#i feel like ive done it recently before that time but i cant remember

[ratvich]

it was really a punch to the gut

#vent #@_@ #still thinking about it..... i shouldnt have pushed him to say it #i really am the common factor in making things worse #i keep rereading the convo and every time it makes me feel sick #i wish i wasnt so stupid #im sorry :( i wish i could be good #ugh at least i got rid of the channel i guess #i need to very much Not complain and whine thats the cause of all of this #oh. and i did that. forgot #makes sense ebcause it was late at night i think.. #i feel like ive done it recently before that time but i cant remember #maybe i was just thinking about the lab video time #whatever :/ as long as i follow the rules it should be fine #i should google some stuff tho to make theres no ***** tho #ok wait im actually kinda worried that ***** will show up uhmmmmmm #cause i did i tighter than usual .. eek >_< i hope i havent fucked myself over UHMMM LOL. UHM

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Propaganda why Alex Eagleston is insufferable:

literally causes the end of the world by being The Absolute Worst and has done so multiple times including his alternate selves. he technically has three (and a half) love interests (cause theyre the only characters he can/attempt to kiss or express any attraction to) and he treats them all poorly first three vella sammy and essentia 2000 are cause hes a misogynist but they all get different flavors of it sammy gets fridged for the plot of the game and is basically never relevant again outside of a secret(?) ending. shes also based off of a real life dead person for no fucking reason. vella is subjected to weird speculation about her age in her introduction scene with alex saying something along the lines of she cant be older than him cause shes too pretty (alex is like 24 and vella 27 from what i recall its been a few years since ive thought about yiik) and has a weird internal monologue about his feminist ex girlfriend prompted by vella just existing. theres a weird scene when alex asks her if shes korean n says she looks vaguely ethnic making her uncomfortable. One Of His Alternate Selves Literally Caused Her To Leave Her Home Dimension Cause Of How Poorly He Treated Her and the context behind that is that to leave the world/timeline/dimension/whatever you're originally from you basically have to be super suicidal and he pushed her to that point by ghosting her for a while and next time vella saw him he was hooking up with a girl noticably younger than her (<- remember this) and immediately after being told this he can attempt to kiss her which has no actual repercussions. essentia 2000 is like technically supposed to be evil i guess but her goal is supposed to be killing alex so i cant fault her on that. the in game day after they first meet alex has like a monologue about how special and attractive she is ""she was like water filling all my cracks"" or some shit. all three girls are alternates of eachother and are on a sliding scale of how objectified they are by alex with who got it the worst depending on which aspect you're focusing on. other sort of love interest is rory (diversity loss!) who alex can attempt to kiss after he confides in him about something when rory is like 18-19 (hes meant to be about the same age as michael whos recently graduated high school) and depending on how alex treats him can literally kill himself and alex's reaction to learning this is to only focus on how terrible he feels before moving on n rory's death never being mentioned again. the whole point of the game is that alex is a piece of shit who cant even buy groceries for his mom without throwing a hissy fit about it but it undermines itself constantly by having characters forgive or just stop being mad at alex on a dime after hes been exceedingly shitty towards them in various ways and any sort of charm or endearing traits he had quickly wearing off due to him never shutting the fuck up. near the end of the game all the other party members are killed off in quick succession leaving alex by himself and all he can do is sulk in self pity before going on a space adventure or whatever to stop an alternate him thats linked to an alternate essentia and enlisting the player as a different alternate him to help fight various superficial flaws of himself (which arent even like the actual things that make him insufferable n a bad person) n then finish the job for him. i need to punt him into the sun

He constantly goes on annoying monologues about things that nobody cares about. In game he is meant to be kind of an asshole, but they never give him the necessary character development to make him feel like a proper flawed protagonist, yet the narrative makes him out to be a character who is ""deep down a good guy"". Also he doesn't seem to care about any of his friends/party members.

"""YIIK"" is a poorly written, irony-poisoned RPG using a real life actual unsolved murder as the basis for an inciting event, altered so that what happened to the victim was some ~scary supernatural stuff~ and also Alex was there being vaguely misogynistic the whole time and monologuing to no-one in a way no real human person thinks uncritically.

The game intends to paint Alex as a bad person, but this is implemented in such a snide and uninteresting manner which has nothing to actually say about him being this way, nor is it at all fun or entertaining to experience.

He has no idea what's going on, blindly following the plot with the vague motivation of being suddenly stricken with affection for a girl he basically called a freak as soon as he met her five minutes ago. He is self-absorbed, lazy and overconfident, constantly bemoaning and ignoring the needs and feelings of others. He is the only character given enough breathing space to have something to him, and yet manages to not even feel any sort of dimensional.

Also his shirt is an ad for the dev's last game.

An incel who always screams about everything and yet is overly pretentious about everything.

Propaganda why Scott Pilgrim is insufferable:

He is not a good person. He doesn’t take other people’s feelings into consideration. He mooches off his one real friend. He’s dating a teenager as a grown ass man. Every girlfriend he’s ever had hates him for good reasons

Stupid idiot

dated a 17 yr old

kind of a cop-out answer since he's like deliberately made to be an annoying person but

#alex eagleston #yiik #yiik: a postmodern rpg #scott pilgrim #scott pilgram takes off #scott pilgram vs the world #insufferable protagonist poll #insufferable protagonist tournament #tournament poll

[hikari-ni-naritai]

3 6 10 11 12 18 21 23 26 27 29 30 31 36 45 50 52 54 55 57 58 59 60 62 69 (nice) 74 76 86 87 90 95 97

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

man . theyre both kinda. painfully sweet. bubblegum i guess? i also like cotton candy tho its just hard to pick

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

i dotn know what like. most of these words mean. how are half of these related even. tomboy.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

man i fucked hard at dodgeball

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

these days shredded wheat

12. name of your favorite playlist?

the fuck is a playlist

18. ideal weather?

yknow, cloudy, warm, smells like its about to rain

21. obsession from childhood?

warriors cats babeyyyy. and bionicles

23. strange habits?

man i KNOW ive got some but i cant think what they are. i do this wrist flick manoeuver to crack it.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

if im actually out in the warm weather? take a nice walk maybe.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

yknow. i havent done it in ages but i really like doing jigsaw puzzles. maybe put some jazz on.

29. best way to bond with you?

i dunno honestly! i dont have an answer to this one. it takes a lot of time and effort i think.

30. places that you find sacred?

the woods. the woods the woods the woods you have no idea. the woods. its the woods.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

i would die if i tried to do either of those things

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

like...... charlie the unicorn i think.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

fantasy obv

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

god there was something that destroyed me but idr what it was. the hardest in recent memory was me trying to tell a REALLY really stupid joke that wont make sense to any of you. i did not manage to say it bc i was laughing too hard.

52. favorite font?

i absolutely do not have an opinion on this

54. what did you learn from your first job?

you know at mcdonalds in order to work the grill you have to be willing to put your arms under a hot piece of metal that drips boiling grease on you? thats what i learned.

55. favorite fairy tale?

what IS my favorite fairy tale....... we'll go with red riding hood bc her modern interpretations are always the cutest

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

damn what. uhh ok, having to rebuild my entire social life after the shit that happened a couple years ago, the several year process of going from hyperconservative christian to a . whatever the hell i am now. some kind of far left girl. and uhhhh. figuring out i was trans i guess? idk

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

four??? im good at ff14 raiding, im good at writing, im good at.... uhh... im pretty funny i think, annnddddd uhhh. i dont know that its a talent, but i like to think im good at making people feel safe talking to me.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

heh... guess i shotcha... uhh 'god im fucking tired'

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

ISEKAI OBVIOUSLY specifically something like slime 300 but ill take almost any of them.

62. seven characters you relate to?

SEVEN............ god.... uhh hanako ikezawa, hikari finalfantasy (im cheating), (god i got to ONE and already had to start cheating...) yumiella dolkness, man im tappin out. look at my list of ocs i put way more of myself into them than there could ever be in any other character

69 nice. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

i feel like i know how i know most of my fun facts bc if i didnt i would not really know if i could believe them or not.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

like 8 or 9 probably. i dont really go below a 5 so. its gotta be like migraine or vertebral artery dissection bad before im like 'i should really get some meds'. unless im doing it preemptively which ive done for like when ive got raid later.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

man fuckin SCALLOPED POTATOES BABEY

86. cookies or cupcakes?

the amount of qualifiers this question needs.... cupcakes tho probably.

87. your greatest fear?

dying.

90. luckiest mistake?

i mean most of my mistakes havent been lucky, the best i can think of is when i accidentally followed my girl @handinvampirichand and now we're mutuals with wildly different taste in things but we're cool.

95. favorite app on your phone?

i like tumblr

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

uhh mine, my moms, my moms house, my brother's, my dads. jg wentworth 877 CASH NOW. so thats 6

[99izms]

papercuts

/ kiss it better (angst, sexual themes, fluffy ending) 800ct

warnings: the writing includes sensitive talk of unenthusiastic sex, please be cautious

lyric synopsis: ive been waiting up all night / baby tell me whats wrong

do you remember those times as a kid when you hurt yourself in some way and someone would tell you itll be okay, then theyd kiss the pain away?

youd say thank you and tell them it felt all better, but that wasnt true, was it?

i used to assume we all lie when someone kisses our pain away just to make them feel better— theyve done the best they could after all, but ive seemed to notice, after asking around, the papercuts did feel better after a big kiss.

those moments when the heat from our cheeks turn from anger into passion might confuse others, but i knew what the line was and when we crossed it. i could tell which tears on my cheek were beomgyus and which were mine. i knew how to hold him when he hiccuped after our kisses, his nose still red and his eyes still puffy.

no one likes arguing in relationships, but a lot of people like making up. i dont.

there was an odd feeling whenever i looked into his eyes in the middle of the action. he held me close and his hands grasped at me like i was disappearing, but my heart and stomach hurt in a routine way every single time we made up.

i enjoy being with him, i enjoy engaging with him sexually every time we do, yet i cant help but feel that kissing papercuts is the childish version of bandaids over bullet holes, and thats just the hyperbolic version of make up sex.

as a kid i never admitted to anyone that my wrist still hurt after someone said they put enough love in it to heal it, i didnt want to cause a big fuss. im still not sure if i want to cause a fuss, but part of me felt beomgyu noticing the way i would pull away.

the most recent time we argued he paused while inside of me, holding my cheek. my stomach was hurting when i looked at his long eyelashes and flushed cheeks.

“whats wrong?”

i shook my head and tried to get him to continue, not wanting to face the issue. instead, he pulls himself out of me fully and lies next to me.

“baby, tell me whats wrong,” he whispered into the dimly lit room. i almost couldnt see him, but ive studied his face for so long, theres nothing about his face i could miss, even if my eyes were closed.

the sobs from the argument that laid dormant started flowing again, this time into beomgyus chest rather than his cheeks. then the feelings from three arguments ago started pouring out, then four arguments ago soon after. (two arguments ago wasnt a large detriment to me, as it was largely my fault. i couldnt feel sad for that one.)

i clawed at his body, not sure if i wanted to hurt him for hurting me. how fair is that if he thought he was making it right?

still, he let me scratch him. i scratched at his shoulder, as close to his back as i could get, his chest, his neck. i scratched at him, and it felt cruel but the tears clouded more than my eyes. i scratched at him until i felt the scratch turn into a raised bump, soon to bleed.

i tried to rub the tears and drool away from my face before attempting to nurse beomgyus wounds before they worsened.

he shook his head quietly, contrasting my erratic behavior violently. his hands held my head and brought it back to his chest.

his heartbeat began to patter as it does when he cries, but he placed his hand on my head, forcing me to lay and do nothing else. my only option was to lay in his hold and sleep, so i did.

when i awoke, i looked at beomgyus sleeping body. his chest was red and bumpy, but not nearly as bad as i had thought it would be. his nose and eyes were red too. maybe he had wiped the blood off himself.

my hands ran up his body, feeling his chest, neck, and cheek. i watched the way his eyelids occasionally twitched in his sleep and thought about how cute he looked when he was calm. i thought about how noticeable i mustve been last night. i thought about how maybe arguments can actually end now.

i leaned over and kissed beomgyus eyelids softly. he opened them soon after, telling me he thinks his tear-burned eyes needs an ice pack after how horrible last night was for both of us. i smiled and told him id get him something to help.

i thought about how kisses dont make everything better, but that was never the point.

#kpop #tomorrow x together #txt #txt smut #choi beomgyu #beomgyu x reader #idek what to call this #txt angst #txt fluff

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

6, 10, 11, 22, 32? for the fanfic ask game :]

6. Do you have your work beta'd? How important is this to your process?

i think i've only had my writing beta'd once or twice. generally, im so excited to post something that i post almost as soon as i finish writing 😅 i usually do some quick editing once i paste everything into ao3 bc their spell check and shit is sooo much better than google docs, and i obsessively reread everything at least three times before i even get to that point and consider it done. in theory i would like to have my shit beta'd more often because the few times ive done it i did find it genuinely super helpful! but i feel bad asking people to do it for me and again im too impatient for my own good so i really only ask people to beta if i am STRUGGLING with what im writing to an extreme degree and i know i NEED a second pair of eyes looking at it or else it'll never get done. i think i get by pretty well without a beta reader but it is something ive thought about trying to do more just bc i feel like it has the potential to really take my writing up a notch, yknow?

10. Cltr+f "blinks" on your WIP & copy paste the first sentence/paragraph that comes up

Ghoul blinks, stuttering as his mouth hangs open and his mind tries to catch up with whatever the fuck is now happening.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

answered this one here!

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

uhhh not really? there's stuff i don't gravitate towards sure (first person, or past tense for example) but even with that i want to try writing in those styles more because i want to get better at them! i can't really think of any way NEVER FUCKING MIND WAIT ANSWER CANCELLED I JUST REMEMBERED CHATFICS EXIST I FUCKING HATE CHATFICS I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN WRITE A CHATFIC OKAY? if you like chatfics if you write chatfics yeah whatever fine you do you peace and love and all that but JESUS CHRIST I HATE THEM SO MUCH I CANT 😭 oh my goddddd and the fucking stupid love triangle trope. you will never fucking see me write a love triangle where the solution is not just polyamory, okay? its such an overused trope that only exits to add ~drama~ with no real fucking stakes or tension and 9 times out of 10 the entire conflict could be resolved by SIMPLE FUCKING COMMUNICATION and its ALWAYS a girl chosing between the most trash human bland guys possible and i feel like they always chose the WORST fucking option in the end and its just. JUST FUCKING DATE BOTH OF THEM OR CHOSE THE ONE WHO TREATS YOU LIKE A REAL HUMAN PERSON FUCK OFFFFFFFFFF

32. Name three of your favorite fanfic writers.

ughhh naming just three is so hard 😭 instantly the first three who come to mind are my beloveds @caffeineecold @bsideheart and @wink-1-8-2 but ive also been obsessively reading @infinity-on-hiii 's stuff recently soooo yeah

#asks #ask game

[kasaneteto]

sorry i simply must complain for a moment

ive been complaining about my roommate too much on instagram so im doing it here instead 🖕 fuck you

MOTHERFUCKER CANNOT TAKE CARE OF HIMSELF!!!! tell me why this man is turning 26 NEXT WEEK and can’t remember to pay me back for the bills. won’t do any chores unless he’s asked to or HE has friends coming over. i literally feel like im living with a teenager.

i’ve recently realized just how much ive coddled him and made excuses for him because of his mental health struggles and the way his parents treated him his whole life. ive also realized that its entirely up to him to recognize that his mental health struggles & trauma are HIS problems to deal with and i shouldnt have to temper my expectations because of that. i can only tell him he needs therapy so many times before it’ll just go in one ear and out the other like every other thing i say to him. he is so incapable of any kind of self-reflection or self-awareness, has no concept of how his actions might affect others, can’t make any compromises without throwing a fucking tantrum about it. it’s exhausting. he requires so much attention and validation in order to be happy. being in the same room is like an invitation to talk to him. AND HE SAYS THE SAME SHIT. its like ive exhausted all dialogue options. he always makes the same stupid jokes that are just *goofy or purposefully obnoxious comment about what im doing* and i DONT have the energy to entertain that shit every day. but it RUINS his mood if you dont partake in his humor and then he just sulks. he cannot be serious. everything is jokey goofy fun time. when finn and i told him she’s trans & that we broke up his response was just to stare at us like a deer in headlights and go “oh. okay. sorry thats just a lot to process” which is like. just such a perfect prime example of how he cannot handle anything serious or heavy. when he got cheated on he was inconsolable and would not leave finn and i alone (and we wanted to help!!! we care about him!!!) he literally would follow us to our room and we would have to ask him for alone time!!!! he’s like a baby!!!! he’s so deadset on finding a new partner and i just wanna scream in his face NO RELATIONSHIP YOURE IN WILL EVER WORK IUT UNTIL YOU WORK ON YOURSELF AND UNPACK YOUR TRAUMA!!!!!!

he always uses money as an excuse like “ohhh i cant afford it” motherfucker. you can’t afford anything that isnt something you want. so you cant afford to pay me bills on time but you can afford a new monitor for cyber monday? you can’t afford therapy but you can afford to get a shitty fake christmas tree because THATS what’s important to you? he lives so fucking hedonistically and acts like he lives paycheck to paycheck when he makes 22 DOLLARS AN HOUR. MOTHERFUCKER YOU MAKE MORE THAN ME. YOU CAN FUCKING AFFORD IT YOU JUST DONT BUDGET OR SAVE AT ALL.

ok sorry i had to get that shit out because im so frustrated with him. i had a party the other night and he just sulked around until his friends came, hung out with them and only them the whole time, then continued to sulk and complain once they left. then sat around scrolling on his phone while my friends helped me clean everything up. my friends who actually are responsible and arent just in their own world with no consideration for others.

its not like he’s a bad person or even a bad friend because he truly isn’t. he’s just so emotionally immature and does not have the strength to look inward & realize that he is the source of most of his unhappiness in his life currently. its really hard to live around given the stage of my life im currently in.

i wish i could tell him all of this to be honest but hes so fucking sensitive. i HAVE tried to talk to him about a lot of these issues too (him needing to he asked to do chores, not paying me back etc) and its always the same thing. he gets better for a couple months but it quickly goes back to how it was before. im just like so done acting like his problems are mine. done asking him for favors. i hate that living with him has made me lose so much respect for him (he has no moral backbone) because like. i can see that he wants to be better. he just isnt strong enough to admit that hes the problem in his life right now. anyways. thanks for reading this if you did lol

#txt #wow sorry i had a lot more to say about this than i thought i did

[whisperinayell]

Wholesome moments with my girlfriend

I love when my girlfriend hums.

I love the way she hums when i first met her she hummed alot i told her i was jealous of her humming voice quoted

"you can hum pretty I'm so jealous of you! "

She soon stopped humming for awhile 3 days ago on our nightly call i heard her hum (I'm used to her silly-ly singing and saying gibberish which i also love but i haven't found words to express that to her yet) it was around 1:30am and as i was telling her to please go to bed i stopped right at 'please go to b-' abruptly all because i heard her hum a beautiful song i waited till i was sure she was done just to tell her " i love it when you hum" she lightly laughed and asked why all i could manage to say was that it was comforting she then proceeded to hum jingle bells to me even though it was just the chorus it mattered so much to me im rarely ever that relaxed for the first time in months i genuinely had nothing running my mind other than her voice no concerns no self pity no thoughts of how cold it was in my bed just her lovely voice

There was another time i had recently been feeling like she didn't really pay attention to me as in the depth of me she never really understands the more philosophical things i say and think and i wish she did but shes so blissful I've learned to take it as an opportunity to take a break in my mind

She then asked me awhile later what i would get her for Christmas and i had some answers but im always worried what my baby will think of me so i said some obvious answers and she said "really? Thats all you can think of" in a playful way i also in a kiddish way said " alright what about me then" i shamefully cant remember some things she said

She told me " a weighted stuffed animal and blanket" knowing i love the weight of ppl on me and I've said a few times before how id love if she laid her head on my chest and i have made a semi big deal when ive said these things but not enough that i thought she would remember especially on the spot she then said some artsy stuff knowing i love art but even though its so small it really mattered and made me want to genuinely tear up

Ps: sorry for the big run on sentence im not big on punctuation

#love #spilled thoughts #my words #thoughts #notes #spilled poetry #words #female poets #humanity #lovers #wlw love #i love her #wholesome #story #stories #moments #life #my girlfriend is amazing #love of my life #wlw yearning #wlw post #wlw

[prismatic-dreaming]

am i reviving this blog to ramble on about my tav bc ive been playing a bunch of bg3 .......maaaaaybe

i should really remember this exists and do more character writing in general buuut today im having seraphine thoughts aka a massive ramble under the cut

shes my little guy i love her so much look at her *points*

i went wild with the mods and customizations making her extra as fuck because i mean so am i when it comes to characters (ignore her eyebrow colors i couldnt do anything about them, also she has earrings but im not at the pc i play on rn i think this laptop would melt trying lmao esp on the high gfx settings to not have her face be unanimated and detached from her head)

as you can see shes a tiefling but shes also a silver draconic ancestry sorc! currently lv5 in the underdark act 1 and a gay idiot for karlach with hubris and little self preservation between her ice powers and innate fire resistance so they've kissed twice and she regrets nothing she's feral to get that engine fixed we've already got our second piece of infernal iron on standby

when she's not being gay as fuck she's pretty reasonable, wants to help people out and treat the world better than it's treated her, spent some time in the church of selune (acolyte bg) and she's no cleric but faithful and grateful to the people there who helped her. willing to kill for what's right but doesn't like being too brutal about it (she's willing to help the myceanids but she's not really in the business of taking heads so she's wary). tried the illithid powers once and got freaked out, wary of the dream guardian and resisted/refused any consuming of tadpoles by either active resistance and shoving it in a chest to ignore it or just lmao not picking that up from any of the goblin camp leaders

probably what's freaked her out the most recently besides the whole tadpole thing is the susur blooms taking away her magic, it's been a part of her her whole life, for better or for worse - it was a bit volatile and troublesome before she learned how to harness it properly but now it's something she holds close, and losing a part of herself that felt fundamental, a presence that was always there freaked her out a bit. she definitely ended up talking to gale a bit about magic and sat close (but not too close) to karlach cause she makes her feel safe and the underdark's starting to get to her a bit but these darn sidequests must be done and the shadowlands sound terrible!

she wants a hug but the only one she feels comfortable asking for that literally cant ;n;

also pet scratch and the owlbear ofc they're besties now its so cute

#astra talks #seraphine #oc #bg3 tav #this game has all my brainrot rn especially karlach #im just really really gay

[zooone]

mutual love!!!! inspired by @gaytoadwithapopcicle (anon love will come tomorrow,,, ,.,,.,.,.,, im tirired)

@lyssys - oh my goodness where do i even begin. um. the whole reason why im even here???? the whole reason why i love logging onto tumblr?????? the whole reason that im inspired????? uh. hello??? literally greatest person ever. ive said this before but they remind me of mumza and niki... as caring and sweet and open as mumza and as beautiful and empowering as niki!!! the best of the best... huge inspiration for me,,, and im lowkey still shocked that she was my first mutual and she (wonderful amazing beautiful lyss) asked me (rambling bozo) to be moots! but nonetheless it was absolutely amazing ofc!! i worship them soso much. deserves the world <33

@sardonic-the-writer - insanely similar to lyss'- where do i even begin. i used to literally freak out to your amazing writing. again, v v surprised that they (absolutely cool, insanely talented sardonic) asked me (someone who used to reel over their work and inhale it like air) to be mutuals!!! aaa i remember when they first asked,,, i recently hit 100 nd was playing guitar when i saw them ask to be moots! i had to put my instrument down so i caan get up and jump w joy :)) but anywho very very talented! and accepting as well, i dunno how they were able to withstand me and lyss spamming them w scrunkbut /affectionate. also the whole reason i have like half of my mutuals :DD couldnt have done it w/o u man :)

@gaytoadwithapopcicle - MY MANNN!!1!!!!! my pal my guy my brotherein my homeslicicle my bro...... another instance in which i got rlly happy when they asked to be moots!!! like okqoabajwjsjwmwnwbsmdm this insanely cool person wants to befriend me???!!!?!???? i was shocked, to say the least. but toad is so so so cool!!!!!!!!! im exteemely flattered to be their first mutual and i hope i made a well first impression of how it feels to have a moot!! but v v v kind and sweet and respectful!! i feel v safe and welcome in their dms and theyre the coolest absolutely

@harbingerofheartbreak - yet another moment that i was shocked when she asked to be moots (man, i really am a fuckin loser, huh? /pos) honestly one of the most, if not the most, talented writer i know. the grammar they use is immaculate whilst also being still comprehensive,,, the way they show emotion is picture perfect,,,,,, and to say that way she writes stories to flow so well it blows me away is an understatement!!!! if they released a book id be the first to buy /hj,,, but aside from their amazing talent, they're also so so so sweet too! v supportive of others work, and wont hesitate to be the sweetest ever!!! aaaa i love em sm :)) <33 /p

@gh0st-b0ys - a huge issue i have w myself is that i often think im too annoying, by ghostly never made me feel like that. id post something absolutely idiotic, and still get happy when they would like it!! didnt matter what it was, as long as i get a like from them, everything is alright :)),,,, also they said that they idolized me?!?2!1?1?1??1?!3?1!!?2! wtf!?2!?!????????!1!1?! /pos waaa i cant express into words how happy that made me feel.... i idolize people all the time and to know that someone is like that towards me makes it sm easier to get out of bed. and even tho we havent had a lotta interaction between each other,,, i just wanna let em know that theyre insanely cool :Dd

@pebblebrainlovejoy - proud to say i watched them grow 💪💪💪💪 i feel like a proud older sibling whenever i see their blog. i remember seeing one of their newer works (cant remember what it was but at the time it only had like 2 notes) and i thought "this is actually amazing,, this persons gonna blow up, i swear." and they did!!!! and im so so so proud of them!!!!!1!!1 honestly, i love seeing their blog on my dash and it makes me the happiest whenever i do. absolutrly amazing writer as well!!! i respect them not only as a mutual vut as a writer definitely. cant even describe how happy their work makes me,.,,, like its amazing,, i would recommend it a thousand percent to people absolutely <33

#mutual love #<333333 #my whole world #talking #rambling #o ya hope u guys dont mind the tags #ALSO IF SOME1 IS READING THIS AND WANTS TO JOIN MY MUTUALS LIST ABSOLUTELY FEEL FREE TO HMU!!!!!

[jonbinary]

hiiii it's been a while since i've done a T update and i've noticed some changes so i figured id throw one out ... some info under da cut as always if yr interested \/

i'm pretty much at the point now where i'd say i pass in public like 99% of the time? i really cant remember the last time i was misgendered in public, which is insane to me lol. ive probably been called 'young man' and 'dude' and 'guy' more times in the past month than i have in like my entire life.

i think a big part of it is my voice, which i think has finally dropped to a point where even my higher register comes across as male. i work retail and like 1-2 months prior, i had to focus on bringing my voice down instead of shooting up to my 'customer service' voice or else people would confuse me for a girl. but now i've noticed that even when i don't do that, people correctly gender me. (i still do it largely for my own comfort, but i'm slowly moving myself away from it since there's nothing wrong with that higher register)

another thing i've noticed is body fat redistribution. i'm a bigger dude and i knew this would happen logically but some part of me didn't think it would actually work for me. but then recently i looked in the mirror and noticed that the curve of my hips was just...gone. obviously it's not a straight line down or anything but it was so shocking. ive also noticed changes in my face; my face has always been soft and round but i have these hints of a jawline that were never there before.

last thing i want to talk about here quick is muscles. i work out pretty consistently, and it's just insane to me how much muscle i can build on T. i feel like i do nothing and i have muscle definition lol. i can feel that shit in my LEGS yall. ive NEVER had defined leg muscle in my LIFE. thats def also due to fat redistribution but man. wtf. my dad keeps warning me that things are heavy and i just pick them up and jokingly remind him im on steroids lol

here's to 8 mo!! almost to one year :]

#orion.txt #orion's t tag

[mu-pt1]

nobody makes it like us (GEN3)

sometimes, when you have an opportunity, you should take it. since the last time I was here, things have changed. im alone again. ive gone back to no one. ive gone back to momo. recently, ive realized I have an opportunity. an opportunity that ive waited on for many many years. since before I was 10 infact. tomorrow, I will take that opportunity. its not something that should be lost. this is a life changing event and I want to experience it even if its my last. I have to do this. ive taken all the steps I need in order to prepare. I just need to finish cleaning and ill be done. this account has done great things for me. its given me a person to talk to. that person is whoever is reading this. ive spoken about many events in my life and thought carefully about how ive gotten here. to the person I am today. im unsure if the person I am today is the person I want to be tomorrow. or anymore. ive gone through great emotions. not great as in good but great as in extreme. those emotions, I dont feel anymore. I dont feel happy. I dont feel sad. I dont feel pity. I dont feel anything. I just feel like im staring at a screen, typing anything that comes to mind. I cant remember who I am or what I used to do. I cant remember how I used to live and if I must spend the rest of my life feeling this way then I will not spend the rest of my life at all. im tired of waiting on someone to reach out. im tired of waiting on people. im tired of it all. this opportunity is a matter that should be taken seriously. very seriously. seriousness is something I was never given. not by my mom. not by my sister. not by my friends. but one day, as I was waking up, a being came to me. it gave me an idea and it made me realize that if I take this chance, then I will understand my full potential. i may seem crazy right now but this is not something that should be pushed aside. as I thought on this more, I realized, this is my chance. I have the full freedom to do so. everything in my life has aligned perfectly to this moment and tomorrow. or today rather. is my time. I dont need food. I dont need water. I need to open my skin and allow myself to be free. this might be my goodbye post. if it is so. I love you.

[insufferableprotagonistpoll]

Round 2

Propaganda why Kirito is insufferable:

He’s Kirito

Absolute nothing of a protagonist. Just plain annoying and unlike most shounens there never seems to be any challenge for him. He's just always the best at everything.

“Yeah, i was a beta tester. Yeah im better than you. This is something that is normal to assume because of the first fact” theres more but that shit is so wild to me it instantly made me hate his ass

Propaganda why Alex Eagleston is insufferable:

literally causes the end of the world by being The Absolute Worst and has done so multiple times including his alternate selves. he technically has three (and a half) love interests (cause theyre the only characters he can/attempt to kiss or express any attraction to) and he treats them all poorly first three vella sammy and essentia 2000 are cause hes a misogynist but they all get different flavors of it sammy gets fridged for the plot of the game and is basically never relevant again outside of a secret(?) ending. shes also based off of a real life dead person for no fucking reason. vella is subjected to weird speculation about her age in her introduction scene with alex saying something along the lines of she cant be older than him cause shes too pretty (alex is like 24 and vella 27 from what i recall its been a few years since ive thought about yiik) and has a weird internal monologue about his feminist ex girlfriend prompted by vella just existing. theres a weird scene when alex asks her if shes korean n says she looks vaguely ethnic making her uncomfortable. One Of His Alternate Selves Literally Caused Her To Leave Her Home Dimension Cause Of How Poorly He Treated Her and the context behind that is that to leave the world/timeline/dimension/whatever you're originally from you basically have to be super suicidal and he pushed her to that point by ghosting her for a while and next time vella saw him he was hooking up with a girl noticably younger than her (<- remember this) and immediately after being told this he can attempt to kiss her which has no actual repercussions. essentia 2000 is like technically supposed to be evil i guess but her goal is supposed to be killing alex so i cant fault her on that. the in game day after they first meet alex has like a monologue about how special and attractive she is ""she was like water filling all my cracks"" or some shit. all three girls are alternates of eachother and are on a sliding scale of how objectified they are by alex with who got it the worst depending on which aspect you're focusing on. other sort of love interest is rory (diversity loss!) who alex can attempt to kiss after he confides in him about something when rory is like 18-19 (hes meant to be about the same age as michael whos recently graduated high school) and depending on how alex treats him can literally kill himself and alex's reaction to learning this is to only focus on how terrible he feels before moving on n rory's death never being mentioned again. the whole point of the game is that alex is a piece of shit who cant even buy groceries for his mom without throwing a hissy fit about it but it undermines itself constantly by having characters forgive or just stop being mad at alex on a dime after hes been exceedingly shitty towards them in various ways and any sort of charm or endearing traits he had quickly wearing off due to him never shutting the fuck up. near the end of the game all the other party members are killed off in quick succession leaving alex by himself and all he can do is sulk in self pity before going on a space adventure or whatever to stop an alternate him thats linked to an alternate essentia and enlisting the player as a different alternate him to help fight various superficial flaws of himself (which arent even like the actual things that make him insufferable n a bad person) n then finish the job for him. i need to punt him into the sun

He constantly goes on annoying monologues about things that nobody cares about. In game he is meant to be kind of an asshole, but they never give him the necessary character development to make him feel like a proper flawed protagonist, yet the narrative makes him out to be a character who is ""deep down a good guy"". Also he doesn't seem to care about any of his friends/party members.

"""YIIK"" is a poorly written, irony-poisoned RPG using a real life actual unsolved murder as the basis for an inciting event, altered so that what happened to the victim was some ~scary supernatural stuff~ and also Alex was there being vaguely misogynistic the whole time and monologuing to no-one in a way no real human person thinks uncritically.

The game intends to paint Alex as a bad person, but this is implemented in such a snide and uninteresting manner which has nothing to actually say about him being this way, nor is it at all fun or entertaining to experience.

He has no idea what's going on, blindly following the plot with the vague motivation of being suddenly stricken with affection for a girl he basically called a freak as soon as he met her five minutes ago. He is self-absorbed, lazy and overconfident, constantly bemoaning and ignoring the needs and feelings of others. He is the only character given enough breathing space to have something to him, and yet manages to not even feel any sort of dimensional.

Also his shirt is an ad for the dev's last game.

An incel who always screams about everything and yet is overly pretentious about everything.ing manner which has nothing to actually say about him being this way, nor is it at all fun or entertaining to experience.

#kirito #sao kirito #sword art online #alex eagleston #yiik #yiik a postmodern rpg #insufferable protagonist poll #insufferable protagonist tournament #tournament poll

[tricorops]

#1 - *insert some sort of pretentious title *

welcome in ! here’s where everything starts…

i probably should have thought a bit more before starting this entry but alas. here we are ! i guess ill go chronologically so the story makes sense,, if i miss anythinging im positive futrure me will fill in the gaps, but my memory is pretty shit tbh.

Before we ~officially~ start i guess ill introduce myself. i have a name (as does everyone fucking duh) but ive recently realized i dont feel like my name is mine. cant really explan it exaclty right now but in the last couple of months, ive gotten really angry that people call me by name,, whose to know whyy /s. realistically it’s probably due to the fact that im not a woman and haven’t been for many years now. i think im just scared to really admit it ? like i really dont like who i am, i dont fit in, and im so fucking sad all the time but im scared to start exploring my gender identity for who knows what reason. if anyone knows, please enlighten me. im 25, single and have never had a parter, been on one failed date (yikes), and haven’t come out to my parents. big. oof yall. i have a job that is what i thought i wanted to do, but im second guessing it rn since there is so much im not able to address or even attempt to fix. FUN /s

cool intro down i guess. now to the beginning ish ?

my earliest memory is my mom feeling me smashed avocado, but apparently that never happened. im an only child who’s always wated a sibling. my childhood was very lonely. my parents essentially removed themselves from their families, so i didn’t grow up hanging out with cousins, grandparents, aunts/uncles, literally no one besides my 2 parents. the memories i have of my first house are fuzzy, but i feel like there were a lot of rooms for only 3 people. i lived on a quiet street with lots of families with children of different ages, but i dont have any memories of playing with kids on my street or going to anyone’s house for playdates and what not. not sure why.

i remember when i was really little (maybe like 4 or 5 ish??) we went on a trip to disneyland. i think we flew there instead of driving. one of the days my mom was putting my shoes on— they were brown winnie the pooh sandals with buckles at the ankle and i had this weird feeling. it felt like i was in a dream like i was maybe lucid dreamis sort of? and i had this weird oedipus complex for my mom. like i saw how much my dad loved her and i wanted that,, its odd nw that im reflecting on it and i know many people go through this stage of development but like why did 4 year old me think i could love and care for my mom the same way my dad did ?? fucking kid lol. anyway perhaps this is graphic but whatever. i remember i was on the edge of the bed and she was sitting on a chair she pulled up across from me. my foot was between he legs so she could buckle the strap on my shoe and my brain just told me to push my foot closer to her? idk idk. but i push my foot closer to her and like tapped it and i remeber feeling hmm like giddy ? like i was so happy i had done that and then i went to do it again and my mom had like thrown my foot off the chair and started yelling at me. rightfully so like totally not ok for a 4 year old to try and arouse their parent. but in that moment i went from being so fucking giddy and happy and almost proud to feeling so fucking ashamed and unloved. and as she was yelling at me i just cried and cried and i remember just not even wanting to go to disneyland anymore because i didnt want to be around my mom. wild. everything in my little world felt so fucking big that my parent telling me not to do somthing inappropriate made me not want to do the fucking disneyland run anymore.

i dont know what came out of the rest of the day but we Must have gone to disney or soemthing. now, you maay be thinking “oh getting yelled at for doing something made you not do it again” right? wrong. my dumb fucking pea brain wanted to chase that feeling agian so the next fucking day when my shoes were getting put on i tried to do it again. there wasnt any yelling that time though. i just remember my leg getting pushed again, my name being said sharply, and my mom telling me to put my shoes on by myself or to not wear shoes at all. and what do you think little me felt? disppointment, guilt, ashamed. all to be expected but it hit my world hard (again 4 years old. every little thing feels like the world is crashing).

how does this relate to the present? i dont fucking know but i might figure it out along the line. anywho theres other things i remember from this age of my life but they don’t really fit the theme im trying to follow so i wont bore yall with the extra details. didnt think this one would be so long but here we are. i cant wait for the highschool installments bc those are FOR SURE going to make me cry hahahahahahahahaha strap in.

on the dockett for next time: elementary school. probaly around 2nd or 3rd grade. little preview— the first time i was called a lesbian (derogatory) and, upon reflection, my first crush phew 😮‍💨

ps. i know there are probably spelling mistakes and im not following any grammar rules. stream of consciousness yall. cant really blame me plus its uhhh 3 am here so yall are already know whats up.

#hmm #journaling #stream of thoughts #beware: those who read are in for a Ride #or so i think i mean its my life #and yeah i get it im probably super dramatic and these things are fucking miniscule #but WHATEVER #okie gn gn gn

[faeriecap]

MCALPINE SESSIONS ANON HERE, BESTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry I've been MIA, there was a little drama with a certain ship that is prominent on your blog that I just did not wanna deal with lmao. I didn't wanna project my annoyance with the ship onto you so for my sanity, I had to leave BUT I'M HERE NOW AND FERAL FOR SOME UPDATES (or just some shop talk, I need more friends 🥲) I hope you've been doing well though! I saw you were on a little hiatus a while back so I hope everything is good on your side of the universe ❤️

YAAAAAAAY YOURE BACK!!!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷 tysm for thé well wishes firstly, things are up and down over here but i’m trying my best to just keep on keeping on and the support means all the world to me! but it’s pride month so i’ve been trying have more fun and just enjoy it, i’m hoping to see some of the new marvel releases soon and OMGGG THE NEW CAP 4 content i am barking i am feral SAM LOOKS SO GOOD HES BACK HES BAAAAAACK

in terms of fic ive been writing a little bit but not as much as i’d like bc i’ve been pretty busy with life and also the rpg i’m currently modding lol HOWEVER i’ve locked in some new plot points and my definite plan once time frees up for me in a few months is a full rewatch of all 3 cap films and maybe even sam’s other cameos (and maybe fatws…. not sure yet, that one i saw more recently and a LOT of time has to pass before i can stomach rewatching anything if i ever do at all, even my favorite things, bc my attention span SUCKS lmao) + hopefully i’ll be able to crank out some of the scenes for the fic set within that time frame (bc i’ve been writing most of the ones that happen post cacw) and then it’ll be done! or ready to be beta’d at least… which… if ur interested 👀 i cant remember what my last update for u was about so i’ll update this post with a new snippet once it’s been shared <33

edit: here it is!!

the front door slammed, and sam dropped his keys on the counter before appearing upside down above them. to his credit, he did not seemed phased to find them tangled up underneath the couch’s throw blanket in the middle of the day.

“what’s this about hickeys, and why am i getting them?”

“bucky’s retired.” steve offered by way of explanation, raising his free arm to pull sam closer. even so, they couldn’t quite reach without him doubled over the frame, so he wandered down the hallway to change out of his clothes before steve could kiss him.

the problem is all the scenes post cacw after they get together are sort of just random which means it goes from this intense emotional will they won’t they with a touch of actual canon events created non romantic tension to this slush of fluff and domesticity and no real stakes anymore hahahahaha like idk where to go with it??? beyond just. making them cuddle more LMAO so…. any suggestions from the people lmk

i hope you’ve been doing well yourself and taking care of yourself and i as always look forward to hearing from you again soon :))) with regards to the ship drama, i am SOOOO curious could u elaborate??? was the drama related to my blog or just like generally in the fandom? DONT LEAVE ME HANGIN WHAT WAS THE SHIP 👀👀👀 i don’t feel like i post that many so i’m so intrigued which it could be lol since i’m assuming it’s not sambucky and probably (??) not stevebucky (tho maybe)

but seriously though i’d love to know bc i don’t want my account to be uncomfy for anyone but least of all my fav anon x so if i need to update my tagging system for u to properly blacklist my posts about it or anything of the sort pls lmk, either here (and i can answer privately too if you’d prefer 🤍) or messaging me! plus if by drama there’s smth actually problematic im rb i absolutely wanna be informed and aware of it! i will confess i’m quite curious as to who my secret admirer could be ;)) and i appreciate ur honesty!

until the next meeting, be well and lots of love 🫶🏻

#i speak #asks #the mcalpine sessions #jays fanfics

[rosaefaerie]

dear kim

my therapist told me to write letters to people, and that i dont have to send them but just to write everything i want to say. and theres so much i want to say to you but i cannot. because i love and care about you so much, i want your life to be free of thinking about this sort of thing. (but then again my therapist did say is it truly best to keep things from people just because we want to save them pain? and i think theres truth to be found in that, if someone really cares about you then they would want to know your thoughts right?....but i suppose i dont think you really care about me much anymore so thats the problem)

what i want to say most is im so sorry for everything ive done and caused all these years to you. i truly am. im sorry for being your friend and betraying you and going to jake, im sorry i never acknowledged how that must have made you feel. i was a bad friend to you. i was in a really bad place in life and i just clung to anyone who showed me a bit of attention and could be a way out of the hell of my daily life, i wanted people to save me. and jake promised that to me, but he lied.

jake hated me talking to my friends. especially you, he would forbid me from talking to you, and thats why i would come and go so much. because he would find out and threaten me with suicide. and i was scared and i didnt know what to do so i’d be trying to placate him always. but i did stand up for you, whenever he would be mean about you. because even if i wasnt a good friend to you i did and do care about you and i wanted you to get along even though i know now not only was that not my job but it wasn’t possible, not because of you but because that person, jake, has something deeply wrong inside of him.

i dont know if you ever knew the extent of what he would do to me, but i remember wanting to tell you so many times. when he moved nearer to me he became gradually more violent with me both in generally and sexually. i remember one day we were sitting on his bed arguing about smoking and i jokingly said something like “i’ll smoke all i want, one day i’ll come and blow smoke in your face” and he grabbed my face and slammed it into his wall behind me. he would often do things like that in simple daily life, suddenly go from 0 to 100 and hurt me. or he would play psychological games with me to confuse and frighten me. the worst was that often, during sex he would get violent. often he would punch and slap me, his favourite place to hit me was in my stomach. it took me a long time to realise, but often when i have flashbacks my torso jerks forwards, as if it was reacting to being punched still to this day.

the worst thing he did to me, which i recently began to remember in full during therapy was making me pregnant. it was a very traumatic and emotional experience and one i struggle to find the words to talk about. it was lonely, terrifying, unknown, disgusting.

i wanted to tell so many people. but i was scared, i was scared of being made fun of for making the wrong decision for going with jake. i was scared of jake killing himself because he would threaten to everytime i told him i wanted to break up. i would self harm to try and make him be gentler to me and it often worked. when i would cut my breasts, stomach, arms, legs, neck. he wouldnt touch me. 

the week before i decided to leave england to move to spain, i never told jake about me moving. i just let the days tick down. and when that final week came i remember sitting in class at school and making a list of good and bad about him, and finally i realised this had to end. because if i stayed in england with him either he would die or i would die. there was no happy future for me there. i had to go. so i had my sister help me to break up with him, and i was finally free.

but that week, he would not stop harassing me from any place he could. my facebook, my phone, my tumblr, he even came to my house and it was the scariest thing i cant even remember what happened.

the reason i am telling you this is because i want you to understand why i would come to you and then run away in anger again. it is because after all that time, i saw everyone in england as my enemy. in fact even when i lived in spain, i saw everyone who showed me love and care as a potential foe.

i couldnt trust anyone, i was terrified of everyone, and for years i have been moving around kim. not because i love change like i always say, but because im scared of trusting people again. its easier to be alone.

and for a long time i saw you as the same as everyone else. everyone else i blamed for what happened. people who did nothing, people who threw me to jake and allowed him back doors into my life again and again when i was trying to escape him.

my mind was so fogged and broken, i just lumped you in with them all i suppose. i tried to convince myself you were a bad person. i tried so hard all the time over and over to convince myself you were evil. ive been trying all this time, because i thought that would allow myself to stop thinking about you all this time. i attributed my constant thinking of you as “obsession”, i was disgusted by it because it is unsightly to have such emotions for other humans. i saw it as a singular problem, rather than a sympton of my constant trying to see you as evil.

that is why, all this time i come and go. it’s this toxic cycle in my head, of trying to convince myself you are bad, being drawn to you, and then getting frustrated at myself because “i shouldnt be talking to you” and leaving. rinse and repeat.

theres nothing you ever did kim that i could blame you for. you aren’t a bad person. for a long time i’d be angry about that day i went to cornwall and met robyn and jake. and jake forbid me from meeting you. i think about that day almost daily. analysing my actions over and over. thinking about every last detail. for so long i was angry at you, for telling me you saw me all that day and followed us around but wouldnt come over and talk to me. i almost convinced myself in my psychosis that you took pleasure in watching jake touch me in public (something he often did to humiliate me, in ways more awful than can be said).

i know now how unreasonable i was. in fact i think i always knew, because why else would i constantly think about that day. you were like me kim, both of us disliked jake. both of us were hurt by jake. i dont know if you would permit me to call you this but realistically, both of us were victims of jake. to varying degrees. and i am so deeply sorry for never seeing that. for being so wrapped up in my own suffering to never see how it could be from your perspective.

like hell would someone who was bullied by jake go and disobey his commands to his partner that they werent allowed to meet their friend. thats crazy. if i was in your position i wouldnt know what to do either. and im so sorry for even putting you in that situation.

i dont expect you to believe me this time kim, because i have come and gone so many times. but i promise i will spend the rest of the time i have trying to be a good friend to you again, and if you dont want that you can send me away and i wont disturb you again. i promise.

i want to say one last thing, because it occurred to me recently. dont you think us being friends is the ultimate act of defiance to jake? considering how much he despised us having any kind of friendship. i thought so, and the realisation of that makes me quite warm inside. to turn hatred into love. anger into kindness.

i hope you are well kim, i truly do.

[rubbertig]

caught up w dungeon meshi ooooughhhh hohhh IM GONNA GO OFF ABOUT STUFF SORRY SORRY dungeon meshi spoilers !!

want to say first off thing i wanna ramble is yaad and the rest of the old kingdom..

cause yeah no marcille is prob totally right that they arent turning to dust cos the the dungeon border broke and spilled out.

like remember they turn to dust cos of the crossing the border. before recent events, the dungeon held all the "magic" from the winged lion. it was stuck in there only. so of course they would turn to dust past it.

the flashbacks further clear up things

dungeon was like a space the winged lion existence was trapped within in a sense. before that it seemed their "power" was more unlimited. like they say in this chapter the world became/was an extension.

so yknow. stands to reason breaking the border and having the winged lion all leak out would mean than now the old kingdom should not turn to dust.

HOWEVER HOWEVER

marcile also brings up the point:

like she said earlier we can assume that effects of dungeon arent gonna dissipate right away despite the winged lion being "gone"

like yknow like a side affect

but then why did the dungeon collapse more suddenly. i think i understand why. but im not sure how to word it right now. but i think it important to think about want the dungeon was.

either way. the lion's influence slowly dissipating over time?? hoh??? now that interesting?? how that'll affect the old kingdom ppl and the dungeon monsters. just HRM...

ANYWAY thats that about that.

I ALSO wanted to talk about Laios right now cause. Aheem.

it is no surprise to me that he feels like this.

i mean he did just give into his darkest desires in such a big exposed way. the winged lion was correct in many ways about laios during their big conversation in Winged Lion III

like ive said before, its easy to peg laios as just a silly weirdo with a silly monsters obsession but it was never actually just a silly thing. it was always this open peephole into someone with a very concerning relationship with humanity.

he lived a miserable life alienated from other people. laios was a man who ultimately did not want to deal with humanity anymore. so he latched onto monsters instead in escapism.

a part of laios really did prefer monsters over people.

and THIS has been a major thing in laios' arc throughout the whole manga. this is a manga about desire in many ways. how ppls desires can be selfish, complex, and dark. and laios has been lead by his from the start...

BUT in his journey he has developed genuine connections with others and it has reflected change in that complicated humanity of his. And that has become his conflict.

The part of him still attached to the humanity that has become meaningful to him. His sister. His friends. The vulnerable part that still wants it all.

vs

The part of him that honestly still feels like throwing humanity away. Not bother with all the struggle of it all. Give into the ultimate escapism.

Because isnt that what ultimately the Winged Lion provided to humanity? It is literally the magic being you daydream about that will just poof make u free and fulfilled.

But thats not it works. Blinds you from reality. From actually dealing with things. I think Laios finally realized this.

Laios decided to literally eat his escapism away. Let go.

But to have gotten to that point he still first had given in. And Falin's fate is more uncertain.

Thank god for everyone like "Fuck you! We still care about you!" when they found him... Dude's prob feeling immense guilt.

ANWAY IM DONE IVE WRITTEN THIS IN A HAZE ITS 6AM AND IM EMBARRASSED SO U CANT REBLOG THIS BUT U CAN REPLY OR WHATEVER AA

#tig rambles #dungeon meshi #meshi bloggin