#i genuinely can't bring myself to do my work idk why

[chuu-huahua]

hi guys have some RANDOM SOUKOKU HEADCANNONS because i’m procrastinating my holiday homework lol (like i genuinely can’t bring myself to do it so i’ll just uh, cram it all before school actually starts)

contrary to popular belief, dazai is actually the good cook between the two of them :) chuuya burned down the entire kitchen once when he tried to make rice, so dazai removed his kitchen-entering privileges. dazai can actually cook well, he just enjoys seeing the shocked/scared faces of the people he serves his food to when he makes it nasty

dazai replaced their couch with a foldable couch bed because whenever he makes chuuya mad, he gets sent to sleep on the couch, and their old one was uncomfortable and not big enough for his lanky ass legs

chuuya once thought dazai was a burglar when he was drunk and smacked him in the face with a frying pan, which broke dazai’s nose. he (chuuya) cried while apologising when he sobered up

they have movie marathon nights, except they speedrun movies separately and fight to see how many more movies they can watch than the other before the clock strikes 7:00am and dazai has to go to work

when dazai did the “that’s what i love about you!” thing to chuuya when they were younger, chuuya actually wanted to punch dazai because he was so flustered. he actually went back to his room to punch his pillow and scream into it about how much he liked dazai back and how he messed up his response

chuuya likes it when dazai drives, because it’s so adrenaline inducing and it’s funny to see the looks on civilian’s faces when they speed pass them and almost crash into the lamp post

dazai’s home wallpaper is a picture of chuuya drooling in his sleep, and chuuya’s one is of dazai screaming and running away from a dog

i feel like they would both be really good at styling hair and doing makeup from kouyou’s lessons and all the infiltration missions they have to go on... although, i can picture chuuya trying to pry a bite of lipstick out of dazai’s mouth because he read the contents and tried to commit suicide by eating it lol

they have a built in wine cellar in their house (inspo from my aunt’s house lol. she has a fucking wine cellar in there stock full of expensive alcohol and there’s even a catalogue) and it’s super super cold. they have two silly fuzzy pairs of slippers, one is crab designed and the other is slug designed lol

yes ig that’s all for now :D

#lei writes! ଘ(|lI.‸.) #i genuinely can't bring myself to do my work idk why #and exams are on the second week of the term aksjdhajdhka #and hcl oral??! :((( #ahhh this school is killing me but i don't wanna transfer #i worked so hard to get in here and i'm like #suffering more than my friends in other schools for some reason #like i get that we don't need to take o levels like the other schools but like?? #why is our curriculum so fucked up?? #why is our teaching system so messy?? #bro the teachers aren't even actually teaching anymore tbh they just give us the work to figure out on our own #ahhhh anyways i need to get back to studying or smth #bungou stray dogs #bsd #soukoku #dazai x chuuya #dazai #chuuya

[gibbearish]

i can't take any discourse post seriously if it says "x side is refusing to listen to survivors" because if you can't accept that survivors are not a monolith and may disagree with you in regards to your shared type of trauma then it really begs the question, are YOU actually listening to survivors? or are you only listening to the ones who say what you already thought and disregarding the rest as a) people who are incapable of understanding their own trauma and therefore can't be trusted to make decisions about it for themselves or b) outright fakers?

#i also go out of way to try and take all discourse posts with a heaping helping of salt but these ones specifically im like #conflicting access needs dude what hurts you might help another person so you need to step back and ask yourself if what they're doing #is overall harmful or just harmful to you specifically and act accordingly #theres nothing wrong with you being the problem here‚ its ok to be like 'i cant be around this' and dip #ik the word problem has negative connotation but idk ive always felt like my brain worked a little differently than other ppls w that #problem doesnt mean anything morally bad it just means somethings not working as intended and so #you need to problem solve to fix it #you have a problem that is you can't be around xyz thing while others can #and in your own spaces youre allowed to solve that problem by requesting others not bring it in with them if doable or to work together #to minimize its impact on you if you have to be around it #but in spaces where that thing is accepted and enjoyed and you are the outlier‚ theres nothinf shameful abt the solution to that problem #being removing yourself from that space #you were the problem‚ so you solved the problem. it doesnt have to be a bad thing yknow? #same with 'broken' ive had multiple people to me explain why i shouldnt use that word about myself but im like #no i understand abt forming neural pathways with negative words but its not negative to me genuinely !!! its just a descriptor!!!! #like. a part of my body is supposed to work/exist in a specific way‚ but it didnt. it was broken‚ it couldnt perform its intended function #it was broken‚ and we fixed it #you wouldnt tell me to call a broken bone a fuckin. 'area for improvement bone' it got broke! it dont work anymore!! #my brain doesnt produce the chemicals its supposed to‚ its BROKEN and im taking medicine to fix it #i think veronica got it but i only got to see her for a few months #anyways. that was kind of offtopic but i think still follows the central theme of just. understanding that sometimes people's brains #work different from yours and they process the world differently than you #i dont call other people broken because i know that would be mean given how their brains interpret the word but i do feel comfortable #using my own version of language to describe myself #autism dialect KENFKSBFKSBFMDB

[luvsavos]

life kicks me in the ribs yet again: more than likely i won't be able to get all the money i need in time for the alatreon model, so. got excited for nothing :)

#mar.txt #vent? i guess? #again:girlhelp: #i need $120.25 still and of course i didnt get a job in time because why would things go my way and even if i do a bunch around the house #the money is due the day before my dad gets paid so that won't work #im panicking sort of to the point of being kind of nauseous from it haha #turning to art comms from my friends out of desperation but i don't think i'll get enough to cover the last bit of cost #not to mention the issue of my phone absolutely fucking sucks ass so i can't do digital art until i get a new one so any comms i DO have/get #will have to wait until i get a new phone for me to finish them and i know that's kind of A Problem which is why i'm only asking close #friends who i know won't be bothered by the idea of paying upfront then having to wait a little while for the finished product #though at least i can get the paper basic sketch done，since i draw the basic thing on paper then do more detail and whatnot digitally #idk if any of my moots wouldn't be bothered by that. i can promise i will get the full things done once i get a new phone. i'm just really #fucking desperate rn lmao god i fucking hate everything #i need to just. stop letting myself feel the emotion of excitement over Anything in the future. because when i do it always，ALWAYS goes #wrong. youd think id learn by now but no apparently im just too fucking stupid to #anyways. ill draw humanoids and i can try my absolute damndest at mh monsters even though i kind of struggle with anything but malzeno #practice makes perfect right? hahahahahaaa. fuck me. #not to be concerning on main but if this were me a few years ago i think at this point i'd be genuinely considering offing myself because i #am SO fucking tired of literally everything possible going wrong and even the things that are SUPPOSED to bring me some comfort or happiness #among the ocean of everything else ALSO going wrong #obviously the more money that could be tossed my way the better but hell i'll even do just paper sketch comms for a lower price i am #genuinely desperate because i really REALLY just want this ONE fucking thing to go right for me. god. just One thing. #alternatively if anyone wants to just. Give Me money. idk id feel bad about getting money without giving something in return but if anyone #WANTS to do that theyre free to as well. idk just dm me for my paypal if that or a shitty probably time-delayed comm sounds like smthn youd #be interested in??? even tho who am i kidding lmfao nobody will，that would be too good and i'm obviously just not fucking allowed to have #good things huh #ugh. sorry for the vent post Again. i swear we'll return to the usually scheduled funnyman stuff and ocposting. eventually. :/

[levyfiles]

watcher love time: what’s your favourite thing about each of the founders?

What a sexually-attractive question, em; thanks for asking

Steven Lim: He's so resilient. His experiences socially have made him so that even his trauma responses to being bullied and pranked as a kid are compassionate and reflective. He is always endeavouring to be better than he was the year before. He is loyal beyond belief and honestly, if I had known more people whose faith guided them into kindness, acceptance and self-sacrifice the way it does for him, I'd have a whole different perspective on religious belief as a whole. He's also funny in a way you can't train into someone and I also like how he navigates social situations in the most relatable way. He makes PodWatcher the most fun for me.

Ryan Bergara: He's forever curious in a way that makes me believe youth in anyone can be preserved in the spirit. I don't know how to make it clear to the world that I might just let this man get away with murder. He probably would have a good reason idk lol but facetiousness aside, he's a damn hard worker. Like I find work ethic in a person to be such an attractive thing. His hyperfixations are unapologetic and it makes me genuinely respect him. He's beautiful both on the inside and out and his form of comedy is so unique that sometimes it's like a car crash I can't look away from. He aspires to do good by others and he has such a strong principled perspective on his relationships with his family, spouse and friends that he has what I truly believe, is a hero's heart. He's brave in a way that defies logic and all his pathological barriers.

Shane Madej: He aspires so much be kind that I can sometimes see how the effort paralyses him to be more proactive socially. His curiosity is only paralleled in Ryan but he has such a very visible love for the world, for humanity, for stories that I can understand why people find him charming and soothing and I can understand that that is the reason he doesn't mind spending a quarter of his career hunting for ghosts because it's more about the experience of traveling and being with friends and doing a job that brings joy to other people than it is about being right. He feels like someone you could trust with a secret whether low stakes or high. I like that he has a unique voice when he sings and he's leaned into it to the point where 30% of his career is now singing.

Thank you again for asking this, Em. It gave me a nice opportunity to detangle myself from my own threads of hurt and upset to remember the reason I'm here and why I have been since 2018.

#watcher #shane madej #ryan bergara #steven lim

[moongothic]

No appearently I'm still not fucking done

Like. No matter how I think about it, Crocodad with the timeline Oda has suggested makes no sense to me, so I genuinely can't bring myself to believe in the theory anymore (mainly because I don't want to get my hopes up tbh)

(Like if the timeline was Revolutionary -> Baby Happens -> Leaves and becomes a pirate -> Whitebeard beats his ass -> Dude becomes jaded and wants to destroy the government -> Alabasta This would make sense. I would 100% buy this timeline But the timeline is supposed to be Pirate -> Shichibukai -> Whitebeard beats his ass -> Somehow gets involved with the Revolutionaries -> Baby Happens -> Transitions while a Shichibukai -> Alabasta I just. This timeline does not make sense to me. But it's the only one we'd have??)

But at the same time I can not come up with a single other explanation to why the absolute fuck Crocodile is still a character with a presence in the story if it's not Crocodad

By which I mean, on an emotional level he has no connections or ties to any other characters that would explain why he's still in the story (compared to like, Enel, who also has no connections to anyone and thus is pretty much just gone). And like, to be fair, sure, he could be just there for fanservice and because he can be used to drive the plot forward in some ways.

But when you compare Crocodile to say Mihawk or Buggy or even ol' CP9 members, they all either have close emotional ties to other important characters (Zoro and Shanks to be specific), or they represent something (the manifestation of the Government and its corruption), meaning these characters reuniting/encountering others has emotional weight in the story

But Crocodile was just some asshole who Luffy beat up, he's not much different from like Moria in that sense and god knows we haven't seen Moria in ages (to the point I wouldn't be shocked if he died offscreen) (Oda please don't kill my beloved goth onion I need him back so bad)

So why the fuck is Crocodile still here, why is he still plot-relevant, who is he supposed to tie to on an emotional basis

Like the theory Crocodile could maybe be Xebec's son would make sense and explain a lot about Crocodile as a character, and it could tie him back into the story if Xebec is alive and is the one hiding the final Poneglyph (this theory is on thin ice mind you), but no matter how I think about it I can't imagine how that would push either his own character arc forward or anyone else's. The plot, sure, but it just feels like it stops there

Especially because althought Crocodile Clearly Has Some Issues, his issues don't seem to be from a bad father-son relationship, it's trust issues and the hatred of the Government, so meeting his maybe-father-Xebec-if-he-is-alive would probably do fuck all to move his character anywhere (and if it did, where??????? World Domination??????? We all know that won't work out tho????????)

(Also if Xebec was his father, then Crocodile's decision to ASSIST Whitebeard in saving Ace, the dickwad who would have betrayed his father, makes EVEN LESS SENSE)

(Sidenote, you could maybe imagine Crocodile somehow tieing into Pluton again but considdering how the Walls of Wano need to come down for Pluton to be released and that can only be done by Zunesha at the command of Momo, I can not imagine Crocodile making a beeline for Pluton right now 'cause he should not be able to get it even if he found out how to access it) (Also while on Pluton, you could argue Crocodile reuniting with Robin could have emotional weight but I'm not sure what that would achieve for either character (also Robin would never in a million years just hand over Pluton to Crocodile), same for Vivi (also IDK how those two would even meet again))

Not to mention I have no fucking idea how Crocodile's past with Iva-chan would even tie into any of that??? I mean sure he could just be trans for the sake of being trans and without it being like an important plotpoint beyond Iva-chan being able to blackmail him at Impel Down, but also??? Is that not a little unnececary considdering there would've been many other ways to convince Crocoboy to behave in Impel Down???

But you know what really would explain Crocodile's lingering presence in the story and would tie his character to someone else on an emotional level in a way that could push either his or someone else's character arc forward???

Fucking??? Crocodad???????

Like boom, you'd immidiately be able to tie his character to our beloved protagonist and the two seeing each other would have like more meaning than just "Luffy encountering the asshole who tried to kill him and now needs to fight again probably". And while I don't think Crocodad would do anything to move Luffy's character ahead (since he probably would not give a shit if he found out Crocodile was his dad, since Crocodile was a dickbag and Luffy doesn't care about blood connections), I think it would do a lot to Crocodile's character

Because like. I go back and I think about Marineford and Crocodile's outburst at Whitebeard. His emotional arc. If Crocodad was real, then right before the outburst Crocodile would've have realized that Luffy was his son and would be currently dealing with the implications of that. Then he'd have to watch The Son of a Binch Who Beat His Ass get stabbed, which would piss one off anyways. But then he needs to remember that Whitebeard's been stabbed by one of his own, while trying to save another one of his sons, and Crocodile might realize how that sight of Whitebeard might be like a cruel premonition for himself, as he goes off to try to protect his own son

And sure, Crocodile made it out of Marineford alive, but god knows, if we get like a Marineford 2 and shit starts going down, if this man is Luffy's actual father and is anywhere near the kid, this binch is dying. He is going to die protecting his son (and arguably, one-up Whitebeard), because as we all know, if you want to protect something ya gotta do it right and if you're not willing to make sacrifices you will never gain anything, even if it means losing your own life

That would absolutely give Crocodile's character an amazing character arc, going from an uncaring asshole who was only interested in whatever benefitted him to giving up his own life for the kid he never was there for (which would also arguably be more than what Garp or Dragon ever did, since one never did as much as lift a finger while the other was going to allow his grandchild to be murdered)

Also Crocodile being Luffy's dad would tie his past with Ivankov to his character really well and it'd be a much bigger point than just him being trans for the sake of being trans

Also him having ties to the Revolutionary Army would then also emotionally tie him to Dragon for some Dragon Lore etc and that could then also tie him into the Revolutionary Army-sideplot if we're lucky

Also. Remember how One Piece goes off often about "inherited will". You know what would be cute. Luffy inheriting his father's dream, his will (of becoming Pirate King).

Also other people have pointed this out but in Chapter 824 Luffy gets to see Dragon's face on the newspaper for the first time and comments how Dragon "doesn't look like him". And like. It could be just a funny little comment of no concequence. Some might even look at the comment to fuel their bizarre "Dragon is Xebec" theories (even though Garp is very explicit about Dragon being his son and the two do look alike actually, like Garp and Dragon have the same nose), but like I think about that comment, and then I think about Luffy making that "I don't know 'cause I'm not a Zoan" comment in fucking Punk Hazard when talking to Momo about using his fruit power. And like. LIKE. MAN. I DUNNO Y'ALL BUT LUFFY'S COMMENT ABOUT DRAGON NOT LOOKING LIKE HIM FEELS A LIL SUS (Also notice how Garp, Dragon and Luffy all have shit on the right side of their faces. Like Dragon has his massive tattoo but Luffy and Garp both have those scars under their eyes. And Crocodile just happens to have a matching scar.)

Also this is absolutely inconsequencial but. Like. Crocodile's favorite food is fucking. Crocodile meat and tomatoes. Fucking. MEAT. Just like Luffy. GOD.

I just. Crocodad would make so much sense on an emotional level for the story. It would make so much sense.

But I just. The timeline doesn't make sense at alllllll

#Moon posting #OP Spoilers #Crocodad #Sir Crocodile #I WANT TO BELIEEEEEVE #Trying to give up on Crocodad because there's no way in a million years it'll ever happen #But #I just #It'd be so good #It would make so much sense #I want it to be real so bad #But there's no way. There's no fucking way. #When will this man release me from the death grip he has me in #Only vaguely related but you know how everyone's been speculating Since Forever that Dragon's Devil Fruit would be like Wind or something #You know isn't it funny how one of Crocodile's iconic attacks is creating a sandstorm. Sand. And wind. #Cute #If anybody has any suggestions as to why Crocodile is still an active character in the story then please go ahead and sound off #He really just could've died off-screen at Marineford or during the timeskip if he wasn't somehow important but here he still is #Why the fuck #Why are you still here #Like I love you but why #There's a part of me wondering if there could be like a twist that Dragon isn't Luffy's father at all and it is actually cis male Crocodile #Who just left Luffy in Dragon's hands for some reason #But I don't enjoy theories that require you to invent new characters (and we'd have to invent a mother in this scenario) #And Luffy does look like Baby Garp a lot #(Sidenote: Luffy Dragon and Garp all have F bloodtypes (our A) while Croco is S (our O)) #OP Meta

[what-if-nct]

Omg do we still share dreams here? If not, time to bring that back! I guess I'm in my Johnny era right now and had the cutest dream ever. Let me preface by saying dream me and real me are different enough people, real me isn't in love Johnny, idk him but dream was in love with him.

So we were in a drugstore, I think we worked there but were off and just hanging out there. Johnny set up a Valentine's display of make up, chocolates and crystals. (Not really relevant but there was a red star shaped crystal, and real life me NEEDS that). Then I realized I could buy it but didn't. And then two other random people showed up, they were a couple, and friends of ours, I guess. And there was this other girl, who happened to be Johnny's love interest/girlfriend. She was really sweet and they really liked each other. So cute. I must have looked sad because Johnny approached me and asked why I never swiped right on him on a dating app. Told him I never came across him. Which was the truth for dream me. He said "that's too bad"

Then all of a sudden we were at a school. It was like college themed classes but was actually my middle school (which is hilarious because I have resentment from moving from that school) Then we were on a break from classes just hanging around outside, I was by myself. This random guy approached me and told me that he liked that I didn't interfere in Johnny's relationship and respected me for that. Then when I went back to class Johnny wasn't there anymore. So rude, thought we were besties???

Anyways, through this dream I had a weird feeling in my chest, like my heart was warm from being around him. It was a really nice feeling and I really hope everyone gets to experience that feeling in their life. It was so wholesome.

I was relieved when I woke up and didn't feel like that and things were normal. But super bummed that we weren't besties.

I'm off work and have to go back next week and I think I might be having some anxiety about that.

Yeah, of course you can share your kpop dreams, I've actually had a few kpop dreams the past few weeks but I genuinely can't share them with the public like it's worse than my Park Jisung dream that still haunts me to this day. I still can't look at Jisung the same way even though it was a dream from a year ago. But yes yes tell me all the dreams.

Oh my gosh that is both such a sweet lovely dream but also has a hint of sadness like things just didn't work out because of timing. Like you both had feelings for each other but you just kinda missed out. But also the fact you don't really pay Johnny any mind in real life but you have big feelings for him in a dream. The same thing happened to me with Hyunjin, I just dreamt about him out of nowhere one day and well you can obviously see what has happened, Hyunjin even dethroned Yixing as my ult bias. So I say keep an eye out for Johnny he'll sneak up on you one day and it's over from that moment on.

[fairycosmos]

do you ever feel like people automatically think something is wrong with you when you have no interest in dating/being in a relationship? i was talking to my friend about how i haven't had a crush on someone in years and im fine with being single and she immediately started bringing up my childhood trauma (like "do you think because of what you went through with your parents you can't open yourself up to love?") and this was weeks ago but i can't stop thinking about it. i know she didn't mean harm by what she said but i hate the idea that being content with myself is synonymous with being traumatized, when ive always been this way. ive always prided myself in my self-assurance and independence so to hear a close friend basically say its a trauma response (which sure it might be but it's mostly just how im wired i think) seemed kind of weird to me. she said a similar thing later when i was talking about how im never really bothered by my physical appearance and she said something like "maybe that's because you never try to pursue people romantically" as if she expects my confidence in my appearance to dwindle as soon as i have a crush on someone, even though ive spent a lot of time working on building that confidence. idk it feels like projection to me

YESSS ppl act this way towards me all the time and it makes me want to bite my own hands off! my one friend is convinced i dont like dating bc of school trauma and parental trauma and self-esteem issues and it's like Ok? while all of those things are a genuine issue for me i also just. dont feel anything like that for anyone. my life does not revolve around dating prospects and i don't want it to. i've always said this but i feel like falling in love is actually a pretty rare thing and sooo many ppl are just together bc of timing or convenience or desperation, and yet we're still treated like the weirdos for not wanting to engage with that endless trial and error? when being single is perfectly comfortable anyway? i totally get why your friend saying that made you feel weird. it's like the concept of being happy while single is sooo foreign to them that they have to pathologise it which is just kind of crazy to think about really. they think theyre so right about it too, always so pitying and condescending it and it's like i don't know how to explain to you that im not pretending to not need anyone romantically to make myself feel better - i really, genuinely don't see dating as a necessity at this point and that's fine! i think you're right TBH part of it has to be projection with the way it gets ppl so fired up. like just because your self-esteem and happiness depends on whoever you're dating, doesn't mean everyone's does. srry. also that thing she said about your appearance was weird. it's really admirable that you've worked on being comfortable with yourself and i don't know why that effort would be reversed if you were to ever develop a crush? anyway yeah it will always annoy me that not dating isn't more normalised man! we’re just existing 

#anon

[laceghost]

ah. so it's gonna be one of those days huh.

it's like 4pm I don't even have the trick of "don't trust how you feel about your life after 10pm" i already feel shitty as hell. augh. I just feel very bad about my art once again lol ik everyone's tired of it but it doesn't feel like it's ever going away tbh,,, i should be happy I'm (kinda) done with school and I got some good comments from my jury but I can't bring myself to really believe them? I always feel like I'm a step behind everyone else and that I'm already too old seeing all of the 14y/o prodigys out there. Like what am I even doing this for? It's hard to believe anyone would genuinely like my art and even more hard to believe anyone would hire me for it. and yet I can't do anything else it's all I know it's all I ever wanted and idk if I'd be more miserable without it than I am with it. ack. this sucks man why can't i ever be content ofc there will always be ppl better than me and i should just accept that but it all feels very hopeless to me rn!! i'm scared!!!!! i can't keep up with the rythm of it all it seems all successful artists are constantly drawing every day and love it can't go a week without it but i'm so drained and tired. i'm scared i'll run myself into the gound if i try to keep up with that rythm but if i don't i'll never get any work so idk which is worse. god why am i like this why can't i just fucking. do it. it feels so draining HOW ARE PEOPLE DOING THIS. AAA.

#🦷.txt #venting

[essskel]

my brain is poopoo i forgot to add one thing sorry again 😭

i don't think the scoia'tael could ever change their mind about roche and ves simply because they're wiping out their race. no matter the cause the elves would never forgive them nor would they wanted to cooperate with them in any way unless it's convenient. they can't just say 'oh i was just protecting my country but now im different let me help you' and the elves would forgive them or let them near. they don't need their pity nor they help. the least they can do is leave them alone and help non-humans other ways.

this is the main reason why i can't bring myself to ship rorveth...yes they respect each others abilities in canon but that doesn't erase the fact that roche is still an oppressor (again no matter the motives) and iorveth would only force himself to work with him but never respect him as a person and be "besties". neither would roche tbh because iorveth is no saint and also killed his fair share of innocent people. they fucked up each others lives too much for their relationship to "work" and there's no place in their heart for forgiveness.

okay i won't bother you and your inbox anymore. this is pretty much everything i wanted to say so take care!

Under the cut cause my answer was rambly and I'm trying to save people's dashes lol

Yeah that's pretty much how I feel about the Scoiatael too! I do think Iorveth would eventually accept Roche's help maybe in a military venture if he really needed it and if Roche was genuinely offering, or that they could get past their issues with each other in order to work through a crisis. They do genuinly share a enemy in Nilfgaard, and Roche's inability to see that is his downfall. But then once the immedaute crisis is over... why would Iorveth stick around or even let Roche walk away cleanly?

I just think this is something that can only exist in fanfic, and can maybe be fun or interesting to think about/read about when expanding on the possibilities of their characters, but I personally wouldn't WANT it to be canon, because it would create inconsistencies in both their stories and established motives - which you did say in your last ask, I'm agreeing! (I mean I don't want true friendship/romance, not them being forced to work together. I want that. That would be fun. RIP Iorveth at the battle of Kaer Morhen :( you should have been there king!)

(about your other ask) Idk, I actually don't have any issue with people labeling Roche as a flat out monster. If you're coming at it as someone who's primarily sympathetic to the Elves, it's like you said, it really doesn't matter what his motives or situation was, he was participating in their violent oppression as a leader. He still has a lot of fans who won't acknowledge how evil his work pre-tw2 was, that's a greater problem to me (not talking about you ofc). And Iorveth...lmao other than him be willing to let those women die in the burning building, I can't help but cheer for his bloody methods of justice in ways the Blue Stripes will never get out of me. It's the witcher, everyone's burned a few churches, at least Iorveth was doing it for a good cause 😩

As for Roche, I personally I like him best as a metaphor for armed patriotism - perhaps more historical than modern, but I think both work. Men born into poverty who are coerced into the military by governments that don't value them at all (but like to give them medals as propaganda/empty motivation) while only using them as tool in their violence against other nations/people. Being devalued, abused, covered in blood, becoming a mass murderer all for some paltry veteran discounts and a lifetime of trauma. That's the character work I'd want to see with him, but for future witcher games, I'd be much happier to see Iorveth come back and regain his spotlight, so who really knows.

This is long as hell sorry, thanks for sharing your thoughts I appreciate the conversation!!

OH. right yes. Anais. What the hell we needed a followup on their relationship, that could have been so good and hopeful and constructive. Someday !!!!

#complicated characters that #allow us to adress our own biases and question moral frameworks! very fun ! #even if some of the writing in tw2 is some of the worst most dumbass shit you've ever heard........... love this series 😐 #ask #anonymous #double shot

[dayseternal-blog]

In Memory, Katarinahime. Part 6.

I've collected our conversations. Why couldn't I remember them? Let me in.

2019.8.12 on "White Lilies" Chapter 3:

Kat - "Your 'please don’t kill me if you don’t like it' killed me! I feel the same way. You work so hard on something and then people are so flippant about it. 😭😭 But it was so good. You have such a good way of weaving around real feelings and situations. I love it!"

Me - "yeah, posting a new chapter is like standing in front of a dark tunnel, like you don't know what might come out of it. It could kill you. Or something... :( haha to me you are an absolute master at real feelings and situations! Thank you for the encouragement >< it means a lot coming from you!"

Katarina had never commented on my fics before. I knew that she doesn't really comment. She hardly replies to comments on her own fics unless there's a question.

This is the most memorable for me. I never forgot this. I never forgot how she understood the stress I expressed in the author notes and how she went out of her comfort zone to tell me that she relates.

2019.10.29 on "White Lilies" Chapter 4:

Kat - "Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! They’re finally going to talk! And Naruto understands his own feelings! Omg this is so amazing!"

Me - "haha that scream is my reaction to any of your stories x))) thank you for the support <33333"

This was the second and last time she commented on one of my fics. I wondered if she had ever read any of my other fics. I only found out, after she passed, that "Nightdreams" was in her top five. I didn't know that. I wonder if she knows that I have been modeling my text structure off of her stories since Nightdreams.

2020.1.20 on Discord

"It's so funny, I never think of myself as writing angst and then people bring it up and I'm like... holy shit I wrote a lot of angst"

-"@ katarinahime I think of you as THE naruhina angst writer actually. If anyone asked, I would just point them to your profile"

"🙈🙈🙈 OMG lol. LMAO @ DAYS8 you're one to talk your white lilies used to be killer before your last update. My heart"

hmm I can't type the rest of the convo. I think I'll cry. But I pointed out to her why CSE is worse in terms of angst. She accepts that, and that she knew the ending would be happy, so she forgets how readers must feel.

That was our first convo within the same space, at the same time. I'm glad I could express a fraction of my admiration.

2020.2.18 on Discord

-"HOW WAS YOUR DAY IN HAWAII NEI?"

"Omg it was amazing"

-"yayy!!!!!! what did you do?"

"I went to the wedding rehearsal at the place they filmed lost and then went to bellows Air Force base beach and then I went to dinner and ice cream with friends. I love being here 💖💖"

-"Bellows is my favorite beach on the east side!!! And Kualoa Ranch is so beautiful! My husband's cousin got married there! I'm so glad you had a good day!"

"Yeah bellows looked like a movie set tbh. So beautiful"

I could've met her maybe. Had I tried. Also, I learned she loved coffee. Was addicted to coffee. She wanted to have Kona coffee here. I forgot to ask if she did.

2020.5.28 on Discord

"I wish my hair could be that long 😭"

-"why does your hair stop growing?? that..what????"

"Idk!! I wish I knew"

That was the day I learned her hair doesn't grow much past her shoulders. Apparently hair can genetically reach the end of its growth cycle. Like trees or flowers.

"I think because of the nature of our relationships with other members of fandoms and writers it's a bit harder to process it. Because there are genuine emotions and love and missing of a person, but since there was never a real-life presence the absence is harder to identify. For me it's almost like I'm expecting to see an update or a post after a long silence. It's a challenge to wrap my head around 'gone'." - @szajnie

"I'd possibly shifted backwards into denial, but not a shock kind. Like, she's still here, even if I can't talk to her."

"I've reread quite a few of her chapters and posts, and of course, our convos and comments, and just... it's so hard to reconcile. Her writing has so much of her voice in it, and when someone said that she'll live on in her art, they weren't kidding. She sounds so alive."

"Yeah, I wonder if that's why I'm at where I'm at. Like, there's still something of her we can access at any point. But I guess, the tragic rationale too is... It's all a time capsule. I just feel like she IS here."

"This is honestly the feeling I've been struggling with all week, here I am again, like this need to unleash all of this confusion and struggle I'm having with her passing. I guess I've really been trying to grasp at some kind of clarity."

"Katarina, I swear that I’ll never forget you, and I’m positive that I’m not the only one. As long as we live, you’ll live as well." - @angi1993

I'm still here.

They say earthquakes in Alaska are the closest tsunami danger for Hawaii.

Interesting.

I look out across an ocean of distance

And I wish you were here.

I wish you were there.

I wish I were waiting for you, waiting as I did before, for you to come collect the pieces of me, the pieces of you, waiting for you to give the pieces of you to me.

One day, I'll see you, I'll recognize you, and you'll recognize me.

The pieces we've traded will be perfect.

But I'll be shy. Or maybe I'll cry.

My memory is poor, I'm sorry. I didn't meet you then, I'm sorry. I didn't reach out enough, I'm sorry.

I just wish I had done a little more, it's okay for me to feel like this, there's nothing else to it.

Are you really still alive in us? Are you really still alive here?

I'm talking to text,

I wonder if I'm comforted.

#katarinahime #rest in love

[xhudgenssistersconfessions]

i don't think it's shady i don't think it's trying to rub it in people face

i believe that ashley ~constantly~ posts austin like that because something happened, not related to vanessa, but with herself and friendships, if you people notice he's the only friend she highlights ~that~ much, i think ashley drift apart with friends constantly (i'm not saying anyone is to blame, maybe no one is) i think austin is the one who is always there for her, and her birthday texts to him say a ~lot~. i do understand people asking "is she still friends with vanessa?" because as said here before, not everyone is so updated about it as we are so i started to understand more.

and i didn't want her to answer anything about vanessa because the last time she answered was about not knowing that tick tick boom was having a premiere and it was the same day that she reposted an elvis teaser, so, we would have the same drama situation now, and it would be a little worse with his fandom bigger (it was not in 2021 yet) i can't even imagine what question she would ask about vanessa and not to be awk

Why? you guys would trash her if she ask something

Why would Ashley (or Vanessa for that matter) bring attention to the fact that they aren’t close anymore? I’m sure neither of them want that all over social media or used as a headline. Ashley won’t ever answer that question as to why they are not BFFS anymore since it’s not our business in the first place.

my opinion, i think some of you (you i say, our fandom) are bitter that austin and ashley have a genuinely pure beautiful friendship that didn't end when a 'bad' thing happened (expressing myself from the things i read on twitter) idk your guys opinion about them but not everything is about attention, not everything is shady, it's not just vanessa who can have true friendships. i get it don't like them i don't like a lot of celebs but you guys care a lot about two people that you guys say "thank god they are not in vanessa's life anymore" deep down i believe you guys wanted that she and ashley were still friends and austin would be the one """left out""" in this trio for your narrative to work more. he is not that monster lol

#answered

[whiskeyswifty]

I wanna know what you think of Olivia's vampire?? Please and thank you 💖 I'm obsessed with your replies

i'm so sorry to report, dear anon, that olivia has never been and is still not For Me, to say it politely. It's very much music For The Kids, and that's great! Younger generations always need things that are their own, separate from the adults in their life. That's not to say it's lesser than anything else because it's for the kids, not at all! It's just for a demographic I'm not a part of and don't feel any kinship to right now (which is a good thing lmao i'm an adult i shouldn't be in spaces for kids). It's also not to say as an adult, you can't enjoy her music! If you're able to connect with it via the younger version of yourself, that's beautiful and i'm so happy for you that teenage you gets to feel validated. So many of my friends love it for how as a teenager, they would have related to it. I connect to a lot of other younger artists right now for the same reasons and because taste-wise, they're doing things that really click with me, so it's just not a good match, olivia and I. that's all!

A number of factors probably are why i don't enjoy her music writ large. 1. my youth was NOTHING like what she sings about. Like polar opposite teenagers truly and my younger self doesn't connect to or relate to anything she sings about. it's entirely too earnest for me then and now, but thats just my personal thing! not a value judgement. 2. she has the post-lorde whisper/raspy/talk singing voice that makes me SQUEAL with laughter when i hear it. idk your age, or if this is now a dated reference, but it's the bananies & avocadies vine voice lmaoooo sorry! It sounds so silly to me because of that vine (rip) and HE WAS prophetic was he not??? sooooo many gen z girls sing like that and it's borderline unlistenable to me because of my brain worms. 4. at this point, if all of the above are also true, and all you have left is "sad story about a boy happened to me", sorry to say but genuine heartbreak songs about boys from girls are just white noise to me. I've been a full blown lesbian for so long at this point, NEW content about women genuinely, earnestly weeping over men just doesn't connect and i can't sympathize or relate or bring myself to feel any type of way about it. that's just not my world, sorry you're going through all that or sorry that happened to you, it sucks and it's terrible, but i'm not interested in engaging with that content. men, straight ones especially, are ancillary at best in my world. you have to be a legacy artist to move me whilst singing about A Man, someone who snuck in early and earned my favor before i realized i was a lesbian (hence the topic of this blog lol). again, not a value judgement! just my personal taste.

about the song itself, it just sounds like driver's license the sequel to me, which is great and not a knock! it makes sense to me strategy-wise. it worked the first time, so if it ain't broke, use the same release strategy for the next album. seems like she has a decent team behind her who are setting her up for success which is great! there are some solid lines in it, but at my geriatric age (over 30 lmao) i'm extremely sensitive to clunky lyrics. blame the near perfectly threaded and composed early taylor work for that i suppose, although i'm sure there are others at fault. a half-formed idea or a half-committed idea turns me off so quickly, and the mixed metaphors in the chorus (?) of the song really make me itch. "sold me for parts" and then the vampire metaphors about consuming conjure totally different imagery and dynamics and the friction between them i find jarring. both are interesting and i would have loved to have seen the depths of each plumbed creatively! commit to one and explore the ways you can weave that metaphor with reality to really pack a punch! however it sounds like a very sensitive situation that she went through so perhaps clarity in songwriting is not possible for this event in her life. idk much about her but that's what i gleaned at least. (WCS is wayyyyyy better and more fully formed and articulate than dear john, to give you an example)

I totally recognize her prominence and am happy for her and all her success! This is not a hater post, i don't have any ill will towards her. i'm not annoyed by her. I don't think about her, unless asked, tbh. i think she's an amazing figure for younger fans to have in their pop culture life and i wish her all the success and happiness in the world!

#SORRY FOR THE DEAR JOHN STRAY #it never clicked for me way back when but WCS was like BANG wow what a statement

[tandytoaster]

I wonder if my family ever actually expects me to have kids. I have a sneaking suspicion that silently they hope that someday I reach mental clarity and decide to have children. Which will never happen. I don't mean this in a despairing way but I think things are just gonna keep deteriorating from here- or at the very least stay the same, which isn't that great. I've been much better before and I can't see myself reaching that state again for a very long time, if ever at all.

For some reason I've taken it upon myself lately to try to imagine just what it might look like? For 5 seconds sit in that discomfort just to affirm how horrible it would be for everyone involved. I just couldn't ever deal with everything that comes with that, like I already have trouble enough with the responsibilities I have. Its like a job that never ends and I already dread the thought of working 9-5, which thankfully I don't have to do.

I think whats started this was me thinking about how many people my age have babies / toddlers and how like... impossible it seems. It just doesn't make sense to me. Like there's this whole new thing that's ( hopefully ) going to be a permanent part of your life, changing everything, until you die.

So much of this is my perception of time being so horribly off, and my mind being stunted from trauma and mental illness. Like I'm just a kid :( but I'm almost 24. But I'm just a kid. I know my mind has grown in other ways and the way I see the world and process things but I'm still just a kid and it's something I can't bring myself to let go of. For the most part its not a problem but sometimes, but rarely, it kinda is, but thats more of a 'how other people perceive me' issue. My family knows I'm in a relationship they know I'm an adult I'm sure they assume I have sex and I don't like that!!! I don't want my family to think that about me even in passing. I know they're not Thinking about it but the thought of them even briefly being like, "oh she probably does that" i hate it it feels gross. I know there's so much to unpack here and idk where to start but that's why i go to therapy

I remember when I was 12, in health class we were doing the reproductive system unit at the end of the year and we were all talking about what we would do if we got pregnant / got someone pregnant and, as a 12 year old I didn't know abortion was something that people could do, so my only solution to this was, "I would just kill myself", not in like... a depressed way but in a "i need this problem to go away and this is the only way i know how" way. I'm so fortunate to live in a place where that's possible. Genuinely life saving care.

There's a lady I follow on instagram who recently had a baby and when she first announced she was pregnant she said she didn't want kids, it didnt come naturally to her, but she knew her partner did so she's doing this for him and hoping she'll grow to get used to the idea and fall in love with it- but it never happened. I know she loves her baby and is doing the best she can, but it's so... uncomfortable watching it all unfold knowing if she wasn't with her partner her life would be entirely different and be something she actually wants it to be. Makes me sad.

I wanted to play video game tonight but instead I wrote this oops

#noop nooping #negative - #I KINDA SPIRALED but im okay

[multiplicity-positivity]

sorry if repost but I genuinely can't remember if I sent an ask before. I'd go off anon but anxiety. //

for context I've been questioning if i'm a system ever since i was 12-13, bodily in my early 20s now, like I always felt i wasn't alone and that there were at least other Me's. I felt their presence but whenever I try to engage communication or make visible notes to log in possible switches theres nothing. i very much experience depersonalized and dissociate and have moments where i "come back" often feeling like i was shoved back in the drivers seat.

i'm always at least semi-concious and the body doesn't feel like mine. but from what i remember i always act like myself or yet masking. Lately i've been coming to terms i have "irls" and have high kins which are Me. Just: Is it possible that irls/dms (delusional mis-identification) to be actually fictives or at the very least close? I only ask this because i feel like an entire different whenever i go into an irl shift. i have pseudomemories, remember people fondly from source, and the memories i make often are tagged with that shift. and as of recent i've been noticing i go in these shifts whenever something triggers me or even when i have to do something like working and general adult things (note caregiver level stuff, just adulting in general from grocery shopping, work related, idk i tag this as the Operator/Manager role)

again idk if irl/id stuff equals to fictives, they're entirely different mental health fields since irl/dm's are a delusional thing rather. but i feel like i AM these people whenever a shfit happens. i'm always at least co-con or partially aware though it feels foggy and dream like.

i do plan to ask all this to a therapist/psych when i get the funds to regularly see one but just wondering if it is possible first if that makes sense.

idk sorry if I sound ridiculous /gen

Hi, you don’t sound ridiculous at all. I’m the host of my system and what you’re going through does sound similar to me.

Before I knew I was a part of a system, I’d often feel like I was floating through life in a haze. I’d watch other headmates go through life thinking it was me, and that I was just dissociating or disconnected from reality and that’s why nothing I did ever felt like it was actually me doing it.

Our system also masked a lot and we still do to this day. This is because a) I have and had a lot of self hate and would lash out at system members who scared me by seeking autonomy, and b) in a society where plurality is not widely known or understood, it was just safer for us. We’re trying to learn how to unmask together but it’s a long process that we’ve only recently embarked on.

I’m not entirely sure what irls mean in reference to the kin community. I do know that many systems have fictives who they believed were just kins before they learned about their plurality. I thought I was fluctuating Meta Knight kin before I learned about my system and met our Meta Knight fictive. I also thought I was Ralsei kin for a while, but they’re actually a headmate here too.

I’d definitely recommend bringing this up to a mental health professional. If you’ve been questioning your plurality for this long, there’s a big chance there’s a reason for it! Even if you don’t experience amnesia between switches, you could still very much be plural. Our system was recently diagnosed with DID and I don’t even have full amnesia between switches. I experience gray outs more than anything else, where I’m semi-present in the moment (able to watch/listen to what my alters are up to) but tend to forget things later.

Sounds to me like you could very well be the host of a system, with poor communication and low amnesia barriers. Or you could be a singlet with lots of kins and other symptoms of different disorders that might look like plurality (though I personally doubt that if you’ve been wondering if you’re part of a system for this long). Ultimately this is something only you can discover for yourself. But a therapist will be a great help and benefit to you on this journey!

Good luck to you. Being the host of a system can be incredibly challenging, and I sincerely wish you the best as you learn more about yourself.

💫 Parker

#sorry if this isn’t that helpful #feeling like you’re not alone in your own head is also a Big sign of plurality #also sorry to anyone expecting ralsei or margo or cecil here haha

[skadren]

I keep seeing a bunch of live and let go, boundaries are personal and not moral stances posts about writing and i largely agree ppl should be able to explore what they want in fic but also. Is there a way to balance or talk about "hi um white author so you kinda reinvented racism/blood eugenics and unilaterally present sex work as inherently degrading and etc etc etc for Shipping Angst Drama fodder, when the text is like. None of that" in fandom or even just in like. A server community. Maybe I'm a bit sensitive bc i feel constructed/projected misery is kind of tacky to begin with and i wouldn't do it with a complete stranger but idk my guy. I don't want to alienate myself but it's weird to go completely uncritical here

i think there are a couple items you need to check off the list before you can go "yes talking to internet stranger #37461239 about a highly sensitive topic is a good idea"

is it tagged appropriately? if it's tagged trust me the writer knows. they have probably gotten way more unsolicited feedback than they would really like

is the portrayal you're concerned about reinforcing an unhealthy or discriminatory predominant social narrative? if it is and you think the writer is genuinely unaware, then yeah, it might be worth bringing up. the emphasis here is on predominant please i am begging on my hands and knees

will this result in a productive conversation? if the intent behind this is to get people to reconsider, it isn't helping anyone if you know it will just lead to them doubling down and doing it even worse. at that point you're only making a performative statement to validate your own stance

if it really is bothering you that much, is there a compelling reason why you can't just block and move on? it isn't your responsibility nor is it feasible to fix how a fandom is doing things, especially if it's a group of people you don't really know. your own mental health always comes first, and a bit of salty venting in private with your friends never hurts anyone

if it IS a friend or acquaintance who is doing this and you think they would be open to discussing it with nuance, then you can probably bring it up. if that person has a basic level of consideration and respect for you it tends to go well, but i've also seen people double down because they already know there's something wrong with their attitudes but get mad at you for wanting them to change, and then it creates a whole ton of drama and people get hurt and it's not pretty. so. ymmv

ultimately, someone's views on racism or sex work or whatever is reflective of a broader social norm, and fandom is not the best space to try to fix that through confrontation-- it's usually someone's "safe space" where they want to retreat from the world, not come face-to-face with any sort of personal reckonings. do i think it's a mark of privilege that some people have the luxury of ignoring these issues when they "just want to have fun"? yes, but again, this is about being able to have productive discussion, not about what's "fair". unfortunately.

my two cents: if you're in a server community or some other space that makes you uncomfortable there's really nothing wrong with going "hey, we have fundamentally different standards when it comes to [x], and i don't think i want to be here" and moving on. the best way to challenge these things is quite literally to make your own food. there's a much better chance of the people you're worried about coming across it and realizing they like it than magically being able to argue them down with well-placed logic and reasonable points or whatever

EDIT: OH ALSO IM STUPID if you mean talking about it in general. not naming writer names but trends in the fandom. yes absolutely-- not in a public space like social media but definitely find a group of people who you trust who you can talk about these things with!! it is good and healthy. just make sure it isn't just a discord server open to the public or smth tho so you personally know and trust everyone who can see it (and you don't accidentally shit talk someone who is in that space lmao)

#skadren rambles #long post #tldr; fandom is allowed to be your safe space too and you dont need to cater to anyone. or fix them. or whatever #it's less that 'people writing these things is okay' and more #starting drama is never a good look and it shits on your mental health and the internet is not a good place for nuanced discussions anyways #if you're planning to take on a whole community you will NOT be able to win i promise

[dhaaruni]

This may be weird to ask but I have a new boyfriend who I really like, and he's way more experienced than me and has had a lot more partners and it's kind of intimidating idk. Do you have any tips on how to deal with this?

Hi hi hi. Yeah, I totally understand how you feel lol. I'm not letting this post be reblogged but hopefully it helps people out nonetheless.

First of all, if your boyfriend is making you feel bad or insecure about being less experienced than him or trying to make you jealous by bringing up other girls constantly, dump him ASAP, that's extremely shitty and you don't have to put up with that. But, if this is really about you and your feelings and he's genuinely a good guy, proceed down this answer accordingly.

I'm not a huge fan of casual sex, especially compared to my fellow college-educated 20-something coastal liberals who partied a nonzero amount in college, and I'm a very competitive person by nature. But, I'm not generally jealous about people I date having slept with a lot more people than me (and that's basically every guy I'd want to date at this age lol) because my first serious boyfriend was extremely promiscuous before he met me, and since we broke up and got back together a few times, he also slept with a lot of people in the interim that we weren't together, many of whom I had to interact with socially.

He never cheated on me, and he very intentionally didn't sleep with people I was friends with, but when we were discussing getting back together, I had to grapple with the fact that in the 4 months we were broken up, he slept with a few soccer teams worth of girls, many of whom I was socially acquainted with if not remotely close to, while I was completely celibate. Basically, if I wanted to get back together with him, I could either hold what he did when we weren't together against him and drive myself insane with resentment, or I could accept that we saw sex differently on principle. As someone that's otherwise pretty anti-rule, the converse of my perspective on sex being 100% valid is that other people's are as well, you know?

Basically, I got out of my head and tried to be logical about it. I rationalized that he'd never cheated on me or lied to me, and I trusted him when he told me that he wanted me without overthinking it, which was extremely difficult for me. I took him at his word that he saw sex as meaningful with me because he liked and cared about me and wasn't comparing me to the dozens of other girls. And, even though we eventually broke up, I don't regret it despite all the other issues our relationship had.

(This is also exactly why the people my second serious ex-boyfriend had slept with prior to me made me WAY more jealous because I knew he cared about them. He'd slept with even fewer people than I had when we got together, and ironically, he actually cheated on me while the first guy never did, isn't it funny how life works??)

So, the long-winded answer to this question is that you have to either accept his past for what it is, or you probably have to break up. If you are fundamentally not okay with the fact he's slept with a lot more people than you, which is valid if it's really how you feel, you really can't have a relationship with him. But, if you want to be together and like, build a life together etc. you have to genuinely be okay with it, even if you obviously don't have to be friends with his ex-partners etc. since I think that expectation is insane.

Does that all make sense? Ironically, that first ex-boyfriend and I are now good friends as of this year so I definitely texted him this response to see if it made sense and he said yes lol.

#anonymous #answered #sex cw #I give advice sometimes