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simp-ly-writes · 5 months

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Lasting Pictures: Up and Under (pt.2)

Pairing: Poly!Task Force 141 x Photographer!Reader

Summary: Signing the papers was one thing, actually going back and doing the work was another. Memories come hurling back at you as you try and navigate this new lifestyle while getting to know the members of your new task force- some warm up quicker to you than others but are your trials all for nothing? Or maybe, just maybe this new start has other possibilities for you as well....

Warnings: 4952 words, Slow burn, heavy imagery of anxiety attack and PTSD, descriptions of blood and swearing.

A/N: Hey ya'll thank you all so much for all the love on the first post, weird to see so many people liking my shitty writing. Anyways! todays chapter is dedicated to my fellow stranger @cosychick who made this chapter possible (TYSM again, seriously). On another note... I may have written a lot again... and have an outline for many more chapters... hope you guys enjoy this next part! let me know what you think~

Masterlist | Taglist | edited.

Lasting Pictures Series Masterlist

The cheers surrounding the room are soon put to an end as the boys soon get ordered to return back to their duties on base as you and Gabby stay behind with Laswell. She opens your file on the table, flipping towards the back as she comments on your years of leave from the military. Your task force had all been promoted within the ranks and some were found less on field and more in strategy. You smiled at this newfound information, as it slightly fell when Laswell said how poorly they took your leave and lack of communication afterwards while tailing off on a few names that have you blinking your eyes quickly.

The room falling quiet once more, Gabby grasps your hand in her own- rubbing small circles into the back of it in an effort to comfort you. You squeeze it twice in response; awaiting Laswell to continue her commentary as a knock can be heard coming from the door, Price enters then closes it behind himself as he takes his seat back beside Laswell with his own paperwork in hand and places it on the table. He motions with a flick of his wrist for you guys to continue as he grabs for a pair of glasses and takes the lid of a pen off; beginning to flip through the sheets, signing every few pages while referencing others. Laswell continues to speak while opening a second file with your polaroid clipped to the front.

“Has your body fully healed from the incident?”

“Yes, ma’am”

“Do you still take medication for it or any other symptoms you have experienced as a result?”

“Yes I do”

Laswell hums in response, flickering to the next page as you lightly sigh in relief and Gabby comments, “May I speak freely?”

“You may”

“They have made a full recovery, I made sure of it before contacting them…” Gabby looks over at you, happiness is found in her squished cheeks from smiling so brightly as she drops your hand to reach over the table for your papers, “...I recommend still going through with the fitness regulation test for formal qualities- but they would pass easily nonetheless.”

Price decides to lift his head and joins the conversation once more, “some practice missions with 141 before sending directly to the field would be of value to us all as well. Time is limited- I know-”

You smile slightly at his addition, nodding your head in agreement before finishing his sentence, “but a little team building never hurt nobody” you tease lightly back as John matches your smile before returning back to the work at hand. Gabby leans over, clearing her throat loudly to whisper in your ear, “So what type of team building do you have planned~?”

Swatting her away while covering your cheeks from your blush, John chuckles to himself as you shrink into your sweater, cursing Gabby mentally as Laswell gives you all a tisk with a small smile gracing its way across her features; her tone lightening.

“You will get along great with the team, Dice, from what I read and see here today. 0-700 tomorrow for your assessment and I want you to move on to base with the rest of the team temporarily to redevelop your skills for the imminent future. Deployment is set for two weeks from now. That is all, thank you both” Laswell finishes, collecting her belongings before tapping Price on the shoulder on her way out.

Stacking the papers into a neat pile; he looks between you and Gabby before sliding an unsigned document, tapping his finger to where he wants you to sign and handing you his pen. Glancing down at it, its weight is surprisingly heavy and the small engraving of 141 on the lid has you smiling, you look over the page- reading through each clause before signing your name at the bottom and sliding it back with a sigh.

Gabby slaps your shoulder with yet another cheer as she calls for drinks tonight that has you shaking your head at the idea. “I have my assessment in the morning scales, can’t be going out and doing that just yet.”

“Lame” Gabby states back childishly before asking if you wanted a drive back, you smile thankfully at this as you begin to stand from your seat. Knees a bit weak from staying in the same position for too long. Yet as your hand hovers over the door handle, a small call out from the table has you turning back to face your new captain.

“Welcome to the team Y/N”

“Thank you Captain”

Keys swing around Gabbys finger as you both make your way towards the parking lot at the back of the base. Walking through the halls and across the pavement; viewing all the helicopters and equipment tucked nearly away has memories sending goosebumps across your skin, nerves and excitement mixing together in your anxiety driven cocktail as you follow in Fish’s shadow.

Gabby clicks the small device twice as the car flashes its lights with a small honk. Yet as you begin to enter the vehicle a calling out of your name from another car has you smacking your head against the roof of the car and eliciting a loud groan as you rub the spot gently, turning to face whomever got you into this state.

Gaz smiles apologetically from the rolled-down window as he asks if you want help tomorrow moving your stuff on to base, he mentioned that your new captain already sent a message to the infamous groupchat you had yet to be added to. Smiling at the man's kindness you accept as he asks for your number. Walking up to his car, exchanging phones; you place your name alone in his as Gaz places a petrol symbol for himself that has you giggling when you read it. Tapping the top of his car in a sign of goodbye, he drives through the gates and away.

Turning back you see Gabby leaned against the car with a cheeky grin, “do I need to report anything to the council already, lieutenant?”

“Yet?! Do you honestly think I am getting with any of them, or that they would have any interest in all of this shit?” You reply while flinging your hands up and down your body, emphasising your statement.

“Well.. you and Soap looked to be getting cosy…”

“I needed physical comfort, you know this”

“Mmhmm”

“Gabby! I swear to god-”

“Mmhmm”

“Even with my last team, we almost never did any of that shit”

“Almost?” She teases back.

“Not like that Gabs! ugh!”

Gabby does not bother to listen to anymore of your protests as she hops backs into the vehicle, the engine roaring to life as you sit yourself into the passengers side with a huff, buckling your seatbelt before helping her to check the blindspots and give directions back to your place.

The drive back is peaceful after the hellish day you have had. Gabby flipped you off while driving away as your neighbour complained about hearing your cat moving about your apartment too loudly. Apologising you turned the key in the hole and entered, the space was dark with a small candle coming from the kitchen. Cursing to yourself for leaving it unattended, blowing it out you called for Spoons to make sure he didn’t hurt himself from it.

Checking the cat over in your arms and sighing out in relief, you hunched down slightly so they could move to your shoulders and motioned to get their medication before you started the debate of ordering in or cooking dinner for yourself. Opening the fridge you cursed to find it empty, resting your forehead against its metal door to cool your head, you felt for your phone the jean pocket as Spoons meows loudly in your ear.

Placing him on the counter and closing the door with your foot, you order delivery and feel for your wallet; walking yourself back into the living and falling onto the cushioned seat, feet pressed atop the coffee table as you threw a weighted blanket over yourself and turned the television on. Doctor Who played across the screen as you chucked at their antics and companions' poorly timed jokes, the doorbell ringing and a tip being served before you switched to the VOD for the football game.

Your team was losing severely as you whisper-yelled at the screen, afraid of getting a thorough beating from your elderly neighbour. You flicked it off before it finished and noticed that your plate was empty. Placing the containers in the fridge and washing your dishes in the sink, you see Spoons sleeping on the half-wall separating your kitchen from the dining room. Their belly turned upwards as light snores exited their body. Snapping a quick picture to show Ghost in the morning, you began your nightly routine.

Showering, brushing and flossing your teeth, alongside applying your moisturizers. You shuffled underneath the covers while doing some last minute scrolling through your phone. Rolling your eyes when you saw the endless stream of reels being sent from Gabbys personal account that had you switching your ringer off and placing it on to charge. Setting your alarm clock to sound you closed your eyes as your body jerked throughout the night, awaking in a cold sweat as only a few hours had passed before doing your best at returning back to sleep.

The loud sound of ringing gradually made its way across your ears as you groaned and blindly reached over to turn it off; you ended up swatting it off the nightstand, the loud crash had you sitting upright from the sound of it smacking against the hardwood floors. Being stubborn to get out of bed just yet, you reach across the room to pick it up and shut it up. Falling back into the covers you reach for your phone and smile seeing your parents’ name in the notifications, they wish you a strong return back with a string of emojis that has you shaking your head while replying, slightly regretting for introducing them to that submenu on the keyboard.

Stretching and rolling out your yoga mat, you do our daily exercises before setting the kettle to boil and heading for a quick shower. The mirror clouds over as you draw a small heart across its surface while scrolling for just the right song to start getting ready to.

Coming back out- refreshed you dig through the back of your closet to find parts of your old uniform that you didn’t have the heart to send down to the storage rooms. Placing it across your frame and looking at yourself in the foyer mirror. A tear slides itself down your cheek as you swiftly wipe it away. Spoons soon comes between your legs pawing to be fed as you lightly smile down at them.

Apologizing to your furry friend, you give them their daily medication and head out the door, to your car in the underground parkade. 06:10 reads on the dash as you drive back to the base from memory. While at a light you start a call with Gabby, hoping that she would fess up to what types of testing you will go through today, yet she gave you nothing much to your dismay other than some teasing as usual.

“Did you end up talking to Gaz more last night when you exchanged numbers?”

“No, I talked to my parent though.”

“Oh! I miss them, are they still single?”

“Gabs I swear-”

“Hey! Just an honest question…”

“Sure, sure.”

“Are you here yet?”

“Almost, about a block away”

“Okay good.”

“Everything al’right?”

“Oh yeah, Soap just keeps telling me I'm no fun now that he’s met you, butthurt honestly.”

“Well I have always been the funnier one.”

“Thanks, just what I needed to hear.”

“You know me- social skills, simply perfection…” you end with a giggle in your voice, “...okay im at the gate now, see you in a few.”

Pulling the car into an empty parking spot, you ended the call while hauling your work bag with your camera inside over your shoulder from the passenger's seat and take your metal water bottle with you. Locking the car with a click you walked towards the main building and picked yourself up a new badge. Wincing at your picture, you hide it in your jacket pocket as you make your way down the hall and towards the locker rooms to put your stuff down.

Taking in a deep breath, you made your way out to the fields and saw everyone standing in a circle, speaking in hushed tones before halting at the sounds of your footsteps nearning. Giving the group a small wave, Gabby came over and wished you luck with a large hug and kiss against your cheek before returning back to her duties. Laswell stood to the side, clipboard in hand as she began to look at her watch, anxious to begin and return to her stack of files as well.

Soap speedily walks his way over to you, clapping a hand on your shoulder and pulling you in to his side, he wishes you good luck and a few other words told in his native tongue that you didn’t quite catch before Ghost is shouting across the field, in what would appear an aggressive tone to any new listener.

“English, Jonny”

“Fuckin’ Britts you lot”

“Hey you! Don't assume my nationality you prick”

Soap looks at you wide-eyed and apologetically as words and curses fall out of his mouth like a waterfall. Gaz can he heard chucking off to the side as you pat Soaps shoulder and tell him that you were just pulling his leg. He nods his head and sighs out in relief while looking up towards the grey skies. Making your way over to greet the Captain and Ghost, they both offer you a firm handshake once more as you provide a wide smile back before heading towards Gaz sitting on a nearby bench beside Laswell.

Sitting beside him, he starts making small talk and eventually asks what you are doing directly after this. Looking towards Laswell she shrugs and reminds you of the team-building you promised to do before calling you to the starting line. Gaz makes a quick note for you to continue your conversation later as he shouts you a good luck as you make your way away. He sits up from the bench and moves to stand beside Simon and the others in line to the side.

Nearing the starting line, you notice a series of vertical obstacles ranging from a rope climb, an outstanding rock wall and a fence hop. Leaning your body to the side, you look further down to see a tire you will need to push alongside a series of pylons lining a large section of the tarmac. A long run, how great after all of that.

Shaking your head of the negativity, you closed your eyes and evened your breathing before sending Laswell a nod of your head, ready to tackle this course to the best of your ability. The sound of a shout coming from the Station Chief has your body moving faster than your mind as you hoist yourself up the rope and jump down to the other side.

Your body wavers slightly upon impact yet as soon as your knees steady once more you are running up the rock wall to boost yourself up, skipping half of it as you hear Gaz praising your technique while waiting running to wait for you on the other side. Using your feet and hands, you slip slightly from the lack of gloves or chalk before running down the ramp on the other side. Next you are sprinting over to hop over three sizes of fences as Soap claps loudly at the end telling you how many obstacles you have left.

Smiling to yourself in a layer of sweat, you side-hop the last small fence before whipping your forehead with the backside of your arm and collapse yourself to the floor in low crawl under the wire frames above. The mud finds its way into your boots and underneath your fingernails as you sigh happily at its cool texture on your skin.

Nearing the end you look ahead of yourself to see the long awaited large tire sitting flush against the ground. Picking yourself up to stand and shaking your hands violently while running over, you heave it up with a large grunt and push it to fall. Completing these repetitive actions tenfold before showing the tire over the designated cones. The long awaited run now awaited you as Price praised you with a large smile, yours matching his own as your feet began to pick up pace once more, now desperately trying to reach the end of the course in time.

The soon becomes in view as you see Laswell standing there, stopwatch in hand as Gabby appears beside her, jumping enthusiastically and pointing at your approaching frame. This momentarily distracts you from the pain you are feeling throughout your body as it takes everything in you to run the last quarter mile.

Yet as you near, the shouting of all your awaiting squad members, the sound of your blood pumping through your ears and your laboured breaths has you faltering slightly as your world spins and the finish line is closer than ever before.

Memories cloud over your senses as you can feel the sweat dripping off your neck and down your back. The feeling of cold metal combing itself against your skin has you shivering in your overheated state as your stomach begins to turn itself outwards.

You don’t notice yourself running across the finish line and slightly pass before a pair of arms wrap themselves around your frame and hold you steady as they shake your shoulders in an effort to make you become present.

You can feel a distant hand running circles on to your lower back as they brush the hair out of your eyes and behind your ears before resting their hand against your forehead, checking your temperature while making a hand motion in the other as the sounds of multiple boots rushing over have you swaying in their hold and holding your stomach as you kneel over. Knees falling to the pavement as you collapse on to your side. Eyes blurry as you see the rough contours of faces shaking your legs and holding your chin before they push you into recovery position as you throw up your guts on to someone's boots.

Apologising subconsciously in a gravel filled tone. The sounds of cries over power your being as you shrink into yourself, tears falling. But soon enough you feel laying down beside you as they tug you over and point to the clouds in the sky while you rub your eyes. The multiple pairs of eyes on you have fallen significantly as you take in a large breath and whip your eyes and cheeks with the back of your hand.

Looking over to your left you see Gabby staring at you smiling, remenist to what you would do as kids in your backyard, making stories out of all the clouds above and promises of your futures together. How times have changed as the pavement burned itself against the back of your head that still felt a bit fuzzy and your hands shook slightly against your sides.

As Gabby directs you to copy her breathing and calls for your bag to be brought over while searching for your medication side, she asks softly if you remember to take some yesterday. Eyes going wide you shake your head and groan to yourself while placing the back side of your hand to rest against your forehead, shielding your eyes from the sun beginning to poke its way through the clouds.

Doing your best to hoist yourself to a sitting position, your frame wobbles slightly as Gabby rapidly turns her body around and her face turns into horror. Her hands are filled as she watches you sway and almost crash your head against the tarmac once more yet thankfully an arm had you hoisted up against their side as they joined you on the floor.

Smiling over to Gaz thankfully he rubbed your shoulder and Gabby kneeled down to hand you a cup of water and a few pills. Looking at them in your hand, shuffling them slightly in your palm you threw them into your mouth, tipping your head back consciously as the water made its way down your system.

Gaz then handed you a pack of crackers that were obviously from an MRE. You winched in reaction that had Gaz giggling at your face before it fell when Fish just about punched him to remove it. Shaking your head slightly at the two and telling Gaz you know he meant nothing poor of it, you begin to take small bites out of the cracker while looking around to find where everyone else went.

As you stare down the field, you see Laswell and Price in a heated argument as the boys stand to his side, a few grand hand gestures are made as Soap flings his arms around wildly, almost hitting Ghost in the face that has him holding his limbs still so the Captain can focus.

Looking towards Gaz once more you ask simply, “Hey Gaz…” He hums to you in reply while his focus is on making sure that you continue to eat, “...Shouldn’t you be down there listening to what Laswell and Price have to say?”

“I think something more important came up that held my attention”

As you move to apologise, Gaz holds his other hand up slightly as you pause your next words. His eyes crinkle slightly as he stares eye level into your own, your mouth opens slightly at the sight of his smile so close to your face, yet you shake your head blaming it on all the anxiety still coursing its way through your system.

“Sometimes all we need is to sit down with someone so that the world can figure itself out.”

You humm in reply as clears her throat softly as you both jerk your bodies in reaction, forgetting her presence in front of you. She shakes her head and chuckles lightly at both of your reactions before saying, “what about some words of wisdom for yours truly, Garrick?” While fluttering her eyelashes.

Rolling your eyes you can’t help but chuckle at your best friends seemingly never ending sass as you ask, “Garrick?” While tilting your head to the side, staring at Gaz’s profile as he simply explains that it's his last name and you nod to this newfound information.

“My full name is actually Kyle “Gaz” Garrick”

“Kyle Garrick” You test the name out upon your lips as he gives you once of his famous smiles once more while squeezing your shoulder.

“My name sounds a whole lot better while coming out from between your lips”

Gasping at his comment, you blush widely in response while holding your cheeks with the palms of your hand in an effort to hide your growing embarrassment. Groaning while leaning forward, your head falls into Gabbys lap as she laughs once more at you while combing her fingers through your hair as Gaz slides his hand to rest against your back.

Mumbling in Gabbys secure hold about his touch not helping your state. You hear a loud laugh as he reacts with his hand apologising. The lack of his touch as you question the equally relieved and disappointed emotions flashes across your brain. Yet this bubble of a moment would soon be broken as the rest of the team returned around you.

Everyone eventually sat down on the pavement that had you mentally giggling to yourself, the ghost of a smile makes its way across your features as you notice the formation you all have made is reminiscent of the duck, duck, goose game.

Soap soon leans over to whisper in your ear, “tag, you’re it” while poking your shoulder jokingly. Wincing in an exaggerated manner has Soap quickly asking if you alright as you smile kindly in response, “I’m feeling a lot better now, thank you Soap”

He nods back in response before shifting his focus to Gaz, eyeing how close he is sitting against you now all the more obvious as Gabby moved herself to sit between Laswell and Ghost. Yet making no comments on his observations that has relief spreading across your skin. You did not need anymore teasing.

Looking back around the circle yourself, you notice as the Captain does a quick look over of you before nodding his head in approval and turning his attention towards Laswell who appears to be choosing their next words carefully as you feel Ghosts gaze settling hot against your profile.

Tilting your head slightly, you notice how he plays with his gloves and how soft his eyes appear behind the mask as if asking you a simple question to your state. Offering a small smile and nod in recognition you watch out of the corner of your eye as his fidgeting stops and he too eyes Laswells next words.

Clearing her throat, her eyes make their way around the circle and stop at you, “you have done well today Y/L/N, flying colours for the obstacle course and impressive return I must add. Yet after today…” Her sentence drifts off as she lacks the words necessary to continue, looking over to Price for help.

The Captain holds your eyes softly in his own as he finishes for Laswell, “from discussions earlier and your best interests in mind, Laswell and the team have decided that we won’t be putting you on attack for now.” A large sigh escapes your mouth as you feel conflicted on how to feel about not fully coming back.

Price continues, “until then you come with us on missions to gather intelligence for Fish under our watch.”

“I understand sir” you respond back, doing the best to hide your emotion in your voice as you see Soap shift himself closer to your side in noticing your slight change in tone. Your eyes are still being held by the captains as you see his eyes wince slightly at your response before his face returns to its professional state.

Slapping his hands against his knees with a throat clearing he stands up from the sitting circle and dismisses the meeting, turning around and walking his way back inside the main building. Laswell follows suit, dragging Gabby alongside her while they both compare paper-workloads.

Gabby turns around mouthing an apology for leaving so soon as you look back and see Ghost is now a bit further away with Soap as they appear to be chatting seriously over something together before Ghost locks him into a headlock. Shaking your lead and looking away all you hear are the sounds of them scraping one another in the background as you find Kyle waiting to ask you something.

“Do you want me to come over tonight?” Kyle questions softly while tilting his head, awaiting your response.

“To come over?”

“Oh ah-apologies, I meant to move your things temporarily on base”

“Oh,” You laugh lightly while shaking your head of the drifting thoughts you were having, “...yeah some help would be great Kyle! Thank you so much for the offer once more.”

“It's really nothing Y/N.”

“Still…”

“Well, how about after you treat me to some coffee together the day after?”

“I like the sound of that,” You say while doing your best to hide the ever growing smile spreading its way across your rosy cheeks as you notice Gaz smiling back at your adorable self.

“Why do you get to call Gaz by their first name and not me?! I thought I was your favorite based upon yesterday, what has this British man done to your head beauty?” Soap cries out while quickly walking back over to you as Ghost is nowhere to be seen.

Your head throws back in laughter as your shoulders rise and fall in swift motions. Gaz shakes his head at his squad member, shoving his shoulder lightly from around your frame with the hint of a smile tugging at the ends of his lips. While Soap remains completely serious in the matter, grabbing your shoulders lightly to make sure you are facing him when you respond.

“Okay then Soap…” Your voice deepens teasingly at the mention of his callsign “...so what would you like me to call you?”

You watch as his eyebrows raise and a smirk slides its way across his features that has you already groaning, predicting what he is going to say as you can hear Kyle laughing behind you at the interaction.

“Mhmm, well there are a number of things I would love you to call me…” You roll your eyes at this comment, “...Yet for now let's stick to Johnny.”

“Johnny?”

“You got it, Johnny.”

“Can’t promise I can say it with a scottish accent like you do”

“Humor me”

“Please don’t make me.”

“Just once, c'mon, promise not to record this one…”

“This one!”

“Oh shit.”

“Oh shit is right, Johnny” You respond in a horrible Scottish accent that has Soap reeling with laughter as he grips your shoulder and pulls you into a hug as Gaz laughs harder in the background. The flash of a camera can be heard as you call pause to face the sound to see Ghost pocketing his phone inside his black hoodie.

╰┈➤ A/N: so... what did you guys think? Have a favorite member so far? Thank you serious for reading all of this lol.

Lasting Pictures Series Masterlist

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alpaca-clouds · 7 months

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Let me talk about Mizrak

Yeah, this with all the entire Nocturne brainrot is going to continue for a couple more days at least. But the show has so many interesting themes and characters and I just love it so much. And after getting all my friends to watch the show, I got surprised by one of them being super angry about Mizrak.

Why? Well, because of the last scene with him and Olrox in the season and his words of: "You are just an animal that lost its soul centuries ago." And the friend considered that "being an asshole" and "cruel".

To which I say: Cruel? Yes. Asshole? No.

Let me explain.

First, let me make one thing clear: No, Mizrak is not a templar. I have seen that one too many times. He is not a templar. He is a monk knight of the order of St. John, so the Knights Hospitaller. Like the templars they were very much tied to the crusades originally, but they are not the same thing. There were a lot of orders and types of knights associated with the crusades. Templars were just one of them. (Do you guys wanna hear more about the templars? I can talk more about them.)

We know from bits and pieces of dialogue that Mizrak originates in Jerusalem (which is also where the order was founded). This is a gentle reminder: Israel as we know it today was not a thing back then. But Jerusalem was always a place of religious conflict as it holds importance in all three Abrahamic religions. Which was, what the crusades were all about after all. Before the time of the French Revolution, though, there was mostly some a conflict between the Ottomans and some Arab forces over Palestine. There were some Christian orders accepted within the city though.

Now, the Knights Hospitaller, who were accepted in Jerusalem, had a strong connection to France. Which... lead to problems, when some of the Arabs and the French got into problems. Which let to the Knights Hospitaller leaving for Malta. This too is referenced in the dialogue. (If you guys cannot tell: I am very happy with the amount of historical research put into this show!)

Mizrak looks to be in his early 30s. So I assume he entered the order in his mid-teens (which was a usual age to enter an order like that) and then probably left for Malta within a couple of years after that when the political situation got more charged. And then from Malta to France.

The Knights Hospitaller back then for all intent and purposes lived as militarized monks. That means they made vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. And this very much shines through with his character in so many scenes.

Of course we see that the entire "chastity" thing does not work out that well for him. But that is also why he clearly is shown to be conflicted about that entire thing. What he tries to uphold, though, is the obedience aspect of his vows. And that is, what his entire conflict is about.

See, what I love about this character is that there is all this delicious conflict.

I will iterate again: I grew up in a very, very conservative, strict, catholic household. Other kids got read fairytales for bedtime. My mother read me the bible. Priests and monks were people we intermingled with a lot. (Heck, the last pope? I met him when he was still a bishop.) And hence I got to make one very clear experience: There are three types of Catholics: Those, who focus on all the horrible things. Those, who focus on the literal stuff written in the bible. And those, who focus on the positive stuff. You know, the stuff with helping people, and being poor, and sharing, and being in general a good person. (Though the three types are not always mutually exclusive.)

And it is pretty clear that Mizrak is of the latter kind. He believes in the good he can do through his faith in God and Christ. But he has also grown up in an Order and a Church that puts a lot of focus on the idea of sin, on the idea of obedience, and the idea of the "natural order".

But there he is, with his Abbot collaborating with demons and vampires to enforce that "natural order", which among other things goes against their own vow of poverty. This is so clearly against Mizrak's believes. Because in his very core, Mizrak is a good fucking man. He is one of the good guys. Who wants to do good through his faith in God. And this conflicts for him.

So by the end of episode 7 he reached the point to go against his vow of obedience, because his faith in doing good was stronger, than his dedication to his vows. He very actively broke his vows in the eyes of his order, standing against his order, to protect those darn kids. Because it was the right thing to do. He is absolutely willing to do the noble sacrifice if that is what it takes to save those kids. And in comes that weird dude and takes this chance from him.

And his entire thing with Olrox... It seems very much that Mizrak is indeed gay. As the series so helpfully points out: Yeah, priests, monks, other clergy, and their vows of chastity were always a thing that rarely worked out. Again, as someone who grew up with close ties to the church: The fact that everyone is secretly fucking is... well known. As well as the fact that yeah, there are a lot of gay clergy. Mostly for the reason that they are shamed for their sexuality and then take the vows to not be tempted into homosexuality. Only to find that a priest school with a lot of other queer supressed men is exactly the place you do not want to be to not be tempted. (And that is all without going into all the non-con, pedophilia and what not. Things that were also already happening back then, I guarantee you.)

So, try to imagine that entire thing from Mizrak's perspective. There he is, already ashamed and suppressed about all of that and in comes this very, very seductive vampire man, who kinda seems to align with some of his values, but not with others. And who is emotionally unavailable as fuck, outright telling him that he does not love our dear Mizrak. Someone, who clearly is not for the vampires and your abbot, but also clearly not willing to take the other side. The side that you in your heart (even though it means standing against your order) know to be right. And this man, who claims to not love you, then comes in and tries to stop you from doing what is right.

Yeah, no fuck, Mizrak is a bit pissed at him. Especially as in that moment Olrox very clearly goes against Mizrak's ideals, that are all about self-sacrificially doing the right thing.

And I do think that Mizrak is right in one regard: Olrox lost his soul. He lost a part of himself. Through the trauma of colonialism, but he lost it never the less.

So, once more: Thanks the team for giving us another interesting, well-rounded religious character! CV already did so well with Isaac and Mizrak is sofar extremely promising in that regard.

#castlevania #castlevania netflix #castlevania nocturne #castlevania nocturne spoilers #castlevania mizrak #castlevania olrox #olrox x mizrak #mizrox

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sweatervest-obsessed · 5 months

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Violent Delights Have Violent Ends - Part 2

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!reader

WC: 1.8k

TW: Serial killers, murders, blood, referencing to infidelity, descriptions of dead bodies, bugs

A/N: Enjoy part 2 babes!!!!

Part 1

The worst part about a crime scene was not seeing the dead bodies, it was smelling them as soon as you entered the house. However, seeing them was not exactly great either.

This would have been much better advice than Derek telling you seeing a dead body for the first time can be a bit freaky.

You don’t really know why you agreed to go to the crime scene, but God did you fucking regret it now. Your eyes were starting to water and your hands were ever so slightly shaking. It was clear to you that all the profilers around you knew what you felt. Even if you were hard to read, they would have known just by the way you stopped talking.

Hotch gently put his hand on your arm, causing you to jump slightly and give him a small smile. He led you both to the kitchen to sit down for a moment, giving you a moment away from the whole scene.

Looking at the pictures was so different than seeing it in person. Someone actually dipped their hand in the neck of someone else and wrote on the wall in their blood. And they were cold and calculated enough to put gloves on first so there was no DNA left behind. Fucking psychopath.

“Y/n?”

You looked up from your hands and let out a curt laugh when a tear fell down your cheek. “Shit. Sorry.” Quickly wiping it away, you looked back down at your hands. “Sorry, I just….”

“It’s a lot.”

“Why–why do you need me here Hotch.”

He nodded and looked back at the living room. “Because we have a feeling the way he’s positioning the bodies might help us figure something else out, and you are our resident expert.”

“Don’t let Reid hear you say that. He might just have an aneurysm.” You muttered, a small smile on your face.

It got Hotch to smile in response. “He knows that you know more about this than him. Don’t worry. Can you get back in there or would you like us to take pictures and send them to you?”

You shook your head and stood up. “I’m fine. Just an initial shock I guess. Thank you, Hotch.”

The two of you walked back into the living room, and you were still grateful that you decided to forgo lunch, not giving your stomach any ammo in case it decided to evacuate your body.

The scene was gruesome. The wife’s body was lying on the floor in front of the fireplace arms above her head as if she was lifting something. Her blonde hair had been stained red, almost purposefully with blood, and braided into two long braids that came down the front of her chest. The only indication of any blood on her body, besides the gaping wound on her neck, was that the palms of her hands were coated in now-dried blood.

“It’s um.” You closed your eyes for a second. “It’s John Singer Sargent.”

“The famous painter?” Spencer turned to look at you from across the room where he had been talking to Prentiss.

You nodded. “His, uh. Ellen Terry as Lady Macbeth, where she um, lifts the crown onto her head…It’s massive, like seven feet tall, four feet wide, at the Tate Britain in London.”

“What does this have to do with her.” Derek gestured to the corpse on the floor. Spencer, who noted that you really couldn’t take your eyes off of the body, pulled out his phone and quickly found the painting you were referencing.

“Oh wow,” Morgan muttered. “He even dressed her in the same shade of green…”

“It’s one of the most famous portrayals of Lady Macbeth out there. Her dress was decorated with….” Your eyes widened.

“With what.” Hotch walked over to you and looked between you and the body, and then over to Spencer. “What was her dress decorated with.”

Spencer quickly made his way over to you and kneeled next to the wife. “Oh my god.”

“Will someone tell me what’s going on?” Derek crossed his arms, unamused by the lack of information being spread around.

“Beetles. Ellen Terry’s dress was decorated with the wings of beetles.” You spoke up. _________________________________________________________

Spencer had volunteered to drive you back to the station so that you could look at the actual bodies of the previous victims to see if you could find more details that they had missed.

“This one, Spencer, she’s uh…” You bit your lip, looking at the first set of victims. “This was the Romeo and Juliet one right? Because she’s draped on top of him like every production and painting of Romeo and Juliet I’ve ever seen. If we have to go specifics then I would say probably “The Reconciliation of the Montagues and Capulets” by Leighton. And the um…” You placed that image down and hunted for another one.

“And this one is the Hamlet one since she’s positioned exactly like Ophelia in Sir John Everett Milais’ painting. The Pre-Raphelite one with all the flowers. Look at the sheet the unsub placed her on, it’s completely floral, and did the autopsy come back saying she had drowned, or was drowned and then resuscitated or something?”

Spencer nodded. He was honestly in awe of you. The way you reset your head when you left the crime scene. The urgency you had developed. The sheer breadth of knowledge you possessed just continued to make him fall head first for you. Not that he could ever do anything about it since you lived in London half of the time, and he was always traveling around the US with no sort of set schedule.

“And…uh, where is it.”

“What are you looking for?”

“The one with the, uh, um. What the fuck was that guy’s name?”

Spencer looked at you with a furrowed brow. “Are you talking about Caesar?”

“YES. God. I always forget his name. Portia. She swallowed hot coals to kill herself right? But in the picture…” You pulled the photo out of the depths of the pile. “There’s a wound on the wife’s leg. Her cause of death was bleeding out, right? With the way she’s draped on the bed, and her husband is in the other room, it’s not the show. I think it’s the baroque piece of Portia by, uh, um…oh shit what was her name….”

Watching you work literally made Spencer’s heart want to bleed. He would actually propose to you on the spot if it wasn’t an extremely insensitive time to do so, and also you weren’t even dating. It was baffling to him that he had only known you for three days.

“Elisabetta Sirani!” You pulled out your phone and looked up the picture, and lo and behold, it matched the body.

“I think that it’s an art student, or someone heavily involved in art. Some of these are famous paintings, sure, but others? There’s a history there Spence. I only know these paintings because of my Ph.D. Sirani is not as common an artist as she should be.”

He sputtered at the nickname but quickly recovered. “I’ll call Hotch and let him know.”

You smiled at him and he smiled right back at you.

There was too long of a pause. It shouldn’t have happened at all really. But the sheriff knocked on the door, misinterpreting the stare for something more aggressive. “I don’t mean to break up whatever yelling session is about to happen, but the autopsy report came back…those were real wings.”

You looked back over at Spencer. “Tell him to get the team back. You guys need to give the profile.” _____________________________________________________________

“I just don’t understand where someone even gets that many beetle wings. It’s not like you can order them online and have them shipped to your house.”

“That tells you how premeditated this was then.”

“Woman, where have you been all our lives.”

You laughed and Derek smiled over at you.

“No, seriously Y/n. I never thought Art history could be so…”

“Violent?” You guessed, smirking slightly and shaking her head. “There’s a painting I think yo should look up Derek. Well a few of them—Saturn Devouring His Son by Goya is a favorite of mine, and then Judith Beheading Holofernes by Virmiglio has a shit ton of blood in it…or if you want some heartbreak, I am personally fond of Caleron’s Broken Vows, or anything portraying the Kiss of Franchesca and Paulo.”

“I just don’t get how you can store all of this in your head.” Derek pulled up to the college campus and flashed his badge at the campus security, who let him through the gate.

“Well, I don’t know how to take apart a gun, and then put it back together, let alone fire it. We all have our different skills.”

This caused Derek to laugh. “Touche.”

The two of you pulled up to the building with the offices of the Art History faculty and looked around the campus. “This is a massive campus, Derek. I’m pretty sure they have an MA and a Ph.D. in Art History beyond undergrad…”

“Believe it or not, this is not our first murderous college student case.”

You rolled your eyes. “Great. It’s good to know the youth of America are doing alright.”

That caused Derek to crack a smile. “Well. Let’s go find this professor and see what we can find out.”

The trek across campus brought you back to your college days. It was kind of nice to see that kids still hung out on the lawns and with one another, not just staring at their phones and laptops all of the time.

The both of you made your way up to the stairs of this slightly blocky building. It felt a bit like a museum with the amount of artifacts that they kept on the first and second floors, but as you walked through the fifth floor offices, your face started to fall.

“Derek what was the name of the professor we were supposed to talk to?” You whispered, slowly moving to a stop.

He turned and looked at you. “uh…Doctor Kolek, why?”

You pointed to the door you stopped in front of.

It was slightly ajar and looked as if the lock had been busted. Morgan quickly, pulled out his gun and shoved you behind him, calling out the woman’s name as you both held your breath.

When there was no response, Derek slowly pushed the door open. Her office was a wreck, as if someone had taken a sledgehammer to it. Papers were scattered, there were frames on the floor, and a dent in the wall as if someone had tried to throw something at someone. You called out the woman’s name again, only to gasp. Derek turned and faced the same way you were looking.

Doctor Kolek was face down on the floor. There was no blood around her, and the room didn’t smell like death, so that was a good sign, but she was clearly unconscious. Derek quickly rolled her over and checked for her vitals.

“She’s still breathing. Call a medic.”

You scrambled to pull out your phone, dialing 911.

#x reader #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid angst #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader fluff #spencer reid fluff #dr spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x self insert #Spencer reid x y/n angst #Dr Spencer reid x dr!reader

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dwonfilm · 1 month

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Come hell or high water. | Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Looming over the Winchesters and [Y/N] is the war between heaven and hell. Dean will ultimately be faced with a choice he’d never be able to make. What will happen?

This will be a multi-part story, not necessarily set in a specific season but around 4-5 would be the best fit.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Mentions: Sam Winchester, Lucifer, John Winchester

Warnings: Lots of angst, sadness, etc, supernatural level violence mentioned, injuries

Here’s Part III if you haven’t read.

Flashbacks are in bold.

Part IV:

“I’m here to inform you, Dean Winchester, that you’ve got an incredible choice on your hands. One that will alter everything you stand for and everything you believe in—a choice that will tear you apart inside until you’re asking to be Michael’s meat suit.” [Y/N]’s stomach dropped hearing this, because that meant it was something bigger than even her intuition could’ve imagined. “Yeah? What’s this ‘important choice’ then huh?” Dean asked, Sam watching from the other side. He had just as bad a feeling about this as [Y/N] did—neither had any chance to speak up though, Lucifer answering immediately. “It’s simple really. You, oh you’ve got the choice of who gets a one way ticket to pain and suffering. Dean Winchester, it’s your decision who gets sent to hell here today. Little Sammy-boy..” he paused, gesturing towards the younger of the Winchester brothers. “or..” Dean’s heart was racing, knowing exactly what was coming but dreading having to hear it said aloud. “..your beautiful, so very beautiful, girlfriend [Y/N].”

It had been several minutes since Lucifer dropped the biggest bombshell imaginable on the three hunters. Dean’s ears were ringing, the only other sound in them was the rapid beating of his heart. Silence had befallen the room and to the devil? This was hilarious. It made it better that despite any worries, truly none of them could’ve seen it coming. Eventually the silence became too much and he couldn’t contain the humor he found in one of the worst situations Dean had ever been put into—bursting out laughing to break the silence. [Y/N]’s heart felt like it was beating once per minute, much like she was dying a slow and agonizing death, when it fact it was racing so fast it would alarm anyone. Sam’s eyes held a mixture between anger and pain, knowing that even asking this question was damning enough.. but all three knew that Lucifer meant it. No, this wasn’t a sick theoretical scenario to throw off the hunters. It wasn’t a bluff, this was a very real situation that none of them could’ve expected. It wasn’t something that even crossed their minds to happen today, or ever if honesty was in question. “Oh c’mon, why the long faces?! I mean, at least one of you will always be nice and toasty warm!” Lucifer was having a blast, finding even more humor in the reactions of the humans standing before him. Sam was the first to react, the anger taking the forefront. “What even is the endgame here Lucifer? Why would this need to happen?” He asked, eyes glancing towards his older brother and his sister-in-law by principle. He felt his heart breaking for all of them, himself included. Again this had Lucifer tilting his head back in laughter.

“I already told you, Sammy-boy. You two are far too resistant to your true purpose. A lot of your brother’s resistance is found in that beautiful [Y/H/C] haired girl standing next to him, so, I offered the choice to cut one of those lifelines because I am insanely generous.” Dean instinctively moved to stand in front of her when she was referenced by the fallen angel, not wanting Lucifer to even glance at [Y/N]. She grabbed the back of Dean’s suit jacket to steady herself and also as a way to confirm this wasn��t a nightmare. Which, unfortunately, wasn’t happening because when she grabbed the fabric nothing around her shifted. Squeezing her eyelids closed trying to hold the emotion inside, she didn’t need Lucifer seeing any kind of breakage. “I’ll go.” Dean said, almost quietly. Sam and [Y/N] opened their eyes widely at this and a silence hung in the air again for a moment. “Mmm.. no. See we’ve already had you Deany, and since your little angel on speed dial busted you free.. we don’t want you. You also can’t say yes to my idiot of a brother if you’re in the cage.” Lucifer explained. “And I can?” Sam instantly fired back, venom dripping from his words. “I mean.. you could because I would be oh-so close. Torturing you until your mind broke and you finally gave into the truth—you need to say yes and so does Dean.” Now the devil was getting irritated, eyes dancing along the three hunters in front of him. “I’m not doing this shit, this is bullshit.” Dean said, getting a little louder probably due to the irritation levels rising within him. “Oh but you have to, see this isn’t just a theoretic questionnaire. If you don’t choose, I will.” Lucifer replied, staring directly into the eldest Winchester’s eyes.

Silence again fell over the room, tension and emotion threatening to spill at any second. “Tick Tock, Winchester. I don’t have all day.” It was clear despite any form of annoyance that Lucifer was loving this entire situation. [Y/N] grips his jacket still, so tightly that her knuckles are turning white. Every bit of her is willing this to be someone kind of dream. Whether she’s asleep, whether they’ve been captured, she just needs this to be anything but reality. “You can’t just sling these kinds of things around Lucifer.” Sam thought aloud, which drew a dry laugh from the fallen angel’s lips. “I can’t? Who exactly is gonna stop me? You three?” He replied, wearing a shit-eating grin because all three hunters knew that they couldn’t stop this. No one could. It was the biggest abuse of power in a world where god couldn’t care less about what happened. “You really want to go to war with your brother that badly?” Sam pushed, taking a step towards the devil himself. “Why? What is that war gonna change? Even if you win, you really think the rest of the angels are gonna let you walk out freely?” Sam continued, emotion in every piece of his tone. Almost pleading to the humanity in Lucifer that he knew probably didn’t exist but he needed to try something. Dean couldn’t do this, it would tear him apart from the inside just like Lucifer wanted it to do.

“It’s the fate of the world and it’s the fate of the both of you—you think bargaining with the fucking devil is gonna change anything? You think that’s gonna work? Whether the three of you like it or not, this is exactly how the world works. There’s no fighting against the machine. There’s no changing fate—there’s simply delaying it and the more you delay it the more it’s gonna hurt when you lose everything and everyone that you’ve ever loved.” Lucifer had taken a step closer to Sam and they were practically face-to-face. “We don’t believe that! You can’t deny we’ve changed outcomes already, you think we’re gonna just stop there and submit to you?! Submit to this bullshit fate that you stand here preaching?!” Sam’s emotional side was spilling over into the angry side and he felt the tears welling up in his eyes. Lucifer had anger dancing in his own, staring a hole into Sam’s face when all of a sudden.. breaking the tension he.. laughed? “I see what you’re doing Sammy-boy, ah, you almost got me.” He laughed harder and shook his head. “No more distractions, no more dragging it out.” Lucifer now shifted his attention back onto Dean. “Now, back to the task at hand. Spotlight is on you Deany! Make your selection.” He teased, the enjoyment now finding its way back to the fallen angel’s facial features.

There was that uncomfortable silence again, settling over the musty room. Dean’s heart hadn’t stopped its heavy beating since Lucifer’s plan had been revealed to them. Now his palms felt a little sweaty, knowing that this was something that likely was happening. None of them seemed to have any kind of plan to weasel outta this one—which only meant one thing: someone was going to hell alongside Lucifer. Dean swallowed harshly, slowly looking between his brother and the love of his life. How was he supposed to make a decision between the two people who meant the most to him? Choose one of the two people that kept him going to face the torture, pain and suffering that he’d endured not too long ago? Said pain and suffering that he hadn’t even fully processed yet. Subtly his gaze moved between Sam and [Y/N], sighing as his brain was trying to compute having to make such a choice. He knew that’s why Lucifer had chosen this, because there was no way this kind of decision would be anything other than cataclysmic to his psyche. [Y/N] turned towards her boyfriend and saw the pain in his eyes—that one glance into his green hues and she was feeling every bit of agony that was swimming between his ears.

No matter the wits that the trio shared, it didn’t appear that they’d find a way out of this sick game Lucifer was playing. All of them were stressed and frustrated to levels that they’d likely never been before now. Maybe ones they’d never reach again. “I’m waaaaaaaaaaaaaiting.” Lucifer sang out to them. All three glared towards the fallen angel but that only made him chuckle more. “Ooooh so scary! Whatever will the Devil do?!” He spoke, tone mocking them and their situation. “Dude, shut up.” Sam spoke, exhausted. [Y/N]’s eyes had moved back to her boyfriend rather quickly after leaving Lucifer and they’d stayed there. Minutes had passed by and once again the dark, musty room had fallen into silence. Of course she couldn’t read minds but it wasn’t difficult for her to tell just how much pain this thought process was causing Dean. She knew he couldn’t make this call, he couldn’t choose between her and Sam. Nor should he have to choose. So, sighing, she knew exactly what she had to do. It wasn’t going to be easy, it was going to quite literally take everything she had.. but for Dean she would give it all twenty times over.

“I’ll go.” Her voice was quiet but the words echoed in Dean’s mind like they’d been blasted through surround sound. “What?” Sam asked, pain in his voice as he turned toward [Y/N]. Dean’s heart was beating even louder and he didn’t think that was possible. “Baby..” he finally spoke, his voice barely audible. Dean wasn’t even sure if he said it out loud until she met his gaze with an utterly broken look reflecting within her eyes. [Y/N] took the steps necessary to close all space between she and Dean, tears spilling from her eyes. Cupping his face within her hands and just staring deeply into the beauty of his green eyes that she always loved so much. [Y/N] wished that she could take all of his pain away in this moment, but she knew she couldn’t. No matter what went down today things would be altered for Dean for the rest of his life. “You can’t..” He spoke, hands clutching her blazer so hard that his knuckles were turning white. Now tears had begun slipping from his own eyes as he gazed at the woman he loved. [Y/N] wished there was something she could say to fix this, her heart being ripped from her chest would feel less painful than seeing this look in Dean’s eyes.

“Dean.. I’m not gonna let you make a choice between me and your brother. You’ve spent your entire life protecting Sam, you raised Sam, I know you wouldn’t send him to hell and I’m not mad at that. It’s one of the reasons I fell so hard for you.” She spoke, brushing her thumbs underneath of Dean’s eyes to wipe the tears away. “I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone on this earth. I know this isn’t what we wanted..” She sighed, trying to shake how utterly broken she was away from her voice. “I don’t want you to go..” Dean cried out, somehow gripping the fabric of [Y/N]’s top harder than he was before. “I know, my love.. I know. I don’t wanna go either but there’s no other way out of this.” She cooed, tears streaming down her face. “Please don’t forget me. Think of me and how much I love you every day. I’ll always be in your heart, okay? They can never take that away from you. I know this is gonna hurt baby, but you’ve gotta keep pushing for me too. Hey..” she cried, leaning her forehead directly against her boyfriend’s. “I believe in you, I have always believed in you. I will never stop believing in you, Dean Winchester.” She sobbed, the eldest Winchester’s hands finally releasing their grip upon the fabric of her blazer and coming upward to cup her face now. “Promise me you won’t give up. Promise me you and Sam will keep fighting this, keep saying no to this bullshit.”

“I promise.” He sobbed, keeping his eyes on her and not moving them for a second. [Y/N] immediately crashed her lips into his, the rest of the world melting away. Nothing surrounding them but empty space and their love. Each of them clinging to the closeness they shared, hands on their lover’s face and keeping them for the longest time they could. “Alright, let’s go. I’m bored.” Lucifer spoke up with annoyance in his tone and that broke the magic of their kiss. Heaviness was surrounding the group now, Sam approaching the two of them. “Love you, Sammy. Please take care of him.” [Y/N] sobbed out, reaching one hand towards her brother-in-law’s face. “I promise I will, [Y/N/N.] Love you too.” Sadness was seeping through the younger Winchester’s voice too. Tears slowly running down his cheeks. “I said hurry up.” Lucifer ordered to which she snapped. “You’re dragging me to hell for no good fucking reason, I’m going willingly so shut the fuck up and let me say goodbye.” Dean sobbed and hearing that word. Sam backed up again, letting his brother and [Y/N] have their final moment. “I love you, Dean Winchester.” She spoke, looking directly into his pained emerald eyes. “I love you more, [Y/N] [L/N].” He cried out, knowing this was the end. Slowly they let each other go. She turned towards Lucifer with a scowl and took one step, but immediately turned back to Dean. Quickly her hand flicked to the back of her neck and she unclasped the necklace that Dean had given her for their three year anniversary. Inside the locket attached to the chain were two photographs. One was the first photo they’d ever taken together, which was inside when he’d gifted it to her—the second was one they added not too long ago. It was after Dean had come back from hell and they’d begun cherishing every moment more than they already had. No one could’ve predicted that such a short time later, they’d be here. That they’d have to be saying another forced goodbye. Slowly [Y/N] slipped it into his hand and closed it into a fist so he wouldn’t drop it.

Sam had taken a couple steps to his brother and placed his own hand on his shoulder, squeezing in an attempt to ground him. He wasn’t sure that would even help, but he needed to try and do something. He needed to make sure that Dean knew he was there for him, which of course he would, but in the moment things were going to get ugly. Emotions would fly and Sam needed Dean to know that he wasn’t alone. Lucifer grabbed [Y/N] by the wrist and within the blink of an eye they were both gone. Dean clutched that locket tight and fell to his knees, screaming and crying out the most heart wrenching noises that Sam had ever heard. It was very similar to when Sam had died in his arms, but of course, the younger Winchester didn’t witness that.. [Y/N] did. Slowly, Sam lowered himself to the ground and got on his knees too, pulling Dean into a hug while all the elder of the two could do was sob violently. They stayed there for what felt like years, until Dean couldn’t physically sob anymore. Now? He was just silent. Sam had managed to drag his brother out of the building, they walked a little ways and finally Castiel could get to them. Naturally the angel was confused when there was only two, Sam having to explain what had happened. Cas just looked at Dean with sadness, but Dean’s gaze hadn’t left the ground. After figuring out where they’d been, Cas zapped the brothers and the impala back to the motel.

Sam had entered the room first, just wanting to lay down but his heart sunk again. There, just where they’d been left, sitting all across the room were [Y/N]’s things. Dean, who’d been quiet the whole time, began sobbing again seeing the remnants of their life before Lucifer had torn it apart. He didn’t care about what he was wearing or how long he’d been in it, he just crawled into the bed and grabbed his favorite flannel—well his second favorite. [Y/N] had stolen this one and wore it all the time so he needed to find a new favorite but god, it smelled just like her and he needed it right now. Laying down and putting it between his arms, he began silently crying and thinking about the day he met her.

“Hi, I’m Detective Bonham. Can I ask you a couple questions?” He’d approached the victims daughter. “Son that’s not necessary.” John spoke, which caused the young woman to turn around. “John?” She asked, clearly distraught since it was her father that had been the victim of murder. “Hey kiddo. I’m sorry about your dad.” He replied, approaching the young lady and giving her a gentle hug. “Thanks..” her voice was soft and emotional. John pulled away and Dean’s heart stopped then and there. His eyes finally saw the young woman and she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. “This is your son?” She asked, he nodded and blinked a couple of times before snapping out of it. “Oh, yeah, hi.. I’m Dean.” He smiled, which made her smile too. Dean had extended his hand toward her and she took it, shaking it firmly enough. “I’m [Y/N].” John coughed, which worked to snap his son out of the daze he’d clearly been in since laying eyes on the woman. “I met her dad on a hunt years back. We weren’t overly close, most people in this life aren’t. However, whenever I’d have to come out to Arizona.. [Y/F/N] would help me out. I was always thankful, so when I heard what happened..” John trailed off, not needing to rehash the details. Dean’s face fell. “I’m sorry about your dad.” He’d said, gazing into her eyes with a softness reflecting in his own. “I appreciate it.” She replied and while she was obviously sad, there was a softness in her eyes too. John himself could tell that they’d felt their hearts sing that day, smiling just a little at how they were lost in each other.

Dean had known from the day he laid eyes on [Y/N] that he was in love. Sure, he’d fought it for a little while, mostly because he didn’t think he was worthy of anyone’s love and partly because he was young, dumb and needed to explore—least that was what he told himself. However that all changed when they’d been working a case without his dad and it had gone wrong.

“[Y/N]!! [Y/N] where are you?!” Dean yelled. He’d just successfully salted and burned the bones of a ghost that was killing people with family secrets, but not before it had launched [Y/N] against the wall. However she wasn’t where she’d hit, or where he thought she’d hit the wall, so he was frantically trying to find her. “[Y/N] I’m serious where the hell are you?!” He called after her, worried that it was the worst case scenario. “D-Dean.. I’m here.” She croaked out, holding her ribcage. Dean would’ve felt relief if he hadn’t noticed blood on her hand. “What happened?!” He asked, rushing to her side and kneeling in the grass. Dean gently pulled her hand away from her side so he could get a better look, immediately noticing the gash in her side that was bleeding. “Must’ve hit a part of the wall with some shit sticking out or something.” She replied, Dean ripping one of his extra shirts and quickly tying it around [Y/N]’s ribs. Without saying anything else, he picked her up bridal style and began walking towards the impala. “I’ve got you, babe.” He froze internally for a moment when he realized what he said, but instead of reacting negatively, she managed a smile. “I know you do.” [Y/N] replied.

Dean had stayed with her the entire time she was at the hospital, which had been a couple of days. After that? They were inseparable. At first there was no official label but soon enough, after that fight about him flirting with people for information, they’d been as official as official gets. Now he was alone in the romantic sense and it was already killing him. Sam just watched over his older brother, sadness written in every bit of his facial expression. He wanted to say something, anything to help his brother but he knew there was nothing that he could say. Right now, Dean needed to wallow and feel all of his sadness. It was something that broke Sam’s heart, both because of his personal relationship with [Y/N] and obviously for his brother. Mourning the person he loved more than anything in the world, he never expected he’d have to leave her side again.. or vice versa. When Dean was ready? They’d start looking for a way to bring [Y/N] back.

• —– ٠ tag list: @roseblue373 ✤ ٠ —– • ·

#dean winchester #dean x reader #fanfic #supernatural #dean winchester imagines #spn #spn imagines #dean winchester x reader #fanfics #dean winchester x female!reader

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1moremilgram-enjoyer · 7 months

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Alright, question. Does anyone know what these graphs that show up throughout Double are? They're driving me insane because the only thing I can think of them being is brainwaves, which has Implications (aka Trikoto coping). It doesn't look perfectly like it, but I think it's the best match.

Like, here's the thing. First, they look like functions, except both sides of the "y" axis are positive??? Which makes no sense, obviously. That makes it hard to figure out what they're supposed to be, since I don't know any graphs which are Like That. My only guess is that it means the value displayed is always positive or doesn't matter, meaning the plus signs are there only to indicate it's a graph, but it's not fantastic. Again, if someone has better ideas, let me know (and it's probably a good idea to check the notes of this post in case I'm being stupid btw).

But let's look. There's two distinct type of "functions" which appear; sine-like functions (wavy) and "spiky" functions. Here's the issue with that. Sine functions appear fucking everywhere in nature, so it's not like that really helps narrow down what we're dealing with here. And spiky functions like that just- they're nowhere to be found. I literally did a reverse image search on a Paint reconstruction to see if anything in the internet looked like that, but I was only finding electrical systems (icons, not graphs) and stuff that Does Not Look Related. So what are they?

Again, I'm not sure, but take a look at one of the contexts in which they appear.

(I apologize for the youtube scroll bar there, I can't be bothered to get these screenshots without going frame by frame)

On the left, Mikoto is sleeping with a sine wave next to him. On the right, John is awake with a spiky graph. The imagery of sleeping and dreaming is very prevalent in Double, as a lot of times (including the scene I'm referencing right now) switches between Mikoto and John are indicated by "Oyasumi" ('good night') for Mikoto and "Ohayo" ('good morning') for John (mostly, depends on exact theories). Not to mention all the times the word "dream" shows up, etc. Just look at the MV, it's filled with this type of imagery.

Which is what got me thinking these graphs could be approxiamates of brainwave graphs.

Notice how Gamma and Beta waves, associated with wakefulness, are pretty spiky. Not as sharp as whatever the fuck John's got going on, but pretty spiky nonetheless. Meanwhile, Theta waves, which some sources claim is associated to light sleep, looks vaguely like a sine function if you look at it with one eye closed.

Honestly, while the comparison is not perfect by any means, the fact it relates to so many of Double's themes like sleep and exploration of the mind makes me think this is the most likely thing. I reiterate, I am not completely confident on this, if you have better ideas let me know.

And this interpretation does work with most of it's appearances without much issue. We've already seen the "John is awake" thing:

(Note: For this post I am only taking into account things between the plus signs. Other scribbles can be interpreted as just that, scribbles to indicate a chaotic mental state, and will thus be disregarded)

It shows up alongside (presumably) John again in the "that'd be good" image flash.

And there's also this? Which I'm not sure qualifies. The plus signs are over the entire scene, while the spiky function is only on part of the scene.

Which makes me think it wouldn't quite count, but I can't be sure.

But you may have noticed I'm sort of ignoring the elephant in the room. Look at the graphs which appear alongside Mikoto:

There's usually two overlapping functions (if you ignore another two-function graph appearing at the very end of the "Mikoto is sleeping" scene). Which I imagine doesn't quite make sense even with DID (I mean, by definition a function cannot have two f(x) values assigned to the same 'x' value), but this is a symbolic function, it doesn't have to literally work. And if they are brainwaves, they would likely represent... co-fronting, presumably? Which sorta doesn't work unless Trikoto is real, as we never hear of John co-fronting ever. Doesn't help that the final image flash, as you can see, a few frames later gives a third function in a separate graph, so 2 + 1 imagery.

And it actually works pretty well. The first scene where this happens has two sine functions, one of which has higher frequency at the start, but slowly loses frequency until it fully overlaps. And in that moment, Mikoto wakes up and there's a switch to John. The deeper the sleep, the lower the frequency (<- massive oversimplification). So, Mikoto, who is already asleep at the start, probably has that sine function which doesn't change, and a second alter goes to sleep, going dormant.

Which fits, because later, when Mikoto is awake and panting, one of the functions is spiky (awake) while the other is sine-y (asleep). So there's a dormant alter here. But we then see a graph for presumably the alter right after, which is spiky and awake. Thus, the alter that's dormant is neither Mikoto nor the alter on the ceiling, therefore Trikoto.

That covers all the times these graphs appear in the MV (I checked. I have issues). So, again, not certain of any conclusions, but brainwaves is sorta the best I can come up with at the moment. Anyways, thanks for reading and take care!

#milgram #milgram theory #mikoto kayano #double mv #i hope this makes sense

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spnscripthunt · 11 days

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Richard Speight Jr.: It's curious, because in the research we found out Kripke talked about Good Omens being an influence on this episode, and I don't know that book well enough to know how that plays out. Is that something that you reference at all, or is that merely a Kripke thing that gave him the idea and he passed it along to you and you went your merry way?

Andrew Dabb: You know, [Eric] Kripke had referenced [Good Omens]. I had not read it until he referenced it, and as someone who was a Sandman fan and everything else, I just hadn't taken a look at it, but where that came from...so with Good Omens it's interesting because there's a character in there - and I can't remember his name right now - but he ends up, the little boy who gets the hellhound and everything else, and that character kind of became a bit of an inspiration for the Jesse character here.

You know, the Neil Gaiman stuff - and Eric's been very open about it - was a huge inspiration for a lot of Supernatural. The angels, John Constantine, and Crowley - whose name is taken from Good Omens - and it's just that way of thinking about biblical things in a real world, kind of much more down to earth concept. I think it really helped him and all of us kind of wrap our heads around the idea of doing demons and angels, especially angels, because demons were part of the story for quite awhile. They really lend themselves to our world, whereas angels usually, like, historically, they got wings and halos and they're flying around playing harps and all that kind of stuff, how do you ground it? And so that idea of how Neil Gaiman handled Lucifer in Sandman, and then in Good Omens demons, and then a lot of John Constantine stuff with Alan Moore, like all that stuff really informed a lot of early Supernatural and really the core of Supernatural and its DNA.

Source: "I Believe The Children Are Our Future with Andrew Dabb (S5EP6), Supernatural: Then and Now podcast (23:50-25:26).

For every $10 you donate to Undue Medical Debt, you will 1) be erasing about $1,000 in medical debt and 2) be able to enter our raffle to win items like this hardcover edition of Good Omens signed* by Neil Gaiman:

*Thank you to the staff at The Golden Notebook in Woodstock, NY for being extremely helpful and kind.

#supernatural #good omens #neil gaiman #the sandman #hellblazer #andrew dabb #eric kripke #richard speight jr #5x06 #supernatural then and now podcast #admin: lets-steal-an-archive

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jesncin · 9 months

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Sons of Mars refs and nods pt1

I put a lot of references into Sons of Mars and I thought it'd be fun to have a post detailing all the nods and research from the comics there are!

The title is a spin on the Martian Manhunter solo (written by John Ostrander and drawn by Tom Mandrake) collection title.

We pulled the idea of J'onn and Ma'al going on a pilgrimage as a form of revisiting their origin story from the first issue of the "Son of Mars" collection, Pilgrimage. This line is lifted more or less from the comic (we even wanted J'onn to be talking to Clark like he does in the source material).

Double Stuff the cat is from Action Comics #1037 Martian Manhunter: A Face In The Crowd (written by Shawn Aldridge and art by Adrianna Melo)

This line about memories being passed down as a form of history is from In my Life (pt 1) (written by Ostrander, drawn by Eduardo Barreto). We pulled most of J'onn and Ma'al's relationship from this comic, since it goes into a lot of detail about their origin.

The general look of Mars (from the martians to the environments) largely pull from Martian Manhunter 2019: Identity (written by Steve Orlando with art by Riley Rossmo). I really like that they clearly took their time to develop a unique visual language for Mars, especially the organic look of the buildings and the fun shapes of the spaceships. Rossmo does not get enough credit for creating such a fresh take on not only the environments but the martians as well! All the martians look unique and have different outfits, which we wanted to do as well!

Our only rule for the environment was that we didn't want any pyramids. Because ancient astronaut theory is racist garbo and I don't want it in my Martian worldbuilding!

This page with Sha'sheen and M'yrnn is a direct homage to their page from In my Life. Idk how it happened but the parents look very t4t in our version lol

Another homage to In my Life. I wanted to imitate the color scheme and the martian outfits here too.

More In my Life homages! This time it's the manhunter training montage.

Telescope romance scene is from MM 2019: Identity! The color scheme and the vibes were already great, I didn't change much haha. M'yri'ah's characterization, J'onn geeking out about other planets, and J'onn's parents' disapproval of M'yri'ah as a partner are all from Identity. I really liked how that story fleshed her out as a character.

I also based M'yri'ah's design off of her Identity true and public forms. I went for less pixar-mom hourglass shape and more buff and built since she's a fighter in our version. We wanted her to be as much a renaissance man as J'onn is often depicted as.

M'yri'ah refers to Earth as Thu'ulc'andra and Mars is referred to as Ma'aleca'andra in our comic. This is a continuation of Ostrander referencing CS Lewis' Space Trilogy for how martians named other planets. However! In Ostrander's version he named earth Per'elandra, which is what Venus is referred to in the Space trilogy. This was later changed via community poll by Orlando for Identity.

Kind of a homage to In my Life (pt3): Earthfall, but really I found an opportunity to continue the tradition of showcasing martian boinking that always happens in J'onn's origin story for some reason.

Not a Martian Manhunter reference, but more a new spin on White Martians. Inspired off of the Draag from the French film, Fantastic Planet. I love colossal set pieces~

More In my Life parallels :>

That's all I can fit into one post for now! Pt 2 coming soon :)

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3

#martian manhunter #sons of mars #dc comics #j'onn j'onzz #justice leauge #jlu #jl remix #ma'alefa'ak #ramblings #watch me geek out about martian comics

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the-chosen-none · 2 months

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I have no real interest in mods aside from somewhat following the Frontier mess, but when I found out that the fairly popular old New Vegas Bounties mods included incredibly blatant references to Judge Holden and Glanton from Blood Meridian, plus a character named "Javier Sugar" who speaks several lines lifted straight from No Country for Old Men, I wanted to find out how many references to other things pop up throughout the three mods. Turns out, a LOT.

I identified some of them myself, but eventually when I realized how much time it would take for me to watch a whole playthrough or try it out myself, I decided to look up the rest on TV Tropes and put them all together in a list.

The aforementioned Judge Holden knock-off is also said to be seven-feet tall and is a child predator (though only technically implied to be in Holden's case)

The character literally named Glanton runs a group who goes around killing "tribals"

There's a character named Cormac, as in Cormac McCarthy

During the scene with "Javier Sugar", in addition to all the NCFOM quotes there's also a random quote from the movie The Outlaw Josey Wales thrown in there... to spice things up? IDK, the quote is something like "Dyin' ain't no way of livin', boy"

A character called "Harmonica" references one of the main characters of Once Upon a Time in the West

The ghoul Doc Friday references the historical figure Doc Holiday, and his revolver the Huckleberry references the famous quote from his depiction in the movie Tombstone, "I could be your huckleberry"

Marko's outfit seems to reference the character Loco from the movie The Great Silence.

The Frosthill segment of III is also lifted from The Great Silence, what with its Utah setting during the winter, the main character getting shot through the hand, and bounty hunters pretty much kill the whole town.

Aaron Flagg the cult leader seems to be inspired by Randall Flagg the Stephen King villain

The sniper Charlie Halfcocked references the U.S. Marine sniper during Vietnam, Carlos Hathcock, the previous record holder for the most kills

Tom Quigley references the movie Quigley Down Under, the titular character being played by Tom Sellick.

Enclave members Quantrill and Onoda, who keep fighting despite the Enclave's repeated defeats, are named after Confederate guerilla William Quantrill and WWII Japanese soldier Hiroo Onoda, who did the same for their sides (okay, I thought that reference was pretty good)

Eileen the Fiend = serial killer Aileen Wuornos

Tony Idaho = Tony Montana from Scarface

Tommy the former Omerta enforcer who killed a made man references Tommy DeVito from Goodfellas

Alex and his gang in Freeside reference Alex DeLarge and his droogs from A Clockwork Orange

Freddie the ghoul = Freddy Krueger

Jack, former muscle for Heck Gunderson, references the villain Jack Wilson from Shane, his revolver is called "Shane's Bane"

Albert Quisling = Vidkun Quisling

Mario Barksdale = character from The Wire

Prometheus is named after the subtitle for Frankenstein: "The modern Prometheus", his Deathclaws are Mary and Shelley

Pancho Cortina = Pancho Villa

"Squirrelly" Bill Blasius references outlaw "Curly" Bill Brocius

Angel Lee is a combination of Angel Eyes from The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly, and the actor Lee Van Cleef

Godwin, who mails out bombs, probably references Unabomber

Joe Frost = Edward Snowden

Guys fighting over treasure named Clint and Tuco

Fiend chem lab has characters Walter and Pinkman, references Breaking Bad

John Ramsey's body is put on display with a quote referencing the movie Unforgiven, "This is what happens to assassins/rangers around here".

Those are the ones that I either caught myself or saw other people list, if there's more, go ahead and add on.

Some of the historical references are kinda funny, though others are either tasteless (Aileen Wuornos) or eye-roll worthy (Carlos Hathcock = Charlie Halfcocked, GEDDIT IT'S A GUN JOKE), and the majority of the pop culture references are so blatant and so numerous that it gets annoying.

If I made my own mod or anything else, of course I too would love to stick in a bunch of references to the things I love, though I would try to be less obvious about them, put different spins on them, you know? You can't really judge mods to the same standard as the source, and I would be more forgiving if the rest of the mods didn't look like such an edgy slog.

#fallout mods #fallout new vegas #new vegas bounties

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purgemarchlockdown · 6 months

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Milgram and The Prince

(A Companion to my Rose Bride post you can read here, not necessary to read as I reestablish all the necessary points I made there here but it be nice to see another person read it) (CWs: Unhealthy Power Dynamics, Sexism, Discussions of Ownership in the context of Marriage, allusions to sexual abuse)

(Spoilers for Utena!)

So, as I discussed in the post linked above. In Revolutionary Girl Utena, There is a dichotemy between a Prince and Princess, with Princesses being (in the shortest way I can explain it) an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation for women to fit into a role that Lacks Autonomy and Power, and if they don't they get demonized and branded as a Witch, and Princes is an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation for men to have Complete Power, Autonomy and Control over Princess.

When we get into the Rose Bride we delve into the ideas of ownership, abuse and demonization, as the Rose Bride should Obey Whatever Their Betrothed Tells Them To Do. This Prince is who we are focusing on for this post.

"She looks gallant in a guy's uniform, but she looks perfect in a dress, too!"

Let's start off with Mikoto and John, as they're the best jumping off point when talking about the dynamic of the Prince and the Rose Bride.

Now, while the Rose Bride (and princesses) as a Role is very traditionally feminine and rooted in gender and well, misogyny. Mikoto actually has been heavily Associated with traditionally feminine characteristics and stereotypes. (Mikoto Interrogations)

T1Q4: Do you pay attention to fashion? A: Of course. No one would want to request something from a designer with no fashion sense, right?

T1Q10: Have you ever gotten angry at other people? A: I don't think I've gotten angry before. Isn't it kind of disgraceful to get angry?

Me, the newborn other you

In Isolation, these characteristics don't hint at anything, however when them put together, plus idea that John was "born" from Mikoto and how he even gets tied into with the rest of the girls by how he repeats his T1 Title and is the Only Guy that does so creates a interesting association with Mikoto and Femininity.

Not only that but Mikoto is Heavily Sexualized In MeMe.

A detail that's strange when even Yuno, who Wears Lingerie in Teardrop. Doesn't get sexualized in the same way Mikoto does. When Mikoto is on screen in MeMe the camera is Gazing at him. Watching him take off his shirt and bathe.

(Utena Scripts)

Anthy: The one I'm engaged to can do as he pleases with me.

People haven noted that MeMe and Mikoto references a lot of classic horror and I'd like to mention that, not only is dying in a shower a common trope, especially in horror. It's a death that commonly happens to Women. To the point where, the TVTropes Page for Deadly Bath comments on it.

Whenever it's a killer or monster that's the cause of death, the victim is always a woman for some reason.

MeMe seems to be mainly referencing the 1960s Alfred Hitchcock film Psycho, and the most well known scene from the film is the murder of a woman in the shower.

Plus, said murderer, a character with a Very Demonized and Inaccurate Portrayal of DID, is also a transphobic stereotype who kills his mom and then dresses up as her to pretend that she's Still There.

Stepping aside the Many Issues with Psycho's Portrayal of DID and transphobia for a bit, these are More Examples of Mikoto being associated with Femininity.

But it doesn't even end there! Mikoto feels like a bystander in his own life, he's on a train going nowhere in Double. He's predicting his own fate in MeMe. He has no clue where his life is going and part of it is in the hand of someone he knows Nothing About. It's scary and terrifying and his agency is minimal and he doesn't even know who he really is at this point.

Why am I here? It must be a mistake? Take a good look at me Until you find me Why, hey why, I’m nowhere to be found So I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right Why, hey why, please let me out of here Please tell me it’s a mistake, that’s it’s a lie

I'd like to mention before I continue that Rypirotes actually pointed out this Exact Thing before! That Mikoto is the Damsel in Distress and John is his Heroic Knight. Or in my case, Mikoto is the Rose Bride, and John is the Prince.

Miki: Her eyes are telling me... Miki: that she wants to be set free. Miki: I will protect you... Miki: I will protect your beautiful sound, Himemiya-san!

Now the thing about the Princess/Prince dynamic in Utena is that it actually mirrors a dynamic present in Milgram, the Victim/Savior one. I mention this a bit in my Rose Bride post but I'm going to expand on it a bit more here.

We, the audience are very familiar with John positioning himself as Mikoto's savior, it's one of the first lines of Double we ever Heard.

Cling to me, hoist me up as your “savior”

Of course as we know Mikoto has been very Distressed about John and his presence. The loss of time and memory and control and the fear of not being the real "him" haunting him. Making him portray John in a more villainous and evil light.

John is pretty upset about this, but less because he's being portrayed as a villain (though that frustration of trying so hard and yet being feared is a part of it) and more because he feels like he Ruined Mikoto's Life in his attempts to save him.

If only I were never born, if only Why, why I’m so sorry.

Utena: Instead, I just kept on pretending to be the Prince who could save you. Utena: I was just being conceited about protecting you.

As we know, John's statements in Neoplasma are Unreliable, as he seemingly tries to shift all the blame of the murders to him in an effort to protect Mikoto since he was Born to Do That.

(Neoplasma)

John: That’s right. I’ll have to disappear eventually, anyway… Disappear, and take all of it with me. I… was born to protect Boku, after all.

The problem is not John wanting to protect Mikoto. It's that John in the attempt to protect Mikoto, harms him. It's not out of malice or some inherent flaw in his birth or anything like that. It's because John treats Mikoto as powerless.

John: It’s true that I was the one who wanted to destroy everything… and the weakness of Boku, who couldn’t stand up for himself all alone, might have been the origin of that. But… that’s all there is to it. Is that a sin?

While John puts Mikoto on a pedestal he also believes Mikoto to be weaker and needing protection, and no matter how True that statement may be, the way he helps Mikoto makes him feel powerless, confused and like a bystander in his own life.

Anthy: Because I'm the Rose Bride...because I'm a doll with no heart... Anthy: I thought that no matter what befell my body, my heart wouldn't feel the pain.

Welcome home, another day, another day with that hardly barely there of a smile You’re overdoing it, you’re already broken

John doesn't want to hurt Mikoto, he really doesn't. He just doesn't know what else he could Possibly do, he was made to take all of this on. That's what a Prince does.

Saionji: So you want to be the prince who saves the helpless princess?

So he pushes people away, hides things from Mikoto, and so on. Because even though he doesn't really know what Mikoto wants from him, he believes this is the only way to help him. (Thank you Laniemae for drawing his paranoia in particular to my attention!)

Utena: When you were suffering so much...when I had said we should save each other... Utena: I'M the one who's unfair. I'm the one who's dirty. Utena: I'm the one who betrayed you.

Hey, I just wanted to save you So why did it come to this?

Which just makes Mikoto's feelings of powerless worse and causes him confusion, worry and stress. And when that reaches a breaking point, John will need to clean up whatever mess gets left behind and the cycle starts again.

The dynamic of the Rose Bride and the Prince is one built on a Horrific Power Imbalance. You don't want to be The Rose Bride, and you don't want to be The Prince either.

"Instead of a princess to be protected, I want to become a dashing prince."

It might be strange to have Kotoko here when the Prince as an archetype both in and out of Utena is associated with men, however the thing about Kotoko is that she idealizes The Prince.

Voice: but because of the strength of her admiration for the prince, Voice: the princess made up her mind to become a prince herself! Voice: But is that really good for her?

Now let's get something out of the way before I start this section, Kotoko has gone On Record saying she isn't exactly attached to the concept of femininity. (Kotoko Interrogations)

T1Q10: What do you think about the word 'feminimity'? A: It's one of the means you can take. It's something you can freely choose depending on the scene, so it's not something to cling onto.

This is Perfectly Fine Actually, as is Utena wearing the boys uniform and having "masculine" interests. Every time we see Utena in girl's clothes in RGU it is when she's at her lowest point and being denied who she is.

The problem is not that they present outside of the gender binary/aren't attached to it, but that they idolize Unhealthy Ideals that Reinforce a hierarchy of power.

Anyways, as established with John, The Prince as a role is one built on having power over someone. By positioning yourself as someone's "savior" you hold power over them and, even if you don't want to, harm them as a result.

Kotoko has seen the world to be cruel and unfair and the systems in place to not be enough to keep law in order. She's frustrated by how powerless she is and acts to make the world "better."

Utena: You don't see Himemiya as anything but the Rose Bride either, do you? Touga: Is that wrong? Utena: It is wrong! Utena: Cut it out with that "Rose Bride" or "possession" nonsense.

(Task)

Kotoko: Yes. I hate evil. Hurting innocent people with violence, taking away from others, killing people… I hate all this evil behaviour! The law being unable to judge some sins, there's too many of these cases in this world. Having clearly bullied and torturing the weak, but exploiting loopholes in laws, there's so many sinners who still live in such a carefree manner!

It seems like Kotoko might have some unresolved and buried trauma here, as while Kotoko herself says she wasn't bullied. She also stated that when she was already the person she was now back when she was around Amane's age.

T1Q18: Have you ever been bullied in the past? A: No. Are people who've had such pasts the only ones who're allowed to hate evil?

20/6/18

Amane: I see…… You look scary at first impression, but I quite like the way you treat everyone equally regardless of whether they’re older or younger than you. You don’t just treat me like a child or anything like that. Kotoko: Treat you like a child? Hah, you’ve got to be kidding. Back when I was your age, I was already the person I am today.

1moremilgramfan's analysis on Kotoko's clothing in Harrow over here is a fantastic dissection of Kotoko's character design and this aspect of it in particular but my point is that Kotoko tries her best to look strong and powerful, even when she's in emotional distress. She must look strong and powerful and not Weak.

I wonder what that reminds me of.

Kotoko idealizes the idea of there being some quick and easy way to save the whole world. Even if it isn't her that does it in the end.

I've chosen the awaited hero

But for now, if the system in place can't do it then She Will. She will the dashing prince that saves the helpless princess. She'll be the savior of the weak.

Let’s end this! “HARROW” “HARROW” I can’t forgive the evil hurting the weak It’s unforgivable, I won’t allow it, I sweared

But as I said, by positioning yourself as someone's Prince you begin to hold power over them and it's easy to start dehumanizing them and putting your wants and ideals above what they want. Their safety is reliant on yours after all. They can't fight back if you do something that harms them.

Utena: That's right, I've got to protect Himemiya. Utena: If anyone can return her to being a normal girl, it's me. Utena: I can't let anyone else have her. Utena: Not even my own prince.

Kotoko: From the begin I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!

And Kotoko seems to take a lot of joy and gratification in protecting people. She doesn't care as much about the victims as much as what she Gets Out of Saving them. Their wants are not as important as hers.

...Fufu... This feels so good.

Touga: While she was engaged to you, the Code required her to obey you. Utena: You're lying... Touga: The Rose Bride answered the wishes of her master. Touga: To make her an ordinary girl was merely what you wished.

By doing so, she perpetuates the cycle of violence she hated so much in the first place. You can see this in T2, by persecuting the guilty voters and physically harming them because she believes she's justified. Exerting power from them in a physical way and wanting to vote more people not forgiven so she can continue handing out righteous judgement.

Kotoko: I handed out retribution to the prisoners you chose to not forgive. Following MILGRAM’s system, I didn’t finish them off right away. You still need time to think, after all. …What’s with that face…? Aside from following your will, I’m deciding to leave the rest up to you. But… You’re too soft-hearted. I would have chosen to not forgive more prisoners. It’d be better if I were the prison guard… Well, just one thing is missing, I guess… I’ll stay put for now. I’ll wait until your next judgement is over, and then I’ll take action. Don’t worry, I’m on your side. Let’s bring judgement to the unforgivable evildoers.

These actions are harmful and dehumanizing, the victims are not people but a means to an end. It doesn't matter what Happens to them or even to Herself, as long as righteous judgement is brought upon those who "deserve it" for whatever reason she can come up with.

Kotoko idealized the idea of being a savior, and in the process, turned herself into a tool to harm.

Akio: I've taken enough risks to buy the power to change the world. Akio: That's how the world works-

"It's alright now. Please go on playing make-believe "Prince" in this comfortable little coffin forever."

Now, again you don't want to be the prince. as The Prince is an unachievable ideal that harms everyone and perpetuates cycles of violence.

However unlike the Rose Bride, the Prince Has More Power and Agency. Whoever is engaged to the Rose Bride has power over her. So, if your worldview can only perceive the roles of Prince and Princess, Savior and Victim, then of course you would want to be The Prince.

Let's talk Shidou Kirasaki.

Now, similar disclaimer to Amane's in the previous analysis. Since I've delving into the abuse the Prince perpetuates in a bit more detail. I am once again stating that while I Will Not discuss csa and sa in general here since we have no proof of Shidou doing that and for the sake of tact. However it will be Alluded to vaguely in the dialogue, especially since I'm focusing on the perpetrators of that abuse.

Once again, do what is good for your health and stay safe.

Now, unlike most of the princes in Utena, Shidou isn't doing this necessarily out of malice, he is not as bad as Akio Othori and I'm not going to pretend he is.

However even if his actions aren't necessarily done out of Malice it doesn't mean he doesn't benefit from it nor does it mean he doesn't harm anyone.

Now I talked a lot about Amane in my Rose Bride analysis but as I mentioned their, people are always constantly presenting themselves to Amane as "her prince," and are frustrated and upset when Amane shows that she can't be the victim they want her to be and Shidou is no exception to this.

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday)

Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way.

In fact Shidou parallels her abusive parents a lot in his behavior by constantly ignoring and outright dismissing Amane's feelings and thoughts because he believes that Amane is "just a child."

20/06/13

Amane: ……*sigh*. Is that right. I don’t think I’m going to get along with you, Shidou-san. I don’t agree with the fact you refuse to acknowledge that I have my own free will, and that I should be held accountable for my actions, just because I’m a child. I may have only been alive for 12 years, but all the choices I’ve made, even if they weren’t the best ones, were entirely my own. What point is there in you getting sad when I have no regrets myself? ……please give me back my test. It seems you don’t have the concentration levels required to be my teacher. I’m going to get Kotoko-san to teach me instead. Shidou: Amane…… I don’t think that’s true. However smart you may be…… you’re still just a child.

Shidou doesn't see Amane as a person, he sees her as "child" and thus has less agency than Him. He's the one who should be making decisions for her because he's an adult. Whenever she reacts in a way he doesn't like he dismisses it, she's having one of the Worst Periods of Her Life right in front of him and he's dismissing it as just throwing a tantrum, something silly and childish.

Akio: A child like you can't appreciate my ideals.

This isn't the only person he does this to, as Es also experiences his belittling and patronizing way of treating children. (Molech)

Shidou: Ah, well… I was just thinking about how despite being a child, you’ve really done your research on this. Es: Hey. [footsteps] You trying to make fun of me, is that it? Shidou: What? Oh, no. I wasn’t trying to do anything like that. Es: You were. Something’s been on my mind ever since the very beginning… “Es, this. Es, that.” It’s the belittling way you refer to me… I’m the prison guard, you know that? Shidou: Oh, I’m completely aware of that. But, you’re still a child in actuality. Coming from me, who’s almost twice the age as you are, I just… Es: What is it? Shidou: For a child like you to be entrusted with this sort of role… My heart goes out to you.

In a way he's exerting power over the both of them through this, he's an adult, more responsible and powerful than the both of them. It's, frankly, dehumanizing.

If the Rose Bride is an object to be projected on, the Prince is the one doing the projecting.

And as explained in the Rose Bride post, coffins in Utena represent cycles and eternity and to grow you need to break out of it. Shidou is stuck in his own coffin, keeps on trying to return to a life that Doesn't Exist Anymore and when he's faced with that knowledge and the way he's harmed the people around him because of that he continues to spiral.

He wants to die but he can't do it himself so he pushes the responsibility onto someone he doesn't consider as a person.

Shidou: I feel sorry that you had to be given this role. And, I truly apologise for being so insistent about sentencing me to death as well… But, you’re perfect. You’ll give me the ending I’m most suited for.

He wants to make up for his mistakes as a parent and pushes that onto someone he can project onto, even though that person has made it very clear how unwelcome and even painful it is for him to do that.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that.

He wants to live but he can only live if someone else is in pain because that means he has a reason to continue existing.

But there are lives that need safeguarding So hey, prolong my life, I’m indispensable

Shidou has fully admitted that he thinks his crime is a selfish one, he did it for himself. No matter How or Why he killed, we know he didn't value the people he killed that much.

“Throw down”, someone’s value Cannot be the same as another

You're in my way, hurry up and die.

The value comes from what they give to him, and in the end, their death was much more valuable to him than their life.

"The One Who Will Revolutionize the World"

Frankly, it's kinda pathetic to be a Prince.

It's is a coffin that one can stay in forever if they don't do anything. Something that harms you and everyone else...mostly everyone else. It's a role that brings about stagnation and immaturity. You can never revolutionize the world by being a Prince, all your doing is just perpetuating a cycle of harm.

Maybe Kotoko and Shidou will stay in their coffins, who knows really with them. They don't seem particularly in a hurry to get out, they don't even seem to notice their trapped in the first place.

Mikoto though...well...John really does want to understand, and Mikoto really does want to know what's happening.

And maybe that's enough.

Anthy: But, you're a... Utena: I came here to meet you. Utena: So don't be afraid of this world where we'll meet. Utena: ...Himemiya...Himemiya...Himemiya! Utena: Himemiya! Anthy: Utena...sama...? Utena: Himemiya...we finally...meet.

END NOTES: I don't usually put these but since I plan to make this two part series one post minus the utena I might as well talk a bit.

I end this and the Rose Bride one so sappily but that's mostly cause I always need to remind myself after writing these that it's a Breakable Cycle. You write 2k+ words about characters being trapped in coffins and it Gets To You.

I'm so sorry to Fuuta for leaving him out of this...Mikoto and Kotoko kinda took your place...I know your literally a hero in your MV but I could not find a way to put you here without bloating it too much.

Funnily enough while the Rose Bride post had a lot to talk about The Prince is weirdly easy to summarize, the longest part here is when I talk about the themes of the Rose Bride and how that intersects with Mikoto. Though maybe that's just me. Another reason to write the compilation I guess.

I Swear there was more quotes about children and adults in Utena- I suppose it's a lot of its themes on adulthood are communicated visually and/or involve sex so like...yknow. Plus I'd have to explain the cars and it would take me all my effort to not put the Shiori car quote.

#milgram #shidou kirisaki #mikoto kayano #john kayano #kotoko yuzuriha #005 #009 #010 #cw sa implied #cw sexism #milgram meta #milgram analysis

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sisterspooky1013 · 6 months

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Gaslight, Chapter 29/48

Rated X | Read it here on AO3

Scully taps her foot nervously against the steel floor of the van, her twisted up hands fidgeting in her lap. While knowing that she’s about to get the answers she’s sought for months is exciting, the awareness that some of the information may be upsetting weighs heavy on her mind.

She glances over at Mulder, who has been stoic since they got the call from Langly. He’s unreadable, staring vacantly out the window with his hands folded loosely in his lap. She’s almost more excited for him to learn the truth than she is for herself—once he knows without a doubt that Diana is not the person he believes her to be, maybe his heart will open back up to her.

When they pull into the garage at the Gunmen’s, Scully immediately flings the door of the van open and heads inside. Mulder trails leisurely behind her, taking a seat in the armchair and crossing his ankle over his knee while she practically charges Byers, who is seated at one of the many computers in the room.

“What do you know?” she asks as her eyes land on stacks and stacks of paper arranged neatly on the surface of a folding table.

“It’s a lot of information, Agent Scully,” Byers says calmly as he moves to stand between her and the table. “I’m afraid it may be a bit overwhelming for you to absorb all at once.”

“Please, John,” she says severely, meeting his serene blue eyes. “I can’t take not knowing any longer.”

“Why don’t you have a seat,” he suggests, gesturing towards the couch. “I’ll give you a synopsis of sorts before you get into the details. Would that be all right?”

Scully nods and sits on the end of the couch nearest Mulder. He’s chewing on his thumbnail and watching it all unfold, though he hasn’t spoken a word. Byers sits down near her, giving Frohike and Langly a significant look as the two men pull up dining room chairs on the other side of the coffee table.

“The database we were able to access contains thousands of files. The bulk of the information stored referenced the two of you,” he says with a nod to Mulder, “but there were also files for each of your family members and friends, including the three of us.”

“What kind of information?” Scully asks. She glances at Mulder, but his thousand yard stare gives the impression that he isn’t even listening.

“It’s extremely thorough,” Byers says carefully. “There’s an accounting of every major event in your lives up until about 1994, at which point the level of detail increases substantially.” He pauses and looks at Frohike.

“What?” Scully asks urgently, her eyes flitting between the two men.

“You were abducted in fall of ‘94,” Frohike says with a pained expression. “You were missing for weeks. It’s pretty clear that you were closely monitored after you were returned. Both of you.”

Again she looks at Mulder, but he keeps his eyes on the coffee table.

“Abducted?” she asks, looking back to Frohike. “By whom? And what do you mean by ‘returned’?”

“We never really knew for sure,” Langly pipes in. “You just showed up at the hospital one day. Nobody saw you being dropped off.”

Scully takes a moment to absorb this. The information doesn’t jog any memories for her, which she finds unsettling. It’s one thing to be told, but it’s quite another to remember.

“What else?” she asks, looking at Byers.

“Shortly after your return, you found a small metal chip in your neck. An implant,” he says, and she reflexively touches the back of her neck.

“I knew it was there?” she asks absently.

“You removed it,” he clarifies. “But when you were later diagnosed with a difficult to treat form of cancer, it was re-implanted in an attempt to save your life. A successful attempt, I should add.”

It takes a few seconds for the information to sink in. When it does, she looks up at Byers with wide, fear-stricken eyes.

“Am I going to get cancer again?” she asks.

“I’m not sure,” he admits.

She has the thought that if she had the implant with her, she could potentially put it back. But just as soon as the thought enters her mind, she dismisses it. She’ll never be free as long as one of those things is in her neck. They’d always be able to find her.

“I want to see it,” she says abruptly. “The file, I want to read it. All of it.”

“Of course,” Byers says as he stands. “Take as much time as you need to look it over. Mulder, would you like to see yours as well?”

They all turn to Mulder, who has slowly slumped down in his chair to the point that he now looks like a petulant teenager.

“Mulder?” she says, and his eyes slowly lift until he’s looking at her face. “Would you like to read your file?”

He sits up a little and clears his throat.

“You go ahead. I’ll look at mine later,” he says casually, and she narrows her eyes at him.

“You don’t want to know?” she asks, incredulous. “How could you not?”

Again, he clears his throat and shifts in his seat.

“It’s a little overwhelming, to be perfectly honest,” he tells her in a soft voice that is clearly meant only for her ears, though the Gunmen can undoubtedly hear him. “I think I’d just like to know what yours says first, if that’s okay.”

He suddenly looks so vulnerable, and it catches her off guard. Maybe before they stole her memory from her, she’d have recognized it sooner. He’s afraid.

“Yeah, that’s okay,” she says, managing a placating smile. “There’s probably some overlap anyway.”

He nods, and she sees gratitude in his eyes.

“Everything on this table is yours,” Langly tells her, gesturing to a table large enough to comfortably seat six people. “I’d start from the left and work your way right.”

“Okay,” she says, then swallows.

She picks up the first stack on the left and turns it over. Her stomach immediately clenches and her mouth goes dry, but she carries it over to the couch and lays it out in front of her on the coffee table. She looks at Mulder, and he holds her eye and nods in encouragement. Fortified, she turns to the first page.

Continue Reading on AO3

Tagging @today-in-fic

#the x files #x files fanfic #txf #dana scully #fox mulder #xf fanfic #x files #the x-files #xfiles

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foxes-that-run · 5 months

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The Lakes

The lakes is about escaping the challenging aspects of Taylor Swift's life with her muse to form an artist community like Wordsworth and Keats had in the Lakes district in the 19th century.

Above, the Lyric video shows wildflowers, LK has referenced this song and Harry also has for a Pleasing campaign. In the vertical video Taylor is on a swing, reminiscent of the swing in Seven, possibly about Harry. Finally a photo with a swan in The Lakes District.

In the Long Pond Session Taylor said (I've shortened it)

'The Lakes is a testament of what I wanted to escape from and where I saw myself escaping to. We'd gone to the Lake District in England a couple years ago. In the 19th century you had a lot of poets like William Wordsworth and John Keats. There was a poet district. They had their own community of other artists, which I've always in my career.' Jack: 'it's not just I've found something worth escaping to it’s a person to escape with.” Taylor agreed "That's a huge sincere statement of hope, everything I'm naming is completely small compared to this love.” “Hoax as the ending song was interesting for a couple weeks but then I wanted the real last song. The Lakes shows you exactly what the overarching theme of the whole album of trying to escape and having something you want to protect, protect your own sanity and saying look they did this hundreds of years ago, I'm not the first person who's felt this way.

Taylor said they had gone to the lakes "a couple of years ago", and she described a poet district with an artist community, meaning fellow songwriters. She had been to the Lakes with a couple of years ago with on her first trip there with Harry Styles on her birthday in 2012. At the time Taylor said it was her best birthday since she was 6. Like Taylor, Harry has a similar experience of fame and is a lyricist. Harry has also sung about being in an artist community with Taylor, in Canyon Moon, which has a very similar idea as The Lakes.

I have seen people refer to the Invisible String Lyric "Our three-year trip / Getting lunch down by the Lakes" to point to Joe. While not photographed, their 3rd anniversary was October 2019, or 6 months before this song was recorded. 'A couple of years ago' rather than 'last year' implies the earlier trip. Joe is also not a lyricist, she spoke about an artist community. He is credited as a producer on Folklore. Taylor described how William Bowery wrote the melody's not lyrics.

Lyrics

Is it romantic how all my elegies eulogize me? I'm not cut out for all these cynical clones These hunters with cell phones

An elegie is the speech at a funeral, her songs, particularly those she is reclaiming are like diary. She lost her eulogie, the story of her life.

The last line refers back to 'I Know Places' "They are the hunters, we are the foxes" where she and Harry ran from paparazzi, now they hide from every person with a cell phone.

Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry I'm setting off, but not without my muse

Taylor is saying she is not cut out for the music industry life, she lost the rights to her diary, constantly photographed. In the Long Pond she referred to having this plan for years, which she foreshadowed for Lover, and I think Harry's Peace ring. I think they may have shared this plan when they first visited for when she turned 30 and into 2020. Folklore is about communication and how life differs to what a 23 year old planned.

The final line is so lovely, her muse is Harry Styles. No other partner has inspired so much work or so much success, they have inspired and encouraged each other to do their best work. Even when they are with others for years they still write about each other. When they see each other they are prolific. Harry has even sung about how he writes too much about her. I could list what proportion of awards and hits are about this relationship, but let's stay in the Windermere peaks.

Despite their success Taylor does not think they are cut out for this life. Taylor has sung about Harry's anxiety in New Years Day and Now that we don't talk, it's also apparent watching him at award shows in his solo career. This song and many (Mirrorball, I know places, Slut!, You're on your own kid) are about how fame impacted Taylor.

What should be over burrowed under my skin In heart-stopping waves of hurt I've come too far to watch some namedropping sleaze Tell me what are my words worth

The first line I think could have 2 meanings, one that the relationship should be over but it is not and the waves are hurt of not being together. Or, and I think this because of the second half, Taylor cannot let her masters go. The last line is a pun on the worth of her words and the poet William Wordsworth.

I want auroras and sad prose I want to watch wisteria grow right over my bare feet 'Cause I haven't moved in years And I want you right here A red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground With no one around to tweet it While I bathe in cliffside pools With my calamitous love and insurmountable grief

I want auroras and sad prose, refers to Harry Styles. She describes his eyes as “aurora borealis green” in Snow on the Beach. She also describes him as sad boy in Question..?, he does write sad prose.

In the Long Pond Session Taylor said "I could see this you know you you live in a cottage and you've got Wisteria growing up the outside of it and you just why you know of course they escaped like that." William Wordsworths cottage (below) has wisteria growing on the side, which is a slow growing purple plant, almost a lavender haze!

I love the imagery of 'Red rose grew out of rose in frozen ground', because it refers to Rose, which is a Haylor theme. But also because it refers to the track before Hoax: "My winless fight, this has frozen my ground" It also refers to a theme of hiding their love, "I would die for you secret" in Peace, that something beautiful and no one needs to know about it.

The last lines are so poetic and dramatic I love them. Calamitous love refers to a love that’s “built to fall apart (and back together)” in OOTW or "a crooked love in a straight line down” in IWYW. Taylor used a similar word discussing SOTB, calling it cataclysmic love. Taylor describes her dramatic and passionate relationship with Harry rather than staide and safe one described with Joe.

Her insurmountable grief is all she’s lost, her masters, the things she gave up in your own your own kid and things she has to pine about.

Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die I don't belong, and my beloved, neither do you Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry I'm setting off, but not without my muse No, not without you

Love this chorus, such beautiful poetry about poets and love.

#the lakes #taylor swift #folklore #haylor

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saintmeghanmarkle · 9 hours

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Meghan Markle's ancestors owned slaves by u/PolishedWoodTable

First of all I have to clarify that I've never commented on here before, but I've been approved to post because of the research I have to share.

So it's been well established that Meghan Markle is descended from Captain Christopher Hussey through her dad's side (https://www.townandcountrymag.com/society/tradition/a13810014/prince-harry-meghan-markle-ancestor-execution-study/). Captain Christopher Hussey was a rich colonialist. I was talking about it to my mom and she wondered if they owned slaves, because most rich colonialists did.

Genealogy is my hobby and I decided to do some digging. Guess what? They did!

Here's a quick family tree to show you how these people relate to Meghan:

And now some info about her ancestors:

Establishing that Stephen is the son of Christopher Hussey (Source: Genealogical and Family History of the State of New Hampshire)

Stephen was a powerful man, huge landowner, slaveholder, and by most accounts an all-round-jerk.

Stephen probably got his slaves from the West Indies. (Source: A Branch of the Hussey Family in America)

Stephen was the biggest landowner of his day. (3 houses!! No wonder he wanted slaves...) (Source: Nantucket Lands and Land Owners)

And here's the part proving Stephen was a slaveholder:

Stephen Hussey's will, leaving his slaves like property to his family (Source: Quaint Nantucket)

I don't have any ultra strong feelings on Meghan but considering like everything that she and Harry have said and done this really shocked me. I know Stephen isn't her direct ancestor, but still ultra weird.

And that's not even the part that shocked me the most...Meghan's director ancestors sold their land to Stephen and so directly profited from his landholding, slaveholding empire. Like...what?? Here are the images:

This ones shows that Huldah Hussey, Meghan's direct ancestor, married John Smith (Source: History of the Town of Hampton of New Hampshire)

And here is John Smith, Huldah's husband, selling his land to Stephen Hussey... (Source: The Pioneers of Maine & New Hampshire)

Aaaaand her director ancestor Christopher Hussey did the same. (Source: Nantucket Lands and Landowners)

I found all this in local New England history books. I can upload all the books somewhere so people can read them for themselves, and on top of the link at the beginning of the post, I also have all the records showing that Meghan IS descended from Christopher Hussey, but there are so many records I'm not sure where to start...whatever anyone wants me to upload just ask.

So...the big question is, does Meghan know this? It seems like a really big deal to me considering the HUGE conversation that's surrounded Meghan's background since she joined the Royal Family.

EDIT to say 2 things:

1. I don't think that your ancestry should have any bearing on who you are and how you're judged. In any normal honest context, it shouldn't ever be considered relevant and every human being should be judged by who they are and what they do, not by what their ancestors did. I for one know that some of my ancestors had slaves. That doesn't make me a racist, and any implication that it did would be totally unfair.

And that's exactly why I created this post -- because that's exactly what Meghan did about the British nation. She has implied from the start that she was rejected by the British ppl -- not just the RF, but everyone -- because of her race. She crafted a narrative that said the British ppl weren't ready to accept a black princess because of post-colonial feeling. She branded an entire nation as being racist simply because of who their ancestors are.

So I created this post to show just how hypocritical that narrative is.

2. Thanks so much for all the compliments from everybody for the work I put into this post, it means a lot!

📌 post link

📌 Post archive link

📌Link to digital format files for referencing

author: PolishedWoodTable

submitted: May 10, 2024 at 12:41PM via SaintMeghanMarkle on Reddit

disclaimer: all views + opinions expressed by the author of this post, as well as any comments and reblogs, are solely the author's own; they do not necessarily reflect the views of the administrator of this Tumblr blog. For entertainment only.

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otmaaromanovas · 9 days

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I've read every single book I can find on the Romanovs but would like some help finding more books. I just found your blog and I love it!

Hello, thanks for your question. Here are some of my favourite more obscure books for those of you who have read all you can find and raided the libraries!

The Romanovs Under House Arrest: From the 1917 Diary of a Palace Priest edited by Marilyn Pfeifer Swezey

A short, but interesting and beautifully illustrated book that translated the diaries of Archpriest Afanasy Belyaev into English. It gives an insightful look into the last few months and weeks the Romanovs spent at the Alexander Palace and their faith.

LUNCH ON THE BALCONY: Recipes from the table of Russia’s last imperial family by Helen Azar

Can you tell I'm hungry right now? This book has some nice information about the Romanov's food, showing menus they used, letters and diary entries referencing food, and recipes used in the imperial kitchen that you can try at home.

Last Years of the Court at Tsarskoe Selo Volumes I and II by Count Alexander Spiridovich, edited and translated by Katherine Alexandra Hines

A lengthy look at the Count's role as a member of court and security duties. These volumes have some interesting passages about OTMA, though they focus more on the political activities of the Romanovs.

The Forgotten Tutor: John Epps and the Romanovs by John Epps and Dr. Gabriella Land

John Epps, an English tutor to the imperial children, remains a somewhat elusive figure in literature about the Romanovs, with very little information available about him in comparison to fellow tutors Gilliard and Gibbes. I have personally found it very difficult trying to track down this book as it was published a decade ago and seems to have only had one limited print run. The extracts that I have read have been very interesting. If you're interested in OTMA's childhood and education, this book is perfect for you - but good luck finding it! :(

A Few Years Before the Catastrophe: The memoirs of Sofia Ivanovna Tyutcheva edited and translated by George Hawkins

A very short but interesting read directly from the recollections of Sofia Ivanovna Tyutcheva who looked after the children. It gives a short but enlightening look at how things were run in the nursery.

When Miss Emmie Was in Russia: English Governesses Before, During and After the October Revolution by Harvey Pitcher

This book has a more sweeping view of Russian nannies in general, but has some nice tidbits of information about OTMA's nannies, such as Margaret Eagar (though she was Irish, not English!). If you enjoyed Charlotte Zeepvat's book on royal nannies that has some great info and sources on OTMA, this is a good follow up read.

Step-daughter of Imperial Russia by Natalia Mamontova Majolier

Recollections from Natalia "Tata", Grand Duke Mikhail Alexandrovich's beloved stepdaughter. Lots of information about growing up with Mikhail and experiencing the Revolution.

Russia, My Native Land: A U.S. Engineer Reminisces and Looks at the Present by Gregory Tschebotarioff (Chebotaryov)

Written by the son of Grand Duchess Olga and Tatiana Nikolaevna's fellow nurse and friend, Valentina Ivanovna Chebotaryova, this memoir gives a greater picture of Valentina's life by including extracts of her diary. It also has details about Gregory's experience serving in WWI.

Anastasia's Sisters: Their Diaries, Letters and Memories edited by Raegan Baker and translated by Catherine Hamel

A short book with extracts from Grand Duchesses Olga, Tatiana, and Maria's writings. I always find it interesting to read different translations of the same sources and find various changes made my each translator. As always, translations rely on the translator's discretion and interpretations.

The Many Deaths of Tsar Nicholas II by Wendy Slater

This book is an academic, somewhat cold and clinical, look at the deaths of the Romanov family. The compilation of scientific analysis (though this was published in 2007, so not accurate to recent discoveries) during the middle sections is the best part of this book, as the fictionalised narrative at the start doesn't appeal to me and the analysis during the latter stages veers off focus.

The Jewel Album of Tsar Nicholas II and a Collection of Private Photographs of the Russian Imperial Family by Alexander von Solodkoff

A lovely illustrated book - if you can afford it!! This regularly sells for over $100, but is very detailed and beautiful, including high-quality full-colour copies of Nicholas' "Jewel Album" with his annotations and marvellous drawings.

My Father by Maria Rasputina

For fans of the infamous Rasputin, this glimpse into how daughter Maria perceived her father is an interesting read. Rasputin is one of the most contentious and well-researched figures in this area of history, and reading his daughter's experiences and how she viewed his healing of Tsarevich Alexei is a unique viewpoint.

The Emperor Nicholas II: As I Knew Him by John Hanbury-Williams

Major-General Sir John Hanbury-Williams provides an intimate look at life during WWI in Russia, from the perspective of his role as an English representative at Stavka. Some interesting observations about Nicholas and Alexei.

Lost Tales: Stories for the Tsar's Children by Gleb Botkin

Gleb Botkin, only seventeen, composed and illustrated this series of tales (collected here as one book) for the imperial children during their imprisonment at Tobolsk. A lovely look into Gleb's artistic skills, and the interesting parallels between his animal characters and the revolution. Not necessarily a history book, but an interesting insight into life at Tobolsk.

In case I missed any, if you search #q and #answered on my blog it will come up with a list of previous questions, a lot of which relate to reading recommendations, so you might find some more suggestions there.

For information of a compilation of primary source writings written by the Romanovs that have been translated into English, see here

Happy reading!

#q #ask #answered #books #sources #Romanovs #Romanov family

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dancingdorito · 1 year

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it's 2023 and therefore to me it is polin's year. so here are some things i want from s3:

kanthony being in their honeymoon phase

pen and colin being compared to violet and edmund

"well? are you going to marry me or not?"

i know this is insignificant but i like the existence of the smythe-smith musicales

RECAST SIMON (it makes me uncomfy that he's absent)

edwina gets closure somehow - i know charithra is not going to be in the season i just want like kate to say something about how she found love or a passion in a career or something

polin communicating without words across a room cuz i think that dynamic is funny

"i love you with everything i am, everything i've been, and everything i hope to be." no cuz if that line is not referenced in some small way i will be so upset

kate getting pregnant - i just want more kanthony tbh

colin has a less lame reaction to pen's identity as LW because his reaction in the book honestly pissed me off so bad cuz he was just JEALOUS

*intense eye searching across the ballroom*

at least one bridgerton sibling to be like "well fucking finally" when polin get engaged

i know a lot of people don't like portia but i still think her show character has potential to redeem herself somehow

polin hug: i know this is bare minimum but hug in friends to lovers relationships just hit harder than kisses i can't explain

more violet and lady danbury scheming

frannie meeting john

peneloise making with BOTH of them apologizing (but pen deserves an apology more thats just my opinion)

i feel like it's obvious to say that i want both the carriage and mirror scene but i'll include it anyway

i don't want ONE weight comment about penelope by any one in the ton. please i'm begging.

pen bonding w the rest of the bridgerton squad (especially anthony kate and violet)

i would love to hear anyone else's expectations as i'm sure mine have been repeated several times <3

#netflix bridgerton #bridgerton season 3 speculation #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #penelope bridgerton #polin #bridgerton #bridgerton s3 #i hate angry colin fight me #he had no right to be mad with penelope in the book #im so impatient for this season

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nobodysdaydreams · 6 months

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Hello TMBS fandom. This is a request for a little help with some of my fic writing from any extraordinary education fans.

So I write mostly for the show, but am at the point where I want to start writing and referencing “show versions” for some of the book characters, and the one I’m working on right now is Violet Hopefield. Sadly, I have not read extraordinary education, and was hoping to get some character details.

I do want to preface this by saying that my intention is to write the character in a way that follows the plot lines I’ve set up, so while I won’t be writing an exact copy of the character, I do want an idea of what she’s like. Think the differences between book and show Noland and Canonball or even book Curtain and show Curtain. Are they the same? No. But you see the book character they are based on in them, while acknowledging that this is a slightly different story and a different version of them, while still enjoying both the show and book versions of the characters.

Head canons or popular head canons are appreciated, but I'm mainly looking for what's canon so if something is "canon to you" based on how the character acts, I'll consider it, but please specify what's canon and what's not.

With that in mind, here's a rundown of what I know and what I'd like to know. I'll start with Violet, but I might include a few things for John too (and I'll have some questions about a few other book characters eventually, but I'll stick with them for now).

Violet Hopefield:

The biggest gripe I think people might have with the way I'd write her is her age. Apparently in the books, the ages are Nicholas (9), John (12), Violet (14). The fandom wikipedia stuff I found only said that Violet had an 8th grade education and didn't list her age, so in a book series about genius kids, I just imagined her being younger than John, around Nicholas' age. Obviously this was a mistake, and given that show Nicholas is 12, that bumps the ages at which he meets them to Nicholas (12), John (15), Violet (17). My question is, if I made her character younger, like...around Nicholas' age, would that completely destroy the character? I know this is a big ask, but please, it's for plot purposes, and you'll be grateful later. I just want to know if it's a situation where "yes the characters are technically different ages, but at the end of the day, they're all just friends hanging out and who the oldest is doesn't really matter" vs. "Violet is the older mature one of the group. This is one of, if not her main defining character trait and changing it completely changes the character." If it's option two, I might still make Violet younger, while being very careful to make her a younger but mature child, like what they did with show Constance where she's not a toddler anymore, but she makes up for it by being extremely violent and fighting falcons (or what they did with the twin's ages, and Number Two and Rhonda's ages, etc.)

I know Violet is deaf, and Nicholas learns sign language to talk to her, but she's extremely good at reading lips. Her disability would for sure be part of the fic, and I've already read tips on and thought about ways I can incorporate this (at the risk of finding false info on ASL signs, I plan on writing when signing occurs, but won't make an attempt to write out the exact hand motions unless I can verify that what I'm describing is factually correct). Her ability to read lips is interesting, and I'm not sure how it's done in the books or whether it's done accurately (It is estimated that only 30% to 40% of speech sounds can be lip-read even under the best conditions and extra information is usually required to understand what is being said. That's from google, but I've heard that stat a lot). I plan to stay true to the books in this regard, but will be highlighting the fact that this is unusual and extremely impressive on Violet's part. How will I be doing that? That's a spoiler so unfortunately, I can't share, but I do have that covered. If there are any descriptions of sign language or aspects of deaf culture included in the books that are also important to include in fic, please let me know (I am also aware that her mother is also deaf, more on her later).

I know she's an artist. Not sure what she likes to draw (people? nature?) or what style she uses (painting? sculpting? sketches?), but if there's info on that, I'll take it. I also know she had an interest in going to art school (the whole Nicholas thing isn't an issues anymore since he's adopted by the Glenn's), so I will have her doing art competitions and stuff like that.

And that's a summation of everything I know about her. Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance (though that's subject to change, the show certainly changed that a lot for some characters, but I'd like to know what I can use), any defining beliefs or principles she lives by or revolves her life around, the top adjectives you think describe her, character quirks (e.g., Kate's bucket), and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of her character.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "she would NOT say/do that OR she would not say/do that without very special circumstances. For example, book Curtain would never adopt a child. In the show, he does, and most of us are fine with that, because they explain and clearly show the differences between the show and book characters. In another example, they made show Benedict a more flawed or maybe a better word is relatable mentor. And most of us were fine with that too, again, because they showed us how he arrived at that point. However, if they made Mr. Benedict a mean or unpleasant person, that would totally rip apart his character, regardless of the justification you gave for it. Obviously, what falls into the "would never" and "under the right conditions" categories is subject to debate, so I'll use my best judgment, but would still appreciate a starter list to go off.

Finally, anything else you think is relevant about Violet or her relationships with other characters is appreciated.

John Cole:

I know John Cole is Violet's brother, and he is adopted. I understand this happens in the books and that Nicholas and John are in an orphanage together, but since this is a show version of the character, this will actually happen before Nicholas meets them, but John Cole is still adopted. What I don't know are the circumstances of his adoption. Did the Hopefield's adopt him because he was friends with Violet? Is that why they wanted to adopt Nicholas too? How did the Hopefield's meet him? Do we know anything about John's bio family and culture that differs from the Hopefield's?

I've seen a lot about John Cole and farms. And a post about he and his wife having a farm. Does he actually have a wife in canon? Do the Hopefield's have a farm? Or does John just have "farmer vibes"? Is getting a city job something John would do or did he declare himself to have a deep seated hatred of the big city?

I know John calls Nicholas "Nick" on at least one occasion. Is this what John normally calls him? Do the Hopefield's and Violet call Nicholas "Nick" too, or is this just a "John thing"?

Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance, any defining beliefs or principles John lives by or revolves his life around, the top adjectives you think describe him, character quirks, and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of John's character.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "he would NOT say/do that OR he would not say/do that without very special circumstances as discussed above.

Any of course, anything else you think is relevant about John Cole or his relationships with other characters is appreciated.

The Hopefields:

I know Mrs. Hopefield is also deaf. Can she read lips too? Is Mr. Hopefield also deaf?

What are the Hopefield's occupations? I read something about them being miners and poor, not sure if that's accurate.

Why are they interested in adopting? Have they always been interested in adopting? Why did they want to adopt John?

Are there any important aspects to the Hopefield's culture or family philosophy? For example, if the Hopefield's are, say, Jewish or immigrants, or some sort of culture is mentioned, I would like to know so I can represent that properly and not accidently write it out of the story.

Are there any other members of the Hopefield family besides the parents, Violet, and John? Any beloved pets?

Other details that are appreciated are physical appearance, any defining beliefs or principles they live by or revolve their lives around, the top adjectives you think describe them, character quirks, and if possible, some snippets of dialogue from the books that give a good impression of their characters.

I'd also like to know if there is anything that falls under the "they would NOT say/do that OR they would not say/do that without very special circumstances as discussed above.

Any of course, anything else you think is relevant about the Hopefields or their relationships with other characters is appreciated.

Thanks guys! Feel free to add to the post, DM, or drop by my ask box.

And yes, eventually with enough time, I might like to read extraordinary education someday, but I'd likely write this fic first, so I want to get some accurate info. Plot spoilers are fine, that won't deter me from reading it.

#Extraordinary education of Nicholas Benedict #EEONB #tmbs fanfic #mbs fanfic #mysterious benedict society #the mysterious benedict society #tmbs #violet hopefield #john cole

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