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#i feel like so much of me is surpressed for others’ comfort
insert-game · 1 year
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it’s the autistic masking isn’t it
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xorose-f1 · 10 months
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first time - charles leclerc
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summary: your first time with Charles.
authors note: hi guys!! thank you for all the notes on my last post, i am so happy to see that you liked it :) this is my first smut with Charles again, I will write for more drivers in the future, or even make a series. if you have any driver requests feel free to write them to me <3
WARNINGS: contains smut, read at your own risk!! fingering (f receiving), p in v, losing virginity, slight choking, swearing
genre: smut
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You and Charles have been together for a few months now. At first you were barely able to see each other at all, with his tight racing schedule and endless meetings in other countries, but lately you've been going to his races a lot more.
You never really thought about it, but whenever you did see each other for a few days you were too scared to make a move on him. Sure you had a few make out sessions here and there, but it never really went further than that. You weren't sure if Charles wanted it too, but his body language always told you otherwise. Infact, he was dying to touch and feel you, but he never wanted to do something that you weren't comfortable with. So, he just waited until you were ready to make the move. He knew you were still a virgin, since your past few boyfriends never really lasted more than a month or two.
And that day was today. You were lazily making out on the couch again, and you could feel Charles slowly getting hard under you, simply from kissing and touching you in different places. You decided that you want to make the move, even though you were a bit scared, you were definitely ready. You knew that Charles won't know if you just kept kissing so you slowly went from his lips to his neck, sucking a few hickeys. He let out a few groans and you kept kissing and sucking on his neck, while your hands went down further and started zipping his pants down.
You could sense that Charles was a bit surprised, so he quickly grabbed your hands, and looked into your eyes.
"Are you sure? You don't have to do this if you are not ready" he asked.
You quickly pulled his hand away and unzipped his pants. "I'm more than ready Charles" you reassured him.
With that being said, he quickly grabbed you and carried you to the bedroom. He softly laid you down on the bed, and started kissing you, with his pants still being unzipped on his waist. His hands wandered all over your body, until it stopped at your legs. He started slowly pulling down your shorts, and then your underwear. You were dripping already which made him smile, but he saw that you were getting shy, with you covering your eyes with your forearm when he looked up at you.
"Mon amour" he said. "You look fucking gorgeous. Can I?"
You melted away at his words and quickly nodded, as you were getting more and more turned on at the sight of him between your legs. He entered a finger inside you, and you opened your eyes that moment, moaning from the pleasure. When he saw that you were starting to stretch out he added another finger, and another. You were a moaning mess already, which embarrassed you so you started biting your lips to surpress the moans. Charles didn't like that, and he put his hand around your throat gently, careful not to make it painful for you.
"Don't hide your beautiful moans chérie" he demanded, which you just quickly nodded to.
He was thrusting his fingers in and out of you as you were getting more close to the edge, but you felt like you wanted more. You reached out to his hand and stopped him, as he looked at you concerned.
"Are you okay?"
"I want you inside me, Charles" even you were surprised at your boldness, but you wanted him way too much to focus on that now.
"Baby, are you sure? You don't have to-"
"Please, Charles" you basically begged him, and you didn't need to say another word to him as he quickly got out of his pants. He pulled out a condom from the drawer and pulled it on, while he was aligning himself at your entrance.
He took your arm and intertwined his fingers with yours, holding your hand.
"If it's painful, squeeze my hand okay? If theres anything wrong-"
"Just fuck me already Charles" you said as you were getting impatient, but you couldn't deny that you loved how caring he was.
He just smiled and slowly started entering you. You squeezed his hand, you couldn't deny that it was a bit painful at first. You two kept looking at each other, as he was slowly starting to thrust in you. Slowly the pain started to turn into pleasure again, and you started moaning again, with Charles letting out a few breathy groans aswell.
"You feel amazing love" he breathed out, and you couldn't help but blush at his comment. This whole time he kept admiring you, while also looking out for you to see if you were in any pain or discomfort.
He slowly started to sped up his movements, and you got completely lost in the ecstasy, he was amazing. The more and more he kept thrusting into you you found yourself close to the edge again, while he let out a few groans and moans as you started to clench around him.
"Charles I-"
"I know baby, come for me"
He kept thrusting into you as you lost it and reached you orgasm, you almost screamed out his name while you came. He followed right after you, he let out a loud groan and you felt his cock twitching inside you.
You stayed like that for a few seconds as he kissed you, and reassured you.
"You were amazing my love, I love you" he said as he kissed your nose.
"I love you too Charles" you smiled.
"Are you okay? Was it painful-"
"I'm okay charles, it was amazing" you also reassured him.
He pulled out of you and threw away the condom. He slowly picked you up again and carried you to the bathroom, putting you on a chair.
He started to fill the bathtub up with warm water, and made you both a bubble bath. You wanted to get up on your legs to go in but he picked you up again, carefully putting you in the water. Shortly after that, he joined you.
You went close to him and laid your head on his chest, listening to his heart beat. You didn't need to say a word to each other as you relaxed there in peace, with Charles caressing your hair and whispering sweet nothings in your ear.
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the-s1lly-corner · 7 months
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If you could indulge me, can I ask for something with The Amazing Digital Circus gang, with an s/o who is seen as an anchor for the others? They are strong willed, happy go lucky, supportive, a mediator and ect. Well, could they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode, just crying in frustration and like punching a wall to calm down and go back to acting like nothing happened?
I have a thing with strong willed characters hiding their weakness for the benefit of others.
TADC cast x emotional anchor!reader !
oh ho ho you silly lil fella, you have literally just described my TADC oc down to a T, i am going to have so much fun writing this because im literally just. going to use my oc as a place holder for the reader, just without describing any lore bits unique to them and their design ngl i think i went insane with this one, tally hall music is doing something to me
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CAINE:
if you thought you were good at hiding your human despair just know that caine already knows. the only reason i feel he wouldnt initially come to you in your lesser moments of weakness is that he can acknowledge that youre trying to hide this part of you. does he go comfort you, and risk making you try harder to surpress your feelings; risking you to just blow up one day and have your mental state just totally collapse in one go? would you feel put off at the knowledge that in this world you never really have full privacy? that definitely wouldnt make you feel any better. but when it gets to the point where you're screaming and crying in your room and punching the walls he would step in. drags you away from the walls, and if he has to this man will restrain you if it means making sure you stop swinging. hes seen the downfall of many people within the circus, but seeing it from someone he so deeply cares for hits a different way. he may be an AI, but he can still simulate feeling. its a harrowing sensation as he lets you cling onto him. i think he makes an effort to make in house adventures less overwhelming and intense, too scared to push you over the edge but also too scared to leave you with nothing to do to distract you. i think he would stay with you for the night, too
POMNI:
as selfish as it sounds, pomni cant help but feel.. something in her chest. seeing you, the groups beacon of light falter fills her with some kind of fear and despair that she cant put into words. it reminds her that no one is above helplessness, and that at the end of the day youre just as capable of abstracting as everyone else. i think, when she finally sees your fake demeanor finally slip when you thought you were totally alone, she feels bad. i mean shes your partner, and she didnt pick up on any hints that may have indicated your true state of health. i dont think she would try to force you to speak, as much as i want to say that she would try to push for you to talk about how you feel i think her attempts to reach out to you would fall on deaf ears. i think she would put her hand on your shoulder, making you jump back to the present moment. its an awkward gesture, with the jester herself being a little lost with these new feelings... i think you two would just sit in silence
JAX:
similar to pomni, he feels this intense and unexplainable pang at the sight of the most hopeful and brightest person in the circus crumble. ive already said it but ill say it again, its like being splashed with cold water, with how hard that sinking cold feeling hits him. makes half hearted attempts to cheer you up. its not that he doesnt care, its that hes stuck in the shock of seeing the happiest person he knows flip into... this.. for a split second he thought you were abstracting, that pit his stomach becoming colder for a second before he realizes whats going on. ive said this before as well, but jax is not the best comforter, in fact i think he might be one of the worst out of the main cast. but i think so far for the characters ive written for this post, he makes an effort to try to pull you up out of your hole. at least he lets you cry your feelings out, and he wont make you feel bad for doing so
RAGATHA:
stands there in shock like pomni, before immediately rushing to your side and tugging you away from a coat stand you were kicking and beating. hands on your shoulders she tries to snap you back to the present moment, trying to tell you that shes here. any feelings of the helplessness that she shares with the previous two characters is shoved down. this isnt about her, its about you. runs her fingers through your hair, if your digital body has any, and just. rocks you. when you finally calm down enough to be able to form clear words, she reassures you once more that shes here for you. the two of you stay in that position, holding onto one another for the entire night. i think it should be said, but for most of these theyre going to try to keep a closer eye on you and make it a point to ask you how youre feeling. ragatha especially.
KINGER:
it reminds him of queenie. the sight brings back so so so many terrible memories. for a second he doesnt even register that hes standing in the present, standing in your doorway. stuck and frozen for a solid minute before you finally notice him, and you hold each others gaze. finally, you crumble. what was the point of hiding your mounting anguish now that it was discovered by the one you care for most? at the sight of your crumpled form i think kinger would snap back, and rush to your side. he's pause, afraid that you would abstract like the queen, before forcing himself to push through that fear in the back of his mind. a moment where he is not fumbling with himself or shaking; be it because he wants to be there for you or perhaps he still holds some guilt aimed towards himself for not being able to save his old queen, he refuses to leave your side even if you tell him to leave. theres this caution in his actions, mixed with this sort of determination to make sure you're okay. like ragatha, he would make it a point to make sure you're okay long after this incident
ZOOBLE:
zooble would probably be the only one who doesnt make their presence known to you while you're in that state. not because they wont care about you, in fact they care about you a lot. but theyre so unsure of what to do, that they give to you what they would have wanted for themselves, if they were in your shoes. they want to grant you privacy, and to at least keep a shred of the now ruined façade you had been putting on for everyone. if it means keeping it will give you comfort, then they wont take that away from you. they wait outside your door, waiting for the height of your episode to pass before cracking the door open. they dont say anything about what they had just heard, but you seem to know that they know.. i mean they came in so soon after you had calmed yourself down enough.
"are you okay?" a dumb question, but what else was there for them to say? you so obviously werent okay, and you likely werent for a long time. they offer to leave, to give you some time to pick yourself back up, but they also make it clear that they wont go anywhere if you dont want to be alone. the night is tense and awkward, filled with conversation before they eventually broach the topic... i think you guys would develop some sort of secret code. i mean youve been hiding your true feelings for so long, and outwardly saying you need help would compromise that mask you put up for yourself. be it a certain sentence or arrangement of objects, you two come up with a indirect way of asking for security
GANGLE:
she feels so helpless, the most out of everyone. she tries to get your attention, but her words fall on deaf ears, if they even manage to pry themselves out of her mouth. far too weak to pull you away and keep you from hurting yourself, but too soft spoken to bark out a word to draw your attention to her. truly, she feels useless. she isnt able to capture your attention until you finally notice her. similar to kingers part, you fall. she takes an unsure step towards you, hands half raised in front of her as she debates if you want to be touched or not. she settles to sitting in front of you, just barely holding eye contact... she looks down when you tear your eyes away from her. finally finding her voice, i think she would ask if you want her to stay, or if you need anything. she tries to word it the best she can, but she lets you know that she doesnt think any less of you for your outburst. it happens to the best of us, really it does. if you want her too, she wraps herself around you and tries to soothe your shaking form
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smallestapplin · 2 months
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Kaveh and Alhaitham omegaverse hc
I was going to do more but it's late and I'm so tired. But I'd like to hear anyone's thoughts, opinions, or asks! ^-^ might make more later.
Btw this is separately. Lemme know what ya think.
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Kaveh
- hot take, Kaveh is actually a alpha, he just doesn't act like a jerk like most do because that's just not him, it's just his secondary gender to him, nothing more.
- He envies omega's and their ability to make such comfy structures. He tries to make nests but gets embarrassed at how well he makes them he destroys them and never mentions it.
- He's very picky about scents, but it makes him so nervous about what he smells like or how other's perceive him after hearing a few omegas mention how they love the scent of their alphas.
- He smells sweet like honey, with subtle scents of the coffee he drinks. However his sweeter mellower scent gets drowned out in all his nights at the tavern trying to drink away his stress.
- Kaveh grows distressed easily, which sours his scent in more of a burnt popcorn smell which shoos other's away from him on accident.
- You two started off as friends before anything, just the cute omega who worked at the Tavern, his harsh scent and drinking made you worried, so slowly while making his drinks you'd talk to him. You aren't surprised at how much he opens up, but it surprises him how kind you are letting him vent like this.
- Sometimes you'd even meet him outside of your place of work and get shocked at just how wonderful he is without the drinking, you don't mind, but he holds a conversation better without slurring his words.
- One thing led to him asking if he could court you, and how could you say no when he made you a mini scale model of a garden?
- His nesting habits come up when you come to his (Alhaitham's) house, to his room and see the nest he forget to take down.
- He was stressed last night and being covered helped!
- "I-i hope it's not a turn off or anything! I just, I get stressed and sad and these are nice to have to feel safe, you know?"
- You do, you make stressed nests all the time.
- But you don't move, which worried him, until you look at him and gesture to it "Can I join you in your nest?"
- Asking like any mate should.
- "Yes! Yes of course! Oh i hope it's okay and up to your standards-"
- "Kaveh, it's your nest, not mine, I'm just happy you are letting me inside it, I'm honored.'
- You comment on how good the structure of the pillow walls are and how comfy the blankets are, and it ends with your alpha curled around you, dozing happily with you in his arms, nuzzling into your neck scenting you.
- He purrs loudly, it fills a small room with noise if it's quiet enough, but its so cute.
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Alhaitham
- another hot take, he is an omega. He hates leading, hates being the center of attention, loathes it when people ask him for anything, he just wants to be left alone with his work and to leave.
- However is never misses taking his heat suppressants, never misses taking any scent blockers, and doesn't even touch nesting matieral. To everyone and anyone he is just a moody beta.
- His scent is hidden, at most he smells like fresh paper, ink, and his shampoo. However if you were to smell is original scent it would be sage and orange, it's pleasant but not too strong, though you'd be able to point him out in a crowd from it alone.
- He rejects his secondary gender to the nines, he's seen how omegas get treated and hounded after and he's just not interested in finding anyone to date or mate, he will be damned if he's expected to be some stay at home omega either.
- No nesting items aside for whats needed for his basic bed, just two pillows and two comforter, and that so he can switch them when one needs to be washed.
- Since he is on surpressants he doesn't have his heat,, he avoids it like the plague, which he is thankful for cause it's just a nuisance in his eyes, he sees no purpose in having one, and he's is one of a handful of lucky ones that can afford it.
- His friendship qith you was a slow build. You two started off as 'you're the only coworker I can tolerate.' To occasionally chatting just before leaving for the day, to one of you hiding in the other's office to pretend to be talking something over to avoid people, to small hang outs outside of work even if you'd do most of the chatting, to coming over to his house (and promising his roommate not to speak a work.) to him denying he has any feelings for you.
- You are another omega who gets where he is coming from, and the only person who knows he's an omega too! So he swears it's just that you two have something to bond over.
- You two only started a unlikely courtship after he had been avoiding you for weeks, and you locked yourself in his office to explain himself, his calmness just annoyed you further and further until he broke at the sight of you near tears.
- You thought you were losing your friend, and honestly he did too.
- You walked out of his office with a bright smile and one of his favored bookmarks as a small claim.
- You give him gifts all the time, which he thinks is not needed but he can't help but feel touched by the fanart you always gift him thinks he's mentioned wanting to needing in passing.
- You two take it slow, but you both mesh together well, it's clear to see how you two fit together like a puzzle, one easily picking up one thing the other lacks, it's like watching a well oiled machine in action.
- He finds your scent comforting and often likes spending time at your house than anything,, it's drowned in your scent, how can he not love it?
- He watches you build a nest so effortlessly and beckens him in. His heart flutters, knowing this is a big step and a huge sign of trust, even if his expression doesnt change much.
- He likes cuddling with you face to face or you laying on his chest so he can still read, but he always keeps an arm around you, or is at least touching you in someway.
- Everyone knows you two are together just from him walking into work smelling like you, or because you barge into his office or wherever he is reading to scold him for leaving his lunch.
- His purr is silent, you'd never know he was purring unless you pressed your ear to his chest.
- His scent is safe with you, and you know you can rely on him to help you with your heats.
- Though neither of you know how that one will work as omega omega relationships are rare, and there isn't a guide book (he's looked.)
- But you two will get through it together.
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oh-my-may · 2 years
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Kageyama & Oikawa reacting to their long distance s/o surprising them after a match
requested: Oh my GOOOOD your request are open!!! 👀❤️ I thought about a reaction with the Haikyuu boys (you can choose the characters). Their long distance s/o surprises them after a match!!! A cute reunion!!!
A/N: I honestly didn't know who I should pick so I just went with the first two whom I had ideas for haha hope u don't mind. While writing I realized how much I was writing for every character individually but I definitely still have ideas so maybe tell me if I should make this a series? which characters would you like to see?
Also this takes place after the timeskip since I don't feel comfortable writing during their High School years anymore so SPOILER WARNING for the manga.
pairings: Kageyama Tobio x gn!reader, Oikawa Tooru x gn!reader
warnings: not proof read
word count: 1k
Reminder that my requests are open :]
Kageyama Tobio:
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The MSBY vs. Adlers match was all people talked about in magazines, the TV, the radio, social medias... at least in Japan, that was. Since u were studying abroad you probably wouldn't have caught wind of it if your boyfriend wasn't the star setter of one of the participating teams. It was all he talked about. Or wanted to talk about, you noticed. He seemed to not mention it as often in front of you as he may have wanted to. The reason for it was simple: You couldn't be there for one of the most important matches of his volleyball career. Or so he thought. You had an important exam that day and couldn't push it, given that it was one of your last motnhs before graduation. It almost killed you to not mention even a tiny word about how the exam was actually a week earlier so you could be there. It was supposed to be a surprise, after all. You tried to act nonchalant yet sympathetic when you talked on the phone and he was talking about practice, mentioning Ushijima and Hoshiumi. Occasionally the latter would just snatch the phone and chatter to you about Tobio's antics. "Y/N you realla gotta come to the match, or else Kageyama-kun might explode because he keeps all his feelings to himself!" or "Sometimes he caresses the ball all weirdly as ifimagining it's y-". You really had to laugh then, not a single one of them had a clue of your plan, only Hirugami did because you had to plan the organisational matters of your trip with him.
On the day of the match you were basically dizzy, you were nervous for Tobio but excited to see him again and the general buzzing of the crowd didn't do any good at helping to calm your nerves. There was a discussion you had with Hirugami about wether or not it was better to have the reunion before or after the match and you came to the conclusion it was better to do it aftrer in order to not "ruin Tobio's mental state" (his words, not yours, yet you still had to grin). So you let the crowd carry you, got some snacks, met some of your old friends but had to tell them to be quiet about your plan and then quietly sat down on your special place that Hirugami secured your ticket for: A perfect view of the court, yet hidden from sight of the players. The snacks you got were unnecessary, given that the match was so intense that your stomach did flips. Before the match even completely ended you got up and got ready to be one of the first people to greet your boyfriend. You braced yourself for his mood, since it seemed the Adlers were about to lose this match. Yet Tobio didn't seem to be in the worst of moods - He got to play against Hinata, after all. You couldn't surpress the smile on your face any longer when you heard the final whistle that signaled the end of the match. Yes, the Adlers had lost, but the most exciting part of the day was yet to come for you. And for Tobio, you hoped. Journalists, interviewers and other fans immediately gathered around you and pushed towards the field, where the players were talking to each other after the match, but it was just seconds until they would leave the field to make interviews. When it was finally time the crowd immediately formed a tunnel for the players to get through. Hirugami was first, leading the team, spotting you and winking at you. When Tobio brushed past you as last one in the row, you couldn't help pressing out a "Hello there, stranger."
It took him a few seconds of realisation. First he kept on walking two more steps, before he recognized your voice. His face scrunched up in question, before he stopped abruptly and turned his head to the side you were standing on. You couldn't stop grinning now, tears of joy threatening to form in your eyes and a lump forming in your throat when he completely turned around and his eyes immediately landed on you as if he just knew. You didn't move, or maybe you couldn't, but neither did he. People around you just kept looking between you and slowly realized themselves what happened. You giggled while tears were now slowly streaming down your cheeks. Tobio was always so awkward, it got better over the years but now, in public, after an emotionally wrecking game he just seemed overwhelmed, but so were you. "You dumbass Kageyama! Move!" That was Hinata's voice coming from somewhere behind you. He had grown a lot, yet now he still jumped up and down rapidly to see you. And Kageyama took the hint, didn't even care he took an order from his friend and just charged right at you, embracing you in his arms and pressing you so closely to him that it knocked the wind out of your lungs. You inhaled all the sweat he had built up from the game but honestly didn't care, there was a slight scent of his shower gel somewhere too. The best sensation were those strong arms over your back and around your waist, his heartbeat beating against yours, heading for a world record with that speed. The first cameras were going off around you and you knew that Tobio usually didn't like you or your relationship in the public, but this didn't matter to him right now. You felt his throat move against your head and it hit you that he was probably holding back tears right now, trying to understand what was happening. "Did you like the surprise?", you whispered with a shaking voice, still pressed against his chest, so your voice only came out muffled. But that didn't matter, it was only for him to hear. "You're such an idiot for this.", he whispered back, but you knew he meant well so you just laughed and pressed even closer to him, if that was even possible. "I'm your idiot though, so that makes it bearable." "Wouldn't have it any other way either."
Oikawa Tooru
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It's been three months now, since Tooru left the country to play volleyball in Argentina. You hadn't visited him yet, your semester has started and you were busy with accustoming to your new living situation, and so was he. But you missed each other dearly, now that the big excitement was over and you could only rely on facecalls in different timezones. That made it even harder to stay in contact, you were often awake during completely different times, not seldom did one of you fall asleep during your calls. It was such a harsh contrast to High School, where you saw each other everyday, that one evening after a call you spent the rest of your night crying and planning your first trip to him. The smile on his face was genuine to only a certain extend when he had told you about his first game with his new team Atletico San Juan. Deep down he was sad you couldn't be there to watch him, as you were there for all his games in school, even if it was just a practice match. And this time you would also be there, you decided.
The theory behind this trip was easy enough, imagining yourself back in his arms. The actual thing however? You've never been to Argentina and your lovesickness had made you stupid enough to not plan everything thoroughly. You got a hotel room, good enough. Only until the day of the match though, hoping that Tooru would shelter you afterwards. You also got your ticket for the game, obviously. Everything else was left unplanned. You couldn't speak a word of Spanish, so the journey to your hotel was already adventurous enough. Luckily the staff at the hotel could converse with you, and that's where you planned to stay until the big day, anyway. As soon as you fell on the bed your heart began to pound. You were under the same nightsky as him again, and it would only be a few more hours until you actually got to see him again. It was so real now that your found yourself breathless for a moment. Did you even still know how to act in front of him anymore? Nonsense, you just had to be yourself. Yet, surely both of you had changed. Talking to someone through a phone was one thing, but seeing them in person again after months?
The only person you had told about your trip was Iwaizumi who you'd suggested should join you, only for him to decline being the third-wheel. You were so lost in your thoughts before sleeping that you completely missed Tooru's daily call. You had 7 missed calls and even more texts from him and gulped looking at them the next morning. The last thing you wanted was for him to worry about you on the day of his big game, so you quickly went to call him. Of course he picked up right away. "Babe! I was worried you didn't pick up!" You made up a stammering excuse about leaving on a trip with a friend for the day and only now returning, given that it was supposed to be night time for you now, or so he should think. "Well, I hope you dream about my success in the game." You grinned then, suddenly all excited and giddy. During the call you were already getting ready as you listened to him rant about his sleep and morning warm-up. "I'll be cheering you on even in my sleep, Tooru. Promise." That seemed to have satisfied him. He kept on talking though and you had a hard time guiding through this foreign city. You had to make up the excuse of having the TV on in the background. When he finally hung up you almost arrived in front of the arena and felt your heart almost beating out of your chest.
The moment the teams got on the field and you actually saw him live and in person and not through a screen your knees would have given in if you wouldn't have been seated. You couldn't even care for how the game went, really. You had missed him so dearly, his movements on the field, his mannerisms, his face, his smile and eyes. His hair had gotten a bit longer, you noticed, but it suited him in his new uniform. After the game was over (ofc they won), you were unsure of what to do. There were already interviewers bundling up around the field and fans were ready to get signatures on merch. You found it best to wait outside of the arena, hoping that at one point your boyfriend would come outside. You watched as groups of fans came streaming out one after another, until it got less and your hands started to fidget with the railing in front of you. As you watched the last line of fans come out of the big doors you noticed the team bus of the opposing team coming out of a side entrance, so you figured that team conferences were over now, as well. You gulped. Only a matter of time now. For a bit of distraction you looked down on your phone, only to find another text from Tooru saying "We won!" and you smiled as you typed an answer. Until you almost dropped your phone when two familiar arms - have they gotten a bit bigger? - found their way over your body from behind you, pulling you to a hard but warm surface. "What a naughty girl you are for lying to me about your whereabouts. Thought I wouldn't have noticed my beloved s/o in even a sea full of people?"
Tears formed in your eyes immediatley when you felt his heartbeat against your back and his warm breath brushing your hair next to your ear, sending a shiver down your spine you haven't felt in way too long. A quiet sob is all taht came out of your mouth before you turned around to face him and pulled his head down maybe a bit too rashly to press your lips against him. "I missed you, I missed you, I missed you." was all that you could mutter in between kisses and he just hummed in agreement as he chased your lips everytime you leaned back.
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xlunacloudiax · 2 months
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Heart of two friends.
Description: Juan invites Y/n to his apartment to help her overcome artistblock. A special bond forming between the two friends finally blossoms into something more as they realise their feelings for each other.
About 6k words. Took me SO LONG to edit, and even longer to find courage to post. Please enjoy a slow but deep romance with Juan Ruiz. 🫶🏻
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" So I was thinking... Maybe we could- " The door to Juan's apartment swings open and Y/n wanders in. Her thoughts are immediately replaced with surprise admiration. " Woah, nice place. I've already enough inspiration just by walking in here. "
Juan enters shortly after her and closes the door, silently locking it behind his back. He watches her soft hair lightly bounce across her back as she smiles contently at the room before her. Finally, he's got her alone with him. He's relieved he can spend some time with her after a busy week with Dr. Burke and the others, but he feels a pang of nervousness.
It's just them two. All alone. In his apartment.
" Yeah, it's okay I guess... Sorry I forgot to clean up the uh- " Juan apologizes. Perhaps he's just shy? He doesn't want to dissappointment Y/n in anyway.
" No it's fine, really. It's neater than my place in the mornings. " Y/n flashes a genuine smile that comforts Juan from his embarrassment. The bubbly nervous feeling in his stomach, which he only recently noticed, eases a bit. " Did you know that a person's emotions are first felt in gut before the brain registers it? " Y/n adds as if she could read his mind, it lightens the awkward mood a little.
Juan shakes his head and chuckles. He drops the keys into their usual spot and follows Y/n at a safe distance. " That's so random, but I didn't know that. "
For some odd reason he always feels calmer around her, so much that he worries little about the chupacabra's sudden appearances. The urge to transform seems almost completely surpressed and instead replaced by the frequent urge to be closer to Y/n.
The only present worry lurking in the back of his mind is Darcey. How will she react after hearing about Y/n's arrival at his apartment? Even if they're no longer dating for months now, she can sometimes be... obsessive with his personal life and friendships. He has to be careful around her. He doesn't want to make her feel any more insecure, but he still wishes she were less suspicious about him nowadays. Even after what happened between them, Juan still sees her as a friend.
" Hey, where's Darcey by the way? Isn't she here today? " Y/n's sudden questions break through his contemplation and he shakes his head. He was dreading those words.
" She's probably out with her friends. I don't know. " Juan chooses his words wisely. He doesn't want to think about Darcey right now. His mind flashes back to his last meeting with her, and the argument they had. He really wishes to forget about it. They've both decided to move on and it seems better that way. " We're not living together anymore. "
An awkward silence descends upon the room and Juan bites his lip, wondering whether he said too much or not enough. It's been half a year since he broke up with Darcey, but he never really talks about it. Y/n lightly pats his shoulder and the sudden touch sends electricity throughout his body. " Sorry. I didn't know she moved out. "
" No, no it's alright. That was more than a few months ago anyway. Things are better this way. "
" So it's just us then? " The words slip off Y/n's tongue and it makes Juan's heart skip a beat. His previous concerns are immediately erased. Odd, he shouldn't be feeling this way ... He hasn't known her for very long, yet it feels like it was meant to last a lifetime. His attraction towards Y/n is nothing new, but still seems ethereal. He's felt it resonate in his bones since the moment he approached her. An eager yearning to get to know her. Their fondness has grown throughout the past 2 months, and the feelings have become more familiar to handle with time. Yet they remain unbeknownst to Y/n.
Is it wrong to feel strongly towards a friend? It's not like this is a movie or anything.
" Yeah. Just us. " Juan releases a shaky breathe and shows her to his study. Y/n follows closely behind and he stops to allow her entry first.
Y/n walks around and observes the room. The surface of his desk was neatly scattered with sketches and portraits seated placidly on stands. A mirror and a large collection of expensive pencils and pens arranged in a holder next to a pile of drawings. A few shelves with books stood bythe side of the room. It had a comfortable lofty style showcasing all of Juan's sketch ideas, some finished and others work in progress. " Oh, this is lovely. It's like your inspiration domain. " Juan stands behind her in the doorway with a shy smile. " So is where you get all your great big ideas onto paper. Really nice. "
" Yes. " Juan agrees with a small hint of pride. " I'll be right back. " Dissapears into the main room for a brief moment. Y/n gazes thoughtfully and meticulously at each artwork, admiring the unique details that depict the artist's hard work, all the while thinking of how talented Juan is. He's worked hard to reach his success, and not many people recognise it enough. All the hours he's spent writing, planning, drawing, and all the hundreds of hours of practice. This room is a special place for him. A big black sketch book on the desk catches Y/n's attention. It lays closed, concealing whatever is inside it like a secret, taunting her. Something whispers in Y/n's mind to open it. _Surely this not invading his space, right?_ Her hand reaches out on its own, her curiousity too strong to resist.
She flips through a few pages, briefly examining the immaculate drawings of hands and eyes and different face shapes. Until she comes across a particular page that peaks her interest. A familiar face jumps out at her, the curves and tones so perfected it stands apart from the paper. Y/n stares at the drawing as it feels like it is staring back. Her heart squeezes in her chest and fills with an unfamiliar warmth once she recognises who it is.
It was a drawing of her.
Y/n feels tears prick the corners of her eyes as she considers ever line and little detail added to the small portrait. Nobody has ever cared to notice such detail about her before, let alone take the time to make an artwork of her. For the first time, as she gazes at the beautiful artwork made by Juan's hands, she realises just how deeply the emotions behind such an act could mean. And her heart is touched with an underlying hope.
Juan returns carrying a dining chair with ease, and places it down next to the desk chair. " Sorry, no autographs." He jokes and Y/n quickly turns the book cover with a small chuckle to swallow her sudden tears. She watches him intently, dark brunette curly strands of his hair fall infront of his eyes and spring up as he stands again with a sigh. " This is now your workstation. " He gently guides her to sit on the desk chair, curling his hands on her upper arms. The warm feeling of his touch lingers longer than it probably should, but it's quick to lift as soon as she sits down. The brief contat leaves a tingling spot on the skin underneath her sleeve.
Juan seats himself beside her on the dining chair.
" Oh- isn't this your chair? "
Juan smirks and leans forward closer to her face, his gaze meets hers, his shyness melting away. " The best way to learn from a teacher is to view the lesson through their eyes. " He shifts closer and extends his arm to grasp another large leather book on the desk, this time a navy blue cover. He opens it to reveal an album of portrait sketches in various perspectives, similar to the one Y/n had peaked into a few moments ago.
Juan carefully watches her face and smiles at her reaction to his work as they page through the book. Each unexpected compliment and question makes his heart flutter. " So, what's your technique? " Y/n finally asks and tears her eyes away from the portrait to gaze at him curiously. Juan feels warmth radiate inside him at her soft expression towards him, he almost doesn't hear her question clearly. " Can you show me? " It's like he has an apprentice. A very pretty apprentice.
" Alright. " He leans back to grab a specific pencil from his stationary shelf and sits closer to Y/n to demonstrate. She watches his movements attentively throughout the lesson, but barely asorbs the explanation. The sturdiness of his wrist as the pencil presses a line to a blank section of the page makes her knees feel weak for some reason. The veins lightly tracing his hands as he holds the slim object in a skilful manner. The strength shifting in his grip when he flicks his wrist in different directions. A few moments later, Juan pauses and swings the pencil towards Y/n's hand, resting it between her fingers the way he previously held it. " Is this comfortable for you? "
She focuses on the intense warmth of his hand gently placed on hers. Her mind almost short-circuits for a second. She nods. " Okay. " He whispers and slides closer, carefully stretching his arm around her shoulders and holding onto her hand with the other. She can feel his warm breath on the side of her face as he further explains the lesson, and the tickle of his curls against her forehead. Her heartrate beats like a drum as his firm hand steadily guides her smaller one across the page. His instructions are clear and concise. A faint musky scent enthralls her senses and her mind feels fuzzy. They are so close to each other now, faces merely inches apart. Y/n is barely able to keep focus, but she manages to capture the just of everything.
After completion, the intensifying warmth retreats along with Juan's hand. Y/n stares at her work feeling pleased.
" That went by like a breeze. "
Juan smirks playfully at her. " You're a faster learner that I thought. "
Y/n gasps decides to play along. " What's that supposed to mean? Your technique is easier than I thought. "
This time Juan gasps and places a hand over his heart. " I am offended. " He jokes and it earns a chuckle from Y/n. What a beautiful sound, he thinks to himself with a smile.
Juan abruptly stands up and heads for the main room. " You hungry? " He asks halfway to the kitchen. Y/n spins in the chair and watches him through the doorway.
" I guess so. What've you got? "
Juan, rummaging through the kitchen cupboard, pauses and looks up to face her. " Have you ever triednachos? "
Y/n in return snickers." Tried? I grew up with nachos. Though not the kind you're probably thinking of. "
" Oh? What kind then? " Juan frowns slightly in confusion but keeps his smile plastered on his lips. He wonders why he can't stop smiling around her? Juan picks up his desired ingredients alongside the chips on a tray. He places them on the kitchen island and quickly prepares the sauce. A moment later Y/n approaches and seats herself on a barstool in front of him. " Different chips? "
" Yes, a little unusual but very tasty. My mother's recipe. " She snatches a single chip from the preparation tray and crunches it. Juan props himself on his elbows and observes her thoughtfully as she explains the process of how her family used to make it.
" Interesting. I never thought you could use that. " Juan takes a chip, his gaze remaining attentive on her movements. She nods, bashfully, feeling his intense gaze. " But you know, the best part of the flavour is in the beans. " Suddenly an idea hits him, and he turns to fetch another topping. He returns with a little bowl of what appears to be sour cream, and places on the tray. The conversation continues. It is nice to finally have someone to talk to. Juan's normally used to being alone or being interrupted, but not with Y/n. " Did she add any spices? "
" Hm. Yes, and sometimes even nutritional yeast. But that tasted more like cheese. " Y/n replies with a glint of nostalgia in her eyes. " Actually, I remember the first time she she added sweet chilies. It was so good, it became one of our favourites. " She bites a chip covered in sour cream and is pleasantly surprised by the familiar spicy toppings. Juan, who's eyes have been carefully observing her facial expressions, gives a pleased smile upon noticing her delight.
" I thought you'd like this. You briefly mentioned it a few weeks ago. "
Y/n smiles appreciatively at the thought of his attentiveness. " You remembered that? "
" Of course. I pay attention to everything you say. " Juan takes a final chip before stepping around the counter. " That's how a spy works, isn't it? " Juan jokingly adds and takes the seat next to her.
" Oh, so you're a spy now? Ironic. I thought I was the only one. " Y/n decides to play along, speaking in a proud accent.
" Mmh, now that's a problem. Two spies spying on each other with a plate of nachos? "
Y/n chuckles at his statement. " And what's all the information you've collected so far? " Juan squints his eyes at her with a smirk, he leans forward until she can feel his warm breathe hit her face.
" Do you really want to know? "
She blinks innocently and smiles, daring to lean forward as well and resting her chin on her palm. The tension gradually building in the air between them. " I don't know. Is it confidential? " A deep hum resonates from Juan's chest and stands up again.
" Well, If I told you then ... there would be some consequences. " He opens the fridge and takes out two cans of some soft drink to show her. " Have you ever tried this? "
" No. You're giving me a lot of new things lately. " Including these feelings.
Juan passes the drink over the counter and their hands touch for a moment. It's like electricity flowing through the simple contact, a subtle but evident connection completing a circuit. There's a tug inside Juan's heart, like he wants to hold on to her. What is wrong with him, he wonders.
That's when he notices the thin, fresh, red lines draping across the tips of her delicate skin.
" Hey, what happened to your hand? " Juan asks concern in his voice. Y/n pauses and looks confused in response before realisation clicked in her mind.
" Oh. This? It's just cat scratches. " She giggles sweetly at the memory.
The internal tug in Juan's heart becomes nearly unbearable. His heartrate speeds up as temptation settles in for the simple desire. Maybe this will be okay? Unsure of the strange feelings developing inside of him, Juan takes ahold of Y/n's hand. His warm muscular fingers gently press along the peculiar lines. Y/n nearly flinches in surprise, her breath hitched in her throat as her heart skipped a beat. Her mind is overwhelms itself like a highway of thoughts as he continues to gently rub and trace the scars.
" I didn't know you had a cat? " He says in a soft tone, slightly deeper than before.
" Oh, well it's not exactly my cat... " Y/n begins to scramble her thoughts together. Juan listens attentively. " It's a stray. Her original owner was one of my neighbours, but the lady recently had an accident and has to live in a wheelchair for a while. I offered to take care of the cat until she recovers. She was very grateful for that... "
" Aw, that's sweet of you. "
Her eyes follow the movement of his fingers. Y/n notices the great difference in temperature between the both of them.
Of course, her mouth speaks before her mind. " You're so hot... "
" W- What? "
Heat instantly rises to Y/n's cheeks in realisation of her own words and she's overwhelmed by embarrassment. " Oh no- I mean, temperature-wise. " What is wrong with me? Y/n cringes at herself for the misunderstanding.
" Oh.. " Juan chuckles, understanding it was meant differently. His eyes flicker to hers and the obvious blush dusting her cheeks. What a pretty colour on her, I wonder what else will make her blush... Juan wonders why he is thinking this all of a sudden? But instead he continues to rub her hands, focusing on the fading cat scratches as a distraction. He can't deny it, he just wants to feel her skin for as long as possible.
Unfortunately their time spent together is cut short. " I have to go. It's getting late. Thank you for inviting me over. " Y/n's soft voice interrupts and Juan slowly feels a pang of panic arise as she retracts her hands and stands up.
" Wait! Before you go... " Juan calls after her fleeting form and he calms a bit when she stops and turns to him. She needs to stay longer. I can't let her go. Please not yet. I don't want that feeling to return... He clenches his fists and gathers whatever excuse be can think of to keep her there. His mouth gapes like a fish but words don't cooperate. So instead he settles for the next best idea.
Juan dissapears into the study for a moment, and returns with another magazine-sized book. He holds it out to Y/n. She takes it from his hands with slight interest. Juan switches on the hanging lights above the counter to assist her eyesight, ones that Y/n notes are quite stylish.
" What's this? " She asks curiously.
Y/n opens the book and reads the first page, only to notice it contains inked pictures. Her eyes widen in realisation and Juan smiles as he watches her excitement grow. " Oh my goodness... " Y/n flips to the next page. " This is one of your comics! But it's brand new? " Her fingers glide over the intricate black lines. She looks up at him with uncertainty.
" It's all yours. "
" Are you serious?! " Y/n's eyes light up and she hugs him. Juan feels an odd warmth grow inside him at her reaction and he encircles his arms around her. Her body fit right into his arms, almost perfectly like a puzzle. Like it was meant to be. Suddenly the air feels thicker again.
" I thought it'd be better if you had more examples to learn from, you know? "
" No ways... Thank you so much. " As she thanks him , he takes the time to relish in her scent.
That flips a switch.
A deep urge inside him silently begs not to let her go. Make her somehow stay in his arms. But he has no choice. He forces himself to detach from her dainty frame as she steps away. His chest aches inside as he attempts to ignore the desperate cries for her touch. It was almost so torturing that his hands began to shake under his balled fists.
" You're so talented, you know? I wish my stories could be visualised. But I don't have the time. "
There it is. Another compliment gracefully falls from her lips. Juan's chest overflows with the familiar warmth, one that often infiltrates his heart whenever Y/n is close by, he realises. It's a newly uncovered feeling that he hasn't even felt towards anyone before.
Perhaps she is a really special friend? He used to think, but now, he's not so sure anymore. Now, all he knows is that he needs to bring Y/n closer.
" Don't worry. I know you will some day. You just have to keep motivating yourself. Your story is good. It's you. That's what makes it so special... " Juan's eyes travel down from her glossy eyes, to her pouting pink lips, her revealing neck, and then to her arms. He has a strong urge to comfort her physically to, but he's afraid of making her uncomfortable, so instead he reassures her with his words. His opportunity to hug her has already passed. It's like a lump of stone sitting in the back of his throat, he struggles to gulp it down as his mind threatens to lose her if he doesn't do something more.
Y/n stares at him, feeling encouraged by his honest words. She smiles sweetly. " Thanks Juan. "
His eyes couldn't help but stare at her graceful figure, and the unique features of her face. Her beautiful hair that shines soft like silk in the lighting above. Her avoiding eyes hooded with naturally long lashes. They are the windows to her emotions, but can't express just how beautiful she is on the inside. He thought to himself. If only he could tell her... He could write an entire book about her and call it 'Y/n's heart of gold, Juan's heart of her'. He doesn't care how cheesy that might sound, that's how he feels around her.
Again he feels an inner tug, pulling him forward as a need to be closer to her. His increase in heartrate, beating like a drum against his ribcage. Is it the Chupacabra wanting to come out? He worries, but can't suppress the temptation to caress her cheek. It's like a different side of him is threatening to overtake. A build up of emotion about to spill like a cup filling with water till it reaches the brim.
That's it. He gave in.
As Y/n turns towards the door, Juan's arms reach out and prevent her from exiting. Her hand that lands on the doorknob is captured by a firm grip, and her fingers are laced with the man's strong ones. Juan's other hand raises itself to gently cup her cheek. She looks confusedly at him as a blush creeps onto her skin under the touch of his warmth. His face inches closer to her own, his dazed eyes boring into her with an intense gaze of longing. Y/n is left utterly speechless, except for the few words that managed to escape her lips.
" Juan? What are you doing? "
Juan remians silent, in thought. He stares endearingly at her. His eyes are almost glossy as he slides a strand of hair out of her face. Now he can see her beautiful eyes more clearly He doesn't understand why he is so enthralled by her, but maybe it was just her? Maybe it doesn't matter either. Words of apology linger on the tip of his tongue and after a while he doesn't hold some of them back. " I'm sorry, I can't... resist you... "
The eager longing inside of him overrides his senses and he pulls her towards him. His lips attack her soft ones and he unintentionally roughly shoves her against the dark wooden door. It was so sweet, so comforting, so right. His body moulds into hers as the satisfaction of his craving is met. His craving for her touch. Her comfort. Her understanding despite not yet knowing the truth about his alter ego.
How he stalked her that one night in his Chupacabra form just to be sure she arrived home safe. How he stopped that guy at the restaurant that tried to hurt her. How he was the one who defended her that night Dr. Burke's house was attacked. How he cared so much for her and admired her kindness and empathy for the people around her, despite not being able to express herself well. How he yearns for her to feel the same towards him. She was so pure in his eyes. Like an angel he thought he never deserved to meet. Oh, how he wishes he could tell her all this. How he truly feels about her.
The kiss doesn't stop. All the deepest unspoken emotions between the two flood into the each other like a dam wall bursting into a tumbling waterfall. It is passionate, other people would say, but in the hearts of the two it means much more than anyone can fathom.
In Y/n's mind, she knows this is dangerous. Being alone with a guy so dear and allowing him to kiss her? Logically, it was just a recipe of risks. She felt so uncertain, yet her heart felt so at home. But Juan wasn't just any guy, and this wasn't just a kiss. This is the one her heart has long yearned for to find, at last encased by his loving arms. Two fates destined to be entangled. The person she has prayed to meet since she was first able to grasp the meaning of love. The warmth of his lips traverse her her jawline, a sensation her body has long been seeking in her subconscious. She doesn't know why she isn't feeling threatened. Normally a slight touch attempted by a man would make her skin crawl in disgust or uncomfortability. Perhaps this is just the right man touching her, and her body knows it. Feel down, she knows this feels right somehow.
But her morals kick in and hesitation rises in the middle of the sweet sensation. She still needs to be careful not to let it go too far, no matter how good it feels.
She places her free hand that isn't holding the comic book firmly on Juan's chest, lightly pushing him away. Unfortunately he is just too strong for her and keeps in place. The longer she stands cornered by him the more temptation eases its way to give in.
No. She recollects her stance. I can't stay... It's too risky. What if he doesn't feel the same way?
Juan, sensing her hesitation stops and whispers words of reassurance as he leans into her neck. " Hey, are you okay...? I won't do anything you don't want me to. " For a moment she is comforted but her worry remains and battles with the intense feeling of bliss and the relaxation of her muscles in his hold. Her silence makes Juan retreat a little and scan her face for any sign of discomfort. Fearing that he's crossed a line. " I'm sorry... Please, just stay a little longer. We don't have to- " Y/n's voice is choked by uncertainty, but she shakes her head.
She can feel his warm breath lingering over her neck as he waits patiently for her answer, his lean muscular arms holding her dainty ones and she notices one of his thumbs rubbing along the top of her hand in a comforting manner. Their position against the door in such close proximity, the heat radiating off his body envelopes her like a blanket. Realising the strength he has over her in this moment is frightening, yet he remains gentle with her. Even asking consent to continue kissing her. " Will it be okay if I stay? " It's almost impossible to resist. Temptation is right at her doorstep and perhaps that isn't such a bad thing. Such a stupid thought to have in a situation where her body has but a single threatened cell aching to leave.
That is all it takes for Juan to hoist her up into his arms, her legs crossing over behind his back for support. She yelps at the sudden action until she realises where he's taking her. Her voice returns to her, almost shaky and out of breath from the continuous kisses. " Woah, I don't know if I'm ready for this- "
He tosses her onto his bed. Then he proceeds in removing his jacket. Y/n's heart skips a beat and she wonders where this would lead to.
Discarding the piece of clothing on the floor he climbs on top of her. Y/n stares wide eyed, unsure of what to expect. Slightly fearful but also excited. This experience is all too new for her. She just lays still and awaits whatever he plans to do. Her heart feels like it is dancing in her chest. Is he going to...?
Juan stares at her with dazed eyes, trapped in his arms beneath him. She looks as innocent as a deer in his eyes. Unfortunately, he's hunted such an animal before... but he'd never dream of doing such a thing to her. She is too precious. And he hopes the beast inside him agrees. He could see that Y/n trusts him. The last thing he wants to do is break that trust.
" You look so frightened. Have you never been kissed before? " Juan asks while caressing her fallen strands of hair out of her face to
" Not by you. "
He smiles again. He presses his lips onto hers again, this time softer and slower. He travels down to her neck and lightly sucks it between kisses. Her shoulders gradually relax, enjoying the tingly sensation.
Y/n reaches up to his curly hair and runs her fingers through the tousled strands. That seems to encourage Juan as he shifts his towering position over her into a tight but gentle embrace. Once again she is encircled by the comfort and safety of his strong arms respectfully in their place around her waist and back. Thumbs massaging at her sides and sending butterflies fluttering throughout her tummy. Juan quietly and breathlessly chants her name between kisses from her lips slowly traveling her neck, from the back of her ear down to her soft and sensitive shoulders. During this moment, this loving gesture, Y/n longs to know for certain how he truly feels.
After a while Juan lays himself next to her and keeps his arms draped over her smaller frame. Panting and breathless, the tension between them slowly dissapates but the thickness in the air tugging in his chest remains. His head nuzzles her neck affectionately, and he sighs at peace. Y/n gazes at him lovingly, with a mix of bewilderment and pensive. She never expected to experience love this way... And especially not from her dear friend Juan. That seemed no further than a dream to her.
She needs to clarify with him soon. She needs to know for sure.
" Juan "
Y/n whispers breathlessly.
" Is that all you're going to do? "
Juan chuckles at the unexpected question. The sound vibrates throughout her body. It feels so calming and yet contains so much strength. Her knees feel weak despite currently laying down. " What do you mean? Do you want me to do more? " He gives her a teasing glare.
Y/n's face flushes. She avoids the look on Juan's face as it just made her blush even more. Turning over to the other side, she gazes out the window to recollect her thoughts as her heart rate gradually relaxes. Juan watches her intently and holds her hand, lacing their fingers.
" I told you, I won't do anything you don't want me to, remember? " Juan searches her eyes and senses that same hesitation from earlier.
Y/n shifts under his embrace to face him, her gaze now serious from contemplation. " Juan. Tell me. Was this just a 'makeout'? "
Juan smiles at her straightforwardness. " I guess you can call it that, yeah? " He lightly caresses her forehead and presses a chaste kiss on the side.
" I mean, did it... mean anything more to you? " Y/n musters up the courage to ask, her stomach twists in anxiousness of his rejection.
Juan meets her gaze affectionately, searching her eyes again. Something is blooming between them it goes much deeper than the physical.
Juan's voice breaks the silence. " I'm still trying to figure things out between us but... it did, to me atleast. " Juan props himself up on one arm. The rest of the words hang in Juan's thoat and he all he can do is gape like a fish. He looks towards Y/n expectantly, scanning her soft features for the response they're both searching for. Her beautiful eyes bore into his and entrance him with their eager filled emotions. Needless anything to say, he understands what she means, and his hope that she feels it too has been fulfilled. The connection between them, is mutual.
Y/n forms a smile of pure bliss upon realisation and snuggles into his side. " If this is a dream please don't wake me up. "
Juan chuckles and she can feel it resonate throughout his chest like a deep rumble. She feels elated, as if they're lying together in the middle of a grassy field on a warm summer afternoon. The rise and fall of Juan's chest comforts her thoughts and she feels like an invisible weight has been lifted off her shoulders. He feels the same as he gently cradles her in his arms. The silence providing a peaceful atmosphere between them.
Y/n's thoughts remind her of the drawing she found earlier and her heart rate picks up pace again. Should I tell him? I might as well. She wonders where it will lead to but she doesn't waste time and gathers her words with much effort.
" I found your drawing. "
Juan leans back to gaze down at her in mild confusion. " Which one do you mean, love? "
Y/n's heart flutters at the nickname he gives her and looks up to meet his eyes boldly. " The one you made... of me. "
In an instant of realisation, Juan's cheeks heat up to a pinkish shade. He is at a loss for words. " H-How did you..? " His breathe hitches in his throat and causes him to stutter. Now he looks embarrassed and tears his gaze away from her with much shyness. Y/n reassures him by gently placing her hand on his face.
" It's beautiful. " She replies with such genuine sweetness in her voice, Juan's heart could melt right on the spot. Y/n can feel the heat radiating off him by now and he attempts to hide himself in her palm. But he quickly turns the tables by pressing sloppy kisses into her hand. A hearty laugh erupts from Y/n's lips.
" What happened to your shyness all of a sudden? " She asks in between giggles. Juan laughs along with her, thinking what a beautiful sound it is to hear her laugh. He promises himself to make her smile that way every chance he gets.
" Shyness? I'm not shy! " He attempts to defend himself but his uncontainable smile gives it away. " It's just- really hard to talk to a pretty girl like you. "
Y/n pauses and looks up at him teasingly in response to his flirtatious compliment. " Oh, so you're like this with every pretty girl then? " Juan's smile fades a little and his heart clenches at the thought. He gazes at her earnestly with undoubtedly loving eyes.
" No. Only you. " He cups her face in his hand and presses their foreheads together.
Y/n's laughing eases and her heart fills with warmth. Her usually avoiding eyes now wonder up to his own without hesitation, capturing hers with his intensity.
It is the first time they've made such eye contact in a while. Where sparks seem to fly, now the glimmer they share is like a dancing flame.
Both their hearts skip a beat. To Y/n if feels like her entire body is frozen in place under his endearing gaze. To Juan it feels like someone has gifted him the most precious jewel in the world. Her beautiful eyes who's always actively ignoring every attempt of eye contact, has trusted him enough to rest upon his own with such adoration. It's like a romance in a comic book, except this time it's real. They can reach out and they can feel each other. They can know each other. And they can be with each other despite all odds. Never would Juan have thought he'd be so genuinely excited over making eye contact with someone before. He couldn't tear his gaze away even if the world were to end that very second. This is too special of a moment to break. To meet your lover's eyes and know exactly what they're thinking, as if peering through a glass window into a person's soul, and seeing that they reciprocate.
" Your pupils are dilating. "
" What? " Juan chuckles at Y/n's random statement. She tends to do that often. Lighten the mood. " Where did that come from? "
" Oh, I read something about it. A person's pupils dilate whenever they look at someone the love or hate. "
" Well in that case... " Juan leans down to her ear and lightly kisses the earlobe. " That probably answers both our questions again. No? " The last words he whispers in Spanish and Y/n can feel the tension between them slowly rebuilding. She steadily holds his gaze and her heart leaps upon hearing his next words that reflect her own.
" Te amo..."
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I'm crying inside. If you made it through this... 🥹 Thank you.
(Btw, the picture above is from a sunset in my neighborhood after it rained a while ago.)
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lucy-dulap · 15 days
Text
Requinted Friendship
<Previous _ Index _ Next>
It had been 3 days since Lucy got dropped in Paradise Lost and they already got attached to Gamigin. Even though Lucy was perfectly healthy, neither them nor Gamigin wanted to part ways.
At 6 in the morning, Gamigin sneaks into Lucy's room, making sure that none of his brothers see him. He walks to Lucy's bed with a silly smile trying to surpress his giggles. He wanted to wake up his patient with a spook, play a prank on them if you will. He inhaled and decendent his arms on Lucy who suddently turned and tackled him.
Gamigin screamed at the sudden jumpscare as Lucy started maddly laughing. Losing balance, Gamigin fell to the ground, Lucy on top of him. For a moment they just stared at eachother, trying to gauge the other's reaction, but that was soon replaced by the lively laughter of the two teens in the heart of the hospital.
"Did you drink the dew on the way here?" Lucy took one of the tears of laughter in their eyes and handed it to Gamigin who dutifully licked it.
"That's the reason I wake up so early every day." The dragon licked his lips and started stroking Lucy's face pinching their cheeks and cooing. "Humans are so soft... and so pretty and so smart and so interesting and... you're perfect." Gamigin's rosy blush spread all over his face as he looked up at Lucy, whose head was illuminated by the strong LED lights in the room, making it look like a devine halo was adorned on their head.
Lucy had no words and just ackwardly got up and set back down on the hospital bed. "Eh, not all humans are good. Some are awful. And the worst part is that humans sometimes do things that hurt you... for no reason."
Gamigin kneeled in front of Lucy, his head between their thighs and using one of them as a cusion. Lucy was playing with Gamigin's blue locks, twirling them, pulling them, messaging them, to Gamigin all of Lucy's touches had the same calming affect on him.
"Do you think humans are inherently evil?" Gamigin was genuinely curious. Since he's never met a human before and he rarely heard anything about their land, he was more than happy to hear any tid bit of information about this foreign species.
Lucy looked at the wall for a while. They had previously pondered this question, especially when they were younger, but they could never come up with a satisfary answer. "Maybe some of them are. I don't know, there's over 8 billion people on Earth and I've barely talked with 2000. I doupt we could ever find an answer."
Silence set in the room, but, unlike the one at home, this one felt comforting. Even when nothing was spoken, the message was clear. Lucy looked down at Gamigin and they felt puzzled. This... creature could make them feel so vulnarable. Were they opening up too fast again? The last time that happened was with... Lucy would rather forget his name, just like he probably forgot their's already.
For some reason, they just felt like trusting Gamigin. He was so genuine, so honest, so passionate about everything that it was hard not to open up to him. Gamigin was what Lucy wished to be. He was perfect.
A loud knock disturbs the duo, and before Gamigin could question the identity of the visitor, he made himself known by barging in. Ppyong and a very grumpy untied Marbas entered the room.
Marbas groaned and lazily gestured towards the two youngsters which were in a very compromising position.
"Thank you so much, sir Marbas! And sorry for waking you up like that, aye!" Ppyong waved at Marbas who dragged himself out the door, closing it with all his might.
"Shunks, we just fixed that door last week." Gamigin whisper, as he got up to great Ppyong. "I'm sorry, sir, but this room does not accept visitors." Gamigin spoke firmly, putting on his professional doctor façade on. That always made Lucy blush.
"I was sent by his Majesty Satan which talked with his Majesty Lucifer and they both agreed to let me visit the child of Solomon." Gamigin was still not that persueded but an order from Lucifer is to be respected and abided by.
Ppyong flew to Lucy's bed and the two started chatting as Gamigin looked from a distance. He sat next to Lucy eventually, finding comfort in the proximity between the two.
"His Majesty Satan really wanted to see how you were doing since he dropped you off here,but those damn angels attacked again. They caused such a ruckus that all the nobles in Gehenna and some from Tartaros have joined forces to try and stop them."
To be perfectly honest, Lucy didn't really care. They went to hell to die, them getting this far was already stepping into unplanned teritory. The only thought in their mind was hanging out with Gamigin. Finally, something Ppyong said made sense to them.
"His Majesty Satan made it possible for me to go to the human world and get you something if you need it. He realised that maybe you need medicine we don't have in Hell or something."
Gamigin felt personally offended by that statement. "We don't need medicine in Paradise Lost. We use real power to heal our patients. Lucy doesn't need drugs to cure them." Even though Gamigin was a laid-back guy most of the time, there were certain subjects that would make him instantly turn serious.
But Lucy's mind was sharper and they immidietly got up and started writing on a small paper. It was a letter towards Minhyeok, nothing fancy, just a request for some old CDs.
"Does Paradise Lost have a CD player?" Lucy asked from the other side of the room.
"I think Lucifer might have one in his office. He likes collecting antiques."
Lucy turned to him with a triggered expression "H-hey, they're not... that old. I mean, I grew up watching CDs daily."
"Human technology is based on hell's tech so all of it seems old to us." Ppyong tried to clarify but Lucy pushed the paper in his face. "Tell Minhyeok that I sent this to him out of familial platonic love and that it's a 78 emergency! Now go!"
Ppyong grapped the paper and rushed to the human world. Lucy turned to Gamigin and pointed at him.
"You! Go make popcorn. I am going to indoctrinate you."
Gamigin laughed and did a mock military salute before trying to open the door... which fell off as soon as he touched it.
"Aaaaand this is why Marbas isn't allowed in the hospital untied."
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Lmaoo one archon ready to put Neil down if he looks at her the wrong way, the other swooning over Johnny. Yeah, that seems right.
Like Britta needs more shame??? Goddamn, let this girl just be for once. 😭
Wynn 😭 this is all making me very sad. I need my babies to be together please.
Poor Miles, proven again to be just a pawn in the game of his sire and the camarilla. For someone who needs control so much that must be incredibly hard to deal with, especially with Neil's revelation and everything from last episode to boot.
Lmaoooooo Neil just focusing on getting Britta's stuff back from Pendragon in all this. Of course he would focus on the lost items. Our sweet little hoarder.
Oh my God, she's telling them!! and Wynn isn't there. Also Johnny 😭 you're such a sweetheart goddamn. I love his use of iron heart always to comfort the others. He's the best dad.
Of course our 5 humanity bb doesn't know. 😭 Also Britta feeling so guilty and apologising. "I think I can get my jacket back, Neil." goddamn that really got me.
Lmaoooo Johnny! 😂 Breaking the tension.
Miles, pulling away from everyone, trying to surpress all his emotions, pretending they're not there, focusing on the practical and rational.
We. Cannot. Lose. Wynn. I REFUSE!
Neil, wanting them to remember Wynn didn't want this.
Johnny, getting info from Tully, kind of taking over Miles's job in smoothtalking and stuff, but doing it his way by calling them narcs.
It makes me sad any time they talk about the nosferatu just leaving Fester behind. And it makes me like Renwick so much more. He did care.
Miles saying Johnny so sharply. (listen this is all very distressing I need to focus on the kernels of goodness okay to distract myself from despair!)
Okay I shouldn't have said sweettalking. But I know Johnny is trying his best to talk.
Speaking of trust, Noooo Neil😭😭 also I'm sorry you found out, the whole point was you were never supposed to find out. That is not an apology Neil! I hope you know that.
Ohhhh the long pause and then the angry but calm "I wasn't supposed to find out?!?"
The tearful "okay" when Miles says he doesn't want to talk about it now but after the siege.
Miles shrinking away from Britta's offer of comfort, pulling himself back in. God so sad.
God and now we're at Wynn. Goddamn she's forcing Wynn bloodbonded to her??? Oh boy Wynn hates this. And she can't even fight it.
Oh no eye contact, that must mean something bad.
NO NONO they cannot make Wynn do this. 😭 Why does she have to kill Miles. I don't want this to happen! To have Wynn sacrifice Miles to save the rest. Again feeling powerless. Just yesterday she wanted to meet the sun and if she had she wouldn't be here now having to do this.
Also how has he defied them multiple times??? He just did one little diablerie and sanctioned a bloodhunt in new York. That's all!
Is it better or worse to be enslaved to do this? She can't even be able to talk about it??? How are we going to stop this then?!?! 😭 She's a weapon instead of a killer, but I don't think it feels better.
Future missions??? She has to do even more after all of this????
No no no nonononono. I don't like this! This all feels very final! Like there is no way to get around it. 😭 I thought we were having fun, hurting the bbs a little, but this little is a whole lot and I am not prepared.
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dinosaursatemymom · 9 months
Note
I'm the anon from yesterday, and I have to say in s4 canon, Nancy was helpful. Yes, it could have gone a different way, but she should get credit for moving the plot in that direction. She shouldn't have gotten the credit for finding the articles and the music theory that was Robin, but the initial hint was on Nancy.
It's still questionable how she got the information, tho, like she isn't a reporter she writes for the school paper. She shouldn't be out there investigating a murder scene. That article wouldn't have even made it into the paper, given it was about a student, and the principal would have shut it down immediately. Idk what her plan was besides being nosy.
I'm also still thinking about the s2 plot, and it just doesn't make sense to me. It's even worse that Nancy's half-baked plan worked because it framed Steve as this bad boyfriend for not wanting to help her. Like their major argument that painted Steve as uncaring about Barb was that he didn't want to get revenge on the lab and that he wanted to live his life as normally as possible. That him shutting down Nancy's idea is him surpressing her trauma, idk it makes me want to scream. He went with her to Barb's family every week, and he tried to cheer her up, to say he didn't care about the situation is just wrong. Also, why is Nancy's way of coping the right way? Steve should be able to adjust his life in a way he feels comfortable. Nancy went along because she thought it would help her. It's not like Steve pressured her into anything. He thought his way was helpful, and Nancy didn't communicate it better to him. (Like she still can't communicate properly, i.e., Jonathan or Robin in the library, who asked her if she hated her, and Nancy just ignored her and rolled her eyes.) Steve can't read her mind so he was under the impression everything was okay. I doubt he would be malicious and shut down Nancy's grief. He was concerned about Nancy's destructive ways of getting revenge because it was dangerous.
The lab was set up to be scary. They killed people for knowing too much in s1. Steve was totally reasonable for being scared. And then they made the lab into something dumb that it got infiltrated by two teenagers who even let it slip they wanted to expose them. How on earth was Nancy able to get that recorder inside? And why was Jonathan okay to go through with everything after Owens explained and even showed them the huge mess. Will and his mother went there every week, the people were trying to help his family. Jonathan had no reason to help Nancy besides getting some brownie points in her book. It was ooc for him to go against his family and put others in danger. Nor did it help the plot or Nancy. It was never discussed how incredibly stupid and selfish it was of her to go against them that way. Like she put her family and everyone involved in danger, plus the entire town. But it was framed as her being super smart and brave when it did more harm. Nancy didn't even deal with grief. There was no real discussion about Barb with Jonathan, only her admitting that she waited for Jonathan to make a move so she could get away from her boyfriend. I wish Jonathan had said something so Nancy could be able to examine her behavior.
I think what makes her plots so frustrating is that she doesn't grow as a person with them. She is still the same character since s2, who gets her little investigation plotline, which is unnecessary because the other characters are able to get there without her anyway. What is her arc? A grieving teenager who lost her best friend? It's never truly discussed in the show. Otherwise, she can use a useless weapon. She isn't the smartest person who can piece stuff together. Robin was only there for 2 seasons and yet was more helpful with her wits than Nancy. I wish we could get an arc for her next season, but I doubt it tbh.
Also this and the last anon was quite long, and I apologize. Sometimes, I get carried away. I feel like you can't really discuss this topic because people will hunt you down and call you names. I really tried liking Nancy, and I think if she were better written, I would love her because she has potential. But because her being perceived as flawless in the show (and fandom) contradicts with her actions, it makes her incredibly unlikable.
You're right, Nancy was helpful in s4 and I shouldn't discredit her for that. Although I do believe the plotline could've worked without her.
Nancy is just constantly trying to get the story no matter what, even if it could get her fired.
Yeah, I didn't like her plot in s2, it just didn't make much sense to me. I definitely agree about Jonathan. I really don't like how nearly everyone bends over backwards for Nancy in the show, even when they logically shouldn't(Robin). I think a lot of the problem with Steve is that the show is trying to make others seem in the right and Steve in the wrong while also making him likable to the audience because the duffers don't want to kill him off.
Yea, it was really weird that all of a sudden this top secret highly guarded government facility didn't search two teenagers. Especially considering the lengths we've been shown that they'll go to in order to keep confidentiality, ie Benny.
I would absolutely love to see an arc for Nancy!! Contrary to what my posts may make it seem, I think Nancy's character held a lot of potential and has been poorly written for the past few seasons. Her being written as this flawless badass who everybody loves kinda makes her seem shallow and annoying. If the show could acknowledge her faults and figure out a nice ending for her where she actually shows some growth I would absolutely love her character. I really hope to see something better for her in s5.
It's totally cool, I like long asks anyway! Feel free to shoot me an ask anytime! You're absolutely correct about not being able to dislike Nancy without being hunted down and called names [(I know you're reading this, you know who you are. Get off my page and block me and the tag, stop harassing me. Im not gonna like Nancy because you call me a misogynist or a bitch, that's gonna make me like her even less)<--not targeted towards you anon] Yes! The fact that no one holds her accountable is the reason she doesn't grow because she's framed as constantly being correct.
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alarrytale · 4 months
Note
He's sending out mixed signals. Since he's not naturally stereotypically gay presenting, like Louis is for example, he's not even recognised as gay by his own community. It's his own community calling him out. His fellow queers.//
That’s exactly why I will always have doubts about his sexuality while Louis is basically my comfort person because no matter that he has whole ass kid as his stunt for years, I have never questioned his sexuality because of his flamboyance and mannerism. When I’m worried about H, I look at Louis and his “I love him, I hate it” or just seeing him performing his love songs about H and it immediately comfort me that everything’s alright and they are alright and still the same. But when I look at H himself, he’s just too straight passing to make me stop wondering and questioning about his sexuality. And makes me worry what kind of stunt shenanigans he’s willing to do to keep appearing straight to gp. And even when queers, his own community, is feeling like they need to call him out, that’s just something…idk, but I would expect at least them to some kind of protect him. Please don’t come at me for this, but I’m someone who’s larrie for short time and before that I never thought about H other way than that he’s simply straight and just into extravagant clothes. Diving into main larries’ blogs and Harry’s sexuality tag caused some sort of revelation for me and it was like 5 mins before I became Louis’ fan and slipped into the larry rabbit hole at the same moment. I understand that H and Louis’ closets are very different because their careers and fame is different, but I’m just worried that altho H might fought to be where he is with his queercoding and being himself, I’m still skeptical about him and worried that he will go into some lavender marriage etc because it will be easier and better for his career than idk be officially “single” for at least an year without having rumours that he hooks up with every woman in his 2m radius.
Being new larrie will always have 2 layers of worries for me. 1st layer if they are still together and 2nd layer if they aren’t together, what if H actually end up with some woman as a way of giving up after year and years of fighting and staying in his closet until the end of times.
Ugh, I’m sorry if my thoughts are all over the place but I hope you’ll understand what I wanted to write.
Hi, anon!
I think it's so funny because i feel like most of this fandom has the opposite problem in reading H and L's sexuality. They read H as gay/bi no problem (even non-larrie harries do!), but they don't recognise it as easily in Louis.
I've said this before, but Louis has naturally stereotypically gay mannerisms, but he's masking it by presenting an overly masculine and laddy persona. With Louis you need to catch him unawares and in comfortable settings for him to relax enough to show himself as he is. He can also get away with singing i love him i hate it, without it being tabloid fodder. The gp won't know.
With H he needs to put on an exaggerated flamboyant persona to make people get what he's trying to put down. He's straight passing, so he needs to double down on the queercoding and femininity for people to get the picture. Some people read his doubling down as him being gender non-conforming or a very femme gay man sleeping in silk negligees. He might be, but i just read it differently.
I think they're together and have been all this time. I don't know how to assure you other than showing you the repeated patterns of behaviour and try to make you see past the stunts and heavy gaslighting. They're both proud gay men trying to survive and be themselves as much as possible in a hostile environment trying to surpress their real personalities to make their label money. I don't think H and L will ever stop fighting, or making their work environment better for themselves. Harry has gotten gayer and gayer on stage. So has his songs. I think his next album will be assuring to you. There will most likely be songs in respons to fitf there. It will be fun hearing his side of the story!
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ramthepanda · 4 months
Text
A gift and inspiration for @inconsistentracoon .
Be mentally prepared for this delicious of an angsty snippet! Panda hopes you enjoy! ✨🐼✨
⚠️ This story is quite triggering so please proceed with caution!!!⚠️
Not made for kids
Contains sad things. A lot of sad triggering things. ⚠️ ⚠️ ⚠️
— 👑—
How shattering:
Sora curls inwardly into himself trying to keep the remaining pieces of himself together.
He tries to gulp a sharp intake of breath. He tries to surpress how much this actually hurts. He didn’t want anyone to know. He didn’t want his friends to know…. He didn’t.. want… Riku to know.
And Riku does come in his line of sight. His eyes blurry and hazy through the pain. He could see the dark smudges and unhappy look on his face.
When did he last sleep? He needs rest Sora thinks to himself. But he couldn’t-Wouldn’t risk of speaking for fear his barely suppressing the pain down.
He doesn’t understand why this was so sudden. One moment he was laughing and leaning into Riku. Watching the stars pass by in the garden of the land of departure.
The next was an onslaught of pain in his chest.
He thought those days of nightmares, long healing processes and chest pain were long gone.
Apparently not though.
The pain rate Sora would have to say was not as painful as it was before… But he would say it was more… pronounced? Particular?
The feeling was as if a million shards of cracked glass- tiny slivers were shifting. Like a broken as if the glass of a shattered glass that was only being held together by the plastic film or glue.
But it was ever shifting. Ever changing. Always moving. Like waves of an ocean of some kind.
Sora shifted and rolled into himself even tighter if that was even possible at this point.
He felt Riku shift the blanket and tucked it tighter around Sora. Making sure he was warm and comfortable.
He held up a bottle of water to Sora’s mouth and tried to coax Sora to drink some more water.
Whatever this was rendered Sora with almost a nonexistent appetite and sleep being scarce due to the pain in his chest.
Riku was at his wits end trying to figure out how to help Sora.
Little did they both know that their bond as bonds tended to do shared a little of each other the same way.
Riku’s anxiety and worry would be fuel to Sora’s constant worry. And Sora’s stress and means to try and fix the worlds in a self sacrificing manner would fuel Riku’s anxiety.
“Sora…” Riku calls as he tucks Sora under his chin. “What do I have to do… please tell me. This doesn’t make sense”
Sora shivers and closes his eyes and falls into a restless slumber but is soon soothed as he listens to Riku’s heart beat lull him to sleep.
Rage. It was rage. It was always rage.
Rage and Sora stared each other down. Both looking equally angry.
“What’s going on? I thought your here to protect me!?” Sora shouts at rage.
Rage stares at Sora for a while and then looks down at a tear in the glass mural below. A deep fissure. Rage traces his claws on the edge of it.
Sora notices that a thin string like spider web was extending from rage fingers. A neat criss cross of them between the cracks.
Was rage… trying to sow his heart together?
“What are you doing? Are you… trying to mend me back? Like I used to be?”
He could never be. Like he used to be.
His body, since he had come back wouldn’t heal like he had used to by spells. His stamina was not as abundant as it used to be. His strength would gradually return he knew as well as his magic but… Sora didn’t think he’d be at peak performance like he used to be.
Suddenly, a canopy of voices, thoughts flutter around and bouncing off the walls of his heart station.
Weak. Useless. Worthless.
So worthless… not a master.. not worthy.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. Rage?
“Sora!” A distant voice called out.
No. No. Please no. Leave me be.
I’m useless. I’m worthless. Let me… fade…
And with a sudden sharp intake of breath Sora wakes up. Pain takes him to new heights.
“It’s… it’s not.. rage…” Sora mutters to Riku as he stares into his worrying eyes. “It’s me…”
— 👑—
And that’s it folks. I just wanted to write something really angsty. The ending is free for you guys to wonder what would have happened next!
Hope ya liked it!
Chao!
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mobolanz · 7 months
Note
For the oc/self-insert x canon ask game: 💕 and 💧 You know I love Evelyn x Reiner but feel free to answer for your other ships as well!
Ah this should be interesting!:D obv I'm going for the precious babes here but also this really got me to move the gears in my brain so I'll focus on them xD 🍎🛡️
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💧: How well do they comfort each other when they’re upset? :
For both of them I believe this can be summarized as "pull themselves closer, and therefore be in reach, nevermind what the world says. (Play that one
In reiner's case for example.
Let's assume Evelyn "stormed" out of another room followed by her guardian & boss making a condescending commentary- bonus point if it's outright triggering regarding Evelyn's life before being taken in and occupied under her order. He'd be relieved to have found her to begin with. But catching up wouldn't be a challenge ; Or just spotted in the corner of his eye by herself a while after a similar occurrence. As soon as his presence becomes felt and known, either from behind or as he sits next to her, bluntly remarking "didn't think you'd be here" (immediately implying he noticed something unusual) -and that shaken, and whispery tone of her response as she tenses and avoids eye contact, saying it's nothing tells it right away to him.
one light touch from his big hand to her shoulder causes her to gasp and loosen completely. In a matter of minute or two her face are stained in tears that gathered up there. The denial that comes from how restrictive as if something is inherently wrong about them she is towards her own feelings wouldn't do- no room for listening should he say anything simpler to solve like "Don't just listen to anything she would spout" - so first step would be to get her to allow him undo and that it's safe enough- sign that he's not here to get all judgemental & try needlessly lecturing her but rather the opposite. So long as they're alone take the opportunity to lightly turn her in his direction and puts his arms gradually around her figure in a hug, finding himself lower into it like protectively wrapping around and shielding her.
In Evy's case
it's an initially reluctant approach- what good would it do? What can she say? How's a touch even going to soothe it instead of surpressing it until next time? What does she know or pretend to understand if she's never been there when everything that tore and ate at him took place? AS IF she cam help in return just as much.
But she'll figure that later- now it's more important to ensure it won't be too late for her to even ask and she'd regret for a long long time about now doing this earlier and then have a real reason to see herself as an idiot. Because THAT image kept playing in her mind over and over. (Once it was his multitated and unhealing body on the ship, then the of her guardian telling her he'll totally face consequences for the operation's failure, to seeing his unhealing comatose body after finding falco during the liberio raid, with the overhead words 'no will left to live' ringing in her ears.) she finds herself like being shoved by some force in reiner's direction. Her hands are shaking but she leans onto him while grabbing to his coat, as soon as he becomes aware of what she's just doing evy already stretches her arms to cup his face, a single finger stroking his cheek on the side to spot any tears she couldn't see from there. Staring straight at him.
One it'd either end with a playful fake pain but quiet "oww. Didn't know you had it in you." And forceful laugh Or/in a matter of seconds like in the previous scenario, thumbling slowly to beginning to sob quietly as it catches up to him . She's like the living embodiment of what he wanted once arriving too late, and the opposite of what he thinks he need (because she's really only treating him the way he does with her- not judgement and condemnation) but still feeling so damn amazing and real, and actually full of meaning and worth holding on to- (like what he actually decides to do with his life) but the knowledge he can't and it's not his to have is all sorts of tearing. That light touch , maybe even embrace stings as much as it soothes.
💕: Who confessed first and how? Did it go as planned or did shenanigans ensue?:
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No but like you see this is something I can't quite place where and when would it happen and how to initiate it. Especially considering thee whole thing between them is supposed to be a secret/very much restricted (I say as I keep giving yhem tender scenarios) . Somewhere in the 3 years between return to marley and the war? Before or after the liberio raid where reiner visits injured evy in the hospital as a result after he wakes up? AFTER the last battle? (Nahhh)
There's also the factor that by the circumstances (The 13years term & conflict especially) Reiner would see no good out of starting to persuade a relationship with her, also for her safety and respect and image as much as not him chasing another unachievable pointless dream doomed to never happen and only resulting in pain and disasters for others and himself.
But the constant reminder he has to give himself every time he sees those turquoise eyes shrouded in dark circles would probably get him to a mindset of "getting this over with" , where he'd tell her- and hope the sultry feeling leeching on his heart and mind would die in an instant like the last two times (but it didn't with them either) the spark would be replace with disgust and anger- come on, say you're sick of me. and tear the fantasy yet again, to remind him it was stupid (but isn't that what love is about?) And deluded to imagine even he can have such life with what he is (for the third time ever by now). It's too good to be true, for his own good. Maybe even slap him to let that sink in.
Give himself a reason to leave.
But his mind can't illustrate that picture
It always just shifts into a completely different person
And it never comes either. The shift from awe to hatred. It's just not her she's not like that- he never once severly hurt her before either, but she WOULD even be deeply hurt had she known this is what he was hoping of her to do.
Evy's just someone that entered his cabin in the ship back to marley the night they sailed to treat someone she didn't know- not kick his multitated body and spit venom in his face for being a pathetic failure that doomed everyone.
He takes a step back to lean on a nearby wall or a pole. Looking up at the empty ceiling or vast sky. Clenching his teeth followed by a heavy sigh as he looks back down, to the floor and then her.
That , depending on where I choose to place it, makes it either a relief- or thousands-million times worse.
Did... did I figure that out while typing???D: gosh forbidden love I fuck with it so hard <\3
Okay guess the answer is... Reiner confessed :").
~OC / Self-Insert x Canon Ask Game~
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arziaisfrench · 1 year
Text
▪︎ IPKKND Ep 29 recap : Arnav is so worried about Khushi
"Di, please, I don't want to talk about Khushi now."
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For the first time Arnav accidently reveals to his family how Khushi occupies his thoughts. He was so worried about her, he didn't pay enough attention to hide who is stealing all his thoughts ! And he gets so embarrassed lol , he keeps all their interactions a secret.
Not because he feels ashamed (or anything like that) but rather, I think, because he wants to keep their relationship his secret garden, a way of not having to share her with others.
He's also, for the second time, making a weird transfer between Lavanya and Khushi. They were asking about Lavanya but he spoke about Khushi instead.
He uses Lavanya as a way to surpress or hide what he feels for Khushi (the first time was when he was trying to supress the lust he felt for Khushi by getting intimate with Lavanya).
This is honestly so fuc**d up, and that's one of the few things i really dislike from the writing.
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When he was touching gently the cut on his hand, he definitely was thinking of Khushi, about how vulnerable she was, how he touched her face for the first time.
And what's even more meaningful about this scene is the next one where Khushi precisely is dreaming of him touching her face. And I think she dreamed of it exactly at the moment he was thinking of it ! They are already so connected emotionally and they aren't even aware of it. uuugh this is so romantic !!
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Do you remember the first time Khushi dreamed of Arnav? Well, my theory is that at the same moment, Arnav was thinking of her !!! (ep9)
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Their behaviors in that dream mirrored their next actual real interaction in the parking lot !!! (ep14)
That's why both were excited to argue lool she dreamed of it while he thought of it !! Poor Khushi tho hahaha in her dream, she was with a much more passive Arnav looool giiirl went back to reality real quick !!! 🤣😂🤣😂
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"I don't care about love. I know very well what I'm doing at every moment of my life. What you call love, that feeling has no place in my life. I'm saying this cause I don't believe in anyone else more than me."
Remember his words : "I don't believe in anyone else more than me" ! He deeply means them. They're very VERY important to understand the future episodes and his behavior with Khushi. He used to not trust her. Now, he's more incline to start believing her words, not trusting her fully tho.
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These words also in my opinion explains why he lets her fall in ep16, and I wrote about it : "It’s the intend to demonstrate the trust they hold for one another. By letting her fall, he’s cutting her little trust she has for him and he’s giving up on the little trust he has for her."
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Not believing her more than he believes in himself will be the reason he will misunderstands Khushi in the worst way possible in the future.
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His grandma already knows the idea of marriage isn't something he absolutely hates.
"-You chose the wrong girl -I won't leave Lavanaya nor will I marry her because I don't believe in marriage."
He's dating someone he's comfortable with, who lets him be, and is ok with what he wants to give her. Lavanya doesn't ask more (at least for now). He doesn't love her enough to marry her. But he likes her enough to date her.
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But a new problem arrived to him and is messing his initial agenda, Khushi. Khushi is the problem.
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Not only she amuses him as if he was a little boy, but she also makes him feel deep with their arguments about life and faith, she makes him feel like a man, the attraction he feels for her seems to be something he never experienced before, not at that intensity.
She makes him feel so alive.
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Text
I don't know how to let someone love me
I'm scared that if we tried it would break everything
I feel everything deep to the core
I would love you and always want more
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I've always settled for people shallow and self interested
I'm an object to be picked apart
You know maybe you wanted to make love to me
But I'm scared you just wanted to hook up with me
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These games and tests, i don't know any way but to play along
I'm not used to anyone wanting to know my favorite song
I'm still figuring out how to love myself
I have no idea how to open up and love someone else
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Maybe we both dropped the ball
Maybe we're both scared to fall
Maybe I'm delusional
But wouldn't it be magical
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I know you're lonely and I'm lonely too
I don't know to move forward after what I've been through
I'm not even able to deal with my present truth
How could I ask you to love me through this
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Sure I'm a martyr with attachment issues
I'm always lying in bed, drowning in tissues
I live my life like a moving work of art
But I don't know how to share the deepest parts
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I'm scared to love you but how much would I give up
To get us to be there at that point, hearts touching
It's so hard to live here and stay myself
I'm drowning still in everything I've ever felt
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You never asked me on a third date
Your energy felt stale and exasperated
I did the right thing to protect my soul
But was it only to keep myself whole
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I'm grieving for the universe we could have created
For the bliss we might have laid in
For the nights we could have held each other close
For the cigars we could have laughed over and smoked
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There's a universe where you said yes to lay in my hammock instead
You held close every last minute we had, you let me listen to your heart laying there
We would have kissed sweetly and transcended as we did
And perfectly into your arms, i fit
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I suppose until i can find love again, this time one that doesn't surpress my soul
I'll be settling for the comfort of my own arms, my own love to overflow
I'll have to wipe away my own tears as the universe feels unfair
I'll use my own thumb to stroke comfortingly through my hair
-
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hentaifrecklz · 1 year
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Eventhough how cliche this even sounds, no one will EVER understand the things i went through to become the person i am today, the confidence, the way of thinking, the way of looking at life, the purity i have to offer, the way i can make someone feel loved and understood, the way i learned exactly how the human mind works. Its been a horrible ride and its not over yet. Im filled with this emptyness and anger, the constant feeling of a mask being pulled off, the constant battles going on in my mind, the struggle to keep my old self surpressed. I was this negative, depressed, mean, unloveable person for so many years. I have caused so much pain to others, i had to become a different person, a whole new way of thinking and living. Now i cant stop always wanting to help and take care and love people and enjoy life and be the person that makes people smile, id do anything to help people that feel like theyre lost or not loved enough or going through hell, i was once there and i didnt have a person like me to help me back then. And if i love I LOVEEEE, i do so many little things she wont ever even realize i do for her, but its my love for her, i gotta make sure she is always 100% comfortable, loved enough, kissed enough, complimented enough, fucked enough, pleased enough, i devote myself to you once i love you, im your king and your caretaker, i know what u feel before u even realise what u feel yet, i finish ur sentences so u know ur understood and feel connected to me, i always wanna make sure i take ur stress away, transmit my energy and love to you when i touch ur body and hold u tight, every single touch and moment of contact is filled with love. When i hold u or hug you or when we lay together i make sure to let out a feeling of protecting you, making u feel safe, making u feel like ur inner child, making sure my arms feel like the safest place on earth for you. I just wish someone would have this kinda devotion for me. These people always say “but i do tho, i love you so much” and then im like but u dont tho, you think you do. I can feel it when someone has that devotion. There is only one person on this planet who has that for me but we dont speak, have any contact, or nothing from eachother we just both know we exist.
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haruchyio · 3 years
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SET ABLAZED.
— kurokawa izana x reader
— themes. hurt/comfort, word vomit
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there was a time, a spur of a moment in the past, where the two of you—both so young and so inlove—spent your days chasing after the moon and shooting stars with promises of a forever in this unkind world. when time was frozen and unmoving, and you were both suspended in the air as if reliving the day you've fallen for each other hard.
izana kurokawa is beautiful.
izana kurokawa managed to worm his way into your heart that day, and he became your fireplace against the harsh, cold world. mornings with him were the best days you've woken up to, his handsomely sculpted face void of any intense emotion with only the exact expression of peace and drool hanging by his lip. he'd open his eyelids to reveal the gems behind the curtains of his eyelids, and he'd smile at you and ask you what food would you like to eat for breakfast, all the while hugging you closer to his chest without any intentions of letting go.
nights with him were painted across the blank canvas of the universe, and you'd be able to point at each star and pair with it a memory that you've spent with him. those times, you remembered, where the nights you were able to sleep the most peaceful slumber. when he had his arms around you, and it was the heaven you've probably read somewhere in a bible. memories shared with him were also shared with stars, decorating the nightsky for you to gaze at when you felt like reminiscing all the lovely moments with him.
love, however, was never a fairy tale nor a poem. true love doesn't triumph all.
"you shouldn't love me."
you wondered when had it come to this, how the world—so cold, so harsh, and so so cruel—could mercilessly kill someone so kind and beautiful. they had hurt him so immensely to the point that he's questioning his place in this unjust world, and even his place in your heart. they had hurt him so immensely that love was overwritten as pain spreads through his veins like a wildfire, and you worry if you'd even manage to extingiush that fire out before it sear his soul completely. they had hurt him so immensely that it made you angry as you witnessed him break apart under the pressure the universe had made him suffer alone through.
"i don't deserve it."
you inhaled, letting the soft breeze kiss your skin softly. you could feel his piercing eyes on you, and you've stared in those purple irises of his for far too much that you know how to weave your way through. if eyes were windows to the soul, then izana's the vast blue ocean—because he was gentle even as he weeped and begged for a moment of peace from the loudness of the world. now, as he stares at you, they were like violent waves that intended to push you away, but the waves felt more like he was asking for you to stay.
"you do. i'm not going anywhere, you know?"
you witnessed how his hand shakily wrapped itself with yours in desperation. he held your hand so tight, afraid that you'd disappear if he softened his grasp, that you'd slip away from him because that's what everyone and everything that he had ever loved do. you witnessed how his lips trembled to tell lies that you know he's also trying to convince himself with. that this is justified, that he is undeserving, unlovable, and unworthy. you witnessed how his eyes wavered and his piercing gaze softened ever so slightly, blinking away the tears that threatened to show the vulnerability he was hiding from your prying eyes.
how come, even with the world burning around and beneath his feet, izana kurokawa still managed to look so beautiful?
"i'm not someone worth loving. i'm not worth the risk."
you placed a palm to cover his eyes that were slowly beginning to form tears that he tried so hard to surpress as an overwhelming feeling of loneliness washed over his heart shore, knowing that it would break him even more if you saw him cry. "you are worth everything, and i'll spend my whole life giving you all the reasons to believe me."
izana, love, if the world is against you, then i am against the world, and that's a promise i'm willing to fulfill until the end of time.
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© sen (haruchyio). all rights reserved. no work may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means without my permission.
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