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bakugohoex · 3 years

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chapter two ➺ everlasting hatred

paring: pro hero katsuki bakugo x pro hero female reader

cw: language

word count: 2500+

a/n: you guys might be a bit confused on why i haven't explained what the mission actually is, but everything will be reveled in the next chapter especially what happened in the building where the two of you were making a plan up, i promise everything will be explained in the next chapter, hope you guys liked this chapter though

summary: in which the rivalry continues, both finally in the loop of what is occurring, an agreement is formed on the perfect plan as you both grow closer along the week, maybe the two of you could be friends of some sorts?

chapter one | masterlist | chapter three

↞ back to my hero academia masterlist

“What do you two know about the Paranormal Liberation Front?”

It was unexpected and made both you and Bakugo stop in your tracks, he was the first to sit down you wanted to know what he was thinking but felt bad after what had had happened earlier on in the day to get inside of his head.

“It’s the League of Villains and Meta Liberation Army joined together.” There was hatred from the words. After the League had kidnapped Bakugo and you and Deku had been the forefront of the regaining of Bakugo, he would never admit how happy he was seeing your face and you would never tell him that you had been worried sick.

“Tomura Shigaraki as the leader, we both know you’ve had contact with him and that is why we want you to do this for the greater good.” You raised an eyebrow wanting to know more.

There was a fun in hearing it come out of peoples minds rather than reading what was in their head. You saw as she looked back outside, “we’re not asking lightly you both have a choice to make that could either further your career or lose any support you had.”

“Just spit it out.” Bakugo was getting frustrated at the cryptic messages and you couldn’t lie and say you weren’t as frustrated.

“We need the two of you to…” Listening to her intentively, thoughts skimming through your head, weighing out the positives and negatives. “We will give you till tomorrow to make your decision.”

“I’ll do it.” Bakugo was quick to speak, your eyed widened at how easily he could subjugate himself to do something as tormenting as this.

“Y/n.” You got out of your thoughts looking at her, Bakugo stared up at you, you could see the fallen ash still in his hair. He hadn’t had a shower and you were distracting yourself with being worried about the dirt instead of the question at hand.

“I need some time.” She nods dismissing you both, you both walk outside the doors.

You needed to go outside, feel the air and puke up. The anxiety you felt over this situation was making your stomach go into a whirlwind. “How could you easily decide?”

“I became a pro hero to help people, this is helping people.” You stood in front of the elevator thinking about the comment. “You should think if this is really what you want to be if you can’t easily choose to do stuff like this.”

“I’ll be back.” You spoke, walking back to the office. He didn’t bother waiting for you as he stepped inside of the elevator. He hated how coy you were being about this whole thing; it should’ve been an easy decision but maybe there was something bigger than what was being asked and he didn’t know.

Whatever it was he didn’t care walking outside as he felt the breath of stifling air hit his skin, you had made him dirty with the soil and rubble in his hair. He hated the gross feeling of it all. A man had come running outside calling his name telling him about the steps forward from now.

You had gone straight to the office, without knocking you entered. “That was a quick decision.”

“I’ll do it.” You muttered half-heartedly.

She smiled with paperwork in her hands, “good, you and Bakugo will meet tomorrow morning at this address.”

You nod taking the paper with your quirk and it landing in your hand. She dismisses you again as you run out of the building, your leg shaking whilst going down the elevator. Where you seriously doing this because of Bakugo’s comment or was it to prove that you were a pro hero who deserved their rank and position.

You saw Bakugo talking to the man who had helped you up outside, he smiles at you as you smile at both. Bakugo giving a scowl at you, you rolled your eyes leaving the two alone. You didn’t care about the conversation only about what was happening tomorrow.

The early morning sunrise hits your skin; you heard the knock on your door as you were making coffee. There hadn’t been a time on the paper just an address, so you assumed anywhere between 8 to 9 was acceptable to arrive. Well, that’s what you thought anyway.

You opened the door in your oversized shirt and nothing else sipping the coffee that you knew wouldn’t be your last. “Hello.”

You normally used your quirk to see who it was, but you were tired from staying up researching and thinking about the Liberation Front. “Why am I not surprised you’re not even fucking dressed.”

The loudness of his voice boomed through the apartment, “good morning to you too Bakugo.”

He stormed inside without an invitation; you muttered some profanities before kicking the door closed. He eyed you up and down an unamused look on his face. “Get read quickly.”

“There was no time on the paper why are you being so goody goody.” You mutter sipping on the rest of the coffee as you leant against the kitchen table. He had sat down directly in front as it left little room to imagination with how your legs were on show. Even with him seeing your legs in costume that was your choice now it felt more intimate to be seeing your legs without anything covering them.

“Just fucking hurry up.” You roll your eyes skipping into your room. It was like this boy had some sort of everlasting hatred against you.

Bakugo only knew where you lived from the many times, he had taken you home from you getting drunk, even with being rivals there was still some friendliness outside of work. Well as friendly as it could get with Bakugo, he skimmed through his phone and messages not bothering to reply to the many.

You had walked back out the leotard around your skin, you were warm in the long sleeves but were missing your thigh-high boots that helped for easy mobility and landing. You hand your phone between your hands as you typed quickly. Bakugo raised an eyebrow eyeing you again, he could admit you had worked on your body amazingly, especially your thighs which were on full show for him.

“Eyes up here dumbass.” You mutter without looking up, Mina had been talking about the plans for the night out tonight, but you didn’t even know if you’d be available after the revelation last night. You say something had come up apologising but telling them all to go themselves.

You felt bad but you didn’t know how long this thing would last and knowing the commission who didn’t understand time they would keep you for a lot longer than they should.

“Fucking hurry up.” Bakugo was tense, he looked around your apartment, he had never seen it properly only in the dark when he left you on your bed but that was it. He left as soon as he came, but as he saw the pictures with the UA class even some pictures with him in them. He noticed one from the dance that had occurred in your last year, you and Bakugo hadn’t gone with anyone but did one dance just to have one memory and Kirishima made you both take a photo. It was framed next to some potted plants that looked fake.

He saw more photos from the three years spent at UA, the festivals, the missions, the training camps and the most recent one being yours and Bakugo’s first day at the hero agency. He saw it was taken for a newspaper and remembered how the first time you both were shown to the public, you both had been asked many questions. Which led to a photo being taken, he hadn’t realised how many memories you both shared, pictures with Kirishima and him, with Mina and Momo, you had it all.

You coughed to gain his attention, he hadn’t realised you moving to the sofa, your legs bare as you zipped up your boots, they were tight and almost suffocated your legs, you pulled the other boot on your leg as he saw you struggle. You knew what he was thinking how idiotic it was that it took you so long. His thoughts were always humorous mainly due to the comments he made in his head that were far worse than what came out of his mouth.

“Fucking finally.” He muttered walking towards the door.

“Be patient.” You hissed grabbing your phone and gloves sliding them onto your fingers before the necklace you wore was put on. You did it looking at the mirror Bakugo leaning against the door frame as he watched you.

“Is little miss princess done now.” He scowled, you glared before opening the door with your quirk, the movement jabbing the door handle into his sides.

“Now whose taking their time.” You smirked back walking out of the door. He followed with a heavy grimace at your action. He had imagined blowing you up many times and you had always read these thoughts easily which you mocked him even more for.

The drive was slow, and you didn’t bother talking feeling angry at not having a second cup of coffee in the morning. You both arrived at the destination, “we’re too far into the city for this to be the place.”

The building was tall and flashed brightly, “I thought this shit was supposed to be discrete.” He parked with ease, his arm going to the back of your seat as he looked back reversing. You always loved watching any man do this, it was a heavy turn on even if it was the angry boy doing it. You were glad you were the one able of telepathy as him knowing you liked this sort of shit was a sure sign for him to mock you even more.

You both stepped outside, it was empty due to it being half seven and the building was too tall for it to be anything to do with the Liberation Front mission. “You two are here.” You both stare at the man, he hadn’t come from the building but instead an alleyway. “Follow me.”

You both did as you were told following the man, you spoke inside Bakugo’s head wanting privacy, ‘what if he wants to kill us.’

Bakugo’s face scrunched in anger at hearing your voice inside his own, ‘we’re pro heroes y/n, did you just forget that?’

‘Oh yeah’ He could hear you laughing in his head his mouth twitching upwards but suppressing a smile before your laughter was no longer in his head.

“Come in.” The man spoke, the alleyway had led to a rustic building, it was one storey and looked like a take-out place rather than a safe place to talk about the mission.

You followed anyway, Bakugo leading the way, he wasn’t doing it to get in the way or make it seem like he wanted to see first. He did it to make sure nothing bad would occur so that if it did you weren’t in the firing line, but he would never tell you that and he prayed you hadn’t been looking at his thoughts.

You normally didn’t anyway, you had told him when you first met all those years ago you hated your telepathy quirk, you didn’t like always hearing people’s true opinions on people, so you rarely used it to listen in on people and used it rather to control and manipulate villains.

You both walked inside the building, being met with a figure you didn’t expect. The current number two hero was struck right in front of you, his red wings wide as if he had just flew in, a casual smirk on his face. “Nice to finally meet you both, I’ve heard good things.”

You were in awe, yeah, you’d heard Tokoyami talk about Hawks and you had seen him a couple times, but you were never important to meet him face to face. “I need a picture.”

You hadn’t realised you said that out loud in your awestruck. “Y/n.” Bakugo scowled as Hawks smirked.

“No, it’s fine, get your picture first and then we can get down to business.” He made you go back outside to get some light, Bakugo reluctantly taking a photo of you with the pro hero a pure shock running through your bones.

‘Bakugo did you see that I got a picture with the Hawks.’ You were back in his head, he scowled as you both walked back inside you flicking through the multiple pictures which you swooned at. You were getting these printed and putting them in your apartment.

“You both already know what’s going on, I used to be undercover in the Liberation Front, I obviously can’t be associated with you that’s why we’re in this dingy building. You two need to think of a plan is really what I’m here to tell you.”

“You couldn’t have just texted us this.” Bakugo muttered, you were more annoyed you came here only tunning on one cup of coffee.

“We need you two under surveillance, that’s why my good friend is here.” Hawks pointed to the man in a suit, he didn’t introduce himself and neither did Hawks. “I’ll be back at the end of the day, come back with a plan of action.”

You and Bakugo stayed standing, you hadn’t gotten a chance to look around it was a clean bare room, a table and a couple of chairs around but that was mostly it. The man in a suit dropped some pens and papers on the table as if you were in nursery doing arts and crafts.

“If you two need anything ask him.” Hawks smiled going to the window, “come up with a plan by tonight or we won’t be needing you if you don’t”

The malice in his tongue sent shivers down your spine as you both watched him fly away, “Do you two need anything I’ll be waiting outside.”

“Coffee.” Both you and Bakugo spoke in unison.

It was a long day with multiple coffee runs and by the end you both had thought of a decent plan, it would make a scene, show your true colours and most of all be live for the whole of Japan to see. You both assumed it be the best plan and as you proposed it to Hawks, the excessive hand gestures and pleading to make it a whole show.

He finally agreed after questioning some parts, he saw it as reasonable and said he would sort it all out. You both had used the power of technology and your popularity to get this plan into action, all you needed now was it to work.

You both were set free, stretching your legs as you both walked towards the tall building again, “you getting in.” Bakugo gestured to how you stood in front of his car like a deer in a headlight.

You nodded going into the passenger seat, one hand lowly against the window and the other against the steering wheel, you watched his movements on the wheel. His ability to lazily do something so simply perfectively. You were tired and it was common for you to easily fall asleep and as you rested your head against the window the soft music coming from the speakers as Bakugo hummed along made you drift away into an effortless sleep.

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3rachasaucy · 4 years

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good little girl (pt. 2) || mark lee

Word Count: 2.4K

Type: angst, fluff, not really mature themes but maybe you'd disagree 🤷🏼‍♀️

Warning: cursing, mentions of alcohol & getting drunk, i can't think of anything else

Description: Mark is hopelessly hung up on you after you left him

A/N: this is pt 2! in order to understand, pls go read pt 1 (just scroll down a bit on my blog & it's one of the newest posts)! sorry this took so long 🥺 i genuinely wanted to post it so long ago, but it was midterm season & i was drowning 😅 but, i finally got around to finishing, so here it is! i hope you all enjoy & pls remember you are perfect the way you are 💕💕💕

♡♡♡♡

Mark sighed as you walked passed him on the sidewalk, talking with some girl he didn't know. He hated how you acted as if he wasn't there and even more how upset it made him. Why couldn't he just get over you? He had kissed plenty of girls and been over it the next day. What was so special about you?

"Hey, why don't we go to a party tonight?" Jeno suggested, noticing his friend's downcast expression. "Yeji's having dinner with her mom, so I'm free."

It had been a minute since Mark went to his last party. He had been so preoccupied with his thoughts of you. Maybe a party was what he needed; other girls to get his mind off you.

He certainly was getting over his upset feelings, which were being replaced by frustrated ones. "Let's do it. A party sounds really good right now," he finally said. He was ready to make bad decisions and regret them on a later date.

For now, he just wanted to stop thinking about you. It was obvious you didn't care. You kissing him that night must have been a mistake. He wished he felt the same way.

"And, you know, maybe Y/N does like you. Yeji said so herself that Y/N's always wanted a boyfriend that her parents adore, so maybe her fear is just that they won't like you."

Jeno was clearly just trying to make him feel better, but it wasn't working. So, what? Mark had to be a completely different person just to be with you? He wanted you to like him for him, not for someone his parents wanted him to be.

As they walked by the library, he glanced at his reflection in the windows. Was it his hair? The bleached blonde look may be off-putting. His clothes? They could be worse...nothing was wrong with leather pants here and there. He remembered the cigarettes in his pocket. That was a bad habit he had always wanted to quit but never had the motivation to do so. Maybe you could be his motivation.

He had a sharp tongue, too. Respect was always something he tried to work on. Personally, he felt that he should only give his respect to those worthy, but that wasn't South Korea's culture and he was expected to respect all his elders/superiors. His partying ways, well, those seemed to be dying out on their own due to you.

Was he really willing to change some of these aspects of himself for you? It seemed silly, but he was going crazy because of you, so might as well add more to that list...right?

♡♡♡♡

Jeno decided Mark had been at the party long enough. It was 11 PM and his friend was drunk and kissing yet another random girl. The party was a bad idea. Mark wanted you, so what was he doing? If you saw photos of the party and happened to see Mark kissing some girl in the background, it would be over.

Even if Jeno was just as unsure about your feelings for Mark, he still wanted to make sure the boy had a fighting chance.

"Why doesn't she want me?" Mark whined, his head slumping on Jeno's shoulder. "Am I that awful?"

It wasn't Jeno's first time seeing Mark drunk, but it was definitely his first time seeing an upset Mark drunk. He felt clingy and pouty...and childish. "You're not awful. Some people are just scared of love," Jeno reminded him, trying his best to keep Mark from slumping over completely. He needed to get some coffee into him. "I thought you were the same way."

Mark snorted. "Yeah, me too, but then stupid, good little girl Y/N came along and ruined me. Why does she have to be so perfect?"

Obviously, you were far from perfect, so it was amusing to hear Mark say you were despite everything. "You really like her a lot, huh?"

"It's like how you feel with Yeji. You know that feeling, right? Just thinking about them makes your chest tighten with happiness. That's how I feel about Y/N," Mark confessed quietly. "It's dumb, but she makes me feel like I'm not as bad as other people think I am. I like that feeling."

Jeno understood well. Before he was dating Yeji, he was in Mark's shoes, but Yeji helped him realize he had just acted that way to fit the image society had of him. He imagined it was the same for Mark.

A sigh left Mark's mouth followed by a loud groan before he whined out, "Where are we going? I'm tired!"

"Getting some coffee to sober you up and wake you up enough to get you home," Jeno told him as they arrived at the coffee shop. He glanced inside and found it was empty, which wasn't surprising. Then, you appeared. Crap. That wasn't good. "You stay here, okay? I'm gonna grab something really quickly. If you leave, I'm telling Y/N about all the girls you kissed."

Mark merely whined in protest before slumping against the wall. Jeno made sure he was able to stand on his own before rushing inside. "Welcome!" you greeted before turning around. "Oh, hey Jeno. You're alone?"

He felt nervous. "Why wouldn't I be? Yeji's with her mom."

"I know that, but I just thought you'd be having a guys night or something."

Right, that made sense. He needed to chill out. "Anyway, what can I get for you?" you asked just as Hyunjin, Yeji's cousin, left the storage room. "Oh, did you finally clean up your mess?"

He narrowed his eyes at you after greeting Jeno. "I wouldn't have spilled those coffee stirrers if you hadn't scared me," he reminded you, poking your side in a playful manner.

You were flirting with him. That wasn't good. Jeno checked to make sure Mark hadn't seen you. Luckily, the coast seemed clear. Jeno turned and you were staring at him. Did he look suspicious?

"Jeno...your order?" you questioned.

Ah, right. Duh! "Um, whatever has a lot of caffeine in it," he finally said and you nodded. "Something sweet, I guess."

Turning, you went to prepare his order. "What do we do, Y/N?" Hyunjin questioned. You turned and looked at him, confusion and concern evident on your face. "What do we do when he asks for something sweet and the sweetest thing here is you?"

Jeno wanted to hit him, but he didn't since he was Yeji's cousin. "Shut up!" you giggled, elbowing him.

"Oh, wow, isn't that cute," Mark said from the doorway, making Jeno jump. Shit. "Honestly, fuck you, Y/N."

What was he doing? "Dude, shut the hell up," Jeno hissed, trying to get Mark to leave, but the older boy refused. "Seriously, don't do this now."

Mark, unfortunately, was drunk and stubborn. "Here I've been suffering because you left me after we kissed but you've been flirting with Yeji's cousin. Don't you have a fucking heart or a little bit of decency? If you don't like me then fucking tell me instead of acting like I don't exist!"

You and Hyunjin were both stunned. Hyunjin felt uncomfortable and a bit apologetic. "There's nothing between me and Y/N," he tried to tell Mark.

"I don't care what you say. You expect me to believe you're just friends with her after I just watched you flirt?" Mark asked. "Can't say I blame you...she's perfect."

Jeno saw Mark's vulnerable state as an opportunity to get him to leave. "Okay, let's go," he sighed. Luckily, Mark complied. "Sorry about this, Y/N. He's not in the right state of mind."

The two left, leaving you still stunned and holding a coffee cup.

Yeji and Jeno went over to Mark's apartment the next day to confront him about everything. It wasn't meant to be intense, they just thought they should talk to him. When they got there, however, he was gone. According to the building's security guard, he had left after Jeno did. That worried them.

They called you to see if you knew anything. "No, I haven't seen him since last night. Why? Did something happen?" you asked before they explained. "That's not good. I'll go check the other apartment and keep you guys posted."

So, you left to see if he was there. You were really hoping he hadn't done something dumb and gotten himself into trouble.

When you got there, you could hear muffled voices. One of them had to be Mark. The other, however, was a mystery? Was it a girl? Mark said they didn't bring just anyone there to keep it private. You hated how worried you were at the thought of it being another girl.

Even so, you input the passcode before entering. "I fucked up!" Mark cried out, storming down the hall as you entered.

A tall guy was standing in the living room. "Oh, hello," he greeted. He looked you up and down before smiling. "You must be Y/N."

You nodded, still confused. He walked over and held his hand out. "I'm Johnny, Mark's friend. I've heard a lot about you," Johnny informed you as you shook hands. "I'm glad I finally get to meet you."

"Is Mark okay?" you asked, still confused.

He laughed. "Definitely not. Let's just say he did something he's regretting pretty instantaneously." You nodded. "Mark! Your girlfriend is here!"

You blushed at that. "Fuck!" Mark cried out from the bathroom.

Johnny turned back to you, still smiling. "Well, Y/N, it was a pleasure to meet you and I hope I can meet you again to better get to know you," he said. "For now, I'll leave you to handle the boy. Have a good day."

"B-bye, it was nice meeting you," you managed out as he left. The bathroom door opened again and Mark left with his hood on, the drawstrings pulled so you could barely see his face. "Mark, what did you do?"

"N-nothing! Don't worry about it," he told you nervously. "Why are you even here?"

Right, you needed to text Jeno and Yeji. "Jeno and Yeji went over to your place but found out you left in the middle of the night, so they were worried."

He nodded. "Okay, well, I'm alive, so you can just text them and be on your way."

Your eyebrows furrowed. "What the hell did you do, Mark?" you asked, stepping closer to him. "You didn't get a face tattoo, did you?"

"No!" he cried out, backing into his room to avoid you. "Just leave me alone!"

Of course, you just had to know what he was hiding. You could see he was about to trip over his mattress, so you used that to your advantage. The moment he fell backwards on the mattress, you tackled him.

He squirmed beneath you as you reached for his hood, ignoring his protests. Your eyes widened once the hood was down. "Mark! Your hair!" you gasped. Your fingers went to his now black locks. "What did you do?"

Clearly, he dyed and cut his hair, but why? "I did it for you. I thought you wouldn't be so embarrassed to introduce me to your parents if I looked more presentable. Now I look like an idiot who changed for some girl that doesn't even like him."

"Mark, I liked your hair and I don't want you to change who you are. I do like you, Mark."

His eyebrows furrowed. "You do? But...you left me," he reminded you.

You nodded. "Because I was scared. I mean, my boyfriend getting along with my parents is important to me and I also want a boyfriend who only loves me, but I wasn't sure you could do that," you confessed. "But that's different now."

Sitting up, he held onto you to keep you on his lap. "What do you mean?"

"Yeji told her mom about us and, it just so happens, our moms are friends. Her mom told my mom everything and my mom called me this morning to tell me to stop being stupid and date you." You laughed at his surprised reaction. "I guess I was so scared that I didn't think to talk to my mom. She told me that she thinks you sound like a sweet boy. She said any boy who treats me like a queen is good in her book and that I need to stop stressing and do what makes me happy."

Mark's heart was pounding faster than ever as he asked, "What does this mean?"

You smiled, running a hand through his freshly dyed hair. "It means that, if you'll accept me and forgive me for being a bitch, I wanna be your girlfriend," you confessed, making him smile wider than he had in a while.

"I'd love nothing more," he told you softly before connecting your lips. He had missed your touch and taste and wanted nothing more than to just melt in it. He briefly broke the kiss. "And don't use that language, okay? You're supposed to be my good little girl."

Giggling, you nodded before saying, "And only your good little girl."

"Shit, things are getting real PG-13 in here," Jeno said from the doorway, making you and Mark jump. "Damn, I really didn't expect this."

Yeji squealed happily. "This is great! Think of all the double dates and our joint wedding!" she exclaimed, making you laugh. Her eyes suddenly widened. "Mark! Your hair!"

His hand instinctively went to the black locks. "It was an impulsive dye job. I thought if I dyed my hair, her parents might like me and we could date," he confessed.

"That's so sweet! You dyed your hair just for our little Y/N? He's a keeper, babe."

You smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess he is," you said, making him smile.

Jeno was so glad things worked out, especially after the night before. "Come on, we came to take you to breakfast, but I guess it can be our first brunch double date," he said, making Yeji clap happily.

They led the way and you followed but were stopped when Mark tugged at your wrist, pulling you into him. "One more for the road," he mumbled before kissing you again.

You smiled into the kiss and he decided it was one of his new favorite feelings ever. One thing was for sure, you were his good little girl and he was your not-so-bad little boy.

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jiminshoney · 5 years

Text

Where You Belong (Part 3)

Word Count: 10,773

Warnings: language, cheating, brief mentions of black mirror’s black museum episode (spoiler ig if you haven't seen it?), a cliffhanger, and angst but you knew that

[ tumblrs a jack*ss and links are broken, pls check my blog to catch up on the first three parts ]

Your body betrays you by waking you up agonizingly early, before your alarm has rung and before the sun has even had a chance to rise. The glaring numbers on your phone reveal that it’s barely 5 AM. You groan into the cushions beneath you, frustrated because you have to be at work in three hours and you were just robbed of a potentially meaningful last hour of sleep.

Opening a single eye to look back at the device’s bright screen, you can’t ignore the top notifications which continue to blink and beg for your attention. 15 missed calls and a somewhat impressive 28 unread texts all from Jungkook. It’s more than he sent in the month alone.

Your first thought is to ignore them, you want to ignore him, it’s too early to even think about processing what he has to say or replaying last night’s events. A sharp pain spreads through your chest, stretching until it meets your rib cage where there lies an almost forgotten void. There’s always those few seconds the morning after something terrible has happened, a moment of ignorant bliss, until your mind and heart remember and everything hurts again. The ache reminds you why last night went the way it did.

You don’t know that you can handle whatever he has to say, though you are curious...

Curious if someone who’s still in love and terrified of losing their girlfriend sends 28 texts and calls 15 times. Is that what it meant? Was he scared, desperate, remorseful? Or did he only offer a pathetic apology in twenty-something streams of the word sorry?

Driven by curiosity, you press a thumb to unlock your phone and open all the unread messages from last night.

From: jungkook♥ [5:19 PM]

Y/N

Can we please talk about this?

can you jus t come back please??

From: jungkook♥ [5:21 PM]

hello?

Y/N please answer

From: jungkook♥ [5:22 PM]

please pplease please

From: jungkook♥ [5:27 PM]

Where did you go

????

Im outside just tell me where you are

From: jungkook♥ [5:30 PM]

If not can tou answer?

Please answer the phone

From: jungkook♥ [5:32 PM]

fuck

Hello? Where did you go

Tell me where you are

From: jungkook♥ [5:33 PM]

Its fine if you decide to hate me for the rest of your life btu let me talk to yo about this first

Just give me a chance to explain everything

I mean there is no excuse but i wanna talk about this

From: jungkook♥ [5:35 PM]

pick up!!

From: jungkook♥ [5:37 PM]

I am begging you rn justsay something

Im outside, Please?

From: jungkook♥ [5:40 PM]

If its too soon i get it just let me see you for a second

If its too soon just tell me

but atleast tell m where you are?

From: jungkook♥ [5:45 PM]

Do you want the apartment? I’ll leave nd get a hotel

From: jungkook♥ [5:50 PM]

???

ffs just let me know you’re safe ok?

Please thats it

From: jungkook♥ [9:36 PM]

I love you y/n. Whenever you see this, you don’t have to call me back jus let me know that you’re somewhere safe alright?

“You love me? Right.” After a click of your tongue you chuck the phone back onto the table. Out of sight, out of mind, you think with a throw of the blanket over your head.

His messages didn’t offer any relief, all they’ve done is overwhelm and mildly irritate you because he acts as if you at least owe him the status of your location and quite frankly- you don’t owe him shit.

How dare he act worried about you and have the nerve to type out that disingenuous four-letter word like- I know you just found out my coworker sucked my dick but goodnight, love you. The audacity! Why should you have to tell him where you ran off to when he cheated on you and hid it for a week? Oh so well, as one may add, because there hadn’t been a sliver of suspicion. Had Taehyung not even been a factor, would he have ever told you? It’s unlikely and no one will ever know. It’s possible that he may have after much much time had passed, so maybe you’ll possibly tell him that you are in the safe confines of someone-who-actually-loves-you’s home… after much much time, of course.

All of this quickly reminds you that you don’t have any of your things. Your hygiene products, clean work clothes, fresh underwear, makeup, etc. You didn’t even have your purse after abruptly leaving your apartment.

A frustrated groan escapes you because now you must figure out how you’ll properly get ready for work the way you normally do. The last thing you wanted was to go back and run into Jungkook. Some days he left bright and early at 5:30 AM and you can take your chances and hope it’s one of those mornings, but it could just as likely be a day he’s decided to sleep in until 8. His app is finished so he shouldn’t have any standing reason to go in early, if not for the fact that he missed nearly a week of work, so he may. The odds were 50/50, it’s better to not risk it.

There’s also the option to call out of work, to stay in and sulk until an hour that he absolutely couldn’t be home, pack all your things and run away to a small town where nobody knows you until things get better. While tempting, you’re realistic and know that you cannot just uproot your life because you’re sad. The mere thought of having to go out and put on a brave face in front of the world today while you felt broken inside was tiring in itself, but sulking seemed exhausting. It wouldn’t make you feel any better, so you might as well go on like it’s any other work day. You could just shower here, pull your hair in a bun, stop at a Target for clothes and other necessities on the way and everything would be fine. At least you’d be able to busy your mind with something other than the fact the love of your life shit on a three year relationship for another woman no less.

-----

Around 9 AM, your work phone rings loudly against the desk. It sends your heart racing into a frenzy because the only person who ever called was your boss, and she only called for impromptu staff meetings or more specifically- to fire someone.

“Y/N~” To your surprise, the lobby receptionist’s voice sings at your pickup.

“Hyerin, good morning!” You smile, thankful that you aren’t losing your job too.

“You have a guest down here waiting for you.”

“What..?”

Your poor heart doesn’t get a chance to relax, there was only person who came to visit you at work. A person who shouldn't be visiting you right now.

“Mhmm! He brought you coffee~!”

“He?” Your jaw clenches, there could be no way. Jungkook could not be ridiculous enough to show up to your job first thing in the morning. He specifically said he understood if it was too soon for you! Why is he doing this? “I-- tell him I’m not in today!”

“He would know I’m lying!” Her hushed voice scratches against the receiver, tickling your eardrums uncomfortably.

“Then tell him I’m busy.”

“But he’s being so patient,” She says, her once melodious voice becoming sympathetic. “Shall I have him wait a few minutes?”

“Just tell him I don’t wanna see him, okay?”

“Oh but Y/N! I said he brought you coffee! Don’t be impolite and just come down, okay?”

Her end briefly goes silent before the endless dial tone beeps to indicate she’s hung up before you could utter another excuse. You mentally curse her because her greatest quality is that she’s the kindest person on earth, but her worst quality is that she’s the kindest person on earth and can’t tell unwanted guests to go away. In her defense, she doesn’t know that your boyfriend has been unloyal and you have a very valid reason for not wanting to see him.

On the way downstairs you are fully prepared to pour coffee over Jungkook’s head and curse him out for showing up to your place of work uninvited under the current circumstances. It’s disrespectful and he’s crossing a line by being here, you couldn’t wait to send him on his way. He couldn’t force you to talk if you didn’t want to. Though, that reaction would surely cause a scene. You will instead kindly let him know he’s being unprofessional and ask him to leave.

You practice the words again and again, it’s a must in order to not break the moment you face him. After all, the last time you saw him you were a bawling mess with mascara smearing on your fingertips and telling him you hated him while feeling like you might pass out. You couldn’t be the weak one this time.

Walking down the hall from the elevator your heart is still racing but you feel a sense of confidence even if it’s mild and fake, you’re just ready to get it over with. He’s leaning up against the front desk, distracted in a conversation with Hyerin as you approach. Heart thumping, the back of his head becomes clearer, strands of ash brown hair…

Your feet freeze against the marble flooring, “Taehyung?”

He swiftly turns at the sound of your voice, shoulders visibly relaxing when his eyes land on you. “Hey!” He pauses to turn, grabbing two concealed drinks off the edge of the reception desk, and closing the gap as he walks to you. “You left without saying anything.”

You should feel relieved but your mind and body hadn’t aligned, heart still shaken up over thinking he would be someone else. “Y-yea… I’m sorry. I left you a note, it was really early.”

“Oh! My fault, I didn’t see it. I came to make sure you’re okay.” He quirks a brow, letting you know his statement is indeed a question.

Not well given everything that’s happened, but that’s obvious. It wasn’t lunch time yet so it was possible in a few hours you’d be ready to slam your head into a wall but you’ve survived so far.

“I’m fine, Tae.”

His lips fall to an exaggerated frown, he is unconvinced and unimpressed by your attempt to not even sound dry. “How are you really, Y/N?”

You sigh, he would not be Taehyung if he didn’t at least try to get more from you. “Well… I’ve already cried once at my cubicle, I’m wearing $3 concealer that does nothing for the bags under my eyes, I have a minor headache and I just nearly had a heart attack because I thought you were Jungkook but other than that I’m okay, really.”

“You cried?”

You open your mouth to speak but get caught on an answer. Maybe you shouldn’t have slipped that part out not only because it’s embarrassing but now he’d just worry more than you knew he was. But it’s too late and the confession was made.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

A month or so after Jungkook you’d also gotten a job, specifically the one you had now. Like Jungkook it wasn’t at all what you wanted to do. The first few weeks after graduating were hard, all of the places you really wanted to work just weren’t calling back or would immediately send the dreaded thanks but no thanks email. Your mom had forced you to stop being so nit picky and apply wherever you could, passively sending you links to job openings she would spot online herself. Eventually you scored a job in the corporate world- lucky enough to make a decent amount of money, get home early, and not work weekends. Not so fortunately, you were stuck in some boring entry-level position in a finance department. It was the last thing on earth you wanted to be doing but you’d felt obligated to take it because up until that point your parents were helping with rent and other money related responsibilities.

The only person who really knew how you felt back then was Jungkook. At first you claimed it was different, like you’d said to him then, at least he was doing something related to his dream career. But no, really, he got it. He understood the fear you had of not being able to move away from this, the weight of life’s responsibilities, the overwhelming desire to just do what the hell you were passionate about, he knew it all too well.

On your first day of work he printed one of the hundred-something selfies you two had taken on graduation day and bought a frame for you to prop on your desk. He’d told you not to peak and to assemble it once you got to work, obviously you didn’t and couldn’t resist temptation, and the surprise was a short note he wrote on the back.

Baby, Congrats !!!

I know you’re not excited but I will be excited for you because I’m really proud of you still. You always remind me that bad days are temporary when I complain about work, ha ha, I want to remind you that too. I know nothing is perfect right now, a lot of things suck, but you still have me. I look forward to the future because I still have you. We may not have our dream jobs but we have each other so hopefully we can live our dream life soon. Just hang in there!

I love you more than anything - Jungkook

You couldn’t stop grinning the first time you’d read it. It was hard to find the words to say to him, hard to express your gratitude and how thankful you were you had him, you could only text him and say I love you so very much and that was enough for him.

Seeing that photo of your younger selves first thing in the morning was aggravating to say the least. You’d immediately slammed the frame down, picking at the back to take the pieces apart, intentions to tear the picture in half. But when you yanked it free from the slot and blue ink came to vision, you paused and read what he’d written less than a year ago. Tears were brimming before you realized. You didn’t have the guts to rip up the picture then, instead you shoved it in one of your drawers to be forgotten until you stumble upon it another day.

Taehyung looks at you worriedly, and it’s the same look he gave you yesterday before he turned your world upside down. A look you can now identify as the I-have-bad-news look.

“I saw Jungkook on my way here.”

“Okay?”

“He asked me if I’d heard from you.”

“Oh God... Taehyung please don’t tell me you told him I spent the night at your place.”

“I told him.”

“Why!? Why would you do that!?”

Hyerin’s only a few feet behind him, so as her head turns and her prying gaze briefly catches your eyes you glance around the two of you quickly, checking that no one else heard your brief outburst.

“I- I didn’t realize- I don’t know? I’m sorry?”

Taking a deep breath in you close your eyes to calm yourself. You don’t mean to yell at him, he hasn’t done anything wrong or gone against verbalized wishes. You know this. You’re just on edge, emotional, and you didn’t want Jungkook to know where you were.

“Is it because it’s me? You didn’t want him to know you were with me?” He asks.

“What? Taehyung, oh my God, no! It’s not about you.” You try not to raise your voice anymore, though you were sure you were probably scowling at him, annoyed with his assumptions.

“Forget I asked.” He’s good at keeping his voice level, manages to not react after you, but you can tell he’s just as annoyed with you when a muscle tenses in his jaw. “Which one do you want?”

He raises the two drinks in his hands, one’s holding a clear plastic cup with dark liquid chilled over ice, and in the other he has a large paper cup, presumably the same dark liquid but hot. It’s a harsh reminder that you’re being snappy with the wrong person. No matter how irritable you were, he didn’t deserve the back end of it. All he did was give to you, even now when you keep being rude to him.

“Tae, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I’m sorry. I just got upset because… I’m not ready to talk to Jungkook and I don’t want him knowing where I am.”

“If you’re worried he’s gonna pop up on you, I don’t think it’s like that. He seemed really worried and I think he wanted to know you’re safe.”

Yeah, you think, that’s exactly what he said.

You finally take the hot coffee from his hand, finding a way to divert the conversation away from Jungkook.

“Thank you for this.”

“Of course. I have to leave soon. I’m shooting this guy for his acting portfolio. Then my friend is working a fashion shoot afterwards and invited me to help so I’m not sure when I’ll be done. I wanted to give you this.” With his free hand he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a shiny gold key. “Just got it copied.”

He smiles widely, giggling as you hesitantly take the key into your own hand. You don’t know why he’s gushing about this but it has butterflies floating in your stomach.

“Is this to your apartment?”

“Where else? I mean- this isn’t me asking you to be my roommate but... I wanted you to have somewhere to go even if I’m not home.”

“Tae! You didn’t need to go copy a whole key I- I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

-----

Taehyung’s apartment is empty when you get there after work, and while it’s not surprising because he did say he had work you still feel disappointed. Leaving work you were eager to get some alone time, but not like this.

All your coworkers actually showed up today, and being that it was the day after New Year’s, everyone wanted to talk about how great their New Year went. The universe was making a mock out of you, you were sure of it. A few of the girls priorly knew about your plans with Jungkook and had hopeful heart eyes as they asked about the cruise, and while the actual night was fine, yesterday was not something you even wanted to think about.

You’d always find a way out, excusing yourself to go make copies or apologizing because “I really need to finish writing this report.” Your sweet coworkers, they understood. Saying, “Right, I need to respond to a few emails” before running back to their own cubicles and leaving you alone. That is until a new question popped in their mind that’d have them strolling back over.

You were the only woman in your office with a standing long-term relationship, they all loved to live vicariously through you while struggling with their own love lives. You knew you’d break their hearts when you’d finally have to tell them the truth. At least for today, you omitted that bit of the story. Not only for their sake, but also for yours. It’s embarrassing to say the least.

You’re not sure yet what it says about you to be someone who got cheated on. Will people wonder what you did to push him that far? Will they pity you? Will they figure you must be a bad girlfriend and did something wrong?

Did you do something wrong?

Making your way to the kitchen you decide to scavenge Taehyung’s fridge for something to eat. Your stomach started grumbling a few hours ago after you made the silly choice of skipping lunch. Looking back, you’re not sure why you did because the persistent headache you’ve had since morning is likely due to the fact that you haven’t ate anything. Unfortunately for you and your pain his fridge is empty of anything edible, only stocked with a carton of milk, a pack of bottled water and a single bottle of wine.

“How do men survive like this?” You mutter, deciding to at least continue to hydrate your organs if you couldn’t feed them. You slump onto a chair at his small dining table thinking, Jungkook’s fridge would also look like that if it weren’t for me.

Across from you, his shiny macbook seems to wave hello, and beyond that you notice his camera bag is on the chair. If his camera is here then he can’t be at a photo shoot right now. Unless his friend told him not to bring it, then again why would you tell a photographer not to bring their camera? It’s possible he’s already been home, but you haven’t a clue where he’d be now.

The laptop shimmers in the light, begging for your attention once more, quietly reminding you about the interesting contents it holds.

“I know.” You grumble aloud. More to yourself because you are aware it’s an inanimate object that can’t actually communicate and it’s your own conscious taunting you. Yes, the pictures, I know.

The tempting voice asks if you’re even a little bit curious, if there’s a small part of you that wants to know what Taehyung saw in Jungkook that night? How he knew it before you, how he knows when he doesn’t even really know. It’s in the pictures like he’d said, and you could easily pass your fingertips over the smooth surface, you could open the lid, you could see for yourself.

But wouldn’t that be an invasion of privacy? Snooping through his laptop while he’s not even here just to see the way Jungkook interacts with some girl feels selfish and wrong. He probably has a lock on there anyway.

Oh but dear, the laptop says, he wanted you to see them after all! You could look through his camera, they might still be there. Taehyung wouldn’t mind at all! You should check!

It’s tempting, you think back, but I don’t know…

Don’t you wanna see the face of the woman who he found room in his heart for?

The words are way too personal, a blatant throw back of Jungkook’s confession. Another reminder that you definitely aren’t talking to a laptop and this is just conflicting dialogue in your own head.

Maybe there is a part of you that wants to know. It’ll probably hurt but you won’t stop wondering if you never look. Even just once.

You move from one seat to the other, placing his bag onto the table carefully. You’re gentle as you pull the Canon from it’s compartment, the weight of it shifting into both palms reminds you that if you do anything wrong your friend just might kill you because this baby costs (literal) thousands.

Thankfully, as the camera comes to life his, presumably, last photo taken appears on the small square screen which means you don’t have to press a million buttons just to find what you’re looking for. You scroll through the first photos, dozens of group shots of people wearing different hot pink garments, wondering briefly what the photo shoot was for. Eventually you land on close up photos of a younger guy, the head shots for Taehyung’s friend, you’re close. Until finally, there’s a photo of an older man and woman holding two thumbs up, the festive backdrop giving away they’re at a holiday party.

This is it.

You take a moment before continuing to scroll, preparing yourself mentally because you aren’t sure when you will finally land on a picture of the two in search, but you will reach them and when you do, you must contain your emotions.

It’s fine, it’ll be fine.

Moving on, you’re slower this time, carefully scanning each passing photo to be sure not to miss Jungkook. The first few ones, or rather last several, are group shots with the same old man as before, until they become more candid.

The first time you spot him, he’s in the background giving some guy a hug.

There’s another photo of him at a table, not alone, but not speaking to anyone. He’s completely unaware that he’s being captured in the background which makes his oblivious doe-like daze a little adorable. He’s so cute, you think. Also oblivious to the smile that’s perked on your lips.

That is until you skip to the next photo and noticeably feel it drop when you finally see her. Somehow, you just know. There’s a second woman in the photo who seems to be talking with her hands, Lia’s smiling and making eye contact, but Jungkook’s eyes are on Lia.

You pass it, moving onto something else. There’s another. This time, they’re the focus of the photo, sitting at a table with another you haven’t met, all engaged in laughter.

You skip a few more, until the next one with them is again in the background. He’s smirking but you can’t see her face because she’s sat at an angle and her hair’s in the way.

The next photo is captured from behind, but you know it’s them because of her red dress and the fact you can recognize Jungkook from any angle by now. One arm around his shoulder and her head leaning into him, what warranted her to come this close?

You pass many, many more photos until you see them again. A posed picture, with the same guy from the laughing one, and like this you can really get a good look at her. You’re not too prideful to admit that she is beautiful and she holds an enticing look in her eyes. Maybe that’s her special feature, but other than that what’s special about her? Past the pretty face and perfect smile, what separates her from you? What was there under her surface? How’d she win over Jungkook?

The next pictures you go through are mostly boring, just photos of everyone at the party eating and conversing. But there’s one common factor in all of them with Lia and Jungkook, he was always looking at her. Most of the time smiling while he did so. And most of that time, she was looking at him too.

There’s something obvious there, that maybe Taehyung also saw, they have a connection. That, even if you hadn’t known him, you would think they had something going on too with all the ridiculous googly eyes. But with that, because you know him, there’s something else you see- That he is absolutely fascinated by her, drawn to her, intrigued. Whatever special thing she possessed, he’s latched onto it and it’s pulled him away from you.

Tears begin to well and you have to set the camera down to wipe them away harshly. It’s annoying, this marks the third time today, and if you let yourself cry now it’ll only worsen your headache into a migraine. You don’t want to cry over him, he doesn’t deserve it. Crying means you care and well, obviously you care. You love him, but he doesn’t deserve that either. Why should you still love him after what he’s done to you?

It’s useless to keep rubbing your eyes, your knuckles pointlessly tug the skin just for them to become wet again. You didn’t want to cry but your body was intent on releasing it’s frustration.

It’s not fair that after so much time together this other person just gets to come in and move his heart- quite literally, like he said, making room inside of it. It’s not fair that just two months ago he said to you he couldn’t see himself with anybody else just to fall for another girl who knows how long after. Maybe it’d happened before he even said it. The fact that he was willing to explore how he felt about her should’ve been a dead giveaway that he was in denial at the time. Maybe you were too.

Could it be that she’s the reason your relationship spiraled in the first place? After he started work that’s when the distance between you two started to extend. There were a lot of other things you thought it could be. You thought he was depressed over the new job, closed off from you because he was closed off to the world. And at the time, you tried your best to be the optimistic one. You tried to lift his spirits and be encouraging but maybe it wasn’t enough. Where did you go wrong? Where did you fail at making him happy?

Why weren’t you enough?

You desperately want to know what it is about her- what is it that Lia has and you don’t?

Is it all because he felt you weren’t reciprocating his efforts to fix things? Maybe you didn’t try hard enough. You should’ve done more- you should’ve been more affectionate and caring. You should’ve loved him better.

You flinch at the soft thud of the door closing, jumping out of your seat because it’s startled you. It’s just Taehyung, standing there silently with a harsh expression of worry.

“You were crying.” He says plainly, a hint of guilt in his tone.

“No.” You lie, wiping your face once more and forcing a laugh.

He shakes his head as he makes his way to you, setting a white to-go box on the table before standing in front of you.

“You think I’m stupid? Your eyes are red.” His voice is unnecessarily gentle as he cups your face in both hands, thumbs wiping away left over traces of tears. The sound of his voice alone makes your entire chest warm- you hate it. “Also, I saw you.”

“I’m fine.” You push his hands away because his affections are way too much for your weakened heart to handle. He seems displeased. “What’d you get?”

He glances at the table and then back to you. The pierce of his brown eyes makes your lungs constrict, even his gaze is difficult to hold.

“Fried chicken. You saw the pictures?”

“O- y-yea…” You force yourself to look away- if you breathe properly maybe you can talk without sounding like a moron. “I’m really sorry for going through your things I just got curious and I shouldn’t have but that’s-”

“It’s okay, Y/n.” He assures you, “Are you okay?”

Your mouth forms to say yes and he already knows the lie to come, fixing his question before you can.

“I mean you’re not okay. I’m asking if you wanna talk about it.”

“It’s okay.” There were too many layers to uncover, between your emotions and the pictures and your anniversary and what really happened at that party, “It’s a lot.”

He shrugs at your words like they don’t matter, “I’ve got some time. And I’ve got food.”

“Tae-”

“Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I’m just confused. But I don’t want to ramble and get upset.”

“Why are you confused?”

“I just… I don’t understand Jungkook. I don’t understand why he likes that girl. I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough. I don’t understand why he was so good to me if there was someone else, even after what happened, all the way until I found that he fucking let her-” You stop there, unsure what words to use to explain what happened other than the disgusting frank description that was there in your mind. Your stomach was already churning, you couldn’t say it.

“He let her…?”

“They… you know…” You vaguely wave your hands between your bodies, back and forth from the direction of your mouth to his crotch, hoping he caught on to the innuendo and wouldn’t force you to be explicit. He’d already successfully tricked in you into saying more than you originally wanted to.

“Ahh, wow um…” Surprised, he understands, but uncertain with himself if that’s really what you meant. If only he knew just how bad it gets.

“Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright, alright.” He holds his hands up defensively, letting the topic go at once.

At some point over the last few months he’d stopped being passive and tried harder to pry information out of you when you were being closed off. Not too forcefully, but it was silently appreciated. You’d become grateful for his willingness to listen to whatever was weighing on your mind no matter the topic, it was always followed with thoughtful responses and advice. Now though, it’s a bit more frustrating. Something about this was different. This was not something that was easy to open up about and you wished he would say OK and let it be.

You know there’s an elephant in the room and at some point the healthy thing to do will be talking about it and having that conversation with him, your closest friend, but today wasn’t it.

He makes his way to the farthest side of the table, “Well, I’ll have to eat dinner with you quickly because I have to go check on a tenant downstairs. Their heater isn’t working and as you can imagine in the middle of winter they aren’t happy about it.”

“If you have business to take care of it’s fine. I need to go back to my apartment anyway to grab some things before Jungkook gets home and then find a hotel somewhere.”

“You’re being ridiculous, you don’t need a hotel. And you should at least eat first.”

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry.” Your prolonged headache would beg to differ but you didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. You’re not sure how to respond to his first remark because it’s obvious you don’t have anywhere else to stay. You’d stay here, but only if he offered. You weren’t going to ask since you had no plan and it’d be quite the favor to ask someone to crash at their place for an indefinite period of time. “Ah, also, I don’t have my key… would you mind helping me get in?”

“Not at all.” A moment of silence drags on for a minute too long as he stares at you sadly, worrying his bottom lip, until he speaks up again. “You sure you don’t want to eat something?”

“I’m sure.”

With that, he heads over to the cabinet below the kitchen sink and pulls out of a bulky rectangular safe. Upon unlocking it there’s nearly a hundred keys organized on rows of hooks- a key to every room in the entire complex. He plucks yours straight from the center and then begins to count towards the bottom before he pulls another one.

After locking everything back up and putting it in it’s discreet place he places the keys in your hands silently. One reads 503, the other 705.

“What is this?”

“There’s a furnished room on the top floor. It’s clean, it’s got running water and it’s all yours.”

“Huh?”

“We only use it for tours because it has extra square footage compared to the other one bedrooms- don’t tell anybody that. Also, please do not lose these because if Mr.Lee finds out I’m doing this-”

“I understand!” You sputter, gripping the cold metal tightly. “Thank you, Taehyung.”

He beams at you, “It’s no problem. You still have a key here so don’t feel like you’re not welcome to visit.”

To visit, right, not to stay.

You weren’t going to ask him, no, but you do feel disappointed that he hadn’t offered. And maybe that’s selfish of you to think considering he’s risking his job just to offer you a private place of comfort and here you are wondering why you can’t stay with him.

You can’t help but feel this is his subtle way of getting rid of you, which is fair, your moodiness is probably annoying. Still, he’s being nothing but kind and going out of his way for you, and yet for some reason it’s all making you sad.

-----

It’s been exactly 10 days since you’ve seen Jungkook, which is impressive considering you both return home to the same complex every day and have yet to cross paths. For the first time ever you were thankful for the difference in your schedules, by now assuming that he was likely back to his usual 10 AM to 6 PM shift and that’s why you two hadn’t. But, you’d be a liar if you said you didn’t wish to see him every day.

There were countless times you had to stop yourself from calling him, thinking I just want to see how he’s doing. In the morning, on the way to work, in the evening, on the train, at night- especially at night, especially when you had to lay in bed alone. Other times you instinctively pressed for 5 on the elevator, only remembering you were on the wrong level when the doors opened to familiarity, you would consider for a moment getting off and just going back home, but deep down you knew better than to make that mistake. Your self control was also impressive.

In your own defense, your moments of weakness were absolutely valid, you two had been inseparable since that first day of sophomore year over three years ago, you never went more than two days without seeing each other. Well, that’s not entirely true. There was the winter break before you started dating, and his family’s week long vacation two summers ago, but you still talked every day so it’s not the same.

This last year in particular your lives were built around each other- you freaking moved in together. Every day for a year you woke up and he was there, you went to sleep and he was there, right next to you. Even your body knew that something was missing as it tossed and turned at night, falling asleep had become difficult. Unless you cried, but you tried to minimize that to every other day.

The spacious apartment did not help your loneliness either, you tried to find comfort and treat it like a get away, but really it was unfamiliar and lacked personal touch. You didn’t even feel like a guest in someone else’s home, the space felt outside of reality, outside of your norm.

The only time things didn’t feel so odd were when you were with Taehyung. In his space he provided the consistent comfort you craved. The only problem was that the past week just so happened to be a week he was packed with gig after gig after gig. He’d been very busy with his photography and while he did his best to call you throughout the days and make sure you were simply surviving, the physical time you spent together had dwindled down significantly. Another hard pill to swallow since you’d gotten used to seeing him every day too.

Your loneliness was becoming suffocating.

Thankfully tonight some of the girls from your job made dinner plans that you were included in, which turned into an impromptu trip to a nearby karaoke bar afterwards. It was a nice break away from your usual routine to go out and spend time with friends rather than sitting inside alone on a Friday night. It was also the most you’d laughed all week.

Your plan for when you got back to the apartment complex was to go straight inside, change out of your work clothes, quickly go through your bedtime routine before your mind had a chance to start wandering through every reason you had to be sad, and go to sleep. That all becomes impossible the second you step into 705 and are welcomed by it’s freezing cold draft, it feels like you’ve just stepped back outside into the winter night.

The thermostat claims the heat is on, set to 70 degrees, but the current indoor temperature reads as 42 degrees fahrenheit.

“Jesus Christ, not me.” You groan at the ceiling, letting your bag thump to the ground before bending over to fish for your cell phone.

To: Tae [9:42 PM]

Please tell me you’re home :(

You hold the phone in your hand for a few minutes, waiting for his message to pop up on the screen but his reply is not immediate. You begin to worry because he’s typically a quick responder as long as he’s not working, and though it’s late maybe he was still at a shoot, or he also decided to go out tonight. Either way, you’d have to figure out what to do because there was no way you could sleep in this place tonight.

From: Tae [9:47 PM]

I’m here

Sorry about that I was making tea

what’s up angel?

A-Angel?

You’re not sure that he’s ever called you that before and don’t know where it’s come from and your face may be heating up at the pet name but there’s more important matters at hand.

To: Tae [9:48 PM]

Uhh hate to bother you but… I think the heaters broken

From: Tae [9:48 PM]

Nooo You’re the third person this week :(

From: Tae [9:49 PM]

I’m sorry, do you wanna sleep here?

Do you even have to ask?

---

When you arrive downstairs moments later he welcomes you in with a tight hug, as if it’s been months since he’s seen you but it’s only been three days. Regardless, the affection is much needed as you’ve been deprived of all physical forms, you feel yourself wanting to reach back out as he pulls away.

“I still have hot water, do you want me to make you some tea?”

“Hm, I’m okay, but thank you.” You were still fairly stuffed from dinner and the several virgin margaritas you enjoyed during karaoke.

Leaving your bags in the living room, you follow his path into the kitchen. Sure enough, there’s a kettle on the counter next to a small box and mug, he moves quickly to clean up the small mess and put things back into their place.

“Well since you’re here, do you want to watch a movie or anything? I think there’s a new episode of that weird sci-fi show you like.”

“First of all if you’re talking about Black Mirror, it’s not weird, but yes there’s a new interactive movie.”

He glances back to roll his eyes at you before dusting scraps into the trash bin. “You made me watch an episode where they trapped someone’s consciousness into a teddy bear… it’s a little weird.”

“There was so much to take away from that episode and that’s still all you talk about!”

When season four had first come out, you and Jungkook nearly finished it within a week, but life got in the way and you never got a chance to finish. One day you decided to just complete the season without him and enjoy the finale with Taehyung who’d never seen the show. You thought it’d be fun, thinking he’d provide insightful commentary, instead, he couldn’t get passed how cruel it was a character couldn’t express sadness beyond “Monkey needs a hug.”

“Would you rather talk about the guy who literally got off on murdering someone?”

“He-- no, please.”

He’s smiling as he walks back over to you and you can’t help but giggle because okay it is kind of weird and maybe you should’ve chosen a different episode to introduce him to but it was still really good!

“I’ll let you show me another episode, preferably one less dark.”

For whatever reason, he pulls your head against his chest to rest his own atop yours and wraps you back into his warmth. This time your heart immediately starts to race, nervous about the random affection, though your arms don’t hesitate to wrap around him either.

“It’s okay, I actually just wanna go to sleep.”

“Oh… okay...” He holds you tighter, sounding a bit disappointed.

You squeeze him back, a way of silently apologizing. You expect him to pull away then, but he doesn't, and neither do you because even with a jumping heart being like this was too comfortable. He was always so warm, and so cuddly, and his clothes always smelled like lavender. Which would confuse your brain at first when you’d get a whiff of him, the light fragrance so contrasting to that of your favorite- a warm blend of citrus notes and amber on Jungkook- but you also adored whatever floral fabric softener Taehyung used because you found it calming. In fact, you could stand here forever because the combination of all he had to offer was that relaxing. So relaxing that you can’t help but ask-

“Tae…” You release your hold so that you can step back and look at him but he doesn’t let you go, only slides his hands to the lower part of your back providing enough space for eye contact, responding with a yes? “Can I… sleep in your bed tonight?”

“I guess so? I don’t mind taking the couch.”

“No, I mean, with you.”

“Uh-” You catch the way his eyebrows almost raise with widening eyes before he can stop the reaction. You worry about the implications of your words.

“Unless it’s weird. Is that weird? I’m sorry.”

“No!” His hands abruptly fall away, swiping at the back of high thighs as he creates room between you two. “Not at all, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m- it’s just hard sleeping alone, you know?”

“Y-yeah, it’s alright.”

Not long afterwards, after you both had changed and freshened up, you found yourself sitting up in Taehyung’s bed with your back against the wall. It seems silly to you now that you’ve never slept together let alone even stepped foot in his bedroom. But before all this, things were different, and even though you’re only friends it definitely would’ve been inappropriate taking all things into consideration- Taehyung’s feelings, your relationship, maybe even your fleeting non-platonic thoughts about him.

Now, you don’t question it too much, it’s not inappropriate or weird. You’re the only one making it a little weird because you keep thinking about the fact that Taehyung still likes you, or at least you assume so, and that he could use this opportunity to make a move on you. Deep down you know he would never, he’s too respectable for that. Maybe you’d let him- ONLY because you’re vulnerable! He knows that. Which is why he shouldn’t, he’d be taking advantage of that. He won’t, but you still wonder if he will. Even as he rambles on about the earl grey tea his mom bought from Europe, a small yet very expensive Christmas present. There’s a reason why this French tea company is so special, but you wouldn’t know because see, you’re being weird.

How Jungkook would feel about all of this? What’s he up to anyway?

“Y/N? Are you listening to me?”

You’re startled by the sound of your name, but you nod furiously. “Of course, Tae. You were saying your mom and… amazing French company, great story!”

He shakes his head disapprovingly, “That’s how I know you weren’t paying attention. My mom bought the tea in France but it’s a Singaporean company!”

“Oh, see! I was close! I just missed that one little tidbit.”

He squints his eyes at you, knowing you’re telling a tale. Letting out an exaggerated sigh he rotates on his side to face you and props his elbow to rest his head in his palm. “Alright, what’s wrong? Spill the tea. No pun intended.”

“I know you’ll think I’m an idiot but I’m gonna say it. I miss Jungkook.”

“No I won’t!” He sits up fully in bed, seeing that the thoughts that plague you are deeper than he anticipated. He mirrors your image, crossing his legs before reaching to hold both your hands. “First of all you’re not an idiot and I would never think so little of you. It’s okay if you miss Jungkook, it’s expected. You don’t just forget about someone you love overnight or even within a week.”

Was that true, though?

“Why not? He did.”

Whether in the blink of an eye or months before you realized, he’d forgotten about you, forgotten what you meant to him, forgotten what you two had. Or is it that he didn’t love you anymore and that’s what made you so easy to forget?

“Didn’t I already tell you he’s a dumbass?” He grins, but you can’t find it in you to laugh, the insult doesn’t even make you feel the slightest bit better.

He sighs, rubbing his thumbs over the back of your hands. “Can I ask you something?”

You nod.

“Do you want to save your relationship?”

Your hands pull away, not because of him, but almost as if to brace yourself for the weight of reality as you press them into the bed on either side of you. You hadn’t really thought about that, your thought process never got that far. Would Jungkook even want that?

“I don’t know that it's possible. Jungkook told me he likes Lia, and if that’s true, then it’s serious. He isn’t easily swayed by pretty faces.”

Taehyung snorts, “Who said anything about her being pretty?”

Your arch a brow at him, unsure if he’s trying to insinuate something. “Well I saw her, she is pretty but… that’s just it, that's not the point. He actually needs to get to know someone if he’s gonna pursue them. I told you before how in college there were so many girls interested in him and he didn't like any of them. Not even me. Not until he knew me.”

“And now he likes her…”

“Exactly.”

“But that’s not what I asked. Put him aside for a moment and stop thinking about what he feels. What is it that you want?” He asks, pressing a finger into your knee.

What I want? That is still a lot to consider. A lot that you haven’t gone over. You’ve only focused on the current distance between the two of you, and keeping it that way until you felt strong enough to face him. You’ve only gone through past memories, you hadn’t thought of what the future held nor what you wanted it to.

“I don’t know, Tae. It sounds ridiculous but I can’t envision my life without him. The idea of going back to him feels daunting because I don’t know how to forgive him for what he did or how to trust him after this. Or even, how I could allow myself to love him. I don’t have answers but it’s like if I don’t then what? Where do I go and who do I become?”

“You don’t become anyone, if not just a better version of yourself. You don’t need him to have a complete identity.”

“That’s easy for you to say-”

“I know it’s easy for me to say,” His rebuttal is sharp, almost defensive. “No I didn’t just spend the last three years of my life with someone just for them to shit all over our history, but I’m right. You were somebody long before you even met him and you will still be somebody without him, if you choose to let him go.”

“I know that, but it’s not just easy for me to say, okay, bye Jungkook, and go on and be content with being alone.”

“You think you’d be alone?”

“Well, yes?”

It all circles back to what you first said, you can’t envision life without him. Even if you try, there’s nothing there, you, but nothing more. Maybe that should be enough, but that blank image in your mind feels empty, life would be lackluster and dull, something would always be missing.

“That’s not true.” He looks down for a moment, finding a loose string on his comforter to tug on. “You have me.”

At that, and as his eyes finds yours, the air in the room starts to thicken. The statement feels too direct. You know he means that as a reminder of his loyal friendship, you know it’s his way of saying hey I’m here, but it feels like something more.

“As long as I’m alive, you’ll always have me.”

“Hm, like forever.” Your own gaze slips away this time, unable to stop yourself from chuckling at the boundless promise of his words. An older version of you may have believed him, a version of you that believes love is timeless, the version of you with a committed boyfriend. You want to believe him because Taehyung is honest, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. But words like this have been spoken truthfully to you before and look where it’s brought you.

“Jungkook and I are not the same.” It’s almost embarrassing how well Taehyung knows you, how spot on he is about what you’re thinking. “There was a point in time Jungkook couldn’t even see you, he didn’t see you then and he doesn’t see you now. Me?” He stops himself, you can tell by his tone that he knows he’s crossing a line again, about to walk past usual boundaries, about to say something he couldn’t have said before today, but he says it anyway. “The way I’ve felt about you has never changed. Every day I still feel what I felt the day I first met you… Even when you’ve confused me, even when you’ve cursed me, even when you’ve pushed me away, even when you defined the line in the sand and made it clear we could never be more than friends, even when you don’t see me… I feel it. So yes, like forever.”

You’re too afraid to look at him because you think you might crack the way you once had months ago, when a flood of emotion for him overtook you, when you considered giving into him.

“And I’m not asking you to- I’m not saying anything other than I’ve come with you this far and… whatever you do, nothing's gonna change.”

You have no words for him, nothing coherent, at least for now. You nearly throw yourself at him, sprouting up from your position on the left side of the bed to wrap your arms around his neck. He reacts quickly, thankfully, because as he falls sideways onto the mattress with a huff you realize you could’ve sent him tumbling backwards to the floor which would’ve been bad for the both of you.

You feel the soft laughter rumble beneath his chest as he tightens his hold around you, “Thank you?”

You’re overwhelmed with both gratitude and frustration, so much so that you think you could cry. How did you get so damn lucky to have this man in your life? It wasn’t fair. Logically, and karmically, it was not fair. Even as he said and listed reasons he’s had to pull back, to change his mind, to drop you, he hasn’t. He genuinely loves and supports you unconditionally and you don’t know how the hell that happened or why but there’s one thing you are certain of.

You are more than lucky, you are blessed to have Taehyung. And you hope that this friendship is eternal because you can’t imagine having to lose him too.

----

“Do you remember the first time we ate here?”

“Of course I do.”

You’d spent the first half of your Saturday lounging in bed, or rather Taehyung’s bed, all by yourself because he’d had an early morning shoot for… something you don’t remember because you were half asleep when he’d said. You’d stayed that way for a while, grumpily, because you were starving and too lazy to go out and eat and too stubborn to order delivery. By lunch time when your hunger hit peak aggravation you sent him a very aggressive text message in all caps to PLEASE BUY SOME FUCKING GROCERIES YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE BREAD. He promptly responded with a slew of laughing emojis, then letting you know he was already ten minutes away and to meet him downstairs.

He’d taken you the short walk to the taco truck around the corner, the very first place you hung out, a very telling choice after what he said last night.

“You never did thank me for showing you the best taco place in town.” He flicks at his bangs dramatically, turning a shoulder to you in faux offense.

“That’s because it’s not. I mean, it’s good but my favorite is this restaurant up north.”

“Why have you never taken me then?”

“They closed down last summer.”

“Must not have been too good.” He looks at you pointedly, flicking at his silky strands once more. You raise a fist, pretending like you might hit him, though you’re laughing at his obnoxiousness.

“I promise, you would’ve loved it.”

Just then, a lady pokes her head out from the wide window, calling your name for your order. Taehyung is first to run over and grab the small bag, though you take it back from him, offering to carry it on the walk back.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What was your first impression of me?”

“Oh…” His question comes as a surprise, but you don’t think much of it, reflecting back to the day last spring. The very first time you met. “I thought you were very polite.”

“What about the first time we ate back there?”

“Well,” That question takes a little bit more digging. You have to remember the things you talked about that night, how you felt, how he seemed. “You seemed so… so… normal. Like, before that, I guess I kind of put you on a pedestal, I don’t know. You just seemed so composed and confident and like you had everything together but then we talked and you opened up to me and it was like ah, we’re not so different. It was refreshing.”

You look over to him and smile, he smiles, but he keeps his gaze towards to concrete as you continue up the block.

“Why do you ask? What was your first impression of me?”

“That you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.”

You instantly stop in your tracks, it takes him a second to register but when he does the balls of his feet scratch against the gravel as he turns around.

“Stop it.” You say, squinting your eyes suspiciously at him because why is he trying to flirt and joke around right now it’s making me blush! “Tell me.”

“That’s it?” Even his eyes frown at you, confused why you won’t accept his answer.

You roll your eyes and push past him, taking a right at the corner as you continued ahead. His legs are long so it doesn’t take anything of him to catch up, and he asks why you don’t believe him.

“I thought you were attractive but I gave you a better answer than that.”

“Wait-” He takes a few skips to jump in front of you, forcing you to come to another stop as he blocks the way. “You thought I was attractive?”

“What? I said you were handsome.”

“No, you said attractive.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Oh my God, did I?

“I- it doesn’t matter, it’s basically the same thing.”

You step right, he steps left, you step left, he steps right, refusing to let you go around while he dons a ridiculous smirk that you try really hard not to look at.

“What!”

“Don’t you wanna know my first impression?”

“...yes.”

“Don’t judge me.” He points a finger at you, waiting on your nod before he continues, tucking his hand back into his coat pocket. “When we were standing in the elevator together, my heart was beating so fast because I was so nervous, but I thought you were mean! You kept giving me short answers and you glared at me when I was just trying to be helpful!”

“Come on, you asked me where I lived, give me a break.”

He giggles, “I was just nervous and talking out of order. But then you relaxed after I told you who I was, and you even laughed at something I said and…”

“And…?”

“I felt really warm. My heart, my insides,” One hand moves from the left side of his chest then down to his abdomen. You can see that he hesitates, biting on the corner of his lip nervously, but he looks back to you and sees the harsh expression on your face. “It’s stupid.” He forces a laugh and continues to walk home. You’re only about 10 yards away, the front entrance is visible not far beyond him.

He’s misread your reaction, misunderstood your furrowed expression. You weren’t frowning at him because of judgement or because you thought it was stupid, you were frowning out of pure confusion because he’d described the same feeling he’s given to you.

And it was so simple, such a simple feeling, a simple word. But, warm, yes, you understood. You felt it too that very first day, you felt it the first time you hung out. You feel it when he looks at you, when he talks, when he hugs you, just being next to him in itself was like sitting by a fire. You were never sure what it was or what it meant, you never looked too much into it, but if the sentiment was mutual shouldn’t you tell him you feel it too?

You run ahead to catch up, he’s still standing outside the door, presumably waiting for you to go inside.

Taehyung had said before that you always know what to say, but you disagree. Maybe when it comes to uplifting others kind words come naturally, but you aren’t good with words themself, at least not when it comes to sharing and expressing your emotions.

That is precisely why you cup his face into your hands as he turns to you, unbothered by the tacos that get smushed somewhere between your arm and his chest, raising onto the balls of your feet and pulling him down the distance you couldn’t close to press your lips into his.

You’re not entirely sure why you’re kissing Taehyung, or rather you can’t explain why. It’s impulsive but it feels right as that familiar feeling overtakes your entire chest, replacing the vacant ache you’d grown accustomed to over the last week and a half and overwhelming you with so much desire for more. And at first, he gives in to you. His gentle hands find your hips, head turning as his mouth opens in sync with yours to deepen the kiss.

In that moment you place words on the purpose. Kissing him said way more than your grateful hugs ever could, and that was all you’d done before. But this wasn’t even about saying thank you, this was about admitting that maybe you felt the exact same way. This was easier than facing the fact that there really was no reason to keep suppressing your emotions. But then he abruptly pulls away, eyes wide as he sounds frightened when he says your name.

Your heart sinks because he’s looking at you like you’ve just done something you should not have done. Heat creeps up over your ears, this time because you’re actually uncomfortable, completely embarrassed because maybe you just made a mistake.

Your open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out, stuck on shock, you don’t know how to even begin saying sorry.

“Jungkook is inside.”

Wait… what?

If you couldn’t speak before, you definitely couldn’t now as all the air escapes your lungs, frozen and unable to breathe. You want to believe that you heard him wrong, or that he didn’t even say Jungkook’s name. But you’re too terrified to even look and confirm. You still aren’t ready, you don’t know what feelings will come up just by seeing him. Worst of all, you don’t know if Jungkook just watched you kiss Taehyung and you cringe at the thought.

You look right, and sure enough, on the other side of the clear glass Jungkook stands there just feet away looking right at you. The way your heart picks up speed is almost painful, you can tell by the disgruntled look on his face he’s seen everything.

TBC

#taehyung scenarios #jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios #taehyung x reader #bts imagines #bts fanfic

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epajournal · 7 years

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