#i find it especially funny when the batkids

[daydreamerwonderkid]

I know it's mostly only done for crossover purposes, but I do think it's hilarious when the Batkids have little to no reaction whenever Bruce brings a new kid home.

No questions asked, just immediate acceptance.

Oh, there's a random child at the breakfast table whom Bruce hasn't bothered to inform anyone about yet?

Aight, well it looks their messed up family just acquired its newest member. Welcome to the fucking club, kid. You have no fucking clue what you're in for, but don't worry. It's only going to get more bat shit insane from here.

#batfam #batfamily #batkids #batsiblings #bruce wayne #bruce adoption addiction wayne back at it again #everyone knows the drill by now #i find it especially funny when the batkids #put barely any effort into hiding their vigilante identities #around the new kid #they've already gone through song and dance #a thousand times already #that kid's gonna find the bat cave one way or another #might as well as save everyone the headache #fucking hysterical #batman fanfic #batman fanfiction #sometimes fanon is great

[hypewinter]

Bruce carefully approached the child playing by himself in the park. The child giggled as they played with chalk, the sidewalk illuminated by a single street lamp.

"What are you drawing?" he said softly, not wanting to alarm them.

The child turned, revealing themself to be a little boy, no older than 5. He had raven black hair and icy blue eyes. Bruce could practically already hear Oracle snickering on the other end of the comms. She had probably already taken a snapshot of the boy through his visor and posted to the batkids group chat which contrary to popular belief, he did know about. Bruce sighed internally. He'd never hear the end of it when he got home. Especially if he had the kid in tow. Let's hope that didn't happen.

"Hello Batman!" a cheery voice broke him out of his thoughts. "I'm drawing a gargaggle!"

Bruce refocused on the boy who showed no signs of fear. He didn't even look surprised which was strange to say the least. "A gargaggle? Do you mean gargoyle?"

The boy furrowed his brows for a bit before piping up again. "I do! It's such a funny word. I can never get it right."

"I know the feeling," Bruce said, crouching down next to the boy. "Sometimes I struggle with words too."

The boy's eyes went wide as if he couldn't believe the Batman struggled with words. "Say-" Bruce started, "-it's pretty late out are your parents nearby?"

The boy shook his head. "No, I don't have parents," he said as he went back to doodling.

Ok Bruce don't freak out just yet. "Oh, then do you have a guardian of sorts? Like an older sibling, or another family member? Like an aunt or grandparent?"

The boy shook his head again. "Nope. Oh! But I do have a friend. She's very nice and gives me lots of gifts and special things."

Alright, he could work with that. Maybe this 'friend' was the kid's guardian and he just didn't realize it yet. That could happen if he was put in their care recently. Bruce cleared his throat to get the boy to look up at him again. "Do you know where your friend is right now?" he asked.

The boy smiled wide. " 'course I do! She's right over there!" As he spoke, he pointed to a clutter of trees, just to his left. "She really loves you and your family," he said. "She's shy though, so she hid when she saw you coming."

"I see," Bruce replied as he got up. "Well maybe I can convince her to come out." He walked over to where the boy had pointed and pulled apart the bushes, hoping to find a woman who he could talk to about the dangers of wandering around at night. Instead he found nothing.

Bruce heard a giggle from behind him. "That's not where she is silly," he said.

"But that's what you-"

"She's not in the bushes, she's in the shadows. She's really good at hide and seek you know. Once we were playing and she hid in the shadows. Then she snuck up behind me from another shadow. It was really unfair! I never win hide and seek or tag against her," the boy said, starting to pout.

She's in the shadows? A meta? And one with a similar power set to Signal no less. Hmmmm.

Bruce began making his way back to the boy. "Then where is she right now?" he asked.

The boy shrugged, as he returned to his drawing once again. "I don't know. Sometimes she leaves and doesn't return for days. Since you're around, I don't think she's coming back for a while."

Great, just great. He had managed to scare off a little boy's only guardian in the middle of the night. Good going Bruce. he chided himself. He crouched down next to the boy again. "Do you know how to get home? Maybe we can wait for your friend there."

The boy turned to Bruce again. "Sure do!" he said, puffing out his chest. " 'cause I'm a big boy and big boys know how to get home on their own." he recited.

That was another point for the growing concerning information checklist. "Okay let's go wait for her then."

The boy's face dropped as he looked longingly at his gargoyle drawing. For a moment, Bruce thought he would have to bribe the kid with a lollipop but instead he held up his arms to be carried. "Okay," he said solemnly.

Bruce exhaled in relief as he picked up the boy. After pulling out his grappling gun he turned to the boy. "Where to...." Shit. Had he really forgotten to ask for the kid's name?

The boy in question didn't seem all too bothered by that fact. "Danny," he answered seamlessly. "And it's that way." Bruce aimed his grappling gun and off they went.

----

It took Danny all of two directions before he was out like a light. Bruce sighed, switching directions. Yep, he would truly never hear the end of it.

Next

#dp x dc #dc x dp #winter's tales #this could be a de-aged danny thing #but i imagine it to be more of an early accident thing #gotham sees a tiny baby wondering around her streets alone and decides none of that #she doesn't have to worry now though #since her precious bats will take care of him from now on #meanwhile oracle is cackling as she patches bruce's comms through to everyone else

[anxiousnerdwritings]

Bimbo!Sister!Reader who somehow has a thing with like, half of the Justice League but she didn’t meet them because of Bruce, it just happened naturally. Same with all of Bruce’s exes.

Poor Bruce when he finds out his sister has had situationships going on with half (if not all) of his colleagues as well as his exes at some point and currently. It would be funny if the “world’s greatest detective” had no fucking clue his sister had any type of relationship with any of the Justice League or his exes. It would be even funnier if Bimbo!Sister!Reader has no idea that she was hooking up any, let alone all, of the Justice League members or Bruce’s exes. Like, I can just imagine the Reader meeting the Justice League for the first time in their superhero garb and not having a inkling that these people are her ex lovers/current lovers. Meanwhile, the Justice League (excluding B-man) are just now realizing that they’ve been with Bruce’s precious sister (who they probably didn’t even know existed) and are both shitting their pants as well as not believing they were able to snag Bruce’s sibling.

Bruce totally picks up on the way his co-workers are acting and overall atmosphere, like the man is already doing the math and to say he isn’t happy would be a complete understatement. He totally pulls the extreme overprotective brother card and cockblocks everyone to hell. There is no way he’s letting his sister out of his sight ever again. Just wait till the rest of the batfamily finds out. You think Bruce is bad you haven’t seen the overprotective batkids when it comes to their beloved Bimbo!aunt.

Also, you can’t tell me Alfred didn’t know about any of the Reader’s relationships. He is totally the one Bimbo!Sister!Reader would go to to vent or gush about whoever she was seeing at the time and get advice or just to share what was on her mind. And you can’t tell me that Alfred wouldn’t keep her shit under lock and key. The same goes for Alfred with Bruce. The only reason he would reveal anything or bring something to Bruce’s attention especially would be if he felt it was in the best interest of the Reader to get Bruce involved. Otherwise he’s taking it to the grave with him.

#anxious answers #yandere bruce wayne #yandere dc concept #yandere concept

[frownyalfred]

another borderline chapter has me going bonkers, absolutely lovely, and I can’t stop laughing over the part where they go to the watchtower.

2 bats coming up together? Something might be going down

3-4 bats come up? Probably a global invasion

ALL of the bats, at once, marching in unison? Darkseid’s avatars are invading every multiverse at once (again?)

Stephanie calls Bruce SIR??? Reality is about to become some funny spaghetti and oh god, we’re fucked

(Also, can you explain something for a dumb reader? Is the reason they’re putting on a show just to have fun fucking with the JL or is there another reason? I know they’re trying to hide the bond but having Dick and Jason match the BatWalk(tm) and Stephanie calling Bruce sir seems like something different? Please help. Am one brain cell)

My take on it was, most of the bond is (somewhat unknowingly) trying to copy Bruce and maintain a calm, collected appearance. What they don't fully realize (and even Bruce is kind of willfully ignoring) is that by all of them trying to act serious and unbothered, they really look much different from normal.

They're essentially trying to hide the bond by overcorrecting and using Bruce's normal techniques (walking quickly and confidently, being silent, putting off a threatening aura) and while it's intimidating, it definitely makes things look different and possibly worrying for the JL members who see it.

I've mentioned this before and I've seen it referenced in a few comments which I love, but my goal/plan is for the bond is obviously for it to change the Bats and average them out more as they exchange skills/memories, but also to cause issues with how others perceive them even when the Batkids/Bruce insist they're largely the "same" person as they were before. So they think they're acting very similarly to how they normally do, but over time, to outsiders, it's apparent that the bond has deeply changed them.

I especially want to explore this concept as it relates to Bruce being protective/defensive of the kids and vice versa. I find that fascinating since he already felt so intensely about them, and the bond just magnifies that.

#thanks friend! #borderline #asks #myfic #theresurrectionist

[the-deadrobin]

Jason Todd Headcannons

I will probably add more later, because I surely forgot a few.

Half of these don't make sense, but they're fun.

Jason is a huge Literature nerd and an even bigger Jane Austen fan. He's also a huge romance lover. But he likes the wholesome cutesy shit. (I also think he just loves poems) But even so, he likes Shakespeare especially the tragedies like Macbeth.

He is the only Bat Alfred allows in the kitchen. Jason used to learn to cook from/help cook with Alfred back in his Robin days. Thus he is a surprisingly good cook, second only to Alfred.

Jason smoked when he was an Alley kid before being Robin and he still smokes as Red Hood. He also smokes on rooftops while Bruce has his Galas and the press are all over it.

This one is kinda funny but I love the idea of the Wayne family being like the Kardashians of Gotham (just much more useful) and Dick and Jason are absolute heartthrobs. (I'm so going to elaborate on this with detail in another post)

The Bat-fam don't know about the all-blades, or the all-caste. Because the situation just never called for it.

Anesthesia or sedatives either don't work on him, or wear off him much faster than normal. Same with alcohol.

Being a Gothamite, a Bat, and trained with the League Of Assassins, I imagine Jason has trained himself to have immunity to poisons and toxins (mostly but not all) (I believe its called Microdosing)

Jason has that good old white tuft of hair. Whether from head trauma or the Lazarus remains a mystery.

Jason is dramatic as hell. And extremely petty too. Spite drives this man. He does everything he can (no matter how small or big it might be) to spite Bruce.

Most of his younger siblings don't prank him unless they're looking for all out war, in which him, Dick and Steph form an alliance and go batshit insane (pun not intended)

Leading me to my next point: Jason is very competitive.

He's also a horrible role model because whenever any of the siblings fight (namely Tim and Damian) he just makes shit worse and watches the chaos he helped create.

Jason is big on revenge. He has a list is all I'm saying.

Jason probably has claustrophobia (what with being stuck in a damn coffin and all that)

I think that all of the bat siblings (except Dick, because he has the Big Bro power) has a blackmail list on everyone in the house. But no one can seem to find blackmail for Jason just because Jason is so damn good at covering up what he does that even if it was obvious he did something, there'd be no evidence of it.

Which leads to the fact that I think Jason is an extremely good liar. And he uses that to make his lies really weird and borderline crazy but people still believe him because he's just so convincing. Like, whenever he lies to Bruce, Bruce just believes it. And the other batkids are in the corner like: what??? It wasn't even a convincing lie!! But then they find out about an instance Jason has pulled this shit on them and realise how believable it actually is. (And that was only when he was caught) but Jason never does this to Alfred, because no matter what Alfred can always catch his lies.

Jason regularly has tea time with Alfred. They talk about books, food, Jason's schemes to fuck with his family and Alfred secretly gives him ideas. But everyone else in the family aside from Bruce and Jason always think Alfred is this innocent old man.

Also one of my favourites is that Jason jokes about his death. A lot. Everytime he sees an opportunity he takes it. Bruce and Dick (and to some degree Tim) are so uncomfortable everytime he does it, but Steph and Damian find it the funniest thing ever. Duke has absolutely no clue why Jason keeps making these jokes about dying, because no one told the poor guy. Cass is as clueless as Duke and Babs is always caught so off guard by it. Alfred is always mortified but he doesn't show it because he knows its Jason's coping mechanism.

I wholeheartedly believe that Jason drops off the face of the Earth occasionally. He just goes completely off-grid, no one (except sometimes Roy or Steph) know how to contact him or where he went. Not a single bat can find him when he does this. And that half the time he's doing this, he's just going to the Fields Of All to hang out with Ducra and some monks, or having mother son bonding time with Talia. Then the other half he's either having a nuch needed vacation in the beach, or going on a extremely dark and broody conquest to solve a large case and ultimately failing into its rabbithole and never attempting to get out. (He hates to admit it, but it's a lot like Bruce sometimes)

When Jason is out as Jason Wayne he totally wears makeup. Either just foundation to cover up his scars, or when he's feeling it maybe some black eyeliner and eyeshadow for Galas. So almost nobody recognises him as Jason Wayne while he's in normal civvies and he can wander Gotham freely. (Unlike Dick, who has to style his hair differently, wear a cap, change his wardrobe and still gets paparazzis)

Jason regularly quotes book and poems and the only person who has a chance of understanding him is Alfred.

This whole tumblr post.

Jason died before the Internet became as huge as it is now. So, Jason is the least technologically advanced in the family. He's the equivalent of a grandfather. Barely can use a computer without yelling for someone. Goes into Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss mode upon realising the stupidity of the scenario. It drives Tim and Babs insane. More of that here.

Everyone knows he loves Wonder Woman. He has Wonder Woman clothes, a bottle, a figurine, comics, etc. Once, he got a small tattoo of her logo under his ear mainly to spite Bruce. (Because he has accepted that, that's half his life purpose at this point).

But secretly, under the Wonder Woman jackets and tucked in between the pages of the comics are Green Arrow shirts and bookmarks. Only because he knows Bruce notices these small things and it gnaws away at him because Jason has never touched Batman merch since his ressurection. Roy does the same thing but with Batman merch.

Jason and Damian met in the League Of Assassins and were pretty close before going to Gotham for entirely different reasons. No one in the family knows about this and always wonder why they can communicate so well without using a word. (They did that a lot while sneaking around Nanda Parbat so Ra's wouldn't notice).

Jason and Steph are absolute besties. They're a chaos duo who love tormenting Bruce and are practically bff soulmates. But it's strictly platonic.

He's the kind of guy who would unironically recite a monologue from Macbeth without a hit him, just to motivate his goons.

#jason todd #jason todd headcannons #idk why its so detailed #red hood #red hood headcannons

[f4nd0m-fun]

Batfam Mafia AU

Not that the fam themselves (most of them) are in the Mafia tho, I just don't have a better name.

@hallowsden helped me with this a while ago but this is the expanded version.

Essentially, you've got bronze age Joker as a Mafia boss who has a penchant for cruel jokes and unusual punishment but he's a lot more moral in this than he has been in the past, partially that he doesn't target children anymore.

Harley used to work at the local prison, essentially her job was figuring out if the inmates got worse while there or were sent there wrongly. People didn't like how good she was doing with her job (plus that's where she met Joker, tho she was hiding there relationship) so she got sent to work at Arkham in hopes it would break her or something (it slightly did but she's not as unhinged as a Jokered Harley)

Joker is like a step-dad to the batkids and Pam is like a step-mom in the same dad way, but the kids more or less fight over who the best mom-mom is.

Jason still died because a rival of Joker's found out he was working with the vigilantes and took it into their own hands to remedy that and tried to pin it on Joker, not realizing he was technically family with them.

Anyway, Talia gets back from a trip, finds out, and takes Jason's corpse to LoA. Jason ends up considering her 'best mom'. Then Harley becomes 'Second Mom' because he decides to take Joker's old name and try and weasel his way to working under his step-dad (Joker finds out almost immediately)

Anyway, besides Jason, here's what Mom(s) I think the kids would gravitate towards the most (I consider Ivy a mom-adjacent dad/wine aunt combo because of her vibes)

Dick is the kid who thinks Selina is Best Mom. He'll sometimes join her heists when he wants to destress, especially since most of her heists are only harming the rich idiots and museums, the latter of which gets sent to their home countries. He spends all much time with her a lot of people think she's his actual mom (not that Egyptian and Romani are the same but most people can't really tell the difference plus Bruce is pale as fuck)

Cass has too many bad memories and trauma from assassin days to really see Talia as a mom figure but she does call her aunt from time to time (unless Talia spent time overtaking some of Cass' training and used that time to make things better where she could).

Tim blew up the LoA, I'm not sure how fond he'd be of Talia unless she helped him do so but still. Plus, imagine if he just went 'Sike I'm going with Joker and Harley' either when Bruce tried to adopt him, or maybe willingly becoming Joker Jr. when Damien took over as Robin (Damien was still raised in the LoA but Talia did better this time with him). I feel like he'd still have somewhat of a Hero getup tho for outside of Gotham since Joker is considered a villain, so he takes on 'Red' after his step-dad and his big brother, and 'Robin' from his old role.

Steph I'm not sure but I feel like she'd get along with Harley. Be funny if she and Tim would be all 'Jokerina and Junior' creepy twin shenanigans, but she'd still be Spoiler as well, kinda depends on how much she wants to annoy Bruce at the time. Or maybe she goes for a Harley-look-alike - 'Quinnie and Junior'?

Duke is a kitty kat kid most of the time. He's a street fighter, as much or more than Jason, but while Jason later got trained by Bruce then Talia, Duke got his training from Bruce and Selina.

Damien, as mentioned before, was raised by Talia, but he also grew up with Jason for a bit, and maybe Tim babysat him as well from time to time when he was at the LoA (they have a better relationship than Canon). Not much changes but he isn't at murder happy.

In terms of non-platonic relationships, you have...

Brutalina, BatJokes, Jarley, and Harlivy

Also, depending on how you want to drag things, Ras is either redeemable or he's that grandpa you're not a fan of who keeps inserting himself into family functions and it's not like you can kill him right? Or both, both is good. 😂

#mafia au #Batman Mafia au #batfam Mafia au #brutalina #batjokes #jarley #harlivy

[lazydoodlesandfanfic]

Little angst on Octavia (Buff Batmom) her terms of morals. It’s morally grey a dark dark shade of grey. Octavia at a young age was taught to kill, torture, manipulate, and murder. Things she was extremely proficient in and already experienced the horrible ugly side of world. As an adult, Octavia has terrible ptsd from her brutal childhood torture/training and past murders. During the time when Bruce and Octavia were dating she didn’t felt comfortable enough sleeping next to him since she was afraid she might attack him by accident.

Absolutely, I also imagine that due to her childhood, she struggles to tell the different between right or wrong, or acceptable behaviour. She was especially bad with it when she first met and started dating Bruce, and when Bruce realises this, he sort of becomes her filter (Think 12th Doctor and Clara) with her turning to him to ask if something is okay or acceptable, or him telling her if something she did wasn't right, and why. She's a lot better by the time she batkids are in their lives, but she does still have her moments, often coming off as blunt or at times very cold and uncaring, but after the kids have a vague understanding on her childhood and how she's not aware, they also try to help her with it. However, sometimes they do find it funny.

[alltheshadesofamber]

I also find it funny that Dick, who is known for getting along with everyone, loathes Harvey. I think Harvey isn't fond of him either. Riddler thought Tim was a nice kid. Killer Croc likes Jason, which is hilarious considering pre-Crisis Jasons' origins. Just image the villains all in a room w/the Robins and being protective over certain ones. Then Joker comes in and absolute chaos reigns.

Ha! I wouldn’t say Dick is known for getting along with everyone, especially not criminals, because that feels like an oversimplification, though he is shown to be a highly respected professional in the superhero community! And he’s got some awesome ride-or-die friends! Harvey absolutely isn’t fond of him though, and yeah, the animosity is mutual. That’s what happens when you beat up a kid with a baseball bat I think! 😂

Honestly scenarios like this one you’ve presented are where my brain is pretty much at war with itself, the part that wants to adhere to canon as much as possible/to a reasonable degree and is irritated by excessive fanon, fighting with the part that’s going “haha yeah that sounds funny!” Like realistically I don’t actually think in canon any of the Gotham Rogues are too attached to the assorted Batkids, like maybe they might have ones they think are funny or prefer to deal with or respect or whatever, but certainly not to the point where they feel so much fondness that they’re like, actively protective. (Then again, obviously I haven’t read every comic ever, so maybe I’m wrong?) But on the other hand, strictly for like fanon and fic purposes, I do think it’s a funny idea!

I do think everyone should beat up the Joker though! Like, always!

#asks #batfam #my main issue with fanon i think tbh is when people don’t draw a line between canon and fanon #thanks for the ask!

[catboybatman]

Hi, do you mind talking more about Alfred's mistakes? I think my annoyance with him is because people dump on Bruce's parenting skills but praise the guy who raised him.

This ask has been here forever im so sorry i just couldnt find the moment but! Lucky for you i ranted in the groupchat:

Reasons i dont like alfred pennyworth:

Reason 1: fans over use him constantly. He is perfect, he is god etc. It just annoys me lol. Especially because he is not which brings me to reason 2:

he is a very flawed parental figure/guardian to bruce. He was in control. He could have send him to therapy but he didnt. And dont give me that "oh but bruce didnt want to-" bruv he was like 9 i doubt he even knew what therapy was.

He has been very neglectful both emotionally and just parental. Like Bruce didnt get into fights constantly because alfred was such a kind and perfect father. He is shown to only give attention when bruce does wrong, which causes behavior like that.

Bruce didnt want to put himself in electro shock therapy because he had such a great childhood. In fact i think that alfreds neglect and focus on bad behavior are the reason bruce is so emotionally constipated. Its because alfred is too.

And then! And this is why i hate him rather than dislike- he proceeds to shame Bruce for being like that. He makes sassy comments about bruce about how he needs therapy about how he is this and that. Like bro that your fault?? Act right pls

And tying reason 1 and 2 together we get all the fics and incorrect quotes and etc where alfred is the saint while bruce is the silly/stupid/evil/weird one. For example: a post from a beloved friend of mine: @frostbittenbucky , the one where bruce doenst notice his kids symptoms bc to him they are normal? See how alfred is like: mhm its bc you're neurodivergent something something, and its just alf vaguely shaming bruce for not noticing his kids are ND because he doesnt know he is ND. And why is that? Its bc alfred didnt get his ass diagnosed, or to therapy. Like bro?? Are you really surprised??? Are you shaming him for not knowing something he could have known if you pulled your head out of your ass?? (No hate to you bestie ily, its a good and funny post its just an example i trust most people will know)

Reason 3: you know how alfred is a good parental figure to the batkids but not bruce? How he is present in their lives but wasnt in bruces? Ya whats up with that

Reason 4: hes british

Conclusion: a lot of bruces and his kids struggles could have been avoided/minimalized if he just payed attention to the kid he had to take care of

#alf slander #feels good to use that tag again #catsy has opinions

[ellana-ravenwood]

Batbrats - Batfam x Fem!Reader (featuring Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy)

Synopsis : Oh no, the Joker is after your life again, this is sooOOoo unexpected...When you get picked up from your work by one Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, you can’t really say you’re surprised. You’ve lived in Gotham all your life. And Batman is your husband. This is not the weirdest thing that happened. Although you do have to admit that Harley and Ivy actually SAVING you because Bruce asked them, is rather novel. And finding yourself suddenly talking about your respective domestic life with them ? Definitely new. Never a boring day in Gotham, right ?

The word “Batbrat” came to my mind while looking at comics where the batkids are being little smartasses, and it made me think of something Harley Quinn would say...And here we are. I hope you will like it :) : 

My masterlists : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

“Funny how life goes hu, Batsy ?” 

Bruce had to admit, this was an unusual situation. Although not unforeseen given the past few years. But it was odd, and a little funny, that The Batman was now standing in front of two of his fiercest (ex-)enemies, asking for their help. 

To their defense, Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy really turned their lives around, ever since Ivy helped Harley escape the Joker’s grasp. Helped her open her eyes to how toxic the relationship was, to say the least. Ironic, right, that the actual poisoned person would help you realize you’re surrounded by toxicity ? 

Turned their lives around, yes, but they were still up to lots of mischief. And Bruce encountered them many times since they stopped being “full time villains”, but extreme problems required extreme solutions, really.

“Yes. Funny.” 

“Oh come ooooon, say it with a little more liveliness ! The situation is really funny !” 

Silence. Bruce is trying to stay patient,  because this is really important. But inside, he’s screaming, and panicking a little. There is no time to be wasted ! So he says : 

“I guess it is funny.”

“Yet no smile.” 

“Smiling is more of his thing, is it not ?”

“Wow, hey ! If you want us to help, be nice !” 

Damn it, he probably shouldn’t have referred to Joker in front of Harley in that way, it wasn’t on purpose. Really. 

“Please, we don’t have much time. My wife-” 

“You asking us for help is a first.” 

“It is.”

Dealing with someone like Harley Quinn requires patience. And Bruce, even in the worst moments, can be patient if needed. 

“Rumors say you don’t even ask Superman for help.” 

“I most definitely don’t ask Superman for help.” 

“But he’s your friend, right ?” 

“...”

“He’s not ?” 

“...Yes. Yes he’s my friend.” 

“So we’re like, your best friends if you ask our help.” 

“More like my only option.” 

“That’s rude.” 

“Truth hurts.” 

“Haha, that’s true ! I know that !” 

“So, are you going to help me or not ?”

Harley and Ivy pretend to ponder for a second, before saying : 

“Of course, we’re going to help. Especially if it’s to help against him...”

“Yes. We’ll protect your wife from the creep.” 

“Thank you.” 

They could not see Bruce’s eyes, but they knew. They knew he was genuinely grateful and a big weight had been lifted off of his chest.

When he came to them, half an hour ago, and explained the situation, it took them a little while to understand he was asking them to help him. But then it all made sense, right ? Who, more than Harley Quinn would want to stop the Joker from hurting more people ? 

Neither Harley nor Ivy were “the good guys”. But as Harley managed to escape Joker’s emprise on her, and as Ivy realized there were more efficient ways to save the planet than what she did up until know, they sort of became “anti-heroes”, and known in Gotham to be the people you went to when you didn’t know to whom else you could turn. 

They gladly helped lost children and distressed women. And sort of became an actual living nightmare for any abusive men in their vicinity. A polarizing topic really. They were doing good, but their methods were too violent and...

Were they really that different from Bruce ? Yes. Yes of course they were. They were still Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, they weren’t “fighting” for the same ideals your husband had. However, mindless mayhem and destruction was not their thing. 

And when The Batman himself asked them to save his wife from the Joker, could they really say no ? 

“Careful, she has a mean right hook.” 

Bruce says, with a small smirk, and then he hurries off to join his kids. They have a clown to catch. 

************

“Did he just smile ?” 

“He did.” 

“Damn, what is this woman ?” 

“Probably a witch, we should be careful when picking her up.” 

“Yes, careful of the right hook too.” 

“Alright, let’s go. I guess we sort of own it to him..”  

They were helping him, because he helped them first... Contrary to popular belief, The Batman wasn’t just a violent, cold and unforgivable vigilante. He was one of the only person who took into account Harley’s mental illnesses, or Ivy’s deeper message...He did not agree with them, of course not, he was one of the “good guy” and would never derive from this “code” he settled for himself. But he genuinely understood. 

Harley bet that nobody ever noticed that he never attacked first, unless there was a hostage situation. That he tried to understand those he stopped, especially when they suffered from the mind, like Harley, or Scarface, or his former friend, Two-Face... 

Batman wasn’t who everyone thought he was. Harley and Ivy knew. Which is why they accepted to help him, and to go put his wife in safety. 

“Don’t worry, we’re here to rescue you. Mm ? Oh, ignore the gun, it’s not for you, sorry ‘bout that haha” 

Could they really blame you, when your first reflex as they suddenly appeared before you when you were leaving work, was to clock them in the face and run ? 

No. No of course they couldn’t. Neither Harley nor Ivy had really a good reputation, even now. Only in Gotham’s slums, did they start to know they weren’t villains anymore. 

Plus, you were Batman’s wife (something that of course, nobody in Gotham knew, except a few people who figured out...like Harley, although it was a total accident, years ago, that revealed the truth to her). 

So no, they can't really blame you. They catch to you, thankfully, before you go out in the streets of Gotham, and after quite a big struggle, manage to imobilize you and show a video of your husband. You instantly calm down, intrigued : 

“Hello my love, I am sorry I did not send you any messages prior to Harley and Pamela’s arrival, everything happened very fast. The Joker escaped after coercing some guards at Arkham Asylum, and threatened to take you again. I had to think fast, because he was going to act fast.” 

Bruce goes on to explain the situation quickly, however it’s obvious you’re still on edge and don’t quite believe things. It is easy, after all, to fake a video...And in your mind, Harley was close to the Joker. What if this is a trap ? 

 “By the way this is really me. I know you must be on edge, and untrusting, and that’s great by the way. Keep at it. But it’s really me. my proof ? Your weakness is when I  V-R-Y-A-T-W-A-T-T-C-O-Y-S you.” 

Your entire face feels warms, as you understand instantly what he’s talking about, while Harley and Ivy looks curiously at you. How dare. How dare he says such a thing on camera like that ?? Of course, not many people could understand but you, you-

“What ? Is that an acronym or something ? What the hell, and you guys call us mentally disturbed, how do you even know what the letters mean ?”

“I don’t !”

“You sure ? Cause you look hella embarrassed...Come on, tell us, what did he say ? Was it naughty naughty ?” 

“Nothing ! It’s nothing !” 

In a second, you are relaxed, and as they keep teasing you and trying to get you to talk, your odd journey of the day is starting.

************

“Sorry for the punch.” 

“It’s ok, I guess you couldn’t know we were on the good sides this time. Whatever it means. Spoiler alert : it doesn’t mean we’re good now. We just want the Joker neutralized as much as your family does. Without killing him...” 

Ah. It kind of hurts your heart, to be honest, to see how fiercely she does seem to want to stop her ex-partner in crime, yet without killing him. 

“Killing him is too nice. Arkham drives him nuts, he hates it there, it’s a good punishment.” 

Ah. Right. Probably. But you can’t help thinking about how hard it must be on Harley, after all she went through. All the thing HE put her through. 

You should feel wary of her, after all she was there when he once kidnapped you (A/N : reference to this story : “You’re mister J’s new obsession, Sugar”), but you can’t. Because you know how manipulated she was, and you know the real villain is him. She doesn’t even seem to recall this episode, she shows no sign of it at least. You do know certain people block memories out of their head, to protect themselves...

After all, if Harley Quinn was truly a bad person, she wouldn’t be helping you right now, right ? 

“Do not worry, we are not going to hurt you. I think Batman would hunt us to the end of the World, if we touched even one hair of your head.” 

“Oooh Batsy, he’s suuuuuuper in love with you, it’s disgusting, tooth rotting, and I hate the dentist. We really won’t harm you, you know.” 

You nod, still a bit unsure, until something suddenly hits you...

“Where are the children ??” 

“Oh don’t worry, Batsy’s taking care of the brats. They were with him when we left.” 

You release a sigh of relief. Of course, them being with Bruce meant that they were actively going after the Joker...But it’s not like anyone could stop them. They were all rather stubborn. And you trusted them. You trusted Bruce. You knew he’d keep them safe, and in control of their emotions. He was good, at keeping them grounded during important missions... 

Of course, it didn’t mean you weren’t worried as hell. For all of them. 

“You’re not saying anything ?”

“Mm ? Sorry ? About what ?”

“Me calling your kids “brats” ?” 

“Oh, no. I mean. They can definitely be brats.” 

“Wow. I’ve seen you with them, and defending them, I’d never think you’d ever say they’re brats...” 

Harley is genuinely surprised. You guessed she was judging out of the few encounters she had with all of you reunited, but also by all of Gotham’s tabloids picturing y’all as a “perfect family”. 

“They’re not brats like people can think they are. They never ask us for material things they don’t need, they’re not spoiled and they are well behaved...But everyone has bad days.” 

“That is true.” 

“My children are amazing, and they’re not like other children for sure. You know I’m not just saying that because they’re my kids, they are really...different. But they’re not perfect. Just like every kid, they can throw tantrums. Or get frustrated with us. Get really bratty, really. I don’t think it’s that bad. I don’t actually mind that much, it’s proof they are still children, you know ?” 

“I don’t really understand...��� 

“Well. They don’t have a “normal” life, what with being vigilantes and all. There’s  a lot of times I wonder if...They’re ok, because they do miss out on being just regular kids you know ? So. When they act like a brat, like kids do sometimes...I don’t mind at all.” 

“That’s actually such an adorable thing to say. You’re adorable. Ivy, can we keep her ?” 

“It’s his wife, I don’t think he’ll let us. I don’t think she would want to either, right ?”

They both turn to you, and you can see they’re asking an actual serious question. 

“Oh um...Sorry, when this is over I definitely want to go back to my family.” 

Harley is visibly disappointed, and you’re not sure how to feel about this. But then she says :

“Well, tell us then.” 

“Tell you what ?” 

“About your brats ! We only know them as serious boring vigilantes who tell us “no” while we say “yes” ya know ? So tell us, tell us how they really are !” 

“I’m not su-”

“If you’re worried about what Bruce will say, don't worry, we won’t tell him. Not like we can use your kids’ bratty behavior against you anyway. And we have no intention to harm any of you. Batman...has been good to us.” 

Yes. Yes he has. You know he has. He’s always had a soft spot for those who were victims, and became “bad”. That’s why he particularly despised the Joker. He stood for nothing, he had no background that could explain his evilness...he just was. The absolute perfect villain, irredeemable. Someone he would stop at all cost. Someone he would have no qualms using brute force against. It wasn’t the case with every “villain”. This was a common misconception about your husband. He wasn’t just a violent vigilante...But that was another story. 

“Alright. Well, I guess the most logical thing to do is to start chronologically. See, none of my children are actual brats. They do have moments, however, when they act like perfect little  brats...”  

DICK 

“I think Dick must’ve been the brattiest.” 

“Really ? Nightwing ?” 

You nod. There’s a fleeting thought in your mind that tells you you shouldn’t say your son’s real name, but then you’re reminded that they know who you all are. And never did anything to harm any of you. 

“Yes. I know, when you look at all of them he’d probably be your last guess because of how happy-go-lucky he is, and calm and nice and such. But oh boy, sometimes...” 

Dick was 8, when he entered yours and Bruce’s life. It was not that long after your relationship with Bruce became serious, and it was a lot at the same time. Neither of you were experienced with kids, and Dick was traumatized by his parents’ death. 

It really hasn’t been easy, in the beginning...Oh, but this isn’t a story about how little Dickiebird came to be one of the brightest sun in your lives, and how tough the first few years were. No. This is a story about how, like every child, he behaved like a little brat, sometimes. You smile at Ivy and Harley, as they’re unaware of the little walk on memory lane you just took, and tell them :

“You know how many chandeliers we had to change when he was little ? Oh my god he used to jump from the BANISTERS onto the chandelier in the foyer exactly when I’d walk in just to freak me out. Then he’d laugh, and always threw me into panic mode when I could see the chandelier slowly unscrewing. He did that EVERY SINGLE TIME he was upset we told him no and such.” 

“Upset you told him no ? What a brat !” 

“I’m not going to say he wasn’t a brat at times, but he was a good kid. Dick just always had...trouble, when he was younger, at dealing with his anger. Now, it’s very rare that he gets angry, but my oh my when he does I really wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of it !” 

Not that you ever were. When he was a child you would sometimes endure the brunt of his frustrations because he was not yet mature enough to truly control himself, now as an adult, he would only get very mad when someone would hurt a loved one, and of course it was never you. 

But this wasn’t the point here. No. Right now, you were talking about how Dick and his often reckless behavior made you think : “brat !” about him a few times. 

“Dick has always had particular ways of...being purposefully annoying. Sometimes to see how far he could push us, sometimes just because well, he could be a little brat. For example, when we’d stay too late in bed, and he was annoyed at that because he wanted to see us, he’d barge in our room, plunger in hand, and I kid you not, would jump on our bed, get some height, use that damn acrobat training he had since he was born, and stick himself to the ceiling with the plunger ??? How did he even had such an idea ?? And he’d really stick up there, just hang above us telling us it was time to wake up, or just giggling, and then Bruce would have to stand up on the bed to get him down safely, and well, we’d have to wake up. You wouldn’t believe the amount of rings on the ceiling he made. We had the repaint it at least twice.”

“No way !”

“Wayy ! To this day, you can’t find any plunger in Wayne Manor. Well, you can, but they’re all hidden under Alfred’s bed because Alfred’s room is the only place none of the kids dare to go in...” 

“Oh so they barge into your room easy, but no in the butler’s room.” 

You nod, smiling. Not feeling like going into long explanations about how Alfred is much more than just a butler, but knowing where you stand on the matter nonetheless.  

“Dick used to drive us crazy, he would have such...creative ideas to show us he was upset about something. He didn’t have that many tantrums. Or rather, his tantrums translated in us having to run after him in the most crowded places in Gotham, while that little brat would parkour his way through easily...Brr, those were NOT good times.” 

“I never knew Nightwing was such a difficult child.” 

“Oh don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t. Not really. But he had his moment. And believe me, out of all of my kids, he’s probably the most stubborn one, and you really don’t want to get on his bad side.” 

“That’s such a funny thing to think about. The Batman himself trying to get a kid who’s hanging from a plunger.” 

“You’d be surprised about what’s really going on in our family haha.” 

“I bet we would. I mean. To be honest, I always felt like there was more to the bat than what he let on, if only for all the time he showed me kindness when I probably didn’t deserve it.” 

Ivy said, thoughtful. And how ironic again, right, that someone known as a “villain” would be one of the few people who didn’t stop themselves at their first impression of your husband ? 

You smile, actually quite liking the idea that even people who fell on his wrong side still saw kindness in him. You knew him the best, of course. Along with Alfred. And you knew why he really did all this. That kicking some people’s asses was definitely not his motivation. 

It was nice, to realize that Ivy actually thought rather highly of your husband. And that Harley did too, because he always took into consideration their mental illnesses and inner troubles. 

It was nice, that once again, talking about your children and their relationship to their dad helped others to see that “the big bad bat”, was just a man after all. 

JASON 

“Contrary to popular belief, Jason was a very sweet child. He never even talked back ? When he got frustrated, he would go to his room, not saying a word, wouldn’t even slam his door, and then come apologize for his behavior...” 

“Are we both talking about Red Hood right now ?” 

“Yes, well he wasn’t always Red Hood now, was he ?” 

Harley feels the weight of your eyes on her, and for a second, an old anger you thought was forgotten rises in you when you think about all the things your son went through because of...because of...Because of the Joker. 

It wasn’t Harley, that took your baby away. It wasn’t her who used him to hurt your husband so deep he fell in a dark well again for years. It wasn’t her. She wasn’t even with the Joker, at that time. 

You sigh, and say : 

“Jason was a little street urchin, as some say. He learned how to survive in the streets, not to live. He had no idea what it was like to be taken care of. So when we took him in, and after his suspicions passed...He never acted out. Never. He absolutely worshipped his dad, and took everything I said as gospel. That’s probably why, when we didn’t avenge him he...” 

“You don’t have to continue about this.” 

“Thank you.” 

“It’s ok, I understand. So. Red h-Jason, wasn’t a brat at all was he ?” 

“Really, no. I honestly can’t recall a time he acted like a brat when he was little. Oh, of course there was that time he stole Bruce’s favorite lambo and went on a rodeo through Gotham because he thought we were going to give him up...He was 9.” 

“He knew how to drive at 9 ??” 

“He knew how to neutralize a man three times his size at 9.”

“Oh, right, sorry, forgot I was talking about your family.“

“It happens.” 

“So...What happened ?” 

“Ah, yes. Well you see, he got himself in danger stupidly during a night out, so Bruce got mad. Madder than he should’ve. He yelled, instead of explaining. Can’t blame him though, he really was shaken up. But in Jason’s mind, yelling equated to him soon being thrown away like garbage. Every time someone yelled at him, or around him, in his life prior to him being with us...he ended up abandoned. All alone. So...” 

“So he thought you were going to give him up ? But that’s so silly, it was just a bit of yelling ?” 

“You have to understand the way Jason grew up. To him, and his past traumas, it was more than just a bit of yelling. So he decided to leave before we told him we didn’t want him anymore...Can you imagine how heartbreaking a decision it was ? I don’t even know now that I’m telling the story, that this is really bratty behavior. Well. He did keep going even as Bruce chased him with the Batmobile, and he only stopped when he ran out of gas. Then he ran away, as fast he could. It took Bruce a while to catch up to him. And when he finally did, Jason didn’t make it easy. He fought back, yelling that he “didn’t want to hear it”. Once we understood what he was talking about, of course, we reassured him. And he calmed down. He fell asleep in Bruce’s arms as he brought him home. We never yelled at him again after that...Not even when he became the Red Hood, and wouldn’t listen to us.” 

There’s a slight pause, an awkward one, a heavy one. Every one in the room knows what happened to your son...You do not want to dwell on this today. Not anymore. Not as you finally got your baby back, and just like he used to be, there’s not one “bratty” blood in his body.

“Rather boring I guess, a child who isn’t a brat at all haha. It’s easily explanable by how he grew up. He never wanted to disappoint us. I guess...He had more bratty behavior once he came back ? I...”

“You don’t have to talk about it.” 

“Right. Well. Let me continue, then.” 

“Go ahead, we’re listening.” 

TIM

“Tim came shortly after Jason’s death. And when his own parents died and we officially adopted him, I must admit the beginning of his education might’ve been too full of extremes. On one hand, we’d never tell him “no” if he wanted something material or to do something not dangerous, on the other Bruce was extremely strict with him when he was Robin, even a little overbearing at times...You have to understand, we had just lost a son. We couldn’t bear to lose another one. We sheltered him a little too much, maybe, while spoiling him a lot. Not rotten though. But that is, thankfully, because Tim isn’t a bad kid. He grew up in a wealthy environment. He always had whatever he wanted, but his parents’ attention...So he craved ours a lot. And that’s maybe why sometimes he’d um...” 

Silence. How could you put what Tim did without making yourself pass as a terrible parent ? 

“He’d what ?” 

“Tim had the bad habit of...sort of running away.” 

“Sort of ?” 

“Yes. He wasn’t really running away. He was going on “adventures” without telling us...” 

“Oh, like a dog ? Like you know how certain dogs escape from their home’s garden when their owner go to work, and then come back before they do ?” 

The analogy is special, comparing your child to a dog but...Harley isn’t wrong. Tim’s behavior was quite like that. 

“The worst thing is that when he’d come back, he would really pretend like nothing happened. He’d just go off to look up on a case on his own, or because he suddenly wanted ice cream and went by himself. I think he was too used to do things on his own, as his parents weren’t very present and never really took care of him. It would make Bruce mad though, mad with worries. And then when Tim would come back, they’d get into stupid fights about it...” 

Reminiscing of your husband during that time always hurt your heart. He was so afraid to loose more than what he already lost...

“It never deterred Tim to go off on his own though, oh no. On the contrary, he’d take great pleasure in bypassing Bruce’s security systems, and nag him about how easy it’d been, before leaving. That’s the bratty thing about it, I guess, how he’d sometimes would just act like anyway, we can’t stop him.” 

It was frustrating, especially because you both knew Tim could be very reckless. It was also frustrating, and made you feel bad about yourself, that your own child would just decide to not listen and...Ah. But Dick did do this sort of things too, didn’t he ? You were just too used to Jason and...Jason and...

You didn’t want to think further about that time. 

“Eventually, we did realize that his behavior was directly our fault. How could he understand our point of view if 1) we never explained to him why we did what we did, and 2) we’d tell him “yes” for everything except when it was related to his Robin duties ? Of course it was confusing for a ten years old boy eager to help. To be honest, most kids acting like “brats” are often like that because of the parents. Once we figured that out, well, we had a talk with him.” 

“And did he understand your point of view ?” 

“Tim is the smartest boy I ever met. He definitely understood. And that was our mistake really, to not take the time to explain things to him. Don’t get me wrong, even now he sometimes goes off by himself and LOVES to drive his father crazy by bypassing any security he settles, but it’s just...Well, it’s just because he’s a brat. He understands our view, and never pushes it too far. But he does like to push our buttons...Smart ass.” 

CASSANDRA

"Hey, what about your daughter ? I don’t know her name, sorry.” 

“Cassandra.” 

“Aah, that’s a cute name. Well, is she more well behaved than your boys then ? Girls are often calmer and more mature.” 

You burst out laughing at Ivy’s statements. Yes, that is true that Cassandra matured faster than her brothers. But oh boy, “calmer” ? Cass ? Well. You could see why some people thought that, after all, she didn’t speak a lot. But ah, when she was upset with you or Bruce ? 

Cass was sneaky. A little salt in your coffee because you didn’t let her do something she really wanted to. Or hiding one of your shoe. 

You knew when she wasn’t happy with one of your decision. She’d stare at you from one side of the room, and whenever you’d look at her she’d turn her head away, nose up in the air, pretending you don’t exist. 

It didn’t happen often, to be fair. Most of the time she’d try to view things from your perspective, and understand your decision. But sometimes..Sometimes...Well, she was a teenager. 

Kids didn’t always understand their parents’ decisions, especially regarding their lives. Sometimes, it feels like they just don’t get you and are trying to control you, even if they’re not. Being a teen is tough. Being a vigilante teen is tougher. Getting frustrated was normal. 

But Cassandra had trouble expressing herself with words. She spoke nowadays, but she didn’t always find the right words when it came to explaining her feelings. So she’d do other things, to let you understand. 

Just like how she said “I love you” in millions different little ways that were her own...She also was able to say : “I’m annoyed with you” very well. 

It was by her action, and not her words, that she truly could be a brat. The way she’d ignore you, or be a pain on purpose. 

“Once, I told her she couldn’t go with Jason to I-don’t-even-remember-where-but-it-was-definitely-not-a-place-for-her, and for a week she didn’t even look at me. She made a spectacle of talking lots to her brothers, more than usual, and wouldn’t utter a word to me. Gotta admit, it hurts a bit. But I guess ya know, kids don’t always realize that. She apologized later on, but that’s not the question. Sometimes you just don’t see you’re hurting the person.” 

“That’s true. I know that all too well...” 

Harley says, looking at Ivy and then down. Ivy puts her hand on her shoulder, and squeeze it, and it’s quite an adorable sight to see. 

It feels like them too, have their own family. It sort of reminds you of Bruce and you, the early years, to be honest. 

“You know, my daughter, Cass, I can’t be mad at her in those moments. I too was a frustrated teenager who did things to my parents, my brothers, I still regret to this day. I wish I could go back and not be a little shit, ya know ? I understand her. I understand sometimes, you have to lash out. And honestly, what she does is nothing compared to what I already did...Everyone needs to vent. We’re not perfect. And..No matter how big our mistake, we all deserve redemption.” 

They know you’re talking about them now, and not about your daughter. Although they can’t know that Cass’ had been force as a child to be a weapon, and did things she dearly regrets. 

And that’s it. That’s why you find yourself able to “forgive” Harley and Ivy for their past actions. Obviously, they already changed quite a bit. But also...Jason, Cass, and Damian...They all did things they regret. They all went through so much, and have been on the “dark side”. 

They deserved redemption. To be given a chance. 

Jason, Cass...And Damian. 

Your little Damian, a paragon of what the word “redemption” means. 

DAMIAN

Damian is not a brat in the way you think he’s a brat. 

Sure, if you don’t know him he can appear too sure of himself, full of himself even. Someone who looks down on people. But...people who think that just don’t know him very well. 

No. Damian was only truly an actual brat when it was related to animals. 

“One time, I said “no we can’t take another cat my little buddy”, because like, we already had like, 17 cats roaming around the mansion and the gardens, as Damian has a tendency to just bring in any strays he finds. You know what he did ? He went to a near puddle. Like a very, very muddy puddle...And he just started to jump in it, and roll in it, until I said ok, we can take another cat in...Brat.” 

“You caved ?” 

“I caved. He was so dirty !” 

“Hahaha, that’s an hilarious thing to think about really.” 

“Not the worst occurrence of this. Once, he wanted to free the tigers at Gotham zoo because he thought their enclosure wasn’t good enough. I told him he couldn’t do that, of course, and I was going to add that we’d look into it but...Next thing I know, he tells me : “Watch me”, and disappears in the crowd. I was like : “WELL I CAN’T WATCH YOU IF YOU JUST GO OFF LIKE THAT !!”. First, it’s already scary when you loose your kid in a crow, even if granted, if anyone tried to kidnap Damian, they’d be the one in trouble. But still. And second, we were just talking about how he wanted to set some tigers free !! Fast forward not even fifteen minutes of me frantically looking everywhere while calling Bruce on the phone and trying to explain the situation, I see Damian, wearing his Robin costume, mounted on one of the tiger, and leading the other two away out of the zoo...” 

“What the hell ?? What happened next ??” Harley was absolutely entranced in your story. You saw her nodding away as she was definitely agreeing that those tigers needed to be free...And you sort of recall her having hyenas as pets ? 

“Well, I get home ok ? Because I know that boy brought those tigers to our garden, just like he does with all those stray cats. And yes, I come home and here he is, eating cookies and drinking milk, saying the tigers need a real home, as said tigers are chilling in our garden ???” 

“What did you do with the tigers ??” 

“Damian convinced us to start a case against Gotham zoo and...Turned out he was right, there was some malpractice. The tigers were relocated in a reserve of one of our friend. And Gotham zoo was entirely remade by one of the Wayne Foundation. So I guess it ended well.”

“That kid isn’t a brat, he’s an icon.” 

“Yes well, he didn’t listen to me at all.”

“But he saved those tigers. And a few other animals.” 

“Harleyyyy ! That’s not the point !” 

“Did you punish him ?” 

Small silence. You look at them. They look at you. Then you turn away and say : 

“Of course I didn’t, it was epic.” 

Cue some laughter, of course. Aaah. It was HARD to raise children, especially when they were such smartasses ! 

“But honestly, Damian is a sweet child. He does definitely totally ignore his father sometimes, but he always listens to me. The only times he doesn’t, and act like a proper brat, is when animals are involved. I’m not even going to tell you the time he almost brought home a dragon from Apokolips...” 

“What ?? You have to tell us now !” 

“Oh, You want me to tell you ? Alright then, well see, we were on...” 

There were dozens and dozens of stories about Damian acting like a “brat” and trying to convince you to bring more pets (with you rarely winning the arguments, because he’d throw genuine tantrum acting like the 10 years old he actually was). 

You loved those stories. Of course, you’d get frustrated that your son wouldn’t listen...But it was proof he was still just a little kid. Your little kid.

Talking about him to Harley and Ivy was oddly nice, as if they’d been your friends since forever. They didn’t invalidate you, they didn’t tell you you were a bad mother for succumbing to your kids’ tantrums sometimes (to be fair, your kids knew not to push you too much either, your glares were rather effective), and they were eagerly listening.  

It was nice, to see someone actually interested in the mundane side of your life. Granted, stealing tigers from a zoo wasn’t THAT mundane, but ah, your children acting out sometimes...It was normal. 

And it felt nice. As odd as it might sound. 

DUKE

Duke was already 15, when he came to live with your family. And his parents were still alive, as well, which made the dynamic between you and him different. He was distant, at first, reminding you every chance he got that he’d leave as soon as his parents would feel better. 

And those few first weeks, when he was lost and unsure he even wanted to stay with you at the Manor...It wasn't “bratty behavior”. Just like Dick who missed his parents, or Jason who was afraid you’d leave him, he would act out sometimes. Out of pain. Out of frustration at not understanding his own feelings, and being so full of conflicted ones. 

On one hand, you gave him a home and made it so that he wouldn’t be lost in the system. On the other, he wanted his mom and dad. 

Yes. At first, it was tough. But as time went on, and with your care, and making him understand that it was ok to be angry...He truly opened up. 

His behavior the first few days, wasn’t “bratty”. It was a behavior born from trauma and pain, and being scared. 

“He did got me arrested once though, I admit that day I wasn’t too happy and might’ve thought he was a brat...” 

“He did what ?” 

Both Harley and Ivy were absolutely glued to your stories, and you definitely had a way to tell them. To keep them on edge, wondering what would come next. Like right now. What did Duke did, that got you arrested ? 

“Well. He pretended I kidnapped him. I didn’t have the official papers that said he was our ward with me, and that little one is an amazing actor. I got put behind bars, and then they called social services. The mix up was cleared up fast, as Bruce arrived. But ya know, it wasn’t a good experience. If only to witness the utter incompetence of Gotham’s police.” 

“Tell me about it, they never even once caught us. Not without Batman’s assistance of course.” 

“That’s a wild story honestly...What did Duke do, after that ? What did you do ?” 

“Honestly ? It was obvious he felt extremely bad about what he did. When Bruce asked him why he did it, he answered that he didn’t even know. And we believed him. Sometimes, when you’re in too much pain, you do things without really knowing why. After that, actually, things greatly improved. He talked to us. And he never once did anything like that again.” 

Duke wasn’t a brat at all. Well, none of your kids were. But Duke, even with his own parents, was always a calm obedient kid. With a normal life... 

The times he acted out with you, you knew it was a cry for help. And you knew you guys put that new life on him. You, and what the Joker did to his parents. Everything always lead back to the Joker...

“You have a nice family.”

“Thank you for telling us all that.”

“No problemo.” 

“You managed to make me simultaneously want, and not want kids !”

“Aaah, you just summarized the life of a parent haha !” 

Who would’ve thought ? Who would’ve thought that one day, you’d be sitting comfortably in an armchair in one of Gotham’s most famous “villain’s” lair ? They had a nice loft, to be honest. You had no idea where it was, but you heard the sea not far so probably somewhere in East Gotham. 

This was nice. It was odd because you were talking to Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, but it was nice. To talk about your children, and how sometimes...they did act like children. 

It was easy to forget, even for you, that they were just kids. So this was nice. A nice reminder, that them acting like brats is actually good. 

Everyone needs to vent their emotions, ya know ? 

Plus, there is so many good moments with them... (A/N : aka, literally all my stories with the Batfam haha) 

“I envy your family a bit.” 

“You do ?” 

“Yes. When Batman came to ask us for help, I saw it. And I see it now too, as you tell us those stories. You guys aren’t perfect, but you really do love each others very much.”

“Ah, yet another great summary made by Harley Quinn...” 

“Well you know, I was a psychiatrist after all.” 

You smile gently at her, wondering if maybe one day, she’ll tell you her story. How come she ended up under Joker’s manipulation ? What happened to her, and what were her aspirations ? 

“To be honest I admire you, I don’t think I could handle someone like Batman on a daily basis !” 

“Hahahahaha, if I had a dollar every time someone told me that ! But hey, it’s cause nobody quite knows him like I do...Which makes me think, wanna hear one last story ?” 

“Of course !” 

BRUCE

“You know what’s funny ? I just thought of it right now. The brattiest of them all isn’t even one of the kids. It’s Bruce. Man. He can be SUCH a brat !”

You say, rising up slightly in your seat. Ivy chuckles and says : 

“Oh I believe that.”

“He can be so broody for no reasons.”

Both of your new girl friends nod. They definitely noticed he brooded a lot. And never smiled. And he had a bad tendency of telling them to “stop” doing something when they were having such fun... 

“Like, once, I forgot to kiss him goodbye before work ok ? Well he pouted all day about it. Our two years old son Thomas had the same reaction, when I got home he was all like : “Mommy left with not kissy !” except, you know...He’s two.” 

“Wait, I wasn’t expecting that.” Ivy says, while Harley add : “I thought you were going to talk about how cold, harsh and all he was.” 

“Oh, he was in the beginning, it didn’t last that long...you know, everyone needs someone to be themselves with. He’s not cold with me at all. Really, no, more like...Well. He can be a brat, actually. Ok, there that one time I lost too much at Uno and threatened to divorce him, but he can be much worst !”

“U-Uno ?” 

“Yes. Long story. Not worth mentioning, right now we’re talking about how BRUCE is a brat. You know, he pouts soooo easily. Not in public, but when it’s just the two of us. Oh boy. He’s also super jealous. But that’s another story. You know, he does get moody when he doesn’t get his way ? Like he wants to watch this movie, but we all wanna watch something else ? Well boom, he acts like a brat. This kind of thing you know ?” 

“Batman is...a brat ?”

“Ah yes ! And you should listen to Alfred’s stories of him as a child. An actual genuine brat !”

You’re about to keep going with your stories, when you realize both Ivy and Harley look at you with their mouth open, as if their brain just melted. And...Well, you understand. After all, it must’ve been quite a surprise, for them to learn that the big bad bat was a brat. 

Come to think of it, yeah, you’re probably the only one in the world that would call The Batman, a “brat”. Batbrat. Haha. 

(A/N : If you have no idea who Thomas is, he appears in those stories : . Not writing a part with him because it was really getting too long, but imagine some toddler shenanigans haha). 

Always here 

Jason is the first to arrive at Harley and Ivy’s hideout. He rushes to you immediately, asking if you’re alright. 

“Yes, didn’t even see that damn clown. Harley and Ivy picked me right up.” 

“I’m glad.”

“Where are your brothers ? And your dad ?” 

“Coming soon. They wrapped things up. We caught him, of course. He’s becoming sort of predictable, in his unpredictability. I just didn’t want to participate more, so I came to get you. We’re regrouping home.” 

Relief. 

It’s a relief to know this is already done. Although it’s almost suspicious, it went so fast...Oh well, you’ll think about it later. Maybe it’s true, that he became too predictable ? Your guts tell you he might’ve had an ulterior motive, but you ignore them. No. Not now. Now, it’s time to go home. 

You don’t go home, of course, without telling goodbye to your new friends. 

Your son waits for you a little further, eying both of them suspiciously. Especially as Harley takes a step towards you and says : 

“Listen, I'll go quick because I know your kiddo over there hate me but...Thank you. For telling us stories and reminding us we’re human, too. I hope our path will cross again.” 

You nod. You hope so too, in a better situation than : “we’re protecting you from being killed by a maniac”, hopefully. You’re about to leave, when your son stops, and turns around, saying : 

“I don’t hate you. The Joker used you, he mentally manipulated you and ruined your life. You’re not responsible for what happened to me. That doesn’t mean, by the way, that all your actions are forgiven. But it does explain and excuse some things...and everyone is allowed to have their redemption arc. I would know. Plus. Again. He gaslighted you for years, and manipulated you.” 

His words shook Harley to her core. Except for Ivy, and maybe Bruce, nobody ever gave her a chance like that...Nobody...

You’re so proud. Oh. You’re so proud. You can’t even say anything, you hold him in your arms, and as you leave, you see Harley, crying in Ivy’s arms... 

************

Home. And all together. In the end, this day was good for you. You got to vent about your kiddos, while underlining how amazing they truly are. You made new friends. You once again realized how much you loved your family...

It didn’t feel like a “Joker evasion” day. Usually, those were much more terrible, and ended terribly. But here you were. All home. 

You did notice Bruce seemed a little worried, and you felt it in your guts once more. You were sure him too, felt Joker’s plan wasn’t entirely done...But ah, there was nothing to do right now. 

So you took to distracting him, and making him enjoy this little moment right now, as you’re all in the mansion, together. 

It’s movie night. 

No vigilante duties, for anyone. It was already quite some work to catch the Joker, and usually after such a big arrest, Gotham was calm. Worst case scenario, Kate, Bruce’s cousin, was out as Batwoman. She’d take care of things, and call them for backup if need be. 

Right now, it was movie night. 

With all of your little brats. 

Aaah. 

Yes. They could be brats sometimes. Everybody had bad days, right ? 

But they were your little brats. 

And at the end of he day, they were always there for you. And vice versa. 

Your precious beloved little brats. 

EPILOGUE 

A shadowy figure is looking at your family through the back windows, standing in the dark. You’re unaware of its presence of course, trusting your home is a safe haven. Because...Nobody really knows who you really are. And your house is surrounded by security created by your husband and son. 

Someone able to bypass all your security, someone who filled your nightmares for years. Someone who wanted to make sure his suspicions were right. 

“Aaaah. So they ARE the Waynes. Interesting. Thanks Harley for the valuable informations, although maybe you didn’t give it willingly. You and I will see each other again soon enough. We’ll all, see each others soon enough. A little...family reunion, if you will.” 

Someone who isn’t done with your family...

The Joker. 

To be continued ?

_________________________________________________

Well here. I really hope you like it, and that you are not disappointed with this new story, I know it might look a little fragmented and weird, I haven’t written in ages and it felt like I didn’t know how to anymore :/. I know there’s always expectations when someone doesn’t post for a while and then comes back so..Yes, I hope you like this story born in the spur of an inspiration. As usual, feedbacks and other reblogs are more than welcomed (and thank you for going that extra mile <3).

More stories to come soon, on which I’ve been working for a while ^^. More well thought out stories if you will, and longer things (including multi-chapters stuffs because I got hella carried away). Once again, I hope this didn’t disappoint you, and thank you for reading ^^. 

#Bruce Wayne x Reader #Batman x Reader #Batfam x Reader #Batmom #Batfamily x Reader #Batfam #Batfamily #Richard Grayson x Reader #Nightwing x Reader #Bruce Wayne imagine #Jason Todd x Reader #Red Hood x reader #Robin x Reader #Damian Wayne x Reader #Red Robin x Reader #Tim Drake x reader #Cassandra Cain x Reader #Blackbat x Reader #Batgirl x Reader #Duke Thomas x Reader #Batfam x Batmom #Batman Imagine #Robin imagine #Batkids x reader #Batgirl imagine #Harley Quinn x Reader #Poison Ivy x reader #Harley Quinn imagine #Poison Ivy imagine #Fem!Reader

[zayray030]

hi again! I couldn't get over your hal/batlantern headcanons and was wondering if you could elaborate more on them?

this is pretty long, so sorry about that!

like hal's thighs getting poetically waxed about, did Bruce find out about that and get jealous? I feel like Guy and the other Lanterns Hal is close with would do it for laughs, but you could tell they were serious about it lmao

Also the one about Hal hiding the fact that he's smart from people. I feel like that would be a huge advantage on Hal's end, because he can easily trick people and take them down faster because they underestimated him?

The "uncle of the corps" one too! I feel like the Justice League had a mission out in space and their ship crash landed on Oa or any other planet, and they see how Hal is great with the humans and alien lanterns. I guess the batkids can be there as well (they probably snuck on the ship cause they were bored or something lol) and Cass (I feel like she'll be able to catch/see it faster because well assassin training...) gets the other bats attention and they see Bruce with this soft smile on his face looking at Hal interacting with the kids on Oa or the planet they're on. (I guess this ties into the one about the kids not liking Hal at first and seeing how he makes Bruce genuinely happy they start to like him?)

And finally the one about the Corps doing a deep search on Bruce when Hal told them he was dating him. How did everyone else react to that? I feel like it'll be pretty funny considering that Bruce and the other bats do the same, but I feel like the lanterns went a step up then the bats do lol

so sorry! I just had to get these out, sorry for rambling! :)

It's alright!

For his thighs I'm pretty sure that's kept away from him due to most people think that will enflate his ego and make him even more arrogant but in all honesty that man will fluster so badly because, let's be honest, heostlt just sees his face and his arms as the main aspects of himself. Knowing that people want to do soke extremely explicit things to him and his thighs will probably make him pass out due to embarrassment lmao. With Bruce I feel like he would be pretty chill. Before he used to date women who were all known for their beauty so if anything I think he would feel smug that people admire Hal's beauty bit can't have him.

Hal hiding the fact that he's smart probably helps him a lot, especially if he's like in foreign territory and they all assume he's an idiot but then two seconds later their entire base has been compromised and they need to evacuate now.

With the alien members of the corps I think they would be extremely confused. Like, before bruhal happened hal was constantly insulting Bruce and whining about how he's a dick but then suddenly they're together? And they also don't know how much of a big deal he is s0o the moment they see him it's on sight. For the human members it was a good laugh for 40 minutes until they all threatened Bruce because that it their best friend/dad

Uncle hal is honestly adorable because he gets on so well with kids and he also understands teens so all age groups like him well enough. In all honesty out of all the bat kids I think the one to like him first would have been either damian or Stephanie because with Damian he would respect his power (also the animals that hal can make with his ring) and with Stephanie because hal is a whole ass vibe sometimes and sometimes she just needs someone to vent to. She also realises how smart he is so she goes to him sometimes for advice about school

#hal jordan #batlantern #bruce wayne #damian wayne #Stephanie brown

[adiarosefandoms]

BatLantern Fic Rec

Title: Welcome to the Family

Author: ViiAo1

Platform: Archive of Our Own

Canon: Canon Divergence of DC New 52 comic storyline/DC animated movies

Time of Occurrence: After Justice Leage War

BatLantern is the ship between Green Lantern (Hal Jordan) and Batman (Bruce Wayne).

In this the Batkids find the cowl video of Bruce smiling at Hal and start investigating the man without fear. After a situation where Damian breaks into Hal’s apartment, Bruce tells them that he’s romantically invested in Hal, which then makes the kids all desperate to meet Hal and puts them on a bet of when Bruce will finally make his move. Meanwhile, Hal thinks Bruce is trying to kill him because all these kids in bird costumes keep scaring the bejesus out of him.

Now, I don’t really ship BatLantern that much, but I’ve loved almost every fic I’ve read of them. Especially if they write Hal right, which can be difficult at times when you have to balance out the flyboy style with an actual caring heart. This is one of my favorites because not only are Hal and Bruce in-character, but it involves Damian, Dick, Jason, Tim, Stephanie, Duke, Alfred, and many more. It’s funny, it’s on brand, and a very interesting concept. If you like either of these characters, I do recommend reading it. Even if you are unsure about BatLantern, the character interactions are just perfect.

#BatLantern #Batman #Green Lantern #Bruce Wayne #Hal Jordan #DC #Justice League War #Batfam #Batkids

[internalsealpanic]

Respectful Cannibalism

Summary:  Watching mystery movie with a bunch of detective was a bad idea

A/n: While this is part 3 to my Space Case series, you’re not required to read Art Gallery Smile or Cosmonauts to understand the context to this. The only note I do have is that Dick and Steph are friends with Reader much to Tim’s everlasting horror.  Special thanks to @littleredwing89 and @glorified-red for proof reading this mess.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff and a confusing amount of batkids in one scene.

Main Masterlist

Tim Drake Masterlist

Tim coughs, loud and ragged into the speaker. You find yourself wincing at the phone tucked against your ear. Tim sounds like he’s dying or, at the very least, he’s on his way there. 

“I’m so-”

“Fucking tired of saying sorry that you decided to go skinny dipping in Gotham Harbor? Yeah. Great, I’m sick of hearing it too. Glad, we’re on the same page, Space Cadet.” You exasperate, pulling on your jeans violently enough for Tim to hear the angry shuffling of fabric. 

“Skinny dipping?” Tim huffs, a fond smile playing on his lips as he drinks in the timber of your voice. Even when you were absolutely exasperated, your voice was still soothing or maybe he just misses your company. God, he’s such a sap. 

You shake your head in disbelief. That was his take away? “Yes, Timmy, Buck-ass skinny dipping,” you laugh, coming out derisive and sharp. Tim groans this time filled with guilt. The first few sounds of another ‘I’m sorry’ form in the back of his throat as he runs his hand through his bed head. For once, you’re thankful that you’re nowhere near Tim because you are one apology away from decking him and you’re pretty sure that that’s a terrible thing to do to a sick person, especially one with no brain cells to spare. 

“I- You were really looking forward to this (Y/n), don’t try to deny it.” You weren’t going to. He was right. You were looking forward to this date. You were impossibly, unreasonably giddy over the prospect of going to the planetarium with Tim this afternoon. WITH Tim. Sure, you’re pretty down about it but you were the tiniest bit more  concerned about the fact that your boyfriend had water in his lungs and almost died of hypothermia for a hot second. You pinch the bridge of your nose, hoping that worry and murder radiate off of you in equal measure.  “I was also looking forward to my letter from Hogwarts,” you sneer, pausing dramatically to look at your watch, “and it’s been roughly a decade.”  You hear Tim swallow and the hairs on your neck bristle in petty satisfaction. 

Tim chortles, a lively sound that startles you, then coughs but the sound comes out somehow sounding doubtful and teasing. Embarrassment flares up in you. “You were too!” you protest, hackles drawn to full height. A short breathy laugh leaves Tim and you feel the flush on your face ease into something softer and more rounded. All the sharpness in your veins dissipates as the flash of fondness for that stupid laugh takes over. You can imagine him warm under the covers smiling at the phone at your blunder. “Please, (y/n), my hopes were dashed when I was 4  and still not in the Jedi order.”

“Bullshit, you were never a child,”  you snort, sharpening the grin on your face into something vicious. “I refuse to believe you were ever a child! You probably sprang out of a textbook fully formed- Wait, I’m getting off-topic. ” Tim hums innocently and you narrow your eyes at the phone, hoping he can feel the ‘I am revoking your breathing privileges’ look.  “You always are.” Tim says before falling into a coughing fit. 

“Sorry, Cosmo, I just keep getting lost in your eyes,”  you whisper, pitching your voice rich and caramel smooth. There’s a sound on the other line. Tim is babbling you realize. You hear a shuffle of fabric and a body rising. Tim sucks in a breath, red-faced and caught off guard by the sudden shift in tone. He can practically see the cocky grin playing on your face, the light of the sun reflecting as golden flecks in your eyes.  “You can’t even see them!” Tim stammers, glowering at you through the phone. You cackle at him as if sensing the venomous look he’s giving you. “You can barely open them!” Tim rolls his, very much, open eyes, falling back into an unnecessarily large pile of pillows that Alfred insisted was necessary for bed rest with a loud ‘fwoof’. “Yes, I can,” Tim mumbles, sounding young for once. You do your level best to smother a grin on your face. “I’m just really drowsy from the chamomile tea Alfie gave me.” You stop dead in your tracks, one hand half in your coat the other on the doorknob. You blink. “You’re at the Manor?”

Tim pauses, making a frustrated noise. He shouldn’t have said that.  “Dick and B… insisted.” This draws another one of your sharp laughs. He says insisted as if it was ever negotiable. “Did they ‘insist’ before or after they blow-dried and hung you out to dry?” Tim squawks and you hear shuffling again. Tim tries to remember why he doesn’t hate you. “Tell me again how you found out about me getting sick? Steph? Cass?”

“Hmmmmmm, Dick.”

“THAT TRAITOR”

“Funny way to pronounce older brother,” you hum smug. You can feel Tim glaring daggers at you. “You-”

“There’s a home theater, yeah?” 

Tim pauses, this time longer. “I don’t like where this is going.”

“Answer the question, Space Case.”

He sighs. “Yes.”

“Great! It’s a date then,” you say, mentally preparing a route to the Manor from the vague directions Steph told you once. You could just use the maps app- 

“NO!” You freeze. Tim flinches at the volume of his own voice. He  whispers an indiscernible  ‘I’m sorry’. You turn it over in your mind before speaking. “No?” You ask, trying your best to sound hurt instead of amused. Maybe you should have pitched your voice higher, more shaky. “Look, Tim, I-” Tim heaves a loud sigh. “-(Y/n), you’re fine-” Well, you aren’t, you think. You bite your tongue, physically to make sure you don’t say anything unnecessary. “-It’s got nothing to do with you. It’s- It’s just my siblings...” Tim knows that his siblings have been talking about you.  

“Timmy, I can take whatever shovel talk they can give me,” you say with the confidence of someone who has never been dangled over the edge of a roof top. Ok, to be fair, YOU had nothing to worry about. Tim, on the other hand, was going to get roasted alive. Maybe he can persuade you into not- Tim hears the tell tale sputtering of your bike’s engine and he feels his blood pressure spike. The engine genuinely sounds like a death rattle. 

“You’ll get sick.”

You swear and he hears another sputter of the engine. “You’ll get sick,” he croaks again, louder this time hopefully over the dying engine. Maybe if your engine dies right now, he’ll be spared from a slow agonizing death via siblings. “Relax Cosmo, I have the strongest ward against whatever you got,” you say, giving the engine a light kick. Tim hears a few metallic clunks then the engine stutters to life. Tim looks up past the ceiling trying to glare at whatever cosmic being resurrected your engine. 

“Which is...”

“Being broke. It does wonders for your health.”

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s how it works,” Tim says, shifting burying his head against the too soft pillows. The soft fabric makes his eyes feel heavy. He yawns. He hears the sputter or your laugh. It’s hard to tell from the sudden drowsiness making his head swim. 

“I promise I’ll explain to your typical rich kid ass when I get there, Tim.”

“That’s not how it works,” Tim slurs, face pressed into a pillow. 

You laugh, he’s sure this time. 

“I’m-” Tim’s mind unfocuses and the words you say garble together ”-Tim. ”

Tim blinks, mouth moving to ask you to repeat that but the last thing he hears is a soft click. 

On the bright side, it would just be him and Alfred at the manor.

_________________________________________________________

Batmanisfake: I heard (y/n)'s coming over😶

Nightwingingit:👀 How do you even know that?

Batmanisfake: What are you? A cop?

Nightwingingit: say that again but slowly 🙄

Batmanisfake: ...

Damian: He bugged Drake's phone. For blackmail purposes, of course. 

Nightwingingit: JASON

The Cool One: Shush Dick! He's onto something

Batmanisfake: Thank you 

The Adult: I for once had nothing to do with it😌

Theactualbatman: I'm assuming we're all coming home tonight?

The Cool One: I'll bring popcorn

Damian: Nonsense Pennyworth will likely have some prepared

The Cool One:😭 We really do not deserve that man

Nightwingingit: Definitely

thesaneone: We're recording Tim's face when he sees us, right? 

Batmanisfake: From all angles

The Adult: You're all horrible

Batmanisfake: Please like you're not hacking into the cameras as we speak, Babs

The Adult: You have no proof👀

_________________________________________________________

Tim’s head felt thick and gooey like one of Alfred’s custards. He feels like he’s floating, like he’s in a fish tank. There’s a sickly Chlorine smell clogging his nostrils; it smells powdery and sterile and reminds him vaguely of aspirin. Tim blinks. His eyes hurt; they feel puffy and sore and hot. His vision is further obscured by a thick layer of fleece blankets Alfred had piled high over him. He shuts his eyes still feeling too overwhelmed by the low light coming from the window.

Tim thinks he hears his window open with a soft click. Tim quiets his breathing. His hearing is too muddled to process anything beyond it.  There’s a soft thud of heavy boots in the room; it’s imperceptible and dreamlike the way it reaches his ears that it has him shifting under the covers trying his best to discern the sound. A dozen lighter footsteps follow it and he can sense 6 shapeless bodies hovering over him.

“Should we wake him up?” asks a voice that vaguely sounds like Cass. 

There’s a shuffling sound. Leather, he thinks. “Wait, lemme take a picture.”

“Red, why? It’s not like you can blackmail him with pictures of him sleeping.”

“Because, flashlight, I need proof that Timbo sleeps. ”

“Because?”

“Ok, how many times have you seen him asleep?” 

“Uh...”

“Exactly!”

Tim hears a laugh that distinctly sounds like Dick. “Does it count if Alfie drugged him?”

“Maybe?” Steph says, shrugging. 

“It doesn’t, Brown.”

“Damn it.”

“Does that mean B doesn’t sleep?”

“Nope.”

Maybe if Tim keeps sleeping, they’ll go away on their own. Tim wraps the sheets tightly around himself, hoping the large stack  of fleece would be enough to muffle his siblings. 

“I’m pretty sure I have dibs on waking him for opening the window for you shits.”

“Red, anyone could have opened that,” Duke laughs, stepping slightly behind Cass, who at the moment was paying more attention to the moving pile of fabric. Maybe if Tim stays really still she’ll turn her attention to something else. 

“Cass and Dickface would have just broken it.‘

“I would not!”

“Sorry, Cass, you would.”

“Steph, whose side are you on?”

“Why is no one defending me?” Dick sighs. 

“No one cares, Dickface. And Blondie’s clearly playing for the right team-” Steph cackles. “-none of you have any finesse.”

“Not all of us can be drama queens, Todd.”

“You’re like the third to the last person I wanna hear this from.”

“Third? You’re ranking us now? Who gave you the right?”

“Alfred,” Jason deadpans, “And yeah. Bruce and Dick are first and second.”

“Hey!”

“Can it Mr. Pretty Man Down.”

“That was one-”

“What rank am I?”

“uh … fifth.”

“Fifth?!”

“Sorry, Blondie, Cass has you beat with that ballet kick thingy.”

“Ok, yeah I can accept that. What about Babs?”

“What about Babs? The woman can kick my ass six ways to Sunday. ”

Tim’s head throbs all over. There are soft pin pricks pressing on the sole of his left foot; his leg jerks involuntarily. He wants to scream. Tim swears under his breath. A gloved hand pries the covers away from Tim’s face. Tim squints his eyes open only to be greeted by Dick’s kind, but still very punchable, face. Tim takes a long rasp, pinching his features in a mix of annoyance and despair. “Why are you-” Cough! “-here?”

There’s a slight quirk to Dick’s smile.“They wanted to meet (y/n),” Dick explains in a sweeping theatrical motion of his hand across the room directing Tim’s attention to the expressions on his sibling’s expressions which were all a variation of devious scheming. 

“How did-” cough. “- you even know-” cough. “-(y/n) was coming?” Tim asks, shooting up from his pile of pillows causing a couple of blankets to topple to the floor to the ground. Tim’s lightheaded.  He suddenly feels a shift in his balance, a feeling of vertigo.   He nearly topples to the ground, his blood not quite catching up to his movements, when feels hands wrap around his shoulders. “Woah there Baby Bird, slowdown.”

“Answer-” Cough!

“It was Todd.”

“You mutant sperm!”

“Jay, aren’t we all mutant sperm?” Steph laughs, slinging one arm over an irate Damian’s shoulders and another over a fuming Jason’s shoulders. Tim groans, sounding pained. “How much do I need to pay each of you to get all of you to go away?”

“A lifetime of IOUs,” Dick says, casually. 

“NO!”

“All of your share in W.E.,” Duke says, laughing. Steph elbows him lightly, also laughing. “You’re shooting prelow there, Slick,” Steph teases. Duke shrugs still grinning. “Gotta  keep it realistic, yanno?”  Steph and Duke keep bickering. 

“Drake, kindly, pay with your life.”

Tim scrunches his nose. “I’m already on my deathbed, you know, dying. What else do you want from me?”

“A more agonizing death.”

Jason grins, tilting his chin. “C’mon, Timbo, we can help with your little impromptu date.” Tim groans, placing his face in his hands. “Please just help me dig my own grave.”

“What would be the fun in that, Timbo?”

“For you or for me?”

“Come on, Tim, it’ll be fine,” Cass says,  clearly not believing the words herself. All seven of them dissolve into another round bickering. Damian, Jason, and Steph hellbent on giving Tim an aneurysm.  Duke and Cass playing at being neutral; Duke leaning on Tim’s side but laughing way too hard at Steph’s well placed jabs; Cass is only mildly siding with Tim to spite Jason. Why this time? Tim has no clue. 

The string of banter is broken up by the echoing the doorbell. Tim’s heart seizes as they all fall silent, enraptured by the odd sound of a doorbell filling the hallowed halls of Wayne Manor. The chiming of bells ends with the creaking of the large oak doors in the front of the manor. 

Before Tim’s sluggish brain could even formulate a thought, all of his siblings are all bounding towards the door, bouncing off the walls and flipping over obstacles. Tim scrambles, lagging, after the hoard of vigilantes barrelling towards you. Tim tries to shout after his siblings but his voice is drowned out by raucous laughter and bickering. 

You stand at the door, head haloed by the pale afternoon light as the sky catches fire, flecks of snow sparkling in your hair. You tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear as you sheepishly thank Alfred as he takes your coat.  

Tim struggles to breathe an he genuinely doesn’t know if it’s because of his lungs, you, or the fact that of all his siblings, Babs was the one who got there first and Tim genuinely doesn’t know if Babs is there to hold off the gaggle of vigilantes or to scare you off. From the jovial grin wrinkling your features, Tim’s pretty sure Babs just gave you some blackmail material instead of putting you through the ringer- an equally scary outcome. For your part, you don’t look even slightly phased by the fact that Babs is in a wheelchair or even by the way she’s clearly sizing you up. All of this rolls off of you with an easy motion of your shoulders as you answer her questions in the most frustratingly oblique way based off of Babs’s expression. Tim can’t help the curve on his lip as you blatantly dodge another of Babs’s questions with a smile. You spot him, winking, and the tips of Tim’s ears flush. 

Your cocky demeanor fades when a gaggle of batbrats crowd you; nervousness creeps into your form, ironing out your posture into something unnatural and defensive. “Is this a bad time?” You ask through a tight lipped smile. Babs glares at them but doesn’t make any effort to hide the satisfaction at your shaken demeanor. “Don’t mind them, Sweetie,” Babs says, patting your back and guiding you away from the gaggle. You shuffle awkwardly, trying to coax your spine back into a more natural curve. 

“(Y/n)!” Tim manages between gasps for air. Making a person with non functioning lungs run has to be some sort of human rights violation. His voice is  louder than he anticipated. He realizes, but the apprehension in his body flits away when you beam at him-a  wide cheeky smile that has his body vibrating with delight. He made you smile like that, Tim thinks, heart swelling almost enough to soften the impact of the next few words. “Hey, Duckie!” you chirp tilting your face in a cute lopsided smile. 

“Duckie?” Jason sniggers. 

Duke’s face passess from confusion, realization, then amusement in a matter of three seconds.“Duckie? As in ‘quack quack’?” Duke asks, pretending to still be dumbstruck. 

“Yes, Duckie, Tommy Terrific,” you say, the lopsided smile curving into a playful grin. The dumb nicknames earn you a loud, surprisingly nonthreatening, approving laugh from Jason who then says “We’ll keep those nicknames in mind” which just drags pained looks from both Tim and Duke. Dick and Damian on the other hand look absolutely delighted. 

“(Y/n), tell them about the other nicknames,” Steph says, grinning savagely. Your eyes widen and you wrinkle your nose, mouth twitching from side to side, trying to pretend away the heat rising from your cheeks. “Not on your life, Stephie.”

“Aaaaaw! Not even for lil ol’ me?” Dick pouts, throwing his arms around you. The familiarity of the action has Tim bristling. “Pleeeeeaaase,” Dick whines; a smile hidden in your hair, “not even for Alfred’s cookies?” You make a noise caught between a laugh and a groan. “Hmmmm… maybe? Throw in some candy.”

“Deal.”

Tim blinks. “You’d betray me for sugar?” 

“Cus I ain’t getting any while you’re sick,” you cackle, grinning along with Dick who looks way too pleased with the outcome of the conversation.  Tim desperately wants to melt into the floor. Looking at all his siblings who are eagerly awaiting for the litany of nicknames, Tim cuts in. “Let’s just go watch that film.”

“What are we watching?” Cass asks, leaning to look over your shoulder, clearly shoving Dick out of the way. Dick does his best to not budge. 

“What do you mean ‘we’?”

“We are under a communist regime, Timbo. We’re all watching it together,” Jason says, slinging Tim over his shoulder. 

“Have a heart, Drake. We only want to spend family time together,” Damian says, somehow still looking imperious even from where Tim is dangling. A dull ache starts spreading across Tim’s like his skull is being squeezed. 

“Hope you guys like Clue,” you say, fishing it out of your cornucopia of unhealthy junk food. “I figured you detectives would like a good mystery.” Dick snorts taking the disc from you and reading over the contents efficiently. “Bet you I can get the ending even before any of you.”

“No, you won’t,” Jason barks, setting off a long winded argument about who the best detective is. 

“Didn’t you say you would eat me if I spoiled another mystery movie for you? Are you planning to eat my entire family?” Tim croaks quietly. You scrunch your nose, twitching your mouth four times to the left and four and a half times to the right.  “Technically, what I said was ‘I’ll respectfully go back to juvie for cannibalism if you spoil another movie that night’,” you hiss low, trying not to draw attention to your conversation. Unfortunately for you, his siblings have good hearing.  

“And this is different how?” Tim asks, this time not bothering to control his volume. 

“You’ll never figure out the ending,” You say smiling innocently. Tim rolls his eyes and huffs a ‘we’ll see’. It doesn’t wipe the smile off of your face. 

As it turns out, the Wayne Manor theater is less of a theater and more of a bean bag storage closet with a large screen. Jason tosses Tim unceremoniously into one of the random bean bags in front of the couch before gracefully pirouetting into the couch. You chuckle and continue your search for something to put your Bluray in, just now realizing that you should have probably just asked for their Netflix password or something. Alfred appears out of nowhere handing Jason and Cass each a bowl of buttery popcorn and scolding Jason about manhandling his brother in front of  a guest. Jason looks unrepentant. No surprises there. With a swat on  the back of Jason’s head, Alfred turns to you, gloved hands extended out to you.  “I can take that."

“Oh… Uh thanks- Thank you,” you stammer. To your left, Tim snickers and your hand slip, somehow the blanket Babs handed you finds its way to Tim’s face. “Shut up, Ducktective. He’s practically your grandpa and I kinda wanna make a good impression,” you hiss, cheeks warming. Tim coughs, a little dumbfounded. Somehow it hadn’t occurred to him that you were nervous about this. 

Tim checks if his brain is on straight before speaking. “Relax, you haven’t physically assaulted me or any of my family yet so you’re immediately at the top of Alfie’s list.” You open your mouth to speak then curl it into a frown, looking appalled and concerned. Apparently, his brain wasn't on as straight as Tim thought. "Am I going to have to fight your exes? At some point?" 

"No!" 

"Yes!" Steph says, handing you a red bean bag. Tim scowls at Steph as he watches the color drain from your face. She just shrugs and goes off to annoy Dick. 

“Mr. Boddy?” Damian asks incredulously, reading the box summary again. “You’re kidding.”

“Nope,” you laugh, setting your bean bag next to the one Jason dropped Tim in. Damian rolls his eyes. “This is a stupid movie. Do people really consume this drivel?”

You scrunch your nose but don’t put too much heart into glaring. Thankfully, color is now returning to your face. “The movie hasn’t even started yet!”

“Relax (y/n), the tiny mutant sperm is just playing elitist,” Steph says, plopping next to Jason and eyeing his bowlful of buttery popcorn. 

“As long as it isn’t as bad as the Happening-”

“Dude, you live in a city with Poison Ivy. That thing is pretty much a documentary,” Duke says hesitantly taking the spot between Steph and Cass. 

"Please, for the love of Alfie, please, talk about something else," Dick whines, plopping a bean bag next to Tim. Jason’s face twists in confusions before his eyes light up and untwists into an expression with amusement. "Is it because of the-" Dick hits him square in the face with a pillow, all the while screeching "Think of the children!"

"Where, Dickface?" Jason ask, prompting Dick to point(jazz hands)  at Damian who rolls his eyes. Jason does the same, looking younger than the toughened exterior suggested. "That's a gremlin, Dickface. Not a child." 

"He is-"

"SHUSH! The movie is starting!" 

You giggle, curling into Tim's side and placing your head in the crook of his neck where you usually like to put it. Tim's insides shiver from the contact and his hands automatically coil around you, pressing his nose into your hair. 

"Jeez, her melons are big," Babs says flatly taking another handful of Dick's popcorn from Damian. Cass snorts and Tim feels embarrassment creep into his skin. He flicks his eyes to you, only to find you smiling into his side. 

"They're almost as big as Dick's," you chuckle. 

"Nah, Jason is bigger," Cass pipes. 

You eye Jason openly which makes the large man cross his arms over his chest.  "Huh, you're right," you note with more confusion than anything. 

"Bruce has moobs too!" Jason protests, red-faced. 

"Son, why?"

The chatter falls silent when the figure at the edge of the room settles itself into the large leather recliner in one corner of the room. You squint your eyes to distinguish its features from the rest of the shadows in the room; only to be greeted by the solemn features of Bruce Wayne. Your breath catches and you feel your skin jump twenty feet in the air. Everyone else in the room seems to have about the same reaction even as he pulls a lever to raise the foot rest.  You all follow his movements with interest. 

“Is Bruce trying to relax?” Duke whispers to Cass who shrugs in response. Steph rolls her eyes, reaching over Duke to try and snatch some popcorn from Jason who just raises his bowl higher. “Shhhhh, Duke, let the B man try to play human,” she says, snatching at the popcorn til the bowl just falls on Jason’s head. 

“He’s trying I guess.” This draws a startled chuckle out of you that you try to press in Tim’s neck. The vibrations against his skin has him shivering. 

“B, are you ok?” Dick asks. This makes Bruce’s features move in a slightly concerned fashion which in Bruce speak is very concerned. “Yes, why?”

“Ooooh, no reason, old man.” He turns to Babs. “Yeah that’s not Bruce. Five bucks says it’s a robot.” Babs snickers, grabbing a ten from her purse. “Ten says it’s an alien.” You twist to look at them, taking out a twenty. “Twenty says it’s just Mr.Wayne.” Jason sneers at you, taking your money. “You clearly don’t know the old man.”

“Can we please just watch this film in peace?” Bruce groans, running a hand over his face, finally looking more like the long suffering single dad of eight kids that he should be.  Babs looks over her shoulder, slinging Bruce an absolutely disbelieving look. “Do you even know your children?”

“Yes, father, have you even watched us bond?” Damian asks, using his free hand to do air quotes for the word ‘bond’ while using the other to try and swipe some popcorn from Cass. It doesn’t work. 

“That definitely isn’t Bruce,” Dick hisses, trying to shield his own bowl of popcorn  from an irate Damian. 

“SHHHHHH! I can’t hear the movie!”

“It’s definitely the butler,” Dick declares.  Damian scowls, throwing a pillow at him which Dick catches with ease. “Grayson, the movie has barely started.”

“It’s definitely the butler. It’s gotta be. It’s always the butler.”

“That’s very offensive to Alfred, Dick,” Cass says, grinning. Alfred sniffs poshly in his own recliner. Dick recoils but Jason piles on. “Very classist of you, Dickiebird.”

Duke snorts. “Nah, I think he’s just saying it because Tim Curry was Pennywise the Clown.” 

“Why would you trust a clown?” 

“Oh my god, why are you guys comparing Alfred to a clown?”

“We are not!”

“This conversation is a trainwreck,” Tim groans into your hair. “Dunno, Tim, it sounds like a success,” you laugh, pressing closer. His eyes flick between you and his siblings. “You planned this.” You look up at him, failing to flatten a smile. “Nope.”

“I say it’s Ms. Scarlett,” Bruce says, rubbing his chin contemplatively. 

“You’re just saying that cus she reminds you of Selina,” Tim huff, grinning and you’re half tempted to pinch his cheeks. Bruce cuts him a scathing look that has you shrinking; the grin on Tim’s face just broadens which just makes the playful scowl on Bruce’s face deepen. “Need I remind you who pays for the internet?”

“Alfred?” Tim asks, innocently. 

“Careful Tim, B man might actually do it. Hell, he’ll probably do it if he finds out what you did last Thursday.”

“Do you mean the explosion on Fifth?” you ask, turning to Steph.  Steph gives you a firm nod; in the corner of your eye, you can see Bruce arching a brow. Tim gapes at you looking absolutely gutted. “What happened to snitches get stitches?” Tim protests. 

 You shrug, grinning. “Sorry, Duckie, I stand by my cookie dealer. Who do you think sneaks Duke and me cheetos in Western Civilization? I stand by my fellow barbarian.”

“You know Duke?”

“I pay him to-”

“Shhhhh!” 

“You guys are talking too!”

“At least, it’s movie related!” Damian hisses. 

You throw up your hands with an exaggerated flail. “Fine!”

“I say it’s the shifty looking lady,” Jason declares, reaching over Duke and Steph to try and snatch some popcorn from Cass. You wonder why Jason doesn’t just snatch some from Alfred since he’s closer. You try to ask Tim but he just shakes his head at you.  “Ms.Peacock?” Cass asks, shoving Jason’s face away with butter covered fingers.  Duke tries to snatch a few kernels in the confusion only to get his hand swatted. “I think he means Mrs. White,” he says, waving his hand.  “Yeah that one.”

“It’s the butler! It’s always butler!” Dick protests. 

“I will fucking riot if it’s the butler!” Steph shoots back.

“It can’t be the butler.”

“Why not, Dami? He has motive.”

Damian rolls his eyes.“Gordon, why are you siding with Grayson?-” Babs opens her mouth to answer but Damain continues before she can get another syllable out “-nevermind. He doesn’t have as much motive as the rest of them. Besides, does he really look competent enough to hold a gun left alone with a knife?”

Tim raises his chin from your head. “Demon Spawn, your standards for butlers is too high. Alfred is-”

“You say this like you have plenty of references.” 

“Oh, Tommy Terrific, Duckie here is a posh bastard,” Jason sneers ruffling Tim’s hair. From the way, some of his hairs stick up you could guess that he still had some butter in his hand. Tim makes a face of disgust; you try your best to help him with his hair. “Jay, you say that but you’re like Mr. I need the correct type of wood for my bookshelves,” Steph laughs.  “Just because I’m not a slob like the rest of you walking disasters doesn’t mean I’m posh.”

“Yes, it does. You lived here. Yanno with Alfie,” Dick says, pulling out another pack of snacks he’d managed to snag from your bag. You’re not gonna ask at this point. Tim gives you a look which roughly translates to ‘I am very sorry for my trainwreck of a family’. You snort at him before turning towards his sibling. “I mean look at Cass. She’s still feral.” If looks could kill, the look Cass give you would melt your bones. Thankfully, Damian opens his mouth. “They’re all feral.” You have a sense that you’ve also been insulted. You hear Babs to your right laugh derisively. “You say this like you’re any less feral than the rest of us.”

“I am-”

“Are any of you still watching the movie?” Bruce asks and for the second time that night, your body tries to divorce your soul. You had almost forgotten that yes, you are watching Clue with the fucking Batman. You shift in your seat suddenly feeling a twinge of nervousness. Before the discomfort could nestle in you, Jason speaks up. “No, Bruce, we’re just watching Cass vacuum the popcorn into her stomach. What do you think?”

“You guys didn’t ask,” Cass says through a mouthful of popcorn knowing full well that’s a lie. 

“How can any of you be watching it? All you’ve done is talk over the dialogue.” You almost laugh at how exasperated he sounds. Beside you, Tim just snickers and shakes his head. 

Damian just looks at his father from his bean bag next to Dick. “Father, we can talk and listen. ” Dick, like the mature adult that he is, slaps his knee laughing. “I don’t think B is capable of that.”

“PREACH” was followed by a chorus of AMENs. 

"Alfred, what have I done to turn my children against me?" Bruce asks, tiredly leaning back into his recliner. 

"Master Bruce, how would you like me to list it?" 

"Alfred not you too," Bruce groans, putting his hands in his eyes. 

"Yeah! Alfie's on our side!" Jason cheers. 

"Quite."

"Alfie is always the sensible one," Cass chuckles sensibly between bites. You hear varying noises of agreement and Bruce ages from suave debonair to extremely tired single dad. 

"I assume Alfred is actually the boss here."

"Yeah, Bruce is actually on the bottom of the food chain here," Tim says. You tilt your head in  contemplation. "Yanno that makes Batman so much less scary." 

"B-man's just a giant softie," Steph chirps, slinging her legs over Duke and Cass's laps narrowly missing the nearly empty bowl of popcorn. 

Dick turns to you winking. "Yeah, just give him the puppy eyes and he'll  get you anything you want in 2 seconds flat." 

"Dick…" 

"It's true!"

"Even a carnival?" 

"Can we please just watch the movie?" Bruce says, in an almost pleading voice. 

"I wouldn't hold my breath, old man," Jason chuckles, earning a glare from both Bruce and Damian. "It's not like you know how to shut up, Todd." 

"Sorry, I don’t speak gremlin."

"That's bull Jay!" 

"MOVIE IS STILL GOING ON! SHUT YOUR CAKE HOLES." 

“I TOLD YOU IT WAS THE BUTLER.”

“Yes, yes, it has been publiced and noted, Birdie,” you giggle into Tim’s side, shaking your head. He wraps his arm around you, pressing a kiss into your hair, winking at you. “Does it count?” Tim asks over his shoulder. A look passes between him and Cass. “I don’t think so,” she says grinning. 

“It so does! It’s one of the endings,” Dick protests vehemently. Jason’s mouth flattens then curls into a grin. “By that logic, the old man is right too.”

Dick thinks for a moment, tapping his chin. “Well, we can’t have that.”

“Why not?” Bruce protests. 

"I'm still sticking with the butler. I'm sorry this is the only logical conclusion." 

"He wasn't even an actual butler you butter brain!" Steph protests, throwing a pillow at Dick. 

"I'm sorry but can we address why you're all mounting a mutiny against me?" 

"Teenage rebellion!" Dick answers. 

"Chum, you're not even a teenager." 

"Father's right. At most, Grayson is five years old," Damian pipes from beside Dick seemingly unaffected by his brother's pout. 

"Alfred, you're going to have to check my blood pressure before patrol." 

"Quite, sir."

“They’re all so dramatic just like you said,” you whisper into Tim’s shoulder. 

“I AM NOT DRAMATIC”

“Ah, yes, because the pretty man pose is so pragmatic.” Damian deadpan.  

"That was one time, you assholes!" 

"Hey, what else did Timmy say?" 

"Well he- Oh wait!" You fish out your phone and Tim snacthes it away faster than you can blink. "No-" cough "-you don't." Cough. 

Jason snatches it from him, snickering at the photo of Tim kissing you on the cheek. You're pretty sure Tim has a matching photo with you kissing him on the cheek. "Nice lockscreen, (y/n)."

"Oh, you should see the homescreen!" 

"No. Please don't. You might need eye bleach." 

"Relax Space Cadet, it’s not that one." 

"Ohohoho, what didn't you want big daddy bats to see? Haaa, Timbo?" 

Tim turns every shade of red before settling on fire hydrant red. "None of your business!"

Bruce clears his throat, looking at a stupidly expensive watch. “It’s time.” Dick springs up, stretching and showing off.  “Is it really that time already?” Steph asks in almost a whine. Duke and Cass take the opportunity to shove her off and sadly, she lands with a loud thud and a mangled curse. You wince but laugh unsympathetically which simply earns you a face full of dust covered popcorn. You frown at her and she grins at you as Jason hauls her up by her hoodie. “C’mon Blondie. Let’s leave the love birds alone.”

“It’s not like they’re actually gonna be alone. Alfie’s here. So is Babs.”

“I’m going back to my place. You people give me a headache.” 

“You say that like you weren’t having fun,” Dick teases, walking after her. 

“I’ll be down in the cave if you need me,” Alfred says waving at both of you. “Will do, Alf,” Tim yawns, nuzzling into your hair. 

Cass pops her head back in. “Make sure Tim doesn’t do anything stupid,” She calls back. You grin, bright and wolfish. “Don’t worry! He can’t do me while he’s sick.” You hear Bruce choke in the hall and you just know that you’ll mentally kick yourself for that later. Luckily for you, Tim physically kicks you now. “What the hell?!” Cough. “Sorry, got caught in the moment.” You huff, trying to look a little sorry. Tim just glares more. “You’re not even close to sorry.”

“Ok. Yeah.”

“I have no idea why I love you sometimes.”

“My amazing personality?”

“Sure.”

“Love you too, Tim,” you chirp, kissing him. Tim’s lips feel hot after the quick peck and he pulls you closer. “I love you but I was pretty sure my family was gonna eat you alive.”

“They would have done it,” you hum, pausing before adding, “respectfully.”  

  Tag list: @batarella, @anothertimdrakestan, @lucy-roo, @multifandomgirl-us, @idkmanicantenglish,@birdy-bat-writes,  @boosyboo9206, @americasmarauders , @l-inkage, @arestorationofbalance , @cloudie-skay, @wunderstell   @hyp-oh-critical @glorified-red

#tim drake imagines #tim drake x reader #Tim Drake #batfamily x reader #batfam #reader insert #dc fanfiction #dc reader insert #bruce wayne #Alfred Pennyworth #dick grayson #Damian Wayne #Jason Todd #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #batman #batfamily headcanon #batboys

[aeligsido]

Roommate AU and Accidental Eavesdropping with Cass and whichever other batkid you'd like, please and thank you my dear :pleadinghearts:

Hiiii dear thank you so much!!! The list is here for anyone interested!

SO i would totally do this for a No Capes AU, first of all.

NOW... Plz imagine, Cass and Jason, same age (Cass is older by some months as usual), going to college together. Maybe it's a coincidence, maybe it's not, but they end up going to the same college so they decide to be roommates.

I feel like there would be so much shenanigans. A few includes:

- Jason rambles endlessly about the books he has to read, his assignments, etc, and Cass pretends to be annoyed but secretly she loves it.

- Cass bullies Jason into making her food at random times. Like, very random times. Jason woke up sometimes with Cass looking at him and being like "i want food" (yes, like a cat. Absolutely. Cass is the cat Jason hasn't asked for).

- Jason takes the habit of making snacks for Cass for whenever she's hungry (and so she'll stop waking him up, he needs his beauty sleep).

- One time Jason brought a fellow student to their apartment bc they had to work on an assignment together, and Cass kept flirting with her the whole time. Jason has never been more embarrassed and horrified in his life before. (Cass ended up dating this girl for a few months)

- and the most important shenanigan that neither of them realize exists: no one on the campus knows they know each other.

Like, I picture them having very different interests and groups of friends, and they never really talk to each other on the campus, and not a lot of people come to their apartment either... So no one knows they're roommates, even less that they're siblings.

I would totally use the eavesdropping as like... 5 times Cass ears someone talks about Jason and 1 time it was said at her, and 5 times Jason ears someone talks about Cass and 1 time it was said at him. They probably just hear so many rumors about each other and find that extremely funny.

I also kind of want people to realize they know each other and from then on the theories go wild. Especially when people realize Cass and Jason live at the same place. It confuses so many people.

Also the big revelation is probably when they're near the end of their studies tbh, bc it's even more fun. Something like:

Random Student finally realizing Cass and Jason have the same last name: Wait... You're siblings?

Jason, deadpan: We're twins. Duh.

Before leaving dramatically the scene with Cass, bc of course they would do that.

Anyway it's just Jason and Cass being comfy roommates at college but being absolute cryptids on the campus, that's all difuvh.

#i answer asks #friend #dottie-wan-kenobi #writing game #ask game #dc #batfam #cassandra cain #jason todd #fic #my fic #writing #my writing #did i spend too much time thinking about it? #yes #definitely #i have no regrets #i'm lowkey in love with this au now #i hope it won't make me want to write a fic...

[sun-moon-stars-jedi]

Batfam Ficrecs - Part 3

Don’t have anything to read during the holidays? No problem, here are some great Batfam fanfics. Most of them are fairly recent, so hopefully you’ll find something new. The focus is on fluffy and funny gen Batfam stories, but I also included a few H/C stories and two JayRoy ones.

My other Reclists for fluffy Batfam fics are here and here if you’re looking for even more. Have fun reading =D

Short and Sweet Stories:

How To Break Up A Knife Fight by RubyofRaven (Gen, 1.5K, Rated Gen): In which Alfred is away, Bruce has an emergency, and someone needs to be left in charge. Family fluff Batfam style with a perfect ending.

A Hindering Hand by collectivefandomstuff (Gen, 4.3K, Rated T): When Dick is refused the opportunity to coddle Damian, he decides to lavish his other siblings with his questionably helpful assistance. They are palpably ungrateful. Dick being an annoying older brother is hilarious and sweet at the same time. Good feel reading.

Halloween Wonder by alecmagnuslwb (M/M, 1.7K, Rated Gen): Jason and Roy take Lian trick or treating and she has a specific request for their costumes. Sweet JayRoy family fluff.

Get Out Of My Room by damthosefandoms (Gen, 2.2K, Rated Gen): Dick likes to mess with his little brother. Jason enjoys being a little shit to his older brother. Everyone always says they’ll get along when they get older. They’re not so sure about that. Sweet and funny story about Dick and Jason being brothers.

Have I Told You About Minnie? by Hinn_Raven (Gen, 4.5K, Rated T): After you’ve known Matches Malone long enough, you get used to him telling you about his kids. Not that his kids know about it. Bruce is a proud dad, even when he is undercover, and can’t stop telling everyone about his awesome kids. Nice focus on the relationship between Bruce and Stephanie.

Night at the (National History) Museum by collectivefandomstuff (Gen, 7.2K, Rated T): The Batbros cause havoc at a gala and it is hilarious.

Nutella by good_ho_mens (Gen, 1.7K, Rated T): Dick just wanted Nutella, and Jason didn't feel like getting shot today.

One Wrong Step by good_ho_mens (Gen, 3.0K, Rated Gen): Damian steps on a mine and Jason refuses to leave. Also, Tim worries. Batbrothers bonding during a crisis and it is so good.

Put On Your Mask (We're Going Shopping) by shanahane (Gen, 3.2K, Not Rated): It's been... some time since Bruce has done any sort of shopping. Still, somehow, miraculously, the trip to the supermarket is a not a complete disaster. One could even describe it as successful. Wholesome Batdad with his sons.

Friends That Say (You’re Not Alone) by ProsperDemeter (Gen, 3.5K, Rated Gen): Clark visits Wayne Manor during Christmas and sees a totally different side to Bruce in how he behaves around little Dick. Sweet and wholesome, good dad Bruce and little ray of sunshine Dickie.

siblings being siblings series by envysparkler (Gen, 12.3K+, Rated T): The Batkids notice that Bruce never confronts Jason about little mistakes and start to use him as a scapegoat. It spirals from there. Super funny, especially once Jason gets his revenge.

 Hurt/Comfort Stories:

in doctor's office lighting (i didn't tell you i was scared) by good_ho_mens (Gen, 8.9K, Rated T): Tim gets meningitis and it isn’t pretty, but his family is there for him. A sickfic that goes pretty deep, including the first real look at how Tim’s missing spleen will influence his life. Hurt comfort done super well.

Tough Love by iselsis (Gen, 7.6K, Rated T): Jason finds his mother dead on the bathroom floor, but his grief is interrupted when a strange man breaks into his apartment and kidnaps him. The moment you get what is happening this story changes completely and it is so good.

Zoetic by PurpleArrowzandLeather (Gen, 4.2K, Rated T): Jason goes inside a burning building to save people who are trapped in their apartments. He doesn't come out. Emotional and sad, but so satisfying. (And Chapter 2 makes everything better again.)

Looking for Home by Team_Alpha_Wolf_Squadron (Gen, 11.8K, Rated T): Bruce and Jason are lost in the woods, not knowing how they got there, or even where they are. A little road trip even when there is no road is always good for bonding though. So, so great. Not gonna say more to avoid spoilers. Background Bruce/Clark, but that’s not really important.

Broken Bodies, Daisy Bloom Series by RandomReader13 (Gen, 15.6K+, Rated Gen to M): The Batfam during the zombie apocalypse. A very realistic take on how to survive the zombie apocalypse, with emotional family moments and the expected worst case scenario happening but with a twist.

Waylaid by Elya_Rho (Gen, 31.7K, Rated T): All Damian wanted was to spend the day alone with his father. Then Drake had to go and ruin everything by getting himself kidnapped... Damian pretending not to care about Tim while simultaneously doing everything possible to safe him is so good. Very nice Batbro story.

 In Progress:

Keeping Score by Elya_Rho (Gen, 67.3K+, Rated T): Brothers can turn anything into a competition … including saving each other's lives. Don’t worry about it being a WIP, there are no unresolved cliffhangers. The individual missions are so good and get even better with each chapter. I reread all of them several times already, so definitely worth a try.

the thing with feathers by bacondoughnut (Gen, 16.3K+, Not Rated): When Dick and Bruce go missing and Tim can't find them on his own he turns to the only other person he can think of for help, Jason. He just hopes they can keep from killing each other long enough to save their family. Jason reluctantly helping Tim, great detective work and begrudging brotherly bonding, what more could you want?

Drink Deep in the Morning by GordandV (Gen, 4.0K+, Rated T): Robin era Jason talks Dick into taking him driving. Sweet Batbrothers in an interesting magical realism AU. A WIP with only one chapter, but the world is established in such an interesting way, it’s really worth a read.

A Change Of Scenery by Sun_Moon_Stars_Jedi (M/M, 18.5K+, Rated Gen): Jason finds himself stuck in the past while Roy has to deal with the fourteen year old version of his husband. Time travel is just so much fun! I’m shamelessly putting my own fic here, it’s fluffy and funny, so if you’d like to, give it a shot.

Epic Series:

Emotional Motion Sickness Series by Batbirdies (Gen, 348K+, Rated Gen to M): A series beginning with Bruce Wayne finally deciding to go to therapy, and the ripple effect afterwards. I can’t put into words how good this series is. If you like Bruce as a good dad, who makes up for his faults and is there for his kids, you absolutely have to read this!

Flightless Birds Series by Ionaperidot (Gen, 181K+, Not Rated): A Bruce without the Batkids meets one with them. Cue Batdad collecting abandoned kids from the multiverse. The progress Bruce and each of the kids makes is amazing, an absolute must read. Slight TimKon, but the pairing is not the focus of the stories.

In For a Pound Series by Cdelphiki (Gen, 248K+, Rated Gen): Talia gives Damian to Bruce when he is still a baby and it changes everything. I’m sure everyone has already read this amazing series, but on the off chance that you haven’t, go do it. Everything Cdelphiki writes makes you feel warm and happy, family fluff of the highest quality.

#batfam #jason todd #bruce wayne #dick grayson #damian wayne #tim drake #ficrec #batman ficrec

[ectonurites]

Okay, so I kinda wanna know your thoughts about how weird the fandom portrays the bat characters. Canon is ... not my favorite, but it actually offers a lot of nuance to the characters that I think makes them all interesting. Unlikable, but interesting. I noticed fanon tends to boil the batkids all into these superflat caricatures. Like, cereal obsessed manchild Dick Grayson or bad boy who's literal crimes are only because of the lazarus pit Jason Todd. Its not really a major problem, just weird

Oh I have a LOT of thoughts about this. I try so hard not to shit on how other people interact with content because like, it’s comic books! We’re all just here trying to make the best out of a mess of stuff and have fun, but admittedly a lot of fanon stuff drives me fuckin’ nuts as someone who reads a ton of comics.

Like, I like memes, obviously, I draw tons of memes with the batfam (+ yj) characters and make lighthearted jokes etc etc, and honestly if it’s just for jokes then I don’t mind people having whack interpretations of the characters quite as much. The thing that drives me up a wall though is like... when serious works and analysis and discussion are very clearly based on just the fanon interpretations without any bearing on canon aside from what you could skim from a wiki page, and it’s spoken like it’s fact! There’s ‘having fun with jokes that aren’t taking things that seriously’ and then there’s ‘blatantly mischaracterizing based on misinformation’. Way too often I see things fall into that second category.

Now, a lot of people in the batfam fandom don’t... actually read comics (or at least not frequently) and that’s not even a bad thing necessarily, like you’re 100% allowed to enjoy content however you want to! (I don’t wanna be gatekeepey, especially since comics are confusing to get into)

But the problem is that when a lot of people aren’t reading the comics, then the people who do’s opinions have a lot more influence if they’re loud enough. All it takes is one person who read something and interpreted it a specific way that might not even be correct, and then it can echo chamber and suddenly half the fandom thinks it’s 100% canon that way because ‘oh so and so said that and they actually read it’.

I also think that’s a problem with the popularity of out of context panels/blogs, while they are super funny sometimes, when people make assumptions about characters based on just a few things without context... it can lead to problems. If enough people say something enough times people just... start to think it’s true, even if it exists entirely devoid of context which changes the meaning.

Like, for example, according to canon there’s no actual confirmation Tim stalked Batman on foot for an extended period of time! We know from Lonely Place of Dying that he followed him once to get a picture to convince DIck that he still needed a Robin. Otherwise his ‘stalking’ & how he figured out Batman’s identity was more through media appearances (like newspapers and tv). This is wildly different from the common fanon idea that little Timmy was sneaking out regularly to follow Batman & Robin around with his camera.

I primarily blame Geoff Johns for this misconception because of these panels in in tt 2003 (from issue 29)

But like, think about it for a second, literally how would Jason know that? This is one of the first times he’s ever interacting with Tim, and he was dead/catatonic when that would have been happening! He is either making a wild assumption or perhaps Talia told him this when she told him about Tim, whichever of those it was it’s secondhand information not something he witnessed. Taking his word as fact here makes no sense, he was just trying to get under Tim’s skin while fighting him. But seeing those panels out of context if you haven’t actually read Lonely Place of Dying/only read a vague summary of it, and don’t necessarily know the details of the Jason situation, it could absolutely lead you to believe otherwise!

Dick as a cereal manchild is a weird one because like... okay yeah sure he likes cereal, I can think of like two panels I’m too lazy to find right now off the top of my head of him having it, but... that’s not something we see all the time! Its not like Ollie & his chili (which IS a running joke- seriously I have not read that many Green Arrow comics but the amount of times I’ve seen that man bring up chili in just in the few things I have read is wild. there’s even an official recipe. his chili has it’s own dc wiki page). Then, because Dick isn’t quite as emotionally closed off in the same way the rest of the batfam tends to be, people project literally all the pent up feelings onto him, making him this hug-crazy crybaby manchild... again it’s just very clear people who perpetuate those ideas (outside of like, maybe as jokes) haven’t actually fully read that many comics with him. I’d also even blame the Young Justice cartoon version of Dick for some other traits fanon Dick has, bc that version of him is def a bit of a Hot Mess™️ once he’s Nightwing 

Jason I understand misconceptions about probably the most because of how wildly inconsistent his writing was before the new 52 and how consistently Not Great it was once Lobdell took over. Jason’s one of the few characters I have read like, 90% of appearances for so I’m speakin’ from experience here. But still... acting like Jason as Red Hood is just a ‘bad boy rebel’ that could have a relatively happy connection with the whole Batfam is fun but unrealistic. You can not blame everything on the lazarus pit... he still has killed people! Lots of people! Willingly! Yes he has reasons and when he’s being written well it’s clear that he’s not just ‘random murder happy’ but rather ‘I kill when I feel they deserve it and that it’s necessary’ which is what keeps him an anti-hero rather than a full fledged villain most of the time, but that still keeps him so at odds with the rest of the Batfamily! Writers in more current continuity have had him compromise by only using rubber bullets in Gotham so they can have him interact with the family, but he’s still killed and will do it when he deems it necessary.

Also like... at the time of Under The Red Hood in the comics... theoretically... he hadn’t even been in the lazarus pit for well over a year. Go read Lost Days (it’s short! And except for the thing with him & Talia towards the end of the last issue it’s pretty good!), he spends a lot of time traveling the world and learning things/training before the events of UtRH. Yes you could interpret there still being some Lazarus influence going on there but I think the movie version of UtRH especially leads people to believe there’s a lot less time between his dunk in the pit and his first actions as Red Hood.

Fanon also has a lot of ideas about pit madness that vary wildly from what we have seen in canon, like yeah it’s been said to be a thing to some extent, but there’s not really the Danny Phantom Glowing Green Eyes™️ or anything like that... it’s fun to explore cool new ideas for sure but I just think it’s important to recognize the distinction between things that are actually canon and things that are popular fanon. (Also there are things that fall somewhere in between, there’s definitely stuff that isn’t 100% confirmed canon but could still be plausible/has been hinted at by some writers/is only canon in some settings)

Other things that drive me nuts are ‘quiet does-no-wrong angel Cass’ and ‘the Normal One™️ Duke’ because those just make literally no sense if you’ve read any comics with either of them... but fan content either does those versions or just completely ignores their existence a lot of the time! So! That’s a whole bigger problem!

In general though, this is fandom it’s not like this... matters that much on the grand scheme of things in life, we’re just people on social media talkin’ about comics. And this kind of misconception/flattening of characters does happen in literally every fandom ever. But it still does suck to see characters that have a lot of nuance and interesting history to play around with get reduced to a few traits that aren’t even actually that relevant to who they are.

#batfam #pls dont kill me for sayin al this again im not telling anyone how to enjoy stuff JUST my thoughts