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untraceable-ace · 1 year

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Almost 2 hours late to the live react shitpost party bc I was dying my hair while watching it when it started but anyways

Under the cut bc it both contains spoilers for the m9 reunion p2 and also because it’s really fucking long lmao

They’re kicking these guys asses holy shit

wtf is going on with Kingsley btw like pardon?????

See my question is if Ukotoa is in the process of being released while they’re fighting or if he’s still locked away rn bc like

If he’s not in the process of being released waIT

NVM HE’S OUT

IN THE TEMPLE???

Oh god creepy snakes moving in tandem i love snakes but not like this

Run boy run byeeee

NOONONONO

YEAH NO SHIT THATS NOT RIGHT???

fshshshsh the giant just knocked over in the center of the set is so funny to me

fr hes just

there

Oh wait worm???

Not Ukoatoa??

Caleb my god you are a noodly wizard why would you try to intimidate a betrayer god

LMAO A 17???

“That’s me” jester my beloved

Cmon cmon NO

eight whyyy

Uh ohhhh

HAHAHAHA WARLOCK PACT

Which one which one

Is he just flexing w that ring of telepathy or did that have a purpose

Oh Jester <3

KINGSLEY???

“You just got this body” LMAO

First an accidental pact with an ancient evil sea deity then a pledge to essentially mother nature and now a betrayer god woooooh

Creepy

Wait this guy hates Melora does that mean Fjord can’t connect with her anymore?

LMAO the face

Oh not another cursed sword

i think its a cursed sword

maybe

Them putting up his stat card has me concerned uh oh

LMAO “thanks I hate it”

Ooooh a rapier fancy

its official I love Kingsley

AUGH GOOD BANTER

THE SNAKES

“Martial our forces” HMMM??

Darktow who is in darktow hold up

OHHH RIGHT plank king

Cant go back there

Fantasy DMs jfeoghehgaio;ewhaoge

syphilis gang

DAMN that was one efficient sending

You can just hear the agony in his voice ijodfsihjogiho

If anyone’s a glorified librarian its caleb idk what you mean beau

Charcuterie board

Mamas house has more tiddies followed by “That’s a good point” is fueling me

Winds in the east

mist comin in

something is brewin

about to begin

“I know all languages” jfc how many do you know now????

Im still wondering about that monkey yall what was that about

my original thought was that it was Artagan but it was so antagonistic idk

“We were probably a huge pain in your ass like a year ago” yeah sounds about accurate to what I know

I like her too jester she’s fun

risk esseks life cmon cmon cmon I NEED TO HEAR HIS VOICE AAUUUAUUGH

HES LEAVING PLS BE CONTACTING

damn wrong elf

fshshshsh hermit elf

WOW thats a lot of potions

break to wash out hair dye hold up

before i leave

haha charcuterie board

ok now brb

Okay hair’s done back to reacting

“Okay so you don’t blow yourself up” mood

Wtf is that rod??? Bc we all know he probably wouldve made it amber if he could

Fuckin dope move though omg

EIGHTY ONE????

GOD DAMN

OOOH OH I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES

GET HIS EYESSSSSSS

dainty sip of sherry in the midle of abttle from a flask i love it

holy noises followed by the camera panning to a glowing silouette of a dick on the floor

THREE DRAGONS?????

i mean ik two are illusions but DAMN

Dude I’m not sure Kingsley’s had one bad move this entire two-shot like wtf

soooo AC is 21? I think?

wait do different parts have different ACs?

HAHAHA YES EYEBALL WEAKNESS

Stab the eye, stab the eye, stab the eye, stab the e-

Gently give a slice to an eyeball muah

so eyeball AC is 27> (or equal to 27)

There has been an assault, far as i can tell sam is being a shit again

New tatoo?? Chainbreaker

Fancy

Ohoho oh nvm rip yasha’s dope ass thunderclap

won wound

Ooooh the big bad demigod can be frightened damn

DUNAMANCYYYYY

aw damn rip spell

new form who dis

Half of this live react is just me repeating one liners i found particularly funny oops

Oh nvm?? Dunamancy spell lives????

Nvm

Well ok its alive just half damage

Boy Veth I would love to see you try

“I can dodge gravity” can you????

HOLY FUCKING SHIT CHARACTER GROWTH INDEED

THAT WAS SO FUCKING COOL

Rip Beau taken out of the game bc piss

OKAY RIP BEAU FR???

FUCKING LEGENDARY HDYWTDT

GET FLUFFERNUTTERED BITCH

RIP FJORD SENT OFF INTO SPACE MY GOD

OHOHOHOHOH

CMON CMON CMON SEAL HIM AWAY DO IT DO IT

OooUuUhfhdbdjfe I love the lighting change for going under water

Cmon pls pls pls work seal that bitch away

WHAT

OHOHO

FUCK YEAH MATE

Uh oh my boys gonna get the bends good call w the far step tbh

Actually bad call that’s too fast a pressure difference

Ayo Travis w the accurate bends rep

Ugh I love Caleb’s level 17 art sm

Well damn Melora!!!! Queen shit tbh

I hope “keep that just for me” means he swallowed it again

LMFAO MATTS FACE

Dicks and Other Things

The Molly Look™️

Promptly steal I love him

DAMN Kingsley’s on some king shit

Literally

ORPHAN TAKER IM SOBBING

WAUUAUAUGHFHFB CMON CMON

HIS BOICE I GOT TO HEAR HIS VOICE SJRJQIFUJEHE

THEY GOT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER SO QUICK????? SIX MONTHS??????????

CRYING SOBBING LOSING MY MIND

That was so fucking good oh my god

stimmed so hard at the end that my limbs started to actually cramp lmao

#my posts #critical role #critical role spoilers #I’m so glad i got to watch this live im so happy #ill be going back to rewatch that epilogue as soon as it’s up on youtube what an ending

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keefwho · 5 months

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November 23 - 2023 Thursday

11:12pm

I took the day off today like was advised of me, I think it was a good idea. I woke up and immediately tried to tune into the Thanksgiving parade. The best I could do was watching this puppet guy stream it on Twitch which was actually wholesome and funny. I missed the first half of it though. Afterwards I made a bologna sandwich and rice for breakfast. A little smaller than usual to save room for Thanksgiving lunch. While drinking my coffee I decided to work on a picture I was thinking about last night to tell Daisy how thankful I am of her. While doing that I was chilling in a Black Cat in desktop and was briefly interviewed by this Australian guy before he got in an unironic fight with a couple of trolling teens. It started off funny but over time it got more toxic and people actually got upset. It sucked to watch because I thought the guy was smarter than that. I'm surprised at how many people just give in to strangers shit talking them. It was a nice time, it felt good hangin around and goofin off. I then joined a random furry who was in a cuddle pile with a few people, making sexual references constantly and flustering one another. Shit I can NOT understand and never did. Afterwards I was unsure what to do with myself for awhile. I got that brain fog and tried to sit down with a stream to anchor myself to. I didn't really figure out what to do, I sort of just waited until lunch time. It was then I found out that I didn't have a can of turkey spam like I thought and that sort of put a hamper on my lunch. Instead I had to use hickory smoke flavor which meant I couldn't bake it like I planned so I just fried everything in the pan. I had spam, hash browns with onions, green beans and carrots, corn, stuffing, and gravy. I wasn't in the eating mood when I made all this but it actually came out fantastic. Wasnt TOO many calories over either but it was still a pretty big meal. After lunch I tried to work on another drawing but wasn't feeling it. I still had the same problem not knowing what to do but I tuned into a stream that was actually kinda cozy even though it wasn't someone I usually liked. After a bit Daisy said she wanted to kill Ganon tonight so I had to grind a little for the lightscale trident I needed. We got all set up and finally went through the finale of TOTK. It took about an hour and a half and I recorded the event for the future to check out someday. It was a spectacular ending. I loved the fight with ganon and his dragon design. I'm glad Zelda was turned back to normal. During bedtime I played Neopets and started my first big combat portion it seems.

Degen time. Before bed I was chilling but wanted to do something. I've really been into cucking lately and still am but it's starting to wear off which is good I think. Theres just a lot I've wanted to try or discuss that I haven't been able to so I keep feeling the need to do it. I don't wanna go full cuck though because I can see the negative effects that might have on my opinion of myself. Deep down I want a normal mutual engagement most of the time. But in some ways I don't feel like I deserve that or am capable so I try to settle for more degrading things. Thats not always bad though, only if I do it too much.

#journal #diary #thanksgiving #bored #zelda #thankful

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strawberryspence · 3 years

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A Dinner and A Future

Fluff | Spencer Reid x Reader

Summary: Spencer just wants your first date to be perfect and surprisingly, it goes really well.

Word Count: 3,7k.

Warnings: some cursing, first date nerves, but that's it. just pure mindless fluff.

Writer’s Note: Hello! I've been going through a writing dry spell and the thing that solved it was writing this. I've been seeing a lot of edits on tiktok about Spencer's traumas and I just wanted to give him something simple and happy. I was also listening to Kodaline on repeat while reading this, so yeah it's going be hella sappy. Enjoy! <3

Gif is mine. Lesley Smith-Juniment, you have my heart.

Spencer is nervous.

Wait no, scratch that, nervous is not good enough. He was brimming to the edge with worry and queasiness. What other synonyms does nervous have? Spencer was antsy, anxious, perturbed, uneasy, at this point he can recite the whole thesaurus.

Spencer closes his eyes and takes a deep breathe. He can do this. He has waited for this for a long time and he won’t waste it because of burnt pasta.

Okay, he looks back at the note that David Rossi himself wrote in his own special handwriting.

1. Cook 1 pound pasta until Al Dente. Boy Genius, Al Dente should be firm when bitten. You cook it on a boiling water with salt and oil. SALT AND OIL.

2. While that’s cooking, do nothing. LITERALLY DO NOTHING. Watch it. Do the sauce later. In some miraculous way, if you don’t watch the pasta you’ll burn it.

A grin spreads across Spencer’s face as he puts down the paper and reaches for the fettuccine pasta and dropping it on the boiling water (which he measured with measuring cups he borrowed from JJ)

“Okay, now I wait for it to boil.” Spencer stares at the pasta as it cooks. Did he buy enough parmesan cheese? or enough pecorino cheese? Oh no. He looks over the other side of his counter where all the (complete) ingredients sit and he sighs in relief as if he hasn’t checked it 15 times since he started.

The pasta was still cooking and isn’t going to be firm anytime soon. Spencer ponders if he should just cook the sauce while waiting but he knows he’s going to mess it up if he doesn’t give it his undivided attention.

He looks at the watch on his wrist as it ticks to 5:21. He has one hour, thirty nine minutes and forty six seconds. He still has time before the date. The date with you.

It took him nine months, Derek and Emily annoying him to death to just ask the pretty librarian out, one extensive background research from Penelope, two separate talks of the “You deserve to be happy” advice from JJ and Hotch and one lecture about marriage from Rossi to finally ask you out.

He’s kinda annoyed really because he spent so much time thinking about you and thinking of the perfect way to ask you out but he shows up at the library you work at one day with a cup of coffee in hand and his heart on the other.

You didn’t even hesitate. There was no pause to process what he asked, there was no questions following the embarrassing stumbling of the words, “W-will you go have d-dinner with me? L-like a date... Date?” You immediately said yes with a small hop and the biggest smile on your face.

This date has to be perfect. He asked you to come to his apartment at 7. Spencer would’ve picked you up but he was making you a home made dinner and the date was taking place on the rooftop of you apartment, which Penelope and Derek helped him decorate with lights.

He tries the pasta and when its finally firm to the bite, he takes this as his queue to read the paper again. Of course, he can remember all of the instructions but Rossi still wrote it down and reading it calms his nerves.

3. If its cooked, drain your pasta water but leave a little pasta water on the side. Then you can continue.

4. In a pan on MEDIUM heat (just around 2-3 on the stove setting) cook one pound diced pancetta and 1 cup chopped onions in olive. Put this down and chop chop!

Spencer puts the paper down as he follows the instructions to drain the pasta. After he was done with it he puts the pan on the stove and starts chopping up the ingredients he needs.

Cooking is strangely calming. He never thought he’d find it calming. He always found himself burning stuff. So he sticks to the microwaveable meals and fast foods, even if he knows the statistics about these kinds of food.

After finishing the chopping he reaches over the paper and reads it again.

5. Are you done? Okay. Put the chopped stuff on the pan with olive oil and cook it until the pancetta is browned and onions are soft.

He immediately follows the instructions written. The onion and pancetta create a silent hiss as it hits the pan. As it cook he looks down again.

6. That’s going to take a while, so leave it but stay by its side. I am giving you permission to do two things at once. Dr. Reid, please be mindful of it.

Spencer rolls his eyes before proceeding to #7.

7. Combine the two cheeses. Then divide it in half. Then pour the half into 4 egg YOLKS. Just yolks! The yellow ones! Then beat it lightly until its really combined.

He has already separated the egg yolks from the whites (a job he didn’t think would be that hard but was surprisingly very hard) before he started cooking. He adds the combination of cheeses to the eggs and lightly beats it as he watches the pan of onions and pancetta sizzle.

When done with the egg and cheese combo, he gives the pan a stir before looking back down.

8. Is the egg done? Yes? Good. Is the pancetta and onion good? Yes? Good.

9. Okay, now you put your pasta in the pancetta pan.

10. REMOVE IT FROM THE HEAT! REMOVE IT!

Spencer follows the instructions to the T. He puts the pasta on the pancetta, gives it a stir and immediately removes it from the heat. He sighs in relief. He hasn’t burned anything yet.

11. You haven’t burned anything yet? I am proud of you.

12. Now, pour the egg mixture into the pan and toss the pasta until coated. TOSS IT GENTLY. If you’re scared use tongs.

13. Pour about 1/4 cup of the pasta water I told you to set aside earlier. You don’t have to pour all 1/4 cup, just until you get the creaminess you want.

Spencer reaches over the nearest tongs. He’s not going to toss anything tonight that involves pastas or pans. He’s taking the safe road because he wants everything to be perfect.

14. Add the rest of your cheese! Toss some more and then add salt and pepper as NEEDED!

15. You can serve it with parsley.

16. Now, go take a shower and change into some cleaner clothes.

17. Just be you and have fun, Spencer. Goodluck! :)

Spencer smiles as he puts the paper down and makes the finals touches to the pasta. He starts doing what was instructed and it surprisingly, ends up in the perfect texture. Just like the one he tasted when Rossi had a pasta night.

He was proud of himself as he takes it off the stove and makes sure that all the stoves are turned off. There was this report he read in 2018, that cooking and leaving the stove open was the leading cause of home fires.

He takes the food, puts it into a fancy tupperware (another thing he borrowed from JJ) and puts it in the microwave. He cleans up a little and stuffs the pans and pots to the dishwasher, because you are coming in his apartment even for a second.

He starts getting himself ready for the date with a shower. As the warm water glides through his body he thinks of how funny life could be.

Spencer first meets you in the library. He has not slept well in weeks so instead he opts to go to the library to get some reading done. But as soon as he sits in one of the (surprisingly) comfortable leather chairs, its as if sleep knocks him out. It wasn’t until the closing time that you wake him up and he thinks that you were an angel sent for him. This elicits a giggle from you.

“I am sorry, I am not an angel. I am just the librarian and we’ve been close for over an hour now. I just didn’t want to wake you up. You looked like you really needed that sleep.” Spencer immediately jumps to his feet as he apologizes profusely to the kind librarian, “Oh, it’s okay! Don’t say sorry. I was also reading so I didn’t mind the peace and quiet.”

That’s how Spencer meets you. He comes back a few days later after a case with coffee, croissant and an apology. You immediately become friends and thats how all of this started. Spencer finds himself falling in love with the kind, gorgeous, clever librarian faster than he expected.

Every week after that, Spencer comes to the library with pastries and coffees for his favourite librarian and every week, you welcome Spencer with a warm smile and a new book for him to read. He can read it in one sitting but he reads it in the slowest pace he could so it can last for a week.

Spencer comes out the shower and stares at his closet. Should he go casual or formal? Casual or formal? Its just dinner, he’s chill and casual is the way. He picks one of the few plaid shirts that he has and puts it on with a white shirt underneath. He tries to brush his hair, it sits for a moment before it starts curling again. He cringes but leaves it be.

Spencer proceeds to the kitchen to start packing the food into a wicker basket (that he also borrowed from JJ, he basically borrowed her whole kitchen). He packs the utensils in a table napkin that comes with the basket. The main course for the date was the carbonara, and the dessert was a tiramisu Penelope made.

He reaches over his sofa where the bouquet of paper flowers are. He made it a few nights ago with Penelope’s help. He stayed up to make more of it with old books he found in the BAU.

Because what kind of flowers is the best flowers for librarians? Origami flowers made with old book pages.

He shouldn’t be nervous. You’ve been friends for all the months that he didn’t have enough courage to ask you out. You’ve taken trips to old bookstores together for book hunting. This shouldn’t be different from your other trips.

The pitter patter of rain against his window takes him out of his thoughts.

“Shit! Is it raining!?” Spencer yelps, before opening the closed curtains. Beads of water runs down his windows and if its any other day he would love it. But not tonight, when he planned a rooftop date. He cringes as he thinks of the fairy lights hanged up and the table set up that is probably soaked now.

“Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Think, Spencer, think.” Spencer thinks fast. He finds the extra table cloth that JJ gave him because “Just in case.” He reminds himself to buy her a bottle of wine as a thank you. He places it in his small kitchen table before taking the utensils out of the basket and placing it on the table in a fancy way.

Candles. Does he have candles? Spencer scrambles around his kitchen, like a chicken without its head, looking for candles and he finds it underneath the kitchen sink. He lights some of it up and props it into some glasses (he doesn’t have a candle holder he realizes after lighting it up).

With the lights dimmed down leaving the light from the window and the light from the candles, his dark apartment gives off a romantic, kind of comfortable, vibes. It was kind of perfect because with the books on his shelves and the lighting, it actually has the same vibes a library gives off.

He was ready now, bouquet of paper flowers in hand. He can’t believe how smooth things are going, minus the damn rain. Only thing that’s missing is you.

A knock comes to the door and he instantly opens it. There you were, hair a bit wet and messed up from the rain.

His future was bundled up in a cozy cardigan and a pair of jeans right in front of his eyes and he didn’t even know it.

“Hi.” Spencer smiles.

“Hi.” You smile.

“A little to the right. No. No. Too much right, now give it a little bit to the left.” You sigh, your hand under your chin, “No, no, baby, its crooked.”

“Love, can we do this later? The pancetta is going to burn.” Spencer laughs as he climbs down the ladder with the frame.

“But you said you’ll help me with putting up the frames!” You pout at him, Spencer chuckles before kissing your nose, “I know but you also asked for my famous carbonara and I can’t do both at the same time.”

“Hmmm. I still don’t think you can call it yours when its originally Dave’s.” You follow him to the kitchen, zigzagging through the boxes of books you’ve both barely opened.

“What he doesn’t know, won’t kill him.” He winks at you before giving the pancetta and onions a stir.

“It already smells good, love.” You snake your arms through his waist and lean your head on his back. Spencer lets go of the spatula and spins around to face you.

“Thank you, sweetheart. Go unbox some of the books and I’ll call you when its cooked so we can fix the frames. Okay?” Spencer kisses the top of your head and lets you go.

You walk out of the kitchen to the hallway full of boxes full of books. You chuckle as you open the nearest box and its just full of chemistry books. You push it to the room where Luke, Derek and Spencer has built shelves for all of your books. An olive green couch sits in the corner beside the built in fireplace.

Hmmm. This is your home library but as a former librarian the dewey decimal is calling you. But then again, the books you and Spencer have doesn’t have classifications on them. You began unpacking the chemistry books and placing it on the shelf. You can hear the distinct hiss of the pan and Spencer humming Kodaline’s The One.

You push in another box from the hallway to the room and its another one of Spencer’s, this one full of philosophy books. You start unpacking it to the shelf below the chemistry books before stopping as you pull out a book that doesn't belong with the philosophy books. A smile graces your face as your hands glides unto it. It was the book Spencer bought for you on your first anniversary.

The Peter Pan cover is a bit tattered, it was an older edition he found in your favorite old bookstore. You open the book and Spencer’s messy writing greets you with nostalgia.

“We are most alive when we are in love. Thank you for making me feel alive everyday for the past year. Happy Anniversary, love. I live a full life as I love you fully.”

You smile at the book before hugging it to your chest. You sigh deeply as you looked around the room and how it felt so surreal to be in the new home you share with Spencer.

“Love, I am finish. Come meet me in the hallway!” You leave the book on the shelf as you hear Spencer calling you.

“Are you helping me with the frames?” You clap, excited to finally put up the frames. Spencer smiles as he sees you excited to put up the pictures.

“Yes, okay you need to tell me if they’re straight okay?” He instructs before climbing the ladder.

“To the right, just a bit. Oh! Perfect!” You scramble to reach for another frame as he comes down the ladder to move it, “Here! This one.” He climbs again and you instruct him with directions for the frame again.

After a few more frames, he finally comes down and looks at the frames you asked to be put up.

“It’s pretty, isn’t it?” Spencer smiles down at you and gives your cheek a kiss as he wraps his hands around your waist, “It is. Thank you for framing them.”

The frames comes in different shapes and forms, the biggest one in the middle is the picture of your wedding day. Your wedding took place in a library you immediately fell in love with when looking for places to get married at.

In the picture, you were smiling, your head rested on Spencer's shoulder as he reads a Harry Potter book he found in the kids section. It was a candid moment, both of you running to the back of the shelves to get a moment to yourselves after the wedding and the photographer snapped it before leaving the two of you in peace.

Beside it are pictures with the team on the wedding day, some on thanksgiving, christmas, new year with the BAU team, some with your family, some with Diana and in the corner is a shadow box containing the paper bouquet that Spencer gave you on your first date, the same exact flowers that was in your hands as you walk down the aisle to him.

“So, how's the first six months of officially being a Reid-Y/L/N?” Spencer teases as he lets you go from the back hug to face you and you roll your eyes at him, “Oh very hard. They hear Reid and they immediately expect greatness.”

Spencer laughs, “Same as the last name Y/L/N.” This time your the one who laughs at his statement, “Uhhh. I am not the one with 3 PhDs and 3 BAs.”

“And I am not the one whose a New York Times best selling author.” Spencer laughs even more when he sees your nose crinkles, making his heart dance and swell in glee.

“Hey, let’s dance.” He takes your arms and leaves it on his shoulders as he wraps his arms on your waist.

“We don’t have music, you silly goofy boy.” Spencer rolls his eyes at the endearment used, “I’ll sing.” He hushes you down.

“You make my heart feel like it's summer when the rain is pouring down.” Spencer’s singing voice was soft and sweet in the edges. Most nights you lull him to sleep with your humming to keep the monsters at bay and some days, his better days, he’s the one who sings and these were the days you treasure the most.

“You make my whole world feel so right when it's wrong, that's how I know you are the one... That’s how I know you are the one.” He sways you to the gentle buzz of his voice. You close your eyes as he sings the same song he sings to your ears on the dance floor for you first dance as a married couple.

“When we are together, you make me feel like my mind is free and my dreams are reachable hmmm.” Spencer hums as he runs his hands on your back. Your head on his chest and your ear listening to the way his heart is beating for you.

“You know I never ever believed in love, I believed one day that you would come along and free me.” Spencer feels at ease as he sways and sings, knowing that he’ll have you in his arms for the rest of his life.

The song ends but you and Spencer continue to sway to the music of silence.

“Can you believe its been 4 years since our first date?” Spencer asks, in disbelief of how fast time is running when he’s with you. You pull away from his chest so you can face him. You find a small spark in Spencer’s eyes as he thinks fondly of the night.

“Really? 4 years since our first date got rained on and Penelope cried because we broke all her fairy lights?” Spencer laughs before protesting, “Hey! I paid for that!”

"4 years later and I still can't get enough of that damn carbonara." Spence cackles, like an evil villain, "Don't tell Rossi that I stole his recipe for my beautiful partner."

"4 years later and I am still completely in love with you." Spencer smiles as he leans down to place a small kiss on your temple.

"4 years since I almost completely lost my mind because I was so nervous about our date." You roll your eyes, "Love, our first date was perfect. We've had this debate how many times now?"

"19 times." Spencer answers and you pinch his nose before looking around the room that’s still full of unopened boxes, “See. We should probably eat lunch and unpack. Why do we even have so many boxes of books?”

“Honey, you were a librarian and you are a writer. I am a professor and FBI agent that can read 20,000 words per minute.” Spencer answers as he looks around the unpacked house.

You smile fondly at him before standing on your tiptoes a bit to reach him and give him a kiss and he immediately steadies you with his hands. Kissing you was intoxicating and Spencer loves every bit of it. You only pull away when the kiss finally takes away your breathe.

“I love you, Spence.” You smile as you hold his face in your hands, “I love you more, sweetheart.” He smiles at you as you untangle yourself from him.

“Let’s eat your famous carbonara and unpack the rest of our house. It doesn’t really feel like home when all we can see is boxes.” You giggle before dragging him to the kitchen, making Spencer sit on the island as you prepare the pasta he cooked. Spencer watches you as you sing and dance through the kitchen in one of his old cardigans.

He doesn’t say anything but you were wrong. Home is not four walls with unpacked boxes and hundreds of books.

Home was when you showed up bundled in a cardigan, wet from the rain for your first date with him and home is still you, four years later, bundled up in his old cardigans and singing songs that magically fills and heals the crevices of his heart.

the recipe i copied for the famous carbonara!

taglist (if you want to be added, please message me 🥰): @all-tings-diego @shemarmooresfedora @averyhotchner @samuel-de-champagne-problems @bingereid

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weaselle · 4 years

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cooking for people who have no idea what they are doing (or are just, like, real depressed)

Okay, I’m a professional cook, but also, I get depressed. This is the cooking I do when I’m depressed, because I need the simplest path to a whole meal.

This is not for vegetarians, because, while I wholeheartedly support people choosing vegetarianism, and also enjoy cooking for vegetarians, for me, the simplest path to a meal includes meat. Perhaps when I am less depressed I will work on options.

A lot of recipes focus on achieving food that is in some way special, using special techniques, or using a precise list of carefully measured high-end ingredients... and that’s not this, this is all the parts of cooking that are not those things.

First, shopping

Meats Starches Veggies Sauces Breakfast/Snack

For a whole week you’re going to want

3 kinds of meat, with five portions each. So, for example, five chicken breasts, 10 sausage links, and 2-3 pounds of ground beef. Other possibilities include pork chops, salmon, some kind of steak, whatever.

You’re going to want up to 3 starches. Honestly I usually stick to just rice, but you can go with rice, potatoes, and pasta. If you want to use quinoa or polenta or something, thats on you.

And, you’re going to want about 3 types of vegetables, again, about 5 portions each -- and try to stay green. So personally, I usually get 5 medium zucchini, 2 medium heads of broccoli, and then either yellow squash or mushrooms. A bag of salad greens is also a good option, and I have an easy way to make a good salad, which I will do as a separate post.

Next pick something easy that works as either breakfast or a snack. For me this is a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and a bunch of bananas. Sometimes it’s nice to have an additional option here, like cereal or yogurt.

Last, you’ll want 2-5 sauces in bottles. I would definitely recommend a low sodium soy sauce be one of them, and maybe a BBQ sauce for the other. I usually also include worcestershire and sriracha but go with whatever you want, teriyaki sauce, A1, whatever you know you’ll eat. Hell, you can use Italian style salad dressing as a cookable sauce if you really want.

Oh, and If you don’t already have some at the house, you’ll need pan lube: butter and/or some kind of cooking oil.

Okay! we’re done shopping! Affordability isn’t the main focus here, but is undeniably important -- I live in a very expensive area, this shopping trip is going to feed me well for a week and costs me about $100 bucks. When I was living in Alabama, it probably would have cost me more like $70. You won’t need to get stuff like the sauce and rice and peanut butter every week, so you’re definitely looking at a monthly grocery bill of something like $300 depending on where you live, and that’s not too bad.

Prep

hell no, I’m depressed, the only prep I’m doing is putting two packages of meat in the freezer and the rest of this stuff in the fridge. You CAN box or bag each portion of meat separately so you can really alternate what you eat -- me, I’m gonna eat chicken for two or three days, then beef for two or three days, etc.

and listen, don’t fuck around with microwave settings or running water on things to defrost them. If you package the meat all up separately, just move a portion from the freezer to the fridge each time you cook dinner. Or, if you do like me, move the whole package when you go to cook your last portion of the previous stuff, and just deal with the fact that it will probably still be a tiny bit frozen when you go to cook next.

Tip: When you cook dinner, you’re going to make enough for lunch. That just leaves you one small meal - I often smear peanut butter on a peice of bread and wrap it around a banana like a taco - fast, easy, practically no dishes, relatively healthy

____________________________________________________________

Cooking (this is going to take about 25 minutes)

You’re going to need

ONE frying pan, medium size w/ lid ONE boil pot, medium size w/ lid knife, a spatula and a cutting board.

If you want to be fancy, you can include a big spoon. Looks like this

No matter what the specific ingredients you’ve chosen, the basic format is going to be:

Start your starch heat pan, put meat in the pan flip meat and add veggies, cover with lid remove meat and add sauce finish starch put everything on a plate while it is still too hot to eat and you are standing in the kitchen anyway, wash the like, 4 dishes you’ve gotten dirty. eat.

Okay, before you even get everything else out, start your starch. For rice this means rinse the rice and put it in the cold water and set it on high heat, for pasta this means put your salted water on the stove on high heat. For potatoes, you can use my perfect mashed potatoes recipe (I’ll do that as a separate post) or, honestly, you can wait until you’re halfway done with the rest of everything and microwave the sucker for like 8 minutes. I would never do that in a restaurant, but trying to feed my lethargic depressed ass? Absolutely.

easy rice: Fill your smallest coffee cup with rice, put it in the pot. Rinse. Fill the same cup twice with water, add to rice. Bring to a boil, give a good stir, turn heat all the way down, put a lid on it for something like 15 more minutes.

Okay, now lube your pan. Butter, olive oil, whatever. You’re probably looking at an amount more than a teaspoon and less than a table spoon of whichever you use. Personally I try to use as little olive oil as possible, so I pour a large coin sized amount (a quarter in the U.S.) into the pan, ear off a piece of the paper towel I’m going to use as my napkin for the evening, fold it up tight, and sort of paint the oil around so a little goes a longer way.

Pan lubed? Great, turn your burner on. highest heat will work but is not ideal, medium heat will work better but is still not ideal. Halfway between the two is perfect for chicken, a little hotter for beef, a little lower for fish.

Now remove two portions of your chosen protein (that way you’ll have tomorrow’s lunch too). By the time you get the packaging open and stuff, your pan is probably hot. If it’s not, let it get hot. You don’t want the oil to start smoking (warning, butter will burn faster than oil) but if you shake a single drop of water off your finger into the pan, you want it to sizzle.

If your pan is hot, put your meat in. The more you do this, the more you’ll perfect the timing, but you’re going to cook it for ~about~ 7 minutes before you flip it, maybe a couple minutes longer if it’s chicken or pork, maybe a couple minutes less if it’s beef.

Now that your meat is in, prepare your veggie. Rinse it off, cut off any part of it you don’t want to eat, and then cut what’s left into pieces the size of a large bite. Don’t worry, it’s going to get a little smaller when you cook it. Take your time, you’ll probably finish in less time than the meat needs.

Time to flip your meat? Great. Do that, and then dump your chopped up veggie in the pan. It does not matter at all if the pieces are not touching the bottom of the pan -probably most of them will not be, a bunch will be on top of the meat, that’s fine.

Put a lid on it. Now add your pasta to the water, or put your potato in the microwave, or check your rice. If following my perfect mashed potato recipe, mash now.

Rice tip, checking: eat a grain, you want zero crunch. If it’s not done and there’s no liquid, add a splash of water and stir. It it’s done or close to done, but it is still very wet, give it a big stir and leave on the stove with the lid off for a couple minutes.

Your meat still has like, at least 4 minutes, so rinse off your cutting board and chef knife, get out a plate, table knife and fork.

Meat done? Great. Take the meat out of the pan, leaving the veggies in. Add sauce to the pan. I like to also use a little wine, because it’s usually already in the house, if you have some and want to, pour a large swallow of wine in the pan with the sauce. I’ll often mix a couple sauces, like worcestershire and soy (makes something similar to teriyaki) or hot sauce and BBQ

Stir the sauce around with the veggies. This, called deglazing, is an important step for two reasons, 1: it will get up a lot of the flavorful stuff that has stuck to the pan and make your sauce better, and 2: it will make washing the pan much easier. Okay, put the lid back on for one to two minutes, maybe stir a couple times. Basically you want the sauce to stain the veggies.

Your starch should be done, turn off the burner, put a portion on your plate, and stick the rest in a ziplock or tupperware or something. Go ahead and throw the second portion of meat right in there with it.

Turn off the stove and scoop the veggies onto the plate, and pour the sauce from the pan over everything.

Now, while it’s too hot to eat, and you’re standing in the kitchen anyway, wash the pot, pan, and spatula. It should be very easy because of the way you used the sauce and because nothing has had a chance to harden. This usually takes me about 2 full minutes.

__________________________________________________________

OKAY! it’s been 20-25 minutes, you’ve got dinner and tomorrow’s lunch (just add another cut up veggie, pour a different sauce on, and put it in the microwave for two or three minutes) AND there’s no danger of dishes piling up on you :) You can even add “washing last night’s plate and fork for use tonight” to where you rinse the cutting board to really keep it full circle.

It’s not gormet. It IS accessibly healthy, affordable, and easy.

If you are extra depressed, forget the starch and use more veggies; this cuts what little work there is by up to half

Using this format, you can have three good meals per day and only spend 30 total minutes a day in the kitchen — including clean up! (dishes piling up tends to exacerbate my depression and makes cooking your next meal harder)

And it’s easy to give yourself a wide variety, from soy glazed chicken, zucchini and rice one night; to steak, mushrooms and pasta the next; followed by BBQ pork chops, brocoli and potatoes... I suck at math but there’s probably a hundred options

Just to recap, because I know I was very detailed and this might seem overwhelming, once you read through the above to answer any questions you might have, simply

-Start your starch -lube & heat pan, put meat in the pan, about 7 minutes -flip meat, add veggies, lid, about 7 minutes -wash knife and cutting board -remove meat and add sauce to veggies, re-lid, 1-2 minutes -finish starch, refrigerate extra meat and starch -put everything left on a plate -wash pot and pan -eat.

#cooking #food #depression meals

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tsukishimas-shortcake · 3 years

Text

Relationship Headcanons

↦ Character(s): Hakkai Shiba x fem!reader

↦ Rating/Warning: No rating though there are some light mentions of abuse (if you have read the manga you are aware of what I am talking about, I’m not going very deep into it though it literally just mentions it), mentions of anxiety attacks (no detail though), fluff, not proof read

↦ Word count: 1.8k (longer than planned, sections are bolded)

↦ Your Momo’s Receipt: Hello~ I’m post yet another TR headcanon and this was requested by the lovely @strawbub I hope this doesn’t disappoint, it did get longer than planned but I enjoyed writing it. I'll prob do a part two that's more of a scenario based on your first date or something since I didn't go into it here. Please note: for those of you who don’t know my blog is currently under construction, meaning I will not be updating my masterlist for the time being.

So how did you guys meet, well mostly because of Yuzuha,

One day in like elementary you’re walking home and you see this super pretty middle school girl just like yelling at this small group of guys

The guys end up running off just because they don’t wanna deal with her or the attention she's drawn to them

Behind her was a boy, taller than her but obviously younger. You didn’t assume they knew eachother though.

The boy and yuzuha began walking in opposite directions because one was going home while the other was going to pick up something like groceries

You’re so entranced by how she stood up to them yet she’s a girl who was far smaller and you end up catching up to her, almost stepping on her heels

You end up absent mindedly following her into the grocery store and eventually she just freezes, turns, and stare directly at you

Your eyes widen since you must’ve been staring and she just goes “may I ask why you’re following me?” And you explain how cool she was earlier. She invites you over for dinner (esp since her older brother won’t be home) and figured it’d be good for Hakkai to meet someone his age

You end up going over but Hakkai didn’t come down to eat so you never actually got to meet him, though from then on you would see Yuzuha every so often, visit every other weekend or so

But no matter how often you came over the next few months, you never once met hakkai,

That was until you both reached the end of your middle school education and we’re about to begin high school

You had gone over because you were going to borrow an old work book from Yuzuha, and when you go to knock on the door the door opens before your closed fist could hit it, instead hitting a firm chest

You blush and quickly apologize but the person in front of you doesn’t move at all, doesn’t say anything and almost looks like they drifted into space with their dead stare

You assume this is yuzuha’s older brother because you’ve also never met him and you immediately turn to walk away but Yuzuha calls over hakkai’s shoulder

“Y/N-Chan! You just got here where are you going?” This was def not yuzuha’s older brother. There’s no way she’d be that happy with him around; oh my god. Realization hit, the guy who you hit (though it was more of a tap) was hakkai.

The hakkai you had only caught a glimpse of in yuzuha’s photos, never talked to or actually seen in person despite going to the same school and living in the same neighborhood

He must hate you. That’s why he avoids you. That’s def why - is what you think

Yuzuha drags hakkai back inside and invites you in; you sit down with them in the living room and watch hakkai visibly relax now that he’s inside his house, his own space, with a pillow behind him and a blanket covering his lower half, he almost curls up into it as he continues to avoid your stare

“Hi hakkai…Kun? Im L/N Y/N” you say and you see his face dead pan once again

Yuzuha can be heard laughing from the kitchen as she comes back in.

She leans over and begins explaining that hakkai literally just freezes with any interaction between him and girls who aren’t in his family

You nod, thinking maybe it’s an anxiety thing? Which is the case with you, but only because he’s been watching you since you’ve come over (not in a creepy way) wanting to and working the courage up to talk to you

The 5th or so time you came over after that encounter he was inches away from introducing himself before the house phone rang causing everyone to kind of “wake up” in a sense

Every time since then he gets closer and closer but isn’t able to say anything; he even realizes he has a crush on you.

The way you sit when you do homework and how cute you look when you’re focused.

How your forehead scrunches up when you’re trying to figure something out and you end up just sitting back with a small huff followed by yuzuha’s signature laughter.

It’s also a huge thing that you get along with Yuzuha.

So enough with first meeting time for the confession.

He ends up confessing accidentally. He didn’t know you were coming over to begin with so he was flustered out of his mind. And how was he supposed to know you hadn’t actually fallen asleep and you could hear him over the tv

The tv was more white noise than anything and the day was hot since it was the middle of summer causing the window to be open and the sound of soft wind and small birds to drift in; this was the hot that makes you tired so you were all sprawled out of just sitting in a daze

So while resting your head on the table you’re dozing in and out but then you hear hakkai begin to speak, something he never really did around you

Now did you and hakkai text? Yes. Did it take him an hour to reply because his brain would explode when you replied to him? Yes. But was it a start to communication? Also a yes.

You hear him say your name quietly before he moved closer, you can feel his gaze on your features

“I like you” is all he says. Simple and sweet. But you sit there in shock, trying not to blush so he’ll have no idea you heard him but he can tell because your forehead scrunches

You heard him and are focused on if you should reply or not. And he knows that.

You open your eyes and just look up at him, he’s closer than expected. His hand close to yours on the floor and he reaches over and grabs it lightly. Hoping you’ll also return the gesture by holding his hand instead of leaving your hand limp inside his.

And you do, thank goodness, and Hakkai almost mentally can’t handle it.

Once you start dating it’s more so just hanging out at his house or yours; however he talks a bit more and you text a lot more. He’s gotten better at replying. It usually takes him like 15 minutes now

He’s kinda stressed about your relationship but not due to anything you or him did

He’s stressed because of the mentality his older brother gave him

Is he even allowed to be this happy?

He finally has someone thats small enough and naive enough that he can protect you; compared to constantly being protected it’s a sudden, strong, yet good change for him

He’s touch s t a r v e d

Yes Yuzuha shows affection; but he stopped accepting her hugs when he was around 8 just because he physically wasn’t able to handle it due to his bruises and such

But with you, even with his bruises and all you take care of him. Able to coax him into using medicines and toning down the physical violence (that he can control himself)

He also finds it super soothing when you lightly brush over his scars (especially those that his brother gave him), it helps him believe that scars are only physical and can fade with help

One thing that stresses him out the most is trying to hide you from his brother. Any time you leave something at the house its easy to pass it off as yuzuha's but when it comes to things like photos he has with you, he can't hang them up, show them off, or have them as his phone Lock Screen, etc. because he just really doesn't want his brother to know and target you since he'll then know that you're his weakness (aside from yuzuha as well)

Sometimes won't explain why he can't hang out and has legit pushed you out of his house before at the last minute notice of his brother coming home

Will always make sure you get home safe though, usually by having Yuzuha go with you since then she can just say you're a friend from school

Your parents love him, though they were a bit hesitant it became a "you always have a place to stay" because they learned about their family situation from you and yuzuha. So expect him to spend the night when he's too scared to deal with his brother. Same with yuzuha. (yes I know this isn't yuzuha head canons but its hard to write for him without mentioning her when they're so close)

We're talking three person sleep overs. Yuzuha and you of course share the bed and Hakkai takes some time to even set foot in your room much less sleep on a mattress that's on the floor

He has a small heart attack every time he comes into your room because he's overwhelmed with everything, he's never been so comfortable and it makes him feel restless. Like he's never and I mean n e v e r been less stressed and slept better than when he does so in your room

The smell, the colors, just being surrounded by you is something that completely changes his mood

Once showed up after he fought with his brother, tears in his eyes and clothes a bit tattered and you just pulled him to your room, and sat down with him.

You laid on your bed with him laying down onto of you, head on your chest as you rubbed his head and only said a few words "its not your fault"

He ends up crying so hard he falls asleep and gets dehydrated and you have to make him drink a bunch of water when he finally wakes up.

NSFW

super fucking careful w you

almost annoyingly so, but you're understanding

He knows that he might be taking things frustratingly slow but he knows that since you understand and know his history that you can help him get through it

Your first time you think you'll have to call it off because he's shaking so bad

"baby... are you sure it won't hurt you?" he keeps asking.

pretty sure that's the longest its ever taken him to finish because he was so anxious

despite being so slow and hesitant, late he isn't too scared to get a bit rougher

but im not talking anything crazy im talking like he's willing to pull your hair a bit or nip a bit harder at your neck.

Please never ask him to do anything like degrade you or some type of harsh physical rough shit, he can't

like literally im 99% sure that if you ask him to choke you or something he will pass out because of the anxiety attack he would have at even the thought.

in short with nsfw though he is sweet boy. He's a switch through and through. Loves when you take care of everything because then he doesn't have to be scared of hurting you.

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angryhausfrau-writes · 3 years

Text

Your Friends Were All Standing Around Looking At Your Cock The Other Dayee...

Interior of the farm house. WAYNE, KATY, and SQUIRRELLY DAN stand around the table, looking at something.

KATY: It's a beautiful cock.

WAYNE: Oh, it's a gorgeous cock.

DAN, shifting from foot to foot, uncomfortably: Now I'ms nots denyings that it's a mightys fines cocks. I just thinks its mights not bes appropriates to have sets outs on the supper tables is all.

KATY: Oh Dan, there's been far worse things than a cock on this table.

WAYNE growls: Better not have been them hockey nutsacks.

KATY: I'm a big girl, Wayne. None of your business what nutsacks I'm spending time with.

WAYNE, begrudgingly: True.

DAN: You knows whats you're afters, miss Katys, and that's what I appreciates about you.

KATY, flirtatiously: Oh, is that what you appreciate about me?

WAYNE: Take about ten, twenty percent off her over there Squirrelly Dan.

DAN, looking at the table: Oh hey look. A cock. What is sets most unhygenicallys on the table we eats off ofs.

KATY: Jesus Dan. Hop off our cocks.

WAYNE: Besides, you're a bigger degen than Dary if you eat directly off the table.

DAN: Where is Darys anyways? Ain't like him to miss such a magnificents cocks.

DARY enters the KITCHEN: Sorry I'm late. Spent all morning wrangling my cock into its cage.

DAN, sympathetically: Its was giving yous some troubles thens?

DARY: Kept making itself all big and plumped up. Couldn't get it to fit in the cage. Ended up having to really wrassle with it for a good long while.

KATY: Could say you had to take your cock firmly in hand there, Dary?

WAYNE: Pert near had to choke that chicken, I'd imagine.

DARY: Pert near.

DAN: But yous gots it settled downs and ins its cage?

DARY nods and hefts a rooster in a wire cage into frame: Yup. Tuckered it out eventually. Now it's placid as anything.

WAYNE: Now that's a handsome cock, Dary. A right handsome cock.

DARY, bashful: Aw, it ain't nothing special. Not like yours, Wayne.

WAYNE SHIFTS OUT OF THE WAY. PAN TO ROOSTER ON THE TABLE.

DARY: Now that's a real handsome cock, and well behaved to boot.

WAYNE: Ok, Dary. Dary, ok. Ok, Dary. Dary, ok. Youwannaknowwhat? Here's the scoop and I'm gonna tell ya. I look at your cock and I think, well, I think: good for you buddy. Just like, good for you bud. Like I'm real proud of ya, Dary.

DAN: It's a mightys fines cocks, Dary. Yous gots every rights to be prouds.

KATY: Nothing wrong with a spirited cock, anyways.

DARY, bashful: Still reckon yours'll be the cock to beat down the Ag Festival, Wayne.

WAYNE: Oh it's a handsome cock all right.

KATY: A beautiful cock.

WAYNE: Oh it's a gorgeous cock.

DARY: Not to be pulling your own horn over there.

DAN: Oh yous shoulds nevers do thats. Leastwise nots ins mixed companies.

KATY: Says you.

WAYNE, abrupt: No hard feelings Dary. Regardless of who beats whose cock.

DARY: No hard feelings.

WAYNE holds his hand straight out for DARY to shake: Then may the man with the best cock win.

LETTERKENNY TITLE BUT THERE IS A ROOSTER INSTEAD OF A DOG.

ESTABLISHING SHOTS OF A FAIRGROUD.

EXTERIOR SHOT OF THE AG BUILDING.

INTERIOR SHOT OF THE AG BUILDING. WAYNE, KATY, DARY, and SQUIRRELLY DAN are standing around a table with ROOSTERS in cages on it. The DYCKS and the HOCKEY PLAYERS are also there, standing further down the room.

GLEN enters with a clipboard, officiators badge: Wayne! How're you now?

WAYNE: Good'nyou?

GLEN: Oh, I'm just dripping with excitement to be judging all y'alls cocks. Especially yours Wayne.

WAYNE squints into the distance.

DAN: You're judgings the competitions?

GLEN: Indeed I am, Daniel. Although admittedly I misunderstood the nature of the event when I first volunteered to judge. But! I have plenty of experience judging cocks from my years on the family poultry farm. The cocks I raised as a youth...

WAYNE: Pitter patter.

GLEN: Well, fine. If you don't appreciate hearing about my cock judging credentials.

DARY, snickering: Pretty sure pert near everyone in town knows 'bout those.

GLEN: True but uncalled for, Daryl!

NOAH DYCK, joining the hicks: I for one think it is admirable that Preacher Glen has experience handling and judging cocks. And from his boyhood, once.

WAYNE: Noah.

NOAH: Wayne.

DARY: Mr. Dyck.

NOAH: Daryl.

DAN: Noahs Dycks.

NOAH: Daniel. A pity Lovina Dyck could not make it to the cock judging. I'm certain she would have had she known you were showing your cock. For is it not true, mine wife, that the love tree often bears fruit when a young man parades his cock before his sweetheart, once?

ANITA approaches: What nonsense are you speaking now, Noah?

NOAH: Simply that a Dyck chooses a lifemate in part by how well she-

KATY: Or he.

DAN: Ors theys.

NOAH: -raises a cock. Did not you impress me with your cock raising skills when first we were courting?

ANITA, blushing: You say too much, husband.

NOAH: And did not you help raise this cock which I am showing proudly this day, once? Why without mine Anita Dyck's loving and tender hand, this cock would be but small and limp and lifeless.

ANITA: Us Snatches have always had a way with cocks, as well you know.

NOAH: A good thing too. Us Dycks require a skilled hand with raising our cocks. Lovina will be delighted to know you've raised such a magnificent cock as are being shown here this day. Perhaps I shall send one of my young sons to go fetch her, once. So that she might see your cock.

DAN, hurriedly: Oh nos, I'm nots showings anybodys anythings. That's all Waynes and Darys.

GLEN: Daryl! I didn't realize you were showing your cock today too. Oh, this is so exciting! Me, in the middle of a Daryl/Wayne cock sandwich.

WAYNE growls.

GLEN: Although I don't know how I'm supposed to choose between the two of your cocks. I think it will take some lengthy deliberation.

KATY: This is already taking fucking forever, I'm going to go sit down.

DAN: I'll join yous, miss Katys.

KATY as they leave: Still not over Lovina Dyck, eh?

DAN: I don'ts knows that I'll evers stop thinkings abouts Lovinas Dycks, miss Katys. Ands that's a facts.

KATY and SQUIRRELLY DAN exit.

DARY (aside): Katy's right. This is taking fucking forever.

WAYNE to GLEN: I say again. Pitter. Patter.

GLEN whines.

WAYNE: If a man should be one thing, he should be efficient.

GLEN: Fine. Everyone here? Then lets get y'all registered. What's your cocks' names? I'm sure you've come up with some good ones.

WAYNE: Plenty of good names for cocks.

DARY: Oh, you can have a lot of fun naming cocks.

WAYNE: I'm surprised we're not naming cocks right now.

DARY: Could name one after the fictional prizefighter Cocky Balboa.

WAYNE: Or the legendary real life comedian Chris Cock.

DARY: There's always actor and former wrassler Dwayne the Cock Johnson.

GLEN: Ooh, that's a two-for-one special right there.

WAYNE: Or jazz musician John Cocktrain.

DARY: I like that one.

WAYNE: Not too obscure?

DARY: Nah, it's a gooder. Cultured - but not trying too hard.

GLEN: All right, all right. So what are your cocks' names?

DARY: Cock.

GLEN: Come again? And please note, I'm saying that in a completely different context to the one I usually use.

DARY: My cock's called cock. I din't name the damn thing. I know what it looks like.

WAYNE: Well I should hope so.

DARY: And I only got the one. Not liable to mix it up with someone else's cock.

GLEN: Ok. Fine, Dary. Ruin all my fun. TURNS TO WAYNE. What about you, Wayne? What's the big fella called?

WAYNE: Only nutsacks name their cocks.

RILEY breaking into the group around GLEN: We're all saying our cock's names, boys?

JONESY: Just naming silly cock over here, boys?

RILEY: Just christening silly amounts of cock over here, boys?

WAYNE: Again, only nutsacks name their cocks.

GLEN: Yes, boys. Everyone who's entering the cock judging needs to tell me their cock's name so I can make sure to call out the right name during the handling. It's just so embarrassing to call the cock in your hands by the wrong name...

RILEY: We've got a cock to register for judging, boys.

JONESY: Well, really it's Riley's cock we're entering. And it's a real beauty, buddy.

RILEY: Hey, buddy. It's as much your cock as mine. It is a real beauty though buddy.

JONESY: Just a real beauty of a cock here, boys.

RILEY: Half clapper top cheddar.

JONESY: Guaranteed W. Ferda!

RILEY: Ferda!

GLEN: Now boys, we're talking about roosters here, not actual cocks. Don't feel bad - I too was confused at first. So, while I'm sure Riley's cock is just delightful...

JONESY: It is. He's a registered beautician, buddy.

RILEY: Thanks buddy.

GLEN: Yes. But I just want to stress again – this is the animal we're talking about here.

RILEY: Yeah, boys. Cocks.

JONESY holds up a rooster in a cage: And this is our cock:

RILEY: Four time Stanley Cup winner.

JONESY: Four time Vezina Trophy winner.

RILEY: Hockey hall-of-famer.

JONESY: Goaltender extraordinaire.

RILEY: Terry Sawcock. Ferda!

JONESY: Ferda!

DARY (aside): Kinda surprised they have a whole cock between 'em.

WAYNE: Ain't surprised they share it though, fuck.

DARY: Same way they share a set of testicles. And maybe a tongue.

GLEN: Ooh, don't tempt me Daryl.

WAYNE (turns to RILEY and JONESY): Now where in the hell did yous two nutsacks get a cock from anyways? You better not've stolen it right out from under some poor unsuspecting farmer's nose.

RILEY: We bought it down at the feed store boys.

JONESY: Heard about people keeping chickens as pets boys.

RILEY: How they're so cute and cuddly. Plus free eggs boys.

JONESY: Need plenty of protein to keep up with the gains boys.

RILEY and JONESY flex. GLEN watches avidly. WAYNE is unimpressed.

RILEY: Accidentally bought a rooster though buddy.

JONESY (sadly): Can't get eggs from a rooster buddy.

RILEY: Still a good pet though buddy.

JONESY: Yeah, just really loves to cuddle with us buddy.

RILEY: Yeah, just really loves to cuddle with us on the sofa buddy.

WAYNE: Shouldn't keep farm animals as pets. Fuck.

DARY: Farm animals belong on a farm. S'why they're called farm animals.

WAYNE: Like. You wouldn't let a sow into you're living room. And you wouldn't let a cow into your living room. So why the fuck are you cuddling up on the couch with a cock?

JONESY: Shouldn't knock it till you've tried it.

DARY: I'll knock you.

GLEN: Boys please. Lets not fight. Not when we're all gathered here today for such a noble purpose as comparing cocks.

ALL: Fine.

GLEN: All righty now, let's see. We've got Daryl's cock: cock. We've got Wayne's cock: only nutsacks name their cocks. Riley and Jonesy's collective cock: Terry Sawcock. What do you call your cock, Noah?

NOAH: While there are a great quantity of cocks at the Dyck farm, this is our most quality.

WAYNE: Quality Dyck if you will.

GLEN: Quality Dyck it is.

DARY: Sure 'nough.

WAYNE: Like you see that cock and you say, that's Quality Dyck all right. And no mistake.

GLEN: Mhm! And I know from Quality Dyck. Now, if that's everyone, we can get on with the judging...

MCMURRY barges in: Wait! (Approaching WAYNE) Wayne. How're'you'now? Good'n'you. Ohnotsobad. Okay! (Turns to the GROUP) I, McMurry, am entering my cock in this little competition. So all you sumbitches can make a hole.

GLEN: Well someone's all riled up! You can go ahead and enter your cock right here, McMurry. No need to shout.

DARY (angry): Yeah, no need to bust our balls.

WAYNE (placating): Go have a dart.

DARY (begrudgingly): Yeah, I'll have a dart.

WAYNE and DARY exit.

FADE TO BLACK.

ESTABLISHING SHOT OF THE AGRICULTURAL FESTIVAL.

ZOOM ON TWO COCK SHAKUR PLAYING FOR A CROWD IN FRONT OF THE AG BUILDING.

PAN OVER KATY AND DAN IN THE AUDIENCE.

ZOOM ON GLEN AS HE ENTERS THE STAGE AT THE FRONT OF THE CROWD.

GLEN: How'reyounow?

AUDIENCE: Good'n'you?

GAIL: All this cock talk's got me wetter than a lighthouse keeper's slicker in a Noreaster, I can tell you that much.

DAN: Gailer!

KATY: First Glen is here judging and now Gail's here.

GAIL approaches KATY and DAN.

DAN: Yeah, Gail. I didn'ts know you were so interesteds in the agriculturals.

GAIL: Less interested in the agriculturals than in seeing some. Good. Hand. Raised. Cock. Specially when I heard Wayne's entered in the cock judging.

DAN to KATY: She knows it's nots actual cocks, rights?

KATY to GAIL: More importantly, is Modean's actually closed?

DAN: Tells me it didn't burns down agains.

KATY: This town needs a fucking bar.

GAIL: Nah, Modean's 3 is still alive and kicking sure as this old goat. But when Glen told me he'd be judging cocks at the agricultural festival I figured the whole fucking town'd be here rather than down Modean's.

DAN: Nots a bad turnsout for Letterkenny's first evers ag festival.

KATY: A great fucking turnout.

GAIL: Plus, I get a chance to see Wayne's cock today – and that's worth a day's profits right there.

KATY: Gross.

GAIL: Not that I've actually lost a day's profits. Bonny's been making the rounds at the Ag festival and apparently, business. Is. Banging.

CUT TO BONNY WEAVING HER WAY THROUGH THE CROWD WITH A TRAY OF SHOT GLASSES AND BEER BOTTLES.

KATY and DAN whistfully, along with CROWD: Bonny McMurry?

GLEN (impatient): Can I have your attention please!

PAN BACK TO GLEN.

GLEN: The event we've all been waiting for – I know I have – the cock judging. Lets meet our contestants!

GLEN gestures to the stage like a game show host: First up is Wayne!

AUDIENCE applauds.

WAYNE enters with his rooster and stands stoically, hands in belt loops.

GLEN examining the rooster: An impressive cock. Sturdy. Well built. And a real big fella. Nearly eight pounds, and pure muscle. Wayne, I think you've got a real champion cock here.

WAYNE nods stoically.

GAIL: And that's not the only cock of his I hear is impressive.

GLEN: Oooh, tell me more.

WAYNE: Glen.

GAIL: That rooster's not the only cock almost eight somethings.

MCMURRY (from backstage): Wait, is that measured over or under the balls.

GAIL: And plenty of stamina to make it through those cold Canadian winter nights. If. You. Know. What. I. Mean.

GLEN: No, please continue in explicit detail.

WAYNE: Glen!

GLEN: Ok, fine. (Gestures WAYNE to move to the rear of the stage.) Moving along, next up is Dary!

AUDIENCE applauds.

GLEN examining the rooster: Oh, you've got a feisty one here, Dary. Plenty of personality! A little smaller than Wayne's but still an excellent cock. And those freckles are just too cute!

DARY: Aw, thanks Glen.

GLEN: And I'd happily take a look at your other cock if you want, Daryl.

DARY: Thanks for the offer Glen, but like I said, I only got the one.

GLEN: Oh never mind.

GLEN waves DARY off the stage.

DARY moves to stand next to WAYNE.

GLEN: Here's our next contestant, Noah Dyck!

AUDIENCE applauds.

GLEN: Now this is something special, y'all. An excellent example of a Canadian heritage breed, known for being an excellent layer and quite robust as well. Yes, I think we can all agree that this is certainly Quality Dyck right here.

NOAH: Thank you Preacher Glen. Such comments mean much coming from such an experienced judge of cocks as yourself.

GLEN: Oh, Noah. You'll make me blush. (GLEN rapidly ushers NOAH to stand next to DARY and WAYNE) Anywho, our next contestant is Riley and Jonesy!

AUDIENCE applauds with some confusion.

DAN: What, both of thems? Collectivelys?

KATY: It makes sense. They do everything else together.

DAN: Everythings?

GAIL: Ev. Ry. Thing.

DAN: Katy?

KATY: Can confirm.

DAN: Wow. Didn'ts needs to knows thats.

KATY: You did ask.

GAIL: It's not like we gave you a blow. By. Blow account. But if you really want to know...

GLEN: This cock's a little smaller than the ones we've seen previously. Not as much muscle – might want to exercise it a little more, boys. Just really put it through it's paces.

SHORESY: Yeah! Give your balls a tug titfuckers!

RILEY: Fuck you, Shoresy! Where's your cock, if you think you're so good!

SHORESY: Fuck you Riley! If you want to know about my cock, just ask your mom. She saw plenty of it last night. Rode me so hard reverse cowgirl style I thought she was going to snap it off.

JONESY: Fuck you Shoresy!

SHORESY: Don't worry, Jonesy. Your mom was there to kiss it all better.

RILEY and JONESY: Fuck you Shoresy!

GLEN: Well! All audience commentary aside, I think you've got a very shapely cock, Riley. And I think if you put in the time, worked hard and raised it properly, you could have a real champion cock on your hands.

RILEY: Thanks, boys!

JONESY: Yeah, thanks boys!

GLEN: You're welcome. Now go sit down so we can get to our next contestant!

RILEY and JONESY fistbump and move to join the others.

McMURRY pushes forward through the other contestants: Yes, I McMurry am here to have my cock judged in front of all of you. And I'm gonna win this cocksucking cock competition, just you watch.

MRS McMURRY: Knock 'em dead, baby. Love you.

McMURRY: Love you too baby.

GLEN (awkward): Well, this cock's a little on the small side...

KATY: And that's a little bit of an understatement.

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #1: It's fucking tiny, McMurry. I've got a bigger cock hatched out an egg yesterday.

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #2: How'd you get a woman like Mrs. McMurry with a tiny cock like that?

JARED KEESO CHARACTER #1: You're a piece of shit, McMurry.

MRS McMURRY: Don't listen to him. Your cock's perfect, baby.

GLEN: Yes, well. They say it's not size that counts, but in this case – and a few others – that's just not true. Sorry, McMurry. You're out of the competition.

McMURRY: Goldangit all! (Exits STAGE mumbling profanities)

MRS McMURRY rushes after him.

GLEN: Now on to our last competitor! Modean Three's own Bonny McMurry!

AUDIENCE applauds.

DAN: I's hads no ideas she raised cocks.

KATY: I seem to remember her raising your cock pretty frequently there Dan.

DAN: I seems to remembers yous were plentys affected as well, Miss Katy.

KATY: What can I say? I like a woman with a championship cock.

GLEN: And what an excellent cock it is! A little on the slender side, but shapely! And what a lovely temperament. Outgoing without being pushy! Oh, it's just gorgeous!

WAYNE (aside to Dary): Now that's a lovely cock.

DARY: It's a beautiful cock for sure.

WAYNE: Oh it's a gorgeous cock.

GLEN: I think we have a winner folks! Let's hear it for Bonny McMurry's excellent cock!

FADE OUT TO AUDIENCE APPLAUSE AS BONNY McMURRY ACCEPTS A TROPHY.

SHOT OPENS ON THE PRODUCE STAND. WAYNE, DAN, AND DARY ARE SITTING IN THEIR USUAL SEATS WITH THEIR USUAL PUPPERS. KATYS CHAIR IS TAKEN BY WAYNE AND DARY'S ROOSTERS.

DAN: Recon Miss Katies is going to wants her seats back anytimes soons?

WAYNE: I imagine she's occupied for the evening.

DARY: Can't really blame her. I mean, who knew Bonny McMurry had such a championship cock?WAYNE: Hell, anybody'd want to go celebrate down MoDean's after a win like that. She's more than earned it, showing up all our cocks like that.

DARY: Still, there's no shame in coming second, good buddy.

DAN: Especiallys nots against such stiffs competitions.

WAYNE: I reckon you're right there, Dary. Andyouwannaknowwhat? Ain't no shame in coming third neither.

DAN: Especiallys nots against such stiffs competitions.

WAYNE stands and holds his hand out for DARY to shake: Congratulations Dary. That's a mighty fine cock you've got there.

DARY stands and shakes WAYNE's hand: Not as nice as yours, Wayne. Congratulations on the cock.

WAYNE and DARY sit.

WAYNE looks at where the roosters are sitting next to each other: Well, I'll give those hockey nutsacks this. They are cuddly little fuckers, aren't they?

DARY hawks a loogie in agreement.

WAYNE: Still not letting 'em in the fucking house though.

WAYNE, DARY, and DAN take a drink of PUPPERS.

CREDITS ROLL.

#letterkenny #this is essentially one long dick joke #@ jared keeso: call me

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sleepyweepypeaches · 3 years

Text

Cookies and crime pt.2

----------------------------------- Keigo Takami x reader - Fluff -

Y/n uses They/them pronouns.

Warnings:Cursing, mention of a gory true crime story

-----------------------------------

Takami walks into the kitchen, over to Y/n who has just finished warming the food back up. "So, Cookies and crime?" Takami asks grabbing his la carte box of chicken. "Cookies and crime." Y/n confirms. On nights like this when there's nothing to do Y/n and Takami get together bake cookies and watch true crime cases. Y/n and Takami walk over to the couch with their food, "Hay, also. Did you say you turned Mount Lady away at the door, AGAIN !?" Takami asked realizing all of what Y/n said earlier. Y/n sighs, sitting on the couch "Ya, My boss might be a bitch but her boss us actually pretty cool. They said they don't want to promote heros that don't do they're actual job. So this is the third time I've had to personally turn Mount Lady away at the door. She's exhausting.". Takami throws his head back laughing "Thats so funny!" Y/n laughs along with him "I guess, she's kind of annoying after a while. I feel like I'm reasoning with a child. She's like 'do you even know who I am!?'. Ya bitch, Walmart Regina Gorge. Now stop harassing my boss before a call security! Ugh!" Y/n and Takami burst out laughing. This was the bast. Being able to vent and really laugh with each other. It's so special, when they could be themselves. Happy together.

Y/n and Takami finish eating. On they're wayback to the kitchen Y/n pops an edible. "Okay cookies!" Takami laughs. "You have been very exited about these cookies." Y/n says taking the dough out of the fridge. "Well ya, they're cookies, you're not exited about cookies!?". Takami asks, getting a pan from a cabinet and putting it on the counter. "Of corses im exited about cookies!" Y/n laughed, setting the oven. "But i'm more exited to tell you about this true crime case I saw the other day! It was fucking crazy!" Takami cuts the dough packaging open. "I don't know. Ive seen some pretty crazy shit myself." Takami smiles at them. They both go to wash they're hands in the sink." Ok, so theres this woman her name was Katie or Kathy knight or something. And she was fucking crazy! She did all kinds of terrible stuff. But what she got caught for was the worst!" Takami and Y/n finshed washing theyer hands and started putting the dough on the pan. "Well now i'm getting exited." Takami said. "So her husband at the time got a restraining order on her and told the guys he worked with if he didn't show up the next day to call the police.". "Smart" Takami chimed in. "That night she seduced him with sex to get him in a venerable position. When he was asleep she stabbed him. He woke up and tried to get away. But she chased him down the hall and continued to stab him till he was dead!". "Damn she couldn't get a divorce!?" Takami laughed. "Apparently not," Y/n said. Takami picked up a piece of cookie dough and plopped it into his mouth. "So after she killed him, she skinned him and cooked some of him into meals for they're children!" Y/n said. Takami stoped chewing his cookie dough and looked up at Y/n. "You could have told me that before I put the cookie dough in my mouth?" Takami asked jokingly. "You couldn't have waited till I finished telling you the true crime story?"

Y/n smiled at him. After Takami finished eating his cookie dough he stuck is tong out at Y/n. Y/n stuck they're tong back out at him and giggled. "Thats pretty fucked up." Takami said. "Isn't it?! I'd just get a divorce. And thats probable not going to happen ether! I'm a ride or die kinda person." Y/n says. "If you were in a relationship and the only way out was murder. I'd kill them for you on the spot!" Takami said. "Aww, you'd do that for me!?" Y/n made puppy dog eyes at Takami. Takami made puppy dog eyes back at them "Would you hide a dead body for me?". Y/n laughs "Abso-fucking-lutely! You're my best friend, I'd commit arson for you!". "Aww, same" Takami said putting a hand over his heart. Then eats another piece of cookie dough. "Ya! you're going to eat it all before we can even get the pan in the oven!" Y/n points out. "But raw cookie dough tastes really good! Here." Takami says feeding Y/n some cookie dough. "Mmm, it is. But they're better baked!" Y/n said finishing the piece of dough. The oven beeps and Takami puts the cookie into the oven. Y/n sets the timer.

After word Y/n sits themself on they're island counter. Takami positions him self in front of them. Putting his arms on each side of them. "You know. Now that I think of it. I don't think I'd ever worry about divorces or anything like that. If I were to merry someone it would probably be my best friend. Because I know they'ed be good to me and we'd take care of each other." Y/n says thoughtfully. Looking down at Takami who had dumbfounded look on his face. Takami face went pink when they made eye contact. "I umm. I never thought about marriage really." Takami says looking away. "No? I always thought you'd be a great dad." Y/n says. Takami looks back up at them. "A dad?" He asks quietly. "Ya! You're funny and caring. And you're stern when you half to be. And you're super understanding and patient!" Y/n goes on about Takami. Y/n playfully raps they're arm around his neck. "All the sexy milfs, dilfs, and nilfs would all go. 'Oh Mr. Takami, your so attractive and good with kids! Would you like to get a drink sometime?'." Y/n pouts and bats they're eyes. Takami laughs sheepishly and rest his hands on Y/n's arms. " And i'd say, 'Sorry but i'm already married to a wonderful person! And, its cookies and crime night. And it would brake they're heart if I wasn't home for it!"

Y/n's eyes light "Cookies and crime night!?" they laugh. "Ya, Its our little tradition. I thought we might keep it." Takami shrugs, smiling giddily. Y/n's face grows warm "Oh" They smile. "Is that okay?" Takami asked tilting his head. "Y-Ya! I actually like that a lot." Y/n smiles, pulling Takami slightly closer to them. Y/n laughs "Was that your husband audition?". Takami moves his hands from Y/n's arms and places them beck by they're sides. "Ya. How'd I do?" He asked. "Pretty good." Y/n says. Y/n brushes they're nose up agents Takami's but he hesitates and pulls away. "Takami-" "Keigo." Takami cuts Y/n off. "What?" Y/n asks backing up a little. "I know we joke around a lot but. If we're going to do this. I mean really do this. You might as well call me bay my first name. It's Keigo." Keigo says. "Okay." Y/n smiles at him. Pulling him back in. "Keigo, will you just kiss me already." Keigo laughs "I wasn't expecting the sass!" Y/n sighs "Well it's taken you all night." Keigo tilts his head confused "Why didn't you just kiss me first, if you were waiting for so long?" Y/n lets out a small laugh. "Because you looked like you wanted to do it so bad. You even asked me to get in the tub with you. Plus I was kinda nervous." Keigo panics "Shit I thought I deleted that!?" Y/n shakes they're head. "Nope. I've been waiting for you to do something all night. Then you texted me that but never acted on it. So I figured you sent it by mistake." Keigo smiles sadly. "I didn't want to make you uncomfortable." Y/n runs they're fingers through his hair as he explains himself. "I didn't want to ruin what we already have. You're so important to me, and I don't want to lose you. I've never had someone like you in my life. To take care of me. Hold me so sweetly. I don't know how I couldn't fall in love with you. And I really do love you so much." Keigo raps his arms around Y/n waist. Pulling they're body's together fully. Y/n smiles and presses they're forehead to his. "I love you too." Y/n giggles in disbelief. Keigo caresses Y/n's jaw before leaning close. Placing a soft kiss on they're lips. They're lips feel so soft agents his. Light pecks turn into a drawn out kiss. A long awaited kiss. After the kiss ends. They looking into each others eyes smiling brightly. "You have no Idea how happy I am right now!" Keigo laughs, pecking Y/n on the lips again. "I love you, I love you, I love you, so, so much!" Keigo says nuzzling he's head into Y/n's shoulder. Y/n laughs "And I love you, I love you, I love you, so, so much more!". Keigo laughs "Is that a challenge?". "Yes!" Y/n laughs.

Y/n rests they're head atop Keigo's head and takes a deep breath. "Keigo?" Y/n asks. "Yes?" Keigo replies looking up at them. "I think our cookie's are burning." Keigo is knocked out of his haze. Smelling the air, woof. "Aa shit" Keigo spins around and grabs a kitchen mit and swiftly scoop the cookies out of the oven. "Well its a good thing you brought ice cream!" Y/n laughs, jumping off the counter. "Im sorry." Keigo sighs. Y/n walks over to Keigo and raps they're arms around his waist. " It's okay, they're just burnt cookies. I don't think anything could ruin my night right now!"

#my hero academia #hawksbnha #hawks #hawks x you #hawks x y/n #x y/n #they/them #they/them y/n #bnha #bnha x reader #my hero x reader #my hero academy x reader #text fic #fanfic #fluffy #fluff fic #fluff fanfiction #pt.2

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mgg-theprettiestboy · 3 years

Text

cross my heart (pt. 4)

spencer reid x oc

‘to secure peace, is to prepare for war.’

karl von clausewitz

cross my heart masterlist

word count: 2836

Spencer decided he didn't want to just be a casual acquaintance any more. He had almost died on his most recent case, and while this was a more common occurrence, something about this time was different. And he decided not to waste any more time, and to stop being such a chicken.

He offered a small smile to Raye from across the cafe once he saw her. It was ten at night, which was fairly early for both of them to be there. She held up the book she was reading, making him grin as he saw it. She had finally agreed to give War And Peace a read, and was slowly making her way through it.

He could only pretend to read, his own thoughts distracting him. There was an open lecture that he knew she would be interested in, and had already reserved two seats. Now, he just had to build up the confidence to ask.

It took him an hour.

But eventually, Spencer had finished his book a hundred times over, and his coffee had gone cold. There was no more avoiding it. He stood, walking over to Raye’s table. Her tongue was sticking out of the side of her mouth as she focused on her book, and Spencer had to bite back a laugh when she jumped in surprise, “oh! You scared me!”

“Sorry, I’m sorry. You were very engrossed,” he said with a fond smile. She smiled in return, “yeah, well, a book like this requires all my attention. I still have to google what half the words mean.”

He chuckled, before they fell into a kind of awkward silence. Spencer cleared his throat, before speaking again, “I was actually wondering... uh. There’s an open lecture on this weekend, it’s called ‘The Queen of English Literature Debate,’ Jane Austen versus Emily Bronte. The guest lecturer is flying in all the way from Scotland to travel around America, giving the lecture in different universities, and from the reviews I’ve read on it, it’s supposed to be amazing. Is that... something you would be interested in going to? Maybe with me?”

Raye blinked up at him, before her lips parted, as if she was going to say something, but then didn't. She repeated this a few times. Spencer was confused if he had rendered her speechless, or if she was having a stroke.

“Are you asking me out?” She eventually managed to choke out. He furrowed his eyebrows, before nodding, “yeah, I am. If thats okay.”

As if she finally realised what was happening, her eyes zoned in on hid face, and her expression softened at seeing his confused one, “I’m sorry, I just... it’s been a while. I don't go on a lot of dates. That sounds weird, I just mean that I don't get asked out a lot.”

His lips quirked up at her nervous rambling, before shaking his head, “I didn't think it sounded weird. I don't either. Go on a lot of dates, that is.”

She sighed softly in relief, before smiling softly, “so, Austen vs Bronte, huh? What do you think? Who’s the Queen?”

“I like to go into these sorts of debates with an unbiased opinion. I don't really favour one or the other, and I like to see if the lecturer can sway me. They usually can't, but its always fun,” he said with a chuckle, “it’s on Saturday, at Georgetown University. I could meet you here, say at three, and we can walk together?”

Raye smiled and nodded at the suggestion, “that sounds perfect.”

“Okay, perfect, great,” he said with a grin, “I will see you then.” His choice of words was not reflecting his intellect right now. He had a stupid grin on his face as he fumbled his way back to his table, collecting his things to leave and go home, and actually sleep for once. But the butterflies in his stomach thought otherwise, and he figured he it would be a struggle to fall asleep. Not that he was complaining.

–

“That was intense. Seriously, Spencer, that had me sweating!”

Spencer laughed as he walked alongside Raye as they left the lecture hall, “right? The professor was flawless with his criticisms. I don’t think I can decide who wins though, Bronte or Austen.”

“Hmm, me neither. I mean, I’ve always had a soft spot for Austen, but Bronte is just so damn good,” Raye said with a frown, “but in saying that, I wrote my college dissertation on Austen, so I guess the at already picks for me.”

“You wrote your dissertation on Jane Austen?” Spencer looked to her in surprise, as she grinned and nodded, “mhm. A cross analysis of Darcy and Elizabeth’s relationship, to the relationship of Macbeth and Lady Macbeth. It was genius, to be honest, an easy A. There was so much content, I could write for days on end and never run out of things to say.”

He laughed as she did, nodding in agreement, “that’s.... wow. I would love to read it, sometime.”

She glanced to him in surprise, nodding slowly with a blush, “I mean, it’s not brilliantly written. It didn’t get top marks or anything–“

“Hey,” he cut her off by taking her hands in his, looking down at her as her wide eyes looked up to him, “I bet it’s amazing. It sounds interesting, really.”

She bit her bottom lip, and tried to ignore the way Spencer’s eyes darted down to her mouth when she did, “okay. I’ll print off a copy of it for you sometime.”

“Great,” he said with a smile. He moved one of his hands away, but kept his other hand on hers. She blushed lightly, moving her hand to curl around his and hold it. He felt his heart leap at her returning the gesture, smiling softly at her, before looking down at his feet, “I had a good time today. I know we didn't exactly do a lot of talking for a first date, but...”

He didn't know what else to add, but he didn't have to, as she laughed, “don't be silly, I had fun. Besides, I already feel like I know you... is that weird to say?”

“No, not at all. I feel like I know you too. I suppose it’s from the books,” Spencer said as they left the lecture hall. He didn't know where they were walking to, but he wasn't about to complain. He didn't want the day to end. She furrowed her brow, “what do you mean?”

“I mean, from reading the books you enjoy, I feel like I know you,” he said with a shrug. Raye hummed, “oh yeah? Go ahead then. What am I like?”

He laughed slightly, looking ahead of them as he spoke, “you're a romantic; thats an obvious one. You love adventure, you love to escape through books. You hate horror, and anything scary, and you hate sad endings. You empathise with the bad guys. So, from all of this, I can tell that you’re sweet. You probably love animals, and definitely love children. You won't do something big unless you're pushed to, because as much as you love adventure, you only get it through reading. And you’ve... you’ve probably been hurt before, maybe by someone you care about or someone you know. Because you empathise with the villain, even when they're in the wrong. You’re considerate. And definitely a scardey-cat.”

Raye stayed silent as he profiled her through her book choices, and afterwards. Spencer immediately felt regret rise in him. He couldn't believe that he already screwed it up on the first date. He tried to apologise, “I-I didn't mean to-”

“I haven't been hurt by someone close to me, but I have been hurt, in a... in a strange way. But... I mean, I always try to see the best in people, no matter what. As difficult as that sometimes is,” she said. She rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb lightly, a look of curiosity on her face, “how did you figure all that out from the books I read?”

He relaxed at seeing that he didn't offend her, offering her a small smile, “I’m good at what I do.”

She was about to ask what he meant, before he let go of her hand to open the door for her. It was only then she realised they had managed to wander back to The Hideout. She smiled and went inside, going over to find a free table. It was busy, considering it was Saturday afternoon, and not the middle of the night.

He ordered two hot chocolates, figuring it was a safe bet, before going to the table to sit across from her, “I ordered two hot chocolates, I hope that’s okay.”

Raye smiled and nodded, “of course it is. I have a sweet tooth.”

“Me too. I always add an unhealthy amount of sugar to my coffee,” Spencer said, and she gasped, “me too! Tamara always scolds me, she says all my teeth will fall out. I also put a bunch of milk in it too. God, I don't know how people drink it without milk. It’s gross!”

“I completely agree!” He said, as they both laughed. He had the urge to talk her hand again. “I had a lot of fun today,” she hummed happily, resting her head in her hand as the hot chocolates were delivered to their table, “seriously. It was so much better than ‘dinner and a movie.’”

“Well, I didn't want to be stereotypical. And the first time I met you, you were literally buried in books, I figured this would be a good idea,” he said with a grin, as Raye scoffed and spluttered, “that wasn't my fault! Tamara loves to mess with me, but I’m too stubborn to give in. Hence my struggle with the bookshelf.”

Spencer laughed, and they continued to talk until they had finished their drinks. While he initially thought they were so similar, he was beginning to see that he wasn't entirely right. Yes, they had their similarities. But she was so much more than he expected. He found out she had a cat, called Dickens (she called him Dick, for short), and he was a ginger tabby cat. He found out she loved house plants, but struggled to keep them alive. Her favourite movie growing up was Peter Pan, and she had a bad habit of buying candles that she doesn't need.

Spencer never wanted the day to end. But sooner rather than later, the sun set on the drizzly November day, and the conversation seemed to come to a natural pause. Raye glanced outside, and cleared her throat she she saw it was dark, and used the moment of silence to say, “I should probably head home. My sleeping schedule... its a little backwards. I’m usually awake at night, and sleep during the day. Because of my work hours.”

Spencer didn't want to, but nodded, “oh, yeah, of course. I never asked, what do you do for a living?”

“I’m in accounting,” she said, smiling slightly. He could tell it was forced, “not my dream job, but hey, a job’s a job.”

“Oh. I could've sworn Tamara said you worked with the stock market, or something,” he frowned. She shrugged it off, “sometimes I do an odd job.”

“Okay. Well... I can walk you home. Which direction are you headed?” Spencer asked as he stood alongside Raye. She began to shake her head, lifting her bag and clutching it to her chest, “no, don't. I mean, I don't need you to do that.”

“No, I insist, really. It’s dark outside, and you never know,” he stressed, as Raye continued to shake her head, reiterated, “I’m telling you, I’ll be fine.”

“I just want to make sure you get home safe,” Spencer insisted, feeling kind of defeated at her rejection. She didn't seem to notice his reaction, snapping, “I said no!”

They stared at each other for a minute, before Raye just looked away, stuffing her purse and phone into her bag. Spencer tried to ignore the hurt he felt, speaking softly as he put his hands in the pockets of his coat, “I-I’m sorry. I wasn't trying to... to go home with you, or anything, I swear-”

“No, I know,” Raye said, her tone now gentle. She sighed softly, slinging her bag over her shoulder, “I’m just pretty paranoid about my security, I guess. I live alone.”

He nodded slowly, reaching into his satchel and pulling out his badge, “I don't suppose this would ease your worries?”

She furrowed her brow, taking what he handed to her to see what it was. He couldn't ignore the way she seemed to become even more tense at seeing what it was, and the way her hands gripped the badge just a little bit tighter.

All she could say was, “I thought you were a doctor?”

“I-I am. I have three PHDs. None of them are medical, though. I’m with the Behaviour Analysis Unit,” he explained. Raye’s voice was small, “you're a profiler. That explains how you were able to figure me out through books.”

Something about her tone unsettled Spencer. He thought that she would feel safer, knowing that he worked in the FBI. So why was she more alarmed than before?

“I’m so sorry for getting angry,” Raye apologised, smiling guiltily as she handed him his badge back. She ignored the warmth she felt when their hands brushed. Spencer smiled at her, “it’s okay. I’m sorry for trying to force the matter. But you can imagine why.”

She nodded fervently, before growing some confidence and taking his hand in hers, “would you walk me home? I live about three blocks away.”

Spencer felt his heart skip a beat, intertwining their fingers and nodding, as his cheeks began to glow. He stuck close by her side, as they walked down the streets of the city towards her apartment block. They came to a stop outside an old red brick building, but from the front door, Spencer could tell it must be renovated on the inside.

“Today was great,” Raye said tenderly, a warm smile on her face, “really. I had fun. If you’d like, we could do something like this again sometime.”

Spencer returned the smile, “I would love that. As long as you promise to have read War and Peace by then.”

She gawped and laughed, before groaning playfully, “oh come on, it’s just so boring. But for you, I will try. That’s all I can promise.”

“Good enough for me,” he chuckled, looking down at her as they stood face to face. She bit her bottom lip, before letting out a sigh.

“Are you going to kiss me, or am I going inside?” She quipped, as Spencer raised his brows. He smiled ever so slightly, moving to cup her cheek and lean down closer, “I will...”

Raye smiled softly, leaning into his hand as he moved closer so his lips were merely an inch away, “...once you finish the book.”

Her jaw dropped as he moved away, a triumphant smile on his face as she stammered, “you-! I just... that was cruel. Truly, and sincerely cruel. You will pay for that, Doctor, mark my words.”

“I will,” he laughed, lifting her hand that he held to kiss the back of her hand, “but until then, I bid you farewell.”

“Farewell. God knows when we shall meet again,” Raye said, taking a step backwards to walk to her building, as Spencer took a step back too, “Wilde?”

“Shakespeare,” she giggled, as they continued to walk their separate ways. Spencer made sure to stay within sight until he watched her walk through the door. She glanced back once she reached the door, smiling and waving goodbye to him, which he returned with a smile of his own. He was able to walk home with a peace of mind once he had seen her go into her building.

Raye scaled the stairs of her building with a stupid grin on her face, practically skipping up the stairs. It had been so long since her life had felt so normal. So long since she felt like she did right now; like a school girl crushing on a cute boy. She would do anything to make this feeling last forever. She should have known it wouldn't last.

She slowed as she approached her apartment, seeing the door open an inch, her cat sitting at the door.

And just like that, her good mood was completely gone, as she felt her heart stop, and her palms grow sweaty. She never forgot to lock her door. Ever.

She didn’t even bother to go inside, didn’t care to see if anything was missing or gone. She scooped up Dickens into her arms and ran back to the staircase, running all the way down while diling the number of the one person who could help.

–

cliff hangerrrrrr >:)

taglist: @slutforthegubes @pinkdiamond1016 @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @fallinallinmendes @beyonces-breastmilk @spencerlikesapplejuice @pastathighs @gcblers @hushfakebitches @ijustcomeheretoread @thelovelyrose @187-reid @madison-malfoy @averyhotchner @haylaansmi

#mgg #spencer reid #mgg angst #mgg fanfiction #mgg fluff #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #mgg gifs #mgg blurb #mgg fic #mgg smut #mgg x reader #mgg x y/n #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #spencer x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fluff

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reneesi · 4 years

Text

i never would have thought // CH.02

CH.02 II pain. just lots of pain.

WRITTEN PORTION

(Y/n) scribbled bits and pieces of math onto her notebook. She’d been at this problem for almost 15 minutes now and had failed to make much progress. But that wasn’t even the worst part, the worst part of it all was that she only had 6 more problems to do before finally being done. So if it wasn’t for stupid #26, (y/n) would probably be snuggled up in bed by now. (Y/n) sighed exhaustedly, dropping her head down onto the table. She closed her eyes, taking a moment to gather her courage.

Tsukishima had told her to call him.. like face time call him, and it’s not like it was a big deal or anything but if (y/n) was being honest that was probably the last thing she would have expected him to have said. Especially this late at night. (Y/n) wasn’t used to talking to people on the phone, much less talking to someone past 8 pm and it wasn’t because she had something against late night phone calls she’s just never had anyone to call.

Picking up her phone, (y/n) stared down at Tsukishima’s contact information, finger hovering just above the call button. She held her breath, was she really gonna do this? What if it was super awkward? Looking back at her math homework and then at the clock (y/n) shrugged and hit dial, deciding that no amount of nerves were going to keep her from finishing the stupid homework that was in the way of her sleep.

When Tsukishima picked up he was still wearing his school uniform, even his headphones were hanging loosely around his neck

“Took you long enough” He scoffed, his camera moving around for a moment as he presumably propped his phone up against his wall. (Y/n) only rolled her eyes.

“Don’t you think it’s a little late to bully me?” She glared

“Do you want me to help you with the homework or not?” Tsukishima asked, leaning back in his chair.

(Y/n) stopped for a moment, surprised at Tsukishima’s relaxed demeanor. His blonde hair was a little messier than it had been during school hours, and the shirt was unbuttoned at the top. If she didn’t know how much of a meanie he was, she might have somehow thought he looked kind of… attractive.

“Uh hello?” Tsukishima tapped his camera a couple times, pulling (y/n) back to reality.

“Y..yeah! My homework!” (Y/n) picked up her cellphone, hurriedly flipping to the back camera praying to the universe that Tsukishima hadn’t seen the dusty rose color slowly creeping across her cheeks.

“So this is the work I’ve done so far and-“

“I can already see where you made the mistake. Pan down a bit I can tell you how to set it up properly.”

(Y/n) did as instructed, following along as Tsukishima slowly explained the solution.

“Wait I think I get it!” She exclaimed, dropping her phone in a haste. Tsukishima sighed, returning to the book in his hand. Only 3 minutes passed before (y/n) was groaning again.

“Nooo, I still did it wrong,” She pouted, picking up her phone yet again “Please help.”

Tsukishima closed his book, using his pointer finger as a temporary book mark.

“Look, at the bottom, that 3 is supposed to be an 8. It was just a small mistake thats why you should let me guide you all the way through.”

“Wow, who knew Mr. Tsukishima was such a kind teacher.” (Y/n) teased, Tsukishima only made a face of disgust, his previously calm expression growing sour.

“Don’t ever call me that again, it’s weird.” He adjusted his glasses “Also the only reason im helping so much is because the faster we get this done the faster I can hang up.”

“Sure whatever you sayyy!” (Y/n) giggled, pulling her gaze back to the unfinished homework. She never could quite tell if Tsukishima was joking or not, maybe he truly was counting down the seconds until he could leave.. maybe he was only being nice because he had to, provided they were on the same team.

“Are you almost done with the next one? If you get stuck I can give you a hint.” Tsukishima yawned. (Y/n) looked over at her alarm clock, it was almost three in the morning..

“I only have two more, #27 and #28 were pretty easy.” (Y/n) replied absentmindedly.

(Y/n)’s following math problem ended up being rather long, consequently the next couple minutes were silent. That is besides the occasional flip of Tsuksihima’s page and the scribble of (Y/n)’s pencil. Neither Tsukishima nor (y/n) really noticed though, given that each had something before them capturing their respective attention. But somehow, the silence wasn’t awkward. For the first time, the two were actually coexisting peacefully, almost as if they were getting along.

(Y/n) caught a small mistake and began erasing before realizing her pencil was almost out of lead. She paused, reaching over to grab her pencil pouch. As (y/n) replaced the lead in her pencil, her eyes flickered back to her phone’s screen. Tsukishima looked calm when he read, but not his usual deadpan calm. His eyes had a lively hunger (Y/n) had never even imagined across his face.

“I didn’t know you liked reading.” (Y/n) remarked

“I do.” Tsukishima’s eyes didn’t move from the page

“What are you reading?”

“A book.”

(Y/n) rolled her eyes, clicking down against the top of her pencil and pushing out lead.

“What kind of book?” She tried, scribbling continuing once again

“Mystery.”

“Fitting.” (Y/n) grumbled under her breath. Five minutes of silence passed before Tsukishima spoke again.

“How close are you to being done?” His book half shutting once more as he leaned back into a stretch, arms reaching up and back.

“Almost done with the last one.” Remembering the time, she added “You can go ahead and go to bed, Im pretty sure I can finish on my own.”

“Ok.”

(Y/n) opened her mouth to respond, but before she could even utter a single syllable Tsukishima has already hung up. (Y/n) stared down at her darkened screen, eyes wide. She sighed, a bit disappointed but mostly just tired.

“Thank you.” She mumbled to herself, returning to her paper one last time to finally finish the math assignment. (Y/n) made a mental note to find some way to thank Tsukishima in the near future. Knowing him though, it would be damn near impossible without getting some snarky remark back. Still, (y/n) was confident she’d figure it out eventually.

previous I next

MASTERLIST

Tagslist: @domtamaki @kodzu-ken @clowninfortodoroki @kageyamasbabygorl

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keefwho · 2 years

Text

October 10 - 2022

9:58 PM

Fuck I HATE Having to take care of myself. Sometimes I wanna stay with the homies but I really gotta give my body and mind time lest I burn out. I know this. It gets irritating when things with my stomach shouldn’t even be happening. I’m starting to consider another doctor attempt but this time I’d have to invest in a specialist which will be a lot of money I’m sure. Maybe it’ll be worth it but maybe not. I could keep trying to figure out what it is on my own.

10:15 PM

Im trying not to give it too much attention because I feel like it fuels my anxious behavior, but I did good dealing with my tummy tonight. It helped that I didn’t feel nauseas, just the ache of something trying to go through me. Its annoying that sometimes I’m at about 70% for no reason. Just let me feel good PLEASE. At least I should start feeling better in the coming days if this really is a sort of cycle. It feels like every night is rough like tonight but some nights are actually okay. I just tend to forget about them because they’re so average.

10:29 PM Daily Recap

I want to do recount my day daily because I often lose track of myself and what I do. I noticed this was a problem when people ask me what I did today and I can’t remember because it all blends together. Or maybe it could have to do with my anxious thoughts. Thats a scary thought that just occurred to me. I already know if I’m distracted by anxiety I can catch myself going into a sort of autopilot and making a lot of mistakes during certain tasks. That might be happening on a larger scale in the sense that anxiety idly plagues my mind to the point that I’m not being present enough to remember things without actively trying to. Like, instead of looking back on the day based on what I’ve done, I look back on it based on how scared I felt. It covers everything.

This morning was normal. My friend actually called me trying to catch me on the toilet which he hasn’t been doing. Normally I like to wait until after I use the bathroom or eat breakfast to start working but it was taking awhile so I started on work early. Today was an easy work day too because the commission I worked on tipped so well that I was able to spread it across 4 days instead of 3 so it was already nearly done.

For breakfast I had hash browns with onions and sausage links. I remember being sketched out by the hash browns because they came from my mom’s store and were smelling kinda weird when I put them in the pan. But I refused to give in to that. They were dehydrated hash browns so they had to be okay. I ate them and they were delicious. It wasn’t as big of a calorie meal as I hoped so I also had a toaster strudel to make it a decent meal size. I watched the Goofy Movie with my bestie while I made/ate it, I liked that.

Work went well. I chilled in call with my friend while I finished the commission and dicked around after that.

My workout today was brutal. I’ve been neglecting squats for awhile in favor of just doing my treadmill so I went hard with squatting. I did 2 sets of 20 squats, sumo squats, and lunges, 120 reps total with an extra 25 pounds of weight on me. Then half my usual treadmill time after that. It KILLED my legs.

I had slacked with drawing time today so my afternoon was spent working on some things and then playing a little Rec Room before people got on.

I played Rec Room and VRchat with my bestiiiieeeeee. Rec Room was kind of irritating because there was this absolute sweaty ass on the other team of a Paintball game. He was VERY good at being a shithead but I’m usually very good about not getting bothered by people like that. I was more bothered by how I had a hard time putting up with him. He was good enough at trolling that I couldn’t respond in ANY way without fueling him, even by playing along. And ignoring him too obviously wouldn’t have worked either.

Tonight I decided to hop off and relax a little bit. I wanted to hang out more but I know this time to myself will do me a lot of good. It’s EXTREMELY nice to sit down with something cozy with nothing to look forward to except bedtime. The problem is I don’t always feel like I deserve it so it can be hard to enjoy this time. I feel good about it tonight, I was productive enough today and have plenty of more challenges ahead to rest up for. It also help that I had reassurance from my friend that I should be taking care of myself. It feels too common in the past that I would be treated like I’m ditching when I really just NEED to rest.

#journal #diary

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topsytervy · 3 years

Text

Scotcharoos ~ Pope Heyward

Blurb: you decide to make some of your grandma's scotcharoo bars with a little bit of help from your boyfriend, Pope.

Word Count: 1,273

Warnings: swearing, grammar/spelling mistakes, i think thats it

I'm going to add this just in case you don't know what scotcharoo bars are. They're basically just rice krispie treats but you add peanut butter in with the rice krispies and top it with a mixture of melted chocolate chips and butterscotch chips. A very poor and vague description but that's all they are. Nothing really special about them but everyone in my family (myself included) go absolutely nuts for them and I wrote this cause my grandma just sent me a chunk of scotcharoo bars from the batch she just made.

~~~~

Pope looked over your shoulder as you poured in the mixture you just brought off the stove, a confused look on his face. “What exactly are these again?” Your boyfriend questioned.

“They’re scotcharoo bars. My grandma always makes them. It’s basically kind of like peanut butter Rice Krispie treats with chocolate on top.” You explained.

You had practically grown up with scotcharoo bars and it was usually something your grandma made at least two pans of since everyone in your family always went back for more. Tears were often shed when you were a child cause everyone always seemed to nag them before you could get one and if you did, by chance, happen to get one, one of your older cousins snagged it from you, using the same ‘they’re bad for your teeth, we’re doing you a favor’ excuse every single time.

Not anymore though because after an hour and a half on the phone with your grandmother and a very casual ‘I haven’t had scotcharoos in so long’, you had a package in your arms a week and a half later containing, not only the bars themselves but your grandmother’s recipe as well.

Take that cousins.

So now here you were, spatula in hand as you poured the Rice Krispie cereal into the metal mixing bowl you had down.

You handed Pope the bowl. “Can you mix this together please while I get the chocolate and butterscotch chips and start melting it?”

Pope nodded as he took the bowl from your hands, beginning to mix the ingredients together.

You grabbed the butterscotch chips and chocolate chips, pouring them into a microwavable bowl before putting them in the microwave for a minute.

As Pope continued mixing, you pulled out a pan and buttered it well.

"You eat these a lot growing up, sweetheart?" Pope asked, looking at you.

You nodded. "Every holiday and birthday, scotcharoos were there. There was never one left in the pan because they were either all eaten by the time you went home or you were taking some home with you." You smiled at the memories brought back by making the simple recipe.

Pope smiled. "Well, I can’t wait to try them."

You grabbed a fork as the microwave beeped, stirring the chocolate and butterscotch mixture before putting them in for another minute, figuring that it would be thoroughly melted after that.

"I have one last bar my grandma sent me that you can have a piece of." You offered, walking towards your counter.

Pope feigned shock. "You would share a dessert you love so much with me?" He teased.

"Unless you don't want it, then I'll just…" You trailed off, bringing the treat closer to your mouth.

"No. I'll take it. Save you from a cavity." He placed the bowl down and grabbed the bar from your hand.

He couldn't lie, it did look rather delicious, and listening to you rave about it all the time constantly made him wonder what these infamous treats taste like.

He took a bite as you picked up the bowl, mixing the Rice Krispies in a little more.

"You know what? These aren't half bad." Pope nodded, taking another bite once he swallowed his first one.

You took the bowl over to the pan and spread the mixture out, patting it down as you nodded. "It honestly wasn't a family get-together unless these bad boys were there. I'm pretty sure half my cousins only showed up to see if the scotcharoos were there."

The microwave beeped and Pope went and grabbed the bowl handing it to you as you grabbed the spatula.

"Thank you," You pecked his lips as you took the bowl.

You stirred the chocolate and butterscotch again, making sure it was all mixed up and melted before pouring it on top of the Rice Krispies, spreading it as evenly as you could with the spatula.

"And now we wait for it to all cool and set." You grinned once you were finished, holding the spatula out towards Pope. "Wanna lick it clean?"

Pope took the spatula from your hand. "Hell yeah."

You giggled at his excitement as you picked up the pan and brought it to the fridge to hopefully make the treats cool down faster.

Pope gathered up the dishes and brought them to the sink, filling it with warm water and a little dish soap. He turned and leaned his back against the counter as he waited for the sink to fill, watching you as you made room for the pan in the fridge. Once you were sure that nothing would fall out, you stood up straight and closed the door, turning to face your boyfriend.

“They should be ready to eat soon.” You told him, walking over and wrapping your arms around his waist.

“Yeah. You’re gonna eat a meal first though. By the time you’re done with your food, dessert will be ready.” Pope pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

“Well, I made dessert so that means you get to make lunch.”

Pope shrugged. “Easy, peasy, m’lady.”

“Oh, really? What are you going to make?” You raised an eyebrow.

“Mac and Cheese.” You laughed at his answer and he grinned. “I said it was easy peasy.”

You nodded. “Yeah. Mac and Cheese is pretty easy peasy.”

****

After your lunch, which consisted of mac and cheese with little pieces of a hot dog thrown in it, you got up and walked over to your fridge, pulling out the pan of scotcharoos and grabbing a knife. You cut them into squares before grabbing two pieces from the pan and walking over to Pope, handing him one.

“Why, thank you, sweetheart.”

“You’re very welcome, darling.” You smiled as you kissed his forehead before taking a bite of the treat.

“I’m going to be honest,” Pope told you, “Still good but not as good as the piece you had me try.”

You nodded. “I agree 100% but, in my defense, my grandma has been making these for god only knows how long and this is my first time making them.”

“Fair point.” Pope popped the rest of the bar into his mouth. “After a few more tries, I’m sure they’ll be as good as your grandmas and we’ll be serving them up at Christmas parties as well.”

“Oh? We’ll be serving them? So you’re going to help next time?” You raised an eyebrow.

“I always help in the kitchen.” Pope defended himself.

“Yeah. Help make a mess.” You laughed and Pope’s jaw dropped.

“Clearly you’ve never cooked with John B or JJ. I swear to god, JB once got egg on the ceiling. Like, how does one do that?”

You shrugged. “Talent.”

Pope rolled his eyes. “My point is, I am very helpful in the kitchen. You just like picking on me.”

You grinned as you sat on his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck, your half-eaten bar in your hand. “Of course I like to pick on you. You’re mine to pick on, Pope.”

It was Pope’s turn to laughed as he leaned forward to press a kiss to your lips. Your eyes fluttered closed and that’s when you felt your bar get snatched form your hand. Your eyes snapped open and you saw Pope pop the rest of your treat into his mouth, humming at the taste.

You crossed your arms and pouted. “That was a dirty move on your part.”

“And I’m sure you’ll get me back at dinner when you steal some of my food so think of this as a pre-payment for what you take off my plate later.”

~~~~~

#pope heyward #pope obx #pope outer banks

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timefirewrites · 3 years

Text

COMIC SANS INTRO

Taglist (ask to be added/removed): @black-lakritz-dragon @marewriteblr @spacetimewraithwrites @emmaschoutenwrites

ID under the cut would’ve prefered to put it here, but the post is already super long, sorry

[ID: thirteen google presentation slides, all written in the font comic sans, black text on a white background.

1. Title: “Gay Space Pirates", subtitle: “thats it thats the story”

2. Title: “What.” Text:

Okay so, everyone is queer

Literally, there’s not a single cishet character in this story

I’m not sorry <3

Most of the cast are non-humans, but the ones that aren’t are super diverse

Transfem muslim gal, intersex nerd with vitiligo, nonbinary overweight dumbass, I’ve got them all

There are also some disabled and mute characters

Oh, also they’re all neurodivergent because I said so

3. Title: “Setting!”, Text:

So, humans discovered aliens are real

and joined their Intergalactic Union

(which is definitely not evil)

That happened about 300 years ago and humans are now vibing all over the galaxy

Sounds great, right?

Well, for most humans, sure, but the ones who had to stay behind on Earth because they couldn’t afford space travel don’t like it as much

The situation on Earth is kind of shitty, and some people want to leave

4. Title: “pLoT??”, Text:

Neb is one of those people

They got an amazing plan to “borrow” a spaceship and never look back

Problem: Neb didn’t account for a robot to suddenly accompany them

The plan kind of fails real bad, but in the end the two escape from Earth

And immediately get picked up by space pirates

Fortunately, they don’t get killed

Because those pirates could really use an extra pair of hands or two, for their biggest mission yet

Which is retrieving a weapon apparently powerful enough to destroy the universe before someone else does

Nobody knows what it actually looks like though

5. Title: “Neb”, Text:

Nonbinary, aro and ace (they/them)

overweight

has idiopathic hypersomnia (basically means they sleep a lot)

also chronic migraines

pretty impulsive and says what they think

has a hard time trusting others

dreamt of going to space for as long as they can remember

On the right side of this slide is a picrew image, showing a person with brown skin, dark brown eyes and black, curly hair. They’re wearing a red bandana as well as a torn yeans jacket and have multiple scars on their skin. The background is the nonbinary flag.

6. Title: “Ahdia”, Text:

Transfem, bigender and pan (she/they)

mute

mechanic of the ship and the only one with a sense for fashion

happy go lucky and just overall fun to be around

pretty laid back, but would absolutely hunt you down if you hurt one of her friends

proud holder of the single brain cell this crew has

On the right side is an image as well, it shows a woman with fairer, but still brownish skin and brown eyes wearing a black hijab and a long-sleeved light blue shirt with clouds on it. The background is the trans flag.

7. Title: “Cap”, Text:

intersex, queer (they/them)

First time they show up, they’re holding a soda and pizza

likes organization in theory

wants to appear like a badass, but is too chaotic for that

needs to wear glasses, but doesn’t bother

Captain of the crew that picks Neb up

certified mess

Again, an image of the right shows a person, this time with dark brown skin and vitiligo, dark brown eyes and long, black dread-locks. They have some silver piercings in their ears and wear a dark purple hoodie. The background is the rainbow flag with the brown stripes on top.

The next three slides feature two columns each, each with an own title.

Title: “Com”, Text:

AI of the ship

shy and nervous mess

wants to visit all kinds of planets

loves taking care of plants

panromantic and ace

uses she/her, but doesn’t really care about gender

spends most of her time watching trashy romance movies

Title: “Coal”, Text:

The robot Neb befriended

Realized they were self-aware not even a day ago and already got anxiety

easily overwhelmed by everything

Has no idea what to do with themself

they/them

someone tells them knitting is a thing and they never do anything else ever again

Title: “Laser”, Text:

genderfluid, uses he/him or she/her

weapon specialist and tired of it

suffers from chronic neurogenic pain

speaks in a very monotone voice

writes poetry, but nobody is allowed to read it

canonically wears crocs

Title: “Lifo”, Text:

gender? no thanks (uses fel/fels pronouns)

tiny, but deadly

lost an arm and half a leg and replaced them with robotic parts (same for fels spine)

usually very loud, but can be completely silent if fel wants

cook of the ship

loves collecting trinkets

Title: “Nova”, Text:

He’s absolutely enormous, huge, colossal and every other synonym for really big you can think of

looks like he can kill you, is actually a cinnamon roll

licensed medic and mom friend of the crew

I lied when I said Ahida is the only one with a brain cell, Nova knows what he’s doing too

loves painting

Title: “Mer”, Text:

Don’t tell anyone I said this, but Mer is my favorite

if the name wasn’t clear enough, his species is aquatic

he’s beauty, he’s grace, he’ll punch you in the face

killed a man and will do so again

don’t cross him, he will get his revenge and you will regret your actions

seems like he has everything under control, but really doesn’t

11. Title: “some of my favorite lines”, Text (in no particular order):

“What’s up with your display?” Their voice sounded more steady now, which was good.

“I do not understand.” Their voice on the other hand just sounded confused.

“Oh, right. You probably can’t see it. You’re currently displaying an error message. Which just reads ‘error’. Not very helpful.”

“Fuck. I didn’t deactivate it.”

“We could just go in and race to the top.”

“What? No. Why would we do that? We can’t afford to get caught, we need to make a plan, Coal.”

“You said you wanted an adventure. Plus, I do not think we could create a plan, seeing as we know next to nothing about its defence and security.”

They said that because of them? They were just rambling earlier, not really thinking about it, just talking to fill the silence.

“Okay. But if anything goes wrong, it’ll be your fault.”

“Uh, I don’t think so? Better not touch it, though.” As Lifo said that, Cap could see fel fighting against the desire to do just that. At least Com would be happy.

Chapter 13 - they did surgery on a grape Neb

“Oh. I’m the ship. Nice to meet you?”

Whatever the hell was going on, they didn’t sign up for this.

“I am fine.” Perfectly fine. Mhm.

Coal nodded, then just stood around?

"You're outnumbered now! Coal agreed to watch Love On A Foreign Planet with me. So, uh, get moving, Fishsticks."

They settled on two things they were pretty sure were edible: a soda labeled “SpacePop: the best soda in the universe” with a “multiple sunsets on Madoras” flavor and some leftover pizza. (They were pretty sure Madoras didn’t exist, they never heard of that planet before. Maybe they shouldn’t drink that soda after all.)

“I’m Laser, my gender is a burning trash can and my pronouns depend entirely on the mercy of the universe.”

12. Title: “Homegrown memes”, this slide is filled with six different memes.

A windows error message, but the title and text is just screaming. The two options are “AAA” or “AAA”. It’s labeled “Coal”.

A photo of two people in wedding clothes. They’re labeled “Laser and Lifo”, in the background is a person falling from the sky, labeled “Com”.

Spiderman (labeled “Mer”) is holding a screen labeled “dealing with a breakup like a normal person”, in the next frame that screen is being thrown away as spiderman looks at a pc being held by someone else labeled as “commiting murder”.

A person is being kicked into a lake by someone else. They’re labeled “Coal trying to figure out what to do now that they’re self-aware”. The person kicking them is labeled “the plot”.

The “is this a pigeon” meme, but the guy is labeled as “Cap”, the butterfly as “wearing a hoodie and truly horrendous shorts” and the caption now says “is this formal dress attire?”.

The last meme is a chart, with five rows and two columns.

Row 1: Regularly says fuck: Coal, Lifo

Row 2: has sworn of saying fuck, but said it at some point: Cap, Neb

Row 3: has not said fuck before, but can if so desired: Laser, Ahdia, Mer

Row 4: has not said fuck before and refuses to say it: Com, Nova

Row 5: legally cannot say fuck: also Coal

13. This slide is an image of Earth as seen from space. Above it white text reads “the End”. /end ID]

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ahoodgirl · 3 years

Text

♡ marry me / surprise ♡ {victor tan (swat)}

> its gonna be a long one, folks! <

> warnings: sex – 18+ only! <

> words: 1,978 <

> listen to: marry me by train <

> author's note: to all my Victor Tan / SWAT fans! you're gonna love this! I love each and every members of swat, but Victor, oohf, i have a *very* soft spot for him, deeeep in my heart. So of course, I had to write something marriage wise, along with their first time and the flight to the winter cabin, etc., etc,. Theres gonna be three parts to this.. I like to change it up with the names in each story/fic I write so in this one, the girls name is Miya Ashleigh Daniels/Tan. Tell me what you think, if i should make this a series or not. So please, enjoy this long read of 'Marry Me / Surprise' fic imagine for Victor Tan. <

> P A R T O N E — the wedding <

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

It was the day everyone was looking forward to, the day that both Victor and I were patiently waiting for, and now its finally here... our wedding day.

We decided that, instead of a church wedding, we'd get married in our best friends barn in his back yard then have the reception at a close–by venue.

We got engaged exactly a year and a half ago, knowing we'd want a winter wedding, exactly a week before christmas. We found a little snowy cottage in the mountains that we wanted to stay at / go to for our honeymoon.

My dress came in last month, and it fits me perfectly. Vic had his since last year, knowing he'd have to keep in shape in order for him to still be able to wear it, when everything finally comes into fruition.

We only invited our friends and family, total wedding and reception maxing out 50, we invited 40. Plenty of room to have a good time.

My maid of honor ‐ Deacon's wife Annie - helped me get into my dress while my two other bridesmaids ‐ Chris and Molly ‐ did my hair and makeup. I was okay with Chris not wearing a dress, as she opted for a dark purple and black pantsuit instead.

Once I got dressed and Vic's best man came for me ‐ Deacon himself ‐ I do my best to keep myself together as we walk to the front doors of the barn.

Since my dad nor my mom is here to walk me down the aisle, Deacon took it upon himself to take on that duty, not taking no for an answer. So here we are at the doors waiting for the famous song to be played, and Deac turns to me and says, "your beautiful. Victor's gonna be a crying mess when he sees you." I laugh as I hold back tears. "Don't cry, your gonna mess up your makeup." I chuckle and reply "who needs makeup when you're in love with someone who loves you no matter what you look like, makeup or no makeup. But thank you, Deacon, for being my shoulder to walk me down the aisle. It means, a lot since my dad's not here to do it."

Before he could respond, we hear our signal and fix ourselves. I hang onto Deacons arm with my left hand while my right holds onto my bouquet and the bottom of my dress as the barn doors are opened. I see everyone standing, the only person standing out to me tremendously, my soon–to–be husband, Victor Tan. And just like Deacon said, once he saw me he couldn't stop the flow of tears from his eyes. I did my best to keep my composure so my makeup wouldn't look like a wreck if front of our guests. As Deacon hands me off to Victor and gets back to his spot behind the groom, I hand my bouquet to Annie and step in–front of Vic and grab both his hands as the officiant starts the ceremony.

♡

"I now pronounce you, husband and wife, you may now kiss your bride." Victor smiles and leans in to give me one of the best kisses yet. We turn to our guests and the officiant says, "I pronounce to you, Mr. & Mrs. Victor Tan!" We kiss one more time and walk out of the barn holding hands, smiling.

We get into the rented range rover and drive to a nearby abandoned building and park.

We both agreed to wait to have sex once we're married, but to also not wait once we're somewhere private, either. So we opted for car sex. Passionate, sexy and meaningful.

Once he parks, we hurry to the back seat, put both seats down and strip ourselves naked, making sure not to waste anymore time than we've already lost by driving to our 'abandoned–building–sex' location.

He wastes no time in getting behind me, pushing himself inside and roughly thrusting in and out, his fingers leaving bruises behind from the amount of pressure he's putting on my hips.

As he fucks me harder from behind, I hold onto the pushed–up seat in-front of me and groan out loudly, my mouth open wide giving him the opportunity to grab my face and pull it towards him, kissing my lips as his fingers dig deep into my hips, searching for his high.

"Vic, aagh!" hearing me moan out his name gives him the drive to push forward and hit my gspot rapidly, his orgasm hitting him like a train, his cum spewing inside my vagina.

Once we've finished our spontaneous adventure, we quickly clean ourselves up and drive to our reception.

Victor parks in the 'just–married' parking spot and shuts the engine off. We make sure that we're put together right and get out, then hand–in–hand walk to the doors just in time as our announcer announces us and we walk through the doors holding our hands above our heads.

We walk to our table and find our seats ‐ Mr. & Mrs. ‐ and sit down.

We eat our meal, and dessert ‐ you know I had to smash cake in his face; he did too ‐ before it's time for our first dance.

After everything's done, and the reception is finished, it was time for pictures.

Our photographer snapped many photos ‐ some we loved and some we didn't ‐ and everything was good. You could just *tell* how happy Victor looked. You could tell. That look he gave me, was the same one he gave me while we were fucking in the rental car, just hours before our reception ‐ pure lust ‐ my favorite 'private moment' between us so far.

After pictures, we thank eveyone for coming, then leave in the rental range rover and head to our hotel, where we'll stay the night, then early that next morning ‐ 3:40 am ‐ we'll get up, pack and fly to our honeymoon.

> P A R T T W O — the honeymoon <

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

After Victor unlocks the front door, we finally walk in the cabin we're staying at for our honeymoon, and drag our luggage to our room. We spend a few hours in our room to ourselves, not coming out until it was 3am ‐ we were both hungry so I had to make something ‐ then going back for the rest of the night.

We finally came out of the room at 2, deciding to go outside and adventure, along with a few snowball fights as well.

A snow war, two snow forts and a shit ton of snowballs later, we go inside for some hot chocolate.

Victor takes off all his coats and his boots then goes to the cabinet and grabs two packets of hot chocolate. I take off my coats and my boots as well then sit on the couch in front of the fireplace and wait.

"I can't believe you ambushed me! Your own husband!" I laugh as he hands me my mug of hot chocolate full of marshmallows. "Yeah, thats something you should get used to." he laughs and sits down beside me.

"do you think anyone knew what we did after they announced us?" I laugh so hard, I sneeze chocolate out of my nose. "I don't think they had a clue, but you did fuck me good though, I'll give you that." he smiles. "thank you. I'll except that compliment, and raise you higher on that tonight."

We finish our hot chocolates and go back outside to the snow.

♡

It was two days before Christmas and we had already planned to stay at his moms until after New Years.

We pack that night and get everything ready for when we wake up early tomorrow morning to leave for the airport headed back home.

> P A R T T H R E E — home <

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

After an hour flight we finally land and grab our luggage and get off the plane. We go through baggage then head to security check. We walk outside to find his mom waiting for us. We stuff our bags in her car and she drives off.

An hour after we've gotten to his moms home, we settle in and get everything set and ready for Christmas ‐ and a surprise I've been waiting so long to give/tell him - as we both fall asleep peacefully next to each other.

♡

On Christmas morning, Victor surprised me with breakfast in bed ‐ grits {w. cheese}, waffles, bacon, milk and orange juice ‐ then we go open presents with his mom in the living room.

His mom got me some stuff for our new house, I got her a new pot and pan, she got Victor some underwear and socks ‐ to which he was embarrassed that she knew his size ‐ and he got his mom a photobook full of his childhood and adulthood memories.

Victor grabbed my present from behind the couch and handed it to me. I opened it and was shocked ‐ an ornament with a picture of us at our wedding, saying 'Victor & Miya, our first Christmas 2019.' "aww, Victor. You didn't have to do this," I smile then stand up to give him a hug and kiss. "but my present is better," he looks at me in confusion as I grab the final box under the tree ‐ a small box ‐ and smile, handing the box to Victor.

He looks at me with a weird face, but unwraps the red ribbon and pulls the top off the box, then he looks at me. "w–what?" I nod my head as I take a sip of my hot chocolate. "you're, pregnant?" I set my mug down on the coffee table in front of me and turn to Victor. "I found out last week. I wanted so badly to tell you, but I figured since Christmas was coming up I might as well wait. So I put all three tests in this box and wrapped it up, then made sure it was hidden so you wouldn't grab it first." Vic's mom was so happy, she started crying tears of joy. We all hugged each other then threw away all the trash from the presents.

Victor's mom makes up food while I get all the drinks ready and set them on the table. He helps her plate the food and hands them to me to take to the table.

♡

After we eat and Vic and I help wash dishes, we sit down on the couch and put on a movie.

After the ending credits rolled through, Victor realized I was asleep and carried me to the room, then got in beside me and also fell asleep with him cuddling me.

New Years Eve came around, and we had a party at our house. Everyone from SWAT was invited and we had drinks and plenty of snacks for everyone.

We all kept an eye on the time ‐ 10am became 2pm which then became 5pm ‐ until finally 11:18pm rolled around. Only 42 minutes left until New Years.

11:25, 11:35, 11:45, 11:55, then came 11:58, only two minutes until New Years.

Once it hit 11:59, everyone started counting down from 60 ‐ 50, 40, 30, 20, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, ‐ "5! 4! 3! 2! 1! Happy New Year!" everyone yelled out as Victor's lips found mine and captured them in a kiss, ready for whatever the new year brings us.

#ahoodgirl #david lim #victor tan #vt swat #vt fluff #victor tan swat #marry you #wedding #after‐wedding sex #honeymoon #snow barn #Christmas #new years #surprise #pregnant #01.10.21

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