intesity doesn’t make it better because rn you’re mumbling to his chest

“i’ll miss you mORE :((“

ok even jimin’s gonna miss kook

his heart also goes out for you because he knows you’re beyond stressed with your comeback and all that

jimin saw you eating cereal one morning when kook wasn’t by your side because he was over at his oWN apartment

can u believe it,,, jungkook having his own apartment yet mOST of the time he stays over and even eats jimin’s stock of cold marshmallows by the fridge <3

anyways u were eating cereal and then suddenly jimin was practically alerted awake when you mumbled out of nowhere

“do you think i could serve a float as good as this cereal does?”

that was clearly a red flag that you ventured too far out into your spiral of worry because fIRST of all

yeah you do love volleyball of course!!!

but often it’s nice that not every second you spend revolves around it y’know

if your practice is done and your games are over that’s it nO more talking about volleyball pls

you could manage with the occasional praising for each other’s play over meals and rides and all that

but you don’t want anything more because it’s just can we please talk about things other than volleyball PLEASE

at the start you thought it would be difficult because well :D you are living with your best friend that happens to be your assistant coach :D

but surprisingly it was easy!! jimin shared those exact same thoughts and your flow of conversation (that doesn’t include your athleticism nor profession) is endless at this point

even became easier because now your boyfriend is the coach and he’s practically living with you

that startled jimin because you hATE talking about volleyball so early in the morning and especially over breakfast

but here you were...

talking about your damn floats just from looking in too much at your cereal

“hey, it’s okay!! we’ll get you through these three days just fine!!”

jimin hugs you as soon as jungkook takes off because he can’t have you dwelling and moping now can he

you’re just mumbling in defenseless against his chest because you obviOusly can’t do anything about it

you were tempted to pluck out his wallet just so he’d get back for it but jimin was looking at you from across the room

you were at the planning stage and jimin’s aLREADY at the scolding stage

three days!!! just three ridiculously-pressured, nerve-wracking, mind-boggling days!!

how hard could it be??

aha

spoiler alert: it is immensely hard :D

you’re so nervous and jittery to the point yoongi was concerned with how much coffee you drank and that’s coming from hIM

then you told him you drank none and you swear he ceased functioning after that

jimin had to drag you out every twenty minutes because either you were being too gentle or being too harsh that he winces himself when you spike tOO hard

and that could only mean one thing

you’re on spiral number two

which means you are nOw inseparable from volleyball

by day two you were no longer moping about jungkook’s absence and his inherent ability to calm you down

no you are even bArely thinking about him :D

you now breathe speak exhale volleyball

y/n’s monster rage play kept appearing even when you’re just against the players in your own team and now they r getting cranky little by little

they serve and then you sLAM

jimin had to call out a break for you forcibly and even used his official I’m The Coach Don’t Complain voice on you that you hate :((

“now you’re getting TOO much into playing!!”

“i don’t get what you mean, minnie!! i’m perfectly fine!! hey, wanna split the shipping fee? i added these new sports bras and shorts to my cart, you should totally add what you want to my cart so tHAT way i won’t have to pay so much and-...”

okay time-out that’s cLEARLY a time-out for you

you’re now way too much into your thoughts and that calls for a group hug

you just need a distraction, that’s all!!

jimin had to drag you over so that the both of you could go a few floors down to yoongi and tae’s apartment for move night

and there’s them giving you the reigns because well you just wanted to feel like you have control aNd that you’re not completely losing it aha

taehyung gives the best sitting cuddles as he’s at the far-end of the couch and he’s perfectly drooped for you to feel secure

jungkook nORMALLY would be annoyed when tae gets a little too cuddly but aight it’s cool no worries!! he’s just... standing in for a pillow

speaking of jungkook

well to be honest he’s doing good!! yes he does miss you but not to the degree that yOU do because well he’s just oblivious like that

there were some drills that the coaches were the ones that needed to be the players and well :D let’s just say he killed that part tOO good

for the first time after a long time, jungkook took down notes

n o t e s

wow he’s going so far he really is a coach

he also got to reconnect with some of his friend and not to brag but maybe he IS the blueprint for being the player to the coach lol

there was a no-phones rule and he could only call you on his lunch breaks and when he’s about to sleep or when the bathrooms are all empty

“can’t wait to see you tomorrow, koo :((“

“why did you miss mE?? :D”

he’s still as insufferable as ever even when he’s in a different state and you’d have to keep your chuckles down or else jimin’s gonna confiscate your phone

there’s some raining in jungkook’s background and you wonder why it was sO heavy

aha actually kook had to go outside because signal wasn’t exactly the best inside hence the louder patter

not to be that cheesy but talking to him just relieves you of your stress and it makes you pout because okay you’ll see him tOmorrow!!

“more than you know.”

cool

there’s uh

there’s a tiny hitch

well jungkook was supposed to come tonight and well he ISN’T here

you’ve tried calling him and even got yoongi help you out by texting him and jungkook doesn’t even dare to try and ignore his hyung’s texts

now you’re in panic because wHY exactly didn’t he come home??

and there’s all these worst-case scenarios running through your head but that’s when he sends you a text late in the morning that woke you up

“sorry!! the organizers needed me to stay late. i’ll see you tomorrow :))”

that wasn’t exactly right

and uH jungkook wasn’t exactly telling the truth

it’s just a minor white lie he needed to say for you to not worry!!!

uhm so

well it was raining cats and dogs right??

IT WAS FLOODING

and jungkook didn’t want to risk cooky (that’s what he named his car do nOT question him) breaking down with all the water and the pressure so he’s uh

he’s not coming home tonight

lisa noticed his struggle right when they walked out of the complex and she offered generously

“jungkook!! do you wanna sleep over at my place tonight? i live pretty near anyway. i’ll drive you over to your car in the morning!!”

wow

she’s so kind and considerate!!! :D great idea lisa thank u very much

they even had ramen together and watched some netflix, kook just slept in the guest room, woke up, and the next day lisa drove him to his car and that’s it!!

he’s back to you easy-peasy and you gave him the tightest hug ever

that’s where the problem lies though

because jungkook didn’t tell you and you don’t know the truth either

which is why yoongi is in your apartment and has been looking at you for the past five minutes while he’s unmoved on your couch

jungkook was over to their apartment to help taehyung with his PC build and yoongi is here aPPARENTLY to just have some snacks with you

that doesn’t seem to be the case because he’s lost in his thought and is fidgeting and??? he doesn’t normally fidget when you’re making him a grilled cheese sandwich lol

“why did jungkook come home a day later than he was supposed to?”

what now

the workshop was long done by a week now and you’re lost at wHy yoongi is asking this now

“oh! he said the organizers needed him to stay later. you know how jungkook’s a bit famous with them, yoongs”

yoongi flatlines at that because uh

that’s w eird

oh god how is he gonna tell you this

yoongi just pulls out his phone with an all-telling screenshot and he’s preparing himself to deal with whatever reaction you give him

it’s a story, actually

harmless if you think about it

and the username and whom it belongs to is sO familiar

not to mention the more than familiar tattooed hand holding the chopsticks to sink into their bowl of ramen

.... oh

“yoongi?”

that is too soft for your tone

something so chilling that yoongi is hesitant to even answer you

“can you bring in jungkook for me?”

oh my gOd you don’t know how to feel

you’re trying to contain yourself because maybe you’ve just misunderstood the situation

althought it’s too fucking hard for your sake, because as far as you remember, jungkook’s ex-girlfriend ISN’T the organizer for this workshop

was it even a workshop in the first place

jungkook wouldn’t cheat on you!!!

... would he??

you’re practically trembling when you ask yoongi to send you the picture and he attempts to hug you and cradle for a bit but you just stay sTILL

“i didn’t tell you because i didn’t want you to worry about me”

now jungkook is a bit confused when yoongi told him to go back to the apartment, no questions asked

and you’re looking kind of rattled which is why he’s starting to get worried

“jungkook, i’m gonna worry of you regardless!! i can’t stop floods and it’s unavoidable but wHY didn’t you tell me?”

“tell you what?”

god you’re gonna pull your hair out

he’s still playing coy of how he didn’t sleep over at lisa’s and it’s irking you right underneath your skin

“that you slept over at your ex-girlfriend’s house and didn’t even tell me!!”

okay now that’s when jungkook ticks

he doesn’t see the problem with it

“what’s wrong with that?? it was flooding and i knew no one else!! a state of emergency, don’t you think?”

“nO jungkook i get that! but what i can’t get is why you needed to lie to me!! you could’ve told the truth and i would’ve understood better!”

ugh this is just sO pointless

he doesn’t really wanna argue with you right now over something that shouldn’t be argued about in the first place

“you’re overreacting, stop it.”

“oh yeah?? it’s okay with you if i go to a workshop by myself, and sleep over at my ex-boyfriend’s place, and not tell you???”

you’re trying your best to not cry then and there because you so badly want to stand by your point against jungkook

“of course,” he’s even more stubborn than you are and he only kisses his teeth as you ask him

“because unlike you, i’m not controlling!”

oh god

that’s when the line is drawn and you just can’t take it anymore

he’s so fired up that he huffs and walks out of the apartment while slamming the door harshly

...

....

things aren’t really going well

practice is still on even if jimin offered that you take a sick leave after hearing about what happened

you’re not gonna chicken out from practice just because jungkook’s gonna be there

plus it’s not like you haven’t ignored him before at practice

meanwhile jungkook is dYing on the inside because oh god he really screwed up big-time

his apartment is too spacious and too quiet and that just meant him regretting extra

this situation felt all too familiar

jungkook hates himself because he feels like he’s done nothing but to to just give you hurt :(((

it’s him going to the gym much earlier than usual and waiting by the door

it’s him trying to get your attention and you being set on tolerating none of it

he already did that last time

but tHIS time it’s with him as your boyfriend and maybe it hurts a little bit more

he hasn’t slept properly for god knows how long

(( actually it’s been just two days ))

you don’t try to contact him nor even think about him because as per his words, you’re controlling!!!

yoongi tries to assure you as much as you can that you aren’t

he’s the only one that could get to you because well he’s the one that took this up to you

and you avoid getting jimin into this because you feel like he’s tired with all this back and forth of trying to pick you up

oh god you aren’t a burden, right??

right???

pls say right

yoongi is admittedly not the best when it comes to comforting people but he is there and that’s what matters

even brought out the mascot suit to bring out a giggle or two

and he likes you better when you’re happy so he goes ham on trying to do those cartwheels he’s mastered

anything to put a smile on your face

he was about to do the backflip he did when you showcased your rage play and you had to physically stop him because nO i will not risk you getting a concussion just trying to make me happy

you can’t avoid each other for this long

sooner or later you need to talk about what happened and from then on could you do something about it

atleast jimin knows this much

and as hesitant as he is to let jungkook in again, he knows that this is for the better and that you’re both miserable (the other is much much worse and it isn’t you)

which is why jimin let the door open wordlessly before going on the lift to stay over at tae’s and yoongi’s for a few hours

or whenever you need him to come back

because jungkook’s right in front of you and you can’t even look at him in the eye

gOd there’s only so much you can do

“i’m sorry.”

that’s what makes it even worse though

because you’re the one who apologized first and fuck that just makes jungkook wince

he’s whimpering the moment he hears you and he’d be sobbing if only he didn’t desperately want to talk to you

“why are you apologizing when you’re not even the one at fault?”

it’s the added blow because fuck you are tOO good for him and he doesn’t deserve you :(((

“you’re not controlling. i was just being an insensitive boyfriend and a shitty one at that”

jungkook’s knees buckle and he’s kneeling right in front of you and it immediately gets you trying to lift him back up

the sight itself also makes you tear up a bit because you just wanna talk!! you don’t want him kneeling as if you’re a saint and all that :((

“i’ll — we’ll work through this, right?? i can — i can still m-make it up to you, right?”

jungkook’s looking up at you with the biggest and most pleading eyes you’ve ever seen and perhaps he was even scAred to ask the question,,, in fear that he’s only just convincing himself that he could

that makes his lip tremble again because the alternate outcome of your first fight absolutely ending your relationship is enOugh to shatter him to pieces

he’s about to bow his head again but this time you put your hands on his cheeks, making you look up at him as he tries to compose himself

“we’ll work it out.”

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tuffduff · 4 years

Text

Dr. McKagan (Duff McKagan x Reader)

Pairing: fluffy Duff x Reader

Words: 1,387

Request: @onlyaxlrose “Maybe a Duff x Reader fic where he figures out she’s pregnant before she does, something fluffy lol”

A/N: Hello, I’m back~ this request is so cute, thanks hun! I hope all of you are doing okay, I know these times rn are hard and some of us might be dealing with more anxiety. I know I am. If any of you need anything, I’m always here and I love you all!

“Can you please...just stop.” You complained, moving away from the smoke that Slash was blowing out from his cigarette. He stopped his guitar playing, looking offended.

“Stop what?” He asked, hurt.

“All you guys do is smoke. It’s making me feel sick.” Maybe you were overreacting, but the smell of cigarette smoke lately had been making you nauseous. It had once been an almost comforting smell alerting you of your boyfriend or one of his band mate’s presence, but it was becoming overwhelming.

“Oh. Okay. I thought you meant I sucked.” Slash laughed a little, more than happy to put out his cigarette.

“She won’t even let me smoke at home anymore.” Duff explained, smiling at you from across the stage. They were rehearsing for their show the next night and you had tagged along, hoping being out of the house would cure the weird sensation you had been feeling lately. It was almost like you were in some foggy rut, tired and often times nauseous.

“I’m helping you out in the long run.” You replied back to him, succeeding in making him laugh. When they finished up, Duff rejoined you and wrapped his arms around you tightly.

“Ow,” you mumbled into his shirt. Your boobs felt sore pressing into his body. Duff pulled back to check you over.

“What?”

“Nothing, my boobs are just sore...” you replied, bewildered and not understanding why Duff nodded to himself. “Why are you nodding, do you get that too sometimes?” You asked sarcastically, quickly and irrationally growing more annoyed by the second. He only chuckled calmly at your quip and grabbed your hand, leading you towards your car.

“Hear me out for a second, honey.” He told you. “Let’s do an inventory of your symptoms.”

“My symptoms?” You demanded. “Okay, Dr. McKagan, let’s hear it.”

“So, let’s see. Lately you’ve been falling asleep before you can even make it to the bed.”

“I have not!” You argued.

“Baby, I’ve carried you to bed from the couch every night this week.” You stopped in amazement. “And I’ve had to drag you out of bed every morning. You also keep snapping at me...” you pouted, instantly feeling guilty, and Duff wrapped his arm around your shoulder. “...but that’s okay because I know you don’t mean to. Now your boobs are sore. The smell of smoke makes you sick. On top of all of that, your period is late.”

“...My period is late?” You asked flatly, stopping in your tracks. It felt like you were suddenly far away, like your head stopped working as you looked up at Duff, dumbfounded.

The two of you were going on your third year of a relationships and never had a single argument. You just agreed on everything and had the same viewpoints. For the most part, you and Duff were a very safe couple, but there were a few times every now and then when he hadn’t used protection. Maybe foolishly, neither of you really thought much of it. Until now.

In the middle of the parking lot behind the Troubadour, you sat down on the ground, taking in all of his points.

“Baby?” He asked you gently, kneeling down in the middle of the parking lot with you, his hands resting on your knees. You could only blink at his concerned face for a moment.

“My period is late.” You repeated. “How did you know that?” He chuckled a little and shrugged like it was nothing.

“You’re my girl. It isn’t that hard to keep up with after a while.” All of a sudden it hit you, how you were never out of tampons when you did get your period because of the mysterious brand-new box every month underneath the sink. It never even crossed your mind before who was buying them, just the fact that you never ran out. Now you could remember the relief you felt every month when Duff would surprise you with a date to get ice cream when you really needed it the most, as if he just always knew. Turns out he did. He was an amazing boyfriend with immaculate attention to detail and care of you. The realization overwhelmed you and you began bawling hysterically in the parking lot.

“Hey, don’t cry. It’s gonna be okay,” you heard him murmur before you felt him scoop you up and carry you the rest of the way to your car. He sat you in the passenger seat carefully and knelt down beside you.

“How do you always know what brand of tampons to buy?” You sobbed, making him laugh as he did his best to wipe away your tears.

“How stupid do you think I am?” He teased you, making you laugh. He caressed your cheek with his thumb gently once the tears stopped and used his free hand to grab one of yours. “Y/N, I think you’re pregnant.” He whispered. Immediately, you began sobbing again. “Please, stop crying, baby. It’ll be okay, I promise, I’m with you.” Duff did his best to fit what he could of his body into the space with you and hold you, anything to stop the racking sobs going through your body. “We can do whatever you want to do.”

“I don’t even know what to do.” You sniffled. “My head can’t even think right now.”

“Why don’t we find out for certain?” Duff suggested.

45 minutes later, the two of you were sitting on the bed of your apartment, waiting for the results of the drugstore pregnancy test. You were gripping Duff’s as tight as you could, feeling like you might float away if you didn’t, but he never complained.

“When my older sister got pregnant, the smell of my brother-in-law smoking made her sick.” Duff told you gently, smiling a little at you when you glanced at him quickly. “When you told me the same thing, I started to have a feeling.”

Finally, the two little lines on the test stick showed up, clear as day, as if you needed more evidence. You lowered the stick and Duff watched you silently, waiting for your reaction. Of course, you began crying.

“I promise, whatever you want to do, I support it.” Duff kissed the top of your head and rubbed your back soothingly now. You shook your head vehemently.

“Duff, I’m...I don’t know. I love you so much. You take care of me so well, in a way I’m realizing I never even knew how much you do for me every day. I feel so overwhelmed; I mean, you would make the perfect dad, but I don’t know if I could really be a good mom...” Duff grabbed your shoulders lightly and turned you to face him, an incredulous look on his face.

“Are you kidding me, Y/N? Do you realize all my nephews and nieces used to call me their favorite and now it’s you? Every time I call back home, they’re just disappointed it’s not you.” You chuckled a little. “You’re amazing with kids! Everything you do in life, you do it like it comes naturally. Whether it’s waking up and somehow looking perfect with drool on your face—”

“Hey!” You protested, the both of you laughing.

“Or whether it’s all the things you do for me. Y/N, we’re a team. I do all those things for you because you do those things for me too. Buying me new belts without asking because you know the leather on mine are tearing, making sure I’m drinking water even though it’s disgusting—”

“Duff, water is not disgusting.”

“But the best thing you do,” he pulled you onto his knee and kissed your temple. “Is love me the only way you can. I think we can love this baby and raise it together and do alright.” You reached out and grabbed the pregnancy stick again, staring down at it in wonder and felt his hand snake around your waist and rest on your abdomen gently. After a moment, you rested your hand on top of his.

“Well, I hope we do better than alright.” You decided, smiling widely at the grin that appeared on Duff’s face. “...Like you said, we’re a team.” He held you to him even tighter and kissed your lips, smiling against them.

“I love you so much, Y/N.”

#duff mckagan #duff mckagan x reader #duff mckagan imagine #guns n roses #guns n roses imagine #gnr imagine #gnr #request

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downn-in-flames · 4 years

Text

let’s keep it casual

this was written for a trope stew challenge on @hpfanfictalk - my assigned tropes were 1) roaring rampage of revenge, 2) snowball lie, 3) friends with benefits, 4) it's personal, and 5) mistaken for betrayal. somehow, i think i managed to squish them all in here :P

read it on: hpft | ao3

[Tuesday 10 May, 15:04]

james potter: u up?

lily evans: it’s 3pm

james potter: good observation

lily evans: you need to get more creative with your ‘hi i’m bored can you come over and fuck me’ lines

james potter: did it work though?

lily evans: be there in 15

[Tuesday 10 May, 16:42]

sirius black: ran into lily in the lobby a few minutes ago sirius black: tell me, when are you going to finally own up to the fact that you fancy the shit out of her and aren’t just casually fucking her with no feelings involved

james potter: hmm, but see, that would require that statement to actually be true james potter: seriously, it’s just hooking up james potter: we’ve got a good thing going, i’m not going to ruin that by catching feelings

sirius black: ~catching~ feelings? sirius black: dude sirius black: feelings have long since been caught sirius black: by both of you

james potter: ur wrong but i’m not arguing that point with u anymore

sirius black: because your counterarguments are shit and you know it

[Wednesday 11 May, 20:53]

lily evans: i’m going to kill him i’m going to kill him i’m going to kill him lily evans: I’M GOING TO KILL HIM lily evans: give me ONE good reason not to commit murder right now

james potter: you can’t fuck me if you’re in prison?

lily evans: damn you have a point there

james potter: also why are you contemplating murder, that seems extreme

lily evans: two words for you: severus fucking snape

james potter: that’s three words

lily evans: do you want me to kill you too, bud??

james potter: you can’t fuck me if i’m dead james potter: but seriously, what did that greasebag do

lily evans: remember when i beat him to checking out the last copy of that chemistry research journal from the library?

james potter: i believe you described it as ‘the most victorious day of the semester to date’

lily evans: and i stand by that lily evans: but ANYWAYS lily evans: the creepy fucker SNUCK INTO MY ROOM and STOLE IT lily evans: and had the nerve to leave me a fucking LOVE NOTE in its place

james potter: he left you a love note?? james potter: what does it say?

lily evans: that is not the part of this story you should be fixating on lily evans: he wheedled his way through the front desk security and came into my room and WENT THROUGH MY STUFF lily evans: not to mention, the damn journal is still checked out in my name lily evans: so if he doesn’t return it on time, I’M going to have to pay for it lily evans: those things are expensive as FUCK

james potter: what a fucking twat

lily evans: i just lily evans: i can’t with him lily evans: the creepiness and borderline obsession with me is one thing lily evans: the fact that he acts like i owe it to him to be in love with him is another lily evans: but straight-up violating my privacy AND sabotaging my perfect reputation with the university library?? lily evans: i’m taking him down

james potter: hell yeah, you show that fucker once and for all

lily evans: wanna be my accomplice

james potter: that’s perhaps the sexiest thing you’ve ever said james potter: ofc i will be

lily evans: will text u when i come up with the appropriate revenge scheme

[Thursday 12 May, 13:02]

lily evans: meet me at the library in an hour

james potter: is this part of aforementioned revenge scheme?

lily evans: obviously

james potter: i shall be there

[Thursday 12 May, 15:23]

james potter: okay what the fuck was that

lily evans: in my defense it was not supposed to go that far

james potter: mind telling me what you DID have in mind when telling the librarian that we’re engaged?? james potter: because i’ve been wracking my brain and i’ve got nothing

lily evans: she was supposed to give me edit access to my account to fix my last name lily evans: which she did lily evans: and thanks to my BRILLIANT computer skills from there, the journal is checked out in snape’s name instead of mine lily evans: but clearly i underestimated how close i am with the uni library staff

james potter: no shit

lily evans: anyways, what do you want on our wedding registry

james potter: what

lily evans: i’ve got to give her a wedding website link!! she asked for it, i can’t very well show up at the library next week and not have a wedding website for her lily evans: i also ordered a £5 ring on etsy lily evans: it’s huge and tacky and exactly the sort of thing a trust fund baby like u would propose with

james potter: jfc james potter: put one of those mini waffle makers on there james potter: also i’m offended that you think so poorly of my ring-picking skills

[Friday 13 May, 9:10]

lily evans: hi, i have a weird request

remus lupin: that’s always a concerning sentence

lily evans: can you take fake engagement photos for me and james?? lily evans: will pay you in bourbon and chocolate

remus lupin: ……. literally what the fuck, lily remus lupin: why on earth do you need fake engagement photos

lily evans: i need them for our fake wedding website

remus lupin: somehow, that still doesn’t make this make any more sense

lily evans: it’s a long story lily evans: can you though?

remus lupin: *sigh* yes

lily evans: bless u

[Monday 16 May, 8:57]

lily evans: thoughts?? lily evans: Attachment - 12 Images

james potter: wow james potter: those look… really good

lily evans: we actually look like an engaged couple lily evans: like….. go us lily evans: alright, time to upload these bad boys onto the website

[Monday 16 May, 9:12]

james potter: sirius james potter: oh dear brother of mine james potter: who is nothing but kind and supportive and never gives me shit for anything james potter: how are you this fine evening?

sirius black: spit it out

james potter: as you know, i have been pulled into the most hare-brained of schemes with none other than lily evans james potter: and it spiralled into remus taking a bunch of fake engagement photos for us this weekend

sirius black: i am well aware sirius black: you stole my boyfriend from me on what would have otherwise been a chill saturday morning and used him to take pictures in a fucking flower field

james potter: that is correct james potter: anyways james potter: it has come to my attention that we make a Very Cute Couple

sirius black: are u saying what i think ur saying

james potter: and now i feel weird because i kind of... wish they weren’t fake??

sirius black: u ARE saying it sirius black: oh my GOD sirius black: took you long enough

james potter: hey now, you agreed not to give me shit

sirius black: if you scroll up, you’ll see i never agreed to anything

james potter: i can’t believe you’re being so rude to me in my time of dire emotional distress

[Monday 16 May, 15:32]

remus lupin: heard you finally got your head out of your ass and admitted you like evans as more than a friend slash hookup

james potter: i’m going to kill sirius, he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone

remus lupin: he’d like you to know that he never agreed to that either remus lupin: but seriously, it was about time

james potter: :( stop making me feel like an idiot for having feelings

remus lupin: you’re not an idiot for having feelings remus lupin: you ARE an idiot for taking so long to realise you’ve had them

james potter: this is a new development james potter: i only had friendly feelings for her until yesterday

remus lupin: …… james remus lupin: you once woke up in the middle of the night to drive to that 24-hour ice cream shop on the other side of town at 3 a.m. so you could take lily her favourite milkshake while she was studying remus lupin: that is NOT something you do for someone you only have friendly feelings for

james potter: it isn’t???

remus lupin: would you do that for me or peter?

james potter: no

remus lupin: hence, not friendly feelings

james potter: … oh

remus lupin: you are useless remus lupin: absolutely useless remus lupin: truly do not know what lily sees in you

james potter: well that’s mean

[Monday 16 May, 16:53]

lily evans: is it sad that i keep forgetting this wedding website is fake?? lily evans: like, i am putting Way Too Much Effort into this given that it is an elaborate ruse to appease some librarians and i keep catching myself fantasising about a real wedding lily evans: literally what is wrong with me

remus lupin: jfc remus lupin: you two really ARE meant for each other

[Monday 16 May, 23:49]

james potter: wait what do you mean ‘what lily sees in me’?? james potter: remus?????

[Tuesday 17 May, 10:03]

lily evans: stage 2 of burn snape’s life to the ground begins tomorrow lily evans: are you ready?

james potter: should i be prepared for a fake marriage this time?

lily evans: haha no, i promise i won’t spring any fake relationship statuses on you this time lily evans: but now that you mention it… lily evans: check out this work of art lily evans: theknot . com / deerlybeloved

james potter: fucking hell, evans james potter: you went all out

lily evans: umm yeah lol lily evans: turns out designing a wedding website is a really fun way to procrastinate

[Tuesday 17 May, 10:16]

james potter: she used a deer pun in the fake wedding page name i actually can’t breathe

sirius black: the transition from complete denial to pathetic sod happened even faster than i expected

james potter: you are ruthless

sirius black: remember when i was the pathetic sod about remus and you gave me SO much shit about it?? sirius black: this is payback, bitchhhhhhh

james potter: you’re right, i deserve this

[Wednesday 18 May, 19:34]

james potter: truly, evans, i don’t understand why you’re studying chem when you’re this good at hacking into things james potter: in other news, i’m having the absolute fucking time of my LIFE on snape’s reddit account rn james potter: i just wrote a long essay about how i’ve learned the errors of my bigoted ways and am embracing the blm movement and intersectional feminism and i’ve never seen something get so violently downvoted so fast

lily evans: see, this is why i knew you were the right accomplice for this lily evans: keep destroying his internet reputation and trolling his weird alt-right community with all your research and logic lily evans: you’re doing amazing sweetie

james potter: studying human rights law does occasionally have its perks james potter: this, plus ya know the whole ‘making the world a better place’ thing

lily evans: i was about to say lily evans: i should hope the only perk isn’t trolling the internet

james potter: ahahahahah yessss one of the admins is threatening to kick me out james potter: also he keeps using mudblood as an insult and i’m like ??? james potter: what does that even mean??

lily evans: somehow i feel like you don’t want to know

james potter: update i found out, and yes you were right, i didn’t want to know

lily evans: in that case, not gonna ask

[Thursday 19 May, 17:35]

severus snape: Potter.

james potter: fuck i really thought i’d blocked your number

severus snape: You’ve pulled childish pranks in the past, but getting me banned from the Death Eaters Messageboard is a new low.

james potter: i’m sorry what james potter: i don’t know what you’re talking about

severus snape: Cut the bullshit. severus snape: In the process of reinstating my account - with none of my reputation points, might I add, thanks for that - I’ve acquired photo evidence of the posts that resulted in my expulsion. severus snape: I know no one else who would both make a play on words about deer and quote a Taylor Swift song in the same sentence. It was obviously you, you childish buffoon.

james potter: haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate

severus snape: I’m not joking around here.

james potter: baby i’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake

severus snape: You’re going to regret this, mark my words.

james potter: i shake it off, i shake it off

james potter has blocked severus snape

[Thursday 19 May, 19:03]

lily evans: come over i’m bored

james potter: is this a ‘come over so we can have sex’ type of come over or a ‘come over so we can watch the good place for the hundredth time’ type of come over

lily evans: why does it have to be one or the other?

james potter: touché james potter: omw

[Thursday 19 May, 22:38]

james potter: RED ALERT I HAVE FUCKED UP james potter: you’re 1000% gonna roast me for this and i don’t fucking care because if i don’t tell someone i’m actually going to explode

sirius black: what happened with lily this time

james potter: bold of you to assume this has to do with lily

sirius black: does it have to do with lily?

james potter: ….. yes

sirius black: my bold assumption proven correct

james potter: anyways, we were shagging, as we do james potter: and it was the ~heat of the moment~, you know??

sirius black: i am not qualified to give you sex advice, if that’s where this is going

james potter: and i might’ve accidentally told her i loved her

sirius black: oh fuck that’s not where this was going

james potter: and now i don’t know what to doooooo

sirius black: well, what did you do after you said it?

james potter: honestly i blacked out james potter: i think i backtracked by telling her i meant that i love fucking her and then just like….. left as soon as we were done

sirius black: jesus fucking CHRIST

[Thursday 19 May, 22:54]

remus lupin: sirius is banging his head on the table repeatedly and given that he was texting you a few minutes ago i can only assume you said something on a whole new level of stupid

[Thursday 19 May, 23:01]

james potter: sirius??? james potter: help???

sirius black: i have never gone out on a date with a woman and even i can tell you that that is absolutely NOT what you do when you tell a girl you love them for the first time sirius black: you absolute knob

james potter: so what do i doooooo

sirius black: tell her the truth maybe? sirius black: the cat’s out of the bag now anyways and it’s not like you can make things any worse than you already have

james potter: but we agreed no one was going to catch feelings when we started sleeping together!! james potter: we pinky swore james potter: i can’t break a pinky swear

sirius black: ffs the fact that you two pinky swore on a sex agreement is something i’ll need to give you shit for at a totally separate time but that’s not the most pressing issue at the moment sirius black: my point stands, breaking a pinky swear is still an improvement on the current situation sirius black: just tell her the truth so you two can become that nauseatingly adorable couple and overtake me and remus as the most vomit-inducing pair in college

james potter: ughhhhh james potter: curse my blood-deprived brain for getting me into this mess

[Saturday 21 May, 9:37]

lily evans: phase 4 of fucking up snape’s life starts today - you ready?

james potter: uhhh yeah james potter: listen, are you okay?

lily evans: yes? why wouldn’t i be?

james potter: idk james potter: but good, that’s good

lily evans: yep, it’s good

james potter: how many phases are there to this snape plan anyways? james potter: will i get to know any of the phases in advance?

lily evans: 4 phases lily evans: phase 1 was putting the world back in its rightful order, phases 2-4 are all about destroying the things he holds most dear lily evans: see: his top 5 placement on that alt-right message board (phase 2), and his good reputation with all the chem professors (phase 3) lily evans: (i handled phase 3 on my own, btw)

james potter: fair enough, don’t know how i would’ve helped with chem professors anyways james potter: pretty sure one of them (slughorn i think?) hates me from that one time sirius and i let chickens loose in the science building

lily evans: oh god yeah he definitely probably does lily evans: anyways, phase 4 is sneaking into his room like he did to mine, and you’re gonna leave the note lily evans: he’ll be properly pissed off if he knows you got in, but he’d probably just wank to a note i left

james potter: thanks for the most cursed mental image of my life james potter: but you’re prob right tbh

lily evans: anyways, i’m pretty good at picking the locks on the dormitory windows, so i’ll go in that way and unlock his room from the inside - all you’ll need to do is show up lily evans: tonight at 7

james potter: roger that

[Saturday 21 May, 13:46]

remus lupin: have you talked to lily about the infamous mid-coital ‘i love you’ yet?

james potter: jfc must sirius tell you everything james potter: and no, i’m getting there i swear

remus lupin: get there faster

[Saturday 21 May, 22:40]

sirius black: is everything okay?? sirius black: actually wait i know the answer to that sirius black: you came in soaking wet two hours ago and grabbed the bottle of whiskey from the kitchen and have been blasting all too well at top volume ever since sirius black: everything is definitely not okay

james potter: fcuk lily evans james potter: and not in the fun way james potter: i’m never gonna fuck her in the fun way again

sirius black: what happened?

james potter: rememember how we were sabotaging snep’s life james potter: *sneep james potter: *snape james potter: turns out, she and sneep go way back james potter: motherfucker james potter: sneep is jsut his name now james potter: anyways, she set me up and betrayed me james potter: sneep knew i was gonna be there and put a booby trap on his door, and he and lily were inside LAUGHING at me

sirius black: wait what the fuck sirius black: lily would never

james potter: but she would apparently james potter: she even has pictures of them in primary school together james potter: i just james potter: fuck

sirius black: that’s actually beyond fucked up

james potter: originally this whole revenge on sneep thing was just me following along with lily’s rage james potter: but now it’s personal james potter: the lily revenge plan didn’t have a phase 5, but the james version does james potter: and i’m taking both of them dwon james potter: is it petty? yes james potter: will it actually fix th fact that evans betrayed me? no james potter: but will it make me feel better? yess james potter: and that, i think, is a valid reason james potter: will u hlep me??

sirius black: i mean, i’m always down to fuck with sneep sirius black: but uhh, maybe sleep off the alcohol first sirius black: and stop playing all too well

james potter: okye

sirius black: that was not an invitation to start playing you’re not sorry

james potter: taylor swift is th eonly person who gets my sadness right now i cant’ help it

[Sunday 22 May, 9:21]

lily evans: i called you like 5 times last night, why didn’t you pick up

james potter: i wasn’t aware you’d want to talk to me james potter: too busy hanging out with your bff sneep

lily evans: jfc you’re such a drama queen

james potter: excuse me

lily evans: also god no i’d never hang out with snape lily evans: sneep? lol

james potter: it was a typo that i’m making into an Official Thing james potter: you two seemed awfully cozy yesterday james potter: you know, when you betrayed me and led me straight into a trap

lily evans: ffs i didn’t betray you lily evans: if you would’ve picked up any of my calls last night, i would’ve been able to explain to you that this was all part of the plan

james potter: wait what

lily evans: i had to make you think i’d betrayed you because you can’t act for shit

james potter: why did you need me to think that

lily evans: for the real phase 4 lily evans: i’m destroying everything snape holds dear lily evans: which, yes, includes both his weird messageboard reputation and his teacher’s pet status, but you know what’s at the very top of that list? lily evans: his perpetual wank that i’m going to realise he was the perfect man for him all along lily evans: hence, i have lulled him into a false sense of believing his fantasy has finally come true so i can crush it under my heel once and for all

james potter: that is… downright diabolical

lily evans: i take revenge crusades very seriously

james potter: ok but how do i know you’re not double crossing me again?

lily evans: bc for fuck’s sake in what world would i EVER want to be with someone who treats me like a fucking prize that he’s owed for being nice to me as a kid?? lily evans: c’mon potter, you know me better than that

james potter: it felt SO REAL yesterday though

lily evans: that is because i, unlike you, am excellent at acting

james potter: why do you keep implying i’m a bad actor??

lily evans: because you are lily evans: exhibit a - you told me you loved me and then proceeded to full-on panic so hard that you gave the world’s worst cover up and ran away at the first possible moment

james potter: oh god, you noticed that

lily evans: of course i noticed that, because once again, you are the world’s worst actor

james potter: yikes james potter: i’m sorry, i know i managed to break literally the only rule we had going into this arrangement

lily evans: it’s actually kinda convenient, tbh lily evans: considering i broke it as well

james potter: you what

lily evans: as it happens, i have somewhat recently come to the realisation that my feelings for you are somewhat outside the bounds of what one would consider ~friendly~

james potter: was it the wedding website james potter: is that what did it

lily evans: embarrassingly enough…. yes

james potter: SAME

lily evans: wait seriously??

james potter: so serious i’m not even gonna make a sirius pun james potter: i mean, did you SEE how good we look together?? james potter: evans, we are a POWER COUPLE

lily evans: hell yes we are

james potter: a power couple who takes sneep down once and for all

lily evans: hell yes we are x100 lily evans: come over in a bit? gotta discuss the actual plan lily evans: i may have an idea that makes it even better

[Sunday 22 May, 10:21]

james potter: on second thought, plans have changed yet again

sirius black: i take it this is a positive change sirius black: given that you have now taken to blasting call it what you want

james potter: :)

[Sunday 22 May, 13:05]

james potter has unblocked severus snape

james potter: hey bro i just wanted to say i’m sorry for trying to sneak into your room

severus snape: You’re not my bro. Don’t call me that. severus snape: We both know you’re only apologising because you wanted to get into Lily’s pants.

james potter: not what this is about but go off i guess

severus snape: You’re just jealous because for once, the nice guy did get the girl. severus snape: Apology not accepted, by the way.

[Sunday 22 May, 13:13]

james potter: Attachment - 1 Screenshot james potter: at what point do i get to tell him i’ve actually been in your pants

lily evans: your time will come lily evans: but for now, stop texting sneep and put your phone down so that you can cuddle with your naked girlfriend who’s literally on the other side of the bed waiting for you

james potter: don’t have to ask me twice

[Sunday 22 May, 13:57]

lily evans: hey sev? wanna meet me at the founder’s garden this afternoon?

severus snape: Of course. Let’s do 4.

lily evans: looking forward to it xx

[Sunday 22 May, 18:59]

sirius black: heard sneep had a temper tantrum so dramatic half of the college overheard it

james potter: it was iconic

sirius black: also heard you and evans are engaged now???

james potter: ah, that part is just hearsay james potter: we decided to lean into the fact that we’ve already got a fake wedding website and just throw a fake proposal in there for good measure james potter: it’s still not an actual engagement james potter: but sneep doesn’t know that, and he never will

sirius black: that is so fantastically stupid, but then again, i don’t know why i’d expect anything less from you two at this point

james potter: i am going to buy her a less shitty ring though - not like an actual diamond one, but something in the middle ground, ya know? james potter: if she’s gonna wear it all the time it might as well be nice

[Sunday 22 May, 23:41]

severus snape: You are despicable. severus snape: You stole the girl who was clearly MINE. Lily loved ME first.

james potter: first of all, lily doesn’t belong to anyone james potter: second of all, she picked me

severus snape: And we all know you’re just going to drop her as soon as you get your dick wet.

james potter: not that our sex life is any of your business, but i can assure you that i have already disproven that theory

severus snape: That’s disgusting. I didn’t need to know that.

james potter: i mean, you’re the one who keeps bringing things back to getting into lily’s pants james potter: just wanted to share that the experience is indeed a pleasant one, 10/10 would recommend, not that you’ll ever get to experience it for yourself

severus snape: Fuck. You.

james potter: you know what i think, sneep?

severus snape: My name is Snape. Surely your pea brain can at least spell that properly.

james potter: i think you need to calm down james potter: you’re being too loud

james potter has blocked severus snape

[Monday 23 May, 12:54]

lily evans: fyi the uni library staff sent us one of those mini waffle makers as an engagement gift

james potter: oh my god james potter: best fake engagement ever

lily evans: figured you’d enjoy that

#jily fanfiction #jily fic #jily fanfic #jily #james potter #lily evans #james potter x lily evans #fluff #crackfic #i mean basically #chatfic #also fuck snape #kbyeeeee

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rose-of-pollux · 5 years

Text

And yet another MFU blurb

Written for today’s short affair prompt at Section VII.

Summary: In which Napoleon is recovering from being tanked on a THRUSH drug, and Illya is just trying to put a decent meal together for him.

Notes: this is very light slash; gen version is on dreamwidth.

Not cross-posting this because I’m just too lazy rn.

Trying to look after Napoleon when under the influence of a THRUSH drug was like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. While Illya usually got loopy and overly affectionate while drugged, Napoleon basically unleashed the energy of a burning sun. Illya often had to wonder whether Napoleon had all of this energy while sober, but merely reigned it all in.

Nevertheless, Illya was concerned that after several hours running around without stopping, that Napoleon had to be running on fumes, starving and dehydrated without realizing it.

Somehow, he managed to guide his tanked-up partner back to their apartment and managed to get him to drink some electrolyte drink (well, Napoleon pretty much chugged it down in ten seconds), and then had to figure out how to get him to have some food.

Napoleon was being a bit difficult about that, insisting that he wasn’t hungry and then trying to prove it by attempting to rearrange all of the furniture in the apartment; Illya frantically sat him back down as their cat, Baba Yaga, looked on in concern and confusion from her scratching post.

“You need to eat,” Illya insisted again.

“Fine, I want a 10-course gourmet meal,” Napoleon said, his voice still quite loopy. “Served on silver platters.”

“…You would…” Illya muttered.

“Ahh, but that’s right, you can’t cook…!” Napoleon slurred. “Tsk-tsk-tsk. Lemme do it.”

He gave Illya a patronizing pat on the shoulder and stumbled off towards the kitchen.

“Oh no you don’t—in your state, you’ll burn the place down,” Illya muttered, running after him. He grabbed him by the shoulders and guided him back to the couch. “I kept myself alive long before I met you. I will cook you a meal, and you will like it!”

Even drugged out of his mind, Napoleon gave Illya such a look of disbelief that Illya felt himself blushing.

“I thought you didn’t believe in impossible things?”

“Just you wait,” Illya vowed. “You will eat your words, along with the food!”

“You made a pun!” Napoleon exclaimed, and he burst into a fit of giggles, shaking with laughter as he sat back down on the couch.

Illya seized the opportunity to pull a meal together—toasted bread and butter, borscht, and a soufflé in the oven. He could feel Napoleon’s wide-eyed gaze trying to focus on what he was doing, but he ignored the tsks and tutting from his partner.

At last, he presented the main meal to his partner, who glanced at it with some derision.

“…This is regular bread.”

“Da.”

“…Did you drown my raisin rye again!?”

Illya rolled his eyes.

“Nyet, you have forgotten that we are out of your precious raisin rye because only one bakery in the state of New York makes it!” he chided his partner.

“…Oh…”

Napoleon got up.

“And where are you going?” Illya insisted.

“Purple Valley Bakery.”

“Napoleon!”

Illya scrambled to catch him before he went out the door and guided him back to the couch.

“Eat this!”

Napoleon made another face at it, and Illya decided to lead by example, quietly slurping a few spoonfuls of borscht. It had turned out quite well, actually; he was pleased with it—and since Napoleon usually did the cooking, it had been quite a long time since he’d made it himself, yet it was as though he had last done it a week ago.

He was suddenly aware of Napoleon staring at him, and he innocently held the bowl and spoon out to him.

“…Borscht?” he offered.

He wasn’t sure whether Napoleon was going to go for the soup or for a kiss, given how he was staring at both Illya and the bowl with a desperate expression. He chose both in the end, kissing Illya on the lips before stealing the bowl from him and chugging it down. He then helped himself to the toast (Illya having to sneak a couple pieces for himself), and Illya watched in pure satisfaction as Napoleon went to town on the soufflé next.

It was as he was finishing that the high from the THRUSH drug wore off, followed by the unpleasant, inevitable crash. Illya made him comfortable on the sofa and went to procure more food for himself.

He was pleased when Napoleon woke up some hours later, his eyes and expression back to normal.

“What happened…?” his partner groaned. “I don’t remember anything…”

“THRUSH drug—you spent all your energy, as usual, and you’ve been sleeping it off for the last few hours,” Illya said.

“That explains almost everything,” Napoleon said.

“What are you wondering?”

“…Why do I have the weirdest aftertaste in my mouth?”

He put the pieces together himself after Illya’s response was to throw one of the throw pillows at his head.

#Illya Kuryakin #Napoleon Solo #napollya #the man from uncle #mfu fic #drabble

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borusawa · 5 years

Text

1 new message

A/N: So, recently I decided to do a fic with chapters and this is all new to me but I’m excited. The name is “1 new message” and I’ll post on ff.net and wattpad as well (and you’ll find the link in my masterlist soon).

Beta reader: @abbypdg (thank u, you’re an angel)

Warnings: there’s some cursing in this chapter but the book as a whole is mature content.

Word count: 3,692

Chapter 1 >

PROLOGUE

The library was full of pretending. Students pretending they cared for the finals next week, the librarian pretending as if his job wasn't terrible and I, pretending that the way Boruto was looking and smiling at me from time to time wasn't affecting me at all and it was actually bothering.

"Why are you smiling that way?" I said with an annoying tone without removing my sight from the notebook in the table right in front of me.

"Nothing." He smiled again turning himself to be facing me. "You look cute when you're fully concentrated like that."

I couldn't avoid blushing but I tried my best to not let him see the pink shade spread all over my face. I should be accustomed to his usual compliments by now but how could I do it when he always did that with his perfect smile and blue eyes staring back at me? I don't blame myself for these feelings, they were totally his fault.

"You are way cutter trying to hide your blush from me, Uchiha." He sat straight again and his comment made me blush even more. So he knew what I was doing? Like reading my mind he said: "I know you too well not to notice what you're trying to do."

I turned to him completely surprised only to see he was already focused on his own notebook. Oh, yeah. That reminded me, I should be studying, not talking. That thought brought me back to my tracks. It was peaceful for a while despite all the people filling the room we were, their whispers becoming louder when grouped with others whispers. All I should think of was this big test I was going to have on Friday, also known as tomorrow. I was pissed at my teacher for giving a test on a Friday but the other option was Monday so basically there are evils that come for the good. Finishing this test in peace meant study slash gossip party with my girls all weekend and I was up to that. There were a lot of things I needed to talk to them about, some of them even related to the man right beside me. Boruto. Sometimes the reason of my happiness, sometimes the reason of my sadness but always the reason of my confusion. What did he feel for me? Was I just a friend? That would make no sense. Did he even notice the way I had been acting around him lately? I was trying hard to act normally and I hoped it was working because I did not want for him to find out, at least not before I felt ready, that is. Why was I thinking about him anyway? The test tomorrow, that's what I should be thinking about. As soon as I tried to focus again one of the kids in the library started to scream and laugh really loud with his friend, getting pissed looks from everyone around. The librarian didn't care enough to stop them because, as I said before, his job sucks and he knows it. Someone grabbed my wrist and I immediately looked for the source of the touch.

"We should leave, here's so crowded that we won't get any study properly with all the noise."

As soon as I nodded, Boruto started to pack his stuff and so did I. "Where will we go then?" I asked without stop gathering my things.

"If it's okay to you we can go to my apartment... Shikadai won't be home till at least 9PM." He sounded cute and shy and I smiled at that. "I-I mean, only if you're okay with it." Again, shyness rising from his voice.

"It's okay."

He smiled back at me and stood up. "Okay, so we should be going."

I followed him to his car and noticed the parking lot was quieter than the library itself. God, I was happy to leave. Even happier because I was going to spend some time alone with my best friend. No dirty thoughts. At least I was avoiding the dirty thoughts at all costs. When we were getting close to his car, he hurried up to open the door for me. What the fuck is this guy doing to me? Ashamed, I accepted his gesture and entered the car. I watched his smile while he got on the driver sit, putting the seat belt on.

"You okay? Why are you staring me with that look in your eyes?"

"What? You wish. I'm not staring you." I switched my sight to the window and heard his laughter behind me. He started the car and we were on our way.

It wasn't a big distance between the library and his house so we only took a few minutes to get into his building. We stayed silent all the way, more like a comfortable silence or, better yet, a what-is-going-to-happen-now silence. Boruto and I were alone together all the time but never in our houses. There was always someone with us at that times, so it was technically the first time we were really going to be alone, like alone alone, not in a public place or with friends alone. And that was frightening for me, with my feelings and all. I knew I shouldn't be worrying about it because he was my best friend in the world but at the same time how could I not. He parked the car and we waited for the elevator, in silence still. Okay, now that was bothering me, I thought I should say something.

"So, where is Shikadai?"

"Oh" He said between giggles. "It looks like somehow his mother managed to discover he is smoking now and have been calling him ever since. He told her, of course by message, that he could not answer her calls because he was going to a trip." The elevator opened and we entered. He pressed his floor level before starting to talk again. "He is afraid as fuck of her getting here and makes him live a scenario where he will have to talk to her face to face, so he is out. I don't know exactly to where, though. Must be napping somewhere."

I laughed a lot at the story. "What did he thought? That she was never going to find out?"

Boruto smirked. "Yeah, pretty much."

Soon my laughs stopped and we fell in silence once again. Why is it being so weird?

The elevator door opened and we were finally inside his house. "Do you wanna a drink or something?" He threw the keys in a pot over a cabin right beside the door and placed his backpack on the floor, directing his pace to the kitchen while I sat shyly in the couch.

"No, nothing. Thanks."

"Come on, we're studying since 10AM and it's already 2PM, so you must be starving. We might as well eat before start studying again. Make yourself comfortable while I prepare something for us." I heard his shout through the wall separating us.

"You are forgetting that you don't know how to cook." I said I little louder than I used to talk so he could hear me on the other room.

He returned to the living room only to smirk at me with his arms crossed. "Then I guess I'll need your help."

Once I got on the kitchen I knew I could not stay there any longer without cleaning. "We are going to clean this before making food."

"But I'm too hungry to that." He made a puppy face. I crossed my arms. "I’m glad you agreed."

He knew there was no escape besides accepting his fate and we just cleaned the whole kitchen. At least the most we could. I was happy cleaning because, first, I could not let my friends live like pigs and second, there's no sexual tension when people are cleaning rests of food. Once we finished, everything was so clean that we only knew none of us had the courage to do anything to change its current state.

"Pizza it is?" he asked, although no questions were needed. "Totally."

Boruto took his phone to call the pizza’s place and that remind me of checking mine. Took me a while to find my phone between the papers and books on my bag, and when I looked at the screen I just knew something was wrong.

5 missed calls from Chocho

11 new messages

"Oh fuck."

Boruto stopped his phone talking and looked me. "What happened?" and I just showed him the notification. He smirked at the sight. "Something must have happened with one of the Kardashians." And with that, he restarted his complain to the phone. No, I want pepperoni. What do you mean you guys don't sell those?

Unlocking my phone, I started to read the messages.

11:34AM Chocho

GIIIRRL

11:34AM Chocho

I have something URGENT to tell you :O

11:45AM Chocho

Sarada, answer this phone.

12:17PM Chocho

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

I called you a thousand times

already

12:17AM Chocho

I should change friend and roommate,

u r not helping me rn

12:18AM Chocho

I swear to god if u are with Boruto or Mitsuki

again I'll have to kick you from our apartment.

12:18AM Chocho

No, I won't, but I'll be pissed.

1:34PM Chocho

Okay, I'm getting worried. No normal person

stay this long without checking the phone for no

reason. Not even you.

3:26PM Chocho

Nothing? I'm calling the police.

3:36PM Chocho

So, I'm with Mitsuki and he doesn't have any

idea of where Boruto are either. Hope u r fuckin' :)

Now Chocho

(Photo)

I clicked on the picture and it was a cute photograph of my second favorite couple in the world, the first being my parents, obviously. Chocho was holding a hamburger in her hands and Mitsuki had the prettiest grin on his face with one hand holding the phone and the other arm around Chocho's shoulders. I smiled at them, even though they couldn't see it. I was so happy that they were finally together after a hell of a rollercoaster. I wonder when it will be my turn. I quickly typed her a message saying that I was alive, well, and with Boruto and that the picture she sent me was cute.

Boruto finished the call and sat right beside me. "They said we'll need to wait twenty minutes tops." I turned my phone so he could see the image I was smiling at. "They are great together, aren't they? I'm happy for them."

"Me too." was all I could say. "We should do something till the pizza get here, right?" I didn't want to be in silence with him again.

"What about watching Black Mirror? What was the last episode we watched?"

"The one with the girl with a camera in the eye and the crazy mother."

"Oh yes, that one." And suddenly the fact that he only had a television on his room fell upon us. "I figure it can be weird go to my room since we are totally alone. We don't need to-"

"No, it's okay by me." Of course it was 'okay' by me. I guess he shouldn't trust me.

We awkwardly walked to his room. I sat on the bed hugging his pillow with my arms and legs. He laughed at me and also sat at the bed. Again, not the first time we did it, but we never did it when no one else was home. Boruto easily found his remote and turned on the TV. "So, what are you up to these days?"

"Not much." I answered, watching him pick the show and getting closer to me. "What are you doing?"

"I want to lie down." He removed the pillow off my arms and placed his head on my lap. I knew it wasn't a meaningful act so I just started to run my fingers through his blond and soft hair. The show started, we stayed that way until the pizza guy arrived and Boruto answered the door. I started to follow him but the window caught my attention. It was getting dark outside, and we didn't study like we said we would.

My test was the next morning, so no postponing the review anymore.

"It's too late, Boruto. I should go home." He frowned his brows to me, holding the pizza box in his hand while closing the door with his feet. "And we didn't study at all. Our test is tomorrow, we're gonna regret this."

"No, you don't need to leave. I promise you we're going to study after the pizza, I swear. And then I can take you home." I smiled at the last sentence. I loved when people gave me a ride.

"Okay. But know that I'm staying for pizza and the ride." I deadpanned.

"You're not staying for me, I got it." He walked to his room.

"Well, you're the one who paid for the pizza and will give me a ride so... It's kinda for you if you think about it."

I press play on the show and we start eating. "This pizza is good. Where is it from?"

"There's a pizza place two blocks away that opened recently. I don't know if you noticed yet." He kept talking but I lost my composure and just stared at him unblinking, admiring his eyes and the way he smiled through his words. He called my name and then I woke up from my daydreaming to see his worried slash confused face.

"Sarada, are you okay? You spaced out for a moment."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. You were saying?"

"Nothing important."

We finished the pizza without any further problems. Once we were done I took the remote and turned off the TV. "Now, let’s study." Boruto frowned but moved from his bed to his table. I sat on the floor with the books over his bed.

I was mostly reading my notes from the rest of the semester and thinking about how I truly couldn't wait for the summer vacation to start. All of our friends were planning to drive to the beach and stay some days at uncle Naruto's beach house. He said it was okay since he haven't used it for a while, but warned us about the possibility of it being a little dirty. We were aware that probably it wasn't 'a little' but everyone was too excited to worry.

Boruto motions his notebook in front of me. "Sarada, I'm struggling a little here. Can you help me?"

"Sure, come here." I waited for him to place himself on my side. I put my head above his shoulder so I could see the problem but he never started talking. I lifted my sight to ask him what was going on, only to see that he was facing me. I looked right into his eyes while he looked into mine. We were only centimeters apart, I could feel his warm breath on my face. Our sudden proximity got me motionless and I couldn't stop wondering if he was also holding the urge to lean into a kiss.

"Boruto, I'm home" Guess we will never know. Shikadai's voice filled the house and Boruto and I broke apart, both blushing hard. Shikadai soon appeared at the room’s door. "Sorry, I didn't know you were here, Sarada."

"It's okay." I moved my sight to Boruto. "I think we should stop studying anyway. Will you give me that ride?" I stood up fixing my clothes, and both Boruto and Shikadai stared at me; confusion drawn in his faces. "What?"

"Is it because I got home?" Shikadai asked unsure.

Flustered, I answered him shooking my head. "Noooo, of course not. It's just late and we gotta sleep well for our test tomorrow, right Boruto?"

"Yeah, I guess. We can go, then." He blushed and things got weirder. I left the room first and Boruto trade some word with Shikadai before catching my pace.

The car ride to my home was even more awkward than it was earlier that same day. After all, what was that? Everything was fine before that moment. And why was he blushing? I had a lot of questions floating in my head and I only noticed I was home when he stopped the car.

"So..." He started.

"So?" we looked blankly at each other. He wanted to say something but started measuring if that was the right moment to say whatever that was in his mind. I decided for him. "Thanks for the day, see you tomorrow." I left the car with no more words.

Sincerely I could not take anymore more minute thinking about him when he was right beside me. I don't know, it felt weird, like if I was hiding something from him. Indeed, I was hiding but still, I didn't enjoy that feeling. I totally chickened out and I knew it, and I was sure I would hide that part when I told my day to Chocho. When did I become a liar? I waved him from outside the car and waited his car to disappear from my sight before entering my building. I knew I was overthinking a lot but... What was that?

The lights were all turned on in my apartment and the first thing I saw was a blue haired guy underneath a beautiful girl, both faces glued on one another. “...hi?” They stopped the making out session to look at me. Mitsuki waved me with his weird smile plastered on his face. Chocho only took a glimpse at my presence before turning to her boyfriend again. “You guys know you could like, be doing this in her room, right?”

“Yes, we know, thanks.” Chocho said between kisses. Then she leaned to kiss his neck, leaving Mitsuki free to talk to me.

“How are you, Sarada? I heard you were with Boruto.”

I started to move to my room. I sure loved them and the fact that they were together, but did I deserve to watch their make out session? No. Touching my room’s handle, I decided to answer Mitsuki. “Yes, whatever.”

That must’ve clicked a bottom on Chocho gossip side, so she stopped what she was doing to approach me. “Girl what happened?”

That’s what I want to know. “Nothing.”

“Why are you so moody? Something must have happened.” She stared Mitsuki for a brief moment, sadness in her eyes. “I’m sorry, baby, we continue some other day, okay?” She walked him to the door.

“Please not in the living room.” I said. Chocho sent me and annoyed look and Mitsuki only smiled. They hugged and kissed while I waited Chocho to finish saying goodbye to her boyfriend.

As soon as she closed the door behind, her gaze fixed on me. “Nothing must be good because I just ditched my boyfriend to hear you.”

“To be fair, I didn’t ask you.”

“...Out loud, I know what’s in your head no words needed.” Oh, I knew that. “Come on, sit here with me.” She motions for me to sit by her couch. I leave my bag on the floor and pace till the place she pointed. I sighed.

I explained the whole day to her, of course avoiding the ride part, and she listened carefully, not even making any question. “So, that was it. Maybe I’m seeing too much into things and rushing and it was actually not meant to be anything but I’m confused.”

“Maybe you are. You will need to ask him.”

“No way I’m asking him anything.” I shook my head. “I won’t. That’s a fucking no.”

“No cursing allowed in this house, girl. You don’t need to be direct, just ask him about his feelings. You guys are friends and your ask won’t be weird.”

“I guess so...” I looked around the house and noticed a purple figure missing. “Off topic, where is Sumire? Shouldn’t she, like, be here to avoid that kind of lascivious behavior I spotted in our living room?” Our third roommate was generally the quiet and prude kind, the one that kept me and Chocho under watch, saving us from ourselves most of the time.

“First, who the hell says ‘lascivious’? Are you eighty? Second, she’ll be staying at her boyfriend’s tonight.”

My mouth dropped open in total disbelief. “She is what now? And what?”

“You didn’t know about that? Do you still live in this house with us?” Chocho crossed her arms and raised her brows completely pissed.

Oh no, she’s in the mood. I tried to change the subject as fast as I could. The truth is I had been spending too much time with Boruto lately. “So, have you met him already? Does he treat her well?”

“No and I don’t know. She is hiding him from us because she is afraid we will discover something sick about his past. Where did she get that from?” I was pretty sure the “us” was added by Chocho herself.

I giggled. “I don’t know, maybe from her last three boyfriends.”

“Hey, she should be thankful for what we found out, they were trash. Or did she want to marry someone who had a YOLO tattoo?”

“I still don’t know how you found out about that.”

“Girl, I have my methods. Don’t question them, just follow the flow.”

A quick glance at my phone made me notice how late it actually was. “Anyway, time sure flew by today. I’ll have a test early tomorrow so I’ll better be going.”

“Okay, don’t forget that I’m here anything.” I smiled and Chocho smiled back. I knew she would.

...

I usually was a morning person. Seeing the sun rise was something that I loved but I couldn’t give me that lux that day. I woke up 7AM with my alarm buzzing like crazy. But when I took my phone, there was a notification. Who could it be that early in the morning? I got up putting my glasses and unlocking my phone. It was Boruto.

3:23AM Idiot

We gotta talk. Wait for me if you finish

the test first, ‘kay?

#borusara #borutoxsarada #borusarafics #boruto #sarada uchiha #naruto next generation #mitsucho #shikadai #borusara au

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nicoletteduclare · 5 years

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Okay so I haven’t gotten a lot new done on this, but I’ve been rereadings and doing minor edits here and there. so here it is as of rn, in full form

Maxwell would have closed his eyes if it wasn't for the probable chance he'd get an earful about not paying attention, then he'd have to reply and to reply, he'd have to cough up the petals he can feel just sitting in his throat. And well, that would be a whole new issue to handle, that apparently concerns what they're all talking about. Which is, of course, people having far more frequent dips in their mental stability.

They're all suffering from whatever is causing it, and Max would add in that he is too, but he has an idea of what's causing it.

He's been suffering through it for seasons now. Seeing terrorbeaks out of the corner of his eyes, headaches, the world has a tendency to turn grey after a day or so if he doesn't bother to fix the problem... and it's all due to the petals that he'd really like to go cough up right now and bury or convert to nightmare fuel so no one could accidentally stumble upon them. They're full of thorns, and they've been getting worse... there's always a tinge of copper in his mouth these days.

He'd always thought that this was a myth, some fairy-tale disease. He'd struggled to tell Charlie at first, for god's sake, and he'd never coughed up petals. And he'd loved her, loved her so much and then he'd failed and ruined the both of them.

That leaves a sour pit in his stomach just thinking about it. That's maybe one of many, if not one of the biggest reasons that he's ended up with these petals stuck in his throat. Why get close to someone to fail them too, to most likely ruin them the way he's managed to destroy everything else. What's the point of even thinking it was possible? It'd blow up in his face, and what if they end up worse off then Charlie?

He'll choke to death on these flowers before letting that happen again. There's a nudge from his side, "I'm really starting to wonder if you ever pay attention to anything we talk about." Wilson said, a frown on his face.

He either has to cough these up or swallow them, and as much as it hurt, he looks to the side to swallow and turns back. "I pay plenty of attention, Higgsbury." He manages a dry, even tone, even though his throat is raw.

There's a annoyed sigh and Wilson pinches the bridge of his nose, a flower crown perched nicely on his head. "Whatever. We're going to move camps tomorrow to see if maybe there's something we've missed that's been dragging down everyone. It's been getting pretty bad, though I doubt you're even aware of it."

Max just nods, it looks like he's agreeing with Wilson, and watches the other get up and walk off, the urge to cough again rising. If only Wilson knew half of it. Though, if Wilson even knew... He bites the inside of his cheek to keep the coughing reflex down and gets up to go dispose of the petals. It probably wouldn't make much difference anyway. - He'd already died a quite a few times of it before anyone finally noticed, really. Not that he could fully recall what the deaths were like, and whenever he came back no one pressed it. Max heard Willow mutter something about him being irresponsible, and he fell back into the habit of being alone for everyone's sake, including his own.

The idea of it being found out, besides mortifying, was that there would be questions. Attempts to fix it.

And the idea that his affections would be reciprocated was frankly, downright hilarious in the worst possible way. So Maxwell had accepted the thorny stems, the sharp black and rusty red petals as his penance. The worsening headaches and the fact that the world was frequently dull grey shot with streaks of red was just a added bonus, even as he managed to keep himself from teetering at the edge of his sanity, the world was never quite as colorful as it should be. His time between deaths was getting shorter, and the man had to wonder if there was a point where it'd just be hours between them. That, or the terrorbeaks and such would finally get him.

Maybe it's what he deserved. Through his time with the ragged band of survivors he'd managed to pull into this mad little game, in what was most likely years upon years now, guilt did find it's own ways in.

Just as well to have a punishment that fit that sort of crime.

It'd only been a week ago, and even without really remembering how each death felt, Max somewhat knew that it was close to the end again, as he was on his hands and knees, blood dripping from his mouth and onto the not-so small pile of dark petals below.

His arms were shaking, and yet he heard a voice. Max tried to force himself to stand, he couldn't let this be seen. Especially not by...

"Stars and atoms, Maxwell, what the hell are you-..." The statement didn't finish as Max choked up more petals, gagging on this bunch. A pathetic gasp for air as there was an arm trying to help him up, winding underneath his chest. It was too late this time. - He woke up at camp, and that might be the scariest thing by far, seeing as he hadn't had the materials to recreate a meat effigy since the first death by petals, and touchstones were what he was relying on to give him time to manage the coughing fits.

No, this time it was twilight and there was Wilson looking at him, the rest of the camp seemed... empty. Until he realized that it was their latest abandoned camp, only a couple of seasons old, fire-pit still in good condition.

He was still on the ground and was joined by Wilson kneeling. "Why didn't you tell anyone, you idiot!" Was hissed between teeth as Wilson was digging in his bag for something, and Max could only give a confused look at him at first before dawning realization set in fully.

Wilson must have seen him die. Wilson had seen the petals. Not that he could remember it of course, but it was the only conclusion.

Wilson knew, and that was quite frankly terrifying, due to that realization Max could barely react before one of those godawful needles was used. "How long?" Wilson asked, evaluating him, eyes bright and narrowed. "Frankly, if it wasn't for my mother's tale of her younger sister dying of it, I wouldn't have even believed it." He muttered, grabbing another needle as Maxwell pulled away finally.

He pushed down the sleeve and stood on slightly weak legs, ignoring his aching head and heart. "None of your business." Max said, tense and quiet.

"None of my business?" Wilson stood too, practically glaring daggers at Maxwell, and the man looked to the side to avoid it. "You think that it's none of my business when you're managing to affect the rest of us? I saw what kind of flower you were coughing up. Not to mention dying so often that I'd assume it's wasting resources. You think that any of that isn't my business, Maxwell?" It's venomous, and Max grit his teeth to keep from coughing up the blasted things right now, he knew it was always going to be a lost cause and this proved it. He silently turned on his heel and walked away, vision swimming. - Max sorted through his pack, just to make sure all of his things were accounted for. The codex, for one, as useless as it was in his current state, not to mention an assortment of food, winter gear, tools, a few salves, and torches. He hadn't taken much, seeing as he knew he had a walking death sentence. Just the essentials that he'd try to retireve from his corpse for the fifth time since heading off on his own. He shivered as he managed on the vest and earmuffs, sliding a unheated thermal stone into the interior pocket he'd stitched.

Next to his pack currently was a copied map of the underground cave system, touchstones marked off and slashed through. Max knew he was running out of them, but he couldn't face anyone right now. He wondered if anyone had believed Wilson, if the man had said anything. Honestly, even with the reality of magic, Maxwell had considered this disease a myth. A story told to children and young adults to warn them away from pining for people they could never be with. Well, he'd never listened to that, had he? His chest ached thanks to the flowers that were going to suffocate him once again.

Max remembered the first time he'd woken up to the urge to cough as he folded up the map and stood, walking away from the pile of bones. That night they'd both been working on bandaging themselves up after a mistake in the desert. Hound mounds were always trouble, and Wilson had forgotten the range. One of his own wounds was on his back, and Wilson had lent a hand in bandaging it up. Normally, he'd refuse the help, but it wasn't like he was able to fully bandage his back properly.

Some of their usual banter was exchanged, but Wilson's warm hands were against his back, a mutter of how lucky he was that it was superficial, and all too soon it was finished. The other had looked like he'd seen better days, the night wearing on an already tired mind. Max had offered to take over first watch, a rarity in itself, and Wilson had smiled at him before heading to bed.

There had been a flutter in Max's chest at the tired smile, a slightly wilted flower crown perched on Wilson's head to try and combat the night's effects. He'd tried very hard not to think about it when Wickerbottom came to relieve him of the job halfway through the night, and went to bed with a terrifying realization, then woke up to the start of a nightmare.

Looking back, that wasn't the catalyst of his affections for Wilson, but it was the first time he'd ever noticed that he cared so deeply and that had scared him. It still scared him. There was a awful gut feeling that came along with that, as well as the suffocating flowers that kept killing him.

He ruined things so easily. He ruined his last love, and so Max was fairly certain that even on the off chance Wilson would have returned his feelings, he'd destroy that too. With their last conversation still occasionally on his mind, more the tone then the words... well, at least he couldn't break something that wasn't ever going to happen.

Max shivered again, looking for a good place to set up a fire for the night. - Wilson huffed at he looked at the fracturing of the rock he was trying to break apart. He'd been at this for a while now, trying to get a handle on the anxiety he'd felt the moment he stumbled upon a new skeleton. There wasn't a satchel or anything of note around it. For all he knew, it wasn't one of theirs, just one he'd missed.

Still. Just seeing it made him feel sick. Stupid bloody Maxwell. Vanishing the day after Wilson had seen him die by coughing up flowers. Hanahaki is at least what his mother referred to it as, and he always thought it was a more poetic way of saying 'she died of a broken heart.'

It must have been horrifying for her. It'd been horrifying enough for Wilson. Maxwell's mouth was dripping blood into the pile of dark colored petals as he asphyxiated. He shuddered and picked up his tool again. Why hadn't he just said something? To someone, anyone?

He had to find out by finding the man in the middle of suffocating. On reflection, his words after were maybe a little sharp, but he'd been terrified, worried, and upset Max hadn't even mentioned it when it was affecting everyone else too. Instead, apparently, Maxwell had decided to go pull a vanishing act, and he hadn't been able to find him. Wilson scowled and swung the pick-axe again. It helped, a little. Something to busy the hands and physical enough that afterwords he wouldn't be pacing in anxiety.

He'd talked to Wickerbottom about it in private, just out of the need to confide in someone; she'd looked stunned that out of all the things, he was coughing up evil flowers along with already suffering the normal struggles of the disease. There was the theory that the flower type might be more along the lines of being a flower he used and as bad as they were for sanity, grateful for, seeing as he converted them into the nightmare fuel used to make his clones. That, or it was a direct influence of his use of nightmare fuel. Which didn't bode well for the rest of them, but.. Wilson hadn't seen him summon a clone in a while. And for a long time, was using only one where he before he typically used two.

And then there was the question of pinning, but really, Wilson knew who it was. How could it be for anyone but Miss Charlie. He knew very little about her, but the few times he'd managed anything out of Max about her, there was a level of sad adoration mixed with the rare to see guilt that Max had over it. Just a few glimpses and Wilson knew Max loved her dearly.

It was a little bit frustrating when he realized his own affections for Max ran deeper, but he'd accepted it with ease at the time. That was usually how his life went, there wasn't anything he could do about it; so why bother tying himself up in knots over it?

But he did want to help. Maybe they could figure out a way to ease it so Maxwell didn't keep dying, or something. The story he'd been told by his mother always said there wasn't a cure that didn't also remove the feelings towards the other person, but Wilson couldn't see how that was possible.

There had to be a way. - It wasn't the nicest way to wake up, hacking up his lungs on a straw roll, the last few embers of a fire remaining in the dawn light, but it these days Max was getting used to it. He threw the flowers in the fire, pulling the second gobbler leg from where he'd stored it, using the paper he'd wrapped it in to also fuel the fire before working on cooking the leg to some form of done-ness.

The semi-burned gobbler leg wasn't greatest meal, but it was more filling then just a few charred carrots. And it made him at least feel a bit warmer, though the thermal stone warming up quickly with how close he sat to the fire was probably the real source of it.

Max finally finished with the paltry meal and took the remains of the roll and threw it onto the fire as well, skewering a few green mushroom caps to a stick to roast while the fire started to die again.

It wasn't long until he left, mushrooms wrapped and put gently on the top of his pack, fire smoldering until it would die. He didn't have the time to spend all day here, and the ashes would vanish under the snow. It wouldn't be long until he died again, and Max couldn't help but wonder how many days he had left this time. Not that it truly mattered, with the way things had been going. A close encounter with a terrorbeak that reminded him to try to sleep again, staying up all night wasn't exactly helping his already drastically low sanity.

Maybe it'd be easier to let one of those kill him instead. Bloody, for sure, but it's not like he'd fully remember the pain. He'd been carefully hoarding green and blue mushrooms to keep his sanity and health in check, but maybe it's just be easier to get it over with.

Still, not today. He might not even have a touchstone left, if the map was wrong or, a more likely option, he'd already used it on one of those wonderful times the lot of them were out in the cave. Then he'd be stuck for a while, even with the natural draw of ghosts towards the living. Max doubted that any of them would immediately bring him back, and worse, they'd corner him if they did.

He'd sigh if it wasn't for the pressure against his throat as he had to lean against a tree to hack up the latest batch of petals. Blasted things. He pocketed them to burn, he had plenty of nightmare fuel, and Max figured any trace that would lead to him was best disposed of.

It barely was morning and he was already starting to see faint shadows lurking. Would this keep accelerating until he wouldn't be able to go a few hours without a slew of mushrooms? He thought barely being able to last a day, not to even mention getting through a night was bad enough.

He shuddered and started to cough again, petals littering the icy ground as Max finally managed to stop, breathing hard. Stupid flowers. He winced as the faint shadows seemed to get more solid, and pulled the pack around to fish out his mushrooms. Wouldn't help the pain in his throat, but that was nothing compared to trying to fight off a shadow, and most likely failing.

He hadn't even swallowed when there was a crunch of snow behind him. There hadn't been any howls, so it couldn't be hounds...

Max turned, swallowing the mushroom as he stared at Wilson, who was staring back, before turning and running, a shout to stop behind him. - He'd been pacing around camp again, to the point where even the kids knew something was on his mind and everyone else who was currently in camp was probably ready to throttle him. Wickerbottom certainly looked like it as she calmly told him he might do better burning off that excess energy doing something useful, like chopping more wood, despite the approaching nightfall.

So now, here he was, in the midst of the woods, a small campfire in the clearing burning brightly enough to keep him safe as he started to chop down a tree. Wilson had found himself doing these chores a lot lately, the repetitive motion seemed to help somewhat. His brain was churning as he swung the axe, trying to figure out any sort of way to help Max, if he could get a hold of the man. There at least had to be a way to keep the flowers from affecting everyone else, and keep him from suffocating on them, even if he'd have to live with them.

But there was the biggest problem. Finding him. Wilson had kept an eye out for any sort of sign of Max, from fires and skeletons to just footprints.

He'd seen a few new skeletons when he'd been drug along to gather rabbit fur for new bed rolls and felt his stomach sink at the thought of Max dying alone, suffocating in the snow. Or, another option was him dying to shadow creatures. Another depressing outcome, seeing as he didn't have anyone to even attempt to protect him.

There couldn't be many places to hide, even the longer treks from camp were only a handful of days. Maxwell had to encounter one of them at some point. Wilson listened to the thunk of the tree hitting the ground before he started on breaking up the log. Stars, it didn't help his anxiety that he still was dwelling on what he'd said when he'd revived Max. What if he'd bit back his anger? Maybe he could have actually saved himself all of this frustration and worry.

Wilson huffed and capped his axe in the stump as he started to gather up the leafy branches to fuel his little fire before sitting down. He'd gather the logs and dig up the stump later. Even with all this, even with knowing who was probably at the heart of Maxwell's pining... His chest ached for Maxwell's situation, it probably would ache if Max was just a friend. But it was worse with how much he cared about Max.

He'd accepted that it wasn't going to happen immediately after figuring out his feelings about Maxwell. He'd put it behind him, and enjoyed their stupid arguments until they went too far and the times Maxwell actually was willing to explain about magic instead of being his usual cagey self. The times Max was the voice of reason when they were out exploring, and sometimes, the reverse. They both had a tendency to get in over their heads, but they seemed to also be able to pull one other back when they'd gone too far.

And now he needed to pull Max back and help him, because he was most certainly in over his head.

The fire flickered and Wilson threw another branch into the flames. At least the physical work was exhausting, he needed to eat, but maybe he'd pull his bedroll out and get some rest. That, or he'd end up awake all night thinking. At least he had something more then jerky, though that was also in his pack, but there had been enough in the fridge to make a stuffed eggplant that he was going to have a few morsels with.

Food was always a good distraction, Wilson had to focus on making sure he didn't doze off and drop the morsels into the fire, and the warm, filling meal was certainly enough to make him fairly sure that he could sleep tonight. It wasn't too long until he'd made sure the fire was burning brightly, enough fuel to keep it alive and bright through the night, and spread out the fur roll. As he watched the flames flicker, Wilson had to hope Max was managing to stay alive. Maybe he'd go check around one of the cave entrances in the morning, that had been where the new skeletons had appeared.

That was also the first thought on his mind as he got himself in order for the day, chewing on a piece of jerky as he bundled the logs into the bottom of his pack. It wasn't a walk to look forward to, but he'd would rather a long walk then more pacing and overthinking.

With his axe retrieved, Wilson was just glad they hadn't had another snowstorm. Walking in this was hard enough. The freezing wind was still harsh on his face and fingers, even as he was completely prepped for the cold weather; hat, beard, and vest, along with a thermal stone. He had to turn out of the wind whenever a particularly strong breeze came by to keep his nose and eyes from stinging too badly.

A few hours since sunrise, and Wilson was fairly certain he was about to be out of the woods and into the sparse clearing before a rock field. Maybe once he hit the rocks he'd head back to camp.

All those thoughts went right out the window as he heard a harsh hacking in the distance and it was impossible to mask his footsteps, but as Max came into view Wilson could see him hunched over, shaking against a tree, looking around like he was surrounded. And Wilson had a feeling he might be, as the other turned to grab his bag, a mushroom in hand and soon in mouth as Wilson got closer. He'd been noticed, Wilson knew that as soon as Maxwell suddenly went on the alert and turned to look at him.

What he wasn't expecting was Maxwell to just bolt like a scared animal, not even pausing at a "Wait, stop, Max!" And Wilson followed.

Fully out of the forest and across the clearing and then... down into the caves. They'd both worked to pull out a torch without stopping, the trick to keep them basically strapped to the pack working well, as they lit their way in the dark. This part of the cave didn't seem to have light-bulb flowers, or at least, they were currently withered on the floor.

Wilson suddenly realized that Max had probably been using the caves, that should have been more obvious considering the skeletons. Easier to retrieve your things if you died right above where you'd be reviving. And, considering the chance of unused touchstones down there, despite Max's comments on claustrophobia, it made sense.

Maxwell wasn't stopping, and frankly, Wilson wasn't either. "Maxwell! Seriously, stop, please!" He shouted as they headed down a narrow causeway, and Wilson spied one of their markings on the wall, something Max might have missed in his panic. It was a dead-end. A good thing, logically, at least, but at the same time he didn't want to trap him.

And then there was a rumble from above and Wilson swallowed. Okay, dead end, most certainly not a good thing in a earthquake. "It's a dead end!" He said, trying to be loud enough to be heard over the rumble. Though, it seemed like Max had already hit the end and was against the wall, practically coughing up his lungs.

Even with the rumbling, Wilson still rushed over to Max and gently touched his shoulder with his free hand at first, Max catching his breath before descending into another fit, petals falling into a growing pile at his feet.

All Wilson could do at the moment was rub his back until the fit started to calm again. He hated the helpless feeling in his guts, but what could he realistically do right now? "Do you have any water or anything?" Wilson asked, before really getting a good look at him in the faint torchlight. His eyes were scanning for things that weren't there, it was so bad Wilson was starting to notice faint outlines, and he pushed Max to the floor of the cave before he slid the man's bag off his shoulders. He had a mushroom in his hands earlier, and Wilson hoped he had more.

Which he did, thank the stars, along with one of their water-skins, and Wilson pushed the mushroom at Max first, before scooting away to start a proper fire. There was silence, aside from the occasional rumble. They'd lucked out, nothing like a cave-in, but now here they were, Max now looking away from him, water-skin in hand. The sinking stone of helplessness in his guts got worse, and Wilson tried to at least look reassuring. "You've been gone awhile, you know?" There was just a quiet noise of agreement in Max's throat, and nothing else. So they were going to do this again. Wonderful. - Max leaned his head back against the wall of the cave, cursing everything. Why did it have to be Wilson? Not that it wasn't exceedingly comforting to have someone try to ease the pain, not to mention the fact that it was Wilson of all people, but this was bound to go in a direction he wasn't ready to tread. Wilson had expressed some sort of familiarity with this... from family, if Max could recall correctly. He'd only known it from fairy tales, a more glamorous account really. Rose petals falling from the mouth of a pinning maid for a prince or a knight or something.

If Wilson had a better sense of this then he did, well... this was going to go quite poorly. There was bound to be an inquiry into who.

This 'who' was currently staring at him from aside the fire, evaluating him. Since the last question he barely gave a response to, Wilson was just watching. He just wanted it to be over. Even though the last coughing fit was through, his chest was aching from it, as well as from being confronted with Wilson's care. He didn't deserve it, besides, wasn't Wilson making it worse on himself just being here? Why did he care, Maxwell had been sure to take care to make sure it wasn't any of Wilson's business now.

There was the awful scratchy feeling in the back of his throat and once again he was coughing. Blood came with it this time, the petals were larger, a few full flowers as well. It didn't help Wilson had his hands on his back again, and Max wanted him both to leave and stay right there in equal measure.

His mouth felt awful, like the flowers had managed to slice his cheeks too, with brambles or thorns or something sharp. He tried to hide the shake from exhaustion and once again lowering sanity, enough that things were looking dull even in the bright fire light, and his head ached with it before he looked up at the sound of music ringing in his ears.

"Wil- Higgsbury, the fire." Max's voice was raw but he could see the shadow hand starting to reach out, and Wilson left his side immediately to handle it before coming back, a few mushrooms handed over. A blue one in the mix this time, which was lovely as the green ones had a tendency to make the bleeding in his mouth worse.

It was silent again, and out of the corner of his eye Max watched Wilson weaving a flower crown. He probably needed it after Max had coughed up what looked like a whole ring's worth of flowers. There was that focused, narrowed in on whatever he was doing look on Wilson's face that Max was quite fond of, but he had to look away. It just made his heart hurt worse.

There were footsteps again, and a flower crown settled nicely on top of the awful winter hat Max had needed for warmth. "We're going to head back to camp." Wilson said, there was a insistence in the 'we.' "I'll see if we don't have the immediate supplies for a effigy, if not, I'll make sure there's a heart or two available so you don't have to exist as a ghost if this gets worse." Max finally looked back at him and regretted it. There was a sad smile under all that beard and it almost could have made someone more hopeful believe Wilson might love him back.

The cynic in him said it was because there was something that he was needed for, though that also didn't make much sense, considering the whole everyone's sanity was in jeopardy with these flowers blooming in him. It was probably just was the fact that Wilson had a tendency to help people. After the initial being thrown together in this world and that fistfight, Wilson had extended him a kebab, even after everything.

So it didn't exactly mean much of anything, now did it?

Max just nodded and stood, gathering the petals and throwing the whole lot into the fire. They at least burned nicely when one didn't have much else to do with them. Wilson ignited a torch in the resulting flame and they started back down the pathway. As they walked, he could feel the urge to cough come back and he just swallowed it down. There wasn't the time for that, and even though swallowing down the petals was also a bad idea, it was better then making a scene, even as they got out of the cave and hit snow. It was falling again, and they both shivered at a hard gust of wind.

Still, Max reasoned that if Wilson was dead set on getting back to camp today, they were going to have to walk through this. - Wilson scowled at the shadowy hand as he chased it away from the fire. He couldn't take this, there was a small trickle of blood down Max's lips even. The man looked so out of it, and if he was starting to cough up blood as well, Wilson wasn't sure how much time they'd have until he had to revive him.

Maybe if he could keep Max's health up he'd at least be able to make it back to camp. And something like a flower crown to lower the severe drops in his mental state when he did end up coughing.

He pulled out the mushrooms from his own bag, he'd replenish his stash of them for travels once they hit camp, and passed them over to Max, barely able to look at him. He had to make a meat effigy or something to replace the touchstones, and he didn't have any telltale heart supplies on him right now. Wilson busied his hands with making a flower crown instead. If he needed one, he had a wilting one stashed in his pack, but a fresh one would probably do a world of wonder for Max.

With luck, it wouldn't be more then a few hours of walking back to camp, and they'd hit it before nightfall. Wilson stood with the finished crown and walked over to Max and plopped it over the hat. Stars, he'd laugh at how silly it looked, especially on Maxwell, if it wasn't for everything, and just softly smiled before telling him that they were heading back together to camp, and his plans if Max died on him.

There wasn't much of a response, but Wilson could hardly blame him after that last fit. After lighting a torch, they were off walking, and Wilson couldn't help but keep looking back to make sure Maxwell was still there. That he hadn't run the other way and Wilson would have to chase after him, again.

He would, of course. Maybe back when he was still angry, he would have given up and walked away, but seasons after seasons have passed. While they physically weren't older, the wounds had closed enough that the bitterness gave way to old, buried emotions. Their odd companionship through a radio as he built the portal and Maxwell had talked.

Instead of running, Max followed silently. It was almost surreal to not have some sort of sarcastic commentary or complaint out of the other's mouth, especially once both of them finally exited the cave. The snow was blinding, and Wilson had to blink a few times to adjust to the light refraction off of it. Didn't help that even though it was bright, there was snow falling again, winds starting to whip. He almost had his doubts about getting back to camp, but out of the side of his eye Wilson could see Maxwell swallow hard, and he had to suspect Max was avoiding coughing up petals by forcing them down.

Stars, this man was too stubborn, and while it was at times amusing, at other times it was completely and utterly annoying.

This was the latter, but with another look at the trudge ahead, Wilson sighed and put out the torch. There were bigger things to handle, and he might as well save that for the next time he needed it. "Come on, shouldn't be too hard a walk." He said, barely getting anything in return.

Max was probably feeling awful already, Wilson tried to remind himself. Snapping would make things worse, it certainly didn't help the first time. He stopped himself from sighing and readjusted his satchel on his shoulders, and started on, listening for the footsteps behind him.

They were only maybe an hour in when the snow worsened, and Wilson felt blind as the flakes pummeled his face. He stopped and reached back, waiting until he felt Maxwell bump against his hand. Wilson managed to grope around blindly to find Max's hand. "I need you to tug me to a stop if you need a break," He said over the wind. "I know the way, but I won't be able to see you and I'm not about to leave you behind."

It wasn't easy, navigating through the snowstorm, then he did feel a pull on his hand before it was dropped, and Wilson stepped back to find him. Oh stars, he had to kneel in the snow to find Max on his knees again, and he sounded like he was practically puking up the petals. There wasn't much he could do right now, and Wilson hated to do this but once it sounded like the worst of it was over, he tugged Maxwell up and drug him in the direction he was fairly certain was the woods.

Hopefully, the trees would buffer the wind and Wilson could actually see and make a successful fire. The world was grey, though Wilson was fairly sure that was the snow messing with his sight and not his own sanity.

Just to be sure though, once they were settled, he was going to tuck into the last of his green mushrooms for the both of them. Maybe another blue one for Maxwell.

They had to get deep into the woods for the wind to die to a manageable level, and he winced at the way Max dropped like a rock once he let him go to prep another fire. He didn't get a good look at the man as he heard more coughing, though he did get a quite a good look at the shadows surrounding them. They were completely tangible and Wilson looked back at Maxwell, who was shaking on his hands and knees, a pile of blood stained petals below.

Then the shadows started to notice them, as well.

In a panic, Wilson dug for his axe. Why hadn't he carried a spear? He managed it out just as one got too close for comfort and whacked at it, falling back and hoping to god none of the others took an interest in Max instead of him. - He barely could walk with the shaking panic and intense chest pain as Wilson hoisted him up to get into the woods, much less attempt to look around. Max kept his eyes closed and just tried to keep his legs moving without choking up more of the cursed petals.

Though, once Wilson let go, it was hard to hold back the urge to cough with the wind taken out of him. He couldn't even tell how much blood there was, his vision had gone grey and red, and Max collapsed into the snow, not exactly caring about the implications of his absolutely drained sanity, just trying to breathe. It wasn't often Maxwell had experienced this in full, he usually managed to get some of his sanity back before it got this far, even now, and the headache was almost completely incapacitating mixed with the pain in his chest.

It was freezing, and he hazily wondered if he'd freeze before dying to a shadow if he just laid here, he had to be close to the end of this run anyway.

His eyes were closed, though at one point the headache lessened, and then again. His body still ached, but he could think clearly.

There was only one option as to why the headache was vanishing, and as his eyes opened, closing again at the cold snow right next to his face, the crunch of footsteps in snow approaching him. "Oh stars, please don't be choking to death, Max." Was a mutter.

"I'm alive, I'm alive." Max's throat was raw again, and it ached as he pushed himself out of the snow. There were a few less violent coughs to try and lessen the tightness in his chest, accompanied with a few petals. Still, he managed to get a look at Wilson, who was gripping an axe like his life depended on it, his left shoulder bleeding through the vest. "You should have ran, pal. You don't look too good."

Wilson rolled his eyes, "You don't look or sound that great, either. I'll just count us lucky they decided I was more tempting then you." There was a smile that made Max's chest hurt with more then just the flowers and cold and he looked away as it faded with a wince as Wilson tried to move his injured arm. "I think we'll have to camp out here tonight, maybe the storm will die down by morning. Do you think you can let me know this time before things get that bad?"

It was rare to want to shrink back with shame, but Max almost did before he shook it off, trying to keep up the mask. Wilson was bleeding pretty badly as he walked over to his dropped bag and started to set up a campfire as Max struggled up to join him. "You really should have left me, pal." He mentioned again, watching the flint finally spark to ignite the grass. "I'm already just waiting to die again, would have been easier to just let it happen."

Wilson practically glared at him, and Max looked away from it. "I'm fairly certain you've died more then enough due to this in the last year, Maxwell. I went out to find you, and as much of a stubborn idiot you are, you need help with this." There was silence between them for a few moments, and a sigh. "Pass me your bag, I'll see what we have between us for dinner tonight. I have some jerky, though you always complain about it, and I'm fairly sure I have some mushroom caps left."

"It's fine, Higgsbury." Max's tone was some semblance of dry, though it was ruined by the obvious stress in his vocal cords. He shrugged it off his shoulders and passed it over. "I might have some bandages in there, I didn't end up with many injuries that needed them." At least it'd be something useful in there. He didn't want to touch the topic of Wilson searching for him, for god's sake, this had already been a disaster.

The food was laid out along with the bandages. A small bundle of carrots, a pouch of small strips of jerky, and a pile of mushrooms, a few cooked, a few not. "I think you need the green ones more then I do, and one of the blue mushrooms." Wilson muttered, more to himself as he shrugged off half of the puffy vest and started to peel off the other layers to reach his shoulder.

He might as well be somewhat useful, and even with shaking hands, took the bandage. "Let me help you bandage this then, shoulders are difficult." Max said quietly, wincing at the slightly black tinged bite marks. They certainly left nightmare fuel over everything.

Wilson quietly nodded, and Max wrapped it with practiced ease, they both probably could do this, but it helped ease the shame somewhat.

With it wrapped, Wilson took one of the blue mushrooms and popped it in his mouth while getting the shirt back over the bad arm, less of a wince this time. Max worked on skewering the uncooked green mushrooms and placed the over the fire. It was unnervingly quiet, and with the sun starting to set, Max could tell it was going to be a long night. - It'd been surprising to have Max offer to help bandage up the arm, the man looked like he was about to tilt over, but Wilson wasn't one to refuse help, especially for something as simple as wrapping up a bloody wound. Besides, it was nice to at least get a little bit of care after risking life and limb for him. He'd do it anyway though, stars, how could he leave him to die?

It was quiet, though after the day they've had, he wasn't surprised. He just cooked the carrots and passed over what basically amounted to a few strips of jerky, two carrots, and a handful of roasted green caps, along with one blue mushroom to help with whatever blood loss had happened.

There were a few left for tomorrow, and one green and one blue mushroom for himself, along with the other half of the carrots and jerky. There was shockingly no complain at the jerky from Maxwell. Stars, that alone was indication enough that they both were out of it. Before this, there were times when Max had been bleeding and starving and had still had the audacity to complain about jerky. At least he could shove the fur roll at Max, that should also hopefully keep any more disasters from occurring. At least with the mushrooms, Maxwell already looks a bit more alive, though there's still blood on his face.

Stars, as troublesome as the day had been, Wilson can't help but find comfort in the relative peace of the moment. They're alive, and he has somewhat of a plan, and he isn't worrying about this idiot being alone. Which, geez, under what circumstances right now would he leave Max to die? Wilson couldn't help but be baffled by Maxwell's utterly ridiculous notion that running would have been the proper thing to do.

Frankly, it seemed a little out of sorts for him. Wilson was tempted to ask what was up with that, but considering the whole 'waiting to die' thing, it may have just been a matter of misplaced practicality.

Instead of sighing, Wilson shook his head and ate. Right now, it was pointless. There were things they needed to handle, but while they were alone, trying to get through a snowstorm, and not dying to anything, Wilson was fairly sure a discussion on 'how long have you had it, how fast is the progression now, is there anything you think would help,' would be either have Max running, again, or just a very tense night.

Instead, Wilson threw another log onto the fire and pulled out the bed roll, lightly tossing it over. "I'll handle watch tonight."

Maxwell caught the roll, but frowned in Wilson's direction. "I'm fairly certain you fare worse in the night then I do."

"That was before you got sick, Max. Go to bed. I can handle one night, once we get back to camp we both can sleep." Wilson didn't look at Max, though he had a feeling there was an eye-roll as he could hear shifting. Wilson just didn't want to wake up and have to handle more shadows.

It was silent until he heard a very quite, "Thank you, Wilson." Oh, that was rare. Gratefulness and his first name. Wilson didn't look back, but it did prompt a smile.

"Night, Maxwell." He was looking forward to getting back to camp, at least. Ah, but there was one issue with taking longer to get back, though, now that he thought about it. People would be more awake, people with more questions then Wilson. He didn't want to hear any sort of response to someone being nosy and actually asking. 'So who are you pining over?' Even though he already knew who it was, there was something about hearing it out loud that even the thought of it made his stomach turn.

Why couldn't he fully close the book on this stupid one-sided affection. He knew it was pointless. They made a good team when they weren't fighting, and were now on friendly terms after a fair amount of time as allies with a truce. He'd gotten good at ignoring it, accepting it as a thing that would fade, and maybe he should try to find things like love in more likely places.

And then Max had to get sick and hide it until he just happened to stumbled onto Max in the process of dying. Ran off right after Wilson cut open his arm to revive him, and then Max spent more then a season getting himself killed alone. Wilson had frankly never seen him look so... well, frankly, pathetic and worn out. There was obviously an attempt at keeping up appearances, but he was constantly on high alert, and every coughing fit seemed to take all the life out of him.

Wilson looked behind him and saw Max slightly tucked into himself on the fur roll, snoring. Stars, it was relieving to see him at some form of ease. The night was long, but quiet, and Wilson just tried to relax. - Sunrise came too soon, and while Wilson might have decided to let him rest longer, the sun wasn't as kind, especially not sun that had snow to reflect off of. Even in the denser woods, the sunlight that made it through the trees was magnified by snow.

He groaned in complaint before starting to cough again. Even the less violent coughs hurt, and his throat was not having his attempt at a good morning as he started to work on standing up. It was just a raspy "Good-" before Max winced and didn't finish the statement.

"Morning, Max." Wilson had a bundle of twigs in his hands that he was storing away, possibly fresh tinder. "Just roll up the sleeping mat, we probably should get going before we get too cold." Max really could only nod as he started to wrap the mat up, not wanting to stress his throat worse. "Am I getting the silent treatment today?"

Max could only scowl and pointed at his throat, which prompted a confused look until he managed to mouth 'Hurts to talk.'

Wilson at least had the common sense to look apologetic before glancing away. "Sorry, that was uncalled for. When we get back, there should be some honey stored away, you can make some wildflower tea with honey to soothe it?"

It was a good suggestion, plus, Max hadn't had tea in a long time. Not since before all this flower mess had escalated. Before then, he would make the time to at least once a week to enjoy the warm flowery tea with Ms. Wickerbottom. He'd made a few attempts to do so after he'd started coughing up petals, but eventually he'd just pretended he was too busy so he could avoid choking on these blasted petals in front of her. He made a soft noise of agreement and even that felt like glass in his throat. Oh, the next coughing fit was going to be a grand old time, wasn't it. Drat.

Wilson motioned ahead with his head for them to get going once Maxwell had snagged his bag out of the snow. The walk was unusually quiet which was a shame. Usually, even if he wasn't talking for whatever reason and they were alone and having to gather resources, Wilson would end up on some tangent or another.

It'd been irritating at first, he'd traded the endless ragtime for endless babbling. But, unlike the endlessly looping music, Wilson had many, many things to talk about, and now that they had their truce, the man was eager to have a conversation. With some time, they became enjoyable to listen to. If things were good, Wilson talked about plans, the future, his latest blueprint. If things weren't so good, either mentally or physically, it seemed to go to more general science; medical, chemical, engineering.

Wilson always seemed less sure of himself when things were rocky. Like he had to go back to comfortable, well tread ground. Even if it was just talking about scientific advancements, some of which were quite new to Max. Besides, even if he'd heard it before, and there'd been many a half smile and that sheepish "I know I've probably talked about this before," right before Wilson would launch into whatever was on his mind, these days, Max found it soothing.

With that thought, though, as they pushed through a good few new inches of snow, Max could feel the creeping tickle in the back of his throat and covered his mouth. It at least muffled the hacking noise, enough so that Wilson didn't turn until he didn't hear the crunch of snow behind him.

Max was too busy staring in horror at the absolutely blood soaked plant to notice, he'd felt something big hit his hands and pulled them away. Oh sure, petals were one thing to casually cough up, and he knew there had been more then a few full fledged flowers in the coughing fits he'd had. Never a full plant, roots and all. And typically, while there was plenty of blood, it wasn't so much that he could feel it through the gloves.

He could barely manage a groan, his throat was on fire with pain, almost on par with the constant pain of his chest. He'd gotten used to that, but right now swallowing hurt, even just breathing hurt.

He didn't even notice Wilson next to him, entirely focused on that little plant in his hand. "Are you oka-" There was suddenly silence. - That... that was a full flower in Maxwell's hand. In terms of things he would expect someone to hack up while in the throws of this affliction, Wilson was not expecting a flower with roots and all.

If it wasn't for the snow on the ground, he'd make Maxwell sit so he could check his throat, was this the reason he'd been unable to talk all morning? His eyes darted to Max and back down to the plant. Wilson's stomach twisted at the thought of his first reaction to his sudden inability to talk. The silent treatment. Of course it wasn't that.

"This... hasn't happened before, has it?" He asked quietly, looking back up to Maxwell, who was entirely focused on the flower. It took a second for that to register, before Max shook his head. So, it hadn't happened before, usually Max had managed to die before this.

That... was somewhat horrifying. He'd never heard of the true extent of the disease, and had assumed that his aunt must of been choking like Maxwell was. Wilson barely worried about the blood and picked it up, looking at the roots. There was flesh sticking to them like dirt would if you pulled the flower straight up from the ground.

That was utterly sickening to think about. A flower buried in the flesh of someone's throat or windpipe or worse, the lungs. No wonder this disease was a death sentence.

To distract himself from the reality of this, Wilson delicately put the flower back into Maxwell's hands and gave a shaky smile, more akin to a grimace then a smile, but an attempt at something comforting all the same. "At least you can't choke on this one now." A false bit of comfort, but at least it's out, Wilson figured. The roots aren't too severe either, so hopefully his throat is repairable.

Some honey and maybe instead of wildflower, mandrake tea with it to recover his throat and put him out for the night would be good if they get back to camp. And Wilson would love to be able to scrub this memory from his mind the way that deaths are faded and half there, or not there at all, because Maxwell looks... well, he's pale, even the shade of red his cheeks turned in the cold has become washed out. His hand is shaking, and he can't look away from that damned flower.

It's fear. Maxwell looks honestly and truly scared and frankly, Wilson hasn't ever seen it so clear on Max before. He pressed a hand to Max's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. "Look, we need to keep moving. Once we get to camp, I'll take a look at your throat." Maxwell looked away from him and the flower and Wilson tried to backtrack, "Or, Wickerbottom can help you. I just..." He trailed off. There was no good way to end that without sounding desperate. "Don't want to see you die like that again." There. That wasn't a really awkward way to finish that statement. It was horrifying the first time, the blue tinge of suffocation, blood...

He didn't need to relive that. It wasn't often that there was a time any of them actually had watched someone die. Battles were distracting, it wasn't often he was able to pay attention to someone in their death throws, and if it wasn't death from a fight, then it was highly likely they all were suffering and it was a quiet, painful thing that no one could help with. If help could be given, it was likely they wouldn't die.

The only time he could really remember just standing back and watching was when he'd put the Divining Rod into the keyhole, but that was... intensely different. He'd still been extremely angry, hurt at the false friendship and companionship his dear 'voice on the radio' had faked, and there had been sick satisfaction underneath the pity for the reality of Maxwell's existence. He'd done enough mercy by turning off the gramophone, which was more of a selfish act, the ragtime tune was annoying enough after just one or two repeats. Then Wilson watched Max die the first time with cold eyes until shadows pulled him under and onto the throne.

He shook his head, getting rid of the memory, and tapped Max's shoulder, the man still not looking at him. "Come on, let's get moving before we freeze to death. We'll get your throat patched up and we can both get some sleep." There was a silent nod, their eyes barely meeting, the bloody flower dropped into the snow. He wanted to do something, watching Max slowly trudge forward, but what could he possibly do right now? Everything feasible... involved getting back to camp. - There was shame as he looked away at the offer of checking on his throat, god, why did he need this. He wanted to just tell Wilson to give up, there wasn't any point to this. But even more shamefully, he wanted the attention too. How pathetic.

Could something just kill him now? His face burned at the bare minimum admittance of not wanting to see him die again. Of course any sane human being would rather not see any of their companions die. And yet that little scrap was enough to probably make his cheeks look terribly windburned.

After the tap to his shoulder reminding him they had places to be, he let the bloody flower drop to the snow and managed to trudge forward. Minus a few coughing fits, there was still a strange silence between them as they approached camp, even in the calf deep snow, he could still see bush branches picked clean of berries.

To be fair, the silence was half due to his own throat, but he'd have liked something still. Even just the noise of Wilson muttering to himself about things; there was that habit too. Talking to himself, a whole conversation out of one person.

Instead, their walk, which ended just as dusk began, was as muted as everything else in the snow covered world.

The first words he's heard since their conversation out in the snow was of course, "Hey, you found ol' tall nerd!" Willow smirked, arms full of wood for a fire that was starting to wane in the distance.

"Yeah, I sure did." Wilson's voice has forced humor in it, and Max frowned, looking away from them both. "We got caught out in that storm last night... I think we both just need some sleep, you know?" He gives a forced chuckle and Max closed his eyes, ignoring the growing knot in his guts.

"Is something eating Maxwell, or has he finally learned to not inject a smart comment every time he's near a conversation?"

He tries to respond with 'A skill you need to learn, certainly.' But he barely makes a noise before wincing, time hadn't helped his throat.

"Leave him be, Willow, he's not feeling well." Wilson's defense softens the frown, and then Wilson turns back to Max, startling him, but Wilson gives half a smile. "We're both really tired, anyway." He turned back to Willow. "Have all the other tents been taken over yet, or is one still available for Max to use?"

Willow snorts and shakes her head, possible disbelief, or just that there isn't a free tent. "Yeah, yeah, you know we've had the extra tent up in case he showed back up. Go sleep, you both look dead." It's a fairly tame reaction, and there's suddenly a warm arm around his back, moving him towards the bank of tents. "Thanks, Willow. Have a good night."

"A good night? I'm on a watch shift that's suppose to be yours." Willow laughs. "I'll see you in the morning." Wilson softly laughs at her words, and there's a quiet thank you from him as they end up out of her earshot.

Wilson looks up, "Look, you settle in and I'll see if there's any mandrakes... if not, I'll make you some wildflower tea with honey." Max can't help the shake of his head, he doesn't need the fussing over him. "Don't give me that, you can barely make a noise without wincing. Let me help you with this, please." There's a stress on the please that makes his shoulders sag and Maxwell sighs, nodding along, the shame back as Wilson gave a tiny smile and patted his back before leaving for the crock pots and food stash.

It's obvious which of the tents is the extra one, there's still snow at the entrance, instead of it being treaded down or shoveled away. Still, it's better then a straw roll, and in the dim light of the setting sun and the faint firelight, Max shoves the snow away from the entrance of the tent with his foot and he finally crawls in. There's a fur roll, and a lantern. He shoves off his pack and sits, exhaling and glancing around.

It's odd to be back in camp. It's also incredibly weird to hear the muted rabble, but it's soothing too, it's not just the slight chatter of birds, nor the empty silence of the caves.

Maxwell finally moves to spread out the fur roll and peels off his outer layers and bloody gloves, the hat bringing the flower crown with it as he started to cough, wincing as he looked at the small handful of bloody petals, throat practically throbbing with pain.

Still, wouldn't do to bleed over his bed, and he uses his clean hand to pull some of the used paper out of his bag and wraps the petals and wipes most of the blood off of his hand. - He'd been accosted as he dug through the icebox. "Wilson, you certainly don't look like you need a mandrake..."

At least it was only Ms. Wickerbottom. "It's not for me, I'm shocked Willow hasn't spread the news." He deadpanned, then followed with the actual info. "I found Max. He isn't able to speak at the moment, so I thought maybe mandrake tea would heal his throat up."

There was a hum of understanding, and he was about to continue on before she spoke up. "While I think it's a valiant cause, I can't help but wonder if it's worth it." Wilson freezes and Wickerbottom sighs. "He's going to die again with this aliment. You can't hold it off forever. You do know the full extent of damage it can do to the body, correct?"

"Well, considering it was never covered in any of my medical texts, I probably don't." Wilson sighed and closed the icebox door. He certainly didn't, thinking of Max's ashen face and that flower in the man's hands.

"Flowers typically start to sprout through and destroy organs, the heart and lungs in particular. The lucky ones choke to death before that happens." She sighed again. "It's not something you can just treat the symptoms of. And Wilson?" There's a pause, silence between them, her voice quiet, even though they're not around anyone else. "Don't let your own feelings cause you to get sick as well."

He blinks, a tinge of fear that everyone knows, and to be fair, maybe his pacing was a little obvious... "It's not like that." He manages, voice a little strained. "I'd do this if someone else was sick like this too." And well, that's... mostly true. He's trying not to pine, at the very least. And he would help, if someone like Wigfrid or Willow was this sick... well... maybe not quite so personally. Please, don't let the whole camp have this figured out, and stars forbid that Maxwell already knew.

There's a curious look on her face as she glances over him. "Well, the point still stands, don't let yourself ever get to the point our dear Maxwell has. Don't let your heart get you sick." There's a glance at the mandrake too. "Maybe try wildflower first, before you go and use a mandrake on him. But get some sleep afterwards." Wickerbottom smiled and turned to leave, and Wilson couldn't make a real smile back, but he tried, even with worry burrowing into his stomach.

He stuffed the mandrake back into the ice chest and took just the honey. There were dried petals in a chest near their water-pot, which just needed a fire underneath to be lit, and Wilson found the makeshift infuser, strips from twigs woven into a netted basket.

Once the water boiled, he took the chipped cup and filled it with hot water, honey and a filled infuser and headed to the tents. There was almost no activity, but to be fair, in this weather, everyone would probably want to go to bed if they didn't have watch. Wickerbottom is probably taking a shift as always, but she'll even go curl up in a tent to warm up and read after someone else wakes up for their watch shift.

Poor Willow. He'd forgotten that he was supposed to have a shift tonight, fueling the fire and keeping an ear out for hounds or a giant, but he'd found Max, and that felt far more important then remembering to get back in time for watch. Even if the man's presence felt a bit draining due to the dark petals, Wilson was far more settled knowing where he was, he couldn't help the petals. Maxwell surprisingly had it far worse then they did.

Max being laid low so easily by coughing up dark petals was... strange to see. While most certainly not as physically durable as the rest of them, Maxwell weathered plenty of things that mentally took it out on the rest of them.

Wilson hummed, glad for the warmth in his hands as he eyed the one tent that didn't have much snow brushed away from the entrance and opened the flap. Maxwell blinked in surprise and Wilson offered a weak smile, noticing the smear of blood on the other's mouth, before offering the cup. "It's wildflower, and if it doesn't help, I'll make you some mandrake tea in the morning."

It was taken with a tiny nod, and Wilson couldn't help lingering for a few seconds. Irrational, Maxwell's pride would never let him ask for help, or much of anything. Oh, he complained about meaningless things, but complaints weren't requests. It left Wilson feeling like he was clumsily hovering, and with one more glance, Maxwell gently blowing on the hot tea, not even looking at him, Wilson managed an awkward "Good night," and left.

He sighed once he reached the entrance to his own tent. He was rather transparent, wasn't he? Though, he should be thankful no one else has brought it up, at least to his face.

At least the tent was reasonably warm, he considered, settling down and pulling out a razor. It'd be a hit to conserving warmth, but they were out of the supplies for a new effigy, he'd checked before making tea, and he was not about to try and get close enough to the rock bottom of his sanity to find beardlings. He'd just have to carry extra fire supplies and keep better track of his thermal stone.

It was cold the moment Wilson had a pile of hair at the side and a clean-shaven face. He rubs at a tiny cut on his face in irritation and looks at the flint razor. Needed to be sharpened again, there were nicks in the knapped edge. Still, the job was done and Wilson grabbed the quilt stuffed with beefalo and rabbit fur and bundled up.

Sleep would take a while to come, as exhausted as he was, Wilson figured. Worry always nestled deep and kept him up. Worry about what he was doing with his life, worry about not managing to make anything out of his degree, out of his passion.

Now it was worry regarding how utterly transparent he must be.

How stupid. Everything in his life was an absolute failure anyway. Wilson sighed and turned over. The eldest of his siblings, and most certainly the failure in his parents eyes. They'd hated his over-enthusiastic pursuit of science, they'd pushed him into medicine because at least that was useful. Instead of becoming a doctor or a surgeon though, he'd stayed in academia for a while.

Then, before he finished that pursuit, only one degree under his belt, he'd left to do research on his own. He'd been exhausted of doing other people's research for them. And he was a failure of a scientist, really, after studying so hard, and for so long. The temptation of maybe, just maybe, learning something that would benefit not just him, but everyone, was too much.

This is where that had landed him. A sad, stupid scientist, pinning over a sad, stupid magician who'd been the one to land him in this mess. It was pinning. He'd just have to be honest with himself. A fondness he couldn't eradicate. Oh, he'd been fond of people before, men and women alike, but it faded with time or new knowledge. Maxwell was... an odd case. An outlier in some ways. He'd hated him for a while. He'd tricked him, damn it.

Granted, he doubted Maxwell had fully been in control on the Throne, but at the time, it was all on Maxwell.

Minus the impatience at the end... Maxwell had managed to make himself quite the companion during their first encounter, Wilson making the portal and Maxwell doing what he did best, talking. Encouragement, praise, swapping stories and jokes. A comforting, enjoyable voice on the radio. Then it was gone. Instead, the once warm voice was cold and he was in this hell. A broken, bitter heart, Maxwell was a devil, an asshole, and a right pain in the ass.

The second portal they built, their every interaction was strained. He could remember the manic energy between them though, excitement at an attempt at leaving. The thrill of learning. Not much, sadly as much as Maxwell was willing to teach him what was needed, he didn't have hands on time with the codex alone. A few strained jokes but mostly work and arguments and they'd been so close to what was hopefully success before Ms. Charlie intervened.

It was still a good result. Instead of the two of them arguing alone for eternity, it'd been other people, other lonely survivors. A gift in itself, even if he'd never been the kind of person who was overtly social, the time he'd spent alone here had made him crave company even more then his self imposed isolation in the woods.

Not that Maxwell wasn't company. Even at the end of that whole project, things were starting to mend, but it was better to not always handle that bundle of emotions that came with Maxwell. Though, he had, frequently. Forever prickly, sharp barbs and a ego that was out of check just enough now-days to get under anyone's skin who wasn't used to it. Maxwell was more often his companion on excursions then not.

It wasn't always bad. Sometimes it was absolutely insufferable, that had been early on, but now he'd just ramble about thoughts and plans, or what he found interesting and frankly, it was mostly because it never seemed like Maxwell was listening, considering the fact that there never was a 'would you shut up, Higgsbury' that he had been expecting. Max didn't care, and so it gave him the space to just talk things out to himself, Then, one day Maxwell chipped in with, "Hm, I'd never considered that."

He'd frozen in his spot and after a few moments of realizing that Maxwell had been listening, either for once, or he always had been, it branched into a discussion. He didn't always chime in, but Maxwell was listening, and yet didn't deride him for the overenthusiastic chatter. It was nice. More then nice, it was flattering that he actually paid attention. Wilson figured Maxwell zoned out most of the time.

Oh, why was he thinking over all of this now. Wilson sighed, cheeks red and turned over in the blanket. Why couldn't he just forget the little things and go back to hating the man instead of worrying over him and worrying about the fact that he might be considerably obvious about his feelings towards Maxwell? He pulled the blanket tighter around himself and closed his eyes, mentally chastising himself for focusing on this so much. Maxwell was always just going to be a companion, and he was going to help him out because he wanted to see him better.

And that was that. - He'd figured Wilson left immediately, but apparently not. He would have said it back, but his throat was a barrier there. He'd nodded, but it seemed like Wilson hadn't seen. No matter. Wilson was probably far more exhausted, he'd fought off shadows and still hadn't slept. The man needed the sleep.

The tea was warm against his cooling hands, and Maxwell sighed, gently spinning the cup to make the infuser swirl slightly. It smelled comforting, vaguely flowery. Herbal teas had never been his favorites back when he had a choice, but he was not going to complain about that now. There were so many flavours that were faintly in his memories that he missed, it was pointless to think about them, though black tea always came to mind when having tea. Still, he took a tiny sip, the liquid still too hot really, but there was the slight sweetness of the honey, and while not perfect it did seem to help. Breathing didn't hurt quite so much.

A few more moments, and the heat was more in his hands then in the cup. The drink was wonderfully warm though, and that was pleasant. Max noticed he was a bit hungry, now that the drink had slightly soother the painful ache in his throat but that could be handled later. Even though he was hungry, he winced at the idea of swallowing much more then the tea.

Oh well. An empty cup, and he tried to murmur out something, trying to regain his voice, but instead all he felt was something tear and the pain was far, far worse as he started to cough.

So much for keeping blood off his bedding. Another full plant, flesh stuck to the roots , and besides intense pain, any attempt at talking was just breath.

All he could taste was copper, and he wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand, a huge smear of blood along it, and he barely could manage a huff as he looked at how vibrant the blood was to anything else. Food, or mushrooms, weren’t going to be an option then, his throat wouldn't allow it. He needed to sleep, though Max really doubted he would manage to sleep through the pain, he was never great with sleep anyway. Last night had been rare, exhaustion sleep wasn’t fully refreshing, but he’d slept harder then he had in a while.

God. He wouldn't be surprised if he died in the night, really. As grim as it was, he almost would rather choking to death instead right now. He wondered if there were more of those in his throat, as he pitched the flower to the side. It was smaller then the last, but the roots were long. Probably were, considering his luck.

He flipped the roll over, to the side that wasn’t bloody, and settled in, ignoring the blood on his hand, he didn’t have time, and he was not in any shape to handle another bout of shadows, not to mention the mere idea of the rest of camp having to fare with that, he already wasn’t a welcome member of the group. Still, it was nicer to hear people around, even while he was in pain, as Maxwell closed his eyes and tried to rest. - Morning comes, and Wilson burrowed more into the blankets. Stars, did morning have to be so obnoxious? At least no one else had woken him up, it was just the natural timing he’d developed, but why today?

He wasn’t ready to face today yet. Head somehow still managing to swim with worries and thoughts and memories that made his chest hurt if he thought too hard about them. “Damn it, get yourself together.” He grumbled to himself as he finally unwound himself from the cocoon of blanket. “Go check on him, and then do something else for a few hours.” He muttered to himself, even if he had no idea what else to do.

Chop more wood, maybe. Though now he wasn’t sure if that would actually work with Maxwell back with them and not out alone in the wilderness. Still, it was worth a shot, maybe work would clear his head and ease the ache in his chest. Besides, at least then no one would say he was hovering.

He glanced at the pile of hair and sighed. Well, that came first, didn’t it. Check on Maxwell, help him get a meat effigy set up, then go chop wood.

It was a plan, at least. With a extra check to make sure he had a well repaired vest and hat, even though he knew he’d just patched them up before the last few days, it never hurt to check again, he pulled them on and snagged his satchel with a blue heat stone. He’d replace one of the fresh ones at the fire with his. Well, he got to the fire and set the stone down before he heard harsh hacking.

There was only one person it could even remotely be and he didn’t even grab a fresh stone before heading over to the tent he’d left so abruptly the night before. “Oh, stars…” Wilson managed as he pulled back the canvas. There was a lot of blood, some of it must have been from last night, brown and dried, though there was far more fresh, staining the white fur and some of the ground, but most of all it covered the man’s mouth, at least what he could see of it, an uncovered hand covering his mouth, dried blood on the back of it.

Wilson didn’t have any more words at his disposal, there was just the sinking pit in his stomach at the other little details. The pale, drained look to his face, teary eyes darting around before another horrible cough wracked his shaking body. There was absolutely nothing he could do at the moment.

It felt like there was nothing he could do, period.

All his determination fell away, and Wilson only felt helpless as he finally entered the tent, kneeling down and only then did he notice the discarded flower crown, still encircling the woolen hat. With his own shaking hands, he settled it back onto Maxwell’s head. A effigy would literally kill Maxwell at this point. So much for that.

His voice felt dis-attached and far too quiet to really be his. “I guess I can’t fix this, can I?” It was a sad approximation of sarcasm, his hand on Maxwell’s back.

“I’m sorry.” - He’d slept. Somehow. Maxwell wasn’t going to look too deeply into it, and it was frankly hard to think too deeply about it when his throat wasn’t working. He must have passed out. Everything since coughing up the last flower had been somewhat a blur. He could believe passing out with how much he wanted to pass out right now.

It hurt to breathe. The slightest bit of air going to or out of his lungs was misery, not to mention the involuntary swallow when he woke up. There were tears budding in his eyes, if it wasn’t for the lack of voice, Maxwell would probably be unable to hold back any sort of noise from the pain that just existing was granting him at the moment.

And then the coughing started up again. Oh, he was most certainly near the end. Hopefully he wouldn’t recall this. It was a stupid hope, knowing his luck, but Maxwell could go for just a bit of mercy right now.

Not that he was going to get much mercy from this disease when it seemed like it tore his throat apart again. If he was going to ever use this tent again, he’d have to burn this poor fur roll, but he covered his mouth anyway. Maxwell tried to breathe again, but after a brief, painful inhale, the cough started up again.

It was around this time that there was a rustling he couldn’t fully pay attention to, frankly, he was surprised that there wasn’t a crowd growing. Instead, the familiar oath of stars told him exactly who it was, but there was no energy to even try and turn away, shadows flitting past his vision as he started another fit, petals spilling from his lips as readily as the blood.

He didn’t feel the crown, though he was vaguely aware of the hand, and the barest thought of ‘Why do you go through this, do you pity me that much?’ flashed by before it was overtaken by pain, once again. - “I’m so sorry.”

Wilson stayed until the end, trying to at least be comforting; he didn’t know what else to do. He choked on blood, mercifully enough. Grotesque business, and Maxwell wouldn’t remember it, but he couldn’t find it in him to leave until he saw the ghostly shadow that death left now. “I’ll take care of it, don’t go running off.” There was a quiet wind noise that these shades could produce, and it wasn’t like he’d have any memory of the events after he woke up again, But he also just didn’t want to deal with chasing down a damned ghost.

The man was stubborn enough to manage to even do that in death if he didn’t warn him off the mere idea. Exhausted; emotionally, and somehow physically, Wilson picked himself up and walked out of the tent to wash up and prepare the heart. There should be some spider glands in one of these chests, if not, he’d have to ask Webber where the nearest un-befriended nest was to avoid killing any of the young child’s spider friends. There was a bit of blood on his clothing, that he finally noticed at the worst time, just as he ran into a bleary eyed Winona. “Mornin’ egghea- what’s with the blood.” It went from a tired mutter to alert at the sign of fresh blood.

Wilson sighed, pressing the clean hand over his eye, the other covered with specs of blood. “Nothing you need to worry about, I just have to do some clean up and make a telltale heart.” To be specific, he needed to burn that roll and break up the skeleton and dispose of it properly. Stars, he was so drained from all this. It was heart wrenching and taxing all at once to try and comfort someone in their death throws. To comfort someone you loved while they were dying. “Someone die?” She asked, looking over him.

Wilson sighed. He was well aware of the vague contention between Winona and Maxwell, and that it revolved around Charlie of all people, because Maxwell had loved her, and she was Winona’s sister. “Maxwell’s still sick, I found him a couple of days ago and brought him back to camp. He died this morning.”

There was a light frown. “Ah. Right. Remember you talking about petals and choking a while back. 'Maxy’ can’t even bother to care about her now.” Oh stars. He didn't need this.

“How are you so sure he isn’t sick over her?” Wilson said back, already exhausted. There wasn’t anyone else it could be, and he shook his head. “Never mind. I have to handle this.”

Winona shook her head. “They were a couple, at least briefly. They were going on vacation together, to our family’s cabin. You don’t do that if you aren’t at least somewhat romantically entangled. She was so syrupy over that idiot, and look where it landed her.” He did somewhat understand her anger, but honestly? He wanted to get this done, set Maxwell up with a effigy, and go to bed. “So it can’t be her. He’s fallen in love with someone else.” She rolled her eyes and waved it off. “It doesn’t matter, she’s better off without him anyway.”

He hummed sightly in acknowledgement and left with a nod. He wasn’t going to argue about it, it made him sick to think about anyway. He was sick enough after having to let Max pass away in his grip once again. He didn't need to overthink the obvious.

Maybe something was giving him a break, there were spider glands in the medical supplies, and Wilson sighed a breath of relief as he gathered the rest of the materials, along with a flint knife and a booster shot. He’d make it after he cleaned out that tent, there was too much bone and blood to really want to revive someone who also was probably going to just collapse in a heap.

Surprisingly, the ghost was actually listening, still in the tent, though Wilson wouldn’t doubt part of that was also the man’s pride also managing to linger. He was shocked everyone else wasn’t reacting to the lingering presence, ghosts tended to do a bit of number over time.

Wilson was already planning on something warm and mentally healing, after this whole fiasco. Maybe after a nap, however.

“Ooo?” A more audible variation of ghost noises.

Wilson shook his head. “Need to get rid of the blood soaked things first, then I’ll get it made. I already know what your reaction would be to reviving and then dealing with your own skeleton. It’ll save both of us some bitching.”

Oh, even dead he could assume there was an eye roll there. Stars, Maxwell. It was normal enough though that it actually managed a small smile onto Wilson’s face as he quickly smashed the skeleton to bits and gathered it all up in the ruined bed mat. “Can you be patient for once, or is that just not feasible?” Somehow, the next “Ooo” managed to sound indignant. Wilson shook his head in actual amusement as he took the mess outside.

“Did he not survive the night?” Wilson’s back shot up, as much as he knew exactly who it was, stars, he could do without being snuck up on. Instead, he turned, the bone shards clinking against each other.

“He did, Ma'am, just didn’t survive the morning.” Wilson shook his head, tired. He really didn’t want to go through this again. “Just handling clearing up the mess it left before I revive him. I promised him I’d help.” Well, more like he’d promised himself.

She sighed, a sad smile on her face. “You do certainly care about him. I checked in on him before I went to get warm, he seemed to be sleeping fine. I’m sorry that I didn’t check this morning.”

He winced slightly, at least no one else had stumbled in. It was easier when there wasn't a crowd. “It’s okay, I mean, I think I’m the only one who knew he’s been coughing up a lot of blood. Should have seen it coming.” He gestured to the blood stained disaster he was holding. “I need to handle this.”

She nodded. “I need to make myself some breakfast, I’ll make you something as well, you probably need it.”

His shoulders finally relaxed. There was something off his plate. “Thank you. I’ll get this finished up, and get him on his feet.” She waved him off and he went to dispose of the bone. They kept a pile of them to pulverize and use in the gardens during the growing months, the bone meal was a decent fertilizer. After dumping those off, he tossed the ruined mat into the flames, finally taking a few moments to warm up. He wasn’t freezing, but now that he had a second to himself, Wilson knew he was losing body heat at a decent pace, considering he’d lost the beard.

So, he took the time to sit and put together the heart, might as well not add more blood to the ground near Maxwell’s tent. Wilson winced as he sliced his arm open and held it over the tied up glands. It started to beat and he waited til his arm started to scab over before picking it up.

At least now he hopefully wouldn’t be coughing up blood for a few days. - Telltale hearts always left him a touch disoriented for a few moments. Maxwell blinked, brain slowly managing through the fog that death always left. Wilson had lead him back, Willow having a smart comment about the silence, and a warm hand guiding him to the tent. A welcome cup of tea, as weird as it felt to have someone take care of him, and then a coughing fit, and that's when it got hazy. "-ell, are you alright?"

Oh. Right.

This death had left him in enough of a haze he wasn't even fully aware of the world yet. Instead, he nodded and winced as he sat up, seeing the syringe in Wilson's hand, his own sleeve already rolled up. Even though logically, he knew they worked, Maxwell's hand went to his other arm defensively.

"Don't be stubborn about this. Honestly. You're in enough of a bad shape as it is." Wilson murmured. He gave a few tired glances over the other finally, the fog still slowly lifting. There was a smattering of blood on him, and considering they hadn't been back too long, must have been his.

That was an uneasy feeling. Why did Wilson keep doing this? There wasn't a good reason to. He was just going to keep wasting resources and time, because even if there was a smattering of hope that it was returned, he'd just ruin it. So he wasn't going to pursue it. Maxwell knew he would only destroy the few scraps of goodness he'd find.

Like everything else. Like Char- he had to stop thinking about this. He had to live with it, suck it up and just keep going. Maybe someday, he'd get to make it up to her.

"No one likes injecting themselves with th-" Maxwell stopped mid sentence, the hand holding his arm going to the throat, touching it lightly. It still hurt, yes, but it wasn't the mess it had been the morning before, even; not to mention the rest of the day. "Well, that's better certai-" He winced as Wilson took the opening.

There was a smug look as the spent needle was pulled away. A smug look that he actually liked, heavens help him. "Was that so bad?" The man mentioned, putting it on the ground. "Glad to see you're able to speak again, though. I was worried that whatever damage was done might need more repair then just revival." Why was he worried, what was even the bloody point, Higgsbury? No one else seemed to go to these lengths.

Though... if he remembered right, Wilson had mentioned family with this. It was probably just misguided pity, knowing the horror it wrought, thinking that he could fix this. Sounded about right for Wilson, man could never deny wanting to puzzle over a problem, even if his solutions were unconventional or faulty. "Max?" Oh, he'd never replied. "Resurrection haze?" Was a gentle question, which made sense. Out of all of them, Wilson seemed to have a higher chance to lose full days if it was a traumatic death, and would get lost in his thoughts for hours, picking apart what he could remember so he could finish whatever he'd been up to.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He brushed it off, looking away. Heavens help him, Wilson was giving him that concerned look that would almost give him the impression that there was something more there. "Probably just shock from that awful concoction."

Wilson snorted at that at least. He couldn't tell if it was amusement or irritation, but he'd take it over that look. He was not a hopeful man, but sometimes Wilson tested that. "It keeps you alive longer, I guess it has be awful." Wilson smirked before getting up. "I need to go eat, but if you wanted to come warm up, you aren't stuck in your tent."

Maxwell tried not to flush. It was absolutely not what he was imagining, and he must still be out of sorts from reviving because he had usually had far better self control then to let himself fantasize about cuddling or anything.

Why break what was left of his heart more?

"M-maybe," Oh heavens, he stuttered, and attempted to save face with a more usual infliction to his voice. "Hopefully I won't end up muted today, though I'm sure that will be big hit with everyone." Instead of dwelling on the wanted and yet unneeded thought, he felt the ground underneath him, just the lay of canvas that they used to keep their bed rolls from picking up dirt and twigs. "Seems like I'll have to replace my bedroll, before I can sleep."

"Believe me, you wouldn't want to sleep on that thing. It was soaked in blood. Anyway, you can handle that after we get a effigy made for you later." Ah, that gave him more of an idea of how he died. Probably bled out from an internal throat injury and coughed up a good potion of blood. "If you do need something, let me know, I'm going to go warm up."

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sometimesambroswrites · 7 years

Note

Prompt(if u r taking them rn): Soulmate!AU where everything Alec or Magnus write on their skin turns up on the others skin and one of them is just writing down where they need to be and the other one tries to find them and idk, do what you want with it:D (I hope u're taking prompts)

Okay, I loved this prompt immensely and if I was healthier I’d probably write a long about it, but this is what I came up with and I hope it’s a bit decent; it’s almost 4k words and it’s probably not exactly what you had in mind, and it’s 2 am so there are definitely a few mistakes that I’ll try to fix tomorrow. I really, really hope you like it! Thanks to @estefra and @johnistheantivirus for beta’ing and insulting me and hitting me.Warning for rating M

You know I’m feeling the same thing

Alec is pissed.

Thiswas all Jace’s fault. And he loves Jace. He does. But bythe Angel ifthat boy doesn’t stop running head first into situations withoutconsulting him first Alec is going to lose his mind. And probably alimb,since his stomach was torn open not two hours ago.

Jacehas, of course, apologized multipletimes,until Alec had to kick him out of his room because he wants to healin peace.

Sonow he’s lying on his back, staring at the ceiling whilethe skin on his arm slowly knits itself backtogether, and he feels exhausted, like healways doeswhen he has to use the iratze multiple times ina row.

Hecloses his eyes, figuring he might as well sleep it off; he’snot hungry anyway.

He’sjust closed his eyes when the skin on his forearm tingles slightly,and he groans, considers for a moment just pretending he didn’t feelit, but he knows that’d be rude; he opens his eyes and looks down athis arm.

Would you mind trying to keepall your limbs attached for at least three days in a row? My skin isruined because of you.

Alec rolls his eyes but reachesfor a pen he always keeps close, just in case.

Sorry my pain inconveniencesyou

He gets to play the guilt card,he does.He’s had a crappy day. He doesn’t bother closing his eyes again, justwatches as the words slowly disappear from his skin.

It doesn’t take long for theanswer to come.

Have you healed yet?

He can almost feelthe slight guilt.

He glances at his injuredstomach.

Not really

He’s not expecting the answer hegets, but he’s not disappointed.

Come over, I’ll help you out.

And, before he can point out howwalking could be a problem,

Making a portal right now.

Magnusholds his shirt gently against his stomach as he unwraps the bandagesaround his waist.

-Itdoesn’t look too bad,- he says thoughtfully as he examines the wound,and Alec sighs: -I know. I’m just tired, the iratze isn’t working aswell as it should.

Magnussmiles at him, cat-like as he straightens up: -Well, don’t worry. Weare going to fix you right up.

Hesnaps his fingers and his blue magic starts dancing on the palm ofhis hand, ready to bend at his will; Magnus turns his hand, palm opentowards Alec’s stomach, and the relief he feels is immediate as themagic numbs him and speeds up the healing process, tickling himslightly.

Hecloses his eyes and throws his head back and he’s pretty sure Magnusis smiling at him, deeply self-satisfied.

-Whatever,-he mumbles, and nowhe’sdefinitelysure Magnusis smirking.

-Done,-Magnus says after a few seconds, his magic vanishing like firewithout oxygen, and he pokes Alec in the stomach where the wound hadbeen: -Sore?

Alecdoesn’tyelp. He lets his shirt fall on his skin as he glares at Magnus: -Notat all.

-Verywell,- Magnus turns with a little twirl, his long jacket wrappingaround his legs: -Are you staying for dinner?

Alecrubs his stomach; he always feels a bit weird after Magnus has healedhim: -If it’s not a bother.

Magnuslooks at him over his shoulder, a glint in his eyes: -You know itisn’t. What are you in the mood for?

Alechums: -Pizza on the couch?

Magnuslooks almost offended at the request, but nonetheless he complies,snapping his fingers with a fluid movement on his wrist to make twopizza boxes appear on the table in the living room.

Alecsmiles happily and walkstowards it, slightly wobbly on his legs; Magnus can protest as muchas he wants, Alec knows he enjoys pizza-on-the-couch nights as muchas he does.

Hetakes his own pizza box – pepperoni, thank you very much, none ofthat pineapple nonsense – and sits down on the coach with anappreciative sigh.

Magnusis more gracious about it, snapping his fingers to get some tissuesand plates, and grabs a couple of slices from his own box beforesitting next to Alec, cross-legged.

-So,-he says, biting into his slice, -What happened?

Alecrolls his eyes as he chews; he swallows before answering: -Jacehappened, of course. Went after a Demon by himself, and then itturned out there was actually a dozen of them and we didn’t have timeto call for backup.

Magnushums in acknowledgement as he chews: -That’s the third time in twomonths. I might actually have to charge him for all the times I haveto reattach some parts of your body.

Alecglances at him: -You know that if it’s a problem – -, but Magnuswaves him off before he has a chance to finish: -I’m just jokingaround, Alexander.

Theyeat in silence for a few minutes, and then Magnus clears his throat:-It’s Thursday, you know?

Aleclooks up and away, his ears burning: -Yeah, I know.

-Istill like you,- Magnus says, smiling like he’s teasing him just alittle.

-That’sgood to know,- Alec says, gruffly, biting into his pizza so that hedoesn’t have to say anything else.

Magnusresumes eating, looking satisfied: -Sex after pizza?

Alecalmost chokes: -Yeah,-he says, voice sounding strangled; he clears his throat: -Yeah, whynot.

Magnuspushes his hair from his forehead while Alec’s eyes are closed, headthrown back, his fingers slipping uselessly on Magnus’ smooth back, amoan escapes his lips because Magnus is everywhere,on him and inside him and some would say even in his soul, and it’sgood,it’s so good Alec isn’t sure how to keep it all inside his chest.

Hesays: -Kiss me,- and Magnus does, he always does, kisses him deep andslow, matches the timing of his thrusts and Alec feels safe withMagnus’ arms framing his head and Magnus’ fingers tangled in hishair, and he wraps a hand around his own cock, messy anduncoordinated and uncomfortable, and Magnus whispers: -Comeon,-against his lips, and Alec comes with a moan, lips open againstMagnus’ as he stills, shivers wrecking his spine.

Hecan feel Magnus’ smile against his own lips, and he murmurs: -Comeon,-sleepily, his legs wrapped loosely around Magnus’ waist.

He’smade it a point to never sleep over.

Magnusis sleeping, back bare against his dark blue sheets, and Alec looksat him for a second only before taking his shoes and walking away.

-Isn’tit a bit late to be coming home?

Alecstarts at the voice, and curses when he spots Izzy, who’s sitting onthe couch with her legs tucked under her and her laptop in front ofher.

-Idon’t think so,- he says, whispering just in case anyone else isawake.

Izzyraises her eyebrows, knowingly: -How’s Magnus?- she asks, tonecasual, and Alec bites his tongue. -He’s fine.

Izzyhums: -He’s still okay with your wholeI-won’t-be-in-a-relationship-with-my-soulmate thing?

Alecrolls his eyes: -Not that it’s any of your business,- he says,indignant, -But yes,he is.

Izzylooks sceptical: -Sure he is,- she says, tapping a couple of times onthe keyboard.

-Listen,-Alec growls, turning towards her, -We are both mature enough torealise that a relationship between us would be impossible,so we’re doing the best we can with what we have. Mind your ownbusiness.

Izzyraises her arms, showing him her palms: -I’m just saying, bigbrother. You’re the only person I know who’s actually wastinghissoulmate.

-I’malso the only Shadowhunter who has a Downworlderasa soulmate,- he whispers furiously, -AWarlockontop of that!

Izzyjust rolls her eyes, putting the headphones back into her ears:-Fine. You do you,- she says with a sigh, her eyes already focusingon the screen.

Alecthrows his hands up before walking away.

Theskin on his hip is tingling when he wakes up, and he pulls down hispyjama pants; he sees the hickey Magnus sucked into his skin beforehe sees what he’s written.

Goodnight

Aleccloses his eyes and throws his head back onto the pillow.

Jaceis the one who finds him in the gym; he leans his weight on the dooras he takes him in, his eyebrows furrowed in a slightly worriedexpression: -You stay at Magnus’ last night?

Alecpunches harder: -What thehell,-he says, a punch between every two words, -is up with everyonetoday?- he stops the punching bag with his hand, turns to look atJace: -Yes,I stayed at Magnus’ last night. He helped with the wound youwerepartially responsible for and we had dinner, that’s all.

Jaceflinches and Alec feels only a bit guilty.

-Iwas just asking,- Jace mumbles, -Plus, I was looking for you. We havea mission.

Alecretrieves his hoodie and his bottle of water: -What mission?- he asksas he uncaps it.

-Youknow those Demons I was going after yesterday?

Aleclooks at him and then, pointedly, at his own stomach.

Jacerolls his eyes: -Yes, well, they weren’t normal Demons. Apparently aWarlock is trying to create some kind of Vampire-slash-Demon hybrid.Clary and Izzy have already narrowed it down to three Warlocks, wehave to search the City and find them.

-Great,-Alec says, dryly, throwing the towel over his shoulder.

Jacepats him on the back.

Heimmediately spots him in the crowd – he’s pretty sure it’s gotsomething to do with their bond, how he can pick him out so easily,but, for the first time since he’s found out Magnus is his soulmate,he wishes it weren’t so easy.

Hefreezes.

Magnus’arms are wrapped around some Seelie’s waist, the Seelie’s armswrapped around Magnus’ neck, and they are dancing and they are close,so close Alec feels like he can’t breathe, their noses are almosttouching and Magnus is wearing his amused smirk and Alec is going tobe sick,he turns on his heels and pushes his way out of the Pandemonium, Jacecalling his name behind him.

Hetakes a deep breath as soon as he’s outside, the cold air soothingagainst his skin as the tries not to panic, his muscles rigid withthe effort to keep himself from shaking.

Hecan feelthemoment Magnus walks out the door, Jace following right behind him.

Redfury starts climbing its way up his throat; he turns toward him,fists so tight they almost hurt against his thighs: -What was that?-he asks, pointing at the club, and Magnus stops in his steps, worriedexpression turning hard.

Jacetakes a step back.

-Whatdo you mean?- Magnus asks, and the way he holds himself so calm andcomposed makes Alec’s hands tremble.

-Theway you were – dancingwiththat Seelie.

Magnus’back becomes unnaturally rigid: -I was having fun, Alexander,- hesays, sounding almost annoyed, -I didn’t know it was prohibited.

-Sure,-Alec says, a cruel grin curling his lips, -If that’s the way youusually havefun,-mocking, -We should probably start using condoms,-he growls like he’s throwing it against him.

Jacetakes another step back as he grimaces.

Acold fury takes over Magnus’ features: -YouidiotNephilim,-he says, voice clear and hard, -How dareyou?Should I remind you that you are the one who said this,-he moves his hand between them, -Shouldn’t be exclusive?-,he says the word like it’s the most stupid thing he’s ever heard.

Alecpresses his lips together, and he – he suddenly recognises thatit’s not anger that’s painfully twisting his stomach. It’s jealousy.

-Butthat doesn’t mean – - he tries, but he sounds weaker and Magnustakes a step forward, implacable: -That’s exactlywhatit means,- he says, and his eyes are unforgiving as they dig deepinto Alec’s: -You think it didn’t hurt?- he asks, low, -You think itdidn’t tear my world down when you said you didn’t wantthis?

-Inever said I didn’t want this,- Alec says, jealousy turning intodesperation so quickly it leaves him with a hole in his chest, -It’sjust – complicated.

-Oh,but sleeping with me isn’t complicated at all, is it?- Magnus asks, acold smile on his lips, -Or asking for my help. It’s only beingwithme that’s complicated.

-Youknow that’s not the way it is,- Alec says, urgency pushing him totake a step forward to make sure Magnus doesn’t slip away from hisfingers, -You knowthatI’m just – I just –

-Youwhat?

-I’mterrified,-Alec snaps, flinching at his own admission as he looks down, -We –I don’t know how wecouldwork!

-Iknow exactlyhow wecould work,-Magnus says, -You could stop letting your cowardiceholdyou back and you could believe that Imightbe worth it, but until you do that, don’t you dare,-his voice shakes, -Don’t you dare accuse meofsleeping with someone else when I’ve been trying to tell you that I’min love with you once a week for three months.

Hetakes a step back and Alec feels like he can’t move at all. He staresat Magnus, eyes wide, and he feels like he’s bleeding somewhere.

Magnus’eyes are hurt when he says: -I think you have work to do,- beforedisappearing into the alley behind the Pandemonium.

Alecstands still, bats his eyelashes furiously until he realises he’scrying.

Izzyand Clary buy ice-cream, Jace buys Chinese and Alec just stays curledup on the couch.

-Well,-Clary says, glancing hesitantly at him, -It’s – I mean, it’s not sobad, is it? I mean, you love him too, you just have to tell him.

Alecstares at her.

Izzyrolls her eyes: -Please, please,tell me you’d figured it out on your own.

-I– don’t think he had,- Jace says, picking up his noodle soup.

Izzythrows her arms up in defeat: -Alec,-she says, frustration clear in her voice.

-Whatmakes you think that I’m in love with him?- Alec croaks, looking atClary because she probablywon’tinsult him.

Claryclears her throat: -Well, it’s pretty obvious,- she says, turning itinto almost a question, -I mean, you always look for him when youfeel down or when you’re hurt or when you’re happy,- she offers him asmall smile: -You kind of use a lot of excuses to go see him.

-Andyou’reconstantly talking about him,- Jace adds, stealing Clary’s spoon ofice-cream. Clary makes a face at him.

-Andyou’re absolutely terrifiedofscrewing things up,- Izzy adds, like she’s already done with theconversation, -Which makes you an idiot for not trying anyway, by theway.

Alecglares at her, but it’s a weak thing. -But he’s – he’s aDownworlder. He’s immortal.

Allthree of them raise their eyebrows. -So what?- Clary asks.

-Youknow how my parents would react if we were in an actualrelationship!- Alec protests, -And I just – I don’t want to –hurthim.He’s – he’ll get another soulmate.

Izzyrolls her eyes: -Sure, because mum and dad are looking for a wife foryou right now because you’d definitelymarryin a heartbeat for duty,it wouldn’t bother you atall.

-Plus,-Jace adds, returning to his noodle soup, -I think Magnus can decidefor himself what he wants.

-Hedoesn’t wantme,-Alec says, rolling his eyes because he hopes it’ll hide how muchadmitting it out loud is hurting him, -It’s just – the soulmatesthing, we’re not – we’re not rightforeach other.

There’salmost a minute of silence before Izzy kneels on the carpet in frontof him and forces him to look her in the eyes: -Alec,- she says, andnow she sounds like she understands a bit better, -There is nothing,nothing,Magnus wouldn’t do for you,- she says, softly, -He’s inlove withyou and it’s not just the soulmatesthing.He’s fallen in love with you when he thought you wouldn’t want him.Of course he wants you,- a small smile curls her lips, -He isyoursoulmate, after all.

Alecblinks, andit comes to him slowly: -Oh.

-Yup,-Jace comments.

Alecstarts franticly searching his pockets for a pen: -I have to tellhim, I – -, but then he feels the skin on his arm tingle and heimmediately pulls up his sleeve.

Hisblood runs cold in his veins when he reads the one word on his skin.

Help

Heruns so fast the muscles in his legs start to ache even with therunes burning his skin, and he’s breathless when he reaches the smallalley he feels Magnus is in, Jace, Clary and Izzy a few steps behindhim, and his blood runs cold when he sees Magnus trying to hold backwhat looks like a few dozens of Demons with his magic, feels his ownskin burn where Magnus’ is torn.

Hejumps forward without thinking, Magnus’ magic letting him through,and he drives one of his arrows into the throat of a Demon beforeshooting it into another Demon’s calf,Jace right behind him to finish it with his sword, Izzy’s whipbringing down two more, and then Alec loses count.

Hekeeps as close to Magnus as he can, Demons coming from everywherearoundthem, one always ready to take the place of the one they kill, andAlec’s only driving thought as he ducks and lounges forward is Ineed to tell him, I need to tell him, I need to tell him.

It’sfast, too fast, Alec barely has time to breathe as he pushes andpushes and pushes,his sword feeling heavy in his arms, the smell of overused magicfilling the heavy air, but suddenly the Demons are parting, growlingand spitting, and a man walks between them, and Alec barely registershis presence before he’s raising his hand, black magic running fromhis fingers towards Magnus, where itshatters against a barrier with a deafening noise, and then it startsagain.

Aleckeeps glancing at Magnus, Demons dropping around him, and he’s tired,Aleccan tell he’s tired and he just needs to goto him,and –

Ablinding pain explodes in his side and Alec almost falls on hisknees, but it’s not him, it’s not him,he’s not hurt, which means –

Heturns towards Magnus, heart running so fast in his chest it hurts,and a raw scream leaves his lips when he sees him kneeling on theground, a hand pressed against his own side, the other Warlock on theground in front of him: -MAGNUS!

Ademon tries to attack him but Alec stabs it in the chest and runsforwards – he hadn’t even realised how far away from Magnus thefighting had gotten him – and he thinks nono no no, I need to tell you, you need to know –

Hefalls to his knees beside him, his sword hitting the asphalt as hecatches Magnus before he falls: -Magnus, Magnus, please, please–

Magnusblinks slowly at him; he smiles: -I knew you would come,- he says,but it sounds like it causes him pain to talk, and Alec shakes hishead as tears fall from his eyes: -Please, pleaseMagnusI was an idiot, I need – I need to tell you, please–

Magnusshushes him gently, his eyes almost closed: -Stupid Nephilim,- hemurmurs, but he sounds fond.

-Please,please,I love you, Magnus, Ilove you,-he says, and his voice breaks but it has to be worth something, itcan’t just be.

Magnuscloses his eyes: -I know,- he murmurs, -I was waiting for you tocatch up.

-No,no,no, no, no,- Alecbrushes his hair from his forehead but Magnus’ eyes stay closed andAlec doesn’t know if he’s breathing, he presses his forehead againstMagnus’ and everything inside him is quacking,-You need to be okay,- he whispers, a salty taste on his tongue ashis tears reach his lips, -Please, please–

Andhe thinks thiscan’t be useless, it can’t – this isn’t fair,the knowledge of it, deep in his bones, exploding in his chest as hejust pushesbecause–

Itcan’t be useless.

Andsuddenly he feels like every drop of energy is being sucked out ofhim and he sways on his knees, tightens his hold on Magnus’ shouldersand he blinks, trying to focus, and he sees Magnus’ magic pooling inhis wound, and he understands – it’s him, his energy.

Hepushes harder, heart beating slower, buthe doesn’t –

hecan’t –

stop.

Heblinks slowly, the light hitting his eyes brighter than he’d like.

Someonepunches him in the shoulder.

-Ow,-he protests, turns his head on the pillow he hadn’t realised he’slaying on, but what he sees takes his breath away.

-Magnus,-he whispers, relief flooding his chest, but Magnus glaresathim: -You stupidNephilim,-he says, flailing, -You could have – -

ButAlec doesn’t care, he doesn’t care about anything, he wraps his handaround Magnus’ wrist and pulls him down, interrupting himmid-sentence, pulls until he can bury his fingers in his hair, hislips in his throat.

-Ilove you,- he says, over and over, because now he can tell him and hedoesn’t care if Magnus will tell him to go to Hell, -I’m sorry I wasan idiot. I was – scared and immature and insanely jealous and itwon’t happen again and I love you. I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m so –

Butthen Magnus is kissing his lips, short and soft and gentle. -I know,-he says, his make-up smudged under his eyes as he chuckles, -And youwere a bit of an idiot.

Aweak chuckle tumbles out of Alec’s lips, leaving his eyes damp.

-But,-Magnus says, the tip of his nose against Alec’s, -You didalmostdie to save my life.

-Howcould I not,- Alec says, breathless as he looks into his eyes, -Youare my soulmate. And I’m in love with you.

Magnuscloses his eyes as he presses his forehead against Alec’s; hemurmurs: -As far as apologies go, this one is pretty damn decent.

#malec #magnus bane #alec ligthwood #malec fic #malec fanfic #malec fanfiction #malec fic rec #malec prompt #ambros writes #shadowhunters #shadowhunters fic #jace wayland #clary fairchild #izzy lightwood #otp: heart & soul

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that-quiet-girl-who-writes · 7 years

Text

Unmistakable~Part 3 (PC.)

A/N: I AM SORRY. It has taken me waaayy to long to write this. I couldn’t come up with a middle for this story and I finally had an idea, so here it is

Summary: Fuck it, I’m to lazy to write a summary, I’m in the middle of 3 other fics rn

Pairing: Caspian x Pevensie!reader

Word Count: 1589

Warnings: Blood, combat, violence, injury, fluff, swearing probably

Other Parts: Prologue-Part 1-Part 2-Part 4

Masterlist

The attack was planned and we were preparing. Everything seemed to be running smoothly. Everyone who was coming was either practicing or getting ready for battle. I was as ready as I could be, but just one thing was wrong. Every time Caspian looked at me, he had this look on his face that I couldn’t figure out. It was distracting me from all conversations and I even tried to shot a couple arrows before we left, but when I saw Caspian looking in my direction, I could barely hit the target. I was busy and it took me hours to finally get some time where neither of us were being asked to help with preparation.

I saw him staring at me from across a small section of the cave and decided right then that I needed to ask him about the way he was looking at me. We only had about an hour until it would be dark enough for us to leave, so I needed to do this now. I moved from my place with Lucy and headed in Caspian’s direction. I grabbed his hand and pulled him through the cave until we found a secluded spot where we could talk without my brothers or sisters eavesdropping. He didn’t protest or ask where I was taking him and I figured he knew I had seen him staring. Once we were alone, I dropped his hand and turned to face him.

“What’s with the looks?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Really?” I ask sarcastically. “So there is absolutely no reason I keep seeing you staring at me with a weird look on your face?”

He sighed, “I don’t want you to come with us.”

“What?”

“You don’t know what I have seen them do. This is a very dangerous course of action and I don’t want you to come.”

I stared at him in disbelief. “You know that I can defend myself perfectly fine on my own, right? Hell, I can defend myself against you! I’m not some weak little girl and you can't tell me not to go. I’m doing this to help you!”

“It is far too dangerous.”

“That is no reason! You know that I’l be fine, why all of sudden do you care if I go into battle?”

“Because I…”

“What?” I said firmly. I was angry. One of the things that I hated most was when people were this protective over me. Not that I didn’t want to feel like somebody cared about me, but he was keeping me from a fight and it made me feel like he thought I was weak. He looked a bit frustrated, but stayed silent.

“What?” I asked again. “Why the hell don’t you want me go?”

I just wanted him to tell me so I could go back to getting ready to do something that was supposed to be to help him. But I didn’t get an answer. Instead of telling me why, he leaned in and kissed me. I was surprised at first, I mean this was not what I had expected to happen when I dragged him back here. It took me a second to understand what was happening and he began to pull away. I realized he probably thought he shouldn’t of done that, so I pulled him forwards again, kissing him back this time. It only took a few seconds for my fears of anyone seeing us together to melt away. For the moment, I didn’t care if any of my siblings saw us. I forgot that they were even here. It was just Caspian and I in my mind. I didn’t want to end the kiss, but thoughts of what would happen if anyone (especially Peter) found us like this started to fill my head and I pulled away.

“So… that’s why you don’t want me to go?” I ask, sort of quietly.

“Yes. I care about you. More than I do anyone else here and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I understand that you think this is too dangerous, but I know that already. I’ve been in worse situations the last time we were here, okay? I know how to handle them and besides, we have a plan. I’ll be fine. I promise.” I assure him.

“Okay.” He said, but he still didn’t look sure.

I leaned up, putting my hands on either side of his head and kissing him again. It took a lot of will to pull away for a second time, but I knew that this was really not something we should be doing right now. Or technically ever. I was 1300 years older and we had known each other for less than a week.

“I should go. Lucy will wonder where I went and I need to help everyone get ready.” I tell him.

“Okay.”

I went to leave, but he grabbed my hand just before I was out of his reach.

“Y/N.”

“Yes?”

“Please, be careful.”

I smile at him softly, “I will. I promise.”

He let’s me go and I find my way back to Lucy, who hadn’t seen me leave and was now looking for me. Thank god she didn’t actually find me. She and I were helping set up some of our soldiers with swords and other weapons when I heard her calling my name.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah, what?” I said, shaking myself from my thoughts of what had happened earlier.

“Why were you smiling?” She asked.

“I was?” I hadn’t even realized.

“Yes, you were. Why?”

“Oh, I guess I’m just happy to back here.” I lie.

“You really hated it in London, didn’t you?”

“Well… yeah I did.” I admit. Not that it was much of a secret that I was happier here, but I tried not to broadcast how awful I found the normal world.

“At least we’re back then. You seem much better here.” She smiled at me. I smiled back.

After a little while, Peter announced that it was time to leave. I spotted Caspian in the crowd of people and found him staring right back at me with the same look on his face. The look that I now understood was full of worry and concern. I caught his eye and mouthed “I promise” to him for the third time. I was sure that everything would be fine. Or at least I would be. I was, as Peter had put it, the best soldier here. We weren’t even supposed to get into much of a fight if everything went according to plan. Of course, it didn’t though.

We ended up in big fight with the telmarines in the courtyard of the castle. I wasn’t really hurt. All I had was a few scratches on my arms. I had no idea where anyone was, all I knew was that something had gone wrong and I just needed to keep fighting. Just then, a telmarine soldier came up behind me and before I could move completely out of the way, I felt a slash to my left arm. If I hadn’t seen him and moved, he would’ve taken my arm off. Luckily I still had it, but it was cut badly on the shoulder. At least I did most of my sword work with my right arm. I turned around and stabbed the soldier right in the chest, causing him to fall to the ground.

The pain from my shoulder was terrible, but I could move and that was all that really mattered. I was relieved when I heard someone call retreat and began to make my way to the gate along with the rest of the people who were fighting for us. I was slowed down a lot by the soldiers that were against us and I could see the metal gate dropping down from my place in the middle of the battle. I began sprinting towards it, knowing that if it closed, there was no getting out.

As I ran, I could see arrows shooting past me and it was clear that they weren’t meant to miss. The gate was about half way down and I was running even faster. I slid underneath as it was now very close to being closed. As I passed underneath it, I felt pain, but not from my shoulder. The new agony was coming from my leg, but I wasn’t about to slow down to see what it was. Once I was out of the courtyard and passed the gate, which had now closed, I ran with the others as best I could to get away from the last few arrows being shot at us. Once I got to where everyone had stopped to breath for a bit, I looked down to see part of an arrow that had lodged itself into my leg. It mustn't have been shot at me, or I would have fallen over. I realized that it had probably been lying underneath the gate and gotten stuck when I slid under it.

I reached down and with a small cry of pain, pulled it out. I started to feel faint. The combined blood loss and pain from my shoulder with the injury in my leg was too much. I fell to my knees and tried desperately to look around for Peter or Edmund in the crowd. I couldn’t find them and I had no more energy, so I let my body hit the ground. The last thing I saw was a horse jumping over the closing drawbridge.

Part 4

Taglist:

@latenightbooknerd @fayrizo @all-t0-y0u @draqcnheartstrinq

#prince caspian #caspian #caspian x reader #prince caspian x reader #x reader #narnia #the chronicles of narnia #peter pevensie #edmund pevensie #lucy pevensie #susan pevensie #writing #unmistakable #part 3

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nrip · 5 years

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Doctors and nurses on Instagram: influencers like Doctor Mike are everywhere

Sarah’s Instagram feed is pretty typical for a 21-year-old model-slash-influencer living in Florida. Here she is standing dreamily in front of some ferns. Over here she’s clutching Starbucks’s new Cloud Macchiato. She poses on porches, by murals, in bathrooms, often with lengthy captions that reveal what she’s up to this weekend (wedding planning, working), words of inspiration, and her very relatable love of donuts.

There’s one important difference: In all of them, she’s wearing scrubs.

Which is appropriate, considering “shesinscrubs” is her username. Along with modeling, Sarah, who asked not to reveal her last name, is a registered nurse. Over the course of just four months she has amassed an Instagram following of more than 11,000 people.

Being a nursefluencer, a term that I have admittedly made up but that describes a growing population, is similar to being a regular influencer: You get someone to take pictures (for Sarah, it’s her little brother), you post often (once a day or else the algorithm will bury you, Sarah tells me), and promote products (like almost everyone I spoke to for this piece, Sarah receives free scrubs from the brand Figs).

On the other hand, regular influencers don’t usually have to worry about whether promoting, say, CBD oil violates medical ethics. HIPAA, the law that protects patient privacy and medical records, is also presumably not a high-priority consideration.

But for Sarah, and many young health care professionals like her, a sizeable Instagram following is a salve for a litany of problems experienced by those in the field: burnout, odd hours, and a lack of a creative outlet, to start. So it’s not surprising that within the past few months, tons of accounts like hers have popped up, gaining huge followings — largely made up of fellow medical professionals — by posting an insider’s view of the industry.

It’s also raised questions about the ethics of being a health care influencer. After all, isn’t the only person who should be influencing anyone’s health their own doctor?

Where did medical influencers come from?

Instagram is a place where you are supposed to show off how “well” you’re doing, even if you’re not doing very well at all. Scroll through the feed and you’re likely to see signifiers of social wellness (friends), mental wellness (books and bathtubs), and physical wellness (yoga and photogenic health foods) that might bear negligible resemblance to one’s actual life.

Those who have succeeded at performing that wellness the most palatably for the platform have been rewarded with millions of followers, which in turn can bring brand deals and, with that, money. It’s created a new class of microcelebrities who, intentionally or not, wield enormous influence over how others live their lives, or at least how they present their lives on social media.

“I SEE PEOPLE ALL THE TIME ADVERTISE THINGS LIKE, ‘MY SPECIALTY IS COSMETIC DENTISTRY. THERE IS NO SPECIALTY OF COSMETIC DENTISTRY. IT’S NOT A RECOGNIZED DENTAL SUBSPECIALTY.”

While most of the time when we think of wellness influencers, we might think of acro-yoga couples or, on the extreme end, people like Freelee the Banana Girl, the nude vegan vlogger who lives in a South American jungle and eats exclusively fruit, there are some accounts that are actively harmful: Instagram has contended with a serious anti-vaccine conspiracy theory problem, for instance. Its algorithmic recommendation engine can also conflate many types of “health” content, so that following one anti-vaccination account might push you to follow dozens of others, but could also group them alongside accounts promoting innocuous things like plant-based diets.

Health care influencers who have flooded the site within the past few years say they’re fighting back against that kind of social media misinformation. Many nurses and doctors on Instagram combine the cute, aspirational lifestyle aesthetic of regular fashion and beauty influencers with actual medical tips from a vetted professional.

There are now so many medical professionals on Instagram that at least one hospital has created an entire position to govern it. Austin Chiang, MD, a gastroenterologist and assistant professor of medicine at Jefferson Health in Philadelphia, also holds the position of chief medical social media officer, which he guesses might be the first of its kind in the country. “I always felt strongly that we need a stronger clinician presence on social media in order to really battle misinformation out there,” he says.

It’s why last fall, he and a few peers launched the hashtag campaign #VerifyHealthcare, which encouraged health care professionals on social media to list their qualifications, such as their education, specializations, and board certifications. “A lot of us had started noticing health professionals who were saying that they were some sort of practitioner when they actually were not,” he says. “If they’re talking about health and marketing themselves as doctors, then the public could be misled.”

Many of the top Instagram posts related to plastic surgery, for instance, are from doctors not specially trained in plastic surgery despite the fact that they’ve marketed themselves as “cosmetic surgeons.” Naturopaths, chiropractors, and aestheticians are also typically not medical doctors, but some may present themselves on social media as such.

Concerns like these have been top of mind for people like Arthur L. Caplan, the founding director of NYU’s Division of Medical Ethics. “I see people all the time advertise things like, ‘My specialty is cosmetic dentistry.’” he says. “There is no specialty of cosmetic dentistry. It’s not a recognized dental subspecialty.”

On Instagram, health care isn’t just a day job anymore, it’s a personal brand, and an increasingly lucrative one at that: All the health care influencers I spoke to had seen their followings skyrocket in the past year, which some hope will lead to bigger brand deals.

But wait, why do doctors need side hustles?

Dentist Joyce Kahng has more than 13,000 followers on the account she launched just a year ago, @joycethedentist. When she first started, she posted up-close images of teeth (she used her family members’ due to HIPAA concerns) because that’s what she saw other dentists doing. But, she said, laughing, “those weren’t being received well by normal people.”

Instead, the content that performs best on the page now is about her life as a dentist in addition to owning her own practice and being a professor at USC. Being likable and accessible, she says, has also translated into business: Around three-quarters of her new patients have found her via Instagram. “It gives you a competitive edge against the already saturated dental market,” she explains.

Despite health care being a relatively stable and high-paying industry, Kahng sees her growing Instagram following as an investment. “In some future, I do want to start to monetize it because at some point I need to have kids,” she says. “I just haven’t figured out the way in which to do it that doesn’t make me feel like a sellout.”

This is when I ask her the very obvious question: If an extremely successful dentist, business owner, and professor is worried about not being able to afford children, what hope do the rest of us have?

“Dentistry does pay well,” she explains. “The thing is, you have to work in order to be paid. It’s not like a corporate job where you can call in sick. If I don’t come in, every single person that I employ cannot work that day. I just imagine being pregnant and having to miss work for a month, [and] the office cannot run. That concerns me.”

It’s not as if health care professionals haven’t always had side hustles. The internet is filled with tips on how to make extra money as a nurse — RNs can make, on average, from $50,000 to nearly $100,000 depending on the state where they live, but when adjusted for cost of living, that number can be lower. It’s also a job that has a high rate of burnout due to the stressful work environment and difficult working conditions, which means that not everyone can or wants to make it a lifelong career.

Many nurses have recently turned to multilevel marketing as a way to supplement their incomes or as a path out of the field. And though none of the influencers I spoke to were making serious (if any) money on Instagram, most acknowledged the possibility of doing so in the future.

“I don’t think it’s fair to be like, ‘You’re a nurse, you care for other people, therefore you’re not allowed to benefit yourself financially,’” says Katy B (who also asked to keep her last name private), a registered nurse in San Francisco with more than 25,000 followers. “Most of us have a lot of student debt and trying to stay afloat. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as you’re being transparent about what you’re doing.”

Spon con, HIPAA, and medical advice: the ethics of being an Instagram doctor

That transparency, of course, comes hand in hand with the question of sponcon, or sponsored content. For the average influencer, it’s pretty simple: A brand pays them a sum of money to endorse a product, like laxative teas or viral YouTube toys, in a way that leverages their large following.

It’s different, though, when you’re also leveraging your expertise and reputation as a doctor, dentist, or nurse. Scroll through most health care influencers’ Instagram feeds and you’re likely to see at least a few #ads. Some are innocuous: Many influencers have deals with the aforementioned scrubs brand Figs, while others promote products like stethoscope charms shaped like Disney characters that can help keep nervous kids calm during checkups.

Though few peddle the kind of questionable medical treatments shilled by celebrities like Dr. Oz (rapid weight-loss pills with harmful side effects, for instance) some toe the very blurry line about what’s appropriate for a health care professional to post. Mike Varshavski, a cartoonishly handsome New York City physician who goes by the name Doctor Mike on Instagram and has more than 3 million followers, regularly posts sponsored content for everything from Clorox bleach to Quaker Oats and American Express, which could create the perception that these corporations are somehow medically approved by this doctor. (Disclosure: Doctor Mike has participated in a Vox Media panel event.)

Even average Instagram influencers now shill drugs and medical devices paid for by Big Pharma, without necessarily any real knowledge of how they work. When products fall under the health umbrella, the ethical questions are even more complicated. The Federal Trade Commission does have specific guidelines for doctor endorsements. For example, doctors should not misrepresent their specific areas of expertise. But it still raises the question: Should a doctor be paid to promote essential oils? What about NyQuil?

“I’m not sure [doctors] have any place [promoting over-the-counter products] other than to say, ‘I’m a regular user.’ I think it still undermines their professional credibility,” Caplan says. “When you start endorsing, say, aromatherapy, you’re saying you had a great time at a spa and you felt it really helped your anxiety or something. You’re getting into pseudo-medicine stuff. Some of those things can make you feel better, but you don’t want to give them scientific endorsement.”

It’s a debate that’s somewhat reminiscent of decades-long concerns about pharmaceutical companies paying or wooing doctors to prescribe their products. But this, Caplan explains, isn’t the way it works anymore. “You don’t have the old, ‘We’re gonna bring you donuts every week and you keep writing prescriptions for our drug.’”

THERE’S NOTHING IN THE HIPPOCRATIC OATH THAT CLAIMS THOU SHALT NOT HASHTAG #AD

“It’s not that everybody suddenly became ethical,” he said, laughing. Rather, now pharmaceutical companies can market directly to the patient. “There’s the ads that are like, ‘Ask your doctor about this cancer medication.’ If you have to ask your doctor about a cancer medication, you need a new cancer doctor.”

Sponcon, however, is not the main ethical concern for most health care influencers — after all, doctors and nurses endorse products all the time; as long as they comply with FTC advertising disclosure guidelines, there’s nothing in the Hippocratic oath that claims thou shalt not hashtag #ad.

Instead, that concern is HIPAA, or the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996, a federal law that provides privacy and security protections for patients’ medical information. Under HIPAA, all patients have the ability to see how and where their medical records are being used and prevent them from being seen by their employer or insurance company. And unlike shilling over-the-counter drugs, violating HIPAA is a fireable offense. The problem, though, is that HIPAA existed a decade and a half before Instagram did.

“It’s not as simple as not mentioning someone’s name,” Chiang explains. “Instagram is visual, so you see a lot of procedural photos. There are certainly risks in that. There’s even risks in geo-tagging or talking about a case that you’re doing.”

Some doctors and surgeons have achieved enormous followings on social media by posting procedural videos from the gross (Sandra Lee, who goes by the nickname “Dr. Pimple Popper”) to the straight-up gory. In 2015, Dr. Michael Salzhauer, or “Dr. Miami” began posting graphic videos of himself performing butt lifts, breast surgery, and liposuction on Snapchat, which regularly garnered more than a million views.

Dr. Miami reportedly secured permission from his patients to do so. Every influencer I spoke to listed HIPAA as one of their top concerns and said they were diligent about not posting anything that might cross a line.

“You can change the date, gender, or demographic, but someone from [their] work or family could recognize the case no matter how much you change about it,” Sarah says. “I would be scared to even think about posting about any of my patients. Maybe one of them saying, ‘You were a nice nurse.’”

Instagram is offering prospective doctors and nurses a look inside their world, and a way to deal with the stress

Though weighing the ethical questions like HIPAA and sponcon can be thorny, health care influencers also provide a genuine service for those interested in joining the field.

Like Kahng, Katy started her Instagram page after seeing similar accounts, and today, the majority of her followers are fellow health care professionals or aspiring ones. Though she originally went to college with the goal of being a physician, she realized it wasn’t for her. Now she’s on track to receive her master’s in June, when she will become a pediatric primary care nurse practitioner.

“I DON’T THINK IT’S FAIR TO BE LIKE, ‘YOU’RE A NURSE, YOU CARE FOR OTHER PEOPLE, THEREFORE YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO BENEFIT YOURSELF FINANCIALLY.’”

“My main goal is to share what my journey looks like, because in health care, especially for folks that aren’t familiar with the professional fields, there’s so many different things that you can do,” she says. “It’s cool when we all share our unique perspective of what it actually looks like on the human side.”

This explains why accounts like hers have been able to grow so quickly in such short amounts of time: There’s a real hunger among prospective medical professionals to get a sense of what the job and the lifestyle really look like.

“We’re so at risk for burnout, because we spend a lot of time taking care of other people, and I think sometimes we forget how to take care of ourselves,” she adds. “We have to brag about the cool things that we do!”

What you don’t see on Katy’s Instagram page — for reasons that are very obvious and very necessary — is her actual job. She’s currently in an emergency pediatric psychiatric care unit, where she works with children up to age 17 who are experiencing immediate psychiatric crises.

It’s difficult to imagine how the stress of such an environment can affect a person, but it does help explain why so many Instagram nurses and doctors fill their feeds with a heavily curated stream of bright and shiny images. For those who work in emergency rooms, it’s impossible to predict what the day will bring. But on Instagram, everything’s perfectly controlled.

Dustin Harris, a resident emergency room physician in Chicago, deals with the stress using humor. He’d done some standup, and started posting the funny things patients would say to Facebook. On his Instagram page, where he has nearly 18,000 followers, he posts jokes, memes, and sometimes even haikus relating to the job.

“My favorite part about it is making people laugh. It keeps me balanced. I’ll be working and I’ll see some disease, and be like, ‘Oh man, I could write a funny rap about this.’ The human body is a funny thing sometimes.”

“TV has portrayed medicine as being very dramatic or sexy,” he adds. “I felt that I could show the more real version of it. Not that those things that happen don’t ever happen, like awesome procedures or people coming back to life, but that’s not every day.”

Making light of the often dark professional realities of health care is how Sarah, the nurse in Florida, built her following in the first place. She’d started the meme account @scrublifenurses last June, which then gave her the skills and platform to launch her own personal page. Memes there range from the silly (a video of a possum carrying her babies captioned with “When you’re the only seasoned nurse on the floor with a bunch of new grads”) to the serious (the phrase “A national effort for safe staffing ratios for nurses” combined with the viral clip of Mo’nique saying “I would like to see it.”).

“A lot of our job is dealing with human emotion, and you can bring that home pretty easily,” Sarah says. “If you just bottle it all up and you already have issues with your own mental health, it can be extremely detrimental and then you lose your love for your passion.”

On both her meme account and her personal page, Sarah often posts about topics like mental health, the importance of nurses’ unions, and other national health care issues. That, of course, in addition to the stylized photos typical of influencers. “I like to post [photos that show] this isn’t what it really is, but at the same time have an aesthetically pleasing feed. It’s kind of like you have control over something, but when you’re at work it’s chaos.”

Nursefluencers aren’t going anywhere anytime soon

The benefits of being a health care professional with a big Instagram following — having a creative outlet, the ability to market oneself, and the sense that you’re combating misinformation on the internet, for instance — mean that the phenomenon isn’t likely going to slow down.

One problem, though, is that medical students aren’t exactly taught how to use Instagram responsibly. Caplan, the medical ethicist, says that at most they’ll get a single lecture on social media, which he attributes to the generation gap. While most current medical students have grown up using social media, their professors didn’t, and may not be prepared to advise them on the peculiarities of the health care internet.

In a piece for Slate in November 2018, medical student Vishal Khetpal wrote about how organizations and companies would approach him and his classmates to appear in white coats while endorsing products or attending events despite the fact that they weren’t actually doctors yet.

“The uncharted ethics of social media are already confusing,” he writes, “and that’s before you add in the influence of outside interests, many of which are ready to take advantage of students’ ability to offer some stamp of medical authority to the general public about a product or idea without asking too many questions.”

“ANYONE WHO THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO STOP THE USE OF SOCIAL MEDIA BY PHYSICIANS OR NURSES IS OVER 40.

Confusion over what’s okay to post is a constant struggle. It’s why Chiang has launched the Association for Healthcare Social Media, which is currently in the process of obtaining a 501c3 designation before opening itself up to members.

“I think a lot of physicians are almost scared to get on social media because of the restrictive nature of how things were worded in the past,” he says. “We want people to share their experiences and share their expertise.”

Traditionally, health care professionals were discouraged from revealing anything about their personal lives in the public. But, thanks in part to Instagram, that’s changing.

“[There are] some old fogies who think, ‘Well, doctors shouldn’t be sharing personal information or talking about their lives in places the patients could find it, blah, blah,’” Caplan says. “Anyone who thinks they’re going to stop the use of social media by physicians or nurses is over 40. It’s just not going to stop. We have to adjust.”

Kahng, for her part, says that now, she makes sure to teach her USC students to build up their social media presence. “They invest so much money into their education and at the end of it, who knows?” she says. “They may not like dentistry, and I want them to have a following so that they don’t feel quite as trapped. They have something to lean on.”

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