#i challenge myself to go to sleep before 2am tonight.

[robinsnest2111]

maybe if I can finally get a grip on a normal sleep schedule I'll find more energy to do the things I usually like to do and find actual joy in them again 🤔

#OKAY Y'KNOW WHAT #i challenge myself to go to sleep before 2am tonight. #maybe i'll actually be able to do it if i frame it as a fun little challenge

[ladyhoneydee]

30 Day Song(fic) Challenge: Day 30!!!!!!

Ahhhh this is it!!!! Finally the last day of my Song(fic) Challenge! It's been quite the ride, and while I might do a little self-indulgent reflection post tomorrow, tonight I am going to try to get this done before it's literally 2am the next day where I live lol.

The prompt for today was "A song you want to share". I couldn't pick one, and so I ended up synthesizing two: "To Be Enchanted" by Sleeping at Last, and "4 O'Clock" by V and RM from BTS. "To Be Enchanted" is a more recent song discovery for me, and one I've related as it comes to feeling pessimistic about myself and my journey and needing to remind myself of the joys in living; by contrast, "4 O'Clock" has been a beloved favorite of mine since 2019, and I've listened to it as a soothing entry on hundreds of night walks over the years.

Shadows and Sorrows

Game: Ocarina of Time

Pairing: Sheik & Link (although Sheik/Link is endgame to me ofc)

Word Count: 2430

Keywords: angst, hurt/comfort, healing

The comfort ached like too much sugar in the center of a molar, but he clung on for Link’s sake, as he squeezed Sheik’s hand so tightly the bones ground together. They sat in heartbroken silence: the boy who had to grow up too fast, and the boy who had forced it upon him.

Read the fic on Ao3, or under the cut!

Bright light, shaded in blue, illuminated on the Triforce mosaic over Lake Hylia. Sheik shaded his eyes as he leapt behind the withered old tree just behind it, alarm and adrenaline pulsing through his body. That was Link’s teleportation magic, from the Ocarina of Time Zelda had tossed him all those years ago…but the timing was wrong. The lake hadn’t been restored yet, as Sheik anticipated would happen with the purging of the Water Temple and the awakening of Princess Ruto as a Sage. Worse still, it was still night, with hours yet until morning; Sheik had calculated, based on Link’s speed at completing the two previous temples, that if he emerged successfully, it would be along with the rising of the sun.

He was too early. Far too early. Was he hurt? Had something gone wrong? Sheik rummaged in his bindings for potions, gauze, anything that could help the hero, as the light gave one final, blinding flash, and flickered out. Sheik swore he could hear the echo of the final note of the Serenade of Water in the air. 

Link’s silhouette, recognizable by his pointy hat, the breadth of his shoulders, and the glow of his white tights in the moonlight, crumpled to its knees with a wretched cry. Sheik gasped, and forfeited the meager cover of the tree to race to his side. 

“Link?! Are you alright? Where are you hurt?”

His hands hovered over Link’s body, desperate to run along the planes of him to ascertain that he was okay, but terrified of hurting him further with careless touches. 

Link looked up, and Sheik flinched back at the tear-soaked hollowness in his eyes and the dark puffiness of the skin beneath them. A bloody line, thinner than one of Sheik’s throwing needles, traced the curve of his right cheek, and he could make out the shadows of a bruise blooming on his lower neck just above where the collar of his tunic could hide the rest.

“I’m okay,” Link whispered hoarsely. Sheik had never heard him sound so incredibly ragged, as though his throat had been scoured with sandpaper. “I’ve had worse.”

Sheik’s head, which had been craned down to scan Link’s torso for any obvious injuries—damn the dark blue of the tunic, making it so hard to see bloodstains in the dark!—snapped back up. “I have seen you with a bone sticking out of your leg and most of your body covered in third-degree lava burns, before your last fairy got to you. That does not give me confidence!” Sheik clenched his hands into fists to keep from closing them around Link’s shoulders and shaking them. “Are you as far gone as the Fire Temple, or not?!” 

Link blinked at him, wide-eyed, and Sheik felt the skin of his palm burn beneath his nails at the shrieking silence of not knowing. 

“No, it’s not,” he finally said, head drooping down as if it could not lift even the weight of Sheik’s fearful, furious gaze. “I only have a few cuts and breezes. The worst is on my stomach, but it’s not deep at all.”

The heat of Sheik’s anger whooshed out of him with his heavy exhale. “Thank the goddesses.” He retrieved the only potion he had on him, its crimson shade gone grayscale in the moonlight, and thrust it towards Link. “Drink.”

“I wouldn’t want to waste—”

“You have a cut on your stomach. I don’t think even you know where that tunic has been, so you have a good chance of infection if you don’t treat it or at least clean it.” The potion pressed none-too-gently into Link’s unbloodied cheek. “Drink.”

Scowling, Link took the potion from him, and uncorked the lid. Two swallows, and he lowered it again.

“All of it.”

The scowl deepened. The potion disappeared. Sheik took the empty bottle back, and watched Link as the agony of feeling his skin knit back together twisted his face and made him double over with a wail. A shiver of sympathy crawled up Sheik’s spine with spider-like legs.

Even after the last trembles of the painful healing worked their way out of Link’s frame, he remained hunched over, his long blond bangs obscuring his face. It took a few moments and for a new sort of jolting to begin for Sheik to realize that he was crying.

“Oh, Link…” 

Sheik wrapped one arm around Link’s back, and guided him to the ground. Link followed limply, as if he were nothing more than a puppet, the only fight in him the shudders of his sobs. Sheik crouched before him, brows knit together, heart like a dark, cold stone in his chest.

“What happened?”

Sheik didn’t get an answer for a long while, as Link cried and cried. Even after he ran out of tears—which was very concerning, didn’t the boy carry any water with him?—the seizing wheezes of his lungs and sniffling of his nose continued far longer than Sheik had thought possible. (Of course, Sheik hadn’t allowed himself to cry like this since he was eleven, so he had no guidelines for what could be considered ‘normal’.) 

Eventually, Link wiped his nose with the sleeve of his white undershirt, leaving it glistening in the moonlight. With a final sniffle, he began to speak, or try to.

“In the temple…”

Fresh tears. Another few moments. Sheik’s thighs began to burn from the strain of holding his crouch for so long, and he reluctantly lowered himself to sit fully on the ground as well.

“In the temple, I met…me.”

“Like…your reflection?” Sheik’s brows wrinkled. “Yes, water is prone to that…”

“No, not…it wasn’t the water. It came from the water, but it wasn’t the water. It was me.” Link paused, as if realizing what he was saying didn’t make any sense, and let out a heavy, wet sigh. “I mean, it looked like me. It was like…my shadow, given shape. Physical form. With a sword just like mine.” One hand rose to brush the familiar pommel hovering over his right shoulder. 

“A shadow given form…” Sheik pondered this. Growing up, he’d heard legends of a Realm of Shadows, a place where monsters were eternally reborn to infest Hyrule, and where ‘shadows slept’. He’d had nightmares about it that upon awakening only increased his terror, that these dreams, too, might be prophetic. 

What a wonderful world they lived in, where the every nightmare of a disbelieved child came to life to stalk the earth and haunt the ones who had hoped to put them to rest.

“I think it was more than just my shadow, though.” Link hesitated. “When I looked at it…it was like looking at the darkest parts of me.” His voice quivered. “It was so…sad. It had this longing in its eyes, and it looked…haunted. And angry. But not at me.

“I thought I had to kill it. It was in the same sort of room that I’ve faced minibosses in before, big and empty besides the entity. And I…I wanted it gone. I didn’t want to look at it anymore. It was just…too much like me. So I drew my sword and I slashed at it, but when I did, it mirrored me, exactly.” He motioned towards his abdomen. “That’s how I got cut.”

Sheik sucked air through his teeth and winced in sympathy, but said nothing, letting Link take the space he needed to continue. 

“I kept trying to attack it, but I was scared. I didn’t want to get hurt. It was just as good as me, and I didn’t know how it was doing that…and as I got more scared, it got more…sad. I could see its eyes. They were so…” Link stiffened in remembrance. “It…pitied me.”

Hesitantly, Sheik reached out and patted Link’s knee in comfort. Link gave him a wan smile, but dropped it again almost immediately.

“Eventually I stopped. And it stopped too. And it started…talking.”

At this, Sheik couldn’t hold back anymore. “Talking? What did it say?”

Link flinched back at his volume, and bit his lip. “It said. It, um. It said.” He paused, and Sheik saw the sobs building again, the jolts of his diaphragm beneath his tunic. “It said that I couldn’t defeat it. And I got mad, and I told it, I told it ‘How dare you!’. All righteous. And it saw right through me. It…it took my hand. I saw its hand around mine, but I couldn’t feel it.”

Sheik could picture it. The shadowy grasp around Link’s own, thunderclouds obscuring the sun. The alarm and fear Link must have felt, when most every touch he ever experienced was intended to hurt. Sheik’s heart ached for him. 

“It said it knew me, because–because it was me. And it said that I could never defeat this part of me.” A thick sob snapped Link’s voice like a twig, and when he spoke again, it was in a croaking whisper that made Sheik lean in closer to be able to hear properly. “I thought I’d failed. I thought I was going to die, that it was going to kill me. Because, because that’s what defeat means!” 

Sheik swayed back in alarm at Link’s sudden shout, at the dried-blood panic encrusting his expression. Link flinched immediately as well, and crumpled again, chest caving in and shoulders slumping.

“And then…it touched my face. And it told me that I needed to ‘realize why I’m here’. Well, I didn’t know what to say to that, and I told it so. I said that I was there because of Ruto. Because she needs help. I said I was there for—for you, because you said I needed to do this. I said I was there because of duty and fate and all those things Rauru said. I said I was there because of Zelda.”

Sheik kept his face stone-still, but inside was sent reeling, as if pitched from a cliff into the void. The first time his old name had been used around him in years, and it was in—what even kind of context was this? Did Link resent him? Hate him? He must, to keep Zelda in the same company as duty and fate.

…It didn’t matter. Bury the feeling, bury the guilt. Bury it beside Zelda in the grave she needed to stay in, until she was needed once again. Right now, Link was the important one. 

“It wouldn’t tell me what it thought. It just begged me to–to keep trying. It sounded so desperate, as if it was hurting even more than me. And then it…it just melted away. Into me.”

“Into you? Nayru’s love, Link, are you alright?”

He nodded miserably. “It didn’t hurt. I just…felt cold. And I just…all at once…” Link made a motion with his hands resembling a storm and a spiral in one. “I couldn’t stay there anymore. I had to get out. So I…came here.” He cast bloodshot eyes in Sheik’s direction. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Me too,” Sheik whispered. And for the first time since he was eleven…he reached out and took someone’s hand.

The comfort ached like too much sugar in the center of a molar, but he clung on for Link’s sake, as he squeezed Sheik’s hand so tightly the bones ground together. They sat in heartbroken silence: the boy who had to grow up too fast, and the boy who had forced it upon him.

“Link?” Sheik whispered, after what could’ve been one minute or one hour.

Link wiped away another trickling tear with his free sleeve. “Hm?”

“I don’t know if this is what the—what your shadow meant. But…I think…I want to say…” He trailed off, frustrated. “There’s no good way to say it, so just—Link, you don’t need to defeat the part of you that’s scared and sad and angry. You don’t exist to fix the messes other people made. You exist to be happy. To take in the enchantment of every moment. To be able to take time and heal when something hurts you. And I, I’m so fucking sorry that you don’t even know you can do that. No one should grow up thinking that life exists just to hurt.”

Link had gone wide-eyed at Sheik’s swearing, but as tears of Sheik’s own welled from red that had stayed dry for so long, they rounded further into shock. Sheik wanted to scrub away the liquid vulnerability tracking down his face, to pretend it had never happened, but…it wouldn’t be right. Somehow, tonight, they were both tearing holes in their personas, exposing the feelings underneath the masks. And Sheik couldn’t bare everything to Link the way Link had to Sheik, even if he wanted to, so…the least he could give him in return was his throbbing heart.

Link blinked those wide eyes at last, and his long lashes glistened in the moonlight with new wetness. “Now why are you crying?” he teased brokenly. The words fought through a throat bubbling with mucus. 

“Because I’ve never related more to anything or anyone before,” Sheik whispered. He squeezed Link’s hand in his own, gently. 

They both deserved enchantment. It was the cruelest trick of the gods that all they could manage was shattered fragments of honesty under the cold light of the moon. 

Link reached his free hand behind Sheik, and despite the slowness of the motion, he had to remind himself not to jump or wrestle or cut down. But Link’s touch never landed on Sheik’s back or shoulder. Instead, it lightly patted the golden harp strapped to Sheik’s back. 

“Could you play something for me?” He bit his lip. “Just until morning comes. I don’t think it’s far off now.”

Somehow, he was right. While they had cried together, the moon had quickened its descent towards the western horizon, and the croaking of the last surviving frogs in the muddy puddle that had been Lake Hylia had traded out for the melodic calls of the earliest songbirds. 

He unslung the harp and strummed the strings. “I’ll play for you as long as you want.”

And Sheik would. Fuck the temple, fuck the timeline, fuck the shallow poetic beauty of shooting an arrow into the sun that Sheik had planned for Link. They’d get to it all when they were ready. For the rest of tonight, they didn’t have to be. 

He played, and the stars faded. He played, and Link’s head became a warm, sticky weight in his lap as he finally collapsed into sleep. He played, and the red flush of dawn finally freed them of their moonlight blues.

#loz #ocarina of time #oot #shink #loz fanfic #my fanfiction #30 day song(fic) challenge

[musings-of-a-rose]

Steph’s Christmas Writing Challenge December 2021 - Prompt 1

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avengers!Reader (no established anything. Just living in the same compound. Bucky uses the term "doll" but otherwise, no gender is specified)

Word Count: 584 (I DID IT)

Warnings: fluffy Bucky Barnes, holidays

Prompt: Cinnamon and/or “Wonderful Dream/Holidays Are Coming”

Notes: I’ve never done a writing challenge before, being so new to writing in general, so I thought this would be fun! Thanks to @marvelousmermaid for sharing the list with me and @toomanystoriessolittletime for creating the list! Here's the link!

I used a random name picker with character names I put in, otherwise I know I would write every single one for Frankie.

My personal challenge for this is to write for people other than Frankie AND to keep it short!

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

Steph's Christmas Writing Challenge Masterlist

*A quick note: My husband is half Colombian and when we were in Colombia, I had the best hot chocolate I’ve ever had (and even dipped a very specific cheese in it!). We are able to have these chocolate sticks imported to the US and buy them at a local grocery store. It’s how I make hot chocolate, using an aluminum pitcher and a tool called a molinillo, which you use to froth the milk. It’s very delicious and highly recommended and the only hot chocolate I’ll drink now! I’ll add a photo at the end if you’re curious.

Holidays at the Avengers compound were definitely interesting. So many different beliefs led to a flood of random celebrations and decorations, everyone being around each other and just getting swept up in the season. It was a beautiful thing to see and no matter how many times you walked down to the common areas, your face always lit up.

But sometimes the number of people in the compound became overwhelming. Often, you’d wait until everyone was asleep and head down to the common room, making yourself a snack or a cup of cocoa, if the mood struck.

Tonight was one of those nights.

You crept downstairs around 2am, heading for the common area’s kitchen. You passed all of the various lights and decorations, all lit up or burning bright, smiling to yourself. You made it to the kitchen, quickly pulling out the aluminum pitcher and molinillo to make hot chocolate. Adding milk to the pitcher, you wait for it to heat, cracking a couple chocolate sticks into the milk. You absentmindedly stir, occasionally jabbing at the chocolate sticks to encourage them to break apart when you feel someone come up behind you.

“Hey, Doll. Couldn’t sleep?”

You turn and meet the ocean blue eyes of Bucky Barnes, smiling up at him in greeting.

“I’m always up at this time. It can be-” you gesture around at the empty room “-too much sometimes. I like to sneak in and be by myself sometimes.”

“I definitely understand that.”

A few moments pass, you continue stirring.

“Oh! Would you like some hot chocolate? I can add some more to the pot!”

“I don’t want you to go through so much trouble for me.”

“It’s no trouble, really.” You move to get the milk from the fridge but Bucky is there first, handing you the carton.

“If you’re sure… I’d love some.”

You go about adding another mugful of milk to the pitcher, since it hadn’t really warmed up anyway, and attempted to crack a couple more sticks off. They were being pretty stubborn and you were struggling.

“May I?”

You nod and step aside. Bucky grabs the chocolate sticks and easily cracks them apart, not breaking them into chunky pieces like you often do.

“Thanks.”

“At least I can do something useful with this thing,” he holds up his left arm and the lights from the decorations reflect in it.

“I think you’re very useful. I mean you got the milk and cracked the sticks apart.”

You smirked at him as he chuckled. The milk was heating up, the chocolate melted into it, and you continued spinning the molinillo in your hands, frothing the milk and blending the chocolate. You pour the steaming beverage into mugs and hand one to Bucky. You both blow into the chocolate, willing it to cool to a drinkable temperature. He takes a sip and you raise your eyebrows at him, silently asking his opinion.

“It’s delicious, doll,” He smacks his lips. “But I’m going to add something to mine, the way my mom made it for me.”

You cock your head and watch Bucky rummage through the spice cabinet and pull out a tiny shaker. He taps the powder on top of his cocoa and sets the bottle down.

“Cinnamon. She always added cinnamon to our cocoa and it always reminds me of her.”

You smile at him as you both stand in the quiet kitchen, sipping hot cocoa and staring at the holiday decorations as snow starts to fall outside.

-------

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

Author’s Note: I’ll add a photo taken from Pinterest to show what the aluminum picture, molinillo, and hot chocolate sticks look like:

#StephsXmasWritingChallenge2021 #writing challenge #writing prompts #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes fic #short fic #ficlet #shot fic challenge #sebastian stan #marvel avengers #christmas writing prompts #prompt list

[wincestation]

Just Tonight

Prompt: Stanford Era

Pairing: Sam x Dean

Summery: Inspired by the song "Just Tonight" by The Pretty Reckless. Sam drunk-dials Dean in the middle of the night and tells him he needs him, but after a year apart, is one night enough?

Word Count: 2,059

Written For the SPN Trope Round Robin 2021 (@spn-trope-round-robin) - Round 3 (Remix/Inspired By).

A/N: My first SPN writing challenge ever! I really enjoyed this one. Hope you do too! also, @stanfordsweater your brand is in there for a moment ;)

Read on ao3

Sam’s world is narrowed down to the sound of the dial tone. He waits in the cold, his breath forming visible little clouds. Finally, someone picks up on the other end.

“Sam.” he sighs heavily. “It’s 2am. On a Wednesday.”

Good, Sam thinks. He’s in the same time zone as me. “Dean, I need you.”

“What?” Behind Dean’s voice, Sam can hear the engine of the Impala rumbling to a halt in the background and the familiar sound almost makes him cry. “What do you need me for?”

That question has too many answers, and Sam can’t think straight, he just knows he’s cold and alone and tired and he needs his brother. “I need you to take me home,” he says in a pathetic, tiny voice, leaning against a tree to keep his head from spinning.

Dean tries to sound sympathetic, Sam knows this, but his words come out patronizing. “Can’t you get a cab or something? Or... walk?”

“Dean, please.”

“It’ll take me forever. I’m in bed.”

“No, you’re not. You’re in the car.” He feels sick. Dean never lied to him before.

His brother might be thinking the same thing, because he doesn’t reply.

“C’mon, De, please.” Sam is begging but he doesn’t care, he’s the one who left, he’s the one who hurt Dean, and if Dean wants him to beg, he will. He’ll do anything. “Start the car and take me home.”

*

“You’re drunk.” Dean says in disbelief.

Sam slides into the Impala and slouches against the seat. “And a bit high,” he confirms.

“It’s like I don’t even know you anymore,” and Sam knows he meant it as a joke, but he can’t say anything because the lump in his throat threatens to overflow if he does. He gives Dean the directions and leans his head on his brother's shoulder, ignoring the voice of reason that screams at him to stop making a fool of himself.

If Dean minds, he doesn’t show it. He drives slower than usual, as if he doesn’t want this ride to end, and for a few minutes, Sam lets himself feel a little hope.

The car stops too soon. “Looks like we’re here,” Dean says. It’s an unnecessary comment just to break the silence and Sam drags his pounding head away from his brother’s shoulder.

When he doesn’t move, Dean adds, “Need me to walk you inside?”

Sam nods. “Please,” and Dean agrees, because he could never say no to his little brother.

They both blink when Dean turns on the living room light. Sam groans and sinks into the couch while Dean looks around.

“Nice place. How can you afford - “ he stops abruptly and Sam raises his head.

Dean is holding a framed picture of Sam and Jessica, both smiling happily at the camera. She’s wearing his Stanford sweater - the one he has on right now, in fact. Dean looks at him and Sam knows he noticed that. “Didn’t know you had a girlfriend, Sammy.” his voice is bitter and he puts the picture down as if it was burning his fingertips. “So you two live together, huh? Where is she?”

“She’s - not here.”

“Is she out partying on a Wednesday, too? When is she coming back?”

Sam winces. He doesn’t want to talk about Jessica right now. “I don’t know,” he says.

Dean turns to him with a cold smile. It’s the smile that Sam fears most - the one that doesn’t show his teeth, doesn’t reach his eyes. “So you invited me in, for what? So we can wait here for your perfect little girlfriend and - “

“She’s not my girlfriend,” Sam cuts through his words. He stares at Dean angrily. “Not anymore.”

Dean looks genuinely surprised. “What, she… left you?” Sam nods. “Like, for good?”

Sam pauses for a moment. “She’ll come back eventually.” Before the cold smile can return, he clarifies, “To pick up her things, I mean.”

“Oh.” Bitterness gone now, Dean looks a bit lost in the middle of Sam’s Stanford living room, and Sam almost laughs. Dean was always better at dealing with broken bones than with broken hearts - but it’s not like Sam himself was any better. The memory of the last time he saw his brother starts to creep back at him, and although he banishes it away, it kills any chance of laughter.

“So…” Dean starts, looking at Sam, as if he wants him to say something. When he doesn’t, Dean continues, “Unless you want to cry into your pillow while I stroke your hair...”

“No - don’t go.” Sam blurts out.

Dean just stares at him. Eventually, he says, anger underlining his words, “So you want me to stay, and, what? Get you through your hangover, help you get over your breakup with college Barbie? Is this what you meant when you said you needed me?”

Sam’s too hazy to properly respond, can’t even see straight. “Just tonight, Dean, please.” His hands reach out to the edge of Dean’s jacket and he grabs handfuls of the leather, bringing Dean as close to him as possible, trying not to sob his next words, throwing any inhibition away. “Please, De, need you to stay with me.” He knows his eyes are probably leaking. He doesn’t care. He looks up to his brother’s face, trying to memorise it so he can remember it tomorrow, because right now he can’t decipher what that look of his means.

Dean grips Sam’s hands and holds them for a moment. “Just tonight.” He says at last, and lets Sam drag him onto the couch and wrap himself around him. The anxiety that bubbled up in him is settled down, and Sam allows himself to relax into his brother's arms; even if it’s just tonight.

*

The light hits Dean’s eyes and he blinks furiously before finally making out his surroundings. A moment later, last night’s memories come back to him and he sits up, completely awake.

He can hear the shower running. His nose picks up the scent of coffee - and toast, too. His watering mouth is what makes him get up eventually, and when he does he feels his clothes stick to his skin, a reminder that he slept in them last night. Sam did, too. They didn’t even bother with as much as kicking off their shoes before drifting off to sleep - together, legs tangled, arms holding each other close.

Because that’s normal, right? Nothing says “Hey, Sammy, I missed you” like a casual brotherly spooning, Dean thinks grimly and sits at the kitchen table.

He nibbles on a slice of toast while contemplating his next move. Sam is bound to leave the shower soon - it’s taking him forever, what a princess - and Dean has to be ready when he shows up. He let himself slip last night, lost in the face of Sam’s desperation, that genuine need… But he shouldn’t have stayed. He should've tucked Sammy safely into his bed, say goodnight and drive the hell away from this stupid prissy college.

Dean braces himself when he hears the water stop. Any moment now, Sam will enter the room, apologize for calling him up, and send him on his way.

Dean is already thinking of a way to tell his father about this (cuddling excluded, of course) when Sam steps into the room, casually rubbing a towel over his wet hair, completely naked.

“Dude, what the - “

“Oh - shit, Dean, I thought you were still asleep.” Sam flashes an embarrassed, apologetic smile as he wraps the towel around his waist. Dean feels heat creeping up his cheeks and tries his hardest to repress it, seriously, it’s supposed to be Sam who blushes like a girl, while Sam sits in the chair in front of him and grabs a piece of toast.

Trying to keep his eyes away from his almost-naked brother, Dean stares at the clock on the wall, trying not to think of it as counting away his time. Finally he asks, eyes still fixed on the clock, “Don’t you have classes or something?”

Sam shrugs his shoulders. “Professor is sick,” He says with his mouth full. “Want me to show you around campus later?”

“Show me aro - aren't you going to apologize?” Dean snaps, moving his gaze back to his brother. He lets more anger into his words than he intended and he curses himself for it, but it’s too late to back out from this conversation now.

Sam swallows his food, troubled, and sets the rest of the toast aside. His hands drop to his lap, where he plays with the towel, until finally he says, “I’m sorry, Dean. I shouldn’t have done this.”

Disappointment starts to bloom in Dean’s chest like blood stains through a t-shirt and he pushes it away violently. This is exactly what he was getting ready for, so how come he still has any glimpse of hope? “Yeah, you shouldn’t have.”

“I was just so - “ Sam won’t look into his eyes, and traces of last night’s desperation start creeping into his voice. “When you told me all those things, I, I panicked. I was already pretty unhappy for a while - you know me and dad, always butting heads - and that was kinda like a final push or something.”

Dean has a weird feeling in his stomach. “Sam, what are you talking about?”

“I’m trying to apologize, Dean. Please, just let me finish.”

“For drunk dialing me last night and dragging my ass out here in the middle of the night,” Dean says, not asking, trying to convince himself that this is all the conversation is about.

“What?” Sam looks at him. Dean notices tiny tears hanging from his lashes, like fish caught in a net. “No. For leaving you.”

The silence thickens while they look at each other. The clock keeps ticking away in the background.

“I told you to forget everything I said,” Dean says eventually. His voice is hoarse even to his own ears.

“But that’s the thing, Dean,” Sam speaks quietly, “I just couldn’t. Even here, all those miles away from you, I couldn’t stop thinking about what you said. I tried to put it all behind me, find a girl, build myself a normal life… But I couldn’t.” His eyes are focused on the towel and Dean’s head is working overtime to make sense of this.

Sam sniffs. “I know I hurt you.” He says in a small voice. Dean sees right through him - sees his teary-eyed baby brother, who simply did something he isn’t proud of and now aches for his forgiveness. “I said things I regret.”

“Called me sick,” Dean reminds him, mercilessly. “Said I needed to go see someone to fix everything that’s wrong with me.” Many other things were said, too, but those are the only ones he can bring himself to repeat.

“But that’s the thing, Dean,” Sam lifts his head at last and meets Dean’s eyes. His eyes tell Dean he’s right - this is his best, desperate attempt to fix this. “I don’t think you’re sick anymore. I think I know how you feel.”

What is he saying?

“I tried not to, tried to run away from it. But nothing else was enough, no one else was.” He’s visibly crying now but he continues, and Dean realises Sam needs to say those things, not just to him but out loud, to make them true, to make sure there’s no turning back. “De, you’re my big brother. And I love you. I don’t care if people think we’re sick, okay? I want to be with you - “

Dean doesn’t know how he got there - he doesn’t remember getting up - but he’s kneeling next to Sam, reaching up to brush away the tears, and it’s hard to reach his face because when did his baby brother get so freakishly tall? “It’s okay, Sammy. Don’t cry.”

“Mean it, Dean. I need you. I can’t - not without you.”

Dean stands and hugs Sam’s teary face to his chest. “Not going anywhere, Sammy. I’m right here with you.” Sam wraps his hands around his big brother and they melt into each other, bright morning sunshine and the smell of burnt, forgotten coffee, and little drops of water and tears mixing together and they don’t know where Dean ends and Sam begins but that's exactly what they're craving, wouldn’t have it any other way.

#wincest #wincest fanfiction #spn trope round robin #sam x dean #my writing #stanford era #hurt/comfort #eventual fluff #sam needing dean so bad he cries is apparently my thing now

[drunk-onsunlight]

Day #3 of Promptmas

Chapter 3: Mind if move in closer?

Summary:

Movie night between Ned, Betty, MJ and Peter and a little of Spidey patrolling NYC

Chapter 1: Beautiful what’s your hurry?

Chapter 2: I’ll hold your hands (they’re just like ice) 

Chapter 3

Concept: Caroling & Watching Christmas movies together

Dialogue: “The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!” & “I love you but your taste on Christmas music is horrible”

“Peter? Are you listening to me?” Ned told him over the earpiece. Peter was distracted. Thank God he wasn’t swinging, the cold air was hitting his face while he was sitting on a rooftop.

“sorry Ned. I’m just thinking about something”

“and that’s clearly bothering you. What is it? Is Morgan ok?” Peter loved the way his friends bounded with his little sister, they weren’t actually related but the feeling was just the same. And having Ned, Betty and MJ get along with her was pure magic, he felt like he could trust them with big things like the Stark relationship he held with not just Tony but Pepper, Morgan and Happy, even when MJ and Betty didn’t know he is Spider-Man.

“something Pepper said today.  I don’t know what she was talking, well, not what a who”

“a who? Ok, you need to speak clearly, you don’t make any sense, Peter”

"you know Morgan was visiting the apartment, right?" "yeap. What about that?" "well, at some point we were chatting and drinking some hot chocolate and Pepper called, I had the call on speaker and she said something a about "my girlfriend" that she wanted to meet her and should take her to their house for a coffee or a lunch or whatever. But I don't have a girlfriend" "yes, that's a little weird. Did Morgan know about that?" "no! She totally freak out and threat me for keeping secrets from her, then Em told her I was too weird to date someone and that was it" why he was friking out so much about a stupid conversation? He didn't have a girlfriend and he just needed to call Pepper and correct her. That was it "Peter, are you scared that MJ may think you actually have a girlfriend?" Peter sensed the smile on Ned's face without seeing him "what? Of course no. She doesn't have to do anything with this" nop, she wasn't the problem, he was just to anxious to call Pepper and correct her "hum. You sure? I remember you having a massive crush on her back in senior year at high school. Maybe living with her made those feelings show up again" now he was regretting telling Ned about that all those years ago "Ned, that was a long time ago and then, well, you know, Gwen and all of that happened and I don't think I have feelings for MJ or that I want to have a relationship with someone" Gwen was everything he ever dreamed in a girl and his Spider-Man duties messed everything up leaving him with another death on his shoulders alongside Ben's. That's exactly why he tried to protect MJ, she didn't need to be in danger just because she knew his secret identity. Ned never had problems with him being a target for being a FOS, but with Betty, that was other story and the same reason she didn't know either. "I'm just saying Peter. This doesn't have to be about Gwen or even MJ, it's about you totally friking out about something that can be fixed with a call. You need to sleep, all this patrol and the cold are messing with your head. Go get some rest Pete" Ned was right, he needed to sleep and call Pepper to clarify the wrong information. "I'm calling it quits for tonight. It was a slow night after all. Thanks for listening Ned, say hi to Betty for me please" after a short goodbye and a promise for a movie date with Peter and MJ, Ned finished the call and Peter got up from the rooftop. He arrived home at 2am, he was glad they could pay a small apartment with windows on both their rooms and not just one, like others he had visited while looking for a place to move. That made everything easier, MJ never knew when he went out or came back from patrol, and if something was too bad he texted her that he was out early when he probably was recovering in the Avengers facilities. The next day he woke up to MJ humming a pop song, she was in a good mood so probably she already took a tea or a coffee. Peter got 4 full hours of sleep since he arrived from patrol and he considered that a win.

“Mornin’” Peter knew he looked totally wrecked but he felt good, like the Christmas spirit was taking over him.

“Hey, loser. Want some coffee?” Her hair was on a messy bun. All her curls were framing her face, she looked beautiful.

“Yeah. Thanks”

“I was thinking, maybe we could decorate today. Do you have something to do?”

“Aammm, no. I’m free. Jameson haven’t called and I am not offering myself until next Monday, I’m really tired” Ned was right, he needed to rest. Rhino, college, The Bugle… J. J. Jameson and his idea that Spider-Man was a threat but anyway having photos of him on every front page he could, everything was too much right now.

“Have you talked to Ned? He said something about a movie night with Betty the other day when we talked” Yes! The movie night they have agreed last night.

“Yeah. He mentioned something last night. We can decorate the apartment and then invite them for some fun. I think we need it” He knew MJ was stressed too and having Betty and Ned around was a good distraction for everyone.

He took his coffee and then helped MJ doing some scrambled eggs for they breakfast and he went to take a shower. After his shower he changed clothes to some Christmas sweeter that he knew MJ was going to make fun of it. While he was deciding in using his Spider-Man socks or his Christmas tree socks he started playing some carols on his phone. He created a full playlist on his Spotify for this moment.

He went out of his room and found Michelle carrying the boxes with the Christmas decorations. How she managed to hold three boxes at the same time was a mystery. If he didn’t knew he was Spider-Man he could swear that she was Spider-Man, but that was a stupid idea. MJ was strong enough to lift the boxes by herself without superpowers, maybe they weren’t that heavy and he was just making things up.

“Oh, God! Seriously? That one?” Peter knew MJ didn’t like that sweeter. It was a Rudolf one with a big red nose that you pressed and it started playing Christmas carols, May bought it for him two years ago and he loved it.

“I know you secretly love it. Press the nose”

“No!”

“Press the nose. I know you want to” He crossed the living room and got close to her

“No! Stop it” She started to run away from him, sorting boxes while crossing the room

“Press the nose, come on MJ!” he was trying to get to her and they ended up running around the sofa, avoiding the boxes and the coffee table. MJ started laughing when Peter got close to her and tried to grab her arm but she managed to get loose and he ended holding her hand for a few seconds until she kept running away.

“We need to start decorating or Ned and Betty are going to arrive and we haven’t done anything” She was still laughing. Peter loved to make her laugh, it wasn’t an easy task but he loved the challenge.

They spend the morning and past midday decorating a Christmas tree that was basically some fake branches placed like a real Christmas tree, MJ said it reflected her soul. Every Christmas, Peter decorated the branches with bright colors, he hang some toys or pushies and tried to add many colors to it. He said to MJ that it was the perfect representation of the two of them, the black, perfectly placed branches for her and the colorful decorations for him.

MJ placed the stockings on their small fake fireplace along with some holly, then moved to the window and decorated it with led lights and tinsel, she finished the decorations placing the wreath on their front door. Everything looked perfect, now they needed to set their cushions and blankets for their movie night.

Two hours later the apartment looked totally different from the day before. Ned and Betty arrived after MJ and Peter took their lunch. They opened the door and found a very smiley Betty using a pink dress and a huge fluffy coat accompanied with Ned using a Christmas sweeter and jeans.

“Hey Betty!” MJ and Betty always found lots of things to talk about. Betty had managed to make MJ open more about her feelings, her college and even family, Peter was very impressed by Betty and her ability to make MJ talk like her life depended on it. But Ned and Peter were never included in those kinds of conversations.

“Hey Dork” in high school MJ called them losers or dorks, now Peter was the loser and Ned was the dork. MJ and Ned did a little hand shake they made up in high school and she moved back a little so Peter could say hi to their friends while everybody entered the apartment. Ned and Peter did their usual handshake and then Peter kissed Betty’s cheek.

“MJ, the apartment looks amazing” Betty was looking around the living room like she was in the White House and surrounded of the most beautiful Christmas decorations

“It was mostly me so, thank you”

“Hey!! I helped!”

“The tree, right Peter?” Betty knew them too well

“Of course. That masterpiece is my doing” He was very proud of this year results with the decoration of the tree and Ned was looking at it like it was the most beautiful Christmas tree ever

“I love it, Peter” Ned said, always being the supporting friend

“MJ we can make some pizza for the movie night while the boys look for the movies we can watch. Would you like that?” Peter knew that was a key word for “we need to talk without loser and dork listening”

“Yes! I would love to” They moved quickly to the kitchen and started talking right away in whispers.

“That was fast” Ned was looking at Betty with adoring eyes while Peter was looking at MJ moving around the kitchen, totally owning the small space

“Well, we can make the best of our time without them”

“Christmas carols?” they looked at each other on a silent talk they have grown to develop along the years they have meet

Peter showed Ned his playlist full of Christmas carols and they connected a small speaker so they could hear the music through the whole apartment.

“ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one horse open sleigh”

The speaker started to sing and soon both of them started to sing along.

“Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way Oh, what fun it is to ride In a one horse open sleigh”

Ned turned the volume up and stared to sing louder with Peter, making both girls to turn around and look at them. They were singing louder and louder each time the same lines were sung by the speakers on the living room.

“Ned!!!” Peter heard Betty over the loud music and pocked Ned for him to just sing louder

“Ned, Betty is calling you” Peter told Ned close to his ear so he made sure Ned was listening to him. He stopped singing and ran to the kitchen to hug Betty

“I’m here. Do you need anything?” Peter could see how soft Ned was around Betty all the time, it was really nice to see them so happy and comfortable with each other

“Yes. Can you do me a favor? Stop singing, please. I love you but your taste on Christmas music is horrible” Betty was looking at Ned with all the love in the planet but serious enough for Ned to know that she mean it

“Not just that the song is totally awful and the lyric doesn’t make sense but also that you both are terrible singers”

“Aw MJ! But the best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!”

“Then can you take some singing lessons for next year?” MJ was teasing him, he wasn’t that bad at singing. He knew it

“Just if you sing with me” He had heard MJ singing and she was really good at it, but she never let anyone hear her singing too loudly, just soft whispers. With that comment MJ turned around and kept doing the base for the pizza. Ned said something to Betty’s ear and then gave her a little peck on the cheek and moved away from her.

Peter could see MJ and Betty chatting while Betty was putting some toppings for the pizza, at the same time she was telling Michelle something and they both looked excited over what they were speaking. Well, as excited as MJ could look over Betty’s news. Her face was mostly expressionless but her eyes were shinning, that was all he needed to know she was interested in whatever they were talking.

“Peter?”

“Mmm?”

“Can you stop looking at MJ with those puppy eyes and pay attention to me?” Ned had a mocking tone

“I’m not making “puppy eyes” at MJ”

“Then I’m getting worried if those eyes are for Betty” Ned was having too much fun mocking him “But seriously, I need to tell you something” Peter turned his head to see Ned’s face and found mixed emotions there

“What is it?”

“I need your help for buying Betty’s Christmas present”

“Yeah, of course. Do you know what to buy or you want me to ask her casually what she wants?”

“I know what I’m buying but I need you to go with me and pick it with me”

“Okaaaay… Can I know what is it? It’s like a big thing? Do we need to hire someone to help us take it to your house?” Peter was confused to say the least

“I’m buying an engagement ring” Ned spoke so fast and so quiet that if it wasn’t for Peter superpowers he had totally missed the phrase

“Ned, that’s amazing!” Peter was really happy for them and totally available to help them to be happy together

“It’s not a surprise, but it is a surprise. We have talked about getting married eventually and we have been dating for a long time and living together is just feels right, so I want to make it official” Peter had a small flashback to a few hours ago, how living with someone felt right. Him trying to catch MJ, making breakfast and shopping with Morgan. Some things felt right, so he totally got what Ned was talking about. Not that he was getting married to MJ but they were close enough to understand the feeling

“Tell me when and where and I will be there. I will be happy to help”

“Thanks! I really want to pick the perfect ring for her” now Ned was making puppy eyes at Betty. It was really cute to see them so in love after such a long time.

“Guys! Pizza is almost done so that movies better be ready” Betty was pointing at them with a spatula as a threat

“They will be ready when you both finish that delicious pizza, honey” Ned moved quickly to the bag were he had brought the movies for them to watch. They picked Love Actually, they all loved the movie and it was perfect for the season.

They girls took the two pizzas they made to the coffee table and some plates. Ned ran to the kitchen and grabbed some mugs and the soda from the fridge. Their sofa wasn’t big enough for the four of them so Peter sat on the floor and helped pouring the soda on the four mugs. MJ closed the curtains and turned off the light. When everything was ready Ned sat with Betty lying on the couch with her head on Ned’s lap. Peter knew MJ wasn’t going to make Betty move to a sitting position for her to sit on the sofa with them, so she sat next to Peter on the floor.

Ned took the remote and stared the movie. Soon enough they finished the homemade pizzas and drank the soda. MJ covered herself with a blanket after half the movie and rested her head on the couch, close to Betty’s knees. Peter could see her trying not to fall asleep, he moved to place his empty mug on the coffee table and placed himself closer to MJ than he was before.

Their arms were pressed against each other and he felt MJ laughing softly to something happening on the movie. He wasn’t paying attention anymore, too focused on the heat radiating from MJ while she was tightly wrapped on her blanket. Was she actually cold? While Peter was divagating, MJ placed her head on Peter shoulder and he froze.

He thanked every God, Lord and Supreme master he was taller than MJ now, just for a few centimeters but that small difference made easier for them to keep the posture without hurting MJ’s neck. He tried not to breath too hard to not bother her or make her move, he also pretended not to hear her heart racing while placing his head over hers  and then slowing down as she felt asleep. The movie was coming to an end and he tried to look at Ned.

Betty was asleep on Ned’s lap and he was playing with her hair. They shared a look and decided to wake the girls up so they could all go to sleep. After they woke up, Betty and Ned decided to go home, it wasn’t late after all. MJ and Peter organized the room and lifted everything from the coffee table and took the plates and mugs to the kitchen. Peter was definitely skipping patrol, he wanted to rest a little now that Rhino had disappeared several days ago. He knew he was coming back any minute and he needed to be ready for that.

#spideychelle #spideychelle twelve days of promptmas #baby it's cold outside #ned leeds #betty brant #michelle jones mcu #peter parker mcu

[soysaucevictim]

New Year, New Program (technically going to be a rerun.)

-

Jan. 2

I woke up around 2PM, today.

After a bit of the usual, I did today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 [deep] side-to-side lunges with EC. This was just about manageable.

Last, Chapter 1 of the Age of Pandora Program. I’ve been wanting to revisit this program a lot, given how much I remember liking it. Let’s just say, AoP wasted no time in kicking my ass, barely got through Level 2 today, I’m BUSHED - the killer were the half jack squats.

(Pffft, I wound up echoing my feelings from last time, too. Let’s see if overall I can do things a bit more intensely than last time, however. But no guarantees.)

After some dishes, I made today’s Hello Fresh Meal. Italian garden veggie soup. I personally rather like it. Worth a revisit, I think!

On top of some of the usual & chatting, I basically pulled an all-nighter setting up a masterpost for fandom blog. Been wanting to get that dealt wit h for awhile.

-

Jan. 3

I woke up after 1PM.

One of the fist things I got started on today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 crunch kicks with EC. Just manageable.

Last, Chapter 2 of the AoP. First part, I managed Level 3, with the maximum rest. Jump knee tucks are pretty intense, but I could manage this okay.

Second part, I went for Level 3 too. Split the 4′ wall-sit time into: 2′ wall-sit + 2′ rest + 1′ wall-sit +1′ rest + 1′ wall-sit. Think my quads were pretty much done from everything I did the past two days. Or being somewhat sleep deprived didn’t really help matter. But this was no less a challenge.

(Looks like last time, I managed this in 2x2′. Ah well.)

I spent few hours finally getting around to updating my DD archive/log.

Then after/while doing some chatting, me and friend watched Pacific Rim together. Good movie.

The last thing I did that day was whip up a sketch of iZ!Remus I’ve been wanting to draw for the past few weeks.

Got to bed late and in the red zone, but earlier than yesterday.

-

Jan. 4

I woke up after 1PM.

One of the fist things I got started on today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 jumping lunges with EC. Not super low/deep but no less ending/fatiguing.

Last, Chapter 3 of the AoP. I did both the rep and set number to Level 3 today (20 reps per exercise, 7 sets total), rested for the maximum 2′. I had a brief moment of self-doubt on whether I could manage this today, but I’m happy I could get through it alright. Split jacks are still probably not my favorite kind of jack (a bit too close to a dang jumping lunge, pffft.)

(This was a day I surpassed my first go around. Did Level 2′s rep count and Level 3′s set count. Which is basically half as intense as how I performed today, a nice little achievement!)

Did some dishes, made some dinner, and hit the showers after that.

Spent a good few hours working on and streaming that iZ!Remus drawing some more. Chatting throughout.

After a few more hours on the usual, I got to bed a bit later than yesterday.

-

Jan. 5

I woke up after 10AM.

One of the fist things I got started on today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 single leg deadlifts with EC. This was pretty manageable, not much to really comment on.

Last, Chapter 4 of the AoP. Level 3, max rest. I might’ve been able to shorten my rest periods - given I think that this was a tiny bit easier than prior chapters. But ah well. Got it done.

After some of the usual, spent most of the day working on and streaming that iZ!Remus drawing some more. Chatting throughout.

I went to bed around the same time as yesterday.

-

Jan. 6

I woke up after 11AM.

After a bit of logging stuff (and unnecessary/mistaken appointment preparation), I went into today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 seagulls with EC. I did this 20/20 to be a bit easier on the elbows. But it was manageable.

Last, Chapter 5 of the AoP. 18 travel points taken, I went for Level 2. I did the 180 reps as high knees, in one go.

For the workout proper - I went for Level 3 (5 sets), with max rest. the 2x8 push-ups per set were getting a bit sloppy. But I felt it enough.

Bleh. And then the whole fascist coup attempt shit happened in the WH today. Just exhausting to even think about or process right now.

Forced self to get dishes done, making dinner, and finishing draw/streaming that iZ!Remus drawing. Got a bit grouchy with the process - in part not helped by Everything Happening. But screw it. Happy I got it done at all.

Got to bed obscenely late - later than yesterday (and later than I had any business to - did finish the drawing around 2AM).

-

Jan. 7

I woke up after 11AM.

Spent a good few hours on the usual stuff before doing today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 scorpion twists, with EC. A fun one, as usual.

Last, Chapter 6 of the AoP. This chapter wast the one to introduce one to the job system of the program. Had three different jobs to pick from and I decided to do all three. Took me a bit over an hour to complete these tasks:

Camp to Canis = 12TP | xLv2 (HK)

Canis to Bunker 201 = 19TP | xLv2 (HK)

[Chapter] - Bunker Job = 50 Push-Ups (5x10)

Bunker 201 to Camp "Mira" = 13TP | xLv2 (HK)

[Chapter] - Camp Mira Job = 200 half jacks (100+60+40)

Camp Mira to The Swamps = 21TP (HK; 11+10)

[Chapter] - The Swamps Job = 400 side-to-side backfists (1x400)

The Swamps to Canis = 43TP (HK; 10+11+11+11)

108 total travel point done at Lv2 as high knees. Split some batches of exercise as above. Earned 380 scraps for it - spent 80 superfluously.

Interspersed amongst the usual, I did do more dishes and writing for the iZ!AU today.

I got to bed really late, but earlier than yesterday.

-

Jan. 8

I woke up proper after 1PM.

After a bit of the usual, I did today’s only exercise - the DD.

First, today’s DD. 2′ tricep dip hold without EC. Split this inot 2x1′, with 1′ rest. Mostly due to energy levels. And trying not  to have chair dig into back too uncomfortably.

After a bit of YouTube and dishes, I made tonight’s Hello Fresh Meal. Chicken and guac burrito bowls. Reasonably tasty, i gave myself kind of a lot. Everybody liked it well enough.

(I really didn’t need to eat so much frozen pizza after that either, so I was groggy and overfull for basically the rest of the night.)

Most of the rest of my night was spent BSing. Got to bed obscenely late again.

#adventures with fitness #adventures with hello fresh #current events/ #politics/ #(tried to keep that part brief - but yeah)

[rosieblower]

Does University Affect Student Mental Health and Wellbeing?

After being accepted to University, there are a few things that you need to do: register to classes, register with a GP, receive vaccinations, join societies, attend freshers fares, adhere to your new timetable, complete mass amounts of holiday tasks and eventually move in. It was an overwhelming possibility at the time. Still, my parents and I packed everything I owned into my surprisingly spacious, blue ford ka and set off to begin my new life. There were more storage boxes than I could count, the smell of polystyrene packaging lingered and an essential full length mirror split the vehicle in half, so mum and dad had to talk over it to ask me how excited I was.

Before I had chance to answer, we were at my accommodation, unpacking my possessions and greeting my new flat mates. My family, who I had lived with and seen every day of my life until now, proudly said goodbye and that these would be ‘the best years of your life’. I stood in the kitchen with six little chairs, six little cupboards and six little shelves in the fridge, where I would learn to cohabitate and I was unsure whether to feel ecstatic or scared. Instead I felt naked; all that covered me was a complimentary hoodie and a lanyard. I embraced it. I had been identified as a fresher and I intended to live like one. Even after summer, the fun shouldn’t stop so every day went something like this: 2pm wake up 3pm crawl to lecture 4pm go home 5pm see flat mates 6pm nap 7pm get ready 8pm pub 9pm pres 10pm pre drinking 11pm trebles (triple shots for the price of one) 12pm club 1am deep chats in the smoking area 2am after party 3am Maccies 4pm bed.

The University lifestyle consumed me as I attempted to survive, Bear Grills would not be impressed. My exiting English and Drama degree saw no routine, sleep, socialisation or food for weeks. Relationships broke down as quickly as I built them because freshers make friends then disappear for the holidays and we disperse all over the country like a millennial virus. I had never suffered from mental health problems before however, most of my friends were open about this and it allowed me to question my internal thoughts. Despite the struggle, I was educationally productive by devising pieces and throwing myself into work. One exercise occurred early morning for a workshop to help inspire ensembles to create their own piece, in which I and three others were chosen. One student walked an imaginary grid around the studio, one in slow motion, one speaking in a different language than myself, who was running to and fro whilst being prompted to improvise a monologue. It was based on the colour red. Connotations of love, fear and flowers popped into my head and out my mouth, as sweat rolled down my cheeks. I spoke about the taste of my mother’s cooking, how I was homesick because my friends were there and how relationships are irrelevant when you look at the bigger picture. They say the greatest thing you can do is move from your home town as it puts life into perspective. They tell you how wonderful life will be but not about the overwhelming need to visit your dog. Time passed as I scaled the room and an applause from my peers erupted once the other members of my group placed their arms around me. I only registered silence. This was now my coping mechanism... although I was unashamed to ask for additional support.

Entering The Student Wellbeing Center, I felt like a contestant on Stars in Your Eyes. ‘Tonight Matthew, I’m going to be...’ I step out of the lift; the cloud of smoke fades and a horseshoe shaped desk appears with sympathetic faces staring back. I approach Jackie with my fingers in a twist and she thankfully speaks first ‘hello, how can I help?’ I tried to form an answer in my head before tears reached my lips. ‘I’m not really sure; I’ve never done this before.’ The bitter taste of salt allowed me to compose myself as the woman spoke ‘I’m afraid you’ve come out of hours but if you let me scan your student card I can give you some information that may help you’. She handed me a leaflet and I hurried out of there, hoping no one I knew could see me.

The University of Lincoln Student Wellbeing Center offers counselling, academic support, multi-faith chaplaincy and documentation of your visits. Unknowing to me at the time, their drop in sessions are 12-2 Monday to Friday. Their website states ‘University life can be a fantastic experience, but it also comes with its own challenges, see what support is available here.’ It aids all students of diverse backgrounds from each gender, class and ethnicity. Upon contact I was informed ‘any questions would need to be processed and emailed to head office before being published’ and as they are understandably busy, their lack of response allowed me to carry out my own research. When asked ‘has University affected your mental health?’ in a 2019 poll on social media, 908 students voted yes against 93 voting no. This phenomenal response of a closed question shows the scale in which students are suffering from thoughts of self harm, negative ideas and the stress of deadlines. The question caused controversy as some students assume everyone agrees whereas other public members were open to further questions and contacted me with support. It must not be ignored that mental health effects all ages and social groups as an MQ landscape analysis 2015 found ‘1 in 4 people experience mental health problems each year – nearly 15 million people’. To gather an understanding of this population and unpick internal or external factors, I decided to meet those who suffer with mental health problems.

The library is a hive of potential and knowledge with students who gather to create a buzz. Between the honeycomb walls I have built a trust with two individuals who have openly shared their mental health experiences to help others however, their names have been changed for protection purposes. I met Chloe and Ross on my course and from a gendered perspective; they seemed like a good place to begin my research for finding ways in which university affects mental health.

I begin with Chloe by asking if the first year of university impacted her mental health; ‘At first I was in a better mental health state as I had problems at home and moving gave me the independence I needed, then as the year went by it started to deteriorate’. I thought back to when I had my jabs at the student medical center to avoid fresher's flu then the nurse slapped a plaster on after... asking this question felt a bit like that. Chloe continued ‘during freshers I was spiked and sexually assaulted which hugely affected my mental health’. I was already aware of these events; I had been at the other end of the phone when dark thoughts had crept into her head... it was just as hard hearing it the second time. I understand the appeal of £2 mixers in the club, but is it worth it when you leave wrapped in ambulance foil, looking like a jacket potato because someone has spiked you? On the plus side, £4 for two VK’s seems like a safer bet, as you can be more vigilant and protect yourself with a thumb over the head of a bottle. The need for recreational drugs shouldn’t give in to peer pressure and if you take them, it should be your own choice. The basics: always travel in groups, never walk home alone and don’t shit where you eat.

I find comfort in the next question, ‘did you seek help and if so, was the student wellbeing center useful?’ I ask. She thinks for a moment. ‘The waiting times are too long for a consultation. When I went to them, they were disorganized in sorting the appointment as they said it wouldn’t benefit my personal mental health issues’. Instead, she visited the University of Lincoln Student Health Centre where she was prescribed an initial dose of Mirtazapine: 15 mg orally once a day at bedtime. Side effects include loss of appetite and drowsiness alongside the recommendation of avoiding alcohol which impacts social ability if you’re a student. On the other hand, when asked what advice she would give to students who are suffering, she states ‘definitely get help when you feel yourself slipping. You don’t want to go too far.’ I wonder how such a small person handles such problems; I commend all 5ft 2 of her.

On his feet sits a pair of Dr Martens, fishnet tights and black attire stretches the length of his body. As a confident young man and aspiring actor, his assurance was affected when he started University as his friend died of Leukaemia which heightened his depression. Ross states that ‘coming to Uni has damaged my anxiety. I freaked out meeting new people and being in a different environment’. He adds ‘the first few weeks of university were uncomfortable but other than social drinking I wasn’t reliant on substances and improved my mental health on my own.’ Ready to further my education, University was the fresh start I needed therefore, I found it difficult to understand how Ross could move on from such a traumatic event.

Also, I couldn’t help differentiating the response between Ross and Chloe. I pointed this out to him and he nodded in response ‘men speaking about mental health has become a less taboo subject within society however, the practical mind-set some men inhabit, creates barriers.’ I asked him how he felt about seeking help as he shares his experience. ‘I didn’t go (to student wellbeing). I didn’t want to. I have a stigma that I can do this on my own. I sit and say I’m not alright to my friends but that’s about it’. His response supports the statistic that ‘In the UK, men are three times as likely to die by suicide as women. In the Republic of Ireland, the rate is four times higher among men than women’. This reminds me that some students are silent sufferers whereas other students have the confidence to become advocates for mental health awareness as it makes others less conscious when speaking out. University is a social construct and an unnatural situation so there is no wonder some students feel like a fish being asked to climb a tree. I support both personalities when approaching the subject of mental health.

Upon reflection I wrote this article in hope of self discovery, to empathise with others and to acknowledge the scale of this issue through research, facts and statistics. Although this piece seems to address first year students and their parents who may only identify the amazing, life changing experience of university, it is also a possibility that your child locks them self in their accommodation and doesn’t come into contact with anyone for days. This struggle applies to all audiences as every individual has good and bad days or negative thoughts without reasons behind them. The point is to check on your friends, even the ones who seem fine. From a young age we are shielded from the reality of suicide in society and the build up to this is ignoring mental health. The afore mentioned services appear in all Universities and they should be used alongside personal tutors provided by the faculty and the Student Help Desk that will address smaller issues such as losing your student card or solving timetable problems. From experience, first year is adapting, second year is the realisation of achieving deadlines that matter and third year is the worry of a dissertation. Despite the pressure, acknowledge what you have achieved and embrace the experience, because every day is a blessing when you struggle with a mental health problem.

By Rosie Blower

If you have been affected by any issues mentioned in this article please find support by visiting the student minds website: https://www.studentminds.org.uk/findsupport.html

[ts-2020-olympics]

Episode 17 -  “Bamboozle Me Faster So I Can Go To Sleep” - Sarah (FINALE)

Okay so Caeleb went out last round by a 4-3 vote against Sarah, in which, was surprised Sarah got that many votes, as I had thought Stoner was getting the votes over Sarah from the other side.  End of the day though, didn't really affect much, as target still went to jury, although was by far the toughest vote yet that I have had to make, as I really do personally like Caeleb, he was just too big a threat to be keeping around.   Now, I made the final 6, got a jigsaw immunity to try to win, or at least, one of myself, Stoner, Sarah or Tommy win this immunity, to keep the power on our side.  Then, my ideal this round would actually be Eve going over Kevin, but, I have a feeling my side will probably want to rather target Kevin.  So, will see what occurs, and go from there.   If anything, might even do a vote split if one of us 4 win immunity, but time will tell.   Anyways, it's surreal to believe that this game is almost over, and hoping to make final 5!

well........ y'all its a sad day, caeleb went home last night, 4-3 myself and eve in the minority with him, and its not looking too good for us. BUT WAIT RIGHT THERE.... i wake up and look in my bag and my CINNAMON APPLE CAELEB GAVE ME THE LEGACY ADVANTAGE !!!!! this acts as an idol at the final 6 which means I'm not going home !!!!! This is an incredible feeling but it still only gets me to the final 5, I have to play out from there until the end. I'm in a tricky situation with eve who I trust, but with this immunity being a puzzle i think if i really tried i could have a good shot at winning but do i risk winning 2 immunities in a row and THEN on top of that playing an advantage?? my threat level would increase SO MUCH, but it might be what i need, i dont see myself in the position to make any big flashy strategic moves in this end game, meaning i have to make a statement some other way to the jury. But do I risk losing the last 2 immunities?? It's an incredibly tough call that I have to make before i would like because i work through the challenge deadline and the first 2 hours of tribal, so i really need to get my shit together soon. I'm a lot of things but a quitter is not ones, im not in an ideal position but at least im in any position, better this than ponderosa. I just have to make the best move WHATEVER that is, and hope that it pays off in the longrun. Do i pitch a final 3 to tommy?? Would he take me to the end? Do i try and rekindle with sarah/stoner or do I bank on my relationship with darcy is enough to keep me in? So many factors, so little time, so many possibilities. Survivor gods please be on my side. Please. 

Eve I love you and you're great, but you pushed way too hard to know what my vote was, then tried to vote me out. Even if I'm a goat, I'm not THAT stupid 👀 Also. Even if I don't get individual immunity, I fuckin LOVE PUZZLES 

I can't believe I made it to the finale after this crazy season but it's no time to slow down I'm in the Final 6 and I need to keep playing hard because now I can be in a vulnerable position after flipping last tribal. I just need to make sure I don't go home tonight, or Darcy, or Stoner. Right now I think I can potentially win if I get to the end with the people I'm planning to so I just need to keep trying my hardest to stay afloat in this game, keep moving towards the goal and doing my best. Hopefully I end up on top! :) 

CHRIS IS VOTED OUT

Final 5 and I feel like I already lost the game, but as long as they keep me I'm going to keep fighting until the end and try to win at final tribal council if I''m able to survive. I think if I can survive tonight's Final 5 tribal I have a really good shot at making it to Final 3 so it's all about making it to Final 3 at this point because I need to be there to have a shot at winning. 

BAMBOOZLE ME FASTER SO I CAN GO TO SLEEP. But hey last tribal was spicy as hell idk how I keep being so stupid STONER YOU FOOL. I'm voting Darcy because I'm salty about being lied to, if I get voted out this round I'm ok with it because I made it this far anyways and I think I played an honest ass game. I'd rather go down with some dignity and no sense of moral turmoil and guilt (cough cough stoner) than go lying through my teeth to people I kinda like talking to. Also I watched tribal at 2am and never went to sleep again and am moderately delirious so catch me on no beauty sleep tonight only <3 

IM IN THE FINAL 5 BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY I WON IMMUNITY AND IM IN THE FINAL 4, BY 1 FREAKING POINT!!!! god bless...... i didnt confess last round so lets jump back... actually i might've but not after that TRIBAL. So basically i won immunity and had the legacy advantage which meant me and eve were in the final 5, but not everyone knew that, when i did my talking it seemed as though the consensus was DARCY... or so i thought, but either way I didnt want darcy out which meant I had to do something, despite eve wanting darcy too with my legacy advantage being the key component to that whole round I knew stoner had to go home after our last conversation together, practically threatening me and telling me im a big threat and im gonna go home, all while cockily saying he's not going anywhere, and continuously talking about how keeping him is good because he's gonna do what's "convenient" but guess what stoner, you can't reason with convenience, so he had to go. so I told eve we should do stoner instead, the threat of him having an idol had been around since the final 7 and with next round the last time to play one and my legacy being good until 6 i was in a tricky spot, so I swapped mine and eves votes to stoner and luckily they split they're votes somehow for some reason and after eves 2 were cancelled the vote was 2-2 which could have ended up as a tie but with myself and eve both SAFE we had nothing to lose to campaign at tribal why stoner should go and how we aren't going to flip our votes, in the end it worked and 4-0. After tribal i approach sarah considering her allies just blindsided her to which i am presented with the idea that she wants DARCY gone, cracks were already forming which is JUST WHAT I WANTED, i knew stoner was the glue holding sarah and darcy together if at all considering each of their relationships to him, so cutting him out broke the ice on the darcy vs sarah fued. Fast forward to now, i win immunity after a STRESSFUL FUCKING DAY OF THIS CHALLENGE, but i won so im GRATEFUL. Anyways it seems like people still wanna do Darcy, tommy and eve included, HOWEVER, if i had it my way tommy would go home tonight, he's a big physical threat and if FIC is a pressure cooker I don't see myself beating him, and if i can use this to keep darcy on my side and potentially protect me if eve flips on me at four then thats great, if not that then darcy and sarah can continue to be at each others throats while me and eve go to the final 3. 

DARCY IS VOTED OUT

SARAH IS VOTED OUT

Tonight is final trial! I need all the luck I can get, tonight it the determining factor that will show who the winner of this long chaotic season will be, stay tuned!

FINAL TRIBAL COUNCIL TAKES PLACE

Well tonight after final tribal council it feels like I have no chance, I was thrown off by nicole (Rightfully so) and didn't know how to recover. Ive learned how Egotistical and how much of a bully people see me as. I really dont see a point in winning a game if people think im those things. I really hope kevin gets his second win and joins the ranks of 2 time winners, he really deserves it, hes so kind and has been typing to me while i was crying after that all. To say the least, I dont know what else to say in this game, I had a lot of fun getting to know people. I played hard, but unfortunately I guess I need to do some self work from the sounds of it. Maybe I'm just taking Nicoles speech about me to hard, but i really thought me and her made up. Clearly, theres still some things that need to be discussed between the two of us. I never meant to hurt anyones feelings, put down anyone, or make people feel like they where beneath me, but I guess i did, and I have to own that now. This game really has reminded me of why 1) I am in this community because of the AMAZING PEOPLE ive met and 2) Why i need to take a break from them, because at the end of the day, I clearly have a lot to work on to make sure im not an egotistical bully, for some reason those words stuck with me more than anything else that was said tonight. Thank you monty and gage for the AMAZING season and the good times, sorry if my game was not as good as it could be. I feel like ive crawled my way up from the bottom so many times. And here I am sitting at FTC, feeling on the bottom again. 

#zestypowerfuluniqueflavorfulhealthy #confessionals

[idabbleincrazy]

1st Blogiversary Challenge

I joined Tumblr back on May 8th 2018 (2 days before that episode aired). So since we're creepin’ up on that day, I've decided to hold another challenge since I didn't when i hit my last milestone.

This challenge is going to be a bit different from most as I will list the prompts in sections by fandom and character/ship.

Rules:

Must be following me. It is to celebrate my blog turning one, after all.

Send me an Ask with the prompt(s) you want to use. Each prompt can be chosen by up to 2 people.

Feel free to combine a Song Prompt with a Dialogue Prompt

Threesomes are allowed, but NO Wincest/Angelcest and NO underage(i.e. Jack) smut. Not shaming, just not my thing. 

Bonus points if you write one of my favorite polys

Posts/links are due by May 9th so that they can be added to the Masterlist by the 10th. All others will of course still be read and reblogged, just not as heavily promoted.

Make sure to @ me and use #dabbles1stblogiversary so I can reblog and masterlist it.

Prompts under the cut

Lucifer (Netflix):

Song Prompts:

Only You (Yazoo) - DeckStar

Dialogue Prompts:

“It’s okay to cry…”

iZombie:

Song Prompts:

 Friday, I'm in Love (The Cure) - Bliv or Rayton

Dialogue Prompts:

“You can scream if you want.” (Bliv)

“Your favorite superhero can’t be a villain.”

Supernatural:

Gabriel:

Song Prompts:

Ancient Man (Deadboy and the Elephantmen) - 1 left

Breathless (The Corrs)

One Day I'll Fly Away (Moulin Rouge)

Holding My Own (The Darkness)

Dialogue Prompts:

“I just like proving you wrong.” - 1 left

“Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.” - 1 left

“You’re going out dressed like that?”

“It’s just you and me tonight. I was thinking we could have a little fun.”

“I prefer blondes.”

“I just need ten minutes.”

Sabriel:

Song Prompts:

 I Can Dream About You (Dan Harman)

You're the Best Thing About Me (U2 & Kygo)

The Crystal Ballroom (U2)

How Do You Talk To An Angel (The Heights)

I Hate Myself For Loving You (Joan Jett)

Hazel Eyes (The Darkness)

Ever Fallen In Love (The Buzzcocks)

Take A Chance On Me (Abba) - 1 left

Growing On Me (The Darkness)

Dialogue Prompts:

“I’m in love with you, asshole!” “W-would you repeat that?” “No. You have ears that work. G’night.” - 1 left

“How long have you been standing there?”

“I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.”

“D..did you just make that noise?”

“For the hundredth time, I’m not your babysitter.”  

“Frost the damn cupcakes.” - 1 left

“Is there a reason you’re naked in my bed?” 

“You didn’t just wake me up at 2am because you were ‘in the mood’.” 

“We’re not playing strip poker. I don’t care what I said when I was drunk.”

Sam:

Song Prompts:

I Gotta Get Outta Here (Alice Cooper)

Changes (David Bowie)

Dialogue Prompts:

“If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.” - 1 left

“You better watch yourself.” 

“The skirt is supposed to be this short.”

“You look pretty hot in plaid.”  

“That’s my shirt. So is that..wait?” 

“Run! You said you’d work out with me!” 

“Oh, did I scare you, big boy?”

Dean:

Song Prompts:

Bandaged Hand (Louden Swain)

What's Up? (4 Non Blondes)

Dialogue Prompts:

“Quit it or I’ll bite.”

“Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.”

“Me and the boys will handle it.”

“You’re competitive and so am I, and it’s going to lead to a fight.”

“Why do you only kiss me when I’m sleeping?”

Destiel:

Song Prompts:

I Can Dream About You (Dan Harman)

Laid (James)

I Want You (Savage Garden)

Follow You Down (Gin Blossoms)

All For You (Sister Hazel)

Slide (Goo Goo Dolls)

The Crystal Ballroom (U2)

Cherry Pie (Warrant)

Can't Fight This Feeling (REO Speedwagon)

Dialogue Prompts:

“Looks like we’re gonna be stuck here for a while.”

“Well, you’re coming home with me whether you like it or not.”

“I thought you were dead!”

“Mind if I join you?”

“After everything…I’d still choose you.”

Castiel:

Dialogue Prompts:

“Trust me.”

“Did they hurt you?”

“Do you really think I could ever replace you?”

“Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep. Wait…are you…what?!” - 1 left

“Use your words.”

Chuck:

Song Prompt:

What if God Was One of Us? (Joan Osborne)

Dialogue Prompts:

“You’re not as quiet as you think you are.”

“I won’t let you get hurt.”

“Don’t shut me out.”

“You had a nightmare, tell me what it was about so I can fix it.”

Debriel (For @marichromatic) 

Song: Faith (George Michael)

Dialogue: “Look, all I know is that I was not groped by an Angel.”

#dabbles1stblogiversary #challenge #blogs first anniversary

[btskismet]

Kismet (Chapter 14): A BTS Jin imagines fanfic

First ever fanfic. Contains fluff and smut. Please read sequentially as it is a long story arc. Please provide feedback! My IG is btskismet.

It was their last day before they would go back home. She felt a massive pit in her stomach, just thinking that she would be flying back. His flight was earlier than hers and he felt bad that he would leave ahead of her.

Seokjin hugged her from behind in bed. He was quiet just as she was and it seemed like they were thinking of the same thing.

"Jagiya, we inside whole day. Ok?", he said in English. She nodded yes as a response. "Dinner with JHope?", she asked and he said later.

He handed her an earpiece and as soon as it turned on, he said, "I want to spend this whole day with you all to myself, ok?", Seokjin said. She looked back and said alright and received a long kiss as a reply.

They spent the whole day as if they were newlyweds on their honeymoon. They had sex several times and they would stop only to rest and recharge, if not to eat. He explored every inch of her body and they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. They wore their bath robes the whole time. At any point he would get aroused, Seokjin with pounce on her again so it didn't make sense to dress up.

He was tempted to cancel on JHope and Taehyung for dinner and karaoke but he kept saying that he wanted to hear her sing.

They also tried to watch a movie in Netflix which ended as a failure. As soon as the characters started kissing, they would reach out for each other, kiss and end up doing it again.

She discovered that he likes his neck being massaged as a means to get him turned on. He wanted her on top of him more as he enjoys looking up to watch her face when she came.

What she thought as the number of times that would make Seokjin totally spent was not even close to the actual number of times needed so he would become spent. He was hungry as he was virile and he really milked her dry. At the end of each time though, she felt closer to him as she now knew his breath, his scent, his taste, his touch, his everything.

~~~~~

"So, what was your nightmare about? Do you remember?", she asked him while they ate some pasta and steak brought to the room.

"It was the same dream I had but there were a few things that were new. At one point, you and I were cooking together. Another thing is there was something I was reading and it got me so sad and angry. I can't remember what.."

"Is that why you shouted no in your sleep?”, she asked.

"I think so.", he said. "It's weird. Why are we dreaming the same thing?"

"I know.", she contemplated as well. "Do you think we've met before?"

Seokjin looked at her, trying to consider the prospect. "I don't know. Maybe? Do you even believe in things like that?"

"No. But it's just so strange.", she replied.

Seokjin drank some soda. "Well, no use thinking about it now. We'll just stress ourselves figuring it out."

She nodded. Seokjin finished his food and so did she. As she was about to clear the table, Seokjin pulled her away. "Come on, we should have a warm bath now because I'm not done with you yet." She smiled and allowed him to lead her to the bathroom.

~~~~~

They met at a restaurant called Yakiniku Sanshirou which was not far from the hotel. Seokjin and her decided to walk since it was just 12 minutes away and the weather, though cold, was nice in the evening. They decided to meet JHope and Taehyung there around 9pm. 

They leisurely walked to the place as they were enjoying the quiet streets with several people walking. The location of the restaurant wasn’t in the touristy side of Otaru so there would be less people to worry about. Just the same, they reserved the booth at the back so it would be secluded.

Seokjin was looking at her as they were walking. “What?”, she asked. He smiled and then touched the tip of her nose. “Your nose is a little red... and cold!”, he said laughing.

She put her hand to her nose, concerned about how it looked. “Is it that bad?”, she said and felt conscious. He swayed his head. “No. It matches your cheeks since you’re pretty flushed.”

She had an expression of panic and started to look for her mirror in her bag. Seokjin laughed and stopped her by grabbing her hands. “Don’t do anything. I’m to blame that’s why you look like that.” He looked at her knowingly and winked.

“Yes, you’re the culprit. The many things you did to me... tsk, tsk...”, she said.

Frankly, she felt like her legs were about to fall off. She hasn’t had sex that much and that long EVER. It made her giggle inside just thinking about it.

The restaurant comprised of two floors and it looked like two container vans on top of each other. It had a simple facade with a glass door in front and lamps pointed at the restaurant name in Japanese. It wasn’t a flashy place but at 10 steps away, the scent of grilled meat wafted about. Seokjin quickened his pace when he smelled it and was eager to go in.

They were the first ones to get there. The first floor was filled with people but the second floor was hardly filled. The tables upstairs were more for smaller groups and the first floor catered to bigger groups. 

They checked the menu right away and Seokjin was thrilled that though it was a yakiniku, there was more Korean fare than Japanese.

Seokjin started ordering everything Korean in the menu as well as pork and beef to be grilled. “Have you tried yukgaejang before?”, he asked her. She swayed her head. “It’s beef and vegetable soup. Really good!”, he said and told the waiter they want one. “Ah! And Soju and Otaru beer! Kudasai? Arigatou!”

She looked at the English version of the menu and said: “Can we get some Stone Bowl Bibimbap? I love those.”, she asked. 

Seokjin smiled and ordered one. “Well, look at you! And I thought the only Korean food you eat is grilled meat and japchae...”

“Ha! I’m not as uncultured as you think. I appreciate Korean food as well, you know. I just can’t eat it if it is too hot.”, she interjected.

“Name the Korean food you eat then!”, he challenged her.

She counted and focused on remembering the names: “Bibimbap, japchae, bulgogi, kimchi... uh... samgyupsal, kim... pajeon, mandu, gimbap...”  

As she was providing her list, JHope and Tae arrived. She didn’t notice them and Seokjin didn’t make her feel that they were behind her, listening to her list.

“... Tteokboki, bingsu... and...”, she trailed off and covered her face with her hands, trying to recall the names.

“Ah! Lotte Pepero sticks and Calbee Honey Butter Chips!”, she exclaimed.

She heard loud clapping behind her which made her jump and Seokjin was laughing and clapping at her reaction. She saw JHope and Taehyung clapping. JHope was saying wow amazing while Taehyung was clapping softly though he had a calm expression.

Seokjin stood up and hugged both of them and then sat beside her. JHope and Taehyung sat on the other side. 

“You know lots Korean food, ah?”, JHope said in English. She smiled sweetly at him. “Yes, I like Korean food.” 

JHope, Taehyung and Seokjin started talking in Korean and she understood from Seokjin’s translation that they wanted to know the food they ordered. 

JHope asked for the earpiece from Seokjin and started talking to her. “So, looks like we will go to karaoke tonight! I heard from Jin hyung that you sing.”

“Not that much. I’m not as good as you guys.”, she said shyly.

“Ah, I am interested to hear this song Jin hyung messaged me about.”, he pulled out his phone to check the message. “Fly me to the moon?”

She smiled. “If they have it there, I can sing it. It’s a classic song so I’m not sure if they will have it there.”

“Well, let’s see! I want to hear your voice. Maybe you can help us in the next album!”, JHope chided. She said he was sweet and asked him questions about his Hope World album.

In the corner of her eye, she observed Seokjin speaking with Taehyung in a calm but somewhat formal manner. Taehyung was acting more cordially to him. She also noticed that he would steal glances to look at her talking to JHope and most especially in instances when Seokjin gave her a piece of meat or vegetable he grilled. He even cut up some pieces just for her to eat. Taehyung didn’t look annoyed or upset but more of taking stock of what he was observing.

~~~~~

Mash Karaoke was one of only four Karaoke joints in Otaru. It was on the third floor of a nondescript building, 15 minutes away by foot from the restaurant. They got to go there right away after their manager and staff dropped them off. They told the guys they would come back for JHope and Taehyung around 2am or earlier if they wanted to.

JHope said that he wanted to be the one to choose the room as he wanted it to be as spacious as possible. He had a tendency to dance if the songs they sing are upbeat and fun. Seokjin was pleased about JHope’s enthusiasm. Taehyung also was thrilled and looked at the selection of songs right away.

They started to sing some of the Korean songs that were on the list. As the beer and soju came, they started singing song after song. She wasn’t familiar with all the songs they sang but there was one that she recognized. 

Seokjin started singing the song he sang with JK in one Bangtan Bomb episode. “I know this song!”, she said to JHope. “This is Wildflower by Park Hyo Shin, right?” 

“Yes! Woowwww, you know it! Do you know a lot of Korean songs?”, JHope asked.

“Just a few that’s not from you guys. Most of the Korean songs I know are from your group haha.”

JHope then got her attention and pointed at Seokjin, who was looking at her as he was singing the chorus. She felt a little shy that he was paying attention to her as he sang. She knew the song was about love lost that couldn’t be forgotten. It made her feel sad and she knew that he chose this for the reason that they would be parting soon. She was really close to crying but he belted out the refrain and she was blown away. Ohmigod, he didn’t sound like this in the video, she thought. He really has improved in his singing.

They all clapped for him when he ended his song. She smiled and said it was beautiful. He sat beside her and kissed her cheek slowly. “Saranghae.”, he whispered which made her blush.

Taehyung then stood up and went close to the screen to sing his song. She wasn’t sure what song it was but it sounded very lonely. She looked at Seokjin, who was looking through the songbook for another song to sing. 

After he sang, she clapped and gave him a standing ovation. She surprised JHope and Seokjin but most especially Taehyung. “JHope, can you please let him know that it was beautiful and I’ve never heard this song until today but the  song matches his voice perfectly that he should’ve sang it originally?” JHope translated for her and Taehyung had a big smile after that. He said thanks and blushed slightly.

She noticed that the next song was also Taehyung’s choice: Someone Like You by Adele. She already had a chance to make Taehyung smile - she was thinking she could do more to make him comfortable with her.

“Jagiya, you haven’t sung anything!”, Seokjin exclaimed. She was surprised that he got the earpiece from JHope and passed the song book to her. 

“I know. Would you mind passing the earpiece to Taehyung please? I want to ask him something.”

Seokjin said ok but was a little curious as to what she meant. He took it off and explained it to Taehyung who looked at her as he wore the earpiece. “Hi. Yes?”, he asked.

She explained what she wanted and he was listening intently. He nodded and said sure. JHope and Seokjin were wondering what they were talking about but as soon as Taehyung pressed play for the next song, he handed one microphone to her. Seokjin and JHope clapped excitedly when they realized they were going to do a duet.

Taehyung started the first verse while she took the second one. She adjusted to the lower key best as possible and even had a chance to blend with Taehyung in several verses.

After the song, Taehyung gave her a high five since they did quite well together. JHope stood up to give them hugs and Seokjin shook Taehyung’s hand and hugged him. 

“Jagiya! You have a great voice. I’m sooo proud!”, Seokjin beamed. “Did I also do a good job in connecting with Taehyung?”, she whispered to him. Seokjin gave her two thumbs up. “Thanks for doing that. I think he’s more relaxed now and more open to you.”

They enjoyed more songs together. They sang several songs together from Psy, Girls Generation, Drake, some of their own songs and even Despacito (which Seokjin danced to). JHope also sang a few upbeat songs and when they were getting tipsy, they had a screaming match while singing So Chan Whee’s Tears. She found it so funny that they were all trying to sing/scream the chorus and they danced like girls.

As they started to get more drunk, she decided it was time for her to sing more. She asked the guys if she could sing her usual lineup of songs. “Since you three have had your own mini concert already and are super drunk...”, she expressed jokingly. 

“Yeah, come on!!!”, JHope shouted, red-faced and smiling. Taehyung, who looked a little sleepy, raised his glass of soju to her and mouthed the words go, go, go. Seokjin sat there, massaging her back loudly said, “Show them how it’s done, Jagiya!”

She sang a few songs in succession: Broken-Hearted Girl by Beyonce, Million Reasons by Lady Gaga and Katamoi by Aimer (which JHope recorded since he recognized it as a song RM shared via twitter).

Seokjin was impressed in her singing and kept hugging her after each song she sang. He also kept looking for Fly Me To The Moon but they didn’t have it which made him pout.

She cleared her throat and said, “First of all, I want to say I am very honored to have half of the famous BTS group here to listen to me sing tonight...”, she said, as they were hooting and Seokjin translating in the background. 

“My last song for tonight is a Japanese love song that I have not ever sang in public. But I will now and I am dedicating it to my jagiya, Kim Seokjin...”

She sang Final Distance by Utada Hikaru. Seokjin watched her with a smile as she sang it. JHope showed him his phone with the lyrics of the song in Korean. As he was reading it, Seokjin’s expression changed into sadness and quietly watched her sing the song with as much emotion as she could pour into it. 

--- to be continued ---

#bts imagination #bts imagines #btsjin #bts jin fanfic #btsimagine #btskismet

[annathewitch]

Things that go bump in the night

100 follower challenge ficlet for @starmission. Prompt “why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?” for Leonard McCoy

Summary: Bones x reader. Reader is having trouble sleeping and is surprised at how much McCoy tries to help with the unusual problem.

Words: 3000

Warnings: teen rating for mentions of sex and swearing

A/N: sorry it’s taken so long to start getting these celebration ficlets done. I should point out that I actually wrote the first part for the celebration, and then really wanted to see what would happen next, so wrote part 2. You lucky folks get both parts! This is just silliness and fluff, but is based on a real-life problem my co-worker was having…

“Is there something particularly interesting about the door of my supply closet Lieutenant Y/L/N?”

 “Huh?” Startled out of your trance, you look at Doctor McCoy and then back at the perfectly ordinary white door, which is exactly like all the other thousands of white doors on the Enterprise.

 He inclines his head towards the closet. “You’re staring at it like it holds the answers to the meaning of the universe. If it does, you should tell the Captain, because then we can all get the hell out of here and go home.” 

You squint at him. It’s supposed to be Doctor M’Benga on duty for Gamma shift but instead you’ve got McCoy and he’s asking you about doors. “Do you have any chloroform in there?” you blurt out, and even as it leaves your mouth you know it sounds like the request of a deranged individual.

To his credit, and probably as a result of years of training to deal with idiotic questions, the doctor only raises one eyebrow and scrutinises you for a second, before asking curiously, “why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?”

You start tapping your foot and you throw your hands up in exasperation, you might as well be honest with the man, since he probably already thinks you’re mad. “I wanted to knock myself out, okay?”

McCoy’s composure is pretty impressive. His reputation for flying off the handle at the least sign of idiocy seems undeserved, but then maybe he’s just waiting to see the full extent of your stupidity so he can determine how high to crank the dial. “Well I guess I should be relieved you’re not planning to reenact a kidnapping from some kind of pulp crime novel. Is there a reason you want to knock yourself out, or is it just for fun?”

Seriously, you reply, “Oh believe me there is nothing fun about it. I haven’t slept in, like, two weeks, and I think I’m going a little bit crazy,” whispering the last bit like it’s a secret. So you’re a bit surprised when the doctor’s mouth twitches in a smile.

“Can’t sleep huh? Come on, let’s get you checked out.” He motions towards a biobed and you hop up compliantly. “I’ve got to say there are better ways of knocking yourself out than chloroform Y/L/N, which might be why it’s been illegal for medical purposes for about a hundred years.”

“Really? Don’t get much call for anaesthetics beyond tranquilliser darts in xeno-zoology. I didn’t fancy using one of those, they sting.” You shuffle about a bit on the bed, trying to get comfortable. McCoy presses a warm hand to your shoulder.

“Keep still will you, just while I scan you.” You settle and he nods his thanks. “So is there anything you think might be stopping you sleeping properly?” He’s scrutinising the biobed readout as he asks the question.

You heave a big sigh. “Noisy sex.”

McCoy freezes and stares down at you mouth slightly open. He shakes his head slightly. “I’m sorry did you just say… uh…”

“Noisy sex. Yeah. After two weeks of it I’m just exhausted.” You close your eyes and rub the heel of your hand into the sockets. When you open them again the doctor is still staring at you, although he seems to have gone kind of red around the ears.

“Well Y/L/N,” he eventually says stiffly, “I suggest you maybe lay off the… uh… nocturnal activities and prioritise getting some actual sleep.” He turns away and busies himself with something, and it takes your foggy brain a second or two to catch up.

You sit up bolt upright and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. “Oh shit, no! Not me! I mean I practically can’t remember the last time I had sex, and it definitely wasn’t noisy. Not for me anyway. Shit. No. It’s my neighbour, they hooked up with someone a couple of weeks ago and, well, the walls are remarkably thin and they’re… vocal. It’s like having a pair of mating Sehlats next door, you know, all grunts and shrieks. So yeah. No sleep and a crazy urge to knock myself out…”

McCoy has turned around, about halfway through your unstoppable outburst, and he’s definitely reached the limits of his composure now, because his eyebrows are in his hairline and he’s red all over. He opens his mouth and closes it again.

“Too much information?” you ask quietly, mortified to have blurted all that out to the doctor.

“Yeah. Little bit.” His voice is kind of gruff and his gaze is focussed absolutely on the monitor above the bed and not on you.

“Sorry. I just really need some shut-eye. I’m getting behind at work and I really don’t want to have to explain to Commander Spock why that is.”

“No I don’t imagine you do. Mind you, he had a Sehlat as a pet, so it’s possible he’d have some idea of what you’re dealing with.” He’s looking at you now with mirth in his eyes. You can’t decide what colour they are, but they’re pretty. “Well Y/L/N, your cortisol levels are raised and your blood pressure is a bit elevated. I can give you something that will put you out for tonight, but it’s not a long-term solution. Have you tried just asking them to keep it down?”

You sigh, “Yeah, I asked and they were apologetic, but it was all like ‘oh you know how it is when you get carried away in the heat of the moment.’” Fiddling with the slightly frayed cuffs on your academy sweater, you add, “you know what? I really don’t know.”

McCoy gives a noncommittal grunt, and you realise you’re on the verge of oversharing again. You’re not quite sure why your mouth keeps running away with you around McCoy, but you’re pretty certain that this wouldn’t happen with M’Benga.

“I guess we can deal with it tomorrow. I’ll go get you those meds.” He disappears in the direction of the supply closet, and you yawn and stretch thinking that ‘we’ sounds kind of nice. The bleeps and chirps of medbay machinery are kind of hypnotic after a while and you close your eyes just for a second.

The doctor comes back a couple of minutes later, brandishing a couple of hypos. But he stops short when he sees you keeled over on your side, legs still hanging off the side of the biobed, snoring gently. For a second he just looks at you, shaking his head, then he gently picks your legs up and puts them on the bed before covering you with a blanket.

Settling down in his office, he makes sure he can see across to your bed from behind his desk, just in case you might wake up disoriented or something. He quickly types out a message to Spock to excuse you from your shift tomorrow.

It’s the following evening and you find yourself raising procrastination to a fine art. You’ve kicked Sulu’s ass at dom-jot at least ten times, and lingered in the mess hall over your dinner for over an hour, before doing an extended workout in the gym. But eventually you can’t avoid going back to your quarters to find out what incredible vocal gymnastics your neighbour and their partner will manage tonight.

You decide to use some of your water credits and have a proper shower. Maybe if you can relax enough you can get to sleep before they start. Anything to avoid having to go back to Medbay. You could honestly have hugged Doctor McCoy for signing you off for the day, but you’re also mortified at the thought of what you told him, and you’re really not sure how you’ll ever look him in the eyes again.

You’re in comfy sweats, drying off your hair and it’s still mercifully quiet on the western front, when the door chime goes. To your surprise, McCoy is there leaning with one hand on the doorframe and holding a box under the other arm. He smiles a little hesitantly, looking at the towel in your hand. “Hey, did I come at a bad time?”

It turns out looking McCoy in the eyes is easy, they’re very pretty eyes after all. It’s stringing together a coherent sentence that’s hard. “Doctor! I was just… I wasn’t expecting… what are you…” You take a breath. “Hi.”

“Hi.” He straightens up and gestures into your quarters. “Is it okay if I come in? I have something for you.”

“Sure.” You step back, trying to ignore the fact that as he brushes past you, your palms have started to get all tingly. As he’s putting the box down on your tiny counter, you excuse yourself for a minute to blast your hair dry and attempt to make yourself a bit more presentable. It occurs to you that it didn’t really matter last night when you were wandering around Medbay, half crazy with sleep deprivation.

When you emerge, the doctor has perched on one of your stools, swinging gently from side to side, and is looking around your poky living space with interest. “So, Doctor McCoy I didn’t know you did house calls?”

Spinning around to face you, he grins. “Only for special cases. Anyway I’m off duty so this isn’t a house call, and you can stop with the ‘doctor’ business. It’s Leonard, or Len. Whichever.”

You plonk yourself down on the stool opposite Leonard. “Special cases huh?”

“Well, you’ve got to admit, you’ve got a pretty unique problem. And I did say I would try and help.” You stare at McCoy in disbelief. He’d said it, but you didn’t expect him to actually do anything.

He carries on, not noticing your surprise as he picks a couple of items out of the box. “So I talked to Scotty and gave me a pair of these to try. They’re industrial grade earplugs. But, since they block out so much noise, and you’ll be sleeping, hopefully, you’ll also need this.” He unpacks a thin plastic mat. “It’s an alert system, slips right under your pillow and connects to the ships computer to vibrate and wake you if there’s a red alert.” He swings from side to side again looking pleased with himself.

“You got these for me? You really didn’t have to Doc… Leonard,” you correct yourself, and he shrugs.

“It’s nothing darlin’. I mean if it stops you having to pilfer drugs from my supply closet in the middle of the night,” he says, teasing gently. “And also I might have done some research into those… uh… Sehlats.” A faint flush spreads across the doctor’s cheeks and a smile pulls at the corner of your lips.

“You did?”

“Yeah. You said they were loud, but goddammit that was something else! Chapel thought I was dying or something and practically battered down my office door. I… had some explaining to do.” You cover your mouth with your hand to stifle a laugh. McCoy looks up at you grinning again. “It might be funny to you, but I was the one who had to convince my head nurse that looking up mating Sehlats was legitimate medical research.” He shakes his head ruefully. “I’m not sure she believes me. But anyway, if that’s what you’re up against, some earplugs is the least I can do.”

The tingling feeling in your palms has spread to your stomach. You’re a little dumbfounded that he’s done all this for you, and your earlier urge to hug him has morphed into something else altogether. Together with the lingering sense of mortification, it makes you tongue-tied, and it’s all you can do to whisper some thanks.

A frown creases McCoy’s brow. “Are you okay Y/F/N? You’re awful quiet, at least compared to last night.” He studies you seriously, before clearing his throat. “I should be going anyway, don’t want to keep you up,” he offers gruffly, but you realise that’s the last thing you want.

“Leonard, don’t go.” He stills and you can feel his gaze on you even though you’re looking down at the counter. “Can you just forget ninety percent of what I said last night? I’m so embarrassed for oversharing like that.” You fiddle with the packet of the earplugs until a large hand places itself over yours and squeezes.

“Don’t feel awkward darlin’, I’ve heard so much worse.” He pauses for a second and you glance up to see him looking down at your joined hands thoughtfully before continuing, “I’ve got to be honest with you though, it kind of makes things a bit complicated. I’d really like to stay and I brought the fixings for hot chocolate McCoy family-style, in case you needed to unwind, but I don’t want you to think I’m trying to take advantage of you because of your, uh… dry spell.”

He releases your hand and rubs the back of his neck. That pink tinge is back in his cheeks and for some reason it gives you the courage to blurt out, “If you stay, I was going to watch a holo. And hot chocolate sounds… really good.”

With his smile it’s like the tingling sensation in your stomach metamorphoses into full-grown butterflies the size of the Andorian giants in the lab. You agree on a movie, and McCoy makes the drinks. It turns out a generous slug of bourbon is the secret ingredient in his family recipe, and you can’t argue with how amazing it tastes.

You settle down on the couch, which is too small for you not to be pressed right up against each other given the size of the doctor’s frame. He sprawls his legs out in front of him, and stretches his arm out along the back of the cushion behind you. As you relax a bit with the idea of him, you lean in and he drops his hand to your shoulder.

You’re about half an hour through the film when you hear the sound of voices next door. You can feel yourself tense and so can McCoy as he glances down at you before pulling you a tiny bit closer and rubbing soft circles across your back with his thumb. “Thanks,” you mumble, breathing in deeply and finding some comfort in his warm clean smell.

But it’s not long before things start to escalate into a gradual crescendo from moans and panting into thumps, and groans and bitten off curses. “Did they make these damned walled out of paper,” McCoy mutters.

“I don’t know, but it gets worse.” You wince as the thumping becomes the rhythmic bang of furniture against the wall and the doctor’s eyebrow shoots up. This continues for what seems like an age, until it reaches a peak of full blown shouts and shrieks and one long drawn out scream.

“You weren’t kidding darlin’,” McCoy says, looking incredulously at the wall between your quarters and next door. “ I thought they were knocking through at one point.”

“Yeah, well that was round one. They might end up crashing through the wall before they’re done tonight. Though I doubt that would stop them.”

“So it’s like this all night?” He gets up to pour you both a glass of the neat bourbon.

You nod. “Every time I doze off, they’re ready to go again.” You attempt a grin at McCoy as he hands you the drink, “I mean you have to admire their stamina.”

“And I thought living with Jim in the academy was bad.” He shakes his head in disbelief. “You should try the earplugs next time, see if they help.”

You turn your attention back to the holo, and curl in beside him. You have one hand pressed on his chest feeling the steady rise and fall, and his arm is wrapped around you with his hand absently trailing gentle strokes up and down your side. You feel his cheek resting on the top of your head and the gentle tickle of his breath in your hair.

It’s quiet for now, just the sound of the holo and McCoy’s breathing, until he inhales deeply and mumbles, “Y/F/N, your hair smells incredible darlin’.” You twist to look up at him and he’s got this soft kind of disbelieving expression on his face. Biting your lip, you look into his mossy eyes before tracing down the angles of his nose, to gaze at his full, slightly chapped lips. Hazily, you wonder how they would feel on yours. He swallows and you glance up, to see him equally fascinated by your mouth. Huffing a whiskey-scented breath he leans closer…

“Oh baby, YES! Just like that!”

You jump apart, startled by the shout from next door, which is followed by the sound of someone kicking the wall and the now familiar moans and groans quickly begin to build. “Goddammit!” McCoy hisses, running his hands through his hair. You look at each other and the moment has passed.

Quelling your disappointment, you get up and grab the packet of earplugs. “Guess it’s time to try these then.” The doctor is sat there looking thunderously at the wall. “Leonard?” you ask tentatively.

He hits pause on the holo and leaps to his feet, pacing towards you and back to the couch again a couple of times. All the while the volume of shrieks intensifies. Eventually he seems to have come to some kind of decision because he turns to you and grasps you by your shoulders. “Fuck the earplugs Y/F/N, this is goddamned ridiculous.” He plants a kiss on the top of your head before storming out the door.

Stunned, it’s a second before you gather your wits to follow him, and by then he’s outside your neighbour’s door, hand slamming on the door chime. There’s no appreciable reduction in the activity from inside and so McCoy mutters something incomprehensible before hammering a fist on the door.

Suddenly there’s silence.

He hammers again, this time following it by bellowing, “this is Doctor McCoy. It sounds like you’re in considerable pain in there. I need you to open the door for me so I can confirm your status.” He looks along the corridor at you and winks. He’s actually enjoying this, and judging by the heads poking out of doors further up the corridor, he’s not the only one.

When there’s still no sign of the door being opened, he hammers one more time. “I need you to open the door for me in ten seconds, or I’ll assume you’re incapacitated and I will use my medical override to gain access. Ten, nine, eight, seven…” he doesn’t even get to six before the door swishes open and your red faced neighbour is there wrapped in a sheet.

“Uh… Is there a problem Doctor?”

“Lieutenant Y/L/N and I were trying to enjoy a quiet evening with a movie and a drink, but it sounded like someone was having their limbs ripped off by a damned Gorn next door! Frankly I was expecting to find you splattered in bits around your quarters.” McCoy’s eyebrows are at full mast and your neighbour is looking a bit queasy.

“We’ll… try to keep it down in future, sir.”

The doctor scowls murderously. “You see that you do, or I’ll slap a curfew on your sorry asses so fast it’ll make your head spin. And I won’t give you the courtesy of a warning before using my override to do it. Dismissed.” You stifle a giggle at the sight of your neighbour attempting to stand to attention in their sheet, before McCoy spins on his heels and strides back to your door.

He grabs your hand and pulls you over to the couch to sit back down beside him. He knocks back the last of his bourbon and turns the holo back on. “So where exactly were we?” he asks gruffly as he slides his arms back around you and pulls you against the solid warmth of his chest.

“I believe I was gazing adoringly at you and hoping you’d kiss me.” You tilt your head up and grin as you feel a hand slide up your back to cradle the side of your face.

“Oh yeah, you were biting those pretty lips and I just wanted to taste them” he murmurs as he leans in. Heat pools in your stomach only to burst into fire in your veins as your lips meet. It’s slow at first, then you’re moving your mouths more desperately and you’re nipping at his pouty bottom lip with your teeth. He growls and presses harder, and you open your lips to his tongue. Somewhere in the back of your mind, as he shifts you both so that he’s half lying and you’re sitting across his lap, feeling sparks where his hand has slid up under your sweater to swirl lazy circles on the skin at the small of your back, you think this might be the best damn kiss you’ve ever had.

When you eventually come up for air, you press your fingers to your tingling lips and smile. McCoy grins back at you lazily and catches your hand, kissing the tips of each finger before placing it on his chest under his. “That’s better.”

“I can’t believe you actually did that. I mean are you allowed to use your override like that?”

The doctor looks wide-eyed with mock innocence. “I only threatened to use it. Though even the mountain of paperwork if I did use it would have been worth it darlin’.”

“You know I kind of feel a bit sorry for them,” you muse, resting your head against his shoulder. “I mean they’re pretty lucky to find someone who makes them feel that good.”

“You really never had that before huh?” McCoy’s voice rumbles through his chest, and you shake your head. “Well that’s a damned shame. Someone really ought to do something about that.”

It’s comfortable and warm in your Leonard cocoon, with his arms wrapped around you and your face buried in his neck, breathing in that soothing smell. You close your eyes just for a minute as you murmur your agreement.

“If you like, my legendary hands are at your disposal,” he adds with a chuckle, expecting you to laugh in return. “Y/F/N?” He peers down at you, but all he can see is the top of your head. “Y/L/N?” He feels a sigh of breath as you exhale, and the sound of a gentle snore. “Maybe next time,” he says smiling at the sound.

He shuffles carefully, trying to move you both into a more comfortable position without disturbing you until eventually he’s lying on the tiny couch with you on top of him. Then, with a rush of tenderness, he wraps his arms around you more securely and closes his eyes.

Taglist (100 follower requesters plus others): @starmission @musikat18 @taylorjacksonandtheolympians @space-helen @dirajunara @kawaiiusagichansan @spookyscaryscully @wickedsingularity @burtmacklin34 @the-Mormon-girl-in-the-books @kingarthurscat

#leonard mccoy x reader #bones x reader #leonard mccoy #star trek fanfiction #star trek reader insert #annathewitch 100 follower celebration

[destiny0809]

The dare and the truth

So this is a Minhoxreader with a little bit of Thomas warning slightly sexual ig idk honestly it 2am and I can’t sleep love you all hope you enjoy this

Minho pov

The bonfire was getting rather boring so I called a game of truth or dare everyone gather round I. Sat right next to Y/N my best friend who I was secretly in love with I looked at her she was glowing with the light of the fire on her she pass me gally special drink and smile every took turn to go newt had to kiss Thomas on the cheek.wiston had to run around pant less and so on everything was fine until it was her turn.

“Y/N truth or dare?”,asked gally

“Dare “she smiled and look him into his eyes she knew gally gave out the worse dares but she did enjoy a challenge

“Ok I dare you to go and give Thomas a kiss that last 30 seconds”gally chuckle my heart stoped

Y/N POV

I got up and went over to Thomas I secretly liked him the second he came up but I got over it and started to fall for Minho

“Thomas can I “I asked goping he would let me .

“Yes It is-“

But I guess we’ll never know what he was going to say because the words all I needed and he cut off by my lips smashing his he deepen the kiss and starting running his hands throug my hair all the glader cat whistle and shouted get some until Minho cough

“Ok shanks next dare”he sounded kinda angry but he was probably tired right before I started to walk back to him Thomas grab my wrist

“Will finished this later”he whisper and then let go of me and I smile at him and back over to my seat next to Minho

Minho pov

It was a dare it probably didn’t mean anything but then again both of them had that stupid goofy grind on

There shank faces and it didn’t set right with me she look at me frowning a couple times she could tells something up she interlock her fingers mine it was her way of showing she cares it made me relax a bit I had enough of waiting around I thought I’m gonna tell her tonight after the fire how I feel.

(Times skip bc I makes the rules)

After everyone went to sleep I went my room to get ready to go finally I found enough courage to make it to her door I was getting ready to knock until I heard these awful words

“Yes Thomas “I heard her moan my heart shatter I felt angry so I storm and there but they were sitting there laughing and joking which is way better then I imagine.

Y/N

Me and Thomas made it back to my bedroom he said he liked me but u told him there was someone I like more and then we started talking he told me that I should ask this glader out so I wrote a note asking Minho out showing Thomas he nod and told me to give it to him Tomorrow we started to joke and laugh again until the door slam open it was Minho he looked like he was gonna have a heart attack

Minho POV

“What going on in here” I asked

“Oh me Thomas was just talking sorry if we woke you”

“Well I just go then bye “I’ll be okay she happy I thought to myself and I turn to leave

“ Minho wait I was going to wait until morning but since your here right now umm”my heart was racing was she gonna tell me what really going on between them she look over at Thomas and node and turn to leave leaving us alone.

“ well it just see um I kinda love you and I wanted to tell you but ther-“

I slim her into the wall French kissing her all this time I was scare of her rejecting me when felt the same I wanted her tonight I slid my hands up her shirt and flipp her onto the bed

#minho imagines #thomas tmr #reader #newt imagines #gally #gladers #truth or dare #jelousy #smut #minho #alby tmr #bonefire #drinking

[spookyai]

Ghastly Positioning System

My wife died a year ago. Or at least that’s what I assumed happened, they never found a body. She just never came home one day. So you can imagine my surprise when out of nowhere her voice comes on “Turn left at 13th Street”. I about jumped out of my car. But it wasn’t her. It was the GPS.

It’s been a whole year or more... The thing hadn’t been messed with so why was it suddenly on? I didn’t even know how to turn it off to be quite honest. It just kept telling me to turn left at 13th street. It took about all I had to keep from crying. As silly as it may seem, the sound of her voice, after so long was comforting. 

So I should probably explain... My wife worked at a start-up that did work related to driver-less artificial intelligence or something. I’m not much of a tech or math guy so I never could make heads or tails of what she really did. I just knew her title was data scientist and she would come home excitedly telling me all about the difficulties of her day to day work despite my lack of understanding. I do remember spouting something about installing a prototype GPS to try out. I’m not even sure how the whole GPS thing relates to her driverless AI, that was out of my realm. And I had completely forgotten it was even there since it was so small and innocuous. 

She had told me she voiced it, just the prototype though. The real product would have the person who did Siri or something, but she had done the voice for this since it was a small test run. Her voice... it was heartbreaking but also so beautiful. It had been so long since I had heard it.

I figured the thing finally turned out by some strange fluke or maybe it needed enough driving to finally kick on. Who knows? I sure didn’t. I just kinda drove aimlessly after that, hoping to hear more directions. I didn’t bother listening to the actual words, just the sound of her voice. It was strange. It was about to be her birthday tomorrow. To think, only 16 months ago, she was alive.... In fact, we would’ve likely been packing to move to the Bay. Maybe it was a sign. But I wasn’t superstitious and I didn’t want to get my hopes up that she was somehow still alive out there.

Eventually I headed home, turned off the car... This false To our lonely small little apartment. We tried so hard to make it home. She had only lived in it for maybe 3 months. It felt cold inside. I figured I’d leave this town soon, but it felt wrong leaving behind this home we made. Where would she go if she was alive and needed to find me? Where would I go now? I had already left so many things behind, it didn’t seem right to go back either. These were the thoughts swirling around, plaguing my sleepless nights. 

Tonight though, was especially bad. I needed to hear her voice again. So I got in the car and just drove, hoping. After an hour of driving, it suddenly started telling me directions, when I had been just about to give up and conclude it was a piece of junk. Out of some morbid curiosity or maybe just sheer hope that she was live, I decided to follow the directions. It probably led to her workplace. I wasn’t really sure, I’m not great with directions. 

To my surprise though, it didn’t lead me to her work. It led me out of the Bay along State Route 4. I drove and drove and drove. I don’t know how long but it didn’t matter. I had nowhere to be, no one waiting for me at home. The entire time I kept replaying the night she disappeared.

She had been working late that week. Like coming home at 11 pm. Sometimes much later, long after I was asleep. Her job was demanding, which made sense, it was a start-up with maybe a handful of people. She was working long hours. I didn’t really think anything of it, she was so happy whenever she told me about the important work she was doing. She seemed to like her coworkers, and she loved the intellectual challenge of it all. 

That night, she didn’t come home. I didn’t even realize anything was wrong till about 2am when I woke up realizing the bed was cold and she had never come home. I tried calling her. No answer. I didn’t panic yet. Maybe she had fallen asleep at her desk from exhaustion. She did occasionally do that, I figured I’d just wait it out to the morning, and if she didn’t answer back in text, I’d call her coworker or something. I was worried but I didn’t want to make a fuss out of nothing. 

When 7am rolled around, I texted her work friend Angela, who I knew went to work early. Angela said my wife’s car was still in the lot, but she was nowhere to be seen, her stuff was still there even. That’s when I started getting a really bad feeling. I called the police. They searched the place up and down but nothing was found. She had disappeared into thin air. I waited for her to come home, I desperately hoped she would return. 

She did not.

I still beat myself up everyday for not going to her work at 2am. Maybe whatever got her could’ve been prevented. But I guess it’s too late now. All I have is this poorly functioning GPS...

The GPS was now leading me into Nevada. Into a forest. Into something that seemed a lot like Tahoe. I passed by a sign for the Humboldt Toiyabe National Forest. I had never even heard of this place. But I kept driving on. 

Eventually, it said “You have arrived”. I parked along the side of the highway... I was in the middle of nowhere. Where did it think we were? I looked around and it was all trees. I’m so stupid. Why did I think this stupid non functional GPS would lead me to her? I mean, it probably just spit out random directions at me. Or was coded wrong or something. 

I sat in my car. And screamed. And cried. There was nothing left of her. This GPS was not a sign. It was just the hopes of a sad widowed man hoping for answers. After some time, I started the car and was about to head back home when I heard it. 

“Please, find me. He buried me here”

I paused. Was I going insane? This was it, lack of sleep and grief had finally got me and I was hearing my wife talk to me from beyond the grave. But still, I had to try. To find her.

I got out of the car and looked around. If she was buried around here, it’d be near impossible to find. But I just hoped my gut would know. Or maybe a miracle. I walked around, hoping for a clue. 

BINGO.

I found a gold bobby pin shining in the rays of the rising sun. I had been up for so long, the sun was actually rising. And I know, there’s plenty of people with gold bobby pins but it felt like a sign. I was sure it was. I looked around for more glints of gold bobby pins. It made a small trail to a clearing. An eerily picturesque clearing. I knew when I saw it, this was it. 

So I started digging. Like a madman. I dug. And I dug. And I dug. With my bare hands. And eventually, I found her. She was gone. In my arms, she was just a pile of bones... Somehow, I felt a feeling of satisfaction, knowing she was at peace and that whoever did this to her would be caught. I also knew she was somewhere beyond the grave watching over me. 

And that was enough.

---------------------------------------------------------------

After a few months of investigation, the police caught the killer. It had been her manager. He confessed to everything. He had planned the entire thing. He knew she was about to stumble upon a significant breakthrough that would likely lead them to a viable product that would be bought by another larger company. It was really the dream for the start-up. He thought it unfair that she get to reap the full benefits that all the other employees got from the sell-out. And there seemed to be a component of jealousy. He resented that only after a few months of working, she was able to do so much more than their entire team. So he killed her while she was working late one night. He tampered with the security cameras, and since it was a small office, there wasn’t anyone around when he committed the crime. He strangled her. Then buried her. Far far away. As for the breakthrough she had, it didn’t go as planned. Another company came up with a similar enough idea and launched just before them. The start-up failed anyway. And he had killed her for nothing. 

As for why the GPS worked suddenly, well apparently it was never supposed to. But maybe, it being near her birthday, she somehow got a message to me from the grave. I don’t honestly know or understand. I figured a trip to the insane asylum was not something I wanted so I tried to keep my methods of finding her body discreet. 

And so she was at peace. And I could move on, knowing she was there watching over me...

RIP.

#spooky spookyai ai machinelearning

[btextswriting]

BAD SCHEDULES {one shot; Yoongi}

You and Yoongi had been in a rough patch for quite a while. Dating an idol was hard. He was constantly at the studio, or on tour, practicing choreography, and up at the most random hours. You, on the opposite end of the scale, lived your life within a pretty normal schedule. Up at 6am, got ready, ran to the train, was at work by 9am, stayed til 6pm, then wandered your way home to an empty apartment. You would inevitably make a two-person meal, in hopes that tonight Yoongi would walk in at a somewhat decent time to eat dinner with you and share a glass of wine, but like every night, you would end up wrapping up half the meal and sticking it in the fridge for whenever he got home.

You always wrote a single note on the food.

Yoongi, hope you had a good day. Enjoy the meal. Love. – Y/N

You stuck the food in the fridge and would end up in bed, curled up to his pillow that vaguely smelled like him. He would come in at a weird hour, where he would give your forehead a light kiss and go to sleep. It was a routine that you hated, but you were comfortable with. You realized early on in the relationship, that he wasn’t going to be at a lot of events. He wouldn’t be able to make it to family parties or spontaneous trips to the beach. He was a busy person with a lot of people waiting for him to do more with his fame. But you loved him. Even if you didn’t see him a lot, even if he didn’t make it to every event, you still loved him.

The way his hair would stick straight up in the mornings, or the smile that would grace his lips when you danced around the kitchen, the way he was truly invested in you and your passions. He would research about your work so he knew what you were talking about, he would ask a ton of questions, he wanted to be a part of your life. It was hard not to love someone like that. But the schedule, that was the hardest part.

Finally, it had gotten to a boiling point. You sat awake in the bed that the two of you shared, your arms crossed as you waited. 1am … 2am … 3am. It wasn’t until 3:45am that he walked in the door, you heard him shrug his duffle bag off his shoulder and you hopped out of bed. Your arms still crossed you stood in the doorway.

This isn’t a relationship. You said to him as he stood, illuminated only by the fridge light. He turned his head to look at you. Bags under your eyes, as well as his. There was a mirror of exhaustion between the two of you. He pulled the dish out of the fridge and closed the door, now flicking the light switch. The apartment was filled with light, but there was a dark look on your face.

What are you talking about, Y/N? He asked as he was about to heat the food up in the microwave.

This. You pointed between the two of you. The fact that this is the most we have spoken in a week! We have texted, but we haven’t talked face to face in a WEEK! You exclaimed, your emotions taking over. Your cheeks flushed, your eyes already brimming with tears. I hate that I am being selfish about this, but if I’m in a relationship, I want to FEEL like I’m in a relationship. You emphasized the words. I want to SEE you, HEAR from you. I don’t want to talk through notes on your food. I’m sick of sitting at the dining room table, debating myself that this is going to be the night you come home early. The tears were now flooding out of your eyes, as Yoongi stood there, his shoulders slumped.

He knew this day would come. He was actually surprised it took this long. You were perfect, you would drop everything to be with him. He would tell you to come to the studio, he would cancel dates, he would always be busy, but you stuck around. Now you had finally fallen apart. His heart hurt to see you like this, his mind was scolding him. Walking over to you, he wrapped you up in his arms. He felt your body shake with sobs as you mumbled into his chest.

I miss you. You said in a depressed and deflated tone. This hurt him the most. The point of him moving in with you was so that this wouldn’t happen and now he stood there, you crying into his chest, as he rubbed circles into your back. He missed you too, but he didn’t know how to say it because it was his fault that he missed you. He wanted to spend his days with you, but instead, locked himself into the studio.

I want you to come to the studio. Yoongi murmured into your hair, and before you could protest, he continued. There’s something I want you to see.

So the next day after work, you sighed, looking at your phone, you blinked tiredly. It was hard to sleep the rest of the night. The two of you tried to talk it out, but the conversation kept going in circles. With one final plea, Yoongi had convinced you to come to the studio. So instead of turning to go home, you walked out and made your way to the place that seemed to imprison your boyfriend. Walking in you smiled at the familiar face of the bodyguard that stood behind the security desk.

Here to see Mr. Min? He asked and you gave a small nod. The security guard looked at you as he handed over the pass. Are you okay? He asked and you shrugged.

We’ll see after this. You murmured and the guard gave you a small, understanding smile.

Can I tell you something? He asked and you looked at him with a small bit of intrigue. Nodding at the older man, he smiled. You know, I’ve known Yoongi for a long time. He would come in here and stay all hours of the night. He would only go back to the dorm when the guys begged him to and even then, it was a challenge. Ever since you came around, he runs home. It may be at all hours of the night, but he wants to be there. Now the guys beg for him to stick around and look over things. The guard shook his head with a laugh. Those boys can never just let Yoongi be. I know that look on your face, because I’ve seen girlfriends come and go, but just know that Yoongi has never acted this way before. You are the first girl to walk in and truly make him want to be a normal guy. He said and held up a handkerchief. You took it and noticed that tears were spilling out of your eyes. You dabbed your eyes lightly and folded it back up.

Thank you for telling me that. You murmured and he nodded. Giving you a small wave, you walked away and made your way to the studio. Yoongi’s name was scribbled on the door underneath a printing of his name. Each of the guys had their own room in the new BigHit building to call their own. Knocking lightly, Yoongi opened the door almost immediately.

Hey, how are you? He asked, leaning over to kiss you lightly on the lips. You gave him a small smile.

Tired. You mumbled as Yoongi nodded knowingly, and stood off to the side to let you walk into the room. It was almost immediately that you knew why he wanted you there.

Every note. Every photo. Everything. He had them all hung around the studio. Some of the notes were simply thumbtacked to the wall, while others were framed. A photo of the two of you on your first day in your apartment together, sat on his desk, framed and facing him.

I wanted you to come here so that you know that I’m always thinking about you. Yoongi murmured. I know it’s hard to be with me. I know I’m not the best boyfriend. But I surround myself with every piece of you so that when I miss you, I can look at those little memories. He sighed. I know it’s not enough, I know I need to leave more, but --- You held up your hand.

Thank you. You murmured. Turning around, the tears were welled up in your eyes once more. You work so hard. I’m being selfish. You mumbled, but Yoongi walked up to you, putting a hand on each of your hips and staring deeply into your eyes.

No you’re not. I needed to hear that. I needed to know that you wanted me around. I will work to make sure I can come home for dinner more and we can try to go on more dates. He murmured. I want to do anything I can to keep you in my life. He continued and you smiled for the first time in a long time. Looking around the room your chuckled.

This is amazing. I can’t believe you kept all of them. From the notes on his food, to the little letters you would write him when you first started dating, to the selfies he begrudgingly took with you. All of it was there, and Yoongi sighed.

I’ve never loved someone like I love you. So please, give me a little more time to learn how to be a good boyfriend. He pleaded and you nodded.

This is what I get for loving a workaholic. You replied with a chuckle. Yoongi grinned and planted a kiss on your lips before wrapping you up in his arms. So what are you working on now? You asked and Yoongi smiled widely, going into an in-depth conversation about the various compositions he had been slaving over.

As he spoke, you glanced around the room once more. Although it was hard dating an idol, he made you feel like the only person in the world that mattered. Looking back as he spoke animatedly about the chord progressions, you smiled. You loved him, bad schedules and all.

#yoongi #min yoongi #yoongi edit #yoongi fluff #yoongi fanfic #min yoongi fluff #min yoongi x reader #min yoongi fanfiction #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #min yoongi x you #suga #min suga #suga fanfic #suga one shot #suga drabble #yoongi oneshot #min yoongi one shot #yoongi drabble

[buckygirl-fanfiction]

Sparks Chapter 28

Pairing: Bucky POV X Reader POV ft. Other characters from the Avengers team.

Word Count: 3.8K

Summary: The perpetrators behind the attacks are finally reveals. Bucky begins to pull away after y/n’s rejection.

August 19, 2016

 10am

 Bucky’s  POV

 I saw her with him, the scientist, they were seated across from each other at a table in front of the cafe. She was looking through some papers and he was smiling down at her while she read. Is that who she chose? I can’t help but feel the sting of heartbreak. I averted my gaze and kept walking.

 6pm

 I’m on the elevator up to the lab. It’s Friday night and she wants to hang out. I agreed, even though it pains me to see her after everything that’s happened. But, she needs a friend and i’ll suffer through a little heartbreak for her. I’d suffer through anything for her. It’s painful though, when she rests her head on my shoulder, when she slips her fingers through mine, when she smiles at me. I can almost feel my heart pulse in agony.

 But, the wound is fresh… and time will heal it. One day i’ll be able to look at her again and it won’t hurt.

 I step off the elevator and walk through the mostly deserted lab. Most of the lights are off. Only the dim hallway lights illuminate my path. I see her office at the end of the corridor and through the glass doors I see him again. He pushes past the doors with a smile on his face and walks in my direction. He looks up from his phone and sees me and stops when we are close enough, “Bucky right?” he says.

 “Only my friends call me Bucky,” I say. It comes out a little meaner than i’d intended it to.

 “My mistake. y/n talks a lot about you,” he says, “Bucky this, Bucky that…” he trails off. I almost detect jealousy in his tone. I’m silent and he continues, “Well nice seeing you man,” he says and with that he leaves me standing in the corridor alone to ponder over his words.

 y/n spots me through her glass doors and waves. I see her grab her bag and she walks towards me.

 “Hey,” she says smiling. “Umm, you saw Dean. What did he say?”

 “Nothing of importance,” I say.

 “We’re not…” she trails off, “I mean, I wouldn’t do that to you.” She says with pity in her eyes.

 “You don’t owe me an explanation,” I say.

 “He just dropped off some files. He asked me to consult on a project.” She continues ignoring my last sentence.

 “Like I said. I don’t care,” It comes out harsher than i’d intended and she looks a little hurt. “I don’t mean it like that… I just mean who you date is your business.” I say trying to fix it. But, this is exactly what I was afraid of: breaking our friendship to a point where it couldn’t be mended.

 “What do you want to do?” She says trying to put a smile back on her face.

 “I don’t know,” I say, “you decide.”

 She takes my arm and I feel it again. That distinctive pang of a broken heart. She notices my stiffness and looks at me questioningly for a second, “y/n…” I say but i’m cut off by my phone ringing. I quickly slip my arm out of hers and dig in my pocket for my phone.

 “Saved by the bell,” she says looking down.

 “It’s… not like that,” I say. But it is and she knows it. Things have changed. I pick up my phone and say, “yes?”

 y/n’s POV

 I don’t know how to fix us. I wish things would go back to the way they were before. It’s been an awkward week of silences and avoidances. He’s like a million miles away and I can’t seem to bring him back and it stings. He broke us. I broke us.

 He’s talking on the phone and I lean against the wall of the corridor waiting. Hoping it’s not another excuse he can use to ditch me. When he’s done he hangs up and looks at me and sighs.

 “Come on, you might as well come with me. They’re going to need you,” he says running his hand through his hair.

 “What happened?”

 “A jet just blew up,” Bucky says.

 “A jet?” That doesn’t sound like Hydra. Have they moved into domestic terrorism now?

 The rest of the night went by in a blur of horrific images. All of which I had to actively shift through trying to find bomb remnants for the reconstruction. I finally went to sleep around 4am. I snuck into Bucky’s apartment. His bedroom door was left ajar and I peaked through the slit and saw him asleep in a pair of sweatpants. His chest was bare and his hair was wet. He must’ve just gotten out of the shower. Ordinarily I would have silently slipped under the covers next to him and fallen asleep on the bed. But, for some reason that didn’t seem fair to him. Instead I pulled the door closed and settled for the sofa. I couldn’t sleep. So many things were running through my mind. But, staying awake in this state wouldn’t be of much help. Nothing made sense anymore. I’ve been deconstructing and reconstructing bomb after bomb and i’ve been getting nowhere. But, for some reason tonight was different. I felt a faint pull, like my subconscious mind knew something my waking mind didn’t know just yet. Like a important piece of puzzle you remember seeing once but no matter how hard you look can’t seem to find. Then there was Bucky, my best friend Bucky… I felt him pulling away. Slowly and it was painful. No one wants their best friend to pull away. It’s liking losing a part of yourself, a companion, a comrade, a …

 I fell asleep to this, to these haunting thoughts and had equally haunting dreams.

 September 6, 2016

 This time it was me who was stitching him up. There was a large gash on his chest and I didn’t want to know how he got it. He’s been requesting more assignments and being more reckless. We sat in silence as I carefully pierced the suture through his flesh closing the wound. He didn’t even seem to flinch. Instead he just looked down and I wasn’t brave enough to say anything.

 September 17, 2016

 He’s gone again. Somewhere he didn’t bother to tell me. I’m sitting here in the lab wondering whether i’ve made a mistake. What if he doesn’t come back this time? He asked for too much and I couldn’t give it to him. I couldn’t bring myself to give him the power to hurt me, but somehow he already possessed it.

 I try to focus my mind and look through the reconstructions again but I can’t. I decide to call it a night and walk towards my office. The lab door clicks behind me. I look at my watch it’s around 1am. Mostly everyone else has gone home. When I get to my office I look down at my desk, which is covered in papers. I’m not usually this unorganized. But, I guess everything in my life is falling apart slowing reflecting how my feelings are also falling apart.

 I try my best to organize them, the folders. I’m piling the files into groups when I come across it, the final piece that’s been scratching at the back of my head for weeks now. It’s the file Dean gave me. The project he asked me to consult on. He’s a weapons expert and he’s working on nano explosives. Very similar to the ones i’ve been reconstructing for the last couple weeks. Why would he give me this? It seems like a blatantly obvious way to get yourself caught. I hadn’t opened the file since the morning he gave it to me. I only flipped through it, then I was distracted by the plane. It makes no sense. They were almost identical in design. Expect the plans Dean gave me were unfinished. Flawed. He couldn't seem to work out the kinks, that’s why he asked me to consult. I pick up my phone ready to call the first person that comes to mind: Bucky. But, he’s not here.

 An hour later i’m in a conference room with Agent Carter and Tony shifting through Dean’s entire project portfolio.

 “It doesn’t make sense. Why would he work for Hydra?” I ask, “Then why would he ask me to consult?”

 “What if this was never Hydra?” asks the blond woman, Sharon.

 “What?”

 “Dr. Dean Campbell weapons researcher affiliated with Stark Industries. He is working on a project currently with engineer Linda Highworth.” She says.

 “Yes, we know this Carter… What’s new?” Tony asks impatiently annoyed at being dragged back here at 2am.

 “Highworth industries just made over a 300 million dollars today in a stock market crash. The airline, the one whose plane crashed today, their stocks just plummeted. Highworth took a very risky gamble against the airline 2 days ago. October 2015, the bomb in Time square Highworth lost round about half a billion gambling on the wrong side of the market. If the bomb had gone off he would have stood to make considerably more. Specifically in government defense contracts.”

 “Linda works on government defense contracts. If she engineered domestic terrorist attacks her cooperation would have stood to make millions in panicked political funding directed towards domestic defence.” I say staring wide eyed at Carter. I knew something was off. Dirty bombs and domestic terrorism. This never screamed Hydra.

 “Your theory sounds pretty appealing until you remember Dr. Highworth is on the scientific research board here at Stark and on a handful other boards with a clearance level higher than the president.” Tony says. “His daughter may seem sketchy but his corporation is clear and free. Not only is he under security scrutiny from us, but i’m sure the NSA vets him thoroughly enough. It’s not them.” Tony says resolutely.

 “Then explain the sketchy stock market gambles,” I say challenging him.

 “Carter could probably find twenty other corporations gambling on the stock market on those same dates. It’s nothing new.” He says.

 “Exactly if he is stock manipulating using domestic terrorism then he has a entire organization behind him to make him look clear. Probably an entire organization of people just as powerful as him.” Carter says standing firm in her theory. “It’s the only explanation. Both of them would have enough clearance. It explains the security breaches. They were the moles. Linda had access to Dr. Campbell’s notes. She wouldn’t have know he consulted y/n.”

 “Explain Axelrod then, why would he be using Hydra tech to brainwash the cyborg then? None of that connects back to Highworth.” Tony says.

 “He isn’t a cyborg,” I retort angrily, “If you’re too blind to see what’s right in front of you, you might as well doom us all.”

 “I’ll put them under surveillance,” Tony says rubbing his eyes. “That’s the best I can do.”

 “Screw this,” I say. I grab my bag and head out of the room angrily. If he needed proof i’d give him proof.

 Twenty minutes later I was at her apartment. It was late, almost 3am. She lived in a doorman building. Of course she would, after all the people she’s murdered in the name of profit, were paying for it. I had to be careful. I called Sam, he was the only other person I could convince to believe me. Steve would have gone to Tony, to do this through the right channels. I need to get her to confess or I needed to lull her into a sense of security. Just long enough to find the information I needed. Sam was parked outside in a car listening to my every word through an earpiece. He was just backup. Not the backup I wanted, but the only backup I had.

The doorman eyed me curiously and let me up. The platinum blond answered the door in a pair of silk pajamas. Her sharp features stuck out through her skin. Her pointed nose and high cheekbones looked almost to be painfully sticking out of her flesh. She looked confused. She was a good actress, I have to give that to her.

 “Dr. y/l/n what are you doing here?” She says squinting her eyes. I must of disturbed her sound sleep after the hundreds she’s killed. I wonder how she can face it.

 Well, I was a good actress too, “I had to come see you.” I say in my best panicked voice.

 “Of course, come in,” she says leading me through the marble corridor towards the living room.

 She sat in silence across from me. Her apartment looked clean and spotless unlike her conscience. I dug shakily into my purse playing my role perfectly. I pulled out the file, the one Dean gave me. “You know i’m consulting on your project with Dean. The nano explosives. He gave me the file weeks ago.”

 He face betrays her for a second, “Of course I know,” she says trying to bring her steel expression back, “what about it?”

 “I don’t know if you know. But i’m also working on the reconstruction of flight 284,” I say, “the one from a couple weeks ago.”

“Yes, I heard it was terrible.” She pauses then continues, “I don’t quite see the correlation.”

 “How much do you know about the explosives used on flight 284?” I ask.

 “Not much,” she says and I almost believe her, “y/n I don’t understand why are you here?”

 “I found some similarities between your work with Dean and the explosives used on the flight,” I say.

 “OH god.” She says playing her best shocked card. “I don’t understand do you suspect someone on our team?”

 “I suspect your father,” I say playing my final card. “I looked into some of his companies financial activity and it seems correlated to a handful of other planned attacks, like flight 284. How much does he know of your work?”

 “Have you told anyone else of your suspicions?” She says alarmed and for the first time the emotion she exhibits is genuine.

 “No, I came stright away from the lab,” I say, “I had to be sure. I knew you couldn't be involved since you knew about Dean consulting me about your current project. It wouldn’t make sense for you to consult me and use the same explosives in the attack. But, your father… Did he know? Did he know you were consulting me?” I ask innocently.

 “I… I don’t think so… I… I can check. I have access to his database.” She says getting up. “Wait here i’m going to get my laptop.”

 She speedily walked out of the room. I had her right where I wanted her. Two things would happen now. If she was innocent she would return with a laptop and we’d search together for clues. If she was smart, that’s what she would do. But, she wasn’t smart. She was rattled and she would either believe I was innocently coming to her for help or that I knew the entirety of the plan and she would call my bluff. Either way she would try to kill me. Either way I had someone watching after me patiently in the sky.

 I was right. I heard the click of the gun behind me and I heard her footsteps. I slowly turned and tried to push down the smirk that was risking on my face. “Hands up,” she said. “Get on your knees.”

 “Oh… God Linda what are you doing?” I said in my best shaken up voice.

 “Who! Who else knows you’re here?” She yells as I slowly sink to my knees. I look out the window of the tall apartment building we’re in and I see a glimmer far off in the distance.

 “No… noone.” I say maintaining my character. “I don’t. I don’t understand,” I say in a shaky voice. “You knew, why would you ask Dean to consult me if you knew I was working on the reconstructions?”

 “Fucking Campbell, he’s going to have to die now too. I didn’t know that fool consulted you,” she says hissing at me holding up the silver gun and pointing it down at me.

 “It was a dangerous risk. Using explosives from your project. Someone could have caught on. You should have been more careful.” I say as a smile spreads over my face. I break my character and slowly stand up. She raises the gun as I do.

 “Get back down,” she hisses.

 “You know what I still don’t understand,” I say sitting down on the sofa and crossing my legs, “How Hydra is involved in this? Your father and you are just using terrorist attacks as a ploy to play the stock market, how many other countries are involved in this? How many other leaders? You must have a pretty solid organization. But, how is Hydra involved? Why was Axelrod involved?”

 “You think you’re smart then figure it out yourself. But be fast you don’t have a lot of time left,” she says smiling at me, “I killed your friend… and now i’m going to kill you.”

 “You really think I came here alone?” I say smiling, “I have a little birdy on my shoulder.” Right on cue I duck my head down facing away from the window. I hear glass break and a shot go off. When I turn back around I see Sam with his great big metal wings. They retract back into his harness and Linda is on the ground in a pair of cuffs, struggling against the floor. I stand up shaking off the stray shards of glass from my hair.

 September 21, 2016

 “She still won’t talk?” I ask Tony whose ego has taken a severe hit. Dr. Highworth Senior is nowhere to be found. As for his daughter she’s being detained. If there is any Hydra connection Fury wants to know about it. But, she doesn’t seem to be in as a talkative mood as she was the night I went to visit her. Bucky is back, but he’s been avoiding me. Not intentionally I don’t think. But, I feel a difference. He’s been avoiding me a lot lately in the name of his job.

 “She wants to talk to you,” Fury says from the head of the table. I haven’t seen him much. I’ve always reported to Tony before. But ever since Highworth was exposed I’ve been reporting to him.

 “She’s not going in there alone,” Bucky says walking in through the door. I turn to find him standing in the doorway. I wonder how long he’s been here.

 “I don’t care who she goes with, I just want answers…”

 Silence, that’s all i’m met with. From Bucky on the walk over to the interrogation room and from Linda when i’m inside. “You’re the one that wanted to talk.” I say narrowing my eyes at her.

 “I didn’t know you’d be bringing the soldier…” she says trailing off looking curiously at Bucky. “Your very own person lap dog I see…”

 “What do you want?” I snap.

 “We tried to turn him,” she says twisting her wrists in the cuffs that hold her. She looks different in a orange jumpsuit. Worn out and angry. “Axelrod tried to turn him. He’s the weakest link you know and it would have been very beneficial to us to have him on our side.”

 I feel a pang of pity run through me at her words. Bucky isn’t the weakest link.

 “I want a deal,” she says. “I’m sick of rotting away in here and I don’t plan on a long stay.”

 “What do you want?” I ask. Does she really think she can negotiate her way out of this?

 “I want an Island. Preferably somewhere with a stellar resort. Security and access to my accounts.”

 “You really think I’m in a position to make that happen?” I say looking back through the one way glass at Fury who's probably somewhere on the other side.

 “I’ll tell you everything I know and i’ll get your little lap dog into Spectre,” she says smiling at her reflection in the one way glass. Looking past it to the man in charge, just like I did a second ago.

 A minute later Fury is inside the room, “No games.”

 “I wouldn’t dream of it,” she says teasingly.

 “Whats Spectre?” I ask.

 “Oh the new Hydra of sorts… My grandfather was a member, you see, of Hydra. My father would have been inducted into the order as well but they died out. They’re obsolete now. Spectre is a new creation, a new organization, a smarter one, a profit oriented organization. Unlike Hydra, not a power orientated one. My father’s very own pet project. We at times have utilized Hydra’s technology, like the soldier. Axelrod thought he could turn him and then we would have someone on the inside of the all mighty Avengers. Clearly you foiled that. You foil a lot of things Dr. y/l/n. Maybe you’re the one we should have been trying to recruit.” She says. After a pause she continues, “I’m just as smart though, maybe even smarter. I want my freedom. Then, i’ll get your little lap dog into Spectre. We can call it an escape and I can say I turned him. Either way it’s a mutually beneficial plan. You’ll have a mole inside Spectre and I won’t have to sport this lovely shade of orange anymore,” she says pulling at her sleeve.

 “Clever, your plan only works if I let you go,” Fury says.

 “Your idiotic if you think we’re going to let you go,” I say interrupting Fury. “What stops you from exposing him once he is on the inside?” I ask.

 “Well, i’m not asking for much… Instead of rotting in here for the rest of my life. I’d rather be confined to a Island somewhere in the Caribbean. I have contacts inside Spectre who will believe the story: That I turned the famous Winter Soldier and once he’s on the inside i’ll lay low. As a sign of good faith i’ll even cut off all communication. Say you killed me, tracked me down, took me out, I don’t care. He’ll be in,” she says nodding her head towards Bucky, “Then you can do whatever you want with Spectre. Tear it all down for all I care. But, as a sign of good faith I want a guarantee you will leave me out of it. In my pretty little Island. I’m sure a smart man like you can figure out a plan that ends in both our mutual satisfactions,” she says aimed at Fury. “You know it’s not hard to sell, he was always the weakest link,” she says turning to Bucky.

#bucky smut #bucky x reader #bucky x reader smut #bucky series #bucky fic

[sally-annesstories]

Day 64 - San Pedro, Guatemala

Final day in San Pedro!

It's my final full day in San Pedro

1. Woke up with total realization that the reality of my life the past few weeks with all the routine is about to end. While I've really enjoyed myself the routine of school and amount of work it requires means that it can be tricky to just do what you want. Whenever you do something in the afternoon or evening you have homework looming over you so I'm excited not to be in that position. At the same time it's been so lovely having my bag unpacked and living with the family so I'll be sad to leave this. My second to last class went by so quickly before I blinked it was 1pm.

2. The one town on the lake I hadn't been to but I'd been thinking about going to was Santiago. It was a sunny day and coaxing each other, Talia and I decided to go without really knowing much. First it was a good 20 minute ride on la luncha given it's the otherside of the lake. The ride was nice but choppy. On arrival you could immediately tell you were not in a place with many tourists and we stood out like a sore thumb.

3. We went in knowing the things to do were walk round the markets, visit the church and also maximon. I knew nothing maximon while Talia knew it was to do with Mayan culture (Santiago being a Mayan town) as her teacher had talked about it as part of her class where he talked about the history of Guatemala (her classes are ever so slightly more advanced than mine). So we look up where it is and walk up and down a road a few times a bit dumbstruck by what were looking for (presumably a statue which there are none). The internet is telling me its someone's house which we were at. There was a shop nextdoor so we go in and ask and they confirm it's at the house. We wander in and to be honest, I'm immediately wondering if we should be there. Everyone is local and they're praying to this statue type man. There is a coffin with a mannequin inside it and the colors are bright. We are invited to sit on the right of the room to the left of us is a man playing a guitar and whaling. At the mannequin two young guys sit either side holding him and there are two on their knees in front of maximon praying. A man is talking to Talia the entire time. We ultimately paid our quetzales to maximon and likely only stayed 5 minutes (I didnt time it). A high level background, which we wish we had know before going is found here https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maxim%C3%B3n but worth reading more as it is interesting. Once out we hopped on a lancha back to San Pedro.

4. Back at the house I needed to start packing given I've had everything out of my bag for the past fortnight. Subsequently, this was a challenge and before dinner I got about halfway there. Dinner with the family was lovely. It's been such a pleasure staying ! They must get used to all the these goodbyes (in a similar way to how at hostels you have temporary friends for a day!). Dinner was a chatty affair and at 10.30pm ijad to excuse myself to continue packing.

5. My night was so late this one! Between packing attempting to get my final bit of homework done I wasnt in bed till 12am. Although it was a good sleep! Sleep here has been rough as my windows go out on the road. The tuk tuks are so noisy and a neighbour has dogs which are outside. Between a tuk tuk going past or the dogs deciding to play fight at 2am I've been up throughout the night. For whatever reason though tonight was a quiet tuk tuk night and the dogs were inside. Bliss!

1. School

2. Santiago

3. Dinner with family

4. Packing